#elias has truly grown a lot

[warmsol]

Aaaah I truly don’t like how Kai showed up just to continue teasing and flirting with Elia. I thought he had already learned to respect boundaries and how to act around her. He’s making her uncomfortable! If I was her I would put a stop to his behavior so hard! Anyway, I love your posts and I’m so happy to see them again hehe

!!! i agree. i touched on it in an ask here, but recently kai has been pushing boundaries more. (which has caused a few issues in his relationship.) kai has grown a lot since his Dark Days ™️ but he still has a bit of chaos in him that he fails to keep at bay. i think being around elia while we’re near her wedding day brought out some possessiveness he has over her. (yeah, still. he’s got the jealous trait for a reason lol) couple that with his hatred of makoa, he had a natural urge to cross some lines, so he did. as for elia, she attempted to lay down the law buuut we’ll see what happpens next! ANYWAY thank you so much, mwah ♥️

[dulcewrites]

This is kind of random but not really since it somewhat involves fmo and hotd. But I forgot who said it but they were saying that Targaryens are usually the cause of their downfall. And when it comes to how poorly Alicent was treated and how reader is being treated it reminded me of Elia Martell. Elia almost died giving birth to her kids with Rhaegar and in the end he ditched her for a 14 year old. And I always see shit saying “omg Rhaegar and Lyanna ugh their love is so beautiful” etc etc like no, a grown man looked at a 14 year old girl and said “yes this the one for the prophecy” or even “this the one I love” (whichever way those view it I’ve seen conflicting sides). And then it reminds me of how people say Alicent is a villain as if she wasn’t forced to marry at a young age too and deal with a shitload of trauma from Viserys and Otto. Idk if I’m making sense or ranting at this point 😭 but I feel like people pick and choose during these situations. Alicent didn’t want to marry Viserys and because of that she has all this trauma so now she’s painted as a villain when she’s really the victim. With Elia and Lyanna I feel like they’re both victims but I’ve seen people glorify Lyanna and Rhaegar because they secretly married each other for love. Like idk something not right about it.

I LOVE this ask bc Elia was one of my inspos for gone but not forgotten. She can be a parallel to fmo reader too, because she truly did nothing but mind her business, have her kids and still ended being treated horribly… and in the name of a prophetic child. Like thinking about the tourney at harrenhal makes me so upset

People who glorify Lyanna and rhaegar’s relationship or even go as far to say Elia was ok with it are just not right. There is truly nothing romantic about leaving his family for a teen. And nothing romantic about the wife and children who did nothing to deserve it dying brutally for his selfish actions

A lot those women (Alicent, Elia) won’t be seen as victims bc they aren’t the “right” kind for bullshit reasons. Alicent isn’t perfectly sweet after being taken advantage for years, so she can’t be a victim. Elia is dornish and stands in the way of “true love” so she can’t be a victim. Both of their characters just go to show that you can have a character go through the literal depths of hell in their life, and still be seen as villain to some people. Wild

[croziers-compass]

For the end of the year ask game, 25, 23, 21, 20, 18, 12, and 9, if you'd like

End Of Year Asks:

Did you create any characters (in games, art, or writing) this year? Describe one. - I created Elias Lumenarius - my arcane build in Bloodborne who uses the Kos Parasite. I have a deep love for the body horror of the Kos Parasite in Bloodborne. The Ethereal nature of it and how it's not just really a parasite but seems to behave with a sort of symbiosis to the host of the parasite does ... something... for me. (If you were curious about Ere/Wilbur and Heinrich, they are old news.)

If you could send a message to yourself back on the first day of the year, what would it be? - The deer will go into rut early this year. This is important for the end of August going into September.

What’s something new about your place of residence (room, home, or general location) now vs the start of the year? - We rearranged our entire sitting room, actually. I also tossed out my old area rug. It's a tad barren now, there, but alas, it will have to do until I can find something I like that is also affordable. Oh! And the hole in our roof got fixed. Pleasant news. It had not started to leak quite yet so I am glad it got repaired sooner rather than later.

What’s something you learned this year? - The men in Shackleton's expedition traded one another the shiniest and prettiest stones and gifted them to one another. This healed me for an additional one hundred and fifty health points.

A memorable meal this year? - I perfected Cawl. It turned out so brilliantly that I cannot help but fondly recall it and how well I had done. I almost cried.

Talk about a new friend you made this year - I have made several new friends this year. I struggle in community. I am a bit shy. But reaching out through the community of the Terror and other Polar Exploration enthusiasts has brought many incredible individuals to my humble space. I have gotten to connect with so many wonderful people that I am in awe. I admire so many of them so deeply. I adore them. To think that others admire me as well is laughable. It's a strange and surreal experience. Everyone has been so lovely and so kind and brilliant. The minds of the Terror and our fellow "Discovery Service" sailors are enough to really move me. I have grown so much in a short amount of time and been given a truly precious gift amongst these incredible individuals. Those that have connected with me through DMs or reached out to me are just incredible. The way that we stitch and weave together this unique and amazing relationship is simply most unexpected. I am truly grateful and I could not feel so close to so many people that live so far away if it were not for what you all bring to these Ships. It is an honour to Sail with you all.

Best month for you this year? I found a lot of respite in May this year. I experienced some rather disconcerting life events that shook me and troubled me deeply. I spent much of my free time isolated in state parks, having hiked hundreds of metres above sea level to simply feel isolated and away from everything whilst finding a connection to my place in the world. I spent much time writing, reading, and absorbing myself in my hobby studies while I found wisdom in my other works. I had a wonderful amount of support from other good friends and kin that I share sacred spaces with and this was very supportive in my task to heal some wounds wrought upon me by my own family. It was painful but good. And I value that and am grateful for it.

[jon-is-blorbo]

Now that I have time to elaborate I shall, SO-

Basically everything up till after the Panopticon is destroyed, with Jon and Martin disappeared, is the same except Elias was still alive, just really really really buried inside his mind.

So the girls go to look for Jon and Martin as they do in canon, and ofc don’t find them. Instead, they find Elias among the ruins, in what appears to be the only somewhat clear space that resembles the shape of an eye. To say they were shocked to find out he was still alive and clearly breathing would be an understatement. He wasn’t much better when he woke up, being pushed to the backseat of his conscience while Jonah controlled his every action for over two decades made it really difficult to suddenly be back in control. And blind, which I’ll explain why later

Because of said over two decades Elias isn’t really the same person he was before the Institute. He might not have cared much about it before but now he has a very large amount of survivors guilt and just overall lack of confidence to do anything. Nor does he really understand that this is actually happening, the fact that he keeps dissociating because that’s just what he’s grown used to doesn’t make that any easier.

Melanie was completely fine leaving him there at first and I can’t really blame her, they’ve all known Jonah as Elias for so long that it’s hard to differentiate the two now, especially since she can only hear his voice as the one that’s caused her and others so much pain. Basira doesn’t really know what they should do, but she doesn’t really know if just leaving Elias there would be a good idea. Partly to make sure Jonah isn’t just faking them out, and partly because it would be pretty heartless and cruel to leave Elias there after everything. Georgie is in a similar mindset, but they do end up taking him with them.

Elias is pretty unresponsive for a while, but his nervousness doesn’t get better once he’s actually fully there. He did just almost die to the person he thinks he hurt most, and he really doesn’t understand why these three took him with them. Are they going to finish it? They don’t actually care about him do they? (Some of my wondering on if Elias ever knew what unconditional love was does play into this au) It takes a long time for all of them to adjust, and that time would take ages longer to explain so that’ll come at a later date

Now as to why Elias is blind I was kind of just thinking that for any avatars after the apocalypse that survived all experienced some draw backs now that the Fears are now just gone. I thought about how the only way to quit the Institute and separate yourself from the Eye was to blind yourself. And since Elias was literally the Pupil of the eye for so long, and the fact that his connection to it was killed and the Entity gone it had some pretty drastic effects on him, including the loss of vision. Which those eyes aren’t even his original ones to begin with, another thing that makes it hard to differentiate between Elias and Jonah

Final thing for now, The Admiral being the best emotional support cat through all this, he truly is the best cat ever

All in all there are a lot more thoughts I have on this but this is all I have time to share now, but this has been rotting in my brain for so long

What if Elias became one of the girls

[the-gedonelune-times]

Pent Up.

So a little while back @klausygirl19 gave me the wonderful idea for a short hurt/comfort fic for Klaus and Elias. 

Honestly, I’ve had a couple of ideas like this swirling around for some time now, but I wasn’t sure how to write it. I’ve always hated the fact that Elias, especially in the earlier routes, had been constantly put down. He would be compared to his father and brother at any given moment and would be told about how he was sticking to the book too much. He’s been living in other people’s shadows without truly being able to express himself, so I wanted to try and write a couple of scenes where Elias is finally breaking away from those chains holding him back.  

Though it’s a bit delayed and a little bit on the short side, I hope you’ll enjoy!  

On the outside, Elias seems cool, calm and collected, but deep down he’s actually screaming for someone to listen to him. Pent up emotions are beginning to affect his prefect work and classes and with a sudden visit from Klaus, Elias finds himself pushed beyond the breaking point.

Hurt/comfort

Words: 1,513

Bells rang to signal the end of classes. After what seemed like an eternity, Elias and the other Day Class prefects were finally able to attend a normal class. Classes were easy and the prefect work was easier than normal, so why was it that Elias was feeling incredibly stressed at the moment? Well, the answer was simple: Klaus. Klaus had just arrived in his old office, hoping to chat with the prefects about some new information about a possible upcoming mission for them. At the moment it was just the two of them in the room. Elias was organizing some papers while Klaus sat on the sofa, quietly. 

Though Elias couldn’t confirm it, he swore he could feel Klaus’ piercing gaze on him at all times, almost as if he was judging him, making sure he was doing his job correctly. Klaus had a tendency to speak his mind about what he thought would be the most effective way of doing things, something that Elias took into consideration most of the time, but today he just wasn’t in the mood. He continued to work, getting everything in order for when the other prefects would arrive. 

“I heard from Schuyler about all the progress you’ve been making as a prefect.”

“Oh?” Elias didn’t even bat an eye as he began rummaging for some files in one of the nearby cabinets.

“Yes. He said you’ve grown as a student here at the Academy and you’ve shown a great deal of potential.”

“Potential for what exactly?”

“Well, he said he wouldn’t be surprised if you didn’t join the Ministry after you graduate.”

Elias’ hands shook as he closed the cabinet door, still refusing to lock eyes with Klaus who was beginning to notice that something was clearly going on.

“Alright Elias, what’s wrong?”

“Nothing is wrong. Why are you asking?”

“Something is clearly wrong. You’ve barely said a word and the way you’re handling everything right now just isn’t you.”

“Oh really, so then what is me then?”

“Elias?”

“Forget it. You wouldn’t understand.”

“I highly doubt that. If you just talk to-”

“I have talked to you! I’ve talked to everyone in the family about it!” 

Elias cut Klaus off with a rather large shout as he slammed a folder down on the desk.

“Why can’t you all see that this is way too much?”

“What’s too much?”

“Our name, the Goldstein family name.”

“Yes, it can be stressful, we all have to bear it. Being part of nobility has its drawbacks, you know this.”

“Yeah, I do know and it’d be nice if for one day, just one day I can forget about all of it.”

“What in the world are you talking about?”

“I’m talking about the constant pressure, the constant talks about my future which I barely even have a say in. All I ever hear about is how I would fit right in with the Ministry, how I would be the spitting image of both you and father. Even here at the Academy, I can’t be free from that! I’m always being told about how good of a wizard I am, about how my magic has grown and could continue to grow if I could just stop following the book. ‘You remind me so much or your brother when he was a student here.’”

“Elias…”

“I look up to you Klaus, but I don’t aspire to be you or father or even Alfonse. I don’t want to have my future planned out for me, I don’t want to be in your shadows, I want to be me! I want to do what I want to do, I want my magic to be recognized, even if it is ‘by the book’ I’m not you, I’m Elias Goldstein so why is it so hard for people to accept that?!”

A few tears that had been building up were finally streaming down Elias’ face but were quickly brushed away by the sleeve of his uniform. All the pent up anger that had been building up over the years had finally spilled out, leaving Klaus at a complete loss of words. All he could do was watch Elias take a seat down at the desk, steadily calming himself. Klaus heard Elias sigh and place his hands over his face, letting them drop down to his side, his face was both solemn and enervated. 

“I’m sorry, Klaus I shouldn’t have said that.”

“Stop it right there.” Klaus sighed. “I’m glad you said what you said, Elias.”

“W-What? Aren’t you mad?”

“For what? For you speaking your mind? For you to finally tell me what’s going on? For how you feel? Why would I be mad at you for that?”

“I...yelled at you.”

“You had every reason to. Look, Elias, the reason I’m so harsh on you is because I just wanted to see you succeed in life. But you’re more than capable to do that on your own. I suppose my wants for you were preventing you from moving forward in the direction you wanted to go.”

“Klaus…”

“When Alfonse left us all those years ago, the pressure was put on my shoulders, I had to follow a path that was carved out for me all for the sake of our family name. Despite knowing the feeling of practically drowning in stress, I ended up putting quite a bit on your own shoulders Only now am I seeing the true extent of it...”

“It’s not all your fault, Klaus.”

“I never said it was. But I won’t deny that I didn’t have a role in it.” Klaus shifted in his position on the sofa ever so slightly. “So, tell me, what is it that you want to do. What kind of path do you want to carve out?”

Elias pondered for a moment. “I want...I want to do something that involves magical tools.”

“I say that’s a fine goal. After all, you have a ton of expertise in that field.”

“You think so?”

“Of course. I heard from some of the others about some of the things you’ve built. For example, those magical boards of yours.” Klaus chuckled. “You’ve always been good with those kinds of things. I still remember when you were little and tried helping Alfonse and I with our own magical tools. You once picked up a toy hammer and-”

“T-That’s enough!”

Elias practically shouted with a face as red as a cherry. He groaned and leaned back deeper in his seat while Klaus began to laugh.

“Oh come on, it was cute.”

“Oh, yeah, sure, for you maybe! It’s super embarrassing for me though!”

Klaus laughed. “That’s what big brothers do.”

“Maybe Alfonse should start revealing more embarrassing stories about you then. I’m sure the others would be thrilled to hear some.”

“I beg to differ.” “What’s this about me telling stories?”

Beautiful curly locks of golden hair poked out from the doorway, outside stood Alfonse who, by chance, happened to have been passing by the prefect at a rather perfectly timed moment.

“Alfonse?!”

“Oh? Klaus is here? Did something happen?”

“No. Elias and I were discussing some pressing matters.”

“Oh? Was storytelling the pressing matter? I’d be more than happy to share some!” Alfonse happily walked into the room with a big grin on his face.

“No thank you.”

Without another word, Klaus, who seemed to have broken out in a cold sweat, got up from his seat from the sofa and was now briskly walking towards the door. Before he left, however, he turned to face Elias.

“We’ll need to talk some more later.” 

“Sure.” Elias gave a quick nod and watched as Klaus left.

“What was that all about?”

“Nothing really. We were just passing some time.”

“Is that so?”

“Yes.” Elias smiled and was about to get back to do some work when he stopped. “Hey, Alfonse?”

“Yes?”

“Do you remember those blueprints I showed you a while back? The one of the magical tool that could help increase the effectiveness of magical potions?”

“Oh, yes, I remember! Why do you ask?”

“Well...I thought about it and I was wondering if you could help me. I want to make it and present it to father.”

“Huh? Really? But when I brought that up, you said you didn’t want to do that.”

”Yes, well, I think I’m ready now. I want to show him what the youngest of the Goldstein name, can really do.”

“So, you’re doing this to impress him?”

“No, I’m doing this...for me.”

With determination in his heart, Elias was going to carve his own path to a future he would walk down. No matter what was to come, he was sure he could overcome it, after all, he was Elias Goldstein and he was going to make an impact on the world. 

[esther-dot]

Apparently Rhaegar, Tyrion, Ned and Robert are victims in their marriages. According to fandom problems are in Elia for weak and frail, Sansa for being cold, Cat for being Tully and Cersei for being mean. Also for them Stannis is hero while Selyse is crazy bitch. For them these women are responsible for their faves manpain.

Well, to be fair, Cersei was involved in Robert's death so he technically was her victim. But, he was an abusive ass, so no, I don't really care.

I don't understand at all how they could claim Ned suffered as a result of his marriage. I think we're meant to admire Cat, Ned trusts her to handle the North for him/advise Robb, and if anything, it seems like he has a lot of shame surrounding not feeling worthy of getting what was meant for Brandon ie he would probably say he’s undeserving of Cat.

As for Tyrion and Sansa, there's no saving the people who think a child needs to have sex with a grown man to make him feel better about himself. Everyone who thinks that has far more serious issues than their bad ASOIAF takes.

That brings us to Rhaegar, and I personally loathe the bastard because of Rhaenys (I’m not kidding, I will never be over that line), but I am not confident that I know what Martin is doing with him. What Martin has written about him is so bizarre to me that I can’t make heads or tails of it.

He’s a nerd, gets inspired by reading about the prophecy and decides to become something of a warrior in addition to believing he needs three kids, he has concerns about his dad and knows he needs to do something about him, and yet, he goes to the tourney, sees a young teenage girl, is (allegedly) so totally infatuated with her that he does something that insults her honor, his wife’s honor, multiple great houses, and ya know, Dorne? And, then, even though he totally changed who he was because he believed he needed to for the greater good, even though he knew his dad was a problem, he throws Westeros into chaos by running away with or kidnapping Lyanna?? I really don’t think Martin will leave it at kidnapping/rape because he likes to evolve our understanding of characters, but if he truly wants us to think “fool in love” (something he said about Rhaegar) he shouldn’t have made Rhaegar’s actions lead to the brutal murder of his wife and children. It’s unforgivable, his choices precluded any peaceful outcome, and for a guy who previously basically changed his identity for the greater good/the future, it just makes no sense to me.

I’ve seen people claim R/L is a Romeo and Juliet situation/forbidden love, and I think the issue is, even in the most Rhaegar friendly interpretation, it is undeniable that he initiated their relationship in the worst way possible and then escalated it in a way that was certainly going to lead to bad things, that left his wife/children and the realm as a whole vulnerable. It isn’t romantic or beautiful, it’s shameful. Lyanna and Elia are his victims.

Oh, Stannis. Since we now know where the people burning is leading, we’re meant to realize, oh, none of this is ok. The man doesn’t have to purpose to do evil to do evil. Martin confirmed he will burn his daughter alive. Men sacrificing their children for their own ends is horrific even when it’s just a marriage and not a literal burnt offering. All of his decisions are on him, and his wife being unattractive/religious etc doesn’t change that.

Fans should learn how to enjoy the characters without trying to scrub them clean of all their guilt. It isn’t hard to do. I love Ned, and yet I recognize his failures. 🤷🏻‍♀️

[voiceless-terror]

For the au ask thing you reblogged, could you do your childhood friends Jmart au?

certainly! heres some stuff that was going to be in fics, but im not sure if i'll continue the series so i'll spoil a bit

1. following the events of the last chapter of inseparable, tim insists that they all have to get drinks so he can get the deets about what jon was like as a kid. martin happily obliges much to jon's chagrin, but he doesn't interrupt much cause he's too busy staring at his old friend and how much he's grown but how he still has the same smile and oh god he was here the whole time and jon was completely oblivious-

2. elias, uh. did not expect jon to become so sappy for his former friend. severely underestimated how soft jon truly is. and now jon has someone in his office who understands what he went through as a kid and how that motivates him. although the years have passed jon is still a seething mess of insecurity and nervousness and fear and having martin around is going to change that.

3. tho. not right away. jon's kind of desperate to impress his old friend, wants to show that he has everything together and is capable of doing this job. so while he doesn't take it out on martin or project like he does in canon, he still stays super late working and tries to reach for that 'academic detachment', making his voice deeper and trying to project some sort of authority. his friend is so accomplished!! he just wants to measure up :(

4. yeah. martin didn't get around to telling jon he faked his resume and doesn't know how to bring it up, especially when jon looks so starry-eyed at his qualifications. he never tells tim about it in this verse. but sasha, being sasha, looks it up and knows. and tells tim. and they don't really know martin, but they're friends with jon, and they're kind of worried. its a whole thing, yikes.

5. a lot of time has passed!! circumstances change!! eventually martin will have to fess up but that requires talking about his mother and dropping out and he doesn't want jon to think he's some sort of failure, meanwhile jon's in his own corner having an existential crisis about looking like a fraud who doesn't know what he's doing. so yeah, some things change for the better!! but there's also plenty of angst to be had as well.

[tomtenadia]

Island Dreams - Epilogue

So, this is it. We officially reached the end. I must admit I am very sad. Writing this story has been such a great journey but Aelin and Rowan have their happy ending. This chapter is set 5 years after the events of the previous chapter. it's divided in two parts. The first one we have Aelin telling in first person what happened in five years. Part two has a snippet of our beloved Whitethorn-Galathynius family. we get to meet Freyja and Morrigan and a surprise too. I hope you love the girls.

I want to say a massive thank to every single person who read the story, reblogged it or left a comment. Thank you. I am so grateful for all the support you gave me.

I am coming back..  A Little Braver is going well and I hope to be brave enough to post chapter one soon.

And now i'll leave you to the story. Enjoy <3

--------------------

5 years later

My name is Aelin and my story began five years ago. I was once heartbroken and one day I left my old life behind and took a flight to Scotland, and then a ferry and I ended up on this island called Lewis. I am a bookworm and one of the first thing I did once on the island was to go and hunt for a bookstore. And well, you know the story after that. It’s been five years since the day Rowan and I officially tied our lives together at Callanish. As promised we went back there after a year and a day and renewed our vows.

Married life had its ups and downs but Rowan and I fought through every single challenge that came our way. We made it work, we fought for each other as we promised and we love each other just as we did when we began. And some. Every year Rowan has been celebrating the anniversary of the day I arrived on the island and officially entered his life. Sometimes I think he prefers that day to our wedding anniversary. Anyway, as you remember we finished the story with the four of us, Rowan, me and our two girls Morrigan and Freyja. Those two cute bundles of flesh are now two very active five years old driving mum and dad crazy but also being the most precious thing in our life. They will start primary school next month and I am trying not to cry if I think how much they have grown. Physically they are their father’s clone. They both have deep pine green eyes and his same silver hair. Freyja likes it long and loves when either I or Rowan braid it. He has become quite a wizard at braiding our daughter’s hair. Morrigan, on the other hand, prefers it short. But the similarities end with that. Personality wise they cannot be any more different. Freyja is like me. Rowan calls her his wee Fireheart. She is fierce and stubborn. She has a very strong personality and for a five year old she has her ideas clear on what she wants. She is like quicksilver and always active. She is the first one to wake up and the last one to go to bed. She is curious and fearless and loves nature just as much as her father. She is out little hurricane. Morrigan, on the other hand, is the calm one and reserved and she reminds me so much of Rowan. She observes a lot and when you think she is not paying attention, she comes up with question that makes you realise she was listening after all. She has an inquisitive mind and her non stop questions can be exhausting after a long day. She is shy. Where her sister had been since tender age happy to be with anyone, Morrigan has always been very selective. Growing up she has her favourite selection of adults. She is very close to her father, probably because they are very similar, but Uncle Malcolm and Aedion come second. Aedion got her hooked on planes. Once we were at his and Lys’ house and Morrigan grabbed one of his models planes and started playing with it. Aedion had started talking about the plane and now when they are together she always ask him about planes. We think she’ll be a pilot. Both girls are obsessed with books just like her parents and Rowan has taken upon him the job of teaching them to read. Morrigan can read very simple words and write her own name. Freyja would too if she could sit down for more than five minutes. Good luck with the teachers. She is very bright, she just can’t stay still for very long. She was probably the one doing all the kicking while in the womb. The amazing thing is that they get along. It took us a while to teach them to sleep in their individual rooms. For a while in the morning we would find one in the other’s bed. Always curled up together as they used to do when they were little. Freyja at the park always play the protective one and looks after her sister and chases away the kids who try to take advantage of her sister’s calmer nature. If we were in a fantasy I would imagine Freyja being the woman learning to wield a sword and who would train with the guys and dreamed of becoming a knight. Morrigan, I imagine her as the one with her nose in books and who dreams of becoming a healer. I think Rowan is writing a story about them. Oh yes, I will tell you about his book in a moment. There is a further family member that I need to introduce: our son Dalamar. Yes, Rowan and I have scandalised parents at kindergarten with our weird names. Freyja did not cause much problems but a couple of mothers had a go at me for calling my daughter with such as negative name as Morrigan. I usually explain that I do not expect my daughter to become the goddess of war but that simply Rowan and I liked the name. And do not get me started with Dalamar. No-one apparently has read the Dragonlace chronicles so when we say Dalamar is a dark elf in the books, well, the glares we get are incredible. But again, Rowan and I wanted an original name. We started searching in books to find something we liked and then Rowan found his old copy of the Dragonlance chronicles and he suggested Dalamar. I joked that if we truly wanted to scandalise Stornoway, we should have called him Raistlin. So in the end we went for something less alien and settled on Dalamar. Anyway, Dalamar is two. He was planned though. Rowan and I had decided we wanted a big family so once the girls were around three we started to try and add another member. When we had the conversation we had talked about having four kids, but alas, Dalamar’s birth has been so full of complication that my chances of another pregnancy are now non existent. But Rowan and I are happy. We have our big family. So, Dalamar has blond hair, much fairer than mine and very light blue eyes. He is a gorgeous wee boy. In terms of personality he is halfway between his sisters. He can be adorable one moment and stubborn like a mule the next. But at least they get along and again, Freyja has taken him under her wing. She really is our knight in shining armour. Both girls are fluent Gaelic speakers. After they were born I asked Rowan if he wanted to teach Gaelic to the girls and he had been very happy about it. So we decided that he would speak only Gaelic to the girls and I was the boring parents with English, although sometimes I am brave and I practice with them, then I embarrass myself and revert to English. We have started the same process with Dalamar and he is like a sponge. Morrigan sometimes helps me with my exercises and Gaelic homework. I am taking classes as well when I can. It’s quite embarrassing when you are almost forty and your five years old daughter tells you “Don’t worry mum, you are doing great.” And then adds something in Gaelic and you need to wait for your husband for a translation. Kids, aside… our lives haven’t changed very much. Rowan still works at the bookstore and Malcolm’s sister is still his assistant. She had been wonderful and he could easily count on her when he needed to stay at home with me and the kids. The shop is becoming very popular, my Facebook page has now reached many followers and a year after our daughters were born he finally managed to set up a website for online ordering. My dearest husband also managed to write a book, find an editor and have it printed and distributed in some smaller bookstores. Of course I told him to have in his shop. We did a book signing hoopla and I don’t think I ever seen Rowan so embarrassed. Anyway, he wrote a fantasy and as promised I was in it and I was Queen as requested. He was my warrior. Loads of angst and epic battles but we end up together. I am very proud of him. Now he is working on one were our children are the main characters. I have only read the fist few chapters and I love it already. But I am his wife so I am biased. I still work at the hospital and still love my job. I started helping as well as paramedic and specifically in the air squad. The team that gets to be airlifted at the site of accidents and the whole thing required a special type of training and it had been amazing. On occasions, I get to work with Aedion. He flies, I save lives. I wish I could tell the London guys that they were wrong. Working in a small hospital is not throwing away my career. I feel more satisfied than I ever felt when I was down south. Malcolm is still my second and I still adore him. Three years ago he finally got married. After my wedding Aiden went for his last deployment and made it back alive and then retired from the navy. He and Malcolm started dating seriously. A year later they moved in together and a year after that Malcolm finally proposed. Aiden has found a civilian job and well, they got their happily ever after. Another couple who got their happily ever after is Lysandra and Aedion. He proposed about five months after mine and Rowan’s wedding and three months later they were married. They had gone for a very small and private ceremony. One year later they had their fist child a boy named Marcus and now Lysandra is pregnant with their second, a girl. She climbed up again the ladder at the hospital and now she is just one level below the head of the department. Then we have Elias. How can I forget him? He is still in Shetland and we keep in touch and we meet when he is back on the islands. His job is going wonderfully and recently got promoted. Two years ago he got married to Ciara and he is happy and a few months ago she gave birth to an adorable little girl named Martha. She is cute. I have seen her when they came down last month. We remained good friends and both had the happy ending we wanted. We still joke and we love to compliment each other on making marriage number two stick. His book addiction got worse and I think I created a monster. He also bought Rowan’s book and raved about it for months. Then we have Elide and Lorcan. We see each other quite regularly. Every year in July they come to Heb Celt and now they can stay at our place. We have been down to Glasgow a few times and Lorcan yearly provides Rowan with tickets for the Six Nations and we religiously go and see the matches. I am officially a Scotland’s fan and I even learnt Flower of Scotland. The boys are proud of me. Elide is still a teacher and Lorcan still the coach of the Warriors. Their family has gotten bigger as well and they have a boy and a girl and Elide is expecting a third one. Apparently they want a big family too. Oh and Lorcan can smile for more than a second. I must admit I have changed my mind about the man and once he gets comfortable with someone he is actually quite a decent human being. He as a dark sense of humour and us two are usually the ones scandalising the group with dark jokes. Aunt Maeve is still running her cafe and she had been a great help as well while the kids were growing up. She would come up with crazy excuses to offer to babysit them and gave us plenty of chances for me and Rowan to have some time alone. Especially after the two births. She also spoils the girls and love to bake for them. Freyja loves to bake with Maeve and, like me is obsessed with cakes. Also, baking is the only activity when our energetic daughter can stay still for more than ten minutes. Morrigan, on the other hand is fussy as her father and not a fan of sweet stuff. We really got one clone each. Dalamar is still too small but he eats anything. My mum has joined the group as well. She has bought a flat up here and sold the house in London. She decided that she wanted to be a part of her grandchildren lives so she moved up here and she is in good terms with Maeve and sometimes she helps her at the cafe. The two of them cooking are becoming very popular in town.

***

“Come on, let’s go and see dad in the shop.” Aelin took Dalamar’s hand and made sure the twins were walking in front of her. Morrigan started blabbing something in Gaelic but Aelin didn’t understand. “Beurla, mo chridhe,” said Aelin to her daughter. “Tha mi duilich, mum.” Morrigan gave her a toothy smile, showing off her missing tooth. They walked to the shop and once they got in the two girls ran to their father who crouched down and they crashed into him. “I bring chaos.” Joked Aelin while Dalamar was still holding her hand. Rowan had started hosting afternoon for kids in his shop when he would reads books or just have storytelling sessions. He had started during the school holidays to have a way to keep the younger children busy but then it became very popular and he kept going, so once a week the shop is invaded by parents and their kids. The twins loved to listen to their dad tell stories. Dalamar loved it as well but he was far too young to understand what was happening so most of the times he would end up playing with Lys and Aedion’s son Marcus. Aelin reached Rowan and gave him a kiss and the twins made disgusted noises and Aelin laughed “one day you will find a boy or a girl and you’ll want to kiss him or her as well and it won’t be as disgusting,” she said tickling Freyja who was the one who was the most disgusted. “I am going to be a knight. I don’t need a boy.” Added Freyja proudly. “I am going to be a doctor like mum.” Was Morrigan’s turn. “So, a knight and a doctor, I guess we got very lucky.” Rowan pulled Aelin in his arms “looks like the goddess of love wants to fight and is not interested in love and the goddess of war wants to heal people.” “Well, you can’t say that we don’t have an interesting family.” Joked Aelin. Then Rowan bend over and lifted Dalamar in his arms “and you?” He kissed his cheek “what do you want to do?” “Tuathanach.” Replied the boy hugging his father. Aelin laughed and brushed his blond hair “that is lovely, my love.” With time and once they were properly settled down they had decided to dedicate a part of the land they owned to have a small farm. They had a couple of cows, a few chickens and loads of sheep. Dalamar loved to run after the sheep and help his dad look after the animals. That’s why Aelin and Rowan were not surprised when he said he wanted to be a farmer. The twins went behind the counter and grabbed the colouring books that Rowan kept stashed for when he had them in the shop and the pencils and ran to the kids’ table at the bottom of the shop. Rowan placed Dalamar on the floor “Go and colour with your sisters.” “Tha.” And the boy joined the two girls. Aelin leaned exhausted against Rowan. “You look tired.” “They have far too much energy. We went to the park. Freyja ran and jumped the whole time. Morrigan wanted to pat the ducks and almost ended up in the pond and Dalamar chased every single dog or cat.” She explained, looking at their kids with affection “then we had ice cream, we went to say hi to Aunt Maeve and grandma Evalin and Freyja and Dalamar stuffed themselves with carrot cake. Morrigan just had a carrot. She is annoyingly healthy like you.” “My girl.” Said Rowan proudly. “Don’t get me wrong, I love them madly, but I just wished they had just a smidge less energy.” Rowan kissed her forehead “I’ll entertain them tonight and make sure they go to bed early. Hopefully they will run out of energy soon.” “Morrigan and Dalamar perhaps. Not Freyja, that girl has limitless power.” “Just like her mother.” Rowan’s arms squeezed her tight “The girls are going to school next month so hopefully they will calm down a bit.” “I am terrified at the idea of Freyja sitting on a chair all day. I feel sorry for the poor teacher.” Rowan laughed “she might find it interesting and actually sit.” “Ro, she can’t even stay still when you read stories.” He scratched his head “I was thinking we can sign her up for some sport.” “You can take her swimming.” Suggested Aelin. Rowan had kept his job as swimming instructor with Dorian and they had made it work. When the kids were at home she would take them to the swimming complex and once Rowan was done they would all swim together. He had begun teaching the twins to float and some very basics techniques. Freyja had loved it, but she preferred jumping from the smallest platform. Morrigan on the other hand had been a good student and had followed her dad’s instructions and could do a nice basic breaststroke. Dalamar would soak with Aelin with his water wings. He loved being in the water. “She could become one of those athletes who jump from platforms into water. A professional diver. She is surely fearless for a five years old.” “I can see her as a rugby player.” And Aelin laughed. “We’ll let her decide.” “Of course,”Aelin kissed him “Look, some mum and kids are arriving.” Rowan was due to start his storytelling session very soon and mothers, fathers and kids had started to arrive in the shop. Five minutes later Rowan took his position at the bottom of the shop on his chair. All the kids sat on the floor on the colourful mats Rowan had bought. Morrigan and Dalamar would sit at his feet, but Rowan would alway keep Freyja in his arms so he could hold her still for a while. “Thank you everyone for coming this afternoon. Kids, are you all comfortable?” Aelin stood in a corner and stared at him as per her usual. Rowan was such a natural around kids. It had been so easy for him to settle into his role as a dad. He had been amazing with their kids and he’d do literally anything to make them happy. But at the same time he had managed to keep the wonderful balance to prevent them to become spoiled brats whose parents would give them anything. “Today’s story is about a princess. Her name is Aelin.” “Like mum.” shouted Freyja in her father’s arms. “Tha, mo chridhe.” And Rowan kissed her head and a smug smile appeared on the girl’s face. “She is fierce and brave and very, very beautiful. So beautiful that all the princes in the realm wanted to marry her.” Aelin laughed and blushed a bit. “Is there a dragon?” Asked Freyja who seemed had already passed her attention span limit. “Shhh, my love.” But he knew it was a desperate hope. “The princess had been put under a spell by her horrible stepmother who was very jealous of her. She could not enjoy true love with the man she loved until the dragon that held the necklace with the spell was killed. Aelin was in love with the captain of the guard, a man called Rowan. The wicked stepmother had found out and so punished her. She had planned to marry her off to a wealthy old man.” When Aelin noticed Freyja was getting fidgety, she took a chair and sat beside her husband and grabbed their daughter so that he could continue his tale. “Rowan offered to go on a quest and kill the dragon but Aelin refused to be left behind. She was not a damsel in distress. So during the night she gathered some of her stuff, donned her armour and together they set off on an adventure. During their trip he would train her with the sword so she could defend herself. It took them a few months but they did manage to reach the dragon’s lair.” “Dragon.” Freyja was ecstatic and Aelin held her tight. “But while they took the path through the magic forest to reach the dragon lair, Rowan and Aelin got separated. The forest was very dangerous but they were both very brave and fought all the perils and when Aelin finally reached the lair she saw that Rowan was already there but he was injured. She drew her sword and decided to face the dragon alone. In the forest she had discovered that she had fire magic and she wanted to punish the dragon. So she started fighting him, but the dragon was huge and she was getting tired. In that instant Rowan woke up again and walked to her. Together they fought the dragon and eventually killed it and destroyed the necklace, setting Aelin free. She finally kissed him and slowly they returned back home. Once back at the castle, they discovered the wicked mother was gone and Aelin and Rowan decided to get married. They invited all the villagers and they lived happily ever after.” Rowan had to simplify the story to make it acceptable to young kids but they seemed to have liked it. He told a few more stories and two hours later the shop was empty and he was alone again with his family. Dalamar had fallen asleep in Aelin’s arms. Morrigan had gone back to her colouring book and Freyja was pretending to be a knight, swinging around the toy sword Rowan had given her. “I am princess Aelin and I kill dragons.” She shouted while Rowan chased her around the shop. Rowan finally grabbed her and lifted her like a sack of potatoes “dad, the dragon,” she protested while trying to wriggle out of her father’s grip. “Freyja!” Aelin noticed Rowan’s command voice. The one that could actually slow down the little terror. The girl stopped moving and Rowan sat her down beside her sister and she grabbed a colouring book and joined Morrigan in silence. “You really have super powers.” Rowan leaned over to kiss his wife’s head “Give me ten minutes and we’ll go home.”

Half an hour later they were finally at home. Rowan carried a sleepy Morrigan and Aelin carried Dalamar who had been sleeping for an hour now. Freyja had followed in silence, with her sword tucked in the belt loop of her trousers. “I’ll make dinner, you change the kids.” Aelin nodded “Let’s go Freyja it’s jammies time.” The little girl gave her a huge smile and followed her mother with Morrigan at her side. Aelin placed Dalamar on the bed, and helped the two girls change into their night clothes. “Did you have fun at dad’s tonight?” “Yes.” They both squealed. Once they were ready, Aelin tied Freyja’s hair “now go back downstairs to dad but let him cook, okay?” The two girls nodded and left the room. Aelin grabbed her little boy and took him to his room, changed him into his pyjama and tucked him in bed “I love you,” she told him while kissing him on the cheek. Then grabbed the baby monitor and joined the rest of her family downstairs. The twins were on the carpet playing quietly with Morrigan’s planes. Aelin joined Rowan and hugged him from behind “Dalamar is in bed and the girls are playing.” She kissed his back “and your food smells amazing.” “Freyja finally calmed down.” “My mum says that she reminds her of me when I was little.” Aelin squeezed him. He switched off the hob and turned engulfing her in his arms “It does not surprise me.” And he kissed her deeply and Aelin replied in the same manner. He pushed her to the table and she grabbed his butt pulling him to her and she moaned against his mouth. He kissed her neck and Aelin’s hands found their way under his t-shirt. Then she pulled away “Ro, the kids are in the other room and awake.” Rowan leaned his forehead against hers cupping her face in his hands. The kiss he gave her was full of need and love “I know.” He sighed pulling away. Their intimate life had taken a bit of a hit and most nights they were too tired to even try and do something. The last time they had managed to get some action was when Aelin’s mother had kidnapped their kids for an entire weekend four months before. And the mornings were not good either because the twins had the habit of waking up and joining their parents in bed for some family cuddling. Aelin crashed her forehead on his chest “I miss our wall…” she laughed “but I know that I would fall asleep as soon as my back hits it.” Rowan kissed her again “I miss you too.” Then pulled away “Come one, let’s go and feed our hurricanes.” In that instant she heard Dalamar calling her through the baby monitor and five minutes later Aelin was downstairs with a weepy boy in her arms “Someone else is joining us for dinner.” The five of them had dinner and once they were done the kids moved to the sofa and Aelin gave them her old laptop so they could watch their hour of tv. She and Rowan had never bought a tv and the kids never asked for it but allowed them to watch an hour of cartoons on Netflix in the evening after dinner while they cleaned up. Most of times they got bored after half an hour and went back playing until bed time but when they were tired they did manage their hour. “They are watching Totoro again.” Said Aelin, joining Rowan in the kitchen with a pile of dishes then she grabbed a towel and started drying all the ones he had already washed. “They do love Totoro.” He added smiling. “Morrigan the other day said she wants to study Japanese so she could talk to Totoro and Freyja wants to go in the woods to look for him.” Rowan roared with laughter “I love the idea of studying Japanese, though.” “Our two wonderful weirdos.”Aelin stored away all the dishes. Once they were done they got back in the living room and silence reigned. The laptop was on the carpet and the three kids were are all hugged together on the sofa. Dalamar sleeping on Freyja’s chest like in the scene where Mei sleeps on Totoro’s belly, her arms protectively around her brother’s back. Morrigan was snuggled against her sister, her hand holding one of Freyja’s. Aelin gasped at the scene and Rowan pulled her to him and kissed her head “they are finally fell asleep.” He turned Aelin and held her from behind, his chin on her head and his arms tight around her. “This is it, Buzzard. This is my island dream.” Rowan kissed her temple. “This is my dream too.”

TAG:

@rowaelinismyotp

[magical-awesome-kid]

Just because I was thinking about NADDPOD and the fact that Hardwon of the three boobs has the shortest lifespan, I started to remember that Moonshine LITERALLY teleported them into basically a room in Heaven to have Hardwon visit Elias Sr. So it got me thinking that Hardwon, even when he goes, won’t be out of the story.

Imagine an old, haggard Hardwon who’s stuck around far too long thanks to Magic but his body aches, and it’s hard enough to lift a hammer these days. He’s already passed on the King’s Hammer to his daughter, a little girl who’s a tall dwarf raised amongst the crick folk. She’s made her own name, and Hardwon couldn’t be prouder.

Moonshine and Beverly have also grown, but Moonshine looks hardly a couple years older then she had been all those decades ago. Beverly has become a young Halfling man, but he also appears much younger then his halfling husband, who is the same age.

So when the two are distraught with everyone else, Hardwon is just “don’t forget to visit me” because in his heart he knows better than to think this is the final good bye.

And then he goes... but doesn't.

He meets up with the Dusk Mother, Kord, Pelor, and Moradin. He can smell the Crick in the air, which soon becomes the land, and he knows Melora is there as well.

Hardwon looks like himself right after the world had settled. Sure, he and the others had played roles in other fights, but they also spent much of the rest of his life being teachers and guides to the new generations of heroes. He feels strong and pain-free for the first time in a while.

So the gods sit him down and explain that he’s got a lot of pull in the afterlife. He was one of them, after all, for a short time, and he stabilized the mortal realm. The Dusk Mother doesn’t want him in the Ruby Dawn (formally Hell), but she also knows that he had a ball while being there, and she could keep him in contact with his mother in Shadowfell. Kord, of course, laid claim through his father, and, in recent years, the two have bonded. Pelor owes his heart to the Boobs, and he’s offering a cruise ship with all the solo cups. Moradin was his OG god and looks after all the loves Hardwon has truly had. Melora, there in spirit, reaffirms that his later life was of the Crick, and, even though she has given up her physical form, she can still offer her a place in her eternal tree stump.

Hardwon doesn’t know how long he’s talking it over, especially because time doesn’t exist where they are, but eventually he asks a favor - that they all pitch together. Instead of a cruise ship, he gets a simple air vessel from Pelor, one which his daughter imbues with her own magic to pierce between the realms. There is a permanent slip for the ship at the stump, Kord’s Hall, and Moradin’s forge. Hardwon is the first of the demigods to find home not in one dimension but many, and, over the years, he becomes a kind of mini-god of his own, one of pure hearted adventurers and never-ending spirit.

Of course, after his funeral, Moonshine has NO IDEA where to go, because her and Bev are like “what heaven would he go to???” So they pop down to the Ruby Dawn because the Dusk Mother likes them a lot and also they like to goof off down there on the race tracks she kept just for them and the spirits who race to work out their feelings.

Of course, they find the ship docked to the highest tower and, racing up the stairs, they find a younger Hardwon helping the Dusk Mother with a painting class for some of her wayward spirits, working out emotions through art. It’s One Big Pile On as Bev and Moonshine hug the ever-loving shit out of the man, and they KNOW he’s dead but Ruby Dawn? Like it’s fun but he doesn’t seem to fit here.

He then explains his ship, its power, and how he’s just... continuing to be him. Moonshine puts her scry sigil on the ship so she can always find Hardwon, and over the years Hardwon collects his own crew of adventurers who just can’t let adventure die, and Moonshine and Bev, until their own passings, come visit regularly to update him on the gossip of the mortal realm and bring him Sticky buns.

Moonshine and Bev settle a bit more than Hardwon, in the Stump and with Pelor, but he visits and brings them along whenever they ask.

[thedreadvampy]

look it's very simple most main cast tma characters (except possibly Basira and Sasha and MAYBE Tim) are reacting to not just supernatural trauma but clear, explicit childhood trauma and I think that's important to take into consideration.

Jon evidently came from a difficult place in the first place, and he was taught that he was an unwanted annoyance who'd derailed his grandma's life, that his intelligence was unpleasant, arrogant and inconvenient, and that the worst thing he could do was get in a grown-up's way. Of course he's bad at talking to people about his feelings. Of course he apologises for seemingly random things and tries to hide big problems and power through on his own. He had a really lonely childhood where he felt like an inconvenience, and now in adulthood it's deeply difficult to believe that anybody will help him and not hold it against him. Of course he comes across staid and aloof - he doesn't believe that anyone will like him if he isn't Doing Everything Right. It's so easy in that situation to worry so much about not being a burden that you freeze your friends out even as they can see you spiralling and you end up hurting them when in fact they'd be more than willing to offer help and get you out. It's why addiction is such an easy hole to fall in, because it feels like a way you can be self-sufficient and deal with your feelings without being a burden. Jon ISN'T a very closed off person naturally, he wants to reach out and be close to people, but he's been taught over and over (as many autistic children are) that he's too much, that he takes up too much space, that it's unfair for him to expect people to go out of their way to help him, so he boxes it away and shoves it down and turns to cigarettes, paranoia and denial in an attempt to manage the problem by himself. He's trying so hard to not be the Weird Kid, he's trying to play the part of what he thinks an archivist and a boss should be and blah his way through; he knows believing in weird shit opens the door to all sorts of stuff so he sticks his fingers in his ears and goes LALALA. he's deeply avoidant which ironically is why he often ends up diving in recklessly - it feels safe to only put yourself at risk (you who think you don't particularly matter, are unloved, and are an annoyance anyway) rather than wait and let others get involved and either judge you or get hurt. He didn't tell ANYONE that his encounter with Daisy had hurt him for SEVERAL YEARS because he didn't want to upset anyone. This speaks to me so much of a kid who growing up was always treated as underfoot, in the way, abnormal and with emotions and problems that weren't nearly as significant as the Important Grownup Things. I don't think anyone knew how to help 5 year old Jon with navigating his parents' deaths, and his grandmother's grief at losing her child probably made it very hard for them to connect whether or not she actually resented him the way he thinks she did. He was treated with bitterness and coldness his whole childhood, and he's never been given space to be angry about that because she was doing her best and dealing with a difficult situation, but it certainly left him with an expectation that trying to turn to anyone for emotional help and support will get you in trouble AND is unfair on them. Being with Martin, and indeed all his friendships and relationships, is hard to navigate when you've been taught for so long that exposing your vulnerability will get you yelled at or will upset people. You try to harden up and develop an exoskeleton but you're so chronically soft and in need of help and love so it spills out messy and you don't know how to take the walls down or build better ones up.

Martin's obvious, because his parental abuse is at the centre of his arc and is explicitly spelled out by Elias. He's so sure it's something he's done that's made his dad leave and his mum despise him, and he's hoping against desperate hope that if he can be Good Enough, little enough of a problem, helpful and invaluable, he can make up for whatever chronic flaw in his personality makes him unlovable. Of course he ISN'T unlovable, and none of his parent's treatment of him is his fault, but it's much safer to believe it's your fault and you can change it than it is to believe people who are meant to love you can just not hold up their end of the bargain for reasons totally outside your control. Much like with Jon, Martin has been taught to believe that he's a Problem - where Jon puts up walls and tries to be aggressively separate, Martin tries as hard as he can to prove himself Useful and Valuable while walling off an excess of humanity. Honestly though Martin's coping with it better than Jon throughout the series because he knows what it is and he's TRYING to push past the impulse to Not Be A Bother and actually let people love him. But he's still seeing the world through the lens of someone who's spent his whole life believing that the only way he'll deserve love is to become invaluable, to be useful, to be caring, to be needed, to be all give and no take, and that's not sustainable. And how much must it knock him back from trusting enough to ask for help when his boss (leave aside the love interest bit) talks about him like he's a buffoon and a waste of space however hard he's trying to be helpful and valuable, just like his mum has for years? Finding out that you matter enough to that person for him to risk his life to save you, and to really truly see you, goes a long way towards showing you that you're not always right to assume that people are lying when they say nice things about you and honest when they say cruel things about you - sometimes you are genuinely loved by people who ALSO see you as flawed. and while obviously after that the circumstances are very different I think we've seen Martin become more comfortable with his own tendency to acidity and sarcasm, anger and messy feelings, around not just Jon but in general (although also I can't talk about this without as usual observing how weird it is that people read Martin as sweet, servile and wimpy when he's consistently tough, sarcastic and brave AS WELL AS deeply lacking in confidence, afraid of conflict, emotionally giving, and terminally people-pleasing. He's right when he repeatedly says people underestimate him and don't see him - it's weird that the fandom is a big culprit of that)

Speaking of characters whose trauma responses are often overlooked, Melanie doesn't talk much about her pre-statement life but she's clear that it hasn't been good, and that other than her dad she's had nobody in the world she can trust. I am positive that her childhood was marked by parental abuse/neglect to at least a certain degree, because she was willing to kill her mum/let her die without much compunction (I THINK that's the implication of Elias' line about her mum's life insurance paying for her dad's care). To me (projecting), Melanie's fear of losing control of her own anger speaks to somebody who grew up in a volatile and probably physically violent home, and I suspect her mother was struggling to cope and lashing out at Melanie and her dad. (I also think that while it's unlikely to be made explicit because Jonny generally shies away from talking it writing about sexual abuse, that it's very probable that Melanie experienced adolescent sex abuse from some source and wasn't protected or supported. That's pure conjecture though based on how she acts.) I think she's definitely had issues with everyone in her family except her dad when it comes to her sexuality and that she's been largely estranged for a long time, and I think those are the kinds of things which, coupled with abuse and sidelining in adulthood, leave you with a lot of rage and nowhere to put it, and with a huge amount of difficulty trusting people. Undeniably, Melanie has been on the sharp end of other people's violent anger often enough to be really, really wary of ever giving her own anger free rein, or losing control of herself.

We don't know much about Daisy's childhood beyond what happened with Calvin (Pretty Damn Traumatic), but I think what I find interesting about Daisy is that she's definitely someone who, like many girls, struggled with that point in childhood where you're supposed to Stop Liking Boy (Fun) Things and Become A Girl. I think it's safe to say that Daisy was fairly subject to bullying and alienation in primary school, and I think people often overlook how badly that affects you your whole life. But also to be severely injured and traumatised, to tell people what happened, and to not be believed? That leaves marks. Marks that teach you that you can't trust that justice will be served, and you have to take the law into your own hands. I think there's also a lot of the Gendered Traumas happening around Daisy - she clearly has a conflicted relationship with femininity - but that's another post.

[beholdme]

All the Many Shades of Gerry - Chapter 13

Chapters: 13/19

Fandom: The Magnus Archives (Podcast)

Rating: Teen And Up Audiences

Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply

Relationships: Martin Blackwood/Gerard Keay/Jonathan “Jon” Sims | The Archivist, Martin Blackwood/Gerard Keay, Martin Blackwood/Jonathan “Jon” Sims | The Archivist, Gerard Keay/Jonathan “Jon” Sims | The Archivist

Characters: Martin Blackwood, Jonathan “Jon” Sims | The Archivist, Gerard Keay, Tim Stoker (The Magnus Archives), Sasha James, Gertrude Robinson, Elias Bouchard

Additional Tags: Alternate Universe, Library AU, Librarian Jon, Artist Gerry, Trans Male Character, Trans Martin Blackwood, Canon Asexual Character, Asexual Jonathan “Jon” Sims | The Archivist, Ace Subtype - Sex Positive, Polyamory, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Romantic Fluff, Falling In Love, Boys in Skirts, Kissing, Demisexual Gerard Keay, Minor Character Death, Past Character Death, Canon-Typical Child Neglect, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Flirting, Minor Jonathan “Jon” Sims | The Archivist/Tim Stoker, Adventures in Hair Dying, Happy Ending, Banter, Gerry has a lot of sass, Gerard Keay is Morticia Adams, Jon is a very grumpy Librarian, Martin adores them anyway.

Summary: In which Gerry is a kaleidoscope and Jon and Martin can’t help falling in love with him.

He happens to love them back.

Find it on Ao3

[1] [2] [3] [4] [5] [6] [7] [8] [9] [10] [11] [12]

If someone had asked Martin where he had least expected to be on the day after his thirtieth birthday, the veterinarian probably wouldn’t have been at the top of his list, but it definitely would have made the top ten.

Honestly, Martin didn’t think he had ever stepped foot into a vet clinic before in his life. He had never owned so much as a pet hamster, and now here he stood, clutching a tiny ball of mewling fluff and trying not to get distracted by the pet toys.

He felt positively inundated with new information on all sides. There were about a million different types of pet food lining the walls, and everything seemed to be a new bright colour to draw his distracted eyes. Warning signs that made very little sense to him filled the space, most memorably ‘Large birds must be kept leashed at all times inside the practice’, and ‘Reptiles need to be secured inside their travel enclosures.’

There was indeed an iguana in a massive glass enclosure sunning itself under a heat lamp, but it appeared to be a permanent resident, not a guest. Seemingly opposite to this was the massive tabby cat draped across the reception desk.

Martin begins to panic slightly.

He desperately wished he had allowed one of his lovers to accompany him, but he had sent Gerry back to bed to sleep and Jon had been shooed off to work, both quite thoroughly hung-over.

Now here he stands, alone with his new fluffy friend, and doesn't even know where to start. Neither of his partners have ever actually had a kitten before, but at least they had both owned cats before.

Gerry had been adopted by Saturn as a full-grown boy when he arrived at the window of his shitty little flat in Edinburgh and demanded to be let in. Gerry had confessed to a romantic feeling of instant affection for the fluffy beast and had taken Saturn in without a moment’s hesitation. They had moved together as he traveled the country, eventually settling together in London, where he had found Jon again.

Jon had been raised with several cats that had all been born before him and had liked them, but he had told Martin once that he heavily associated cats with his Grandmother and his slightly cold upbringing. That was all the pet experience he had until he met Saturn and fell in love with him as easily as they’d both fallen in love with Gerry. Like goth, like feline companion, apparently.

Nevertheless, Saturn did not appreciate being taken to the vet and had never gone once since Martin had met him.

"Can I help you, sir?" A kind-looking older lady sat at reception, and she beaconed Martin forward gently.

"I- I-" He started, stuttering badly. He closed his eyes and shook himself to dispel the unfortunate remnant of his childhood. “I found this kitten, and I was hoping the vet could check on it for me?”

“And will you be wanting to surrender it into our care?” She asks, tapping away at her keyboard.

“What?” Martin shies away, pulling the cat protectively even closer to his chest.

“You’re more than welcome to keep it, but we do also take in strays if you aren’t able to.” She smiles at him soothingly.

“Oh, I want to keep her please.” Martin flushes a bit. “I already gave her a name.”

The woman smiles at him knowingly. “The vet can see you in 15 minutes then.”

She takes his contact information, and they weigh Martin’s new friend. She guesses the kitten's age to be about 2 weeks and sends him off to sit close to the iguana.

*

An hour later, Martin stumbles out the door, armed with more supplies than he could ever have imagined he needed to raise one small animal. His head is spinning, alternating between fond adoration and complete anxiety over this new task that he has given himself. Luna meows at him supportively, happy to be clean and have a full belly.

Out on the street, he finds Jon. It’s raining slightly, and he’s wrapped in a long peacoat, with a scarf Martin is certain was once his.

“What are you doing here?” Martin demands, shocked. He stumbles over to his partner, and Jon reaches out to steady him. “I thought you were at the library."

Jon presses a quick kiss to his shocked mouth, before taking several things out of his overcrowded arms.

"I know you said that you were going to do this on your own, but I wanted to be nearby in case you needed me, so I called off." He shrugs a bit, "I reckoned that I had earned it, what with all the overtime I work and don't get paid for."

Martin is filled with warmth, eyes welling a bit. "Oh, Jon."

"Oh no, don't cry. I'm sorry." Jon's face pinches in concern. "I can go if you want me to."

"No, I'm so happy you're here. I was just wishing for you, and there you were. Thank you." Martin steps towards him as best he can, and they kiss softly for a few moments, out in the rain.

In time, the kitten, haphazardly clutched to Martin's chest, makes her displeasure at the soggy conditions known. Gripping hands tightly, Jon and Martin set off towards the bookstore, just a couple blocks over.

It’s quiet when they arrive, the morning pre-work rush over, and the student and lunch crowds far off yet. The two baristas and Tim descend upon them immediately when they see the small head poking out of Martin’s coat. There is much cooing and fuss over Luna, and Martin recounts the tale of discovering her in the back alley of Gerry’s bar.

Once they return to work, Jon and Martin settle on one of the sofas, a coffee table before them. They make up a small cat bed, which Luna explores for a few moments, before sitting at the edge and staring at Martin imploringly. He scopes her up and plops her inside, before placing the tiny bed right in his lap. She happily passes out after that, the wild adventures of the morning catching up with her little kitten body.

Deciding to truly have the day off, Jon does not take out his laptop and start working on it, instead ordering their tea, picking a book to read from the store, and bringing it all over to settle with his partner.

“Thank you for coming,” Martin tells him, a soft look on his face. He leans an elbow on the back of the couch, head resting on his fist. “I didn’t even realise how much I needed you until I saw you there.”

“I know,” Jon starts, frowning in concentration, “that I’m not always the best at sensing these things, that sometimes I can be too focused on myself and the things going on in my head. I do hope that I always manage to catch the important moments, and I trust that you’ll always let me know when I don’t.”

Jon pauses, and sighs, a self-deprecating smile lining his face. He continues, “I want to learn to be who you need me to be. I want to be for you, what you always are to me. I love you, Martin.”

“I love you too, Jon.” Martin squeezes Jon’s hand, before placing a sweet kiss in his palm. “You are exactly who I need you to be.”

It is a soft, hazy sort of day. The rain pours outside, and Jon lies against Martin and reads two books before lunchtime. Martin practices bottle-feeding Luna, every few hours, and Jon sits nearby watching nervously. He wonders vaguely if his partner is alarmed to be around an infant of any kind for a while, but on the third feeding, Jon seems to rouse himself and offers to give it a try.

Each time a new client comes in, there's a round of cooing and petting, and Martin worries that she’ll be spoiled rotten in no time. He imagines that if she spends much time here, he’ll have to sell cat treats and Luna will one day be as fat as a house.

At one point, Jon starts to read aloud, and Martin seems to fall asleep gently propped against his shoulder. He wakes to find Jon laughing softly and Luna learning to use him as a climbing frame.

"I think she likes you, love," Martin whispers into his hair.

"Well, I think I might like her too," Jon confesses, a world away from his scepticism of just this morning.

After lunchtime, Gerry flies into the store very manically, clutching a very strange backpack to his chest. It has a weird clear window, reminiscent of a ship’s porthole, and the rest of it is hard structured plastic.

He ducks down to kiss first Martin, then Jon, before thrusting the backpack into Martin's hands.

"What is this?" Martin asks, holding it away from himself as if it might bite.

"It's a cat backpack. Saturn has always preferred it to a normal cat basket, and I thought it might be useful if we need to take her to work with us and then back to various flats." Gerry walks around the table, bodily picking up Jon's legs and sitting beneath them. He looks like nothing so much as a large, damp bat, black trench coat flapping around him like over large wings. "I ordered her one of her own, but it won't be here for a few days, so I brought Saturn's in the meantime."

There's a beat of shocked silence, so Gerry adds, "Only if you want it, obviously."

"I- I do, thank you." Martin can feel himself blushing with odd pleasure.

He had made sure to ask them if they were okay with Martin keeping Luna, but he hadn't really expected them to embrace the situation with such gusto, and his heart burns with an odd intensity at their gestures of support.

It's almost-

It's almost like they love him, and care about all the things he cares about.

Martin sits, staring at a cat backpack, and allows the realisation to wash over him. It hits him like a tidal wave, despite the dozens and maybe hundreds of times they've said the words to him.

He feels very foolish, left floored by the fact that his lovers- well, that they love him!

Martin knows, understands even, that he has been left slightly broken by his father leaving, his mother hating him, the things that he chose to do to survive in his early adulthood. He does understand that, and yet he never realized that he was hearing Jon and Gerry say they love him and saying the words back, and yet subtly holding on to the (clearly mistaken) understanding that they don't really mean them.

It makes a sick kind of sense, clinging to the idea that they don't really care about him, so when they decide that they don't anymore, it doesn't leave him broken beyond repair.

Martin puts the cat bag down on the table, hands Luna to Gerry, and gets up. He waves at them reassuringly when they try to ask him what's wrong, before walking to the bathroom, locking the door, and sobbing like a child for several long moments.

*

As Luna grows, she spends time with each of them.

Gerry takes her most of the first nights, feeding her through the evenings and then handing her back to Martin as he leaves for the bookstore.

This means she spends quite a lot of her formative life in a bar, but when Martin goes in to check on them, he finds Gerry's plastered clientele just as enamored with the kitten as his own tea-drinking patrons.

Jon likes to have her in the late afternoons, keeping her at the library for a few sleepy hours before he leaves for the day. He tells Martin once that the children's reading group comes in during that time, and he likes to sit in with them and let Luna listen along.

The children, of course, adore her and Jon tells Martin very primly, "Listening comprehension is a very important skill in a developing infant."

Martin finds it hilarious and adorable and can't help but pull Jon into his arms and kiss him breathless, an unimpressed Luna trapped between them.

Saturn does not appreciate Luna at first, disappearing in a huff the first few times Martin brings her over to the studio.

"Don't worry about it, love." Gerry had waved away his concern casually. "He's just a jealous baby. He'll figure out that she wants to play with him eventually, and then they'll be the best of friends."

Indeed, Martin walks into the kitchen one morning to find the two cats curled together in a shaft of sunshine. Saturn is gently giving her a bath, and Luna purrs sweetly at the attention.

When Saturn notices him watching, he untangles himself, shows Martin his bum, and then disappears. He's reminded of nothing so much as Gerry himself, caught eating ice cream for breakfast, or smoking during the day, an activity he would insist is a nighttime pursuit only. The same drama is employed as a distraction technique, and Martin wonders whether the cat learnt it from the goth, or the goth learnt it from the cat.

Luna grows and settles, and Martin adores having her more than almost anything.

He takes the time, as they raise her, to force himself to accept his life for what it truly is. He puts aside the constant nagging fear that Jon and Gerry will lose interest in him one day and begins to notice all the ways they show him they love him, which makes the words all the more precious to him when they take the time to tell him.

[zykaben]

📂 martin blackwood!

One of my headcanons for Martin is that he has truly awful self-esteem/self-worth issues. I know that this isn’t exactly a new, scorching hot take, but I want to get into this because I have thoughts on it.

Warnings for self-worth/-esteem issues, and emotional child abuse (this is a look at Martin’s mom so. Comes with the territory).

We already know that Martin’s relationship with his mother has left him with some serious issues, namely feeling like he needs to take care of others, up to and including sacrificing himself for other characters he cares about. A lot of analyses and fics delve into this, but most of the ones that I’ve seen (because I do not have access to everything ever about Martin Blackwood, as much as I would like to) focus more on season 4, rather than something that has affected him for a long time beforehand.

Now, up until the season 3 finale, Martin is in denial about his mother hating him, believes her to be stubborn and being angry because of her illness. And that moment that Elias forces him to see and feel his mother’s hatred for him as if it were his own is extremely traumatizing. However, I also like to believe that everything that led up to this one moment was just as—if not more—traumatizing to Martin.

It is so painfully easy to imagine a younger Martin rambling about spiders before his mother irritably cuts him off, tells him to be quiet. For Martin’s takeaway from this encounter to not be “oh, she hates me,” but to end up being “she doesn’t care about this topic or she’s tired, so maybe if I try to talk later about something that she likes more it’ll go over better.”

I can imagine Martin trying to care for her, bringing her a meal, only to be rebuffed without any real explanation. He wouldn’t start thinking that she hates him. No, he must have brought the wrong kind of food, she’s not hungry, it’s a bad day for her.

I can imagine a thousand encounters like that, steadily growing more frequent and harsher as the years go by. And that only makes sense, doesn’t it? She’s getting sicker and older. It makes perfect sense.

What I’m getting at here is that Martin, for years, has loved his mother through thick and thin, and most of it has been very thick. And all he gets back is hurt and pain, but he doesn’t think that she doesn’t love him back, not really. Oh, I fully believe that the thought had crossed his mind, but love is such a complicated thing. You can love someone completely and wholly while still being the cause of unfathomable pain for that person. Martin knows this, has internalized it. His mother’s actions hurt him, yes, but she loves him. She’s doing the best that she can, given the circumstances.

So now we have Martin, someone who dearly loves his mother and believes that she loves him back, even though she’s hurting him. And here’s the thing with people who act cold and cruel: you start seeing kindness and affection in acts that are neither of those things.

So Martin’s mother may be difficult and rejects his help, but that’s just her being her, not because of Martin. So when she accepts his help, eats the meals he prepares, doesn’t get angry or talk down to him—that’s all her caring about him, isn’t it? That’s proof that she loves him, because he’s the exception to her hostility, not the cause of it. He takes care of her and she accepts his help and that’s what’s important here, not the rest of it.

This has Martin basing pretty much all of his self-worth in his ability to take care of others. And I mean all of it. Because that’s how he’s grown up, what his whole life has been like since his dad has left. He has no other way to seek validation, to affection, no love. So he has to project it into the times his mother isn’t actively being the absolute fucking worst. And the only time he’s around to see that is when he is taking care of her, because otherwise she doesn’t even want to acknowledge that he exists, let alone see him.

Please, try to imagine what that would do to you for a second. What it would be like having someone you love with all of your heart degrading before your eyes, and the only times that you even see them is when you’re taking care of them. All of your positive interactions with that person will then only ever happen when you’re taking care of them. And you tell yourself that’s enough because this person loves you, that it’s not fair of you to ask for more of them when they’re sick and can’t get better, after their spouse left them.

I don’t know about you, but that would fuck me up irrevocably. And I think it did that to Martin.

He’s been told for most of his life—every fucking day after his dad left—that he is only ever good for taking care of others, for what he can offer them. That people will only ever care about what he can give them, not about who he is. And I can’t imagine that wasn’t exacerbated by Elias’ sadistic reveal—she hated him, Martin. She wanted to be taken care of, but her problem was Martin.

So Martin has had all of this drilled into him for two decades, that taking care of someone is how you make them like you. And now he’s learned that those moments of projected-affection from his mother were despite him, not because of him. That his care-taking is the only reason she put up with him, a person that she hates.

Martin has been told time and time again that he’s only ever worth as much as his ability to take care of other people. That he has to constantly fight against who he is if he ever wants people to care about him in turn. That’s just how love works for him, how it’s always worked for him. If he can’t take care of someone, why the hell would they care about him back? This is what he’s good for, the only reason that anyone would like him.

Why would people want to invite him along to stuff? Why would someone want to do something nice for him back? That doesn’t fit in with what he knows, what he’s been taught. And so he expects to be left behind, to only ever be cared about in the vague sense that someone cares about other people in general.

This is why he’s so surprised when Jon offers the cot—why would he have done that? Martin has hardly done anything to help him and he is fully aware that Jon doesn’t like him. But he accepts, of course he does, because Prentiss is terrifying and it’s a genuinely good offer, and maybe also because it’s so nice and novel to be cared about back, if only for a moment. This is why he’s so ready to sacrifice himself for others, because his worth comes from helping, and if that means he gets fucked over in the end, well, at least it’s something.

Martin’s mother is the root of so many of his insecurities and his self-sacrificing nature. And why wouldn’t she be? She’s been beating him over the head with them since before Martin ever even heard of the Magnus Institute.

In summary: I think Martin’s issues with his mother run deep and have actively reinforced the idea that Martin himself is not worthy of love unless he is working himself down to the bone for it.

[aegonbeingfakeisracist]

Rhaenys would be so much more interesting not just because of her memories of her father and relationship to Westerosi characters, but also because she is the descendant of not just old Valyria, but the Rhoynish. Imagine her saying that she is the blood of the Rhoyne and placing equal importance in her mother’s ancestry. And imagine the impact of Rhaenys surviving and returning on Jaime, Arianne, & Ned. Her surviving would be impactful because ppl knew her as a child, not just her pregnant mom.

YUP.

Theoretically, some of that same stuff could apply to Aegon, but he’s being raised by someone that didn’t care for Elia. There’s a reason that in Rhaenys lives fics, she’s almost never raised by JonCon - her being raised by her uncles or Ashara would allow her to have a real connection to her maternal heritage in a way that Aegon just can’t. I remember someone - @azullarks, I think? - talking about the destructive power of ice and fire and how it would be very cool if the Dornish played a major role in the rebuilding of Westeros because of the constructive power of Rhoynish water magic, and I just love that. How cool could that be with Rhaenys rejecting her father’s fire for her mother’s water?

I love that point about the impact of Rhaenys’s return on these other characters. The thing about Aegon is that even if he is exactly who he says he is, he was an infant at the end of the war when he supposedly died. He might not have even been walking yet! For almost all his life up until that point, there was a war going on. People did not know him. But Rhaenys was old enough for people to have real memories of who she was. It could have been so powerful to see how they react to her, especially because of her resemblance to Elia.

Rhaenys, Arianne, and the Sand Snakes make ten girl cousins. In addition to that, Arianne has two brothers. The odds are very much in favour of Rhaenys looking similar to one of these people. So meeting Rhaenys would make everything that happened so much more real to Arianne, who can’t remember her cousin. Arianne doesn’t remember holding Rhaenys, but she’s been told she did. It would be so, so good for her to actually meet her and be struck by how much she looks like a Martell. And if Arianne met Rhaenys, maybe Obara and Nymeria did, too - I think I even made a post once about how I think it’s implied that Nym had more of a relationship with Elia than her sisters or Arianne. It would be so cool to see how that influences decisions and interactions. It would be a very, very different kind of story, and one that I think would be incredibly cool. Much more interesting to me than for Arianne to meet Dany, who she has no reason to care about.

Jaime, too, is interesting. I think I’ve commenting on how much of a cop out I think it is that he doesn’t have any thoughts on the little girl he was supposed to protect or the woman that was a fellow hostage that in another life he might have married. But if he continued to not have thoughts on them in a world where Rhaenys lived, it would go past cop out into just plain terrible writing. Him reacting to her could be so cool. I’ve argued that some parts of the text can be taken as evidence that coming face to face with Aegon will force him to confront his self perception and prove what he claims - that he didn’t think Tywin would hurt Elia and her children. It would be the ultimate test of character and who he truly is. Jaime has been wilfully ignorant and complicit in his family’s awful acts for years now, in addition to his own terrible acts. He was a grown man when he lied to Tyrion about Tysha. He was even older when he pushed Bran out a window. Older still when he was willing to hunt down Arya and kill her or chop off her hand. As readers, we can see that he’s deluding himself about his father and has continued to do that long after Elia and her children’s murders in a way that becomes a lot more wilful and less genuinely unable to see it. Maybe when he was seventeen, he thought what Tywin did to the Reynes, the Tarbecks, Tytos’s mistress were all just flukes and there was still a line he wouldn’t cross. But as an adult in his thirties, coming face to face with Rhaenys, who he knew and had to have interacted with? It could have been so cool.

The thing about Rhaenys - and Aegon, too, though to a lesser degree - is that they’re connected to Aerys, too. Jaime specifically thought about how Aerys’s blood was in Aegon when he was asked who should be crowned. They’re also defined repeatedly as Rhaegar’s kids. So if Rhaenys had lived, you’d have the conflict between hatred of Aerys, complicated feelings about Rhaegar, and fond memories of the sweet little girl herself. Whereas Dany wasn’t even born at the time. It’s just...Rhaenys had so much potential, it kills me that that’s just glossed over.

[cristinablackthornkingson]

Shadowhunters Short Story #68.

It is a warm July day in 1911 when Alastair Carstairs begins to notice his sister Cordelia, acting very strange. It starts out with Cordelia being unable to join him or their friends on patrol or to go visit their mother, father and little sister, as often due to her being under the whether frequently. According to James, it is nothing to worry about but Brother Zachariah encouraged Cordelia to rest as much as possible.

Then once Cordelia was not so sick all the time, Alastair noticed she began to wear dresses that were just a bit too big for her. After that, he noticed that Cordelia was always holding something in front of her, when she sat down it was often a cushion, when she was standing up and walking around she would often hold a book in front of her stomach, and the few times she was not holding something in front of her, she would have her hands on her stomach.

It took him a while, but now Alastair is starting to put the pieces together and is almost certain he has figured out why Cordelia is being so secretive. She and James have been married for 2 years now, they have both spoken about wanting children and he has often caught James resting his hand on Cordelia’s stomach too, Alastair is certain that his sister is expecting, and he is going to get her to tell him one way or the other. 

Currently the siblings are sitting in the living room of The London Institute, waiting for the others to get back from patrol, while Tessa and Will have gone to Wales for the day, to commemorate the anniversary of the death of Will’s parents.  Cordelia is sitting on the sofa, once again holding a cushion in front of her stomach, as she reads a book. 

“Layla?” Aalstair asks, setting his own book down and looking at his sister.

“Yes?” Cordelia answers, turning the page of her book. 

“Why are you holding that cushion in front of you like that?” Cordelia blushes and tries to continue on with her book. 

“Oh, um, no reason, I just like to hold something while I read.” She attempts to divert her brother’s suspicions. 

“Oh yes? Well why a cushion, is it not rather bulky and in the way? Why not hold a pen or something of the like?” Alastair asks. 

“The cushion is comfortable, it gives me something to rest the book on.” Cordelia tells him in an unconvincing tone. 

“Alright I will give you that but it does not explain why you are always holding a book in front of you when you stand and walk, or hide behind James or Thomas, or why I have seen you holding your stomach, or indeed why you were so sick a few weeks ago and have not gone out with Anna or on patrol at all for about 3 months now.” Alastair lists off all the suspicious things Cordelia has done the last few months. Right away, Cordelia knows her cover is blown. 

“I... I.....” Cordelia falters. Alastair grins knowingly. 

“You’re expecting, aren’t you?” Cordelia smiles lightly and nods, pushing the cushion away from her stomach and resting her hand on her stomach. 

“We found out almost right away, but we did not want to tell anyone until later in the pregnancy, in case I lost the baby, we did not want to have to tell everyone that horrible news. We were going to wait a few more weeks, but I do not think it will be possible, I am only three months and already showing.” Cordelia softly says. 

“You are happy, aren’t you?” Alastair warily asks, fully prepared to kill James Herondale if he has made Cordelia upset or unhappy in anyway. 

“Oh yes, I am absolutely thrilled! Jamie is too, we have been so eager to tell you all.” Cordelia says in a joyful tone, her face lighting up with joy and excitement, making Alastair relax.

“I am very happy for you Layla, you are going to be a wonderful mother and I cannot wait to be a Uncle, I will be the baby’s favorite, of course, you know how babies love me, I think Evie loves me more than she loves mama and papa.” Alastair jokes, his smile widening as he thinks of his beloved baby sister, little 7 year old Evangelina Esta Carstairs, who is Cordelia’s double, except for her dark hair, which is just like Alastair’s. 

“You will have to fight Matthew for the position of favorite Uncle, he will have the little one in the best clothes the world has to offer and keep him in good supply of poetry and plays.” Cordelia says in an amused tone. She knows Matthew is likely going to be the most excited out of all of their friends, now he has been clean and sober for 5 years, and is the most wonderful big brother to his little twin sisters, Jane and Matilda, he will certainly enjoy being an Uncle to Cordelia and James’ baby. 

“Oh I will find a way to beat him, don’t fret. Do you know if it is a boy or a girl? Have you told anyone else?” Alastair asks. 

“It’s a boy, the only other person who knows is Jem, he was the one he told me I am expecting, though as I said, I doubt I will be able to hide my bump for much longer so we will likely have to tell everyone else soon.” Cordelia says, caressing her stomach softly. Already she feels incredibly bonded with her baby, she never knew he could love someone as much as she loves this baby inside of her, and he is not even a fully grown person yet. 

“Mama is going to be thrilled, and so is James’ father, a child that is half Carstairs half Herondale, he will be over the moon.” Alastair grins, imagining Will Herondale’s reaction when he finds out he is going to be a grandfather.  Cordelia laughs and nods her agreement. 

“Yes he will, I think I am most looking forward to his reaction. What about you and Thomas, do you want to have children?” Cordelia asks. Alastair and Thomas have been together for 5 years now, they are very happy together and all their friends and family are supportive and loving, well except for Elias, he does not accept or acknowledge that his son is with another man, and only ever refers to Thomas as Alastair’s friend. It is very painful and upsetting for Alastair, and Cordelia and Sona are forever trying to get him to open his mind, they are both just so very happy that Alastair is now happy and in a healthy relationship with someone who truly loves him, they do not understand how Elias can be so close-minded. 

“Perhaps, we would not be opposed to it, but obviously it is not as simple for us to have a child as it is for a man and a woman, but we know adoption is an option and we are open to the idea of having children at some point.” Alastair tells her. 

“Well if you ever do, I know you will be a wonderful father.” Cordelia softly says, reaching out to squeeze her brother’s hand. No doubt Alastair has fears and worries that he will be a terrible father just like Elias, or that he will end up favoring a daughter over a son, like how Elias clearly favors Cordelia and always has. 

Alastair smiles weakly and squeezes his sister’s hand in return.

“Thank you Layla, that means a lot to me.”

A few weeks later, Cordelia really starts to show and she realizes her bump is going to be impossible to hide from now on, so they decide to tell their friends and family. When they walk into the room above The Devil’s Tavern that James, Christopher, Thomas and Matthew still rent, with Cordelia no longer trying to conceal her stomach, they plan to sit their friends down and tell them the good news, however they never get the chance. 

The moment they step through the door, Matthew looks to them and his eyes immediately travel to Cordelia’s swollen stomach. His hand flies up to cover his mouth, and a few seconds later, at the top of his lungs, Matthew yells

“Cordelia is expecting!” This of course, immediately draws everyone else’s’ attention. 

“Thank you Math, now all of London knows, likely all of England.” James grumbles with a roll of his eyes. 

“I am sorry Jamie but I... I am just so happy for you!” Matthew exclaims. 

“Are you really? Expecting, that is?” Thomas asks, avoiding being rude and staring at Cordelia’s stomach, unlike Christopher who is gawping at her like he has never seen a pregnant woman before. 

“Yes I am, a little boy, in January.” Cordelia gleefully says, her hand resting underneath her stomach. 

“Oh that is absolutely wonderful! Congratulations!” Thomas says, getting up to embrace both Cordelia and Jamie. “How are you feeling Cordelia? Do you need to sit? You can have my seat.” Thomas kindly offers. For all intents and purposes, Cordelia is his sister-in-law, as well as a very close and dear friend. He knows from talking to his mother, that pregnancy can be very difficult and harsh on a person’s body. Sophie herself had suffered greatly while carrying Thomas, and Eugenia had suffered terribly when she was expecting her first child last year.

Before Cordelia can reply, she feels a prodding sensation around her lower stomach and looks down in confusion, only to see Christopher with his brow furrowed, studying her stomach, clearly having just poked her. 

“Christopher.” Cordelia weary says. “Did you just poke my stomach?” Christopher blinks up at her from behind his glasses, his eyes wide and full of concentration and intrigue. 

“Hm? Oh! Yes, did I hurt you?” He asks, completely oblivious to James trying to conceal his anger and not lunge at his cousin.

“Bloody hell Kit.” Thomas grumbles, covering his face in embarrassment, while Matthew laughs himself silly.

“Um, no it did not hurt but I would rather you did not touch my stomach at all.” Cordelia tries her best to keep her tone calm and civil, she knows Christopher is not being rude intentionally, he means no harm and is simply curious, but nevertheless Cordelia does not like being touched out of nowhere, and she most certainly does not like Christopher poking her stomach while she is 5 months pregnant. 

“Why not?” Christopher innocently asks. 

“It could hurt the baby, for one thing.” Cordelia says, pushing Christopher’s hand away when he tries to touch her stomach again. 

“Kit, you know how you very much dislike when your mama fusses over you, kissing your cheek and ruffling your hair and such?” Thomas calmly asks. Christopher nods. He adores his mother but is not too fond of the fact that she loves to kiss his cheek and leave a lipstick stain there, and call him all sorts of pet names, her favorite being ‘My genius little boy’, especially in public, around others. No one in The Clave takes him seriously for a number of reasons, no doubt his mother’s constant fussing is one of them. 

“Well Cordelia does not like you touching her the same way you do not like your mama fussing over you.” Thomas explains. 

“Oh I see, I am sorry Cordelia, I was just curious about the baby, I did not meant to be rude or upset you.” Christopher apologies, earning a warm smile from Cordelia. It is hard to stay mad at Christopher, he is such a sweetheart.

“That’s quite alright Kit, just refrain from doing it again.” 

“Well now that that is sorted, I have a question. I am going to be the little chap’s Godfather, right?” Matthew hopefully asks from his position stretched out on one of the couches. 

“No, I should be Godfather, I am the most sensible out of us three and will not encourage the little fellow to do reckless things, unlike you Matthew.” Thomas argues, surprising everyone, seeing as Thomas is very much not the argumentative sort.

“I think I should be Godfather, Matthew you are already the twins’ Godfather,and Tom you are Benjamin’s Godfather, I am nobody’s, so therefore I should be Godfather to Cordelia and James’ baby.” Christopher points out. 

“Sorry boys, but I am afraid that non of you are going to be this little one’s Godfather, we are going to ask Alastair.” Cordelia softly says. She has no doubt that Alastair will be a wonderful guide and inspiration to his nephew, and she knows that if anything were to happen to her or Jamie, Alastair would raise his nephew with just as much love and care as Cordelia and James would, and would bring him up to be a wonderful and amazing person.

“I am very insulted and utterly heartbroken! I hope you are proud of yourselves James and Cordelia Herondale, you have absolutely shattered my heart and all my hopes and dreams, I shall never recover!” Matthew cries dramatically, throwing his head back and throwing his arm over his face, all the while fake sobbing.  

“Shadowhunting is wasted on you Math, you would be an excellent actor.” James says, shaking his head at Matthew’s antics. 

“Oh I know, it is absolutely dreadful! I belong on the stage, not in battle!” Matthew exclaims, peeking at James through the gap between his arm and face. 

Cordelia and James spend a few more hours with The Merry Thieves, before they decide to pay Will and Tessa a visit at The Institute and tell them about the baby. 

As predicted, both Tessa and Will are utterly thrilled, especially Will who is delighted that his first grandchild will be half Carstairs and half Herondale, and Tessa is very happy that the baby is due around the time of her birthday, these last few years birthdays have been bittersweet for Tessa, though there is only a year between she and Will, Will is starting to show his age, while Tessa looks exactly as she did at 21. 

Of course it is not that Will is going gray and getting wrinkles that upsets Tessa, she will always love him no matter what, but every sign of aging that Will shows and she does not, reminds her that one day in the not too far future, she will loose Will and she will never be able to have the comfort of knowing that one day they will meet again. However, knowing that this year she will have a sweet and beautiful grandchild to love, makes the idea of her birthday a lot less frightening and painful. 

The months fly by, with Cordelia receiving check ups from Jem every few weeks. James wanted to decorate the nursery by himself, insisting that Cordelia should rest and let him do all the hard work, however one steely look from his wife and James relented, and together the two of them decorated the nursery, often ending the day with Cordelia sat in the rocking chair under the window of the nursery, with James kneeling by her side, his head bent to her stomach as he talks to the baby and reads to him. 

Just two days before her due date, Cordelia feels the first contraction, when walking through Hyde Park with Lucie, discussing Lucie’s first novel that was published just weeks before. When Cordelia felt the first pain, it sends Lucie into a right panic, one would think she is giving birth, not Cordelia. Lucie quickly helps her parabatia back to the carriage, where Cyril Tanner’s son Edward Tanner, is waiting. Edward was born just a few months before Lucie, and like his father he now serves the Shadowhunters at The London Institute, his main duty being chauffeur, like his father.

Just 2 hours after feeling the first pain, Cordelia gave birth to her son, a beautiful and perfect little boy who is the very image of his father, with thick black hair just like James, brown skin like Cordelia and somehow, big grey eyes, just like Tessa.

While Tessa and Lucie stayed with Cordelia while she labored, James, Matthew, Christopher, Thomas, Anna, Alastair and Ariadne waited outside, in the small area that they use as a waiting room for the infirmary. The boys had come to support James and meet their nephew as soon as possible, while Anna had shown up to keep the peace, knowing James would likely be very on edge and snap at someone, causing a row, and Ariadne had come to help her wife keep the peace, and to be another person to help Cordelia (who she is close friends with) if she so wanted. Before they came to The Institute, Anna and Ariadne had dropped Benjamin off with Cecily and Gabriel, who were thrilled to spend time with their grandson.

Undoubtedly, the two most nervous people in the room are James and Alastair, James worried about his wife and son, while Alastair is concerned for his little sister and his nephew. James has been pacing up and down the length of the room practically the whole time, wincing every time he hears Cordelia scream in pain, from the infirmary. 

Alastair meanwhile, has sat quietly the whole time, worrying at his lip, also wincing every time there is a yell of pain. 

Now, as he sits thinking of his sister and wanting to do anything and everything he can to relieve her pain, Alastair feels a warm hand land on his shoulder, and he turns to see Ariadne sitting beside him and looking at him with concern.

 Years ago, when Charles broke off his engagement with Ariadne and Alastair broke off his relationship with Charles, Ariadne and Alastair became fast friends, both knowing the pain of feeling like you are not good enough in your parents’ eyes, as well as the pain of being attracted to the same sex, when so many people view it as wrong, evil and sinful. They also both knew how horrible Charles can be.

Ariadne shared how though she was glad not to be marrying Charles any longer, she was upset at how he treated her, brushed her aside, almost ruining her reputation while she was unconscious after being attacked by a demon. 

Alastair in turn told her how hurt and angry he was that Charles simply seemed to use him, how he claimed he did love him but would never even consider telling anyone else, not even his parents, who he knew were very open and accepting, due to Matthew never hiding the fact that he is attracted to both men and women. It was obvious that Charles loved nothing and no one more than his job. 

Over the years they grew closer and closer, and have been very good friends for a long time now, Alastair is always first on call for babysitting little Benjamin and is undoubtedly one of his favorite uncles, and one day if Alastair and Thomas have a child, there is no doubt in anyone’s mind that Ariadne will be godmother and the little one’s favorite Aunt.

“Are you alright?” Ariadne quietly asks. Alastair smiles weakly and nods. 

“Yes, thank you, just worried for Cordelia and her baby.” Alastair replies. Ariadne slips her hand into his and squeezes it reassuringly. 

“Of course you are, she is your sister and she is going through something right now that you cannot help her with, I cannot fully understand as I do not have siblings, but you know I love Kit and Alex as my own brothers, I cannot imagine hearing them in such awful pain and being able to do nothing to help them.”  Ariadne softly says, trying her best to sooth and re-assure her friend. 

“It is possibly one of the most awful things I have ever endured, I have always felt it my place to protect Cordelia, that is why I kept my father’s drinking problem a secret, even though it killed me inside I could not let it affect our Layla. Now I wish I could go in there and take all her pain, I would do anything to help her.” Alastair quietly says in a strained tone. 

“Oh Alastair, I understand this must be absolutely terrifying for you, but childbirth is completely natural and Cordelia has the best medical support one could wish for, Brother Zachariah delivered practically everyone in this room, apart from you and I, and he cares about Cordelia just as much as you do, he is your family after all and he will do anything and everything to ensure that Cordelia and her baby are well and healthy.” Ariadne gently explains. Before Alastair can reply, they hear a loud cry coming from the infirmary, causing James to immediately stop pacing.

Just a few minutes later, Tessa appears in the doorway, smiling brightly at them all. 

“Mama, are they alright? Cordelia and the baby?” James asks in a concerned tone, rushing to his mother’s side.

“Yes my love, they are both perfectly well. You have a very healthy little boy, Jamie.” Tessa softly assures him. 

“Can I see him? and Daisy?” James hopefully asks. 

“Of course, Cordelia has been asking for you. Come on.” Tessa gently guides her son into the infirmary, to meet his son for the first time.

About twenty minutes later, Alastair is called in to meet his nephew, and in no time at all he finds himself sitting in a chair by Cordelia’s bed, cradling his tiny little nephew in his arms, utterly relived that both he and Cordelia are alright. 

“Well I have to admit it Layla, you made one very handsome and adorable little boy.” Alastair says in an amused tone, softly stroking the baby’s cheek. Cordelia laughs lightly, leaning back into the pillows behind her. 

“Thank you, I think so too.” 

“Have you chosen a name for him, or shall he forever be ‘Little fellow’ and ‘Little Chap’?” Alastair asks. Cordelia’s smile broadens at this, excitement lighting up her face.

“His name is Owen Alastair Herondale.” Cordelia proudly announces, rendering her brother absolutely speechless. 

“I.... Oh Layla I.... I honestly do not what to say.” Alastair stammers. He had not been expecting this at all, but he simply could not be more thrilled. 

“Well I do have one other thing to tell you that I very much hope you will have a response to. You already know that we have asked Lucie to be his Godmother, and Alastair, James and I would love it if you would agree to be Owen’s Godfather.” Cordelia softly says. Alastair quickly feels tears fill his eyes, and his throat tighten. Not too long ago he was certain that no one would ever care for him, after the nasty rumors he spread about Matthew Fairchild, as well as Charlotte Fairchild and Gideon Lightwood. Yet here he is now, holding his nephew who was named after him, being asked to be the little fellow’s Godfather, while his friends and boyfriend wait outside just a few feet away. 

“You seem rather instant on making me cry today Layla.” Alastair laughs, wiping at his tears. “But I shall forgive you, and of course I will be Owen’s Godfather, it would be my absolute pleasure and honor.” Cordelia grins and leans forward to peck her brother on the cheek. 

“Thank you, I love you Alastair.” Alastair makes a face and dramatically wipes at the spot where Cordelia had kissed him on the cheek, before smiling softly at her and leaning forward to kiss her forehead. 

“I love you too Layla.”

[purplebass]

Pain & Pleasure: 4/? A Jordelia Fic

Good afternoon everyone! Here’s the fourth chapter of my Jordelia fic. I hope you like it! 😃💜

Couple: Cordelia Carstairs and James Herondale, Jordelia Rating: T Previous Chapters: Chapter 1 - Chapter 2  - Chapter 3

When Cordelia regained consciousness, she felt a throbbing pain on the side of her head, as if she was lying on an anvil instead of her pillow. She was in her bed, wasn’t she? She couldn’t remember.

She felt the pull of sleep tugging on her eyelids, but she fought it until she was able to glance at her surroundings. She was in her room, at least. She recognized the burgundy panels on the walls and the canopy bed made of dark wood and the heavy blankets which covered her exhausted body. There was a glass of water on the nightstand, and a small bottle of a concoction of an indistinguishable color. And she wasn’t alone.

She realized that someone clutched her hand. “James?”

“It’s Alastair,” her brother replied sullenly, and he retrieved his hand from hers as if he had been scorched. “You’ve woken up, finally,” he added, and he was frowning, which was not a rare occurrence for her brother, but the way he was looking at her, bored almost, hit a nerve. She didn’t want him to act like that, act like their father. No. Alastair wasn’t like Elias.

Cordelia’s face contorted and the pulsing in her head grew. “Are you angry, Alastair?”

Alastair clenched his fists in his lap, and looked away. “I’m definitely angry. I can’t describe to you how angry I am, Cordelia. I truly can’t.”

“I’m sorry I made you worry.”

Alastair’s features softened and he gazed at her, really gazed at her. “I’m not angry with you.”

“You are not?”

He was frustrated. “I thought you didn’t hit your head too hard, but you probably did.” It was Alastair’s way to tell her that he wasn’t holding her responsible of what had happened. “On the other hand, I am grateful to your fiancée for saving you.”

“James saved me?”

“Layla, are you sure you are all right? It doesn’t seem so. By the way, he did. He said he entered the cell and struck Elias with something he found on the pavement and he released you.”

“That’s why you are grateful to him?”

Cordelia wasn’t sure if Alastair felt indebted to James because he had saved her or because he had hit their father. She knew that it didn’t run good blood between he and Elias, but she never believed that her brother loathed him to this degree.

She wanted to hear the reply to that question, but her mother Sona barged in the room followed by Risa. “You are awake, Cordelia, my daughter.” She hurried to her bed and touched her forehead to check her temperature. Her mother was not young anymore, but she was still beautiful. In that instant, though, she saw her narrowed eyes, her quivering lip and the creases on her forehead, and she seemed to have grown older overnight.

“Is my father here too?”

Sona’s face hardened. Cordelia noticed the slight tremble in her hands at the mention of her father, which Sona tried to hide by putting both hands on her faint baby bump. It was a protective gesture, not just for her baby brother or sister, but also for herself. “He’s still in the Silent City, my dear. The Brothers decided to keep him there after – after what he did.” Sona’s voice cracked at the end, and she looked away, glancing at the nightstand. “Have you had a glass of water? Risa, please, help her sit. Adjust some pillows behind her back.”

Risa sauntered to the other side of Cordelia’s bed and arranged the pillows in a way that her head was sustained. Cordelia didn’t want to sit, her brain was still pulsing like a bomb that was ready to explode any second, but she yielded. She didn’t want her mother to add her to the list of troubles.

“How are you feeling?”

Like I hit my head on the hard and humid floor after somebody tried to choke me, she wanted to say, but she decided it wasn’t time to be sarcastic, although that was the truth. “Better, thank you, mâmân. How long have I been out?”

“Just a few hours, Cordelia. It’s late afternoon, if you’re concerned. Your Silent Brother cousin tended to you,” Sona revealed with a neutral tone, and Cordelia couldn’t understand if she was relieved or irked by that detail. “It was James Herondale who requested it.”

Cordelia sighed, tightening her hold on the hem of the blanket. “It was nice of Jem to do it,” she commented, hoping that her mother and brother wouldn’t hear the regret in her voice. She and her cousin Jem weren’t as close as James was with his uncle. She didn’t have the right, if she were honest, to be hurt by the fact that he had only come because James requested him to. She had barely meet Brother Zachariah, Jem, and they didn’t know anything about each other save for the fact that he was a dear person to the Herondales and to James. She wondered if he would interact with her some time, since she was going to marry his nephew.

“Very nice of him, indeed. We couldn’t hope for a better man to be engaged to you, Cordelia. Another from his bunch of friends, perhaps the Consul’s son, would have been better given his wealth and his connections,” Sona commented. “But I am pleased by the Herondale boy, he is well-mannered and everyone seems to love him and his family.”

Cordelia thought how wrong that statement was, but she didn’t dare to say anything. The Herondales were loved by everyone of their friends and family, but she was aware of the whispers and the looks most of the members of the Clave directed at them. She had witnessed firsthand during the ball they organized to welcome the Carstairs in London, and even when she offered to marry James there was still somebody who couldn’t keep their mouths shut and had to badmouth them. This hurt her a lot. Not just because they offended her future parabatai Lucie and her future fake husband James, but also because of the falsehood that were spread, especially when she knew how they were honest and kind towards everyone. They didn’t deserve this treatment.

“Better Herondale than Fairchild, indeed,” Alastair muttered under his breath by the window. Cordelia didn’t know the specifics, but she knew that something had happened between Matthew and her brother.

“Alastair. Let’s not dwell on this argument anymore, shall we,” her mother reprimanded him, to which Alastair replied with a grunt.

“I’m going to head out,” he informed them, then turned towards his sister. “I’m glad you are fine, Layla. But if it ever crosses your mind to visit father again, I won’t let you go alone. You understand?”

“Yes, brother. I’ll tell you when I want to see father again,” If I want to see him again, she added in her mind.

“Good,” and then he was out.

 *************

James didn’t want to leave Cordelia’s house until she would regain consciousness.

He didn’t believe he was overdoing his role of fiancée, even if his relationship with Cordelia was not real. On the other hand, he knew that he needed to be there for her anyway, because he cared for her more than he could imagine, more than he was aware.

Sona, Cordelia’s mother, told him that she couldn’t let him see her daughter until she would open her eyes. She respected that they were engaged and she probably supposed that they had also been intimate, but she couldn’t let him stay by her side alone.

James agreed to that despite he wanted to assist Cordelia and stay with her once she would wake. At least he was one floor below her private room, which helped ease a bit of his apprehension. Risa brought him a cup of Prince of Wales tea to sip as he waited, but the dark brew didn’t help with his foreboding sense of helplessness. He sat on the plushy sofa and sipped the tea, but he soon had to put the cup back on the small table or he would let it fall and it would stain the Persian rug, which wasn’t a good idea. His hands were clammy, and they wouldn’t stop trembling as if he had been stung by a bee and it was starting to numb the flesh. He hadn’t finished the tea, which eventually turned cold.

“James, would you stop it?”

It was Matthew who admonished him. His best friend but also his parabatai, who decided to stay with him. He realized not long ago that he might have gotten closer to Cordelia during the course of the last weeks, but they never talked about their feelings for her. He wasn’t sure Matthew felt something for Cordelia which went beyond friendship, but just thinking about the idea that he might made him edgy. They never liked the same people, but he couldn’t make a truthful comparison because Matthew heavily disliked Grace, the only person James ever fancied in his short life.

“What?” James inquired, touching the finger were his family ring would be. The ring which now belonged to Cordelia as a promise. He felt bare, even if the heirloom was in better hands.

“You need to calm down. Have you heard what your uncle said? She is fine. She doesn’t have any wounds or swelling. She just needs a little rest, that is all.”

James frowned at Matthew and shook his head. “You are right, but we’ve been here for hours and she’s still unconscious. I’m worried. Her own father tried to strangle her.”

“It wasn’t probably her father, though.”

“No one could have entered the Silent City, Math. Who could have been?”

“What if it was your grandfather? He has possessed people before. Didn’t he say his goal was to take control of your body?”

James flinched, glancing away, trying to look at anything but his parabatai. “Yes, it is possible. But it doesn’t explain how he could get there. He is still a demon, the Silent City holds criminals, but it can’t hold demons.”

“I don’t want to contradict you, but as you are aware, he possessed Ariadne Bridgestock when she was ill in the infirmary,” Matthew explained. “He could have possessed Elias’ body.”

“It makes sense now that I think about it, but it still doesn’t explain why.”

“Because he wants you, that’s why.”

James and Matthew turned abruptly to the door. Alastair, Cordelia’s brother, was leaning on the door’s jamb, with his arms crossed over his chest and his brow furrowed. It wasn’t atypical for him because he was always grumpy or annoyed whenever James or the Merry Thieves were concerned, but now James noticed how Alastair’s tone lacked contempt.

James, who was already standing by the tea table, pressed his lips together. He didn’t intend for Cordelia’s brother to overhear his conversation with Matthew, but they were at his house after all. “Can’t say you are wrong,” he shot back, “but I wish you believe me that it wasn’t my intention.”

“It wasn’t your intention to have a prince of hell as a grandfather?” Alastair wondered, but it was more of a rhetorical question than an accusation. He shook his head and moved closer to where James was standing. “What I meant is that it’s not your fault that you are related to such a despicable human being. We can’t choose our kin, but we can choose our allies.”

James frowned. “What do you mean?”

“Do you want to be our ally, Alastair Carstairs? You, of all people?” Matthew asked out of the blue, rising from the armchair. He pointed his finger at Cordelia’s brother, baring his teeth at him. “You can’t be serious.”

Alastair rolled his eyes with exasperation at Matthew. James understood that his parabatai was angry because of the false rumors Alastair spread when they were at the Academy, but as much as those things hurt him, they were in the past. Ever since they had met him again, he looked different. He wasn’t absolving him of his crimes, nor he had completely forgiven him, but he wanted to try to see things from his perspective. He was still Cordelia’s brother and she loved him very much. In spite of their fake marriage, he wanted to try and be civil with Alastair.

“I don’t want these demonic things or whatever they are to hurt my sister as much as you, Fairchild. Namely after this morning Elias was possessed by one of them.”

“Are you sure he was possessed?”

“Didn’t the Silent Brother tell you? That’s what they think,” Alastair explained.

James’s mouth opened slightly upon hearing that Alastair knew more than he did. He had asked his uncle Jem to check on Cordelia, but after he was done, he hadn’t told him anything about the suspicions he and the other Brothers had had, and had fled from the Carstairs’s home. He tried not to look away from Alastair as he felt a stab of pain right in his heart. He wondered why Jem hadn’t spoken to him. Maybe he had his reasons, but it still hurt him all the same.

Matthew gawked at James and came to his rescue.  “That’s what we were discussing before you came,” he replied for his parabatai before he could form a coherent sentence. James felt relieved that his best friend acknowledged his distress. That wasn’t just how parabatai bonds worked, it was also how profound and close James and Matthew’s friendship was.

“By the way, my sister is awake. She was asking for you.”

James nodded, and before Alastair or Matthew could add more, he left the room to check on the woman who would soon become his wife. His distress, however, didn’t subside, but he would deal with that later. Now Cordelia was his priority.

[coophawkins]

This is Cooper Elias Hawkins who's thirty-seven years young, and looks a lot like Jesse Lee Soffer. He's a Homicide Detective and has been in Phoenix for 9 years.

sibling death: tw, drowning accident: tw, physical abuse: tw, mental abuse: tw, emotional abuse: tw, PTSD: tw, drugs: tw, alcoholism: tw,  depression: tw , cheating: tw 

cooper elias hawkins was born on cctober 31st back in 1984 to two loving and hardworking parents named thomas and heather (nee’ cooke) hawkins. the hawkins clan was very well known and well liked in their town of hilton head, south carolina which is where they resided and where cooper had grown up. thomas & heather are very successful owners of a diner that’s family owned. it’s beloved in their town.

ryan hawkins was the first of the hawkins clan, then ethan, the annie, then cooper and finally the baby megan whom they call meg. growing up cooper idolized his older siblings, his brothers were his best friends and his sister annie was someone whom he admired and aspired to be like. meg was someone cooper always took care of and adored. the hawkins siblings were well known and well liked by the town and could do no wrong.

they were one big happy family. that was until one 4th of July annie and cooper had decided to take their family boat out onto the water alone, without their parents permission. he was 11 at the time and annie was a little bit older. they drove it illegally, but annie really wanted to go and she always had a way of making cooper follow in her footsteps.

they were having a good time and being safe until annie decided to jump into the water after cooper had told her and begged her not too. it was a while until cooper had realized she hadn’t come up from the water. panicked and scared, cooper illegally drove the boat back to shore for some help. once reaching his parents & some cops, they ruled it as a drowning accident. they always said that annie held the family together and her death tore it apart.

his father was furious and devastated and wrongfully accused & blamed cooper for annies death even though he knew it wasn’t his fault. growing up for cooper wasn’t easy anymore. he wasn’t the happy go lucky kid he used to be. his father mentally, sometimes physically and emotionally abused him for years, and his two older brothers followed in their fathers footsteps. cooper closed himself off and didn’t talk to them until he actually needed too. the only ones who truly cared about him and worried about his well being was his mother & his little sister meg.

he kept to himself and got into reading and writing. he hid himself away in his room, and only had a couple of friends. cooper excelled in school and kept his grade average high. he graduated high school with honors and had decided to move as far away from hilton head as possible to get a fresh start.  choosing the city that never sleeps, cooper was accepted into almost every nyc college but ended up choosing brooklyn college. he majored in & has a master in criminal justice, and minored in florescence science. 

however that wasn’t what he wanted to do in life. after graduating college with honors again, he decided to go into the academy and become a police officer. after a couple years of being a cop, he took the detectives exam and has been/is in the homicide unit ever since. he was in brooklyn for a really long time, up until he fell in love with his partner who was his best friend. but their Sargent found out, and cooper transferred to phoenix so she would have too. cooper has been in phoenix, arizona for 9 years. the two broke up and havent talked since. 

the memory of his sisters death still haunts him. and when it does he doesn’t sleep at night but he writers in a journal in the morning & keeps it to himself as hes writing to her. cooper has had trouble with commitment and relationships. only ever been in love once before his partner, with someone from college his sophomore & junior year but she ended up cheating on him with is then room mate/best friend. still doesn’t get along with his father, nor his two older brothers but it super close to his sister meg & his mom. only goes home for their birthdays.

cooper can be pretty self-destructive sometimes & will purposely get into bar fights but then will use his “I’m a detective” excuse to get out of it. he drinks, and sometimes his unit thinks it can be a problem. used to smoke in college but doesn’t anymore. still loves to read and write and secretly keeps journals and writes in them. he decided on phoenix aside from transferring because no one knew his name and no one knew his story and it’s still that way.