#eddie is terrified of her

[livwritesstuff]

inspired by a nate bargatze sketch

Eddie’s least favorite thing people say when they find out he’s gay and married to a man is when they ask who the “man” of their house is, because…it’s fucking stupid and wouldn’t be funny even if it didn’t rely on patriarchal bullshit that Eddie didn’t buy into even before he and Steve had three daughters.

The thing is though…there definitely is a man of their house, and it’s Steve.

And if Steve isn’t home, it’s their oldest daughter, Moe.

Eddie knows this is true because there’s someone coming to their house to work on…something. All Eddie caught when Steve brought it up was, “We’ve been in this house for almost twenty years. I’d rather deal with it now than wait until it’s causing problems.”

So it’s either the roof, the water heater, or the furnace.

(He thinks).

Every once in a while Eddie gets frustrated enough about this to want to get more involved – he helped Wayne out with this shit all the time when he was a teenager, and he worked as a mechanic well into his twenties (up until he got his first book deal and was able to quit and write full-time). It’s not that Eddie can’t understand all that stuff – no, it’s Steve insisting that he take on all that kind of stuff in their life together so that Eddie didn’t have to that did it, and now it’s been so long since he exercised that part of his brain that it’s basically gone dormant.

The nail in the coffin is when Steve says, “If he shows up before I get back – do not engage. Get Moe. She knows what this is all about.”

She totally does, is the thing, so Eddie just replies, “Got it,” and prays that Steve gets home from the hardware store before the contractor arrives (is he a contractor? Eddie doesn’t think he even knows what a contractor is).

Naturally, not even five minutes after Steve pulls out of the driveway, a dark blue van pulls in.

“Ah, shit,” Eddie mumbles, and then he calls upstairs, “Moe. The guy Pop was talking about is here.”

Moe calls something incomprehensible back (hopefully it’s I’ll be down in a second) because by the looks of it this guy is already halfway to the front door.

Unfortunately for Eddie, Moe is not down in a second and he ends up in a conversation about water heaters with…not a contractor, he’s pretty sure. A plumber, maybe? Doesn’t matter – just a guy who’s gonna fix – or maybe it’s replace? – their water heater…for some reason.

“So where’s the heater?” the not-contractor-maybe-plumber asks.

“Uhh…” Eddie hesitates, and thank Christ, Moe appears at the top of the stairs.

“Basement,” she says, “Anode rod was replaced three years ago but the rest of it’s been there since we moved here in ‘04.”

The guy launches into a whole water heater spiel, and Eddie realizes halfway through he’s not trying to engage with Moe at all. He’s directing it all at Eddie as if Eddie is hearing anything more than Charlie Brown-esque phone call mumbling. He concludes with a question about…something related to tanks maybe? Or maybe it was tankless. Eddie has no idea. Moe answers it because she knows what the hell this guy is talking about, but still this asshole is looking at Eddie for confirmation.

“Dude, I dunno why you're looking at me,” Eddie tells him, and then he points at Moe, “My daughter works on airplanes. I write books. I'm telling you – you're better off listening to her.”

[carnivalcarriondiscarded]

Lights out! Poppy: Ahh I had such a refreshing na- Why is Sally glowing?

LMFAO YEAH. pretty much how it goes...

[albino-parakeet]

"Why does my boss wear the tightest turtlenecks possible?"

Sorry not sorry lol.

[sp0o0kylights]

One of my coworkers is insisting you can play D&D for money, and I'm low-key convinced she found some kind of like, home brewed gladiator D&D ring, bc while I do not play it myself I grew up with/ still know many many people who did and absolutely people who would have done it for money, and this is an extremely long sentence to say;

Wouldn't it be absolutely hilarious if Steve thought Eddie had picked up drug dealing again well after Vecna, only to find out his dramatic ass, wet racoon boyfriend has started/is hosting an underground D&D gambling ring instead?

[selkiemaidenfae]

i’m a bit too hungover to fully articulate this the way i want to but

there’s something about camila dragging billy to that party where he’s immediately offered alcohol because she’s never truly seen his addiction for what it is vs daisy staying in his tour bus with him because she understands that they’re fighting the same struggle

there’s something about camila not really having any clue why billy needs daisy so much to the point where she has to ask if daisy’s a better lover than her vs daisy inherently understanding why billy had to choose his family despite never having a family of her own

there’s something about camila never intervening in the billy/eddie conflict in all those years vs daisy showing up and immediately telling billy that aurora needed to be eddie’s project too

there’s something about billy writing the same songs over and over with camila vs daisy forcing him out of his songwriting comfort zone leading to him writing the most personal and beautiful songs of his career

something something daisy allowed him to be the truest version of himself while camila let him hide behind the idealized version something something billy ultimately chose camila because he wanted to be the man that she saw instead of the complicated mess that daisy understood him to be

[cartcop]

actually tho I think there's something really gorgeous about the possibility that Eddie could pursue someone of his own volition, realize it's not what he wants, and fucking. walk away. not cling out of a sense of responsibility or obligation or idea that he's broken for not wanting it. just. realize that while he does want a partner, this one isn't it, and be okay with choosing that for himself

[transrightsjimin]

i just read venom: the madness and it's pretty intruiging but im not ok w how venom acting murderous/rapey to his gf beck when eddie was infected by a cancer/invaded by moresymbiotes/going insane, was kinda glossed over and forgotten about except for beck breaking up w him for her safety. like sorry but after smth so awful i would like him to face more consequences than that. and it being lumped in together with him while delusional killing a cleaning lady who he thought was a CEO to protect innocents doesnt work bc when he was about to assault (right after it was framed as if he solely wanted to kill her?) beck he said when women say no they mean yes and gross shit like that. not at all the same

[milf-harrington]

really short and silly munson family piece, inspired by something that happened to me literally an hour ago

cw: spiders

---

Eddie reared back with a yelp of alarm. "Oh my god- nope. Wayne!"

Abandoning the washing basket, and whatever organs had just fallen out of his ass, Eddie stomped around the side of the trailer, checking fruitlessly over his shoulder like he was being followed.

The porch lights were warm, orange and familiar, and they helped him to breathe easier now that he wasn't alone in the dark, face to face with a demon.

"What're you shriekin' about?" Wayne was settled on the front steps, smoke curling from a lit cigarette.

"There is a big fucking spider and I almost walked directly- ah!" Eddie flinched when something brushed his jaw, slapping aggressively at his neck and face until he realised it was just his hair. He sighed, relieved. "I almost walked right into it."

Wayne eyed him, exhaling smoke through his nose before nodding towards the corner Eddie had just come from. "You need me to kill it?"

He opened his mouth, prepared with an emphatic yes please, but paused. It's not like it had gone out of it's way to attack him, Eddie had just had the misfortune of almost walking directly through it - would have if he hadn't turned the torch on when he had.

"Well, it's kind of just minding it's own business."

"So I don't need t'kill it?"

Eddie glanced over his shoulder, wrinkling his nose at the inky shadows. His skin was still crawling, every unexpected brush belonging to a phantom arachnid. But a quiet sort of guilt pooled in the back of his throat, bittersweet and cold, at the idea of killing it just because he was scared. He shook his head, scratching his arm. "No."

He shuffled on the spot, hoping if he looked pathetic enough his uncle would take pity on him.

"Weren't you doing something?"

"Can't you finish hanging it out? I'm still recovering from seeing my life flash before my eyes."

"They're your sheets, Ed. I just washed 'em."

"But Wayne." He whined, entirely unrepentant about the childish nature of his behavior.

Wayne Munson remained unmoved, however, and Eddie was forced to brave the washing line all over again. God, he missed the time of about 10 minutes ago when he hadn't been aware of the hell spawn watching him mutter about pegs.

[princessamericachavez]

Eddie dating Marisol and Buck dating Marisol's brother 👀

listen i live for the shenanigans and this idea came to me last night as a "fix-it" and I cannot begin to tell you how hilarious it is in my head, the amount of dumb-fuckery going on would be through the roof

[hoperays-song]

Eddie Meeting Ash

Buster: There she is, my precious daughter. 

Ash: *covered in blood and holding a guitar like a weapon* 

Eddie, scared: Is... is she part of the package? 

Buster, smiling: Don't accept my daughter and I'll divorce you right now.

Eddie: 

Eddie, nervously: Hey! Wanna go, uh, steal something? 

Ash: 

Ash, grinning: Finally, you brought a man of culture back home.

[mkorpse13]

I had decided for some reason it would be a great idea to sit down and watch the Rob Zombie Halloween remake with my family for a family movie night, I feel like that’s such a Ed thing to do lol.

[carbonateddelusion]

another thing Edith would definitely struggle with, on the topic of passing in general, would be her age

she thinks she's "too old" to look all pretty and youthful like the girls on TV and the young women in the magazines. she has wrinkles, hair where there wasn't before, her skin is saggy, and her Adam's apple bobs and juts out every time she opens her mouth. her hair and stubble are graying, she has frown lines, her chest will never not be flat, she sounds too much like a man. her hips are narrow, and narrower so are her lips. there's no way. there's no way she'll be anything other than a man. she's lived 40-some years as a man, even if it was a very poor attempt at being a man in her mind, and she doesn't even feel HUMAN, let alone pretty enough to be a... woman.

but every time she cries, Isaac kisses away her tears, and he paints her nails, and he brushes her hair, and he talks about how she looks like she belongs on a runway with all the other models, and...

it's really hard to stay sad for a long time around them, okay?

[carnivalcarriondiscarded]

now...there are 2 ways Barnaby can react to his missing arm option 1: "WHERE [no no word] IS MY ARM??!!"

or option 2: "oh...erm...my arm's missing...ain't that....something..."

secret third option, actually!

"huh... guess i'm all right now"

[ethanhuntfemmefatale]

vincent the kid....

[shushmal]

Let it be known that Steve has zero problem with Eddie. Like, negative problems. So little problem that it kinda turns itself inside out and becomes a DIFFERENT problem. But, not like, a problem problem. Just a teeny tiny little maybe issue. Maybe. Whatever.

Anyways, Eddie's a hugger.

And, like Steve said, it's not a problem. Except that it kind of is.

"Oh, dude," Robin had said when he'd told her as much, and stared at him with this incredibly pained look in her eyes. "You have so many issues." And after that, he gets daily a Robin hug.

Which is great. But doesn't solve his not-problem with Eddie hugs.

Well, in a way, it does. Regular Robin hugs means that Steve isn't freezing up and freaking out when he gets an Eddie hug. Steve's really glad for that, because he'd been terrified that he was going to make Eddie think that Steve hated the Eddie hugs.

Which would be awful, because Steve kinda sorta maybe absolutely would-die-for the Eddie hugs. Steve loves the Eddie hugs, okay? Eddie should be hugging Steve all the time, actually.

He does, too. It's kind of awesome. Steve waives a late fee? Eddie's clamoring over the counter to hug him. Steve picks up the nerds from their nerd jail game? Eddie's half way through his window, hugging Steve's head. Steve brought pizza to movie night? Eddie gets his arms around Steve's waist and sighs happily into Steve's neck. It's pretty great.

It's the best thing ever.

And Steve knows logically that he's not special. Eddie's usually draped over someone for extended periods of time until he get's swatted off. He hugs everyone. Steve's not special. He does have to tell himself that a lot.

"Oh, dingus," Robin had sighed when he'd told her as much. Her look this time was a lot less pained and more exasperated. "So many issues." And he was rewarded with two Robin hugs that day.

Anyways, Steve has to remind himself all the time that he's not special. So it comes as a little tiny sorta maybe surprise when Eddie one night wraps Steve in his arms, sighing all happy and contented like he usually does, and says, "You're my favorite, Harrington. You give the best hugs."

And then he presses a kiss to Steve's cheek.

And a lot of things go through Steve's head in that moment. He doesn't have a clue what any of it is, but it all scrolls by like the Star Wars intro on too much sugar and too hard to read. Still, he arrives at the correct conclusion anyways.

"Oh," Steve says, before Eddie's lips have really left his cheek. "I'm in love with you."

Eddie reels back, his hands still on Steve's shoulders, big brown eyes now bigger than ever. Steve watches as his face goes pink, and pinker, and then bright red.

"Huh?!" It's a really ugly sound that Eddie makes, and Steve bites his lip to keep from laughing. It's cute.

"Yeah," Steve says. "I'm in love with you."

"... What?!"

[harmonybarmy]

hyperfixating on the exorcist now I fear