#emotional availability

[chimaeracabra]

I legit never thought I would meet anyone who can possibly love me at all the way that I want to be loved. I am glad to have been proven wrong. I love my significant other to the moon and back (and I lost that necklace they got me that says that and has a bunny on it :( omg).

[haleyincarnate]

Inspired by @thefemale

[styleandcheek]

I watched an old video of myself from 2017/2018/2019 and I thought, “wow, you were so guarded, haughty, full of this kinda too cool for school attitude,” and you realize that was just your ex bf’s personality you were chameleoning to get him to love you.

And then wow, realizing you were too scared of his rejection to be the open, vulnerable, sweet, loving, silly, fun person you are. Vulnerability is still hard for you. That judgement creeps into your mind when you show any emotion. Stay cool. Stay above it. But that’s just fear talking. That’s not even the true you.

When you’re truly chill it’s in a laid back way. You are sweet, like cover-you-in-kisses-and-baby-talk-to-your-dog sweet. A passionate and intense lover who can be very sensual and romantic. A silly goose who loves frogs and laughs really loud and analyzes everything.

When you feel safe, you’re free. When I feel safe, I’m free.

Who are you?

[the-healing-mindset]

Source: The Holistic Psychologist

[loveyourlovelysoul]

If you're willing to start any type of relationship, always remember to check in if you (and the other person) are emotionally avaiable at the moment.

Being emotionally avaiable means not wearing masks in order to get the other's validation, appreciation or love; not trying to control their feelings, but checking our own feelings (both good and bad) and not avoiding them nor hiding them (e.g. you don't ghost the other person if you tell them you like/love being around them); it means trying to communicate to find compromises in order to have our needs and wants met (same goes for the other person), not fearing the other leaving us; it means we let the other in: we are open about our fears of being hurt and disappointed (or any other fear really) that were created during our past experiences (we aren't scared of telling them about these, reaching the emotional closeness we need despite the abandonment issues and self gaslighting. Or at least try to let them -and us- know).

[januaryjamez]

" Needing all of your love. "

[autisticmind]

People often talk about the pain of people who don't like who you are, but what about the pain of thinking people would like you, if only they'd really get to know and try to understand you?

If only they'd return or initiate the effort, be not just willing but desirous to communicate and work with (rather than against or simply not at all with) you.

If only they'd care and show it.

[aashiquidreams]

Source: unknown

[mldigitalart]

Sometimes life leads to moments where the healthiest thing you can do is to let go of that (relationship, job, fill in the blank) that is no longer serving you. Part of self-awareness and doing healing/trauma work is identifying patterns and behaviors that don't support your well-being or connect to your highest self. There is always choice in moving on and deciding you deserve better (from yourself, a partner, a place, a thing, etc) 💖🌺🌿

[boi-muppet]

On Today's Menu: Gaslighting

On today's episode of #datinginmy30s we discuss gaslighting. Buckle in because this one can give ya whiplash.

---

The Sunday before last I meet up with a new human - we'll call him The PODling. We meet for coffee at 12 and proceed to walk around this adorable harbor town for SEVEN AND A HALF HOURS. At no point was this man trapped and I even asked a few times if he'd like to hit up another spot or part ways for the day. This point will be valid later. After, I text and say I had a great time, would love to see him again, AND that I was too chicken to ask if I could kiss him. He said Tuesday works and that he would have said yes FYI.

Monday we proceed to text a bit where we say nice things and he tells me that he's distracted at work daydreaming about our walk together etc etc. and what wine he will bring over the next day. He also tells me that he told his housemates (POD) about me and that they want to meet me. I said it was up to him...to which he said "Hopefully sooner rather than later" and suggested Thursday. Sure.

Tuesday comes around and he shows up, we have dinner, we get cuddly and do some making out. At SEVERAL points I draw attention to the time as he wakes up super early for work. He says - and I quote "No. I'm an adult and I want to keep doing what we are doing here." Great. You got it bud. I was not upset as he had shown himself to be a solid kisser.

Wednesday he tells me that he wore the shirt to work that he wore to see me the night before because it smells like me...and that it made his day better. He also calls me amazing and a variety of other sweet things.

Thursday I get to his place. He's cuddly, and affectionate physically and verbally. Imeet his housemates for a little about an hour and then him and I do some sexy/flirty things for the rest of the night. He tells me he likes me a fuck ton and that this has gone faster than he expected. I very openly ask if he wants to slow down/back off to which he says "Absolutely not." I stay the night because it was late and an hour's drive home.

Friday *BOOM*. Something has changed. He's not as responsive, is being odd, and is just different. To be honest, I get solid flashbacks of my ex and I'm really not jazzed. I give him a 50/50 chance that he'll run away by the end of the weekend.

Saturday I am running around on errands and he is doing housework with his POD. He sends me pics and includes me in his day. Ok great. Later that night they all start drinking and apparently talk about me. Keep in mind at this point I have seen him three times and met most of them for less than 60 minutes. They are discussing my 'top energy.' This is weird for me but I will discuss that later. He tells me that they all like me and that they would love to have me around. Great. What about you bud? He basically says that it has happened faster and sooner than he was expecting and that he'd like to slow down. All good by me bud

He gives a few more comments that get odd about how he wasn't expecting me to be so "overwhelmingly forthright with complements." Bud, I told you I liked you and you asked me to elaborate. SO I DID. What were you expecting? Lies? For me to be an ass?

Then he said something about planning vacations together - duder...I'm going on vacation with or without you. I offered you to MAYBE one and we even decided that wasn't a great plan so that isn't happening. What's your deal? I get a few more of these and finally decide to tell him that I just thought we were excited about each other. That's as far as I had gone.

His response "I am sure that I was just riding your high. You were so excited about me that I wanted to match it. You even commented on how I wasn't excited"

I said no such thing. Are you REALLY trying to tell me that this is all in my head?

Buddy, I was born at night but it wasn't last night. That's gaslighting. If you wanted to go slower or were scared of your feelings, fine, but don't go trying to make me think I'm crazy and made it all up instead of facing your own shit.

[thixcy]

[ahealthiermind]

How to Be More Emotionally Available (And Why It’s So Important)

[windsails]

i am so proud of myself for becoming emotionally available again but then all of a sudden i got super depressed and remembered “oh yeah i couldnt feel this when i was emotionally unavailable” but now i can. so i guess anguish is the price of emotional availability. i hope it pays off big time soon. i will say…i definitely prefer depression to feeling nothing. even though it feels bad, it’s still like…a huge improvement

[the-healing-mindset]

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A post shared by Mathew Martorana (@motivationmat)

I dealt with this in a situationship that I had the misfortune of getting into during May and June. The other person acted as if just having a basic conversation about their day or something that they had brought up in the past was an issue.

For me, having a conversation is a basic need of mine. The two of us eventually had a pretty harsh falling-out and now we don't talk anymore. That's for the best.

Don't let someone minimize and discard your needs. If they can't meet your needs, it's possible that they do not belong in your life.

[cultural-derealization]

Vulnerability is not a weakness; it’s a strength that brings you closer. It’s about building a meaningful connection with your partner through mutual vulnerability. BE OPEN ABOUT YOUR FEELINGS & FEARS. Allow yourself to be emotionally available, emotionally open, emotionally vulnerable with your partner & for your partner. Make room for love through emotional mutual openness & vulnerability.

🤯💥

[neptunejheart]

Emotional availability is so important for healthy relationships.