#but I really struggle more than I let on sometimes

[cupidkenji]

could u feed us with some nam-gyu headcanons... :3

I absolutely can, anon. I would love to 🫡

I made this about namgyu from my last post but it can definitely be read as a standalone

miscellaneous things about SD!namgyu from when you were still together (afab reader)

bf!namgyu who, as cliche as it may be, absolutely says something like “don’t run from me, honey” when you start squirming or pushing at his chest to get a break. Shushing you with a quiet “you can take it”

bf!namgyu who is constantly messing with the hem of your clothes. It’s not even a sexual thing necessarily, he just likes the way the thread feels. If you’re lying down, he’ll hold the neckline of your shirt and rub the fabric between his fingertips. Sometimes, he’ll slip underneath your shirt and go for the waistline of your pants, folding it down slightly and caressing the stitching. It’s just relaxing for him.

bf!namgyu who forces eye contact no matter the situation. Sometimes you find even causal conversations nerve racking because of how intently he focuses on you. There’s nothing he loves more than holding your chin and making you look at him when he pushes in, watching the dilation of your pupils or the way they water slightly. Will mumble “no, look at me, c’mon” if you close your eyes and won’t let you cum if you don’t open them.

bf!namgyu who gets so hard when you’re angry. Either at him or something else, the way you look when you’re mad is one of his biggest propellants. He goes fucking feral for it and it makes him desperate to fuck it out of you.

bf!namgyu who, similar to anger, loves to see you cry. Not so much to the point of being purposefully cruel just to draw it out, but when it happens he is thrilled about it. He likes to edge you because of this, deny you so much that tears are about to spill over and your lips are quivering. He’ll taunt you about it too, chuckling and uttering “you gonna cry, honey?” Apologizing when he still doesn’t let you cum and telling you that he just can’t help it, your eyes are so pretty when you cry.

bf!namgyu who gets harsher when he’s high. His hips hit yours harder as he gets as deep as he can. Still slow and methodical as he always is, but noticeably hostile. His words border on insulting in those times, a dizzying combination of ownership and degradation, all while droning on about how perfect you are. “You like it when i’m mean, huh?” He talks all condescending and quiet. “Dumb baby. Look how wet you are.”

bf!namgyu who definitely likes holding you down. Doesn’t really matter how. He’ll hold your arms or legs down a lot especially when overstimulating you. He likes the feeling even more if you’re struggling against it. He definitely thinks about asking you to be a full rope bunny. He just thinks you’d look so pretty in rope. One of the things he jerks off to the most.

[sczne]

girl are you taking requests cause that last fic HOLYYYYY

ate so hard

if you are can i request semi x gf reader fluff&smut alphabet? (in a normal au, not squid games)

➤ nsfw alphabet.

implied: nsfw pairing: se-mi / player 380 x fem!reader word count: 1.3k note: heeeyyyy, yeah i'm taking reqss mainly for our girlies. alsoo here it iss, i'm not sure if this is exactly what u asked for, but i hope u enjoy it regardless<3 (i spent a whole day brainstorming, and i also did not proof read)

A = Aftercare (what they’re like after sex)

she’s extremely caring when it comes to aftercare with you, a stark contrast too. she’ll usually bring you a bottle of water, maybe a snack and a lot of cuddles, 一 i’ll say that she sometimes wants to continue, but if you don’t, she won’t push it but if she doesn’t want to, you won’t push her either. maybe shower sex if you’re still in the mood and if you just wanna wash up, she’s okay with that too.

usually se-mi lets you have all the water to yourself but you frown at her way of thinking so the times she brings you a bottle of water and when you finish your turn of drinking, you press the sealing surface against her lips. this action causes her to turn her head towards you, looking away from the tv looking for a movie for the two of you, raising her eyebrow with a small smile “what’s wrong, baby?” furrowing your eyebrows you try pressing further emphasizing for her to drink the water 一 “drink.” 

B = Body part (their favorite body part of theirs and also their partner’s)

boobs. but you already knew that. and it’s too obvious, she’ll steal a glance at any given opportunity, but aside from that, she loves laying on top of your chest just to listen to your heartbeat and probably your collarbones or inner thighs, she’s a sucker for those places, leaving marks whether you let her or not (but if u really say no, she won’t leave any) and only because she just really likes watching you struggle trying to cover them up and usually teases you about it.

on se-mi, it’s definitely her hands, she loves the way your eyes follow every movement, from fingers to the palm 一 her hand in general just staring with your mouth agape as she traces the lip piercing with her index finger, teases you about it too she uses the same hand to point at her eyes, snapping you out of your trance realizing you’ve been caught, “eyes up here, baby, you’re not even gonna be discreet about it?” she teases.

and obviously because of how your body reacts when the cold rings come in contact with your warm skin, especially when they’re sliding up to your inner thigh or a simple slide of her hand down your side when her hand is underneath the fabric of your shirt and you usually grip her wrist to stop her from doing anything else because you’re in public or in the middle of something.

C = Cum (anything to do with cum, basically)

like i said, se-mi’s hands am i right hahaha,,,, 😻一 she enjoys the sight of seeing your juices covering her fingers, before locking eyes with you through half-lidded eyes, licking her own hand clean as she watches you cover your mouth with the back of your hand, still breathless, sucking in as much air as you could with your chest heaving.

D = Dirty secret (pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)

collars. (open for discussion) something in se-mi finds it arousing about you or herself in a collar with any of the two of you being in control of the chain, visualizing you harshly or gently tugging her towards you or between your legs has her swallowing hard.

E = Experience (how experienced are they? do they know what they’re doing?)

definitely experienced, a decent amount of experience, she’s more than willing to experience new and other things with you.

F = Favorite position (this goes without saying)

missionary. doggy. OR LITERALLY ANYTHING. as long as your legs are up on her shoulders. 😽

G = Goofy (are they more serious in the moment? are they humorous? etc.)

no, huge nono for her, she tends to cherish these moments of vulnerability with you.

H = Hair (how well groomed are they? does the carpet match the drapes? etc.)

i'd say she’s pretty well groomed.

I = Intimacy (how are they during the moment? the romantic aspect)

i like to think that se-mi gets this natural habit with you during these moments where she brings up your hand using her own hand while she’s hovering on top of you, kissing the palm of your hand, or letting the palm of your hand simply brush against the cool metal of her piercing along with the feel of her lips, maintaining eye contact with you with half-lidded eyes, with her breath fanning over your hand, murmuring a low “i love you.” 

J = Jack off (masturbation headcanon)

i think it depends, to se-mi i don’t think it’s necessary when she has you. 

K = Kink (one or more of their kinks)

she definitely has many, from degrading to praising, dirty talking, but i wanna assume temperature play, this idea mainly based off of how you react when her nose piercing nudges slightly at your inner thigh when she leaves marks and kisses, and let’s not forget when she eats you out.

L = Location (favorite places to do the do)

probably anywhere as long as you give her the green light, but she’s definitely more into the moment when it’s private.

M = Motivation (what turns them on, gets them going)

se-mi gets turned on by your reactions, your sounds get her going, but it definitely turns her on when you playfully or gently bite her lip piercing mid kiss.

N = No (something they wouldn’t do, turn offs)

anything that involves hurting you or that leads you to cry, these are also the reason why se-mi insists you have a safe-word.

O = Oral (preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc.)

yes, huge YES. i don’t have to explain this. she loves it, having your legs up on her shoulders, watching your reactions, her hand sliding down your side with the feel of her silver rings makes you shiver under her touch, her other hand tightens its hold on your upper thigh to hold you in place and idly tracing patterns on it.

P = Pace (are they fast and rough? slow and sensual? etc.)

depends on her mood, and yours of course.

Q = Quickie (their opinions on quickies, how often, etc.)

se-mi likes them more than she’d like to admit to you, a little often if you’re in a rush or a limited amount of time, they sometimes turn into an all nighter.

R = Risk (are they game to experiment? do they take risks? etc.)

you don’t risk, you don’t win, she doesn’t care, not a single flying fuck, unless you really say no, she’ll behave.

S = Stamina (how many rounds can they go for? how long do they last?)

she’ll give into as many as you want, but she’d be dead beat after all of it and definitely suggests breaks. 

T = Toys (do they own toys? do they use them? on a partner or themselves?)

strap. and definitely others like vibrators and cuffs (maybe. does a blindfold count?)

she’d mainly use them on you, but if you insist she’ll oblige.

U = Unfair (how much they like to tease)

depends on her mood, very unfair most of the time though, teasing is like breathing for her.

V = Volume (how loud they are, what sounds they make, etc.)

pretty quiet, sometimes muffled by your neck, but the times she’s vocal is just moans, pants and heavy breathing.

W = Wild card (a random headcanon for the character)

sexting, nudes or films if you allow her.

X = X-ray (let’s see what’s going on under those clothes)

she probably has piercings in other places. but that’s just me though…

Y = Yearning (how high is their sex drive?)

decently high i’d say, depends on where her teasing leads to.

Z = Zzz (how quickly they fall asleep afterwards)

it’s a 50/50 with se-mi, depends, sometimes she just stays there cuddled up with you tracing lazy patterns on your thigh while you sleep, making you stir in your sleep. that, or she sleeps like she’s dead. (no pun intended 😿)

©sczne

[saeslove]

🕸️ 013 . the silent touch

synopsis when the star football player Michael Kaiser shows up at your window injured, you tend to his wounds and uncover a deeper side to him. as secrets unfold and emotions rise, you find yourself questioning your growing feelings for him. wc 1.8k

as you skimmed through your textbook for the calculus exam you were struggling with, doubts swirled in your mind. you couldn’t shake the unease about inviting a stranger into your house. your study lamp was the only source of light in the dim room.

your thoughts were interrupted by a knock at the window.

you glanced over and saw a silhouette of a man outside. hesitant at first, you received a text “i’m here.” it was from kaiser. as soon as you opened the window, a gust of wind rushed in, followed by the sight of a shivering Michael Kaiser.

"did you really climb up a 15-story apartment? you could’ve just come through the front door."

you stepped aside, letting him in as he walked around your room, inspecting your bedroom. “nice room.”

“yeah, it’s nothing special, though.”

his gaze fell on your study table, where papers were scattered everywhere. “oh, what’s this? calculus? you’re struggling with this?” he hid a smirk behind his smile.

“hey! this is the only chapter i need help with, and my exam is soon”

as he stepped closer to the light, his face was illuminated, and for the first time today, you saw his features clearly.

“what’s that on your face?”

his eyes met yours, but before he could respond, you stepped closer, brushing your fingers over his cheek. you felt the cut and bruise.

he quickly pulled away, looking down, hiding behind his hoodie. “it’s nothing. just a cut from football.”

“no, it’s not nothing,” you insisted. “let me help you. i’ll go get it the first aid outside.”

as you carefully tended to his wounds, you couldn’t ignore how close his face was to yours. just as you were finishing up, he winced, and a rush of sympathy just hit you. this bruise seemed to cut deeper than just the surface.

“you know, normal people use the door,” you said, attempting to ease the awkward tension hanging in the air.

“yeah, but then i wouldn’t get to see that look on your face. totally worth it,” he replied with a faint grin.

you opened your mouth to respond but decided against it, letting the words hang in the silence. his eyes, however, never left yours.

“i know what you want to ask,” he said, breaking the quiet.

“what?” you asked, your voice softer than you intended.

“you want to know where i got all these bruises,” he said, his tone unreadable.

“i mean, yeah but if you don’t want to talk about it, that’s fine”

“just a rough game, tackles hit harder sometimes. it’s not a big deal.” he shrugs

“you’ve got bruises everywhere, and a broken rib the other day and i’m supposed to believe this is just soccer? what soccer have you been playing?”

he leans back slightly, smirking, “why are you so worked up over this? maybe i should get injured more often then?”

you shot him a look. “don’t even joke about that. do you think i want to keep patching you up every time you get yourself hurt?”

“i didn’t ask you to but maybe you secretly like it”

"yeah sure, i just watching you wince in pain," you teased, smacking his bicep lightly. but the way he flinched made you pause.

your brow furrowed. "wait are you hurt somewhere else?"

"no" he said quickly, but the way his hand instinctively clutched his arm betrayed him.

you shot him a pointed look, and he sighed in defeat. "fine."

slowly, he pulled off his hoodie, revealing a nasty injury on his arm. you breath hitched as you took in the sight—though it wasn’t just the wound that caught your attention.

this was your first time seeing his tattoo up close. the intricate blue rose tattoo on his arm was impossible to ignore, the way it seemed to almost bloom under the light. as you gently cleaned the wound, your fingers brushed against his skin, and your eyes lingered a second too long.

"cool, right?" his voice was softer now, almost playful.

you glanced up at him. "yeah but why a blue rose?"

he hesitated, a faint smile tugging at the corners of his lips. "honestly? i don’t really know. i got it after i started playing football. it just felt right."

there was something unspoken in his words, something that made your heart beat a little faster. but before you could press further, a loud knock echoed through the house, snapping the moment like a twig underfoot.

“oh no that’s my dad! you have to hide! and don’t leave this room”

he raised an eyebrow, clearly amused by your sudden panic. “your dad? is he one of those ‘clean my shotgun while i meet your friends type?”

you glared at him, shoving him toward your closet. “don’t test it. now go!”

“fine, fine relax schatz.” he scrambled to his feet, wincing slightly as he moved. “but if he asks, i came through the door like a normal person.” surrendering his hands in the air.

“just hide!” you hissed, practically shoving him inside. he ducked into the cramped space, grumbling under his breath about how tight it was.

the knock sounded again, louder this time. taking a deep breath, you smoothed your hair and rushed to open the door.

your dad stood there, holding a set of car keys. “hey, i left my keys at home and just wanted to let you know i’m heading out to work again. need anything when i come home?”

you forced a smile, trying to steady your heartbeat. “nope, i’m good! thanks.”

he frowned slightly, eyes narrowing as he glanced past you into your room. “are you okay? you seem... jumpy.”

“nope, not at all. actually, i was just doing yoga” you leaned casually against the doorframe, praying he wouldn’t notice the slightly ajar closet door.

“in the dark?” he asked calmly but still suspicious.

“yeah it’s just a girls thing hehe”

after a long moment, he shrugged. “alright. i’ll be back tomorrow morning, love you.”

as soon as the door closed behind him, you let out a breath you hadn’t realized you were holding. turning back to the closet, you yanked the door open.

“coast is clear”

he was sitting on the floor of your closet, holding one of your old basketball trophies. “didn’t know you played. pretty impressive.”

you grabbed the trophy from him, trying to hide the blush creeping up your cheeks. “just a past time hobby.”

you sat beside him despite the small space, the silence between you heavy but not unwelcome. for a moment, it was just the two of you, the closeness offering a strange sort of comfort.

“you have a nice dad,” he said softly, breaking the quiet.

“thank you,” you replied, glancing at him. “he works really hard, and i try my best to make him proud.”

he hummed in acknowledgment, leaning his head back against the wall. his gaze seemed far away, as if the room had disappeared around him. “my dad used to beat me up for every little thing i did, especially when we didn’t have any food.”

he words hit like a brick, cutting through the air with quiet devastation. your breath caught, and you turned to him, studying the way his expression stayed oddly calm, like he’d come to terms with it long ago or maybe just buried it deep.

“that’s awful i’m so sorry,” you whispered, unsure if anything you said could even begin to be enough.

je shrugged, offering a faint, bitter smile. “it was what it was. i guess some people aren’t meant to be dads.”

you hesitated, the weight of his words sinking into you. “but you turned out different. you’re not like him.”

he finally looked at you, his eyes softer now, as if your words had reached a part of him he didn’t let people see. “i try” he murmured, his voice almost inaudible.

“your calculus, let me help you with it” he whispered.

you blinked at the sudden shift in conversation, confusion written all over your face. “my calculus? are you seriously using my math homework as a distraction right now?”

“yeah as a reward for patching me up, i’ll help you. you can’t say no because i’m not leaving here until you understand derivatives.”

he sat up, and walked over to your the notes you spread out on the table.

in the past hour he has taught you, you catch yourself watching him more than your notes. the way his brows furrow in concentration, the way his voice softens when he's explaining something challenging.

"see? it’s not that hard," he says, leaning back and grinning.

shaking your head. "yeah, easy for you to say. you ace everything without trying."

"that’s not true," he counters, his tone lighter now. "i’ve got a lot going on, just like you."

you hesitate, noticing the way his grin fades slightly as he speaks. for a brief moment, his vulnerability peeks through again, and it stirs something unfamiliar in your chest.

"you know you’re not what i expected” you say without thinking.

he looks at you, curiosity flickering in his eyes. "what did you expect?"

you shrug, trying to play it off, trying to not get on his nerves “i don’t know. some overconfident star athlete who only cares about himself. but! you’re different."

he smirks, “glad to know i’m not a total cliché."

you find your heart beating faster, your mind racing with the realisation that maybe this isn’t just some casual friendship.

"why are you looking at me like that?" he asks, breaking the moment.

you blink, heat rushing to your cheeks. "looking at you like what”

he smirks, leaning closer. there it was, undenying gaze— intense, unflinching, and impossible to look away from. It was as though he could see right through you. you swallow hard, unaware of how close he is.

"maybe i should go," he says, but there’s hesitation in his voice.

and for the first time, you find yourself not wanting him to leave.

series MASTERLIST

notes from lily ❦⋆ : my fever went down so i decided to just post this, hope u enjoy & thank you for waiting!

i know kaiser didn’t really go to school but i feel like if he did then he would’ve been smart at everything…

TAGLIST

@mixolya @x3nafix @96jnie @tamashithe2nd @cookielovesbook-akie @yuiearyi @noomimi @stargirljas @jhsluvv @sof888a @livelaughloveshidou @swagkittybear @axquella @passw-0-rd @hwaassaa @bbladie @tofumiarchives @justanotherweeb666 @metaphorically-here @ravenbc @levihanmyotp @rybunnie @adrnmyknight @etherealrin @shosuki @90s-belladonna @wwastro @shr00mfairy [tell me if i missed out anyone’s name]

comments & reblogs appreciated!

@ saeslove 2025 do not plagiarize, translate, or rewrite my writings without my permission !

[billiegabbysyd]

holy fuck ( g!p billie eilish x fem black reader) 18+

Warning: smut, 18+

Contains: age gap ( billie is 27 and you are 20), daddy k!nk and sex in a church

(reader has very strict parents and was very sheltered)

(reader also has a slight country accent)

Summary: your mom takes you to see your favorite priestess so she can teach you a lesson..

"momma, please i won’t do it again!" you pleaded while your mom as she dragged you to the church doors.

"no y/n! you're a sinner and you need to ask God for forgiveness. you are seeing the pastor today." she protest as she opened the doors.

she had caught you masturbating. you were embarrassed, she had told you were going to hell and needed to ask for forgiveness.

she was really strict with you even though you were 20 and in college. you just happened to live at home.

you struggle while your mother drags you by your arm to the pastor and priest’s offices.

she knocked on the pastor’s door, but nobody answered.

the door next to his opened instead.

you whole mood changed when you saw who opened that door.

it was your favorite priestess. 7 years older than you.

billie she was the reason that you came to church with your mom.

her eye sometimes wandered on you. you did the same thing too.

she flirted with you calling you pretty and sweet.

you had made out a few times but nothing more happened.

except twice when y’all dry humped in the church’s pews after service.

and the other time being when you sat on her lap and she fingered you in her office.

that was after your lesson with her.

all your mom knew is that billie was a good influence on you.

but what she didn’t know was that the priestess was reason for you masturbating.

that you two had been fooling around for about 6 months.

billie looked at you and your mom with a smile. ”hello, pastor kennedy is out, but i can help y’all.”

she leads you both into her office, sitting down in her chair behind a desk. billie offers you two a seat.

you sit down, but you mom stands behind your chair. staring at your mother, billie asks, “what brings you two here to today?”

“well i caught y/n sinnin’ and i need you give her a lesson and make her ask for forgiveness.” your mom states.

billie looks at you with her ice blue eyes, and your heart beats faster. “and what sin did you commit, y/n?”

”i-i masturbated, miss.” speaking at just above a whisper, it was enough.

billie nods and looks at your mom. "ms. y/l/n, you can go and i'll bring y/n home when we are done"

your mom smiles. "thank you reverend eilish, you're a godsend."

she places her hand on your shoulder, and you look up at her.

"do everything she says y/n. i'll see you at home." you nod.

she kisses your forehead and walks out the door.

billie waits for a minute before going to lock her door.

"now y/n, can you tell me who you were thinking about when you were touching yourself?"

teasing you, knowing the answer already.

she sits in the chair next to you, turning it so she can face you.

"well, i'm embarrassed miss."

she still made you nervous after your many encounters with her.

she turns your chair, so you are looking at her too.

"really? and why is that?'

you put your head down.

"because i was thinkin' bout you." you whisper.

she grabs you face to make you look at her.

"speak up baby girl." she bites her lip looking you up and down

i wa-was thinkin' bout y-y-you, ma'am." you shuttered out.

.

a smile appears on billie's face as she lets go of your face.

"oh. i see. come sit here honey." she pats on her lap.

you sit down and you feel a bulge rubbing your upper thigh

you squeeze your legs together as your pussy tingles.

'tell me what you were thinking about me doing to you.'

she places a hand on your thigh.

“well i think ab-about you kissin’ me”

”keep going baby girl” her hand slides up your thigh to under your skirt.

you feel a wet sensation form in your cotton underwear.

“i-i think bout you taking me on your desk, fuckin’ me til i can’t feel ma legs, miss”

she lets out a breathy laugh. “my, my. you’re so bad, pretty girl.”

her hand reaches your now soaked panties.

you gasp as she rubbing you through your underwear.

”your so wet from me, baby. and here on out it’s daddy or billie.” you groan tilting your head back in ecstasy.

billie takes this opportunity to start sucking on your neck while her hand works between your thighs.

you let a squeaky moan. “yes daddy.” laughing against your neck, she takes this moment to move your panties to the side.

take two fingers to your aching core, billie’s fingers dip between your lips.

running them through your arousal covered folds.

“please, i wan’ you!” you exclaim.

she chuckles softly.

”mhmm baby, you’re so sweet. begging for me”

she removes her hand from between your legs.

not before slapping you on your thigh.

you shutter from the sting.

”stand up for me, baby”

you do as you are told.

not to long after billie stands up in front and turns you around.

her hands set firmly on your waist as she guides you to her desk.

she pushes you down so you’re bent over on the desk.

you gasp.

you can feel the air hit your panty covered ass when billie lifts up your skirt a bit.

”my baby girl sinner. you need to be punished.”

she takes her hand and caresses your ass before slapping it.

“oh ma god, daddy i’m so sorry!”

*smack*

”ah!”

“nah baby take your punishment and i’ll make you feel good. now apologize to God.”

*smack*

”oh, i’m s-sorry God.”

*smack*

“what are you sorry for, princess?”

*smack*

”fu-fuck, i’m sorry fa touchin’ myself.”

your face is on fire and you underwear is soaked.

”very good, baby.”

*smack*

billie moves her hand to between your ass and starts rubbing you through your panties.

you start to breathe heavily as you can feel the friction from her fingers.

”o-oh my” you whisper slowly. you begin to against her.

”that’s it, my naughty girl”

“please i need your fingers, daddy”

she lets out a breathy chuckle.

billie removes her hand and pulls down your underwear and skirt.

you sharply inhale as you feel the cold air on your wet cunt.

they fall to your ankles and you step out of them and you kick off your shoes too.

she turns you over to help you get out of your shirt and unclasp your bra.

fully naked, she takes a moment to appreciate you and your body.

cupping your cheek to bring you in for a slow kiss, she speaks.

“you’re mine now, remember that y/n”

you nod.

billie then push you to lay down on her desk.

laying down you have no choice but to look at the ceiling.

you thought about this being your first time with billie.

you were excited and ready for her to take you.

after a few moments you prop your elbows up to see the priestess.

she’s stripping herself of all her clothes.

you focus on her toned body.

her big pale breast slightly swinging as she pulled her pants down.

your eyes widen as you as you see the big bulge coming from billie’s eight inch penis.

fixated on her cock, she pulls her underwater down.

the priestess reveals her semi hard throbbing penis.

noticing you staring, billie laughs.

”are you ready, baby?.”

she walks between your legs, fully naked.

her dick grazes against your thigh.

would you like me fuck you here?”

her fingers started playing with your folds before circling around your hole.

you were soaked and aching for her.

her fingers moving easily through your slick folds.

you felt your entrance open and close fast as the need for it to be filled grew.

you panted out, “yes, please daddy.”

you gasped as she sank one finger into your needy cunt.

you focused on her moving in and out of you.

your hole clenched around her, but you wanted more.

You rolled your hips fast against her finger.

she sighed and stopped moving.

her finger just sat inside of you, you were so needy and she was teasing you.

you looked at her, and she glared back at you.

“stop moving, princess.” she ordered.

you obeyed.

whimpering in frustration when she still didn’t move.

“you do what i say, y/n.” you nodded completely under her dominance.

billie’s voice was strict.

it was so hot, you loved how demanding she was.

you had been waiting for this moment since you two started seeing other each other.

she gave you a smirk before moving her finger at a slow pace.

“fuck, daddy!”

you exclaim. she lets out a breathy chuckle.

“baby, you’re so sweet.”

she began moving her finger faster.

she places her other hand on your thigh to push your leg open more .

giving her access to your pussy.

the priestess moves that hand on your hip, her thumb gently rubs there in circles.

billie then slides two more fingers into you.

you arched your back, feeling yourself being stretched out.

a familiar feeling you missed.

your nails scratch against her desk.

“i missed you clenching around my fingers, princess.”

her fingers curled inside of you and pressing right into your spongy inner wall.

“oh my, billie i wan’ more.. promise i’ll be good!”

“such a little slut for me. desperate for me to fuck you, aren’t you baby girl?”

“yes billie!” you squeal . “ima slut for you.”

“my good girl learning her lesson!” she saids as she picks up the pace.

she drops to her knees, so her fingers are in you even deeper.

you moaned as feel yourself close to an orgasm.

billie feels you squeezing her fingers. she slaps your thigh.

you cry out.

“you don’t cum until i say so.”

you open your mouth wanting to speak but instead you let out a loud scream.

her fingers began hitting into your g-spot.

you squeeze your eyes shut as you’re trying to hold back from cumming.

she stands up still finger fucking you.

leaning on top of you, she places a tender kiss on your lips.

you open your eyes to find her ice blue ones staring at you.

she gives you a soft smile. you smile back giggling a bit.

“you’re so good, holding.back. for me.”

you cry out while gripping her shoulders as she thrusts her body and fingers into you with every word she says.

“cum for me, princess.” she says that, you let out a loud moan as you cum around her fingers.

you nails digging into billie as you shake underneath her.

she slows down her fingers letting you ride out your climax.

as soon as you are calmed down. the priestess gets off from on top of you.

“are you ready for me.?”

you nod eagerly wanting her to fill you up once more.

she’s standing between your legs again, removing her fingers from in you.

you look at her and she uses your juices from her hand to lube up her fully hard dick.

you spread your thighs letting her know that you’re ready.

she moves to your throbbing center.

you could feel the tip of her cock rubbing up and down on the outside of your lips

you groan feeling her cock pushing past your lips.

your swollen, aching walls were already throbbing for her dick.

billie’s cock moved up and down in between your already creamy folds,

the tip of her penis goes over your clit,

making your button twitch and swell with anticipation

your hole throbbed strongly for her, which made you breath heavy.

"you ready?" billie asked you.

you were impatient so you told her to just fuck you.

she pressed her tip up against your quivering hole

you could feel it opening up around her swollen member as she pushed in slowly .

feeling her long throbbing hard cock stretch you, drove you crazy.

spreading your legs even further, she was able to push in even deeper you felt your wet entrance open up further.

you cry, "yess daddy! uhh yeeesss! fill my pussy!"

she licked her lips at the sight of your dripping cunt around her thick cock.

she gripped on your waist to pull you closer

the squishy wet sound your pussy was making as she fucked you filled the air.

along with billie’s grunts and your moans.

she pulls you up so you’re face to face with her.

you wrap your arms around her.

she whispers in your ear, "you want more, don't you?"

you nodded frantically as she pulls out of you turning you around.

she grunts as she pushes back into you half way.

billie starts taking you from behind, her hands gripping your waist.

the priestess moans feeling the warmth of your pussy around her cock.

"fuck baby girl, you’re so tight" closing her eyes for a moment

you could feel your sensitive walls grasping and pulsing around billie’s cock,

she pushed further into you.

she slides all the way inside of your cunt, your ass is slapping against her pubic bone

you let out a whine, arching your back to push yourself up by your hands.

billie’s hard cock hits a different spot repeatedly as she pulls you up to her.

one of her arms is wrapped around your chest and the other hand is resting on your waist.

you’re clenched around her cock with every movement she makes.

you begin to meet her thrusts.

you could feel your warm juices being fucked out of you, now.

billie moans, "fuck yesss, bounce on that dick!"

you start to pant while fucking her back as you felt her boobs pressing against your back.

"ohhh ma god!" which made her cock twitch up against your spot.

you felt yourself about to climax.

your pussy ached around billie’s thrusting dick.

you needed more of her.

you began to move your hips faster match her thrust.

she pushes you back on the desk, fucking you faster than before.

"ughhh! daddy yeessss!" you cried as your walls tightened around her penis.

"o-oh my billie!" you cried. ‘i’m so close!’

she grunts picked up more as she started thrusting franticly.

thrusting her cock into your squelching pussy.

you could hardly function as you felt your orgasm building up.

billie’s hands grips your ass cheeks before giving them a smack.

you were so ready to cum, as she fucked you, that you cried out for her not to stop.

“daddy please let me cum!”

she spreads your legs wider.

you felt her balls slapping against your spread open pussy lips.

you felt turned on by the sound of her cock squishing inside of your cunt, when your orgasm suddenly exploded.

you came and releasing your arousal all over billie’s cock as she stretched you open.

squirting as your soaked pussy squeezed fast around her cock

you felt turned on by the sound of her cock squishing inside of your cunt, when your orgasm suddenly exploded.

her grunts became and her thrusts became sloppy.

you could tell she was about to cum too.

she brings you up again to her as she starts to play with your nipple

" fuuuuck y/n keep squeezing my dick like that!" she gasped.

billie whined before grabbing your breast as she continued to slam her thick cock in and out of your quivering walls.

you had never been fucked through an orgasm before.

coming down from your first climax.

you could feel a second orgasm building.

"daddy don’t stop!"

“baby, i’m so close.”

you felt her cock throbbing up against your soaked walls, as she roughly thrusted deep inside of you.

billie yelled as she came inside of you.

the warmth of her semen spurting had you trembling, tipping you over the edge.

your second orgasm crashed down on you.

your juices released all over billie’s sensitive cock.

she continued to fuck you and her’s orgasms.

her balls slapping against your wet pussy lips.

you both came down.

billie held you up with her penis still deep inside of your vagina.

the priestess’s cock softened up.

it slipped out of your hole, which made you whine.

you could feel some of her semen spill out of you.

it dripped down between your thighs.

you collapsed on the desk and she comes behind you.

billie’s finger wipe the trail of cum leaking out of you.

you shiver.

she brings that hand back to your filled hole.

pushing her load deeper in you with four of her fingers.

you whimper still sensitive from her dick.

”so pretty with my cum filling you.”

her push in you again.

you groan and she laughs pulling her out of you.

she rubs her wet hand on your ass before slapping it.

you cry out, “daddy!”

”mine”

she leans over you.

kissing your neck. you laughed, turning around to face her.

she laughed, planting a kiss on your lips.

“thank you for the lesson billie.”

you look up at her.

“we should do this again.”

she laughs with a wide smile.

”how about we do this again as girlfriend and girlfriend?”

you’re taken off guard by that statement.

nodding yes eagerly as you jump into billie’s arm.

you plant the biggest kiss on her lips and she returns the gesture.

”ok, well let’s get you back home.”

you both clean up and put your clothes back on.

you two walk out of the church hand in hand.

[nalyra-dreaming]

I think what they are doing with Lestat character is something like… show Lestat and book Lestat probably start the same, and will finish the same (as the Prince). But the “middle” part is different and they have different arcs, so they are kind of the same but at the same time they are very different characters. I suppose show Lestat has gone through even more abuse and horrors and will be lonely for much longer than book Lestat, which made him embrace his monstrosity in a way book Lestat never managed. Its almost like show Lestat is a “what if” AU version of book Lestat. What if his optimism was not enough to face all the shit life threw at him? Book Lestat struggles more to accept his vampirc nature, sometimes he indulges in it but he is constantly full of guilt over it. His light is just too strong. Book Lestat doesnt need a redemption arc, show Lestat will need one. He buries his humanity in an attempt to bury his pain and vulnerability. Book Lestat needs to learn how to accept himself and his vampiric nature, fully embrace what he is, whereas show Lestat needs to retrieve his humanity back, to find it again. Probably with the help of Louis and through a lot of shame. I think Show Lestat focused on the few reliefs his life provided: blood and vampirism as the only source of pleasure (before meeting Louis), as a way to cope with his pain. When he meets Louis he is already kind of a little bit more in touch with his humanity.

It is different arcs, different characters. I would love to see book Lestat being adapted on TV but I also think they could potentially do show Lestat and his redemption arc beautifully, its not necessarily a given they are gonna mess it up. I already let it go of the idea that we are seeing the same character, and so far I am optimistic that will really enjoy show Lestat and his journey. He will go from a good optimisic man (like human book lestat), to monster, to prince charming.

I am too invested in this show to give it up haha

Oh same.

And I adore the cleverness of the scripts, the way they address things, the actors they chose, and the music... the music.

You are right, it is like an AU arc - slightly off in timeline, slightly off re characterization, still hitting the main points.

As such, I also will enjoy it, don't get me wrong. I said it before, this is "it", and I will enjoy it :)

I think it was just a few things piling up, and the ever lasting bullshit this fandom runs of "Lestat the abuser™" that can drag one down.

This show is too good as to not to enjoy it :)

And I cannot wait for Sam's Lestat in season 3.

Because that will be the Lestat he wants to show us.

[peachhcs]

I feel like Emma would feel like an outcast in the group sometimes because she’s on the bit of the quieter side, and everyone else has known or known of each other for years. She came in not knowing anyone, and maybe she brings it up to Gabe.

AW guys this is such angst 😣😣😣 my shaylaaaa, my beloved but also yes i definitely believe she struggles with this sometimes and she tries not to let it bother her but it does sometimes

especially when she’s like hanging out w the guys or something and they’re talking about inside jokes she doesn’t get :( or when maybe she goes to the lake house for the first time the first summer after their freshman year (bc emma and gabe start dating in their freshman year) she finds it hard to find her place yknow?

so imagine this taking place summer after their freshman year at the lake house

au masterlist

emma was feeling a bit..lost? out of place? she didn’t really know how to describe it exactly. she loved everyone, don’t get her wrong. they were such an energetic and entertaining group of friends, but she’d been at the hughes lake house for a few days now and she just felt a little bit out of place.

as soon as her and gabe got there, his hockey friends were on his back and then samy and julianne were in the mix, and then there was hannah who emma didn’t really know, but yet also she didn’t really know them besides the bc boys. it was confusing and watching all of them quickly fall back into place with one another kind of did leave a small sting in her chest.

she wasn’t ever one to make a huge deal about it though. emma always tried rationalizing her thoughts because obviously she didn’t really know these people that well because she didn’t grow up with them. it made sense that they were so close and got excited whenever all of them were together in the same place at the same time.

and as much as samy really tried making emma feel included because she was new, the blonde still felt a little behind whenever someone started cracking a joke or bringing up things from before she joined their inner circle.

so as much as it was sort of bothering emma, she didn’t say anything because how could she? it wasn’t even that huge of a deal anyway.

however, what she didn’t know was that gabe knew her well. even though they hadn’t even been dating a whole year yet, he had gotten to know her pretty well and quickly learned all of her little quirks because of how much time they spent together during the school year. so when emma became a little more quiet than usual, he noticed right away.

the hockey player found her in the kitchen one day when everyone else was off doing their own thing. he approached carefully to not scare her.

“hey,” the boy smiled as he wrapped his arms around her shoulders and kissed the side of her head. emma grinned at the affection, turning her head to kiss him back.

“hey.”

“whatcha doing?” the blonde had a book laid out on the counter she was reading.

“reading this book,” the girl giggled.

“sounds fun. what’s it about?” the thing emma loved about gabe was that he always asked her what she was reading and really listened whenever she yapped on about it.

every other guy used to just not care, but gabe genuinely did want to know what she was reading every time, so emma began telling him about her book.

the dark-haired boy smiled widely, nodding along to what she was saying and adding in his own remarks when he deemed necessary.

“wow, sounds intense,” gabe mumbled with a small smile.

“it is pretty intense. what’re you doing? where’s everyone else?” the girl wondered as she closed her book for now to give gabe her full attention.

“nothing. i came looking for you. i think everyone’s just doing whatever right now,” he hummed and his words made her smile.

“came looking for me? that’s sweet,” she pinched his chin.

“yeah i did come looking for you. i was missing you,” he admitted and emma blushed even further. she hid her face away from his so he didn’t see, but gabe directed her chin right back to him. a loving smile danced on his lips.

“i’m happy you’re here,” now gabe was never the one to bring things up that he knew was bothering emma unless it was really pressing. he always tried giving her the space to bring it up herself if she wanted to and right now he was trying to do that because he knew what was on her mind.

“you are?” emma wondered.

“i am. feels like you’ve been around forever,” the hockey player smiled and that’s when emma’s smile faded a bit.

she pulled back and gabe knew he hit the spot that’s been clouding his girlfriend’s mind for days.

“sometimes it doesn’t feel like that,” emma finally admitted with a tiny frown.

“what do you mean?” gabe asked gently.

“ugh, it’s gonna sound so selfish and i don’t wanna be that person,” the blonde quickly backtracked and shook her head because it was selfish to her that she felt out of place in a place she never belonged to in the beginning.

“hey, no, no don’t say that. talk to me, em,” her boyfriend encouraged and emma cringed. she looked around to make sure no one else was close by.

“i dunno. like i love how close you guys all are and i love seeing you so happy getting to hang out with your friends, but i guess..fuck. don’t make me say it gabe you already know,” emma grew embarrassed.

“not really. i promise i won’t judge you, em,” he cupped her face and made sure she knew he was being serious.

the girl sighed and struggled to find her words, “i guess i just feel weird sometimes because you guys have known each other for like..so long and i like don’t know any of you at all really. you know? like yeah i know the bc guys but like..not really. i don’t really hang out with them a lot. i dunno. everyone’s so..energetic here and i’m so..not?”

the dark-haired boy quickly frowned hearing emma say all of this, “hey wait, do you think they don’t like you or something?”

“i mean, maybe? i don’t know. like i feel..out of place. like i shouldn’t be here. like this is a place only for you guys because you’ve been here and grown up around it for so long?” she was probably making zero sense and her gaze stuck to gabe’s shirt instead of his face that was trying to meet hers again.

“baby, i’m sorry you feel that way. i knew something was on your mind, but i didn’t know it was that. i’m sorry,” the pang in gabe’s chest grew bigger that his girlfriend had been feeling this way. “did this just start or have you been feeling this way?”

“i mean i guess..it’s kind of always been there? like sometimes when you invite me over and we’re with the guys and they start talking about things that i have no idea what they’re talking about..i guess it got more prominent being here.”

“come here,” gabe quickly stuffed emma into his arms.

she took comfort in his embrace and familiar scent that she always used to calm her anxieties. they stood like that for a few more moments until emma was ready to pull away. gabe smiled down at her, holding her face in his hands again.

“if it is any consolation, samy really did want you here. she texted me like nonstop about making sure you knew you had an invite and that you’d come. i know it’s weird because you were kind of thrown into us, but i promise everyone wants you here and they all like you. samy adores you, hannah adored you, julianne adores you. and even if they didn’t, that wouldn’t matter because i adore you and want you here,” gabe assured which did make emma feel a little bit better hearing him say that.

“i guess i’ve just never had such a tight knit group of friends before that it’s also kind of weird to me,” emma laughed.

“well consider all of them a group you can count on because as crazy and loud and rambunctious as they are, they never fail to show up when you need them. and i know this probably isn’t the same, but to maybe bring you more comfort, when i first started hanging around samy and will i felt something similar. they knew each other so well and had known one another for years that it felt weird inserting ourselves into their already little group, but trust me when i say that samy loves meeting new people and inviting them in. i mean you see all the people here,” the two shared a heartfelt laugh.

“i am sorry you’ve been feeling this way though. i’m glad you could tell me,” the boy continued when emma didn’t say anything. she smiled.

“thanks for listening. i think it will just take me some more time to get acclimated and used to all of this, you know? you do have some really cool friends,” emma hummed. she melted into the boy’s touch as he brought her up to quickly kiss her lips.

“you have some cool friends too. i love you,” he hummed when they pulled away.

“i love you too.”

[kaiderlou]

Taking Back Your Brain: tips from a medical student

I have a confession to make: I am incredibly terrible at looking up from my phone and engaging in real life. Like bad bad. Like I struggle to get through a lecture without getting on tiktok bad. So here are all the things I'm plotting and planning to take back my brain from the greedy fingers of tech billionaires who have commodified my attention span--hopefully some of this will help you too!

1. Recognizing WHY I'm reaching for my phone as much as I am

the hidden truth behind our declining attention spans : This video really helped me reframe the way I think of my reliance on social media. I encourage watching it, but if you don't have the time, here's the breakdown:

We live in a world that is designed to distract us. Media and tech as a whole have gotten continuously better at grabbing our attention. It grows their platform, it makes them money, and they are investing money into research to invent new tactics to distract us.

What cues us to reach for our phones? Leonie shares in her video that she does so whenever she has a negative thought, and I agree. The nature of short form content promises quick distraction without having to commit to a long holiday from whatever task is at hand (though it always ends up happening). I'm working on confronting whatever uncomfortable thing is prompting me to reach for my phone, rather than giving in and creating a cycle of dependence.

2. Utilizing zones

Designate zones for each different "mode" of life. Don't shit where you eat and don't work where you sleep. Have a space for studying, socializing, sleeping/leisure, etc. and don't mix them. This prevents you from mixing cues. When you're in your work zone, it signals to your brain that it's time to go into work mode, making it easier to focus.

This is the idea behind sleep hygiene too! Keeping your room or even just your bed reserved only for sleep means that when you enter that zone, it cues your brain that it's time for sleep.

3. Mindfulness practices

There is very little I resent more than being told as a busy student that the reason I'm burnt out is because I don't practice mindfulness (it's definitely not because the system is rigorous and asks too much of us, right????) but unfortunately, they might be right.

Mindfulness helps pull you out of the muck of what's happening inside your head and into the present moment. It has been so helpful with pulling me out of my anxiety and makes me feel like I'm actually living my life, rather than avoiding it. Instead of diving headfirst into my phone or maladaptive thinking, I'm grounded in the reality of the present moment.

In the same vein, feel your feelings. It can be uncomfortable, but running from them only works for so long. It takes more and more energy to avoid them until something finally gives. Feel the sensation in your body, be aware of it, then let it pass. Getting comfortable with doing this will eventually replace the avoidance tactics you've picked up, like endless scrolling.

4. Fill your free time with productive things

This doesn't mean don't rest. Rest is productive. But you have to actually rest and do things that are regenerative, not doomscroll.

Take the time to grow in ways that interest you. Do things for your body, mind, and soul. For instance, I like lifting weights, reading/watching video essays/seeing movies on topics I'm curious about, topics that make me think (balanced by fluffy books that DON'T make me think), and praying/reading my Bible. Growth is good for you, your brain wasn't made to be stagnant.

5. Be kind to yourself and your brain

Sometimes kindness looks like cutting yourself some slack, but sometimes it's having the discipline to do something now so you aren't kicking yourself down the line. This is the biggest principle that I live by and it helps me reframe doing the hard things. The hard things have to be done regardless, it's just a matter of under what circumstances. Wouldn't you rather do them when they're easier than when you're fueled by panic? Take care of future you

Anyways, these are the things I'm going to be focusing on with my dedicated STEP 1 study period fast approaching <3

[urauntiefaye]

I really appreciate you metioning neurodivergent readers in the daddy kink maki post. could you go more into detail with maki x autistic!reader? I find it hard in the kpop/jpop space to find people who even bring up being autistic, let alone write about it.

Maki x Autistic!Reader 🌸

WC: 1008 

TW: Talks of Autism, Autistic!Reader, Gender Neutral reader, Neurodivergent reader, Autism is a spectrum and it’s not the same for everybody so if you experience it differently than this that’s okay! Let me know if I forgot anything!

A/N: It’s never a problem! As someone who is neurodivergent I also find it hard to find anything jpop/kpop related things in regards to the neurodivergent space. Or honestly just anything to do with mental health, I personally love writing where the reader is neurodivergent or has other mental disorders like Bipolar, BPD, Major Depressive Disorder, literally ANYTHING like that because it kind of heals me a little if that makes any sense. But shout out to my bestie for helping me with this, even though a lot of my symptoms add up with Autism I have not been diagnosed with it (I have ADHD even though my doc wants to get me tested for Autism) And my bestie has been diagnosed with Autism so they helped me a lot with writing this. I hope you do enjoy this and if you see any errors hit me up! I’m always looking forward to educating myself on things like this. 

Maki is a very attentive person, he notices a lot of small things and is very considerate of others. Now I did say that Maki would be the perfect boyfriend to have for someone who is neurodivergent. But not in the sense that he knows exactly what to do right away. Mostly because that’s honestly unrealistic, even if he knows about Autism. He doesn’t know exactly what having Autism is for you since it’s a spectrum and everyone with Autism experiences it differently.

What I mean by this is that he will take the time to learn and try to understand you to the best of his abilities. Even though he doesn’t know what it’s like, he still goes out of his way to educate himself and ask his partner questions about it.  But he will struggle and might in the best of terms I can think of is “fails”(not the best word I know) in the beginning. For example: Maki is a very physically affectionate person, it’s one of his major love languages(got this from when Maki was crying because Harua didn’t like physical contact with him and he thought Harua didn’t like him at first). But sometimes his partner might get overstimulated or just in a mood where they just can’t stand physical contact at the moment. It’s not that they don’t love him, it’s just in that moment being touched literally irritates the fuck out of them or they just simply don’t want to be touched. At first he wouldn’t understand that, and would keep trying to maybe hold their hand or hug them. 

But because of the stimulation of it they may lash out because of it. If they do he wouldn’t get it and might get insecure about it, but once they explain to him why his negative emotions would fly out the window. He would then move on from that moment and ask them if it’s okay to touch them, sometimes he still does without asking but he at least makes an effort to make sure their not getting overstimulated by it. Another thing is loud noises or just too much noise. It’s no secret that Maki is a very loud individual, especially when he’s with his friends and members. Now even though his partner can be loud too, and bursts of moments of talking a lot. It’s usually only when they’re completely comfortable. But if they start getting overstimulated and the noises are getting too much he would try to find a way to help them. Like taking them to a quieter place, or giving them his headphones to help dial the noises down. He would try to pick up on the signs for when they’re starting to get overstimulated too. He’s always attentive to his partner and will learn the signs very quickly. He also learned fast not to mess with them when they’re stimming. At first he thought they were just anxious but learned that it was a way to regulate their emotions or help the overstimulation. 

When it comes to tone he always helps his partner, like if they take something literally or just didn’t pick up on the tone of someone's voice he will essentially take time to explain it to his partner. And he doesn’t get tired of it either, because he understands that they sometimes take everything literally or have a hard time reading people's expressions and moods. Doesn’t mind that his partner is considered “blunt” either, he actually prefers it. He hates when people sugarcoat things, and acts fake. That’s why he prefers to have a partner who speaks their mind even if it does come off rude sometimes, he gets that his partner isn’t trying to be rude. 

When it comes to food he’s super understanding about it, like if they can’t eat certain foods because of the texture he won’t make them eat it. If he’s trying something new and it’s in a flavor or texture they don’t like he will tell them so they don’t eat it. 

USES TONE TAGS WHEN TEXTING OMG, the start of the relationship when it came to texting it always led to misunderstanding which led to fights. So when he found out about tone tags he was on that shit and it’s become a habit for him now that he even uses it when he’s texting other people. He actually finds this just super helpful and thinks people should use them more often.

Is a huge supporter of his partners hyperfixations too! He will sit there and watch all episodes of his partner's favorite show. And will let them go on for hours telling him about this cool thing, even if it is just info dumping about the topic. Always shows interest in it too, whenever he sees an object in correlation to their hyper fixation in the store he buys it immediately. He honestly just loves and can’t get enough of the way his partner just feels so comfortable to talk about it and how they literally just sparkle up about it too. 

When his partner goes nonverbal he does get really concerned over it, but finds a way to communicate with them in alternative ways. Gets extra protective over them when they do go nonverbal, doesn’t force them to talk and doesn’t get angry. If someone says anything to them about it he will stand up and say something. 

Stays on their schedule, he understands that they like to have things a certain way and if it’s not they get pretty upset. Which is fine! He’ll work on it with them, but still works to make sure they have a set structure. 

Gets sad when his partner feels like they have to mask who they are just because society doesn’t deem them “acceptable”. Gets frustrated because things are only designed for neurotypicals. But he feels loved, and happy when his partner doesn’t mask around them because that means that they’re comfortable enough and trust him to not feel like they have too. 

[noc1818]

A Score to be Settled - Chrollo X Reader Fanfic

Hey everyone! I've had this idea for a Chrollo fic swirling around in my head for a while now, where Chrollo wrongs the reader, who's also from Meteor City, during their childhood. This event impacts them so deeply that they’re willing to go to any lengths to seek revenge and settle the score. This chapter is just the backstory leading up to the main plot. If you're interested in reading more, let me know—I’m really enjoying writing it and have a lot more I want to explore! Plus, it’s a fun project to help me get back into writing again. I truly appreciate any support!

Also, this is mostly unedited because I was too excited to share, so feel free to let me know if anything needs fixing!

A few warnings for this piece: Dark themes, death, angst, and intense struggles for survival.

Chapter One: The Debt

Meteor City - Residential Area, 1984

Digging through the scrap was a common occurrence in Meteor City. It was the only way to survive. It always astonished you that people would just throw out and dump some of this stuff without a second thought. Had they never had to scavenge for food or clothes? The idea of having a roof over your head and some form of food security felt like a distant daydream. But that was not your reality. Even at such a young age, the harsh truth of Meteor City was ingrained in your very being.

This had always been the case, at least since you could remember. Your first true memory was when you were five years old, hiding in a broken refrigerator with your little sister, Sumi, who was only two at the time, from some less-than-favorable characters searching the area. That was the reality for all the kids in Meteor City—except for Sumi. She was always a ray of light. Even in the darkest moments, she could spin a positive outlook, which, while uplifting, was sometimes a bit overwhelming.

Recently, she’d been going on and on about a group of kids, she’d met who performed shows for anyone willing to watch. Every day, she came back excited, telling you all about the latest show and its colorful cast of characters. You had promised her that one day you’d go with her to check out the performances. But the reality was that most of your days—hell, your entire childhood—had been spent scavenging and trying to make the best shelter you could for Sumi and yourself.

Still, if you were honest with yourself, your efforts were starting to pay off. You had gathered enough food and non-perishable goods to start a stockpile for the coming winter.

Not only had you been gathering food, but you had been saving Jenny, hoping to accumulate enough to get you and your sister out of the city. At thriteen years old, hidden in your makeshift shack and buried deep within an old metal tea kettle, you had quite a bit saved up. The reality was that it wasn’t much, but to a child with nothing, a hundred Jenny could change a life. Soon, you and Sumi would leave this scrap heap behind and start a real life. You’d be able to give her a solid foundation and a secure future.

As if on cue, scrambling down the narrow paths between the trash heaps, Sumi appeared. She ran toward you in her oversized pink sweater, patched and worn where the fabric had torn over time. She wore frayed blue shorts and dirty old sneakers. As she approached, you noticed her shoes were untied again and made a note to try to teach her how to tie them properly.

Upon seeing you, Sumi immediately called out, “Big Sis!”

Looking up, you gave her a warm smile and a wave. “Sumi, be careful running like that! You might fall!”

Hearing your call, she slowed down and made her way to your makeshift shelter. You had found a space between two scrap heaps, covered with metal sheets that mostly kept the rain out during downpours. You’d draped a cloth over the outside to help keep out the cold and block prying eyes from seeing inside.

Sumi walked over with a big smile, immediately hugging you tightly. “Big Sis, the show today was so cool! They were doing a musical.”

You hummed in acknowledgment of her excited ramblings. Your focus was more on her worn shoes and thinking how you might be able to get her a new pair. But Sumi bright, attentive eyes and her soft call of your name brought your attention back to the present.

“Y/N, are you listening?” she asked, tilting her head with a playful smile.

You nodded, ruffling her hair as you gave her your full attention. “Yes, I’m listening. Tell me all about the play. You said it was a musical, right?”

Sumi’s face lit up as she started rambling in detail about the play, the songs they sang, and the performances. It made you happy to know she had found something that made her so happy and allowed her to still be a kid.

Sumi’s gaze then shifted to the bread rations you’d found and set out for the two of you. She eagerly sat down on the dirt, ready to eat.

“Also, Big Sis, my friend from the play... Can she come over to eat sometime?” she asked, her brown eyes filled with hope.

Typically, you would say no. It was hard enough to feed just the two of you. But this was another kid—another kid from Meteor City—and she made your little sister happier than anyone else could. So, with a reluctant sigh, you nodded, saying, “Sure, but just her, okay?”

Sumi’s eyes widened, and she beamed. “Oh, good! She’ll be so excited when she gets back!”

That last part caught your attention—when she gets back. You wondered what Sumi meant by that, but rather than ask, you focused on the task at hand: getting something to eat. Hunger was often your main drive, having never truly been full your entire life. The two of you ate your bread and chatted the night away until it was time to sleep. You shared a torn-up mattress you’d found one day.

As your sister fell asleep the moment her head hit the pillow, you found yourself wide awake as always. The night was especially cold, even with the cloth covering the sides of your shelter. The cold air still billowed in, leaving you shivering to your core. Unable to sleep, you quietly got up and made your way outside.

Despite the chill, it was a beautiful night. The full moon illuminated the ruins of the city, casting a soft light on the heaps of metal scrap. The sky was clear—a rare sight since the smog usually made it nearly impossible to see the stars. But tonight, they shone bright and radiant, lighting up the darkness.

Little did you know, that on such a peaceful night, your life would change forever because of one mistake.

The sound of scrap being knocked over in the distance caught your attention. Despite your maturity for your age, your curiosity got the better of you. You crept toward the sound, the noise growing louder with each step. Expecting to find an adult out to cause trouble, you peeked cautiously around a corner. To your surprise, there stood a boy, slightly older than you.

He had his back to you, but you could make out his raven-like hair, which ended just above his ears. He wore a yellow-striped shirt and grey shorts, his sneakers as worn out as those of the other kids in the city. You also noticed his pale complexion. But it wasn’t just his appearance that caught your attention—it was the palpable anger radiating from him.

The boy was frantically searching every crevice in the piles of trash, looking for something—or perhaps someone. When a spot didn’t reveal what he was searching for, he would kick and throw things, sending the scrap tumbling down. But it wasn’t just his actions that struck you. There was an energy about him, an intense, almost suffocating wave of anger and despair that filled the air, making it feel heavy and thick with emotion.

You stood frozen, unsure of what to do. You had never encountered such a crushing presence before. The weight of his emotions was almost too much to bear. It took him a while before he realized someone else was there.

He turned toward you, taking a moment to process your presence. Even at his young age, it seemed like he was studying you, trying to figure out who you were. His expression was unreadable, but your silence seemed to provoke him. Without a hint of fear or caution, he started walking toward you. You weren’t surprised—after all, what could a bone-thin girl like you possibly do to a boy older than you?

As he drew closer, you noticed something you would never forget—his eyes. Steely grey, cold as steel, eyes that no child should have. They held a depth of pain, rage, and fear. It was as though his gaze could pierce through you, reading your every thought. The emptiness in them was unsettling, yet beneath that emptiness was an ocean of raw, unspoken emotion.

For a moment, neither of you spoke. His gaze remained locked on yours, unflinching. Then, in a voice that matched the indifference in his expression, he asked, “Why are you out here?”

You hesitated for a moment, processing his question. Finally, you answered in your quiet, almost inaudible voice, “I couldn’t sleep... it’s freezing.”

He listened, his eyes still fixed on yours, and after a brief pause, he nodded slightly. His tone remained flat, as if unaffected by the cold, the silence, or even the raw emotions swirling between you. “I suppose it is quite cold tonight,” he said.

You ask him the same question in return. “Why are you out here?”

Without hesitation, he responds, “I’m looking for someone.”

You raise an eyebrow, puzzled. Why would he be out here, so late, searching for someone? And what’s more, he’s dressed lightly, yet he doesn’t seem bothered by the cold. Curiosity laces your voice as you ask, “Wouldn’t it be smarter to search in the morning, when there’s daylight?”

A flicker of annoyance crosses his face, as if that option simply isn’t available. “Not possible. I’ll find her tonight.”

Normally, you would’ve dismissed him, turned away, and continued with your own business. But he’s another Metor City kid, and something in the back of your mind nags at you. He’s not dressed appropriately for the cold, and if he stays out here like this, he’ll get sick. You remember finding a man’s jacket a while back, one that was too big for you or your sister, and you think maybe it’s time to put it to good use.

“You’re going to catch a cold out here like that,” you say, a note of concern in your voice. “Come with me for two seconds, and I can give you a spare coat we have.”

Your tone is free of malice, just genuine care, and that catches his attention. He gives you a curious glance, eyebrows furrowing as if trying to decipher your intentions. Every kid in this city knows that nothing comes without a price, that nothing is truly free. So when he speaks, his words are cautious.

“I don’t need the jacket.”

His dismissal stings more than you expect, and you sigh, visibly irked. You take a few steps toward him, frustration settling into your voice. “Just take it. We don’t need it.”

At the word “we,” he raises an eyebrow. He’s perceptive, you realize. He takes a step closer, and you suddenly feel the suspicion radiating off him. “You have others with you?”

The question catches you off guard for a moment, but you recover quickly. “Yeah, my little sister, Sum.”

He pauses, his face unreadable, before asking, “You’re Sumi’s older sister? You must be Y/N, then.”

Your eyes widen in surprise. How does he know your name? You raise an eyebrow, and he chuckles, a smirk tugging at his lips.

“Ah, my apologies. Sumi talks about you a lot. She’s always at shows with me and the others.”

That explains it. He must be one of the performer kids Sumi has befriended. You smile, relieved to understand the connection. “Oh! You’re one of Sumi’s friends. She never stops talking about all the shows you all put on. I hear about it all the time.”

“I’m glad she enjoys them so much,” he says with a chuckle. “My name’s Chrollo, by the way. It’s nice to officially meet you, Y/N.”

You extend a hand to him, offering a handshake. “Nice to meet you too, Chrollo.”

As you both shake hands, the conversation continues, and you press him once more to take the spare jacket. He doesn’t seem to trust easily, but the fact that you’re Sumi’s sister seems to put him at ease enough to accept the offer. You can’t let one of your sister’s friends freeze, after all. In your world, you cherish the small acts of kindness, especially when life is so unforgiving.

When you lead Chrollo into your home, you notice his gaze lingering on Sumi, who’s still fast asleep despite the chilly draft in the room.

“She sleeps like a rock,” you say with a smile, reassuring him. “Don’t worry, we won’t wake her up.”

Chrollo raises an eyebrow, then shifts his attention back to you. “Really? She always seems so happy, so it’s not surprising.”

“She’s always been that way,” you reply, a fondness in your tone. “She’s able to find the bright side of things. I’ve always admired her for that.”

“That’s an admirable trait, but a bit naïve,” he remarks, his eyes scanning the room. “And you, Y/N? Which side do you find yourself on?” His intense gaze meets yours, as if he already knows the answer, as if he’s searching for something more.

You hesitate before answering, taking a moment to collect your thoughts. “While I’d like to see things in the best light, it’s not always something I can afford to do. Life is tough, especially in the city. I’m sure you know that. I guess, if anything, I’m just realistic.”

Your words hang in the air, and you meet his gaze. Life hasn’t been kind, not forgiving, and you’ve learned to take things as they are—even if that means accepting a certain darkness. It’s how you survive. It’s how you cope.

Chrollo watches you as you pull the coat from the cooler you’ve repurposed as a storage bin. You turn to hand it to him, but before you can react, he’s right there, standing so close that you nearly jump in surprise.

“Oh, my—” you start, startled. “You surprised me, Chrollo.”

He chuckles lightly. “My apologies. It wasn’t intentional.” He accepts the jacket with a graceful nod. “Thank you for this.”

You watch him pull the coat on. It’s a bit oversized now, but in a few years, it will fit him perfectly. The jacket is a unique shade of royal purple, with white fur lining the neck and sleeve ends—definitely a one-of-a-kind piece.

“Well, Y/N, I have a search to continue,” he says, turning to leave. But before he pulls the sheet up to shield himself from the cold, he pauses and looks back at you.

“I’m also a realist,” he says, his voice quieter now, almost contemplative. “But there’s something so lovely about dreaming, isn’t there? I look at this life from both spectrums. Sometimes, I even think those dreams we chase so desperately can become our reality—if we push hard enough. Just something to think about.”

With those final words, he leaves before you can respond, disappearing into the night.

You stand there, staring at the door as his words linger in your mind. At first, you feel a sharp irritation. He didn’t ask for your opinion, so why did he offer unsolicited advice? And as for his belief that dreams could be turned into reality with enough force—that seemed utterly delusional, especially for kids like you, or anyone from Metor City. Hell, you’d be lucky just to make it to eighteen.

But something about what he said sticks with you, curling into your thoughts like a stubborn seed. You don’t dwell on it for long. You curl up next to Sumi, trying to shake the thoughts away, and drift into sleep. But as you do, you can’t help but wonder… what if, just for once, he was right?

 The next morning, you wake up to the sound of Sumi’s sobs, her distress pulling you from sleep. Instantly, you pull her into a tight hug.

“Shh, Sumi, it’s okay. Tell me what’s wrong. Are you hurt? What happened?” Your voice is steady and calm, a skill you’ve mastered over the years, both as her big sister and in moments of chaos. You’ve always had a knack for calming people in hysteria, and Sumi, in her younger days, gave you plenty of practice.

After a few minutes of reassurance and gentle prodding, she starts to calm down. She looks up at you, her eyes wide and teary, her lip trembling.

“Big sis, it’s… it’s all gone. Our food… our money… it’s all gone,” she says, before breaking into fresh sobs.

At those words, your heart drops. What does she mean? Gone? Your stomach twists with dread.

You pull away from Sumi for a moment, moving quickly to the cooler. There’s no way it could be empty. But when you lift the lid, your breath catches. The cooler is completely bare. All the food and supplies you had gathered for months—some even for years—are gone.

Frantically, you move the cooler aside, only to reveal an empty hole beneath it. The kettle where you kept all your jenny, your coins, your savings—also gone. There’s nothing left.

Panic rises in your chest. How could this happen? Who could have taken everything? Why didn’t you hear anything during the night? Your mind races with a hundred questions, each more frantic than the last. Beneath it all, though, a seething anger begins to bubble. How could anyone do this to kids who had nothing?

But then, Sumi’s sobs break through your clouded thoughts, pulling you back to reality. This is where you need to be the bigger sister. You need to calm her down, to give her the reassurance she needs, even if it means making false promises in the moment.

You pull her into another tight hug, patting her head in an attempt to soothe her. “Shh, Sumi. It’s going to be okay. I’ll figure it out. We’re going to be just fine, I promise.”

Your words, however, don’t seem to help. Sumi’s crying only intensifies, her distress deepening.

“No, Y/N, it’s not! It’s almost winter! I may be younger, but I’m not dumb. I knew it took you almost all year to gather what we had, and that was mostly lucky finds. This is my fault!” she says through ragged sobs, her nose sniffling.

“It’s no one’s fault, Sumi,” you reply, your own voice breaking slightly. You can feel the tears welling in your eyes, but you fight them back, continuing to hold it together. “We’re going to be okay. I’ll figure it out. Everything will be fine, I promise.”

But Sumi, seeing the tears in your eyes, crumbles further. “Big sis, you don’t understand. This is my fault! It was my friends at the play. They took our stuff. I shouldn’t have told Big Sis Sarasa where we live. She must’ve told the others. But I don’t know how—she’s been missing for a few days now!”

Your heart sinks, piecing together exactly what’s happened. It was Chrollo. He and his friends took everything. You allowed yourself to be blinded by the fact that he was another kid, someone you thought you could help. But instead, he took advantage of your kindness.

It takes everything in you to hide your shock. You can’t let Sumi see your own pain and disappointment. Instead, you swallow your anger and fear, and lie to her, thinking that protecting her from the truth is what’s best.

“Sumi,” you say, forcing a smile, trying to sound reassuring, “I bet your friends are just borrowing some food from us. Nothing to worry about. They’ll bring it back soon, okay?”

You can see the doubt in her eyes, but there’s a glimmer of hope there too. That spark—the same one she’s always had—begins to flicker. “Prove it, big sis. How do you know?”

You take a deep breath, hoping the lie doesn’t show in your eyes. “I just know, Sumi. I’ll make sure everything’s okay. I promise.”

Even though she doesn’t fully believe you, the fragile hope in her eyes is enough to make you cling to your own false reassurance. For her sake, you need to keep it together, even if it’s falling apart inside.

After Sumi had calmed down enough to be let go, you stood up, needing some space to think and to get some fresh air. You reached for the jacket you had thrown haphazardly over yourself the night before to stay warm, and as you put it on, a small white note fell from the pocket. Sumi, too absorbed in her tears, hadn’t noticed it before.

You hesitated for a moment, but your curiosity got the best of you. You unfolded the note, already knowing who it was from. It could only be one person—Chrollo.

The note read:

Y/N,I am sure you are angry, and rightfully so. It was nothing personal, of course—just my family needed it more than yours. Take this as a lesson and grow stronger from it. Never trust a stranger, no matter what they look like.Best of luck, and do take care of Sumi. Thanks again for your generosity.

As you read the words over again, the initial shock wore off, and a seething anger filled you. That bastard had taken everything—everything—because he could. And now he had the audacity to call it a lesson.

Your blood boiled. You would find him. You would make him pay.

In the midst of your fury, you didn’t notice Sumi, still sitting on the floor, glance over your shoulder and read the note with wide, curious eyes.

“Big sis? What does it say?” she asked, her head tilted, voice uncertain.

You froze for a moment, her question catching you off guard. Then, your mind raced. You knew Sumi couldn’t read—something that, under normal circumstances, would be a problem. But today, it was a relief. More than anything, you wanted to preserve that spark of joy in her eyes, to keep her from losing that innocence and hope.

With a forced smile, you turned to face her and lied through your teeth.

“Oh, it’s just a letter from your friends. They’re gathering more food and are going to bring it to share with us.”

At your words, Sumi’s face brightened. The sadness left her eyes, and joy returned to her expression as she beamed up at you. “Really, big sis? That’s great!”

You nodded, offering her a reassuring smile, though inside, your mind was still spinning with your plan for revenge. Sumi spent the rest of the day telling you about the shows and how amazing they were. You listened, but your thoughts were elsewhere, planning the next steps, knowing full well that your reality wasn’t one that relied on hopes and miracles. You would have to be ruthless to survive in this world—and you would.

Meteor City – Residential Area, 1995

Years later, you found yourself standing once again among the scraps of Meteor City, holding a small yellow daffodil. You gazed down at the modest grave, an unreadable expression on your face. Deep inside, though, the wound was still open and raw. The stone atop the grave was crudely carved with the name Sumi. Her grave was one of the few places in this wasteland where life seemed to thrive—a small patch of grass and flowers growing amidst the decay.

You offered a faint, sad smile, thinking that even in death, Sumi brought hope and life wherever she was.

Your mind wandered back to that brutal winter in 1984 when you lost your little sister. After the Phantom Troupe stole everything—your food, your money—you were left with nothing. For months, you scavenged, but it was never enough. The freezing nights and lack of food took a toll, and Sumi grew terribly ill. You searched high and low for medicine, anything that could save her, but the world wouldn’t help two poor kids from Meteor City. Every time you tried, you were chased away or kicked out.

As the weeks dragged on, one night Sumi’s fever spiked too high. You held her until she fell asleep, but then you heard it—those final, shallow breaths. That’s when you knew. Your sister was gone.

Now, standing over her grave, you reached into the satchel you carried and pulled out three items: a ticket to a masquerade ball, a key, and new identification papers. These were the tools you’d carefully acquired through a contact to forge a new identity—a whole new life in Yorknew City. They were your tickets to escape Meteor City, to avenge Sumi, and to strike at the heart of the Phantom Troupe. You couldn’t let them know who you truly were.

You had devoted your life to this, to rebuilding yourself and taking them down—especially Chrollo. He was the one responsible for her death. It was all for greed. But that was going to end now.

Looking once more at Sumi’s grave, you made a vow, your voice firm and steady.

“Sumi, I swear I’ll come back once the debt’s been repaid. After all, we’ve got a score to settle.”

With that, you turned away and walked towards the tinted car that waited to take you to the next step in your journey. The road ahead was long, but it was one you would walk with purpose. Chrollo Lucilfer—the leader of the Phantom Troupe—had no idea what was coming for him. You would make him pay, and you would not stop until you did.

[guppygiggles]

Trying to decide if I want Avery as a medical doctor or a university professor in my Sea and Sky AU… I’m honestly leaning teacher, but, um. Both have their. Charms. ////

[wickjump]

im gonna start posting fanfic recs btw whenever i find good ones. both here and my (awfully barren) 18+ account. because there are so many good fics out there with so few hits and fewer kudos and sometimes no comments period and it SUCKS because i REALLY LIKE THEM A LOT.. and i hope that by linking them here and yelling at everyone to COMMENT DAMMIT they might actually do it

seriously though any comment means a lot. most people who read a fic don’t even give a kudos. even if the fic wasn’t top tier, if you didn’t dislike it, hand over some kudos!! and if you liked it, comment!!!! even if the comment is one singular heart emoji it will be appreciated. if the comment just says “great fic!” the author will be happy. your comment doesn’t have to be this long winded gushing or analysis.

so many authors quit writing or lose motivation because the comments are few and far in between or just sometimes nonexistent. trust me when i say authors don’t care about how long or cool or smart sounding your comment is i promise!!!

i hope that mmmaybe recommending fics and telling people to comment might help fics i really like get more support maybe. and i, points at you reading this, hope that you will listen!!!at least a little….at least sum kudos….

[theresa-of-liechtenstein]

got a new laptop on sale yayy 😎 hopefully a zoom meeting will no longer threaten to wipe out my whole machine

[quinn-pop]

mtdd week day 3 - caring (pt 2)

just another night (and it's ours)

part 1

[pepperpixel]

Both love and hate the absolute DELUGE of ink a fresh sharpie unleashes onto the paper the instant it makes contact…. I have complicated feelings towards the deluge lmao

[fluentisonus]

part of the problem is that a lot of hugo's politics are really well thought out & considered & good but then some of them are like. entirely vibes-based to the point of feeling muddled & inconsistent & even straight up Bad sometimes. which is annoying

[freakwiththeknifecollection]

Years of reading and writing disapproving parent fic have come back to haunt me, as I'M now the one committing faux pas in front of my partner's uptight parents 🫠✌️