#easily one of the best characters but GOD her story is so dark and sad

[runawaycarouselhorse]

[flycasual]

First obnoxious OC post coming in hot (and dedicated to @sadetanssija, for your reading pleasure when you have time my dear) is the one and only: Phora. My love, my heart, my murder child.

This is going to be so long I am not sorry.

As I've mentioned previously, Phora is pretty much how I befriended my fiancé(e). I went to start RPing in the elder scrolls online after dropping out of the swtor RP community for like a year, rolled up my little street urchin that I had vaguely conceived of in Skyrim, and started putting her in situations. As one does. One of those first Situations I tried to put her in wound up being completely ignored by everyone both IC and OOC because everyone had gotten drunk (both IC and OOC, we were in voice chat). Everyone, that is, except one character and one person. Enter Forvyth Deravyn, and enter Ray. We fast became best friends after that, this was sometime in 2015, and we've not stopped writing together since.

So our journey begins in High Rock with my scrawny, malnourished little street urchin, 16 years old, stealing some money off of some drunk Imperial soldiers. Particularly the Centurion. As I said, none of them notice. Except the Centurion's Dunmer accountant. So Phora runs off, thinking she's gotten away with her really rather subpar pickpocketing, to use the money to buy the first warm meal she's had in a while. But before she can get far, she is cornered by this intimidating looking man with bright red eyes.

She's fucked, she thinks. This guy caught her. He's going to turn her in to the guards, or to the soldiers, and who knew what would happen then. She'd never been caught before, never been quite that bold before. Only he doesn't turn her in. He pulls her aside, chides her for relying on something like pickpocketing when she clearly doesn't have the talent for it, and offers her help. He didn't care that she'd stolen from Tyrrean Vanarius. He'd stolen from Tyrrean Vanarius. (Honestly, to this day we joke about how stealing from Tyrrean Vanarius was a rite of passage in the ESO EU RP community. He's very robbable.) But if she was going to steal, she should do better. Take things less easily missed, more easily misplaced, and be more cautious about it. In the future she was to bring those things to him, and he would pay her for them. Much safer for her, and much more stable than anything she'd had in her life. She agreed to try this, got her warm meal, and scampered off into the night. They do this little song and dance for a time. Phora collects small things people won't search for and brings them to Forvyth, Forvyth gives her a little money. Eventually Forvyth starts feeling like a real friend, the first person in the world to take a moment and show her some kindness, to help her. She hangs around him even when there is nothing for them to trade. At this point Ray informs me that if I want to, they have a really interesting plot we could take Phora down with Forvyth, but it will be rough. It will be sad. There's more to this than it seems. I of course say fuck yes. Thus begins the whirlwind story of Forvyth and Phora, to this day my favorite RP duo.

After a while Forvyth begins to "open up" to Phora. One day he comes to her and tells her the story of the lucky old lady and her children, and their god. This god, he explains, is the reason he has a family, and if she wanted, Phora could be part of that family too. A family was all Phora had ever wanted, with all of her being. She did not want to be alone. She wanted to belong and be loved. So, despite what would be asked of her, she agreed. The way Forvyth explained it had made it sound almost understandable. Sithis was their father, after all, and a father that missed his children. He only asked that some be returned to him sooner. She went with him, did what was asked of her, and joined the Dark Brotherhood. As a result, publicly, Forvyth basically adopted her and she went to live with him in his home in Wayrest.

It never fully sat right with her, but the Brotherhood gave her what she'd been desperate for all her life. Now she had friends, had a family, had a home. She convinced herself, deluded herself, that murdering people for the Dark Brotherhood was excusable, acceptable, because it was for Sithis, and he was god, and she was just sending their souls home. But it didn't stop her from asking questions of her new brothers and sisters, like what happens to the people we send to the Void? Are they happy? Are they at peace, at home? They never had satisfying answers for her.

(Art by @sbeep)

Forvyth was different in the Sanctuary. Colder, quieter. Not the man she thought she knew. When he requested to personally train her, the others were shocked he'd even spoken. But train her he did, and over time she became a fairly good assassin, and despite everything, grew to see Forvyth truly as her father. He taught her more than to kill. Taught her to read and write. To act, to put on a front. Some of it he taught unintentionally. In the end, despite this big family she'd sold her soul to gain, only he ever really felt like it. Even with him now colder and more distant, she loved him. She'd do anything for him. Which was why she felt so abandoned, so lost, when one day while she was out on a contract he disappeared. She returned to an empty home and a letter explaining his absence. Apologizing.

My Dear Daughter Phora. His intentions all along had been to destroy the Brotherhood, and he'd wanted help. An ally inside. That was what she'd been meant to be, that was all, but he couldn't do it to her. It was too late for him, but she could still leave and live the life he could not. Wherever life may take you next, may it be a brighter place than here.

-Forvyth Sailen

Only it was too late for her too. He was her family. Her only family. If he did this, they'd kill him, and she couldn't let that happen. She stayed as long as she could, hoping to find him before the Brotherhood could, or at the very least to be there when he struck and help him. But they knew he was a traitor, and as much as she played at feeling betrayed by him too, she knew they suspected her. How could they not? Eventually she ran.

Now here is where things begin to change, due to the nature of ever shifting MMO RP. The original plan was for Forvyth to die (Ray basically made him to be a boss), I figured Phora would die with him, or not long after, and that would be that. But like, we got attached, the group we were doing DB RP with partly fizzled out, so we kept them, and we changed things.

Forvyth tried to stay away for Phora's good, but he couldn't, and Phora wouldn't have let him. He would come back and then leave, and she would search for him. This took place over years. He would try to protect her from afar, feeling guilty for doing to her basically what had been done to him. When he was gone she ended up in other Situations, found new friends. One was a vigilante who taught her to be more than an assassin, how to truly fight, and defend others so she might be able to help her father like she wanted. When they parted ways she ended up working on a ship for a while, with some Totally Not Pirates, and found herself back in the Brotherhood's sights while there. She always tried to find that feeling of family, tried at least once to do what Forvyth asked and leave him behind. She came close, made friends that she loves very dearly, but she's never found family anywhere but with him. They would, both of them, do absolutely anything for each other.

We have since stopped doing MMO RP, but we still do Elder Scrolls RP exclusively with each other. We just have our own little Tamriel in our pockets where we write whatever the fuck we want and in it these two are together again. Phora's determined to see it stay that way this time and Forvyth is finally beginning to accept that pushing her away doesn't make her safer, and it doesn't make him feel better. He can't take back turning her into this, and without him she might have been dead anyway. They have a dysfunctional little family with Forvyth's "friend" (he doesn't really do friends) Drahyr/Dryra, and a small pool of allies, but importantly they have each other and they will keep fighting until they succeed or the Brotherhood kills them.

Phora is, as one might expect, intensely and fiercely loyal, but only to a select few. Once upon a time she was a bit of a prankster, though she's partially lost sight of that in the face of all that has happened to her. It's still in there though, deep down. She also does not share food. She's been food insecure most of her life so if she shares her food with you she likes and trusts you.

There she is, my favoritest little murder child and the reason I am so attached to the "reluctant guy adopts scruffy kid and becomes the shittest dad" trope. Forvyth and Phora reign supreme in my heart forever. This is also how I was generally introduced to Elder Scrolls lore properly, I'd never fully played any of the games and so Ray showed me the world through the Dark Brotherhood of all things so I am hilariously attached to the murder cult.

[tvccreator]

Cookie Run Kingdom - My Top 10 Favorite Cookies (Based on Personal Preference, Not Necessarily How Good They Are)

Did I ever mention I play Cookie Run: Kingdom? No?

Too bad, I'm gonna talk about it now.

(You know the deal: it's gonna be a long thread, so continued under the cut. If you wanna be my friend on CRK, you'll have to be in the Hollyberry server and look for the name BlueElysiumFalls. My icon is Linzer Cookie, the title is "Agatha Crispie" - I had to - and I'm in a guild titled "DiscordPals". Let me know if you friend me!)

In Cookie Run Kingdom, I'm currently... eh, decently through the game? I'm on 14-7 for the Story Mode, 9-21 on Dark Mode, and apparently I have 64 of the Tropic Soda Islands unlocked. Not too shabby, if I do say so myself. :)

For this post, I'm just going to gush about my favorite cookies and the ones I typically use in my battles. The ones towards the top are the cookies I've used in battle before and enjoy using, while the ones near the bottom are just cookies I really enjoy and might not even use.

As a note, I don't buy anything from Free to Play games, so all of this is with gacha luck and assorted in-game currency. Sounds good?

Okay, my top 10 favorite cookies!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Number 10: White Lily Cookie (NPC - Ancient; Unknown Type)

I'm sort of cheating with this one since she's not even playable yet, but by God, I really love White Lily. She's very quiet, her background with Pure Vanilla Cookie is adorably sad, and I just really enjoy her as a character. She goes through some shit - no spoilers, just in case - but I love her as a character and hope one day I'll be able to have her as a part of my team. I'm guessing that she's either going to be a Support hero to compliment Pure Vanilla's Healing type, or she's going to be a Magic hero because she relies heavily on magic to attack. I don't know for sure, though.

Number 9: Linzer Cookie (Epic; Support Type)

I absolutely love Linzer Cookie (despite her only having just been released not even a month ago) and it's mostly due to the Mystery on the Orient Express-esque event that went on over the holiday. My family has quite a few Agatha Christie fans, and having a cookie that was basically Agatha Christie combined with Hercule Poirot was an amazing choice on the developers' part. I also really like her interactions with Crème Brûlée Cookie. They're very cute together.

Number 8: Caramel Arrow Cookie (Epic; Ranged Type)

As mentioned above, I'm only a few levels into Chapter 14 of the main story, but Caramel Arrow quickly became one of my favorite cookies. Her story is rather sad, but she clearly only wants what's best for her kingdom and is truly loyal to Dark Cacao. I really enjoy that about her character, and I hope she gets a happy ending when Chapter 14 ends.

Number 7: Red Velvet Cookie (Epic; Charge Type)

I mostly love Red Velvet for his role in the Tower of Sweet Chaos storyline. I love how devoted he is to the Cake Hounds, and he is honestly a very caring individual despite his alliances. I just recently bought the decor "Forgotten Piece of Cake," and when Red Velvet interacts with it, you get to see him feeding his Cake Hounds and having some pretty adorable interactions with them. I really enjoy watching his softer side come out with the Cake Hounds.

Number 6: Frost Queen Cookie (Legendary; Magic Type)

Now we're getting into the cookies I use a lot on my teams, starting with the ice queen herself! Frost Queen is extremely tanky, especially with her Crystal Jam active, and it's honestly nice to have her fight on my team if the game allows it (*cough cough* Tower of Sweet Chaos *cough*). With Frosted Toppings, she gets some pretty nice boosts to anything (I recommend either the chocolate toppings or the raspberries - I have a combo of both and they make her quick to attack and a heavy hitter) and she can wipe out individual waves pretty easily in the earlier levels. Also, Cristina Vee just nails the voice acting for her. She's also my second-strongest fighter, so I have a bit of bias.

Number 5: Golden Cheese Cookie (Ancient; Ranged Type)

I don't know how I have gotten four copies of this cookie just with cookie cutters and crystals, but here I am. Golden Cheese is extremely tanky, as well, and hits like a truck if you can keep her alive long enough. She's at 2 stars right now (I actually got my fourth copy of her right as I was typing this list) and has her Ever-Radiant Goddess skin equipped (which I also somehow managed to snag pretty early on from the costume gacha), so she looks like a queen and acts it, too.

Number 4: Pitaya Dragon Cookie (Dragon; Charge Type)

My heaviest hitter, and for good reason! When I was going through the winter gacha trying to get Sherbet Cookie, I ended up getting this guy, and he's been on my team ever since! With five maxed-out Draconic Raspberries, he's really good at taking damage while also returning the favor. I just got him to 1-star and leveled him up to level 60 today (January 13), and I'm glad I did because boy howdy, Chapter 14 is a tough chapter if you're not prepared (which I am very much not). I love his voice, as well - Andrew Morgado did a wonderful job with the voice acting for Pitaya Dragon!

Number 3: Fettuccini Cookie (Epic; Defense Type)

I had taken a long break from Cookie Run: Kingdom, but when I came back, it was right in the middle of the Lost Golden City event, and Fettuccini almost immediately joined my team. She's a very adorable little mummy cookie but hits really hard and takes damage like a champ. I'm not using her on my team at the moment - she was swapped out for Dark Cacao - but if I can get her up to a high-enough level, I'm definitely bringing her back.

Number 2: Cotton Cookie (Epic; Support Type)

My first-ever 5-star cookie! When I first played Cookie Run Kingdom, I worked extremely hard to get Cotton Cookie up to 5 stars, and now she's back for my most recent playthrough! While she's not as strong as Pitaya Dragon or Frost Queen, I really enjoy her healing ability and her little sheep minions. Her backstory is really sad, especially when combined with the winter event that introduced Icicle Yeti Cookie, but I love her all the same.

And my number 1 favorite cookie is... Licorice Cookie (Epic; Magic Type)!!!

Yeah, that's probably not a surprise for people who know me, but I just really enjoy Licorice Cookie. I love everything about Licorice Cookie - his patchwork robes, his scythe, his little licorice minions, his voice (Cameron Bowen is amazing), his personality - he's just a great character overall to me! His friendships with Poison Mushroom, Choco Werehound Brute, and BatCat are also really adorable, too, and his disdain for Pomegranate Cookie is all too relatable for me (massive props to the voice actress Victoria Grace for making me despise Pomegranate Cookie and for giving her really "good" chemistry with Dark Choco, Licorice, Poison 'Shroom, Red Velvet, and Dark Enchantress Cookie.)

Hope you guys enjoyed my little countdown!

[ohklah0ma]

I just noticed the text on you ask box button so: tell me about your ocs. all of them, your favorite, I do not care. I wish to hear all you have to say (also I really like your new blog theme, it's very calming and quiet on my eyes)

THANK U i love dark colors bc im very light sensitive so thats a big thi nf i was going for w my new theme<33

ok oc time!!!!!!!!uh uh i dont really know where or who to start with so ill prolly just go w quickly rambling about my ocs from tbe casino gang!!!!! this story is mostly in collaboration w my sibling kay and they have about half of the characters here but im mostly gonna focus on mine for times sake because theres. like 10 in total which would take a long time bc you know i wont shut up about anything

i have a bunch of ocs who all work at this casino somewhere between multiverses that we still dont have a name for but its ok. lots of people from all sorts of different worlds show up there but its usually dimensional travelers or backrooms wanderers or random characters who have been magically brought there just for funsies :-)

first we have avery!!!!my partial sona whos also their own character its weird avery created the casino sometime after they died and became a god, its one of the things theyre most proud of and they wouldnt work anywhere else for the world. except sometimes they would because their employees are little shits sometimes (which is kind of what you’d expect from half your workforce being either undead immortal children or raging alcoholics (abel.)) theyre basically a wine mom friend tbh but the kind of wine mom who would absolutely tear you apart with an axe if you did sometjing to their kids. theyre very protective of their employees and their sibling/co-owner abel (kay’s oc) <3 but they arent afraid to be a little strict with them

indigo is averys best friend and technically head of security even though they dont even work there! theyve just been given full authority over the security staff because theyre slay like that. one of my fruitiest ocs ever i swear indigo died very soon after avery did! they were friends before they died as well but avery has no idea and indigo would like to keep it that way. they wear a mask concealing the right side of their face and they loooove to scare people with whats behind it. they met avery and helped them get back onto their feet after they died <3 even though they have full security clearance theyre literally just a regular visitor at the casino and nobody really knows Why theyre best friends but its fine. theyre also very protective of avery and abel and of course their friend ephetatis (kay’s oc) and their little sister ruby!

ruby is a little shit. im just gonna say that now i adore her so much but shes the definition of a chaotic neutral mean lesbian sje would tell you to kys unapologetically if she thought it was funny (but she would apologize if it made someone sad) she and indigo are both. weird vampire demon creature dudes. she was assigned to be indigos younger sister by higher-up gods and she was a bit hesitant to trust them at first but indigo is very responsible and the two got along very quickly! they have a really interesting dynamic because ruby lived during a much more modern time period than indigo so she learned about. internet things and stuff like that more easily which makes for some really funny scenarios. ruby will occasionally get dragged to the casino when she cant be trusted to be home alone but now she has to help out there a bunch because she and her best friend kris (kay’s oc) broke a $27,000 chandelier (kris did it on purpose. bitch) and now they have to work off this ridiculous amount of debt. however they do get free snacks so thats cool i guess

parsley and sofi are two little guys who probably live in the walls i have no idea what or who they are but they annoy abel and help avery and cause chaos. they are never not together so its impossible to not draw or write about them together. avery kind of just took them in and now they help ephetatis at the bar (they handle the non-alcoholic drinks and clean things) and sometimes sofi sneaks salt into abels wine because it think its really funny

and those r all the main important characters!!!!the ones i own anyway!!!!!! theyre so silly and i love the whole casino gang to death and i worked on thisfor like 45 minutes so i hope you enjoy this massive infodump thank you for reading

[harryissuchalittleshit]

29 on the ao3 wrapped, perhaps?

Excited to have discovered your stuff this year!

First of all, thank you!!! Second, do you know how much stuff I’ve written this year??? I don’t think I can name one line or passage, that’s my favorite! It changes on my mood and temperament every second of the day, but I’ll try to limit it:

Putting everything under a read more because I don’t know how to limit myself and I put 12 lines/passages 🤷‍♀️, though I did write/post 30 fics this year so it is less than half 😂😭😂

“They call her Rose because they want something beautiful in the world.”

From Goddaughter, it’s the very first line but it always makes me smile.

“Her mum had taught her how dance and her father was her favorite partner, but Ron takes that spot quickly.

He has a surprising grace to him, years from helping his mum in the kitchen.

He hums under his breath, and it’s the only noise between them for months when she’s seventeen and he’s sixteen almost seventeen. Lavender Brown and her blonde curls and purple eyes don’t matter to her, in fact they don’t matter to each other at all, and Hermione knows that she’s in love.

She’s in love and she’s tired of hiding it, but they don’t have the time.”

From Books (let’s read together), just early Romione fluff that I’ve tided into other fics. I love writing about developing relationships.

“Roxanne felt normal.

For the first time in over a year, she felt normal, like herself again. Her hair was washed with gentle hands, it was sectioned out and brushed carefully, the colorless section of hair had been dyed a dark red that was nearly identical to her natural color, and then trimmed to an easy and manageable bob. It was actually quite cute, and she could braid it back easily, or fluff it out into an afro.

It was just one more step forward.

“Look at you,” said Angelina as they sat across from each other in a private booth in the Leaky Cauldron. “You know my mamma always said that a good haircut could cure any sadness.””

From a curling crown lays atop my head, just some Roxanne/Angelina bonding. I really love both of them as characters and writing this story just gave me so many feelings about me and my own mom’s relationship with each other.

“It would be a nearly a year before they could be together properly, but he could wait, he would wait.

He would be ready to worship her again soon enough.”

From we’d still worship this love, this fic made me love the song False God, and it also gave me such an appreciation for young/post-war Hinny! I adore their love and this fic set off so much for me and my love for Ginny Weasley!

“Harry sighed, and Arthur felt his stomach twist. For six years, Harry had been a guest in their life, he was Ron’s best friend, he was in love with their Ginny, he was their seventh son. He had stood with them as they buried Fred, and he was living with them because he had nowhere else to go, though the truth was that they wouldn’t let him stay anywhere else.

Percy came back into their lives just as they lost Fred, and Arthur would be damned if they lost Harry too.”

From Glasses, just Arthur being a father figure in Harry’s life! I love this relationship and wished it was seen more in the books, we need more Arthur/Harry, father/adopted son bonding!!

“I better get my sweater back,” George told her as they walked hand-in-hand along the beach. He had both of their shoes in his hand, while she held her wand tight in her hand, with their fingers locked together between them. “Mum would be upset if she knew that it was stolen.”

“I’ll write her and let her know that you gave it to me,” said Angelina, and George smiled, squeezing her hand and wishing that he could kiss her. Beside them, the first rays of the sunrise were coming in, which meant they were way past due to get back to school. “And that chivalry is dead…killed by one of her sons.”

From Last Kiss, this whole fic is a gem, but this passage always makes me laugh. I love writing George/Angelina, their story, their relationship, it’s one of my favorite ships. This piece is probably my favorite one shot of the year. (Also one of my favorite TS songs too!)

“I love him,” said Rose, because she did, she loved him and adored him as much as he loved and adored her.

She had it in writing.

“You’re fifteen, Rose.”

“You knew at fifteen.”

Ron looked down at the scars on his arms, faded but still there, given to him at sixteen, just barely a few months older than Rose was now. They twisted around his arms and midsection, and Rose remembered tracing them when she was little.

“What did your mum say about it?”

It was the perfect distraction, the perfect segue. Trying to push the conversation away from him and to her mum.

“That it’s okay,” said Rose, because that was what her mum had said. It was okay if Rose threw herself into this relationship if only to get her heart broken later. “If I get my heart broken then it happens, but it’s okay if I want to throw myself into it.”

“Your mum is so much smarter than me,” said Ron and Rose shook her head before pushing herself into his arms and resting her head on his chest. She wrapped her arms around him, and held him close to her as he did the same.

“You’re just as smart as her,” Rose mumbled into his chest, as he ran a hand through her hair and patted her back. “And I love you just as much as I love her.”

“Thank you Mija,” whispered Ron and Rose smiled as she looked up at him

From august, this one is long and it took me a while to decide, but it’s probably one of the most important passages in the whole fic. I think we often forget that teenagers have BIG emotions that matter. We all once had crushes and possibly bfs/gfs that we “loved” at that age, and to know that it’s okay, it means a lot. This is such a defining moment in Rose and Ron’s relationship, and it’s important to both of them. I love this fic so much, it’s very personal to me, and it means a lot to me, but this passage is one of my favorites. It’s a little hopeful and a little bittersweet and everything I know Ron can give to his daughter and Rose can give to her dad.

Percy loved Ginny with his whole heart, even if she was annoying, even if she once followed him from room to room. He was around her whole childhood, while Bill left in the weeks after her birth and Charlie just a little while after. Percy was around, he held her during thunderstorms, and he read her the same story about an old witch that turned into a rabbit. He kissed her knees when she fell and bruised them, he held her hands as she slowly learned to walk in the living room. He remembered her life where she couldn’t, he remembered the details of a childhood she wouldn’t ever recall.

Ginny loved Percy like a house on fire, she loved him with sadness and then anger and then hope. She loved him in shared smiles and matching brown eyes and nights spent sharing a single twin sized bed. She loved him in rain puddles and muddy glasses and little braids that fell out of their hair. She followed after him in a way that none of the others understood, she followed after him as a devoted baby sister did her favorite older brother.

From August Siblings - Major and Minor, just some Percy/Ginny sibling love. Their relationship is never explored and I adore them both sooooo much!

“Oh well,” said James, finally blushing at something Lily said, “you know what they say about missed opportunities.”

Lily rolled her eyes, leaning in even closer and smiled at him. “I decided to not give up.”

“So does that mean I should be calling you Doctor Lily?” asked James, and Lily giggled.

“Dr. Lily seems like a lot,” said Lily, even if it was officially part of her title now. “But you can call me that or whatever you want.”

“Can I ask you a question then, Dr. Lily?”

“Okay.”

“Baby, will you kiss me already?”

“I thought you would never ask.”

From (And I Watched It) Begin Again, just some cute Jily.

“You shouldn’t keep exhausting yourself like this,” whispered Percy as he sat beside her in her bed, his fingers warm as the moved through her hair. Ginny didn’t open her eyes, she didn’t need to know that he was still dressed in his pajamas, his glasses dirty to everyone but him, and his curls an overgrown mess.

He looked more like the Percy she loved and knew as a kid than the man he was now.

“Trust me, I know how easy it is to burn all the fire all at once…how it makes sleeping feel better,” continued Percy, moving his fingers down her forehead and tapping her nose softly. Ginny opened her eyes and looked at him, seeing exactly what she expected and knew she would see. He looked tired himself, as if he too had gone on a midnight run.

“What do you know about sleeping?” asked Ginny, slowly sitting up and tucking herself into his side, into his arms.

“I know how not to sleep, Gin,” whispered Percy as Ginny carefully took his glasses off of him and cleaned them for him. “You don’t want to be like me.”

“I’ve always wanted to be like you,” mumbled Ginny, pressing her face into his shoulder blade and holding on tightly to him. “Stupidly stubborn and way too brave for his own fault.”

“Ridiculous,” said Percy, and Ginny nodded as she closed her eyes and let his calm heartbeat lull her back to sleep.

From Enough, more Percy and Ginny being siblings, just featuring them post-war. This fic is really about Ginny and Tom, but this little bit always makes me smile.

He didn’t hear the shutter click, but when he returned back to Hogwarts that year, sitting on his desk would be a new photo. Him and Gus, matching the one that was taken nearly forty years earlier, of Frank and Neville pruning the exact same rose bushes.

From Plants (let’s garden together), I love Neville and this image is just adorable to me.

Her life was a hodgepodge of stolen and gifted items, of knickknacks and pebbles given to her by a sixteen month old baby.

It was a life of sweet nothings.

From (all that you ever wanted from me was) Sweet Nothing, more Jily, this time during the war.

[spacetrashpile]

🥭 [MANGO] What colours best represent them and why? Does this differ from their favourites?

🧅 [ONION] What is surefire to make your OC cry? Who knows of this information?

I was about to do Alexandra for this one and then I realized I am 99% sure I’ve reblogged this post and answered at least mama go for her before, lol. So Alfred it is! Alfred Grey was my secondary character for Riverpine, a MOTW campaign set in Canada in the ambiguous modern day. Alfred was a Hex, a magic user who teaches it to themselves rather than being born with it. He is 24, American (New York specifically), and a bit of a prick.

🥭 MANGO

I associate Alfred with a lot of dark blues and reds. Like, night sky color blue, almost black, and crimson. The blue is a family color, to me, because “night sky color” makes me think of obscuring things, and his family worships an eldritch god of the unknown and secrets. Red because, y’know, blood, and there’s been a lot of murder in his story, and also anger. He’s so angry for a large chunk of his story. I also associate him with yellow, but that’s just because the vest I originally put him in was yellow so I could easily cosplay him, lol. I think his favorite colors are like, teal/turquoise type colors, though.

🧅 ONION

There’s two answers here, the sad one and the more fun one. Sad one is just all the bullshit he’s been through with his family and Tyler and Logan all the guilt he feels over that, and Tyler knows some of the extent of this. Alfred doesn’t talk to him about the guilt he feels about dragging Tyler into all of this, though, because he knows Tyler’s not gonna take his anger out on him, no matter how much Alfred thinks he deserves to. Logan knows a lot of this as well but not really on purpose, just as a poor side effect of being a mind reader. They don’t talk about it. The more FUN answer is videos of dogs being reunited with their owners because it is the one thing that really hits his soft side. Tyler knows this, and is sworn to secrecy about it.

[cosmicangel888]

The Healing is Obvious ~ 5D prayers

In the elegance of anew

The swan, the elegance, and trying, trying, offering, and becoming,

I release what is not my own to carry, and though years of doing all possible to bring awareness and healing to what is obvious in the faces to many, and yet within our disconnectedness of society, the covert skill of the best narcists, the cults, the covens, that watch as people are abused, and sit degradingly watch, and do nothing;

There was so much highest level of healing, and help offered, and none of it mattered; the highest of heavens, guides, angelics, and earth angels were offered as a gift; and it simply mattered not to the broken, and greedy.

The Heavens weep, at the deplorable energy and treatment of one another, that when you first sense the need to heal, go and heal; seek, do what you can to reach out and heal.

When a woman states her story; listen, hear it, and believe it. When a child tells their story believe them; and do not surrender to the story of those that simply lie, deceive, and manipulate their way around systems, and society -

With so many in the world suffering, the real world issues, the pettiness and selfish, greed, corruption took over what was so easily and simply shifted, changed, and healed; but became a sick dark game of death wishing, harassment, defamation, discrimination, and racism; taking wounding within way to far and now bruising entire communities, and stories that all have to live with their place within their choices and the harm done;

Not only the unconditional business offering, taken, raped me of my sacred work, many knew and did nothing; made and piled money off of my work, my credit, giving me nothing - the true meaning of slavery - and when I speak out, when I have the strength to stand up, after such years of abuse, torment, there is even more punishment - laughing, bullying and yet what they bully they steal and take the money;

Hundreds of emails to lawyers, the public, the false clients, the groups, the community - this is the story you all have to be proud of and what ever more bring sadness from the heavens on how all have been so disconnected from love, their own hearts, to treat, and watch innocent and loving people be treated the way I have, and many others have -

When you conjure demons, devils, entities, attached to humans that need healing and why the dangers of cults, imbalanced, and mental illness, the misunderstanding, not knowing of energy, Source, God, the devious ways in which are bred from dogmatic conditioning, not holding people accountable in early stages of illness, mental imbalances and healing; and those not hearing, listening, nor caring about what is happening right under the noses of all -

Choose to look at such deplorable human treatment -

And why, what the heavens, your guides, higher selves gave so much time, for many of those that did the most are gifted and meant to help, offer humanity their levelling up, self loving change, and God, Source, the MotherFather giving chances to do right, what choices will build your character and next timelines, what karma will be cleared for your next timeline, and how will all and each involved step up to be more, to love more, and to do what is humane and honourable - it seemed money, ego, title, and stealing what was never theirs won out over their own souls, love, and care for a gentle human that barely made it through this ascension -

God, Source, the Heavens, the Federations are so very sad;

All have infinite opportunities to make right on such degrading darkness and hell -

Made a divine being feel so used, abused, and laughed at;

There will only and always be love.

All are meant to live as one; practice what you do, but do not interfere. Can you accept another fully and completely? When you feel a trigger, will you heal? Treating children as sex toys, abusing energy, and taking the life force, and enslaving anyone; are deep soul wounds; targeting, dehumanizing - what world will you see as your divine world?

There is no time greater than now - wake up - LIFE IS SACRED; are you treating yourself and others as sacred? All life, children deserve the safety, love, attention, protection; societies of enslavement - misogyny will lead to war, and ultimately enslavement of the soul, remaining in 3D;

I will ascend and I choose evolution and liberation.

There is only love.

I pray for all in the honour of all life - love is.

Sadness. disgrace, and more sadness; whether any see, know it or not, we are all family, One; humanity soften and awaken

Sadness.

Nothing more to say

Joanna

I pray for all

Please forgive us all God, Source, the Heavens and devoted federations; - I pray for all -

When will we wake up.

#ascension #calgarycrime #calgarycults #calgartcorruption

[unfoundhoney]

a sister’s sacrifice ; part three ↠

↠ platonic!c!sleepy bois inc x fem!reader , platonic!c!tubbo x fem!reader ; angst just angst

↠ masterlist

↠ part one ; part two ; part three ;

↠ @leafyturtle @basheverythingyesterday @terribletoothbat @bestioe @junoblad3 @machiebach @ok-honey

when considering the deaths of the people on the dream smp server, yours is the hardest

schlatt was detested by all when he’d died

few people still truly cared for wilbur when he met his end; the man he once was was long gone by then

but you

you never changed

you were a constant for so many & immovably kind to the rest

selfless, giving, caring

even when you just wanted an escape, you came to the aid of your brothers

you gave the ultimate sacrifice & paid the price

everyone mourns you

when the battle is won & dream locked away indefinitely

once everyone has come down from the high of freeing themselves from dream’s reign, the server goes into a state of grieving

there’s no denying your death

they all saw the message in chat

you’re dead

those that were close to you took it hard

niki was narrowly stopped from burning down the bakery you encouraged her to open and helped build

eret put her emotions into work on a memorial in their museum for you

even under the egg’s control, bad & ant put the eggpire aside for you

of course, those who took it the hardest is your family

when ghostbur learns of your death, he’s distraught

he doesn’t quite know how to handle the information

he protects your home & only allows people to enter when he supervises them

tommy took a while to move past his anger & deal with the fact that you’re gone

tubbo ran off to start snowchester

he chose to distract himself rather than truly process his emotions, even if you’d always done your best to break that habit of his

now that you’re not around, who’s to stop him from letting himself be numb to it all?

techno is another one of your family members who chose to barely acknowledge your passing

he became somehow more monotonous & emotionless

and phil

...

there’s no word for a parent who loses a child

wilbur was gone & of course it messed phil up to be the one to take will’s last life but by that point his son was gone

but you

you’d always been such a genuinely good person

phil did so little for you as a father

he was so absent

he never apologized to you for that

he never told you how much he loves & appreciates you & everything you’ve done to keep their family together when he couldn’t be bothered

it’s a few hours after he received the news from ranboo that all the guilt for everything he had ever put you through hit him

he broke down in his kitchen while trying to distract himself by organizing his cupboards

but all he could think about was you

you & your never ending kindness & compassion

he was never a father to you

yet you never hated him

why couldn’t you have hated him?

it would hurt less to lose you if you hated him; it’s what he deserves

he’s unworthy of your love

but he can only dwell so long on you

you are given a proper funeral

you’re buried by the seashore, somewhere between l’manberg and tommy’s abandoned vacation homes in an open field

the sever members plant so many flowers, your gravesite becomes a flower field

but soon, life goes on

it will only hurt for longer to draw out the mourning period

it would do no good for anyone

besides, you wouldn’t want the server to be sad for your sake

techno supposes it’s for the best that you died

he does his best to move on, filling his days with resource gathering and upgrading his tools, weapons, and armor while trying to think through his emotions logically

as much as he liked you

as much as everyone liked you, you were too good

you were the best of them

fate is not kind to heroes

“hello!”

technoblade is not an easy man to sneak up on, let alone scare

the greeting itself isn’t want startles him

it’s turning toward the voice to lock eyes with you

you who is dead

techno is not proud of the sound he made when he saw you but you of all people wouldn’t make fun of him for it

he just stares at you, slowly realizing what’s happened

you look desaturated, the color drained from your clothes

your skin is grey & almost translucent

you’re a ghost

“y/n.”

“hello! who are you?”

techno tells no on one of your ghost form

he even keeps the rest of the server a secret from you

he leads you to your old home & leaves you there w/ ghostbur

he hopes your and ghostbur’s combined amnesia will keep you out of harm’s way i.e. the rest of the server

he visits you occasionally but mostly leaves you be

you live happily with ghostbur for a while

he is very glad to have you back

his memory is nearly as bad as yours, so the story of the server & what happened to you when you were alive is only given to you in bits & pieces that are near impossible to fit together

it was only a matter of time before someone came to visit your house

“...y/n?”

it’s tubbo who finds you first

or he finds your ghost

(tubbo) y/n! oh my god! you’re a ghost! you’ve come back!

(you) hello! *whispers* ghostbur, who is this?

(ghostbur, whispering obviously) that’s tubbo, one of your other brothers i’ve told you about

(you, whispering) oh, right

(tubbo) how long have you- oh, this is incredible! i have to tell tommy! he’s been so sad since you died; he’ll be so glad to see you!

tubbo messages tommy, who is skeptical but reluctantly comes to your house anyway

but there you are

your ghost anyway

which is good enough, honestly

(tommy) y/n!

you catch him in a hug easily, even if you’ve never met him before

(tommy) you’re alive!

(you) no i’m not. i’m a ghost!

techno happens to check in on you when tubbo & tommy are there

bad news for technoblade: you’d told them about techno leading you here

meaning: tommy knows techno hid you from him & everyone else

needless to say, he is not too happy about that

(tommy) you hid her! you kept her away from us!

(techno) tommy, you have to understand-

(tommy) i don’t have to understand shit! you hid her from us! you lied to us!

(techno) tommy-

(tommy) you kept her from everyone! you’re selfish and you’re a liar and you’re horrible and-

(techno) i did it to protect her! she’s been hurt enough protecting others; it’s our turn to protect her. the only way we can do that is by leaving her alone

(tommy) she’s my sister

(techno) your sister is dead, tommy. for once in her life, let her have peace

tommy gives up on techno & goes to you instead

(tommy) y/n! y/n, we can bring you back. we can revive you. well, dream can revive you but he’s in prison so he has to do what we say so we can bring you back. we can be a family again. don’t you want to come back?

(you) ...no

that

...

that isn’t what tommy was expecting

(tommy) what?

(you) if alive y/n comes back, i won’t exist anymore. and i’ve only just got here. i don’t want to go yet

(tommy) don’t you understand how much y/n means to me? y/n has to come back. she has to. she’s so important. not just to me but to, um... tubbo as well! right, tubbo? don’t you want y/n back?

tommy looks to tubbo for some backup but the shorter boy looks away

(tubbo) i think we need to let y/n go, tommy

the betrayal that fills tommy’s chest is soon gone as he locks eyes with techno

tommy knows techno is right

you’re too much of a good person

you’re too willing to sacrifice yourself for others

even as a ghost your kindness is blinding

this server will only drain you of everything you have yet again

he will drain you of everything you are

he’s just tried to convince you to cease to exist to bring back the former version of yourself

(you) i’m sorry. it’s just- i’ve heard there are these really pretty blue flowers in the swamp biome that i haven’t got to see yet-

(tommy) no. it’s fine. i’m sorry. i-... i should go.

tommy leaves your house & tubbo goes with him

even if tubbo caught on a bit sooner to techno’s reasoning, he’s still concerned at his friend’s sudden change in character

(tubbo) tommy... are you alright?

(tommy) ...i really want her back

(tubbo) i do, too. but she’s gone

(tommy) she doesn’t have to be

tubbo can’t argue with that

(tommy) but... maybe it’s for the best

(tubbo) really?

(tommy) yeah.

(tubbo) but just earlier you were telling me about your plan to get the revive book from dream

(tommy) techno’s right, tubbo. all everyone- myself included- has ever done to y/n is take. and she’s given everything

(tubbo) because she loved us

(tommy) as much as she loved us and as much as we loved her... the only thing we’ve ever brought her is pain. i think now... now is her time to rest.

(tubbo) ...that’s very pog champ of you, big man

tommy had planned to visit dream as many times as it took to get the revive book location off of him so he could revive you, but now he’s accepted that he needs to move on

he needs to move on from you & dream & everything dream has put him through

he decides to pay one last visit to dream, put him behind him, & never look back

he’s ready to start a new chapter in his life, one without dream

and the first one without you

but then he’s locked in the prison

two weeks pass

nearing three weeks & tommy still isn’t allowed out of dream’s cell

he’s irritated and annoyed and most of all he’s scared

but he can’t let dream know he’s still afraid of him, that’s why he pisses dream off enough to the point of being beat to death

tommy begs him to stop

but then he’s gone

everything is dark

black

empty

nothing

is this what death is?

conscious in absolute nothingness?

tommy’s feet feel the ground beneath him

his senses come back to him

it’s still dark but he feels as though he can see again

where is he?

heaven?

no, probably hell

or maybe neither?

both...?

what the hell happened?

the first thing to break the silence is the voice tommy has known since he was an infant

the voice of the person who raised him

the voice of the person who has always been there for him

the voice of the person who he has finally let go of

your voice

saying one simple word

“tommy?”

[isthisthingeven0n]

every word : a.h

hotch wakes up with an unexpecting phone call, one he’s longed to hear; you’re awake. (1.9k) 

a/n : holy shit you guys i didn’t expect this response to ‘hear you’ but thank you so much! i promise there’s a happy ending to this, i think we all need it 

hear you / every word 

all my links

(everything on my blog is my own writing. if it is shared on another page or website know it hasn’t been approved me unless specified. all rights reserved. - i have to start doing this as I had some shit on my other blog with plagiarism)

DO NOT STEAL MY WORK - IT IS ALL MY OWN WRITING

Rolling over, you shuffle closer into his embrace, feeling his breath fanning across your shoulder. “Are you awake?” Aaron whispers, brushing his lips across your neck, listening to you giggle.

“Well, I am now,” You joke, lifting your gaze up to your boyfriend, never tiring of his drowsy smile. “I suspect we have approximately two minutes of privacy.” You whisper, and Aaron nods in agreement.

“Let’s make the most of it then,” Aaron mutters as he wraps both arms around you, pulling you on top of him as you try and suppress your squeal. “you gotta be quiet, honey.” He whispers into your lips as he kisses you softly, feeling you moan happily.

“Wait,” You pause, resting your hands on either side of Aaron’s head as you peer your head up toward the door, seeing the knob rattling.

Swiftly, you lie back down beside Aaron as you pretend to sleep and snore loudly like a cartoon character.

Within seconds, the door opens and Jack rushes in. He jumps up onto Aaron’s bed and lands in between you both.

“You’re just like your Dad, Jack,” You chuckle as he dives underneath the sheets, curling up in between you and Aaron. “king of subtlety.”  

Aaron laughs lightly as Jack pops his head back up from under the sheets, messing his hair up as he looks between you and his Dad. “Do you have work today?” Jack asks with a heavy heart.

“Not that we know of,” You happily tell the mini Hotchner who smiles brightly. “so, what do you wanna do today then little man?”

You perch up on your elbow, listening to Jack intently as he rambles on about all the things you could do today, forgetting that there are so many hours in a day. But just watching you with Jack, Aaron feels at peace, that he’s finally allowed himself a chance at happiness with you by his side.

Opening his eyes, Hotch looks around.

It was just another dream. You’re still in the hospital.

Sighing heavily to himself, Hotch wipes his face as faint sunlight tries to filter through his blinds. Ever since you went into the hospital, he hasn’t had a full night sleep. You possess his mind, haunt his dreams of a simple life that he’s unsure he’ll ever have back.

Hotch turns to look at your side of the bed, untouched. Your pillows remain perfectly fluffed up as your perfume coats the cotton, weaved into the fabric that provides some comfort in the dead of night.

“I miss you, Y/n.” Hotch mutters under his breath, returning to lie flat on his back as he stares up at his ceiling, missing those early mornings of bliss with you and Jack, his family.

Yet, out of the corner of his eye, Hotch can see his phone lighting up. Without hesitation, he reaches for it and answers it. “Hotchner,” He responds, now sitting upright.

“Hi Mr Hotchner, we have you down as Ms Y/l/n emergency contact?” A woman on the other end of the phone questions and Hotch tears the sheets from his body, now perching on the edge of the bed with his feet hanging just above the floor.

“That’s correct, has something happened?” Hotch asks as the worst possibilities cloud his mind and remains unaware of his bedroom door opening and Jack peering in to see his Dad tensing up with his phone against his ear.

“Ms Y/l/n has woken up,” The woman states, and Hotch has to catch his breath as his heart hammers against his chest.

Barely able to process anything else the woman on the phone says, Hotch just nods to himself. “I’ll be right there, thank you.” He tells her and hangs up, taking a moment as he laughs happily to himself, ignoring the tears forming in his eyes.

“Is Mom awake?” A tired voice inputs and Hotch glances over his shoulder to see Jack stood there in his PJ’s, fidgeting as he leans against the door.

Rising to his feet, Hotch walks over to his son and kneels down. “Yeah, buddy,” Hotch quietly states with a smile crossing his face. “come on, we gotta go.” He tells his son, taking his hand as they both head downstairs for their things before rushing out of the door without a second thought.

*

It felt strange, that much was undeniable. Every time you blinked, you worried your eyes wouldn’t open again, that you’d be forced back into the darkness alone.

You were regaining control of your limbs as your Doctor explained everything to you in detail once you were fully conscious and competent. Part of you wondered if you dreamed everything you heard whilst in a comatose state, but as you listened to your Doctor, he was simply telling you everything you already knew.

Now, it was early- you knew that much as you sat upright enjoying the warmth basking your skin.

“Sir, you have to come back during visiting hours,” Your ears perk up to the sound of voices in the corridors, and suddenly the hairs on the back of your neck stand on end as his voice stands out.

“I haven’t seen her for weeks, please,” Hotch pleads, his voice cracking as he moves on, heading to your private room. He pauses outside of it, the blinds still closed. “hey Jack?”

Jack looks up at his Dad, clad in his PJ’s and slippers, but covered in his coat for warmth. “Yeah?”

“Mind giving me a minute okay? I just wanna talk to Mom privately.” Hotch asks, and Jack simply nods as sleep still laces his mind.

Standing up tall, Hotch tries his best to compose himself as he reaches for the door handle and pushes the door open.

“Hey stranger,” Your voice is raspy but clear as Hotch stands in disbelief. He closes the door behind him quietly as he keeps his focus on you, seeing you awake and looking right back at him.

“Y/n,” He breathes out, forcing his feet forward toward your bed as a sad smile forms your lips whilst they quiver. “oh, Y/n.” He reaches out, unable to stop himself as he hugs you tightly, not wishing to part from you again.

You rub your hand across his back as you feel him sob into you. “Aaron,” You mumble, ignoring the tears falling from your eyes as he pulls away and sits down beside you, his hand never leaving yours. “I’ve missed you so much.” You tell him, sniffing as you remain in disbelief. “I’m so glad you’re here.”

Hotch chuckles to himself. “I’m so sorry Y/n, for everything that happened that night, I, I should’ve walked with you.” He explains, but you squeeze his hand tightly, cutting him off.

“It wasn’t your fault, Aaron,” You sigh in relief. “God, you have no idea how long I’ve waited to tell you that.” You laugh, and Hotch furrows his brows in confusion.

“What do you mean?” He asks, clearly perplexed.

You shuffle in your hospital bed, ignoring the mild throbbing of your forehead as you take a sip of water, even if it still burns your throat.

“It’s going to sound insane,” You preface, but Aaron keeps his eyes on you. “I, well, I heard everything whilst I was in the coma.”

Glancing up, you see Hotch staring back at you with that unreadable expression. “Everything?” He asks quietly, and you nod in response. “That, that’s insane, honey.” He tells you.

“Yeah,” You know it’s crazy, hell, how could you possibly begin to fathom it? “but I heard every conversation, every visit from the team and when you came,” You trail off. “yet, all I could think about was telling you that it isn’t your fault. None of it was or ever will be.” You tell him, not daring to tear your gaze from his. “I love you, Aaron, so please, don’t be so hard on yourself.”

“You heard me?” His voice softens as you nod. “I, I,”

“It’s okay, Aaron, you don’t have to say anything else.” You smile, lifting your hand from his as you place it on his cheek, missing the feeling of his cheeks rising as he smiles into your palm.

“I thought I was going to lose you,” Hotch admits, feeling the searing pain cross his heart at the thought.

“You can’t get rid of me that easily, Hotchner.” You joke, stroking away the stray tears that fall from his eyes.

You glance over his shoulder, noticing the door beginning to open.

“Looks like we’ve got company,” You whisper, and Hotch quickly wipes his eyes as Jack shyly enters.

“Come on over, buddy,” Hotch calls over his son who rushes over.

“Hey, Jack,” You try your best to remain composed as Jack looks up at you with those big eyes, full of love. “I’ve missed you, kiddo.” Your voice cracks and Jack stands in front of his Dad who helps him up onto your bed.

“I’ve missed you, Mom.” Jack remains strong as he hugs you, both arms around your neck as you hold him close.

“I see your Dad wasted no time in getting here, huh?” You joke, seeing him in his PJ’s like Aaron. “I feel a bit left out.” You ease into laughing with Jack, knowing it’s the best medicine for situations like this.

Seeing you with Jack, laughing like old times despite everything is just another reason why Hotch loves you with his whole heart.

“I’ll just be a minute,” Hotch comments as you nod to him before averting your attention back to the mini Hotchner, listening to his stories from school.

He glances through the now opened blinds, seeing you smiling with all your might, despite the evident fear in your eyes.

Hotch takes out his phone and dials Rossi, knowing he’d need to know.

“Rossi.” Dave answers.

“Dave, Y/n’s awake.” Hotch states and Rossi laughs happily through the line and can hear him telling Krystall the good news.

“Oh Aaron, that’s excellent news, is she alright?” Rossi asks, now sitting down as Krystall pats his shoulder before heading into the kitchen.

“She’s doing okay,” Hotch comments, looking over his shoulder at you and Jack. “she’s vulnerable, but I can tell she’s putting on a front for Jack’s sake.” Hotch explains.

“I’m just glad she’s awake,” Rossi sighs. “does she know how long she’s been out?”

Hotch chuckles under his breath. “Y/n erm, she heard everyone the entire time.” Hotch states. “I know it sounds crazy, and trust me, I agree, but she explained how she could hear every conversation someone had with her or others in the room.”

“Damn,” Rossi whistles. “Reid's going to have a field day with this.” Rossi tuts, hearing Hotch laugh lightly. “That’s a lot to have on her mind, though, Aaron.”

“Yeah,” Hotch mutters. “it’s going to be a process for all of us, but we’ll work through it, as a family.”

Rossi smiles to himself, having seen Hotch at his lowest to his highest of highs with you by his side. “Send her our love, okay?”

“I will, thanks Dave.” Hotch hangs up after that and takes a moment to compose himself, knowing it’ll all work out in the end, as you have each other, and that’s all that matters.

okay so thank you for reading! and thank you to these wonderful angels for their amazing and entertaining comments: @spencerreidsoulmate @ellyhotchner @donttellanyoneireadfanfiction @ssa-kassidyhughes @obsssedwithjustaboutanything @lumineshawn @oreogutz​ @prentisswrites​ @theinsanespaceship15​ 

[mandareeboo]

SU Music Rankings

Bc I can and I wanna start some Disk Horse rip. These are all in order of preference, with explanations, etc. It’s a long bitch. That said, I’m not counting little short jingles or small joke songs like Little Butler. This is the meat and potatoes of SU music- just under 30 songs. I might do the rest if people like my takes lol.

I scored it mostly on three bases- how dear it was to my heart, how much/often I relisten to it, and also what it means to the plot. That said, little fun songs don’t automatically go farther down than big, plot-heavy songs either! It’s a strange little balance.

Special Note: I don’t dislike any of this music! I love SU and that includes its bumps and glitches. I just pick favorite children lol.

1.) Change

Was there ever a more Steven moment than when he wiped the blood off his face and kissed it into sparkles? I think not. 

If “Be Wherever You Are” is an ode to young Steven, then this is teen Steven’s. Talking about change, and how much and how little it can do. How he holds his arms up for Spinel to hug him, so trusting. How he seems able to just. Break into soft tears at will, and not to be manipulative- it’s just his kind nature. The warmth in his voice. Fuck yesssss.

2.) Change Your Mind

This song is only fifty five seconds and it’s EVERYTHING to me. It really felt like someone was speaking the words I’d always held deep inside of me, unsure of how to say. It feels like a goodbye to someone who never really loved me. 

As much as I enjoyed Future, if this was the finale of SU, I would’ve been perfectly okay with that.

3.) Drift Away

This song gave me legitimate shivers the first time I heard it, and it still haunts me to this day. Spinel stayed, and waited, and all she got was a transmission thousands of years later. Fuck.

4.) Here We Are In The Future

THE MOVIE IS SU AS ITS BEST AND I WON’T BE SWAYED ON IT. Steven being a teen who loves his weird family but is growing just a bit sarcastic to their drama. The adorable love he and Connie share. His slow realization that he will always be working, always have things to do, is both somber and real. The Crystal Gems won’t be safe with one epic battle. They’ll be safe with years of hard work and love. HIS LITTLE HANDSHAKE WITH AMETHYST.

This is a helluva bop and a great way to summarize the main character’s backstories.

5.) Let’s Only Think About Love

Did ya’ll know that Zach Callison killed his throat with that last note? He gave his all for this performance in a vocal range he no longer comfortably do and by god did it SHINE. The FLAIR. The FORESHADOWING. All of the Gems all being awkward about Rose and Steven trying to bring them to the present. Peridot having a mini-existential crisis in a cute yellow dress. I love Zach Callison’s normal singing voice but man is that a fucking bop. Nothing will ever beat it.

6.) Here Comes A Thought

This bad boy helped me out a LOT with some mental issues I was dealing with in high school. I was unmedicated, unsupervised, and full of anxiety. I’d have break downs when I tried to speak about certain things. I couldn’t function. This song inspired me. It helped me feel okay with my intrusive thoughts.

And the episode! -chef’s kiss-. Once again bringing up the morally gray area of training child soldiers. Connie expanding her social group. Steven’s trauma hauling ass in that second half. The ANIMATION. Stevonnie’s gorgeous singing voice. GOD yes.

7.) It’s Over Isn’t It?

Just barely squeaking above Stronger Than You, this ballad is everything gorgeous. The whole episode is. I think Mr. Greg stands in the top five of my episodes for the entire show. It even got nominated!

There’s just so much about this song that I love. The gentle melancholy of Pearl’s voice. How the crew had to redo the shots for this bit bc Deedee went so fucking hard. The hard cuts between Pearl, remembering the love of her life, and Steven, who has begun to feel like he took her away. I’d recommend this song to anyone, regardless of what they do or don’t know about SU, simply bc it tugs so many heartstrings of love, loss, and responsibility.

8.) Stronger Than You

Did you realize this episode aired SEVEN years ago? This bitch was what got me into SU! Hearing about Ruby and Sapphire made my little gay heart so happy inside, and then getting a whole song confirming that they were a couple, that their love powered the strongest Gem on the team? Aaaaaaaaa

To this DAY I get excited when I hear Estelle start singing. This song is timeless. This song will live in media history. God I fucking love this song.

9.) Other Friends

I’m not the biggest musical person, so I hadn’t heard of Sarah Stiles before her casting as Spinel, but JESUS CHRIST the lady went hard. She went SO fucking hard. Sarah Stiles started on 100 and somehow just kept CLIMBING. You can just hear the sheer manic energy building in her voice, the anger and resentment. 10/10 Sarah Stiles is a queen.

10.) Independent Together

This made the list entirely bc the crew was like “you’re gonna get a himbo ass Steven-Greg fusion singing with Opal while Garnet flies across the moon on Lion while floating” and I am forever thankful to them for it

11.) Who We Are

Bismuth deserved more songs. ‘Nuff said.

12.) Peace and Love (On the Planet Earth)

It Could’ve been Great is EASILY one of my favorite s2 episodes. I love the entire concept of this song. Of Steven making music to reflect how much Earth means to him and his family. Of him teaching Peridot some self-care. Also Peridot’s singing voice is really cute and squeaky. 

I know it’s silly, but I would’ve really enjoyed a flip around of this in Future! Like Peridot reminding Steven how much he loves music, that he needs to take time to relax for himself, maybe with a new verse or just a remix of the original song!

13.) Something Entirely New

I watched this episode as it aired, and I legitimately almost cried. I love Charlyne Yi’s voice so much ya’ll- her raspy, not perfect singing voice against Sapphire’s deep soothing lull is great.

And to have Ruby and Sapphire’s meeting be the way it was- for Ruby to bemoan Sapphire losing Homeworld, to being stuck with a single Ruby, while Sapphire is a noble who has always been taught everyone in her “caste” is vitally important (and has, in her own mind, taken that to mean every Gem, as she should) and how they come together and make each other happy. Good shit good shit.

14.) I’m Just a Comet

The fact that Greg’s music career never really blasted off pisses me off to this day bc Tom Scharpling’s voice is fucking BUTTER. Also the song really feels like a jab at his parents now that we know the kind of dynamic he had growing up. “This life in the stars if all I’ve ever known” is definitely him wiping away their existence after reminding them (and himself) the things they used to say about him.

15.) Do It For Her

This episode. This fucking episode. This episode got me permanently hooked on SU. I’d just binged season 1 and was kinda meh about it overall after the bop of Stronger Than You. “Oh,” I thought to myself, foolishly, “I’ll probably just casually watch this from time to time.”

Like three days later Sworn to the Sword aired and that was it. I was hooked! Pearl’s gentle training song turning darker and darker, Connie’s accompaniment from nervous to determined to fully into such a toxic mindset. The fact that SU had the BALLS to discuss the repercussions of training child soldiers, now and later. This episode was everything to me, STILL is everything to me.

Six years and well over 100 fanfics written later, I think it’s safe to say this show swallowed me whole and never let go.

16.) System/Boot.pearl_final(3)

I debated putting this on the list because it’s not anything crazy important, just a way to show things are Wrong, but I had to do it entirely bc Pearl is so damn SALTY.

Like telling us about the Gems makes sense, she felt like she was given a duty, but she went so damn petty. WHY is that Ruby alone. Gross. This Amethyst is a trash dump. Wtf are you people.

17.) Full Disclosure

This episode really feels like a turning point for SU. Before, the show had its dark moments- but now we’re in the thick of it, and it’s not going away. Full Disclosure felt like an rebuff to the idea of returning to any normal we’d established in season 1. Gems are actually a giant species now. Gems tried to kill us now. There’s this Yellow Diamond bitch who got namedropped. Something about a Cluster. 

The song itself is BALLER, with its ingenious use of Steven’s ringtone and photos as he tries to decide whether to clue in Connie on all this nonsense. Meanwhile we, the audience, already know damn well Connie about to yeet some common sense into him.

18.) What’s the Use of Feeling Blue?

I’mma admit it- I’m a Yellow Diamond stan. I’ve always loved her- her anger, her poise, her hardworking nature. I actively argued against the “Yellow Shattered Pink” theories back in the day. But, man, when this arc leaked? I got so overexcited I was too jittery to watch it for like two days. It’s easily my favorite arc of the series. The sheer alien nature of the zoo, the Famethyst, and absolutely Patti Lupone’s beautiful ballad. Goddamn. Yellow singing to Blue to try and help her regain her old status, the warble in her voice as she reminds Blue she misses Pink too, the movement of the bubbles as she talks about attack. It gives me shivers to this day. FUCK.

19.) Tower of Mistakes

This is, fun fact, that only SU song I have completely memorized. The story itself is kinda funny! See, we lost internet at my house for a solid 5 to 6 months when these episodes aired, so I only got a very brief window to view them all. But this was the first Amethyst song in a long while, and I didn’t want to forget it! So I keep replaying it in my head for ages. And that’s still definitely a thing.

Anyway will never not be sad that this entire song was about making it up to Garnet for Amethyst’s perceived slights with Sugilite (which was a two-way road), only for Garnet to pressure her into fusion later when pissed and never discuss it again bc Garnet probably never thought twice about it and Amethyst has the emotional openness of a clam that’s just been told its ugly. Helluva way to make someone feel like shit, G. Helluva way to bottle that shit, Ames.

20.) On the Run

I’ve said it once, I’ve said it a million times: Amethyst! Needed! More! Songs! 

The dichotomy between Steven’s play and Amethyst’s honest desire to run away from home is so well-done, especially when you consider a lot of Steven and Amethyst’s actions are playing together. The song is also near and dear to me simply bc it’s my favorite Amethyst episode to exist (well, maybe second to What’s Your Problem, but not by much). Moments like these are all the proof I need that they were right to fuse first.

21.) Be Wherever You Are

This tune really just feels like an ode to who Steven was as a kid. Trapped on an island with no way home, and he’s just happy to be with his friends. The stars are beautiful and not oppressive. Also that one animatic with Lars and the Off Colors playing in the Homeworld Kindergarten to this music was iconic and made this song get stuck in my head for a solid month.

22.) Familiar

I ADORE how the crew use bright neon colors to show how alien Homeworld can be. And Steven recognizing that the Diamonds treat him how the CGs used to, and how prepared he is to “fix” a broken family. It’s a soft, gentle tune about melancholy. Also the Pebbles are beautiful.

23.) Let Me Drive My Van Into Your Heart

Such a cute little love ballad, but every time I listen to it now I just imagine the heart attack Rose must’ve had at the line “And if we look out of place/Well, baby, that's okay/I'll drive us into outer space.” like there’s a Vietnam war flashback if I ever heard one

24.) What Can I Do?

I’m kind of neutral on this one? Rose and Greg both have great voices, but the song itself lacks many lyrics. I think it was definitely a good way to show Rose’s flaws in thinking.

Also, I’m shocked they managed cram that much vaguely sexual innuendo into two minutes, followed by how Not Hetereo that dance between Rose and Pearl was, and not get their asses chewed by it. You go guys.

25.) Cookie Cat

I love a lot of the vibes this song has. The lyrics are so damn prophetic, but they also sound like the kind of weird 90s commercials I grew up on. It’s been like two decades since I saw the Shirley Temple commercial but I’ll be damned if I don’t remember “Animals crackers in my soup! Monkey and rabbits loop-de-loop.”

26.) Giant Woman

I am. NOT the biggest fan of Steven’s original singing voice. I feel bad saying that, since it was just Zach Callison as a kid, but he never jived well with me for some reason. So I wouldn’t listen to this on the fly. 

The song itself is still really good though, with all sorts of fun animation of Amethyst and Pearl being bitchy to each other. It’s a bit sad in hindsight to see tiny Steven trying to get his moms to get along. Ahh, season 1.

27.) Strong in the Real Way

This song has SUCH a strong start. Pearl reflecting on Sugilite’s problems, but the show making sure to show us that Pearl’s lack of enthusiasm towards her also lends itself to jealousy as well as just general malaise. How much she cares about Steven, and wants him to grow up strong. 

And then Steven just kinda. Ruins it? I appreciate his enthusiasm for tryna bulk up but to take what was starting as such a rich, personal song and broadcasting it to random strangers just makes me a bit sad. Almost a bit angry on her behalf?

28.) That Distant Shore

I KNOW this is gonna create some discourse, but I’m just not the biggest Lapis stan. I love her voice. I love the visuals of the song. And I get why she felt afraid and needed to flee.

But Lapis never got to take responsibility for her own actions. And, in the end, the song feels hollow to me- because we all know she’ll never talk to anyone about it, know she’ll burst back in and destroy the barn, and no one will ever question it. I like Lapis a lot, but I feel like her arc never was fully finished. She never got help. She never learned to feel safe.

29.) Dear Old Dad

I’ve yet to meet a single human being who likes this episode tbh. There’s some great discussion about what kind of parent Greg is from it, and what kind of dynamic he has with the Gems that he felt he had to fake an injury to hang out with his son. Honestly the first half was fine and dandy. It’s just that then they Greg just went out of his way to drag Steven away from missions and such. It never jived well with his character before or after.

Also, is it just me, or does Zach himself sound like he hates the song as he sings it? There’s no passion or heart in his voice. It sounds like they told him to read off cue cards and he did. Tom Scharpling’s best attempts didn’t save this one for being a skipper. But the episode, unfortunately, isn’t, so it gets a spot on here.

[missymurphy1985]

The Lesson

After breaking up with your long-term boyfriend, you finally found the courage to enrol at university, studying Modern Theatre. Your life now taking an unexpected detour to its original plan of marriage, babies, settling down. This is going to be an interesting year.

Tag List (message me to be added): @queenshelby @peakyscillian @ntmynouis @margoo0 @cloudofdisney

Warnings - smut / teacher.student relationship

Main Characters - Cillian Murphy (he's 35 and single for the purpose of this fic, no children)

"Hey!!! Over here!!" You heard Sarah, your best friend, shouting from the other side of the hall and made your way over.

"Thank god, I was starting to think I'd gone to the wrong place! This place is huge!!" You laughed as you hugged each other. Your bag slung over your shoulder, you linked arms with Sarah with your other arm as you made your way down to the Lecture Theatre.

"So how are you feeling?" Sarah asked.

"Nervous! I never, in a million years, thought I'd be doing this! I feel so old!" You laughed. At 26, you were easily the oldest student here, but Sarah laughed your worries away.

"Trust me, you're not. Once they revealed who the teacher was going to be this semester, a fair few extra people signed up to do that course y/n!" You looked at her confused.

"What, Mr Allen?? He's about 75 isn't he?" Sarah laughed again and left you at the door to your classroom, making her way to her own Design Studio at the bottom of the corridor to teach her own class.

"You'll see when you get inside!" She called behind her, smiling.

You took your seats near the front of the room, looking behind you you could see a gaggle of ladies in the back corner, all of them easily over the age of 40 with no clear interest at all in the subject at hand. They were all giggling like children.. this was going to be fun, you thought, rolling your eyes. Turning back round, you caught a glimpse of a dark haired man making his way through the door at the back of the room. As he made his way to the desk in the centre of the stage area in front of the students, you couldn't help but gasp a little. Jesus he was cute....

The ladies at the back squealed in delight and the man rolled his eyes.

"Right then, let's make a few things clear from the off shall we folks?" He spoke, his Irish accent booming through the auditorium. Everyone fell silent.

"I have a passion for the arts - I've been involved with them since I was 19. I'm here to teach you all I've learned over the last 16years and I plan on teaching it to like minded, dedicated people. People who want to make a career out of the beauty that is theatre. Those of you here simply to catch a glimpse of anything OTHER than a teacher doing his job, the doors at the back of the room." He stood still, leaning against the desk. The gasp at the back of the room was so loud, you couldn't help but giggle a little. Busted ladies. They all whispered to each other, a few of them glaring in the man's direction as they made their way to the back of the room. Slowly but surely, a few others also left sheepishly, men included, and you couldn't help but notice the man smiling a little underneath his floppy brown hair and round glasses. Who was this man??

"Now that's taken care of, I'm hoping I'm left with students that are here to learn the theatre and nothing else..." He paused, looking round the room. His eyes met yours and he paused for a second, raising his eyebrow slightly. You were now the oldest in the room, and you felt even more out of place. You kept a straight face, and maintained the eye contact with him. He wasn't bullying YOU out of here, you didn't care who he THOUGHT he was.

"Right... Well we'd better get going then!" His demeanour changed, he smiled broadly clapping his hands together. "My name's Cillian Murphy - please for the love of God call me Cillian... Mr Murphy is my Dad and I'm not quite ready for that level of old yet." A few chuckles in the room - that tension was gone. "This isn't the first time I've done a class like this, and I've had to evict people part way through for.. ah.. shall we say inappropriate behaviour. Wanted to nip that in the bud from the offset, so I apologise to you all now for the way the class started. Now, do you all have the textbooks the school sent out last month? Let's start on page 35 shall we?" The class, including you, opened the books in unison to find the chapter on Lighting and Sound. Cillian glanced back over at you, a look of uncertainty on his face. You could feel him staring, but refused to look up at him.

"So how are your classes going y/n?" Your mum walked into your apartment to find you studying, book one side, laptop the other and you making notes in the middle of your desk in the corner of the room. You'd given her a key a month prior so she could let your dog, Juno, out during the day while you were at uni.

"It's hard work! I had no idea there was so much to learn about the theatre, they make it look so easy!!"

Your mum laughed and went to the kitchen to put the kettle on for you both. Kicking back, you allowed yourself a break after 3 hours studying and met your mum at the small breakfast bar.

"I hear you have a new teacher too? Cillian Murphy?"

"Yeah, he's amazing! He's been there and done it all mum, the stories he tells are fascinating!"

"You know who he is, right?" You did know. You'd googled him when you got home after that first lesson. Pretty big hot shot actor, but you weren't bothered. He seemed pretty down to earth and normal to you.

"Yep I know - you'd never think it though, he's so... Normal I guess?"

"Cute too."

"Mother! Behave!" You both giggled. You couldn't deny he was very attractive though - but you could tell he was a professional. No way had he even looked at you that way - in fact you were convinced he thought you were there purely for him, rather than the course, so you were even more determined to pass this semester with flying colours to prove a point.

The following weeks were filled with more information than you could get your head around. You hated to admit it, but you were struggling to keep up. You hated admitting defeat, but you were really starting to wonder if you could carry on at this pace. Your work was starting to slip, and Cillian had noticed it too, much to your dismay. He'd called a 1-2-1 with you this afternoon, and you were convinced he was going to pull you from the course. You knocked on the door of his office, the defeat written all over your face.

"Come in y/n.."

"Hi.." you tried to smile as you sat across from him. He had your latest piece of coursework in front of him on the desk and he was leaning back in the chair, eyeing you through the rims of his round glasses. Standing up, he made his was over to the drinks cabinet in the corner of the room and pulled out a bottle of Irish Whiskey. You watched him, silently, as he put two glasses on the desk.

"Shouldn't be drinking this during the day, but felt the need. Want one?" You smiled, nodding your head.

"Conversation is clearly not going to be a fun one, no?"

"What makes you say that? I'm just lightening the mood y/n, you walked in here looking like you were going to either cry or knock me out!" He laughed, and offered you the glass. You took it, and sat it in your hands. Your fingers connected and you forced down a gasp at the contact. You'd refused to show him any kind of attraction but it was difficult while he was sat so close to you.

"Listen, I know I'm falling behind Cillian, I'll make it up I promise -"

"Stop. It's okay. Yes, your marks are dropping slightly, but not by much, okay? I'm seeing real potential in you. I invited you here to talk to you about some extra classes to help bump you back to where you need to be. What do you say?" He took a sip of the whiskey and so did you. Relief washing through you as the warm liquid fell down your throat. Hopefully it hid the blush in your cheeks.

"Um.. wow... Okay.. yeah! That'd be great, thank you!" He smiled again. God that smile... Stop it y/n.. he's your teacher, stop.. he sat back down at his desk and handed you a book.

"Great! I've put my phone number on the inside cover. Have a read of this, and call me when you're done. I think you'll like it." You took the book and smiled. A history of Modern Theatre. You agreed, definitely an interesting read.

"Is it classed as 'appropriate' for a teacher to give a student his phone number, Cillian?" You smirked, referring to his opening outburst on that first day. He chuckled.

"Maybe not, but I'm not a teacher, I'm an actor helping out the local university for a semester while the actual teacher takes a leave of absence." You'd heard Mr Allen had fallen ill, Cillian was just a temporary stand in for three months. Nothing permanent. "I have a new job starting in January, I'll be done here by Christmas." You couldn't help but feel a bit sad at the thought of him not being around anymore. Without admitting it, you'd looked forward to seeing him every day in class. He stood again, and raised his glass in a toast. You raised yours.

"What are we drinking to?"

"You. We're drinking to you y/n. I'm telling you, I'm seeing some real potential with you - you're going far, just need to focus more on the content, that's all." You blushed again.. was that the reason you were distracted? Him? Maybe. "Meet me back here tonight, around 4:30? Should be done with marking by then, we can make a start?" You agreed, a nervous knot forming in your stomach.

**************************************

You'd been having your 1-2-1 meetings with Cillian for more than a month now, and your marks were certainly improving. You had finished the book he gave you, but you hadn't plucked up the courage to text him yet. Watching TV alone in your apartment one evening, you downed your third glass of wine and picked up your phone. He wouldn't have given you the number if he didn't expect you to use it, come on y/n...

"Hey Cillian? Just letting you know I finished the book. Really good read, thank you! I'll have it back with you in the morning. And thank you for spending time with me helping to improve my marks too, it's really helped. Y/n x" pressing send, you cursed yourself, why the hell did you put a X at the end!!! You cursed again when it was delivered... Then again when its status changed to 'read'... Oh crap... A reply.

"Glad you liked it! It's been a pleasure, you're doing a great job! Cx." He put one on his text too... Come on y/n, you're not a teenager anymore, get a grip of yourself!!! Your phone pinged again.

"Looking forward to seeing you tomorrow xx" 2 kisses? Ping.. "Maybe we can finish more than your coursework.x" What did that mean? Was he flirting with you?

"What did you have in mind? X"

"There's still half a bottle of whiskey in the cupboard, shame to let it go to waste X"

"I don't think you'd be able to keep up with me Cillian 😉" you typed, feeling a bit braver.

"Challenge accepted y/n. I'll see you tomorrow afternoon X" you knew his stint at the university was coming to a close, was he flirting with you?

****************************************

You knocked Cillian's office door at 4:30 sharp, knowing how much of a stickler he was for punctuality. You felt nervous, after your texts last night you didn't know what to expect - was he flirting or were you just overthinking it? The door opened, and he stood aside to welcome you in, a smile on his face as he greeted you.

"Good to see you y/n, come on in!" He walked to the cabinet in the corner. "I never turn down a challenge, you in?" You smiled, nodding, as he poured two glasses.

"Good job I left the car at home this morning," you chuckled as he brought his glass to meet yours. Both of you sinking it down in one, you grimaced as the liquid slipped down your throat and he took the glass from you to pour another.

"We'll take this one a bit slower y/n, what do you say?" His eyes darkened slightly, the alcohol clearly having an effect. You couldn't help the warm feeling running through your groin as he licked his lips to clear them of the whiskey remnants that sat on them.

"Whatever you say sir.." he glanced up at you as you said 'sir', and leaned against the desk.

"Sir? Since when did you call me sir?" He tilted his head back slightly, glass swirling in his hand. You sipped your drink and stood to face him, confidence growing. You could see his attraction towards you, and you decided to go with it.

"Since you decided to try and seduce your student... Sir." He swallowed hard, the game clearly up, watching you take a step towards him. Your bodies inches apart, he brought his hand up to rest on your hip, pulling you that little bit closer.

"Probably shouldn't have put kisses on a text to your teacher, then, should you.."

"Probably shouldn't have given me your phone number then, should you.." the air was hot now, your bodies touching gently, your breathing becoming deeper. You brought your hands to his chest, over his shoulders, and he quickly spun you round so you were now sat on his desk. His lips found yours and he ground his hips against your core, your legs parted allowing him access, skirt hitched up to your waist.

"I've wanted you since that first day... Fuck y/n you're beautiful... Sexy... Smart..." He kissed your neck between each word, breathing becoming hot and heavy. Suddenly stopping, he kissed your lips before making his way to the door, turning the key in the lock, before coming back to finish what you started. Unbuttoning your blouse and opening it, his hand snaked around your breasts, underneath the black lace bra. Groaning slightly, he moved his hands lower, down your abdomen.

"Leave as much on as possible... I'm taking you on this desk, right now.. you okay with that?"

"Like I said sir, I don't know if you'll be able to keep up with me.." your leg pushed him away slightly as you stood up, pushing him against the wall. You sank to your knees, taking his trousers and boxer shorts down with them, his cock springing up, twitching, begging for attention. Gasping, he watched you lick a circle around the swollen head, down the shaft, before taking one of his balls into your mouth and sucking lightly. His hand in your hair now, pulling it gently as he groaned. You continued teasing him with your tongue, before taking the tip of his cock into your mouth, giving it a hard suck, releasing it with a pop, sending his head back against the wall.

"Fuck... Take it y/n.. take it down..." You smiled, before sinking your mouth over his cock, all the way down the back of your throat, groaning into it sending shockwaves through him.

"Lets see how much you can take..." You sucked harder, not giving him time to react. Moving your head quickly up and down his shaft, you felt your core begin to leak, you'd never felt as turned on in your life as you did right now. You felt his legs start to shake...

"Yes.. fuck yes... Feels so good baby... Suck it... Harder.. god fuck yes..." His balls tightened, you could feel him trying to pull back but you held him firm with your hands on his hips, willing him to empty into you. "I'm gonna... You might... Jesus.... Fuck...." He came hard, gripping your hair for support as he came hard, you felt his cum shoot in the back of your throat and swallowed as much as you could, some of it spilling down your chin. You pulled your mouth away, holding your mouth slightly open so he could see his cum on your tongue before swallowing it back down.

"That was... My god... Fuck y/n..."

"Oh you will sir, you definitely will. I'm not done with you yet.." you stood up and sat back on the desk, legs parted again to reveal your core to him, completely bare. He didn't see you remove your underwear while you were sucking him, but he wasn't complaining. Gathering himself, he moved to stand between your legs and pulled your lips to his, kissing you passionately, tasting a little of himself in the process and feeling surprisingly aroused from it. He moved his mouth down to your core, running his tongue along your open slot painfully slowly.

"Cillian... Please... Need to cum...."

"You will, baby, oh you will..." You moved your hands to his soft, floppy hair and pulled his face where you needed it. He loved you taking control and took your clit with his tongue, pressing it, rolling it around his tongue as he felt you begin to shake. You lifted a leg onto the desk to give him better access, and he inserted two fingers inside you, tipping them up to meet your g spot deep inside, emitting a sharp cry from you as you three your head back.

"Yes!!! Oh god yes... Right there... Fuck!!" Your hips were involuntarily rolling against his face now, riding his tongue as he brought you more pleasure than you thought was possible. Within minutes, your orgasm was building, and sensing it, he pumped his fingers harder against that one spot that was making you see stars. Three pumps and you came hard against his face, liquid flowing from you like a waterfall, hitting the floor underneath you as you screamed Cillians name. He leaned back on his ankles, watching you coming undone, smiling. Once you'd caught your breath, your eyes fell onto his his.

"Feeling proud of yourself there Mr Murphy?" You smiled. He stood between your thighs again.

"Extremely. But I'm not done with you yet. Turn around y/n." His blue eyes darker now. Your core throbbed, knowing what was coming. Standing up, turning round, you bent over his desk, his hands parting your legs. Taking a condom from his bag behind him, you heard the packet rip open and you rotated your hips, teasing him. He groaned deeply as he started to push his length into you, inch by inch.

"Ohh... Oh god..." You weren't ready for his size, you legs parting as much as possible. Inch by inch he pushed, allowing you to adjust, before bottoming out, his balls resting near your still throbbing clit.

"I'm gonna fuck you hard against this desk, y/n... You're gonna take every thrust like the good girl you are..." You bucked your hips up and he responded by pulling his cock nearly out, and thrusting back in powerfully enough to make you scream his name. Picking up the pace, he leaned over to grab your hair in his hand, giving it a sharp tug as he thrust into you from behind over and over, relentlessly.

"Harder... Cillian harder!!! Fucking... Oh god yes!!!" Loving the sound of your cries and the feel of your pussy contracting around his cock, he knew you were close to another orgasm.

"Rub yourself... Rub your clit baby, make yourself cum for me..." You reached a hand round to your core and found that bundle of nerves. Circling it hard, your orgasm built up again and you swore you saw stars.

"Good girl.... That's it baby... Let it go, I've got you... Let it go...." That was all you needed to hear. You came hard, and he couldn't hold back once he felt your walls contracting round him. "I'm... Oh y/n yes... Yes!" He stilled, you felt his cock pulsate, filling the condom. Both of you breathless, he fell forwards resting against your back.

He pulled out gently, pulling the condom off and disposing of it in the bin, he chuckled slightly.

"Remind me to empty the bin before we leave... I don't think the cleaner will expect to see that in there in the morning!" You laughed too, standing up to face him.

"That was incredible... Just amazing..." You rested your head against his shoulder as he wrapped his arms around your waist, kissing your hair gently.

"I enjoyed that too y/n.. and I'd really like to see you again, if you'll let me?"

"I'd like that..." You smiled. You'd convinced yourself if anything happened it would probably be a one time thing, I mean he was a famous actor, what would he want with you? You had no illusions going into this.

"My teaching finishes here in 2 weeks - what do you say I take you out for dinner when it's done?"

"Sounds like a plan Cillian. But am I supposed to stay away until then?"

"Definitely not, y/n, we've still got a few 1-2-1 sessions to squeeze in before I leave..." He leaned down to kiss you, pushing you back against the desk again. His erection pressing against your core again. "It would appear I'm able to keep up after all y/n..."

[oblivions-dawn]

🖊 🖊 🖊 🖊 🖊 🖊 🖊

[SLAMS PENS INTO SENU’S HANDS]

[scoops up the pens] The power . . . (◕‿◕) Oh yeah. It's all coming together.

🖊 I definitely DON'T have another Skyrim fanfiction in the works I definitely don't--okay, fine, yes, I do. It's slow going because I HATE my introduction right now aaaaand haven't come up with how to fix it. Shatha is my Argonian Listener and she's GREAT. She's a little crazy and her backstory is . . . sad, I suppose, but she WILL make an appearance in Petrichor. Don't worry everyone EVERYTHING WILL ALL MAKE SENSE YOU JUST HAVE TO BE PATIENT! I'm really excited to write out Vig and Shatha's interactions [again] because they're very, shall I say, different from each other.

🖊 My eventual Harbinger of the Companions is a Khajiit named Do'Shavir and he loves Teldryn. At some point. But he's the sweetest of all of my OCs. He's genuine, honest, loyal, and good at heart. That means he's hurt easily and loves a lot, so I think the Companions questline would be super tough for him to handle due to all the vengeance and death that he faces. He would manage it though! He knows he has to learn and grow in order to become his very best uwu

🖊 I have a Breton Arch Mage [at the moment, I may tweak him in some ways at some point] named Vinsith and he's kiiiiind of evil. He's deep into the Daedric shit and will do anything to achieve his ends. He's also blind but uses 'magic' to see his way around! He's very charismatic towards everyone, so he's a character that has a mask he puts on for the public eye and is a very dark person in private. Let's just say that the Thalmor would be terrified of him.

🖊 My Thieves Guild Master is an Altmer named Aerwynn! I like her backstory that I've created so far but I may tweak it a little. I also have no idea who all I want her to like or romance or whatever as she's just an indecisive as she sounds. Maybe Brynjolf? Maybe Karliah? Maybe someone else entirely?? I don't know. She won't make up her mind. But she's good at being a thief and so that's why she is granted the rank of Master. I'm not sure how intimately involved she would get with Nocturnal, as I had plans to write her story out too [at some point] and certainly saw myself making changes to the questline [as one does when writing fanfiction eh?].

🖊 OH MY GOD I ALMOST FORGOT TO MENTION YOTUL!! As I'm sure everyone that has read up to chapter 5 has noticed, Yotul is not a character in the game! She's my own character, and one that I created to act as an interesting arch-nemesis to Vigdis [and Serana too]. Feran talked a little bit about what he knew of her. She's an Orsimer that's absolutely dedicated to Harkon after he saved her life and will prove to be a tough enemy. She won't play a huge part for the time being, but I do intend on having her cause problems for our favourite hunter and vampire.

🖊 Everyone should be worried about Vigdis because, seriously, I have so much planned for her. Perhaps too much. I know right now she's not really acting as the Dragonborn and is just a boring and sassy vampire hunter, but that will come into play in due time. In fact, if you have sharp eyes, it already has at least once OwO It's the little hints here and there that point to her being the Dragonborn--although they are a bit obscure and are kind of my own headcanons anyway so . . . IT WILL ALL MAKE SENSE SOME DAY AHAHAHAH [coughs] I'm fine

🖊 I also have two fraternal twins--one that's a Bard at the Bard's College and the other that ends up joining The Blades. I forget their names right now and I'm too lazy to pull up the document with all this information, but they're Bosmer! The guy that joins the Blades is a bit of a little bitch, but at least his sister is mellow and nice lsjgkdlgjl

🖊 LOOK! AN EXTRA PEN!! I have a Snow Elf OC whom I've shared photos of here named Helthune. She's been through a lot [I'm sorry for making you suffer--]. At some point I plan for her to end up in Gelebor's care, who becomes her adoptive dad because she DESERVES that, at the very least. Plus he seems like he's great dad material. Don't you think??

Uh oh. It seems I've run out of ink despite having an extra pen. [shoves empty pens into back pocket] Until next time.

[i-need-air]

Oh-- I really really -really- liked your wolf hybrid Bakugou and-- if you don't mind, can you do one on Kirishima? Just the general headcanons, if this is too bothersome then you can ignore this once again- thank you

Just general headcanons you say? Okay, I had this written 2k words in before I got this ask and now it's at... ehem, let me take a deep breath for this;

Word count: 3.5k 💀 [of HCs 💀💀💀]

Why do I keep doing this to myself aksdjkd I love Kiri so much, my god! Thanks for the ask!! 💗

[ Masterlist ]

Hybrid!AU Kirishima Eijirou HCs

× i mentioned him as a dog hybrid and we're sticking with it because it just feels right, yano? anyway!

× you found out about how the new hybrid shelter in your city helped bust a fighting ring

× which was horrifying to think about

× one of your friends explained the process to you and you were definitely interested in helping someone out

× shelters were still underfunded and didn't provide much to help the hybrids adapt to society

× so you found yourself in front of the shelter without a plan

× just a dream and a spare couch that could thankfully convert into a bed

× before you could chicken out you stormed through the doors like a mad person, catching the attention of the guards and the front desk man

× it surprised you how disinterested they were though; were they seriously the people that dismantled a whole illegal fighting ring?

× they called a sweet old lady to accompany you

× when you explained your situation her eyes sparkled, looking you up and down and nodding her head

× she took you through some hallways, showing you around the precinct, questioning you about what type of hybrid you'd want

× to which you honestly didn't know how to respond, like anyone you could help????

× it kinda pissed you off how she spoke about the hybrids like they were pets, suggesting you'd get a kitty or a bunny, since [her words] they were low maintenance

× is this really a good shelter?

× you looked around, finding prison like cells left and right, some with people that looked at you curiously, some covering from your glance

× they were locked in...

× some growling could be heard far away but the woman shook her head at you, disapproving gaze turned to the side as she took you further into the building

× another room, this time cells were bigger, a few occupied, yet covered from you, indiferent and uninterested

× a man was sitting on the edge of the bed, hands in his hair

× "Kirishima, boy, get up to greet someone"

× his red eyes snapped up, whatever he was thinking about slowly forgotten

× he blinked curiously as you hugged your frame, feeling uncomfortable, even ashamed to be there

× but a sweet smile took over his features

× "Hey! I'm Kirishima Eijirou!"

× it's really all it took for you to grow fond of him; he got up and came closer to the entrance of the cell and introduced himself in such easy-going manner you forgot about everything and anything

× he calmed you with his presence, even if it was very disheveled, with old ripped clothes and hair messy, painted red with obvious dark roots showing

× he had a black fluffy tail waving slowly behind him too

× you introduce yourself with his encouragement and mumbled how you wanted to help someone out today

× he just smiled at you, taking you in

× let me tell you something about dog hybrids: they can sense emotions and intentions so Kiri would be a very good judge of character and he really, genuinely took a liking on you

× the problem is how the fuck do you say out loud that you wanted to help him out

× because you sure as hell weren't going to say you'd adopt him; he's not a child? we're talking about a grown ass man here? literally looked like 6'4ft/1.95m?????

× it was so shameful, your gut turned as you cursed society and he sensed it, expression changing, falling a little as he saw you look very out of place

× "Hey, hey, everything's gonna be fine!" he said

× he told YOU that

× instead of YOU telling HIM those words;;; you almost burst into ugly crying, forgetting about everything else, your minuscule problems or shame or whatever and just nodded at him

× "Would you like to come home with me, Kirishima?" you said, ignoring the happy clapping the old lady was doing, watching carefully how his expression, clear as water, switched from easy-going and reassuring to shocked then hopeful

× "I'd like that" he breathed out "—a lot."

× as you went out the lady was telling him it was a shame they separated his group of friends, something about being sent to different shelters, how he had to be a good boy, to behave, yada-yada and seriously;;; he was taking it so lightheartedly, as if he was so used to this behavior or even was thankful for it?

× it was starting to get annoying, specially when they gave you a collar for him, like no fucking thanks, but you'd take care of it later

× since it was very random and unplanned, you were making mental gymnastics to figure out what to get and what to do first, like clothes, food—

× journey home was pleasant as he walked close to you, asking you questions about yourself with a gentle smile on his features

× meanwhile people got out of both your ways because he was intimidating and big and large but his smile screamed sunshine

× all while he never really mentioned anything about himself

× you made a point to ask him if he was hungry, to grab a quick bite at any restaurant you could get at then go buy some clothes and necessities

× you were so casual and this guy was so shocked

× i swear, looks at you blinking stupidly then ✨beams✨

× spoiler alert; big boy was hungry

× it didn't matter honestly, just seeing him eat without a worry [even if everyone at the restaurant was wary of him but got a stink eye from you] was a relief

× since you answered his questions about you, you decided to ask some about him; you were going to be roomies soon so might as well get to know each other

× shocked again

× stops mid-bite when you ask him something and stares wide-eyed

× doesn't answer but you can see he wants to and you're confused??

× "did I—... did I say something wrong?" you'd press, scared you'd spook him away or something

× he just gulps down and looks ashamed

× casually tells you they've been told at the shelter owners don't care about them

× 🙃 say what now bby?

× he kinda starts apologizing because he understands why you wouldn't wanna know and you put your hand on his; kinda mutes him for a second

× "Kirishima, we're gonna live together and hopefully be friends in the process, right? I'd like to know about you, as much as you're willing to tell me"

× [ falls in love right then and there ]

× he's met humans before, many actually—

× even in the short weeks he's been at the shelter he's seen people come and go and none talked to him like you did

× stares with stars in his eyes and chuckles awkwardly, blush on his face

× "You're really nice, [Y/N]" he said before eagerly answering your questions; course, it leaves you confused lmfao but you brush past it

× okay! shopping next, long story short it was very hard to find hybrid clothes for his size so you pick to change human clothes and adjust them for him

× as you again mention this stuff casually he's just awestruck

× when you got home, bags in hand, you were explaining to him how you really didn't have much; you were working to get a promotion soon but for now you had a couch that could open up into a very comfy bed, which he assured you it was enough

× you were lowkey unsure if he fit it because like i mentioned, big boi is big

× he does! so that's a relief but you started considering giving him your bed; you mostly fell asleep on the couch anyway and to be fair, it was really comfortable and you mention it as he looks around

× his head snaps at you, wide eyed, yet does not talk

× so you ramble bc that's something fun to do! "I mean I went to the shelter without a plan and uh, I want you to feel as comfortable as possible and maybe the bed is a better fit and—"

× Kirishima Eijirou sees: 💕💞💕💞💕💞💕

× has never been treated like this, like he's an... equal... something he'll take months to share with you, but we're getting ahead of ourselves

× the thing is this boy will fall pretty hard pretty fast, but will definitely take time to make a move

× bc he is respectful

× so he thanks you for the offer and tells you it's probably the best place he slept in all his life

× can your heart stop breaking for him? i mean it's a good couch but it's no luxury hotel bed???

× [ we need to pause, OP made herself sad ]

× ok, so he's really helpful around the house, and he knows how to cook!

× takes no time to talk about his friends, special his best friend that cooked for everyone at the fighting ring and forced them all to help and that's how he was pretty decent at cooking himself

× wasn't the best though, but followed instructions like a boss

× he lives for your compliments

× literally his tail wiggles with no shame

× seriously;; tell him he did a good job even at the dumbest thing and—

× puffs chest

× wiggle-wiggle

× "Thanks!"

× 🥺💕💞 make him stop, he's so cute

× did i mention he has like floppy black ears? Omg his earsssssssssshnnngggggggggg

× because they move whenever he walks and they're mesmerizing

× and one day that you're observing them for science [not because your heart was like 💘pom-pom💘] you noticed his roots

× remember when your heart broke for him? hah, have some more because as you asked him, he started telling you that he was pushed into dying his hair red for the spectacle, diversity and what-not

× reassured you he grew to love it now, being part of who he is

× also gets a little bit shy when adding he wouldn't want to change the color in hopes of finding his friends someday and for him to be easily recognizable

× you bought him hair dye that same day

× WHICH! apart from gaining extra 🥺💕💞 from him, it created a nice routine between you two!!

× you offered to dye his hair and it was such a great time; he made you laugh, conversation going just as easy whenever you talked, you got to know each other a little bit more and—

× heh

× at the end, after applying all the red hair dye, you massaged his scalp gently

× guess who melts in your hands? yes, giant ass dog-man melts into a puddle under your hands and it's the cutest fucking thing you've ever seen

× I'm serious, he sighs and leans into your gloved hands with zero [0] shame, eyes closed and peaceful expression on his features apart from a small smile

× you tease him and he laughs it off, but promise him you'd give him head scratches when he was finished with the dye, washed off and hair dry

× and you better deliver

× "Don't think I forgot!" he'd say as he'd hop on his make-shift bed in the living room by your side, tail moving from side to side

× as you start playing with his locks, he falls into your lap and starts snoring

× move an inch and he opens his eyes to look at you confused

× puppy eyes questioning you if you're leaving 🥺

× yep, you fall asleep together

× you point out to yourself that those puppy eyes will be the death of you

× he's a touchy guy, okay? since he's been touchy with you from the very start you never questioned it, even read on the internet that many hybrids descended from house pets need physical affection, like hugs, pats, scratches, all the bag, so it wasn't a big deal for you

× except it was a big deal because he's been around for a month and you're already catching feelings and that's bad because you did not bring him there to fall for him but to help him start a new life and—

× oh my god, what if he thought you were one of those people from the horror stories about hybrid adoption that only wanted them for one thing—

× no, no, no, nO, NO.

× anxiety was getting to you as the guilt of catching feelings for him, plus the fact that he was financially dependant on you for the time which would've made it even worse if he found out, PLUS he comes from such a rough life, he definitely needs a break and doesn't need his first human friend in forever to be a piece of;;;

× Kiri catches on this really constant and increasing feeling of anxiety; he starts to send you worried glances but doesn't know how to proceed

× in such a soft voice he asks if you're okay, if something is on your mind

× and since you weren't sharing anything but acted as if everything was alright even when he felt you lied, Kiri started to get worried too

× why were you anxious? why weren't you talking to him about it?

× oh, god, was he a burden? because he felt like one;;; did you want him out? he felt like an extra weight for you and wanted to do something about it but maybe you got sick of him? he felt unmanly...

× the fact that he knew he cared about you as more than just a friend made him even more anxious and it didn't help that whenever he touched you he heard your breath hitch or your heart beating louder; he got his hopes up then down because

× you smelled like people; people he didn't know, people he wanted to know because he needed to know why did you smell like them? were they a treat? were they potential partners? he really did not want to ask bc Kirishima felt like it wasn't his place to know

× as tension grew in the house you decided to gift him a new phone, ready to give him some news that reached your ears

× it seems Kiri himself liked to do sports and mainly jog to keep himself active and he's started to pass by the local dog-park to play with the dogs

× imagine your surprise when a few neighbors asked you if he'd be willing to train their dogs bc he's been teaching them stuff like once a week and the dogs listened

× big time dog whisperer; he says "Sit" to one dog and all dogs in the neighborhood sit too, you get me?

× so you said it would be nice for him to have his own money; not like you didn't help him without care, but you saw his face every time you bought something for him and really felt like he needed some real independence

× he's in ✨awe✨ because you came up with clients already that were very eager for dog training sessions, which he loved??? and suggested hours, wages??????

× and you gave him this new phone to help him with it if he's interested too?

× "Well, the normal price on the internet around the area is—"

× "[Y/N]."

× "Hmm?"

× "You're really amazing, you know that, right?" he'd have his lips curled into a sweet smile

× which makes your heart go crazy and this man notices how you get flustered

× loves it

× get ready for compliments; a lot of compliments just expecting your sweet flustered reactions

× he's slow at realizing your feelings for him because he beats himself down and seems himself as less of a man but tests the waters nonetheless and a d o r e s every time you struggle to thank him for said compliments and don't know how to continue functioning

× catches on and gets his hopes up

× and so you do

× listen, this is hilarious because you're both dumb idiots and want to be respectful towards the other meanwhile he hugs you tighter and for a little bit too long, loving how you melt into him, kisses you on the cheek and sees you get all flustered, looks at you like you're the only one to ever matter until you stop talking, turning everything into a giant mess of silence until you both grin at each other???? I'm getting second-hand embarrassment, just kiss???????

× and it happened with an accidental kiss

× you greeted him as he walked through the door, excited to tell him about your promotion, rambling about the take-out you ordered while he smiled at you

× and it started to be usual for you to greet him with a kiss on the cheek, right? just what normal roomies do, you know [mhmm~]

× he's taking his shoes off and knows the kiss is coming, but just before you press it on his cheek you whisper/squeal "I got the promotion!" to which he turns his head in surprise at you making your lips press together by accident [mhhhmmmmm~~~]

× cue both of you apologizing, looking like a mess

× he's blushing

× you both loved it

× why are you standing so close to each other?

× why did he lick his lips in daze while staring at yours?

× which one of you was leaning in for another kiss?

× it didn't really matter because he's kissing you slowly, taking you into his arms like you were made of porcelain

× glues his body to yours and breathes you in, lips locked, neither believing it was real

× lifts you up in his arms with no difficulty and smiles, both inches separated from another; "Congratulations..." his breath would fan over your face;;;;

× yeah, okay, he takes no time to confess, resulting in a mess of manly words skdjekldj you guys talked that whole night while cuddling and stealing kisses, you on his lap

× [ his nose brushing your neck; he loves your scent omg ]

× it becomes official pretty much instantly and then all your worries wash away

× all the anxiety, all the stress and overthinking, they've all been sorted out in one night and trust me, afterwards this man is pure honesty and loyalty

× he won't hesitate to talk to you about anything and will be such a patient sweetheart with you, listening to every word you say without judgment

× loves cheesy stuff? as in the most cliché stuff seen in movies? that's his shit right there; whenever you two see each other after some time apart [sometimes 5 minutes apart] he'd pick you in his arms and spin you around, then expect you to kiss him

× if you don't, i will skfjdkfk step aside 👀

× skin contact; please, touch him

× if you're not he sends you those famous puppy eyes and we all know they're killer

× sighs, happy to hold you tight against him, engulfing you into his big frame; yeah, you're where you belong, in his arms.

× everyone in the neighborhood loves him; it's ridiculous, seriously, because you find out he helped around all the time when you were at work and gained everyone's love

× makes an instagram account to teach people how to train their dog and becomes an internet sensation, a small celebrity

× also bc he's hot and sometimes posts working out pics

× skdksjs imagine this: makes dinner for both of you, lits up some candles, goes all in, then fucking posts it on ig saying "waiting for my baby to come home #surprise" forgetting you can see it lmfao

× you see the story on your way home and 🥺💞 "ye i love his oblivious ass"

× soft gasps when you tell him after dinner

× has the audacity to be surprised, like babe????

× Kaminari finds him through social media and this baby cries in relief for a good half an hour

× both team up to find all the gang

× guess who talks praises about you all the time? mhm, this guy right here is proud to have you

× and Denki has to deal with it;

× anywho! want to break him for good? tell him you love him for the first time

× GETS. SO. EXCITED. AND. EMOTIONAL.

× but forgets how to speak

× finds his words to say it back after staring at you entranced, grinning like an idiot, taking you in his arms and giving you a bone crushing hug while shaking in place

× he's never felt this loved and adores every second of it

× you're like a drug and he's deep gone, man

× tells you he loves you every single day

[vidalinav]

Because You’re an Asshole (One-shot)

Contains ACOSF Spoilers. 

Look, Cassian needs to drink some respect Nesta Archeron juice (as they all do). I hope to god he gains some perspective in this book, and he doesn’t continue this stupidity of reducing Nesta to butchery status. (Raises glass) Here’s hoping this lug nut starts making an effort. But this fic is purely self-indulgent because well... I’m the fic writer. So I can do what I want. 

Summary: Nesta rejects Cassian in front of the Inner Circle (Takes place in my head a couple of months after first 6 chapters)

Nesta wouldn’t say she had changed much, but to her sister and their group of friends she’d say she might as well have been a different person. For they pretended not to stare as she arrived with Cassian in tow. Some extraterrestrial creature in the middle of a restaurant.

She greeted the owner, Sevenda, lifting her lips into a polite smile and nodding when she caught Nesta’s gaze.

“Hello, sweet girl,” The female gushed, “I didn’t think you were helping out today... please don’t tell me one of the others conned you into taking their shift.”

Nesta shook her head shyly as Cassian told the female they were meeting the rest of them for a late dinner. Sevenda kissed him on the cheek, and Nesta wondered how one person could show so much affection when she could barely muster a proper laugh.

Truthfully, the only reason she made it to this dinner at all was because Bryaxis had asked her to. He’d been in the middle of telling her how the stars moved on an axis, and how the shadows were often wandering souls. He had so many stories to tell in that dark place in the library, but he’d wanted stories too. He was persistent, pushy…persuasive and Nesta could not let down her new friend when all he wanted to do was know about the outside world.

Nesta knew enough about being ostracized. She felt for the monster for she was a monster too. Cast away to the darkened ends of the library.  

But, Nesta wanted this night to be over. She’d promised Bryaxis ten minutes and ten minutes only. She could survive that long on fake grins.  

She tried not to sigh audibly as Sevenda showed them to the table, where the others already sat. Laughing loudly... then quieting to silence as they neared.

Nesta should have felt offended. But she couldn’t find it in herself to care too much.

The night would be over soon enough anyways.

True, Amren had visited her in the library just last week and they’d been cordial. She saw Mor on a regular basis to winnow to Windhaven, and Azriel was always there. It seemed odd to her now that they stared as if she were someone new. Someone they didn’t know at all.

Perhaps, though, it was because she’d agreed to come in the first place and when she did, she’d allowed Cassian to accompany her there. Though she suspected the offer was more because they were all still wary of her change, her calmness.

Nesta wouldn’t have called it that herself.

She hadn’t stopped being angry, she’d been born angry. Raged and kicked her way to this world.

Nesta just merely stopped... fighting back.

There was a peace in that, she supposed. Even if the thought sometimes made her want to hurt something and then herself for letting it happen.

Most of the time she was just detached enough to smile when someone called her name and when they left she’d go back to staring off into space, the dust like hidden galaxies floating through the filtered sunlight. It was what Nesta liked about the library in truth. That most didn’t bother her when she’d looked out the array of windows, up on those tall ladders, ready to see Velaris in a tiny frame.

In this way, the world was a lot smaller than she’d realized.

Less frightening.

And because the world was less frightening, the people in it, too, were less mean. She’d wandered after her workday, tired, but with a furious curiosity for more, like a hunger she couldn’t satisfy, and she’d ended up here. At Sevenda’s--the female greeting her and offering her a meal, even when Nesta told her she didn’t have the money to pay.

On the house then, the female said.

It was the best meal she’d ever had and Nesta had come back every time she could. Helping with the books, with inventory, while the owner patted her on the shoulder, her cheek, and brought her something new to try. Like a doting grandmother.

It felt odd, she thought seeing the rest in a large booth to the wall. This place, too, did not belong to her...

“No need to order,” the female proclaimed, “I know what you all like.”

Nesta waited for Cassian to scooch into the booth before she sat on the outskirts. Easy access to the door. Easy to leave.

But the others didn’t bother her much. Distantly, as if Nesta was not in the room, she could hear their voices begin again. To each other of course. Never to her. Though she’d accepted it long ago that she would never be what they wanted. They would never be what she needed.  

Cassian laughed. The sound hurting her ears. He never laughed like that with her. Nesta supposed she wasn’t that funny… and she wasn’t really his friend.

Instead, Nesta looked to the restaurant. Alive in all it’s glory. Loud and bright. She looked to the waitstaff. Most of them she’d met already, worked with some of them, and they smiled or waved when they saw her. Nesta lifted her hand to greet them, too.

One of the girls, Amina, brought out waters for the table.

Amina grinned when she saw her there.

But she did not leave when the cups had been set. Instead, she lingered, lowering her voice and leaning  towards her. “We’re going to the symphony tomorrow if you want to come.”

“And you must come,” Sevenda said, coming from behind with a plate of appetizers in her hand. Something to tide them over.  

Nesta blinked at the two females, unsure of what to say—what to do.

“I’ve never been to symphony before,” Nesta answered.

Sevenda set the bread in the middle of the table, and then raised a hand to her chest dramatically. “You’ll just adore it. Grand tales, handsome males, intriguing music all around. Perhaps, I’ll gather more of the staff and we’ll make a whole day of it.”

Nesta shook her head, waving her hands slightly. “You’re pretty busy, you don’t have to—”

“Nonsense, sweet girl,” She said, raising a hand to Nesta’s cheek. She could feel the warmth on her face. “Nobody would be too busy for you.”

Nesta smiled at that, a testament to how much she had changed that she’d allowed the touch and a triumph at how Nesta felt something other than nothing at all.

“I’ll be right back,” Sevenda noted chipperly. “Eat some bread.”

As the female left, Nesta didn’t want to look at the rest of the group, didn’t want to see how they would judge her, didn’t want to see if she cared or not. They’d meant to heal her. Did they think they were successful?

Cassian gazed down at her, his eyes uncommonly fond. All Nesta thought was that she was probably not embarrassing any longer.

She wondered if seeing her tolerated by others made him realize that she was tolerable.

Because, Nesta had not been tolerable to him this morning.

“You know, we can go to the symphony,” Cassian suggested, the apples of his cheeks blooming a dust of red. Nesta’s brows furrowed at the words. Her lips tilting down into an expression that might have been quizzical. "Some time... together I mean.”

Nesta looked at the others, but it seemed they were trying not to snicker, or they were too curious at what she would do. Rhysand tried to hide his smirk, Azriel held onto the bridge of his nose, Mor raised a brow as if she couldn’t believe what she was hearing, Amren took a sip of wine, rolling her eyes, and Feyre... well Feyre looked to her.

Say something, her eyes seemed to say.

But Nesta went to gaze at the people around her, happy and conversing at their own tables. The noise a rum drum lur of heartbeats and shouts and quiet whispers of some things she’d never be able to listen to even if she tried to read their lips.

This was... life, she thought. A cacophony of angry yells and laughter.

She’d almost forgotten what it sounded like...

But it wasn’t because of him that she could now recognize the notes. A song Nesta desperately wanted to hear. It wasn’t because of them at this table... and Nesta wondered what made Cassian suggest this. In front of his friends.

Did he think she would not easily reject him?

Didn’t he know she was a private person?

“Cassian, what’s my favorite color?”

He simply blinked, surprised by her words. She waited for his answer, but it never came.  

Nesta continued.

“What’s my favorite drink?” She asked.

Still Cassian said nothing.

“What time do I usually get up in the morning? It’s certainly not the time I’m forced to train with you.”

Cassian didn’t answer and instead of it making her angry, it just made her irrevocably sad.

“How about... my favorite book?”

“You’ve read so many how could you choose,” he said. Nesta huffed a laugh.

She’d read the same book for the past three months because she couldn’t stand to open a new one. There was something about the familiarity that comforted her and the thought of meeting new characters, entering new worlds scared her for reasons she was only beginning to understand. That book had been sitting in the living room every morning. Every night.

Nesta leaned forward, her cheek resting on her palm. The action made her breasts push up in her dress and she noticed the way his eyes lingered on them.

“No?” She asked, somberly, shaking her head. “How about the food I hate. The thing I’m most scared of.  Excited about... Nothing?”

Nesta waved her hand, her voice growing louder, “I mean I know you know how little I eat, how bad I fight, how much weight I’ve lost. You’re very good about reminding me. But do you know... where I even go in the evenings?”

She looked down wrinkling her nose as she huffed a laugh, “You know I get nightmares every night... you must hear them in that room above mine.” She pointed to Azriel. “He does. He asked me about them once. I think I told him some lie or another... but have you ever asked? Have you even asked how I’ve been doing? How I feel? You certainly didn’t ask whether I wanted to train with you but of course that was settled fairly quickly.”  

She took a deep breath, waiting for him to speak but he didn’t. Nesta fiddled with her napkin, unfolding it and then looked to the ceiling. She could see the dust float around the rounded lights.

“You know I hate to do this in front of your friends,” She lifted a hand in their direction, looking to Cassian once more. “I’m sure they have such high opinions of you. Their opinions of me, of course, are already very low. A bitch, I’m assuming is what I’ll be called today. Probably, to make your pride feel a little bit better. A little less wounded... Maybe they’ll believe it themselves too, because well,” Nesta shrugged, “the evidence is already there. It’s the nature of the circumstances I suppose.”

“It’s rather funny I think,” though Nesta didn’t laugh. “You don’t know anything about me. You want to go on a date?”

She lifted her hands up. Innocence personified. “I mean I’m assuming that what’s you meant by us going together to the symphony. We’re clearly not close enough to presume a casual friendly outing and everyone in this room and their mothers know we have some sort of history or they wouldn’t ask about it every time they see me or whisper it when they see us together.”

She smiled, her cheeks straining from the pull. “But for all that history... you know nothing about me. Instead, you have confused your emotions for ‘I’m sure she’s such a good fuck.’ Was it the boobs, the ass? The face maybe? I get that all the time.” Nesta gestured to the room around them, aware that she was making a scene, “Ask anyone of these males who’ve slept with me, I’m sure you’ll find one at any given moment...”

She clasped her hands together, crossing her legs as if she were holding a business meeting. Nesta raised a shoulder. “But at least they didn’t pretend. When they wanted to sleep with me, well... they just said they wanted to sleep with me. Unfortunately, if that’s what you want, you’ll have to buy me a drink first because I’ll have to be much drunker than this.”

Nesta leaned back in her seat. She couldn’t stop fidgeting, like the adrenaline had made her want to fight. She inhaled audibly, a low sound, exhaling lightly.

Cassian looked ashamed.

She tilted her head at that expression, feeling much calmer already.

“Look. As much I hate to admit this, a strict routine has done me some good. Maybe that’s why I can speak these words so truthfully,” Nesta said, her voice casual. “But do not ever think I have forgotten that I am as much a prisoner in my own body that I am in the House of Wind. I have little choice in anything regarding my life, even before this war. But this... I can choose this.”

Nesta refused to look at the rest of them as she lifted a hand to her neck, rubbing the muscle, suddenly tired and achy. “Not only have you bombarded my life in ways I didn’t expect nor ask for, you consistently touch me without my permission, get into my space when I am uncomfortable, push me when I am irritated. Why would I want to go out with you—A male who does not respect me?”

“I hope you didn’t think that me healing or whatever you called it,” She gestured away, “meant we’d be together... Time has already changed, unfortunately. Without us knowing it has slipped us by. Drifted right through our fingers...” She took a breath, staring at the lights on the ceiling. “We’re different people now...”

Nesta looked him straight in the eyes. Willed him to listen to her, really listen. “I won’t wait 500 years for you. I want more.” She shrugged, the light of Cassian’s eyes dimming. “I want better.”

She picked up her things, piling the plates and cup on top of each other. Making sure the napkin was neatly folded. Nesta swallowed, the heaviness setting in. She peered up at Cassian, his hair wild, stray pieces falling out from the leather band. His eyes bright and a hollow amber. “I want you to know that it isn’t because you’re a bastard. I’m sure you’ll think that when you go over this conversation later. But I’m not rejecting you because you’re a bastard... It’s because you’re an asshole.”

Nesta stood up to leave, but Cassian grabbed her hand. She peered down at him. He’d always been taller than her. It seemed odd to see him so small.

“What about me? You don’t know anything about me either.”

Nesta laughed, a small, short sound. “Your favorite color is red.”

Mor’s favorite color, too.

“Your favorite food? Stew, because it reminds you of Illyria. You’re scared of thunder, because it makes you think of your wings being shredded, or at least that’s what you told Azriel when you didn’t think I was paying attention. You like to drink whiskey when something bad happens, but rum when you're celebrating, and you have nightmares too. I suspect they’re probably the same as mine.”

She smiled at him, a melancholic tilt of her lips for those bittersweet memories—for those bittersweet dreams. Cassian looked dejected and she wanted to smooth away the lines with her fingers, but she’d been hurt for far too long from far too many people who’d promised they protect her, so Nesta clenched her fists instead.

“I’m glad we had this chat today.” She looked around the table, grimacing as she tried to smile. The others looked to her as if they were seeing her for the first time. This girl who’d calmy told the commander to go fuck himself. “Please don’t invite me to anymore of these.”

And with that Nesta left, nodding a farewell to Sevenda, coming out with a large tray of food. Two minutes and she was already making her way out the door.  

~

You know these really make me feel better about everything I have to process. But I am so tired, because I can’t sleep waiting for this book. So is this fic good? I don’t know. I can barely read it through.  

But I keep ranting, like everyday. 

So, one rant=one mini fic 

lol so now I have to go write the Nesta sticks up for Cassian fic (which is different than I think you’ll think it is) My work performance is really going to go down this week. But at least this one is uwu status (i.e. fluff--mostly)

Bye.

[uwurakax]

another day ♡

pairing: oikawa x f!reader ♡

genre: angsty // exes // mutual pining ♡

summary: after the constant fighting and bubbling insecurities, you and oikawa both decide that breaking up is probably for the best. too bad that it wasn’t what either if you had wanted ♡

♡ read part one ‘save your tears’ here ♡

word count: 2k ♡

author’s note: super tired, i should be packing but im not lol, 4am gang ayyy. as always not proofread because i cannot stomach the idea of rereading what i wrote. this was what originally ‘save your tears’ was going to be, but part one got too long so haha. spoils of part one, so if you haven’t read it go ahead, or don’t lolol it could be read alone ig hurr hurr ♡

♡ (inspired by save your tears - the weeknd/ariana grande) ♡

At one point in time, you would’ve enjoyed an atmosphere like this; the blaring lights, pounding music, and even the heat radiating off warm bodies in a cramped space. It was much more enjoyable when you had the familiar, comforting presence of him.

Yes him: Oikawa Tōru. Also known as the the guy who broke your heart less than two months ago. You hadn’t seen him since the week after, finally being able to pick up everything and go. It was scary how silent it was between you two. The unit the both of you had made a home, your first home with him, just a little more barren. Just a little more bare.

Just a little more empty.

Once homely rooms were now plain. To anyone else, it could be called minimalistic or modern. Sleek if you were to exaggerate it. To the both of you however, it was just stone cold. A lifeless corpse. One poor imitation of what it once was.

And seeing it like this was almost enough to have your heart break for a second time. It was a physical representation of your relationship. The feelings of warmth, comfort, admiration, any and every word any literary body could ever akin to love was once found here. It was sad to see it gone, almost like it was never there. However if you looked past the surface you’d see all the small details of things that once occupied the room. The once full drawers now easily fitting clothes with plenty of room to spare. A countertop with products only to one half of the sink. The minuscule dust imprints left behind on the shelves that once housed your books.

The lingering smell of your perfume that was once so prominent.

You couldn’t tell, but Oikawa could. In the week you were gone, it slowly started to fade. The first night Oikawa was drowning in it. It clung to, what once was, your pillow and on the blanket. Choking and suffocating him with the sweet smell. He couldn’t bear to see the bed without you in it, and hated the God awful smell. Opening the window and facing away, he had a dreamless sleep that night.

And as the week passed, so did the scent of you.

He couldn’t explain why, but the moment he opened the door, his body felt at ease. His eyes blessed, even if you had those dark circles and slightly red eyes with unkempt hair. It was as if it was instinct to feel relief at being near you.

It was the longest few hours of Oikawa’s life that day, and somehow it was still just too short. Helping you gather your things, putting them into boxes and loading them into a tiny hired truck until eventually there was nothing left.

You were gone from the apartment, and now Oikawa’s life.

It was awkward the second time, saying goodbye. The finality of it all dawning on the both of you. You at least had this excuse to see each other once more. After this, there was nothing. No more reasons to come back, to call, message or even see each other again.

This was officially the last time you’d ever get to see Oikawa Tōru.

You’d both stood there for a few moments, only the wind against leaves and the occasional car offering any sort of background noise. Neither of you wanting or willing for this moment to end. Despite it all, it wasn’t hard to see that you both yearned for each other. Just how cruel it was that you couldn’t see it.

Oikawa kept your pillow close that night. The smell of you was so faint, he was sure that it wouldn’t be too long before it completely faded. As he held the plush item near his chest he couldn’t help but wonder what kind of life he could’ve had with you if he wasn’t so prideful? All the fantasies and white picket fences surged in his mind, and so he finally drifted off to sleep, thinking of you.

⋅•⋅⊰∙∘☽༓☾∘∙⊱⋅•⋅

“Here”

You turned to see your best friend handing you a glass of, well you weren’t sure exactly but anything to dull your senses at this point was okay in your book. Yes, almost two months since your breakup and you were still so torn. It was what he wanted right? Your lives are better this way. You’re sure his is. He wouldn’t have to hear you “nag” as he so put it, and you didn’t have to feel the exhaustion resulting because of it.

It was better this way. You knew it. Oikawa knew it. Your friends and family knew it. Heck even the old ladies down the damn street knew it.

So why did it feel so shitty.

You downed the drink quickly, not wanting to go through the spiral of emotions you were sure you were going to experience. You’d deal with the pain and hangover tomorrow like the adult you were. For now you just wanted to dance till your feet hurt, and then drink until they stopped hurting. A quick descent into self destruction that you’re sure you’d regret.

Or maybe you wouldn’t.

The moment you turned your head to get back to the dance floor you locked eyed with him.

For a moment you stopped breathing. The music faded out quickly and the patrons of the club disappeared. Suddenly it was just you and him.

He looked good this time around, nothing like the last time you saw him. His perfectly fluffed and styled hair that was just so effortlessly Oikawa had become messy bed head. His bright chocolate eyes that twinkled just a little with mischief when he smirked had become sunken. His whole demeanour had completely drooped into a depressive state. It hurt to see.

He wasn’t like that now. He looked like how he had been before. No longer were the remnants of a heartbroken man. Oikawa Tōru had gone back to his charming self once again.

A cute girl with silky, long black hair approached him and just as quick as they went, everything came flooding back; the music, people and you found yourself being able to breathe again.

She touched his arm and laughed. The look in her eyes filled with the glimmer coyness. Her body language oozed with flirty persona. It was all too familial.

You should’ve guessed that he’d date again. It wasn’t like he couldn’t. The moment you both severed the relationship he had every right to do what he wanted. You did too. Sure you were seeing someone, but it wasn’t like that.

All too, touchy-feely.

It hurt to see, you weren’t going to lie. Seeing the way he touched her, held her, danced with her. For a good portion of the night you saw it. Seeing him be with her, the way he used to with you. No longer being the main character in his story; you were in the audience, watching.

You didn’t want to stay until the ending.

Without a word, you briskly brushed passed sweaty bodies, being bumped a few times before you finally made it to the door and opened it.

You walked a couple paces to the middle of the footpath, deeply inhaling the fresh air. It wasn’t suffocating anymore. You fumbled with your purse, reaching inside to pull out your phone. With the glow of neon lights emanating behind you, you saw a stray tear on the blackness of your screen.

Fuck, when did that happen?

You wiped it with the palm of your hand, and went to unlock your phone. As you prepared to send a text you heard the call of your voice.

“Tōr-Oikawa?”

He mentally winced at this, the formal tone of using his surname struck something inside. He didn’t like it, not at all. It wasn’t right, it felt strange.

“What are you doing here?”

“What are you doing here? You followed me”

“Right... I guess I just wanted to see how you were, that’s all” he looked away, awkwardly scratching the back of his head. You softened at this. It just took you back to why you fell for him in the first place. The little things like this, that made you feel cared for and loved. Perhaps for a few minutes you could be delusional and pretend that Oikawa still cared for you.

“I’m fine, what about you? How is everything going?” Yikes. You cringed at how awkward you were being. You supposed that that’s how it was, not exactly friends and not complete strangers either.

“Yeah fine too...” he trailed off, and just like that you were brought back to that time before you left. Before the official goodbye. Not ready to end things just yet, but neither knowing what more to say.

Just for a little while, let me remember every trace, curve and detail.

You didn’t know what came over you, but soon enough you found yourself drawing closer to Oikawa. He looked at you with half lidded eyes, not daring to move a step, almost afraid if he did it would ruin this moment with you. Yes, it was selfish but...

You lifted your hand to cup his cheek, just like a memory from before. Using the pad of your thumb, you gently brushed over the soft skin. Ever so delicately, you traced down his jaw. The intimacy of your movements crossed a boundary between you. You knew it and he did too. You’d let yourselves be greedy though.

Oikawa raised his own hands to touch your face, perfectly ingraining it into his mind and body. His fingers slowly going over your features. He wouldn’t allow himself to forget any part of you.

It wasn’t long until you both wanted to overstep more.

The longing between you too great to try and stop. Eventually you both moved closer, faces and soul alike reaching for the other. Just a bit closer.

“Y/N?”

“Oikawa?”

You both frantically pulled away, heart racing now.

“Kageyama..”

“Tobio”

Oikawa tried to hide the venom in his voice, he really did, but when he saw Kageyama make his way beside you he couldn’t help but see red.

It didn’t seem like life was playing a very fair game.

“Oikawa are you alright?” He looked down at the petite girl beside him, now clinging to his arm. He threw on one of his brilliant smiles and told her it was okay.

“Are you cold? Here” Oikawa couldn’t keep up that smile for too long, not when he saw him putting his jacket around you. How you snuggled into the warmth. How it showed Oikawa that you were no longer his, and that you now found solace in another.

He couldn’t blame you, he knew that deep inside. He did the same, why shouldn’t you? It didn’t stop the burning hatred and envy he felt. The overwhelming sadness that enveloped him. All a heavy dump of emotions thrown on him within a few seconds.

You felt it too though. That girl hanging off his arm. Getting to parade around that Oikawa was hers. It was totally unreasonable to feel this way. You both ended things. It was mutual right? You would’ve told him and he would’ve told you if this breakup was a mistake right?

Right?

“Wanna go?” Kageyama whispered in your ear. You nodded.

“It was nice seeing you again T-Oikawa” you smiled sadly.

“You too Y/N...bye” you both turned away, walking in opposite directions. With every step, your heartache grew just a little more. Almost like your body needed to be near his, the memories it held being more truthful than your head could ever be.

Your heart, body and soul wanted Oikawa.

Your mind told you to let him go for his sake.

“Hey Y/N?”

“Hey Oikawa?”

“Yes Kageyama?”

“Hmm?”

“He was your ex right? Oikawa?”

“That girl back there, is she her? The ex?

“Yeah he was”

“Yeah, she was”

“Do you still love him?”

“Do you still love her?”

There was a pause and you both stopped, mulling the question over.

Did you still love each other? It wasn’t hard to tell, everyone knew the answer. Ask any stranger but...

“No”

..

...

..

You both lied.

[theseerasures]

I love that quick little moment in 7x01 when Weiss is all "there has to be something wrong okay Winter wouldn't be A Part Of All Of This there must be a reasonable explanation for her doing Canned Propaganda Over Viewscreen" and you just see Blake behind her share a quick little sad look with Qrow over Weiss's shoulder like "oh god how are we supposed to explain to her that her sister is like, 83 different levels of complicit, I thought she already knew that"

Weiss learning about things like “complicity,” and “microaggressions,” and “fragility” and then IMMEDIATELY having to rush home to have a drawn out Thanksgiving dinner with her entire family, only Thanksgiving dinner is the apocalypse, is like *chef’s kiss*

seriously though: for all that i’m invested in Winter having a drawn out tortuous arc for Winter herself, i’m just as invested in Winter’s progression/regression as a character being a MAJOR challenge for not just Weiss but the RWBY team dynamic as a whole. because like. it’s all well and good to apologize to your best friend for calling her a bunch of slurs and insinuating that her people made your dad abuse you, it’s cool and powerful to kick a guy into the dumpster and arrest your abusive dad, it’s nice to look sorrowfully at a place where many many people died because of your family and think “someday i’m gonna change all this” (how tho?? i guess that’s the domain of post-canon fic), but so far Weiss' path to becoming a more tolerable person hasn’t really come at any cost other than the fact that i guess she is now technically A Poor? which in the context of this show is mainly cosmetic (or not even that--WHERE DID YOU FIND THE MONEY TO BUY ALL THOSE BELTS, WEISS)

if they REALLY want to bring the affective hammer down and make Weiss realize that there are actual COSTS to becoming a good person, even beyond losing some of your excess privilege, then Winter is the best place to go, and the detente between the two has to turn into real confrontation(s). because there’s no way Weiss can be rational about Winter; even now, having not uttered Winter’s name for half a season, she is still giving Winter far more credit than she deserves. from that irrationality can come a WEALTH of bad judgement calls and story opportunities that can put Weiss’ genuine desire to do good at odds with her (just as strong and genuine) desire to protect the people she loves, to protect the one person she’s loved longer than anyone else.

and it can very easily put her at odds with her found family in some dark reprisal of the scene where they all band up and face off against Jacques. at what point does Winter become a material problem that the whole team has to suss out the way that Raven was, the way that Adam was? at what point does Blake (or Yang! since she already called Winter a bootlicker) have to pull Weiss aside and say “hey, your sister is a fascist and/or villain and i think you’re too close to this to realize?” would Weiss respond to that gracefully, or would she lash out? because Blake is less biased, but not unbiased, and it’d be pretty easy for Weiss to accuse her of being excessively unfair because Blake’s own personal history is making her jump to conclusions. the lines between Winter as a person and Winter as a socio-political figure can get really blurred, really fast, and...it could get ugly, even if it’s all coming from a place of love. even if everyone is on Team Weiss, Weiss’ definition of Team Weiss has ALWAYS included Winter, and--you said there aren’t any sides. you said