#early access gave me a lot of time to think and I have thought TOO. MUCH. about them

[selvnite]

I might have to write a post about Theia, I have so many thoughts about them and their past...

[sweetyyhippyy]

Worship Something. Eddie Munson x fem reader. *SMUT*

Summary: Eddie has been thinking about being in bed with his girlfriend. Once she gets home, he does exactly that.

Word Count: 5.1k

TW: So much filth. A lot of oral sex (fem! receiving), daddy kink, Eddie refers to reader as "bunny" throughout, panty fetish?, fingering, vibrator use, bit of ass play, overstimulation, little bit of nipple play, squirting, safe word use, praising throughout, unprotected sex, very quick mention of blood (nothing serious).

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~`

Eddie couldn’t get her out of his mind. 

The way she looked.  The way she smelled.  The way she sounded when she was seconds away from exploding on his tongue.  The way she tasted. 

All afternoon his cock was strained in his sweatpants thinking about being suffocated in between his girlfriend’s thighs. Eddie drove to her apartment mid morning, thankful it was one of his days off and waited for her to come home. 

Time seemed to be moving slower the more he thought about her being bare naked on the bed while he serviced her all night. 

He really tried to not think about it, but it had been too long since it was just about her. 

Eddie could hear her keys jingle from the other side of the door, his body perking up as he sat up straight on the couch. He watched her walk through the door, keys in one hand and her purse slung over her shoulder. 

“Hi, Teddy.” Her face lights up as she lays eyes on him for the first time all day. “I was hoping you were going to be here waiting for me.” She throws her keys on the counter along with her purse and treks to the couch with Eddie. 

“How was work, sweet cheeks?” His smile was mischievous as much as he tried to hide it. He pets his lap, offering her a seat to sit on.

She undoes the scrunchie in her hair, letting her hair fall naturally before straddling his lap and kissing his cheek. 

“It was busy. Dean ‘forgot to mention’ that the senior citizens were coming for an early bird dinner special today and then he conveniently disappeared into his office for almost 2 hours.” She rolls her eyes, her fingers finding the end of Eddie’s hair and twirling the ends around. “An old man hit on me.” She pouts her bottom lip out. 

Eddie can’t help but laugh as she pouts. “I’m going to lose you to an old wrinkly man? Damn that’s cold baby.” 

“Absolutely not.” She fake gags dramatically. “He kept calling me doll and kept staring at my ass. And to top it off, he left me a 36 cent tip.” 

Eddie’s hands stroke up and down both of her thighs as he gives her a sympathetic look. “Aww, I’m sorry babe. I have a good idea on how I could make your night better.” 

She could see right through him, she knew that his idea had both of them naked and in her bed. “Oh? Why don’t you tell me your idea.” 

“We go into your room, I strip you down out of those stuffy clothes and give you a nice little massage.” Eddie slipped right into his dungeon master voice as he spoke to her. 

“A massage sounds nice.” She smiles warmly at him, cupping his face in her hands and kissing him delicately. She could feel the heavy weight of his cock against her inner thigh as she scooted closer to his body. 

Eddie’s hand travels up her back to the back of her neck, playing with the hair at the nape of her neck. 

Her body shivers against him as she feels the band of his rings on her skin. She smiles into the kiss, giggling softly. 

“What’s so funny?” Eddie smirks at her. His other hand firmly cups her ass and gives it a small squeeze.

“Nothing. You just gave me goosebumps.” She beams at him. 

Eddie’s hand snakes across the front of her neck and up to her cheek, holding her face while he starts to press kisses to the side of her neck. 

She flutters her eyes closed at the feeling of his lips on her skin, letting her head fall into his hand so he can have more access to her neck. “Eddie.” She hums quietly. 

“Yeah, baby?” He whispers in her ear, kissing behind her lobe. “What do you need?” 

“I need you.” 

Eddie picks his head up from between her neck and looks at her with hunger in his eyes. “Say no more, sweetheart. Let’s go.” He firmly smacks her ass, earning a giggle from her. 

She untangles herself from Eddie, grabbing his hand and leading him to her room. “I’m going to take a shower first. Do you want to join me?” 

“Just lay in bed, baby.” Eddie says, knowing he wouldn’t have the patience to wait for her and there was no way he was going to be able to eat her out for hours in the shower. 

She raises her eyebrows at him. “Eddie, I worked an eight hour shift today. I haven’t showered since this morning.” 

“And?” He shrugs his shoulders. “You’re going to get sweaty anyway.” He smirks. 

“You’re disgusting, you know that?” She laughs as Eddie envelops her, placing her in the middle of the bed.

Eddie climbs in the bed on top of her, unbuttoning her black top pushing the fabric away from the cups of her bra. “Are you going to let daddy take care of you, baby?” His large hand cupping her boob.

His words went straight to her pussy, making it flutter. She whines at him, pulling at the waistband of his sweatpants. 

“Ah.” He pushes her hand away. “I’m taking care of you, bunny. I’ve been dying to be tongue deep inside you all goddamn day. Lift your butt up for me.” He instructs, tapping her ass lightly. 

She listens and lifts her hips up off the bed, helping Eddie slide her pants off her thighs and down her legs, smiling as Eddie throws them to the floor. 

His fingers go under the waistband of her panties, playing with the small bow that was in the middle. “Been thinking about eating me out all day, huh? You like playing with me that much, daddy?” 

Eddie groans softly hearing her call him daddy, more blood pumping down to his dick that was leaking precum no question. “Baby I’d happily die eating this pretty pussy out.” He slides down in between her legs, his fingers touching the fabric of her panties to tease her. 

She happily hums feeling him touch her, she looks down to watch his every move as he plays with her. She loved seeing how focused he was while he ate her out, only having two things on his mind: making her cum and making her feel good when she cums. 

He licks at the dark colored fabric, getting a teasing taste of what was on the other side. 

She had the slightest wet spot right where her slit is, already soaking her underwear. 

Eddie pushes her thigh down on the bed lightly, holding it down to prevent her from closing around his head. He could cum in his sweats seeing the mound of her pussy poking out from behind her panties, only her slit being covered. “Your panties barely cover your pussy.” He smirks up at her, licking his lips. “It’s like playing peekaboo.” 

She giggles from behind her hand, her cheeks growing hot from embarrassment. “Shut up.” 

He lightly spanks her pussy, groaning as he sees her thighs jiggle. “Watch that cute little mouth of yours.” Eddie pulls her panties back, revealing the puffy lips to him and the glistening clit that was calling for him. “Hold these out of my way for me, bunny.” 

She pulls her panties back for him, gasping loudly as she feels the first lick from his tongue. Her hips stutter, pressing her pussy closer to his face. 

Eddie doesn’t stay in between her thighs long before he takes her panties back from her and covers it back up. He crawls up her body and kisses her stomach before bending back down over her pussy and rubbing her damp panties really wanting to tease her. 

“Eddie.” She whines, touching his clothed back. 

“Shh, bun. Gotta take my time with her.” His lips connect to her inner thigh, nipping at the plump flesh. He rubs her clit through her panties, feeling the spot grow against his fingertips. Eddie carefully peels them back again, sticking his pointer finger in his mouth to get it wet and tapping it against her clit. 

“Ah!” She whines loudly, shutting her legs around him. 

Eddie pushes it back down by her knee, glaring at her. “Keep your legs open for me baby. I need to see her.” 

“Sorry.” She whispers out. 

Eddie sticks his finger back in his mouth and goes back to tapping her clit lightly, groaning as he feels the smooth slick against the pad of his finger. He slides his finger down and into her hole, teasing the tight entrance. “So tight, bunny. I don’t know how you manage to take my cock. You can barely take my finger.” 

She cries softly as he stretches her out. “Feels good, daddy. Keep going please?” 

His other hand comes around and rubs her clit, continuing to pump his finger in and out. “Want two of them?” 

“Yes!” She sighs out, opening her legs more to help fit another finger in. 

Eddie sides his middle finger in, her muscle swallowing it in until he’s knuckle deep. “Good girl, bunny.” He whispers as he stretches her outs. 

The room fills with the sound of her wet slick and her moaning, the sounds making the head of his cock tingle. 

He slowly draws his fingers back and fixes her panties back as he goes to kiss her lips. “Doing so good so far. Can I keep going?” 

“Fuck, please?” She grips the sleeve of his shirt before running her hand down his arm. 

Eddie bends back down this time using his mouth to kiss at her pussy lips, sucking at the soaking wet fabric. 

“Eddie!” She whines in embarrassment, hiding her face in the crook of her arm. 

“It’s okay bunny. Don’t be embarrassed.” He whispers, rubbing her inner thigh soothingly. 

She feels his lips go back to her panties, teasing her clit with sloppy kisses and a prodding tongue. Her whole body was on fire the longer he teased her, needing him to finally dive in and eat her out. Her hips wiggle all over the mattress, trying to get as close to Eddie as possible. “I need it so bad.” 

Eddie chuckles, rubbing the outer lips of her pussy. “Need it bad? Need it so bad?” He mocks her, smirking at her. “I think you deserve some more.” He finally hooks his fingers under the waistband of her panties and slides them down her legs. “She’s a beaut.” 

Her boobs jiggle slightly as she laughs at Eddie, the way he talked about her pussy like it was a real object made her laugh every time. 

Eddie contorts his body to hover his head over her pussy, the rest of his body next to her on the bed. He dribbles spit onto her clit, patting her wet clit with his open palm. 

“Ah, fuck!” She gasps, squeezing her thighs together.  

Eddie tsks, gripping her knee and forcing her knees apart. He wastes no time burying his entire face in between her pussy lips, immediately sucking the pink button. 

“Oh fuck!” She sighs breathlessly, her hand keeping him where he is. She was already feeling dangerously close to her first orgasm of the night, and in the back of her mind she knew she was nowhere near done. 

Eddie sucks and licks at her clit furiously, moaning against her folds the tighter she held onto his hair. 

“Daddy please. That feels so good.” She breathes out, writhing her body around, needing to feel closer to him. “Please.” 

Eddie’s finger teases her entrance again, sliding it in with ease. 

Tingles spread through her clit, feeling a flood of wetness spread onto Eddie’s fingers. “I wanna cum so bad, please.” She could no longer control her moans, the sounds coming out as hoarse sobs. 

He desperately sucks at her clit, shaking his head back and forth, wanting to get her to her first orgasm. He could feel precum leak onto the front of his pants, he would be lucky if he didn’t cum in his pants by the end of the night.  

“Please don’t stop, daddy! You’re going to make me cum! Keep doing that please!” She sobs out, pulling the frizzy hair at the back of his head in desperation. 

He growls against her velvety walls, a wave of adrenaline running through his veins the closer she got. He knew her body queues when she was close, and he knew she was hanging on by a thread. 

“I’m going to cum! I’m going to cum! Please let me cum, fuck!” Her thighs close around Eddie’s head as she feels her clit twitch against his lips and her muscles contracting around his finger. Her head lulls to the side breathing shakily as Eddie continues to lick at her. 

She pushes through the slight overstimulation, feeling her body relax into the mattress. 

Eddie keeps lapping at her, practically making out with her clit. 

“Okay! Okay, no more.” She pushes his head away, her body stuttering. “Fuck.” She exhales, grabbing the back of his shirt to pull him toward her. 

His lips were a bit swollen and glistening with her cum as he leans down to kiss her lips. 

She pulls him in to press against her body, needing him close to her. She whines against his lips at the taste of herself, poking her tongue against his bottom lip wanting to play with his tongue. 

Eddie’s fingers stealthily crawl back to her still recovering pussy, tapping her clit again. 

“Fuck!” She pulls back from his lips, sinking her nails in his arm. She sobs out a whine, trying to run away from his hand and close her legs. 

“No, no, no you need to stay, bunny. Keep your legs open for me, I need to get something really quick.” He gets up from the bed and walks over to her dresser, rummaging through it. 

She can’t help but slip her own fingers down to her clit, absentmindedly playing with herself while she waits for Eddie to come back. 

He turns back around, slipping his sweatpants down his legs and kicking them off. “Jesus.” He mutters, pumping his cock with his hand. “Hard as a rock.” 

“I can help with that, you know.” She slides up onto her elbows, staring at the glistening head of his cock, her mouth practically watering at the sight. 

“Different night, baby. ‘M still not done with you.” Eddie throws something toward her, it landing in the bed with a bounce. 

Eddie was not intimidated in the slightest by the toys. The first time toys were introduced, Eddie asked her to use her vibrator on his cock and it was easily one of the most mind blowing orgasms he had ever had. 

She looks down and grabs the silver vibrator off the bed. “You’re trying to kill me?” She looks up at him with wide eyes. “I’m already sensitive.” 

Eddie lifts his shirt up over his head, throwing it to the floor. “Not trying to kill you bunny.” He smiles, getting back on the bed with her. “Just want to make you feel good. I want to take your mind off work and how long your day was.” 

She hands him the toy, kissing the tip of his nose softly. “Been a long time since you’ve ruined me.” She smirks at him. 

“Long overdue if you ask me. You know the safeword if you need me to stop.” Eddie gets back onto his knees on the mattress, turning the black dial on the bottom to turn it on. 

The low sound of the vibration fills the room, already making her clit flutter in anticipation. 

“Legs open, bunny.” He taps her inner thigh, pushing her knee away from the other. Eddie runs the toy along her puffy lips, making her body wiggle. The tip of the toy spreads her slick along her slit, her entire mound sparkling with wetness. 

She whines softly, lifting her hips up off the mattress. “Put it in?” The statement coming off as more of a begging whine. 

Eddie brings the tip from her clit down to her entrance, sliding in easily. “Oh bunny, I think you’re all stretched out. Feel how easy that went in?” 

A string of half moans come from her mouth, the sensation of the vibrations being inside of her feeling strange to her. 

“I’m going to put you on your side. Just trust me, okay?” 

She nods her head, letting Eddie turn her to her side, the toy still buried in her hole buzzing on what she would assume was medium. Her ass is propped up slightly, Eddie smacking the supple skin. 

He dips his pointer finger into the wetness of her clit, lubing it up to massage her tight hole, something they have only mildly experimented with a handful of times. 

“Oh!” She moans out, her hand flying behind her to grab his arm. “Sorry. Sorry, just surprised me.” 

“It’s okay, bun. You want me to keep going or you want me to stop? I wanted to stretch you enough to put a finger in. You think you can handle it?” 

“Y-yeah, yeah. Just go slow?”

He presses a kiss to one side of her ass. “Of course baby. Nice and slow.” He spits onto her hole and rubs at it softly and slowly. “Relax it just a little bit for me, bunny.” He says in a soothing voice. 

She unclenches herself the best she can, moaning when she feels the slight pressure of his finger begin to push in. “Fuck.” She gasps, reaching her arm down to press the vibrator inside her further, trying to distract herself from the stinging feeling. 

“Good job, bunny. Almost half of my finger is in you.” He continues to press kisses to her skin until his whole finger is inside. “There we go. Look at that, both of those cute little holes are filled. Are you feeling good, bunny? Is your daddy making you feel good?” 

“Yes, daddy.” She moans out, her eyes rolling in the back of her head.  She continues to move the vibrator in and out of herself. Her mind was spinning as both the toy and Eddie’s finger fuck both her holes. 

Eddie’s hand slides in between her stomach and the mattress, shifting her body so he can reach her clit, rubbing it slowly. 

“Fuck, Eddie!” She whines into the mattress. Her lower half jerks against him, tears stinging her eyes. 

“I want you to cum again for me baby. Give me a second one, bunny.” He kisses her back lovingly. “I’ll give you my cock all night if you cum for daddy. You want my cock, baby?” 

“P-please! Wa-want your cock.” 

“My girl is doing so good with all her holes full.” He whispers in her ear. 

She nods her head at his praise, her body convulsing against him. She isn’t given much warning before her clit begins to tingle and her walls contract again, cumming for the second time. “Oh my god!” Her body sinks to the mattress, trapping Eddie’s hand. 

“Snuck up on you, bunny. Keep riding it out, let me know when you’re all done.” 

The tears that filled her eyes during the buildup now fall down her cheeks. “C-can’t anymore, Eddie. Take the vibrator out.” 

Eddie slides the toy out of her, dropping it to the bed. “Is that better? Let me take my finger out right here okay? I’m going to go nice and slow.” Very slowly, Eddie pulls his finger out of her other hole, kissing her skin over and over until he’s fully out. He massages her for a few seconds before helping her lay her stomach down fully. “That’s a girl.” He runs his fingers up and down her spine lightly. 

She whines each time her pussy contracts around nothing, turning her head to the side and looking at Eddie with cloudy vision. “You’re the devil.” She grumbles to him. 

Eddie smiles, wiping the tears from her cheeks. “The devil needs to worship something unholy right?” 

She giggles at his joke, rolling over onto her back. Her hand touches his thigh, her pointer finger circling the skeleton head tattoo on it. “Still not done with me?” 

“Oh far from done my little bunny rabbit.” He leans down to kiss her lips, his hand groping one of her boobs while he makes out with her. “Can you handle two more?” 

“Yes daddy.” She spreads her legs open, feeling Eddie kiss from her collarbone down and over to her left boob, his lips wrapping around her nipple and sucking it lightly. She presses herself against him, needing to be closer to him somehow. “More, daddy.” She whispers. 

Eddie softly bites at her nipple, making her squeak out loud. “My baby likes a little bit of pain, don’t you?” He smiles up at her. “Like how that stings?” 

“Yes, daddy.” She moans. 

Eddie continues pressing kisses down her body until he lands in between her legs, his kisses spreading across her inner thighs and his teeth nipping her supple skin. 

She snaps her thighs closed around his head, whining loudly. 

He wraps his arms around her thighs, pulling them in closer around his head. His tongue licks a long stripe up her slit, tasting the wetness that was leaking out of her from the last hour. He buries his tongue deep inside her walls, tongue fucking her quickly. 

She weaves her fingers in his hair, forcing his tongue inside her further. “Please.” She didn’t know what she was begging for anymore. Another orgasm was going to leave her brain dead. 

Eddie lets go of one of her thighs, patting around the mattress for the toy that was still vibrating. He finds her other hand and slips it into her hand, moving it to her clit. 

She cries from up above at the vibrations against her swollen button. “I c-can’t!” Her body jerks. “It’s too much, fuck!” She presses the toy against herself harder, desperate for another orgasm. 

Eddie takes his tongue out, looking up at her with his round eyes. “Say the safeword and you can take the toy off. But I don’t think you want to say it, bunny.” 

She shakes her head, moving the toy in small circles. “Keep going.” She begs. “I can feel it already.” She shakily gasps, thighs trembling. 

She’s only felt this tingling a few times that was deep inside her walls, Eddie bringing her to this outcome. 

He buries his tongue back in her, slurping the juices from her obscenely.  He can’t help but to bury his fingers inside her, quickly fucking her with his two middle fingers. 

“Oh fuck! I-,” the rest of her words are lost in whining sobs. Her hand trembles as she tries to keep circling her clit. 

Eddie knew what was coming, and he couldn’t suppress the smile on his face as he felt his fingers get pushed out of her slowly. “Don’t hold it back, bunny. Remember what I told you, just push it out.” 

More tears start to roll down her cheeks, not being able to hold them back. “E-Eddie, I-,” She drops the vibrator to the side, just letting Eddie finger her. 

“I know baby, I know. It’s okay, daddy’s right here.” He coos at her. “It’s right there, I can feel it.” 

The rubber band snaps inside her, her thighs and Eddie’s forearm catching most of the spray. Eddie rubs her clit, making sure she got every last bit out. “Good girl. You did so good.” 

“Tu-tulip.” She cries, pushing his arm away from her clit. 

Eddie carefully pulls his fingers out of her, laying his body on top of hers, knowing she calmed down quicker when she felt his body weight on hers. “Good girl.” He whispers in her ear, kissing her shoulder. “Proud of you for using your words.” 

She rests her forehead on his shoulder, wrapping her arms around his back to hold him even closer. What felt like aftershocks inside her walls make her shake against him. 

As worn out as her body was, she couldn’t help but think about Eddie’s cock poking against her thigh. “Put it in, daddy.” She whispers, reaching her hand down to pump his cock. 

“Fuck.” Eddie moans out, his eyes rolling in the back of his head. His thoughts all left his mind the second he felt her hand wrap around the middle of his shaft, relieved to feel some sort of pleasure. Eddie shakes his head, trying to turn the lightbulb back on in his mind. “You sure baby? You aren’t hurting?” 

“I’m okay daddy. I want you in me.” She presses a kiss to his shoulder. “Want you to cum in me.” 

Eddie groans at hearing her confess what she wanted, something that got both of them going. “We are a match made in heaven, bunny.” He smiles, getting up onto his knees in between her legs and lines himself to her entrance, pushing the head of his cock in slowly. 

She leans her head back, moaning loudly as he stretches her out. “So thick.” She sighs, a smile on her face. 

Eddie smiles down at her as he grabs her legs, placing them on his shoulders to get in deeper. “And I thought I stretched you out enough.” His fingers dig into her thighs as he slowly thrusts into her. “Can’t give it to you fast, bunny. I’m not going to last long. You feel so good.” 

“It’s okay, daddy. Just want you to be in me.” She whispers softly. “It feels so good to have you in me finally.” She slowly rocks her hips, meeting his thrusts. 

Eddie’s brown eyes screw close tightly, his balls already feeling tight. He was truly fighting for his life to not cum inside her this embarrassingly fast. 

“I wanna see your eyes, daddy. Look at me please.” The begging tone in her voice sent a shiver down his spine, goosebumps spreading across his ivory skin. Her nails rake down his arm lightly. 

He looks down at her, desperation in them. “And you called me the devil.” He smirks, caging her between his hands on the mattress next to her head. The tip of his cock hitting the back of her pussy, making her sink her nails in his skin. “You going to cum for me one more time, bunny? Hmm, cum on my cock?” 

“Yes, daddy.” Her voice rasps, her walls already fluttering around his cock, making him groan from deep in his throat. “Touch me.” She whispers softly, blinking up at him with those big doe eyes. 

Eddie sinks his middle and ring finger in between her lips, watching as she sucks his fingers to soak them. He slowly draws them back, bringing them down to circle her clit again. 

She half sobs and whines as he touches her clit, the little button sore and overworked. She stretches her head up to reach his lips, kissing him deeply while slipping her tongue into his mouth. 

The steady rhythm of his hips thrusting into her was long gone, his movements turning sloppy and quick. His lips leave hers first, pulling out of her. 

She whines at the loss of him, trying to pull him back to her. “No.” 

“Just hold on, bunny.” He lays behind her, pressing his chest to her back. His ringed hand grasps her thigh, lifting it up while he uses his other hand to guide himself back in her. “Shit.” He growls in her ear, going back to circling her clit. 

She reaches behind her to hold onto his forearm, whining loudly as he starts to fuck her again. “Fuck, right there daddy. Please don’t stop.” His tip nudges at the back of her pussy at just the right angle, making her tingle again and her body start to jolt. 

“That the right spot, bunny?” Eddie whispers in her ear, his breath hot on the shell of it. “You’re going to squirt again aren’t you?” The smirk on his face was clear in his tone. “C’mon baby, lemme have it.”

She shuts her eyes, grabbing his wrist while Eddie rubs her clit to keep him in place. “C-cumming! Oh fuck!” She sobs as she feels her cum splash out of her and onto Eddie’s thighs and cock. 

“Good girl. Good girl cumming for daddy.” He coos, kissing her ear. “Just gotta take my cum, bunny. Do that for me, okay? I’m so close.” 

She nods her head, completely fucked out and exhausted. Her body is limp as he holds her close. All she can manage is small, pathetic moans the quicker he fucks her, no more thoughts were in her brain. 

His fingers dig into the pillowy skin of her thighs as he feels his own orgasm wash over him, hot ropes of cum shooting deep into her walls. He bites his bottom lip, no doubt making it bleed from how hard he sinks his teeth into the flesh. Eddie slows his hips, keeping himself buried inside her until he could breathe again. 

She lowers her leg back onto the bed slowly, fighting the urge to close her heavy eyelids and fall asleep in Eddie’s arms. She feels his hand slide up to her hip, circling her soft skin. “How are you feeling, daddy?” She says softly, turning her head to look at him. 

“So good, baby. You did so good for me.” He reaches for her face to kiss her. “I’m going to pull out, okay? Just take a deep breath.” 

She winces at the loss of his cock inside her, her walls aching already. She rolls onto her side, wanting to face him so she could touch him, something she always loved doing after they fucked. Her fingers touch the stubble starting to grow out on his chin, smiling to herself. 

Eddie’s hand rests on her lower back, his fingertips drawing little pictures on the skin. “How are you feeling baby? I didn’t do too much?” 

“No, baby. I’m good.” She smiles at him sweetly. “Got me exhausted, but I loved every minute of you touching me. Always love how you know exactly the right places.” She scoots closer to him, resting her head in his chest. 

Eddie wraps his arm around her tightly, kissing the top of her head over and over. “I’m going to give you 10 minutes to rest, then we gotta clean you up, okay?” 

She nods her head, smiling happily to herself. “Will you come take a bath with me?” 

“Of course, baby. Whatever you need.” 

[not-xpr-art]

Len and Tommy's life told through nine photos ~

A fanart based on the Inside no 9 episode 'Bernie Clifton's Dressing Room' because I loved it so much!

(09/2024)

See below for close ups and unnecessarily detailed explanations of each individual artwork lol

First wanna say that I spent wayy too long on these (like 25+ hours), especially trying to make them look like actual old photos lol... also trying to get their likeness right for the various ages was really bloody hard lol, but hopefully each photo has the essence of each character even if it might not look 100% right pfft...

Second thing is that the dates & locations are very much my own subjective thoughts on their life and not particularly rooted in the canon of the show lol

Also I did go really heavy with the colour symbolism lol...

Ravenhill School, 1965.

The year they met, both are around the age of 10 (give or take). Len is 3 from the left in the top row, Tommy 2 in from the left on the bottom row (also I tried to include references to the other 2 League Of Gentlemen guys... Though I think the only vaguely recognisable one is Jeremy pfft)

Also shout out to @lapis-lazuliie for the idea that they met at school!

(side note, this is the least detailed of all the paintings not just because I was too lazy to render all those children's faces pfft but ALSO because of the significance of them being less recognisable or prominent in each other's lives in this point...)

I was planning on making another childhood/early teen photo but couldn't really think of any good subject matter that could also fit thematically with the episode (also the fact both are coming from poor families who would have had limited access to cameras in this era means we can just pretend that there are just no photos that really exist of them at these ages pfft...)

Photo booth in Leeds, 1974.

Both in their late teens, they'd (well, mainly Tommy) gone to a photo booth in Leeds with the intention of getting some professional looking photos only for Len to immediately make Tommy laugh once they got in there lol

The middle photo is covered in lines as Tommy had planned on throwing it away, only to find he couldn't bring himself to do it in the end... Is it platonic? Romantic? Both? Who knows, you decide lol! I mainly wanted it to be a candid moment between two people that love each other lol

(final one is them play fighting because that's kinda just what 19 year olds are like pfft... also I think photo booths technically gave you 4 photos? so let's pretend there was another photo that they did throw away for whatever reason lol...)

Rehearsals, 1979.

Deep in the midst of practising their routine for some of their first performances!

I'll admit this photo was mainly me wanting to include something more episode specific lol and also to get in some much needed heavy handed symbolism (the crease in the photo separating them, the bottle in front of Len's face, etc)

Polaroids taken at Tommy's flat, 1985.

In-between shows the two often spent a lot of time at Tommy's place (featuring that god awful sofa the previous home owner had left). I did originally plan to have them in the sofa shot together, but was finding it hard to figure out who would have been taking that kind of photo so figured it made more sense to make it shots they took of each other.

Also marks the beginnings of Tommy's weariness (& Len's over drinking...)

Outside the Glasgow Pavilion, 1988.

The morning of that fateful performance...

Ok not much else I wanna say about this other than the reference I used for the pose had Reece sorta awkwardly clasping his hands in front of him which I really liked but unfortunately in my art it just looked like he was trying to cover his crotch so I had to change it pfft...

Tommy standing at Len's grave, 2024.

The sixth anniversary of Len's death, and the sixth time Tommy has travelled across from France to lay flowers at his grave. Photo taken by Leanne from the inside of a taxi (I'd like to have had more references to her in these photos but was unsure of dates/ages where it would have fitted...)

She couldn't get her phone to not focus on the raindrops on the window as she tried to take a picture of Tommy at her father's grave but then realised that she actually liked the pathetic fallacy and had it made into a print anyway lol (look I'll be the first to admit that this is the least 'realistic' in terms of a photo that people would take, but I couldn't resist the symbolism of it lol...)

There were a lot more ideas for photos I wanted to do but for obvious reasons had to keep it to just 9 lol

Also will be posting these on my ao3 with snippets of stories to go with each photo so keep an eye out for when I share that link!

[delta-pavonis]

Ficlet: O that I were a glove upon that hand

Dreamling || Human AU || Rated E || ~1100 words

(Because Tom doing Romeo at VogueWorld 2023 gave me some feelings and Ferdie is often in his Venice Preserv'd look in my head... although with longer hair.)

This has, perhaps, gone too far.

Let's back up.

Everyone in the department, most people on campus, and – because of a viral video of him going off at the director during a dress rehearsal of a Shakespeare in the Park performance of A Midsummer Night’s Dream – a damned large swath of London all know of Dr. Robert Gadling's particular and peculiar hate of the Bard. It is what makes this whole thing incredibly frustrating.

Gifts. Hob has been getting gifts. Left for him in conspicuous places, each more finely crafted and expensive than the last. And each with a goddamned Shakespearean love sonnet on it.

If it wasn't for the nature of the gifts themselves Hob would be absolutely certain someone was taking the piss. (Jo, that would probably be Jo.)

But each gift is so bloody thoughtful; carefully chosen with an uncannily tuned awareness to Hob’s personal needs and tastes. This person either really cares for him or… well, he would think the person a possible stalker except that everything they have done relates to something that has happened in public, with full easy access for many people to make a judgment that Hob likes or needs something. 

There have been six of them now. And aside from the fact that Hob’s living room wall now looks like all those movies where the authorities are frantically tracking a serial killer, complete with a map of London and lots of red sharpie, he is rather… flattered? 

It has been a long time since… well. The anniversary of Eleanor's death will be rounding on eight years this winter. 

Hob thinks he has worked out a pattern to when he gets the gifts, is like 80% confident he can guess when they have gotten placed in each location, from his university office, to the men’s dressing room at the White Horse Community Theater, to his usual table at the New Inn. Add to that his approximately 60% confidence in the reasoning behind the temporal spacing of the gifts, and he is ready to roll the dice.

He locks up his office a tick early, as usual on Thursdays, and makes all appearances to head home before going to that evening’s rehearsal. But as soon as he gets home he is donning a new hoodie no one has seen him wear before, slinking back out the garden door, over the hedge, and jogging to the theater. Hob closes himself into the darkness of the men’s dressing room a solid two hours before anyone is scheduled to be anywhere near the place. 

And he waits. 

Hob is good at waiting.

He is crouched where he will be behind the door when it opens, but this puts him immediately next to some of the accessories storage for costuming for this show. And oh, they have gotten in a new pair of leather gloves for him.

Just because he is good at waiting doesn’t mean that he never gets bored. 

Hob slips on the new gloves and works his hands in them. These will be perfect to swordfight in, fantastic.

And then the door creaks open. 

He freezes and watches, only the sliver of light coming from the hallway to help him. A masculine figure, slim, in a peacoat, walks silent as a hunting cat to the second chair from the far wall, just where Hob usually gets ready. 

A hand runs softly across the back of the chair once before a small box is left on the tabletop. Then as quietly as they came in, the person turns to leave. 

Just before they get to the open door Hob pounces.

There is a shout and a scuffle, the two men – for it is another man, of that Hob has no doubt – grappling as one tries to escape and the other hold on.

Which is how Hob ends up with his black leather-gloved hands wrapped around the pale swan neck of his longest friend. 

They haven’t seen each other in… fuck, it feels like more than a hundred years. And they had not parted on good terms. 

“Christ, Dream?” Hob pants out the nickname but does not let go. 

Diamond-sharp blue eyes that could belong only to one person stare at him from beneath heavy lids. He parts his lips to speak, but at the same time Hob shifts the grip of his hands and any words Dream was going to say get lost in a breathtakingly thready moan. 

Barely a heartbeat later they meet in the middle, Hob’s hands going to the back of Dream’s head and Dream’s arms going around his shoulders and their mouths fit together like goddamned puzzle pieces and Hob knew, he fucking knew, it would be like this. 

They knock over no less than two chairs, collapse against a wall for a minute, then one of them pushes off and they are almost going ass over tea kettle onto the couch. A bit of quick footwork on Hob’s part and they are on the opposite side of the room.

By the time Hob has Dream sitting on the vanity they have gotten their shirts off and his bare back slams into the mirror’s surface, sliding and squeaking with the thin sheen of sweat. He gets his hands under Dream’s thighs, hikes him up to grind their clothed erections together, and once Dream has his legs wrapped around Hob’s hips he brings one hand to his mouth to pull off the gloves.

An unsteady hand grabs his wrist. “Leave them on.” Dream’s voice is even lower than Hob remembers it. 

There is fumbling to get flies open and then Hob has his hand wrapped around both their cocks and is pumping. Dream’s fingers are now tugging on Hob’s hair, his body arching prettily as Hob gets his lips and tongue onto that beautiful neck.

Hob is about to be embarrassed by how quickly he is nearing completion when Dream pulls him into a kiss, moaning into his mouth as he shudders through his orgasm. 

“Come with me, Hob,” is whispered against his lips and Hob is absolutely lost to it, shouting into Dream’s collarbone.

They are still panting, large heaving breaths, when Dream tugs Hob’s hand up from where it is wrapped around their spent pricks so that he can lick the leather clean. Hob watches that pink tongue dance between his fingers and his cock almost twitches in interest. He huffs a laugh and takes Dream’s chin in his grip, pulls their mouths back together so that he can speak against them. 

“Hello, Stranger.”

[doe-eyed-fool]

Fear Of The Known

Lucifer x Fem!Angel!Reader

|Chapter Twelve|

"You're serious?" Michael asks, still in shock by the news Y/n just gave him. Y/n nods her head. "I'm just as surprised as you are, but...Maybe this will do some good. At least now I won't feel like I'm being kept in the dark about certain decisions."

"Well...I can't say I didn't see this coming." Said Michael. "You are a very important figure in Heaven. Everyone looks to you for what the future will bring. I guess it only makes sense for Father to do this."

Before Y/n had left after speaking with God, after delivering news of a war on the horizon, and thankfully altering the future, God had proposed an offer to her.

'You want me to...what?' Y/n asks in disbelief.

'I wish for you to join my council. You will be present for most meetings, alongside my most trusted Angels. I believe it will be best to have you here, given it being such a...sensitive time. Adam is gone, and now one of Hell's Overlords have access to angelic weaponry.'

Y/n still couldn't believe this. Very few were apart of God's council, as he said, only his most trusted Angels stood by his side. And now, she had the opportunity to become of those Angels.

'What we choose to do next, will entirely depend on what the future holds. You could be there to guide us to the right path, and keep Heaven safe and untouched by evil. Do you accept this offer?'

Y/n never thought she would be given a chance like this. Yes, her future vision set her apart from many Angels. But she was still beneath so many Angels who held power of their own.

Now, she had the chance to join their side.

And so, graciously, she accepted.

"I guess we'll be seeing a lot more of each other from now on." Y/n smiles. Michael chuckles. "As if we don't already?"

"Only this time, it will be in a more professional setting." Y/n adds. "To think I'd be along side the best. And the most powerful...Hah. I already feel out of place, and I haven't even been to single meeting yet."

Michael places a hand on her shoulder. "You have nothing to worry about. You know those Angels as well as I do. We all view you with the same respect you view us with."

"Though none of them panic whenever they're around me. Unlike me, around them. You're the only one who I've ever felt comfortable with." Y/n tells him. Michael's smile soften, his heart flutters ever so slightly. He tries not to pay it any mind. "Oh? Not even Cassius?"

Y/n rolls her eyes playfully. "Well, no, Cassius is fine."

"Or Leroy?" Michael asks.

"Leroy is fine too." Y/n laughs. "See, that's two already." Michael says with a shrug.

"Yes, but I really mean Joel and Gabriel. Then of course, Leo. They're all so serious. And Azrael is...Azrael."

Michael laughs. “He is, isn’t he?” His laughter dies down as he places his hand on Y/n’s gently. “As intimidating as this all might be, I know you will do just fine. If father believed you could not handle such an important promotion, he would not have given it to you. And of course, I will be there with you too.”

Y/n smiles warmly. “Thank you Michael.”

“Now.” Michael starts. “I’ll be sure to wake you up early for the meeting tomorrow morning.”

“Tomorrow morning!?” Y/n gasps. “So soon!? Oh my goodness, I-I didn’t think-”

“Y/n, Y/n, calm down.” Michael chuckles. “It’s alright. It’s nothing huge, just a simple meeting about what’s to be done with the former exorcist angels.”

“I’m sorry.” Y/n sighs. “The exorcist angels…There was so many of them. What will they do now?” She asks. Michael shrugs. “That’s yet to be decided. Just try to relax. Everything will be fine.”

Everything will be fine. That's what Y/n had to keep reminding herself, that everything would be fine. With every step closer to the meeting, her anxiety spiked. But everything will be fine.

At least the people she'd be in that room with would not be total strangers. Some of them more intimidating than others, even if not intentionally. But still, familiar faces nonetheless.

And Michael would be there. That alone made the walk there slightly less nerve wracking.

Y/n slowed to a stop when she came across the two large double doors, on the other side, she could hear the faintest of voices conversing amongst each other.

She inhaled, smoothed out her dress, and opened the doors. Everyone's eyes were on her as soon as she stepped in. Y/n felt as if she would faint right then, the only thing keeping her composure was Michael and the God's temporary absence in the room.

Still, Y/n made herself look presentable and respectful of the angels before her. "Good morning everyone. How are you all today?" She asks with a kind smile.

Michael opened his mouth to speak first, but someone else beat him to it.

"Hi, Y/n! It's been ages since we last talked!" Cassius. They stood from their chair and walked towards Y/n, and taking her hands in theirs. "When I heard you were going to joining father's council, I almost couldn't believe it! Well, almost couldn't believe that you weren't invited sooner. You do play a pretty important part around here."

"Yeah, seriously. Pretty sure Heaven would have more than a few problems if not for your guidance." Leroy says.

"What matters is, she's here now." Said Michael. "And because of that, Heaven's future will be heading on the right path."

Y/n's smile became a bit more genuine. "I'll be sure to do my best."

"You better, otherwise we're all done for." Azrael teases, which earned a sharp look from Leo. "Enough, Azrael." He says firmly.

"Ah, lighten up Leo, I'm just playing around." Azrael leans back in his seat. "We all know she can handle it. I mean, she wouldn't have gotten this far if she were utterly useless right?"

"Azrael." Leo warns, but Azrael just laughs it off. "Come on, Y/n knows I have faith in her. Right?"

Y/n shifts awkwardly. "I hope so." She laughs lightly.

"Pay him no mind, Y/n." Gabriel spoke up. "You are here for a reason. Father believes you can better guide Heaven alongside us. Your gift of the seeing the future is special, it's important. You are important, to all of us, and to the countless souls of Heaven."

"Thank you, Gabriel. That means a lot." Y/n says with a warm smile.

Just then, the doors opened again, and in walked God with Galim at his side. Everyone became quiet as they stood from the seats as God entered further into the room. He took his place at the head of the table before speaking.

"Good morning everyone. I hope all of you are doing well. Let's get this meeting started, shall we?" He spoke. Everyone nods before seating.

There was a slight stretch of silence before God spoke again. "Now....What was the meeting about again?"

Galim, along with a few others sighed in defeat and slight annoyance. Did...Did he actually forget? Y/n watches in silence.

"The exorcist angels, your Heavenly Grace. We are to discuss what must be done with them." Galim tells God.

"Oh! That's right!" God chuckles. "Well, how about you take it from here then? I feel as if I need to be caught up again as well."

Galim nods before clearing their throat. "As you all know, there has been an army of exorcist angels that had been kept secret from Heaven for many years. An army only few knew about. Those being, the late first man Adam, his lieutenant Lute, and the head Seraphim Sera." They continue.

"The proposal was first discussed with Lucifer Morningstar. Once agreed by both him and Sera, Adam was given the ok to raise an army of exorcists, that would once every year, portal to Hell and slaughter it's inhabitants. All in hopes to keep Hell's population controlled."

"As of recent events, the council has decided to put an end to the exterminations along with the army. We have lost many souls to the exterminations, even if they were exorcists. Adam was among those souls." Galim looks to Y/n.

"And with the trusted guidance of Y/n, it was fated that any further exterminations would prove to lead to a terrible future for Heaven and it's people."

Y/n stiffened at the mention of her name, but she kept herself composed as Galim continues.

"Now, we must decide what is to be done with what remains of the exorcists."

"Very good Galim!" God claps. Galim awkwardly smiles.

Michael is the first to speak. "The exorcists won't fit into society so easily. Their whole lives, they had been trained to kill. Aggression and violence is all they know."

"Then what do you suppose we do? Lock them all away? There's hundreds of them." Said Gabriel.

"We could always have them banished to Hell." Said Azrael. "After all, they did go against Heaven by keeping their bloodshed a secret."

"Them, and Sera." Said Joel. "If Sera were not such an important figure, banishment would be a fitting punishment."

"Of course, that would spark panic amongst the civilians." Leo sighed. "There is nothing we could say to explain just why the head Seraphim was casted out of Heaven. Sera would be gone forever, regardless of what we say. And people will become suspicious. And their suspicions will lead to fear if they ever knew the truth."

"I believe we should try and give those exorcist a chance." Cassius speaks next. "One last chance to prove their souls are worth saving."

Y/n listened as they converse among themselves, she was unsure of when she should speak. But also, she was somewhat captivated by the council in action like this.

God took note of her silence, he raised his hand, and everyone quickly became silent. "Y/n? What do you propose we do?"

Y/n froze. What should she say? She didn't want those angels to be banished. She didn't want Sera to be banished either. But could they adapt to a new way of life? Would they even consider it?

"I...I do not particularly favor the idea of banishment." Y/n spoke truthfully. "However, I am unsure of what their reactions will be to fitting in with Heaven's society. Their violent tendencies, their bloodlust, all of it must disappear if they are to join within civilization. And I don't know how easy that will be for them or if they will even like the idea." She took a minute to think.

"I suppose I can look into the future for an answer." She suggests. God nods his head. "If you must."

Y/n closes her eyes, the path of the near future open ahead. In the future, she saw some of the angels agreeing to leave their life of bloodshed behind. But most...most will not comply. Which will lead to one of two things.

The angels who will not give up their old habits will spend eternity locked away from the rest of Heaven. Or...

Banishment. They will all be casted out of Heaven, and never return to Heaven's light.

Then she saw Lute. Y/n looked further to see what might become of her. Adam's death took a heavy toll on her, surely, she would choose to stick with what she has always known. Murdering demons.

However. That is not what Y/n saw for her future. Instead, Y/n saw Lute complying along with the few angels. Choosing a life in Heaven, free from the bloodshed.

Y/n opened her eyes, brows furrowed in confusion. It was that easy? Lute would go along with it just like that? Even after witnessing Adam's death at the hands of the very creatures she hates?

It was that easy?

"Y/n?" God spoke.

Y/n looked up. "U-Um." She cleared her throat. "Very few will agree to live freely with the other civilians of Heaven. Most must be locked away or banished. However, it is up to us to decide which it will be."

"Thank you, Y/n." God says before turning his attention back to the rest of the council. Y/n barely paid any attention throughout the remainder of the meeting.

She was too busy thinking about Lute, and the odd feeling she got whenever she looked into her future...

Suddenly the doors to the meeting room burst open. Shocked, everyone looked towards the entrance, and saw a frantic angel who panted every breath.

"Your heavenly grace!" The angel began. "I have urgent news from the head Seraphim!"

God narrows his eyes, but nods his head. "Go on." He tells the angel. They sucked in a lung full of air before delivering the news.

"A sinner has passed divine judgement and entered Heaven!"

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[tanadrin]

Then you have those who legitimately had no idea what gender was even because we grew up in a tiny Irish village in the early 2000s, and because the one book they had was ‘Noughts & Crosses’, and the one film they had was ‘Men In Black II’, they didn’t know what racism was either, thinking America was ruled by black people. Like I was a pasty 9 year old with three sisters. When I was 7 one of my sisters decided to become my brother, then went back to being my sister a few years later, and I didn’t think anything of it, I thought that was accepted, that you could be whatever whenever you wanted. I got another brother the same year (this one born); to date my sister is still my sister, although she occasionally goes back to being my second brother when he feels like it. I thought my aunts in London were married for years, and my uncle got divorced when I was twelve, but no one explicitly told me so I didn’t find out for another twelve years. I have a cousin who became mute after brain damage and claims benefits but I know he can still talk because he swore me out when I was teaching him how to swim, he just doesn’t like his mothers. Now my other cousin also has stage four cancer but has never mentioned it any time we have hung out, I had to find out from my mother, and another cousin of mine died of a brain aneurysm but no one told me until a month later. I am agender, asexual, and aromantic, but don’t often tell anybody because it doesn’t come up. Which has led to me accidentally having to go on dates a lot: my sister who went to Australia to be an architect for a year but never got to be says I have ‘unbelievable rizz’, like I’m so oblivious to romantic tension that I seem interested when I’m just trying to be a person. Like I told someone she had a ‘perfect sneeze’ once and she tried to bring me into a throuple. And I had to stay a while since I was too socially awkward to say I didn’t want to be there. Same thing happened when a friend was moving to Poland and I made my way across the country to see her off. Then when I was going to the cinema last year someone lit a tram on fire in front of it so they gave me three months worth of free cinema, and pretty much anyone I asked to go with me thought it was a date, and I had to say yes because like you can’t turn someone down if you accidentally ask them out. Then afterward I went to the bank and accidentally found a secret door to a speakeasy next door with a password and 70% absinthe drunk out of lemons. And the guy from ‘Django Unchained’ was there, he’d been shooting a game show with his daughter (who was also there) in the country (this was not America), so we drank for a bit until he was done. He was a little annoyed that I didn’t seem drunk before seeming impressed when I mentioned I can’t really get drunk due to some weird genetic thing, the most I get being that I feel like if someone asked me for the truth about anything I would tell them, so basically truth serum, although I don’t really have secrets, so there’s nothing to tell. The most I’ve done is leak television pilots or films I’ve found access to on the internet, that people didn’t know had been leaked. Or spot plagiarism. Like I have the script for the new ‘Nosferstu’, I put it in my bag I carry around all the time, then like the next day my lecturer was talking about the original ‘Nosferstu’ and I said “Oh I have the script for that would you like it?” and he said “Yes.” so I pulled it out and he had expected me to be taking out my computer or something to share a PDF of the old film’s script, not for me to just hand him the new film’s script, and the look on his face had me go “wait.” I have surprised you? And anyway that same day someone tried to pass off a short story of mine I’d shared anonymously in Cork two years prior as their own, and this was Dublin, I didn’t know them, so I was more amazed at the circumstances of my merely being there than annoyed by the plagiarism (like if he’d asked I’d have let him, but he didn’t even know I was the writer, so he was just a massive coincidence). I am 23.

thumbs up emoji

[steel-type-connie]

Hi everyone. I’m Constance, a 31-year-old transgender American.

To all my friends and loved ones who reached out to me over the phone or gave me a hug at work today: thank you. 💜 it really meant the world to me.

I left work early today and spent most of the afternoon crying and sleeping. Now I’m ready to share some thoughts.

I’m not going to lie, I’m terrified. Terrified for the future of our country and the free world, for Ukraine and Gaza. Terrified of losing access to healthcare that IS ACTIVELY saving my life, terrified of becoming the victim of a hate crime in an increasingly violent and bigoted America, or of being made to choose between being forced back into the closet or being prosecuted as a sex offender for using the ladies’ room or wearing one of my famous dresses.

I’m also furious. Furious at the feckless, cowardly politicians who have enabled his malfeasance and corruption time and again. Furious at the millions of Democrats who stayed home or voted third-party in swing states. Furious at the millions of cruel, ignorant Americans who support him, and that we all have to deal with the ramifications of a new Trump regime for years, possibly an eternity. Furious that, god damn it, I’m a productive member of society just trying to better myself and live a normal goddamn life, and I shouldn’t have to worry about the federal fucking government coming after me.

But I’m still here.

I’m promising myself I’m not giving up, even when it’s really hard to keep going on.

I’ll close with this quote from Sam Gamgee:

“It’s like in the great stories, Mr. Frodo. The ones that really mattered. Full of darkness and danger they were. And sometimes you didn’t want to know the end. Because how could the end be happy? How could the world go back to the way it was when so much bad had happened?

“But in the end, it’s only a passing thing, this shadow. Even darkness must pass. A new day will come. And when the sun shines it will shine out the clearer. Those were the stories that stayed with you. That meant something. Even if you were too small to understand why. But I think, Mr. Frodo, I do understand. I know now. Folk in those stories had lots of chances of turning back only they didn’t. Because they were holding on to something… That there’s some good in this world, Mr. Frodo. And it’s worth fighting for.”

[millionancientbees]

Something I think a lot of ppl forget when they’re dealing with suicidal people is that a lot of us are suicidal because we can’t afford or access basic needs, let alone creature comforts.

Before sending your suicidal friend to the mental hospital to maybe be severely traumatized by even less autonomy and also potentially lose their jobs and housing, have you:

-spent time with them so they’re not alone with their thoughts and organized a care group of their friends to help take care of tasks that are overwhelming?

-made a post or group chat to raise funds for bills that are looming and making them feel like they’ll never be able to succeed at life? Tried to help connect them with resources? Offered to sit down with them while they make calls? Offered to take a look at their debt and see if it can be refinanced? Etc, based on your skills, who you know, what you have the resources and comfort and closeness with the person to allow

-taken them to do some fun things? Gotten them out of their house and into the sun?

-gotten them something sweet or comforting or good smelling or whatever? A simple $5 candle can be a reason for someone to smile and feel cared about.

-gotten them tools to manage their sensory needs? Are they over or under stimulated? I will become immediately suicidal if I hear too many sounds while hungry or tired or upset or overheated or or or

I’m not saying the hospital is never the answer. I’m not saying don’t take people who are immediately in danger. I’m not saying you have to do this for people who are behaving in a way that will hurt you. But if you care about someone who is suicidal, this is something to think about.

I have literally been suicidal for as long as I can remember (and I remember a lot of my very early childhood) and some of the small things that have legitimately kept me alive over the years include:

-my friends buying me noise canceling headphones

-my friends taking me on a vacation

-my partner letting me read out loud to them when they were playing video games every night

-my friends buying my art or sending me money to help pay bills, get my car fixed, etc

-my sister giving me rides to my doctor appointments and buying me a little treat afterwards

-my friends sharing their audible/netflix/hulu/libby accounts with me so i had something to focus on other than wanting to die

-friends taking me out to dinner and letting me talk about my special interests

-my friend giving me houseplants and teaching me how to keep them alive, which required spending quality time together whenever I needed to learn something new and gave them an excuse to bully me into leaving my depression nest when nobody else could

-my friend buying me a vape when I was breaking apart and had nothing to do with my hands and nothing to calm my very upset nervous system and $2 in the bank and also I was going through withdrawals

-my friend teaching me how to drive and helping me get my license so I could have some autonomy

Like it really can be that simple. We sometimes forget that therapy and meds can only do so much at a time, and some people get treatment for their entire lives and still struggle a lot even when they do everything right, especially when they’re dealing with complicated issues like other disabilities, chronic pain, poverty, abusive situations/ongoing trauma, etc.

[whoiwanttoday]

When I was younger I used to have to actually call in to work but the advent of voicemail in the office made my life a lot easier. I would wait until about 4 or 5 AM, call when I knew there would be no one to answer, put on my weakest voice and try to sound sick to make sure that no one could question that I was too unwell to come in to work. About 90% of the time I called in it was because of my depression, which early on was undiagnosed, then diagnosed and poorly managed, but I would fluctuate between being unable to sleep for days or being unable to do anything other than sleep. Either way, it gave me great anxiety that I would be caught because in those days you couldn't actually call in for depression, it wasn't a real illness, not like a cold, so I had to be vague while sounding like maybe I had a cold. Once we could start emailing in, a thing that existed but no one thought to do until we were able to easily access work email from home, it became that much easier. I still had the fear that they would think maybe I was out partying all night and just getting home and faking it but I didn't have very many other options so the emails still came in at 5 AM. It was one of life's many stupid ironies that I was in bed wanting to die and convinced no one thought of me but if they did they thought I was a pathetic loser but also they might think I was a lying party animal loser who was out living things up and skipping work because my life was too awesome.

Anyway, that's a long way of mentioning I am playing hooky today but my life is so much more privileged than it once was because I have been struggling with a pretty rough depressive episode for two weeks now and at the start of this week decided I couldn't do it anymore but if i gave myself a shred of hope maybe I could. So I am technically on vacation today, a thing younger me didn't get, actual leave for vacation, or really the ability to ask for, time off a few days in advance. My head being a mess still fucking sucks, it's not cheery to start singing in the shower and realize you've changed all the lyrics to be about wanting to die, though it is technically sort of funny, like the least marketable Weird Al anyone can imagine, but it's amazing how much easier it is if you have things like money and actual benefits. All of this is a long way of saying I have 10:30 AM tickets to see Longlegs, a thing I was supposed to see last week on Thursday but when the time came I canceled my tickets and took a credit because I was curled up in bed and could not make myself get out of it no matter how hard I tried. So I am posting Maika Monroe because she has long been dear to my horror addled heart due to the fact that she starred in what is one of my all time favorite horror movies, It Follows. She was also in the Guest which is frankly, pretty top notch as well but not on the all time greats list. I realize I am putting the cart before the horse a little bit here, given I haven't seen Longlegs yet but I both have faith and also the horse can absolutely go fuck himself. I am sick of worrying about the horse, who has, I might point out, done fuck and all for me. I haven't even used glue since like 3rd grade so the horse can just fucking rot for all I care. Anyway, when I first posted Maika Monroe she was still mainly coming up in tags on tumblr as a Surfer, which is kind of wild because I don't think that's how anyone thinks of her now. Either way, I enjoy her work, I think today will be good, today I want to fuck Maika Monroe.

[nocturius8015ficore]

Fanfiction #5: Trust

Nocturius: 5th Republic Commando fanfiction! Here a scene with some underrated Alpha ARCs trooper Sull and Spar!

Enjoy!

---

Title: Trust

Fandom: Star Wars Republic Commando books by Karen Traviss

Characters: Bardan Jusik, Fi Skirata, Sull and Spar

Rating: Family-friendly ** Fairly accessible to people who don’t know RepComm **

Topic: Friendship, loyalty

Pitch: The atmosphere is thick in the route from Mandalore to Coruscant as the two Alpha Arcs troopers are traveling with former Jedi Bardan Jusik...

---

Fews minutes after the Aggressor starfighter jumped in hyperdrive, Bardan Jusik, a former Jedi now a full-time Mandalorian warrior, was in command. He let out a brief sigh after making sure everything was safely on autopilot and let his legs rest on the co-pilot seat.

Jusik still felt not entirely sure about letting Fi coming with them on Coruscant but the lad was eager to get into new challenges.

Something about the Core planet preoccupied him too. The problem with the Force though, was that things were mostly feelings and not actual intel he could build something on.

He also felt burning eyes on the back of his head. Deserter Alpha ARC trooper Sull didn’t trust him. He knew though that he would do nothing against him. Not with Fi around watching his six and surely not now he knew that Kal Skirata was actively working to find a cure for aging clones. Jusik finally positioned himself as if he was about to take a nap, but discreetly entered in meditation state. Even out of the Order, Force’s skills were best kept sharp. In a little common room, Fi, Sull and Spar, another Alpha ARC deserter were in dead silence. Fi was usually the one to break a heavy mood but he had a lot on his mind already. Plus, talking fluently was still a complicated matter. He didn’t want to look diminished in front of the two Alpha ARCs, but since Fi punched Sull in the face two months ago, no one would ever think that. Surprisingly, Sull was the one who broke the ice.

‘’So… That’s true. You really are supposed to be dead. I sliced into the GAR’s medical reports. Things looked seriously bad. No tricks. How did you make it through?

‘’ Officially discharged dead, yeah. ‘’

Contrary to before his injury, Fi’s thoughts were running faster than his mouth, he wanted to express how he felt the GAR treated him like garbage. GAR-bage was actually a funny pun, but the tone didn’t feel right to say it out loud at the moment.

‘’ I got help from my vode and the girls. ‘Couldn’t do it alone. Being nice to people, having friends pay off, you know? ’’

‘’ Di’kut…’’

‘’Drop it.’’ said Spar, a hand on his shoulder. ‘’He is right though, it’s time for us to learn to stand together, the Mando way.’’

‘’…With that shabla Jetii…’’ Sull muttered.

‘’ I thought we agreed he is my vod. Our vod. You better change that attitude. Him and Parja are the ones who put me back on my feet. Bard’ika literally quit the Order to nurse me for a big fat month ‘’

‘’… A month you said? ’’

‘’ More than that, but a month daily, multiple hours on my side. Fixing my brain cell by cell or something. I don't remember the early days. Ordo and A’den were there. We are a year and a half later and he was still doing his magic tricks on me the other day. Burning itself doing it. ‘’

Fi paused and looked at his friend in the pilot seat. He was able to say complete sentences when he concentrated enough but felt a bit mentally exhausted. Shab, his body was about fine now but there was still a lot of stuff to get right.

‘’ It’s not like the legends then, is it? Healing an open wound, laying-on-of-hands style in a few minutes with the power of love and friendship or some osik. ‘’ said Sull, one eyebrow left.

‘’ He basically gave you one of his metaphysical kidneys? ’’ add Spar, looking in the direction of the cockpit.

Jusik stretched his arms and did an almost theatrical yawn before joining the conversation.

‘’ More like part of my metaphysical liver, it will regrow over time. Time is what I have P for Plenty as Kal’buir would say. I can’t buy the sins of the Order, but I can share some of my privileges with you. Might have get few gray hairs doing it, but I don’t regret it in the slightest and would I do it again if needed. I was prepared to do it for the rest of my life, actually. Fi recovery is a little miracle even by Jedi standards.

‘’ I wouldn't be there without you. ‘’ said Fi, his chin down and suddenly very emotional. ’’ Parja… She gave me so much hope, she filled the void in my life. She was way more than a nurse. I’m so glad we are married now. ‘’

‘’ You did a lot of the work by yourself too, look at those arms! ‘’ Jusik wink at him as he pressed his shoulder vigorously, who was not quite as large as the two other clones.

They all laughed while Fi, with a sad smile, wiped the corner of his eyes discreetly.

‘’ Congrats by the way. ‘’ said Spar cheerfully. ‘’Did you choose a godfather for the future kid you’ll get?

The mood was definitely lighter. Fi looked at Bardan who was making a jug of caf for everyone.

‘’ Mando'ade doesn’t have godfather traditions. We are Aliit, we care for each other, but I know who I trust and would do anything for.’’ Fi slowly lifted his mug and salute his non-clone brother.

[amysgiantbees]

I find it very frustrating that Wyll and Karlach leave no matter what if you side with the goblins. Which feels particularly fucked up that the non-white and non-white coded origin characters are the only two who get this content cut off from them. Gale is the other morally upstanding character and although he's a bit more morally grey than the two of them he's certainly not okay with genocide by any means and yet he still stays.

I get it they are the two most morally upstanding characters and are very emotionally tied to the teiflings but they are then totally exempt from the story and loose a lot of content and depth. They both already have the least amount of content out of the origins characters from Karlach's late addition and Wyll's re-writes and cutting them out of the evil storyline just adds to this. It's especially frustrating with Karlach because she's so easy to miss as well as having less content. According to the DEV's this is on purpose bizarrely too "I would've missed Karlach if I hadn't been reading guides...

AS: That's common, I think.

SV: But it's also on purpose, because the replay value is much stronger if you've discovered things..." from https://www.ign.com/articles/baldurs-gate-3-final-interview-game-of-the-year-2023-characters-endings

I feel also that they could very easily stay for the evil route in multiple ways without sacrificing their characters.

For Karlach she could have a speech at the goblin party post slaughter about how she thought she was free but this is just like Avernus. There's really nowhere where she can relax, nowhere where she can do good. No one that she can form a connection to that won't betray her. But if that's how it's got to be fine she's put up with it for ten years she can do it a little more to be rid of the tadpole.

Wyll could stay if he kills Karlach. This causes him to go through a Shadowheart like change. I think choosing to save or kill Karlach is his biggest and most dramatic moment (partially because he's annoyingly passive so much of the rest of the story but still) like choosing to save or kill the Nightsong is Shadowheart's. And thus should bring about a similar change in him like how Shadowheart shuts herself off if you kill Dame Ayelin.

There's dialogue that I assume is from early access because otherwise it makes no fucking sense like "I fear your lust for power could get the better of you. You are a hero not a politician." that you can say to Wyll. But with this route we'd actually bring out this side to him. At present his reaction to finding out he did an honest to god murder with Karlach is pretty lack luster (I blame the writing as they reuse so much of his saving Karlach lines instead of giving him a properly new scene). Instead of being upset I say he goes through a change and tries to justify himself instead. Like "I had to do it, you don't know what Mizora would have done to me" "I can still be a hero" "it was a one time loop hole who else are we going to find who is heartless". Something like that. We play up the dichotomy between the Blade and Wyll too. Now he only refers to himself as The Blade. He's less willing to hear feedback. He's more defensive. He isn't so much a person but a symbol.

However, he still wants to do good and should still definitely be upset at the goblin party. At the party he should say something like "These people trusted me! Trusted us! I was to be their hero! This isn't over. But I can't have the people seeing me as any more of a monster. So I'll stay with you since you hold the only thing stopping me from growing tentacles." He's still concerned with heroics but it's more selfish now.

When he made the pact with Mizora he gave up his home, only family, friends, previous career plans, everything! This is him desperately trying not to have to loose anything else. He would argue now that at the very least he should be able to keep his reputation, be allowed to keep his secret (which would add to how powerful it is that he grows horns in the other path). He's scared and so young and so the "good" ending would be keeping his pact with Mizora and dooming himself to an eternity of torture. Doing the scary thing anyway and becoming a lemur, a monster. I do consider breaking the pact to be the "good" ending at present but maybe it's just the "good" ending for the other version of him on that path. Because the other version of him is unendingly selfless and so should prioritize himself.

The other option is Karlach and Wyll both live. Get very angry at you for killing the teiflings. Say they'll stay because they're not strong enough to kill themselves and can't risk transforming without the Prism and inflicting that on people instead. So they say they'll stay but are secretly planning to kill you if you don't change. They pull a Minthara . Much like after revealing to Minthara that you can stop the Absolute's voice she'll try and kill you if you destroy last light inn Wyll and Karlach try and kill you. It would at least give them a bit more time with the party and maybe even stay entirely if you change.

[indzae-mayumi]

He's Still Hyoma's Rensuke

(Kunigami x Chigiri fanfic. "Blue Lock" is by Kaneshiro Muneyuki, and illustrated by Nomura Yusuke).

Yukimiya's goal sealed the deal for the match between Bastard Munchen and Manshine City, with Bastard winning 3-2.

While the rest of Manshine City were groaning at their first loss during the Neo Egoist League, Chigiri searched through the crowd of players to look for a certain messy orange-haired guy. As he was about to approach Kunigami, more players from Bastard crowded in the center of the field to celebrate their victory. Chigiri struggled to get through, only to find his friend slipping away silently away from everyone.

"Darn it," he thought. "I wanna talk to him so bad."

A hand landed on his shoulder, and he turned around to see Reo and Nagi looking at him pensively. He realized it was Reo's hand on his shoulder, as Reo tapped on his shoulder again consolingly.

"Now we know he's back in the game, you can have all the chance to talk to him later," Reo suggested him.

"I should ask Chris how I can talk to someone from another stratum," Chigiri told Reo. "Must be feasible."

"Why the heck not?" Reo asked. "Ego did not set out any rules against continuing being friends with people from other teams, right?"

Chigiri bit his lower lip as he looked back at the retreating figure.

"You should ask for his phone number," Nagi suggested. "You told me before you regretted not getting his number."

Reo grinned. "Wow, sounds like a fan girl asking an idol group member out on a date."

While Nagi asked Reo how idol system and dating in and out of that industry works, Chigiri thought it was better to ask Chris about it, and to take Nagi's advice.

****

Chigiri kept his headpiece on as he exited his room that he shared with other Blue Lock players in the English stratum. The Manshine regulars also had their separate room. He walked towards the master's quarters and rang the doorbell. After being granted access, the door slid open automatically, thus allowing Chigiri to get inside Chris' office. He saw the master striker doing some pushups on the floor. And the sound system seams to be blasting some English songs that Chigiri thought were probably from the early 2000s.

"Heyah, Hyoma," Chris said with a smile and a wink. "Want something from me?"

"Uhmm... yeah..."

"Good play, by the way," Chris congratulated him. "Especially since you gave Manshine our first goal. Too bad we lost, but we'll get even next time."

"H... hai," Chigiri replied.

Chris got up from the floor and wiped his hands. Chigiri looked at his mentor and asked.

"Is it possible to visit someone in another stratum here in Blue Lock?"

"Yeah, you can," Chris said. "Though Ego told us never to tell you guys unless you ask. He thinks you'd probably abuse that privilege if you all knew."

Chigiri smirked before replying, "So, can I just go there?"

"Heck no," Chris said. "You'd get sanctions for that, though I dunno what Ego will punish you with. Lose of screen time from BLTV? Ahaha. Though if it were me, I'd cry my eyes out coz I love to hang out with the camera."

And Chris laughed like a villain in a legal procedural drama. When he turned serious, he showed Chigiri an online form. It was a specialized website that could only be accessed inside Blue Lock, thanks to Mikage Corporation's other business in the IT sector.

"Reo's otou-san is really something else," Chigiri thought as he copied the link to the request form.

After checking out the site, he filled up the form. As he did it inside Chris' office, the master striker looked at his member answering the form pensively.

"Got a boyfriend in another stratum?"

Chigiri almost dropped his phone when Chris joked. The master striker laughed.

"You're so pretty. I would not wonder if other guys around Blue Lock have a crush on you," Chris replied.

Chigiri replied in embarrassment, "I get a lot of those comments."

"Though it still depends on Ego if your request will be granted or denied. Well, depends on what you put on it. Maybe, if you say you'll go out challenging your friends out there, he'd probably allow it. Hahahah!!!!"

Chigiri submitted his request and thanked Chris for his help and his advice. The master striker told him with a wink that he could come in anytime in case he needed help or more advice.

****

Kunigami was pissed off that Isagi was asking him about being ambidextrous with both lower limbs. He thought it was creepy enough that Isagi had been tailing him, wanting to talk to him or hang out with him. And now, it was not just Isagi bugging him. Chigiri and Bachira came to the German stratum too. Chigiri wanted to talk to him, while Bachira came to test out his new dribbling strategy.

"Why are they all here trying to pick a fight?" he thought, his thoughts boiling in his mind. "Damn it. Can they just give me my space?"

"Let's have a 2-vs-2, then," suggested Chigiri.

"I'll team up with Isagi," Bachira said immediately.

Isagi smirked. Of course, Bachira would team up with him. They're best friends, after all. But both knew that if the two of them would team up, it would mean that Kunigami and Chigiri would team up, and it would be a reunion for the two of them. Both knew how Chigiri acted when the remaining of Team Z gathered at dinner one night after the end of the Second Selection, when the redhead sadly said there was no point worrying for others who got eliminated. They knew that the redhead was sad for losing a friend, and had to go on alone. But now that Kunigami was back in the game, being with him in the 2-vs-2 would give Chigiri another chance to fight with his friend side by side again.

Bachira and Isagi grinned at each other before looking at the two, making Kunigami glare at them.

"What's with you two?" he asked in a low emo-esque voice.

Chigiri felt himself shivering. He was not used to the tone of his friend's voice. He thought he had gotten used to someone like Barou, but hearing it straight from Kunigami, who usually talked to him in a gentle tone, was rather strange.

"I... wanted to say something cute, but I'd rather not," Bachira said as he started to dribble.

"Why not?" Isagi asked.

"Your teammate will skin me alive," Bachira said to Isagi while nodding at Kunigami's direction.

Isagi looked at Kunigami and Chigiri's direction before looking back at his best friend, "I see what you mean."

"What?" Kunigami and Chigiri asked in unison.

But Isagi and Bachira only grinned wider.

"Betsuni" Bachira remarked cheekily. "Let's play."

As Bachira started to dribble, Isagi remarked, "I know what I need to do!"

Bachira said happily, "The Egoist 4 is back together!"

On the other side, Chigiri looked at the other two while addressing his partner, "Don't run away, Cyborg Rensuke!"

Kunigami sighed and gave up. In reality, he wanted to play with these three. He wanted to see what improvements Bachira did with his dribbling after Barcha lost to Bastard days ago. He wanted to see what Isagi had in mind when he approached him earlier and asked him about ambidexterity. He wanted to know other weapons Chigiri might have aside from what the redhead had shown during their match. And most of all, he wanted to know what the redhead wanted from him.

"Fine, I'll join in, Idiot Trio," the emo hero dryly remarked.

****

Isagi and Bachira won, with the monster dribbler jumping for joy. He went to Kunigami again and jumped on him from behind.

"Thank you for indulging me, Hero-san!" Bachira remarked. "I can use my upgraded weapon on the next matches."

Isagi also lit up a smile, "Thanks to you, I now know how to do a lefty shot."

"Whatever," came Kunigami.

Isagi and Bachira bid the two goodbye, leaving the other two in the field.

"What the hell do you want?" Kunigami asked Chigiri rudely.

As someone who trash-talked his opponents in the field, Chigiri was used to other people who do it, but not from someone who used to talk to him as gently as he could. It irked him because the Rensuke he knew was never like this. He silently grabbed his phone from his bag and handed it over to Kunigami.

"I want your number," Chigiri boldly told him.

"Why though?"

"Let's just say, I wanna talk with you when I wanna, Emo Hero," Chigiri playfully explained.

"Oh yeah?" Kunigami asked with a smirk.

It was the first time since they met again that the redhead saw the orange-haired guy smile despite the mocking nuance to it. But the orange-haired guy grabbed the phone and started putting in his number. When he gave it back, Chigiri saw that Kunigami put an orange heart next to his name. The redhead looked at his friend, puzzled.

"You're blushing so hard right now," Kunigami told him. "Tone it down."

Chigiri did his best to hide his smile. He knew that his friend was chiding him, but judging from the orange heart, he felt that the old Kunigami was still there. He typed a message and sent it to Kunigami.

"I sent you a message," Chigiri informed him.

"My phone's not with me," Kunigami said before bidding him goodbye.

"Shall we meet again?" Chigiri asked hopefuly.

But Kunigami, without looking at his friend, just continued walking away. Chigiri smiled like an idiot because he introduced himself through a chat message with a pink heart next to his name.

"Oh Kunigami, you're so tsundere," Chigiri thought to himself.

****

Kunigami did not touch his phone for the rest of the day. Before bedtime, he hit the showers and thought about the informal game the four of them had earlier. His friends evolved, but he watched Chigiri because the other told him to. The speedster's skill was something noteworthy for the coming matches with other teams. The redhead sure did upgraded his skill, but what made Kunigami's insides twisted earlier was the fact that Chigiri came with his hairstyle showing off his nape. The redhead really knew what he was doing.

"Tsh, flirting with me, Hyoma?" he thought as he grinned again.

Like before, after bathing, he only dried his body and his hair with a towel. But then, he looked at the hair dryer staring back at him inside his locker. The hair dryer reminded him of Chigiri because no one in Team Z before ever used it, not even the vain Imamura or the long-haired Kuon. He sighed as he grabbed the dryer, thinking he could try using it by himself for once.

When his hair finally dried, he thought he could really not make it a habit. It was time-consuming, and he'd rather just let his hair dry off by itself. But then, he remembered those two incidents when Chigiri dried his hair. It felt so good feeling Chigiri's fingers running through his scalp that he missed his friend.

But the thought of him changing prevented him from opening up his vulnerabilities to the redhead. He'd rather stay cold and indifferent. The Wild Card round was extremely hard physically, mentally, and emotionally that he thought Hyoma might not understand his pain, or even get dismayed that he no longer was the hero he said he would be.

He entered the room which he shared with other Bastard players, though he did not care even greeting them good night. He felt lonely, but he thought it was for the best. He did not want any interaction, not from Noa, not from the Bastard regulars, not from Neru, or from any of the Blue Lock players.

Kunigami went to his bed and grabbed his phone from under the pillow. Indeed, there was a series of messages from an unregistered number. When he opened it, the first message that he read was Chigiri telling him to save his number, with a pink heart at the end of the message. His heart clenched at the thought of hurting his friend, and he wondered what the redhead might have wanted to say.

Kunigami saved Chigiri's number, placing two pink hearts beside his friend's name.

He scrolled down more to read the rest of the messages.

Hey Rensuke, there's so many things I want to tell you. Reo told me that that day when Isagi's team took me was the last time I ever saw you. He was shocked upon meeting Shidou because Shidou was so violent, and after the game, he thought that the only reason he got chosen was not because of his skill but because he was obedient like Igaguri, while you stood up to him to save Igaguri. That was admirable of you, Rensuke. But I was just sad to learn after the Second Selection that you did not make it. I thought Reo and you would have played more games and win for yourselves three more people.

You must have remembered our intention together. When I walked away, I could not even look at you. You must have heard the frustration in my voice. I had wanted us to be together until the end of the Second Selection. All I wanted was to be with you. Heck, I never knew we have to choose foreign leagues. If we had known that I would end up with Manshine City, and you with Bastard Munchen, it would not matter much, as long as I know you are still right here.

I was chosen to be one of the starters for Blue Lock Eleven against U-20. I thought that I might as well do my best to play hard, part of which is in honor of those whose dreams did not make it alive. But I was subbed out because I lacked stamina. If only I had Raichi's stamina, I could have played until the end. The good thing was that, we won.

We were given a two-week break after winning against U-20. It felt so good to be out again, wearing my casual clothes to Shibuya. I could only visit Tokyo sometimes because my nee-chan attends university. And while on vacation from Blue Lock, Nee-chan let me stay with her. It was great hanging out with the Blue Lock guys and the U-20 guys, our feud was over bowling this time, with dinner as a reward. We still won, and Aiku had to convince his teammates to honor their end of the bargain and treat us to a meal. It was fun. But a part of me regretted not getting your number. At that time, I thought you had exited Blue Lock and had gone home to Akita. I could have asked you to hang out with us, or I could have visited you in Akita so I can hang out with you. Looking in hindsight, if I had known about the Wild Card round, I would have thought that you were somewhere in the confines of Blue Lock, fighting hard to get back. I might feel bad for having fun, knowing that you were fighting alone. But I should not, you know.

Imagine my surprise when we watched the livestream game for Bastard vs Barcha. I recognized you immediately, though I was shocked because your hair had grown longer, and you had bulked up. Reo was stunned too, because the last time he saw you was that game with Shidou. Nagi said I am probably happy to see you again. Yes, I was. I was happy and nostalgic. I did not know, though, you had evolved to be an edge lord like Barou.

I wish you would stop pushing me away, Rensuke. I wanted so much to talk to you, to talk with you. Like the old times. You may have changed, your aura, the way you play... but to me, you are still my Rensuke. I feel you don't want to disappoint me with your new you that had discarded your hero ideal. You can be a badass in the field, but can still be a good guy. But maybe, for someone who had to go through hell to defeat everyone else who were eliminated, it must have been hard. It might have changed your perception of what a hero should be. You must have been thinking that a hero is never someone who kills the dreams of other people.

If you don't wanna talk about it, it's fine. I want you to take your pace. I'll just be here if you need me. Just call me, or if not, I'll submit a request form to Anri-san again so I can visit you there at the German stratum. If you wanna talk about it, I'll listen. Promise, I will not laugh at you.

I am just happy to see you again, Rensuke. I miss you.

The last sentence made Kunigami wistful. Heck, he was not supposed to feel this way. He was supposed to be a hardened contender who should be as extremely logical as Ego while discarding the need for feelings. During the Wild Card, all he could think of was fighting for his way up so he could be with Chigiri again, knowing that they both have intentions of beating Isagi. Being at Bastard made beating Isagi easier because they were teammates and he was closer, and it seems that players were devouring each other or taking sides (Ness and the German players for Kaiser; Kurona for Isagi), or playing for themselves (himself and Yukimiya). The person whom he wanted to beat became his teammate, while the person whom he made his promise with was from another team.

Why was he being emotional now?

"Why does it feel Hyoma and I are like star-crossed lovers? Damn," he thought bitterly. So, he replied to Hyoma's message.

****

"Why are you restless, Ojou-sama?" Reo teased Chigiri.

Unlike in the German stratum, the Blue Lock players in the English stratum were divided into three groups; hence, Chigiri, Nagi, and Reo were in the same room.

"Rensuke--er, Kunigami hasn't replied to my message yet," Chigiri replied impatiently.

Reo looked at the pink princess and laughed. "Wow! You really feel like a fan girl who is waiting for a message from a J-pop idol member!"

"Rensuke, huh?" Nagi drawled, teasing the redhead.

"Well, how about you?" the redhead shot back at Nagi. "You call him Reo. We call you Nagi. Bachira and Isagi call each other by their family names. Ah, and you call Zantetsu as Zantetsu instead of Tsurugi. I think it's fair enough for me to call Kunigami as Rensuke since we are best friends."

"You're not wrong about that," Reo said before smirking again. "But the way you're getting impatient and constantly looking at your phone for his replies feels like a girl waiting for a text from a guy that she likes."

And he laughed again, offending Chigiri.

"Am I not allowed to wait for his replies like this, Dude? We haven't seen each other for weeks!"

"But you seem so thirsty," Reo replied.

"Are your fan girls like that too, Reo?" Nagi asked.

"Well, yeah," Reo said, explaining. "One of my fan girls came up to me very angry the next day because I forgot to reply to her text. And I told her Otou-san wanted me to learn to read financial reports in his office. So...."

"Yeah, yeah, I'm Kunigami's fan girl, if you prefer to put it that way," Chigiri replied dryly. "But I... Ora! Ora!"

For he suddenly got excited.

"Whoah, did he reply?" Reo asked excitedly.

"No, he had read my message."

"Hope it's not just seen," Reo remarked. "Hope he replies to you."

"Yeah. Good night, Reo. Good night, Princess," Nagi said as he rolled on his bed with his blanket covering his body.

Reo smiled empathetically at Chigiri, "Sorry for teasing you. I am just glad you met your best friend again. I know how you both acted behind my back during the Second Selection."

Reo winked, making Chigiri blush. Damn! Was he that obvious regarding his feelings for the orange-haired Bastard Munchen forward? The purple-haired guy turned off the lights before retiring to his own bed in between Chigiri and Nagi.

The said redhead reclined on his bed while looking at his phone. It had been around five minutes already since Rensuke replied.

"Might as well go to bed," he said as he placed his phone beside his pillow. "Might as well give up and wait for him. If he does not reply, never mind."

But his phone vibrated beside him. He immediately took his phone and saw a reply from his orange-haired best friend.

Sorry for taking this late to reply. I don't know where to start or how to tell you.

I am also sorry for making you wait, and making you fight alone. I am also sorry for being so cold to you.

You see, I am not the Kunigami Rensuke you used to know. The Mr. Nice Guy who waits for you while you dry your hair. The Mr. Nice Guy who gives up the solo bed just so you'll be comfortable. The Mr. Nice guy who gives your things for you without you asking. You are probably disappointed in me turning out the way that I am now. I am not the hero I said wanted to be. Killing the dreams of so many people in a span of days isn't the characteristic of a hero, and I am not that person anymore. I left that idealistic mindset in that place.

I am the goal-poaching a**hole who steals the supposed goals of my teammates even if it means going against Kaiser and doing it alone. I stole Isagi's goal and beat him, and kept part of our promise, here on my end. I think you did too, when you made Manshine's first goal. But we both agree that is not what we exactly want, right?

I am sorry for ghosting you after our game. I initially did not want to apologize so you will not like me anymore. I did not want to talk to you because I am also disappointed in myself for turning out to be like this. But with your text earlier, it gave me consolation that to you, I am still the Rensuke that you knew. It warmed my heart that to you, I am still your Rensuke. It's a consolation that you still want to accept me for me. I am honestly envious that you got to go out of Blue Lock for two weeks, but the thought of you wanting to visit me in Akita made my insides warm.

Shall we go to Akita together in the future? I'll introduce you to my parents, my sisters, and my high school friends. Can you also show me around your neighborhood in Kagoshima? Just right now, I already imagined us in your room, lazing in your kotatsu while watching "Shingeki no Kyojin" because I know how much you like it.

Thank you for letting me be me around you, my Hyoma. I miss you too. ♥

The thought of him being introduced to Kunigami's family made him so warm. Of course, that's what friends do, right? Yet, his mind was thinking of something else. Yes, he would also introduce his orange-haired friend to his family as well. The thought of them in his room while watching anime also made him giddy. And him being called Rensuke's Hyoma? He felt like a fan girl indeed. So, Chigiri sent a reply.

I'd rather we watch "One Piece," since you like it. I think it's time for me to reciprocate the things you did for me, so let's do what you like this time. ♥♥

Chigiri sent this, followed by a photo of him, Isagi, and Bachira at the coffee shop before they left to cross the street to meet Reo and the others, who were busy discussing their financial future at that time. He also went through his gallery and sent Kunigami some photos of him: one badass photo, a cute one, and a sassy one.

****

One of the Bastard regulars was a sleep-talker, and Kunigami just listened to him murmuring to Ness about passing the ball to him instead of passing to Kaiser. It did not annoy him at all, just letting it preoccupy him before he slept. He was waiting for Chigiri to reply. When he received the message, he let out a smile, because he indeed wanted to catch up on the latest episodes of "One Piece." But he wanted to go back to the first season to watch it with Chigiri at the redhead's house in Kagoshima.

Okay. "One Piece," it is. I'll hold on to that promise, Hyoma-chan.

He let out a pensive smile as he looked at the photos that Chigiri sent him. He immediately downloaded the photos to his gallery, and searched through his so he could give some nice once to his best friend. He selected four as well: one with his soccer team, an emo one of him in his school uniform, another photo of him with a hoodie and a cup of latte on hand, and a badass one of him doing pushups at home.

It's getting late, Hyoma-chan, gotta sleep now. But I wanna ask you something before I lay down to sleep.

What is it, Rensuke?

Without hesitating, Kunigami replied.

Will you go out with me, my pink princess?

He waited for what seemed like forever, but Chigiri replied immediately.

Hai, my handsome hero~ ♥♥♥♥

Only a few things got Kunigami excited. Such included scoring a goal in soccer, and being able to get a date say "yes" to him. It took him and Chigiri so long to be honest with their feelings for each other. He felt his insides getting warm, knowing that despite how bad his experience in Blue Lock had become that made him turn out like this, there was still someone out there whose feelings for him had not changed.

He thought he had lost his chance with his best friend, and he was not letting the opportunity pass him by again.

He could still be that goal-poaching f**ker, but for Chigiri, he knew he should treat his best friend right. He could still be a decent hero for the princess.

He felt that tonight, the princess had given him a little bit of salvation.

--end--

[netscapenavigator-official]

I just finished Nancy Drew: Mystery of the Seven Keys. I have a lot of mixed opinions on a lot of things, but I'm gonna keep this post abridged:

The puzzles gave me Ransom of the Seven Ships vibes. While there were certainly way more than in Midnight in Salem, they were way too hard, especially on Amateur Detective. I dread to think what this game is like on Master Detective mode. Maybe I'm a weenie and just way worse at these games than I thought, but this game, RAN, and The Deadly Device are the only three ND games that I've ever played where the puzzles got my so stressed I had to split my play time across multiple days because I kept getting headaches. I think I used the hint system or video walkthroughs to get answers more times than I solved the puzzles myself. Overall, not a rewarding experience, and I'm glad I didn't buy this game. This is the first Nancy Drew game I seriously considered not finishing.

The plot was fine. It would've been better with better graphics, a better environment, and better puzzles, but with those aspects missing, the plot was meh. I much prefer MID's over this game's, even though I really don't like scary games that much. It also felt like they were trying to win brownies points and distract longtime fans by including as many references as possible. I also feel like they realized what a botch job they did with Ned and Nancy's relationship last game, and they were trying to make up for it in this game. The problem, though, is that it felt... a bit forced and overdone. Like they were trying too hard to undo what they did last time.

Graphics were an improvement from MID, for sure, but still looked worse and more soulless than every past Nancy Drew game, even SCK and STFD. This game reminded me a lot of Supermarket Simulator... which is a solo-dev, Unity asset, early access Steam game...

The villain choice was interesting. Don't wanna get too spoiler-y, but but I just can't help but feel it was a shallow, surface-level, and rushed decision to chose who they chose to be the villain.

The navigation in this game sucks. I mean this wholeheartedly when I say I would've rather had MID's hybrid navigation system than either of these. The Modern Mode is soulless and makes the game a little harder. Part of the fun of point-and-click games is that they tend to only show you things that are relevant for the story and puzzles, allowing you to focus more on the puzzles and story as opposed to navigating this big open world looking for small items to click on. The Modern Mode in this game removes that and adds too much vagueness. Not to mention, the movement and gliding-ness of the movement gives "default Unity" vibes... which is fitting since the entire game sorta gives that energy. The Classic Mode isn't much better. This is the worst point-and-click system in any Nancy Drew game, ever. The click boxes are harder to find that SCK, but their more unpredictable in where they'll take you than MID. Truly an awful point-and-click system that only added to my stress playing the game. It was the clear that the new devs were totally fish out of water when it came to designing this system.

Overall, for the majority of this game, I was on the verge of stress tears, telling myself I just wanted it to be over. Nancy Drew: Mystery of the Seven Keys placed 32/35 on my ranking spreadsheet, just below Phantom of Venice and above Ransom of the Seven Ships. For reference of it's nearest games, age-wise, Midnight in Salem (2019) placed 15/35 and Sea of Darkness (2015) placed 7/35... so... I won't be replaying this game... ever... unless I absolutely have to.

Ultimately, the difficult puzzles were the Achilles heal of what could've been an semi-enjoyable game. This game, alone, has burned me out, and I think I'm gonna take a break from playing Nancy Drew games for a while...

[sluiba]

back when skyrim was a new game and i was on my first playthrough, i recruited a follower named jenassa. she's a gruff dunmer mercenary who has a handful of odd lines about how she considers death her "art" where other games would have inserted personality. she is accessible early in the game, requires no quest, and above all, is dirt cheap to hire.

from our very first excursion outside whiterun, it was clear something was wrong with jenassa. i don't know what was going on there, if it was something specific to my installation or a coding issue with her character, but her ai and pathfinding were deeply dysfunctional. she kept getting lost, stuck, and sidetracked way more than any other follower i've had before or since. she kept forgetting to use the superior weapons i gave her. she insisted on wearing armor she wasn't trained to use. i'd give her an item for safekeeping, and an hour later, she no longer had it. she was useless in a fight, and even more unreliable in her secondary role as a walking storage container.

it would've made sense to replace jenassa with literally any other follower, but i kept her around. one man's jank is another man's flavor, and it was amusing to me to try to imagine how her behavior might be perceived in-world by other characters. as a personal little in-joke, i decided to think of her oddities not as lackluster coding, but as in-character traits. she'd simply been struck on the head a few times too many and wasn't all there anymore, i thought, cruelly.

something funny happens when you spend a lot of time with a character, especially in a game that's as flat as your average bethesda rpg. you learn to come up with your own entertainment. your mind starts to fill in the blanks.

when jenassa first began disappearing, i was only concerned for the loot i'd left with her. over time, that worry transferred over to jenassa herself. what's she up to this time? oh no. i hope she's okay. with how much time and effort i was investing in backtracking and searching for her, i started to feel like she was the hero who went where she pleased, and i her follower. i just couldn't think of a single rational reason why my dragonborn, the fated chosen one of immeasurable power, would ever choose to follow this confused and fragile woman to the ends of nirn.

if there was no rational reason for it, i thought, perhaps there was an irrational one. perhaps love. as jenassa herself likes to point out, it is a lonely thing, facing all the dangers of skyrim by yourself.

i proposed. jenassa forgot we were getting married mid ceremony. i had to run after her and hire her again as a merc to get her to come back to the temple with me.

the more time i spent with jenassa, the more i found myself thinking of her as a proud warrior who had paid a terrible price for the years she'd spent exercising her craft. or perhaps, judging by her gaunt face, her faculties had simply been eroded by the ravages of time. i didn't need to figure out the specifics to begin to view her not as comic relief or as a liability, but as a tragic figure. here was a woman who was still passionate about her work, but was either too demented or too proud to realize she was no longer the graceful and deadly assassin she had once been.

in the swamps and tundras of skyrim, violence is life. forgetting how to fight is as much of a death sentence as forgetting how to eat. jenassa's yearning for the thrill of combat and her refusal to accept living without it were her defining traits, made her feel unique and full of life. left to her own devices, they would also be the end of her.

there's a kind of sad beauty in that.

i decided i would humor--

no.

i would protect her. from dragons and mages and falmer too, yes, but above all, from the ugly truth. let her live a beautiful lie for as long as possible. good job taking care of those bandits, jenassa. i'm glad you were here to protect me. don't worry about the quest. let's just go home.

it's okay if you don't remember where that is. if you get lost, i'll come find you.

i'll always find you.

[cafalla]

Fruits Basket Sticker Collection (2008) Scans

Fruits Basket (FB) is one of my all time favorite shoujo manga, and I was so excited to get my hands on an unused copy of this sticker book from 2008!

This main trio makes me so nostalgic. And the Tokyopop logo is SO iconic.

I've always been more of a digital consumer of manga, so I initially read Fruits Basket entirely online from fan-made and fan-translated scans.

I have very fond memories of coming home from school every night and logging onto the family computer to binge as many chapters of FB as I could before dinner. One day my dad gave me his old laptop, since I was the one mostly hogging the family computer.

I was SO excited.

I immediately made my background Shigure themed.

I liked Shigure a lot since he was the year of the dog, just like me.

And you bet I spent all my free time on my clunky early 2000s hand-me-down laptop binging the FB manga, watching the FB anime (in three parts on YouTube, of course), and consuming every FB fanfic and fanart I could find online.

All that to say, this manga holds a special place in my heart. I find myself going back every couple of years and re-reading it.

It truly is such a quintessential y2k shoujo experience.

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Even though this book is titled as a sticker book, it contains more than stickers. As seen in the tagline on the front page, this book also includes pin-ups and temporary tattoos.

Not sure why they only have stickers in the title, I guess that's just more of an attention grabber than pin-ups or temporary tattoos would be.

This book has a hard cover and spiral-bound pages. Because of this, it was actually a bit tricky to scan.

I was able to crop out the spiral for most of the pages, as it wouldn't interfere with the overall image of the page, but I did keep it visible on the title page scan.

Every time I tried cropping it for this page, I felt it took too much away from Kyo's portrait.

So I just let it be.

The first part of the book consists of "pin-ups" of Tohru and the Sohma family.

I will say, pin-up is a bit of an odd word to use. I think something like 'mini posters' would've worked as a better descriptor for what is actually inside the book.

I think most Western audiences associate the word "pin-up" with the image of a sexualized or risqué photo.

But in this case, I think it's meant innocently as a picture that can be "pinned up" on a wall...even though that's basically the same reason for the name behind the the sexualized photos...

Either way, it's a bit funny when it's brought up in a PG setting.

Anyways, the pin-up photos in the book are all loose inside clear paper protector sheets. I think it's a neat, thoughtful way to make the pictures safe and accessible.

Ignore the cafalla.com watermark - that was from when I had a .com blog! But it is still me, and this is still my photo lol.

It's a bit hard to tell from the photo, but these pictures are in plastic sheet protectors, and you can slide the paper in and out from the side.

If you wanted to take a specific picture out, you needn't worry about ripping or ruining them while trying to remove them from the book.

So I really appreciate that detail.

Because of this, scanning these pages was an easy experience. The front page of the "pin-up" depicts art of the character from the manga, and the back of the page has a little bio about the character.

Here is Tohru's front and back page.

As for the Sohma family, they are the same, except they also show a little drawing of their animal form on the back.

Here are Yuki and Kyo's pages.

The book continues with pages for each member of the Sohma family, plus Akito.

I'm surprised Tohru's friends Arisa and Saki weren't included, as they are also pretty frequently appearing characters...more so than some of the family members.

I'm looking at you, Ritsu.

。°。°。°。°。°。°。°。°。°。°。°。°。°。°。°。°。°。°。°。°

I really adore that the manga art was used for this whole book. The original anime has that early 2000s charm, but I much prefer the manga artwork for this series.

We're going to see a lot of it with the stickers and temporary tattoos, which follow the pin-up photos.

I'm not sure why, but all the sticker and temporary tattoo pages have a similar layout (which you will see), with the exception of this one sticker page.

Not sure why this one page has a cell phone theme and TONS of tiny stickers, but it's cute!

Again, this was a page where it was hard to cut out the spiral without cutting off parts of the stickers located close to it. So I left it in the scan.

Here are the other sticker sheets!

And here are the temporary tattoo sheets!

So cute!!

And like I said, I love that this is all artwork from the manga.

My favorite is the group sticker on the green sheet, where Tohru is wearing the red plaid skirt.

I vividly remember that chapter spread because I adored her outfit. Black, red, and plaid aren't really colors/patterns Tohru wears, and I think they compliment her so much. I also adored how all the boys' outfits matched the same color scheme and aesthetic.

。°。°。°。°。°。°。°。°。°。°。°。°。°。°。°。°。°。°。°。°

There we have it, the Fruits Basket sticker (and pin-up...and temporary tattoo) collection!

The whole book is scanned and available for viewing on my Internet Archive account! So please go check it out if you want to see more.

I've also uploaded just the photo scans on my photoblog: nostalgiahime. So if you like to reblog just the photos, please go check it out!

Thanks for stopping by!

[not-poignant]

Hi there! I absolutely love your works and, having followed you for a while now, I also really admire you as a person and an author in general. Every update on AO3 and Tumblr is always such a delight. I'm sorry if this ask is coming out of the blue or if it's something you've been asked before, but how did you take the plunge from writing predominantly fanfic to posting original fiction in serial form and also self-publishing novels? I'm currently in the process of drafting two original works after writing/posting fanfic regularly for years, and I'm just lost as to how to set everything up. I have a general idea (post chapter-by-chapter on AO3 and offer early access and some exclusive content on patreon or some other subscription service), but it all feels so daunting right now. Any bit of info or advice on how you got started would be immensely appreciated <3

Hi anon,

Tbh, I went from writing fanfic to original fiction because I had original characters in my fanfiction and readers asked me about them.

I had no kind of...dreams of being an original author in this way, I was published via other pathways already, and fanfiction was really an escape for me, a chance to break with all the conventions of standard writing and just do what I wanted.

But I needed a broader cast than what the movie gave me re: my first fanfics, and I added my own OCs, and left them in the background as much as possible, but even back while writing that fanfic, even the OCs were getting fanart. Sometimes readers would send me anons about them, or ask me more details about them.

Finally, I decided to write some hatesex between them, just something to kind of...idk get it out of my system? Answer what the readers were looking for?

The flow through therefore felt natural. Game Theory flows very naturally on from From the Darkness We Rise & Into Shadows We Fall. And from there, moving into other original works has been easy, in part, because I've often being doing alternate universes from a core of original characters.

If I want to introduce new original characters, I introduce them in stories where pre-existing original characters have already been established.

I didn't even start writing original works with a view to making money off that. In fact I thought it was a very foolish thing to do. A lot of people on AO3 don't want to read original works on AO3 and refuse to do it or only do it if it's PWP / pornography.

I started my Patreon account because readers asked me to. I got asks from very very generous people who wanted to know my Paypal, or asked if I'd start a Ko-Fi, and finally a few people just asked if I'd start a Patreon. I said I didn't think it was a good idea, and they said it was up to them if they wanted to pay me or not, but I should at least consider giving them the choice.

From there, I found it all very overwhelming. I made lots of mistakes. I had to go on hiatus for a year because I promised too much and couldn't deliver on many of those rewards. And for many years I only offered one early access chapter per week for one story, and my main stories were never early access (and still aren't, Underline the Black goes up for everyone at the same time - and while that may change in the future, it's definitely unconventional).

I've always been transparent with my readers that with very few exceptions, if they just wait, they eventually get everything for free. But if they want to support this kind of writing and/or enjoy it, and can comfortably afford to send some dollars my way, they can ensure that I can keep writing this way.

I have for a long time offered no exclusive content at all, I believe that can do well, but it's not my preferred way of doing things.

This career has been incredibly reader driven, anon. I would not personally attempt it cold, without a really fantastic readerbase who encouraged me every step of the way in the first place, because I am a cautious, insecure writer who doesn't like to take risks. So I can't give you advice on how to build this career without the support of the readers there in the first place, and I believe the only reason why I had their support was, in part, because of the actual strength of the writing itself. Which isn't to say it's the best, it's not, it's what I needed at the time and it's what a few other people needed, and that's basically how this works.

If you turn up with the writing, and the audience comes, and they want the story, you have the career.

In terms of practical advice - you can introduce original characters in fanfiction, just be aware that readers tend to be hostile by default if they pull any significant 'screen time' away from the fandom characters (and readers are extremely savvy to authors trying to build a financial business through AO3)

It IS daunting, but the good news is you can do a soft launch. You can open a Patreon or Ream account tomorrow and tell no one. You can mess with your graphics and your tier rewards to your heart's content when you don't have any subscribers. Build a buffer of early access/chapters, and make sure you don't overpromise on anything. Whatever you think you can realistically deliver to readers, cut it in half, because the stress of chapter update deadlines every month can really add up and it's a very different landscape to novel releases.

You can take your time, you can build interest slowly.

Remember you can never ever mention any kind of site where you're getting paid inadvertently, sneakily, or directly on AO3. You can't mention Ream, you can't mention Patreon, you can't mention Ko-Fi, you can't go 'learn more about my writing here' and link to those places. You can't mention buy links. You can only mention sites like Tumblr, Linktree, Twitter etc. Places where the point of sale isn't happening. Not doing so risks AO3's Not For Profit status and risks your entire account, and it's not worth it.

I did an interview with Subscriptions for Authors where I actually talk about many of these things so you can watch (or listen to) the podcast here if you're inclined! It also talks about the importance of community-building, gratitude to the readers, and generosity.

I am here because my readers wanted me to be. So I'm very concerned with making sure I can give them the best writing possible within my abilities. This makes me not very suited to offering 'how to start in this career' advice because it was a happy accident. It's hard to teach something I have never done your way myself, anon, because I worry I'd give bad advice. My writing had people turning up, but I'm not sure anything else I did, added much! I think responding to Tumblr asks and replying to every comment helped too! But...I don't know for sure.

But this career path does make me pretty well suited to offering 'how to keep this going' advice, because I've been doing this for ten years. <3333