#eleengrangel

[spittingwords-poetry]

Menos.

Cada día es más difícil rescatar aquello que se siente como “lo peor”.

Me causa rabia ver que no es tu culpa ni la mía,

soy testigo de la lucha por detener este deterioro que nos causa gran terror

No obstante, cada día que pasa es más difícil recordar cómo se sentía aquello que contigo tenía.

Cada día que pasa la taza se vuelve más tibia,

la rabia se pierde poco a poco en un pozo sin salida

y el vacío es el final suplente de aquella antigüa agonía.

- Eleen G. Rangel

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[spittingwords-poetry]

If...

... we never gave up,

Do you think we would be together?

Would you love me with all your strength?

Would you’ve had another women?

Would you had just used me?

Would I had fall for other men?

Would I had driven you insane?

Would you had stayed?

Would I had left?

Would you had driven me to death?

-Eleen G. Rangel, (30/04/2018, 01:11a.m.), “If”

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[spittingwords-poetry]

24/09

Do you know I miss you when it’s dark?

It’s all sub real,

I don’t know what this is.

Time goes by.

Could be months,

Could be years.

My mind can forget;

Again, for moths,

Or even for years.

Then, when the wind shuts,

The oceans dry,

And other lovers come:

There’s you.

Hidden in the safest of the places.

Where it all begun,

Where I could never something erase.

I have to confess:

Sometimes I miss you when it’s dark.

When the seasons have changed,

For the fourth time,

Maybe the third.

When the songs the waves sing,

Are no longer the ones we knew.

When your lovers are others,

When the Gods forbid “us” to exist.

When the time goes by,

And refuses to stop for us,

Killing each of the thoughts we once together loved.

-Eleen G. Rangel, 22/04, 23:22.

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[spittingwords-poetry]

I was so sure you were the one,
It turned out I was not completely right.
I came to find it was not you.
What I desired,
Was what in you I found.

I want non sleeping nights,
And someone who I can be around.
I want to fight sometimes,
But I want our fights to not last.

I want to be told things will go fine,
And be the one whose some tears wipe out.
I want nothing to make sense.
Feel I have lost my way,
Knowing where to look for faith.

I want someone I can call a home,
At the same time they drive me mad.
To laugh so hard,
We discover how much we are alike.

I want to feel close is not enough.
Make love,
Over and over again.
I want neither of us deciding to stop,
Not until we can hear our melted souls.

I want sex that has no sense, 
No matter what is pretext.
Either we feel like killing ourselves,
Or because we had the greatest of the days.

I want us to not give a dam,
Love each other no matter what.
Feel like for each other we would kill,
Like we could die,
But we would also everything give.

I desire someone to dance on my storms,
Someone who is not afraid they could get them sick.
I want to think I cannot do it no more,
But find back my strength in their being.

I want to be vulnerable and fragile again.
I want someone that breaks all my walls,
But still, someone who makes me feel loved.
I want to give someone the power to destroy,
To give all I have and all that I am.

”

-Eleen G Rangel

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[spittingwords-poetry]

Me dices que no me retenga,

pero le tengo miedo a lo que brote.

Le tengo miedo por los fantasmas de lo sucedido cuando pierdo control de mí misma,

Y temo por las cosas que digo sin haber pasado primero por el filtro de la razón.

Los pensamientos son indescriptibles y pavorosas las interpretaciones de la gente,

Que no entiende como yo lo hago y los pervierte con su propia mugre.

Ahora, hay que decir que hay de mugres a mugres,

Y cada quien es dueño de la mierda que se encarga de ensuciar,

Aún sin querer apestar,

Pero que al fin y al cabo, la mierda permanece mierda.

Es por eso que a veces callo,

Aunque siendo honesta hay mil y un más razones,

Siendo ésta la principal.

Creo que todo esto lo podría resumir con una idea,

Que fue la original.

La idea es esa de decirte aquello que ya te he dicho,

Pero que creo que nunca había yo misma oído.

Me gustaría decirte que te quiero.

Te quiero como un amigo y te quiero como mi confidente,

Te quiero para llamarte,

Y te quiero para que te quedes.

Te quiero y te quiero decir que nunca lo había dicho de una manera tan pura.

Es por eso que aunque sé que lo sentía nunca lo dije pensándolo.

Es inaceptable pensar en la corrupción del sentimiento al cobrar vida en tus ideas,

O las de otros.

Porque sé que cuando brote va a ser manipulado a favor de quien convenga,

De ti, o del aire,

O de mis auto-sabotajes.

Por que su mal-interpretación quebranta su significado y su pureza,

Me quebranta a mí, y a mí esencia.

Eleen G. Rangel, “Letter to my best friend”, (23/12/17, 04:15)

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[spittingwords-poetry]

Dependency

Will you walk with me when I can’t breathe?

I don’t want a lover,

Just to know I have also been chosen.

I desire to be a priority.

To be someone’s first plan

And find a person I can rely.

I’m not a fan of self-compassion

But

Can’t you see?

I’m so tired of attachment,

Yet I’m begging for someone to break my walls.

The worst is I don’t even know why.

-Eleen G Rangel, “Dependency” (03/01/2018, 23:40)

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[spittingwords-poetry]

Chaos

I miss having you so near

I could smell your skin.

The taste of my lips

Pressed to your cheeks.

I miss not thinking,

Just breathing.

Breathing you,

Breathing chaos.

-Eleen G Rangel (02/01//18, 01:30)

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[spittingwords-poetry]

Is it ridiculous to want back what we had? To crave the feeling of my fingers against your back, And the way we made love without a touch or a talk. Is it so wrong for me to be desperately searching for love? To want to feel safe by your loving arms, And to not want to give anyone else a chance. Is it really so wrong to don’t want to let go? I don’t need anything but your touch And your neck dancing with my tongue. Is it so wrong To feel I am completely lost? Honey, I have been before. But baby, Can you please come?

Eleen G Rangel, “Sad night” (11/06/2017, 22:51)

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[spittingwords-poetry]

It’s been a while since I can’t sleep at night. I feel like I’m trapped in myself. Something’s missing, but I can’t tell. I crave the bright lights of the cities night life. I want big cities, and skies full of opportunities. Somehow, I feel I’d still not be complete. I want some peace, enough for me to be, what I have always been. Somewhere far, a place *they* could never think about. Where trees are the only ones with the right to speak, giving me the calm that I desperately seek. I desire a place where I can love to create fire. A place where I can love showing my ire, without a soul who could feel dire. It’s been a while since I can’t sleep at night, but maybe I already know what this whole thing is about. I feel trapped, that is correct. But I’m surely not trapped in myself. As I just want what is correct, I did everything *they* once said. Not sure If I did so I could not get hurt, or because I care(d) about *them*. I crave big bright lights and the free trees’ life. Not because of the essence of the things, but for them to be impossible to get in here. Yes I feel like something’s missing, but now I sure can tell. It’s about people who’s forbidden for kissing, and this hell *they* call a place. Could be the place is not what’s wrong, but is that I call a home. Not because of the space at all, but for making my soul a forbidden song.

Eleen G. Rangel, “Caged” (27/05/2017, 03:55 a.m.)

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[spittingwords-poetry]

Do you still remember that night? The one I could not cease to cry. You thought it was just I, Terrified by the idea of saying goodbye. You held me in your arms, And slowly grabbed my hands. Promised me you were going to be back. It was a whisper, but yet so loud. Indeed, I was afraid. Not because ‘goodbye’ I said, But for I to be so scared Of those might be my last words to the air.

Eleen G. Rangel, “Frozen summer” (28/05/2017, 01:56 a.m.)

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[spittingwords-poetry]

You can’t live in shadows once you’ve been in light. You can’t give her your love, if you said I was your life. You can’t say you love me, and suddenly change your mind. You can’t spend your days with her when you gave me your nights. You should not be happy if it makes me want to die. You just can’t belong to her, Because you are already mine.

Eleen G. Rangel, “Mine” (2015) follow for more-> @spittingwords-poetry

[spittingwords-poetry]

I still remember when I first saw you. A horrible henna dragon tattoo, Golden eyes combining your hair, And all the words you did not say.

Eleen G Rangel (03/06/2017, 01:17 am) Follow for more-> @spittingwords-poetry

[spittingwords-poetry]

So what do I do? In the nights I'm alone, And full of sad songs?

Eleen G. Rangel Follow for more-> @spittingwords-poetry

[spittingwords-poetry]

Nothing

I don’t feel sad,

I dont feel blue.

I feel nothing;

That’s the truth.

I don’t feel you.

-Eleen G. Rangel, “Nothing”, 23/05/18 (18:27)

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[spittingwords-poetry]

Memory

I feel the memory of you;

Dying inside my bones,

Leaving my soul alone.

Giving me peace,

Letting me breathe.

-Eleen G. Rangel, (02/05/2018, 00:30) “Memory”

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[spittingwords-poetry]

-Eleen G Rangel “Letter to my best friend” *translated from spanish* Follow —> @spittingwords-poetry for more