#endless guilt

[jsabtdfandtsoec]

This.

I'll post the full drawing later ska probably never since I'm being more lazy then usual lately, and I'm sleepy rn

[gearbroth]

| Billions upon billions of lives, stars, planets and galaxies. An entire universe, a terribly incomprehensible loss. And it's all your fault. You monster. |

[wildberrypunch]

I DRAG ITS DEAD WEIGHT FORWARD.

[just-bee-lieve]

and i have nothing ahead of me

[ammckk6262]

Haikyuu fic recs-

i. Oikawa's last wishes: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10554512 ii. Lying through my teeth: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24071404 (The whole series is amazing but this one's my fav) iii. The sky and guilt are the only feelings I have left: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11605827 iv. the galaxy's endless(i thought we were too): https://archiveofourown.org/works/25651510 v. In another life: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5096105 vi. Shard society: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23718103 vii. Four out of Six: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7922461 viii. He smelled like oranges: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27569593 ix. Disrupting his song: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24186010 x. Every tomorrows(series): https://archiveofourown.org/series/1246454

Now the most imp part. ANYONE & EVERYONE SEEING THIS POST PLZ CHECK THE TAGS B4 READING ANY OF THEM AS THEY CONTAIN DISTURBING STUFFS. THESE ARE JUST MY PERSONAL FAVS + THE ONES I COULD REMEMBER RN, SO I DON'T WANT ANYONE TO SUFFER CUZ OF MY CHOICES.

PLZ SUFFER WIMME. I NEEDED TO DUMP THIS MASTERLIST SOMEWHERE.

Credit for headers: @minecchi @colorless-sea @marcseok @wanderinlights @sweetlyvibe

[albatris]

so maybe it's the late night talking but I think I might have ocd

[whumpitisthen]

(from/inspired by this post of your’s: https://www.tumblr.com/whumpitisthen/779438540853510144/characters-that-are-out-of-it-cannot-see-past)

literally one of the best caretaker tropes ever!! specifically the one where the caretaker also has their own problems and can’t take care of the whumpee as well as they should.

its *so* good when the caretaker accidentally confuses, scares, or even hurts the whumpee. they didn’t mean to, but it reminds the whumpee of the bad things that happened to them in the past. maybe the whumpee is so frightened by the caretaker’s actions that the progress they’ve made is undone, or they cry and ask what they did wrong b/c they don’t understand, or they shut down completely. the potential for the caretaker’s guilt and hurt/comfort is high with this trope

When caretaker is frustrated. When caretaker is anxious. When caretaker is drunk, or high. When caretaker is tired. When caretaker is also injured. When caretaker is mentally ill. When caretaker is just having a bad day. When caretaker just isn't so easy to be around. When caretaker is impatient or too excited or a little brash or loud or seems too confident or their laugh is just a little too familiar or their voice lilts in just the same way or their footsteps sound just like whumper's always did.

It only takes a moment, just the right tone at just the right time when whumpee is in just the right headspace for it to become scary. Caretaker didn't mean to, of course they didn't, they might not even know what they did.

But sometimes, they do know what they did. They know they should not have yelled. They know they shouldn't have acted like it was whumpee's fault. They know they shouldn't have taken it out on them. Shouldn't have gotten so heated, shouldn't have started gesturing wildly with a knife in their hand, should never have even thought of threatening whumpee with it jokingly. It isn't a joke to them. It isn't funny.

They should never have become the reason for whumpee's tears.

Caretaker feels so awful about it, but the worst part is that whumpee forgives so easily. They can't even give them the just punishment of feeling awful about it, because to them it was warranted and deserved and they are too sensitive anyway and it's just a joke and it isn't like this hasn't happened to them a million times back when they were still with whumper. Caretaker is so nice to them, caretaker never hurts them, caretaker loves them. Caretaker never does anything wrong.

And when caretaker hurts whumpee... When there is physical evidence of their mistake, evidence that needs to be treated, needs to be looked at and talked about, one that will leave a scar, taking yet more skin from whumpee and making it theirs just like the ocean of bigger and smaller scars whumper marked their whumpee with...

Whumpee may eventually forgive them. They may be able to explain it to themself with enough time that it was an accident, or even if it wasn't, caretaker isn't like that, they didn't actually mean to hurt them. With enough apologies and never another new scar added, they will finally let themself not only hope, but believe caretaker didn't mean it.

But caretaker will never, ever forgive themself for it.

[zeb-z]

See, I think Arthur was doomed to fail when he decided to kill Vanya. I think that was the point his quest for vengeance and answers started to matter more than his humanity, just enough to have him kill her. That was yet another moment he continued on that cycle of violence despite his intentions, where he talked of peace as he burned her alive. He can never break free because all his actions just serve to perpetuate this violence.

It’s always about cycles with him. Cycles of power, of violence, that vampire society has been stuck in for years. Always answering to the call of the beast, as they say, their fangs in the world, sucking out the life of it. And the Grimslayers also only work to perpetuate this cycle, keeping this war endless. And Arthur was never going to break out, not in the way he wanted to. Not with how deep he was, not with how bloody his hands were. It didn’t matter he threw away his little black book of people he’d killed, it didn’t matter he had a whole rebirth in flames in the Lunarchive, because in the end he still sacrificed his humanity for answers, in yet another twist of irony.

And in the finale, when he’s stood staring at the earrings Magnus gave him, full of human memories, he still feels that anger, that drive for vengeance circle back - because it’s a cycle. He clings to the humanity he himself sacrificed - and it’s always guilt over what he’s done as ‘the monster’ that rules him. Guilt over killing his family, over killing others, now about committing the most corrupting sin you can as a vampire, and seeing it reflected in his own aura.

And it’s so fitting that he lost his looks as he lost his humanity, because now he looks how he acts - monstrous, ugly. And he can cover it up but it’s only temporary, it always melts away to reveal what’s underneath, because he’s no longer trying to fight that monster. He’s no longer trying to find that balance that keeps him and the monster alive, and doesn’t hurt or kill others. And because he’s not seeking this balance, and is instead seeking to feed the beast, so to speak, all it does is grow, all it does is feed.

Inside of you there is a monster (hunger, anger, pride, desperation, despair, hatred, grief). You cannot escape it.

[jsabtdfandtsoec]

Yup, I finally made two posts in one day. Anyways, uhhhh. I don't want this drawing to rot in my gallery soooo, here's corrupted EG!cyan,or uhhhh cyanide, goopy corrupt boi.

Extra:

This one form or version or whatever you wanna called it, idk what to name it. Nvm, it's called true Cyanide? Bruh, my 9 yrs old self ain't good with coming up with names.

Fun fact, the design is inspired, I forgot by who. I think the name of the character was uhhhhh, experimented cube or somethin, I forgor. I sure haven't post anything about this au for a while. Good to post it.

[hedge-rambles]

Thinking once again about "c'mon love, guys as careful as me don't have accidents". Because I'm never sure whether I should take it at face value or not.

John detractors tend to lean heavily into "John always lies about everything so I don't trust anything he says"...except when he says anything bad in which case it's gospel. Personally I don't care for this approach though.

But this line, I can take it two or three ways.

1 - It's plain truth. He lied to Pyrrha about it and he very intentionally killed those people.

2 - It's a lie he tells himself. He really didn't mean to, it was an accident, and that he could accidentally kill so many terrifies him. So he pretends it really was intentional, that he really meant to do it, because that means he's in control (he's not as in control as he would like to believe).

3 - It's somewhere inbetween. In the moment he did it, he meant it, but it wasn't exactly with true intent. We all have passing thoughts that are immediately followed by "what the fuck no". For a heartbeat he really wanted to kill every one of them, and a second later he thought better of it. But unfortunately for him, his merest whim on that front can be instantly translated into action. They were already dead, it was done before he could have that second thought.

He's telling Pyrrha the truth when he says it was an accident, because for all intents and purposes it was. But he tells himself that it wasn't, because of his whole guilt and sin complex. It's a form of self flagellation, more proof to himself that he's unforgivable and irredeemable.

[fallen-goldfishcracker]

hey fallen, what moment lives rent free in your brain? thanks for asking, i'll tell you!

we see very clearly that the collector doesn't see grimwalkers as people, this is expected, at this point I don't know if they see anyone as people.

but what i find fascinating is how Belos sees the grimwalkers. i'd always kinda assumed he didn't see them as people either (something something dehumanization and cycles of abuse and making so many he eventually stops caring about them even in his own, twisted way), but that isn't exactly true.

the collector calls them "those things".

Belos calls them "him".

in a way, i wasn't wrong. Belos doesn't see them as people, he sees them as a person. specifically, Caleb.

Belos has seen every single grimwalker as an extension of Caleb, not as their own people with individual thoughts and ideas and personalities.

yea it uh. messes me up a little.

[kairos-polaris]

thinking about fate and predetermination and choices. Jon was chosen because he was always going to doom himself. when placed in a situation the outcome of which would be his doom, he would bring it on himself

the Mother's web is wrapped all over him and he is her puppet. he has free will and he follows the outline written for him and he has always been doomed. Jon was doomed when he read that book, when he started working in the Institute, when he accepted the position, when he made that first recording. he was doomed because every actions he took brought that doom closer. like in that tale of a man desperate to escape death, only to meet her in his destination. this was always the goal and this was always what he has been walking towards, unaware of it as he was. and he was chosen because the Mother knew he would walk that path and make the choices

[apocalypticdemon]

man. antidepressants.... good

[mirror-to-the-past]

My biggest gripe with Omori, made all the more painful through replaying, has got to be the absolute *drudgery* that is the combat system in the Real World. The fun and interesting emotion system completely falls to the wayside, even though changes in emotion *are* technically present. It's just that they don't really influnce anything, so it's kind of pointless. No fun ability moves or anything, you're just spamming attack over and over again, whittling down enemies that have way too much health considering that they don't have any phases, special moves, or anything.

The only fights in the Real World in which this boring combat style works in the game's favor is with the first fight in the Real World with Aubrey in the park, and the second Aubrey fight in the church. Both cases are because of the thematic elements that are being subverted and explored, accordingly. In the first fight, it's wonderfully brilliant, because the player goes into the fight with the preconceived expectations of Sunny's imaginative dreamscape only to realize that, oh- Aubrey actually got cut from Sunny swinging his knife at her? Oh my god, this is an actual fight... with consequences. This is real. It walks you through Sunny's likely feelings of disorientation and dissociation. It doesn't overstay its welcome outside of the point it's trying to make- I quite like it.

And when it comes to the church fight, the atmosphere is great. The brutality of the normalcy, of Sunny and Kel just hitting and throwing shit at Aubrey while littered with nasty dialogue from the churchgoers- it stings, and it sucks how they're doing this boring, pointless fight-meets-public-humilation because why are we even fighting? We're supposed to be friends.

All of the other fights in the Real World, though? Ugh. There's no atmosphere, the repetition is a slog, and it's like. C'mon, guys. It feels unfinished. There were absolutely better ways to introduce, explore, and get aid from the Hooligans. I think doing mini side quests for each of the Hooligans in order to get information about Aubrey would have been WAY preferable than this. Then you could've had, you know, more meaningful environmental storytelling and dialogue to explore each of their personalities and stuff instead of just hitting them for a few minutes.

I'm also reminded of my other disatisfaction with the Hooligans in that, outside of Aubrey, they mainly feel *silly,* not really like any particular threat they are assumed to be. Like, we can assume they engage with and/or are complacent with Aubrey's bullying, and are otherwise the "bad news" that Kel considers them to be. However, with the way that most of them are OUTWARDLY PORTRAYED as just silly, quirky guys with the most heinous crimes involving shoplifting candy, I have a really hard time holding disdain for them at any point in the game- makes Kel just seem like the guy who hates the nerdy kids at school lmao.

In my fantasy universe, each of the Hooligans have their mini side quests that give little hints of their lives as troubled teens, make them a tad less cartoony, and maybe imply something about the atmosphere of Faraway as a whole.

Mikhael is from a strict, religious family where he's a black sheep that acts in outlandishly showy ways to express autonomy while also denying his authentic self. Kim and Vance are children of divorce, or at least have separated parents, with a father who doesn't seem to have his head screwed on all the way, while their mother is a super orderly neat-freak. Charlie is a super withdrawn youngest child of several siblings- her parents are aging and she aids her mother in some level of medical caretaking. I don't even know where Angel's parents are- he just lives with his older sister.

So like, see what I mean? There was groundwork laid- I can see stuff that might give these kids a chip on their shoulder that we could dive into more, but they just kind of act goofy and unbothered when they're not being dicks to Basil, and so it's difficult to fully subscribe to this idea that I ever saw them as an antagonistic force. Aubrey's really the only one wearing her 'misunderstood antagonist' hat loud and proud. Her back must hurt from carrying all that hardass energy for the rest of the Hooligans.

[hxroic-wxlls-fxrever]

@unrealworld-of-mugenri continued from here:

" Eeeesh... Ya okay, dude? Ya look like you've seen better days. "

The wounds were definitely enough to make her visibly wince... Okay, maybe they took a little too long.

" This is why I said we had no time to waste on that little stop, here. "

" Oi, don't try and act like this is all on us. You were enjoying those corn dogs more than anyone else, back there. "

" ...Uh, bad time to say this, maybe, but did you two bring any leftovers? My stomach's still grumbling... "

As the three continued to argue over corn dogs and their arrival time, Mika would walk over to the injured stranger, with a small pack of medical supplies.

" Um...I'm sorry about them... H-here, let me help. "

[jsabtdfandtsoec]

I tried to post this many times but failed because there was a error, but welp, if this did work, here. Cyan turning into among us for some reason. Idk.

Pls work.

Edit: it works! :D