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senseandaccountability · 5 months ago

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the narrative that could have been

Having mulled over the game for a couple of days I have realised that the main problem for me is that Veilguard is good based on the premises they ultimately choose, but not based on the set up and promise of what was there before. I know this isn’t a unique take by any means and yes it’s all about the Evanuris and the Veil and Solas.

Replaying really emphasises how incredibly little the game convinces me of its original main quest - to prevent Solas from doing his ritual. This is a problem as a long-term player because for three games we’ve had build up for a great crescendo tackling the overarching themes of the (restrictions and oppression of) magic, of tears in the Veil, of religious tyranny and oppression based on myths about the Black City and the temptations of flawed humans, we’ve seen and deconstructed the elves quite a bit, we got started on the dwarves and in DAI your Inquisitor can openly ask Solas if it wouldn’t be better if the Veil came down because then spirits wouldn’t be separated from the living and risk becoming demons. Cole, whose function is to reflect the plot, talks endlessly about the old songs wanting to be sung again, about how it hurts to be cut off from part of yourself, how the templars feel it, how the mages feel it, how the elves and the dwarves feel it. The Veil as a prerequisite for life has been deconstructed, the Fade demystified, the gods have mostly fallen. The Veil as an actual wound inflicted on this earth has been presented as a theory and not been convincingly rejected by the narrative.

The game actually gives no explanation whatsoever as to why the Veil coming down would be worse than what Rook causes in the beginning and what the escaped gods then do to the entire Thedas. The entire south falls to the Blight because Elgar’nan and Ghilan'nain are let loose. The Wardens are more or less wiped out. There’s enormous political turmoil. The game gives us Solas saying “thousands” would die when he brought the Veil down, but that he had a host of spirits there to help. (Yes, I know, his sole function in this game is to Trick and Deceive so who is to say if he’s lying, HUH, but even so, THE ENTIRE SOUTH FALLS TO THE BLIGHT IN ROOK’S VERSION OF THINGS.)

The game puts emphasis on Solas's questionable methods and past horrors but it doesn't ever explain why his goals are despicable here and now. It doesn't convince us that tearing down the Veil with lots of safety measures in place and after considerations is a bad result, all things considered - save for Varric’s initial yelling about demons. (We even learned in DAI that the Veil itself creates demons because it restricts the passage of spirits, come on.) Because three games have suggested it's not, not ultimately. Trespasser especially nuances this, just as it nuances Solas’s view of this current world state. Right after his long nap he would have nuked it all, I’m sure, but the whole point of character arcs is that things happen in them and what happened to him is that he was shown layers and angles he had not considered and adjusted his mindset and ultimately his plan accordingly. That is where DAV should have picked it up. That's where the build up was headed. But, now he must serve the narrative solely as the God of Treachery and Lies which means that previous build up is washed away for the most part. (In no way do I think he is OOC in DAV, I just want to point that out so nobody thinks I’m a sappy fangirl or whatever. I think he is perfectly in tune with his inner Dread Wolf, but that is also all he gets to be, because of the narrative, and I’m always much more interested in when roles and personas clash.) Again. The main problem is that the narrative cannot explain why bringing down the Veil would be the worse option than the shit we see unfold on screen. Instead it gets a bit lost in the past. And I have Issues with that, as well. Like, the dumbing down of the war against the Evanuris. The war that started because the leaders of the rebellion - who previously had to carry out terrible orders so the Evanuris, the upper crust of the Elvhenan, could play gods - decided that the Evanuris was a threat to them all. And the game gives us what, a depiction of how the rebellion ended up crossing lines, too? No shit.

Like, I am fully on board with the individual theme of regret on Solas’s part and he ought to be wrecked with guilt but I wish the game could be less all over the place with what sort of things he ought to be wrecked with guilt over. Saying fuck you to the Evanuris is the best and brightest of his character, I suppose I just don't want it dragged down to the same level as him breaking the Titans. I suppose I would have wished for a narrative that also worked on a systemic level when depicting things like, you know, war and revolutions and subjugation. But we don't have that, because DAV is only about personal choices. The Lighthouse crew flippantly writing the hierarchical and violent power struggle off as being about love and betrayal is on my shitlist forever.

No, Taash et al, it was not about pussy, it was about feeling compelled by superiors to commit heinous war crimes and being lied to about the actual purposes of your damn war in the first place. The elves shouting at Elgar’nan and Mythal in this painting aren’t driven by love and sex they have been lied to by their ruling class. It was never about freedom or ending the wars, it was always about Elgar’nan jerking off to ultimate godhood. The writing even suggests betrayal here is to be understood as Netflix drama betrayal, maybe some juicy porny plot but it’s ABOUT THE BETRAYAL OF THE ELVES BY THEIR OWN KIN. ((ETA: I would have wanted my Dalish mage to be allowed to be furious, NOT WITH SOLAS, but with the fucking Evanuris for betraying her people and being so fucking vile that the only option that remained was to create a world where she's a second-class citizen. I would have wanted the game to recognize that not all causes are equal and that Elgar'nan's cause for godhood was objectively more vile than Solas's cause for freedom because as it stands now, there are some really iffy vibes of "both sides are equally bad" and other things authorities tend to say when comparing destructive regimes with uprisings.)) I’m sorry, this shit hits me on a personal and political rage level.

I also can’t help but mourn a game where the Trickster God fulfilled his trope’s duty and shook the stagnation apart with his actions - for good or ill, the way trickster gods are wont to do - and where Rook was tricked into helping and then, a more complex game about its consequences could have unfolded. The Evanuris could still have been the bad guys, if they wanted big villains frothing at the mouth. There could still have been numerous unplanned consequences, like all of Solas's plans have. Maybe other ancients awake as well. Maybe ancient evils who aren’t elves, who knows. Point is - the Veil should have come down, at least in some form, at least in some outcome. THAT is what they've been building up to. In this game that never was, Rook could be an actual interesting character where we could mold her as either accepting of this trickster role (which fits perfectly for a blank slate with no ties) or set to overturn it and enforce status quo, with some vanilla option in the middle. Maybe the Veil doesn’t come down until the very end of the game, ancient magic takes time after all, maybe a lot has happened by then. But ultimately, Rook’s choice in the end should not have been about siding against Solas because he’s lying to you or because he did horrible things in the past or siding with him because you want him redeemed. The narrative should have provided those options either way. The narrative should have been brave enough to suggest that hey, maybe Solas isn't wrong at all - his methods maybe, but his goal, no. If they truly wanted mirrors between Rook and Solas, Rook should have tackled the issue of actively bringing down the Veil herself, not because it's a roses and sunshine-outcome but because it might very well be the lesser of two evils. Gods, that would have been interesting. It should have been a choice about what sort of world Rook and the Veilguard wants to see in the future. It should have been about the people, the world, not how angry Rook is that an ancient elf has tricked her.

That would have been the game I wanted to play. This story doesn't really give anything new to the world of Thedas, which a world without the Veil would have. It accomplishes closure for our favourite trickster god and bless them for that, but as for the plot and the world-building it ends on a meh because the narrative isn't about the people unless they're brought up as being endangered. This is why I can feel satisfaction regarding the thematic conclusion to certain character arcs, the trickster becomes the healer with the bloodiest hands, the wolf submits willingly to his trap and so on and so forth, and I can have fun with the characters and their arcs but also really mourn the game that was there, in subtext and build up over three previous games and in several tie-ins.

#salty on main #datv #datv spoilers #solas dragon age #datv critical

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thegnomelord · 1 year ago

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Okay fuck after reading @killerkillerkillher 's fic with demon Soap and Price, and angel Ghost and Gaz, it got my own brain worms multiplying (as if I don't have enough going on lol) so here's the au draft that's been rotting for a while lol.

So here's an idea for an au:

Reader is part of a small group of friends that are Ghost hunters/DIY exorcists (read: They're all drop out college students and the ghost hunting youtube channel's putting food on the table). Reader doesn't believe in the supernatural but the friends keep reader around because you're the group's 'ghost deterrent' because spirits GTFO when reader's near and reader thinks the friends are just bullshitting you.

Anyway the group are moving to a bumfuck town in the middle of nowhere where an old haunted house the reader's grandmother left is. Then their pos car breaks down an hour away from town. 'Luckily' the town's mechanic, Johnny, was just driving by and helps you lot out. And ain't he a handsome devil (emphasis on devil) thinking he can con a couple of young and dumb humans out of their souls. Soap's all hooded eyes and husky voice as he lures you away like a lamb to a supply closet, oil darkened hands sliding under your shirt and lips sucking dark hickeys into your throat.

He pulls away when you tug on his mohawk, raising his head until his lips are just inches from your own and you don't even notice him mutter a verbal contract, nor do you understand you've agreed to one when his lips crash on yours like he's drowning.

And Johnny's grinning into the kiss like a loon as he tries to take the soul of the stupid but hot mortal he's just met only to find out he... he can't. No matter how consuming his kisses are or how aroused both of you get your soul sits stubbornly in your chest and doesn't even budge.

When your friend bangs on the door and yells for you to "stop shagging every guy you meet!" you're forced to give an awkward goodbye and scurry away. And Soap's left completely bewildered and confused as fuck wondering what just happened and thinks he needs to tell Price.

Meanwhile, while your car's being fixed up, your friends drag you to the town's only pub that's run by a Simon Riley. He's an intimidating man without trying to be, but he doesn't immediately chase you out like some bar owners. He's quiet, listening to your friends chatter while cleaning a glass rough scarred hands, but the way he looks at you is... odd. Like you're an interesting bauble he's found on his gran's shelf.

He's there to catch you when you trip on a raised floorboard you swear wasn't there before. "Thanks, I owe you one." You say with a small awkward laugh, though for some reason it feels like him catching you had been an excuse to touch you.

"That so?" His thumb traces the dark hickeys across your throat, surprisingly soft, and you can feel your cheeks getting hot. "You let Johnny have fun with you?" His chuckle is rich like aged wine, fingers gently pressing down on a hickey; it feels possessive. "You'd let any old thing like me take from you, yeah?" There's something in his words that has a shiver running down your spine, though from apprehension or arousal you're not sure.

"Ye- eh, yeah." You don't know which question you're agreeing with, and you understand the weight of your words, quickly walking away from him before your friends can embarrass you by wolf whistling at you and him. And you completely forget to ask on how he knows it was the mechanic who gave you the hickeys.

With still some time to burn before sun sets you decide to visit the radio station in town, mainly because your friend swears on his life that those are always haunted or have some decrepit old host that knows all the gossip in town. And when you meet the man you had heard softly yet confidently talking on the radio? He's handsome, pretty brown eyes as enticing as his voice, and you're starting to sense a theme with you meeting all these very nice looking men.

But Kyle, or Gaz as he asks you to call him, is a wealth of knowledge to the point you're not sure where the gossip stops and some crumb of truth begins. He talks all the way into the night with you and your gang of amateur ghost hunters, and you see why he is the radio host because his voice is like the song of angels, silk soft on your ears and you feel like you could fall into the best sleep of your life from listening to him.

And all he wants from you in return for his knowledge? "Nothing much mate, just a small favor, I'm sure you'll manage." Kyle leans in and pecks your lips like he's sealing a promise, or a bargain, but that's just you being stupid after getting kissed by the second hot guy today, surely. Gaz already knows he can't just nab your soul, he has ears in every wall in this town, but at least he can put his own claim on you.

Day, for the most part, well spent you and your friends go to the house for a good night's rest. It isn't any good as you're woken up numerous times and by morning you have several broken vases and an exploded lightbulb — everything you explain away as the house being old as fuck, but your friends claim it to be the work of spirits — your friends drag you to the church on the hill at the asscrack of dawn.

And that's how you meet Father Johnathan Price. (Insert devil in church joke here)

He listens to your friends explain the situation, calm and collected, but you swear his eyes stay on you the entire time. "That's quite a predicament." Price hums, offering to bless you and your friends in hopes of protecting you from evil spirits.

You're the last to go, nearly jumping out of your skin when he grips your chin. "Relax my boy." Those words frazzle your brain enough for him to easily pull on your jaw until your mouth opens, his thumb almost playing with your bottom lip. The look in his eyes is dark, the air between you far heavier than it should be between you and a bloody priest. But Price doesn't see anything wrong with this, pressing a thumb down on your tongue and then putting a wafer on your tongue. "There you go, you are now blessed in the name of a lord. Now consume it, my boy."

You obey automatically. You're not quite sure if a communion wafer is supposed to taste so... weird, it has a coppery and peppery taste to it. Almost like spicy blood or something but that's just you being stupid again, especially as you can feel heat burning between your legs.

Sufficiently embarrassed about getting hard at a priest you give an awkward goodbye and leave, trying to fix your pants before your friends see your... problem.

Johnny appears by Price's side in a small flicker of flames and brimstone when you leave, confident smirk on his face. "Ooh, couldn't resist claiming a piece of him fer yourself?" He smirks, nudging Price on his side.

"I suppose he is more interesting than the usual rabble." Price hums, already imagining of how handsome you'd look laying naked on the altar, and how to get you to that point.

Congrats! Now you've got 4 hot dudes trying to take your soul :D

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karasukarei · 6 months ago

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Wind Breaker Special Stage Event - Tonpuu-machi Halloween Matsuri Afternoon Show Special Reading Drama (part 2)

Part 1 here!

You can check out the rest of my translations here!

Kaji: To the east, right now, it’s all clear.

💙Umemiya 💙: Aight, good work Kaji!

Hiiragi: Thanks for patrolling.

Kaji: Is there anything else I can help with?

💙Umemiya 💙: Nope, thanks! It’s all good for now.

Suo: Thanks for waiting!

Nirei: Kaji-san! Thanks for the hard work!

Kaji: Oh. (t/n: this is more like a nod of acknowledgement)

Nirei: That costume is really cool! Um, is that a… kabocha dracula? (t/n: see the next t/n for explanation)

Kaji: Pumpkin hakushaku. (t/n: Nirei says kabocha (Japanese for pumpkin) dracula (in English), but Kaji says pumpkin (in English) hakushaku (Japanese for count). These two phrases essentially mean the same thing, Kaji is just being pedantic www. It’s the equivalent of me saying “I’m drinking boba” and someone correcting me that it should be “tapioca milk tea”.)

Nirei: Eh?

Kaji: Pumpkin hakushaku. That’s what my class told me.

Nirei: Pumpkin hakushaku?

Suo: It’s probably a jack o’ lantern?

Hiiragi: Nirei looks good too, doesn’t he.

Nirei: Thank you very much! It’s a bit of a tall order to be cool like everyone else…

Suo: If it suits Nirei-kun, I think it’s great.

Nirei: Hehe, I’m actually digging it myself!

💙Umemiya 💙: Speaking of, Suo’s costume really suits him!

Hiiragi: Or rather, isn’t it too creepy?

Suo: Is that so?

Nirei: Suo’s costume is…?

Suo: It’s a jiangshi! Put simply, it’s a Chinese zombie.

Kaji: The yellow talisman is controlling it, isn’t it?

Suo: Yes! But rather than being controlled, I’m better at controlling people. (t/n: at this point, Zakki gives a shrug and looks at the audience. It is very scary that he is channeling he Suo energy so much (･_･;)) Ahaha!

Hiiragi: That smile is super scary.

Suo: It’s just a joke!

💙Umemiya 💙: Yahahaha! How reliable!

Nirei: Eh? By the way, where’s Sakura-san?

Hiiragi: Oh yeah, he’s not back yet.

Suo: Ahaha! If we’re talking about Sakura-kun, he’s over there.

Hiiragi: That guy, what’s he doing while wearing that?

Sakura: Shit… why am I the one wearing this costume… (blushing very hard)

💙Umemiya 💙: Oiiii Sakura!!! If you’ve changed, come over!

Sakura: *Gasps of shock and surprise*

Suo: Sakura-kun! Don’t be shy and just come out!

Sakura: N-n-no way I’m shy or anything! (t/n: yes you are)

Nirei: Sakura-san, are you a werewolf?! It’s so cool!

Hiiragi: You’ve even slicked your hair back, huh?

Sakura: T-t-this?! The guys in the shopping street just did it! Speaking of, what’s with these ears?! And tail too?!

Suo: Wah, it’s so fluffy!

Sakura: Don’t touch me! Don’t pet me! (very blushily) Anyway, you can’t get excited with this costume! (t/n: this might be wrong, but there’s a couple of contractions here and I didn’t manage to catch the full thing x_x)

💙Umemiya 💙: I think it’s plenty to get excited over!

Suo: Hmm, Sakura-kun, I’ll teach you a simple way to hype things up. Sakura-kun, could you do it for me?

Sakura: Eh? Me?

Suo: Don’t worry don’t worry! Sakura-kun just needs to follow my actions!

Sakura: Ahh… If it’s just that… I can do it…

Suo: It’s a deal! Alright, Sakura-kun, I’m going to do the action, and you’ll follow, alright?

Sakura: Ok.

Suo: First, hold your right hand like this! (Zakki holds his right hand open with fingers slightly curved, palm side facing the audience)

Sakura: Like this?

Suo: Yes yes! Next, hold your left hand like this! (mirroring his right hand)

Sakura: Like this…

Suo: Well done! Finally, tilt your head…

Sakura: Tilt my head…

Suo: Alright, and you say, “Gaooooo”! (t/n: this is the onomatopoeia for a cute wolf howling. Emphasis on “cute”)

Sakura: Gao… – AAAAH (much blushy sputtering)

Hiiragi: Isn’t the sound “Aroooooooo” (really REALLY good wolf impression) for a wolf? (t/n: I broke this sentence up on purpose cos Hiiragi just goes back to his usual stoic self after the very impressive howl, the character gap is THE BEST)

💙Umemiya 💙: Hiiragi, you’re really good…!

Nirei: I don’t think that’s the problem…

Sakura: Stop messing around with me! I can’t do that!

Suo: You can do it! Because Sakura-kun, you’re a werewolf now!

Sakura: I didn’t say anything like that!

Suo: Sakura-kun, look around you! Everyone (he looks at the audience here) is looking at you with such anticipation. (t/n: you sly fox www) (edit: I just watched some of the commentary after the drama, Zakki was the culprit who started ad-libbing, and I believe it started from here wwww)

Sakura: Eh… (the audience starts clapping for him a lot at this point) Who is “everyone”?!

Suo: Of course, it’s everyone who has gathered here for the party! (Zakki spreads his arms out to the audience as he says this) (there is a lot of clapping at this blackmail)

💙Umemiya 💙: There’s a lot of ghosts here, you know? (t/n: I think this is where the ad-libbing starts wwww)

Sakura: (Many many grunts of pain and anguish) What is this… If you want me to do it I’ll do it!!! (takes a deep breath) (takes another deep breath) (Yuuma raises his arms wide) G… Gao. (in a very deep and manly voice)

Suo: (Laughs a lot with the audience)

💙Umemiya 💙: Hmmmmm, I’d like you to do it with a little more energy! Sakura!

Sakura: Tch…! C-Can someone give me an example?!

💙Umemiya 💙: Who’s good at this? Hiiragi? (t/n: I think most of this section is ad-libbed LMAO this is what happens when you let a chaos demon like NakaYuu run free)

Hiiragi: Eh, me?

Nirei: Hiiragi-san? Can you really do it?

Hiiragi: I’ll be doing it like the real thing. (He broke character slightly here www)

💙Umemiya 💙: Hiiragi, you’re doing it like the real thing?

Hiiragi: Yup.

💙Umemiya 💙: That’s different.

Hiiragi: Yeah, that’s different.

Choji (from off-stage LMAO): I want Ume-chan.

💙Umemiya 💙: Ume-chan- Ume-chan? You’re referring to me? (t/n: cos Togame’s seiyuu is also Ume-chan (Umehara Yuuichiro) - this was the butt of many jokes during the event wwww) Then I guess, Ume-chan is gonna do it right?

Nirei: Really??

Hiiragi: Oi Umemiya, show us.

💙Umemiya 💙: Alright, I’m gonna do it. (Takes a deep breath) GAOOOOOOUEH (very very manly howl) HHHUUUEEEE. (Stares very intently like he’s going to bite someone’s throat)

Nirei: Ohh!!! As expected!

💙Umemiya 💙: I took notice of the cameras too.

Suo: Alright next, (trying very hard to not laugh) it’s Sakura’s turn right?

Sakura: How did it turn out like this… (also starts laughing; I think he started ad-libbing when asking for an example, and now it has come back to bite him ^_^)

💙Umemiya 💙: Sakura, if you don’t do it quickly, you’re gonna get more embarrassed! (t/n: the second part might be wrong, feel free to correct me!)

Sakura: Yosh I’m gonna do it, you guys better be watching!!! Rnaaghhg, GAOOOO!!! (Very manly and not cute at all, with a lot of echoing)

💙Umemiya 💙: Ohhh, everyone’s so excited now!

Suo: As expected of Sakura-kun!

Sakura: Hyaaaaaaaaaa (very very high-pitched)

Suo: Alright Sakura-kun, next can you do a “nyan nyan”?

Sakura: DAAAAA!!! I’M NOT GONNA DO THAT!

Nirei: Sakura-san! (t/n: he says “どうどう” here which means “how how”, but I don’t think this is correct in context. If anyone knows what he’s saying, feel free to let me know!)

💙Umemiya 💙: Ahahaha, the first years are so interesting!

#wind breaker #wind breaker (satoru nii)#wind breaker anime #windbreaker #wbktimely #wbk #the joke i was talking about in part 1 will be in the next part wwww #WinBreTLs

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fandomnerd9602 · 6 months ago

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Cell Phones & Road Trips

Bambi!Wanda x Reader

You got the location booked. You couldn’t help but smile. For a couple days, it was just gonna be you and your loving doe mate on the open road. Your first couple’s vacation together. Quite the milestone in your mind.

“So where are you taking her?” Natasha giggles as she spots your booking confirmation on your phone.

“I’m not telling you,” you answer with a chuckle.

Your wolf pal gives a fake pouting face, even dropping her ears for emphasis, “aww why not?”

“Cause you’ll tell her.” You smirk. Your phone vibrates with a text from your mate in question.

“Detka, just texting to say I love you ;)”

You smile and text her back, “I luv u 2”

“Whipped” Natasha snickers at your little exchange. “How often does she text you?”

“Every 30 minutes or so” you smile.

“You never should’ve gotten her that cell phone” Natasha slaps you playfully on the back and leaves.

At the end of yours and Wanda’s work day, you walked our arm in arm to the parking lot with your special gal.

“I got a little surprise for you” you chime

“Detka you don’t have to” she blushes.

“Trust me you’re gonna love it” your statement caused her tail to wiggle with anticipation.

You guide her to your rental SUV a Ford Expedition. “Detka,” she gasps, “what’s this for?”

“I’m taking you on a road trip” you explain, “for the next few days, it’s just you, me and a few little locations”

Wanda giggles and blushes, “just us?”

“Yep”

“Sounds like a recipe for disaster” she flirts

“Or great fun” you open the passenger door and hold it open for your lady. Your loving doe bites her lip in playful contemplation as she slides into the passenger seat.

You and Wanda took off on your little trip the next morning. You punched in the coordinates in your phone’s map app and still kept the destination a secret.

The two of you ended up turning the trip itself into a journey. You and Wanda made a few stops up the coast. A quick stop at the gas station to grab a slushie. Listening to music in a little town’s record shop. It was time spent with the love of your life and it felt better than a day at a theme park.

You arrived outside your destination. Wanda gasped as she stepped out of the suv to find…

“A cottage? By the ocean?!” Wanda shouted gleefully, jumping up and down. She turns around jumps into your arms, grabbing your face and kissing you repeatedly. She did her best cover every square inch of your face with little kisses.

“Come on,” you chuckle, just loving the feeling of her lips on your face, “don’t you want a tour?”

You led her inside the small little cozy cottage. It was everything Wanda had dreamed of. A little nook with Harry Potter books and a Hedwig stuffie that you sent ahead for. A little fireplace that just needed to be lit.

You spent the a part of the day settling in. That was followed by a walk on the nearby beach. The wind was cold and the ocean was roaring loud but it was the kind of thing Wanda dreamed of, walking arm in arm with her detka.

You spent the evening making dinner on the kitchen stove and watching the Harry Potter movies as a marathon.

Wanda was curled up in your arms on the couch, just snuggling under a Hogwarts themed blanket, while sipping her favorite tea.

“Thank you detka” she kisses your cheek.

“We got the next three days here” you smile back at her before kissing her forehead. Her tail wiggled with delight.

That night Wanda curled up in your arms and dozed off peacefully. This little vacation was worth it in your mind.

You woke up to find Wanda looking at some photos on her phone.

“What’cha doing?” You asked playfully.

“Looking at my favorite photo” she answered back.

She turned her screen to you. Her favorite photo was one she took of you as you slept. You held her close as she nuzzles your neck.

Your precious doe. What would you do without her?

Tags @lifespectator @olsenmyolsen @supercorpdanbeau @scarletquake-n7 @revanshand @russianredassassin @texaswolf23 @idkwhatever580 @pinklawyerwinnerzonk

#marvel #marvel fluff #marvel imagine #mcu #mcu imagine #mcu fandom #wanda maximoff #wanda maximoff x reader #wanda maximoff imagine #wanda maximoff fluff #elizabeth olsen #bambi #bambi doe #Bambi Wanda

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jinx-xxed · 29 days ago

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Beautiful Thing Caged

Chapter 4; If you hear my voice

☆.。.:*・°☆.。.:*・°☆.。.:*・°☆.。.:*・°☆ .。.:*

A/N; Tell me the difference between the first two images. You can’t. Anyway, I’m so so sorry this took so long 😭😭 I’m praying to god that it won’t be this much of a wait next time, my writing block beat my ass 🫠 it is my promise that the next chapter is gonna actually have the good stuff in it <3

⇦ Part 3

Summary; Nobody told you how stressful being on the run was going to be.

Content; Werewolf AU, modern AU, werewolf Kylo Ren, human reader, or are they, scientist reader, soulmates, angst, being on the run, government fugitives, modern version of a Force bond?, mind communication, Target shopping trip woohoo, possessive Kylo, needy Kylo, brief scenting mentions, transformation, Kylo’s wolf form, Kylo knows more than he’s letting on

[Every chapter has specific content warnings]

Wc; 5.9k

☆.。.:*・°☆.。.:*・°☆.。.:*・°☆.。.:*・°☆ .。.:*

“You look tense.”

You glance to your right. “Who, me? No, I’m fine. I’m so fine. We’re just on the run from the government. That’s fine. I’m just hiding a beast man in my car. Yes, yeah, this is fine.”

There’s an awkward sort of silence that stretches between you afterwards. You can’t stand it, it leaves you alone with your thoughts for too long. You manage to unhook your hand from white-knuckling the steering wheel to crank the radio, some pop song from the 80s pouring through your speakers. You barely comprehend whatever words the guy is singing, but it helps give you a raft amidst the ocean of your mind. Something else to focus on besides Kylo hunched uncomfortably in the passenger seat and the possibility of being followed.

There’s been nothing so far, which you’re more than grateful for. Your eyes flick between the road and rearview mirror every two seconds, expecting some black van to pop up over the horizon’s edge to chase you down like in the spy movies you’ve seen. But it hasn’t happened and it honestly only makes you more uneasy. The rational part of your brain—which has been fighting for its life nonstop—keeps trying to tell you that it’s the dead of night and Kylo killed most of the security in the facility; you have some breathing room. It doesn’t keep your palms from sweating and your heart from threatening to beat out of your chest though.

The world around your car passes in a blur because of you going way over the speed limit—about thirty over in fact. The impossibly tall trees of the surrounding forest are illuminated by your passing headlights and you can only hope there’s not a cop car nestled among them somewhere. You brush that thought away in case it finally causes you to have a stress-induced heart attack.

At least Kylo seems calm. He hasn’t said much to you, probably because he can see how fast your brain is turning. There’s a million plans going through your mind, and he doesn’t want to be the one to disturb you. He instead keeps himself busy by studying your car, fascinated by the piece of machinery. He doesn’t touch anything since he still has blood smeared all over his hands, something you’ll have to clean ASAP. His shirt is stained too. So are his pants. And his feet. And his face. God, he’s a bloody mess. His eyes consistently stay locked on the window, on the trees that pass by in brown and green smudges. You know he wants to go back out there, but it’s too dangerous and… you can’t lose him like that. You grip the wheel a little tighter.

You manage to cut your drive time in half, your small neighborhood coming up faster than you would’ve thought. Your car trembles as you haphazardly veer into your driveway, barely managing to turn it off before you’re halfway out of the door. You run to the passenger side, undoing Kylo’s seatbelt and urging him out. “Come on! C’mon, c’mon!” You say desperately, tugging his arm for emphasis. He doesn’t fight against you, he wouldn’t dream of it. He merely follows your lead, seemingly eager to do so.

You almost drop your house key with the way your hands shake but you manage to jam it in and unlock your front door, shoving it open so harshly that it slams against the wall on the other side. If it left a dent, you don’t care. You’ll never be coming back here again anyway.

You bolt upstairs, taking them two at a time and not bothering with the lights. It should unnerve you how well you can suddenly see in the dark, but you can’t spare a thought towards it. You bolt into your bedroom, immediately grabbing the big duffel bag from your closet and stuffing things inside. Only the essentials; comfortable and flexible shirts and pants, socks, underwear. As you tear your room apart, Kylo stands obediently behind you, head turning to take it all in. You wouldn’t be able to tell, but he’s overjoyed that you’ve welcomed him into your space. It’s a step you aren’t even aware you’re taking with him, but that’s okay. He’s more than happy to wait there breathing in the abundance of your scent and looking over all of your things.

Until you’re shoving him out and towards the bathroom. “You need to get all that blood off.” You mutter, pulling back your shower door and turning on the faucet. You let it run for a moment before deeming it hot enough. You give the bottom of his shirt a single tug. “Take these off.”

You find that you can’t even acknowledge the fact he’s stripping right in front of you, every toned muscle and scar and freckle in perfect visibility. You only have the energy to spare a single glance that you use to look over his abs, but refusing to go any lower than that. The way he’s so unashamed, the way he just stands there like it’s normal, is new to you. It makes you glance away and clear your throat. You motion for him to get under the water and it immediately turns red when it hits him, running down the drain in bloody streams. You hand him a washcloth. “Use this to scrub all that off. You can use my soap if you want to, I don’t care. Just don’t take too long.”

He glances at you, trying to hold your gaze but you look away. “Okay.” His voice sends electricity jolting through you, the sound having been so rare throughout all of this that it still manages to shock you.

You hurry out of the bathroom, missing the way Kylo takes a long inhale of your shampoo, practically ingraining the smell into his mind.

You go back into your bedroom, dropping to your knees to dig around under your bed until you can find the old box you’re looking for. You call it your “disappearing in a hurry” emergency kit. Working for the government did not help your paranoia, but at least it ended up preparing you for a situation you never thought would actually happen. Inside there’s a burner phone, a first aid kit, a small utility kit, roughly a thousand dollars, a flash light, batteries, a hunters knife your dad gave you for your birthday, and a contact list. You take it all and sort it into either your duffel bag or the backpack you decided to also grab.

After changing out of your lab clothes, you check your watch—2:58 AM. Almost two hours since everything changed and yet none of it feels real. You almost wish you’d simply wake up in your bed at any moment and brush all this off as a crazy dream. You know that won’t happen though, the blood crusting the undersides of your fingernails is proof enough. With that thought, you force yourself to stand despite how weary you feel. You turn and can’t help the screech that leaves you when you find Kylo standing naked in the doorway, water still dripping off his body. “Jesus!” You exclaim, putting a hand to your chest to try and calm your constantly racing heart. You’re seriously going to have a heart attack; you can feel the silver hairs starting to take root.

Kylo’s head tilts. “Did I scare you?”

“Fucking- yeah, you scared me!” You brush past him and grab a towel from the bathroom before throwing it at him. It doesn’t do anything of course, but it makes you feel a little better. “Now dry off!”

You sigh, looking down at his clothes that were left in a heap on the floor. You definitely don’t have anything of his size in your house to replace them. The material is black and there’s not that much blood on them… You decide they’ll work until you can find something else.

Kylo pulls his clothes back on, the black t-shirt straining against his muscles in the way you remember. His ears stand alert and ruffled at the top of his damp hair, his equally damp tail protruding from the base of his spine. Right. That. You hum in thought, rifling through your closet again until finding an old baseball cap from Bass Pro Shop. “Here.” You say, standing on the very tips of your toes to reach up and secure the hat over his head. He winces as you shove his ears under the cap. The thing just barely fits him but it does the job.

Then you hand him a pair of flip flops that are at least three or four sizes too small. “Also wear these. Until I can get you something else.” He wrinkles his nose at them but doesn’t object, making a valiant attempt to fit his feet into the flip flops. His heels hang off the back but it’s better than nothing. It still looks ridiculous though and you both know it.

“Is there something we can do about this?” You ask, lightly holding his tail in your palms. Even with it being wet from the shower, it still feels remarkably soft and thick. It twitches in your grasp, like he wants to pull away but refrains from doing so.

“If you’re asking if I can make it disappear, then no.” Kylo says roughly, like he’s struggling to contain himself. The muscles in his jaw visibly work beneath his skin.

“Stuff it under your shirt.” You say.

“What?”

You don’t repeat yourself before your grabbing his tail, lifting up the back of his shirt, and trying to stuff it inside. His entire body tenses and then he whirls on you faster than you could ever hope to react. The tips of his claws threaten to dig into your wrists. “Knock it off.” He snarls at you, his fangs in perfect view.

“Why? You need to hide that thing.” You snap right back, glaring. “Unless you want to get caught again and killed. Your choice.”

He releases you with a huff, turning his back and reaching to try and fix his tail himself. “It’s sensitive.” He mutters.

“Oh.” You say. Then you pause, now realizing you really shouldn’t have just grabbed it out of nowhere. “Ohh. Sorry.” He grunts—a perfectly noncommittal response.

You grab your bags, slinging them over your shoulders and huffing at the weight. You give your room one last look—all your posters and tiny collectibles, your few stuffed animals, the books on your bookshelves… all of it is getting left behind. You’ll never see it again. You’ll miss your bed most of all, you think. It always managed to hug your body in all the right ways. You swallow thickly and turn away from it, instead leading Kylo back downstairs.

You grab the family photo on your tv stand, finding yourself unable to leave it behind. You try not to linger too long on the faces of your mother and father. Then you rummage through your kitchen, taking a miscellaneous haul of canned foods and a few water bottles. Kylo offers to take some of the things from you and you don’t object, your arms having quickly become too full. “Alright, let’s keep moving. I doubt time will continue being so generous.” You say, looking at the clock on your stove. 3:27 AM.

Back outside, you throw everything in the trunk of your Nissan and clamber into the front once more. You quickly back out of your driveway, your headlights illuminating your house for a final time. It’ll probably be swarming with agents soon. It fills you with remorse, but you have to shake it off. You should be glad to leave that empty place where you locked yourself inside day in and day out, too afraid to interact with anyone because of your job. This’ll be good for you. Or at least that’s what you keep telling yourself.

You glance towards the glove compartment, remembering that you’d stuffed the gun you’d taken in there. A much safer alternative to carrying it on your person. It’ll be good to have in case you ever need it, although when you have Kylo with you, you doubt that you will. Precautions and what not.

You follow the familiar roads towards the gas station that sits at the edge of your small town. Most things in this place are within walking distance, nothing straying too far except for the government facility that sits about an hours drive away. The town is full of rumors because of it, and that’s part of the reason you stayed away from the residents. You didn’t want any questions. It left you alone for the last five years of your life and for some reason you’re just now realizing that. Maybe it’s because you finally have someone with you after all that time.

You don’t get a chance to think on it anymore as you pull into the 24-hour gas station. You step out to get gas first, filling your tank to the brim. You’ll need it. Then, after you parked closer to the store, you motion for Kylo to get out. You refuse to leave him outside by himself, hence why you put so much effort in trying to hide his wolf attributes. The tail sticking up his shirt definitely looks awkward, but it seems he flattened it enough to where it doesn’t look… horrible. It’ll be a mercy when you can get him new clothes.

You use the ATM attached to the side of the gas station, taking out as much as possible from your account. That turns out to be 2.3 thousand. Added to your thousand from your emergency kit, you think it should be enough for the time being. Once you leave the area you won’t be able to use your card anymore though. What a pain in the ass. You sigh as you pull open the door, that familiar gas station smell hitting you and filling your nostrils.

You don’t need much, just a map and a few extra snacks you can tear into in the car plus an energy drink or two. You tell Kylo to get anything he wants and it comes at no shock that he takes a bag of beef jerky, the meaty smell probably calling to him even through the plastic. You head to the register with your haul, haphazardly laying it all in front of the cashier.

The young guy says your name with familiarity and a smile. You have to look at his name tag to jog your memory. Mason. “Oh, hey! I haven’t seen you around for a while. Let alone at this hour.” He says. His brows crease. “Is everything okay? You look… awful.”

You try and laugh it off. “Yeah, yeah. Everything’s fine. Just a lot of… research lately. Needed some late night fuel.”

He nods. “Totally, totally. You sure, though? Don’t forget it’s always important to take a-“

Mason’s words trail off from a growl that comes rumbling out of Kylo, his sharp teeth just barely showing between his lips. His eyes with their slitted pupils look downright scary in the harsh lighting. You quickly smack him on the chest, making him shut the hell up as a blush creeps up your neck. “Just check me out, please, Mason.” You say, fumbling to get your card out.

“Woah-kay. Sorry.” He mumbles, now doing a very good job of avoiding looking at you or Kylo as he puts everything in a bag. He tells you your total, you pay, and then you’re grabbing your stuff. “Hey, if you need anything..” A fierce glare from Kylo cuts Mason off again and has you rushing from the gas station, tugging the beast man out behind you.

“I need you to not growl at everyone else you meet so we don’t raise suspicion.” You hiss as soon as you’re back in the car.

“He was asking too many questions.” Kylo retorts while tearing open the bag of beef jerky with his teeth.

You roll your eyes. “My point still stands. He’s going to get interrogated about that. Just- keep it in check.” He only huffs at you. Another noncommittal response from him, but you’ll take it.

Once you’re back on the road, you take your phone out of where it was resting in the cup holder. “Can you break this?” You ask Kylo, handing it over to him. He was in the middle of eating his jerky but puts it down to take your phone. “Like, in half.”

His face scrunches in concentration for just a second before there’s a resounding snapping sound. “Like that?” He asks, holding up the now two halves of your phone.

You will admit you’re unnerved by how quickly he did that and with such ease too. But he did shatter that seemingly impenetrable glass back at the facility so really you don’t know what you expected. “Yes… like that. Thanks.” You take the two pieces, seeing how he broke the SIM card as well from where he decided to cleave it. Very nice. You roll down your window and use all the strength you can to chuck it into the trees beyond. You’ll make that up to Mother Nature sometime later, but for now you’re just glad to have that glorified tracking device out of your car. You can relax just the slightest bit.

Kylo opens one of your chip bags for you, setting it up on your console so you can multitask eating and driving. You have no set destination yet, your only goal for now being to get as far away from the facility as possible. They have to have people deployed by now, someone would’ve reported the alarm. The thought makes your palms clammy.

You steel yourself with a deep breath. You have a long journey ahead of you.

» ☆ «

You pull into the Target parking lot as the sun rises over the building’s edge, washing everything in that peaceful, orange glow. You wish you could mimic that feeling for yourself but it feels impossible as you usher Kylo out of the car and hurry across the asphalt with him right on your heels. He’s looking around at everything, utterly fascinated by the shopping center, and you have to keep a hold on him to make sure he doesn’t wander in front of a car.

The baseball caps you both wear hide the upper halves of your faces for which you’re grateful when you pass under security cameras, the things making your skin crawl. You drove straight through the night, only stopping for the occasional and necessary pee break—more than a few ended up being in the middle of the woods. You made it across state lines hours ago, but you still felt the tension in your shoulders. For all you knew, there was some nationwide alert to be looking out for people matching your descriptions and a government agent would tackle you to the ground as soon as you step foot in the Target.

That in fact did not happen as you walked through the sliding glass doors.

You go straight towards the clothing section since Kylo’s bloodstained, singular outfit with horribly small flip flops can only last him so much longer. His tail threatens to slip from the back of his shirt every two seconds despite his best efforts to keep it in place. You begin to look through the selection of men’s clothing, seeking out anything black or dark colored. Thankfully with it turning to colder seasons, that’s most of what’s out. Kylo clearly has no inclination towards what he wears so you have to take charge and pick things out for him.

You’re lucky that a large size in most apparel seems to fit him. There’s some strain here and there but you have to admit you like the way his muscles push against the fabric. You manage to get three shirts, two pairs of pants, an extra large hoodie, socks, boxers, and a different cap just so he has one that doesn’t grate so much on his ears. It was all fairly easy but shoes on the other hand…

You groan as you look through the boxes, trying to find the right size. “Why do you have to be so massive?”

“You say that like I chose to be this way.” He says, pulling off another pair that didn’t fit him right.

“Well, it definitely feels like your fault.” You mutter. You take out a few pairs in size 12 that you managed to find, laying them down haphazardly next to where he sits. You’ve been looking for shoes for thirty minutes already, with you going back and forth whenever another pair doesn’t work out. You’re getting antsy. You don’t want to stay in one spot too long, not when you’re still too close to where you came from. You breathe a sigh of relief when a pair of black Nike’s seems suitable for him.

“Alright, we’ll check out all your clothes first and then go get some extra food.” You say, both of you carrying large bundles of items between you.

You go to the self-checkout, feeling far too wound taut to interact with another human being. Kylo hovers over your shoulder like an imposing wall as you scan everything, throwing them into the too-small bags. The total wasn’t as much as you thought it would be, but it was still enough to make you huff in disbelief. You stuffed the mile long receipt into your back pocket, then hurrying to the bathrooms.

You dig out a shirt, pants, the boxers and socks, the hat and the hoodie, forcing them towards him with the shoe box. “Here, find the biggest stall and go change. Throw out your old clothes when you’re done.” He stands there looking at you expectantly and it takes you a second to realize before you scoff. “Kylo, I can’t follow you in there. I’ll be right here.”

He gives you the saddest expression he’s been able to muster since you’ve known him, reminding you exactly of a lonely puppy. If you aren’t mistaken, there’s even a whine that comes from him and it threatens to break your resolve. No. You can’t go into a men’s restroom. You give him a shove towards the door. “Kylo, go. You’ll be fine.” He finally listens to you and disappears inside but he’s definitely not happy about it.

As you wait outside, you almost wish you actually had gone in with him. You don’t know if it’s because of what little sleep you’ve gotten or whatever it is between you that bonds you both together, but your anxiety without him next to you skyrockets. You tap your foot, you bite at your nails, your heart feels like it’s about to beat out of your chest, scenarios play in your head of something bad happening in a simple bathroom.

It all disappears when Kylo comes back out a few minutes later. He beelines to you, immediately pressing himself against you and nuzzling into your neck like he needs your scent to be able to calm himself. “Alright, alright.” You mutter affectionately, gently pushing him off you so you stop getting weird looks from people coming into the store. He relents, slipping his hand into yours instead. You certainly don’t mind, his large hand is warm and calloused and an instant comfort.

Looking him over, you see that the new clothes fit him remarkably well. He looks normal… or at least as normal as he can be with the huge scar on his face and an unnerving aura surrounding him. The extra large hoodie was a smart choice, the thing doing a much better job of hiding his tail beneath it.

Hand in hand, you lead him towards the grocery aisle, also taking a basket on your way. You grab mostly canned or boxed goods since you had no idea when you’re going to be able to find someplace to rest. You throw in some fruits and simple vegetables like carrots and also two packages of steaks after Kylo wouldn’t stop staring at them. You know his tail would be wagging if it was freed of its cotton confines. You get toiletries while you’re at it, replacing a lot of the things you had to leave behind at your house and adding new things for Kylo.

You feel like you can finally breathe when you at last leave the Target, the multitude of white bags split between the both of you. They get stuffed into your backseat and then you’re back on the road.

“That wasn’t too bad, right? I’m just glad I could get you some clothes.” You say, casting a sideways glance at Kylo. He looks far more comfortable. You’re glad.

He looks down at himself, his tail now freed and tucked across his legs, his hat removed to show his ears. He plucks absently at the cuffs on his hoodie, running his thumb along the ribbed texture. “They’re nice.” He says, voice softened with something you can’t quite name. He’s silent for a moment, his jaw working and left ear flicking once as he debates on his words before swallowing. “Thank you.”

Your fingers tighten briefly around the wheel, your nod small. He sounded so unsure, like he’s never had a proper reason to thank someone before. “Mhm.”

» ☆ «

The day passes in a crawl.

You drive, and drive, and drive.

The only things you know are the leather of the steering wheel and the droning of the radio.

You’ve gotten through another state, leaving the facility further and further behind. You can feel the burning beneath your eyes, the way your muscles bunch and quiver. You’re past the point of energy drinks or old gas station coffee being able to help you so you instead stay awake using your urge for survival. Adrenaline has brought you this far, surely it can bring you a little farther.

But where are you even going?

God, you really didn’t think this through, huh?

All of this is crazy, something you’ve had to come to terms with multiple times over. Breaking a werewolf out of a government facility, making an enemy of said government, driving to god knows where without sufficient preparation. And for what? Just because you “felt a connection” to some beast man you barely know? You realize that you’re insane and you probably should’ve checked yourself into a hospital before going through with any of this.

But instead here you are, exhaustion making everything feel heavier as the sun sinks below the mountains in the distance. You realize then how much your body aches despite your stretches, how your stomach is twisting around itself in its hunger. You haven’t paid much attention to anything besides Kylo, Kylo, Kylo—and you’ve paid the price. Darkness threatens the edges of your vision, your neck feeling too weak to hold up your own head. Your frayed mind tells you how they’re right behind you, that you’ll be captured and this was all for nothing. You’ll die in the same place this all started.

“Stop the car.”

The sudden voice startles you, snapping you out of your spiral and forcing you to wake the fuck back up. “What?”

Kylo’s looking at you. “Pull over.”

You blink, shaking your head. “Wh- What? Why?”

“You need to take a break. You’re going to collapse.” He says simply, though there’s the tone of demand behind his words.

You’re embarrassed he was able to tell the state of your mind but you can’t disagree with him. You slowly ease your car to a stop along the small road that cuts through a lush forest, only wide enough to fit one car going either direction. You find a flatter strip and veer off the road, tucking your car as far into the trees as it would allow without you getting stuck. It’s not much, but it’ll keep it hidden in the dark and keep people from getting curious.

You open your door and step out. You find that your legs shake uncontrollably and can barely support your weight, making you brace a hand on the warm hood of your car. Kylo is by your side in a second, looking at you with concern and trying to offer support. You brush him off again like you did at the facility and you can see the frustration on his features. “I’m fine. I just need a minute outside of the damn car.” You mutter.

You dig a few things out of the backseat including the map, a bottle of water, and an apple. You then traipse through the woods while trying not to trip and fall in the dark with Kylo right on your heels, who’s navigating the rough and uneven terrain with the ease of someone who’s lived in it his entire life. You find a small clearing with a felled log and promptly prop yourself up against it, the slightly damp, cool bark a balm on your back.

You spread the map out on the grass before you, using rocks to hold down the corners. While drinking your water and practically inhaling the apple, you try to look at where you are and where you plan on going. However, all the different tiny and multicolored lines keep blurring together into one giant, incomprehensible mess. You can’t keep your thoughts straight—or your body for that matter. You keep teetering off to the side when you lose focus, your limbs too worn out to keep you upright.

You groan, resting your face in your palms and digging your fingers into your eyes, trying to push away the burning exhaustion. It feels like your eyes are closed for only a second but when you open them again, there’s a massive black wolf standing in front of you with Kylo nowhere in sight. An involuntary, startled scream erupts from you before you recognize the large scar bisecting the fur on its face.

“Kylo? Holy fuck, is that you?” You breathe, eyes wide and body frozen until the creature nods his head. “Oh my god.” You don’t know what else to say besides that, so you repeat the statement a couple times over.

His wolf form is huge and a little terrifying. You know that if you were standing at full height, he would still be a head or more taller than you, similar to how he was as a human. His fur is sleek and full, stretching nicely along his powerful, muscled body and only being interrupted by whatever scars he holds. His brown eyes shine brighter than they did before, his pupils narrowed to slits. An apex predator standing in front of you so calmly like this is a little unnerving, like it shouldn’t be real. Like he should be ripping your throat out any second.

I would never harm you.

His deep voice reverberates inside your head, echoing across your brain and making you jump. You’re sure it looks like your eyes are about to pop out from how wide they are as you gape at him. The wolf’s mouth hadn’t moved and yet you could hear him clear as day. It was weird and otherworldly, sending a shiver down your spine. “How in the hell are you doing that?” You demand, voice barely above a whisper in worry that you’d ruin this moment.

We’re connected, you and I. It allows me inside your head. You could do the same if you were in your proper form.

Your brows furrow. “What do you mean by that?”

His big head shakes. We can discuss it later. You’re far too exhausted for that now. You need to rest, it’s been nearly two days.

You scoff. “Out here? In the woods?”

He tilts his head, ears flopping with the movement. You’ve always loved wolves—they’re so cute. The woods are a safe place for someone trying to hide. Nothing will happen to you out here.

“How very reassuring.” You say, even as a yawn interrupts your words. He’s right, it’s been almost two days with no sleep and very little nutrition. You’re exhausted and on the brink of passing out. You don’t even have the energy to argue, because what else would you do? Find a hotel? Your nerves wouldn’t possibly allow for something like that.

So you oblige him. You find a little spot cushioned with moss and thicker grass, easing yourself down onto the forest floor. It’s not the most comfortable thing in the world, a little chilly from the October weather, but that’s quickly remedied when Kylo settles in behind you. He curves himself perfectly along your body, putting one big paw over you to pull you into him even further. His form practically engulfs yours, his soft fur warming you like a fire. His tail curls up around you and then all you know is him. He smells like pine trees with an undercurrent of comforting campfire smoke, filling your senses and releasing the tension from your muscles. You feel the rise and fall of his breaths with the way you’re pressed into him, the air from his nose tickling the hairs on top of your head.

But even with all that, sleep still seems too far from your grasp. You stare out into the woods, your paranoia eating away at you and making you think you see dark figures amongst the trees. Making you think that any noise along the road is a vehicle full of government agents primed to take you away. The cold moss does little to soothe the anxiety-induced flush in your face, your body trembling from your self-sabotage and imaginary enemies.

I hate to see you like this. Because of me. Kylo’s voice is quiet in your head, full of remorse. Please, sleep. You need it.

Your fingers dig into the grass, your teeth grinding together almost painfully. What if something happens when you close your eyes? What if they find you? You move a hand up to cover your face, the freezing cold of your palm soothing against your cheeks burning from your anxiety and stress. “I- I know… but I just-“

His form presses closer to you, which you didn’t think was possible. If something passed by, you doubt you’d even be visible within his dark fur. His head dips down to nuzzle against your head, trying so desperately to soothe you in the only ways he knows how. I will protect you. Go to sleep. I can’t feel you when you’re like this.

“Feel me?” You mumble, the question slurred by your exhaustion.

Your emotions, your thoughts. It’s all muddled because you can barely think straight. He explains, annoyance biting into his last words. He’s actually upset you haven’t been looking after yourself. The idea of someone caring about you that much seems utterly ridiculous. Rest. I’ll keep you safe. His words sound so sincere with such a deadly threat to them that you can’t help but believe him. You saw what he did back in the facility, you watched him wash off the blood.

Your eyes finally close, unable to resist any longer as the dark of night consumes the forest. Your sleep is uneasy, but you consider yourself lucky to have fallen asleep at all. You know it’s only because Kylo is there and you fully trust in his promise to keep you from harm.

☆.。.:*・°☆.。.:*・°☆.。.:*・°☆.。.:*・°☆ .。.:*

Tags (comment if you’d like to be tagged next time!); @coldheartedmar @hazydespair @bullet-clubs-bitch @paristheonewhoreads @s1eepy-bear @takeyour-pants-off @toraar @witchywannabe3263

⇦ Part 3

#I fall to the floor #I looked at the last chapters date and died ajshshksk #forgive me 🧎🧎#star wars #star wars fanfic #star wars x reader #kylo ren #kylo ren fanfic #kylo #kylo ren x reader #kylo x reader #kylo x you #kylo fanfic #werewolf Kylo ren #werewolf au #werewolf fanfic

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kayakiki · 21 days ago

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ANIMAL LOVER | John Marston x reader

Summary: John Marston has to deal with you bringing an animal back to camp. (Again)

Warning(s): Author tried to be funny

Genre: Fluff

It was no secret ‘round these parts that you had a habit of collecting animals—stray dogs, half-blind cats, a hawk with a busted wing, and even, god help us, a coyote pup you swore was harmless. But it weren’t just the small, pitiful creatures you took in. No, you had a heart big enough for the beasts most folks wouldn’t dare go near. A half-wild mustang with a temper worse than the devil’s, a wolf-dog that had sent more than one man scrambling for his rifle, and—if you can believe it—even a damn mountain lion cub you raised right under our noses.

You had a way with ‘em, though. Animals folks called killers would come to you like you were somethin’ holy, eyes wary but hopeful, drawn to the soft words and steady hands that never flinched. A man could come at you with a gun, and you’d sooner shoot him dead than take a step back—but an injured rattlesnake? You’d scoop it up like a newborn babe, muttering ‘easy now’ while everyone else took ten steps back. More than once, the camp woke up to find some new creature lurking ‘round camp, sniffing at their boots, or you sitting in front of your tent and scratching behind its ears like it was a house pet.

Today, was one of those days when you decided to rescue an animal.

Marching right into camp, cradling a rather scruffy-looking raccoon in your arms like it was some kind of long-lost child, you stopped right in front of John, beaming up at him with those wide, excited eyes that had an uncanny ability to disarm even the gruffest of outlaws.

You held up the raccoon for emphasis. “Look what I found!”

John looked down at you and the animal in your arms with an expression that could only be described as sheer exhaustion. He slowly blinked, then glanced around as if searching for some hidden camera that might reveal this to be an elaborate joke.

“Sweetheart” he drawled, voice dripping with amused disbelief. “Is there a reason you’re holdin’ a goddamn raccoon like it’s a newborn baby?”

You gasped, clutching the raccoon protectively. “His name is Bandit, and he has no one. So now he has us.”

Silence stretched between you as he just stared. Then, finally, he exhaled sharply, dragging a hand down his face. “Of course he does” he muttered. “Because God forbid we just live like normal people without adoptin’ every wild animal in the damn country.”

Nearby, a few gang members had overheard and began chiming in.

“Is that—?”

“You didn’t.”

“Are we seriously keepin’ a raccoon now?”

The camps cook, Pearson, crossed his arms and shook his head. “Darlin’, I hate to break it to ya, but raccoons ain’t exactly the best company. They got little hands, y’know. Real sneaky bastards. Gonna steal everything we own.”

You huffed, holding Bandit closer as if shielding him from such blasphemy. “He would never. He’s just misunderstood.”

Your partner snorted, crossing his arms. “Oh, so he’s just misunderstood, huh? Kinda like that coyote you tried to keep last month?”

“That was different.”

“And the crocodile?”

“She was injured!”

“The snake?”

You pouted. “He was friendly.”

“Friendly. Right.” His lips twitched as if he was resisting the urge to smile. Instead, he let out a long, suffering sigh and pinched the bridge of his nose. “Alright, fine. But I ain’t takin’ responsibility for it.”

“You won’t have to.” You grinned triumphantly, scratching Bandit’s chin, the raccoon letting out a pleased little chitter. A few of the gang members shook their heads in amusement before returning to whatever they had been doing, leaving you and John to deal with your new ‘family member’ in peace.

Bandit, of course, decided that this was the perfect moment to wriggle out of your arms, scampering up onto your partner’s shoulder before perching there like he belonged. Your partner stiffened immediately, glaring at the raccoon now making itself comfortable on him. Bandit, in return, stared at him with the beady-eyed confidence of a creature that feared absolutely nothing.

John exhaled sharply. “I swear, you’re lucky you’re cute” he grumbled, shooting you a look that, despite his best efforts, was more fond than annoyed.

"I know right? Just look at him" You smiled, watching the racoon chewing at John's hair.

"I was talkin' about you, sweetheart, not the racoon."

Your smile widened, heart warming at John's words, as you asked hopefully. “So he can stay?”

Your partner scowled. “Like I got a choice.”

You squealed in delight, throwing your arms around him, which resulted in Bandit scrambling up onto his head like some kind of crown. He muttered something under his breath, staring off into the distance as if wondering where exactly his life had gone so wrong.

“Well, hell” he muttered. “Guess we got a raccoon now.”

And just like that, Bandit became a permanent fixture in camp. He stole food, knocked over bottles, and developed a particular fondness for perching on your partner whenever he was trying to be serious. Your partner complained (constantly), but he never actually made an effort to get rid of Bandit.

Because at the end of the day, no matter how many times he sighed, how many sarcastic comments he made, how many bewildered looks he shot you when you brought back yet another ‘poor abandoned creature’—he couldn’t say no to you.

And really, what was one more stray in a camp full of outlaws?

#red dead redemption 2 #red dead redemption #rdr2 #rdr #john marston #john marston x reader #rdr fanfiction #short story

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hwnglx · 3 months ago

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hi caitlin, happy new year ♡ apologies way in advance for this possibly controversial topic. if it's crossing a boundary, please disregard this completely. if it could be done, can a reading be done on whether or not enhypen actually find the fans they meet at fansigns attractive?

there's kind of a popular assumption that the enhypen members find some fans attractive, which leads to flirty behavior from the members. there are a few tiktok videos about this and some it can be a bit convincing ngl. though a lot of people also see it as just them trying to get a paycheck.

again, if this isn't appropriate, please ignore. it'd just be nice to possibly see if there's any validity to it through a tarot reading. if you decide to do the reading, it's completely up to you if it's a general whole group reading, without specifying any members, or on each individual member. so sorry for the lengthy message.... whatever you decide to do, thank you either way!

hi love. i looked into the general energy, and pulled a few cards for each member.

6ow, mo and highpr, quoc plus 7oc wolf in sheep's clothing hustling: making it rain, focused on getting money

LOL okay, so. immediate emphasis on fame, recognition, success, validation, money, etc.

what i mainly sense here, is flattery, and a push in pride.

it's this satisfying ego-stroke you get when a person you find physically appealing, likes you and are fans of you. so much that they spend all that money for fansigns? they are still men at the end of the day, so most of them probably won't despise the sight of an “objectively” attractive woman.

the main intention behind them leaning into the flirty behavior though, is to feed people's delusions, which in retrospect, benefits their bag as well.

you gotta remember, the job of an idol, and essentially the thickness of their bag, is hugely dependent on public perception, and pleasing the audience; reason why fanservice is such a huge thing for the kpop industry.

obviously, as much as you need to do your research and know your assignments at work lol, these men are highly aware of what the public and their fans want, so they can lay it on thick intentionally. they will play into the fantasies of fans, since they know this will help them advance. and if the fan turns out to be pretty; even better. there's this feeling of it coming “easier” to them as well.

however, i do have to say, there's some secretive and cautious energy here with the moon and the high priestess. something hidden. this part of the reading was kinda hazy to me, like the cards just.. aren't speaking to me. it's like tight-lipped, let's keep these emotions under wraps, stay aware of how much we showcase; just enough to satisfy the audience.

i can not help the feeling that there probably are a few members who can feel an attraction, it's just moreso something that's subconscious. they keep things more professional and try to see it as a job. that “wolf in sheep's clothing” card is also.. someone putting on more of an innocent and gentler image than what they actually are.

to add, spirit is reminding me of how wolves are highly instinctive creatures.

heeseung: devil and hermit

so, heeseung can feel attraction, yes. but he's also self-aware, and not a person to fall to temptation as easily. he's gonna be like “nope” inside. can't and shouldn't go there.

jay: nine of wands

he was very clear in his no here. like “no way, there's certain boundaries that shouldn't be crossed, fans are fans.” he literally puts a wall between them in that regard, which is interesting, since he does seem to like slipping into this whole “boyfriend material” role. it's just more of a job for him.

sunghoon: page of cups, four of pentacles and justice

this man is all about that bag. it's like meh, he just does what needs to be done, to get the job over with. even if it means feeding fan's delusional fantasies. he also knows many of them come to them with the hopes of having their little cute moments, so he just gives them what they want. i don't see any attraction on his side, he seems very business-oriented.

jake: five of pentacles and queen of pentacles

yes for him. honestly, jake just loves women. he easily finds them attractive, especially physically. he seems like a member who feels the most flattered and fulfilled by all the female validation, since he can feel a little low in self-esteem at times.

sunoo: king of swords

no. sunoo is quite detached. he moreso enjoys the conversation, it feels more friendly than anything. he might be the member who looks at his fans like his friends. i can't see any real attraction here, just business.

jungwon

i will come back to him at some later point, i just really struggled connecting and understanding his energy.

ni-ki: ace of wands

yes. for ni-ki, it's like he literally doesn't care to restrain, if he finds someone attractive, he just finds them attractive. he will probably show it too. the answer was straightforward for him. he does seem less experienced, so it's this exciting feeling you get when you haven't dated much yet and see someone who appeals to you. can happen more easily to someone who's yet to develop their specific type.

#kpop tarot #enhypen tarot #this was interesting

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threepandas · 10 months ago

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Bad End: Happy Hunting! (1)

I should have known better. They told us. TRAINED US. Over and over, drilled into our heads! Don't assume! Don't PROJECT Human body language onto alien species! Think that just because they look similar, are ACTING similar, their brains are in any way WORKING similar!

Not every species pack bonds! Some of them are PREDATORS. Be CAREFUL!

I was an idiot. A fucking IDIOT!

I gasped for air. Ran. Ran and ran and RAN. Desperately trying to put distance between me and the hunters behind me. I could hear screams. Crashing. The sound of weapon fire. The air here wasn't RIGHT. Too high in oxygen? Too low? Some other trace element, slowly poisoning my lungs?

I didn't know. Scared! Oh god, I'm so scared!

I thought he was my friend!

Thought THEY were my friends! Stupid. So God damned stupid! You really will pack bond with ANYTHING, won't you?! They bare their teeth and you fucking thought it was a SMILE! No wonder I barely graduated. They never should have-!

A root catches my foot.

Crashing to the mulch of the forest floor. Scramble to get up. My ankle on fire. Hurts. Oh god it hurts! Ignore it. Go! Keep going! Gotta get OUT! Find a ship. Any ship! Radio for help!

All the trees look the same. Am I even going in a straight line? Deeper or across? Away from civilization? I don't know how to survive here! Can I even drink the water? No. Run! Just RUN! Nothing else!

I can't hear them.

Him.

I thought he was my friend.

My grades were shit. Worst of the Best, but ultimately good enough. Got to see the stars. The galaxy. Meet real life aliens. Was a glorified gofer for the Earthling Diplomat's Entourage. Galactic Council offered staff. Wasn't really an offer. We took um. Some of them were the "better" guards then the super military badasses we had brought.

Military badasses were pretty offended.

But I was a gofer. Not my circus, not my monkeys. Just here for the aliens, right? Yay getting to meet some, right? I couldn't even PRONOUNCE their species name. I was mortified. Tried my damnedest. They thought it was hilarious. My pronunciation was god awful. Was calling them the cutesy babified version of "office chair".

Met Wolfe. He seemed FRIENDLY. Kind. Considerate. He told jokes. Asked about my day. I started sharing. Hobbies and interests. Stories about home. Explained weird human behaviors. We were close. I... I thought we were close! Was it a lie? Was everything A LIE!?

When my rotation in space was coming to an end, I was SAD! Fucking HEARTBROKEN! That I might never see my friends again. Since communication between our two planets wasn't even stabilized yet. Might never be. I wanted to savor our time together. Treasure it!

But then things started to go wrong.

Random malfunctions, that delayed and delayed us. Lost communications that nearly caused interplanetary incidents. Took days and weeks to fix at a time. People went MISSING. We looked. Every time we LOOKED!

They're dead, aren't they? Oh god. Dozens of crew members DEAD.

Then the engine "broke". Conveniently just close enough for us to make an emergency landing on this planet! And oh, would you look at THAT! A sacred cultural festival!? They won't help us unless we join in.

It's a MARRIAGE HUNT.

Heavy emphasis on the HUNT part!

They weren't surprised. Not a single one. Every last one just turned too different people and... and...! Wolfe planned this. THEY planned this! We're gonna die. I trusted him and now I'm gonna DIE! Can't breathe! Branches whipping at my arms and hair and face, as I RUN. Down slopes. Across shallow rivers. Even as my limbs BURN. I... I HAVE TOO-!

A powerful wall of muscle slams into me.

I scream. Thrash, even as I fall. My arms are easily tucked and pinned against my side, as the body covering mine rolls with me down a slight incline. The smell of wet plant matter and upturned soil thick in the strange air. Dizzy. I feel sick. Oh god please no!

Heat and pressure pin me down. Arms like thick steel bands. Still, I struggle, like a cornered animal. I have too. They always tell you to FIGHT. Only chance and survival. The deep rumble of crooned reassurances in an alien dialect fill my ear. I can feel how DEEPLY he breathes me in, before each sentence. Like hes been holding back and finally no longer has too, is giddy with it. How his hands already spread possessively, eager to explore.

And he's strong. Oh god, he's so strong! Please please please! Let go. LET GO!

"Shhhhhh shh shh, is 'okay' now. I have you. You ran so hard! Did so well! My precious little human~ so brave. So strong. You did it! Now, no one can EVER seperate us! You don't have to worry anymore. No more tears~" Hunter, Warrior, oh god it was never a GRIN-! His teeth are so sharp. Pressed so close to my skin!

"I'll take care of EVERYTHING~"

I'm scared.

#threepandas #yandere #bad end happy hunting au #bad end au #yanderecore #yandere x reader #alien gaurd yandere #marriage hunt #yandere x darling #and yes #they DID Amoung Us the everyone in their way #they are the Yandere Race #but only for themselves and APPARENTLY humans #its an interplanetary incident #whoops #predator/prey

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vitaminseetarot · 5 months ago

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Pick a Card: Your Next Upcoming Transformation 🌕🦋

Hey y'all, welcome back for another pac reading for our last supermoon of the year. This full moon is in Taurus, so we are encouraged to step back and focus on resting and self care in between these tumultuous and difficult energies we are currently running through. Every late autumn season invites us to explore how we have transformed over the year and how we are still evolving. This Scorpio season in particular has been very emboldened and expressive as I've seen its presence in everything from neighborhood construction to politics. And while I will avoid making this post too charged, I will use this post as a reminder that I support all marginalized communities who are feeling confused and vulnerable at this time. I hope you find this blog to be a safe space.

Butterfly imagery has been surrounding me, and I was even gifted some butterfly magnets this season. Butterflies represent the soul and its deep transformative abilities. As we release the old, we may be able to spread our wings to be magnets for better times ahead. So I've created six piles to show where and how this process is shifting you to your next chapter.

1. Pink Butterfly - Little Princess 2. Red Butterfly - Inferno 3. Yellow Butterfly - Spirited Yellow 4. Green Butterfly - Willow Hedge 5. Blue Butterfly - Sea of Tranquility 6. Purple Butterfly - Joie de vivre

Pile 1: Pink Butterfly - Little Princess

6 of Pentacles, Queen of Cups; Appreciation, Marquise, Wolf, Grandmother Moonstone "Forgive, not because they deserve it, but because you deserve peace."

Good evening, pile 1. Your next chapter involves balancing your needs with the needs of others. Perhaps for a while, you have been on one end of an extreme when it came to exchanging. You may feel as though you give too much without receiving the equivalent in return, and this realization means that your generous energy is wearing down on you. It could also be the other way around, where you could feel guilty when others give you things because you're not sure how you will be able to return the favor. It may feel easier to lean on oneself than to grapple with paying back such a gift, as you wouldn't want the other person to feel tired too. I'm feeling many hang ups on both ends when it comes to generosity, and this energy may be arising due to the holiday season getting closer. With the Marquise card showing the Libra symbol above the 6 of Pentacles, balance is the emphasis here. Balance is not always an exact 50/50 at the time of exchange. Cycles will come where you may rely on the help of others more, followed by phases where those same people will come to need and appreciate your help. This is balance in a higher order sense, in terms of your lifetime and not just one season.

It could have been that, in childhood, you were given strange attitudes and beliefs on giving and receiving. I'm getting a weird reaction from seeing "Little Princess". Some part of you may want to embody the princess archetype, who lives in abundance and receives adoration. But maybe there were people who used it with a more negative connotation, like saying "bratty princess" or "spoiled rotten princess". This could have been from family, friends, or even ideas picked up from TV. It could have been that others act like they're spoiling you or really going out of their way when they give you or help you with something. It's such a sticky back and forth, and in time it becomes harder to receive or be grateful from such a source of negativity. And now you've been getting this intuitive nudge that healthier beliefs need to be created.

This season is about observing these negative beliefs and reclaiming your feelings of gratitude and generosity, in a sense. Gratitude isn't about settling for bad standards; if you get a bad gift or a good gift out of somebody "spoiling" you, it's not a reflection of who you are but of where they're at in their own journey. If they don't seem grateful for what you do, that's also a part of their own process. Some people won't be able to reciprocate, just as there are times where others will give more than you can give back. You can embody a healthy princess archetype by allowing yourself to receive without guilt, and letting yourself give without exhausting yourself. People above all like to know they're being appreciated, even if the gift isn't perfect, which means you're off the pressure from finding that perfect thing too. It's ultimately the thought that counts, so whatever you give or get, release the burden and enjoy the gift swapping. If you feel others don't appreciate what you do, please understand it's part of their own life to deal with and please give yourself that gift of self-appreciation.

Pile 2: Red Butterfly - Inferno

XXIII Prism, XI Justice; Future, Tear, Lion, Anandalite and Lemon Balm "Try. Make mistakes! Try again. Perfection does not exist."

Good evening, pile 2. You're transforming into a time of life that's filled to the brim with creative passion. There is an overflow of fiery hot emotion in this group, see how the volcano plumes from the lion's head. You may be getting a lot of ideas at this time for what to make next, some of you could be working on a project now but I'm also getting that many haven't started yet and only will when the grand idea comes through. There are two ways I'm interpreting these projects. They could be artistic or writing projects, but it could also refer to the creation process of forming and completing new goals. This group could benefit greatly from making vision boards, especially for what you want to see or do for next year. Interesting enough, this tarot deck has two additional cards and you got one of them, the Prism, which I interpret to mean "everything". This card sits below the Tear card with the Gemini symbol, so you may also benefit from using a notepad to write ideas down as you get them on the fly. I'm hearing that the ideas that make you feel the most will be the most potent when made physical, you are being asked to work closely with your emotions as a creative compass.

Your cards are bright and hot, but must be tempered with cool confidence. You are stepping into a fresh role where you can imagine your visions easily coming to life. I don't have the Moonology deck in this reading but I'm reminded of the Leo card where it says "confidence is your key to success" because it's such a strong affirmation. Your task is to be your own cheerleader to keep the energy and momentum brimming alive. Cause that's the thing about fire: it will eventually burn out if it's not attended to. Cool casual confidence is a firewood coated in fat, it's what starts the fire and keeps it going long. Not every idea will be the great one, but it's important to put down anything that comes to mind. There will always be time, with the Justice card, for sorting and deciding what works and what doesn't later on. You know how you don't edit a story chapter by chapter, but only after the full draft is complete? This goes for anything you work on, even for future plans.

It doesn't seem like it now, but you are moving into a time where you will have the spark and the passion to move your vision forward. Making excited plans about what you will do or make next will put you in a better mindset for starting them. If you're looking at these cards thinking "passion? motivation? I've never felt so depleted, how could this be true?" then perhaps you're now in a space where sitting with your heavier feelings with grace and integrating them needs to be prioritized beforehand. Part of this transformation process into living in a more impassioned state requires small steps. Intuitive freewriting in a journal may help to break up darker feelings into something more manageable, or you may find another healthy creative outlet for dealing with difficult times currently. But if you've been convincing yourself that you can't create because you're in a bad mood, you may in the process of shifting around your perspective so that creating becomes a means to work through the bad mood. Beautiful, incredible things could come from embracing artistic skills from every facet and angle.

Pile 3: Yellow Butterfly - Spirited Yellow

10 of Wands, VII Chariot Rx; Self Love, Brilliant, Unicorn, Golden Topaz and Yellow Rose "Better to regret the things you've done than to regret the things you didn't do."

Good evening, pile 3. Goodness, do I want to give this group a big pat on the back for all you do! Whatever you've been working at over the months, you have been pushing hard! So much so that the end result doesn't even feel all that great anymore; you're just happy for it to be finished so you can take a break. This pile may have a lot of tired students who will be finishing out their semester in the next few weeks and you're excited for the brief moment of rest. You are very bright and intelligent as well as hard working and I feel your transformation involves acknowledging your talents and strengths. Maybe things didn't end the way you hoped for them to, like getting an A- instead of an A+, but you can still congratulate yourself for the effort you put in anyway, because to do so would congratulate you for who you are. And I get that this pile has had to deal with some major disappointments, but sometimes things just don't work out the way we intend them to. Sometimes the teacher just puts down a random grade because they're tired, maybe there isn't a good reason why. It's not worth belittling your own abilities.

Unicorns indicate something spectacular and magical. To see one before you is to see what cannot be easily believed. Next to the abundance card is a sign of great things to come. The Earth symbol in the Brilliant card reminds me of the Wheel of Fortune. At this time, things may feel "cursed" or futile, but a big spin of the wheel is due to come during your next evolution which may propel you to a different octave of luck. And it may not even be luck but rather the positive karma from the work you've done now. Trust that your good intentions and efforts will be reflected back to you when the stars align, but now is a time to pat yourself on the back and give yourself the recognition you need. The Morbid Mirror says "better to regret" but I wouldn't even say that. You don't need to spend any more time regretting the wrong choice on the quiz or that you answered a question awkwardly in a job interview. What's done is done and you don't need to beat yourself up for what didn't work out.

Forgive yourself for not meeting every goal perfectly, and forgive yourself if your energy to keep pushing is waning. This may be a time where you need to focus more on cheering yourself up and resting than trying to figure out what went wrong or how to make it right. Remind yourself of all the times where things have worked out before and affirm your own brilliance. Don't let the silence of today make you think that you don't deserve good things for what you give. Have faith your efforts will be met with great reward down the road. For now, your catalyst to transform involves making peace with yourself and creating opportunities to be happy. Enjoy the little things that raise your spirits up, and take pride in what you've accomplished so far no matter what.

Pile 4: Green Butterfly - Willow Hedge

6 of Swords, I Magician; Self Esteem, Sunflower, Swallow, Ethiopian Opal "The most damning lie you can tell is the lie you tell yourself."

Good evening, pile 4. Your next phase in life involving moving on from a rough chapter in your past. There could have been an event that scarred your sense of trust or elicited deep insecurities, like an audition but not getting the desired part, or a friend group wasn't what you thought it was. You'll be walking away from something that was toxic, whether it be a situation, group, person, or even from something within you like a limiting mindset that has tried corrode your self esteem. The Willow tree is traditionally a tree representing sorrow and loss, so at this time you may feel despondent and unsure of how things will change. But a hedge represents a boundary line between the known and unknown. Please remind yourself that things are meant to change, that from this difficult time a more prosperous time can later come, even if it's not clear now. The Swallow is a sign of hope and optimism showing you that you are meant to shift away into a better time. Do not let yourself get stuck in believing that the way things are is the way things will always be, as that will close doors faster than the wind. The only door you're meant to close is to the past that left you feeling hurt and torn. Soon, upon leaving the chrysalis, you will be able to open the doors to greater change.

The Magician makes full use of the here and now, using whatever they have at their disposal to see their goals through. Just because you don't see fresh flowers blooming doesn't mean the earth isn't ripe for new possibilities. Many plants can be seeded in the autumn that will blossom and grow fresh food in the spring and summer. There is more you can do with what you have now than you think. With the emphasis of wings in this pile, I'm getting that you're at the peak of something. You've risen up and overcome something difficult for which you don't give yourself enough credit. Only a vast horizon filled with potential lies before you, which you can do with however you please. You're not meant to forever stay frozen at the peak, reflecting on the toxicity you left behind, but to glide back down and start anew.

The Sunflower always faces the direction of the sun. So should you turn your attention to what in life makes you feel most good about being alive and being you. This is how you can move on, by making space for what you wish to grow. The Opal card speaks of children and birthing something into being, so however low you feel about yourself now, remember that we are all flying in our own altitudes and that there's always room to expand on yourself as a person. If you feel beat up because you didn't make it onto a sports team, place energy on creating the next opportunity to play at the game. Talk to yourself truthfully and fairly as if your child self is hearing everything because your inner child is the part of you who will help guide you through your transformation. Harness your courage to take the next step forward as in your next chapter you will be in perfect alignment to achieve whatever you wish.

Pile 5: Blue Butterfly - Sea of Tranquility

XV Devil, IX Hermit; Learning, Mazarin Rx, Hawk, Pixie Helpers and Green Aventurine "Just being born, makes you worthy of being here. Let yourself just be."

Good evening, pile 5. Your next transformation is a smooth and steady pace of growth. You're entering into a phase of life where you can exist and embrace the fullness of your life for how it is now, at its best. It's strange to put it like this, but with the Mazarin card in reverse it's almost as though your growth path doesn't actually involving growing in the traditional sense. So during this season you may experience a sense of regression or going backwards, and this is to brush up on old sticky lessons that need to be cleared out. I feel this lesson has to do with the fixation on self-improvement. This pile may be the type to put a lot of time into ameliorating your life and relationships. You could even be thinking about your New Year's resolution when we haven't even yet entered December at the time of this reading, just because you wanna get ahead on your to-do list planned out for next year. However, I'm seeing that your transformation will involve some pulling back and withdrawing your energies to highlight overlooked aspects.

We live in a culture of constant doing, and it makes sense that this feeling ramps up during the end of the year. There could be real engagements that require attention due to real deadlines, but sometimes our brains make up deadlines just for feeling like it makes sense to do so. The Hawk is vigilant, always keeping a sharp eye on every task and detail. For some things, you may have a lot more time than you believe you do in working something out. It's okay to occasionally sleep on something and come back to it. The Hawk also speaks about self-sabotage. Could you be putting unneeded frustration on yourself when maintaining a flexible outlook might help you reach your goals sooner? It's like if you're trying to write a song but you're not sure how to finish it: it make take less time to just put it aside and come back to it instead of straining at the same verse for hours on end.

If, during this regression, you feel lost at what to do, perhaps taking time to meditate or center your mind may be the best course of action, instead of spinning wheels to figure out the next thing. Life is not a neverending to-do list where we're meant to go from one thing to the next right away. Your transformation forward requires compassion for not being where you want to be in the present, but finding space to breathe anyway. Be more discerning with how you use your time and remember that free time isn't wasted time. It's okay if you feel stuck in a certain position, but it'll be easier to rise from that when you let yourself be and avoiding pushing too hard. Within that tranquil state, great ideas and solutions can come. We don't always need to chase for the next great problem to tackle to feel like we're making proper use of the present. There is purpose in the peace and silence of doing nothing. You will transform into somebody who understands the value of resting your thinking mind when it's needed.

Pile 6: Purple Butterfly - Joie de vivre

XIV Temperance, King of Cups; Retreat, Heart, Tiger, Laboradorite and Blue Lotus Flower "Everything is energy and energy never dies; it just transforms."

Good evening, pile 6. This pile is for the intuitive people out there! There is a lot of psychic energy in this group. Your transformation is on an almost imperceptible level, too subtle for those who are not as spiritually inclined. This could involve some kind of moment of awakening or enlightenment, but it may not necessarily be a dramatic one. You are stepping into a more mature and balanced disposition, not the kind of awakening where we suddenly get clued into to the basics of souls and spirit guides, but one that involves a shift on how you view the world as a whole. Joie de vivre means "joy of living" in French, and it refers to having a cheerful and optimistic outlook on life. You may have been working on the heavier aspects of spirituality, like doing shadow work, getting used to the idea that it's how all spirituality functions. But I'm getting a brighter view of seeing things here, realizing that nothing stays the same so that the good can come along with the bad. You'll be shifting into a spirituality that satisfies you with a sense of hope, love, joy, and community.

The Tiger represents opulence, so you may receive an abundance of psychic energy and information during your shift. This could come as automatic intuitive knowing (clairsentience), or through vivid meaningful dreams that provide deeper revelations about people and self. The Temperance card shows that this revelation is not one of fireworks but of a more intrinsic lasting sense of contentment. These are downloads meant to help you see that while spirituality isn't all sunshine and rainbows, it's also not all doom and gloom either. You may be retreating from doing the big bold kind of karmic work over this transformation period, which is okay as there is always a time for doing and not doing, and I really feel with your maturity that you've already done a lot. Now it's time to pull back from the shadow work so to find balance in between the lessons.

The secret to this transformation is non-attachment. Let the events and moments in your day come as they may. You will soon get the sense in your spirit that there is a constant inner joy that doesn't respond to external circumstances even if they're intrusive or annoying. With the unconditional compassion of Pisces, you find that bad situations that come up do not tend to last long when your heart is directing itself towards what you feel love and gratitude for, you won't be able to as easily dwell on the worst parts of the day over the best. And with less dwelling on negative parts of the past means less need to heal those parts. If something falls away, another thing will come to fill the gap. Your regenerative abilities are potent for this next phase of your life. I'm talking like this unshakeable faith in the best outcomes while feeling fine with things even when the outcome is far from ideal. This transformation is a form of wisdom that heals and will continue to heal as you gracefully move forward. Some may mention that you have an aura glow around you, which is your transformation at work.

This reading has not been evaluated by the FDA to diagnose, prevent, treat, or cure any disease or infection. Please ask your physician before going online.

2024, @VitaminseeTarot ™

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genderkoolaid · 1 year ago

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Rocco Kayiatos started to realize that he was trans as a teenager. It was 1999 or early 2000, he says, and Google didn’t really exist: “I remember searching on Ask Jeeves for literally anything related to trans men.” He was living in San Francisco, and was part of the queer poetry scene, having toured with Sister Spit; he was able to meet trans people that way, and the poet Max Wolf Valerio became a friend. Still, Kayiatos says, he struggled to put himself together: “The reaction that I got was really rough,” he recalls. “I felt like I couldn’t really be a man, one, because of insecurity around my own transness, but then two, because culturally, I got so much pushback from people that I loved about how shitty men were and why would I ‘want,’ quote unquote, to be a man.” The trans men he read often seemed to be guilty or defensive: “I never read a book by a trans guy about their experience that wasn’t somehow written in a way that’s like, almost an apology for being a man.” Then he read Green’s memoir. “It’s just the most profoundly gentle and loving and compassionate offering to healing masculinity, that’s so timeless,” Kayiatos says. “It’s still relevant and advanced in the present day … for me, when people are listing the must-reads about transmasculine people, places or things, if they don’t start with James’s book, I just think, ‘You missed it.’ Because his book is the starting point.”

— How Jamison Green’s visibility paved the way for a generation of trans men by Jude Ellison S. Doyle (emphasis mine)

#m.#quotes #transandrophobia #transmisandry #anti transmasculinity #transunity #transmasc history #transmasc media

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jasper-book-stash · 3 months ago

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Things that irritated me about Werewolf Magick: Authentic Practical Lycanthropy by Denny Sargent:

I naturally deduct a point for "magic-with-a-K", how dare you make me spell "magickian"

I am deducting another point for the repeated usage of "shaman" for cultures that very pointedly are not Tungusic like the word "shaman" is

I would have loved to see some citations about all of these werewolf cults being "well accepted"

it was weird to drag genetics into it with "84% shared DNA between humans and wolves"

the Wiccan-aligned Triple Goddess stuff really reared its head on pages 36 and 37 and as someone who is not Wiccan my eye twitched

I feel like the author over-romanticizes a version of the "wild past" that may or may not have actually existed

the left brain-right brain stuff that gets brought up in the symbol section is based on outdated science

the usage of "third eye" while talking about the werewolf eye symbol in that same section also made my eye twitch (though the author is initiated into a whole slew of practices spanning what might be the entire goddamn Northern Hemisphere)

Things I liked about the book:

the author outlined very clearly who the book was meant for and how to use it (linearly)

there are safety and health disclaimers from the get-go that are reiterated in their respective areas

the bibliography is FUCKING HUGE compared to the average witchcraft text

there are in-text citations all over the damn place

the author reminds us that physically transforming into a wolf isn't possible (but you might grow more body hair according to him)

the author reminds us to be physically safe and not get arrested

there's a strong pro-diversity and pro-furry but anti-Nazi stance in the text

the in-book glossary is very helpful (even though it's in the text rather than being an appendix, I fixed this by using a post-it note to mark it)

the author has a firm stance of being respectful of animal remains while working with them in one's practice (not just wolf remains, but all remains) and offers alternatives to wolf remains for those of us who are worried about endangered wolves

there are a bunch of examples for substitutes of things that are still thematically appropriate with the emphasis to trust your Animalself

there's a full breakdown of the author's tools and their uses along with how they should be made or obtained

there are lots of exercises and rituals as you go which are thorough but easy to follow

the author clearly outlines the expectations and possibilities of this paradigm

the author actually believes in evolution (thank the gods)

the author explains where some rituals are based on and the context needed behind them

the author re-reviews necessary information mentioned beforehand before building on it in dedicated areas

Even though that many "Jasper is redacting a point" parts would usually warrant a 7 or 8 out of 10... My final verdict is that Werewolf Magick is a 9/10 book despite the parts where I want to elbow-drop the author in the Werewolf Arena, but you have to be part of a very particular niche to enjoy this book. Honestly wanting to fight the author is part of the appeal of this book.

#jasper post #books #bookblr #authors #review #denny sargent #werewolf magick #werewolf magick: authentic practical lycanthropy

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protemporescitor · 2 months ago

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"Um Ackchyually…"

Rant incoming. Gird your loins.

It's like every time Cloud does anything even remotely cool-looking, someone in the fandom will invariably go "um achshyelly he can't be doing kewl stuff because you see he's actually a massive dweeb and…"

Every goddamn time, like clockwork. I swear, it's become a kind of mass neurosis for the fandom at this point.

I'm sorry, but "Oh he's just some try-hard dweeb" is such a paltry reading of this character, one that only furthers my belief that this fandom is mentally unequipped to parse any real kind of psychological complexity.

Yes, he can be unsubtle, envious, socially awkward, even dorky at times. That's part of the character's appeal. His extremely human frailties in that regard are what make him such an endearing and interesting (dare I say relatable?) character. He's also the man who ended the world's greatest soldier, so what does that say about his critics, the fans who believe he's just some feckless dork while ignoring that side of him entirely?

Now, lest you think I'm just headcanoning the character this way and talking nonsense, here's a quote from Yoshinori Kitase himself: "He isn't a straightforward hero like Superman; rather, he has lots of mysteries, self-doubts, and a real dark side."

What truly grinds my gears is the smug, gratingly knowing insinuation that portraying Cloud as a badass is somehow "wrong", or naïve characterization at best. and that only works which portray him some other way (awkward, goofy, insecure, etc…) are showing you the "real" character. And that, to me, is just nonsense.

Here's another example:

Same character, two different aesthetics, with different traits being emphasized. Both depictions are considered canon.

So the real question is, why does it have to be one or the other? Why is it so hard for people to reconcile the two?

I sometimes think we're in need of two separate fandoms, one for fans who want to Cloud continue to grow and develop as a character (like me), and the fans who just want him to remain the same awkward, insecure boy forever, i.e. people who prefer cartoon FFVII, and those who care about mythology and prefer to look at the story as a kind of bildungsroman. In any case, there's a reason why I keep underlining the darker, more feral side of this character, even to the point of over-emphasis, because it's at risk of falling prey to a fandom pseudo-narrative that simply rings hollow. Remember, his proper animal motif is that of a wolf, and that "cloud", as a verb, means "to darken, to obscure".

(Not just any wolf, by the way. The wolf.)

Lastly, I get the distinct feeling that we don't mean the same thing by "cool". Presumably, by "cool", some of you mean "cold and uncaring", which he is not. (Or possibly suave, depending on your definition.) The other is more a question of aesthetic cool on the one hand and valour on the other, both of which he possesses in spades. Cloud keeps taking on fights he shouldn't win, and yet often comes out on top, anyway, usually while pulling one insanely cool-looking stunt or another (e.g. the Shinra building escape, or putting a stop to Sephiroth's plans even without SOLDIER enhancements.)

It doesn't matter how much dorky nonsense the world tries to put him through; he'll always remain effortlessly cool in that regard.

While I've got your attention, I want to bring up one more thing related to mischaracterization (or rather, misperception): Aerith's temperament in Advent Children, specifically the idea that she's lost her original characterization and is just being depicted as some simplistic, incorruptible pure pureness (tm) messiah figure. Again, I don't think that's right. (It might be true for Kingdom Hearts, but tbh I never cared much for that series, so I'll refrain from further comment.) It's a long-running bit of accepted wisdom which, as far as I can tell, has no basis in reality.

The truth is, Advent Children's brief running time means there isn't a whole lot of opportunity for Square to focus on character building, but I contend that both Cloud and Aerith's original characterization is intact, just handled in a more subtle way. Note her comportment in scenes like the one above. She still evinces the same kind of playfulness as she did when she was among the living. For example, when Cloud tells her that he wants to be forgiven, her reaction is to ask "By whom?" in her usual, cheeky manner. She's still subtly poking fun at Cloud's tendency to take himself too seriously, while hinting at the fact that she doesn't blame him for her death. Or later, when she tells Zack "I don't want a kid that big!" She's still very much cracking wise, even in the Lifestream.

If she comes across as more ethereal than she did in the original story, well, that's because she is. Given that she's now in the afterlife, being that scrappy, streetwise flower girl from the slums is obviously less of a concern for her, at least as far as actual, physical scraps are concerned. But it's clear that her original personality is very much intact.

The same is true of Cloud and fans who grouse that he's being "emo"* in Advent Children, which is equally false. (*Lord help me but I detest that word. Being emo is when you're moping about listening to MCR after your girlfriend broke up with you, not dealing with the shattered pieces of your life and mourning the deaths of two of your closest friends. To call that "emo" is insulting to the character and narrative alike. In fact, it's an insult to language itself. If you care about good writing at all, I implore you to let this dreary, monosyllabic pustule of a word wither away and die in favour of more literate, meaningful descriptors.) He might be far more world-weary and disillusioned at this stage, but he still show various shades of mood (gentle, furious, defiant, haughty, protective, uncertain, disdainful, imperious, even cocky, much like OG FFVII):

Lastly, griping about this also denies character development and growth commensurate with where both of them are at this point in the story. During the events of the original FFVII, Cloud is still boyish and uncertain much of the time, whereas by the time Advent Children rolls around, he is older and tempered by experience. The same goes for Aerith. Same essential character, just acting according to her newfound circumstances.

I think that's it for now. I leave this rant here in the vain hope that somebody has something more interesting to say than "lawl emo chocobo-head boi!!!" for the millionth time.

I won't hold my breath, but it would be nice to be proven wrong for a change.

#final fantasy vii #ffvii #final fantasy vii rebirth #final fantasy vii remake #ff7 remake #rant #square enix #advent children #cloud strife #aerith gainsborough #clerith #wolf of nibelheim #the different meanings of the word “cool”#containing multitudes since 1997 #I predict that the post immediately following this one will be more of the same #but I've said my piece so I'm content... for now

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