#either way i'm looking forward to another year of writing! it's been really cool so far :D

[wanderingblindly]

Are you still doing these? If so landoscar and 40? c:

oooooh kiss because the world is ending? allow me to avoid writing angst or appocolyptic content by asking: what if Lando and Oscar were 15-17 ish in 011- 2012? prompts here :)

Countdown

"You know that's not real, right?" Oscar says, maybe more of a sigh. Exasperated, he sets a bowl of crisps down on the table and makes himself at home on the floor.

Lando scoffs at it from the sofa. "But we don't really know, do we?"

"We absolutely know."

"What if you're wrong?" Lando counters, leaning forward to snatch a handful of Oscar's snack. He rolls his eyes but lets it happen, opting to grab his beer instead. Lando's parents left them for them, but not before asking if they really 'wanted to stay in for New Years' instead of going to the neighborhood party.

Oscar looks pensive before he answers, swallowing heavily with a wince – must have taken down too much at once. "Well I'll be dead, so. Don't reckon it matters much."

"That's not the point," Lando starts, flailing his hands for emphasis. "Don't you want something before you die? Everyone does, mate, what the fuck is wrong with you?"

Another shrug, another swig. Lando gets the distinct suspicion that Oscar's hiding something behind his cool façade. "Nothing I can have."

"Well, if you could have anything...?" Lando leads, relaxing back against the cushions.

"You first," Oscar says, clearly deflecting. If Lando wasn't so overwhelmed with the feeling that this night matters, somehow, matters more than any night before it, he'd push back. But he's drowning in that sensation, that nagging urge to mentally catalogue ever detail before him – the warm glow of the lamp in the corner, the way it makes Oscar's cheeks seem golden-flushed.

"Fine," He says, moving to his feet. "I don't wanna die without kissing someone."

Oscar nearly balks, eyes alight with surprise. "What?"

Lando sits next to him on the other side of the coffee table, plucking Oscar's beer from his hand. It's warm. "Never kissed someone," He shrugs casually.

"Not even with –"

"Nope." He cuts him off, raising the deep amber glass to his lips. It's warm, either by Oscar's hand or his mouth. Their eyes are locked onto one another.

"Oh."

"So do you wanna –"

"Lando," It's Oscar's turn to interrupt.

"Don't tell me you wanna die without kissing someone," Lando defends himself, putting the empty bottle down with a hallow thud. Oscar's face has bloomed red, a beautiful sunrise in combination with the ambient lighting.

"The world's not gonna end, we can't just – mate, we're friends."

"And I like you." Lando says it like he assumes Oscar to already know, like it's not a confession he'd only admit to himself in the dark of his bedroom. Maybe it's the beer. Maybe it's the look in Oscar's eyes. Maybe, just maybe, it's the hands on the clock. "Ok?"

"You…" Oscar trails off, mouth slightly agape.

"Not to rush you," Lando says, looking at the time behind Oscar's head. "But we're gonna die in a minute."

"We're not gonna die," Oscar reiterates instinctively, the way he always does when Lando insists on being stupid. It makes him smile, the fact that nothing's really changed – just the words hanging in the air between them.

"Really wanna risk it?"

"I'm not gonna kiss you because the Mayans said so."

"What about because I asked so?"

There's a pause, a moment where both of them realize that they've been shifting closer with each word, leaning further. Their words are almost ghosting over each other's mouths as is, so easy for their lips to follow suit.

Finally, Oscar breathes: "Ask me then."

"I like you," Lando smiles, reading between then lines. "So please kiss me before the world ends."

"And after?" Oscar smiles back, gently laughter tickling Lando's face.

"Getting ahead of yourself, Piastri."

"Running out of time, mate." Oscar reminds him, and Lando's eyes flick to the clock.

Five.

"If you're right –"

Four.

"I am right."

Three.

"You can kiss me as much as you want."

Two.

"Deal."

One.

If the world were to end in that exact moment, the moment where Oscar gently presses his lips to his with the reverence of sculptor for his muse, Lando wouldn't notice. All that he knows, all that he feels, is the way that Oscar's hands were meant to slide into his hair.

All that he cares about, as the second hand slides into 2012, is that maybe the world had to end for life to really begin.

[that---one---kid]

The cold snow

Coriolanus x Reader

AN: Sorry it kinda progressed really fast and I should’ve wrote him getting gradually more obsessive, but I’ll write another like that. Do yall think reader should relate more to teens nowadays though? Should I put her hitting a vuse in the next fic?

Smut, non-con, dub-con, arranged marriage, dark!Coriolanus, baby trapping, mentions of murder, threatening, reference to domestic violence, drugging, loss of virginity

Not once did you feel love for a man. Not once did you plan on getting married. And not once did you ever consider marrying a man from the capital, they were all the epitome of stuck-up, heartless and cruel bastards dressed up to hide it with a thick veil of elegance, but, alas, when did things you wanted ever go your way. You hide a scowl as the man you had heard far too much stood in front of you next to your father. “..and I'm sure she’s looking forward to the dress!” Your father laughed. “I’m quite sure my cousin is just as excited to help with the design.” The snow-haired boy- no, monster, said, turning to face you, his cold blue eyes look unnerving in the dim light of your dining room. You wondered if he had that same look in his eyes as he came up with ways to monetize innocent deaths. You give a forced smile, directed towards your soon-to-be husband. “I can’t wait to see what she comes up with!” Your voice sounds more strained than intended. Your father's hand lands heavy on your shoulder and he gives you a squeeze before speaking. “Coriolanus, it’s been an absolute pleasure as always, but I hate to keep you too late. University I’m sure is tiring enough and you’ll have Y/N to talk your ear off soon enough.” You shift your shoulder and shake his hand off. Your father gives you a look and Coriolanus smiles before taking your hand and raising it to his lips, bowing slightly he kisses your hand softly, the feeling of his lips on your skin makes a chill run up your spine. “Right again Mr. L/N, but I do look forward to having someone else to talk to aside from Gran’mam and Tigris and Y/N is a wonderful conversationalist.” Your father makes his way to the front door alongside Coriolanus while you snake away as they’re too preoccupied with a conversation of politics and wedding arrangements. You quietly make your way upstairs, narrowly missing a maid in your hurry to slip out of your dress and into a bath, washing the filth you felt from that monster touching you off of your skin. You weren’t naive to Coriolanus Snow. Despite a year his junior plenty of people had talked of the tenth games, of Coriolanus’s ideas, and even reminiscing on it made your blood boil even more so the fact that your father would not only condone his actions but praise them. He talked nonstop of Coriolanus’s genius and innovative brain, paired with an influential name is precisely why he was so eager to offer you up as a bride for this up-and-coming president. A soft knock on your bedroom door alerts you. “I’m in the bath!” You yell. Hearing a soft creek, footsteps slowly follow. “Hello?” You yell, a brunette female avox holding a silk robe enters your bathroom. You shift to cover yourself, despite having servants since childhood you never did get used to their lack of speech and dead stare. If your tongue got cut out you wouldn’t have much light in your eyes either, you suppose. “Thanks, just leave it on the counter.” The silent woman robotically moves towards the counter and places it down before leaving, swift footsteps and a quiet door closing signaling it was time for you to get you. Quickly standing and pulling the drain, the cool air on your skin gives you goosebumps. Slipping on the robe, there's another knock on your bedroom door. “Yeah, just one minute…” You pause, trying to recall the avox’s name, but drawing a blank.

Had even you dehumanized these indentured servants so much that you never learned their names? “Y/N?” Your head perks up from the thought. “Uh, you can come in, Mother, I just got out of the bath.” The door closes and you make yourself decent before walking out into your bedroom. Your mother sits at the edge of your bed, her thin frame barely sinking into the plush sheets. Your mother, although barely giving out any more than the bare minimum of maternal comfort, had always been a confidant for you. Rarely speaking unless spoken to, dressed to your father's liking, and eating the rations for a mouse on your father's request, you had always had a soft spot for her. You knew from a young age you wanted nothing to do with men, and never wanted to be trapped in a marriage like your mother was, loveless and cold it was no wonder you were an only child. She motions for you to sit next to her. “Grab your brush and let's talk.” Grabbing your brush off the vanity beside you, you walk over and stiffly sit next to your mother, handing her your brush. She grabs a lock of your hair and begins working her way through the tangles. This goes on for a few minutes before she breaks the silence. “I know you’re not happy about the marriage.” You roll your eyes and let out a huff. “Forgive me for not wanting to marry the malicious Mr. Snow, I know I’m sooo lucky to get a shot with someone who can make such a spectacle of child murder.” The sarcasm that made you bite your tongue around your father was let loose around your mother  She brushes out a knot with more force than she should, making you let out a wince. Sighing she continues on to another section of hair. “No need to be smart.” She puts down the brush and turns you towards her. Her pale, perfectly curated mask of makeup cracks up close. Her tired eyes and creases from many nights of poor sleep cannot be hidden, no matter how much concealer and powders are applied. “I was much more naive than you are when I married your father. I had the stories and the glory days of the capitol, but I was wrong. I know we haven’t set the best example of marriage for you, but please take this away if nothing else.” Your mother looks at you with a stern and pleading gaze. “You need to submit yourself to this fate.” Her voice is desperate and you can only give her a deadpan stare, “I’m not like you, mother, I have no interest in-” A stinging pain floods your senses, your cheek beginning to get hot accompanied by what you're sure is a brilliant red handprint. Your mother composes herself, fumbling with her hands in her lap, a blank stare adorns her tired face. “Unless you want to feel that and much worse from a hand much heavier than mine, I suggest you heed my advice.” Quickly and quietly, your mother stands up and walks to the door while you sit still in a somewhat shocked state from the normally docile woman's slap. “I don’t want to see you get hurt, I don't want you to go through what I did.” And with that she leaves, leaving you to recover and slip into a nightgown before lying in bed, a futile attempt to make sleep come quicker as your head swims through questions, realizations and your inevitable fate of entrapment.

A week comes and goes, you fill your time with work from the academy, struggling to get through dinners and talks with your father about marriage and the upcoming wedding. Your mother, to her credit, uncharacteristically changes the subject from time to time, giving you few and far-between sympathetic glances. You're grateful for that, at least. “I have business to attend to in District Two for a while, your mother and I will be away for at least a week, maybe more.” Your father says in between bites of sirloin. “Will Arthur be coming around?” Arthur was your uncle, a distant relative your father would like to forget, but it was the one fight he lost to your mother, her absolute refusal for him to isolate her completely from her eldest brother was what a majority of their fights were about in your childhood. Despite that, Arthur always made things more lively, less constrictive, and was the rare times you saw your father intimidated. Your father pauses before speaking again. “He is not, I see it fitting that Coriolanus comes and stays with you while we are away. He will escort you to school and come with his driver to pick you up after his university classes.” You clench your fork, and anger and something akin to nervousness twists in your stomach. Steadying your mind before speaking, you look to your mother who sips her wine, refusing to look at you. “Does that not seem improper, Father. I mean we aren’t to be wed for two more months. What image would that look like?” You try finding any loop, using the family image as leverage wasn’t ideal, but it was a last-ditch effort. “Since when have you cared about your public image? It sets a strong front up for the two of you. I want you to be seen with him as a young respectful woman from a strong house, someone the people can see as the first lady of Panem and I trust you will do as told.” There’s emphasis at the end of his words, more like a threat. Your mother clears her throat before excusing herself to the restroom. The rest of the dinner was sat in tense silence.

A knock at the door causes you to shoot your head up from your book in the living room.�� Your parents had left early in the morning and it was now early afternoon, you tried easing the building nerves in your stomach by reading non-stop since before the sun was up, with time put aside to make sure your hair and makeup were perfect because despite hating you fiance and dreading his arrival, some small part of you still wanted to be desired by him.  You set down your book before whispering yelling at the avox passing by. You could see a small glimpse of Coriolanus waiting at the door from the window, but the tree would make it hard for him to see you. As childish as it sounded you asked the avox to wait until she heard your bedroom door from upstairs to close before letting coriolanus in. Like a child caught sneaking down stairs to get a glimpse of Santa, you ran quickly and quietly upstairs, praying silently that Coriolanus didn’t look through the windows next to the door only to see you scampering upstairs to hide in your bedroom. As quickly as you could you make it to your bedroom and slam the door just loud enough so that it could be heard downstairs. From there you crawl into your bed and under the covers of your bed, but instead of hiding from the monsters under the bed like when you were a child, you’re hiding from the monster downstairs, the one who comes to strip you of what little freedom you had left. Hearing the stairs creak makes the dull anxiety turn into panic as the creaking disappears, meaning they’ve now made it to the second floor, meaning they, who you were hoping weren't Coriolanus, were most likely heading for your door. Thinking quickly, you feign sleep, hoping that the oldest trick in the book will work on whoever came to disturb you.  A knock on the door makes you flinch, but still you lay as silently as possible, trying to control and calm your breathing. The door knob turns and the door is pushed open ever so slightly. A heavy footstep echoes through your quiet room followed by a closing door.

Glass against glass is heard before being placed by your bedside followed by a weight on the bed and hot breath tickling your ear. “Sleeping at noon? Come on now, Y/N, I’m not an idiot.” Coriolanus’s voice comes out smooth like honey, but cold like the harsh whip of winter air when you first step outside. You turn over, bleary eyed and fake yawning. “What are you doing in my bedroom uninvited?” Your voice is meant to be accusatory and confident but comes out meek and wavering. Coriolanus backs up, his perfectly slicked back hair doesn't falter even when he brushes it back, a smirk that spells nothing but no-good unnerves you. “I’m your fiance, I think we’re past courting formalities, Y/N, plus, I’ve brought you tea.” Smiling Coriolanus gestures to the white porcelain cup. “Thank you, Coriol-” “Call me Corio, please, the formalities and all are far behind us.” You smile, picking up the tea cup and taking a sip out of it to try and fill the awkward silence that weighs heavy in the room. The bitter taste catches you off guard, scowling as you take another sip, trying to gauge what kind of tea it is. “Corio, what is this, it's such a..strange flavor?” Smiling Corio pushes the cup up to your lips again. “It gets better with taste, and old recipe Grand’mam taught me.” Downing it as fast as possible as to not offend his Grna’mam’s tea you feel yourself get light headed as the world gets blurry. “Corio, what is this..” You trail off, your words are slurred and speaking feels like a chore. Your senses are so numbed that you don’t think twice when Corio gently pushes you back against the feather pillows. “Don’t you think it’s funny that we are engaged and haven't so much as kissed yet?”

 Even through your haze you can see the way the blonde is looking at you. His eyes are hungry, like a predator eyeing up its prey. “I’ve been thinking about you like this for a long time, Y/N, by my side, taming you and your defiance.” Coriolanus slips off his shoes and begins unbuttoning his shirt as he climbs on top of you. “I’ve been eyeing you up for awhile, Y/N, before the arrangements, at the academy, the way you look in your uniform, the way you think outside of the box..” Slowly he begins shedding his shirt, his hands snaking their way up your thigh, hiking up your skirt. “And I see the way the other men in the capital look at you, young, beautiful, rich, pure as snow…you’re a very desirable girl.” He’s made his way to the top of your skirt, slowly pulling it down, leaving you in your top and lacey panties. Now shirtless, Coriolanus begins working at undoing his own pants, leaving him in nothing but boxers on top of you. You try moving your legs but they give up after a few tries. It takes all of your energy to fight to stay awake,your heads not spinning anymore, but even if you could move, Coriolanus would easily overpower you. “S-stop.” You muster out weakly, trying and failing to push him off you, your weak arms are pinned to your side quickly by his own. “I don’t like the thought of another man but your husband taking you, and I intend to fulfill my role as your husband before you retaliate.”

Using one hand, Coriolanus unbuttons your shirt, button by button you feel your cheeks heat up and a growing arousal in your panties throws you off. You had never been touched like this by anyone other than your own hands in the dead of night before. Coriolanus swears under his breath as he exposes the rest of you, eyes wandering back down to your panties. “I’ve known about you far longer than you have of me, Y/N. I’m ready to have a loving marriage w​​ith you, but you just need to accept me.” He trails off as he unclasps your bra, rambling more about how he couldn’t wait and all the long dinners with you were driving him mad. Now fully exposed and more out of it than ever you feel his hands cup your breast. His erection pressing hard against your stomach as he leans down for a desperate kiss. He’s rough, trying to take in as much of you as possible.. Panting, his hot breaths send shivers down your spine, you feel your own wetness as you feebly rub your thighs together, weakly and with as much force as you can you push on his shoulders so he is sitting up straddling you. You tell yourself it’s to get him off of you, but in reality if so he’ll give attention to the rest of your body and not just your now abused lips. Coriolanus has the eyes of a madman as he quickly sheds his boxers and pulls down your panties. Using his thumb to tease your clit, you jolt slightly. Feeling foreign hands on you was a strange yet pleasurable experience. “Corio..” your soft moan of his name made him all the more possessive of you. He wanted to only ever hear you say his name in such a way, and he wanted to hear more of it. Taking out his hard cock, he lined it up with your entrance.  Coriolanus leaned back down, kissing you much more softly as he pushed into your virgin cunt. You moan into the kiss as you feel his cock pushing into you. “God, you’re so tight, you were made for me.” He moaned, head spinning Coriolanus wasn’t sure when, but he was holding your hips down as he fucked you, the way your breast bounced and your hair fell in your face as you moaned his name in breathy gasps made his head spin. “Corio-ah, fuck, Coriolanus..” Your meek voice just made him want to fuck you harder, to draw out more symphonies of his name, to make it known to not just you, but the world that you were Y/N Snow, and nobody except him could take you this way.  In between moaning your assailant's name and begging for more, you had a few moments of clarity, where you knew this was wrong but your body betrayed you. Moving on instinct you lift your legs towards your chest, begging to take the blondes’ cock deeper into you. In Coriolanus’s mind, you were begging for him to make you his, for him to not just claim you in name, but claim a life, a life that both of you created. Slamming your hips against his own Corio could feel himself coming undone, letting out breathy moans of your name you felt his hot cum spilling inside of you, begging for your own release which soon followed. Coriolanus fell on top of you, feebly keeping himself stable above you before rolling over to look at you. Rosy cheeks and a thin sheen of sweat cover you as your hair curls and frames your face in an almost angelic way. You were exhausted, trying to think but coming up blank, the drug affect starting to weigh on you, you allow yourself to block out the blonde lying next to you and let your heavy eyes close, drifting off to an inviting deep sleep while Corio stares at you, content with himself and that you’ll never be able to leave him now, especially with the child he and you would have, tying you to him forever.

[joeyalohadream]

I just read The Boy Next Door yesterday and I’m in love with it. 😍 So I wonder if you’d be inspired to write something from that? Maybe them having ice cream on a date? Doesn’t have to be that au either, could be them after the war, anything with them having ice cream! 🍦🤭

Hi! Thanks for the prompt! I LOVE ice cream!

I'm ashamed of how slow The Boy Next Door is going, but I haven't given up on it! This helped me remember why I started that one in the first place.

Here's a little first date fic from that AU. It'll probably change a bit by the time I get to this point in the story, but this was fun to write!

Word Count: 2,146

Bucky can’t keep the smile off of his face as he walks back to where he’d parked Gale in the shade of the large maple tree at the edge of the park. As far as first dates go, Bucky feels like he’s done well. After a scenic walk through town to share the best spots with Gale, a barefoot walk on the shore of Lake Michigan to cool off and a trip through the marina to show Gale the yachts he works on, he’d decided to end it here at the lakeside park where he’d spent a lot of time in his younger years.

It hadn’t taken long for Bucky to learn that Gale has a wicked sweet tooth, and he was looking forward to watching him enjoy the ice cream cone currently dripping down his fingers.

“Surprise,” Bucky held out one of his hands to Gale, offering the treat to him with a grin.

Gale’s eyebrows raise fractionally before a small smile forms as he takes the cone from Bucky’s grasp. Bucky plops down into the grass next to him, grabs his spoon and takes a bite from the bowl he’d gotten himself.

“Cookies and cream?” Gale takes a lick of ice cream and his smile grows a bit.

“I had to guess,” Bucky shrugs, trying hard not to stare at Gale’s mouth as he licks the dessert. “We haven’t even gotten to the “what’s you favor color?” stage of our date yet, so I was going in blind on ice cream flavors too.”

“Well, you guessed right, Bucky,” Gale turned that smile on him.

“Really? That’s your favorite flavor?” Excitement coloring his tone.

“It’s a tie actually,” Gale paused, expression thoughtful. “Between this and cookie dough. I could really go either way.”

 Bucky chuckled and took another bite of his own ice cream. He looked out over the park for a moment, taking in the busy playground, the soccer game he’d probably be joining under different circumstances, the joggers at the opposite edge on the bike path. But then he turned his body to sit cross-legged facing Gale. No need for people watching when he had the most interesting person to watch within arm’s reach.

“What flavor did you get?” Gale asked him, eyeing his bowl.

“Vanilla,” Bucky tipped his bowl to show him the contents and laughed at the judgmental look that had formed on the other man’s face. “What? It’s a classic!”

“It’s boring,” Gale corrected seriously.

“I like it,” Bucky defended. “I’m not big on sweets, so this is just enough for me.”

Gale looked offended and it only made Bucky grin more.

“Why’d you want to get ice cream if you don’t like sweets?”

“’Cause you like ice cream and I like you,” Bucky winked at him, watching the smaller man duck his head to hide his smile.

“You’re sweet,” Gale said softly, looking up at Bucky.

“For you,” Bucky grinned.

They continued to eat their ice cream, the silence between them comfortable. Gale watched the people and Bucky watched Gale, feeling content and happy and warm inside.

“You feeling better?” Bucky eyed the other man. His face wasn’t as flushed as it had been when they’d left the marina and he seemed to be more at ease now. The worry he’d felt earlier when Gale had swayed a bit, face flushing beet red for a moment had caught him off guard in its intensity. Seems the soft spot he’s had for Gale since the moment he saw him coaxing a stray cat to him in a parking lot had grown much larger in the weeks that had followed.

“I feel fine, Bucky,” Gale avoided his gaze, one hand fiddling with the grass, one still gripping the cone. “Felt fine before too, we could’ve stayed at the marina longer.”

“You were over-heating Buck,” Bucky nudged him with his foot, succeeding in bringing those blue eyes back to him. “Thought you were gonna keel over for a second.”

“I should’ve brought water,” Gale shrugged. “The ice cream cured me, I’m good.”

Bucky narrowed his eyes at him, trying to find a lie until Gale sighed and rolled his eyes at him.

“I promise,” Gale held his gaze, blue eyes open and honest and Bucky smiled, satisfied.

“Alright, but I’m buying you some water before we walk back home,” Bucky informed him.

“I’m capable of buying my own water,” Gale said, shaking his head. “You bought the ice cream.”

“I asked you out on a date,” Bucky reminded him. “You’re not paying for anything today.” He could see an argument forming in Gale’s expression, so he held his hand up and continued. “When you ask me out for our second date, you can buy me whatever you want.”

The fight leaves Gale in an instant, surprise taking over his features, much to Bucky’s confusion.

“You want to go out with me again?” Gale asked.

Bucky gapes at the younger man, wanting to laugh at the ridiculousness of the question. But he noticed that Gale was sitting stiff, still looking at him with that question in his eyes. Hope too, Bucky thinks, and it makes his heart beat a little faster. How can someone so sweet, so kind have a such shit self-esteem? This man has no idea how gone on him Bucky already is.

“’Course I do, Buck,” Bucky gives him a smile. “I had at least ten dates planned out before you even agreed to one.”

Bucky takes in the charming flush that spreads across the apples of Gale’s cheeks before he ducks his head again and bites into the waffle cone in his hand.

“Okay,” Gale looks at him with a new light in his eyes. “I’ve got some good ones in mind too.”

“Looking forward to it.”

Gale polishes off his cone, and Bucky sets his bowl aside, still half full but he’s had enough of the sweet treat.

“What’s your favorite color?”

The question makes Bucky laugh.

“Blue,” he tells him. “Yours?”

“Orange,” Gale offers back. “Like a pumpkin, not like a traffic cone.”

Bucky grins, filing the information away for the future. Adding it into the little box in his mind that contains everything he’s already learned about Gale. He hopes he’ll need a bigger box; hopes he’ll get to learn it all.

“Okay, let’s get to nitty gritty stuff.”

Gale looks wary and it makes Bucky’s grin widen. His cheeks are starting to hurt from how much he’s smiled today.

“What’s your favorite pizza topping?”

“Well, now that’s too much, too fast,” Gale shakes his head, tone serious despite the mirth Bucky can see in his eyes. “A man’s entitled to his secrets.”

“Alright,” Bucky laughs. “I’ll save that one for the third date.”

“Sounds fair,” Gale huffs a quiet laugh, covering it with his hand and making Bucky melt a little in the process.

Bucky glances at his watch and sighs internally. Gale’s shift starts in two hours, and it’ll take them the better part of an hour to walk back to their apartment building.

“We should probably start heading back,” Bucky says, tone regretful. “Don’t want you to be late for work tonight.”

Gale glances at his own watch, eyes widening a bit before he nods.

“The day kinda flew by,” Gale says, smiling at Bucky. “I had fun.”

Bucky gets to his feet, grabbing his trash in one hand, reaching his other down to Gale to help him to his feet. He pulls the smaller man up and tries not to feel too disappointed when Gale lets go of his hand immediately to start brushing the grass from his pants.

“Me too,” Bucky tells him honestly. “I always have fun with you.”

The smile Gale gives him is small, but he looks happy, and Bucky is determined to make him smile as many times as possible every day from now until Gale gets sick of him.

They make their way through the grass to the paved path and Bucky shoots his ice cream bowl into a garbage can like a free throw, gives himself a victory whoop when he makes it, and relishes in the way Gale laughs at him.

Another comfortable silence falls between them as they make their way out of the park and onto the sidewalk. Bucky sees Gale glance his way a few times so he turns his head to look at him and smiles when he catches him staring.

“What?”

“Nothing,” Gale shakes his head. “Just – .”

His sentence trails off and Bucky watches as some kind of internal debate plays out behind Gale’s eyes. He’s about to check-in with him, make sure everything is alright when his hand is grabbed and then held in a loose grip. Gale isn’t looking at him anymore, watching the pavement now, but Bucky can see that his cheeks have bloomed red again and he really is the sweetest man Bucky’s ever met. His heart is fluttering away in chest because Gale is holding his hand, and this might be the best day of Bucky’s life.

Bucky turns his hand in Gale’s grasp, adjusting his grip so that he can interlock their fingers and gives the smaller hand in his a squeeze once they’re comfortably linked.

“Sorry my hand is so sweaty,” Gale apologizes, looking sheepish. Bucky squeezes his hand again and laughs.

“Mine is too, Buck.”

Gale squeezes his hand back and they continue their walk back. They chat about odd customers Gale had at work last night, the baseball game Bucky is going to be watching tonight for his podcast, Curt and Ken’s latest antics. Hands entwined and swaying gently between them the entire time.

When they get back to the apartment they take the elevator up, the air conditioning feeling like bliss after being out in the summer heat for hours. He takes in Gale’s sweaty face and feels awful for a moment as a thought hits him.

“Shit,” he breathes out as reaches out with his free hand and brushes the sweaty bangs off Gale’s forehead, not missing the way the smaller man’s breath hitches a bit at the intimate contact. “I forgot to get you a bottle of water.”

Gale smiles at him and rolls his eyes just as the elevator door opens. He tugs Bucky’s hand and pulls him into the hallway and a moment later, they’re at Gale’s door and Bucky wishes the walk had been longer.

“Told you I’m fine, Bucky,” Gale tells him. “Stop fussin’, I’ll drink some water before I go to work.”

“That kitchen is going to be ninety degrees, make sure you drink water at work too.”

The look Gale gives him makes Bucky raise a hand in surrender.

“And I’ll stop fussin’ now.”

“Thanks for today,” Gale rocks back on his heels as he says it. “I’m really glad we did this.”

Bucky squeezes his hand one more time before letting him go. He misses his sweaty palm immediately.

“Me too. And the answers yes to whatever you want to do for our second date. So don’t get nervous and over think it. This is me already agreeing to it.”

Gale huffs out a laugh.

“Noted,” Gale says around his smile. He looks up at Bucky for a moment before he leans forward and Bucky’s heart skips in his chest. Soft, warm lips press against his cheek for a brief moment and Bucky can’t keep the dopey grin off his face. He reaches up and pinches Gale’s chin between his thumb and index finger, then lets his hand fall.

“Have fun at work, Buck.”

“See you later, John.”

As Gale goes to open his door, Bucky sighs and turns to head back to the elevator. He’s already got a shopping list growing in his head: Gatorade, cookie dough ice cream, cookies and cream ice cream, waffle cones, cake cones, etc. Gale’s voice stops his steps right before he reaches the elevator doors.

“Where are you going?”

“Grocery store run,” Bucky pushes the down arrow and turns to meet Gale’s amused expression.

“What’d you come all the way up here for then?”

“I wanted to walk you to your door,” he says with a shrug and a smile.

Gale smiles back at him, and Bucky thinks he looks fond. The elevator dings and opens behind him.

“You’re ridiculous.”  

He gets into the lift and presses the ground floor button.

“I wanted to hold your hand for as long as I could,” he shouts down the hall as the elevator door closes. He didn’t get to see Gale’s reaction to that, but he’s willing to bet he’d made him blush again. The thought makes him smile.

He leans back against the cool metal wall, relishing the air conditioning and contemplates the odds that he can convince Gale to join him on the balcony after work tonight for another ice cream cone.

[fatefulfaerie]

a huge congratulations on the 1K followers, how amazing! 🥳🥳

for the prompt, (botw!) Zelda discovers something unexpected about Link, and celebrates it in the best way she can. Any rating is cool. Have fun and write something that makes you happy. 🤗

A YEAR AND A HALF LATER

I apologize for being SO LAZY about getting around to this I honestly have no excuse. Was super fun when I finally got around to it! And yes, as promised, it is exactly 1,000 words.

Attraction

Princess Zelda had become no more than a tourist attraction. If Hyruleans were lucky, they were at the cathedral on a day where the princess was actively praying to the second-largest goddess statue in Hyrule. If you sit and wait, maybe she'll awaken her power right in front of you.

Guests weren't allowed to talk, but she could always hear their whispers. This was a cathedral far more grand than even the Temple of Time, and thus far more proficient at producing echoes. If they weren't whispering about the grandiose architecture, they were whispering about her. 

Sometimes they would comment at her elegance, the way she knelt without moving, whether it was really her or just another statue. Most of the time it was the disappointed "let's move on" from tourists who had opted to sit and see if the sealing power would indeed awaken for their waiting eyes.

However, Zelda could tell that days spent praying in the cathedral weren't grueling for only her.

Link had to deal with all of this whilst standing.

"Are your feet okay?" She asked once, on their way back to the castle. "From all the standing?"

Link shrugged, his standard response.

Zelda didn't know how to help him even if he had complained. It was like they were performing roles on a stage. How else will Hyrule know that the princess is seeking out her birthright sealing power and her knight attendant has the Master Sword in hand and at the ready?

But surely he must have been bothered. There was one time when Zelda saw him coming out of her father's study uncharacteristically miffed. Did he complain to the King? What came of it? He still had his job, though. Not that you could dismiss the knight who pulled the sword that seals the darkness.

"Can I ask..." Zelda prompted. "What did you talk to my father about?"

Link didn't answer at first, continuing to walk at his same stride. It was as if he didn't hear her, but she knew he did.

"Was it about the cathedral?" She continued. "Did you ask for a chair? That's not unreasonable."

"I asked for us to stop going to the cathedral."

It was sudden, and Zelda found herself surprised at how forward that was of him. Going to the cathedral was not only seen as progress towards activating the sealing power, but also a large part of their public presence.

"I...I'm sorry, what?"

Link stopped and turned.

"I'm tired, Zelda."

Zelda's heart sank.

"Is it your feet? Your back? This is why I asked."

"No, not tired like that I..."

Link looked around a tad before stepping closer.

"Don't you hear them?" He whispered. "The way they talk about you? It's not right."

Zelda needed to stop for a second, to parse the sincerity in his face and make sure she was understanding. She scanned his eyes, his brow, the way it creased in rising anger. She opened her mouth to respond and nothing came out.

"Your father doesn't like it either," Link continued in her silence. "But there wasn't much he could do. Well, he could do a lot but-"

"You went to my father because you're tired of the gossip-mongers?"

Link nodded.

If it wouldn't add more fuel to the fire, she would have kissed him. A month ago she was asking for another knight attendant and now she'd come to realize she likely had the very best one.

Zelda hugged him, and it was like Link had never been hugged before the way he stumbled back with his arms out. Eventually, he reciprocated. Holding her to him.

Link had barely gotten used to it before Zelda enthusiastically ripped herself from the hug and took his hand.

“Come on,” she said, with a malicious smirk Link didn’t trust. “I have an idea.”

Link was tugged along, forced to start at an awkward pace that was partly walking and partly jogging as Zelda went into the heart of Castle Town.

“Zelda this is not a good idea,” Link said at half a whisper as they passed the fountain, citizens starting to spot and recognize them. 

He could only imagine the fire that would run rampant tomorrow, the flame-like gossip that Zelda and Link were shirking their goddess-given duties. Two teenagers acting their age had the potential to throw the entire kingdom into disarray.

Zelda led Link to turn around a corner regardless. She knocked without hesitation on a homely wooden door and Link inhaled to forewarn her that it was very late in the night and that she couldn’t just–

“Your Highness!” The woman who had opened the door looked honored, yet no stars struck her face. She was used to the presence of the princess. “Come in! Come in!”

Link barely got a glimpse of the forty-something brunette before she had flocked to a kettle, readying tea for the princess and her guest.

“I was hoping you could do some work on Link here,” Zelda said, not needing to project her voice very far across the small hovel. 

“Work?” Link asked nervously. “What do you mean work? I need work?”

“I’m assuming this is the knight attendant you’ve told me all about,” the woman said, coming over with a tray that boasted a particularly ornate teapot and three teacups.

“I’m talked about?”

“Yes, he is,” Zelda said, pointedly letting Link flounder in confusion. “I can pay his way if needed.”

She shook her head

“It’s my honor to massage the knight with the sword that seals the darkness.”

“Massage?” Link parsed. “A massage?”

“Tavra comes up to the castle bimonthly to massage me as well as the King,” Zelda explained. “She also massages walk-ins here at her home. I figured it might help. Surely you have a lot of tension.” 

The idea of Zelda describing his muscles in any way made him blush, and Link agreed to get massaged so that he’d have a chance to hide it from the princess.

[sophieinwonderland]

im a bit nervous to say this cause i really dont involve myself in tulpa discourse other than stating im accepting of tulpas, but its my understanding in life that people can't own actions. yes certain cultures and religions may have their specific way of doing something and make it their own, but that doesn't mean they own that action, they own the way they do the action. (im using own kinda liberally im not trying to imply they have some sort of legal ownership lol) but so with tibetan buddhist tulpamancy (i cant for the life of me remember the word they actually use) they dont own the concept of creating another entity in your mind or "self" but they do own the way they do it and their beliefs attached to it. im trying to relate this to something but i cant think of any analogies that would be as specific as this, and i dont want any anti-tulpas to see my general example and think im comparing to very different things.

Yeah, I think tulpacourse can be pretty difficult to wade through sometimes. Personally, I'm not entirely sure I even agree with the concept of owning your own beliefs. Even in a figurative way. Aside from, maybe, actually totally closed cultures.

I see beliefs as things that are meant to be shared, adapted, or sometimes even torn apart and scavenged for scraps. And sometimes, I do think the way these things happen might be offensive to some people who feel connected to them.

I don't really feel like this applies in the case of tulpamancy at all because I think it's so far divorced from Tibetan Buddhism as to not share any beliefs with it whatsoever.

But this was something I thought about a lot during the whole thing about God being plural. Because there, I'm playing directly with people's very sacred and personal beliefs. And I'm doing so in a way that some people are going to find offensive.

And the thing I decided is that... I don't feel like Christians have ownership over their beliefs. Not in a way that they would get to dictate who can use them or how they're used.

Yes, they can complain if they find something offensive or blasphemous. And some will do that very loudly. But I don't think I should feel obligated to avoid offending people either.

Especially when Christianity is itself based on Judaism. In fact, basically every old religion is a permutation of a permutation of a permutation, dating back thousands of years to religions which would look very differently from anything that's practiced today.

And I also think again on certain practices that some might consider offensive, such as the conversation on Godspouses where some people believe they both can communicate and marry certain deities. I don't see that people from those religions have any sort of right to police the beliefs of others. They can be offended by godspouses if they want. But that doesn't mean the godspouses are somehow in the wrong for their beliefs and experiences nor should they feel obligated to change how they worship and connect to their deities to please others.

...

As a side note, there was another fun note to come out of the tulpa AMA that I wanted to share. Michael Lifshitz is working with a scholar of Tibetan Buddhism to write an article on the practice tulpamancy was based on, going over texts that have never been translated to English!

So that's something pretty cool to look forward to! 😁

[olderthannetfic]

Tumblr seems to be sliding in a downward spiral, and it feels like the start of the end of a fandoming era for me. I've been through it before; platforms are born then die, and life fandom finds a way. I'm just not looking forward to floundering for a bit, and dreading what the next hub will look like.

AO3 isn't really a place geared or meant for the same thing, and that's fine. My only fandom-related activity took place on AO3 only for a few years between my leaving LJ and joining Tumblr, and I lived ;-) But during that time, I was my own little island in fandom. Reading, leaving a few comments, not being super active. It's only when I found a community again that I was back to being really active in fandom once more.

And it's not that I actually use Tumblr to post about myself, but I do use it to read and reblog cool things - art, gifsets, science stuff, discovering new fandoms, and the like. I'm not sure where else I could find my people, with sameish purposes. The other sites I've tried didn't fill that niche in a way that suited me, in part because of how they look and work, in part because of who and what is(n't) there.

I have DW & PF accounts just to be safe, but I'm not very fond of group chats Discord-style - and without Tumblr, IDK how I'd even hear of new communities where I might pop in once in a while, loins girdled and everything. The micro-blogging platforms are not what I'm looking for either. Sure, I can follow a few DW comms and blogs; I already occasionally do and I will be more consistent about it if I must.

But one of my greatest fear is that the next platform will be phone-based, app-only, or some such BS - and that is something I just won't be able to deal with. Phones are tiny, it's uncomfortable to write anything, I don't like touch screen and much, much prefer a proper keyboard and a mouse (copy-pasting on a screen? (x_x) << it me), art/pics are too small to properly appreciate, a phone isn't comfy to hold for a long time for me, and the app system means you have no control over anything as a user… and that anything there must be Apple Approved, dick-free, blood-free, and tasteless. And I say this as someone who's pretty much uninterested in sex IRL or in my entertainment ;-) I still support and want the tits, the gore, the everything, and as long as I have the tools to curate - oh, wait. Curate things myself? That's not something that's popular these days, is it? It's not going to generate money, if I'm happy ;-)

So… I guess I'll play some more on Neocities, and see if anyone wants to have webrings again? (it would be fun and nostalgic, but not really viable on a large scale; people who haven't known those would just laugh and point and go on the InstaTok of the time).

So here is my little cane-waving rant of the day! I know things evolve and change and that in ten years I'll be rolling my eyes at my moping. It's only that I feel tired of moving from one shitty platform to another, of fearing I won't adapt (or more accurately won't want to adapt given the annoyance/benefit ratio) to whichever new place things will move in a few years. It's saying goodbye to a former home, moving, and hoping you'll make another home elsewhere kind of sniffles today!

--

We already know the next platform. It has been Discord for a few years now.

If you want the one after Discord, I think you're looking at waiting things out for quite a few years (or until Discord makes a major misstep as a company).

True, real time chat is not for everyone, but small discords with well-chosen channels can operate more asynchronously. Just like a lot of people who hated the look of Tumblr early on eventually capitulated, a lot of chat haters have jumped ship to Discord already.

Realistically, 90% of fandom always goes where the action is, no matter how much they claim the features make that space impossible, and 10% disappears.

We might get the 10% back on the next platform or they might leave fandom for good. There were LJ-haters who resurfaced post LJ era.

But as for where you'll find out where people are... probably AO3 author's notes.

[slightlystupidhun]

Niente

Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5

A band AU I’m writing! Sorry if it’s bad! There is no magic in this universe, just music! @puffin-smoke did an amazing Redacted Band AU that you should check out too!

Niente; To nothing; indicating a diminuendo which fades completely away…

It was a cool fall evening in the shaw household, the lights of the house emitting a warm feeling from the outside. It had been half a year since Gabriel Shaw took Tank in. Their parents had dropped them off to study with David and just never came to pick them up. Tank remembers so vividly how the phone rang, and rang, and rang but no one picked up. Gabe refused to let them leave on their own so he took them in, they were just a few months away from turning 18.

Tank had not intended to join the “family” band either. It was more of something that happened to them. One day while paroling the house they saw that one of David's old electric guitars was left out in the living room. The black guitar with red paint splattered on it, giving the impression of blood, was so appealing to Tank they simply couldn't resist. They had practiced acoustic guitar, but had little experience on electric. They only remembered what little their father taught them when he attempted to play, the instrument never sounding right in his hands.

They picked it up, it was already plugged into the amp, and looked around the room. Pausing for a moment, waiting to hear if anyone had come into the house, they were pleased to find that they were still home alone. David and Gabe left for a meeting for their band. David was the drummer, Asher was the singer, and Milo played bass. Their old electric guitarist, Asher's sister, left for a different band. The first few notes they strummed on the guitar sent electricity through their veins. They strummed again, becoming obsessed with the sound. It fully represented them, their thoughts, feelings, their whole being. They began strumming out the chords to an AC/DC song their dad tried playing, thunderstruck. It was the a simple standard they knew how to play on electric.

The music soared from the guitar and filled the room. Tank started playing with the strings and improving their own melodies. They were so wrapped up in the song that they didn't hear Gabe and David enter the house. They didn't see the pair walk into the living room. The sound enveloping the house was completely theirs, like they owned the instrument. No one could replicate the way they played. Even if they weren't perfect at it they were still so alluring.

As Tank strummed the last chord on the guitar, Gabe stepped forward and applauded. Their head snapped up, fiery eyes meeting his warm ones. A slight blush spread across their face and they quickly stepped away and set the guitar on the soft green couch next to them.

“I… I… sorry…” They mumbled out. “I wont touch it again…”

“No! Don’t say sorry. In fact, you were quite good. Ever played before now kid?” Gabe asked moving over to pick up David's old guitar.

“No… not really. I mean I've been playing acoustic guitar a little, or I used to with my da… with you know.” They kicked their feet on the hardwood floor..

“Well my band is looking for a guitarist. I'm sure Dad would be willing to teach you. He taught Asher's sister.” David said, nudging Tanker with his shoulder.

“Me?” Tank asked.

“Absolutely! I will! You’re in the band Tank!” Gabe cheers as he wraps an arm around Tank. “I’ll start teaching you tomorrow.”

That is how they ended up where they were now. On a large stage opening for a band that Tank has been a fan of for a while now. They were called Tooth&Fang. Tank was practically in love with Quinn, the lead singer. He was attractive and very, very charismatic.

As their set came to a close as David rattled the symbol one final time. The whole band waved as Asher yelled out one final time.

“Thank you everyone! We are DxW! You have a good night!” He and the band ran off stage, high fiving one another. Tank stood on the outside avoiding the three’s cheers.

“Hello~” A sly voice spoke into Tank's ear. Tanks eyes widened, immediately recognizing the voice. They pivoted to see the mischievous grin on the face of Quinn Fox, the lead singer they're practically in love with. “Well aren't you, a spitfire. You played that electric like a star, precious.”

Tank was on cloud nine. Quinn even offered to meet them in his dressing room after the show.

“No.” David said, crossing his arms and leaning against the wall in the alley way. The band was packing their equipment up in their van.

“What? Why not? He literally just wants to meet up!” Tank pleaded, waving their arms about.

“No. No super famous 28 year old rockstar wants to meet with a 19 year old, just to chat and hang out. I've heard about his reputation…”

“But you haven't seen his reputation have you. You haven't experienced it first hand. You have no idea whether or not it's true!” They pointed their finger into David's chest, knowing it would irritate him.

“Tank. No. And get your finger off my chest dumbass.” David's eyes lit up with anger.

“I'm going. I am 19 fucking years old. I am old enough to choose what I am gonna do with and where I am going to spend my time.” They pivoted on their heels and began walking back inside.

“Tank stop!” David yelled at them before crossing his arms and standing firm. “I’ll tell Dad.”

Those three words stopped Tanker in their tracks. Was he serious? He was going to rat on them and play tattle tail. Furrowing their brows and balling their hands into fists they walked back over to David. “I hate you.”

The next two days the only time Tank spoke to David was if he directed them to do something in the band. They were pissed off at him. How the hell was he able to control what they did? And the fact that he threatened them with telling Gabe. They continued to ignore him and mope around until their phone buzzed. They looked at their instagram feed and saw a message from Quinn_The_Vamp.

[eurovision-del]

Portugal start their Eurovision selection tonight with the first semi final of Festival da Canção. This is another national final I always look forward to, so what did I make of this year's songs?

iolanda – Grito

João Borsch – Pelas Costuras

Rita Rocha – Pontos Finais

Bispo – Casa Portuguesa

MELA – Água

Huca – Pé de Choro

Rita Onofre – Criatura

Perpétua – Bem Longe Daqui

Nena – Teorias da Conspiração

Mila Dores – Afia a Língua

No Maka ft. Ana Maria – Aceitar

João Couto – Quarto Para Um

Maria João – Dia

LEFT. – Volto a Ti

Léo Middea – Doce Mistério

Buba Espinho – O Farol

FILIPA – You Can’t Hide

Cristina Clara – Primavera

Silk Nobre – Change

NOBLE – Memory

I generally enjoyed this selection – writing up a few notes on each song as I listen to help me rank them, the word I used more than any other was ‘interesting’ – usually as a compliment but occasionally not so much. However, aside from a couple of songs at the bottom that did not work for me, I enjoy the vast majority of songs here, but two stand out above the rest.

My absolute favourite is Grito. This is a fantastic song, dramatic without being melodramatic, sombre but never dull. I love the way it progresses, from the completely a cappella opening (which will be impressive if she can nail it live) building up to a climax on the titular cry at the end of the bridge, before drawing back for an ending that summarises the melancholic tone of the whole song. I love the melody on the chorus, the little repeated ‘ainda arde’ is beautiful and sticks in my mind. The overall sound here has an almost cinematic quality with the orchestration, it feels powerful, but also haunting at the same time. It’s a brilliant example of the sort of ballad I love.

I also really like Pelas Costuras – I knew I would before João even started singing with that guitar intro and immediate pulsing beat. It’s a very cool sound, and the descending melody gives it this dark colour which I love. I like the way it’s been produced, it’s got this gritty quality to it while also sounding polished and complete, and I love the tone of João’s vocals on the studio cut.

I really want one of those two to win. While there are plenty of other songs I enjoy, those two are so far ahead of the rest of the pack for me I’ll miss them if something else wins. Of course, my opinions could change if either fails to deliver live, but I’m really hoping they can both pull it off. Looking at the whole competition, the semis are really unbalanced in terms of how much I like the songs in each – in my entire top 10 there's only two from the second semi – not a great place to be in cause it means I'm definitely gonna loose some songs I like tonight, but on the other hand it means I’ve got a lot to look forward to in the show itself!

[dietraumerei]

Weekly Writing and Reading Update

Hello, the start of the Long Dark is upon me, which means I just want to sleep and read and then sleep some more in my dark little apartment. I'm not unhappy, just...restful. Which is great, but also I need to go grocery shopping and just, ew. Work was also exhausting this past week, so I am hoping the coming week is better, and I will feel like getting up and about a bit next weekend. (Also I'm getting a tattoo done next Sunday, so that'll be cool to look forward to!)

All of which is to say that in all ways but physical I am a small piece of moss on the forest floor, and I'm not mad about it.

Writing

Honestly I did nothing this week. It feels like overkill to say I burned out, but I simply...did not want to write, so I didn't. My mojo is starting to creep back, but it was awfully nice to just read the New Yorker of a morning.

That said, I finally posted the first chapter of Yet Another New AU, and I'm really pleased with this ranging story. I think I'll post updates once a week or two; I want to take my time writing this, and it's been nice feeling like I have time to proofread and rewrite as I go; I already had to start over once because I accidentally made Dily unlikeable, lol.

Anyway, here it is:

Beginnings

Reading

I finished When the Angels Left the Old Country after @lesbrarian recommended it and it might be my favorite book I've read this year? Top five, certainly -- it's tense and beautiful and funny and full of love and very Jewish, and it just filled me with joy to read, even the sad parts. The comparisons to Good Omens are unavoidable, but really I find it a very different story in a lot of ways, although certainly with connections. I adored it, and it's one of those books I can't wait to re-read. Also every time I think about the angel too much I want to cry, but in a good way.

I also -- finally, after many breaks -- finished The Path the Power, the first volume of Caro's LBJ biography. Oh my god, this book. THIS BOOK. The next time I do this I'm going to update every week on what I learned that week because there is just so much in this tome. I want to visit the Pedernales, but not in summer. The description of grass-growing was riveting. The descriptions of the lives of the farmwives before electrification was riveting (and horrific). The play-by-play for elections in the forties literally kept me up past my bedtime. And I have not even touched on Pappy O'Daniel (a real person!! who was apparently toned down CONSIDERABLY for O Brother Where Art Thou) or Lady Bird or how Caro more than once makes sure to mention that Johnson had a dumptruck ass.

Anyway, Lyndon was a vote-buying absolute fucking weirdo from birth and his mother was just as weird and his father was fascinating and I'm a little in love with Sam Rayburn. Do not let either the Old White Man History or the fact that this book is a fucking doorstop stop you, this is a masterpiece and I see why it won a Pulitzer. (whoops, looks like it was another volume that won the Pulitzer) I cannot wait to read the other volumes, which I estimate will take me about a year per book, but worth it!

[queeenpersephone]

I know you already wrote Endgame by taylor for tonynat buuut how about something inspired by "you've been calling my bluff on all my usual tricks so here's the truth from my red lips"? love your writing <3

hi love! so you're right, i did, and so i'm going to answer your prompt in a roundabout way (by spoiling that fic a little) hope you don't mind! here's part one of my end game fic <3

one.

O U R P R E S E N T F U T U R I S T

By Karen Page

“Mr. Stark, thank you for joining me this morning.”

The man himself, Anthony Edward Stark, sits across from me, legs crossed. His suit is neatly pressed, his hair perfect. There is a faint bruise along his jaw, but considering his latest fight is available on YouTube, I have no need to ask. He is riding on an immense victory of another kind, the revised Sokovia Accords having just been successfully pushed through the UN.

“The pleasure is all yours,” he snarks, but a quick grin that quirks at the edge of his mouth tells me it is in jest. The words are flirty, but his eyes stay either on mine or on his phone, which fills up with more messages every minute - I feel almost guilty keeping him, a feeling that I assure you is unfamiliar. It is almost surreal to be with the man who, for better or worse, ushered in the era of public superheroes in which we now live. I tell him so.

He doesn’t look surprised, instead giving me a wry, self-deprecating grin. “That sounds cool, doesn’t it? Really, I just can’t keep my damn mouth shut.”

“You have said a lot of controversial things over the years.”

Tony laughs, and it is contagious. I can’t help but smile back. “Yeah, well put me down as on the straight and narrow, will you?”

The Accords, I know, have to be a sore point, but I wouldn’t be doing my job if I didn’t mention them. “You were the first signer of the Sokovia Accords. Do you ever regret the ‘straight and narrow,’ as you put it?”

Tony straightens a little, but his cool confidence remains. “The Accords have been subjected to a very thorough revising process, managed by two people I’d trust with my life.” He pauses, and I let him. “There are a lot of things I won’t say,” he tells me finally, “but no, I don’t regret it. We have a responsibility, and however we can fulfill it… well…”

“What do you mean?”

Tony thinks, then a soft smile crosses his face. “If we have one hand on the wheel,” he says, a level to his tone that makes me think he is quoting someone, “we can still steer.”

I decide to act on my hunch. “Your words?”

“Good catch,” he laughs. “No, the words of a woman far wiser than me.” He fumbles a little with his hands, twisting a plain, black ring on his fifth finger.

“And how is Miss Romanoff?” My hunches have not failed me yet. “Is she in the city?”

I am asking, of course, about his famous partner, the Black Widow. After a very public kiss on the tails of the Accords announcement, the media has been going crazy to discover the hows, whens, and whys of the whole affair. Details of their relationship are extremely rare, so I resolve to tread carefully.

“That’s classified,” he jokes, and though it is said as a joke, I also think it was the most serious thing he has said in the interview thus far. I would bet money that this man would not reveal his girlfriend’s location, even under the most extreme torture.

It’s clear that this line of investigation is not going to go anywhere, so I switch tracks. “How are these Accords different from the original documents, Mr. Stark?”

He just raises an eyebrow. “Read them, if you want to know,” he brushes off. Then he leans forward. “I care about my team - we’re gonna stick together because you never know when we’ll be needed. And that would be impossible with the way the Accords were written before the revisions.”

I nod. This isn’t new information. Many suspect that Tony Stark takes every opportunity to tell the public that the Avengers are needed, whole and ready to protect the Earth, so that his lost team members will know they are welcome back whenever they are ready.

“And are the Avengers ready? If they are needed?”

I don’t know why I expected Stark to take a while to answer this question, but it surprises me when he abandons his glances at his still-blowing-up phone, looking me straight in the eyes. I don’t even have written notes from this portion of the interview. I was completely captured by the man in front of me. He seems larger than life.

“The Avengers will always come together to defend the Earth. No matter how difficult it is. That’s the end game.” He leans back, and I do the same, released from that intensity, letting out an obvious exhale. Tony Stark just smirks, and in that moment, I realize that the Black Widow must be the only one who could ever handle him.

Still, he grins at me, and I smile back, immediately at ease when he wants me to be. “But my job is to make it as easy as possible. Thank you, Ms. Page.”

I know a dismissal when I hear one. And, without protest (which is very unlike me), I stand up and go.

(read more on page 4)

[jinx-on-mars-19xx]

Oh look! Another anon bully! Fuuuun 😂 Don't worry I blocked them but I thought this was too good to ignore!

Is it the trans thing making them say this? That I write fanfiction? Or just my looks? I'm confused but let's have some fun, yeah? I'm really not into sex shaming in ANY way.

The thing is, I've had way more than I probably should have and maybe this can be a helpful lesson here. I was actually really nervous posting that game, but y'all know I like to be honest with y'all just in case it can help!

I spent a long time hiding who I was to myself and everyone else. I'm mostly gray-ace besides fantasy, meaning I rarely actually enjoy myself but that's a scary thing to admit because it's so misunderstood and frowned upon. After being assaulted as a teenager and coming from a religious background I truly thought I was ruined. I won't go into the shame or the suicide attempts here because that's not what this is about but it was a very bad time for me. Especially after I miscarried a few months later. (Which by the way- Sept-Dec is the anniversary of all this so this was a PERFECT time of year for this BS)

It took me a few years to feel comfortable dating after that but when I did it was a boy that had issues with his parents so my parents allowed him to live under our roof. I was still having a lot of nightmares at the time so I was on heavy sedatives. One night my boyfriend at the time realized he could use that to his advantage. He wasn't the first obviously and he wasn't the last. I've been assaulted by multiple partners over my teen and young adult years. But because of that- I started sleeping with people before they could force or bully me into it and I went a little wild for about a decade.

I answered that game honestly, but not every answer was something I was happy to be a part of. Most of my experiences were bad. This bully was right in fact, I haven't had sex in a long time because I choose not to. When I do again it will be as my real self, with a deep and loving connection. I didn't used to have sex for love, I had sex to keep people around, to keep myself safe, or to try and feel something. I don't suggest it to anyone and I hope all of your sex lives are incredible and loving and safe.

I genuinely don't know if they were trying to say I couldn't get sex because that was never my problem and I hated it. It made me incredibly uncomfortable. If they don't like the looks of me then good for them, but I don't know why that was supposed to hurt me. I'm a grown adult with a past I'm not always proud of and so many stories I hope never get out. I'm also a trans guy that barely passes unless you're into fem boys so if you don't like me- that's cool! I rarely do either but that doesn't mean I won't post pics when I find a little confidence.

All of this isn't said to shame anyone else, if you can't tell, I'm totally happy there are people in the world who love consensual sex (Dom and Kells are wild boys and I love them), I'm just saying my experience is filled with a lot of darkness and very little light. I'm looking forward to having a healthy consensual loving relationship someday but it will be as myself and until I can have that I'm choosing not to do anything else. When I finally started saying no to my ex it was one of the proudest moments of my life and knowing I'm finally emotionally strong enough to protect myself feels incredible.

But I'm sure this was just trying to imply I'm unattractive or a loser so I probably should have just focused on that. Oh no! I'm so hurt! My nonexistent pride is wounded 💔 I must now shut up for good about everything! Honestly whatever is wrong with them that makes them need to hurt others I feel very sorry for. I hope they feel better soon and I hope all of you have a lovely day! I wish you all incredible loving relationships, whether with a partner, multiple partners, or just yourself! Stay safe! Love you all 🖤

[superheroclock]

The Super Hero Clock Story And Pusheen's Valentine

-Posted on the original website on: February 20, 2019

After the HTTYD anime video I was really looking forward and excited about continuing the SHC series story and maybe write another episode or two, and maybe even start working on episode 3. But then, it was late December. It was the regular year-end holiday season with big holidays like New Year's Day, Lunar New Year and Valentine's Day happening in a row from then until mid February. Out of these holidays, one of them has been on my watch for years - Valentine's Day.

I've always wanted to do a Valentine's day video but had not been able to come up with a suitable story for a Valentine's Day animation. I even thought of a romantic spin-off of the story of St. Valentine and how Valentine's Day started back in the day but I did not go with that because I had doubts about that one. It was kinda a meh-ish lame anime imo tbh. However, this Valentine's, I finally came up with (or could I say found) the perfect Valentine's Day story for the occasion - Pusheen's Valentine.

I know it doesn't sound epic or cool or anything, and you might think it's childish, but it was the perfect idea, I think, because Pusheen is an adorable figure and I found out that people do get Pusheen merchandise as Valentine's Day gifts. That was when I decided that my Valentine's Day special animation would be about Pusheen the Cat's Valentine. Valentine's only happens once a year. It was either now or wait for another year. I went with the former and the next one and half months was officially the first animation crunch time of 2019, which explains why there is still no new Super Hero Clock stuff. However, while animating Pusheen's Valentine, I snuck in some shades of SHC characters in the Pusheen world. If you guys have watched the video and know the SHC characters, you might have noticed them.

Honestly, I did that because I was too lazy to come up with custom character designs for the humans in the video which were not a crucial part of it. Besides, it just feels unfair for the SHC fans that there hasn't been any substantial new SHC stuff since episode 2. So yea. I'm just doing a Pusheen fan animation. Why not?

And hey I even did a wardrobe cameo! (You'll only notice if you've watched SHC episode 2 tho.)

So now that those holidays are done for the year, (hopefully) I can sit down and work on the Super Hero Clock story. It's gonna be a good relief from working on the past two fan animations because there will be no round animals or dragons that behave like dogs. Personally, I'm much more comfortable with human designs and the anime genre. While I continue the SHC story, enjoy the cuteness!

Oh and by the way, if you've read my previous blog post or have completely missed, I published this on Youtube during Christmas. Check it.

[monkberryfields]

wow, godspeed with the 20 page paper!! what are you writing on? i saw that you study history, so do you have any particular time period or anything that you specialize in? it's always so interesting hearing the details of what other people study, it's like a whole other world! :)

i'm an english major so i read a lot for class and unfortunately don't have a whole lot of extra time to read for pleasure. i just finished a book called the hungry tide by amitav ghosh for class, and it was really interesting! it took me a little bit to get used to the writing style, but once i did i didn't want to put it down! i've been slowly working my way through queen in cornwall by rupert white, which looks at queen drummer roger taylor's early bands in cornwall and how queen returned there (to capitalize off his earlier success) for some of their early tours, and i've also started michael nesmith's autobiography, which is a quick read so far bc he's a wonderful writer. it's really impressive to me that you find time to read so many books for pleasure, and the beatles books are definitely something exciting to look forward to! what are some of your favorite books you've read so far this year?

if i could travel back in time, i would definitely go to queen's november 1974 concert at the rainbow in london! i have it on dvd, and the energy in the room seems so amazing, plus their earlier albums are my favorites, so the set list is a total dream for me!! what about you??

bye for now, i hope you have a great weekend and that your end of the semester is going well!! -🦋

I'm currently writing a paper for a class all about food history which I didn't expect to like so much, and I decided to write about the Irish potato famine which I've researched before in depth. I like to study modern European history for the most part with specialization in Western Europe/British/Irish history. Anything from the 18th century to the modern day I like, and I really like studying obscure things in history, too, so I'm sort of a jack of all trades. Although, I was talking with one of my professors recently and they suggested I try to do music history since I (obviously) have a passion for it. I may take their advice!

I have an English degree under my belt, too! I loved learning about British literature after 1800, and I read some cool books in another class all about fiction throughout history which was fun. I also took a class on horror and sci-fi literature which was neat. Also, those books sound awesome! I'm always looking to branch out in terms of reading stuff about other bands, so let me know how you like the books! So far this year, my top book is Britney Spears' memoir. I can't recommend it enough!!! I also read Man on the Run by Tom Doyle which is about Paul during the time of Wings and a little bit afterwards, and I thought it was super neat! I really liked that one a lot.

That would be a neat thing to go back to! :) I like Queen a lot and I think that would be so cool to see them perform live. I think I would be with you in the same boat, I would like to either time travel back to a concert or go back in time to see how things were in a specific time. I want to see Wings perform live during their Wings Across America tour or see the Talking Heads perform live in the 80s just to see David Byrne in his big suit doing his thing. But if I were just to go back in time and observe a place, I want to see how things were in Swinging Sixties London for the bright colors and fashion.

And I am having a great weekend so far! Thank you!! :)) I'm rooting for the both of us to do well in these final weeks/days of the semester! We got this!! I believe in us!! Have a great day, santa!

[neonapocalypta]

(Mostly) First Impressions of Eternal Filena

CONTEXT: Another thread repost from my twitter during my original batch of Takeshi Shudo stuff I watched while being ill in March. Of course, these are edited for any grammar and anything that didn't need to be there w/ hindsight. This time, I actually had to add stuff in the form of notes. I gotta get back on this watch, I've just been down so many rabbit holes this year. I had also watched cosmos pink shock, but never got around to talking about it despite loving it. I look forward to talking about these shows more someday. (And pretty soon for one of them...)

---

I knew getting ahold of a lot of Takeshi Shudo's early work was gonna be a challenge, but at least according to Wikipedia he did a lot of uncredited work throughout the early 70s. What a shame, even if it seems like he was just a helping hand.

Lucky for me I guess I've seen enough of the guy's work that I can usually tell what he might have written. He has a distinct style from what I've sampled so far. [NEW NOTE: This is in relation to some of the earliest shows he worked on as a writer. I had been having trouble finding his proper credit online for individual episodes he wrote. I had watched those before watching these ovas. During these shows I'd just have to watch an ep and guess if he'd pop up in the credits. I was right pretty much every time. What a nice memory.]

So far, my favs are Radio City Fantasy and Eternal Filena. Radio is a cute love story in twist with a drug trip. Filena is also a love story about two people that have to come together and make shit work.

Filena has 3 versions. The light novel (I can't read it.) the game, and the anime that was never completed. The anime is still worth watching, it has some cool visuals and frankly I love Lila and Filena a lot, so its an added bonus for me. I'm not sure which version is closer to Shudo's LN. My guess would be the anime since it seems like he had more involvement in the writing, but I'm only guessing. The game feels almost has a road trip vibe and is quicker paced compared to the anime.

I know the claim about Prof Ivy being a Lesbian was debunked recently, so its cool to be able to say Takeshi Shudo has written a lesbian couple. I know there's talk about Filena being a trans man, and I think that's valid. Though it seems like this is mostly talked about from the perspective of the game, where their character is written a bit different than the show. (Less openly affectionate, more traditionally masculine personality)

Also, if Filena is a trans the ending of the game is pretty terrible then, forcing them to wear a dress when they don't want to. (Aka forcing them to conform to women gender roles in this case.) I'm not saying that's why I think Filena isn't trans, I'm saying if they are, that's a really shitty ending for a trans guy. Epesh bc Lila, their partner, is making them wear it.

My guess is that Shudo intended them to be a lesbian couple. Rn having access to the novels would be really helpful. If you've never read a Shudo novel, at the least the Pokemon ones are written a lot different than most books. Most people would say he's a terrible writer, but I disagree. At least in those books you can feel his brain throughout the page. No one else could have written those books in that exact way. He has a voice, lets say, and I'm sure the writing style is the same in the EF LNs. Either way, I think it's so cool to have a series from the 90s that lets people speculate about queer identities and there's viable text to provoke discussion.

It's also cool to see how our main couple is treated. They live in a world where they're slaves and are only seen as entertainment. Together they see each other as loved ones, work ingas a team to create a better future for themselves. It's something you have to read/play to completely get what I mean and I think the anime is better at showing this aspect. But trust me, there's a warmth to their relationship past the romance. (no matter what type of couple they are.) With it being a romance, makes it better. Double for gay interpretation. It doesn't feel it was written to be "Lesbians be hot" but more "This is a couple". Even if in Shudo's novel they don't end up together (they do in the game.) or it goes any other way in the end, I still really respect how they're written.

MORE END OF THE GAME SPOILERS: They become queens at the end. Like Lila is on the throne with Filena. Based.

I'd love to keep talking about Filena and Lila at length bc I think they're great, but I don't want to spoil anything else. Btw the game is on the SNES and never got localized (i WoNdEr WhY?) so Filena being either a gay woman or a trans protag is pretty cool considering the era. Fuck, her being a woman protag by itself was a big deal for that era as far as I know.

*Btw not saying the Queer themes are the only reason this wasn't brought over. I could guess several like how it looks like FF or how its an adult property, and more. [NEW NOTE: I think I meant it looks enough like Final Fantasy that investors wouldn't want to risk it being in competition with those games. tbh that coulda made it a better candidate for an ENG release during certain times as well. I was just spit ballin' but it bothered me enough to add this note. While we're here, I think between it's adult and Queer themes, and also coming out in 95 is most likely why it stayed JPN excusive. I should have mentioned its late release date (for the SNES), but when you're sick and on twitter things slip through the cracks I guess.]

The game has a fan translation and there's a recent lp that shows it off. I'd say check it out if you like that era of JRPGs in general. Personally, for English speakers at least, the game then the anime is the best way to go since you'll get a full story first.

There's several reasons I like one version over the other but that's small shit and I've written enough for now. I wasn't planning on this thread becoming about Filena but I guess it is national Women's day [At time of writing] and no matter Filena's gender, Lila is a queen.

Also sorry if I get anything wrong. Espesh about Shudo's career. Info on the english web is not great. Like some websites say Radio city was his first work at 18, but it came out in 1984 and he was born in 1949. If I get anything wrong, I'll correct it.

i got a lot more Shudo stuff I've seen and want to see, so maybe next time I'll post more about Radio city. This was meant to be a small update thread lol.

[lu-zijing]

Hahah, SO Glad to hear that-!!!✨ ✨ ✨ ✨ 

YOU'VE BEEN CRAZY WITH WINGS TOO!!!? My dear friend—

"fuckers, I can make that REALITY"

- I love you for that one sentence—

---

I see! So it IS gonna follow the canon timeline, (as well, as you can with Chuuya having wings ofc--)) Excitingggg-!!!

Haah, I understand the setup can be a bit annoying on rewatch-(￣▽￣)"

I must admit I'm confused on the "Soukoku reunion where Chuuya has feathers" bit though 🤔

Ahhh 😅  I meant your banner picture -is that what it's called in Tumblr?- in your blog! At least in the canon show, wasn't that the scene where Dazai and Chuuya met for the first time, in what, four years? After Dazai left the PM.

Don't know if that's how it's gonna be in your AU ofc though!! Looking really forward to finding out...!!

"And seriously? Really??? I'm surprised! I'm sure theres alot of fics that go by the timeline, I especially have run into cough ones which I liked which are specifically smut related....."

Really? Perhaps on Ao3? Tbh it's only recently I started using Ao3, I've always used Wattpad to read fanfics and stuff like that.

And hmm cough while I don't have anything directly against smut cough, it's not exactly what I'm looking for either-

Thanks for telling though!

"And I do usually look to peoples accounts who follow me (especially those who find interest in a SURPRISING amount of my stuff XD) so yeah, that's why and I found some GOOD stuff on your account too, so that's REALLY awesome."

THANK YOU!✨ ✨ I usually do that as well, so finding another blog who does it is kinda cool-!!!!

"Talk to me any time! Dm me, reblog and talk to me that way, use replies, whatever the fuck! I love talking to people, and this was genuinely fun to write. :]"

REallY!!!? and I just felt like I got VIP status or something even though I'm sure it counts for many--(￣▽￣)" But stillll-!! Thank You!✨ ✨ 

I sure will! Perhaps as I proceed into your story, have questions or just something else!

Im really glad you liked my ask/"statement"! This was really fun to read as well..! Thank you again✨ !

"[undisclosed plot device]" :

That is one hell of a cool way to avoid spoilers✨-- That what it is, right? Nooo waiiiit- dirty mind stop imagining things--

I. ABSOLOUTLY. ADORE YOUR IDEA WITH YOUR AU SO MUCHhhhhaaaaah!! ✨✨✨✨🖤🖤

Chuuya having WINGS!!? Even though he could in somee way fly before already, it feels so different with wings!! Like really cool!!

(( I have always Liked wings -

Is your AU going to follow the main time-line of the show? Like, the illustrations you've posted sure does look like it-- (love them- love this idea-) ((Soukoku Reunion where Chuuya has feathers!!? ✨)

Wait, wait, wait, No- dont spoil anything..! (maybe just a little yes or no- that wouldn't really spoil anything—) I will find out as I read—!

I mainly wanted to say I'm really looking forward to reading this!!

It's my first BSD AU where it follows the main time-line - just differently- as well! A thing I really like!!

Well, if it really does ofc, but It sure does look like it—Arg, I gotta just continue reading soon——

Even if it don't this seems really interesting already!!!

Ahem, anyhow, this became a bit long- I wanted to expres my excitement about this-especially after, you even looked at some of my BSD stuff after I followed you!!!!

Thank you soo much!✨ That became the last push to write this little too long text, that isn't really a question, but more like a thank you-ahh im excited for this-- that I had already considered writing to you after I started reading😅😅👍

This entire post just made my day and while I could I'd rather not risk dying from lightheadedness from spinning too fast in excitement in my spinny chair XDDDDD THANK YOU SO MUCH

I can't express how embarrassed I am just fshfhsgshgsghshg I have been CRAZY for wings for AGES now, and I just saw soooo many posts about how "what if Chuuya could fly Dazai" I thought, fuckers, I can make that REALITY And it is going to follow the main timeline of the show just...alot differently but at the same time trying really hard to stick to the normal plot In hindsight that means I must suffer with all my energy to watch the first season of bsd (When I first watched BSD, the first episodes were for setup, and rightfully so. That all made sense, it really put the characters together. But I watched it a second time and it dragged ON and ON and I COULDN'T STAND IT UNTIL CHUUYA CAME TO GRAB DAZAI gARgHHrhgh). I must admit I'm confused on the "Soukoku reunion where Chuuya has feathers" bit though 🤔 And currently during the plot I'm writing I have to improvise ALOT from what I know, and really this fic is also whatever the fuck I wanna write with whatever writing style I have on hand slapped into each 1K chapter so I'm really trying here LOL Also the fact when [undisclosed plot device] will be introduced, I'll be writing seperate smut for [undisclosed plot device] because I can then do WHATEVER I want wITHOUT any repercussions Hopefully I can add in [undisclosed plot device] just in a way that people will understand. Though I hear that Beast Dazai also came across [undisclosed plot device] at one point :D

I'm going SO offtopic here LMFAO And seriously? Really??? I'm surprised! I'm sure theres alot of fics that go by the timeline, I especially have run into cough ones which I liked which are specifically smut related..... and I go back to off topic I'm sorry LMAO But I'm sosoosososo glad you like it! It just means alot to me you wrote alot and now I'm just ranting because you've shown genuine interest without going off the rails (as far as I've seen) so this is pretty cool for me too!!! And I do usually look to peoples accounts who follow me (especially those who find interest in a SURPRISING amount of my stuff XD) so yeah, that's why and I found some GOOD stuff on your account too, so that's REALLY awesome. Talk to me any time! Dm me, reblog and talk to me that way, use replies, whatever the fuck! I love talking to people, and this was genuinely fun to write. :]

[solalunar-eclipse]

SYCS - 1 Year Anniversary

Chapter title: Set In Stone

Word count: about 4000 words

Next

Author’s Note: On July 26, 2020, I posted the first chapter of Scars You Can’t See. One year later, I’ve written five stories of varying lengths and am currently working on a sixth (wow)! My writing’s come a long way since then, and a lot of my improvement is thanks to everyone who encourages me to continue said writing, whether it’s through likes, reblogs, or comments. Thank you all so much for your support so far! :)

This is a rewrite of the very first chapter of SYCS, since the original could use a little fixing. Some important notes: I’ve edited a few parts of the story to be more in character, Chapter 2 starts in a different place after this updated version, and I’ve also fixed up chapter 13 because apparently I forgot to finish the motif I started?? Somehow??? At least I remembered eventually...

Anyway, I hope you enjoy the (revised) story!

Before, Shadow had always been able to just ignore what it meant to work for G.U.N.

He’d managed somehow to convince himself to brush aside the fact that the soldiers he worked with (had been coerced into working with) wore the same uniforms as those who killed Maria, his dear sister and first friend. To push away any idea that he couldn’t deal with serving the same organization that had once wanted him dead. (It was the only way to stay with his friends, of course he could deal.)

The same thing went for using guns during the Black Arms invasion- even though he’d had amnesia, he remembered enough that he’d needed to rely on adrenaline near constantly just to make it through those times. Despite this, he had still taken the better part of a month to recover afterwards.

His memories of that day were particularly fresh for a while.

Once the invasion had been successfully repelled, G.U.N. had hired him to work for them very rapidly, as a matter of fact. During the process, some of the people along the way strongly suggested that if the organization wasn’t able to keep an eye on him, then…well, then they’d be very displeased. 

Shadow knew all too well that you did not want G.U.N. displeased with you.

The hybrid felt nothing but exhausted as these thoughts whirled through his head for the hundredth time. They’d only become a major problem recently, ever since the military organization had begun to require him to resume using guns on his missions. Every single time he touched one, the cold steel left his palms slick inside his gloves and made his head swim with flashes of memories too often repressed. Still, he had to use them- he’d be taken off missions entirely if he refused, and Shadow would never leave Rouge and Omega in the lurch like that.

However, his mental health had been growing ever worse these past few weeks as a result. He thought (hoped) he’d done a good job of hiding it from Rouge and Omega, but Shadow had been sparring with Sonic noticeably less. The hybrid had struggled with the idea of inflicting more violence on others in his spare time, and the hero had asked him about it several times, trying to figure out the reason for his sudden change in behavior.

Shadow shook his head, pushing his doubts and worries away just as he always had before. He couldn’t allow himself to become distracted by his thoughts- they might spill over into missions if he wasn’t careful. Forcing himself to focus on his schedule for the day and nothing else, he walked out of his room to take on whatever might come his way.

…

He was skating through the halls of an old, decrepit building (currently being used as a hideout by Eggman) on a mission. A robot stepped into his path.

Shadow hadn’t used his weapon yet on this assignment. He remembered the thinly veiled threat after his first refusal- we may have to remove you from missions if you cannot handle this responsibility- and felt a cold sweat break out on the back of his neck.

He shut his eyes, whipped out the firearm, and pulled the trigger. Flinching at the sound out of instinct, he refused to open his eyes until the gun was away, when he didn’t have to see it anymore. The robot lay on the ground, a smoking hole in its center. He tried to ignore the lingering sensation of the G.U.N. logo embossed on the handgrip in his palm.

Shadow felt the floor tilt for a moment under him before he regained his bearings.

He refused to look at the machine as he rushed by.

…

The exhausted hedgehog curled up in bed at night, unable to keep himself from hearing gunshots over and over and over. He fought against the memories of that day, refused to let them spill over into his thoughts.

Yet despite his best efforts, he knew he’d dream of it again tonight. He knew that he’d wake up screaming with her name in his mouth and the sight of blood still burned into his eyes. It had happened every night since he’d received the weapon.

Shadow swallowed down his fearful apprehension over what would come next. He forced himself to breathe deeply, to close his eyes, even though he wished to do the exact opposite. Dreams were not real. He could not let them hold power over him.

But still, he shivered as he tried to fall asleep.

…

He and Omega were standing in the center of a courtyard, broken badnik scrap lying all around them. This mission was supposed to be easy, just a simple in-and-out. Take out the bots, grab the intel, and go.

Rouge had asked them to cover for her as she searched for information in the abandoned computers alone. Shadow hadn’t liked the idea of leaving her alone but agreed grudgingly anyway.

He looked down at the firearm he held in his hands and tried his hardest not to cringe.

Flashes of memories threatened to surface again, of escape pods and gunshots and too much blood-

“Shadow.”

He jumped, not expecting Omega’s loud voice so suddenly.

“Yes, what is it?”

“You have been distracted for nearly ten minutes. Are you unwell?”

Shadow sighed, projecting a relaxed attitude. “Everything is fine. I was simply thinking.”

“About what?” Omega asked curiously.

“Nothing much.”

Silence descended upon the two again for a minute. 

“Shadow.” the E-series robot repeated.

“What.” he snapped, sounding more irritated than he’d intended.

“Tell me what you were thinking about. You looked distressed.”

“I’m fine, alright?” Shadow insisted. “Just- forget it, Omega.”

Omega stepped closer. “Past experience has informed me that you tend to hide important thoughts from others. Therefore, I will assume that this is essential knowledge until proven otherwise.”

“It’s not important.”

The robot placed his hand on Shadow’s shoulder. The latter wouldn’t admit it, but the weight was comforting, in a way.

“This is not adequate proof. Do you not trust me, Shadow?”

He sighed. “I do trust you, Omega. You know that.”

“Then talk.” Omega’s processors whirred for a moment, before adding, “Please.”

The hybrid’s shoulders slumped- he knew his friend wouldn’t stop until he told the truth. “I was thinking, how weird is it, that I work for the same organization that ki-...caused my sister’s-” He paused on the word, fighting not to trip over his sentences. “-death and...attempted to cause mine. Among other things. And how now...I must use weapons like the ones that took her from me...to harm others.” He sighed, nearly worn out just from the effort of discussing that event’s existence.

Omega jerked away from him, startling Shadow. “G.U.N. is the organization that killed your sister?” he asked, sounding- if it were possible- shocked.

“And the one that locked me away in cryostasis for 50 years, yes.” Shadow said, feigning calm.

Omega made a staticky noise that sounded like a sharp exhale. “Shadow. Why did nobody tell me this before? And why in the name of Chaos do you still work here?”

Shadow looked away, hiding the bitterness in his expression. “Multiple reasons. One, the organization has somewhat cleaned up its act, as far as I can tell. Two, it wants to keep me under surveillance, since I am still ‘potentially dangerous’ to them...and consequences would be severe if I did not obey.”

He tapped his heel on the ground. “Also, it was one of the main avenues for us to become heroes. Unlike Sonic and his friends, we don’t have the luxury of fighting someone who wants us to know where they are. And you know we didn’t exactly have the best record with law enforcement beforehand.”

“Still.” Omega replied. “I am highly opposed to the concept of fighting in the name of such an organization. Have they at least apologized to you? Or admitted their wrongdoing?”

Shadow frowned, thinking. “No, actually, they never did.”

Why did he have to bring this up? There’s no point in talking about what’s past. Let’s just get over it and move on.

Omega looked down, his eyes dimming slightly. “Processing.”

He was still processing by the time Rouge arrived, and remained mostly silent for their exit, post-mission briefing and the entire ride home.

Once the three had gotten inside, Rouge faced the E-series robot. “Alright, what’s up with you? You’re never quiet, but you’ve barely said a word since I got back.”

“I am considering an important decision.” Omega said.

“Oh? And what might that be?” she asked, folding her arms.

“My potential resignation from the government organization known as G.U.N..”

“Wait, what?” Rouge gasped. 

Shadow shouted out from the other room simultaneously. “Omega, what are you thinking?!”

“Current logic process is as follows: G.U.N. hurt one of the few decent people on this planet and my friend fifty years ago by murdering Maria Robotnik and many others aboard the ARK, as well as imprisoning him for said fifty years against his will. It has not apologized or shown remorse for those actions. Therefore, this organization clearly has no respect for Shadow, and therefore I refuse to aid them one moment longer.”

Shadow appeared at the robot’s side, placing a hand on his arm. “Thank you, Omega, but you don’t need to do that for me. I’m alright with this.”

(He was lying, of course.)

“Hold on a minute here, Omega’s got a point.” Rouge said pensively. “I started working here so I wouldn’t go to jail for stealing, but I’ve served my ‘sentence’ ages ago. Honestly, I kind of hate it there anyway? Like, nobody even respects us and it’s got way too much bureaucracy and too many outdated ideas. It’d be much better if it was just the three of us doing our own thing away from them, wouldn’t it?”

“Besides, hon, you’ve got to start standing up against those guys. I know you were going through a major existential crisis a while back when this all started, and that was the main thing you had to deal with. But now that you’ve started to figure everything out, it’s time to stop letting people treat you this way! We don’t have to give G.U.N. anything. They never helped you at all.”

“Agreed.” Omega said. “This organization does not deserve you- or any of us. They have wronged you, and though forgiveness is supposedly a ‘virtue’, it is likely so only when it is deserved.”

Shadow stared at the two of them. “That was...actually kind of philosophical for a minute. And convincing.” He huffed, frustrated, his hands curling into fists. “I just…how would I even go about dealing with my grievances with an entire military organization? I would need proof...and I don’t want to damage my standing with the government. G.U.N. can easily claim that I have gone rogue.” 

He swallowed, trying to ignore the various insecurities at the corners of his mind. “I’m just...should I really be digging all of this up again? I’ve finally started to get over it…”

“Okay, so first of all, hon, you’d better not let G.U.N. walk all over you just because they can make up fake blackmail.” the bat insisted. “And second, you’re clearly not over it. Shadow...I can hear you when you wake up from your nightmares, you know. You deserve some kind of closure to help you, and if G.U.N. won’t give it to you, then you have to take it.

“Also, here’s another thing- how much worse would you feel if G.U.N. hurt someone else, and we had never said anything to warn anyone?”

Shadow stiffened, feeling ill again. The very idea was abhorrent. That another person’s Maria could be lost due to his silence...“That...that would be unimaginable….” he breathed.

“Exactly.” Rouge replied. “So, consider it.”

Shadow frowned. “I...I’ll keep it in mind. But we should at least see if they’ll do something first before we try to attack them. We might be able to convince them to make amends, after all. I mean, if we fight, we’ll be completely out of a job, and I don’t know if the funds from Club Rouge will be enough to keep us afloat- if we succeed. It’s too risky, at least for now.”

“If that’s what you want to do, then we can definitely stick with that to start.” the bat said. “I don’t know if I could’ve taken any of their apologies if it were me, but it’s not my life, it’s yours. So I’ll be right with you no matter what you decide to do, okay?”

“As will I.” Omega added, placing a hand on Shadow’s shoulder.

“Thank you, Rouge. Thanks, Omega.” the hybrid said, finally allowing relief to show on his face as he looked at his friends.

He couldn’t help but feel that with them by his side, everything would be alright.

…

They talked through most of the night about how to bring it up, what they would say, and even where they would sit to keep Shadow feeling as safe as he could. The hybrid had final veto power over anything the other two suggested, and he tried to keep the wording of the speech he’d give as controlled and polite as possible. 

However, he tried not to bring up the “maybe G.U.N. still thinks I’m a weapon to be stored and used, not a person” topic during his proposal. Those insecurities could wait for another day.

They fell asleep late at night, all three in the same room- Shadow made a blanket nest on the floor, Omega plugged himself into the wall, and Rouge was on her bed.

Pleasantly enough, Shadow didn’t have any nightmares that night.

…

“You want us to do what?” 

The head of the public relations department stood behind his desk, cutting a slightly dominating figure in front of the team in his room. Omega could easily detect an increased heart rate in Shadow. He was not betraying any nervousness externally, however, and the robot was impressed by his friend’s willpower.

The PR head sat down, and he gestured for Team Dark to do the same. However, since there were only two chairs in the room (as they had known), Omega remained standing. Among other things, it would allow him to more easily defend his friends should the talk go awry.

“I’m afraid we just can’t do that kind of thing...Shadow.” He said the last word like it was distasteful, like it didn’t belong in his mouth. (Or, perhaps, like he wanted to add a “Project” or “Experiment” to the front of it, but didn’t for fear of a missile to the face delivered by Omega.)

“Why not?” The hybrid asked. “Sir,” he forced himself to add politely. “Don’t you agree that it was wrong? That G.U.N.’s soldiers shouldn’t have done...what they did?”

“I am incredibly saddened that Miss Robotnik’s death occurred in the search for you, and that the head of G.U.N. at the time considered you unworthy of any basic living rights.” the PR leader said, sounding more than anything like he was reading a script off a teleprompter. “However, I am not going to make a public statement digging up something that happened fifty years ago.”

Rouge leaned forward in her chair furiously. “So you’re just going to pretend it never happened? What about the trauma Shadow experienced? What about the fact that this kind of thing could happen again?”

The leader looked at her coldly. “I can assure you that this is an isolated incident, and that such an occurrence has not happened before or since.”

“But you can't just-! Can’t we speak with the commander?” Rouge gasped, outraged.

“I can, and I will. And you know very well that the commander is taking a well-deserved vacation, and we are not to disturb him for any reason except an emergency. Now then. Did you have anything else you needed?” he said smugly.

Omega was so, so close to just arming the missile launcher anyway.

Shadow looked up at him carefully, clearly going over the words in his head. “Sir. May I respectfully ask why G.U.N. considered it necessary to arm me? I can apply lethal force if necessary in other manners.”

The PR head frowned. “Close quarters are not necessarily a safe space for you, Shadow. We need you alive, and if that means you’re farther back, then so be it.”

“But- me? Destroying with impunity? In such a cold, distant manner? That’s not what G.U.N. wants to see from me, I thought. And with my experiences, I really don’t think-”

The human folded his arms. “Don’t worry about thinking, just worry about completing your missions on time. And what’s past is past, right? Now then, I expect no more complaints from you three. This meeting is concluded.”

Shadow stood up stiffly. “Yes, sir.”

Rouge froze. “Wait, Shadow, you’re not just going to-”

“We’re leaving, Rouge. Now.” Shadow said firmly, but the two other members of Team Dark could hear the unsteadiness in his voice. Omega remained silent, but internally was playing a very nice simulation in which he repeatedly punched the head of the PR department.

Once they had exited the office and walked through the facility for a while, Shadow leaned heavily against a wall. “He’s not sorry at all.” he muttered. The robot didn’t need his sensors to tell that he was experiencing far too many negative feelings at once. It wasn’t healthy for organics to deal with all that all the time…

“Agreed.” Omega said. “I would not be surprised in the least if he was lying throughout all of it.”

Rouge sighed, before pulling an unresisting Shadow into a hug. “Honey, I’m...” She paused for a second. “I’m sorry you had to deal with that. You shouldn’t have to cope with people like that, ever.”

Shadow closed his eyes quietly and stood like that for a long time. Eventually, though, he spoke up. “.....I know what we have to do. I...I know we need to fight, like you said last night. I don’t feel ready, but just…it has to happen.”

Omega looked down at them both. “You two go out to the car. I will go and get your sister’s files myself while you take a few minutes, Shadow. I am bulletproof and the most likely to make it out unscathed, and if I need help I can call.”

Rouge rolled her shoulders briefly, her wings flexing. “Alright. I’ll be ready to get out of here the second you get in. Sound good?”

“Alright.” Omega agreed. “Let’s go.”

The robot marched down the halls, on a mission. He stopped first to gather everything from their office- or at least all of their personal items. They might need them later, after all. He placed them into his empty chest compartment (he hadn’t refilled on weaponry in a while) and moved on. 

The lower levels of the G.U.N. facility were darker and less well-maintained. This was most likely on purpose, to keep people from wanting to go down there. Omega, however, did not fear the dark. He had a flashlight, and a hulking five-foot robot was usually enough to scare most creatures.

Thankfully, the guards stationed throughout these levels knew him, and simply stepped aside to let Omega pass. Quite a few of them were honestly nervous down there themselves, and barely even noticed him.

He noticed a small door marked ‘Records Room- Classified’ and knew he was in the right place. The door did not give him access, but that was alright. Rouge had hacked the system a while back and given herself the highest clearance possible...and now Omega had her spare card.

Once he was inside, he scanned the cabinets methodically until he found the file marked ‘Maria Robotnik’. Inside were papers detailing her death and her life. Everything one could have wanted to know about her was inside. 

The red stamp on the front reading ‘Terminated’ was pretty ominous, and Omega briefly wondered if he would be able to remove it. He considered the possibility that Shadow would not be quite so pained upon seeing it if the stamp were gone.

It was unlikely, and so he moved on.

Omega exited the room, hoping that the guards in the security monitor room were slacking off. They often were, so he calculated at least a 70% chance of exiting the facility without incident. He placed the file inside his compartment and continued on.

Being a robot meant that he could not act nervous. Therefore, nobody questioned him as he walked through the halls and outside, where he saw Rouge talking to Shadow inside their black-and-red car.

The hybrid appeared to be rather panicked about the whole plan, so as Omega slid into the backseat, he placed his hand on his friend’s head for a brief moment. “Everything is going to be alright, Shadow. I promise you that.”

Shadow sighed and slumped back against the seat. “Let’s get out of here before someone notices what we did.”

Rouge pulled out of the parking lot with a screech of the tires and didn’t let the speedometer dip below fifty until they got home.

“Right.” she said, once they were all inside. “We’ll probably have G.U.N. beating down our door by tomorrow morning, so let’s make sure they don’t catch us still here by then. Omega, refill your weapons and pack us some clothes and stuff. Shadow, you just try and chill. I’m going to look over this file.”

As Rouge flipped through the pages, Shadow decided that he needed to see these for himself and walked over to stand behind her. Before long, though, he recoiled in shock upon seeing that when G.U.N. discussed Maria’s death, they justified it. Made it seem like Shadow was the villain. A monster. A weapon.

“Shadow?” the bat asked.

“...yes?”

“You know we can’t use this by itself, right? We need more proof. Like, video proof.” she said, sounding resigned.

“I know.” he said quietly, disappointed that so little had changed despite the fact that half a century and some new management had taken place. 

Omega cursed out G.U.N. from the other room in response and came over to them, his eyes in their ‘angry’ shape. “We need to stop them now. This revolting organization does not deserve to spend another minute active anywhere on the planet.”

“Let’s get them, then.” Rouge hissed, clearly furious as well. 

Shadow felt terribly apprehensive, but despite that, he agreed as well. “Then they won’t be able to hurt anyone else in the future.” he said, sounding more determined than he had in a while.

“You ready, guys?” the bat asked, holding out her hand in the midst of their little group.

Omega allowed his giant metal hand to hover over hers. “Always.”

Rouge looked at the hybrid. “You sure you’re up for this, hon?”

“Not entirely…” Shadow admitted, but took a deep breath and held out his hand too, allowing Rouge to guide his hand to Omega’s, just like she had so long ago. “...but I need to do it, and so I will.”

“Then we’ll expose them, Shadow.” she said confidently. “And we’ve totally got this, because we’re doing it together.”

And as they all clasped hands for a moment, before breaking off to head to the garage, Shadow felt like they really had a chance to succeed.