#either way im excited to see what its about
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Rah rah rah rah
#dog boy gonna dog#but oooh hes so earnest and passionate about singing its really touching#and it sounds like some other members will pop in since he mentioned han and changbin ?#either way im excited to see what its about#kim seungmin
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i know next season is supposed to be lestat focused (and im currently having a breakdown imagining him as a rockstar) but i would give ANYTHING to see a glimpse of how louis and armand were living in the current age before they invited their couple therapist. theres no way they figured out how to use the internet to its full potential. did rashid come over one day to set up their wifi and then ended up their little henchman. are their man snacks found on craigslist or something. armand said he didnt want daniel there so i can only imagine louis was annoying him 24/7 while he was trying to read on his kindle in peace 💀 the way louis is so adamant about getting this book made makes me think he was watching tv and one of those reality shows that covers old musicians came on and he saw lestat and started tweaking because no way did he think about old man dan's book out of no where
#this show is getting me through the kaisoo drought#but at what cost#going genuinely insane#im so excited for season 3. i cant believe i discovered a show that covers ALL of my interests#i literally had a vamp storyline like this on my sims save files so many times#like this is crazy.....#anyways as i was saying... i need this lore#the actual lore is so crazy i forget how wild it is that they invited daniel back after 50 years to redo a book#but like the book was VERY much a way for louis to call for lestat while pretending he isnt#and armand knew this and went crazy because louis is “covertly" trying to leave him or get les back... so why is it happening again.....#or subconciously trying. either way he cant stop thinking about lestat lestat lestat lestat#but why did armand even stay with him when he can see that. he couldve just gave up after the fight and let lestat take him back but didnt#and now 50 years later its literally the same but even worse because louis is speaking about the love along with the hatred so ??????#the books would answer this but i dont wanna read......#im gonna put off the books for 10 years like i did this show and then my mind will be blown#its going to take 2 years for season 3 isnt it.....#i need armand to wipe my memory so that i can forget how great this show is and go about my life#iwtv
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not even panicking . idek what ur saying why would ever be worried abt this
#head in hands#trial practice for tap class is in about 20 minutes and im just about remaining sane#GAHHHH this is so stressful#they do not really speak english and i do not really speak japanese so this will be exciting#plus the class is like..... 2hrs long lol#BUT WE FUCKING MOVE OK IM BEING SO BRAVE#IM GOING TO GO TO THE CLASS AND SEE WHAT ITS LIKE#ITS GOING TO BE FINE IM SURE THEY WILL ALL BE NICE AND LOVELY#tap people generally are i find#i will go to the class and do some tap and not die of a stress induced heart attack because ITS SOMETHING I LOVE#AND ILL DO IT#and if it sucks and i hate it then fuck it. i never have to see these goddamn people ever again if i don't want to#hopefully i WILL want to. bc its gonna be great and im gonna love it#I HAVE FAITH#I CHOOSE TO BELIEVE 😭😭🥳#i will update u guys when i get back 🫡#if its fab i will recommend it#and if it sucks we will roast it mercilessly#either way i am being very brave today and i am sharing this bravery with u as well 🫶🫡#the little gay people in my phone believe in me and i will not disappoint#just the same way that i believe in you too ✊🥳
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I hate panic attacks
#rant#which is to say i hate the whirlwind of specifically bad times in my life that brought them on and kept them#i hate that they trigger when i feel strong Anything#ive been trying to Dissassociate less and feel more. because feeling stuff does HELP me notice whats helping or hurting me#but like. i WISH it was about feeling joy and pleasure and excitement. maybe ill feel those eventually#but right now Any strong emotion is still ridiculously close to triggering panic attacks#im still terrified to go watch a play. because i LOVE plays and the last times ive gone for the past decade#ive had awful panic attacks because my brain clicked Love them with Intense Feeling into Panic dont breathe chest hurts Hate Urself#turns out my brain didnt just attach the trigger to fear of loud noises or fear of asking for#trigger from self hating thiught loops#it alsp clicked the trigger into: particularly notiveable romantic feelings of any kind (lile someome? have a panic attack! thatll keep u#physically incapable of getting near them! like plays! lets have you unable to breathe sobbimg hysterical so ur terrified to be trapped in#the audiience for hours! fucking hate hate hate it)#neurofeedback and emdr certainly lowered the panic attack rate per day or week to a Lesser per month situation#but im still lucky if i get thru a pa without illogivally trying to Fix it the irrational way i did when young which is hit myself#in the illogical hope if im injured enough ill be able to think again (which doesnt work its dangerous and makes the panic attack last#longer a pa just does Not let u think rationally untol its over u CANNOT try and fix it while in it and dping that makes it much worse)#if i get thru a pa without a concussion ive done much better than usual :/ i dont want any more#im so tired man. i want to go see a play!#i dont want to Try and then end up hyperventilating and crying with my brain imsisting i Need To be Dead for 2 hours#im the parking lot because it triggers when i park. or worse it triggers when i drive and i have to pull over and im trapped x place for#hours. either way i miss the play i wanted to fucking see!#i hate how panic attacks feel like a trap. not even a trap i can fight. its my own limitation. goddamn ive been fatigued ive been dying#in a hospital a few times. panic attacks feel worse to me. at least dying i can do something (eventually) to stop#altho i guess dying for hours in hospital until i got helped was similar. but ill hopefully only go thru that 1-2 more times in life#and i had like 5 panic attacks during that hospital visit since a heart rate so high like 200 cant calm down anyway
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where i come from, 2022
#treviglio#italy#north italy#my life#this feels ages ago#wish i could stay home for 3 weeks but i havw to juggle free days and barely get 4 days together#i wonder how ill end up this new year#cause i rll wanted to see someone then i kinda realized its for nothing but still itd be the only exciting thing#rest is..plan B#i have no idea really#everything is like...a plan B because fun A plans are a luxury#yet of all the people whod care there no one which makes me really feel like lets meet#either that or its someone who acts like its cool to see me but taking a free day extra is a no go#i dont know i dont know if another interrail pass would be a big waste cause id be just going to duesseldorf twice maybe and id#barely have time to stay home and should just get plane tickets while theyre not crazy expensive#was thinking about only taking the way there but idk#im at a point where i dont even dare asking#know i wont just explore a city alone again#thought who knows maybe ill get to see someone in germany#but then id have to get more free days and is that what i want#sukkel
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reaching the "pit of despair" portion of the emotional rollercoaster that is today
#speak friend and enter#like i just have to cry it out rq bc i know realistically itll all be fine#and even if its not i can go home.#but i walked to get pizza and cut the walk sign too close and almost got hit by a car and then immediately got shat on by a seagull#and my blood sugar is low and im afraid im spending my money all wrong and i miss my family and my pets and my friends :(#but on the flip side ive been here for a grand total of seven hours and everyone ive talked to has been super nice.#and its not like i was seeing my friends in person at home either. none of them live near my parents#so realistically is this different from being in like my junior year of college when i didnt have any irl friends? no not really#and did i have fun then? yeah i did#so im definitely excited to see what all this will bring and i know ill meet people and get to see way more of the country#and the positives outweigh the negatives but admitting that doesnt get me off the emotional roller coaster.#so i gotta thug it out while i use these tags as a journal and then eat my dinner ans watch some tv and take a shower and go to sleep.#see the bad thing about being medicated is that now im self aware. being unaware was worse dgmw#but now its like cmonnnnn i should be able to test out of this i know the answersssss
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MY MUM JUST BOUGHT ME AND HER TICKETS TO SEE SIX?? UNPROMPTED???? SHE IS THE MOST CONFUSING WOMAN ALIVE??????? BUT YAAAAAYYYY
#she hates me but also doesnt but also does but not quite but does but doesnt but#see i have a worse relationship with my father but its so much easier because hes just an absolute bastard all round#my mothers flip flopping every day calling me an ungrateful waste of money one minute then buying me six tickets the next like??#what am i meant to do about that???#anywayz SIX TICKETS WOO FUCKING LOVE SIX#I WAS MEANT TO SEE IT RIGHT BEFORE COVID HIT AND I JUST HAVENT COME ACROSS IT SINCE#SHE SAW IT AND JUST BOOKED THE TICKETS FOR NEXT YEAR IM LIKE SO EXCITED#fr though why is she being so nice to be its kind of frightening#i think its because i had that breakdown in front of her before#she hasnt told me to get a job since then either#you guys dont understand how big of a deal that is#she always finds a way to tell me to get a job#anywayz everyone thank my mum for being a great mum <3#for the moment as least#dont want to jinx it#maybe marrying my step dad last month changed her psychologically#omg maybe shes started therapy#am a little afraid because im in the process of starting testosterone (yay!) but havent told her and i should be on it by december so uh#its gonna be obvious by the time we go to see it#so im *scared*#she may very well take the tickets away but LETS HOPE NOT#im so sorry ive written an essay in the tags lmfao#mummy issues#mummy issues going wild fr
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omg congrats to yong yea for the new kiryu role :)
#snap chats#epic......#im happy for him he seems excited bout dubbing him for gaiden#im ALWAYS stoked to see what VAs can bring to the table.... yippee......#i do wonder what happened to darryl though#maybe its just a jason adkins sitch and they felt like swapping the voices Just Cause yk what i mean#i always wondered bout the adkins situation tbh... but again Things Happen i guess#no one cares about ike va lore thats just a me thing#idk if im gonna get gaiden yet- i might just so no one shoots me in the dick later about it#either way im excited to hear his performance alongside kuroda these comings games :)
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fnaftok discussing about the fnaf movie and their expectations is making me cringe so bad rn
#( ♥︎ ) — messy talk.#ok so little rant#🤓#why did i see a mf in the comment section say they want the movie to be like the vhs tapes#THE VHS TAPES ARENT CANON TO THE LORE OR THE GAME ITSELF HELLO#AND LMFAOAOOO ima be real the vhs tapes i see on tiktok give massive walten files vibes rather than fnaf itself it completely takes away#the immersion and its just fucking cringy#also to the edgy mfs that say they dont want kids to show in the theater#ur absolutely right i dont wanna see kids in this bitch either but the way yall are only excited about the gore is super fucking concerning#‘i cant wait to see kids die brutally on screen’ OH MY GOD WHAT??!?!!??????#HELP ME LMAOOOO#‘i wanna see the look on childrens faces when they see all the gore and dark side of fnaf’ pls stop speaking xx#and im not even gonna get started on fnaf youtubers everyone wants to see in the movie and have ‘big roles’#immediately NO#youtubers in this movie takes away the immersion imo#plus why are mfs desperate for dawko to join the movie HELL NAW#i can take small cameos but no large roles for these mfs#also to the bitches with extremely high expectations#your ass is not gonna see the bite of 87 or elizabeth’s death or william’s death or michael swallowing ennard in one movie dawg 😹😹😹#pls know the order of the lore#and im pretty sure the movie is based off the first fnaf game which is basically right after the mci and crying child’s death#anyways thanks for listening to my long rant#fnaftok is just so annoying sometimes
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i unlocked a new voice earlier btw but i cant do it that much bc it requires me to be nervously laughing and breathing very heavily and it had me gasping for breath for like 30 minutes
#it was scary it sounded like the joker. i was just recounting some annoying men i saw in the comments section of a video DNDNJFNF#God it was so fucking annoying. my issue is i love longform videos abt like. old videogames i might notve heard of or not rly thofught abt#and i found a new channel recently and its all wellmade yk. a couple of his jokes ive been Slightly looks but nothing too bad .#but godd. one of his comments like second top was Its so nice to see a rly long video abt a game i fangirl over ^_^#which is a sweet comment. but god every fucking reply was ERMMYOY MEAN FANBOY#um its crazy you said fangirl bc im a man and im also a faj of it sooo acrually um i think youll find yyyou meantto say just fan Or fanboy#bc im a man so i didnt fangirl just so your know bc im a man so probably you meant to say something else bc im a man btw if you did t know#Maleee man penis and balls and all that bc im a man fanboy you meant i think. like guys shut up#and the video it was on i think was one whwre he literally made a joke abt his audience being 98% male#and i was like Damn . i wonder why when yr community seems like such a good place to be a woman. but its whatever man. its not like im gonna#be in the comments section much i cant even comment on newpipe#i just like to look sometimes its like peoplewatching. bc sometimes i see funny or insightful comments#and other times i get to look at people and go Wow i dod not know people could be this stupid or dense or just annoying. and either is#exciting bc it means i get to learn about the beautiful and diverse range of human experience and communication. but goddd. i need to just#maybe not let myself look in the comments of videogame videos specifically#Sry for being a misandrist btw. and before you ask i do think everyman should kill himself which is clearly the only thing you could take#away from somebody lightly critiquing men in any way. and i love the male loneliness epidemic and i think we should make them lonelier or#whatever and men dont have real problems. all of this is clearly what i must think#sry. ive been on a very annoyed kick lately DNFNFNFNGN tooooo many men getting on my nerves. and im half man on my fathers side so you know#that i have experience with the subject#i love saying half man on my fathers side etc bc like obv the joke but also im bigender. so i am half man. kiiind of funny
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Lineart to lineless art progress thingie (for funsies! and also bc im running out of things atm to put in queue lol). My fashion sense is very basic but i really like the left & right designs for Helene!
It's interesting to see how many details get lost/added in the process between lining things out/turning the lines to full color. Helene's face on the left loses the angle I was going for (OTL) and i fiddled with the anatomy a bit to make it better on the right
Wanted to make this as a glimpse at what a modern AU!version of Helene would look like (and im really hoping to see her on Earth and her reactions to being on Earth! but atm it's hinted only dragons are capable of tracking down people across 'verses so im just saying...hey Paris...regarding Helene and your Dragon Pact powers...).
#TME art#for how much i obsess about Helene I don't draw her often lol#partly bc it's really hard to draw her right in my eyes#on things i really hope happen in the manhwa: it's PARIS who gets to visit Lyla on Earth first and learn her real name because in the LN-#he WAS the first one to find out her name so it'd be kind of a fitting homage to his LN self if he learned her Korean name first#and teleported to her first the way he did in the LN before Fian did#PLUS PLUS PLUS#I've been thinking about it a lot but irl!Lyla and Paris look like they could be siblings#and it'd be REALLY FUNNY if Paris appeared on Earth and was mistaken as a long lost brother or something#plus im ngl i kind of want to see him build a bond with Lyla and big brother her the way he did in the LN#either by protecting her from her shitty family or scaring them off#but also it'd be really funny to see Twilight's reaction to Paris in particular appearing on Earth#(also god i forgot Twilight was a plot point in the manhwa bc she never shows up in the LN lmao)#but at least i get to have hope we might get a IRL arc with Paris or Fian or Helene (or hopefully all 3!!!)#plus i don't think it's Twilight who found Lyla when she last passed out bc the person who saved Lyla didn't look like Twilight#so im wondering if either that was Fian from the future his reincarnation in this world or someone else?#now that im thinking of Twilight im wondering who she is even more now beyond being the author#is she really Sienna reincarnated like speculations assume?#perhaps even the old Lyla herself?#and will Twilight get to meet Helene aka the heroine she royally screwed over in more ways than one?#and what would Twilight think of Paris getting close to Helene considering what she knows about their OG relationship?#gosh im looking forward to the manhwa and how it handles Twilight/the dragons hopping dimensions (hopefully w/ their gals)#also just saying but Helene probably is the only one who has the capacity to reach Lyla atm bc she knew about Sienna's teleportation magic#and hypothetically she can reverse-engineer it to reach Lyla once she learns what the hell is going on#but considering Helene doesn't know Lyla's an imposter much less that she comes from another world would she be willing to do so?#and then there's the archery festival too that's either being skipped or going to see Lyla attend it like in the LN#waaaaaah i love all the changes the manhwa introduces it makes me so excited to see how Yuria will shake things up#especially since this round Lyla IS an imposter separate from the OG!Lyla and not someone who will end up turning into Lyla#i have SO MANY THOUGHTS on this manhwa and its direction esp compared to the LN jfc#im DEFINITELY waiting for the promise of Paris going to Helene to finally ask for her help
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actively live laugh loving through a crisis of sexuality except its not in the fun way (the fun way is: oh my! am i gay? i should find a hot dyke to experiment with)
im twenty three years old i cannot seriously be wondering whether or not i like boys. i already did this shit in middle school like can we not
#bro i literally did conversion therapy about this shit 😐#if it turns out that im bi im gonna be so mad like im not even kidding#a year or two ago i had this little blip of a moment where i was like... surely im not bi... right?#but i was in a HAPPILY committed long term relationship so i was content to just like. never examine it too deeply#bc i was like. well its not like im going to be in a position to find out so it doesnt really matter lol#but now im wicked single and its like ive been pressing “ignore” on a pop up for too long and now its gotten to a point where its#completely unavoidable#do i like men!!!!!!! fuck if i know!!!!!!!#its not like i can just find a random guy and be like hey can we make out real quick i need to check something#bc im so legitimately terrified at the idea of being NEAR a man like that#but being scared of engaging with men doesnt mean that you're incapable of being attracted to them#like. i know i like women. thats easy to check. can i see myself spending the rest of my life with a woman. yes. check.#is the idea of being intimate with a woman appealing. yes. check.#like i know that shit. its not even a question.#but with men its like: i dont fucking know!#can i see myself spending the rest of my life with a man? no. because the idea of that hasnt even been on my radar since i was fourteen#like. it was either i was going to end up with a woman or i was going to be celibate for the rest of my life.#and any thoughts of “ending up with a man” before that are those of a girl who grew up in a heteronormative society and didn't know another#option was even fucking possible!#god and as for being intimate with a man. i dont know! “does it excite you?” i dont know!!! i have no fucking clue!!#and the fact that i dont have that gut reaction or desire is what made me feel so sure about being a lesbian#but i legitimately dont know if i have the capacity to feel that way#and like... i wont know if i dont check. but how the hell am i even supposed to go about doing something like that???#is this comp het?#i dont fucking know!!!!!!!#whatever it is its not fun or sexy and its REALLY killing the vibe
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i am so relieved that the aquaman vol 5 run that was like 60 issues of most over the top 90s writing from peter david ended on SUCH a strong note with dan jurgens run
#twist rambles#im suchhh a sucker for when its like ok hero is old now and telling their story in comics#golden streets of gotham also did this and goddd oh one of the best ba.tman comics everrr 2 me ok#but like. sincerely this is THE way id want this to end. im like 7 issues out from being done but its SO good. the highs and lows of this#chrono have been so incredibly real tonight.#im NEARLY done w his pre new 52 chrono which is wild. still have like? 200 issues left i think but its mostly unsorted stuff so we areclose#thats what ive been doing most of the night.... that and making really really good food. sometimes the comics can be good....#i am however excited oddly (for once in my life?) for the newer content w g/arth. rly excited to see stuff w jac.kson minus the horrors tha#i KNOW will be there bc WHEN have a/quaman comics done good w black man.ta. but either way im excited about it :) i like the costume#direction they did for him post new 52 and like... idk i have hope it cant be worse than well. the horrors i was hitting tonight
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ok i finished the first chapter and am gonna take a break now but im v excited to keep reading im really liking the way the author looks at things so far
#there are parts ive kinda disagreed with either what shes saying or how shes saying it but i mean given the whole point of the book i doubt#that the author would take offense at that and would in fact encourage it esp given that its a book and not a convo#like. i should hope i have some disagreements with just the introductory chapter‚ she hasnt had a chance to fully explain herself yet and#i feel like having a written record of my disagreement before potentially changing my mind is very much in the spirit of the ideas this book#is offering yknow#like at one point shes talking about religious perspectives on wrongness and says some scholars believe its abt like#our wrongness comes from eden‚ our lack of understanding of absolute right and wrong that god has#but its like. ok but the whole point with the garden of eden was that the lack of knowledge of right and wrong /was/ the extra knowledge#god had and we didnt that prevented us from sinning#eating of the tree and Gaining the knowledge of good and evil was what gave humans the ability to sin in the first place#because if we cant know something is wrong and choose to do it anyways then what is the sin?#its like how with animals we don't see them killing each other as wrong#because they dont have 'morals' like we do‚ they dont have a sense of right vs wrong so the things they do cant be classified that way#so idk if its like. thats just a difference in how my church taught us vs the scholars the author checked out#or just like. a misunderstanding in the story of eden?#i just dont get presenting eden as the example for 'we dont have the knowledge of right and wrong god does so thats what makes us able to#do wrong' when the whole thing with that story was like.#gaining the knowledge of right and wrong was what gave us that ability. like thats just backwards#(also disclaimer that i am not a christian and do not actually believe in these things‚ im just using the language as if i do here to kinda#speak from the perspective of my past self who /did/ believe it)#so im excited to find out if like. shes gonna expand further on that (next chapter is abt history so maybe) and ill be like#ohhhhh ok i see what that meant#or if ill be like 'hm yeah you just maybe had a misconception abt how the garden of eden story worked'#and like i can kinda see room for the first one already in that it said like 'we dont have gods /absolute/ knowledge of right and wrong'#so theyre saying like. we were given /some/ of the knowledge of good and evil‚ but that that in and of itself didnt /actually/ bring us up#to gods understanding of it#idk its been a while since i reread the bible‚ i do kinda remember there being a second tree? but i dont think it was like#'tree of full onniscience' i thought it was the tree of eternal life or smth#or maybe im just mixing up the bible and the narnia remix of it? i know there is a tree of eternal life in the magicians apprentice#origibberish
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(long story and no short sorry) GUYSSS I DID ITT
I INDUCED IT!!!!! I WAS PURE AS A FUCKING BABY
IDK WHAT TO SAY (ok enough w capslock)
i have so much to say and not a thing at da same time idk how
anyway i want to begin with thanking you @b4ddprincess bc youre the reason i realized why i started this thing. thank you for making my life better and make me realized what i need to do: nothing. (its same for you guys, all u have to do is nothing)
two fuckn years ago i said to myself that i need a better life, quiter life, less fight with everthing bc everything was so loud and not clear i was feeling lost like a child in the market, and i wanted to make things better for myself in every way, but the main idea of my reasons to wanting to get in the void was: making anxiety go and having better people in my life. but the ''voidlist'' just never stopped bc im kinda greedy(having the idea of controling on your life, the idea of that power makes you greedy. yes thats a thing) anyway the more i add to the list the more i feel like im movin away from my desires then i feel depressed bc ive overcomplicating it bc theres so many things to do but i dont do anything so nothing happend bc i was waiting to be someth happen. and then i started doing awkwardly silly things such as: void routines and challenges and (im embarrassed of this one bc i was too desperate) drinking water
youve read it correct drinking water.
i was sooo desperate for having those things id do anything to get them.
i am simple. i want what everyone wants🎀🎀🎀: shifting realities bc i have so many crush and i need them to be crush me in bed(for 2020 girlies)
being an academic weapon is so easy for me🎀(bc of the urge to make my family proud) +dream collage
being the girl that everyone gets along w(basic needs)
being the girl who is pretty not cute(trauma response)
glowing aura(cats loves people w glowing aura yes thats a thing too)
dream body n hair(bc i deserve this🎀)
healthy (girlyfriend)friends(basic needs)
and of course him, my sp(i cant tell wich one at that time but i releived that its not him now, bc MY BELOVED CURRENT BF. guyss he is the one. dont u dare ask me how you know? i literally manifested him🎀)
then i realized i can have everything bc its my reality so why not add these:
new phone, +macbook air
dream apartment of my own
pinterest closet
lifa app for this reality
financially free-money(a lot. like really a lot)
knowing 4 languages like a native person(bc i want to be diplomat so bad) +sign language(its in general)
a little drama(its not gonna hurt anybody)
my parents being more lovable and away from me
every time i try to get in, either i was failing or falling
and im sick of it, sick of it so much i quit.(for a year)
then i go to the theraphy(ofc no im jk ilove being crazy)
one day i saw a post ss from tumblr about pure consciousness on pinterest and i was like whaat is thiiss. no mention of void so i thougt its a diffrent thing and i download the tumblr again and search everything abt it. and same excitement again after one year same thougts and same list popes up in my head. and i was like ok maybe this time itll happen.
still waiting to be someth happen so nothing happend, it was such a waste of time trying to get in while i was already be, i was already what i want to become. i was that girl that everyone gets along with but i couldnt even see bc i was too focused on wanting to be. but still tried every night and failed. and again tried-failed-quit circle bc.. have you ever met me🎀
4 month ago i saw the girl, iconic blogger and the goddess of my dreams, her @b4ddprincess thx again love u so much
a post pops in my fyp and i see the words ''pure consciousness'' i was like noo not again. and i was serious abt it i wasnt gonna read the whole thing but it attract me n i couldnt resist it so ive read it from the top to the bottom. and she got my interest so i stalked her page from the last and to the first post. it was quiet a beautiful journey for me. lasted like 3 days, the end of the 3rd day i was ''woaw it was this easy all along? u cant be serious.'' she was. i tried one last time, no breathing exercise, no ridiculous routines and no waiting something to be happen. it was just me being real me chilling out asf.
and it was this easy and it should be this easy bc being your 4d self is being nothing also being everything at the same time. if u wanna be everything you should be nothing first(as wizardliz saying: drop the old story, leave the victimhood, for being better stop being bitter etc.)u should make a space for everything first and then u can be everything.
for being 4d self of yours stop being your3dself.
sooo long story (no)short i am writing this from my mac in my new apartment(in middle of the night bc i couldnt sleep and then one tumblr notification reminded me i have a success story to share too) and my phone buzzing two minutes a time bc of my friends while im writing this, so if theres anything wrong ignore it pls.
oh u asking my bf how cute, hes sleepin in my bed now, exhausted from the work n school balance.
YWS SCHOOL!! im in my dream collage and im going to be in paris for a week. i deserve a vacation i guess(its for another conference), i kinda hate french men bc theyre so mansplaning(not like how i imagined, its hard to be friends w them)girls are cute but i feel like theyre aware im not permanent there so we just con buddies still cute and hepful for this foreigner.
and i canceled the lifa app thingy bc i can be my purest consciousness anytime i want, so i am my lifa app.
and thx to 4 languages i make a lot of money and that brings us to the pinterest closet, yesterday i realiased that. theyre not comes to me w an imaginary way like i imagined! i go outside for shopping casually and theyre there luckily i have enough money to buy them.
and my family theyre living in our hometown now so as i want it to be, we are away from eachother.
and the most magical thing: SHIFTING REALITIESSS
i did 5 world before i met w my bf. it was such a wonderful experience. if you have doubts abt shifting you can go fuck urself
because sir i did it and i am very sure that dean winchester being my husband is not a daydream, fantasy nor lucid dreaming. believe it or not he kissed me GOD HE KİSSED ME(someone should stop me i have a bf)
is there anything i missed let me see.. cats i have 2 cats now and theyre adorable. glowing aura-check
the girl who is pretty not cute- check +make anxietygo-checkcheckcheck
dream body and hair- check and check
i wanna give u a info i didnt have all my desires by being my4dself
not directly actually. but i have them all. and thats the point.
im not trying to be a blogger but if you have any question abt anything, id be happy to help
now i need to upgrade things in my farm byeess
loves, siena.
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chicken tenders
“the best part of my day is when i get to see you naked.”
summary - chris has been stressing this entire week, meetings have piled up while also trying to maintain filming and keep up with his brand. all he wants right now is to see you.
switch!chris x switch!reader
you were on chris’ mind the second he woke up, he hadn’t seen you in about a week due to his busy schedule. he was growing frustrated, mentally and sexually, he would call you here and there to ask how your day was but he wasn’t really listening.
he was too lost in the sound of your tired voice from your long day as you told him what was going on, letting out small hums to let you know he was “listening”.
(flashback to yesterday..)
“and so thats when i tell her that- chris are you okay?” you had heard a soft whine from the other line “y-yeah m’fine, k-keep going ma. m’listening don’t worry..” his face turning red from almost getting caught, hand still wrapped around his cock waiting for you to continue your story “oh ok.. well anyways-“
“o-oh fuck!” he groaned, forgetting you could still hear him. “chris are you-?” you giggle “please ma, n-need you so bad baby.. haven’t been able to see you in so- fuck! so long” he lets out a shaky breath as his hand never stops its movement.
“yeah? need me that bad you’re willing to jerk off to my voice thinking i wouldn’t notice? you’re pathetic chris”
thats what got him, the degrading words pushing him over the edge. all that can be heard from his end is small cries and whimpers with your name thrown in between “fuck. y-you’re killing me baby, can’t wait to see you..”
(present day)
chris was excited for today, some of his meetings got pushed back a couple of days ahead which gave him some time to see you. not right now though, he still had to go to the warehouse to sign cards that were gonna be put in merch drops and still had a meeting or two to attend.
on the way there though he was fairly quiet, usually being his energetic self he would be blasting music throughout the whole car or picking on either matt or nick just because he was bored. “kid you there? hellooo!!” matt said waving his hand in front of chris’ face as they stopped at the red light. “what- matt get your fucking hand away from me dickhead” he pushes his hand away and scoffs “i was trying to ask you something, fucking idiot” matt said, clearly irritated.
“well what? im listening now.” chris grumbled “chris whats your problem? you’ve been acting like a moron this whole week” nick chimes in “probably cause he hasn’t seen his girl all week, s’that it chris?” matt says chuckling while the car starts moving once more.
“kid shut the fuck up already.” chris’ voice is now stern and serious “ooh that must be it” nick says laughing “can you both seriously stop talking, you’re fucking annoying.” he snaps at both of them.
“okay whatever kid just fix whatever the fuck you got going on there, m’not tryna have you moping around with us all day.” matt stated before pulling in to park.
chris was never known to be patient, always eager to have have what he wanted immediately. so when in the middle of a meeting he got a text from you he obviously opened it, not knowing that it was a photo of you in a white lingerie set with a following text saying “need you so bad baby :(“ he excused himself to the restroom and instantly called you.
you pick up immediately with a cheesy smile across your face “hey love!” your voice filled with innocence like you didn’t just get him hard in front of everyone. “y/n cut it out, im serious, right now isn’t a good time sweetheart” he said trying to keep his composure.
“i don’t know what you’re talking about baby, m’not doing anything..” you giggle “ma, please. just give me another hour and im all yours. please.” the desperation in his voice makes your thighs clench in need.
“well what if i want you now, you know i don’t like waiting” you let out a soft sigh, your hand begins to trail down to where you’re aching most. “y/n i swear if you’re doing what i think you are right now.” “don’t act like you don’t like it chris, bet you’re so hard right now, hm?”
“i’ll be there in a hour and if you keep up with this attitude you’re not coming at all tonight.” your thighs clench even more at his daring words. “ugh you’re no fun baby” you groan as he hangs up the phone.
he made his way back as matt and nick look at him annoyed, the meeting was already over and they were just sitting there waiting for chris. “do i have something on me? whats up?” he says checking his clothes and fixing his hair “you had us sitting here for forever, stupid fuck” nick says getting up “yeah whatever kid, are we leaving or not?” he makes his way out not waiting for the two behind him “kid walked out like he’s the one driving” matt said, making nick giggle.
the three were on the way home from a long day, matt was yawning every chance he got and nick was already asleep in the back, chris on the other hand though had a huge grin formed on his face.
“matt can you drop me off at y/n’s?” chris said looking over at his brother “yeah sure” he said with laugh following after “what are you laughing at?” chris said confused “nothing, just knew that was why you were acting like a baby today” “yeah whatever dickhead, just turn right here”
you hear a knock at the door, then suddenly your phone goes off, a text from chris. “im here ma” you smile and go to open the door, the second its slightly open chris barges in pinning you against the wall kissing you like he’ll never get to see you again.
he kicks the door closed and locks its before wrapping his arms around your waist, you can feel him through the rough material of his baggy jeans. fuck.
before you could even tell him something he has you over his shoulder in a tight grip before making his way to your room “someones eager” you say with a giggle.
“can’t believe you, sending me that picture in the middle of my meeting, such a fucking tease baby.” he pins you down to the bed, settled right between your legs before trailing his hands up your shirt (his shirt)..
finally shuffling you out of your clothes so you’re in nothing but that pretty lace from earlier, the tension between you two is making your stomach tighten and between your thighs wet.
him being fully clothed while you’re basically bare under him makes your head spin, wanting to see more of him you begin to play with the bottom of his shirt. “please chris, wanna see you..” you whine “yeah sweetheart? go ahead then, take it off” he smirks as you start to slip his shirt off, running your nails down his chest you feel him shiver. “watch it ma.” he warns as your hands go down further to his prominent bulge poking through his jeans.
“i need you so bad baby..”
“poor girl, so fucking desperate for m’cock.” the sound of his belt buckle clinking and his jeans ruffling off is the only thing consuming the silence between you two, he finally removes the only thing keeping you from seeing all of him and you can’t help but gawk at him. “got nothing to say now, huh? you know starin’ is rude mama.”
you roll your eyes and wrap your hand around him, stroking him at a teasingly slow pace. “just admiring you baby, y’so big..” you bite your lip and look at him through your lashes. “you’re so good fuck-“ he groans while fucking back into your hand, small whimpers leaving his lips encourage you to speed up.
“yeah? look at you.. fucking into my hand, y’that desperate?” your thumb smears the pre-cum around him, your lips make their way to his tip giving him small kisses.
“please-please mama” his hips begin to slowly move, trying to force more of himself in your mouth. quiet whines can be heard as you feel his heavy hands settle on the back of your head, you smirk and sit up before he can take things further.
“n-no baby please! i.. i wont touch you o-or anything-“ next thing he knows you’re on top of him and his back is against the headboard. “you need me that bad? look at you about to cry, all because you need to cum. fucking pathetic.” your voice harsh as you settle down on his lap, your hand caressing his rose tinted cheeks while he continues to squirm underneath you.
you lift your hips and begin to sink down onto him, a quiet hiss leaves your lips from the stretch — you grip onto his shoulders to stabilize yourself.
“shit-” chris’ grip on your hips tightens as he guides you further down onto him, your whines now being muffled as you dig your face into his neck.
“chris.. f-fuck”
“what’s wrong now pretty girl, what happened to that attitude you had a couple of minutes ago huh..?” his condescending tone making you squirm as you rock your hips trying to get some relief. your lips travel down his neck leaving open mouth kisses and bites the further down you go, drunk on the way his hands grip your waist and the way he feels inside you.
“j-just fuck me chris! ple-please” those words alone gives him all he needs to start thrusting up inside you, his tight hold on you lifting you up slightly. “c’mon pretty girl, cant let me do all the work yeah..” he teases you as his other hand comes up to grip onto your jaw, making you look directly at him.
you start to bounce up and down, your moans growing louder by the second each time you slam down onto him. chris wasn’t so quiet either — loud grunts and groans can be heard from him as mumbles of your name and praises leaves his mouth.
“good fucking girl ma, doin’ such a good job f’me sweetheart- fuck!”
your pace starts to slow down, the burning in your thighs starts to get too much for you. you make your way up to his neck once more, leaving your mark in various places that he will for sure see in the morning. the thought of the red and purple splotches traced around his neck and collarbones makes you clench around him.
your movements are barely doing anything by now, leaving chris to do all the work as you get closer and closer to coming. “always makin’ me do all the fucking work huh? greedy brat. always getting whatever she wants isn’t that right?” he taunts as he flips you two around, your legs on his shoulders as he starts fucking into you faster and harder.
“o-oh shit! fuc-fuck me chris please, m’so close baby please!” your babbles becoming incoherent as he hits that spot deep inside you that makes your eyes roll into the back of your head. “go ahead mama, come for me. take this dick ma, s’all yours.”
legs shaking as he continues to fuck into you, your hands grip his curls and bring him down to a sloppy kiss. needing to feel him in any kind of way what so ever, you pull back to let out a loud moan as you clamp down on him and release all over his cock. “theree ya’ go mama, goodd girl. my beautiful girl look at youu” he praises.
his groans getting louder tells you he’s close, trying his best not to come before you. he always made sure you came before him, in his words “gotta make my girl feel good.”
“where you want it ma?” “i-inside baby please!” he groans one last time as he feels you clench around him and that was his breaking point, he cums inside you with a proud smile slapped across his face.
his thrusts slow down as you both come down from the high, he starts to pull out before he hears you wince. “you good ma? did i hurt you-“ “no no baby m’fine just- a little sensitive” you give him a tired smile as you lay your head back feeling like you could fall asleep any second now “i fucked you that good then huh?” his smirk making you roll your eyes and throw the nearest pillow at him.
“chris if were not in that shower in the next 2 seconds you’re sleeping on the couch i swear to-” you say joking (half joking) “ok ok damn no need to get all bossy w’me ma, c’mon lets get you up” he’s now off the bed as he picks you up holding you like a baby. “you’re washing my hair i hope you know that” you tell him with a smile.
“yes i know that, when have i not?” he says confused as he smiles at you half asleep in his arms “my sweet girl, i love you so much” are his last words before walking into the bathroom.
- avery’s note ˚ 𝜗𝜚˚⋆。-
i finallyyy finished this fic omg. i hope you guys like it!! i love bringing dominic fike into any conversation i can. i feel like i could’ve wrote more but i had no real fics for chris.. anyways byee i love youu ᥫ᭡ !!
𝐭𝐚𝐠𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐭 - @submattenthusiast @chrissv4mp @ellaapsworld @jetaimevous @mattsbrowser @55sturn
#— ⋆ ˚。 writings .ᐟ ꩜#chris sturniolo#chris sturniolo smut#sturniolo triplets#matt sturniolo#nick sturniolo#christopher sturniolo#chris sturiolo fanfic#christopher sturniolo x reader#matt sturniolo fanfic#matt sturniolo imagine#matt sturniolo smut#christopher sturniolo blurb#chris sturniolo x reader#chris sturniolo fluff#matt sturniolo blurb#matt sturniolo x reader#matthew sturniolo#matt sturniolo angst#matt sturniolo fluff
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