#ed that to some people apparently it means like.. more of a sad emotional thing? Or when I talk about being nostalgic they say 'me too' and

[icewindandboringhorror]

There's always a slight yearning in the back of my mind wishing I had been born in the right place, time, family situation, income level, etc. to have just lived in one single house for my entire life. Imagine being born in a place that still suits you, even through all of your personal evolutions and etc. The idea of deep familiarity with an area because you've lived and explored it for 40+ years, being encased in a web of memories and connections. Being able to clean out your old childhood bedroom and find personal artifacts, to dig in the yard and remember. I know those lives can still be plenty imperfect, but there's just something so seemingly solid and stable and Grounding about it that I sometimes wish I could have.. (At least from my outside perspective as someone who's moved around a bit geographically and even within the same area, never lives in the same house/ apartment /etc. for more than a few years usually.) Like... having a place that is printed upon, fully your own, rather than chronically a visitor, every thought of a space always tempered with the notion that one day soon you'll have to pack it all up again, etc. There's something peaceful about the permanence.

[hymenpolice]

i forever get 2nd hand embarrassment for my fellow adults who say shit like "oh kids y'all should go outside and play with other kids instead of being online! looking at inappropriate stuff online as a teen messed me up so baad!" like... way to be patronising and also that sounds like a you problem, full offense. well, probably partially "adults in your life" problem for not teaching you to manage your media consumption to your maturity level but ultimately a you problem.

i mean i am concerned for the kids as well specifically bc apparently adults are leaving them high key to their own devices online because "the kids know about the internets better than we adults do now, loool" but growing up around social media really doesn't prime you to know healthy boundaries online etc. but being whiny and patronising isnt gonna help ffs.

(i'm also concerned in the sense that it kinda seems like kids are trying to be so much more mature at a younger age now, and it's kinda sad. but to be honest those of us who got to be kids well into their teens might have been outliers on a global scale and on the wider time scale of humanity. the lucky ones.)

one thing that does rly get on my nerves abt the kids tho is them not keeping to themselves about consuming content not aimed at them. i for sure read 17+ fanfic at age 13 but did i feel the need to tell the author this? NO! If i read smth not meant for me and it confused me, that was my own problem. i didn't go around making myself the online adults' problem... nor did i shove myself into 18+ spaces. but kids nowadays sure do. as if it's the whole internet's job to be their parents instead of just their actual parents' job. adults online by default haven't consented to parenting other people's kids. and if you can't manage your consumption of stuff to your own maturity level, you should ask your actual parents for help. maybe ask them to install some apps that limit what kinda stuff you can look at, if you can't trust your own judgement.

although tbh that isn't really just a kids issue. i know that a lot of people can't manage their consumption of content online to match their own ability to cope, even as adults. some even seek things out on purpose, either as a method of emotional self-harm, or for the addictive feeling of justified outrage. or both. maybe they should ask their parents to monitor their internet usage, too............

(on the other hand, there's a lot to say about 'is this for my comfort, or yours?' a lot of stuff adults want to protect kids from is more for the adults' comfort. protecting kids from gayness. transness. cussing?? how babies are made? the correct words for genitals? some giants of intellect are going around calling genitals "front-butt"…........ i was in a way lucky that i grew up in a family that bred animals, so even tho i didnt get basic sex ed until whenever they give it at school, i had an idea of how babies were made because of how they were made with dogs and horses. the most traumatic single thing from my childhood was my hyperreligious grandma freaking out about me going to sauna with my dad at 12, saying i was too old to do so, which in turn freaked out me. idk all i'm saying is. the odds are that it's the excessive "protecting" from everything, and the adults freaking out about you being exposed to stuff, that has hurt you. it probably isn't that you read some explicit gay fanfic at age 13 that fucked you up. or your same-age cousins lending you porn comics in your early teens. or your cousin showing you 2 girls 1 cup a couple of years later. my gma freaking out about the bathing was infinitely more traumatic.)

(this is obviously not about actual traumatic stuff like someone experiencing csa. this is about of your own volition looking at stuff not geared for your age group.)

[nobodyfamousposts]

Chaton Noir: Akuma-ed

He knew he wouldn’t win for ever.

But he thought that “ever” was still far away!

“No, Chaton, you can’t come with me and that’s final.”

She was being very stubborn today. More than usual.

And no amount of pleading was making a difference. Though he was trying very hard. Nothing was working!

Although…

He slowly looked up at her, eyes wide and pitiful. Almost teary. The look that always made her give in and take him along each time before when he couldn't get her to any other way.

Except for this time.

“I mean it, Chaton." She insisted as she got her bag together. "The class is taking a trip and I can’t risk something happening or you getting lost.”

Even his ultimate weapon failed him!

He pouted up at her.

She sighed sadly and picked him up.

“I’m sorry,” she murmured, holding him close. “But it’s important that you stay here and be good, okay?”

He nestled close to her, happy for the contact but sad and still a little mad because she was leaving.

But he wanted to be good for her, so he nodded. He wouldn’t like it, but he would do it.

“I’ll be back before you know it. And if you’re good, I’ll bring some cookies for you.”

He brightened at that. He did like cookies!

…but he didn’t want her to go.

“It’s okay, Chaton. It will only be for a few hours.” She assured him, setting him down. “I’ll be leaving my computer on the Ladyblog so you’ll know if anything happens.” She paused and turned to the TV, turning it on as well. “And you can watch cartoons while I’m gone so you won’t be bored.”

He looked to the Teevee as bright and colorful people appeared.

Marinette frowned down at him as he still seemed despondent. She didn’t want him to be upset, but it would be too noticeable for her to carry her big bag on this trip to bring Chaton along. And she couldn’t risk Chloe finding him. Or worse, Lila. And while she would have preferred to take him to Master Fu’s, the timing just didn’t work out and Fu had something else he needed to do today and couldn’t look after Chaton.

But while young, Chaton was smart. And he could be mischievous, but he would at least stay in the room and not be too rowdy.

Still…

“I just need you to keep an eye out and protect my room while I’m gone, okay? Make sure nobody tries to sneak in or take anything.” She instructed.

He nodded resolutely, assuring her that she could count on him!

She smiled and patted him on the head.

“Thank you, Chaton. Be good, okay?”

He nodded again. Of course! Because he was a good boy!

But that suddenly became a lot harder when she went down the floor door and out of sight, and he realized just how empty the room was now that she and the Pink Thing were gone.

Quickly, he climbed up to the window and peeked to the outside, watching as his Creator left. He put one hand on the glass, feeling sad.

He didn’t like being alone…

_________________

“Ah, a child feeling alone and worried for his mother! Perfect prey for my akuma!”

In his lair, Hawk Moth sensed the wellspring of emotions. It would be perfect to take advantage of and create a new enemy to defeat Ladybug and Chat Noir!

“Go forth, my akuma! And evilize him!”

_________________

The sounds of the Teevee helped lessen the silence, but it didn’t change the aloneness. He wanted her back. How much longer would she be gone?

He looked to the clock and saw that the 800 had changed to 834. He didn’t know much about time, but he knew that it was the 8 that had to change to a 3 before she would be back.

That would be forever!

Anything could happen to her while she’s gone! What if she got hurt? What if she got lost? What if something happened and she didn’t come back?

But he wouldn’t cry!

He wouldn’t!

…but he missed her…..

A flapping of wings caught his attention and he looked up to see a bug.

What was it called? A “Butter Fly”?

How did it get in here?

_________________

Hawk Moth grinned sinisterly as he sensed his butterfly had reached the target.

“Good! Get closer, my akuma! And then, nothing shall—”

OMN!

Suddenly, all connection to the akuma was cut off.

Hawk Moth started in surprise.

“What?”

He reached out, but all his straining did little more than to make him appear constipated to anyone whom happened to be present.

Try as he might, he could no longer sense anything!

No emotion.

No akumatization.

Nothing.

It was as if his akuma had just vanished!

What just happened?

What the hell was that?

What happened to his akuma?

_________________

Bleck!

Chaton licked his fist to try to get the icky out.

It didn’t taste like butter at all!

It lied!

The butter was a lie!

It should be called a “Butter Lie!” Not a fly!

He felt a fluttering from his tummy.

Looking down, he poked at his tummy where the Lie was. It was being rowdy. And tickling his inside. He didn’t think he liked it much. But what else was he supposed to do with it?

At least he wasn’t alone now!

Maybe it would watch the Teevee with him?

_________________

“I’m back!” Marinette called as she opened the trap door and came back into her room.

The room still seemed to be in order. Nothing was broken. The TV was on.

And there was Chaton sitting on his little cushion and distractedly kicking his feet while he watched the TV. At least until he realized Marinette was there and he perked up. Within seconds, he was hopping off the cushion to stand in front of her, bouncing happily.

She smiled, kneeling down to pat him. “Hey there. Did you have fun?”

He tilted his head but nodded, giving the clear indication that it was, but not as much as when he was with her.

She smiled gently and handed him the cookie she promised. He happily accepted the gift and nibbled at the edge of the treat.

He was adorable. And better behaved than she expected.

“Did anything happen while I was gone?” She asked.

It didn’t seem like anything had, but still…she wanted to hear it from him.

Chaton paused, seeming to consider something...

And then coughed up an akuma.

Marinette stared.

Tikki stared.

Chaton looked back up at them proudly over the fallen butterfly.

Look at the thing he caught! Proud! Proud? Proud of him? Yes?

The akuma twitched, apparently little worse for wear.

Marinette gaped.

“TIKKI!”

_________________

The Butterfly was cleansed and then released.

(Which Chaton was a little sad about since it was supposed to be a gift for her he kept safe till she returned, but then again, it wasn’t made of butter so there probably wasn’t much his Creator could use it for, either.)

Marinette checked over Chaton multiple times to ensure he was unharmed from his exposure to the akuma.

(This, he liked better since it meant she was holding him a lot, though he didn’t like how worried she was because he was fine! Really! He was a good boy!)

Then she hugged him out of relief.

(Much to his joy.)

And gave him the rest of the box of cookies she had promised him.

(Which his tummy liked much more than the Butter Lie.)

All in all, things didn’t turn out too terrible. Though Marinette wasn’t sure she would be making another excursion like this that would leave him alone any time soon.

(Chaton was wondering if he should try hunting the Butter Lies next time….)

And the day ended well...

(Chaton dreamed of Butter Flies and croissants...)

[yjwhatif]

the lack of outsiders is mostly likely because of everyone bitches that they wanted to see the orginal team. well bitches, i want to tell you something; the show is called YOUNG justice. one of the orginal team mates now has a god damn baby! They are grown ass adults! some of my fave characters, tye, asami, ed, and vilote, only exsits in this world and we barley see them. Oh and then there are thoose fucks that say the show is more about romance than it is about superheroing. the show focous on romance most at it's 1 fucking season! maybe you all were just blind to it because it involed only m/f. One of the couples there not even allowed to show. HOW IS THIS SEASON FOCOUS TOO MUCH ON ROMANCE? Sorry, yjwhat if, I freaked out for a second. But I think you agree with me for the most part.

(Hey anon, so I thought I’d already sent this response out but it apparently got lost amongst my drafts instead - so I apologise for how delayed this is!)

Honestly, while I probably wouldn’t phrase things quite as strongly against the opinions and wants of others, I do agree with a lot of your points Anon… ever since it was announced that there would be more of a focus on the OGs, I was kinda bummed because I had gotten really invested in the outsiders and really wanted to continue with them - but I get that others have that same connection and same wants with the OGs and grandon do like to change things up every season… which is one of the things I find most interesting about this show. Whilst I worried I may not enjoy the season as much without outsiders content - I can genuinely say I have very much enjoyed it - it has been nice seeing the people/heroes the OGs have become, whilst still finding struggles they must work through and though they’ve gotten older they are still growing with each experience they encounter. Of course, while my overall opinion on this season is positive, I will definitely admit the lack of outsiders content has rather sucked and actually felt a little off… though I’m hoping that may be rectified within the upcoming comic storyline - which certainly looks to be more outsiders oriented… but I guess we’ll have to see.

Also, as someone who’s favourite characters is Eduardo, I absolutely feel the pain of having no other place to go to get my (insert lesser seen character here) fix… it tends to be when there’s less canon content - there’s less fandom content - so it gets seriously hard to find any kind of content for those characters unique to the show when they’re not seen… which makes me really sad! I just want all the Eduardo content in my life!! My hope is, with all the OGs being more central in phantoms, the rule of changing things up every season will allow for the S2/3 characters to get their focus next season — it’s only fair… though again, we’ll have to see what happens.

In terms of romance - the show has it, yes - but it definitely doesn’t outfocus the superheroing - even in s1 when there was a bit more focus on it. To me it’s mostly, if not, always there as a means to develop the characters - people can learn and grow a lot through their relationships — as was said by both Conner and M’gann in their wedding vows to each other. If you have that kind of emotional investment in someone, you’re gonna care about what they think about you - enough to open your mind to understanding another’s perspective and evolving to think beyond yourself. The same goes for non-romantic relationship as well - people learn from people - and that’s what I personally take away from how the show uses all of its relationships. Though something I actually like quite a bit about how the show uses its romantic relationships is that they’re not there just to create drama and conflict between the characters. Unless they pertain to the main plot - like supermartian stuff, they kinda tend to just exist and work without much issue. A lot of the time it emphasises that a relationship isn’t a hindrance - that the characters can date each other without falling out every five minutes and can still perform their hero duties without major consequences relating back to the relationship in some way… in so much of the stuff I watch, relationships are ultimately characterised as something that hinders instead of strengthens and I honestly can be arsed with it at this point…

Okay, at this point I am officially rambling and don’t think I’m making actual sense - so I’m calling quits on whatever it is I’m trying to say… basically everything can be solved by giving me more Ed… preferably in an officially unrestricted relationship with Bart!! That’s all I want!!

These of course are just my personal opinions!

LB

[stuckasmain]

Buffy the vampire slayer season 2 review

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Huge! Major! Mondo! Serious spoilage here people! Keep if you haven’t seen season 2 and don’t want to be spoiled, jump off now. You’ve been warned

✨𝐰𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐡𝐞𝐥𝐥 ✨

literally no one gave them the right for half the episodes in this season and I’ll single handedly fight whoever made me feel like this. So clearly the show was picked up after the first season as it launches straight from 12 episodes to 22. Honestly I love It so far and still do- also spike. Y’all were right he’s great. Just.... just who allowed you to do that finale she’s 17 let her watch crappy movies or something.

[IMG=O3A]

seriously I like just finished and I’m still not ok

𝐒𝐭𝗼𝐫𝐲 𝐩𝐢𝐜𝐤𝐬 𝐮𝐩! 𝐁𝐮𝐭 𝐝𝗼𝐞𝐬����𝐭!

SLIGHTLY more vampires then season one! This was my more major complaint of season one , but with more episodes they could pace out the story driven - I don’t want to say ‘main plot’ episodes. There’s a equal mix of vampire slayage and ‘living on a hellmouth’ activity’s. I kinda like how you’ll have your more goofy monster of the month episodes then WHAM. Vampires! Emotions! Death! Straight in the gut. However at the same time it feels like it sort of drags a bit. Like everyone’s stuck in this sort of loop of development just like the world. Learn a lesson or evolve as a charecter or some sort of word thing? Next episode it’s kinda ignored and that flaw is back again.

however I am completely LIVING for the Halloween episode.

𝐂𝗼𝗺𝐞𝐝𝐲

Still god tier , next. Ok but seriously I feel it got even better this season and I love it.

Nothing will EVER be funnier then beating a unstoppable demon with a god damn bazooka and a pissed off teenager

𝐂𝐡𝐚𝐫𝐞𝐜𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐬

Buffy summers-

Someone get this girl a hug I swear to god she’s been though it. As much as I adore her and think she’s funny and smart , though cocky , but at the same time she suffers from the development issue I said before. Like she learns a lesson then next episode jumps straight back into the same sort of thing. However this is no fault on her and mainly just proves she has a good heart. I mean if my principle was like that and my own mother was so quick to believe I GENUINELY KILLED SOMEONE/TRIED TO without listening to a single word of mine. I’d loose it sometimes too.

Xander-

Again he’s still my soul. No porn star t-shirt this time :( . Again he’s just he’s funny, he’s awkward but his hearts in the right place. He really is a human puppy dog, who’s more bark then bite too. I also love the detail of him remembering all the military stuff from Halloween but also the “I was a hyena once I can relate to the werewolf :D” I love hyena boy. Also low key self deprecating half the time.

Willow-

Baby angel. Nerd queen. Love her so much omg. I love how sweet she is but also how at the same time she’s decently tough, and then gets all excited when she acts tough. Seriously she’s so adorable I may burst.

Giles-

Also my soul. Father figure of the year. Also, I like how this season began hinting at something deeper then what meets the nerdy nerdy surface. He’s kinda like willow a sweet and awkward nerd however he WILL snap much more often then she will.

Oz-

SETH GREEN! That’s it. Seth green! I love him so much oz is such a sweetheart, though it is kinda like willow dating a male, werewolf, version of herself. Though I’m here for it.

Cordillera -

How she is both developed and the same at the same time. I love her lmao.

Angel-

How do you go from Edward Cullen to dork to evil boy to sad boy. Apparently don’t have sex because you’ll be happy and turn evil kids. Really... who put that into the curse? Ok so yeah on one hand he’s no longer suffering so why have him cursed, at the same time it opens up the chance for him to do the same thing you fucking cursed him for again! Seriously evil him is both entertaining as it is a very punchable face.

Spike-

The guy pulls up looking like that, to that music. I swear it was like Billy Hargrove like a instant “well there going to be good” (as in interesting charecter-) and it was right. I love how he just shows up and is all “ok, what do you do for fun around here” .... “you people have heard of fun here right? Jesus Christ- what do you do? Skeam all day?” Later half after the mid part of the season he sort of Meh’s. However his sarcasm is p e a k.

Dru-

I love her you don’t understand. She’s so creepy and cute , evil and yet understandable. You both feel sympathetic but also worried over what she’s going to try.

𝐑𝐞𝐥𝐚𝐭𝐢𝗼𝐧𝐬𝐡𝐢𝐩𝐬!

the show kicked off and everyone’s dating!

Buffy and angel-

Cute , until it wasn’t. Honestly I like how they got over the tragedy early in the seasons an just got to dating like good god. Honestly they’re cute, somehow Constant make outs and being overly protective works. Then he , you know... goes evil after her - god that’s. That’s one way. I felt so bad for her Jesus. Also the last few minutes when he gets his soul back and he- and she- yeah.

Xander and cordillera-

I’m acting loving their relationship. Something about non stop bickering lead me to think it’d happen. And it did exactly as I thought it would(also nothing will be funnier the Transition of them sliding down in the closet and it cuts to sex Ed class. Nothing will ever be funnier. I am a 2 year old leave me alone.)

Willow and oz-

They’re so cute I’m going to burst I swear. Sweet dorks in love I cannot Handle it I can’t . I love them so much.

Giles and ms calendar-

*Muffled sobbing*

Spike and Dru-

LIVING. I love them. Again, creepy and cute. You don’t need the whole soul thing to have feelings you know? I can’t get over the demon calling them out on loving each other and spike looking so offended.

Ps.

The flashbacks in the last two episodes were great. I demand more. (Also Angels accent and ponytail will kill me im sure of it) just yes.

[evielallemxnt]

"There are T W O types of secrets: those we hide from others ─ and those we hide from OURSELVES."

have you seen GENEVIEVE 'EVIE' LALLEMENT strolling around central park at lunchtime? rumor has it they’re actually A HUNDRED AND THIRTY-FIVE years old, but i’m pretty sure they’re only TWENTY. they’re currently posing as a PRIVATE INVESTIGATOR at LALLEMENT LAW, but when dusk falls, you can usually find them heading home to MANHATTAN by TOWN CAR. apparently they DID attend the met gala this season! @duskintro

* / CHARACTER INFLUENCES: Jake Peralta ( Brooklyn 99 ) + Veronica Mars ( Veronica Mars ) + Nancy Drew ( Nancy Drew ) + Claudia ( Interview With The Vampire ) + Rebekah Mikaelson ( The Originals )

* / ANTHEMS: PRETTY SAVAGE | YOU MADE A MONSTER | 7 RINGS

*** PENNED BY BRI FOR DUSKFELLHQ ***

FULL NAME: GENEVIEVE "EVIE" LALLEMENT

FACECLAIM: Savannah Lee Smith

AGE: 20 ( estimated @ time of changing ) physically | 135 mentally

SEXUALITY: Lesbian

PRONOUNS: She/her

POSITIVE: Intelligent, charming, loyal, brave.

NEUTRAL: Spontaneous, trustworthy, daring, cocky

NEGATIVE: Impulsive, self-destructive, snide, and Machiavellian.

ELEMENT: Fire.

MBTI TYPE: ENFJ.

MORAL ALIGNMENT: Chaotic neutral.

HOGWARTS HOUSE: Slytherin

AESTHETIC: Breakfast at Tiffany's, fine tailoring, diamonds and pearls and rubies, late-night bubble baths with red sangria, Chanel No.5, bubbly stocked fridge, penthouse parties, drinks @ The Blond, exclusive social club, wigs and disguises, sly smiles, bad decisions, midnight sleuthing, gossiping until dawn, closets filled with Birkins, eyes that hold secrets, smudged lip gloss, devilish temptations

TW: Death, dying, blood

* / BIOGRAPHY: The history of Genevieve Lallement is a tricky one. If you ask her, she became a creature of the night in some whirlwind fashioned tale filled with love, betrayal, and sacrifice -- all the makings of a heart-clenching closed shut story. But the reality? That's much more of a mystery.

Her genesis is one filled with darkness. No memories. No family. No nothing. The only solace coming in the form of her sire -- Cassius. He saved her from a fever that took many in late 19th century England and told her as much as he knew. That he had found her bedridden and sickly in a run-down isolation ward where patients were sent to die more than to be cured. Apparently, she had reminded him of a sister he’d once lost and he acted on an inner impulse to save an innocent. The staff had told him that she had admitted herself under what they proved to be an alias, so there was no way to notify family or even prove she existed.

She was a ghost. Alone in the world. And dying.

So, he gave her new life. Eternal life.

When she’d awakened from the transition, the ripe young vampire found herself unable to remember, well... anything. It was as if the transformation erased everything human about her, wiped her slate clean as she re-entered the world as someone else. Something else. Cassius said that vampirism isn’t a perfected process. There are some ailments that the immortal blood which now ran through her veins can’t heal. By the time he’d found her, her mind had already been overcome with the sickness that was moments away from snuffing her out completely. To drag her back from the depths of near-death, she had to lose some parts of herself along the way. There were some upsides, though. She clung to Cassius like a newborn, and he grew to coddle her as if she were his own. Being inducted into the Lallement family allowed her to see a world that was previously unattainable as a mortal having had come from the dregs of England. He’d brought her to New York at the turn of the century, and it was a sight to behold as she realized…this was HOME.

As the decades passed, the new Lallement glided through life. The adjustment to vampirism wasn’t as hard as it probably was for others. Sure, she had her hiccups, but it was almost as if the lack of memories helped. There was no other way of living for her to remember or to acclimate from. In some ways, there was no true loss. Her new family filled the voids ( even helped her pick out a new name ‘GENEVIEVE” ) showered her with endless love ─ and the bloodlust helped pick up the slack. For a while. As an immortal, it is easy to become distracted by the power, privilege, and play that is now bestowed upon you. But eventually, the semblance of loneliness and eternity creep in. For Evie, it was plaguing thoughts of the unknown that haunted her. Did she have a family when Cas took her away? Did they look for her? Mourn her? Soon all she could think of was the possibility that they somehow survived the plague and managed to continue on. This led her to try to trace their footsteps back to the town Cassius found her in to look for anything, any semblance of a clue that pointed to her previous human existence. Only for Evie to be faced with the harsh reality that the one hospital in town, the very town she’d believed herself to have been raised in, had burned down not long after they’d fled. Along with the patient records. Any possibility of tracing back her roots had been destroyed in a reckless accident and something in Evie c r a c k ed. Never again to be fully healed.

But if anything, she’s a survivor. Evie turned her sadness into something productive, going on to study criminology and criminal justice in the ’70s and '80s, along with a myriad of other majors she probably got too distracted to finish. Evie figured, if she couldn’t figure out the mystery of her own life, then the least she could do is help others figure out the mysteries in theirs. Becoming a private investigator sort of just happened, but it soon became her life’s joy. Piecing things together, going on recon missions, and doling out the truth was something that Evie not only excelled at but truly found fulfilling. At least ─ during the day. When the sun goes down, she resorts back to her party-girl ways, needing to find some sort of entertainment as a method to keep herself distracted. Because, you see, the only thing Evie hates most in the world is being by her lonesome. It leaves time for that inner sadness and loss to come creeping back in, to remind her that there’s nothing in the world to truly call her own. That the Lallement name is a placeholder for the truth. And that’s the one truth she cannot face.

So, she parties, boozes, pushes the limit because she has none, and there is always a need for M O R E. Because boredom is never on the menu. And when the town car arrives eventually to take her back to Manhattan, merely a few hours before she must be up for work, Evie revels in the few minutes of silence and thinks ─

‘Another day down. Only an eternity to go.’

* / PERSONALITY: Evie is, more than anything, fun. She likes to have a good time and to look good while doing it. Sure, her deviousness occasionally gets her into more trouble than intended, and in some ways, her childlike need to be paid attention to can be exhausting to people, but she is not all play. Evie truly enjoys being an investigator and will isolate herself for days, weeks even, if that means cracking a case. Her job and lifestyle have been carefully cultivated to always keep her busy so the facade can stick. No one knows about her growing concerns with the idea of unlimited time or the feeling of wanting a connection with someone -- anyone. Evie doesn't really give into supernatural politics or bias, and her ruthless side only comes out when hangry or when you threaten someone she loves. Then it's all-out chaos.

* / FUN FACTS:

She's gone to college several times and has studied many things but only holds a degree in Criminology and Interior Design

Currently paying a witch to figure out a way for vampires to get tattoos

Obsessed with all things horror and true crime

Officially identified as a lesbian in the late '60s

Has two poodles named Khaleesi and Drogon

Manhattan PD knows her by name

* / WANTED CONNECTIONS:

SCOOBY GANG/HARDY BOYS/7 RINGS - These are her people, her confidantes, her ride or dies. Can be supernatural or human, mortal or immortal. Whether they met decades ago or the night before, tipsy, in the Cosmopolitan bathrooms, they instantly clicked and have been loyal to each other ever since.

ROOMMATE(S) - Evie lives in one of the many ritzy buildings Manhattan has to offer. While having an entire floor to yourself has its benefits, it can feel quite isolating. So, the vampire opened up her doors to allow in some roommates -- free of charge!

ASSISTANT - As a private investigator, sometimes certain cases can become quite tedious. While her work rarely ventures away from mild cases Cassius needs help with, Evie does also take cases from anyone who needs help. Keeping everything organized, going with her on recon, and even offering their own input and theories is what they provide for her.

PLAYTHING - Now Evie isn't evil, she doesn't play with people's emotions ( at least not intentionally ) but she does indulge in the power and influence that comes with vampirism. Not only would this person be someone to go to for the occasional midnight snack ( where they're the snack sowz ), Evie would also indulge in their life. Making sure they're well taken care of, listening to the things they're going through, and being there for them whenever they need her.

FOES/ENEMIES - When you live forever you might make an enemy or three. Evie has ruffled a few feathers over the past century, that's for sure, and she has no problem continually poking the bear if she finds herself bored enough to do so.

also: literally anything else pls plot with me i'll send you kit kats and a coupon for a free taco.

[clueless-content-creator]

Kim Younghoon x Y/n: Enemies, but not for long.

Genre: Angst, Enemies to Lovers, Fluff towards the end 

Warnings: Cursing, Heavy Sarcasm (Not edited!)

Word Count: 1.5k

It all started when your lovely brother Sangyeon had introduced you to his so-called "best friend" Like actually, who on earth could see him as a good person? Everyone else except for you, seemingly. And little did you know, he had every intent on getting you to at least like him. Speaking of the devil, he's over at your house right now. Since your brother was going on his honeymoon and you had recently moved into a new house, you only had a few (necessary) pieces of furniture. Sangyeon thought that inviting Younghoon over to 'babysit' you while he was gone was a good idea when you only had one bed. Spoiler alert, it wasn't. Now you're stuck here with an idiot of a man who shouldn't even be here but is anyways. You just woke up from your nap to hear very loud moving noises. They sounded like boxes. Oh wait- "Lovely, you're awake. Finally." He dead-panned making you glare at him. "I bought you some more furniture considering you didn't have anything to cook with." He shrugs, "I was just going to eat fast food until I had the money to get all this. Plus you hate me, why would you do this?" He so badly wanted to confess right there and then but he knew it wasn't the right time. "It'll come, the time will come." He thought to himself. "Well, I thought at the very least you won't have to get fat from eating fast food every day and night and I can cook you something!" His sudden change of attitude made you incredibly suspicious. "You mean, so you can finally poison and get rid of me? Cause if so, then yay! I won't get to be with an asshole anymore!" He sighed, "It's not that Y/n. Come on, we can bond and have some reckless fun while your brother isn't here. You know how protective he is." You chewed on your lip, debating whether to or not. "Nope! Still not happening in a million years, but maybe in your dreams!" You taunted him, then happily skipping away to the bathroom. He heavily sighed in defeat, "This is going to be a very long day." He whispered to himself, remembering when you two were young and this whole story was the other way round. You had really liked him and was pretty much in love with him but he dated other girls and completely ignored you. Except for one day, Sangyeon discussed with him about you and your feelings for him but at that point, you had realized that he was an ignorant asshole that was just a dirty player. And when your brother "introduced" him to you, you were utterly disgusted. Refusing to try to get along, that was years ago and it wasn't until Sangyeon found his wonderful wife that she had opened everyone's eyes, making you two closer each day. But, something still didn't feel right. When you were young, you kept people really close to you, at times almost too close. But now, it hurts to constantly keep everyone at an arm's distance but it's your excuse to not get hurt by other people. But Younghoon's side of the story was the other way round, as a kid, he kept everyone away for most of the time. And was a player in high school to avoid commitment and relationships. But now, a complete softie, at least... For you he was. When Sangyeon mentioned you and how long you had feelings for him he felt awful, considering how long he ignored you for he was still surprised by how much you liked him, emphasis on the -ed. When your brother introduced you two he noticed how distant you were, being the complete opposite of what Sangyeon described you as. He asked for clarification from your brother and he replied with, "You messed up not noticing her earlier, I'd like to say that you're too late but you've still got time man, don't mess this one up too." Still, to this day, Younghoon takes those words to heart. They still echo in his head, "You've still got time, don't mess this one up too." He sighed again, thanking the moving people before going to knock on the bathroom door, "Y/n? You in there?" You banged back on the door, startling him. "Where else would I be?! I can't teleport, although if I could I would go anywhere that's without you!" He scoffed lightly, "Well, you can't so don't be a wimp and face me." You swiftly opened the door, facing him head-on. "What is it with you?" You grumbled, quickly avoiding eye contact with him. "I just need you to tell me what you want to eat." You chuckled half-heartedly, "Pizza. At the very least, something that is not made with those icky hands of yours!" He looked down at his hands, seeing them a little dirty and scratched up from carrying the moving boxes. He gulped silently, then nodding as he grabbed his phone out of his back pocket. "Hello? Yes, can I order (your favorite pizza) please?" You felt a bit guilty for yelling at him for no reason, half of you felt as though he deserved it anyways but the other half didn't. "I wish he really did like me back then, maybe things would be different. And I could be as happy as my brother's wife or least not as stubborn or miserable as I am now but who knows? Things could change with the snap of a finger." You sighed, talking to yourself again as you finished your makeup. But little did you know, things would change, and that quickly. 

That week had passed relatively quickly, Sangyeon and his wife had come back from their trip (honeymoon) already, meaning that Younghoon had to leave. Sangyeon thanked Younghoon for feeding, entertaining, even buying you new furniture, and of course doing the rest for you. Even though you didn't feel like you needed it, you still did. But now, you have mixed feelings, your old feelings for Younghoon are back again, and stronger than ever. But, he's still the same asshole that you fell in love with years ago, he hasn't changed one bit. "Oh great," You thought to yourself. "I'm just digging a deeper hole for myself" You sighed before waving Younghoon off, feeling slightly sad but more so relieved that you now, finally, have the house all to yourself. 

Three weeks had passed after the time that you and Younghoon kind of spent together and you still to this day, have mixed emotions about him. And after you told your friends about the whole situation, one of them had set you up with another man, who apparently was one of Younghoon's old school friends. He was just as (annoyingly) charming as Younghoon. His name was Hyunjae and he was incredibly handsome and was very kind and sweet to you but after the first date that you had, his personality seemed kind of boring and didn't match yours as well as Younghoon's did surprisingly. But when he asked you to be his girlfriend, in a way, you felt obligated to say yes. It was big news to everyone, including you. But it was the biggest news the Younghoon, feeling like his chances of ever getting loved by you was thrown out of the window now. But even after all that trauma, he still felt somewhat happy for you two, forcing a smile upon his lips anytime he saw you two out in public or online.

A month had passed and you broke up with Hyunjae because he explained why he asked you to be his girlfriend so quickly after the date. Long story short, he made a bet with his friends that he could steal you away from Younghoon to make him jealous, maybe even lonely. At this point, you felt utterly betrayed and you wanted him to apologize to Younghoon but he refused, saying that he is your problem now. So here you are, fake crying with Younghoon rubbing your back all because you faked a story that Hyunjae broke up with you. Because after all, he "cheated." Younghoon felt wrong, 'Should I just hug her and confess now?' He sighed heavily "Screw it, now or never." He spoke out loud making you look at him confused. He then took your hands in his and kissed you. Your eyes widened, not being able to close them when his lips moved against yours, then pulling away "I'm sorry Y/n but I can't keep it a secret anymore, I love you and I've loved you even when you did years back in school. I will always love you and be by your side no matter how many guys (or girls) you date and if you don't feel the same way, I get it but I just had to tell you." He had tears in his eyes, gently embracing you as he kissed your head. You pulled away, feeling him trying to resist it wanting to hold you close for longer. "Younghoon... I feel the same, recently I've been on such a rollercoaster of emotions I didn't know what I felt and what I didn't but now I know exactly what I want to feel. I love you too and I want to be with you only!" He smiled wholeheartedly, "Y/n... I love you so much and I will for the rest of my life."

[littlemindblabbles]

On-screen, Off-screen

Pairing: Jun x Y/N

Summary: You’re given the once-in-a-lifetime opportuinity to act in a music video alongside your idol, Wen Junhui. But is he really as nice in real life as he is on screen?

1 | 2 | 3 | 4 (final)

Jun seemed determined not to bring up any indication that the morning’s events even took place. He continued acting like your costar/friend, making jokes with you but still going through the afternoon scenes with you. Meanwhile, it was torturing you. You didn’t know how to look at him without thinking of his lips on yours, as well as the caring, almost loving, look he gave you during his ‘confession’. But as all good things come to an end, tomorrow was the last day of filming and after that, you’ll never have to see Jun in real life again. Technically, this should work out in your favour, your one-sided feelings for him would turn back into just an infatuation, and you don’t have to worry about him breaking your heart by rejecting you. 

You continued about your day mostly on autopilot, not wanting to let out too many emotions lest Jun finds out your true feelings towards him. He seemed to notice though, asking you if you were alright throughout the day. 

“Jun, really I’m fine. Please just go do your own things, I’m sure you’re really busy. I’ll see you tomorrow, last day whoo!” Ugh, even you could tell your enthusiasm was fake as hell. Jun obviously didn’t seem convinced.

“Well okay, even though I really don’t believe you. But hey, if this was about this morning’s stuff. Sorry, I didn’t say anything about it but I thought it would lessen the awkwardness. But don’t take anything too seriously, it was all for show don’t worry. Forget it ever happened.” The more Jun talked, the more he was breaking your heart into millions of pieces. As much as you expected it, the outright rejection even before you confessed hurt so freaking much. 

Struggling to hold back your tears, you gave a small smile nodded, and ran out the door, ignoring the calls of Jun from behind you.

-

You couldn’t help it, you decided to close off your emotions while going to work the next day. You didn’t want to admit it, but you spent a large majority of your evening the previous day crying your heart out. It was stupid, falling for someone you knew you would never have a chance with, but you let yourself have a night of self-pity and giving into your emotions.

However, Jun, being ever observant, noticed the drastic change in your behaviour. The two of you usually spent your breaks together, joking with the stylists or going through scenes, but when you tried to excuse yourself to go to your private dressing room for the third time today, he caught your arm at the last minute and pulled you back, frowning.

“Don’t even try to bullshit me anymore Y/N. I am really hurt you think I’m an idiot. What is going on? Why are you acting like this?” You pulled your arm away from his hand, ignoring the feeling you got while he was touching you. You gave a nervous laugh which you hope was convincing as your mind raced through different excuses to see which was the most believable.

“I’m not trying to test your stupidity, Jun. I really am okay, I guess I’m currently feeling a bit weird because you know, it’s our last day and since it’s my first ever acting role, I’m gonna miss it. Didn’t think I’d get attached this quickly but I did.” You sigh out, only half lying. You were gonna miss coming to set every day, and of course, working with everyone here. 

Fortunately, Jun seemed to believe you. He smiles and pats your head as though you were a child. You inwardly cringed, nothing hurts more than your crush thinking of you as a little sister or something. But your director saved you from making any more (very awkward) conversation by calling the both of you to the next scene. 

“And with that, thank you, everybody, it’s a wrap!” Everyone around you started cheering, some of the staff even brought out a small cake for Jun and you. You couldn’t help but shed a few tears, you couldn’t believe your once-in-a-lifetime opportunity was coming to an end. Jun noticed you crying and placed an arm around you, letting you hide your face in his chest. The staff all aww-ed at the sight of the both of you, and you continued hiding your face so that everyone couldn’t see your blushing face. 

“Okay, let’s all head to eat dinner together, one last time, and here’s the best part: it’s on me!” Yelled the director and everyone began to celebrate. One by one they made their way out of the room, indistinct chatter getting louder. You called out just as the last few people were leaving, Jun included. 

“Hey, not trying to be a party pooper but you guys go ahead. I had a bad night and I’m really tired. I’ll head home to catch up on sleep. Don’t worry I’ll meet you guys another time. Have fun!” You gave a small smile and gestured at them to leave. Jun looked like he was about to object and say something, but studied your face for a second then decided not to and left. 

Once you no longer heard the sound of footsteps, you finally let out all the emotions which had been plaguing you for the entire day. This would be the last time you’ll ever be here, and you wanted to put aside your feelings together with the whole experience. Just give me this moment to be weak, I’ll never cry over him after. 

“Y/N?” A voice cuts through your mini sobbing party. You panic, trying to wipe your tears dry and come up with a reasonable explanation as to why you were having a breakdown in the middle of the set. To your absolute horror, the voice belonged to Jun. 

Unable to take it anymore, you started crying again. However, this time you were crying so hard it was really ugly sobs and heaving because you were losing the ability to breathe properly. 

“Y/N please, don’t cry. What happened, I promise I’ll help you fix it. Everything would be okay. I know this feeling is sad, but I’m sure you’ll have more opportunities in the future, and it’s not like you can’t meet these people again. Please stop crying, it hurts me so much to see you like this.” Jun was hugging you, there was no denying the arms around your chest. He was running his hands up and down your back, trying to soothe you and you swear he just kissed your hair. 

Instead of helping you, you broke down into even harder crying. How? How does he act so well? From his actions, you desperately want to think that Jun cares, but your brain tells you not to ignore reality. Jun really seems concerned now, and since you kind of want to remain friends with him, you try your best to calm yourself down. 

“Uh. sorry about that. I’m sorry you had to see me like this. I thought you went for dinner?” You attempted to give a smile, but in all your tears, it was pathetic at best. Jun looked even more pained and hugged you tighter. Ignoring the ache in your heart, you continued. “You know me, just being all emotional. I mean you probably are used to it, but it’s all so new to me. And I may not get another opportunity like this. I don’t think I’m that lucky.” 

“Y/N please, I know that isn’t the main reason as to why you’re crying as though someone broke your heart.” You grimaced, how could he guess so easily and see right through you? Jun immediately noted your reaction and continued, “So I’m correct, someone did break your heart. Who is it? Is it one of the people who worked with us? I swear I’ll kill him.”

“Stop it!” You scream, finally having enough. Jun looks shocked and takes a small step away from you, his arms leaving your shoulders where he was rubbing them comfortingly. “How cruel can you be? You’re an amazing actor I know, but isn’t it a bit too mean? To play with my feelings like this? If this is how you wanna treat me then I’d rather you treat me with that cold indifference you had on the first day we met. At least then I’d know my feeling for you are completely one-sided and stupid. At least let me move on alright since I won’t ever see you again.” Now it’s Jun’s turn to look confused. He takes another step towards you and uses his hand to lift your face which was looking at the floor.

“Wait, did you just confess to me? You like me too? I thought I was the crazy one for feeling that way for you, how could anyone like me after I treated them like shit, especially on the first day they meet their idol. I meant everything I said yesterday during filming. Seeing you run off to cry during the spinning affected me a lot more than I thought it would. So I decided to let down my barriers for once and help you out. From there, falling for you was so natural, but I felt like an idiot for saying not to get any ideas, so I tried to brush off my confession. I didn’t want you to feel burdened by my words and feelings, so I thought pretending nothing happened would be the best course of action. Apparently, I was very wrong though.” Towards the end of his speech, Jun’s smile slowly got bigger as he tugged you closer and closer towards him, his arms around your waist. 

“So can we do this now for real?” He shyly asks before pecking you softly on your lips. 

Your face turns crimson red and you hug him tighter, burying your face into his chest. Jun laughs adorably and the vibrations of his chest cause you to look back up at him. Then he scratches the back of his neck and Wen Junhui looks nervous?

“You know, the reason why I keep my life private, was because I didn’t want the media to find out all these embarrassing things about me. Like how I’ve never actually dated anyone before and therefore I am completely lost in the relationship department.” He grins sheepishly in the end, causing your entire heart to explode. 

The both of you agree to take things slow, it’s not like you had that much experience either. For starters, you were gonna go for the team dinner tonight. As a couple. (In secret of course) 

Jun stretches his arms out, indicating to the door. However, the moment you grabbed it, he pulls you back into the warmest hug ever. The both of you stay like that for a long time, enjoying how it felt to be in each other’s arms for real finally. 

He then kisses you lightly, blushing hard. Before you could even react, he says “Race you!” and runs out of the door. Smiling, you started running to keep up with him.

- 

It’s been a month since you got together, but today standing next to him your nerves were still spiraling out of control. Why? Because you were currently holding on to your boyfriend’s arm on the red carpet premiere of said boyfriend’s new movie. It was your first-ever red carpet event and furthermore, it was the first public appearance of both of you together. Sensing your nervousness, Jun placed his arms over yours and gave you a reassuring smile. 

“Jun-ssi, can you tell us about the beautiful lady on your arm tonight? If I am not mistaken, she was your co-star from the recent MV you filmed?” Jun smiled at the interviewer, that charismatic smile that made you fall in love with him through a screen all those years ago. You still couldn’t believe the fact that you were looking at it in real life really. Jun looked at you again before answering, his eyes never leaving yours.

“Yes, this is Y/N, she’s so amazingly talented and I had no choice but to fall for her while I was filming. She makes me want to be a better person every day.” 

Would the ground just swallow you up, you couldn’t handle what Jun was saying to millions of people worldwide. The interviewer actually looks surprised at his response, you’re sure he was expecting Jun to deflect the question as usual. He quickly regains his composure, and actually turns to you. 

“Hi Miss Y/N, pleasure to meet you this evening, now I’m sure everyone is dying to know more about you. Would you like to say a few words?” After a reassuring squeeze from your boyfriend, you started out shakily before gaining more confidence. 

“Uh, hi everyone, I’m Y/N. I just started acting with the MV I shot with Jun butttt, I do have a mini web series coming up next month on Viu and many more exciting projects lined up! Hope you’ll all anticipate them and also please support Jun’s new movie today!” You smiled at the end and bowed towards the camera. 

Once you stood up again, Jun took you by surprise, kissing you sweetly at the side of your head and grins. 

“That’s my girl.”

THE END

Note: Aaaaaargh, finally done with this mini series! This was a really loooong chapter but I really had to get their story out! Please check out my other fics here :)

[dazais-guardian-angel]

Hot take: Bakugou's character wouldn't survive if not for the one he kept abusing all his life. 90% of his character revolves around his victim and yet the fandom paints him as this super developed, fleshed out character when in reality he'd never be anything bigger than a side character if not for Deku.

Also the concequences he supposedly received are just him being teased or not getting the win he wanted, no being kidnapped doesn't count, he literally got away with his shit while even been treated like a victim and the privilege to know something about Deku that isn't any of his business. And now because he sacrificed himself that one time the fandom acts like Izuku owes his ass anything. It's disgusting.

I have given up on him actually being half the decent character ppl make him out to be and the fandom reaction to him makes me hate him even more.

He's not complex, he's just a pretty boy, asshole archetype who gets nicer and has some more cooperative and ppl love to eat that shit up while making up stuff for him. He changes but he's doesn't change for what matters and definitely pales in comparison to other characters who are better written than him.

(holy shit, did they remove the character limit on asks?? omg a GODSEND)

Well yeah, if it weren’t for Izuku and how he treats Izuku he wouldn’t have anything to improve from; people only think he’s developed because he no longer outright bullies him and “””worries””” (I say in heavy quotes) about him, and “reflects” on how he treated him even though he.......... comes to the absolute wrongest, most idiotic conclusions imaginable, that put the brunt of the excuses on Izuku instead of himself, but Toshinori validates him because Horikoshi has made Toshi into Bakugou’s uwu stan and stan of the two boys’ “friendship” (completely ignoring the fact that THIS KID FOR TEN YEARS BULLIED HIS SON). He’s basically already been devolved to acting like a side character for a long time now, with his funny anger quirk pun partly intended that’s just treated like a joke at this point, just like everyone else’s character quirks, even though it would be far more interesting for him to, you know. actually get some therapy and learn to calm himself and become an actual pleasant person to be around. But that’s not what makes him “funny”, that’s not him, according to most people, so he’s always going to stay like this, a boring angry pomeranian who flies off the handle at everything for no reason, who has done the absolute bare minimum of “changing”, which makes him a perfect character in everyone’s eyes.

“He changes but doesn’t change for what matters” pretty much sums up the problem with him in a nutshell, and is the exact reason he frustrates me so much, that I’ve ranted about plenty before. Bakugou has never been viewed through the lens of a bully, an abuser, he was never set up to be that, at least not realistically, and so his development hasn’t happened in accordance with that setup either, and people don’t have a problem with it and actively praise it because the manga actively downplay(ed)s the severity of that origin story. People can ignore the reality of how seriously traumatic being bullied for ten years of your childhood, verbally and physically would be, and how seriously and with such sensitivity such a relationship and character arc must be handled, because aside from the very first chapter when Izuku and Bakugou are still in middle school, really, with the “take a swan dive off the roof” comment and others, it’s never focused on in that way ever again; ever since, it’s just been treated as a typical anime “rivalry”, that both of them need to better themselves to overcome. The story and teachers say “the two of them are so alike but they just keep missing each other; if they just made up for each others’ weaknesses and understood that they both want the same thing, they’d be stronger together!”, and Izuku HIMSELF tries so hard to reach through to Bakugou, always still considering him his friend, always feeling like he’s the one equally at fault for their relationship being as rocky as it is, when BAKUGOU!!! FUCKING!!! BULLIED HIM!!! FOR TEN YEARS. bullied a DISABLED CHILD, which again, as a disabled person who relates to Izuku and how he felt about his quirklessness, feelings that continue to affect him even long after he gets a quirk because of how he was treated when he was younger, is DEEPLY unsettling to me. You CANNOT read/watch MHA without the metaphor of quirklessness = disabled being very apparent, and so that makes Bakugou’s bullying and how it is so utterly glossed over and purposefully forgotten a hundred times more disturbing and aggravating than it already is! If this were any other shounen rivalry then yes, it could be resolved with effort from both parties, because both parties have their own personal reasons for why they have trouble getting along with the other, and the fun is watching to see how they will overcome those, but Izuku and Bakugou were never on an equal playing field to begin with; this is a bullying story, with its victim trying desperately to win over and befriend his abuser, when he owes him absolutely NOTHING and has a BOATLOAD of unresolved issues thanks to said bullying, with no outside help from adults for either of them because none of them are acknowledging it as fucking bullying. I guarantee you that if the manga went into much more painful, bleak detail and showed many more flashbacks of how Izuku was treated by Bakugou in the past, and then still continued with the “development” he’s had since, people would be unable to ignore it like they can now, and it would make all of them extremely uncomfortable like it does those of us now who already dislike him. Hori himself has said he doesn’t understand why Bakugou is so popular, but he’s able to just continue as he does with him because no one is complaining, and because he said he regrets making him so awful in the beginning, as if that magically makes it disappear as much as it already has in 90% of the fandom’s collective mind. You wanna know an actual good manga that also deals with a bully of a disabled child growing and improving himself and forming a close relationship with his former victim? A Silent Voice. Such a journey is long, and hard, and it is painful, with many ups and downs and many nasty, hateful, guilt-filled, depression-filled feelings from both sides, along with from other characters who either also partook in the bullying, were bystanders to it who did nothing, or were indirect victims as well. The bully is bullied himself after what he does, and then grows up nearly suicidal, closing himself off and struggling to be social and make new friends because he doesn’t know how and doesn’t entirely feel like he deserves it (and the story notably doesn’t go the route of “he was abused too at home and so that’s why he bullied”), and tries and fails many times to make amends with the person he hurt before he finally is at peace with himself and everyone; the victim, meanwhile, drowns in continued guilt and suicidal feelings over feeling like she’s a burden to others, both from her disability and from watching all the infighting and victim blaming and finger pointing that ensues between her old classmates when all of the nasty emotions are brought back to the surface, along with dealing with budding romantic feelings for her past bully when he genuinely starts being kind towards her and making an effort to connect with her. ASV is entirely about this complex narrative, it’s able to dedicate everything it has to telling this story tactfully and with all the time and attention it needs. MHA, meanwhile, is a shounen battle manga, and so it was never going to do this narrative and Bakugou’s arc justice, even though I honestly think it could have if Hori really wanted to, because Izuku and Toshinori’s relationship has such masterfully subtle and touching emotions and care, at least early on; Horikoshi knows how to write good, subtle character arcs. I’m not asking for something ASV level, of course not, when the series has so many other things it has to juggle. I just wanted Bakugou to be treated as exactly what he is: a former bully, who can be taught, and learn, and reflect, and change, and become a better, more humble, more interesting person, and actually become someone worthy of all the praise and love he gets, not only for Izuku’s sake, but for his own, as well. They don’t excuse his actions in the slightest, but it’s still undeniable that Bakugou himself is a victim of how the adults in his life have treated him and raised his own expectations of himself, giving him the crippling insecurity issues he has, and that they continue to harm him (and Izuku) by simply letting him continue to go on angrily the way he does, instead of getting him help and some therapy in order for him to change and heal from things like being kidnapped by villains (which is no small thing to go through!! on top of his guilt over Toshinori’s final battle!) and becoming a better person to the one he hurt in the past, and it all just makes me so sad, not because I’m all “uwu poor Bakugou”, but just cause his character deserves better, as a person he deserves better, just like Izuku deserves better than everything he’s gone through because of him. This is all just a very long-winded way of agreeing with you OP that yes, none of Bakugou’s “punishments” for his behavior mean anything because he’s punished as a rival student who needs to humble himself in order to get along with his friend he doesn’t like, not as a former(??) bully who needs to be separated from his victim. The bar is set so low, was never set where it should be, and so absolutely no progress to “better himself” Bakugou makes either will mean anything, as long as it’s never acknowledged that he needs to make amends as a bully and abuser.

[hotpinkhoshi]

kiss it better | two

pairing: mark tuan x reader

genre: angst, smut, brother’s best friend au (sort of)

warnings: age gap (nine years), cursing, explicit sex, slow burn

summary: you were off limits for more reasons than mark could count. but everything changed for him the day you walked into his tattoo shop with those big innocent eyes and a laugh like his favorite song. he couldn’t. he wouldn’t. and yet…

a/n: hi babies, how are we all doing? life is weird right now. i hope you’re all staying healthy and sane. please take care of yourselves! regarding the chapter, thank you guys for reading the prologue and chapter one! i know it’s a more subtle and slow burn than the pact was, but TRUST ME it will allll be worth it in the end. oh, and i wanted to point out: if you were confused by chapter one, make sure you go read the prologue first! i had titled it “preview” before but honestly, it’s important that you read it before diving into the story. 

✩ index here ✩

“No way! I loved that show. I was so sad when it ended,” you said, fingers ripping apart a second slice of pizza for yourself.

Mark grimaced, shaking his head. “Agh, no. The special effects were laughable.”

“Oh, so you’re one of those people?”

His deep brown eyes narrowed at you from across the restaurant booth. “What kind of people?”

You licked your lips and shrugged your shoulders. “You know… a snob.” You fought a smile.

Shaking his head at you, Mark chuckled, a low gravelly tone. “No, no. I just can’t do it. When I was in school, I wanted to work on special effects. I know it’s hard work, but I think that’s why I hate seeing people do such a half assed job.” 

You raised a brow. “You wanted to do special effects?” 

“Mm,” Mark replied, chewing his slice of supreme veggie pizza. “Played a lot of video games… still do, but you know, it was all I did back then. I wanted to be in the business so bad, so I thought about it. It turned me onto graphic design, which turned me onto art, which brought me here.” 

You’d been at this pizza shop for nearly an hour and you hadn’t stopped talking since. It was so incredibly easy to talk to Mark, and you weren’t sure if it was because in some way, he reminded you of home. But in an unexpected way that didn’t make you sick to your stomach.

He was also far more interesting than you’d ever thought he was. You found it so impressive how he’d found his passion and fought for it, even if it meant he might fail. If there was something Mark had an excess of, it was passion. You could easily tell from just the first moment you asked him about how he’d gotten into tattooing. 

“Wow,” you remarked, licking pizza sauce off of your thumb. “I never knew you were into all this stuff back then.” 

“Well… when I graduated you were, what? Nine?” 

You grimaced. You remembered the ungodly long graduation ceremony you’d had to sit through with your parents, all while wearing the most itchy velvet dress and tights. At the time, Taehyung had seemed like such a grown up. It was no surprise that you’d seen him as the shining Polaris to follow as you navigated through life. 

“It doesn’t feel like it was that long ago,” you said, leaning your chin upon your hand. “Weird. I can’t believe you and Tae are so…”

“Old?” Mark finished for you, one brow lifted. 

You bit back a smile, shaking your head. “I’d never say that…” 

“It’s alright, you can say it. Every morning, I wake up and a new muscle is sore. They say your health starts declining when you’re 26, so you’re living on borrowed time.” 

“Hey, I still have a few years then. Besides, you look pretty healthy to me. I mean…” Without realizing it, your eyes glanced down at his arms, the firm muscles and veins on clear display. 

Maybe it was weird, ogling your brother’s best friend, when he probably saw you as his little sister. But you couldn’t help it… he’d really grown into adulthood. His face was a mixture of sharp features and round, doe eyes and full lips. It was only your body’s natural response.

“Thanks,” he replied and you noticed the tips of his ears flushing red. “Alright, are you ready to get out of here?” 

You were grateful for the change in subject. You nodded, and with only a little shame didn’t even bother trying to pay for the meal. Funds were extra low now after that tattoo, and you knew there was no way Mark would even allow you to pay a dime.

Mark led you out of the pizza shop and into his car, where your natural flow of conversation continued. You learned that Mark and Dahyun had been at the tattoo shop for almost five years now, and Mark was essentially the head artist. He had worked hard to get where he was, starting as an apprentice and moving up the ladder.

It seemed as if he wasn’t the most social employee, though. He was friendly with Dahyun and the guys, but he didn’t talk about them much besides when referring to work. 

As Mark pulled up to the address of the hostel you were staying in, you drew in a deep breath as you prepared yourself for another night of thumping bass and blasting machine guns. 

“Thank you for tonight, Mark. I really appreciate it. And… the tattoo, obviously. I love it,” you told him, gathering up your purse as you reached for the door handle. 

“This is where you’re staying?” He asked, eyebrows raised. 

It wasn’t the prettiest building, no. It was sort of falling apart, but it was all cosmetic issues on the exterior. Inside, it was… acceptable. No air conditioning and the blankets sort of smelled, but it would do for now. 

“Yeah,” you replied, hand hesitating on the handle. “It’s not so bad. The owner is kind of creepy, and my roommate sucks but it’s a bed. I don’t need much.” 

Mark was looking at you as if he didn’t believe a word you said. You saw his jaw working as he stared at the building, then averted his eyes back to you. Slowly, he shook his head. 

“You’re not staying there. Just… why don’t you come stay with me? I have a free second bedroom.” 

You shook your head. “No, no. Mark, seriously. I’m fine. It’s really okay, it’s just a place to sleep,” you said, repeating the mantra you’d been repeating to yourself each day before entering the hostel. Honest to god, it sucked. But you weren’t about to mooch off of someone else - you were determined to be on your own and that meant you wouldn’t take any favors. 

“Seriously, Y/N,” he started, his voice turning gravely serious. “It might be a place to sleep, but I can see the termites from here. Come stay with me.” 

“Mark,” you said, voice equally serious. “It’s okay. Don’t worry about me. I’ll text you if I have any questions about the tattoo, okay?”

You reached for the door handle once more and this time, Mark just watched as you climbed out of the car, turning just before you shut the door. 

“Thank you again. I mean it,” you told him, forcing a smile that you hoped looked natural. 

Mark’s face was a mixture of emotions that you couldn’t quite place. He was still worried about you, but for now at least, he’d given up. He didn’t look pleased with you, either. His knuckles were white where they held the steering wheel. 

He muttered a ‘you’re welcome’ before you shut the door. 

Turning towards the hostel, you took a deep breath and steeled yourself for another night in hell. 

-- -- -- -- --

You woke up, as usual, with sweat dripping down your neck and a kink in your lower back. You groaned, twisting your upper body in an effort to stretch as much as you could in the tiny bunk. It was a shit hole, you could at least accept that now. 

The owner of the hostel had a no-closed-doors rule, which honestly, you felt was a little bit suspicious considering the fact that the bathrooms were also co-ed. But things were different in the city, you figured. Maybe privacy wasn’t such a big deal. 

There were people talking loudly in the hallway, an American couple having an argument that apparently, couldn’t have been held outside or maybe a few hours later. You had to work tonight, and you’d been hoping to get eight hours of sleep for once. 

Rubbing your eyes, you sat up, your head just shy of smacking into the wooden frame of the bed above you. You unplugged your phone, finding two texts from Taehyung, one from your boss, and six from Mark. You opened your brother’s first.

Taehyung [07:04am]: Y/N, it’s been a month already. Stop being a brat and go home. You’ve made your point. Taehyung [07:24am]: At least tell me where you are, please.

You sighed and ran your hand over your face, your eyes falling shut as you tried to push his words out of your mind. He didn’t get it - of course he didn’t. He’d spent his whole life as the star of the family, getting anything and everything he desired. Any dreams he had, he was encouraged to follow them, no matter how crazy they were. Why couldn’t that same kindness extend to you? 

As you always did, you deleted his messages, but not without the usual tinge of guilt. 

You opened your boss’ message next, which was just a photo of your next schedule. A ridiculous amount of hours, but at least you could make up for the money you’d blown on your tattoo. 

Next, you opened Mark’s texts. 

Mark [12:33am]: Y/N, I was serious. That place is a dump and you shouldn’t be staying there Mark [12:35am]: Just come stay with me Mark [12:40am]: Even just for a little while, a couple of weeks Mark [02:03am]: Seriously Mark [02:05am]: I can’t sleep because I’m imagining you being eaten alive by termites Mark [08:03am]: I’m outside. Call me when you wake up

You furrowed your brows, eyes flicking up to the current time. 8:07. He’d only texted you a few minutes ago, then. Hearing your roommate peacefully snoring above you, you slid out of the bed and rushed through the doorway, dodging the couple still going at it in the hallway. 

Once you were in the common area, you called Mark. He picked up right away. 

“Mark, why are you outside?” you asked before he even had a chance to say hello. You couldn’t quite hide the irritation in your voice.

You heard him sigh on the other end. “Are you really asking me that?” 

“I told you, I’m fine.”

You felt a breeze and turned to the front desk, where the owner was standing, his eyes shamelessly roaming your frame. He had a fan pointing directly at you, causing goosebumps to form on your arms and legs. Usually, you slept in more than just a tank top and shorts, but you hadn’t been able to deal with the heat last night. 

“I’m not leaving until you come with me,” Mark said. 

Turning away from the owner, you walked over to the front window, one finger sliding the curtain to the side so that you could peek out. There he was, leaning against his car while he stared up at the building you were in. He looked pissed, which further annoyed you. Why did he care so much?

“I said no,” you told him, your voice as firm as you could make it. Mark rolled his eyes, a subtle smirk to the side of his lips.

“And I’m not accepting no as an answer. Just get your shit and let’s go.” 

You huffed in annoyance, letting the curtain fall closed once more. “Go home, Mark. You’re not my brother.” 

Mark laughed bitterly on the other end. “You’re right, I’m not. Do you want me to call him? ‘Cause I will.”

“No!” you replied quickly, squeezing your eyes shut. “Don’t call him. Please.” 

You were met with silence on the other end for a long moment before Mark replied. “Either you come with me, or I call your brother and tell him you’re staying in an infested hole in the ground. It’s up to you.”

Taking in a shaky breath, you opened your eyes, running your fingers through your hair. You didn’t get why he cared so much, or why he couldn’t just leave you alone and go on with his life. “Fine. Give me twenty minutes.” 

“Ten,” Mark said. “I’m hungry and I don’t feel like waiting that long.”

You rolled your eyes, not granting him a response before you disconnected the call. 

Needless to say, you took your sweet time as you gathered all of your things, tossing them into your duffel bag without any sense of organization. You weren’t quiet, either, figuring it was only fair if your roommate lost a few winks of sleep after all she’d put you through. 

By the time you were walking out the front door to the car, Mark’s lips were set into a deep frown, eyebrows creased as he watched you. 

“Don’t look at me like that. You’re going to get wrinkles,” you told him, tossing your bag into the already opened trunk. “In fact, you probably already have some, old man.”

“The hell are you wearing?” Mark asked, crossing his arms over his chest. 

You looked down at your clothes. You hadn’t taken the time to change out of your pajamas, simply because you were worried Mark would storm in if you took too long. 

“It was hot last night,” you tried, tugging the hem of your tank top down. Mark scoffed and walked around to the driver’s side of the car, muttering something to himself that you couldn’t catch. 

Once you slid into the passenger’s seat, Mark handed you an iced coffee. It was only slightly melted, and you had to admit, it was just what you needed.

“How did you know I’d come with you?” you asked, taking a sip while Mark turned the key in the ignition. 

“What?” he asked, barely paying attention to you as he pulled out onto the street. 

“You got two coffees. What if I said no?”

Mark glanced over at you, his lips pulled into a cocky smirk. “It wasn’t an option. If you said no, I was going to walk in there and make a scene until you came with me.” 

It was your turn to cross your arms over your chest as you leaned back against the seat. You wanted to ask him why it mattered to him where you were staying, but at the end of the day you knew why he cared. Your mom had taken him under her wing when he was a kid, even if you were too young to remember it. 

Your family had fed and clothed him when his parents were too drugged out to remember they had a child to take care of. In a way, you figured, Mark felt a duty to repay the favor somehow. Or maybe he was just a controlling asshole - you couldn’t be sure. 

“I’m not a kid,” you said under your breath, leaning your head against the cold glass of the window.

Mark didn’t respond, and you had to admit you were grateful. You didn’t need one more person telling you you were too young to know what you wanted, too inexperienced to make your own decisions. That was how you’d gotten into this situation in the first place. 

You finished your coffee by the time Mark pulled up to his apartment building. Compared to the hostel you’d just left, it was practically a five-star hotel. Nothing fancy, but from here you could tell all four exterior walls were in good shape and even that was an upgrade. 

You got out of the car, grabbing your bag from the back seat. Just as you went to follow Mark into the building, he stopped in front of you and turned around. 

“Look, I’m sorry if I was kind of an asshole. I just,” he paused to chew at his lip, scratching the back of his head. “I felt like I had a responsibility. To your family, your parents…”

Mark trailed off and you couldn’t help the guilt you felt in your stomach. You were still a child when Mark was going through the worst of it, but you’d heard enough from eavesdropping on your parents’ conversations to know they quite literally saved his life. 

You swallowed, wanting to reach out, but you resisted. At the end of the day, you hardly knew him, despite the connection you felt. 

“It’s okay. I appreciate that you care… I guess I was just determined to do this on my own. Without anybody’s help,” you admitted. 

Mark lifted his eyes to yours. “Sometimes you need to let people help.”

Like I did. You heard it, unspoken, in his words. Maybe you could have done it on your own, but it would be a hell of a lot easier if you accepted a helping hand from Mark. 

“Fine,” you breathed. “But only for a few weeks. And I’m gonna cook and clean for you to earn my keep.”

Mark laughed as you brushed past him, shaking his head at you. “You don’t have to ask me twice. How about you start with breakfast? I’m still hungry, you know.” 

[boop-le-snoot]

PARTY FAVOURS I CHAPTER 16

First time reader click here

Summary/TWs: Trouble is brewing. Canon-typical violence, graphic descriptions of wounds and Clint whump. Bad, terrible, no-good medical accuracy. Aliens. Reader is an anxious genius with low self-esteem and PTSD. ✨spicy sadness✨

From now on, chapters will be posted un-beta-ed. She's taking a lil break. 💖💝✨

I liked to think I had made peace with the fact that my boys and girls had one hell of a dangerous job. Natasha, Clint, Steve and Bucky frequently left for missions and while I missed their usual bickering in the background, it wasn't like the tower's common room became absolutely quiet. The fact that they mostly did recon-only missions helped, too, as they would come home unharmed and in one piece. The worry was there but subtle - like setting the table and including silverware for the people who were gone on a mission.

Peter's patrols went less smoothly, usually. He was small and even in his spider-suit, the boy was frequently underestimated by common thugs. Apparently, they didn't know how to read the news - it was blatantly obvious the hero was enhanced. And yet somehow, Pete more often than not sported all sorts of bruises, scratches and tears.

Tony and I routinely tore out our hair over the spiderboy's carelessness. The engineer had a funny way of showing he cared for Peter. Once I got to know him better, my brain dubbed them as Irondad and Spiderson. And it wasn't weird at all, somehow, that I was basically fucking my best friend's dad. Tony never made me uncomfortable, if anything, he went to great lengths to accommodate my whims. Tony continuously found time for me, answered my dumb questions and soldiered through the shenanigans I got up to after having too much caffeine and too little sleep.

Sitting in the quiet, empty common room was unnerving. It was shortly after dinner time - the evening news skipped their usual political debate in favour of the battle that was raging downtown, the reason for my headache and wrung hands.

I missed Tony's running mouth. The aliens the team was fighting looked quite hilarious, murderous intentions aside, and I could only imagine the way Tony and Clint would mock them. Hentai rejects. Tentacle porn knock-offs. The aliens were squid-like, about half the size of a human and very, very slippery, from what I spied on the TV.

An irritated-looking Stephen had me equal parts apprehensive and drooling - one after another, he conjured up a series of small portals, teleporting the aggressive octopods only god knew where. It would have looked incredibly badass if not for the exhausted sheen of sweat I could see on his brow, even despite the camera footage being shaky and grainy.

The news footage showed Tony - Iron Man, soaring contentedly through the darkening skies and taking out the squirmy mass of tentacles with his plasma beam repulsors. Steve and Bucky and Loki appeared too, sporadically, being well-oiled murder machines. Nothing new.

Yet, I worried. The little worm of doubt was squirming full-force. I tried to ignore it, yet pacing, sitting and playing Candy Crush got me nowhere. I pestered Friday to order pizza, the team's usual post-mission order plus a large one for me - stress-eating was better than stress-popping-molly in a tower full of superheroes. It took some courage to admit to myself I'd gotten attached enough to be this much from running away from all that in a blind panic.

And it would be the best option for them, really, because they had much sensible things to worry about than me. Yet every time, my selfishness won against even the most logical arguments I presented. I hated fighting myself but it was all I did - not only I was in love with Tony, I loved him.

Even when he forgot about my existence for five days, to emerge from his workshop with a new piece of tech that revolutionised one or another or something else. I loved him when he annoyed the ever living fuck out of everybody, me included, because I knew that it was hilarious to see people getting riled up over totally trivial shit. I loved Tony Stark when he ran away from his feelings, and everybody else's, because he never managed to run far enough. Or he didn't want to. I loved him, because he was like a multilayered puzzle, complex and captivating and beautiful.

I thought a lot about it, more than people would have noticed. For someone as selfish and goal-oriented as me, Tony lived in my head rent-free most of the time. And nobody would find out if I had the choice because let's face it, I'm a short cameo in his life. I'm a fuckin' catch and even then, I can't expect to hold his attention forever. His genius is too brilliant to settle for one when he could easily have the whole damn world.

Another hour consisted of me pacing and accompanying the pizza delivery boys to the common floor. It was hilarious - they were obviously star-struck about walking the same carpet as their heroes. I could see the faint hope of meeting one of the Avengers in their eyes, their posture. All they got was me - in my sweatpants, Tony's tee and no bra. My tits got the attention they deserved, at least.

My lounging was interrupted by a golden circle noisily appearing in the middle of the room, followed by Clint abruptly falling through it with a pained moan. I froze, the pizza in my mouth turning to ash - Strange poked his head through the hole in space, finding my eyes. He looked exhausted.

"Help him, I don't have much time," He breathed and disappeared, closing the portal behind himself.

The pizza piece flew back in the box as I stumbled, jumped over the headrest, kneeling beside Clint in no time. "Bird, tell me what hurts," I demanded. Not that I had a clue what to do. I mean, I knew basic first aid and...

"My leg," He gritted out, curling in on himself. Fear flooded me, limbs turning to lead. Hawk had a good pain tolerance, I knew he could break an arm and not utter a single syllable until he thought it safe to showcase his vulnerability. "That squid motherfucker stung me, I don't know. My whole body is on fire," His speech was slurred.

I nodded, deciding to limit the touching to only the necessary actions. The leg of his pants was torn and the wound itself was shaped like a whip mark, thin and red and angry. It oozed a yellowish pus-like substance, it smelled bitter, almost like stale water and seaweed salad. I didn't know much about aliens but jellyfish stings, I could work with. A short Google check later, I had an approximate plan.

"Friday, run diagnostics." I ordered, taking a deep breath and filing away the fear, the panic and anxiety for later.

"Mr. Barton has a wound that appears to be contaminated with an unknown chemical that is causing an adverse reaction. The elevated body temperature suggests that his immune system is fighting it. I would suggest a blood test to examine the offending specimens."

A blood draw? I could do that. I definitely, absolutely, could do that.

"Bird, Clint, did you hear that?" I gently touched his shoulder only for him to recoil from my hand, muttering unintelligibly. "Pretty bird, I'm going to help you. Let me." My bedside manner needed improvement - with brain running a mile a minute, I babbled utter nonsense as Friday directed me to the needed supplies. Getting the blood was a feat on it's own - I had to physically sit on top of Clint to get but a tiny vial of the red liquid.

A few tears escaped the emotional fortress I had to build within myself. Clint was in so, so much pain - pain I was inadvertently making worse by touching him. I sprinted to Bruce's lab, feeding the sample to be analysed by Friday, tearing through the room in a hurricane. First aid kit, IV, saline, antibiotics. Restraints, too, just in case.

"Analysis complete. The contaminant appears to be acting similarly to a parasitic infection with a short life-span. Primarily feeds on copper, iron and various metals contained in the human body. Does not appear to reproduce or multiply, my algorithms cannot determine the cause of said behaviour. Calculating..." Friday's mechanical voice paused. "I have calculated the approximate duration of Mr. Barton's symptoms. Onset of critical stage in one to three hours. Complete extinction of parasitic organisms in approximately sixty hours."

"Fri, do you think I have a chance of saving Clint before he goes crazy from pain? And have you figured out what's causing it?" My brain was all over the place.

"I have the best faith in you, miss." The AI sounded almost... Comforting? "I am still running multiple diagnostics. My algorithms suggest the organisms may be attacking the nerve endings - reason unclear."

An idea struck me. A crazy, brash, absurd idea. The pathogen was alien and we didn't have antibiotics to kill it. Even if I gave Clint some sort of medicine, it could go awry really really quickly. Besides, wasn't there a medical team for this..?

"Friday, alert the medical suite."

"Request denied. Per Mr. Stark's protocols, only Sir himself and Dr. Banner are authorized to request medical assistance in case of alien pathogen contamination."

"Fuck. Fuck, that makes no fuckin' sense!" I yelled helplessly. "Okay, do you have blood matching Clint's type laying around?" I asked sarcastically. This protocol pissed me off. What was Tony scared of? That someone would steal alien germs? Too late for that, there were plenty of samples all over the sidewalks downtown.

"A-positive, blue refrigerator, top shelf." Friday's answer was curt.

My hands shook. My whole body shook. Clint was laying in fetal position right where I'd left him and the man wasn't looking better - he became paler, dark circles under his eyes, clammy sweat breaking on every exposed part of his skin. Moving him was out of the question - Clint violently recoiled from me once I tried to touch him.

Reluctantly, I dragged the dining room chairs and piled up whatever heavy things I could on top of them, praying to every god that they would hold a trained man trash around in pain. Then, came the restraints. Belts with clips unlike one could see in a movie with a psych ward. I fumbled with them, then with Clint - very slowly, but I got both of his arms fastened and the man rolled onto his back.

"Wwhat... S'appening..?" Hawk finally slurred, cracking his eyes to see my (probably) disheveled and panicked face.

"This is going to hurt, I won't lie. A lot," I rambled, setting up the tools needed for both a blood draw and a blood transfusion. "I'm not a doctor. I'm not a scientist. You have alien parasites in your blood. I'm going to get rid of em," I announced, not mentioning the fact that I had to Google all the things I was going to do to him.

"S'okay, I trust you," Clint slurred again, moving about much more weakly than before. The tips of his fingers began to turn blue and the blood vessels on his face stood out in a pink-purple web. Not good.

My finest thinking moment: laying out some tarp around the archer and putting on gloves and a mask to minimize the possibility of getting infected. I started with the wound first, carefully wiping away the yellowish goop and immediately sealing it into a biohazard container. Some alcohol around the edges, the wound began emanating a faint wisp of smoke as Clint yelled hoarsely. I didn't even react - man, aliens and their germs were fuckin' weird.

Another biohazard container traveled next to Clint's arm. I had a disposable scalpel in one hand and my courage in another - it was now or never. The vein I was cutting was a minor one, but with Clint's body in total disarray, it was an ugly fountain of pinkish-purple liquid that spurted from it. I was no doctor but blood shouldn't have looked like that.

I stared at the timer on my phone. Twenty seconds, thirty, fifty. Eighty seconds, the blood was beginning to have more of a red hue. Clint's breathing slowed, tremors subsiding by a smidgen. One hundred and eighty seconds, the stream was a healthy deep red colour. With a swift motion, I wrapped up the wound, folded his arm, tied off the blood flow higher up his arm with a spare restraint. Clint wasn't moving much anymore; my hand that periodically checked his pulse shook but dutifully did it's job. His heart was working steady.

Compared to having to drain a friend of his blood, setting up the IV with a transfusion was a walk in the park. My mind was empty of any thoughts but for the actions needed to complete the process.

The container with contaminated blood, closed, sealed and put in a plastic bag, along with the gloves and the tarp. My own exposed flesh, meticulously scrubbed with alcohol until the skin became red and raw. All the instruments, Clint's pants, my clothes - in the bag.

The archer himself was laying still, his breathing steady and calm, face no longer looking like he was one step away from the grave. After undoing the restraints, I wiped down every surface we touched with Tony's vodka - rubbing alcohol had run out and I was too emotionally drained to go downstairs and leave Clint for too long. Whenever the booze collided with a stray drop of blood, a wispy smoke emerged. Such an interesting reaction. Part of me couldn't wait to examine the phenomena together with Bruce. The other part was considering the possibility of having a panic attack in a seafood restaurant.

"Fri, keep an eye- a sensor on Clint for me, will ya? I need a shower and some pants," I denounced tiredly, padding to the communal shower. I found respite, however brief, under the steam for a few minutes. Then I found Tony's old tee and a pair of someone's sweats - I didn't care whose. Post-stress adrenaline shivers had me feeling stark naked in the middle of Alaska despite the room being a toasty, comfortable temperature according to the digital thermostat.

Now I just had to think about what to tell the team.

Propping Clint's head on a decorative pillow and covering him with a soft fleece blanket was the least I could have done for the long suffering archer. The floor was hard but I sat next to him, running a hand through his matted hair, my brain an incomprehensible mess.

✨ TAGLIST OF MY LOVELIES (OPEN) ✨

@another-stark-sub ​ @mostly-marvel-musings  @vozit @littlegasps ​ @pilloclock ​ @shereadsinquiet @downeyreads ​ @hermione-grangers-wife ​ @individualistfem ​ @sleep-i-ness @capbrie @lillsxd @agustdowney @dee-vn @justanotherblonde23 @fanngirl19 @persephonehemingway @softie-socks @schemefrenzy @letsby

[thisissirius]

Siri, wow, can I have Buddie with Royal AU and Soulmate AU? I love your writing!

this made me so happy! i am here for this combo ;)

blink and almost miss eddie/buck, soulmates, royalty au

Trying to escape from his bodyguards is becoming a full time job.

Lucky for Buck, he’s been doing it since he was a toddler. Bobby never learns, always puts bodyguards with too much spine on Buck duty, as if he doesn’t already know Buck hates those types. 

“it’s for your protection,” Athena always says with raised eyebrows. 

Buck gets crushed one time in a freak accident and suddenly everyone wants him kept in bubble wrap. Under wraps. Heh. 

The pier is packed with people—Buck doesn’t pick his battles as well as he evades bodyguards and press—and Buck navigates them easily. Most people don’t pay him any notice, which works for him, and he manages to hover around a couple of stalls without getting his picture splashed onto social media. 

Buck catches sight of a kid with crutches on his own, looking at the people around him. When he was a kid, fresh in the state, Buck remembers getting lost because his bodyguards have always sucked, and he knows how terrifying it can be. He can’t help himself; he jogs up to the kid. “Hey, you alright?”

The kid immediately looks up, face shifting between emotions quickly. “My dad says I shouldn’t talk to strangers.”

“And he is absolutely correct,” Buck says, trying to think of something that will help him get this kid found. 

The boy’s eyes widened. “You’re the prince.”

“Ssh,” Buck says, pressing a finger to his lips and crouching down. He doesn’t think anyone around them has heard; nobody’s immediately stopping and demanding his attention. “Let’s keep that a secret for now, okay? Think we can catch up with your school?”

There’s a moment’s hesitation. “I’m not here with my school. Ms. Ingrid takes care of me when my Daddy works. She gets mad I can’t keep up.”

Buck feels a momentary flash of anger but covers it with a grin. “Do you know if Ms. Ingrid has a phone number we can call?”

“No,” the boy says. “She doesn’t give it to me. She says I’m too stupid to remember but my dad says I’m smart.”

Buck’s chest tightens further with anger but he crouches down, gives Chris the brightest smile he can. “I think I believe your dad, buddy. Do you know if he has a number?”

“Yes,” the kid says brightly, then his face falls. “It’s in my coat and Ms. Ingrid left it in the car.”

Ms. Ingrid is definitely Buck’s least favourite person. “Well, I’m gonna call some people myself, alright? Wanna find somewhere to sit until they get here and help us find your dad?”

“Okay,” the kid says. “He’s a firefighter but I don’t know where.”

Filing the knowledge away where he’ll probably never use it, Buck finds a nearby bench and directs the kid to it. He doesn’t know the protocol for this kind of thing, and if anyone sees, they might think he’s kidnapping the kid or something. He’ll cross that bridge when he comes to it. “My name’s Buck.”

“I thought it was Evan,” the kid says, tilting his head back.

“My friends call me Buck,” Buck says carefully. 

The boy’s smile is blinding. “My friends call me Chris! My name’s Chris. Except when my dad’s mad or worried.”

Buck laughs gently; yeah, he knows those kinds of problems. “My dad gets like that too.”

Chris nods. “My dad says King Bobby is awesome.”

“That he is,” Buck says. He can’t wait to use that particular adjective on Bobby. “Right, let me just call for help, okay?”

Chris seems content to sit next to him on the bench, watching people go by. Buck pulls out his phone and bypasses his bodyguards, going straight for Hen. She’s managed to dig him out of several scrapes and he kinda needs her advice.

“—Why I even bother!” Hen’s yelling decreases and Buck gives Chris a funny look. Chris giggles and Buck hears Hen’s sigh. “That the kid?”

“Yep,” Buck says. “I don’t know where his chaperone is and I know people are starting to notice me. Any chance we can find this kid’s parents?”

“Just dad,” Chris adds helpfully. “Eddie Diaz, and he’s a firefighter. Mom’s dead.”

Buck’s heart lurches painfully. “I’m sorry to hear that, buddy.”

“It’s okay a lot of the time,” Chris says, though he looks a little sad. “Dad makes it more okay.”

There’s clacking from the other end of the phone and Buck tunes back into the conversation, keeping a hand on Chris’ shoulders. “Found him. I’ll call him and the cops. Please stay where you are.”

That means bodyguards. Buck rolls his eyes, but does as he’s told and waits.  

It takes about ten minutes for help to arrive in the form of Buck’s bodyguards. Bobby’s gonna be having people fired at the end of this, but Buck’s glad to have some friendly faces around. Thankfully, they don’t try to hustle him off the pier, and Buck assumes Hen’s contacted them and managed to get things under control.

Not long after, the cops arrive with an unimpressed Chim.

“What the hell?”

“Look,” Buck starts.

“No, I don’t wanna hear it,” Chim says, pinching the bridge of his nose. “Cops, Buck, really?”

“It’s fine,” Buck stresses. “Whoever’s chaperoning Chris—”

“That would be me,” an unimpressed voice says. 

Chris shifts closer to Buck and whispers, “That’s Ms. Ingrid.”

“Christopher,” Ingrid says, and Buck hates her on sight. “What have I said about wandering off?”

“I didn’t,” Chris starts. 

“And lying,” Ms. Ingrid stresses. She looks at Buck—and he sees the flicker that she recognizes him—but immediately turns to the cops. “This man is kidnapping!”

“Hey now,” Buck says. 

“No he isn’t!” Chris cries. 

“I highly doubt that,” a new voice puts in.   

Buck looks up and fuck, that is one handsome man. He’s striding through the crowd, anger clear on his face, and Chris immediately perks up from behind Buck. 

“Dad!” 

The man sweeps in, hugs Christopher tightly, and Buck’s heart hammers against his chest for reasons he can’t explain. “Christopher.”

“Told you,” Chris says, looking up at Buck, and Buck can’t help laughing. He stops as soon as Chris’ dad stands, eyes narrowing. It takes a beat, two for him to realize who he’s staring at. 

“Oh shit,” he says. “Uh, I mean, your Highness.”

“Oh god, don’t,” Buck groans. “Listen, it’s—” 

“Dad,” Chris says, smiling widely, “this is Buck! He stopped me getting lost when Ms. Ingrid went ahead and—”

“I did not,” Ingrid stresses. 

Chris’ dad—Eddie, apparently—looks thunderous. “This isn’t the first time.”

Ingrid bristles, and Buck ignores Chim’s warning look to interject. “Chris was by himself,” he says, quietly when Eddie turns the full force of his gaze on him. It sends a shiver up Buck’s spine and makes him want to do whatever it’ll take to get Eddie to stay. What. The fuck. Ignoring it, Buck continues. “I didn’t know what else to do but have someone call you.”

“I appreciate it,” Eddie says.   

“Bo—your father is going to kill you,” Hen says, coming up behind Chim. Buck groans internally. Now that they’re both here, Buck’s in a world of trouble.

“It wasn’t Buck’s fault,” Chris says immediately. “He was helping me!”

Hen looks amused more than irritated, and Buck grins, knows Chris is winning her over already. Maybe she won’t eviscerate him once this is over. “Is that right?”

Chris nods. “Please don’t be mad, Ma’am. Dad says we should be grateful to people who help us.”

“Should we?” Hen says.

Chris’ dad flushes, hands on Christopher’s shoulders. “Buddy, I think we should—”

“Please don’t go,” Buck says immediately. He knows how it sounds and can feel his own cheeks heat up. “Let me sort things with the cops and then we can talk or something, I just want—”

“I don’t think that’s a good idea,” Hen and Christopher’s dad say at the same time.

Buck deflates, crouching down in front of Chris. “I’m glad we met, buddy.”

“Me too,” Chris says, looking sad. “Am I allowed to hug a prince?”

Though his bodyguards might throw a fit, Buck doesn’t give a fuck. “You absolutely are.”

Chris moves forward a step, wrapping his arms around Buck’s shoulders. Buck squeezes him gently, breathing in a scent that’s oddly familiar, though he can’t pinpoint how. When he pulls back, he gives Chris a bright smile. 

“I’m glad I met you, Christopher.”

“Me too.” Chris says. “I wish we could be friends for longer.”

Buck feels something settle in his chest, an uncomfortably tight feeling. “Yeah. But you have to do something, alright? Make sure you always keep smiling and definitely make sure to take care of your dad.” 

Chris nods and Buck doesn’t know what to make of the indecipherable look on Eddie’s face.

“This is ridiculous,” Ingrid snaps. “He doesn’t get accused of kidnapping because he’s a prince?”

“I didn’t kidnap him,” Buck puts in. 

“Hey,” Eddie says, stepping between Buck and Ingrid. “I left Chris in your care and you abused it. I won’t be paying for today’s session and you can guarantee I won’t be sending Chris to you again.”

“We have a contract,” Ingrid starts. 

“Voided,” Hen cuts in. “If you like, we can talk about it with the cops.” Placing a hand on Ingrid’s shoulder, Hen steers her away and Buck lets out a slow breath.

Eddie’s still standing in front of him looking angry and Buck wants to wipe the expression off his face. 

“Thank you.”

“For what?” Eddie asks, genuinely surprised. 

“You didn’t have to step in. For all you know, I could have kidnapped your kid.”

“You didn’t,” Eddie says immediately.

Buck doesn’t want to argue, he doesn’t, but his mouth is already saying, “how do you know,” before he can stop it.

There’s a strange expression on Eddie’s face, like he’s not sure himself, but he’s shaking it off. “Chris says you didn’t. I trust my son.”

“Then I’m glad I met Chris,” Buck says, smiling down at Chris, who grins. “You have a pretty awesome kid, Mr. Diaz.”

“Eddie.” Making a face, Eddie’s lips quirk up into a soft smile. “I’m only Mr. Diaz when I have to be.”

Buck laughs at that, though he doesn’t know why; it’s not particularly funny. Something about Eddie puts him instantly at ease. “Well, it was nice to meet you, Eddie.”

“You too,” Eddie says, holding his hand. 

It’s easy enough for Buck to place his hand in Eddie’s with every intent to shake it. As soon as their palms touch, Buck feels hot, his body burning from head to foot. He can’t stop staring at Eddie, who’s watching him back, mouth open, eyes wide. Buck wants to get lost in them, can’t help but move forward. Eddie meets him halfway, free hand coming up to touch Buck’s cheek. Every place they touch has Buck tingling and he breathes out a soft noise. 

Eddie moves forward, crashing his lips to Buck’s. It’s instantaneous, the build up of emotion and it rushes in, fills every part of Buck’s head until he’s dizzy with it. He’s accepting the bond, he knows, letting Eddie consume him, and Eddie’s doing the same otherwise it wouldn’t work and he—

“Uh,” he says when he wakes up.

“Idiot,” a familiar voice replies. Chim, Buck thinks, cracking open one eye. “Wake up, Princess.”

“Prince, actually,” Buck says, and his head is pounding. “What happened?”

There’s enough of a silence that Buck opens his eyes. He’s laying on the ground. Wood. Sounds of the pier rush in at the same time the memories do and he jerks up, frantically looking for Eddie. 

“I’m right here,” Eddie assures him, and there’s a hand on the back of his head. “You passed out.”

“Oops,” Buck says, and closes his eyes again. “I think I’m gonna throw up.”

There’s a soft press of lips to his head. Buck tingles. Eddie breathes. “Is that normal?”

“I don’t know,” Chim says, sounding put-out. “Hen’s the soulbond expert.”

“Oh,” Buck says. “We bonded.”

Another silence.

“I don’t mind,” Buck says, groping around, satisfied when Eddie’s fingers tangle with his. 

“I’m a widower,” Eddie says gently, his voice low. When Buck opens his eyes again, trying to ignore the swirl of anxiety deep in his chest that he knows doesn’t belong to him, he can see the fear on Eddie’s face. Eddie swallows, looks over to Chris, who’s being looked after by an attentive Hen. “I have a kid and a shit ton of baggage.”

Buck knows what this is and he doesn’t like it. He leans in, forehead against Eddie’s shoulder and thankfully, Chim leaves them to it. “I don’t care.”

“Evan—” 

“Buck,” Buck says helplessly. 

Eddie sounds worried, but Buck can feel his heart pounding beneath his cheek, an emotion strong in Eddie’s mind that Buck doesn’t dare name. “Buck.”

“I get it’s a lot,” Buck says quietly. “I’m a prince and I’m—well I’m sure you know.”

“I read things,” Eddie admits, hand resting on the back of Buck’s head. He starts stroking, gently, and Buck wants it forever. “I don’t know you.”

“We can learn.” Buck doesn’t want to pull back, but he needs to look Eddie in the eye. “If you want.”

Eddie’s smile could light a thousand dark days. “Alright.”

“Good,” Buck says and leans in, kisses Eddie again. It’ll never get old, he thinks, and then looks up as the clatter of crutches on wood drags his attention away from what Eddie tastes like. 

“Buck!” Chris pauses. “Are you okay?”

“I am now, Chris,” Buck assures him. 

Chris looks at Eddie, then Buck, then back to Eddie. “Is Buck your friend, Dad?”

“I think it’s a little more complicated than that,” Hen says, looking at Buck pointedly.

“Bobby’s going to kill me,” Buck groans.

“As in King Bobby?” Eddie says, going instantly pale.

Buck nods. 

“Oh, shit, you’re a prince,” Eddie says. 

“Yeah.” Buck speaks slowly. “You know this.”

“Does this make Dad a prince too?” 

Oh. Oh shit, Buck’s going to die.   

Chim raises his eyebrows. “Oh no, neither of you are going anywhere. We’re going back to the palace to explain this.”

“Yay,” Chris cheers. 

“Awesome,” Buck says, heavy with sarcasm. 

“I think I’m gonna throw up,” Eddie replies.

Buck stares at him, feels the thrum of fear from Eddie. Beneath it is a rush of warmth, pride, and adoration. Love, Buck thinks. It’s love. “We’re gonna be fine,” he blurts, hopeful.

It takes a moment, but Eddie nods, touching Buck’s face again. “Yeah. Yeah, we are.”

[bisexualhobi]

wait I think I agree not today is really bad but now rank all their title tracks from best to worst pls

lmaoohdksjjdjf i love this question so much anon but due to the fact that i’m me this would get way WAY too long. so i’m doing the top 5 best title tracks and then top 5 worst ones okay? i’m looking at google and apparently they have 26 korean singles so yeah that’s too much.

to rank them as objectively as possible I'm gonna try to take into account gp impact (which is not the same as chart impact since the fandom inflates those numbers), production, creative value (how innovative/different from other pop songs was it?) and the concept of the music video/aesthetic in general. 

BTS TITLE TRACKS: TOP 5

5. Black Swan (2020)

am I cheating by putting here a pre release single? maybe. but it would be a disservice to leave this one out so bear with me

⭐gp impact: this song made more noise as a pre release single than the title track. I saw it in at least 3 end of the year editorials for best kpop songs of 2020. and the thing is it could have been WAY bigger but a lot of stuff happened that sadly made it go away too soon. I don't think this one is as famous or recognizable as the others in this list which is why it's going last, but also I think this song is the most underrated gem in bts discography so it's still going here.

⭐production: this song beat out the front runners (I need u, save me, DNA) solely because of its production. there are not a lot of kpop songs out there that manage to pull off what this song does. it's powerful, it's nostalgic, it's a dark and sexy song without being too on the nose. the mixing is SUPERB I remember the first time I heard it I thought "this would blow the fuck up if it was a Travis Scott song" and I will DIE on that hill. this is an example of heavy autotune on a song done right, not like the rest of their super autotuned songs that sometimes come out unrecognizable and empty sounding.

⭐creative value: it's not truly a new concept in pop to make a song about the Death of the Artist. it’s also not something a rookie group can do, this song needed to be released at exactly the time in bts’ career that it was. there’s just no emotional impact if you just sing about how the music makes your hear beat and you’ve been in the industry for,,, 3 years. this is the type of Swan Song you release at the peak of your career, so that really contributes to the message. mixing a trap beat with a ballet motif is GALAXY BRAIN SHIT.

⭐️concept: the ballet influence is just beautifully executed, this song is a beautiful piece of craftsmanship on all fronts. i think they could literally build an entire ALBUM off this concept, so the fact that they jampacked it onto one single song is both amazing and a little sad for me. i wanna hear more of this. i want a literal Black Swan (the darren aranofsky movie) horror concept where the protagonist falls prey to his own madness because he strives for perfection. but yeah, the song itself and the orchestral version just make this a complete golden concept in my book.

4. IDOL (2018).

⭐️gp impact: i think a lot of people that didn’t know anything about kpop vaguely knew about this song when it was released. i know i wasn’t into kpop at all but in my pop culture circle there was a small bleep from this song bc of the concept and the dance. i think it’s a great “embassador of kpop” track, like if you wanna explain to someone with no previous knowledge what kpop is about you can show them a performance of this song.

⭐️production: the production is a little all over the place for me. the instrumentals are amazing and really creative tho, but like in terms of mixing vocals and the structure of it, it might be a little too grating. it’s not the best produced song in ly: answer by any means but it still makes it work

⭐️creative value: the whole hanbok thing is a 10/10. bts weren’t the first ones to do it, but they did it in such a tightly executed way that honestly that “classic korean roots meets the edgy western feel” concept belongs to them now. groups are still recreating it. it’s a really innovative concept in general.

⭐️concept: the music video is,,,, something. you might love it or hate it, but it’s memorable. i think the purposeful way in which they made it as loud and brilliant as possible can be taken either as a camp adjacent or just as the group going nuts with the budget, which props to them. the choreography is also a BIG plus. the south african influence is really well executed and they made sure to do it as cultural appreciation and not appropriation. definitely the most memorable thing from this song is the choreo

3. Run (2015).

⭐️gp impact: this was their second song to have a music show win. it was the lead single from hyyh pt2 and honestly it might be the best song off hyyh as a whole. it cemented bts as not just another kpop group, because it made non fans turn their heads too! from what i gather this really propelled them forward and made the fanbase grow a lot.

⭐️production: hyyh pt2 is super well produced. i feel like this song in particular makes a fine job of mixing the vocals but it’s not outstanding. the best part is the instrumentals. but overall it’s a really good song with amazing lyrics and a great melody.

⭐️creative value: this built off of what they did with pt1 so they were already in a comfortable place, when they found this sound they really explored it well and deep and it works! i’m glad they went this emo pop route because it was a good contrast to what was dominating the charts in kpop in 2015.

⭐️concept: the aesthetic is PERFECT. there’s not a single other thing that i could add or that i wanted gone. it’s the perfect mix of coming of age teen film and heartfelt, dreamy pop. the music video is by no surprises the favorite mv of a lot of the fandom. the cinematography is beautiful and the song and the video perfectly capture that fleeting moment in life when you’re in the brink of adulthood.

2. Mic Drop (2017).

⭐️gp impact: this song was the first bts song to chart on the billboard hot100. back when the fandom had no idea how to chart, mass buy etc. that’s enough said. (personally i think mic drop is the quintessential bts song and their best release so the fact that i’m not putting it first should count as something).

⭐️production: for the purposes of this ranking i’m using the original mic drop and not the steve aoki remix even tho it was the steve remix that was released as the single. the song has the BEST mastering i’ve heard in kpop. the transitions are flawless, the beat is pure fire, the entire first minute is literally the hardest hype rap i’ve heard in kpop. everything about it WORKS.

⭐️creative value: it’s kinda funny how this song got released the same year as kendrick lamar’s humble, because imho it’s the best hiphop song of that year after humble. 2017 was truly the year of the diss tracks. bonus points for including it right after the billboard acceptance speech skit in ly: answer. SUPER refreshing among the ed sheeran type of pop that dominated that year.

⭐️concept: it’s a great concept but not innovative by any means. still, it works and bts managed to exploit it to the max. the choreo, the mv, the styling, everything was amazing!

1. Blood, Sweat & Tears (2016).

⭐️gp impact: it's probably the first song to put bts on the map beyond the kpop sphere. it really set the tone for their 2017. it's one of their most famous and recognizable songs to date.

⭐️production: this song is STUNNINGLY arranged. the mix, the ambience, the progression,,, it's all brought together to make a very well crafted song. it has a distinctive electronic/pop sound to it that still manages to set itself apart from the trend that was going at the time. black swan is probably the closet single they have to this in terms of production.

⭐️creative value: the song itself is very in compliance with the 2015/2016 trend of hype songs with edm influence, (ie. closer, shape of you, cheap thrills, let me love you, something just like this, etc.) but it still packs that punch that makes it sound fresh even for 2021.

⭐️concept: it wasn't the first song to sound like this in kpop ofc but it was the first truly sexy concept for bts. the aesthetic is innovative and very well thought out, the mv is amazing and the choreography too. i read somewhere that j-hope had a lot of input for this choreo so that's amazing. also blond taehyung is literally the best thing to come out of big hit.

WORST BTS TITLE TRACKS

ok so here we go with the worst ones! this is in ascending order as i prepare myself to pick the worst of them all, but please remember this isn’t meant to be mean spirited, i am simply applying the same criteria to their most underwhelming songs but that doesn’t mean they don’t have their own merit! it’s just that out of 26 singles, SOME of them have got to come out at the bottom right?

5. Life Goes On (2020)

⭐gp impact: this song is not memorable with the general public, its #1 on the bb was the product of mass buying and even though it's a feel good song made to comfort fans in the times of pandemic it's still bland and boring. I think it had no music show appearances either, and as far as bts ballads go this is just bottom tier. it’s not that it’s terrible, it’s just very underwhelming 

⭐production: the autotune in this song is very poorly executed, it doesn't add to the song the way black swan does for example. it's just off putting and the melody is really forgettable. it's funny bc the chorus is directly pulled from the 2018 reggaeton super hit "La Canción" by J Balvin and Bad bunny lmaooo 💀 so I can't get that out of my head either. the structure is just fine and has nothing of substance 

⭐creative value: the song is attempts to be a heartfelt acoustic song but it really has nothing that sets it apart from other songs product of the pandemic like Justin and ariana's stuck with u. for a song in a self produced album it's the song with the least input from the group. the lyrics are good, but they're not as sincere or groundbreaking as for example Spring day. 

⭐concept: as a ballad ofc I'm not expecting it to have a grand choreography, and the mv being filmed in their personal dorms to reflect the lockdown is actually a nice touch but besides that there is nothing exciting, innovative or even sincerely comforting about the song and the concept. the greatest thing abt it is the fact that jk directed the video, which is actually pretty good.

4. We are bulletproof pt 2 (2013)

⭐gp impact: this song made no noise back in the day and to this day its just beloved by the fandom due to a sense of nostalgia and "remembering bts' roots". don't get me wrong it's amazing that bts still perform it in the year of our lord 2020 because you can't forget where you came from, but it's not a good or memorable song by any means. 

⭐production: I went back to listen to it for this and oh god. I can't remember the mixing being THIS bad. jimin, jin and taehyung sound exceptionally bad, they don't sound like themselves especially jin. it's just a really poorly mastered song, but then again the rest of their debut album isn't far better. 

⭐creative value: this is straight up ripping off early 2000s black culture from the US. not only the music, the styling for this era in general is unfortunately really bad and culturally appropriating and overall it's a mess. 

⭐concept: there is nothing of substance to be said about this song. it's just really a miss. the mv is terrible, the only thing that can be salvaged from this is the choreography, but besides that the whole thing feels sloppy, rushed and is also kinda cringey.

3. N.O. (2013)

⭐gp impact: no noise. this song was just a really weird pick for their first comeback when attack on bangtan or coffee was right there. not to be mean but no wonder they didn't have a music win this year. 

⭐production: it's an objectively bad song. it's just really underwhelming, the whole mixing feels amateur. it's not a good hiphop song and it's not a good vocal arrangement and the chorus is also a rip off of a late 90s American song I can't find right now 

⭐creative value: this song isn't innovative in any way, it's just..... there. very meh in general, I have nothing more to say about it 

⭐concept: the storyline kinda wants to go somewhere with the music video but it doesn't manage to make a connection. the styling is plain, simple and not flattering at all. it tries to make a protest of the Korean school system but it doesn't say anything beyond "school bad" which we already knew

2. Not Today (2017)

⭐gp impact: its a very middle of the list song for a lot of the fandom. I literally know of no one that claims this as their favorite mv/era/song. when you ask people about their least favorite bts songs they won't mention this one either, you know why? because it's that irrelevant. it had no music show wins either. it's precisely because of this why I put it so high up on the list. there's nothing worse than an unmemorable song, if it was widely hated then at least that would be a response. 

⭐production: it's a really mediocre song in terms of structure and melody. it tried to be hype but it falls short. the chorus feels half finished and the message of the song is just “the revolution has begun”? which okay? but it adds nothing to the You never walk alone album either.

⭐creative value: there is nothing exciting about this song, and the chorus is too grating. the rhythm is repetitive and nothing new either in kpop or pop in general. 

⭐concept: sadly there's not a lot to be said for the song. it says nothing of value and what it says falls flat. there's no innovation. you can actually see a lot of idol in this song, and also ON. those two songs are what this one tried to be but failed.

1. War of Hormone (2014)

⭐gp impact: thankfully none. this song got the treatment it deserved, if they had won a music show for this one it would feel tainted lol. now it's just a meme in the fandom but overall it made zero noise and contributed nothing to bts' evolution 

⭐production: the production is very lazy, which is odd because dark & wild has some pretty tight tracks. but this one is just meh, nothing outstanding and the melody is just annoying 

⭐creative value: this is a song that was probably born out of the desperation to have a gp friendly hit. it tries really hard to replicate an outdated idea of what boy bands should be, and it does it badly. simply put this song is very mediocre and misogynistic and the fact that it's a running gag in the fandom that "feminism isn't important when war of hormone comes on" isn't funny and it's actually cringe. please stop 

⭐concept: the styling is so ugly :( the mv is very low budget which isn't surprising but they managed to make more with less in past releases. it's just embarrassing and I wish this song didn't exist, there's a reason why they never play it anymore lol. overall a dark mistake in bts' career

[silver-rings-and-rabbits]

Open Heart: Second Year

I don’t think I’m saying anything that hasn’t already been said before but this is bugging me like crazy. I don’t use Tumblr very often but I don’t know anyone else who plays Choices, so here I am (I guess spoiler alert for those who haven’t played Open Heart).

Open Heart book 1 is one of my favourite books, possibly even my most favourite. I genuinely couldn’t decide between Bryce, Raf and Ethan. I switch between the male and female MC and I’ve been able to give them different personalities. The book had strong writing and a coherent plot with probably three main storylines: Patient X, Panacea Labs, and Mrs Martinez, which all tied together beautifully at the end. Even all our patients came back in the last chapter.

And then Open Heart: Second Year. Where to start.

Obviously Ethan is our boss, mentor and colleague so he will have a vital role in the story, but why push the other LIs aside? Why can’t Bryce romancers steal a few minutes in the hospital corridors where Bryce gives you a flirty wink and a pat on the butt? Why can’t Jackie romancers sneak into her room every so often?

And let’s get started on Rafael. First of all....what the fuck?

I love a little bit of angst so I wasn’t initially too mad when Sora was introduced (actually I think it made me want Rafael more, because apparently I only like men I can’t have...and I’ve gone off Ethan because he would be too easy). But there was none. Sora appeared in chapter 2, where it’s described as ‘stings a little to watch’, but doesn’t appear again until the baseball game in chapter 8 where they cheer for Edenbrook a couple of times. The only kind of ‘angst’ Rafael romancers got was dancing with Raf at the music festival where Sora is briefly mentioned and MC closes their eyes and listens to Raf’s heartbeat (which was a sweet moment, to be fair). Are you seriously telling me that none of their friends acknowledged that he and MC used to date? That they wouldn’t have asked if MC was OK at least once? That they would have invited Rafael over to the apartment without giving MC a heads up? And when PB was asked about this they gave some crap about making things realistic and exploring the mature themes of a medical drama. If Open Heart were realistic, MC would have been fired halfway through book 1 (one of the dialogue options with Ethan in book 1 chapter 6 actually leads him to say ‘consider yourself lucky you’re even getting a next time’) but NO, we get ‘realism’ by losing a beloved love interest and character that people have grown invested in and spent money on, and then completely waste the opportunity for drama.

And then there’s chapter 10.

And going back to realism, they couldn’t think of anything else apart from vengeance and terrorism? Not, I don’t know, just a highly infectious patient which is probably more likely to happen within a hospital?

I do think that chapter 11 is one of the strongest chapters of Second Year, and the book has got stronger since then. But knowing that it might have ended with the death of Rafael leaves a VERY bitter taste. I’m very glad they rewrote it...but what on earth was the thought process behind that?!? Going back to realism again, if they wanted drama and emotions, why not have Kyra die of surgical complications? At least we’d have been somewhat prepared for that as she was introduced as being a cancer patient, and there would have been more angst (especially for Bryce romancers) as he would have had the guilt of not being able to save her when he promised MC he would, even if it was out of his hands. But sure, have Rafael caught in an assassination attempt, that makes sense. And it still doesn’t really excuse Sora, I mean, imagine the pain if he was still an LI and he and MC were saying their last goodbyes in that room??

I was happy with the rewrite to chapter 11 and the kiss between Raf and MC in chapter 12 was beautiful. And PB have actually made something of an effort to include Raf in the rest of the story; I was half-expecting to not see him again until the obligatory 30-diamond scene in the last chapter.

Chapter 12 was so emotional and it was so clear that each character and LI was struggling with the events. And the end of chapter 12 and the beginning of chapter 13 made it very clear that MC was terrified of returning to work. MC has butterflies in their stomach as they walk in to Edenbrook and then...nothing. That was that. As if they just needed to face their fear and they’d be alright again. Now I could be wrong, but I’m pretty sure PTSD isn’t as simple as that? It would go far deeper than ‘Oh, I’m alright, just taking it one day at a time’. And the narration specified that MC was uncomfortable at the idea of going back into the diagnostics room where the attack happened, but chapter 14 we’re back in there without batting an eyelid.

Someone (I don’t know who...if you’re reading this let me know!!) pointed out that Danny and Bobby could have been mentioned at the gala...there could have been some kind of ‘in memory’ and donors could have been guilt tripped by MC. But no, not a peep. I keep thinking that we could have had Baz, Zaid and Inez (I miss her) catching up with MC and asking how they’re doing and how worried they were. If you’re going to the gala with Raf there could have been a highly emotional scene between them about what happened in the room. Raf alludes to it in a line of dialogue but there was potential for so much more.

And how about the fact that a group of doctors cured the incurable OVERNIGHT and it worked without proper testing? NO ONE has mentioned that since! Surely there would be papers being published and deeper research being conducted now that lives aren’t on the line? We had a whole chapter about how a research grant would save the hospital but now...nothing?! Ed Farrugia hasn’t been mentioned since chapter 12. No one in the team is talking about how it was June’s idea to convince him to switch to Edenbrook. Surely that would be a huge elephant in the room? Wouldn’t she at least say something like ‘I never wanted this to happen, we went too far’? Something?!

The fact that there has been no follow-up to the attack suggests to me that it was purely for shock value. They just wanted drama and didn’t care about keeping it grounded. And assuming that Rafael died in the original, that’s more upsetting. I can’t believe that he was the least profitable character in the history of Choices ever. And even if he was, was it because no one bought his diamond scenes, or because he didn’t have diamond scenes to buy? I romanced Bryce in my first playthrough, but I remember choosing to assist on his surgery without even thinking about it, I didn’t even look at the diamonds it would cost. So a beloved character would have been killed, and it would have brought nothing to the story.

Furthermore, Sora would never have been explained. Rafael almost explained in chapters 2 and 12 but both times MC cut them off. If Rafael was originally going to die in chapter 11, Rafael romancers would never have got that explanation, unless they were to hear it from Sora themselves afterwards (doubtful). And it’s highly unlikely it actually will be explained. PB will probably say ‘it’s up to you what happened!’ like they’re doing us a favour by creating our own headcanon, but to me that’s just lazy writing; they wanted to write off Rafael and they didn’t care how they did it.

If Second Year hadn’t opened with a funeral scene we might never have been clued into what was going to happen and demanded a rewrite.

Aside from that, there’s Esme. She’s introduced as breaking Dr Thorne’s hand and then has to diagnose and treat him in chapter 10. Depending on your choices, he gets surgery and thanks Esme for saving his life and apologises for the bar incident. Otherwise she doesn’t run further tests and he messes up a surgery which eventually forces him to resign. And then Esme gets her plotline with Levi. If Dr Thorne wasn’t her main plotline, what was the point in introducing him? It’s another storyline that had huge potential--sexual harassment in the workplace, for example--but had little to no payoff and fell off the radar. If PB wanted to introduce MC and Esme the night before they both started working then MC could have just literally walked into Esme and either apologised, asked if she was OK, or told her to watch where she was going, and that would have affected how she greeted you in the hospital the next day. But no, we get this storyline hinted at which is then written off and replaced. Maybe it was a rewrite, I just don’t see why it would have been.

Like I said before, the main storylines of book 1 all tied together in the end, but the storylines we’ve had in book 2 have just felt like completely separate events, just a bunch of stuff that happens and is quickly forgotten. I think the balance of the LIs has been better since chapter 11; even when the gang went to Vegas, Raf romancers got a quick phone call with him. As a Raf romancer, I appreciated that, and it only goes to show how PB could accommodate for all LIs whilst having Ethan integral as our boss (see before, bonus scenes for Jackie romancers sneaking into each others rooms, bonus scenes for Bryce romancers having flirty interactions in the corridors). 

There is such a difference in dialogue if you’re playing Ethan’s romance route or not. I had him stay behind in chapter 11 and I thought it came across as a sweet conversation between a mentor and his protégée. But the other LIs don’t have anything close to that level of detail. Ethan romancers get pretty close to being official in chapter 17 but I’ve heard Jackie and Bryce didn’t get that. And Raf romancers didn’t even get caught sneaking back into the gala. I’m still holding out hope that book 2 will end with all LIs saying ‘I love you’ and being official with MC, but the inequality makes me sad.

I might have had some more to say, but this post has been longer than I intended and I don’t remember what that might have been. I really wanted to like Open Heart: Second Year. Book 1 will always be a favourite, but book 2? It’s like going from the classic era of The Simpsons where Homer was a lazy dumbass but genuinely loved his family, to the modern era of The Simpsons where nothing makes sense and Homer is a straight-up jerk. I just hope that, if we get book 3, they would have learned from their mistakes and Open Heart can be saved. It doesn’t deserve this.

Well, that’s my two cents. Sorry for the long post. If you got this far, thanks for reading.

[whimperwoods]

Arms of the Enemy (D&D Whump) - 8

This is Part 8!

Here are part 1, part 2 , part 3, part 4, part 5, part 6, and part 7!

Castor is a warlock, in service to the Great Old One and the Dark Emperor, in that order. Ed is a fighter, a knight and battle master in  the service of the True King of Lumenea. They have always been enemies.  In the space between the Old One and the Emperor, they might be able to become something else.

(Also Ed has emotions and Castor has a plan b.)

tw: panic attack (maybe?), tw: aftermath of torture, tw: feelings of shame and self-loathing, tw: brief suicidal ideation, tw: powerful mood swings, tw: Ed’s general bad time coping,

taglist: @redwingedwhump, @fanastywhump, @insanitywishes @bluebadgerwhump,@burtlederp, @newandfiguringitout, @kawhump

Side note: The d&d mechanics stuff is more a fun challenge for me than necessary for world-building, but I DO feel I should mention I only just realized warlocks get their spell slots back on a short rest and not only a long one? On the one hand I now understand why it’s an actually playable class, on the other hand, I have already established that Castor only gets his back on a long rest, so I’m beefing up all his invocations to compensate.

***************

Castor felt deeply, deeply foolish. He was on the ceiling, but now both of them were visible and Amara was shouting “Hey,” and they were in big trouble. He muttered an invocation under his breath and flung a wave of magic behind him, slowing down everyone on the stairs, and kept running. Hopefully, it would take their pursuers longer to look up than it took him to get out of the line of sight of the stairs and up into some kind of dark corner.

<<Do you trust me?>> he asked Ed.

The other man was silent, his presence a mental weight against the edge of Castor’s awareness, but just as Castor was ducking into an embrasure and trying to keep both of them out of the dim light that seeped through the arrow loop inside, he got an answer.

*****

<<Do you trust me?>>

Ed wanted to vomit. Of course he didn’t. Of course he didn’t. He couldn’t. But of course he did. He had to. He thought, all of a sudden, of his hand in the mage’s, last night. “Squeeze my hand if it’s ok to move you,” as if he’d had any choice then, as if he had any choice now. But he’d done it. He’d done it. A contract. It was done.

Ed was still trying to breathe when they stopped moving and he realized he hadn’t been focusing his eyes, hadn’t seen a thing as they slipped into a tiny space that, he realized a long moment later, was meant for an archer. Did he trust Castor?

<<Yes>> he answered, his voice a whisper even in their minds. His face flushed with shame. He was a disgrace. He was either lying or telling the truth and he didn’t know which was worse. Why had Castor asked him? Why was he pretending Ed got to decide? Ed had decided one thing, and now they were visible and hiding and he didn’t have any more plan than the warlock did.

He realized he was shaking, so hard he was sure Castor could feel it. They were visible. They were visible, and Castor had no plan because Castor was a planless idiot. But he had no plan, either, so apparently he was, too.

He could feel Castor’s presence in his mind even as the man stayed silent, a gentle pressure he could feel even though he suspected he shouldn’t, and it was almost comforting. His breathing eased slightly.

<<Ok>> Castor said, <<So, technically I can be a little bit invisible any time? Only a little bit invisible. And only in shadows. But the problem is it’s only me. So I’m gonna need to uh - well. This is the best place I could think of to leave you. It’s uh - it’s hidden, mostly, and it’s safer than the ground.>>

Ed instinctively tightened his arms around Castor’s neck and shoulders. <<No!>>

He could feel Castor almost-answer, could hear him almost-speak, and anger washed over him. His words came out hollow, ringing empty between their minds because the flood of emotion running through Ed was too big to fit into them.

<<No,>> he told the mage, <<No, you’re the one who brought me out here. You’re the one who started all this. You brought me out here. I could have been - could - have been - >> He knew what he could have been. He could have been dead, or much farther on his way to it, and he didn’t want to be dead, and he didn’t want to be dead, and he was still rambling in Castor’s mind in spite of himself.

<<It’s your fault I’m alive. It’s your fault I’m alive and not in my cell and they’re going to punish me for it. They’re going to punish me for it.>> His stomach felt cold and solid, and he wasn’t sure if he was afraid of his captors or himself, saying things he meant and didn’t mean and couldn’t mean. He was shaking. Oh gods, he was shaking.

<<They won’t.>> Castor’s voice was soft. Gentle. Ed only half heard it. <<They won’t. I have . . . things. There’s more I can do. I’ll be with you the whole time, if you’ll let me in. And I won’t let them hurt you. I’d been planning to hide you here in the fortress, but the game’s up for both of us so now we’re onto plan B and I’m getting you out of here. I just need you to hold on. I just have some things to steal first, and I’m the only one who can be invisible this way. And then I’ll be back. I promise.>>

Ed felt hot where he was angry and cold where he was afraid, and a great sucking tornadic hole in the middle, tearing him apart. Sir Edmond of Lumenea was not this. He was not so small. So afraid. So dependent. He wasn’t. He wasn’t. And he didn’t want to die. He couldn’t want to die. He wanted to be alive. He wanted to be alive.

Castor stood on the side of the wall and rearranged both of them awkwardly, laying Ed down on the tiny patch of floor and tucking his legs in as tightly as they would go. Ed almost cried out at the pain, but forced himself to hold it in, keeping the noise down to a soft grunt he had to hope no one heard under the chaos of low, slowed-down voices shouting several yards away.

Oh. Sounds. That was right. Sounds. Sounds. He hadn’t been listening to the head-sounds, and he had to not make real sounds. At least, he had to not make them here. <<Help me look out,>> he demanded, off topic and with his head still reeling dizzily, <<Help me see, I need to know where we are.>>

*****

Castor’s spine felt electric, prickling with the sense that something was wrong with Ed. He knelt on the wall, making the most of his spider climb as he adjusted himself within the tiny space to lay a hand on Ed’s cheek and turn the man’s face toward him. He looked deeply into the knight’s eyes, trying to pick apart what was fear and what was something else - whatever it was that wasn’t right.

Instead, he suddenly felt awash in a wave of confused emotions, fear and anger and despair flooding out of Ed and almost overwhelming him.

<<No,>> he said gently, trying to keep his voice even and not let on that he’d felt unasked-for reverberations that strong. <<Just stay. It’ll be ok. I promise.>>

The wave of anger that crashed across Castor’s mind was purer and clearly intentional, a mental shove that drove him backward in surprise, making him let go of Castor’s face and sit back into his heels.

<<So that’s it, then,>> Ed said bitterly, <<All that and in the end you think I’m useless. I can’t help. You don’t want me. You’re just going to leave me here with nothing like I’m useless.>>

This was so not the time for a big argument. Especially not when he remembered all the things that weren’t anger that he’d felt before Ed started lashing out.

Castor breathed deeply, centering himself, and then leaned forward and pressed his forehead to Ed’s, pushing as much calm, care, and intent through their mental link as he could. <<Ed, I’m coming back for you. I swear. I - I swear by my master, I’m coming back for you. I just can’t steal things with you on my back.>>

Ed shuddered underneath him, another reverberation from Ed’s mind washing over Castor’s again, the same confusing blend, but with the anger leaking out, leaving a flash of cold and sorrow before it faded away again.

The knight’s hand wrapped around Castor’s wrist. <<Let me help you. I just need a view of what’s below us. And an idea where you’re going.>> His voice was sad, now, thrumming with something that hurt to listen to.

<<Alright,>> he answered, not sure he had any other real option, against that kind of hurt. <<But we have to be careful.>>

<<Alright,>> Ed agreed.

Getting a good peek outward took some doing, but they managed, and Castor was surprised to hear a loud clattering noise a good distance away from their hiding place. Their pursuers were still slowed, but barely, the spell on the edge of running out. It was a relief to hear the people below shout slowly about following the noise. He pulled Ed back into their arrow loop.

<<There.>> Ed sounded exhausted. <<Done.>>

Castor didn’t know what to make of that. He didn’t know what to make of any of this, really. Any time he tried to think it through, things all got tangled, both because this was complicate and because he never seemed to be able to get a bead on Ed’s mind, or perhaps his feelings. <<Thanks,>> he answered, after a moment’s adjusting to what had happened.

<<I'm, uh. I’m a little bit magic.>> Ed was starting to sound more himself, and Castor wasn’t sure if it was because of or in spite of his clear exhaustion. Either way, it was a relief, if a small one.

<<I noticed.>> Castor wasn’t sure whether he should ask about it or not, but he was sure he needed to get his supplies and get them out of here, so he saved the question for later.

<<Sorry about not mentioning before,>> Ed added.

<<Well, at least I know you have that trick if something happens. And I can keep an eye on this place while I’m gone, if you’ll let me.>>

<<What do you mean?>>

Castor found himself suddenly unable to look the knight in the eyes. <<If you’ll let me, I can see and hear what you see and hear. As long as we keep the link going, I can blink out of my own senses and into yours. It’s uh - I don’t do it a ton. But I can check in every couple of minutes to make sure you’re still alright.>>

A twinge of surprise pulsed through their mental link and Castor wondered, passively, whether their unusually strong link might mean some day Ed could look through his eyes, too. The surprise backed off into silence, but Castor let Ed think through it, just listening to the footsteps below and waiting for an answer.

<<Yeah, alright,>> the knight finally said, <<How do I know when you turn it back off?>>

<<I dunno. But we both have to be willing for it to work. So if you don’t want me to see what you see, you can shut me out. I just won’t be able to reopen from a distance so if you do that before I get back, I won’t be able to get to you unless you’re still here.>>

<<Got it.>>

<<I have to touch you.>>

The knight’s fingers wrapped around Castor’s wrist again. <<Done.>>

Castor twisted his arm until he could hold Ed’s wrist, too. Then he focused on the half-prayer that would open the link, whispering the invocation under his breath as quietly as he could.

*****

Ed had expected to feel it when the connection between the two of them changed, but instead he was alerted to it working by a deep gasp from Castor. The mage let go of Ed’s arm and slapped his hand over his own mouth to keep from crying out, and when his voice started up in Ed’s head, it sounded tense and pained.

<<I’ve got your skin, too. The senses of it, I mean. Touch. I’ve got your sense of touch. Gods.>>

The hand Castor had against the wall, stabilizing his disorienting sideways kneel, was quaking faintly, and when he moved the other hand away from his mouth, it was shaking much harder, shaking visibly, like Ed was sure his own did, these days.

For a moment, he felt pity for the mage, but then a wave of anger came behind it. Why should he feel bad? Why should he pity a man for suddenly sharing in the pain of what his own people had done? Why should he feel bad for his old enemy when he’d never asked him to climb into his mind and body, when he’d never asked for any of this.

Pity and anger warred in his chest as he listened to Castor’s body take deep, gasping breaths, like he was trying to steady himself against the pain.

<<Sorry,>> the mage gasped again, <<Sorry, I didn’t mean to - fuck. I think while I’m in there - we both have to calm down together. I can feel your heart racing in there. That’s. I’m not. It’s just supposed to be sight and sound. It’s. I hate it. I see me but don’t feel me. That’s new. Fuck.>>

Ed timed his breaths to Castor’s body’s breathing, feeling his tangle of emotions start to fade again, unsustainable. He was tired. Gods, he was tired. They’d only just woken up and come here and he was already so tired. Slowing his breaths just made it harder to fight it, harder to focus on anything but the pain and the exhaustion and his presence in his own body.

<<Ok,>> Castor said, <<Ok. Ok. Back in a moment. Gotta make sure it works.>>

He hadn’t felt Castor get closer before, but now he felt him leave, the feeling of surprise he hadn’t realized was coming from Castor easing and the mage’s voice quieting just slightly as he rambled more <<Ok. Alright. Ok>>s.

Castor’s return was announced by another deep, pained gasp of air from the mage’s body, but this time Ed felt Castor’s presence solidifying in his mind.

He felt no particular sensation that told him Castor was on his left side, but sensed it somehow regardless, moving his right hand almost instinctively to clasp his own left shoulder comfortingly.

<<Oh,>> Castor whispered, right there and so, so quiet, <<Oh, Ed. I’m. I knew, but - I didn’t.>>

Something about this, about holding his own shoulder to touch Castor, about the half-daze of knowing things he couldn’t know, sensing things that weren’t there, cut through him to the core. <<I need you to come back soon,>> he answered the mage, <<I need you. I can’t stay here. It’s too small. It hurts. We have to go.>>

Castor moved fast this time, out of Ed’s mind and into his own body again before Ed had finished realizing what he’d said. A moment later, Ed had processed the fact that he’d begged and not begged, said what he shouldn’t and meant it and felt nothing bad in the moment of it, and Castor’s hand came down gently to rest over his own, warm and comforting.

<<I know. I’m sorry. I’ll go. I won’t be long. Just stay quiet, and the moment I sense any trouble, I’ll come to you instead of the mission. I’ll be checking back in. I’ll be - I’ll be checking.>>

Ed couldn’t possibly answer. He couldn’t. Something had broken open again, something real was obvious and aching and right there in the open where Castor couldn’t miss it. He shoved against the other man’s presence in their little arrow loop, but he knew without asking that whatever his mind or heart or soul had managed of a shove hid nothing of the whatever-it-was this extra closeness had cut its way down to.

Castor straightened up, peeked around the edge of the embrasure, and hurried outside and away, into the shadows where he’d be invisible, apparently.

Ed laid where he’d been left, feeling like a crab cracked open, the meat inside exposed to the open air. It ached, but it was a good ache, and he didn’t have the energy to hate it. Tears slipped from his eyes and he didn’t stop them, letting them flow silently down his cheeks and leaving alone the question of where they were coming from. It was dangerous, with him like this. Too dangerous. He breathed, and cried, and wondered when he’d feel Castor’s mind drawing closer again.

*****

Castor’s body ached faintly in all the places Ed hurt, a ghost of the way it felt to look through the man’s eyes. It wouldn’t let Castor go. He moved as fast as he could without alerting anyone, the ache lingering somewhere underneath the skin it didn’t belong to. He moved. Shadow. Shadow. Ache. He planned each move as he made the one before it, hurrying from shadow to shadow, where he’d be invisible, disappearing into the blind spots of the universe. He needed to hurry.

Lost in the shadows, he ached.

[betweenthetimeandsound]

Three Minutes to Eternity: My ESC 250 (#180-171)

#180: Fernando Tordo -- Tourada (Portugal 1973)

“Entram guizos, chocas e capotes, E mantilhas pretas, Entram espadas, chifres e derrotes, E alguns poetas, Entram bravos, cravos e dichotes, Porque tudo mais são tretas,”

“Bells, cowbells and capes are coming in, And black mantillas Swords, big horns and defeats are coming in And some poets Brave people, carnations and swear words are coming in Because it's a wheeze at most”

Despite the title ("tourada" translates to bullfight in Portuguese), it's actually a portrait of a revolution in the making. The lyrics were so clever that the censors at the RTP didn’t notice these lyrics were reflecting the current regime.

That’s enough for a 250 appearance for me, but there’s more that makes the song so memorable.

The build with the brass and percussion sets the stage for something important to happen. Sometimes, I do forget I like this song, but listening to it like right now is an experience, like one entering the battlefield.

The last line, "And the intelligent man says that songs are over..." still amuses me, though it's quite cynical in that the intellectuals would eventually not believe in the movement.

Personal ranking: 5th/17 Actual ranking: 10th/17 in Luxembourg

#179: France Gall -- Poupée de cire, poupée de son (Luxembourg 1965)

“Suis-je meilleure, suis-je pire qu’une poupée de salon? Je vois la vie en rose bonbon Poupée de cire, poupée de son”

“Am I better, am I worse than a fashion doll? I see life through bright rosy-tinted glasses Wax doll, sawdust doll”

One of the game-changing songs of Eurovision, in that the general mood shifts from slow-tempo songs to a little bit of pop. The first ten contests had their share of good songs, but seem to blur into each other at points. Afterwards, the song quality rose, and they were better suited to the times.

Beyond the happy orchestral sound is something quite sad—a pretty girl who sings songs without experiencing what they mean. Gainsbourg was quite the songwriter, but it led to a falling out between him and France later on, because of the double meanings of the songs he wrote for her.

The drama related to France Gall and the contest didn't stop there. Kathy Kirby, the runner-up that year, slapped France when she won. Then her boyfriend broke up with her shortly after, and wrote a song that would be the basis of "My Way".

Quite interesting I must say, though I don’t come back to this song often.

Personal and actual ranking: 1st/18 in Naples

#178: Ajda Pekkan -- Petr'oil (Turkey 1980)

"Öyle gururlusun gidemem yanına Girmişsin kim bilir kaç aşığın kanına Dolardan, marktan başka laf çıkmaz dilinden Neler, neler çekiyorum senin elinden"

"You are so proud, I can’t come close to you I wonder who else suffers from your love You speak of nothing but dollars and marks I am so suffering because of you"

My 1980 winner is not only quite groovy and seductive, but also clever.

The 1970s had two major oil crises--one in 1973, and another in 1979. The first one was when OPEC withheld their oil from countries who supported Israel during the Yom Kippur, and the second one when oil production stopped during the Iranian Revolution, resulting in higher prices per barrel. Both resulted in low supply and increased gas prices in the United States; those who grew up during the era were less likely to drive as a result.

Petr'oil takes this issue and anthromorphizes it, as Ajda sings about the troubles of relying oil as a resource and as a partner. The belly-dance music also emphasizes the tension. combined with the percussion and strings on this piece.

While Ajda has since distanced herself from the song, I embrace it in all its charms. Plus it was heavily underrated in its year.

Personal ranking: 1st/19 Actual ranking: 15th/19 in Den Haag

Final Impressions on 1980: This year stands out a bit, for it had a number of songs dealing with a huge number of topics (including Belgium's "Euro-Vision", which made the contest go meta, haha). Alongside it, the production was a bit bare-bones, because of the Netherlands hosting it four years earlier, but it featured quirks such as a representative announcing their country's song, Morocco competing for the only time, and a steel band for the interval!

#177: The Allisons -- Are you sure? (United Kingdom 1961)

“Are you sure you won’t be sorry? Comes tomorrow, you won’t want me Back again to hold you tightly?”

The lyrics are quite smug, in that the Allisons warn the girl who plans to break up with them she might be sorry and alone. Not unlike with "If I Were Sorry", though there's a bit more charm and teasing towards their soon-to-be ex-, whereas the latter feels a bit more arrogant.

That said, it’s upbeat and almost lines up to the musical scene at the time (comparisons to Buddy Holly are not uncommon), and the musical run time just goes by so quickly (in comparison to other entries of the same era)! It's just a breeze.

Personal ranking: 1st/16 Actual ranking: 2nd/16 in Cannes

#176: Vicky Leandros: L'amour est bleu (Luxembourg 1967)

“Bleu, bleu, l'amour est bleu, Berce mon cœur, mon cœur amoureux, Bleu, bleu, l'amour est bleu, Bleu comme le ciel qui joue dans tes yeux.”

“Blue, blue, love is blue, Cradle my heart, my loving heart Blue, blue, love is blue Blue like the sky which play in your eyes."”

I think I first heard this in the intro to Eurovision 2006's semi-final. While the harp motif stood out, I didn't know where it came from. It was until when I watched the contest this song was in, which is strange because it was notable for having a Paul Mauriat cover which became a hit.

One of many classics which featured in 1960s contests, I like the innocence shown through the lyrics, which uses color and imagery to tell about the different cycles of love. The orchestration along the bridge was especially spectacular, as it provided a cinematic feel towards . Vicky’s accent sometimes gets in the way, but she sings this well and should’ve gotten a podium position.

Personal ranking: 2nd/17 Actual ranking: 4th/17 in Vienna

#175: Kaija -- Ullu joy Hullu yö (Finland 1991)

"En edes halunnut sua omistaa En edes leikisti rakastaa Kaksi kulkijaa yhteen osuttiin Yksi yhteinen hetki jaettiin"

"I didn’t even want to own you I didn’t even want to love you We two travellers came across each other Shared one common moment together"

While I was watching Eurovision 1991, I liked the mysterious verses of Hullu yo, but I found the chorus a bit off, because it was punchier and more energetic. It also had that "minor-verse/major chorus" thing going on, which also made me uneasy with the song. With a few listens, I grew to like a bit more, because of its unique sound. It definitely sounds better with the studio cut versus the live, which shows off the failures of RAI's orchestra.

Another thing about the song, beyond its lyrics about a one-night-stand turned into longing feelings, was the choice choreography. Playing out the turmoiled relationship, it's funny to see how provocative it is, and that's after Toto's hilarious pronunciation of the song.

Elements of the live performance aside, it's still a jam which deserved better. Maybe it would've done so in the televote era.

Personal ranking: 7th/22 Actual ranking: 20th/22 in Rome

#174: Francoise Hardy -- L'amour s'en va (Monaco 1963)

“Si ce n’est toi Ce sera moi qui m’en irai L’amour s’en va Et nous n’y pourrons rien changer"

"If it isn’t you It will be me who will go away Love goes away And we can’t change anything about that"

I was happily surprised hearing this for the first time. It was very melancholic, with an interesting structure between the verses and the chorus. The percussion also helps with the latter, and adds a bit of character to the song.

The fact Francoise wrote this classic gem also warmed me up more to the song, especially because she was from the ye-ye generation of singers (which are known for being young and upbeat). Yet she stands and sings her own composition in a serious, almost bored tone, without taking the substance of the song away

(That being said, I really need to listen to more of her songs; I've found a couple a month ago, though there's obviously more...)

Personal ranking: 2nd/16 Actual ranking: 5th/16 in London

#173: ABBA -- Waterloo (Sweden 1974)

“The history book on the shelf is always repeating itself...”

You don’t need me to tell about this, do you? It’s fun and timeless pop, with some cool costumes to boot.

For more interesting stuff for both, the song Waterloo was an actual risk for the contest--they actually had another song for consideration, the folk-influenced Hasta Manana, but turned to this instead. And it worked, of course!

For the clothes, ABBA apparently chose these glam-rock inspired costumes because in Sweden, one wouldn't have to pay additional fees if the costumes won't be used for normal wear. Both Anni-frid and Agnetha look great, nevertheless.

And as of the moment, my favorite ABBA song is "Knowing Me, Knowing You". Despite the poppy tone, it has a moody vibe throughout, and one knows the relationship is going to end on a bad note.

Personal ranking: 2nd/17 Actual ranking: 1st/17 in Brighton

#172: Gigliola Cinquetti -- Si (Italy 1974)

“Sì, dolcemente dissi sì, Per provare un'emozione, Che non ho avuto mai,”

“Yes, I softly said yes, To feel an emotion That I've never had before”

My friend told me an interesting story about the lyrics—whereas the song Gigliola won with tells of a girl waiting to grow older to find true love, Si talks of the girl growing up and taking the plunge. So she interprets Si as a sequel of sorts.

So why does this beat Waterloo, in my opinion?

I like how the song starts—quietly, but with an interesting guitar part. The instrumentation builds well towards the "Si...", at which it gently but certainly blooms towards Gigliola's certainty on going with the man she loves.

The interesting part of it was how the song was censored in Italy because it was seen as "subliminal messaging" for a campaign on a divorce referendum that May. "Si" sounds like an endorsement for the "no" campaign, as it embraces being in love, even if it requires the death of another relationship.

Personal ranking: 1st/17 Actual ranking: 2nd/17 in Brighton

Final Impressions on 1974: Definitely one of the most memorable years in the contest, if only for who won. The rest was a tale of two halves, with the first half being particularly good, and the other half bad (except for Si, as you can tell). And there were Wombles in the interval act, hehe.

#171: Eugent Bushpepa -- Mall (Albania 2018)

“Lot i patharë ndriçojë këtë natë Sonte kumbo prej shpirtit pa fjalë Vetëm një çast dhimbja të më ndalë”

“Lingering tear, light up this night Find your way out, to soothe my soul Just for one day make this pain subside”

Aren’t the lyrics to this so beautiful? They convey Eugent’s desire to be with his loved one so well, in both its pain and beauty.

The music really helps too--while the pre-vamped version was a whole minute longer, it also has a rockier edge to it. The revamped version cuts it down and cleans up the production, but it's still maintains the overall feel throughout.

Eugent is also a talented talented singer, which proved initial odds wrong and got Albania one of its best results! The bridge between the second verse and chorus has a great chord progression (which was given more space in the revamp), and he deserved qualification for that alone. And those high notes.

(Also, he's probably the best dressed guy of his year...good job Eugent, good job.)

Personal ranking: 7th/43 Actual ranking: 11th/26 GF in Lisbon