#eat it andrew hussie

[baroquepopcorn]

Leprechaun Romance, a thoroughly meandering headcanon/evidential analysis of speculative webcomic xenoromantics

As one bound to the aspect of light, I have a tendency to seek forbidden knowledge. Yes, this information has been cruelly hidden from us for too long. However through a combination of inference, thematic analysis, and vague in-comic information I have put together something. So sit back and allow me to:

Display my leprechaun romance headcanon!

Okay, I know, it was a stupid joke making fun of homestuck's worldbuilding and info-dump exposition, and that it was based on lucky charms, and Hussie himself probably hasn't even come up with an answer, but I Don't Care. This still seems like something worth examination. I’ve found that some of it just fits so well that it makes me think there's more to this than meets the eye. So allow me to be your exposition fairy and lecture you at length.

first of all the easy part:

Hearts <3 : confirmed to be equivalent to human love/matespritship. Maybe instead of admiration or pity, it's based on a mutual sense of humor, pleasant surprises, and inside jokes. Activities could also consist of friendly card games or comedic exchanges.

Diamonds <> : having the same diamond shape it is most likely equivalent to troll moiralligence, a romance centered around two platonic soulmates with the social purpose of balancing eachother out and preventing one of them from going off the rails. Maybe with leprechauns, diamonds have the social purpose of preventing people from going too far with pranks and getting too full of themselves. Maybe they use japes, jokes, and chicanery to calm eachother down, or minor pranks to dissuade them. It is right at the center of the chart, suggesting a strong association with moderation and neutrality.

Now for the hard part:

I feel like we can actually infer a lot of the deeper meanings of the charms via their shape. Think about it. Kismessisitude's symbol, the spade, is an inverted heart. Both it, and auspisticism have those "thorns" at the bottom, maybe indicating negative emotions, the fact that it is an inversion of another romance type, or acting like those lines on the bottom of 6s and 9s so you know which way is right side up. The Auspisticism symbol is the same as the Kissmessisitude symbol, except there is a third node (third party) interfering and splitting it apart. This concept of shape theory could be invaluable in the interpretation of certain charms

Balloons O< :

Now in the "inaugural death of Mr. Seven" paradox space comic (which while one may say the paradox space comics are of dubious canonicity, this particular one was written by Hussie himself so the world mechanics and lore must be at least canon compliant even if these events never happened) crowbar walks into clover and itchy doing a dance (which probably has the same dirty implications that buckets do with trolls, and snakes do with cherubs):

He mentions that they're all wrong for balloons (indicating he would be open to ballooning around with them but recognizes it wouldn't work out). The balloon symbol has that blackrom thorn, it may be based on negative emotions and it looks similar to the kismessitude symbol, but it's also rounder, redder, less pointy, more --- jovial. Now my headcanon for balloons. It's like kissmessitude but with practical jokes. The two balloons are engaged in a constant prank war, egged on by feelings of annoyance, spite, revenge, schadenfreude, and humiliation, but also a subtle and mutual undercurrent of enjoyment. Where it differs from kissmessitude is it is less of a rivalry, more of a two-sided bullying situation, maybe it's a bit more patronizing, teasing, pitying. Additionally it's a lot more lighthearted, there's a certain understanding that a balloon is all in the name of fun and japes, and like with kissmessitude, you never actually want to get rid of the other person, just mess with them. As such, it may be an inherently delicate charm; when one balloon takes a prank way too far and seriously hurts the other, the relationship could "pop" and the charm would be lost. If one of the members loses interest and stops pranking back, or has an especially long losing streak, the balloon could "float away". When interpreted like this, it becomes obvious why Clover and Itchy are "all wrong for balloons". Since Clover is extremely lucky (that's his power) any prank attempted on him would either fail or backfire. He also is very good natured and probably not smart or malicious enough to pull off effective pranks. As balloons require effort and humiliation from both sides, it would be impossible to solicit him with this charm. Itchy is very irritable and snarky, he probably would take a prank way too hard and go too far with his own, so while he'd probably get quite into balloons (and would be quite a skilled prankster because of his super speed), he would be a serial balloon popper, not the kind of leprechaun you’d want to have a long-term balloon with. Crowbar, by contrast is very competent, measured, and methodical, he would definitely try and seek revenge if his stoic image was humiliated and would probably takes immense pleasure in setting up pranks and seeing the payoff, additionally, he's pretty annoyed with most of the felt (implying a mild ballonic crush) Although he is quite serious, he seems quite interested in this charm, maybe it's the only way he can really let loose and joke around. That’s not even where poor crowbar’s romantic troubles end.

Horseshoes C¦ :

We actually see this charm quite a lot in the infamous hearts, stars, horseshoes trove:

Gross! Clover! get a room!

And here, after Karkat beat him in a fight and hog-tied him.

This post:

from compulsiveAnalyst explains how the fight may have been interpreted by Clover to be a solicitation/courting dance. Thus being bested in a fight by Karkat was not a faliure of his luck, but rather some good old fashioned horseshoeing which clover was really into

We interpret this trove by seperating its components. Obviously there is an element of hearts (love), and I have a seperate theory for stars that we'll get to later, but there is also an element of domination, of power, of subjugation, of kinkiness. Caliborn just conquered a planet, Karkat beat clover's ass, and the horsehoe itself has connotations of kicking, domestication, and ownership. And let us not forget about Equius the Horse guy, who literally commands people to command him, while getting very sweaty, and died submitting to Gamzee because he was into him choking him to death. So it is my interpretation that horseshoes represents kinky masochistic stuff. What I mean by that is that a horseshoe has two distinct roles; the master and servant, the dominant and submissive, the "kicker" and the "kicked", which leads to a sort of asymmetric romance, similar to how the auspistice between two would-be pitch lovers is the only one who bears the ashen feelings of exasperation and peacekeeping, or how the two moirails take on different roles as the pacifier and the violent, the "kicked" and the "kicker" could take on seperate but interelated aspects of the horseshoe relationship. Regardless, the point is the kicked would have a thing for getting kicked and rejected by the kicker, and would actively pursue them in order to satisfy horseshoe desires. The upside-down horsehoe is also commonly a symbol of bad luck, making it the perfect opposite to the shamrock charm.

Stars <X :

Same basis as above. When we seperate love and kinky shit from the hearts stars horsehoe equation, what are we left with? Awe, devotion, admiration --- stanning. When someone is faced with a celebrity they deeply admire, they are said to be startstruck (shown in emojis and cartoons as stars in the eyes). Thus stars could represent a sort of celebrity worship of another person but as a form of romance, which again would function asymmetrically. One person in a star relationship idolizes another, puts them on a pedastal, and constantly praises them with a fervor bordering on the religious. On a deeper level, the “star” could be a figure one aspires towards, encouraging self improvement. Activities could include pranks, jokes, and gifts intended to make "the star" notice them. The star hearts horseshoe trove is then revealed to be a sort of kinky, subby, romantic relationship, one a loyal servant may feel towards his master, with the master reciprocating the emotions with displays of dominance and distant affection. It also would be a sort of fifty shades of grey situation, with the hearts providing a basis of love, the stars providing the admiration and submission, and the horseshoes providing the masochism.

Alas, we have analyzed every charm that has been mentioned in the story. Everything from here on out will need to be filled in purely by headcanon. So let's take a step back and observe that 9-square chart along with the familiar quadrant diagram

The 2 by 2 column has a specific function, dividing the quadrants based on their properties. concupscient on the left, concilliatory on the right, redrom on top, blackrom on bottom. There is a clear logic here. Thus, there must be some logic behind the way the charms are arranged as well. Well what does our 3 by 3 array look like?

An alignment chart! lawful good to chaotic evil. Using our current datapoints we can get a feel for what "lawful - chaotic" and "good - evil" actually mean. hearts is lawful good, basically what we'd expect. diamonds is true neutral, again, it's platonic --- feels about right. But what about the other ones? balloons is lawful evil, stars is chaotic good, horseshoes is chaotic neutral (which also feels about right). Along the top we have two forms of intense red rom (matespritish hearts and parasocial celeb obsession stars). At the bottom we have what seems like a form of black rom (balloons) and in the middle we have diamonds and horseshoes. Now horseshoes mixes pleasure and pain, submission, fear, and grovelling. It definitely does feel somewhere in between red and black rom, but moirallegence is considered red rom, so then, shouldn't diamonds be in the top row? Wait. Didn't Aranea specifically say that "There is no division 8etween 8lack or red, concupiscent or conciliatory." Maybe instead leprechans have a similar concept of malicious intent behind the charms (tying in with the cherub concept of benevolent/malevolent), with diamonds being understood as a charm somewhat motivated by a sense of duty and social obligation instead of pure interest in another's wellbeing, it is still based on red emotions, but the underlying function is different. Maybe leprechuans, being a less violent race, have a different social purpose for their moirallegence; preventing their fellow diamonds from destroying not through just violence, but through reckless, careless abandon. Maybe the way these species organize their relationships into charts are more of a cultural construct that obfuscates a deeper underlying universal theory of romance... We're getting off topic here. The point is, in the context of this chart, good = benevolent, evil = malevolent, and neutral = mixed intentions, perhaps purely carnal or obligative in nature. notably, this concept is distinct from the redrom/blackrom divide, as while a moirail has positive feelings towards their palemate, the underlying reason for the relationship (beyond feelings) is not "I want to bring this one up" or "I want to take this one down", but instead "I want to stop this one from killing people" The lawful to chaotic axis may by contrast represent the concept of "activity" a nebulous concept familiar to all those well-versed in classpecting, best described as the dichotomy between a passive benefit to all, vs an active benefit to one. Reciprocal, balanced hearts and balloons that seek to improve both parties and lack a certain ferocity behind them (lawful), diamonds with their two distinct roles, and a sense of obligation to protect the world from a person (neutral), and asymmetric, one-sided, and somewhat vitrolic stars and horseshoes that only one person seems to derive enjoyment from (chaotic). With this newfound context we can begin tackling moons, shamrocks, rainbows, and pots o' gold.

Moons U :

neutral good. It must be a form of benevolent romance, and as a neutral relationship on the lawful to chaotic axis, it is a mix between active and passive. Now, when we think of moons in homestuck, there is one thing that should immediately come to mind and a place where this symbol shows up very plainly:

That's right! The moons! Dreamself pajamas! And specifically prospit. Mayhaps some exotic culture has an inverted form of moons, much like how kissmesistude is the inversion of matespritship, that looks like grunkle stan's hat symbol from gravity falls and is colored derse purple. Regardless, this only seems to strengthen the active/passive divide as it is literally representative of the polarization between prospit and derse. I think our best angle to analyze this is in the context of the prospit moon, and dreams themselves. Maybe this form of romance consists of a longing ache directed to another individual, a deep abiding sense of importance and fate that one attaches to another. It could be the feeling of locking eyes with a beautiful stranger on the bus, and then running into them again and again. moonmates could be the key to the other's destiny, the intellectual obsession, the muse, the one who lives in their dreams. Now this feeling is seperated from hearts by subtle nuance. While hearts make the heart ache, and they seek to get as close to eachother as possible, passively basking in eachother's embrace, and stars are an extreme celebrity worship contingent on one party actively seeking the light of another, moons could be more like an observance that can't be cleanly divided into active/passive, the sort of awe and wonder one might feel at a beautiful night sky, but redirected to a person. And above all else, fate (The moon symbol is also seen on the just half of the godtier death clocks) Mystery and secrets could be vital to this charm as moons represent the confluence of light and void, often riddles and queries could be exchanged as a sort of intellectual probing. Indeed mind games could be central to this charm as a way of simultaneously trying to get into the other person’s head and preserving that intrigue. Moons could frequently act as eachother's creative muses. They might tend to follow cycles of waxing and waning interest and activity with the moongazers shifting between positive and negative emotions, or active and passive behaviors, but always centering around the central idea that "this person is important to my fate and I must know more about them".

Shamrocks 88 :

I had a hard time with this one. the first thing you think about when you hear shamrocks is good luck, right? But when you look at the symbol itself, what do you see? hearts facing opposite to eachother. And with what we've talked about on how romance symbols in homestuck can encode meaning, I feel this is too important to pass up. Also important to note is that Auspisticism (Another clover-based romance form) is primarily concerned with breaking apart a kismesitude. Four-leaf clovers are things you pick when you see them, and keep to yourself to bring luck. It also is a neutrally-aligned reciprocated (lawful) feeling, suggesting a passive mutal benefit. In both places we've seen it (little sebastian's heart shamrock crush and clover's heart, shamrock, pot o' gold trove with trace) it is paired with hearts. What I'm guessing it is, is a sort of mutual recognition of the other's role as a "lucky charm" (puns!), with a desire to keep them to themselves through jealously fending off suitors, and perhaps even teasing the other person to keep them from straying (thus the hearts opposed to eachother represent how shamrockmates will push off the percieved romantic advances of other people in order to preserve the shared luck they bring to eachother.) It is also directly opposed to horseshoes, and wouldn't you know, upside-down horsehoes are a symbol of bad luck. Maybe the difference is: "this person is good for me and I want to keep them by my side", and "this person is bad for me, but I'm gonna keep chasing them because I want the pain". Making the neutral band a sort of trio of lucky pleasure, balanced obligative moderation, and unlucky pain. They may also consist of playing together in games of chance, vs horseshoes playing them against each other (for kinky purposes?) and shamrocks could be the ones you enter competitions with. In the context of the story as seen above, lil sebastian may heart clover a lot, but also shamrock them, want to keep them as their "charm" so that they may benefit from their luck.

Rainbows ((( :

A malevolently focused activity neutral charm. I'm actually pretty happy with the theory I came up with for both it and pots o' gold, based on a potential relationship between the charms. Rainbows, stars, and moons are all celestial objects one can never reach. In the case of stars, its a wistful pining from afar, though you know you'll never come near. With moons, it's a little closer, more involved, you can really study it, and though it takes some work, you can eventually reach it (landing). Even with balloons, if you're not careful it can float away from you and you'll start losing to your prankster-partner bullymate. The fundamental nature of rainbows is that you can chase one, but you'll always fall behind. I envision a rainbow relationship as a sort of adverserial mentorship, with one person (the rainbow) being well versed in a skill, or just engaging in an endless stream of one-upmanship against the rainbow-chaser, who seeks to meet and surpass the rainbow's skill level. Because it is active-passive neutral, the charm can have both selfish (the chase of rivalry) and mutually beneficial (self improvement) elements. Imagine the feeling of someone continually beating you in checkers, or getting better grades than you, and no matter how much you try to improve, they always remain one step ahead (much like the symbol itself, with one end of the arc always behind the other). It could be strongly based in games of skill, strategy, or luck (as some are naturally more lucky than others), but invariably would end up in the chaser losing but getting better. It's probably a very exhausting charm for both parties, but a very rewarding one. With moons and diamonds it seems to form a trio of improvement (moons: improvement of the mind/light/spirit, diamonds: improvement of the heart/rage/emotions, rainbows: improvement of the body/life/practical skill).

Pots o' gold C]: :

Last but not least, the pot of gold charm. Occupying the malevolent active portion of the quadrant, it strikes me that it's symbol is similar to balloons but flipped and filled with stuff, indicating a material gain element. In relation to rainbows, the pot of gold is supposedly what one can obtain once they reach the end, with the leprechaun having to give up their gold. I'd imagine when the rainbow-chaser finally bests their rainbow, the charm flips to pot of gold as an achievement. Mayhaps they even get to literally take something the rainbow finds valuable, maybe it's just social clout. In this case, the ex-rainbow would become mad with rage; jealous, vindictive, and greedy, with the central goal of taking down the gold pot and regaining whatever the gold represents. Imagine if someone has something you want, so you try to get it from them however you can, through pranks, through tricks, through mind-games, through straight-up attacks. An example would actually be saturday morning cartoons and cereal commericials, in a leprechaun's eyes, the roadrunner and wile coyote, or bugs bunny and elmer fudd are committed gold pot charmmates, as are the kids and lucky the leprechaun. A common scenario in leprechaun romance could be the pairing of rainbows and pots of gold, with the chaser going after the rainbow not only to finally best them, but to win back the fated pot of gold and have the relationship flip roles.

Lastly, we come to the most fascinating element of leprechaun romance: the troves. Unlike humans, and trolls, a relationship can be defined by more than one emotion at once, even if they seem contradictory. Their union creates a unique relationship, with each of the charms representing certain aspects that the charmmates can shift between. As such, the leprechauns can (and ultimately desire to) share as many charms with their charmmate as possible. A leprechaun would look at a vaciliating troll relationship with confusion, why couldn't they be eachother's matesprits and moirails at the same time? Why must they flip between black and red if they can potentially harbor both feelings related to each quadrant with someone? The electicism and unpredictability is the point. In fact, a relationship often isn't taken seriously and isn't considered a trove unless it has at least three charms (three being the most common), with exotic charm combinations being the subject of much swooning. A one-or two charm relationship is often seen in the context of a crush, or a relationship just starting out, with the partners gaining and discovering more charms as the relationship develops and the nuances reveal themselves. (I doubt though, that the order the charms are displayed in matters, unless it represents how prominent a certain aspect is). And as Aranea said, though some charm combinations are more conducive to reproduction, all charm combinations are capable of lending themselves to concupiscity. A dance solictiation is mainly focused on one charm at a time, depending on the partners' moods, though it can easily switch charms in the middle of the dance.

Now, armed with knowledge, let us tackle this:

It looks like the felt are getting to know eachother, how sweet! let's take a look:

matchsticks and crowbar are in moons-stars, U <X, characterized by both extreme admiration and fated importance. Wait, didn’t crowbar say he “didn’t do moons”? What the hell happened here?!

Itchy and die are in horseshoes-pot of gold , C¦ C]: which considering itchy's snarky irritability, and die's ... weird ... die-ness, feels appropriate. Maybe itchy is the gold pot and the kicker

doze and clover are in balloons-rainbows, O< ((( doze is probably working very hard to try and catch up with clover's luck and speed, with plenty of lighthearted pranks on behalf of clover along the way.

And trace and fin are in hearts and diamonds, <3 <> a mix of matespritship and moirallegiance (our two sharkbois are in love, nepeta would have a field day)

Horshoe-balloon-pot o gold. C¦ O< C]: , That's kinky pranks with a greedy chase undertone. Oh gosh, clover's a real masochist. And it looks like, considering we have two forms of malevrom paired with horseshoes, my theory actually fits quite well with this apparently being a pretty kinky trove.

Oh boy, chaotic. It's hard to tell who's feeling what for whom, but we can pick out some particular troves.

die: moon-horseshoe-clover, rainbow-heart-balloon

eggs 1 and 2: hearts-balloons-pot o gold, diamonds-rainbows-star, star-shamrock-moon, diamonds-rainbows-stars

biscuits: rainbow-heart-balloon, star-shamrock-moon

clover: moon-horseshoe-shamrock, pot o gold-diamond-horseshoe

Now, if we pair the leprechauns with the same troves, we get

die x biscuits, rainbow-heart-balloon, ((( <3 O<, a loving yet adversarial, prank-based relationship between rivals

eggs x eggs, diamonds-rainbows-stars, <> ((( <X, emotional moderation but based in asymetric competition and deep respect (seems fitting for a relationship between you and your future/past self)

eggs x biscuits, star-shamrock-moon, <X 88 U, deep respect, admiration, and a sense of the other's great luckbringing and fated importance. Considering these two are almost always seen with eachother, I'd say they're going pretty strong

Lastly, let's leprechaun ship the kids. Rose and Kanaya are a very strong example of hearts-moons. They're in love, yes. But there was always that intellectual intrigue, that admiration, that sense of fate and destiny that permeated the relationship ever since they first met (along with a lot of light iconography). Terezi's trolling would be interpreted as a balloon solictation to most leprechauns. Nepeta and equius could be a diamonds-shamrock, as they are moirails, yes, but equius also deeply values nepeta as someone he is lucky to have, also seeing nepeta as lucky to have him, and he tries to keep her around him and prevent her from joining the red team, being quite possessive of her. And again, the reason Equius let Gamzee kill him and was smiling is because he had a major thing for horseshoes (horse guy, submits to highbloods, into AEA, makes sense)

If anyone else has some conflicting theories or other examples of leprechaun-romance heavy panels, I'd love to see it, feel free to ask away. Hope y'all enjoy

[strifeabscond]

i had a dream last night where there was a tiny andrew hussie and they got violently pelted by a meat tenderizer it was horrifying

[knife-moth-mc]

a non-comprehensive but pretty long list of specific things about the baby is you that i think are good or make it good art in some way

The specificity of “what the fuck are you doing on the ground writhing in pain”. I feel like a more normal thing to say would be something like “Are you okay???” It’s very This Gun That I Have In My Right Hand Is Loaded

The layered voices when dave denies being pregnant

The fact that john’s immediate next question after “who’s the father?’ is “who’s the baby?” as if that’s in any way a question that makes sense

Woooooo….. police sirens police sirens…… wooooooo……

John meowing fully unprompted

The extremely Homestuck-specific euphemisms throughout

“I’m not even born yet, that’s not fair!”

Karkat showing up out of absolutely nowhere

Karkat voice “I must be the…. mmmmmidwife.”

Karkat immediately interrupting the unfolding baby situation to sing a little song about his hatecrush on john

Rose’s VA’s ooc lines just kind of thrown in there at what initially seems like random but if you pay attention it makes a certain kind of rhythmic sense

The reveal that rose is pregnant being followed by a betrayed “Rose!” said by both dave and rose

“Suck that bitch’s dick!” “I’m going to—That’s not what I’m doing! That’s the opposite of what I’m doing!”

Hearts. And minds. And souls. And hearts.

The genuinely catchy sung section of the rose rap

The slant rhyme of serengeti with spaghetti

Dave basically turning to the camera to say “incest is bad” before immediately proposing to his sister

The pathos of rose’s confession that she lied about being pregnant, followed by dave’s extremely flat, emotionless reassurance

“Being pregnant might be against the rules of the MSPA forum but shipping us together is not, for some reason”

Bro showing up to provide a new conflict now that all the rose stuff is resolved

The conflict being specifically that he wants to eat babies

“He’s never tried to eat my babies before” implying that there were previous babies

Bro’s forbidden technique being just “words that rhyme with themselves” and then him almost instantly fucking it up

“Actually, a fight sequence was entirely unnecessary, so it was deleted, and what happens is that in the end, it turns out Bro was a robot, I mean… it was just complex, given the fact that this is a normally simple story about, you know, like a thirteen year old boy giving birth to his bre—best friend. It didn’t fit the archetypes, so I’m going to move on to the next song, and you can just… chillax a little bit.”

KC Green (the guy who made This Is Fine and I Guess and a bunch of other well-known images used as memes) being there completely unexplained to lead a sing-along. Like it makes sense historically but in the album itself it just kinda happens

Andrew hussie being directly addressed by name just to really drill in the fact that this is pointed commentary

The very confident implication that babies are a different species entirely

compiled because @420technoblazeit doesn't know how to appreciate this masterpiece

[strawberrynightmere]

Hi! Can I make a request? I simply loved the fanfic you made of Andrew and Ashley as cats! I think it would be very comical to live with these two as cats, can I ask you for a sequel? Like with Andrew suffering from love for the reader and also with his yandere tendencies to keep every man away from the reader?

Ask and you shall receive.

Also, I appreciate that there are people interested my work

Bad Cats!!! [Part 2]

Warning ⚠️ : yandere tendencies and such, reader has bad memory i guess, I don't know how to put up warnings, so read at your own risk

A/n: Sorry, it wasn't exactly what you expected it to be.

🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸

Finishing the project that your incompetent boss pushed onto you, press save and close your work laptop, and you stretch to relive your aching muscles.

"Meow!" Oops. You accidentally woke up Andrew, but he didn't jump off your lap like any normal cat. He just continued cuddling up to you. Andrew was not a normal cat, personality-wise. Where Ashley was the classic feral street cat that turned into those stereotypical house cats.

Lately, you've been having a reoccurring dream about being in an embrace of a guy with black hair and green eyes whispering something that you can't really remember. Something about him felt familiar, but you couldn't really figure out what.

When you told Nina about this, the only thing she said was; "He sounds hot. Maybe that's your soulmate." Why you still confide in her is a whole other mystery. However, when you told Julia about your reoccurring dream, she said, "It's weird that you remember it in detail." And that's true, you don't remember most of your dreams, but when you do, it's always blurry.

Well, whatever. you have chores to do, and you can't procrastinate. Carefully taking Andrew off of your lap and got to work. Funny enough, neither Ashley nor Andrew reacted to the vacuum. They just left the room.

Those two are such strange cats.

Once you finished the chores, you were about to make dinner, but it seemed that you were missing a few ingredients, which was weird because you were sure there was enough from yesterday.

Oh, well. It's time to buy more. Before you head out the door, you announce to the cats that you'll be out for a bit. You lock the door and leave to the supermarket.

🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸

Now, it was just Andrew and Ashley left there. Neither of them changed from their cat forms, but you could see the look Andrew was giving Ashley.

"What?" She asked, there was no answer. "If she didn't want anyone to eat it, she should've put a sign or something."

"She already thinks we're strange. She doesn't need to know that one of us turns human just to raid her fridge while she's sleeping." Andrew decided to break his judgmental silence, and that was pretty hypocritical of him considering what he dose.

Ashley rolled her eyes at her brother. She didn't find this to be a big deal. Besides, you weren't suspicious of anything. But it seemed that that wasn't the reason for his grumpy attitude.

And Ashley noticed that.

"Listen, if you're still hung up on the fact that she might find someone and metaphorically ride into the sunset with them. Why don't you just... "Tie her down to you."...?" Andrew continued to stare at her blankly.

That was kind of irritating her.

"God! Do I have to spell it out for you? Get. Her. Pregnant!"

Andrew was shocked, to say the least.

Ashley decides to defend her answer. "I mean, if you don't want those hussies taking her, that is."

🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸

That was a stupid idea, Andrew shook his head and left. Ashley rolled her eyes again at his "dramatic" behavior.

What kind of situation would he be put in to make that kind of decision?

It was a crazy idea.

He's better than that.

Is he, though?

A/n: I could've done better than that, but I hope you enjoyed it.

[coff-in]

YES! I SEE YOU’RE DOING AND TAKING REQS AGAIN!!!

Reader who is constantly zoning out 25/8 head cannons. Doesn’t matter if they’re eating, drinking, bathing, walking or working; they’re always daydreaming in their head. Constantly running into things or tripping because they’re too preoccupied in their head. They daydream a lot to where sometimes they reenact their thoughts or speak to nobody in particular. Their S/O always has to bring them back or navigate them so they don’t accidentally hurt themselves.

Reader can be G/N, or female if it’s necessary for a gender. I’d like Andrew to be the S/O, but you can throw Ashley in the mix too (separately or together) if you want. I won’t throw shade.

TYYYYY!!!!

notes from coff-in: i've been meaning to answer the asks in my inbox for weeks now, but every time i tell myself 'i should answer asks' i suddenly find myself not doing it. like the more i think about doing something the longer it takes for me to do it. eventually i just sort of stop thinking about it and get focused on other work and then open my inbox and go 'yeah i'll answer these now :)' like i haven't been gone for a month or so. is this normal? the same thing happens when i think about soaking my mushroom log or taking my pills or even when i was younger and had to wear my retainer, i think 'i'll do it later' and then i never do it. i'll think 'i should do it sometime today' and then i never do it. why do i do that? sorry about that, in other news: i have started playing roblox and i like sebastian solace from pressure. big fish :3

[gender neutral] reader-insert

[reader] is so me fr fr. 'maladaptive daydreaming' you mean... uh normal behavior... gottem. i appreciate that you said 's/o' because i've been meaning to write for julia for a while (hussies unite or smth).

andrew would find [reader]'s daydreaming endearing, but would see it as a hassle to deal with often. he's constantly nudging you and gently shaking you to get your attention. he'd also tease you about running into objects and scold you for not paying attention. protective instincts kinda kick in for him :') he does wish you paid more attention to your surroundings and school ("i'm not going to be able to help you with your homework forever," he tells you while doing your homework)

ashley would definitely be annoyed. you should be paying attention to her! she's YOUR girlfriend, asshole! you would need to repeatedly (hourly, even) tell her that you do love her, you are trying to pay attention to her, etc etc. i don't think a maladaptive daydreamer would pair all too well with ashley. maybe.... she would feel comforted that you sorta act the same with others, spaced out and unfocused, but there's always that worry in her that someone else will snap you out of your haze and take your attention away. hang out with ashley, she's just a girl who's fun and whimsical, give her all your attention. do it. DO IT-- (she will laugh at you if you trip on something)

julia :3 i think julia wouldn't mind [reader] constantly zoning out. julia is (as far as we've seen, mind you!!) such a sweet and gentle girl, i honestly think you and her would work out very well. she's gemtly holding your arm or hand and swerving you away from poles and potholes. she taps you so you can focus on your work and if you wanna veg out next to her, she doesn't mind that. love that emo girl

----

coff-in

is it a certified coff-in post if i don't rant/vent in the opening notes? anyways please ask me about my opinions on pressure, it's infecting my brain :3

[dingodad]

if 50% of homestuck fans dont find it funny that trolls eat babies is it possible even andrew hussie didn't find baby cannibalism to be funny. is that why all the references to baby cannibalism in homestuck are so understated. is that why the "jadebloods developed vampirism to survive in the caverns" subtext is there but the "they drink baby blood" payoff is never said out loud

[spahhzy]

Free as can be~

Ashley sighed into her sleeve for what seemed to be the umpteenth time, causing Andrew to look down from his book he was reading.

"You okay Ash?" He asked, shifting himself to next to his sister.

"Just bored..." Ashley said with a pout, and Andrew rolled his eyes.

"What? You mean living motel to motel on the run from law enforcement, cults, and an organ harvesting firm isn't exciting enough for you, " He said sarcastically as Ashley tossed a pillow at his face.

"Nope," she said, giggling before suddenly her stomach growled.

"You should probably go get something from the vending machine, Ashley." Said Andrew, which cause Ashley to grumble.

"I don't want no stupid cookie again... let's go out to eat! " Said Ashley with enthusiasm rising up and standing on the bed.

"No"

"Wah, oh come on, Andy, I know for a fact you have gotten sick and tired of cookies by now," Ashley argued back.

"What part of 'on the run' did you not understand?" He countered, and Ashley huffed before crossing her arms.

"We're only on the run cause you keep killing people," She said as Andrew breathed deeply, knowing his sister is right and wrong in what she said.

"But that doesn't mean we can't go and eat nice every once and a while" She complained.

"Ashley, it was just last week that I took you to a restaurant, and you almost stuck a fork down our waitresses' throat." Andrew complained as Ashley looked at him with a surprise look.

"That hussy was undressing you with her eyes. You could have gotten sick!" Ashley explained. 'Only I can do that!' Is what she wanted to add as well.

"Yeah, well, what's to say you won't do that at another restaurant, Leyley?" Andrew questioned, and Leyley held a hand over her heart.

"I promise to be on my best behavior...scouts honor"

"You were never a scout, Ashley..." said Andrew as he got up from the bed.

"And for good reason, you'd probably murder the camp counselor if they tried to touch me," She said, and Andrew knew she was right, he probably murder anyone their that tried to take his leyley from him.

"Fuck it, why not we'll go to a Benny's Diner how about that?" Ashley cheered jumping on the bed like she was a child.

"Yes, food! Actual none vending machine food!" She said and Andrew just smiled before tossing a pillow at her head causing her to fall off the bed.

"Get dressed dumbass"

-

Andrew looked out the dinner window as Ashley was eating happily away at her meal.

Across the street from him was a bar, he was assuming it was some sort of biker bar with how many motorcycles there were.

Motorcycles...

Looking at the machines, Andrew minds began to slip into a memory of some simple times.

-

"Wow, Andy, I can't believe you blew some of your college money on this, Mom's going to be pissed," said Ashley as she walked around a nice black motorcycle.

"I make enough to put it back Ashley, sides since when did you care about what mom thinks?" Andrew said as he cleaned off the bike a little.

"I don't, just surprised is all...my big Andy thinks he's so cool now, huh? " Teased Ashley as Andrew sat on the bike, ignoring her.

"Gonna attract all those whores to aren't you? Gonna have them ride along with you, hmm?" Ashley said with a hint of jealousy in her voice.

"That's going to be hard to do with you around," He said to her.

"Wow...tell me how you really feel?"

"Oh, leyley if I did, I'm almost certain I'd be in jail," Andrew teased back causing Ashely to blush and look away, not at all liking how her brother can sometimes...sometimes push her buttons, suddenly the bike road to life as Andrew revved it a couple times.

Enjoying the noise it made.

Ashley shook her head, finding truth in the saying 'boys will be boys' and looking at Andrew's smiling face, butterflies began dancing in her stomach.

"Catch."

Ashley snapped out of her stupor as Andrew tossed a helmet into her direction.

"Wuh?"

"Come on, leyley, it will be just like old times on the bicycle we had remember?" She must have remembered.

Their folks got him a bicycle for his tenth birthday. Ashley didn't get a bicycle, just coloring books, so on her birthday, he stole pegs off the other kids' bike and attached it to his bike so that Ashley could always ride with him.

It was the best gift Ashley got on that day, being able to ride free with her big brother and it was a great gift for them both as It was one of the rare instances in their childhood where they could just enjoy being kids.

Andrew never forgot the big smile Ashley had that day of being able to ride on a motorcycle with him.

-

Andrew sighed, which caused Ashley to stop her rampant chewing, looking at Andrew. Ashley reached over with her fork and poked him.

"What's wrong, Andy?" She said with a mouthful, and Andrew bonked her on the head.

"I didn't need to see your mouthful," He said to her. Ashley giggled before swallowing.

"I'm sure you love seeing me swallow something else" She wiggled her eyebrows at him and Andrew almost snorted out his coffee he was drinking.

"Still...what is on your mind?" She asked, setting her fork down and taking a sip of her soda.

"Just reminiscent, I guess..." He confessed to her as he returned his gaze back to her.

"Ooh are you reminiscing about my fat fucking tits again?" this time Andrew choked on his coffee and began coughing and blushing as Ashley laughed causing the other occupants to look at the pair strangely.

Andrew tossed a piece of toast at his sister's head.

"Hey! That's perfectly good toast!"

-

The pair had finished their food without a hitch, and they swiftly left the diner after paying.

Now, it was time for a short walk back to the motel.

They proceeded past the bar where the group of bikers were, and as they proceeded to walk on by one biker in particular decided to try his luck.

"Hey sweetie, why don't you come over here and get the ride of a lifetime?" He said to her. Ashley just ignored him, giving him the middle finger, but Andrew, on the other hand, was silently fuming at how these bikers were looking and leering at his leyley...

"Lookie that boys, she's a real fiesty one, huh?" The leader said, earning a laugh from the rest of the gang. Andrew clenched his fist and gritted his teeth, Ashley sensing this took his arm and hugged it as they both walked past the biker.

"Hey, when you're done with the stooge, I'll ne waiting for you, Lil lady," said the leader as they Andrew and Ashley both rounded a corner out of sight.

-

Nothing was said as they made their way back to their motel, Ashley was a bit worried at seeing Andrew upset, but also...kinda liked how possessive he was.

Giving out a yawn, the food now giving her the sleepies.

"Get some rest, Ashley," Andrew said as he walked over and put a blanket over her.

"You...coming too...bed too?" She said, trying to stay awake, and Andrew just chuckled.

"After I clean up some stuff around the room, not really tired yet," He told her as Ashley violet eyes drooped more and more.

"Mmkay...love you," She said before finally she was out like a light.

"..." Andrew bent down before placing a kiss on her forehead as he looked at her calm expression.

He sat back down on the couch and waited a good whole hour to make sure Ashley was still asleep as he suddenly sat up from his couch, went into the kitchen, and procured his cleaver. Grabbing his jacket and stuffing the cleaver in his back pants pocket, he opened the door before stepping out into the darkness, giving one last look at Ashley before quietly closing the door.

-

"Man, did you see the tits on the dark-haired girl...what I would do that woman," said the sleazy biker as all his friends laughed and cheered him on.

"Alright, gang, I'm heading out. Don't cause too much of a ruckus," laughed the leader as he started his bike, the exhaust garbling loudly as the group cheered and said their goodbyes.

The biker drove for what was about five minutes when, out of the corner of his eye, he saw that same dude that was with that beautiful woman earlier leaving the diner.

That man was Andrew, and he was leaning against the wall next to a dark alley smoking a cigarette.

Pulling over to the curb, shutting off his bike and pocketing his keys in his black stained vest, he leaned on the same wall right next to Andrew.

"Hey buddy, so tell me, how's that hot piece of ass been treating you?" He asked Andrew said nothing as he smoked his cigarette.

"I'm sure she's a real freak in bed to ain't she" It took all of Andrew will power not to grab the man's throat and tear it out.

"Hey, I have an idea... Why not let me have a crack at her? I'll pay you for it, hmm?" He asked, and Andrew was inches away from slicing his throat.

"How much are you paying?" Andrew asked, hating himself for saying those words, but if everything worked out, then he would do what he needed to do.

"For a glorious pieace of ass like that, all the money that's in my pocket which is..." The man patted himself from pants pockets to vest pockets before finally procuring money.

"$777.77" He told him with a sick grin on his face, Andrew looked at the money as he looked like he was considering the offer.

"Let's talk about this more... discreetly," He said, making a motion to the dark alley as the sleazy biker grinned, thinking he was going to get his dick wet tonight.

Walking like he won the lottery, he entered into the alleyway, Andrew not too far behind as his green eyes glared balefully at him as he reached behind and grabbed his cleaver.

"Alright, let's dis -" he was cut off real quick as sharp steal found itself ingrained into his face, the biker could only gargle as Andrew gripped at the cleaver hard and ripped it from his face.

"As if someone like you will ever touch my leyley... see you in hell, " He said as he began relentlessly hitting the man's head with the cleaver over and over.

Andrew, finally out of his rage, looked at his work. He sighed, another body to his name. This one, though, was like that warden...another sleaze and one that he was happy to kill.

But now it was time to clean up. Luckily, he brought some gloves.

It took him less than a half hour to chop away at the body before throwing it into the dumpster.

Finally, it was time to just throw the clothes out, too, as he grabbed the bikers' vest, a key fell out and onto the floor. Inspecting it, he took a look at the end of the entrance of the alley to see the dead bikers motorcycle.

Andrew smiled.

-

Ashley awoke to the sound of the TV playing in the background. She looked at the time on the alarm clock.

10:00pm.

"Andrew?"

Silence.

Looking around the room, She called out again.

"Andrew!"

Nothing.

Panic began to set in as a million thoughts went through her head.

'Was he taken?'

'Was he killed?'

'Did some floozy seduce him?'

'Did he....leave me?'

And before she could answer any of those questions, she heard the loud rumbling a bike make its way into the parking lot of the motel as she suddenly realized that Andrew went out to go fight that biker for how he talked to her.

While she would be swooning over the fact that her Andy was fighting for her honor, she had realized that Andrew was one man, and he couldn't just take on a small gaggle of bikers and if one was here that meant...

"No! Don't think such thoughts... just go and interrogate this stupid biker and find out where your Andy is, " She said to herself, going under her bed, pulling out her revolver. She stormed the front door, ripping it open and aimed the gun at the biker.

"You better tell me where my fucking Andy is you bastard!" She shouted as the biker quickly held his hands up.

"Ashley what the fuck!?" Came the voice inside the helmet, Ashley was so close to pulling the trigger and blowing this fuckers brains out when suddenly the man took the helmet off revealing.

"Waaaaah Annnndy!?" said Ashley as she tossed the gun back inside before running up to him as Andrew caught her in a hug and spun her around.

"I'm not going to ask what the whole gun thing was," Andrew said to her as Ashley nuzzled her face into his chest, relishing I'm his warmth.

"I...I thought I lost you to those stupid bikers," Ashley mumbled, and Andrew shook his head.

"No, leyley, I wouldn't dare leave you." He told her in earnest as he suddenly stepped to the side.

"So... like it?" He asked her, and she looked at the bike and then back to him.

"How did you get this?" She asked, eyeing him suspiciously, and Andrew just whistled but was slapped on the shoulder.

"What it was Free nighty nine!" He said with a serious face, and Ashley just looked at him with an expression that said 'really?'.

"Okay, it was a generous donation," He said to her, putting a hand on his heart when he said that.

"Did you kill that man?" Ashley asked.

Andrew remained silent.

"Annnnnndyyyyy"

"Whaaaat! Since when were you the moral compass!" Complained Andrew much to Ashley's joy.

"I'm not, now you know how I feel when I have to deal with you"

"Oh go fuck yourself"

"Come fuck me yourself coward!"

Andrew just sputtered and blushed, not wanting to continue.

Ashley looked over the bike before sitting down on it.

"Very nice, hey, this reminds me of your old bike you had before our folks sold it off!" She told him as she started to reminisce about all the places Andrew had taken her to.

Andrew let her talk as he went behind her and pulled out another helmet.

"Hey Ash"

"Hmm?"

"Catch!"

Ashley caught the helmet and looked at Andrew who just smiled.

"What do you say, leyley? Shall we ride again like old times?"

Ashley smile was very bright even in the dark of night.

Starting up the bike, Ashely sat behind Andrew before straping on the helmet. She wrapped her arms around Andrew's chest.

Carefully and slowly, they both drove around the parking lot before Andrew finally decided to go onto the main road. Looking behind him, Ashley nodded to him, ready to go.

Putting throttle, the bike glided smoothly on the open pavement as the exhaust reverberated off the city walls.

Ashley laughed in happiness as she felt nostalgia and warmth over take her while also enjoying the freedom and closeness with the man she loved.

Andrew was content, regardless of his situation. As long as his Leyley was happy, nothing else mattered.

The two sailed into the darkness, free as can be.

[rockkal]

HOMESTUCK BEYOND CANON NEXT UPD8(s) PREDICTIONS (I'm delusional, btw) /SHITPOST

We get to see Jack Noir be a pathetic little meow meow and has depression because he's too busy working at the mine coal to see his wife

The Felt come into the screen, also somehow snowman, and they all say "We voted for Obama" (this is very important homestuck lore, btw)

Brand new character called HEROIN ADDICT is introduced. Son of Karkat and Dave. Has a brother named John Egbert Strider Vantas

Clover flirts with Jane and gets sent to the weed dungeon. And not like the good weed. I mean like the weed that really feels like shit

Jake becomes new leader of the Felt and Crowbar becomes his dad (Crowbar dad AU, write that down, it'll be on the test)

We get to see Death, the character, talk with ULT Dirk and he brang along the Midnight Crew, Mom Lalonde B1 and Dad egbert because he thinks they're cool (also, Mom Lalonde and Dad Egbert kiss a lot in death's office and have tea and buscuits with the Midnight Crew)

CALIBORN COMES FOR A SINGLE PANEL AND MAKES JUNE OFFICIALLY TRANS! BECAUSE HE HATES JUNE AND HE HATES WOMEN SO HE COMBINES THE TWO THINGS HE HATES INTO ONE (this is a joke, btw. I honestly want June's transitioning to be more in character then just the gremlin guy I like does it for me)

Ms Paint. becomes narrator of both Candy and Meat and it's just a podcast about different types of paint

Something related to The Midnight Crew's creator, Professor Mayasaka or however the fuck ya spell it, something translated into midnight. Whatever. I just wanna see the professor man come in and do something

JANE REVIVES AIMLESS RENEGADE SOMEHOW AND HE GOES GOD TIER! (His Classpect is Mage of Blood because I say so)

Sollux and Eridan kissing

B

Roxy breaks the fourth wall and says "it's Roxy Lalonding time" and Roxy Lalondes all over the place

A bucket appears and yeah

We see Andrew Hussie in a bath robe

Terezi manages to give back the legal rights to Beyond Canon back to their creators (sorry, I forgot your name, mister cool homestuck guy. I forget easily :'(]

Vriska dies. (I hate Vriska! (In a Kismesis way))

Equius comes back to say "I require horse" and then he gets prototyped with the universe frog

Matchsticks gets a personality and we learn he wants to become an actual fire fighter and save people since he was a kid

Stitch becomes hella cool by partnering with Kanaya to beat the shit out of Dirk

Rose just stays Rose because I forgot she existed

21 again but with Dave

June Egbert gets two new dads and they're Eggs and Biscuits from The Felt because it reminds her of her dead dad's cakes

Diamonds Droogs/Draconian Dignitary x Dad Crocker 20 hour oiled up make out session flash animation

Calliope has a child with Roxy. (comment what ya think they would be called)

Dirk eats a baby (it's John Egbert Strider Vantas)

AR gets to have a robo body and becomes friends with AR and Aradia and also Aranea is there to keep them in check and they call eachother the "AR squad", but Aranea is the out cast because she is blue

Eden Gardner (homestuck OC of @springselkie) gets a mention.

Monkeys become relevant to the plot

Jack Noir gets to show us his stabs

Bold Eagles are Aimless Renegade's second power, because he's the only AMERUCAN character in homestuck

Jake gets a beard and celebrates by showing us his level 100 GYAT

What Pumpkin office remains is an important location in the story

Mommy Condie comes back and marries Earth C's version of Colonel sassacres

Freddy Fazber, new character, literally the best. Hor hor hor hor.

Something related to drugs, I guess (I'm running out of ideas)

Fortnite becomes canon and everyone loves it

Deltarune reference

Jack Noir eats money and becomes lamborghini

Jack Noir villain arc where he and June kiss (their kismesis, it's ok. They want to kill eachother)

Rose's wifi is STILL shitty! COME ON, IT'S BEEN 10 YEARS, FIX YOUR INTERNET CONNECTION, GURL!

Kanaya gets to make something Lord English related

We see Doc Scratch because he's awesome

Wayward Vagabond comes back from the grave and does ANOTHER revolution against monerchy. He is truly the best diplomat.

MLP gets mentioned

Problem Sleuth shows up for 5 panels and then dies

Nepeta gets to kill Pickle Inspector

Eridan smokes weed

[S] Terezi: Do the mackarena

Weed chapter

Karkat gets a period cramp

Something something Lord English in black void, becomes normal Caliborn, being room mates with Equius, Gamzee and AR (auto-responder)

Free Bird fight sequence

Joe Biden gets a mention because he was probably in office before the clown fuckers took over D.C. Washington

Cockaine chapter

MSPA reader gets hella blazed and yeah

Caliborn kisses a rule 63 version of a Miku body pillow

Pic Yaoi sequence or smth

Sawbuck stays a fat fuck and eats the earth at the end

Itchy dies from tripping on a rock

Doze unslows himself and does a break dance

Trace and Fin make out session

Quarters gets to shoot ULT Dirk and is declared a war veteran

Bog from RHG shows up to eat a chocolate bar

I'm high

Ok, that was the end of this dumb shitpost. Hope ya got a kick out of it. Or not.

Wait

Shit

I should probably add an image so that I could look cool

Give me a sec

Yes, God of Yaoi.

Perfect for this.

See ya

[fefairys]

(context doesnt even matter this applies to like all of homestuck)

"...it's all a big mess, but it's all mutually dependant and important for tying certain things together. Imagine you're watching me make this huge, shitty stew, and you see me drop a big, ugly frog in the stew. And you're like, ew dude, why'd you put that frog in there? And I just say, without breaking my stirring rhythm, he's in there to eat all the flies I put in earlier. And you're like, ohhhh, wow, that DOES make sense. Then you turn and walk away, and a minute later it occurs to you to wonder why I put flies in the stew. But by then, you don't feel like asking, because you're pretty confident I've got an answer lined up for that one too, even if it's kind of dumb. Also, you've already walked for an entire minute, you don't care that much, and somewhere in the back of your mind you've lowkey decided you probably never want to speak to me again anyway. You know what? Fair." -Andrew Hussie

[bracketsoffear]

I was thinking of waiting for the Redemption tournament to end, but on second thought that deserves its own ask, so:

Do you have any thoughts on the Leitner Tourney winners? It doesn't matter if you haven't read them all yet, first impressions solely based on the summary/propaganda are good too. Just if you want to, of course.

(Thanks for answering my previous ask, btw!)

Buried: The Enigma of Amigara Fault by Junji Ito. I haven't read it, but based on everything I know about it, it definitely deserved to win.

Corruption: 'Ant Colony' by Alissa Nutting. I haven't read it, but yeah. That's one of the most Corruption things I've ever heard of.

Dark: 'The Haunter in the Dark' by H.P. Lovecraft. Have read it, definitely deserved this. Deeply unsettling

Desolation: 'I Have No Mouth and I Must Scream' by Harlan Ellison. Haven't read it. Don't think it deserved the win. It's a fucked up book, sure, but I think there's a better case to be made for Flesh, Extinction, maybe even Web, and definitely 'Other'. I think 'The Monkey's Paw', ASOUE, Fahrenheit 451, and Count of Monte Cristo all had stronger Desolation vibes.

End: Shadows from the Wall of Death by Robert Kedzie. Haven't read it (obviously), but yeah that 1000% deserved the win. It's a book that can kill you irl.

Extinction: When the Wind Blows by Raymond Briggs. Haven't read it. Conflicted on this one. Atom bombs are obviously relevant to the end of humanity, but I can't help but feel that the win should've gone to one of the ones dealing with That Which Come After Us, like All Tomorrows or Man After Man. This one has Desolation vibes mixed in.

Eye: The Panopticon Writings by Jeremy Bentham. Have read excerpts, but not the whole book. Largely neutral. I think it's a valid choice, it's just a bit obvious. Out of the final three, it was my favorite, but I would've preferred The Watchers.

Flesh: Tender is the Flesh by Agustina Bazterrica. Have not read it, but my cannibalism-obsessed friend considered it to be very underwhelming, derivative, and basically the worst book on the list* and I trust her opinions on such things. Also I fucking love studying 'You Are What You (M)eat' so I have beef with those results, if you'll pardon the pun. I think Glyceride deserved to carry the day on that one.

*do not come for me on this. I'm just passing on the message.

Hunt: The Most Dangerous Game by Richard Connell. Haven't read it, but I've read enough works inspired by it to be familiar with the work. Yeah, definitely deserved.

Lonely: 'The Nature of Love' by Harry F. Harlow. Haven't read, but have read summaries and analyses for a Comms class. Definitely deserved, I love it when nonfiction wins.

Slaughter: All Quiet on the Western Front by Erich Maria Remarque. Haven't read it, but I know it deserved it as such a prominent piece of war literature. Wouldn't have been mad if the Iliad beat it, though.

Spiral: Uzumaki by Junji Ito. Haven't read it. It was a strong contender, I'm not mad about it winning, but I'd have gone for The Yellow Wallpaper.

Stranger: Who Goes There? by John W. Campbell. Haven't read it, but watched the film. I'm not surprised or upset that it won, but I'd have gone for Everyman.

Vast: 'Kaleidoscope' by Ray Bradbury. Haven't read it but based on description alone, it definitely deserved the win. Wish I'd put 'The Nothing Equation' on the other side of the bracket, though. That would've been a kickass final match.

Web: Curtain by Agatha Christie. Have read and enjoyed it, but I think 'The Spider and the Fly' should've beat it.

Other: Homestuck by Andrew Hussie. Read a few chapters to impress a friend I had a crush on, got bored, stopped. I can't argue it's a bad choice, but I cannot stress enough how salty I am that The Crooked World didn't make it through. Still my all-time Doctor Who novel, and I'm convinced that Homestuck won mainly due to its popularity and memeworthiness. Should I be putting so much of my hopes and dreams on out-of-print sci-fi tie-in novels from the early '00s to win? Probably not. Am I going to anyway? Yes.

Winner's Bracket: Uzumaki. Definitely not the one I'd have picked. Partly this is due to not wanting the same fear to keep winning all the time, which is definitely a personal issue, and partly this is due to the presence of The Book That Can Really Kill You To Death For Reals in the End slot which I'm honestly shocked went out so early.

[legallypumpkinn]

In homestuck, numerous classification systems are introduced which have been utilized for wonderful fan creations, as they allow a neat way to both see yourself in this world, and to understand yourself much deeper. One system which is often overlooked, however, is the Vriskale - a series of opinions on the character Vriska Serket, regarding a phenomena known as ‘Vriskourse’. Each fan of the series holds exactly ONE of these opinions (no more, no less).

THE VRISKALE:

1. 'Vriska did nothing wrong' - Woefully misinformed. You committed the sin of ‘skipping to act five', and even after that you skipped through the 'boring parts. Or you just haven't actually read homestuck, and all of your knowledge instead comes from memes surrounding the series.

2. 'Vriska is a morally ambiguous character at best and we should not categorize these characters by whether they are 'good' nor 'evil' but rather the quality of their characterization itself' - Wow based!! (vou either kin her or you act like an eighth grade english teacher when it comes to this series).

3. 'Vriska did EVERYTHING wrong she ATE my GRANDMA and I HATE HER!!!!!!! GRAHHHH' - Also woefully misinformed. She did not eat your grandma (that was me :3).

4. 'I do not care whether or not she is morally reprehensible. Rather, hummina hummina hummina bazooooooooing! *eyes pop out* ARO000000OGA! *jaw drops tongue rolls out* WOOF WOOF’ - You are Andrew Hussie.

[carcinocommander]

oh, so you like homestuck? name every homestuck character

JUNE EGBERT, DAVE STRIDER, LIL CAL, JADE HARLEY, ROSE LALONDE, DAD EGBERT, BRO STRIDER, GRANDPA HARLEY, MOM LALONDE, JANE CROCKER, DIRK STRIDER, LIL HAL, JAKE ENGLISH, ROXY LALONDE, GRANDMA JUNE/JUNE CROCKER, ALPHA DAVE STRIDER, JADE ENGLISH, ALPHA ROSE LALONDA(?), JANE EGBERT, JASPERS, BECQUAREL, CASEY, SQUAREWAVE, SAWTOOTH, BROBOT, LIL SEBASTIAN, LORD ENGLISH ROBOT, HALLEY, VODKA MUTINI, SERENITY, MAPLEHOOF, COLONEL SASSACRE, RAMBUNCTIOUS CROW, GOD CAT,

ARADIA MEGIDO, TAVROS NITRAM, SOLLUX CAPTOR, KARKAT VANTAS, NEPETA LEIJON, KANAYA MARYAM, TEREZI PYROPE, VRISKA SERKET, EQUIUS ZAHHAK, GAMZEE MAKARA, ERIDAN AMPORA, FEFERI PEIXES, DAMARA MEGIDO, RUFIOH NITRAM, MITUNA CAPTOR, KANKRI VANTAS, MEULIN LEIJON, PORRIM MARYAM, LATULA PYROPE, ARANEA SERKET, HORRUS ZAHHAK, KURLOZ MAKARA, CRONUS AMPORA, MEENAH PEIXES, THE HANDMAID, THE SUMMONER, THE ΨIIONIIC, THE SIGNLESS, THE DISCIPLE, THE DOLOROSA, NEOPHYTE REDGLARE, MINDFANG, E%ECUTOR DARKLEER, THE GRAND HIGHBLOOD, ORPHANER DUELSCAR, THE CONDENSE, RUFIO, HIS HONORABLE TYRANNY,

ARADIA'S RAM LUSUS, TINKERBELL, BICYCLOPS, CRABDAD, POUNCE, VIRGIN MOTHER GRUB, TEREZI'S DRAGON LUSUS, SPIDERMOM, AURTHUR, SEA-GOAT/GOATDAD, SKYHORSE, GL'BGOLYB

SPADES SLICK/JACK NOIR, DIAMONDS DROOG/DRACONIAN DIGNITARY, HEARTS BOXCARS/HEGEMONIC BRUTE, CLUBS DEUCE/COURTYARD DROLL, BLACK KING, BLACK QUEEN, WHITE KING, WHITE QUEEN, SNOWMAN, MS. PAINT, THE MAYOR/WAYWARD VAGABOND, PEREGRINE MENDICANT, AIMLESS RENEGADE, WINDSWEPT QUESTANT, WRIT KEEPER,

CALIBORN, CALLIOPE, ALTNERNATE CALLIOPE, LORD ENGLISH,

DOC SCRATCH, ITCHY, DOZE, TRACE, CLOVER, FIN, DIE, CROWBAR, STITCH, SAWBUCK, MATCHSTICKS, EGGS, BISCUITS, QUARTERS, CANS,

GUY FIERI, INSANE CLOWN POSSE, BARACK OBAMA, ANDREW HUSSIE, CHARLES DUTTON, MSPA READER, GENESIS FROG, HORRORTERRORS, FLUTHLU, NRUB'YIGLITH, OGLOGOTH, NICOLAS CAGE,

HARLEQUINESPRITE, NANNASPRITE, JASPERSPRITE, CROWSPRITE, CALSPRITE, DAVESPRITE, NEPETASPRITE, DAVEPETASPRITE^2, BECSPRITE, JADESPRITE, TAVRISPRITE, TAVROSPRITE, GCATAVROSPRITE, FEFETASPRITE, ROSESPRITE, JASPROSESPRITE^2, EQUIUSPRITE, ARQUIUSPRITE, ERISOLSPRITE, ARADIASPRITE, TINKERSPRITE, BICYSPRITE, CRABSPRITE, POUNCESPRITE, MOTHERSPRITE, GRAGONSPRITE, SPIDERSPRITE, AURTHURSPRITE, GOATSPRITE, SEAHORSESPRITE, GL'BGOLYBSPRITE,

SOBBING CRYING CRASHING ONTO THE GROUND CURLING UP INTO A BALL,

TYPHEUS, CETUS, HEPHAESTUS, ECHIDNA, HEMERA, NIX, ABRAXAS, YALDABAOTH,

AND THAT'S IT.

AND IF I MISSED ONE? FUCK YOU, NO I DIDN'T AND I'M NOT DOING THIS AGAIN. I'LL KILL YOU AND EAT YOU.

[deacblues]

do you think that the blue apple Egbert eats right before the meteor hits is like. some sort of metaphor? tree of knowledge type thing?

andrew hussie seemed to think so

[coffinscore]

"God your pathetic!" The black haired girl cried out laughing at the other sitting across from her "What the hell is wrong with you Andrew? We've been doing this for months now haven't you grown some balls yet~" Watching her partner in crime grimacing as he took a bite of their shared meal, another dead body, another piece of yummy meat to share~! Who could ever complain other than Andrew... "Swallow it or I'll be shoving the fork down your throat dear brother~!" This would usually sound like a form of teasing from any sane person if not for the fact knowing her she was serious completely serious, and prepared to hold down the larger of the two until he appreciated the meal in any way possible.

Getting up Ashley hit her hands on the table making a show out of her every movement; anything to keep the eyes of her beloved on her as she began to walk around the table. "Andy~" she cooed out as she wrapped her arms around the other's neck pressing the back of his head into her chest "You know she deserved it that hussie only had it coming! Whore's like that are good for nothing but their body you should be glad it's the closest you'd ever get to tasting her after she dumped your ass~" a shit eating grin on her face while she placed her hand over Andrew's mouth. She had broken him by now, She truly took pride in her work his dead eyes the way he refused to fight back anymore leaving him nobody except her. "Appreciate this taste it's the last woman you'll ever get to indulge in that isn't me" There was no saving these two anymore they were both too far gone two souls tar black doomed from birth "I love you Andy,, Now let's finish our meal~

[clay-pidgeon]

vriska + equius’ relationship (i say relationship bc its platonic but idk if i can call it friendship without adding 8+ disclaimers about alternian society) is genuinely so important to me. i need to talk about this more

vriska is the thief of light. she steals light/narrative relevancy for herself, creating darkness/irrelevancy for others in turn. she injures (UNDERSTATEMENT) both of the characters that equius is shown to give bodies/prosthetics for (INCLUDING HERSELF THRU KARMA BULLSHIT.) equius the heir of void is extremely important (something vriska craves) in the form of being part of le/doc scratch, 3/4 of the kids birthdays being in sagutarrius, + dirk being somewhat modeled off him iirc. probably more stuff. also the fact they both have the addiction is a powerful thing line and they both habitually break things. also they have opposite relationships with their lusus (READ THE VRISKY BUSINESS PARADOX SPACE COMIC) they are Parallels on some level its so interesting

and thats just like meta shit their ACTUAL RELATIONSHIP is fucking awesome. their thing is mainly about collabing on aradias soulbot but both of them plan to backstab the other and give it to aradia themself to uhhh get in her good graces i think? in their only 1on1 conversation as far as i know equius’s general tone comes off as…not PATRONIZING but the vibe that hes just entertaining her shit because means to an end shit is clear. he says “make them envy our nobility” implying that he thinks of vriska on some level in the same group as him. which is TRUE theyre neighbors and ceruleans and indigos are the only ones you can rly call highbloods and arent clearly classed somehwere else bc the other 3 highblood castes are clown gang and Fish. and equius openly doesnt rly like seadwellers

anyways back to their actual conversation equius clearly doesnt hold much AFFECTION for vriska but he does put up with her! they dont seem to actually like each other as much as theyre like. allies. means to an end. my weird neighbor whos kinda creepy but is too valuable to actually stop interacting with. vriska likes messing around with him but equius just goes “D—> Stop” and she does it! (also i just remembered that in one of the authors notes andrew hussie says its possible she has a crush on him in which is so fucking funny. irrelevant to this specific thing but holy SHIT thats fucking hilarious) in general equius goes “yeah. yeah. stop. sure” in RESPONSE to stuff vriska says, not reallt bringing up any topics of his own interest

except for at the end: he brings up that he built her metal arm, and vriska does her thing where her sentences look like algebra problems because of all the 8s in them where they shouldnt be, and on the next page vriska slaps herself using her robot arm, which is a one off gimmick but does that mean that equius can control her arm???? what the fuuuuck haha anyways vriska is obviously not a person who likes owing people stuff no shit sherlock.

vriska going to equius for her robot arm is also the main focus of “vrisky business” a paradox space comic thats fucking wonderful. i love it so much. vriska and equius’ relationship is much like the “8lah 8lah 8lah” “D—> Ok” one i mentioned in the last paragraph where equius is simply entertaining the whims of someone he views as lesser, but not lesser enough to be weird about it. vriska pretends she hasnt been mortally injured (saying she stubbed her arm and leg like one would a toe) but is also like a little vulnerable (possibly because of the Blood Loss) stating itd be nice to have a lusus like aurthor who actually serves equius and doesnt eat kids, being way more self deprecating than is decidedly Vriskesque, etc. equius says they dont have many interests in common and also that vriska is lesser than him. at the end, right after her aurthor comment, she admits shes jealous of him and collapses . this is a gross oversimplification read vrisky business here its so good (note this is the preview on the website theres like a continuation on imgur here but i didnt include that bc i just found out about it and didnt want to make this paragraph too long. its here tho its so good)

when arquius happens, vriska Very Obviously fucking LOVES the guy. she says this many many times in no uncertain terms: this guy is AWESOME and Team Vriska forever. which is fair shoutout to arquius. also its implied she has a crush on him which again. so funny. these two are great. not much to say here that i havent already so ill just say theyre awesome again

this post is too long for its own fucking good. tldr equius and vriska are so friends in such an interesting way and i love it

[coff-in]

HIII ITS ⭐️ ANON AGAIN!!!!

I'd like to request a Reader who is Ashleys twin x Ashley and Andrew were she's worse than Ashley (to an extent) like we're she'd basically bully Andrew but in a loving way y'know?

Ashley and Reader grew up differently, Reader was Non verbal for most of her life (only in child hood), she also was a bit more nicer and accepting but acts like Ashley when it comes to Andrew. Reader would have a bunch of friends but she counts Ashley has the bestest friend of them all

This is after the sacrifice. Readers gift is regeneration or super healing but comes with the cost of needing to eat human flesh or else she black out and devours someone even if it is her beloveds. Also she would say the most out of pocket stuff

For example were Andrew would TRY to assert dominance but would get absolutely flamed by reader, she'd say sum shit like "I am starting to think your not the top...your like at the way bottom, like your the dirt me and Ashley walk on."

Reader would also be a biter too. Andrew probably has a faint scar from her biting him.

SORRY IF THIS IS TOO MUCH 4 YOU

notes from coff-in: :( i'm sorry this took so long!! that's on me, sincerest apologies ⭐️ anon.

[fem] reader-insert, brief NSFW mention (the word sex comes up like twice), incest (due to the NSFW mention)

i remember jumping on top of this older guy in elementary school because i liked him and he told me off by saying "people don't bully the people they like." this is the same with [reader] and andrew except andrew lets it happen because he doesn't wanna deal with [reader] pitching a fit later at home when he denies her. [reader] biting is something he'd have to teach her how to curb, though, especially once they get older and people start getting the wrong ideas... he'd let her bite him at home though. ashley doesn't mind the biting at all and may even bite back. so what if people look at them weirdly? this is how they show love to each other! who cares what those fucking hussies and whores think anyway?

one thing ashley does mind is [reader]'s friends. there's a deep possessive jealousy that courses threw her when she sees [reader] with her friends. she'd tell [reader] that they only hang out with her because they're a bunch of fucking floozies that are using her! they don't care about her like leyley does or like andy does! and of course [reader] would listen to leyley, because she's her best-est friend, her #1!

andrew would get pissed off at [reader] back/shit talking. "you're the fucking dirt me and ashley walk on" and he'd just grasp her face like he did ashley on the bridge in decay and whisper to her "you wanna fucking try me?" god the hate sex would go crazy... the thing is, it might not even be hate sex per say. i doubt either of them genuinely hate each other but they just can't be honest about their feelings. andrew constantly denies and deflects his feelings while [reader] shows her attraction by bullying, belittling, or biting him. though if she's like ashley in the way she acts then she's pretty open with her attraction/attachment to andrew, maybe it's just her insecurity that flares up into violent aggression.

[reader]'s gift of regeneration would... be a bit of an issue. i think andrew would like to stop killing people if only because it could cause issues down the line if they get caught. i think ashley is all down for carving humans for dinner. there's definitely a small argument between them whether or not they continue their group cannibalism or they just kill for [reader]. i could even see them trying to make a deal with the entity to get rid of the "black out at eat the nearest human" part of the gift/curse if not all of it all together. like, sure it benefits them in the short term but what about after killing their parents and getting new IDs? it'd be kinda suspicious that these new neighbors just move in and then suddenly people start going missing. it depends on how often [reader] has to feed, too. maybe they could keep some (hu)meat in their freezer.

i wonder what andrew and ashley would taste like... i keep thinking salty. idk know why. maybe due to sweat or smth

----

coff-in