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iam93percentstardust · 1 year ago

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It's not just the commodification of fandom. It's not just the disinterest in wips in favor of completed stories. It's not just the unwillingness to take chances on new writers.

It's the demand for instant gratification too.

I'm posting a "wip" right now. It's actually a fully completed story, and I stated that in the A/N when I started posting it a few weeks ago. I finished writing it early in December. It's not going to be abandoned and discontinued. Short of a tragic accident, it will 100% be posted in its entirety before the end of January.

It's also almost 60k words long. Each chapter is approximately 14k words. That's a lot to expect people to read quickly, so I made the decision to post weekly instead of dumping it all at once. I don't normally do that for wips. I normally post bimonthly to give myself time to write the next chapter. But in concession to the fact that this one is already finished, I decided to post once a week. Could I have posted it all at once or even once a day? Sure, but again, I have more than a few close friends who are slow readers, and I thought it was better to give people the time to read each chapter and let it digest before dumping another one on them instead of making them feel like they have to read it immediately so they don't miss the next update.

This, apparently, was a mistake.

I've been very open about working on this fic since I started it in September. People told me they were excited to get the chance to read it every time I posted an update about where I was in the writing process. When I announced that I was posting it, they told me that they couldn't wait to read it. It's not like I was expecting massive numbers of kudos and comments; this fandom has shrunk in size and engagement, I'm not the most popular writer in it, and I try not to feel entitled to engagement, but considering all the people telling me they were excited for it, I was expecting something.

Instead it was crickets. All those people who were so excited and told me they couldn't wait to get home to read it? That was the last I heard from them, unless it was to express outright incredulity that I expected them to read a work in progress. "It's not a work in progress!" I protested. "I'm just taking a little longer to post it!" Yeah, but it's not posted all in one go, so why should we bother to read it? We'll just wait until the end of January once it's finished. "Will I hear from you then? Will I get any indication at all that you liked it?" Eh, maybe. If we feel like it. But it'll only be one comment at the very end. If that.

This keeps happening. If it's not an already completed chaptered fic that I'm posting over time instead of immediately, then it's an idea that I had first talked about a while ago but took a couple months to write only to be met with silence once I start posting because everyone moved on and forgot about it. If it's not ready to go right now in all its fully finished glory and all 60k words posted immediately after I first spoke about it, then why am I talking about it at all? Why should I expect people to be waiting in anticipatory eagerness?

I remember when I posted my first Christmas event fic in 2020. It was already finished too when I started posting it. I'd been talking about it all year. People had seemed really excited for it when I first mentioned it, but then interest seemed to die out somewhere around August. By the time I started posting it in late November, I was fully convinced that no one was going to read it. I actually posted the first chapter and then immediately turned my computer off and didn't let myself turn it back on until the next day.

I was shocked by the number of readers I had. The number of comments. The sheer amount of people telling me they'd been waiting on tenterhooks for me to post that first chapter. And it kept coming. People were talking and theorizing and marking their conversations with spoiler bars for anyone who hadn't read the latest chapter. People timed when I posted the first few chapters so they could be waiting by their computer for when I dropped the next one. I was randomly gifted art. It was really an event, and I'll always be grateful for the support and community I was given for that month.

I never believed I'd ever be able to capture that kind of readership again, and I was right, and that's okay. But when I posted last year's Christmas event fic, for the first time since I started doing this in 2020, someone asked me why I bothered to space it out over a month instead of just posting the entire thing in one go on Christmas Day and how could I possibly expect them to be that invested for an entire month instead of just waiting until it was finished. I didn't know how to tell them that only three years prior, that's not only exactly what people did but they were excited for it to be like that.

If I'm not going to post my already completed fic in one lump sum right now, then the audience for it is nonexistent. And the audience won't grow once it's finished. It's like I have one opportunity to capture the readers and if they weren't willing to take the chance on the first chapter, then they'll never come back. It's disheartening, to say the least. Only six months ago, I was telling a friend that I thought this was my forever pairing, that I'd still be writing for this ship when I was old and grey. And now I'm going through my ideas folder, wondering what can be repurposed for other ships, because I increasingly feel not just that I'm shouting into a void but that the void is actively ignoring me.

I can't post wips because what if I abandon them or take too long to update? I can't post a chaptered fic in one go because that's too many words to expect people to read. But I can't space out posting completed chaptered fics either because everyone wants the instant gratification of the full fic right now. So what am I supposed to do?

I miss December 2020, but it's not the random art that I miss or the kudos or the number of comments. It was the community that built up around this fic. It was knowing that it was okay to space out the chapters because everyone was still right there with me, talking and theorizing and using their spoiler bars. It was my audience trusting me enough to come along with me for the ride instead of waiting for me to be done. I was so scared back then that the full year between me first talking about the idea and posting the first chapter had lost me my audience, scared that they'd all forgotten about me and moved on to other authors who were quicker to post, but I wish I'd known that three years later, it would only take four months for people to lose interest in an idea.

I'd have treated December 2020 like it was way more special than I did.

#alle talks #bad comments #fandom #writing

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ur-boyfiend · 1 year ago

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hot cocoa kisses

changbin x m!reader

hihi merry crimmis !! wasn't gonna do a fic but then decided eh whattahell why not. much like the halloween fic i'm writing this absolutely last minute so uhhhh sorry in advance if there are any errors ^^; (this is being posted so late i'm so sorry) feedback + pointing out errors are both greatly appreciated :] wc; 4.8k (christ-)

christmas has always been an odd time of year for you. between strange and strained family relationships and your own mental health issues, family gatherings felt like walking over a minefield.

you groan and roll over, shoving your face into your pillows. you don't want to see any of your relatives this year, but you sure as hell don't want to deal with their attitudes if you skip either.

there's shuffling on the other side of the room and you lift your head just in time to see your roommate flick on the light by his bed.

"you good man?"

there's genuine concern in his voice, and you laugh quietly, "right now? mostly. after i see my family? absolutely not."

he frowns, sitting up properly, and you sit up as well, facing him across the room.

"wanna come with me then? my family's been on my ass about bringing someone over, and they're....." he grimaces slightly, "sometimes a lot, but they mean well."

"so how fake boyfriend am i expected to be?" you grin, always up for teasing him.

he rolls his eyes slightly, "or you could be my roommate?"

"well that's no fun."

the comment gets you a pillow to the face, sending you into a fit of giggles.

"yeah yeah, you're a comedic genius, do you wanna come with or not?"

after taking a moment to catch your breath, you nod, "sounds fun."

"i don't know about fun, but sure, whatever you say."

you hum quietly, "should i get gifts for people?"

changbin shrugs, "i usually just bring some kind of sweets for people to share, my family doesn't do individual gifts very much. since not all of us would be able to afford things for everyone."

"oh, that makes sense. we could make hot chocolate bombs though."

"make what nows?"

you laugh, "hot chocolate bombs, they're chocolate shells filled with hot cocoa powder and things like peppermint bits or mini marshmallows, so when you drop it in warm milk the shell melts and boom! hot chocolate."

"those sound good, we can get the stuff to make 'em later, when it's a reasonable hour to be awake."

you yawn, nodding, and flop back down onto your bed. changbin laughs and flicks off the light again, also lying back down and closing his eyes.

winter sun cuts through the window, the curtains making a futile attempt to filter out the harsh glare. you grumble and pull your blankets over your head, only for changbin to pull them back off of you a moment later.

you glare up at him and he grins, "c'mon, you still wanna make hot chocolate bombs?"

sitting up, you flip him off and rub your eyes, not particularly keen on being conscious at the moment, but also knowing you probably won't be able to fall asleep again.

"yeah yeah, only if we can get coffee on the way back from the store though."

"whatever you want, sweetheart."

you flip him off again and he laughs loudly, too loudly for your half-asleep liking.

"okay get out so i can get dressed."

"aw, don't wanna change in front of your boyfriend?"

you're confused for a second, but remember the conversation you'd had earlier, "......i regret everything i've ever said."

"well that's a bit rude."

"oh my god leave-" you grab a pillow and smack him with it, making him laugh.

"okay okay! i'm leaving!"

you grumble a bit as you get out of bed and stretch, feeling your brain fill with static for a moment as your body gets used to being active again.

shuffling to your dresser you grab a pair of jeans and hoodie, getting dressed quickly before putting on socks and shoving your phone, keys, and wallet into your pockets.

going out to the main area of the apartment, you hear movement in the kitchen and stick your head around the corner to see changbin going through the cupboards, a container of hot cocoa powder already sitting on the counter.

"ready?"

changbin turns to look at you and nods, shutting the cupboard he'd been rummaging in and grabbing a hoodie from where he'd dropped it over the arm of the couch the last time he'd come back home. you tug on a pair of worn combat boots, changbin putting on his own, slightly less beat up, pair.

walking towards the elevators, you chat about what his family is like and what yours is like as well, telling stories about other christmases and your favorite things about the holiday season.

it doesn't take long to reach the grocery store a few blocks from your apartment building, storefronts are decorated with lights and ornaments, but the streets are all but empty. it's the day before christmas eve, and most people have already left to visit their loved ones.

the store speakers are playing tinny christmas carols, and you sing along as you go through the aisles, changbin occasionally teasing you for it. you know it's all in good fun, and anytime he makes fun of you, you sing a bit louder.

you're arguing as you go through the checkout line, neither one of you willing to let the other pay. changbin says he should because it's for his family, you counter that it was your idea, so you should pay.

the cashier smiles as you reach the register, "you two are a cute couple."

changbin's ears go red, and you can feel yourself turning almost the same color as the cashier's santa hat. the cashier seems to notice her misstep, but doesn't correct herself. you're not sure if you love or hate her for that.

"we're not a couple," you finally respond, scratching the back of your neck.

"oh, that's a shame." she continues calmly ringing up your items, but you catch the glint in her eye. it takes genuine effort to stop yourself from laughing and she smiles, winking as you hand her your card, changbin too distracted to notice until you've already paid.

when you return to your apartment, you start getting the things you need out of the shopping bags.

"hey, can you fill a pot with water? i'm gonna use it for a double-boiler."

changbin looks lost as to what you're on about, but nonetheless he fills a small pot with water and sets it on the stovetop. grabbing a bag of chocolate chips, you walk over to the stove and grab a metal bowl from one of the cupboards, carefully setting it so that it's suspended within the larger pot.

"while i melt chocolate can you start measuring things? the molds are probably big enough for a tablespoon or two of cocoa powder, doesn't have to be particularly exact, just as long as it doesn't spill over the edges."

changbin nods, "how many are we making?"

".....that's a great question. we probably have enough for at least a dozen? we can probably just make them until we run out of ingredients, it's not like they'll go bad."

"should we do half with the mini marshmallows and then the other marshmallow ones with the cocoa mix that has them in it? because they might not go bad, but the marshmallows will get stale eventually."

"good point, we can bring the ones with fresh marshmallows and keep the ones with the marshmallows mix?"

"works for me."

you hear the water starting to bubble, and you pour the bag of chocolate chips into the bowl, carefully stirring them as they begin to melt. grabbing the half mold on the counter next to you, you spray a thin layer of cooking oil onto it, using a paper towel to even out the coating.

glancing back to the stove, you quickly stir the chocolate again, sighing in relief when none of it looks burnt. pouring in the rest of the chocolate chips, you continue stirring it to make sure it's evenly heated.

as you're worrying over the chocolate, you hear the bluetooth speaker in the kitchen turn on, a playlist you made with changbin at 2am filling the space. you start dancing slightly as you work, changbin humming along to the music.

"okay, chocolate's melted, now for the hard part-" you turn down the heat on the stove, continuing to stir the chocolate as it cools and thickens slightly.

"can you grab a baking pan and put it on the island? i gotta pour the chocolate and i don't need the landlord after my ass."

changbin laughs, the sounds of metal clanking mixing into the noise of the room as he places a metal pan onto the countertop, laughing and joking as he follows your instructions on how to fill the molds and empty the excess, it takes a couple tries but the molds are eventually covered properly and you put them in the freezer in order to set the chocolate quickly.

grabbing one of the bottles of coffee you'd compromised on at the grocery store, you pop off the lid and take a long drink, sighing happily.

"ah, caffeine my beloved."

changbin sits on the counter across from the one you're leaning against, swinging his legs slightly.

"you said we're leaving tomorrow, and then coming back the 26th?"

"yeah, so we'll be spending two nights."

"are we gonna end up with the only one bed?"

"like we haven't slept in the same bed before, mr. i'm sad so you're obligated to cuddle me."

"hey," you point at him, "that was once."

he laughs, "it was not!"

you stick your tongue out at him, but don't actually argue because he's right, and you don't feel like losing an argument this early in the day. instead, you go to the freezer to see if the chocolate is set.

"ok, molds are good, i gotta get them out, can you grab the hot cocoa?"

"roger."

putting the two trays of molds on the island, you carefully flex the plastic in order to loosen the shells so they won't break when you try to take them out. soon there are about two dozen bowl-shaped chocolate shells scattered across the counter in front of you.

changbin thunks the container of cocoa mix onto the counter, "okay master chef, what now?"

trying to show changbin how to put the hot chocolate bombs together is a bit hectic, but it's fun, and by the time you're done you're both covered in hot cocoa mix and out of breath from laughing.

the rest of the day is spent packing and getting ready for your trip, it took a lot longer than it probably should've because you kept annoying each other and getting sidetracked. eventually you're done, and collapse on the couch to watch movies.

you stir as the sun is starting to rise, unsure of what woke you up. a second later there's an ache in your back and you wince.

well, i guess that's why i woke up.

deciding to grab a painkiller, you go to stand up when you realize someone's arms are wrapped around your waist. looking up, you see changbin still asleep, hair messy and cheeks puffed out slightly.

on an impulse you reach up and tap his nose, causing it to scrunch up. a moment later, his eyelids flutter. you're too busy staring to worry about being caught staring, but you still blush when he smiles sleepily at you.

"mornin'," his voice is raspy and still muffled by sleep, which is not good for your sanity.

"mmh, good morning," you smile back, "mind letting go of me?"

he just pulls you closer, burying his face in your hair.

"very much so."

his response makes you laugh, "i don't know what i was expecting."

managing to free an arm, you grab your phone off the coffee table and check the time.

10:43, we should probably get up.

"c'mon, it's almost eleven. if we don't get up soon we won't make it on time."

changbin grumbles but his grip on you loosens and you're finally able to stand up. stretching, you hear your spine pop a concerning amount and you groan, making a beeline for the painkillers in the kitchen.

opening your messages app you go to the thread with your best friend, sending may your next ibuprofen take effect quickly and noticeably, before going into your room to grab a change of clothes.

setting the clothes on the counter in the bathroom, you turn on the shower, giving the water a moment to warm up. as you wait you flick through your playlists, choosing one at random and putting it on shuffle.

you shower quickly, singing along to the music playing on your phone. much as you'd like to stay under the warm water, you know you need to get your shit together if you want to be able to leave by noon.

stepping out of the shower, you quickly dry off and put on the clean clothes, deciding to just let your hair air dry. returning to your room you chuck your old clothes into the laundry basket next to your dresser and put your phone on the charger while you wait to leave.

in the meantime, you grab the messenger bag hanging off the frame of your bed and start filling it with the things you hadn't packed the night before, mostly just your laptop and things for your classes.

changbin comes in a moment later, also shoving a few things into his backpack.

"hey, y/n," you glance over to see him holding up the switch that'd been charging in the living room, and give him a thumbs-up. he nods and adds it to the things in his bag.

"i think we're good?" you puff out your cheeks, trying to remember if you need anything else.

changbin zips the bag sitting next to him, "we should get going soon."

"we packed the hot chocolate bombs already, right?"

"they were one of the first things that got packed, don't worry."

you roll you eyes slightly, "yeah because telling someone not to worry always works."

"c'mon, let's go before you worry yourself to death," changbin takes your hand, pulling you to your feet.

"i'd be impressed if i managed to worry myself all the way to death, that seems more like something chan would do."

"and it'd be entirely jisung's fault."

you snort and grab your suitcase, well aware of the headaches jisung gave chan.

"at least it wouldn't be us, which should count as a miracle."

while you and changbin tried not to stress chan out, you both had rather unfortunate luck and he'd had to manage at least three er visits for each of you.

stepping into the hallway, you check that the door is locked three times before changbin grabs your arm and drags you towards the elevator bank. the elevator cars creak and rattle, and you think that if a fourth er visit comes up it'll be from the aging elevators. you're amazed that they're still running at all.

your apartment building is close enough to the train station that you figure getting a taxi wouldn't be worth it, so the two of you walk, talking mostly about family things.

"i'm not sure if my family's gonna give me a ton of shit for skipping, or if they're gonna be glad i didn't show."

changbin laughs, "well my family's definitely gonna be excited to meet you, not sure if that'll make up for things but, y'know." he punctuates his statement with a shrug, and you laugh.

one slightly chaotic journey through the train station later, you're both in your seats. before long, you're starting to doze off, soothed by the gentle movement of the train.

you wake up again as the train stops, the lack of movement and general chaos of reaching the station dragging you out of your rest. there's a crick in your neck, and you can feel something on the side of your head. stretching slightly, you realize that your head is on changbin's shoulder, and his head is now leaning on yours.

carefully you shove changbin away from you, shaking him slightly. he stretches, and you barely avoid getting smacked.

"wake up before we end up going to the next station," you stand, dragging changbin to his feet. you sling your bag over your shoulder and grab your suitcase, changbin following suit.

getting off the train is easier said than done, the rush of holiday traffic that made navigating the station so chaotic makes navigating the train even harder, but you make it off soon enough.

once you're off the train and out of the station, changbin hails a taxi and you pile in, changbin giving the address to your driver. it's not a long drive, and you're both still waking up, so it's relatively quiet.

however, any calm or quiet is broken the second you step through the door of the house. changbin wasn't lying when he said his family was a lot, but their excitement makes you feel warm in a way your family never did.

after a solid ten seconds of nearly suffocating changbin in a hug, his mom looks up and sees you standing near the door, and somehow smiles even wider than she had been.

a heartbeat later and now you're the one being suffocated, and you can feel tears pricking the corners of your eyes. you still manage to hug her back, and she steps away a moment later, giving you a once-over.

"so, you're changbin's boyfriend?"

"mom," changbin's tone confirms that he expected this line of questioning, and you almost laugh, "he's my roommate."

from further down the hall you hear a soft, "oh my god they were roommates?" and look up to see a younger teen sticking their head around a corner. changbin notices them as well, but you grab his arm before he can do anything.

"no murder," you glare at him halfheartedly and he grumbles.

"i wasn't gonna kill them."

"no aggravated assault either."

he rolls his eyes and his mom laughs, gesturing for you to follow her. you elbow changbin and he seems to snap back to reality, following you as you follow his mom. she shows the two of you to a guest room, turning to make sure you're both behind her.

"i can grab a mattress and some bedding from the hall closet in a minute, feel free to settle in in the meantime."

you smile and thank her, and she gives you both a kiss on the cheek before leaving.

collapsing facedown onto the bed you feel yourself deflate, the mattress next to you sinking a moment later as changbin sits down as well.

"so, thoughts so far?"

you turn your head, rolling all the way onto your back a moment later, "i might end up crying before we leave just fyi."

"that bad?" changbin asks, but you can tell he doesn't think that's the reason.

"no it's just, family acting like family is so foreign to me. not to mention treating me like family even when i'm not."

you get a gentle smack on the side of your head, changbin grinning slightly, "hey, as long as we're friends you're family as far as anyone here is concerned. honestly my mom would probably replace me with you if we ever had a falling out."

you shove yourself into a sitting position, shaking your head slightly, "don't even joke about that."

"what, my mom replacing me?"

"no, about us having a falling out. you don't need to speak that into existence, thank you very much."

he laughs, "aw, you think i'm special?"

"ugh forget i said anything," you roll your eyes, "you're the worst, get outta here."

instead, changbin wraps his arms around your torso, dragging you both down onto the bed. "it's way too late to get rid of me, sorry pal."

you wiggle around in an attempt to lie down more comfortably. "yeah yeah, now let me move, i can already feel my arm starting to cramp."

he loosens his hold and you can finally roll over so you're facing eachother, poking the tip of his nose when you do. he scrunches it up and you laugh, "you look like a bunny."

"you're probably the only person who's ever thought to call me that," he grins.

"it's not like you have many other close friends mr. antisocial."

"we have the same friends!"

"okay listen here-"

"i'm listening."

you pause, not actually having had something to say. changbin seems to notice and he laughs, and you roll your eyes in an attempt to ignore your blush.

it seems like he's about to say something, but he's interrupted by a yawn, making you yawn as well.

"we've both been sleeping almost all day, how are we still tired."

you shrug and curl further into changbin, feeling the blankets drop over you a moment later.

waking up you can hear people talking quietly, and try to figure out what's being said. changbin is still next to you, but he's sitting up now and there's a soft light filtering into the room from the hall.

"you sure seem cozy for someone who was all indignant about just being roommates," you recognize the voice of changbin's mom and smile slightly.

"look i don't wanna push things," changbin sounds tired, but emotionally instead of physically, "i'd rather have him in my life as a friend than not at all."

"have you considered that he might feel the same? and even if he doesn't, i really don't think he'd cut you off over it. you should have more faith in him kiddo."

you suddenly feel like you've done something wrong, a strange sense of guilt flooding over you. trying to ignore the feeling, you stir slightly, acting like you're just now waking up. both voices cut off, and you hear changbin's mom sigh slightly.

"tell him dinner is ready when he wakes up, okay?"

a moment later you hear the door to your room close again, and you rub your eyes.

"mm, what time is it?"

changbin glances at his phone, "it's almost nine, mom says dinner's ready. i think everyone else is either asleep or at least in bed so it'll probably just be us two."

you push yourself up onto an elbow, still abnormally tired, "how romantic."

you feel changbin flick your forehead and you snort, sitting up all the way.

"let's go eat then, could we make hot chocolate after?"

"sure, c'mon," changbin takes your hand and pulls you to your feet again. guess this is becoming a habit, you think, glancing at your joined hands.

stepping into the hall you realize changbin was right about it just being the two of you, the house is almost dead silent. there's still food on the stove, and you smile.

changbin makes a plate for you and one for himself, putting them on the kitchen island. you sit on one of the stools at the island, still not fully awake.

"drink?"

you smile, "just water please."

a moment later changbin sets a glass of water in front of you, putting one by to his own plate as well before sitting on the stool to your side. you talk quietly as you eat, trying not to disturb anyone else in the house.

when you're both done eating changbin takes your dishes and puts them in the sink, "okay, hot cocoa?"

"mhm! can you warm up the milk without it getting a skin or should i be in charge of that?"

"i usually use water for hot cocoa so i think that answers your question."

you snort, "okay, can you grab a saucepan and milk please?"

"yup," changbin gives a thumbs-up and you laugh slightly, grabbing one of the wooden spoons from the utensils near the stove.

after heating the milk for a few minutes you glance up again, "can you grab a couple mugs? and did either of us ever get the hot cocoa bombs out."

"i got 'em out, they should be on top of the fridge, one sec," changbin sets two mugs on the counter, the box of hot chocolate bombs following soon after.

you carefully pour the milk into the mugs, placing the pan in the sink when you're done. grabbing a hot chocolate bomb you hold it up, changbin grabbing one as well.

"cheers!" you tap the hot chocolate bombs together and laugh before you both drop them into the milk. the result is almost immediate, the chocolate shell melting quickly, the hot cocoa bomb rolling around like a bathbomb would.

after watching the hot chocolate bomb melt for a moment you notice changbin in your peripheral, holding a spoon in your direction. you take it and smile at him, stirring the contents of the mug in front of you, the milk going from an off-white to a rich chocolate brown.

when you're satisfied with the level of mixing, you hold up your mug.

"cheers again," changbin says as he clinks the mugs together and you smile, taking a drink.

"man i fucking love hot chocolate, it's literally the best winter drink."

changbin laughs, "y'know what, i gotta agree with you on that one."

a day and a half spent in the whirlwind of changbin's family and their holiday cheer doesn't let you forget about the conversation you'd overheard, and you decide to ask about it when you're back in your apartment.

but saying you'll do something and doing something are two different things, and the night you get back, you spend an agonizingly long few minutes at 2am wondering if you should just ignore it.

groaning into your pillow, you feel a distinct sense of deja vu as changbin flicks on his light.

"you alright?"

you groan again, becoming more and more conflicted.

"...hot cocoa?"

that gets you to prop yourself up and look in changbin's direction, tilting your head slightly.

he shrugs, "you seem upset and i figured if you didn't wanna talk you might want hot cocoa."

"i love you."

your mouth moves before your brain, catching you both off guard, and you can feel your face start to burn. there's not much light in the room, but you can see changbin blushing too. you want to backtrack, but you realize it's not untrue, and decide it'd do more harm than good.

instead, you stand up and cross the room, sitting next to him and putting your head on his shoulder. the movement snaps him out of the frozen state he'd been in, and you feel him wrap his arm around your waist, pulling you closer.

the silence is in a strange limbo between comfortable and awkward, and you don't know if you want to break it because you're not sure what he'll say.

eventually, you decide to bite the bullet, "you don't have to say it, we can just make hot cocoa."

you feel changbin rest his head on yours, and you smile slightly. you wouldn't mind getting used to this, you think.

"if i say it can we still make hot chocolate? or is this an either or situation," he huffs a laugh at the end of his question, and you gently elbow him.

"we can make hot chocolate either way, you dork."

"well i was gonna say it but now i'm reconsidering."

you gasp dramatically and he laughs, pulling you closer again.

"i'm kidding, i'm kidding. don't worry, i love you too."

"you're an ass, you know that?"

changbin hums, pretending to think, "yeah, that might've been mentioned to me before."

"i rescind the hot cocoa offer, i'm going back to bed, goodnight," you try to stand, but changbin wraps his other arm around you as well, pulling you back down.

"nooo, stayyy."

you lean into him, laughing. you feel him bury his face in your hair and laugh harder.

"c'mon, you made me want hot cocoa," you try to stand again, but this time changbin lets you, following you into the kitchen.

you're both quiet while you make the drinks, but this time the silence is firmly within the realm of comfortable, broken only by humming or the sound of metal clinking.

when you both have your hot cocoa in hand, you return to your room, sitting next to each other on changbin's bed once again. you're about halfway done with your hot cocoa when you feel your eyelids starting to get heavy again, and you finish the drink rather quickly, putting your mug on the small table next to the bed. changbin finishes his hot cocoa not long after you, putting his mug on the table as well.

"hey," you look at him and he turns, tilting his head to the side. you smile and lean over, giving him a soft peck. you're both still for a moment before he leans over, reconnecting your lips.

you move your hands up, threading your fingers through his hair. his hands land on your waist, and you can feel him smile.

the kiss tastes like hot chocolate and marshmallows, you think it's the sweetest thing you'll ever taste.

#boyfiend writes #stray kids #skz #stray kids imagines #skz imagines #stray kids fluff #stray kids x y/n #stray kids x reader #changbin #seo changbin #seo changbin x y/n #seo changbin x reader #stray kids fanfic #stray kids x male reader #changbin fluff #changbin x reader

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sanddusted-wisteria · 1 year ago

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Wisteria NPC dialogue

Dialogue if Wis was an NPC in MTAS! I've written some of these lines before, but since a couple other people have been doing it, I decided to write moreeeee! I've fleshed out most of the basic dialogue types.

[Very long post below the cut, heads up :P]

Intro: "Oh hey, you're new here? I'm new here too. I'm Wisteria. Or Wis. Or Wisty. Your pick. I'm still getting used to getting around here, but maybe we can learn together."

Acquaintance:

Oh, hey. What’s up? Me? Oh, not much.

How are commissions? Busy? Yeah.

Need any help with anything? No? Okay. Feel free to ask if you do.

"Ughhhhh, this heat. Whyyyy did I move to the desert...?! Oh hey, sorry. I'm just busy dying... Ughhhhhh...."

Buddy:

"I keep running out of water... No, not with the machines, it's my garden. Think I got a bit overzealous..."

“Hey, you explore the ruins lately? Find anything cool? I mostly turned up a bunch of cheap plastic junk, but there are some interesting things here and there.”

“If you wanna use the telescope without risking Qi giving you the stinkeye, he never uses it between 3 and 4 AM on Mondays, Wednesdays, and Thursdays. Yeah, odd hours. But this is Qi we’re talking about, remember?”

“I don’t mind taking up something extra if it’ll help you out. With a guy like Yan at the helm, we need each other’s backs as much as possible…”

“Slow going machine? Hmm… Here, let me. I know a trick to make this a little faster…”

Good Friend:

“Quick question: what’s your favorite plant? …I see, I see. Lemme see if I can get my hands on it and we’ll see if it can grow out here!”

“Do I miss Highwind? Eh, yes and no. I’ve still got a chip on my shoulder about the place, but…it doesn’t matter now. I’ve got Sandrock. And I’ve got you.”

“My aunt Solanum sent me more pomato seeds again… You want any? No? Okay. …You want any potatoes or tomatoes? Swing by my place if you do. I have…many.”

I always keep my screwdriver set on me. You probably should too. You never know when you’ll come across something that needs screwing, or something that needs a little leverage, or a time when you need a stabbing weapon! …What? Never an impossibility.”

Sandstorm: “Careful out there. It’s already hard to see and the sandhat only makes it worse. Stay close to landmarks you recognize.”

Rain: “Raaaaaain! Oh man, I don’t have to water all gajillion of my plants today! Yaaaaay!”

Player has a new haircut: “Hm? Oh, new hair! Looks good.”

Player has panda eyes: “Hey, you good? It’s not really worth it to try and squeeze out work past like, 10 PM. Trust me, I would know.”

Player cuts a tree in front of Wis: “Oi, oi. That was a nice tree, I’ll have you know. Not many of those around here. Now it’s dead.”

Player attacks Wis with a weapon: “Ack! Be careful! That’s not a sparring weapon!”

Birthday: "My birthday? Fall 26. Born just before the end of the best season. Yes, fall is the best season. Objectively true."

Day of the Bright Sun: “I wanna take a closer look at the airship, but every time I look up, I’m conked in the head by a present…”

Showdown at High Noon: “Sparring is supposed to be safe, but we’re still swinging stone weapons around… Oh, and Qi might be slow, but that hammer is still 100% steel. Don’t get bonked.”

Day of Memories: “Who am I remembering? Well, I don’t know what kind of person they were. I don’t even know their name. All I know is that they lived a long, long time ago…and I see their face every time I look in the mirror.”

Tour de Rock: “I think most of the budget for Sandapalooza goes into injury compensation. And lawyer’s fees. For uh, the injury lawsuits. But um…you didn’t hear that from me.”

Running of the Yakmel: “Horses, I can handle. Yakmel, I can’t.”

Winter Solstice: [with a full mouth] “Mmm, hey. Have you tried this kebab? It’s really good!”

Loved gifts:

Floating galaxy: “Oooooh, look at this! It’s so pretty! You can look at the stars whenever you want! Thank you!”

Potted plants: “Aw, look at this little guy. I’ll be sure to take good care of it. What? Am I gonna give it a name? I’m a human named after a plant. Little guy’s already got a name, haha!”

Liked gifts:

Other relics: “Oh, this is cool. Where’d you find it? What do you suppose it was used for?”

Dishes she likes (e.g. beef noodles, sour and spicy potato): “Did you make this yourself? Smells really good. Thanks.”

Tea leaves or summer sand tea: “Never drank that much tea until I met Qi. Now I actually really like it. Thanks! I’ll be sure to share some with him too, if you don’t mind.”

Materials she likes (e.g. steel bars): “Oh, sweet Sunlight, you’re my savior. These things are a ton of work to get for how much I need.”

Neutral gifts: “For me? Oh. Thanks…?”

Disliked gifts:

Desert mushrooms or dishes with mushrooms: “Eh…mushrooms? Not a big fan, sorry. Beans might like it, though…”

Most accessories: “Hm… Looks cute, but it’s not really my thing. Sorry.”

Hated gifts: “…There are more civil ways of sending a message. Like using your words, for instance. Like an adult would do.”

Complimenting appearance: “Aw, thanks! Pablo says my hair and my fashion sense are boring, but maybe I like it boring, Pablo! It’s practical. And my hair is already great without anything extra.”

Complimenting work: “Hey, that…that really means a lot. Back in Highwind, being a small fry builder was such a thankless job to have. Even if one person is appreciating what I do…then it’s all worth it. Thank you.”

Complimenting personality: “Oh! Uh, thank you! Not sure what else I can say. I’m just me, y’know?”

Asked about her past:

“I’m a clone. Test tube baby. No, seriously! Some researcher found an Old World lab one day and there was baby me, chilling in a tube of goo. There were a bunch of other babies exactly like me in the same place. We were all adopted out eventually, to my knowledge. There’s another Wis in Portia, but I don’t know where the others ended up…”

“I had another workshop back in Highwind. Wasn’t very much, just a humble little shack. But it was mine. And I loved it. …And then I ran out of money.”

The first thing I made when I graduated from the Builder Academy was the sign outside my workshop. Made from local pine wood. I kept it even after my old workshop closed. Now it’s hanging outside my new workshop!”

“Things started getting kinda heated back in Highwind a year or two after my workshop went out of business. Apparently a lot of us newcomers were pretty quickly getting run out of business. We yelled and screamed at the Commerce Guild and the city government, but it only amounted to an audit of the Commerce Guild. An internal audit. Surprise surprise, nothing wrong, apparently.”

Asked about work:

“You ever notice how some people always want certain things commissioned? Like how the Civil Corps always needs canvas for some reason? I usually keep a stockpile of those materials so I can crank the stuff out a lot quicker when the commissions hit the board.”

“I always keep my eye out for anything that looks like a relic piece when I mine for ore. That and the rats…”

Asked what she likes to do:

“I thought I wasn’t going to be using my camera a whole lot after I restored it, but I’m actually kinda into using it these days. I like to take pictures of the plant and animal life around here. Makes it seem like less of a wasteland. Okay, most of it is a wasteland…but not all of it.”

“It’s not everyone’s cup of tea, but I honestly like reassembling relics by hand. Yeah, yeah, the restoration machine does a better job of it, but it’s fun trying to treat it like a puzzle, y’know?”

“Some nights, I like to park myself somewhere quiet and with a good view of the sky. And I just watch the stars for a while. Good thing about living in a desert is that ‘somewhere’ is pretty much everywhere.”

“I got so excited about gardening that I planted all the seeds I had at once. Uh…pro tip: don’t do that. Unless you want to spend hundreds on water every week. At least Burgess knows it’s all going to growing stuff and not getting wasted.”

Asked about her favorite things:

“I really like relics. Finding them, restoring them, studying them… Most of the stuff in the ground is pretty benign, unlike what some people think. And even if it wasn’t, it’s still important to acknowledge that they exist.”

“Um…I’d say plants, but I’ve got plenty of those to take care of already.”

“It’s always a good day whenever I can get my hands on extra materials.”

#my time at sandrock #mtas #mtas builder #mtas wisteria #mtas oc #other shady business #long post #i have a couple mission reaction dialogues but since there's no good way to censor spoilers i took them off :P

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ladyswillmart · 1 month ago

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2024 Writing In Review

I went ahead and answered some of the questions in this post! Mostly just the ones I can actually answer. Here we go:

One.) How many fics have you worked on since January?

Uhh. Two. Maybe three if ya count the massive AU timeline? I wrote a few small fictiony posts too but I wouldn't call them fics.

Two.) What’s something new that you tried in a fic this year?

I wrote a multi-chapter fic and made a website for it. I liked designing the site and adding pictures, and most of all I like having my own space to put my stuff!

Three.) What piece of media inspired you the most? (This can be the fandom you wrote the most for, the one that spawned the most ideas, the one you thought about the most, etc.)

Actually I think I wrote/thought about LotRO the most this year. Moria was such a surprise for me, I ended up really enjoying that part of the game's story. Unfortunately I haven't been playing it lately since the last major update completely borked my UI and as of today it still hasn't been fixed…

Four.) How many fandom(s) did you write for this year?

I wrote for Ultima VII Pt. 2 and a tiny bit for LotRO and I think that was it! Surprisingly no FF14 despite having a new expac. It was fine, I just don't have much to say about it, fic-wise.

Five.) What ship(s) captured your heart?

I don't really do ships, sorry. 😛

Six.) What character(s) captured your heart?

Princess Zelda from Echoes of Wisdom. She is so adorable! What a cute game! I don't know why I've never tried writing Zelda fanfic honestly.

Seven.) Did you write for any new fandoms or ships this year?

Nah.

Eight.) What fic meant the most to you to write?

Probably Ancient History because it also got me to work on a couple other non-fic things (website, timeline, etc) that I'd wanted to do for a long time.

Nine.) What fic made you feel the happiest to work on?

The ethically dubious wizard-turned-chicken POV one I just finished drafting (Ultima VII Pt. 2 again). It was the first thing I'd written in several months, plus I just like writing from weird PoVs I guess.

Ten.) What fic was the most satisfying to finish writing?

The chicken one. Felt like scratching a very annoying itch!

Fifteen.) What was the hardest fic to title?

LOL I still haven't come up with a title for the chicken story.

Nineteen.) Share your favorite piece of dialogue

"A crowd, eh? Eh, look, Morty! Looks like the gang's all here!" the thief observed, warmly. "Hooray!" "Looks like the gang would have our guts for garters, Stefano," Mortegro replied through his teeth.

Twenty.) Share your funniest line

I feel like this isn't up for me to decide. 🤔

Twenty-One.) What's something that surprised you while you were working on a fic? Did it change the story?

While writing Ancient History, I ended up feeling kinda more sorry for the story's antagonist than anything (though make no mistake, he is still a complete blister). I think maybe it did change the timbre of his parts of the story a little bit? My notes on him looked like this:

Torrissio: He has a burning ambition to learn as much as he can about the Ophidian people… Partially to recover their lost magics, many of which are very potent and dangerous (and now banned by the UCoTL, ala Elissa's Time Prism spell). But also, he really is just THAT interested in Ophidian lore. This in itself is not a bad thing, but his single-minded desire to learn as much as he can leads him to behave ruthlessly in this regard. He does not care who he hurts so long as he gets what he wants in the end. That said, although he wants to collect all these terrible, evil spells, it's not so much that he has designs on using them to Take Over The World or what have you. He does not care what others think or expect of him, and he has no other ambitions beyond the pursuit of knowledge. He is thus rather apathetic towards civic matters. The only person whom he ever really cared about is Columna, who is now dead. His actions are tinged with grief; he is drinking a lot.

So yeah, he ended up being more pathetic than anything. I might like to write him a little more some day.

Twenty-Two.) What writing programs did you use? Did you write by hand?

I use Scrivener to organize files afterwards but I actually write fics out in Notepad++, in their intended HTML files with markup. Saves a lot of time in the end.

Twenty-Four.) Did you do anything special to celebrate finishing a fic?

Finishing the story is its own reward!! LOL

Twenty-Five.) How did you recharge between fics?

After finishing Ancient History, I barely wrote anything at all for months. It kinda burned me out I guess. I don't know if this counts as recharging. Mostly I just got really antsy about it!

Twenty-Six.) Did you create fanworks other than fic?

Yes! I made a very cool timeline for my Serpent Isle AU. I also fleshed out a new backstory for Sethys, and I wrote some LotRO posts and more Hivallion stuff.

Twenty-Eight.) If this were an awards show, who would you thank

Advil and coffee… The breakfast of champions!

Twenty-Nine.) What's left on your to-do list for 2024?

Not writing but I'm trying to finish some plastic canvas bird ornaments. I'm 2/3rds of the way there! I also MIGHT try to put my newer Ultima stuff up on AO3. Maaaaaaybe…

Thirty.) What would you like to write next year?

Maybe more Ultima fics? I set up my timeline specifically to accommodate one-shots (like the Chicken story) so I'd like to do more of those, I guess. On a related note, I'd also like to try to be kinder to myself.

#I wrote the numbers out like that to stop that annoying auto-formatting that Tumblr does #also it looks like during the time i wrote this post my UI in lotro has been fixed ... very strange!!

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c0smiccom3t · 1 year ago

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Dimension Dyfenders Update!! (9/20/23)

HEY, HEY, it's September! You know what that means! (read the above)

Hello D.D fandom, hello followers, mutuals, friends and hello people who curiously stumbled upon this post. You all know who i am, but for those who don't, let me introduce myself. My name's Comet. I'm the co-creator and main artist in the indie webcomic series Dimension Dyfenders! As of right now, i'm attending art school and trying my best to work more on the webcomic while also attending on my studies and get better grades. Now, you might ask, "Comet, what's going on with this series now?", "Why haven't been there more pocket adventures minisode 1 parts lately?" Well, i got the answers right here! First of all, let's start with the most obvious one... The Pocket Adventures situation.

Now, Pocket Adventures hasnt been online as of late, no next parts were being published, and im very sorry for that. The cause for it is the loss of motivation i had, which made me not work on it for a long while. Even when making new panels i feel extremely tired. Feeling like i should do something else (heck, i feel insecure about its panels when i draw them!) But fret not, that doesn't mean Pocket Adventures is getting cancelled. We still have loads of plans on the table and we can't wait to roll them out. But for now, we're taking a break due to IRL situations for example, art school. We, the team, have lives outside of making d.d content. We need to get our degrees and, well, try to survive life. But no worries, because I got plans to get back on D.D P.A Minisode 1 and finish it completely once winter break hits. As long as my motivation gets out of its hibernation phase. But still, i can't wait for you all to see the conclusion to minisode 1. (I just hope you dont mind if i jump right into the 'new designs' in the next pages)

Speaking of minisodes, I've been thinking of releasing minisodes only once a year than every saturday. Though this decision is not final yet. I don't want clout, in fact, i just wanna do what I love. Create stories and comics for everybody to enjoy. But if you guys would love for a minisode to release once a year or once in 3 months, let me know your opinions! Your criticism helps this series, especially its production, grow better!

Now, for the second and final question you may have asked… Thing is, Nothing has changed! But well, if you know me on my social media for my recent Crash Bandicoot fanart, then you might notice that Crash 4: It's About Time, especially it's artbook (and concept art by Nicola Saviori)... Has affected my artstyle, DRASTICALLY. So. The characters, of course, have went through some changes. I'd like to call this new artstyle... "The TFB Effect". As a matter of fact, Dimension Dyfenders (both its miniseries and full series) is going to have a brand new, more cartoony, zanier than ever artstyle! Don't believe me? See for yourselves. Starting with the main ones!

I decided to add a little bit of the good ol' Squash and Stretch to the characters to make them stand out more in the next comics. So of course, some of the colors have changed, especially designs and bodytypes. Oh, and not just that, our heroes have some new stuff, too! For example: Knockout's Dyfender Element is now refered as "Quantum Strenght", Paintdrop's is called "Cosmic Creativity" and Speedrunner's is called "Light Speed". Neat upgrades, eh? (Still, criticism is accepted.) Anyway, notice that in the first picture above there's something that says: "Dyfender Mode", right? Well, if you see that, that's because we are introducing something brand new to our heroes. Called: Omni-modes.

Now, "what are Omni-modes?", you may ask? Well, Omni-modes are modes that are set on the Dyfenders' Dy-watches, you may see that the Omni-Modes are, of course, the Dyfenders' alternate hero forms, to help them take on a mission in a different, more suitable form. When the day needs to be saved during night time (and rarely past bedtime), they activate Night Mode. For sunny beach days but still wanting to make sure nobody figures out their secret identities, Acqua Mode will be at their service. There are tons of different Omni-Modes to be shown (Especially, Pride mode, which was shown on this year's pride post.) So, yeah. Omni-modes will be shown in both the miniseries AND the full series!

Oh! And refering to characters, we can't forget about our main bad guys! Oh, you know, the Dajo-Crew? They got a bit of a make over to fit to the current artstyle! (ft. the updated height chart):

Now that we got that out of the way. let's just head over what will the future of the series look like as of right now. Starting off with the full series and pocket adventures. As said before, Dimension Dyfenders' artstyle changed. But that doesn't mean everything changed, things may be different (the more cartoony artstyle and the sillier tone), but nothing about the series has changed! And that means..

MORE POCKET ADVENTURES IS HAPPENING, THAT'S RIGHT! MORE D.D CONTENT COMING THIS WAY!

As for right now, D.D Minisode 1 may still be in development as we speak, but one thing that's completed right now is the script! Now that its finally finished, all thats left, is the panel and comic page-making (hopefully you wont mind the sudden character design changes, though.)! But in the meantime! We got some sneak peaks for not just one of the panels from the next minisode 1 pages, but also a never-seen before panel from the next minisodes of pocket adventures! (notice: some of these are not final and may change in the final product.)

That's not all! this franchise has got some new stuff coming in during it's run. We got so many plans, but this is the only thing we can show about said plans:

As you can see, you're gonna see some new characters in pocket adventures. While in the full series, you'll get some new characters too. Except... New baddies will be only in the full series, while in the miniseries then later in the animated series... You'll get to meet some new allies! So, keep your eyes peeled for them! And we hope you like them as much as we do.

Now, D.D has never shown a sign of stopping, even during hiatuses, so im happy to announce that more Pocket Adventures will be on their way after Minisode 1 has completed production! We're thinking of putting the upload dates on hold (which means, minisode 2 is delayed until further notice, sorry guys.). So please be patient when waiting for new minisodes.

And speaking of patience... I think I got a little something to keep you guys busy with while you wait... Introducing…

DIMENSION DYFENDERS TOONIES!

Now, you may be wondering: "What is THIS?" D.D.T (Dimension Dyfenders Toonies for long), is a brand new miniseries of comic strips that comes out during the weekends. (Starting in October, the end of september, or during the holiday season! No promises, though.) It's a little something i can make up while you guys wait for the next Pocket Adventures Minisodes. Oh yeah, here's one of the cover for it, too! It's not much, but i know you guys would go NUTS for it:

This will be about how the Dyfenders handle their superhero and school lives in everyday situations. (No worries, the action isn't gone. There might be some strips about school, but there will be more strips about their superhero lives, guarantee!). It's also about what The Dajo-Crew does when they aren't invading dimensions, get into some shenanigans at the castle and also when they plot evil schemes. some strips will be either original with a new short story or a recreation of old strips from phase 1 (not a final decision of course, but you can tell us if you like this idea)! One thing to point out is that some of the strips might take place before some minisodes, now thats another thing to notice, right? And that's the only "spoiler" I can give. So, sorry, no more! OH! And for any of you voice actors reading this who are like: "Wow, i wonder when this series will get a comic dub / animated series. If i'm lucky enough i might be able to voice act for it!" … Boy, do we have a treat for you all. Which will be posted in a few hours. both on bird app, bluesky, insta and on here! The only thing I have to announce is that during the d.d stuff's production and during art school, i'm not gonna be online on social media. (until during normal/long weekends and festive days.), but no worries, the series is still alive and kicking, even when there aren't posts about it for a few months! Though, in some days, i'll be able to make and share some art for it! You're all in for a wild ride for these months and for 2024! Oh, and about Dajo's account. I'm planning to bring it back. But, Dajo is currently busy conquering Dimensions, but I can assure he hasn't abandoned Sinstagram completely. You'll see more of his influencer side, too. Both in his Sinstagram and in the upcoming strips! (And perhaps in some mini– OOPS! TOO MUCH!) That's all for now! Thank you all for your support on the series, don't forget to share your fan creations of the series in DMs or tag me and the team in your masterpieces, share it with your family and friends, subscribe to the series on Comicfury, and follow me on Tumblr, bluesky, bird app and Instagram if you wish to support the project even outside of comicfury! Once again, thank you all in this slowly-growing small fandom for all of your support, and i hope you're all excited for what's to come! If you have any questions, please drop them on my tumblr askbox, Which i'll be able to answer during the weekends. That's all, back to the offline study and sleep abyss for me. GOODBYE!

#dimension dyfenders #webcomic #indie project #comics #announcement #dimension dyfenders updates #dajo stuns in new selfie /j #art #artists on tumblr #webcomics #ocs #original characters #webtoons #superheroes #cartoons #comic strips #official update #demon ocs #this is a new tag for artists

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microknifeyuri · 2 years ago

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Beware of HybridAlex17.

CW: Guilt-tripping, Suicide Baiting, Manipulation, Stalking, Identity Theft, Death Threats. Please read this. It is very important.

Hello, I usually don't make these type of posts, but lately I've been too stressed to even be here on Tumblr due to a certain individual in The Lego Movie Fandom. And that person is @/HybridAlex17.

Weeks ago, I decided to cut ties with this person on a calm way due to the fact that I genuinely couldn't keep the friendship going on any longer. Truth is that this friendship made me feel like I was trapped.

I'm in no way invalidating his trauma and suffering, and of course, I will always try to help my friends in times of need, but Alex constantly needed me to "comfort him" and basically be there for him all of the time, making me responsible of his emotions since he's an very unstable person "who would think of the worst case scenario happening to me" if I didn't told him what I was doing at the moment. Of course, friendships are meant to work through bad and good times. But there's moments where you should realize that you have limits. I had mine.

And I couldn't possibly just stay any longer in a relationship where it felt like I had to take care of someone. That's not what I'm looking for. It never was. I felt unsafe and constantly scared about what he could do to himself if I said the wrong thing, as he was constantly feeling bad about everything. And call me what you want, but I realized that, I do not want to be there. But even then, I didn't have any hard feelings towards him. I genuinely wished him the best and to get better, but I couldn't be there to see that change. My mental health mattered. So I spoke to him very calmly about it, reassuring him that I do not hate him and I just wanted to cut our ties peacefully.

(At the moment, I censored his name to protect his identity. This was before I blocked him.)

Then, in reply, he guilt-tripped me, wishing that I never met him, that he died that one time, that this never happened, and everything. Despite me having high hopes for him to actually react properly, he didn't. So I ended up blocking him in all of his accounts and just calling it a day, because I didn't want to think of it. Sounds pretty fair by now, right?

Well, the story does not end there. Some more days later, he would then tag me on a PUBLIC POST (because he couldn't just DM me, I guess), apologizing for taking it too personally and for everything in spanish. I spoke to my friends about this at the moment because I really didn't feel like it was genuine. You would never post an apology towards someone unless you would want them to feel pressured to reply to you, right? Well then, because he did this already MORE THAN ONE TIME with me. I blocked him because I really didn't want to deal with it. It was tiring and I was hoping that he would just give up.

(This account of his does no longer exist.)

But then, here comes the impersionation thing. Three days ago, my friends sent me an blog that was weirdly similar to mine. Lucy icon and the description, eh, ya' know. Very fucking basic. And look at the URL. A mix of the words Max and Philippa but changed to spell Philippines.

And if that does not convince you, then take a look at this post.

"Android Emmet AU".

I swear to fucking God.

You guys might or might not know that I'm the creator of the Android Rex AU, I created it on June 22 of the past year, being the second AU I've ever made. So he didn't only just made a weird puppet of me to pretend that we're still friends, he's STEALING THE WHOLE THING AND TRYING TO MAKE OTHERS THINK THAT IT IS AN ACCOUNT OF MINE.

But seriously though. Come on. He's not fooling anyone. It's an pathetic imitation of who I am, of what can I do. He's acting like he knows me enough, but he never even tried to. He could never replace me. He will never get me back. And he knows it. He knows it so well.

Yesterday, it was my birthday. Of course, it was a great day for me. But various anonymus asks came in for me then. The first ones were kind ones, but then, there were some that straight up wished that I was never born and that I died! And hey! Not to assume! But that was Alex in different accounts! Because he literally stopped once I turned the anonymus off and one of my friends stood up for me!

And you can see this by scrolling through my blog just a bit!

And once he realized that he fucked up, because they thought that this friend of mine didn't have any relation with me (despite the fact that I do have posts where I drew their guys), he blocked them and "apologized". Can't even take responsability for such a messed up thing.

And he just didn't stop there. Wishing me death? Expected it. But how did he know that it was my birthday? Because I blocked him before I ever publically told it. And that's when it hit me. An alt account. And someone sent me a post in which he drew Android Rex and Joseph, two of the main characters of my AU for my birthday, saying that he wishes the best for me and stuff.

I never fucking told you when my birthday was. You could have never possibly known unless you were stalking me over an account. You use alternative accounts to boost your own art and don't even try to deny it. People will realize once they take a look. So many empty accounts. Instead of moving on and just fucking accepting that I cut ties with you because you made me feel scared of even entering this app, and learning from your mistakes, you're being a fucking creepy man. And don't deny it. You've done this to a bunch of people here. My close friends were affected by your shit.

And I know that you're going to see this.

And just so you know, since you crave my attention so fucking much to the point where you created a fake account that was "me" so you could still think that nothing happened, let me tell you something.

I was never angry at you. I stated that I wanted to cut ties because I couldn't be in such a toxic relationship. I respected you as a person. But then you tried to make me feel bad about my choice. About everything I do. Because that's what you're good for. Is this how you treat your friends? Because Good Lord. Seeing your true colors makes me think that we were never really friends since the start.

And even then? I'm not angry at you.

I'm disappointed.

And I already hit my favor quota on saying this in the most harmless of ways possible, but I'm feeling generous. So. Like. Have some dignity, would you? Don't be an asshole. Move on. I already did.

I hoped that you would move on. But you never learn anything, do you? You said how much you cared about me back then. I guess death treats, constantly stalking someone, and impersonating them is your way to care.

I will never be your friend.

And to those who read this post, please, do not harass HybridAlex17. As much damage he has done, he's not worth it. What I would be thankful of is that you guys report the fake account he made of me, since I can't do it myself. And let others know about him and his doings.

If you're a friend of HybridAlex17, then I'm deeply sorry. I do not have any hard feelings towards you, but I would rather not interact with anyone who is.

And with this, I'm done. Take care, all of you.

#max speaks #beware of #please reblog so more people can know about this

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itscocochuu-blog · 7 months ago

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Starting (Over?)

First off, Yippeeee.. Here's the First Post!!

It's 2024 and like the previous years, a lot of what I initially planned for myself did not push through. I started the year with a bunch of goals and stuff that I thought I was gonna be able to get up and going and start making progress with throughout the year, but..

Life happens. About around late February or March, I could already feel my mental health start to decline again little by little; the most notable sign for me is usually the intense time blindness and when the days start melting together and I can't tell how much time has passed anymore. Another thing would be the intense bedrot, where if I wasn't working or doing something around the house, I would just spend all my free time in bed or asleep. I didn't even want to do things like draw or play games anymore. It got worse by April where it hit the hardest and I had a bad relapse that took some time to recover from.

Then around the last week of April, I decided: I'm Tired. I'm tired of being stuck in bed feeling sad and miserable. I'm tired of being stuck where I am because of my fear of doing things because I'm already thinking of the many ways it could fail and go south.

So, what did I do? I took the first few steps out of my comfort zone: I started building a new me; making a new persona and actually write down things that I wanted to do and planned them out. I was trying to envision and dream about things I was looking forward to doing again. I made new accounts, I looked for software alternatives that were easily accessible for me and my current setup and I did a lot of research for things I didn't know how to do yet.

And now voila! ✨

Here's one of the few things I decided to finally do: Create a blog where I could document and talk about things that I learn on this (sort of) new journey or just yap about.

I'm not new to social media or the internet, I've been through those things for years at this point, but the thing that'll be new(ish?) for me is to actually document and post about things. See, I have a tendency to save or make stuff, but I never really share them with anyone but myself and a few close friends. I did it a while back around pandemic but then I felt too pressured to continue so I deleted a bunch of things from a lot of my socials.

No more of that. ❌

I was always thinking "eh, this isn't really worth posting anyway.." so I never posted anything. My IRL accounts are pretty much empty except for shared content from other people, never my own.

So, here's to starting over and trying again. ✨

I have a vague idea of the things I want to happen, and I'm doing my best right now planning everything out despite all the roadblocks!

I'm both really excited and really nervous but I'll do my best to have fun on this journey. ❣️

#coco yaps and rambles

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tips-from-a-tech-worker · 1 year ago

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It's been some time, eh?

Howdy folks! It's been some time since I last properly posted on here, huh?

Just as a warning, I am going to be getting into some deeply personal stuff, as well as deeply distressing stuff relating to myself and wider society, so if you're not in the right place for that, I suggest you skip past this.

Firstly, I just want to say thanks so much for all of you still engaging with this rarely updated page. I post maybe once a year, and a lot of the time it isn't even anything to do with what I originally created this page for: to show off code that I thought was particularly pretty, or code that made something particularly pretty.

I still enjoy all that stuff, no doubt about it. But I've honestly found it quite tricky to be enthusiastic about writing code at the moment.

For context, I work at a university developing apps and websites for medical research. That sounds quite valuable and fulfilling right? I mean I thought so too for such a long time. But lately, I've been having my doubts.

A lot of what we do make creates so much added overhead for doctors, where they already barely have time to see patients as it is. It also adds so much overhead to the lives of patients who engage with these apps. Most of our apps are for mental health help, and our research studies show that participants always engage and love it.. But they're research participants.. They're already self-selecting to be engaged and interested. As it turns out, a lot of mentally unwell people do not have the capacity for any of the stuff we make - myself included!

On top of not feeling like my work is contributing - on the contrary, it feels like it is making things worse - universities here are, in practice, dictated by private interests and the "market", whatever the hell that is. It is nominally funded by the government, but they largely do not do that. Because of this, they run as businesses.

Oh, your department isn't profitable anymore despite doing incredibly important work? Well, the market says you gotta go. You and 10,000 people who work there.

Some academic staff have half an hour of free time in the middle of the day? Well, that obviously means that we can fire a tonne of admin and put all that labour onto the backs of the researchers.

Oh, we fired all the cleaners at the beginning of the pandemic, but now things have opened again we have no cleaners? Well the students can handle that one! That's free labour!

It's all a bit maddening.

On top of all that as well, our university has decided that rather than solve any of these issues, it's going to ignore them, on top of many other issues of racism, transphobia, homophobia, antisemitism, islamophobia, you name it! All this, in the face of raking in millions in profits every year.

I know a lot of that is nothing to do with software development, but as software development is part of my job, and my job is within the university, you might imagine that this leaves a slightly awful taste in my mouth.

What stings even more is that I thought working in the university was the preferable choice. I worked in a couple of privately ran tech companies a while ago, and it was hell on earth. And now, finding out that the supposed "escape route" is also as bad.. Code is the last thing on my mind. It's the last thing I want on my mind.

Just a bit about me. I am a non-binary person. I've known this all my life, despite not really having the language to describe it. Since I was very young, every encounter I had with "gender" REALLY distressed me for some reason. I had put it down to patriarchy, sexism, all that horrible stuff, and for a large part that was true. Like all that stuff is SUPER distressing. But it didn't explain the whole picture.

Over the pandemic I had time to properly sit down and reflect on myself and my identity - and SO much more but I'm trying to keep things focussed here! I finally put a pin in it, and that helped so much. A lot of the gender distress, whilst still there as background noise, went away. Clouds were lifted. ...Until now clouds found their way in..

Not sure if anyone is aware, but the UK (yes sorry I'm British) is a deeply transphobic society - well, at least the parts of it you are allowed to see through the lens of the privately owned media. Discovering, or at least admitting to myself, that I was non-binary was a huge step forward into the gaze of this society. A society whose public conversation is largely captured by transphobic actors. Lord Alan Sugar - ruling class in every aspect, JK Rowling - a castle owning bigot who wrote a few books that people seem fixated on, almost the entirety of the Conservative and Labour party, just about every newspaper column that exists (including the supposedly progressive ones).

On top of that, none of these people who are in control of society, or at least have a lot of influence over it, seem to want to do anything about the existential problems we're facing. Climate change, multiple health crises, poverty, etc. You name it, god forbid they action anything to resolve this.

But what has this got to do with coding? Well not much honestly.. But whilst all this is rattling in my head, and I am trapped making code for people that do not care about me - or at worst, actively want to see me removed from society - and I'm making code that doesn't do anything useful, I know I'm not doing anything that could help all this. I'm too shattered after a day of doing a job I hate to do anything positive.

I've taken the last month or so off work on sick leave, and honestly I am tempted to take more off. The ONE good thing about working at the university is it's sick leave policy. As an employee of 3 or more years, I am entitled to 6 months sick leave at full pay. I feel like I should probably make use of that, eh?

But during my time off I have been focusing on myself. Playing video games, streaming a bit, and hey, even faffing around with bits of code! But also..

I don't know if it's obvious from my videos - I mean, you'll have probably figured this out from this very post - but I am very politically engaged to say the least. And over the years of seeing issue after issue not being addressed by people supposedly there to help us, I've come to the conclusion that we should probably start helping ourselves. We live in a society where everything is dictated by a few very rich individuals, and the majority of us have to just accept whatever decree is issued upon us. I don't particularly think that this is a fair, just, or even effective structure of society. And over the past few years I've come to the realisation that it doesn't have to be.

Society is built and maintained by people who do the work. Farmers, mechanics, shop assistants, doctors, firefighters, teachers, and yes even coders. We spend our lives answering to a series of bosses telling us what to do, how to do our jobs, when we should work, when we should go home, and things really do not have to be this way.

As a bare minimum, I have become quite the advocate of worker-cooperatives. That is, companies that are owned, managed, and ran entirely by the people who work at them. There are quite a few examples of this across the planet but the largest of which is Mondragon.

But I don't necessarily think that is enough to fix the issues in the world. Sure, they help in the immediate. Give workers a chance to be able to control their lives, make a decent living, etc. But workers-cooperatives still have to engage in "the market" - again, nobody has explicitly told me what this is yet. But because they do, then the threat of climate collapse is still there. Some of you might have clicked as to where I'm going with this.

To put it plainly, I am a communist. Now already that is conjuring some fantastical image in your minds of a glorious (or despotic) workers' republic, men with big beards, and big red stars (which personally I am at least a little sympathetic to but I get why people would be hesitant of this). I just wanted to dispel a few myths whilst I'm here.

I advocate and am actively trying to help build a society where everyone in a community - be that a workplace, where a group of people live, or where a group of people play - has an equal say in how that community is ran. History has thousands of examples of collectively ran communities from early civilization right up to the modern day. And whilst none of them were particularly perfect (nothing ever is), they put people in a position where if an issue came up, people could coordinate and try and resolve this issue.

To do this, I am actively involved in IWW union organising. I think the best way for workers to gain collective and equal control of society is by capturing it one workplace at a time so that each and every workplace is fair to the people who do the majority of the work.

But what does this have to do with climate change? With transphobia? Any of it? Well, as said before, a lot of our society is owned by some very rich individuals who will do anything they can to keep hold of what they got. These people aren't inherently "evil" or whatever. But the system of which we exist in encourages them to hold onto what they have by any means necessary. To do this, and they might not even realise they're doing it, they will try and make sure that everyone else is at each others throats by pushing transphobia, racism, all that horrible stuff.

As well as this, those individuals often have friends who own the coal industries, the oil industries, the gas industries, etc, etc. All of whom make their living off those pollutants. It is in their interest to make sure those industries make money. They're not going to change their minds because that is how they survive. But were society controlled by everyone, especially those who would be actively affected by climate change, then something could actually be done.

Okay. But what the HELL does this have to do with coding? Well.. It was a starting point for me. It led to all these thoughts. All these realisations. I started thinking about what I was doing, what I was making. Then I thought about why I was doing it, why my boss wanted me to do it. Then kept expanding from there. Eventually, it painted this whole picture.

I know by this point I will have lost a lot of you. Some people will have immediately seen the long post and gone "Nah, I ain't reading that" and honestly I don't blame you. Some people will have seen the word "communist" and flown off into a rage-induced coma. Again, I don't necessarily disparage people from reacting like that in the face of everything people are told about communists. But I felt that saying all this in the open was appropriate. Every year it feels like we're coming closer and closer to collapse. We can already see it around us. Wear and tear. Cracks slowly expanding. And nobody is doing much to stop it. People are barely pointing at the cracks. Some people are insisting they've always been there, or that they're not there at all. I NEED people to know, and to do something, and to want to do something.

Congrats for making this far. I know the tail end of this has gone into a bit of a poorly structured ramble (as if the rest wasn't..). All this to basically say, I don't think I want to use this page to show off code. I think it can be much more useful than that.

From here on, the posts you will see here will relate to community organising (mostly workplace union organising) and practical things people can do to try and gain some sort of control.

I understand that this will upset, confuse, and even anger some people. But I need to do this for myself. But not only that, I want to do this for everyone else.

Feel free to unfollow, ask questions, do whatever. But please understand that things are getting a bit desperate.

Once again, thank you all so much for all the support and interest over the years. I started this in 2014/15 when I was in a bit of a pit of dispair and wanted to show off something I was passionate about to keep the darkness at bay, and you all helped so much with that. I don't think I'll ever forget this community, but I must move on.

Stay safe, and solidarity. xox

P.S. Apologies for the typos. I was going to run through this a second time. But I REALLY just want it all off my chest now. We can work through it together if need be. <3

#code #software development #update #me #personal #ramble #tumblr #community organising #lgbt #nonbinary

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ezamevolni · 2 years ago

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Cryptic: Biggest Concern

Hi!!!

I haven't done a real post in so long TT I miss writing!! I vowed to do some properly this week but forces of the universe are at work to stop me (fever...forgot my hard disk...broke my laptop :')) But I finally got a few days of vacation! YAY! What better to do when sick and free, than to write about Jinkook eh?

So I'm doing a shorter (?) post on something I don't think I've seen many people commenting on. Of course, I could be chronically overthinking if I'm the only one that picked it up? haha. 🙂

JinJunMin~ Making Salad (3.13.2021)

Anyways, this instance is rather loosely connected to Jungkook 🧚🏼‍♀️

For context and relevancy: BTS were frequently doing unit Vlives after they were grounded since the start of 2020. They had less public activities so 'prescheduled' Vlives were an avenue for them to see fans, and for fans to see them. Sometimes the Vlives were fun because the members were absorbed into doing the activity of the day, other times it's fun when they find camaraderie in their shared reluctance to be there.

This salad making session demonstrated the latter - Jin already ate before the live, Minimoni were not salad fans so this trio by all means were just attending as part of their jobs. Happy to be there? That's asking too much lol.

For more specific context, the trio had been on the verge of an argument fallen into silence several times and were giving each other a hard time randomly jumping from topic to topic throughout the live.

When Jin was sarcastically hyping up the plate of chicken breast to the camera, RM abruptly decided to ask him how he had been doing.

The question seemed to stump Jin for a few moments,

Jin was stuttering, stalling, and racking his brain for something to say, then eventually landed on a work schedule as his answer. Then Jimin and Namjoon both chimed in about how they've been practicing for Grammys and actually saw each other the day before.

An assumption on my part, but Jin likely first thought about the section of his life that Namjoon didn't know about - off-work hours - and was filtering through for what he could talk about. I think gaming could have been a great answer. But Jin was caught off-guard, so I don't know if that affected his fibbing skills.

It could be something or could be nothing.

But the following in the middle of the live was quite the interesting convo:

The conversation had stopped and started a few times by now and Jin was filling in by talking about something salad related.

He brought up how some of the other members had salad recently.

Namjoon was paying close attention to what Jin was saying because he parroted him when he listed "Yoongi" and "Jungkookie"

RM: (nodding and repeating) "...Jungkookie."

And after a brief second of contemplation, Namjoon went ahead and asked, "Hyung, don't you have any concerns lately?"

Jin seemed to immediately know what he was referring to and answered, "For concerns, there's just the one thing."

Jimin seemed in the know about this as well.

Humming in agreement, nodding and suppressing a grin.

By now Jin had laid down his chopsticks. I think he knew what Joon was referring to. It was a pretty vague question, but it seemed like it had a pointed answer.

However since Jin didn't elaborate, Namjoon probed further.

If you've watched enough BTS interviews, you'd know the signs instantly whenever they all simultaneously think of something they can't say on camera and start smiling like weirdos.

Jin was still chewing but he was gearing up. He's about to say it.

As he went, "Of course," ...

that was met with instant censorship from Jimin ("Let's just stop, hyung").

I also noticed Namjoon's knowing expressions while he was waiting and listening:

Annnnnd of course, we don't get the real answer from Jin who said,

"I don't have Army in front of me during concerts."

Joon was laughing after hearing the line. Jimin also hadn't looked at the camera once since this conversation started.

And we know Jin just lied improvised a new answer because he retorted back at Joon,

There is another answer. There is another 'concern'.

He almost said it 🤌🏼 Just let it all go and say it Seokjin.. what's there to hide 😩

After Jin gave his answer, RM decided not to probe further since he knew the nature of that other answer. It can't be said anyway. So they agreed on 'armys not being there in person as a very important concern'.

And Jin of course turned the tables on Joon when he could

Ok, whatever this 'concern' was, it's very specific and I guess RM also had a similar ongoing issue that Jin knew about?

So to recap:

Jin mentioned Yoongi and Jungkook's names, Namjoon heard, repeated Jungkook's name and suddenly posed the question 'any recent concerns'.

Jin did have a major one which apparently everyone (but us) knew about. And it can't be said on camera. And the thought of it makes them giggle.

Lastly, RM seemed to have a similar concern.

So 🙂 I don't have an answer for what the mystery concern is, but I do have ideas. They are probably similar to your ideas right now. Or maybe we all have no idea.

But wouldn't it be funny if one of us was right ;)

Ultimately, if you want any take aways from this cryptic conversation, is that they tend to giggle a lot whenever they touch on topics related to ermhmm, taboo topics. It's not sad, dark or serious, but taboo. What else could it be.

#jinkook #kookijn #jinkook traces #jinjunmin making salad #Seven BB100 of course you made it kiddo WOOOOOP #My ultimate guess is somebody might have gotten too used to the amount of time and freedom to be with his yeobo 24/7 and was forgetting #How to behave in public OR stopped caring about covering up altogether #Recall 2021 as a year choke full of jinkook everywhere.. that was a great year

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