#edward and elizabeth i think looked a lot like each other

[eve-to-adam]

hello! first of all, i am in love with all your art, like, seriously, especially the recent ones 'cause young EoY is sooooooo indescribably lovely!!!🤧🤍 but i also got curious if you have any headcannons or ideas in general about her sisters and the relationship between them, maybe particularly with the oldest ones, like Mary and Cecily? just curiosity really, 'cause i think a lot about it 🤭

Hello!

Thanks for the compliments! I am delighted to know that my ideas arouse your interest! <33333

Indeed, it can be said that I have some headcanons with the York sisters, especially the first three - Elizabeth, Mary and Cecily. I will speak more on her behalf, because we know the most information about her, but Elizabeth and the York royals formed a very united family, especially that of Edward IV. I'm not necessarily saying that it's something out of the ordinary in the Middle Ages - although it may have seemed so - but the moment when I learned about Edward's affection for his daughters was the same when all the scenarios about them came to life.

This is especially because I am the type of person who likes to look more towards the domestic side of medieval life, not necessarily politics. Of course, at first it seemed natural to me to start this journey by illustrating Elizabeth - she being the most popular of the York sisters -, and at the same time trying to figure out what kind of personality I could attribute to her. All the information we know about her put her somewhat in the light of a saint or at least that of a "perfect child", so I wanted through all this artistic search of mine to discover what would be the correct approach regarding her childhood - the challenges she could create for her parents; fits of anger through which she could express her dissatisfaction; the moments when she proves a little more difficult to discipline. I want to explore the defiant Elizabeth, the impulsive Elizabeth, the Elizabeth who prefers to resort to deception or an innocent lie instead of taking responsibility, the one who uses her position as a princess to get what she wants. In short, my goal is to get past this historical covering of perfectionism and discover the child in Elizabeth, not necessarily the Queen of England. The same aspects are valid for her other two younger sisters.

Back to the headcanons: I've always imagined Elizabeth being closest to Mary, just as Edward IV was closest to Edmund as a child - as two confidants, secretly sneaking sweets into the bedchamber they share together , playing and reading stories even though they should be sleeping, lending each other some accessories, poking each other with sarcastic lines while embroidering, etc. I have the impression that Cecily would receive special treatment, being the third and the youngest among them, ending up causing some jealous reactions from the two older sisters. Elizabeth is the eldest, but she can be very impulsive at times. I imagine Mary to be much quieter and more obedient and Cecily would be the one who probably causes most of the disasters, lol. That is unless we are talking about the scenario in which all three appear, the "daddy's princesses" group, in which case they most likely got together to make Edward's life an ordeal, haha. Because I like nothing more than putting Edward in difficult or stressful positions because of his princesses. I love doing this. A lot.

Here we have an existential crisis roughly outlined in 30 minutes, lol.

[rosemarytales]

Clothing colour symbolism in The White Queen

So. I was looking at this image and wondering why Richard stands out so much in terms of colour and what it might mean, which led me down a rabbit hole. I discovered that there's one too many coincidences to be casual.

So, here's my theory about each character and what their clothing says about them and their motives.

Richard Duke of Gloucester

Richard, throughout the first episodes of the show, is mostly seen wearing either blue or Edward's trademark colours (cream, white). Blue signifies loyalty, a trademark of Richard ("Loyaulté me lie") and that loyalty is to Edward.

After Edward's death, he is seen wearing a darker shade of blue (blue + black = loyalty and grief). He is wearing full black after the deaths of Edward his son and of Anne.

Edward IV

Edward wears mostly cream or beige. It could be interpreted as white (purity), in some cases even as yellow (generosity). I haven't found much about cream: maybe it was normal nobility clothing, even though the most common association with nobility is royal purple.

The most interesting thing about his outfits is when other characters match him to show their loyalty to him, most notably Elizabeth and Richard, but also George after his betrayal of Warwick.

Sometimes, him and Elizabeth alternate, with one scene where one is wearing cream and the other light blue and viceversa, which may represent their loyalty to each other. I think, but I am not sure, that the one who is wearing cream is the main focus of the scene, whereas the blue-wearer is showing their support. But I don't remember the context of the scenes, so this is just conjecture.

His colours are always light though, be it yellow or blue.

George Duke of Clarence

I would have expected George to wear a lot of green, considering it is the colour of envy, so I was quite surprised when I realised he didn't so much (he still does sometimes, though). I had noticed, however, that in his introduction scene, while both his brothers are wearing cream/beige (matching), he stands out with orange clothes.

What does orange represent? "Worthwhile ambition". Checks out.

He sheds the orange definitively by the time he joins Edward's side again (as shown in the top picture) and he wears progressively lighter clothing, possibly showing his redemption? By the time of Isabelle's death and his own, he is only wearing a white chemise. He is visibly wearing the chemise under black clothes (grief) at the masked party.

But, do you know who wears a lot of green?

Richard Earl of Warwick

Do I need to explain this one? He envies both Edward and the Woodvilles for the power they hold.

He wears some yellow, which represents generosity, so long as he is keeping up friendly appearances and up until his betrayal of Edward. He does not, however, wear white, because the last thing he wants is peace. He is just acting like it for what he thinks is Edward's sake.

Queen Elizabeth

White is the colour of peace (in the first scene she is trying to make peace with Edward). We also see specks of blue (loyalty), probably to her dead husband.

However, she is most often seen wearing yellow (generosity), most notably at her coronation, white (purity) and light blue (loyalty). Much like Richard, she often matches with Edward.

Queen Anne

Anne is quite funny. She changes colours quite a lot, sometimes matching Richard, her sister or her father, other times not matching anyone else.

I think it shows her loyalty is to the people she loves and not to loyalty itself, unlike her husband. However, she is also ambitious and follows her own agenda, but she's always careful not to step on any toes.

She is loyal, generous, reliable and sometimes envious, which all shows in her clothing throughout the show.

Literal Queen.

Margaret Beaufort

Say what you want about her, but I am in love. Her strength of character is incredible and she is so funny, but this is unrelated to the post.

Black = the colour of grief. Her character arc is loss and gain, but the latter only comes into play in the literal last minute of the show. So loss of everything and subsequent grief.

Red = the colour of martyrdom. She is the most pious and self-sacrificial character in the whole show.

Blue = undying loyalty to the House of Lancaster, despite the risk it poses to her life and that of the people around her.

Jacquetta Woodville

Blue all the way down. Her loyalty is not to a house, or to a King, but to her daughter.

Isabelle Neville, Duchess of Clarence

Lots of green, like her dad, but mostly in a lighter shade, showcasing innocence.

She is also quite envious of Elizabeth, but not to the point of starting a war about it, so less envious (therefore, less green) than her father.

In her case, green might even represent youth.

Anthony Woodville

Brown, the colour of honesty, stability and reliability.

He is not afraid to speak his mind to Elizabeth ("your marriage was fake"), but he is also her rock throughout the show.

[jayde-jots]

Atlantic Sir topham let’s goooooooo!!!

Idea actually, the engines all assume sir Topham would suck ass at driving himself, but he’s surprisingly capable?

(Based on season one when he first purchased Percy because it looked like he drove Percy himself and Percy wasn’t too surprised)

Turns out Sir Topham does just fine if not splendid at driving himself. That’s how the engines find out Sir Topham learned how to drive an engine before a car. That’s why he sucked when he first learned to drive with Elizabeth (for those who know who she is.)

Actually head cannon: Sir Topham hatt still sucks at driving on the road. Just not as chaotic as he once was. He almost gave Dowager Hatt a heart attack once from his poor driving skills back in the day.

Also how would Sir Topham hatt feel when learning engine culture so to speak?

Like wheeshing steam at another engine is the equivalent of hugging or patting a fellow engine or slapping them in the face deepened on the circumstances of it.

Buffer to buffer touch when both facing each other is the equivalent of a hug or holding each other, ect.

Also I feel like Percy would wheesh steam at him to make him feel better but forget that he’d have to explain why he did that because the “engine” he wheeshed at didn’t understand the meaning of it and saw it as offensive but it was meant like a hug.

I think Edward would explain engine stuff to Sir Topham or at least try to, maybe they all would

Wow, I had an entirely different viewpoint to this. My first thoughts were that yes, he knows how to operate a steam engine, we saw that he can when he had to become Thomas's fireman in Thomas and the Royal Engine. As well as I'm just assuming it is a requirement of becoming a controller of a railway. Also, I don't think it was implied that STH drove Percy all the way to Sodor, he probably rode back with him while a crew operated Percy. There is a very good reason why 2 people operate a steam engine and not one person, that one person would be in charge of keeping up the coal intake, keeping an eye on the gauges, as well as just driving the thing in the first place. Imagine if you had to do that all in a car. That all being said, yes he knows how to operate an engine, driver and fireman, being an engine is an entirely different experience. Probably a lot of mixed phantom sensations. Like his buffers feeling like hands until someone touches them, then they feel completely different and alien. Or that he can't sense his tender or cab all that well until someone makes them known to him, like an engine bumps him or a worker steps in and operates him manually. Also driving himself is something he struggles with, not being able to sense the levers he needs to move, or being able to turn his head to see what's behind him when reversing, and when he expects to go down one set of tracks but he instead gets put onto another. Train etiquette I believe he understands well enough, a harsh weesh of steam is meant to be a harsh gesture, but slowly letting off the steam and letting the hot air waft to you he knows are two very different things. I imagine it could be a whole Tidmouth team effort, Thomas might show him the basics of shunting, Edward mixed traffic, Henry goods, Gordon express, James passengers, Percy night trains, Toby might do livestock, Duck may give a lecture on what sensations mean what in terms of maintenance, and Donald and Douglas might show him how to plow snow. He might need to build up his muscle memory for a bit before he begins to drive himself, so whoever his crew is probably needs to manually drive him until he gets the sensations correct. During his time with the engines he might say some human expressions to the engines that they don't understand, as well as see some sides to his engines he wasn't aware of before. He might just get fed up with Gordon and James's boasting, and vent about it to Edward I can imagine one conversation already- STH: "Ugh, there should be a clock in that shed. I don't know how long James and Gordon were arguing for but it felt like hours. How you all managed to sleep through that is baffling, their bickering was about driving me up the wall." Edward: "Driving you up the wall??" STH: "Oh! No, sorry Edward, it's a human figure of speech. It means they were making me cross over a stretch of time." Edward: "Oh dear, well, to answer your question sir I guess we've sort of grown accustomed to it. And if it is really bothering us we tell them to stop, it's sort of like what I believe you refer to as an unwritten rule that you don't keep an entire shed awake because everyone knows what the consequences of that are in the morning. Remember when we were all exhausted that one morning last year? That was because Thomas, James, Gordon and Henry all got into a squabble for most of the night and kept me and Percy up." STH: "Oh good grief that happens far to often doesn't it?" Edward: "The expression is 'Bust my buffers', and yes, yes it does."

[dooplissss]

i saw your tags on that post, can you tell me about the homestuck quadrants? i was hugely into homestuck like 10 years ago but i’ve forgotten almost everything. i want to remember the ancient ways

* cracks knuckles >:) *

Matesprit ❤️ is easy, its just what humans see as romance and true love etc. One of the two reproductive quadrants, yadda yadda you get it.

Examples: - Morticia <3 Gomez - Ruby <3 Sapphire - Darcy <3 Elizabeth, with arguably some grey/black romance thru the story but thats what makes it so enduring

Moirails ♦️ is my personal favorite quadrant and is fairly straightforward, tho the canon definition is different from fanon. In fanon, its interpreted basically as best friends/queerplatonic, which, yeah, can and usually does happen with that proximity and thats why I love it, but in canon its more a power balance to prevent violence and death, typically with one figure reining back a more chaotic one. When applying to humans and other fandoms tho its better to lean toward the slightly fanon interpretation since Alternia's violent culture is so different from ours.

Examples: - Nepeta <> Equius - Aziraphale <> Crowley (obvi the situation is changing but lets leave this here) - Dean <> Castiel (obvi i'm team matesprit but canonically they belong here up til cas declares his love) - Joel <> Ellie (this is a strictly platonic quadrant dw) - Caleb <> Nott/Veth (I want to shake liam and sam so bad and explain that the relationship they were looking for was right here and they didnt have to awkwardly choose between romance and friendship)

Auspictice ♣️is the one everyone gets wrong and drives me the most insane. It's a tricky and very specific balancing dynamic thats hard to find, except maybe on the CW. Canonically, its a group of three people, two (left and right leaves) want to outright kill each other. This does not make them kismesis, I cannot stress that enough, kismesis don't want each other dead, but we'll get there in a sec. The third person is meant to prevent them from killing each other, being the mediator. Its rare for this dynamic to not be outright toxic, esp in human examples, but its a healthy option on Alternia to prevent unnecessary murder. I think this dynamic is meant to be temporary tho, even in that culture, as it weighs on the mediator a lot.

Examples: - Eridan <3< Sollux ^ Feferi, unfortunately unsuccessful showing how difficult and straining this relationship type is (also everyone who said eridan and sollux were kismesis owes me $5, I'll become a millionaire instantly) - Edward <3< Jacob ^ Bella - Pearl <3< Greg ^ Steven, a happy ending example of an auspictice (ignore the ptsd)

Kismesis ♠️is. man where do I begin. its so good. its such a fun dynamic, especially when you have a pairing that gets it just right. Kismesis is perfect enemies, arch-rivals that share a mutual respect and drive each other to improve themselves to better outwit their opponent. Its when a captain sees one of their ships on fire and smiles, knowing just who did it. Its tipping your opponents head up by the tip of a sword. Its the bad guy showing up at your doorstep because theres no one else they trust more than their greatest nemesis. Its the other reproductive quadrant because its just as deep and passionate as true love, and it can in fact switch between love and hate very easily and often.

Examples: - Quark <3< Odo (imo the BEST non-homestuck example) - Batman <3< Joker (friend hates when i say this but i'm right, esp with lego batman) - Xavier <3< Magneto - Light <3< L - God <3< Satan, why not lmao

I wish homestuck was seen as less cringe bc the quadrants are SOOO FUN to apply to ships and dynamics in other fandoms and contexts. At the same time, people get the quadrants wrong constantly, especially between kismesis and auspictice. And the quadrants aren't static, you don't have to lock a ship in just one forever! feelings change and very easily turn from black to red to black again, its all so complicated and fun to watch.

Hope all this makes sense lmao, thanks for the ask!

[yorkshire-rockchick]

Please can we know about your OCs, I've seen the odd mention to them in your fics on AO3

Oh, I love my OCs and can say so much about them.

THE PLAYERS;

Harry Winters - Goal keeper who moves up from the academy team at 16. Good frieds with Noah and Drew, boyfriend of Chloe.

Ezekiel Noah Gordon - Goes by Noah because he hates his first name. Came up from the academy. Plays as a right back defender. Good friends with Harry and Drew

Andrew "Drew" Cameron - A Scottish trans player who also went to the AFC Richmond academy. Plays as a striker and looks up to Jamie and Dani. Unofficially adopted by Paul and Tom.

THE FAMILY MEMBERS

Isabella "Izzy" Rosenfeldt - Anders girlfriend, later wife. They've been together since they were 15. You know the woman who hugs Anders at the end of the last episode when Richmond wins? This is her, I just made her interesting. She's half Spanish, half American. Her dad works for the US Government which is how she ended up in London.

Erin Reynolds - Paul Reynolds wife. They met at church and are the only Richmond couple to get married in a church due to both of them having a Catholic upbringing. Erin speaks Irish as a first language and didn't learn English until she was 16 when she decided she wanted to go to law school.

Olivia Catherine "Liv" Reynolds - Paul and Erin's eldest child. Named after her godparents. She is smarter than most children her age, likes hanging out with the team and calls them all her uncles. Based on the line "You told my daughter..." in series 2 when everyone has a go at Jamie

Emily Grace Reynolds -Erin and Paul's youngest daughter. Based on the line "What about sonograms?" when everyone has to delete photos off their phones.

Sophie O'Brien - Tom O'Briens wife. They met when Tom accidentally crashed his car into Sophie's. They get married after 6 months because they both like each other and they think it is a good idea. Sophie has a masters degree in chemistry and teaches at a private all girls school. She eventually gives up her job to focus on her PhD.

Pippa Kukoč (nee Edwards) - Sasha Kukoč's girlfriend, later wife. She is a nursing student who has a placement in the local Accident and Emergency department which means she sees a lot of the Richmond players. She is Jeff Goodmans cousin so he disapproved of her relationship at times.

Elizabeth - the fabulous creation of @orbitalpirate, she is a curvy goddess who is loved by Thierry Zoreaux.

Chloe Morgan - Harry's girlfriend. Knows nothing about football beyond what colours Richmond play in. Grew up in care so had a rough start in life. Rebecca offers her a job working for Richmond as a means to support herself and she loves it.

THE PETS

Spagetti the Corgi - Arlo Dixon's corgi. Occasionally looked after by Olivia Reynolds. Spagetti is a rescue dog, so everyone jokes Arlo is a rescue human after he moved in with Jeff.

Alfred Bumbercatch - Moe's cat. Alfred turned up one day and that was that. He is a Sphynx cat so Moe knits him a lot of jumpers.

Arthur the Rabbit - Tommy Winchester's rabbit. Arthur is spoiled and has free run of the house. Decan claims not to like him, this is a lie. Jamie laughs every time he hears the name.

Marshamallow McAdoo-Bumbercatch - Isaac and Moe's Pomeranian puppy that they get when they get married. Pretends not to like Alfred. Isaac treats her like a princess and it shows at times.

Cleo the cat - Jamie and Colin's maine coon cat. She is stubborn and only likes Jamie and Colin. She has been known to poop in the shoes of people she does not like.

Rocky the horse - Izzy's horse, brought for her by Anders after they found out they couldn't have children. Izzy swaps horse tips with Rebecca after Rebecca also gets a horse.

There are more OCs to be added, both human and pets but they are still in development.

[richmond-rex]

I know neither of them are contemporary, but I'm absolutely obsessed with how similar Elizabeth Woodville's most famous portrait is to her daughter's, and also how similar the two of them look in their family depiction in Canterbury.

I'm so here for the the way Edward IV and Elizabeth Woodville's children were strongly identified with their maternal family - while classism certainly played a role in it, it's also clear that the fact that their maternal family was English and were regularly at court as opposed to being foreign nobles, which meant that they had a stronger presence in the York siblings life than most previous royals. And we know that Elizabeth Woodville kept her children close to her, that Elizabeth of York regularly accompanied her mother and emulated several of her mother's activities as queen, that Elizabeth was an official member of her son the Crown Prince's council which gave her formal authority rather than informal influence, and that Anthony Woodville was his nephew's governor. I think Richard Gray also became involved towards the end of his life. And there's the fact that some people wanted to seperate Edward V from his maternal uncle and brothers until he came of age presumably because of their influence on him, and the fact that people were worried about Richard III potentially marrying Elizabeth of York because she would use her power to avenge her uncle and (half) brother.

Hi! Yeah, it's very telling that there were people who actually thought Elizabeth of York would use her position as queen to avenge her Woodville relatives and brothers. And we do have evidence that she cared about them, as she later paid people who served them (her uncle Anthony and her brother Edward V). She was also very protective of her sisters, paying for their diet and clothes even though they were married (and theoretically, those should be provided by their husbands) — I don't know of any queen who paid annuities for their sisters like that — so it does seem like she cared a lot about her immediate family. In my opinion, it speaks to a certain way that she and her siblings were raised, very much surrounded by maternal uncles and their Grey half-brothers (not to mention, for example, their grandmother Jacquetta, who even went to sanctuary with them in the first time).

The most famous portraits of the two Elizabeths are not contemporary but there are other images which very much resembled each other. The Canterbury stained window, as you said, and Elizabeth of York's effigy and Elizabeth Woodville's manuscript illustration:

[jortschronicles]

Monmouth caps and awesome hats

Those of you who know me in person or on facebook may know that last year, Mistress Elsa got me into the deep dark black hole wonderful world of knitting monmouth caps! I started this as a way to fidget when nervous and burn up some scrap yarn, but this has definitely spiralled out of control with 112 hats made and two (in different sizes) sitting on the needles. I've made a variety of colors, sizes, and patterns, including developing a pattern for the Ansteorran and Vindheim stars on the crown of the hat. I've found this ongoing project rewarding, especially since I started giving the completed hats to my baroness to distribute at her own leisure. There's something pretty magical about seeing your creations in the wild. I do not see this project ending anytime soon.

I have a small number of garb projects in time out for their sins and crimes (mostly, not working exactly the way i want them to right then and there). Foremost of these are my lined Rus Coat and the Neapolitan dress. The neapolitan dress is an experiment in creating a kirtle entirely from scraps of other projects, and the gores just happen to look an awful lot like neapolitan ice cream. the rus coat is in time out as the liner, mill ends of the fleecy liner carhartt uses in jackets, is not cooperating with the outside shell and i got frustrated by fitting issues. this will be picked up again when i feel more confident and less stressed about being warm.

My current ongoing project is creating an ottoman outfit from the ground up. I made a supportive gomlek which fits well and stress tested it at Pennsic. My next step is a zibin or entari, and I think i have just the right fabric picked out for each. I get excited about starting new periods bc I want all the pretty headwear, but have to restrict myself to only starting a new period when I've finished 1 full outfit for the one I was last working on. My pink and orange rus was finished in time for vindheim's 4th coronet tournament, so on to turkish!

the final project on my immediate docket is a new cotehardie and surcote to wear for the medieval fair of norman. For mental health and physical health reasons, I will be putting the fictional character of Margery Arkewright, greatest shepherdess in Avalon, on the shelf for a couple of years and will in the meantime join a court. I'm currently looking at Elizabeth de Burghersh, Baroness Despencer and as a result, need to make fancier garb. I've got the polysatin shell from some old blackout curtains I intend to line with a light linen and make my cotehardie, and some lovely bronze and black curtain material i'd like to make a surcote from. If I'm a little short on either material, I'm planning on doing a simple particolor between the two. Since we're trying to make more of a push for heraldic wear among the court of Edward III and his family, I looked into what arms might have been associated with her. She married into the Despencer family, whose arms are...something, alright

luckily, from what I can tell it looks like she inherited the barony of berghersh in her own right, and the associated arms are something I can work with

If everything works out, I'm considering a strip of red silk around the cuffs of the cotehardie with the lion embroidered at the wrist? If i have enough pretty red fabric (i may have a cheap velvet somewhere...) I may put a strip of velvet at the bottom of the surcote with the lions repeated around the hem. Just gotta fancy it up a little, ya know?

All that being said, that's my current WIPs, plans, and updates. I need to make some more garb for some locals so they're not fighting in denim and so they have more outfits to wear to different events.

[fideidefenswhore]

She is of middle stature, and is in face like her father, especially about the mouth, but has a voice more manlike, for a woman, than he has for a man. To judge by portraits, her neck is like her mother's. With a fresh complexion she looks not past 18 or 20 although she is 24. Her beauty is mediocre, and it may be said that she is one of the belles of this Court  (fn. 2)  

She is active, and apparently not delicate, loving morning exercise and walking often two or three miles. She speaks and writes French well. Saw letters of hers in French, written to the Emperor's ambassador in the time of her “ennuy.” She understands Latin and enjoys books of “lettres humaines,” which were her solace in sleepless nights at the time she was molested. She delights in music and plays the spinnet “singulièrement.” In conversation, together with sweetness and benignity, she is prudent and reserved. The chamber woman says that when her mother was first repudiated she was sick with “ennuy,” but, on being visited and comforted by the King, soon recovered and has had no such illness since. Her physician and apothecary are Spaniards, and to enquire of them would arouse suspicion; but the apothecary once told Marillac that he never gave her anything but light things, “comme casses, conserves et semblables drogues,” which she took more often because it was her father's command than because she needed them. The chamber woman thinks her of a disposition to have children soon, if married. Has tried to get a portrait of her, but no painter dare attempt it without the King's command.

[2] Kaulek suggests that a negative is omitted either in the first or second part of this sentence, and that Marillac must have meant either that her beauty was not mediocre or that she was not one of the belles of this Court. But may he not have meant that the beauties of the English court were commonplace?

[bethanydelleman]

I've wondered for a long time why there's such a bias among Austen fans toward Pride and Prejudice. Even just looking at # of fanfiction works, there's a clear P&P supremacy. I know Darcy and Lizzie's story has that enemies to lovers spark, but I think there are electrifying/exciting/shocking romantic moments in all her works. Is it that people like the adaptations better for P&P and that creates the bias? Is it really just a Colin Firth bias? (but then again, the director of the 2007 Persuasion called Rupert Penry-Jones "sex-on-legs", so there's plenty of very attractive leading men). What do you think creates the bias?

My understanding is that Pride & Prejudice has always been Austen's most popular work, even in her lifetime. Why it remains the most popular I can't quite say but I have some suspicions.

For one, it translates very well into the modern day. Elizabeth is outspoken and witty, she feels a lot like a modern woman, at least at first glance. Darcy is a recognizable romantic hero.

If you compare Darcy to Edward Ferrars, even though we don't have a similar class structure today, I think the idea of: Darcy could do much better/his family expects better but he's so in love with Elizabeth that he doesn't care is something we still fundamentally understand as a society. But Edward Ferrars is engaged to a woman he doesn't like, but that is admirable? It takes some work to fully comprehend why what Edward does makes him heroic.

Pride & Prejudice also starts in a very fun way. No prologue or set up, we are just thrown into a conversation with Mr. and Mrs. Bennet. The book never really slows down from there, lots of action, lots of banter and witty dialogue. There is also a fun cast of ridiculous side characters like Mr. Collins and Lady Catherine whom we can laugh at with Elizabeth.

I think Austen was right when she called it "light, bright, and sparkling". It's fun! There isn't a whole lot of angst and when it does happen, it's over pretty quickly. Compared to Persuasion which is like, waist-deep angst most of the time. Which is not a criticism, it's good angst, lots of people really like it.

Now I do know that JAFF mostly sprang up from P&P 1995 and there has been a strong 1995 influence which has lasted till this day. The main concept in JAFF seems to be that Elizabeth and Darcy are the immortal, destined, true pairing and no matter the circumstances they will always get together. Which is interesting because Jane Austen makes their love story pretty fragile and coincidental right from the beginning (Bingley took Netherfield on a whim).

You can see the influence of 1995 in the physical description of the characters. Darcy is almost always is described as having dark curly hair, Jane is blonde, Caroline wears orange etc. despite none of this being in the novel.

Jane Austen’s novels are so different from each other and there is really something for everyone. But the Pride & Prejudice bias is very strong, and I’m not sure if it’s mostly because of 1995 or there are other reasons.

Add your own theories here:

[therealvinelle]

Hii! Your blog is amazing, your twilight analysis are so interesting and i agree with a lot of them.

I would like to know your opinion on Rosalie ?

I think her character had so much potential, and smeyer just tried to write her as a shallow bitch and is so unfair.

I think Rosalie is very different from how she’s presented to us. She’s presented pretty much as you describe, shallow and bitchy. But, I don’t think that’s congruent with what we see of her.

The big thing, to me, that we only see her through the eyes of highly biased people. Edward has made up his mind about her, Bella’s view is informed by Edward and her own insecurity, and Jacob sees her as the bitchy vamp who’s helping Bella commit suicide.

There’s her dislike of Bella, the big thing in the books (unsurprisingly, since Bella is our narrator and doesn’t handle being disliked well), but I don’t find that damning. Sometimes people don’t like each other, it happens.

The thing about Rosalie’s dislike of Bella, is that it’s blown out of proportion. Rosalie doesn’t have any dislike towards Bella as a person, not at all, and she makes that clear at every turn. Bella as a person is just fine, she’s glad Edward found someone. It’s Bella’s life choices, and what Bella represents, that offends Rosalie. She disapproves of the former, and the latter, well, that’s just depressing for her.

At no point in canon is Rosalie bitchy, or catty towards Bella. She seeks her distance and sends some grade A angry glares, and that’s it. Not one snide comment (and we see with how she is with Edward or Jacob that she’s very capable of that) directed at Bella, no petty Regina George moments, nothing. On the contrary, by Eclipse Rosalie appears to have accepted Bella as family. Family she’d rather see leave the Cullens and vampirism behind for a bright human future, but in a world of «us» and «them» Bella has become an «us» nonetheless. (I’m basing this on Rosalie being 100% on board with protecting Bella from Victoria, cost what it may, and choosing to confide in her the most traumatic moment of her life so Bella will understand her and rethink her choices.)

A significant, and to me telling moment is in Midnight Sun, before Bella is taken to meet the Cullens. Edward pulls Rosalie aside to talk about this, and they have an open conversation about how Rosalie feels about it and why she’s been so negative about it. She makes it clear that it’s got nothing to do with jealousy, the problem is that she’s watching this girl throw away everything Rosalie ever wanted like it’s nothing. It’s painful to watch, bringing up all the demons. They talk it through, and Rosalie agrees to try and be accepting, on the condition that Edward doesn’t ask too much of her too soon. She’s going to try and work on this.

«Good talk,» Edward says, and proceeds to ask too much of her. Would Rosalie mind being Bella’s welcome committee into the family? See, she’s coming over in a few hours.

Rosalie throws her hands in the air, and boycotts Bella’s introduction.

Edward proceeds to tell Bella that Rosalie’s not there because she’s jealous.

Mere hours later, the Cullens are all in danger, and Rosalie questions right in front of Bella whether this girl they barely know is worth being risking their lives.

As far as first impressions made on both Bella and the reader, Rosalie got a spectacularly bad one, and it’s not one that gets better as she continues to set her own boundaries, up until Breaking Dawn when Bella finally makes a choice she can approve of.

Then there’s the fact that Rosalie is living with a telepath who will judge her for her every thought and misrepresent her, so speaking her mind at the cost of brutal honesty no one wants to hear is as much her personality as it is a survival tactic. She has accepted her place as the bad guy, so to say, the Cordelia of the group who will say what no one wants to hear but should be said. She’s the one who asks why they’re all risking it for Bella in Twilight, the one who takes it upon herself to tell Edward that Bella’s dead. Unfortunately for her, Bella and Edward are fragile people who can’t handle it.

Overall, while Rosalie has her less endearing moments (voting to kill Bella because she wanted to continue living in Forks comes to mind), she’s generous and mature. Setting boundaries and speaking her mind is no sin, but our narrators make it out to be.

(Also, and I think this is best saved for another post on Edward and Rosalie specifically, but with regards to the jealousy and Edward’s fixating on it, I think he is in fact jealous of her, and projects. He’ll never admit it, not even to himself, but... the thing is, when he tells the story of how Carlisle turned him, he removes Elizabeth Masen’s plea from the equation entirely, even in his Midnight Sun inner monologue, making it out to be that Carlisle chose him of his own accord. Rosalie is the one Carlisle chose with no outside prompting (quite the opposite, with Rosalie Carlisle had Edward telling him not to do it, yet he insisted). She’s the one Carlisle looked at and said “I can’t leave this one to die”, yet Edward not only makes it out to be that this is how it happened in Chicago, but also fables that Rosalie was turned for his sake. He seems to view Rosalie as competition for their father’s affection, and retcons things so Carlisle is all about him, which is why I speculate that jealousy could be a factor here.)

[buffyfan145]

Was thinking again about Haladriel and the whole “I would make you a queen” thing and realizing if that had happened a few historical royal couples they actually reminded me of. :D I’ve always been fascinated by Queens and historical romance novels that are based off them, especially in the British royal family, so I easily started to think of actual royal couples that Haladriel were reminding me of and weirdly enough Tolkien would’ve known of them all too. And there are plenty of books, movies, and TV shows about all of these couples if anyone wants to read/watch that I totally recommend, especially since it could work as AUs in some cases. Putting behind a cut since this is a long post and it’s in historical order too.

1. Elizabeth of York & King Henry VII 

This couple is what first came to mind to me, especially since the actors who played them in the miniseries “The White Princess” even looked like Morfydd and Charlie (and there’s now fanart that’s using images from this miseries for Haladriel). LOL :D Elizabeth’s parents were King Edward IV and Elizabeth Woodville and her mom was the first commoner to marry a king. At first everything was fine for the House of York (White) when they took over the throne from Lancaster (Red) during the Wars of the Roses but then it all turned dark as her dad died unexpectedly, her brothers went missing and likely were murdered, and her uncle King Richard III became obsessed with her and even wanted to marry her. Henry Tudor (Hal is normally is nickname for Henry) was the last hope of the Lancaster house and would start the Tudor line and he actually killed Richard III in a massive battle. After Henry was crowned king the families stuck a deal to unite the houses again under Tudor and Henry and Elizabeth married. It was arranged but they actually fell in love and are to this day considered one of the actual love matches between any royal couple in history as neither of them cheated and were so devoted to each other. After Elizabeth died Henry never married again, which was uncommon in those days, and mourned her for the rest of his life. It’s also why Elizabeth is refereed to as the Queen of Hearts and is the queen shown on the playing card. I’m also getting the latest book on them from Alison Weir soon from the library and I’ll make a separate review post but have seen really good reviews for it so I’m excited to read it.

2. Queen Elizabeth I & Robert Dudley 

I made a separate post about this already but there’s lots in common here too. This Elizabeth was the granddaughter of our first couple, the daughter of Henry III and Anne Boylyn, and considered one of the best queens in history.  Even though she never married she had a long relationship with her childhood friend turned love Robert Dudley. Robert was from a family that served the royals but was tainted at first as both his father and grandfather were considered traitors. It was something he and Elizabeth had in common as her mother was killed by her own father.  Then during her sister Mary’s reign both Elizabeth and Henry were imprisoned in the Tower of London thinking they were both going to be killed. This likely is what bonded them for the rest of their lives and turned their friendship into love even though he was married.  Then they were saved and Elizabeth became Queen after her sister died and Robert was at her side as one of her trusted advisors. They kept up their relationship all through till Robert died in his 50s and even though he was married twice. She couldn’t marry or she would lose power due to the rules in those days as she was expected to give power to him so she could have children, and over time he grew to accept that even though he wanted to be her husband. A lot of us now consider him the unofficial consort since he pretty much did have that role till he passed and Elizabeth never loved anyone else like she did with him. And of course Cate Blanchett playing both Elizabeth and Galadriel.

3. Catherine the Great & Grigory Orlov

Going with the Russian royal family here this also reminded me Haladriel in an AU where like Catherine she would take the throne from the husband she hated and rule for the rest of her life. Grigory was her main ally and her main lover for the rest of his life and they had at least 2 kids out of wedlock too as she never remarried after her husband Peter was killed. She did have a son Paul with Peter though who was still her heir. It was Grigory who helped her create her plan and launch the coup that took out Peter. The show “The Great” on Hulu changed this a lot but the actual story fits more here so no gif to use.

4. Queen Victoria & Lord M & Prince Albert & John Brown

This is a tricky one as Queen Victoria was in love 3 times so you can see Haladriel being any or all of the 3 relationships. LOL It started when she became Queen and her prime Minister Lord Melbourne also became her private secretary.  They two of them bonded over so much despite their age difference and fell in love. Most modern historians agree like the show “Victoria” that there were feelings there but neither one acted on them knowing they couldn’t be together. They had 3 years together too before she married and he lost the election, but it’s pretty much known now he was her first love and she was his last as he died a couple years later. She did name her daughter Alice in honor of him as that was his favorite girl’s name and it’s possible that could’ve been the name of his own daughter who died years earlier (her gravestone never had her name on it as she was still a baby). Then Albert came into Victoria’s life oddly enough with Lord M’s blessing and he helped arrange the marriage even saying Albert was like a younger version of himself. Victoria and Albert’s relationship is also considered a great love story among the royal family even with how heated their fights were thanks to people at the palace and other prime ministers writing about it. LOL They also had 9 kids so even with the fighting there was also that between them.  I would recommend watching “The Young Victoria” to get more of their story as personally the TV show was ok with this but the chemistry between Victoria and Lord M overshadowed everything else (which is what I’m worried about with “Rings of Power” and whoever they cast as Celeborn).  Then sadly Albert died young and Victoria was so distraught after his death that she only wore black for the rest of her life/almost 40 years  But she did fall in love again with her Scottish servant John Brown, which there’s a great movie about “Her Majesty, Mrs. Brown” with Judi Dench.  It was another major thing as queens didn’t fall in love with servants and they tried to keep this a secret but it got out and historians found more about it too. But they bonded over the loneliness and John brought happiness back into her life.

5. Princess Louise & Joseph Edgar Bohem

This couple is a newer one I found out about last year thanks to the novel “An Indiscreet Princess” and looking up the history so no gif here either, as this was Queen Victoria’s daughter Louise and the decades long love story she had with her art teacher/sculptor Joseph/Edgar (he was called by both names LOL). They fell in love when she was allowed to attend an art university (she was the first royal to do so) and even though she had to marry they kept up their relationship, eventually with her husband John’s ok as there’s a lot to suggest now that John was gay and their marriage was more arranged. Louise was never able to have children either due to an illness she had as a child so they never had to worry about any children out of wedlock and she and Joseph/Edgar stayed together till he died.  They also both became famous sculptors/artists with their works all over England, Canada, and Australia. So turns out she and her mom were very alike in their relationships, similar now comparing Galadriel, Celebrían, and Arwen.

6. Princess Margaret & Peter Townsend

This is another one that’s more recent but everything that happened between Margaret and Peter just breaks my heart. They weren’t allowed to be together because of the rules at the time, their age difference, and him being divorced even though they loved each other. Thankfully they reunited again in the years leading up to his death but still just sad they couldn’t be together.  This all has been so well done and shown in “The Crown”.

There’s likely more out there but these are the ones I’m more familiar with and would suggest reading/watching more about. :)

[blackbutlerfandomnerddomain]

Ebony Black

The ballroom floor was crowded with people dancing as the music play, many party goers buzzed from the cider or drunk off the party's atmosphere. It makes sense for it's a ball celebrating the turning clock of another year of age of one of England's most lovely women.

The very lady of the hour stands still staring out the large glass window of the ballroom, her long wavy locks of golden curls tied up in a gentle curled and rolled up with her long strain rest against the left side of her face, her ears wearing polished pearls much like the many rows around her neck like a tightly snug noose, her gown well kept and not wrinkled in the slightest as she wears her long elegant white gloves and her high heeled shoes peek out under the lace of the skirt just so lightly. Indeed, she has given up her childish short heeled shoes long ago since the whole rumor mill of her engagement cut and the criminal gossip around it. She still can't quite look at the newspaper articles without feeling sick now a days.

"Would you like to dance Lady Elizabeth?"

The voice of a man takes the maiden out her fogged thoughts, her spring green eyes looking to a blond man dressed in a military suit, a cocky grin on his face. With a meek smile, she shook her head, "No thanks. I'm alright right now." She watched as her smile fades as he walks away with a not so hidden scowl. With a sigh she muttered, "Busy bees the lot of them." "My my that's a sudden tongue." Elizabeth whips her head around to see a handsome man with long hair of silver that work well with his beautiful silver coin eyes dressed in fine white with shiny metals on his breasts holding a campaign glass in his black gloved hand. "Grey, hello again." She Elizabeth with a smile and a lighter tone of welcome in her voice for she truly means it as he was simply one of many who have been beside her and her family's side after the whole parade of madness that was the media and trauma.

"Happy birthday My Lady." Said he with a grin that shines, causing a giggle to escape soft pink petal lips. "Thank you so much Charles, you're so sweet." Though the gesture was sweet indeed, Lizzie indeed felt something amidst. "I believe I saw Edward go to the gardens by himself, sure is getting dark-" "I'll go check on him for you."

Lizzie giggles as she watches him hurry out after taking the bait like a bird begging for worms. The two have been painfully obvious for the last few months so it's only natural they see each other away wandering eyes.

She wishes she felt that way again...

As the clock chimes the next hour, Lizzie felt her power hit the bottom of the dance floor. She used to love parties but no they have grown dull. She used to love being a butterfly in center of attention, but now she hated the eyes on her judging her every move awaiting for her to burst. She used to lavish in the moment, but now she just wants to hide away in shame.

Shame of never knowing the difference of her fiance. Shame of "leaving" her fiance and his brother behind. Shame of not once accepting a proposal years later. Shame to have never...accepting that stoic handsome face sooner.

After the entire thing the Midford family worked together with the Phantomhive and Trancy family names as the Queen's Guard Dog and the Funtom business as per pleading request of Lizzie herself. It's honest decent. It distracts her mind and heart from the sudden shift of field. Not at her ex fiance or his twin brother whom she cared for just the same, but to a butler dressed in black with eyes a beautiful red bead color. Lizzie hates herself for thinking of her and him possibly being alone in the garden walks she does when she reads a case. She hates herself for cursing a kiss goodnight from him every night when she feel melancholy. And she hates always thinking on what he said that one day many months ago when he suddenly had to take a leave of absence, his words of confirmation of his much strong affection towards her despite him knowing he can't be with her due to his status as a butler but also as she and her family now know... a demon.

The door open suddenly, the room growing quiet with some whispering murmurs and stares of awe, the sounds of footsteps echoing across the marble floors polish in sparkles as many people stare.

A shadow appears out the ways of the crowd, a shadow of a tall man with hair dark as black combed back and the longer pieces tied back in a bright pink ribbon bow tied tightly dressed in a fine white attire with flares of red and blacks as if the elements were battling right among his skin, a elegant appearance he holds as he's dressed in jewels of many kinds and shiny items that seem like metals if you look closely, his handsome face perfect framed in the shadows and glow of candle lights and the night sky just outside the large bask windows including the large ceiling as his dark eyes shine in a wondrous awe.

With each step he took, his footsteps echo around and into Lizzie's soul as she slowly catches memories of the very man from his gentle smile and that warm glow of his red eyes.

Suddenly, he stops right in front of her and bows much like how a prince does in fairy tale books, his voice deep and gentle, "I am Sir Lord Banishes Calamities, I have came all the way from my homeland to wish you a very happy birthday, dear Lady Elizabeth. And, if you are so kind, I would like to wish you a birthday blessing in a form of a dance if I may so beg?"

Lizzie glanced to her family as her heart swell at the slight plea of his voice, she can tell they know very well who this man is, and she know well that they know her feelings of this moment. She had swore many years ago to never hide from her family again.

So, with a smile, she reaches her hand out and gently took the hand before her. Instantly, the feeling of everyone else has long since disappear from the room. It was just her and him, him and her. Together.

As they dance under the dark sky, Lizzie felt her heart swore in new heights. He may be a demon from Hell, yes, but tell me how she felt like she was in a new found Heaven when she's this close to him.

Her heart swoon more and more with each elegant spin and dip from the mysterious male before her, of course only he can add the flares of the countless fight dances they faced together.

"I must admit, you surprised me." She spoke softly, feeling a drunk flush cover her face in warmth of his senses new her's as her heart beats right against her breast so hard. Sebastian smiles down to her and spins her once more as he speaks low to her, "Well I did say I couldn't be with you due to my status of a butler correct? I figured me showing my status as Lord is more acceptable." Green orbs blink fast as she stares at him, her voice a squeak of shock, "You're a actual Lord?" The demon simple chuckles as he dips her, his face near her neck as if a realistic vampiric creature, the two can simply feel their souls connecting as one as they also hear a new sound...Two hearts beating as one.

Lizzie smiles softly to herself as she gently rubs the golden band coated in a rather large shiny diamond and two rubies and two emeralds on her thin finger. If she could go back and talk with that little girl who made a promise to hide her fencing and be cute and worthy of protecting for the sake of her 8 year old fiance she would happily tell her all the chapters of her engagement and married life of a wonderful man and give birth to their lovely daughter.

The same lovely daughter who stands so still out the largest window of the manor eyeing the road in the front of the courtyard pass the thick floral trees until a black carriage of two come to view. "Mama! Mama! They're here!" Pipped Bell, her seemingly mature appearance shattering into the form of a child in guise of a young teenage lady dressed in dark green as she runs down the halls to the door.

Lizzie giggled and hurried after after she hikes her skirt up to run her flat heeled boots against the floor.

"I feel so terrible. You and I just got wed and I will have to leave you alone."

Lizzie smiled to her new husband, both sitting on a picnic blanket with a bunch of beautifully adorable treats and tea sat ready before the two, the spring sun high above them as she swore a soft yellow gown with short heeled shoes of a pink color and her hair down her back while he wore a simple white button up and black pants with a yellow tie around his neck and dark red vest unbuttoned on his stomach area with his hands and feet bare with his toes buried in the cold water.

Her gentle arms wrap around his strong one and snuggled her face to his shoulder as she speaks, "It'll be alright Sebastian. Obviously you still have your duties as a butler of a Earl Phantomhive. Besides, we'll still see each other when we work on cases and you can visit as much as you may." Sebastian's eyes slowly scan away from his wife, he honestly looks...bashful?

"Yes but...what'll happen if you and I...have a child?"

Two hand held together as they watch the scene unfold of the children talking and bonding as always. Beside on Lizzie's left was Doll, Ciel, and Alois while on Sebastian's right was Hannah and Angela.

"Honestly, I still scratch my head at the idea of what things used to be." Said Doll after looking as Albert and Rachel make flower crowns and place them on both Brair's and Bella's heads. The blond girl couldn't help but giggle in response, "I couldn't agree more. But that's a good thing, yes?"

This is a part two of my previous fic, Angel Belladonna Cake which was written for @sebalizzie, @annoyinglyshinycherryblossom, and @nullb1rdbones

[statecryptids]

YULETIDE BOOK REVIEW

The Wimbourne Book of Victorian Ghost Stories, Volume 1

Edited and with an Introduction by Alastair Gunn

Winter is the season of ghosts. As the nights grow longer and the days colder, as the trees turn to twisted skeletons and the land itself goes to sleep, it is said that the walls between worlds grow thin, allowing the dead- and other, stranger spirits- to step into our world. If you look at Yule traditions outside of America, you’ll find hordes of ghosts, witches, trolls, household spirits, and other things creeping around the outside walls or hiding behind the stove.

This Yuletide spookiness underlies the British tradition of telling ghost stories around Christmas. When you hear “Christmas ghosts” you probably think of Charles Dickens’s “A Christmas Carol” (and maybe also the line about how “there’ll be scary ghost stories” from the song “It’s The Most Wonderful Time of the Year”).  But this was just one among many in a long history of tales. And indeed, it was only one among man Christmas ghost story Dickens wrote.  

Winter ghost stories have been told in Europe for centuries, but in Britain the tradition really took off in the Victorian period. These tended to be what you might call “cozy” stories. The protagonists were often well-to-do or at least comfortably off. The hauntings frequently took place in or around a stately manor or otherwise well-furnished dwelling. These were tales meant to spook, but not horrify. Something to create a little creepy fun on a cold winter’s night. What M.R. James called “a pleasing terror”.

The Wimbourne Book of Victorian Ghost Stories is actually a series of anthologies collecting dozens of ghostly tales from the late 19th and early 20th centuries.  Each volume has a theme for the included authors, and this first volume focuses on women writers of British ghost stories.

Though many of these tales ae meant to be light, there are still plenty with a gothic sense of dread such as Elizabeth Gaskell’s “The Old Nurse’s Story”, or Isabella Banks “Wraith-Haunted”. Others are quieter, moody encounters such as Amelia B. Edwards “How the Third Floor Knew the Potteries”, or Louisa Baldwin’s “How He Left the Hotel” (I’m particularly fond of the latter tale because I find the thought of being an elevator-operator in a haunted hotel oddly quaint and charming).

Some stories are just short descriptions of ghostly encounters, such as Mary Louisa Molesworth’s “The Story of the Rippling Train”, or Ellen Wood’s “Seen in the Moonlight”. Then there are tales that are phantasmagoric enigmas such as Rhoda Broughton’s “The Man With the Nose” which has lots of Freudian and even feminist themes to it.

Many of the stories are written as if they were transcriptions of a narrator relating a story to friends- likely because they were meant to be read out loud to an audience gathered around the fireplace. The effect gives the tales a distinct feel that can take some getting used to. Also, some of the cultural attitudes can be dissonant or off-putting at times coming as they do from a society and time period obsessed with class and maintaining social mores. Though the only story that really falls flat is Lilian Giffen’s “The Ghost of the Belle-Alliance Plantation” which relies on a weird racist trope for its big jump-scare moment.

Overall, however, there is enough variety in the tones and themes of these stories that a reader will likely find several favorites. You can get a copy of the Wimbourne Book of Victorian Ghost Stories: Volume One right here.

[extremelyblackandwhite]

illicit affairs

pairing: sheriff lee bodecker x younger! reader

warnings: smut (18+), cheating, age gap

a/n: i love perfumes which smell of daisies so i made the reader use something like that. i do imagine her going for a very much female appearance and aura despite her personality and i can see lee fancying that sort of fragile femininity look paired with her independency. this song is based of illicit affairs from taylor swift but i was also listening to all too well at some points so i think some of that passed onto the writing. hope you enjoy xx

> DRESS

Leave the perfume on the self that you picked up just for him so you leave no trace behind like you don’t even exist. Take the words for what they are a dwindling, mercurial high, a drug that only worked the first few hundred times ... And you wanna scream don’t call me “kid”, don’t call me “baby”, look at this idiotic fool that you made me. You taught me a secret language I can't speak with anyone else. And you know damn well for you I would ruin myself a million little times ...

The snow settled onto the ground, a view she could see from her white window. Sprawled against her window pane, the blue soft fabric of her dress cascaded down her body as she watched the snow fall and become one with the mass of white covering the once green grass of her home. Her feet dangled in anticipation, hair cascading into hairdresser set curls, held away from her face with a pearl barrette. Her fingers dangled across her collarbones, feeling the cold matching pearls which unlike her barrette clip, had been offered to her by Lee on thanksgiving. “A pretty girl like you deserves her own pearls” his voice echoed in her mind whenever her feeling felt the smooth irregular circle shapes of the pearls laying against her collarbones. There was nothing more than she wanted than to wear those pearls to the police winter ball, to show up wearing something he had bought for her with what money he gathered from his fickle Captain position, but she couldn’t. Everyone knew what she had, what jewellery she had, it was all valued at the insurance centre downtown and the pearl necklace definitely wasn’t. Her own pearls rested inside her ivory jewellery box along with the ribbon she was wearing around her waist when she first kissed him, and the comb that held her hair in place whenever she met him during windy nights. 

Her grandmother had left before her, leaving with the grocery shop owner as her date for the ball but she had stayed behind. She had told her she’d rather go alone, blaming her loneliness on the fact all the boys her age were either engaged thus going with their wives and the single ones not wanting to do with her. Of course that was further from the truth and as she watched the snow fall, she imagined Lee’s cruiser driving through the snow, stopping in front of her home and knocking on her door to take her. But those were nothing but impossible scenarios created from the deepest part of her psyche. Looking over her shoulder, the clock on her bedside table shone 9PM into bold red letters. She should get going before her grandmother got worried. Her eyes lingered across her beauty parlour to the silver platter with her perfume, the one she’d picked just for him after hearing how much he loved the smell of daisies. She had to leave it, she couldn’t put any perfume on, she couldn’t take her pearls, she doesn’t exist. At least, she as Lee’s lover does not exist for all that everyone could know and nothing hurt more than the sound of her pearls returning to her ivory box. It was were they belonged, away from everyone, hidden, a mysterious sin secret. 

With her white fur wrapped around her arms, she entered her glossy yet dull red car, pulling the hood up despite the weather. She wanted to feel the cold, she wanted that numbness to hide what she had been feeling for the last months. It was all so exhilarating when it began; the summer walks, laying in the middle of the forest in an old towel as he feed her ripe strawberries, escaping from her grandmother’s house at night and meeting him up under the apple tree in light dresses. However, at time wind down, she started to crave the rest of a relationship, the holding of hands. Instead what she got was clandestine meetings in parking lots, behind the bars or in the middle of the forest when no one could see them. She constantly told herself it was going to eventually be her turn, he was gonna leave Jane for her. Yet, she seemed to constantly fall on the same error every mistress before her did, the mistake of forgetting her place. Stopping in front of the old town hall where the ball was being held, she could see the soft lights, hear the laughter and it made her sick. She didn’t want to go in, she didn’t want to see those happy couples but she had too. She had to put up a show, be the little pedestal trouble starter woman she was expected to be and so she would. 

Stepping into the hall, her eyes immediately found Lee in the corner speaking with the Sheriff, arm draped over Jane’s shoulder while the other hand held a clear cup probably with his favourite drink. Her heart sunk to the same place it always did as she got lost in the dance floor. She knew everyone in this town hall, from the first boy she ever kissed Jonah and his third wife Elizabeth to Billy whom had been prom king with her. There was nothing new anymore and what once felt new and true was now anchoring her inside a fishbowl of images of her own mistakes and unfulfilled life needs. 

      - Hey, Y/N. - Billy called out for her attention. She held onto the fur wrapped around her for comfort as she prepared her facade of a happy girl at a happy party. - Your grandma told me you ain’t gotta a partner for tonight. Could’ve told me, I would’ve taken you. 

      - It’s ok, ain’t like I need a man. - she replied, almost angrily although he deserved no anger from her. - What’s the stage for? We’re getting a band tonight?

      - No, the new sheriff candidates announcing themselves tonight. Prepare for the blood bath. 

      - Sounds interesting. - she spoke out, her voice getting mumbled out as the mic’s sound hurt her and everyone else’s ear. The police chief stood there in his best attire, holding a small piece of papers, his fat thumbs hitting the mic to gather everyone’s attention. He already had their attention merely by wearing a cowboy’s hat with a formal suit. 

       - Now folks, we all now how much we gonna miss our good old Sheriff but it’s time to elect a new one. - his southern accent was pronounced, too pronounced, cartoonish even. Y/N remembered laughing as a child when she first heard him speak only to immediately shut up when her grandmother looked her way with a look which left room for no questions. She herself had barely developed an accent, her grandmother still very keen on instilling in her the education she herself had gotten. However, the longer she spent with Lee, the more it would sometimes slip; one or two words, nothing major. - Of course, Leroy is running again.

     - I don’t know why he tries. - Y/N whispered to Billy, concealed laughing smile behind her hand. 

     - You gotta admit it’s a good thing to imagine. Damned Leroy and his prostitutes running the town? We’d be forgotten by God.

     - We’re already forgotten by God. We were banished from the garden of Eden, don’t you remember? - she teased, always enjoying to toy around with the religion Knockemstiff was so hang up on. - We’re probably direct descendants. 

     - You ought to keep that mouth shut if you don’t wanna get in trouble. - he warned yet it went through deaf ears. Y/N liked stirring it, specially when it came to things which were so analytically flawed. 

The regular list of candidates continued to go from officers to common folk who all believed they could make the town better. At least that was all they said they wanted to get some votes but at the end of the day, they just wanted to control the town with an iron fist. Do what they wanted without anyone question it. She couldn’t blame it, humans are hardwired to go crazy for power and let it consume them so she just let it pass. She knew all the candidates, they were always the same. Leroy, Matthew, Edwards ... all the common ones, she even wondered why they kept announcing it. Those three competing for the sheriff position was as certain as the sun coming up each morning. 

      - The last candidate is our cap’tain Bodecker. - her head snapped to the stage as every sound seemed to dim until she was surrounded by pure silence. All she could hear was the buzz from her ears as she watched him climb up the stairs to the stage, shaking the chief’s hands. 

Everything seemed to be stuck in slow motion yet her mind was running faster than a shot bullet. The clapping was slow, everything was silent yet she could see their hands slowly clap and their lips moving in whispers. Her eyes roamed the crowd finding Jane right in front of the stage, looking up at him with adoration at the possible place she could possible hold; the sheriff’s wife. The slow motion ended with a loud crash and suddenly everything seemed just too fast. She ignored Billy’s pleas for her attention and moved straight to the small plastic tables covered in burgundy towels to make it look fancier where all the drinks and food were being held. One of her only friends from high school Mary was the one in charge, happily serving food and drinks to anyone who asked.

     - Hi Y/N. - she always looked like the perfect housewife and that was always what she wanted to be. Beautiful, bountiful blonde hair with a few flowers matching her pink dress. Despite it all, she was always nice to her even with their different life goals. 

     - Hey Mary. How’s Paul? I heard from rumours you two had quite a nice honeymoon. St.Louis, right? 

     - Yes. He booked us a nice honeymoon suite, it had flowers and those heart shaped beds and chocolates. It was real nice, I’m hoping to be pregnant soon. What about you? Your grandmother said you came alone. You could’ve told me, my brother would’ve taken you.

    - That’s alright, Mary. I don’t intend to stay for long ... Uhm, can I have a drink?

    - Of course. Sidecar, as per usual? 

    - I think I’ll just have a double cognac, please. Or maybe some gin ... whatever can make me dizzy the fastest.

    - Everything, okay?

    - Just need to forget some stuff, it’ll be okay. - she forced a smile. At least half that phrase was true. Mary served her up with her best gin and she returned to the dance floor, trying to blend with the rest of the attendees, however her baby blue dress was much too different from anything else in town. 

Y/N thought she’d be best outside where no one could see her and so she left, avoiding Billy who kept asking for her. She leaned against the old wood of the town hall, mascara running down her cheeks, and gin glass on the other one. She looked like the perfect warning tale of why you should not mess her married men. She knew better, she knew so much better but she still did it, like the idiotic little fool she seemed to be. Y/N sighed, the air condensing in the air as she drank from the glass.

     - Pull yourself together, Y/N. - she looked to see side, her grandmother standing outside with the look she used to give her when Y/N embarrassed her as a little girl. - What did you expect?

     - I’m just not having a good day, nana.

     - You’re hanging around with Captain Bodecker that’s what you’re doing.

     - What?

     - Don’t play innocent with me, Y/N. You’re just like your mother and I’ve raised your mother so I’d know. I saw you leave in his car last week. Do you want to defend yourself?

     - Is it even worth it? - she took a sip out of her drink. - What do you want me to say? 

     - I want you to pull yourself together and go inside. You better have this finished off before those elections start. I will not have my granddaughter be a home wrecker.

Y/N ignored it. There was nothing her grandmother could say that hurt more than what she was already feeling. She watched the snow fall from the cover of the banner covering the town hall, cold and icy yet somehow warmer than her. The drink didn’t last forever and although it was much stronger than what she was used to, she didn’t feel the slightest bit dizzy. It was if the universe was punishing her for her choices. She shook her head, leaving the glass onto one of the windows. She’d be better off at home and she’d already made her appearance. If someone asked where she was, she could’ve blamed it on their drunkness. Opening her little clutch, she started fishing for her keys through a sea of change, makeup and receipts. 

    - You better not be thinking of driving after you just drank. - she turned her head to see Lee with his hands on his waist, playfully smiling at her. His smile faded as he noticed the streaks of mascara from her eyes to her jaw. - Did that shithead Billy say something? 

     - No ... Lee, I wanna go home okay. - she sighed. - Can you just pretend you didn’t see me drink?

     - I was hoping we could spend the night together. Rent a hotel room outside town. A real nice place, with a pool and some room service. My treat of course.

     - I ... We can’t, Lee. Your wife is inside as she’s gonna notice you’re not there and you’re not home. 

     - She’s going home early. Jane’s been taking a few sleeping pills. She’s down for the night, won’t even notice. - he took a few steps closer to her, knowing everyone was too drunk to even remember. - I was waiting for you to come greet me, congratulate me. I can’t believe my girl wanted to leave before showing me how pretty she looked. 

     - You didn’t tell me you were running for Sheriff. - he cupped her face, thumb caressing her cheek. - You said it was a silly position.

     - Yeah but ... it’s a Sheriff. I could become Mayor, ya know. The old sheriff thinks I’d be good for it. - he scratched the back of his neck, something he always did whenever he was nervous or was confronted by something he did not expect. Y/N had learned to read him and knew him better than her own favourite books. - C’mon, kid. It’s a night worth celebrating, don’t you think?

     - Don’t call me kid. - she shot her head his way, his word hitting a particular hurt spot which she didn’t realise she had. 

     - Hey, I’m not trying to mock ya. - he rose his hands. - What’s wrong, huh baby? Hm? Tell me sugar, I hate it when you’re upset. Besides, if it was that Billy kid I’ve been wanting to give him a good beating.

    - Don’t call me baby, either. - she sighed, throwing her purse inside the car, before turning to him. - Billy didn’t do anything I’m just ... tired.

    - I’ll drive you home, then.

    - I don’t wanna go home either. - she pushed her hair from her forehead, looking at the ground. The snow engulfed her feet and her shoes, yet it might as well have engulfed her entire being. Lee noticed her lip trembling and how her free hand was trying to stop tears from falling down. He looked behind him, the town hall door shut, before taking his jacket off, draping it over her shoulders, and opening the car door for her. 

 Y/N daren’t look him in the eye, instead sitting in the passenger seat as he pushed the hood of her car up. After all, most people did not enjoy driving in the snow with the hood up. She didn’t know where he was taking her and for all it mattered she didn’t want to know. If he was driving her to her killing location, it sounded much better than having to work out through the bubbling feelings in her tummy. Y/N didn’t even noticed how much she was crying until the tears started streaming so fast they were falling onto the palms of her hands like diamond daggers. She leaned her head against his shoulder, watching the road ahead through the blurry orbs of her own eyes, trying to find some warmth through him. The drive seemed endless and her mind rushed in an even more endless way as she considered all her choices til now. She found it unbearable how not guilty she didn’t feel about it. She could still remember the feeling of the cold water against her body and his lips against hers, being tangled in his bed sheets while he drank a beer, his grunts as he thrusted into her inside his patrol car. She remembered every detail either it being lust or romantic but most importantly she remembered how he looked at her. It was almost as through rose coloured glasses, most of the times agreeing with her pessimist view of the town she was in. Lee looked down on her, watching her perfect hair break through the gelled curls she had set down. He never liked the polished look anyway, he loved to see her walk in her white dresses and freshly washed hair flowing with the wind. This woman sat next to him was gorgeous but he preferred his Y/N, he preferred the woman who would poke fun of casualty and rush into the woods with her nightgown. This woman next to him was pretty yes but she seemed tainted by a sadness he could see yet couldn’t help. He didn’t want his Y/N to be the slightest bit sad. She did not deserve it. She was too pure, too young to be consumed by the loneliness, darkness and sadness that came with being an adult. Yet again, he had to start learning the young woman she was wouldn’t stay young forever. He wanted to know how to help. he wanted to be the man who wakes up next to her on summer mornings and winter evenings but life is not how we plan it out to be.

She watched the snow fall from her window as “You are my sunshine” played on the background from her radio. Looking up to him, his eyes were glued to the road, the sign of leaving Knockemstiff way past them and the hotel on the horizon. She called it the Heartbreak hotel, with its red walls and luxurious nature. A more fancy place for those who wanted to give a better night to their mistresses but that was not why she called it the heartbreak hotel. It was due to the fact she ended up crying every time she or he left. While inside those walls, she could pretend they were Mr. and Mrs. Bodecker, young couple moved out of Knockemstiff on a romantic getaway yet she wasn’t Mrs. Bodecker, Jane was. She had seen who the future sheriff’s wife was and it was not and it would never be her. He stopped the car in the parking lot, looking at her who was lost in thought, leaned against his shoulder.

   - Come on, sugar. What is it? - Lee kissed the top of her head. - The heck happened in that Town Hall?

    - Just being silly, Lee. - she shook her head, faking a smile. - Just don’t like parties one bit.

    - I hate ‘em too, sugar. All show no action. Besides no party is a party without my baby. - he hooked his ring finger under her chin, softly pulling it up. She tried not to look at the moonlight illuminating the silver band around his finger, a symbol he belonged to someone else and she knew it. She had seen the wedding photo on his secretary, a much younger Lee with a much younger Jane with the facade of a happy marriage. Thinking about it always made her sick and ever since seeing that picture she couldn’t bring herself to do so. - Come on, let’s get you a bubble bath, yeah?

She followed him into the hotel almost in a zombie like state until the reception. The talk was a dance she had danced before, it was all the same. Lee would present money in cash so it wouldn’t show up on his credit card statement. He would sign in with a fake address but with his own name and no one would question it. After all, the staff wanted money, they didn’t care if it was an illicit affair or not. To be honest, she didn’t care much anymore.

     - Mrs. Bodecker? Mrs. Bodecker? - the receptionist called out to her but it didn’t even register until she was looking her into the eyes. Mrs. Bodecker, she was definitely not. - Would you like a complementary tea? You look cold.

     - No, it’s okay. - she smiled while Lee grabbed the keys. His hand wrapped itself around hers, leading her over to the elevator.

God, she wanted him. She really did, he thought to himself. It was an unbelievable feeling to have someone who loved him back, someone who always had encouraging words to tell him, someone who would stay after a fight. He thought and imagine what it would’ve been like if she was born earlier, god he would’ve courted her and would’ve married her the second they were out of high school. Sadly, the woman he loved was born 10 years after and he met her when he was married. He led her to the 13th hotel room and closed the door behind them.

     - Things are gonna be different when I’m sheriff. No more sneaking around, no one will dare  say a word. I can move to Brewer Heights, heck, I can buy two houses, one just for you and me.

    - Lee ...

    - Where are your pearls, sugar? You know I love to see you with them, makes you look so pretty.

    - You know I can’t wear them in public, Lee. I am not your ... - she shouldn’t say that, she should not let those words out. - They’re not insured under my name, people would comment about it.

     - You worry too much. - he pushed the fur that covered her arms down, placing a small kiss on her elbow. - My little over-thinker.

     - One of us has too, Captain Bodecker.

     - How about some champagne? - he pointed towards the champagne bottle in the ice bucket by the dresser before walking towards it, raising it so he could inspect the brand. He longed for the finest things in life, no longer wanting to be that middle to low class man he’d been forced to be. Being Sheriff, Mayor someday was going to be really something, it’d be his chance.

    - I’m not 21 yet, Captain.

    - Only a month til you are, kid. - he filled two long crystal flutes, handing it over to them. - By then I should stop calling you kid, huh?

    - You shouldn’t call me kid, now. - she took a sip of the golden liquid, hoping it would take away her jealousy. Lee hummed, leaned over to kiss the crock of her neck, climbing up to her jaw in a move that was sure to leave marks. It was okay for him to leave marks on her, she was unmarried, young but on him? Sometimes she wanted to, sometimes she wanted to mark his pale plump skin as a possession, one that screamed Jane might have the wedding ring but she had the man. Yet, she couldn’t. - You look so handsome tonight.

    - You’re my worse critic. - he smirked, placing his glass on the bedside table before pulling her chin towards him, placing a soft kiss on her plump, painted lips. - God, you can’t even imagine how fucking hard I got when you walked in.

    - Such gentle behaviour. - she teased, fingers lightly tracing the skin of his face. He moaned, leaning in to kiss her again. - I wore it just for you. Blue. I knw you like it.

    - You’re always such a good girl for me. - he started to remove his jacket, pushing on her chest lightly so she laid against the luxurious bed.

The alcohol sure did a better job than her about making her forget what she was doing it. The alcohol and his kiss, his touch on her skin made her forget the clench in her heart when she saw Jane Bodecker clap once they said his name. It made her forget she couldn’t hear perfume around him unless he showered, it made her forget. Both of her moaned through the kiss, seemingly unconcerned with the fact that it was a sin. Maybe that’s why it taste so sweet, the sin, the thrill. None of them cared really and all he wanted to do now was hold her, touch her, look at her.

    - You are so beautiful. - he spoke, more to himself than to her specifically, leaning down on the bed as he spread her legs, taking his place in between them which was so familiar to him. Lee ran his knuckles through the middle of her folds, cold hands making her shiver. - Ev’ry darn day I wake up and I think, I got myself the most beautiful woman in the world.

Her eyes were glued to the ceiling, the white paint of it engulfing her as his hands caressed her thighs. All she could feel were his cold hands massaging the skin of her thighs, spreading them apart and giving him full access to her. His lips attacked her core, always chapped which made her feel so good, it made her know it was him giving her that pleasure. She moaned out loud as he dwelled in like a starved man, her head relaxing against the pillow. There was never any mercy with him, he teased her like he owned her, focusing on her clit while licking her folds. He had her exactly where he wanted her - starving for him.

   - You’re gonna see. - he mumbled out while he relentlessly ate her out. - When I’m sheriff there will be no more hidin’. No one gonna dare say anythin’ about it.

   - Lee, please ... no foreplay. - she whined, begged even as he stopped his motions. His eyes curiously searched for hers, hands pulling his body up as he stood on top of her. - I just want to feel you.

   - Weren’t you feelin’ me, sugar?

   - You know what I mean, Lee. - she wrapped her hands around his neck, head cocked to the side. - I don’t want any foreplay today.

    - Oh sugar ... - he chuckled leaning down to kiss her collarbone. - You’re just a cock slut for me, aren’t ya? Can’t just wait for me to treat ya right ain’t it, baby?

     - Lee, please. - she whined, hands wavering over his police issued chunky belt. Lee smirked, holding her hand before she could do anything. Y/N pouted, head leaning against her shoulder. - C’mon.

   - But baby, you look so pretty when you’re begging. - he returned to kiss her neck, leaving marks which were sure to become hickeys tomorrow but she didn’t care. No one was going to see it. - I was expecting you to come congratulate me in the way you always do, maybe in the back of the town hall. Hoping someone would catch us so they’d see you’re my girl.

    -  Lee ... -  she whined as he kept kissing her neck and collarbones. - Please.

    - Tell me what you want, baby. You know I do everything you want. - he rose from her neck, toothy grin as he leaned down to kiss her plump, pink painted lips. - Tell me you want my big fat cock. I know you do, baby. Tell me how much you need it. 

  - Lee ... please, need you.

  - You have me, baby, tell me what you need. Tell me what you want. - his knuckles ran through the middle of her folds again. - You’re so wet, baby. Just tell me what you want, c’mon

  -  Lee ... please. - she looked at him with those wide eyes that could get someone to commit murder for her, as he pushed down his trousers. - I want you to fuck me with your ... big fat cock, Capitain. 

  - Oh, baby ... - he leaned his forehead against hers as he pushed his cock past her entrance, eyes shut tight  as he tried to keep himself sane at the mere feeling of her walls contracting against him. His lips found hers as he shed himself fully into her. Her hand searched for his, as Lee slowly rolled his hips against hers, basking in the mere high that was being inside of her. - You okay, baby? 

  - Yeah. ... fuck, move. - she whined as he removed himself from her and pushed back in, slowly starting to rock into her as he always did. The little tease. Her hand clenched his as he speed up his thrusts, lips returning to hers in a messy, moaned filled kiss. All she could hear was the sound of skin against skin and interrupted breathing. - Lee, fuck.

  - I know, baby. - he laughed, returning to kiss her the way he liked as her walls started to clench more forcefully against his member, milking him for all he was worth. His free hand grabbed her hip as he further sped up against her, bruising her skin as his breaths got more raggedy. He bite onto her neck as he felt his control over his own orgasm disappear. 

  - Lee, fuck! - she moaned, almost raising off the bed as her own orgasm washed over her. Her head fell against the pillow, sluggish as he continued to thrust into her until ropes and ropes of cum painted her walls. He chuckled mid grunt, holding her against him as he turned around in bed. 

  - You all fucked up, aren’t ya, sugar? - he kissed the top of her head. - You’re gonna see, sugar. Things are gonna be so much better.

  - Right ... - she cuddled against his chest. - Hm ... Lee can you drive me back home early on?

  - Early shift?

  - Yeah.

  - Okay, sugar.

The morning was a harsh breaker of dreamy hazes and just like that she was back to the place where she always was, in her home, surrounded by the scent of the perfume she had bought just for him. She sat on her dress, taking the necklace he had given her from the little mother of pearl seashell shaped box and holding them against her chest. She loved him, she really did. Some people had their downfalls and hers was painted onto her neck and held by her hands. He was her downfall. 

The sun was high up on the snowy midday in Knockemstiff and once again Lee had been resigned to desk duty after the Sheriff not taking it too lightly he decided to run without his permission. Normally he would’ve been upset but he knew, he knew he was close to winning and then he could throw away those stupid hotels and just get her a little house close to him. God, he couldn’t fucking wait.

    - Captain Bodecker, someone here for you. - his secretary knocked on his door. - Mary Gillies, sir. 

    - Mary Gillies? - he knew her to be a friend of Y/N’s, perhaps her only friend other than that punk Billy. - Send her in.

    - Good afternoon, captain. - she said as she walked into his office. - I’m so sorry to be bothering but Y/N ...

    - Is she alright? - he interrupted her.

    - Yes, well ...  - she rummaged through her bag to find a cushioned envelope with his name on it. - She told me to give you this.

   - What is it?

   - I don’t know, captain. I must get going, my husband is waiting for me.

   - Of course. Thank you, Mrs. Gillies.

He waited for the woman to be out of his office and for the door to be shut for him to open the envelope. The minute he opened the envelope, pearls fell into his desk, the same pearls he had given Y/N followed by a small note in the dusty pink stationary that normally laid on her dresser. Turning it around, he saw the words he’d been dreading to read or hear ever since he met her. I’m sorry, Lee. He threw the letter on his desk before getting up from his desk as fast as he could, ignoring the calls from his colleagues as he got into his cruiser. Damned, Brewer Heights, why couldn’t it be closer?

He approached her home fast and closed the door as fastly as he ran up to the door. Her hag of a grandmother was possibly at church and he had learned where they kept the spare key; behind a violet pot. His heart was beating as fast as a deer on a hunt as he climbed up the stairs and found the once filled room was empty, with only a perfume bottle on her empty dresser. He observed the whole room as if he were in a nightmare, sitting on her bed as he clenched the pearls he had given her not so long ago, the smell of daisies in the air as some song played on the still turned on radio.

You never know dear how much I love you. Please don’t take my sunshine away ...

taglist: @lookiamtrying​ 

[impalementation]

spike, angel, buffy & romanticism: part 1

I said a long ways back that I thought the switch from Angel to Spike as Buffy’s primary love interest represented an interesting evolution in the show’s attitude towards—and interrogation of—romanticism, and I finally felt like expanding on what I meant by that. This is very long, very meandering, and not terribly academic or well-edited, but I hope there’s something of interest in it nonetheless. It is about 20,000 words in total, and will discuss, in more or less chronological order, the arc of the show’s attitude towards romanticism as it is embodied in Spike, Angel, Buffy and Buffy’s relationships with both of them. I was going to release it as one long post, but because it’s so long, I figured a series of posts might be more readable. Here’s the first one.

* 

“When you kiss me I want to die”: Angel and the high school seasons

Both Spike and Angel are at once capital-R Romantic figures, and lower-case romantic interests, and in both cases that Romantic/romantic duality is what makes them such effective avatars for ideas around romanticism. In the case of Angel, the show is aware from the beginning that he is very much a Romantic idea of something. In “Welcome to the Hellmouth” Buffy describes him as “dark” and “gorgeous”, evoking the “tall, dark and handsome” cliche. He’s mysterious. He gives her a necklace and his coat, gestures out of high school romance fiction.* In “Out of Mind, Out of Sight” Giles lampshades the romance of him: “A vampire in love with a Slayer. It’s rather poetic, in a maudlin sort of way.” Initially, Angel is basically designed to be a teenage girl fantasy, and it’s no coincidence that his successors like Edward Cullen or Stefan Salvatore conform to similar tropes.

*(Think of how five seasons later, a vampire will give Dawn his letterman jacket in “All the Way”. It’s hard not to read as a deliberate echo of Angel’s gift in season one. Once again, a vampire makes romantic gestures towards a high school version of “Buffy”, and later turns on her. But more on this much later in the series.)

The difference between Angel and those other, more typical Supernatural Romance love interests however, is that the show ultimately attempts to subvert the romance of him. As part of its commentary on Gothic themes, season two makes Angel more Romantic than ever (the Claddagh, the tormented past), and makes the romance between him and Buffy central to the story in a way it wasn’t in season one. And then, of course, the season tears it all apart. The first time we learn what Angel did to Drusilla it’s horrifying, but still somehow abstract. Something that seems more like it’s meant to contribute to Angel’s dangerous, Byronic image. As in, something to make him more Romantic. And then suddenly it becomes real. Suddenly, it’s something that Angel could do to Buffy, or the people Buffy cares about. It turns out that his darkly romantic aura was not just an aura, but genuinely dark all along.

In turn, Angel’s devastating transformation is a metaphor for broader disillusionment about romantic ideas. It’s less to me about a “guy going bad after sex”, and more about what it means and feels like to have the scales fall from one’s eyes in that sort of situation. As Buffy copes with the fallout of Angel’s transformation, and later is forced to kill him, I see it as being about the tragedy of having to see the world in ways that are less simple, easy, or pretty as one gets older. As Buffy and Giles say in “Lie To Me”:

BUFFY: Nothing's ever simple anymore. I'm constantly trying to work it out. Who to love or hate. Who to trust. It's just, like, the more I know, the more confused I get. 

GILES: I believe that's called growing up. 

For more on this, I recommend this livejournal post on “Lie To Me”, which goes into great depth on the way season two frames stories as pretty lies that one needs to look beneath, and how Buffy’s romanticization of Angel symbolizes that.

The whole arc of the season is Buffy’s failure to see the danger presented by Angel. In this opening scene that danger is foreshadowed. More to the point for this essay, Angel goes on to lie to Buffy about having encountered Drusilla. He doesn’t want Buffy to know about the nature of Angelus – which means that his first inclination is to mask the danger he presents to Buffy. This is one episode after Halloween, where Buffy’s romantic fantasies about what Angel wants (a damsel) nearly get her killed. Nor is she completely over those fantasies, as she notes that the mystery woman talking to Angel had a pretty old-fashioned dress. So against the backdrop of Buffy’s fantasies about her dark and mysterious boyfriend we have the truth about what he is, which is quite horrifying.

Season three then takes this to another level, by not just pointing out the darkness of the romance of Angel, but in fact puncturing his romantic image. Instead of emphasizing his dangerousness, as season two did, season three emphasizes his adulthood. It emphasizes the way that Angel is someone Buffy sees in secret, or away from her friends. He’s not integrated with her teenage, high school life, and doesn’t fit with the peppy, high school movie aesthetic that characterizes a lot of season three. By doing this, the writing indicates that at this point in their lives, Buffy and Angel are ultimately incompatible and holding each other back. Regardless of however much they might care for each other, Angel can’t fully appreciate her teenage longings like dances, and college, and having a boyfriend. And Buffy can’t fully appreciate his adult need to find himself on his own terms. By the end of season three, Angel is less of a shadowy, tragic figure, and more just an adult man who needs to finally grow up a bit.

Season three also starts making jokes where the punchline is that Angel isn’t living up to the romantic aesthetic he embodied in seasons one and two. In “Helpless”, for example, he and Buffy have an exchange where he waxes sincerely about wanting to “keep [her heart] safe, to warm it with [his own]” and although Buffy says the sentiment is beautiful, a second later she deadpans: “Or taken literally, incredibly gross.” To which Angel replies, “I was just thinking that, too.” Or in “Graduation Day, Part 1”, Angel trips on a doorway instead of making a silent entrance and Buffy again deadpans: “Stealthy.” Angel’s romance slips at moments when Buffy herself is feeling weak, either because she has lost her Slayer powers, or she’s investigating the scene of her sister Slayer’s crime. Her Romantic Slayer half is betraying her, and her romantic girlish half is feeling insecure. This is echoed by the reminder that Angel is no longer a straightforward fantasy man--or a terrifying, larger-than-life villain--but a guy who is sometimes both verbally and physically inelegant. 

(Notice how one of the few times season two makes similar jokes about Angel it’s in “Lie to Me”, the very same episode that begins to peel off the layers of deceptions and unknowns about him. Angel slumps around Willow’s bedroom and jokes about “honing [his] brooding skills”, he insists that the vampire wannabes know nothing about vampires right before a guy walks by wearing his exact outfit, and Xander runs color commentary, saying “you’re not wrong” after each of Ford’s observations. In “Lie to Me” one of Angel’s hidden faces is his dangerousness, yes. But another hidden face is simply his human awkwardness.)

There’s an interesting Slayage piece by Elizabeth Gilliland that discusses the idea of Angel as a Gothic double for Buffy, specifically connecting him to the story of Jekyll and Hyde. It argues that Angel’s split identities represent Buffy’s fears that her human and Slayer halves are irreconcilable, and she cannot fully control either half. In season three, the fact that Buffy and Angel must continuously resist a loss of control with each other, and are treated as romantically incompatible, reflects this fear. 

In Season Three, replete with various factors in Buffy’s life that threaten to put her role as Slayer and girl into imbalance once more [...] Angel once again returns [...]. The season culminates in an attempted attack on Buffy’s classmates during graduation, which essentially forces her to “out” herself to her community and combine her roles as Slayer and daughter, classmate, and friend for the first time publicly (“Graduation Day: Part 2” 3.22). The worst has happened: her secret has been revealed, the entire school knows about both of her personas, and she has not only survived, but emerged with a stronger sense of self [...] Buffy has conquered her first Gothic fear, and proven to herself that she can not only exercise control over both dualities of her persona, but allow them to peacefully co-exist. Thus, Angel’s continuing struggle with Angelus can no longer act as her shadow, and he literally and metaphorically leaves her to continue the rest of her journey.

It’s an interpretation I mostly agree with, and see a lot of evidence for. But in keeping with the focus of this series, I think you could also read Angel as embodying a duality between the romantic and the unromantic. In this view, Buffy’s struggle between her human and her Slayer halves is not just a struggle between personas, but a struggle to see the world correctly. In season one, it’s not Angel that revives Buffy in “Prophecy Girl”, because Angel is a vampire trope just like the Master. He cannot help her, because he is exactly the kind of traditional romantic concept--like a candle-lit cavern, an ancient Nosferatu-looking vampire, or a Chosen Hero duty--that Buffy is trying to escape. In season two, loss of control is specifically associated with passion, romance, and romanticism. Buffy’s human half longs for the romantic, but her Slayer half, and Angel’s vampire half, prove that sometimes the romantic is something dangerous and violent. The fact that Buffy’s Slayer identity and Angel’s Angelus identity both end up being outed by the end of the season (especially to Joyce, a figure of Buffy’s human home life), echoes Buffy’s loss of innocence. Season three then continues this suspicion of passion. Buffy fears that like Faith, enjoying the violence and power and desire of being a Slayer, means that she will go down a dark path. She also fears that indulging in her sexual and romantic desire for Angel will unleash Angelus. To some extent, these fears are even borne out, given that her love for Angel results in her attempted murder of Faith, and near death at Angel’s hands. But to some extent they also aren’t, given that she, Faith and Angel all live. 

To me, what really gets resolved at the end of season three is not quite the issue of Buffy’s human and Slayer halves, given that Buffy will continue to struggle with that duality until the end of the show. Rather, what gets resolved is the need for binaries. Binaries are romantic things. When Giles gives his speech to Buffy at the end of “Lie To Me”, it is the language of binaries that he uses:

GILES: Yes, it's terribly simple. The good guys are always stalwart and true, the bad guys are easily distinguished by their pointy horns or black hats, and, uh, we always defeat them and save the day. No one ever dies, and everybody lives happily ever after. 

BUFFY: Liar.

In season three, Buffy thinks she must resist both Faith and Angel. She thinks she can only be either a human girl or a Slayer leader. Many plots in season three have to do with the danger of binaries, whether that’s the witch-hunting parents in “Gingerbread”, Willow dealing with her vampire self in “Doppelgangland”, the various alter-egos in “Beauty and the Beasts”, or Cordy choosing a Buffy-less world in “The Wish”. And no character in the Buffyverse embodies the concept of binaries so starkly as Angel does. Thus by the end of season three, Buffy collapses the binaries within herself by merging the human and Slayer parts of her life, as Gilliland observes, and taking on Faith’s traits. She acknowledges her shadow by kissing her tenderly on the forehead, and bids farewell to the illusions and binaries that Angel embodies. Buffy is leaving that part of her life behind, and starting a new chapter where she can no longer split either the world, or herself, into any one thing or another.

part 2: “Love isn’t brains, children”: Enter Spike as the id

[tatestripedsweater]

Salvation

Plot: Once people start questioning Carlisle’s age, worry floods him that he might never tell you how he truly feels about you.

Requested by Anon: Carlisle finds the female reader, who's a fellow Doctor and he has had a crush on (assuming Esme doesn't exist), her bitten or bleeding to death and turning her?

Pairing: Carlisle Cullen x Fem!Reader (But can be read as GN as I didn’t use she/her pronouns)

Key: Italics = Flashbacks

Warnings: Blood, Death, Mentions of Anxiety

Wordcount: 2.2K

A/N: Sorry it has taken so long to get a full piece of work out but hopefully this was worth the wait! The ending is cheesy so I do apologise in advance, but I’m tempted to do a part 2.. maybe??

Carlisle often liked to go for walks in the moonlight, the dead of night helped him when he needed to think. When he needed to be on his own.

He had thought that himself and the others had a good few years left in Fork’s before people questioned his age, Alice had suggested saying that he had good genes, Emmett opted for saying he had plastic surgery. Neither would be a good enough excuse.

Even though Carlisle tried to think of what to say when people questioned him, his mind only went to one thing. You. The sweet doctor who always seemed to look up to him, you saw Carlisle as a mentor as he had been doing this longer than you. Not that he was going to say how long.

The moment Carlisle met you on your first day he couldn’t help but be infatuated with you, it was obvious you were a kind soul otherwise you wouldn’t be in the profession you’re in.

“You must be __ right? I’m Dr Cullen, but you can call me Carlisle or whatever you’re comfortable with.” Looking over at the man with a smile, you couldn’t help but realise the receptionist was right about there being ‘eye candy’ here. Carlisle was an attractive man, but you had to stay professional since he was your colleague. Nothing more, even though you were already having thoughts about him.

“Lovely to meet you Carlisle.” The two of you shook hands and you couldn’t help but notice how cold his skin was. Deciding against asking if he was okay, you followed him since Carlisle was the one that had been chosen to show you the ropes.

“I’m sure you’ll fit in around here quickly, it isn’t a big hospital so it’s not easy to get lost.” The smile that he gave you made your cheeks go hot, hoping he didn’t notice you only gave him a warm smile in return before speaking. Carlisle noticed.

“How long have you worked here then?” You often get told off for your curious nature, having had your mother tell you not to ask too many questions and only speak when spoken too. So you often avoided asking too many questions. But much to your surprise, Carlisle didn’t mind.

“A few years.” He answered as the two of you walked beside one another, Carlisle was right about the hospital not being that big. With the town not having many people reside within it, there wasn’t much need for one of those big-city hospitals you often saw on television.

Before you could even answer, Carlisle had started to explain and show the schedule for today. He was passionate about his work, the way his eyes lit up as he spoke made butterflies form in your stomach.

This man was surely going to be the death of you.

Carlisle couldn’t help but smile to himself as he thought back to meeting you for the first time, but the happiness of being around you wouldn’t last long the more people questioned him. Carlisle and his family needed to leave Forks.

He didn’t want to go, in fact he wished they still had a good few years here. But Carlisle knew all too well that when people started questioning them, it was time. No matter how bad they wanted to stay, they couldn’t never stay in one place for too long.

_

The family meeting with his adopted children didn’t go down well, of course, they had moved around a lot. But they didn’t expect it to happen so soon, they lasted around ten years in Alaska before the questions rolled in, Carlisle knew they would be anything but happy.

“I can’t see why you just don’t use the plastic surgery route.” Sure enough, Emmett grinned as Rosalie took his idea into account, it wasn’t often many people did anyway. “You have the money, people would believe it Carlisle.”

“When did you all suddenly get attached to this town?” The silence filled the room like loud music, getting attached to a place didn’t happen to any of them often. But Fork’s was rather relaxing, not to mention the scenery was beautiful.

“I don’t see why you’re wanting to leave so suddenly, especially after your infatuation with that doctor.” Carlisle should’ve known that Edward would know and make a comment soon enough, the boy could read everyone’s thoughts so privacy wasn’t an option in this household.

“What doctor?” Jasper asked as all but Alice looked over, it being clear to everyone that she knew as well. After all, Alice and Edward seemed to be the closest with one another so they told each other everything.

Carlisle gave Edward and Alice a stern look, it’s not that he didn’t want the others to know about his love for you. He just didn’t want to keep talking about you as it was making his heart ache, just knowing that he wouldn’t ever be able to be with you now was something that upset him greatly. Thinking about it only made it worse.

Deciding to leave the house to be on his own, the thoughts started to roll in as Carlisle realised he would never feel the weight of you curled up to him. Never see how wonderful you look in the morning, even with bed-head he was sure you looked like an angel.

Waiting until he was in his car, the tears started to roll down his cheeks as Carlisle thought back to you. He often didn’t let people see him cry, it wasn’t that he was ashamed he just didn’t want to bring attention to himself.

Even when he lost a patient he rarely cried, even then he managed to keep it in until he was alone.

“Are you alright?” You knew it was a stupid question the moment it left your mouth, any doctor that lost a patient always felt the grief overtake their body. Spending so much time with the patient to get them healthy, only for them to die was hard. You were yet to experience such a thing.

The patient in question, Mrs Elizabeth Wilson, was an elderly lady who had come into the hospital after she had fallen ill from an infection. She was already in the hospital when you started working there, she had been Carlisle’s patient for a few days. Not long but enough to form trust with one another.

“Sorry.. that was a stupid question.” Carlisle noticed something about you within the days of you working here, you often apologize for things that weren’t even your fault. If someone spilt their coffee over you or even bumped into you, you’d be the one to apologise for supposedly getting in the way.

Carlisle knew it was anxiety without even asking, not that he would anyway. That was private and none of his business.

“No, it isn’t.” Shaking his head, Carlisle motioned for you to sit down with him. The two of you both in the staff room on your breaks, even though he rarely went on a break throughout the day. It wasn’t like he needed to.

Moving to sit down across from him, you couldn’t help but marvel at his features. Even grief-stricken, Carlisle was beautiful.

“I’ll be fine, losing a patient never does get easier though,” Carlisle admitted with a heavy sigh, he remembers every patient he’s lost in all his years of living. “But you just tend to deal with it better.”

“I’m here if you want to talk.. or drink. I’m told I make a good martini.” Smiling when you heard him laugh, as cheesy as it sounded, Carlisle’s laugh was like music to your ears.

He was truly something special.

As Carlisle drove, the rain hit the car, the windshield wipers moving it from his sight each second the rain hit the glass. He had driven in a circle across town twice, contemplating visiting you to say goodbye. Even if it seemed strange to turn up at your doorstep, Carlisle couldn’t not see you one last time.

Sitting in his car once he got to the front of your house, part of him wanted to leave to save himself from seeing you upset. The thought alone made Carlisle hurt, but he knew that he needed some closure on how you felt about him. It sounded selfish, very unlike himself, but Carlisle needed to know if you harboured the same feelings for him as he had for you. Even if the answer would cause him pain.

If his body could do such a thing, Carlisle knew that goosebumps would be running all over his body the moment he smelled the blood coming from inside your home. Even if it was a small cut from you cooking or a scrape from a fall, he had to make sure you weren’t in any immediate danger.

The Volturi had their ways of trying to get him to join them once again, threatening the people he loved was the number one thing on their list. So that’s the first thing that ran through his mind, that they had gotten to you.

“___!” Carlisle waited for an answer, he didn’t want to break a window to get in unless it was absolutely necessary. But it seemed that someone had already done that job for him, walking to the side of your house he noticed the shattered glass first before the scent of your blood getting strong from the broken window. The crimson substance being stained on the glass as well caught his eye.

Without a second thought, Carlisle climbed inside. Following the trail of blood on the floor, his heart sank and fear soon started to set in as he didn’t want to know what was at the end of the trail. But if it meant seeing you half dead and saving your life, it was a risk he was willing to take. Carlisle just hoped he didn’t have to change you, he would if he had to but only if you were so close to death that there was no way you’d make it out alive.

Even though Rosalie never said it to his face, part of her disliked Carlisle for changing her. He didn’t want you to feel the same way towards him, to detest Carlisle for all of eternity as he wasn’t sure how he would take it.

But there you were, lying on your back on the kitchen floor surrounded in your own blood. You looked close to death and sure enough, Carlisle knew what he had to do to save your life.

Carlisle’s clothes and hands were soon soaked in blood once he ran and knelt down to your side, there were bite marks over your arms, he didn’t even need to ask who by to know they had come for you.

They had taken so much blood from your system that he could hear your heart start to fade from existence, you were still conscious but barely able to know your surroundings or that he was even here by your side. Confused and dazed.

“__…?” All Carlisle got out of you was the flutter of your eyelids starting to close, no response at all to him saying your name. The fear of losing you overtook the fear of you hating him for all of eternity, Carlisle couldn’t leave you here to die. He wasn’t going to let that happen.

“I’m so sorry __..”

Within that moment you felt like your body was on fire, you had no idea what was happening but all you could feel was a burning type sensation on your skin and Carlisle’s teeth inside your neck.

He was like the others that had attacked you.

You tried so bad not to focus on the pain, so desperately trying to push Carlisle from you but your arms didn’t want to move. It was like you were paralysed, not able to speak or move but to just let yourself be drained even more.

What you didn’t know was that Carlisle wasn’t feeding off of you, in all of his years of being a vampire he was happy he had never had the urge to hurt another human being. Most didn’t have the restraint to do so.

As soon as Carlisle pulled away once he was sure the venom was running through your system, guilt started to set into his body once he noticed the look you were giving him.

You weren’t even sure what was going on, a dazed and confused expression lay on your face as you didn’t know what had been done to you. All you knew that you were in pain, but the process of change was going to be even worse. Carlisle knew that much.

Everyone’s reaction to being turned was different, some were more sensitive than others, and in this case your body seemed to not agree with the venom within your body.

You weren’t going to die from this, but the process of turning from human to vampire was going to be much more painful.

Carlisle picked you up into his arms gently as your body trembled and started to walk into the woods near your home, going to his car would cause suspicion if anyone saw the blood. It was going to be a long time until you would forgive him. He wasn’t even sure if you would at this point.

But he promised himself that no matter the outcome, he would cherish and look after you, keep you out of harms way.

Forever.

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