#ellana meta
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One of my favorite things about writing Ellana and Solas's dynamic in The World Was Wide Enough is absolutely that she is just taking advantage of the chance to ask him a million questions. Homegirl sees that dialogue tree and is like "I will be exhausting every one of these, thank you" just like she did in Inquisition. I love that for me it is both a callback to the actual game design of DA:I and what Solas canonically, mechanically appreciates in a player character (getting asked questions) and also just consistent for who Ellana is as a person and what she loves about Solas - just talking to him, hearing his perspectives and experiences, taking it all in. And he loves that she gives him a chance to be Wisdom again.
#hey i know it's 6am but i'd like to know more about your past lovers#cool? cool.#also just that she will start asking shit with very little preamble because it's who she is#I was trying to figure out how to get to a question I knew I wanted her to ask him and wasn't sure what the lead in could be#and then I realized “you know what?” she would just straight up ask him this lol#beach writes#ellana meta
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Something I always see Solavellans bringing up when they talk about Solas' development over his time with the Inquisition is that he became more flexible, learning about friendship and love. But I always think about how this was also true for Lavellan, at least in my headcanon.
I imagine Ellana being prepared to be the keeper of her clan. Listening over the years to stories about her gods and her past, about Arlathan, about everything that should be passed on by her to the next generations. Being prepared to be a leader, firm but kind. Being prepared to be fair, but to weigh the consequences of her actions. A little alienated, even, from "mundane" things like passions and frivolities of life. The life of the Dalish is hard and does not have much room for such; something she gradually left behind in her youth.
During the Inquisition, she also learns. She learns about the real weight of her decisions in people's lives. She learns about sharing it with other people. She learns about the suffering and pain of other people besides the Dalish. And, more particularly, she learns to question her own views - with Solas and his stories about "the Fade". About how everything she has learned may have other facets. She also learns more about flexibility. And she learns about herself. About wanting someone and loving someone, about a connection different from the ones she has allowed herself to have until now.
In the ten years between the disbandment of the Inquisition and the reunion, she ponders. She learns more about what Solas saw. She immerses herself in Elvhen language and observes all the nuances he presented to her, and that materialized in front of her in the Temple of Mythal. She observes the society of Thedas as a whole and participates in decisions that affect more than her clan. And, even more, she thinks about the reunion. She thinks about what would have been if he had stayed. If he were still by her side, building a change little by little, instead of the rupture he planned. Instead of being a martyr, she allows herself to share the weight of these decisions as she has learned to do. I see some criticism saying that their relationship is weird because it feels like she's been passively waiting for him for 10 years, but that seems to me to ignore what 10 years can do in terms of someone maturing, but not necessarily in terms of changing something that's felt so deeply.
This makes me feel like their reunion and vows in Elvhen are even more special for both of them. They're not just something that should have happened years ago. They're a portrait of their growing up…and their love for each other.
#solavellan#my ocs#ellana lavellan#lavellan#solavellan hell#dragon age#dragon age inquisition#dragon age inquisition: trespasser#solas#lavellan meta#dragon age veilguard#veilguard spoilers
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Being the nerd I am, I have a spreadsheet for my characters. I started creating this too late, sadly, and am missing a couple, but I have most of them recorded.
Total hours played across Dragon Age is 1,751.95, the bulk of which are in DAI (1,016.53) where I have 17 active inquisitors, plus a dozen or so on the cutting room floor.
But DAV has already surpassed DAO & DA2 combined, both for active characters (10 combined, though many more planned, rolled up, & cut) and time (341.41 combined) with all 10 available slots filled (and 4 on the cutting room floor), plus one run completed and archived and 394 hours in as of 2025/01/09.
Though I have no idea how I’d calculate the number of hours spent reading & poring over lore & meta outside of the games. Heh.
Speaking of… does anyone have a PDF of the DAV Codex yet?
DAO: Fenorain "Surana", Ruth Tabris, Aravunlea "Surana", Sereda Aeducan, Blancmange Cousland, Parthren Brosca, Elithnehn Mahariel
DA2: Praxis, Belle, Cara
DAI: Evelyn Trevelyan, Elanor Lavellan, Aviselan Lavellan, Geoff Trevelyan, Aoifa Trevelyan, Beresaad Adaar, Evuniala Lavellan, Alulya Lavellan, Elgadir Lavellan, Elizabeth Trevelyan, 3velen Trevelyan, Kerev Cadash, Elanor2 Lavellan, Ellana Lavellan, The Onyx Auroch, Lace Cadash, Aelinor Lavellan
DAV: Revas, Sofia DeRiva, Sabrina Mercar, Beshak Thorne, Sivu Laidir, Eabha Ingellvar, Ivy Laidir, Lorant Thorne, Recorda Ingellvar, Adrocer Mercar (plus Halais Aldwir who's files are safely saved)
Ask me about any of them!
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During Inquisition? 27
"Now," as in during the most recent thing I wrote for her timeline? About 60, I think
How old is your inquisitor?
Comment or write in the tags~
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Fanfic Writers Appreciation Day
Ink’s Fic Recs
I’ve always wanted to be more supportive of the other creators in the fandom but I’m a slow reader and I have a shit memory. I can’t remember who writes what, what OC belongs to who, or if I’ve read something already. I decided to start tracking the works I was reading as a draft, just for my own reference, so I can participate in ask memes and stuff. But apparently it’s Fic Writer’s Appreciation Day, so I thought I’d share it!
This is no where near a complete list of fic I’ve read or enjoyed, just what I’ve read since I started doing this. I will continue to update it as I read. If you’re a mutual and/or someone who reads my fics please reach out and tell me to read your stuff if you’re not on this list!!
Also I just FINALLY got my AO3 subscription emails to work correctly, so hopefully I can actually start keeping up.
The vast majority of these will be Solavellan.
@blarfkey AO3 Solas/Ellana Lavellan Dear Fen’Harel is the cutest damn thing. It’s supposed to be inspired by Dear Daddy Long Legs? Which I can only assume is cuter than it sounds, based on this fic. It’s not quite done, but getting close. There’s a museum date chapter that’s to die for.
@broomclosetkink AO3 Solas/Ellana Lavellan and Solas/Harea Lavellan I think this was the first Solavellan fic I ever read, and I’ve gone back to it a dozen times. I was frustrated with the relationship in game and had to google where people did fanfiction these days. NSFT, because that’s definitely was I was looking for at the time x.x
@ellstersmash AO3 Solas/Athi Lavellan I’ve only read one of fics so far but it was lovely! Some big Solavellan angst simmered down to give you just as much pain in smaller word counts lol. Great characterization of Solas, and Athi is very fierce.
@elveny AO3 Solas/Lyssa Lavellan (born in an alienage) Her Spark of Hope timeline covers Lyssa’s life from early childhood up to and including Trespasser, and honestly of all the fics I’ve read I think this is the most I’ve ever felt connected with the author through the work. What she chooses to touch or focus on reminds me so much of my own experience in the fandom.
@bardinhightown AO3 Solas/Naia Lavellan A very cute Beauty and the Beast AU set in France, called La Belle et La Bête and set in France. Not quite complete, but almost there. I really like the interpretation of the curse. I think the Lavellans count as human in this one? Open to interpretation I suppose.
@keturagh AO3 Solas/Pangara Lavellan Ket (frequently blamed) is working on a big Lore Meta I’m majorly looking forward to. In the mean time, they have many small fics covering the course of Pangara and Solas’ relationship, from domestic to kinky AF, through the Inquisition timeline.
@luzial AO3 Solas/Ellana Lavellan I powered through Luzial’s (and Maerisk’s) Overgrown faster than I’ve read anything in a long time. Ellana is a reporter and Solas is her expert consultant. No where near complete if I had to guess, but you gotta love a fic with both Enemies to Lovers AND Fake Dating.
@roguelioness tumblr AO3 Solas/Samarra Bayart, Solas/Thalia and Elise/Cullen A Whole New World is a longfic of a modern woman falling into Thedas, with dark!Solas. Very long, and more to come. For Goodness Bakes is absolutely adorable. She’s also got some Cullen/Trevelyan and some Krem/Maryden.
@thevikingwoman tumblr AO3 Solas/Iwyn Lavellan One of my best friends in the fandom, Viking has dozens of drabbles, perfect bite size pieces of friendship or romance for when you just need a moment to unwind. She’s got a very gentle Solavellan fix it I recommend. Iwyn is a dom can be found in canon, modern AU, or the ice skating AU!
#I'm sorry the list is so short#I love you all#to be continued#master post#redink reading recs#If you've read my fics I want to return the favor#please self promote
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From the "Fun meta asks for writers" - 1, 2, and one of your choice! <3
Thank you Holly! Sorry it took so long.
1. Tell us about your current project(s) – what’s it about, how’s progress, what do you love most about it?
Well for DA I have plans on finishing my modern college AU fic Dear Fen'harel, which I feel like is this fic most people know me for, lol It's been like four years since I started it and it's so close! I would have finished it earlier if it hadn't been for this school year honestly.
I also want to finish up my Solas/Cadash fic, Thick as Thieves because that one is getting close too and I've been dying to write the sequel for it for a long time.
Then I have my TFA AU Reylo fic that has been sitting for so long people have been asking me if its abandoned >.> In this one, Rey leaves Jakku before TFA to work as a technician and she keeps getting dragged into cleaning up the messes Kylo Ren makes in his temper tantrums while she befriends an unmasked Kylo, having no idea who he is.
And THEN I have my "Goblin fic" as my friends call it, which is fic for an obscure book series called The Hollow Kingdom where the protagonist has to fight off a Goblin king who intends to kidnap and marry her. Spoiler alert -- it's very enemies to lovers and they do get married and the fic is an insight to the early days of their marriage.
2. Tell us about what you’re most looking forward to writing – in your current project, or a future project
I am DYING to finish Dear Fen'harel, now that we are finally at the point where all the juicy reveals are going to happen. I've been waiting for this moment for like FIVE YEARS.
18. (My choice!) Do any of your stories have alternative versions? (plotlines that you abandoned, AUs of your own work, different characterisations?) Tell us about them.
Dear Fen'harel has a few, lol. I have written some absolute filth for Zevran and Ellana because I got blindsided by their chemistry even though they aren't supposed to get together at all, ooops. That's called Something Good Can Work.
There is an AU for Ellana/Abelas where she house sits for Solas and Abelas crashes the party because he lost his job and is bumming off Solas now. They have only a handful of scenes together in DF but I've always enjyoed writing their subtle kinship being two Dalish elves alone and away from home, despite their very obvious differences.
And I really want to write out an AU for Solas/Dorian because I also got hooked in their friendship and shared history in this fic.
Thick as Thieves has a high school AU that I wrote and loved that kind of spawned an ot4 with @cartadwarfwithaheartofgold's Maria and Varric that exists exclusively in a google doc that I also write in when I'm bored.
#ask meme#dear fenharel#thick as thieves#solavellan#reylo#code ren#the hollow kingdom#marak sixfinger#clare dunkle#kate/marak#soladash#solas/cadash#my fic
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Titre: D’un Monde à l’Autre Série: La Quête d’Ewilan, #1 Auteur: Pierre Bottero Date de publication: 2003
[Relecture] Commencé le: 09/01/2018 Fini le: 10/01/2018
Première phrase: “Camille était âgée exactement de quatre mille neuf cents jours, soit un peu plus de treize ans, la première fois qu’elle effectua “le pas sur le côté”.” Dernière phrase: “Dans la ruelle, il n’y avait plus personne.” Phrase préférée: “Camille se redressa. Un seul et immense cercle noir occupait tout l’espace du pan de velour blanc.”
Résumé: Camille est une jeune adolescente habitant chez une famille adoptive très froide avec elle, et dont le meilleur ami, Salim, est un garçon vivant dans une cité dont la famille ne se soucie guerre. Un jour, alors qu’elle est sur le point d’être renversée par un camion, elle se téléporte dans un autre monde... Après être revenue dans son monde, elle se fait attaquer par des monstres et se téléporte de nouveau, cette fois accompagnée de Salim. Ils ne tardent pas à comprendre qu’ils sont dans un autre monde, Gwendalavir. Là, ils rencontrent Edwin, le meilleur guerrier du royaume, qui les amène chez Duom Nil’ Erg, un analyste qui découvre que Camille est une Dessinatrice d’immense talent. En Gwendalavir, certaines personnes peuvent utiliser l’Imagination pour Dessiner, c’est à dire rendre réelle ce qu’elles veulent, ou encore se téléporter. Camille découvre qu’elle est originaire de Gwendalavir, que son vrai nom est Ewilan Gil’ Sayan, et que ses deux parents, Élicia et Altan, étaient deux Dessinateurs très puissants qui ont disparu 7 ans auparavant. La petite troupe se meta en route, accompagnée du chevalier Bjorn, du soldat Maniel et, plus tard, de la Marchombre Ellana, pour se rendre dans la capitale du royaume afin de protéger Ewilan. En effet, le royaume est en guerre, et les pouvoirs d’Ewilan semblent être la clef de la victoire! Mais Ewilan est jeune, trop jeune, et ses compagnons veulent qu’elle aille chercher son frère ainé dans notre monde pour qu’il puisse aider le royaume au mieux. Voici Ewilan et Salim revenus sur Terre et menant une enquête pour retrouver le mystérieux frère, Akiro. Après de nouvelles péripéties, et avec un Mercenaire du Chaos à leurs trousses, ils trouvent enfin Akiro mais il s’avère que son pouvoir est extrêmement faible, puisqu’il peut seulement changer les couleurs de dessins... Il refuse de rentrer avec eux en Gwendalavir, expliquand qu’il a déjà des parents aimants et une vie bien remplie sur Terre.
Mon avis: Pierre Bottero était l’un des auteurs les plus importants de mon adolescence, et relire ce livre après tant d’années fut un voyage plein d’émotions! J’adore les histoires de Gwendalavir, et j’avais l’impression de redécouvrir un vieil ami, me souvenant des évènements et des blagues juste avant de les re-découvrir. C’était aussi une lecture empreinte de nostalgie, de tristesse à l’idée que la plume de Pierre Bottero s’est reposée à jamais, mais aussi de joie car j’ai eu la chance de connaître cet auteur extraordinaire de son vivant et que le relire me rappelait sans cesse nos quelques conversations. En commençant ce livre, j’avais un peu peur d’être déçue comme on l’est parfois par des livres en les réouvrant des années après en être tombées amoureuses... Au contraire, je l’ai adoré comme toujours: les personnages sont vibrants (et diverts!), le monde fascinant, et les blagues toujours drôles! J’ai hâte de lire la suite!
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Roleplayer
Modern AU where Solas and Lavellan are grad students who get pulled into Varric's tabletop roleplay campaign in which they play themselves from Dragon Age: Inquisition. Fluff, angst, and meta ensues.
If you’ve enjoyed Solas Romance D&D, it’s a fanfic now.
Fanfiction.net ArchiveOfOurOwn [Ch 2]
If her tall beautiful ears don't give her away, the vallaslin on her face certainly does: elven, Dalish.
Her chocolate eyes meet his, and she waves at him from the checkout line. He smiles and joins her, blocking out the stares and whispers from the humans around them. Perhaps it was naive of him to think after their first term at the University of Orlais the humans would have gotten over the token elves.
She gives him an enthusiastic one-armed hug. “It's so good to finally be meeting you properly.”
“It is,” he agrees as he pulls back. “Strange we haven't done so before now.”
“We've passed each other enough times in the Magical Studies building, you'd think we would have.”
They move up in the line and place their orders at the campus bagel sandwich restaurant. She orders something with turkey and pesto on an everything bagel. He goes for smoked salmon on pumpernickel.
“So how do you know Varric?” she asks as they wait.
“We were sponsored together. Dr Pentaghast scheduled our campus visits on the same day to lighten her schedule.”
She gives a laugh. “That sounds like her.”
He hesitates for a moment, not wanting to come off crass. “I heard your application was accepted late.”
She shakes her head. “No, my application was sent on time. I just couldn't choose an area of study. That's why my sponsorship was late.”
He cocks his head. “What were you having trouble deciding between?”
She drops her gaze to the floor. “Oh… so much...”
Their orders are ready. They take their wrapped sandwiches to a tall table where they sit and eat.
“I really was interested,” he tells her.
She chews slowly, like she isn't certain if she should share. “Well… I'm interested in magical practices with origins that have been attributed elsewhere but which certain evidence suggest may have originated with elves.”
“A worthy pursuit,” he says, hoping his approval comes through in his voice. “Difficult to research, I'd imagine.”
She nods. “Especially when so much of our history has been lost.” She glances around to make sure no one's eaves dropping on them and leans toward him so she can drop her voice. “And we have to rely on what was recorded by human historians.”
He nods. He's well aware of the struggle. “So what specific area did you choose?”
“Chantry magical practices.”
His eyebrows shoot upward. “Quite controversial.”
“Yeah,” she says. “I imagine that's why I was chosen over other applicants. Dr Pentaghast liked the idea, said that we must pursue the truth no matter how unpopular.” She sighs. “But it hasn't been easy to research. I may have to change my thesis.”
“I wish I could help,” he says.
“What about you?” she asks. “What are you studying?”
“The veil and it's disruptive properties in regards to harmonic vibrations.”
She blinks and stares at him. “You mean… what does that mean?”
“I mean, both reality and the fade contain harmonic properties and the veil acts as a sound barrier between the two.”
“Interesting.” She continues to stare at him, then shakes her head. “I've never head of such a thing.”
“It's a personal theory.”
“Have you… had much success in researching?”
“Some. Not as much as I would prefer.” He looks down at his watch. “We should probably start walking.”
They throw their sandwich wrappers away and leave the building to head down the campus sidewalks toward the university apartments. They each carry a coffee cup in their hand.
“How did you meet Varric?” Solas asks.
She laughs. “He came up to me my first day, said he wanted to meet the 'other elf,' and then… I don't know. He just kept talking, and… at some point we were friends.”
Solas chuckles. “That is how Varric makes most of his friends, I imagine.”
“So why did you agree to this whole… romance campaign?”
“I owe Varric a favor. You?”
“He's my friend,” she says. “I figured it didn't hurt to help him with his thesis, especially when I'm getting nowhere with mine.” She sighs.
He stares at her. There's a soft beauty to the way her dark hair lays against her olive skin. All those days passing her in the hall… He's not sure when exactly he started seeing past the vallaslin or what had made him want to get to know her. And then he'd felt like too much of an awkward idiot to finally say hello after he'd put it off for so long.
She notices him looking at her, and he averts his eyes.
“You know,” she says, “You can tell a lot about a person by the type of coffee they drink.”
He laughs. “Oh, really? And have you learned this from personal observation or an infograph on the internet?”
“A bit of both,” she admits. “One can use the infograph as a base and draw one's own conclusions.”
“Very well, I'm intrigued. What does your coffee of choice say about you?”
“It's espresso,” she tells him. “It means I'm friendly, adaptive, and I like the taste of coffee.”
“I see.” He studies her with his eyes. “The Dalish don't make coffee, which means you've picked up a taste for it during your studies. Adaptive indeed.”
“And what did you order?” she asks.
He smiles. “It's hot chocolate.”
She laughs.
“So what do your keen observational skills have to say about my drink of choice?”
She ponders for a moment. “You like what you like and don't apologize for it. And you��� take joy in the simple things others may overlook… And you don't like the taste of coffee. Does that sound accurate?”
It does, actually. “I...” He slows in his walk until coming to a stop. She stops with him, and he shakes his head. “You are not what I expected.”
Her lips twitch into a smile. “What did you expect?”
“I've…” He looks away from her, hoping this won't come out as bad as it sounds in his mind. “Not had the most pleasant encounters with the Dalish.”
Her smile drops, and his heart falls into his stomach. “What is that supposed to mean?”
“I didn't mean to offend,” he tires. “I just… most Dalish would not have left their clans to study at university, for example.”
The hurt dies from her eyes, but she chews on her lip. “That is… true.” Then she looks at him directly, her face full of determination. “I choose to pursue an education because… because if you don't widen your horizon beyond your personal zone of knowledge, how can you ever learn anything new?”
He is stunned, both by her admission and by her offense. “That is a rare view among most of Thedas,” he tells her. “Let alone the Dalish.”
She puts a hand on her hip. “Have my people wronged you in some way?”
“I offered to share knowledge. They were not very welcoming.”
“We take our duty to preserving the ancient ways very seriously.”
“So I gathered.”
She cocks her head. “What knowledge were you wishing to share?”
“Ancient secrets I have discovered in the Fade.”
She nearly drops her coffee twice, fumbling to keep her grip on it. She stares at him with wide eyes. “You're… you're a dreamer.”
He can only smile at her.
She bows her head. “I… mistook you for an…” She mumbles the last part. “Ignorant city elf.”
He gives a laugh. “Now that we've identified our prejudices, shall we start over?”
She lifts her head. “Yes, please.”
He holds out his hand. “Solas.”
“Mithra.”
They shake hands, and he holds hers for a moment as he translates her name. “Sharp as cutting edge.”
She raises her eyebrows. “Pride.”
They stare at each other for a moment, then let go and carry on toward Varric's.
Solas knocks on the door, and Varric answers.
“H-hey! The party's here!” He steps aside to let them in.
The front door opens into a hall, which leads passed the kitchen and into the dinning and living area. Varric's most likely the only person with enough influence and money to live on campus without a roommate. Solas has no idea what he does with the unoccupied bedroom, if he utilizes it at all.
“I want to thank you both again for agreeing to do this,” Varric says as they take a seat at the table.
“Your Chair actually recommended this?” Mithra asks.
Varric shrugs. “What could provide a better example than in-person roleplay? And by running the campaign, I have an objective view and can take notes on what works and what doesn't.”
“Why bother revising Swords & Shields?” asks Solas. “Why not just write new stories?”
Varric glares at him. “Publishing is all about sales, my friend. And if my publisher wants proof I can sell more romance, then by the Maker, I'm going to sell more romance.”
Varric claps his hands together as they pull out their character sheets. “So why don't you introduce your characters to each other?”
Mithra goes first. “Ellana is Dalish. Her clan is friendly with humans, and she comes near the conclave to hear about the outcome and determine how it may effect her people.”
“Fen is a Dreamer hedgemage,” Solas explains. “He approaches the conclave also in the hopes of hearing news.”
“Okay,” says Varric. “You both went a little more literal when I suggested you base your characters off yourselves, but that's fine. I can work with that.”
The campaign starts off as expected, battling demons and closing rifts. But Varric quickly steers the campaign into developing the relationship between their characters.
“You change everything.”
Mithra smiles at him.
“Roll a will save not to kiss her,” says Varric.
Solas rolls the die, and it comes up with a 20.
“You are totally safe from kissing her.”
Solas leans back and puts his hands behind his head.
Across the table from him, the corner of Mithra's mouth curves into a smirk.
She turns to Varric. “I kiss him.”
“Okay. Solas, roll another will save.”
He rolls, and the die shows 1. Varric laughs.
“What does that mean?”
“It means, Chuckles, not only do you fail at not kissing her, you spectacularly fail.”
“So…?”
“So what else does Fen want to do besides kiss her?”
He glances at Mithra who raises her eyebrows. Her smile spreads.
He adverts his gaze. “I, uh, he… I guess… pulls her close so their hips come together.”
Varric raises an eyebrow. “Anything else?”
He can't look at Mithra at all. “And… slides his thigh between her legs.”
Mithra laughs. Solas shields his face with his hand in an attempt to hide his embarrassment.
“And how does Ellana feel about this?”
“She's surprised… pleasantly.”
Solas chokes and tries to make it sound like a cough.
“Okay,” says Varric. “I think you two have given me plenty of material.”
Solas peeks between his fingers. He hopes he hasn't turned red; Mithra's gone pink in her cheeks.
“Varric, can I use your bathroom?” she asks.
He points down the hall. “First door on your right.”
She leaves. Solas lets out a breath he hadn't realized he was holding and lowers his hand.
“Smooth,” says Varric.
“You kind of put me on the spot.”
Varric holds up his hands. “That's the way the dice roll, Chuckles.” He breaks down his game master screen and puts his dice away. “And if you don't mind my saying, there's clearly some chemistry going on, and it's not all one-sided.”
“You actually think so?”
Varric stares at him. “Just buy the girl dinner and take her out to a movie like a normal person.”
“It's not that simple,” Solas tells him.
“Of course it's not. Asking someone out is never simple. You just do it.”
“I'll think about it.”
Varric groans. “Look, I see where you're coming from with your character. And that's good storytelling, increases the tension. But it's not like you're actually Fen'Harel and you have some sacred duty you're hiding from everyone.”
Solas gives a laugh. “Hardly.”
“Then what is your problem?”
“A mystery for the ages,” Solas mutters.
“What?”
“Just something my roommate says.”
Varric points a pencil at him. “Listen, I had a roommate in undergrad – another broody elf like yourself – and it took him three damn years to go after the girl. Don't do that, okay? I don't feel like reliving it.”
Solas stands. “Good thing for you grad school takes less years.” He doesn't stay to catch Varric's reaction.
He and Mithra walk together from Varric's, back down the campus sidewalks. Dusk has fallen.
“So, Fen'Harel, huh?”
Solas sucks in a breath. Did she overhear his and Varric's entire conversation?
“Varric told me your character's backstory,” she explains. “He wanted to make sure I wouldn't be offended.”
“Oh.” He lets the breath out slowly. “Good, uh, are you? Okay with it, I mean.”
She shrugs. “It's an interesting concept. Why Fen'Harel, though?”
“Just some remnants I found in the Fade. I'm inclined to believe in ancient times harel meant rebel, not traitor.”
“Really?”
“Just from my own observations. I'm afraid I'm not a linguist.”
She stops walking. “So, you're saying, Fen'harel's story – the real one, the one the Dalish know – might be different?”
“Maybe?” He shrugs. “The thought was intriguing enough to inspire the character, but as far historical accuracy, I'm afraid...”
She stares at him for several seconds.
“Is something wrong, Lethallan?”
She shakes her head, more to pull herself out of her trance than in answer. “It's just… your dreaming, everything you must have seen... Were my people really so uninterested in sharing knowledge?” Her eyebrows are drawn together, her lips down turned, confused, distraught.
“Well.” He takes a step forward, encouraging her to follow. “Think of it this way. Here you are at university. You've come to discover new knowledge. Naturally, you'd be more open minded. Whereas I approached the Dalish in the woods where they are notoriously suspicious of outsiders. And as at first glance I appear to be nothing more than an ignorant city elf–”
“I really didn't–”
“I used your term only to clarify the situation, nothing more.”
She stops walking again, her gaze on the ground.
“I would not dwell on it,” he tells her. “For everything I've faulted the Dalish for, you are here.”
She looks up at him, her eyes shinning.
“It has been a long time since anyone cared to listen.”
She smiles, then steps forward and takes his arm. “I would love to hear about everything you've seen in the Fade.”
He laughs. “I'm afraid that would take more time than we have to reach the parking lot. But if you can think of something specific...”
She doesn't say anything, not for a while.
“Have you... done that before?”
He has no idea what she's talking about. “Done what?”
“The whole thigh riding thing.”
He chokes on his own saliva, disentangles himself from her, and dissolves into a fit of coughing. Her laughter fills his ears.
“You don't have to answer that,” she tells him once he's able to properly draw air into his lungs.
If he wasn't red before, he's sure he is now. He runs a hand over his face and around to the back of his neck. “I... uh...”
She clasps his arm again. “You don't have to answer.” He's not sure by her tone if she doesn't want to know or if she's trying to save face on his behalf.
But she doesn't let go of his arm until they reach her car, and he's fine with that.
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I finished my retelling of Veilguard through Ellana's eyes and my god, I think the weight of the ending finally hit me. I got teary-eyed writing it in a way I didn't while playing it. Now it actually feels like her ending.
If anyone wants to get into my feels with me, the two poems I reread as I wrote the final section are "An Irish Airman foresees his Death" by William Butler Yeats and "Invictus" by William Ernest Henley. The Yeats poem in particular has been important to my characterization of Ellana at turning points in the other journeys I have written about her over the years (particularly at the climax of in Awakened).
#i'm so emotional#it was such whiplash to have to walk away from the computer and go care for my 4 year old hahaha#a joy of course#but man#to see ellana reach the end of this version of her journey#it's an honor to be there as silly as it sounds for something I literally created#but my best characters always feel like they live outside of me in a way#and I just get the privilege of following them#and ellana is absolutely that for me#and now to write the next journey for her#beach speaks#beach writes#ellana meta#ellana lavellan#da:v spoilers#da4 spoilers#datv spoilers#veilguard spoilers
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GUYS for like literally over a year now I have wanted to write a mini-fic exploring the summer Ellana turns 16, loses her parents, gets her vallaslin and gets married, and then loses her husband. Basically the summer she becomes who she is because she has to grow up.
And I have ALL THESE SCENES PLAYING IN MY HEAD AND I CAN’T WRITE THEM DOWN YET but basically imagine teenage Ellana getting into fights with other teenagers in the clan, being Angsty and Grumpy and feeling like she doesn’t fit in and her parents don’t get her, resenting that they will never tell her about their life in the Ostwick alienage and wondering if she would fit in better there than with Clan Lavellan
And one fight gets bad enough (the kid is picking on her for being dark-skinned, curly-haired, for having Andrastian parents, and she breaks his nose) that one of the hahrens hauls her by her ear to the Keeper and Ellana is expecting to be punished until the next Arlathvhen but the Keeper is in an aravel with a sick family and his own skin is ashen with fear and he barely even reprimands her
And over the next few days it becomes apparent that a terrible illness is affecting large numbers of her clanmates, and people are dying in agony, and suddenly all those feelings of not fitting in don’t matter because this is her home, her family, and she is terrified of what is happening but can’t do anything about it
And then it comes for her parents - for the quiet father and the strict mother she had so recently been fighting with everyday - and she feels like she will never breathe right again without them
And then it comes for the Keeper who had always been so impatient with her difficulty learning to read, who told her she was stupid for not learning at the same pace as the other children, who hadn’t even wanted to let her parents into the clan in the first place, and then it comes for the First, and now it’s their Second, Deshanna, who has to take the lead, and suddenly it feels like every authority, every grown-up, every person who knew what to do, is gone - like the rest of them are all alone, helpless, in a big cruel world
And then Deshanna declares Ellana old enough for her vallaslin, old enough to go and hunt for the clan, to provide for them, because so many of their hunters are dead now, and Ellana takes June’s vallaslin to honor her parents, the crafts they made, and she realizes she has to grow up now, that none of the people in authority ever had any idea what they were doing either
And meanwhile this shy young halla keeper named Mahanon is always mooning after her, and she isn’t entirely sure what to do about that, but she thinks she likes it, thinks she likes him, and when Deshanna says that they should marry she decides it’s for the best, and he makes her smile, and for a few months at least it seems like things are on the mend, like Clan Lavellan is recovering, like she herself is recovering
And then, like that, Mahanon is dead too. One last victim of the plague that nearly got them all.
And Ellana weeps and mourns. But she also gets up. Cuts back the long curly hair that the other kids used to make fun of her for because all it does is get in the way now. Looks at her vallaslined face in the pool where she shaved. And she makes up her mind then and there to just go on, because people need her, and she will never fail them. She will live only for them, from now on.
(But there is always that part of her, isn’t there? The one that wonders what would have happened if she had run away that summer, instead, gone to Ostwick, gone to Nevarra, gone all the way to Ferelden - if she had gotten out there and seen the world, and seen herself reflected in it, instead of turning inward forever, towards her clan, away from her own feelings and needs. That wonders if she should have taken Deshanna up on her offer to find her another mate after she was done mourning Mahanon.
But she’ll have to wait 11 years to have those questions answered. For a different summer, the summer when she turns 27, when Clan Lavellan is strong again, when mages and templars are at war, and Deshanna comes to her and talks to her about a place called the Temple of Sacred Ashes in the Frostback Mountains. For the first time that Ellana looks around and thinks they don’t really need me here, after all, no one will miss me if I am gone, I have served my purpose and it’s better that I go than someone else who really matters, who really belongs here, who has never questioned whether or not they belong.
And that’s a different story entirely.)
....anyway that’s my fic for the day bye guys
#listen#i want to write ALL THE THINGS#and I have none of the time#booooooooooooooo#meta#ellana meta#about ellana#ellana lavellan
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Ellana’s Worst Self
Tagged by @thevikingwoman to take this quiz for an OC! This is a great exercise if you have never done it. It’s so important to be as familiar with your character’s worst self as with their best. (In my creative writing classes, we called it “knowing their dark” and said that it had to be clear to the reader very quickly what that character’s “dark” was.)
I’d say this was veeerrryy accurate for Ellana. She was an angry kid and picked a lot of fights when she was a teenager, before her parents died. She does not love violence but she also doesn’t necessarily lose a lot of sleep over using violence when she feels it is justified.
Let’s not forget her solution to the climax in my fic Awakened, and the fact that when she isn’t there to carry out that solution in the sad AU, things go very, very differently.
Tagging: @mistressdreadwolf, @galadrieljones, @idrelle-miocovani, @empresstress13 (is Bea similar to her cousin?), @water-whisp, @scharoux, and anyone else who wants to do this!
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I'm in an asking mood, I hope you don't mind - some theoretical 'what if's: A) What if Ellana has discovered that Solas was Fen'Harel during the Inquisition (before he broke up)? (any odd way, but somehow she figured it out, and he doesn't know she knows). B) What if Solas told the truth in Crestwood? How would Ellana react? Thank you!
Oooh, I love this! Thanks for sending it!
(Under the cut because it got long)
A) I feel like if Ellana was going to work it out at all, she’d work it out after the Temple of Mythal, but before he decides to take her to Crestwood. She might even figure it out after meeting Flemeth, which really shakes her. Ellana is essentially agnostic, having been raised by two city elf Andrastians in the midst of a very traditional Dalish clan, which was a confusing upbringing to say the least - her parents prayed to the Maker quietly in their aravel, but encouraged her to only think of herself as Dalish, but still grimaced at the idea of her taking vallaslin and dedicating herself to these ancient gods. That left her questioning all religions, honestly, since the adults in her life couldn’t seem to agree.
So, there would be no religious component to her realization, other than confusion - so was one of the religions she grew up around right after all? Ellana’s pretty blunt, so after a day or so of confused reflection, she’d just march up to Solas and ask him. I’d also assume she wouldn’t have worked out the bit about the Veil, so her questions would focus only on “how are you still alive? are the stories about you true? why didn’t you tell me?”
Where it went from there would depend on Solas’s reaction, honestly. If he doubled down and tried to lie or hide or leave, she would definitely try and stop him. If he leveled with her, she would listen. It wouldn’t become a problem until he mentioned his whole tear-down-the-Veil plan.
B) Ellana would be stunned, of course - but the first thing I imagine her saying is honestly “is this the pain you have been carrying with you all this time?” It would be a relief, almost. It would clarify her understanding of him at last. Especially if he admitted that the orb was his mistake, but he no longer wanted to tear down the Veil, and wanted to stay with her. She would just want to hold him and assure him that she loved him.
….I’m sure there would be many moments after that where she goes “what the FUCK were you thinking??” but her initial reaction would be very compassionate.
#ellana meta#this was a fun ask!#i feel kind of bad for how... nice?#ellana is to solas?#i feel like she should be harsher?#but she's a compassionate and caring and loving person at heart#and she sees firsthand how much he suffers#and she just wants that to stop#she herself feels guilty for that#for not seeing him as more of a monster#she wonders if it makes her a monster too
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So, I am part way through Awakened, and I have a sort of desperate need to know more of Ellana in Enasan, and their life there. I would love to see a little glimpse of her spending time with a friend? It seems that many of the Inquisition people are spread out and not talking, or far away like Dorian - but she must have some friendships, some people or person she spends time with? Who does she visit when Solas is not there? You can consider this a prompt or just a question as you wish.
So, this is one thing that I found very interesting about writing Ellana in her time as a politician for Enasan, and something I drew from reading about other famous people in positions of power (like American presidents) - it is almost impossible to form new friendships after your rise to fame and power. You are left constantly questioning why someone wants to befriend you, what their motives are, what they want from you. And even if their intentions are pure, chances are that they can’t understand the life you lead on a day to day basis.
That said - Ellana certainly bonds with the people she works with. She mentors Ilriane Tabris (a character who appears in Reckoning) and works well with Arlanal and other members of Enasan’s council (who all, again, don’t appear until Reckoning). But I wouldn’t call any of those friendships very - deep or emotional. For that, Ellana still turns to the people she knows best - the people who knew her before and during her rise to power.
Also, Ellana is a bit of an introvert - not full-on, like some of my characters (looking at you, Lucius), but she certainly likes her alone time and finds new people a bit draining. If Solas is gone, she’s probably spending time with Ashara, and if she’s had it with Ashara, she is probably on the crystal talking to Dorian or Bull. She’s not likely to go out seeking new friends. It does mean she’s a little isolated, but I think that’s a consequence of her personality and her position in the country she helped make.
Thank you for the ask, and for being SUCH A GOOD READER AND FRIEND OMG
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*bangs fists on the table* I need a Hamilton solas meta! Have you done this and I missed it? I think it’s such a cool idea and you’ve done some cool stuff with the idea 💕
MY FRIEND.
Thank you for giving me the excuse to do the post I have wanted to do forever and ever and ever. (It got really long. I’m sorry?)
I was deep in the depths of my Hamilton obsession (which, like Solavellan hell, is eternal) when I first played Inquisition, and at first I thought it was just the fact that I was obsessed with both that made me see so many parallels, but the more I have thought about it, the more I have thought that there are truly some fascinating connections between the two “main” characters in the musical (Alexander Hamilton and Aaron Burr) and our favorite unwashed apostate hobo, as well as the overall plot of Inquisition.
For starters, who do you think said something along these lines: I can totally fix this mistake by making a different, bigger mistake. (Okay, this one isn’t a direct quote, but listen to the song “Hurricane” and tell me it isn’t what Hamilton is saying.)
Or this: Death doesn’t discriminate / Between the sinners and the saints/ It takes and it takes and it takes / And history obliterates / Every picture it paints / It paints me in all my mistakes
Sound eerily familiar?
So, the meta that has guided my characterization of Solas pretty much since I started writing him is this: Solas was an Alexander Hamilton who lived long enough to see himself become an Aaron Burr, and if he has any hope of redemption, it lies in him returning to those Hamiltonian sides of himself.
When you first meet Hamilton in the musical, he is the “young scrappy and hungry” revolutionary who talks too much and cares even more. To me, this is the perfect analog to Solas in his early days in Elvhenan. As he tells Blackwall, he was once “cocky and hot-blooded,” just as Hamilton is when he first arrives in America. We know he was highly idealistic, just as Hamilton is, and it wouldn’t shock me to find out he also had something to prove. I doubt he was a member of Elvhenan’s ruling class, at least not to start out. I also love that both young Hamilton and Solas are anti-slavery, a position that was revolutionary in both of their societies at the time.
Next, Hamilton and Solas both get wrapped up in a war, and are handpicked by a famous general to be their “right hand man” - in Hamilton’s case, Washington’s - in Solas’s case, Mythal’s. I tend to believe that Mythal was not Solas’s lover, but instead a trusted mentor and friend, or even a mother figure, just as Washingotn becomes a complex father figure for Hamilton. I also tend to believe that Solas may have struggled to overcome his cocky and hot-blooded nature despite his increasing social status and political power, just as Hamilton does.
(Now, this is where we skip a big chunk of the musical - mainly the romance with Eliza - but I’ll get back to that.)
Like Hamilton, Solas is an incredible talent, but this talent begins to sow the seeds of their undoing. Hamilton is an incredible legal and financial mind who writes “financial systems into existence” the same way that Solas creates the Veil, which was equally as unprecedented. But, even as they reach the peak in their careers, they also approach their downfall - Hamilton because of his affair with Maria Reynolds, and Solas because of his inability to accept Mythal’s betrayal and death. (Although Solas’s downfall also seems to be connected to his deeply held ideals, and we don’t have the full story there yet.)
Both men take drastic actions that they believe will fix this - Hamilton with the “Reynolds Pamphlet” confessing to the affair before anyone can use it against him, and Solas with the creation of the Veil. Both actions fix part of the problem, but lead to a ripple of unintended consequences (Hamilton’s estrangement from his beloved wife and loss of his political career, and Solas’s descent into uthenera, and the end of Thedas as he knew it).
Here is where they diverge - Hamilton’s downward spiral leads more or less to the death of his son, his reconciliation with Eliza, and then to his death in a duel. But while Solas seemingly dies - he also wakes up thousands of years later in a world he barely recognizes.
Enter Aaron Burr.
Burr already has status, wealth, power, knowledge - but he is deeply alone, saying that “everyone who loves me has died,” and deeply obsessed with his legacy. Sound like Solas, post-elevation to “godhood” and uthenera? Rather than choosing to stand for something, Burr wants to “talk less and smile more” and always seeks to take actions that lead to his own advancement, rather than choosing his actions based on his ideals. To me, this rings so much of Solas in his early Inquisition days. He actively hides behind a mask, he deceives, he takes actions that benefit his agenda and no one else’s (like giving the orb to Corypheus). Burr, unlike Hamilton, does not cultivate a close group of friends, and instead stands alone, much like Solas.
The thing is, in my mind, Solas never slips fully into being Burr - we still always get glimpses of the Hamilton underneath, or of Burr’s own softer side. (One great thing about this musical is that Burr is never fully a villain, just as I would argue that Solas is not fully a villain.) Burr also falls in love, also becomes a father, also has doubts and insecurities. Solas still approves when you help people, still approves of the Inquisitor seeking the understand the world around them better even as he plans to destroy that world.
Now, enter Eliza/Lavellan. (See, I said we’d come back to it!)
Of course, this is where the parallels only exist if you play your game this way. I can’t necessarily say that this is true of all Lavellans, or of worldstates where Solas does not have a romance. But, I do think it has some great parallels to any worldstate where Solas is romanced, even if they aren’t perfect.
Eliza is in awe of Hamilton, saying that there’s “nothing that [his] mind can’t do,” and describing how her love for him has her “helpless,” a word that feels innocent enough in the throes of young love, but still contains the seed of future heartbreak. She is a grounding force for Hamilton, constantly seeking to draw him back to the real, to the now, and out of his world of grand ideals. “That Would Be Enough” will forever be one of my all-time favorite Solavellan songs for that reason. I mean, look at this:
Oh, let me be apart of the narrative
In the story they will write someday
Let this moment be the first chapter
Where you decide to stay
And I could be enough
And we could be enough
That would be enough
(Again, the characterization of your Lavellan might not fall in line with this, but to me it captures so much of the wistfulness that I see in so much Solavellan.)
But, here’s where I see another parallel - Lavellan is also a source of temptation for Solas, pulling him away from his true purpose and plans. She is not only his Eliza, but his Maria Reynolds. “Say No To This” was actually the first song that made me sit up and go “holy shit, this is such a Solas song.” I mean, come on:
Lord, show me how to say no to this
I don’t know how to say no to this
But my god she looks so helpless
And her body’s saying hell yes
I see you, Mr. I-can’t-stop-myself-from-kissing-Lavellan-even-when-I-know-it’s-a-bad-idea. (Also, look at Lin-Manuel Miranda flawlessly bringing the word “helpless” back, this time with a different woman, to draw his own parallels between Eliza and Maria. Damn, he’s good.)
And unfortunately, just as Eliza and Hamilton’s love story has a tragic ending, Solavellan does too.
That euphoric helplessness Eliza feels when she first falls in love with Hamilton turns to actual helplessness as he has an affair, tells the whole world about it, indirectly gets their eldest son killed, and then loses his own life. That second arc in their story reminds me so much of how Solavellan ends. “Burn” will forever be one of my favorite Lavellan songs for Trespasser, as she bitterly describes how Hamilton’s ideals and legacy mattered more to him than his family - just as Solas’s ideals and beliefs ultimately matter more to him than his love for Lavellan.
But.
But.
There is a beautiful, heartbreaking little song called “It’s Quiet Uptown” that gives me the tiniest bit of hope for Solas, and for Solavellan.
Eliza and Hamilton do reconcile before his death.
They do find a way through something as “unimaginable” as losing a child - through “moments when [they’re] in so deep / it feels easier to just swim down.” It takes Hamilton stepping up, acknowledging that everything he has done is wrong, that he still loves Eliza, and that he would be happy if he can just stay by her side. He owns up, and then he gives Eliza the choice to forgive him or not.
If we could have a moment like that - a moment where Solas finds his way back to Lavellan, where he acknowledges his faults and problems and asks for forgiveness, with no action on her part - if he truly wants to be redeemed, as Hamilton does in that moment - then I think we too could get that refrain of “forgiveness / can you imagine?”
I can’t think of a better ending. But it has to come from Solas, just as it has to come from Hamilton himself.
And, then, you know, he has to not give in to the other side of his nature and end up dead in a duel, as Hamilton does.
Anyway, thank you for coming to my TED talk about Hamilton and Dragon Age, I have 500000 more parallels in mind, and you can see most of them in The World Turned Upside Down, my Inquisition retelling paired with Hamilton songs, although I also have fun drawing parallels in my other fics. I have accepted my place in the deepest pits of Hamilton and Solavellan hell. I’ll be here forever and ever!
#solas meta#hamilton x dragon age#listen#i could probably write another 50000 words on how this has informed my other characterizations#like dorian as an angelica to a romanced lavellan#how my own ellana is eliza and maria and george washington#how so many songs directly relate to the inquisitor's arc#asojvglH#I LOVE THIS MUSICAL AND THIS FANDOM
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Writer meta asks - 2, 17, and 18! also I absolutely adore you a lot.
💋 Your Writing Wife
2. What I’m most looking forward to writing --
Lol you’re probably hoping for me to say our Gothic AU and I am very excited for it! I was totally going to start it this month but SOMEONE started a DRAGON AGE SMUT EXCHANGE so now I’m consumed with that, thanks a lot.
There’s a Relyo fic I initially abandoned that I am thinking heavily about getting into and getting excited once I finish Code Ren, and also I really want to get my hands on the Solas/Dorian college AU prequel to Dear Fen’Harel. Desperately.
17. Do you think readers perceive your work - or you - differently to you? What do you think would surprise your readers about your writing or your motivations?
Oh, people perceive Solas in my fic differently than me all the time, haha. I get comments all the time where readers twist themselves in logical knots to try and explain away things instead of reaching the simple and correct conclusion that Solas is lying. I mean, we did play the same game where he lies to you the entire time about almost everything, right? Lol. It doesn’t bother me -- I giggle about it. But the ending of Dear Fen’harel is going to be wild for them.
18. Do any of your stories have alternative versions? (plotlines that you abandoned, AUs of your own work, different characterisations?) Tell us about them.
AS IF YOU DON’T KNOW.
So I wrote Dear Fen’harel with a certain game plan and then about halfway through I realized that while I love Ellana/Solas, Ellana/Zevran had so much more chemistry and Solas/Dorian has so much better plot and angst potential and I could have had this if I didn’t set Solas and Ellana up for the main pairing pretty early on. So I’m coping with AUs, lol.
Also I will stick Solas and Shay Cadash, my beloved dwarf, in any AU ever. I already have a High School AU for them. I planned out a Teacher AU for them, they’re in the Gothic AU, and I started a Fairytale/Swan Princess AU in my google docs, lol. I just love their dynamic.
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For the director’s commentary thing: The entire Ch 15 of Reckoning. The juxtaposition during Solas’ lead up to having to go back to the roll of Fen’Harel got me so emotional. The contrast between hating/loving the power and detachment that comes with what much be done. I’d love to know more about what you feel his thought process would be after the events, the temptation of just existing neutrally after unleashing so much hell on these asshats. It’s awesome, please give me more!
AHH yes this is a good one!! Thank you for this ask! Commentary below the cut!
I do have to start with Ellana, because rereading this opening had me laughing:
Ellana was certain that war was mostly paperwork.
Paperwork, and a worry that gnawed its way into her bones. A burrowing insect like the kind that destroyed aravels and trees. Tiny and unstoppable and devastating.
If her time as Inquisitor started to convince her of these things, her time as High Commander of Enasan only solidified it.
(High Commander was a stupid title, and she hated it, but she also understood its political necessity. She outranked all of the field commanders, but while her role was primarily political, she was not royalty. Enasan was a republic. She'd lobbied to be called regent, but was overruled.
"Regent makes it sound like you are waiting for something," Arlanal pointed out. "Like you are waiting to step aside."
I am , Ellana thought.)
But while her time as Inquisitor had at least featured long stretches in the field, where she could loose her frustration and fear through her arrows, this war had been nothing but talk for her. Aside from that initial foray to the mountain pass where the first true battle of the war took place, she had not been in the field for more than an hour or so at a time. And even those forays were spent at a distance from the fighting, watching through a spyglass. And they were blisteringly quick visits. Ellana never thought she would dislike the Crossroads, but she hated how quickly she would go from her office in the capital to some outpost or fortification or battlefield. At least when she was Inquisitor she had the leisure of those long rides, or hikes, just her and her companions, where she could shed as many of the layers of her title as she dared.
Now there was no reprieve.
This whole fic was an exercise in “how far can I push my characters out of their element” in a lot of ways, and I think this is probably one of the clearest moments where you see that for poor Ellana. I also have to say that her internal commentary on the title High Commander is a direct nod to me figuring out what her title would be, since President sounds far too modern, but it still couldn’t be a title associated with royalty. I started with “Commander in Chief” and then worked back to something that sounded more fantastical.
(Also, poor Ellana, trying to wriggle her way out of every title she has ever been given. That’s why I bring it back in the epilogue, and say that the titles Mamae, vhenan, Hahren Ellana, and Mamaela are the only ones she truly accepts)
Once I established the idea of paperwork, of how different this war was from the other wars Ellana fought in, how helpless she feels, I could keep coming back to that idea to build up the sense of tension within her, as I did right before she blows up at Solas:
She’d flung the paper but it was not an arrow. It did not fly straight and true. It did not give her the physical release of her bow. The physical release that had been lost to her for two decades and more. The sense that she could fight. That she could pick up a weapon and do something about the dangers that surrounded good people, people who did not deserve it. That she could protect people.
Now all she had was another stupid title, and paperwork.
Then I had to make sure that she was so tunnel-visioned on all of those issues that she wasn’t paying attention to any of Solas’s more subtle cues that he is also suffering under their personal helplessness. Ellana is usually very attuned to the emotions of other people, and Solas by this point is usually far more open with her, so it was interesting to write those short little exchanges where she comes in, vents, and he only has two or three words for her, and she isn’t thinking straight enough to understand why that is. It was so important to me to show that even a good marriage, even one that has lasted a long time, still has failures in communication.
I’m also following a very typical writer’s trick that I learned in my upper level fiction class in college, which is to do things in threes to get maximum impact, which is why we get three snippets of Ellana venting and frustrated and Solas seemingly unaffected before we hit the scene where she finally loses her temper:
Solas snorted. “Would you be served by my anger?”
She wanted to strangle him.
“At least I would not feel alone in my anger if you seemed to feel - something!”
But as she said the words, she turned, and saw his face, and it was the face of the man she loved. And it was raw with pain and rage.
“I would think that you, of all people, would know not to accuse me of having no feelings just because I am hiding them.” His words had an edge she hadn’t heard in - gods, in years.
She was a fool. A temperamental fool, no better than the squabbling youth who’d been hauled before her Keeper for picking fights with other youths who picked on her for the darkness of her skin.
Ellana’s temper is something we see less and less of as she gets older in the series, and it was also important to me to point out that as she is subjected to this immense pressure and helplessness, she���s going to start resorting to behaviors she used in the past, even as far back as her childhood.
I also did my best to show that Solas is cracking here through how I wrote his dialogue - he ordinarily speaks very smoothly, in long, well-thought out sentences, but here I broke up his thoughts frequently, showing his agitation:
“You hand me papers like the one you handed me tonight,” he did not look at her as he said it, but she winced at his choice of words. As she always was, she was embarrassed by her loss of temper already. “And I see the number of the People we lost, and I think of how many I could have saved with a single spell. I am not all that I once was, but I am not helpless, and yet this war has made me feel only that. And yet none of this is your problem, and so I should bear it, and see this through - but - vhenan - if we lose this war - if we lose our daughter - while I sat by and did nothing -”
He’d turned back to face her as he said the last of those words, and there was no mask at all anymore. There was only her bondmate, as sad and lost and angry as she was. Her frustration with him loosened more. She was not as alone as she thought. Solas did not have the paperwork (the fucking paperwork ) or the responsibilities she did. But he carried the same helplessness. They were together in that. She stepped close to him, and pulled him down, and kissed him hard.
"Let's go," she said when they parted. "And let's stop being helpless."
And at the end of the section we get one more repetition of paperwork as the symbol of everything Ellana hates - I didn’t count, but I think that is also the third one, tying back in to that rule of threes - and oh my god I just realized that I themed this entire chapter around the word helpless as well which ties directly back to The World Turned Upside Down and Ellana’s role as Eliza. Wow. I didn’t even realize I was doing that.
As far as the next scene goes, where we switch to Solas’s POV, I was drawing on two main things - the idea of Solas as a weapon, which it seems like he was to Mythal, and which Ellana is now seeing him as, and the scene from 300 where Gorgo sends Leonidas to Thermopylae with the words “come back with your shield, or on it.” I always loved that scene because you can see the love in their eyes, but neither of them can acknowledge it physically or verbally, because they are political leaders, and because it’s not actually what Leonidas needs in that moment. He needs to be treated like another Spartan.
That’s how we got to this line:
“Come back to me,” she said, her voice quiet but her tone firm as steel. “That’s an order, Dread Wolf.”
And Solas, smart cookie that he is, does not miss what she really means here:
For more than twenty years now he had been the peacemaker, the partner, the father, the scholar. But Ellana had not called him vhenan, or even Solas , as he left. Ashara was not there to call him Papae . No. Ellana had called him Dread Wolf. And that was who he would be today. He would again where the mask of Fen’Harel, He Who Hunts Alone, the Bringer of Nightmares. Because that was what his people needed of him once again.
It felt better than he wanted to admit.
In terms of tension building, we get several more instances of the rule of three here - first with three times that the altar to Mythal has mattered in this series: Flemeth showing up in DA:I, shattering the last of Ellana’s faith in the gods, Solas and Flemeth meeting at the end of DA:I, and then Solas and Ellana meeting there during Body of Knowledge when she has considered leaving him. Then we get another repetition of three with one of my favorite headcanons/pieces of Solas meta, which is that Solas’s life is shaped by three women in this series: Mythal, Ellana, and Ashara.
Then we get three repetitions of the phrase “Go. Hunt. It is time for justice,” with the final repetition catching even Solas off guard, as he says he thinks the last word might actually have been vengeance. That ties into a great piece of meta we’ve heard about Mythal - that while she did once represent justice, she may have been corrupted over the millennia into vengeance.
I relied on all three of those repetitions, each of which is also somehow related to three, to build and then release the tension of Solas finally arriving at Shalasan and unleashing hell. Of course, we’re also relying on several things I’ve set up throughout the fic and even back into the previous fic - like how Solas knows it is not really Mythal within him, just as it is not really Falon’Din within Ashara - but on a sentence level, those were the tools I relied on to make that scene happen.
I also have to shout out my two deliberate Hamilton references here, for fun: “You cannot be everywhere at once, Dread Wolf” and “Why are you telling me this?”. I am a sucker for sneaking them in everywhere :)
Oh man, I missed the second part of what you asked! In terms of his thought process after, I think Ashara is the thing that immediately grounds him and reminds him he can’t give into this side of himself totally. That’s why it was important to me that she is the first person who goes and sees him, that he leans on her just as much as she leans on him in that moment. He can risk the rest of the world seeing him as a monster, but he can’t risk his daughter seeing him that way, so he always has to come back.
Thank you for the ask!!! it was such fun to go back through that chapter.
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