#either losing herself to that. or destroying herself. or trying to live and gain control of that.

[izzysarchivedblogs]

back in izzy has two (actually it's 6) tabs of comics izzy is reading. back in dissecting the entirely of tigra/greer's comic canon. we take a stop at the f4 and one of my favorite rejections.

Johnny asking Greer out.

Greer's rejection. BROUGHT A NOTE FROM YOUR BIG SIS.

[paigemathews]

Time for another Paige powers post! (Also, this is over two thousand words and I didn’t really know where to cut it, so I didn’t. I am very sorry.) According to canon, there’s a couple of different factors going on with witches’ past lives and their current powers. 

You typically have the same powerset across lives. (Piper with molecular-based powers; Prue and Paige with telekinesis; Phoebe with psychic powers.)

The choices you make and the way that you use your powers, however, dictate the strength, advancements, or devolvement that your next life’s powers will take.

If you misuse your powers, you’ll lose them in your next life. If you use them well, they’ll grow.

P. Russell misused her pyrokinesis, but didn’t really misuse her divinization. When she reincarnated into Phoebe Halliwell, she lost her pyrokinesis but gained premonitions instead.

P. Baxter didn’t misuse her power of molecular deceleration in her lifetime. When she reincarnated as Piper Halliwell, it evolved into molecular immobilization.

Either way, we never see a witch outright all lose their magical abilities between lifetimes, even if they misuse them.

Now onto Paige. Obviously, Miss Paige was the Evil Enchantress, who had telekinesis (that Paige retained) and Conjuring the Elements. In A Knight to Remember, we really only see the Evil Enchantress use: telekinesis, aerokinesis, and electrokinesis. Considering Paige’s apartment was on fire, she also presumably used pyrokinesis. Even if Paige lost the powers that the Evil Enchantress misused, that still leaves cryokinesis, geokinesis, and hydrokinesis that she could have displayed. So some thoughts on the possibilities.

Paige gets cryokinesis, which actually might be one of my favorites. We already saw a link between cryokinesis and telekinesis with P. Bowen’s past life, so it makes sense. Plus, the angst potential for Paige getting a power from Prue’s past life? Prue was supposed to eventually gain it again, but instead Paige gets it. Also, cryokinesis is so cool and I wanted to see more of it.

For actual usage, Paige being able to freeze demons in a very different way than Piper. Admittedly, it might be too similar to Piper’s from a narrative sense but I think that they could work around it. We didn’t see it very often, so they could expand on it. At the very least, she’d definitely would use it to freeze drinks during some of those heatwaves while Piper and Phoebe go Paige!! And she just rolls her eyes what?? 

We’re gonna skip past geokinesis for a minute, but Paige gets hydrokinesis in the season five premiere. Honestly, you can really take your pick of how she gets it, but it’d have to be a bit more of a Paige episode. 

You could have her be the one transformed into the mermaid and be able to control water. They think it’s a mermaid power until Mylie tells them its not.

Piper is drowning and Leo isn’t there, so Paige is trying to heal her but actually draws the water out of her lungs to save her.

The Sea Hag sees herself in Paige, a young hybrid witch that is undeniably othered from those who she should be able to relate to. (You can change up the backstory however you want, the one I linked is just focused on the Little Mermaid allusions.) She senses Paige’s power and wants to mentor her.

When Phoebe is fleeing, Paige can either stop her or dives in after her and finds that she can actually get there.

You could definitely do something with Paige having hydrokinesis and Patty’s death by drowning. Plus, it’d be a cool power to see utilized more. Imagine Paige draining the water out of the air to create a wave or using it to immobilize demons by bloodbending. Again, we didn’t really see a lot of it, so they could definitely expand on it!

For geokinesis, this was actually one of my least favorites but now that I’ve though about it, I think I’d vibe with it. In I Dream of Phoebe, Paige could have discovered and raised Zanbar or destroyed it, one of the two. You could also do something with earthquakes since the girls live in San Francisco. I’m gonna be honest, I’m not really sure exactly how to do this one but I definitely think that you could. 

I think that it’d be cool to connect geokinesis to phytokinesis, aka the manipulation of plants. I know that it technically isn’t included in Conjuring the Elements, but I think that it should be. She could manifest it in the beginning of season five and struggle to really do something offensive with it. She’s trying so hard, but she just sprouts a flower at a demon and he laughs while Piper just sarcastically asks if that’s it while Phoebe goes Paige! And her sisters don’t really realize that Paige is actually struggling and trying and that they hurt her feelings, so she keeps trying and finally manages to use it offensively but it still feels off somehow. And then in Lucky Charmed, her power is blooming in the leprechaun's forest which she doesn’t really realize. In Cat House, we see that the flowers and decorations and stuff in the past, especially during Piper and Leo’s wedding, are like dying during the conflict and then when they resolve it and Phoebe and Paige are leaving, we see Paige pass by or look at it and it just grows so beautiful. Which brings us to Nymphs Just Wanna Have Fun where Paige is transformed into a nymph and she actually gets to see the beauty of her power and she’s just so happy when she can love her powers instead of having to find a way to fight with them. Piper and Phoebe are trying to talk some sense into her and she finally breaks the dreamy nymph look to be upset before reverting back to that dreamy, dancing girl. Paige is ultimately the one who saves the day in the Eternal Spring by using her powers offensively and becomes a witch again to do so. Before she leaves though, one of the nymphs gently touches her arm and tells her there is power in your magic, but it is also a source of extraordinary beauty. you don’t need to only pick one. and then the sisters leave and we see in the last couple of minutes that Paige intentionally blooms flowers in the manor and gives them to her sisters, who are just happy that Paige has found that happiness in her magic.

Honestly, you could also still give her one of the powers that she did misuse and strip the others. (You could also actually give her multiple elemental powers if you wanted to. I will say that I’d prefer them not making her the Avatar just bc then it’s a matter of why does she even need the Power of Three but you still could.)

For aerokinesis, you could incorporate it into the show with how they already use it. She uses it against the Evil Enchantress, which the sisters figure is just how past lives and powers work. From there, you have two options: Leo kinda just goes 😶 that is not how that works and they figure it out there or the sisters end up traveling back in time later in the season (1920′s episode!!) and run across their past selves (also Paige’s 1920′s self!!). Phoebe tries to use her past life’s powers and it doesn’t work and their past lives are just like 🤨 it doesn’t work like that. And then they have P. Russell, before her turn, and P. Bowen (if they can get Shannen back; if not, she’s out of town for some reason or another) to help Paige learn the trigger for her aerokinesis. Also, I feel like there’d be a lot of fun plotlines because that is a big power and imagine trying to learn how to control it. Paige accidentally hurting someone with it and being afraid of it? Paige causing property damage, such as blowing all of the lights, and then a shadow demon being in the manor. Paige learns how to fly with it and offers to fly with her sisters and Phoebe is like 😬 i already learned my lesson on that one. 

Especially because it’d be such a dangerous power! Girl literally controls the wind. She could obviously use it in big showy ways, knocking a demon across the room, flying, etc. But even the more subtle ways, like creating a breeze to distract someone by making them chase down papers or bringing something to her, etc. Plus, not only does she have to grapple with it as her evil past life’s favorite power, but Shax had this power. She has the same power as the sister she never met’s murderer. Ooh, imagine if she actually learned about it early season four and Piper and Phoebe’s reactions and her knowledge of Shax and learning about her evil past life. Potential there.

Okay, but moving on from aerokinesis, electrokinesis! I always have a mixed reaction when it comes to people trying to argue that. Well, not even witchlighters but Chris specifically should have electrokinesis bc his dad was an Elder when he was conceived, but the show very well could have made that canon if they wanted to give Paige electrokinesis. (But it’s not so if anyone ends up in my inbox about Chris and being half-elder, imma lose it.) Imagine, Paige isn’t sure why she has this power that she used for evil and it turns out its because her past life combined with her current life’s whitelighter side meant that she had it, even though she shouldn’t. The juxtaposition of her evil past and her good heritage working together when no one knows if she should really have it. I mean, Paige literally nearly killed a man with her Whitelighter powers by trying to telekinetically orb that guy’s heart out of his chest, so having the ability to literally throw lightning??

But also I am obsessed with electrokinesis and I think it’s cool af. It obviously has a lot of combat uses, along with being fun to see in the everyday. Paige accidentally shocking her sisters a little bit or having to deal with the static electricity with her powers. Again, losing power in the house and having to figure it out. Cole using that to manipulate Phoebe or try to turn the sisters against Paige with that. Paige zapping people a little bit when they’re being annoying. Paige no-selling the shock cages, bc hel-lo she can simply absorb the electricity instead.

And finally! Pyrokinesis. Gonna be honest, I don’t really like the idea of Paige having pyrokinesis, it feels too connected to Phoebe. (Abi, didn’t you connect half of these powers to the other sisters anyways? Yep!) Phoebe and pyrokinesis is a thing across seasons, so if you’ve giving a sister that power full time, I just feel like it has to be Phoebe. Also, we see so many freaking beings with pyrokinesis that we really don’t need a sister to have it. It just feels boring at that point. But still! I have committed, and thus I’ll give some ideas.

Paige not knowing that pyrokinesis is associated with demons until her sisters tell her and Cole using that to cast doubt on Paige in season four instead. Paige learning how to use a power that has been used against all of them time and time again. Taking a power so deeply attached to evil and giving it to not only a good witch, but a Charmed One and a Whitelighter hybrid.

Paige’s witch and Whitelighter side combining pyrokinesis and photokinesis so that she can create light that burns. The contrast between good and evil in this new sister and if you can really trust her.

Paige bonding with Tyler Michaels over his power! She helps him realize that he is a good person and a good kid. Depending on how long she’s had her power for, she helps teach him how to control it or he shows her some tricks that he’s learned. 

We bring in witch hunters more often, maybe even as a season plot. They’re trying to burn witches and they narrowly evade them time and time again until they’re trapped and they can’t get out, but Paige controls the fire that she didn’t make and turns it against the witch hunters. Paige not being able to burn! (Paige befriending a Phoenix witch and learning about the power of a witch taking the fire that was meant to destroy them and their kind and instead making it her own source of power.)

Okay, actually, Paige with pyrokinesis is a lot more of a vibe than I thought lmao. 

But seriously, Paige with an elemental power would have been so good! She never really gained another power, but she was canonically a powerhouse in her past life. Plus, at least one of the sisters should have gotten an elemental power considering three out of four canonically had an elemental power in her past life. It doesn’t hurt that the elemental powers were so cool! But yeah, I’m back on my Paige should have had another power soapbox again! :)

[ofgeneticperfection]

Meta + Jenova

The Project

So yes, unbeknownst to most Isrieal is a Jenova Hybird under the label Project X. Aside from Sephiroth, most people Hojo has tried to infect with the alien cells have either completely lost their minds or were soon destroyed, most bodies incapable of handling them.

Isrieal was found by his team of scientists after she had fallen into a pool of Mako in a reactor shut down for repairs. She was brought to his labs and even though he assisted her recovery, most should not have fully awakened from nearly being drowned in that vast amount. The fact that she made so well of a recovery led him to believe that she could handle those cells and that theory proved true. As painful as the integegration was. Not only did she keep her mind to herself, but it stabalized within her. A perfect synchronization of cells by random means. Or perhaps it was all fate.

Hojo has always been obsessed with Jenova and he wanted to re-create her in a more 'alive' state as she would have been years ago when she walked amonst the Cetra. Isrieal becamee the living doll of this replication and one of his new obessions. A true Hybrid.

The Powers

The cells gave Isrieal powers she had to learn to control over time. It opened a host of psycic abilities within her. Mind reading, telepathy, telekinesis. Telekinesis is perhaps one of her most powerful abilities but the stronger the object she lifts or creature she fights against with it the more it affects her. She is known to get sharp headaches whenevet she uses the power, worse if she pushes it beyond normal limitations. She can lift a pen no problem, but shattering a tank or throwing back a huge monster will spark the pain in her head.

She is able to somewhat influence others minds or temporarily hold control but it isn't something she uses often. She is also able to project her conciousness into others minds so that they may see her standing in the same room without her actually being there.

She is also known to lose control of these powers when under an extreme stress or emotion. A burst of anger could shatter glass or make the lights flicker around the room for example. She's learned to gain more control over this as time went on but at first it was quite unpredictable and dangerous and part of why he kept her locked away from the public for her first years with him.

Also thanks to the cells she has the power of regeneration. When she is hurt she can heal at a fast speed but this consumes energy and isnt limitless. If she takes on too much damage at once her body won't keep up and once her energy reserves deplete she will cease to heal until she can get proper rest. Which is usually hours of a stasis like sleep to recover.

The last the cells gave her was of course the ability to transform. She doesn't completely transform until a certain 'moment' in her story. She's afraid of doing it and always had an aversion to that side of it, afraid it would make her more monster. Though she doesn't give in to fully transforming she partially does when fighting. She's been known to elgongate her fingers into claws or spawn metallic looking tentacles that help amplify her lightning magic.

The Connection

Due to some mental connection with Jenova she gets random flashes of visions throughout her life that get worse closer to OG time. She often sees ShinRa falling or fires in the sky. Nothing she can make much sense of at first. But it leaves her with enough worry of what may come to be one day.

It is perhaps because of this connection that she is able to resist mind control from Jenova or to push her from her mind if she does try to mess with her.

Isrieal also absolutely hates Jenova. She knows it isnt an ancient and that it isnt anything to be messed with. She's watched the influence it holds over others just by being in the same facility. Things got crazier around ShinRa after Jenova was brought there, stirring up more violent emotions and intentions from within people. Or a general feeling of unease in the air.

She watched for years as Jenova slowly drove Hojo into absolute madness, something she knew she wouldn't be able to save him from. She had to watch it all until it consumed him at the end. Even though she has her plans to bring him back free from the influence...none of it was an easy thing to go through and she becomes more and more agitated and stressed out closer to OG timeline as well because of it.

Had Isrieal had the choice this is what she would do to Jenova and something she has thought about many times...xD

To end on a lighter note...

[soilingquasar]

This started off as just me trying to make my take on Outertale, being inspired by sci-fi works instead of just Undertale in space. But it became so different it can hardly be considered an Outertale take anymore, so i decided it's an original AU. F-117: A human child of unknown name and gender falls into the planet codenamed as colony 1473-B, also known as "Dagash". The human is saved thanks to the help of the old lady, once their wounds have been healed and found a spaceship for themselves, the protagonist's actions will shape the galaxy around them as time goes on. But also gaining more notoriety, which means more enemy encounters. In the martyr route, the human's stats and maximum HP will lower more and more until at the end of the story, our protagonist will fall prone to illness, eventually dying on top of a bed, surrounded by the friends they made along the journey. However the exterminator route will be different, with each kill F-117 will become stronger, their stats and HP increasing the more kills are accumulated, at the end of the story, it will be revealed the human is actually an advanced bio-android made specifically for extermination, using blood of it's victims as fuel, inspired by V2 from UltraKill. Chozlo-Plague: Inspired by the Flood of Halo, the Xenomorphs and other hive-minds. They originiate from the planet of Chozlo, calling themselves the embraced. This hive-mind can adapt by outright stealing any of your strengths and use it against you. It is highly contagious and can think and strategize. They will become fascinated with our protagonist in both routes and try to control them by either infecting them, convinving to join them or manipulating the human to do what it desires. Despite being in the role of Flowey, it is not necessarily just prince who is inside of the hive but also the souls of many are under it's grasp, all of them trapped as prisoners and used to the hive, the only way for them to rest in peace, is by full extermination until every single cell is destroyed. Napster: He was once a follower of the Rompo-Machima cult, however he was punished after commiting a huge act of heresy by refusing the greatest of the Machine God's gifts. As punishment, his mind was transfered to a vessel that has been made and modified for him to feel all kinds of physical and mental agony. As well as being sent to colony 1473-B to live the rest of his life as an exile, without having any chance to redeem itself. He was eventually found by the old lady, she covered him in sheets to protect him from the elements as well as to hide his hideous apperance. Napster spends his day singing and wailing, like a broken mermaid shrieking like a siren, destined to haunt this planet with it's unholy pressence. Torral: She was once one of the emperor's many concubines, and the most well known. Her heart was soft but strong as she had an amazing sense of justice and wasn't afraid of recieving any backlash for her actions. Together, they would live a wonderful life for thousands of years, even having a son of their own, until the prince was killed by humans. This would justify with the Emperor declare war against humanity, thus the start of the Ultimate Universal War. The war would rage for hundreds of years, and Torral would lose her innocence as well as her love for the emperor as he would continue to commit terrible atrocities in the name of peace and prosperity. Torral would one day attempt to assasinate the emperor, only to be severly punished with a brutal beatdown, only managing to survive after she pushed her opponent away using her telekinesis and escaping in her particular ship. After the event, she is now considered a traitor, a heretic, a liar, a false savious and a whore. She would hide and exile herself in colony 1473-B which was also known as her home planet Dagash, what was once a beautiful world was now reduced to a planetary trashcan, being littered and polluted to the brim. However she would regain bits of her former self after encountering Napster and fully restore herself after meeting our protagonist. Unlike Toriel, she will not keep you with her, she will in fact do the opposite and help you leave the planet as soon as possible hoping that you would be reunited with the rest of your kin and to protect you and herself from the Monstrous Emperor's wrath. She is inspired by the many jedi from Star Wars and will not be afraid to fight you in both routes, her full design in battle sprite will be different from the overworld as she throws away her cloak to fight you. "Sap": Sap and his brother are bounty hunters that come from a completely different galaxy. Their species resemble skeletons but are actually insectoids, with Sap using a bandana to cover his insect mouth parts and a hat to cover his third eye. Sap became a bounty hunter at a very young age, his species being able to mature much faster than others, Sap came to this galaxy in order to get money to survive, but also for the thrill of challenging prey deep down. He can be very lazy, cynical while also finding humor in most things, taking a long while to get to his job but always fulfilling the task as asked. Don't let his small stature and personality fool you, he is incredibly strong and resistant to heavy damage due to his biology, he is also an experienced marksman, pilot, and combatant. Pray to never end up on his list. Phasmotheus: Unlike his older brother, Phamotheus is a very prideful bounty hunter. He considers himself a being of class and honor, being very dedicated to his job, cheerful to people around him as well as professional in duty. Phasmotheus sticks out from other bounty hunters by refusing to kill his targets and fight unarmed combatants, either giving them a weapon to have a chance to defend themselves or taking away his weapons to before fighting. Contrary to Sap, Phamotheus is proud to take off his helmet when he is not in duty or feels safe, showing his third eye and mouth parts to everyone around him, and instead of money he focus on his reputation, dreaming to one day become the greatest bounty hunter that has ever lived in the universe. In both routes, Phasmotheus will give you the option to fighting him with a weapon or without weapons before the battle begins, though if you already have a weapon equipped he will congradulate you and even judge depending on what kind of weapon you are using. The Undying Force: They originate from the water world of Hydrosis, The Undying Force are clones of Unyte, who was a high ranking officer of the monstrous emperor, a fierce warrior and the greatest heroine of the Ultimate Universal War who fought against humans and the Chozlo-Plague. All of the clones believe to be the true Unyte, all are either lying or are extremely delusional. The fate of the original Unyte is completely unknown to the public, they used to be many, but their numbers are decreasing, especially due to having lost the genome of the original Unyte. They obey only the emperor, and if he wants someone dead, he summons the Undying Force, they are experts in combat, stealth, assassination and espionage, no one has ever lived to tell the tale until today. "Stain": This one clone in particular is actually male unlike all of his "sisters", dressed in red and black unlike the blue and green colors of the others. Due to the original genome being lost, the emperor's scientist decided to create new clones of Unyte by using...alternative methods. From his very conception, he was considered to be a germ, a stain in the legacy of Unyte, thus the origin of the nickname. But unlike them he was more aggressive and would stand up to himself. There was one incident where he refused to obey the emperor's commands, and eventually getting in a fight, having one of his eyes ripped out as the emperor's punishment. After this event, they refuse to acknowledge this disgusting and inferior male copy to be one of them, their prejudice going so far to the point where they do not allow him to have his armor repaired and only giving him minimal healing. The Undying force being inspired by the clone troopers from Star Wars and Alpharius Legion from Warhammer 40k, while Stain is the reverse case of X-23, the female wolverine clone and Groot from Marvel (He only says "Unyte"). Alzys: Alzys is the head priestess of the Rompo-Machima cult, the in the cult, all believe that the flesh is weak, and that their souls are trapped in these meat suits as punishment for their past transgressions. And so they slowly remove all of their organic parts, slowly replacing them with mechanical parts instead, for the machine cannot be held back. However, during one of her many flash comas, Alzys discovered a dark secret which completely shattered her faith in the machine god's existence. Knowing that if she were to tell others she would be punished the same way as Napster, Alzys will use the human to distract and give her the golden opportunity to escape the cult. She is obsessed with human culture and is a day dreamer, once free from her shackles, she will be extremely grateful for the protagonist and float along side their journey. Mettalix: They were once an ordinary being like many others, until one day during their explorations they found the Machine God itself, Rompo-Machima. The entity would then reveal the truth of their predicament. The young soul would make their mission to convert all beings in the galaxy to the machine god, first converting their family such as their cousins Madchip (Mad Dummy/Mad Mew Mew) and Napster. Over the years, the cult would continue to grow until they made a ship for themselves, now flying from planet to planet to spread the words and teachings of Rompo-Machima. After all, why do we need to eat and drink if we will only expell them later during our digestion? Why do we take so long to recover? Why are we to improve an impefect body with surgeries and exercises? Why are we limited to one body, one face, one gender?! In the world of machines you can be anything, remove your inferiror and damaged limbs with ever improving prosthetics or transfer your mind to a better vessel! For the flesh is weak, the flesh is oppressing, but the mechanic can be anything and everything. Both the sphere and the one bellow are vessels. Aedore Junuli Cal-Stasis Ravieer IV: Aedore Junuli Cal-Stasis Ravieer the fourth, is the current emperor of the Monosterius Empire, the current ruler of the galaxy. He goes by many titles, Emperor of Emperors, God-Emperor, the one above everything and of course the Monstrous Emperor. Born millions of years ago, he was destined for greatness. Charismatic, strong and fierce, he assume the throne with barely any opposition, but he was even taller than the others. He would later have a child by the name of Azuriel with one of his thousand concubines, a woman by the name of Torral, their relationship would grow even more as a result. However his son was killed when human pirates invaded planet Oriuoa where the prince was residing in order to complete his studies, the pirates decided to glass the entire planet after looting to make a statement, incinerating the population in order to leave no trace of evidence or life, the death of prince Azuriel being the one thing that broke the camel's back. The monstrous emperor considered the pirate attack as an act of war, and thus the Ultimate Universal War would start with the Monosterius Galaxy waging war against the Milky Way galaxy in a conflict that would last hundreds of years having casualties on both sides. With Aedore winning the war as a result of years of scheming and converting a human child-soldier to his side, humanity would be driven to near extinction, and with the destruction of planet Earth. Although the humans had fled to other galaxies, the emperor was still stuck in the mentality of being at war with the humans, and after many crimes, the once pure emperor is now a shadow of his former self, a paranoid control freak, forcing everyone loyalty to him while commiting many crimes in the name of what he sees as "the greater good". This version of Asgore was mostly inspired from The Emperor of Mankind from Warhammer 40k. The Great Betrayer: This child soldier was part of a task force of special warriors in order to combat the monstrous emperor's forces as well as being the shining beacon of hope and justice for humanity. Many of these children were outright kidnapped due to having the best genetics in order to survive and become said soldiers. The experiments warped the bodies and minds of these children, making them extremely dangerous killing machines, out of the trillions if not quadrillions of children that were put into these experiments, only 10 of them survived. As a result, they became immortal meaning they no longer age, stronger and faster than any human athelete, able to fight for days with no food, water for a long time, enhanced senses and intelligence. They were the pinnacle of humanity, the next step into their evolution, one soldier stuck out from the rest, C-61, this soldier was by far one of the best trained soldiers, as well as a tactical genius, carrying many victories for humanity after two generations of loses for mankind. However is what many did not know was C-61's immense hatred for humanity for all the experiments they were put through as well as losing their entire family and life in order to serve for a purpose they never asked for. That all changed one day during one mission the human was face to face with the monstrous emperor, having years of experience the emperor would congradulate the human for their skills and even managing to wound him, but the human would defeated in the end. However, the emperor spared C-61 and had managed to befriend the human, eventually the human soldier's ideals would be accepted if not encouraged, for he gave the child love, love that humanity never gave to had, the love that was taken away. C-61 would then choose to fight in Aedore's side, helping him win the war and travelling around the universe in seach of the remaining humans. In the exterminator route, C-61 is the final boss facing our protagonist, F-117.

[slytherinwh0re]

Now or never

Draco Malfoy x Female Reader

Warnings: SMUT (18+ minors dni), swearing, use of the word m*dblood once

Summary: *Draco’s POV* Where Draco admits his feelings for the girl he’s been friends with for years.

Masterlist

*Draco’s POV*

I’ve never felt anything that comes close to this, a desire so deep it keeps me up at night, longing so ingrained into every crack of my soul it’s all I can think about. That’s what she’s done to me, (y/n) (y/l/n), the girl I’ve known since childhood, the one who’s always been there, and the only person who makes me feel alive.

Why she chooses to keep me around I’d never understand. Whenever I ask she says the same thing everytime, “I need you Draco” the response usually makes my heart slam against my chest but what I don’t think she gets is how I’m the one that needs her. Her warmth and kindness is unlike anything I’ve ever felt, I’m a fiend for it, without it life would be dull.

That’s why when she’s around I make sure to be on my best behavior, even Potter and the Weasel can’t get a reaction out of me when she’s near. Well, none other than a dirty look but she’d usually kiss my cheek and tell me to quit glaring cause it causes wrinkles.

One time in second year I’d called Granger a mudblood in front of her and the disapproving look she gave me was enough to put me off the word forever. She didn’t talk to me for a week after that, I had to apologize to the bushy headed scoundrel before (y/n) would speak to me again, it was humiliating but for her I’d do anything. I’ve never used the word again.

The witch has been there for me through everything, she’s always been my dearest friend, and I hers. So when I hadn’t seen her during the summer inbetween third and fourth year I was confused by my emotions when I’d finally spotted her on the train. I’d always known (y/n) was beautiful, I never denied it, but that year her hips had rounded out, her breasts were fuller, and her face looked more matured. That was the first time I’d wanted to do things with her that friends just don’t do together.

It only got worse from there, the older we got, the more attractive she became. She was everything I’d ever desired, it was torture not allowing myself to tell her the thing I wanted to do to her out of fear of ruining the friendship I valued over everything. Instead I sat back, lusting over the girl who didn’t have a clue.

I’d watch her, in class, at the library, while she was with her other friends, my eyes always seemed to find her in a room full of people. It’s pathetic really but I can’t help it, (y/n) took up every thought in my mind. It’s the worst at night, when I’m trying to sleep and the only thing I can focus on is how fucking nice her ass looked in class that day or the fullness of her lips and how perfect they’d look wrapped around me.

Now here we are in seventh year, both 18, and fully matured, our friendship as strong as ever but I’ve just about had it. I’ve watched as other twats got to call her theirs and be with her in ways I’ve only imagined but I’m always there for her, ready to pick up the pieces of her broken heart when they hurt her. The pretty girl was too kind for her own good and she’d only ever blame herself for them being such fucking idiots, how could they not realize what they’d just lost?

I knew she’d have boyfriends, she was too beautiful not to, but I’d never expected it to hurt me so much to see her with another. However I kept my mouth shut, she knew I didn’t like any of them but I never said anything to her about it, it’s her life and if she’s happy than I suppose that would just have to be enough for me. Although I will admit, I felt relieved when they’d break up, it meant I still had a chance if I ever gained the courage to tell her how in love with her I am.

“What’re you thinking so hard about Draco?” Her eyebrow’s are scrunched together and I can’t help but smile at how cute she looks.

“You.” I tell her honestly, reaching across my bed where she lays to brush the piece of hair off her face. The best part of being a prefect is the private dorm, we’d always come here and hangout.

“Me? What about me?” She rest her face on her hands and gives me her full attention.

I take in a deep breath and decide to be completely honest with her. “(Y/n), you know I think you’re beautiful right?”

“Well uhm—you’ve never really told me that before but uhm thank you.” Her face is bright red but she doesn’t look away, her eyes remain on mine and I feel my heart rate spike. “Why are you telling me this now Draco?”

There’s so many ways I could answer that question but I know if I never tell her the truth I’ll live the rest of my life thinking of the what-if’s. I sit up, grab her hand, and beckon her to do the same so we’re facing each other.

“I’ve always thought you were beautiful my darling but I’ve been a coward,” I take deep breath, preparing myself for what I’m about to say, it’s now or never, “I’ve been hiding my feelings from you for years now. The way I feel about you is much more than what a friend should feel for another friend.” I grab her hands and hold them in my lap, my hearts going a mile a minute but if I stop now I won’t forgive myself. “What I’m trying to say is, I love you, I’m in love with you, I have been for so long.”

She’s silent for a while, just watching me, and I feel my heart begin to shatter. I start to lift myself off the bed but she holds my hands tighter, not letting me move.

“Oh Draco, you must be blind.” She let’s go of one of my hands and puts hers on my cheek, leaning into me until we’re only an inch away from each other. “It’s always been you, I love you.” And then she’s kissing me, and I think I might be dreaming but she throws a leg on either side of my hips, straddling my waist, and I realize this isn’t an image I’ve conjured in my head, my girl is on my lap, kissing me.

It’s like a switch flipped in my head, my hands find her hips, the same hips I’ve dreamt about for years, and I pull her as close to me as possible. Her tongue tangles with mine and she has her hands in my hair, tugging just enough to make my hold on her tighten. When she pulls away for air I tilt her head to the side, giving my lips access to the skin of her neck, sucking hard enough to leave my mark on her for the next few days, the airy moan she lets out is the sexiest thing I’ve ever heard. She’s addicting, the taste of her on my lips is like a drug, the sounds she makes give me goosebumps, and I love her, all of her.

When my sweet girl grinds down on my cock I just about lose it, the moan that leaves my mouth would be embarrassing if I wasn’t so caught up on how perfect the curve of her ass feels in my hands.

“Make me yours Draco.” (Y/n) whispers and I have to pull back to make sure I heard her correctly. Could it be that she really wants to be with me in that way?

“You’re sure my love? We could wait as long as you’d like.” She kisses my jaw and I moan as her hands start pulling on my shirt.

“I’m positive, I’ve wanted this for so long.” Fuck.

I flip us over so she’s laying on the bed and I’m on top of her, I pull my shirt over my head as quickly as possible as she starts fiddling with my belt. I place my hands on the skin of her stomach, moving them upwards slowly, giving her a chance to change her mind but she never was one for patience, instead she yanks her shirt off, leaving her in a thin black bra that she has off even quicker than the shirt, then she places my hands on each breast.

God I fucking love her.

The supple skin feels soft under my finger tips, her peaked nipples just begging to be played with so I do just that. I bring my lips around one, letting my tongue roll over the hard bud, listening to the soft sounds from the girl underneath me.

I hook my fingers into her leggings, dragging them down her silky legs, each new inch of uncovered skin makes my already hard cock grow impossibly harder. Her small hands pull down my pants and boxers with one quick tug, making my dick slap my stomach, leaving only one article of clothing between us. She wraps her fingers around me and I bury my face in her hair, the warmth of her hand driving me insane.

I pull her panties to the side, dipping my fingers into her dripping cunt, and the pretty girl moans my name.

“We can do foreplay another time, I need you now Draco, please.” How could I deny her when she sounds so sexy begging like that. I rip off her panties, throwing the destroyed material somewhere on the floor. I pull her lips back to mine and position myself at her entrance.

When I push into her it’s as if her body was meant for mine, her slick tight walls grip me perfectly. (Y/n)’s nails dig into my back as I keep up a steady pace, her perky tits bouncing with every deep thrust of my hips, and I watch as her swollen lips part into a silent moan as I find the spongy spot I’d been searching for.

My hands explore her body, running up the curve of her hips and up her soft stomach, bringing a thumb up to her bottom lip and watching in awe when she wraps her lips around it, sucking lightly before letting it go. I use that same thumb, to rub small circles into her clit.

“Draco, more, please I need more!” I pull out of her, flip her onto her stomach, and pull her hips up so her ass is in the air.

“As you wish my love.” I lick a single bold line up her center and then slam my hips into her. Giving my pretty girl exactly what she wanted. I smack her ass, thanking every God for letting this happen to me. She arches her back and grabs at the sheets, the screams of my name have me holding onto every fiber of self control I can. “You take my cock so well darling, I’ve dreamt about this so many times.” I smack her ass again, thrusting into her at a brutal pace. She’s soaking wet, the warmth of her cunt sucking me in with every jerk of my hips.

“I’m close Draco!” Her legs are shaking and I reach around her, one hand wrapped around her throat, pulling her to my chest, the other massaging her clit.

“Let go my love, I’ve got you.” I kiss her neck, inching her closer to her release. Her walls clench and she screams, my name leaving her lips on repeat as her orgasm rolls through her body. I wait until she’s done to let myself spill into her, my hips stutter and I moan into her hair as she pants against me.

I lay her down, grab a towel, and clean her up. She just stares at me with a small smile on her face when I lay with her, my pretty girl.

“I love you Draco.”

“I love you (y/n).”

*

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[swtorramblings]

Masks: Revelation

Vaylin as Darth Nihilus by @fleeting-sanity​, commissioned by @lord-sutherland​. Reposted with permission.

Part 1: Monsters

Well, I’d meant this to be the more upbeat ending to the downer that was part one, Monsters, but it didn’t quite end up going that way. It was also supposed to be the end, and I don’t think it went that way, either. But here is part 2.

She laid motionless, unable to move. She had felt herself break, and then nothing. She reached out her senses, assessed the damage, and it was as severe as she expected. Still, a small price to pay to bring down Nihilus once again. For a moment, she was content, but then she heard the scream, heard Senya’s anguish. The sound of one that thought she lost everything, then finding out that she could lose more. Satele Shan, former Grand Master of the Jedi Order, knew the sound. She had just gone through the same when she felt her only son die, getting them here. She wouldn’t let him die in vain. She opened her eyes, and saw out of the corner of her eye Senya Tirall pinned to a wall by the Force above her, tears streaming down her face. Before her stood Nihilus, but not Nihilus:  the Empress Vaylin, Senya’s daughter. The remains of her, anyway, her body burned through by another lightsaber blow without any effect. The thought flitted through her mind that she could live through this if she remained where she was. Any action on her part could finish what Nihilus had done to her. Obviously, there was only one response to that. There is no death, there is the Force. She reached out once again, lifting herself from the ground, dangling in the air like a marionette, her strings the Force. She made her hand rise in a familiar gesture that she could not feel, and her lightsaber flew to it and activated. Only then did the creature in front of her notice. “Leave her alone,” she managed to say. It was difficult, having to focus on each syllable of what she wanted to say, taking control of her mouth and longs and vocal cords consciously, but it had needed to be said. The creature turned and sneered at her with the Empress’ lips. She lowered her hand, and Senya dropped to the ground, perhaps broken just as much as Satele was, but in her mind, not her body. She would have to wait, if anyone even survived this. “I thought I’d damaged you enough,” Nihilus told her. “I didn’t think you’d actually use this dark trick to continue the fight.” It drew its lightsaber again. Looking now, she was surprised that neither of them had recognized the weapon, Vaylin’s lightsaber, a “gift” from her father, though the blade was dark, pulling in light that got to close and devouring it. Satele swung at the creature, trying again to damage this body, drive it back into oblivion where it belonged, but the blow was easily deflected. It locked its saber with her, and she could feel the pull, that life draining power that made Nihilus so dangerous when he had been “alive”, and also as this remnant of him tried to gain strength. It was not a fight she thought she could win, but she had to try.

Senya, like Satele, had felt her only remaining child die in the attack, the beautiful boy she had fought so hard for joining his twin. And now, this new horror, her poor, broken daughter returned to be something far worse than she had been. A thing that might fulfill her father’s goal of devouring the galaxy. It was finally too much, and had come too quickly. She had no fight left. She heard the clashing of lightsaber blades, her “daughter’s” strange weapon clashing with another. She looked, saw Satele’s body fighting beyond all reason. No hope, but still unwilling to stand aside and let Nihilus destroy everything they had all fought for, whatever it cost her. She still could not act. “She’s broken. I see that now.” She heard her words, a voice from not so long ago. She had given up. Again. Was this something she could have prevented if she had chosen otherwise? Was this her fault, like so much else? How much death and despair had she contributed to? Her sons, her daughter, Satele fighting on to defend them all. No. Whatever her mistakes, this was the doing of monsters like her husband, this creature that had taken Vaylin from her yet again. And whatever responsibility she did have for any of this, it was now her responsibility to fix it. She wiped the tears away, her face now set like stone. The last time, it had been her daughter, broken as she was, that she’d had to fight. This time, it just looked like her. She stood, and her pike flew back to her hand. Satele would not fight alone. It still hurt, though, when “Vaylin” smiled at her over her shoulder.

“Well, that hurt. A lot,” he said to no one. He opened his eyes, tried to sit up to see who was left, and almost passed out again. He saw Koth, still holding his own. He was about to shout a warning when the explosions took out the things creeping toward him. He also saw the Commander, the Hero of Tython, cutting down more of the things that Nihilus had brought with it from where it had been hiding. He saw Carson rallying some of their few remaining forces, but then there was a massive explosion, and when he looked back from covering his eyes, nothing. No bodies that he could see, though, so he chose to hope. Of Lana, there was no sign. After everything, he still hoped she had made it, at least so far. He looked for his blasters, or any weapon that he might use to rejoin the fight. That’s when he noticed the former Emperor Arcann nearby. He walked over to check him, but upon turning him over realized there was no way even he had survived whatever had done that to him. He had been hated, rightly, but he had still come here and given his life to protect the galaxy. Did it balance the scales? Probably not, but Theron hoped that he was, at least, at peace. “Not quite yet.” Theron jumped. The voice was Arcann’s, but that was impossible, wasn’t it? Oh. Right. The Force. He really should know better. “I’m sorry, Shan, but we still have work to do. Loved ones to save. I could not simply find any kind of an end while that was still true.” “What did you do?” “I did what my father has done, so many times. It seems that he is not the only one whose powers allow this.” “You are riding my body?” “Yes, but unlike him, I do not crave eternal life, not at the cost of losing myself or destroying you.” “Great, I’ll hold you to that.” He’d found his blasters, cracked and useless. Now, he picked up Arcann’s lightsaber. “I hope you don’t mind.” There was a chuckle, and the ghost said, “No, it’s only fair.” “Well, time to get back into the fight, then. One last time.” “No, you must go. Our mothers are both in danger. They will have to hold here, as they have so far.” Suddenly, Theron’s mind was filled with images and feelings, of Senya’s despair, of Satele’s body broken and pushed beyond its limits. Of a sister’s face twisted further by a monster from the past. “What the hell was that?” “The stakes.” “And what do you expect me to do against that?” “Fight bravely. Like you always do. Like our families are doing.” “Fine. But I hope you have a plan other than ‘get that Shan boy to let himself be eaten.’” He couldn’t see the ghosts face, he hadn’t appeared like Valkorion had, but he could feel the grim smile, somehow. “Yes. I do.”

Satele felt herself weakening as Nihilus attempted to cut her off from the Force, along with her life. She fought, but it wouldn’t be long now. Her toes touched the ground, now, her limbs not responding even as well as they had been. They would need a miracle. That’s when she saw one, a flash of red, a golden lightsaber in the hands of someone unsuited to it, in spite of long efforts. Her son. Alive. She parried another blow from the grinning thing, the joy at seeing Theron buoying her up again. She had fought because of her training, her resolve, even her compassion. It had empowered her this far. It was nothing like what she felt now. She thought she may have actually smiled. She couldn’t be sure.

The fight would be lost, she knew, but Senya Tirall was not going to give an inch to Nihilus until it had crushed the life from her body. She stepped aside from a blow, parried another, then this mockery of her entire life screamed, and she was thrown across the room again, landing at the feet of a new arrival. She looked up to find Theron Shan smiling down at her, and she found a moment of odd comfort in it as he took her hand and pulled her to her feet. Just for a moment, his eyes were her own looking back at her, one arm circled her shoulders. “He says to hold her here as long as you can.” She stared at him, then said, “Who?” Like with the eyes, his voice changed so briefly that she was almost sure she’d imagined it. “You know who.” Then, Theron Shan, son of Satele Shan, latest of a long line going back to the legendary Bastilla Shan, with no Force powers of his own, drew out Arcann’s lightsaber and leaped into the fray. Senya, in spite of all of the tragedy in her life, also felt the need to smile as she followed him.

He had to let Arcann take over for this fight, or he was going to lose a hand. As Satele and Senya both harried the creature, he said through gritted teeth, “I don’t think your lightsaber skills are going to be enough, and it’s not like you can throw lightning through me.” Then he thought about it, thought of what Arcann’s father had been able to do, while watching his hands parry a blow, then being kicked in the stomach. “Can you?” “No, I am not Valkorion.” Thank goodness. Or the Force. “But I have brought with us a secret weapon.” As she, or it, slashed again, he could feel his strength draining already to Nihilus’ power. Then the thing said, “Oh, this is just too precious, the two sons are both here! And I have been hungry for so long!” It had sounded mostly like the Empress at first, but then the voice became guttural, alien. “Such a feast!” Arcann was finally ready with whatever he had planned, and Theron shouted, “You want a feast? Then eat this!” There was a tinkling of laughter in his mind. Not his, not Arcann’s. The brief flash of a smile as the “weapon” was unleashed. Oh, no. Had he just made things worse?

They all felt what happened next. The hunger coming from Vaylin’s body suddenly retreated, replaced by a feeling of, what? Disgust? Rage? The feeling slowly crystallized. It was almost as if they could hear th ethoughts. She was being used. Again. It didn’t even end with her death, and she was not going to stand for it. Not this time. She started to become more visible. It started with the eyes, then the face. Power flowed from the body Nihilus had stolen into the air, coalescing into its ephemeral mirror image. Finally, Vaylin’s spirit stood before her possessed body, still in the robes of the Empress of Zakuul, still showing the wound that had killed her. She scowled at herself and said, “I had enough of this with ‘Father’. I am not going to take it from a thing like you.” Her body laughed in her face. “And how do you think you will stop me? You have some power, but I have the body it all comes from!” At that the spirit grinned. “Yes. My power. Let’s  see if you can keep it!” Nihilus also grinned, seeming quite confident in the outcome of this challenge, and then everything exploded in shadow and flame.

Theron ran to Satele’s side, She was about to drag her injured body to continue the fight. Probably to be burned to bone before she had a chance to strike. He couldn’t let her. “It’s out of your hands! Don’t keep pushing yourself!” She just looked at him sadly, then turned her body to continue towards the combatants. “Mother, please!” She stopped. After everything she had forced herself to do, after Nihilus’ critically draining her of her energy, she may still not survive what came next. She should use what time she had to help. Still, she turned away, lowered herself, allowed her son to carry her to relative safety. He needed to try, and she would let him.

Senya ran towards the conflagration, shielding her eyes with one hand, pushing back at the lightning released by the fight with her power. The spirit took a moment to glance at her and, with the old hatred, said, “Hello, Mother.” Maybe she didn’t have to shout, but she did, “Vaylin! Let me help you!” Both of them laughed. She understood that. An ancient power returned to life that rivaled even Valkorion. Her daughter, that even such monsters feared, with reason. They thought she was helpless. Though locked in conflict with the spirit, Nihilus answered first, . “You? What can you do? Oh, you’re powerful compared to some, but you are nothing to us!” Then the other one answered. “Oh, let her make her little stand, her little promise. She won’t keep it. She’ll still leave me.” That stung. She felt the truth in it, at least Vaylin’s truth. She knew there was more to their story, but it still stung, more so because part of her agreed. She pushed the feeling down. Right or not, it wouldn’t serve anyone here. What should worry her was that she could hear the strain in Vaylin’s voice, see it in her face. Strain that her opponent, still smiling that arrogant smile, did not show Her own power was ebbing, and she started to feel both the pull of oblivion and the heat of the lightning. She would not have much time, and they were right, there was little she should do. She straightened up, saying to her real daughter, “No, Vaylin. I came for you once, and was too late. Not this time.” Little would have to do. She lunged, and struck into the heart of the storm. She could not tell for a moment if she had even connected. And then Nihilus, weakened from the fight, drained of the life it had absorbed from Darth Jadus, screamed. For the third time, Senya was blasted back, out of the fight, as her own powers failed her. As she always tried to do, she had done all she could. Perhaps she could finally be content with that.

Theron was still tending to Satele, giving her what little kolto he had to try to stabilize her, finding cover from the strengthening storm. Then, Arcann’s voice broke in to his thoughts again. Strangely, time slowed, much in the way the Commander had described talking to Arcann’s father. “Theron, you’ve done what you can for her. We have to join the fight.” “I know, I know! Just… give me a second.” “We no longer have a second.” Time began to move. Satele opened her eyes and looked into his. Of course she was telling him to leave her. “Fine. I’m going to have a talk with both of you if I live.” “As you wish. I shall hold on to this life so you can yell at me.” Was he developing a sense of humor? Never mind. Theron picked up his mother’s lightsaber as well as Arcann’s, ran toward certain death. Again. Must be Zhellday.

As Nihilus screamed, in her voice. It was vulnerable. The wound was small, but the thing had not felt pain in centuries. As she rushed to take advantage of it, she said, “Oh, Mother, your last act was hurting my body. How typical!” Still, as she called lightning again and again, she considered. She had mocked her mother, and now she might finally be dead, killed by accident in the fight between them. She should feel something, some satisfaction, that she had finally killed her, but didn’t. It was just that it hadn’t been her intent, and that it had been too quick. It had to be. But, Senya had known the risk, the odds of success, and had struck, anyway. And it had been to help her. The daughter that had hunted her, vowed to kill her after being spared. It was all so like before. She had turned her back on Senya, and stood with “Father” at the Sanitarium while the Knights had dragged her away. She shook her head. Sentiment was weakness. Whatever her reason, Senya had distracted Nihilus, had injured it. She continued to press the attack. She understood it. She would have burned the galaxy, too. Gleefully. But she would never let it use her to do the same.

Like Senya before him, Theron braved the blasts of energy, only Arcann’s strength protecting him. He could feel Arcann’s emotions. He wanted to go to his mother, as he had allowed Theron to do first. Even if it was only to say goodbye. First, though, he was going to fight for all of them. The lightning and entropy were stable, in balance, but that could not last forever. Nihilus could refuel itself, reach out and to the combatants outside, devour their lives. Vaylin had no such resource. The spirit looked over. There was a moment of shock, but she didn’t let it distract her. “Arcann?” “No, but he said to tell you he’s here.” Nihilus answered that with a laugh, saying, “More lives to feed me!” “He has a point,” Theron said. “You have another idea, I hope?” “I do. Get closer.” “Closer?!” “Trust me.” He didn’t. He couldn’t. But, really, why stop now? The spirit spoke from behind him. “What are you doing, Brother?” Theron shouted back, “He says it’s a trick he learned in the Enclave!” Now Nihilus. “What?” Theron imagined he could see a new energy, flowing from just in front of him, surroundomg Vaylin’s body, slowly sealing it, blocking it, cutting it off. Not from the Force, but from the remaining lives nearby. Her face looked shocked, just for an instant, before the flow of darkness around them quit, and all that was left was the lightning. He could feel Arcann’s spirit suddenly weaken. “What did you do?” He felt amusement. “I shielded it.” Theron didn’t really have time to digest that. He didn’t quite know what it meant. Then, Vaylin’s force ghost said, “Run, you idiot.” And then she laughed. Theron understood that just fine, and he ran.

The storm erupted from the throne room they had made such great sacrifices to reach, spilling out over the larger battle, the power obliterating the building and scattering the rubble. The twisted Force spirits that had killed so many of the Alliance forces turned to dust, then were not even that, just a dark mist in the gale. Finally, the sensitive could feel it as Nihilus was purged once more from the universe. For how long, they did not know. Hopefully forever. Kira had managed to protect herself, and some of those she had rallied, and was first into the remains of a monster’s dreams. First, she found the Grand Master, still alive, though barely. She left her in the care of one of the healers that had lived through the battle and continued the search. Theron, strangely, had apparently flung himself over Senya, who was exposed to whatever had happened. She leaned down and rolled him over to check both. Remarkably, Theron had weathered the blast with only slight injuries, somehow. She could feel a second energy in him, a presence that should not be there. Senya was badly burned, and had broken a leg and most likely some ribs, but had lived, also. In the center of the room, all that was left was a crater. Theron groaned but got to his feet, followed by Senya taking deep breaths. She started to sit up, reached for her belt and the weapon that wasn’t there, but Kira gently pushed her back. “It’s all right, don’t move, you’re badly injured.” Theron, oddly, reached down and touched Senya’s cheek. “Yes, you need your rest, don’t injure yourself further.” Senya lay back again, but then looked at Theron, and tears came to her eyes. “Oh, Arcann, my son, I’m so sorry. We shouldn’t have come.” That explained what she had felt. “Arcann? What have you done to Theron?” “Nothing, nothing, I’m right here. I’m just subletting for a little while.” He turned back to Senya. “No, we had to come. Too much was at stake. At least it wasn’t for nothing.” “What will happen to you?” “I will pass into the Force, like everyone does, eventually. I made a promise, and I won’t break it.” “It’s too much. I thought I could take it, accept it. But now, I’ve truly lost everything.” That’s when everyone who could felt it. Kira drew her saberstaff, and said, “Well, maybe not everything, though you might wish you had.” Theron looked over and just said, “Oh, no.” He’d been saying that too much for one day. She’d crawled out of the pit, her clothes, or rather the clothes Nihilus had put her in, torn, her hair disheveled. There was a clean cut down the side of her robes, from Senya’s lightsaber, but the glimpse they got of the flesh beneath looked whole, if scarred. She was looking down at the pieces of the mask he had worn in life, or what passed for it. It had been snapped in two. She looked up at them, and smiled again, though if there was any more warmth in it than Nihilus had shown, none of them could see it. “Don’t be so melodramatic, Mother, you’ll still have me.”

[hello-im-not-a-possum]

The biggest acquired fears of the BATIM FIFE cast.

Henry - Fear of deja vu and or being seen as a villain/hero. Luckily for him, the toons and Ink monsters tend to make his life calm enough for him to rest easy despite the circumstances but also make his life chaotic enough for him to not panic, better yet, most of them mentally register him as “Just some retired artist that was overhyped by Joey, but he’s made some cool works outside of the Bendy shit.” after things calm down.

Linda - She has a lot of weird, brand new fears stemming from this situation, but can’t really point to one and call it her biggest one. Top five are: Being torn apart and eaten, knowing that Joey has erased Henry’s memories of her before and that he could probably do that again, getting stuck in a time loop, losing her humanity and being warped into a parody version of herself, and Joey figuring out how to unlock their bedroom door.

Joey - Losing his memories and personality in the Ink, Sammy and Buddy do not help this fear by giving him the gory details about what it’s like to lose yourself to the ink first hand.

Wally - Being alone, abandoned, and or left immobile. His time spent as a sentient prop really did a number on his mental state.

Sammy - A lot of things, top five are: the notion of Itself in a romantic and or sexual relationship (liked romantic relationships before the studio, always hated sexual ones even before then, but now it fears being in one again. Platonic and or familial relationships are fine and cool.), losing its regained humanity, losing its recently gained godhood, the knowledge that it will never, ever be even close to being the man that it used to be and being constantly compared to him by old coworkers who also aren’t the people they used to be but refuse to acknowledge that because its changes are “more noticeable” and “He’s completely different now...” well, YOU try keeping your old ideals and personality when the world’s changing, you need to hold an entire town together for your ex-god’s sake, and there’s thousands of other peoples’ thoughts and views on you being dumped directly into your brain every given second you unsympathetic fuck, and Susie, it’s absolutely terrified of Susie.

Jack - The possibility of him having to be in the same hivemind with Joey. Thankfully for him, the former director just became a toon instead.

Norman - Losing his sentience again. He’s also cautious of being left alone with either the Ink Demon or Joey. The former because he’s afraid he’ll be killed again, and the latter because he’s afraid he won’t be able to stop himself from killing again.

Susie - Mirrors, Being used and or seen as stupid, and she’s also not a fan of being feared.

Allison - The woman she used to be, everything and anything she hears about her from anyone other than Tom is... ...not pleasant...

Thomas - Joey being romantically interested in him. (Sammy has hinted to him of this being a possibility due to how Joey shows his love and it makes him shudder.) He’s also afraid of others seeing him as Joey’s “right hand lapdog”.

Bertrum - Thomas. Learning just what the former mechanic was capable of made him see him in a new, more sinister light.

Lacie - Being rendered powerless and stuck in a chaotic situation completely out of her control. There’s a rumor in the Lost and Searching town that this fear of hers is what inspired her to take charge as the head of the council as she feared that without a leader for them to look up to, the town would spiral into chaos.

Grant - Not being able to live up to the (real and imagined) standards of their former leader as he looked up to it during their time in Ink hell. The town (Including Sammy itself AND its psychiatrist) tell him that he’s doing great and that he doesn’t need to try to replicate Sammy to lead them, but that fear still lingers...

Shawn - Himself, he finds it hard to control his new strength outside the studio and it terrifies him.

Emma - The toons. Specifically, she fears that her strict, uptight personality makes her seen as a ‘straight man’ to them and their antics.

Buddy - Getting lost to the Ink again and also the Ink Demon. Just because He behaves like a domesticated Saturday morning cartoon villain doesn’t mean He’s any less powerful than He was before, in fact, the former gofer assumes that He’s gotten even stronger now that He’s no longer being held back by Joey...

Dot - Fire and or getting burned.

Lord Inkwell “Inky” The Ink Demon - Sammy. He doesn’t show it because He thinks it’ll make Him look ‘weak’, but His ex-prophet really struck the fear of god into Him over the course of its journey, especially at the end of said journey when it killed and ate His mom.

Malice - Getting flicked off Susie’s shoulder. And or squashed, swatted, etc. While she’s thankful that she wasn’t destroyed or left to rot, she hates her new size and role as Susie’s shoulder demoness.

Deus Machina “The Ink Machine” - Once She learned what living was like, She feared having to lose it. But She feared the notion of losing Her only real friend and companion so much more than losing Her life.

Bendy - Being feared. He didn’t know how scary that was until his two doppelgangers turned his mischievous reputation into a malicious one.

Alice - The Ink Demon, something about him just makes him seem like the scariest demon she’s ever met, even worse than Papa Pluto himself...

Boris - Getting gutted.

[didon]

Rashta, Navier and the true villain of The Remarried Empress

Listen, I don’t like Rashta. I don’t think I really need to explain why as most people clearly don’t. I think that she’s using very underhanded techniques to get what she needs and more. Because we all need safety and she comes from a place and status where she clearly need reassurance and that’s understandable. I find her annoying though because of the way she act and how she manipulate people. That’s my opinion. Navier clearly isn’t the only one she has hurt though so we can maybe stop using a sexist term like “Mary Sue” to describe her. The same way we need to watch our language about Rashta.

Now, I do believe that most of the hate should go on the Emperor even though it won’t because fandom is always more willing to hate on a “handsome” man rather than on any woman no matter how beautiful they are. Especially if they uses that beauty like Rashta does which was very common and still is. Not only is he the one truly being an ass to his wife, but he could have easily had people teach Rashta how to behave from the get go. Instead, he enjoys her ignorance because it satisfy his idea that he is this great person that everybody would love if they met. He cannot understand why Navier hasn’t fallen for him, despite not loving her himself, and need someone to reassure him that he is the gift to humanity he was probably told he was a thousand times growing up. He’s the true villain because he hurts both of the women, uses them to get what he wants, etc. For those that have read to the right part, let’s remember what is divorce plan actually is and how ridiculous it is.

I don’t think though that people should blame Navier for being “cold” (not that I’m seeing it here but still). She’s a young woman who was raised with an immense amount of pressure on her and she was probably taught that every single one of her actions have consequences. They actually do because whoever she talks to can be seen as favored and therefore will probably boast about it. The clothes she wear have an influence, her hair, etc. She can’t even unburden herself on anybody because that would be seen as weakness and as the Emperess she’s not allowed to have any. She has “everything” but not really because she is alone and not allowed to truly want or need for anything. Heck, people would probably talk if she were to express anything because how dare she need/want for anything, her who already has everything. She’s not even allowed friends that don’t work for her per her husband driving them away. She’s a bird that’s locked in a cage at all time and yet isn’t allowed to sing because it would make the free birds outside cry. She didn’t choose her life either, she was forced into it by her family.

That wasn’t my point while starting this though. I wanted to ask since when did slavery = bad become a hot take? I get that this is fiction, etc. but what is fiction but a reflection of our world and our values. Yes there are places were men can have multiple wives and mistresses and the women can’t say anything about it, but that’s not the case in South Korea. We’re also not talking about adultery. We’re talking about the very fact that somebody can “own” another’s life and impose their will and desire onto them. No matter if it’s fantasy or anything like it, it’s never okay. I don’t know in which universe people live but seeing an abject crime against humanity done and go “but it’s fiction” isn’t a good reasoning. The same way pure racism isn’t okay because of “fiction” or abuse isn’t okay for the same reason. I get that Rashta isn’t the most pleasant character but still. Especially since we are told here that she might be paying for someone’s else crime. Imagine how ridiculous that is. Your ancestor stole a loaf of bread or flirted with the wrong woman and the leader of your country decided that generations after them must pay for them. I know we are told that only a true “horrible” crime result in slavery but that all depend on the leader and their view of what categorizes a horrible crime. For some historical leaders, being born was a crime. That’s not counting a mad leader deciding to make their enemies disappear by selling them into slavery. Does someone really deserve to be treated as less than human because they or their parents did not agree with the political leader?

Rashta is a victim of that and is a villain sure but at least we have actual reason for her doing what she does. She evolved from the naive and trustable person we met at first, but how can she not when she’s trust in a political world with no idea how to swim in it. She’s also very much aware that her origin make her less in everybody’s mind around her. Now, does everything she does is okay or the right course of action? Of course not it isn’t. She quickly loses her innocence and start playing the game just like everybody else but she doesn’t deserve hate for that. The same way she doesn’t deserve hate for trying to survive in a world of sharks. It’s not a question of not trusting the Emperor, which she is right to do by the way seeing how he’s treated his wife and how others are treated for doing less than she is, but a question of trying to come out of all of it with her head on her shoulders and enough to live on. Does she eventually get greedy? Maybe and in my actual opinion yes, but she didn’t start wanting to steal a husband and a kingdom from someone else. Men are constantly manipulating her and using her for their own wishes and she can’t turn toward any of the ladies either because she is very much aware of how precarious her situation is. Unlike Navier, she can’t rely on being raised for the role of mistress or even her losing her status causing a political problem. She’s a nobody being used by rich men as a plaything and trying to not come out as a loser. She might be going at it wrong, but she was never taught how to do it right and you have to remember all the men that are filling her with lies and mistrust. Because pretty much every single of her “schemes” have come from a man telling her a lie or giving her a bad advice.

What I think is very interesting in this webtoon is the duality of Rashta and Navier because in a way, they end up in similar situations. They are both women that have to survive court and nobles being faker than plastic while men are trying to use them for their own gains and who have nobody to truly be able to turn to. Eventually, Navier gains people like that, but the tragedy of Rashta is that she doesn’t. She might think she can trust some people, but none of the people around her truly have her best interest at heart. The best thing for her would have been for Navier to take her under her wing while Rashta refuses to be the Emperor’s mistress (I can never remember his name sorry). By having the very same position that grants her the “security” she so need and desire, Rashta put her best ally in an enemy position and that’s what’s going to be her downfall. She might be annoying and pushing it sometimes, but we know she will drown because she’s never been taught otherwise. That’s why the true villain will always have to be the Emperor because he’s not only the one who pitted the two women by taking one as a mistress while married to the other one, but he never took the time to truly help his mistress, expecting others and especially Navier to do so for him. He could have brought her back to the palace as a guest only and Navier would have probably taken Rashta under her wing like she does for many others, but by making her a rival to Navier, he destroyed any chances she had to be able to leave him and survive which I think was something he did deliberately. There’s no way he wouldn’t have known that this would be the actual ending. He wanted to keep Rashta bound to him until he was done with her otherwise he would have asked Navier to help set her up with housing and maybe even a job. Instead, he probably held her status and her gender against her and decided to use her beauty for himself.

The lesson of this story in my opinion isn’t that beautiful women shouldn’t be trusted or that you have to be pure of heart and your history a blank slate to be worthy or anything like that but instead a lesson for women on who to trust and that we are stronger together than separated. It’s also a very clear lesson on how appearances can be wrong and it asks us the reader to truly wonder what makes someone a villain. Does wanting to survive in a hostile world make you one? Does not wanting to let someone take what is yours and what you have worked for your entire life does? Or does wanting to use others for your advantage, control them and force them to need you make you a villain?

[where-theres-smoak-2]

Hiya 👋 I find it fascinating when people point out stuff about main characters that are brushed over and was I was wondering what’s your top reasons you dislike Alina and what scenes made you dislike her / made no sense.

Well I don't dislike Alina in the show but in the books I do think she is badly written. But here are some things that made the book character less appealing to me than the show.

I think the main one is her complete lack of agency. She very rarely makes any decisions for herself and just seems to go along with what everyone else (mostly male characters) say. There is a problem and instead of Alina being the one to make a decision or think of a solution she is told this is what we are going to do by either, M*l, Nikolai or the apparat. She is pushed around the plot by others actions instead of taking control herself and so often appears more as a puppet than as a commander or influential person in herself. For example in the show Alina is the one who tells M*l that they should seek the stag and kill it for it's amplification powers before the darkling does. Yet in the books this decision isn't hers but M*l's and Alina just goes along with it. There are also several instances where she clearly doesn't agree with the course of action or doesn't want to do something and yet she does it anyway, an example of this is when Nikolai and M*l want to attack the Volcra nest in the fold. She clearly has qualms about it but ends up folding to their will, another example is M*l insisting that once the fold and the darkling are destroyed that they seek a way to remove the amplifier, again this is something Alina doesn't want to do but she agrees with M*l and doesn't tell him her true desire. So what we end up with is a female protagonist who very much seems to be a pawn to the male characters in the book.

Another thing I disliked about the character's storyline is that she was often the victim of men, held captive and used to their advantage and this included one the supposed heroes. The darkling takes her captive twice wanting to use the amplifiers and control her to meet his own goals, Nikolai also at one point takes her captive and only really gives her freedom back to her because she agrees to help him, and the apparat takes her captive so that he can use her to gain religious power over the masses. She also never gets herself out of these situations, she just accepts her situation and waits to be rescued, for others to save her so that they too can use her for their own gain. I find this theme of her either being a victim of men or the pawn of one really worrying.

Another issue with the way she is written which again ties into the two above is that she is made far too dependant on M*l. Not only does she make herself very ill by suppressing her powers to stay with M*l but when her powers are revealed her refusal to let go of her attachment to M*l means that she struggles to master her powers, she becomes physically unable to summon because her refusal to let M*l go. Later in book two and three she spends a lot of time pining after him and getting in arguments about their positions of power. M*l feels useless and resents Alina's new position and power, he wants things to go back to how they were. He really does hold her back in many ways and this really should have been a love that they both grew out of but instead despite it being made obvious that they don't really fit together they both refuse to let the other go which means one or the other has to make sacrifices in order for them to be together. Not only that but Alina often puts M*l's needs, wants and safety above the greater good, rather than save the grisha or other vulnerable people she will safe M*l even going so far as to let 30-40 innocent people die in the fold so that she can save his life. This co-dependant relationship that she has with M*l is very unhealthy and toxic which would be ok if this was recognised within the narrative and then steps were taken to fix it, but instead this relationship is presented as some grand love story despite how damaging it truly is to Alina. In the Tv adaption they show us that Alina can be very happy and actually thrive without M*l in ep 5, its the happiest we ever see her and the most confident, yet she never gets this opportunity in the books.

Alina is also very insecure and jealous and we often see her pitted against other females, in particular Zoya. If there is one thing I really am not a fan of its authors pitting women against women particularly when it is over a man. Throughout all of the books Alina is insecure that Zoya is more beautiful than her and is insecure about her own looks, particularly when is comes to M*l, she is often jealous believing M*l will be turned by other pretty girls instead of him staying loyal to her. She often worries that she won't be good enough as the Sun Summoner and that the people will come to hate her. Again all of this would have been fine if it were limited to just the beginning of her story arc and it was something she overcame, but she never really does. She often comes across as being quite sulky as well. There was this one quote that I kept seeing in the tag that Alina says which is 'I am the Sun Summoner. It gets dark when I say it does.' Obviously before reading the books I kept wondering the circumstances of her saying this. It is a bit of a badass quote so naturally I was imaging all kinds of grand, dramatic scenarios, her shouting it across the battlefield to the darkling, her saying it in a war meeting as they are making plans as a way of instilling hope and confidence in her troops. So you can imagine my disappointment when it is actually said whilst she is lying outside on the ground, sad and feeling sorry for herself. When presented with a problem or a wrench in a plan she doesn't rally her team and try to come up with a solution instead she just sulks which as a reader I found very frustrating. The thing is both Alina and M*l are written as rather realistic teenagers, but the problem is this doesn't fit the world they are living in. They live in a world based off imperial russia and yet the characters do not behave as if they are, instead they act like they are modern day teenagers attending high school with petty jealousy and childhood crushes.

There is also her identity as a grisha and relationship with the grisha. One of the more interesting aspects of the grisha trilogy is the grisha's story, their oppression and their fight to be recognised as human beings and equals. Yet Alina shows very little care for the Grisha. In fact to me it seems like the author just made Alina grisha to serve the plot. Alina is grisha because the narrative needs her to be, they need her to be powerful enough to defeat the villainous darkling and destroy the fold. Instead of striving to improve things for the Grisha Alina supports the monarchy that has spent centuries oppressing them. The moment LB no longer needs Alina to be grisha she is stripped of the identity and the grisha are left in their misery in a world that still hunts, kills and enslaves them.

Alina is also often punished in the narrative by other characters but also by herself. She is often shamed for the attraction she felt towards the darkling and is called things like stupid girl. Not only is she blamed for falling for the darkling's manipulation she is also told she is greedy and power hungry for seeking out the amplifiers and political power. It's a very twisted message that is sent because we are told she is seeking the amplifiers to stop the villain which is a heroic cause and yet we are also told that she is doing out of greed. There seems to be this message that women should not seek power or a change in their position because that means they are greedy and evil.

Then after three books of the protagonist being used as a chess piece by the men in the story she gets one of the worst endings a heroine could. Both Nikolai and M*l get what they want in the end but its at a cost to Alina, Nikolai gets the Ravkan throne and M*l gets the quiet farm life with Alina as his wife. But Alina loses her powers and the position of power she got with them. The two things she explicitly asks for and tells us she desires, her position as general of the second army and her powers/amplifiers. In fact she even tells us in the second book that given a choice she would not give up her powers not even for M*l. Yet that is what happens and worse than that the narrative tells us that she was wrong and greedy for seeking power and influence, they present this ending she gets as a happy one because she gets to spend her life with M*l living a nice normal life. As a reader I found this difficult to except because the character had told us on many occasions that it was not what she wanted, we are shown often how miserable she is without her powers and yet we are expected to believe that this was some wonderful fairytale ending for her when it seems like whilst the men got their happy ever afters it was at the expense of Alina.

There is probably more but before this turns into a full on rant I think it best to leave it here.

[sepublic]

Amelia’s Alzheimer’s?

           From what Owen Dennis told us, Book 5 of Infinity Train would’ve been a movie, covering Amelia’s takeover of the train… Which, I don’t know if Book 5 would’ve gone over her takeover, AND her eventual arc post-Book 3, but; I believe the implication is that like Book 4, this movie would’ve been a pure prequel, set in the past. A good look and further contextualization of Amelia’s past sins and how she got into the headspace she now has, in order to set up for a future Book where she finally gets her proper arc.

           That leaves just three other books… One about Guilt, the next about Revenge, and the last of Acceptance. Book 5 is about Grief fittingly enough, and we know that Book 8 (Acceptance) would’ve delved into a passenger with alzheimer’s, whose condition would’ve kept them from engaging with the Infinity Train’s intended function properly. Owen Dennis mentioned how this final season would’ve been based on his own experiences with his grandfather, who had a similar issue in the past.

           It’s easy to assume that Book 8 would’ve been about a whole new character, which leaves either Books 6 or 7 for the resolution to Amelia’s arc- But what if that’s not the case? The Book 8 protagonist would be pretty old, presumably, so…

           …What if Amelia was the Book 8 protagonist? What if, by the end of the series, Amelia’s age would’ve caught up to her, and she’d start developing alzheimer’s- Further complicating her attempts to get her number down, especially when she can no longer remember Alrick like she used to!

           Think about it- Amelia as the final protagonist would be a neat book-end to the series, given how we began with her as the final antagonist of Book 1. The show starts and ends with Amelia, who alongside One-One and Samantha the Cat (and arguably Randall) are basically the core, central tenet characters of the entire show. The resolution of Infinity Train is the resolution of Amelia, who serves as the passenger most entwined with the train, having once been its conductor even!

           Not only that, but with how Amelia’s character serves as a means of criticizing and showing the fallibility of the Infinity Train, how she’s able to game the system, how she works in a place to criticize One-One’s direction with it… And her having to deal with alzheimer’s could continue that theme of Amelia’s character being a commentary on the flaws of the Infinity Train, if it can’t account for her memory loss!

           Amelia’s memory loss would be difficult to work with, if we’d only gotten to know her in just Book 8; But now we have Books 1, 3, 4, and 5 (at the very least!) to bring background and context to her life-story, and it’s a LONG one too! Setting up Amelia’s past in great detail, going into the intricacies across the entire show… It could be setting up the audience to remember all of this, when Amelia herself can’t- So we can get a better idea of her frustration, of how she ended up here when Amelia herself is confused, etc.! We gain a deep and intimate understanding of Amelia’s past for her, in preparation for the memory loss of Book 8.

           Owen talking about how Book 8 would’ve been based on his own experiences, watching his grandfather deal with amnesia- From a meta sense, the audience could serve Owen’s role! We’re the younger people, watching Amelia, our favorite old lady, grow across the series… We get attached to her, she’s basically like family, so naturally it hits harder to see her lose her memory. It’d be a meta way for Owen to really capture what he experienced in real life, by having the audience take his position when observing the character of Amelia.

           From an in-universe standpoint, perhaps Hazel could serve as the proxy for Owen! She’s more or less Amelia’s daughter in the technical and arguably figurative sense- We don’t know exactly how their relationship would progress, and the last time we had hopes of Found Family for Hazel, it didn’t quite work out… But regardless. Perhaps Hazel, as a kid with relation to the older Amelia, would’ve gotten to grow up with her surrogate caretaker, learn to value and appreciate her and vice-versa; And then we see from Hazel’s pained perspective, the loss of Amelia’s memories. Perhaps Amelia losing her memories of her times with Hazel, even!

           This could tie Amelia and Hazel’s stories together, especially with how linked the two are, with Hazel resulting from Amelia’s failed attempts to bring back Alrick! And Hazel has a few of Amelia’s memories- She remembers taking ballroom dance lessons, because Amelia was drawing upon those memories when trying to recreate Alrick. Hazel could serve as a young guide to comfort Amelia, a genuinely emotional connection, someone who remembers what Amelia can’t, in the absence of Alrick.

           Book 8 would’ve been about Acceptance- AKA the final part of the 5 stages of Grief, when dealing with the death of a loved one… And Grief is the theme of Book 5, Amelia’s origin story! Amelia would accept the death of Alrick at the end of Book 8, and perhaps Hazel could learn to accept the death of Tuba and another family member in Amelia… In the sense that yes, Amelia is leaving her too- But Hazel will learn to move past Tuba’s death, and perhaps her own experience can help Amelia as well. They can grieve for Amelia’s memories, for Alrick, etc.

           It’d also be an interesting and frustrating challenge for Amelia- As someone who no doubt has at least some pride in her intellect and mind, having her own mind start to degrade… It’d really put her into an interesting headspace, and force Amelia into that acceptance of what is inevitable, that some things she really can’t change. And of course, this could deal with theme of acceptance, of how Amelia clings to her past with Alrick; Having her memories of him start to fade could really shake this up, and force her to re-evaluate her life and values, her priorities… Perhaps decide to instead focus on the Now and Future, accepting that her past with Alrick is not only long-gone, but possibly due to be forgotten. That she can love and appreciate what it did for her, but Amelia has no choice but to move on- Even without those memories, without that past, she still has a future with Hazel and everyone else to keep living for.

           For all we know, Samantha the Cat could even come into play here! She’s someone with access to people’s tapes, among them none other than Amelia’s- And before she gave it to Simon, Samantha also had the ability to create new tapes from passengers on the go. Samantha is a long-lived denizen, at least about 150+ years old, she’s lived and seen the entirety of Amelia’s reign, and was likely there since the very beginning; Owen Dennis did allude to Samantha being present in Book 5… Specifically, he suggested that us seeing Samantha kill someone was a possibility, amidst One-One or Amelia committing murder instead; And that of course suggests that, regardless of whether or not the Cat kills someone in Book 5, she’d still be a prevalent character.

           Samantha having that past with Amelia, and her own conniving nature, could possibly lead to her conflicting with Hazel, perhaps recounting memories differently, or trying to tell them in a way that’d sway Amelia to her side, who knows? It’s also worth noting that she’s someone who has regret and loss in Simon… So perhaps if she served as a central cast member for Book 8 (befitting my point about Amelia being a book-ends kind of character), Samantha would’ve learned to accept the death of Simon, and/or help Hazel and Amelia move on as well. It’d be a fitting and appropriate farewell, I believe, to have Amelia and Samantha, two main-stays since the beginning, have their arc at the very end of the series.

           And Hazel? Hazel could be representative of a new generation, to step up and take the mantle passed down. One-One’s own input would be fascinating, because like Samantha and Hazel, he has quite the past with Amelia, and a lot of significance and understanding of her sins. And with his control of the Infinity Train, I can see him attempt to recreate Amelia’s destroyed tape, or even try to create a new tape for her, to try and get around Amelia’s memory loss. The Infinity Train selectively deciding which memories it only thinks are important could lead to disagreement with One-One and conflict, exposing the flaws of the system- And/or, the Infinity Train might come across a roadblock because it can’taccess Amelia’s memories anymore!

           This could be a culmination for One-One’s arc as well, as seeing his failure to account and accommodate Amelia’s alzheimer’s, leads him to decide to make MAJOR reforms to the Infinity Train as a result! Maybe he’ll even stop the whole process of kidnapping passengers (while still letting the denizens function and roam freely). Him and Amelia have an unusual, kind of at-odds but not really, sort of frenemy relationship; They’re working together, they’ve been enemies, they’ve collaborated, each was the reigning conductor at one point. We could have Samantha as someone with negative recollections of her time with Amelia, One-One with overall netural ones, and Hazel with positive associations! Three different people with different pasts and interactions with Amelia, to provide their own input on their time with her, and thus help her rediscover her past…

           …Or, at the very least- Come to terms and accept who she is, and finally move on. And, it goes without saying that Amelia’s dilemma with her huge number could be complicated by her Alzheimer’s, if she can’t remember things- And it’d be interesting to see how it might fluctuate, if at all. Perhaps Amelia’s progress actually gets pretty good, but THEN the memory loss begins to kick in, and that frustrates her. It’d teach the lesson that progress is not linear, that sometimes you might backtrack, you might think you’re so close, only to have retread the same path… And sometimes you’re tired of the journey and just want to get to the destination, to the final stop at the end of the railroad. We could have Amelia learn to accept help from others, to not try and seize control for herself as all-powerful Conductor, to gain some humility amidst her pride in her own ability and intellect…

           We could have Amelia awkwardly navigate the train without her memories, stumbling across and slowly figuring out what needs to be done in order to lower her number, with just the number’s movement as an indicator, and no memories to work off of! Her only hints are whenever her number moves to a certain situation, so Amelia really has to work backwards… Through trial and error, figure out what needs to be done; Perhaps a callback to Grace and Simon, who had no guidance and struggled with figuring out what their numbers expected of them.

          It’d be an interesting book-end to THAT point, especially since it was Amelia who unknowingly contributed to Grace misinterpreting the function of her number, so then having Amelia rectify this with herself, learning to properly figure out what her number means, and then accepting that without going into denial like Simon did… It’d really show the growth of her, but also the series, and of course the fact that Grace and Simon were literal kids, and Amelia is a seasoned adult. And of course, there’s the existential questions, if Amelia is a different person without her memories, if those sins still apply if she can’t remember them anymore, if she’s essentially disconnected and detached, etc.

          We might see Amelia operate without any memories of her grief with Alrick, see how she is without that- And it might concern and frustrate Amelia, because she could conflate moving past Alrick, as being the same as getting rid of him truly… And the memory loss certainly doesn’t help. Who is she without her memories? It could lead to an identity crisis that echoes back to Book 2’s themes. Amelia without memories might learn to rediscover herself by looking into her past, perhaps existing without recollection, just this number she slowly figures out how to lower. Perhaps having a new, more detached/objective look at her own past, from a perspective as someone who doesn’t remember them, so it feels like the recollections of a stranger- It might contribute to Amelia really coming to terms with happened, with herself, and finally Acceptance.

           It really could be the culmination of the series; With how the age of protagonists for each Book gets progressively older, Amelia’s elderly age and Alzheimer’s would’ve been the end of the line, the final stop/destination for the train. It’d make Amelia the central Passenger of the show, who we’ve been following since Book 1, watching her progress, in a sense seeing her grow up- And then finally seeing her grow old and suffer from Alzheimer’s. The journey of the Infinity Train could be the journey of Amelia, from her boarding the train, to the final destination, literally and figuratively. It could tie into the arcs of Hazel, Samantha, and One-One, and finally deconstruct the Infinity Train with an outsider who did exactly like that!

           What do you guys think? I think it’d be quite the experience to watch Amelia grow and struggle as a person, so it really does feel personal and intimate to us, when we know her memories, only for Amelia herself to lose them... A fascinating, bittersweet study and journey of Amelia, but one we accept, because the journey made the destination worthwhile.

[sassooda]

Worlds Away JJK AU / Chapter 19 - Kill Two Birds with One Stone

w/c - 6,456

               “Itadori would you please go get Gojo from his room? This mission is urgent and he’s still not picking up.” Nanami is sitting at his new desk attempting to organize the copious amounts of assignments for the day. ‘There’s a surge of curses, I wonder why?’ He lays all the cases out in front of him, “It looks like you’re with Elska today…you can kill two birds with one stone when you get there then.”

               “Yea not a problem! They’ll probably want some of this too!” Itadori holds up a family sized bag of miniature chocolates with a smile of his face. He waits for Nanami to look up from his desk but he doesn’t, he just scowls into the workload in front of him before running his fingers through his combed blonde hair. “Ok, well…I’ll be back.” He leaves Nanami to turn into the hall in the direction of Gojo and Elska’s room.

               “Itadori where are you going?” He hears Megumi call out to him so he turns around to continue walking backwards. He trips at first but laughs to himself as he sees a smirk form on Megumi’s face.

               “I have to go wake up Gojo sensei! Wanna come?” He holds up the chocolate to try to entice Megumi but he’s not as big of a fan of sweets.

               “Keep your cavities but sure, I need to talk to him about something anyways.” Megumi jogs now slightly to reach Itadori who turns back around to walk forwards as he approaches. They walk in a comfortable silence until meeting the door.

               “Wait won’t Elska be here too? What if they’re not decent?” Megumi finds himself blushing at the thought and is clearly shy about the likelihood. “I’m going to wait here…”

               “I doubt they just walk around naked but alright, I’ll go in first.” Itadori assures Megumi with confidence as he opens the door. The first thing he notices is the extra set of shoes and recognizes them as Toji’s. He shuts the door quickly to look back at Megumi as he’s not sure what’s on the other side. He worries there was a fight and maybe Toji got the best of Gojo which would explain why he’s not answering...although he finds that possibility incredible. “I’ll give you a signal!” He smiles the best he can without hinting to his uncertainties.

               Megumi leans his shoulder against the wall and pulls out his phone to scroll through while waiting.

               Itadori takes in the floor first. “What the fu-…” he sees the destroyed and fragmented wood that looks like a body may have been smashed into and is instantly alarmed. He hears shifting in the bed and runs over to the foot of it, not being prepared for what was there. He’s taking in the rest of the room on his way and notices the clothes all scattered about. His eyes widen upon switching his gaze to the bed though, the sight stopping him dead in his tracks.                  

               He sees three familiar faces and now familiar bodies. Toji, Elska and Gojo, in that order from left to right. All three of them are completely naked but Toji’s right arm rests over Elska’s breast and Gojo’s left arm drapes over her womanhood as his hand cups around her right thigh. He drops the bag of candy and stands there stunned, staring in awkward silence until a voice appears.

               “Now this is my kind of party!” Sukuna’s mouth has taken shape onto Itadori’s cheek, his eye on the side straining to get a better view.

               “Sukuna shut up! You’re going to wake them!” Itadori’s placing a hand over his cheek to muffle the lewdness of the curse that lives within him. “AHH fuck!” Itadori removes his hand to see that it’s been bitten in protest.

               “Runt, this is adult time…you however, are going into timeout.”

               “Sukuna no, don’t yo-…”

               Elska hears voices and groans in response, not feeling she’s had enough sleep. She opens her eyes slightly with reluctance in assumption that Satoru is being noisy as usual, forgetting that Toji was there as well.  “Sati come on, it’s still early.” She hears a familiar ominous deep chuckle that erases her ease and immediately opens her eyes fully and into focus. She moves her head from under Toji’s chin and is frozen as she makes eye contact with the tattooed larger version of Itadori at the foot of the bed. His markings resemble tribal lines that wrap around his arms and legs, across his chest back and face. He’s licking his lips as his eyes travel all over her body.

               “Sukuna…”

               “I didn’t think that much of you before but all women look better nude.” A wide grin appears on his face as he looks at the two men on either side of her. “You needed both to get off huh?” His tone is demeaning, “Maybe you should try a curse instead…unless you’re just that much of a whore?”

               His words sting her as she lies there, slowly remembering the crazy sequence of events that took place the night before. ‘Oh my god…that’s right…’ She looks over at Toji and then to Gojo and becomes red-faced as they lay intertwined with the white bedsheets. She’s now reaching behind her for a pillow to cover with while she’s sitting up. “Itadori! Please, come back!”

               Sukuna twitches for a moment before losing his temper at what could be assumed as Itadori fighting to regain control. He starts with a glare but his face proceeds to change to a lifted eyebrow. “You’ve… grown stronger since we last met.” His hateful expression is now replaced completely with a commanding curiosity. “I wonder what we would create hmm?” He crawls onto the bed as his energy materializes six chains that hang above and around him, intended for her. “Why don’t I show you my domain and we can converse further about this there?” His right hand reaches out for her ankle to snatch it up and drag her towards him but she was too quick. “You little wench, get the fuck over here!” He sends the chains into her direction with an angry and malevolent smiling face.

               “Shit! GUYS!” She jumps to her feet on the bed and lets out the loud demon shriek to open her wings to shield the men and herself. The wings opened immediately and she wonders why there wasn’t a delay but also is grateful. One of Sukuna’s chains latch around her right wrist, the rest luckily being blocked and ricocheting off of her metal feathers. She feels the tug on the chain that has secured itself to her arm and is pulled down to her knees a few inches forward. “What...do you want?!”  She struggles to keep her distance while the men beside her finally come to but screams upon the curse grasping at her wings.

               “I believe we could make something incredibly monstrous!” He laughs in exhilaration as he clearly enjoys a little of bit of chase, ensnaring his prey. All four of his eyes are trained on her as he considers the evil and raw power that lurks inside of them both.

               Toji wakes and without thinking grabs Sukuna’s chain attached to her, burning the flesh of his palm and fingers instantaneously. “ARGH!” He only tightens his grip however and begins to pull the chain towards himself to create slack for Elska. “WHAT THE FUCK KID?” He’s screaming in shock as he literally just woke up to this fight taking place right next to him. He doesn’t understand at first that it’s the boy’s been overthrown.

               Satoru warps next to Sukuna, to which the immense curse actually halts his maniacal laughter upon the registration of Satoru’s presence and force. He turns his head to meet Satoru’s warm yet eerie smile with his eyes widened. “Great, now I have to deal with this shaman fuck again.”

               “Domain expansion…” Satoru lifts his hand in between their faces as he wraps his index and middle finger around each other. He looks over to Toji as warning, the severity in his eyes said it all. He doesn’t want to hurt Itadori and he has to gain control of the situation immediately to avoid doing so.

               “FUCK! Doll we have to MOVE!” He wraps the chain around his hand once and his other arm around Elska’s waist and jumps off the bed towards the other side of the room. His strength is so outstanding that he actually launches them through the wall over the dining table and into the hallway. Toji’s back and left shoulder take the brunt of the impact but he’s also cut across the chest by Elska’s wings in the process. The chain searing his flesh is tugged on by some unknown force of Sukuna’s in a last attempt to drag Elska with them but Toji’s hold prevents his success. “THINK AGAIN FUCKER.”

               “…Infinite Void.” As soon as the words leave Gojo’s lips a large purplish and black sphere forms around him and Sukuna. As it quickly grows, it swallows the majority of the bed only leaving pieces of pillows. The part of the floor where Elska’s wings were stuck from the previous night remain untouched, but the good parts in between were sucked into its diameter as well. The chain attached to Elska’s wrist is broken with the connection to Sukuna being cut off and it dissipates into black smoke.  

               “Toji are you alright?!” She looks to his melted skin and the cuts received from her metal feathers as he’s standing them up from his imprint into the wall. “You need to feed or see Shoko!” He grabs her and holds her into him, them both understanding that was a close call. She hears his heartbeat as he embraces her and tries to work on controlling her own as she releases her wings. “You’re hurt!”

               “I’m fine Doll, are you ok? Did it burn you too?” He lifts her wrist with his good hand to inspect it only to find that her skin remains intact and unharmed. “That’s pretty strange…but I ain’t complaining.” He smiles to her before looking behind her to see Megumi’s surprised face while in stance for a fight. His eyes are fixed onto the two of them, not expecting to find his father here, let alone bare assed at that.

               “Elska! And…Da-…Toji?” He was so riled about unexpected chaos that he didn’t fully filter the word that almost left his mouth and into their ears, not even realizing it initially. “What are you two doing?!” He takes in their bareness is and is completely confused. He looks to the domain that has eaten ¾ of the room and his mouth drops. “ITADORI! Why is Gojo using his domain?!”

               “Megumi! Sukuna came out and attacked us. I don’-…” She interrupted by Megumi’s frustration.

               “It’s happening more frequently then…” Megumi’s eyes are heavy with sadness as he knows this means that Itadori is likely losing overall control, which isn’t good for his friend. He’s swarmed with panic knowing how protective Gojo usually is over Elska. “Gojo isn’t going to kill him is he!?”

Megumi finds himself able to breathe as the sphere disappears to reveal Gojo standing with the unconscious Itadori in his arms. “That was way too close…” He’s half snickering as he exhales. Through the hole in the wall that gave to Elska and Toji’s rush, Satoru’s face can be seen holding the weighted expression of guilt. Satoru knows that he’s directly responsible for the boy’s strife, he just wasn’t one to care all of those years ago.

Everything his domain touched has ceased to exist, there’s just a giant spherical crater where the parts of the room used to be, exposing the floor beneath, the room beside them and the one above them as well. He looks up to Toji and Elska, “Are you ok love?” He sets down Itadori against the broken wall on the inside of the room.

               She nods to him in reply, wondering what would have happened had Toji not removed them both from its circumferential reach. She has been inside of his breathtaking domain before, but he was able to tweak its parameters to make it safe for her to be in there. If he doesn’t do that though, there’s no chance of survival once encompassed, unless he allows it. When you are in another’s domain, a rare technique that only some shaman and intelligent curses can produce, you’re left to the whims of their mind being as the domain itself is an outward reproduction of it.

               He walks towards them, reaching towards Elska as he nears. When he gets to her, he leans down and kisses her as she’s being held by Toji. He places his lips on her forehead as well and then rests his chin in her hair while he brings his right hand to hold behind her head, closing his eyes in a moment of relief. ‘What if I hadn’t been here?’

               “What the hell is all of this?!” Nanami found himself joining them after the clear indication that Satoru opened his domain, his presence being awe inspiring with its level of sheer superiority. “Why are the three of you nake-…” He lowers his voice as he takes in Gojo, Toji and Elska’s nudity, embarrassed at the sight. “Oh…erm…right.” He’s fighting his eyes for proper placement as a small part of him wishes to see more of Elska but like before, she’s literally in another man’s arms…well two now technically. The thought escapes him though as he remembers there’s more pressing matters at hand. He takes off his suit jacket and walks it over to Elska with his head turned away. Toji removes his arms so that it can be rested upon her shoulders to give her body some cover. She thanks him genuinely as she uses her hands to hold it closed from the inside as best as possible.

               “You’re too young my boy, 22 don’t mean shit.” Toji laughs to obliterate the awkward staring of Megumi, not wanting to be mean or rude about the territorial claim. He remembers being that age too and doesn’t necessarily blame him for looking. ‘He really is my son.’ He smirks proudly at him.

               “I have no idea what’s going on anymore, are you three together or something?” Megumi is shy with his questioning, looking over in Itadori’s direction with a frustrated pout. He notices that the boy is starting to stir and his slumped face regains some ease. Elska and Toji freeze to his question, not knowing how to answer it.

               Gojo chimes in, “Well Toji here loves me so much you see and so does she. Figured I could share myself with them both! Toji is such predator that he wouldn’t take my ‘no’ for an answer…so here we are!” He throws on the dumbest grin as he tries to save the boy from the weird truth of their situation. He doesn’t know how he’d explain it anyways.

               Toji extends an arm without sound and pushes Satoru backwards as the silver shaman cackles to the extremely low tolerance of the massive man. He doesn’t fall but pretends to stumble into Nanami, to which he wraps an arm around his shoulder.

               “Nanamin…looks like you’re my guy now!” Satoru puckers his lips inches next to Nanami’s face.

               “If you don’t get your dick off of my suit Satoru…so help me god…I will use my technique to cut it. Cover yourself.” Nanami’s eyes are closed and his head lowered in frustration as he uses his thumb and middle finger to push his glasses into his face.

               Satoru laughs some more but steps away from the man and grabs a folded napkin from the drywall littered table against the wall behind them, it still had their dishes from the night before. He unfolds the napkin and holds it over himself before making eye contact with Nanami again. “OK! Done!” He then can’t help himself but to sway his hips so that his member flops underneath. No one other than Elska laughs and he soon stops seeing that Nanami is overcome with seriousness. “What is it Nanamin?”

               “There’s a special grade curse you’ve been assigned. We actually all have missions this morning.” He looks to Toji’s muscular scarred body just to assess his injuries not as annoyed over his nudity. He’s at least trying to remain covered by Elska, “Are you alright to fight like that? You should head to Shoko.”

               Toji huffs to this, “Yea I’m fine, this isn’t anything…” The cuts along his chest weren’t deep, they were just plentiful in number. ‘Those things should’ve sliced right through me…’ His amazement is clear as he assesses his body’s ability to withstand her new feathers, not entirely comprehending the cause. He looks to Elska and then over to Megumi, who’s still in a bad mood and looking to the floor. His eyes meet back to Nanami, “Which one am I taking?”

               “You and Megumi can team up. Elska and Itadori are supposed to… wait,” Nanami looks around the room realizing the pink haired boy wasn’t there but then sees him on the floor sitting up against the wall. “What happened to Itadori?”

               “Sukuna.” Satoru answers.

               Nanami’s brow furrows even further to this, also understanding that was not a good thing. “Ok well if Itadori’s down for the count then you may have to go on your own.” He looks over to Elska, not having enjoyed saying that. He studies her a moment with regret as he doesn’t like the idea of it either.

               “Not happening, she doesn’t go alone.” Toji is suspicious of the situation already, knowing that this kind of surge in curses wouldn’t be on the natural side of things. “What if this is a trap? Why isn’t she with Gojo?” He’s already running through possibilities in his mind before he finishes the sentence.

               Itadori is awake now and leans forward with a dazed look but quickly comes to his senses, “You guys! I’m so sorry, I didn’t mea-…”

               Gojo perks up and runs over to the boy, “Hey it’s ok, it’s not your fault. Sukuna should be suppressed for a while now, I took the fight the out of him.” He smiles down to Itadori and extends a hand to lift him off of the ground. He pulls him up and he’s wobbly on his feet initially.

               “Maybe we should still have him sit this one out…” Nanami doesn’t doubt Satoru’s words but feels it may be for the best, although that wrenches everything.

               “I’m fine, really! I actually feel better than before!” Itadori looks around the room and smiles while standing, “I don’t have the usual mental strain which makes it even better!” He looks to Nanami with seriousness, “Plus I don’t want El to have to go alone… not when I’m capable.”

               Satoru brings his hand to his chin, dropping his napkin slightly before remembering to keep it upon himself. “I think he’ll be ok Nanamin, like I said I suppressed Sukuna.”

               Toji has maintained silence while lost in his thoughts as he recalls the plans that were shared with him while he worked for Getou. “They want her and the kid, I feel like this is weird, Gojo.”

               “Nanamin, send me the info on mine and I’ll warp there.” He looks to Elska and Itadori, “By the time I’m done you should only be arriving to yours. I’ll be back up just in case.” Satoru now looks to Toji to see if that was a good enough plan.

               “I still don’t like it but that’s better…I guess.” He reaches out for Elska’s hand as he holds her fingertips with a pit in his stomach. “Doll, I need you to be extra careful, ok?” He turns to Itadori, “I can’t believe I’m saying this but I’m counting on you kid…do not let me down.” Itadori responds with a serious head nod.

               Nanami pulls his phone out of his pocket and sends everyone their designated locations, Satoru’s first though. He looks up to everyone in the hall, “Alright that should do it.” He shifts his stance as he also forms doubt over the surge, something he knew was odd immediately, “Everyone, be on guard.”

               Satoru walks back towards Elska from Itadori and bends down to give her a kiss. “Ok love, I’ll be right behind you.” He sighs as she looks up to him with confidence, smiling back but he’s also beginning to worry. The last time he ignored his gut he paid dearly for it by getting sealed.

               “Oh we’ve got this.” She looks to Itadori with absolutely no caution in regards to Sukuna. ‘If Sati said he’s suppressed, then he’s suppressed.’ She trusts them both, knowing they wouldn’t put her in a dangerous situation if they knew better.

               “Alright love, I’ll see you soon.” He pecks her on the head not wanting to leave but knowing its best he does sooner than later. He darts his eyes to Itadori as he wears a faint smile. ‘They don’t need to know yet.’ Referring to the quick conversation between himself and Sukuna while they were in his domain. There was a reason he was so confident about Sukuna’s slumber. “I’m going to the old room first to grab some clothes…I don’t think this is the best battle attire.” He laughs as he realizes they’re all still naked while speaking of fighting. After looking back to Elska and winking, he disappears into thin air.

               Toji is only now letting go of her hand as everyone gears up to part ways. He doesn’t want to leave Elska alone with Itadori but he’s also wanting to watch over Megumi who would otherwise be by himself. “We’ll head over to y’all too once we’re done, I still am not so sure about any of this.” He exhales heavily as he searches her eyes for assurance of the outcome, knowing that their fate wouldn’t be revealed so easily.

               “We’ll be ok, we play off each other well.” Her and Itadori’s eyes meet and they put each other at ease. “I should probably get some clothes too first…” She awkwardly smiles while stepping over the ledge of the hole made as the men silently look away. “Toji! I believe these are yours!” Pants and a shirt come flying out of the room which he’s able to catch with a grin.

               Toji looks around at the others before turning his body to dress himself. He huffs as he bends over to place his feet into the legs. Elska is walking back towards him, roughly in her shaman outfit as he pulls his shirt over his head. Her face is so gentle and loving that he can’t help but reciprocate the affections. She wraps her arms around his neck and speaks into his chest, “You be extra careful too my beloved.” His eyebrows jump up in response to her sincerity as he reclaims his embrace of her back quickly. He closes his eyes and hums to her as the world seemingly fades from around them in that moment. “Doll, I’ll never leave you, don’t worry.”  They pull apart from each other and the warmth that’s obviously felt between the two of them uplifts their mood.

               “Alright let’s eliminate some curses!” Itadori is pumped up and ready to go.

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               “Is everything set?” Getou looks around to everyone in the room as they prepare for what you’d think to be a performance as he scours over them all. They enacted their change of plans recently, trying to kill two birds with one stone. “The shaman should be dispatched out by now, everyone go to their designated targets.” The elders requested the capture of the vessel and the bird girl in haste as they’ve recently discovered her ability that changed Toji. If she does that to Gojo, they don’t know how the surge of power increase will affect him, the man’s already insane as it is.

               “I just wish we didn’t have to use her room for this, what if it gets damaged?” Naoya is desperately excited that the day has finally come but finds himself upset at the switch in plans. Choso is using a dimensional barrier that once crossed will place Itadori and Elska right into their very establishment, into the room they designed to corrupt her powers. They won’t have access to their cursed energy once they enter but he knows they’re both still a handful nonetheless. He just wants her to have a nice room and there be something left of her to be impressed by when its all said and done. ‘They should be here any minute!’ He looks over to Choso to share in his anticipation and it seems he’s doing well at hiding his too.

               “Naoya, I don’t care if that bitch stays in a fucking box.” He’s curiously looking to Naoya as he has entirely had enough of his frivolousness regarding the girl.  “If you fuck this up Zenin, I will mercilessly take your precious intended and strangle the life out of her.” His eyes are cold and ominous as he proceeds, “And I’ll make you and your fucking clan watch while I do so.” He scoffs as he finally sees Naoya slip in demeanor. It was only for a second but he’s sure that took place.

               Naoya’s rage almost got the best of him. He knows Getou means it which is why he’s so on edge by the statement. ‘Keep your cool…breathe…you’ll get him soon enough…’ He’s trying to maintain his sanity as he forces his muscles to tense up instead of contracting into a fist. “I’ve got this here, you can take your leave.” Naoya’s voice is as cold as Getou’s eyes as he attempts to brush the weight of the comment off of his shoulders.

               “Right.” Getou doesn’t believe in him but waves everyone away and leaves himself after the exchange. ‘We’ll see about that…’ he smirks as he seemingly disappears into the shadows.

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               Itadori and Elska are approaching what looks like an abandoned building mostly surrounded by a gravel parking lot. It could easily a place where a curse could take root and flourish. “Yep, this looks like it’s it.” Elska shows her GPS to Itadori as if he wouldn’t trust her word. ‘Something seems odd though’ She grabs him by the shoulder, “I don’t sense any cursed energy, there’s something weird going on.” She thinks to call Satoru but knows he has his own work to handle, ‘He won’t take long’ she’s assured as she releases Itadori and they continue inside.

               “The air in here is strange, heavy almost…” Itadori is now on his guard as he’s picking up on some abnormalities too. They reach a door to which they both stop and look at each other, Elska taking the lead as she feels obligated to protect the junior shaman. She turns the knob and before them lies a completely darkened room. Itadori reaches to grab her hand but catches the hem of her skirt instead and clutches it so they don’t become separated. Once they step through though the door shuts loudly behind them and they’re brought to their knees as the atmospheric pressure changes and threatens to rip their lungs out through their mouths. It only lasts a few seconds but the amount of pain experienced from it leaves them hunched over catching their breath as the lights turn on all at once.

               She feels a hand slap her upper back and without lifting her head up says, “I’m fine Itadori, are you ok?” She hears nothing in response and her eyes widen to the absence of the boy beside her. “ITADORI!!!” She struggles to her feet, her chest still feeling the slight fire from whatever just happened in there. When she looks around, she sees a large elegant dark blue room with a bed, couch, dressers. She turns around and sees the corner which is an open bathroom, ‘There’s no way this a domain, where am I?’ Her body tenses up to the sound of a familiar voice. She slowly turns around to see Naoya behind her, staring excitedly.

               He walks up to her cautiously, not trying to freak her out with his enthusiasm as he’s finally here with her as she takes in her new quarters. “Do you like it? This is all for you…” He notices that her expression is still that of shock and not much else. He walks closer.

               “Where’s Itadori!?” She ignores his questions as her panic resurfaces knowing that he could be in trouble. ‘Toji was right…’ Her head hangs low as she thinks of everyone in the moment that they notice something’s wrong. ‘SATI!’ She reaches for her phone to pull it out, wanting to reach Satoru immediately. She looks to Naoya who doesn’t seem eager to stop her which she finds weird but dials Satoru anyways. She backs away from him with the phone to her ear but as she hears his voice on the other end, the phone is snatched away. Naoya’s face becomes overrun with horror as his eyes take to Getou behind her. “I said I had this COVERED!”

               “Tsk, tsk tsk…little birdie, what are we going to do with you?” He wraps a hand around her throat while seizing the phone above their heads. Gojo can be heard through the speaker, “ELSKA WHAT’S WRONG!? ELSKA!” Getou lowers the phone to his ear and with an eerie satisfied calmness he speaks, “We’ve got her and the vessel. You shaman are so fucking predictable!” He laughs loudly as he squeezes Elska harder daring Naoya to come near them.

               “What are you fucking doing GETOU?!” His voice bellows through the room as he refuses to stand by idly and watch. “RELEASE HER NOW.” He’s on the verge of exposing his secret technique prematurely but also doesn’t care, he can’t trust Getou’s intentions. He thinks first and then activates his projection technique instead to select the best path of attack.

               Getou throws the phone into the wall, smashing it. He then smiles to Elska clawing at his hands and says, “I just wanted to leave them with something to remember her by at least…” He licks the side of Elska’s face as she clearly revolts to his gesture.

               “Ge-…get…off of…mee!” She’s struggling to form words but also realizes that she can’t summon any cursed energy, nor use her wings. “She looks at Naoya with intensified fear as she’s not sure what’s going on or what their intentions currently were, she only knew that she was fucked.

               “PUT HER DOWN NOW!”  Naoya’s about to charge him when he holds a hand out in a gesture to stop.

               “Un-wad your panties Zenin, I just wanted to say hello…” He skims his hands from her hips to her upper back. “Grab me another talisman Naoya.”

               “I already put in on her can’t you fucking see that!?” Naoya’s losing his patience more and more and is wondering if his own plans are about to be shot to shit as he’s gearing up to kill that fucker right then and there.

               “GET THE GOD DAMN TALISMAN NAOYA. NOW!” He squeezes Elska again extremely hard, her reaction of visual pain motivating Naoya to cooperate finally. He takes it out of his own pocket and walks towards them. His eyes meet Elska’s and he tries to covertly tell her through them that he was mortified for her, that he’s going to stop this.

               “Thank you! Now for the love of God, was that so fucking hard?” He rips the talisman out of Naoya’s hand and motions for him to step back. He notices Naoya’s expression morph into confusion as he tears the already placed one on her back, off. Getou leans down into her ear, “Now why don’t you try to fly out of this cage?” His sentence is finished with a deep chuckle as he jumps away from her, clearing himself from her the reach of her wings.            

               As soon as his grip is removed from her, she turns around to face him and jumps backwards. “Don’t mind if I do…” she lets out the demonic shriek that echoes off of the walls and turns her head upwards as she happily embraces the discomfort of her forming feathers. When they stretch out of her skin and take shape out of her back, she pushes off the ground and hovers herself in the air. ‘These should be heavier than they are’ She notes to herself not having taken flight yet with the fully metallicized version. She looks down to see Naoya gawking at their appearance and hears him say, “They’re different now…” Getou is still on the ground beneath her as well, horrifically smiling at her as she’s yet to figure out why he’d give her wings back to her.

               Getou eyes leave her in the air and narrowly meet Naoya’s on the ground across from him. “Let this be your final warning Zenin…” Before Naoya can internalize what he meant he activates his gravity manipulation and slams Elska into the floor so hard that her body bounces and leaves her without a voice to cry. Before Naoya can use his projection technique, Getou anchors him into his current position as well.

               “GETOU WHAT THE FUCK ARE ...YOU DOING?!” Naoya’s lost all composure as he just watched the bastard brutally smash Elska into the floor, indenting her body into it further as he crushes her with his technique. She hit her head so roughly that she’s bleeding from it and all he can do is watch it pool and vibrate to the gravitational waves. “ELSKA!” He really can’t move this time, unlike before when he was underplaying his abilities. He’s stuck, forced to hunch over on his hands and knees while he strains to keep his head up towards them. ‘Was he aware the whole time? What is he about to do to her?’ His mind is racing as he fears Getou’s purpose with all of this.

               Getou calmly strolls up to the pinned Elska as she can’t even flail from the pressure encased over her. He straddles her on the floor, being unaffected by his own powers. He hears Naoya roar as he lowers himself over the battered girl. “I said I wanted to leave them something to remember you by, didn’t I?” His mouth twists into a leer as he yanks her upper body up towards him and grips her left wing with his right hand. “I think they’ll love this, they are uniquely gorgeous…” He smacks her across the face, splitting her cheek open as she did his upon their first encounter. “I really…really can’t fucking stand you though…”

               She feels his hand at the base of her wing and her eyes fill with tears as she gathering what he’s about to do, there’s only one explanation for it. She can’t move, she can barely breathe and so all she can do is brace herself for what is to come. His hand begins to pull at her left wing, his grip is unforgiving as he attempts the horrendous, all while laughing at her weakened screams.

               Naoya’s heart drops. He hears her wail in incredible pain as he can do nothing but watch helplessly. Getou’s laugh becomes deeper and more prominent as he’s torturously ripping her wing out of her shoulder and back. Her cries cut through Naoya’s body more viciously than her feathers ever did. He sees Getou raising his arm higher and higher, twisting them slowly as the wing fights to stay connected to her body. As torn muscles and skin stretches into thin translucent-like flaps, she begins to loose consciousness. The noises that occur from her bones snapping from his tugs cause Naoya to throw up a little in his mouth, jerking his head to the floor. They crack and break, leaving the sounds to be left of the remnants of flesh being separated until those too snap and hang, the elasticity of her skin being drawn to no return. ‘WHY DID I THINK SHE’D BE OK HERE?’ His eyes begin to water too as his anger grows and boils over. He raises his eyes back to the nightmarish scene as he watches the only woman he’s ever cared for become mutilated before him, because of him.

               “HA GOOD GOD… this thing is heavy!” Getou is having to use both hands now to lift the wing itself as the blood drips and runs down the metal feathers from where it was stolen from her body. “How did you get this into the air?!” He’s genuinely interested in the physics altering answer that he knows he won’t receive at this moment. “I’ll make sure your loved ones get it…” He smiles warmly, being overly satisfied with the gore and how pathetic she looks unconscious on the floor. “Stupid bitch…I warned you of your atonement.” He turns to leave the room, dragging the wing until he released his manipulations over Naoya and Elska, transferring his focus to floating the 4ft long silver and dark grey tipped prize beside him.

               As soon as he can move Naoya quickly scurries over to her. Tears haze his vision as he’s afraid to touch her, not wanting to injure her further. “…Elska, wake up…please…” His head is bowed as he dares to move her to see the wound left by Getou. He sits himself on his knees beside her and cautiously lifts her off her back and forwards.

“…oh my God….” He can see inside of her. The stretched and mishappen muscles of hers that remain, the splintered bones Getou twisted to break, the adipose tissue…parts of her spine. He inaudibly cries as he embraces her carefully, rocking them in place…only high pitched squeals leaving his usually baritone lips. He’s choking on his own breaths as he pulls the cloth of his robes apart in a makeshift attempt to nurse her and stop the bleeding. He positions himself in front of her but he’s crouched over her legs as he leans her into his chest. He grabs his phone and sniffles as he brings up a number and chooses it.

               “Cho…Choso…I need…” He’s unable to get the words out that he needs to, “Elska…He fucking…her wing…Choso…help…” He lets out another cry as he applies additional pressure to the gaping, bleeding area next to the replaced talisman. He feels his whole body is shaking and he can’t tell if it’s from rage or from being shattered in that moment. “Elska…you have to…” He inhales sharply, “…wake up…please…” He holds her closely with his eyes closed, forgetting he was on the phone with Choso, he’s completely disoriented. “…please…” The line fell silent but he’s hoping Choso understood and is on his way. He finally is unable to fight back the tears as he continues to cradle her, swaying them as he puts his weight on his knees. In a pool of her blood they sit as she’s losing her color from creating the puddle around them.

               “No, No, NO…baby…PLEASE!” Naoya’s cries reverberate throughout the room as the echo beams back to him, feeling the absolute hopelessness pour from within.

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[mooncaps]

The parallels between Catra and Glimmer keep sticking in my mind. They don't quite mirror each other exactly, visually or thematically, but there's a lot of overlap. They're similar in so many ways, but the inverse of each other in certain ways as well. Their natures are so alike that if their circumstances had been swapped, they'd probably just become each other.

So, I guess I’m picking up my shovel and digging into this. I wanna examine the ways they’re alike, the key ways they differ, what shapes each of them, and why their intersecting journeys are significant. There’s a lot to unpack and this is gonna be a long post, but if the subject matter sounds interesting to you, then read on.

Their parallels are most evident in Season 4, but are also woven throughout the show. I'm thinking back to 1x07 when Adora explains to Bow and Glimmer what being raised by Shadow Weaver was like and Glimmer, without missing a beat, says: "Okay, sure, Mom stuff." Completely nonchalant, with a casual shrug, as if nothing sounded out of place. All of these characters are impacted by being embattled in a militaristic conflict, of course, but Catra and Glimmer are both getting particular parental experiences from their mother-figures, the only parent in either of their lives. Notably, they don't have the same experience. Angella's a much better mother to Glimmer than Shadow Weaver is to Catra. Shadow Weaver is abusive, manipulative, power-hungry, and especially cruel to Catra above all others. Even when Angella is harsh, she's constructive and supportive.

But both of these children end up with a strong desire to prove themselves on the battlefield. Both want their mothers to be proud of them, to recognize them as worthy. Catra spends the early part of her life suppressing the urge to prove herself, pretending not to care about it while secretly being deeply upset when she finds herself overshadowed by Adora. Glimmer, on the other hand, openly thirsts for opportunities to be a great commander and earn recognition for her accomplishments. They both have somewhat of an inferiority complex as well. Catra comes to decide she doesn't want to be the sidekick. Glimmer is insecure about being the princess who has to recharge.

In 1x08, Glimmer's jealousy toward Bow and Perfuma is essentially a microcosm of a key dimension of Catra's arc for the show. But Glimmer is much quicker to learn the lessons and grow. Due to her experiences, Catra's walls are much harder to break down. I'll swing back around to that point later.

As Season 1 draws to its close, Glimmer and Catra both gain a little more independence, though they do it in very different ways. Catra does what Glimmer wanted to do at the beginning of Season 1. She presents valuable tech and a valuable ally to her commanding officer. Glimmer gets closer to her mother and they both start to understand each other better. Catra defeats her mother-figure in combat. Glimmer and Catra both gain favor in their respective armies and get the much-desired chance to prove themselves in the Battle of Bright Moon.

In 2x02, Glimmer and Bow take Catra hostage and the ways in which these two characters differ are really highlighted. Glimmer is tempted more than once to be as ruthless with Catra as Catra would be with her, but Bow talks her down when push comes to shove. "We're not them." Catra doesn't have a person in her life who talks her down. Not anymore. Catra sees the reliance on friendship among the Rebellion as a weakness. "It's why you're never going to win."

With the environment she grew up in, Catra's understanding of concepts like friendship and love are primarily in relation to power and manipulation. She's quick to seize upon the closeness between Glimmer and Bow as a way to force Glimmer to use up her magic. Catra's own love for Adora is, in the early days, selfish. She doesn't want to share Adora, whether with friends in the Horde or friends in the Rebellion. And it's why she believes that Adora doesn't feel the same way. If Adora wouldn’t take things to the same selfish extremes, then she must not feel what Catra’s feeling. This is what Catra believes because her experiences have given her this very specific, and flawed, understanding of love.

Glimmer's relationship to love is different. She comes from a more supportive environment and even in the rare instance when she does trend toward selfish love, she's more able to accept and understand the flaws of it.

But focusing on 2x02: Glimmer and Catra push each other's buttons. Each of them instinctively knows how to hurt the other one, though Catra is more willing to inflict that hurt. They’re both paying attention and learning each other’s vulnerabilities. The one moment where Glimmer touches a nerve with Catra is: "How did Adora take years of this? She didn't run away from the Horde. She ran away from you." And Catra immediately pushes back: "You think she's not going to leave you behind too, Sparkles?"

It's somewhat telling that Catra sees Glimmer as having taken her place in Adora's life. Again, similar, but not the same. The relationship between Adora and Glimmer is different to the relationship between Adora and Catra, but Catra, with her limited and warped understanding of love, can't tell the difference anymore than she could when Adora first befriended Lonnie. Catra sees Glimmer as having the same place in Adora's life that Catra used to have. And as much as Catra wants, at this point, to tell herself she's over Adora, she's still angry.

So we’re kind of flipping between parallels and inversions, but a key factor starts to become clear at this point. What Catra and Glimmer hate in each other is what they fear in themselves. Glimmer hates that Catra took her as a hostage, but she's also frustrated that she can't be just as cruel when she has Catra as a hostage. She wants to be cruel, and yet she hates herself for wanting it. Catra hates seeing Glimmer step into the role of Adora's sidekick and she mocks the Rebellion for "the power of friendship" because she hates how vulnerable she felt after opening her heart to Adora. She wants a loving relationship, and yet she hates herself for wanting it. Catra and Glimmer see their own perceived flaws, weaknesses, and shortcomings in each other, which is why there's so much friction between them. It's really an interesting concept that develops further as the show goes on.

The next minor point of interest is 2x04. Glimmer sees the primary conflict as being between herself and Catra. It’s not much, just a little look into how Glimmer is thinking about things.

Seasons 2 and 3 are paired together in terms of themes in a way that other seasons aren’t. At the end of Season 2, or midway through the story threads, Catra loses her mother-figure. At the end of Season 3, Glimmer loses her mother. Once again, the circumstances differ. Angella is truly gone, but Shadow Weaver has simply switched sides. Glimmer’s arc going forward is very much driven by Angella’s absence, whereas Catra’s arc is driven by Shadow Weaver’s presence...as an enemy combatant.

And Shadow Weaver doesn’t just join the Rebellion, she starts working her way into Glimmer’s life. Her opening pitch that gets Glimmer to free her plays on a familial connection - the fact that she taught Glimmer’s father. They go to the Fright Zone together and of course they run into Catra, who discovers Shadow Weaver quite literally taking Glimmer by the hand.

All of this sets the stage for Season 4, where the Catra and Glimmer parallels are at their strongest. The two of them become much more similar to each other in this season. Glimmer is now receiving guidance and familial connection from the very person who shaped Catra into the person she is.

Both Catra and Glimmer effectively take control of their respective armies. Glimmer literally becomes queen and, in the very same episode, Catra seats herself on Hordak’s throne. Glimmer is reluctant to take the throne, Catra is eager to. At the end of the episode Catra says to Hordak, “I think you and I are going to do great things together.” This line echoes what Shadow Weaver said to young Micah and baby Adora. And of course Glimmer is also stepping into her mother’s role.

From there, the two of them find themselves on similar paths. In 4x02 they both have the same idea to recover Mara’s ship. In 4x04 Glimmer wants to think like Catra and asks Shadow Weaver to teach her. Glimmer ends up in a fight with Catra and Catra marvels at Glimmer’s tactical decision to use Adora as a decoy. Where Glimmer was previously unwilling to be like Catra, now she’s determined to do anything for victory. And of course the idea to use Adora as a distraction came from Shadow Weaver and Catra’s recognizing this change in Glimmer’s tactics without quite realizing why it should feel familiar.

Some things happen at different times for these two, but there’s so much overlap. Glimmer starts the season dealing with boring meetings and itching to be out in the field, jealous of her friends. For Catra, she starts the season in the field, but as her plans advance she finds herself stuck in the Fright Zone while Hordak does the field work.

Both of them are focused on success, no matter the cost. They both become so stubbornly obsessed with winning the war that it fractures their friendships. They reject all counsel and push away the people who care for them. In spite of being hurt by losing the trust of their friends, they both double down on trying to win, expecting total victory to be the thing that brings them peace of mind, the thing that makes everything worth the cost.

There’s a push and pull between the two of them throughout the season. Neither can succeed in their chosen path without destroying the other. And yet they can’t seem to destroy each other without losing themselves. Metaphorically, destroying each other would mean destroying their own shortcomings, and both of them want those weaknesses and doubts erased, but neither of them can manage to strike the final blow.

Catra gains the upper hand in the war by having Double Trouble work the cracks in Glimmer’s friendships. Glimmer gains the upper hand by having Double Trouble drive a decisive wedge between Catra and Hordak. Double Trouble’s duplicitous allegiances and feigning of friendships are key developments on both sides of the battlefield and their services are weaponized by both Catra and Glimmer to target each other. Double Trouble essentially acts as a messenger, sent from both of these two characters to tear the other one down. Catra and Glimmer personify to each other what they fear in themselves and Double Trouble gives voice to the doubts of both characters, acting on behalf of each of them in turn.

Double Trouble gets to Glimmer by suggesting that Adora is undermining the queen’s authority. They work from an understanding of Glimmer’s genuine desire to be a great queen. However, and this is a key point, when Double Trouble confronts Catra, the tactic is completely flipped. “You try so hard to play the big bad villain, but your heart’s never been in it, has it?” They work from the understanding that Catra’s apparent desire to lead the Horde to victory is not genuine. As opposed to Glimmer, whose heart has always been in it; her heart’s so in it that she becomes blind to the risks of her plans.

Part of Double Trouble’s speech to Catra can apply to Glimmer’s insecurities as well. “They didn’t believe in you, didn’t trust you, didn’t need you, left you. But did you ever stop to think, maybe they’re not the problem? It’s you. You drive them away, Wildcat.” Obviously it applies to Catra, but it also describes what Glimmer has just been through with Bow and Adora. Glimmer and Catra have so many overlapping fears and this messenger sent by Glimmer to throw Catra off balance ends up making this statement that labels Glimmer’s recent mistakes just as accurately as it does Catra’s.

The key difference between the two of them comes down to their hearts being in it. For all the similarities between Catra and Glimmer in Season 4, this climactic moment emphasizes that, for Catra, a lot of it is an affectation, a costume.

Which brings me to an element of the visual storytelling. I recently read an interesting post about the thematic significance of Catra’s mask. I also made my own post about the change to her hair in Season 4. The visual storytelling has many facets in this show. This post is about parallels though, so what I’m focusing on now is the fact that Catra and Glimmer both change their costumes in Season 4. The first scene of 4x01 features the reveal of Glimmer’s new look and the last scene of 4x01 features the reveal of Catra’s.

One of the first things I noticed about Catra’s outfit is that her new black sleeve and shoulder armor are covering the area that was damaged in the portal reality. At a guess, I’d say she wants to guard against feeling whatever that felt like again. Again though, my focus is on parallels. Let’s have a look at their outfits side by side.

Glimmer’s is essentially an evolution. She’s growing more into herself. She now has both shoulders covered. Hard to say if these shoulder pads are decorative or could serve a protective function. They kind of look metallic. Her legs are newly covered; her neck and chest are newly exposed. There are a few changes to Glimmer’s outfit, but not a lot that’s truly new to her.

For Catra, there are a few new elements in her outfit. The single sleeve, the fingerless gloves, and at the shoulders she seems to have upgraded from fabric to something that looks more like it could be armor. Her legs are more covered than they were in her previous outfit, but there are still small exposed gaps. Her feet were never covered before, but now there’s a partial covering. And there’s also what fandom has dubbed the “boob window,” though this show isn’t one that gives focus to things like cleavage. The new elements for Catra bring her outfit a little bit closer to Glimmer’s.

I’ll be interpreting exposed skin as representing vulnerabilities. Of particular interest to me is the fact that they both wear single sleeves now, one white, one black, and they cover opposite arms. Glimmer has no mask on her face; Catra has no cape covering her back. Glimmer’s boots seem especially enforced at the heel and toe. Catra’s heels and toes are exposed. You know how I’ve been saying that they see their own shortcomings in each other? Now Catra is visibly vulnerable where Glimmer is guarded and vice-versa. The particular asymmetry of the sleeves brings to mind ideas of imbalance, both internally and between them.

Catra’s sleeve looks durable; Glimmer’s sleeve looks decorative. Glimmer’s sleeve leaves a gap of skin exposed below the shoulder pad; Catra’s sleeve covers the full length of her arm. On Glimmer’s unsleeved arm, the glove barely covers her hand; Catra’s glove covers a portion of her forearm. Remember 1x08, that point I said I’d come back to? Glimmer’s quicker to learn the lessons. Catra’s walls are harder to break down. Now it’s visually represented in their outfits.

I’ll reference the visuals as I go on, but let’s get back to thematic analysis. As the Season 4 finale draws to a close, Catra and Glimmer end up together and both have been brought low. Double Trouble has just seen through all of Catra’s walls and read her for absolute filth. Glimmer has to reckon with the fact that her own hubris nearly got everyone she’s been fighting for destroyed. Both have come closer to total victory and closer to total defeat than they’ve ever been. Coming off a string of mistakes and pushing away the people who care about them, they end up together.

Glimmer has the chance to attack a willingly defenseless Catra, but spares her. Moments later, Glimmer is threatened by Horde Prime, but Catra’s intervention saves her. It’s a layered action from Catra, certainly not altruistic, but it saves Glimmer nonetheless. I think something in each of them feels hesitant to see this person, in whom they see their own flaws reflected back at them, destroyed.

And now they’re stuck with each other, quite literally cut off from everyone else. They’re each wrestling with the weight of their own failures and shortcomings, so of course they’re both trapped with the metaphorical representation of everything they never wanted to face in themselves.

They’re together, and yet they’re separated. A barrier stands between them. Catra is at liberty to move about the ship, but there’s nowhere to go and no escaping the watchful gaze of Horde Prime. She’s frustrated by this illusory liberty: “If I’m a prisoner, you might as well make it official.” Glimmer, on the other hand, is in a cell and she wants out, even though there’s nowhere to go. For a brief moment, the barrier is taken down when Catra and Glimmer are invited to dine with Horde Prime. One very effective way to bring people together is to give them a common enemy. They’re only physically together when they’re united in defending themselves against him.

Horde Prime understands the similarities between the two of them and breaks through both of their walls at the same time with the same tactic. “You Etherians are all alike. Such strong connections to one another. It’s what makes you weak.” It’s the unguarded vulnerabilities in Glimmer that poke holes in Catra’s plan of “parsing out information like a bargaining chip.” Though Catra and Glimmer have a common enemy now, they’re not yet coordinated and working with each other.

So we return now to the scene from 5x03 at the top of this post. Even the way it’s framed is significant. The scene could presumably have been presented from the other side, but seeing it from this angle allows me to infer some things about what’s being communicated.

They start out facing each other and we see their sleeved arms. Neither is quite ready to trust the other, so their walls are up. When they stand face-to-face with what they fear in themselves, they put their guards up. They’re both more-or-less equally guarded and equally vulnerable, but the guarded side is what the show’s creators are showing the audience, as well as what Catra and Glimmer are showing to each other in this moment.

The scenery around the two of them shows a stark contrast. Glimmer’s cell is brightly lit with simple architecture. Much of the space around Catra is dark and complicated.

As they open up to each other emotionally, they turn back-to-back and we’re shown their unsleeved arms. When they look away from what they fear in themselves, they let their guards down. Both of them lay a hand on their unsleeved arms, almost as if they’re subconsciously worried that they might need their walls at any moment to defend these vulnerabilities.

Their body language relaxes, though only fractionally in Catra’s case. Glimmer is a little more at ease, but Catra won’t let herself be quite as open and unguarded. Her fingers remain on that unsleeved arm, alert and ready to defend at a moment’s notice.

I’ve talked a bit about walls and defensiveness, but the way these two came to construct their walls is also important. Glimmer and Catra have both experienced hardships in their lives. Both of them grew up with only one close friend. They both felt pressure and a desire to prove themselves and they’ve both endured great tragedy in their young lives. Glimmer has developed more of the emotional tools to work through her pain and begin to heal. Catra is only at the beginning of the healing process and her pain comes from a very different source.

Glimmer spent the majority of her young life believing her father had been killed and then she lost her mother as well. Catra was either given up or orphaned and then taken in by an abusive family. Both experiences were surely traumatic. Catra’s walls are tougher for a reason though. A few reasons. The primary reason is that the source of her fear and pain was also her mother-figure.

Being traumatized by someone who should be on your side is different than other sources of trauma. And because Shadow Weaver is her parent, Catra also bonds with her and wants her approval. This is emotionally confusing and compounds Catra’s issues. Wanting love from Shadow Weaver is one of the reasons Catra hates herself for wanting love at all.

Not only is Catra traumatized by her parent, she also lacks any other parental guidance to help her process her trauma. Glimmer, even after losing her father, still had her mother. It’s after losing her mother that Glimmer really starts to lose balance emotionally. Though Catra had Adora, that kind of comfort is not the same as having the calming influence of a supportive parent to help a child cope with their trauma and assure the child that things will be okay. Further to that are the wedges that Shadow Weaver (and later Light Hope) employed to ensure that Catra and Adora would doubt each other. Then finally, Adora left the Horde and whatever comfort Catra had received from her turned poisonous. This was the thing that threw Catra’s sense of safety into chaos and unraveled any semblance of emotional balance. For much of the show, wanting love from Adora is one of the reasons Catra hates herself for wanting love at all.

This is all a roundabout way of explaining why Catra’s walls are so much thicker than Glimmer’s and why everything around her is dark and complicated. Glimmer has her own walls and coping mechanisms, but they’re constructed differently. Catra is largely driven by defensive panic responses. Glimmer is reactive and even reckless at times, especially after losing Angella, but she’s generally more able to slow down and sort through her feelings. Glimmer’s walls are constructed in such a way that they don’t impede her ability to grow and heal. Glimmer’s walls don’t keep as many things away, but her capacity to let the right people in is the trait that serves her best. The contrast between these two characters speaks volumes.

Season 5 is where Catra and Glimmer begin to learn from each other. They get past the initial reaction of simply being disgusted by seeing what they fear in themselves. They both make some appeals to each other for information and help. The barrier between them comes down again and Catra enters Glimmer’s space.

The audience is shown both sleeved arms. Walls are up. Catra uses both hands and takes Glimmer by the sleeved arm. The cake is in her unsleeved hand; it was an appeal to her vulnerable side. The full appeal from Catra that acknowledges Glimmer’s walls is the one that actually reaches her and gets Catra the information she wanted. It’s an appeal so strong that it can reach Glimmer through her walls, not just some simple ploy to prey on her softer side.

“You can’t tell him.” Glimmer uses both hands and takes Catra by the unsleeved arm. This is an appeal to Catra’s vulnerable side. And it echoes something that has previously frustrated Catra. “It’s always the same with you, Adora. I have to do this. Oh-oh, we have to do that.” This appeal to her softer side isn’t enough.

“Do one good thing in your life.” Glimmer uses both hands and takes Catra by the sleeved arm. The audience is shown both of their unsleeved arms. They’re both vulnerable here. It’s this appeal, which acknowledges Catra’s walls, that reaches her. Catra still reacts in fear, a response pattern that runs deep with her, but the message reaches her through her walls.

After processing some of her emotions, Catra returns, offering Glimmer her unsleeved arm. This is a vulnerable action from Catra.

Glimmer takes Catra’s hand with her sleeved arm.

This is the turning point. They represent each other’s insecurities, each vulnerable where the other defends. Glimmer has the tools to balance out Catra’s vulnerabilities. Glimmer’s sleeved arm meeting Catra’s unsleeved arm is like saying: “I’ve got your back.” If they’re confrontational to each other, or if they ignore each other, they’re both equally defended and equally vulnerable. But if they stand side by side...

...they can compensate for each other’s vulnerabilities. They embrace and understand the insecurities they were afraid of and together they have the tools to present a balanced front that can protect them both. Neither one of them was going to be able to succeed alone, but together they can accomplish more.

Catra knew where the teleporter was and could have escaped on her own, but that would not be success. As Glimmer pointed out, even if Catra runs away it won’t matter when Horde Prime destroys the universe. As Catra pointed out, Adora would still come to rescue Glimmer. It’s their combined knowledge that leads to the solution.

Getting Glimmer out is the key, but Glimmer is unable to do this alone. Catra has the knowledge of the teleporter, Catra has the knowledge as well as the physical combat skills necessary to overpower the clones, and Catra has to be the one to take down the barrier that divides the two of them. Only Catra is in a position to achieve this. In terms of emotional metaphors, Glimmer is ready to let Catra in, but that fact alone isn’t enough. Catra has to be willing as well.

And the plan succeeds. It’s Catra’s most vulnerable action yet and she stands willing to sacrifice herself. Catra sends Glimmer, this metaphorical representation of her own insecurities, to Adora. This action is the very thing that ultimately saves Catra. She’s stuck with Horde Prime and her defenses are all ripped away, but it’s this show of vulnerability that affords Adora and company the opportunity to come in prepared and save this defenseless cat. Glimmer’s willingness to forgive Catra is significant for a lot of reasons, not the least of which is that Catra is the party most responsible for the conditions that led to Angella’s sacrifice, and Glimmer cites Catra sacrificing herself on Horde Prime’s ship as the reason she’s willing to help Adora go back and save Catra.

And once she’s saved, when Catra next gets the liberty to determine her own outfit, as she treads a path of vulnerability and learning to follow her heart...

...the sleeve and fingerless gloves are gone. The costume she put on when she took her seat on Hordak’s throne has fallen away. That’s not who she wants to be anymore. Now she’s ready to start on the path of growing more into herself.

The push and pull contentious relationship between Catra and Glimmer has reached its conclusion, but there are still a few moments of interest. In 5x08, there are several instances where Catra questions what seem to be tactically unsound decisions from the Rebellion and they shrug off the concerns. Near the end of the episode, it’s Glimmer who questions the tactics and Catra who shrugs it off. This shows that they’re both getting more comfortable with each other and also both getting more comfortable with the parts in themselves that make them similar to each other.

In 5x10, when Catra finds herself in trouble, trapped and confronted with rising water, she calls Glimmer, knowing now that Glimmer is someone she can trust when she comes up against the limits of her own vulnerabilities.

In 5x12, Catra goes to Bow and Glimmer, looking for Adora. Glimmer informs Catra that Adora left them behind. Catra says: “Of course she’s gone. That’s what she does, isn’t it?” Glimmer was caught off guard by this, but Catra has recognized this vulnerability in Glimmer since Season 2. “You think she’s not going to leave you behind too, Sparkles.” This time Catra’s not just here criticize; she’s here to help. She warns Bow and Glimmer about Horde Prime’s plans and volunteers herself to take over helping Adora. Glimmer comes up against the limit of her vulnerabilities, but she can tag in Catra to help her now.

In the literal sense, this shows the value of letting other people in. In the metaphorical sense, it shows the value of accepting oneself. Learning from others, finding the common ground, gives us a fuller understanding than we can achieve on our own. No one can do everything alone, but working with people who are skilled where we come up short, guarded where we are vulnerable, and open where we are closed off is what unlocks the potential to accomplish things that would have otherwise been impossible.

I love that message, but I also love the metaphorical message. Glimmer and Catra have repeatedly seen in each other the things they were afraid of in themselves. Hating each other is tantamount to hating themselves and their acceptance of each other is tantamount to accepting themselves, which makes both of them more well-rounded and helps them to move forward.

And those lessons, to me, are among the most significant things about their intersecting journeys. They accept the differences in each other, they recognize the similarities in each other, and they come together to build each other up. It’s at once a journey of learning to accept others and a journey of learning to accept themselves. They learn that greeting their shortcomings with anger is ultimately self-destructive, ignoring these vulnerabilities is perilous, and it’s only through acceptance that they can begin to understand themselves, compensate for their limitations, and better themselves.

They each look into a mirror, see their own insecurities staring back at them, then decide to give that person a hug and say: “I’ve got your back.”

[marshmallowprotection]

I replayed Seven’s route and saw through the secret ending episodes (haven’t done that since 2019) and man is it me or is Rika kinda apathetic towards Saeran in the secret endings. In Ray’s route and especially his AE, she’s so fixated and obsessed with him and Saeyoung in hopes of this “happy family” and to feel needed. She was obsessive and possessive saying how much she loves Saeran like a mom loves her son. But in the Secret Ending when Saeran had a mental breakdown over him not getting the revenge Rika promised him. She got irritated and basically asked her believers to brainwash Saeran again and treated him like he was disposable, like Saeyoung can just take his place in “paradise”.

Like what happened, do you think the time between Another Story and Original Story was enough for her to lose her humanity along the way and play prophet full time. Like how Saeran’s demeanor in both those timelines are different bc he had to withstand Mint Eye’s treatment long enough to fixate on revenge completely and get a tattoo that solidified his devotion to what he didn’t know was a false cause.

Do you think Rika’s apathetic attitude is why Ray was “disposed” of in OS (I would say as an alter he was just dormant, covering his eyes and ears in a sense yknow?). Ray didn’t really play any part in OS so I thought Rika was done “playing mom” (since in the AE she said she missed Ray bc Ray was someone who needed her.) and wanted 100% focus on her plan

Sorry for rambling too much, this started off as a simple question but then my brain went “wait 🤔 what if 🤨”

-Moomi✨

So, a lot of this comes down to how you feel about connecting the two stories. A lot of people do not connect Another Story and Deep/Casual. So there are people that will say that it's just two different realities where possible circumstance can happen. I personally connect the two and I write with that in mind. Let me just say that there is a two-year time period between the two points that you can play in. That is a long time for things to happen and play out.

It's only been 6 months since he was taken in Another Story when Ray is there. Not a lot of time has passed and he is fresh in paranoia and in the manipulation that has been expended upon him. He is loyal to a T and very emotionally distraught. He is very lost and clinging to the last shred of hope that he has. There's a part of him that is cut throat and willing to destroy if that's what he has to do, but there's another part of him that's crying out when that happens.

Because he doesn't want to do those things but he has no choice.

She is the only person that's left in his life that hasn't abandoned him and he truly believes everything that she's told him. He's constantly trying to get her praise and attention because he doesn't want to be left behind. Suit Saeran said to himself that all of their vulnerable points of holding onto hope are inside of Ray. There is a reason why without the MC that Ray wouldn't be able to survive for very long. It's because Ray would never be getting positive influence. He would be a hurt more and more the longer that he was forced to lash out.

It would eventually destroy him. It would be too painful for him to exist because he would have nothing and it would be pointless. He would run himself ragged to give his savior what she wanted and he wouldn't be able to keep up with what she wanted. It would overload him. That is why Suit Saeran what eventually emerge at some point during that time period that would be after Ray combusted.

Suit Saeran isn't exactly stable either. He is built on anger and animosity, but he has just as many emotions as Ray has even though he tries to deny them. It's just instead of balling up everything inside of him, he's taking it out on everyone else because that's what he's been told his strength. He would work himself just as hard as Ray had, but there would be a part in the side of him that was just as twisted.

I personally do not see Suit Saeran and Unknown as the same person so that's important to note here. I imagine that at some point during that period after he gained control, something really bad would happen and it would cause a fracture inside of him. Unknown would be born if that split and eventually take control of the body. He is a lot more twisted. He's let go of the part of him that has hope, and the only thing that he's holding onto is devastation and destruction.

Everything is everyone else's fault and they need to pay for it. His sole purpose is completing their Revenge. He has a one-track mind and there's no doubt about that. He doesn't know what he's even going to do once he gets his revenge. He hasn't even planned that far. You can see that in a lot of the Bad Endings on Seven's Route. He is very emotionally vulnerable and on a hairpin trigger that could be easily broken. In a way he's like Ray. He and Ray have a lot more in common than he and Suit Saeran do with that.

Unknown has fully committed himself to this system. Whereas, with Ray and Suit Saeran, the both of them are able to express to the MC in the game, but they have doubts and that they know that she's not right but they have no other choice. Yes, they are committed to it in a sense but that doesn't mean that they are completely and wholeheartedly consumed by the Cult. There is still a part of them that is seeking that individuality and fighting against the pain and what sounds wrong.

Unknown has given himself to this. He sees no other point and he sees no other purpose. He's been tortured and pushed around his entire life, and it's been blamed on V and Saeyoung. This is the only thing that he's able to focus on and it's the only thing that he knows. It's the only thing grounding him. Rika is right behind him and whispering these lies and manipulation into his ear every single day. She treats him the way that she treats all of them, like a dog chasing food on the end of a string. She says pretty words and has great ideas, but if you follow her, you're never going to get the treat at the end.

And with Unknown, you know that he's been gaslit and manipulated to a degree much more lengthy than what Ray and Saeran went through; he's been stuck in this place by himself with nobody to hold on to. That just didn't stop because he started listening to what she wanted. That continued on. So did her constant denial of giving him praise. He's constantly trying to do things for her and that will make her praise him, and she always avoids doing it. He's always Chasing the Sun but he's never going to be able to touch it.

With Rika, you know that she's trying to cope by saying that she's a better mother. She's so lost in everything that she's been through and all of this anger that she's holding onto, that she's masking everything that she's doing and living her lie to the fullest. It's her way or the highway. She wants to get her revenge and she wants to prove that she was always right. She wants to be able to look at the crumbled remains of RFA as they seemingly all join her side one by one, and leave V in the dust.

She wants him to be a million things all at once. Her expectations for him are beyond what anyone could ever be. She says if you do this or that, she'll praise you and you'll be the best. But in reality, you're never going to be good enough in her eyes. That is the reality that he has to face. It's one that he tries to deny because she's made him truly believe that she's the only person that he has left. Yet, she treats him so horribly and only gives him enough so that he doesn't have enough doubts to make a fight.

She is apathetic. It's been so long and he's been failing her consistently in the secret ending. He wasn't able to get the MC. He wasn't able to get the party guests or the plans. He wasn't able to make good on any of the promises that he said that he was going to do. She's angry at him and she does what she's always done, blame him for being too emotional and punish him with more cleansing ceremony is so he can become the person that she wants them to be.

But like I said, the problem with that is that he's never going to be what she wants him to be.

She gets impatient. She stops putting on a pretty and friendly face for him. It's because he's not getting her the results that she wants fast enough. It's because he's not living up to what she wants him to be. It's because she's not happy and no matter how much she tries to use him to get what she wants to be happy, she's never going to be happy.

She's in a completely different place at this point in her life than she was in Another Story. She's had a hell of a lot more time to ruminate and get angry about how she's not getting results. At some point, she gets bored and tired of not getting what she wants. She's got a throne and she's got all of this power, but it's not making her happy. V is never giving her the response that she wants whenever they interact, and this just keeps feeding back into it. Her unchecked trauma and inability to accept responsibility for her crimes all play into this. The shame and the guilt...

I really do think that she lost whatever shred of humanity that she had. If you want to say that she had any of it. She's really had more time to get herself into place with the Savior position. She starts to think that she did the right thing by what she did to Mother Choi. She starts to think that she was right about doing what she did to the boys. What she did to V.

All of the people around her are constantly likening her to a saint and telling her that everything that she's doing is perfect and correct. She becomes more and more desensitized to the violence that she is committing. She is personally involved with many of the cleansing ceremonies. She is constantly there with all of this violence and trickery.

These are things that affect your psyche.

At some point, everyone around her is just useful for her goals. She doesn't really care what happens to Saeran because she has no more patience for him. He's constantly questioning her and fighting her. He doesn't listen like Ray listened. He makes a point of pushing back and at some point she just decides that it would be easier to get rid of him if she has to do it. In a lot of the Bad Endings, he does not know what the trigger to the bomb does. She literally just tells him that it's going to do something that will hurt his brother so much.

And he believes everything that she says. In those endings, she gives him the trip to the bomb because she wants to clear up the loose end. If she gets rid of him, she can easily manipulate his brother to do what she wants and turn him against V. She can use that opening to get whatever she wants. Seven would never know. She would just change her tactics and manipulate the other brother. Because at this point in her life, all she cares about is getting back at V. She blames him for everything and wants to destroy him for it. Nothing else matters at that point. She has a one-track mind at that point.

And what's more disheartening is the fact that she thinks that she wants that, but there's something inside of her that doesn't want that. She's just as conflicted as the rest of them are. I think it should be very telling to anyone about what's going on in her head space just by telling you to look at how willing she is to throw him away in the secret ending. She was ready to just throw him into the basement to have him used and abused again. Even if his brother tries to defend him and offer himself up, she's still pretty much ready to throw Saeran away.

She screams at him because he doesn't listen. That's why she says that she should have took his brother instead. She's tired of him fighting her and not obeying her every order and being her little puppet. She stops caring about him as a son when she realizes that a son isn't going to be her cute little puppet.

[mcdannomoment]

finale feelings

Okay, I have a ton of feelings about the finale, and now that I’ve had some time to think them through, I’ll write them. Please be kind, I’ve seen the series once only, I’m really tired, and I’m sure this was all said before.

Okay firstly let’s just put aside Catherine as a character in and of herself… that whole thing made no sense. Catherine never showed an inkling of having the sort of skills to decode anything, much less being one of only two people in the world who could decode a thing. That was silly and just an excuse to get her back on Steve’s radar. Not to mention that Catherine just never showed much interest in Steve. I’ll come back to Catherine later as she stands as an external prop for Steve’s character, but I think we can just leave it here that Catherine’s character, for herself, made 0 sense.

Let’s focus on Steve.

Steve broke my heart this episode. The worst part is that I don’t think what he did was actually OOC. Steve has a pretty long and uncomfortable history of putting his own needs over Danny’s, starting from when he first met him and forced him to be his partner. I get where Steve was coming from, but this whole army commander take what I need for the mission attitude is the whole problem. Consulting Danny even as a courtesy never entered Steve’s mind.

(more below cut)

Steve just does this with Danny continually throughout the series, like leaving him with a letter to run off chasing Shelburne. Again, he doesn’t bother even consulting Danny as a courtesy before he leaves. He has an objective, Danny doesn’t fit that objective except to keep his seat warm in 5-0. He honestly just never gives Danny even basic autonomy, from things like choosing his lunch for him right through to putting him in situations he’s not comfortable with. Sometimes Steve pushing Danny is definitely a good thing since Danny does get paralyzed by fear (the incident where Steve pushed Danny into jumping across the building gap springs to mind; if they hadn’t have done that they would have died) but sometimes it’s just more of Steve has an objective to achieve, and Danny is a means to achieve that objective (the skydiving incident).

I don’t mean to slam Steve’s character, and I’ve known quite a lot of people like this! They’re good people, they just need a lot more emotional development. Between the two of them I think Danny’s a lot more emotionally mature and empathetic, and they’re quite good for each other in many ways. But Steve is very selfish, in the sense that his focus is always on himself. What he wants, what his objective is, how the things around him make him feel. With where Steve’s head is at, I don’t think he fully and completely understands Danny as an individual human being with his own needs. Hell, he even bullies Danny into including him in his retirement plan and abandoning said retirement plan.

With Steve’s focus always within his own head, and the people around him established as tools he can use to achieve his own ends, I can really start to understand Steve’s severe control issues in season 10 in particular. His mother dying was what sealed his fate, really. I think it was really the first time a person close to Steve fully used their own initiative and choice to go against what Steve said, and Steve trying to force his mother to do what he wanted and become a controllable force in his self-directed life ended up getting her killed. And that screwed him up badly. I don’t think he fully processed his role in his mother’s death properly. He ends up dumping Danny, who is really the love of his life, saying he needs time for himself, that he’d spent a decade saving everyone else. In reality I think Steve is just spiralling from loss of control. He tries to regain some control by cutting out the more unpredictable variables: the other people in his life.

Then Danny gets kidnapped and tortured. This is obviously devastating for Steve, because Danny really is the love of his life. And Steve kind of loses it, but he loses it in a very interesting way. Steve gives up all control to Daiyu Mei. He doesn’t even entertain not letting her control the situation. Danny’s been in danger before, but Steve has never given up control so completely like this before.

Steve’s really broken by this. And it’s the hardest he’s ever taken Danny getting hurt. Because I think he’s less broken by Danny getting hurt as much as it is leftover trauma from his mother’s death and spiralling loss of control.

He winds up leaving Danny when Danny can hardly move and must have only just been released from the hospital, and isn’t that a dick move. He claims he’s going to “find himself” but I think he’s just running away from people in order to regain a sense of control. He can’t control other people. He couldn’t control Danny being taken or his mother making the choices she did in Mexico. If he’s alone, he can gain full control over the situation.

And Danny? Well, Steve sort of has him trapped. Danny can’t leave - he has a son, it’s implied Steve gave him his dog to look after and possibly his house, and while he’s injured Danny can’t go and get himself into dangerous situations that Steve feels the need to save him from. Danny sort of becomes an ornament in Steve’s home ready to welcome him when he comes back. Steve’s been on record several times being pretty aggressive about Danny staying in Hawaii, but he’s never shown remorse for leaving himself, and he doesn’t here.

I hate to characterise Danny as Steve’s “wife” but that’s the dynamic I get from them. You see it so often in married couples, particularly married couples where the husband has to travel for work, whether that’s military, mining, corporate, trucking, what have you. The husband has his goal, his life, and he sees his wife as someone to support that and make it happen. This is exactly what happened in my own family, as I had a travelling father. His need to fulfil himself drove him away again and again, and my mother, trapped where she was by children and the obligations her husband abandoned her to deal with, was left to clean up his mess. It’s what happens when the husband is selfish in the way Steve is - the emotionally more mature wife has to clean up the parts of his life he won’t deal with. In Steve’s case Danny is left with a bullet hole, a dog, a house full of ghosts, and a lot of mourning friends. Not to mention the kids Steve abandons. And there must be more too. Steve leaves a week after Danny is shot. That really doesn’t leave much time for Steve to get his affairs in order. I think he left Danny to clean up his emotional mess.

Minus the bullet hole, I’ve seen my mother go through very similar things. And it can destroy your sense of self. You end up living for the ghost of your husband as he pursues what he perceives as his destiny. It’s a really shitty thing but it’s so common. Every family I know with a travelling husband ended up like this.

Back to Catherine. As established Catherine as her own character makes no sense at all. But Catherine’s role in the finale as an extension of Steve’s character does make some sense. Steve is running away from his stable family, the love of his life, his role as a parent to Nahele, Grace, and Charlie - he’s running from all the progress he has made, because he is afraid of losing control the way he did when he lost his mother, and when Danny was taken from him. Catherine is safe. She’s Steve’s easy emotional release and fuck buddy. She’s familiar. And she’s basically Steve’s mother. A flaky CIA agent who always picks the job over Steve is far more familiar and therefore comforting to him than a stable family life with Danny. In his panic Steve runs from all the progress he has made back to Catherine.

It actually reminds me a lot of a wonderful fic I read, the love that you gave by Teeelsie. I never thought I’d read a cheating fic, let alone a McDanno cheating fic, because McDanno is my all time OTP, but this fic was highly recommended and wow, did it nail it. The fic is more about Steve’s internalised homophobia, but I think the way it relates to the show is in how Steve panics and goes back to the familiar. Back to Catherine. It’s a common thing just in life. It’s also extremely common for these travelling husbands that I think characterise Steve to be cheating on their wives, too. Now I’m just pretending Catherine wasn’t there, because it makes no sense for her to be there (jfc, she wasn’t a codebreaker and how did she know he would be on the plane anyway, and was she just sitting in transit in Honolulu waiting for Steve to get on the plane like a stalker) but I think there’s an element of “emotional cheating” to what Steve’s going through when he runs away from the emotional risk that is staying with Danny at the end.

So basically I don’t think Steve running off was OOC. I think it was very in character. What was so frustrating was that the story clearly isn’t over. Running away will not solve Steve’s many issues, and he really does need Danny - and Danny needs him. Steve desperately needs to learn to stop being so selfish and see Danny and the others as full and complete human beings with their own complex needs. It’s tough because Steve pushing Danny was very good for Danny in many respects, so I want to see them learn to thread that line where Danny doesn’t get treated like an emotional doormat, but he also isn’t allowed to just retreat to the safety of familiarity all the time either - he needs a little McGarrett magic in his life!

But after what Danny told Steve when they were stuck in the building collapse, it’s going to be hard for them after this. Danny doesn’t have to look at Steve and imagine him leaving him any longer. Danny now has the memory of it.

tl;dr Steve is a whacked out, certifiable control freak.

[sanktagenyas]

ok so i finally watched those last three episodes. i said buckle up it’s time to suffer and by the saints did i ever suffer. i just knew the darklina scenes were gonna be rough to watch. it was already rough reading the scenes as they were written in book one. i mean the darkling just shines with his intelligence in that chapter, doesn’t he? threaten the man she loves? well the other man she loves? check! tell her she betrayed you when the reality is you’ve been telling half truths all along and didn’t trust her to make her choices? check! 

buddy this isn’t how you apologize. in the show itself it’s pretty much the same back and forth that leads nowhere. you lied to me! you ran off because my mother told you i’m not who i say i am without giving me a chance to explain! you’ve been lying or bending the truth since we met! YOU TURNED YOUR BACK ON YOUR COUNTRY!

by that point i was just like chill the fuck out man you’re about to decimate many many countrymen and you know it. i loved that the stop they made was all about him getting revenge on the man who attempted on alina’s life, that was very unhinged of him and i was HERE for that shit but everyone else in that port? every other woman and child and man on that port? not all of them played a hand and he just went ahead and had them slaughtered without batting an eye. and it’s not like he has some kind of safeguard for grishas does he? how does he know there’s no grisha wherever he’s expanding the fold? some could be in hiding because they fled, because they didn’t want to serve the king. oh well he doesn’t really care about those people does he? we all saw how he spoke about those deserters to arken.

also he could NOT handle alina’s harsh truths about how his own actions are harming grisha close to him even though he claims that every choice he’s made was to protect them and empower them. when she brought up genya i was like yes you better look down you motherfucker! you did this to her, you delivered to her abuser over and over. 

we saw his backstory, some of it and he acted out of grief and rage. he toyed with magic he did not understand and of course he didn’t intend this but his reaction to the fold once it was all said and done was definitely foreshadowing what he was to become. i created something he said defiantly. you created something you don’t have control over. and now he’s done it again somehow, he’s got brand new creatures following him at the end.

i actually felt for young aleksander for losing the woman he loved but the arrogance and the recklessness he showed there is still the same arrogance he has now. he thinks he has thought his plan through but that’s just working off the assumption that no one opposes him ever otherwise he went ahead and put a target on grisha’s backs. he definitely put a target on alina’s back although i know that was never the plan. the fact that when he has a perfectly good remedy to the fold, a chance to actually fix his mistakes once and for all he turns its back and decides to make it ten times worse, chooses ruling via fear over hope is jusr a sign of how far he’s gone. and he didn’t waver once not even when alina was pleading with him that he could have made her his equal, that they could have stayed together and made ravka safe together if only he gave her a choice, he was still manipulative and lied to her face.

at this point i just don’t think his love for her outweighs his belief that he knows what’s best for ravka, what’s the best way to protect grisha. because he doesn’t care about anyone who isn’t grisha at all. he was persecuted like so many others. he won a war for a king centuries and that king turned on him. i’m sure he’s looking at the current one knowing that once grisha have exhausted their uses that king will turn on him too. the fold is just a different kind of war and if he wins that one for the king the darkling already knows what the outcome will be. 

so to summarize this whole darkling commentary here i understand where he is coming from, i understand the fear and the rage and the desperation. it’s not working out for him though. he’s feared but he’s alone. for every ivan there’s a zoya. for every man who’s blindly loyal to him there’ll be someone rising up to oppose him eventually. and if it’s not his own people it’ll be non grisha folks. he has the second army working for him still, but he is alone. and that’s no one’s fault but his own because alina was willing to work with him. 

speaking of alina i loved every second of her rising up to oppose him telling him she never needed him. she may have fallen in love with him but she never actually needed him to be powerful, she only needed to free herself of the restraints she’d put on her powers out of fear. i also thought that the way she freed herself of his control made more sense than it did in the books. 

i have hope for darklina still despite all that’s happened despite how positively full of rage ans resentment she is because she still loves him, she still listened when he pleaded with her that they needed each other if they wanted to deal with the fold. of course there’s the slight issue of him lying directly and manipulating her to do his bidding and of course the fact that he took her power from her. the only thing that was her and he perverted it for his own gain. i think it just might take more than a year for her to forgive him i’m afraid. i don’t necessarily see a path to redemption right now but reconciliation? alina can be merciful, she can be forgiving. i think all it would really take is just one selfless act, one show of good faith. if he keeps pursuing her and mal and keep trying to rob her of her agency however i don’t see them ever having any kind of closure.

i don’t think i need to expand much more on my thoughts on malina. i’m not feeling what the show wants me to feel. i’m not seeing them as these soulmates that belong together. to me they’d be better of as best friends. the darkling didn’t make her strong he tried to steal her strength for his own use but mal doesn’t make her strong either, she relies too much on him. mal actually was pretty damn resourceful when left on his own. i unfortunately couldn’t say the same for alina. co-dependant love is not better than toxic love and darklina’s toxicity (most of it) comes from the lies and from the darkling repeatedly choosing for alina. he’s not brave enough to just tell her what he intends to do and let her decide whether to align herself with him so he lies and he deceives instead. not much he can do to undo it now but he could help actually destroy the fold if he wanted to. i don’t know if he’ll ever come around to it though.

the darkling visiting mal with the sole purpose to rub it in his face that alina and he are immortal and so eventually mal will die and then he could just swoop in was just peak comedy. the way he delivered that line too you’d think he was talking to an insect not another human being. it was brilliant. mal echoing that same line but ending it with “the past will do it for me” was pretty good, nice quip i’ll give mal that but also terribly ironic when you see the ending.

team crows remains the highlight for me. kaz and inej and their unspoken love for each other is just killing me. i can tell there are personal traumas there that i don’t know about (gotta read those damn books and quick) what with kaz not being able to help tend to her wounds and the fact that there were moments were i could see there was maybe a kiss about to happen or an embrace (at the end when kaz let alina go free and made a deal not to rat her out) and it just didn’t happen. there’s a story there about kaz and his distaste for being touched/touching others. jesper is just here to look pretty, shoot shit and be the most charming person in any crowd. i’m in love. also someone give him his goat back for the love of god.

nina and mathias were entertaining for sure. with all that banter and all these jabs i should have really seen them falling for one another coming. i felt like it was perhaps a bit rushed but i guess there’s nothing like almost freezing to death together to make you reconsider your views. you know the whole saving of lives thing can really bond you. the waffle date was adorable. was not expecting nina to just brand herself a traitor for him and she’s damn lucky fyedor came on that mission because i’m pretty sure ivan wouldn’t even have offered to keep her name out of the report. she and mathias ended their story both heartbroken and separated. i really hate that he thinks this was all intentional. really hope she’ll join the crows on their next con job. and i also cannot wait to see the look on heleen’s face when kaz buys inej’s freedom.

i was not at all expecting zoya to turn against the darkling. that’s what happens when you turned down one of your fuck buddies, aleksander they get bitter and then they leave you to be eaten alive by volcras. ok but in all seriousness she did the right thing and i hope she finds her family even if they’re not alive so she can say her goodbyes. 

oh and completely unrelated but since i talked about heights of comedy before i really need more sassy! darkling in my life. he is everything. that quip about his speech. the way he said adorable like he was gagging on the word. him just letting david be his dorkiest self and raise his hand before speaking, that little put upon sigh. i love sassy! darkling almost as much as jealous and petty darkling which is saying a lot. just more of that. it humanizes him, i’m tired of villains who are forever stoic and stone face. 

i think i about covered everyone and everything that happened in those remaining episodes. all in all shadow and bone is an amazing adaptation, really faithful to the first book. they made some changes to the characters which in turn changed some dynamics (alina actually admitted she wanted to be with the darkling. out loud. to his face. book!alina would never and book!darkling would never cry in front of her.) but it made for surprising viewing. it also made me become even more attached to some characters (the darkling let’s be real) which made me care more which is why i was livid when they started making a lot of terrible no good choices.

i was just really blown away by this show and the way the grishaverse was brought to life and above all major props to the actors who all just seemed to be born to play their respective roles. 

[thevoidcannotbefilled]

Its been a while and I dont remember it well, what happened with the w359 finale?

Ooof okay. To you and the other anon here’s my answer. I’m not blind myself, so if I say something out of line, please tell me and I’ll make correction. But here we go: 

Dr. Miranda Pryce was introduced in the final season as one of the main big bad villains of the show. She’s an AI specialized who created Hera, who we already know put the thought of “You’re Not Good Enough” in her head in order to control her. As we hear more of her, we learn that 1) she has a habit of punishing/abusing AIs in order to control them, even revels in it, and 2) she is willing and for the fun of it, used her technological abilities in order to essentially turn the crew on her ship into brain-dead soldiers, not quite dead but only living bc of her machines like human puppets. She also uses said technology to 1) torture information out of Eiffel’s brain and 2) turn everyone else into puppets. 

Overall the impression we get of her: She is a scientist who uses technology in order to control people in whatever means necessary because she finds the ability to control and change people both satisfying and amusing. 

Now, I set this background up to 1) remembering what happened in W359 and 2) the impression we get of this character. She is not sympathetic nor is she trying to be. And that’s fine! You don’t need those type of characters all the time, especially since W359 is FULL of characters that join our side after realizing they’re being used or help the team in one way or another because of sympathy. 

But then, we’re also told that she has cybernetic eyes. And at one point, she losing full sight in them after they were destroyed in an explosion that Eiffel caused. I won’t analyze up to this point how Pryce’s blindness was treated in universe. Again, I’m not an expert and there would be a lot of more subtle nuances I would be missing if I tried to analyze the writing. The only questionable part is having a blind villain when no other character other than arguably Hera are disabled. But also, again, I’m won’t make a fuss for the writing up to that point. 

HOWEVER WE GET TO THE FINALE AND OH BOY. 

The finale starts with a speech from Pryce. Summed up? Pryce was a blind orphan girl who was treated badly because she was blind and was creepy for making “dolls”. She then was recruited by Cutler in order to make AIs and eventually, get the technology to copy people and to change humanity in a way that in their eyes is “better”. IE: turning people into perfect puppets for them to control. 

Okay, lot to unpack there: 

1) In the speech Pryce repeatedly calls herself broken. In fact, describing herself as a “broken girl” when she was picked up by Cutler. Yes, the speech wasn’t literal and was meant to be like she was telling a story, but that doesn’t mean that it makes it any less ableist. No, it does not matter if the blind character is the only who is calling herself broken, 1) there are no other blind characters to counter that, 2) none of our heroes countered her, and 3) may I remind you she is 100% a villain. This means “I was blind and treated awfully for it. I wanted to change the world bc I was mad about I was treated and then went full dictator on things with less power than me” is one of our VILLAIN’S backstory. Idk if they were trying to have some humanity in her or what, but it does not work. This character is too far gone to make sympathetic especially in your finale episode. And if they weren’t trying to make her sympathetic, they were straight up saying, “This character felt so broken by how she was treated and her blindness that she used her skills in order to manipulate and hurt others for my own gain”. That just straight up demonizes blind people. It’s bad writing at best and straight up ableist at worst. 

2) This one is more subtle, but the general idea of technology being used to make people’s lives better, especially enhancements to the body being framed in a negative light has ableist elements in it. Because you know, technology isn’t the issue, it’s what people use technology for that’s the issue. For example, there’s a scene where Pryce is working on her eyes while someone else is in the room. The other person found the idea of talking to her while she didn’t have both eyes in unsettling. Ergo, the message is “cybernetic eyes are creepy”. In reality, technology that can be used to replace body parts, especially tricky things like eyes is so good!!! It shouldn’t be required to have, of course, (Some blind folks don’t mind being blind and people should always have control in regards to what happens to their body if it only affects their body!!!) but having the choice to repair your vision if you’d like is AMAZING. But the show sort of frames any sort of technology as invasive and inhumane. Another example, only the main villains have body modifications. Cutler made enhancements to his body to make it faster and stronger (which makes sense in character), but also with it, the implication that having body modifications makes him less humane. 

There’s a running theme in the show that humanity is a choice, a messy choice with messy lives, but one you make. With that, while the villains are human, they lose their humanity by not caring about others. Which good!!! Excellent theming!!! But, in Wolf 359, the villains also make body modifications to themselves, and only the villains. This builds on the long and tired trope of things like canes, braces, artificial limbs, and other similar things are a sign of villainy or inhumanity, as if adding these elements to yourself modifies your humanity. Which, just isn’t the case. This is especially strange in this series because we have an AI main character who struggles with being treated as human because she’s an AI, but definitely sees herself  and wants others to treat her as a person.

This is especially disappointing because the villains’ plan is to reshape people and make them “better”. Cutler’s plan is to turn humanity into mindless puppets for them to control. It’s a natural conclusion from “being utterly disposable when necessary” to “you’re being kept around because you’re useful” to “you’re useful, but we don’t care about your humanity, so we’re taking away all your humanity to control you”. You didn’t need the other stuff with the blindness and the implication that body enhancements at all to make this point. 

So, I won’t go on for longer, but TLDR: Wolf359′s finale has a blind character not only call herself broken but also has her be one of the main villains. A villain who doesn’t care for other’s boundaries and repeatedly uses her technological skills to modify others without permission. There are also undertones within the series that physical modification in general is creepy and invasive without nuance.  This could have easily been avoided within the narrative because most of this was added either within the final season or within the finale itself. That’s why parts of the final season and especially the finale are ableist. 

(If I’m overstepping, please tell me, and I’ll reblog additions/edit the post as necessary. This is meant to be an explanation because I got a few anons about it).