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[3liza]

you have $100. due to a squid games type escapade, you are currently trapped in Whole Foods and can't leave or someone will take you out with a bullet to the brain. you have to buy all the food you eat. you can't shoplift it or steal it from the other competitors. a carton of 12 organic eggs costs $10.

your friend Greg has $100. due to a competing squid games franchise, he is trapped in a Costco. he can't leave, or they'll set the dogs on him. he still has to buy all the food he eats. he can buy 36 eggs for $7

which one of you will starve first? are you or Greg functionally "wealthier" within your respective squid game?

[weirdmarioenemies]

Name: Binoculars

Debut: Super Mario 3D Land

Wow! What a large and crisp render of Binoculars. This is more than a lot of enemies get. And it's all for Binoculars!

It is nice to see binoculars as an installed apparatus for public use. It reminds me of those binoculars that are sometimes at parks or zoos where you can put in a quarter and get a limited amount of time to look at ducks more closely. Let's look!

Wow! There's a North American Ruddy Duck! in this pond! That's my favorite duck! The blue of the male's bill is probably my favorite color, and they are so cute, especially with their funny proportions. Their head looks too small for their body, but their feet look too BIG for the rest of them! Their feet are large and further back on their body because they are divers who swim down to find food, unlike the dabbling ducks, which keep their butts above the water while foraging. Oops! I forgot that this is a Mario Post and that we aren't actually watching ducks at a pond!

Anyway I just found out those kinds of binoculars are called Tower Viewers. More like Quacker Viewers. Ok on to Mario for real now! Mario, sadly, does not view ducks with these binoculars. They are free, however, which is nice! I'm glad there are ways for everyone to enjoy the Mushroom Kingdom's landscapes at a distance and at no costs. In fact, Mario is sometimes rewarded for using them, as a Toad will throw him a Star Medal upon being seen! A Toad who really wants to bee looked at and goes HAH BAH.

Mario can also see a UFO through the binoculars sometimes! This is often brought up as a Creepy Easter Egg despite the fact that aliens have been present in this franchise since 1989!

With all that about the 3D Land binoculars out of the way, I am really here to say that the binoculars in Odyssey are BETTER. They look like ROB, and overall are a Funny Robot, so they are obviously better by default! They even move around on their own as if they are looking around, and they are really so good at looking, since they are binoculars. I think the binoculars themselves are bird enthusiasts and watch them in delight constantly!

These binoculars even have LORE as seen in the art book, and shared by Suppermariobroth! They are made by the same company as the 3D Land binoculars, and are an older model not capable of stereoscopic 3D! They were installed by the sightseeing company for onsite investigation, and someone has to come and collect the logs from the devices every so often. I seriously love this all sooo much! It is so cute and wonderful that they put this much thought into humble little Binoculars! BinocuLORE!

I would now like to talk about just how these binoculars work! Upon being Captured, they shoot up using spray propulsion (not jet propulsion!!!) and let Mario scope out the area from the sky! Mario got extremely lucky that he happened across these specific binoculars when he happened to have the ability to Capture them, because anyone else using this would be in extreme danger. Please hang on tight!

Binoculars most recently appear in Super Nintendo World, where they are now real! They use the 3D Land design, which makes sense knowing it is canonically the modern design. You can even look at certain things to get little rewards just like in the game! Super Mario in real life! Wa Who!

[qiutls]

TNGDH 013

"It's obesity, Your Highness."

'What?'

"What?" Oh, I thought I was finally able to talk, but it was Kyle's voice.

The doctor who noticed the anger in the Grand Duke's voice trembled slightly.

"W-well, that, Your Highness' pet hamster, ah- I mean magical beast has no appetite and is inactive, so I thought that m-maybe..."

It was a breathtaking honorific, I'm the only one in this world to be treated this way, by the one and only veterinarian here.

Indeed, since this hamster is cherished by the Grand Duke, one can't carelessly say brash words like 'this rat' in front of His Highness, for fear of losing their voice.

It's absurd, but what can I do? They must be aggrieved to be born into a world where their status is less than a different species.

"It is a little difficult to determine if it has a disease because no trauma nor abnormal symptoms have been found. There was also no pain when I pressed its stomach. It's just when I pressed it carefully-"

"When you pressed it?"

Kyle urged him to speak with a serious look. The veterinarian shivered and continued as if he had been threatened with murder.

"..... It was j-just belly fat!"

I must've gained weight.

I slumped back down and looked at the two humans who were staring at me alternately. Why? What are you looking at? Is this your first time seeing a fat hamster? It's probably your first time, look at you two, you practically can't take your eyes off of me.

Of course, I knew why I gained weight. I ate too much during the morning. The food here in the North is pretty good, no scratch that, human food is just delicious compared to dried pollack. It's worth living as a human even if I was fed rice paste every day.

[ (^(00)^) ]

'... Did I eat that much?'

This morning Sen introduced me to the work at the kitchen. The servants were supposed to make fried sandwiches to distribute them to the refugees, but they were afraid of splashing oil, so I decided to help them out.

Who am I? I'm none other than the self-righteous man who worked at a fast-food franchise in Gangnam for four years, to earn tuition for college.

My amazing frying skills can fry any dish, you name it!

While frying, I took a bite of a sandwich to avoid the eyes of the people staring at me. Then I also took a bite of twisted breadstick, another bite of a sandwich, another bite of breadstick. One bite of donut, a bite of fried meat..... I had 10 bites. How many times did I repeat those 10 bites again?

Anyway, I ate my fill for 30 minutes. Kyle doesn't even give me fried eggs that hamsters can eat, why should I miss out on my only chance to eat high calorie foods.

I felt like a resident employee doing "bad things" prohibited to the newcomers, it felt good. Thanks to this skill, I have a chance to eat rice balls again. As expected, even if you roll in dog poop field, living is still better than dying, well living as a human, I mean.

When I left the kitchen patting my stomach, I heard the servants say how the food that came out of the kitchen seemed to be less than they thought. Ah! I don't care, I put an iron plate on my face and said I don't know why that happened. It seems like it was so cold in the North, that my face thickened.

Well, that's basically a summary of what happened in the morning.

"But Cashew Nut hasn't eaten since this morning!"

Kyle said panicking.

Of course, I didn't. If you were me and you just ate a box of fried food, would you still be blinded to eat nuts all day? You eat it.

But this morning, I didn't just stuff my stomach, okay? In order to prevent the chandelier incident, I tried to tell some servants and attendants to inspect the central chandelier at the banquet hall.

The problem was that my identity was ambiguous, and although my words were convincing, why would they believe someone who's unfamiliar and kept bothering them to check the chandelier.

The last servant I talked to just gave me a basket full of bread and said, "Don't insult the castle that is providing for you, just fry the food properly, so you don't get in trouble."

Anyway, after eating so much in the morning, Kyle was probably worried seeing me sleep all throughout the day and just waking up in the afternoon. So, he explained to the doctor, how I had no appetite and no energy.

"Look again, are you sure you didn't miss anything when checking its stomach?"

The veterinarian touched my stomach again out of courtesy and pressed down, his voice shook as he said.

"It's really just fat..."

Silence filled the room.

All right, take your hands off of me, you're trembling so much you even shook my whole body.

"I see..."

Kyle spoke in an unconvinced tone. I slipped away from the doctor's palm and went to hug his (Kyle's) elbow.

Take it easy, okay? If the vet said I gained weight, then I gained it. Will a hamster die just because he's fat? I'll even eat a nut or two during dinner, alright?

Kyle stroked by back with his fingertips perhaps because my silent consolation was too strong.

"..... How can you be obese when you're so cute."

Ah, this is shocking. It seems like there's no logic left in the North.

The vet seemed to think the same thing as I did, but he just kept quiet and bowed his head. That's right, there's only one life and we should cherish it.

"It seems like you need more care from now on."

"Yes, Your Highness, periodic care is very important. You should let it exercise as much as possible and avoid giving it a fatty diet. It would be helpful to feed it boiled vegetables. And don't worry too much, isn't the magical beast, still in its growing period?"

I'm sorry to say this, but my growth period ended 10 years ago...

"Probably after the growth period, the problem will be solved little by little as the body grows. So don't worry too much, Your Highness."

"Alright."

"Are bodies of magical beasts usually this big?"

"No, it's larger."

"Then, Your Highness, you may need to change things like the wheel, the size of the room, maybe even the house itself."

Kyle replied without hesitation.

"I can change it a hundred times if needed."

It's a tearful love for a hamster. Why are you spending so much money and love on me.

"By the way, you said periodic care."

Kyle pondered for a moment and said,

"I think your skills are good, and since this magical beast will continue to grow, why don't you settle here in the North."

"Here, in the North..."

The veterinarian seemed to have doubted his ears.

It's normal, of course. From the moment he checked on me, Kyle has worn a serious look, he probably can't understand why Kyle wants him to stay.

But maybe it's not a bad suggestion seeing as his face is slightly flushed. Is this guy in the original novel?

[ Veterinarian. Approximately 15 days until the estimated time fo death. ]

Death again? 

'Tell me how he's supposed to die.'

[ Belial's mother, the current empress, Serena Minehardt's old cat fell ill, and this veterinarian wasn't able to treat it, so he was executed immediately after the cat's death. ]

This reason... Is too absurd...

Is a veterinarian a god?

Isn't it common for pets to die of old age? You're killing a man because he couldn't make your cat immortal? She's an empress with no brain ah.

It seems like he used to work in the palace and realized the cat's situation and ran here to the North by joining the procession in disguise of taking care of horses.

If he had a reason to settle down in the North, it would be a great opportunity to save his life. While Kyle was busy paying, the vet's face was turning brighter and brighter.

"Don't worry about money, I'll pay you for treating him."

Money doesn't matter! Promise him you won't kill him even if this hamster dies, you tactless creature!

"Is there anything else you want? I'll negotiate with His Majesty (Belial) if you still have any concerns."

The veterinarian seemed to wonder whether it's better to stay with the royal family or here. Although they seemed like they would both do the same thing, an obese hamster's life expectancy seems to be longer than an old cat's.

"No! I'm honored to stay and be at your service, Your Highness."

There you go!

I went to the edge of Kyle's hand and patted the doctor's arm as a compliment. You made the right decision. This is the way to lengthen your life. 

[ The person who was fated to die is no longer in danger. ]

[ Miracle value has risen! ]

[ Current miracle value is 11.0% ]

Wow, it went up 3% in an instant. Saving people's live is indeed the right way.

My eyes brightened at the realization, if saving a no name character gives 3%, then how much more would I get if I save Kyle!

Add a zero next to the 3 next time, System. Write it big when the time comes.

[ The duration of "Summon" has been increased to 1 hour. ]

The skill which originally lasted for 30 minutes only has been increased twice. It's probably due to the miracle value exceeding 10%.

Alright! I'll get up earlier and eat 30 more fried- ah..... No let's stop eating that. At this rate, I might really forget how to walk.

The hamster's body was too honest. You gain as much weight as you eat. It's fortunate that my human body still stays the same.

"Cashew Nut."

After extending his life expectancy, the vet now has a bright face. However, Kyle still looked gloomy, as if he heard my life was ending soon.

Hey, you punk. It's you who has a month to live, you shouldn't be worrying about me. Technically, I- I'm already dead. I already died so.

..... I need to raise the miracle value, so that both you and I could survive. I have no choice but to trust the system.

"Cashew Nut, you must have heard what the doctor said earlier right?"

Usually, hamsters don't understand people, Your Highness.

"Occasional exercise can lengthen your lifespan."

Kyle put me back in the house and said solemnly.

Ahhh, I don't know. I don't understand. What exercise? I already ran a thousand laps on the wheel, I think that's enough exercise for my whole life. If you want to exercise so bad, do it yourself!

"Hurry up, don't you like this?"

He put the wheel in front of me and began spinning it with his finger while looking at me anxiously. The wheel turned like a Ferris wheel, and it improved my mood. Oh, he's actually good at acting cute, turn it around more!

"Cashew Nut, please."

― Eek! [ Don't wanna! ]

"Just one turn, okay?"

― Squeak! [ You do it yourself! ]

It's annoying, I don't want to exercise. After you sigh, everything you eat is already digested. Didn't you think I'm cute as a chubby hamster? Just accept it!

'By the way, what should I do with Belial.'

Ever since that day they almost fought, Belial hasn't visited the study once.

It's not hard to find out which room he's staying, but I can't get in as a servant. It's no use even if "Summon" lasted for ten hours instead of an hour.

'..... How to prevent the chandelier falling during the banquet.'

Ah, how am I supposed to do this.

I can already feel a headache coming. Mr. System, isn't this too difficult for a hamster to accomplish. Please change the difficulty to beginner mode!

[ _(:3」∠)_  ]

You're just lying down? Fine I'll just lie down as well.

I fell asleep drowsily after watching Kyle acting cute for a long time.

T/N: I'm sorry if the quality of the translation this time is a bit lacking, I'm currently sick, but since I already started translating this chapter, I thought I should just finish it before I let myself rest. Once again tysm to everyone who donated, it is much appreciated!!! novel ⠀✿⠀ next

[in-a-nook-with-a-notebook]

Life Could Be A Dream

Franchise: Star Wars (but modern AU)

Pairing: Poe Dameron x male reader (reader's pronouns are he/him/his)

Word Count: 1.3k

Warnings: fluff, modern!AU, implied smut (scratch marks on Poe’s back, hickeys, mentions of nudity if you squint), fluff, established relationship, mentions of Poe being an F1 driver, no plot really just a sweet morning with Poe, did I mention fluff?

Summary: Poe always gets cuddly after a race; the more intense the race, the more he wants to be glued to your side. Yesterday's race was pretty crazy, but you’re not complaining.

A/N: This is ridiculously self indulgent, especially with the breakfast foods (I am a slut for a good serving of pancakes) also the inspiration and the song mentioned is Sh-Boom (Life Could Be A Dream) by The Sh-Booms, highly recommend listening while reading; for some reason I imagine Poe being a Formula One racer in a modern AU so voila

You blink your tired eyes open with the sun peering through the curtains of the hotel room. It’s warm and welcome on your skin. A lazy smile drifts over your face. You stretch a little before curling up under the thick blanket again; it’s smooth against your bare skin, perfect for a morning like this.

You slowly roll onto your side, turning your back to the window. Your eyes land on your boyfriend’s sleeping form. Poe is snoring softly, his dark curls tousled and unkempt. He looks so peaceful. His broad back glows in the morning light, the duvet haphazardly covering the lower half of his body. There are faint red marks near his shoulders, reminders of last night. Even after the longest, most intense races, he still has some… pent up energy.

Careful not to wake him, you lean forward and press a gentle kiss between his shoulder blades. You then silently slip out of the bed, tugging on a clean pair of boxers. You’re grateful for the carpeting under your bare feet until you reach the cold tile of the bathroom. You brush your teeth, considering you can taste how bad your morning breath is, but you don’t bother fixing your messy hair. You wash your face with cold water to wake yourself up a little more, padding it dry with a facecloth. You look at yourself in the mirror, your eyes sliding over the hickeys on your neck and chest from Poe last night. Your fingers ghost over them.

After leaving the bathroom, you grab a shirt from last night. It’s either yours or Poe’s. You’re not sure, but you don’t really care all that much - it’s a shirt either way.

You wander to the kitchen, thankful the two of you had booked at an extended stay hotel; full kitchen with a big fridge, living space separate from the bed area; lots of space for you and him to stay for a while. You dig through the fridge in search of ingredients for breakfast. The two of you went out for groceries a couple days before his big race in Melbourne, so you had everything you needed to make a filling breakfast; Poe’s always hungry after a night like last night. You are too, quite frankly. You grab bacon, eggs and milk and put them on the counter, lightly kicking the fridge closed behind you. From the cabinets behind you, you collect salt, baking powder, white sugar, and a small bag of flour.

As much as you don’t like packing heavy when you travel for Poe’s races, you’ve brought it upon yourself to have some essentials so you aren’t eating out all the time. After the first few races, you pretty much put together a travel kit of cooking/baking supplies and other things you guys would usually have at home.

You grab a mixing bowl and a wooden spoon and begin mixing the dry ingredients together. You snag a normal bowl from the cupboard to mix the wet ingredients with a whisk. You then combine them together and leave it on the counter with a dishcloth over it, letting it rise. From the cabinets underneath the counter, you grab two pans; one for the pancakes when they’re ready and one for the bacon. As you set the pan on the stove to heat up, you hear shuffling from the bedroom area; Poe’s awake.

The pan warms quickly and you start laying bacon on it to fry. The sizzling meets your ears just as Poe appears out of the corner of his eye. You focus mostly on the bacon, but you can sense his presence. His arm snakes around your waist and he pulls your back against his warm, bare chest. He rests his chin on your shoulder.

“Good morning,” you say with a smile.

Poe hums, pressing a gentle kiss to your neck. “Morning, baby.”

“How’d you sleep?”

“Like a log, but last night was amazing…” He nibbles on your neck a little, tightening his grip around you. You chuckle, bringing your hand down to squeeze his. “Bacon?” Poe inquires, changing the subject and looking down at the pan in front of you. His chin rests on your shoulder, leaning his head against yours.

“And pancakes,” you add, gesturing lazily to the mixing bowl.

“Mmm, I love your breakfasts.”

“You love all my cooking. And baking, for that matter.”

“Because you, mi amor, are an absolute god in the kitchen.”

“You flatter me, darling.” You reach for the tongs to flip the bacon strips. “I’m assuming you’re hungry. You’re always hungry.”

“For your food, always.”

“Flirt.”

“I’m just speaking the truth here.” He presses a kiss to your cheek. “Want help?”

“I love you, but you can just sit there and look pretty for now.” You turn your head to fully kiss him. “I wanna cook for you.”

“You always cook for me.”

“Yeah, because, no offence, but you can’t cook for shit.”

“I’m a Formula One driver, not a chef.”

“I’m not even technically a chef.”

“You might as well be,” Poe replies, untangling himself from you. “You are probably one of the best cooks I’ve ever had the pleasure of meeting. And eating with. And, you know, everything else.” He kisses the back of your neck before stepping away to sit at the island, watching you fondly. “You sure you don’t want help?”

“Well, how about you set out the fruit from the fridge?”

“That I can do.”

As you get a plate out for the bacon, as well as a couple pieces of paper towel to catch the leftover grease, while Poe goes to the fridge. You feel Poe’s finger drag down your spine, sending a shiver through your body.

“Tease,” you murmur, looking at him over your shoulder. He smirks at you, blowing a kiss to you. “You wanna put some music on?”

“Absolutely.”

You transfer the cooked bacon onto the plate, then put more bacon on the pan. Poe shuffles around behind you, connecting his phone to the speaker.

Life could be a dream, life could be a dream

Do, do, do, do, sh-boom

A smile crosses your face with you hear the song and you turn to look at Poe. He puts his phone down on the counter. You both begin to murmur the lyrics under your breath.

“Life could be a dream. If I could take you up in paradise up above. If you would tell me I’m the only one that you love, life could be a dream, sweetheart, hello, hello again, sh-boom, and hopin’ we’ll meet again…”

“You look so good in my shirt,” he murmurs, coming up behind you again. He kisses your cheek, resting his hand on your hip. “I ever tell you that?”

“You’ve mentioned…” you reply, relaxing under his touch.

“I love when you travel with me,” Poe says. “Thank you for coming.”

“There’s nowhere I’d rather be, my love.”

Poe gently takes your chin in his hand to turn your head towards him. He presses a deep kiss to your lips. When he pulls away, he has a piece of bacon in his hand.

“Impatient?” You tease.

“It’s bacon. I’m hungry.”

You laugh when he takes a bite and his face lights up. “You’re cute,” you remark. His face goes red and he dips his head.

“Shut up.”

“No.” You tilt his chin up with your finger, pressing your lips to his. “You’re downright adorable, Poe Dameron.”

“You’re relentless.”

“You love me.”

“I adore you.”

You smirk. “I know.”

Some mornings, the two of you have to rush around, packing for another plane or prepping for another race, but not today. Poe’s got a free day, and he intends to spend every minute of it with you. Even if it’s just swaying in the kitchen, teasing each other. As long as he’s with you, he’s happy.

A/N: I just wanted a soft morning with Poe and the song had me in a fluffy mood so I hope y'all enjoy this because I know I did! Feedback is encouraged and appreciated! Have a lovely day y'all <3

[yanderes-galore]

I really liked Yandere Platonic Bewilderbeast. Could you make it in the version of Screaming Death and Whispering Death with a darling mother (viking or dragon)? Being one of the most attached dragons to the mother in the franchise.

I'll see what I can do! I have never seen Defenders of Berk so I had to use the wiki for both dragons!

Yandere! Platonic! Screaming Death + Whispering Death with Viking Mother! Darling

Pairing: Pet-Like/Platonic

Possible Trigger Warnings: Female Darling, Overprotective behavior, Violence, Possessive dragons, Dragon imprinting, Dragons eating dragons/humans, Isolation.

To help me out, I'll talk about the dragons a little. Starting with Whispering Death.

A Whispering Death is usually a dragon who lives underground in tunnels, they are also extremely dangerous with their teeth

They are feared by humans and dragons alike.

They like to burrow and have poor eyesight with light sensitivity.

While they are typically untrainable, you can gain their trust or raise them as a hatchling.

Now there's the Screaming Death.

The Screaming Death is a massive dragon, even as a hatchling.

Instead of being opposed to light, they like to be around it.

They also grow up faster.

Both dragons are attached to families, especially their mothers.

In this concept you'd be a viking whose raising two dragon eggs.

Similar to the Bewilderbeast concept, you are raising the two eggs to research the "Death" species of dragons.

Your home is near a rocky area so the dragons will have sufficient food.

Your home is rather large but has an area by it for the dragons to rest.

Both dragons are going to be a handful to deal with, but they will register you as their mother once they hatch.

These dragons are large and are protective of their family.

Although I feel the Screaming Death with be the bigger threat, which is why you live in an isolated area.

Both dragons prefer to burrow around your house, once they hatch they are able to fully defend themselves and may burrow almost immediately after meeting their human mother.

The dragons are much larger than you.

Despite this they are still clingy and yearn for the touch of their mother.

Your young Whispering Death can cuddle with you easier due to their size.

Your Screaming Death has issues due to its large size compared to you.

Here's a way to help you observe the heights;

See why affection becomes an issue at some points?

What you could probably do is ride the Screaming Death, they probably would let you since you're their mother.

Despite the two towering over you... they often chirp, coo, trill, and roar at you for affection.

Don't worry about feeding them, they just need to burrow to feed themselves.

I can imagine you mostly live in your spacious hut while taking care of them... yet both dragons keep trying to drag you into their burrows since they're so used to that environment away from the sun.

Both of these dragons would isolate their mother darling because they keep trying to drag you into their little caves and tunnels.

Both of these dragons do not intentionally hurt you.

In fact they want to curl around you and sleep.

You may be able to sleep on top of the Screaming Death while the Whispering Death sleeps around their sibling.

These dragons are clingy and hate the idea of other humans or dragons approaching their mother.

I expect violence with these dragons are on sight.

They're territorial and protective of their family.

If a wild dragon found your hut and came looking for food, their getting spines in the face.

That's not all! Screaming Deaths and immobilize dragons with their roar.

Plus, both dragons can shoot spines and have cascading rows of teeth like a blender.

If a wild dragon comes across their home... they'll probably attack the dragon immediately.

You can't really stop it, either.

They'll tear a wild dragon to bits before returning to you with a roar.

Humans are probably worse off.

Your only company is your dragons because anyone else is hunted by them.

Your dragons don't think their mother needs any other company.

They're enough.

Hopefully you don't mind walking through dragon burrows as that's where you'll be most of the time.

Your dragons like to keep you safe underground.

Predators can't hurt mother if they can't find mother!

Your Whispering Death hunts and cuddles with you primarily.

Meanwhile your Screaming Death is the guard, defending your home with its strength.

You can't get away from these dragons.

They're already imprinted on you and will follow wherever you go.

That or prevent you from leaving.

Both dragons are dangerous and prevent you from living your old life.

But why do you want your old life?

Your dragon babies love you very much....

It's unnerving to see them shred anything around you.

Afterwards with the smell of blood on their breath... your dragons fly over in search of affection.

They seem to think they're making you happy!

Aren't they?

They're only trying to defend and keep their mother healthy.

It's a cute idea at first....

Now you regret choosing this dragon to train.

You wish they were more susceptible to training.

Yet all they want to do is live with you underground.

They don't know why you scream and fight with them!

You took care of them...

Why can't their mother allow them to return the favor?

[greenyvertekins]

On the topic of Flynn and Silver, I've found multiple of his answers to be almost infantilizing of Silver's character. Stuff like him being irresponsible with his powers and needing Whisper to keep an eye on him, his favourite food being mac and cheese (often considered a childish and easy-to-make dish, also lols there because Silver's been shown with apples at least half a dozen times), him getting all Goofy Silly Stuttering Awkward about being considered famous, and I also read something about him missing Amy's birthday party because he got the date wrong... Blegh. The fact that none of these are ever shown in any media that takes the franchise seriously aside, it's so incessantly bothersome to me how much of an idiot baby he makes Silver into. And "fans" just eat it up and coo over how ✨siwwee✨ little asthma-riddled asphalt-eating Silver with no social skills and who would keel over and die if he had to take two steps by himself is. (These are all claims I regularly see floating by, with, again, just about a negative basis in canon, lol.)

I truly cannot get my head around how people claim they like and respect a character, only for the version they have created in their minds to be a caricature/spit in the face of said character at best. Statements like "My interpretation of the character is not the correct one!! :)" can only get you so far if your interpretation features solely the outer shell of the character in question, in my honest opinion. And Flynn and his Bumblekast honestly seem to only be making the problem actively worse.

GOD YES.

But lets not act that it's purely Flynn who keeps fucking up the character. Stanley has a big hand in it too. Not surprising for someone who literally made art of him walking into a Lush then walking out spitting bubbles after eating the soaps in there :| Like, how do you view art of Silver using his PSI in a precise manner to deftly move packages (Assuming THEY EVEN VIEWED IT.)...

And then morph him into being such a fucking amateur that he gets smothered by tools that he isn't shown to have the smallest control over?

But lets not stop there in regards to the utter fail of a portrayal.

Compare Forces. In which Chad Silver went toe-to-toe with the monster that was dreaded by the Resistance because he turned the war in Dr Eggman's favour and singlehandedly killed multiple resistance fighters (The fact he lost isn't the point - Sonic did too. And he still held his own for an admirable amount of time against this supowered bully.);

...To this Virgin mockery that was imperiled by a fucking EGG PAWN (And had to have a canon foreigner save his ass. Whom I'll add he fangirled over.);

I'm not even a huge fan of Silver (Though he is in my top 25 characters.) and even I call bull on this slander. Fans rightly criticise IDW!Sonic all the time as the complete mangling of Sonic as a character that it is. But the consistently off-model, adaptational dumbass weakling that poor Silver was morphed into is arguably just as bad.

[dr-futbol-blog]

The Lost Boys, Pt. 2

We see Sheppard look mighty uncomfortable as the reality of the situation dawns on him. He keeps his face blank as he feverishly tries to think of a way to get his team out of this, attempting not to show Ford any kind of a reaction whatsoever. If he thought that they were in trouble when a bunch of strangers had stunned them, kidnapped them and transported them with bags over their heads like utter clichés, things suddenly seemed a whole lot worse. The last time that he had seen Ford, Sheppard's intention had been to take him out by any means necessary, and that had been anything but an easy decision for him.

Ford: Guys. Guys, please. Eat. Eat.

Ford and his people have laid out a tasty buffet on the table, and now that the team have apparently been untied, he is encouraging them to partake in the feast. He even takes a morsel of food from Teyla's plate to show them that it is not poisoned, and so Ronon and McKay in particular seem curious enough about the food to eat some. Teyla also digs in where Sheppard refuses to even entertain eating something laid out before him by people that have taken his freedom and threatened the people closest to him. He would not eat of it even if he knew for a fact that it was not poisoned and he was ravenous besides. It is the principle of the thing. Given Sheppard's social class, eating is as much a social convention as it is providing sustenance, and he refuses to participate in the theatre of it all because he is not feeling well met by these people. He also looks at McKay, probably trying to communicate to him not to eat before they know what is going on, only McKay is not looking at him. We (and Sheppard, who glances down at it) can tell by McKay doing his thumb thing that he is feeling anxious.

Ford: Wildmen, this used to be my team. Well, not this one, but I think he's OK too. Sheppard: What is all this?

Ford calls his crew "Wildmen," which is interesting. It is mentioned only once, off-handedly, probably not a big deal. While we did not see Ford display a lot of geekiness previously, and he seemed to have a fair amount of disdain toward the nerdy types that he claimed to have beaten up in school, it is possible that his reference comes from The Lord of the Rings, in which case Sheppard would certainly get the reference, as he is familiar with the book as per Outcast (S04E15). But there is a more interesting connection, which is not something that Ford would know but which might be a kind of an Easter egg to the audience. There is a Medieval story of Arthurian lore (and let us recall that the franchise was drawing heavily from Arthurian lore at this time, so they all must have been reading up on it) called Sir Gawain and the Green Knight where the Green Night is a wildman, a being of European traditional fairytales.

What is interesting about this is not only that it is a homoerotic text (actual kisses between men are featured), but in that what takes place is essentially what also happens in The Hive with Sheppard and the woman that the wraith had planted to seduce him.

In the story, Sir Gawain strikes a bargain with the Lord of a castle that in exchange for what the Lord hunts, Gawain has to give him what he has received during the day. The Lord's wife attempts to seduce him only to get one single kiss from him and when the Lord returns home, Gawain gives him this kiss as it was what he had received during the day. This happens a bunch more times with more kisses each time from wife to Gawain and from Gawain to Lord, but Gawain keeps rebuking the wife's attempts at bedding him. And so it turns out that the Lord is the Green Knight who spares Gawain's life because he is "the most blameless knight in all the land" and also a raging homosexual. That is to say, the hero is saved by turning down a woman that was trying really hard to seduce him and by making out with the husband. But as mentioned, this is at most an Easter egg. Ford was likely just trying to be cool in coming up with this name for his crew.

Ford: Some local vegetables; a sorta alligator thingy. It tastes like salted meat, it's good, try it. Sheppard: I'm not talking about the food. What the hell is going on?

Ford answers Sheppard's question all chummy, even slapping his arm in a friendly fashion while both of them know that this is all an act. They are not chums, not any more. Sheppard smiles bitterly to himself because he seems to have to be the one to break up the pantomime and get down to the real issues. He looks back up to both sides of him, to the threatening men standing all around them, letting both Ford and these strange men understand that he gets the set-up here, he gets the game even if he does not know everything that is going on. He gets that they are powerless and at their mercy, and that he is having to be careful with what he says here. But he is letting Ford also know that he is doing threat-assessment and that the young soldier should know better than to underestimate him.

Teyla: Who are these men? And why bring us here like this? Ford: Whoa. That's a lot of questions. Dex: Pick one. Ford: "Pick one". That's good. Where'd you find him, Sheppard? McKay: Maybe you should start with how you managed to escape being culled by the wraith dart, hm?

Note that Ford asks Sheppard a direct question and McKay answers on his behalf, albeit by changing the topic of conversation. McKay is not just jealous of the attention he feels Sheppard gets from women, he also does not know why Sheppard had taken Ronon on as part of the team and is still not quite sure if Ronon is his boytoy. McKay has no insight into Sheppard's motivation for bringing Ronon on to keep him safe because Sheppard does not want McKay to be any wiser about it. And so Sheppard's reasons for taking Ronon on as part of the team and the events that may have led there, starting from himself hanging from a tree on an alien planet, is not something that McKay is all that keen to revisit. And hence, he decides to go ahead and pick one of the questions for Ford to answer, and it is one he is personally curious about. Note that as he finishes his question with his mouth full of food, he purses his lips and turns his face toward Sheppard, probably meaning to imply that this is a question that the both of them would like an answer to.

McKay: What? I get nervous, I get hungry. Ford: OK. The dart.

McKay notices Sheppard side-eyeing him as he stuffs his face and he interprets the look as displeasure. He reminds Sheppard of something that he expects him to already know: when he is nervous, he eats, and we see McKay even trying to chew less noticeably under Sheppard's gaze, not wanting him to be displeased or disgusted by him. And given that Sheppard later describes McKay as eating away his emotions (Tao of Rodney, S03E14), Sheppard seems well-aware of this fact. But it does not mean that McKay's interpretation of Sheppard's look is correct, as well as the two of them generally do read each other.

Sheppard might just as well have been warning McKay not to eat things the source of which they do not know, just as he stopped McKay from tasting the stew of the locals in Condemned (S02E05) when Ronon offered it to him. He knows McKay has allergies, he does not think that Ford or his men are above trying to poison them, and so he would be much more comfortable if he did not have to worry about McKay dropping down dead from what ever he is now eating with gusto. But even further than that, McKay is calling attention to his mouth, his mouth so full that food is poking out his cheek. Sheppard may have seen McKay's cheek like that in another context entirely, and this is not the time that he needs to be reminded of that. He really rather wishes that McKay not do that, and his displeasure at McKay eating with his mouth full because he is such a snooty upper class beau monde who had even taught Ronon how to use cutlery in Duet (S02E04) may not even factor into it. Anyone's table manners are pretty low on his list of concerns right then.

But most of all, Sheppard's look was probably meant to communicate something like "Shut up and let me do the talking. Do not antagonize the unstable trigger-happy person." Let us recall that keeping McKay safe is Sheppard's top priority. He is not here to pass judgement on McKay's eating habits. By now, he has probably been eating breakfast, lunch, and dinner enough times with McKay that he knows perfectly well how he eats. And so Ford begins his explanation, and we get flashbacks to the events of Runner and what had happened to him since, how he has found himself surrounded by all these men with not a woman in sight.

Ford: I have no idea how long I was in the dart. Next thing I knew I was on a cruiser... and I was awake. McKay: It's the enzyme. Makes you almost immune to the wraith stunner so when you're dematerialized from the wraith dart, you're awake as opposed to... Ford: ...as opposed to dead.

What ever Sheppard had meant to communicate to McKay, he seems not to have noticed, continuing both stuffing and running his mouth. Sheppard is clearly trying to look away from McKay and let us just iterate that this is not because he is disgusted by the way McKay is eating, because he seems to have his eyes fixed somewhere between Teyla and Ronon instead and we have a whole scene later showing us that Ronon's table manners are not just as awful as McKay's but possibly even worse. The motivation for Sheppard having diverted his gaze from McKay has to be something else, and he does seem to be purposefully not looking at McKay here. It is possible that the memory of what Ford is retelling here is not something that Sheppard is that keen to remember, having both come close to shooting the young soldier he had trained and to losing McKay, whom Ford had been trying to kill. Ronon had saved McKay's life and Sheppard considered himself forever in his debt for that.

But Sheppard does look back at McKay as he mentions the wraith stunner because, for one, what McKay is saying seems important and more than that, McKay's tone is so casual as to communicate that he has not been traumatized by the events of that day (which might just be a result of him dissociating), so Sheppard need not feel so awful about all of it either.

Note the "tall blonde" named Jace, standing here between McKay and Sheppard. Jace is their scientist and certainly seems to be impressed by McKay's acumen. He is watching McKay talk and gesticulate, and he most certainly does not seem disgusted by what he is seeing. Jace is roughly Samantha Carter's height and has her haircut, which is probably entirely coincidental given his reference to tall blondes and tropical beaches earlier.

Ford: I cut open its enzyme pouch, took my fill, made my way off the ship. You can get around pretty easy on a wraith ship. They're not used to people making it aboard, so there's next to no security. I walked off with enough enzyme to last me a little while. Tracked down the stargate, dialed the first friendly address I could remember. I told them about the enzyme, how it makes you stronger, more aware, more resilient; how it'd give us a fighting chance against the wraith.

If the tall blonde Jace has keen attention for McKay, Ford's second in command called Kanayo, a former Genii spy, sure keeps taking looks at Sheppard. Where Ford probably has no interest in men, these men have chosen to follow him not only because of the opportunity he presented for them in fighting the wraith and becoming better versions of themselves, but also because they wanted to follow him, they were charmed by him into becoming his wildmen.

Sheppard seems thoughtful as he listens to Ford recount his recent history, not sure what to make of all of it yet. He also does not seem comfortable with the way Ford is pacing around, stalking like a predatory animal. Ford seems entirely unpredictable to him and not being able to predict what the young soldier might do is making him uneasy. Sheppard looks away from Ford as he says "I walked off with enough enzyme to last me a little while," his eyes veering to his right in a way that suggests he wanted to exchange a glance with McKay at this. We saw Sheppard, McKay, Weir and Caldwell discuss Ford's possible fate following his capture by the wraith in Weir's office, and it seems Sheppard had been right at least about Ford not giving them up to the wraith.

Ford: I mean, look at me. Look at me! I walked off a wraith cruiser! It works!

McKay mentioned Sheppard's Pavlovian responses in the previous episode and let us note that here, as Ford says the word "look," Sheppard cannot help but look up at him. We have seen him look at McKay previously when this word has been spoken and because McKay seems to pepper his explanations with the command "look," it very much looks like Sheppard has been conditioned by McKay himself to look up when ever this word is spoken. And he does not seem happy at all to be looking up at Ford. What is more, McKay does not look too happy about Sheppard's response here either, looking at him with apprehension. McKay is so caught up in listening to Ford's story that he has actually stopped eating, and he is looking at Sheppard as though wanting to exchange a glance with him, to communicate something between them. And it looks like Sheppard had been looking at McKay up until he was forced to look up at Ford as a conditioned response.

Dex: Wait a second. All your people here, all your men, they're on the enzyme? Ford: Of course. As our numbers kept growing, we needed more and more of the enzyme. Teyla: Aiden, do you mean to tell us that there are live wraith here, in this cave? Ford: That's right.

Ford lays his hand on Kanayo's shoulder in a gesture of closeness and from what we can see of their interaction in the flashbacks, the Genii certainly seems eager to please his new commander. And again, there are no women among their ranks nor do they seem to desire any female companions. All throughout their being captive, it does not appear as though Teyla's virtue is in any danger, and in fact, it later seems much more like McKay's virtue may be in more danger than hers. Make of that what you will.

Ford mentions that there are live wraith within the compound, and the fact that Teyla seems to have been unable to sense them while they are unconscious means that her ability to sense them is somehow keyed into their psychic powers. This again hints at a psychic component to communication between the Ancients as well, something that we may see a few examples of in the next episode.

As Ford confesses that there are live wraith being held captive somewhere in their vicinity, we see Sheppard look up at nothing, seeming to try hard not to show any reaction on his face and avoiding looking at anyone. His internal DEFCON had just gone up a notch, and the way he draws back his mouth may be in memory of the wraith that he had shot to death right in front of McKay not too long ago. He refuses to look at McKay here, and it is not a side of him that he likes to show McKay at all. But it is a part of him, and again we see McKay not think anything at all about it. He loves all parts of Sheppard from straight up murder to hugging puppies.

Teyla: The wraith can communicate with each other over a distance. Ford: But not between stars. They'd have to be in this solar system. You taught me that. McKay: Yes, well, good for me.

As Ford mentions that the wraith are not able to communicate between stars, Sheppard shifts his gaze to McKay surreptitiously, trying to be sneaky about it. It seems as though he immediately had the same thought that Ford verbalizes: McKay had been the one to figure out and tell them all that.

We never actually saw the scene in which McKay had told them this because it was only later reported by Sheppard in The Gift (S01E18) that McKay thinks the scope of their psychic network is limited, but the context in which this happened had not been shown. It seems as though both Sheppard and Ford had been present for this. But much more than that, Sheppard looking at McKay here probably has to do with their shared memories of what had just happened aboard the Aurora, where he had been forced to shoot a wraith to keep it from communicating what it had discovered about the Ancient hyperdrive technology to the wraith cruisers that were fast approaching, and how they had blown up the cruisers themselves for good measure. Again McKay seems to be completely unfazed by something that is causing Sheppard pain or discomfort via self-recrimination, as seen by him worrying his lip here.

Ford: What's the matter? They can't communicate if they're unconscious. Sheppard: Why'd you jump us? Ford: Yeah, yeah, I'm sorry about that. It was the only way to get you here.

Sheppard had been quiet for a noticeably long while, letting the others talk over him and around him while he was listening in, trying to figure out what their situation is and what their options are. It is as Ford mentions unconsciousness and the inability to communicate, which had just happened as they themselves had been jumped, that prompts him to speak up and he basically asks the same question that he had started with that Ford had never answered. He knows Ford had not just invited them to dinner so what was the point? If he would be able to exchange his own freedom for that of the others, he might be able to work with it. He is cautious in looking Ford in the eye here because the young soldier does know him pretty well, and he does not want to give anything away.

Sheppard: Why didn't you just tell us where you were? You know we would have come. Ford: Yeah, you and a Special Ops team. Sheppard: No, no. Ford: I know you think I'm crazy.

Here, again, we are clearly shown that Sheppard is able to lie with a straight face. While he is genuine in his desire to save this young soldier, he also knows that anything that Ford does out there in the galaxy is on him and that it is his responsibility to stop him, permanently if need be. Especially trying to kill McKay is something that had crossed a line for him that he found difficult to put past him.

Ford: I brought you all here to show you that you're wrong. I mean, do I look crazy? Do I seem out of control? McKay: Are we speaking in relative terms or...?

McKay had spent a long time with Ford wading through the forest previously, and his professional opinion had been that the young soldier was not thinking "straight". Again Ford asks a direct question of Sheppard and McKay answers for him, and it could even be that he is voicing something that Sheppard thinks but would never actually say, because he is trying not to needlessly antagonize the man with the gun to their heads. McKay seems to suffer from no such compulsion and it is not even just the presence of Sheppard that makes him brave, he just does not seem to realize the kind of danger they are in as keenly as Sheppard. Later on Ronon actually explicitly points out the fact that McKay running his mouth is putting his life in danger, and it is not until he is left all alone with strangers that are not at all sympathetic toward him that he actually catches on to this fact.

Ford: Look, Jace here has really fine-tuned the enzyme. We know how to administer it now, how to regulate it, refine it. We've gotten so good, we can even lace food with it.

Ford finally points out the tall blonde with Samantha Carter's haircut who has been watching McKay eat, and we see him licking his lips as he looks down at McKay again. He does not appear lecherous in the least, seeming kind of innocent as far as bandits go, but he certainly is enjoying McKay stuffing his mouth. And this man has not looked at any of the others at all the time that they have been standing there. Sheppard seems to be giving the tall blonde some serious side-eye here.

McKay: Excuse me? Ford: Congratulations. You just had your first dose. McKay: What?! Ford: I thought long and hard about how to show you that the enzyme was safe, to convince you that it was the first step to defeating the wraith. So you can convince Weir, convince the military.

As soon as McKay realizes what has happened, he spits out the food. Sheppard is watching him with a slightly sad look on his face and let me point out the fact that there is no "I sure am glad that I didn't eat any of the food" on his face, there is no disgust for the fact that McKay basically retches, no look of displeasure or nausea on him. But we can see how attuned to McKay he is physically in that as soon as McKay throws his head down to spit out the food, we see Sheppard's face do an involuntary movement as though he was going to mirror McKay. This is not his gag reflex in action because, as mentioned, he does not seem disgusted in the least by watching McKay, it is merely him being so aware of McKay physically that him making a sudden movement also makes Sheppard flinch. Jace, on the other hand, smiles, seeming amused by McKay's reaction. But he is not disgusted by the display either.

McKay: Are you out of your mind? Ford: Hey, settle down, McKay. McKay: No, I will not settle down! I've been drugged against my will, you little punk! Teyla: You should not have done this, Aiden!

McKay stands up and bangs the table in a sudden and unexpected fit of rage not because he is angry but because he is afraid. As a man with deadly allergies that has very likely had severe allergic reactions in his past, especially in his childhood, being fed things that he does not know the ingredients of is not a joke. Of course he should never have eaten food the origins of which he did not know but he had done it to calm his nerves, not expecting that someone he had once considered a teammate would try to poison him. Sheppard seems concerned as he watches McKay's reaction, either because he suspects that this is McKay's father coming out of him, and he has heard some stories about that man, or because this reminds him of his own father. It is much more likely that dinners at the McKay household would have contained similar outbursts but then again, this may have echoes of Sheppard's final interaction with his own father. Regardless, he has never seen McKay like this before and where he seems cautious, he is also proud that McKay is standing up for himself. This is a whole new side of him.

Although 'punk' and 'punking' are in common use nowadays, it was originally a gay slur both in the sense of disparaging gay men in the passive roles ("bottoms") but also used by gay men as a slang term to describe men that took the receiving role in anal sex within the community. There is a lot of slang that originated in the "gay underground" that has since become common parlance and lost its original association. The most famous use of 'punk' in reference to a passive participant in male-to-male sex is Julius Caesar who was described, perhaps with intent to insult, by the Roman historian Suetonius, who is reporting the statement of Licinius Calvus, as having been punk in his youth to the king of Bithynia Nicomedes, which had earned Caesar the moniker "Queen of Bithynia."

Regardless of whether Caesar had ever been punk to another man or not, punk is a well-known if obsolete word for an effeminate gay man. It is interesting that this is the first slur that McKay spits out when he has no time whatsoever to think about what he is saying, when it is coming from somewhere in his subconscious, his automated responses. This suggests that he has been called punk in the past, perhaps at a dinner table, and that this may hark back all the way to his childhood. Just like he had called Zelenka "Fumbles McStupid" in Duet (S02E04) with a slur that most definitely seemed to draw from his own ethnic background and made no sense whatsoever with the Czech scientist, so too here punk may be an "I am rubber, you are glue" response on McKay's part, throwing back out there something that has been used to hurt him in the past. Also note his words "drugged against my will," which I'll return to momentarily.

Ford: Hey, be as mad as you want. Couple of days, you'll be thanking me. We'll have a good laugh about this. Now eat up.

Sheppard seems to watch Ford keenly as the man turns to take his leave, not letting his gaze fall from the man. Ronon, who likewise does not appreciate being poisoned, gets up from his seat to get at Ford and it is entirely possible that this was precisely the kind of reaction that Sheppard was feeling but trying very hard to keep himself from expressing. He may not have eaten any food himself but poisoning his team was even worse, and poisoning McKay made him see red. The only thing that kept him calm here was the presence of McKay himself, because starting a shoot-out inside a cave would not keep McKay any safer.

McKay: I'm itchy. I'm itchy all over. This is exactly what happened when I toked pot once in college! Sheppard: Everyone stay put.

This is another one of those curious McKay references to his past that may or may not contain something deeper, not unlike an iceberg where most of the mass is under water. The implied meaning here is that McKay is such a wuss that he has only ever tried pot, and even that he did just once in college. But that is not what he says. He says that toking pot in college once made him itchy, and he is having the same reaction now. But that does not mean that this is the beginning and the end of McKay's relationship with illicit substances.

Pot makes you mellow and relaxed, and while it may make you momentarily feel smarter, it will incrementally make you dumber. Pot is not the kind of a narcotic that McKay would habitually use. But we have actually seen McKay abuse stimulants, starting with caffeine to what ever go-pills Beckett gave him while they were working on the nukes (The Siege, S01E20), and given his multiple PhDs and working for the military, taking stimulants or poppers is much more up his alley. It did not seem like the first time he had taken a stimulant when he asked Beckett to provide him with one.

Note also that later on he administers himself a shot of the enzyme with a needle which is something that takes practice, especially as he seems to have had nothing to make his vein pop. He is practiced in shooting up something into himself. Caldwell also explicitly mentions the term "cold turkey" in connection with his experience, mostly used in reference to opiates (which relieve pain, another thing McKay might have been in need of in the past), so there is definitely a case to be made for McKay to be familiar with intravenous drugs even though toking pot is not his thing. His intention here is not to lay out his history of drug use, it is to point out that he is suddenly feeling itchy like he had felt itchy that one time when he had been toking pot.

And note that while this is a classic case of McKay (over-)sharing things from his personal history, his intention here is not to bond with anyone. He is not looking to bond with their captors. However, this may well be something that he has shared with Sheppard in the past and he is merely making a reference to some conversation that the two of them have had previously, thinking that Sheppard would understand his reference. And given that we saw Sheppard share his history with Codeine with Weir in Conversion (S02E07), where Sheppard seemed disappointed by the response he was getting from Weir as though he expected some other kind of a response like if he had been discussing the topic with someone else, say McKay, this kind of information might well have flowed from that experience. If Sheppard had shared the same story with McKay, McKay might have easily shared his experience with toking pot with Sheppard. And because Sheppard was having the conversation with someone else, and there is a whole episode in between these scenes to boot, people will not make the connection. But to re-iterate, McKay is not saying this to bond with anyone here. He is trying to let Sheppard know that he is seriously freaking out, and comparing it with something that he knows he has told Sheppard previously would make sense in that context. We even see him look at Sheppard at the beginning and the end of his anecdote, informing us who he was speaking to.

Sheppard has had it, and gets up to follow Ford to have a private word with him. McKay's anger is one thing but it had soon vanished, and the man was now sounding genuinely afraid. And that is something that Sheppard hoped never to hear from McKay, hoped that McKay would never have to feel. Note that as Sheppard turns to leave he looks at McKay as he tells them to stay put, hoping to calm him down with his tone. He also lifts his hand in a gesture that emphasizes needing the others to stay put but that may have been an aborted gesture at comforting McKay. He wanted to touch McKay's shoulder but he was too far to reach him, and he was still playing the game where he was not intending to let hostiles know what the most important thing to him is besides, so the gesture comes across as dismissive instead. But make no mistake, Sheppard's whole reason for getting up from the table and going after Ford was McKay and the whole gamut of McKay's reactions to what Ford had done to him.

Continued in Pt. 3

[spiralinghours]

“On Display”

Fandom: Saw franchise

Characters/Pairing: Detective Mark Hoffman x Special Agent Peter Strahm

Rating: 18+ (R)

Tags/Warnings: Feeding kink/fat fetishism/belly kink, mild pet play (use of animal name calling… pig play maybe?), dominant Strahm and submissive Hoffman dynamic

Summary: Hoffman’s weight is a little more obvious and Strahm gets excited seeing public reactions. Strahm also invites Hoffman over for a little more pet treatment.

Author’s Notes: The 4th follow up or installment after “Filth”… Dunno if I’ll do more in this specific series, though I do like the idea of of more domestic pet Mark, so we’ll see. As usual, hope y’all like.

Thoughts of the conflicting, heated interaction in his office had lingered like a sheer reverie or a fuzzy nightcap in Mark’s constant thoughts. It made sense the way it would go on to subconsciously affect his nighttime after hours binges—seeking comfort in the richness of food, but also reaching a gratification in the lustful act of devouring everything he could, feeling himself stretch, wanting Strahm to see the results of his secret, shameful activities. Mark wouldn’t so readily attribute his behavior to just Strahm, but there was no denying he was the catalyst.

Hoffman wasn’t the only one weak over this newfound, fucked up rapport. Strahm did his best to be subtle when he picked up on certain things, but his tense and stern demeanor often lead to snapped pens and pink crescents from the way he clenched his fingernails into his own clammy palm.

It was different things throughout the day that had Peter acting uncoordinated and unwise—squeezing his thighs together so tightly that his sharp knees clanked. Hoffman would be sat in a chair and reach forward for something, displaying both how his—ugh, Peter hated how he’d started using the word—tits shelved over his wide belly, and also just how much of a struggle bending down or reaching forward was becoming. Not to the extent that it was impossible, but definitely in a burdensome way that emphasized every curve, every way in which his gut bowed out.

Peter was squirming.

Mark had also taken to hefting the curve of his gut and undoing the lowest button on his shirt when he didn’t think anyone was looking, anytime he sat down. From there, he would go about his desk work, unconsciously scritching the sides of his belly, cold stare never leaving whatever paperwork was in front of him.

There were other things starting to happen: seemingly innocuous, joking interactions from Fisk or Perez or other higher up’s on the case. (But hardly ever fledgling officers, who feared looking at Hoffman wrong lest they get their heads bitten off… Still, it was evident that behind his back they wanted to snicker.)

Fisk had taken to using cheeky, bearish terms with Hoffman, and saying things like “How’s the bulk going?” or “Getting ready for winter hibernation?” The comments were usually lost on Mark, who was typically focused on whatever inner thoughts were struggling to form, unless they were punctuated with a little poke or soft punch to the belly. All those little touches would merit were dismissive grunts and not much else.

Perez, alternatively, had a more subtle, gentle approach in how her interactions shifted. It was as if she had taken an interest in making sure Mark was taken care of—babied even.

“I didn’t know if you had time for breakfast so I picked up an extra egg and cheese croissant,” she would offer. Some days it would end up being two breakfast sandwiches or pastries, which she claimed was an accidental duplicate, or something she changed her mind about.

Sometimes a plate of cookies, folded neatly into foil wrappings, would be left on Hoffman’s desk, or in front of his office if the door was locked. Lindsey would chalk that up to “Well, since you liked them the last time you tried them…”

Strahm didn’t often outright say anything about the treats, but when Mark caught his glare one day, plate of brownies this time under his inspection, “Perez’s a stress baker,” was all Peter could explain. There was a bitter, curt taunt to his words.

But it was an acknowledgment. Mark hardly took in the connotations of everyone else’s behavior towards him. He only cared what Peter saw and thought.

Overall, Mark’s gut went from making the occasional peek to full on protruding past his suit jacket, leading the way wherever he walked with a slight bounce. Which on that note, his already signature stiff waddle had become… more pronounced.

When it came to his shirts, there were no creases, no wrinkles to suggest any give (save for the few that tugged around his heavy chest)—there was only noticeable tension from the ever-rounding figure that Peter couldn’t ignore. He couldn’t even pretend he was zoning out or staring just past Hoffman. It was too much. He had to say something.

On the afternoon Strahm decided to take action, he cornered Hoffman into a supply closet in a dead hallway. The chemical scent within was so overbearing, adding to Mark’s confusion at being blindsided into the crammed space.

“Are you getting fat on purpose to get a reaction outta me? Are you acting out for attention like some kinda brat? Or are you just that much of a dumb, hungry pigfuck that you can’t tell your suits are getting too small?” Peter rammed Mark against the wall, nearly bouncing his head off the dusty surface. He caged one arm over Mark’s shoulder, while snaking the other one roughly to his side, grabbing a hearty palmful of chub.

An instant, shamed arousal coursed up Mark’s back, tickling up the back of his neck, to the base of his skull. “You been looking?” He finally answered, breathily.

“You want me to look?” Peter roughly grabbed Mark by the cheeks, squeezing hard in one calloused hand, forcing him to make eye contact. “Other people are looking too, you mutt. They know.” He craned his face closer in on Mark’s, nostrils flared, exhales harsh. “You like being an attention slut? huh?”

“I love it,” Mark let himself chuckle in that low, syrupy way—a mess of electric nerves and wanton craving. He splayed a hand over Peter’s grasp on his stomach, pressing into the dense cushioning.

“Don’t say what you don’t mean, Detective.” Peter pulled away, jerking his hand out callously from Hoffman’s touch, as if it insulted him. He took a moment to straighten himself out, fixing his tie and collar. “You sound pathetic. Like you wanna be fondled and coddled like a pet. If that’s what you want—what you really want—come by tonight. I’ll text you my address.”

Mark wasn’t one to say much unless he had some barbed retort to spit out—something very tough guy and witty. The moment would have called for it, but he was at a loss. There was something giddy building in him, something blinding at the prospect of whatever Peter had in mind to… do to him? Other than a casual fucking or getting sucked off, he couldn’t imagine what else there was. But Strahm’s words trickled down languidly in his mind, clawing away, implying something more.

The man was a freak, after all.

For once, despite Strahm walking away again as if nothing happened, there was a later promised.

As twisted and poisonous as the whole runaround was, Mark had to smile to himself.

——

A lot of small details wandered into Hoffman’s mind as he waited, foot tapping, at the retro-patterned wrought iron door to Strahm’s townhome. Many menial things that wouldn’t matter in the next little while: Did his home smell more chemically-clean, or more like spices and seasonings from multiple home-cooked meals? Would it be bare and minimalist, or would Strahm have photos of friends and family tacked up? Did he have anyone outside of Lindsey, for that matter?

Breaking Mark’s stream of consciousness, the interior door gusted inwards, revealing Peter looking past an old iron curl. “Come in,” he stated neutrally.

Mark proceeded as the outer iron door was opened for him, slightly disappointed to take in a mostly minimalist view. The space looked very put-together at least.

“I dunno if you—”

“You like pasta, right?” Peter interrupted, wasting no time on whatever mindless chitchat Mark had to fakely offer.

“Yeah, sure.”

“Perfect. It’s not fancy but you’ll like it.”

Mark followed Peter deeper into the house like a dog, descending into the den that connected to a meager kitchen.

Peter nodded towards the sectional in the den. “I’ll bring you your food in a sec. Try to get comfortable.”

Hoffman had barely shucked off his suit jacket, overcoat, and holster before Peter had sauntered in with a stacked plate of Fettuccine Alfredo in one hand, and a wine glass clasped to a bottle of Lambrusco in the other. Moving past his guest and setting onto the couch as if Mark wasn’t even there, Peter set everything down on the coffee table just to pour himself a glass.

“I bet you’re hungry, huh?” Peter purred, eyes fixed on his wine glass. “When are you not, I guess.” He took a sip and snapped his fingers. “Down on your knees, in between my legs.”

Normally Mark would have thrown around a lackluster “Fuck you” at such a command—a bizarre one at that. But in this case, he sank down, crawling over to fill the space between Peter’s thighs.

“Good dog,” Peter scoffed. He reached for the plate and loaded the fork with a ridiculously heaping amount of fettuccine. “Open your mouth,” he instructed.

Mark did so, already having an inkling where this would go, brain shifting into a strangely calm autopilot. As he eagerly let Strahm push the food so deep past his lips—lapping messily at the sauce trickling down his chin—he felt the reward of a soothing hand rubbing the chubby underside of his chin.

“You’re so well-behaved tonight,” Peter cooed. “Such a good boy.”

Mark only responded with a quiet nod and an expectant, open mouth (tongue hanging out mindlessly).

“More already? Such an appetite. You gonna eat it all?”

Mark nodded obediently, blue irises gleaming up meekly.

“You promise? Even if you say you’re too full?”

He nodded again.

Strahm proceeded to shovel more careless forkfuls past Hoffman’s slick lips and salivating tongue… So repetitiously, in the midst of silently flipping through the cable stations and sipping at his wine, that it was as if Mark was just another inanimate fixture in the room.

Before too long, the sound of a stifled groan followed by a muffled rumble in Mark’s stomach indicated that he had hit a wall. Another fork serving was on its way to his mouth when he shook his head. “That’s enough,” he grumbled.

“Hmm, interesting, because I remember just a few minutes ago you said you’d finish. In fact, you’re almost done with this. You have dessert too, you know.” Strahm’s voice was so cruelly soft yet detached. It wasn’t new, but he was so hard to read.

Mark submitted to the ease and unusual security of waiving control. He settled back into his rigid kneeling position, arms folded behind his back, chin tilted up, mouth open, like a pup waiting for a treat.

The song and dance continued: Peter feeding him the pasta (which, as it turned out, was a serving for four as opposed to one like Mark assumed), and then after, a full pint of fudge ice cream.

By the end of dinner—what Peter deemed the end, ensuring Mark finished everything he instructed him to—Mark was panting stupidly, still kneeling as he was told, but clearly in need of relief.

“I’m so full, please, can I, like, lay down or something? Jesus…”

Peter didn’t speak, just let his heavy-browed gaze momentarily rake up and down Hoffman’s begging form. He took in the way Mark’s sides were starting to curve out along with the rest of his gut, putting such a strain on the every button. Again, Peter moved without indicating his intentions, scrambling around with unexpected red, silken throw pillows of various sizes and layering them strategically in a spot on the couch.

“Next time you’ll have your own little bed,” he explained, “but tonight you can be on the couch. Now, lay down.”

Mark was trying to take in the implication of having to be on something other than the couch, but he was too dazed. That was a later concern. He settled down on the cushy pile and rolled to his side, belly plopping out far in front of him (causing him to wince and whine). Peter had returned to his original seat, reaching his hand over to unfasten Hoffman’s belt, then the button and zipper on his struggling pants. From there he scratched lightly up and down, trailing his fingers across Mark’s gut.

“I’m gonna keep you so well-fed,” he murmured with that familiar sweet viciousness. “You won’t be able to hide what a pig you are. My pet to fatten up, for everyone to see.”

“You’re twisted,” Mark replied, low and hushed, but no intention of arguing.

“Maybe. But you came here. And you keep letting me do this.”

Mark couldn’t disagree.

[theprecuresystem]

Pro-curetember Day 25: Purple!

For Day 25's prompt of Purple, we'll be continuing on from yesterday's post for Baking/Cooking, by translating into English the recipe for the Cat Macaron from Kirakira Pretty Cure A La Mode Episode 5 of the Precure franchise. This recipe is a three star plus difficulty level out of three stars, indicating it is extremely difficult. Keep this in mind when baking.

Let's・La・Mazemaze!

What You'll Need

Macarons

1 egg white (about 35g or 1 and 1/4 oz)

30g, or 1oz. of granulated sugar

Small amount of red and blue, or purple food coloring. If you want a deep purple, use gel food coloring. Powdered coloring tends to make the color muddy, so use a lighter purple if using powdered.

40g Almond Flour

40g Powdered Sugar

Filling & Top Decorations

40g unsalted butter

50g powdered sugar

40g cream cheese

A little food coloring

Some raspberry jam

1 purple chocolate pen.

If using store-bought purple macarons and cream, you can move to the decoration step found in Step 12.

For your pre-preparation, Line a baking sheet with baking paper. Preheat your oven to 170 Celsius, or 338 Fahrenheit. Chill the egg whites. Sift together the Almond Flour and Powdered Sugar. Bring the butter and cream cheese to room temperature.

Step One

Put the egg whites in a bowl and whip until they form slight peaks. Add the granulated sugar and whip further until they form stiff peaks and become fluffy. Be careful, because if there is oil or moisture in the bowl, or if there is egg yolk mixed in with the egg whites, the mixture will not foam properly.

Step Two

Add your chosen food coloring to the mixture you made in Step One, and mix until you get the color you like. Fold it in until the batter is smooth, using a macaronage, if you wish for the color to be a little darker. A lighter color may be closer to your image, though.

Step Three

Sift the almond flour and powdered sugar mixture you made in the Pre Preparation into your mixture from Step Two, while still folding it in a macaronage.

Step Four

The dough should go from lumpy to smooth and shiny, and when you lift it, it should fall in ribbons and overlap. If you mix it too much, it will be runny, thin, and not rise too well. If you don't mix it enough, it will be crumbly, dull, and cracked.

Step Five

Place into a piping bag fitted with a round tip, and squeeze onto baking paper to a diameter of about 3cm. It might be easier to squeeze the right size if you place a sheet of baking paper with 3cm circles drawn on it underneath your baking paper.

Step Six

Leave it for about an hour to dry, until the surface no longer sticks to your hands when you touch it. It may take longer to dry on rainy or humid days, so work on sunny days with low humidity, if possible.

Step Seven

Bake in a preheated oven at 170 celsius, or 338 Fahrenheit, for about 2 minutes. Open the oven door once for about ten seconds, to lower the temperature, then bake in a 130 celsius or 266 fahrenheit oven for 15 to 18 minutes. Leave to cool on the baking tray.

Step Eight

We're now making our filling. Put the butter and powdered sugar in a bowl, and beat until fluffy. Then, add the smooth cream cheese and beat some more.

Step Nine

Set aside a small uncolored amount, and add your food coloring to the rest, mixing until you get the desired color.

Step Ten

Place a small star tip into a piping bag and pour in the colored cream that you made in Step Nine.

Step Eleven

Find Macarons of similar size, and pair them together, so you know which ones will maintain structure.

Step Twelve

Spread a small amount of raspberry jam onto one of the macarons, and squeeze the colored cream you made in Step 10 on top, then top with the other macaron and place in the refrigerator for half a day to set.

Step Thirteen

Place on a plate and pour the reserved uncolored cream into a piping bag to pipe the ears and center decoration.

Step Fourteen

Dip a purple chocolate pen in hot water, cut the tip, and draw the eyes, whiskers, nose, and tail of the Macaron cat. You can also draw a small star on baking paper and leave in the refrigerator to chill before placing it on top of the center decoration cream.

There you have it, the cat macarons found in Kirakira Pretty Cure A La Mode Episode 5. They're a difficult process and a difficult recipe, so I wish you all the best of luck with this kind of thing, fufufu~.

Procuretember Event by @pro-curetember

[appleciderjulie]

i have more rambles for you guyysss~

i just got back from my fall break vacation to universal studios, and i had a lot of fun!! the highlight of my trip was definitely nintendo world, but i was very disappointed to find that it was all mario stuff. i mean, dont get me wrong, i love the mario franchise, but splatoon will always have my heart

so today i just wanted to talk about what i think some sort of “splatoon world” theme park thing would look like! just a note: i dont actually expect any of this to actually happen, (god forbid nintendo has any sort of splatoon-related stuff available to north america-) but its fun to think about, isn’t it?

first of all, the aesthetic and vibes. i think any of the hubs could work, but splatoon 3’s would probably work the best shape and structure wise. also its my favorite city out of the three and this is my post so i get the final and only say ok

one thing i noticed is that instead of traditional roller coasters, its all “experience rides” which are like the 3d glasses where your seat is shaking to mimic as though you were actually there. having a salmon run ride would be really cool, i think. you can be a salmon run worker, working with a team of 4 to defeat salmonids and collect golden eggs, with a triumvirate battle at the end ofc.

i want the shops to be like the actual in-game stores, like the merch store is hotlantis, and you can get food at a little booth like you do in-game, like a marigold cafe or something along those lines.

anyways i hope you guys dont mind me being delusional about all this, i just got a bunch of ideas in my head and needed to get them out so i could function like a normal person again (nintendo should hire me)

[eggxprocafe]

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[textsfromthetva]

WIP Wednesday (it's 2AM, so it counts)

my good ol' friend seasonal depression is really setting in right now. it actually came sooner than usual this year, and I haven't written a goddamn word for weeks. it sucks. for comfort I've been editing my old WIPs, because at least that feels tangentially like writing, you know?

anyway, during this I rediscovered that trippy X-5/Sacred Timeline!Brad Wolfe fic, and it's still pretty good for a first draft! so that's what you're getting. with no context, because explaining what the fuck is going in this fic would take all night. onward!

The parcel arrives by courier, which X-5 finds mildly amusing when he opens it and concludes that it’s something as boring as a movie script. “It’s standard protocol these days,” Brad says. “Industry safety measures, you know.” “In case someone gets a hold of the top-secret plot of-” he squints at the title page. “Zaniac.” Brad shrugs. He’s in the process of cooking a breakfast that’s so late it’s probably brunch by now, hence why he’d made X-5 answer the door. “That’s how it works. The fact that he didn’t make you sign a proof of delivery was a major slipup. I mean, you could be anybody.” X-5 arches an eyebrow. “Yeah, we look nothing alike.” Brad laughs quietly and starts piling food on their plates, just as the kettle starts whistling on the stove. “Did you learn to fake my signature though, darling?” As a matter of fact, yes, yes he did, and he’s getting good at it too. Which isn’t something Brad needs to know, and lying to him is getting difficult, so X-5 changes the subject instead. “So what’s it about?” he asks, sitting down by the kitchen table. Brad puts a plate in front of him and pours him a cup of tea. X-5 thanks him with a nod. “Think Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde,” he replies as he sits down himself. “Kinda.” X-5 flips open the script and starts scanning a random page in the middle, absentmindedly picking up a piece of toast. “It’s a horror movie,” he concludes after a page and a half. “It’s not,” Brad insists. “It’s an elevated thriller.” X-5 snorts. “God you’re pretentious.” “No, the producers are pretentious.” He takes a sip of his tea. “Look, it’s not high art, but it has the potential to really cement my name in the public consciousness. People love this stuff.” “You’re already famous,” X-5 points out. “You can always get more famous,” Brad says. “And the production company is going to try to build a whole franchise, multiple mediums and all that. This apartment doesn’t pay for itself, you know.” He pauses, then cracks a smile. “Plus, I’m currently living with someone who is putting my grocery budget to the test.” X-5, who had been in the process of shoveling scrambled eggs into his mouth, goes perfectly still. “I’m joking, darling,” Brad says, gently reassuring. “It’s flattering, that you like my cooking. I’m assuming you’re not used to good food.” “I’m not,” X-5 admits. Another thing the TVA really doesn’t prioritize.  “Well, that’s in the past now. Feel free to take advantage of your improved circumstances.”

I had forgotten how utterly fond I am of Sacred Timeline!Brad Wolfe, a character I made up entirely in my own head. I just think he's neat.

[prismaticpichu]

POTENTIAL (spoiler free) HOT TAKES; DO NOT TOUCH STOVE 🔥

~

As I continue to scarf down Rebirth food like a rabid chimpanzee, I’m starting to come to an interesting realization:

I think I discovered a new reason as to why I love CC so much among the compilation. And that is bc it is debatably the easiest content in all of the 7 series to follow/digest. Don’t get me wrong- the writing is still messy and holey and did throw a bit of a wrench into pre-established canon. But chopping all of that off and looking at the game for what it is…? Idk! It’s not too rough to swallow. We have our steady main character who we see develop/grow tragically jaded, we have a villain we relatively follow till the end, we have our side character who we also see progress/regress/however you wanna put Seph’s cheese falling off the cracker. The only really boggler in the plot imo is admittedly Angeal, with his wishy-washy good guy-bad-guy conscience, but his sole presence is still not enough to completely muddy the story if you ask me. CC’s still a fun and memorable and enjoyable ride, and the plot beats are easy to process and hit just as hard as any other game in the compilation.

Now, OBV, Crisis Core has some canonical reasons for being more linear and objective: this is technically the “real” story, with Zack’s memories and all, and so it’s freed from all that ambiguity and haziness of Cloud’s journey in OG. But at the same time……. that’s kinda my point, lol? Like, again, don’t get me wrong- on one hand, og does a phenomenal job in creating tension and uncertainty and capturing Cloud’s identity crisis by making scrambled eggs out of his memories. But on the other hand, it’s also… a taaaadd much? Like to the point where it’s nearly impossible to actually understand the story on the first go. And there’s nothing wrong with it taking a few playthroughs to fully grasp things! It adds a sense of replayability. But if you don’t have that kinda patience, the whole thing can be a tad frustrating and confusing. And, idk, Ig my point is that Remake/Rebirth kinda falls into this same trap. The games are such, such, SUCH a fun ride (really! <33), but boy do I feel like I’m untangling tangled earbud wires trying to understand some of the game- especially in the homestretch. It’s just a real big meaty sandwich to swallow, and it can be a bit overwhelming lmao. Not to the point where it ruins its enjoyability- cause again, the story’s mainly a blast- but it’s admittedly hard to get 110% immersed in the world when I’m left trying to actively break down what’s going on. I won’t go into any specific details for spoiler reasons, tho I’m sure y’all understand from Remake alone where most of the confusion lies/in which elements.

The last thing I wanna do is be too negative tho. Needless to say these games and franchise is incredibly special to me, and I adore so much about Rebirth so far. The character interactions are near perfection, the stakes have never ever been higher, and there is soooooooooooo much to explore!! <33 And it’s also prolly worth mentioning that I’ma person who gets confused VERY easily lol. So it’s very possible that I’m struggling more than usual to grasp everything, and it’s creating some skewed judgment. But I thought it was worth sharing my thoughts regardless.

Thx for listening to my ramblings! Hope y’all are having a wonderful day <3333 Keep up the hype!!!

[sanctum-of-ramshackle]

TWST: Hot Pot/K-BBQ

[Synopsis]: All eight dorms trying Hot Pot/K-BBQ.

[(A/N)]: The family and I went out for Hot Pot during New Year’s Eve in which this idea popped up because I don’t think anyone else thought of this.

[TW]: Some cursing in the HCs and food.

[Edit]: There would be some changes to the writing as I realized there’s some grammatical errors needing to be fixed.

HEARTSLABYUL

Riddle Rosehearts

A first-timer as the concepts of cooking for yourselves at a restaurant is completely foreign to him.

Still new to everything, he probably tried to count how long the food is supposed to cook and/or what to combine which sauces unless there’s a guide to mixing up the franchise’s signature dipping sauce.

Overall he’ll definitely enjoy the experience.

Unless a certain duo ruins the moment.

Trey Clover

Obviously the “unofficial chef” of the group.

Helps orders most of the food for everyone and the other members pitch in for what they want to try.

Has to remind everyone not to forget to eat their vegetables.

He may have more than one dipping sauce from the sauce bar.

Definitely has interesting combinations of food during Hot Pot/K-BBQ.

Cater Diamond

The one who recommended trying out Hot Pot/K-BBQ.

The type who would try out the viral trends involving these kind of eateries like the Meat Strip twirling trend. (Totally did not accidentally flung his strip somewhere at somebody’s face.)

If there’s Hot Pot, he’s ordering the spiciest broth; if there’s K-BBQ, he’s ordering the spiciest marinated meat. Either spicy Bulgolgi or Samgyeopsal.

He takes many pictures and records everything for MagiCam.

Ace Trappola

Most definitely orders more meat/seafood until Trey reminded him to eat his greens.

He would be impatient waiting for the food to be safe to consume.

Would definitely attempt to take one bite of a lettuce wrap. (He almost choked-)

He would fight against Deuce for the last piece of Kobe beef.

Deuce Spade

Would try anything if he likes it or not.

Definitely would order 계란찜 [Gyeran Jjim] [Korean steamed egg] as one of the side dishes.

Planning on taking his mother and grandmother out for Hot Pot/K-BBQ next time.

Would also fight against Ace for the last Kobe beef until Riddle scolded the two.

SAVANACLAW

Leona Kingscholar

We already know this motherfucker hates vegetables so he only orders from the meat section of the menu.

Probably goes to an high-end Hot Pot/K-BBQ restaurant.

Definitely has Ruggie in charge of cooking the food.

Doesn’t really order side dishes.

Ruggie Bucchi

Oh, he hit the jackpot.

He would order something expensive and new because the Savanaclaw Dorm Leader is paying for everything.

Put in charge by Leona to cook the food and also getting the dipping sauces.

If allowed, he’ll ask the waiter/waitress to pack some leftovers so they’re sent to his granny and the other kids back home.

Jack Howl

Actually enjoying the experience.

He’ll order assorted meat and vegetables moderately while also creating his own dipping sauce of his liking.

Waits patiently for the food to be ready to consume.

Would go again, but next time with the First Year gang.

OCTAVINELLE

Azul Ashengrotto

Absolutely coming up with new ideas for the Monstro Lounge while trying out Hot Pot/K-BBQ.

He’ll order whatever he thought would be a new idea as a upcoming concept for the menu back in his business.

If it’s Hot Pot, I can see him ordering a Miso-based broth.

He would absolutely strike up a deal with the restaurant’s owner if they can collaborate with their establishment and the Monstro Lounge.

Jade Leech

One word. Seafood. (Minus any conger eel.)

With Hot Pot, he’ll order some wood ear fungi (plus other assorted mushroom) and let me tell you, they tasted amazing while having a crunchy texture.

With K-BBQ, King Oyster mushrooms (or any available edible fungi) with everything. (Unless he somehow snuck his shrooms in.)

He has patience for the food to be ready to consume.

Floyd Leech

Orders mostly seafood, especially a ton of shrimp related items like Shrimp paste balls, prawns, etc.

Also waits impatiently for his food to be ready.

Has ordered some side dishes to munch on.

He would also try doing one bite of a lettuce wrap. (Not surprisingly, he didn’t choke.)

SCARABIA

Kalim al Asim

Absolutely having a great time trying an experience where you cook food in front of you.

He’s the one asking if the food is ready yet.

Kalim: Is it ready? How about now? What about now?

Has to be careful not to burn himself as he’s basically cooking up close.

Very generous to paying for everything. (Staff members having a pay day.)

Jamil Viper

We already know he’s the “chef” during the experience.

He also has to taste-test the food if there’s no poison or anything lethal to harm Kalim.

Has the best dipping sauce out of everyone in the HCs.

He probably added his own spices in his broth/the meat during K-BBQ.

POMEFIORE

Vil Schöenheit

Last time he went out in public to a Hot Pot/K-BBQ, all franchises of the name were packed with his fans.

Most likely went to a high-end Hot Pot/K-BBQ restaurant like Leona.

He’ll order an herbal-based/a vegetarian broth and more on vegetables than meat.

He would shower three times as this is a downside for this type of meal, every time after you have Hot Pot/K-BBQ, you would reek of smoky barbecue and strong broth smells.

Rook Hunt

He would voluntarily be the “chef” for Vil.

Would likely to ordered something like coagulated pigs blood. (Why? Probably because it reminds him of his favorite food, Liver pâté.) [(A/N): Also don’t be weirded out from this HC because that’s what I grew up eating with whenever I have hot pot.]

He would praise everything. The food, the atmosphere, the service, and the staff members.

He also needs to shower three times because if he decides to roam around doing his “hobby”, it’s better to not let anyone know where he’s hiding.

Epel Felmier

This country boy is having a great time of his life.

Meat is his favorite so he orders a lot of it, but got scolded by Vil to not forget his veggies.

Like Ace and Floyd, he tried to one shot a whole lettuce wrap. (He barely swallowed.)

He tries to not shower as he doesn’t smell anything, but everyone else can so off to the showers he goes. No protests with Vil.

IGNIHYDE

Idia Shroud

We already know this guy is extremely anxious of going outside without the sanctuary of his room, so he used the equivalent of DoorDash to order Hot Pot/K-BBQ.

He’s picky to some of the food, but gets scolded by Ortho for that.

Would have an effective built-in ventilation system to get rid of lingering smells.

Would order again for a Pre-game meal.

Ortho Shroud

He’s just analyzing the food like from the Culinary Event.

Searches interesting facts about Hot Pot and K-BBQ.

Would find recommendations of different franchises.

Scolds his Nii-san for not getting a balanced meal.

DIASOMNIA

Malleus Draconia

Never had Hot Pot/K-BBQ before because…you know. Uninvited and stuff like that.

Had found out from the other Dorm Leaders during their usual meetings and chatted about their times while dining with their dorm mates.

Now he wants to join and luckily found a decent restaurant to try out with the others.

If there is an ice cream bar at the restaurant, he’s down for it.

Lilia Vanrouge

Oh my god, this old fae would have a blast.

You can imagine he’ll order the most oddest choices from the menus. (Like Coagulated pigs blood, pig brains, Gopchang, chicken hearts, etc.) [(A/N): I need to clarify that not all Hot Pot/K-BBQ places have these items I named off of and as a reminder, most of everything I mentioned is what I grew up eating. It’s part of my culture.]

He would have the most smelliest broth for Hot Pot.

Afterwards, he’ll pack some leftovers and would use them for his cooking.

Lilia: Leftovers for the next few days!

Malleus, Silver, & Sebek: *Sweating bullets*

Silver

This sleepy prince would fall asleep while waiting for the food be cooked.

Would order something for his own, even though Lilia insisted on ordering some items. (You already know what bat daddy will get.)

If there’s Hot Pot, I see him getting a something simple like mushroom broth. (Which is an option at a restaurant I went to with the fam.)

I can totally see him having a food coma after the meal.

Sebek Zigvolt

He would try Hot Pot/K-BBQ because Waka-sama also wants to try out the experience. (Fucking simp follower.)

Definitely orders salmon as a start.

Tries to stomach what Lilia offers from his plate.

Needs to shower afterwards if he doesn’t want to reek of barbecue/hot broth during his knightly duties.

Ramshackle ft. Miyeon Choi

MC/Yuu/[Y/N]

Definitely getting their money’s worth because after all they deserve a feast from going through a ton of messed-up shit. (i.e. Overblot cases, NRC students being assholes, etc.)

Also Miyeon is treating them because variants needs to treat each other/themselves.

Just enjoying their meal from assorted meat to seafood to vegetables to interesting fish cakes. (Almost the whole necessary food groups.)

Miyeon would show them some tips and hacks when doing K-BBQ.

Grim

He was mistaken as a wild animal before entering the restaurant.

After the misunderstanding was cleared up, he’s going to gorge himself with so much food.

Also goes crazy with creating his own sauces but MC/Yuu has to stop him from creating a mess at the sauce bar.

He needs to take a bath because the smell got into his fur. (Smelly feline bastard.)

✨[Reblogging helps creators and creates more content.]💫

[bethanythebogwitch]

Welcome back to the series where I talk about evey fish pokemon’s origins and their real-life inspirations, this time covering gens III and IV.  See here for gens I and II.

Staring off with Carvanha and Sharpedo. Carvanha is based on a piranha, specifically a red-bellied piranha.

"I'm mot really that scary" (image: a piranha)

When I say “based off of” I mean that in a pretty loose way. It really looks nothing like a piranha and more like an artistic depiction of a generic “scary fish”. Let’s talk about piranha because they are probably the world’s most slandered fish. Piranha are not the hyper-vicious super-predators that roam the Amazon devouring everything in their path that media depicts them as. They’re actually omnivores rather than obligate carnivores and mostly scavenge the dead. The stories of them attacking and skeletonizing large animals in minutes come from times when European explorers would be shown displays where schools of piranha would be trapped and starved for a long time to get them to act like that. Attacks on humans are rare and usually happen when the human gets too close to a piranha’s eggs, prompting a warning bite. If you still aren’t convinced that they aren’t fishy murder machines, check this video of River Monsters’ Jeremy Wade getting into a pool of hungry piranha and not getting bit at all

(this is not me telling you to go swim with piranha. Always be cautious when around wild animals)

Like piranha, Carvanha is much more dangerous in groups. Real piranha only school part of the year while Carvanha do it permanently. Carvanha is a river fish like piranha, but it also has a lot of shark features that fit its evolution. It can smell blood from far away (a feature of both piranha and sharks) and has the famous placoid scales or denticles of sharks. Evolving Carvanha causes it to go from bony fish to cartilaginous fish in the form of the franchise’s first shark. Sharpedo seems to be a generic shark similar to a great white (it even has countershading) but missing its back half. This is similar to the ocean sunfishes of family Molidae, most famously the Mola mola itself.

(image: scuba divers swimming alongside a mola)

This is funny because sharpedo, an active and very fast ambush hunter, could hardly have a more different lifestyle than the Molas, who are slow and mostly eat jellyfish. Sharpedo is also based on a torpedo, and in later games where it’s ridable it seems to function like a jet ski. Like sharks, Sharpedo has placoid scales that are exaggerated in its mega evolution and faces overfishing from people using its dorsal fin in food. Mega Sharpedo having denticles on the sides of its snout point to inspiration from the sawfish, a shark relative.

Easily one of the fakest-looking real fish (image: a sawfish)

Barboach is a loach while Whiscash is a catfish. Barboach seems to specifically be a pond loach, which buries itself in sediment to avoid danger (hence the ground typing), can sense changes in weather (a big deal in this gen), and are common food fish and aquarium pets. Loaches are long and skinny and have barbels like Barboach.

(image: a loach)

Barboach may also draw from the loach catfish, which is a catfish that looks like a loach, tying into its evolution. Wishcash may also be based on the loach catfish, but it look much more like a conventional catfish. Whishcash’s connection to earthquakes (both causing and sensing them) is inspired by a creature from Japanese legend. Namazu is a gigantic catfish living under the islands and guarded by a god who restrains it with a rock. When the god’s guard slips, Namazu thrashes about and causes earthquakes.

(image: a depicition of Namazu)

Both loaches and catfish have barbels that are used for sensing. These barbels help both groups of fish live in very murky water by making them less reliant on sight. Because of this, loaches and catfish can live in water with very poor visibility and lots of sediment in the water column. Barboach and Wishcash can likewise be found in very muddy water and other places of poor visibility, like caves. Them being found in caves in some regions may also reference blind, cave-dwelling catfish.

Feebas is a bass, though it’s more based on the story of the ugly duckling. Just like in the story, you start out with a ugly little creature and turn it into something beautiful. I’m going to be perfectly honest, I don’t really see much bass in Feebas, I think it’s based much more on Magikarp than a bass, who are often pretty powerful predators, something Feebas isn’t. like with Mgikarp, I won’t be discussing Milotic in this as I think it’s a sea serpent rather than a fish.

Ok so there is a good explanation for why a fish evolves into an octopus. I hoped I could find a good explanation for why a clam evolves into eels, but I simply have no explanation for the Clamperl line. Huntail and Gorebyss really have no connection to their pre-evo. I won’t talk about Clamperl since (and this is some high-level biology so I hope you can follow me) clams aren’t fish. Both final form are based on deep-sea eels and eel-like fish. Huntail seems to have some basis with the gulper eel as both are sit-and-wait predators with very large mouths, though Huntail is a more active predator as it does have some powerful teeth.

Turns out gulper eels are a lot goofier than you'd think (image: a gulper eel with its mouth inflated)

These teeth may draw influence from other deep-sea predators with massive chompers, like viperfish or the fangtooth. Its use of its tail as a lure is a reference to the various deep-sea fish that use bioluminescent lures to attract prey. This is an example of caudal mimicry, where an animal’s tail mimics something else to lure in prey. A cool example of this is the spider-tailed horned viper, which you should look up if you don’t like bugs, I promise it’s definitely not really creepy. Finally, Huntail’s general longness, color pattern, and crest are references to the oarfish, one of my favorites. This deep-sea longboi is a rare sight at the surface but is believed to be responsible for stories of sea serpents because of how huge they can get.

Long, long man! (image: an oarfish)

Gorebyss similarly has a complex origin for a very forgettable Pokémon. It seems to primarily be based on snipe eels, which are deep-sea eels with long, slender jaws.

(image: a snipe eel)

Gorebyss’s jaws are fused into a needle, which is similar to pipefish, a relative of seahorses with a very similar fused snout. Some inspiration could also come from the deep sea-dwelling long-nosed chimeras, some species of which have a long, conical snout very reminiscent of gorebyss’s head shape.

(image: a long-nosed chimera)

Unlike most of its influences, Gorebyss is an active predator and its habit of stabbing its prey with its snout and injecting digestive juices to slurp its prey dry seems to be in reference to spiders and mosquitos.

Hot damn, Hoenn has a lot of fish. The next up is Relicanth, which is a pretty straight-forward reference to the coelacanth.

(image: a rare picture of a wild coelacanth)

Both are very ancient fish thought to have gone extinct until they were rediscovered in modern times. This makes them examples of what scientists call a Lazarus taxon. Ceolacanths are pretty cool fish. Along with lungfish, they are the only surviving lobe-fined fish. These fish were separated from the more common ray-finned fish by having their fins seated on fleshy lobes extending from the body, usually with bones in them (lungfish have lost the bones). Also when I say that coelacanths and lungfish are the only surviving lobe-finned fish, that’s not exactly true. It’s a principle in taxonomy (the study of how groups of life are related) that you can’t evolve out of your ancestry. You belong to every group your ancestors belonged to, even if you started a new group they aren’t part of. Tetrapoda is the clade of four-legged vertebrates skeletally adapted for life on land and they evolved from lobe-finned fish. That means every mammal, reptile, amphibian, bird, and so on, including yourself, is a lobe-finned fish. Coelacanths are most famous for being rediscovered alive and seemingly unchanged when they were thought to have gone extinct millions of years ago. They are often called living fossils for how little they appear to have changed. This term is pretty misleading and many biologists don’t like using it. In fact the coelacanths of today are different than those that swam with plesiosaurs, pretty radically in some cases. Coelacanths are often used in arguments by cryptozoology enthusiasts for why their favorite  dinosaur/plesiosaur/megalodon/whatever could still be alive and unchanged today despite leaving no fossil record. However a fish remaining relatively similar to its ancestors due to living in a very stable environment that doesn’t have the selective pressures encouraging radical change is very different than an apex predator or massive reptile doing so in an environment that has undergone massive changes and multiple major extinctions. I’ll link a video for more on why the coelacanth is a red herring in these kinds of arguments.

Finally finishing out Hoenn we have Luvdisc, possibly the most unnecessary Pokémon ever. Someone please give this poor fish an evolution so it can finally have a purpose. Paldea gave us updates to Delibird and Dunsparce so it’s definitely possible for Luvdisc to get some love. Anyway, it’s a discus fish. These are thin-bodies cichlids whose dorsal and anal fins make them kind of look like hearts, though Luvdisc is missing the tail fin.

(image: a discus fish)

Like the discus fish, Luvdisc is a social species. Luvdisc's kissing behavior draws primarily from the kissing gourami. These fish engage in behavior where they press their mouths against each other. Scientists believe that this is a form of ritualized aggression, but people think it looks like they’re kissing so these fights have become a symbol of romance.

(image: two gouramis "kissing")

They aren’t the only fish that mouth fight. Another species that does this is the sarcastic fringehead, who looks considerably less romantic.

(image: two male sarcastic fringeheads fighting)

After the piscine flood in Hoenn, Sinnoh comes along and introduces a grant total of one fish line, though I will give an honorable mention to the Gible line for being shark plane dragons. Finneon and Lumineon are based on a variety of pretty fish often seen in aquariums, though their fish resemblance to butterflies indicates they are based on the butterflyfish. They have a much closer appearance to the freshwater butterflyfish than the more popular and unrelated saltwater butterflyfish. Both the freshwater butterflyfish and the Finneon line can glide above the water if they build up enough speed. The line’s bright colors may be a reference to brightly-colored tropical fish or aquarium fish like neon tetras. Lumineon actually bioluminesces to attract prey, but risks attracting predators at the same time, a behavior seen in many deep sea fish. it is said to dwell on the sea floor and walk on what I assume are its pelvic fins, which may be a reference to the deep-sea tripod fish.

That's it fro generations III and IV. Next time I'll cover generations V and VI. Hopefully it won't take me nearly as long to get that up.