#eleanor hope seed

[lulu2992]

“Welcome.”

In exactly two years in the timeline of “that fic I’ll never write”, on August 29th, 2026, Taylor and John will welcome their first child, a daughter named Eleanor Hope Seed.

I picked this middle name because it felt right (I doubt I’m the only one who’s had this idea for a Seed baby and/or Far Cry 5 OC) and her first name was inspired by Eleanor Lamb from BioShock 2, the character who awakened my parental instincts.

Between 2026 and 2035, the couple will have a total of four children. In fact, until very recently (about a month and a half ago), I would have said three, but I decided to also include a last son, originally from a sort of New Dawn AU I had. It suddenly made me very sad that he didn’t exist in the “main” timeline, so I fixed that :)

[xsherewrytesx]

↳ Toji Fushiguro x f! black reader

summary. You and Toji were broken up for 8 months+. Your constant pressure for him to improve led to frequent fights, driving him to spend more time at the mechanic shop and racing than with you. Despite knowing you meant well, the strain became too much, and Toji eventually ended the relationship.

genre: heavy angst, modern au, 18+, explicit smut, street racer au

fic warnings. ooc, profanity, mental health issues, toxic relationships, cheating, explicit smut, drug use, mentions of depression + more to be updated as story progresses.

Prequel

In the early days, before everything unraveled, before the weight of expectations and dreams became too heavy to bear, there was a time when your and Toji's relationship burned bright with hope and passion.

You were deep into your architecture studies at SCAD university, your days filled with drafting tables and design critiques. Toji, on the other hand, lived a more unconventional life. He worked at a mechanic shop during the day, fixing cars with a skill that hinted at years of hands-on experience. But it was the nights and weekends that defined him—a street racer, known for his daring maneuvers and his loyalty to his crew.

Their worlds collided one night at a local hangout spot, where street racers gathered like modern-day gladiators ready to battle it out on the asphalt. Toji's presence was magnetic, his confidence matched only by the roar of his engine. You were drawn to his intensity, the way he seemed to defy the rules both on and off the track.

Their first date was unconventional, to say the least. Toji took you for a ride in his prized Eleanor Mustang, pushing the car to its limits under the cover of night. The rush of adrenaline, the thrill of speed—it was intoxicating, a glimpse into Toji's world that you couldn't resist.

As their relationship blossomed, you saw potential in Toji beyond the mechanic shop and the late-night races. You believed in him fiercely, pushing him to dream bigger. It was you who planted the seed of owning his own shop, a place where he could showcase his talents and build something lasting.

Toji was hesitant at first, wary of your relentless optimism. "You think I don't want it hard enough?" he would argue, his voice tinged with frustration. "I take my time to learn things right, not rush into something half-assed like you want."

Their arguments became a cycle—a dance of passion and frustration, love and misunderstanding. You both made up after each fight, drawn back together by their shared fire, only to fall into another argument soon after.

The highs of victory at the races were often followed by the lows of heated debates over dinner, their friends, Sukuna, Geto, and Gojo, bearing witness to their volatile love affair.

One night, after Toji lost a crucial race, your disappointment turned to biting criticism. "You were too slow off the line," you snapped, your words a slap in the face. Toji, already raw from the defeat, snapped back with equal force. "I don't need this from you, Y/n! You think you know everything, but you don't understand what it takes!"

You scoffed and rolled your eyes," You sure act like you don't have what it takes." Toji's eyes widen incredulously at your words. He felt his heart crack for the first time since you guys started arguing almost daily.

Toji voice was raised,

"So, this is how you see me huh, just some bum mechanic. I hold my own. I pay my share and more. I do everything I can and more for you, for us. You want L.V, Bottega Veneta, anything you got that plus more. Trips to see your family back home. Tuition fees I help you pay that AND ONE FUCKING NIGHT IM OFF MY GAME AND THATS WHAT I GET Y/N. FORREAL"

Their friends watched in silence as the argument escalated, the air thick with tension and unspoken truths. Sukuna, usually the voice of reason, exchanged a worried glance with Geto and Gojo.

They had seen this before but not to this extent—the clash of two strong-willed souls who loved fiercely but couldn't find common ground.

Toji walked off leaving you with his friends. He walked over to his cousins Maki and Mai who were hanging with Yuuji, Nobara and Megumi, his younger brother.

Megumi sensing his older brother's tension offered him a beer and a quick smoke. Toji took the beer and the joint leaning against Megumi's custom built 2000 Mazda rx7 series 8 in orange.

Megumi stood next to Toji analyzing him before asking. "Wanna talk about it bro. We all saw the commotion from over here. The music was too loud for us to hear but we know it was bad."

Toji sighed not wanting to talk, just think. "Just the usual these days honestly but I'm good man......For the most part." Megumi studied his older brother's face for a moment. He's never seen Toji look so stressed out before. He's usually a bit more carefree and relaxed. Yuuji strode over to offer Megumi another drink and glanced at Toji, who was deep in thought. "Is y/n trippin on him again?" Yuuji inquired, to which Megumi nodded in confirmation.

"Why doesn't he just...idk take a break or end things. They went from the it couple of the meet ups to that old miserable couple who hate each other but stay together for the kids and mortgage." Toji laughed at Yuuji's analogy of his and your relationship.

As the night wore on, Toji retreated into brooding silence, nursing his wounded pride. you, to hurt to stay, stormed off into the night, leaving behind a trail of regrets and unresolved emotions.

The weeks following that pivotal night were filled with tension and distance for you and Toji. What was once a vibrant relationship had deteriorated into a fragile shell of its former self. Intimacy had become a distant memory—

No more shared moments of passion, no lazy mornings in each other's embrace, no whispered promises. Instead, your interactions were marked by tense exchanges and the heavy weight of unspoken issues weighing on you and Toji's mind.

Toji sought solace in the familiar clang of tools and the smell of motor oil at the mechanic shop. It became his sanctuary, a place to bury himself in work, tuning up cars before and after races, avoiding the suffocating atmosphere of his once-shared apartment.

His boss and uncle, Naobito, initially tried to send Toji home at reasonable hours. But seeing the turmoil in his young mechanic, he relented, letting Toji work as long as he needed to find peace in the roaring engines and the adrenaline-fueled world of street racing.

Days stretched into weeks, and Toji's absence from home became the new normal. He spent his evenings at Geto's or Sukuna's place, smoking, chilling and talking about life and racing. He liked being around them. They understood the allure of the fast life and how the life is, especially for him.

When Toji finally returned home, it was almost three weeks since he had last stepped foot in the apartment. Exhausted, he unlocked the door, hoping for a moment of peace, but you were waiting for him, your eyes blazing with anger.

The sight of Toji, worn and distant, triggered a burst of accusations and pent-up frustrations. “Where the hell you been, Toji? Do you even care anymore?” Your voice cracked with anger and hurt.

Toji just sighed not wanting to argue with you as soon as he got through the door. He opted for silence, but you pushed on again

“Toji, where the hell have you been?” you demanded again, your voice sharp. “You think you can just disappear for weeks and not tell me where you are?”

Toji, weary from weeks of turmoil and external pressure, finally snapped. “You think I don’t care? You think this is easy for me? Plus, I’ve been working, racing. I needed some space."

His words were sharp, each syllable laced with bitterness and exhaustion. He was trying not to unleash everything that had been brewing inside him for weeks.

“Man, miss me with that,” you fired back, tears streaming down your face. “You been out here actin’ like I don’t exist. You think I’m stupid? You out there wit’ somebody else? and what's this bullshit about Space...SPACE! You needed space, so you just leave me here, not knowing if you’re dead or alive? You didn’t even call!”

Toji’s eyes flashed with frustration. “I ain’t been with nobody else! I’ve been at the shop, tryin’ to get my mind right. But you always jumpin’ to conclusions. I didn't wanna fight with you almost every night after a day at the shop. I just needed to clear my head."

“You expect me to believe that? You ain’t been home in weeks, Toji! Weeks! and you talking shit about clearing your head” you shouted, your voice rising with every word.

“Clear your head?” you echoed again, your voice dripping with sarcasm. “You mean avoid your responsibilities. Avoid me. Toji, this isn’t working,” you said, your voice breaking. “You’ve been gone for weeks, and you didn’t even think to call me. What am I supposed to think?”

“I needed space! You don’t get it, do you? Every time I come home, it’s like walkin’ into a battlefield. I can’t breathe here! You think I was out there having fun? I was working my ass off, trying to keep my head above water! And you? You didn’t check on me either! You didn’t care if I was alive or dead!”

Toji yelled back, his frustration boiling over.

“That’s not fair, Toji! You shut me out!” you shouted, your voice trembling with a mix of anger and hurt. “You didn’t give me a chance! You needed space? So you just leave? Just like that? What about us? What about our plans, our dreams?” you cried, desperation seeping into your voice.

“Toji, I’m tired of this!” you yelled, your frustration boiling over. “You never take anything seriously! Not our relationship, not your future. You just coast by, doing the bare minimum.”

Toji scoffed, “That's bull shit and you know it I've been busting my ass trying to make something of myself. All you do is nag and push and talk and push and fucking frustrate me and the fuck you mean by plans? dreams? You mean your plans, your dreams. You never asked what I wanted. You just assumed. You pushed and pushed until there was nothing left of me but your expectations.”

“Nah, that’s bullshit!” you cried. “I was tryin’ to make you see your worth. You got talent, Toji. You could be somethin’ big, but you stuck in that damn garage like you scared of success! Why can’t you see that I just want what’s best for you?"

“You don’t get it!” Toji roared back, his face contorted with pain and anger. “I love working on cars. I love racing. It ain’t about throwin’ away potential. It’s about doin’ what makes me happy. But you... you always want more. Nothing is ever enough for you NOTHING I DO OR TRY IS ENOUGH!”

“So it’s wrong to want the best for you? For us?” you countered, desperation creeping into your voice. “We had dreams, Toji. Big dreams. What happened to those?”

“They turned into your dreams, not mine,” Toji shot back. “You never asked what I wanted. You just assumed. You pushed and pushed until there was nothing left of me but your expectations.”

“You think I’m just naggin’ you? You think I don’t want you to be happy? I just wanted us to be happy. To build somethin’ real,” you whispered, your voice breaking.

Toji’s voice, when he spoke again, was cold and detached. “I can’t do this anymore,” he declared.

“I’m done, Y/n,” Toji said, his voice cold. “I’m done fighting. I’m done trying to be someone I’m not for you.”

Toji stared at you for a long moment, his expression unreadable. Then he pulled out his phone and dialed Sukuna’s number.

“Yo, Sukuna. I need your help. Can you come over and help me move my stuff?”

Your shock turned to disbelief, then to a desperate plea. “Toji, please, don’t do this. We can work through this, I promise.”

Toji paused, his gaze hardening. “Nah, it’s too late for promises,” he said flatly, his eyes devoid of emotion.

“Sukuna,” Toji said into the phone, “I need you to come over. Help me move out.”

Sukuna’s voice came through the phone, confused and concerned. “What’s going on, man? You sure about this?”

“Yeah, I’m sure,” Toji replied, glancing at you. “I need to get out of here.”

As he hung up, you continued to shout at him, your voice desperate and raw. “You can’t just leave, Toji! You can’t just walk out on us!”

Toji ignored your pleas, moving through the apartment with a sense of finality. He packed his belongings swiftly, each item a silent testament to your shattered dreams.

Pulling out a wad of cash, he dropped it on the table. “Cover my share of the expenses. It's about 15k”

Overwhelmed by a mixture of emotions—anger, sadness, betrayal—you snatched the money and flung it at Toji hitting him in the back. “I don’t want your damn money!” Your voice cracked with emotion, your heart breaking with each passing moment.

Toji picked up the cash calmly, placing it on a side table without a second glance. He took off his apartment keys, dropping them next to the money. “Use it or not, I don’t care anymore.” His voice was hollow, his gaze distant as he turned away.

“You runnin’ away again, Toji! Just like you always do when things get tough!” you shouted, anger and pain mixing into a volatile cocktail.

Toji froze, his back to you. Slowly, he turned around, his expression hardened by years of unresolved conflict. “Maybe I am,” he admitted, his voice barely above a whisper.

“But I can’t keep pretending everything’s okay when it’s not. I’m tired, Y/n. I’m tired of fighting, of trying to live up to your expectations. I need space to figure things out.” Toji said dejected rubbing his temples.

Just as the tension reached its peak, there was a knock at the door. Sukuna entered; his usual smirk replaced with a look of concern. “Yo, you really doin’ this, Toji?”

Toji nodded, his resolve unwavering. “Yeah, I’m done. Just need to be out of here.”

You followed them through the house, your pleas growing more desperate. “Toji, please! Don’t do this. We can fix this; I know we can!”

Sukuna glanced at Toji, his brow furrowed. “You sure about this, man? You wanna throw all this away?”

Toji’s frustration boiled over, and he snapped at Sukuna. “I said, I’m sure! Just help me pack and let’s get out of here!”

Sukuna nodded, silently helping Toji gather his things. You trailed behind, tears streaming down your face, your heart breaking with each passing moment.

“Toji, you can’t just walk away. What about all the good times? What about us?” you begged, your voice cracking.

Toji paused, his eyes filled with a mix of sadness and determination. “I’m sorry, Y/n. I really am. But I can’t keep doing this. I need to breathe. I need to be me, without all this pressure.”

You watched helplessly as Toji packed his belongings, his movements mechanical and distant. In a desperate attempt to stop him, you grabbed at his clothes, trying to yank them out of his hands. “Toji, don’t go. Don’t leave me like this.”

Toji, startled by your physical resistance, tugged his clothes back with a firm grip. “Let go, Y/n. This ain’t gonna change nothin’.”

“Stop it, Toji! Just stop!” you screamed, your voice filled with a mix of rage and desperation. “You can’t do this to us!”

The tussle escalated, both of you pulling at his belongings until Toji managed to wrench them from your grasp. “Enough!” he shouted, his voice echoing through the apartment.

Breathing heavily, you looked at him with tear-filled eyes, your voice a trembling whisper. “I hate you, Toji. I wish I never met you.”

Toji froze, his eyes widen at your words, his expression one of shock and pain. He stared at you; his voice dangerously quiet. “Say that again.”

“I said I hate you! I wish I never met you!” you repeated, each word cutting through the air like a knife.

Toji’s face hardened, the weight of your words settling heavily on his shoulders. Slowly, he reached for the double Cuban link bracelets on his wrists, removing them one by one. He placed them gently on the coffee table, followed by the matching ring and the promise ring you both exchanged on Valentine’s Day last year.

He looked at you one last time, his voice filled with a cold finality. “I hope you’re happy now. Goodbye, Y/n."

With those words, Toji turned away, grabbing his packed bags and walking out the door without a backward glance. Sukuna lingered for a moment, casting a sympathetic look your way before following Toji out of the apartment.

Alone in the silence that followed, you collapsed onto the couch, tears streaming down your face. The apartment felt emptier than it ever had before, the air thick with the weight of shattered dreams and unresolved emotions.

Weeks turned into months, and the ache in your heart slowly dulled to a persistent throb. Toji’s absence became a void you learned to live with, the memories of happier times a bittersweet reminder of what once was.

You threw yourself into your studies, burying your pain in the relentless pursuit of your dreams. Architecture became your sanctuary, a place where you could lose yourself in the creative process, if only temporarily.

Occasionally, you caught glimpses of Toji’s life through mutual friends or social media—snapshots of him at races, laughing with Sukuna and Geto, the tattooed sleeves on his arms a stark reminder of how much had changed.

Sometimes you'd even attend street races, it's been apart of your routine for so long. It was hard to stop.

And yet, despite the passage of time, a part of you couldn’t let go. The memories of Toji—

𝕆𝕟𝕖, 𝔼𝕔𝕙𝕠𝕖𝕤 𝕠𝕗 𝕥𝕙𝕖 𝕡𝕒𝕤𝕥

You hadn't planned on driving through this part of town. Memories lurked here, painful and poignant, like ghosts whispering from every corner. Your hands tightened on the steering wheel as you navigated familiar streets, the echoes of old arguments and broken promises haunting your thoughts.

The engine of your car hummed steadily, a contrast to the erratic beat of your heart. The shop came into view, its neon sign with the words Zenin Auto's flickering even in the bright midday sun.

As you approached, the sound of an all-too-familiar song filled the air, blending with the scent of gasoline and burnt rubber. "Same Old Song" by The Weeknd. Ironic, really.

You saw him before he saw you. Toji was at the center of the garage, his presence commanding, even now. His back was turned, engrossed in conversation with Sukuna near the open hood of a sleek, black Dodge Hellcat.

Sukuna, his lean frame leaning casually against the car, glanced up and caught your eye with a grimace, his cigarette dangling from his lips as usual. He nudged Toji, and Toji turned slowly, a spark of recognition igniting in his eyes.

Toji looked different yet the same. His muscles seemed more defined, his sleeves of his jumpsuit tied around his waist to reveal new tattoos that snaked up his arms like wild vines. A silver lip ring gleamed on the opposite side of his lip scar, a bold addition to his rugged appearance.

His hair, always a bit tousled, now fell just a touch longer, framing his face in a way that made your heart ache with nostalgia. He wore his usual navy-blue jumpsuit with the sleeves tied around his waist, paired with black Timberland work boots and a black fitted vest.

You felt frozen, caught between the urge to turn away and the magnetic pull of unfinished business. Your car idling in front the shop. Memories flooded back, unbidden. Late nights spent waiting for him to come home, the scent of motor oil clinging to his clothes.

The fierce arguments, the passionate reconciliations, and the relentless push from you for him to strive for more. You had meant well, always. But sometimes, love alone couldn't bridge the gap between two people heading in different directions.

Toji's gaze locked onto yours, his expression unreadable at first. For a fleeting moment, it seemed as though time had stood still. Then, a flicker of something crossed his face—was it surprise, regret, or resignation?

He scoffed lightly, a faint smirk tugging at the corners of his lips as he lifted a joint to his mouth and lit it with practiced ease. The flame briefly illuminated the scar on his lip, a mark you used to trace with your fingers in quieter times.

"What the hell is she doing here?" Toji thought, the anger he had buried resurfacing. "After all this time, she just shows up. For what?"

The sight of you, unchanged yet somehow different, tugged at memories he had tried to bury beneath the noise of the racing engines and the smoke of his joint.

He remembered the way your eyes sparkled when you smiled, the softness of your touch that could soothe even his fiercest temper. But alongside those memories, there was also the weight of unresolved issues, the fear of falling back into old patterns that had left you both scarred.

Your thoughts were a whirlwind. "Why does he have to look so good?" you wondered, struggling to maintain your composure. "Does he even care that I'm here? Does he even miss me?"

In that charged silence, you found yourself grappling with a whirlwind of emotions.

The lyrics of the song playing in the background seemed to mock you both.

And now I'm poppin', yeah Ain't nobody showed me how I made it big poppin', yeah Tell me how you like me now I swear I loved you, girl,

a bitter reminder of the love you had once shared and the pain that had torn you apart.

Toji wanted to say something, anything, to break the tension that crackled between you. But pride and stubbornness held his words captive, leaving only the smoke of his joint to fill the silence.

"She really had the nerve to come here," Toji thought, his jaw tightening. "Ain't no way I'm letting her see me sweat."

In that suspended moment, neither of you moved. You could feel Sukuna's eyes on you, a silent observer to the reunion that neither of you had expected.

Toji's jaw tightened imperceptibly as he pushed a hand through his hair, breaking eye contact and turning away with a dismissive gesture. The casualness of the gesture masked the turmoil beneath the surface, a storm of conflicting emotions that threatened to engulf you both.

"I should just leave," you thought, the weight of the past too heavy to bear. But before you could gather your thoughts, Toji turned his back completely, disappearing deeper into the shadows of the garage. Sukuna's lingering gaze followed you as you stood there, grappling with the weight of unfinished conversations and unresolved feelings.

"Toji really gonna let her presence fuck his head up like this?" Sukuna thought, watching Toji retreat.

The decision was made in a heartbeat. With a deep breath, you turned the wheel sharply, the tires squealing in protest as you sped away from the shop and the ghosts of the past that lingered there.

As the distance between you and Toji grew, you fought to steady your trembling hands and quiet the storm of emotions raging within.

[sadaveniren]

I don’t know how many people who follow me follow me for my writing (which I haven’t done for a few years now) or otherwise but if you don’t know I began my journey in this fandom as a fic writer.

The first fic I started posting was called An Illusion in Time. I began referring to it lovingly as my eternal WIP because in the middle of writing it Zayn left the band and I had a lot of mixed feelings about that, especially for the role Zayn was going to play in the fic. I’ve always been kinda vague about the ending because I do know what the ending is, so I never wanted to spoil it for people since the goal always was to finish it.

I’m ngl my guys. With Liam dead that’s…. Not looking likely.

But the previous post I just reblogged actually captured exactly how that fic was going to end. So for the people who loved that fic and were always curious where it was going (I’m thinking of one reader in particular who always tried to guess what was happening) this is for you 🫶🏻

For those unfamiliar with the fic and don’t want to trod through 105k of some of my most self-indulgent writing the skinny of it are Harry and Louis from January 2010 show up in Louis and Harry’s house in January 2015. They get a glimpse of the celebrity life (I was having them stay at OTRA until that break that they had in the beginning of March) and then they wake up back in January 2010. And yes, what got them put back in the past was going to be a past and future Harry/Louis foursome. That was literally the initial point of the fic 🤣

But once they got BACK to the past the question is where would they go from there? I never ended up writing the scene but at the present point in the fic baby Harry and Louis don’t actually know the truth of their lives. They think they are together and that’s that. But - not sure it popped through - I was laying the seeds that they were in Our Present. There was Eleanor. There was man whore Harry. And there was going to be a scene in one of the upcoming chapters where baby Harry finds out about Eleanor from fans in a coffee shop - has an absolute fucking meltdown - screaming, tantrum, you name it. He’s 15, he believes he’s met his soulmate and seen his future and that his future is good and it turns out it’s all a lie. Future Louis and Future Harry have been lying to him. It culminates in him (and Baby Louis) having Zayn tattoo something small on their inner wrists - thus (unknown to everyone) setting up to fully separate the timelines for good.

So when they go back and wake up they still have those tattoos and the knowledge of what happens. And they ultimately decide to change their destiny. In the final chapters they would have auditioned as a teen gay duo, and because fixed points in time still happen, 1D would have been put together ultimately but the band wouldn’t have become what it was. Because in that world they were openly together when the band started. They couldn’t be put back into a box. So 1D becomes like … B level famous in England, and Europe, and Asia, and South America, and they get richer than they ever imagined they could but it’s not the same level of fame. They had changed their path.

And then the epilogue would come, set in Baby Harry and Louis’ January 2015. And Future Harry and Louis from 2020 come back, and they both see what the babies made for themselves. And they are both … so happy for them but so tired. And it’s never explicitly stated in the fic but yeah - future Harry and Louis are still OUR Harry and Louis. They’re together, they’re happy, but it’s hollow. They’ve lost so much. And the babies haven’t. The juxtaposition would have been beautiful.

And then they would have had another foursome but this time Future Louis cries a lot 🤷🏼‍♀️ because I’m basic and like … hello that’s the point.

Anyway. Sorry for anyone who has been waiting for that fic to finish getting “spoiled” or whatever. Hope this is cathartic in some ways. Or not.

[shebeafancyflapjack]

The Ghosts thoughts after first meeting Silver (My OC)

Julian

"Great. A bloody hippy. That's all we need. But so long as she leaves all that tree hugging malarkey outside, we should get on swimmingly - as out of all this lot I'm the one who's most down with the kids of today. We can chat Tetris and Pac Man and Jason Donovan."

Humphrey

"Seems a sweet enough girl. Clearly got a bit of trouble staying focused but that should let her fit in well enough with the others. We had a bit of laugh for the fleeting moment we did chat, good sense of humor on her once you get her talking. All the woo stuff goes over my head but to each their own, at least she has a hobby."

Fanny

"Outrageous! As if I didn't think the company here could become even more debauched, we now have a scantily clad heathen child running about! Whatever next?! She claims not to be a prostitute but just look at those stockings! And that tattoo and that piercing! Can't the feral urchin remain in the woods?!"

Captain

"Tragic for anyone to die so young. With that said, the girl doesn't seem to care much for authority or my offer to take her under my wing to explain how we run things in this house. She's no Katherine, that's for certain, and I do hope her disrespect doesn't rub off on her if they're to become friends. Quite a fetching pair of boots though."

Pat

"Aww, it's always great to have a new face join us! Not so great that she's just a kid, but she seems to be handling it well, bless her heart. She says she loves the outdoors so am looking forward to sharing all my know how with her, though we're gonna have to rein in a bit of that potty mouth on her, for the sake of the vein in Lady B's forehead."

Thomas

"I admit to feeling the briefest of attractions when laying my eyes upon this new maiden who graced our home of the undead, with so much of her body on display it was a test of will to lower my gaze in respect. The moment of lust swiftly passed, as alas it seems, like our dear departed Annie, she seems to only have eyes for the fairer sex. I suppose we have that in common at least."

Kitty

"Oh hooray! A friend! A girl friend my own age, I never thought I'd be so lucky! And she has pink hair. PINK hair! Can I have pink hair? I know ghosts can't change outfits but we can change hair, can't we?! Oh and she loves games and dancing as much as I do! Not quite sure on some of the music she prefers, a bit too....scary for my taste but that My Immortal is hauntingly beautiful! The whole witchcraft thing makes me a little nervous, especially since Eleanor and I once tried to contact the spirit of Mama as children. But perhaps dear Silver could help me with a love potion?"

Mary

"Demon. Demon child. Beelzebub's brat. Lucifer's seed! Look at her, no shame at all, wearing the Dark Lord's symbol on her neck with pride! Doth she not fear the ducking stool? Wilt she not kiss the feet of the Virgin and beg for forgiveness?! Maybe she not be human. Mayhaps she be one of the Fae or a Changeling in disguise as a mere little'en. Can already see some of the others fallin' under her charms. She will bring ruination on us all.....Unless serious measures be taken, so they must...God have mercy on her soul, if one be there." [Mary's first impressions would later be SERIOUSLY redacted]

Robin

"Strange young lady dance alone under Moonah. Sing praise to Moonah. Drink funny smelling tea. See Robin. Dance with Robin. Then scream. Then dead. Then sleep real long time. She ask me to stay. I stay. Wait. It big boring but stay. She pretty. Young and pale. Remind me of sister. No not THAT sister, ew. Baby sister. Nah. We save her at birth with Moonah water but she still die young. Me lay her in blue flowers. Dad call her Moonah Girl. Me lay strange girl in same flowers. Tell others there dead girl in woods. They no listen. I visit new girl every day. Still sleep. On full moonah, she finally wake. She connected to Moonah. She new Moonah Girl. Funny and silly, chat very fast then sometimes go long quiet. Very strange. Have to protect. She need friend. I stay close. Failed first Moonah Girl...can't ever fail new one."

[mylittleredgirl]

20 questions for fic writers

thanks @annerbhp for the tag! i really enjoyed reading her answers too!

1. How many works do you have on ao3?

215

2. What’s your total ao3 word count?

646,705 (average of 3k per fic, which sounds about right)

3. What fandoms do you write for?

stargate atlantis most often, followed by sg-1, various star treks, and the x-files (with other miscellaneous fandoms on demand for exchanges and gifts).

4. What are your top five fics by kudos?

No Sooner Met (voyager, janeway/chakotay)

Career Day (sg-1, mini!otp)

Next Chapter (the good place, chidi/eleanor)

First Date (voyager, janeway/chakotay) editor's note: man my title game was weak in my voyager era

Occupational Hazards (the good place, chidi/eleanor)

it's so funny to spend my online time in small or inactive fandoms and look at statistics because i'm like yeah... i'm kind of a big deal... people know me... i have many leather-bound volumes... and not a single one of my fics crack 300 kudos (& very few over 100). the person i reblogged from topped out over 9,000! what's it like to write long fics for popular fandoms? is it cool?

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

i do now! and it's awesome! for a long time i was intimidated by praise and had a hard time responding, but my brain works now and i really enjoy exchanging comments that turn into long threads of headcanon back-and-forth and sometimes new friends.

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

oh god PLEASE let me unburden my soul about Twilight (sga, john/elizabeth). it's so uncharacteristically hopeless for me -- far future fic, complicated family dynamics, elizabeth has dementia and john is estranged from their son... really no one is having a good time. i think it's interesting and a cool departure from my usual writing style, but it's also a big sad mess.

i still feel sooooo guilty about these two thousand words of misery that i REGULARLY think about writing a sequel where john and his son fix it with time travel and mend fences. like i lie awake at night worrying about these characters because one time in 2007 i didn't give them a happy ending and suggested john might not break the bad father generational cycle. normal fic writer behavior.

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

Weaving Loose Ends (sg-1, sam/jack)! i love happy and hopeful endings but i think of all of them, this one is the most resolved and least complicated.

8. Do you get hate on fic?

nope. oh!!!! there was the one time when i caused Big Drama in a corner of the Dancing With The Stars fandom by turning people's headcanons into rpf, which everyone liked until one included porn. people got so heated with each other over this one smut fic (doxing! splinter factions! a fandom schism!) but somehow no one was ever actually mean to me. i didn't even get blocked or banned for my rpf transgressions, i was just standing there at the eye of the storm. so... i guess the answer is still no??

9. Do you write smut?

yes! i should probably write more, though. it has been all slow and gauzy the past few years, somebody should really get railed pretty soon.

10. Do you write crossovers?

nope.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

i don't think so. happily toiling in obscurity.

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

back in the x-files days i think someone translated some of my doggett/reyes fics for a spanish archive, so those might still be out there.

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

no i haven't!! i am really not doing well collecting my fic writer girl scout badges here!!

14. What’s your all-time favourite ship?

john sheppard/elizabeth weir my beloved.

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but probably won’t?

i have 10k of an sg-1 episode-by-episode soulmate fic that started really strong and i would love to share someday, but i lack staying power so it will surely just go to seed in my dropbox forever!!

16. What are your writing strengths?

hopefully character complexity and dialogue. dialogue is interesting in fanfic, because the dialogue on many TV shows is really different than how real humans speak (it's scripted to be clearer, more concise and direct, uninterrupted, etc), so it's a fun challenge to balance that and get something that sounds both in-character and realistic.

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

long fics!

the big related weakness is that i find it incredibly difficult to keep writing on a fic after i show it to anyone (as a sneak peek, or because i want feedback / encouragement / brainstorming help). i lose steam on my own, but posting or inviting other people into the process is like pouring sugar in the gas tank. why is that!! how do i fix this!!!

and i don't know if this is a "writing weakness" or an "egregious personal character flaw" but i sure did finish an exchange fic this year literally forty seconds before reveals, so that's... pretty bad.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

SO SCARY aughhhh my fear of Being Wrong really nukes me here. it doesn't even have to be a real language. it's like the ghost of JRR Tolkein himself is standing over my shoulder telling me that if i don't backwards engineer an entire proto-latinate space language instead of just chucking words into google translate and calling it Ancient i'm committing unpardonable sins.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

star trek! first internet-published fics were x-files, but first limited-print-edition fics were xeroxed hand-bound voyager stories my sister and i would give as "gifts" to family friends (and then stand there staring at them while they read the first few pages and told us how clever and creative we were and promised to "read the rest later").

20. Favourite fic you’ve written?

new answer! i have always answered this before with ain't no sunshine (sga, john/elizabeth) or career day (sg-1, mini!otp), but i think i really stuck the landing this year on pieces (sga, john/elizabeth). which, incidentally, is the one i finished forty seconds before reveals so i'm definitely not going to learn anything from that narrow escape.

tagging @ussjellyfish if you haven't already done this one, @coraclavia, @havocthecat, @lonesomehighways, and anyone else who made it through this long post and would like to do it!

[louisisalarrie]

If they start the ‘Louis has a bf but it’s not harry’ narrative I will cry

Yeah look… I mean… he’s been stuck in a super het image ever since bbg and partyboyLouis came around in like 2015. It would be a wild shock after him denying larry to just be like “hey nah we’re dating/hanging out!” without a slow introduction to his sexuality, and would make fans felt like he lied to them etc etc. and not to mention the whole “enemies” thing.

So the smoothest way to do this without losing the solos/weird F lovers/antis would be to introduce a male partner stunt. Same way they tried to do it with Harry and Xander when bbg was happening, as a slow coming out. You have to remember that fans will feel lied to and it’s a longer process than that, unless larry just dropped the bomb, said fuck it, and did a tell all kinda thing. But they’re being very careful to protect their careers and those around them.

Harry is already in a glass closet. While he has a female stunt at the moment, it’s kinda assumed by the GP and fans that he is not straight. It’s been a process, for sure, but it’s also been in the works since like 2015/1d days. And it’s shown he has support from fans and the public (except all this larrybaiting/queerbaiting shit that he’s been accused of), and so it’s going to be a smoother process to come out if he has a male stunt, as opposed to louis who has a child involved with this.

I’ve gone through my theories on how to end bbg and have louis still look like a good guy and also come out as never having slept with a woman, but it doesn’t stop at bbg. It’s Eleanor as well. It’s years and years of unravelling to do so it doesn’t upset fans. It needs to be gently seeded, and we haven’t seen that with him yet like we have with Harry, unfortunately. But I really hope they start the process asap.

And I think they’re probably gonna start Louis’ process soon, without Harry actually confirming his sexuality/being with a male stunt so it doesn’t look like they’re both gay. Idk. It’s a bloody process and it sucks so bloody bad.

[henrysglock]

Listen to me. Listen. If you give me the chance to talk about a Henry figure skater au I will NEVER shut up about it. He's so incredibly elite skater coded you don't even know. Brenner is so incredibly "coach who's after glory and doesn't care that he's pushing kids to their breaking points" coded.

I'm going to talk about it under the cut because I have SO much to say

Henry's signature jumping pass is a delayed double axel. What he misses in points on it, he makes up with artistry points and upgrading other jumps to quads. He's one of the few mens skaters who can do a proper Bielmann. His technique is strong, but his artistry is stronger. His nimbleness on the ice and the way he seems suspended in midair on his delayed 2A are what gets him nicknamed "the spider". He's generally quiet and unhappy, which everyone mistakes for him being heartless and aloof. He's not, it's just that Brenner doesn't know when to stop pushing, which is why Henry is never smiling in his press releases. He got two consecutive grand prix finals gold medals before The Scandal where he supposedly attacked a fellow skater before having The most disastrous injury the skating world has ever seen. He's rumored to have killed himself after the whole debacle. (He's not dead. He bums around Hawkins Community Ice Arena at the early freestyle sessions that No One ever attends...except Eleanor Hopper, when Jim can get his ass out of bed to take her) Virginia originally wanted him to "be a man" and do hockey while Alice did FS, but he's not um. built for that, exactly. So she stuck him with Brenner hoping Brenner could make something useful out of him.

When they were younger: Scott (who's part of AV club in addition to working on the school paper) was Not a team sports guy and would rather find more interesting things than football, and who better to talk about than the kid who's going to junior nationals?? They fall out of touch when they've graduated and Henry's time is completely monopolized by Brenner, who wants to craft him into the perfect super-weapon of a skater (spoiler: all he actually does is give him a mental breakdown, a physical breakdown, and get him banned from competition by framing him once he's showing signs of becoming obsolete)

Henry's disaster injury that I mentioned earlier comes about from years of simply being pushed consistently past his limit mentally and physically. He's exhausted. Everyone's body has a breaking point, and he happens to hit that point in the middle of an uncharacteristically sloppy routine on a botched 4Lz. He cracks his skull on the ice, and he's "lucky" he didn't die. It may not have killed him, but it did make his memory of the events leading up to the injury spotty at best, which makes it that much easier for Brenner to pin everything on him being a bad seed with whom he did his best.

After being all but excommunicated from the FS community, Henry drops off the face of the Earth. No one but Scott, Victor, and Alice know what he's up to (which is: dating Scott and having a much needed mental health break).

Henry flies under the radar that way until he meets El, who happens to have been training under Brenner for several years. Henry totally poaches her from Brenner, even though he himself has zero coaching experience. It's alright, because he and El are on the same wavelength when it comes to their approaches to complex skills. The only pictures of him smiling at press releases are after he takes El on as a student.

El absolutely smacks Angela in the face with her skate. Jonathan, high, tells her it could have been so much worse, at least she had her rubber blade guard on. Henry poaching El from Brenner is what reintroduces him to the skating community, but his defense of El in her mini-scandal reopens the overdue investigation into his own scandal. Deeper digging reveals the depth of Brenner's involvement, as well as evidence of decades of concealed abuse within the relationship.

Henry and Alice did pairs as children, and they were actually a pretty good team. Alice fell out of the sport after a bad fall, which Virginia blames Henry for (and Henry silently blames himself for). The blame and guilt in that regard only makes it easier for Brenner to be a piece of shit and get away with it.

Lonnie wanted Will to do hockey. Will isn't the hockey type, but he does enjoy bumming around with El and the Party at public skate. Mike is literally Bambi on ice, but it's endearing.

Jim 100% thought Henry was creeping on El at the early freestyle sessions until he figured out that oh. Henry's with Scott, and Brenner's the sicko. He and Henry started out on the wrong foot and never really recovered from it. They're like two feral cats forced to share territory.

This is 100% me self-indulging with Henry and El's mentor-student potential. He's her rink Dad, okay?

HCIA is nicknamed the "Rainbow Rink" a) because of the rainbow tiling on the lobby floor, and later b) because it's associated with Henry, who's rumored (later confirmed) to be gay.

Scott is also Bambi on ice. It's okay, it's just another reason for him to hold Henry's hand <3

[manuscripts-dontburn]

Stone Blind

Author: Natalie Haynes

First published: 2022

Rating: ★★☆☆☆

I am so, so sorry, but this one was a mess. The Gods ruin it, because they are, in fact, 21st century teenagers. The other thing that ruins it is a million points of view which chop the story up in a way that takes every exciting moment away, stretching it until you just do not care one bit. And Medusa? She is a minor character, to the point of being in the story for less than even half of it. Natalie Haynes can do better and has done better.

What Maisie Knew

Author: Henry James

First published: 1897

Rating: ★☆☆☆☆

Dear Lord... I think this was the most tedious and boring book I have read this year so far. If I was not listening to it on audio, I would have DNF-ed it halfway through. I was hoping for much, much more from a classic dealing with a child of a messy divorce and custody battle in times when divorce was still a dirty word. Sadly this is just a mix of awful people and a desperately naive kid in situations that are so repetitive I could have cried.

The Golden Enclaves

Author: Naomi Novik

First published: 2022

Rating: ★★★★☆

I cannot deny this whole series has issues, mainly it needed much, much more editing, and the info-dumps, so often taking a form of a stream of consciousness, can get tiring. And yet, this last book ties it together with a bow so well, I cannot help but applaud Naomi Novik for creating an original, interesting, and captivating version of the world. The finale left me positively breathless.

Elisabeth: portraits of an Empress

Author: Brigitte Hamann

First published: 1998

Rating: ★★★★★

A very nice, quite comprehensive gallery of official portraits, photographs and prints of the famous Empress, that would make a perfect companion to a full-blown biography. Perhaps the one by Brigitte Hamann herself.

The Seed Keeper

Author: Diane Wilson

First published: 2021

Rating: ★★★☆☆

Some parts of this book are extremely touching and well-written. Unfortunately, other parts bored me. I felt like the author needed to make the story tighter, and more focused. Much of what was happening seemed to only skim a surface of a situation, many of which could carry great importance within the story.

Off With Her Head: Three Thousand Years of Demonizing Women in Power

Author: Eleanor Herman

First published: 2022

Rating: ★☆☆☆☆

(Wo)Maaan this was a MESS. I don´t even know where to start.There is really no logic in how the narrative is arranged. The history part is only about 25%, 10% talk about women in other places than US and the overwhelming majority of information is about Hillary Clinton, Kamala Harris and Nanci Pelosi. Essentially, if you have even a tiny interest in US politics, there is nothing new or surprising (though of course, it can still make you angry). The only thing this book says is that there are awful double standards and women in power have always been treated much more harshly and cruelly than men - something we all know, cannot dispute and it could have been a Tumblr post. But frankly, Mary Beard said the same thing with fewer words and greater impact in her Women & Power: A Manifesto.I feel kinda bad about rating this book so low, considering the topic, but this was just too basic and not well put together.

Nightingales: The Extraordinary Upbringing and Curious Life of Miss Florence Nightingale

Author: Gillian Gill

First published: 2004

Rating: ★★★★☆

The amount of research done for this book and the included details that stem from it is simply astonishing. That can be seen as both an advantage and a disadvantage of the book, depending on what you want and how much of it you want. If you read this only to familiarize yourself with the remarkable Florence Nightingale, you will be probably swamped by the wealth of information about her extended family (and even some ancestors) and the almost tedious narration of her life before the Crimean mission. However, if you like family sagas, delving deep into Victorian daily life and attitudes, you will have your fill with this book. The title is indeed truthful to the content. One also must mention that even though dense, the book is very readable and easy to navigate (at least once you get over all those ancestors).

The Rules of Magic

Author: Alice Hoffman

First published: 2017

Rating: ★★★★★

Do you like - magical realism? - strong and believable family ties? - romance? - beautiful writing? Then pick up this book.

Triangle: The Fire That Changed America

Author: David von Drehle

First published: 2003

Rating: ★★★★☆

I had some problems following the opening chapters dealing with the hidden politics of New York in the early 1900s, and the frequent breaks in the narrative to introduce nearly everyone felt sometimes jarring, but all in all, this was a well-researched and sensitive tribute to those who lost their lives during this horrific event. It is also a loud call-out of greed and its favorite child, capitalism. What truly terrifies one is the fact, that things like this still happen and the underlying reasons are always the same.

The House is on Fire

Author: Rachel Beanland

First published: 2023

Rating: ★★★★☆

This is a solid piece of historical fiction that uses the same style that made books like Salt to the Sea and All the Light We Cannot See so very readable: short chapters that keep changing points of view. I liked the fact that the whole book is set during just three days, showing how quickly and unexpectedly lives can completely change. I was also glad to learn about this tragic event - the historian in me is always, always interested in learning.

The Corset

Author: Laura Purcell

First published: 2018

Rating: ★★★★★

Not gonna lie, this was pretty great! Sure, the story of Dorothea is not really as engaging as the story of Ruth, but Dorothea´s chapters provide a welcome breathing space from the suspense and horror of Ruth´s. The longer you read the more difficult the book is to put down. Excellent gothic novel.

Empty Theatre: or, The Lives of King Ludwig II of Bavaria and Empress Sisi of Austria (Queen of Hungary), Cousins, in Their Pursuit of Connection and Beauty...

Author: Jac Jemc

First published: 2023

Rating: ★★☆☆☆

I was stunned by how purposefully artless the writing was. I also believe a "satire" should be more than just being snarky about real historical people. The whole thing felt extremely pointless. Save your time for better books, all ya readers of historical fiction.

The Brontës: The Fantastically Feminist (and Totally True) Story of the Astonishing Authors

Author: Anna Doherty

First published: 2022

Rating: ★★★☆☆

Sweet and simple introduction to the magnificent Bronte sisters for little kids.

Little Fires Everywhere

Author: Ng Celeste

First published: 2017

Rating: ★★★☆☆

This is a very, very good book. It was, unfortunately, simply not for me, who gets easily bored by American middle-class drama. The most interesting parts dealt directly with the adoption case, which turned out to be a subplot rather than the main event.

[transbookoftheday]

99% Chance of Magic by Amy Eleanor Heart, Abbey Darling & Luna Merbruja

Join Heartspark Press on an adventure of the heart in 99% Chance of Magic, the world's first literary collection for transgender children, all written & illustrated by trans women and (C)AMAB non-binary creatives. Our stories explore a variety of wonderous worlds, but one goal connects them all: to cast a protection spell of hope and strength for transgender and non-binary kids everywhere

The twelve spells featured in our anthology are the following:

1. A Shapeshifting Spell - written by Misha Lynn Moon & illustrated by Angel Sera 2. 99% Chance of Magic - written by Alys S. Brooks & illustrated by Jeanelle Tabaranza 3. A Rightful Queen - written by Vivien Al-Miqdam & illustrated by Aria Villafranca 4. The Sisters from the Stars - written by Amy Heart & illustrated by Wriply M. Bennet 5. Valara and the Magic Eater - written by A.K. Blue & illustrated by Caterina Gerbasi 6. Can't Stop the Princess - written & illustrated by Anya L. Archer 7. My Story, Wolf - written by Abbey Darling & illustrated by Sybil Lamb 8. Night Light - written by Duna Haller & illustrated by Clara Mejías 9. From a Seed Grew a Girl - written by Michelle Gannon & illustrated by Anya L. Archer 10. Neshnaj, the Gentle Grey Giant - written by Xemiyulu Tapepechul & illustrated by Ariki Arts 11. Melody Song & The Hymns of the Infinite Sadness - written by Amy Eleanor Heart & illustrated by Wriply M. Bennet 12. The Unicorn of the Sea and Me - written by Jun Almar'a & illustrated by Clara Emiliana

Curated by Amy Eleanor Heart & Abbey Darling Copyedited by Eyota Wak'ishwit & Luna Merbruja Produced by Luna Merbruja

[boysbellyrubs]

8B for Eve and Eleanor or any female sickie plz

-love love love your oc’s!

hello!! thank you so much for the request, its been ages hehe. i hope you like this one :).

the prompt comes from this list HERE - revived past traumatic memories.

tw: description of panic attack, mentions of child abuse

---

She thought she could handle it. A training video for her education course wasn’t supposed to cause such a scene. She wasn’t supposed to be acting like this in public, it was embarrassing. She sat at the back of her class trying not to burst into tears on the spot. The skin of her lower lip was raw, droplets of blood seeping out of the cracks in her skin. 

Eleanor sucked in a big breath, as big as she could, and held it. Her heart beat against her chest, her ears flooded with noise, a terrible all encompassing noise that clogged her thoughts. Her eyes were glued to the video, unable to look away from the sight of it. It wasn’t even anything. A video about how to look for signs of abuse, when Eleanor got a seed right in her belly that only sprouted and took over her entire body. Eleanor’s limbs were locked, her hands clutching the sides of the desk, unable to move or get out of the fucking classroom. 

She couldn’t take notice of anyone around her or what the tutor was saying, she was unable to form words or move her muscles to get away from the situation. All her thoughts were zeroed in on the video, now paused with a child with tears streaming down its face. She wondered if she looked the same. A child, frozen in place, chained to her seat as the panic attack tore through her whole body. 

It felt like years before anyone seemed to notice, no one cared that there was someone crying, wasn’t this supposed to be an education class. She felt like a child, drowning in a pool of tears silently as they choked off her vocal chords. 

She had sat there for too long, too long for no one to notice. Someone had to see her struggling. She didn’t want to deal with this alone. Where was Eve? Why was no one helping her? Was none of this actually happening? Was she imagining all of this? She no longer felt 19. 

A hand came into her view, touching her skin with the very tip of their fingers. So gentle she almost didn’t feel it. Her eyes finally snapped away from the video to the person next to her. Another girl who was staring at her like Eleanor had something terrible written on her forehead. Eleanor forced her eyes to blink. 

“Are you alright?” 

Stupid question. Eleanor shook her head, her neck so stiff it felt like she was made of wood. She felt her chest stutter as her breath came back to her, like a long awaited reunion she latched on to the feeling. The feeling of her lungs expanding and her shoulders moving, she knew how to calm herself down, she had done it so many times. Eleanor kept breathing, physically making her body move in time with it; she kept eye contact with the girl, needing anything else to look at than in front of her. 

The girl seemed okay with it, but Eleanor didn’t trust her judgement at that moment. Her ears were still fuzzy, the question ‘are you alright’ replaying over and over again. Her fingers were stiff, her legs jumping up and down to get rid of the electricity inside her. She breathed again, deep and strong, finally feeling the air push out every crevice of her lungs and fill her diaphragm properly. Eleanor felt her shoulders drop from her ears, and the twinge in her back allowed her to sink into her seat, spent. 

Eleanor was far from better though. The aftermath of the panic attack was settling in, an unsettled stomach and a headache on the way. She shut her eyes, imagining herself at home with Eve. 

“Do you need me to call anyone?” The girl's voice was so soft, Eleanor wondered if that was her real voice. It reminded her of Snow White almost. Peeling open her heavy eyes, the world tilted as she sat back up a little. She fished for her phone in her pocket, finally pulling it out with a struggle. Sluggishly opening her phone and finding Eve’s contact, she passed it over to the girl. Hopefully Eve wouldn’t immediately panic knowing it wasn’t Eleanor on the other side. 

With that sorted, Eleanor kept her head down, eyes staring at her keyboard. She counted the numbers a few times, made the alphabet with the letters and stared at the glowing lights under the buttons. She breathed in, chest stuttering like an old car, and out, imagining herself blowing away the keys and leaving it blank. 

She faintly heard the conversation next to her, but it was too hard to focus. Her head was aching and her belly was churning. She hadn’t had a panic attack in so long she forgot how awful the aftermath was.

The girl next to her slid her phone back onto the desk, “Your girlfriend’s on her way. I’ll help you outside.” God was Eleanor grateful she was sat next to fucking Mother Teresa. She didn’t even need to pack up her computer or her books, she felt gentle hands around her arm and then she was standing and walking out of the class. Eleanor was almost grateful for her condition because she didn’t notice anyone else as they left the room. She focused on the touch of the girl's hands and putting one foot in front of the other. 

Being outside drastically improved her condition. The sun cleared her vision and the wind swept away the fuzziness from her ears. She let out an audible sigh. 

“All good now?” The girl asked. 

Eleanor nodded, “Better.” 

The girl stayed with Eleanor until Eve arrived. Before they both left she introduced herself as Josie. It seemed like a fitting name for a girl so kind. 

The car ride was pretty silent, Eve noticing Eleanor’s need for a quiet trip. When they got home, it was immediate bed rest and Eve doting on her. As soon as her head hit the pillow she fell asleep, her body completely relaxing and allowing itself time to recover. 

When she woke up a few hours later, the curtains had been drawn on one side and the sunset was bleeding through the windows. Eleanor smiled despite herself. She pulled herself up, her headache mostly gone but she still felt her stomach gurgle a little. Eleanor put her hand to it, wanting to find Eve and get her to deal with it. 

It was a little hard to get out of bed and walk to the door, but as soon as she walked down the hall and smelt dinner cooking, walking got easier. Eve was in the kitchen with her hair messily done in a low ponytail. Her hair had gotten longer yet there were bits still falling out in front of her eyes, Eleanor heard her blow a strand away before she said hello. 

She was dressed in an apron, sweatpants and a cropped t-shirt. The apron cinched her waist, and her neck was exposed. She approached and softly kissed the back of her neck, causing the girl to jump. 

Eleanor chuckled, “Did I scare you?” 

“You’re supposed to be in bed, Miss.” Eve turned around. Now that Eleanor was more lucid, she noticed her eyeliner and earrings. She was wearing her favourite sun earrings and her eyeliner was more extravagant than usual. She smiled, 

“You look pretty.” 

Eve’s cheeks flushed red, she ducked her head down and chuckled, “Shut up,” She turned back around and stirred whatever was in the pot, “How much of this do you want? Are you feeling up to eating at all?” 

Eleanor hooked her chin over Eve’s shoulder, shrugging. She would want to eat whatever Eve made but she didn’t know if her stomach could handle a full meal. 

“Well, you can have a small portion and then we’ll see if it settles hmm?” Eve always knew exactly what to say. 

Eve finished up her cooking and plated two very different sized meals. They both sat down to eat and Eleanor could only stomach a few spoonfuls. The meal was good though, for the few bites she had. She felt a little guilty for not being able to eat a lot, but Eve was perfectly okay with it, of course. 

After dinner they sat on the couch, Eve searched for something to put on the TV just to have noise. She sat back next to Eleanor, noticing how quiet she was. 

“Do you want to tell me about what happened?” Her hand snuck onto Eleanor’s belly, rubbing a gentle side to side motion. 

Eleanor debated it. She didn’t really want to, but this was Eve. She could tell her anything. 

She leaned into her girlfriend, sighing to prepare herself. 

“It was just a video about signs of child abuse. The scenes in it were just a bit too real and then I freaked. It felt like it was so long before anyone even noticed, like I was the child in the video,” She laughed, “Silly, right?” 

Eve’s other hand came around to rub her shoulder, “Of course not, you can’t control what triggers you. Sweetheart, don’t feel silly about it. I promise, you’re okay and if anything else happens I’ll be there to help you,” She paused, leant forward and kissed Eleanor’s temple, “Now just rest, and forget about today.” 

She rubbed Eleanor’s stomach more, settling the food inside and putting Eleanor at ease. After the debacle today, this was nice. 

---

[caralara]

maybe that's what you meant too (sorry i'm in bed sick and my brain isn't functioning properly lol) but maybe the elounor break up will be framed as "e didn't want to be the step mum" and daddy of the year couldn't let that fly, oBvIoUsLy, and now that he's single he's gunning for more legal right re: melittlelad freddie but ohh he can't have those because there was never a paternity test. of course he'll take it because he is the father of the year after all. and then bam, not the father, louis and his family are asking for privacy in these challenging days, but he's clearly still straight because in order to believe freddie to be his child with such conviction he must have slept with b right? nothing to see here, please move along, the topic gets blacklist in interviews and louis just moves on and puts6on a brave face in public #sobrave

Oh nonnie sorry to hear you’re sick! Hope you feel better soon! I’m in bed with a hangover lol celebrated a bit too hard yesterday

But yes, this is one of the options I’d say! Sounds like a plausible plan, too. There was also the thought that Eleanor had her suspicions about Freddie and Briana, and put pressure on Louis to do a pat test after all, and he didn’t like that bc of course he’s melittleladfreddie’s daddy of the year! So he’s splitting with her, bc she says “it’s the pat test or I’m gone!” And of course he stays true to His Son. But But but… now she’s seeded the doubt and now when he’s gunning for more custody rights or Briana is asking for more money he’ll also be suspicious and ends up taking the pat test. So many options!!

[rockislandadultreads]

National Library Lovers Month: Fiction

The Midnight Library by Matt Haig 

Somewhere out beyond the edge of the universe there is a library that contains an infinite number of books, each one the story of another reality. One tells the story of your life as it is, along with another book for the other life you could have lived if you had made a different choice at any point in your life. While we all wonder how our lives might have been, what if you had the chance to go to the library and see for yourself? Would any of these other lives truly be better?

In The Midnight Library, Matt Haig's enchanting blockbuster novel, Nora Seed finds herself faced with this decision. Faced with the possibility of changing her life for a new one, following a different career, undoing old breakups, realizing her dreams of becoming a glaciologist; she must search within herself as she travels through the Midnight Library to decide what is truly fulfilling in life, and what makes it worth living in the first place.

The Paris Library by Janet Skeslien Charles

Paris, 1939: Young and ambitious Odile Souchet seems to have the perfect life with her handsome police officer beau and a dream job at the American Library in Paris. When the Nazis march into the city, Odile stands to lose everything she holds dear, including her beloved library. Together with her fellow librarians, Odile joins the Resistance with the best weapons she has: books. But when the war finally ends, instead of freedom, Odile tastes the bitter sting of unspeakable betrayal.

Montana, 1983: Lily is a lonely teenager looking for adventure in small-town Montana. Her interest is piqued by her solitary, elderly neighbor. As Lily uncovers more about her neighbor’s mysterious past, she finds that they share a love of language, the same longings, and the same intense jealousy, never suspecting that a dark secret from the past connects them.

The Shadow of the Wind by Carlos Ruiz Zafón

Barcelona, 1945 - just after the war, a great world city lies in shadow, nursing its wounds, and a boy named Daniel awakes on his eleventh birthday to find that he can no longer remember his mother’s face. To console his only child, Daniel’s widowed father, an antiquarian book dealer, initiates him into the secret of the Cemetery of Forgotten Books, a library tended by Barcelona’s guild of rare-book dealers as a repository for books forgotten by the world, waiting for someone who will care about them again. Daniel’s father coaxes him to choose a volume from the spiraling labyrinth of shelves, one that, it is said, will have a special meaning for him. And Daniel so loves the novel he selects, The Shadow of the Wind by one Julian Carax, that he sets out to find the rest of Carax’s work. To his shock, he discovers that someone has been systematically destroying every copy of every book this author has written. In fact, he may have the last one in existence. Before Daniel knows it his seemingly innocent quest has opened a door into one of Barcelona’s darkest secrets, an epic story of murder, magic, madness and doomed love. And before long he realizes that if he doesn’t find out the truth about Julian Carax, he and those closest to him will suffer horribly.

This is the first volume of the “The Cemetery of Forgotten Books” series. 

The Giver of Stars by Jojo Moyes

Alice Wright marries handsome American Bennett Van Cleve, hoping to escape her stifling life in England.  But small-town Kentucky quickly proves equally claustrophobic, especially living alongside her overbearing father-in-law. So when a call goes out for a team of women to deliver books as part of Eleanor Roosevelt’s new traveling library, Alice signs on enthusiastically. The leader, and soon Alice's greatest ally, is Margery, a smart-talking, self-sufficient woman who's never asked a man's permission for anything. They will be joined by three other singular women who become known as the Packhorse Librarians of Kentucky.

What happens to them - and to the men they love - becomes an unforgettable drama of loyalty, justice, humanity, and passion. These heroic women refuse to be cowed by men or by convention. And though they face all kinds of dangers in a landscape that is at times breathtakingly beautiful, at others brutal, they’re committed to their job: bringing books to people who have never had any, arming them with facts that will change their lives.

[gobboguy]

**Chapter 36: Dance with the Master Vampire**

From the sinister opening emerged a grotesque figure, a skeletal creature barely covered in decaying skin. Its form was a nightmarish amalgamation of bone and sinew, with blue veins pulsating beneath its papery flesh. Its yellow eyes glared with unholy madness, and a sickly hiss escaped its lips as it accused the duo of interrupting its feeding.

"You dare disrupt my feast!" the Master Vampire hissed, its voice a raspy whisper that sent shivers down Alden's spine. "Foolish mortals, you shall pay for your intrusion."

Ionia, her resolve unbroken, declared, "Humans will never suffer monsters like you!" With a swift motion, she swung her Relic Sword of Miranda, ready to vanquish the abomination before her. But the Master Vampire, desperate to protect itself, conjured a blood-red armor that burst from its skin, encasing it in a shield of crimson protection. In its hand materialized a massive club, the haft adorned with eerie skulls, forming a weapon designed to crush all opposition.

"Run!" Ionia shouted, her voice laced with urgency. Alden needed no further encouragement. He sprinted, his heart pounding in his chest, the vampire's malevolent presence hot on his heels.

As they fled, the castle's once-familiar halls transformed into a hypnotic maze, distorting reality and leading them in circles. Desperation clawed at Alden's throat as he tried to keep pace with Ionia, but in the labyrinthine chaos, he found himself separated from his valiant protector.

Panic surged through him as he realized he was alone. Gasping for breath, he came to a skidding halt, his eyes darting frantically in all directions. The ominous rasping of the vampire's papery skin and the haunting hiss grew louder, drawing near. Alden's mind raced, searching for an escape, but the suffocating maze seemed to close in around him.

In the darkness, the Master Vampire's eyes glowed like twin orbs of malevolence. Alden, his body trembling, summoned his remaining strength and sprinted once more. He knew he had to reunite with Ionia, their only chance against the monstrous foe. The castle's ancient stones seemed to conspire against him, but he pushed forward, his determination unwavering even in the face of the encroaching abyss. The vampire's sinister laughter echoed through the corridors, a chilling reminder of the imminent danger that lurked in the shadows.

Cornered and desperate, Alden faced the Master Vampire, his staff trembling in his grip. The vampire's sinister smile revealed its hunger, its fangs gleaming in the dim light. It moved forward, ready to feast on Alden's blood, when suddenly it recoiled, hissing in pain. Sunflowers erupted from the floor, their golden heads reaching for the ceiling, a testament to Alden's mastery over nature.

"Come closer," Alden taunted, his voice laced with defiance. "You crave my blood, don't you? Step forward and see what happens!"

The vampire chided him, its voice dripping with disdain. "Foolish human. Your bravery means nothing. You're better off as sustenance than a warrior."

Ignoring the taunt, Alden's voice quivered as he asked the question that haunted him. "Have you harmed Eleanor?"

The vampire sneered, its eyes devoid of humanity. "I don't bother learning the names of my meals. They're all the same to me."

Rage consumed Alden. He screamed, a howl of bloody revenge, and unleashed a spray of sunflower seeds at the vampire. But the creature was faster, its inhuman speed allowing it to dodge the seeds effortlessly. With a swift motion, it summoned a dagger made of blood, launching it toward Alden.

The dagger found its mark, piercing Alden's heart. He gasped, pain searing through him as he fell to the ground, life slipping away. The sunflowers, once vibrant symbols of hope, now surrounded him in his final moments.

The Master Vampire, indifferent to the life it had just extinguished, remarked, "Just another wasted meal. I always did enjoy the blood of women more."

As it turned away, a cruel smile on its lips, it caught a whiff of another scent in the air. Ionia's scent. The vampire's hunger stirred anew, and it slinked into the shadows, following the trail of its next potential victim.

[ms-sakurai]

Happy Birthday to @seedlingsinner !!! Rhi, you are an amazing person and I hope you have the best birthday 💖 I wish you all the luck in life. I know you plan to post angsty writing so I have some soft Eleanor and John to counter.

[twopoppies]

Harry is in a really tough position. The best thing for him would be to make Olivia the last beard and for him to remain publicly single if he doesn't plan on coming out yet or just refuse to talk about his personal life, like Niall has for years. But I'm not confident in that happening because HSHQ are greedy and use his PR relationships to capitalize off his albums. If MP softens the GP's view of him and they consider the fact that he might be queer, like your anon says, that will fade away when he gets his next beard. All the backlash will start up again and the GP and lgbtq+ community will be like 'I told you so'. Another beard, after all this, is going to completely alienate him from his community. Also, what is going to happen to Louis? Is he going to get another beard after Eleanor? After Olivia and Eleanor it seems like the perfect time to start seeding their relationship. I guess we can only hope for the best and expect the worst.

It would be very nice if they could both just be publicly single. Just… stop talking to either of them about their private lives. Seeding their relationship doesn’t seem like something either of them will want for for a long time. If they do want it, cool. But it seems like just having some privacy is very much wanted and deserved.

[runnning-outof-time]

I was trying to think of the best way to do this because I don’t have Spotify (please don’t roast me), so I couldn’t just post a playlist.

So down below I’ve listed the songs that I have on my ‘Peaky playlist’ aka songs that remind me of Tommy/Peaky Blinders and help me get into writing.

Disclaimer: I started this playlist when I started writing To Be Alone, so a lot of the songs will probably be reminiscent of that story, but I’ve found it helpful/fitting as I continued to keep writing for Peaky. Also the songs are in no particular order...I just copied my playlist from how I added them

State Lines - Novo Amor

I Am A Poor Wayfaring Stranger - Jos Slovick

How to Win - The Native Sibling

To Be Alone - Hozier

March of Flames - Erick Serna and The Killing Floor

All My Tears - Ane Brun

Dipped In Bleach - Liam St. John

Grandfather Collar - Liam St. John (HUGE Tommy vibes)

Climbing up the Walls - Radiohead

Work Song - Hozier

False God - Ryan Hurd

Anything You Want - Bishop Gunn

Devil Is a Woman - Bishop Gunn

Silver Street - Bishop Gunn

Makin’ It - Bishop Gunn

Is This Desire? - PJ Harvey

Red Right Hand - Nick Cave & The Bad Seeds (duh)

Woman at the Well - Israel Nash

Just Like Water - Israel Nash

Rain Plans - Israel Nash

Harder to Breathe - Maroon 5

Shiver - Maroon 5

Secret - Maroon 5

Ticking Bomb - Aloe Blacc

Shackles & Chains - Benjamin Josif & Rupert Pope

River Run - Benjamin Josif & Rupert Pope

Colors - Black Pumas

Come to Your Senses - Alexandria Shipp & Vanessa Hudgens

To Build a Home - The Cinematic Orchestra

Put Me in the Ground - Daniel Nunnelee

Rear View - Rafael Casal

No Feels - Rafael Casal & Daveed Diggs

Shivers - Ed Sheeran

Afterglow - Ed Sheeran

Make It Rain - Ed Sheeran

I’m a Mess - Ed Sheeran

Bloodstream - Ed Sheeran

I See Fire - Ed Sheeran

Kiss Me - Ed Sheeran

This - Ed Sheeran

Give Me Love - Ed Sheeran

Stardust Chords - Greta Van Fleet

Broken Bells - Greta Van Fleet

Woman - Harry Styles

No Plan - Hozier

Take Me to Church - Hozier

My Fair Lady - KALEO

Free the Slave - KALEO

Brother Run Fast - KALEO

Backbone - KALEO

Into My Mother’s Arms - KALEO

Way Down We Go - KALEO

Broken Bones - KALEO

Save Yourself - KALEO

I Can’t Go On Without You - KALEO

All the Pretty Girls - KALEO

Heaven Loves a Fire - LAOUD

FOR YOUR LOVE - Måneskin

VENT’ANNI - Måneskin

Bridges Burn - NEEDTOBREATHE

Brother - Kodaline

High Hopes - Kodaline

The Beach - The Neighbourhood

Prey - The Neighbourhood

Single - The Neighbourhood

Afraid - The Neighbourhood

Quicksand - Rafael Casal

Between Heaven & Hell - Rob Saffi

Copy Comic - Robert Francis

Please - Sawyer Fredericks

Crossfire - Stephen

Remembering Myself - Stephen

The War - SYML

Lady May - Tyler Childers

All Your’n - Tyler Childers

Nose on the Grindstone - Tyler Childers

Mountain Hymn - Rhiannon Giddens

Unshaken - D’Angelo

Crash of Worlds - Rocco DeLuca

Something in the Water - Daveed Diggs

The Devil Inside - Daniel Murphy, Anthony Sanudo & Eric Serna

I Know You - Skylar Grey

I Need You - M83

Young and Beautiful - Lana Del Ray

Wicked Games - The Weeknd

Unsteady - X Ambassadors

Intro - The xx

casual sabotage - YUNGBLUD

love song - YUNGBLUD

11 Minutes - YUNGBLUD

Lonely Heart - 5 Seconds of Summer

Lover of Mine - 5 Seconds of Summer

Easier (Live From The Vault) - 5 Seconds of Summer

Lie to Me (Acoustic) - 5 Seconds of Summer

Teeth (Live From The Vault) - 5 Seconds of Summer

No Shame (Live From The Vault) - 5 Seconds of Summer

All Along the Watchtower - Billy Valentine & The Forest Rangers

House of the Rising Sun - The White Buffalo

Your Hand In Mine - Explosions In the Sky

Toxic - Liam St. John

Ozark - Liam St. John

Eleanor Thornton - Liam St. John

Sleeping on the Blacktop - Colter Wall

Outlaw - Morgan Wallen

Cover Me Up - Morgan Wallen

Alabama - Bishop Gunn

Pyramid Song - Radiohead

Love Is Blindness - Jack White

Come On Over - Royal Blood

Do I Wanna Know? - Arctic Monkeys

To Bring You My Love - PJ Harvey

Therefore I Am - Billie Eilish

when the party’s over - Billie Eilish

bury a friend - Billie Eilish

bellyache - Billie Eilish

Catherine - PJ Harvey

Breathless - Nick Cave & The Bad Seeds

Bring It On - Nick Cave & The Bad Seeds

Abattoir Blues - Nick Cave & The Bad Seeds

Sex, Drugs, Etc. - Beach Weather

Rexanimarum - Israel Nash

Catch the Sun - Doves

Seven Day Mile - The Frames

You and Whose Army - Radiohead

1979 - The Smashing Pumpkins

Arabella - Arctic Monkeys

The Meetings of the Waters - Fionn Regan

I Might Be Wrong - Radiohead

Stone - Whiskey Myers

Frogman - Whiskey Myers

COMPLETE MESS - 5 Seconds of Summer

Can’t You See - The Marshall Tucker Band

War Pigs - Black Sabbath

Ballad of a Thin Man - Richard Hawley

Turning Page - Sleeping At Last

A Hard Rain’s a-Gonna Fall - Laura Marling

Forefathers - Liam St. John

Bury My Bones - Whiskey Myers

Reckoning - Whiskey Myers

Song of a Dead Man - Taylor John Williams

Blue Veins - The Raconteurs

Into It - Chase Atlantic

When Under Ether - PJ Harvey

Go It Alone - Beck

What He Wrote - Laura Marling

Held On Too Long - Hueston

Unmade - Thom Yorke

Pana-Vision - The Smile

Nothing Personal - Des Rocs

Skinny - KALEO

I Want More (Live at Skalholt) - KALEO

I’m Here - Celeste

Top Yourself - The Raconteurs

Naked - FINNEAS

Ain’t Nobody - Bones Owens

Burning House - Cam

Bad Man - Dustin Douglas & the Electric Gentlemen

Heavy - The Glorious Sons

Too Bad - Rival Sons

Sacred Tongue - Rival Sons

I Will Destroy the Void in You - The Glorious Sons

Where I’ve Been - Rival Sons

There’s already a lot, but I’m sure I’ll be adding more. Let me know what you think of the selections I made, or if you have any other suggestions — I always enjoy talking music!

You’re amazing if you made it down to the bottom here. ☺️💕

@look-at-the-soul & @holacia2 thanks for asking me to share — I hope you find some good songs amongst this list!