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anichibicore · 21 days ago

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Starsong

Summary:

"Hey, Shads?" Shadow couldn't help the sigh that easily slipped out of him. "Yes?" "Do the stars look different here than they do on the ARK?" In which a race turns into some much needed comfort, which then turns into stargazing, and so on.

Read on AO3

note: i'm not copying the word vomit of a note i put on this on ao3 but just know this got very far away from me about halfway through. i don't usually post my writing here, but i'm way too proud of this one to not share everywhere. so. here. also i was not aware just copy-pasting the whole thing from ao3 kept the formatting which thank god for that. i didn't wanna go through doing it again

Shadow stood off to the side, resting against the large tree near the party table, just close enough for Rouge to not assume he was plotting to sneak off. He promised he would stay, after all. Despite the day he's had, he didn't want to go back on it. His back still ached, the feeling of the wings he no longer had lingering like a phantom limb. He's sure he looked like a complete mess, but if he did, everyone was kind enough not to point it out.

Sonic popped into his vision then, an obnoxiously cheeky grin on his face as he leaned next to him. Shadow did his best to not look too annoyed at the proximity. Sonic laughed a bit and inched away a tad, and it was all he needed to know he didn't do a great job at that. "Glad to see you made it, Shads."

Shadow hummed his response. "Rouge told me to come, so I did."

"Well, either way, it's cool you showed." Another grunt in response. Sonic shifted from one foot to the other. "Did you, uh... want cake or anything?"

"Not hungry." He answered curtly.

Sonic nudged him lightly with his elbow, huffing a laugh. "Are you still mad I beat you earlier?"

"No." Shadow had almost forgotten about that, in fact. Too much had happened today. He was sure he was forgetting more. All he could think of was Maria and the professor. A nagging part of him wanted to be back in that white space. To be locked back in that one moment of time forever. He knew it was a selfish wish. That didn't change how much he still wanted it.

"Hey, are you good? You seem grumpier than usual."

"None of your business." Shadow snapped a bit more forcefully than intended.

"Alright, alright, I won't push it." Sonic laughed, putting his hands up in surrender. "Y'know, everyone else here has a present for me, so perhaps~...?"

"Don't get ahead of yourself." He spared a glance to Sonic smirking at him and sighed. "...You get a race. Wherever you want."

"Oh, you know me too well." As Shadow started walking away, Sonic zipped in front of him and bowed slightly, holding out a hand. "May I have this race, then?"

Despite himself, Shadow smiled. "I suppose so."

"Race from here to Seaside Hill?" Sonic asked as he jabbed a thumb behind himself.

"I said wherever you want."

"Well what are we waiting for? Let's get our race on! Hey, Tails! We need a referee!"

Within just a few minutes, Tails had a flag ready as Sonic and Shadow took their positions. Sonic grinned at him as Tails ran over the rules, and Shadow rolled his eyes and focused as the fox began the countdown. The second the signal was given, he took off, the sounds of the party vanishing within seconds and replaced with the wind blowing past him. A glance next to him showed Sonic easily staying neck and neck with him, the only thing that wasn't a blur as he ran. Sonic caught his gaze and laughed before speeding up ever so slightly. The sun was half below the horizon by then and they were still a fair distance from their goal. It soon left and the stars started to dot the sky in it's place.

Shadow caught a glimpse of a familiar flower and started to slow, taking in the sight of the hill he'd been standing atop just last night. The ARK was bright in the sky, almost like a second moon, like a beacon for his eyes to fixate on. The tree at the top he'd destroyed was exactly as it had been when he left, the trunk snapped almost completely, hanging on by a few pieces of bark, crushing the flowers it had fallen on. Shadow climbed up the hill slowly, careful to not disturb the flowers that hadn't been crushed or ruined from his outburst. He sat down once he reached the top, his eyes locked on the ARK. For just that moment, it was just him, the breeze, and his thoughts.

His emotions were still muddled, even though their little race had, admittedly, helped ease his aching. Somehow, getting competitive with Sonic like this had that effect on him. Shadow couldn't properly name most of his feelings no matter how hard he tried. A part of him felt oddly at peace — relaxed, even. Like a weight had been lifted off his shoulders. Another yearned for that timeless void again, for his father and sister. The feeling tore into him, made him want to run right back to a place he could no longer reach. The last one burned strongly, fiercely, and viciously, no matter how hard he tried to snuff it out. It was the only one he could clearly name, the kind of rage only a monster would feel. Those parts of him were at war in his head and it was starting to get too overwhelming for him to stand. It practically sapped whatever energy he had.

"..adow? Shads? I wasn't going that fast, was I? Shadow?" Sonic's voice grew louder in the distance. He likely only then realized he'd lost Shadow entirely. The wind rushed past him as Sonic zipped up to him, stopping just off to the side of his vision. He bent at the waist into his line of sight, concern plain as day on his face. "Hey, you sure you're cool? You look... real tired, Shads." Shadow didn't have the energy to answer. He simply pulled his knees up to his chest and shrugged his shoulders, staring past Sonic and up to the sky. Sonic backed up and followed his gaze, making a small sound when he saw the space colony so clearly present in the night sky. "Ah. One of those days, huh?" He offered Shadow what he assumed was meant to be a comforting smile, but it simply came off as forced to him. Shadow tore his gaze away from there and it landed on a flower right next to his feet, swaying gently in the breeze.

The grass rustled as Sonic sat next to him, one of his quills bumping his own when Sonic turned just enough. No matter how hard he tried, Shadow just couldn't shake that day's events from his head. Facing Black Doom again after he'd destroyed him so long ago, the powers he forced on him, trying to make him what he wasn't... His back still had those phantom pains from the wings sprouting from them, tearing through his flesh to reach the surface.

Almost like he read his mind, Sonic spoke again. "Geez, Shads. The fur on your back's all messed up. It's not like you to leave it all screwed up like this. What the heck happened?"

"It's none of your business, Sonic." He couldn't will any venom into his voice. He was too physically and mentally drained for it.

"You sound about as tired as you look. If you don't wanna talk about it, that's fine, but I just wanna know. Did something happen back in there? Just a yes or no is cool."

His back felt raw. Shadow was almost certain he would have scars from his wings — wings that weren't his, wings that were forced on him by a monster. The unparalleled power of the Black Arms blood coarsing through his veins, the way it burned like a fire under his skin, yet made him feel so complete... It scared him. Scared and disgusted him, a reminder of how much of him was wrong. And... seeing Maria and the professor again... seeing his family again, hearing them tell him they love him, that they're proud of him, and him knowing he was fated to let them both down... He wanted to be back with them. To feel whole again. Leaving them behind when he had a chance to save them hurt far more than any physical pain he'd endured in there. The hole that had been left behind by their passings felt so much bigger than it had before. The next breath he took trembled as it reached his lungs. The sting in his eyes told him he wouldn't be able to hide it any longer. "Yes."

Sonic quietly scooched closer and tossed an arm around his shoulders, squeezing him just a bit. "It's okay, Shads. I've gotcha." Shadow bit his lip hard, but it still did nothing to stop the broken sob that managed to force its way out of him. He buried his face in his knees as much as he could. He wasn't sure if the tears he was crying were the result of grief, frustration, relief, or a mix of the three, but it didn't really matter now. They were there either way, letting them out was the only way they'd stop.

It didn't take long for the tears to stop, and he brushed off the arm around him as soon as they did. A part of him was annoyed that the attempt at comfort actually worked. "I'm going to let that slide just this once."

"Take it that means you feel better now?"

"I... suppose so."

Sonic shot him a smug grin as he asked in an equally smug tone, "And did I help with that?"

Shadow couldn't exactly deny it, but his pride refused to let him admit it straight to his face. "Shut up, idiot."

"I'm taking that as a yes."

"You say a word about any of this and I will ensure you don't live to see another birthday."

Sonic put his hands up in defense, but it was clear he didn't take his threat seriously. "Relax, Shads. I won't tell a soul." He reassured with a laugh.

Shadow huffed and went back to observing the ARK. It still felt a little strange, looking up at his home from the place he used to marvel at with Maria. The hole in his heart ached more than usual when he recalled all those times the two would sit in the observatory and simply stare. He even remembered a few times the professor had come in, waking the two up when he found them passed out on the floor, surrounded in every pillow and blanket they could find in the colony. Eventually he'd start coming to join them when he had a break from his work. Those ones with the professor were memories he only recently got back, and part of him wasn't sure if they were always there, or if they were new ones formed after his encounter with his family in the white space. He liked to think it was the latter, that it was the professor's way of giving him more fond memories to look back on once they were long gone. His mouth moved without him thinking too hard about it. "I saw Maria and the professor again."

"Back in that weird time pocket thing?"

"Yes. It was... nice." He only then realized there was a smile tugging on his face, but he didn't bother trying to hide it. Yet it wobbled when he carried on. "I... didn't want to leave. I would've stayed there forever if I could."

"Shads..."

"I know it would've been selfish, but... I just wanted a little more time with them."

"Hey, even if it was only for a little, you got to see 'em again. Plus, you've got 'em up here," Sonic tapped his own head, "so, even if they're gone, you can still see 'em whenever you want in there. Right?"

"Your way of thinking is as simple as always, I see." Shadow remarked. Sonic gave him an indignant "hey!" in response, and Shadow laughed before letting his eyes drift to the stars. "But, I suppose you aren't entirely wrong."

"Hey, I'll take it. Glad to hear your day wasn't completely awful, too." After a minute, Sonic cleared his throat, getting his attention again. He looked oddly hesitant when bringing up his next topic. "But, I'm guessing that's not all that happened in there. Judging from... well..." Green eyes flicked from his face to his back for just a moment, almost too quick for him to catch. "So, uh... Mind if I ask?"

His mood quickly soured again. He knew the topic wouldn't slip by so easily. Sonic was way too nosy when it came to him. "What makes you think I'll answer?"

When Sonic defended himself again, it was a little more panicked than his joking version of the motion earlier. "Hey, it doesn't hurt to ask! Sides, you're kinda worrying me here, Shads. And you know I'm not a worrying kinda guy"

"Yes, I'm aware. You're awful at hiding it." Shadow sighed loudly. He supposed it wouldn't hurt to tell him. "I ran into Black Doom in there as well."

Sonic's eyes narrowed, his mouth twisting to a frown as he huffed and crossed his arms. "Take it that went about as well as his last attempt at father-son bonding time did." Shadow leveled a glare at him for the phrasing, and Sonic chuckled nervously. "Sorry. Continue."

The spots from which those wings had torn their way out from his flesh itched like salt was tossed into them. None of the other powers that were awakened by Doom's influence were anywhere near as agonizing. They still all made him feel sick, the reminders of just what kind of blood he had in his veins, the alien feeling of completeness that terrified and disgusted him. It made him want to tear into his veins and let it all pour out, as if letting himself bleed dry would remove the cursed part of his blood, let him claim some semblance of normalcy in his existence. But the worst thing was the anger. He knew Black Doom was coaxing it out of him, bringing out the raw anger that he'd only truly known those first few days after being freed from stasis. That didn't mean it hadn't worked. He could feel it bubbling up again just thinking about how easily he'd been controlled like that. How Black Doom might've gotten what he wanted if Maria hadn't been there to snap him out of it.

"Shadow?"

He'd torn a clump of grass out of the dirt without realizing, crushing one of the few flowers that had survived the blast that felled the tree behind them in the palm of his hand. Its petals were wrinkled and damaged, and he gingerly placed it in roughly the same spot he'd callously pulled it from as if it would undo the damage. Just thinking about the situation seemed to rile him up all over again. He had the feeling that fact wouldn't change any time soon. It wasn't something he could easily put into words, not with how tired he still felt. Sonic didn't need to know the extent of it, anyways. So, he opted with, "It doesn't matter now. He's gone for good. We should never have to worry about him again."

Sonic thankfully seemed to pick up the hint, letting the topic drop without comment. "I'll take your word for it. But, if he somehow comes crawling back to Earth again, I'll help you kick his butt. That alien creep won't see us coming. Right, Shads?" Sonic tapped his arm with his fist, wearing a confident smile when Shadow looked.

Shadow eyed his fist. "I can take care of him myself, you know."

"Yeah, but it'd be better with a partner, right? Besides, I can't just let you have all the fun."

He couldn't help the small huff of a laugh that rose up as he tapped his own fist to Sonic's still hovering next to him. "Fine, you win."

"Cool. Anything else you wanna get off your chest while we're here?"

"Not particularly."

"Want me to play a song, then? I could pro'bly go yoink my guitar from the house in, like, two minutes tops."

"I'd like some peace and quiet for a minute, Sonic."

"Uh... Sure."

Shadow laid down in the grass, letting his eyes slip shut for just a few moments. Sonic must've copied the motion, the grass to his right rustling with the other's movements. He didn't realize just how tired he really was. Not until Sonic's voice roused him from sleep clawing at his conscious. "Hey, Shads?"

Shadow couldn't help the sigh that easily slipped out of him. "Yes?"

"Do the stars look different here than they do on the ARK?"

Shadow looked to the other, seeing him stare straight up at the sky. He did the same, the moon starting to inch its way into their vision, signifying the passing time. The stars weren't as prominent in the sky as they were when looking at them from space. It felt like there was less of them, actually. It made sense. They used to view them while dwelling among them, so they had stars to see for hundreds of thousands of miles and nothing in the way. "A little. They're not as bright here. And there's less."

"Yeah, that sounds about right." The conversation lulled to a comfortable silence for a while before Sonic piped up again. "Y'know, Tails used to be obsessed with space."

Now that was news to him. "Really?"

"Yup. Well, 'used to' implies he's not anymore. I found this old, banged up telescope way back when we were kids. Thing didn't even work since the lens was cracked. Kid took it and fixed it up and would stay up late just staring up at the stars with it. Heck, he's the one that chose where our house would be since the Mystic Ruins escapes most of the light pollution of the city."

"And he's still like that?"

"Not quite as much, but yeah. You'd think it'd lose its luster for him since we've been up there, like, what? Ten times by now? But he's still as passionate as ever. I wouldn't be surprised if I woke up one day and saw he managed to scrape together a fully functional rocket with a bunch of scrap metal and literal junk."

Shadow could picture it already. Sonic stepping out to see Tails had a whole ship, launchpad and everything, built overnight in the front yard. "I don't think I'd be surprised either, frankly."

Sonic laughed. "I used to get him a bunch of books about space for his birthday. Kid probably has enough to fill a whole shelf by now. He'd blast through them all faster than it'd take me to run across the the continent and then ramble about all the stuff in them for hours. I admit a lot of it kinda flew right over my head, but one thing always stuck with me, and I haven't really thought about it till now." Sonic's tone shifted and it got Shadow's attention. It wasn't quite serious, but it wasn't his usual laid-back tone, either. Ruminating was the word he decided to settle on, as strange as it sounded for applying to the blue blur. His expression matched the tone when Shadow looked, and he was stretching out one palm to the sky. "Most of the stars up there aren't really around anymore. But, they're still just as bright as when they were when they existed, and we still look up at them and admire their light. Talking to you made me think about it a little more just now."

"How, exactly?"

Sonic's hand dropped back to join the other on his stomach as he met the other's gaze with a confused expression, like he expected Shadow to just understand and was surprised he didn't. "Well, think about it." He turned back to the stars. "Even when we're gone, there'll still be people that remember us and look up to us. It's even possible people will remember us millions of years after that. We'll keep shining on in their memories. We're a lot like those stars, in a way."

Shadow allowed his gaze to wander back to the sky, landing on the ARK as it did. The stars around it seemed brighter in that moment, two particularly vivid ones right next to each other that he couldn't tear his eyes from. All at once, he understood. "You're right."

"I am? I-I mean, course I am!"

"It's weird hearing myself say that, too." Shadow laughed. "When did you become such a deep thinker?"

Sonic huffed in mock offense. "I've always been a deep thinker, for your information!"

"Sure, sure."

Silence came again for just a brief moment. "Hey, Shadow?"

"Yes?"

"I think I retract cashing in that birthday race now. I think we've both had enough excitement for one day, anyhow."

"Unfortunately, I'm not accepting refunds." Sonic shot up with a cry of "what?!" as Shadow laughed and stood up. "I'm kidding. Consider it refunded."

"I can never tell when you're joking, man." Sonic replied as he followed suit, standing and stretching his back. "I know we did a lotta stargazing already, but me and the gang were doing a little camp-out by the house tonight if you want in. Y'know, just chill out under the stars and stuff."

"And you're inviting me because...?"

"Shads, you cried on me and let me gush about my little bro's space obsession for, like, half an hour. I get the feeling you don't wanna pull out the loner act tonight."

Shadow felt himself grimace at how easily Sonic had nailed that on the head. The offer was tempting, but... the part of himself still raging inside, calling him a monster, reminding him of his blood, forced itself into the forefront of his thoughts. "I'm not sure they'd want me there."

"Oh, c'mon, Shads! They like you! They were worried about you as much as I was. The only reason none of them tried to talk to you was 'cause they weren't sure if you even wanted to talk."

"I don't want to intrude." The words left him easily, even though he himself didn't really mean them.

Sonic wagged a finger at him with a stern frown, almost like he was scolding a child. "Nuh-uh-uh, I'm not letting you play that card. As the birthday guy, I declare that you aren't intruding unless I say you are. And you aren't, since I'm inviting you. If you really don't wanna join, you can just tell me, bud. I ain't gonna be mad."

Shadow desperately, almost instinctively, wanted to come up with another excuse to uninvite himself. But Maria's voice, an echo of "you deserve to be happy," rang in his head, cutting through his self-deprecating thoughts, and he gave up trying to argue. "Alright. I can go."

Sonic looked surprised, and Shadow suspected the other was expecting a "no" to the offer. "You sure?"

"I'm sure."

The blue blur stared him down for a moment before a smile popped back on his face. "Glad to hear it. You wanna walk, or are you up for a run?"

Shadow started making his way back down the hill to the beaten path, looking to Sonic over his shoulder. "I thought you wanted to save the race for another time?"

Sonic followed him, stretching one arm across his chest as he walked. "I did." He hopped a few steps in front of him and spun around, walking backwards with his hands behind his head. "I just don't wanna ditch ya. The place isn't that far from here. It's, like, a ten minute walk. Or a one minute run, if you prefer."

Shadow couldn't help the grin on his face, keeping his tone light as he said, "You're being rather polite today, aren't you? Are you sure I'm the one that needs help and not you?"

Sonic stuck his tongue out at him. "Sorry for caring." There was no real annoyance in his voice, and he sprung back pretty quick. "Seriously, though. You set the pace. You know I can keep up."

Shadow's grin shifted to a small smile, one he didn't bother to fight. "Alright. Lead the way."

Sonic's smile somehow got wider as he spun on his heel and continued his stride. "Come along then, we're losing starlight out here!"

Shadow followed along with a chuckle from the back of his throat. He still didn't quite feel like himself, but he felt better. It'd be a lie to say Sonic didn't help with that. "Sonic?"

The blue blur stopped mid stride and looked over his shoulder. "Yeah?"

Shadow thought for a moment, considering his options, before closing the short distance and pulling the other into a tight, awkward hug, feeling him tense up. "Thank you."

Sonic, to his credit, only hesitated for two seconds instead of twelve like Shadow thought he would before he returned the hug, seemingly making a point to avoid his back out of consideration. "First you cry on me, now you're a hugger? Who are you and what have you done with Shadow?" He teased, and Shadow couldn't help but laugh. "Seriously, though. Anytime, Shads. Anytime."

Shadow pulled himself away, and Sonic gave him a pat on the shoulder before letting go. An idea came to him then and he quickly readied himself to take off. Sonic tilted his head to the side as he stared at him, as if the extra forty-five degrees would help him figure out what was happening. A sly grin came to him as he plainly stated, "Race you there."

He didn't wait for Sonic to answer before skating away, hearing his confused and frantic yelling getting quieter by the second before the other caught up. "That's gotta be cheating, right? This shouldn't count as my birthday race! You better not count this!" He wildly gestured as he yelled.

Shadow grinned at him as he looked from the corner of his eye. "If you beat me, I might consider it."

"Wha-Shads, you-I-!" Sonic sputtered like an old car engine, stopping and starting his protests again and again before shaking his head and speeding up. "Fine! You're on! I hope you like the taste of dust, 'cause you're about to eat mine!"

Sonic easily pulled ahead, and Shadow sped up to match. They went back and forth like this for a while, and ended up doing loops around the area a few times until they ultimately sped up the steep hill next to the workshop. Sonic ended up tripping on one of the steps and losing, and Shadow ultimately decided this didn't count as Sonic's one free race as he helped him up. He couldn't read the others' faces as well as he could Sonic's, but they seemed glad to see him, and he felt a little relieved by that.

The five of them ended up staying up late into the night, Sonic zipping in and out of the house to grab more and more things, including seemingly every guitar he owned for an impromptu lesson. Knuckles almost snapped the neck of one trying to copy Sonic's hand placement and immediately tapped out after, the rest of the group following suit when they were done, and it ended up turning into Sonic playing whatever came to mind and the rest of them singing along around the campfire. Amy had brought her fortune cards and read their fortunes, teasing Knuckles mercilessly when his apparently claimed he had a crush that he neither confirmed or denied, but the fact his muzzle turned almost as red as the rest of him told them everything. Tails pulled out blankets and sleeping bags, tossing one over his brother's head and laughing when the hedgehog started chasing him with it primed and ready to snatch him up.

They ended up using the bags to make a giant mat on the ground, and Shadow marveled at how bright the sky was here, the stars varied in brightness and the band of their galaxy stretching across the night sky. However, his eyes still found their way to the ARK, easily finding those two brilliant stars near it. He tuned out the group's chatter, feeling sleep begin to lap at his consciousness in waves, eventually dragging him to one of the most peaceful sleeps he'd had in years.

That night, Shadow dreamed of looking up at the night sky in the flower field with his family.

#sonic #sonic the hedgehog #shadow the hedgehog #sonic x shadow generations #sonic series #sth #sonic fanfiction #sonic the hedghog fanfiction #sonadow #thats not really the focus but i definitely wrote it with that in mind so #also i want to note i started this in june 2022 and the only reason i finished it is in fact bc of the movie and sxsg #also those in the crowd that have seen the third movie may be able to pinpoint exactly which point a specific scene influenced the writing #this is spoiler free for that tho dw #my writing

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