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beannary · 10 months ago

Note

I need to see that TOA fanfic wip right now please <3<3<3

Ok here you go! I put it under the cut so this post isn’t super long

Eli paces back and forth in his room, mind racing as he begins to connect the dots. It just doesn’t make any sense, but also it makes the most amount of sense given all of his observations. And considering all the other strange and mysterious things that have been happening in Arcadia, it really isn’t even that outlandish of a theory.

But no, Eli is not going to be jumping to conclusions. He’s a scientist, or at least an aspiring scientist. He has his observations, he just needs to make a hypothesis and conduct an experiment. That’s the only way he can know for sure if he’s on the right track.

He stops pacing and stares intently at the list he has tacked up on his cork board.

Pale skin? Check. Never goes out in the sunlight? Check.

And ok maybe those are the only two definitive characteristics the subject displays but in combination with all the other weird behaviors he exhibits, this is the only logical conclusion that Eli can come up with. Douxie, the teen who works at Benoit’s and at GDT Books has to be a vampire, and Eli is going to be the one to prove it.

First things first, Eli has to present his theory to other people. Obviously he can’t do this all by himself. No scientist can do an entire experiment all by themself, it has to be peer reviewed to be legit. Duh.

Now Steve is…well he’s not the most scientifically minded, so Eli knows he can’t only rely on his Creep Slaying partner. He’ll need to get Krel in on this, and it wouldn’t be a bad idea to include Toby too. He’s going to need all the help he can get if he wants to conduct experiments on a potential vampire without his cover being blown.

He presents his observations before the council on one sunny Friday afternoon during their lunch hour. Eli has never been more thankful for the school’s open campus, which gives them just enough privacy, as they sit at one of the gross plastic tables that are littered around campus, without looking as if they are outright avoiding people.

Steve frowns, deep in thought as Eli finishes presenting his observations. “That makes so much sense! No one that hot could be human.”

“That’s what I was thinking!” Eli nods excitedly. “Well ok, that’s some of what I was thinking. That and all the other things I mentioned.”

“I have absolutely no idea what you two are talking about,” Krel deadpans. “In fact, I have not a single clue what you have been talking about for the past twenty minutes. What is this vamped ire you speak of?”

“Vampires are a type of monster from human mythology,” Eli explains as he pulls out his phone and opens up google. “They’re undead creatures that feed on human blood and have like a whole lot of other powers and stuff!”

Eli hands Krel his phone, with the wikipedia page for vampires pulled up. “Anyways,” Eli says, turning to Steve and Toby, leaving Krel to do his research. “We need to figure out a way to prove that Douxie is a vampire, or to prove he isn’t a vampire.”

“Oh! Maybe he sparkles in the sun!” Toby suggests.

“Oh my god just like in Twilight,” Steve says excitedly.

Eli frowns. “Wouldn’t we have noticed him sparkling? That was the whole thing in Twilight, I think. They lived in Washington specifically to stay out of the sun.”

“Yeah but that same logic applies to regular vampires too,” Toby points out. “I think you’re onto something with the vampire thing though. I mean the changelings had a way to go out in the sun without hurting themselves. Who knows what vampires might have to protect themselves. Plus, hiding in plain sight is the best way to go unnoticed. No one would ever think to look for a vampire in SoCal.”

“I didn’t even think of that,” Eli says as he digs in his backpack for his theories notebook. He pulls it out and clicks his pen a few times before jotting down some notes. “If we are operating on that logic then getting him into the sun won’t help us at all.”

“Couldn’t we just ask him?” Steve says. “That’s sort of like what Bella did.”

“I think I am still confused,” Krel says as he hands Eli his phone back. “Who is this Bella person and why do you keep on speaking of a time of night?”

Toby gasps in mock offense. “Krel, have you not seen the most culturally important human film, Twilight?”

“No? I have not been on this mudball for a full earth year. When would I have had the time to partake in the going to the movies?”

“Oh Krel, my man,” Toby drapes his arm across Krel’s shoulders. “We are going to have a movie night where we introduce you to the majesty that is the Twilight series.”

Krel eyes Toby warily. “...right.”

“We need to focus guys!” Eli snaps his fingers in front of Toby’s face to get him to pay attention. “We can totally watch Twilight after we figure out if Douxie is a vampire or not, and to do that we need to figure out a plan!”

“Uh isn’t the plan obvious though?” Steve says. “All we have to do is get some blood.”

“Yeah but don’t we need something more structured? What if something goes wrong?”

“I don’t think so,” Toby says. “I mean we all have blood with us all the time.” Krel coughs and pointedly looks at Toby. “Right, almost all of us have blood with us all the time. All we have to do is bleed and then we’ll know for sure.”

“But how do we bleed at the bookstore without it looking weird?”

“Does it have to be at the bookstore?” Toby asks. “If we go to Benoit’s and Douxie is our server, all we have to do is cut ourself on a knife and we can see his reaction.”

“And if it goes badly then we have these bad boys to protect us,” Steve says as he flexes his arms.

Eli sighs in disappointment. “I guess this plan works.”

“Aw what’s wrong E-man?” Steve asks.

“I just thought this plan would be, I don’t know more involved or something. Just showing up and bleeding all over the place isn’t very scientific,,” Eli shrugs.

“Yeah but it is the most surefire way to see if he is a vampire,” Toby points out.

They arrive at Benoit’s approximately half an hour after school lets out. The restaurant is blissfully empty, exactly as Eli was hoping.

“Oh wait,” Eli says just before the group enters the restaurant. He sets his backpack down on the ground and unzips it. “We should each have one of these on us before we go in, just in case things get hairy.” He takes out a stake and hands one to each of the party members.

“A piece of wood?” Krel asks as he takes the stake and turns it over in his hand.

“Wow,” Toby breathes out. “How did you get these?”

Eli smiles and pushes up his glasses. “A Creep Slayer is always prepared for all circumstances.”

“I am not even going to ask why you have given me this,” Krel says as he pockets the stake.

“Alright team! Let’s go catch us a vampire!” Steve shouts before rushing into the restaurant.

Immediately things go awry.

“No, unfortunately we are not able to accommodate outdoor seating at this time,” the hostess smiles politely at the group of teens. “I can, however, place you in Douxie’s section as you requested if you are still intending on dining with us?”

Eli frowns, but nods in confirmation. The hostess smiles and gathers up a few menus before leading them to their table.

“Any reason why he can’t serve us outdoors?” Toby asks.

“Well other than the fact that Douxie’s section is indoors today, he also hates working outdoors,” the hostess explains as they take their seats. “Says he burns too easily or whatever,” she shrugs and sets down the menus. “Douxie will be over in just a moment to get you started with drinks,” she says before hurrying back to her position.

As soon as the hostess is gone Eli whips out his notebook and excitedly jots down some notes.

#bean babbles #answered asks #anonymous asks #toa #toa trollhunters #toa wizards #my writing #I do like this wip

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ashbournes · 2 months ago

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—Tales from the Depths.

I am Elios River Ashbourne, but I go by a few different names depending on how you feel most comfortable addressing me. You can call me El, Eli or Iyos—whatever feels right to you. I like keeping things flexible that way. Born under the sign of Taurus, I’ve got that grounded, steady energy that keeps me level-headed, but I’m also drawn to deeper connections and experiences rather than just skimming the surface. As an INFJ, I tend to be a bit on the quieter side, always observing, feeling things out, and trying to get to the heart of whatever’s in front of me. Life is a mix of the seen and the unseen, and I’m all about understanding both.

And yes, before you ask, I’m definitely of legal age (24+)! I might have the soul of someone who's seen a lot, but I promise I’m also here for the fun and adventure life brings.

Oh, and if we were at Hogwarts, I’d be kicking it in Ravenclaw, no question. That’s where all the curious minds hang out, always learning, always seeking answers. You’d probably find me tucked away in some corner with a book or deep in conversation about the meaning of life—or, you know, something just as chill.

Here are some of my favorite things that might help you get to know me better: I absolutely love cats—they’re just full of personality and always make me smile. I’m also a bit of a coffee addict; nothing like a great cup of coffee to kickstart my day.

The ocean holds a special place in my heart. I find so much peace and inspiration by the sea, whether it’s listening to the waves or taking in the view.

When it comes to reading, I’m a huge fan of fantasy books. Getting lost in magical worlds where anything can happen is my jam. Some of my top picks are Harry Potter, Percy Jackson, and my favorite one, Heroes of Olympus. I also enjoy reading manhwa like Solo Leveling, Tower of God, and Omniscient Reader's Viewpoint. Each of these series takes me on amazing adventures filled with friendship and courage, and I can’t get enough. Whether curled up with a good book or sipping coffee by the ocean, I really treasure those little moments.

When it comes to what I like to watch, I’m all about fantasy, adventure, and thrillers. I really enjoy stuff like Harry Potter, Percy Jackson, Narnia, and Transformers. And I can’t forget about anime! I’m a huge fan of shows like Haikyuu, Jujutsu Kaisen, Demon Slayer, Wind Breaker, Attack on Titan, and Blue Lock. There are so many great series out there that keep me entertained and coming back for more!

I also have a deep passion for music and love exploring various genres. I’m pretty open-minded when it comes to what I listen to, but there are definitely some artists I find myself going back to again and again. Some of my favorites include The Weeknd, Simple Plan, The Vamps, 5SOS, Arctic Monkey, The 1975, One Ok Rock, MCR, JKT48, Dewa 19, Juicy Luicy, and SO7. Each of these artists brings something unique to the table, and their songs often resonate with my mood or vibe.

When it comes to K-pop, I’m especially drawn to groups like ENHYPEN, IVE, Stray Kids, Aespa, TWICE, TXT, KIOF, The Boyz, STAYC, Triple S, and Boy Next Door. Their catchy tunes and incredible performances never fail to put me in a good mood.

DNFI — You're under 17 internationally, you might want to think twice before following me, since some of my posts may have a bit of profanity and may not be the best fit for you. Also, if you’re into zionism, homophobic, like spread hate, or have issues with any religions or beliefs, this probably isn’t the right place for you. We wouldn’t vibe well, so it’s best if you just move along. Thanks!

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glittter-vamp · 4 months ago

Note

https://www.tumblr.com/glittter-vamp/759485439886360576/how-did-you-and-eli-meet

Little did that coworker know of their genius! 😂🥰

He does love to take credit for our relationship happening but it was really all Eli, we had became friends and I had no idea she was even into women and she didn’t know I was into women either until he said something and she asked me on a date right out of the blue 😂 (I even posted about that date on here and how I was sweating through my shirt & freaking out in the restaurant bathroom cause she was so out of my league…rough times for me lmao)

#asks #funny anons

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ask-sweater-vamp · 7 years ago

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Callout Post For My Own Muse

Matthew Williams is a complete flower-head and here is my evidence:

- Hasn’t realized Loreto is a vampire

- Hasn’t realized Vlad is a vampire

- Wrote off an unusually large wolf digging through his trash as just another normal, friendly neighborhood dog until it transformed in front of him

- Was easily convinced to ignore flight response by being asked to remember someone he didn’t even know

- Didn’t sense that Borisov was a vampire until he physically turned around and saw that he was actually purple

- Absolutely has heightened senses and knowledge/experience to inform him of what to look for at any given moment and absolutely has straight up ignored it or been too distracted to make the connections

- Except Joao for some reason! So far, he has noticed 1 out of 4 vampires without someone practically needing to spell it out for him!

- But he did notice 1 out of 2 wolves, so I guess that’s a little better.

- And then there’s Eli, but...he’s Eli.

#((ooc post))#ask-sweater-vamp #matthew williams #((mattie please))#ask-borisov-the-bastard #askthesicilianvampire #askvampiresouth #ask-amaroq-matt #askvamport #vampire queuing hours #((amazing))#((but seriously Eli's the only one with a good excuse))#((it's kinda funny))#((there is a reason why recognizing vampires is a big deal for him though))#((we'll get to that in a bit))

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dinagothsdress · 4 years ago

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mg character lgbt headcanons (ft. some actual canon)

it had to be done

dave is bi. duh. the ultimate bicon. look at my username if you dont believe me.

hal is also bi. obligatory otasune mention goes here.

bb is also bi, with a preference for men (noticing a trend here? also pretty much canon). he's not on the aspec though despite not knowing what sex is until he's like 40, he's just awkward and a dumbass.

kaz is bi too, basically most of the cast is bi tbh. (again, pretty much canon)

fuck it, here's the rest of the bi cast or we'll be here all day: venom, the boss, eva, volgin (canon), vamp (canon), fox, paz (canon?).

raiden is transmasc and nonbinary/gnc. (tbf the latter bit is basically canon)

ocelot is gay, but he only ever caught feelings for bb (extremely canon)

eli is also gay. he doesnt form close attachments easily but over his teen years he fell for mantis. he respects mantis's boundaries though, they're basically the only person he's ever respected.

mantis is aroace (canon), agender, and in a queerplatonic relationship w eli.

quiet is straight for venom and venom only.

solidus is gay. we don't find out much abt him as a person but gdi he gives me middle aged gay vibes.

strangelove is a lesbian (canon). she was only with huey so that she could have a genius baby for the boss (also canon).

huey is straight.

probably forgot *a lot* of characters but i have that adhd memory and also i just want to post this fucking thing so

#i'm sorry #wait no i'm not #mgs #headcanons #i wrote most of this in a sleep deprived state at 2am tbh #otasune #bosselot #vkaz #bbkaz #liquidmantis

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southernfriedblondebitch · 4 years ago

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Overshare Tag

Tagged by @blizabrth 💜

1. Name/Nickname: Eli/Little Momma

2. Pronouns: they/them

3. Star Sign: Sagittarius

4. Height: 5'2"

5. Time: 3:02am

6. Birthday: December 7th

7. Fave Bands: Daughter, Rhodes, Marina & the Diamonds, Angus & Julia Stone, Of Monsters & Men, Florence & the Machine, Børns, Snakehips

8. Fave Solo Artists: Mø, Zella Day, Kari Kimmel, Gabrielle Aplin, Lauren Aquilina, Jessie Ware, Halsey, Troye Sivan

9. Song stuck in my head: Don't Leave Me by Snakehips & Mø

10. Last Show: True Blood (don't judge me please)

11. Last Movie: do comedy specials count? Iliza's Confirmed Kills

12. When Did I Create This Blog: *noncommittal noise*

13. What Do I Post: hahaha haha this is just a dumpster fire of me throwing random shit at the wall. I'm sorry for everyone witnessing it, but also you're welcome

14. Last Thing I Googled: organizing tips (my blog is not the only dumpster fire in my life. My closet is a safety hazzard)

15. Other Blogs: nope. This is my only hell hole

16. Why I Chose My URL: bc it me. I'm southern, I'm blonde (naturally) & I'm a bitch

17. Do I Get Asks: I do & I would love more! Seriously....please come talk to me.

18. Following: 959 😅

19. Followers: 1,696. Stfu no way

20. Average Hours Of Sleep: 3. I run mostly on caffeine & pure stubbornness

21. Lucky Number: 7 & 24

22. Instruments: nothing perfectly but a lil piano, a lil guitar & like a vague understanding of snare drums

23. What Am I Wearing: black The Who tee & red & black striped boxers

24: Dream Trip: Greece, Barcelona & Hawaii

25. Favourite Food: cheesy bread. Breakfast lunch & dinner

26. Nationality: American

27. Languages: English

28. Favourite Song: Smother by Daughter (I got a lyric from it tattooed)

29. Last Book Read: these (10/10 would recommend)

30. Top 3 Fictional Universes I’d Like To Live In: Buffy (so I could fuck Faith & Spike), True Blood (so I can fuck Eric), Van Helsing (so I can fuck all the girls) (Also if you noticed my thing for vamps please keep it to yourself)

Ugh, I hate tagging y'all. I'll tag @lan-jev @jade-marie @riosgoodgirll @mego42 & I dunno anyone else who wants to

#tagged #tag game #i hate talking about myself #im so bad at it #i just babble #someone shut me up

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borisbubbles · 4 years ago

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17. CZECH REPUBLIC

Benny Christo - “Kemama”

youtube

So first off, thank you for the nice commens. 😇The past few months haven’t been the happiest time for me, so thank you for your patience as I scraped my bearings together for another post! 😁

So I will now extend that same sympathy to Benny Christo, whom I think I damn fucking underrated. Let’s jump in~

ENTRY ANALYSIS

As one may expect i INSTANTLY liked “Kemama” because you know, it’s a fun, laid-back, tropical afro-breeze, completely different from anything else we would see in NFs and the year. EXACTLY the type of song I was hoping the Czech NF would deliver (and deliver they did, see NF Corner). This level of mild like swung into strong unironic like upon realizing that the title is a contraction of “Okay Mother” 😍 and the song deals with the subject of overcoming racially-tinged discrimination and rising above the hate. That just feels very poetic and apt? “Kemama” felt like the entry that had to overcome the highest odds in order to earn the respect it so fully deserves, and still hasn’t fully reached it.

.In our Western European bubble, comprised mostly of gays and left-liberal straights, we have a very grateful and universal acceptance of many different kinds of [lizard] people that make up Eurovision casts. Yet with “Kemama” we may have reached an unusually grimy undercurrent of coded racism.

Of course nothing I read was outrageously rancid, than Cod for that. The worst statement I read was a double-whammy of “EWW THIS ISN’T CARIBBEANVISION” and “WHY WOULD SOMEONE FROM *KENYA* WANT TO REP CZECHIA IN EUROVISION?”, and yes they first got the continent wrong and then *also* got the country wrong in the follow-up post and then they were torn limb from limb by a pack of aformentioned left-liberals. I’m sorry but i can’t not have any other response than laughter in the face of yet another fucking MORON faceplanting themselves with words like a... racist JK Rowling if you will?

Still, while I never read something outright vile about Benny doesn’t mean I found his deniers really annoying and they were! Think “Ew Solovey is ‘Too Aggressive’ it will NEVER DO WELL IN ESC”, a statement that isn’t coded nor racist (and yet extremely false and misguided), functioned as a similar idea by the same minds. A statement borne from the same breed of narrow-minded stubbornness which has caused elitist morons to be all “there is **SOMETHING** about “Kemama” i do *NOT* like and I cannot lay my finger on it... but I **DO NOT** like it at ALL. It won’t ever qualify because everyone will think the same way I do” -- Eurovision snobs, tiptoeing around racial coda in January 2020.

They would also insist that Benny was “arrogant” because he was seemingly impervious to their (de)constructive criticism. Like, if you were a biracial butterfly living in a slavic country who had to deal with statements such as the above on a regular basis, you WOULD block out the noise. And if you heard them often enough you will start to block them out pre-emptively. DO YOU NOT KNOW HOW COPING MECHANISMS WORK?? (oh wait you’re white-privileged. Nevermind 🙄)

So naturally, when Benny decided that he would revamp “Okay Mother” by adding in MORE African elements it only made me love him even more lol. 😍 Was it a bull-headed, contrarian and possibly really stupid decision? Yes, yes and absolutely yes. Was it worth it? Well he managed to incite even more meltdowns in a group of people I feel nothing but contempt for, so hell yeah? Eurovision was cancelled anyway so who cares how much ‘worse’ “Kemama” actually got.

Okay, so we’ve arrived at the revamp.

Granted, it wasn’t the best ‘vamp, I’d be a fool to deny it. The new elements threw a wrench in the melodic balance of the song. Out went tropical laid-back fun, IN went that fucking guitar oh my god this is some Hotel FM piano levels of overbearing I swear. (nb: this still didn’t stop me from ironically stanning Hotel FM’s lame asses anyway 😍). However, it made the personal backstory that I loved and savoured take a backseat to the now inferior composition. 😭

Regardless, New Kemama was fundamentally the same song, and I fundamentally liked Old Kemama, so whatevs, it made no different to me. In the eyes of many Eurovision diehards we were experiencing WORST PRESHOW SEASON EVER (after three songs... lol) and nothing clinches this brainworm more than a revamp announcement. “OH MY GOD HE WILL RUIN IT! I CAN GUARANTEE YOU I *WON’T* LIKE IT”. Self-fulfilling prophecies, ya know? It certainly didn’t help when the official channel accidentally uploaded a vid with broken soundmixing (‘OMG HORRIBLE LAST IN THE SEMI!!!!’ calm the ever-loving HELL down) and took another FULL WEEK to upload the correct vid. The damage had already been done. Typing "SEE I TOLD YOU THE REVAMP WOULD BE SHITE HA HA HA” in the Kemama comment box really just is the ESC equivalent of reponding with “Actually, *all* lives matter :smug:” to a BLM support pamphlet, isn’t it?

NF CORNER

While not my favourite NF of the bunch, I found the Czech NF to be lowkey epic. Not epic enough to remember its name but regardless Czechvision or whatever marked the end of an era because it was also the last selection spearheaded by Jan Bors :o

I think I’ve made it clear enough in the past that I’m somewhat mixed on Bors Era Czechia - Lake Malawi were a toetapping good, Ickolas was a pockmarked, skin-crawling evil and the other three inhibit a purgatory somewhere between “moderately nice” and “moderate timewaste.”

Still, I have great respect for the man who orchestrated Czech’s comeback after scoring NINE POINTS TOTAL across three years with the mindset of “So what? Why says we can’t win?” so ofc I was all into the idea of the “EIGHT INDIE ANGELS, HAND-PICKED BY BORS HIMSELF” NF that would serve as his swan song.

Naturally things went down the drain the second Bors left, with one of the eight peacing and his successor cancelling the live broadcast (does anyone remember what exactly happened? I vaguely recall one was the cause of the other but lol it’s July can’t be bothered to factscheck (Factsczeck?) anymore, bitches.

Anyway, ON TO THE GOOD STUFF, and yes, there was plenty.

We All Poop - “ All the Blood (Positive Song Actually)”

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Yes, as you can imagine I ofc IMMEDIATELY fell into like when I saw that chyron and invisioned the inevitability of the Czech Rep’s Rep immediately alienating every parent just based on their name alone <3 😍 w/e WAP quickly became that “Good but not great” song you find in every NF that everyone gushes over because it’s the whitest option available. Like, yes, “All the blood” is good, but musically it’s identical to Green Day and Twenty-One Pilots and god name ANY 90s-early00′s American Punk Rock band. For me the enjoyment came from the fact that WAP were openly crazy vegan fundamentalists and the VC clip actively condemns the use ANY animal protein by replacing the cattle and game with LITERAL HUMAN BEINGS. 😍 :fusedmarcintensifies: :kasiamosage:

Pam Rabbit - “Get up”

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Ohhhh YES a glorious experimental Synth-Trap song only I could love and ofc I did. God what is there even to say; the provocative darkness of the verses combined with the swirling amorphousness of the chorus gives me LIFE. LUFF THIS SHIT <3333 Ftr, this was also the fave of Slovene Juror duo / synth angels / Boris faves ZALAGASPER, further proving their pathetic naysayers that they own all things music and the haters can suck a series of-

Barbora Mochowa - “White and Black Holes“

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Lol, yes even with a “Get up” existing, there was a song I liked even more. Barbora proved a very competent Lana del Gay last year, but I was a YUGE fan of this year’s... Kate Bush-Björk blend of ethereal awesome. It is so soothingly beautiful and the rare example of a song that I find completely free of flaws. Were the competition not such a hard place, I’d be pissed she didnt win (at least she won the jury vote MASSIVE KUDOS to every alum on that) but w/e this selection had opions and I’m rather robbed of a “Kemama” than I am of a BRILLIANT IRREPLICABLE AETHERBALLAD. ~Danse balance sûr les white and black holes~

Elis Mraz & Cis T - “Wanna be like”

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I *VERY* strongly felt that if the Czech Republic wanted to win ESC, they should have picked Elis and even now I STILL believe she could have won. That isn’t to say I gushed over “Wanna be like” because I find it kind of annoying lol. Yes, I LOVE an annoying female voice (:Tones&Icackle:) but Elis’s reaches a Camilla Cabello sort of place for me (good lord get Senorita OFF the fucking radio) and the Scat + White Guy Rapping middle-eight. 😬. However, the second I opened up the video clip for this paragraph and was immediately BLASTED by Elis murdering a ukelele and wearing a “schoolgirl” outfit straight from a Japanese tentacle porn movie and OH MY GOD THE AGGRESSIVE TWERKING made me reconsider that hey, this min-sized Meghan Traynor actually kinda highkey owns, yo! Yet, I’m not at all bothered we lost her in the Czech NF because we got UNO DOS QUATRO CINCO SEIS :fatmansplit: fill up the megameme slot instead, so...

Eurovision 2020 vs Eurovision 2021

BENNY RUINED HIS SONG AND NEVER WOULD HAVE QUALIFIED. jk I’m not a moron. Sure, “Kemama” wasn’t an easy sell because you know AFROBEAT in a contest where half of the people watching are fash (ie: all of Eastern Europe, who watch out of ~Nationalistic Sentiment~ 😬), but there are Kemama live renditions out there and he owns them SO hard lol. A few soundmixing issues really would not have stopped Benny from qualifying in that RIDICULOUSLY WEAKSAUCE SEMIFINAL are you fucking kidding me. He probably would’ve bombed in the Grand Final, but I mean it’s Czech and it’s not Ickolas so ofc it would have.

And Czech renewed him for 2021 regardless of the sceptics, woohoo! I think part of it was due the Czech not wanting to re-organize an ENTIRE NF from scratch without Jan Bors, but probably also because Benny owns live when he isn’t engaged in psychological trench warfare with actual human detritus <3 and also because the Czech fucking CARE about their artists and don’t drop them like a sack of rotten potatoes wtfshitprus.

Can’t wait for the moment when he qualifies and Efendi does not, etc, etc.

FREAKY! FRIDAY! FACTOR!

I’d say that the core around which the Ben Drama spun was pretty standard fare: niche fave beats out the concensus fave, meltdowns ensue, people convince themselves it was the WRONG decision because it wasn the result they wanted, try to disown the song and make a fool of themselves because the song slaps, sorry. Even the revamp drama felt more of less generic for me, because yawn fantards melting down over a revamp of a song they don’t even like what else is new.

However, what I do take away that the revamp was ENTIRELY Benny’s idea which he told no one about (cue to JAN BORS having a social media meltdown like he’s Caesar at the Ides of March 💔) added MORE afrobeat just to troll his haters even more <3 God, I’d say it was bad from a musical perspective but this level of in-your-face defiance is fucking iconic and hilarious, sorry. This entire this year is so batshit bonkers that the concept of a someone potentially shooting themselves in the foot and “torpedo’ing” their qualification chances (not rly, he would’ve Q’d anyway lol) JUST to take the moral high ground in a racially coded argument only HE took seriously may not even be the craziest concept in the year! (lol it definitely isn’t. Look at the pics I haven’t greyed out yet)

This and more yield Benny some well-earned Senheads! Yay!!

Score: 3 Senhits out of 5.

#Eurovision #Eurovision 2020 #Eurovision Song Contest #Czech Republic #Czechia #Bohemia #Ben Christovão #Benny Christo

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unfolded73 · 5 years ago

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How Do We Get Back (1/16) - schitt’s creek ff

(AO3 link)

Summary: In a literal alternate universe where the Roses escaped financial ruin, David and Patrick struggle with loneliness and a sense that something isn’t right. A chance meeting in New York and a terrible tragedy drive them to question whether the timeline they are on is the right one.

Notes: I'm really excited to start posting this fic which has been obsessing me for a few weeks. Thanks to @j-philly-b for being my New York-native nit-picker - pizza fight forever. See notes at the end for warnings about plot elements in this fic ... or don't if you prefer not to know.

Rating will be explicit in later chapters. This chapter 3.5k words.

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Soft music played from somewhere, infused into the space like just the right amount of an expensive perfume: not enough to draw attention to itself, but enough to help round out the aesthetic with taste and class. The white walls positively glowed under warm, carefully selected lighting, offering a contrast to the pieces on offer to buyers. Minimalist and spare, every item was lovingly placed by the owner in exactly the perfect spot to highlight its assets and mask its flaws. It was why buyers went out of their way to come here, or so the proprietor had been told in more prosperous days.

“Tell me about this sculpture,” said a woman in a severe suit and a severe haircut and impossibly high heels.

David Rose, the gallerist she was addressing, put his hands together in an obsequious manner and walked over to stand at her side. Her command had come without the courtesy of turning and looking at him; rather with the expectation that she would get a prompt response — she was the kind of woman who always got a prompt response.

“This is another exciting piece by Devonaé Streeter. She works out of New York now, but after a few months in Prague—”

“I don’t want to hear about the artist. Tell me about the work.”

David squinted an eye at the bronze sculpture, standing its solitary vigil on a white pedestal. He imagined the… woman? it depicted was looking back at him, or would have been if she had more than empty eye sockets to look at him with. He launched into his patter.

“Devonaé’s bronze works often challenge the viewer to look past the grotesque features of the art to see the grotesque features in themselves. This particular figure is an allegory for the way in which we fail to recognize each other’s pain, and I think—”

The woman turned on her heel and walked away, dismissing him and the statue with one quick wave of her hand. She turned her attention to the art on the walls, scanning over the canvasses quickly. David could almost see the calculations going on behind her eyes, like a scrolling ticker on a cable business news show. She wasn’t here to appreciate the art, she was here to find something to invest in. Most of them were, especially people like her.

“Tell me about that one,” she said, pointing to the largest canvas.

David winced. He would have taken the painting in question down a while ago, or perhaps never would have hung it in the first place, if he weren’t hurting a little bit for artists these days. And of course if he hadn’t signed a contract. He’d met Carmen at a party, and okay yes, she’d seemed a little crazy at the time but he’d assumed that was because of all the drugs they were taking. He’d agreed to display her art in his gallery. Now, months later, not a single one of the paintings had ever sold.

Clearing his throat, David said, “Carmen Herrera. She has a… unique vision, as you can see from this piece.” He focused on the track lighting above the painting as he talked; he’d never been able to look at this piece without developing an anxious flutter in his stomach. “It is intended to shock, of course. The worshippers…” He let his eyes glance over the blood-soaked imagery, wondering why he was bothering. This woman was never going to buy one of Carmen’s paintings. “The worshippers hurt themselves and each other at the behest of their goddess.” He gestured vaguely upward.

“Mictēcacihuātl,” the woman murmured.

“Umm… bless you?”

“The Aztec goddess of death,” she explained, still staring at the painting.

“Oh, uhh, yes exactly,” he vamped. “Personally, I’ve always thought the worshippers represent the American electorate, voting against their own self interest because of the lies politicians tell them.” He didn’t really think that. He wasn’t sure Carmen could have said, if pressed, who the President of the United States even was. But he gave potential buyers this line, figuring they might recoil a little less from the painting if they thought it was allegorical.

The sharp-suited woman couldn’t seem to take her eyes off of it. “No, I don’t think that’s what it’s about,” she said. Then she turned to him. “I’ll take it.”

David gaped at her for a second before he recovered enough to respond. “Yes, of course.”

After several minutes of dealing with the payment and shipping, tasks that always made David’s palms sweat with anxiety that he’d screw up some detail of the transaction, the woman was gone and the gallery was quiet as a tomb — its usual state. David sighed and looked up at Carmen’s terrifying painting. “See you never, you creepy fucker.”

He walked back into his office and pulled out his phone. Opening Instagram, David scrolled aimlessly through posts by celebrities and influencers, many of whom he had met and a few of whom he had fucked. When no images of his sister appeared after a few minutes of scrolling, he pulled up her profile and checked her last post — two days ago, which was very unlike Alexis. David’s heart started to hammer in his chest with familiar worry for his sister. He checked the time and counted forward. It would be close to midnight in Italy, probably as good a time as any to catch her on her phone.

Hey r u ok? he texted, and then spent a full minute watching for any sign of a return message before he clicked off the screen and tossed the phone onto his desk with a huff. Then when that dramatic gesture didn’t give him a result, he picked his phone up again, just in time for it to vibrate with an incoming call. He almost dropped it.

Seeing who was calling, David almost let it go unanswered, but at the last second he tapped the screen. “Hi, Dad.”

“David, how are you?” His father’s voice was always confident and booming, as if he could summon happiness if he just projected from his diaphragm. David held the phone away from his ear with a wince, and then put it on speaker before setting it down.

“Fine. Why are you calling me?”

“Do I need a reason to call my only son?”

David rolled his eyes. “Yes.”

There was a pause. “Well, actually, I just heard that Eli was released from prison.”

Pulling a nail file out of his desk drawer, David snorted. “What, and you’re going to rehire him as your business manager?”

“Well, of course not, David.”

“Good.”

“I’m never going to speak to him again.”

“Good.”

“I mean, can you imagine how our lives might have turned out if he’d managed to get on that plane to the Cayman Islands before the police caught him?”

“Yes, I can, because you’ve mentioned it an average of once a month for the last three years,” David said, taking a few desultory swipes across the end of the nail on his middle finger.

“I mean, it was bad enough with all the tax penalties we had to pay. If it weren’t for Eli, we’d still have the beach house!”

“Uh huh.” If David had heard all of this before once, he’d heard it a hundred times. “Where’s Mom?”

“She’s on location with Sharknado 5. And you know, the prison that jackass was in was pretty swanky.”

“Then maybe Eli will actually be more miserable now that he’s been released. When does Mom get back?”

“Two more weeks. She’s got her phone in Bulgaria; you can call her.”

David didn’t want to call her. He wanted his father to call her so that she could talk him off of this angry ledge before he had another scare with his heart.

“Just… don’t worry about Eli, okay?” David set the nail file down and pinched the bridge of his nose. “He’s not a part of your life anymore.”

“Damn straight he’s not.”

“Weren’t you telling me something about a new business venture at Christmas? Some kind of app?” David didn’t want to talk about this, or about anything really, but he figured he could at least try to pull his father out of this emotional tailspin about the former business manager who almost made off with the Rose family fortune.

“Yes, well, the spouting video market is quite crowded now, of course, but we’re making some in-roads. Slow and steady wins the race, that’s what I always say.”

“It’s streaming video. And that’s what you used to say about your rivalry with Blockbuster,” David snarked, his moment of charitability toward his father difficult to keep front of mind when he was being so irritating.

“And Blockbuster went out of business.”

“So did you!”

“It was a strategic restructuring, David. A shift into other markets. Like streaming video. Sure, the money isn’t flowing as freely as it did in the Rose Video heyday, but we’re doing fine.”

“Okay.” He went back to filing his nails.

“Are you still seeing… what was her name?” Johnny asked.

Trying to remember who his dad was even talking about, David squinted. “Who?”

“You know, the girl who used to eat garbage as performance art?”

David huffed. “Eliose didn’t eat garbage, she covered herself in… you know what, it doesn’t matter. We haven’t seen each other in months.”

“Oh. Is there anyone special in your life right now?”

An image of Brenton flashed in his mind. He was probably back in David’s apartment as they spoke, making the place reek of bong water and eating all of David’s food. He sighed. “No, no one special.”

“Well, don’t give up, son,” Johnny said. “How’s the gallery?”

“I just sold a painting.”

“That’s great!” his father boomed. “Good for you!”

“Okay, selling paintings is my job, you don’t have to praise me quite so effusively for doing my job.”

“No, of course I don’t need to. But I’m proud of you, son. Especially now that…” There was a moment of dead air.

“You still there?” David asked.

“Oh! Yes, I’m still here.”

“I thought the call had dropped. Now that what?”

An uncomfortable chuckle came out of the phone speaker. “You know, I forgot what I was saying.”

“Uhhh… okay.” David rolled his eyes again. “Anyway, the art business isn’t booming like it used to be, but today was good.”

“You know what? I just remembered I need to make another call,” his father said. “Sorry, David.”

“Whatever. You called me.”

“Talk to you soon, son.”

“Mm-hmm. Bye.” David tapped the screen and ended the call. He noticed the time and sighed, glancing out of his office door at the empty gallery. He might as well lock up and go back to his apartment. He moved quietly around the space, flipping off all of the lights and turning off the music that he played from a spare iPad that he’d gotten in a gift bag when he was Hayden Panettiere’s date to the 2012 Teen Choice Awards. Once he had his coat and messenger bag and had the security gate pulled down and locked, David pocketed his keys and stepped out onto the busy SoHo sidewalk. It had been misting rain for hours, the January day not cold enough to produce snow, but the temperature was now dropping below freezing and making the sidewalks treacherous.

The stationary store next door to his gallery was still open and doing a brisk business, and he was tempted to go in and look at the journals, but he resisted the impulse. Even though he used them sporadically, he’d already bought more empty journals than he could fill in a lifetime. The bar at the end of the block was also starting to fill up, and while he’d been known to get a drink there after closing the gallery, he wasn’t in the mood to be around people at the moment. Pulling his phone out of his pocket, he summoned an Uber to ferry him the two miles to his apartment in Chelsea.

Braulio is 4 minutes away, his phone told him. While he waited, he texted Alexis again. Can you respond pls???

“Want me to talk or not talk?” his Uber driver asked as soon as David was settled into the back seat of the black Nissan.

“Don’t talk, please,” he responded. “Sorry.”

“Hey, no worries, man. That’s why I ask.” Braulio turned up his music a couple of clicks, the kind of unobjectionable, nondescript soundscape that was like something you’d hear in a modern hotel lobby. The driver had probably read on a website that it was the key to increasing tips or 5-star ratings.

David’s block on West 21st Street was packed with four and five-story apartment buildings, the short trees at regular intervals along the sidewalk offering a tiny break from the monotony of sandstone and concrete — although not this time of year, when they stuck up like twigs haphazardly shoved into the dirt by a giant, bored child. Shivering in his too-thin but fashionable jacket, he clicked on a rating for his Uber driver and shoved his phone in his pocket before making his way over to the short flight of stairs that led up to his building.

“Spare change,” a familiar voice called from a heap of blankets at the base of the building.

David opened his messenger bag and fished for the coins at the bottom. “It’s getting cold; you need to go to a shelter.”

“Not that cold,” the woman countered, holding her dingy Starbucks cup aloft. He dropped the coins in.

“The temperature’s dropping though.”

“Cold enough to ice skate.”

He took the non-sequitur in stride. “Well, not quite, but almost.”

“Your skates have to stay on the right line, ya know. You slip off and then suddenly—” She hit the cup, making the coins rattle. “Different universe.”

“Uh-huh. Will you go to a shelter, please? Don’t stay out here all night.” He re-clipped his bag and turned to walk away.

“You’re not supposed to be here, Mister Rose.”

“Well, I live here.”

“Not supposed to. Supposed to live in a motel with your family.”

David stopped and turned around. “What? Ew.”

“Rosebud,” she murmured.

“Oh, are we in Citizen Kane now?”

She hunkered down in her blankets, putting an end to what could only loosely be termed a conversation. Sighing, David left the homeless woman behind and entered the building’s vestibule. He then unlocked the inner door, shoving his way in with a grunt when the door inevitably stuck a little bit.

He mounted the one flight of stairs to his apartment. At the height of his family’s wealth, when David had been in his late twenties, he’d lived in a very posh apartment on the upper east side, but after the incident with his father’s business manager, he’d downgraded and moved to Chelsea. It was still a very nice, modern apartment, but it wasn’t what he’d once had.

The scent of sandlewood incense greeted him as he unlocked his door, and he wrinkled his nose and recoiled a little. Dropping his bag, he made his way to the kitchen and opened the refrigerator, hoping to find his leftovers from last night’s take-out. Of course they were gone. He slammed the refrigerator and swung around, ready to have it out with Brenton once and for all.

The man in question chose that moment to stride into the kitchen, shirtless, a pair of athletic shorts slung low on his waist. “Hey,” Brenton said. “Glad you’re here, we need to talk.”

“Yeah, we sure do.” David tried not to let his eyes drift down to the v-shaped crease of Brenton’s hips and failed.

“I’m gonna go stay with my boyfriend in LA for a while, so…” He shrugged. “Thanks for everything.”

“I’m sorry, your what? You never mentioned a boyfriend before,” David said, grimacing. He’d met Brenton last month at a cocktail party he’d thrown at the gallery. Young and blond and in his mid-twenties, Brenton was the son of a well-known hedge fund manager, and he seemed to be a guy whose sole occupation was drifting from one party to another, looking for a good time. He and David had hooked up several times in recent weeks, but their conversations had been limited to fashion and art world trends and what kind of sex they were into.

“Because we weren’t like that, you and me,” Brenton said with a disarming smile. “This was never about, you know, unpacking our pasts. And we never said we were exclusive.”

“I know that,” David snapped. “I didn’t say I expected exclusivity. Still, you might have mentioned—”

“He and I were figuring some things out, you know? But he’s gone out there for pilot season and the auditions are stressful, so I think I really just need to be there for him.”

“Oh, he’s an actor,” David said. “How fun for you.”

There wasn’t really much more to say, so after a few more empty platitudes from Brenton, he disappeared into David’s bedroom to get dressed and to gather whatever belongings he’d brought over in the course of their month-long affair. David sat at the kitchen island and flipped through an issue of Vogue without seeing the pages. He probed a little bit at his feelings, pressing against them like you’d touch a bruise, trying to determine how painful it was. He didn’t really care that much about Brenton — he was shallow and mostly unkind. David didn’t think he’d miss him. What did hurt was once again being shoved aside as soon as something better came along, after a lifetime of being shoved aside as soon as something better came along.

Once Brenton was gone, David tried cracking open a window to air out the apartment, but quickly closed it when it let in a biting cold wind. He was starting to get a headache, and he reached up to massage the back of his neck, trying to stave it off. Pulling out his phone, he checked Alexis’ instagram again, and then opened his messaging app.

[David] 911. Call me.

Surprisingly, his phone rang only a few seconds later.

“David, what? What’s the emergency?” Alexis sounded manic and not a little annoyed.

“I’ve been texting you all evening!” he almost shouted. “I’m sorry for worrying that you were dead.”

“I’m fine, why would I be dead?”

“Your social’s been dark for days.”

“Ugh. I’ve just been busy, David, I don’t have to post something every day as proof of life, do I?”

“You have to at least respond to my texts, Alexis.”

“Look, the club we were in might’ve gotten raided by police earlier, a little bit, but it’s fine because we found a back way out and we ran. It’s no big deal.”

“It kind of sounds like a big deal,” David said, rubbing his neck again. The headache was getting worse; the muscles running down from his skull were like iron rods. “Why were the police raiding the club?”

“How should I know what the Monaco police were doing?” she asked.

“Monaco? I thought you were in Italy.”

Alexis laughed. “Monaco is in Italy, David.”

“Monaco is a separate country, Alexis.”

“No, it’s… is it? Well anyway, Tiff and Lily and I are back at the hotel. I might come home, though. Stavros called and he wants to see me.”

David moaned unhappily. “Alexis, no, don’t go see Stavros. You’ll end up getting back together with him and that would be a terrible life choice.”

“Speaking of terrible life choices, is that Brett guy still crashing at your place?”

“It’s Brenton, and we were seeing each other, he wasn’t just ‘crashing’ here.”

“Mm-hmm.”

“And it’s over anyway.”

“Oh.” Her voice softened for the first time. “I’m sorry, David.”

He waved his hand, not that she could see him. “It doesn’t matter. I didn’t like him that much. He was just really hot.” He looked around the quiet, empty apartment. “You could stay here for a while, if you want.” Alexis was a chaos engine, but he also kind of missed her. Her whirlwind life would keep him from thinking about his own sad existence as much.

“Ew, what? Why? I’ve got way more space at Mom and Dad’s, and when I want to stay in the city, Klair lets me stay at the apartment with her stepmom. Who’s actually really cool, although she takes way too many pills.”

“Fine, whatever. Far be it from me to come between you and Klair’s stepmom.” He fluttered his hand again.

“Okay, don’t be like that. See, David, I know how you are. You’re lonely right now and you think you miss me, but you’d be sick of me the second I set foot through your doorway. You’d complain that I was too messy and that my friends were too loud and that I hadn’t used a coaster for my water glass.”

“Well, if you’d use a coaster—”

“David, it’s 3 a.m. here and you’re lecturing me about a hypothetical coaster. I’m gonna get some sleep now, okay?”

“Fine.”

“Go to Mom and Dad’s if you’re lonely,” Alexis said.

“I’m not lonely.”

“Goodnight, David.”

“Goodnight, Alexis.”

(Chapter 2)

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[additional content warnings after some spoiler space]

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[last warning]

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This fic will include a temporary character death, the temporariness of which should be obvious by the time it happens. Also note that this fic does include marital problems and adultery committed by Patrick, who didn't meet David in Schitt's Creek in this timeline, and (as you will see in the next chapter) ended up marrying Rachel. Just giving you an extra warning for that if it squicks you out.

#schitt's creek #schitts creek #david x patrick #david x patrick ff #hdwgb fic #my fic

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