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a-reader-and-a-writer · 1 year ago

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There Never Was a Choice

AI-Less Whumptober 2023: 4. Betrayal, 6. Forced to Hurt Someone Else, 13. Crushed, 14. Field Medicine, 16. Amputation, 29. Forced to Choose Fandom: For All Mankind, Ed Baldwin, f!reader Summary: When an accident on Jamestown Base leaves you trapped, Ed must make an impossible decision. Word Count: 3702 TW: Amputation, Heartbreak, Depression, Begging, Betrayal, Language, Implied Age Gap in Relationship Notes: Thank you to @loverhymeswith for the GIF and ask that inspired this fic! 💖 Part of @ailesswhumptober's event

Takes place between season 2 and season 3

Even before he opened his eyes, Ed heard the screaming. It was a high-pitched keen of agony that was reverberating all around the tight enclosed space. And while he knew he needed to get up—to go investigate—the back of his head was throbbing so fiercely that he didn’t even want to open his eyes for fear of making it somehow worse. All he wanted to do was sink back into the dark numbing abyss and sleep off the pain.

“Get this goddamn thing off me!”

Ed’s eyes snapped open before quickly recoiling from the light. However, he blinked away the pain and forced himself up onto unsteady feet. All desire to succumb to unconsciousness evaporated the moment he heard your agonized voice and realized it had been you screaming this whole time. Instead, a fresh wave of adrenaline and dread pushed him forward towards the crowd of people on the other side of the room.

As the other astronauts noticed him approaching, they silently moved aside, everyone avoiding his gaze. And it was then that he finally saw you.

You were lying on your back in a pool of blood that was slowly growing larger. At first glance, you seemed relatively fine. There were some small cuts on your face and arm but nothing that would put you in the kind of agony he had heard moments before. But then Ed noticed your left arm disappearing beneath a pile of twisted metal beside you. He had no idea where the debris had come from, however, it had clearly trapped your arm beneath it.

Your face was pinched in pain but as soon as you saw him standing there, it softened slightly. “Ed,” you moaned, reaching out toward him with your freed arm. He quickly knelt down and took your hand in his. “Are you okay?”

“Am I okay?” he asked incredulously. “You’re the one currently pinned beneath heavy machinery.”

“Yeah, well, it’s obvious I’m not alright. But you hit your head in the explosion and that can’t be good for you, old man.” You were trying to stay upbeat and your usual snarky self, but underneath the forced levity, Ed could hear the pain and fear in your voice.

“I think we both know there’s not much up there worth damaging,” he joked back, trying to keep the same false lighthearted tone as you were. Squeezing your hand tighter, he added, “But I’ll be alright and so will you. Just wait and we’ll get you outta there.”

You snorted. “Where am I gonna go?”

But then a shiver of pain ran through your body. Your face twisted into an agonized grimace as you squeezed Ed’s hand so tightly he felt his bones crunch in your grasp. However, he made no move to stop you. Instead, he brushed the hair off your face with his free hand and waited for your pain to fade.

Once your grip lessened some and you seemed to relax, Ed murmured, “Hey, I’ll be right back, okay? I just need a minute then we’ll get this figured out. Hold on.”

You nod and reluctantly let go of his hand. As he stood up, Ed grabbed the closest person to him and pulled the young man across the room so they were out of your earshot. The man seemed flustered and unsure of why he had been dragged away, but Ed put up a hand before he could speak.

Glancing down at his suit, Ed saw his patch read “N. Corrado” and after scouring his still foggy brain for a moment, he remembered you mentioned your friend Nick was coming to the moon on the next rotation along with the supplies. Considering this man had just arrived two days earlier and was the only astronaut Ed hadn’t recognized, he was pretty sure he must now be speaking to your friend.

“What happened? Start at the beginning.” Nick opened his mouth but Ed interrupted once more. “I need the quick and concise version.”

And that was what Nick gave him.

They had been trying to update Jamestown and expand the base with new equipment they had just received from Earth a few days ago. Ed had obviously known that part. But what was news to him was that while trying to install the new air system, one of the oxygen tanks exploded, damaging not only the new system but the equipment around it as well. The team managed to throw up the emergency shields so the base wasn’t in danger of depressurizing or losing air, but there had still been two injuries in the accident.

One of the pieces had been thrown off and hit Ed in the head—hence his headache and unconsciousness—and they had carefully moved him to the other side of the room so he was out of the way while they dealt with the real problem…you.

You had been right next to the tank when it exploded, sending you, the remains of the tank, and several other parts of the base flying across the room. It was a miracle the debris had only landed on your arm and not the rest of you, otherwise they would be planning a funeral rather than an extraction.

Ed took in everything Nick said with a growing dread in his chest. That equipment was incredibly sturdy and heavy to ensure it could withstand the deadly conditions on the moon. If there was a leak or crack in any of it, it could mean the death of the entire base. Because of this, the metal was three times thicker than necessary just to be on the safe side. This was why everything had to be moved with loaders and other transportation equipment—all of which were too large to fit inside the base itself. And since you were currently pinned in one of the inner rooms of the base—

Another one of your wails filled the room as the rest of the crew tried again in vain to remove the debris. Ed buried his head in his hands, wishing there was something he could do to stop your pain. But falling apart wasn’t going to help you. Right now, you needed him to suck it up and be the leader he had been sent on this mission to be.

So, taking a deep breath, he looked at Nick and asked, “So, what have you been trying to do to free her? Can we just turn the gravity off so we can push it off her?”

Nick shook his head. “We still don’t know how much damage the explosion caused. There’s a chance if we turn the gravity off, we won’t be able to turn it back on.”

Ed scrubbed his hand over his face. “Well, what about the saws we use for moon rocks? Can we cut the metal into smaller pieces and move them off?”

“We tried but it didn’t work on the metal.” But then Nick hesitated and Ed could see he wanted to say something else.

“What? What is it?” When Nick still didn’t reply, Ed took a step forward and growled in his face, “Corrado, we are not leaving her there to bleed out, so tell me what you are thinking.”

Nick swallowed heavily, then mumbled, “I’m not saying we leave her. Well…Not all of her.”

The meaning of Nick’s words hit Ed like a punch to his chest. Clenching his jaw firmly, he shook his head. “No. No, we’re not doing that.”

Nick bowed his head. “Sir—”

“No! We are not cutting off her goddam arm! Do you understand me?”

“I do,” Nick muttered meekly. But then he took a deep breath, raised his head, and looked Ed straight in the eye. “But I don’t think you understand, Commander. She’s losing blood and we can’t stop that until we can actually get to her arm. And even then, we can only stop the bleeding temporarily with what we have with us here. Which means she has to go home but it takes almost two days to reach Earth in the emergency shuttle. So we need to get her out of here right now if she has any chance of surviving.”

Having finished what he needed to say, Nick withdrew into himself once more as he averted his gaze from Ed’s. Mumbling softly, he added, “I’m sorry, sir. It’s just….she’s a good friend and the best astronaut we have. I understand how horrible this decision is and if there was any other way…”

Ed sighed. “No, you are right. I was just reacting to the situation without thinking it through. But we don’t have a choice here so we’ll do what we have to in order to save her life…Even if she hates us for it.” Nick squeezed his eyes together tightly, and Ed placed his hand on his shoulder. “It’ll be alright, son. I’ll be the one to tell her. Just…just get the others ready. She’s not gonna take this well.”

Nick nodded and quickly scurried back to where the other crew members were gathered around you. Ed watched him whisper something to the medic whose head shot up and he looked at Ed. Ed nodded his consent before slowly walking over to your side once more.

You smiled as he knelt down beside you, but it was weaker this time. Pain and exhaustion had sapped your will to put on a brave face and seeing that was the final push Ed needed to know he was making the right decision.

Squeezing your shoulder, he said, “You need medical attention as soon as possible. I was hoping…God, I was hoping we had more time or another way, but you’re losing too much blood so we have to take the only option that will free you immediately.”

“You guys had a plan for getting me outta here just like that and you hadn’t done it? What kind of friends…” Your joke died in your throat as you watched Ed bow his head. It took a moment, but Ed felt you tense beneath his hand as soon as you realized what he was saying. Your eyes grew wide and you shrunk away from Ed as much as your pinned arm would allow. “No…you can’t mean…you can’t do that.”

Ed tried to swallow the lump in his throat. “Believe me, this is the last resort. We can’t move the metal off of you which only leaves us with one option.”

“No, Ed, please! If you take my arm…that’s the end of my career. They’ll never let me in space ever again.”

He shook his head sadly. “It’s better than the end of your life if I don’t. I’m sorry. If there was any other way—”

“No! Don’t! Please! Ed…Ed, if you love me, you won’t do this.”

Ed felt every eye in the station suddenly focused on him. There of course had been rumors about the two of you—the hotshot commander and his brilliant prodigy—but there had never been any proof…until now. For two years, the two of you had managed to keep your relationship a secret but now the cat was out of the bag. However, he didn’t have time to deal with it right at that moment. Once he got you free and home safely, then he could worry about the repercussions of your relationship. Right now all he could focus on was saving your life.

Brushing a loose strand of your hair behind your ear, Ed murmured softly, “It’s because I love you that I have to do this. I’m sorry, sweetheart.”

He nodded at the medic who had just stepped up next to you. The medic drove the syringe he had prepared while you and Ed were talking into your arm even as you thrashed and begged for him not to. Almost instantly, your body fell limp and your eyes rolled back in your head as the tranquilizer took effect.

For a moment, an eerily silence filled the base. All eyes were still turned to Ed, waiting for him to give the final confirmation that they should proceed. What needed to happen was horrible enough, but the fact Ed had to be the one to make that call, that he had to say the words that would change your life forever, was almost too much to bear.

Leaning over, he pressed his lips against your sweat-drenched forehead and said a silent prayer to a God he hadn’t believed in for over a decade. Then, turning to the crew, he mumbled, “Do it.”

Unable to watch what happened next, Ed turned his back to everyone and walked to the other side of the room as one of the saws buzzed to life. Even without looking, he could hear the pitch change as the saw began to bite into your flesh and bone.

Ed had tried to visit you every day since the two of you had landed in the escape pod and you were rushed into surgery but there had been one complication after another. Your body was still used to the conditions on the moon after having been stationed there for the past three months. Even a completely healthy body took time to readjust from that, but yours had been traumatized before reentering the atmosphere only to be then thrown into the immediate chaos of anesthesia, operations, and pain. It was no wonder they almost lost you on the table three times but somehow, mercifully, you pulled through in the end.

It took almost a full day for you to wake up after surgery but when you did and saw what had been done to you, you lost it. According to the report, it took three nurses to keep you from ripping out your IVs and tearing your stitches. It even got to the point where they had to sedate you for your own safety. And Ed had to learn all of this secondhand.

He had been examined to make sure everything was alright from where he hit his head, but then they had forced him from the hospital. Apparently, word had already gotten back to Earth before the escape pod had about his relationship with you and it was determined he should be kept far away from your recovery until there was an investigation to make sure no improprieties had led to the accident. But thankfully, Molly was slipping him any information she could on your well-being.

However, every update he got just broke him more and more. This shouldn’t be happening, not to you. You…who was on the path to lead the human race to Mars and beyond as the most talented and intuitive astronaut he had ever trained. You…who had been dreaming of exploring the vast unknown of space for longer than you could remember. You…who had turned his life around when he was spiraling into his own personal blackhole and rekindled his love for his job.

You……who he had fallen hopelessly and completely in love with.

It seemed impossible that not so long ago you were both lying naked in his bed, your head resting on his heaving chest as you leisurely ran your fingers through his damp hair. The two of you had talked about what would happen after this mission including the very real possibility of moving in together, consequences be damned. Ed had never seen you so happy or peaceful.

But now—

Five days after returning to Earth, Ed was finally told you had been taken off the sedatives and he was given permission to visit you. As he walked down the empty halls towards your room, he briefly wondered if Shane had taken his last breath in a place like this. So sterile. So white. So cold and unfeeling. God, he hated hospitals!

Reaching your room, he paused outside your door as he got his first glimpse of you since returning to Earth.

Your left arm had been severed just below your elbow and layers of gauze covered the end so Ed was unable to assess how well the surgeries had gone. You were hooked up to several machines to help you readjust to being back on Earth as well as ones you needed after your operations. All of it seemed fairly standard and not too concerning. But your eyes…your eyes were a different matter.

Ed had first fallen in love with your eyes. Not the color or anything like that, but the flames blazing within them. It was a fire that burned as brilliantly as the brightest star, born out of determination and drive. And quickly, he had become addicted to your light.

But now when he looked into your eyes, there was nothing. Just the cold emptiness of space.

However, he tried his best to push that thought aside as he stepped closer. “Hey, sweetheart. You feeling up to a visitor?”

You made no indication that you had heard him. You just continued to stare out the window with that same blank, emotionless gaze. It wasn’t an invitation in the slightest, but you also hadn’t told him to fuck off and leave you alone as Ed had expected, so he slowly stepped into the room.

As he came around the side of the bed and into your line of sight, your eyes shifted slightly to avoid looking at him yet you still didn’t turn your head or make any move to hide from him. Once again, a fairly promising sign.

Ed sat down on the far end of the bed, his hand resting just a or so inch from your blanket-covered legs. He smiled softly as he asked, “How are you? I-I wanted to come see you as soon as you got outta surgery but they said…they said it wasn’t a good time. But, uh, Molly says the doctors think you’ll be able to leave by the end of the week. That’ll be nice, huh? Getting to go home to your own bed?”

You didn’t move or make any acknowledgment of his words so Ed changed the subject in the hopes of sparking some reaction. “And I know it won’t be the same, but I’ve already talked to Margo and she has a few positions in mind for you once you’re ready to come back to work. Obviously, you’ll need some time but just because you can’t go back to space doesn’t mean your career at NASA is over. You can work in Mission Control, or become one of the instructors, or Margo said you might even qualify for Chief of the Astronaut Office. I guess that would make you my boss, then.” Ed forced a chuckle as he tried to keep the mood upbeat. “It’ll be nice to work together again, even if in different positions. They know about us now—after what you said at Jamestown I couldn’t hide it—but I think it’s gonna be alright. A little slap on the wrist but nothing I can’t handle. So once you come home, we can start on those plans we had. Maybe find a new house or apartment. You know, a fresh start for both of us. I think that’d be good—”

“Please, Ed. Just go.”

Your whispered words washed over him like a freezing rain. “Sweetheart, I—”

“Please. Leave me alone. Go and don’t come back.” You squeezed your eyes together tightly as tears began slowly streaming down your face. “I don’t ever want to see you again.”

Ed felt his world shatter around him. He knew you would be upset that he had made the call to amputate your arm, that it would take time for things to go back to the way they were—if they ever did at all. He had even prepared for the possibility you wouldn’t want to see him right now. But he never imagined you would want to cut him out of your life completely.

Sliding over so he was seated right next to your uninjured arm, he said, “Listen, I can’t even imagine how you are feeling right now but I’m here for you. I wanna help however I can and I know you’re gonna come back from this. Just don’t cut me out—”

“Ed, if you’re not out of this room in the next 60 seconds, I’m calling security.”

He blinked in utter shock as he finally realized how serious you were. But, surprisingly, what hurt even more than your threatening to have him forced from the room was the fact that your words and expression were still as lifeless and flat as ever. The you he knew—the you he loved—would have been screaming, snapping, hissing with anger as you threw him from your room. But now? It seemed as if your spirit had been left with your arm back on the moon.

“Okay. I’ll go.” Leaning over, he pressed his lips against your forehead and whispered, “But you know how to find me if you change your mind. Anytime day or night, I’ll be there. Just please…don’t give up on us.”

Ed straightened up, sniffing as he wiped the corner of his eye, and forced himself to walk towards the door. It was killing him to leave you alone like this, so broken and numb, but it didn’t seem as if you were giving him any choice. He just hoped, given time, you would relent and allow him back into your life.

But just as his hand reached for the door handle, you softly whispered from the bed, “There is no us—not anymore. You made sure of that.”

Without turning around, Ed said in a firm, clear voice, “I don’t regret my decision, not as your commander or as the man who loves you. And if we really are done because of what I did, I still wouldn’t change a thing. At the end of the day...there never was a choice. Because I would rather live in a universe where you are alive to hate my guts than one where you loved me but I let you die. And nothing you say will ever make me feel differently.”

And with that, Commander Ed Baldwin walked out of your life—though he still held out the slightest of hope that the door had not locked behind him.

Taglist: @loverhymeswith, @bewitchedignition, @tavners, @merlehs, @sunshineflowerchild789, @shanimallina87, @pansexualwitchwhoneedstherapy, @katjnordstrom96, @mayhem24-7forever, @green-socks, @princessmisery666, @deppresseddyslexic

#ailesswhumptober2023 #fic #whumptober #ed baldwin #ed baldwin x reader #f!reader #reader #nick corrado #for all mankind #joel kinnaman #angst #whump #amputation tw #heartbreak tw #hospital tw #begging tw #betrayal tw #depression tw

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a-reader-and-a-writer-for-all · 1 year ago

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There Never Was a Choice

Takes place between season 2 and season 3

“Get this goddamn thing off me!”

As the other astronauts noticed him approaching, they silently moved aside, everyone avoiding his gaze. And it was then that he finally saw you.

“Am I okay?” he asked incredulously. “You’re the one currently pinned beneath heavy machinery.”

You snorted. “Where am I gonna go?”

Once your grip lessened some and you seemed to relax, Ed murmured, “Hey, I’ll be right back, okay? I just need a minute then we’ll get this figured out. Hold on.”

“What happened? Start at the beginning.” Nick opened his mouth but Ed interrupted once more. “I need the quick and concise version.”

And that was what Nick gave him.

So, taking a deep breath, he looked at Nick and asked, “So, what have you been trying to do to free her? Can we just turn the gravity off so we can push it off her?”

Nick shook his head. “We still don’t know how much damage the explosion caused. There’s a chance if we turn the gravity off, we won’t be able to turn it back on.”

Ed scrubbed his hand over his face. “Well, what about the saws we use for moon rocks? Can we cut the metal into smaller pieces and move them off?”

“We tried but it didn’t work on the metal.” But then Nick hesitated and Ed could see he wanted to say something else.

“What? What is it?” When Nick still didn’t reply, Ed took a step forward and growled in his face, “Corrado, we are not leaving her there to bleed out, so tell me what you are thinking.”

Nick swallowed heavily, then mumbled, “I’m not saying we leave her. Well…Not all of her.”

The meaning of Nick’s words hit Ed like a punch to his chest. Clenching his jaw firmly, he shook his head. “No. No, we’re not doing that.”

Nick bowed his head. “Sir—”

“No! We are not cutting off her goddam arm! Do you understand me?”

Ed tried to swallow the lump in his throat. “Believe me, this is the last resort. We can’t move the metal off of you which only leaves us with one option.”

“No, Ed, please! If you take my arm…that’s the end of my career. They’ll never let me in space ever again.”

He shook his head sadly. “It’s better than the end of your life if I don’t. I’m sorry. If there was any other way—”

“No! Don’t! Please! Ed…Ed, if you love me, you won’t do this.”

Brushing a loose strand of your hair behind your ear, Ed murmured softly, “It’s because I love you that I have to do this. I’m sorry, sweetheart.”

Leaning over, he pressed his lips against your sweat-drenched forehead and said a silent prayer to a God he hadn’t believed in for over a decade. Then, turning to the crew, he mumbled, “Do it.”

You……who he had fallen hopelessly and completely in love with.

But now—

Reaching your room, he paused outside your door as he got his first glimpse of you since returning to Earth.

But now when he looked into your eyes, there was nothing. Just the cold emptiness of space.

However, he tried his best to push that thought aside as he stepped closer. “Hey, sweetheart. You feeling up to a visitor?”

“Please, Ed. Just go.”

Your whispered words washed over him like a freezing rain. “Sweetheart, I—”

“Please. Leave me alone. Go and don’t come back.” You squeezed your eyes together tightly as tears began slowly streaming down your face. “I don’t ever want to see you again.”

“Ed, if you’re not out of this room in the next 60 seconds, I’m calling security.”

But just as his hand reached for the door handle, you softly whispered from the bed, “There is no us—not anymore. You made sure of that.”

And with that, Commander Ed Baldwin walked out of your life—though he still held out the slightest of hope that the door had not locked behind him.

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lacontroller1991 · 3 years ago

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FEBUWHUMP DAY 23: Ed Baldwin x F!Reader

Febuwhump Master List || Main Master List

Day 23: “Don’t Leave”

Warnings: 18+, General Sex warning, suggestive dialogue, unestablished relationship, FWB relationship, weed, smoking, fools in love

You collapse beside Ed in a heap of breathless giggles as he adjusts himself against the frame of the bed, trying to collect his breath as his cock begins to soften.

“How are you so good at that?” He asks, looking over to you as you pull out a small joint you grabbed from Molly and lit it, taking a deep inhale as Ed scoffs. Your raise an eyebrow, offering it to him before he takes it, bringing it to his lips and immediately coughing when he tries to inhale, causing you to laugh at his futile attempt. “That shit’s horrible.”

“I’m just shocked the Admiral Baldwin would try something as scandalous as weed,” you feign shock as he rolls his eyes, handing the joint back to you as you take another hit, relaxing slowly, oblivious to the way Ed watches you with adoration. He wishes he could tell you all the things he wants to tell you.

“Yeah, well, if you get in trouble, don’t come cryin’ to me,” your lip quivers as you sit up, pouting at your fellow astronaut.

“But, Ed, I thought that’s what we are doing this for. You help me and I help you,” his hazel eyes rake over your form, your skin peppered with little love bites that you’ll hide up for work tomorrow. “Isn’t that what we agreed?”

Ed recalls the conversation he and you had in his office. An agreement to relieve some stress in a relatively healthy manor. The agreement lead to intense, hot, sex in his office and since then, you and him always seek each other out after a rough day. He takes one of your hands in his and runs his thumb over your knuckles, gathering your attention before bringing it up to his mouth and kissing it softly. “It is.”

The action causes heat to bloom under your skin, flustering at the intimate action. Yes, you and Ed have sex, but neither of you have commented or brought up the fact that there was something else deep below the surface. You turn your head, eyeing your clothes on the floor before briefly standing up.

“Where are you goin’?” You turn back to Ed, a look of confusion on his handsome face as you dress yourself, back to him to avoid the chance that you would admit your feelings.

“I think it’s time for me to go home. I have an early morning tomorrow,” you struggle to get your jeans on, rushing to leave as Ed stumbles out of bed, hastily putting a pair of boxers on before rounding the bed and coming up behind you.

“You can stay, I can drive you in tomorrow,” he offers as you shake your head, still not facing him.

“I don't think that would be wise, Admiral,” you make for the bedroom door but Ed rushes in front of you, blocking the way out. “Ed, please move.” Tears well in your eyes in embarrassment. You should not have thought about your feelings for the man while smoking weed.

“Please, don't leave. Stay.”

“I can’t,” you whisper, a stray tear falling down your cheek. Ed takes your face in his hands and wipes away the tear.

“Why not?”

“Because I love you. I can’t keep pretending that I don't anymore. So, I think we should stop doing whatever this is.”

“You love me?” Comes his soft reply, his hazel eyes peering into yours, searching for any indication that you're lying. You nod slightly before Ed crashes his lips to yours, expertly molding his mouth to yours, licking your bottom lip for entrance before fighting your tongue for dominance. After a minute, he pulls away, leaning his head against yours, both of you trying to catch your breaths. “I’m so glad you said that. I love you too.”

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Joel Related Tag List: @aestheticallywinchester @loverhymeswith @xoxabs88xox @t-i-n-y-d-i-n-o @witchygagirl @the1redrose @ratcatcher2world @green-socks @heart-0n-fire @weallhaveadestiny @yourjacketisnowdry @rachelh1992 @a-girl-who-loves-disney @tompetersebbuckyhazleo @knivesareout @bubblegloopswampwitch @waspswidows @burntghoost @mattymurdocksbitch @bb-skyrunner @katjnordstrom96 @11thstreetvigilante

@febuwhump

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violetmuses · 2 years ago

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I Want You - Ed Baldwin (18+ MINORS DNI)

TITLE: I Want You (18+ Minors DNI) || A Edward "Ed" Baldwin One Shot

FANDOM: “For All Mankind (Apple+ Series)

CHARACTER: Edward "Ed" Baldwin

PAIRING: Edward "Ed" Baldwin + Female Reader

MAIN STORYLINE: Tonight, who do you belong to? Him.

Author’s Note: Surprise! Happy reading. As a warning, this One Shot includes SMUT content. (18+ Minors DNI) Adult themes, strong language, etc.

J Krew: @nerdysuperchick @a-reader-and-a-writer @babblydrabbly @lacontroller1991 @shadowkittybucky @loverhymeswith @justin-hammers @weallhaveadestiny @xoxabs88xox @katjnordstrom96 @mayhem24-7forever @fangirl0917 @skvatnavle @sociiallydiisoriiented @heresathreebee @alieninoklahoma @bewitchedignition @maddu-oliveira @reveluving @sugapapichulo @hodgepodge-of-rog @ijustthinkrickflagisprettyneat @ed-baldwin

__________

1972

“Where are you, girl?”

You hear his voice out of nowhere, almost lurking in the shadows like a phantom. Did phantoms even exist in space? You didn’t know and wouldn’t dare to ask him at a time like this.

“In the bedroom.” You answer obediently, quietly wishing for him to hurry up and walk past the threshold. The tone of his voice alone melts you, especially since you haven’t seen him in months between space travel.

His footsteps are so soft that you barely hear anything else move along the carpeted floor. And yet, you know that he’s there, sporting another cuffed sweater and dark slacks. Plaid shirts made him feel old, older than what he actually was.

Just when you think of saying anything else, he grabs your face with both hands, affirming this much-needed and overdue kiss. You moan right into his mouth, backpedaling every step until both of you are cornered by the rear wall, feet away from the bed.

“Every night. Thought about you every fucking night. Once he pulls away from your kisses, he lifts your chin and forces eye contact that bores right into your soul. Those hazel eyes should’ve already killed you now. “C’mere.”

You’re speechless, no longer able to function properly. You can hardly thank him for every bit of affirmation that drives this moment closer and closer to the edge.

He hasn’t even taken off your clothes. At least not yet.

Amazingly though, he’s backing you up against the wall once more and pressing his clothed erection right against your front, causing desire to already pool between your own legs.

You can’t even think straight when Ed bucks near onto you in return. He’s in desperate need of friction before he breaks and finally takes your clothes off.

Despite your own whimpers between silence, he knows that the feel is quite mutual. You’d be a fool to deny it.

“Fuck me..” You cry out at last, needing to feel his bare skin against your immediately. The bed doesn’t even matter. He could take over and over near this wall and you’d be satisfied.

Clothes heap onto that bedroom floor without hesitation and he’s suddenly gentle enough to lay you down on the bed, looming over your naked body between shadows of the nearest window panes tonight.

As much as he would love to destroy you now, he knows better. He knows just how much you love him. Giving anything short of bliss would be unacceptable.

Your wedding ring gives Ed tranquil reminders every time he comes home. You are not a toy, as much as you adore playing with him.

You are his wife. Sweet. Giving. Kind. Selfness. Damn-near perfect in his opinion.

By the time he finally plunges into your core, his need for dominance fades almost immediately, now replaced with shock and quivering peace.

You still want him. You love him and no one else.

“Shit.” His voice nearly shakes as sweat trickles onto your joined bodies with each thrust that he gives you. “My God, Baby…”

“That feels so good.” You still whimper behind him, feeling everything possible. The coil in your stomach unravels more and more, and you spill for him, coating him in warmth like the good girl you are.

“Oh, shit. I’m not gonna last, either. Fuck…” Ed warns, cumming almost as quickly as you in return.

“Oh my God.” You almost shut both eyes, heaving close enough to him as he reaches down and smooths back your hair. The eye contact you share with him now is gentler, sweeter than beforehand.

“Hi,” Between chuckling breaths, he smiles above your body, still resting within your core and peering those gorgeous hazel eyes towards you again.

“Hi,” You plan on smiling and responding, out of breath, but still wanting to answer him.

“Breakfast in the morning? I won’t burn the house down.” He jokes, kissing your cheek and resting his head on your bare chest.

“As long as I can drink my coffee in the morning, fine.” You say.

“That’s good enough for me, Sweetheart.” Ed now looks up at you as if the moon and stars had drifted from space to Earth before shining in your own amazing eyes.

There’s no better feeling in the world than being with you. Ed thinks to himself for the millionth time before drifting to sleep alongside you, his greatest love.

#smut warning #minors do not interact #minor dni #ed baldwin x reader #ed baldwin #joel kinnaman #joel kinnaman fanfiction #for all mankind #apple tv #edward baldwin #edward baldwin x f! reader

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reveluving · 2 years ago

Note

telling a stupid joke and hearing your crush laugh

This with Ed?

late night heart attacks ; ed baldwin x reader

warnings: humour & fluff (+ strong language)

a/n: not so much a stupid joke but TONS of laughs! PLEASE WATCH THIS VID (skip to 1:26 - 2:15) 'CUZ THAT'S EXACTLY WHAT YOU'RE ABOUT TO READ~ thank you & don’t forget to leave some sugar! ᐠ( ᐛ )ᐟ

» j.k. m.list , or check out my full m.list!

'His was hearty while yours was more giggly but one thing was certain; they were both equally contagious.' ;

When Ed had to stay late at the office, he wasn't expecting a surprise, let alone a heart attack.

Not literally, of course, but damn, his heart was racing faster than a Formula 1 car.

But his surprised scream didn't compare to yours, overshadowing his and echoing across the hallway when you opened his door, where he stood at the other side at the exact same time.

Boy, he was pretty sure your scream was the one that scared him, not your sudden presence. You couldn't say the same about yourself though; you just thought he was sitting at his desk. So, to be greeted by him towering over you as soon as you swung the door open at this hour?

Of course you jumped out of your skin.

All of a sudden, both of you laughed. You broke first, right after the scare. One hand over your mouth to unsuccessfully stifle yours while the other gripped the files and bag you were planning to turn in.

Ed's came in just moments; he tried to keep in at first, but just remembering how terrified you looked, with over 500 emotions in half a second, he practically bursted out laughing.

His was hearty while yours was more giggly but one thing was certain; they were both equally contagious.

None of you cared how loud and childish you were being, considering that you both knew there was no one else left for the night.

It went on for a couple more seconds before it was put to a halt when you coughed a little, followed by Ed's choking on his own saliva. As disrespectful as it sounded, you just had to get that last bit of laughter out at his karma before patting him on the back.

"Jesus, I thought you were Molly!" He placed his hand over his chest, clearing his throat with a pained smile. The pace of his heart had slowed to a normal rate by now but he was pretty sure he had enough for one day.

"Well, I didn't think you'd be behind the door!" You argued back, sniffling before wiping your tears with your free hand, "Fuck, you could’ve said ‘hello, I’m going out now!’”

You were being (slightly) serious, which was the reason why he snorted. Your stomach was aching, as was his, as if you did hundreds of sit-ups and yet, his amusement transmitted to you once again. He invited you in, closing the door behind you before walking back to the middle of the room in sheer amusement.

"Give a girl a warning next time," You placed the folders down neatly before turning around to lean against his table. Just as he approached you with the mischievous glint, you subconsciously crossed your arms out of nervousness.

"Sorry, sorry," As if he wasn't screaming with you a while ago. He placed both arms on either side of the table, flexing his arms under that too-tight dress shirt of his, "But c’mon, I thought you always said you liked it when I tower over you."

"Not when you've nearly scared the soul out of me." You muttered, prompting him to tut-tut at your pout. He tried to compensate by kissing you on the cheek.

"Might have to make it up to you, then," He moved off to grab his jacket and briefcase before you could even turn your head forward for a proper kiss, "Shall we get going?"

You continued to narrow your eyes at him, cheeks puffed up but clearly pleased by the kiss before nodding curtly. He snorted, patting you on the butt twice to move as he locked his door before walking with you with his arm wrapped around you protectively.

˚ · . f i n . · ˚

» gorgeous rose divider by the amazing @firefly-graphics ♡

#— reve's asks 🌹#— reve's reverie 🌹#ahh late night work with ed ❤#sign me tf up #ed baldwin x reader #ed baldwin x you #ed baldwin #admiral ed baldwin x reader #fem!reader #for all mankind #for all mankind fic #joel kinnaman #joel kinnaman x reader

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loverhymeswith · 2 years ago

Text

A Sky Full of Stars | Masterlist

Pairing: Ed Baldwin x F!Reader

Summary: Is Ed Baldwin really as terrifying as the rumours suggest?

Warnings: 18+ only, smut, age gap, drinking, grief, close family death

Status: In Progress

Moodboard

Chapters

One

Two

Three - coming soon

Drabbles

Sunday Morning

#ed baldwin #joel kinnaman #for all mankind #ed baldwin x you #ed baldwin x reader #ed baldwin imagine #masterlist #coming soon #for all mankind fic

65 notes · View notes

isslibrary · 4 years ago

Text

New additions to the Indian Springs School Library May thru August 2020

Bibliography

Sorted by Call Number / Author.

152.4 O

Owens, Lama Rod, 1979- author. Love and rage : the path of liberation through anger. "Reconsidering the power of anger as a positive and necessary tool for achieving spiritual liberation and social change"--.

200.973 M

Manseau, Peter. One nation, under gods : a new American history. First edition.

304.8 K

Keneally, Thomas. The great shame : and the triumph of the Irish in the English-speaking world. 1st ed. New York : Nan A. Talese, 1999.

305.5 V

Vance, J. D., author. Hillbilly elegy : a memoir of a family and culture in crisis. First Harper paperback edition. "Hillbilly Elegy is a passionate and personal analysis of a culture in crisis--that of white working-class Americans. The decline of this group, a demographic of our country that has been slowly disintegrating over forty years, has been reported on with growing frequency and alarm, but has never before been written about as searingly from the inside. J. D. Vance tells the true story of what a social, regional, and class decline feels like when you were born with it hung around your neck. The Vance family story begins hopefully in postwar America. J. D.'s grandparents were "dirt poor and in love," and moved north from Kentucky's Appalachia region to Ohio in the hopes of escaping the dreadful poverty around them. They raised a middle-class family, and eventually their grandchild (the author) would graduate from Yale Law School, a conventional marker of their success in achieving generational upward mobility. But as the family saga of Hillbilly Elegy plays out, we learn that this is only the short, superficial version. Vance's grandparents, aunt, uncle, sister, and, most of all, his mother, struggled profoundly with the demands of their new middle-class life, and were never able to fully escape the legacy of abuse, alcoholism, poverty, and trauma so characteristic of their part of America. Vance piercingly shows how he himself still carries around the demons of their chaotic family history. A deeply moving memoir with its share of humor and vividly colorful figures, Hillbilly Elegy is the story of how upward mobility really feels. And it is an urgent and troubling meditation on the loss of the American dream for a large segment of this country." -- Publisher's description.

305.8 D

DiAngelo, Robin J., author. White fragility : why it's so hard for white people to talk about racism.

305.800973 D

Dyson, Michael Eric, author. Tears we cannot stop : a sermon to white America. First edition. I. Call to worship -- II. Hymns of praise -- III. Invocation -- IV. Scripture reading -- V. Sermon -- Repenting of whiteness -- Inventing whiteness -- The five stages of white grief -- The plague of white innocence -- Being Black in America -- Nigger -- Our own worst enemy? -- Coptopia -- VI. Benediction -- VII. Offering plate -- VIII. Prelude to service -- IX. Closing prayer. "In the wake of yet another set of police killings of black men, Michael Eric Dyson wrote a tell-it-straight, no holds barred piece for the NYT on Sunday July 7: Death in Black and White (It was updated within a day to acknowledge the killing of police officers in Dallas). The response has been overwhelming. Beyoncé and Isabel Wilkerson tweeted it, JJ Abrams, among many other prominent people, wrote him a long fan letter. The NYT closed the comments section after 2,500 responses, and Dyson has been on NPR, BBC, and CNN non-stop since then. Fifty years ago Malcolm X told a white woman who asked what she could do for the cause: Nothing. Dyson believes he was wrong. In Tears We Cannot Stop, he responds to that question. If we are to make real racial progress, we must face difficult truths, including being honest about how black grievance has been ignored, dismissed or discounted. As Dyson writes: At birth you are given a pair of binoculars that see black life from a distance, never with the texture of intimacy. Those binoculars are privilege; they are status, regardless of your class. In fact the greatest privilege that exists is for white folk to get stopped by a cop and not end up dead...The problem is you do not want to know anything different from what you think you know...You think we have been handed everything because we fought your selfish insistence that the world, all of it--all its resources, all its riches, all its bounty, all its grace--should be yours first and foremost, and if there's anything left, why then we can have some, but only if we ask politely and behave gratefully"--Provided by publisher.

305.800973 G

Begin again : James Baldwin's America and its urgent lessons for our own. New York, NY : Crown; an imprint of Random House, 2020.

305.800973 O

Oluo, Ijeoma, author. So you want to talk about race. First trade paperback edition.

320.9 B

Bass, Jack. The transformation of southern politics : social change and political consequence since 1945. New York : Basic Books, c1976.

323.1196 L

Lowery, Lynda Blackmon, 1950- author. Turning 15 on the road to freedom : my story of the 1965 Selma Voting Rights March. Growing up strong and determined -- In the movement -- Jailbirds -- In the sweatbox -- Bloody Sunday -- Headed for Montgomery -- Turning 15 -- Weary and wet -- Montgomery at last -- Why voting rights? -- Discussion guide. As the youngest marcher in the 1965 voting rights march from Selma to Montgomery, Alabama, Lynda Blackmon Lowery proved that young adults can be heroes. Jailed nine times before her fifteenth birthday, Lowery fought alongside Martin Luther King, Jr. for the rights of African-Americans. In this memoir, she shows today's young readers what it means to fight nonviolently (even when the police are using violence, as in the Bloody Sunday protest) and how it felt to be part of changing American history.

364.973 U.S.

U.S. national debate topic, 2020-2021.

420 M

McCrum, Robert. The story of English. 1st American ed. New York, N.Y., U.S.A. : Viking, 1986.

488.2421 A

Balme, M. G., author. Athenaze : an introduction to ancient Greek. Revised Third edition. Book I -- Book II.

510 C

Clegg, Brian. Are numbers real? : the uncanny relationship of mathematics and the physical world.

530.092 F

F©œlsing, Albrecht, 1940-. Albert Einstein : a biography. New York : Viking Penguin: a division of Penguin Books USA, Inc, 1997. Family -- School -- A "child prodigy" -- "Vagabond and loner" : student days in Zurich -- Looking for a job -- Expert III class -- "Herr Doktor Einstein" and the reality of atoms -- The "very revolutionary" light quanta -- Relative movement : "my life for seven years" -- The theory of relativity : "a modification of the theory of space and time" -- Acceptance, opposition, tributes -- Expert II class -- From "bad joke" to "Herr Professor" -- Professor in Zurich -- Full professor in Prague, but not for long -- Toward the general theory of relativity -- From Zurich to Berlin -- "In a madhouse" : a pacifist in Prussia -- "The greatest satisfaction of my life" : the completion of the general theory of relativity -- Wartime in Berlin -- Postwar chaos and revolution -- Confirmation and the deflection of light : "the suddenly famous Dr. Einstein" -- Relativity under the spotlight -- "Traveler in relativity" -- Jewry, Zionism, and a trip to America -- More hustle, long journeys, a lot of politics, and a little physics -- Einstein receives the Nobel Prize and in consequence becomes a Prussian -- "The marble smile of implacable nature" : the search for the unified field theory -- The problems of quantum theory -- Critique of quantum mechanics -- Politics, patents, sickness, and a "wonderful egg" -- Public and private affairs -- Farewell to Berlin -- Exile in liberation -- Princeton -- Physical reality and a paradox, relativity and unified theory -- War, a letter, and the bomb -- Between bomb and equations -- "An old debt. Albert Einstein's achievements are not just milestones in the history of science; decades ago they became an integral part of the twentieth-century world in which we live. Like no other modern physicist he altered and expanded our understanding of nature. Like few other scholars, he stood fully in the public eye. In a world changing with dramatic rapidity, he embodied the role of the scientist by personal example. Albrecht Folsing, relying on previously unknown sources. And letters, brings Einstein's "genius" into focus. Whereas former biographies, written in the tradition of the history of science, seem to describe a heroic Einstein who fell to earth from heaven, Folsing attempts to reconstruct Einstein's thought in the context of the state of research at the turn of the century. Thus, perhaps for the first time, Einstein's surroundings come to light.

530.092 G

Gleick, James. Isaac Newton. 1st ed. New York : Pantheon Books, c2003.

539.7 B

Lise Meitner : Discoverer of Nuclear Fission. Greensboro, NC : Morgan Reynolds, Inc, 2000. A biography of the Austrian scientist whose discoveries in nuclear physics played a major part in developing atomic energy.

598.07 T

Watching birds : reflections on the wing. United States : Ragged Mountain Press, 2000.

811 D

Dabydeen, David. Turner : new and selected poems. 2010. Leeds : Peepal Tree Press, Ltd, 12010.

811.54 J

Jones, Ashley M., 1990- author. Dark // thing. Slurret -- //Side A: 3rd grade birthday party -- //Side B: roebuck is the ghetto -- Harriette Winslow and Aunt Rachel clean -- Collard greens on prime time television -- My grandfather returns as oil -- Elegy for Willie Lee "Murr"Lipscomb -- Proof at the Red Sea -- Sunken place sestina -- Hair -- Antiquing -- The book of Tubman -- Harriet Tubman crosses the Mason Dixon for the first time -- Avian Abecedarian -- Harriet Tubman, beauty queen or ain't I a woman? -- Broken sonnet in which Harriet is the gun -- Recitation -- What flew out of Aunt Hester's scream -- Election year 2016: the motto -- Uncle Remus syrup commemorative lynching postcard #25 -- To the black man popping a wheelie on -- Interstate 59 North on 4th of July weekend -- Red dirt suite -- Love/luv/ -- Summerstina -- Ode to Dwayne Waye, or, I want to be Whitley -- Gilbert when I grow up -- I am not selected for jury duty the week bill -- Cosby's jury selection is underway -- A small, disturbing fact -- Water -- Today, I saw a black man open his arms to the wind -- Xylography -- I see a smear of animal on the road and mistake it for philando castile -- There is a beel at morehouse college -- Dark water -- Who will survive in America? or 2017: a horror film -- In-flight entertainment -- Imitation of life -- Broken sonnet for the decorative cotton for sale at Whole Foods -- Racists in space -- When you tell me I'd be prettier with straight hair -- (Black) hair -- Kindergarten villandelle -- Song of my muhammad -- Ode to Al Jolson -- Hoghead cheese haiku -- Aunties -- Thing of a marvelous thing / It's the same as having wings. A multi-faceted work that explores the darkness/otherness by which the world sees Black people. Ashley M. Jones stares directly into the face of the racism that allows people to be seen as dark things, as objects that can be killed/enslaved/oppressed/devalued. This work, full as it is of slashes of all kinds, ultimately separates darkness from thingness, affirming and celebrating humanity.

814.6 G

Gay, Roxane, author. Bad feminist : essays. First edition. A collection of essays spanning politics, criticism, and feminism from one of the most-watched young cultural observers of her generation, Roxane Gay. "Pink is my favorite color. I used to say my favorite color was black to be cool, but it is pink, all shades of pink. If I have an accessory, it is probably pink. I read Vogue, and I'm not doing it ironically, though it might seem that way. I once live-tweeted the September issue." In these funny and insightful essays, Roxane Gay takes us through the journey of her evolution as a woman (Sweet Valley High) of color (The Help) while also taking readers on a ride through culture of the last few years (Girls, Django in Chains) and commenting on the state of feminism today (abortion, Chris Brown). The portrait that emerges is not only one of an incredibly insightful woman continually growing to understand herself and our society, but also one of our culture. Bad Feminist is a sharp, funny, and spot-on look at the ways in which the culture we consume becomes who we are, and an inspiring call-to-arms of all the ways we still need to do better.

822.3 T

the tragical history of Doctor Faustus : The Elizabethan Play. Annotated & Edited by John D. Harris, 2018. Wabasha, MN : Hungry Point Press, 2018.

822.33 Shakespeare

Major literary characters : Hamlet. New York : Chelsea House Publishers, c. 1990.

822.8 W

Wilde, Oscar, 1854-1900. An ideal husband. Mineola, N.Y. : Dover Publications, 2000.

823.914

Vincenzi, Penny, author. Windfall. 1st U.S. ed. Sensible Cassia Fallon has been married to her doctor husband for seven years when her godmother leaves her a huge fortune. For the first time in her life, she is able to do exactly as she likes, and she starts to question her marriage, her past, her present, and her future. But where did her inheritance really come from and why? Too soon the windfall has become a corrupting force, one that Cassia cannot resist.

843.8 F

Flaubert, Gustave, 1821-1880. Three tales. Oxford ; : Oxford University Press, 2009. A simple heart -- The legend of Saint Julian the Hospitaller -- Herodias.

909 S

Sachs, Jeffrey, author. The ages of globalization : geography, technology, and institutions. "Today's most urgent problems are fundamentally global. They require nothing less than concerted, planetwide action if we are to secure a long-term future. But humanity's story has always been on a global scale, and this history deeply informs the present. In this book, Jeffrey D. Sachs, renowned economist and expert on sustainable development, turns to world history to shed light on how we can meet the challenges and opportunities of the twenty-first century. Sachs takes readers through a series of six distinct waves of technological and ideological change, starting with the very beginnings of our species and ending with reflections on present-day globalization. Along the way, he considers how the interplay of geography, technology, and institutions influenced the Neolithic revolution; the spread of land-based empires; the opening of sea routes from Europe to Asia and the Americas; and the industrial age. The dynamics of these past waves, Sachs contends, give us new perspective on the ongoing processes taking place in our own time-and how we should work to guide the change we need. In light of this new understanding of globalization, Sachs emphasizes the need for new methods of international governance and cooperation to achieve economic, social, and environmental objectives aligned with sustainable development. The Ages of Globalization is a vital book for all readers aiming to make sense of our rapidly changing world"--.

937.002 B

Bing, Stanley. Rome, inc. : the rise and fall of the first multinational corporation. 1st. ed. New York : Norton, c2006.

937.63 L

Laurence, Ray, 1963-. Ancient Rome as it was : exploring the city of Rome in AD 300.

940.3 B

Brooks, Max. The Harlem Hellfighters. First edition. "From bestselling author Max Brooks, the riveting story of the highly decorated, barrier-breaking, historic black regiment--the Harlem Hellfighters. The Harlem Hellfighters is a fictionalized account of the 369th Infantry Regiment--the first African American regiment mustered to fight in World War I. From the enlistment lines in Harlem to the training camp at Spartanburg, South Carolina, to the trenches in France, bestselling author Max Brooks tells the thrilling story of the heroic journey that these soldiers undertook for a chance to fight for America. Despite extraordinary struggles and discrimination, the 369th became one of the most successful--and least celebrated--regiments of the war. The Harlem Hellfighters, as their enemies named them, spent longer than any other American unit in combat and displayed extraordinary valor on the battlefield. Based on true events and featuring artwork from acclaimed illustrator Caanan White, these pages deliver an action-packed and powerful story of courage, honor, and heart"--. "This is a graphic novel about the first African-American regiment to fight in World War One"--.

940.53 B

Browning, Christopher R., author. Ordinary men : Reserve Police Battalion 101 and the final solution in Poland. Revised edition. One morning in Józefów -- The order police -- The order police and the Final solution : Russia 1941 -- The order police and the Final solution : deportation -- Reserve Police Battalion 101 -- Arrival in Poland -- Initiation to mass muder : the Józefów massacre -- Reflections on a massacre -- Łomazy : the descent of Second Company -- The August deportations to Treblinka -- Late-September shootings -- The deportations resume -- The strange health of Captain Hoffmann -- The "Jew hunt" -- The last massacres : "Harvest festival" -- Aftermath -- Germans, Poles, and Jews -- Ordinary men. In the early hours of July 13, 1942, the men of Reserve Police Battalion 101, a unit of the German Order Police, entered the Polish Village of Jozefow. They had arrived in Poland less than three weeks before, most of them recently drafted family men too old for combat service--workers, artisans, salesmen, and clerks. By nightfall, they had rounded up Jozefow's 1,800 Jews, selected several hundred men as "work Jews," and shot the rest--that is, some 1,500 women, children, and old people. Most of these overage, rear-echelon reserve policemen had grown to maturity in the port city of Hamburg in pre-Hitler Germany and were neither committed Nazis nor racial fanatics. Nevertheless, in the sixteen months from the Jozefow massacre to the brutal Erntefest ("harvest festival") slaughter of November 1943, these average men participated in the direct shooting deaths of at least 38,000 Jews and the deportation to Treblinka's gas chambers of 45,000 more--a total body count of 83,000 for a unit of less than 500 men. Drawing on postwar interrogations of 210 former members of the battalion, Christopher Browning lets them speak for themselves about their contribution to the Final Solution--what they did, what they thought, how they rationalized their behavior (one man would shoot only infants and children, to "release" them from their misery). In a sobering conclusion, Browning suggests that these good Germans were acting less out of deference to authority or fear of punishment than from motives as insidious as they are common: careerism and peer pressure. With its unflinching reconstruction of the battalion's murderous record and its painstaking attention to the social background and actions of individual men, this unique account offers some of the most powerful and disturbing evidence to date of the ordinary human capacity for extraordinary inhumanity.

940.54 S

Snyder, Timothy. Bloodlands : Europe between Hitler and Stalin. New York : Basic Books, c2010. Hitler and Stalin -- The Soviet famines -- Class terror -- National terror -- Molotov-Ribbentrop Europe -- The economics of apocalypse -- Final solution -- Holocaust and revenge -- The Nazi death factories -- Resistance and incineration -- Ethnic cleansings -- Stalinist antisemitism -- Humanity.

951.03 S

The search for modern China : a documentary collection. Third edition.

973 M

Meacham, Jon, author. The soul of America : the battle for our better angels. First edition. Introduction : To hope rather than to fear -- The confidence of the whole people : visions of the Presidency, the ideas of progress and prosperity, and "We, the people" -- The long shadow of Appomattox : the Lost Cause, the Ku Klux Klan, and Reconstruction -- With soul of flame and temper of steel : "the melting pot," TR and his "bully pulpit," and the Progressive promise -- A new and good thing in the world : the triumph of women's suffrage, the Red Scare, and a new Klan -- The crisis of the old order : the Great Depression, Huey Long, the New Deal, and America First -- Have you no sense of decency? : "making everyone middle class," the GI Bill, McCarthyism, and modern media -- What the hell is the presidency for? : "segregation forever," King's crusade, and LBJ in the crucible -- Conclusion : The first duty of an American citizen. "We have been here before. In this timely and revealing book, ... author Jon Meacham helps us understand the present moment in American politics and life by looking back at critical times in our history when hope overcame division and fear. With clarity and purpose, Meacham explores contentious periods and how presidents and citizens came together to defeat the forces of anger, intolerance, and extremism. Our current climate of partisan fury is not new, and in The Soul of America Meacham shows us how what Abraham Lincoln called 'the better angels of our nature' have repeatedly won the day. Painting surprising portraits of Lincoln and other presidents, including Ulysses S. Grant, Theodore Roosevelt, Woodrow Wilson, Franklin D. Roosevelt, Harry S. Truman, Dwight Eisenhower, and Lyndon B. Johnson, and illuminating the courage of such influential citizen activists as Martin Luther King, Jr., early suffragettes Alice Paul and Carrie Chapman Catt, civil rights pioneers Rosa Parks and John Lewis, First Lady Eleanor Roosevelt, and Army-McCarthy hearings lawyer Joseph N. Welch, Meacham brings vividly to life turning points in American history. He writes about the Civil War, Reconstruction, and the birth of the Lost Cause; the backlash against immigrants in the First World War and the resurgence of the Ku Klux Klan in the 1920s; the fight for women's rights; the demagoguery of Huey Long and Father Coughlin and the isolationist work of America First in the years before World War II; the anti-Communist witch-hunts led by Senator Joseph McCarthy; and Lyndon Johnson's crusade against Jim Crow. Each of these dramatic hours in our national life has been shaped by the contest to lead the country to look forward rather than back, to assert hope over fear--a struggle that continues even now. While the American story has not always--or even often--been heroic, we have been sustained by a belief in progress even in the gloomiest of times. In this inspiring book, Meacham reassures us, "The good news is that we have come through such darkness before"--as, time and again, Lincoln's better angels have found a way to prevail."--Dust jacket.

976.1 S

Smith, Petric J., 1940-. Long time coming : an insider's story of the Birmingham church bombing that rocked the world. 1st ed. Birmingham, Ala. : Crane Hill, 1994.

F Bir

Birch, Anna, author. I kissed Alice. First. "Fan Girl meets Simon vs. The Homo Sapiens Agenda in this #ownvoices LGBTQ romance about two rivals who fall in love online"--.

F Bra

Bradbury, Ray, 1920-2012, author. Fahrenheit 451. Simon & Schuster trade paperback edition, 60th anniversary edition. Introduction / by Neil Gaiman -- Fahrenheit 451. The hearth and the salamander ; The sieve and the sand ; Burning bright. History, context, and criticism / edited by Jonathan R. Eller. pt. 1. The story of Fahrenheit 451. The story of Fahrenheit 451 / by Jonathan R. Eller ; From The day after tomorrow: why science fiction? (1953) / by Ray Bradbury ; Listening library audio introduction (1976) / by Ray Bradbury ; Investing dimes: Fahrenheit 451 (1982, 1989) / by Ray Bradbury ; Coda (1979) / by Ray Bradbury -- pt. 2. Other voices. The novel. From a letter to Stanley Kauffmann / by Nelson Algren ; Books of the times / by Orville Prescott ; From New wine, old bottles / by Gilbert Highet ; New novels / by Idris Parry ; New fiction / by Sir John Betjeman ; 1984 and all that / by Adrian Mitchell ; From New maps of hell / by Sir Kingsley Amis ; Introduction to Ray Bradbury's Fahrenheit 451 / by Harold Bloom ; Fahrenheit 451 / by Margaret Atwood ; The motion picture. Shades of Orwell / by Arthur Knight ; From The journal of Fahrenheit 451 / by Fran©ʹois Truffaut. In a future totalitarian state where books are banned and destroyed by the government, Guy Montag, a fireman in charge of burning books, meets a revolutionary schoolteacher who dares to read and a girl who tells him of a past when people did not live in fear ... This sixtieth-anniversary edition commemorates Ray Bradbury's masterpiece with a new introduction by Neil Gaiman ; personal essays on the genesis of the novel by the author; a wealth of critical essays and reviews by Nelson Algren, Harold Bloom, Margaret Atwood, and others; rare manuscript pages and sketches from Ray Bradbury's personal archive; and much more ... --- From back cover.

F DeL

White noise. 2009; with an introduction by Richard Powers. New York, NY : Penguin Books, 2009.

F Gri

Grisham, John, author. Camino Island. First edition. Bruce Cable owns a popular bookstore in the sleepy resort town of Santa Rosa on Camino Island in Florida. He makes his real money, though, as a prominent dealer in rare books. Very few people know that he occasionally dabbles in the black market of stolen books and manuscripts. Mercer Mann is a young novelist with a severe case of writer's block who has recently been laid off from her teaching position. She is approached by an elegant, mysterious woman working for an even more mysterious company. A generous offer of money convinces Mercer to go undercover and infiltrate Bruce Cable's circle of literary friends, ideally getting close enough to him to learn his secrets. But eventually Mercer learns far too much.--Adapted from book jacket.

F Hem

Hemingway, Ernest, 1899-1961, author. The sun also rises. The Hemingway library edition. The novel -- Appendix I: Pamplona, July 1923 -- Appendix II: Early drafts -- Appendix III: The discarded first chapters -- Appendix IV: List of possible titles. A profile of the Lost Generation captures life among the expatriates on Paris' Left Bank during the 1920s, the brutality of bullfighting in Spain, and the moral and spiritual dissolution of a generation.

F Hur

Hurston, Zora Neale. Their eyes were watching god. 1st Harper Perennial Modern Classics ed. New York : Harper Perennial Modern Classics, 2006. Foreword / Edwidge Danticat -- Their eyes were watching God -- Afterword / Henry Louis Gates, Jr. -- Selected bibliography -- Chronology. A novel about black Americans in Florida that centers on the life of Janie and her three marriages.

F Kid

Kidd, Sue Monk. The invention of wings. The story follows Hetty "Handful" Grimke, a Charleston slave, and Sarah, the daughter of the wealthy Grimke family. The novel begins on Sarah's eleventh birthday, when she is given ownership over Handful, who is to be her handmaid, and follows the next thirty-five years of their lives. Inspired in part by the historical figure of Sarah Grimke (a feminist, suffragist and, importantly, an abolitionist), the author allows herself to go beyond the record to flesh out the inner lives of all the characters, both real and imagined. -- Provided by publisher. "Hetty 'Handful' Grimke, an urban slave in early nineteenth century Charleston, yearns for life beyond the suffocating walls that enclose her within the wealthy Grimke household. The Grimke's daughter, Sarah, has known from an early age she is meant to do something large in the world, but she is hemmed in by the limits imposed on women. The novel is set in motion on Sarah's eleventh birthday, when she is given ownership of ten year old Handful, who is to be her handmaid. We follow their remarkable journeys over the next thirty five years, as both strive for a life of their own, dramatically shaping each other's destinies and forming a complex relationship marked by guilt, defiance, estrangement and the uneasy ways of love. As the stories build to a riveting climax, Handful will endure loss and sorrow, finding courage and a sense of self in the process. Sarah will experience crushed hopes, betrayal, unrequited love, and ostracism before leaving Charleston to find her place alongside her fearless younger sister, Angelina, as one of the early pioneers in the abolition and women's rights movements. Inspired by the historical figure of Sarah Grimke, the author goes beyond the record to flesh out the rich interior lives of all of her characters, both real and invented, including Handful's cunning mother, Charlotte, who courts danger in her search for something better. This novel looks with unswerving eyes at a devastating wound in American history, through women whose struggles for liberation, empowerment, and expression will leave no reader unmoved. -- Publisher's description.

F Nab

Vladimir Nabokov. Glory. United States : McGraw-Hill International, Inc, 1971.

F Orw

Orwell, George, 1903-1950. 1984. Signet Classics. New York, NY : Berkley: an imprint of Penguin Random House, LLC, c. 1977. "Eternal warfare is the price of bleak prosperity in this satire of totalitarian barbarism."--ARBookFind.

F Sal

Salinger, J. D. (Jerome David), 1919-2010. Nine stories. 1st Back Bay pbk. ed. Boston : Back Bay Books/Little, Brown, 2001, c1991. A perfect day for bananafish -- Uncle wiggily in Connecticut -- Just before the war with the Eskimos -- The laughing man -- Down at the dinghy -- For Esme--with love and squalor -- Pretty mouth and green my eyes -- De Daumier-Smith's blue period -- Teddy. Salinger's classic collection of short stories is now available in trade paperback.

F Tho

Thomas, Angie, author. The hate u give. First edition. "Sixteen-year-old Starr Carter moves between two worlds: the poor neighborhood where she lives and the fancy suburban prep school she attends. The uneasy balance between these worlds is shattered when Starr witnesses the fatal shooting of her childhood best friend Khalil at the hands of a police officer. Khalil was unarmed. Soon afterward, his death is a national headline. Some are calling him a thug, maybe even a drug dealer and a gangbanger. Protesters are taking to the streets in Khalil's name. Some cops and the local drug lord try to intimidate Starr and her family. What everyone wants to know is: what really went down that night? And the only person alive who can answer that is Starr. But what Starr does or does not say could upend her community. It could also endanger her life"--.

F Tho

Thomas, Angie, author. On the come up. First edition. Sixteen-year-old Bri hopes to become a great rapper, and after her first song goes viral for all the wrong reasons, must decide whether to sell out or face eviction with her widowed mother.

F Tol

The Hobbit : or There and Back Again. First U.S. edition; Illus. by Jemima Catlin, 2013. New York, NY : HarperCollins Publishers, 2013.

F Ver

Around the world in 80 days. Classics. Trans. by Geo. M. Towle. Lexington, KY, : October 29. 2019.

F Ver

Around the world in 80 days. Illustrated First Edition. Translated by Geo. M. Towle. Orinda, CA : SeaWolf Press, 2018.

F. Gri

Belfry Holdings, Inc. (Charlottesville, Virginia), author. Camino winds : a novel. Hardcover. "#1 New York Times bestselling author John Grisham returns to Camino Island in this irresistible page-turner that's as refreshing as an island breeze. In Camino Winds, mystery and intrigue once again catch up with novelist Mercer Mann, proving that the suspense never rests-even in paradise"--.

SC A

Alomar, Osama, 1968- author, translator. The teeth of the comb & other stories.

SC Mac

Machado, Carmen Maria, author. Her body and other parties : stories. Contains short stories about the realities of women's lives and the violence visited upon their bodies. "In Her Body and Other Parties, Carmen Maria Machado blithely demolishes the arbitrary borders between psychological realism and science fiction, comedy and horror, fantasy and fabulism. While her work has earned her comparisons to Karen Russell and Kelly Link, she has a voice that is all her own. In this electric and provocative debut, Machado bends genre to shape startling narratives that map the realities of women's lives and the violence visited upon their bodies. A wife refuses her husband's entreaties to remove the green ribbon from around her neck. A woman recounts her sexual encounters as a plague slowly consumes humanity. A salesclerk in a mall makes a horrifying discovery within the seams of the store's prom dresses. One woman's surgery-induced weight loss results in an unwanted houseguest. And in the bravura novella 'Especially Heinous,' Machado reimagines every episode of Law & Order: Special Victims Unit, a show we naïvely assumed had shown it all, generating a phantasmagoric police procedural full of doppelgängers, ghosts, and girls with bells for eyes. Earthy and otherworldly, antic and sexy, queer and caustic, comic and deadly serious, Her Body and Other Parties swings from horrific violence to the most exquisite sentiment. In their explosive originality, these stories enlarge the possibilities of contemporary fiction." -- Publisher's description.

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a-reader-and-a-writer · 1 year ago

Note

Don't mind me, just working through Joel's characters 😅 what about Ed Baldwin and amputation? 😬

This was such an inspiring request!!! Thank you so much!!! 😍😍😍

And though it maybe didn't go quite how you might have expected when you sent the ask, I think you'll enjoy this! 😉 (and keep the above GIF in mind for the very start of the fic!)

#thanks!#friend ask #whumptober #ed baldwin #ed baldwin x reader #f!reader #reader #nick corrado #for all mankind #joel kinnaman #angst #whump #amputation tw #heartbreak tw #hospital tw #begging tw #betrayal tw #depression tw

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a-reader-and-a-writer-for-all · 2 years ago

Text

Masterlist

🌟= new post

🤕= Whump 😥 = Angst 😘= Fluff/ Relationship

✍= reader insert ✉️ = ask/ request

Whumptober 2022 Fics Masterlist

Whumptober 2022 GIFs Masterlist

AMOW's Winter Whumperland 2022 Masterlist

Top Gun Masterlist:

Rooster

Hangman

Bob

Phoenix

Fanboy

DC Masterlist:

Batman/Batfamily

Rick Flag

Christopher Smith

Adrian Chase

Miscellaneous

Marvel Masterlist:

Bucky Barnes (Winter Soldier)

Peter Parker (Spider-Man)

Matt Murdock (Daredevil)

Frank Castle (The Punisher)

Miscellaneous

Star Wars Masterlist:

Poe Dameron

Mandalorian (Din Djarin)

Kylo Ren (Ben Solo)

Miscellaneous

Joel Kinnaman Masterlist:

Rick Flag

Takeshi Kovacs

Stephen Holder

Ed Baldwin

Lewis Pullman Masterlist:

Bob

Rhett Abbott

Miles Miller

Harrison Knott

OTHER

Like a Thief in the Night (Ongoing The Thief x f!reader Series) 😘 😥 ✍

He claims to be the greatest thief in the world. You say otherwise. A challenge is issued to settle the matter once and for all. But in the end, only one thief will come out on top.

The Blade of Eternity (Ardeth Bay x Reader) 😥 ✍

When you and Ardeth learn of someone trying to steal the Blade of Eternity, you rush to stop them. But are you too late?

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itsfinancethings · 4 years ago

Link

The last two months have been tough for business at Eso Won Books in Los Angeles. The store, which opened in 1990, specializes in African-American literature and has never had to close its doors to the public for such a long time before. But it was forced to do so when the coronavirus pandemic hit in March. And while its staff has been taking online orders in the meantime and re-opened for walk-in customers last week, recent days have seen another major change. “Since Friday, we’ve had close to 500 online orders for about eight to 10 different books on antiracism and race,” says Eso Won’s co-founder James Fugate. “It’s been overwhelming.”

As protests against racial injustice and police brutality have spread across the U.S. and beyond after the killings of George Floyd, Breonna Taylor and Ahmaud Arbery, the demand for books about race and antiracism internationally has soared. Ibram X. Kendi’s How to Be an Anti-Racist, Reni Eddo-Lodge’s Why I’m No Longer Talking to White People About Race and Ijeoma Oluo’s So You Want to Talk About Race are just a few of the titles that have sold out on Amazon in the U.S., with some third party sellers hiking up prices to more than $50 for paperback copies.

All three of those authors have pointed readers in the direction of independent booksellers, and black-owned bookstore owners in particular say they’ve noticed a difference in sales over the weekend. “We’ve seen a tremendous increase, and I think it really is stemming from white people,” says Ramunda Lark Young, co-founder of Washington-based MahoganyBooks, an independent bookstore specializing in books written for, by or about people from the African diaspora. “In light of recent events, a lot of people are now feeling a very visceral response in how they show up in this world, and how they see it from our lens.”

Other titles with new popularity include Layla F. Saad’s Me and White Supremacy and Robin DiAngelo and Michael Eric Dyson’s White Fragility: Why It’s So Hard for White People to Talk About Racism, as well as older books like James Baldwin’s The Fire Next Time and Michelle Alexander’s The New Jim Crow. Popular posts on social media have highlighted anti-racist reading lists, and selections compiled by Kendi gained attention over the weekend.

For black booksellers and publishers who have been promoting these titles for years, it’s encouraging that people are now turning to books to further their own knowledge, rather than expecting the black community to educate them. Ramunda Young, who co-founded MahoganyBooks with her husband, Derrick Young, says the uptick in sales has stemmed from people asking themselves, “How do I take it upon myself to go and read, go learn and go study, rather than expect those experiences to come from the mouths of black people?”

“There has been real progress with people being made aware of the state of racial issues in the country,” Fugate says. “All my life, I’ve heard and learned about these things. But the more people become aware, the more they can talk about these issues with their families, their friends and their kids.”

The spike of interest in books about race extends beyond the U.S. In Britain, it’s a similar conversation. “A lot of people now are looking in the mirror at themselves,” says Aimée Felone, co-founder of Knights Of and Round Table Books, a children’s publisher and bookshop based in London specializing in diverse stories for kids. U.K.-based publisher Sharmaine Lovegrove, says the dozen or so big-hitting titles that have been circulating on social media are a good starting point for understanding racism, but, she adds, the work of allies has to go beyond that, particularly at a traumatic time for black communities both in the U.S. and abroad. Lovegrove’s imprint Dialogue Books publishes writers from diverse backgrounds, and over the weekend, shared its own reading list via its social media accounts in response to recent events. “Why I’m Longer Talking to White People About Race is a great primer, and Me and White Supremacy is a great toolbook, but then what happens?” she says, adding that buying diverse books from different genres is more effective than “one book that tells them what they’ve got to do and makes them think they’ve done the work.”

Beyond reading the more well-known books, Lovegrove encourages readers to seek out novels and short stories by black authors that show the diversity of experience. “Each life is unique and entirely different, and fiction is the best way to take all of that learning from those toolbooks and bring it into practice with understanding the nuance of blackness,” she says. “It’s better to read than to slide into your one black friend’s DMs and ask them how they’re feeling, because we were feeling like this last week. It’s really triggering and really upsetting.”

And for some, the increased demand for books about race and antiracism being sparked by extreme injustice and violence is bittersweet. “I hate that people have to lose a family member or a loved one to instigate other people to be proactive and understand their own biases,” says MahoganyBooks’ Derrick Young.

For Felone in London, the recent surge is a reminder that people weren’t already doing the work they should have been. “While this moment of realization is a great thing, there’s been a long time prior where people haven’t had their eyes opened,” she says. “I do wonder how that feeds into the younger generation.”

Booksellers and publishers are quick to point out that the work may start with reading a book, but it can’t end there. Supporting black-owned bookshops over a sustained period of time and having conversations about the books in question are crucial, Ramunda Young says. “Hopefully people are taking a moment to really look at how they have missed a lot of the marks in engaging with the black community. If you’re really serious about changing, contributing and impacting the larger world, pay those organizations that have been supporting and focusing on this work for years.”

TIME asked the booksellers and publishers interviewed for this article for their further reading recommendations. Here, 13 books on race and antiracism to read right now.

History and Journalism

Conversations in Black: On Politics, Power and Leadership, Ed Gordon (2020)

Journalist Ed Gordon brings together prominent voices in black America to discuss the future of black leadership. “This book is a great opportunity to be a fly on the wall in a conversation amongst over 40 different leaders, entertainers and entrepreneurs,” says Ramunda Young. “People can get a real holistic sense of the topics we engage with all the time.”

55, Underemployed and Faking Normal: Your Guide to a Better Retirement Life, Elizabeth White (2019)

Elizabeth White’s 2019 book is a deeply researched resource providing practical solutions with a focus on retirement and maximizing savings. “This takes a look at a lot of the things that come to black people financially, and COVID-19 has kind of peeled back that really dire state that we are in,” Ramunda Young says. “It’s a really personal story, and it’s one not just black people can relate to.”

An African American and Latinx History of the United States, Paul Ortiz (2018)

Paul Ortiz offers an intersectional history of the shared struggle for African American and Latinx civil rights, spanning two centuries. “This moment is not just about reading books on antiracism, it’s about reading books about our history,” says Derrick Young. “This book is incredible because essentially Ortiz is sending everyone back to high school history, and explaining history from the perspective not of the conquerors, but the people who were the victims of brutality, slavery and annexations, and how they fought back.”

Chokehold: Policing Black Men, Paul Butler (2017)

Former prosecutor Paul Butler examines modern American policing and how criminal justice laws and practices impact black men. “His book is really the best book I’ve read in the last 10 years about race relations in the U.S.,” James Fugate says. In it, Butler describes his own encounters with the police.

Memoir

What Doesn’t Kill You Makes You Blacker: A Memoir in Essays, Damon Young (2019)

This memoir-in-essays offers a look at what it means to be black and male in America, by the co-founder of the news and culture website VerySmartBrothas.com. “This book breaks down some of the stereotypes about black men, where the author talks about all of his vulnerabilities, self-esteem issues and how he deals with confronting what the world has told him he is,” Derrick Young says. “Black men are dealing with this mask that has been forced on us, and that’s not who we are.”

Between the World and Me, Ta-Nehisi Coates (2015)

James Fugate recommends Between the World and Me, written in the form of a letter from Ta-Nehisi Coates to his teenage son. It chronicles Coates’ life growing up as a young man in Baltimore and his journey to becoming a writer. In 2014, Coates’ article for the Atlantic, ‘The Case for Reparations,’ gained widespread attention and in 2019, he testified in a U.S. House of Representatives hearing on the topic.

Fiction

Rainbow Milk, Paul Mendez (2020)

Lovegrove recommends Mendez’s debut novel, published by her imprint Dialogue Books. The book follows 19-year-old Jesse McCarthy, a young black man in Britain as he grapples with his racial and sexual identities. “It takes really big concepts — a black, gay Jehovah’s Witness boy leaves his family and becomes a sex worker in London — and it’s written with such humility and such beauty that it’s really engaging for the reader,” Lovegrove says.

The Water Dancer, Ta-Nehisi Coates (2019)

The Water Dancer is Coates’ debut novel, set in a surrealist version of the 19th-century Deep South and features a protagonist with superpowers. “It has a lot of magical realism to it, and I just loved that,” says Fugate.

Children’s and Young Adult

Recommended by Aimée Felone.

This Book is Anti-Racist: 20 Lessons on How to Wake Up, Take Action, and Do the Work by Tiffany Jewell (2020)

“I felt completely powerless when I was young. I was able to identify racism and injustice, but did not have the language to talk about it and definitely did not know how to stand-up, especially against racist adults,” antiracism educator Tiffany Jewell said in an interview for World Book Day. Her debut book is designed to do just that: equip young people with the tools they need to be actively antiracist.

Anti-Racist Baby, Ibram X. Kendi (2020)

This upcoming picture book from the best-selling author of the moment, Kendi, shows kids nine steps to building a more equitable and antiracist world. It will be published June 16.

Stamped: Racism, Antiracism, and You by Jason Reynolds and Ibram X. Kendi (2020)

An adaptation of Kendi’s Stamped From the Beginning targeted at young adults, this collaboration between the original author and celebrated children’s writer Jason Reynolds seeks to explain why young people are growing up in a world of racism, and what they can do about it.

Brown Girl Dreaming, Jacqueline Woodson (2014)

National Book Award-winning author Jacqueline Woodson tells the story of her childhood through poetry, detailing her experiences as a black girl growing up in 1960s South Carolina and New York.

A is for Activist, Innosanto Nagara (2013)

Innosanto Nagara initially wrote, illustrated and self-published this board book for his own children out of a desire to see a progressive book about the alphabet for younger children. It has since become a bestseller, with over 125,000 copies in print.

#IFTTT #Blogger

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thegloober · 6 years ago

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Asian Americans and Affirmative Action

I remember going to see The Joy Luck Club during my first year in college with a group of students from my residence hall, all of whom were white. I don’t think I’d ever seen the intensity of parental expectations on screen in quite that way, an intensity that reminded me of my own family dynamics. I was wiping away tears as the film ended, only to hear the kids I’d come with say things like, “That was dumb … let’s go get Taco Bell.”

That was one of the first times I realized that my childhood and adolescence were Asian American in distinctive ways, and that stories like mine were rarely represented in literature, art and film. This meant at least two things: 1) I did not have the pleasure of seeing and exploring my own experience in artistic ways; and 2) other Americans were left in the dark about an important identity community in their nation.

As regular readers of this blog know by now, my interest in exploring the experience of being othered in America caused me to turn to minority writers, largely black folks. I ate up James Baldwin and Malcolm X, and did the translations in my head. They felt like outsiders in ways A, B and C; I felt like an outsider in ways D, E and F. These black writers and activists were like godparents to me, and I wondered why there were comparatively few such Asian American voices.

I’ve been thinking back to these experiences as I’ve been reading about the Asian American affirmative action wars at Harvard . I think it’s a fascinating situation because you have large and vocal groups of people who are part of the same broad ethnic category on different sides of an issue that is sacred to progressives. Among other things, this situation highlights that ethnic groups don’t march in monolith and they don’t always and easily line up with progressive positions.

I’m a bit skeptical of the progressive claims that the Asian Americans against affirmative action are simply being duped by white conservatives like Edward Blum (although I find Blum a pretty odious figure). The main reason for my skepticism is that a big part of the diversity progressive credo is to listen to people of color and their analysis of the situation. If we progressives only want to listen when those communities hold progressive positions and insist on claiming that conservative views among minorities are somehow inevitably the result of manipulation, then we can rightly be accused of only wanting to listen to ourselves in various accents.

Generally speaking, I am a supporter of affirmative action in a “thumb on the scale” sense, meaning that I don’t like the idea of strict quotas, but I do think it is important for various sectors (higher education, the corporate world, Hollywood) to be proactive about addressing underrepresentation of minorities and historic oppression. It is important for a diverse society to have diverse leadership and diverse representation, although I think these values need to be balanced with other values.

Diversity progressives like me generally think that oppression and underrepresentation go hand in hand, meaning that where there is smoke (underrepresentation), there is fire (oppression).

This generally fits neatly into other categories that diversity progressives like to use: white folks and people of color. The logic goes, white people do the oppressing through racism, people of color experience it and are not only personally hurt by it but also shut out of important arenas like elite higher education.

If this logic model holds, how then do we regard the situation at Harvard and other elite universities, where one group that is subject to racism (Asian-Americans) is way overrepresented and other groups subject to racism (African-Americans and Latinos) are woefully under-represented?

Amongst other things, I think the case reveals that the two-dimensional take on identity politics — racism and white supremacy act on racial minorities in ways that create clear fault lines and simple solidarity blocks (like people of color vs white people) – is simply not true to reality.

The world is (thankfully) both more interesting and complicated than that. It is important to remember that the category “people of color” includes the vast majority of the human race – just about everybody outside of the white populations of Europe, the United States, Australia, Canada and New Zealand. The category Asian American includes people who hail from nearly 50 nations, many of which are sworn enemies. There is a measure of usefulness in using these categories, but only if we recognize that they are shorthand and conceal all sorts of internal differences.

Situations where Asian Americans find themselves on opposite sides, like affirmative action at elite universities, are an opportunity to explore the fascinating internal complications of categories like “Asian American” and “people of color,” and the diverse ways that racism affects various minority communities.

African Americans, for example, are underrepresented at elite universities. This is a problem and it needs to be addressed – both in the admissions process at those universities (for which I support some version of affirmative action short of strict quotas) and, more importantly, upstream, in the stunningly unjust manner in which public schools are funded.

But African Americans are not especially underrepresented in broader American culture. Sports, music, fashion, literature, film, television – everywhere you turn, black people are contributing, making life better and more interesting for all of us.

Asian Americans, on the other hand, have only recently broken through in these cultural arenas, at least in appreciable numbers and visible ways.

My advocacy/activist take on the affirmative action question is that Harvard ought to make sure that all racial groups in the United States are reasonably represented, both for the educational experience of its students and also because Harvard graduates a disproportionate number of elite leaders for our society, and a multicultural society needs a multicultural cast of leaders. Somehow, Harvard has to figure out how to shape racially diverse classes in a manner that doesn’t downgrade the “personality rating” of Asian Americans in the admissions process, which, if it’s true, is deeply offensive.

Hollywood, for its part, needs to make more films like The Joy Luck Club (which I liked a lot better than Crazy Rich Asians).

But I think the more interesting questions are in those grey, complicated areas: how and why does racism affect various minority groups so differently (lots of Asian Americans in elite higher ed, not so many visibly in the culture; fewer African Americans at top universities, lots of representation in the culture).

What factors other than racism, such as community expectations, might be at play?

These are the questions that don’t lend themselves to easy answers or binary positions, but rather to rigorous research and deep thinking – the work that intellectuals are best suited to do.

Source: https://bloghyped.com/asian-americans-and-affirmative-action/

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a-reader-and-a-writer · 2 years ago

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History Repeats Itself

Fandom: For All Mankind, Ed Baldwin, f!Reader

Word Count: 1800

TW: angst, fluff, hurt/comfort, pain, bruises, injuries, car accident, hospital, mentions of past loss

Notes: Thank you to @loverhymeswith for the request “You're the one in pain and yet you're still trying to comfort me” for Ed and for beta reading!

Set between Season 1 and Season 2. SPOILERS FOR SEASON 1

When Ed received the call, he felt as if his world had ended for the second time in his life. He slowly lowered the phone as he tried to force air into his burning lungs. This can’t be happening. Not again. It just can’t be. I can’t lose her too.

Gordo silently slid the phone from his best friend’s hands and listened as a doctor provided him with all the details of what happened. You had been driving home from work the night before when another car came roaring out of the darkness and collided with you head-on. You were hurt – badly – but the doctors were confident you would make a full recovery.

It was only after that last bit of information that Ed took a huge, gasping breath. You were going to be okay. This wasn’t like last time because you were going to make it.

NASA wasn’t happy about letting him leave Cape Canaveral and his mission prep to fly back to Houston but given the circumstances, they didn’t really have a choice. Ed made it very clear he was leaving, one way or another. And after how they behaved last time something like this happened, they were reluctant to fight him on it. So, within the hour of receiving the call, Admiral Ed Baldwin was on a plane home.

The entire flight, Ed couldn’t stop thinking about you or about the last time he had been forced to endure a similar situation. Another car, another accident, another person he loved more than life itself laying in a hospital while he was miles and miles away. But this time would be different because everyone told him you were going to be okay. Of course….. they had lied to him last time.

Almost seven hours later, Ed finally made it to the hospital. As he entered your room, his mind once again flickered back to the last accident. Ed wondered if this was what he had looked like laying in his hospital bed hooked up to monitors and machines. Yet while he never opened his eyes again after his accident, yours flickered open as Ed approached the bed, a tired smile weakly pulling at your lips. Softly you mumbled, “You’re here.”

Ed tried his best to give you a comforting smile in return as he whispered, “Yeah, sweetheart. I’m here.”

As carefully as he could, he took the hand not coated in plaster as he settled into the seat beside your bed. Though he had been briefed on your injuries before he arrived, Ed was horrified to see the extent of the damage with his own eyes. Apparently, your face had smashed into the steering wheel when you were hit. While your nose was now set and wrapped in gauze, there was no way to cover the deep reds and purples surrounding your beautiful eyes like a mask. Ed could see more bruises stretching from your left shoulder and disappearing underneath your hospital gown caused by the seat belt. As you tried to sit up further, you flinched and grabbed your side. Probably due to your cracked ribs.

However, when you spoke again your voice was a little stronger though nasally and hoarse. “I’m so sorry, Eddie. I didn’t mean for this to happen or for you to have to come home.”

“No, sweetheart, this isn’t on you. That asshole was drunk and came outta nowhere. There was nothing you could have done.”

Your lip began to quiver slightly. “But I totaled your car. I know how much you love that thing.”

Ed’s Corvette was his pride and joy and it had taken you months to finally convince him to let you drive it when he was out of town. And while he would miss it, it didn’t matter at the moment. “Not as much as I love you. And if I had to lose one of you, it would be the car every damn time.” He gently kissed your knuckles before chuckling deep in his chest. “Besides, NASA’s owed me a newer model for years. This’ll finally make ‘em hand it over.”

You started to laugh, but it quickly shifted into a gasp of pain as you clutched at your side once more. Ed’s brow furrowed as he watched, helpless to do anything to ease your suffering. But when you saw his expression, you smiled weakly as you stroked his hand.

“I’m okay, Ed. Just give me a few weeks and this will all just be a bad dream. Everything’s going to be okay, I promise.”

Ed scoffed softly as he ran his hand through his hair. “You're the one in pain and yet you're still trying to comfort me.”

“Not all pain is physical, Ed.” Your eyes searched his face for a moment before you said, “I’m so sorry. I know what kinds of memories this must have brought up. Getting that call, hearing what happened while you were away, walking into this hospital specifically. I never wanted to make you relive what happened with…..” You trailed off but he knew exactly what you were going to say.

Ed had only spoken to you about those events one time after a night of heavy drinking. It was the only way he could make it through the conversation without completely shutting down. But armed with the steely resolve from his bourbon, and your encouraging, gentle gaze, he told you about Shane. Every last heartbreaking detail.

Starting with the last conversation he had had with his son where he had spent the entire time yelling about how much of a disappointment he was, Ed then talked about the video call from his then wife where she lied to his face about everything being alright only to call back the next day with the truth. He was still haunted by the image of Karen’s weeping form as soon as he answered the call. He then told you about his depression and meltdown afterwards, stranded all alone on the moon, and how he had made a makeshift grave for Shane that would remain there long after the rest of you were gone.

The next part took more coaxing to get out of him, but he eventually admitted to disabling a cosmonaut’s lunar craft and holding the man captive for days. This was the only part Ed glossed over, not wanting you to know the depths he had sunk or the things he had allowed himself to subject the other man to, but you hadn’t pushed him. You had just drawn him into your chest as he sobbed, finally releasing all the ghosts of his past.

And you were right. He was still in pain over what happened, as he suspected he always would be. He had tried to work through his issues with Karen afterwards, but there was just too much blame there on both sides. He had left soon after returning home from the moon and he had started to spiral, quickly. Between his drinking and reckless behavior, he honestly expected he would soon lose everything else he cared about.

But then he met you and everything changed. Somehow, you had seen past the alcohol-soaked shell of a man before you to the true man underneath. And through your persistence, that man soon reemerged. Ed owed you his life and every time he thought about how close you had just come to losing yours…..

Squeezing your hand tightly, Ed clenched his jaw before murmuring, “It was different with…… with Shane. I have so many regrets about everything that happened. But with you… there would have only been one regret.” He reached into his pocket and pulled out a small box. Turning it over in his hand, he said, “I’ve had this for weeks, but I was trying to find the right time to give it to you. However, this just reminded me that we don’t always have that time to wait. That if something matters as much as you do to me, I need to tell you while I have the chance.” He flipped open the lid of the box and held it out to you, the diamond ring clearly on display.

Tears filled your eyes as you glanced back and forth between the ring and his face. “Oh, Eddie….”

“Sweetheart, you saved me from myself when I was at my lowest point. And you love me despite everything that I’ve done. I still have no idea what you see in me but, if you’ll have me, I’d love nothing more in this, or any other world, for you to become my wife. What do you say?”

“Is that really even a question? Of course I’ll marry you!”

Smiling like a fool, Ed bent over and placed a gentle yet loving kiss on your lips, carefully avoiding your injured nose. Then he removed the ring from the box and slipped it onto your finger. It was the wrong hand but seeing as the other was still encased in plaster, it would do for now.

Just as he sat back in the chair, your nurse came in. She was startled to see Ed sitting next to you. “Oh! Excuse me sir, but visiting hours are over for the day. You’ll have to leave.”

“It’s okay. This is my fiancée.” You shot Ed a brilliant smile at the word, and he returned it tenfold.

But the nurse shook her head. “I’m sorry but you’re still in intensive care so there are no exceptions. However, he can come back at 8 am tomorrow.”

You sighed as you turned to Ed. “I’m sorry. I was hoping we’d have more time to celebrate.”

“It’s okay. Once you get out of here, we’ll have all the time in the world. But for now, I’ll be back first thing tomorrow.” Ed rose to his feet and placed a lingering kiss to the top of your head. “Now, get some sleep, soon-to-be-Mrs. Baldwin.”

“Good night, Admiral Baldwin.”

The nurse began to usher Ed out but just as he got to the doorway, he glanced back at you one last time. Your eyes were fixed on the ring which you twirled softly as you bit your lip to keep the smile from overwhelming your face. Suddenly, Ed had a flash of you walking down the aisle towards him in a flowing white gown and that same smile on your face. Despite all the majesties of the cosmos he had seen over the years, that image of you was the most beautiful thing he had ever seen. And he was one step closer to that day. Because you were here, you were going to be okay, and you were finally going to be his. With one last smile, Ed stepped out into the hall and closed the door behind him.

Taglist: @loverhymeswith, @babblydrabbly, @sociiallydiisoriiented, @mayhem24-7forever, @lovearne, @ed-baldwin, @lacontroller1991, @bewitchedignition, @sunshineflowerchild789, @merlehs, @pansexualwitchwhoneedstherapy, @heresathreebee, @fairchildflag, @skvatnavle

#fic #ed baldwin #ed baldwin x reader #ed baldwin x f!reader #joel kinnaman #f!reader #for all mankind #angst #hurt & comfort #hurt and comfort #hurt/comfort #car accident tw #hospital tw #bruises tw #injuries tw #pain tw

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loverhymeswith · 2 years ago

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Thank you for the tags @a-reader-and-a-writer and @sociiallydiisoriientedisoriiented I am SO excited for all of your WIPs!!!

Longest fic that I never touch but always think about: This would have to be What a Wicked Game. I've posted 19 chapters 😅 but I still need to finish it. This story is always in the back of my mind.

Fic I started and never think about but still want to finish: In These Walls (Rick Flag x vigilante!Reader). I have a good feeling about this fic, but it's ended up on the back burner.

Fic that started strong but I don’t know where it’s going: I could choose from so many, but I guess I will say Something Just Like This (Rick Flag x F!Reader). This takes place after the events of Up in the Air, and I'm stuck on the ending.

My favourite fic: Out of my WIPs, it's a tie between A Sky Full of Stars (Ed Baldwin x F!Reader) and Heaven on the Weekend (Rick Flag x F!Reader x Takeshi Kovacs). I love them both so much and I am fully dedicated to finishing them as soon as I can.

Short story: Slipping Through My Fingers (Takeshi Kovacs x F!Reader) - the aftermath of a heatwave (definitely inspired by this week's ridiculous weather)

Short story: I Know Places (Bodyguard!Rick Flag x Moviestar!Reader) based on the Taylor Swift song...

Short story/one shot: If You are the Ocean, I Would Like to Drown - morning sex with Rick Flag

Start a new fic: I have been meaning to start a For All Mankind/Other Major Fandom AU crossover...

Start a new fic: Stephen Holder x detective!Reader (outside of the Enough universe)

Start a new fic: I have just started a new and very exciting project with @sociiallydiisoriiented involving (7) seven of Joel Kinnaman's characters! Watch this space!

#wip game #my wips #joel kinnaman #rick flag #takeshi kovacs #erik heller #stephen holder

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a-reader-and-a-writer · 2 years ago

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You're Going to Be Fine (Part 3)

Fandom: For All Mankind, Ed Baldwin, f!Reader

Word Count: 1093

TW: angst, fluff, injuries, hospital, head injury, memory loss

Notes: Thank you to @katjnordstrom96 for mentioning a part 3 which inspired me to write one and to @loverhymeswith for beta reading for me! 💖

Part 1, Part 2, Part 3

That night, you dreamt of being in Ed’s arms. It was a dream you had had countless times since meeting him, but this time it was different. Usually, the images were crystal clear, but you couldn’t actually feel the warmth of his skin or the brush of his fingers across your face. Yet tonight, it was the opposite. Everything around you was hazy as if you were looking through a frosted window. Yet you could feel Ed pressed against you in every nerve ending in your body. The way his arm wrapped around you, pulling you in tight. The rise and fall of his chest beneath your head. The material of his shirt between your fingers as you clutched it tightly in your balled-up fist. The soft caress of his breath across your cheek as he exhaled. It all felt so real.

And then his voice broke through the silence, muffled, and distorted. “Sweetheart, you have to hold on. Help is on its way. All because of you. And I know it hurts, but you have to stay awake. Please.”

There was a dull throbbing in your head that you somehow knew should be agonizing yet here in this dreamworld, it was barely more than a nuisance. Weakly, you muttered, “Ed, promise me….. If I don’t make it, don’t take me home…… Leave me floating up here amongst the stars.”

“Hey, don’t talk like that. You’re going to be fine. We both are.” He was trying to reassure you, but even in its muffled state, you could hear the doubt and pain in his voice. He was injured too, yet he was trying to remain strong but that wasn’t enough to save either of you.

The throbbing in your head was getting more intense. You whimpered as you buried your face deeper into Ed’s chest, your fingers clenching tighter around his shirt. “Please, Ed….. Promise me.”

For a moment, the interior of the shuttle was silent. Then, Ed whispered, “I promise.”

“Thank you.” Despite the pain you were in, a smile flickered across your lips. You let out a sigh as the image of Ed’s chest grew dimmer and more distant. “My only wish for as long as I could remember was to make it to space one day…. Then I met you and I wanted nothing more than for you to want me as much as I wanted you…. For you to hold me like you did in my dreams…… Today, I got everything I ever wanted…. But I never thought this would be the cost……. I guess it's like they say, be careful what you wish for……."

Ed ran his hand over the top of your head as the world around you finally faded to complete darkness. However, you still felt Ed leaning down and whispering-

You bolted straight up in bed, the sound of his final words still echoing in your ears. Trying to slow your breathing, you told yourself it had just been a dream. Nothing more. And yet it felt so real. What if.... what if it wasn't a dream? What if it was one of your lost memories? What if Ed had really said those things to you? There was only one way to find out.

Ed was late. Usually, he arrived around noon and stayed for a few hours until you fell asleep. But it was already 2:30 and there was no sign of him. Maybe he regretted the kiss. Maybe your dream had just been a dream. Maybe-

The door slowly creaked open and Ed hesitantly peeked in. When he saw you staring at him, he pushed the door open wider and entered. Yet instead of approaching the bed like usual, he remained on the edge of the room, leaning against the wall.

“Hey. How are you doing?”

You raised an eyebrow. “Do you mean in general or about the fact that you kissed me yesterday?”

Ed rubbed his hand over the back of his neck. “Yeah…. I’m sorry about that. I just….” He glanced down at the floor. “Listen, I shouldn’t have done that. You’re still in a vulnerable place, things still don’t make a lot of sense, and I shouldn’t have added to that. But I think maybe you were right. It might be best for me not to show up here every day anymore.”

“Why not?” You asked, trying to keep the tremor out of your voice. “I know I said you didn’t have to be here and if it’s becoming too much of a hassle, I understand. But you’re not making things worse. If anything, you’re the one thing that has made them bearable.”

Leaning his head back against the wall, Ed sighed. “I’m sorry. I wish it was different. But right now….. I just can’t.”

He pushed off the wall and turned to leave. That was until you called out, “Be careful what you wish for.”

Ed went rigid, all the muscles in his shoulders and back tensing at once. Slowly, he turned to face you, his expression twisted in disbelief and awe as he whispered, “What did you say?”

You nodded as all of your suspicions were instantly confirmed. “It wasn’t a dream, was it? What I saw last night was a memory. I was dying and you were holding me in your arms.” Tears began to well up in your eyes. “Ed, what you said as I passed out…… was that because you meant it or just because you thought I wasn’t going to make it?”

All doubt left his face as it was replaced by a look of pure tenderness. “I meant every word.”

Taking a shuddering breath, you said, "Then tell me again. Prove to me it wasn't just a dream or kind words for a dying girl."

Ed crossed the room in three long strides. When he reached the bed, he sat on the edge as he cupped your face in his hand, drawing you close. As he stared deeply into your eyes, he whispered, "I love you."

Your tears began to fall as you whispered back, “I love you too.”

Just like yesterday, Ed’s lips were suddenly on yours. However this time, you didn’t hesitate. Threading your fingers through his hair, you pulled him into you, deepening the kiss. All doubts fled from your mind under his touch. He had meant every word of what he had said just as you had.

When he finally pulled away, Ed breathlessly leaned his forehead against yours. “I guess some wishes do come true after all.”

Taglist:@loverhymeswith, @babblydrabbly, @sociiallydiisoriiented, @mayhem24-7forever, @lovearne, @ed-baldwin, @lacontroller1991, @bewitchedignition, @sunshineflowerchild789, @merlehs, @pansexualwitchwhoneedstherapy, @heresathreebee, @fairchildflag,@yespolkadotkitty, @katjnordstrom96, @green-socks

#fic #ed baldwin #ed baldwin x reader #ed baldwin x f!reader #joel kinnaman #f!reader #for all mankind #angst #fluff #injuries tw #hospital tw #head injury tw #memory loss tw

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a-reader-and-a-writer · 2 years ago

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You're Going to Be Fine (Part 1)

Fandom: For All Mankind, Ed Baldwin, f!Reader

Word Count: 1819

TW: angst, whump, hurt/comfort, pain, injuries, blood, treating wounds, head injury, impaling

Notes: Thank you to @loverhymeswith for the requests and for beta reading! You asked for it! 😆💖

Also, I am not positive that the event in the beginning is 100% accurate as to what would actually happen. But for the sake of the story, it is 😅

Part 1, Part 2 (Coming Soon)

The problem with space travel is that resources are extremely limited and when things go wrong, there is no one else you can turn to for help. NASA saw the debris headed for your shuttle fifteen minutes before it was projected to slam into you, but there wasn’t enough reserve fuel to move out of the way. All you and Ed could do was strap down all the loose equipment and hope for the best. But you misjudged your timing. Just as the two of you tried to quickly drift back to your seats to strap in, the debris hit.

The ship was knocked over as it rolled through space, momentarily creating a semblance of gravity within the main cabin. You were slammed sideways into one of the storage compartments, your head cracking into the corner. But before you could even grasp your aching head, you were thrown sideways again, this time landing on what used to be the ceiling. Again and again, you were flung around with nothing to hold onto or stop yourself from being spun like a shirt in the dryer.

Finally, the ship slowed and came to a rest. You had ended up laying on your stomach, your face pressed against the ship. As you slowly lifted your head, you panicked as you realized you couldn’t see out of your left eye. Reaching up, you gently probed the area only for your fingers to come away sticky and red. Trailing your fingers up higher, you hissed as they brushed against a deep gash just above your hairline, probably from where you slammed into the corner of the cabinets. But besides the gash and countless bruises, you seemed to be alright.

However, you suddenly realized the ship was quiet…. too quiet. “Ed?” you called out feebly, but you didn’t get a reply. So, you called out again, stronger this time, “Ed.” Still no response.

Wiping as much blood from your eye as possible, you looked towards the last place you saw him. You could just make out the bottoms of his boots at the far end of the ship as he began to lift off the ground in the zero-gravity. But then you gasped in horror as you saw the large blobs of bright red blood floating through the air around his still form. Grabbing the counter next to you, you hurriedly began pulling yourself through the ship to your fallen commander.

It was only as you got closer that you heard Ed’s soft groans of pain and your heart clenched in your chest. Ed Baldwin was the strongest person you knew and, no matter what happened, he never let anyone see the slightest sign of weakness. Even before you laid eyes on him, you knew it was bad. And you were right.

The man laying before you was not one you recognized. Ed’s normally tanned skin looked white as a sheet under the thin layer of sweat that coated his skin. His eyes were screwed shut and his jaw was clenched tight against the pain, causing the muscles in his neck to tense, and become more pronounced. And you couldn’t blame him.

In the midst of the ship’s violent tumbling, a screwdriver had been driven into his stomach up to the handle. Jutting out a few inches above his right hip, blood was slipping out around it and slowly filling the air around you. You couldn’t even begin to imagine what sort of pain he must be in.

Cupping one side of his face gently in your hand, you said, “Ed. Hey, I’m here. It’s going to be okay. What happened?”

“Thought I locked the toolbox…..I guess not.” He grunted before slowly opening his eyes and glancing at you. “You okay?”

You touched your head again where blood was still seeping out of your wound. “Yeah, it looks worse than it is. Minor head injury but you know how much those bleed. I’ll be fine.” You glanced once more at the screwdriver jutting out of his stomach. “But we have to do something for you.”

Unfortunately, you were no doctor. Besides trying to stop the bleeding, you had no idea what you could do for him. Frantically glancing around the small compartment, you weren’t even sure what kinds of medical supplies you had on board besides the most basic First Aid kit.

However, Ed gently grabbed your wrist, stopping your search. “It’s all fine. I can hardly feel it anymore.” His head lolled to the side as he stared at you with half-lidded eyes.

You grasped his face between your hands, squeezing slightly to try and get him to open his eyes all the way. “Ed… that’s not a good sign. I need you to stay with me, okay?”

A small smile spread across his lips as he murmured, “You’re so beautiful.”

You jerked back in surprise, dropping his face. With an awkward chuckle, you said, “Wow, you must be worse off than I thought. Now you’re delirious.”

“No, I’m not,” your commander muttered. “From the moment I laid eyes on you, I thought you were the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen. Then I got to know you and you’re…. you’re just perfect. Brains, brawn, beauty. Lately, every time you talk, all I can do is stare at your perfect lips, thinking about what they would feel like….. pressed against mine….” He trailed off as his eyes slipped closed the rest of the way.

“No….” You cupped his face once more with one hand while the other gently shook his shoulder. “Hey. Come on, stay awake, Ed. Please, you can’t leave me alone. Especially not now. You can’t drop something like that on me and then…… Please. I need you.” You rested your head on his chest, thankful to still feel it moving up and down.

“It’s okay, sweetheart. I’m not going anywhere.” You lifted your head at the sound of his weak words, but his eyes were still closed.

You bent over and placed a soft kiss on his lips. It wasn’t much, but you felt him responding to your touch, his lips pressing back into yours. When you pulled away, Ed’s eyes were open once more and you flashed him a tender smile, “Now you know what it feels like.” Running your hands down his face, you released him as you said, “I’ll be right back, okay? I just need to get some supplies and we’ll patch you right up. You’re going to be fine. Just hold on.”

Without waiting for him to respond, you floated over to where the medical supplies were usually kept. You had no idea what you were looking for, but there had to be something that could help Ed. Opening the cabinet, you saw NASA had packed more than you had been expecting and for the first time, you felt a little spark of hope in your chest.

However, that spark quickly sputtered out. As you reached for some gauze for Ed’s wound, you had to pause as the world suddenly blurred around you and your head spun. Grabbing onto the counter to steady yourself, you took a few deep breaths in and out as everything slowly came back into focus. Maybe your head injury was worse than you thought. But it didn’t matter at the moment. Ed’s injuries were still worse, and you had to do something about them and fast.

Quickly slapping a bandage over your head wound to help with the bleeding, you grabbed the supplies and hurried back to Ed’s side. His breathing was more labored, and his eyes were still closed, but as you brushed your fingers across his skin near where the screwdriver met his torso, he groaned softly.

Running your fingers through his damp hair, you murmured, “I know, it hurts. I’m so sorry, but we have to get this out.”

Ed managed to give you the faintest nod, so you wrapped your fingers around the handle and yanked. The screwdriver ripped from Ed’s stomach as he arched his back with a loud exclamation of, “FUUUCCCKKK!”.

His hazel eyes, usually so steely and unwavering, were wide and slightly crazed as he struggled to maintain his composure through the pain. Reaching out for the first thing he could grab, his hand wrapped painfully around your arm as his nails dug deep into your skin. But you ignored your own pain as you pressed the bandage across his wound. Ed hissed again, his grip somehow tightening even further. But after a moment as the pain began to ebb slightly, he began to relax some and his hold on you lessened.

“Are you okay?” you asked.

“Better. Thanks,” he answered through gritted teeth.

You brushed the hair off his face as you said, “Good. I’m going to go back and see if I can find any pain pills or antibiotics because you don’t know how dirty that screwdriver wa-”

Suddenly, your vision blurred once again – more intensely this time – and a bolt of pain shot deep into your brain. For a moment it felt like your mind short-circuited as everything just went blank. But then, things slowly began to return to normal, though a thick fog still remained swirling around in your head.

Ed grabbed your face as he examined your eyes. “What’s going on? What the hell was that? You just went rigid, and your eyes rolled back in your head.”

“I-I don’t know,” you managed to stutter out weakly. “My head… I think something is wrong. I can’t….” You trailed off, not able to find the right words to express what was going on.

Ed gently drew you into his uninjured side. “Hey, it’s okay. You’re going to be fine,” he said, repeating the words you had told him earlier. You just hoped that you had sounded more convincing when you had lied to him.

You lay with your eyes closed in Ed’s muscular embrace for a few minutes, the feel of him so close to you giving you some comfort even as the pain in your head grew worse. Eventually, you muttered, “I’ve dreamt about you…. holding me in your arms…. I just- I never thought it would happen…. especially not like this.” You could feel yourself growing weaker even as you struggled to remain conscious.

Ed’s arms tightened around you, and you felt his lips press against the crown of your head. Feebly, your eyes flickered open. Glancing up at his face, he looked about as well as you felt and you knew unless something changed, and soon, neither one of you would last long.

But then, just past Ed’s shoulder, you saw one of your headsets floating by. Reaching out, you just managed to snag it on one of your fingers. You weren’t sure if the communications were still working or if anyone would hear your message, but you had to try.

“Houston…… Mayday….. We need help….”

Taglist:@loverhymeswith, @babblydrabbly, @sociiallydiisoriiented, @mayhem24-7forever, @lovearne, @ed-baldwin, @lacontroller1991, @bewitchedignition, @sunshineflowerchild789, @merlehs, @pansexualwitchwhoneedstherapy, @heresathreebee, @fairchildflag, @skvatnavle, @yespolkadotkitty, @katjnordstrom96

#fic #ed baldwin #ed baldwin x reader #ed baldwin x f!reader #joel kinnaman #f!reader #for all mankind #angst #whump #hurt & comfort #hurt and comfort #hurt/comfort #injuries tw #pain tw #language tw #blood tw #impaling tw

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a-reader-and-a-writer · 2 years ago

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Focus on Your Next Breath

Whumptober 2022: #15. Breathing Through the Pain Fandom: For All Mankind, Ed Baldwin, f!reader Word Count: 2340 TW: Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Grief, Dealing with Grief, Mentions of Canon Death of a Child, Physical Complications Related to Prolonged Time in Space Notes: Set after Season 1 of For All Mankind and contains major spoilers for that season only.

There was always a transition period when returning to Earth. Your joints and muscles weren’t used to the increased gravity, your lungs weren’t used to breathing something other than purified air, and your sense of balance was all out of whack. But Ed Baldwin had been to space before and he thought he knew what to expect when he returned home. However, nothing could have prepared him for what he experienced after reentering the atmosphere this time.

At almost 200 days, he had nearly doubled the previous record for the longest continual time spent in space. And what was more, a large portion of that time had been spent alone. Coming home had been a surreal experience and one he was not prepared for. Everywhere he went, cameras flashed, their lights seemingly as bright as the sun cresting over the lunar horizon. People screamed his name or cheered when he walked into a room, causing him to flinch and recoil from the thunderous noises. It was too much and there was no escaping it.

That is until tonight. Somehow, he had managed to avoid being spotted leaving his hotel and he made his way to The Outpost without anyone seeing him. He realized this wasn’t a great place to remain anonymous, but it was one of the few places that still felt normal to him. And besides, it was an astronaut bar and everyone at NASA knew what he was going through and knew to give him his space. So, he ordered a beer and retreated to a booth in the very back of the bar, trying to ignore the eyes he felt following him with every step.

Once he was settled into the booth, he took a long drag from his bottle. He probably should have called Karen instead of coming out tonight. She had left a message for him while he was out earlier but he never called her back. He still didn’t know what to say to her. And there had been another message from NASA asking when he was going back to work. But he had also left that one unanswered for the same reason. He just didn’t know….

Suddenly, he heard footsteps approaching and a voice stirred him from his thoughts. “Hey, Ed. Long time no see. Can I sit?”

Aw, hell.

He should have known you would track him down eventually. The last time Ed had seen you was when he was relieving you up on Jamestown base but that had been over six months ago. And since he returned to Earth, he had been purposefully avoiding you.

As a NASA psychologist turned astronaut, the two of you had known each other since the day he had applied to the program. In fact, your evaluation of him was one of the factors that allowed him to be recruited. And once NASA began recruiting female pilots to train to go to space, you had been an obvious choice. Which was why you had also been selected to join him and Molly on Apollo 15 to become one of the first women on the moon.

But as close as the two of you were, especially since you had become an astronaut, you were still a psychologist at heart and he had not been looking forward to whatever you had to say about what happened to him in space.

However, you were here now so he might as well get this over with. Ed grunted and fidgeted with his coaster as you slid into the booth across from him. “So, who called you? Karen, Gordo, or Dani?”

“No one called me. It’s Friday night. Where else would Ed Baldwin be but at The Outpost?” you grinned, but your face quickly fell as he continued to scowl. “I haven’t seen you since you got back and I wanted to check in and see how you were dealing with everything that happened up there. On top of dealing with your own… personal tragedy.”

Ed took a large swig of his beer. “Is that why you’re here? Does NASA want me to discuss my ‘personal tragedy’?” He scoffed, “Of course, they’d send you.”

“No. I told you, no one sent me. I came here on my own to see an old friend who I figured might want some company and to talk to someone who has some idea what they might be going through. After all, we’ve flown together, walked on the moon together, lived together for months in very cramped quarters. And I was on the first Jamestown rotation so I know what living there feels like, even if it was only for a fraction of your time. I just want to be there for my friend, however he needs me.”

“Why don’t I still believe that’s the full story?”

You rolled your eyes and sat back in your seat. “Listen, Ed, I’ve been watching the footage. I’ve seen the way you cower in crowds, how you flinch at every flashing light, how even now you are sitting in the darkest corner of the bar instead of your usual booth. None of that sounds like the Ed Baldwin I know. But I had a sense of what might be going on and wanted to talk. You’re still trying to readjust, aren’t you?”

Ed sighed. “We’ve been up there before and it was never this bad, but this time….”

“This time you were off planet for longer than anyone has ever been! Of course the side effects are going to be worse! I remember how bad it was when I came back from Jamestown 1. Every inch of me ached, inside and out, and I felt like an elephant was sitting on my chest. The lights were too bright and the darkness wasn’t dark enough. Every sound seemed to be magnified fifty times its normal volume. And, damn, that was only after one rotation. I can’t even imagine what you must be feeling right now.”

“Well, you’re the expert, how do I fix it? How can I stop feeling like this?” he asked, hating the edge of desperation in his tone.

You reached across the table and took his hand. “There’s only one way, Ed….. Time. Right now, it might seem unbearable, but one day you’ll realize that the light isn’t quite so blinding. That the sounds are quite so unbearable. That the weight on your chest is a little lighter. And, eventually, you’ll feel almost normal again.”

“Almost?”

“After what you’ve been through, there is no going back to exactly the way things were. Something will forever be just slightly…. off. You’ll eventually learn to live with it, see it as your new normal and move forward, but you won’t ever forget how you were before. And that’s okay.”

Ed pulled his hand away as his eyes bored into you. “We’re not talking about the effects from space anymore, are we?”

“Can’t something apply to multiple situations?” When he continued to stare at you, you sighed. “Ed, no one should ever go through what you and Karen are going through, especially the way it all had to play out. Shane’s death might have been an accident, but that doesn’t make it easy to accept. He was just a kid, and you were up on the moon, and Karen… God, I can’t even imagine what that must have been like.”

“So you agree with what she did? You think it was right?”

You hesitated as you tried to find the right words. “I think… She was a grieving woman who was clinging to the tiniest bit of hope that her only son would be okay. And she didn’t want to tell her husband– who was already in an incredibly stressful and precarious situation– anything until she was certain of the facts. So, no, I don’t think it was right, but I think she made the best choice she could given the circumstances.”

Ed sighed. “Yeah. I think you’re right.”

“I am?” you asked, slightly shocked.

He nodded. “I was so angry with her at first. That she didn’t tell me when he got hurt. That she called and lied to my face when I asked how he was doing. That I had to find out something was wrong from the fucking Soviets.” His voice had been getting louder and more furious with each statement, so Ed took a deep breath and tried to calm himself. “But you’re right. At that point, she didn’t know. And there was nothing I could have done if I had known.” He hung his head.

“So then what’s really bothering you, Ed?” you asked softly. “Besides just the fact that Shane’s gone. I can see there’s more. If you aren’t mad at Karen anymore, then who are you still mad at?”

“Me,” he whispered. “I’m mad at myself. The last thing I ever said to him was that he was an embarrassment and a disappointment. That he needed to stop acting like a child and grow up. That’s the last thing I ever said to my son.” Ed fidgeted with the beer bottle in his hand. “And now, he won’t ever get the chance to grow up.”

“Oh, Ed.” You got up from your side of the booth and slid in next to him. He stiffened slightly as you wrapped your arms around his neck and pulled him into a hug. But after a moment, he allowed himself to collapse into the embrace.

He rested the side of his face against the top of your head as you said, “When something like this happens, it’s doubly hard because you are not only losing the child that you loved, but also the future you saw for them. All the plans and dreams you had for his life, all the potential he had, are also gone. And that’s something that deserves to be grieved too. But you have to know that Shane loved you. No matter what your last conversation was about, that kid looked up to you so much. He was always telling me that he wanted to be an astronaut just like you. And yes, you might have had some ups and downs in your relationship, and you might not have been as vocal about your feelings, but he knew you loved him.”

Ed squeezed his eyes shut to stop the tears forming in his eyes from falling. Softly, he whispered, “But how do I get past this? Half the time, I can barely breathe, it’s just so much.”

“Back in training, what did they teach you to do when you got hurt and couldn’t breathe? Like for a broken rib, or a punctured lung, or if you got a hole in your spacesuit?”

“You put all your focus on your next breath. Don’t think about what comes after that, just get the air into your lungs at that moment, that’s all that matters.”

You nodded. “Exactly. And then once that’s done, focus on that next moment and so on. Stay present in the moment and don’t think about what comes next because unless you breathe now, it won’t matter what will happen in five minutes. This is the same thing. Heartbreak and loss are just as real and painful as any physical injury. And through it all, you need to keep breathing. So, don’t think about what you do next about you and Karen. Don’t think about what to do next about your career. Don’t think about what to do next about all of Shane’s things. For now, just think about making it through this moment and the rest can wait.”

“It can’t wait forever,” he said.

“It won’t have to. Like I said earlier, you just need time. Once this wound isn’t so raw, once it begins to scab over and the pain dulls to an ache instead of a stabbing pain, then you can focus on ten minutes from now. Then an hour. Then a day. And eventually, you’ll remember how to breathe again without thinking about it.

“But it’s not going to be easy and you’ll have to figure out ways to help you keep breathing. Maybe that means you and Karen won’t make it as a couple. And that’s okay. But maybe she is what helps you keep taking that next breath. And that’s okay too. You just need to figure out what you need to keep going.”

“Like you,” he whispered, taking your hand in his without lifting his head.

You squeezed his hand back. “Like me. I’m here for you, Ed. Whatever you need, however you need. You need to get drunk and get angry? I’ll bring the beers and something we can break. You need someone to talk to? I’ll listen and give whatever advice I can. And if you and Karen need someone to help you through this together? I have some old colleagues from my previous life I think could be really helpful.”

Sitting up, you looked into his eyes. “But you don’t have to do this alone. Asking for help doesn’t mean you’re weak. It means you’re strong enough to realize you’re in trouble. So please, don’t shut everyone out. Me, Karen, Gordo, Dani, Molly…. You have so many people who care about you and want to help. You just have to let them.”

Ed stared down at the table. “I’m not– I mean, I don’t–”

You laughed, cutting him off. “Oh, trust me, Ed. I know you don’t do the touchy, feely stuff very well. But that’s okay.” You gave him one more tight squeeze before sliding out of the booth. Once you were standing, you offered him your hand. “Now, I have a bottle of whiskey in my car and no one to drink it with me. Care to help me out with that?”

Ed gave you a playful smirk as he took your hand. “I think I can handle that.”

And as the two of you left The Outpost, Ed felt the weight on his chest lessen just a tiny bit.

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