#emotionally it's a mess

[barghest-land]

another night of wondering how people see my art and what it truly means to them. do they see it as just some "pretty aesthetic pictures" or it has some kind of meaning to them? do they remember this when they close the browser and turn off the computer, or it exists only when they're looking at the post? does it cause any emotions, or do people admire only technique and skills? the level of skills doesn't matter much to me, by the way. it's always something else that is there. something that makes me stay, follow someone, and think about their art when i go to sleep or when i look at something and it reminds me of them. of how they think, how they chose colors and lines to tell something through it. and often i'm afraid that i don't have that. i wan't chasing after being better technically and having higher skills, but it happens anyway, i'm forced to constantly jump over my head bc of my job. and on the one hand i'm grateful for that, on another - that's where i'm losing a part of the soul, i think, if i can phrase it that way. creating art has always been a way to communicate since i'm bad with words, and now i feel like i'm slowly losing the only way to speak. it feels like i speak a language no one else knows and it's terrifying. or i'm just being completely delusional and i shouldn't think about things when it's 5am

[blacktabbygames]

slay the princess deep lore protagonist reveal.

[bigmoon-is-bigwife]

I was thinking about why people hate C!Scott in the life series so much compared to other characters and I think it's because of how he portrays himself in his POV. He almost never displays weakness to anyone, including his own viewers. When things are going bad you'll see most life series POVs start to panic and they'll tell you that they're scared and worried but Scott rarely does that. He may say after the fact he was concerned about a situation but you never really see him properly scared the way you see others.

He doesn't really vocalize his fear because of the facade he puts up. Admitting you are scared and don't have control over a situation is basically like losing. That's something that could be exploited and Scott is nothing if not calculating. (I think you could also argue there's more going on there like self loathing and holding himself to a higher standard)

However, when you see a character afraid or struggling, it humanizes them to you. It makes you feel bad for them and makes you sympathize with them. It makes you want to root for them. When you have a character like Scott who refuses to ever let that fear show it's easy to forget they have feelings. It's easier to demonize a character who rarely shows you their vulnerable side.

I think you could also make a parallel here with Joel who is very similar in the camp of "If I Admit I Have Emotions I Will Die" but Joel is much more volatile and outspoken that his emotions still bleed through. Joel will deny that he's afraid and try to cover it up with threats of violence and false bravado but you can still see the cracks in the facade. That's what makes him endearing. Meanwhile, Scott has a much more practiced cold and calculating demeanor. It's much more subtle and easy to miss. They're both attempting the same thing in the end: Trying to convince you that they're perfectly fine and in control even when they're very clearly not. Scott is just more successful at it and sometimes he even manages to convince himself of it too.

[lovesickeros]

☆ even the gods bleed [ pt 2 ]

{☆} characters furina, neuvillette {☆} notes cult au, imposter au, multi-chapter, gender neutral reader {☆} warnings none {☆} word count 1.9k {☆} previous [ 1 ]

This had to be a punishment of some sort – some kind of divine punishment.

She was bored out of her mind just watching the sleeping body – she hadn't blinked once in the past five hours, her eyes were really starting to hurt. Yet they still hadn't moved so much as an inch since she sequestered them away to the only place she had known to be safe.

But it'd been almost a week since then.

The only solace she found was that Teyvat had seemed much less hellbent on collapsing in on itself like a dying star.

That counted for something.

Not much, but something!

..Even if their position was no better then it was a week ago.

There was, after all, still the issue of what to do about the false Creator – the actual imposter – and the Archons following them like blind lambs. The other Archons wouldn't listen if she tried to reason with them, and it would only risk the life of Divine One if she spoke of their location to anyone else.

She also was pretty fond of having her head still attached to her shoulders.

So she avoided them all together. Partially because she wasn't sure she wouldn't have a breakdown at the sight of them..she'd never been a fighter, and fighting an Archon? Easy pass.

Instead she was forced to babysit the sleeping Divine until they woke up while Neuvillette handled taking care of the nation and dealing with the other Archons – and by extension the false Creator.

Really though, she would almost think them dead if not for the subtle rise and fall of their chest.

Though..this also left her with a lot of time to herself. A lot of time to think.

She really didn't like it.

There wasn't a lot to occupy her mind and what little there was only distracted her for a scant few moments before her eyes drifted back to the Divine like she was locked in their orbit, unable to escape.

She closed the same book for the twelfth time – she kept count – and returned it to it's meticulously designed place within her bookcase. A low, barely audible huff of frustration escaped her lips before she could bite it down, her stare boring a hole into the body of the Divine One with a sharp intensity she rarely showed.

She was tired, bored and constantly on edge, fearing that at any moment someone would find out about their presence here.

That, at the drop of a hat, she would be powerless to stop the greatest tragedy of her time play out before her eyes.

Neuvillette would have scolded her for being so petulant, especially around the Divine One, if he were here.

But he wasn't.

He was out running her nation, instead.

And what was she doing? Nothing!

She grit her teeth, nails digging harshly into the palm of her hands as she took a deep breath – now was not the time to think about that. She had..much more pressing matters. Sulking and letting her thoughts spiral helped no one, least of all herself.

Yet her attention was caught by a harsh inhale, the rustle of fabric – were they finally waking up? She was exhausted, but it all vanished at the sudden drop of life within the otherwise deathly still body of the Divine.

Her eyes followed the subtle twitch of their fingers, watching as their brow furrowed and their features twisted in something almost like..pain.

..She wasn't ready.

What was she supposed to say?

Should she even say anything? Would that be considered impolite? Does she wait for them to speak first? Should she kneel? Bow?

She doesn't get much time to find her own answer before their lashes flutter, chest heaving with every strangled breath. Every single thought vanishes from her mind the moment she meets their eyes.

For a long, silent moment she thinks that her heart must have stopped.

Their eyes glow like the cresting of the sun over the horizon, painting the world in hues of gold – yet it also reminded her of the dipping of the moon below the waves, casting the briefest, most gentle of lights upon the world engulfed in darkness. In the depths of their eyes was the birth and death of stars in the infinite cosmos – glittering stars in a sea of empty, blank space that left her feeling lightheaded and breathless.

Beneath the splendor is a spark of recognition in their eyes so vibrant it was like a shooting star piercing through the dark night sky, leaving nothing but the wonder in the eyes of the observer as the only proof it ever existed – brilliant in it's beauty, however brief.

It is the most beautiful thing she has ever seen.

"Focalors?"

The lilt of their voice nearly made her knees buckle beneath her – euphoria so consuming it left her feeling she was starving swallowed her whole, her mind blanking in a moment of utter bliss. It was..an indescribable feeling that she doubted she could ever hope to put into words – not in a way that could properly express it, try as she might.

She swallowed the words that threatened to spill from her lips – she couldn't make a fool of herself. Not in front of them of all people. She'd never forgive herself.

"Divine One," She rasps, clearing her throat and covering her mouth with a hand to mask both her nervousness and the small smile that creeps across her face. She quickly regains her composure, hand resting on her hip as she puffs out her chest with every bit of pride she can manage. "I am sure you must be confused, but worry not– your most loyal acolyte has seen the truth!"

The silence is deafening.

She opens one eye, peaking at the bewildered and almost distraught expression of the Divine.

"What the hell are you talking about?"

That..she was not prepared for. Surely they knew who they were! Surely they knew. They had to– she's been praying to them for as long as she's breathed, she's dedicated every hour of her life to living up to their ideals, they can't just–!

"Lady Furina?"

Neuvillette, thankfully, spares her the embarrassment of having a meltdown in front of the Divine, the gentle rap of his knuckles against the door making her and the Divine pause, the soft lull of his voice soothing her nerves and yet setting her on edge at the same time.

"Neuvillette." She clears her throat again, her steps hurried as she marches to the door and pries it open none too gently, a forced smile pulling at her lips. She wastes no time tugging the man into the room, shutting the door behind him with a short huff. The silence is, somehow, even worse then before as the three of them stare at each other in absolute exasperation.

Neuvillette, for his part, manages to get his act together with a sharp clearing of his throat, bowing so low even she looks unnerved. She steals a brief glance at the Divine, and she's taken aback by the uncomfortability twisting their features into a grimace.

Their expression is schooled back into one of empty apathy when he stands back to his full height, but she saw it – she knows she did! Did they not like their worship? Were they not respectful enough? For a moment, she feared the Divine would smite Neuvillette down on the spot..but they just stared at him like he was a ghost.

"Why aren't you killing me?"

The defeated, resigned tone combined with the way their voice cracks makes her heart ache in her chest – it feels as though her entire world is crumbling down at her feet, and she cannot explain why she feels such emotions so strongly, but it is suffocating. It is almost as if Teyvat itself is weeping, bearing down upon her shoulders like a heavy weight.

She feels the urge to weep herself, but she powers through, gritting her teeth long enough for Neuvillette to take his place at the side of her – though it feels more like their – bed, kneeling like he was going to pray.

"Divine One," He offers a hand with a quiet rumble of his voice, the words slipping off his tongue like honey. It's like trying to soothe a stray cat..though she'd never voice such comparisons of the most Divine out loud. "I..we mean you no harm. I swear on my authority as the Iudex of Fontaine and Chief Justice that you are safe with us."

The skepticism she expected, but the reverence in which Neuvillette must convince them – or perhaps they are simply so tired that they simply did not care any longer if it was all some ploy to drive a knife between their ribs. She didn't expect them to actually place their hand in Neuvillette's.

He didn't either, judging by the way he visibly brightened – not that they'd notice, but she did.

..Not that she could really blame him, her heels clicking against the floorboards as she shifted her weight to the other foot with a nervous energy that was practically bursting at the seams, more then a little jealous of the attention he was receiving. She was the one who found them, she was the one who stayed with them the entire time..but he gets all the attention?

How unfair.

"O-of course! We would never lay a hand on our creator," She adds, her voice a little higher pitched then she would have liked as she placed her hands on her hips, puffing out her chest and brushing off the sting of jealousy. "Least of all I– your most loyal, most devout acolyte!"

She felt baffled when she heard the sound of their laughter, her shoulders hunching and her cheeks flushing on mere instinct – she was expecting mockery, but the look in their eyes, still dulled by a pain she cannot even begin to imagine, made her hesitate.

..It was, perhaps, the most genuine thing she'd heard from them ever since before the hunt began.

She wasn't sure why her heart hurt at such an idea, but it was enthralling to see the beginnings of a half hearted smile on their lips.

For a moment, her mask of theatrics was forgotten as she stared at them in a mixture of awe and adoration– and though she didn't look at Neuvillette, she could imagine he must've shared such an expression.

Had she any doubts that they were her Creator, that they alone were the most Divine..they would wiped clean now. There was no mistaking the way the world itself seemed to grow clearer as they glanced up at her like she was worth something.

For a moment, she realized how cold the false Creators gaze had been now that she has felt warmth so gentle it almost made her knees buckle beneath her. It felt like a pale imitation, now.

Nothing could compare to the warmth that spread through her body at the mere semblance of a smile upon their lips. She didn't even mind if it was her they were laughing at anymore, she just wanted to hear them laugh again.

She'd make a fool of herself, if she had to.

She'd never felt so..ravenous for such a thing, but just the briefest glimpse was addictive.

She simply couldn't help herself from striding across the room and clasping their free hand in her own, her smile wide enough to unnerve as she leaned her weight onto the bed. For a moment, she considered pulling away at the way they startled, but her mind was made up by then – there was no going back.

"Again."

[dykedvonte]

Curly not immediately punishing Jimmy for assaulting Anya is something I don’t think a lot of people are viewing in the complex context for Curly as the superior to both of them and closest confidante they had.

Like I am in no way saying he didn’t under react or fail Anya by not being harsh or direct with Jimmy but it really is the case that he really couldn’t. Imagine being stuck in such a confined space with very little areas to genuinely hold someone if they commit a crime. It’s not like this was an event that occurred before they departed or that they have easy communication with The Pony Express to ask for how to proceed when something like this arises. Not to mention, Jimmy’s relative power in relation to Anya as the co-pilot and second in command, he has the knowledge and access to do something to her had Curly directly punished him in this setting.

They were also Curly’s friends. It’s not just the case of him mediating something between his subordinates but people he is personally invested in don’t want to see spiral further in Anya’s case while also not wanting believe his friend go that bad in Jimmy’s actions. They were both suicidal and Curly putting Jimmy’s stability first is both out of bias but also the fact he’s aware at some level Jimmy is a danger to himself and others if not constantly placated. Combined with the fact he was in denial or just not piecing together what Anya said it’s hard to say what he buying time for and what he had treat as urgent. This isn’t even saying he doesn’t care about Anya but he’s not going jump to the worst conclusions about his friends even if part of him acknowledges the evidence saying so. It’s a complicated thing but he’s still human and needed to process it on top of trying to keep a ship that already took on a lot of water from further sinking, metaphorically.

I just personally think that while Curly failed Anya, it was a scenario where there wasn’t much he could do to the best thing by her safely and like Jimmy, we are underestimating what a good leader would do in a very fragile and tense situation like he was in. By the time he may have been ready and had a plan, things were much too late.

[guppygiggles]

Trying to decide if I want Avery as a medical doctor or a university professor in my Sea and Sky AU… I’m honestly leaning teacher, but, um. Both have their. Charms. ////

[the-sage-libriomancer]

personally i love the "Jason is the emotional member of the Batfamily" interpretation of the character. He's angry. He's exuberant. His love for his family ballooned so much that it ruptured when he died and swelled into a swollen, unbearable weight when he came back. When he feels his emotions he really feels them - they're so unfathomably big that his body can't contain them.

Bruce never lets himself feel things, Dick knows how to regulate himself to a point, but Jason puts emotions first. He loves fiercely and hates explosively, gets angry and then cools off, lets fear swell & blister until it physically hurts him. And sure, he can't help poking wounds just to make people look at him, but if there's some bullshit happening, he'll be the first to stand up and make a scene. Maybe it won't be the most tactical thing to do, maybe it'll even be detrimental to the goal, but the iron is too hot to temper and sometimes that's a good thing.

Like, i know Jason can be a real punk at times, and i'm not trying to say he's a good role model by any means, but i think it's interesting and even valuable to have a character who puts their emotions first - someone who takes action far more freely and doesn't check themselves like the other characters, who is (for better or for worse) a very passionate person and not afraid of it. I think it's a great to have a character who can't (and ultimately shouldn't) follow the Bats' policies that are just variations of "bottle everything up for the sake of the mission", because they just feel everything so damn much and it's okay because that's just who they are. And i think it works best both narratively and thematically if that character is Jason.

[anomura]

never not thinking about the buckies in flight school like what do you mean buck help me tie my shoes buck help me fly this plane. john was probably sooo insufferable i would kill to see them becoming friends and falling in love.

[the-labyrinth-of-me]

Wait did both Alice and Zane record Alan when he was at his lowest point? Didn't Alice make her exhibition to show the world what she sees? To show Alan the truth about himself? That it never was Scratch visiting and terrorizing her, but Alan himself? Did she depict his "self" and Zane depicted his "persona"? The two sides of him that he wishes he can eliminate bc they brought him into trouble (Scratch representing anger and the fallouts with paparazzi and stuff, Zane representing his self-destructive behavior with alcohol and drugs and the party nights)? The both sides that caused his marriage to start falling apart? Was that the reason Zane made that video of Alan when they were on that booze and drug-fueled bender while working on the Return manuscript? Is this party video the companion piece?? Alan's downward spiral, same as Alice's photos? Do they fucking work together aasdffjfjfkfk

[liquidcatt]

You: It would have been better if we’d never met. None of this would have happened.

Him: Hey, y/n look at me. I’d rather die tomorrow than live a hundred years without knowing you.

[dollypopup]

This fandom gets more bent out of shape and upset about that entrapment line than Penelope herself does

one day peeps who get soooo mad at Colin for very easily understandable statements will finally just admit that they don't like him instead of twisting into pretzels to justify why they're so angry at him. y'all don't like him, but Penelope does. she loves him and tries to understand him, she was upset that she hurt him and she extended empathy to him in light of such, which is why her only response to it is 'I didn't mean to trap you, Colin, I love you', and YOUR response is to write fic after fic foaming at the mouth blowing a singular statement out of proportion and using a meangirl Fanon Penelope as a mouthpiece for your own bitterness

Penelope Bridgerton loves Colin. And knows she's hurt him and wants to heal that hurt. She wouldn't vibe with a fanbase who demonizes him the way we have

[farshootergotme]

When Bruce is trying to be a good parent but he keeps messing up but he loves his children so much but he doesn't know how to show it but they understand even if he doesn't show it but they also don't know if they really have a place in the family but he tries to make them come back because they will always be his family but-

[blood-starved-beast]

But seriously, your posts actually made me realize that oh, the reason Nem reads as so rude (aside from the fact that the overwhelming majority of the ways she chooses to word her grievances ARE, objectively, very hurtful and rude) is that she's the only one actively acknowledging that hey, this is??? kinda fucked up actually? Why is Mel the one expected to do what is, by any currently understood metric, an impossible task with no assistance beyond Thoughts and Prayers from Olympians and a "go get 'em, tiger" from the assorted parental figures in camp? Most of whom then tell her that actually no, I'm not your real parent, your real parents are in time prison and I only took care of you so that you're strong enough to break them out of time prison one day.

Nemesis is the only one pointing at Mel like "you ruined a perfectly good goddess is what you did, Hecate. Look at it! It's got anxiety and imposter syndrome!"

Nemesis isn't the only one to show this concern! The only other person actively trying to do something about Melinoe's maladaptive and self-destructive behaviors is...Eris. Eris who is trying to loosen Mel up in the only way she knows how - doing the House of Hades tradition of trying to bond with someone by fighting to the Death. Unfortunately, Eris is so smarmy in the way she explains that it also comes off as insincere. The sisters are actually quite similar in this respect. It's also giving very strong "Nyx fires Dusa to force her to not overwork herself to the bone". Which is, likely where they both inherited that perspective from actually. Like Nem, Eris is like "why do you care about these people?" even.

I do think Hecate does care about Melinoe genuinely. But as I've hypothesized before, I think Titans being another step removed from humans cannot rationalize emotions and connections the same way gods or even mortals can. That's a thing that's discussed even in one of the nectar convos with Hecate. She mentions not understanding mortal the gods gestures and customs like this, though is quick to assure Melinoe that she appreciates it nonetheless. Interestingly, Nemesis mentions in her fishing(?) convo and another how she understands the mortal concept of justice, evil, etc. and those things is something setting her apart from her family. Which I think is part of the conflict between her and Hecate.

Odysseus is so interesting to me. He's an uncle/brother figure (per what Mel tells him) and he clearly cares but you can feel the sense that he keeps his distance. And that's his baggage with goddesses speaking there I think. He's a mortal interacting with gods and gods have their own perspectives on things and they have the power to Hurt You if things line up wrong. Which is part of some of the themes of this game of mortals vs gods vs titans.

Anyways you are correct and I'm just elaborating more here.

[mswyrr]

[taddymason]

It's weird to think that with Jordana being a teenager in the middle of a revenge journey and Cinder being an adult who is at most 20 years old who likes to beat up kids, that leaves Jay as the second oldest (probably the less... immature if you compare him to the other two) in the Wolf Clan after the 60-year-old tiger.

[tsuki-in-faerun]

'evan kelmp takes off his shoes before he goes inside' 😂