#echo reservoir

[filmap]

Troll 2 Claudio Fragasso. 1990

Driving Witch Rocks, Utah 84024, USA See in map

See in imdb

[rabbitcruiser]

Clouds (No. 825)

Great Salt Lake, UT (five pics)

Echo Reservoir, UT (five pics)

[completeoveranalysis]

[1]

Chapter 86! Feat. Himawari and the many peaches!

This is another time where I can nod and go “Ah, yes, symbolism!” and not quite know exactly what the meaning actually is. But I’m googling it a bit and it looks like it could be things like newfound happiness? And keeping away bad luck? Which is incredible appropriate if true, considering everything that's happened. But if you are a peach expert you are welcome to correct me on this.

We also have a bit more of "the fabric pattern becoming reality" here, a little less obviously than the Watanuki and Doumeki covers but the fruit are both in the fabric and in real life. There might be a real peach sitting on the end of her long sleeve, just behind the title? It's hard to tell, and that's entirely the point, but either way it’s still a continuation of a fun theme.

And if you really want to stretch some imagery you could note that there’s quite a large shadow stretching across the page but Himawari herself is kneeling towards the light of the window - showing her recent chance to actually embrace a happy and joyful future that she never had before. While before she was weighed down by the shadows that her life cast and isolated herself accordingly, now she can smile genuinely and enjoy things she was never allowed to have before.

Like peaches!

[smute]

i swear to whatshername you could stop heating this house in november and it would still be warm enough by xmas. outdoor temp peaked like 3 days ago but my room is still at 28°C 👹

[faydingrain]

After so long teasing his small partner, it was about time Fuuma taught Ruby how to swim. (Let's be honest, her inability to do so was slowing them down.) Thus, a trek to the nearest river was in order. Shrouded beneath the tree cover, things take a romantic turn when the two end up in each other's arms. Even more teasing ensues.

By nature of the fic, I ended up using both of the above prompts for this first one! (Though, "AU" is a bit of a grey area I suppose, lmao.)

[psychedelic-ink]

𝐑𝐈𝐒𝐄𝐒 𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐌𝐎𝐎𝐍

pairing: lighthouse keeper!joel miller x mermaid!reader

genre: mermaid AU, explicit, fluff, comfort, romance, minors dni

word count: 8.5k

summary: As the man responsible for operating the lighthouse, Joel lives a solitary life on the isolated coast. He has no complaints, enjoying the hauntingly beautiful songs that echo from the sea at night. One stormy night, he rescues a mysterious mermaid tangled in a fishing net. As you recover in the lighthouse, the two form an unlikely bond and find comfort in each other's company.

warnings: mention of joel from time to time visiting a brothel, loneliness, mermaid anatomy things, oral (fem receiving), piv, touch starved!joel and reader, mild breeding kink, squirting

a/n: full disclaimer I made up the mermaid lore, facts and anatomy, the only mermaid romance book I read was goddess of the sea by P.C. Cast and I read that all the way back in high school so I remember very little of it (I think I remember some of the steamy stuff but honestly it's all very vague so if there are any similarities that's why) 🧜‍♀️🌊

**stunning gif made by fanna aka @pedrorascal 💙

When in darkness look for the light. 

Joel heard this at different points in his life. His father, bless his soul, adamant about reminding him that there was always good to be found, even when it didn’t seem like it. When his father passed, Joel thought of the words endlessly. The more he thought about them, the more it made less and less sense to him. What was one supposed to do when the light that was sought didn’t exist? It would’ve made more sense to him if the message was about creating your own light, not depending on another. He would make sure to remember that if he ever had kids. 

The lantern in his hand groaned upon placing it on the nearby windowsill. It was a small window, the glass coated in thick dust. He smelled the sea. The salt of it burned his nostrils, the taste lingered on his tongue.

With a practiced hand, Joel reached for the oil lamp, its polished brass surface gleamed in the fading light. He carefully opened the reservoir cap and began pouring the clear, fragrant oil. The room filled with a faint scent. He listened to the waves as he lit the lantern, creating the sole light that guided him up the lighthouse. Joel imagined the violent waters hitting the bedrock. With time, they would all turn into sand. He looked up. The stairs were endless, going round and round. He spotted seaweed and mold in the same places, observed the humidity that darkened the underside of the stairs that barely hung onto the walls.

The small flame on the wick grew, casting an amber light that illuminated the inside. Joel's eyes focused on the growing flame, his gaze steady as he watched the light take hold.

“I’m home,” he said freely, his voice echoing. On the contrary belief, Joel actually had a regular home. He had a stove, a fridge, a bed. But this... this always felt like his true home. The smells, the sounds, the atmosphere, all of it was familiar, hugging him tight as soon as he stepped inside.

He climbed the stairs, his knees starting to ache when he was halfway to the light room. He didn’t stop, only slowed his steps. The air was fresher at the top. More breathable compared to where he was not moments ago.

He reached the top of the staircase, his breaths coming in steady rhythm as he pushed through the burn in his knees. The narrow corridor opened up into the lantern room, and he stepped into the circular chamber.

Joel reached for the mechanism that controlled the rotation. He gave it a gentle turn, feeling the gears engage beneath his touch. The light began to move, its beam sweeping across the darkening sea. The room filled with the rhythmic cadence of the light's rotation. 

But that wasn’t the only thing that reached his ears. 

A melody that flowed like the ebb and flow of the tides called out to him, guiding him to the clear, towering windows of the lighthouse. Every night he heard it, yet never managed to see the person—or thing—responsible for it. For years it had accompanied him. Another friend that the sea had gifted him to fight the loneliness he felt from time to time. His nose nearly brushed the glass, a chill settling in his bones. Sometimes he thought he heard lyrics as painful as the song itself. 

Joel’s brows furrowed when he noticed the thick fog settling above the water. No matter the light he put out into the world, it would be a hard night for captains and crew. 

The cadence still heavy in his ear, Joel stepped away from the panes. He picked up his log book and took a seat. He grimaced when the chair groaned under his weight. Joel had placed his desk so he would still have a view of the sea. The brine-laden air filled his lungs as he ruffled through the pages. 

Picking up his pen, Joel began to write. 

Lighthouse Keeper's Log: Joel M.  Date: October 22, 18XX Weather: Heavy fog blanketing the coastline, strong easterly wind, temperature 58°F. Lighting Operations:  Lit the lamp at 18:30 hours. Due to thick fog, visibility greatly reduced; light rotation pattern altered to emit one long white flash every 20 seconds. Despite challenging conditions, light remains steadfast in its duty. Vessel Sightings: Limited visibility makes it impossible to spot distant vessels. Unusually rough seas observed, even in the absence of a clear storm. Large waves breaking against the shore; powerful surges felt within the lighthouse. Remaining emergency supplies: Blankets, dry rations, and signal flares. Remarks and Notes: The fog is a thick shroud, obscuring the sea beyond the immediate coastline. The normally serene cove now a theater of restless energy, waves crashing against the rocks with an almost primal force. An eerie beauty to the fog and the untamed sea—a reminder of nature's might and mystery. Life at the Lighthouse: Dinner of canned beans and bread awaits. Appetite normal. 

Joel chewed the inside of his cheek. He tapped his pen against the worn paper before resuming taking his notes. 

Heard the song again. It always sounds like it’s in longing for something more. I’m starting to think I’m making it up from my own loneliness. But I can’t really complain much I picked this life. 

He let out a groan. There was some comfort in knowing no one would read these but he didn’t want to sound like a crazy person if someone did end up stumbling across the notes. 

Joel leaned back in his chair, extending his legs. His muscles hummed happily at the stretch. He still had to check and make sure what supplies he had left to put in the log, he also needed to make sure no additional repairs were needed. He dragged a heavy palm down his face. Why the hell didn’t he check when he entered the base? Now he had to go down all those stairs again. He loved the lighthouse but hell, he could do with less workout. 

With a sigh, he got up and left the room. He descended the narrow spiral staircase that wound its way down into the base of the lighthouse. He carried a lantern to light his way, its feeble glow dancing against the walls. The sound of the crashing waves outside gradually faded into a distant rumble. His unease grew as the melody disappeared completely. 

Joel knew the lighthouse like he did the back of his hand. But that didn’t mean the structure even spooked him from time to time. It wasn’t easy being alone in the dark, watching the endless horizon just wondering about life. Hearing the aria subdued those thoughts— the thoughts that made a convincing point that he’s lived an empty life.  

Reaching the bottom, Joel stepped into the dimly lit chamber that housed the mechanical workings of the lighthouse. Gears and mechanisms stood in silent vigil, their intricate interplay hidden beneath layers of metal and shadow. The steady tick-tock of the clockwork echoed softly in the confined space.

Setting the lantern on a nearby table, Joel approached the massive gear assembly responsible for the light's rotation. He ran his fingers along the metal surfaces, feeling the vibrations as the gears turned in precise harmony. His trained touch could detect even the slightest irregularity.

A toolbox lay open on the table, its contents glinting in the lantern light. Joel selected a wrench and began to carefully tighten bolts and adjust connections. He moved with the grace of a musician tuning an instrument.

As he worked, his thoughts shifted to his guitar at home. He wanted to play again. Perhaps accompany the song he heard every night. His fingers weren’t as they used to be. It took time to remember how to move them over the strings, the cords, it frustrated him, making it easier to give up as soon as he touched the instrument. 

The lantern's glow flickered as Joel adjusted the final cog, ensuring that the gears meshed flawlessly. Satisfied with his work, he stood back and observed the assembly for a moment, watching as the clockwork continued its patient dance.

Then. . . a sound. 

An unfamiliar sound. It was followed by a frustrated shout and some wild splashing. Joel stood still, his spine stiff as they came. He thought the sea was playing tricks on him, which was why he remained there. Listening. The sound repeated itself, some colorful curses flying out of the mouth of whoever lingered outside of the lighthouse’s walls. 

Joel promptly headed for the door. Whoever it was, it sounded like they needed help. His mind raced. It could’ve been a multitude of things; a shipwreck that led hald conscience crew to the shores, a kid playing past their curfew, a—

. . . a woman entangled in a net.

What?  

He stilled, eyes wide with shock. All air was expelled from his lungs, mouth incredibly dry despite the chill that quickly settled in his bones. He blinked over and over, his mind trying to comprehend the sight before him. Waves crashed around her, framing her while she fought against the stubborn net. It’d been a while since Joel was in close proximity to a woman. He wasn’t a hermit, but most of the time he kept to himself, and when he needed a release provided from something other than his hand. . . he earned enough a month to spend on certain services. 

She was beautiful. Her back bare and her front hidden, looking like a starfish washed a shore. She struggled again and with a snarl, she flipped over. 

Joel’s cheeks warmed, the night chill that settled in his bones quickly dissipated thanks to the sight before him. As if to accommodate the moment, a particularly large wave washed over her, drops of salty water wetting the cuffs of his pants. She only wore a bra—at least that was what Joel assumed it was. It was the same color of a brewing storm, silver that gradually softened as it disappeared into her skin. Stunning. 

He swallowed. Temptation fogged his mind, his cock becoming stiff under the thick fabric. He was only a man after all. Joel knew little that could resist someone like her, she was hypnotic. With another swallow, his gaze moved lower. He wondered if the rest of her was just as revealing. 

But the rest of her was hidden by the vastness of the sea. 

For the better, he thought, cock straining against the zipper. He wouldn’t have touched her, of course, but it would’ve made it harder to think. 

And to help her. 

Joel's gaze finally met her face, which was equally as beautiful as the rest of her, despite being the target of her unwavering glare.

“Ahoy,” he said, voice thick. His greeting did little in wiping away her untrusting stare. “Uh. . .seems like you’ve gotten yourself in a. . . bind.” 

“Funny,” she answered, her voice the complete opposite of the statement. Wrestling against the net, a hiss escaped her lips the moment she tried. “Are you going to help or just make puns, human?” 

Human? 

Joel raised an eyebrow, being caught in a net would be annoying for sure but it shouldn’t be hurting her. He tilted his head and came closer. She regarded him like a wild animal, her need to flee evident in her eyes. He sighed. “Don’t give me the coyote look, I’m not a canine.” 

“I’ll look at you however I want to.” 

She moved and when the net brushed against her skin, she winced in pain. Pulling her arms close to her chest, she made an effort to keep from touching it. This time the pain was evident over the contours of her face, prompting worry to cross over his. 

“Stop movin’,” he ignored her sharp tongue and knelt next to her. “Is that a barbed net? Shit. We need to cut you out.” 

Another wave. A scream. 

Panic flared under his skin, without telling her to wait, he jolted inside of the lighthouse. He rummaged through his toolbox and when he came back, Joel noticed the trickle of blood going down her cheek. “Don’t worry,” he said quickly, his body collapsed onto his throbbing knees. “I’ll get you out.” 

Her stare grew gentle as he meticulously severed the ropes. Joel's attention was drawn to the cuts and bruises that marred her. He didn’t even know her name but he knew that he hated seeing her like that. So hurt and vulnerable. Another wave washed over them. Joel snarled at the sea, his annoyance growing at the wickedness of his greatest love. 

“The name’s Joel,” he grunted and moved down her body, freeing her inch by inch. Her spine turned as rigid as a plank. “Am I hurtin’ you?” he asked, stopping momentarily. He looked up but she wasn’t facing him. 

“I-It’s not that,” she said. All of her bite from before had dissolved like foams upon the sea. “My. . .lower half got caught up badly when I tried to break free. It—It might be too gruesome to see, so just give me the cutters and  you can go.” 

Joel scoffed. As if he would let her do this by herself. “If you’re hurt that bad all the more reason to stay and help you, honey. Just stay still.” 

“But—” 

“Stay still,” he ordered. Joel spread his finger across her lower back. He was surprised to find her skin so cold. He needed to free her and wrap a blanket around her ASAP. 

One by one, he cut through the net, more of her exposed to him. It almost felt like he shouldn’t be seeing such a sight. It didn’t matter though, he’d help her no matter what— he’d decided on that the first moment he laid his eyes on her. His hand moved downward, pinning her to the spot, maintaining her still. She let out a gasp, one laced with fear. Joel didn’t understand why. 

He shook his head and pressed on. 

Only when he lowered his gaze back down did he feel it. The smooth, leathery texture of her skin. It was slippery, soft. . . scaled. It took his eyes a moment to process. Subtle around her waist, the color became more pronounced as it extended downward. Scales. Beautiful scales that shined under the moonlight. It was the same color as her bra, gray that cheated its way to a light shade of blue. Joel swore he saw some gold scattered in there as well. 

He stopped moving—hell, he stopped breathing. 

“You noticed,” she said simply. Joel’s head snapped towards the voice, the tips of his ears red. 

“What—” he shook his head. “Are you a fuckin’ mermaid?” 

Silence. 

“. . . maybe.” 

“Don’t pull my leg, girl,” he warned. The words didn’t match his tone. Joel was simply in awe, his mind more of a mess. “I can see your damn scales as clear as day.” 

“Then why are you asking?” she snapped. “Could you please just help me out? It hurts.” 

“I was just curious,” Joel grunted, voice barely above a whisper. He didn’t say anything else and continued in silence. When she was free, he threw the net toward the lighthouse. He would discard it later. “Now what?” 

“Now,” she answered, the first smile gracing her lips. “I leave. Thank you.” 

Joel couldn’t deny the selfish throb of his heart. He had so many questions he wanted to ask. He wanted her to stay—wanted her to want to stay. With him. Why was that he didn’t know. A cold gust of wind blew while he watched. The mermaid turned to swim away, and as she did Joel didn’t miss the small tell tales of pain. 

He saw blood. It turned the sea into a nasty color. The words clawed up to his throat, he pushed them back as much as he could. 

Stay. 

He wanted to shout but couldn’t. It wasn’t his place. 

Luckily, fate was on his side tonight. 

She couldn’t move her tail, every movement like knives into her meaty flesh. The waves slowly brought her back to shore, like a gift. 

Her, however, didn’t share his enthusiasm. Tears built in her eyes, again, Joel could swear he saw golden specks in them. 

“I have a place,” he said. “A secret place you can stay until you heal. I have supplies.” when she didn’t seem convinced, he added. “Let me take care of you. Please.” 

A male. A human male. 

A man. 

The notion still escaped you, his hands one of a gentle giant’s as he carried you down the treacherous steps. He didn’t attempt to steal your gaze no matter how long you stared at him. And no matter the pain, you couldn’t stop. There was a roughness to his features, his appearance rugged with lines deepened by time drawn over his face. You observed the grays in his hair, in his beard. Witnessed the divot in the middle of his bottom lip, so full for a man seemingly unbothered by what you were. 

No matter how strong or wise, to see a creature that was believed to be none other than myth must’ve come as a shock. 

But you remained silent. 

So did he. 

You settled on observing your surroundings. Nestled beneath the weathered stone foundation of the lighthouse, smooth walls resided, etched over centuries by the relentless caress of the sea, glistened as if adorned by a myriad of precious gems. The low ceiling, curved and worn, hinted at the gentle erosion that had sculpted this intimate haven.

The passage meandered downward, its narrowness opening into a grand expanse that drew a gasp from your numb lips. The chamber widened into an awe-inspiring grotto. Stalactites and stalagmites formed natural columns that reached toward each other as if yearning for an embrace. The rhythmic lullaby of waves filtered through unseen crevices.

At the heart of the chamber, a crystalline pool shimmered in shades of sapphire and emerald. Slender rays of moonlight, filtered through a labyrinth of underwater tunnels. An intricately woven nest of dried seaweed laid upon the surface, the smell of it reminiscent of home. 

However, you weren’t one to lower your guard so easily. No matter how pretty the prison was. 

Still in his arms, you shoot him a look of untrust. The fingers that gingerly held you tensed, blunt nails slightly digging into your wounded flesh. “Don’t give me that look,” he grumbled, averting his gaze. “It’s connected to the sea, you can leave whenever you want. . . or escape, if you would prefer to put it that way,” he walked to where the sea connected to the earth. “It’s completely closed off to the outside. If someone wants to find this place they’ll have to go into the lighthouse first and well,” he turned sheepish, red coloring his cheeks. “No one does.” 

“That’s kinda sad,” you remarked. You didn’t ignore the twinge of sadness coiling your heart. “You don’t have a family?” 

“No,” he answered. You didn’t expect to hear the rasp of his voice, the same tone when you dragged your finger through the rough gravel of the shores. He still refused to meet your gaze. “So. . . you’ll be safe. You don’t need to worry.” 

Joel gently lowered you into the sea, his legs half-submerged in the water. As salt touched the wounds, an incoming hiss grated against your throat, and pain bloomed, spreading through your tail.

You discerned the sound of his pulse racing beneath the cloak of his human flesh and bone. When you turned to look, you found him both mesmerized and distressed. 

“Can I bring you medicine?” he frowned when your gaze turned into one of amusement. “What? Don’t mermaids need medicine?” 

“Not for something like this,” you grinned. You thread your fingers in the water, careful not to move your tail as much as you moved to lay face first on the shore. “The sea will heal me. It hurts, but the wounds aren’t big enough that it would require external help.” 

Defeated, he shook his head, “If you say so, sweetheart.” 

You watched as he balled his hands into fists and released them. He repeated the motion over and over until he prepared to leave. Your eyebrows raised. He wanted to take care of you, ached for the companionship the close proximity would force upon them. Surprisingly, you felt bad. You’ve seen this lighthouse a million times, never once you thought such a sad man would be on the other side of cold walls. You sucked a sharp breath and decided to throw him a bone. 

“I will need food,” you called out, stopping him in his tracks. His shoulders raised, you swore if he were a dog his ears would be standing with attention. You swiped a tongue over your bottom lip, a bit of life in them now that you were in the water, he had a strong back, wide shoulders that any creature would admire. 

“What d’you eat?” 

You smiled, “Anything really. I’m not picky.” 

He turned then, he seemed so large in front of the narrow path that would lead up to the lighthouse. “What about fish?” 

“Unlike what your fairytales might entail, we do eat fish,” you answered with a burst of laughter. 

You laughed again when the crease between his brows deepened. He wrinkled his nose, “Feels wrong.” 

Despite his words, he looked lightened by your laughter, something like adoration swimming in his eyes. 

You shrugged and shuffled further into the water. It signaled the end of the conversation, prompting Joel to disappear back into the depressing labyrinth of the lighthouse. With a sigh, you turned your back, staring at the ceiling. You wondered how long you’d have to stay here. You had wrinkled your nose at the medicine that was offered, yet you knew it wouldn’t be a speedy recovery.  

You sighed again, disappearing into the water. You watched as the last of your oxygen formed bubbles that head to the surface, your gills starting to expand. The image of the stalactites became distorted, the moonlight that touched the soft waves bouncing around in the water. 

You really shouldn’t be complaining. At least the human who found you seemed to be a good one unlike the many you’ve seen during the centuries you lived. 

The ache in your tail growing tender, you closed your eyes. 

Joel, despite his imposing ruggedness, was quite nurturing. As the day passed, you noticed that he began to regard you with a sense of purpose. He went back home during the days, only to come back with heaping amounts of food and water. 

He never did bring you fish though, which made you giggle whenever you thought of it. 

“You don’t drink water.” Joel had said it as a statement rather than a question. You nodded and pushed a plump grape between your lips. The salt from your skin coated the fruit, highlighting the flavor. 

“I don’t.” 

“Is there somethin’ else that you drink? I can try to find it for you,” he said thoughtfully. His eyes met yours, your grin making him short of breath. He looked away, something that he commonly did whenever he was frustrated. And you noticed how easy it was to rile him up whenever you stretched, the sheer scales that covered your breasts almost sheer. You thoroughly enjoyed his gaping mouth and lustful gaze. You wondered when was the last time this man was touched. 

"Drinking water, as you know it on land, is quite different for me beneath the waves," you explained with a playful glint in your eyes. "You see, our world is a delicate balance of salt and currents, and our bodies have adapted to it."

You gestured gracefully to the shimmering water around you, your tail swaying gently with the motion of the still water. "When I need water, I don't sip from a cup or a stream. Instead, I have a connection with the sea itself. Just as your body knows how to breathe without thinking, my tail and skin allow water to flow through."

"Imagine this," you continued. "In the embrace of the ocean, my body senses the ebb and flow of the tides, the salt and minerals suspended in every drop. When I need hydration, my skin and scales absorb the sea's essence, drawing it into my very being."

You leaned closer, lips an inch away from his, your voice a mesmerizing cadence. Joel’s breath hitched, his chest expanding with each word whispered. He licked his lips, your eyes dropping to observe the movement. You imagined that same tongue sinking into your mouth, licking the salt. A shudder crawled up your spine, your breasts feeling tender and heavy. "So, you see, I drink in a way that's in tune with the rhythm of the sea, a silent conversation with the waves themselves. It's a connection, a dance of existence that ties me to the world I call home."

“Do you miss it?” 

The question took you by surprise and you blinked rapidly, “What?” 

“Your home?” 

“I—” Such a perceptive man. It surprised you. “The sea is my home. I’m never apart from it,” you said, shaking your head. A soft smile touched your lips. 

“What about where you were born?” he pressed. “Your family? Friends?” 

“So many questions,” you hummed. And, with a burst of confidence, you touched his cheek. Him leaning into the touch was something you hadn’t expected. “I’m not to go back.” 

“You were banished?” 

“I left.” it looked like he was about to ask more. Before he could, you pressed your thumb against his lips, feeling his warmth, his whole body grew rigid but didn’t pull away. “Too many rules,” you explained. “Not a very fun place to live.” 

With a graceful flick of your tail, you returned to the water, leaving a glistening trail of droplets in your wake. You vanished beneath the surface, you waited a moment and look up. There he was, leaning further into the water. Trying to capture a glimpse of the mythical creature he was nursing to health—

Propelling yourself with a force gentle enough that wouldn’t re-open the wounds, you broke through the surface and wrapped your arms around his neck. He let out a yelp as you pulled him under, bubbles caressing your bodies, rushing to escape the sea. Joel’s eyes went wide, panic lingering in the depths. You met his gaze and smiled, his heartbeat was muffled yet loud under the water. In order to calm him, you placed an open palm right above that frantically beating heart, closing your eyes, you willed your emotions over him. Calmness. Serenity. 

You’re safe with me, Joel. The only one of your kind that can say that.

He heard you. You watched the panic melt away from his gaze, replacing it with shock. Normally, if he was a merman himself, he’d be able to answer. Something tugged at your heartstrings, your gaze falling to the depths of the water.   

You felt his hands cup your waist, instinctively pulling you closer to him. He was firm, warm against your chest. To be touched. . . you missed it. Like he did when you cupped his cheek, you nuzzled closer to him. Your breasts flushed over the planes of his body, your nipples tight as they grazed against the fabric of his shirt. 

Warmth. 

You chased it. Ached for it. He seemed to be the same. His fingers denting your flesh, his arousal hard over your stomach. You would’ve allowed him anything in that moment. For him to kiss you, hold you, fuck you— you’d grant him anything, like a genie in a bottle. 

But, nonetheless, he was human. And humans needed air no matter how strongly they fought against it. 

His eyes became apologetic, brows furrowing. He gestured up and you shook your head, prompting confusion to cross his face. 

Mermaids were known to take human lovers. They would usually transform once a month to head for the shores. No one wanted to share more of themselves than they had to. Their world was a secret to be kept, an unspoken rule they all knew since birth. Looking at him, you knew he was at his last drops of oxygen. His cheeks were puffed up, eyes questioning your motives. 

Evolution had granted your kind one more gift—the gift of life. 

Your hands slid up his chest, your fingers bunched the collar of his shirt, you tugged the fabric. The sound of the currents flooded your ears. You felt your gills expand. Joel was unaware, he brushed your lips together, eyes coming to a close. 

A kiss. A simple kiss. 

His lips parted alongside yours, his tongue curious. You met him halfway and slanted your mouth over his, closing the gap entirely. 

You breathed air into him. Filling his lungs with oxygen. Your gills quivered at how much was needed for him to make this moment last. His chest dilated and Joel finally opened his eyes. With a smile, you pulled back, dragging your lips down to his neck instead. Slightly embarrassed of what he might think of it.   

His fingers curled under your chin, pulling you back up so you’d face him. You laughed when Joel attempted to ask his questions with nothing other than his eyes. 

You didn’t answer this time, only shrugged. His lips broke into an exasperated smile and despite the lack of it, you felt the air around you crackling, arousal pouring between your legs and mixing with the sea.  

Joel pulled you towards his lips once more. Eager for another taste. 

She was sleeping. 

Joel’s steps were feather-light as he approached her, his guitar in hand. He’d foolishly mentioned how he was trying to remember and her eyes had gone wide with excitement, asking him to bring it over. But since she was sleeping, he decided not to bother her with it and gently placed the instrument aside. 

He asked about it once, how her kind slept, apparently, they would drift to sleep underwater most of the time. That’s where they felt safest. He didn’t pry on the matter but could hear a hint of hurt lingering under her words. 

So, when he first saw her sleeping, his heart had warmed at the sight. 

Right now was no different. His gut felt oddly warm, his heart swelling in his chest, everything feeling a bit too tight. 

They hadn’t talked about the kiss—or the touches for that matter. 

Again, he hadn’t pressed for answers. He wasn’t sure what good they would do anyway. They were a part of different worlds, different species, how would it work? 

Joel tilted his head to the side. 

Seriously how would it work? She didn’t have. . . well. . . a vagina. At least not one he could see. 

Did she lay eggs? 

Joel blanked at the thought. They drank like fish so who was to say that they didn’t procreate like them too? 

He violently shook his head. He shouldn’t be thinking about that, it was none of his goddamn business. With his mind feeling clearer, his eyes roamed over her sleeping figure. She was a silent sleeper. Her hands were tucked under her head, most of her tail submerged beneath the water, flowing freely with the soft ripples of water. All he wanted to do was to kneel beside her and stroke her hair, her body that seemed soft and supple. 

Joel managed to do half of what he wanted. He took a seat near her, the gravel crunching under his weight, her breathing more audible now that he was close. 

It’d been almost a month since he found her entangled within the nasty fisher’s net. He didn’t know how long it took mermaids to heal but he had a sneaking suspicion that she had. His mouth dried, a sudden uncomfort riling his stomach. He was afraid she was staying here for his sake. To spare his feelings. That notion just didn’t sit right with him. It was unfair to her, and, in some ways, it was unfair to him. He didn’t believe a creature like her would want to stay with an old man like him. He had nothing to offer. No land, no money, no nothing. 

Only the lighthouse. 

The kiss had been one of convenience, he told himself almost every night, stroking himself while replaying the moment over and over. He hadn’t visited the brothel since. None of them could compare to how she made him feel, and he doubt he’d go even after she left. 

“You’re thinking loud,” a murmur came from next to him. She stirred and flipped to her back, eyes finding his a second later. Joel could see her dreams still glimmering in her eyes, adding a shine. Her brows furrowed when his gaze lingered longer than it should have. “What?” 

“Nothin’,” he answered. “I brought the guitar.” 

“Really?” she was suddenly wide away, her upper hand lifting and tail splashing as she came to a sitting position. “Will you play for me?” 

Despite himself, he grinned, “That’s why I brought it, sweetheart.” 

He reached out and picked it up. When he returned, he caught her eyes on the exposed skin of his stomach, her lips parted. Briefly, her gaze found his. 

“I—um—” she looked away, bottom lip sucked between her teeth. “I know some songs so maybe I can join your playing.” 

Something flickered inside of him—a familiarity he couldn’t quite place. 

“That sounds lovely,” he balanced the guitar over his lap and strummed a couple of strings, their sound filling the cave. His gaze expectant as he looked back at her. “Go on now, don’t be shy.” 

She puffed her cheeks, huffing with annoyance, “That’s not fair, I said I would join you, not the other way around.” 

“You’re breakin’ my heart,” with a fixed gaze, his eyes grew soft and he smiled. “Please?” 

With a sigh she shifted closer, her tail swaying with an elegant fluidity. Her voice, when it finally graced the air, was hauntingly beautiful—a melody that seemed to bridge the gap between the human world and the mysteries of the sea. The lyrics spoke of lost homes and forgotten dreams, of endless depths and aching hearts. It was a song of longing and solitude, a mournful tale that seemed to capture the very essence of her existence.

As she sang, Joel's fingers moved deftly across the strings of his guitar, weaving his own notes into the fabric of her song. The cave's quiet embrace amplified the sound of his guitar, each note resonating against the walls. The music swirled around them, an unspoken conversation between two souls who had found an unexpected connection.

He watched her, the soft glow of the cave reflecting in her eyes as she sang. Her voice carried a weight that tugged at his heart, stirring emotions he had long kept buried. 

Without thinking, Joel's voice joined hers, his rough yet tender tones intertwining with her song. As their voices merged, the cave seemed to come alive, the walls reverberating with the bittersweet harmony of their duet.

In the midst of the music, a memory began to surface—the melody she sang felt achingly familiar. He strummed the guitar with increasing fervor, his fingers dancing across the strings as he tried to match the rhythm of her song.

And then it hit him—the realization that sent a shiver down his spine.

It was her. 

The sound that accompanied him every night. 

The sound that kept him sane. 

The sound that made him feel less alone. Less broken.

The sound of an old friend. 

It was her. It had always been her. 

Joel suddenly stopped, his eyes wide and lips agape as he just. . .stared at her. She was lost in her song, only noticing the loss of the soulful sound of the guitar moments later. Joel watched her blink with confusion, on edge, thanks to his gaze. “It’s you,” he rasped, voice hoarse. “You’re the song.” 

“I’m. . .what?” 

Wanting her to understand as soon as possible, Joel began humming the melody every part of him had grown accustomed to. He went on until her features shifted from confusion to recognition, a hand coming to cover her mouth. 

“You heard me?” she whispered. 

“I did,” he swallowed. “Every night.” 

Joel didn’t waste any more time. He held her gently by the neck, feeling her pulse as he crashed their lips together. He licked himself deep into her mouth and tasted the sea on her tongue. Her hands limply pawed his chest, bunching his shirt between delicate fingers. 

Her moans were even more beautiful than her song. 

He couldn’t get enough of it. His mouth devoured her, eating her alive with every fat swipe of his tongue. Her moans were swallowed by him. She was pliant, body trembling against his, desperate in the way she allowed herself to be consumed. Her breath stuttered as he cupped her breasts, the scale that covered them slowly sinking into her skin, leaving her bare to his tongue. 

Joel wanted no time in lowering himself, sucking the pebbled flesh between his lips. He swirled his tongue and nipped her with sharp teeth. She thread her fingers through his hair, pulled him closer. Joel looked at her between heavy lashes. Her breathing was frantic, her heart like a hummingbird’s in her chest. He pushed her tits together, dragged his tongue quickly from one swollen nipple to the other, she threw her head back with a wanton moan, the sound bouncing off of the walls. 

He felt the sting of her nails on his shoulders. Her trails thrashed against the calm waters and his one hand slid down to where the scales began. Joel never felt them properly before. He cupped the area where her ass would be if she were human, the pads of his finger digging into her flesh. She seemed to enjoy that. Her body shuddered, her scales growing wetter by the second. 

Joel parted from her chest with a pop, his lips were damp and a string of saliva followed him. “How does this work?” he asked, voice nothing but gravel. 

Still in a haze, she blinked. Confused. A smug smile tugged at his lips, pride, and cock swelling simultaneously. Finally, when she understood, she took his hand and led it down to her front. Joel didn’t look. He wanted to memorize her face instead, engraving every part of her into memory. As he was preoccupied, he felt it, an opening similar to a human woman’s. She still held her wrist while he explored. He traced the lips, the wetness between them. 

Her eyes rolled back when he brushed against the crown of her cunt, a throbbing pearl hidden. “Joel,” she breathed. “Again, please.” 

He nuzzled her neck and laid a kiss. “You’re not that different from your human counterpart it seems,” he murmured, goosebumps rising where his lips touched. “I want to eat this pretty cunt out, sweetheart. Let me taste you.” 

She nodded hazily, eyes clouded by lust. Joel splayed her over the shore, the bottom half of her tail still lazily moving under the water. He didn’t care about getting wet. Moving down, he straddled her and looked down. 

The breath got knocked out of him. 

Her hands were on each side of her head above the gravel, her chest raising up and down heavily as she looked up at him, gaze half-lidded. Joel’s gaze traveled lower. Just like he imagined, there was an opening a bit lower from where her tail started. The gaps between the scales had become almost non-existing, accommodating the perfect cunt that’d blossomed for him. It was wet. Glistening. He went down on his elbows, his mouth watering at the sight of it trembling. 

“So pretty,” he rasped. “Gonna fuckin’ devour you, honey.” 

He pressed his lips hungrily, tongue delving between her folds and tasting her from within. He didn’t separate as he moved his jaw. Her cunt fluttered and squeezed his tongue, begging him for more. Joel obliged, dragging his mouth up and down and purposefully bumping her clit with the curve of his nose. 

She was so darn wet. Soaked. He heard whimpers of his name but he was too far gone to grace the pleas with a response. Joel closed his lips around her clit and sucked, applying pressure with a pointed tongue. His fingers joined in on the fun, he pushed them in knuckle deep, scissoring them as he drew circles over the throbbing bundle of nerves. 

“That’s it,” he hummed, his breath warm against her core. “Fall apart for me, sweet temptress.” 

It was too much, too fast. 

His tongue was merciless, his words like a honeyed poison. Your mind was nothing but a haze. The world around you is left spinning. You didn’t remember the last time someone had you like this, so hungry and desperate. All you could do was beg for more. His fingers were thick and long inside of you, pressing harder and harder until he reached the spot that made you see stars. 

It didn’t take you long after that. His tongue flat over your clit, you felt your muscles begin to tighten, your scales practically vibrating in answer to the strokes of his mouth. 

His hand moved to the side of your face as he increased the pressure with his tongue, making you moan and thrust your hips against him. Your body was his to control and it responded eagerly to each touch, kiss, and lick. As his lips pressed harder and deeper, his mouth moving sloppily, your breathing began to quicken, your heart pounding in your ears amidst the sound of the waves lapping against your tail. 

He moaned into your pussy, your ears narrowed on the sound, forgetting all else. Feeling your slick becoming heavy on his tongue, he repeated the sound and your chest heaved, beasts tingling. You could feel your entire body tensing up, your fingers gripping his wet hair for leverage as you shuddered and exploded in his arms.  Your muscles tightened and quaked against him as his jaw and tongue continued their wicked work until finally, mercifully, you were released and slipped off the edge into the depths of rapturous bliss. A squirt of wetness soaked them both, filling his mouth and making a mess of his plump lips. 

Your world stilled and your eyes rolled back in your head as you lay there in his arms, savoring every second of nirvana that his tongue had so generously gifted to you. He didn’t stop until you were tugging at his hair. Joel did so with a soft growl, his gaze dark as he faced you, a wicked hunger still clouding his eyes. His hair still tight between your fingers, he parted his lips, and a string of saliva fell in a vicious drip from his tongue. You shuddered. Never breaking his gaze, he delved his fingers between the delicate folds and spread the mess he made. Debouched, was the only this you were able to think about. 

This man was every bit of hungry as you were. 

“Joel,” you whined upon feeling your arousal rapidly building between your legs once more. “I want to feel you.” you swallowed. “Want your cock.”  

“Say that again, sweetheart,” he groaned. “Convince me how bad you want it.” 

You weren't sure what to do, but you humored him anyway. Crunching up, you met him halfway in a wet kiss. “I want you to split me into two, Joel,” you whispered into his lips. “Want to feel the stretch of your cock. Want to feel that it’s real. I want you to fuck me so good that you’ll be spilling out of me as you take me again,” you dragged your lips down his throat. He was shaking. “Again,” a kiss. “And again. . .” 

“Fuck,” he moaned. “So filthy for such a pretty thing.” 

“Joel,” you whispered, ignoring him. You cupped his cock through his jeans and began to stroke him. His forehead fell to your shoulder, hips canting shallowly into your wanting palm. “Prove to me that humans can fuck just as well.” 

You’re not sure what it was—Jealousy? Pride? Whatever you said that got under his skin, you were glad. 

Joel pinned you to the gravel, his rough hands sliding from your shoulders to your waist. He stroked where the scales began, sending tremors and tingles up your body. He freed himself of his belt with one skilled hand and pulled out his cock. The tip glistened, precome still oozing from the tip. Your mouth watered. For a human, he was rather blessed. He eagerly stroked himself over you, his cock jutting from his fist. You warmed at the sight, slick wetting the inside of your thighs and adding to the mess. You couldn’t help it. There was just something so incredibly erotic about a man fucking his fist. It felt so primal. So instinctive about it.  

He pushed into you with a clipped groan, the movement almost punishing. Your insides clenched and all the air in your lungs seemed to desert you by the force of the thrust. Looking down at you, Joel smiled. The curl of his lips menacing and taunting. He pulled back agonizingly slow before he was rutting back into your spasming hole. You let out a sound between a hiss and a moan. His glee only seemed to heighten when you held on to his biceps, grounding yourself against the rock of his hips. 

“What’d you say, sweetheart?” he said, tone laced with venom. You were in a thick haze of lust, your mind finding trouble understanding his words. When you couldn’t answer, he slammed harder into the tight fist of your cunt. Your body drooled all over him and you felt like you couldn’t breathe. “Can humans fuck?” he said cruelly. 

Your mind was scattered. Especially when he sucked a nipple into his mouth, teeth grazing over the sensitive flesh. His fingers began to move down your tail where the scales were most sensitive. Joel didn’t know this. As he skimmed a line back up with blunt nails, he was taken aback to feel you gripping him tight, slickness flowing from you like a broken fountain.

Your lungs burned. Your body nothing for of aflame. A strangled moan left him, the tightness of your cunt forcing him to slow. “Holy shit,” he moaned, jaw slack. “What the fuck—” His eyes went to meet yours only to find you hidden under your hands. An adorning smile grazed his face. “Hey, look at me,” he said and rolled his hips as an incentive. A short breath parted your lips. You lowered your hands, eyes tearing as you met his gaze. “Why so embarrassed darlin’? That was fuckin’ hot.” 

You didn’t answer. Not enjoying your silence, Joel again grazed your scales with his nails. He nearly came when you squeezed around him again, forcing the hitch of his breath. “You like when I do that?” he murmured. 

“Y-Yeah,” you answered. “They become sensitive during intercourse.” 

“Interestin’,” he hummed, looking down to where his cock was still buried deep. Keeping your hips pinned, he pulled out and grinded his cock over your tail instead. Your eyes grew wide from where it was glued. He made a delicious mess of the scales, slick and precome staining the vibrant blue and gray. Pleasure rippled across your tail and your brows furrowed, your expression melting in bliss. 

“I could stare at your face forever,” he muttered. “I don’t think I ever seen such a fucked out expression.” 

Heat gathered under your cheeks but honestly, you couldn’t really focus on it. Joel slipped back inside of you, despite how wet you were, you could still feel him stretching you wide. And with every wild thrust, he managed to get deeper and deeper. His cock pulsed, fingers now a constant pressure on your sensitive tail, “Gonna come,” he moaned, eyelids fluttering. You wrapped your arms around him and pulled him close until you felt the entirety of the man’s weight. 

You wanted to feel him dripping out of you and you made your message clear by holding him in place. He was vocal where his face was buried in your neck. Tongue and teeth abusing the skin. His movements were rapid, the sound of skin against skin echoed, cock pressing hard into your heat. He fucked you until he stole his third orgasm from you, it felt like a jolt of electricity, your slick coating his length and dripping down. It was so overwhelming that you bit where his neck met his shoulder. You ignored the fact that this marked him as yours, and that the mark of a mermaid would last for weeks. 

Joel didn’t mind the pain. In fact, it spurred him on. He whined into your skin, hammering until he spilled into you, filling you until it was spilling from where he was stretching you. The way you fluttered and clenched was too much for him, he fucked his come back into you, hearing it make those sloppy wet gushing noises against his hips. He drove his hips forward until there was nothing left of him. His moans bounced off of clenched teeth. 

And when your arms fell back to the gravel, limp with pleasure, he stopped. 

You sighed happily at the touch of his lips over your heated skin. He kissed a trail down to your breasts, kissing each one, his softening cock slipped out of you and he went lower. Kisses and licks on your stomach and lastly one placed on your trembling mound. 

Your hands hastily pulled him back up for a long, lazy kiss. It was full of emotion, each swipe of your tongue conveying something else. Gratitude, pleasure, love. 

“You’re healed aren’t you?” he murmured against your lips. 

“Yes.” 

A beat of silence. 

“Now what?” 

“Now,” you sigh. “I leave.” A humorless, bitter chuckle left your lips. “But I really don’t want to.” 

He answered almost immediately, “Then don’t.” 

Joel pulled back to look at you, his gaze warm like the sun dancing above waves. You let out a sigh. Just like the sun, the look was also blinding. “I can’t live in this cave forever.” 

His brows drew together with confusion and you worried that perhaps you accidentally said something else. He shook his head, “Who said anythin’ about livin’ in this cave?” Joel’s lips curled in amusement in answer to your shocked expression. “You were already livin’ close to the lighthouse, weren’t you? You can come and visit. And I can visit the shores more often, As long as you’re not on the other side of the sea, we can be together.” 

He looked at you expectantly, and when your silence grew, so did his doubts. “Right?” he asked. 

“Right,” you repeated. You giggled at his relieved expression and gave him a quick peck on the lips. “I don’t know why I just assumed I’d have to live here. Like some sort of weird prison.” 

“Hmmm,” Joel smiled dragging his nose down from your temple to your cheek. He pulled you close and you laid your head over the expanse of his chest. “I guess I just fucked you that good.” 

“Don’t get so full of yourself. I was just taken by surprise.” 

“Sure, honey,” he answered, smile widening into a grin. “Whatever you say so.” 

(i made this moodboard before fanna's stunning bday gift to me which is the gif above but I adore this mood board so I decided to put it here thank you for reading xx)

[gilverrwrites]

A kiss for the caged bird

Tim Drake/Reader, 5K

AN: Please don't think too hard into any of the science-y crap I wrote, I was pulling it all out of my butt. Anyway, this was supposed to be a quick 500-1000 thing to clear up my writer’s block and here we are. Bon appetit my loves, I hope you enjoy ♥︎ Warnings: Dub-con (purely by the nature of sex pollen) | voyeurism | swearing | dirty talk | mean-ish Tim | minor slut-shaming ♥︎

His normally tender blue eyes are completely saturated with a dense shade of green. From the whites, to his pupils, they almost seem to be glowing. They've also been watching you like a hawk with a heated intensity that puts your hairs on edge from behind the glass of his cell since you’d entered the cave.

“It's just a shame the one person who could probably crack this in no time is the one person who can't help us right now.” Dick laments as he adjusts his bootstraps. “But I have complete faith that Oracle has got this.”

“Me too.” You agree as you stare at the projected screen, all of Barbara’s research thus far. Most of it made little sense to you but it all seemed technical enough, like she was on the right track.

“Right, so she's gonna keep working on that, Spoiler and Orphan are following the Narrows lead while Red Hood and I check out the Reservoir.” The words breeze through your head, you know you should be paying more attention but you're only half listening. Tim has taken his shirt off and is leaning against the cell door. His toned body gleaning under a layer of perspiration, as his venomous green eyes stay locked onto your frame, in all of its dragged-out-of-bed-at-2 AM-after-a-looonnnnngggggg-day-patrol glory. Seemingly noticing your distraction, Nightwing steps into your line of sight as he continues to relay the plan. “You just have to make sure he doesn't hurt himself or do anything stupid until we figure this out.”

“I know, I got it.” Dick doesn’t seem convinced, frowning as his eyes dart between you and Tim. Ignoring his doubts, you settle into the chair at the centre of the console, clicking away until you pull up the live feed from inside Tims's 6x8 prison. You can understand Dicks caution, the undeniable chemistry you and Tim shared had been evident to everyone for a long time, impeached only by your mutual reluctance to date on the job. If Bruce were here, he’d never allow for this, but Dick is doing the best he can with the resources available. Regardless, all doubts aside, you won’t allow your feelings to cause problems, not when lives hang in the balance. “Just go.”

“You’re sure?” He tries to place a reassuring arm on your shoulder but you both jump at the sudden sound of Tim’s fist needlessly hitting the wall. He’d need superstrength to break out of that thing, you're not concerned. Maybe a little more roused by the lack of restraint than you’d like to admit, but no less confident in your ability to babysit than you had been moments ago.

“Certain.” You wave off Dick when he turns back to you, lips still pursed. “Go. Who knows what that crap is doing to him, the sooner you find Ivy, the better.”

He knows it, probably better than you do.

“Buzz if you need anything.” At once you're relieved by his departure, and concerned for his safety, for everyone’s safety.

“Be safe.” You bid, watching as he straddles the Wingcycle.

“Be safe.” He echoes and without another word he's gone, leaving you alone to care for your caged Red Robin.

For a long time, you stare at the empty space Dick left behind, all too aware of Tim and the way his hot-blooded stare makes your skin burn but eventually you have to face him. Can’t monitor him without looking at him after all.

In an attempt to ease the mood, you offer him a smile. Apparently, it does nothing to reassure him or ease his tensions. He simply continues to glower at you. When that doesn’t work you play up your preceding frown, playfully pouting the way you would when you’re teasing his mid-mission stresses, but that fails too. Finally, you curve your left hand in a half heart shape, a common greeting between the two of you from rooftop to rooftop and for a moment you think it might work. He pulls the hand he has pressed to the glass back for a moment, but all he does is clench his fingers back and forth a few times before letting it fall to his side.

At a loss you spin around to the computer, tapping your fingertips on the desk as you consider Barbara’s research once more. The chances of becoming a forensic palynologist within a few hours with nothing but google and whatever research Bruce has backed up in the archives is slim, but it saves twiddling your thumbs, so you start by looking up any chemicals identified by the forensic scanner that you’re not familiar with.

It’s hard to sit still, knowing your every move is being scrutinised but by far the worst part is the silence. Tim and you are muted to each other unless you’re pressing the comms link located on the keypad by the cell door. The only sounds you can make out are the far away screeches of real-life bats located further into the cavern, and the drip, drip, dripping of the wet walls. It’s downright eerie when you’re practically alone, so when Oracle buzzes in about an hour later you jump to answer it, eager to hear another human, and anxious to find out if she has any updates.

“How’s he holding up?” She asks, and you’re glad she can’t see your worried expression. Tim hasn’t moved since Dick left. Except for when you’d crossed the bullpen to look for a fresh pen after the one you’d been using ran out of ink. You exclude that last part from your update, however.

“Okay, just tell him to hang tight, I'm getting closer.” You can tell she’s trying to sound more hopeful than she actually is, and your suspicions are confirmed when she begins to ramble about her findings. She often uses the team as a sounding board when she’s trying to wrap her head around something. “The pollen he inhaled is decreasing his plasma levels and increasing his testosterone.”

“If he’d touched the plant like she’d wanted him too it would re-level those hormones, presumably she was relying on him needing that to keep him under her control.”

“Right.” You’ll pat yourself on the back for impressing her at a more appropriate time. “And if that were it, we could just pump a bunch of oxytocins into him and voilà! But something else is messing with his nociceptors. Not to mention this stuff is packed with things I’ve never even heard of. Have you heard of horny goat weed?”

“Yeah, epi-me-di-um.” You sound the word out from your notes. “Only since tonight.”

“Where do people get these names from?” Babs groans, you can hear her tapping away at her keyboard. “I’m close though, I know it.”

“I believe in you.” She ‘awhs’ at your encouragement.

“Until I’ve got this, there is one thing he can try.” She trails off at the end. Her hesitation strikes you as odd. Surely whatever it is, it can’t be that bad. “If he’s really suffering… ejaculating might help ease any pain if only temporarily. Masturbatory only, obviously, this stuff can and will spread like hot gossip at one of Bruce’s galas.”

“Ah, okay.” You understand her aversion now, looking over at Tim as you consider how you’re going to tell him that. “I will pass the information along.”

The line goes quiet, Babs clearly sensing your discomfort, but however you’re feeling, Tim is likely feeling one thousand times worse.

Habitually, you tell each other good luck and be safe before hanging up, promising to get back to each other ASAP should anything change.

As you pass by the glass of his cubicle to reach the control panel on the other side Tim follows, falling into stride with you like a mirror image. When you stop, he stops, pressing his forearm to the glass and leaning his weight against it as he awaits your next move. Tilting closer when your fingers graze the comms button. Up close you can see that actually his irises are still blue, they’re just almost non-existent, drowned out by his green sclera’s and the sheer size of his impossibly blown-out pupils. 

Bzzt. The mic crackles as you activate it.

“Hi.” You test the waters, but when he doesn’t respond you press on. “Are you in pain?”

He silently gazes at you for so long that you start to think he’s never going to answer you. Dumbly, you tap your finger on the plane to try and coax him out of his head, instantly feeling bad as you remember all those signs in zoos ‘PLEASE DON’T TAP THE GLASS, IT MAY CAUSE STRESS OR HARM TO THE ANIMALS’.

Tim must feel the same, like a caged beast, because the seething in his response startles you. 

“No.” He taunts mockingly, mouth still twisted into a tight snarl. “I feel fantastic.”

At least his sharp humour is unaffected.

“Oracle said… that…” You can’t help allowing your eyes to trail down his body, shamelessly locking onto the subject matter, due to the distance and the darkness of his tights you’d hadn’t noticed until now that he’s rock hard, the length of his erection straining against the close-fitting fabric. Your face burns at the realisation, at your obliviousness. Of course he was, that’s what aphrodisiacs do. But mostly you're ashamed of how much you enjoy looking at it.  

“Wh-” Tim's voice makes you jump. Embarrassed, you inadvertently take your hand off the switch. An uninfected Tim would have rolled his eyes at that, would have laughed at you good-naturedly, but this Tim just tilts his head like he’s cracking his neck, eye still on you. It’s like he physically can’t look at anything else, can’t stop drinking in every inch and crevice of you, cuts and moles and all. When you push down the button again, he repeats himself impatiently. Bzzt. “What did Oracle say?”

You take a deep breath, staring at the wall behind his head to help you concentrate, determined to get the words out no matter how awkward you feel saying it. “She said that masturbating, specifically ejaculating, won’t fix things, but it should… alleviate some of your discomfort, for a while.”

It’s his turn to drum his fingers on the glass, jaw growing tight as he seems to mull on what you’ve just told him. You chance a glance back down to his crotch just long enough to see him palm his hard-on through his pants. You’re unable to keep from imagining what he looks like down there or how he might go about pleasuring himself. Feeling bad for having such depraved thoughts about him while he’s suffering and vulnerable, you remind yourself not to gawk at him.

“No, I’m not doing that.” He states sternly.

“It might help.” Your objection comes purely from a place of concern.

“What would help me is if you’d fuck off.” His response is like a slap in the face, hitting you out of nowhere. You’re only trying to help, had your wondering eyes really prompted this level of ire?

“Wh- “

“It’s bad enough that I can’t control my body and that I’m stuck in here unable to do anything worth doing, but I have to watch you fucking slutting around in those f-.” Shocked by his sudden outburst, you instinctively pull your hand back. You know he’s just trying to let off his frustrations, but it still stings a little. Feeling bad for silencing his partly warranted rant, you tune back in, unable to keep yourself from flinching and jumpily flailing your hands around every time he gets under your skin. Bzzt. “Should be making an antidote or tracking down Ivy but instead all I can think about is bending you over that-”

Bzzt. “-out there trying to help me and I wanted to punch him for touching you like some macho i-” For the first time since you’d started supervising him, Tim finally looks away from you. Throwing his head back and tugging on his own hair as he tries to compose himself. It doesn’t work. You hadn’t thought it possible but when he finally comes back to you, his face is flooded with even more ferocity, like he wants to eat you alive. Bzzt.“-elp me, if you want to help me then fuck me yourself or get out of my sight!”

There's no way you’ll let him get away with talking to you like this, but now is not the time. Swallowing your pride and clenching your fists, you leave him be, hurrying back to the desk, cursing him under your breath as you pull your feet up into the chair and turn your back to him in order to try and make yourself as small as possible. You hate to admit it, but if it weren’t for the risk of infection, his parting words might have worked. Fuck. The thought of opening that door and letting him bend you over whatever he’d had in mind makes your blood rush. 

To distract from the thought of Tim’s cock being buried tight in your walls, or how hot he’d look, panting and red faced beneath you as you fucked yourself on his length, you return to your research, glancing at the live feed to Tim’s cell every few minutes purely to confirm that he’s still alive. 

You consider changing into something more conservative, this might be the one and only time you could consider slut-shaming somewhat okay, but to do that he'll be forced to look at you, so ultimately you elect not to.

Filthy thoughts continue to plague your imagination as you try to work, and the knowledge that Tim is thinking them too, only makes it worse. You’re so tired and tense and horny that after a while it becomes difficult to focus. You’re pressing your palms into your eyes when you hear a ping; A message from Spoiler to say that The Narrows was a bust, they’re moving on to another location. Another ping from Red Hood reporting a similar issue with their own intel. One more from Oracle to say that she’s pinpointed 90% of the formula and should be able to start reverse engineering soon. 

You chime in to state that Tim is holding up. The computer pings once more, a private message from Oracle asking if it helped. You’re part way through typing that he refused when you glance at the video feed, Tim still has his back to the camera, his body pointed toward you the same way he had been all night. You freeze as you notice his bare ass.

His hose are around his knees, back bent in a hunched position, one arm jerking rapidly to and throw as he presumably strokes his cock. Without thinking you turn to face him, and he brazenly stares back at you. Once your suspicions are confirmed, you rapidly swing back. 

He’s working on it. You amend. Unsure what to do from there you needlessly stare at the jagged ceiling, restlessly pulling at your fingers as you try to calm and distract yourself from the fact that Tim is currently playing with himself, and using whatever 2-inches of your skin he can see to fuel his fire. Brain and libido at odds, you force yourself not to look at the spectacle he’s putting on.

He’ll be mortified when he’s cured, don’t make it worse, you think. Yet ultimately you crack, too intrigued not to sneak another peek and once you give in to the temptation it becomes impossible to stop.

You could watch him like that all day. Watch the fierce look of concentration on his face, the bulge in his cheek where he’s biting his tongue. Watch the pink crown of his cock, and the way his balls tighten with each brutal thrust of his fist. Watch the way every lean muscle in his body tenses and twitches as waves of pleasure roll though his body. The way his green veins grow more pronounced as he chases his climax? Wait. That can’t be good. 

Had they been green this whole time and you just hadn’t noticed? You've only seen one thing like this before. Venom. Could that be the missing 10%?

As though you hadn’t just been ogling him, you cover your eyes as you approach. This time he doesn’t follow you, legs firmly planted on the ground, but when you glimpse through the cracks in your fingers his head is turned to watch you still and you hastily snap your digits closed again before you speak to him.

Bzzt. “Tim, your veins are turning green.”

At the sound of your voice his knees buckle, your hand falls away to watch as his weakened muscles cause him to fall forward. His weight rests precariously against the glass as he hangs between standing and kneeling.

“Tim. Y- “

“I know.” The aggressiveness in which he snaps at you makes your skin run cold, but he follows it with the most pained, puppy dog eyes that you immediately forgive him. As if you have ever been able to hold anything against him for a substantial period of time.

“It hurts.” His teeth are gritted as he explains. “Hurts when I stop.”

You’ve no idea what to say. You wonder if there’s a painkiller on earth that could help him right now but he speaks again before you can suggest it.

“Help me.” He sounds so solemn, despite the fact that he hasn’t once stopped stroking his dick, closely staring at every curve of your body.

“We’re trying.” Your words barely seem to register with him. “It won’t be much longer.”

“No. Help me.” The repeated instruction does nothing to clarify what else he could mean until he continues. “Your voice sounds so sexy, fuck. Talk to me.”

Oh. “And say what?”

“God, fuck. Do I have to spell it out for you? Anything!” He barks, simultaneously carnal and irritable. Each word out of his mouth is more breathless and desperate than the last.  “Fucking anything. Tell me you want me, that you want me to fuck you. Come on, please do this for me.”

“Okay, okay.” You can do this. “I do want you. I want to fuck- I want you to fuck me so bad, Tim.”

Despite it being true, you feel lame, clumsily parroting him, but Tims full bodied reaction spurs you on. He takes the final plunge, dropping onto his knees, leaning back on his haunches and practically presenting his engorged shaft to you. From here you can see how his skin is tinted several shades of pink and red. His blush seems to stem from his chest, running along his neck and shoulders, highlighting his cheekbones and the tips of his ears. You’ve never seen a prettier sight. It’s so enchanting, it almost diverts from his unnerving blood vessels.

“You’re so beautiful.” You purr, finding more confidence with every quiet huff and moan that spills from his lips. “I wish I could do this for you. I want to make you feel so good, I’d let you fuck me anywhere.”

He nods rapidly at you, encouraging you to continue while bucking his hips forward.

“I know your cock would fit just right in my mouth and feel so good, would make me gag until you came down my throat.” You open your mouth and stick your tongue out to show him, feeling silly until he replies.

“Fuck. Yeah. You’d look good sucking on my cock.”

“Yeah!” You agree, just the sight of him is enough to make your heartbeat race. But the thought of taking him in your mouth, slobbering all over his cock and watching him enjoy every second of it makes you rub your thighs together. You want so badly to get yourself off too but the little voice of conscience in the back of your brain is telling you not to, that it would be taking advantage. “Or you could bend me over, rip off my clothes and fuck me. I’d love to feel you pounding into my tight pussy.”

“Oh, pleasepleaseplease.” The words are slurred as he sinks his teeth hard into his tongue.

“You don’t have to beg, Timmy.” He hangs on your every word as you vocalise the thoughts and fantasies you’ve only ever indulge in when you’re alone at night. “You can have whatever you want. Fuck me however you want, you can fill me up over and over. We’ll make sure everyone knows who my pussy belongs to. Would you like that?”

“Yes.” The confirmation is instant, no-nonsense. Followed by him closing his eyes and slamming his spare hand against the window to steady himself. 

“Mine…” When he opens his eyes again, they unsurprisingly immediately lock onto you once more, zeroing in on your throbbing centre as he tells you. “Let me see it.”

“What?” The saliva in your mouth turns dry in an instant. Despite Tim baring all to you the thought of getting your whole pussy out in the Batcave scares you. In a strangely invigorating way.

“Need to cum and I fucking can’t.” Tim explains weakly, punching the wall again, this time with less vigour. “Show me your cunt.”

The c-word sounds so strange on Tims lips, so filthy. He’s frantic. You’re no closer to understanding how to cure him, and apparently your presence has only made things worse but maybe this is how you help him.

Hurriedly, you scurry over to the Batcomputer, Tim asserting his discontent by hammering his open palm on the wall repeatedly until you return moments later with the desk chair.

You waste little time shimmying out of your sleep shorts before you lose your bravado. Falling back into the chair, you adjust the height until your now exposed pussy is level with Tims eyeline. His demeanour changes in an instant, lips morphing into the first semblance of a smile he’d given you all night as he shifts closer.

Emboldened by his enthusiasm you spread your legs wide, resting your feet on the glass and using your fingers to spread apart your folds for him to get a real look. You’re not sure how he’ll feel about the shameful amount of moisture you’ve produced later, but for now his mouth very visibly waters. You don’t think he’s blinked since you sat down.

Uncurbed, you brush your finger over your sensitive clit, toes curling in response. You’d love to say you did it to put on a show for Tim, to help him find relief but in actuality it’s entirely self-serving. Unable to resist touching yourself at the sight of him on his knees for you, mercilessly fisting his cock in frenzied, rhymeless strokes. Regardless of your motivation, Tim seems to appreciate it.

Strands of his dark hair fall into his face as he leans forward, partly hiding his glassy eyes and reddened cheeks, but he quickly whips them back once more ensuring he maintains an uninhibited view of your fingers as they rapidly paw at your sex. Angling yourself so that Tim can see every minute detail, every roll of your hips as you lower your hand and sink two fingers into yourself. All the while you keep massaging your sensitive bud, Tim’s name a prayer on your lips as you watch him, watching you, fevered and hungry. 

It comes as a surprise when your orgasm hits first, walls convulsing and spasming as you objectify yourself for Tim, acting like his personal pornstar. It’s a shame he can’t hear the wetness of your hole or the strangled, lewd gasps and moans that escape your throat as your body trembles from the intensity of your climax.

The slick of your release leaks from your sex, trickling between your legs, down the chair, and onto the metal floor. Like a man starved, Tim slams his face into the glass, finally closing his eyes and lapping at the pane with a flattened tongue.

Whatever vision he’s conjuring works, his lids twitch, eyes darting open to watch your panting frame. He looks sacrilegious, full body blushed and sweating. His face softens, mouth slack and drooling as rope after rope of cum spills from his reddened tip and hits the pane.

You’re only able to enjoy the sight of him coming apart for a moment before you notice that the viscous fluid is unsettlingly coloured. Not milky white as it should be, but a strange, luminous green colour.

Tim slumps downward once he’s spent, and you watch the rapid rise and fall of his chest while he comes down from his high. Your heart aching as you wonder whether his pain has been even slightly alleviated. The fact that the swelling of his veins seems to have subsided bodes well. Eventually he comes too, enough to also notice the puddle of green excrement between his legs and it’s your turn to all but lunch yourself at him. You shout falls on deaf ears until your kick’s echoes into his cell. His hand freezes and he watches, still hunched as you stumble to the control panel on unsteady legs.

“Don’t touch it.” Tim nods sheepishly in agreement. It probably won’t hurt him, having come from inside him, but better safe than sorry. “I’m gonna grab you some gloves and slides to take samples with.”

Before he can concur, you’re gone, inelegantly hiking your bottoms back on as you go. You feel bad, jumping straight back into business without so much of a ‘how was that for you?’ but these are strange circumstances, and whatever freaky substance he just shot out of his balls might be the missing puzzle piece in treating him.

Eventually, once you’d collected everything you’ll need and updated the Team, you do ask, holding the mic down with your elbow as you pull on a pair of rubber gloves, waiting to take the samples from him. “How do you feel?”

“Hot, and sore.” He tells you. He’s pulled his trousers back up, but you can still see the outline of his half-hard penis. “It’s still in me, I can feel it, but it doesn’t hurt as much. I can think. Which is something.”

“I’m glad it helped. Hopefully we’ll get you back to normal before it gets bad again.” He offers you a smile then. A genuine, none-hedonic one that makes you feel fuzzy. You’ve missed that smile.

“Yeah, hopefully.” He places the slides, tools, and used gloves in the containment slot and closes his side of the two-way mechanism. You offer him a half heart which he returns before you start sorting and bagging everything.

You’re about to turn your back when he taps gently on the glass, gesturing for you to open the comms line again and you oblige with your elbow once more.

“Listen, I’m really sorry for being an ass earlier. You didn’t deserve what I said to you.”

You can tell he’s stressing about it from the gloomy look in his blue-green eyes and the way he tugs at his waistband. Normally he fidgets with his gloves or his collar, but needs must an’ all. You’d give anything to be able to hug him right now.

“Don’t worry, I know you didn’t really mean it.” Admittedly it had shaken you, for all of five minutes, but you’ve never been able to stay mad at Tim, even at his worst, and you’ve seen him do far worse. “You weren’t really mad at me, right? Just the situation?”

“Yeah. Mostly myself but that doesn’t make it okay.” He’s still fiddling, still looking at you mournfully. It means a lot that it bothers him so much, but you need that to stop. You need him to be normal for like half an hour so you can get some work done without worrying. And you need to get the work done so you can make up for your own misdeeds.

“No really, it’s fine I don’t care.” You stress, hoping if you chide him a little it will absolve him of his guilt. “Just don’t do it again.”

“I’ll try not to.” He promises. You can tell by the way he works his jaw back and forth that he’s working up to say something else, something that has his ears and cheeks turning pink. That or the absolved symptoms are coming back already. “And thank you. For the other stuff.”

“Oh good, I was worried you might regret that part.” You hadn’t realised how badly you needed to hear him say that until it happened. It’d kill you and whatever situationship you have going on if he’d considered your actions exploitative.

“No! Not at all. I mean, I always kind of hoped that one day we might end up…” He vaguely gestures into the air which doesn’t help his point, but you understand what he’s getting at and nod, urging him to continue. “You know? But I never would have imagined it happening like this.”

“I know what you mean. I always figured something might…” You’re floundering. This is not the time or place for this conversation, you’re completely unprepared and as badly as this conversation needs to be had, you really don’t have time. “I mean, I wouldn’t wish what’s happening on anyone, but if it had to happen, I’m glad it was you. Because you’re the only person I would have done that for.”  

You can’t imagine having done that for Dick, or Barbara, or God forbid Bruce. Just thinking about it makes your stomach churn.

“Good.” He seems more relieved now than he had when he’d cum. “I’d hate it if you’d done that with anyone else.”

If this were a movie or an action-romance novel, this is the part where you’d kiss, you think. But it’s not, and every second the two of you spend stammering about your feelings and making go-go eyes at each other is a second that could be spent on finding an antidote.

“We’ll talk, later.” You promise.

“I’d like that.” Tim replies before you pull away from the keypad. In a moment of whimsy, you blow your hot breath against the glass until it’s steamed up before pressing your puckered lips on it. No sound escapes the barrier between you, but you can see Tim laughing, his cheeks still palpably pink. He returns the gesture just moments before the Batcomputer begins to buzz.

Hi friend! I just wanted to let you know that I'm glad you exist. ♥︎

[probablyasocialecologist]

WHAT WE’RE WITNESSING IN GAZA, in other words, is not self-defense; it is an opportunistic offensive. It is not a “war,” the word used mendaciously and misleadingly by most of the mainstream Western press; it is a campaign of genocidal violence. Indeed, it’s a “textbook case of genocide,” as Craig Mokhiber put it in his letter resigning from his role as the Director of the New York Office of the UN’s High Commissioner for Human Rights. His words have been echoed by many scholars of genocide and the Holocaust. Genocide is, after all, the term international law provides for a situation in which one group imposes on another “conditions of life calculated to bring about its physical destruction in whole or in part,” in addition to killing or “causing serious bodily and mental harm to members of the group.” Beyond the 11,000 civilians killed, the UN has estimated that 262,000 residential units have been damaged or destroyed—amounting to about half of Gaza’s entire stock of housing—and 1.7 million people displaced from their homes. The territory’s basic infrastructure of electricity, water, and sewage networks, repeatedly battered in previous Israeli assaults, has been damaged beyond repair. Newly installed solar panels have been deliberately targeted and smashed. Israel has targeted and destroyed eleven bakeries producing the staple on which the population depends for its very survival; it has bombed the fishermen’s boats which are, or were, another potential source of nourishment; it has bombed and churned up the fields that sustain Gaza’s surviving agriculture; it has bombed water conduits and reservoirs. People are forced to drink dirty, polluted, contaminated, or brackish water, with the inevitable results of diarrhea and disease. Hundreds of corpses are rotting under the rubble. Whoever survives the bombing today will be drinking seawater and eating unbaked wheat in the future, if not starving, or dying of the diseases already proliferating from the raw sewage running through streets. And there will be nowhere for them to live.

Saree Makdisi, Physical Destruction in Whole or in Part

[pix4japan]

Echoes of Green: A Journey to Kaii Higashiyama's Inspired Pond・四季折々の美しい映り込み：静寂に包まれた長野の池

Location: Chino, Nagano Prefecture, Japan Timestamp: 05:59・2024/09/11 Pentax K-1 II + DFA 28-105mm F3.5-5.6 + CP 28 mm ISO 100 for 1/6 sec. at ƒ/9.0

Nestled in the forested outskirts of Chino City, Nagano Prefecture, Mishaka-Ike Pond is actually a man-made reservoir, serving the local farmers. The peaceful surroundings and its tranquil beauty instantly captivated me.

For photographers and nature lovers alike, the best time to visit is during the early morning hours, around blue hour or golden hour. At this time, before the sun climbs too high, the air is still and the water remains as smooth as glass, creating the perfect mirror-like reflections.

Full write-up and references (1-minute read): https://www.pix4japan.com/blog/20240911-pond1

[keehomania]

save me (구해줘) - bae joohyun (배주현)

✧.* WC: 54.7K

✧.* SYN: you didn’t know how you ended up in the situation you found yourself in, you didn’t know when you had started loving as hard as you did, nor when she had started hating just as hard. maybe it wasn’t hate, but it wasn’t love. maybe if you were a boy, it would’ve been love.

✧.* 18+

in the quiet moments of life, when the world seemed to blur at the edges and the noise of everyday chaos faded into a distant hum, there was a time when having that one true friend felt like the most profound of blessings. it was as if the universe had conspired to place a beacon of light in the path of your journey, a steadfast flame that illuminated even the darkest of nights. not just a companion, but a reflection of the truest parts of oneself—someone who understood the unspoken language of your soul.

in her presence, there was no need for pretense. the masks worn for the world were cast aside, revealing the raw, unfiltered essence of who you were. she saw you not as a collection of faults and frailties, but as a masterpiece in progress, a soul worthy of love and respect. the beauty of her companionship lay in its unwavering reliability. no matter the storm, no matter the upheaval, she stood by you—a pillar of strength when yours faltered, a reservoir of calm when your heart was in turmoil.

together, you shared the subtle joys of life—the quiet satisfaction of a shared silence, the comfort of knowing glances, the unspoken understanding that words could never fully encapsulate. with her, even the simplest moments took on a golden hue: a walk through a park became an exploration of the world’s wonders, a shared meal transformed into a sacred ritual, and laughter—oh, the laughter!—was a melody that lingered long after the echoes had faded.

in her presence, you found the courage to dream and the strength to pursue those dreams. she believed in you when you struggled to believe in yourself, offering a hand to lift you up, a shoulder to lean on, and a heart that beat in sync with yours. her friendship was not just a connection, but a lifeline—a reminder that even in the vast expanse of existence, you were never truly alone.

looking back, the memory of that friendship was like a warm embrace, a cherished relic of a time when life’s complexities were softened by the simplicity of true companionship. it was a time when you knew, with absolute certainty, that no matter what the future held, you had been blessed to experience the beauty of having a friend—a true friend—by your side.

joohyun had always been your anchor in the storm, the quiet, composed presence that kept you tethered when life felt like it was pulling you in every direction at once. even as children, when your world revolved around scraped knees and backyard adventures, joohyun was the one who kept you grounded. she was the kind of girl who never lost her cool, who knew exactly what she wanted and never wavered in her pursuit of it. you admired her for that.

she was the opposite of you in so many ways. where she was serious and composed, you were carefree, often impulsive. you leapt before you looked, chasing after whatever caught your eye without a second thought. and yet, despite your differences, she never made you feel small or foolish. if anything, she seemed to find your antics amusing, a quiet smile playing on her lips whenever you dragged her into yet another one of your wild schemes. you liked her just the way she was—quiet, steady, always a little bit mysterious. and she didn’t mind you either. you were her sunshine in the rain, a burst of light in her more subdued world.

she was there for you in every sense of the word. when you fell as a child, bruising your knees on the pavement, she would scold you for being careless even as she carefully cleaned your wounds, her touch gentle and sure. it was a ritual between the two of you—your recklessness, her quiet care. she was the one who eased you through the tumultuous years of puberty, when your body and mind seemed at war with each other. she never judged you for the confusion, the frustration that bubbled over in those moments when you didn’t quite know who you were. instead, she listened, her calm presence a balm to your troubled thoughts.

when you came out, stumbling over your words as you tried to explain something you barely understood yourself, she was the one who made it simple. “you’re no different from me,” she had said, her voice steady, her eyes warm with understanding. “we breathe, we eat, we live. why would you be ashamed of your heart?” in that moment, you had never felt more seen, more accepted. it was as though she had lifted a weight from your shoulders, giving you the courage to embrace who you were without fear.

joohyun was always there for you, a constant in a world that was anything but. and even when life took you to the other side of the world, to the states for work, that bond remained unbroken. the physical distance never seemed to matter. you were used to calling her at odd hours, checking in to make sure she was eating properly, that she was taking care of herself. it was a habit born of years of friendship, one that neither of you ever questioned.

but this time, it was different. you were in the middle of a meeting, your mind focused on the endless stream of tasks that came with your job, when your phone buzzed with an incoming call. you didn’t even need to look at the screen to know it was joohyun. she knew your schedule by heart, knew when you were busy and when you were free. that she was calling now, in the middle of your workday, meant something was wrong.

her words, when you answered, were stark, devoid of the usual warmth that colored her voice. “my mother died,” she said, the words falling like stones into the silence between you. there was a pause, a breath where you struggled to process the enormity of what she had just told you. and then, in that same flat tone, she added, “there was a fire.”

the details came in disjointed fragments, each more harrowing than the last. her mother had been alone in the house, a house that joohyun had worked so hard to make a home. she had left the stove on, a simple mistake, and fallen asleep. by the time joohyun returned, there was nothing left. the fire had taken everything, reducing the place she had grown up in, the place where she had cared for her mother, to ashes.

the first thing she did was call you. she didn’t ask you to come, didn’t plead for your help, because she didn’t have to. she knew, with the same certainty that had defined your friendship for all these years, that you would come. you always did when it was for her.

and so, you booked the first flight back to korea, your heart heavy with the knowledge that this time, it was your turn to be her anchor, to be the steady presence that she had always been for you. as the plane took off, you stared out the window, watching the world below grow smaller and smaller, and thought of joohyun, alone in the aftermath of her loss.

you had been apart for so long, each of you building your lives on opposite sides of the world, but none of that mattered now. what mattered was that she needed you, just as you had needed her so many times before. the memory of her voice, so calm and composed even in the face of tragedy, echoed in your mind. you knew that when you saw her, she would still be that same joohyun—serious, composed, always in control. but you also knew that beneath that facade, she was hurting in a way she had never hurt before.

and you would be there for her, just as she had always been there for you. you would stand by her side, through the grief and the pain, through the long nights and the endless days. because that was what friendship meant—being there, no matter what, no matter how much time had passed or how far apart you had been. you would be her sunshine in the rain, once more.

the plane jolted as it touched down, pulling you abruptly from the cascade of thoughts that had been swirling in your mind. you couldn’t quite grasp the exact contents of those thoughts—they were a tangled web of worry, hope, and anticipation—but you knew they all revolved around her. joohyun. how you could help her, what the first step would be, how you would even begin to approach her after six long years apart. the thoughts clung to you like a persistent mist, following you even as you gathered your luggage, your senses taking in the familiar sights and sounds of korea. the country’s beauty was as unyielding as ever, its landscapes and cityscapes a comforting reminder of home.

but then, you saw her. she was standing near the arrival gate, her presence immediately recognizable even from a distance. you noticed her long before she spotted you, and in that instant, all those tangled thoughts seemed to evaporate, replaced by a single, clear realization: korea wasn’t the only thing that had remained beautiful. joohyun had changed in the years you had been apart, yet she was still the same in so many ways.

she had grown taller, taller than you at least, and the once slight frame of the teenager you had known had matured into that of a woman. her black hair framed her face in a way that accentuated her features, and though her expression was as composed and unreadable as ever, you knew she was hurting. even so, when she finally noticed you, her eyes betrayed her, lighting up for just a fraction of a second. a smile, small and fleeting, touched her lips, but she quickly tucked it away, maintaining the calm composure she was known for. she slipped her hands into her pockets and turned toward you with a measured nod, a subtle acknowledgment of your presence.

you didn’t hesitate. how could you? the handle of your suitcase slipped from your grasp, forgotten as you broke into a run. you closed the distance between you in a heartbeat, your heart pounding in your chest, not from exertion but from the overwhelming emotion that surged through you. the moment you reached her, you threw your arms around her, rising onto your toes to bury your face in the familiar curve of her neck. for a heartbeat, she seemed frozen in place, her body stiff against yours. how long had it been? six years since you last saw her, standing in this very airport, waving goodbye as you left for the states. you had changed—grown taller, perhaps prettier—but as you held her, it was clear that some things hadn’t changed at all.

you hugged her just as you always had, with all the intensity of someone who had been holding on to their memories for far too long. and then, slowly, she hugged you back. her arms wrapped around you in that same calm, steady way, and you could feel her relax into the embrace, allowing herself to absorb the warmth she had been without for so many years.

when you finally pulled back, your face broke into a broad smile. “i missed you so much,” you whispered, the words tumbling out with all the pent-up emotion you had carried across oceans and time zones. she scoffed softly, her eyes flicking to yours, and you saw the faint blur of tears in your vision. “i can’t believe you’re crying,” she said, her voice light but with an undertone that spoke of something deeper. she paused, and in that moment, there was a tenderness in her gaze that you rarely saw. “you haven’t changed at all.”

her words tugged at something in your heart, a mix of warmth and a sadness that threatened to spill over. but she held it together, even as the sight of your tears seemed to break something inside her. you shook your head and wiped your eyes with a small, resigned sigh. “you’re so cold,” you joked, your voice a little unsteady but filled with affection. “you haven’t changed either.”

a small smile curved her lips, a smile that was all the more precious because it was so rare. without another word, you both turned to retrieve your suitcase from where it had fallen, and as you walked back together, side by side, you felt the weight of all those years apart begin to lift. there was still so much to say, so much to do, but for now, it was enough to be here with her. just like old times.

the drive through the familiar streets of korea felt like stepping back into a dream you had almost forgotten. the air was thick with the scent of home, a mixture of city life and something more intangible, something that spoke of all the memories you had left behind. you leaned out the window, letting the breeze play with your hair, your eyes drinking in the sights you hadn’t seen in years. everything felt the same, yet different—like revisiting a childhood haunt and realizing you’re not the same person who once walked those streets.

your thoughts drifted, slipping into the past, to all the moments you and joohyun had shared in this very city. the streets were filled with ghosts of your younger selves, echoes of laughter, of late-night talks, of dreams spoken in hushed voices. you were so lost in the haze of nostalgia that you barely noticed when the window began to close, the glass rising slowly until it was halfway shut. the abruptness startled you, and you whipped your head around to see joohyun, her fingers still on the button, a smirk playing at the corner of her lips.

“a warning would be nice next time,” you scowled, half-serious, half-amused.

she chuckled, the sound low and soft, a quiet expression of the emotions she kept tightly guarded. you could see it in her eyes, in the way her shoulders seemed lighter than they had been in the airport. despite everything she had lost, despite the crushing weight of her grief, she was happy to have you back, more than words could ever express. and perhaps that was why she didn’t say anything at all, letting the silence between you speak for her.

as the car continued its journey through the city, you leaned back against the seat, turning to face her. “you must be going through a lot,” you said gently, the words careful, cautious. you didn’t want to break her, but you couldn’t ignore the pain you knew she was holding inside. you watched as her face, momentarily softened by your presence, grew distant once more, a shadow passing over her features. “i’m sorry i wasn’t there,” you added, the apology hanging in the air between you like an unanswered question.

she shrugged, her gaze fixed on the road ahead, her expression unreadable. “not your fault,” she replied, her voice steady but detached. “you had work.” you frowned, knowing she was trying to shield you from the guilt, trying to make it easier for you to accept that life had pulled you away when she needed you most. but it didn’t lessen the ache in your chest, the regret that gnawed at you. “everything’s gone, isn’t it?” you asked, the words slipping out before you could stop them.

“the house is gone,” she answered, her voice dropping to a cold, emotionless tone that sent a shiver down your spine. her face hardened, her jaw tightening as she paused, a bitter smile flickering and dying as quickly as it had appeared. “but i’m not sure about everything else.”

a sprinkle of hope sparked within you, a fragile, flickering flame that there might be something left—something worth salvaging from the wreckage. “let’s go to your place first,” you suggested, your voice infused with a determination you hoped would give her strength. then, more gently, you added, “you’ll stay with me until we find you a new place.”

she nodded, her eyes still glued to the road, her hands gripping the steering wheel a little tighter. you knew this was a heartbreaking experience for her, more than you could ever truly understand. the loss of her mother, the destruction of her home—it was a devastation that would take years to heal, if it ever did. but selfishly, you couldn’t help wanting her close, wanting to keep her with you for as long as possible. perhaps it was your own fear, your own need to hold onto the one person who had always been your anchor.

the moment you reached the house, or rather, the charred remains of what once had been a home, joohyun’s face remained a mask of unreadable calm. but as you caught a glimpse of the scene in the rearview mirror, your own composure shattered. the sight of the blackened skeleton that was once her house, her sanctuary, hit you like a physical blow. a gasp escaped your lips as you fumbled with the door handle, stumbling out of the car before joohyun had even unbuckled her seatbelt. you rushed toward the yard, your breath hitching as you took in the devastation.

it was all gone. the house, the memories, the warmth that had once filled this place—it had all truly burned down. the structure was a ruin, a husk of twisted metal and ash, standing like a ghost in the pale light of the day. you felt a deep, aching sense of loss as you recalled the times you had spent here with joohyun and her mother. you remembered the afternoons spent sharing homemade cookies, the evenings where laughter filled the air, and even the night you shared your first sip of alcohol under the watchful, yet understanding eyes of her mother. these were moments that had seemed eternal at the time, woven into the fabric of this place. but now, they had vanished as if they had never been, reduced to nothing more than smoke and ash.

you didn’t even notice joohyun’s presence behind you until her voice broke through the heavy silence. “it’s a mess, isn’t it?” she said, her tone flat, almost detached.

you nodded weakly, amazed at the way she managed to hold herself together. she stood beside you, her gaze sweeping over the ruins with a cold, steady look, as if she had already accepted the loss, as if the sight of it didn’t break her heart anew. you both walked into the scattered remains, your steps cautious, as if you were treading through sacred ground. the once vibrant garden was now nothing but a patch of dirt, the flowers and grass scorched away, leaving behind a barren wasteland. the house, where her mother had once bustled about, was reduced to a skeleton of beams and charred wood. it was hard to tell where anything had been, where her mother had spent her last moments, because everything was gone, indistinguishable from the rest of the debris.

you took it all in, every agonizing detail, trying to grasp the magnitude of the loss, until joohyun’s voice cut through your thoughts. “holy shit,” she muttered, her voice tight with disbelief.

you turned to see her standing in the far corner of what had once been the living room, her frame bent over something small and dark against the ash-covered ground. your heart clenched as you rushed over, dread twisting in your gut. “what happened?” you asked, your voice laced with concern. but as you reached her, you didn’t need an answer. the sight before you told the story in heart-wrenching clarity.

there, half-buried in the soot and debris, were the melted remains of piano keys. they were barely recognizable, twisted and warped beyond repair, but you knew exactly what they were. they had once been part of a beautiful piano, a gift from her mother, a lifeline for joohyun. it was the one thing that had always grounded her, the thing that had held her together when everything else was falling apart. now, it too was destroyed, reduced to a pitiful pile of warped plastic and charred wood.

“you’ve gotta be kidding,” she scoffed, her voice bitter, filled with a frustration that bordered on anger. she stood up suddenly, her face twisted with emotion, and with a sharp kick, she sent the remains of the keys scattering across the ground. the act was one of raw, unfiltered rage, a moment where the grief she had been holding back finally broke through the surface.

you watched her, helpless, feeling the weight of her pain settle heavily in your chest. “i’m sorry,” you murmured, your voice trembling, but you knew the words were inadequate. they could do nothing to bring back what had been lost. joohyun didn’t respond, her expression blank as she turned away from the wreckage and made her way back to the car. you stood there for a moment longer, staring at the scattered keys, the last remnants of something that had once brought her so much joy. there was nothing left for you to do here, nothing to salvage from the ashes. with a heavy heart, you turned and followed her, the weight of her grief pressing down on you like a physical thing.

the drive back home was steeped in silence, a quiet so profound that it felt almost sacred. you had insisted on taking over the wheel, and joohyun hadn’t argued. she simply nodded, slipping into the passenger seat with an almost mechanical grace, her body sagging against the window. you glanced at her from time to time as you drove, the road ahead a blur of gray asphalt and muted city lights. her eyes were distant, lost somewhere deep within herself, her thoughts wrapped tightly around the remnants of the life she had just left behind.

you wanted to say something, anything, to ease the tension, to pull her back from whatever dark place she had retreated to. but the words felt clumsy and inadequate in your mouth. still, you couldn’t stand the silence, so you spoke softly, hoping your voice might reach her. “don’t worry too much about it,” you murmured, your eyes fixed on the road ahead.

she didn’t respond, her gaze remaining fixed on the passing scenery outside the window, her reflection barely visible in the glass. you bit your lip, realizing that your attempt to comfort her had fallen flat. maybe she wasn’t ready to talk, maybe she just needed this silence to process everything. so, you let it be, sinking into your own thoughts, the quiet stretching between you like a fragile thread.

when you finally arrived at your house, the familiarity of it brought a wave of unexpected comfort. it was as if no time had passed at all—the same wooden porch, the same door with the paint slightly chipped at the edges, the same sense of home that had always been there. you hadn’t put the place up for rent or sale, too sentimental to let go of the memories embedded in its walls. the house had always been a repository of your past, a place where you had tucked away moments too precious to be shared with the world. it seemed you were more sentimental than joohyun, who had always moved forward with a quiet, determined resolve, leaving the past where it belonged.

she took your suitcase from the trunk as you fumbled with your keys, her movements steady and purposeful despite the exhaustion you knew she must have been feeling. when you finally unlocked the door and stepped inside, the smell hit you first—a mix of wood, dust, and something uniquely yours. it was the smell of home, unchanged by the years. the interior was the same too, a snapshot frozen in time, as if the house itself had been waiting for your return.

joohyun stepped inside and paused, her eyes sweeping over the familiar surroundings. she took a deep breath, her shoulders rising and falling with the effort, and you could see a small measure of the tension drain from her. “make yourself at home,” you said softly, watching as she nodded in response, her eyes still distant but a little less haunted.

she walked over to the couch and planted herself on it, her movements slow, almost lethargic. you stood there for a moment, unsure of what to do, before you saw her reach into her pocket and pull out a small box. she fumbled with it, drawing out a cigarette and placing it between her lips. her eyes flickered up to meet yours, a silent question lingering in the air between you. “can i smoke inside?” she asked, her voice flat, almost dispassionate.

you nodded with a small smile, understanding the need behind the request. joohyun had always been a smoker, though only in times of stress, when the world seemed too heavy to bear on her own. you had never liked the taste of cigarettes, the acrid smell that clung to the air, but you understood that this was her way of coping, of finding a moment’s peace amidst the chaos.

she fumbled with the cigarette for a moment longer before muttering a soft, “shit,” her frustration evident in the way her shoulders tensed. she turned to you again, her expression a mix of exasperation and helplessness. “do you have a lighter by any chance?”

you thought about it for a second, recalling the small collection you had accumulated over the years. you weren’t a smoker yourself, but you had always kept lighters around, just for her. joohyun had a habit of half-assing her smoking, never bothering to carry a lighter with her. it had become something of a ritual for you, collecting lighters and storing them in a bowl on the counter, ready for whenever she might need one.

without a word, you walked over to the counter and pulled out a white lighter from the bowl. but before you handed it to her, an idea struck you. You reached into a drawer, pulling out a marker, and carefully wrote her initials—J.H.—on the side of the lighter. it was a small gesture, but one filled with meaning, a way of telling her that you were thinking of her, that you would always be there to support her, even in the smallest of ways.

you handed her the lighter with a grin, your eyes warm as you said, “there you go,” pausing before adding with a playful smile, “now you have your own lighter.”

she took it quietly, her fingers brushing against yours as she accepted the small gift. her face remained unreadable, but there was a softness in her eyes, a flicker of emotion that she didn’t bother to hide. a small, almost imperceptible smile tugged at the corners of her lips, and though she didn’t say anything, that smile said enough.

as you settled into your room, the familiar routine of unpacking your suitcase offered a strange comfort, a sense of returning to something long forgotten yet deeply cherished. you laid out your clothes carefully, smoothing out the wrinkles with your hands as you arranged them on the bed. each garment held a memory, a fragment of the past that you couldn’t help but savor. the room was bathed in the soft, golden light of the late afternoon, the shadows stretching across the walls in long, gentle strokes. you took your time, enjoying the simple act of putting your life back in order after the chaos of travel.

your makeup followed suit, each item placed with precision on the dresser. you smiled to yourself as you laid out the small tubes of lipstick, the compacts of blush, the brushes and powders. the thought of sharing these things with joohyun filled you with a nostalgic warmth. it was just like when you were younger, when you would sit cross-legged on the floor of your old room, giggling as you applied cheap makeup to each other’s faces, or swapped clothes in a flurry of fabric before heading out. nothing had changed, it seemed, despite the years that had stretched between then and now.

you glanced over at the clothes you had neatly stacked on the bed. some were from your suitcase, others you had pulled from your closet. they were a mix of styles, colors, and textures, each piece carefully chosen with joohyun in mind. you wanted her to feel at home, to feel cared for, to know that you would do anything to ease her burden, even if it was just something as simple as offering her a change of clothes.

you didn’t notice her presence at first—not until the faint, familiar scent of cigarette smoke reached your nose. you turned to see her standing in the doorway, the cigarette poised between her fingers, a thin trail of smoke curling upwards. she looked at you, her expression unreadable, but there was a softness in her eyes that hadn’t been there earlier.

a smile tugged at your lips as you gestured to the clothes on the bed. “i figured you’d need this,” you said, your voice light but filled with meaning. “but we’ll have to go out and buy some more.” you paused, suddenly unsure. “is this okay?”

she nodded, her gaze shifting to the clothes as she approached the bed. she sat down on the edge, her fingers brushing lightly over the fabric, tracing the patterns as if trying to commit them to memory. a dry laugh escaped her lips, a sound that was both bitter and amused. “just like old times,” she murmured, almost to herself. it was as if she had plucked the thought straight from your mind.

you nodded in agreement, the memories flooding back with a bittersweet intensity. “i can get the guest room ready for you in a bit,” you offered, your voice softer now, tinged with a nervous energy you couldn’t quite place.

but she shook her head, catching you off guard. “what? we can share clothes but not a bed?” her tone was teasing, a playful challenge meant to lighten the mood, but it had the opposite effect. your breath caught in your throat, a rush of old, buried feelings surfacing unexpectedly. the thought of sharing a bed with her, of being so close to her again after all this time—it was both thrilling and terrifying.

she seemed to notice the change in your expression, her teasing smile fading into something more serious. “if you’re uncomfortable with it, i’ll sleep in the other room,” she offered, her voice gentle, as if trying to soothe whatever inner turmoil you were suddenly grappling with. you were quick to protest, shaking your head as you rushed to reassure her. “no, it’s fine. it won’t be a problem at all.”

she nodded, accepting your words without question, but there was a hint of something in her eyes—curiosity, perhaps, or maybe just a quiet understanding. she stood up, taking the folded pajamas from the bed before making her way toward the bathroom. the door clicked shut behind her, leaving you alone in the silence of your room, the air heavy with the scent of her cigarette.

you sat down on the bed, your hands trembling slightly as you smoothed out the fabric of the sheets. what was wrong with you? why were you so on edge? this was joohyun, your lifelong friend, the person who had been by your side through everything. sharing a bed with her should have been the most natural thing in the world, just like old times.

but as you sat there, your heart beating a little too fast, you couldn’t shake the feeling that something had changed. maybe it was the passage of time, the years that had slipped by while you were apart. or maybe it was the weight of everything that had happened, the loss and the grief that hung between you like a thick fog. whatever it was, it left you feeling unsettled, your thoughts spiraling in directions you hadn’t expected.

you left your room, the silence of the house pressing in around you, each step muffled by the soft carpet beneath your feet. the air was still, the kind of stillness that held its breath in anticipation, as if waiting for something to break the quiet. you walked toward the kitchen, the thought of preparing something to eat offering a welcome distraction from the strange tension that had settled in your chest.

but as you passed the bathroom, something caught your eye—a sliver of light, the door left slightly ajar. it was a small thing, easily ignored, yet you found yourself pausing. without thinking, you reached out to close it, your hand hovering just above the wood. but before you could move, your gaze drifted through the narrow opening, and what you saw made your breath hitch in your throat.

joohyun was inside, her back to you as she stood by the sink. her pajamas lay folded on the counter, and she was undressing, peeling off her clothes with a slow, deliberate grace that made your heart stutter in your chest. the shirt slipped from her shoulders, revealing the smooth, pale curve of her back, each motion unhurried, almost languid, as if she had all the time in the world. you should have looked away. you knew you should have walked away, closed the door and given her privacy. but you couldn’t move, couldn’t tear your eyes away from the sight of her.

the room seemed to shrink around you, the walls pressing in as your mind raced. this wasn’t the first time you’d seen her like this; you had grown up together, had shared everything from clothes to secrets. you’d bathed together as toddlers, innocent and carefree, unaware of the changes that time would bring. but now, standing there with your heart pounding in your ears, you realized with startling clarity that something had changed.

you forced yourself to turn away, to drag your gaze from her and step back into the hallway. your heart was still racing, a wild, erratic beat that echoed in the silence. “what’s wrong with you?” you whispered to yourself, trying to shake off the feeling that had lodged itself deep in your chest, a mixture of confusion, longing, and something you couldn’t quite name. you felt the tension gathering in your throat, the way your breath came in shallow, uneven bursts. you swallowed hard, trying to push it down, to regain some semblance of control as you made your way to the kitchen.

the kitchen was familiar and comforting in its simplicity. the countertops were just as you remembered, the cabinets filled with the same mismatched dishes you had grown up with. you focused on the task at hand, letting the routine of cooking ground you, offering a distraction from the turmoil that had erupted within you. you set about preparing a meal, the rhythmic motions of chopping and stirring soothing your frayed nerves.

but no matter how hard you tried, the feeling lingered, a ghostly presence that hovered just out of reach, impossible to ignore. your hands moved automatically, muscle memory guiding you as you worked, but your mind was elsewhere, replaying the scene in the bathroom over and over. you could still see her in your mind’s eye, the way her shirt had fallen away, the curve of her spine, the gentle slope of her shoulders.

you were so lost in your thoughts that you didn’t hear her approach until it was too late. her voice cut through the quiet, startling you. “you’re still a mess in the kitchen,” she remarked, a teasing lilt to her tone. “how you managed six years alone is a mystery.” you turned to face her, trying to muster a smile, but she caught the look on your face, her own expression shifting from playful to concerned.

“what’s wrong?” she asked, her eyes narrowing slightly as she studied you. “you look like you’ve seen a ghost.”

if only it were that simple, you thought, the words catching in your throat. how could you explain the tangled mess of emotions that had suddenly overwhelmed you? the way your heart had reacted to seeing her, the strange, inexplicable pull you felt toward her? you swallowed hard, forcing a smile that felt more like a grimace.

“i’m just tired,” you lied, your voice too tight, too thin to be convincing. but she didn’t press further, didn’t question you as you turned back to the stove. yet you could feel the weight of her gaze on you, the unspoken words hanging in the air between you.

you focused on the food, on the simple, mundane act of cooking, but your hands betrayed you, trembling slightly as you worked. the knife slipped once, twice, but you caught it each time, cursing under your breath. this wasn’t supposed to happen. you weren’t supposed to feel like this, to be so affected by something so simple, so innocuous. but no matter how hard you tried to push it away, the feeling remained, an undercurrent of tension that refused to dissipate. as you stood there in the kitchen, the scent of the meal you were preparing mingling with the faint trace of her cigarette smoke, you couldn’t help but wonder what this all meant. what had changed between you and joohyun? and why, after all these years, did it feel like something was about to break?

you carefully laid out two plates of spicy fish stew on the living room table, the rich, aromatic scent of the dish filling the room. the stew, vibrant with its red chili paste, was a testament to the fiery flavors that defined so much of the cuisine you cherished. the warm, spicy aroma wafted through the room, mingling with the comforting ambiance of your home. joohyun looked up from her seat on the couch, her eyes brightening as she took in the meal you had prepared. “thank you,” she said with a smile, her voice carrying a hint of genuine appreciation.

you both settled into the comfortable cushions, the familiarity of the living room wrapping around you like an old friend. as you began to dig into the stew, you couldn’t help but comment, “i think koreans have a blood that’s more red than others.” she looked up at you with a puzzled expression. “what do you mean?”

“it’s because of the chili paste,” you explained, chuckling at her confusion. she scoffed, her eyes twinkling with amusement as she watched you. a few moments later, the spicy kick of the stew hit your tongue with a vengeance, making you cough uncontrollably. the heat was intense, the spices dancing on the surface of your tongue. joohyun’s teasing voice cut through your coughing fit. “your blood must’ve paled. the states really got to you, huh?”

you shot her a look, downing your water in a bid to cool the fire that was blazing in your mouth. despite the pain, you found solace in the comforting routine of the meal, the familiar tastes grounding you in a way that was both soothing and unsettling. the meal was undeniably comforting, the taste of home a balm to your frayed nerves. yet, as you washed the plates afterward, a sense of unease lingered in the air. everything felt as it should, yet something was subtly amiss. the house, the food, the company—all were familiar, but the undercurrent of tension remained present, like a shadow lurking just out of sight.

you looked over at joohyun, who was now sprawled on the couch, her gaze fixed on the ceiling. the television played in the background, but she paid it no mind, her fingers absently playing with the lighter. the small flame flickered on and off, casting brief, dancing shadows on her face. concerned, you took a seat beside her, breaking the silence with a soft question. “are you sure you’ll be okay?” she nodded, her gaze still unfocused. “i’m just thinking,” she said quietly. “about her.”

your heart ached at the raw emotion in her voice. “you must miss her, don’t you?” she shrugged, a hint of resignation in her tone. “everybody dies, right? i just wanna know what happens after, where you go when the end comes.”

the question was profound, echoing a sentiment that you had grappled with yourself. the uncertainty of what lay beyond was a question without a definitive answer, only a spectrum of beliefs and hopes. you tried to offer a sliver of optimism, hoping it would bring her some comfort. “if there’s a heaven, she’ll be the first one there.”

joohyun’s eyes met yours, a flicker of sadness mingled with hope in their depths. “i wanna go there, too.”

her words cut through you, a sharp pang of emotion striking deep within. you fought to keep your voice steady, a smile curving your lips despite the ache in your chest. “you will. why wouldn’t you?”

her gaze softened, and for a moment, the weight of her grief seemed to lift just slightly. the two of you sat together in silence, the room filled with the quiet hum of the television and the occasional flicker of the lighter. you wanted to believe that everything would be okay, that there was a place beyond the pain and loss, where those we love could find peace.

your room was bathed in the soft glow of the bedside lamp, casting gentle shadows on the walls that seemed to whisper of the past. the familiar scent of lavender, the same scent you had always kept in the room, lingered in the air, mingling with the faint aroma of the stew you had prepared earlier. everything was exactly as you remembered it—your room, your bed, the slight creak of the wooden floorboards beneath your feet. yet, despite the comforting familiarity, your heart was pounding with an intensity that left you breathless.

you approached the bed with a mix of anticipation and apprehension. joohyun was already settled on her side, claiming the left side of the bed. she had always preferred that side, a small detail that seemed so insignificant yet felt profoundly comforting now. you climbed in carefully, trying to mask the nervous tremor in your movements. the bed was just as you remembered—soft, with a slight dip in the middle where you had spent countless nights, and the same plush pillows that had witnessed many shared conversations and quiet moments.

as you eased yourself into your side of the bed, joohyun turned toward you, a yawn escaping her lips. “i’m so tired,” she murmured, her voice carrying a weary undertone that spoke of the long day she had endured. “fuck.”

you settled into your spot, your head sinking into the pillow. “get some rest,” you said softly. “as long as you want.”

she nodded, her gaze following your movements as you found your place beside her. the silence that fell between you was thick but not uncomfortable. it was a silence filled with the weight of years spent apart, of memories rekindled and emotions left unspoken. you turned to face her, your eyes meeting hers in the dim light. in that silence, everything seemed magnified—the gentle rise and fall of her chest as she breathed, the way the moonlight played on her features, the softness of her hair spread across the pillow. you couldn’t help but watch her, taking in every detail as if memorizing it.

joohyun broke the silence with a quiet, almost hesitant whisper. “i missed you.”

her words were a soft, tender balm to the ache that had settled in your heart. your own heart fluttered at her admission, and a genuine smile spread across your face. “i missed you too.”

a small, wistful smile graced her lips in return, a fleeting moment of warmth that seemed to bridge the gap of the years you had spent apart. then, she closed her eyes, the smile lingering just a moment longer before it faded into the peaceful stillness of sleep. the room was silent except for the soft, rhythmic sound of your breathing and the steady, insistent pounding of your heart. it was a sound that filled your ears, a reminder of the emotion you felt, the connection you cherished. as you lay there, your gaze fixed on the ceiling, you allowed yourself to relax into the bed. despite the pounding of your heart, there was a sense of contentment, of belonging, that wrapped around you like a gentle embrace.

when you woke up, the room was still shrouded in the soft, early morning light. joohyun lay beside you, her form curled comfortably into the pillows, her breathing slow and steady. she looked so serene, her features softened in sleep, and for a moment, you couldn’t take your eyes off her. the stillness of her slumber, the peace etched across her face—it felt like a delicate treasure that you didn’t want to disturb.

quietly, you eased yourself out of bed, taking care not to make a sound. the soft rustling of the sheets was the only noise you allowed yourself as you moved about. you dressed carefully, each motion deliberate and soft, ensuring that nothing would rouse her from her restful state.

once you were ready, you padded softly to the door, feeling a peculiar sense of anticipation. it had been a while since you’d checked the mailbox, and a part of you hoped for something—anything—that might offer a semblance of normalcy. stepping outside, you made your way to the mailbox, your heart quickening with each step.

to your surprise, the mailbox was indeed full. a letter jutted out conspicuously, and you retrieved it with a sense of eagerness. as you opened the envelope, a wave of relief washed over you. it was your paycheck for the month, finally arriving after a delay due to your recent departure. holding it in your hands, you felt a weight lift from your shoulders. it was a tangible reminder that, despite everything, some things remained stable.

the financial strain you had been feeling was momentarily alleviated. you knew you couldn’t spend it recklessly, as you had struggled with in the past. joohyun had always been the one with the knack for smart spending, a skill you had admired and aspired to learn. but now, with this money in hand, a thought struck you—a way to spend it thoughtfully and meaningfully.

you hurried back inside, the letter clutched in your hand, and reached for your phone. your mind raced with the idea you had conceived, driven by the need to act quickly and decisively. you knew exactly what you wanted to do. without hesitation, you began to place an order, your fingers flying over the screen. this was not for you but for joohyun, a gesture of care and support that felt right in the moment.

as you completed the transaction, a sense of satisfaction settled over you. the order would be delivered promptly and securely, a small but significant way to show your support and gratitude for the years of friendship and understanding you had shared. you imagined joohyun’s reaction, the surprise and appreciation that would follow, and it made the effort worth it.

when joohyun woke up, the room was bathed in a soft morning light that filtered through the curtains, casting a gentle glow across the room. you were already in the living room, your movements quiet and careful as you prepared two cups of coffee. the aroma of the freshly brewed coffee filled the space, a comforting and familiar scent that seemed to promise a sense of normalcy amidst the turmoil. you had arranged the cups on the table, and as she emerged from the bedroom, her eyes still heavy with sleep, you handed her one with a warm smile. “good morning,” you said softly. “coffee?”

she accepted the cup with a murmured thank you, but you couldn’t shake the feeling that something was amiss. she appeared distracted, her usual composure replaced by an off-kilter demeanor that seemed out of place. though she had slept in, there was more to her mood than mere tiredness. as she sat down on the couch, her gaze fell upon the lighter you had given her. it was perched on the counter, a small, simple object that now seemed to carry a heavier weight. she reached for it, her fingers absently flicking the flame on and off. the sight of the flame, so small and yet so symbolic, seemed to hold a peculiar significance for her—a reminder of what had been lost.

without thinking, you moved closer and gently blew out the flame. joohyun turned to you with a look of surprise, her eyes widening as she met your gaze. “what?” you asked, attempting to lighten the mood. “so glum this early?”

ahe sighed deeply, the sound a mix of exhaustion and introspection. “i’ve been thinking,” she said, her voice barely above a whisper. “i don’t know anything. i have no idea who i am.” her words were laden with uncertainty, a contrast to her usually poised demeanor. you understood her struggle without needing any further explanation. how could she possibly find herself after enduring such profound loss, after seeing everything she had disappear in an instant?

“bae joohyun,” you whispered softly, the name slipping from your lips before you could stop it. “you’re bae joohyun.”

joohyun’s gaze met yours, and a small, sad smile crept across her face. “i have no idea who she is anymore,” she said quietly, her voice tinged with resignation.

you placed a reassuring hand over hers, the warmth of her skin surprising you. the gesture was as much for your comfort as for hers, a physical connection that bridged the gap between uncertainty and reassurance. you winced slightly at the warmth, but you forced a gentle smile as you spoke. “you have all the time in the world to figure that out,” you said. “there’s no rush.”

her eyes softened, and she nodded, seemingly comforted by your words. ahe hadn’t even realized that the lighter had slipped from her grasp, falling unnoticed to the floor. the small act of solace seemed to bring a fleeting sense of peace, and for a moment, the weight of her burden felt a little lighter.

you watched joohyun from the corner of your eye as the hours passed, the way she clung to familiar comforts like cigarettes and alcohol, the way her gaze seemed lost in the flicker of the lighter’s flame. the weight of her grief was evident in these small, self-destructive habits, a silent testament to the immense loss she had suffered. it pained you to see her slipping away, losing pieces of herself in the haze of her sorrow.

the sound of the doorbell broke through your thoughts, a sharp, promising chime that tugged you from your concern. you rushed to the door, your heart pounding with a mix of anticipation and nervous excitement. the order you had placed had arrived faster than you had hoped, and the prospect of surprising joohyun brought a renewed sense of purpose.

“who is it?” her voice called out from the hallway, tinged with curiosity. without missing a beat, you sprinted to her, gently but firmly guiding her back into the living room. “don’t come out, don’t you dare,” you whispered urgently, trying to keep your voice low and insistent. her startled expression softened into a chuckle, but she complied, retreating to the couch with a bemused shake of her head.

you returned to the door, signing for the package and then stepping outside to retrieve it. the box was enormous, much larger than anything you could comfortably manage on your own, but you were determined. the weight of it was a physical manifestation of your resolve, a symbol of your intent to ease her pain, even if just a little.

straining under the box’s weight, you navigated the stairs with careful steps, the bulk of the package pressing heavily against you. sweat trickled down your forehead, and you muttered to yourself, “she better like it,” as you heaved the box into your room.

once inside, you carefully unboxed the contents, revealing the piano in its elegant form. the sight of it, pristine and intact, filled you with a profound sense of relief. you had chosen this as a gift not just for its sentimental value but for the solace it could bring. the piano was more than just an instrument; it was a piece of joohyun’s past, a fragment of what had been lost, now returned to her.

wiping the sweat from your brow, you took a moment to admire the piano’s glossy surface, its intricate details catching the soft light of the room. this was not merely an object but a bridge to her past, a connection to the pieces of herself she had feared were gone forever. you carefully positioned the piano in a corner of your room, making sure it was perfectly placed. the act of setting it up was almost ceremonial, a way of honoring her grief and the memories that had been intertwined with the instrument.

as you finished, you stood back, allowing yourself a moment to appreciate the sight of the piano. you knew that the gift, while tangible, was a symbol of your unwavering support and love. it was a gesture to remind her that amidst all the loss and confusion, there was still something familiar, something worth holding onto. satisfied with your efforts, you made your way back downstairs, where joohyun was still seated on the couch. her eyes were drawn to you as you approached, and you could see a flicker of curiosity in them.

as you stood in the doorway, her eyes searching your exhausted form, she asked, “what is it?” her voice was tinged with concern and curiosity. you could see the confusion in her eyes, but you shook your head, a smile playing on your lips despite the fatigue that weighed on your shoulders.

“just close your eyes,” you instructed gently, your voice soft but insistent. you reached for her hand, feeling the warmth of her skin against yours as you guided her up the stairs. her fingers intertwined with yours, and the sensation sent a shiver through you, a mix of exhilaration and nervousness that made your heart race. you could feel the subtle tremor in your knees, but you focused on the comforting reality of her hand in yours, the connection between you both.

the climb up the stairs seemed to stretch on forever, but with every step, you felt a growing sense of anticipation. as you reached your room, you eased her into the space, positioning her in front of the piano with a whispered, “you can open your eyes now.”

joohyun hesitated for a brief moment before she complied, her gaze slowly adjusting to the sight before her. her eyes widened as she took in the grand piano, its polished surface gleaming softly in the morning light. the instrument stood there like a beacon of lost memories, its presence a tangible connection to the past that had been so cruelly stripped away.

“you,” she began, her voice faltering as she struggled to find the right words. her shock was evident, her eyes moving over the piano’s every detail, as if trying to assure herself that it was real. she reached out, her fingers trailing delicately over the surface, the familiar sensation bringing a tremor of emotion. when she turned back to you, you asked softly, “do you like it?”

the question seemed to float in the air, and rather than answering with words, joohyun’s response came in the form of a gentle embrace. she stepped toward you and wrapped her arms around you, the gesture tender and heartfelt. it wasn’t an eager or frantic hug but one of deep, composed gratitude. you were momentarily taken aback, the warmth of her embrace flooding over you, and you held her close, savoring the closeness you had missed so dearly.

“thank you,” she whispered against your shoulder, her voice catching slightly. “i can’t believe you did this.” you pulled back slightly, offering her a reassuring smile. “you should thank me by playing it,” you said playfully, “it’s only fair.”

joohyun chuckled softly, her eyes sparkling with a mix of gratitude and joy. she nodded, her smile growing as she moved to sit in front of the piano. you watched with bated breath as she positioned herself on the bench, her fingers poised above the keys.

with a deep breath, she began to play. the initial notes were hesitant, but soon they flowed smoothly, her fingers dancing gracefully across the keys. the music filled the room, a rich, melodic tapestry that wove together the threads of her past with the present moment. each note seemed to resonate with a part of her soul, a reflection of both her joy and her sorrow.

you stood behind her, mesmerized by the way her hands moved with such fluidity and skill. the sound of the piano was both soothing and invigorating, and you felt a surge of happiness as you watched her lose herself in the music. the composition was beautiful, a perfect blend of melancholic and hopeful tones that seemed to echo the complexities of her emotions. feeling a surge of affection, you slipped your arms around her neck, pulling her close as you swayed gently to the rhythm of the music. the contact between you both felt natural, comforting. she didn’t seem to mind your touch; in fact, she leaned into it, her posture relaxed and content.

the piano’s melody enveloped you both, a shared moment of intimacy and solace. you reveled in the feeling of being so close to her, of supporting her through this small, but significant act of reclaiming her passion. as she continued to play, her focus unwavering, you couldn’t help but feel the profound sense of fulfillment you had been longing for. in the midst of the music, you held her gently, allowing the notes to carry you both into a space where the past and present intertwined seamlessly.

as the final notes of the piano lingered in the air, fading into the quiet of the room, your arms remained wrapped gently around joohyun's neck. the silence that followed felt sacred, a soft cocoon of warmth and intimacy that neither of you wished to break. joohyun let out a quiet, almost breathless “thank you,” her voice carrying the weight of all the emotions she hadn’t expressed in words.

you smiled, your breath warm against her ear as you whispered back, “i haven’t heard you play in a while.” the truth of that statement hung between you both. six years, or perhaps even longer, had passed without the sound of her music. it was something she had always kept private, a part of herself she rarely shared with others. even her own mother had never heard her play the way she had for you. it had always been your shared secret, a testament to the closeness you once had—and maybe still did.

joohyun nodded in acknowledgment, her body easing into your touch as if seeking comfort in the familiarity of your embrace. “it’s been a while,” she murmured, her voice tinged with a quiet resignation.

you leaned in closer, turning slightly to meet her gaze. a teasing glint sparked in your eyes as you quipped, “must be why you’ve gotten rusty.” the playful accusation was met with a roll of her eyes, a gesture that felt like a return to your younger days when teasing banter was a regular occurrence between you.

she stood up then, gracefully extracting herself from your hold, though her expression remained soft, her smile lingering just at the corners of her lips. you clasped your hands together, a sudden idea igniting in your mind, one that felt so natural and right in that moment. “i have an idea,” you announced, your tone a mix of excitement and nostalgia. she raised an eyebrow, curiosity piqued. “what’s the idea?”

“let’s go to the sea,” you suggested, your eyes bright with anticipation. the thought of the ocean, with its vastness and endless horizon, filled you with a sense of longing. it had been too long since you both had felt the salty breeze on your skin, heard the rhythmic crashing of the waves, or simply sat in the sand, watching the world go by. a smile tugged at her lips, one that she tried to suppress but failed. “we haven’t gone since we were kids,” she mused, more to herself than to you. there was something wistful in her tone, as if she too had been longing for the sea without realizing it.

you nodded eagerly, your enthusiasm infectious. “so, are you up for it?” joohyun met your gaze, her eyes searching yours for a moment before she nodded. “yeah,” she said softly, her smile widening as she agreed. “let’s go.”

the drive to the sea was filled with the kind of simple joy that felt as endless as the road stretched out before you. the windows were rolled down, letting the salty breeze whip through the car, tugging at your hair and filling the air with the scent of freedom. the radio hummed softly, playing songs that seemed to match the rhythm of your heart, every note underscoring the thrill of the moment. as joohyun drove, she glanced over at you, her eyes catching on the way the wind tousled your hair, how it mingled with the scent of salt and summer, how your face lit up with a grin that she had seen countless times before but never really noticed until now.

it was a startling realization for her. everything about you was familiar—your laughter, the way you leaned out the window, letting the wind carry your worries away, the light in your eyes as you lost yourself in the joy of the moment. it was all you, undeniably you, yet for the first time, joohyun felt something shift inside her. a strange, unnameable feeling that no melody could capture, no words could articulate. it was something she couldn’t quite explain, and it made her heart skip in a way that was both unsettling and wonderful. she turned her gaze back to the road, trying to focus on the drive, but that feeling lingered, refusing to be ignored.

when you finally reached the sea, joohyun barely had time to park the car before you bolted out, a cheer escaping your lips as you sprinted toward the sand. she found herself smiling, a genuine, soft smile that she hadn’t felt in a long time. you were a vision, spinning in the sand like a child, the wind playing with your hair, your white dress flowing around you like something out of a dream. the sight of you, so free, so full of life, made something tighten in her chest. you had always been you, the same you she had known for years—so why did it feel like she was seeing you for the first time?

“come on now,” she called out, her voice tinged with amusement. “you’re gonna fall.” but her words barely registered as you continued to move with the wind, your laughter mingling with the sound of the waves, the sense of loss that had been hanging over you both replaced, even if only for a moment, by a burning nostalgia.

she walked over to your side, her steps slow, almost hesitant. when you turned to face her, your eyes were bright with excitement, and it was contagious. joohyun couldn’t help but smile as she took in the sight of you. you looked so happy, and the way her heart raced in response caught her off guard. “just like when we were kids, right?” she asked, her voice soft, almost wistful.

you paused, your expression thoughtful as you considered her words. “not quite,” you said finally, a mischievous grin spreading across your face.

before she could ask what you meant, you crouched down, gathering a handful of seawater in your hands before standing up and flinging it at her with a playful laugh. the cold water splashed against her, and she flinched, a look of shock crossing her face as you grinned wider. “now it is,” you declared, your laughter ringing out like music.

joohyun wiped the water from her eyes, an incredulous smile tugging at her lips. “i might kill you now,” she muttered, but there was no real threat in her voice.

you didn’t wait to find out. with a yelp, you turned and started running, your feet kicking up sand as you made a break for it. to your surprise, joohyun took off after you, her usual cool demeanor lost to the sea breeze. it was a side of her you hadn’t seen in years, and it filled you with a giddy sense of joy. but she was faster than you anticipated, and before you knew it, she caught up to you, tackling you into the sand with a laugh.

she hovered over you, her breath coming in soft pants, her eyes locked on yours. the smile on your face never faltered, even as you brushed a few wet strands of hair away from her forehead. “you’re all wet,” you teased, your voice light, playful, but there was an undercurrent of something more—something neither of you dared to name.

she seemed stunned for a moment, her eyes widening slightly as she felt the warmth of your touch. she winced, but not out of discomfort—rather, it was a reaction to the unfamiliar craving your touch stirred in her. you looked so helpless, so pretty, so oblivious to the effect you had on her, and it was all she could think about.

“shut up,” she murmured, her voice barely more than a whisper, but she didn’t look away. she couldn’t. the feel of the sand between her toes, the salty water clinging to her skin—it all faded into the background. all that mattered was you, lying there beneath her, your eyes wide and trusting, your smile soft and sweet. you frowned slightly, a hint of worry creeping into your expression. “you’re not mad at me, are you?”

joohyun shook her head, her eyes never leaving yours. “how could i ever be mad at you?” she asked, her voice so tender it made your heart flutter.

it wasn’t one-sided. joohyun felt it too, that fluttering, fragile feeling that was as exhilarating as it was terrifying. it was exactly why she forced herself to sit up, to put some distance between you, even if it was just a few inches. but you weren’t ready to let go of the moment. you sat up beside her, heaving a sigh of contentment as you leaned against her shoulder, your head resting there like it was the most natural thing in the world.

she stiffened slightly at the contact, her breath catching in her throat as her eyes once again found their way to your frame. you didn’t seem to notice, lost in your own memories as you smiled to yourself. “we came here when we were sixteen,” you recalled, your voice soft with nostalgia.

her lips curved into a small smile as the memory surfaced. “when you tried to drown my ex,” she finished, chuckling softly. “you’re a lunatic.”

you pouted, looking up to meet her gaze, your expression full of mock indignation. “he totally deserved it for cheating on you,” you insisted, sighing dramatically before adding, “you always pick losers.”

joohyun thought about it for a moment, her eyes never leaving yours as she softly agreed, “i do, don’t i?”

but as she said the words, the realization hit her like a wave. she wasn’t thinking about anyone else—not the ex who had wronged her, not the pain that had followed. all she could think about was you. you, who had always been there, who had always cared, who was still here, sitting beside her with that same smile she had known for years. and in that moment, nothing else mattered. not the sea, not the sand, not even the past. all she could look at was you.

the drive back home from the sea was quieter, but the silence wasn’t uncomfortable—it was a soothing, reflective kind of quiet, the kind that comes after you’ve spent time reconnecting with something you thought you’d lost. the day had passed in a blur of wind and waves, leaving both of you feeling a bit lighter, the weight of everything that had happened recently lifted, if only temporarily.

by the time you arrived home, night had fully fallen, the sky a deep indigo speckled with stars. you groaned as you stepped out of the car, stretching your arms above your head, every muscle in your body aching with exhaustion. “i’m so tired,” you muttered, rubbing the back of your neck as you trudged toward the house. “go sleep, don’t you have free will?” joohyun countered, her tone teasing, though her own steps were slower, more hesitant.

you turned to stick your tongue out at her, a playful gesture that had her smiling despite the turmoil in her mind. without waiting for her to respond, you ran to the bathroom, eager to wash off the salt and sand that clung to your skin.

joohyun chuckled softly to herself as she watched you go, but the smile faded as she made her way to your room. the door creaked as she pushed it open, the familiar space offering no comfort tonight. her mind was a tangled mess of thoughts, each one more confusing than the last. she didn’t know what to feel or if she was even allowed to feel what she was feeling. it was so different, so foreign, yet so intense that she couldn’t simply ignore it.

her eyes fell on the lighter you had given her, resting on the desk. she walked over to it, her fingers brushing against the cool metal before she picked it up. the weight of it felt heavier than it should have. slowly, she flicked it on, watching as the small flame danced before her eyes. it moved with a life of its own, flickering and swaying in the dim light of the room. she found herself staring at it, mesmerized and aggravated by how something so small could feel so mocking, so reminiscent of the very thing she’d been running from.

she didn’t notice how long she had been standing there, lost in thought, until the flame went out. blinking in surprise, she turned to find you standing in the doorway, a soft smile on your face. “you’re gonna burn yourself,” you chided gently, stepping into the room.

joohyun smiled back, setting the lighter down with a sense of relief she couldn’t quite explain. “guess i got a little lost in thought,” she murmured, almost to herself.

you settled into bed, the air between you thick with unspoken words. the silence that followed was heavy, not with discomfort, but with something more—a tension that neither of you fully understood, yet neither could deny. joohyun found herself staring at your back, as if waiting for something, anything, to happen. when you finally turned to face her, your eyes met, and neither of you could look away.

she broke the silence first, her voice barely more than a whisper. “how did you know?” she paused, her gaze searching yours before she finished, “how did you know you liked girls?”

the question caught you off guard, your heart skipping a beat as the weight of her words settled over you. you felt your chest tighten, your breath quickening as you processed what she was asking. “i don’t know,” you whispered back, your voice tinged with uncertainty. “i think i always knew.” joohyun let your words sink in, turning them over in her mind as she tried to make sense of her own thoughts. she had been thinking deeply about herself, about the feelings she had been trying to ignore. “why do you ask?” you countered gently, your voice drawing her back to the present.

for a long moment, she remained silent, her eyes never leaving yours. she was trying to gather her thoughts, to find the right words, but when she finally spoke, it wasn’t what you had expected to hear. it wasn’t what she had expected to say. “can i kiss you?” the words tumbled out, her voice barely above a whisper, but loud enough to break the silence.

your heart pounded in your chest, the world narrowing down to just the two of you. her question hung in the air, heavy with meaning, and you didn’t know how to react. your breathing became shallow, your skin tingling with anticipation as you processed what she was asking. silently, you nodded, giving her the permission she didn’t even know she needed.

she hesitated, her own breath hitching as she moved closer, the space between you disappearing with each inch. when she was so close that you could feel the warmth radiating off her, your eyes fluttered shut, and then her lips were on yours. the kiss was soft, tentative at first, but as soon as your lips touched, it felt familiar, as though you’d done this a thousand times before in some other life. it felt right, in a way that nothing else had for a long time.

you kissed her back, your lips moving against hers in an almost perfect embrace. there was a tenderness to it, a vulnerability that neither of you had shown before, and it made the moment all the more profound. her hand trembled as it came up to cup your cheek, her touch light but filled with emotion. you latched onto her wrist, your fingers gently caressing the soft skin there as you deepened the kiss, letting yourself get lost in the sensation.

when she finally pulled back, her breath was shaky, her heart racing in her chest. your eyes fluttered open, the reality of what had just happened sinking in. it was something you had been longing for, dreaming of, and now that it was happening, you didn’t know how to feel. “was that okay?” you asked quietly, your voice barely above a whisper, laced with uncertainty.

she nodded, a quiet smile tugging at the corners of her lips. “i liked it,” she admitted, her voice soft, but the sincerity in her words was undeniable.

a laugh bubbled up from within you, light and airy, as you watched her, your heart swelling with a mix of relief and happiness. joohyun frowned, her smile faltering slightly as she asked, “what? what’s so funny?” your laughter only grew, your shoulders shaking as you tried to calm yourself down. “am i a bad kisser?” she demanded, a hint of frustration creeping into her voice, though there was no real anger behind it.

you shook your head, your laughter dying down to a soft chuckle. “the worst,” you teased, a playful glint in your eyes. ahe scoffed, rolling her eyes despite the smile that tugged at her lips. she turned her back to you, feigning annoyance, but there was a lightness to her movements that hadn’t been there before. you let your head hit the pillow, the exhaustion from the day finally catching up to you. but as you lay there, something within you urged you to move closer.

tentatively, you scooted closer to her, your heart pounding in your chest as you wrapped your arms around her waist from behind. you could feel her stiffen at the unexpected touch, her breath hitching in her throat. for a moment, you wondered if you had made a mistake, if maybe this was too much, too soon. but then she relaxed, her body melting into yours as she scooted back, letting you hold her.

in the quiet of the night, with the world outside your room forgotten, you held each other, letting the warmth of the moment seep into your bones. it felt natural, as if this was where you both were meant to be all along. the worries, the confusion, the uncertainty—they all faded away, leaving only the steady rhythm of her breathing and the comforting weight of her body against yours. and for the first time in a long time, everything felt right.

when joohyun woke up, the world felt softer, quieter, as if the night had wrapped her in a cocoon of peace she hadn’t experienced in a long time. the weight of your arm still draped over her waist was a comforting reminder that she wasn’t alone, and it made her heart ache with a strange mixture of warmth and longing. it had been the best sleep she’d had in what felt like forever, and she almost regretted that it had to end.

she shifted slightly, careful not to wake you, but the movement was enough to stir you from sleep. your eyes fluttered open, heavy with the remnants of dreams, and you murmured a soft, “good morning,” as you pulled away from her. the space you left behind was cold, leaving her with an emptiness she hadn’t anticipated. “morning,” she replied, her voice still thick with sleep, as she rolled over to face the nightstand.

she reached for her phone, her fingers brushing against the cool surface before she turned it on. the light from the screen illuminated her face in the dim room, casting a soft glow over her features. you watched her quietly, noticing the way her eyes scanned the screen with a sort of resigned anticipation, as if she was bracing herself for something.

her gaze settled on a message, and her expression shifted, something unreadable crossing her features. “my dad texted me,” she announced quietly, the words heavy despite their simplicity. you leaned over, curiosity piqued, your heart fluttering with a sense of unease. “what did he say?” you asked, your voice barely above a whisper as you tried to gauge her reaction.

she opened the message, her eyes narrowing slightly as she read the words. “he wants me to come to church with him today,” she said, her tone neutral, as if she was still processing the request herself.

the gravity of it all hit you, the weight of what that meant hanging between you like a shadow. you knew how much she had been struggling, how deeply her mother’s passing had affected her, and the thought of her stepping back into a place that held so many memories, both good and bad, made your heart ache for her. but joohyun seemed almost detached, as if the request didn’t faze her as much as you thought it would.

“why?” you asked quietly, the word slipping out before you could stop yourself.

ahe didn’t answer right away, her eyes still fixed on the screen as she read through the rest of the messages. “he thinks it’ll help with my mom’s passing,” she finally said, her voice soft, almost distant.

the ache in your heart intensified, a deep, gnawing pain that you tried to push down. how could you discourage her from that? how could you tell her not to do something that might help her heal, even if it meant walking into a place that held so much significance? you swallowed the lump in your throat, forcing a smile as you murmured, “maybe it’ll help.”

joohyun seemed to consider this, her eyes searching yours as if she was looking for something—reassurance, perhaps, or maybe just understanding. after a moment, she turned her gaze back to the phone, her thumb hovering over the screen. “would you come with me?” she asked, her voice barely above a whisper, as if she was afraid of your answer.

your breath caught in your throat. you hadn’t been to a church since you were a child, the memories of it fuzzy and distant, like a half-forgotten dream. the idea of going back, of stepping into a place that felt so foreign now, made your heart race with a mixture of fear and uncertainty. but when you looked at her, at the way she seemed so lost, so vulnerable, you knew you couldn’t say no. you saw the hurt in her eyes, the pain that she was still carrying with her, and you couldn’t bear the thought of her facing that alone.

so, you nodded, the decision made before you even realized it. “of course,” you said, your voice steady, even as your heart pounded in your chest. “i’ll go with you.” the relief in her eyes was immediate, her shoulders relaxing as if a weight had been lifted off of her. she gave you a small, grateful smile, and for a moment, the tension between you eased, replaced by something warmer, something more intimate. “thank you,” she murmured, her hand reaching out to take yours, squeezing it gently.

you found yourself sitting in the back seat of joohyun's car, feeling the tension in the air grow as you approached the church. it was a place you hadn’t stepped foot in for years, and the mere thought of entering it now made your stomach churn with unease. the idea of being surrounded by people who might judge you for who you were, for who you loved, left you feeling vulnerable in a way you hadn’t anticipated.

joohyun’s father greeted you both at the entrance, his face lighting up when he saw you. “there’s my other daughter,” he said warmly, pulling you into a tight hug. you hugged him back, the familiarity of his embrace momentarily easing the tension in your chest. when you pulled away, you offered your condolences, your voice soft and sincere.

“i’m so sorry for your loss,” you murmured, your eyes meeting his. the grief in his gaze was palpable, but he smiled at you, appreciating the sentiment. “thank you,” he replied, his voice thick with emotion. “it means a lot that you’re here.”

as you walked into the church, you felt a wave of discomfort wash over you. the space was grand, with high ceilings and stained-glass windows that bathed the room in a kaleidoscope of colors. the air was thick with incense, the smell overpowering as it filled your lungs. you couldn’t shake the feeling that you didn’t belong here, that you were an outsider in a place where everyone else seemed to fit perfectly. the church was foreign to you, and every step you took felt like it was magnified, echoing in the silence of the sacred space.

you and joohyun found a seat near the middle, close enough to see the priest clearly but far enough to feel slightly removed from the intensity of it all. you sat down, trying to steady your breathing, and glanced over at joohyun. she looked serene, calm even, as if this was just another day, but you could see the underlying tension in the way her hands fidgeted with the edge of her dress. you offered her a warm smile, hoping to provide some comfort, and she returned it, though it didn’t quite reach her eyes.

the service began, the priest’s voice ringing out clearly in the large space, amplified by the acoustics of the room. he spoke of loss, of the pain that comes with it, and the need to find solace in faith. his words were gentle at first, meant to soothe, to offer comfort to those who were grieving. “we are all familiar with the ache of loss,” he said, his voice carrying through the church. “but it is in our darkest moments that we must turn to god, to seek his guidance, for he is the one who will lead us to the light.”

as he spoke, you felt your heart ache for joohyun, knowing how deeply she had been hurt, how much she was struggling to find that light. without thinking, you reached out and placed your hand on top of hers, squeezing gently in a silent gesture of support. she looked down at your hand, her fingers slowly wrapping around yours, and she squeezed back, intertwining your fingers with hers. the simple touch grounded you both, a small anchor in the sea of uncertainty that surrounded you.

the priest continued, his words growing more intense, more insistent as he spoke of the need to obey god’s will, to follow his path no matter how difficult it might seem. “the trials we face are but a small price to pay for the paradise that awaits us,” he said, his voice firm. “to obey god, to live according to his commandments, is to guarantee a place in his kingdom, where there is no more pain, no more suffering.”

you felt joohyun stiffen beside you, her grip on your hand loosening until she let go entirely. the sudden absence of her touch left you feeling cold, a void opening up between you that you hadn’t anticipated. you pulled your hand back, your heart breaking as you watched her focus intently on the priest, her eyes fixed on him as if she was hanging on to every word. she seemed mesmerized, lost in the promise of salvation, of finding peace through obedience.

for a moment, you felt a pang of resentment, a bitter taste in your mouth as you listened to the priest’s words. how could someone be expected to pay such a price? to deny themselves, to live in fear of who they were, just to be accepted into paradise? the thought made your chest tighten, a silent protest forming in your mind. god loves you, you thought bitterly, but not enough to save you.

the rest of the service passed in a blur, the priest’s words fading into the background as you struggled with your own thoughts. joohyun remained quiet, her gaze never leaving the front of the church, and you couldn’t help but wonder what was going through her mind. was she finding comfort in the priest’s words? did she believe them? and if she did, where did that leave you?

when the service finally ended, the congregation began to disperse, the sound of shuffling feet and hushed whispers filling the air. you stood up slowly, feeling the weight of everything pressing down on you, but you forced yourself to smile as joohyun’s father approached. “you did well,” he said, his voice gentle as he placed a hand on her shoulder. she nodded, a small, tight-lipped smile on her face, but she didn’t say anything. he turned to you, his expression warm as he added, “thank you for being here. it means more than you know.”

you nodded, offering him a small smile in return, but the words felt hollow. all you could think about was the space that had opened up between you and joohyun, the distance that seemed to have grown in such a short amount of time.

as you left the church, the air outside felt cooler, fresher, but it did little to ease the heaviness in your chest. joohyun walked beside you, her steps slow and measured, and you couldn’t help but steal glances at her, searching for any sign of what she was feeling. but her face was unreadable, her thoughts hidden behind a mask of composure. you reached the car in silence, the only sound the soft crunch of gravel beneath your feet. she unlocked the doors, and you both got in, the silence between you thick and oppressive. as she started the engine, you glanced at her, wanting to say something, anything, to bridge the gap that had formed between you. but the words wouldn’t come.

the days following the church service felt like you were slowly losing something you didn’t quite know how to name. joohyun’s behavior shifted, subtle at first, but the changes grew more pronounced with each passing day. it was as if the moment in church had planted something in her mind, something that took root and began to grow, twisting its way through her thoughts, altering them, changing her in ways that left you feeling adrift.

it started with her eyes. the way they no longer found yours, no longer lingered on your face with that quiet, thoughtful intensity. before, there had been moments when you’d catch her looking at you, her gaze softening as if she was seeing something she didn’t fully understand but wanted to. now, her eyes skimmed over you, barely registering your presence, as if the act of looking at you was too much, too difficult. it was like she was afraid of what she might find if she let herself look too closely, so she kept her distance, both physically and emotionally.

her touch, too, became something of the past. where once she had hesitated only to give in, to seek the comfort of your presence, to let her hand linger on your arm or her fingers brush against yours, now there was a deliberate space between you. it was as if nothing had ever happened, as if the kiss you shared was a figment of your imagination, a fleeting dream that faded in the harsh light of day. she no longer reached for you, no longer found excuses to be close, and the absence of her touch felt like a loss you couldn’t quite put into words. it was a quiet withdrawal, a silent pulling away, and it left you feeling like you were standing on the edge of something you couldn’t see but feared falling into.

the silence between you was different now, heavier, filled with unspoken words and unacknowledged fears. and when she did speak, it was often to break that silence with facts you hadn’t asked for, facts about religion and god that seemed to come out of nowhere, yet you knew exactly where they were coming from. “did you know,” she would begin, her voice too casual, too light, “that the bible says god will forgive any sin if you truly repent?” or, “did you know that people used to believe you could cure sickness by praying hard enough?”

you didn’t know how to respond, didn’t know how to tell her that you didn’t want to hear these things, that they only served to widen the gap between you. so, you stayed quiet, nodding when she spoke, letting her words wash over you even as they made your heart ache. it felt like she was trying to convince herself of something, trying to find solace in these facts, trying to believe that there was a way to fix whatever it was she thought was broken.

then, she started praying. it was a quiet, almost secretive thing at first, something she did in the privacy of her room or in the stillness of the morning when she thought you were asleep. but you heard her, the soft murmur of her voice as she whispered her prayers, the way her words were tinged with desperation, with a longing you couldn’t quite place. and then one day, you heard her say it aloud, her voice trembling with emotion. “i want to be cured,” she said, her words hanging in the air like a plea.

you didn’t know what she was referring to, didn’t know if she meant the grief over her mother or something else entirely. but the way she said it, the way her voice cracked on the word “cured,” sent a chill through you. you wanted to reach out to her, to ask her what she meant, to offer her comfort, but something in the way she spoke, in the way she seemed so lost in her thoughts, stopped you. all you could do was listen in silence, watching her as she prayed for something you couldn’t give her, something that felt like it was slipping further out of reach with every passing day.

the lighter became her constant companion, a small, seemingly insignificant object that she kept with her at all times. you would see her sitting at the piano, her fingers absentmindedly flicking the lighter on and off, the small flame dancing in front of her as if mocking her, taunting her with its ephemeral nature. you noticed how her eyes would fixate on the flame, how she seemed almost hypnotized by it, as if it held some kind of answer she was searching for. and then one day, you saw her burn herself.

it happened so quickly, so quietly, that at first you didn’t even realize what had happened. ahe was sitting at the piano, the lighter in her hand as usual, when the flame touched her skin. there was a small hiss, the smell of burnt flesh, and you gasped, your heart leaping into your throat. but she didn’t react. she didn’t even flinch. she just sat there, staring at the small burn on her hand as if it were nothing, as if it didn’t hurt. you didn’t know if it had been an accident or if she had done it on purpose, but the way she remained so calm, so detached, made your blood run cold.

when she played the piano now, there was no emotion in it, no feeling, no passion. the notes were correct, the technique flawless, but there was something missing, something vital that had once been there but was now lost. the music felt empty, hollow, like a shell of what it used to be. it was as if she was going through the motions, playing the notes because she knew them, not because she felt them. and every time you heard her play, it broke your heart a little more, because you knew how much the piano had once meant to her, how much joy it had brought her. but now, it was just another thing that had been tainted, another thing that had been lost in the wake of whatever it was she was going through.

you wanted to fix it, to fix her, to bring her back to the person she used to be, the person who had smiled at you, who had kissed you, who had held your hand. but the more you tried, the more it felt like she was slipping away, like she was fading into something you couldn’t reach, something you couldn’t save. and you didn’t know what to do, didn’t know how to hold on to something that was already broken. because when something breaks, you’re supposed to let go of it, to move on, to find something new. but you couldn’t. all you wanted to do was fix it, to fix her, to make everything right again. but the more you tried, the more it hurt, and the less it showed.

the days had grown longer, more drawn out, and more painful, as joohyun drifted further away from the person you once knew. it was late in the afternoon when she finally mentioned the bonfire party. her voice was flat, almost disinterested, as if she was announcing something mundane, like a change in the weather. “there’s a bonfire party by the sea tonight,” she said, not even looking up from the lighter she had been fiddling with.

you glanced up from where you were sitting, a pang of worry twisting in your chest. the idea of a bonfire, of flames and alcohol mixed with the volatile state she had been in lately, sent alarms ringing through your mind. “maybe it isn’t a good idea to go,” you suggested carefully, trying to keep your voice steady. “the fire, it might provoke you even more.”

but joohyun paid no mind to your concern. ahe shrugged, a faint, almost bitter smile playing on her lips as she slipped the lighter into her pocket. “i’m fine,” she insisted, her voice cold, distant. “we’re going. it’ll be fun.” her insistence made your heart sink. she had been drawn to all the wrong things lately, claiming that she was on the right path, that she knew what she was doing, but you both knew that wasn’t true. there was a coldness in her now, a recklessness that hadn’t been there before. she clung to the lighter like a lifeline, a small object that had once meant something, had once been a reminder of who she was. but now, it was just another piece of who she had lost.

you knew it was useless to argue, so you sighed and nodded, deciding to go with her. maybe if you were there, you could keep her safe, keep her from doing something she would regret. the night air was cool as you walked down to the beach together, the sound of the waves crashing against the shore filling the silence between you. the sky was dark, the stars barely visible through the haze of clouds, and the smell of salt and seaweed filled the air.

the bonfire was already roaring by the time you arrived, a towering inferno of orange and red that cast long shadows across the sand. people were gathered around it, laughing, talking, drinking, the flickering light playing across their faces. you felt out of place, like you didn’t belong here, like the fire was too bright, too intense. but joohyun walked forward without hesitation, drawn to the flames like a moth, her eyes fixed on the fire as if it held some kind of answer she was searching for.

you followed her, your heart heavy with worry as you watched her grab a drink and down it quickly, almost desperately. she was drinking more than you had thought she would, more than you had ever seen her drink before. the sight of it made you uneasy, and you reached out to gently touch her arm. “joo,” you murmured, your voice barely audible over the crackling of the fire. “maybe you shouldn’t drink so much.”

ahe brushed off your concern with a careless wave of her hand, not even bothering to look at you. “i’m fine,” she repeated, her words slurred slightly, the alcohol already beginning to take hold. she took another drink, and you bit your lip, watching her closely, trying to keep an eye on her, to make sure she didn’t go too far.

as the night wore on, you could tell she had had too much. you could see it in the way her movements became sluggish, her steps unsteady, and the way her arm suddenly wrapped around your shoulders, pulling you in close. you stiffened at the touch, your heart skipping a beat as you felt her warmth against you. you could smell the alcohol on her breath, sharp and pungent, and you knew that this wasn’t her, not really. it was the alcohol, the numbness she was trying to find at the bottom of the bottle.

but maybe, maybe it wasn’t. maybe this was what she wanted, maybe this was what she felt deep down, beneath the layers of confusion and pain. you wanted so desperately to believe it, to believe that this was real, that it wasn’t just the alcohol talking. so, you eased into her touch, letting your head rest against her shoulder, letting yourself pretend, just for a moment, that everything was okay, that she was still yours, that she still loved you, if she ever had.

you watched the fire together, the flames dancing and crackling, the heat of it warming your skin. but as you glanced up at her, you saw the way her eyes stared into the fire, hazy with alcohol, empty and distant. it was like she was somewhere else, lost in her own thoughts, her own pain. then, without warning, she pulled out the lighter again, flicking it on and off, the small flame dancing in front of her, taunting her, mocking her.

you had had enough. you leaned down and blew out the flame, your voice sharp and edged with frustration as you whispered, “one more time, joohyun. one more time, and you’ll die.”

she scoffed, but there was no humor in it, only a bitter resignation. she tucked the lighter away, her movements slow and deliberate, but she kept her arm around you, and you kept your head on her shoulder. you stayed like that as the party slowly began to die down, people leaving in pairs or small groups, until it was just the two of you left, the fire burning low, the night growing colder.

it was what you needed, the solitude, the quiet, just the two of you. but it wasn’t what you wanted. not like this. not with her so far away, so lost in her own darkness. you wanted to reach out to her, to pull her back, to tell her that it was okay, that you were still here, that you loved her. but you didn’t know how. you didn’t know if it would even matter. and then, she turned to face you, her eyes locking onto yours. your heart broke for her in that moment, seeing the pain, the confusion, the emptiness in her gaze. but you said nothing, the words stuck in your throat, your voice lost to the night.

she leaned in, her breath warm against your skin, and before you could react, before you could stop her, she kissed you. it was sudden, unexpected, and it sent a shock of electricity through your body. for a moment, you froze, unsure of what to do, unsure of what this meant. but then you gave in, your eyes fluttering shut as you kissed her back, your heart pounding in your chest.

her lips were soft, familiar, but there was a desperation to the kiss, a hunger that hadn’t been there before. it was as if she was trying to find something in you, something to hold on to, something to save her from herself. you kissed her back, your hand reaching up to cup her cheek, to pull her closer, to keep her from slipping away. “don’t do that,” you murmured against her lips, your voice cold, laced with fear and anger and something you couldn’t quite name. “god will see.”

she didn’t respond, didn’t pull away. Instead, she kissed you harder, her fingers tangling in your hair, her body pressing against yours. it was desperate, it was reckless, but it was all you had, all she had. if god was watching, if he was there, why did she feel so lonely? why did you?

the fire crackled beside you, the flames dying down, the night growing colder. but in that moment, nothing else mattered. all that mattered was her, and the way her lips felt against yours, the way she held on to you as if you were the only thing keeping her from falling apart. and maybe you were. but even as you kissed her, even as you let yourself get lost in her, you knew that it wasn’t enough. it would never be enough.

the drive back home was suffocating in its silence, the kind that gnawed at the edges of your thoughts, unraveling everything you had tried to keep together. the hum of the engine filled the void between you, and the rhythmic blink of the passing streetlights played across joohyun’s face, casting fleeting shadows that deepened the hollowness in her eyes. she stared out the window, her face expressionless, as if the night had drained her of everything she once was.

you kept your eyes on the road, your hands gripping the steering wheel so tightly that your knuckles turned white. the kiss still lingered on your lips, a bitter reminder of what had happened by the fire. you wanted to speak, to say something that would break the tension, the uncertainty, the fear that had settled between you like an unwelcome guest. but the words wouldn’t come. you were afraid they might shatter whatever fragile connection you had left.

the drive felt endless, each minute stretching into eternity, but eventually, you pulled into the driveway, the car coming to a slow stop. joohyun made no move to get out, and for a moment, neither did you. you sat there in the darkness, the only sound the ticking of the cooling engine, the silence growing heavier with each passing second. finally, you sighed and unbuckled your seatbelt, opening the door and stepping out into the cool night air.

she followed you wordlessly, her movements slow, deliberate, as if she was moving through a dream. you unlocked the door and stepped inside, your heart heavy with the weight of everything unsaid, everything unresolved. you barely had time to close the door behind you before she was on you, her hands fisting in the fabric of your jacket as she pulled you in for a kiss.

it was different from the one by the fire, more intense, more desperate. she kissed you with a fervor that bordered on madness, her lips bruising against yours as if she was trying to drown out the world, to forget everything that had happened, everything that she was. your mind screamed at you to stop, to push her away, to tell her that this wasn’t right, that she wasn’t in her right mind. but your heart, traitorous and weak, told you to give in, to let her have this moment, to give her whatever she needed because you loved her.

you hesitated for a moment, your mind and heart warring within you, but when she bit down on your lower lip, a small, needy sound escaping her throat, you found yourself giving in. you wrapped your arms around her, pulling her closer, deepening the kiss as if you could somehow fuse your souls together, as if that could make everything better, could make everything make sense.

she broke the kiss only long enough to grab your hand, pulling you toward the stairs with a determination that left you breathless. you followed her, your heart pounding in your chest, your mind reeling from the intensity of it all. each step felt heavier than the last, your resolve crumbling with every passing second as you fought against the voice in your head that told you to stop, to say something, to pull away.

but you couldn’t. not when she was looking at you like that, her eyes filled with something you couldn’t quite name, something raw and desperate. she led you upstairs, her hand trembling slightly as she pushed open the door to her room. the moment you stepped inside, she was on you again, her lips crashing against yours as if she was afraid that if she let go, you would disappear.

your back hit the wall, and she pressed her body against yours, her hands moving to tangle in your hair, pulling you down for another searing kiss. you wanted to fight it, to tell her that this wasn’t right, that this wasn’t the way to fix what was broken between you. but you couldn’t find the strength to push her away. not when you loved her so much, not when you had been longing for her touch, her kiss, for so long.

she kissed you like she was trying to consume you, like she was trying to erase everything that had happened, everything that had been said, and you let her. you let her take what she needed, let her use you to fill the void inside her, because you knew that this was all you could give her now. you knew that once the night was over, once the passion had faded, she would go back to being distant, cold, unreachable. but for now, in this moment, she was yours, and you were hers, and that was enough.

you kissed her back with just as much intensity, your hands moving to hold her close, to keep her from slipping away from you. you poured all your love, all your pain, all your desperation into that kiss, trying to convey everything you couldn’t put into words. she responded in kind, her body trembling against yours as she kissed you with a fierceness that left you breathless.

you stumbled back toward the bed, your lips never leaving hers as you fell onto the mattress together. she moved over you, her hands roaming over your body with a desperation that sent shivers down your spine. you arched into her touch, your own hands tracing the contours of her body, memorizing every curve, every dip, every part of her that you loved so much.

when she kissed you again, it was slower, softer, as if she was savoring the moment, as if she was trying to make it last. you kissed her back, your hands cupping her face as you looked into her eyes, searching for something, anything, that would tell you that this was real, that this meant something. but her eyes were guarded, her expression unreadable, and it made your heart ache.

she pulled back slightly, her forehead resting against yours, her breath ragged as she whispered your name, her voice filled with a longing that broke you all over again. you wanted to say something, to tell her that you loved her, that you would always love her, no matter what. but the words stuck in your throat, and all you could do was kiss her again, hoping that she understood, hoping that she knew.

you reached down to unbutton her shirt, her skin hot and smooth beneath your fingertips. she helped you, her eyes never leaving yours as she peeled the fabric away, revealing the soft mounds of her breasts. you took one in your hand, feeling the weight of it, the warmth of her, the way her nipple hardened under your touch. she gasped, her eyes fluttering closed, and you took that as your cue to lean down and kiss her, to tease her nipple with your tongue until she was arching into you, her hands tightening in your hair.

you felt her hand slide down between your legs, her fingers tracing the line of your panties, and you knew she could feel how wet you were, how much you wanted her. you moaned against her neck, your hips bucking involuntarily. she smiled, a knowing smile that made your stomach flip. you pushed the negative thoughts aside, focusing instead on the way her hand felt against you, the way she was making you feel. you let your own hand slide down to her pants, undoing the button and zipper with trembling fingers. you slipped your hand inside, feeling the heat of her, the dampness of her underwear. she was just as eager as you, and that was all that mattered right now.

you pulled her closer, grinding against her, the friction sending waves of pleasure through your body. she groaned, her hand moving to match your rhythm, her other hand sliding up to cup your breast. you could feel yourself getting closer, your body tightening, your breath hitching. you didn’t know how much longer you could take this, how much longer you could keep pretending that everything was okay, that this was what you both wanted.

you reached down to pull her pants off, your own following shortly after. you lay there, in the darkness, skin to skin, heart to heart, your bodies intertwined as you kissed and touched each other with a passion that was almost painful. it was as if you were trying to hold on to something that was slipping through your fingers, something that was never truly yours to begin with.

you felt her hand move between your legs, her fingers delving into your wetness, exploring you with a hunger that left you breathless. you gasped, your hips rising to meet her touch as she began to rub slow circles around your clit. you reached down to do the same to her, feeling the slickness of her arousal, the heat of her desire.

the room was spinning, the only anchor in the darkness her eyes, locked on yours, her pupils dilated with lust. your breath mingled, your hearts pounded in sync as you both lost yourself in the moment. you didn’t know how much longer you could hold on to the facade, the lie that this was just two friends sharing a drunken mistake, that it didn’t mean anything more.

you pushed aside the thoughts, focusing instead on the feel of her, the taste of her, the sound of her breath hitching as you slid a finger inside her. she was tight, so tight, and so wet. you felt a thrill of power, of need, knowing that you could make her feel this way, knowing that she was just as lost in this as you were. you kissed her again, deep and needy, as you felt her hand slip down to mirror your own movements, her finger sliding into you, filling you, stretching you. you moaned into her mouth, the pleasure building, coiling tighter and tighter, threatening to consume you.

you rolled over, breaking the kiss, and pulled her on top of you, wrapping your legs around her hips. she sat up, straddling you, her breasts bouncing gently as she began to rock against your hand. you watched her, the flicker of the dying fire casting shadows across her face, her eyes half-closed in ecstasy. it was the most beautiful, heartbreaking thing you had ever seen.

you reached up to cup her breasts, feeling the weight of them in your hands, your thumbs teasing her nipples as she moved against you. she leaned down, her breath hot against your neck as she whispered, “don’t tell anyone, okay? i’m not—i’m not like that. i don’t do this.”

you nodded, your heart breaking a little more with each word. you didn’t care what she said, what she thought. all you knew was that you loved her, and this was what she needed, what you both needed, for now. so you held on, you gave her what she wanted, you let her use you as she sought refuge in the one place she thought she could never be found. you felt the tension building in her body, her muscles tensing, her breath coming in short, sharp gasps. you knew she was close, so close. you curled your fingers inside her, finding that perfect spot, and she let out a cry, her body convulsing with the force of her orgasm.

you held her as she came down, her head resting on your shoulder, her breath hot and ragged against your skin. for a moment, you felt like everything was right in the world, like the universe had aligned and all was well. but when she pulled away, her eyes filled with tears, you knew that wasn’t true.

she rolled off you, onto her back, her chest heaving with the aftermath of pleasure and pain. she was crying, silent tears that rolled down her cheeks and into the pillow. you reached out to wipe them away, but she flinched, her eyes snapping open to look at you.

“i don’t wanna go to hell,” she whispered, her voice thick with regret. “i don’t wanna burn.”

you swallowed hard, your own eyes burning with unshed tears. you knew it was a mistake for her, that she didn’t love you the way you loved her. but you couldn’t bring yourself to say it, to acknowledge the truth that was staring you in the face. so instead, you kissed her again, hoping that maybe, just maybe, you could change her mind, that maybe she would see what you saw, feel what you felt. but she didn’t. she pulled away, sitting up and reaching for her clothes. you watched her, your heart in your throat, as she dressed in the darkness, her movements jerky and frantic. she didn’t look at you as she left the room, leaving you alone with the dying embers of the fire and the cold, hard truth of what had just happened.

you curled up on the bed, pulling the covers around you, trying to hold in the sobs that threatened to escape. you told yourself it didn’t mean anything, that it was just a drunken mistake. but deep down, you knew it did. every touch, every kiss, every stroke of her hand over your skin had been a silent confession of love, a love that she was too afraid to admit, even to herself. you lay there in the darkness, the room spinning with a mix of emotions: passion, pain, and a love so strong it hurt. you felt empty without her, as if she had taken a piece of you with her when she left. the smell of her perfume lingered in the air, taunting you with memories of her touch. you wanted to call out to her, to tell her how much you loved her, but you knew it would only push her further away.

so you cried, letting the tears fall silently onto the pillow. you cried for the love you had lost, for the love you never had. you cried for the girl who was so lost in her own beliefs, her own fears, that she couldn’t see what was right in front of her. and you cried for yourself, for the girl who had given her heart away so easily, only to have it shattered in return.

you woke with tears in your eyes, but you didn’t notice them. what you did notice, as your consciousness gradually returned, was the empty space beside you. the sheets on joohyun’s side were cold, the pillow untouched, as if she had never been there at all. your heart sank at the sight, a hollow ache blooming in your chest. the events of the night before felt distant, like a dream that you desperately wanted to hold onto but was slipping through your fingers with each passing second.

you forced yourself to sit up, your body feeling heavier than usual, the weight of reality pressing down on you like a leaden blanket. you noticed a small piece of paper on her pillow, a note, its presence both alarming and foreboding. with trembling fingers, you picked it up, your breath catching in your throat as you unfolded it.

the words were simple, written in joohyun’s neat, delicate handwriting: “i’ve gone to church.”

the heartbreak hit you like a freight train, a pain so deep and all-encompassing that it threatened to drown you. your vision blurred, the tears you hadn’t realized were there spilling over and streaking down your cheeks. you wanted to scream, to cry out, to demand an explanation, but there was no one there to hear you. the silence in the room was deafening, the emptiness around you suffocating.

you moved through the motions of getting dressed as if on autopilot, your mind numb to everything but the ache in your chest. you pulled on your clothes with trembling hands, the fabric rough against your skin, a stark contrast to the warmth you had felt the night before. you caught a glimpse of yourself in the mirror as you brushed your teeth, the sight of your own tear-streaked face making your stomach churn. you looked like a ghost, a hollow shell of the person you had been, and you hated it.

you forced yourself to move to the kitchen, the routine of making coffee providing a small, temporary distraction from the storm raging inside you. the familiar scent filled the air, but it did nothing to calm your nerves, nothing to ease the pain that gnawed at your insides. you took a sip of the hot, bitter liquid, but it tasted like ash on your tongue. everything felt wrong, out of place, as if the world had shifted beneath your feet and you were left stumbling in the dark.

when you heard the door open, your heart skipped a beat, a rush of emotions flooding through you all at once. joohyun stepped inside, the soft click of the door shutting behind her echoing in the quiet house. for a moment, she just stood there, her eyes meeting yours from across the room. there was a flicker of something in her gaze, something that mirrored the turmoil in your own heart, but it was gone just as quickly as it appeared.

neither of you said a word. the silence stretched between you, heavy and suffocating, like a barrier you couldn’t break through. you wanted to ask her where she had been, what she was thinking, if she remembered what had happened between you the night before. but you didn’t. you couldn’t. the words were lodged in your throat, choked by the fear of what her answer might be.

days passed, and she grew colder, more distant with each one. she stopped looking at you the way she used to, stopped touching you, stopped asking for your touch. it was as if nothing had ever happened between you, as if the kisses, the whispered words, the warmth you had shared were nothing more than figments of your imagination. the only time she spoke was to break the silence with more random facts about religion, about god, as if she was trying to convince herself of something, as if she was trying to drown out whatever it was that haunted her.

the lighter she carried with her had become a constant companion, a small, seemingly insignificant object that had taken on a sinister presence in your lives. she flicked it on and off, the tiny flame dancing before her eyes as she stared at it with an intensity that frightened you. “joohyun, you can’t keep doing this,” you had pleaded one day, your voice trembling with the weight of your concern, your love, your desperation. “please, talk to me. tell me what’s going on.”

but she had pushed you away, her eyes cold, distant, a look of resignation on her face. “there’s nothing to talk about,” she had said, her voice flat, emotionless. “this is just the way things are now.”

“no, it’s not,” you had cried, your voice cracking with the intensity of your emotions. “we can fix this. we can—” but she had cut you off again, her tone final, unyielding. “there’s nothing to fix.”

and so the days passed, each one more painful than the last. you tried to hold on, tried to be there for her, tried to reach her, but every time you got close, she pushed you away. the more you loved her, the colder she became, until you were left with nothing but the empty shell of the person you once knew.

then, one day, you couldn’t take it anymore. the anger, the frustration, the heartbreak had built up to the point where it was suffocating, choking you, leaving you gasping for air. when she came back from church that day, you were waiting for her, your heart pounding in your chest, your emotions swirling inside you like a storm.

as she walked past you, her shoulder brushed against yours, a touch so brief and so cold that it felt like a slap in the face. you reached out, grabbing her hand, desperate to make her stop, to make her listen. “joohyun, please,” you begged, your voice trembling with the weight of your emotions.

but she pulled her hand back, her eyes flashing with anger, with something darker that you couldn’t quite name. “don’t touch me,” she snapped, her voice cold, cutting. you felt the words like a punch to the gut, the pain so sharp, so intense that it left you breathless. “where did it all go wrong?” you asked, your voice barely above a whisper. “how could you do this to me? to us?”

ahe shook her head, her eyes hard, unyielding. “i won’t give in,” she said, her voice steady, resolute. “i won’t taint my soul.”

the words were like a knife to your heart, the final, brutal blow that shattered whatever hope you had left. you should have prayed. prayed for her to come back to you, prayed for her to love you the way she used to, but you couldn’t. instead, you spoke the truth that had been burning inside you for so long. “you’re already tainted.”

the words hung in the air between you, heavy, damning, and for a moment, you saw something flicker in her eyes. hurt, anger, regret—you couldn’t tell. but then her expression hardened, and before you could react, she punched you in the face. the force of the blow sent you stumbling back, pain exploding across your cheek, but you didn’t hit her back. you couldn’t. Instead, you reached out, clinging to her, pulling her into a hug, desperate to hold onto the last piece of her that was still yours.

for a moment, just a brief, fleeting moment, she softened in your arms. you felt it, the warmth that had been missing for so long, the connection that you had been longing for. but it was gone just as quickly as it came, replaced by the cold, unyielding wall she had built around herself. she shoved you away, her eyes burning with a fury that terrified you, and she punched you again, harder this time, sending you crashing to the floor.

you wanted to fight back, wanted to hit her, scream at her, demand to know why she was doing this, but all you could do was reach for her again. when you saw it, the look in her eyes, the confirmation that she wasn’t herself anymore—that was when you gave in, when it was your fist’s turn to collide with her face. and it did, the force of it sending her flying backwards, but you couldn't bear the sight of her, your heart breaking with every breath you took. you pulled her into another hug, your arms wrapping around her like a lifeline, but she shoved you away with a force that left you breathless. she walked out of the house without another word, the door slamming behind her, leaving you lying on the floor, broken and bleeding, the weight of everything that had happened pressing down on you.

you walked aimlessly through the empty streets, the pain in your jaw a dull throb that seemed to echo with every step you took. the bruises were a physical manifestation of the heartbreak that had shattered you from the inside out. the day had bled into dusk, the sky a muted canvas of purples and blues, the fading light doing little to ease the darkness settling in your heart.

the world around you felt distant, as if you were drifting through a dream you couldn’t wake from. your mind was a jumbled mess of thoughts and emotions, each one more conflicting than the last. you wandered without purpose, each step heavy with a weariness that went beyond physical exhaustion. the weight of everything that had happened pressed down on you, leaving you feeling empty and hollow.

you barely noticed the bump against your shoulder, the sharp sting of it cutting through your daze. it was only when a group of girls appeared, their faces a blur of anger and disdain, that you began to register the reality of your situation. they grabbed you roughly, pulling you back into a narrow alleyway, their hands striking you with a force that felt almost detached from the pain you were already feeling.

you didn’t fight back. the instinct to defend yourself, to protect what little was left, had long since faded. you let the blows land, each one a reminder of your own helplessness, a cruel echo of the turmoil raging inside you. the cold brick wall pressed into your back, the texture of it rough and unyielding against your skin. blood dripped from your chin, mingling with the grime of the alleyway, but you simply let it fall.

they continued their assault, their voices a cacophony of angry shouts that blurred into the background noise of the city. You heard them, but their words felt distant, like they were coming from another world. the realization that you didn’t care anymore, that you were willing to let it all end, was almost a relief. the bruises and the blood were physical manifestations of a deeper, more profound pain—a pain that you had long since accepted as part of your existence.

eventually, the girls left, their anger spent, leaving you slumped against the wall, barely able to lift your head. the alleyway was silent again, save for the distant hum of traffic and the occasional murmur of voices from the street. you pushed yourself upright, the effort making your body ache even more, but you didn’t have the strength to stay on your feet. you wandered aimlessly until you reached the middle of the street, your movements slow and unsteady. the world around you was a blur, the streetlights casting long, eerie shadows that danced across the pavement. the light of an approaching car caught your eye, so vivid among the darkness that had engulfed you.

you turned your head, the light from the car seeming almost to beckon you, a final, fleeting hope that perhaps something might change. but before you could process the thought, you felt the impact, a sudden, jarring collision that sent you sprawling across the asphalt. the world went black, the pain and the cold merging into a numb void that swallowed you whole. in those final moments, as consciousness slipped away, you thought to yourself. the light of the car, so bright, so welcoming. had it not been for the car, for the collision, you would've aasumed it was god. you would've assumed that it was your turn to see the light, the one that led you to the right path. a glimmer of light, a brief flash of salvation that never truly materialized. you thought, perhaps, that it was god, or fate, or some form of cosmic justice finally reaching out to you. but if there was a higher power, if there was anyone watching over you, they had chosen not to intervene. you had been loved, you thought, but not enough to be saved.

joohyun paced through the house, the remnants of alcohol and broken memories scattered across the rooms like ghosts of a past she could no longer escape. she moved mechanically, her movements driven by a frantic need to impose order on a chaos that had seeped into her very being. the empty cups, the overturned bottles—she swept them away with a fervor that bordered on madness. maybe, she thought, if she cleaned up the mess around her, she could purge the turmoil inside her. the scent of your presence lingered in every corner, an indelible reminder of the love she had been too broken to embrace fully.

as she scrubbed the surfaces, the stench of stale alcohol mixed with the acrid tang of her own tears. the house, once a sanctuary of shared moments and quiet intimacy, now felt like a prison of her own making. the realization that you had left and had not come back struck her like a physical blow. the emptiness of the space was a constant reminder of her failure, a space filled with echoes of laughter and affection now gone silent.

in a fit of frustration, her emotions erupted violently. she slammed her hands onto the table, its sturdy surface buckling under the force of her anger. dishes clattered to the floor, their shards adding to the chaos that had taken over. she pulled at her hair, the disheveled strands a physical manifestation of the mess in her mind. ahe stumbled into your room, her breath coming in ragged gasps. the sight of the piano, the once-beautiful instrument that had been a source of solace and joy, filled her with a wave of guilt and rage. with a sob of anguish, she attacked the piano. her fists pounded against the keys, each strike producing a cacophony of dissonant notes that seemed to scream her sorrow. the sound of the keys breaking and the strings snapping was a mournful dirge, one that echoed her internal devastation.

eventually, the piano fell silent, its music stilled. joohyun collapsed onto the floor, her energy spent, her body trembling from the effort and the tears. she was surrounded by the debris of her actions, the fragments of the piano and the shattered remains of the table forming a grim tapestry around her. the realization that she had driven away the one person who had loved her enough to try to save her was a crushing weight on her chest.

her gaze fell upon the lighter, the object that had once been a symbol of her independence and now a grim reminder of her inability to cope. it was the same lighter you had given her, its initials faded but still recognizable. with a numb resignation, she found herself tearing the closet door open. she knew it held everything she needed, sooner or later. in this case, now.

it was the precise reason she took the red tank in her hands, unscrewing the cap and getting a whiff of the pungent stench. she didn’t hesitate as she poured the gasoline around the room, the liquid sloshing and hissing as it spread. the smell of it mingled with the lingering scent of the alcohol, creating a nauseating cocktail that filled the air.

she sat on your side of the bed, her eyes fixated on the lighter. for a moment, she held it in her hand, the metal cold and heavy. she felt as if she were waiting for a sign, for some miracle to pull her back from the edge, but none came. no one was coming to save her from the end she had chosen. she had ruined her life, and yours too. it was a final act of defiance against the pain that had consumed her.

with a shaky breath, she tossed the lighter into the pool of gasoline. the flames ignited almost immediately, a brilliant, consuming blaze that spread rapidly through the room. joohyun watched, her face illuminated by the fiery glow, the warmth of the flames a contrast to the cold despair that had enveloped her. as the fire grew, so did her sense of finality. the flames danced and roared, consuming everything in their path. she sat amidst the chaos, her eyes vacant as she let the fire spread. she had become the sinner she felt herself to be, and now she had a hell of her own making. the house, once a place of memories and love, was now a testament to her ultimate surrender.

even as the fire spread, she could still see you. as her skin began to grow warm, all it did was remind her of your touch. nothing could compare to it, not even when her life was on the line. she had tried to be good for so long, but everything had finally come to an end. she had dreamt of a heaven, just to live in a hell of her own. it made her sick, it made her stomach churn. maybe this was how her mother felt. alone, helpless. maybe she died without a care in the world. that was how joohyun wanted to go out, without any pressure. but even as she laid back onto the bed, her fingers caressing your side, there was nothing but pressure. it wasn't the pressure of the fire’s warmth, but of the bed’s coldness. your side was still cold, as if the fire had died down, but it didn’t. and it wouldn't.

she let the fire engulf her surroundings, the smoke curling around her like a shroud. she didn’t move, didn’t try to escape. she was beyond redemption, beyond saving. she had chosen her fate, and as the flames reached towards the ceiling, she finally accepted that no one could save her from herself.

✧.*

a/n: this is a work of fiction and i had not intended on, not in a single moment, offending anybody. with that being said, if anybody feels offended by any aspect, let me know and the story will be deleted

[alyrasturnz]

HOW DID IT END ?

❐ summary » you would be prevaricating if you claimed to know precisely how your relationship with chris ended, for it was not a single moment or event, but rather a gradual unraveling of the threads that once bound you together. each day brought a new fissure, a subtle shift, until the tapestry of your connection was left frayed and incomplete, serving as a poignant reminder of the impermanence of even the deepest bonds.

❐ pairings » bf!chris x fem!reader

❐ warnings » angst, no happy ending

❐ a/n && w/c » idk if its my writers block or if im just bad at writing😐 cause why is this so short 😭 • 1.85k

it has been an exorbitantly protracted period for you to be ensnared in ceaseless rumination over your erstwhile relationship in the manner you presently find yourself, continually revisiting the echoes of a past that no longer serves your present or your future, as if the sands of time have trapped you in a relentless loop of introspection and unresolved emotions.

your friends would invariably remind you of the passage of time, yet you would nonchalantly dismiss their inconsequential remarks.

your eyes fixated on the lockscreen, chris' visage eternally captured on it, as you anxiously awaited the digital chime heralding a message that might never appear.

perhaps you wouldn't be ensnared in this relentless cycle of introspection if chris had offered a substantive explanation for why he abandoned you so unceremoniously. yet, he chose silence, and in the recesses of your mind, you were acutely aware that such an explanation would never be forthcoming.

thus, you find yourself ensconced in a state of inertia, ensnared by the tendrils of uncertainty, awaiting with bated breath the unfolding of events shrouded in the mists of ambiguity.

but as the hours inexorably march onward and the cerulean expanse above gradually metamorphoses into a profound cobalt hue, so too does your reservoir of patience diminish, ebbing away like the waning light of day.

you hurl your phone across the room with a forceful motion, a guttural groan escaping your lips, reverberating through the silence like a thunderclap in the still of night.

you and chris were two disparate souls hailing from divergent realms, yet an intense and immediate connection magnetized you together, defying the chasm of your differences and intertwining your fates in an inexplicable bond.

Chris was a refined and delicate soul, flourishing in the meticulously curated confines of controlled environments, much like a hothouse flower, thriving only within the bounds of its cultivated sanctuary.

chris was a refined and delicate soul, flourishing in the meticulously curated confines of controlled environments, much like a hothouse flower, thriving only within the bounds of its cultivated sanctuary.

and despite the chasm of differences that lay between you, you both navigated the labyrinth of your hearts, discovering a love that was as profound as it was deserved. yet, in the end, chris departed, leaving behind not a whisper of his presence, as if he had been but a fleeting shadow in the tapestry of your life.

he had severed all digital ties, blocking you on every conceivable platform, and meticulously returned all your belongings to your doorstep, as if erasing any tangible evidence of your shared existence.

your love could've been perceived as a tempestuous whirlwind, burning bright and intense like a comet streaking across the night sky. however, the inherent differences between you created an insurmountable chasm, a gulf so vast that neither of you could ever hope to bridge it.

your relationship was marred by maladies of the heart and soul, afflictions so deeply rooted that neither of you could ever hope to find a cure.

and just a week before he left, an awkward closure began to loom over your interactions. the touch that once felt like a birthright to you became foreign, as the threads of your connection started to unravel and fray. 

conversations that once flowed effortlessly now felt stilted and strained, each word a reminder of the growing distance between you. the familiar warmth of his presence began to fade, replaced by an unsettling chill that signaled the inevitable end. it was as if the universe itself conspired to draw you apart, leaving you to grapple with the painful reality of a bond that could no longer be sustained.

maybe the weight of it all had become an unbearable burden, an unrelenting stress that gnawed at his very essence? maybe he found himself yearning for an escape, a desperate need to flee from the oppressive confines of a situation that had grown too overwhelming to endure.

you had conjured a myriad of rationalizations and justifications for his actions, each one more intricate than the last, yet the enigma of how it all unraveled remains an impenetrable mystery. despite your exhaustive efforts to piece together the fragments of your shared history, the conclusion eludes you, shrouded in an unfathomable haze.

you found yourself unable to decipher the enigma of his departure. yet, despite your earnest attempts to keep your inner turmoil concealed, the empathetic curiosity of those around you both descended like a relentless tide, seeking to uncover the depths of your unspoken struggles.

your friends' concern was but a mere facade, a thin veil for their true intentions—their insatiable curiosity. with their prying eyes, they bore witness to the gradual disintegration of your love. you and chris, blinded by unforeseen circumstances, endeavored to learn the right steps. yet, it became painfully evident that you were engaged in different dances, each step further entrenching you in the unsolved mystery that might never find resolution.

you endeavored with all your might to mend the rifts, yet you fell prey to the penetrating glances of the interlopers, their scrutiny weaving a web of doubt and discord around your efforts.

as the fabric of your relationship frayed, your friends indulged in gossip and speculation. you and chris were perceived as wandering in endless circles, ensnared in a labyrinth of disconnection and bewilderment.

the news of your separation spread like wildfire, igniting whispers and conjectures in every corner.

the empathetic hunger descends once more, and their friends gather, still asking the same question: "how did it end?" despite the passage of time and the myriad retellings of their story, the answer remains elusive, a mystery that lingers like a haunting melody.

they would implore you incessantly, yet you would evade their probing, for the reasoning behind his departure remained an enigma even to you, cloaked in the mists of uncertainty and unanswered questions.

following your agonizing separation, you and chris embarked on individual odysseys of self-discovery. chris, at first, sought refuge within the sanctuary of familiar environs, gradually venturing into the uncharted territories of the real world beyond his comfort zone. 

each step taken beyond the confines of his greenhouse existence became a stride toward comprehending the untamed wilderness of your love.

meanwhile, you were tormented by the specters of your shared moments, seeking solace in the depths of introspection. it was within this reflective sanctuary that you came to fathom the profound depths of your love for chris.

fate, the unseen weaver of destinies, orchestrated your reunion in a serendipitous encounter at a place steeped in mutual significance—a secluded garden where nature and nurture intertwine. the air was laden with unspoken words and lingering emotions, creating an atmosphere dense with the weight of unresolved sentiments.

your eyes meet, and in that fleeting moment, the chasm of time and space between you dissolves into insignificance.

the garden, once a sanctuary of shared secrets and laughter, now feels like the stage for a bitter confrontation, where every leaf and petal bears witness to the tension that hangs heavily in the air.

you sit behind an ancient tree, its gnarled branches whispering tales of bygone eras, each rustle of leaves echoing the wisdom of ages past.

chris speaks first, his voice trembling yet resolute, as if each word carries the weight of his internal struggle. “i didn’t know what else to do.”

your heart pounds with a ferocity that mirrors the tempest within, anger and hurt bubbling to the surface like a long-dormant volcano. "you just left, chris. without a word, without a trace. do you have any idea what that did to me?" your voice, laden with raw emotion, rises and reverberates through the once-quiet garden, shattering the tranquil facade.

chris flinches, their shoulders slumping as if the weight of the world has suddenly descended upon them. "i was scared, y/n. scared of what we were becoming, scared of losing myself. i thought leaving would make things easier." his voice wavers, a fragile thread of vulnerability woven into the fabric of their confession.

"easier?" your voice cracks, the words barely escaping as tears well up in your eyes. "for you, maybe. you left me in the dark, questioning everything, wondering if i was the reason you disappeared." the anguish in your voice betrays the depth of your torment, each word a dagger of unresolved pain.

chris finally looks up, his eyes brimming with regret. "it wasn't you. it was never you. it was me. i felt like i was suffocating, and i didn't know how to handle it." his voice trembles, a poignant admission of inner turmoil and fear.

you take a step closer, your fists clenched tightly. "you could have talked to me, chris. we could have faced it together. but you chose to run." your voice, a mixture of frustration and sorrow, underscores the chasm that has formed between you.

chris's eyes drop to the ground, guilt etched across his face like an indelible mark. "i know. i was a coward. i thought i was protecting you, but i see now that i only caused more pain." his voice is laden with remorse, each word a testament to his misguided intentions and the unintended consequences of their actions.

the silence between you is heavy, each unspoken word a dagger to the heart. you take a deep breath, striving to steady your voice. "do you have any idea how many nights i spent waiting for a sign, a message, anything to tell me you were okay? i deserved better than that, chris." your voice quivers with a mixture of anguish and righteous indignation, the weight of the unspoken words pressing down upon you both.

chris nods slowly, tears brimming in his eyes. "you're right. you deserved so much more. i was selfish, and i hurt you in ways i can't take back. but i'm here now, and i want to make things right, if you'll let me." his voice is laden with a mixture of remorse and hope, each word a tentative step towards redemption.

your resolve wavers, the anger giving way to a deep, aching sadness. "i don't know if i can trust you again, chris. you broke something in me when you left." your voice trembles, each word a reflection of the profound hurt and betrayal that lingers in your heart.

chris steps forward, their voice trembling like a fragile leaf in the wind. "i understand. but i'm willing to spend every day proving to you that i'm sorry, that i can be better. just give me a chance." his plea is a delicate thread of hope, woven with the earnestness of someone desperate to mend the fractures they have caused.

in the tranquil embrace of the garden, you stand facing each other, the wounds of the past still raw and unhealed, yet the faint glimmer of reconciliation within reach. the path to forgiveness is fraught with uncertainty, obscured by the shadows of doubt and fear, but in that moment, you both recognize that the initial step lies in acknowledging the pain and seeking a way to move forward, together, through the labyrinth of your shared history.

[anon-e-miss]

A Stranger's Bounty - 2

The teleconference between all the enforcer Praefectus’ of Praxus played from the holo-emitter in the centre of his desk, but Prowl was not at his seat. He was splayed on the floor, stripped all but bare of his armour as the stranger drilled his spike into his aching valve, pulling Prowl back by his doorwings as he sheathed himself with an echoing clang over and over again. Prowl’s helm bobbed as his frame shook with each punishing, agonizing blow. Ozone filled the air and his office stank of interface. How long the stranger had been here, fragging him, Prowl did not know. Really, Prowl did not know much. Overloads, countless overloads, had wiped his processing power. Strong servos squeezed his bared aft segments as the stranger’s spike bore down on Prowl’s furled afthole. The whirl of the camera drones as the stranger wrecked his aft while the Praefectus of Helix City went on about budgets.

Prowl drooled as his aft was fragged. There was no question it hurt. No one had so much as stuck a digit in his aft and now a fist thick spike was hollowing it out. But with hurt was raw pleasure as the stranger stimulated his transfluid duct. Back and forth the stranger buffeted him against the floor where his oozing spike smeared transfluids all over the place. The stranger filled his aft with hot transfluids long after Prowl’s reservoirs had been spent and his limp spike stopped even twitching as he overloaded. Still, the stranger was not done with him. He rolled Prowl onto his back and pushed the Praxian enforcer’s limp spike back into its casing, taking the time to frag his sheath with three digits Prowl’s spark flared as his mechhood was violated and his valve clenched on nothing as lubricants and transfluids oozes from his swollen, drooping folds.

“Gah,” Prowl groaned as the stranger sank his spike back into his well-worn valve. “Bah.”

His belly bulged with the transfluids the stranger had already deposited. They churned in Prowl’s gestational tank as the stranger rolled his hips, fragging Prowl’s tank with his thick spike. Prowl’s optics sparked unseeing. The stranger never turned him until Prowl’s processor was fried from overloads. He never gave Prowl the chance to make even the vaguest impression of him. He squeezed Prowl’s heavy wells, now marked with shiny stretch marks as they had grown since Prowl had kindled. His belly was marked with them too. They practically glowed as his sentio-metallico was stretched taunt over his cum-belly. The camera drone made sure to focus on this as the stranger played with his nozzles.

He swallowed the stranger’s spike as he fragged his face. His optics flickered and glitched as his mouth stretched wide. Prowl teared as his face was pressed against the strangers belly as he choked on his spike. The enforcer moaned around the stranger’s spike as he guided him to play with his wrecked aft. Prowl did as he was glyphlessly instructed, fragging his aft with his servo as he sucked the stranger’s jaw-dropping spike. Soon, his fuel tank was full, almost to the point of aching with the stranger’s transfluids. Prowl lay spent on the floor, digits still buried in his own aft as the stranger’s transfluids stained his face and wells. It was late in the dark-cycle before Prowl came back to his senses. Groaning he pulled his digits from his aft and he struggled to sit up.

It was important in the early stages of carrying for the ensparked to receive contributions. Prowl had not thought to mention the need in his bounty but it seemed the stranger did not require such instructions. This was good, because Prowl did not know how else he would have sought them out. His aft ached from the hard frag and even as the enforcer wondered why the stranger had felt the neat to frag his aft Prowl spotted the datapad, the screen lit and a book on kindling was open. Prowl read the highlighted line. Excessive spike stimulation could cause newsparks to gutter. If it was a problem, it was best to render the spike inert. One of the methods mentioned was training the reservoirs of the gravid mechanism. The stranger had certainly accomplished that much. Prowl cleaned himself with clothes before retrieving his armour. It hardly closed over his cum-belly. It would not be long before the enforcers under him noticed his condition but until he was confronted, Prowl intended to carry on as if nothing had changed. He thought it might be stellar-cycles before anyone dared speak up.

By the time he was ordered to undergo a medical exam from the powers that be, Prowl was three quarters of the way through his carrying. It had taken a very long time for any of his subordinates to notice. None had addressed him, someone had reported it to the Lord of Law himself, which suited Prowl fine. He played naive and ignorant as he was meant to be as he was directed to lay down on a medberth and submit to the examine. His processor wander as the medical drone whirled about as Prowl lost focus. Smack. Smack. Prowl moaned as the familiar, thick spike plundered his core. He tossed his helm in delirious ecstasy. Though he pulled with his arms and jerked his legs, Prowl was well secured in the stirrups. The medical drones were replaced by the camera drones as the stranger fragged him while the medical staff were for whatever reason out of the room.

“He must be cursed,” a medic said when they appeared and saw his state.

“I don’t understand how this could happen,” the other said. “No one’s come in or out of the room!”

They locked him in a temple as they tried to decided what to do with a gravid enforcer. Priests were meant to check on him every joor to see that the stranger did not come for Prowl again. But he did, he came every orn and he stayed for joors. His belly was so swollen, as triplets grew in his forge, that Prowl mostly stayed naked, something that perturbed the priests as well. His wells were huge, with energon enough already stored to fuel the three newsparks when they emerged. Even though he did not know what would happen after he gave emergence, Prowl had made plans enough to ensure he could adapt. He knew how to escape the temple if they thought to take the bitlets when they emerged. He knew how to escape Petrex. Though he should have been more troubled, Prowl was rather unbothered.

Sweet music played and Prowl dozed off. Face down on a soft berth, Prowl cradled his swollen belly as the stranger’s spike plunged deep into his willing frame. Soft berth. That was strange. The temple berth was not soft, nor was the berth he kept at home. It was bliss. Blearily, Prowl realized he was more aware than he had ever been. He leaned back, moaning loudly as the strangers squeezed his aching wells as he held Prowl speared on his spike in his lap. Though Prowl recognized the face in the mirror he was facing, he was so lost in pleasure he did not react, not right away. The stranger fragged Prowl until he was strutless and processor fried. It was only then that he left him and when he returned, he did it again.

The wanted poster glowed on the screen of the datapad on Prowl’s desk as the stranger took his seals and made the first attempt to breed him. That same poster and same datapad glowed as Prowl was bred, bent over his desk. Every time the stranger came to frag him, that datapad, that wanted poster glowed even though Prowl had not been working on that case. They had been hints, left by the stranger but even though the stranger had left him videos of every obscene encounter, Prowl had not noticed it. Jazz of Petrex, wanted for grand larceny, alone with his twin Ricochet for the theft of a decommissioned enforcer from ambassador Crosscut’s service. The enforcer had been one from Prowl’s same batch, Barricade.

The hallway was dark and quiet. Prowl waddled down the hall, less seeking a means of escape and more seeking to know where he was. He was tired, but of course he was tired. It would be a stellar-cycle at most before he entered emergence. Few, according to the medics who had spoken about him though not to him, had noted how rare it was for triplets to reach full terms, but Prowl had done just that with this carrying. Really, he could enter emergence at any point and his bitlets would be fine. Light glowed from a doorwing and Prowl crept forward as he heard the familiar sound of debauchery. It was not the stranger with the black servos, Jazz of Petrex but his twin Ricochet whose white servos squeezed his lover’s black aft as he ravaged the decommissioned enforcer. Barricade dug his digits into the Polyhexian thief’s shoulders as he wailed for his lover to frag him harder.

“He didn’t wanna be Crosscut’s playthin’,” Prowl knew the voice, he had heard it hundreds of times but had never remembered it. “He preferred playin’ wit Ricochet.”

“Oh,” Prowl said, flushing.

“I think ya’d like to play, wouldn’t ya?” Jazz asked. “Ya can hardly walk but y’re achin’ for a frag.”

“Yes,” Prowl moaned. His valve oozed lubricant and the pink fluid stained his naked thighs. Unthinking, he stumbled back into the closed room and fell backwards onto a berth. Prowl’s legs fell open and he shivered in desperation.

“Ahhhh!” Prowl wailed as the thief stood between his splayed thighs and buried his spike in his throbbing, desperate centre.

Jazz threw his legs over his shoulders and leaned over Prowl, squeezing his swollen well as he spiked him deep. It was perfect. It was agony. Prowl overloaded after only three strokes of the Polyhexian’s valve but Jazz did not stop. He fragged Prowl through his overload and into the next. He rubbed Prowl’s throbbing anterior node as he spiked him and it had Prowl wailing in agonizing bliss. They were no longer in the temple, Prowl knew this but at the moment, he did not care. The temple was boring in a way even the dullest of enforcer paperwork had even never managed. This was good. This was better. He wanted more of it and he cried for it.

“Frag ya love gettin’ fragged, don’t ya?” Jazz asked. Prowl wailed his agreement. “Do ya love bein’ heavy?”

“Yes!” Prowl screamed. He did love it. He loved the feeling of the triplets moving in his forge. He loved the changes to his frame. “I love it.”

“Stick around ‘n I’ll keep ya bare ped ‘n gravid ‘til ya want a break,” Jazz promised him.

“Yesss!” Prowl screamed as he overloaded. Whether it was the pleasure he was screaming for or the promise, Prowl did not know, but he did stick a round.

“Sideswipe, put that down,” Prowl ordered.

He could not chase after his precocious sparkling. His belly was huge, as he carried quads this time. The twins he had carried between this carrying and Sideswipe’s toddled among the toys. They would wean soon but not yet. He held his adoptive creation to his well as the large bitlet nursed greedily. Jazz had stolen the experiment from a madmech and Springer was now their mechling as much as Sideswipe, Sunstreaker, Deep Cover and Clampdown were. Strongarm was their only femme so far and the only one of their creations to take after Prowl in frametype. Their progenitor returned from his latest bit of work as Prowl finished tucking in Springer. Jazz held Prowl’s leg up as he spooned him from behind and sank his spike into Prowl’s quivering frame. He moaned into the pillow, trying not to wake their creations.

“Want a break after this litter?” Jazz asked him.

“Nooooooo.”

[completeoveranalysis]

[4]

I just have to say I LOVE the Instant Synchronised Murder Faces that Fai and Kurogane are whipping out any time anything even slightly unusual happens. It’s EXTREMELY warranted for where they are, and also just slightly hilarious whenever it’s like… a door opening. 

BUT INSTANT SYNCHRONISED MURDER FACES I SHALL HAVE!

I suppose you could say the giant doors they had to open in Koryo were the tiniest bit foreshadowing this moment. Oh it’s even the same battle party too! Sakura didn’t come with them that time either, so it was just the four of them storming a giant forbidding castle controlled by an evil wizard who was watching them magically from a distance.

If there is acid anywhere inside the ruinsI’m allowed to start yelling. 

Oh! Also! In Koryo the inside corridor of the castle had a repeating hallway - kind of like a time loop, but a far simpler one. And when they visited the Memory version of the Clow Ruins in Recourt the hallways also randomly changed in size and shape, as if time and space were unstable - which is far more relevant now than it ever was before.

I can't believe they've done this.

[haikyuu-moments]

watching shoyo and kageyama struggle is like seeing a piece of your heart crumble. seeing them lost and dejected is almost unbearable. when takeda sensei's words echoed in their minds, "if you stay down your knees, that really means you aren't good enough."

it was as if takeda sensei's words had unlocked a hidden reservoir of strength within them. seeing them rise again, their spirits reignited, was like witnessing a phoenix rising from the ashes.

and just like that, their bickering started. it's almost comforting in a way.

[faydingrain]

In an effort to end the battle between churches, the two groups arranged to wed their Archpriest and Archpriestess. Now, it was the evening of their celebration, which left the unwilling partners alone together. Caught in the throes of a hollow future, Seishirou sits alone until his now-wife approaches him. But how can Taiga cheer him up when neither are happy and both powerless to change their fates? A surrender to a wicked demon ensues.

I originally only intended to write this for the second prompt, but the first one ended up in there too.

This one is ended up darker than I initially thought it would be, so I'm not gonna tag OC/Canon week for this one, lol. It is in the series collection on ao3 though.

[sapphicrow]

RE8 Lords (+dimi sisters) Opinion on crocs!

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Mother Miranda

The bird mommy herself. A true lady. Gothic aesthetic and all.

I think she would be an avid croc hater

I mean, she works in a lab, closed toe shoes. They’re not very practical for experimentation or any thing else

Plus her other outfit is goddess apparel or old hag.

I just can’t see her enjoying them whatsoever. They clash with her whole vibe.

If offered, Miri would most surely wrinkle her nose and scoff at the very notion.

“Ugh. Begone, mortal. The day you goad me into those atrocities of footwear is the day I surrender my subconscious to the megamycete,” Mother Miranda waves you off with a flick of a taloned hand.

Mia left a pair in the lab once and she tried them on. They remind her.

Salvatore Moreau

Fish man!

Moreau would be a huge fan.

Seriously, he lives in constant sogginess. A pair of shoes that can fit his deformed and damp feet would be welcome.

He pads around the reservoir in crocs all the fricking time

Over time, the sound of the rubber squelch becomes associated with his approach.

He would be gifted his first pair, but soon amass a bit of a collection- his favorites are the blue pair and the black one, but he’s also got green.

(In the church) *squish squish squish squosh squish* “hi, mother!” Moreau garbles. “Like ‘em?” He asks, gesturing to the tye dye crocs currently adorning the lower half of his slimy body.

He doesn’t wear them in public after Mother Miranda glared at them though

Heisenberg

Metal bending dilf

My guy isn’t the biggest fan of crocs, they just don’t work for him

The factory is difficult enough to manage in steel toed boots. Rubber slippers are not ideal.

I think he wears them solely to meetings to piss off Mirander (it works every time)

He was approached by his nieces with a pair of solid black crocs, and they were too insistent for him to deny them entirely.

Heisenberg thinks they’re fine, simply not his cup of tea though.

“Fuck!” The lord curses, his voice echoing against the metal walls of the factory for the fiftieth time. “Damn pieces of junk.” Heisenberg mutters after dropping a piece of scrap onto his croc bearing toes once more.

Alcina Dimitrescu

No.

Just no.

Absolutely not.

Lady Dimitrescu , the countess, the favorite of Mother Miranda, mother of three, would not be caught dead in such apparel.

It’s less that she has an issue with their design, and much more that she’s disgusted with the thought of looking so undignified.

She wouldn’t be threatening anyone when she whips her crocs into sports mode before unsheathing her mighty claws.

Alcina doesn’t mind them on others, but not her. She’s a noble lady and far above such peasantry.

Also they don’t make them in her shoe size.

“What…” she drawls, looking scornfully down at the maiden presenting her with such blatantly hideous shoes, “are those?”

Donna Beneviento

The dollmaker and illusionist ~

Donna is chill, I’d imagine she wouldn’t have too strong an opinion on crocs

She owns a pair in black and likes to wear them around her workshop

They’re quite comfy, and since she’s not always on her feet, they serve as very nice house slippers

She likes to pair them with fluffy socks to really get the full coziness effect

Besides, her skirt is long enough where they’re not really noticeable

A quiet melody sways within the air of Lady Beneviento’s workspace. Humming to herself as she worked and Angie looked over her shoulder. Dexterous hands wield pliers to work the last bit of wire into the joints of her newest creation. And as a finishing touch, a mini croc is slid onto this doll. A small smile quirks her lips beneath the veil.

“I want some!” Angie shrieks once she sets eyes on the crocs.

Bela Dimitrescu

The eldest of the flies, and the blondest

Bela follows in her mother’s footsteps on this one, she despises crocs.

She simply doesn’t see the appeal.

They’re rubber, they’re not particularly fashionable, and they clash with the lace of her dress.

Eyeing her sister up and down, Bela just scoffs judgmentally before walking away.

Daniela Dimitrescu

Our delulu queen <3

She is the biggest crocs person ever.

She absolutely loves them, much to her sister and Mother’s dismay.

Dani just thinks they’re the coolest thing ever

You don’t have to lace them, there’s different modes, and you can decorate them??? What more could you ask for!

She had a whole wardrobe. I think she had every color. Depending on the occasion, she mixes and matches.

Dani is also big on jibbitz.

“Look!” The ginger squeals excitedly as she swarms into a maid’s face. “It’s a fly!” Dani says with a delirious giggle, shoving the new charm into the frightened woman’s vision.

Cassandra Dimitrescu

The ravenette of the trio

Cassie likes crocs a normal amount

She doesn’t own her own pair of course, the only reason she ever wears them is to snatch them from Dani and make her mad

She also delights in how Bela and her mom glare down at her whenever she wears them

All in all, Cass doesn’t wear them as a fashion choice, she wears them for the drama

“Hehehe, you’re coming with me,” Cassandra whispers to herself as she steals Daniela’s prized flamingo print crocs from her room.