#dunno whats up w my wifi!

[lonereaper]

style testing w fortnite portraits

[seriesxwriting]

Giving in to you

W stiles stilinski

𝐆𝐢𝐯𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐢𝐧𝐭𝐨 𝐲𝐨𝐮- 𝐩𝐚𝐫𝐭 𝐭𝐰𝐨 (𝐧𝐞𝐱𝐭 𝐜𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐭𝐞𝐫)

Series- tw (teen wolf)

Paring- stiles and McCall fem reader

Warnings- kissing, t-shirt removing, swearing, um cliff jumping??

Summary- you can’t tell stiles how you feel. He’s your brother’s best friends, surely he wouldn’t even look at you twice. But on the anual camping trip you realised that he’s struggling to not give in to you just as much as you are him.

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The anual camping trip. It was that time once again where me, my family and a few family friends all packed up the cars to the brim just to camp out in a cold, boring woods. Needless to add the fact there was no wifi or electricity, even working toilets didn’t accompany us on the trip. I knew it was going to be a weekend of my mum trying and failing to catch fish, stiles and Scott ditching me, made up camp fire stories and uncomfortable sleeping.

Still, i couldn’t get out of it. So here I stood with my hands on my hips biting my lip trying to figure out if my orange, wonky tent was supposed to be wonky or if it would fall down and suffocate me in my sleep. I guess that would be a way out of the trip. 

“Y/n- that doesn’t look right” my brother observed as he walked over holding his backpack with one strap on his shoulder. “Yeah.. I was just thinking that” “you didn’t pull the strings tight enough” stiles chuckled joining us, he began pulling the strings out the ground. “Pass me the hammer” he pointed to my hand with a smile. He was so cute.

Shut up y/n, that’s your brothers best friend don’t be selfish he wou- “hellloo? Earth to y/n” stiles called out pulling me from my day dream. “Shit- here” I passed him the hammer and using his strong muscular arms pushed it into the ground making my tent look somewhat normal. “Thanks” I smiled when he stood back up. “Well i don’t want it falling on us when we’re asleep” he laughed giving me the hammer back. When his hand touched mine I felt electric sparks fly off.

“Us?” “Yeah, my tent was wrecked so Scott said i could just crash with you guys” stiles explained looking down at it. “Not a- problem Right?” “N- no no not at all” I practically shouted feeling nervous, stiles looked at me with one eye closed. It felt like it was just us here, even though everyone was clanging around us. “A-are we okay? I dunno it’s just felt like you’ve been a bit off with me recently” stiles asked turning to look at me once more.

Yeah because I realised I liked you more than I’m supposed to, more than I’m allowed to. “Yeah we’re fine of course we’re fine” “good- good, your the last person I wanna fall out with y/n” stiles told me lowering his voice as if we were talking about some secret drug deal that was about to go on. You’d think Scott would be the last person he wanted to fall out with, right?

I couldn’t tell if he was flirting EVER. He was quite hard to read. It was stuff like this that he said to me that made me fall for him. I wonder what he was thinking. “No we’re- fine, Im just- I don’t really like these trips so I’m a bit off I guess” “why don’t you like them?” He wondered with a little laugh. “Because- I’m in the middle of the wood with no phone and I stick to my mums side like we’re magnets because there’s nothing else to do”

“What? There’s loads to do why don’t you ever come with me and Scott to explore and mess about?” Stiles jerked his head back in shock, my lips pressed together looking at stiles. “I didn’t get an invite” “yes you did, I always tell Scott to ask if you want to join us- always”. I took a second to swallow that information. Fucking Scott. I didn’t want to bate out my brother but that had really pissed me off. “Maybe I wanted an invite from you” I shrugged softly smirking still holding eye contact with the boy.

“Did you now?”. I hummed in response keeping my thoughts a mystery, stiles let out a breathy laugh breaking our eye contact for a second. His cheeks turned slightly pink almost as if he was nervous. “Well you’ve got an invite, trust me i wouldn’t turn down spending any time with you”. I watched his eyes carefully, so when I saw them flick to my lips I knew for a fact he was thinking what I was thinking. We gave each other a look both knowing exactly what we were both imagining right now.

“Stiles! Come help me with the air bed” Scott shouted over from the famous jeep breaking the tension between us. Stiles looked across at Scott and then back to me “you coming?” “No I’ll leave that to you men” my hands shot up in defence and a laugh tumbled out of my pink lips. “The quicker it’s done the quicker we can get away from camp” he wiggled his eye brows at me before his arms stretched out and pressed down on my shoulders.

Stiles turned me around and walked me over to Scott as I giggled and tried to escape his grasp. Us three on our own carried the bed into the tent and managed to blow it up to an adequate level of comfortableness. After that was done we filled the tent with everything it needed, that being the flasks, the cool box, blankets and pillows and our bags with some change of clothes and activities to keep us occupied. It was much more fun doing it with stiles and Scott instead of just my brother this time.

“It looks perfect, shall we set off?” Stiles looked to Scott who had gotten comfy in one of the chairs. He had a flask of tea and a pink flowery blanket sprawled across his lap. But that didn’t matter, he was the alpha he could do as he wished with no questions asked. “Yeah sure, let’s go that way” he pointed behind our tent “mum, we’re going off to have a look about” Scott called out grabbing his mum’s attention, she stopped her conversation with Noah to wave at scott.

“Alright hun, will you bring some sticks back with you for another fire” she pointed to the pan sitting on the chard sticks. “Yeah will do, here y/n you can finish my tea” Scott said clearing making the assumption that I wasn’t coming with them. “She’s coming, just leave your tea there it will still be hot” stiles explained pointing at the ground. Scott’s eyes flicked towards me. “Come on” I told him with a sarcastic smile knowing he didn’t want me there. “Fine” he muttered putting his drink down in the grass and bouncing up, heading into the woods.

Stiles turned his head to give me a soft smile and nodded me along. He waited until I got to his side and then we followed scott into the woods. “I shouldn’t have worn shorts and a crop too, these mozzys are killing me” i snarled slapping my leg trying to kill the blood sucker. “Gonna have to disagree, I like your outfit” stiles shrugged lightly looking down at me “this is just stuff I usually wear nothing special” I giggled shaking my head.

“I know, I remember when you wore that top to school because the boys wouldn’t shut the fuck up about it all day long” stiles rolled his eyes. What was going on. “I-m sure they were just- messing around” “i don’t care either way they shouldn’t have been saying it they shouldn’t have even been looking” stiles told me in a much more serious tone making my heart pound against my chest. “Stiles it’s really not that deep” I shook my head making my hair fall into my face. “It is to me” I heard him mutter under his breath.

“Why” “Because i couldn’t stop them- no one, I couldn’t stop their thoughts about you i couldn’t stop them looking at you” he told me stopping in his tracks making me stop too and look directly into his baby brown eyes. Was he jealous? No that couldn’t be it, couldn’t it? “Because you’re not mine and that felt shit”. I blinked at the boy towering over me as the air pulled its self out of my throat and my heart nervously pumped out of my chest.

“Guys! Come check this out!” Scott yelled from up ahead. “We should- go” stiles began walking putting a defensive wall up between us. I watched him walk off for a few moments before I made my own move. I was so confused. We trudged through the sky scraping trees before we got to a clearing and there stood a huge lake with a sort of waterfall coming down from some rocks. “Looks like fishing is on the table” Scott told us as we took in the view. “It’s beautiful” “yeah, beautiful” stiles agreed, but when I looked across at him he wasn’t looking at the view. He was looking at me.

“Let’s go see if there’s any rocks at the bottom of the water, if there isn’t we should be able to jump in” Scott wriggled his eyebrows up and down. He bagan to wade his way in after removing his top. Stiles copied throwing his top onto the the floor and removing his shoes. I had to grit my teeth together so my mouth didn’t hang open or I started drooling. Scott turned around splashing at stiles beginning a water bending fight. “There’s no rocks over here” stiles called out ten seconds before he disappeared under the water.

“And it’s pretty deep too” he yelled when he came up for air. His hands ran through his hair and the moment felt as if it was played In slow mo. “Come on y/n, climb up” stiles shouted as he began pulling himself out the water onto the rock formation. “I don’t really- like hights!” I yelled back across the water. “Don’t be a baby!” Scott cackled as he climbed up behind stiles. I let out an annoyed sigh before taking off my shoes. I went round so I didn’t have to get into the water.

When I reached the top the boys were lying on the grass laughing and panting. “I won! I beat the alpha!” Stiles howled out and he fist pumped the air. “You got out first” Scott laughed shaking his head while standing. He looked down at the water before backing up. “Your just jealous j-e-a…” Stiles chuckled sitting up with his legs dangling down. Scott whizzed past us cutting stiles off, taking a large leap into the air and then plummeting into the water. I gasped covering my mouth but relaxed after I heard a splash and then a very excited scream come from my brother mouth.

“Come On” stiles looked my way laughing a little. “I’m not sure sti” I chewed on my lip looking down. “Do it with me then” he told me pushing up off the floor. “You can close your eyes if you have to” he leant his head to the side playfully “come on I’m not gonna let anything happen to you, you just have to hold on” “fine” I rolled my eyes trying to hide my smile. “Get on” stiles tapped his back, slowly walking over I held onto his shoulders and then jumped onto his back. He caught me tightly holding me against him.

“You okay?” He asked gently turning around to me, my chin was resting on his shoulder so our faces were now inches away from each others. “Y-yeah” I gave him a breathy answer. “Good” he answered looking at the side of the cliff that we were edging towards. “Stiles i don’t….” And with that he leaped far off the cliff. I felt the air rushing past my whole body. I couldn’t breath. And then we hit the cold water. Letting go of stiles I splashed about panicking, but I felt a hand on my wrist pulling me up to the surface.

“You okay?” Stiles laughed attaching a hand to my hip bringing me towards him so I was sturdy until my memory of treading water was triggered. “That was fucking awesome! Let’s go again” I rushed swiping my wet hair out of my face. Stiles left out a laugh throwing his head back, I looked at Scott who was looking at us suspiciously. “You coming?” I quizzed pulling instantly away from stiles and swimming to rock wall. “Yeah” Scott nodded. And that’s what we did for what felt like hours. Messing around in the water.

On the way back we collected some stick for the fire but it was pretty hard as the moon was coming up and our source of light was no more above us. When we got back to camp our food was ready, apparently Noah got tired of waiting for us and went off to get sticks himself, so we now had a surplus of sticks. We told them about the body of water we found and surprise surprise my mum said we can go fishing tomorrow. And as if somebody was reading what I was saying, the camp stories began after dinner.

“Dad you didn’t see a ufo on one of your calls” stiles rolled his eyes laughing. “Were you There stiles? No, so how would you know what I saw?” Noah raised an eyebrow at his son who still didn’t believe him. “We dunno what’s out there” Scott shrugged looking up at the stars. “We’ve seen things that no one else would believe” “yeah but… aliens?” My mother chewed her lip nervously, clearly frightened of that idea. “I think I’m going to go and get comfy, if I don’t come back out Goodnight everyone” I smiled pushing up from the fold up chair.

“Night sweetheart” my mum beamed at me. I unzipped my tent, it was quite big it had two compartments one for sleeping and one for living in. I spent what felt like hours sitting in the corner with a blanket reading my book before I decided to get changed into my pjs for extra comfort. I climbed into some gym shorts and I was just about to put my top on before stiles stepped into the tent. “Shit- shit I’m- sorry” he swallowed nervously turning around quicker than I’d ever seen him move.

“It’s just a bra stiles” I laughed shrugging it off while trying to find the top I wanted. “No I- should have knocked” “we’re in a tent” I told him feeding my head through the hole and my arms after. “Where is everyone?” “Everyone’s in the car listening to some music, most of the adults are drunk” “as per, You can turn around now and stop complaining” i sniggered while zipping up my bag. “Oh that wasn’t me complaining, that was me respecting you- and boundaries” he said when he looked back at me. “Well next time Don’t be so respectful”.

Stiles watched my smirk from the floor as he tried to figure out what I meant by that. “Don’t start something because I will finish it” stiles told me as flick of excitement flashed in his eyes. “I don’t know what you mean by that- I don’t know what you mean half the time” I scoffed looking at him with my y/e/c eyes. “Stop it because I’m trying so hard here…” he sighed looking upwards. “Trying hard to do what” “keep control- but that’s not something I have when I’m around you” he admitted. I was bored of messing around.

I needed to know what he was thinking, what he felt. “Then give in, why are you trying?”. Stiles looked back down at me hungrily, I saw the exact moment he gave up the control. He darted towards me lowering to my level. I knew exactly what was about to happen. Stiles latched his lips onto mine holding my face close as if he didn’t want to let me go. I pulled myself up so my body could be closer to his and an arm went around his neck, my hand pleasantly found his hair. “I’m so fucked” stiles whispered against my lips.

I kissed him harder “Why?” “Because I’ve lost control now and I have no intention of trying to get it back” he told me pulling away for a second to look at me. “I don’t want you to get it back, this is what I want stiles” I whispered before pressing our lips together again. The boy pulled the top off that shouldn’t have been put on in the first place and then he lowered me to the ground kissing me again moving his tongue into my mouth.

“Stiles is y/n asleep i w…” scott pulled open the tent door. His eyes locked with mine before stiles’s seeing him over the top of me wearing no top. My face instantly turned red, stiles didn’t exactly get off me either because of my bra being on show.

Scott’s eyes flashed red.

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Masterlist

[mamirhodessxox]

Hey There Delilah Incorrect Quotes.

🌸🌼🌸🌼🌸🌼🌸🌼🌸🌼🌸🌼🌸

Jey: If we’re in trouble, just throw Cody at the problem, and hope for the best.

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Seth: *slams books down in front of Cody*

Seth: Boil up some Mountain Dew. It’s gonna be a long night.

Cody: You could of said literally anything else.

Seth: Cauldron boil and cauldron bubble, Baja Blast to fuel my trouble.

Cody: I’m going to just stop challenging you when you say random shit. I won’t win. I realize this now.

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Seth: Let's just agree to both say we're sorry on the count of three.

Seth: One... two... three.

Cody: ...

Seth: ...

Seth: See, now I'm just disappointed in both of us.

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Cody: Okay, looking good. Okay, ciders mulling, turkey’s turking, yams are yamming … What?

Mira: I don’t know. It’s just not the same without Randy in the kitchen.

Cody: All right, that’s it. Just get out of my way and stop annoying me.

Mira: That’s closer.

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Seth, playing a video game: This game is so frustrating! I hate it, I hate it, I hate it!

Randy: Ok, I think it’s time to turn off the game for a little while.

Seth: But I’m having fun!

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*The gang is learning CPR on a test dummy*

Seth: So, assessing the situation. Are they breathing?

Mira: No, Seth. They are not breathing. And they have no arms or legs.

Seth: No, that’s not part of it—

Mira: Where are they? You know what? If we come across somebody with no arms or legs do we bother resuscitating them? I mean, what kind of quality of life do we have there?

Jey: I would want to live with no legs.

Mira: How about no arms? No arms or legs is basically how you exist right now, Jey. You don’t do anything.

Seth: All right, well, lets get back to it. ‘Cause you’re losing him.

Mira: *pumps frantically*

Seth: Okay, too fast. Everyone, we need to pump at a pace of a 100 beats per minute.

Mira: Okay, that’s uh, hard to keep track. How many is that per hour?

Cody: How’s that gonna help you?

Mira: I will divide and then count to it.

Cody: Right.

Seth: Okay. Well, a good trick is to pump to the tune of ‘Staying Alive’ by the Bee Gees. Do you know that song?

Mira: Yes, yes I do. I love that song. *clears throat, begins to sing* First I was afraid, I was petrified.

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Cody: Does everyone know their job for today?

Delilah: Water the flowers.

Seth: Vacuum the carpet.

Mira: Wash the dishes.

Randy: Pretend to be a wolverine.

Cody: Close enough.

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Delilah, carrying a box: What would you say if- if I, hypothetically, came home with 7 kittens one day?

Cody: …

Cody: What’s in the box?

Delilah: What woul-

Cody: Delilah, what’s in the box?

Delilah: I think you know.

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Mira: Dear Diary, my teen angst bullshit has a body count.

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Seth: What do you want for breakfast, Randy?

Randy: Gay Cheerios.

Seth: I TOLD YOU TO STOP CALLING FRUIT LOOPS THAT!!

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Rhea: ARE YOU-

Jey: Fucking.

Rhea: KIDDING ME?! YOU-

Jey: Fucking.

Rhea: IDIOT!

Cody: …What was that?

Jey: Delilah banned Rhea from swearing, so I’m helping them out.

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Randy: Why cant trees give off something important like wifi??

Cody: So fuck oxygen, I guess.

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Cody: Let’s watch Sharkboy and Lavagirl.

Delilah: Okay.

Cody: And make out during the scary parts.

Delilah: Th-

Delilah: The scary parts.

Delilah: Of Sharkboy and Lavagirl.

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Delilah: I know what a prism is! It's where you put bad people.

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Randy: You guys worried about Mira?

Becky: Totally!

Cody: Yeah, they called me in the middle of the night and just yelled, "what do I do, what do I do, what do I do, what do I do?"

Randy: And what'd you say?

Cody: "I dunno, I dunno, I dunno, I dunno."

Becky:

Randy: They're lucky to have you as a friend.

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Randy: Deep down, I'm sure I was always pretty okay with you.

Mira: Thanks, Randy!

Randy: It wasn't a compliment, numbnuts.

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Delilah: According to the footage here, you shook the vending machine and when the shake alarm went off, you punched the glass and broke it.

Mira: …I was hungry.

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🏷️ list: @ginswife @coolpastelartshoe @greatkoalawizard @cokolin044 @kotoriarlert @alicerosejensen @bunnybot55 @agent-dessis-posts @adollonyourshelf @valkyrurr @alyyaanna @niknakbucks92 @mini-rhodes @southerngirl41

[hospitalterrorizer]

diary38

10/12-16/2023

missed a few days, sadly.

that's cuz my gf needed to use her laptop pretty late into each night and the wifi at the hotel was weird and it was saying something about paying and i didn't want to cause some kind of bother so i just like, didn't do much. the tv had youtube. i watched stupid videos on it. that made me feel idiotic and awful sometimes, when the videos were very bad. but colorado, wow, i think it's very beautiful and all the people in denver/golden freak me out in a bad kind of way. like, why are so many of them namaste white people, why are there so few "trendy" (even disliking the trends) people, it's not necessarily good that people follow trends but seeing so many people entrenched in ancient ones, even in the mall, you know, in a giant, huge mall, featuring multiple stores with the word "oriental" in the name. seriously one of the biggest malls i've been to. it was really fun, in that way, it also had the biggest target my gf or i have ever seen, which was fun. but people gave me lots of weird looks, obviously, and that only got worse as time went on there i think. the area we were in seemed like heavily either namaste white people cult-y, and gently nu-christofascist cult-y, i saw a guy pray before eating in a wendy's, a woman gave me evil eyes as i tried to make way for her to pass, and not knowing which way to go, she just kept getting more hateful looking. all the people were either pretty nice or like, the kind of polite where they stare at you, side eye you, but basically treat you "fine," in every other way, meaning they don't go so far as to say anything, but the old people seemed to want to sometimes. i wasn't even very outlandish i think. i don't know. i was just trying to be an androgyne out there, nothing particularly, like, wild.

like on this hike we did up a mountain to get to the small town proper, small town meaning suburb out of denver proper so the people who live there can talk about "city people" as if they are any different (no small town in america is sufficiently different from or detached from a major city to really talk about city people like that anymore i think, they are totally enmeshed), and buy granola-crunchy-white people charms made by fitness cultists or whatevs.

golden is supposedly a very rich town, and a very educated one, over 50% of the population. very strange to me. it felt like a place bill gates loves. denver broadly gave that impression. i wasn't there for long enough to get what's really cool in the city, if anything, the landscape like i said was beautiful, though, i loved seeing the trees and animals and everything, it did make me happy.

anyways right now i am fixing a couple songs, the break i think will probably be put to better use tomorrow w/r/t listening and stuff, i'll be less exhausted from travel and that can impact my decision making, so right now i'm just doing very light detail-y stuff on some songs, basically trying to balance them.

what else about the trip, i dunno. tomorrow is when i'll get the pictures off my phone and put them here. that's exciting for me, i really like some of these photos.

i've actually never seen fall quite like that, my gf said it reminded her of jersey in places, which made me happy. i was really pleased to see actually red trees, as well as the yellow and orange ones, but i've seen those sometimes in vegas. that and the plains, the actually variable terrain, walking and noticing huge clusters of plants that aren't just everywhere, the actual diversity of the landscape and what lives there really was wonderful.

a thing about america i guess is beautiful places are sometimes also horrifically haunted feeling, or make you feel like you are haunting them. we saw a girl at this place we went into for food, she complemented our outfits, and she was wearing huge goth boots, that made me wonder about how this place felt to her, and like, if it wigged her out too, or something. a woman also was nice to us, i think i said earlier but some people were really quite nice. something about that makes the place sadder, that there are people who aren't like, some kind of mutant conservative. i saw a person's house with an "in this house we believe in science, and that love is love, and that black lives matter," and right beside it was a sign that said "thank you police officers!"

their dogs started barking at me, to get off the property, to dissuade me from a photo, but i did get one.

wondering about widening the stereo field on this song a bit. might be a good idea. i should wait until tomorrow to make that call, but as long as the tracks are balanced enough i should be able to push it farther and that will leave more room for synths and vocals and the snare.

and the right channel needs to have a few more low mids, i guess i should compress post distortion, to figure that out, but after this exports i think i should call it a night w/ music honestly cuz i am definitely not in the right place for that.

today i did get to start something fun, my friend wants to write collaborative poetry with me, he's doing it with everyone, i'm glad he saw fit to try w/ me.

speaking of poetry, in the airport today, and on the way to it, i wrote notes app poems, this is how you know you are crazy/going crazy/ whatever.

feeling like this yonekura masakane illustration, i am so beat, so,

byebye!!

[luwupercal]

so, next betrayer quote. word highlighted is "tics".

'What do you want, captain?' Pain tics flawed one side of his face, leaving the other slackened in a dull snarl. She knew better than to ask if he was in pain. Angron was always in pain.

my thoughts on this are mostly that once i'm in an area where the wifi is more consistent i'm absolutely going to research tics like the ones described here, if only to see where the inspiration from the real world might've been drawn and what that could also inversely tell us about Angron's whole situation. if anybody experiences tics like his and would like to talk about it in relation to this passage, i would love to hear, honestly

and also, Angron's chronic pain... you know, if the emperor hadn't made the primarchs immune to medication, Angron could be functioning a lot better with meds. i think that's an interesting deconstructionist angle to take, and one of many flaws in the emperor's "knowledge" of the human body that Angron demonstrates just sort of through his experiences w the emperor

prefacing this by saying i'm physically abled, but it really is not talked about enough that the emperor's view of medicine and genetics, albeit not necessarily on purpose in part of the writers, is very much an able-bodied layman's. like, he thinks if you make a guy bigger and stronger and immune-er to poison it makes him objectively better. there is canon evidence to argue the emperor doesn't understand the theory of evolution. a lot of how the primarchs work — how space marines work, too — makes no sense, including the seemingly unacknowledged interference a certain square cube law would have on their bodies or how their knees would spontaneously combust or how two hearts is not really a solution for a really big body's blood pumping conundrums.

and i know we're encouraged to just suspend our disbelief, and i usually do that with Speculative Science Whoopsies, but i find it makes a lot more sense to me in this specific case for the emperor's pseudoscience to not work in-universe either without the assist of heavy duty witchery and psykercraft, which the emperor has in spades, because it paints such a picture of him

this is somewhat getting away from me but my basic point is that the emperor being a genius geneticist and/or a strategic genius is (just based on canonical evidence and things he has done) a deeply skewed untruth, and that Angron suffered bc of that, and that him being in pain all the time is fucked up, obviously, but it's even worse knowing that he's not even undergoing any mitigating treatment for his conditions, and in fact might not even be able to do so at all specifically because he was built to fulfill the emperor's idea of a superhuman

and i dunno i just think it's a really telling dynamic that the same guy who said "if you do daemon magic you will get pregnant and die" is the same one who also went "i'm maximizing the chances you will never get poisoned or hurt permanently, but if something Does break through your barriers you're fucked forever lololololol i guess, instead of trying to be flexible and maybe devoting less time to the barrier and instead spending it on any ability for you to bounce back from anything that might cross the barrier". very just... universally abstinence-only. and now angron's suffering because of that, potentially without even painkillers or anything available to him to mitigate that eternal pain

like "if you get messed up you're fucked. simply not be hurt ever lol"

i wrote a whole angry ramble here thinking about the person who said angron should be "put down like a rabid dog" to me that one time on here if anybody else remembers but i decided to excise it because im somewhat insecure of whenever i AngryPost because it never turns out good like i always regret it. but y'know i think Angron's disability doesn't mean you should strip him of his personhood, is basically my summary of what i'm saying here

also yknow Khârn's relationship w all of this is complicated and, yeah, Angron's rage at his mistreatment, pushed further and worsened by his nails, led to him deeply gravely mistreating the WE, and when Khârn calls him out, he's right in doing so, because he's actually hurt by the ongoing chain of harm that Angron very much perpetuates. but that doesn't give the audience a right to strip him of his personhood and not treat him with respect or basic dignity. i guess is my line there

anyway all of these people are adults in the military and they're all war criminals so i'm cutting it there but i... i dunno. i hope ive expressed myself well

[pocketsizebitch13]

OC Hotel

So since I can't draw very well, I'm just gonna make character sheets and then go from there about my OC's. It's going to probably go current to older, and the character sheets are going to be based on what fandom they're from. So info may vary. This is my MC list because most of them are from things like Otomes or 1st Person Adventure games.

Original Post

Hollis Nero

Beginning of the story

Twisted Wonderland OC

Male (FtM)

16

166 cm (5'4)

July 22

Cancer/Leo Cusp

Eye Color: Holly Leaf Green

Hair Color: Holly Berry Red

Sexuality: Pan

Dorm: Ramshackle

Year: First

Class: 1-A

Occupation: Student/Prefect

Club: None

Best Subject: Magic History

Dominant Hand: Right

Favorite Food: Mocha Mint Frappuccino (Alternatively Mint Tea)

Least Favorite Food: Green Beans

Dislikes: Being miss gendered out of spite

Hobby: Sewing

Talents: Jack of all trades, Master of none

River Dusana

Obey Me OC

Demiboy

19

Human

June 25

Cancer

Hair Color: Carrot Top but dyes it light blue

Eye Color: Ice Blue

Sexuality: Pan

Likes: Adventures, Movies, Books, Photography

Dislikes: Stagnation, No Wifi, People with no depth

Kuro Ikeda

Also known as: Witchling (All Vamps)

Diabolik Lovers OC

17

Alive

Witch

Male

162.57 cm (5'4Ft)

57.6 kg (127 LBS)

August 1st

Leo

Blood type: AB+

Hair Color: Black when calm/Pumpkin Spice when using magic

Eye Color: Royal Purple

Sexuality: Gay

Occupation: 2nd year student, Free lance fortune teller

Relatives: None

Hobbies: Tarot reading/writing poetry

Favorite Food: Ginger snaps w/ Ice coffee

Salem B. Hearst

Bungou Stray Dogs OC

Genderfluid

18

152 cm (5ft)

54.44 kg (120 lbs)

July 22

Cancer/Leo Cusp

Hair Color: Strawberry Blonde (W/out ability)

Eye Color: Sage Green (w/out ability)

Blood Type: AB-

Sexuality: Panromantic

Likes:

Dislikes:

Ability: Sight to Behold

Reference: NA

Occupation: Detective (Guild Archivist - Former)

Affiliation: Armed Detective Agency (Guild - Former)

Orion Anatolius

Kingdom Hearts OC (Originally, Now they have their own original work!)

Male

19

5'7

July 8

Cancer

Hair Color: Midnight Purple

Eye color: Blood Red

Blood Type: A+

Race: Half-Beast (Human-Crow)

Sexuality: PanRomantic

Keyblade(s): 8 for Heaven & 9 for Hell (Look up Crow Rhyme (I think) if you're confused Its part of a very long rhyme)

From: Mid-day Mountains

Sirius Salvatori

Kingdom Hearts OC (Originally, Now they have their own original work!)

Male

20

5'5

June 18

Gemini

Hair Color: Starlight Silver

Eye Color: Mercury

Blood Type: O+

Race: Witch

Sexuality: Gay/Aromatic

Keyblade: For the Pack

From: Mid-day Mountains

Valentine Ceri

Servamp OC

Genderflux

Unknown Age

5'3

December 21

Sagittarius/Capricorn Cusp

Hair Color: Wine Red

Eye Color: Valentine's Day Pink

Blood Type: B-

Race: Witch

Sexuality: Pan/Poly

Zula Onyx

Original Work

Female

17

5'2

February 14

Aquarius

Hair color: Dark Auburn

Eye Color: Earthy Brown

Blood Type: O+

Race: Witch

Sexuality: Lesbian

Magic Affinity: Fire & Divination

Before anyone asks; yes most of them are redheads. I myself am one and just like to have characters that are too. Leaf it aloe.

12/23/21 edit: I dunno what happened since I last posted about my ocs but something definitely came through

My next list will be my Side Characters! Aka the Characters who have more info than my MCs. I'm also missing some so bear with me.

[angelofthequeers]

Hold Me By Both Hands: Chapter 38

Disclaimer: I don’t own ML.

Finally got power back, hence the super late update. I’ll update at the usual time after this, in like 12 hours or so.

Chapter 37 | Chapter 39 | AO3 link

“This is weird,” Marinette says after beating Misterbug at yet another game of Ultimate Mecha Strike III. Even though her arm’s still in a cast, she utterly rules at this game, to the point where Misterbug’s pretty sure that she must somehow be cheating. “It’s been like three weeks and I’m still not used to seeing you in spots.”

Welp. This is the perfect time. Misterbug’s been putting it off for weeks but Tikki’s right; he can’t just not tell Marinette that he knows she’s Ladybug.

“I get that,” Misterbug says. “Must be like making out with yourself, huh?”

Marinette’s cheeks pale ever so slightly. “H-Huh?” she stammers. “I don’t get the joke.”

“Marinette breaks her arm, then Ladybug can’t fight properly?” Misterbug says. He gives her a soft smile. “I know it’s you, bugaboo. Kitten.”

A high-pitched noise escapes Marinette, as though she’s a kettle that’s been put on to boil. Before Misterbug can try and reassure her, to at least get her to stop making that sound and attracting every dog within the city limits, Marinette grabs the cushion from her chaise lounge and starts to scream into it.

“Well,” drawls a familiar voice. Misterbug can’t help the wide smile that spreads across his face at the sight of Plagg emerging from on top of Marinette’s bed. “Good job, kid, you broke her.”

“Plagg!” Misterbug holds out his hand to let Plagg land on it. When he scratches Plagg under the chin, the little cat kwami purrs and practically melts into a puddle of black goo.

“Oh my god.” A wide-eyed Marinette is watching the exchange, the cushion clutched against her chest, ready for her to scream again. “You – I don’t – oh my god.”

“That’s my line,” Misterbug teases. “I can’t believe I fell for the same girl twice. I – ow!” he yelps when Marinette punches him with her good hand.

“Why didn’t you tell me, you – you jerk?” she bursts out. “Weeks! You’ve been pretending for weeks! I would’ve loved to know that my boyfriend knew my secret identity!”

“Hey! Easy!” Misterbug catches her hand and squeezes. “I’m sorry. I just…I was scared you wouldn’t be interested in me if you knew who I was. I can’t say why – identity reasons – but…you’re amazing, Mari, and –”

“Wait, what?” Marinette’s brow furrows. “I mean, you’re an idiot if you think I wouldn’t be interested in you unless you were, like, Chloé Bourgeois or Lila Rossi or something, but why would that stop you from telling me? I still don’t know who you are.”

“Oh. Uh…” Misterbug scratches the back of his neck with his free hand. “I guess I was psyching myself for an identity reveal. I didn’t want to leave you in the dark when I knew who you were.”

“Well, one of our identities should stay a secret, at least,” Marinette says. “But I can tell you right now, if you think I’ll run away from whoever’s under the mask, you’ve got another thing coming. Would you have run if you’d found out I was Marinette back when you liked Ladybug?”

“What? No!” Misterbug says. “You’re Ladybug. Ladybug’s you. I would’ve thought myself super lucky because even back then, I knew you were an amazing person. I freaked out when I thought Chloé was Ladybug when Lady Wifi unmasked her because…I can’t be into Chloé. I’ve never seen her like that.”

“Gag me,” Plagg mutters, but he’s ignored.

“Then there’s your answer,” Marinette says. She leans in and gives him a quick kiss. “Trust me, if you’re nothing like Chloé used to be, I don’t think I’ll be very disappointed.”

“Right. Tikki said I wouldn’t be.”

“Tikki’s very wise,” Marinette says with twitching lips. “You should listen to her.”

“I hear a certain princess is very wise as well,” Misterbug says, and Marinette giggles and rests her head on his shoulder. “But I really do think it would be a good idea to tell you who I am.”

“What? But if Hawkmoth finds out –”

“Hey.” Misterbug squeezes her gently. “I’m the one who takes hits normally, remember? And I know who you are. It’s way less dangerous for you to know who I am. And if we know each other’s identities, we can coordinate as civilians. We can cover for each other. We can…we can be a team in and out of the mask, milady. I feel like I’ve got…more power over you by knowing, if that makes sense, and I don’t wanna feel like that. We’re equals. We’re partners. Purrtners, if you will.”

Marinette’s quiet for a long, long time. Just as Misterbug’s about to start babbling an apology, to say that he’s not pushing her and he won’t reveal himself if she really doesn’t want him to, Marinette takes a deep breath and pushes herself upright.

“Okay,” she whispers and squeezes her eyes shut. “Okay. You’re right. I trust you, lovebug. If you’re sure…”

“I’ve never been surer of anything, kitten.” Misterbug takes Marinette’s hands, then says, “Tikki��spots off.” His transformation drops in a flash of pink light, and Marinette sucks in a reflexive gasp of air.

“Marinette!” Tikki nuzzles against Marinette’s cheek. Giggling, Marinette releases one of Adrien’s hands to reach up and cuddle Tikki, and…wow. She’s never been more beautiful.

“Tikki!”

“Ugh, gag me,” Plagg groans. “Just open your eyes already.”

Marinette lets out an explosive breath, then nods and opens her eyes. Adrien can see the exact moment that she fully processes who’s sitting across from her by tracking the journey mapped across her entire face: shock, disbelief, a split second of panic, then sheer, unmistakeable joy.

“Oh my god!” She slaps her hands over her mouth and rocks back and forth. “My god! It’s – how did I never – Adrien – I’ve been fighting Hawkmoth with – I’ve been making out with Adrien!”

“What d’you think, Sugarcube?” Plagg says. “Most hilarious reveal so far or what?”

“Plagg, you’re a jerk,” Tikki huffs. “…But yes, this is one of the funniest.”

“You know what’s really funny?” Adrien says as Marinette’s shoulders begin to shake. “You kept turning me down for me. And I let you go for you.”

“We’re both a bunch of idiots!” Marinette sags against Adrien’s chest, laughing so hard that tears stream down her cheeks.

“I know, right?” Adrien grins. “We could’ve been dating months ago.”

But Marinette shakes her head at that. “No,” she hiccups when she’s finally wrestled her hysterical laughter under control. “That’s one thing I don’t regret. We weren’t ready months ago.”

“Well, we’re ready now,” Adrien says. “And now that we know each other…holy shit, now I can hold you and kiss you whenever I see you. I don’t have to wait till I’m transformed.”

Marinette’s cheeks stain a dark pink colour. “W-Well…if Adrien Agreste wanted to ask Marinette Dupain-Cheng to be his girlfriend…I don’t think she’d say no.”

“But what about a certain alley cat?” Adrien gasps dramatically. “His heart would be shattered!”

Marinette snorts and shoulders him. “I think that alley cat could learn to share.”

“Hmm. You just might be right.” Adrien jolts when an idea occurs to him. “Hey, wanna make it official right now?”

Marinette squints suspiciously at him as he fumbles to pull his phone out. Before she can protest, he’s slinging an arm around her and holding out the phone, then kissing her cheek as he pushes the camera button. Thankfully, she seems to catch on just in time, as she’s giggling with her eyes closed in the picture when Adrien pulls away.

“Are you okay with this?” he says once he’s brought up Instagram. “I don’t wanna post if you don’t want me to. I’m not sure how my fans will react.”

“You know what?” Marinette throws her good arm in the air. “Do it. It’s either this or we make out in public at school tomorrow, and I’d rather save my eardrums from Alya.”

Adrien snorts. He types out casual sat afternoon gaming w my princess xx as a caption, tags marinettedesigned, then presses post, and it only takes literal seconds before notifications start pouring in by the scores.

“My god,” Marinette says over his shoulder as the notifications explode to the point where Adrien’s forced to silence his phone. “What must it be like to have a normal life?”

“I dunno,” Adrien says. “You tell me.” He twists to kiss Marinette, and she squeaks and nearly falls off the chaise.

“That’s cheating!” she complains. Before Adrien can make a witty response to that, Marinette’s phone starts to ring, and she groans as she grabs it to answer it. “Great. That’ll be Alya.”

“Pardon the fuck me?” shrieks Alya’s voice when Marinette presses answer, so loud that Adrien can hear even without the phone being on speaker. “Do you mind telling your best friend why she had to find out that you’re Adrien Agreste’s princess from Instagram? Like a common fangirl?”

“Uh, because it literally just happened two minutes ago?” Marinette says. Adrien settles back against her as she tries to soothe Alya’s wounded pride, and his eyes slip shut against his control because…lying here with Marinette is just so peaceful.

.

She must be dreaming, because there’s no way Marinette Dupain-Cheng is lucky enough in any universe to have two boys she loves be one and the same. But no, when she arrives at school the next morning and Adrien’s face lights up when he catches sight of her, she’s forced to concede that this is very much real.

“Marinette!” he calls, attracting the attention of everyone around him. Marinette speeds up into a run, her loose hair streaming behind her, because her boyfriend – her kitty, her lovebug – is waiting for her, and he’s so radiant, and it’s like she’s running on a cloud to get to him and sinking into sunlight when his arms are finally around her.

“You only saw me yesterday!” Marinette says into his shoulder. Around them are the sounds of people either cooing or loudly sobbing, but Marinette can’t bring herself to care about anyone else except the person holding her.

“Exactly,” Adrien says. “It’s been way too long.”

“Such a flatterer, my sunshine.”

“My sunshine? I like that one. Better than when Lila calls me mio sole.”

“Oh, hush, you silly sunshine prince.”

“Gag me,” mutters a familiar voice from behind them. Alya’s regarding them with crossed arms and a raised eyebrow, while Nino grins and shoots Adrien a thumbs-up from behind his girlfriend. “You’re gonna be that sickeningly sweet couple, aren’t you?”

“You’re just still bitter that you had to find out on Instagram,” Marinette teases. Alya rolls her eyes, but her lips do twitch, so she can’t truly be annoyed at Marinette and Adrien.

“Dude, how’d your old man take it?” Nino says as they head into the schoolyard. Marinette’s heart jolts.

“Oh! Right! You have to have told him, right?”

“Actually, he didn’t say much,” Adrien says. “He just gave me this look and said that so long as Marinette didn’t distract me from my obligations and we didn’t do anything to cause a scandal or make him look bad, he couldn’t care less who I dated. Although he did remember Marinette as the winner of his contest and the one who impressed Audrey Bourgeois, so you really made an impression on him, princess.”

Princess. Marinette giggles and rests her head against Adrien’s arm. She’s never going to get used to that, is she?

“Oh, hi, Chloé,” Alya says when a familiar face steps into their path. Chloé takes in Marinette and Adrien, then grimaces.

“Congratulations,” she forces out. “I’m happy for you, Adrien.”

Adrien’s face lights up. “Thanks, Chloé,” he says, and he lets go of Marinette to throw his arms around Chloé. After a moment, Chloé melts into his hug and pats his back, and Marinette had thought that she’d feel even a smidge of jealousy…but how can she, when the look on Chloé’s face is so genuinely blissful? After a moment, Chloé clears her throat and steps back.

“Just – you better not hurt him, Marinette, or I’ll destroy you,” a flustered Chloé says. “You’ll wish you’d never heard of him in your life.”

“Of course, Chloé,” Marinette says, rather than shooting back with snark like she would at any other time. “And thank you for being okay with us. It feels good to have the blessing of Adrien’s first friend.”

“Yeah, whatever,” Chloé scoffs. “You’re just lucky his best friend approves of you. I’m gonna go find Sabrina now so I don’t have to watch you two be disgusting.” She turns and struts off with her nose in the air, and Marinette exchanges a little grin with Adrien when she catches sight of a little yellow head poking out of Chloé’s purse. One look at Adrien’s matching grin confirms that he’s also seen Pollen.

“Oh my gosh, you two are together?” Lila seemingly appears out of nowhere, causing Marinette to jump. From her hazy memories of the day she’d broken her arm, she vaguely recalls a red and brown figure leading her away and saying something about Chat Noir, and although she can’t remember for sure if it’s Lila, it’s still enough to leave her just wary enough around the other girl.

“Um, yeah!” Adrien kisses Marinette on the top of the head. “Just yesterday, actually.”

“Really.” Lila beams, but there’s something…off in her eyes for the tiniest fraction of a second. It’s something that’s happened a few times now, but Lila’s been nothing but friendly despite her compulsive lying, so Marinette’s not sure if she can really trust what she sees. “That’s so amazing, guys! But I thought you weren’t into him anymore, Marinette?”

“I never said I wasn’t into him,” Marinette says. “I just put my crush aside to focus on being his friend.”

“And that’s when I realised I loved my angel,” Adrien says. Marinette groans and buries her flaming face in Adrien’s chest.

“Stop being such a sap, sunshine,” she mumbles.

“Aww,” Alya coos. Although Marinette can’t see her, the wicked smile on Alya’s face is audible.

“Well, you definitely deserve each other!” Lila says. “Oh, I have to go and call Paige Turner, the famous author! This would be the perfect inspiration for a book!”

“She’s totally lying,” Marinette grumbles when Lila’s gone.

“Yeah, but sooner or later, she’ll shoot herself in the foot,” Adrien says. “Jagged Stone, Clara Nightingale, Paige Turner…one day.”

“Alright, enough about that,” Alya says with an unnerving smile. “It’s interrogation time, you two!”

[hydatiid]

ok sorry about all the posts about it but uh,....not sure how to fix it. its not my internet (im on my laptop rn and no ping issues) so its gotta be my uhh...router connection to my PC or...something

[myblacknightworld]

21 questions

Tagged by @luce-verde, oh dear! Finally you tagged me yay! !Ahhh I’ve lived to see the day this really happened!!! I’m so lucky! (sorry for the tease)

Rules: answer twenty-one questions and tag twenty-one people

AHAHAHAAHAH!!! THERE’S REALLY SOMEONE OUT THERE WHO THINKS I KNOW THAT MANY PEOPLE, I’M CACKLING!!! So, like my dear friend @luce-verde told us all when she tagged me here, I’m not gonna pretend I know that many people, but I do have the intention of tagging some friends I have here :)))) Namely @livehorses (hey I’m back just because today I’m on a break from studying, but I’ll tell you better on Discord <3), @ilkiwer (know you ain’t here for these silly games, but I’ll boldly ignore that and tag you anyway), @reflected-reflection (hey! Long time no see, hope you’re okay <3). And of course I’d tag luce-verde, but she beat me on this and tagged me, agghhh!!

Nicknames: I have a range of nicks that started in elementary school, and some I disliked back then but now love, like one based on my surname, and the one I get called the most is my name’s short version. And don’t get me started on what my parents call me. It’s embarassing.

Zodiac: Capricorn

Height: 1.69 last time I measured (and it was about five months ago. For the record nothing changed from last year, I’ve stopped growing in height it seems). I don’t know what’s in the American measure system, so I’ll search it. It’s 5.6 and something.

Hogwarts house: Proud Slytherin here

Last thing I googled: Converting your height in feets

Fave musicians: Well.... I have like so many?????? I can’t decide, aggghhhh!!!!! I might as well skip this one? If you’re interested in a long list, send a message :)

Song stuck in your head: “Rockabye” by Clean Bandit, but soemtimes it changes to “Another One Bites the Dust“ (I love Queen).

Following: Lots of blogs I follow I follow for the fandom, then I follow people I think are funny (like I follow one guy who posts lots of funny things) and blogs that reflects my interests.

Followers: I have some friends who follow me, friends I have irl, I mean. But they’re like four people, Then, I dunno how I got all the other followers, I have some who became great friends (@livehorses​, @watcher-evervigilant I’m talking about you <3)

Do you get asks: Never got one, but I got messages tho. Does that count?

Amount of sleep: Uh? Rn that I’m studying for exams I think I sleep abt seven or six hours, when it was school period I slept sometimes about seven hours sometimes abt five (I had things to study, okay?) and probably when holidays will truly start, namely after I finish these goddamn exams, I’ll be sleeping about five hours again? Because I’ll stay up late at night catching up w tv series, animes, mangas, movies and books. (I’m downloading those like there’s no tomorrow exactly bc I plan to do just that at night when I don’t have wifi lol)

Lucky number: 3 or 7, I’m not sure. I also consider 14 a lucky number (not that it ever worked lol. Also, what kind of stupid question is this????)

What are you wearing: Right now? White t-shirt with blue anchors and dark blue shorts

Dream jobs: Translator, and please, don’t ask me anything abt this bc I had to write down about this for school and I still am offended by it.

Instruments: Oh! Oh!! This I like! This I really like!!! So, I play the flute and the piccolo, I can also play a little the trumpet and sometimes I enjoy myself with a recorder. That one time I tried to learn the guitar I broke a chord. Also I wanna learn piano and I can play one simple song on it (the start of Carols of the bells, for the record. For the record! Ah! Did you get it??? A recorder? For the record?)

Languages: Italian, English, Spanish, a lil bit of German, and I can read and understand spoken and written French, but my speaking skills are far behind what I’d like them to be. Can also understand Portuguese, but can’t speak it for the love of God.

Favourite songs: Same as fave musicians. I have too many lol

Random fact: I really love crime and mystery novels, like I’m a huge fan of Sherlock Holmes (Detective Conan w Shinichi Kudou anyone? It’s why I like that anime/manga so much, even tho it’s not my fave. Oops, two random facts. Meh, it’s okay)

Aesthetic: What? Just- what? If I really have too, mmmhhh, maybe a map of the world, books, a pen on a written papersheet, a music sheet and wild nature? Like, I really dunno. I’m trying, be kind!

[unproduciblesmackdown]

3 am’s a crazy time for it but it occurs to me i may as well give a heads up that i am like, for real at the present assuming that i’m gonna like, sometime in the very near future here be going offline again, in that sort of my ~plan~ (my one-step plan) is seeing if i can get myself on a bus (hopefully) and see if that can get me to the west coast. and from there i’ll just be like, well here i am in a place i’ve never been before, being unhoused for the second time but this time not living in my car, which is a bit different than living right out in the open, which i’ve never done. this, for example, is why i was looking up how to do makeshift stp devices. way easier to be able to pee wherever you are than have to find a place you can drop your whole pants, or an actual bathroom. apparently cutting the end off one of those plastic liquid medicine measuring things with the sorta spoon at its mouth works. anyways

i suppose it hasn’t necessarily showed but for a few weeks now i’ve def been feeling The Impending Pressure and it was getting down to the wire there not knowing if the Last Day Online would spring itself on me suddenly. but i can at least say i think i’ll have a days warning now and be able to say something with at least a matter of hours forewarning and not like, a matter of minutes. its been sorta wild though like, sorta assuming its like a Two Days Remain situation and in the midst of the unpredictability of depression, trying to just enjoy things as they’re happening, the simple stuff like chatting with people and being able to put my bullshit thoughts online...cranking out a fic chapter because it’s at least a better place to leave it hanging than it wouldve been otherwise.....just consuming this content that’s enjoyable and chill af.......i tell ya what—both in terms of being Fun and Anxiety-Reducing and Good Distractions and also, a great opportunity just to be talking to people on the daily which has been and continues to be absolutely fantastic—having been On that deh/etc will roland train for the past couple months has been a total gift. it was some great luck stumbling into that, seriously

anyways it’s weird! it’s weird thinking just like, i’ll suddenly do this thing and be on the other coast and just step out and be somewhere i don’t know and with no particular destination and maybe the lgbt center i looked up will at least tell me whats the best area to be in, sometimes they’re in the know abt that re: where’s a better spot to be homeless in than others. and from there, y’know, all i’ve been doing for years and all i can continue to do is absolutely wing it. and it’s funny that this all seems slightly less intimidating to me than it wouldve like, a year or two ago (even tho two yrs ago i was technically homeless lol but living in my car so like i said its different from living Right on the street) but honestly, obviously, it’s still very intimidating because how could it not be. i’m maybe not AS anxious but i’m still anxious and even though i know i could do it, i’d be stressed tf out and anxious as hell and shit while i was doing it. i mean, a crosscountry bus ride alone—i’ve never done that!! what if i mess up switching over to a different connecting ride between stations. bus and train bathrooms unnerve me, god forbid i have to get past someone to get to the aisle to GO to the bathroom. and, yknow, just a really long bus ride—how do you manage to sleep, how do i manage not to fall asleep at the wrong time cuz i doubt there’s an attendant telling you to get off at the right stop. though god knows it’s somewhat arbitrary where i’m deciding to go, i have no especial connection in one particular place over another, i think i have an uncle and cousin in CA but i don’t have the first idea where and i don’t know them at all

ugh. like there’s no actual way to feel good about it but if i’m gonna go somewhere it might as well be in a completely different place and i could try the west coast and i’m not one for making careful plans or thinking that making careful plans about your life works unless you’ve already got a lot of control about your situation, which i don’t. and it’s always been p inevitable that i wind up “properly” homeless, and it happens, and i don’t pretend it doesn’t scare me, but what are you gonna do? c’est ca que c’est / la vie. this way there’s a chance that A Big Change might lead the way for something better, and like hey if i die or some shit i die, which has always been a possibility anyways for the past like 6-7 years especially, what with how shitty i’ve felt lol. but i have no attachment where i’m at now and just. it’s hard to explain i guess if you’re not in the kind of place where i’m at but there’s not a lot of choices in the first place so, if i can choose the location, if it can be somewhere new where i MIGHT like to be for once, that’s better than not. and somehow so far i’ve managed to go with the flow surrounding big changes and sometimes wild situations, even if i’ve felt like crap and been super worried sometimes too. i don’t know for how many years now i’ve been Not assuming i’d be alive by the next year, but here i am having gotten this far, at least. it’s fairly impressive even if i don’t have any amazing achievements. believe it or not i’m pretty satisfied with my Achievements as just like, dumbass blog posts and fic/art and occasionally contributing something someone enjoys and getting to talk to people sometimes. it’s how i’ve been able to enjoy myself in the midst of some really awful times for the past like 6 yrs and i’ve appreciated it every day i’ve gotten to surf the net

like i guess it’s like haha, nerd, that half of what i’m worried about is being offline. but it’s a big deal being able to connect w the world beyond your immediate reach and distract yourself and say things and maybe even Enjoy yourself and also actually get to talk to people. but hey sometimes even people who live on the street manage to snag wifi connections somehow. i’d have to ask them how, lol. but, yknow, like i said, for a couple weeks especially it’s been like , Not Assuming I’ll NOT Lose Internet Connection and thus really trying to bear down on appreciating it. not like being offline for 5 months or so didn’t also make me appreciate it extra already. i was gonna say i survived it but i did get wildly depressed throughout like, august? september? probably both lol. anyways. what i’m trying to say i guess is that i’m not actually assuming i’ll be okay, but that only means so much because like, not to sound dramatic but i’ve pretty much never been okay on account of ive been just a half step away from living on the streets ever since leaving my parents house where i’d previously lived my whole life, which was an abusive situation. and also the depression and the years of really wanting to die which, at least 2018 didn’t have TOO much of that, in terms of feeling like it might be impending. now i can’t really be bothered, i’m just floating along and if i die i die, right. what i’m trying to say is, there’s not really any Good Proper option to choose where i’m definitely okay, so it’s basically about choosing between bad options, and with this choice i might at least like the location a little better, change of scenery, not as cold as here, i dunno. there’s not a way to just choose my way into being okay. it’s all a roll of the dice anyhow

also it’s weird but one thing about being on my own is it takes the pressure off me in certain ways and it’s a bit easier for me to Do things. if there’s anyone else to answer to in any way, i tend to just not ever decide anything and definitely don’t pursue anything. i’m one of those ppl who either has to live alone or with ppl they’re really really really comfortable with, and since i don’t have the latter around and nobody especially me can afford the former, it’s like, well, how is not everybody homeless anyway, right? and people do it. because yknow, you have to do it, it’s suddenly just your situation and somehow people get through every day. idk. learn as you go. what can ya do. it’s choosing between various bad options, i could also just wander into the mountains and die, but i’d rather not, and offing myself is Way a hassle, and also would be difficult, same as dying of exposure/dehydration in this middle of nowhere patch of mtns. i might as well try my luck at being in a place where you COULD maybe survive or something, and where i could at least feel like, if i do manage to have any good things happen, i would even possibly want to be in that area and be more comfortable living there. i have no roots anywhere and only have a No Zone (near my parents house) and so its sorta like, pick a random place to be!! lol. ahhhh

what can i say. it also sucks having to think “boy, in addition to not dying, hope i don’t get physically/sexually assaulted—also, how do people get water??” but......such is the way that it is. i don’t know. i don’t think anybody looks at impending homelessness and goes “i’m okay about this and not at all afraid.” and it’s strange to talk about how this is sort of ~by choice~ but it’s not exactly, in that i didn’t choose to only have abusive family and how even though i was working while living in my car it would never have been enough for rent probably even if i had someone to split it with and i also didn’t choose to not be rich in the first place and *the economy...... .png*

sigh. i dunno, it’s hard because i can’t talk about it a right way or long enough and get to a point i don’t feel intimidated or upset that once i Go Offline i’ll for real just be on my own unless and until i manage to get online for a moment again, in which case i’ll still be on my own, but i’ll feel a bit less alone, ha ha

anyways. speaking of trying to appreciate the simple pleasures of talking about whatever weird shit i wanna talk about and pushing myself to draw/write as it feels like it gets even more down to the wire—time to do that! 4 am and time to draw this weird meme & hopefully crank out the rest of this oneshot & maybe even draw again, and maybe again—it’s cool cuz i slept weird the other night and then got again weirdly tired in the afternoon and took a long depression nap w sorta fun, sorta bizarre dreams. augh. so at least i figure i’m just cruisin now, Not Sleeping-wise

i might have to ask a favor eventually in that there’s something really super simple i ought to look up, but i’d have a ton of trouble making myself do so because of anxiety, yknow how it is. but i’ll ask that if and when i ask it

[zhuzhengtingting]

From Onscreen to Off

Member: Cai Xukun

Genre: angst, fluff

Word Count: 5282 (this somehow got super long rip)

Summary: there came a time where the chemistry between you and Xukun didn’t end when the director called “Cut!”

(my gif)

Sweaty blond bangs plastered to his forehead, rain threatening to fall, and no jacket in sight, Cai Xukun sees you sitting alone, trembling, on the wooden park bench.

You, with your canvas school bag and your hands wrung at your knees. You, with your eyebrows furrowed ever so slightly and your eyes cast on your shoes, you, you, you you you.

You.

He takes a step forward on the cobble, your name tumbling from his lips.

“Xiaodan?”

Your gaze seems to lift in steps, terraces, and when he sees your red-rimmed eyes, his heart...seizes.

“Xiaodan?” he repeats, fainter, unable to do anything else. He watches you softly, wishing to do something, anything, to help you.

A fat raindrop falls on his cheek the same moment the tears finally roll down yours, and he can’t help but kneel at your feet, nevermind the wet street, nevermind the fact that he barely knows you. “Hey,” he says, hesitantly reaching up to touch your cheek.

His thumb brushes away the tears almost tenderly as you stammer, "W-weiyuan?”

“Cut!

"That was fantastic," the director calls, and you and Xukun simultaneously sigh in relief.

As the crew begins clearing up the set, Xukun offers his hand, and you take it gratefully, letting him help hoist you up. "Great work today," he smiles, and you nod in return.

"You too." And because you're unsure of what to say next, you say nothing at all. Instead, you walk with him over to the director and the crew, and nod again when he asks if there's anything you two can do to help clean up.

You're tasked with talking to each other—seriously—as you pick up random sodden trash around the area, but you don't perform very. It's silent, a bit uncomfortably so, for about five minutes of bending over and plucking random whatevers off the street and into a little plastic bag until Xukun almost falls because of the wet stone.

Somehow, a split second later, you're falling backwards too, Xukun's wrist in your tight grip, and there's a strange see-saw effect as you both teeter, trying to offset the other from jamming their tailbone straight onto the cobble. It’s ultimately ineffective, when the balance ends in a splash! and two silly, soaked costars.

Xukun giggles, and you marvel at the strange juxtaposition between the sound and the image he constantly tries to project on set.

It stops abruptly. “Why are you looking at me like that?” he asks.

You tilt your head. “Like what?”

He’s strangely expressionless when he answers, “like you’re constipated mixed with me having something on my face.”

It isn’t until you, too, burst out laughing that he realizes what he just said, and he quickly tries to cover it up with an “oh my god I’m so sorry I didn’t mean to say that I can’t believe I just said that to you.”

Now snorting, you shush him with a few flaps from your hand. “No, it was just weird hearing you giggle like that. You always make yourself seem rather serious and manly .”

“Always? Wait. Did you know who I was before we were cast?”

You squint at him, careful not to be too disrespectful as you’re still a bit younger than him, when you reply, “of course. Did you think I was living under a rock?”

He gasps, pausing all movement. “But you’re so well renowned.”

“I guess?” you say with a sheepish smile. “I’ve just been in the business for a long time, it’s not like I’m spectacular or anything.”

He frowns, but lets it go. “Are you okay, though?”

“Yeah, I’m fine. You?”

“Me too.”

♡

The first week of filming wraps up with a cast party at a bar.

Xukun, surprisingly, sits alone with a soda and a black satin bomber jacket slung over his shoulders, and you approach him, taking silent note of how his back straightens immediately. You stop next to him.

"Hey, we almost match."

And you do. You're both wearing jeans, a fitted t-shirt, and a satin bomber jacket, woth the only differences being that your jacket and his shirt are white, while his jacket and your shirt are black.

“You don’t have to be so formal,” you tell him when he doesn't respond, pushing over the plate of mini jianbang. “You’re still older than me.”

He stares at it before fixing you with the same intensity as he says, “yes. I do.”

You roll your eyes, wondering why you aren’t used to this already. “Please, don’t. Besides you, I’m the youngest on this set by at least ten years, so it’s both uncomfortable and lonely.” Sticking out your hand, you tack on, “plus, it was fun earlier.”

He takes it cautiously, before inviting you to sit next to him. "You're not drinking alcohol either?"

You shake your head. "I have to shoot a commercial tomorrow. You have a program, right? With your group."

"Yes—yeah," he corrects himself. "How did you know?"

"Lucky guess? I'm a bit smarter than most people tend to think," you laugh.

"You're smart," he says.

"Thanks, but I don't need the validation. What I do need, however, is your phone number if I'm ever going to be able to communicate with you. What's your Wechat username?"

♡

The text you get from him the next morning keeps you noticeably warmer and more alert during the shoot.

He, however, has already left to wait backstage when your reply comes through.

[Cai Xukun → you] good luck today

[You → Cai Xukun] thanks ^.^ you too

♡

Shooting continues to be awkward.

Despite greeting each other much more frequently now, both over text and in person, Xukun keeps his distance. It, thankfully, doesn’t translate over film, but you can’t help but feel a bit hurt and outcast.

You’re used to it, unfortunately. People either find you intimidating or annoying, and, despite your friendliness, you only have about two friends. Maybe three.

Honestly, who cares about awards and fame when you don’t have anyone to celebrate with. You’ve been living on your own for years already, having bought your parents a nice house in an unpopulated and beautiful part of the mid-coast, where they, though peaceful, have rather limited access to wifi.

This time, however, instead of confiding in your few friends about this, you take strength from a fan who’s been with you since you were a toddler. She was a toddler then, too, and you have a binder solely designated for her fan letters and drawings from then until now.

(Sometimes you wish she would leave her SNS information, because she always does bring you great comfort.)

Good luck in filming! I saw you wore the necklace I sent in my last letter to an interview and I really couldn’t help squealing!!! I’m so glad you like it. But... I couldn’t help but notice that you seemed kind of sad, especially when he asked about your social life and your Weibo. It’s kind of desolate, if I may be so honest, but it’s always like that. I just hope you’re making friends. If you’re not—go do that! You can do it! I believe in you! ♥♥

Her encouragement in mind, you eat lunch with Xukun every chance you can, trying to get him to open up with conversation. His replies, though, are always polite, but short, and almost afraid of getting closer.

You always brace yourself for another try.

♡

It takes you pulling Xukun's cheek in an improvised bout of inspiration during a scene for him to finally stop treating you like you're fifty.

“That was uncalled for,” he whines once you’re both done filming for the day.

“Was it, though? I dunno. They looked so plump and inviting, and I think it’s unfair for you to be the only one to be able to poke and touch them.” You then proceed to make him flustered further when you reach up to ruffle his hair.

“Hey!” A second later, his tongue sticks out at you, and you positively cackle.

“What???”

“You’re acting like we’re equals.”

He sighs, but you grin. “Finally.”

“I mean—”

“No. Shut up. Unless you’re going to treat me like a friend, and not a senior, you don’t have permission to speak.”

He groans in frustration. “You’re a tough one.”

“Perfect,” you tell him. “I’m trying to be.”

He looks up at you through his lashes, almost guilty.

“You seem tired,” you say, and that guilty look immediately deepens. “Is it alright for me to ask about it?”

He looks at you full on for a few seconds, before shaking his head and smiling. Just as you’re about to scramble and apologize for intruding, he tells you, “yeah. I’ve had a bunch of legal proceedings to deal with.”

You grimace sympathetically. “With your old company? Don’t look so shocked—I barely don’t live under a rock.”

His next words are directed at his thumbs rather than at you, tumbling out of him like he’s in character. “It’s a bit tiring, to be honest. And I feel as though I can’t really talk about it with the others.”

You sit down next to him, elbow on your knee. “This life tends to be like that. Honestly, I’ve lived most of it alone, so when I saw you, I thought I should try and reach out a bit.”

“Thank you.”

“No need. You’d be helping me more, I think.”

♡

“Hah! Take that, Cai Xukun!”

He falls to his knees dramatically, hands flying to his ears. “I can’t believe I just lost at air hockey. I never lose in air hockey.”

Your replying grin is a bit more mischievous than Xukun has ever seen—albeit a bit ruined by your panting from just going at it—, and when he tells you so, it grows to liken the Cheshire Cat. Corners of the mouth to the ears, wide eyes shifting side to side, and all strangely coincidentally completed with a purple (horizontally) striped shirt.

This is the third time you two have hung out alone. Each time, you both picked a relatively uncrowded area so your masks and disguises wouldn’t invariably end up drawing more attention. An arcade during school and class hours, as you’ve picked this time, fulfills the need of privacy and light hearted fun.

“You destroyed me in basketball an hour ago, though,” you offer as you stretch out a hand to help him up.

“True,” he agrees, and as he takes your hand, he says, “this is a familiar scene.”

Chortling, you dig your heels into the diamond rugged floor and bring him up. It requires much less effort than you would have expected. “At least we’re inside and dry this time.”

“We can change that,” Xukun begins, something sly spreading across his face. He shoves his hands into the pockets of his gray joggers, lifting his t-shirt clad shoulders. “What about going swimming next time?”

You snort in a way much unlike your public image. “Are you going to turn it into a contest, or is this an excuse to see me in a swimsuit?”

“No, no, no, I just like swimming,” he tries to explain quickly, but—

“The glint in your eyes and your red ears say otherwise,” you sing-song, and he laughs awkwardly.

“Okay, maybe it crossed my mind,” he admits, scratching the back of his neck, still somehow looking down to meet you in the eyes. “But that wasn’t the sole—I mean main—reason. I promise.”

♡

Xukun is unhappily surprised when you show up in a swim shirt.

“Sucks to be you,” you tell him, leaning over the edge of the pool to bop him on his (admittedly, much too cute) nose. You’re about to ruffle his wet hair too, when he beats you to it.

“Nope. I’m winning this time.”

“Hm. Maybe,” you say, leaning over further, using his shoulder as support. “Are you wearing colored contacts right now? What, trying to impress all the girls who are not in the pool?”

“Yes,” he deadpans. “All of them—oh my god.”

You.... Well you’ve lost your balance, hand sliding up and past his whole being, nose heading straight for Xukun’s jaw, and are abruptly, and almost violently, stabilized by the heel of his palm under your collarbone. You nearly collapse, choking enough on your own spit to be uncomfortable, but not enough for it to be serious.

Some random guy only a few years older than you walks out the door, but not before whistling.

Xukun stumbles back as you push him in mortification, sliding from the wall of the pool to the actual pool, curling into yourself, before being pulled back up to the surface. Facing you is a concerned Xukun, who quickly turns to a disgruntles Xukun when you dissolve in laughter.

“Oh my god,” you say. “I can’t believe that just happened.”

He shakes his head disapprovingly at you. “Now we have to race. You nearly gave me a heart attack.”

“What? No. Ew. Exercise.”

He puffs his chest up. “I am older than you.”

“Wow, I cannot believe you,” you begin, but he’s already started. Cheater, you think, sorely tempted to pull on his exposed, but quickly disappearing heel.

You gear up, pushing your feet off the wall and torpedoing to the center of the pool, finally making use of that swim training you received about two years ago for a movie. Unfortunately, due to a lack of... keeping up, you gasp every time you come up for air.

As someone constantly on both big and small screens, and even more frequently being photographed, you stay in shape. You have to.

But “for the love of god, competitive swimming is really something else,” you tell Xukun after he (inevitably) wins.

“Yeah,” he answers. “But, since I won, I should get a prize.”

You raise your eyebrows to the ceiling. “Hm? After cheating, you mean?”

“No, after winning,” he emphasizes. “After all, you did say competitive swimming is something else, which means I’m something else, which means I deserve a prize.”

The look in his eyes is too much and you relent, visibly hunching over. “Okay, fine.”

♡

“You know, when you told me that we were going to watch your favorite movie, I did not expect it to me one of mine,” you tell Xukun, settling on the couch in his dorm.

“I kind of... forgot? I’ve been comfortable around you lately and it somehow slipped my mind,” he explains.

“Comfortable, huh?”

He quickly backtracks. “In a good way.”

“I wasn’t saying it wasn’t,” you laugh. “Good to know.”

He sits next to you, careful not to sit too far, but also not to sit too close as to make it seem like he’s trying to pull anything. “Good.”

“So where are the others?” you ask, looking around. “It’s quiet.”

He shrugs. “I kicked them out.”

You gasp dramatically. “Just for me? What’s a person to do when Cai Xukun—mmmmffffff.” You claw at the pillow he shoves in front of your face.

“Just... shush. Let’s watch the movie.”

He points the remote at the TV, slinging his right elbow on your left shoulder, in a weird, vaguely uncomfortable, vaguely fraternistic gesture.

“You know,” he murmurs about half an hour in, “when I was trying to study for this role, I kept going back to your work. Whenever you act—it’s so believable. Your gestures, your expressions, your tone... Zhang PD would commend you on your balance.”

You stiffen. “Well that was unexpected,” you say, unsure of what else to say.

“I mean,” he stumbles. “Sorry. I know what it’s like to be in the spotlight all the time but, I just wanted to say it’s well deserved. It’s also why I was so... scared to talk to you. Because you’re someone I admire, but it’s different because you aren’t older.”

You inhale, faintly aware of his cinnamon-y scent, more so aware of the cool air going through your body as you watch yourself pick strawberries with bloody hands. “Thank you,” you whisper. “You’re someone to be admired, too.”

He shifts to face towards you. “Is it okay if I hug you?”

The abruptness of it makes you splutter. “I mean, sure.”

His hug is warm, and soft, and your odd focus on the calming sound of his slightly unsteady breathing drowns out the movie in front of you. You pat him on the back, but he moves your hands to rest squarely on his broad back.

It’s nice. Much like the hugs your father gave you as a child, but also much like what you’ve always imagined the perfect hug would be like. Your heart swells, and you can’t help sighing.

Unbeknownst to you, he smiles over your head.

You end up falling asleep like that. Rocked by rhythmic the rise and fall of his chest, snuggled by the warmth of his knit sweater, comforted by his mere presence. He strokes the back of your neck with his thumb, ready to fall asleep himself.

The door creaks open, letting in a storm of noisy boys, an hour after the movie ends, and you’re still face down in Xukun’s arms.

The stare he pins them with is enough to shut them up, and Zhengting sends them scurrying to their rooms with a glance at you and a nod at Xukun.

They don’t shut up quickly enough, though, and you stir, blinking heavily up at Xukun.

You’re bleary eyed, with crazy hair, and suddenly Xukun is hit by how fond he is of you. “Heya, sleepy head,” he hums, and you blink vaguely.

“Hi,” you say, tempted to snuggle your face back into his sweater. “What time is it?”

“Late?” His voice is soft, washing over you. “Probably late.” He sighs. “You should get home.”

“Mmm.” You smack your lips. “I live in this apartment building. Walk me?”

He chuckles. “Okay.”

♡

You wake up to three texts from Xukun.

[Cai Xukun → you] can we hang out again?

[Cai Xukun → you] that was fun

[Cai Xukun → you] btw, you’re cute when you sleep

You groan into your pillow.

[You → Cai Xukun] oh my god

[You → Cai Xukun] I didn’t drool, right

[You → Cai Xukun] wait there’s no way I did you would’ve teased me relentlessly for it

[You → Cai Xukun] I can’t today :/ I have to shoot some solo scenes

[Cai Xukun → you] omg I totally forgot

[Cai Xukun → you] we can hang another time?

[You → Cai Xukun] how about Saturday? I’m free all day and you don’t have any shows

[Cai Xukun → you] wow you keep really up to date

[Cai Xukun → you] Saturday’s good! Good luck! Text me when you get to set.

You smile to yourself.

♡

Xukun comes into your apartment, arms full of vegetables, fish cakes, dumplings, and everything else you told him to get for the hotpot.

“When you suggested getting dinner, this isn’t what I was expecting,” he informs you, slipping off his sneakers and slipping on the blue monkey king slippers you’ve left out for him in the foyer. “But it’ll probably be better.”

“I literally thrive off of hotpot. It’s how I survive every winter.”

He nods sympathetically, pushing up the sleeves of his jean jacket—to which you are almost tempted to ask why, before he ends up taking the thing off to reveal a white sweater. “Beijing can get really cold.”

You shiver. “Yeah.”

When the broth boils and you have both heaped in bunches vegetables and fishcakes, swirling the thin slices of meat just like how you’re supposed to.

Xukun demands that you let him take a picture of you and the food. “I have you,” he says. “Maybe make it my home screen.”

Flustered, you try to move out of frame, but he’s too quick, making sure to send the picture to his email before brandishing it at you.

You’re pink and barefaced, but cozy looking, and you have to admit that Xukun’s photography skills paired with the lighting makes the photo look amazing.

Three seconds later, you’re his home screen, and you can’t tell what that tumbling is in your gut.

“Let me see your home screen,” he says, reaching his hand out expectantly.

You scoff. “No?”

“I am older than you, little bear.”

With a heave of great suffering and mild embarrassment, you give him your phone. Locked.

“Try that....” You trail off. “How do you know my passcode?”

He’s in a stunned sort of silence, before saying, “why’s there a picture of Fan Chengcheng in a face mask and a onesie as your background?”

You blink. “That.”

“It looks like you took it, too,” he continues, baffled, and oddly hurt. “Are you guys together? Why... would you both keep this from me?”

The absurdity shocks you into laughing. “Me? Date Fan Chengcheng?”

Xukun continues to watch you with that mixed expression, much like a kicked puppy.

“No. No, wow, no. Never. I’ve known him since forever, but he’s more like a brother than a potential romantic interest.”

“Then...”

“Why haven’t I mentioned it?”

Xukun nods.

You turn down the heat of the hotpot. “I thought it was unnecessary. I didn’t want to force you into being my friend because we had a mutual friend.”

He’s silent.

“I worked with Bingbing in my first role. Granted, I was about seven, and she was a grown woman, but she was beautiful and kind and ethereal and I adored her. She invited me over to her house to have dinner, and Chengcheng attacked me because he was jealous of how much attention I was receiving.” You sit back. “Somehow, we became friends. Maybe even best friends—but certainly close. That’s why I know your schedule too,” you tack on. “Chengcheng’s almost obsessive in keeping me up to date.”

“I’ve literally never heard him mention you,” Xukun replies slowly.

You shrug. “We’re both capable of having friendships with other people without feeling the need to bring others into it. Xukun, I promise, it wasn’t like we were trying to exclude you.”

“Yeah. You wouldn’t do that to me.”

He puts on a smile. “This beef’s burnt.”

♡

“So? How’d it go? Did you confess?” Chengcheng nearly tackles Xukun as soon as he gets through the door, but composes himself.

Xukun eyes Chengcheng. “Why did you tell me you two knew each other?” he asks.

Chengcheng shrugs, but looks much more concerned than you did. “It didn’t seem—”

“Important,” Xukun finishes. He sighs. “Okay. Also, I don’t have a crush, so there’s nothing to confess.”

“What are you talking about?” Chengcheng shouts at Xukun’s receding figure. “We talked about it this morning!”

“I’m going to bed, Chengcheng. Good night.”

♡

There is no good morning text when you wake up the next day.

Or the next.

Or the next.

You try to catch Xukun after filming, but he runs off as soon as he can, before you even have so much a chance to thank him for working hard, and you’re left wounded and wondering what went wrong.

♡

“Xukun—” you start at the cast gathering that weekend, but he gets up and leaves after murmuring your name in acknowledgement.

“Don’t drink too much,” he adds quietly, clapping his hand on your shoulder.

♡

You show up at his apartment the next morning, visibly agitated.

[You → Cai Xukun] open up

No response.

You’re tempted to bang on the door, but it swings open, and you’re faced with a puffy face Chengcheng. “Come inside,” he says. “Xukun’s in our room.”

You nod at him. “Thanks, little bro.”

You shuffle to their room—you didn’t even bother putting on proper shoes when you left your apartment, just your own pink monkey king slippers.

“Cai Xukun,” you state to the mass on the bed. “Stop avoiding me. You’re acting like you’re twelve.”

The mass curls up even smaller.

“Xukun... you’re hurting me like this. Look, I know that your court case just seems to be getting longer and longer, but I don’t think I deserve to be lashed out at. I at least deserve to be told what I did wrong, if I did something wrong.”

There’s no response, but you continue.

“You are, honestly, one of my first close friends ever, and—. It hurts because I don’t know what I did wrong, and I just feel so lost?” Your voice cracks, and you fight back a tear. A real one, unlike the ones you have to shed for your roles.

“It’s like I’ve been abandoned, and it just hurts.... I can’t breathe properly because of you, because you’re suddenly so cold, and I thought better of you than this—”

There’s a warm hand on your cheek, and you look up to chocolate eyes swimming in something unreadable. “I’m sorry,” Xukun says. “And I really don’t mean to, but I don’t know if I can help it anymore, but... is that really all you think of me as? A friend?”

When you realize what he means by that, you stand, almost in scorn. “No. Fuck you. You don’t get to do that to me. You can’t just play with my emotions like that, and then drop a bomb.” You rip your hand from his, turn on your heel, and stalk out of the room, thoroughly pissed off.

Chengcheng furrows his eyebrows when he sees you even more distressed than before. “What the hell happened?”

“Your center is an immature asshole,” you spit, vindictive, and leave Chengcheng alone in the kitchen, confused.

♡

The next day, you are not happy when you find Cai Xukun sitting across the table from you.

“I thought you said hot chocolate,” you tell Chengcheng.

He lifts up the jar of mix. “And I brought.”

“Alone,” is your pointed reply.

Chengcheng nods. “You two will be.”

“With you, you conniving imp.”

“I never specified,” Chengcheng answers. “I’ll be back in an hour. Try not to bite each others’ heads off.”

You glare at the back of his head like you can shoot lasers into him if you try hard enough as he lets himself out of your apartment.

“I—” Xukun says, but you give a terse shake of your head, not even looking at him.

Instead, you stare at the ice cream, and then the calligraphy on your wall, listening to the ticking and tocking of your grandfather clock.

You are wealthy.

Years and years devoted to your craft, going to school ten five-day-straight weeks a year max, your every heart, body, and soul thrown into each role you are given. Countless romantic stars, a zombie, the mentally ill, physically handicapped, each with a backstory that, if wasn’t already provided, is made vibrant by your own mind and acting.

You have been forty kilos for a role. You have been seventy.

You have gone literal days without any sleep at all.

But none of it compares to your friends—or rather, lack thereof.

“Just meet people online,” they say. It’s not so easy when you’ve become a household celebrity before you even hit puberty.

“Date someone!” That’s risky and unwise, when you don’t even have friends to grow emotionally with, to lean on for support.

The clock chimes on the hour, and Xukun’s eyes are still boring holes into your skull.

Your turn your head to face him.

“Why did you come here?”

“To apologize,” he says, and he’s so small in that moment you’re sure he could fit in a cabinet. “The way I treated you... Well, your words were like a slap in the face, and I swear, I’m usually not like this, but I guess I’m a lot more susceptible to stress than I thought.”

You nod cautiously, making it somewhat clear that he can go on.

“And my— my changing feelings for you didn’t help. Especially seeing that picture of Chengcheng, I just. I don’t know. Something snapped, even though it was dumb and perfectly reasonable. It kind of felt like you didn’t trust me enough with knowing of your and his friendship, or as if you were both hiding something, and I know that wasn’t what you meant to do, but it still felt that way. Especially because... I like you.

“But I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have shut you out like that. That was completely my fault.”

You say nothing, simply getting up from the table to get two mugs, pour milk into your steamer, and wait for it to heat up. Once it is, you add in the hot chocolate mix and a sprinkle of

Cinnamon.

“I shouldn’t have cursed at you,” you say, and he nods, eyes lighting up because you’re talking to him at all.

You put the mug in front of him. When he takes it from your hands, his fingers touch yours.

The pain in those eyes is easily visible when you can’t help yourself from recoiling.

“Sorry,” you croak.

“It’s okay.” But it clearly isn’t.

You gaze at him, softening just a bit. “Look, Kun. You hurt me. Not only because you’re my friend. But because—” You laugh at your own foolishness. “Because I think I liked you too. Like. I don’t know. But—we need to work this out first.”

“Okay.”

♡

News breaks out a year and a half later that Cai Xukun and China’s most recognizable young celebrity are dating.

You’re caught by paparazzi strolling together on your one-year anniversary trip to Japan, where you and Xukun decided to visit the famed sakura trees and try literally every food you can.

Weibo is a mess, emails are a mess, your companies are messes, and everything is being denied, denied, denied, until a photo comes out of you two holding hands—hands with clear couple rings on them.

Things are fine now between you two, and you worked on your friendship for months, making sure to build foundations of trust and communication before even thinking about taking it further. He can rely on you, and you on him.

But your fans are divided. Most are, while quiet, supportive of your relationship. Many had already liked you two as a hypothetical couple when your movie came out, and were excited to see the real thing.

Some, while few, are loud and disapproving, or rude, or even hateful.

These your company decides to take legal action against if the harassment continues after being blocked.

But you and Xukun are still in Japan. He has no promotional duties, and you’re on a long-awaited break, so there is no reason to hurry back.

“Hey, what are you thinking about?” he asks you as you climb down the stairs from the temple.

“Nothing, just... you?” You laugh. “Everything still feels new, and I can’t believe that for a whole two weeks I have been doing, and I get to wake up to your handsome face in your warms arms every morning.”

He grins, squeezing your hand. “I think that deserves a kiss.”

“No,” you squeal, running down the stairs before he catches you.

You’re breathless as he plants a big one on your forehead, and then a gentler one on your nose, before finally reaching your lips.

“I can’t believe you’re all mine— What is that?”

“What? Oh, that’s Chengcheng’s ringtone.”

“Do not pick up, please, oh my god—”

“Hey, Chengcheng. Yeah, he’s right here.”

Xukun takes the phone, pouting. “Fan Chengcheng, if you don’t have a good reason for interrupting, I’m hanging up. Not good enough. You have three seconds to come up with something better. Three. Two. One. Bye.”

“Wow, so rude to my little bro,” you say.

“He was interrupting,” Xukun answers simply, before picking you up. “Let’s go get something to eat.”

“Okay,” you agree, hanging around his neck tightly, squeezing your knees into his elbow. “Let’s.”

♡

FIN

[survivornavarino]

Episode #4: He’s Dead To Me In This Game -Heather

I want to cry. LITERALLY ALL I WANTED TO DO WAS KNOW THE VOTE. THAT IS IT. I WOULD HAVE VOTED ANYWAY. I miss Tim. but this new tribe thing is happening so hopefully I can get with the other side. BUT IM STILL HERE SO TIME TO FIGHT.

I'm sad that there's a tribe swap I really like the favorites tribe we all worked really well together. However I'm wondering if this swap will assist in taking out big threats on our team

that went as planned im glad especially with swap going on so now let’s hope I’m on tribe that wins 

Wow I can't believe I am queen of getting exiled. Im shitting. I'm upset because I can't build any relationships, but also glad because I was a bottom voter. WELL IM IN F16 SO THATS GOOD. and I have time to recover from the flu sooo. Fun

-before tim got  voted out- Okay, I want to vote Tim out. Vi told Heather Tyler was throwing her name out there so I don't want the possibility of an idol being played. Tim made an alliance chat with Tyler/Heather, he threw Tyler under the bus to me and then switched it to Trixie. He's playing messy. Also, he's apparently friends with Rebecka and idk how she stands with me, a tribe swap is coming so I need to think about that. It should be me/Tyler/Shoib/Tee/Trixie voting out Tim. ________________________________________________________________ So we just swapped tribes and I am pretty happy with who I'm with. My Zwooper thots Tyler and Shoib were the two from my tribe to come with me and I trusted them the most. As for the fans I'm now meeting, Drew and me are friends and he told me he'd cut bitches to save me so that's good. Eddie and I started talking a few weeks ago bc we're from Boston so we have connections, and I know Autumn from Crossroads. I've never talked to Mitch or Jacob before. I hope that Autumn is okay with me and doesn't distrust me from Crossroads. If we lose again I just hope that I'm in the clear, but I really want to win a challenge for once. ________________________________________________________________ Me getting removed from the challenge:

me 10 seconds later:

AHHHHHH WHY IS THIS HAPPENING!?! I wanna cry. I’m just super busy this weekend and swap plus tim being voted out. I hope this party ends soon so I can actually help

not sure about tribe the people i know I like are all on the other tribe so im a little bummed but we’ll see how it goes Rebecka seems really nice and so is Ben but i really would like to win a challenge for once ________________________________________________________________ i envy heather right now being in exile safe for a week with no stress omg 

Hey not much has been happening and I don't even remember if I made a confessional last round, but we swapped so now stuff is actually happening. As soon as Autumn was added to Admirador, Shoib made an alliance chat with the three of us since we're all acquainted with Ashvika and Duncan and want to do them proud. I'm glad to be in it, cause I'd love to rob Drew of merge just because it would probably be the smartest move, i dunno. Eddie exists in some plane of reality and there's another favorite who I can't remember OH IT'S JACOB sldkslfjn. He also exists. According to Shoib, Tyler is the one who moved to vote out Tim, which is something I can respect. He wanted to take out a threat before he could meet up with the favs and turn on them. smart moving, tyler. I'll keep an eye on you.

I have missed way too much today. Couldn't get on at all today because of work, so I didn't find out until around 10 that we swapped. I still have Drew and Autumn, so hopefully I can work something out if we lose. Wish me luck.

I typed an entire thing in my name section instead of the "What's the haps?" Section and now I'm just sad, lazy and tired 

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=xhO1nWKSrmQ&feature=youtu.be I'll also throw in the skincare routine I made for my tribe: https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=doqWHEPSzaM ________________________________________________________________ First the egg task, then the cheese task. This is rigged against vegans and I will not stand for it! 

Tbh I hope whichever side Tyler is on win so I don't have to see him. He is dead to me in this game. 

https://youtu.be/SPKNd_nr-MA I'm sitting at my computer all day tryna win this challenge but eddies got either super speed powers or a very high speed internet connection and either one is fine do long as the FBI agent inside my computer does his job to help me win (we're gonna lose and I'm gonna be voted out for being annoying just watch) 

https://youtu.be/vhhp9PxGgVA ________________________________________________________________ https://youtu.be/BTpHrHkMY0w

*late submission*

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=QT3rFB93OnI

Rebecka https://youtu.be/rDOcb19KaHc I just want to congratulate Eddie on his wifi speed 

https://youtu.be/SmQAAQOhLB0

im legit crying right now i just don’t seem to catch a break why can’t we just win one time please idk what’s going to happen tribal time but we’ll see if we can do the smart thing and get out inactive so we don’t lose again i tried so hard to get points and managed a few but they were so fast i mean seriously what are they using some super speed internet and extra fingers 

A tribe swap? AKA WHAT RUINED ME IN ALL STARS?? HERE WE GO JUST DROP ME AN OXYGEN MASK WHEN YOU GET THE CHANCE THANKS

________________________________________________________________

The admins tried it and put me on this all-male tribe..... OF FRIENDS AND COMP BEASTS THAT KEEP WINNING SO BLOOP!! Himalayas is shaking All Stars could never

Am I gonna miss Julia, Rebecka, and my fallen son Tim? Absolutely. Will I make the most out of this situation? Oh you already know. First of all, I'm on my Parvati Shallow grind and so far so good- Shoib created an alliance w/ me and Mitch to honor Duncan and Ashvika; Eddie is completely counting on me now that Julia is gone and Preciado is split; and Jake and I kinda sorta had a pre-made Final 2 oops. Also Drew loves me SO we out here. I hope to tighten things up with Jacob and Tyler but we'll see. Second of all, the last time I was on a tribe of all men, I was the last one standing. Me doing the Lord's work and getting men sent out one by one? Yep sounds about right

https://media.giphy.com/media/ObTkhX1gpCHpC/giphy.gif

Third of all, and the most important thing is, Navarino is going great. I'm not a threat yet, I haven't had to be cracked so I'm slipping right on by, AND my social game is solid. Rebecka and Madison described me best in Himalayas when they said I stack everything like a house of cards. I'm doing a lot more socially this time around, but the fact remains: I know what I'm doing. I know when to be smart and when to play dumb, when to lead and when to sit back. We all know I can create targets and blindsides anytime any day but why rush things? It's pre-merge. Less is more so the motto is que sera sera. Jacob wants to be inactive? Cool go right ahead. Tyler wants to leave me on read? No problem. I want them to keep digging their graves so I can be the one to dump the dirt in. My allies want to prove they're comp kings? Perfect. That makes them perfect for my army. Lord knows I could use a fleet of massive targets that'll get picked off before me. Autumn and the Seven Shields is gonna be good I can feel it

I am loving this tribe swap! We have a really strong tribe and I have gotten to know a few more people quite well - namely Eddie and Drew. My only reservation is that Drew KNOWS I am from Zwooper and that I know Shoib and Jake. I have told all the others that I don't play these Survivor games online. From my conversation with him he told me he adores Jake and would prefer to align with us. We will see how that shakes out. Hopefully we can just continue winning. 

Oh man oh man. Here we go again. Tribal! Hopefully the new tribe doesn’t slowly pick us swap players off but hey at least we get heather. I believe we’re going with Matt as the vote bc he’s slightly inactive but who knows. This could turn out like last tribal and some how a completely different person gets voted out. Hopefully rebecka will save me for a bit until I establish myself again. I’m not sure how I feel about trixie being on the same tribe but I think we’re banding together. No hard feelings I hope. >.>

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=jFkq4NXbKF0

Okay so we swapped tribes and

I'M SITTING SO FUCKING PRETTY RIGHT NOW!!! I swapped with Jacob and Eddie, who were arguably the two people on the old Faves tribe who would most want to keep me, Autumn who is a good target and also is against Jacob's inactivity, Mitchy my fellow puzzle bro comp beast, and ALL FUCKING THREE ZWOOPER BOYS, THAT VIRTUALLY NO ONE KNOWS THEY KNOW EACH OTHER, AND NONE KNOW THAT I KNOW THEM!!! Like not REALLY, especially Tyler, who was so UTR zwooper that he wasn't even added to an initial Zwooper Boys alliance or whatever. This is a tribe I truly think I could ride to merge, if this tribe goes to merge. Mitchy and I are strong enough to crush almost any comp that could come our way, enough people want to work with me, I see no issues. I love that this is happening in the Admirador camp. It's so goddamn bougie hipster of us. Five elitist favorites who have never struggled a day in their lives, save three poor boys from the slums, down on their luck, and take over their neighborhood, leaving our old home to rot. The gentrification of it all is so real, the almond-milk-only coffee shop is being built on Thursday. Hopefully we can keep polishing up this turd of a campsite until it shines and all the white people wanna move here. I feel bad for Tee, Vi, and Trixie because all three tried in the challenge, but the Faves over there would be absolute idiots if they didn't send one of them home. Considering Heather is joining them tonight after tribal, I can't see how letting themselves become 4-4 is a good idea. But that's gonna be on them, I guess, there are enough people over there that I like but can't see myself working with so bye??? Imma just stay happy.

my question for tribal says it all pretty much which i can post after this but i am realizing that if you aren’t part of the in crowd then you are left out just like school and I’ve had enough of that to last a lifetime so if this is my end so be it since too many people seem to know each other if i leave i hope Tyler decimates them i hate the fake people here and want the other tribe which actually talked to me and didn’t flat lie to my face ________________________________________________________________ personally activity should be take into account since we want to ensure victory so those that help need to be around somits smart to get dead weight out but i know many of these games are about social game and keeping friends in even if they don’t help exactly known as a floater or a goat since they help with votes and i personally find that unfair but as in life those that deserve to stay end up getting screwed over and those that don’t deserve to stay get to stay but i find that karma always has a way of coming back to work it’s magic  

It's hard getting information from someone you're about to lie too but that's survivor I guess. I'm trying to make it seem like I'm just tagging along trying to survive.

I am soo happy to finally win a challenge! drew already said that he’d be fine with flipping and voting autumn out if we lose so hmmmm i’ll keep that in mind. anyways i went on call with eddie for like and hour and just talked we’ve bonded over stuff before but have never played together so i think no one would expect us to be allies. he says he was happy to swap tribes bc he didn’t know where he stood with the faves. so with eddie and drew i see cracks in the faves which is good for me :)))

Drew and I had a conversation this morning making me feel very good about him wanting to work with. So you can expect my paranoia about whether he’s just playing me or not to subside for about a day and a half but it’ll definitely be back by monday night latest. Cause we love having a character flaw of needing constant affirmation from somebody in order for my paranoia about them to subside ANYWAY, basically Drew and I were talking this morning and we began speaking about the tribe swap and he let me know that he was ecstatic with how it ended up. The key point in this conversation that made me happy was the fact that he almost instantly said he almost kinda wants to flip on the faves since they didn’t make us feel comfortable at all on the last tribe, and he also let me know that he thinks blindsiding Autumn with the fans might be a good move to make in order to split up her and Ben since he believes that her and Ben are tight.And before y’all get shook, NO I do not have any intention of blindsiding Autumn and I have every intention of making sure my queen makes merge. So that’s OFF the table, But Drew doesn’t know that. I spoke to Autumn last night and asked her about her general feelings on the people who were on our tribe prior to this game. She basically said that she really like Drew and Julia, Julia makes sense because of Crossroads and I also know she was being hella social on our pre-swap tribe and Drew also makes sense cause as soon as Drew said publicly that him mo and autumn should make a chat to talk about Drag race, I knew that would be a talking point that will bond autumn and drew together. But then again if Autumn feels like she has to say that just because she might feel like I’m close to drew then it might not be true. But idk how much people are actually worried about drew and i working together cause nobody seemed to care about the crossroads cess pool that our pre swap tribe was. I’m planning to go on a call with little miss drew and tell him that Autumn said she really likes him and that she feels that they’ve bonded over drag race in order to get drew to see autumn more as a number than as a threat. Once Drew see’s somebody as a possible number to advance him in the game, he doesn’t care who you are he doesn’t want you gone, so hopefully I can throw him off of Autumn for a bit because I’m planning on trying to lowkey get something going between Autumn, Drew, and I so that we can be the ones who dictate what goes on, on this tribe. Autumn has a connection to Jake from crossroads, and Drew has a connection to Jake from Zwooper, I have a connection with jake that unless he has mentioned to anybody they wouldnt know, but jake and i actually began talking regularly before cross roads ended because he said he was a charli xcx stan in a vl which so am i so naturally i ran to his pms REAL fast. The reason were making sure miss Autumn gets to merge is because she is going to be a key factor in me playing both sides once the merge comes!! IF she really is close with ben like drew thinks, and has connections to the cross roads people and she feels that i am somebody who 100% has her back i will be clued in on anything that they might be doing behind my back. Rebecca also messaged me when the swap was announced saying that we both need to make merge so that we can kill this game together. The problem with people is they go to merge and then they asked the question of “oh no what am I going to do.” With me, every single thing I do pre-merge is so that when I do make that merge, I am in the prime position to make a long run in this game and have connections from both sides. I would like Drew in the merge to be my meat shield. Although I don’t know if people will actually try to target him because Drew is Drew and for some reason he always does really well in games.  If Drew can shield me for the first few rounds while I do my scheming and plotting and set myself up in a good position that will be perfect. The only problem is that Drew KNOWS that’s my game and I think he won’t be blind to it. This is music to my ears!! Autumn is already perceiving Drew as a threat. I love a meat shield!!! [2/18/18, 2:14:26 PM] Eddie Bracco (Mongolia host): [2/18/18, 2:12:38 PM] Autumn Hill: Like out of all the Preciado people getting swapped onto Admirador I’m glad he’s here cause he’s both strategic and good at challenges [2/18/18, 2:13:24 PM] Autumn Hill: will probably be a problem at merge haha but for now yeah he’s a big help Literally the only reason that I could be reading this situation wrong is if Autumn and Drew are somehow actually really close and planning everything they say to me to see if they can trust me

I am happy with tribe swap I feel like I am in a good spot and I like Drew and feel like he has my back.

I've been a busy busy flop. My social game has been pretty much nonexistent, and I haven't been doing well at the challenges that require a big time commitment. I'm lucky as FUCK that the favs have numbers in the swap, I was super paranoid that Ben and Mo might flip but we gucci. I'm in a sort of three person alliance with Julia and Rebecka, but Julia is my ride or die right now. I wanna make some MOVES now that I'm not as busy!!

[jennmakesitweird]

A thank you to my Tumblr dash

Pointless ramblings about my real life...

So, my brother (who is about a decade older than me) and I have been working a business together for the last 25 years or so. He is a sales agent for a large company, an employee of theirs but independent, if that makes sense. I’m *his* employee, as his sole support staff. It’s always just been the two of us.

He has decided to take his well-earned retirement at the end of the year. The business structure is such that I can’t just take over the business (not that I would WANT to - too much stress, and I am, quite frankly, fed up with the industry after 25 years of it). So, this means that I’m soon to be jobless for the first time in a quarter century. I myself am not old enough to retire, nor do I have enough spare cash or savings to become the Woman of Leisure that I’ve always aspired to be. 

I should probably be freaking out right now. I don’t know why I’m not. I have pretty wicked anxiety, a house, an 8 year old son (who is smart and cute and awesome and easy-going, so I’m lucky there), bills to pay... y’know, things I HAVE TO worry about. I’m sure I can find something. I’ve got mad office skills and a decent brain. I don’t see how losing my shit over this will accomplish anything other than making it harder for me to focus in the long run. 

I dunno, maybe it’s because I’m too old to worry? 

Anyway, I said this was a “thank you” to my dash, so I should probably get to that...

See, we’ve already started winding down the business. We’re not taking on any new clients and are just coasting through for the last two months. So I sit here today, as I have everyday these past few weeks, my personal laptop on my work desk, scamming the free WiFi from the library next door (since all the good websites are blocked on my work computer) , bored as hell. No phone calls, no clients. Just sitting on my ass for 8 hours while my boy is at school and the final moments of this interminable job tick away. 

Tumblr has been here for me - keeping me occupied, entertained, amused, and (relatively?) sane. I don’t know what’s going to happen two months down the road - if I will be forced to work every waking moment of my day to keep a roof over our heads, or if I will take on a new challenge that will limit my free time to the minimum - but for the time being, I am savoring my boredom on this godforsaken website, and I’m not the least bit sorry about it.

So, to @corpyburd, @soot-and-snide, @scienceoftheidiot, @omg-okimhere, @gaelicfiddle, @scribbledbyhand, @moreofmatthewmacfadyen, @gsera, @avatoh and all the other Ripper Street fans on here that I’m forgetting to mention (and I apologize if I miss you) - thank you all for accepting me into this crazy fandom, and for putting up with my Matthew Macfadyen obession.

To @effycx, @prolbems, @thats--numberwang, @monmouthblue and @queenofthegeese thank you for consistently posting crazy shit that makes me laugh out loud every day.

To @fairytalesandteddybears and @c-e-r-r-i-d-w-e-n - thank you for all the gorgeous images you reblog.

And to anyone else out there who follows me, and who read this whole thing - thank you for being out there, being you! I appreciate it.

[spaceymcspaceship]

twenty eight

the lodger

circa 2010

apparently this is the only episode in season 5 that is actually set in the year it came out??? like the other present day eps r slightly in the past or in the future

weird i love this show

in watching some of these eps for the first time i really enjoy seeing the doc do shit that i’ve had them do in fanfic and then clearly it was done on the show but i didn’t know that bc i haven’t actaully seen all of it? idk it makes me feel very much on the right wavelength even though making the doc build a sciency contraption out of household objects in their bedroom is not that hard of thing to guess the doc would do

the doc trying to be human is always a+ content

can we please use that telepathic trick again where he just knocks his head into craig’s bc that is top tier and i like to think that whenever the doc gets impatient they could just have that in their back pocket

i’m sorry the doc doesn’t have another name for the football team but introduces himself as captain troy handsome to the ship without hesitation 

night terrors

circa 2011

doctor who making ordinary shit creepy since 5ever

the episode was Good like i feel like there are a lot of takes on Nightmares and fear in this show but this actually felt really refreshing and interesting and not all rehashed

closing time

circa 2011

i completely forgot about this episode and how much of a delight it is

leave it to doctor who to do an episode that’s basically two men and a baby and a cyberman

there are too many good moments craig and 11 r underrated and i probably ignored them in high school bc i was too distracted by when we were going to see river next

speaking of which

river in academic robes is uhhh doing things to me

the wedding of river song

circa 2011

‘what happened to time’ ‘a woman’ HOW DID THEY GET AWAY WITH THIS STUFF

a wibbly wobbly timey wimey stuff episode

river’s you are loved and by none more than me speech :’)

L E T  R I V E R  M E E T  H E R  W I F E

i genuinely can’t remember what happened to the silence arc...is this the last of it?

dalek

circa 2012

excited to go back to 2005′s version of 2012

why r we in utah again

the scene with 9 and the dalek is SO good like the reveal in the dark immediately into 9′s absolute viciousness and hatred and taunting and the no holds barred violence just holy shit eccleston 

god ROSE just ROSE

they did such a great job making the dalek truly terrifying

no offensive to classic who but daleks and cybermen r just not actually that scary by themselves they absolutely have to connect them to what they stand for

you would make a good dalek oof

i forgot how unbelievable this ep is def one of my favorite season 1 stories 

fear her

circa 2012

time to go back to 2007′s version of 2012

creepy kids has been a theme today

actually this plot is very similar to night terrors like a stray child of the universe who doesn’t want to be alone 

so many little rose/doc moments? her telling him to not eat the olives or whatever in the kitchen?? she points and he holds her hand in the tardis???

any actually canon relationship with the doc is an entire hour long sub-section in my Let 13 Kiss a Girl powerpoint

that ending is such cheese with the doc lighting the olympic flame and only this stupid show could make me still feel something with that because it’s so brazen and so doctor who

‘they won’t ever split us up’ my GOD rose u can’t just say that

the bells of st john

circa 2013

damn time is flying it seems i was just finishing up with 10′s present day which is Old nuwho to me and now i’m already onto clara’s present day which is Recent nuwho to me

i dunno why but clara genuinely not knowing about wifi is hilarious to me

okay when did clara’s theme start making me emotional?? 

‘you can always skip ahead to breakfast’ may officially be one of my fav 11 lines for personal reasons

so i totally see why clara immediately had a crush 

other than her first almost dying 90% of what they’re doing is like first date shit like drinking tea and talking to each other under the stars and zooming around london on a motorbike and getting breakfast together

wait when did the tardis interior change??? wut??? did i completely miss that???

rings of akhaten

circa 2013 (maybe???)

i love clara

i love everyone in this bar but i’m about to be on the clara train

WOW another line that i basically wrote in a fanfic not knowing it’d been on the show when the doctor is talking about how the elements were built in stars and then flung out across the universe i mean again not a stretch for the doc to say that but still

storiessss again i love one (1) thematically consistent show

just goddammit smith another killer speech and this time he’s just so tired

it does kinda bother me that if the god was the planet and they extinguished the planet then they just kinda gravitationally fucked up the entire system GUESS WHAT GRAVITATIONAL MASS WERE THOSE RINGS ORBITING U FOOL

whatever this is doctor the moon is an egg who

so much progress, and tomorrow i’ll have day of the doctor coming up!!

[ag-da-trash]

((I dunno what happened but my wifi acted up as I sent that question to you so I only sent it once XD))

-w- Don't worry I got ya

[adeslowmoqueen]

~°oO ( TAGGED ) Oo°~

by @faecakes, @quiethist and @catslab ( or did I miss someone >.> ? ) RULES : you must answer These 85 statements and tag 20 people

alriiiight, have some random 85 statements ( ᐛ )ᕗ!

The Last

1. drink: water  2. phone call: mom  3. text message: Kira  4. song you listened to: Romeo and Cinderella - Miku Hatsune   5. time you cried: last thursday, I laughed so hard about a stupid joke that I started crying too  6. dated someone twice: nu :M  7. kissed someone and regretted it: no  8. been cheated on: no ~ I hope that never happens in future  >.>  9. lost someone special: not yet  10. been depressed: been terribly depressed a few years ago - luckily I feel better now >w>)b  11. gotten drunk and thrown up: nope

3 Favourite Colours

12. crimson red  13. purple  14. green

In the Last year have you

15. made new friends: YES (9 >w>)9 !!  16. fallen out of love: no ~  17. laughed until you cried: I do that a lot :'D  18. found out someone was talking about you: yes  19. met someone who changed you: somebody has awaken my sin-side ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)  20. found out who your friends are: yes  21. kissed someone on your Facebook list: no

General

22. how many of your Facebook friends do you know in real life: uff.. my friends 'n classmates, don't know the exact number  23. do you have any pets: I had fish when I was younger ;3; 24. do you want to change your name: no, I like my Name ~ 25. what did you do for your last birthday: yesterday ! eating in McDonalds with friends, eating cake with family, been answering a bunch of 'happy birthday'-s, made a livestream on Instagram, lurkin on tumblr as always =w=)b  26. what time did you wake up: today - 12 AM  27. what were you doing at midnight last night: been on tumblr, chatting with friends, listening to music  28. name something you can’t wait for: new Servamp Chapter, new official art, MY PACKAGE ;;;w;;  29. when was the last time you saw your mom: 1h ago

31. what are you listening to right now: still listening to Romeo and Cinderella  32. have you ever talked to a person named tom: yep, one of my sister's former classmates + someone of my friends childhoodfriend  33. something that is getting on your nerves: no wifi, rude people  34. most visited website: Tumblr, Twitter, Youtube, Instagram,... 35. hair colour: dark brown  36. long or short hair: looong  37. do you have a crush on someone: S A K U Y A   W A T A N U K I  38. what do you like about yourself: my art :>  39. piercings: nu  40. blood type: A  41. nickname: Ade, Adi, salt-angel ( my younger sis calls me like that >w>)'' )  42. relationship status: single *COUGH* mentallydatingSakuya  43. zodiac: leo  44. pronouns: She/her  45. favourite tv show: Servamp ( ᐛ )ᕗ otherwise I sometimes watch modern family with my parents  46. tattoos: none  47. right or left handed: right  48. surgery: never had one yet, luckily ;w;  50. sport: although I avoid sports I sometimes go jogging in summer, and I used to swim and dance a lot  ( unathletic af tho )  51. vacation: 2015 in Dresden  52. pair of trainers: Adidas

MORE GENERAL

53. eating: CHOCOLATE  54. drinking: WATAHHH  55. I’m about to: draw  56. waiting for: the day I will meet StrikeTanaka again ;w;)9  57. want: to go to Japan one day  58. get married: yesss ~ rl-Sakuya where are youuu....!  59. career: being a Mangaka would be nice *^*

WHICH IS BETTER

60. hugs or kisses: huuuugs ( >*3*)><(*o*<) !  61. lips or eyes: E Y E S  62. shorter or taller: taller  63. older or younger: a biiit older  64. nice arms or nice stomach: never thought about it, I guess stomach ?  65. hook up or relationship: relationship  66. troublemaker or hesitant: a mix of both

HAVE YOU EVER:

67. kissed a stranger: nooo  68. drank hard liquor: no, don't wanna try ;w; 69. lost glasses/contact lenses: I don't have those, so I never lost 'em 8D  70. turned someone down: yes  71. sex on the first date: N O   W A Y  72. broken someone’s heart: I don't think I've hurt someone THAT hard(?), more like being dissapointed of me and such  73. had your heart broken: yeeeeees  74. been arrested: no  75. cried when someone died: yes 76. fallen for a friend: nope

DO YOU BELIEVE IN:

77. yourself: mostly, yes >w>)9  78. miracles: kinda  79. love at first sight: mmmhhhh..rare af  80. santa claus: no  81. kiss on the first date: neeeh, rather not  82. angels: of course I believe in all my beloved friends ~~~ höhö <3 and Lichtan

OTHER:

84. eye colour: green-brown but it just looks like brown for others 85. favourite movies: your name and maaaany disney movies - aahhhh I dunno who to tag, who hasn't done it yet ? @servampfanarts/ @rhomilch, @lia-snow, @rubyleaf, @acario-struggles-with-art, @poppedcorndoge, @danozi1, @acryx0l, @mermaibee, @kuma-chan, @ino-fujiwara, @chubbychicken1412 ​ IDK you don't even have to do it >3>)~