#eating this up as if it was my last meal and i havent been eating for weeks

[princessmyriad]

.

[silentmoths]

At your beck and call

Its moth, crawling out of the covid cave to drop this and then going back to bed.

wont lie this idea has been on my mind for the better part of a week, but between work and then being smashed by the ol' rona I havent had the energy, plain and simple. but I'm starting to get that back.

sorry if it seems a little rushed, brain wanted it OUT.

Butler! Zhongli x CEO (Afab) Reader.

Nsfw, does this count as office AU? i think it does?, humiliation kink if you squint?, aftercare because even when he's mean zhongli is an aftercare king.

You had never entertained the thought of hiring a live-in personal butler until one of your friends had mentioned it. She’d gone on and on about how her much time having one had saved, and how it gave her the peace of mind to relax every once in a while, a luxury you can't remember the last time you afforded as the ceo of a major company, sure you had secretaries, but they only worked within the firm, and your life?

God you needed a secretary for life.

Even then. It took you a few more months to finally cave and look into it. The agency you find has raving reviews; there’s an interview process, which takes another few weeks for you to finally sit down and do. They ask you many questions about your lifestyle, and what you need out of their service, and then it’s left in their hands.

And so, a week later, you receive a knock at your door.

Tall, sharp features, immaculately dressed.

But his eyes.

Holy shit his eyes.

Molten gold, almost shimmering in the morning light as your new butler bows to you.  One gloved hand over his heart.

“Good morning Miss. My name is Zhongli.The agency has analysed your lifestyle and have thus extended your contract to me.” He explains.

Well damn, in the looks department alone you’d be leaving them a five-star review.

—

Your first proper morning with Zhongli working for you was…hectic.

Your morning alarm didn’t go off, thankfully your body-clock was pretty on point, but still, you’d slept in ten whole minutes, throwing off your schedule.

You barely even noticed that your clothes had already been laid out in the bathroom as you whirlwind through your bedroom to get ready, simply picking up the neatly folded pile as you went.

You resign yourself to a breakfast smoothie as you flurry into the kitchen, you simply didnt have any time to cook, and you’d have to clean the blender when you got home-

“Ah, good morning Miss. I trust you slept well?” Zhongli asks as he places down a plate of bacon and eggs at your usual spot in the breakfast nook. You stop, blinking at him with wide eyes.

“W-whats that?” you ask him, brain still not quite with it yet.

“Breakfast?” He counters with a tilt of his head. “Simply one of my duties.”

Right…

Right you had a secretary for your life now…

And fuck, he could cook.

You don't remember the last time you’d sat down, in your own house, eating a hot, home cooked meal for breakfast…usually it was toast, or if you didn’t have time to sit, the aforementioned smoothie that you really hated, but it was better than nothing, because when else would you have time to eat during the day?

But no, breakfast had been made for you, served with coffee and even the morning newspaper. Zhongli looks…immaculate as always, smile on his face as he cleans up and announces he will be awaiting you in the car.

That first day…no, the first week was such a learning curve… between him driving you everywhere, keeping you blessedly on time for your meetings, he also seemed to know exactly what you needed, sometimes before even you knew.

He sometimes appears with a small plate of cookies, and a mug of hot coffee, made just the way you like it,  just as your mood was beginning to wane, and immediately you feel better. 

As the weeks stretch on and deadlines draw closer, you find that he’s also an amazing sounding board, and your nights become a little less weary with someone else there to fill the silence, even as he silently goes about tidying your home, he’s never too far away.

—

Something around the latter half of the year just really made all your client’s extra demanding. 

Your staff were overworked.

You were overworked.

You find yourself staying up later and later into the night, going over plans and documents, trying to sort all of this…this mess into something cohesive for both yourself and your poor staff.

You rub at your temples with a ragged sigh. What time was it now? You don't think you want to know… 

A soft clink beside you draws your attention to a fresh cup of tea and you startle.

“Oh, Zhongli…I-I thought you’d be asleep by now..” you murmur softly, leaning back in your chair. Your butler simply smiles at you, even now at god-knows-what time passed midnight, he was still dressed in his usual work suit. “You should be too, Miss.” he tells you softly, but not condescendingly, like a worried friend.

“I cant yet.” you sigh, motioning to the armageddon of papers strewn across your desk “I need to get this sorted before the next review meeting but…augh I dunno…I just…I cant concentrate.”

“That would be because you are stressed, and tired.” Zhongli points out, chuckling softly at your side eye before he shifts, walking around your desk to come to a stop behind your chair. “Here… perhaps this will help…” he murmurs more to himself than to you, and suddenly his hands are on your shoulders, lithe, careful fingers pressing into your trapezius muscles. You grunt and wince a little, having been totally unaware of how tense your shoulders had been until now.

“Shh, just take a deep breath and relax.” Zhongli’s deep voice rumbles behind you as he slowly massages at the tension, his hands are gentle, but expert, and it takes you longer than it should to realise that he's not wearing his gloves for this. “Now…tell me what the matter is…”

With another set of eyes, and a clear explanation of what you need, by the time he’s worked all the tension from your shoulders, you’ve finally got a clear plan, and immediately set to work sorting and organising the moment his warm, surprisingly soft hands finally leave your shoulders.

Once all is said and done, you turn to your butler.

“Thank you, Zhongli…I…don't think I could have done that without you here.”

You’re met with a dashingly handsome, genuine smile, and a graceful bow of his head.

“It was my pleasure, Miss. I am here to aid your every whim.” 

—

Meeting after meeting after meeting.

If you had to speak to one more person demanding things of you and your company today, you were going to scream. The sight of your black sedan, waiting dutifully for you outside the sliding glass doors at the end of the day was almost enough to make you cry as you all but collapse into the back seats with a groan.

“How were the investors today, Maam?” Zhongli asks, a twinkle of amusement in his eyes as he watches you in the rear-view.

“They could invest in some chill.” you mutter, taking a few moments before forcing yourself to sit up, knowing full well Zhongli wouldn’t move this car an inch until you had your seatbelt on.

“I hazard to say you could also do with, as you say, some chill.” He adds as he easily merges into the busy afternoon traffic. “You’re working yourself to the bone.”

“It’s just another month.” you sigh “investors always get antsy this time of year…”

“You said that last month too, you know.”

“Did I?” you groan, pinching the bridge of your nose “Hey…when we get home…could I have another one of those massages?”

You loathe to admit how…reliant you had become on Zhongli’s ability to get the tension out of your shoulders, ever since that first night when he’d helped sort out your work with you, you’d been asking every other day or so for one, it was just so nice to relax into his care while you vented the day’s frustrations away, or soundboarded with him.

“Oh I think I can manage that.”

“Where would I be without you…?” you mumble softly as you let your eyes shut for a moment, just a moment to rest your aching eyes.

As it stands, that moment ends when Zhongli’s gentle hand on your arm rouses you. “Wh-wassgoinon?” you mumble, looking around.

“We’re home, Miss….you looked like you needed the rest so I didn’t rouse you.” Zhongli murmurs softly, reaching past you to fetch your bag.

He smells of tea, and spices…warm…comforting. 

—

You groan softly as his fingers press insistently into your shoulders.

“You’re extra tense today…” Zhongli murmurs softly, leaning over to look you in the face “are you alright?”

“I-I…yeah…just…stressed I think.” you sigh, leaning your head to the side so he can get better access to your neck. You’d never admit it, but you were pretty sure at this point you were just craving his touch, you just…didn't have the time for skinship these days, how you’d managed to survive before hiring him? You had no idea.

Behind you, Zhongli hums.

“May I try…something different?” He asks quietly, rather unlike him, usually when he did something, he did it with confidence that you would be alright with it, and so far he’d never been wrong…why ask now? “I think your stress runs deeper than a simple shoulder massage can handle.” he adds when you look over your shoulder at him. 

“I mean…I trust your judgement Zhongli…whatever you think I need…” you mumble.

You expect a change in his technique, maybe working a little further down your spine perhaps?.

Not to suddenly be thrown forward, chest pressed against the dark mahogany of your desk by a single,strong hand against your spine to keep you there as you gasp in shock. 

“Z-Zhongli!?” you gasp, looking over your shoulder at your calm, gentle butler. 

Only to find a sharp, seductive smirk plastered to his lips. His golden eyes are dark, predatory, you should be afraid.

Keyword: Should.

You watch, dumbstruck as he licks his lips, ripping your jeans straight off your legs like they were nothing, his ungloved hand grazing up the back of your thigh, and that touch alone has your eyes rolling back and a half-bitten moan falling from your lips. Gods how long had it been?

“Hmm, needy little thing, aren’t we? Thrown against your desk by your own butler and you don't even have the decency to be afraid?” Zhongli chuckles darkly as he shoves two fingers into you; the mix of pleasure and pain is enough to have your spine arching “Looks like I was right…you do need more than a little massage hm?”

“G-god…please…” you whine, the humiliation of the situation only making you hotter as he roughly thrusts his fingers, occasionally scissoring them to stretch you open, his other hand shifting from your spine to wrap around the base of your neck, holding you still as he works you open. 

This new, rougher side to him…you didn’t know you wanted it...but god damn he was driving a hard bargain, plus it’s not like this wasn't something you may have thought about on a rare occasion or three… you’d just expected it to be…slower, gentler, but this? You could work with this. 

“Please…? Please what?” he purrs, leaning over to nip at your ear “what do you want from me? I am at your every beck and call.” His words are low, dangerous, but genuine, and you shudder.

“You-!” you choke “please g-god, Z-Zhongli I want you to fuck me-”

One moment there’s fingers, the next moment nothing, and you want to cry, the petulant whine only being held back by the sound of a belt buckle.

“Well, I suppose it’s a good thing I’m at your service.” 

And then he roughly bucks his hips and good gods. 

Considering he wore such fitted trousers, where the hell had he been keeping that??

That mix of pleasure-pain is back, but more intense this time; you definitely had not been wet enough, and yet? You wouldn't have wanted it any other way, the pain added it’s own flavour to your desire as Zhongli pins you against your desk, breathing ragged into your ear as he wastes no time, setting a brutal pace from the start that has papers and stationary clattering off your desk. 

“So tight” he hisses “how long has it been since you’ve had a good fucking?” 

Something about Zhongli swearing like that feels so wrong, but oh, so right in the moment.

For a moment, paperwork and meetings are the furthest thing from your mind as Zhongli shoves you even further onto your desk, free hand hiking your hips up so he can slam into you all the harder, the only sounds emanating within your study are the wet slapping of skin, and your cries of ecstasy. 

He’s not gentle, and deep, deep down, you’re glad for it.

You needed this, spending every damn day for the last five years telling everyone else what to do? You needed this…loss of control.

Much like everything else in the last six months, Zhongli knew exactly what you needed, when you needed it, and before you even realised you needed it. 

“Whats the matter? Nothing to say?” He grunts into your ear as he grinds himself so deep into you, you’re seeing stars. “You’re always so talkative…”

You can only moan pathetically in response, eyelids fluttering as he fucks you down into the table, his words are harsh, and humiliating, but all they do is draw your orgasm closer, barely even registering what he’s saying.

Your orgasm hits you like a freight train, one moment you’re seeing stars as your butler bullies his massive cock into you, the next minute your world turns white.

—

“Shh, try not to move…I wasn’t gentle with you.” Zhongli’s tone is back to being kind and gentle after…how many orgasms did he just force you through? You’d lost count…all you know was that it had still been light out when he’d first shoved you down…now as he passes by a window with you cradled gently in his arms, it was pitch black outside.

Gentle lips press to your temple as he perches on the edge of the bathtub, holding you on his lap with one arm while he reaches over to get the water started. Wetting a washcloth to clean away a good portion of the mess beforehand.

Your body aches, but in the best possible way. You feel…breathless and comfortable, fuzzy. 

You wince as he lowers you into the hot water, your muscles tensing at the sudden heat before relaxing again. Zhongli watches you with a soft look. Even coming off the back end of some amazing sex, he still somehow managed to look stupidly put together, if not even more alluring with his lack of suit jacket; it had been abandoned sometime during round… three you think? One moment it was on, the next moment, you’re being pressed onto your back, the jacket is gone, and he’s rolled the sleeves of his dress shirt up to his elbows and you’re at his mercy.

The lip of a water bottle presses to your lips, his other hand gently supporting the back of your head as you drink.

“How do you feel?” he asks once you’ve drunk your fill for now, like that switch that had turned him from the kind and courteous butler you had known to….whatever that zhongli was, had never flipped at all.

Despite this, you smile at him.

“I feel like…I need to ask you to do that again more often, Zhongli.” 

To his credit, your ever-so-handsome butler laughs. It’s a warm, hearty sound, one that fills you with no small amount of joy.

“I am here to serve your every beck and call, I’m sure I can work this into the schedule.”

Taglist: @stygianoir @meimeimeirin @ainescribe @dustofthedailylife @rjssierjrie @crystalflygeo @angel-of-requiem @asoulsreverie @zomzomb1e Want to be added to the list? shoot me an ask~

[elis-blawg222]

November 18 - Monday

Hallooo everyonee!

Today I was struggling to stay awake and get ready for class, I was soooo tired. But I made it on time surprisingly so that's good! My classes went fine tbhhh, and nothing too interesting happened.

When I was taking my friend home from our classes like usual, she asked me if we could get McDonald's and honestly I was just looking for some excuse for what meal I had for the day, so I was like yeah sure. I got a diet coke (she paid actually lol), and then I went home after dropping her off.

I didn't know my step mom was gonna be off work today, but I brought in my empty cup and threw it away inside so at least there's proof I went to mcdonalds. I even told her I went with my friend and 'what I got.' Then I even took 2 pieces of her blueberry lemon loaf when I was going to school and I said "I'll tell you how good it is later." I ended up just giving it to my friend at school lol, but she said it was really good. I was a bit jealous, but it's not like I can't have it when she makes it another time, or it's not like I haven't had it before. If I really want it that bad I'll even make it myself LOL like it's ltrly fine.

Thennn while I was going back to school and through my afternoon class I was otp with Angel (YAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYYYYYY HIHIHI HIP HIP HOORAY)

Then I went homeee and I was otp with Angel (actually I still am), and I started making a food poll which was soso funnnnn. I'm still in the process of making it, it's gonna be pretty long so it'll probly take a bit, but it gives me smth to do when I'm having bad cravings plus it's smth I enjoy so it's good ^^

I went to archery practice just when Angel was going to sleep (sad face), and practice was rlly nice. I had a good time, I'm really happy I decided to do it again this year. It feels a lot different this year than last year and idk why, but it just feels so much more enjoyable.

When I was talking with my step mom earlier in the day I made sure to slip in that I wanted to ask my friend to go eat with me after practice since we haven't talked a lot at all since last school year. And she was like oh thats a good idea. So I asked my friend and took her to mcdonalds LOLLL and I just basically got her food and we talked for a bit before I took her home.

When I went home I just told my moms I got whatever my friend had actually gotten. Then my mom saw me drinking a monster and was like "less monsters and more calories"

um... excuse me..

And I was like "I literally don't know what you want from me I had 2 meals today, 2 mcdonalds"

and I did a funny/weird voice with it but likeee... I was being fr... (not rlly bc I was lying but you get the point)

And she was just like good or smth idk. also she like

pat my stomach....

...

dont do that.

ANDWHY DID MY DAD DO IT YESTERDAY NIGHT TOO. YOU GUYS. YALL ARE WEIRD STOP IT PLS.

And he omgg... guys. LMAO he was saying smth and was like "did you eat" or smth and I said yes, bc I did,,,, ltrly binged. And he was trying to get me to eat a tamale?? and I was like No I'm full I just ate so much

And he was like idk he made a face like he didn't believe me or smth and then he was like "You have to take her to the doctor" WHAT LMFAO HE SAID THAT BC I HAVENT BEEN EATING OR SMTH HE SAID LIKE THAT. BITCH I JUST ATE A PHAT PLATE AND 2 FUCKING CUPCAKES ECT ECT..

WHAT THE FUDSHVIGORJLGVAOG

anyways..

sobs. LMFAO

I'm 28 hours into my fast, I feel ltrly fine which is kindaaa.. invalidating? if I'm not on the verge of death feeling like a sickly little Victorian child when I'm fasting then I don't want it and obviously that means I'm not fucking starving enough and need to die-

OMG ALSO I FORGOTTT. this morning me and my step mom were talking right, and she was like "Eli, I just wanted to say I'm proud of you for going on your little health journey. It takes a lot of discipline that a lot of people don't have and they can't do it." "It takes a lot of discipline to not eat the food I put on the table." omg... guys. this was like... omg idk it just felt so good.

I'm watching coco rn (such a comfort movie <3), gonna go do some duolingo lessons

Total Cals: 0

Total Steps: 4.2k rn... *crashes out*

[synoname-wordsmith]

Leftovers and Burnt Toast: Sanji x gn!reader

Summary: sanji has some concerning eating habits. you've ignored them for as long as you can, but what happens when you finally confront him about it?

Warning: eating disorder, angst, eventually comfort, let me know if I missed any

A/n: inspiration hit at 2 am after reading the linked post. I'm not a writer, so don't come for me. Also, I'm pretty sure I used gender neutral language, but if not, let me know, and I'll edit. Happy reading

Heavily inspired by this post:

You weren't spying on the cook you were observant, and those old habits never really died, did they? You were a spy, and it was in your blood to notice things. Moving silently through rooms thing caught your eye, even if it wasn't intentional. So no, you weren't spying on Sanji. You just started to notice a pattern.

Spending your time in the kitchen working on research of nearing islands, you could see him moving through his space, cooking, and baking but never eating. At first, you thought he just wasn't big on snacking and saved his appetite for meals, but when meal time came, his plate was hardly full. You knew he didn't waste food, so small portions made sense, but he never went back for more.

Then you noticed he skipped breakfast. Every day, he entered the kitchen just moments after you set up your books and notes, and not once did he grab anything to eat. And when breakfast for the crew was finished and being divided up among the group, he was always last to take. And with Luffy, that meant scraps and crumbs at best. Lunch was the same, and dinner didn't change the pattern either.

He didn't snack while he meal prepped, and the few times you "accidentally" made too much and offered it to him he graciously smiled and thanked you, but handed it off when Ussopp showed interest.

You've heard his stomach growl, so you knew Hunger was something he experienced, but you couldn't wrap your head around his avoidance.

***

It was a Tuesday when you finally said something. Coming home early from an excursion on the latest island. You entered the kitchen and was met with the familiar warmth of Sanji's blue eyes.

"Hello love, i didn't expect anyone back so early, i can whip you something up if you like"

"No, thank you," you matched his light tone. "Nami and i grabbed a bite at one of the little taverns." he smiled at that and turned back to what he was doing. You paused for a second, then made your way to one of the stools across from him. Watching his fluid movements through the kitchen as you considered speaking again.

"Have you eaten?" You hoped the nervousness wasn't prevalent in your voice. He paused before turning around. Smiling his signature smile.

"No need to worry about me, mademoiselle, that's my job"

"That's the thing, though," you paused, trying to find the right words. "i do worry about you," you paused again, and before you could speak, he interjected.

"Don't waste any energy worrying that pretty little head of yours, darling," he laughed airly, "especially about m-"

"You havent eaten since sunday!" You blurted without thinking. The silence that followed was deafening, and Sanji's face reflected that.

Just as quickly as his smile faltered, though, it was back. "That can't be right, love, surely you're mistaken"

"Im not," your voice was barely a whisper, "i made too much toast when i woke up on purpose, and you ate the extra, but you haven't eaten anything since then. No lunches or suppers, and you never snack." You risked looking up from your fidgeting hands. His eyes were wide, and his smile was gone.

"Have you been watching me that closely?"

"Not on purpose, noticing things is what i do, but once it became a pattern, i couldn't not see it, and - Sanji, what is going on?"

He laughed again, but it lacked humor, and then he reached for a cigarette. He didn't speak until his first exhale. He was stalling, another habit of his you noticed.

"I assure you im fine." his voice was low, and his eyes glossed over as if he was seeing something far away.

"I dont think you are," you whispered, willing him to look back at you. "i didn't want to pry, but i also noticed the more stressed you are, the longer you go between meals." He took a drag looking at his shoes. You could feel panic crawling up your throat. "We dont keep secrets. Remember? That's what you said to me. And I've been trying every day since then to be open and honest with you. Why is it not a two way street-?"

"Enough!" He didn't yell, but his voice was low, and his tone was heavy. You froze.

"Sanji-"

"No, this is of no concern to you, and I do not appreciate you sticking your nose where it does not belong " you had never seen him like this, he seemed genuinely angry. It scared you

"Sanji-" you tried again

"Maybe it's best you work out of the map room with Nami from now on." he turned from you like he was done with the conversation. Your hands shook, and you tried to fight the tears that pricked your eyes.

You felt frozen and before you could organize your scattered mind to respond the rest of the crew entered the kitchen

"Sanji! Look at all these groceries Nami found! Supper tonight will be amazing!" Luffy yelled cutting through the tension like an oblivious knife.

In a moment, Sanji reacted, posture shifting and smile returning. "Of course it will! Show me what you bought!"

You felt yourself lose control of the little composure you had left and slipped out of the kitchen without being noticed. If you were going to cry, it wouldn't be with an audience

***

"just talk to him"

it had been 3 days since you confronted Sanji and neither of you had been hiding the tension well. You had tried to give him space and act as if nothing was wrong, at least around the others, and Sanji seemed to have decided on the same approach. You moved to the map room and held off Nami's questioning stare for a few days with vague statements, but meal times were still tense. 

You tried to ignore it and to interact with the rest of the crew but it felt like a giant flashing sign was going off above his plate now. You kept quiet, kept your distance but the worry was eating at your insides.

" do i need to remind you 'Just talk to him' is how we ended up in this predicament in the first place " 

You had finally caved and told nami what was going down in the evening of day 2. She was perceptive and terribly persistent, before you knew it you had told her everything.

"Sure, but we both know Sanji is the poster child for not asking for help. Its probably why you get along so well" the last part was meant to be a joke, you scoffed 

"You're one to talk" you retort trying to hide your smirk. A moment of ease sat among you as you both laughed, but all too soon your anxiety started to settle in.

Nami sighed and placed a hand on your arm, "look, he was probably just caught off guard and embarrassed last time. Try again."

"Ya, probably." You aren't as sure as you sound, though.

***

Supper came and went and you had meant to talk to him as he cleaned up but Usopp and Luffy monopolized his time. Before you knew it it was dark and everyone had dissappear inside for the night.

You hadn't seen Sanji since the kitchen was clean but decided to do one more sweep of the place before giving up for the night. 

That's when you saw him out on the deck. He stood near the railing facing the sea, the kitchen giving just enough light to illuminate the smoke rising off his cigarette.

You went out and joined him. Leaning on the railing beside him. He didn't look at you and you didn't say anything as you both watched the dark waves.

You started to pick at your cuticles in the silence trying to figure out what to say.

"Im sorry i snapped at you, it was unfair" you turned your head to look at him but he kept his sight trained forward. "You were right and i got defensive and mad"

You wanted to tell him it's okay, that you don't take ot personally. You also had a million questions rapid firing in you brain but the look in Sanji's eye made you hesitant to speak up. You didn't want to shatter whatever aire was floating around you both.

"It was my mothers birthday last week. I didn't even realize the date until after you said something to me" you turned your body to him this time. Sanji rarely spoke of his family before Zeff and when he did it was vague with glossy eyes. Only after calming him down from a few nasty nightmares did you piece together very basic ideas of his home life. "So when you said i eat less when im stressed i guess you hit the nail on the head." He discarded his cigarettes into the sea and leaned forward on the railing. You reached out and placed a hand on his arm. He took a deep breath and continued. "I knew i did that, with the food i mean, i just- food isnt really for me you know? Dont get me wrong i love food and cooking, but i do that others, for you guys. It's like a love language i guess." He pulls put another cigarette

"I do eat when i feel i need to, but starving isn't a foreign feeling, and, i guess, along the way, i forgot the urgency that is supposed to come with that." He exhales smoke with a dry laugh. "I never considered it was a problem,  and i never meant to worry you. For that, im sorry"

He finally looked over at you. His words broke your heart and you tried to keep your breathing steady. If you cried he would make this about you, and you didn't want that.

"You need to eat, Sanji. You deserve to be healthy, not just alive." he smiled at that. It was more to himself, and it didn't reach his eyes. He took another drag.

"You keep saying that." He tried to joke, it almost had the lightness of the Sanji you knew. You felt you grip on his arm tighten as you fought harder against tears. 

"How are you joking, how do you not see you deserve the love and care you so selflessly give to others?" The words came rushed and more pointed then intended but your control on your emotions was deteriorating quickly. "I don't ask about your family, and i'm not going to start now but whatever they did and said to you, they were wrong. You deserve love Sanji" 

He opened his mouth, but you spoke again before he could. "No, you deserve kindness and unconditional love. From others, but also yourself." You hadn't noticed you were crying and only noticed you were shaking when he embraced you."i care about you so much, we all do. Please take care of yourself. If not for you, for us. For me." 

You felt his arms tighten around you and he didn't speak for a moment but when he did it was clear he was crying also.

"Im sorry" it was barely a whisper "i don't want to upset you, i'll do better"

"I just wish you could see yourself the way I do. I wish you would talk to me."

"I know I'm sorry, I'll do better at that too." You sniffled and looked up at him. His face was streaked with tears and his eyes puffy. You half smiled up at him

"Hey, I thought apologizing too much was my thing." With that he laughed. A real, heartfelt Sanji laugh. Hearing it made you feel like you could breathe again.

He wiped his face and then yours, leaving his hands on either side of your face. 

"We can figure this out together, right? As long as it's together?"

"Together," you echoed.

[drpeppertummy]

i havent gone into the provolone family tree on this blog but does anyone remember my bestie lemon. his sister pimientos present-day descentant penne is like. a Cartoon Movie Scientist who dabbles in made up bullshit

[unintentional belly expansion, tummyache, hint of burst teasing]

Penne looked down at the new batch of her latest project, exhaustedly rubbing her face. Scattered across the tray before her were dozens of bright orange pills. They were small and simple, indistinguishable from any other pill in the medicine cabinet. These, however, were unlike anything Penne had stashed away above the bathroom sink. They weren't a remedy for pain or sniffles or allergies. No, these little orange capsules were created to solve an entirely different problem: hunger.

The project had begun a few months ago after another long, hyperfocused night at the lab. It wasn't any different from any other night at the lab; Penne was notorious for going entire busy nights without eating. She was simply too busy and too absorbed in her work to step away. That night, however, the idea had crossed her mind that it would be so much easier if she could simply pull a meal out of her pocket and toss it back without interrupting her work. She'd thought about that, and then she'd thought about how many people such a creation might potentially benefit, and then she'd set off to work. Without a snack break, of course.

After several trial runs with increasing success, Penne thought she might finally have something close to a finished product. She felt confident that they were safe to test on herself; she'd worked out any alarming kinks a handful of attempts ago, and the most recent batches had been perfectly harmless, albeit not particularly filling. Now, as she looked down at the tray of little orange pills, her exhausted, work-fried brain began a debate with itself.

It's a new batch, her brain said. We should just start with one.

The formula is barely any different from the last, it argued.

But it could be different enough.

It shouldn't be. We barely altered the density of it.

It would be dangerous and idiotic to start with two. What if it's too much?

But if one isn't enough--and I doubt it will be--we'll have to wait even longer to try it with two.

Patience is a virtue. Whatever happened to lab safety?

Fuck it. We're trying two.

Penne picked up two of the little orange capsules, hesitated for a moment, and then, with a quick swig of water, she swallowed them. She sat still for a moment, holding her breath as she waited for something to happen. For a few moments, nothing did. Then, slowly, she felt her empty stomach begin to fill up as the capsules released their expanding mass of nutrients. Gradually, her hunger faded, and it wasn't long before she felt full. And then very full. And then stuffed. Her heart fluttered nervously in her chest as her normally concave belly began to puff out round and firm. Shit, she thought.

The growth didn't seem to be slowing. Her stomach continued to distend, pushing out hard as the mass inside it expanded. She was well beyond stuffed now, and her belly felt painfully tight as it bloated up even more, pressing out against her baggy shirt. Her belt, snug around her normally narrow waist, creaked as the pressure beneath it grew. Frantically, she reached down and undid it. Moments later, her expanding belly forced the button of her pants open.

An ungraceful cry of panicked discomfort escaped Penne as her stomach stretched rapidly, and her back arched as her belly pushed out further and further. She felt the air that had been trapped in her stomach begin to bubble up toward her throat, and she forced up a burp in a desperate attempt to release some of the pressure building inside her. It didn't help. She clutched her stomach, gasping with panic. It was rock hard, packed tightly with the ever-expanding nutritional mass.

As her stomach began to reach its absolute limit, Penne shut her eyes, bracing herself for the worst. By some miracle, though, the expansion slowed, and, mercifully, it finally stopped. She remained frozen for a moment, holding her breath, and then, when she was sure it was over, she let herself relax. She couldn't relax too much, though; her belly was so tightly distended she could barely move. It ached terribly. She let out a pained moan, cautiously rubbing her taut, top-heavy belly.

She was almost afraid to look down at herself, but she did. Her belly jutted out shockingly beneath her ribs. Her shirt, which had been loose and wrinkled only five minutes earlier, was now pulled smoothly over the painful bulge of her bloated stomach. With barely a pinch of spare fat to speak of on her lanky frame, her belly had absolutely no give left to it.

Carefully, she tried to stand, but her overstuffed stomach cramped sharply, and she quickly dropped back down into her chair with a pitiful moan. Her stomach, hugging the enormous mass of not-quite-food for dear life, let out a strained gurgle. She sat there, belly sticking out absurdly, hoping nobody came along and saw her. I told you so, her brain scolded. Groaning, she let her head fall back and closed her eyes, resigning herself to a long night of digestion.

[scream4ash]

tw 4 addiction, talks of self harm, talks of disordered eating, mental illness, self destructive tendencies, just overall me being a piece of shit.

hey, guys. ash here. i guess i wanna apologize for just dissapearing. when i had originally started posting, and decided i was going to be a writer i was sober, n in a better headspace. since then i have relapsed, n fallen into the cycle of addiction n destruction n just overall have not been in a good place.

i have struggled with substance abuse since i was around 13, mainly being alcohol or weed due to easy access. more recently in january of this year i had started abusing antihistamines. that way, i could tell myself it was just medicine, there was no harm in what i was doing. for those of you who don’t know, antihistamines are anti-allergy meds.

on march 17, i had overdosed. my girlfriend had found me on my bedroom floor seizing out. i was brought to the hospital via ambulance, n released the same day. i would love to say i stopped, n i realized the way im going would kill me, but i didnt. i had overdosed again 8 days later. this time when i was brought in to the er i was put on suicide watch. then i wouldve denied any attempts at harming myself, but deep down i didnt care the outcome. though im just now realizing i never really cared about what’d happen to me, but i think part of me always knew. i knew the consequences, i decided that god shall decide my fate.

i was then transferred from the er to a psychiatric unit where i was treated for depression n bipolar disorder.

when i was released a week later i decided it would be a new chapter. i had gotten a job, i was sober, n most importantly people saw me.

that lasted for around two months. the euphoria i felt had all come crashing down. i had slowly rejoined the forgotten, my own friends forgetting about me. i had fell back into isolation n self-hatred. i was fading out again, n no one noticed. no one noticed when i had started skipping meals, or the way my body physically could not allow itself to keep a single bite of food down, or the lack of sleep, even the empty look in my eyes. i have yet again fallen into the hand of addiction, seeking comfort from what i know is no longer there, what may have never been there in the first place. i have barely left my house, only going outside to walk my dog. i can no longer recognize who i see in the mirror. more recently i havent even been able to get out of bed to go to work.

i feel the need to clarify that i am 19 years old, the life i am living is not the life to live. i am actually all alone in the world. guys, if u, or a friend, or a parent, or a loved one, hell even ur worst enemy. if anyone u know, or may know of is struggling with addiction, let them know you are there. let them know that you havent gave up, youre still fighting for them. if ur thinking about trying drugs, or alcohol, hell even weed. don’t. take it from me. dont.

i havent been very active on here, n i am sorry. i am going to reopen my requests and start posting short works/blurbs. i will also get to the requests in my inbox, n those will be filled as blurbs. again, i’m sorry 4 bailing on you guys.

also so super sorry for the sob story, idk. kinda feels good to get this shit of my chest. idk, makes me feel like u guys know me kinda.

@calumikey @ashen-char @f4ngtooth @theactualqueenelizabeth @brittanysnowsgf @iheartambss @phorsphyn @spiderb00 @allsovls @jennaortegaswifey @liaisbaeee @xxxninjaxxx23 @chaejiberry @nohumanityhope @blakeroni @mm-myluv @amberfreemanmygirlfriend @lilahaga @mikeymisser @carolcunha7 @not-alesha @burninghotlava @shaunashipmanism @chaoticghosthoagiegoop @paigesbabymama @spidersareskrunkly @ghostampire @cursedashes @yveslish

tried to tag all of my followers, or as many that it’d tag. idk, i really want this to be seen.

[bratphilia]

uhh you mentioned grandpa!william and I've been literally had the worst brainrot about it sooo... :3 ✮ obsessed with having you in his lap. his hands snaked around your waist, pulling you in closer to him. you point out that something's poking your thigh, but he plays dumb as always. "just been a while since I've seen my babygirl 's all!" before he pulls you in closer, making you realize just how much of a gross pervert you're stuck with ✮ your parents find it so cute that you're still spending so much time with him despite being grown! even asking to spend nights at his house, all without them knowing about how he spends that time with his face buried between your legs treating you like his last meal. which it may very well be, pussy so good mf goes into cardiac arrest ✮ whenever you tease him along the lines of needing viagra, generally just making fun of him for being old, it always ends with his fist gripping your hair as he shoves your face into the mattress. the squelching of your cunt echoing out across his bedroom he previously shared with his wife, your grandmother. "what was that you said earlier? about needing pills to get hard? hmm, does it feel that way now?" he grunts in your ear, roughly fucking into you from behind. his cock thrusting into you at such a rough, heavenly pace seemed to empty your brain completely. no words, just short little babbles of "m' sorry!" this is the most rushed thing ever but just had to get this off my chest. damn you lana del rey and your inspiring lust for old men

HELLOOOOOOO ANON I NEED 2 TELL YOU. ive read this about 10 times and havent been able to form a coherent thought to respond to you with anyways!! heavy on everything you mentioned. he's actually such a dirty old man and it sickens you so much to where you could throw up if you think about it too much. pays wayyyyy too much attention to any inch of flesh you leave bared to him. big on eating pussy with that scratchy fuckin beard of his rubbing against your thighs. literally makes out with your cunt its actually ridiculous. also the way you call out his need for viagra makes him hide it from you so you don't accidentally stumble upon it.

[mondaymelon]

I feel like I’m spamming your inbox 💀

But, I have a basketball game on Friday and then another one on Saturday..oof two games straight

leaving all that aside, how was your dayyyayayay

- 🥦

i feel like im setting flames onto my poor followers' dashboards... 💀

lmao its fine what else am i going to do in my inbox other than marinate ( i have not been productive at all ughjfosdklj the new year is already 4 days past and i havent even started on this fic yet... aoisdjklfm, blegh melts into an ugly puddle on the ground )

two games straight ?? thats so silly.. and also your weekend is basically gone too byebye. rowing regattas usually take up like 6+ hours so youre pretty much at the place for the entire day ... it was freezing cold this one time and it was raining and i was sick and dying and we had to wear this skimpy ass tanktops and shorts that made me look like a T W I N K while rowing and girl we were all fucking shaking. like straight on trembling LMAO that day was not a good one ... even afterwards i was shaking so hard i could barely eat (giggles)

uhhokmllfkdjf this is awkward rn its stil pretty early like 12:31 soooo... we went to go get our visas to go back to the MOTHERLAND. E E E. E throws confetti im so excited to go back to china over summer break since the last time i visitrd it was like pre-covid and its been like 5 orr 6 years ... but yea we bopped over to chinatown while we were there and got a hAUL of asian snacks and a big ass meal that made me go "is this what its like to be pregnant because im boutta p o p."

because i am in the silly mood of wanting to overshare...

so we got these lolipops and idk what theyre called but they are my entire fucking childhood, a giant pack of fruit pudding cups (which i devoured. theyre all gone), cici jelly drinks E E E E i wanted mogu mogu but my brother chcked the bottle and they were expired giggles. little does he know (he does know i told him LMAO) that the cici's were expired october of 2023... they tasted fine though so no complains here <33

uhmuhm what else did we by i fogor but we got bottles of 冰糖雪梨which is basically happiness (and sugar) in a bottle. very scrumptious. 1000/10

( qotd: guess who im stalking by looking at the image above.. stares at kio. )

[redheadloverr]

Distracting him from work

gn!reader x diluc

cw: nsfw, praising, fluff

A/N : hey hey long time no see, sorry for any spelling / grammar mistakes I will fix this later lol. This will hopefully be first of many more fics to come!

“Luc!” You were ecstatic to hear your boyfriend coming home from work. You thought he was coming home earlier tonight but ended up staying at the tavern later than planned.

“Hi baby, I’m sorry I had to stay late. Did you eat already?” he says hugging and kissing you on the top of your head.

“I ate lunch but I havent eaten dinner yet. I was waiting for you, Luc.” you say letting him go as he takes off his coat and shoes.

“Hun, you should’ve ate earlier, I still have some work I have to do before I can end the night.” Diluc said in a sad tone.

“You should eat too though! You’ve had a long day at work and I understand you have to finish up some things for work but you should eat before you dive back into work Luc!” You say eagerly waiting for his response. Diluc told you he wouldn’t be able to make it back earlier today but you still wanted to wait for him and have dinner with him like you wanted. You weren’t gonna let him dive back into work that easily.

“Baby, I would love nothing more than to eat dinner with you but I should really get working.” He held your hands and kissed you once before embracing you in his arms. “You can bring some dinner upstairs though and we can eat in my office, would that make it up to you?” He said it so softly, it was for you and you only to hear. None of the maids were at home still so he had no reason to whisper it other than to show you how sincere he was and how much of a soft spot he had for you.

You nodded excitedly as he stopped embracing you, you were almost jumping up and down. He smiled softly and kissed the top of your head one last time before going up to his office without a word. You didn’t mind though, you knew how equally excited you two would be for this even without words. You quickly ran to the kitchen and made a simple dinner. It wasn’t fancy like the maids make your meals but it was enough for the two of you to enjoy. After you finished making your dinner you quickly walked back upstairs to find Diluc in his office. You knocked twice before opening his office door.

“Hi, baby.” He said with a smile. “You know you don’t have to knock, my love.” He chuckled softly.

“I know, I just wanted to.” You said chuckling as well.

You sat down in a chair he pulled up next to him. You watched as he moved some papers aside to make room for the food. You decided to share the food on one plate so he didn’t have to make much room. You both took a bite before continuing with your conversation.

“How was work?” You say eagerly waiting to hear his voice again. It was really something else, Diluc had the voice to make you go absolutely crazy. He knew it. He had to know. There’s no way he didn’t know how much you loved his voice. Diluc may not have been a eager talker but with you he opened up so much more than he did with anyone.

He talked about his day like normal, he told you about some wild customers, told you about the staff, about venti’s drunkard self. You could do nothing but stare and admire him. By the time he had recapped basically his whole day to you, you two were finished with dinner. He quickly got started on work again and you quietly went to go wash the now dirty dishes. After a few minutes you went back up stares to Diluc with some grape juice and water.

“I brought you some grape juice, luc.” You say quietly as to not disturb his focus.

He looked up at you, “Thank you my love. Here, come sit on my lap.”

You were shocked that Diluc would be the one to offer you such a request but you would never in a million years deny this specific request. Sitting on his lap was like sleeping with a warm sun dried blanket. He smelled amazing and sitting on his lap elevated his smell ten times more than usual. Plus who doesn’t love sitting on their partners lap? Especially while they did work, being in your partners vicinity, having your partner want you in their vicinity while they’re doing something important such as work is such a nice feeling. And you took advantage of it one thousand percent.

You quickly took a seat on his lap and snuggled up close to him. He loved it when you did it, and you knew full well that he did. You had your way with Diluc, you were the only person who could ever have their way with Diluc and you didn’t mind what so ever. And since you could have your way with him, you decided to tease him a little. You started humping his thigh a little to see if he’d react in any way, you were full on expecting him to tell you to knock it off or to tell you to get off his lap and sit next to him. To your surprise, he did neither. He let you hump him more, you could tell he wanted to see how far you’d take it and honestly you didn’t know why but it excited you.

You continued to watch him work and hump his thigh, he started smirking a little before you started humping his thigh with more passion. It felt good, humping his thigh when you should’ve been quiet and let him concentrate. Seeing how far he’d let you go and seeing what he’d do after he’s had enough. It was all so exciting, it made you want to hump him more and more.

“What are you doing, hun? Do you think you’re gonna get away with this?” He said whispering in a calm voice. “Look at me.” He wasn’t asking or begging. He was demanding. You stopped humping his leg and proceeded to look back at him. “Good, now get up.” You were a bit confused but you did as he said. You got up off his lap and looked at him confused. He started taking your clothes off, all of it. He didn’t let you keep just your shirt on, he ripped every single piece of clothing on your body off.

“Sit, facing me.” He pulled you onto him, back onto his thigh. “Go ahead.” He said smirking, eagerly waiting for you to continue humping his thigh. He looked you up and down, to your eyes, your mouth, your nipples, down to where you were sitting on his lap. You were stunned, you didn’t know what to do, he never acted like this before and even though it was a pretty big turn on you had no clue how to proceed.

“I said, go ahead.” he said in a stern tone that made you want to jump. You started humping his thigh again but this time you felt embarrassed. He was staring at you, while you were trying to hump him like a dog in heat. It was humiliating yet also so thrilling. You loved how he looked at you with those lustful eyes but you hated how lustful you probably looked to him. You couldn’t help it though, you wanted him to watch you, you wanted him to touch you, be lustful for you. And he was, and he did. He started small, grabbing your waist and guiding you as you humped back and fourth. Then, he moved just one hand to your nipple. Squeezing just hard enough to make you flinch. And then he moved both hands to you nipples, now full on making you scream every time he pinched them. You started to cry from the pain and excitement. He moved his hands back to your waist and started kissing your neck going down to your nipples. He sucked your left nipple, hard. He swirled his tongue around your nipple making your head spin and started pinching the right nipple as he did. You were starting to lose your grip on his thighs, making it harder for you to continue humping him. He didn’t care, he just moved from one nipple to the other.

He finally stopped playing with your nipples and looked at you. “Can I leave marks on you? Visible marks?” His question stunned you, a mixture of pleasure and a mixture of joy. You couldn’t respond other than just a weakly nod. He chuckled seeing how weak you were from just humpimg him and having him play with your nipples. He went ahead and started leaving hickies all over your chest and neck, you were too weak to even realize how many he had left on you and at the same time you didn’t really care. Everyone in mondstadt knew you two were a couple and you didn’t care if people looked at you funny. You enjoyed when he left hickies on you, and he enjoyed giving you hickies.

“My love,” he said taking you out of your trance, “let’s go to the bed, shall we.” He said it as if it were a question but you knew he was going to take you even if you didn’t want to. And so he did, he lifted you up, leaving your clothes and his paper work messily on the desk and the floor. He carried you to your bedroom which thankfully was right next to his office. He gently placed you down on the bed as you started eagerly tearing his pants off. “Love, I can take my own clothes off.” He says but you didn’t care. Your mind was mush, filled with nothing but lustful thoughts and you were just ready to have him absolutely destroy every part of you.

He took his shirt off as you took his pants off and then you started kissing him, it was a long and deep kiss, lustful and vicious. He started touching you as you two kissed, rubbing his member against you, just as eager to devour you. You two panted as you pulled away from the kiss.

“Im putting it in.” He doesn’t ask or wait for a response. He knows what’s his and he takes it. He was stern and rough, he was damn near basically shoving it in but you liked it this way. You moaned loudly, not even caring if people could hear you two or not. He grunted with every thrust, your moans only making him thrust deeper and harder. He wanted you, he needed you.

Your moans filled and echoed throughout the room, his grunts only being loud enough to be heard by you. Only you could hear how passionate and how different these grunts were compared to the rest. Only you could truly hear and understand that this feeling, these lustful thoughts and needs were a new experience. And you loved being the only one who knew. You tightened around him each time he goes harder, he loved it. He loved feeling how tight you were and he loved hearing you moan in pleasure each time he forced his way through your tight walls.

“Baby ngh… you’re so tight..” All you could do was moan in response. You couldn’t make out any words, you couldn’t even make any noises besides moans. He had turned you into mush, he made you a sex toy for his personal use.

“You’re doing so good baby.. take it all just like that” he said pounding into you harder, making you tighter.

“You’re doing a wonderful job taking my dick hun. Is this what you wanted earlier? Did you want me to bend you over my desk and pound into you this roughly?” You could tell he was also struggling to speak, every sentence was getting harder and harder for him to speak fully.

“Doing such a good job baby.” He reached over to kiss you. “Doing a great job taking me in. Do you like it when I fuck you like this? Huh, baby?”

You couldn’t take it anymore, his teasing only turned you on more, making it almost impossible for you to not climax in that instant.

“I..ngh, I need to..ngh.. I need to cum..” You said practically whimpering to him.

“Go ahead baby. You can cum. Cum all over me baby, you can do it. Be a good little brat and cum for me.” he couldn’t stop panting, almost as if he was about to cum as well.

“I..” you said holding back tears. “I’m cumming” you say followed by a moan.

“Me too baby, I’m cumming too..” he said softly as he ran his hands down your body.

You were both panting. Him still being inside you, reached down and kissed you. It wasn’t a lustful kiss, it was passionate and overwhelming with genuine affection. “You did a good job baby. I’m sorry if I was too rough.” He says running his thumb along your lips. “You weren’t.” You reassured him, pulling him back in for another kiss.

“We should probably go take a shower now.” He says looking at you softly. You giggled at him, “We should, shouldn’t we?” Both of you now laughing softly. He plants a kiss on your forehead. “I’ll go get the water running.” He says before kissing you one last time and going to the bathroom. You lay there, ready to go to bed any second now.

Diluc gently wakes you before telling you the bath is ready. The two of you help each other sleepily wash of that night’s event. Diluc hands you your pair of pj’s before grabbing his own. You two quickly change and proceed to walk back over to your bed and sleepily getting under the blanket together. Diluc turns off his nightstand lamp, making the room go pitch black. He goes to cuddle you up close to him before kissing your forehead. “Goodnight my love, sweet dreams.” You hear as you drift off into sleep.

[5-htagonist]

god damn im so happy rn... ill stick it under a readmore bc its about food and my appetite idk if it would be triggering also this turned into more of a diary entry than anything lol My Blog My Rules though

i made curry last night and im really happy because ive been having a lot of trouble eating and Making myself eat, on top of being really erally really broke so we havent had much food in the house thats just Ready To Go consistently.. like, we always have oats, but we dont always have milk, and i cant eat them with water.. or we have ham but we run out of bread, or all i want are fruits and leafs but we cant really keep anything except apples/oranges/grapes because they dont go bad before we finish them, or bananas cause they arent really ruined if theyre overripe you just throw them in the freezer. so we cant get salad materials.

if i try to just shove calories in my body and i dont like it i wont finish it. like i will feel full until i stop trying to make myself eat it. and this isnt even just when adderall affects my appetite.

then, on top of all that, i know if i eat i have to do dishes. my husband usually does them, but hes been going through a really bad time for the past couple months too, plus we only moved out july 2023, and before that his mom had been Divorced outta the house earlier that year iirc plus id been living there since july 2022, so his brain and nervous system has felt safe enough for the ptsd recovery stage for nearly 2 years. and he gets hit really hard with seasonal depression, and he has adhd too. he typically does dishes, i typically do laundry. the problem is its easier to wear the same clothes for a few days, or rewear laundry that isnt rancid, or wear ill fitting clothes that have been shoved to the back of the dresser, but its hard to wash a dish when the sink is full and the kitchen is overwhelming.

so, to avoid having dirty dishes, i wont eat. whats worse, is i was insanely stressed over school for like 3 weeks. all the stress i should have had this semester hit me really bad all at once. when im that stressed, i cant think about anything relevant to maintaining myself-- especially not maintaining neutral-positive self talk and constructive self esteem. which means i shut down if anyone needs anything from me real or imagined. which means i cant be there for my husband and make sure he eats and check in on him. so all this stupid shit just feeds into itself. ive had more s/h urges than ive had in years i think, and not even in response to anything extrinsic.

my goofy ass got drunker than i usually do super quick the other night, it wasmy husbands birthday party. i cleaned up the apartment super nice since mostly my stuff was strewn everywhere and did the dishes. i didnt eat all day and i think i had like, one inadequate meal the day before. so i was exhausted after cleaning, our roommate ordered pizza and i ate and passed out for 3 hour nap. by the time i got up everyone was already at Least buzzed. my brother in law got a mom call and my husband (drunk) was like Hey. Give me the Phone.. tell her i wanna talk... because she LOVES being upset that her kids are having a good time and feels the need for Hour Phone Call when and where she wants it, and my BIL is an adult but they dont treat him like one, so hes still really deep in feeling trapped in these trauma responses.

this i think is what really got me, other than not being on my full dose of adderall so my emotional abilities were compromised lmao. i was tryingto tell my husband i love him, because i was leaving to weed store, and he was getting triggered while drunk, so he was annoyed i was interrupting the call and i didnt get my byebyehugnkiss. not to mention they were being really loud earlier. so now i feel bad. i get back immediately down 2 shots (3 shots is where i am Comfortably Drunk) and share a j actually post cancelled kendrick just dropped. the point was that i got too drunk and started hitting myself on the head and crying in the kitchen floor lol but who cares about that KENDRIIIIIIICKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK

[thewickerking]

im eating this entire container of gelato idgaf. day one of my period and it sucks ass plus its been over two hours since i sent my text to who should be the assisstant manager at my job if this stupid application stuff works out and the electricity bill is due and i literally have zero dollars in my account ($1 in savings!) and my apartment is hounding one of my roommates to have me on the lease but i dont have paystubs from my job yet because i havent worked a shift yet and im worried they wont accept my apartment application and my testosterone perscription wasnt fucking accepted by insurance despite it being accepted last time so i dont have needles for this week and foreseeable weeks (started t late so i still have some actual testosterone for a few weeks but that doesnt matter if i cant inject it) and my last weekly scheduled plans got cancelled cause my friends were sick and i MISS THEM SO BAD and it feels like almost all of my relationships are falling apart and im kind of growing to resent my roommates and i keep getting terrible sleep and shitty nightmares and i dont have enough stupid savings for guaranteed sunday and i saw my brother yesterday and it seems like the only people that cate that he clearly has an eating disorder is me and i cant stop him and i cant help him and i watched him vomit up his meal and everytime we talk he asks me why i left him alone and tells me he cant take it and he is constantly fighting urges to be violent with our mom and my mom asked if i wanted to spend holidays with the family and i kind of really dont want to like at all and was hoping to have no plans (and hopefully my roommates will be busy and not home) but that sounds kind of miserable and lonely and ive been feeling nothing but miserable and lonely for months GOD IM SO FUCKING LONELY. IM SO LONELY ITS NOT EVEN FUNNY I DONT FEEL LIKE A PERSON ANYMORE. I CANT TAKE IT ANYMORE I CANT GO ON LIKE THIS. but i must and i will :| i cant maintain text conversations for shit im so awful with digital communication but i have to initiate everything if i ever expect to spend time with my friends but every single goddamn time i do i go home feeling hollow and worse than before ive always felt a little lonely sure but since losing friends over my attempt it just reaffirms that no person will ever love me unconditionally and im hurting everyone around me and fucking god. im so lonely. my friends love me but i dont know why i dont feel it i know its there and everytime someone touches me in any way i have to stop myself from sobbing because i need phsyical affection so bad but it feels like ill die everytime i recieve it and i dont deserve it i dont deserve anything

[vingangelstar]

i thought it might be fun to do this, so im going to :3 since we're halfway through november, ill do 1-16 today, and then answer 1/day for the remainder of the month.

day 1: i keep my stats in my pinned (and i haven't w31ghed myself in 13 days so i can't exactly say what my w31ght is rn! but i last was 173ish, give or take some decimals. my height is 5'6", and my bmi is 27.9

day 2: im 5'6, but i wish i was taller! id love to be around 5'10, i feel like sk1nny tall ppl are just so much prettier than being short and sk1nny. idk why lol.

day 3: ummm tbh i don't really have a specific th1nspø mainly because i dont find spø to be triggering unless it's very specific. though im usually tr1gg3r3d by sk1nny andro people, just because they could be either and still be like, perfect.

day 4: becoming so th1n it requires hospitalization. the goal is to be unrecognizable after my wl, yes, but not to risk getting caught in what im doing.

day 5: yes, it really is for myself. it helps me feel accomplished when i see my c4l count for the day, or the loss on the sc4l3. i used to be disordered more in middle school, but it was for a brief period of time before my parents kind of corrected it. now that i dont live w them, i can actually lose and not worry about what theyll say.

day 6: so far, i haven't! but ive had a lot of like, guilty days where i 34t over 800 and feel disgusting. but i do not b/p, and i won't ever really claim to.

day 7: i havent seen them in a few months, and even then, we're not that close. they don't know, but if they did, they'd be supportive of my wl. that being said, they'd probably be concerned too.

day 8: i work a full time retail job as a department head. i am legit always walking, so that's my work out for 5/7 days of the week.

day 9: my dad has called me f@, my ex would comment on it sometimes, and my mother growing up would put herself down for gaining. my brother also is heavily picky with eating and would call me f@ as well.

day 10: eating whatever and whenever. i used to not care, but now that im forced to, it's a little stressful.

day 11: any post by @/wlfawnbby or pretty much any angel/blue or emo masc spø.

day 12: depends. i always have a mamma chia squeeze, sometimes a protein bar, and a frozen lean cuisine dinner that's less than 400 c4ls. i save any higher c4l frozen stuff for big work days or meta days. im trying to have 1 cup of tea a day, if not 2, and drink my wl tea.

day 13: ooh... take a guess...

day 14: 114, but i might aim for 110. i want my bmi to be like, 16. im projected to reach my wl goal in march of 2025, so 🤞🏻🤞🏻🤞🏻

day 15: i am not vegan or vegetarian, but i do avoid red meat unless im really craving it. i only really 34t chicken as a source of protein because it's my favorite. i wouldnt want to go vegan simply because i dont have money for that and legit no time for meal prep ever lol.

day 16: a few weeks ago. id been spiraling anyway, might as well make the most of it. i think i started a few days before halloween, if i remember right.

[thephloxbayou]

Im so fucking angry.

I wasnt going to talk about going per protocol but this was so fucking lame it doesn't matter. It was never a threat or a blink on existence.

I went to a local vigil for Aaron Bushnell.

Now, a few things. This is my first time getting to go to anything like this. I have a sleep disorder, and I work nights. Usually activist groupings tend to happen last minute/you find out last minute. I'm far from Boston, on Cape Cod (I've mentioned where i lived generally before hence why I dont mind saying it here), and it's an ordeal to go even for fun. Things rarely happen on days I have off, and if they do, i probably worked the night before or have to that night. I cant take work off, im poor and its hard to get last minute coverage without my job being at risk.

But I found out yesterday about the local vigil. I rested up well before my shift, did it and came home and got very little sleep. But I could manage and that was the point, I could so I should. I had clothes prepped, black bloc even though i didnt expect anything to happen, and dressed for the cold and rain (its closer to 50 today). My phone was at home, my ID and house key in the car, parked some ways away and walked, only had my car key, a water bottle, and a few fruit snacks on me. It started at 1pm but I got there at 2 (lack of sleep plus making sure to eat a good meal just in case rather than run out on a near empty stomach).

I didnt expect a ton, this area is wealthy and white, but I wanted to be ready if anyone of color got harrassed because I have my privilege as a white person. Good to practice anyways. I also felt like maybe the gathering would have more energy, given that it came out that Aaron was a Cape Cod native. Either way, I was prepared to stand outside all day even if the rain that was forecasted was pouring down.

Well I walk up at 2... and they're wrapping up. Everyone (like 45 people) is standing around with signs, but theyre chatting and holding the signs down at their sides. They took a group photo with their signs calling for an end to this horribleness while smiling. I finally managed to say hello to the organizer, and mentioned that I didn't realize everyone would only be here for an hour. "Well it started to rain really hard." People stood around and talked about their anger at our government, and the horrors of whats happening in Palestine, then left because they were cold and it was wet (was listening to conversations and goodbyes. I was wandering on my own, everyone else was with friends). I heard the organizer talking about how he just vacationed in Costa Rica and was going back, then going to some other vacation spot.

My husband was surprised when I came home basically right after I left. I am so deeply angry by how comfortable these people out here are. This is not the first time Ive complained about that, i grew up with a hard life, we came out here on an opportunity, so I wouldnt off myself in the bad situation we had been in, and with his mother's help where she could (he grew up here). Ive never felt comfortable here because these people are living in a different world than I do, and even people who are just normal people and not some rich asshole look at me weird when I say stuff that I consider perfectly normal given where i grew up/class level. You're so angry over this, over the pain the people of Palestine are going through, that you go through the effort of organizing an event, and you stand around and talk about your "anger," and then you LEAVE after an hour because it's a little cold (warmest day we've had in weeks) and it's raining, which was forecasted and you could prepare for???

I havent calmed down. I cant go back to sleep cuz I already took my adderall which i need to stay awake on any regular day with that sleep disorder. I went ready for a fight, I wasnt expecting one but I was prepared, and expected at least a little energy from the group. But nothing. You accomplished nothing but making yourselves feel better.

I wish I could do more. I wish I had money to donate. I wish I had the ability to go physically support activist movement. All just like I wish I could during the summer of 2020. Im constantly torn between recognizing my position and suffering as valid and not a reason to beat myself up for not being able to do more, and feeling like I'm not doing enough and it's just excuses. But I just... cant fucking believe everyone I saw today. I mean yeah, i believe it, i know, i knew, but im just still furious. This is why we're in this fucking position people.

[lordfreg]

hi feg :)

HRU?? I havent been able to chat or talk 2 u or even CHECK UP in on u in awhile and im sorry 😞😞mb chat—

ANYWAYS. Here to checkup on the awesome wonderful talented amazing extraordinary artist and friend.

Have you . . . EATEN THREE MEALS, DRINKEN A WATERBOTTLE, SLEEP EIGHT HOURS AND TAKE BREAKS??

EEEEKKKKKKK HIIIIIII FREANKIIEEEEEE I MISSED YOU SOOO MUUCCCHHHH!!!!!! 🖤🖤🖤🖤💫💫💫💫💫💫💫💫💜🖤💜🖤🖤💜🖤💜🖤💜🖤💜💫🖤💫🖤💫💜💜🖤💫🖤💜🖤🖤💜

When I got this yesterday I basically said I was fine, but I'm going to be absolutely transparent; I am extremely unhappy

(tw su!c!de)

I think I don't think I'll be able to make it through next year. If I do, amazing! Epic!

But if I dont; it's not anyone's fault. Shit just happens sometimes and it's fine

I'm growing more and more exhausted and I'm breaking out in autoimmune rashes. My mental health has been on a decline, and I'm thinking about just dropping everything

I'm not getting help or the treatment I need. It hasn't been fun so far. As lexie can confirm, I freaked out a few days ago because of spiders

I'm working on saving to move out and go away for college because the mental health resources here are unhelpful, judgmental and gossipy

And im now finding out I may or may not have extreme psychosis and ASPD (antisocial personality disorder) and I don't want anyone to look at me differently for it. And I especially don't want people in this town knowing that.

My hallucinations are getting worse, I'm literally getting so exhausted I can't bare to draw for more than an hour a day. I want to draw nonstop, but I get tired like I just did gymnastics when I do.

So in conclusion; I'm not doing good and it hasn't been fun for me.

I might have parasites(???), but I haven't bene to the doctor in over 2 years because last time I went he took anxiety from my diagnosis because "I didn't look like I have anxiety"

I eat one meal a day, usually chicken, and have two protein shakes. I'm getting too exhausted to even get food anymore

I have powered through unhelpful lectures, exercise, daily chores, babysitting, work, family, etc.

It hasn't been fun to only work out because I'm angry. I've had 0 energy to do anything, and I haven't been motivated enough to do anything <- I literally had to put my phone down to rest

I literally am just typing my best to duck tape myself together so I can last a little longer. It's been really, really rough and I've been pacing in circles talking to myself because I don't have anyone to talk to.

Sure I have friends, but like, why would I ever say anything to them? Probably when I'm open and honest I sound like a complete pyscho hbhjjjjjkjjjnnj

I think the only thing keeping me from snapping is the fact I'm too tired to do anything.

Look, I'm really sorry if I disappointed you, or I seem like a cry baby, or I'm just a downer, I am in extreme mental turmoil constantly.

I am trying my best to keep it together.

Thank you for your time

[dballzposting]

Also Yajirobe and Goku in the originial dragon ball to me is like a geode I havent cracked yet but I can feeeeeel the brewing insanity there.

When watching it my sister pointed out how cute they were and how nice it was that they were working together and all. And that's so true

And then later when Goku was training on Kami's Lookout, Yajirobe was sitting on the Korin Tower railing and looking up and Korin came by and told him that he can tell that Yajirobe must think of Goku as a friend, whether he knows it or not.

Liiiikkkeeeee OH MY GOD CAN YOU FEEL IT? The egg waiting to crack?

Yajirobe's debut in the story. Was so. Weird. He came at a time where everything was in the shitter. Goku was in the shitter. He was at his lowest. He was alive - that's what he was. He was physically failing. He was emotionally exhausted. He was snapped and broken and pained in spirit. But he was unobserved. He was alone, walking, looking for something to eat or waiting to die.

Enter Yajirobe. Hes not a diamond in the rough, hes clearly OF the rough, and we know that we're in the rough too. But he is totally remarkable in his own way. Hes a lump of obsidian in the rough.

Hes not virtuous. Hes not a master who will teach Goku something new. Hes a vagabond. Hes a rat. You know what he is? Hes a survivor.

THATS REALLY what Goku needs at this point in the story. He doesnt need optimism, doesnt need discipline. Later on Mr Popo has to correct Goku's maligned spirit that had been burning too close to the arrogance of evil, and at that point Goku does have the capacity to refine himself; but at YAJIROBE'S DEBUT, GOKU needs to SURVIVE. To just Fucking Exist despite all the pain.

FURTHERMORE, Yajirobe isnt a wise old master, hes a FRIEND! Goku actually TELLS HIM that Yajirobe sounds kind of like the late Krillin. And Yajirobe is able to offer head-to-head skill when he starts running from Goku to protect his one-star ball, like training with Krillin back in the day. And then later they go on an adventure and Goku accepts him totally as he is and loves him anyway.

DO YOU SEE WHAT I AM SAYING ..??!¿¿

Also so remarkable that it's worth mentioning: GOKU, who would NEVER turn down food, not only rejected (not that he was offered) the meal of Cymbal but ADVISED Yajirobe to NOT EAT HIM. He thought that was shocking and rude and sick. He watched Yajirobe put that thing away, mesmerized and adverse.

Listen listen listen LISTENNN Goku and Yajirobe never did anything more with each other becasue their lifestyles and priorities are not only different but almost opposite. BUT Yajirobe hangs around Korin's tower and Goku is always running back for those beans. And Yajirobe will show up at key pivotal moments of battle as well as at barbecues and potlucks. Goku grew up in abject isolation and loves well all of the friends hes made henceforth: all of them he had the volition to choose, and choose he did, and he grew up and they grew up and he loves them all so much. The love he has for his friends is pure. Yajirobe is among them. Goku really sees the good in him, and there really is goodness there too. Yajirobe is a complete loner and doesnt need/want friends, but he definitely is warm on Goku and thinks highly, even dearly, of him. I guess I dont have much proof of that last part but why would you try to deny it. Yajirobe definitely thinks that Goku is a crazy bastard but I think that he also is on some level appreciative of the joy that associating with Goku has inadvertently brung, like the joys of courage and honor and good food and family and his friends' families.

AAM I BEING ISNANE?

Can we be insane together??

Yajirobe and Goku have something so special and it's more nuanced and beautiful than anything... It almsot hurts that they dont do more together but that's part of it. It's bittersweet but shouldnt be. What they have is exactly perfect for them and is exactly as it should be. This is how two people who are too different love each other. In exactly this way.

DO YOU SEE ?? ? ? ?????......................

[drpeppertummy]

"They swallow the last bite of their meal, their outfit reaching the last straw just when they thought they were in the clear." with the OC of your choice :3

thankyouuuuu its leon & shelly hours to nightttt this is a mess bc i havent written in 16 years & my dad was making me watch w*s and*rson movies the entire time i was writing it but WHAT ever

[stuffing, one popped button]

Leon was beginning to second guess his choice in pants.

He hadn't needed to put on his good jeans; it was only dinner at Shel's. They weren't even eating at the table. They were sitting side by side on the floral print couch, connected warmly at the hip as they ate. Shel, freshly showered and not wanting to get dressed again, was wearing his pajamas. It was, to say the least, an informal date. Still, Leon had wanted to look nice, and he'd put on his neatest pair of jeans.

The reason the jeans were so neat, as it turned out, was because Leon rarely wore them. Judging by the way they squeezed him around the middle, he supposed the last time had been several years ago. They'd been snug when he'd put them on earlier in the evening, and now, after eating a good portion of his meal, the waist felt like it was straining against his belly. Shel's cat--one of Shel's cats, anyway--wasn't helping. She was curled up on top of Leon's plush middle, happily purring away, her weight pressing his belly down and out against the precarious waist of his pants.

"We oughtta do this more often," said Shel, throwing an arm around Leon's shoulder. "I love havin' you over."

"I love bein' over," said Leon, smiling softly at Shel.

"Love makin' sure you're eatin' good, too," teased Shel, giving Leon's tummy a gentle pat. Leon blushed, then bumped his head against his shoulder. Shel had made a thick, hearty stew for the two of them that evening, a far more substantial meal than the cold pizza, Lean Cuisines, and beer that typically made up Leon's diet, when he remembered to eat at all.

As he ate, Leon began to worry seriously about his pants. They were growing increasingly snug, creaking ominously as his belly bulged against them, and he wasn't convinced they were going to make it through the night. He hesitated for a moment, unsure whether he should finish his dinner. He supposed Shel would worry if he didn't. Cautiously, he went on eating.

The pants grew tighter and tighter, the button straining and creaking each time he moved, and Leon found himself praying they'd stay together just for a few more bites. The waist was almost unbearably snug around his tummy. He only had a tiny bit of stew left, though. If he could just get through that, he could relax.

The pants weren't the only thing growing snug; Leon's stomach was also feeling taut and full, and as delicious as the stew was, he was glad to be almost done. He wasn't sure he could eat much more even if the jeans hadn't been an issue. Mercifully, they held on as he scooped up the last bite and set the bowl down. Relief fell over him, at least until he swallowed. His belly tightened as the big bite bumped up the pressure inside it, and, at long last, the button of his jeans popped open with a snap. Startled, the cat bolted.

"Oh! Jesus!" Leon covered his face, mortified. Shel blinked, then, processing what had happened, grinned widely, and then he laughed, a soft, wheezing sound.

"Oh, Leon! You shoulda told me you were full," he laughed, setting his own bowl down and hugging Leon tightly. "Hey, those aren't new, are they? I never saw 'em before."

"The jeans? Oh, no, they're old. Really old," Leon added with a nervous half-chuckle.

"Oh! Well, no loss then, right?" Leon looked up at Shel, his face still beet red, then smiled.

"I guess not."