#eight of them and they were very loud but also very funny. they were having such a good time.

[pretentiouswreckingball]

Reggie’s first train ride! 🌸🐧 🧢 💺❣️🚆

[haveyouseenthisskeleton]

Skeleton's adult children said they couldn't come for Christmas this year, but shows up as a surprise to celebrate with him and S/O (who was warned about it for the food lol). For the main boys!

Undertale Sans - Sans was slightly down about not seeing his kids this year. Family is everything for him and he was just sad he couldn't celebrate with the people he loves the most. He's genuinely shocked and confused when he opens the door and finds his two kids waiting. That's the best surprise ever. He really doesn't care about the presents, that's a present big enough for him already. He's cheerful all night.

Undertale Papyrus - He found it oddly suspicious you cooked so much honestly and he had a feeling something like that was about to happen. That or you wanted to stuff Sans like a Christmas turkey or something, he wasn't too sure. Papyrus is excited about his kids showing up and acts like he didn't expect it at all with a bit too much passion.

Underswap Sans - Well, he's on service on Christmas day anyway so he didn't have time to process his S/O would be alone on Christmas. He's surprised to see both his S/O and his kids come to fetch him by force so he spends Christmas with them. His boss was already aware. He is happy to have a day off, but it also means he needs to go through a family dinner and he's not too excited about it.

Underswap Papyrus - Being the original Mr. Dad, Honey was devastated to not have his babies home for Christmas, and even quite depressed, even though he was happy to celebrate with his S/O. He's crying on his knees when he opens the door and finds all of his children here. He's so happy he faints actually. When he wakes up, he has no idea what's going on, he's just happy.

Underfell Sans - He understands. His children are big and they have their lives now. Just like Edge, they don't have any more time for little old him. He was kinda resigned to his fate until he opens the door and finds them all here, both his children and his brother. Uh??? Red says they shouldn't have come and everything, but he can't hide for long he is actually a tiny bit relieved they didn't forget about him. It seems he didn't mess up educating them all after all. That's a little bit comforting.

Underfell Papyrus - He was fine with the idea as he would have seen them all on New Year anyway. He didn't understand why his S/O insisted on cooking so much food and he started to argue when someone rang at the door. Ah. So that's why. Ah, ah, very funny. You think you are all so clever, right? He's pouting, and he won't give the kids their presents before the next day just to show he's mad lol. He's stubborn, and you won't convince him to say he's actually happy to see them.

Horrortale Sans - .... Were you not supposed to come? He doesn't know, he kinda forgot. Oak just assumed they were coming and set the table for them anyway, so everyone thought he knew already. He didn't. Or, well, he did, but unwillingly. He's just happy his kids are here.

Horrortale Papyrus - He knew that it could happen so he set the table for his children anyway. Willow doesn't like to be unprepared in case something unexpected happens, so he did like the kids were coming anyway. And look at that, he knew he was right! Willow is happy he cooks for 200 people (even though you're just eight, help), no one is going to starve tonight. You're all going to be dying in bed the next day so you can't leave, which is also part of his plan to keep you longer at home. Next time, you'll think about visiting more often.

Swapfell Sans - Nox was secretly hoping for it the second he saw his S/O cook way more food than they could eat in one night. He's kinda waiting all day at the window like a sad puppy, or running to the window every time there's a loud car in the street. Of course, when his S/O stares at him, he immediately acts like he's bitching on the neighbors like usual, he has a reputation after all. He even falls asleep waiting for them at some point. When his baby comes, he's so excited that you're pretty sure you've never seen him like that in your entire life. Nox feels like it's not really Christmas as long as everyone is not home.

Swapfell Papyrus - He asks his child to prove him they're not an evil clone of his child. And he won't move off the way before you do. You come here uninvited, and he's going to troll you to make you pay after making him believe you were not coming. He eventually lets them in after they tell a joke that actually makes him laugh. He's just happy his kid is home.

Fellswap Gold Sans - He calls his S/O delusional and in denial all day, and now he's shutting up for good. He's even a little mad that they actually showed up and made him look like an idiot. How dare you do that to your old father? Now he has to apologize and he hates to apologize! Go apologize to your other parent for him this instant!

Fellswap Gold Papyrus - He's a little disappointed and resigned to only cuddle with S/O tonight when the kids show up out of nowhere. Coffee is speechless. And not prepared??? Why didn't you say you were coming? He's not ready! All the gifts are in his room! He's panicking now. You said they were not coming, now nothing is ready and everything is wrong. Christmas is stressful man!

[frozenjokes]

mermaid mumbo jumbo takes up rock climbing

ao3 link

Mumbo was acting strange.

It was noticeable immediately when he and Scar didn’t share their usual energetic greeting, though Grian thought it was possible Mumbo just wasn’t feeling it, maybe he was tired, or just started to value his personal space again. It wasn’t a massive deal. Easily brushed off. Grian himself had been set on fishing today, overtaken by a sudden longing he hadn’t felt in so long, and although fishing in this spot was.. less than stellar, he had still been excited, ready with his equipment, his headphones, and a steady determination to make something out of today.

Focused on this, it was easier not to notice Mumbo’s distance from Scar. Not engaging, not playing. He seemed to be busy with something else, combing for pebbles by the shore, but even as Scar rambled on and walked by his side, Mumbo never looked up.

It was a little weird when Mumbo sidled up to the rocky overhang where Grian was perched to stare. Mumbo always did plenty of staring, this wasn’t new, but he never bothered with the rocks, the hill way too steep and the boulders Grian typically used to climb up here were too treacherous for someone without legs. However weird, it was amusing to see the tips of Mumbo’s spiky hair poke up over the side of the overhang, along with the sounds of struggle of him attempting to remain steady on his tail. Mumbo could easily stand five or six feet tall on land, but eight was pushing it, his tail lacking the stability to hold him as it thinned near the end. Grian liked seeing just a second of Mumbo’s head over the sparse grass as he attempted to jump, and then when Mumbo remembered he had hands, Grian also found it silly when Mumbo scrabbled at the dirt and rock, finally pulling himself up enough to rest his head on the cliff edge, arms flopped out in front of him as an anchor.

“Hey there,” Grian smiled, waving with his new prosthetics. He assumed that’s what Mumbo wanted to see, Grian using his invention from the deep. In general, Grian did not find them all that practical, but for holding the rod, it was actually quite nice to get the extra support with the curled fingers. And whether or not Grian found the glove terribly useful, there was no way he wouldn’t be taking it to the beach every day for the rest of his life now. Mumbo made it for him, loved that he was using it, and it was a very sweet gesture, even if Grian was afraid to wash it using anything but straight water- what if it tore or shrunk? Honestly, even if the little finger bits weren’t the most helpful things in the world, the compression did wonders for the little phantom pains Grian kept feeling down his hand and arm, and beyond that, Grian quite liked the cosmetics.. Listen, having claws was awesome, okay! Even if you only had them on three of your ten fingers, Grian just felt cool.

Mumbo lingered until he got uncomfortable by the looks of it, then slid back down the side of the overhang. Based on Scar’s loud laughter, it must have been pretty silly looking, but Grian couldn’t see from his angle. Unfortunate. Grian went back to fishing, thinking very little of it.

He thought a little bit more of it when Mumbo did it again. And again. And again. He and Grian nearly knocked heads when Grian poked over the side just for Mumbo to launch himself up at the same time, both of them making a startled sound and scrambling back.

Scar found this quite funny as well. “I think he wants you to come down, G!”

“Well-“ Grian felt indignant, not having fished in weeks, “I’m fishing! He can wait!”

“He wants you to come down noooww! You’re not going to catch anything anyway, you may as well.”

“I- Just for that, I’m staying put. You can tell Mumbo yourself it’s your fault.”

Scar seemed delighted to do just that, walking up behind the mermaid to deliver the bad news. “I’m sorry, Mumbo, Grian’s fishing. He doesn’t want to come down because he doesn’t love you, but you can hang out with me if you want.” Mumbo’s fins flicked, but other than that, he didn’t acknowledge Scar at all. Maybe he understood though, because Mumbo seemed to be giving up on the cliff side, heading towards something- Oh dear, he was going to try and scale the rocks.

Even Scar seemed astonished by this, both he and Grian watching in mild amazement and Mumbo lifted himself up on the first of many rocks, but he wasn’t a snake or anything, he did not have nearly the motor skills or flexibility of a land animal. The rocks were pretty rough, too, Grian couldn’t imagine they felt very good on his scales. But Mumbo seemed determined, slowly scooting to the next boulder up, then the third, shakier now as he struggled to balance on all three, and.. oh, there he goes.

Mumbo’s middle third slipped off, bringing the rest of himself tumbling as well and landing with a pathetic sounding thwap in the very rocky sand, oof, that couldn’t have felt good. Grian had a few scrapes and scars from slipping himself, though it couldn’t have hurt too bad, Mumbo right back up and trying again moments later.

..It was a little hard to watch.

Scar was very clearly trying not to laugh, but not doing a very good job of it, and Grian wouldn’t be surprised if the growing frequency of Mumbo’s irritated fin flicks were directed at him, but.. Well, it was funny. Grian couldn’t blame Scar on that front. He did try to go back to fishing, but the pathetic noises of Mumbo flopping onto the sand were a little bit distracting, and Grian couldn’t help himself from looking back every couple minutes to watch. Oof.. If Mumbo wanted him to come down so bad, maybe he should just do it. It’s not like he couldn’t fish on the sand, but he typically tried to avoid casting his line in an area of such high traffic. He supposed he could wade into the weeds, but grimaced at the threat of the cold water. No thanks. Well, he’d catch something up here at least before throwing in the towel.

Mumbo gave up before that happened though, which was probably for the best. Grian thought so at least until Mumbo started messing with his line, argh, he hated when Mumbo did that! It was a bigger issue in the first weeks they’d met, but Mumbo learned pretty quickly this made Grian seethe.. though apparently this wasn’t stopping Mumbo anymore. Grian jerked his line when Mumbo pounced on it, but this didn’t stop Mumbo from trying to pull, his biggest enemy being Grian reeling the lure in as fast as he could.

“You’re going to get hooked, Mumbo!”

Mumbo didn’t give a fuck. He knew the bit at the end was sharp, Grian was certain that he could see the flash of the oncoming lure, too, and Grian was proven correct, though not in the way he’d wanted to be. Grian drew a sharp, horrified breath when Mumbo jumped on the lure, clasping it hard in both hands, then pulled gently, as if reminding Grian not to let go of the rod. Grian almost did when Mumbo pulled harder, steady, but strong, forcing line out of the reel even at Grian’s delayed attempt to stop him. Grian winced hard when Mumbo tore the hooks out of his hand, but apparently it didn’t hurt that much, because in the next moment Mumbo was tying the damn thing to a branching tree root. Oh my god. Oh my god!!!

“Mumbo!” Grian screeched, though Mumbo didn’t look like he thought he was in very much trouble, showing Grian his palms in what looked like an almost-human gesture, but one Mumbo didn’t quite understand. And then he dove under the water, leaving Grian gaping stupidly with his taut rod. “Mumbo!! You untie the line right this instant! I am not cutting my line over something so stupid- I like that lure!!” But it was clear Mumbo wasn’t coming back, and when Grian stopped seeing his dark shape under the water, he whirled on a cackling Scar.

“Go get it!”

“What?” Scar spoke tearfully, and Grian didn’t doubt he hadn’t heard over his own obnoxious howling.

“You’re already wet! Go untie my lure!”

Scar snorted, “Well, sir, even though you asked so very nicely, I wasn’t planning on dunking all the way since Mumbo clearly isn’t in the mood to deal with me today. That’s quite the swim you’re asking of me too, and I hate going over there, the weeds tickle my feet like monsters. Why don’t you go?”

“I’m stuck up here with the rod!”

“I could hold it for you.”

“I don’t have a swim suit!”

“Just go in your clothes? Mumbo wants you to come down anyway, you should say hi!”

“I will not give him the satisfaction.” Grian growled, and Scar laughed.

“There it is.”

“Shut up! You are useless to me! Useless!” Grian held his rod between his legs, grabbing the small tackle box behind him. But just when he thought he’d left his pocket knife in his bag, Mumbo surfaced once more, a wriggling bass in his jaws. He did not acknowledge Grian’s venomous admonishing, turning to where he’d tied the lure, undoing it, then gracelessly taking the heavily injured bass from his own mouth and sticking it hard on the hook. Fins waving contentedly, Mumbo tossed the poor thing right back in the water. Silently, Grian reeled it in.

“...Thanks.”

Mumbo returned to staring. Even when Grian awkwardly brought all his stuff down from the overhang, including the heavily maimed fish, Mumbo only stared, making no move to do- whatever it was he wanted to do now that Grian was within reach. Honestly, the idea of Mumbo’s proximity was a little disconcerting, but Grian crushed the feeling back down. He was so tired of being scared, he just wanted things to go back to normal.

But when Mumbo did move back onto land, he did not go to Grian or Scar. He was right back at the overhang, fins flicking at the bottom of the steep hill. Ah. Grian understood. When he voiced this sentiment, Scar turned, bewildered.

“You understand?”

“He’s made an enemy,” Grian nodded, sage, and at the same moment Mumbo tried once more to push himself up the side of the hill. It was a lot more sad looking from this angle. No, no, this wouldn’t do. “We need to get him up that hill side.”

///

For about the fifteen thousandth time today, Mumbo slid pathetically down the slope. Fuck! Fuck! Stupid fucking hill, stupid legs he didn’t have- why was it so hard to get up there, Mumbo was- He was going to get up there if it was the last thing he did! At the bottom of the hill, face down, he pounded a fist against the sand.

///

“Oohh, y’know, he does look upset,” Scar mused, rubbing his chin. “Actually, I’ve got something in my car that can help! I’ll be right back!” Scar ran off without explanation, and Grian didn’t bother calling after him. Instead, he wandered back over to Mumbo, unsure entirely about what his plan here was, but he felt the need to provide some kind of moral support, in the same way he’d stand awkwardly next to the toilet while one of his wasted friends puked their brains out.

“I believe in you,” he tried, and Mumbo did look up at him, but not for very long, his attention drawn back to the hillside, fins drawn back. “Yeah,” Grian mumbled. “I don’t think I could get up that way either. Especially if I weighed two tons.” Curiosity led him to lay his good hand on the scarred surface regardless; could he climb this? Most definitely not, he did not have the upper body strength for that, not to mention half the fingers on his right hand were gone, but still. Grian tried jumping, a little pathetically. The overhang was probably about eight and a half feet high, and he could hold himself briefly at the top if he used his feet to hike up the side, though not as long as Mumbo could. But now Grian was invested, his attempts to scramble up the side of the hill just as pathetic as Mumbo’s.

Grian was so focused on this new challenge, he had nearly forgotten Mumbo was there. He was currently attempting to dig his feet into the side of the hill to keep steady, but that wasn’t keeping him from slipping as far as his hands were concerned, holding pathetically onto patches of weeds. And then something grabbed his ankles, and Grian couldn’t so much as squeak before being shoved near effortlessly over the top of the overhang. Stunned, Grian just sat there for a minute before peeking over the edge to see a very pleased looking Mumbo, fins waving.

Grian couldn’t help but chuckle, “I guess that’s one way to do it. Your turn, then?” He slid down from the top, dusting off his butt and legs before pointing back to the top. Grian wasn’t exactly sure if Mumbo would be okay with being touched, but he had to assume they both had the same idea here. Mumbo blinked, lifting himself slowly to full height like it was a question. Grian tried to mime pushing him up. Mumbo mirrored the gesture. Did that mean he understood? Either way, Mumbo strained to pull himself to the top of the cliff- woof, it wasn’t every day Grian realized how massive he was. Still, Grian experimented very gently with touching Mumbo’s side, just to make sure it was okay. A little nerve wracking, Grian wouldn’t lie, but while Mumbo’s fins twitched, he did not make any additional movements. Alright. Grian could do this- for the cause!

Mumbo dropped back down, presumably understanding that this was a test. The next time Mumbo flung himself back at the top of the overhang, Grian grabbed near the end of his tail with his palms, heaving upward, but very quickly realized he did not have the grip needed to be effective without hugging the tail. He didn’t want to do this for multiple reasons- Grian always managed to forget that fish were indeed kind of slimy, and also he didn’t particularly want his head bitten off, but Mumbo was trying so hard!

“Whoa! Look at that!” Scar’s voice startled Grian into letting go, and Mumbo in turn slid back down the cliff, fins lowered dejectedly. “That working at all?”

Grian shrugged noncommittally, “He’s too slippery..” though he trailed off when he turned to see Scar. “Is that a step ladder? Scar, there’s no way he’s going to be able to use that, it’ll fall for sure. Why do you have that anyway?”

“You never know when you’ll need a step ladder, Grian! This bad boy’s a little rickety, but we’ll hold it still for Mumbo!”

“Hold it? If he loses his balance on that thing one of us is going to get crushed!”

“Not if he’s successful on the first try! C’mon, he could have crushed you just as easily when you were trying to push him up- not that you were trying very hard, geez, you’d probably have better luck wrapping your arms around him.”

Grian snorted, “Sure. He’s too heavy anyway, it doesn’t matter.”

“You think he’ll break my step ladder?”

“Most definitely. I think he’ll take you out in the process as well, there’s no way this works.”

“So you’re not going to help me?” Scar scoffed, marching over to the overhang without waiting for an answer, “You’re the one who declared we needed to get him up there in the first place! Whose side are you on? The enemy?”

“I’ll help.” Grian gave his shoulder a playful shove, “But at the first sign of trouble, I’m gone.”

“There won’t be any trouble,” Scar huffed, getting Mumbo’s attention for the first time today by opening the ladder up and pushing it into the ground. Not even five minutes passed before Scar was face down and twitching in the sand after being crushed by a two ton mermaid, Mumbo sniffing him concernedly, with the step ladder in pieces. Yeah. Just about as well as Grian thought this would go.

“Alright!” Scar shot a pointed finger straight up into the air, making Mumbo jump back in alarm, “Grian, you go to the top. I’m gonna push him up from the bottom and you’re going to pull from your end.”

“Oh,” Grian blinked looking up to the overhang, “You think we’ll both fit up there?”

“Well you can abandon ship if you need to, and clearly you aren’t suited for the groundwork, seriously, that was a little bit pathetic.”

“You- You are being so mean to me!” Grian crossed his arms, “Our friend has gained an affinity for rock climbing, and all you’re giving me are bad ideas and flack.”

“Who’s giving who flack? You’ve been nothing but a Negative Nancy since the start of this endeavor!”

“I think being practical about your bad idea doesn’t constitute negativity, but sure, go ahead and project.”

“I think that’s enough outta you,” Scar went from his hands and knees to knocking Grian’s legs out from under him with terrifying speed, and Grian was not a small guy, Scar should not have been able to sweep him off his feet like that, but before Grian could process any of that, Scar attempting to throw him to the top of the hill was a new and terrifying experience that had all of his attention. Grian screeched and flailed as he was tossed upward, though predictably, he didn’t get very far, and he certainly wasn’t trying to grab on to any overhangs. Scar stumbled as he caught Grian, nearly falling, but that didn’t stop him from chastising, “Come on, G! You gotta try a little bit harder than that!”

“No no no no no-!” Grian did not stop screaming when he was thrown, but this time, his flight abruptly ended, long fingers under his armpits holding him over Mumbo’s head while the mermaid leaned over to hiss in Scar’s direction. Grian stopped flailing, mildly stunned by this development until he was brought closer to the hillside and practically shoved up the side. Broken from his stupor, Grian scrambled to the top.

“Oh my god. Mumbo! Me next! Me next! Mumbo me next!” Scar threw his arms up like a toddler to his disgruntled father, jumping up and down in such a way that seemed to exacerbate Mumbo’s fed up expression. Well, maybe Grian’s imagination was doing some heavy lifting as far as facial expressions went, but Mumbo’s fins seemed to tell a similar story. Mumbo gave Scar a firm thumbs down, a succinct expression of exactly his feelings on the matter, but Scar only resorted to begging, retaliating with his own double thumbs up. Drooping fins indicated just how exasperated Mumbo was becoming, but this was an unfortunate indication to Scar that Mumbo was close to caving, his efforts to achieve this thrill for himself redoubling.

After a lot of Scar pointing to himself and then to Mumbo in a frenzied fashion, Mumbo finally snatched him up, shaking him vigorously and briefly before dropping Scar on his ass and returning to the cliffside. Scar laid back in the sand, KO’d, but equally awed. Grian guessed that probably made his week.

But Scar wasn’t down for long, and when Mumbo moved to continue his journey to the top of the hill, Scar was back up in moments, attempting to communicate what he intended to do while Mumbo mostly ignored him. Grian snorted at that, Scar gaping helplessly as he tried and failed to get Mumbo’s attention, and from what Grian could guess of Mumbo’s fins, the mermaid was absolutely getting quite a bit of satisfaction out of this.

However, Grian didn’t want Scar to get bit by touching Mumbo when he wasn’t expecting it, so he gave the plan explanation his own shot, easier when Mumbo was paying attention to the pantomiming Grian was attempting to do. When Mumbo finally looked back at Scar, Scar gently reached to touch his tail, and when the mermaid blinked, unmoving, Scar took this as permission, giving Grian a hearty thumbs up.

“Here we go! I’ll do most of the heavy lifting, G, don’t you worry.”

Grian rolled his eyes. “I guess I’m not.”

Mumbo looked between them, seeming to understand their shared agreement before lining himself up against the hill side. Grian couldn’t help but notice how Mumbo shook when he heaved himself upright; Grian supposed he’d be struggling too after living in water his whole life then throwing himself at a wall for nearly two hours.. Well, Grian hoped this would work. When Mumbo launched himself skyward, hands over the stony edge, Scar was at his midsection in an instant, but Mumbo didn’t seem to expect Grian to touch his hands, letting go with a small whistle aaaaand based on the frightened yelp from below, crushing Scar for the second time today.

Grian poked his head over the overhang, and couldn’t stifle a chuckle when he saw a near repeat of twenty minutes ago, Scar groaning in the sand and Mumbo sniffing his hair. Mumbo must’ve concluded Scar was fine though, hardly spending thirty seconds over his body and turning right back to the cliff, ready to try again. When Scar didn’t get up fast enough, Mumbo whacked him with his tail, to which Scar jumped up, indignance expressed in a jumble of words and stuttering that couldn’t have been English. Mumbo only looked smug, and when Scar wasn’t acknowledged, he returned to his post, grumbling but ready.

The second time went smoother. Mumbo’s initial jump got him pretty far, and Grian hadn’t so much as pulled on his end when a massive lurch pushed Mumbo over the edge past his chest. With a little more pulling, pushing, and a lot of flailing on Mumbo’s side, most of him was up, and 100% of that Mumbo was completely squashing Grian, since, as predicted, there was not nearly enough room for the both of them.

It took a moment for Grian to realize that he should be panicking, that this was exactly one of the things he was so afraid of, being crushed, trapped, helpless here, but even with this realization he just.. felt nothing. Huh. Well, he supposed he appreciated his brain and body for doing him this favor. Mumbo being a complete doofus probably helped. Grian was less fond when said doofus started to move, to his credit, attempting to crush Grian less, but Mumbo was far less coordinated outside of the water, and it seemed the best that he could do was curl in a tight circle, the meat of his body behind Grian and the rest of him draped over Grian’s outstretched legs, fins flopped in random directions. Something in Grian- maybe everything- softened when Mumbo rested his head just above Grian’s knee, closing his eyes with the quietest little trill. Oh. Oh dear. Grian could never move again.

Given the look of awe on his face, Scar must have had a similar thought, though when he opened his mouth, Grian was convinced instead that a single thought had never entered his brain, “Alright, I’m coming up!”

“Wait wait wait-!” Grian could not prepare or escape under the weight of Mumbo’s tail, and Mumbo himself had hardly reacted to Grian’s sudden panic before Scar had vaulted the cliffside. Mumbo jumped so hard when Scar grabbed his tail for security that he nearly fell off the other side, Grian flipping around to grab the base of Mumbo’s tail and back to keep him from slipping.

“Whoa, sorry, Mumbo!” Scar didn’t sound very sorry at all as he crawled over Mumbo’s tail and fins, rearranging and squeezing himself under Mumbo’s tail like a blanket, all barriers of touch being apparently broken. Given how still Mumbo was, Grian guessed he was too stunned to do much about this, and Grian did his best to pull the bulk of his body securely back onto the overhang. Scar, on the other hand, was curling up in the space he’d made for himself, resting his head near the end of Mumbo’s tail.

Mumbo whistled something, and given the aggressive flicking of his fins, Grian guessed it was not a happy something, but neither of them were forcibly evicted, and only a few moments later, Mumbo’s chin returned to rest on Grian’s leg. Ah.. Right then.

It took a few minutes for Grian’s heart to stop pounding, but then things were quiet, things were calm, things were.. almost nice. Grian was sitting at a bit of an odd angle, and he wasn’t entirely sure he wanted to lean all of himself on Mumbo’s aforementioned slimy back, but he did cave, especially when it was clear neither Scar nor Mumbo intended on leaving any time soon.

The sun was shining, warm and gentle on Grian’s face. This wasn’t so bad. This wasn’t so bad at all.

In bed tonight, trying to fall asleep, Grian would be consumed by the utter impossibility of something like that happening, of existing there, of being one of the only- maybe the only person who’d made such a connection with a creature that humans knew so little about, it may as well have been alien. What a life this was. More than he’d ever been before, he was consumed with an immense gratitude that he was still here to experience it.

///

‘And then I climbed all the way to the top of that cliff, the one Red fishes off of, all the way to the top! And you know, as much as those two can skeeve me out with their grubby little hands, it was kinda nice to sit up there with the both of them, they’re cute, that’s what I think. Shame I couldn’t stay, but I was pretty dried out at that point, my scales still hurt.’

Mumbo was as yappy as those damn humans of theirs this evening, and Atlas couldn’t tell if this was an improvement to before or far worse. Either way, they were certainly being annoying, and Atlas couldn’t keep themself from a snarky response.

‘I thought the plan was to ignore Scars today, tomorrow, and for the rest of time, what happened to that?’

Mumbo’s fins waved, but there was no irritation there, no lack of amusement, ‘Scars didn’t even notice when I gave it a try, dense little creature. And when they wanted my attention, there was no stopping them, really, there wasn’t.’ Mumbo blew a few bubbles from their nose, setting their head on their hands. ‘I don’t think I could keep it up, even if I wanted to. I’m weak, Atlas. They have no idea what they do to me..’ Mumbo paused, their fins flicking, ‘Both of them, really.’

Atlas’s tentacles twitched at that, though whatever emotion shivered through their veins, they could not identify it. Easy to call it disgust, concern, and leave it at that, but..

‘I didn’t take Scars’s gift today, just pretended to forget it. I think they forgot in earnest if I’m being honest, but that’s besides the point. Tomorrow I’ll set them straight, I’ll do it properly. Nothing will stick in that thick head of theirs if I let this go on. I just wish I had a way to tell them neither of us want their old, stiff fish.’

Atlas snorted, ‘You don’t want the ice, either.’

Mumbo dismissed them with a flick of their tail, unbothered, ‘It’s the thought that counts.’

[luciferanalyzestar]

I love dark humor but HH is very lacking about expect the pilot for example the jolke about angel insults vaggie who asks if he is trying to be rasist oe sexist and he tells which make her more mad. Only joke I like in series it is when nifty told about how she torture insects and nobody catch her because they are too afraid.

The comparation between hh heaven and P&S one is beacuse the main character act rude and sinful but big point they are been kicked out ! Heaven don't approve but in same time there is episode where a demon ascend , so P&S heaven is good place.

The funny thing i don't consider HH!heaven corropt sure they made extemination, in secret so we don't know what all population thinking about, and without extremination sinners would be dangerous because Hell is just amusement park for evil, imp company make their money killing humans by commision from sinners, if they could they do themselcves. Hell is full of worst , for examople when vaggie was suppost to be protitue for me, that heaven was corropt because prostitue should be hold accontoble like pimp, serial killer, gangster

I like dark / general fuck up humor too. For example, the life lesson parody channel Tomorrow's Teachings. That channel has made me laugh out of loud so many times due to how absurd the plots are. I do not like every joke made in those videos though and they can cross into tasteless or too fucked up if you know about that channel's history.

For a show set in Hell, Hazbin is lacking in the dark humor category. The only joke that got a giggle out of me was in episode one when Niffty freezes up when the camera is on her and I like how it comes back at the end of episode eight. I like to me a good call back.

This show never made me laugh. I found those Gen Alpha parody songs that were made when the show was released to be funny. So many of them live in my head rent free. Also, I have watched this voice over parody more than the actual show. Makes me laugh every time, it is so stupid. /lh

Back on topic, I wish the show had more character-based humor and maybe dry/deadpan humor. There are many forms of humor. Focusing on just on one type can make your show dull.

The funny thing i don't consider HH!heaven corropt sure they made extemination, in secret so we don't know what all population thinking about, and without extremination sinners would be dangerous

I wonder what the reaction would be if the exterminations are revealed to Winners. Will they be against it, for it, or neutral. This is probably will be explore when Molly [Angel's twin sister] gets introduce. Like would she care that there is a chance that her brothers and father will be killed by angels? It is also a headscratcher that she is in Heaven. She is a spider like the rest of her family, meaning she had a part in crimes her father or brothers committed. We just have to put a pin in that until Season 2.

Hell is full of worst , for examople when vaggie was suppost to be protitue for me, that heaven was corropt because prostitue should be hold accontoble like pimp, serial killer, gangster.

I think I mentioned before, I think in my Charlie blog post, but I wish Hell and Heaven had clear set rules on what gets you set to those places. The unfortunate implications of that being a sex worker gets you sent to Hell is horrible. I hope when we see more of Heaven it is revealed that sex work exists in Heaven like in the form of OF models.

[toulousewayne]

Batfamily Shenanigans:Head-canons Pt: 4

The Wayne family attends Gala all the time. Some have for years, but that doesn’t mean that all enjoy them. Bruce and Damian attend them purely for appearances, Dick is there to kept his siblings from burning down the building, Jason always sneaks in as different undercover identities, Tim has to go because he has to also keep up appearances but most of the time you will find him indirectly call the investors idiots. Duke and Steph are at the snack table, Cass sticks next to Babs at the table and they watch the chaos together. Alfred joins them sometimes.

It comes as to no shock that Tim has severe Narcolepsy, but Dick and Bruce have insomnia.

Damian watched Tim while he sleeps. No one knows when he started but he always tells the other it’s because Tim is prone to falling. Which is lie but no one ever stops him.

Stephanie is very skilled mechanic, sometimes when there’s down time she’s found repairing or working on of the bat bikes or the Batmobile.

Dick Grayson is color blind. It’s only when he comments on Stephanie’s brown sweater that Jason points out to him. Barbara and Bruce knew the whole time and just thought he was doing it to be funny, it comes as a shock to Dick though.

Duke and Cass go to the flee market every Sunday. The buy fresh produce and eggs for Alfred. Cass even thrifts a few clothing pieces.

Speaking of Clothes, no one has all their clothes anymore. Jason’s hoodies are always stole from the manor, his safehouses in the city and out of the country it doesn’t matter. They’ll usually end up in Cass, Tim or Steph’s closet. Dick’s T-shirts are public domain at this point because all his siblings have at least one of them. Barbara can never find her fuzzy socks until she visit the manor next and find them on Damian and Stephanie’s feet. Tim’s jewelry is always around Cass’ neck. Damian is the only safe because no one can fit his stuff but he does get Duke and Tim’s clothes they’ve outgrown.

Cass will sometimes spend time with Alfred in the cave repairing the suits. She’s very good at sewing.

Selina is lactose intolerant, Bruce finds this hilarious.

Duke took dance classes sense he was eight. He can dance the waltz, break dance, ballet, jig, salsa, and a few others.

Bruce allowed Tim create the design of the newest bat tech.

Alfred enjoys his tea with sugar and crème, Damian of course likes sugar and lemon. They have weekly tea parties in the sunroom with Alfred the cat and Titus.

Dick has the most mixed playlist of songs. So, whether he’s on a steal out with Bruce, driving Damian to soccer practice, or even just cleaning his apartment by himself he’s got something for everyone.

Barbara loves Amy Winehouse, she plays her record several times a day in the Clocktower.

While on the subject of music, Tim can sing and it was very embarrassing when his family found out. Tim was in his room singing with his headphones on but his door was open and he didn’t realize how loud he was. Dick and Steph came across him singing. Stephanie record it and sent it to the group. Tim was embraced by his family for his beautiful voice and they wanted to hear more, but poor Tim wanted the world to swallow him whole. Jason can play guitar and Dick can’t sing well but he can also play guitar in addition to the bass.

Damian is able to find his family with little tech involved. The OG Titans came back to the tower after helping Donna with a mission and Robin was perched in their living room. He gave Wally a heart attack. Tim was having a game night with Conner,Bart, and Cassie and the scream Bart unleashed when they found Damian in the kitchen starring at the pizza boxes on the counter and questioned Tim on lack of a proper diet.

Clark has nearly broken the sound barrier twice over not being able to hear Bruce’s heartbeat. Luckily both times Bruce had to slow his heart rate to be near death to escape sticky situations and both were ended due to a worried Krypton.

“I wanted Red Claw to think I was dead, I had to slow my heart rate to throw her off.”

“AND YOU DIDN’T THINK TO SAY THAT TO ME, I WAS IN AUSTRALIA?”

Speaking of the Man of Steel, when Dick was freshly Robin and before Clark married Lois, the Boy Wonder tried to set up his father and Clark on several blind dates. Once he canceled a date of Bruce’s and rescheduled a business dinner for Clark and the two ended up on a romantic balcony date in Metropolis. They were both shocked and a blushing mess. It got worse when the waiter address the “Happy Couple” has was instructed from the reservation that Dick set.

Robin got an ear full the next morning from Bruce but to Dick it was worth it and even Alfred may have pulled a string or two.

Another time Bruce couldn’t watch Dick and Alfred was visiting London for the next week and Bruce had to Wayne Enterprises Event. He asked Clark if he could watch Dick for the night and of course he offered.

Not even five minutes after he left did Dick turn to Clark,”So, your dating my Father?”

Clark was as red as his cape and he tried to explain to Dick they are just friends. “Whatever you say Clark, but just curious would you take his last name or will he take yours? Because honestly I don’t see why you can’t use both—“

Clark cover his face as the young bird continued to show his support for his favorite ship.

“Are you also gonna adopt me too now?”

“Okay, time to see what time your Father’s coming back.” He sighed.

[wowbright]

Chapter 17: Supportive

Figureskating!Blaine/designer!Kurt Olympics AU for december klaine fanworks challenge. Also on AO3.

Kurt arrived in Sochi in the middle of the night, exhausted from flight delays, air turbulence that shook him awake every time he’d just managed to fall asleep, and now the customs line from hell. At this rate, he'd be surprised if he got to the hotel before sunrise. The current hold-up was a media crew with cases and cases of equipment requiring a thorough poking and prodding by officials. Just Kurt’s luck, to end up behind these guys. People with that much luggage should have the courtesy to stand at the back of customs and let everyone else go through first. He scanned the luggage of the dozen or so parties between himself and the media crew and hoped against hope there was nothing interesting in their contents.

Kurt took a deep breath and reread the text from Blaine that had been awaiting him upon landing: Going to bed now so I guess I'll be asleep when you land. :( I miss you so much I’m stupid with it. xox

He smiled and texted back. Good morning, handsome. Landed safely. Can’t wait to see you. <3

Perhaps these kind of text messages weren't exactly what Sue had in mind when Kurt had promised not to be a distraction. But surely it would be even more distracting to Blaine if Kurt went cold. Not that Kurt could go cold if he wanted to.

“It’s a camera battery,” Kurt heard someone say in a familiar lilt. He looked to the front of the line.

Kurt cursed out loud. Fuck or shit or fuck me or fils de chien—he wasn't sure which one he'd said, only that a child who looked to be about eight years old (and was taking the whole standing-in-a-line-at-midnight thing with more aplomb than Kurt) stared at him with mouth and eyes wide open in shock.

“Sorry,” he mumbled. “Excuse-moi.” He turned away before the kid’s parent could stare at him too.

Nothing made sense. Kurt must be jetlagged and hallucinating. He'd heard of people having waking dreams when they were exhausted. Had reached that level of sleeplessness?

He shook his head and blinked. He looked front of the line again. Nope. It was real. Up at the head of the line, in one of his countless identical-except-in-color henleys and signature beanie, Adam Crawford was bickering with a customs agent.

This didn't make sense. It made absolutely no sense. Adam had moved back to England. Very dramatically, in fact, with a promise-threat that they would never see each other again as long as Adam had anything to do with it. Don't try to get in touch with me. I'm blocking you on social media. Don't ask my friends after me. I never want to see or hear from you again. Fuck, if I could keep you from seeing me on the telly, I would! Those had been, more or less, the last words Adam had spoken to Kurt. A slammed door had been involved, with a force strong enough to send the framed poster from Kurt’s production of Sweeney Todd careening to the floor.

So many fights. They had all started—or the last round of them had started—because Adam had been offered a job as a presenter for one of the big British TV shows (or maybe it was a small TV show on a big British network; Kurt never got clear on that amid all his willful avoidance of the topic). It wasn't a role on Downton Abbey, but Adam had resigned himself somewhere along the path of their acquaintance to the fact that he was better at lighthearted fare than drama, anyway. That’s why they wanted him as a presenter—because he was light and casual and funny in a non-challenging way and handsome without being threatening, which made him simultaneously someone to admire and someone viewers could imagine sharing a pint with at the pub. And being a presenter on one show could lead to being a presenter on another show, and, “Kurt, this is the break I've been waiting for. It’s not like my other television gigs, where I fly out for a few days or weeks and it’s over. It’s a steady paycheck. We’ll be filming most of the year. Come with me. The West End theaters will adore you, and the film industry is right next door—not 2,500 miles away like here. You could do it all!”

Adam had presented this like it was good news for both of them, with flowers and dinner and a three-star Michelin restaurant, the same as he’d done two years earlier when he’d announced he was ready to move in with Kurt—and Kurt had been so carried away by the gesture that he had somehow failed to notice the announcement sort of assumed that Kurt had been waiting for Adam to be ready, when in fact the idea of them moving in together wasn't even a topic that they had discussed before in any degree of seriousness. But it made financial sense, and it seemed like the next right step if Kurt was sincere about his high school bucket list item of Get married by age of 30, legally. Adam adored him, and Kurt loved being adored, and that had sustained their relationship longer than any of Kurt’s previous ones. It might not have been the all-encompassing romance Kurt had dreamed of as a lonely gay kid in Ohio. But at some point you had to learn the difference between fantasy and reality. Adam was real, and kind, and handsome, and hunky, and grounded and practical about things in a way Kurt just wasn’t. That pragmatism was a useful counterweight to Kurt’s doing things by impulse and gut feeling. It tethered Kurt to the ground.

Kurt knew Adam’s pragmatism was good for him. Even when it sent him into fits of panic, like the time—a year or so into living together—Adam had announced at another three-star restaurant that they should start planning for kids—“Not right away, our apartment’s too small for that, but maybe we could start looking at places in Connecticut, or a brownstone—and of course we’ll need to weigh adoption and surrogacy; I've never been clear on whether you have a strong preference”—and Kurt had run into the bathroom and lost all his exquisite dinner before splashing his face and telling himself he was being ridiculous. Hadn't Kurt always imagined kids as a possibility in his life? It was only logical of Adam to bring it up now. Taking care of infants was exhausting, if the co-workers who complained about it were telling the truth. Kurt shouldn't wait until some vague future a decade-plus from now when he’d have presbyopia and the sleep loss would be even more of a nightmare than it would be now.

That's what Kurt had told himself in the restaurant bathroom. Then, he’d gone back out and told Adam how forward-thinking it was of him to bring it up. But somehow over the following months, every time Adam suggested they go househunting or visit a surrogacy clinic or talk to an adoption lawyer, Kurt mentioned something else pressing that needed their attention or, if all else failed, distracted Adam with sex.

Now, in yet another three-star Michelin restaurant—this one specializing in molecular gastronomy and serving its exquisitely crafted works of art in tiny portions that left Kurt famished—he found himself unable to accede to Adam’s logic.

“I can't leave here,” Kurt had said.

“Of course you can, Kurt. You'll have no problem getting work on the West End. Actually, I already spoke to …”

Adam had connections. When those connections contacted Kurt, it was easier to send out his portfolio than not. He got lots of meetings out of it. A contract for a London production sat on his desk for weeks, even as Kurt made an impromptu weekend trip to Ohio for Father’s Day.

“You need to get that settled,” Adam scolded before Kurt left. “If there's a clause you don't like, get it fixed. But if you leave them dangling, you'll lose the job. I don't know why you're procrastinating.”

Kurt didn't know why he was procrastinating, either. Or rather, he did know, but not in any way he could explain to Adam. It was just that, every time Kurt thought about relocating to a place where everyone talked like Adam, his skin crawled. My skin is crawling, however, was not the kind of explanation Adam could understand. Adam understood things like pay rate and opportunity and weighing the pros and cons. He did not understand making life-altering decisions based on I just feel uneasy and I've developed a sudden revulsion for English accents.

In Ohio, talking with his father on a perfect June evening with, perhaps, one too many Yuenglings under his belt and the setting sun lighting up the backyard in vivid yellows and oranges and pinks as the first fireflies signaled from the grass, Kurt let it all out: how frustrated he was with himself, how terrible he was as a partner, how he knew he should be supportive and it was a great opportunity for them both, but still—he didn’t want to upend his whole life. Not for this.

“Not for what, Kurt?” his dad had asked.

“For any of it. It’s not worth it.”

“It’s not worth a future with Adam?”

The puzzle Kurt had been trying to solve for the last few years suddenly clicked into place. The reason he clammed up whenever Adam talked about the future, the reason he couldn't talk about kids or moving away from New York—it wasn't because Kurt was impetuous and impulsive and couldn’t deal with the choices one had to make as an adult.

It was because he didn't want to make those choices with Adam.

And it was bewildering. There was nothing wrong with Adam. He had come along at just the right time, right in Kurt’s mid-twenties as he was tiring of casual dating and fooling around. Adam wasn’t like the other guys. He believed in commitment. He’d swept Kurt off his feet, won Kurt over with flattery and genuine admiration, and Kurt had been so high from it all that he hadn't realized—he'd never fallen in love with Adam. He'd only fallen in love with security and the feeling of being loved.

Back in New York, Kurt looked up from the contract and said, with a decided calm and finality that surprised even him, “I've decided not to sign it because … I'm not going to England with you. I’m sorry, Adam. But I’ll never be what you want.”

It seemed gentler than saying I'll never feel what you want me to feel.

Adam hadn't left immediately. He tried to speak sense into Kurt. But Kurt held fast. Adam wasn’t used to that. I don't even know who you are, Kurt! he’d shout, and Kurt would just look at him sadly and say, I know.

Once or twice, after Adam left, Kurt had been tempted to google “Adam Crawford” in hopes of finding news of his success. Despite a resentment of Adam that had built throughout their breakup and sometimes flared up again out of nowhere, he wanted Adam to be happy. Kurt knew what it was like to have your heart broken, and he hated that he’d been the one to break Adam’s. But Kurt never followed through on the search. Adam wanted nothing to do with him.

Well, Kurt didn’t need to worry about googling or not googling now. Because here was Adam with a full media crew in the middle of a Russian airport. He must be doing okay in television, at least.

The line moved forward. Adam was out of sight now along with the rest of his crew, dissipating into the faceless masses on the other side of customs, becoming tiny contributions to the hundreds of thousands in Sochi. Kurt likely wouldn’t see him again. And if he did—well, certainly they’d be in a crowd. It would be easy to disappear.

“Thank goodness,” muttered Kurt, and the eight-year-old stared at him again. Huh. Maybe the kid didn’t understand a word Kurt said but just liked staring or, perhaps, was fascinated by Kurt’s stunning couture. Kurt smiled. The kid smiled back.

Kurt’s phone buzzed. It was Blaine. Good morning to you, too. I can’t wait to see you either.

Did I wake you up? I’m sorry.

No. Woke up because jet lag. Good dreams though.

Oh?

We were standing in the Garden of the Gods and I wanted to kiss you.

Heat rose to Kurt’s face. He forgot all about Adam. It wasn't possible to hold all those complicated memories in the same space as this bliss. Are you sure that was a dream? he texted back.

A memory, maybe. I always want to kiss you.

Kurt stared at his phone. Damn pragmatism. Damn Sue Sylvester. I always want to kiss you too.

[ivy-diaries]

⋆ REALLY LIKE YOU is the NINTH mini album by IVY. it was released on APRIL 4TH 2024. this mini album has nine tracks, a total of 29 minutes.

IVY performed the title track, "really like you" for five weeks. the title won ten music show wins. She performed the b-side "Bam Yang Gang" for another five weeks because of how viral it went. The b-side won six music show wins.

‎ ⁎ ‎ ‎ 𓍼 ‎ ‎ ๋ ‎ ◜ &.&. TRACKLIST !!!◞ ‎ ... ‎ ‎

˒ Really like you

˒ Bam Yang Gang

˒ Rest

˒ Popo (how deep is our love?)

˒ Pillow

˒ Dream feat. baekhyun

˒ Melody

˒ Warmth of Love

˒ Epilogue

‎ ⁎ ‎ ‎ 𓍼 ‎ ‎ ๋ ‎ ◜ &.&. STYLING !!!◞ ‎ ... ‎ ‎

‎ ⁎ ‎ ‎ 𓍼 ‎ ‎ ๋ ‎ ◜ &.&. ALBUM CONTENTS !!!◞ ‎ ... ‎ ‎

photobook ( 120 pages ) ⋆ four random photocards out of twenty eight ⋆ three random mini poster out of nine ⋆ one lyric book ⋆ one mini keychain ( ᝰ ) ⋆ two sticker sheets ⋆ two poster out of five

‎ ⁎ ‎ ‎ 𓍼 ‎ ‎ ๋ ‎ ◜ &.&. HIGHLIGHTS !!!◞ ‎ ... ‎ ‎

when it was announced that ivy was coming back, the fans were really excited because it was the same time as most of her close friends including txt!

this was ivy's first comeback after her wedding in November. the fans who were present for the music show recordings, were in awe when she showed them her ring! the moment was also captured in the inkigayo behind the scenes fotage

the first music show interaction was with indeed her hubby and fans were so glad that fans caught the interaction just because how cute it was. the couple was seen talking about how they didn't have any milk in their house! the fans burst out laughing and it is only then that the couple realized that they had their mic on

this era, in fans opinion, brought in the most interactions with other idols or her friends with ivy. ivy did her challenge for this comeback with almost every single one of the idols that were promoting during the same time as her or if they weren't? she went to her house to do it. soleils swore that they stan a mad women and that they're proud of it!

when soleils asked her about that tour she promised them, she laughed and asked them to wait a little longer and that it's in the works!

ivy was still promoting when ttpd was released and txt who was in the dance studio with ivy when the album dropped, say that they've never heard anybody scream that loud. the moment was caught on a txt vlog and fans can see that beomgyu drops the sandwich he was eating, soobin fliches and kai screams and yeonjun looks surprised and alarmed for a second but looks like it's just another day for him. taehyun, who was not in the room, came bolting in hearing the scream. ivy just laughed at the others reactions when all of them were just playfully scolding her.

for a performance, baekhyun surprised even ivy with a surprise appearance at music bank to perform dream with her. fans were so excited to get an interaction between them and their ears were blessed with the beautiful vocals of the two vocal gods of kpop.

ivys last performance was a chaotic to see the very least. she performed with her crew, aka her managers, stylists etc. and they just ended up laughing looking at eachother almost every 5 minutes and netizens, even korean netizens who are known to be really brutal, even found it really funny.

‎ ⁎ ‎ ‎ 𓍼 ‎ ‎ ๋ ‎ ◜ &.&. PHOTOCARDS !!!◞ ‎ ... ‎ ‎

‎ ⁎ ‎ ‎ 𓍼 ‎ ‎ ๋ ‎ ◜ &.&. TAGLIST !!!◞ ‎ ... ‎ ‎

@stealanity @alixnsuperstxr @riikiblr @escapetheash (lmk if you wanna be added)

[atths--twice]

Adding to the Fund

Working in a restaurant can be stressful and tiring, but it can also lead to a relationship that was not expected.

Fictober Day 14

Prompt- That's all? Easy.

Sunrise and Sunset, the restaurant on Baker Street was packed. Sundays were always busy, and sometimes stressful, but thankfully the patrons tipped better on those days. 

Well, some of them, Dana Scully thought, rolling her eyes as she picked up the tip from table nineteen. 

It had been a group of older women who had complained about nearly everything: the amount of ice in their glasses of water, the lack of a butter substitute, the temperature of the coffee, and their meals- all for different reasons. 

“Young lady,” one of the women had said, crooking her finger at Dana to come closer. “This bread is far too toasted. I can’t eat this. Take it back and bring me a new sandwich.” 

She had taken the sandwich to the back, swearing as she replaced only the top slice of toasted bread. Waiting a minute to calm down, she had smiled as she brought it back to the woman. 

“Hope this is okay,” she had said and the woman only hummed in reply, her eyebrows raised. 

But she ate everything on the plate, didn’t she? Dana thought, shaking her head. 

Bringing the dishes to the back, she sighed as she added the receipt to the paperwork for the day. 

“Any tip from that party?” a voice asked and she turned to look at Fox Mulder, a fellow worker, his arms laden with plates. 

“Yeah. Two whole dollars. On a sixty eight dollar tab, I might add. Oh, and they also left me a note.” 

“To join them at their church?” he asked, shuddering as he set the plates down. 

“Not this time, no,” she laughed, knowing how often it did happen on a Sunday. “Here.” She handed him the note and he read it out loud. 

“My grandson works in a law firm. He’s very busy and finds looking for a girlfriend to be tedious. I’m sure he would enjoy your company, once he got to know you. 574-1296.” He looked at her, his eyes wide. “Oh, well this one deserves to go up on the board.” 

“No, Fox,” she said, trying to take it from him. 

“Why not?” he asked, holding it out of her reach. “You're not going to call him are you?” His mouth dropped open in mock horror and she shook her head. 

“Not for many reasons, but especially because with that many red flags, you know he’s a douchebag of a person.” 

“Then why? You have others up there. And so do I.” He pointed to the bulletin board on the wall where notes from patrons were kept, especially when they were particularly cringy or funny. “I think this one could make it to the top.” 

“No,” she said, stepping closer to him to take the note out of his hand. “This one just… it makes me feel… I don’t like it. I don’t like thinking that they could treat me shitty the entire time they were here and then suggest I call their grandson, who finds dating tedious. Like I deserve less than from a man who is apparently better than me. It’s gross.” 

“It is. I’m sorry I joked about it,” he said and she nodded as she tore up the obnoxious note and threw it away. 

“There. Gone. Reset,” she said, letting out a deep breath. “Their two dollars will gladly join the Dana Scully eats tonight fund.” He smiled and she smiled back. 

“Fox! Tables twelve and fifteen, orders up. Look alive,” Raul, the head cook called out. 

“Coming,” Fox called back and Dana walked with him. He gave her a confused look and she smiled. 

“I’m heading back out. I’ll help you then see to my tables.” 

“Thanks. I appreciate it,” he said, picking up the plates and lining them up his arm. “I’ve got fifteen. You’ll like twelve better.” 

“Okay,” she laughed, setting the plates along her arm as well and carrying the last plate in her hand. 

At the door, he nodded for her to go first and she smiled her thanks. 

When she was walking to table twelve, she saw why he had given it to her. There was a chubby, bald headed baby sitting in a high chair biting on a plastic toy and a little boy who was drawing on the back of the kids menu. 

“Hello, I’m Dana,” she said as she stood at the table. “Fox was busy so I offered to help him out. Who had the ham and cheese omelet?” 

“Right here,” the husband said, reaching for the plate. “My wife has the French toast and Davy here has the pancakes and bacon.” 

“Perfect. Here you all go,” she said, setting their plates down. She smiled at the boy who looked up at her and kept staring, his green eyes wide. 

“You look like Ariel,” he said in awe. 

“Oh!” she said in surprise. 

“I’m so sorry,” his dad said quickly. “Davy, you don’t just-”

“That’s okay,” Dana said, smiling at Davy. 

“But Ariel’s hair is down, not up,” Davy said. “But it’s red like yours. Do you have blue eyes?” 

“Davy!” his mom admonished him, but Dana only laughed. She squatted down beside him, smiling as she looked at him. 

“Well?” she asked and he leaned forward, looking into her eyes and smiling. 

“You do,” he whispered. “Are you a mermaid?” 

“Not at the moment, because I’m in a restaurant,” she whispered back. “But when I get into the water…” Her eyes widened and then she winked. 

“Like magic?” 

“Like magic,” she nodded and Davy’s smile grew. “But you can’t tell anyone except your mom and dad, promise?” 

“Promise,” he said, nodding emphatically. 

“Will you do the special mermaid handshake to bind the promise and keep my secret safe?” 

“Yes! Yes, I will!” He clapped excitedly and Dana smiled. 

“Okay. So, we do it like this.” 

She took his hand and shook it, then locked their fingers together, thumbs pointing up, then released his hand, waving her fingers up and down like a mermaid tail swimming away. 

“Show me again,” he whispered and she smiled, taking his small hand into hers again, perfecting the handshake before leaving their table to check on her own section. 

Back in the kitchen with her next set of orders, she smiled at Fox who nodded with a wink. 

At her break, she stepped outside behind the restaurant, needing a moment of fresh air. Standing in the sunshine, her head tilted back and her eyes closed, she heard the door open and close. 

“Hey.” 

“Hey yourself,” she said and Fox chuckled as he came to stand beside her. She opened her eyes and he smiled at her. “Thank you for giving me that table earlier. It’s just what I needed after-”

“Two bucks, Betty?” 

“Exactly,” she said with a laugh. 

“Good. I’m glad it helped.” 

“The little boy thought I looked like Ariel.” 

“Hmm,” Fox hummed, staring into her eyes. “He’s not wrong. But you’re much prettier.” 

“Because I’m not an animated drawing?” she teased and he laughed, his fingers brushing against hers before locking together loosely, causing her heart rate to increase. 

“That and you just are.” 

“Okay.”

“I really wanna kiss you,” he whispered, his grip on her fingers tightening slightly. 

“After you didn’t last night, which was a huge mistake by the way-” 

“I agree completely,” he said, nodding his head vigorously. “I… I hesitated too long.” 

“You did,” she agreed. 

“I was nervous. I thought maybe it was just me who was feeling…” He stopped talking when she smiled and shook her head. She squeezed his fingers, interlocking their hands further. 

“It’s not just you,” she admitted and he exhaled as he nodded. “I thought being in a group setting like we were, would help me loosen up enough to at least ask you to dance.”

“Which it did.” 

“Well, the alcohol definitely helped with that,” she said with a laugh. 

“That’s all it takes?” he teased. 

“Easy,” she warned and he laughed, both of them then falling silent. 

“I thought you said you wanted to kiss me,” she said quietly and he drew in a deep breath. 

“I do. Very much.” 

“Well, my break will be over soon and so will yours. You might-”

His lips touched hers softly, then more firmly as their kiss deepened. He let go of her hand and placed it onto the back of her neck, holding her close. She moaned as she wound her arms around his neck, her heart pounding. 

“Hmm,” she hummed when they broke from the kiss, his forehead pressed gently against hers. “That was good.” 

“It was,” he said with a quiet chuckle and she smiled. 

They sat down at the picnic table bench provided for employees to use during their breaks, talking and kissing until their break was over. 

Taking her hand, he pulled her to her feet, kissed her one more time, and walked to the door. 

“Oh,” he said, reaching into his pocket. “The family with the little boy asked me to give this to you.” He handed her the kids menu that had been folded into a small square. “I’m sure this one will be better than the one you got earlier.” 

She smiled as she opened it and then gasped when she found ten dollars inside. 

“Oh,” he said in delighted surprise as she began to read the note that was written in blue crayon. 

“Thank you for showing me the special mermaid handshake. I won’t tell anyone your secret. I hope I can see you again some time. Love, Davy. P.S. I’m four and a half. Oh, isn’t that just…?” She sniffled, blinking back tears as she read it to herself again. 

“A much better note,” he said and she laughed softly, tracing her fingers over the drawing of a mermaid that Davy had made. She had big blue eyes and red hair drawn in a similar style to Dana’s. 

“An incredibly kind note,” she replied, folding it back up, with the money inside, and placing it into her pocket. 

“And the money adds to the Dana Scully eats tonight fund,” he said and she shook her head. 

“No, this money will go into a different fund.” 

“Which fund is that?” he asked as they walked inside and put on their aprons. 

“The… Dating Fox Mulder fund?” she asked tentatively and he paused as he was tying the strings of the apron behind his back. Grinning, he nodded as he finished the task. 

“Only if it can be combined with the one I already have.” 

“Which is that?” she asked, tying her own strings. 

“The Just ask her out already fund,” he said with a grin. 

She laughed loudly, covering her mouth and looking around, but no one had noticed. 

“Yes,” she agreed, stepping close and squeezing his hand. “We can combine them.” 

“Good,” he said, squeezing back. “And it will be my treat tonight because I’ve got quite a bit in there. It pays to be somewhat of a nervous coward.” 

She laughed and shook her head, walking beside him to the kitchen, as his hand rubbed gently at the small of her back. 

[littleeyesofpallas]

It is very funny to me that there is just a thing with cold northern region cultures, developed in parallel isolation on opposite ends of the world, where in the coldest stretch of winter, when you're stuck inside with your kids because half the day the cold could kill you, you tell your noisy kids to shut up and behave or a monster will get them. Because you can't just threaten them yourself --you still need to love and take care of them and have them listen to you the rest of the year-- so you make up a thing that'll come get them. Not just every kid, but the badly behaved ones; and being badly behaved usually consists of being loud and stealing food. (it's why the yule lads are assigned the behaviors they are, all things kids ought to be punished for when you're trying to wait out the winter) It's all just got a satisfying uniform utilitarian quality to it. We all saw the same problem and came up with the same solution: threaten your children.

I do find it funny that while older pre-christian spanning folk lores tend to lean into monsters, the French just have a normal man. Like, sure he's a cannibal, but he's not like a troll or a giant or an ogre, he's just some guy who was probably real and killed some kids once that just got folded into the local folk lore.

And then there's the zwarte piet... Let's not forget that the dutch and the british, and subsequently the united states, were particularly slow to abolish the slave trade relative to the rest of europe. So the fact that dutch christmas lore retains santa's slaves and has long involved a bunch of dutch people donning black face to fulfill santa's counterpoint role of "guy(s) who put bad kids in a sack and hit them with sticks" is perhaps only offset by them being the only iterations of that archetype who don't threaten to outright cook and eat the kids.... it's not much of a consolation, I know...

They are also ostensibly where the elves of christmas americana came from... Despite the apparent pull from germanic lore, they are specifically an american invention, and one very noticeably first appear in the years either just before or just after(depending on the source) the passing of the 13th amendment.

They did give us David Sedaris's "Six-to-Eight Black Men" annecdote, so I guess there's that.

And also the slightly less prominent but equally specific tradition where, in order to plan ahead for those coldest days when it'll be hardest to go out and gather food, you tame a wild animal that you can later slaughter, but you show great reverence to it because you naturally develop a kind of parasocial/object attachment dynamic with them. (In the case of the tio de nadal the now traditional log is clearly an effigy of what must have at some point been a live sacrifice, as that's the obvious origin of the ritual of responsibly feeding it until christmas/the solstice, then beating it dead, and retrieving gifts from its body.)

There's no point to these observations, i just think they're neat. "I'd have two[several] nickles..." and all that

[eternalchiyo]

Waiting for Christmas

Part 1 || Part 2 || Part 3 || Part 4 || Part 5

The house has been buzzing with excitement since morning, which was admittedly quite uncommon — usually the residents kept to themselves, neither of them too keen on socializing with their relatives.

Chiyo was sitting on one of the couches in the living room, watching the triplets play some sort of game on one of their little, funny consoles. Yui had been whisked away by Reiji, as they prepared dinner; Chiyo had never seen so many familiars run around in their human form. Generally speaking, it was weird that there was no formal invitation to Eden or anything, although most of the people present were probably happy about that fact. She didn’t intend to jinx an unwelcome family reunion either.

According to tradition, or at least that book of Christmas customs Chiyo had found by chance in her father’s old books, the day before Christmas was supposed to be spent having a huge dinner, with at least 12 different dishes. You were also supposed to break bread and wish each other nice things like being healthy or great luck. Well, needless to say this family would gladly skip this part. No matter how intrigued Reiji was by this old book of traditions, there was a limit to things.

While she sat there, Chiyo thought about when the best time would be to give Shuu his present. Should she wait until the next day, like they did in movies? But she was already so impatient, she felt if she had to wait another day she would just explode!

“Ha! Once again, Yours Truly is number one!” She heard Ayato proclaim loudly.

“Eeeh! Maybe I should choose that funny looking purple guy next…” Laito whined.

“There’s no way! You kept on butting against me!” Kanato cried, angry tears forming in his eyes. “I demand a rematch this instant!”

“Forget it! Anything goes in racing games; I won because I’m the best!”

As the three of them bickered while sitting on the floor, Chiyo zoned out for a while until she felt something heavy wrap itself around her shoulders. It was a blanket and attached to it was Shuu. He had gone upstairs to get one after she said she was getting a little cold; it was a sweet gesture.

“You guys are so loud, what a pain…” he complained then yawned, and Chiyo thought for a minute that he would just fall asleep leaning over the backrest of the couch, arms wrapped around her neck.

“Hey, Shuu! If you wanna complain at least be man enough to challenge me in a race!” Ayato waved towards him with his console.

Chiyo felt Shuu’s head move, his curly hair brushing against her cheek. “Nah…”

Just as Ayato was about to retort something, Reiji entered the room.

“And what is this commotion about? Where is Subaru? I asked him to help with the garlands…”

Chiyo looked around the room, she hadn’t seen Subaru all morning. That in itself was not very surprising, he was a bit of a loner, after all.

“Your brother is being a pain in the ass…” Shuu muttered and leaned further into Chiyo’s neck.

“Scared to lose?” Ayato taunted him and crossed his arms in front of himself, eyebrows raised. She could feel Shuu’s eyebrow twitch before he detangled himself from her.

“Give that here.”

The event started to get out of hand, and somehow all eight of them ended up sat in front of a TV as the brothers started to race against each other. Shuu joining prompted Reiji to join as well.

“Aah! Fucking hell! That was pure luck!” Ayato shouted at Shuu after the first round.

Then the controller suddenly landed in Chiyo’s hands, and she looked up at Shuu in confusion.

“I’m done, here, take over for me,” he said and yawned.

“But I don’t—”

He planted a kiss onto her neck, making her shiver. “You’ll get a reward if you win…”

“Oh, for fucks sake, get a room!” Subaru shouted, “I can’t believe I have to watch this…”

“You could also watch the game like a normal person,” Laito snickered which only made Subaru throw a massive pillow in his face.

To the surprise of nobody, Chiyo, in fact, did not win. She’d grown increasingly impatient and even loudly complained as Ayato won the race before Reiji made them all stop and continue helping with preparations. The dinner itself was almost pleasant as well. It seemed that most of the family was enjoying this piece of tradition, even though Ayato kept bugging everyone to speed up eating so they could cut to unwrapping the gifts.

At some point, Shuu and Chiyo quietly made their escape to the balcony. The air was chilly, and the girl rubbed her hands together and blew hot air on them as they stepped out into the cold night air. The sky was already dark, a few stars silently glowing in the night.

“Finally some peace…” Shuu said and wrapped his arms around her, his chin resting on top of her head.

“You didn’t like it?” She turned around, looking up at him. Truth be told, Chiyo had enjoyed the dinner. It was lively and felt warm, even though for the rest of the year nobody really behaved like a picture book family. She even had to admit she had enjoyed the little racing game as well. She’d never say it out loud, but Shuu’s brothers and Yui had grown on her.

Shuu hummed, as if thinking of an answer, then his lips grazed the shell of her ear. “I prefer less people, but…”

Chiyo turned around completely, craning her neck to see his expression more clearly.

“If you’re here and it makes you happy… then I don’t mind.”

She smiled back at him, and he nuzzled his nose against hers.

“I have a present for you,” she whispered and led him back inside. They settled on one of the velvet couches in one of the empty rooms, presents ready.

“You first,” she said and held out the neatly wrapped present. Shuu looked at her with a knowing smirk and took it from her. He tugged on the yellow ribbon, revealing the contents.

“I see why you were so adamant about me not pre-ordering that collector’s edition myself,” he mused.

“Since I didn’t have a present last year… I wanted to get something for you that you would really like…”

Shuu pressed a kiss to her temple in response. “I do really like it, thank you.”

Then he reached over and placed his gift into her hands. “Your turn.”

Smiling, Chiyo unwrapped the box, that revealed multiple clear phials — perfumes. She gasped and looked up at him, these must have been really expensive!

“I didn’t want to get you a single big one and risk you not liking the scent… the employee recommended a set like this,” he said and Chiyo could swear that for a moment his cheeks tinted a slight pink. Looking down on the pretty little perfumes, Chiyo couldn’t help but smile quietly. It was the perfect gift for her, now that she had stopped using the demon fragrance.

“Thank you…” she whispered.

Shuu smiled softly at her before taking the box and gently placing it on a coffee table. His arms encircled her middle once again and he pulled her onto his lap.

“While I liked this years present a lot…” he murmured as he planted gentle kisses onto her neck. “I think I want the one from last year as well…”

Maybe giving yourself was the best gift after all.

Merry Christmas, Everyone! I hope your holidays are better than mine. Despite all the stress, I really wanted to finish this little project. Hopefully you enjoyed my writing even if it was more in drabble form than anything fleshed out~

[skullsterritory]

Hi guys. My splatoon agent headcanons if you even care ALL OF THEM ARE AROACE FOREVER

Captain / Agent 3 - they/he/she aroace genderfluid, 19yo

5'10" Inkling

He's not mute she just. Prefers to not speak because their voice is very quiet and they don't like raising it so they prefer to use sign language

They like to keep to themself and she avoids talking to others unless he Has To. He is awkward as all hell and she dreads the idea of Interacting With Other Beings oooohhh the googlies

SHE'S TRYINF HER BEST. AS CAPTAIN. He has never done this in their life they're NEW TO THIS guys

THE AUTISM BLASTER + depression

Still feels guilty as hell about the fact they almost beat Eight to death and they apologize for it as much as he possibly can

Caffeine drinker 4000

People look at her and go like "Girl what happened to your face" and he shoots them a death glare and they shut up

Introverted

Agent 4 - they/she aroace demigirl, 16yo

Shortest of the agents. Like 4'11". Pipsqueak Inkling

Im going to be honest she doesn't know what she's doing but they try their best so it's ok we forgive them

AUDHD 🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥

They have a loud voice and people have to tell them to be quiet and it makes her sad

Her favorite activity is frolicking /j unless

They tried to smuggle an Octarian (specificslly an Octoball, which they heard about from Captain then promptly ran off to find) to keep as a pet and moped for like weeks when they were told that they can't do that and it isn't legal

She really really likes talking to people and goes on for hours about the randomest shit ever and people love her for thst

SLEEPS LIKE A DEAD PERSON like. In the family guy death pose too. It's ok guys they're alive

Has vocal stims like "YOU USED TO CALL ME ON YOUR CELLPHONE 🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥" and "I'm 1! Boioioing" (I am projecting)

Full of childish whimsy and wonder

She's surprisingly tough for someone so small

Extroverted

Agent 8 - they/them aroace nonbinary, 16yo

5'7" Octoling

Selective mutism. Sometimes they talk sometimes they're like ☝️☝️☝️☝️👂👂

Inklings SCARE THEM. The googlies. They arent scared scared but very intimidated

OTH #2 fan only second to Agent 4 who is the world's biggest fangirl

AUTISM ✌️✌️✌️😇😅😀😃😆😀😅😀🤣🤣🤣🫠 And anxiety and ptsd too I think

Shy as all hell I think they'd rather get crucified than make a phone call (4 usually helps them with that since theyre like. Roommates or something isnt that canon I forget)

They really like gardening even though theyre kind of bad at it there's just like a bunch of dead plants all over their house (they don't know they're dead)

SCARY GOOD AT FUCKINH. SQUID CANDY CRUSH AND SQUID BEATZ

They can't play piano. At all. Theyve tried so many times they can't do it

After the events of Side Order they have gained a strong dislike of gelatin

They keep insisting it's fine and they're not mad at Captain but he does NOT listen and keeps apologizing

Introvert

Neo Agent 3 - they/it agender aroace, 14yo

5'4" Octoling

THE SCURRIER

AuDHD 🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥

Completely mute. Doesn't really know sign language either and doesn't show any interest in wanting to learn because apparently everyone understands them just fine

It zones out really often and kind of just. 😐😐😐😐

It is SCARILY flexible. Them after contorting their body in ways not even squid jesus could imagine (it thinks it's funny)

Smuggled a Smallfry out of Salmon Run and is banned from Salmon Run (Also for beating the shit out of Mr. Grizz and squidbagging him after)

They draw pictures of their friends a lot and everyone's (especially Captain's) walls are covered in little doodles of them

It looks up to Captain a lot. They think 4 is nice and they think 8 is just. Really badass they also want to save the world not once but twice

It squidbags people it doesn't like COUGH MR GRIZZ COUGH

Introvert (as far as everyone is aware)

The end 😝😝

[autie-hobbit]

Some TUA Fic Recs!

These are some of my absolute favourite “Umbrella Academy” fanfics! All of these fics are finished, except for one. Please note that most of the tags I am including are not all of the tags on the fic, they are mostly the general ones and warning ones. Also, all of the word counts have been rounded. (all fics are on ao3)

“Against the Waves” by noodlerdoodler | Rated T | 3,200 Words | Main Relationship: Diego Hargreeves & Klaus Hargreeves | Important Tags: Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Pre-Canon, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Fluff, Nightmares | Synopsis: 

“Charming. Isn’t my company entertaining enough for you?” Dramatically, Klaus threw up a hand against his forehead and collapsed onto his bed as if he were wounded.

“Don’t be an ass,” His brother rolled his eyes but there was a fond expression on his face, “You know that some of us aren’t actually nocturnal?”

Klaus stuck his tongue out, “What are you doing up then?”

Instantly, his brother’s defences snapped back up and he scowled, “I t-t-t-tol-tol-told y-y-you th-“

Whatever his excuses were, Klaus couldn’t be bothered to hear them. As lowly as the others thought of him, he was actually pretty intuitive and it was obvious the real reason Diego was out of bed was because something was bothering him. He wasn’t one to just wander around after hours for no reason- that was more Klaus’s gig. Whatever it was had really gotten under his skin. Unfortunately, his brother was too emotionally constipated to say what was on his mind. 

| Comments: Very sweet. |

https://archiveofourown.org/works/26519572

“Business Man'' by Cate_Olivyn | Rated T | 6,800 Words | Main Relationship: Five Hargreeves & Klaus Hargreeves | Important Tags: Major Character Death, Angst, Grief/Mourning, Intoxication, Ghosts, Temporary Character Death | Synopsis: 

“Terminate David and Klaus Katz.”

Five ignored the pang of guilt that accompanied the name, because it was only a stranger with his brother’s name. He ignored the ugly feeling in his chest when he saw his mark, and he looked so much like the man he left to rot in the apocalypse.

But he can’t ignore the pain in his brother’s eyes when he talks about a love lost, and a life in another time. 

| Comments: Pain. |

https://archiveofourown.org/works/40455777

“Firestarter” by Melivian | Rated T | 8,900 Words | Main Relationship: Ben Hargreeves & Klaus Hargreeves | Important Tags: Minor Violence, Drug Addiction, Past Character Death, Deteriorating Relationships | Synopsis: 

"It's funny," Klaus said. "You start out with something so great. And you think it'll stay great forever, so you'll do anything to hang onto it, you know? But then one day you realize it's turned into something else when you weren't looking. And you don't know whose fault it is, or how to make it right again. All you know is that you're holding the same pieces, but suddenly they don't fit together anymore."

Ben said nothing.

"What happened to us, Ben?"

~~~

Ben, Klaus, and two very different Halloweens eight years apart. 

| Comments: Heartbreaking, but good. A character study of Klaus and Ben's relationship. |

https://archiveofourown.org/works/34527199

“I can die when I’m done” by Kaufmann | Rated T | 3,300 Words | Main Relationship: Ben Hargreeves & Klaus Hargreeves | Important Tags: Hurt No Comfort, Angst, Missing Scene, Panic Attacks, Flashbacks | Synopsis: 

Klaus breathed quickly through his nose, panting and panicking. At his side, Ben was muttering assurances of comfort, telling him to calm down. But Klaus couldn't calm down, because the closet was too small and dark and reminded him of the mausoleum and he would be locked in there, alone with ghosts and...

Klaus writhed violently, shouting as loud as he could with the tape in his mouth, looking at Blue and Pink in panic and fear. [...] Klaus shouted once again, choking on his breath and the tears that threatened to suffocate him, a chorus of no, no, no, no in his mind.

Or

In the show, after Klaus reveals the little information he knew to Hazel and Cha-Cha, we have a time jump and in the next scene, he's locked in a small closet in the motel room.

But what happened after he revealed the information? How did he end up in the closet? How did he handle the long hours locked up until Hazel and Cha-Cha came back late at night? How did he handle the guilt of telling about Five? How did he handle flashbacks and panic attacks? 

| Comments: More pain. |

https://archiveofourown.org/works/32148223

“Relics in Amber'' by bacondoughnut | Rated T | 8,400 Words | Main Relationship: Dave Katz/Klaus Hargreeves | Important Tags: Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-Con, Past Rape/Non-Con, Hurt/Comfort, Klaus and Dave in Vietnam, Drug Use, Alcoholism, Angst, Fluff, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse | Synopsis:

 "Klaus," Dave tries tentatively.                                     

He almost asks if Klaus is okay, but the answer's already clear enough, and that question dies on his tongue. He can't immediately think of anything else to say though, and the silence makes Klaus's quiet whimpering all but deafening.                                         

And Dave doesn't know how to handle this.                               

Or; the one where Klaus has a very bad night, and Dave is there to help. 

| Comments: One of the first Klaus/Dave fics I read. Quite sad, but very soft. I’ve read this fic multiple times, it just hits all the spots. (this fic is locked, so you can only read it if you’re logged in)|

https://archiveofourown.org/works/40237791

“Single Red Thread” by riverwrenwrites | Rated T | 38,000 Words | Main Relationship: Dave Katz/Klaus Hargreeves | Important Tags: Vampire AU, Soulmates, Reincarnation, Canon-Typical Violence, Mild Gore, Implied/Referenced Abuse, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, Hurt/Comfort | Synopsis: 

In 1716, Klaus has lost the love of his life in a horrible tragedy and found himself cursed with immortality. 

In 2019, Dave and his hunting partner Elliot are investigating a number of disappearances, and when they find themselves face to face with the vampire they think is behind it, Dave can't shake the feeling that he's met this man before... 

| Comments: I don’t usually read AUs, and especially not AUs like this, but I like this writer and I was going through all of their TUA stuff. Very cute. |

https://archiveofourown.org/works/28650759

“Sneaking Out for Snowmen” by MalecAcid | Rated G | 800 Words | Main Relationship: Ben Hargreeves & Diego Hargreeves & Klaus Hargreeves | Important Tags: Fluff, Pre-Canon | Synopsis: 

"We should build a snowman." Diego said, excitedly clapping his cold hands together.

OR

Nothing but fluff ensues when Diego, Klaus, and Ben sneak out to build a snowman. 

| Comments: Cute. |

https://archiveofourown.org/works/28308621

“Someday (c’est la vie, c’est la vie)” by JaggedEmeraldsOfGold | Rated G | 5,200 Words | Main Relationship: Ben Hargreeves & Diego Hargreeves & Klaus Hargreeves | Important Tags: Pre-Canon, Fluff, No Incest | Synopsis: 

“Because I don’t go memorizing locations of old board games, especially when they’re in a dumpster,” Ben says, and Klaus doesn’t deign that with a response, instead climbing the precariously balanced trash bag pile, one hand reaching for the top edge of the dumpster while the other clutches the thin cardboard box to his chest. He drops himself over the edge, and lets himself fall on his ass onto the cement, hoping there isn’t something he wouldn’t voluntarily sit in waiting for him. There isn’t, he finds, and he climbs to his feet as Ben appears next to him, all collected and unbothered and otherwise immaculate.

“Come come!” Klaus tells him, and starts down the alley, away from the dumpster, staggering a few steps until he regains his footing. “Diego will love this, we’ll have a bunch of fun, and he’ll thank me for the relaxing break from work.”

“He isn’t— he won’t,” Ben calls after him, but Klaus feels him follow him out of the alley and back to the McDonald’s anyways.

Or: 21 year old Klaus and Diego (and Ben) chilling in a car, and then a McDonald's. 

| Comments: Also cute. I’m a sucker for these three. |

https://archiveofourown.org/works/32896588

“Something Blue” by lemur_catta | Rated T | 2,200 Words | Main Relationship: Diego Hargreeves & Klaus Hargreeves | Important Tags: Angst, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, Childhood Trauma | Synopsis: 

Diego angsts his way through Allison's wedding to Patrick, unable to curb his growing disconnection from Klaus. (Takes place pre-season 1, 2013-ish.) 

| Comments: Sad. |

https://archiveofourown.org/works/41289621

“Ten Months” by Majure | Rated M | 150,000 Words | Main Relationship: Dave Katz/Klaus Hargreeves | Important Tags: Graphic Depictions of Violence, Minor Character Death, Klaus and Dave during Vietnam, Period-Typical Homophobia, Drug Use, Alcoholism, Mutual Pining, Bed Sharing, Hurt/Comfort, Non-Explicit Sex, Ghosts | Synopsis: 

It makes him sad, sometimes, that in order to find acceptance, Klaus has to travel back fifty years into one of the bloodiest wars of American history. Most of the time, he doesn't care. His family probably doesn't even notice he's missing anyway.

---

Dave is looking at him, eyes soft and heavy lidded. “What did you say to that guy?” he asks, head resting on the wall, body turned towards Klaus.

“Ah,” Klaus laughs, dropping his hand to take a drink. “Just mouthed off. You know how I am.”

“That mouth will get you in trouble some day,” Dave says softly.

Klaus looks up, swallowing. “Some people like my mouth,” he says.

“I do.” 

| Comments: This fic is not finished, and has not been updated in 2 years, but it is well worth it, I promise! I read it twice in two months, and it gave me all the emotions. I had to stop at one point because I started crying (I don’t cry while reading fics very often). Very good fic. |

https://archiveofourown.org/works/18214736

“The Wedding That Never Was” by Cate_Olivyn | Rated T | 2,500 Words | Main Relationship: Allison Hargreeves & Klaus Hargreeves | Important Tags: Grief/Mourning, Intoxication, Missing Scene | Synopsis: 

Allison leaves the wedding after her argument with Viktor with a plan: take a bottle of booze and lock herself in her room where no one can bother her. This plan takes an unexpected turn when she finds Klaus half conscious in the upstairs hallway. 

| Comments: A little cathartic to be honest. |

https://archiveofourown.org/works/40268313

“The Zoo Is Better When It’s Not Dead” by sharkneto | Rated G | 11,000 Words | Main Relationship: Five Hargreeves & Klaus Hargreeves | Important Tags: Sibling Bonding | Synopsis: 

Klaus needs a distraction from missing Ben. Five needs a distraction from... well, everything. Somehow, that means a day at the zoo. 

| Comments: Actually acknowledges Five’s trauma, wow, a miracle. Very sweet, though a little disturbing at points. |

https://archiveofourown.org/works/32488858

“Things That We Got Wrong” by evesbeve | Rated T | 22,000 Words | Main Relationship: Ben Hargreeves & Klaus Hargreeves | Important Tags: Major Character Death, Graphic Depictions of Violence, Pre-Canon, Drug Use, Overdose, No Incest, Hurt/Comfort, Angst | Synopsis: 

Ben suposes death isn't the weirdest thing that has happened to him. Becoming best friends with Klaus though? That he never would have guessed. 

| Comments: *cries* I love them, your honour! |

https://archiveofourown.org/works/19794943

“Trouble Child” by ToriAnne | Rated M | 65,000 Words | Main Relationship: Klaus Hargreeves & Everyone | Important Tags: Temporary Character Death, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Post-Canon, Post-Season 3, Body Horror | Synopsis: 

The tentative peace between the Hargreeves siblings and their father is disrupted when Klaus returns from an unexpected trip to the afterlife with his powers restored. In the ensuing struggle, Klaus could be Five's greatest advantage, which turns him into Reginald's number one target.                    Hargreeves now remembers both his timelines, after all, and he is keenly aware that the most overlooked aspect of Klaus' abilities could lead to his downfall. 

| Comments: Very good. |

https://archiveofourown.org/works/41254302

“Who You Gonna Call..?” by riverwrenwrites | Rated T | 130,000 Words | Main Relationship: Diego Hargreeves & Klaus Hargreeves | Important Tags: Buddy Cop AU, Murder Mystery, Fluff, Angst, Drug Use, Past Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Sibling Bonding, No Incest, Mild Gore | Synopsis: 

At the ripe old age of 25, Diego is still struggling with that age-old problem of balancing work and pleasure. Especially when, for him, work is being a desk-bound police detective, and pleasure is running around back alleys as a masked vigilante. Lucky for him, he may have just stumbled on the perfect unsolvable case that will finally have him taking his career seriously. Unlucky for him, the only hope he has of cracking said unsolvable case lies with his drug riddled, party going, fashion innovator of a brother. 

| Comments: First long fic I read! Very good, have read multiple times. |

https://archiveofourown.org/works/18371999

Honourable Mentions: These are some of the WIPs I’m reading.

“Chained” by Salvador_Daley | Rated M | Currently 50,000 Words | Main Relationship: Ben Hargreeves & Klaus Hargreeves | Important Tags: Pre-Canon, Murder Mystery, Angst, Drug Use, Blood and Injury | Synopsis: 

“Hey, er…” He’s forgotten the boy’s name. Something with a G. Was it Gavin? Or Garth? “Hey, buddy. I got somewhere to be, but if you wake up now we can go for round two before I have to leave.”

Twenty-two-year-old Klaus Hargreeves awakes following a one-night stand with an enigmatic young artist.

Apart from a stinking hangover, he now has two problems: he possesses almost no memory of the night before and there’s a gruesome surprise in the bed.

Accused of a horrific crime, and with the police watching his every move, he faces a race against time to clear his name.

If he can only stay sober long enough to patch together the memories of that night, he might just stand a chance. 

| Comments: Hasn’t updated in a few months, but I have hope. Has you on the edge of your seat and suspicious of everyone. |

https://archiveofourown.org/works/34364929

“Where You Gonna Run To?” by ToriAnne | Rated T | Currently 43,000 Words | Main Relationship: Just the Brellies with each other | Important Tags: No Paradox AU, Angst, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Recreational Drug Use, Non-Linear Narrative, Domestic Violence, Past Child Abuse, Religious Abuse | Synopsis: 

Sparrow AU with no paradox. Ben uncovers a mystery in his father's office and won't rest until he has answers.

This is how the Umbrellas changed and remained the same as they lived separate lives, how they found each other even so, and what happened when they did. 

| Comment: Updates every Wednesday. Excited to see where this fic goes. |

https://archiveofourown.org/works/44881930

[fistsoflightning]

14 | there will be signs

ffxivwrite2024 14: TELLING Having force or effect; effective; striking.

elwin wouldn't say he won the cactpot, but. lumelle & elwin. 1135 wc.

"Well," Lumelle said uselessly with her hands propped on her hips, "I can see where I got things wrong."

Beside her, Elwin copied her in a much more animated and irritated manner. "I told you I know the difference between kolossus and colossal like eight times and now you're reconsidering?"

She didn't need to rehash their quarter-bell linkpearl call that she spent mostly saying 'El, are you sure you don't mean colossal problem' only for him to repeat 'kolossus problem' like those were words that went together outside of Garlean robot colossi. The Gold Saucer could make up words for whatever. She didn't care. She absolutely did not care and there was no use continuing this spat.

But.

"I know you know but does the rest of Eorzea know? Someone could have spelled it wrong or something and you were just reading it out loud!"

"Lumelle."

"FINE!" She threw her hands up in the air, just to put her energy somewhere other than her voice. The Gold Saucer was loud enough to mask most of their bickering, but if she really yelled it was more like than not to gain a draconic tone near the end and that would make things extremely not fine. "FINE, you were RIGHT and I'm SORRY, but what are we going to do about—uh…"

Lumelle's voice trailed off as she turned to point at the very large korpokkur idling nearby with the most innocent look on its face. A not insignificant part of her wanted to squish its face a little and make silly noises; the rest of her was trying to figure out how her brother had ended up with it and also what the hells they could do about it. She knew that it positively couldn't come home to Ishgard. How it had ended up in the deserts of Thanalan in the first place was beyond her.

"I don't knoooow…" Elwin looked reluctantly back at his prize. "Um. Wedding gift for A'dewah?"

"Extremely funny idea, but that's not for moons at least and also this guy would not fit through Haruki's door," Lumelle said. It would be gut-bustingly hilarious to somehow put this guy in a box and witness A'dewah's face when he opens said box, but incredibly not possible unless A'dewah gets his shite together and actually sends out invitations or elopes. Whichever seems most appealing when he snaps. "Also also, I think Munehise has a korpokkur or three already, another is overkorpokkur. Can't you return him, or something? How did you end up with a gigantic korpokkur anyways?"

Elwin reached up to pull at his goggles in distress, the tips of his ears turning a dark red. Lumelle hastily reached down to keep him from snapping them over his eyes, because that was how you got eye damage, wasn't it?? And that absolutely wasn't happening on her watch.

"I won't laugh," she said. Maybe a giggle, but Elwin didn't need to know that.

"But I'm still embarrassed," her brother squeaked out.

"You have literally seen me go crazy and turn myself into a dragon because my crush was getting a little hurt," Lumelle said. "That time I came almost crying to your room because I tripped and ate floor in front of Alisaie and she wouldn't stop laughing at me because I made a funny noise when I did it. The 'who is A'dewah into anyways' incident."

Elwin groaned and said, eyes now screwed shut, "That last one doesn't count 'cause you gave me secondhand embarrassment."

"The point stands that you will never be as embarrassing as me," Lumelle insisted. "Tell me how your errand turned into korpokkur ownership before we get kicked out for making a scene and then we'll go get overpriced food and drinks that you can cry into."

"I'm not going to cry about this… Let go of my goggles." Elwin cracked one eye open, waited for her to stand back up to her full height of still-only-five fulms, and said, "So I did finish my errand. I delivered the mark seven drone to the lady."

"And you got paid," Lumelle said, "in… korpokkur?"

Elwin shook his head. "I got paid in cactpot tickets. For some reason. And they were—the Jumbo kind, which is definitely not what I should have been paid in? But by the time I thought about that she'd already left to have her husband try it out?"

She knew immediately where this was going with a biting clarity. "Elwin, no."

"So since I just had them now, and today was the number draw, I was thinking 'well, I guess I'll stick around and redeem these and get a funny hat after'. But as it turns out—" Elwin gestured to the korpokkur, which was not a funny hat in any sense. "—with my three tickets, I got the MGP from both first and second place? Since the lady had picked sequential numbers? So I had like, enough MGP in my hands to buy a small house, and a lot of people looking my way and saying things, and by then I was thinking 'I have got to get rid of this immediately or there's going to be a situation'."

"So you…"

"Bought. A few things." Elwin hid his face behind his hands, peering through the gaps between his fingers up at Lumelle's incredulous face. "The korpokkur isn't the only thing I grabbed but it is the only one that is. A problem!"

This was, frankly, hilarious to a degree Lumelle couldn't even comprehend at the moment. It would likely hit later when she was recounting the whole thing to Alisaie through laughter. She took another look at the korpokkur's gormless face, then looked back at Elwin and said, "You paid a mountain of fake coin for a whole plant that bounces. Look at it, it has no thoughts in there."

"I'm sure it has at least one," Elwin sighed.

"Yeah, the one that makes sure that water droplet doesn't fall off?"

"You're gonna hurt his feelings, Mellie."

"He's like a dog, he doesn't know! But fine, I'll be nice to your oversized moss ball. So long as he doesn't smush you beneath his roundness."

"Can I beg for mercy now?" Elwin's face was fully buried in his hands now. "I still don't know what to do with him."

"I'll call Miriel later, don't worry." And if that failed, she'd just have to go drop in on A'dewah in the Doman Enclave sooner than she was planning. No biggie. "I do have one last question, though."

Elwin groaned. "Promise we're done after? I can stuff my face in buyer's remorse?"

Lumelle patted the pocket of her coat that had her gil pouch. "Promise. Now—did you buy enough of the bunny ears for us to surprise Valdis with?"

[hypomanicsatanicpanic]

a few thoughts on the queer Purim comedy show I went to last night

The queer humor was fantastic. Some of the Purim content was ok. I am a non/post-Zionist, but I absolutely expected and looked forward to jokes about Israel and Zionism, given that I found out about this event in an explicitly anti-zionist discord server, and 50% of the money raised by tickets and donations went to the Palestine Children's Relief Fund, but I at least expected them to be jokes, you know? The whole thing gave "white guilt." It gave "white savior" and "noble savage." It gave "I'm one of the good ones."

First, it was a mixed bag on funny:

Four of the eight comics were hilarious, I fell out of my seat laughing during about half of those sets. I would pay money to see any of these people do comedy again.

Two were ok, laughed out loud at least 1-2 times during their sets. Wouldn't leave if they were at stand-up night, but probably wouldn't remember their sets after the fact.

Two were very seriously talking about things they obviously (and understandably) found upsetting, but trying to pass them off as deadpan jokes. One of those comics (who identified themself as an Arab Muslim) repeated several pieces of misinformation about Israel and Palestine-not even different opinions, verifiably false information that has been widely debunked. The other (who identified herself as a secular Jew) made several boomer wife jokes at the expense of her Palestinian wife. Those two comics also repeatedly complained about being called names by Zionists, concluding they "gave off incel vibes" as a punchline. For that to be funny, you've gotta unpack it! Say something original and unexpected, or you're just regurgitating antisemitic Tumblr posts and my former friend who uses "zios" as a slur. These two also made fun of people in diaspora who were feeling uncomfortable about being visibly Jewish in public. This same person also called Purim "just another Jewish holiday celebrating genocide" without unpacking that at all either.

It was also such a weird tone-clash for people to be talking about "ongoing genocide" and "40 family members killed" and "people sacrificed for a brave and noble cause" completely seriously--**during their comedy set**-- right between people joking about spelling out their pronouns in nipple grafts after top surgery, and other people joking about yonic hamantaschen and boric acid suppositories. That's not to say we shouldn't talk about it, it's just *how* and *when* felt pretty badly off in this case.

I'm not one to call other Jews self-hating, or kapos. But it really felt gross to see such performative hatred of other Jews who did not share the exact same views or life experiences get so much applause, despite being low-effort and unfunny. Like, don't get me wrong, the content was low-level upsetting, but became much more so because it was such lazy comedy. I think I would have enjoyed it much more if those statements/jokes were balanced with some good-humored, self-critical jokes. Telling the audience whatever they want to hear is cheap and boring. Tell us shit that confronts us, makes us uncomfortable, but forces us to laugh at it!

And the assumptions that everyone there would be 100% on board with everything said about other Jews present and historical, no matter how nasty, bad-faith, or false. The absolute and wilful misunderstanding about others' actual beliefs and experiences, the lack of compassion for Jews struggling with antisemitism *in their own cities and communities*, the self-pity, the failure to successfully lampoon OR engage meaningfully or originally with the ongoing conflict or the more troubling parts of the Purim story... The assumptions about the views and experiences of everyone else there. The absolute certainly and smugness about being morally superior to the vast majority of other Jews.

It was troubling to have so much in common with so many of the people there, and yet to feel so alienated. We were almost all queer Jews, with all of that attendant baggage. And I'm 100% certain we want the people who live in the Levant (Arabs, Jews, everyone!) to have lasting peace and safety, and also want Jews to be able to live and thrive in diaspora. Ultimately though, I'm not willing to throw other Jews (most of whom actually share those goals!) under the bus to signal those beliefs or get a couple of feeble chuckles. I wouldn't want to make money at their expense, even if some of the money went towards a worthy cause.

Next time this event comes around I'll probably skip it and just donate what I would have paid for admission to the Palestine Children's Relief Fund (which you can do here )

[shsy7573]

We’re in This Together - Overview

Summery and information

Description: Janeway and B’Elanna are trapped underground on an unfamiliar planet, and no way of knowing how to get to the surface. The natives of this planet seem intent on killing them, and the two are forced to rely on each other in order to survive. Will they be able to make it until Voyager comes to their rescue, or will they perish at the hands of their spider-ly foes?

Setting: VOY Season 3

Relationships: Platonic Janeway & B’Elanna (hinted mother-daughter)

WARNING: This fanfic contains instances violence and animalistic cannibalism. Neither are extremely graphic, but they are present.

Master list/Chapter index

Chapter One

Chapter Two

Chapter Three

Chapter Four

Chapter Five

Chapter Six

Chapter Seven

Chapter Eight

Chapter Nine

Chapter Ten

Chapter Eleven

Chapter Twelve

Chapter Thirteen

Fun Facts and Author Comments

- As stated in the beginning of each chapter, this story has not be read over or edited at all. I wrote it all in one burst over the coarse of three days. I just had to get it out of my head.

- This story was originally just going to sit in my Google docs for my eyes only, but I was so happy with the concept that I just had to post it.

- I created a tumblr account just so I could put platonic Janeway and B’Elanna content onto this earth!

- B’Elanna and Janeway should have gotten more relationship development in the show. That scene in the beginning where they’re essentially just geeking out whilst brainstorming solutions stole my heart and then THEY JUST NEVER GOT CLOSER! So I did it myself.

- Barge of the Dead was one of my fav episodes, if you couldn’t guess.

- I went WAY too hard on this fic. Every time it would timeskip change I put what time the new scene started and ended on in brackets so I could make sure time was passing accurately.

- Adding on to that, I actually pulled up an online calculator of how little water a person could survive off of based on how much physical activity they were doing.

- I also drew a (very poor) map of the tunnel layout so I could ensure they were travelling an adequate distance before each day ended.

- By Chapter Six I was really starting to run out of cool and interesting ways to basically do the same shit of “they walked, they came across a cave, they walked, they got attacked by spider-aliens- they walked.” But, I at least hope it stayed engaging.

- Yes, I did name the aliens “Arachnomen” JUST BECAUSE I thought it was funny. And yes, I did chuckle every time I wrote it.

- When I started writing this fic, I had no idea where it was going, but I’m happy with where it ended up.

- I really, REALLY tried to keep the characters as consistent and accurate to canon personality-wise as possible. But, I just know there are some points where it’s questionable.

- Part of me wants to write a little spin-off fic of all the senior officers visiting Janeway in sick bay while she recovers, but I also… don’t. So, if anyone would be willing, feel free! (Just make sure to credit me :) )

- I thought concussed, mood-swing B’Elanna was rlly funny.

- I laughed out loud several times writing Chapter Eight.

- I rlly hope tumblr doesn’t take down Ch. 7 post for tagging ‘animalistic cannibalism’

[occult-roommates]

Video call

One evening, everyone in the apartment was minding their business, doing their stuff. Charlie was in her room reading, it was Daniele’s turn to do the dishes, while Rudi, Akva and Dawud were watching a movie. Then, Kino was on a video call with their lovely girlfriend, aka Toni.

Toni: Aw, I love you so much. Kino: No, I love you more! Toni: Nooo, I love you more! Daniele: Oh my god, you guys are gonna make me sick! Kino: Jealous. Daniele: Didn’t you used to be a serial dater? Does Toni knows that? Kino: I am a changed woman now. I know she’s the right one.

As a sign of protest against this overtly cutesy moment, Rudi rose the TV volume as loud as possible.

Akva: My back is killing. Daniele: My neck, my back, lick my- Rudi: Don’t. Akva: I’ve been wondering but like, is there something about pregnancy that causes back pain or like, does having a big belly will cause strain on your back eventually no matter what? Dawud: Yes. Rudi: Have you considered losing weight? Dawud: Wow, I totally never considered that, in fact I don’t even know what that is. Thank you for enlighting me. Akva: Why are you guys always so rude to each other! It’s not funny! Dawud: Hey, we’re not being rude, it’s just friendly bickering. Rudi: “Rude”. This is not how you pronounce my name.

Feeling like she was going to start being rude too, Akva went to her room, she was exhausted anyway. Who the fuck said it should be legal to force you to keep working in retail while eight months pregnant? 

The following afternoon, Akva also had a video call, this time with Paisley. They had been keeping in touch in order to finalize the adoption formally, and that day, Paisley had very exciting news. The nursery was done and ready.

Paisley: I’ve sent you picture so you can look at them. We have a bedroom for the little one, there’s not a lot yet but you know, we still have six weeks left before the baby is here and also I don’t think an infant cares all that much about having a lot of toys. However, we also made a play room for her with lots of toys for her to enjoy. We also made a playground for her outside, near our pool. The good thing about her being a mermaid is that we won’t have to worry about her drowning... Akva: That’s great, wow. Paisley: Speaking of which, do you know any good place where we can find mermaid related stuff? Damian and I have been trying real hard to find some but it’s almost all Little Mermaid related and I’ve heard this tale is really offensive to merfolks cause in the original it is said that you guys don’t have a soul. Akva: I mean, I don’t think anyone is getting offended by any of the modern versions but it’s true it can be a bit iffy how the entire plot is related to her wanting to become a human and getting that in the end. Paisley: So, any place where I can find actual mermaid related stuff by actual merfolks? Akva: Uh...I don’t know, you can google merfolk owned business. Also I can send you some family jewelries if you want her to keep in touch with her Guyanese root. Paisley: By the way you shouldn’t drink coffee while pregnant. Akva: It’s a decaf, I’m not stupid...

Akva looked at the picture. Wow, that woman was really ready to have a baby, in fact she was even ready to have a toddler running around already. In fact, Paisley was much more ready than her to have this baby, and she’s not even the one who will have to push out the damn thing...

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