#edwina week

[lavellenchanted]

one diamond to another

Written for @edwinaweek, Day 1: Diamond

-

Edwina is sat beside her mother and trying to untangle a knot that’s appeared in her embroidery thread when Lady Danbury’s butler appears in the doorway of the drawing room, though she’s so engrossed in what she’s doing that she doesn’t notice until he clears his throat.

Lady Danbury glances up quizzically from the book she’s reading. “Yes, Wilson?”

“There’s a visitor for Miss Sharma, my lady,” Wilson says. 

A surprised silence falls over the room, as all three women take this in. Mary turns questioningly to her daughter, but Edwina is as baffled as she is - it is long past calling hours, and she is not expecting anyone. It cannot be Kate; she usually sends a note before she calls and if she did turn up without warning, Wilson would show her straight in rather than announcing her.

“A gentleman visitor . . .?” Lady Danbury asks, with rather too much optimism in Edwina’s opinion. She has not had a suitor all Season. 

(Well, not a proper one. There were the overtures that Sir Marcus Haverley had made but it hadn’t taken long realise they were only because he had been encouraged by Anthony Bridgerton so Edwina had quickly put a stop to that.)

Still, for one, wild moment Edwina’s mind goes to golden hair and blue eyes and she wonders, if maybe - maybe . . .

“No, my lady,” Wilson’s reply cuts off that thought before she can fully form it. She tells herself that she never expected otherwise, and that it would be foolish to feel disappointed, but she’s not quite sure she believes it. “It is Lady Elizabeth Spencer.” 

That brings Edwina back to the present and she blinks, not feeling any more enlightened. Lady Elizabeth is the daughter of the Marquess of Wycombe, and last month was named the Diamond of the 1815 Season. Edwina has also never spoken more than two words to her in her life, so why she’s here - and at such an unexpected hour - she really couldn’t say.

“Indeed?” Lady Danbury’s eyebrows stretch upwards, but that is the only sign of her own bemusement. “Very well, show her in.”

Wilson bows and steps out of the room, returning a few moments later to announce the young lady properly. 

“Good afternoon, Lady Elizabeth.” Lady Danbury and the Sharmas all murmur their greetings, dipping into polite curtsies (Lady Danbury’s being rather shallower than the Sharmas’, since she outranks Lady Elizabeth and they do not).

“Good afternoon Lady Danbury, Mrs Sharma, Miss Sharma.” Lady Elizabeth smiles at them all in turn before curtsying herself. She is a delicate looking thing, with high cheekbones and wide blue eyes, everything about the way she holds herself announcing that she is a refined, aristocratic young lady.

In a strange way, it’s like looking in a mirror; as different as their colouring might be, Edwina sees her own, tense posture in the way Lady Elizabeth stands, her shoulders pulled back a touch more than is natural, her head held high in a way that suggests more that she wants to appear confident more than that she is - like she is trying to compensate for a great weight placed upon on her.

Edwina is beginning to suspect she knows why her visitor might be here.

“Miss Sharma,” Lady Elizabeth looks towards her. “I hope you will forgive my calling in this unexpected manner. I was wondering if I might speak with you.” Her eyes dart nervously towards Mary and Lady Danbury and then back again. “Perhaps in private?”

“Of course.” Edwina deliberately does not look at her mother or their host, quite sure they will be burning with curiosity - but they can hardly insist that Lady Elizabeth take them into her confidence and it is not as if Edwina speaking privately to another young lady would be considered inappropriate. “It is still light, we could take a turn about the gardens?”

Lady Elizabeth’s shoulders visibly relax and she smiles. “That sounds perfect.”

There’s a small gazebo at the far end of the gardens - as far away from the windows and prying ears as it is possible to be - built of wooden trellis, with roses climbing its sides and a stone bench beneath it. Edwina talks lightly of the flowers around them and what’s in bloom as she leads Elizabeth to it, and waits until they are both seated before asking,

“So, what is it I can do for you?”

Elizabeth sighs a little and brushes some invisible piece of lint from her skirts before answering. “It is only - well, I wished to ask if you -”

She pauses, but seems to be trying to find the right words rather than cutting off, so Edwina waits patiently for her to continue.

“It is only … there is so much pressure,” Elizabeth finally says, closing her eyes for a moment. “Everyone expects me to be perfect, all the time, and I feel as if I am walking a tightrope. One wrong move . . .”

“And you will go crashing down,” Edwina finishes for her.

“Yes. So you felt that way, too?”

It is a question asked in all sincerity, and yet it gives Edwina the strangest urge to laugh. Privately she cannot help but wonder if a year ago she looked that innocent and uncertain, that unprepared. She rather thinks the answer is yes, and it makes everything that happened to her seem that much more cruel.

“I did,” she says, sympathetically. “I wanted to prove the Queen had been right to choose me above everyone else. And I wanted to make my family proud. I knew they were counting on me making a good match.”

For all she had not known the extent of their troubles, she had known that much. How could she not? It was made clear they were only travelling from India for one reason, that being finding Edwina a husband. She couldn’t fail them, and make the entire journey - not to mention all the years of work Kate and her mother had put in teaching her and making sure she was ready to marry - worthless. It was the only thing Edwina had ever been able to do for them; to make sure she was perfect, shining, everything they wanted her to be. 

Elizabeth is nodding eagerly. “Yes, exactly - I���ve tried talking to my friends about this, but they don’t understand. They envy me, think it’s wonderful that so many gentlemen wish to call on me. But I find it all so - so overwhelming. My parents and my brothers, even the Queen all have an opinion on who would be the best match.”

“I don’t really know that I can advise you there,” Edwina remarks lightly, but it takes enormous effort to keep her voice soft. “I was resoundingly mistaken on that front.”

Mistaken. What a nice, blameless word.

Deceived would be more accurate, but that would sound bitter and Edwina has worked very hard not to let anyone think her still resentful or angry. 

(She is, but she is not ready to examine those emotions yet. Another day.)

“I’m not really expecting advice,” Elizabeth says. “I shall have to make up my own mind eventually, I suppose. I only wished to talk to someone who might understand.”

Edwina smiles. “One Diamond to another.”

“Precisely.” There is a beat and then - “I thought you were very brave, you know.”

“Pardon me?”

Elizabeth blushes. “I was there. At your wedding. And when you ran I - I was shocked. But I thought how brave you were, too. Almost everyone I know would simply have gone through with it rather than deal that sort of scandal. I never imagined you could walk away from your own wedding.”

Now that is a surprise. Edwina’s infamous flight from the altar has been described many ways by many people, but she doesn’t think she’s ever heard it called brave before by anyone. 

Very suddenly, she feels a wave of protectiveness towards the young woman next to her. They can’t be more than a year or so apart in age, but she feels so much older and jaded and she decides there and then in that moment that if there’s anything she can do to make sure Elizabeth keeps her innocence then she will.

“It was . . . a difficult choice,” she admits ruefully. “I said I couldn’t offer you advice, but I suppose I can offer you this: whatever choice you make, remember it is you who will have to live with it. And you who will be looking back one day and possibly regretting it. I called off my wedding because I knew I would regret going through it more than I would ever regret the fallout, no matter how hard that might be. If you pick a suitor, do so because he is right for you, not for anyone else.”

“Do you?” Elizabeth asks. “Regret the fallout?”

“Sometimes. It has . . . not been easy, on me, or on those who still call themselves my friends. And I know I have the Queen to thank for saving me from it being worse. But I know I made the right choice, and that sustains me.”

To her surprise, Elizabeth reaches out and takes her hand, squeezing it lightly. “I still think you are very brave. And I thank you, for the advice. There is a gentleman . . . he is not the highest ranking of my suitors, but he is the kindest and I do - I do think I like him.”

A faint flush creeps into her face as she says it, and Edwina is left with the impression that Elizabeth rather more than likes this man, whoever he is.

“Then I am very pleased for you.”

“Perhaps I might introduce him to you? Will you be at the Fairfield Ball?”

Smile dimming a little, Edwina shakes her head. “No, I do not believe I received an invitation.”

Elizabeth looks surprised, then embarrassed, then annoyed, all in quick succession. “Well, you will. Lady Fairfield is a close friend of my mother, I’ll speak to her tomorrow.” 

“Oh, you do not have to do that -”

“I know I don’t. But I wish to. We Diamonds should stick together, should we not?”

She smiles so brightly that it is impossible not to return it - and for the first time it what feels like a long time, Edwina feels a blossoming of something hopeful unfurl inside her.

“Yes,” she agrees. “Yes, I think we should.”

[bridgertonbabe]

For the Strictly AU, I'm thinking Kate isn't the only one in her family to get into dancing professionally and get hired by the show.

As a toddler Edwina had always fidgeted in Mary's lap as they watched Kate's ballroom classes, desperate to wriggle out of her mother's grasp and join her big sister and the rest of the class in learning how to waltz. Whenever Kate practiced at home Edwina would insist on dancing with her and she'd eagerly call their parents to come and watch them dance. Naturally as soon as she was capable enough she joined the ballroom classes, her interest never waning in the slightest and her love of dance only building lesson by lesson. The older she got, the more she wanted to follow in her sister's footsteps and compete nationally, wishing to emulate Kate when she watched her win her first championship at the Blackpool Tower ballroom. She would go on to achieve the very same title as her sister four years later, as well as secure other championships all across Europe, before being cast in a live dance show that toured the world. And then she was presented with an offer she had been dying to receive ever since Kate had got the gig - a role as a professional dancer on Strictly. From the casting producer's perspective it was a no-brainer of who to replace Kate as she took maternity leave, and of course Edwina ecstatically accepted with her sister's blessing.

She was slightly apprehensive of who her celebrity partner might be, worried that as a newcomer she might have to pay her dues by pairing up with a rhythmically-challenged contestant before she got the chance to perform with someone even half-decent. However she was pleasantly relieved when she was paired up with wildlife cameraman and presenter Matty Bagwell. On the initial day where the professionals had met the contestants, Matty had been very shy and apprehensive to even be taking part in the series, but Edwina had observed that despite his modesty there was definitely potential to work with simply in the natural way he moved in time to the music and how he was far lighter on his feet than he gave himself credit for.

As rehearsals started, Edwina was massively impressed by just how natural a ballroom dancer he was, barely needing any coaching in perfecting his posture and having a seamlessly perfect top line. She was pleased as punch when the judges sang their praises in the very first week and though she wanted to keep the momentum going, Matty struggled with their next couple of dances, feeling self-conscious and down on himself and expressing how bad he felt for letting her down. Edwina assured him that he could never disappoint her and encouraged him not to hang on to the previous week's dance, and instead start afresh with their next routine, telling him that she truly had utter faith that he had the potential to go very far in the competition, if only he believed in himself as much as she believed in him. With her words motivating him, Matty put his all into rehearsals for the next week and the efforts paid off massively as they topped the leaderboard the following Saturday with the highest score of the series thus far with this routine;

Edwina was positively over the moon that her dance partner was letting go of his inhibitions and embracing the joy of dance, and he only continued to excel in every routine they did as the series progressed. She couldn't be prouder of him week after week, and she was always so incredibly touched with how much he expressed his gratitude to her and credited her for her wonderfully thought out choreography and the patience and grace she provided him with as his teacher. As the competition wore on, their bond deepened and Edwina took great pleasure in being in his company within the confines of the show and out of it.

"Ooh, Matty took me bird-watching the other day and get this; we saw a kingfisher!" she regaled her pregnant sister when she joined Kate and Anthony for dinner. "Honestly photos don't do it justice in just how vibrant the colours of their feathers are, and Matty said I was so lucky to see one on my first time on the lookout for them!"

"Oh wow! Did you get a photo?" Kate conversed.

"I didn't, no, and there's no way in hell I'd ever manage to take a snap of it even if I tried, but Matty had his camera on him and managed to take a bunch! It's so funny, he even zoomed out and got a photo of me pointing at it with the dopiest look on my face!"

"So was that for your VT this week?" Anthony asked.

"No, not at all. Matty asked if I wanted to go bird-watching with him and I thought, why not? There's a first time for everything, and who better to go with than a wildlife expert? And I'm so glad I did - oh, I didn't mention we saw a water vole too! Matty said they're on the decline which is so sad because they're so cute,"

Edwina continued wittering away, oblivious to the conspiring looks her sister and brother-in-law shared with one another as they ate their dinner - and notably, Edwina had barely touched her plate due to her non-stop chatter about her day out with Matty.

"Oh, and did you know Matty's not short for Matthew? It's short for Mathius!" she brightly mentioned later on in the evening after she and Kate had retired to the sofa.

"Fascinating, but Eddie; can I ask you something?"

"Sure?"

"This day out bird-watching with Matty... was it a date?" Kate asked carefully with a gentle raise of her eyebrow.

Edwina's mouth hovered open in surprise, not having anticipated her sister's out-of-nowhere line of questioning.

"W-what? No. No. No, Matty and I are just friends."

"Oh. Okay." Kate shrugged.

"But why? Why would you think it was a date?"

Kate smiled at her sister softly and reached over to tuck a stray lock of hair behind Edwina's ear. "You've talked about him all night long, Bon. And I know it's only natural seeing as he's the main person in your life at the moment while the series is running, but I can't help but sense that there's some affection for him." Kate explained. "I don't think I've ever heard you talk about anyone at length the way you've spoken about him. In fact, you seem brighter than ever before since you've been partnered with him."

Edwina was stunned to say the least with her sister's impression of how she supposedly felt towards Matty, though she couldn't deny the strange stuttering in her heart as she processed Kate's assessment of her relationship with her celebrity partner.

"It... it's probably just the high of doing so well on my first series. Why I'm brighter then ever before, like you said." she managed to respond (even if her voice was admittedly feeble-sounding).

"Sure." Kate nodded with a knowing sisterly look before she changed the subject by showing her a bunch of stuff she had recently ordered for the nursery.

However Kate's words stayed with Edwina, weighing heavily on her mind, especially when Matty showed up to the training studio with a bouquet of flowers and a box of Lindor chocolates to thank her for getting him to the halfway point of the competition. For the rest of the week, every time she indulged in the chocolates or stared at the bright orange flowers, Kate's words replayed over and over again as Edwina timidly examined her own feelings towards her partner.

She had liked Matty from the off and she enjoyed getting to know him, gradually peeling back the layers to learn more and more about him. She was utterly captivated by him every time he talked about his passion for wildlife and admired him whole-heartedly for how enthusiastic he was about his chosen career path. She knew without a doubt that she'd do anything to maintain their friendship even after the end of the series - but could she see herself wanting even more than that?

Matty wasn't like anyone she had ever met before. All the people she had primarily dated were fellow dancers, all of them playful and possessing confidence in spades, though the confidence often easily crossed over into arrogance and the competitiveness that came with the territory was insane at the best of times. Anyone else she had dated outside of the dancing world had been perfectly fine, though they always lacked the spark she expected she should feel for someone romantically.

Matty was different. He was shy and retiring, pleasant and laid-back, incredibly knowledgeable and insightful, sweet and soft-spoken, kind and thoughtful. He always vocalised his appreciation for her as a teacher and as a friend, he hung on her every word whenever she was explaining a dance technique or telling him all about the latest episode of Vanderpump Rules, and he gave her the warmest hugs every time they greeted and every time they parted ways. He was a one of kind, he fascinated her endlessly, and she had even gotten into watching nature documentaries just so she could better understand his innate love for wildlife and discuss it with him.

But did that amount to romantic feelings for him? Was Kate on to something? Or was the intense working proximity between them simply making her feel confused about her feelings towards him?

Edwina remained in her inexperienced limbo of denial for the next several weeks, doing everything she could to maintain a purely platonic working relationship with Matty - though it was difficult to implement such a thing when being in his company brought her so much joy and comfort. It became a little easier to ignore her bubbling feelings as they sailed through to the finale, and the intense training schedule provided enough distraction for her to not deal with the deepening affection she held for him.

Much to their shared jubilation, they were named the winners of the series, with Matty dedicating his winner's speech entirely to her. It did nothing to quell her feelings for him; feelings which she could now admit were romantic, if only to herself.

After a raucous after-party to celebrate their victory, Edwina woke up at three in the afternoon the next day. She pottered about her flat as she coped with her hangover, lounging on the sofa until there was a knock at the door. When she opened it she found Matty laden with takeout; a takeout she only just remembered they had agreed to prior to the live finale regardless if they won or not.

While she wished she had tried to make an effort with her appearance, Matty wasn't the least bit fazed with how unpolished she was and cheerfully set out dinner for them and happily chatted with her. Her hangover improved remarkably as they feasted and wittered away together, reflecting on their dance journey and reminiscing on the last three months together. At one point Edwina felt a pang of emotion hitting her square in the chest as she realised this might be the last proper time they'd get to hang out with each other. Matty's win would definitely solidify his prominence in the public eye and with that would come increased job opportunities, and Edwina couldn't help feeling upset at the prospect of the unknown, not knowing what the future had in store and fearing the bond between them would disappear as soon as they weren't in one another's constant company.

"Eddie?"

"Mhm?"

Matty exhaled, drumming his fingers against the table, and she quickly realised he was nervous. Instinctively she reached out, her fingers slotting with his until she was grasping his hand, the action of which surprised him as he stared at their intertwined hands.

"Is everything okay?" she asked him.

"Yeah. Yeah of course... It's just that... there's something I want to say and I just... I don't want to make things weird but if I don't say it now I'm worried I might burst."

"So say it." Edwina encouraged him, her heartbeat starting to pick up in pace and her hope began to rise at the possible reason behind what it was he was dying to say.

He met her gaze, and though hesitant for a second, she saw a determination in him that reared up whenever they practiced a routine and also when he took her bird-watching on his personal quest to provide her with the sight of seeing something worthwhile.

"Edwina." he breathed her name out as his hand gently squeezed hers. "These last three months have been nothing short of amazing, rewarding, life-changing... and I owe that all to you. This experience has meant everything to me. Not just because I learnt how to dance and somehow ended up a winner... but because I met you. Our friendship has meant everything to me, even more than winning the show... and if I'm being honest... I've fallen in love with you."

She inhaled deeply, her heart racing like never before as his confession set off what felt like millions of giddy butterflies in her stomach.

"I'm sorry if me saying that makes you feel uncomfortable because you don't feel the same back, and I don't expect you too either." Matty carried on speedily, desperately wanting to get everything out in fear of her cutting him off and shutting him down. "But I just wanted you to know that I think you're the sweetest, most graceful and patient, intelligent, and beautiful person I've ever met and I've cherished every last second I've had the honour of getting to spend time with you. And I'm sorry if I've ruined our friendship by saying all this because obviously how could someone like you ever like someone like me in that way, but I knew if I didn't say ianything I'd always live with the regret-"

Matty was momentarily startled when suddenly his lips were covered by Edwina's, but as soon as he realised that his feelings were being reciprocated he relaxed into the embrace and kissed her back.

"I've fallen in love with you too, by the way." Edwina withdrew from their kiss to mention. "I've never felt like this about anyone before and I just love everything about you."

The sweetest smile beamed back at her before Matty pulled her back in for a kiss. As her arms wrapped around his neck, Edwina knew that what she and Matty had was the real deal, knowing then and there that she'd never dream of wanting to kiss anyone else but him and feeling exhilarated at the thought of their future together.

[kathanisharma]

if someone were doing an Edwina week what do you think the topics of the days could be?

ooh a good question!

i think relationships would be good, but not just romantic so like a day for her relationship with kate and one for her relationship with mary and then maybe a day for any romantic pairings people ship (im currently obsessed with my archeology gf for her)

i also think something about pre season- so like kate mentioned that she taught edwina for 8 years so an exploration into that sister relationship for maybe the day with her and kate would be cool, kate and her basically spending time together idk if what im saying makes sense but!!

[phantomphaeton]

long past the limerence

Our lips drink water, our hearts drink wine, our souls drink blood—ours is a golden glory.

for @minim236

NOW COMPLETE

[therunwayarchive]

London Fashion Week Fall 2022 (Part 2)

Marques'Almeida

Matty Bovan

Mithridate

Molly Goddard

Nensi Dojaka

Paul & Joe

Paul Costelloe

Poster Girl

Simone Rocha

Yuhan Wang

[writtenbygracewilliams]

Me posting another one shot instead of editing my finished multi chap? More likely than you think.

Bittersweet

FRANWINA SUPERIORITY HAPPY GAY WEEK.

Summary:

Edwina’s life after the 1814 season isn’t what she expected, but it changes even more after another letter from her sister.

or

Edwina wants be something for Francesca after John dies.

Additional Tags:

Canon divergence, canon compliant, post canon fix-it, sapphics, rare pair, not historically accurate acceptance of queers, because I want the girlies happy, I wrote this instead of sleeping, no beta we die like Edmund

–Grace Williams xo

P.S. vote Franwina in the LGBridgertonQA poll and I’ll give you a cookie

[apinchofm]

Okay but who is doing the Edwina Sharma week?

[fancyschmancyopinions]

CHARITHRA CHANDRA at the Messika show at Paris Fashion Week on October 2nd 2022 wearing MAGDA BUTRYM and MESSIKA JEWELRY

I always want to love what Charithra wears. But this look was a little disappointing to me. I loved the hair and beauty look, and all the jewelry. My issue was the dress. I thought it looked a bit wrinkly. The leather really needed to be ironed or steamed. It’s unfaltering around her middle and really draws your eye in a bad way.

[lavellenchanted]

It's Edwina Week! What are your favourite headcanons for this bean?

Ooooh, let's see . . .

She's a very tactile person, very free with her affections when she feels close to someone and needing physical reassurance when she's upset.

She inherited her love of reading from her father - when she was small she would curl up in his lap while he was reading and he would read out loud to her, often weighty histories and philosophy that she was young too to understand at the time but loved because he loved them.

When she got older she reread them herself and loved them for their own sake.

She often hums to herself as she's going about her day.

She's very good at embroidery and sewing, and often remade her own gowns growing up to be economical.

Much as she loves Newton, she's more of a cat person herself and gets a beautiful calico kitten that she calls Lalla, after Lalleshwari

She's an excellent chess player, and takes advantage of the fact that her opponents always underestimate her.

She's very good with babies and small children, and can entertain them for hours with retellings of the fairytales and folk stories her father used to tell her.

So much of her identity was based on pleasing other people and not being A Problem (it was the only thing she could really do help her mother and Kate after her father died, being good and making sure they didn't need to worry about her) that after the disaster of 1814 she has to put the pieces of herself back together and rediscover who she is and what she actually likes and wants and a lot of it surprises her.

Like that although she wears a lot of pink, it's not actually her favourite colour - she likes it, but she wears it so much because she was told she looked pretty and like a proper English lady in it. Her actual favourite colours are greens, blues and yellows.

Or that she doesn't mind opera, but she prefers plays and the drama of the theatre, particularly Shakespeare but she's also partial to Aphra Behn.

She loves lemon flavoured things.

She learned to sing and play the piano because it would be expected of an accomplished lady, but prefers not to perform.

(When she meets him, Friedrich will occasionally persuade her to give him a private performance, which is usually paid for in kisses.)

Diwali is her favourite holiday, and she and Kate always make sure they celebrate together.

When she finally agrees to marry Friedrich and they have to start planning the wedding, she starts getting panic attacks at the thoughts of another hugely public ceremony and everyone watching to see what will go wrong this time.

They can't elope because of Friedrich's status, but a few nights before he takes her to a small chapel where he's arranged for them to have a private ceremony - so she can relax knowing the the big wedding is just for appearances' sake and they're already married.

She has a ring that belonged to her father's mother that she wears as a good luck charm.

She makes Anthony call her 'Your Highness' for the longest time just because she can.

She tried writing her own poetry once but it was not good.

Of her sister's many Bridgerton in-laws, she likes Benedict and Francesca the best.

Friedrich tells her he loves her before he returns to the continent to fight Napoleon, and it's almost an apology because he knows she isn't ready to say it back.

(She feels it, but she's still afraid, still can't quite trust herself.)

But one day a few months later, when he's in Paris negotiating the post-war treaty, he gets a letter that says only, "I love you, too".

He carries the letter with him wherever he goes, and Edwina tell him he's ridiculous but secretly she loves knowing, without a doubt, that it means that much to him even when they've been married for years.

[bridgertonbabe]

Edwina's Children

For @edwinaweek I thought I'd share my headcanon for Edwina and Matthew Bagwell's children as part of my Bridgerton: The Next Generation series.

Jeremy Bagwell is born the day before his cousin Edmund's first birthday, and throughout their childhood the Bridgerton and Bagwell families would celebrate the birthdays together at Aubrey Hall, which was always an anticipated highlight of Jeremy's year. He was a very easy baby and rather quiet much to his parents curious disbelief, especially in comparison to the energetic chaos his cousins wreaked on a daily basis. But as he grew, it became apparent that Jeremy was simply a boy of a quieter nature, who was more than content with his own company and much preferred the peace and tranquility of his parents' library than the rough and tumble of the great outdoors. His favourite pastime was being read to by his parents, an activity which he didn't want to limit to just bedtime alone and he would eagerly run up to either parent throughout the day with books in hand requesting to be read to. When he was old enough to read himself he permanently had his head buried in a book, and he could often be found alongside his father in the library as they separately studied their favoured texts. Much like is father, Jeremy would go on to be a scholar, but instead of philosophy, Jeremy opted to become a professor of his lifelong passion; history. So engrossed was he with his educational role, he never showed much interest in settling down or even courting any of the eligible young ladies of the Ton. He never much cared for balls and parties, with the only social events he ever made an effort to attend being those hosted by his Aunt Kate. While he tended to stick close to his relatives, at one particular ball he slipped away to the library of Bridgerton House in search of a textbook he hadn't reread in several years; only to find the season's diamond tucked away reading the exact book he was after. Miss Theodosia Barrington was a reluctant diamond and had been shocked to named as the season's incomparable, especially when she hadn't wanted to take her bow in society in the first place. Much to his surprise Jeremy felt an instant bond with her, and then to his even greater surprise by the end of the season he had married a diamond of the first water, just like his father had before him.

Three years after their first, Edwina and Matthew welcomed baby number two, Francis, into the world. From very early on Francis was an incredibly smiley baby who adored every show of affection he was spoiled with. While his brother was happy to be independent and do his own thing, Francis loved being surrounded by others and would trail after his Mama, Papa, his brother Jem, the household staff, and any guests that came to visit. Someone he adored in particular was his dear Grandmama Mary, who he always ecstatically greeted with a great big hug and whose lap was his most favourite seat. In turn (as much as she claimed not to have favourites among her grandchildren), Mary couldn't help but possess a special fondness for Francis, not just in the way he loved her abundantly, but how his smile and shining eyes were the most reminiscent of her late husband out of her four grandsons. Francis thoroughly enjoyed his stays at Aubrey Hall throughout the years and loved running after his older cousins Edmund and Miles, as well as his cousins' cousins too, happily integrating himself among them as they played games together and hurtled around from one end of the estate to the other. His outgoing and personable nature carried on into adulthood, making plenty of friends along the way during his years abroad, as well as befriending perfect strangers in any ballroom and assembly room he stepped foot into. As delightfully affable and pleasing as Francis was, there were two weaknesses he possessed; pretty girls and suggestibility. With the former he often tended to fall hard and fast for ladies with winsome smiles and sweet temperaments, and had ended up suffering from a string of heartbreaks as a result. The latter was arguably the bigger flaw for him because as confident a young man as he was, he still relied on the approval of those in his life who he looked up to the most and would end up swaying to agree with whatever his role models advised of him in spite of his own thoughts and feelings on the respective matter at hand.

After another three year gap, the Bagwells welcomed their little girl, Maryam, born a month after her Cousin Charlotte. Edwina and Kate loved having daughters so close in age and much to Mary's amusement, Maryam was practically identical to Edwina as Charlotte was to Kate, and watching her granddaughters play and spend time together was just like watching Kate and Edwina twenty odd years before them. Maryam loved her big brothers and copied them both despite their contrasting natures; she'd lark and dance about with Francis as often as she would take a seat next to Jeremy and read a book alongside him (which she adorably did even before she had learnt how to read). She also loved to copy her Mama and enjoyed playing dress up in her mother's gowns and having her Mama style her hair to match hers. From a young age she adored bedtime stories of handsome princes and falling in love after a single dance, and naturally Edwina couldn't help bracing herself for the day her daughter wanted to make her debut into society and all the hopeless romantic antics it may bring - however Edwina was surprised when Maryam came to her about her debut and made the odd request to spend as little money on her gowns as possible. When Edwina asked why, Maryam expressed her worry of impressing the Queen too much and potentially ending up as diamond of the season just like her, not wanting to suffer the same pressures as Edwina had during her season. Sympathetic to her woes, Edwina assured her daughter that regardless if she was the diamond or not, she shouldn't feel burdened by any pressures of securing a prosperous match for the sake of bettering their family; all she wanted for her daughter was to find a love match and secure her happiness. With the reassurance that she would only be expected to marry for love, Maryam enjoyed her debut season alongside her Cousin Charlotte. Sure, not all the suitors she danced with or who called upon her impressed her much, but she was in no real rush to find her perfect match just yet - that is, until she attended David Basset's wedding and was introduced to the bride's brother, Mr. Benedict Woodson.

[munsonsmixtapes]

Paint Me

Benedict Bridgerton x fem!inexperienced!American!reader

cw: MDNI (18+) Benedict receives a handjob, suggestive language, reader has a complicated relationship with her family, reader has a nightmare and has a panic attack

word count: 6k

part one part three part four part five part six part seven

Tag list: @allyjoe755 @syraxnyra @sublimepenguinpeach-blog @pumkiinpasties @werewolf-witchboy

February 12, 1817

You never thought that living in a bigger house would actually have been worse than your small one. Your mother had gotten meaner and your sister had been named the diamond of the season so she was even more confident than usual because she was the center of attention. Because that was exactly what she needed. More attention. You had attended multiple balls over the past few weeks and Kate had stuck to you like glue, helping you through everything, giving you pointers and even having you meet men to dance with.

You reminded her so much of Edwina that she felt the need to help you realize your full potential. Telling you that even though you were supposed to be seeking a husband that you didn’t have to have one of that was not what you wished. It was frowned upon, but she felt the need to support you in whatever you wanted to do since none of your family seemed to do so.

You entered the ball with your mother, father, and sister and Kate made a beeline for you, curtsying to all of you and you couldn’t help but notice the tension between her and your mother. Unbeknownst to you, they had been butting heads as far as your potential husband had been concerned. Kate had insisted that you didn’t have to marry and your mother wouldn’t have it. She needed you to be married off so she never had to speak to you again.

To keep the peace, you pulled Kate along to get some lemonade. She handed you a cup and you sipped on the drink, eyeing her, wondering what was going on in her head. But she wouldn’t tell you. She already knew that you relationship with your mother had been rocky so she decided to keep what had been said to her behind closed doors a secret to prevent the tension from getting worse.

You looked around the room and spotted Benedict by the wall, scribbling in what looked like a small notebook. You were surprised to see him since he hadn’t been at any of the other balls since the one where you had danced together. You wondered if he would have danced with you again if you had asked. Or maybe he had been avoiding you. That would have made sense. It seemed that everyone always did that.

Benedict continued his sketch, waving off everyone who had tried to speak to him. He was obviously busy. The lighting was perfect where he was standing and he was able to get the details perfect. It was a rough sketch, but once he put it on canvas, it was going to easily be his best work.

“What are you working on, brother?” Benedict shut the book quickly as Anthony approached and he shoved the book in his pocket so it was out of sight. There was no way he was letting his brother see what he had been drawing. That was between him and God.

“Nothing,” the younger brother shrugged. “Just a little something to keep my mind occupied.”

“Right,” Anthony nodded. He knew his brother was private when it came to his unfinished work, but it almost seemed like Benedict didn’t want him to see the sketch at all. Something was very strange but he wasn’t going to press. “Are you going to be a wallflower all night or are you going to dance?”

“We both know the answer to that,” Benedict gave Anthony’s shoulder a pat.

Anthony stepped closer, resting a hand on Benedict’s shoulder as he brought his lips round his ear so no one else could hear.

“You are nothing but an embarrassment to this family,” he said, his words sounding like poison in Benedict’s ear. “This whole “rake” business needs to be put to rest. You are about to be thirty and haven’t even pursued a single woman or done anything with your life besides your artwork. You promised mother you would find a wife this season only to be running around with whores, completely abandoning your duties to this family.”

Benedict gulped as his brother spoke. Fear coursing through him. He was very well aware that Anthony was not opposed to a duel and could have easily put him in a hospital just from one punch. His threats were not empty and he was afraid of getting hit, his prized possession being ruined and he could no longer mess around like he had been.

“Stop with the silliness and find a wife or I swear everyone will know just how disgusting you are and you will be left with nothing. You will die alone and I will make sure that no one will show up to your funeral. Are we understood, brother?” With that, Anthony turned on his heel and went to look for his wife, feeling a weight life off him now that he had told Benedict what he had truly thought about him.

“Lady Danbury, this is y/n l/n,” Kate introduced you to the host of the evening to which you curtseyed gracefully.

“It is lovely to meet you, Miss l/n,” Lady Danbury nodded. “Viscountess Bridgerton has told me nothing but good things. She says you’re quite the artist.”

“Well-” you tried to deny it, but Kate cut you off.

“Oh, she is, Lady Danbury,” Kate told her. “She could easily make a living off of her work.” You didn’t think that was true in the slightest, but you were going to let her brag about you anyway.

“Are any of your pieces in the gallery tomorrow?” You had wanted to, but by the time you had heard about it, submissions were closed, which was really disappointing because you knew the exact one you were going to submit.

“I’m afraid not," you pursed your lips. "By the time I arrived, it was too late to submit.”

“That is too bad," Lady Danbury replied with a shake of her head. "I must host a gallery of my own to see your work.”

“Oh, that isn’t necessary, Lady Danbury," you let out a nervous laugh. "I’m afraid you’d be sorely disappointed.” You thought that to be true. you were always your harshest critic and always thought that compliments aimed towards you or your work were just people being nice, never quite believing the words no matter how true they were."

“I’m sure that’s not true. You must show me some time. I'd love to see it all." You knew you weren't going to win, so you decided to give in to appease the woman. You didn't want to upset the host, after all.

"Of course," you nodded and watched Lady Danbury's face light up as she caught sight over someone who was behind you. You turned around only to be met by a man you hadn't seen before. He had curly blonde hair and the prettiest hazel eyes that you had ever seen. What was a pretty man like him doing approaching you? He was the kind of man that Lilith would have ended up with.

"Nicholas Fitzwilliam," he introduced himself with a bow. "I saw you across the room and felt like I owed the prettiest woman in the room a dance."

"Oh-"

Your mouth went dry as his eyes looked into yours, a warm smile making its way upon his pretty, pink lips. You turned to Kate and Lady Danbury as if to ask for permission and they waved you off, encouraging you to dance with the stranger.

Nicholas offered his hand to you and you wordlessly took it, letting him lead you out onto the floor. The dance started not long after you got into your spots and you immediately recognized as the quadrille which you knew involved moving about the floor and joining hands with people who weren't your original partner.

As soon as Benedict saw you accept that dick's invitation to dance, he knew he had to find a partner and quick. He didn't know what he was doing, but what he did know was that he wasn't going to leave you out on the floor alone. He was just making sure that you were following the steps correctly, that was all.

He approached the first woman he could find and dragged her onto the dance floor as the music started. He watched you move about the room seeing that fucker making you laugh made him feel something he had never felt before when it came to other women: jealousy.

The man whispered something into your ear as the two of you spun around and seeing you throw your head back in a loud laugh was enough to make Benedict see red. He could hear his dance partner say something as the two of them spun around, but he couldn’t hear her. In fact, he didn’t give a single fuck. All of his focus was on you.

You were nervous to dance at first, but as Nicholas guided you through it, you realized just how much fun it was and he was even cracking jokes to make you feel better. If all of the men were guaranteed to be like him, maybe finding a husband wouldn’t have been so bad.

You slowly got to Benedict and the two of you joined hands as you made your spin and he wanted to know what your hands felt like without the gloves. If they were soft or rough. It didn't really matter, though. He just wanted them wrapped around his neck, choking him until he was gasping for air. He still wasn't able to shake his absolutely filthy thoughts about you. And now that you were right in front of him and that he could see the tops of your breasts, all he could think about was how much he wanted them in his mouth, licking and sucking on your nipples until your back arched in pleasure, screaming his name as your reached your orgasm.

"What are you doing here?" You asked, pulling him out of his thoughts and he looked down at you, his signature smirk making it's way upon his pretty pink lips. You had never had a thought like it before, but you found yourself wanting to know what they felt like. If they were as soft as they looked.

"What do you mean?" Benedict knew exactly what you meant, but he wanted to hear you say it. He wanted to hear you tell him that you missed him.

"You haven't been at the last three balls so I was surprised to see you here." He thought it was adorable that you had noticed that he wasn't there and

"Oh, so you noticed I was missing?" He put on a cocky smirk. He had you right where he wanted you.

"It was difficult not to when Anthony was complaining about it every time." You were mumbling your words, but Benedict was still able to hear you. The smirk faded and he didn't like the way his cock twitched at the fact that you didn't seem to notice that he hadn't been around until his brother mentioned it. You didn't seem to give a single fuck about him, but by the end of the season, he was going to make you care.

With that, you separated then joined your original partners and Benedict was still watching you, feeling jealousy rise as the man whispered in your ear again, making you giggle. He didn't know why he cared. He wasn't going to court nor marry you and clearly this man was a better fit for you. And maybe Anthony was right, all Benedict was was a rake and that's all he knew how to be. He wasn't fit to be a husband and he was just going to have to accept that.

He was going to give up all of his fantasies about you just so you could end up with a man who actually cared about you. That was what you deserved. Not someone who was only interested in having his way with you only to never want to see you again. He was perfectly fine with letting you slip through his fingers if it meant you were going end up with the right person.

The dance came to a close and Nicholas led you back over to Kate and Lady Danbury, his hand still holding yours as you stood there making conversation with the three of them. He then turned to you and bowed and for whatever reason, you didn't want to see him go. You had such a nice time with him and almost wanted to ask him to dance again, but you couldn't get yourself to. You didn't have the confidence. Lilith would have, though. She would have and Nicholas certainly would have said yes. But you weren't Lilith. You weren't your sister and you never would be and you just wished that people would realized that you were your own person.

"It was an absolute pleasure, Miss l/n," he said and you smiled in response, feeling your heart swell because someone was dancing with you because they wanted to, not because of your mother forcing them.

"The pleasure was all mine, Mr. Fitzwilliam," you curtsied, a small smile making its way upon your face. He took your hand and pressed lips to the fabric covering it, his eyes never leaving yours as he did so.

"No, really, the pleasure is all mine." He emphasized the last two words and your cheeks heated as he let your hand slipped out of yours before turning on his heel to cross the room.

As soon as he was gone, you turned back to Kate and Lady Danbury in a giggly mess. They both smiled at you, seeing you so lively and animated warming their hearts. In the few weeks Kate had known you and with all of the balls, she'd seen you at, she had never seen you so smitten after a dance and wondered if Nicholas could be the one. Maybe, just maybe there was an engagement in your future.

Nicholas crossed the floor and stood next to your mother, putting his hands behind his back as she leaned towards him to whisper to him. they were trying their best to be discreet, knowing that if you caught them, the whole operation would be over.

"Is it done?" Vivian asked, her eyes not leaving you as she spoke. If you weren’t going to find a husband, she was just going to have to do the job for you. She couldn’t risk you being a spinster and living with her and your father for the rest of her life.

"It is," Nicholas nodded, his eyes on you as well. He didn't feel good for lying to you, but the money was going to make it worth it. He was going to use it to buy a nice art piece that he had been eyeing for a while. It would look so lovely in his study, hanging among the other artwork he had purchased over the years. And he had you to thank for it. You were the perfect, unsuspecting target.

Benedict left as soon as Nicholas left you and had every intention of getting out his anger. Maybe not in the healthiest way, but he was going to be gone as soon as he was done with whatever woman on his list was available.

He knocked on the door and leaned himself against the doorframe, an attempt to make himself attractive, but something was off. His need suddenly went away and he was having flashbacks to the ball. Everything was swirling around his head and he felt an ache coming on.

Stop with the silliness and find a wife or I swear everyone will know just how disgusting you are and you will be left with nothing. You will die alone and I will make sure that no one will show up to your funeral.

Maybe Anthony was right. Maybe he should have stopped literally fucking around and started a family. Maybe he should have gone home. But not tonight. Tonight, he was going to be taken care of and not by his own hands.

The door opened and he was pulled inside, the woman that he couldn’t remember the name of grabbing hold of his coat. The door slammed behind him and she shoved him against it. Her lips went to his neck and she gave it a rough suck while her hands went to unbutton his breeches. She pulled them down only to be met with Benedict’s very limp cock. They both looked down at it and Benedict felt his cheeks blush in embarrassment as this was never something that had happened to him.

“Don’t worry, I can help with that.” The woman-Caroline, maybe?-spit into her hand and grabbed hold of his dick, giving it a few slow pumps. When that didn't work, she moved faster, pumping as hard as she possible could and Benedict was panicking because receiving a handjob always did the trick. And now that it wasn't working, he was worried.

"I don't know what's going on Benedict, but you need to leave now." They couldn't exactly sleep together if he couldn't get it up. And it was all thanks to his oldest brother. Benedict pulled up his breeches and let out a loud sigh before turning to the door. He gave her one last look then opened the door and slammed it shut before heading down the road. He couldn't go home. Not with his brother there. There was somewhere else he'd rather be anyway.

Benedict got to the studio, but not after having a few drinks. His night had gone to shit and if he couldn't remedy it with sex, alcohol was surely going to do the drink. Not only had his brother called him out on his bullshit, but then he watched the woman that he liked dance with someone else who was confirmed to be a terrible person, and now he couldn't even cope with it all the way he wanted to.

He stumbled into the studio where he usually spent his late nights, but no one was there. This was usually when everyone was so lively and now there wasn't a single soul. Something was wrong, but he couldn't figure out what. He approached the room he usually worked in to work on his piece, but when he entered it, the piece was uncovered and there was already someone in the room. He slowly opened the door all the way and the creaking of it made the stranger turn around so Benedict could see his face. No fucking way. Standing there in his studio, holding the sheet that covered his painting was Nicholas fucking Fitzwilliam.

The carriage rolled up to your house and you stepped onto the concrete, feeling lighter than ever. As your family was leaving, Nicholas had told you that he'd see you the next day and you were nothing but elated at that fact. You couldn't believe it. It had only been a few weeks and you already had a suitor. And he was nice and not to mention, very easy on the eyes. According to what he had told you at the ball, he didn't have much, but that was perfectly okay to you. He'd give you a great life and that was all you could ask for.

You went up the steps and for once, your mother's and sister's words couldn't get to you. Because they didn't matter. All your life, you had been second to Lilith and now you finally had something she hadn't and you could tell that she was furious. She stomped up the stairs behind you and you tried to fight back your smile at the sour look that had been in her face since you had told her the good news.

You went to your room and heard her stomp to her own before slamming the door. You got ready for bed with the widest smile on your face and got into your bed dreaming about nothing but rings and weddings and your possible children. The future was very bright and you had somehow beat the diamond of the season to getting a suitor. And maybe if you played your cards right, an engagement would follow soon after.

"What are you doing here?" Benedict asked, making such tight fists by his side that he could feel his nails digging into his skin, but that was the least of his worries. He really needed to get rid of the pest that was taking over his room.

"Oh, are you the artist?" Nicholas asked, reaching for the canvas, but Benedict was quick to stop, him, standing in between his body and the canvas. There was no way he was letting that little worm anywhere near his artwork.

"I am. And I'm going to ask again, what are you doing here?" There was a fire burning inside him and this time, he wasn't going to put out the flames.

"Well, I was going to ask you if I could buy this lovely piece from you." He'd get the painting from Benedict's cold, dead hands. No way he’d ever sell anything to that pig.

Benedict snatched the covering from Nicholas and draped it back over the painting before crossing his arms over his chest so he wouldn't do something he'd regret.

“It’s not finished and not for sale. And even if it was, I most certainly wouldn’t sell it to you.”

“If you don’t mind my asking, why not?” Nicholas had no idea what was going on. He just wanted to get what he had had his eyes on for months when he had passed that very room seeing Benedict work on it.

“Because again, it's not finished and even if it was, I still wouldn't sell it to you." Clearly there was something he was missing and he wasn't sure what it was.

"Why?" Nicholas was starting to get angry and a smug smirk was making its way upon Benedict's face. What did he know and what was he going to do about it? He didn't think he was the type to get into a fight, but he really knew nothing about him so he was to tread lightly.

"I know your secret.” Nicholas felt his blood run cold at the words. He had many secrets but he knew exactly the one to which Benedict was referring and he had half a mind to make a run for it.

“Secret?” He supposed that the best way to get out of it was to feign innocence. He wouldn’t be caught if he didn’t admit to it.

“Your little deal with Vivian. I heard you on the way out of the ball tonight." Oh, this was the big secret. Maybe running was still on the table.

"What do you want?" There was only one thing Benedict wanted and Nicholas had it.

"I want you stay away from y/n." Benedict jabbed his finger into the man’s chest.

"Or what?" Nicholas pushed his hand away but Benedict only stepped closer.

"You don't want to know what." His threat was empty, but maybe it wouldn’t have been if Nicholas tried anything.

"Are you gonna tell her?" No. He thought it would have been even more painful for Nicholas to tell you himself.

"I might if you don't." He wouldn’t, but Nicholas was looking nervous so Benedict had him right where he wanted him.

“I see,” Nicholas let out a laugh. “You’re jealous.”

“I am not.” That was not an emotion that Benedict felt. He was never jealous and especially not because of you. He just felt like you deserved to know the truth, that’s all.

“You are,” Nicholas smirked. “I saw it in your face when you mentioned he. There was a fire there. Well guess what? You can have her. I don’t want her. I was just going to marry her, use her for her body and then leave.” Benedict didn’t need to hear anymore. He was seeing more red than he ever had before.

Without another thought, he punched Nicholas square in the nose, causing him to hunch over in pain but not before he got his own punch in. Benedict threw another punch and while Nicholas was hunched over once again, Benedict pushed him to the floor, loving to see the man’s pretty face look so bloody and broken.

“If you so much as lay a finger on her, I promise that things will be much worse than this.” With that, Benedict wiped the blood from his nose and fled the room, finally heading home to get some much needed rest and maybe some help from a doctor.

February 13, 1817

You woke up the next morning with the brightest smile on your face as your lady’s maid helped you get ready for the day. Nothing could ruin your mood. Not even your mother. Because someone had finally showed romantic interest in you and no one, not even your mother or Lilith could bring you down.

You descended the stairs and headed towards the dining room to have some breakfast when you heard voices coming from the study. You slowly opened the door that was cracked and saw Nicholas inside arguing with your mother. You gasped not only at the fact that he was there but also because of the dried blood coming from his nose.

What was he doing there and why was he arguing with your mother? Clearly there was something that you were missing and you didn’t like all of the possibilities that your mind was coming up with. It was always your own worst enemy.

Maybe it wasn’t what you thought it was. Maybe he was there to see you and was just waiting for you to finish breakfast first. Suitors did that all the time, right? There definitely wasn’t anything suspicious going on between him and your mother.

“What happened?” Your mother asked in a tone that you thought has only been reserved for you.

“I don’t know, Vivian,” Nicholas replied, looking like he was seconds away from pulling his hair out. He looked tired, like he hadn’t gotten much sleep and the blood around his nose made him look even worse. “All I know is that I was trying to buy a piece from him and then he punched me.”

“And that was before he threatened you?”

“Yes! He told me that if I so much as laid a finger on y/n that he’d kill me! I know I agreed to court your daughter, but no amount of money is worth this,” he referred to his nose and headed for the door where you were standing.

You pressed yourself against the opposite wall of where he was exiting and felt tears prick your eyes as your world came crashing down. So all of that the night before was all because of your mother? All for money? You supposed that it made sense as to why someone as beautiful as him would approach you.

As soon as Nicholas was out of sight, you made a beeline for the stairs, heading to your room so you could cry alone. You felt so stupid. Your own mother had betrayed you in a way that you hadn’t even thought she was capable of. And for whatever reason, you felt like your sister was also behind it.

You headed to your room and slammed the door before letting out a loud scream before throwing yourself into your bed to have a good cry. All of the years you had suppressed your emotions were all catching up to you and you began to sob into your pillows.

You really thought that your father would have come to your rescue, but just like always, he’d rather stand by your mother when she was participating in all of the wrongdoing. He seemed so distant from you lately that it was almost as if he wasn’t even there at all. And maybe it would have been better if he wasn’t. At least then, he would just be gone instead of sitting on the sidelines, doing absolutely nothing.

You cried yourself to sleep, trying to fight off your nightmare. There was a red filter over it and the audio was distorted. Your mother, father, sister, and Nicholas were all laughing at you, pointing fingers and telling you just what they thought about you, holding absolutely nothing back as they did so.

It all felt so real that you had to wake up and shake it all off. You sat up in your bed and rubbed the sleep out of your eyes. Just then, your lady’s maid entered the room to get you ready for the gallery. Had you really slept all day? And no one had even thought to come and wake you up? You supposed that showed you just how little your family actually thought about you.

“Esther?” You asked the woman who had laid your dress for the night out onto your bed.

“Yes miss?” She asked, pausing her duty to give you her full attention.

“Would we be able to try something different?” You could see her eyes light up at your suggestion and she immediately pulled you to your vanity, pulling out all of your makeup to get to work.

“I know just the thing,” she smiled as she dipped into some eyeshadow and applied it to your eyes.

—

You told your mother that you weren’t feeling well enough to go to the gallery and to your surprise, she didn’t put up a fight and left the house without a word. As soon as your family was gone, you threw off the blanket to reveal your dress that was absolutely nothing like you. It was black and dark purple and you had a choker to match that had an amethyst gem in the very center of it.

Esther had done your makeup dark, but tastefully with diffused black eyeshadow and a bright pink blush on your cheeks. When you looked in the mirror, you had looked nothing like yourself just like you had wanted to. You thanked her and fled the house to the carriage that had been left behind.

You entered the gallery by yourself and as soon as eyes were laid on you, whispers were spread around just like you had wanted. You were not dressed appropriately for the occasion and for once, you couldn’t have cared less.

You fiddled with your necklace as what you were doing had set in. You had only put on the dress with the intention to anger your mother and clearly it had worked with the way she was eyeing you. But that wasn’t your focus at the moment. You were just interested in seeing all of the art pieces. Upsetting your mother was just a little bonus.

Benedict let out a gasp as he caught sight of you. You were one of the most beautiful women he has ever seen and now he was beginning to think that his fight with Nicholas was all worth it. He at least hoped that his threat has sent the man running.

After you made your grand entrance, you continued to fiddle with your necklace as the whispers got more intense. You had been so focused on upsetting your mother that you hadn’t thought about the fact that other people would probably be upset as well.

You felt yourself begin to panic as the whispers seemed to get louder and you could feel your heartbeat quickening and breathing was getting harder to you. You had had many panic attacks in your life to know that this was one and needed to get out of there as soon as possible.

Just as you were about to leave, you were approached by Lady Danbury. If it has been anyone else, you would have politely declined, but she had a lot of influence and you felt like you could have used that to your advantage. So, you took a deep breath and put on your fakest smile as she got to you.

“Lady Danbury!” You greeted, smiling brightly and she smiled in return.

“Miss l/n. So lovely to see you again.” Out of all of the people there, why was she talking to you? There were so many others who were of higher status or at least had more to say than you did. And you really weren’t in the mood to be cordial at the moment. You had too much on your mind.

“And you as well, ma’am,” you curtsied. You wanted to impress the woman. She was good friends with The Queen, after all and knowing someone who had an in with her could have opened so many doors for you.

“Have you had a chance to look around the gallery?” You had too much on your mind to put your focus on something like that even though you had been so excited to

“No, not yet.”

“Perfect, you shall join me.” Join her? As in walk around the room with her?

“Lady Danbury-” You tried your best to get out of it, but she cut you off before you could make an excuse.

“That wasn’t a question. Now come along dear. I want to hear your thoughts.” She linked her arm around yours and let you lead her around the room, stopping at every individual piece, wanting to know your honest opinion. If you didn’t know any better, you would have thought that she just wanted to hear you talk badly about someone. To get the quiet girl out of her comfort zone.

But she wasn’t going to win this round. It turned out that every single piece so far was lovely. They were all so detailed and told the most beautiful stories. You were in awe of every single one and still wished you had the time to submit your own, wondering what people had thought about it.

You stopped once you got to the last piece and that one didn’t wow you like the others. Something was wrong, almost as if it had been incomplete. All of the colors melted together in a brown, muddy mess and you were having a hard time keeping your eyes on it.

“Well?” Lady Danbury asked and you were hesitant to tell her the truth, but you were becoming a ticking time bomb, ready to explode any second. Everything with your family and Nicholas was all piling on you and you couldn’t take a single second of it.

“The colors are too muddy,” you mumbled and the woman was having a hard time hearing you.

“I’m sorry, dear, could you repeat that?” She asked and that absolutely broke you. You were about to tear into whoever the artist was and for once, you didn’t have a single care.

“I said the colors are too muddy!” You replied, maybe a little too loud, but you hardly cared. You just needed her to know what you really thought. That was the kind of person you were now. Someone who said exactly how they felt, not caring whether it hurt their feelings or not. You didn’t have it in you to please anymore. What good had it done you, anyway?

“The artist obviously didn’t wait long enough between layers for the paint to dry. Oils are still wet after many hours. Before adding more layers you have to wait for them to fully dry. It’s an amateur mistake for some ‘professional’ artist to make.”

Lady Danbury had to admit that she was enjoying seeing that side of you and hoped you’d bring it out more often. As much as she liked how reserved you were, she believed that you were allowed a moment to break free of it every once in a while. It looked tiring having to behave like that all the time.

“That’s a very interesting, Miss, l/n,” she replied then turned to who you assumed was the artist of the piece you had just ripped to shreds with your words. “Mr Bridgerton why didn’t you wait long enough for each layer?”

Bridgerton? So that meant-no. Just your fucking luck. You turned around and sure enough, there Benedict was, looking as beautiful as ever. You noticed that he has a bruise around his eye and wondered what it was from and how you could have tended to it and made him feel better. It looked like it hurt and you almost wanted to ask if it did and if you could have kissed it better.

“If I’m being honest, Lady Danbury, I was nearly late submitting my piece for the gallery, so I needed to cut some corners. But you are correct, Miss (l/n), it is a very amateur mistake of me.” With that, Benedict turned on his heel and exited the gallery, leaving you with nothing but guilt as you watched him walk away.

Benedict had stared at that painting for hours after he had finished and hadn’t even noticed the imperfections you had pointed out until you had said the words. And he hadn’t even been upset about it either. It had been an amateur mistake to make and now he was wondering why he was even accepted into the gallery in the first place.

And now he was wondering where you got all that knowledge from because clearly you knew your stuff. Were you an artist as well? You must have been since you seemed to know so much.

And that was when it all clicked. The critique, Anthony saying that you were a family friend from the past. Of course! Now he remembered. He could clearly see the two of you drawing each other in the study of the Bridgerton home and him sneaking you into one of the studios he went to one night where the two of you laughed and painted for hours which had eventually turned into a paint fight that the two of you had gotten into a lot of trouble for.

So he wasn’t an ass, he just genuinely hadn’t remembered you. But why? Was his mind trying to protect him from something painful? It must have been considering how quick you had been to forget him after not having seen him for a few weeks. He had hoped that the memory would come to him soon so it would stop bugging him. Maybe he’d ask you why his memory of you was fuzzy. Maybe he’d just talk to you because he wanted to. With Nicholas out of the way, he certainly had the opportunity. And maybe he’d actually listen to his brother and finally find a wife.

[tragedy-machine]

Cameo week highlights, general info part 3

edwin misses the customs and the etiquette from his times

in early days edwin most likely kept interrupting charles and had to learn to listen, and charles was really messy and had to learn to keep the office tidy

charles would "be grossed out by edwin's first kiss since he now knows monty was a crow lol"

george said that charles would smell minty fresh and jayden said that edwin would smell like oak or wood or something nice and earthy if they had scents and could smell them

george says that the boys wouldn't get too festive around the holidays because they'd be too busy with work, but that edwin would get fascinated by the xmas lights

edwin's favorite food was roasted guinea fowl

in early days the boys went to the cinema a lot and watched detective movies, which was one of the things that sparked the idea of opening the agency together

the boys didn't really have that many big arguments over the years

edwin likes jazz and plays records in the office

in the musical ep there'd be a song called "what i did for love" sang by a drag queen (??)

the boys' wedding vows would include a "till the afterlife do us part" instead of "till death do us part"

if edwin found out charles kept checking up on his parents he would have been a little spooked by it and jealous but would definitely be able to get past it; charles kept it from him bc of what his family life was like and bc edwin has no family to check up on

s2 would have another animation (not a flashback this time)

Jayden would love to play a vampire one day

george made up drag names for them - Charlie's Angel and Edwina Loose (not sure about the spelling but basically edWin orLose)

[nikkisheep]

To Be Alone With You (Part Five)

Anthony Bridgerton x female!sharma!sister!reader

Benedict Bridgerton x reader

Warnings: ANGST, ANGST, oh and more ANGST, Benedict and reader gets closer, reader is heartbroken, so much crying, talk of betrayal

Summary: Weeks after Anthony "dumped" you so he could be more serious in his courtship with your sister, you finally tell him that it is time that you both move on in an emotional confrontation.

I'm so sorry that it got so long. I hope that it's good given that I wrote this at like 12 am.

Song that I feel relates to it in a sense:

Illicit Affairs (Taylor Swift)

Tag List: @shealuna, @m-rae23, @littlepeanut03, @aellabridgerton, @sydney-m, @faatxma, @wildthoughtnananna, @uraesthete, @themadhattersqueen, @sydney-m, @theantiquehobbit, @theroyalmanatee ,@urfavnoirette , @budugu, @helen06dreamer, @galactict3a

The days passed. The days turned to weeks. The weeks turned into two months. Your days drug on as you prepared yourself for the next outing with your family. You faked a smile, beaming at the right time. Looking at your sisters, smiling and giggling over the hundreds of letters that Anthony wrote to Edwina.

You were staring out the window when you heard your name being called.

"Dear sister, have you read this new letter that Lord Bridgerton sent to me," Edwina beamed like a girl in love.

You turned your head to her, a small sad smile graced your face.

"No, I hadn't."

"I most certainly do not want to." Is what you wanted to say. You wanted to tell her how Anthony only makes those promises of love to you when you are both wrapped at the waist in the sheets of his bed.

Instead you tell her that you were overcome with sleep and preferred to go back to your bedroom. Standing up, you leave the room and put your hand over your mouth as a sob threatens to escape.

You sighed against the bedroom door when it closed and you let the tears fall. You sob right there on your bedroom floor, your dress creating a pool around you as you sank to the floor because your knees couldn't handle the weight of you standing.

You don't try to keep the tears in. You had been waiting to be alone to let them fall. You didn't understand why Anthony couldn't love you.

Why did it have to be you?

Why won't he end the courtship with your sister?

Why did you have to fall in love with him?

-----

The next few days carry the same thing. You smile. You nod. You pretend that you weren't silently dying inside because that is how you should be feeling. You should be happy when you see Anthony kiss Edwina's hand because that is her soon to be husband. He is respectful. He is a gentleman.

----

Your family arrives at the Featherington's house for the annual Featherington ball. Many families of the ton had arrived and were all gossiping to each other in small groups. When the Bridgertons walked in with the Sharmas, the entire room looked over in their direction. All of the Sharmas were there except for you. You had said that you were not feeling like going to the ball. When in fact you had to get ready in your dress that was going to be the best at the ball and you knew that.

You were getting your shoes on when you looked at the window. The night was set and you saw the carriage that waited for you. Stepping out of the house, your deep purple dress trailed behind you a bit. Your dress in the shape of a ball gown that had gems embedded in the fabric. Every time you moved, your dress sparkled. Your hair had one curl that laid gently against your collarbone.

----

Stepping inside the Featherington's home, the entire building went silent as they awaited your next move. Your gloved hands came to rest by your sides and you picked up your dress. You then took a step forward and soon the entire room opened itself up as you cast a smile that could blind anyone who looked too close.

Making your way to the lemonade stand, you bumped into Benedict and you gave him a smile as you looked up to him. You pat him on his arm and he smiles to you.

"You, Miss Sharma, look absolutely gorgeous. I need to have a talk with your Lady's Maid because you look," He said. "Like money doesn't know the price."

You smile and let out a laugh.

"You are too kind with your words, Ben." You set down your glass and then preceded to grab his arm. "Come. Come dance with me."

He leads you to the dance floor, holding your gloved hand. You get in line with everyone else and then preceded to dance. You hand was on his shoulder, his on your hip and holding your hand. You smile at him when he nearly bumps into someone, too busy looking into your eyes.

"Miss Sharma," He started. "I was wondering if you would be interested in another art session."

"As in the same as last time?" You giggle, raising an eyebrow.

"Not quite," He laughed. "I wanted to give you actual art lessons and perhaps actually finish the drawing that I was working on."

"I feel like that can be arranged," You laugh.

"And if anything happens like last time, I may have to marry you."

Your smile falls and you drop his hand.

'Miss Sharma?" You can barely hear him. Your heart was beating too loud.

"Have I said something to offend you?" He asked, confused.

"No, it is not you."

"I feel as though it was. I am terribly sorry for my words that have conflicted hurt onto you."

Just before you could reply, Anthony walked up and greeted his brother.

"I was not aware that you were escorting Miss Sharma to the dance floor," Anthony said. "After all she said that she wouldn't be attending tonight."

He finally turned to you and smiled. You didn't smile back. You eyes were dull. The light had faded from them when seeing Anthony.

"Good evening Lord Bridgerton," You bow quickly.

"I haven't seen you in a long time, Miss Sharma."

You looked at him and wondered if you should even react. You didn't want to see him. You didn't want to talk. But really, you did. You wanted to show him that you were perfectly fine without him.

"You look lovely tonight," he said. " Your dress is beautiful."

He was trying to get a reaction. He wanted to see you swoon for him. At least that is what you thought.

"You look decent." You don't look him in the eyes, knowing that you would fall back to where you started.

"Why thank you. Can I have a dance?"

You nod and you both go to the dance floor. Edwina, Kate and Lady Bridgerton and Lady Danbury all stand to watch.

Anthony takes your gloved hand and he placed your other hand onto his shoulder. He places his other on your hip and begins to move. His touch burns into your dress. You might as well have had nothing on with how warm his hands felt.

Your eyes are locked with his as you move. His eyes were so full of love and adoration that you almost had to look away. Your hand on his shoulder slides up to cup his neck as you both move along in the steps of the song. Your head comes to rest closer to his shoulder and you could feel his breathe fan over the loose curls on your neck. He brings his hand with yours to his chest and you can feel his heart beat.

When you look back in his eyes, it feels like it's just the two of you and no one else was here. It was the two of you and you would stay like this forever. His eyes told you everything you had whispered into the night together.

"I love you more than you will ever know."

---

"Don't they look like they are having fun?" Edwina asked. "I knew that if they spent time together that they would grow to like each other."

The other ladies looked at her.

"I do believe that they do make a good dancing couple," Lady Danbury said.

"A handsome dancing couple," Edwina agreed.

She soon left as Kate was left with the two women.

"Kate, tell me, has your sister always been terrible at hiding her feelings?" Lady Danbury said.

Kate looked confused.

"Her feelings about what?"

"It's more about who." She said as she turned Kate's head gently to the direction in which you were dancing with Anthony.

"Lord Bridgerton?" Kate asked.

"Indeed it seems that they have feelings for each other."

"Lady Danbury you believe that anyone around Lord Bridgerton is in love with him," Kate said.

"Not everyone. You are not."

"Well....no."

"Just keep an eye on them and see what I see," Lady Danbury said. "Now run along."

Kate left to find a glass of lemonade.

"Lady Bridgerton, your son is absolutely enthralled with that girl." Lady Danbury said with a knowing smirk.

"Miss Sharma and my son are not in love," Violet said. "They can't be. He is engaged to her sister."

They look back to you and Anthony. Your eyes seem to never leave each other. Both of your lips were parted slightly as you look like you can't see anything else but each other.

"The eyes can't tell a lie, Violet."

---

"I am sorry for how I left things between us," Anthony said.

"Why?"

"I didn't want things to end that way."

"But they did and now it's over. We are over."

"Over?"

You look at him for a second. You see a man who doesn't realize that he did this to the both of you.

"You ruined us when you decided to court my sister."

"I was courting her before I met you."

"Then you should have never gotten involved with me."

"I wasn't the only one who was involved," He said, pulling the two of you outside away from others. "You were also there in that lake when this all started. I asked you if it was okay and you said yes."

"I didn't know that-"

"You knew that you were betraying your sister and dishonoring yourself but you still did it so do not stand here and twist the blame onto me. I am not the only one who betrayed Edwina."

"You told me you loved me. You promised me that you loved me."

"And I never lied," He said, emotion slipping in. "You were..."

"Then why does it feel like a lie?" You started to feel emotional. "Why did you have to propose to my sister? Why did you have to make me love you?" You fall against him as you sob into his chest. Your hands ball up into fists and you slightly smack them against his chest.

"Why did you make me love you? You sob again. "Why am I not good enough for you to marry instead?"

"You are good enough. You are way too good." Anthony said as he holds you in his arms as your body shakes with sobs.

"What does she have that I don't?" You cry. "What makes you want her to marry her but not me?"

"I can't love her because she isn't you."

Your face is red with tears streaming down your face as you wipe your nose with the back of your handkerchief. You blankly stare at him with tears in your eyes.

"I love you. Can't you see that I'm doing all of this because I love you," Anthony said, desperation creeping into his voice.

"You love me and yet you are still going to marry my sister," You cry. "Someone you do not even love. Why can you not marry someone you love?"

"I have my reasons," He said, thinking of how his mother was after his father died.

"I need to stop loving you," You said.

"You....what?"

" I need to be free of the torment that you have inflicted onto me," You say, calming yourself down. "I need to be with someone else. I'm sorry."

"Wait-"

"Good night, Lord Bridgerton."

And you left the ball without looking back.

[claudiajessies]

EDWINA APPRECIATION WEEK DAY ONE: DIAMOND ↳ Favourite Edwina Looks

[newtonsheffield]

Would you ever write another fic with Neddy as a kid? Maybe Kate and Anthony had a one night stand, but Kate only got his middle name (in a little game of them not saying their first name) and when she finds out she is pregnant she can't find Anthony to tell him until one day, years later, she sees him on the tv on the Royal Wedding, "Viacount Bridgerton" written under his face.

Oh my god.

It’s the shock of her life. Even more shocking than sitting in her bathroom hoping the test wasn’t going to be positive weeks after she hooked up with a guy in a hotel.

She knows exactly two things about that guy

1) his middle name is Edmund

2) The night they hooked up was the anniversary of his father’s death.

When she realised she was pregnant she really did try to find him but neither of those facts gave her a lot to go by and he knew less about her. It was the way they’d designed their game. He picked a nickname for her and she only used his middle name after that. They’d gotten a hotel room rather than go to either of their homes. Another part of the game. And now she has a three year old who’s starting to ask questions about his Dad that Kate can’t answer.

She didn’t have any plan to name him Edmund, but the second she held him she saw how the name suited him. The only thing he would have from his father even if she hadn’t told Mary and Edwina that. Neddy is the most beautiful little boy. He’s sweet and kind and he loves cuddling with her and Newton.

But imagine her surprise when she’s sat in Mary’s living room with Neddy on her knee and none of them are paying attention to the news segment about a Viscount campaigning for a new library in Kent until Kate freezes when she hears his voice.

“Holy fuck!”

It’s out of her mouth before she can stop it because there he is. Anthony, Viscount Bridgerton apparently. The man who’d given her a wry smile when she’d said Edmund didn’t suit him. You aren’t the first person to tell me that. He looks exactly how she remembers him and she barely has time to process the fact that Neddy’s father is a member of the aristocracy.

“What?” Edwina frowned. “Do you have huge opinions about public libraries?”

Kate shook her head, cradling Neddy who was about to fall asleep. “That’s N-E-D-D-Y’s D-A-D.”

Both of them are stunned. Kate is as well. And maybe she should have just kept going about her life but she didn’t know how. So there she is, standing in the office she googled. Clearing her throat when the receptionist asks if she’s expected.

“I doubt it, but I really do need to see him.”

“Are you and he acquainted?”

“We… he might not remember…”

At just that moment the door to another office down the hall opened and out he strode, Anthony, Viscount Bridgerton, just as handsome as she remembered. He stopped dead when he looked at her, his lips parting in surprise before a slow smile spread across his lips.

“Ah, Trouble. We meet again.”

“You have no idea.”

[bumblesimagines]

Imagine:

Being married to Kate Sharma

Request: Yes or No

Pronouns: He/Him/His

~~~

Kate Sharma had arrived in Mayfield with one singular goal in mind: ensuring her beloved Edwina married a good, wealthy man who'd provide her with everything she could ever desire. Of course, that meant she stepped off the boat with the acceptance that she'd never wed nor have children of her own, no matter how many gentlemen Edwina pointed out to her during the first few weeks. She hadn't, however, taken you into account.

The beloved, nephew of the Late Lord Edmund Bridgerton, cousin to the Bridgerton children, and child to exceptionally wealthy parents with steady standing in Mayfair's society. By all means, Edwina should have caught your eye. She was young, beautiful, and the Queen's Diamond of the Season. Most gentlemen tripped over themselves to call upon her, filling Lady Danbury's hall with many gifts for her, and while yes, you had been among those men, you had called upon Kate instead.

It'd thrown her off completely, and she'd been in shock as Edwina ushered her onto the couch and took a seat nearby, trying to pretend as if she and her mother weren't eavesdropping as much as possible. Kate, surprised and undeniably suspicious, had assumed Anthony sent you to distract her from his pursuit of Edwina but you assured her you took no part in it and she allowed herself to trust you.

And that trust proved to be one of the best decisions she'd made, second only to taking on a parental role for Edwina. 

There were a lot of things Kate had envisioned for her own future, truth be told. She'd seen herself become a spinster, a sister-in-law, a happy aunt. Never did she expect to lounge upon a seat with her thumb rubbing her wedding ring and her hand rubbing soothing circles around her protruding belly. But... she was happy. She'd been given the opportunity of being more than just someone's sister. She was a wife, a mother, a good friend, an aunt, and eventually, she'd be Lady (L/N). 

"Hello, darling," Kate murmured upon feeling a soft kick, pressing her palm against her belly and giggling upon feeling another. "You sure are full of energy today." She said softly, pushing herself up in the chair and carefully reaching for her teacup. Kate delicately sipped from it, sighing in bliss as the warm liquid traveled down her throat and warmed her chest. 

"You should be resting, Kate." Her head turned toward the door, a smile stretching across her face at the mere sight of you. 

"I am resting, my love. I refuse to stay in bed until this little one comes."

"Doctor's orders, sweetheart. He said the babe could come at any given moment now." You raised your brows at her and she waved you off with a flick of her wrist, finishing her cup and gingerly setting it aside. You chuckled quietly at her defiance and stepped aside, nodding for the three little ones waiting on the other side of the door to enter. Akshara raced forward ahead of her brothers, her brown ringlets and baby blue ribbons bouncing with her movements. 

"My darling girl," Kate cooed immediately, unable to pull the girl up onto her lap so she settled for helping her sit on her knee. Akshara leaned down once she settled, pressing her cheek against Kate's covered belly and brightening when she felt another swift kick. "Your sibling is so eager to meet you."

"Is it a boy?" The eldest of the trio, Nalin, questioned with wide eyes, resting his arms over the armrest and watching his little sister rub Kate's belly with a gleeful smile. 

"We don't know yet, Nal." You told him as you scooped up Akshara's twin, Edwin, into your arms, feeling the boy drop his sleepy head onto your shoulder. Nalin hummed thoughtfully, moving onto his toes to lean over the armrest and feel Kate's belly. His mother watched with a smile, her eyes softening as she gazed over her children. 

"Well, whether boy or girl, I'm sure they'll be more than happy to play with you and their cousins. You'll have to be patient, love, as we've been these past months. You-" Kate gently booped Nalin's nose. "-took an awful long time to arrive. Your sibling may do the same." 

"Let us hope we aren't blessed with another surprise." You laughed, watching Kate's features contort and a heavy sigh escape her. She slumped back in the chair, carefully petting Akshara's hair, no doubt thinking back on the shocking day in which they discovered in the midst of labor there were two babes instead of one. 

"Yes, please." She laughed breathlessly. 

"Come now, kids. Why don't we pay your cousins a visit and we can give your mother some rest, hm? She'll need as much as she can get when the babe comes." Kate smiled up at you.

"Thank you, darling."