#dunno how that matters
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Going to have to trust myself to be able to handle a little change
#this is about the haircut again#well don't think I've actually posted much about it but in my mind oh boy#need it to be clear that I mean that I was making tumblr posts in my mind about this. not just thinking and stuff#dunno how that matters#basically I think just. girl please why#Like i don't know how else to phrase that#Ok bye going to chill tf out now#sayingthing#Unnecessarily intense but that's ok
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souyo shenanigans. how are akty gonna surpass rad weekend now
#souyo#yu narukami#yosuke hanamura#persona#persona 4#p4#akty#akitoya#cat’s art#project sekai#prsk#vivid bad squad#vbs#aoyagi touya#shinonome akito#i know nothing about p4 i just thought they were funny.#i’m actually a bigger fan of shuake i just dunno how i want to draw them yet#i need to capture akira in all his beauty. and akechi for that matter#finishing p5r dethroned sekai as my main interest. dude it’s been so long since i’ve really gotten into something#like HMMHNGHGHGHGN P5!!!!!! LOVE IT#but now its like. i guess half my followers on twt are stuck with me dabbling in persona for a bit#if i even continue to share it there? idk man i’ve been thinking about it for a while#anyways sorry to ramble in the tags. i’ll fix them later i just needed a place to dump thoughts out
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Harry's world/Bad end
Inspired by Christina's world by Andrew Wyeth
#I dont think people talk about the bad end enough#this is the social murder game you guys#i dunno#my health took a bit of a decline recently and my doctor forgot to get me a refill on my meds in time and it got me thinking#disability puts a person in such a vulnerable position#it doesnt matter how well Harry solves the case or how upstanding of an officer he tries to be#one drink is all it takes and he is left to die#he cant even run after them anymore... he doesnt even know where he lives#he's nothing but an addict to them#reduced to an animal... grovelling in the dirt#used for all hes worth and then thrown away once he cant work anymore#ive written about the bad end before and ill get back to it(after my fic about his mom is done) when i get the energy for it#its just so compelling!!#does anybody hear me???#disco elysium#harry du bois#disco elyisum fanart#my art#illustration#also some people in the fandom do NOT see disabled ppl and addicts as people and it shows#ITS THE SOCIAL MURDER GAME
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an afternoon of rest
Art inspired and pose taken from the oil painting "An afternoon of rest" by Guillaume Seignac (1870-1924).
#one piece#one piece fanart#one piece nami#cat burglar nami#op nami#nami#op fanart#fanart#not me using tones like it's going out of style lmao#love me some textures#digital art#lake's art#i dunno how to draw tangerine trees (or any tree for that matter) and i don't care to learn for this so excuse the inaccuracy#good lord i love nami so much#she's so awesome and pretty#taking artistic liberties with her outfit because why not lol#do not repost#i spent way too long on that stupid wall but damn does it look good
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I frequently think about the times Centross stayed in bed with Icarus until they fell asleep. Keeping them there, calming them down, comforting them and making sure they know they're *loved.*
you're Icarus, you've just had a very long conversation about *so much* with the person you're slowly growing to call your best friend (maybe more than that; maybe you're more than just best friends at the end of this all) and you're tired. these conversations are so draining, and you're tired, so as the conversation comes to a close, he drags you home. he drags you to your bedroom, watching with a laugh as you crawl into your nest and just flop - so very done with the world. and with permission, he crawls in beside you, sitting back against the bedpost. he runs his hands through your hair, and tells you how he's going to stay at the least until you fall asleep, and you *believe him.* you feel comfortable enough around him to fall asleep, and fall asleep without your coat on, and *take your coat off* around him. you feel safe. *hes* safe, to you. comforting arms that hold and protect when they need to, and words that seep with the deepest admiration as he watches you do the things you feel most passionate about. words that coat with anger for your father you won't understand for months, but when you do, gods you're *glad* he hated him. (even if you wish it was you instead of him for a long long while.)
you're icarus, you're drunk out of your mind and you've been dragged back home. your best friend - a title you've given him with a smile less reserved than most you give, and a title he's accepted with hesitancy - just told you he was going to die; *where* he was going to die. you won't remember this. you won't remember much of this. despite that, it mirrors the last time. he drags you home, laughing at your antics. this time, however, he crawls into your nest first. he smiles at you as you ask him the question on your mind - if he was really staying, *again?* if he was really going to put up with you? (because you don't think you're worth being put up with) and when he says yes - because of course he will - you simply melt. you're vulnerable and uncoordinated but that *doesn't matter* because you trust the man in front of you enough. he does what he did last time, running his hands through your hair as you curl up against him - your wings are a *mess* around you, but that doesn't matter curled up and comforted like this. you're comfortable and *okay* for just a little bit, like this.
you trust him. time and time again. and he trusts you in return. *time and time again.* (and you love him, in whatever way that means to you - you *do.* and maybe he loves you back, with all his might, because no one else seems to get you to *believe it.*)
#i just#yeah this post specifically is sherberts falut because they mentioned soft prison duo and i said#yeah fuckin bet#and. yeah#i dunno something about trusting someone so much you fall asleep around them without question#you trust and care so much about him that no matter how vulnerable you let yourself do it#you fall apart around him and that doesnt matter#because you *trust him*#sherbertquake56#icarus morningstar#david centross mistvale#prison duo#fable smp#fsmp#a tag to help find my own posts
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“If Bakugo and Midoriya don’t end up together by the end I’m gonna be disappointed not because I want it but since the fanbase and show hyped them up so much,” says my husband, who only watches the anime
#I love him but my god. sometimes.#I don’t tell him in detail what I do in this fandom#I had to explain the Kudo and Yoichi backstory to him after this conversation#I had to tell him about the togachako stuff after this#bakudeku#my hero academia#mha#BNHA#I didn’t even do a good or in depth job#I just gave the bare minimum and shared the parts I thought were funny#my favorite character is Katsuki Bakugo in part because no matter how sloppily or weirdly he expresses it#I know his love is true#he is devoted#and he is doing the breakdown of the self and the heart just in the confines of a shonen#and this includes whatever is happening with Izuku#I dunno how to tell my husband Katsuki is my favorite because his entire story is coming to understand what love is and how to#and how to give and receive it
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Girl Boy Thing
#I dunno if im androgynous but i am to me and thats all that matters#my face#i am very very genderqueer and i love how i look now
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I just got fucking CALLED OUT by my 15 year old daughter. I was showing her some new charms I got for my charm bracelet and she said, “I’ve noticed you do this thing a lot, mom, when you’re talking about stuff you love that makes you happy. You always say, ‘I know it’s silly,’ but if you love it and it makes you happy, it’s not silly. If it brings you joy, it’s important. It matters.”
#if it brings you joy#it's important#it matters#where did she even come from??#how did she learn this??#she's so fucking wise#dunno what I did to get so lucky#but damn#wandering pain
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welcome back to my headcanon corner today i bring you:
Rin okumura has a criminal record for accidently assaulting a police officer because he saw a man harrasing a girl and and knocked him out cold not realizing he was law enforcement. Thankful shiro showed up and talked it over and he just had to do community service....at the church....where he lives....
#The worsr thing rin had to endure was his family laughing at him for a week straight#Shiros general sentiment was 'thats really fucking funny but dont do it again'#Yukio is like 'how do you accidently punch a police officer??' And rin is like 'i dunno i panicked!'#Despite his incredulity yukio also secretly thinks its hilarious because of course his brother would end up hitting a police officer#It was only a matter of time#Oh rin didnt get caught they charged him after he dragged the guys body to the police station to apologize#Rin okumura cop destroyer its only the punk way#Rin okumura#blue exorcist#shiro fujimoto#I would place this event at prolly 13-14#If anyone cares
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it's looking like a restless night for me once again and i can't lie at least half of that is the fault of me thinking too hard about how memory worlds work
#larry time#since starting to write FTBC ive been GRIPPED by the idea of like#an au where yana goes into a memory world to try and resolve his regrets wrt how kiru was treated when they were younger#but in the end he realizes that like. its just a memory he can't Fix it so all he can do is come to terms with what happened#because for how much i like to write them as being at each other's throats they do love each other very much. there's a lot that only they >#know and understand about each other.#and yana i think retroactively has a lot of regrets about like 'i would've helped her then' but he was a kid himself! and he didn't know!!!#and he doesn't quite understand that kiru doesn't blame him for that or for anything#shes just happy that he doesn't turn his nose up at her like the others on that side of the family#sorry guys they make me wanna chew batteries. maybe I'll draw some stuff for this au i dunno#BUT PAST THAT i wonder how different memory worlds Look for each person#like do they all glitch like karamatsus? or do they have different looks based on each persons sensibilities#so much to wonder about and it literally doesn't matter at all my god. im in too deep
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I actually wish we were more comfortable putting criticism in the main tags. I know that Tumblr's tagging system is kind of annoying, so filtering out critical tags when people are probably using like 50 different versions would be difficult. But sometimes tbh, I did not enjoy a piece of media I consumed. Sometimes, I didn't like a BL, and I don't like having to hunt through blogs like a crazy person to find someone who agrees with me.
I used to do that, anon.
And then I didn't like a popular show.
And got attacked. By anons and comments.
So now I don't put it in the main tag unless it is very specifically about a show I love that I need to criticize as well.
Alas, anon, the search continues.
And it happens! People dislike shows and watch them and critique them and sometimes you can enjoy a show and see the critique and sometimes it feels like they're watching a totally different show then you and that has to be okay.
But, sadly, many fandoms are not ready for that dichotomy and that's okay, it has to be okay, it's never going to change.
But also honestly my MAME and Jittirain criticism really doesn't belong in the show's tags because no one enjoying the show would agree with me. And they don't want to hear it and that's okay.
I don't understand why it's so different for We Are or for other goofy shows but that's also okay. Some people are more comfortable with critiquing openly or tagged and some people aren't. I am not. I had a very bad experience in that popular fandom and never again.
I know that I watch MAME shows and groan about consent and other issues where so many people just see romance. I know that Jittirain stories about lying semes and the ukes they manipulate always make my eye twitch. I don't need to subject their fans to that. They know.. Or at least I think they know? I don't know anymore, people were putting MAME characters into green flag contests and I've got nothing.
I do understand how frustrating it has to be to try to find criticism only to realize that it's all hidden. But sometimes that just how humans work. In order to share an experience we have to set aside space for criticism that isn't in the same place as the love and praise. Not always... but sometimes.
And that's why I watch all the shows I watch and I make sure to talk about them, tagged or not, if I have anything to say.
(I mean, y'all, I got multiple annoyed anons for how I talk about Joke and Jack and I like them both.)
#asked and answered#criticism#sometimes you just gotta keep it in the corner#and invite people to join you instead of joining them#no matter how much their stance baffles you#because it is not your place to correct their enjoyment#it never is#anyway i dunno#i criticize openly in my little corner but I do not tag#and now I got this compared to the hater anon#love y'all and the dichotomy of the internet
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Year five and a half of never forgiving what the Homestuck epilogues did to Dirk Strider.
#fellas you ever get your character arc changed from#'you are not doomed to become a monster who destroys everything you love even if you cannot envision another fate for yourself'#to 'actually you are doomed to become a monster who hurts and destroys everything you love no matter how much you don't want to :)'#because i dunno. shock value or meta or something
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...
#i never really thought about a person being a finite thing. you can see the effects of a person after they die. in the unfinished projects.#in the rooms of clutter. in abandoned closets. in pictures and in mermered phrases. and you can see time#chipping away at those things. eroding away the evidance that a person existed. clothes move into other people's closets. projects are boxed#away. and a person becomes confined to photos and memories. and thats existentially terrifying but its not a bad thing. time erodes away all#things. that's how life works. matter and energy transforms.#we arent made to last forever. i dunno. i guess im still just rattled from being home even tho ive been back a week and a half.#and my brain tends to fixate on the wrong things. nearly 27 years of knowing someone eclipsed by a visual sequence lasting less than a day.#bc i just cant get over how scary it would be to die like that. to start losing control of your body. to not be able to feed yourself or get#to the bathroom. to have your mind be overcome by the toxins building up in your mangled and broken body.#and it could have been worse. it could have been a lot worse. but its still not fair. theres no good way to die. i dunno. i guess i just#miss my mom in some abstract way but i find it more viscerally upsetting to think about the people that have to deal with her absence.#it makes me sad that my dad is alone now. i dunno. grief doesnt feel like i thought it would. most of the time i dont even know what im#crying about. its undirected. it doesnt feel like: i miss you. it feels like: youre gone. how can you be gone? why does everything feel the#same? and its not that it doesnt make sense. its that nothings changed. the terror of that.#and im walking around in an acumulation of my dead mother's clothes. and no one knows. theyll never know.#and there's nothing to be done about it. so it goes.#i guess im just sad. and its hard to breathe at the thought of returning to school at the end of August.#unrelated
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Blehh more oc stuff
I gave Jury-7 some friends and I'm starting to nail down what exactly their deal is 👍
#no reposting#half life 2#half life fanart#half life oc#metrocop oc#jury-7#defender-9#union-5#king-1#unit 2220#dunno how often ill be using my oc tags but I may as well have em to hopefully make searching easier later#vaguely tied to ezu but not in any way that matters it just feels worth noting
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i wish it wasn't so normal for people to complain about unfinished wips or fics that take a long time to update. because sometimes i think i have a really fun idea for a fic but it'd take a while for me to write, and i like talking about my work as i do it and i don't like writing entire fics over like 20k without sharing, because i lose steam. so if i were to write and post that cool fic idea, it'd be as a wip. and then i think about all the people who just refuse to engage with wips, or all the other people who would just go "update pls" all the time, and of how people only really comment in the first 24 hours something is posted and then it's lost to obscurity, and then i just go "actually whats the point in going through the effort writing this out? i'll just daydream about it now and then and be done with it." and then i don't write it. alas!
#rimi talks#shoutout to that one person who followed me from resi fandom and commented on one of my dc fics like ''pls update that resi fic''#also shoutout to all those tumblr posts about how theres nOthInG wOrSe than finding a GoOd FiC but its uNFiNIsHeD#i used to really like writing longfic but these days i kind of shy away from it bc it rly does get discouraging#like they say ''write for yourself'' and i do but i certainly dont share just for my own satisfaction yk???#anyways. i already have space fic and theres no need for me to start another fic. even if it would be fun.#ive also just been in a Mood about writing since yesterday and thats not helping matters 😔#but it feels like a stupid thing to be in A Mood about. idk. whatever jdlksk hopefully itll pass and ill be normal tomorrow :/#bc talking to duck earlier today we came up with a really fun mermay fic premise. but. writing? me? multichap again? lol. lmao even#like i would love to!!!!!! having two ongoing multichaps wouldnt kill me i like to pingpong between wips#but dealing with people whining about update times or telling me they refuse to read bc its a wip...... dunno if i can do that again fellas#okay. enough woes and whining. i guess i will go play a video game
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Abby sketches
(again)
#abby anderson#the last of us#abby tlou#abby the last of us#the last of us part 2#tlou fanart#fanart#coloured pencils#markers#myrkkymato art#I did some sketches to relax but instead remembered how I've been stressed about my own art and the lack of any cool art style#Comparing my works to others' is the worst I can do and I try not to but it still messes with my head#Dunno why I felt the need to make that confession but yeah I still love looking at any and all the art I can find no matter what
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