#elden ring is in no small part a story of the world going to shit

[solemnpancake]

Having finally finished Elden Ring tonight, I have to imagine the spirits of all the demigods I took down were watching me fighting Radagon like:

[the-gnomish-bastard]

Tips for running a dnd one shot/campaign

Story:

Don’t make it too straightforward. Not something like “journey to the evil castle and defeat the evil man.” Players love engagement, have some mysteries.

The unknown is far more terrifying than what is known. Leave some things unexplained. Leave some mysteries as mysteries. For example: a bad guy is caught, the party wants to interrogate them, they do, but right before they get the critical information, a tentacle comes out of nowhere and breaks their neck. Never explain what just happened.

Always have two plot lines. One where the players do the original and intended quest, or something else. Bonus points if they turn against the quest giver after learning the truth.

The PCs have backstories, use them. You can make some compelling stories by engaging your players with their past. Remember: Though you can’t change the past, you can learn from it and fix the future.

NPCs:

NPCs are a tricky bit. There are several ways to do this.

To make a comic relief character, give them a weird trait. This can be physical, or personality related. Like “Timmy Two Toes” whose feet are each just one large toe. Or “Frank Blundersquat” who has an unhealthy obsession with cheese wheels, trying to obtain the mythical “Cheese Omniwheel” which is just a sphere.

To make a bad ass NPC, you need to compromise. Gone are the days of a man with a sword and a stoic personality slaying the ancient evils. Add a weird trait. Like they only fight with a fish. Or they just want a Viking death.

To make an NPC actually bad ass, take inspiration from Godfrey, the First Elden Lord. His core traits are Strength and Power are what make a warrior. When you fight him in Elden Ring, he compliments you and commends you every time he speaks. He respects not just physical strength, but magical as well. Also, make the NPC live up to stories about them.

To make a likable NPC, make a small goblin/kobold/tabaxi/imp/etc child with snotty nose and give them a name like “Binkle” or something.

To make an NPC absolutely hated, have them call a character a slur in their native tongue.

To make a DMPC, don’t.

The BBEG:

To make a sympathetic BBEG, have part of the backstory be that they watched their dog die.

To make a hated BBEG, have them kill a player’s character.

To make them really hated, they kill Binkle.

To make a charismatic BBEG, uh… idk… give them a penis?

To make a betrayal of a BBEG, make it so that Binkle was the BBEG all along.

Boss Fight:

Group initiative for the goons. You should also have no more than 7 goons at one time.

Gimmick gimmick gimmick. Always make it a gimmick fight. Examples include: “if players kill the goons, the boss heals. If players kill guy A, then guy B gets stronger. Only physical damage can hurt the boss.”

Give the boss a healing thing. Your players are going to demolish them, doesn’t matter what you planned. The players can heal, so can the boss. A cleric with revivify does wonders.

Give the boss a weakness. Whether it’s a damage type or a specific spot, give it a weakness.

World Building:

You don’t gotta make it lord of the rings, set the groundwork and then make shit up as you go.

Dealing with the DM’s Bane:

That’s right, the one thing that all DMs fear: the players. You make a master crafted story, and they say fuck you and try and build a factory.

If the players decide to fully reject the call of adventure, that’s fine, but give them consequences. War in the south means the price of goods has skyrocketed, a loved one has been killed by raiders, the tavern the party built isn’t doing well because they are located near the frontlines, a hometown is destroyed, etc. Be evil with it.

Rule of cool. Do it, or don’t play.

[iasmelaion]

an assortment of my random thoughts about tears of the kingdom

No real story spoilers, because, real talk, I do not play these games for the story or the ~lore~. I am here to yeet my beautiful small son Link across the stunning landscapes of Hyrule, completing shrines, side quests, and murdering monsters at my whim. I will, perhaps, eventually get around to doing more of the main quests. First though, I must upgrade all my armor and get more hearts. So miss me with your 19481203 posts about the Zelda timeline, idgaf.

This game is so good in ways that are almost invisible until you realize how much work must have gone into making the experience so good and seamless. There’s so, so much freedom in the game--in terms of what order you can do things in, how you can solve puzzles, what play style you use at all, the things you can build with ultrahand, and of course the basic freedom of the map(s) themselves and how you can traverse them--and it’s not until you think about it that you realize how difficult it must be to design a game with this much freedom without breaking things left and right. An enormous part of the pleasure of this game, and to a lesser extent Breath of the Wild, is knowing you can just go off and do whatever, and the game will be like “cool, that’s valid!” or “hmm, interesting, I’ll allow it.” Sure, there are certain intended sequences or progressions, and there are ways to play the story parts in more narratively cohesive ways, but as the proliferation of challenge runs attests, you can also just do whatever whenever. It’s great, and I already know I’ve ruined myself for other games in this open world genre by playing BOTW and TOTK.

I like the new abilities in TOTK much more than the abilities in BOTW. (Though pour one out for remote bombs, that shit was useful.) The new abilities in TOTK all work together to help you solve problems in the game in multiple ways, allowing for both a lot more creativity and a lot more clever ways to be lazy. (recall elevator, my beloved) It’s super impressive, and it makes the game a lot more engaging than if there were only one or two intended solutions to any given problem.

Any more fiddly efforts with Ultrahand honestly make me motion sick (something about the way the camera moves plus the rotation, magnesis in BOTW caused me similar issues), so I’m probably never going to be building elaborate contraptions. Luckily for me, functional but hideous atrocities of Hyrule engineering are perfectly cromulent ways to get through the game.

I’ve done two temples so far (Wind and Fire), and looked up walkthroughs for both of them. Not because the puzzles are hard, but because lol my ability to get around in one of these things is tragically limited. I have an awful sense of direction and/or ability to navigate these temples, it was the same for me in BOTW. And like, in BOTW, do NOT ask me how long it took me to get my ass to Kakariko Village, it will only embarrass us both. So yeah, I look up walkthroughs just to spare myself the frustration of spending hours lost in the damn temple.

I also haven’t updated from 1.1.1 because I love me that duplication glitch. Like, listen. I would like to do SOME things other than play Zelda, and that means skipping some grinding for materials. It’s making the game much more fun for me, without breaking it entirely.

Little musical details I love: Link humming while he cooks! ADORABLE. Hestu’s little music and dance number every time he upgrades your inventory slot! Makes me smile every time, and made me lol in delight the first time! That music when you get yeeted out of a tower! Amazing and thrilling! Just in general, this is a very sonically pleasing game.

Also visually pleasing! I frankly don’t like photorealism in video games. Elden Ring looks hideous and unpleasant to me, Horizon Zero Dawn and Red Dead Redemption and the like edge awfully close to the Uncanny Valley, etc. I want more stylized, cartoonish art styles, and BOTW/TOTK is basically the ideal for me: painterly, gorgeous, and Ghibli-esque in the landscape, and pleasantly cartoony in the characters.

The act of exploring is still so rewarding in this game, even with a reused map.

LINK’S OUTFITS. I love dressing him up, and I super love the gender nonconforming vibes of it all. Unfortunately, I do go for best stats, armor-wise, and end up in the Twilight set most often now because I upgraded that to the max, but in my heart, Link is wearing that Frost armor set with the cute minidress with the back cutout all the time.

I built Link a house! It’s an architectural atrocity but oh well!

Was a bit of a steep learning curve, combat-wise, because I went in full of BOTW-arrogance, because I had, like, so many hearts and such good armor by the end of my playthrough there, and then you start off TOTK with none of that and suddenly red bokoblins are one-shotting you. Humbling. Should have remembered how thoroughly I failed the Master Sword trials. Definitely did remember that every time I died in the Proving Grounds shines.

Regained some combat arrogance though upon finding a way to cheese Lynels. I’m not sorry, even if this is definitely a glitch and not just the consequence of creative problem solving. Listen, I am simply never going to learn to flurry rush properly, so this is just going to have to do.

Anyway, this game is very good. Like, so good. I am going to spend all summer playing it and I’m going to have a blast.

[dumbfinntales]

Yesterday I finished God of War: Ragnarök and I have some thoughts. I still have some side content to do, and honestly that’s pretty much the best part of this game. There will be spoilers so don’t read below if you haven’t finished the game. Also this might be a long one.

GOW Ragnarök is a frustrating game. I loved GOW 2018 and it was nearly a 10/10 title, but had some hiccups. I wanted Ragnarök to be the better version, the better game. What makes it frustrating is that it’s both better AND worse. I have never seen a game take so many steps forwards and backwards at the same time. But to start out positive I’ll say what I loved and what they improved upon.

Most obviously: the enemy variety and bosses. 2018 title had a severe lack of enemies and unique bosses, but Ragnarök delivers in spades. There are so many unique encounters and cool mythological beasts to fight. I do wish they didn’t use the Nightmare enemies so much in encounters, but eh, still. The bosses are really fun to fight and are spectacles to behold. I’m also happy to say that the final boss was actually really good this time around! You do battle a certain thunder god at the end, but you end the game with an encounter with the Allfather.

More weapons! Although we only got one new weapon it was still awesome. The Dreipnir spear was so much fun to use and now that Kratos has 3 unique weapons in his arsenal it made the combat feel so good and smooth. There were few new additions to the combat, but it felt as great as ever! I liked the new elemental system, it added a nice spice to the combat.

The exploration and side content are amazing once again and offer small story lines and wonderful character interactions. There’s just something absolutely comfy about going on an adventure to loot some ruins and solve some puzzles while the characters talk among themselves and tell tales. This might sound cheesy, but at times it almost feels like I’m there in the boat listening to their stories.

And of course the characters themselves! Most of them are so wonderfully written and I especially loved Sindri and Brok. I mean they were already great back in 2018, but they’re only better here. All the characters feel like people and some of their interactions are very humorous. Although I have to admit that at times their little “quips” become tedious to listen to. And some jokes are just plain awful, like Sindri trying to come up with a nickname for Atreus and audibly goes “Ugh that was such a bad nickname, sorry Lok’! Oh that one was bad too”.

It all seems fine and dandy, right? Well here comes the frustrating bit. For every good thing and improvement the game does there is something else to drag it down. Let me tell you this, God of War Ragnarök is not a 10/10. Not even a 9/10. There’s just too much shit that drags it down to deserve that, and I hope to GOD that it doesn’t win Game of the Year. I want Elden Ring to take that title because I want the gaming industry to see what kind of games we ought to get. It’s not the end of the world if GOW wins, but by god I’ll dread the future of triple A games.

My biggest gripe of all, this game is designed for idiots. I’m not being patronizing or joking, but the handholding is out of this world. Characters yell out the most obvious shit and constantly ruin puzzle by yelling out the answer for you. In the boss fight with Nidhogg Freya yells directions at you NON-STOP. “Do this” and “do that”, “avoid this attack”, “don’t stand there”, “shield up!” by Christ almighty shut the fuck up. Imagine having someone in real life backseat your every move and you can’t shut them up. That’s this game.

Many bosses are also trivialized since they drop so much HP (could be due to my difficulty as well, but dunno) and if you die you’ll start with full HP while the boss might be at half. There’s no punishment for dying. This game feels like its designed for a very specific kind of person who doesn’t play that many games and just wants to be along for the “ride”.

Another major gripe I have is just how slow this game is. There are more slow walking sections and they’re even longer. There are moments like climbing the Asgard wall or walking around with Odin that could just have been a cut-scene. The Atreus sections just suck. They’re far too long (fuck the forest level with Angrboda) and the combat as Atreus is so limited compared to Kratos. The first time you play as Atreus was perfect! It wasn’t too long and was a nice change of pace. Stretching that to 2 hours of gameplay is insane. Also is it just me, but is there a lot more of those climbing sections in this game? It feels no matter where I go I either have to crawl, climb on a wall or slowly creep through a narrow space which all halt the games pace to a crawl.

This is a personal gripe, but most of the Norse gods feel like wet noodles. The Greek gods had a presence, that of might and glory. Here they’re just some dudes. Odin wasn’t exactly what I expected and what the hell is Freyr even? Sure he’s amusing with his nonchalant party goer attitude, but he’s supposed be a god? Freya herself is also supposed to be a god, but honestly feels like just some lady that knows magic. I only really liked Thor and Heimdall. Thor had the power and presence of a god while also slightly humanized, and Heimdall had the arrogant bluster of a Greek god.

I also feel like the ending felt odd. The whole “ragnarök” thing came and went and didn’t feel as climactic as I expect from a literal apocalypse. I also don’t get Sindri at all. I understand being broken by your brothers death, but he now holds a grudge on Kratos and Atreus due to something no one saw coming. Sindri blames them for his brothers death, even though it was indirect. I don’t know, but it left a sour taste in my mouth. The ending is very open so maybe we’ll see some future GOW titles.

But yeah, this ended up being very long. But I had a lot to say. My final verdict is, it’s a fun game. But it has so much holding it back. Far more than the 2018 title. If you asked me which one I’d rather replay I’d say the previous game. It has its flaws, but they’re not as numerous as here. I was so hoping that Ragnarok was the better title, but alas. This game gets a MAYBE YOU SHOULD HIT THE GLOWING THING UP THERE TO SOLVE THE PUZZLE out of ten.

[eldritchtouched]

I’m annoyed with how weird some of the cut content is with Elden Ring, because it feels like they cut a lot of substantial questline stuff last second.

What annoys me about this is because of “conservation of detail,” like Chekhov’s gun. A story or a game is not like real life, it is a crafted thing, and thus you should strive to include things that are part of the narrative, instead of having random stuff that’s heavily elaborated on/detailed without it having any relevance whatsoever. It’s because of how having random shit just there for no reason (i.e. not tone, characterization, plot, etc.) fucks with the pacing of a story and how it can lead audiences astray when it wasn’t intended. It’s the reason why, in games, they scale down the world- nobody wants to spend hours traveling areas that have nothing to do with anything and have nothing going on.

Kale’s the first merchant you meet and tied to all the others and helps you with an early quest (first talking with Blaidd, which leads to the stuff with the Evergaol) and Kale acts as a small hint that you should do crafting, but then he basically does nothing despite why the nomads are where they are and the implications of one of the endings. He was originally going to have a quest that dealt with the genocide of his people. But it’s on the cutting room floor.

Varre is your first friendly NPC and his early stuff implies that he’s going to be important like Gideon and Melina and Ranni are, acting as a sort of guide for the player and discussing the issue of Grace, the Tarnished following the Two Fingers, etc... only for his quest to stop once he gives you the Mohgwyn seal and the only thing left to do with him is invade and kill him.

Malenia is notable for how much she is a focus in the art and such... but she doesn’t have her own quest in the final game. Her daughter, Millicent, gets a quest (and it requires going to the Haligtree, admittedly). Nearly everything was cut for Malenia in the game. Like, no wonder a group of people stan Radahn! Radahn actually got a quest, despite him basically being braindead and his death has a tangible impact on the world state. Malenia as she stands now is only there as a hard fight and a way to get Miquella’s needle for reversing the Frenzied Flame ending if you get cold feet (if you can beat her, you do not need her rune). Your character doesn’t know her in the final game. You just show up and beat the shit out of a woman who was, until you disturb her, sleeping. While this works for any “your character is a murderhobo” characterization, it doesn’t work for any other kind of character. Before it was cut, it seems your character and she originally knew each other if you got to that point.

Miquella was actually going to have an ending, too, and he was also going to be an in-narrative explanation for the spirit ashes being taken from peoples’ dreams (as Saint Trina). And, to be honest, I would rather have that ending than any of the others, because my philosophy is closest to his (that all kinds of life is worthy of existing, “whether graceful, or malign” in Miquella’s cut dialogue) and some of Ranni’s stuff feels too much like abandoning responsibility for fixing all the broken shit to me. But this leads to really confusing stuff where there’s so many in-game resources dedicated to the Haligtree and Malenia and Miquella, and yet... nearly nothing comes of it. It’s just... there. I’m hoping DLC happens where they add an ending with them, but this is still weird. It feels keenly like there’s something missing because of how much effort was dedicated to making the Haligtree and its surrounding area, yet so little comes of it.

[homesweetgoodneighbor]

Incoming rant:

I have seen this fucking trend of gamerbros bitching about game length. I mean, we all know they're talking about their dicks, but hey, we'll take it at face value. They're now bitching that some games are too short.

Hilariously, not 10 years ago people were bitching games were too long. Funny.

Look, if a game costs $20 - $25 dollars, and I get at least a movie's worth of hours out of it, then I feel like I got my money's worth.

Small studios produce some amazing fucking games, and sometimes the stories don't need 80 hours to tell. There are any number of ways to find out how long a game is. FUCKING LOOK IT UP BEFORE YOU BUY, YA DICKS.

Gods, gamerbros always look for something to bitch about, and I have yet to figure out how they still think they have power. What kills me even more is these are the same fuckers who like to pull the victim card like "I was bullied in school, so now I will act like a serial killer and dox you which gives me the power now!" This is not fucking Grayskull, and you aren't He-Man, and frankly, he would be disappointed in your incel ass anyway.

ANYWAY

We live in the age of fucking information and there is zero reason to bitch when you can look it up!

Gasp! Shock!

And, guess what? Sometimes, you can get a game like Hades that's only $25 and get a shitload of hours out of it because for every death you get another part of the story. And, there is more than one story to tell on top of that!

Look, I played three games this week. Two took me about 3 hours each. One took me about 7. And, each were $20. And, you know what? They were gorgeous, fun, and at least one made me cry because it was so fucking touching. (The Spirit and the Mouse, y'all. Y'ALL!)

I saw one of my favorite youtubers talking about this dickhole who was giving a game shit for being too short. It's $20. My dude, if you enjoyed it and would play it again just for the joy of playing it. If you got the cost of a movie ticket with snacks worth, YOU GOT YOUR MONEY'S WORTH.

Look, I love me some long ass games. I loooooove my RPGs, my story rich adventures, my sandboxes. I'll paid $60 no problem for Falloout 4, Witcher 3, Skyrim, Elden Ring, etc.! (Fuck that $70 bullshit. I refuse to pay $70 for AAA games because they are only trying to charge that because they can. They literally are not paying the people who make those games more. They are only paying CEOs more. I'll steal a fucking game before I pay $70 to a fucking AAA studio.) But, sometimes, sometimes, those little bite-sized games are just what you need at that moment.

I've played some small studio $20 games that take HOURS to complete. (Fucking hell, Stardew Valley, Dinkum, and Vampire Survivors are all made by ONE PERSON EACH, have ridiculous amounts of hours, and are stupid cheap for the gameplay.) I've also played some of the same price I finished in like 4 hours. Now, I've played games that are like an hour, and those...I wouldn't pay $20 for. That seems a little much to ask, but frankly, the ones that I can finish in that short a time are usually free or like $5. Fuck, I spend more than that at a fast food joint just because I don't wanna cook.

If you're buying from a small studio, don't bitch about the cost. I can't count the times I've read "why is it small studios can make twice the quality for half the cost?" That's because they aren't paying fucking CEOs and shareholders. Those small studios and solo devs are literally charging what it takes for them to pay to live while they make the games and recoup overhead like the equipment to make said games you love upon. Because, guess what, dear assholes who bitch, PEOPLE'S TIME ARE AN ACTUAL COMMODITY. Artists deserve to be paid for their time. Games are art.

Not to say I'm against being concerned about the amount of hours you get out of a game. Shit, sometimes, you have a little extra money, and want a nice game for a distraction from all the horrible shit going on in the world, and sometimes you want more than a couple of hours. You can go to howlongtobeat.com. That gives you a pretty good idea. But, it's not the end all be all, because, like, I'm slow when I play because I like to take my time or I might play while I'm doing other things because ADHD. It's all depending on your personal gameplay style. So, be sure to check what actual players are saying. (One dick on the game forum was like "Lost in Play is only like 1.5 hours and they charged $20?!" Um...yo, asshole, for a normal player it's more like 5 hours. So, fuck you.)

So, yeah, $20 is not too much to pay for a game that is complete, fun, scratches your particular gaming itch, and possibly has more emotion and style than any AAA company could produce.

And, hey, if you have a PC, Steam has massive sales, the biggest being Summer and Winter. Those $20 games that can give you hours of joy can be as cheap as $5. So, honestly, stop bitching.

Fucking gamerbros. I hates them, my precious.