#eighteen (crazy)

[raevampx]

seeing people my age go out and do shit while im rotting in my bed su!cidal and cant make eye contact

[feathercreates]

"Old friend... I miss you so much. I'm so sorry."

[astradyke]

i love being randomly reminded that they are in love for real and have been together for 15 years, i go genuinely insane over that being an actual fact, not a tumblr theory lmao

it's such a crazy thing to think about, right? because like... in the early years (for me 2009-2012), i think it's easier to see their affection in a really transparent way-- they were so young, they had smaller followings, they were living together and doing all these silly creative things and you can just so brightly see how endeared they were to each other. it's actually really heartwarming (and a little bittersweet) to see the kind of stuff up back from that era, like amazingdan and the blindfolded cat game... all their tweets, like.

and then after 2012-- setting aside the other stressors they've addressed that undeniably contributed to how they behaved then-- they started getting like, crazy youtube popular. obviously a slower process-- they were still doing BBC and shit to cover bills-- but there was TATINOF and all their red carpet events, collabs upon collabs, a shit ton of really popular merch? DAPG drops, like, peak fame as you hit 2016 and shit.

and i think that's what shocks me so much, i guess, when reflecting on it. because early days, yeah, they were so gone for each other and you can really tell. imo once you hit interactive introverts & dan has his whole rebrand, his youtube content begins shifting, phil starts changing things up-- there i think my brain has been able to comprehend their love for each other, and especially once you hit hiatus and on i mean... i'm like ceo of laying awake at night thinking about the hiatus years. everything was a love confession then.

but it's during their most popular years where it really jarrs me to remember like, oh yeah. phan was real. they loved each other. they were romantic together. and it's so crazy because it's like... they were online personas by then, they were busy they were doing all these things, and they hadn't get gotten the level of relaxation and confidence they seem to have with their content nowadays and definitely had in the beginning, right? it was this unsteady place. and they were in love.

it's also like... look, i'm five days shy of turning nineteen so i'm not exactly qualified to wax poetic about being in your twenties. but like shit, those are transformative years. and they were crazy public and doing all these bigshot things. and they were in love. and when i look back and see them laughing at each other, eyes meeting for a second, then a jumpcut, i'm like- oh yeah. all this craziness in their lives, a goddamn whirlwind, but they were just. in love. like... fuck, man. they won rpf

[emby-m]

What has four legs in the morning, two legs in the afternoon, and three legs at night?

(an exploration of andreas over the course of 25 years, plus quotes)

[nintendoggender]

I AM GONNA MAKE IT, THROUGH THIS YEAR IF IT KILLS ME

[beanbeanbee]

Deadass weeping after watching the Ōkami Sequel trailer. Like I don't even care if anyone following me goes here or not this is the only thing I'll be thinking about for the next month. Amaterasu. Ammy. Bby girl.

[annabananaaxox]

I just finished the second week of uni. It went by really quickly, it's been good. I don't have much work yet so I've been getting back into substack lately.

I made an instagram account specifically for my writing, it's @thatswhytheycallmeanitaa, i hope you follow it. I also hope you follow my substack, you won't regret it.

I'm currently reading Antigone, for uni; it always makes me tear up. I'm writing a lot, in fact I will post an essay on substack tomorrow (hopefully).

Substack is a strange place, just as tumblr or letterboxd are, it's hard to find a community there, plus nobody I know in real life ever uses any of these apps. Most of my Substack followers and subscribers are people I know irl who decided to subscribe to do me a favor, but they never read, like or comment on my posts; it's discouraging.

For all my life I've thought the only possible job I could ever have was to be a writer or artist, now, already in university, I fear people might not want to consume my art; I fear being invisible.

Maybe this is weird, but I'm scared. I've only ever wanted to write, and to have people consume my writing.

Anyways, I'm going crazy but I still love all of you,

Xx, lots of love,

Anna

[alaskan-wallflower]

i was subconsciously thinking about how i’m not gonna have to go to next years graduation (i’ve been in band/choir and have had to go to all of them) but then i realized

i’m graduating next year

what 😭

[backseatloversz]

me when i lived in the desert the first eighteen or so years of my life

[turtle-loving-enby]

The "girl " who has never taken a selfie bc "she" always hates how she looks to nonbinary goblin person who has so many selfies bc they're finally starting to feel happy as themselves pipeline is so damn real ngl

[s-ccaam-era-crepe]

its official !!!

[your-mom-friend]

i looked it up out of curiosity and i think it's fucking hilarious that the OG 5 members of the straw hat pirates are all like, under 20. they were out conquering the east blue because they couldn't be at the club they were too young

[dipperscavern]

oscar tully fanfic when

GOODNIGHT. i was at first gonna take this as a joke but…………. he served i cannot lie

WAIT THE ACTOR IS 18????!!??? HE LOOKS SO YOUNG WHAT

[uncanny-tranny]

For TST, it's still Thursday now for me at least: I've been on T for 6 years + now, and I've noticed in the past few months that I'm finally in a place with my body (and my mind) where I don't worry that other people can "tell" just by looking at me. And it's so nice to just exist without worrying about whether they "can tell" or not.

Holy shit, six years sounds so long... do you know how much I look forward to being where you are? I know people longer in transition aren't inherently inspiring nor should they be expected to be so, but I still find it really heartwarming and hopeful.

[megumi-fm]

.

[fix-me-sixteen]

people are way too nonchalant in agggtm about drinking