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storiesofsvu · 1 year ago

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Love Comes Quietly Ch 7

Alex Blake x reader warnings: language, the usual amount of chaos, more detailed case work/situations involving an unsub and injury/death. Some hurt/comfort with a bit of a bad brain day kinda vibes.

You hadn’t realized just how incredibly weird it was going to feel being home alone in the house all weekend. Alex was gone to the airport before you even woke up on Saturday, leaving you a warm pot of coffee for whenever you did decide to start your day. But aside from that there was not a single thing to tell you that she was around, it just felt like you’d rented an Airbnb from someone. All her dishes had been cleaned and put away, laundry was folded on her bed, the door to her room only left open a crack. She’d been so quiet your plan of being up to say goodbye and give her one last offer of a ride to the airport had been squashed.

Instead you poured yourself a mug of coffee, sliding the glass patio door open as you debated what to have for breakfast. It turned out you didn’t have to worry about making that choice as Emily was at your door less than fifteen minutes later with breakfast sandwiches and honey butter tots from Cracked Eggery. Somehow she’d forgotten coffee, so you refilled the machine to brew a fresh pot while she settled in at the kitchen island, sliding you your preferred sandwich while the tots stayed centered.

“I can see you eyeing the pool already.” You teased with a grin, stealing another tot.

“I’m just saying… it’s supposed to be super nice all weekend and she’s gone til Wednesday.”

“You know you’re allowed to come over when Alex is here, right? And that she’d be fine with you using the pool.”

“So… that means if I happen to have a repurposed go bag in the car we can lounge by the pool all day and do a hot tub wine night?” She practically pouted at you and you laughed.

“Yeah, but after we’ve gone to see these houses.” You drained your coffee, “I can’t keep being a freeloader forever.”

“How are you a freeloader?” Emily’s brow furrowed, nearly furrowing further at the pink tinge in your cheeks as you placed the coffee mugs into the dishwasher.

“Alex… doesn’t make me pay rent.” You shrugged.

“Oh, so you’re already married, I’ll jot that down to remember.”

She winced, knowing there was a well deserved punch coming to her shoulder as you rounded the island.

You were wandering through stop number one in Crestwood, $1.05 mil for a 3 bedroom 3 bath, much more space than you needed but you knew you’d figure out what to do with the extra rooms. The realtor had guided you through the main space, walking you through some of the specs and details before letting everyone explore on their own. You’d gotten to the top of the stairs, looking into the main bedroom before glancing back to Emily to find her nose scrunched.

“What?” You asked dryly.

“I absolutely hate how it’s all just one room.”

“We’re in a closed off hallway.”

“No, the main level. Like there’s no privacy or like… ability to make rooms have different vibes. Besides, if you burn something in the kitchen the entire place will smell like burnt.”

“Eh, you make a point there.”

Spot number two only took a knowing glance between you and Emily to know that it was a hard pass. You knew you’d prefer a full house but figured you may as well add on some apartments to the list in case you found something cheaper that you loved. The place was cramped, not very stylish, and the elevator had been out of order making you climb up the four stories.

Stop number three was a little more enticing, $1.27 for four bedrooms and bathrooms. It was a new construction listing, gorgeous marble in the bathrooms with more space than you really knew what you would do with.

“You’re biting your lip.” Emily murmured with a chuckle, “what’s not to like, aside from how fucking white everything is.”

“That is the downside to all these new places isn’t it?” You asked with a sigh, “it’s gonna sound petty but I wish the front porch was better. Alex’s is perfect, if it’s too sunny for the backyard it’s the perfect place to curl up with a book.” You explained as the two of you wandered onto the back deck.

“There’s little to no privacy here either, look how close the neighbour’s deck is.” Emily replied with a head tilt toward the barely there fence between yards. “Like yeah, it’s nice to know your neighbours when you’re away from home as often as we are but I’d also like to be able to be in my yard and know I can’t be seen.”

“Fair point.” You stepped back inside the house, exploring further into the main level as you’d already done the upper ones.

“And the amount of stairs? I mean isn’t that a little excessive?”

“You know, growing up I always wanted a place with an upstairs, it seemed like it was a rich people thing.” You both laughed, “my place in Boston had one, and I fucking hated it.”

“Get up in the morning, get all the way downstairs only to realize you’d left your phone upstairs?”

“Yeah.” You laughed, “I can’t imagine having to go up two flights every single time I needed to go to the bedrooms. It’s been so nice at Alex’s having everything on one level.”

“Imagine trying to figure out the stairs to the basement while drunk.”

“See,” you laughed, “this is why I made you come with me, you think of all the off kilter things I never would.”

“This place is considerably smaller.” Emily pointed out, needing to take only two steps between the living room kitchen combo and the bathroom.

“Yeah but it’s considerably cheaper.”

“You’re really telling me you wanna swap that jacuzzi tub at Blake’s for only a stand up shower?”

“Ugh.” Your nose crinkled. If it wasn’t a hot tub night, you’d been using the luxurious tub to soak in after long weeks away in shitty hotel room beds. As if Emily could read your mind, a grin on her lips as she made her next point,

“Not to mention this one also has no yard. No sunny porch days, and certainly no pool.”

When you glanced up to the smirk on her lips you shot her a glare, but she was right.

Your final stop was a $1.2Million three bedroom in Glover Park and upon first glance, there was not much wrong with it. The porch out front was slightly smaller than Alex’s but still adorable, while Emily pointed out, once again, how much white there was inside, you reminded her that a thing called paint existed. The kitchen was stunning, all new stainless steel appliances, and the perfect sized breakfast bar and the entire place got an incredible amount of natural light.

You were tossing back and fourth the idea of putting an offer down with Emily as you toured the place. It was a nice area, it wouldn’t add to your commute, it was still close to both Emily and Alex, who you spent the most of your time with. Even with Emily pointing out that Alex’s place was nicer, you still only left after you’d put down an offer.

It was less than three hours later when you got the call that your offer had been outbid, the house being sold to the highest bidder. You let out a groan and Emily simply slid you a can of cider and tugged you into the backyard to spend the afternoon lounging in the sun. Dinner got ordered in and once dishes were taken care of wine glasses were poured and the rest of the evening was spent relaxing in the hot tub until exhaustion got the best of both of you and you retired to bed.

When Wednesday rolled around Alex barely had time to make it home from the airport to grab her go bag before you were ushering her out of the house with a homemade breakfast sandwich and full cup of coffee. Emily had called, you had a case and wheels were up in twenty so she really didn’t have a choice but to follow you into your car so you could beat traffic.

She could sense that you were a little on edge, wondering at first if it was just the early call in to work, being the first time you’d be parking and going directly to the jet. But she knew there was something more to it, you had an air of defeat wafting off you and she could tell by how strong the coffee was that you were more than tired. She didn’t want to press into it, but as you were stuck on the freeway she gently asked how your weekend was and you let out a weary sigh. You explained about the housing situation and apologised that you’d be sticking around a little longer to which she simply smiled, squeezing at your arm and reminded you that you truly were welcome as long as you wanted. You talked about the places you’d seen, how you thought your heart was set on the last one you’d been outbid on and everything you looked at online now just didn’t live up to expectations. Though you knew part of that was Emily’s voice in your head pointing out all the flaws or all the amenities that you currently had that the new places didn’t. When you mentioned Emily had stayed over for the weekend Alex chuckled, making a comment about that being why you were so tired. You rolled your eyes, but shot her a tired smile, agreeing that when Em was around you definitely didn’t get as much sleep. Not only would she drag you off on adventures, the woman was a restless sleeper, including talking in her sleep and because you didn’t want to banish her to the couch you’d shared a bed both nights. Alex laughed again, saying that if she was ever away again Emily was welcome to use her bed so you could get some beauty sleep. As you fell back to silence she could tell you were still somewhat dejected, that your optimism was slowly fading and you felt guilty about still being in her space and taking up so much of her life when you’d thought it would only be a few weeks at most.

Your optimism had only one direction to go once you were getting briefed on the jet and that was south. The case was bad, and as it ended up, it was the first one that you got stuck in the field with the unsub and victims. The warehouse was decrepit and had been falling apart for years already, condemned for demolition at an unknown date. Which meant that it went up in flames in a matter of minutes.

Derek managed to take out the unsub after a brief three way scuffle between all of you and the moment you knew he was okay to take the unsub on, on his own, you jumped for the victims. Three of them, all chained to separate pipes on three different walls of the room, you felt relief with the first, your optimism skyrocketing at how easy it was to get them undone and passed off to Derek. As you sprinted across the room to work on the second, your optimism began to crumble, clearly your first vic had been the unsubs last, rushed, messy and unfinished, enough to keep them restrained but not to the full capacity they’d wanted. Flames were dancing through the room, your skin covered in a sheen of sweat, lungs already choking on thick black smoke, your hands slipping on the restraints worse and worse with each second that you tried to undo them as your eyes started to water. You could hear Emily on your earpiece to get the hell out of there and Derek was repeating the same beside you, his hand wrapping around your bicep the moment you got the chain undone and the vic leaped into your arms, sobbing into your shoulder. You could hear the pleading screams of the third victim, attempting to surge in that direction but there was no way you were breaking free from Derek’s grip, his hand tightening around your arm as he dragged you from the warehouse to safety, the screams getting muffled the further you got from them as the sound of the fire engulfed your hearing.

“Please don’t ever fucking do that again.” Emily murmured softly as she wrapped you in her arms, squeezing at you tightly, her words both coming from a best friend and a boss.

“I know.” You mumbled back, relaxing into the hug enough to calm your raging adrenaline but not enough to bring down the mask you needed to keep up.

That was the problem about days like this, once you were cleared by the paramedics it was back to the jet to head home. The jet had zero privacy, so you did what you could, tugging your hoodie tighter around you and curling up into one of the seats in the back corner in an attempt to avoid everyone’s worried stares and questions.

You weren’t sure how you were able to fall asleep, blaming it on the exhaustion of the weekend, but it certainly didn’t last long, jolting awake at the sound of screaming, your body temperature skyrocketing as your eyes stung, blinking open and you realized where you were. You took a couple of deep breaths to try and calm yourself down, your gaze drifting out to the clouds outside the window when you felt someone come up beside you, silently settling in the seat before your eyes flicked to them.

“Coffee?” Alex offered, placing the cup down on the small table.

“Thanks.” You gave her the best smile you could muster and picked up the cup, hoping the caffeine would keep you from anymore nightmares in front of coworkers.

“That hurt?” She asked, fingers delicately brushing your hair off your face so she could get a better look at the forming bruise, the slow swelling of your cheekbone.

“I’ve had worse.” You admitted with a sigh, hiding behind the cup of coffee before your eyes found the window again.

A moment later, Alex’s hand wordlessly found yours, squeezing softly and you felt relief sinking through you. She watched carefully out of the corner of her eye as your shoulders relaxed, her thumb gently stroking over your knuckles to silently remind you that you weren’t alone, that you were safe and that she was there for your.

Her hand didn’t move until the wheels of the jet were back on the tarmac in Quantico.

“You mind if I drive?” She asked and you shook your head, pulling the keys from your bag and tossing them to her. Once settled in the car she switched off the radio, still playing high energy pop from your drive into work and shifted the car into drive, her hand reaching over to briefly squeeze at your thigh before she started driving.

You’d never been more thankful for Alex being home and her being the one to drive you back. You knew you were in no shape to drive right now and if Emily had offered there would’ve been constant chattering, questions, comments, anything to keep you engaged. But this car ride was pleasantly silent, Alex letting you figure things out in your head on your own. It wasn’t that big of a surprise to you, she was a profiler after all, and she’d always been able to read you relatively easy, an extra coffee on your desk on a day she knew you’d slept like crap, Midol left out on the kitchen counter when she knew you were on your period, extra ice cream stashed in the freezer, homemade chicken noodle soup on a day you were just slightly under the weather, before you’d even realized you were sick yourself.

Your elbow was on the windowsill of the car, your chin propped in your hand as you stared out to the blurring streets passing by, praying you wouldn’t get stuck in traffic. Tears were threatening to swim into your eyes already, your brain pulling all the bad thoughts of the week in at once mixed with images from inside the warehouse. You’d already been feeling unsuccessful, a bit of a burden before the case even started, now you were trying to fight the battle in your brain that you didn’t deserve to be on the team. You knew that your reports would match up, that Derek’s would say he drug you out of that building, that Emily would back you, deep down that you made the right call but you knew it was going to eat at you for a while.

“You awake over there?” Alex’s soft voice broke through your thoughts, her hand squeezing at your thigh and you nearly jumped, glancing around to realize you were in the driveway and you nodded, ducking your gaze so she couldn’t see your face.

You dumped your go bag by the door, only bothering to collect your phone before you beelined it to the bathroom. Stripping out of your clothing you turned the shower on, stepping into the stream in an attempt to relax yourself, washing away the day, washing away the smell of smoke, the memories you hoped you’d be able to forget. You welcomed the sensation of this kind of heat on your skin, staying under the stream until it had nearly begun to turn cold and you finally stepped out.

You were thankful for the distance between the sides of the house, able to dart back to your bedroom without being seen. You wrapped yourself in the coziest, warmest pyjamas you could find, tugging a hoodie on over them as you plugged your phone in, making sure it was on silent before you slipped under the blankets and flicked the television on, finding something mind numbing to hopefully distract you and lull you into sleep.

Alex heard the shower stop running, glancing in the direction of the hallway, unsurprised when the door clicked open and shortly after your bedroom clicked shut. She let out a soft sigh, she knew what this was like, cases like this, days like this, they were hard. It was your first technical loss as part of the BAU and while she wasn’t completely certain on your history, she was thinking it was likely your first real loss, one that you felt very responsible for. She heard the telltale click of your door again, waiting for a moment for your to appear but it was followed by the rustle of blankets and your television quietly playing. You weren’t ignoring her, but you did want your space and she would respect that.

She spent a bit of time following up on a couple of emails, replied to a couple of texts from Emily before she felt her stomach grumbling. There wasn’t much in the fridge after your last minute case, but she found enough between it and the freezer to make up some chicken fajita bowls, hoping the sounds and smells of food would entice you out of your room. She wasn’t necessarily worried about you, but she cared about you and wanted to make sure that you knew you weren’t going to be held accountable, that you were loved and you were good at your job. So an hour after she finished the dishes, she prepped a couple of things, and grabbed a couple more before wandering down to your door.

Your ears perked up at the sound of a very soft knocking at your door, a pause before Alex pushed it open, finding you burrito’d in your blankets on the bed.

“Can I come in?” She asked, a gentle smile on her face and you nodded. She slowly moved through the room, placing down an Uncrustable and a steaming mug of hot chocolate, complete with whipped cream on the bedside table, a matching one in her free hand. “I figured you weren’t up for dinner, but you should eat something. You barely ate breakfast. And I thought maybe some cocoa could cheer you up.”

You didn’t say anything, unsure of what you could to try and properly get your emotions across to a linguist like Alex, but you did push yourself up to sitting, delicately taking the mug off the table to take a small sip. The beverage soothed through your body, warming up the deepest parts of your soul that you didn’t even know could be reached by something made of chocolate and Alex smiled at the way the corner of your mouth briefly twitched up.

“Would you like me to go?” She asked, nodding toward the door and you shook your head, shifting over on the bed so there was proper space for her.

Both of your attention turned to the television, Alex unsurprised that you had Love Island reruns on to distract you as the two of you sipped at your drinks. As soon as she was settled on the bed your head instantly found a home on her shoulder, your body nuzzling into her for relief and her free hand easily slipped into yours once again, squeezing softly. She could feel you attempting to hold back, little sighs or shivers from your body becoming your tell as you tried to ignore them.

An episode later and both your mugs lay empty on the bedside table. Alex heard you sigh, take a shaky breath and her hand finally left yours so her arm could wrap around your shoulders, her lips leaving a feather soft kiss to the top of your head.

“I know you don’t want to talk about it and know that I am absolutely not trying to profile you, or professor you, but what happened today was not your fault. I know that things have kinda been off, that maybe you’re doubting yourself, that to your brain it may feel that way, but it is not, you cannot blame yourself.” Her voice was barely above a whisper, soothing straight into your soul, but it somehow also managed to start to break you.

“Sarah’s parent’s sure can.” You finally spoke, your voice wavering and Alex honestly found herself surprised that you’d spoken.

“No, no they cannot.” She assured with a squeeze, “they will never know the details of what happened in that warehouse. And the person they are to blame is the unsub. You did everything you could. And the parents of those other two girls? They’ll be eternally grateful to you and Morgan.”

“Then why do I feel so fucking inadequate?” You mumbled, burying yourself deeper into her arm and Alex let out a soft sigh.

“Okay, c’mere.” She tugged at you, slipping under the blankets of the bed as she sat against the headboard, urging you between her legs so you were properly nestled against her chest, arms softly wrapped around her as one of hers rubbed up your back, the other still linked with yours. “You had a rough week, you’re overtired, right?”

“I’m sorry.” You mumbled.

“For what?” She asked, brushing the hair off your face.

“You let me crash, I never meant to stay this long but I never thought finding a place would take this long.”

“Please.” She smiled with a small laugh, “you do my dishes, you take out the trash, you’re a help to this household, not a burden, okay?” You nodded but she pinched at your shoulder, “uh-uh, I need to hear it.”

“Okay.”

“Okay what?”

“I’m not a burden.” You mumbled, taking another shaky breath.

“That’s it.” She smiled, her hand squeezing at yours, “and you are excellent at your job. That is not me bluffing either. I know your phone’s turned off but Emily and Morgan have been texting all night to check in on you and commend how well you did today.”

“I’ve never done something like that.” You admitted with a whisper, your hand quickly coming up to wipe away a tear that finally found its way to escape. “I couldn’t leave her… we were so close…” You trembled in her arms and Alex felt her heart wilt, squeezing at you softly.

“You know it’s okay to cry, right?” Her lips ghosted at your temple and with that encouragement you finally let out the shuddering breath, tears streaking down your cheeks.

Alex held you tighter, her hand softly rubbing up and down your back as you finally let all of your emotions out from the past week. She wished she had something more to say, a better way to comfort you, to let you know that it was all going to be okay, that you were loved, that you were great at your job, that tomorrow would be better. But she didn’t know how to piece it together so she simply held you, letting you get it all out until your breathing finally regulated and she realized you had cried yourself to sleep.

Alex felt a warm ray of sun across her face and her brow scrunched. Her room didn’t face the sunrise, the birds chirping outside the window were certainly not outside of hers and for a moment she thought she was still in a hotel room. Then the warmth of your body against hers jolted her conscious awake. You were still very nestled into her side, your arms loosely wrapped around her as you slept peacefully. She glanced up, the television was displaying the ‘keep playing?’ menu on Netflix and the sun was barely streaming through the curtains. It had to be early. She did her best to slowly slip from under the blankets, making sure you were still blissfully asleep before she disappeared from the room.

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