#either way its hilarious

[lena-thinks-too-much]

So I'm currently taking an intro to Criminal Justice class

Apparently the guy who invented the polygraph also invented Wonder woman?

You know. The woman with a lasso that forces you to tell the truth?

[theperksofbeingstupid]

this has just turned into them fucking with cellbit for no reason

[accidental-spice]

I've never read a more relatable sentence than "Mary wished to say something very sensible but knew not how."

[skylilywolf]

Secret life spoilers ahead - Bigb's episode in particular :]

Okay I'm losing my mind a little over Bigb's episode. Like. Oh my god. I didn't watch anyone else's so far, but I don't mind spoilers so I've been seeing posts and people mentioned his hole. As a big hole enjoyer myself, I was like I want to see someone dig a big hole! But oh my god.

He acts as though no one actually told him the rules. Like they just told him it was called secret life and gave a vague mechanics description and then they started. He really went "Secret life? I will simply keep everything a secret. What better way to keep a secret than just straight-up lying. Gaslighting even. No one will ever figure out the truth if I just never say the same thing twice."

I had to pause the video multiple times because it is late at night and I am trying so hard not to laugh loudly, choking a little, and still laughing loud enough that I had to pause to get a hold of myself so I could hear him again. I laughed so hard I cried, I did not expect this. He just kept going!!!!!

The absolute commitment to the bit,,,,, I hope he keeps going like this. I hope he never tells the truth. I hope this entire series for him is just a string of lies.

The hole is to kill you. The hole is to kill me. The hole teleported me here. What are you talking about Grian, there is no hole here. Yeah, I dug a tunnel. No, you can't see it. Jimmy dug the hole. Yeah, you can see it.

Like literally I just. This is so funny to me.

I think its funnier that it doesn't go to bedrock tbh. Like idk but I think his lying is just so much funnier this way. It wouldn't hit as hard if it went to bedrock.

[bloominglegumes]

i love normal guys doomed by the narrative

[disgracefulthings]

Now I want fan art of SQH getting his tongue stuck on MBJ when giving him a bj

hc mbj tastes like ice

[drgnflyteabox]

a little continuation of this. john price x cashier fem!reader. verbal abuse, anxiety, yelling, hurt/comfort, price comes to your retail rescue<3<3 1.4k words

The only good part of a 5am wakeup is watching the sunrise slowly climb the sky.

There’s a quiet sort of tiredness that lets you appreciate it more — and though the lot associates have made a joke about the morning crew and their sunrise photos, there’s an element of truth there that’s both funny and a little beautiful.

It’s a drag to wait outside the doors for a manager to open them, trying not to make eye contact with the early-bird oldies and the impatient contractors who think they should just be allowed in before everyone else based on the amount of money they spend.

When the doors open and the 6am hardware warriors stroll in, ready and chipper, you’re half asleep leaning against your counter.

Another good thing about the early shift is the lack of uptight managers. None of them want to wake up before ten, so you’re safe to lean and lounge while waiting for customers.

A call comes through your earpiece after a few customers, nearing the cusp of 8am.

”Hey, we’ve got the guy coming your way,” your head cash – Lisa – says, voice crackling in the mic. The guy is a rude jerkoff, some contractor who thinks abusing staff is the way to get good service and better prices.

What’s worse is that your managers allow it. In fact, you get warnings like this all the time. The guy is here, the guy has a big order, make sure to cash him out fast or he’ll start shouting. Be pleasant. Smile.

The guy is walking down the store lumber aisle with a pinched expression on his face and two other employees dragging his stacked carts behind him.

You try to ignore his caustic vibes, thinking instead of the pink, purplish sunrise you’d seen earlier. Clouds like magic, cotton candy, floating above you 

You ignore the incessant tapping of his feet, the annoyed groan he makes when you lift a package of insulation up and find flat saw blades.

Sure, you can’t accuse him of stealing. But you can make a cheery, passive aggressive comment–

“Oops, I guess you forgot these!” you chirp, scanning them a little slower than necessary. It’s not mature, but it does make you feel a little better. Nice try, bozo.

Playing the idiot cashier helps with these types. Why are you mad, sir? I’m just a cashier? And though you could answer more questions than you do, you don’t. Playing the ditz makes life easy.

Lisa’s definitely judged you for it, but hey. She’s not stuck at the register like you are.

Sometimes, it works. You get a scowl, but they’ll go quiet. Sometimes.

Today, it backfires.

“Excuse me?” 

Oh here we go, you think. It’s way too early for this.

“What was that, sir?” you play dumb, voice squeaking.

“Are you accusing me of stealing?” his volume raises. You see redness crawling up his neck. Fuck.

“No, no, I only meant–” you try to backtrack. Fuck, fuck. This is the result of your hubris. Your reasoning flies out through the massive lumber area doors as his rage climbs.

“No? No? Because I think you just accused me of stealing. Do you understand how much I spend here, you moron?”

“I do, I didn’t mean to imply–”

“Get me a fucking manager, now,” he snaps. God, you have no clue if he acts like this to get his way, to get discounts, or if he’s really this angry half the time he comes in.

Regardless, the effect is real. You’ve never been good with anger, and you’re shaking a little as you press the call button on your pager.

“C-Can I please have a manager down to lumber cash?” you broadcast to the store.

All you can think of is looking away from his angry gaze while you wait. Oh, a bubble bath – you have an aloe and green tea bubble bath packet at home waiting for you.

Hot water. Bubble bath. Manager to fix this mess. Maybe a hot chocolate after work?

A couple minutes pass. Longest minutes of your life.

No answer. The guy taps his foot, sighing loudly, angrily. You try again.

“Can I please have a manager down to lumber cash?”

Oh fuck, is that someone else in line? You turn away bodily, speaking again into your mic. Trying to look like you’re doing something about the wait.

Another couple minutes. Despair washes over you like a cold blanket of snow.

“Need a manager at lumber cash,” you try.

Typical, really. Lisa is likely on break, and you have no idea who’s managing the store at the moment.

You imagine it’s likely Cody, who’s good with contractors like this because he's personable but he’s also lazy it almost cancels out. Also, he takes a smoke break every 5 minutes.

And never takes his pager.

“What the fuck is taking so long?” you hear behind you.

“I’m sorry,” you say, turning. “My manager is busy at the moment but–”

“Busy?” his voice is like a gunshot in the airy space, an absurd volume for the time.

“Yes–”

“Do you know–”

A third voice cuts in.

“Think you better learn a little patience, mate,” British?

Oh, shit. It’s that guy from before. He’s got one hip a little cocked, a frown on his face like he’s smelled something bad. His boonie hat is titled down, nearly covering his eyes. You can see them because you’re shorter than he is.

“Excuse me? And who are you? Mind your business,” the guy says.

“I think you’d better let the nice girl check me out while you wait,” he motions for you towards the parallel cash desk, and you’re grateful to just follow.

You scurry away from the guy faster than is appropriate, calling out again as you cross the open space towards the other cash desk for a manager.

You can only hope they arrive while you’re helping this one. John Price, you think his name was. He's a memorable man. Him and his moustache and his expensive company.

John Price has left the guy flabbergasted. He also has twice as many carts as him, and when your eyes widen to see them he just says take your time in a smooth, deep voice.

Oh man.

You do take your time, already calmer for John’s presence. Strange maybe to feel safe in the company of a stranger, a contractor no less, but it’s a nice change of pace.

Beep, beep. You scan methodically. John has no hidden items, and he doesn’t pressure you. He leans up against his lumber order and watches you check underneath things, under the cart, doing everything you’re trained to do.

“Start early?” he asks.

“Hm?” you lift your head. “Oh, yes. 6am.”

He whistles.

“Hard worker, I see,” he helps you lift a heavy bag of concrete.

“Thank you,” Marx look away, you think. Your face is only a little hot.

Cody strolls in the lumber doors missing his apron and – you guessed it – his pager. You fix him with a look as he smiles in greeting.

“Need a manager when you’re free,” you rush. Cody is nice, but you’re kinda miffed now.

“Oh, sure,” he says, walking by you toward the breakroom.

John Price raises a brow.

“Not everyone’s up to the task, eh?”

You feel hot again.

“It’s just early.”

John smiles. He looks remarkably silly doing it, you think. His facial hair makes him look approachable, cuddly. Like a teddy bear.

John’s order totals double the guy, which isn’t really a victory for you but it feels like one. Ha! See, you aren’t the richest guy here. You feel vindicated. Cody looks miserable cashing him out, which makes you just a little guilty.

“Will that be cash or card?” you ask, finger hovering on the POS.

He pays with card. You certainly do not notice how he cradles the machine. You aren’t that down bad.

Only you are, and his fingers are huge. His knuckles are hairy.

When you go to hand him the receipts, printed twice for record keeping, he manages to slip a 50 into your hand before you notice.

“Oh, no! I’m not allowed to–”

He folds those big bear paws over your hand, enclosing the cash in it with a sh sh sh as you protest.

“For the trouble,” he winks.

“You didn’t give me any trouble,” you try. The warmth of his palm, the roughness of his calluses. You’re a goner.

He chuckles, and you wonder how he can be both so intense and so disarming.

“You know what I mean, sweetheart,” he squeezes your hand, pushing it gently back towards you until you can put it in your apron pocket.

“Thank you,” you squeeze out.

“Don’t let him get to you,” he says.

“I’ll try,” you thank God or the universe or whoever that Cody and the guy finished a while ago.

“Attagirl.”

Yeah, you’re a goner.

[pink-toonss]

2 things. 1, squip totally makes fun of jeremy like this , no i don't take criticism. 2, my tragic flaw is that I think way too hard about the logistics of how squip works

[jestroer]

I feel like hermits are meaner than usual this season no? Like they always dunk on each other but Its like a lot less subtle rn. My theory is that It's Joel's aura

[yuwuta]

aughh that f2l drabble u did was SO GOOD i love megumi being angry at his own feelings... even in a not physical reaction way ehhe i think he'd be so grumpy when he catches himself thinking ur pretty !!!! pls rot with me ..

megumi is sooo funny because he gets angry at his own feelings for… existing unintentionally, and then remains upset when he acknowledges them but doesn’t do anything about them 😭 he’s emotionally intelligent, just not emotionally receptive or available which is a hilarious combination bc he’s stewing about his own feelings instead of… feeling them 

he knows he likes you. great. except it’s not because he didn’t ask to like you, or to think you’re pretty while you’re with him walking the dogs. logically, he understands this conclusion: you are pretty, but that doesn’t mean he wants to be distracted by it. and, sure, when he is thinking you’re pretty, he has such a soft look on his face, his eyes are so warm and his features are so relaxed, but the second he realizes what he’s thinking, his face screws up so quickly, you’d think you just kicked his puppy or something. if you ask him what’s up, he usually rolls his eyes and keeps it moving, but occasionally, you’ll catch him in on a particularly talkative day, to which he’ll confess, “your hair. it’s cute,” he grumbles, “why?” and then won’t give you a chance to answer, or even make sense of him, before he’s on his way. 

there comes a point where he just begins to sigh. he sees you and he sighs, you touch him or hug him and he sighs, he opens the door to pick you up to head to the movies with nobara and yuuji, and he just sighs, because you’re all dressed up and you look good, but if he’s going to cope with this he needs to turn around and starts heading for the car while you try to make sense of him and catch up to his scurrying. it’s exhausting. he didn’t ask for this, but he’d rather die than not be around you, so such is life; but he’d also rather die than tell you about any of this, which somehow, adds more anger to this equation. 

[beaulesbian]

;-; completely normal about this

nothing hurts. everything is fine :'))

[active-mind-15]

The Midorima sleep starter pack

[jonahmagnus]

Paranatural fandom rn

[nintendont2502]

sigh. it's thinking about child abuser/evil fuck off puppet hours I guess

[purplesoup-lad-le]

day 7 free day 😼 (bye bye!!)

@kotlcpridemonth2023

[riverie-cetus]

Kieran, looking at Dan and Neph confused: A-Are they flirting or are they fighting?

Neph, grabbing the color of Dans shirt and pulls him close: I'm gonna sink my teeth into your fucking throat!!

Kieran, now *more* confused: T-That doesn't answer my question???