#ed looks good in stede's color tho

[ofmdee]

ofmdkinktober2024 day 12 - "look at the mess you made."

way messier gifs on twitter 🤭🔞

[ourflagmeansgayrights]

Lol you reblog a post on fandom ignoring racism and then reblog a steddyhands post you are literally who the post is about. Izzy Hands is racist and homophobic and abusive and you ship him with his victims. You are the problem.

oh i don’t actually ship steddyhands! sometimes i’ll reblog fanart tho if the art is good enough and the steddyhands isn’t actually super prevalent. like, the reblog you're referencing is barely shippy. i couldve just tagged it with the characters, but i decided to tag it steddyhands in case any of my followers really don't want to see any content of izzy stede and ed all getting along at ALL

also, if you actually look at the steddyhands tag on my blog, there's only 22 posts. and there are 12,807 posts on this blog in total. so it's not on my blog often, and it's tagged so people who have steddyhands blacklisted don't have to see it

of those 22 posts, 7 of them are fanart, and in 4 of those fanart posts, i say something in the tags about not liking the ship. of the 15 other posts, 9 of them are my own original posts (or posts where the op @'ed me in them) discussing my issues with steddyhands, 2 of them are other people's posts talking about their issues with steddyhands, 3 of them are absolute shitposts talking about steddyhands in homestuck quadrants or a blackhands divorce au where every possible combination of ed/stede/izzy/jack happens, and only one of them is a pro-steddyhands post that i reblogged and said in the tags that i don't ship it

meanwhile, my fandom crit tag, which is where i talk about racism in fandom and reblog other people's posts about racism in fandom, has 449 posts in it. so like, steddyhands is rarely on my blog—and when it is, more often than not it's bc im criticizing it.

also, i don't actually think steddyhands is inherently bad (altho i'll be the first to admit that a LOT of the content made for the ship is incredibly bad). i think steddyhands can actually be done in a way that doesn't prioritize izzy's feelings or excuse his racism and homophobia, and where izzy's character growth isn't ed's problem or burden in any way. so i don't personally feel like the very existence of steddyhands content on my blog puts me at the same level as like, ofmd discord mods who disregard people's complaints about racist content in the fandom because they value "let people have fun, fandom isn't for drama" more than they value making the space safe for fans of color.

the steddyhands on my blog is incredibly sparse, very easy to avoid if you just block the tag, and most importantly, it doesn't excuse izzy's bigotry. i feel like there are a LOT of ofmd fans who contribute way more to the problem than i did by reblogging fanart where ed izzy and stede are getting scared in a haunted house.

[izzy-b-hands]

TW for mention of moths and accidental moth death. Funny enough, I'm extremely phobic and grossed out by moths and butterflies (tho i think they're cool and pretty) and sort of grossed myself out writing this, but the idea wouldn't leave me alone!

Lil domestic moment/mini argument in a modern AU for the lads and the poor moth involved. That turns into a mini rescue mission of sorts. also Jack is there. And there will be pizza.

I kept writing and things kept happening idk.

---

"Really?" Stede scoffs. "Over a mild disagreement-"

The crop top, clearly handmade, reads 'I fucked Stede Bonnet and all I got was this stupid shirt.'

"Mary suggested color of fabric paint," Ed says icily, eyes never moving from the horror movie he's watching on the living room TV. "But Doug thought up the crop top bit. Much more comfortable this way, and I can reuse the leftover bit of fabric."

"Ed," Stede sits on the other side of the couch. "Darling."

"Don't even start."

"Look, I understand why you're upset with me. But I need you to see my side-"

"Stede, if you bring this up during one of my favourite movies, I..." Ed hesitates. "I don't know exactly what I'll do yet, but I'll be pissed."

"Can I stay and watch with you?"

"Of course."

He motions for Ed to stretch out his legs, and scoots slightly closer so Ed's knees rest on his lap.

"If you think you're getting back in my good graces with a knee massage alone-"

"No," Stede interrupts. "I saw you limp earlier, and I know massages help that bad knee of yours. Purely coincidence."

He works gently on Ed's knee, and looks up to the screen. "Us, right?"

"Yup."

They watch in silence for a bit, until he can bear it no longer.

"Ed, I know you don't like moths. I know you're scared of them. But I wasn't going to kill it-"

"I didn't want you to kill it, but you didn't listen to me! I was trying to tell you to wait so I could be in another room while you got it!"

"Oh," Stede blinks. "Ohhh. 'Babe, wait and just-' was going to end in 'just let me leave first.' Wasn't it?"

Ed nods. "Instead, you smashed into me, and I know you didn't mean to, but I got moth and gross moth dust all over my ch-"

He gags. "Yeah. I can't think about it or say it. Sorry."

"I'm sorry. But you knew I would try and move it and get it outside, and that would mean needing to get by you and out the bedroom door."

"That..." Ed sighs. "That's true. I should say sorry too. I could have just moved right away, and then come back to you as soon as it was outside. I panicked. Sorry, love."

"That's fair. You didn't want it on or near you."

Ed gently, carefully, strips off his shirt and lays it on the floor. "This needs to finish drying anyway. I was wearing it right away to be...well. Yeah."

"It's well done," Stede smiles. "And I like the violet."

"Right? I loved it but wasn't sure about using it until Mary mentioned it. I was texting both of them with pictures of all the paint colours; it was probably silly-"

"Sometimes a second opinion is all it takes to know if a choice is right or not. Nothing silly about that."

Eventually, Ed winds up in his lap, as the movie plays on and the winter sun dips below the horizon.

There's a buzz as the credits roll, and they both jump.

"Fucking piece of shit," Ed fusses as he yanks his vibrating phone off the end table. "Hello?"

"Hi, weird question," Olu's voice comes through the speaker just as Ed switches it to speakerphone. "Is Stede's phone not by him?"

"I left it charging in our room," Stede replies. "Why?"

"I told you we should have texted Ed first!" Jim's voice joins in on Olu's end. "He always has his phone near him!"

"What's going on?" Ed asks.

"This is stupid and you'll laugh, but we...nope, I'm not saying it. This is embarrassing!" Olu mutters.

"We're two grown adults that got scared watching Us," Jim's voice joins in again. "There's some people walking around here and I know, I know they're just like. Taking a late walk. But they sort of look similar in shape to both of us and I mean. It's fake, because if it wasn't Jordan Peele would have to be in on it, and surely he wouldn't-"

"Funny, we just finished that movie, but we're doing alright. Would you maybe like us to come over?" Ed smiles and nudges Stede. "Aaand maybe bring a late night snack, some pizza?"

"There should be some by our front door," Olu replies. "We ordered just as the movie started and then by the time it got here..."

"Oh no," Stede chuckles. "We'll be right ov-ED!"

The shadow in the hall turns, and the light at the end of it flicks on. "Did you two forget I was here?"

Jack. Who was in town and staying in their guest room, and who had been sleeping off his jet lag.

"I'm so glad to see you," Stede gasps.

"It's okay," Ed says as he stands. "We'll be over in a bit. We'll bring Jack too since he's with us."

"Why is he here?" Olu asks.

"Dunno. He called us last night asking for a ride from the airport and a place to stay."

"...sure. That sounds great."

"And we'll get some new pizza on the way there, because I guarantee a raccoon has already found the one outside your door."

"Pizza, you two, those two kids, and a raccoon," Jack smiles. "I woke up to a party!"

"The raccoon is not coming inside," Stede chuckles. "We had enough issues with the moth earlier!"

Jack frowns. "Speaking of, I woke up with that little bit of fuss and...hey, Ed?"

Ed, planning away about breadsticks and dessert options with Olu, seems not to notice.

Jack motions Stede over to him. "Look. When I went downstairs to get those extra pajamas you mentioned, I found the source of that flying friend. Y'all got a fuckin' infestation in the extra storage room down there. I shoved some towels under the door crack but..."

"Oh god."

"Yeah. So...tomorrow morning what say I call up Iz and Buttons, and the three of us take Ed out to the zoo and aquarium? While we do that, which should take most of the day, you and anyone else not afraid of moths-"

"Will go and clean things up," Stede nods gravely. "Jack. I cannot believe I'm saying this, but, thank you."

"Just don't make me watch that movie with y'all tonight. Don't know why you'd want to rewatch it right away, but just-I can't stand that one, too scary. The new alien one though-"

"Nope?"

"Damn, we can't even try it? Or did it scare you that bad?"

Stede sighs. "Nope?!"

"Why are you...what's with the tone?" Jack scoffs. "I'm-wait. Wait. Oh no, you meant-"

"The movie is titled, yes," Stede shakes his head. "I think you're still jet lagged."

"I think-"

"Jack, put on pants and trousers and lets get moving," Ed interjects. "They are absolutely terrified, Mr. Peele should be very proud. However, I think their neighbour is trying to give them their pizza, and he's walking all around outside their house freaking them the fuck out and it's a whole thing."

Stede peers down, then back up. "I really wish I'd realised you were-"

"Sleeping Winnie-the-Pooh style?" Jack grins. "I can't believe you didn't notice."

"Are you wearing that shirt out?" Stede asks as Ed yanks the crop top back on.

"Yeah, but hang on, I'll get you yours and Jack's," Ed jogs into the kitchen. "So we match, all three of us."

They head out ten minutes later, Ed ahead of them.

"You fucked Ed Teach and all you got was that stupid shirt?" Jack snorts.

"You fucked us both and only got the one shirt," Stede paraphrases off of Jack's shirt. "I'm starting to think he was going to make these even if the moth thing had never happened."

"You don't fuckin' say."

There's the honk of the car horn, and they rush to get in before Ed drives off without them.

[triflesandparsnips]

ET FINALE:

Transcribed:

....Izzy's bitchy "I'm going to destroy you with like five words the second you stop talking" face is. fantastic.

(.....ugh, now that there's been a Parallel though, now I'm worried about Izzy's fate)

(though not permanently. not for the author's Special Beat 'Em Up Boy)

though hey this show is actually one where you can see the body and it doesn't matter! still might not be dead!

eat your heart out, X-Files

"You're not a pirate, lad"

FIVE WORDS LOL

CALLED IT

lad

He's elaborating, but I stand by my nonsense, hooray

"because... we're good." WAIT HAS IZZY LEARNED THE POWER OF STORIES

"And you... are a rancid syphilitic cunt."

Thank you Con O'Neill for your service

wait, time for another pic, this is beautiful

Figure 2. Not sure how to end your heartfelt speech about the power of love and the stories you choose? Try this one easy phrase

[phone picture of Izzy looking heartfelt and teary-eyed as the closed captioning reads "are a rancid, syphilitic cunt"]

now let's see where we are in the timeline here, I'm betting this is getting a bit too close to the middle of the last third

oh no, the BEGINNING of the last third OH NO the last high point

Avast you scoundrels omg Stede can you never enter Jackie's normally

LOL POISONING

BYE BOYS

"is that us doing that" lol

EVERYBODY IS POISON-TRAINED

"yeah baby"

Jackie takes the best care of her husbands

"good job. I am proud of you" AWWWW

(That's why she was so pissed at Jim, I bet. Jackie has a reputation of care)

ALBUM COVER SHOT

"It's only suicide if we die"

STEDE

..........

oh my god

hot

also hot with the kissing

oh shit this music is GREAT

LOVE all our actors of color also "in disguise" as British soldiers, no fucks given

ahhhhh hello, Izzy who is shot

"I'm fine, fuck off" baby

"Izzy you okay" so good tho

HE WENT BACK TO HELP

FRENCHIE DID TOO

oooo, that's some GOOD death makeup

wait omg is THIS how we get the kiss

You're my only family

awwww Stede's crying

awwww dead blorbo

.....okay so yeah, they buried him POSSIBLY that means he's dead for real

UNLESS we get season 3 zombies

"He was a good one. Intense. Very intense."

awwwww THE MARRIAGE

ED LOOKING AT STEDE

............you know what, I actually think it's actually hilarious that season 3 is---- WAIT HEY BOYS

INNKEEPERS

omg I love them and their shithole inn

THEY'RE LIVING WITH DEAD IZZY

SEAGULL

HI BUTTONS

Buttons who is magic

...........AS I WAS SAYING... you know... if I was a writer who wanted to be kind of a bitch about people hating on my blorbo... I too would manage to have an entire final season somehow fucking revolve around him anyway

Stede and Ed with his grave, the Revenge out to get the motherfucker who killed him-- IT'S ALL THERE

and the sea witch who now knows where the body lies

............lol

HEY FOLKS GUESS WHO FINALLY WATCHED THE FINALE

it's time again for "is it really a good idea to post your uncensored thoughts hahaha just kidding FUCI IT WE BALL" screenshots of my episode livetexting.

Transcribed:

okay so I'm in the AD now

I like the "gong" sounds during the "last time"

then BOOM

also ugh I gotta rewatch the prev episodes on the BIG screen, there's so much happening

oh baby omg the sweet music omggggg

FISH

omg so much NATURE he HATED nature in his previous vibes

awwwww his monologue is PRECIOUS

FISHSCALES that's what FAKE PEARLS are made out of

whoooo the fuck are these PEOPLE

ommmmg lololol

"SIMPLE LIVES" "SIMPLE WAYS"

LOL PUNCH OMG

"I said I CAUGHT a fish ONCE" omgggggggggg

you PRECIOUS BABYGIRL

...........................okay hey omg tryin to be a housewife Ed, ilu

"If you were EVER GOOD AT ANYTHING go and do THAT you bum" -- "YOU GUYS ARE DICKS"

I love him so much

.............oh DANG the republic

wait-- pausing

Ricky is REVERSE STEDE here-- he's "become a real boy" with the praise of his superiors-- except he's the MONSTER Pinocchio from Jim's story

...okay unpausing

"NEVER BE SLAVES" o i see

some CHOICES are being MADE here

YEAH THEY ARE

OH WAIT

PAUSING AGAIN

NO BUT REALLY

HE'S THE REVERSE PINOCCHIO

HE DOESN'T HAVE A NOSE

..........while i die about that a little i'll unpause

"THE MAN I AM TODAY"

You are going to be insufferable about this, I can tell~

YES I AM

WOOOO

awwwwwww oh no, oh no, Auntie

"Did you? Well, don't want to split hairs" STEDE U DICK

awwwwwww he's saying the failure line to ZYS!

STEDE IS WEIRD ABOUT TOUCH

OH MY

FUCKING

GOD

HE SAID IT

HE ACTUALLY SAID TI

HE SAID IT WAS WEIRD

YOU WANNA TALK INSUFFERABLE YOU HAVE NOT EVEN BEGUN TO EXPERIENCE THE AGONY OF MY TOTAL ANNIHILATING RIGHTNESS

I SAID WHAT I FUCKING SAID

HOLY MOTHERFUCKING CHRIST

.........................so anyway, about those curtains

they sure look great

I should climb them

see what the world looks like from up there

..............................................................I'm going to rewind and watch myself be SO GODDAMN RIGHT all over again

"IT WAS WEIRD"

HELL YEAH

omg he jumped on them!

"oh no!"

....pausing just to say, the closeup of his hand against the stone bridge was. unnecessarily.

good.

....for reasons.

whoops I accidentally rewound to him BEING WEIRD ABOUT TOUCH AGAIN

lololol

I fucking love that he jumped on them, such a delight

I'm checking to see if there's a closeup of his ring on that. very good. um. hand. pressed against the--- YEAH THERE IS

"or is it?"

"that went as well as I planned it" BABE

"to skin a prince" she says as she fixes her hair

[rebloggingrexan]

YOOOOOOOOOOO HOLY CRAP THESE COLORSSSS HOW DID YOU MAKE THIS BOTH SOFT AND INTENSE