#dumbass fucken post just for me

[bonelady]

how on earth are you walking around calling yourself 'goo goo dolls'. don't even have the decency to put a 'the' in front. i saw that one post going around and went 'haha funny joke name' but then i realized it sounded familiar. this is some 'wet leg' bullshit. i would name my band something badass like 'patina my altoid tins' or 'twelve gay frenchmen'. something with guts, y'know?

[leadendeath]

random secret-share time.

i used to have tf/2/ blocked in my tumblr savior (remember those days before the built-in blacklist, and it was only available on desktop? tumblr olds like me remember) because, like with many medias, seeing it everywhere pissed me off.

i am brutally killing past me from around 10 years ago with my bare hands and also rocks

imagine two pictures of me. one picture is labelled “past synth (t/f//2/ disliker)”. one picture is labelled “the COOLER current year synth (loves t/f/2)”.

[roley-poley-foley]

just gonna say something some people aren't ready to hear: I'm not some fucking professional artist, I do that shit to have fun and unwind. I've got a lot to learn and I KNOW that, that's why sometimes I'll try new things and they won't work and I'll have the AUDACITY to think it's worth posting anyway. I WILL wake up the morning after, look at it with fresh eyes and see that it doesn't look as good as it did when I was drawing it and I'll LEARN and hopefully do it better next time. I actually don't need anyone to helpfully let me know that my art that I didn't work hard enough on because I was exhausted after a shitty day at work looks cursed, okay?

I'm not gonna pretend it's some kind of like. privilege to be allowed to see my art, like the fan community here would be worse off if I kept my sketches to myself. but I certainly don't owe anyone good art. block me if it's so hideous that you feel overwhelmed with the need to tell everyone.

[tavi-calypso]

Long ass rant about a fictional Rat Boy below

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- some of this’ll be familiar to @moth-in-a-skirt since I ranted to them slightly abt this.

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Okay so this is random as fuck but I need to put it somewhere other than notes so.

Okay so assuming you’ve taken a look at my blog for at least 2 seconds you should get the hint that I fucking love Troy right, (hopefully lmfao). Well-it’s gotten to the point where I genuinely cannot get myself to kill him again in game. nor can I vibe to his killer boss track, because my dumbass brain signals the like-

Feeling of loss?

Receptors in my brain when I do either of those . It’s actually fucking wild. Like- the MOMENT I go to the great vault it’s like I’m instantly going “fuck why am I doing this” “I DONT want to do this” he’s fucking fictional Tavi. I actually forced myself to fight him (about two days ago) and I recorded it, (about a 10 minute recording) i may have like- overdid it in recording but a good fucking chunk of me going “I don’t want to do this” it genuine. Not to mention I was VERY VERY slightly shaking? It was fucken insane.

-

It’s wild, I can kill Tyreen 1000 times and be fine. (hell. I’ve killed her enough I dont even have to climb onto her to hit the eye, I can just snipe it from varying angles.)

-

This is literally stopping me from doing a TVHM play through, killing him post campaign is one thing, but adding fucking cutscenes into the mix would most definitely be fucking awful.

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This. The name of his boss theme fucken fucks with me, which sucks because i absolutely love his theme, hell. It’s my damned ringtone! Not to mention the fact that his FUCKING BODY stays there for about 20 seconds before finally disappearing!

-

Is this something I should bring up to my therapist next time I see her?

Probably

Will I?

Doubt it.

Is this- like- normal?

(Also Troy is such an annoying boss fight holy fuck even if this wasn’t happening Id still hate fighting him hhhhhh)

[endlessraine]

INTRO POST

IM RAINE

I’m a dumbass and fucken deleted my old tumbler, I don’t wanna explain how that happened

ANYWHO

I go by he/they/it

This is a 15+ account, nothing completly nsfw, but sometimes some implied stuff:]

On the topic however, IM A MINOR!! If you don't like that or it makes you uncomfortable TELL ME!! I’ll unfollow, espessial if theres not a clear age limit on your account.

I write on Ao3 you should check my writing out, and I do take requests!!

Most of my account about ghost as I have a MASSIVE hyperfixation

I'll most likely probably just rb stuff, post my thoughts, and occasionally post fanfic updates:D

Boundariessss

Fake/ /p flirting if your a mutual! I will not say anything if it’s in a platonic way because I flirt with all my friends so do with that as you will

Re blogs are swag please do

Don’t steal my art/Fics pretty please

THATS ITS LOL

With that I hope you all enjoy my account!!

[allpromarlo]

since the important part of you (my mutuals) asked, here's rose oc wank: nfl edition

this is gonna get a lil unrealistic and of course if you (for some fuckn reason) have a problem with ocs for a real life sports league then GET OUUUTTTTT

n e ways

so i already spoilered some of the things this peculiar group of Sad Wet Men have to offer but i wanna start with the running back or as i (the name generator i ran through 437 times.) called him, duane cameron. he's a rb who got drafted in 2011 in the 2nd round bc i just can't let go of my senior citizens (terms and conditions apply i KNOW 34 isn't old) to the panthers. i don't know if they were actually in need of a rb at that time but fuck it they have one now and he's gorjus.

he's known cam (1st ovr pick yannooooo) since high school (after moving away from canada...but that's a whole thing i don't even wanna get into that) and when they got drafted to the same team cam was more enthralled by it than duane but hey he'll have to live w that now. no eli manning shenanigans you are STAYING THERE

n e ways he played for the panthers for a couple seasons and he was always in the top 10 rb conversations (from 2012 onwards bc the only thing people remember him for in 2011 is getting batista bombed by jj watt). he won opoy in 2014 for the first time and repeated in 2015. yk what also happened in 2015.

bc i am chronically living in the past and i'll never stand for the injustice that was dealt on that particular day in 2016, of course my 6'7 babygirl (don't question the dimensions. just Don't.) was the missing piece to the panthers super bowl and they do win that shit fuck you and your big ass forehead peyton. duane also wins sbmvp bc of his outlandish 377 yard performance (I FUCKING WARNED YOU) but you could expect that

n e ways after an easy repeat in 2016 (julio i wanted you to have this so bad but...the Narrative) and some drama in 2017 (mainly due to cam making the bail for no fucken reason) my boy finally hung up the boots in carolina and signed with the ravens because i am a biased little fangirlie and i want my team to have everything. he won the chip in 2019 w the murder birds and maybe sorta somewhat did it again in 2022 but shhhh

n e ways this was a LOT for just one guy and trust me he's the only one with that much history. movin tf on

so in my last post i did mention a 2nd oc who's a social experiment. well his name is ansis knight (that was NOT my idea btw i asked my brother to give me a name for a cornerback and this is what he came up with) and he's a social experiment in the sense that he's literally german. like his dad is american and everything but the dude grew up in Heidelberg, schönste Stadt im Land.

as i said he's a cb & plays for the eagles as of right now and he's very. idk. he's a dumbass and he does things he shouldn't do a lot of the time but Never On The Field. on the field he's the most annoying little bastard (especially for qbs bc for SOME FUCKING REASON he's everything everywhere all at once and they can't escape him) and wrs have a burning hatred for him (so do i). but off the field he's just this very Peculiar Personality and nobody knows what his deal is except amon-ra bc out of all the wrs he bothers every week amon-ra gets the most of it. you can imagine how he reacted when he saw his week 1 matchup last season

not a lot of history on him bc he's still fairly new but i'll just say he's my weirdest saddest wettest football guy and i love him very a lot

AND NOW. FOR THAT MOTHERFUCKER THAT WAS PART OF THE FUCKING NBA OC POST (which is so outdated by now you don't even know)

cole grAnt.

i'll take away first that he's shrunk a bit (6'10 is ENOUGH, jfc) and he's an edge rusher now which means he's the biggest menace to society the world has ever seen. he was drafted by the colts in the 6th round after a solid college season (UNDERDOG STORY RAAAAHHHHH) but they traded his ass to baltimore (eheh. hey) after an...interesting 2021 season. let me explain por favor

basically, he was tackled pretty fucking hard at one point (however hard you can hit a 6'10 dude who's built like a fucking wardrobe) and hit the ground awkwardly. @ the beginning he thought it was just a concussion and bc it was right ahead of bye week, he came back the next game. in THAT game tho he collapsed on the field and when they did a scan on his ass they found that a blood vessel exploded in his brain which caused intracranial hematoma (inner bleeding in the brain for all you non googlers). my man basically died for a second and he didn't play another game afterwards, but in 2022 he came back w a vengeance and he made joe burrow's life HELL in week 5 (and the wildcard game)

i don't know why i went THAT hard on cole's injury i just thought that i was coddling these men too hard and needed one of them to SUFFER. i mean duane already did for the duration of the 2018 season but i needed PHYSICAL SUFFERING i needed there to be BLOOD.

anyways that would be all i hope you understand at least some of it goodnight goodbye

@heyitswolfman pls accept my humble offering + apology i had some bs to deal w today so this comes late <3<3 sawry

[axemetaphor]

my dad got his hands on a copy of Sonic 06 for the xbox and asked me to be his play-tester after having a lot of trouble with that speed level right at the beginning (catching up to Eggman's ship on the beach) and i got as far as the Silver battle before giving up, so here's my notes

DISCLAIMER this isnt an invitation to dunk on the game in the notes of this post alright we've seen enough of that. i dont hate the game. no, really, i dont. i respect everything it tried to be and feel bad for literally everyone working on it because, from what i gather, they were green and facing extreme crunch time. sucks for everyone involved. anyway:

the load times on xbox were VASTLY better, which makes a lot of sense, given from what i know the ps3 has a ... strange way of storing/retrieving/loading data, but they were still pretty long and a little too frequent for my liking. still, probably not anyone's fault, tbqh. i'll have to see if the emulator my dad's working on getting on his PC (finally, he's been trying to do that for years now lmao,) has the same issue to figure out if it's a programming problem or hardware. personally im pretty sure it's just hardware.

it's much easier to steer sonic if you use the camera and his movement, but the camera will still fuck you over. this isnt 06 specific though game cameras are Always hard to wrangle lmao

the animations for this game are so strange... i dont say this as a negative whatsoever. it looks like they were mocapped, which is fascinating to me, translating human proportions onto sonic--it doesnt always work, and i personally wouldn't've made the choice to do that, but it makes me want to study it lmao

the voice acting as well is strange, at least in english; im not knocking anyone's work, whatsoever. i still really love the performances. but i think back to this one tweet i made about silver's intro dialogue where i mentioned that i loved the performance, but the poor guy sounded like he'd done a hundred takes of the audio and was losing grasp of Words themselves (As happens to everybody) and Silver's english VA not only liked the tweet but started following me because of it. this was during the trend of not actually giving VAs context for their dialogue, and not really.. respecting them at all, and it makes me sad to think that maybe they did stick everyone in a box, hand them lists of lines, and make them say them over and over until the director got whatever they wanted--or, on the opposite end, were only given enough time for a single take out of the inherent disrespect for VAs that's present in Many fields

the environments are fucking gorgeous and i was genuinely surprised by how many things i could interact with in the levels. granted, i did get stuck on them sometimes, but i doubt the poor devs got any chance to fix that shit. i liked especially ramming Eggman's Cerberus into a statue instead of the wall and watching the statue completely shatter, that's genuinely pretty cool, they couldve just had it be like the walls, static and unreacting. i also liked how the Cerberus decimated those pillars, but thats mostly because the camera kept getting stuck on them

there's very little active direction in the game, save for the floating (?)s, which can sometimes be wordy enough that ive already fucked up and died before theyre done talking. that's probably on my dumbass though.

collision physics in this game ... sure is. i cant remember if all games from the 2000s were like this given i have more experience with older games (pre-00's) + brand fucken new ones so someone else weigh in on this s'il vous plait.

the pre-rendered cutscenes are still fucking gorgeous. delightful.

so much of this game is such a lovely awkward development-stage kind of thing, like awkward teen years. the homing-attack mechanics make me grateful for the auto-targeting of later games. the way he goes from 0 to 100 is in character but hard to play (unwieldy) and makes me glad for the more measured sliding scale of other games. the sprint parts of the game, where youre just steering him, are so fucking cool but i am so fucking bad at them and im glad that in future games the sensitivity of the controls was turned down. it took me some lives to get into a proper rhythm with it, get a sense of just how much of a hair trigger the directional changes were. tails' attacks in this game definitely felt like they could've been much better (throwing the bombs is So difficult to aim, thanks to the camera and how long the animation for it is) and i'm glad they're different in other games--the bombs is a cool idea, just needed to be implemented differently imo

if you knwo more about the development n shit of this game id love to hear it, all i know is they had serious crunch time to release the game alongside the ps3 as its flagship game and had to cut a lot of steps from the process/cut a lot of corners. i attribute a lot of its flaws (and "flaws") to that tbqh. sonic 06 is not a bad game, it's a game that was failed by its circumstances. i dont know fully, im just an animator, i have never in my life made a proper video game.

also this may just be me but i have a theory that this game was meant to be like the Shadow the Hedgehog game, and not rated E for Everyone after all. the darker storybeats (sonic's murder, elise's death, silver's future etc) all feel like they'd have been better-executed at a level closer to that. it feels To Me like they were developing the beginnings of this game (script, designs) in tandem with the endtail development of ShTH, and when it received pushback for the guns, swearing, and violence, they panicked and had to neuter the story. i have a lot of respect for what the game COULD have been.

[abstractdiagram]

Hellooooo down there! Ye be warned TMI and bizzarity (is that a word?) is ahead.

I have been stuck in a loop of WHERE THE FUCK ARE MY DRAFTS

FOR THIRTY MINUTES!

Finally found them by signing in on not-mobile and dicking about there for far too long. Guess what. No fuckin drafts. So I had a lovely preface basically for this same post but now I’ve lost two trains of thought and I can vaguely remember… uh. Yeah I remember. How the new game I had been playing for an hour before starting that post was making me think I was running out of holes for the letters so the letters could fall down. And how I fucken went to the Transformers One movie even though I had zero interest and he won’t do fuck all anything for me. I told him he had a month to stop ignoring me except when he needs emotional/moral support and make an effort because if I wanted to be ignored I’d have … well. I’ve never stayed with someone who ignored me so I have no examples to give. An ouroboros of … shit. I took too long trying to spell that word.

I don’t know what I hate more. The fact that we can’t get his depression under control even with actually qualified professionals’ help or that now he has no libido and no fucks to give AND depression.

I’ve surprisingly been doing ok. A bit better than ok because I’ve been able to write. Like visualize in brain AND get it into print/screen/cloud. This current fic didn’t flow right by hand. One I started it in the default iPhone notes (can hackers get me easier now?!?!! Do they want Harry Potter m/m Tomarry fan fic? My lists of books by author? Triple crossed hockey sticks drafts?aaaaaasssssssssssssss) anyway. Fuck. I guess now I won’t link it…. Fuck it. I have an iPhone. They have everything about me from shoe size to triple crossed hockey sticks I prefer.

Except I can’t figure out how to do it. It’s been 9tened minutes and the damn snake is back again eating its own tail like a ouroboros of dumbass.

Archive of our own: Harry Potter and the Lion, the Witch, and the Audacity of This Bitch by AbstractDiagram

(me!) heed warnings and tags my darlins because I’m too loony toons raised up to list or even remember em here.

Speaking of warnings. Reactivate!

I want to talk about important stuff. Nope. Brain supplies “breasts need attention” to which I replied? “Mine or hers?” Brain: “malfunction. Error. ‘Just whomst the fuck is “hers”’ referring too-est?”

(Did I just get a quote in a quote in a quote? Yes I did Other Barry Other Abstract, yes I did.)

Me: JE Suis de FUCKING CHRIST ON STILETTO HELLS THAT WAS HARD THINK. First I thought the self-convo. Then I thought about thinking it so I could write it down where I had to think of the words were in the correct order. ANOTHER SHART-TROUSERED-TOGLODITE of an ouroboros!!!

Fuck. I wanted to link what I think is the second song on Vanilla Ice’s cassette. “Stop this Train I Wanna Get Off”. But the music search doesn’t know it. Or I’m misremembering some part of it and/or experiencing a personal Mandala Effect.

There’s just been a sound outside. Metallic clang. Like someone hitting a trash can lid. And my brain hole has convinced me there’s someone dressed as a clown outside the window that is less that a standard size man can reach away from me. I scared myself so bad I stopped breathing and only started again when I realized that standard size man is bad languages. Speaking of bad language can I say “sexist” and not get ban-hammered?

Bahahhahahahahah! Brain just sent a flood of what can only be referred to as grasshoppers in helium making my boobs jumpy and floaty. “Yo Bee-atch. Boobies. Need. Attention. But I’m talking with everyone in my blogosphere. But. If not boobies? Munchies? (🎵“Mon-chi-chi, Mon-chi-chi”🎵) I have got to get away from doing these thoughts in thoughts in thoughts like (🤯😡🤬😡🤬😠🤯🤯🤯🤯🤯 say it with me now:) “an ouroboros.” Which. I can almost spell now. I’m close enough and/or attempted enough that the spell check gods have pity on me and throw it up there something about I can spell “ouroboros.” Almost.

Little lovelies if you made it this far, thank you.

There’s a man I need to see about a canoe. Or something like that. IT MEANS IMMA WATCH triple crossed hockey sticks videos (“Did I just do a recall <double - recall IN A MUTHAFUCKEN RECALL> inside an Ouroboros INSIDE ANOTHER RECALL Other Barry Other Abstract? Yes I did.”)

I may have to revisit it later because that had BETTER MAKE FUCKEN SENSE tomorrow or I’m gonna be very upset.

Brain promised me tits but I kept getting more snakes. I’m ever so pissed.

Fuck your two videos a post. For thou hast provided me with a Make A Gif button and I now have a gif of that video so there. That’s not the clip I wanted. Wait. Please hold.

Ok. So I wanted the “Tappa…” lady saying “I’m ever-so pissed.” But I decided I’d settle on the lady as posted above to use as this example by using it as in an example. (Ouroboros!) but then I could only find this Windy-oh’s 95 Paint flip book version and I realized. Oh fuck. House of rodent representative would shut that shit down. If you can’t see aforementioned lady’s image flickering above then I decided in (fuckING SNakEseses!) I decided to it not risk jt.

I just hallucinated two things in rapid succession and now I’m half petrified and half fidgeting nervous - and not too/bottom half or left/right halves. Fucking right arm (for typing) and left knee jostling. Other limbs left arm/right knee I can’t get to move. But as I looked at my phone the left half of my left eye’s visual field showed me a view out a window that I haven’t even seen the house the window is for thirty years. Oddly nostalgic dusty barely orange tone that made me smell summer weekend at Betty’s house. I could smell the cigarettes and beer and dogs and hot outside humidity. For a good ten seconds I was able to type (many errors! But I’m vain even highfalutin so I edit as I go) and see that wall, window, leaves, sky. But then (now too… if I cut off suddenly it was clowns in the window <re-call!>) there was another {ouroboros} metallic sound and

Shit there was one when I searched that that now I’m 3/4 petrified (but not the (Re-call) quarters you’d think. I have my right hand, my right toes up to my cramping-at-the-moment!!!-calf and the bottom of my left foot and left toes.

Ok well. Fucked that up by breaking paralysis to take picture of my cramped up 1/4th.

I have to stop here. I have to. I could do this “not Captain America quote.”

[capitateoftheherald]

It Follows (2015)

i realized a little bit ago that i could post abt the horror movies i watch on here, since i can’t bug my friends abt them. anyways tonight i watched It Follows (2015) and it was pretty pogged.

[spoilers below]

i had heard Many good things abt the movie and i was Not disappointed. i don’t get “scared” by movies particularly easily, so-to-speak, but the suspense here definitely worked. the scene where that mfer breaks into jay’s house was Scawy, even before the reveal at the end of it taking the shape of Tall Emaciated Man. i don’t pay attention to the background much typically, but this movie had me peeping back there constantly to watch out for the homies, and i loooved when i could see it coming and go “AAAA RUN”.

i already knew the general idea of the STD constant-walking monster (immortal snail but freaky), but i really liked the way it played out and that it had smarts to it. i had no idea how the pool scene was gonna go; it just picking up and throwing the electronics at her was a (welcome) surprise, although the implication that they just fucken left the body there and didn’t stay to make sure it really died was weird, as much as i appreciate untidy endings in horror. (supposedly the writer cleaned it up, but i choose to ignore this.) the girl that got shot fucking deserved it cuz holy god just move out of the way dumbass, paul is ACTIVELY POINTING A GUN IN YOUR DIRECTION.

greg deserved to die too bc he was a bitch & a typical teenage cishet dude (wanted to fuck all of the girls he saw).

the score was Epic and Unique (me <== synth enjoyer) and i liked the camera work, like the anticipation of peering over the pool with jay and how many stills of scenery and surroundings there were to simulate her paranoia. idk much about that kind of stuff tho, i’m not a NERD.

anyways i’d give it like uhhhhhhhhhh,,,,,,,,,,, 8/10?????

i’ll have more to add onto this in the morning about Google Reviews and how bitter i am about them.

[realmadridx14]

Bro i try SO hard to not use british words and spelling but 9 years of british school really did its work on me 😔😔😔😔

[legovasavouchiartstuff]

dude so fine he’ll blow ur mind

[miekasa]

right where you want me (eren yeager)

↯ pairings: eren yeager x (fem) reader

↯ genres and warnings: more modern au, fluff, eren is a baby but i think we all knew that

↯ word count: 1.2k

↯ notes: i saw @eremiie​’s post which reminded me of a draft i had, which resulted in editing this for eren. pls enjoy one thousand words of me, once again, pushing my quality time is eren’s love language agenda. 

“And then Jean said that he didn’t have aim assist on, but I swear he’s a fucken liar,” Eren rambles, completely in a world of his own as you rub sudsy circles into your face.

He’s been following you around since you came home from school, chattering about anything and everything that happened to him during his day off. It’s not an unusual occurrence; whether he knows it or not, Eren has a habit of hovering around you when he sees you for the first time in a while. Particularly when you’ve been out all day, and he’s been home (see: freeloading in your apartment) waiting for you to return. 

He’ll babble and follow you as you settle into your night routine like a puppy. A very loyal, very tall, very overgrown puppy. It usually carries on until you’re ready to shower, but today Eren seems to feel extra clingy; having followed you all the way to the bathroom, where he currently sits on top of the closed toilet seat, telling you about Jean and Connie and the details of their match earlier while you wash your face. 

You don’t even think Eren notices that you’re taking longer than usual; or, that, subsequently, he’s been talking for longer than usual. You know how much he hates to be home alone or bored, but you didn’t know that the result of a few hours of limited contact would be this. 

It’s cute. But you’re curious to see how far he’ll go; or, rather, how long he’ll stay. You think he might stalk you into the shower if given the opportunity. So, with a knowing smile, you pat your face dry, and decide to test your theory. 

“—Then, of course, Connie’s dumbass died. Armin was able to revive him, but he couldn’t play long after that, because he had to go to his lab.”

You hum, pulling the curtain back and twisting the knob to turn on the shower and adjusting the water to your preference, “Right, but I thought you said Armin wasn’t that good at this game.”

Eren huffs, bending his legs to sit criss-cross on top of the toilet now. You have to refrain from chuckling when you take a look at him—completely unaware of his size in comparison to the small porcelain underneath him. He looks like a child. You would take a picture of him if you had your phone with you. 

“He’s not,” Eren sighs, “But he’s more fun to play with than Jean, because at least Armin’s not a cheater.”

“But if the game comes with an aim assist option, is it really cheating?”

“Obviously, babe,” Eren gesticulates, hands flailing around him, “Everybody knows that you’re not as good as you say you are if you have to use the assist—it’s like, like… like people who say parallel parking is easy just because their car has one of those automatic sensor thingies.”

Ah, right.

You nod, pulling back when the water has finally heated up, now in search of your shower cap. “Of course, love,” you sympathize, reaching for the plastic, “Well, I’m going to shower now.”

Eren blinks, eyes wide like a baby. “Oh—now?”

“Well, we are in the bathroom. And I’m in a towel, and I did just come back from a long day at school, so, yes, now.”

Eren chuckles lightly, a faint pink dusting over the tips of his ears as he watches you unravel your towel and step into the shower. But that’s probably because of the steam—you like your showers really hot; definitely not because he saw you naked for a flash of a second.

“Oh—uh, yeah, okay,” Eren stutters, snapping himself out of his own thoughts, he stands up, stepping to the sink, “I think I’ll wash my face, too, first. Before I go.”

You hum in reply as you seemingly go on about your shower; when you simply stand under the water, keeping an ear out for Eren’s movements and words.

He suddenly takes great infatuation and care with washing his face—a whole ninety seconds if you’ve counted correctly—which, granted, is what he’s supposed to do, but you know damn well is not his regular routine. You think he might even brush his teeth, too, for the hell of it, and the familiar smell of one of your facial sprays begins to permeate the room.

He blurts out random thoughts in between—asking you briefly about your assignment, before going on to ramble about his least favorite professor; he tells you what he ate today, asks you what you had for lunch; he even asks you which body wash you’re currently using.

(The answer is none—you’re just barely holding it together trying not to laugh).

It’s almost fifteen minutes later, you think, when Eren starts whistling; clearly run out of things to say or do, but still hesitant to ask the one thing lingering on his mind.

“Are you still there, Eren?” you call wittingly. You can see Eren’s blurry figure through the shower curtain, an excited nod coming from his silhouette.

“Yup,” he chirps, hand reaching to scratch at the back of his head. You bite your lip—his hair probably needs to be washed. “I, uh… I’ll go now, though, I guess… wait for you to come out… maybe I’ll order food or something in the meantime. Do you want pizza? I think pizza would be good—oh, where should I order from? That place Mikasa recommended was really good last time—”  

It takes everything in you to not physically laugh out loud. God, he’s cute.

You pull the curtain back, just with your head peeping out to find Eren with one hand on the door, the other on the light—which you’re certain he would have accidentally tuned off had you not caught him—still lingering.

“Eren?”

He blinks. “Yeah, baby, what’s up?”

“Do you want to shower with me?”

You don’t think you’ve ever seen Eren’s eyes light up as bright or as quickly as they did in that moment. His head shakes with an overly enthusiastic nod, and is already clumsy in pulling off his clothes. He almost trips getting his sweatpants off, but you don’t think he’s ever gotten undressed that quickly—not even when you told him you would let him fuck your face.

Though, he was pretty damn quick to undress that time.

He finishes stripping with a complete lack of grace and coordination; a stupid, wide, boyish grin covers both his cheeks on his face when he finally steps into the shower behind you. He leans forward to dip his hair under the shower when you turn around to face him, resulting in droplets falling onto your forehead; you scrunch your nose, but Eren laughs, holding you face in his hands and craning his neck to peck your nose.

“Hi, baby,” he grins, his mop of hair now sticking to his face and neck from the water, “I forgot to ask—how did your assignment go?”

“You already asked me that, dummy. Twice, in fact,” you find yourself copying his smile, “You know, if you wanted to join me, all you do was ask.”

Eren squishes your cheeks between his palms and presses a kiss to your lips, “Well, I can’t make all the first moves, now can I?”

[minerwarfare-suzuya]

Just barely reading through my inbox from my 2nd blog and seeing the messages I received.

The messages are just the same shit sent on the Moboxcritique's blog.

Anyways, this retard just wants attention while being a fucken pussy to remain anonymous and play detective games with me. It's just hysterical, like dude your ass is being goofy in my inbox, like stfu at this point.

"I am 91"

Yeah and you're a lying bitch too 😂

Like yo ass ain't slick @madbox91plus

You're the same dumbass death123uwu under a new account and name.

Plus, @madbox91 doesn't speak Spanish nor is shown publicly making posts in fluent Spanish.

This really is a Bruh moment

Some dumbass really went to my other blog to make this comment just because they can say this anonymously lmao what a pussy.

The user is death123uwu obviously since I blocked them from asking about @nicolexd-boomchuyuwu-wu cause talking about her is old news. Plus, Nicole wants no involvement in Mobox87 drama but this asshole is also trying to harass the @moboxcritique and @madbox91 with comments that are uncalled for.

Anyways, 6 days prior on @xxk3vonicaxx

Here's what Nicole said. Translation on the right.

Kevonica's response.

[mean-scarlet-deceiver]

What's the episode with Arthur? Spotless record? Who pushes a train from the wrong end like that?

When you're an engine in a story penned by a magazine or a TVS writer, it seems to be an occupational hazard...

Also, it's very timely you bring this up, as "Spotless Record" is just a retread of many tropes in "Percy, James and the Fruitful Day." Only with less brilliant and crisp lighting and boring-er music.

Except for the bits that are a retread of Emily's intro episode. And Harvey's intro episode. And Murdoch's intro episode, a little? That one might come after this one, though. I don't know and I can't be arsed to find out. Anyway, the formula seems to be:

Fat Controller must be on hand to Proclaim the new engine's identity

Glamor shot where the other engines are suitably impressed or unimpressed by their appearance

New Guy gets off on the wrong foot, not because there's anything wrong with them but because Our Old Friends all decide to be dumbasses and dicks for no particular reason which may even be in-character for them but it doesn't help the New Guy develop any personality of their own, let me tell ya

In other words, they are sorely lacking in the great variety of ways in which Awdry would introduce new characters.

So, on TTTEtwt there is a common "game" where people post a thread inviting others to share a picture of their OCs to be rated on a scale of 10.

This is the stupidest game ever?

The grading is usually a mixture of "how realistic is the basis for Sodor + is the basis overused (some people don't acknowledge this bit, though, and will give every Class 7 or 8-fucken-F a thumbs up) + is the color scheme Distinctive but not Gaudy." A lot of times people specify that you shouldn't even tell anything about your character—the grade is not for their personality or character arc, just their name, appearance, job, and basis.

To which I call BS, because Arthur, like several other TVS newbies, should score a 10/10 on this scale...

... but all this potential is sadly wasted.

Great characters are not about the specs... it's about what you do with them.

Give me Rev. Awdry with his "here is a new character, his basis is A Random Thing I Kitbashed To Entertain My Kids, i will explain away all inconsistencies by saying the Fat Man had him rebuilt, i named him after some rando, here is all the unrealistic work he is about to do," and you know what? They always slap. We love them all.

Anyway, a goody-two-shoes Ivatt 2MT brought in for goods work—the rare non-cheeky tank engine, and a foil to the rest—should have been a gift to all the show writers forevermore.

But not only did he get sent to T&F limbo, they couldn't even make his intro episode interesting.

It's hard to explain what is wrong with Season 7 episodes, but good Lord are they snoozers. Overall decent concepts, and gorgeous sets, but:

The storytelling is so dull. Everything is so pat. It's all tell, not enough show, and everything is an echo of something these characters have said or done before. (Don't tell us Thomas and Percy kept biffing the trucks because it was fun! Show us!! Make us FEEL how irresistibly fun it all was!)

Everything sounds like it was brainstormed in committee. There are individual episode writers, but it also sounds like everything they did was reviewed and edited by committee. (I mean IIRC someone like Abi Grant confirmed this was literally true, but I didn't need confirmation—the scripts all sound like the product of executive review.)

The newcomer is the only one saying something new or interesting, and if their name isn't Emily they're never going to get the spotlight again anyway, so who cares?

Hartshorne's music isn't all bad in its way, but it doesn't create the moments of suspense and humor that the OGs' did.

Maybe it's realistic? but it's still funny to me that Harvey shows up with the breakdown train. Evidently Arthur made such a mess that someone got on the telephone and said "we're gonna need a whole lotta cranes here."

The dialogue is so bad. Where is Paul Larson? He's the only one of these writers who had a good ear for it. "And to be mended again... just like friendships." Dude!!!! Even for a pushover, this is pretty damn pushover-y!

MAKE IT. A FUCKEN. ARC. End it on a down note! Let TFC get angry!! Let Arthur feel unhappy for the length of some transition music!!! Then devote a whole episode to Thomas making it up to him!!!!!! Don't just wrap everything up in 5 minutes, you fools!!!!!!!!!

T&F: Oh... okay... so we'll make each episode 11 minutes each, then.

NOOOOOOOOOOO—

T&F: Without adding any more content. Got it! 😇

[transsexualhamlet]

asmr i psychoanalyze hide for fun

a lot of these are just stupid headcanons but a lot are also how i feel that’s just the way he is so

I know no one will read this it’s so very long but hello he’s my comfort character

(the words are under the cut bc THERE ARE SO MANY WORDS)

thoughts: It’s funny because most of the characters that I really love are just fucking idiots. So stupid. No thoughts head empty. And like at first glance you’d think the same with Hide, he’s got the look of a real dumbass, but he’s actually a really smart person? He just kind of, hides it. He did say he was like allergic to books once (it’s the adhd, king) but that doesn’t change the fact that he emotionally is actually a very intelligent person. It’s something he’s humble about because I don’t believe he really identifies with the intellectual crowd or sees himself as particularly above average, he just finds it easy to understand things. And he doesn’t ever use it for his own advantage even when it would be totally fine to do so, he pretty much always uses it to help other people and I think he believes if he used his strengths to help himself it would be, like, selfish. Which is a problem of his.

gemder n brand of gay: A lot of people in yonder Fandom like to see kaneki as bi and hide as gay but nah fam you’re off. Honestly I do not care about his Date With Rize in the slightest, that man is a homosexual. Hide is the bi one. (it’s not like this is a requirement or anything lmao i am just Saying also i’m bi and i’m projecting) I can also say with confidence that date with Rize was the only date Kaneki’s ever been on and he was definitely lying to himself. (i just, don’t know how you could look at Haise specifically and for one second think he has ever seen a boob) Hide’s the one who’s probably dated people before and he actually knows what’s attractive, he probably just doesn’t discuss that a lot with Kaneki since the bitch is Closeted and hide knows this. It’s funny because Hide canonically has two dads. Like I think that kind of explains him tbh. Bitch has good parents??? He’s the only one but we love him for it. U know Kaneki spent more of his life at Hide’s house than his own.

And as to gender, like obviously hide’s a guy, but i think he’s one of the few cisgenders who could like... tell you why. He’s well versed in those kinds of issues and has just thought about it a lot I guess? He’s comfortable in his skin and with a conventionally masculine appearance but he could tell you what Boy TM means other than yo macho man dude bro guy

personality type- ENFP-T: I took the fucking test for him and it was like... so easy. Took me ten minutes. 

basically what this means is it just calls him out as a fucken loud ass sunshine boy who has very many emotion and cares way too much about his friend

love how this part of the description describes kaneki and hide perfectly

biggest strength: he’s so good at helping people?? Like I can honestly say if some random person started rambling about their relationship issues to him I’d give him 10 minutes before he had a perfect solution, he had the person crying and being comforted in just the right way. He’s the perfect medium of confident and caring and he’s not just a fucking ray of sunshine on accident, he’s like, mob psycho 100 style actively working to be nice and compassionate. He’s very aware of how his actions affect people and he always knows just the right thing to say, what to do, when to just let things go or when to say them. And Hide will forgive, literally anything, even if someone does something really shitty to him he’ll realize it’s the product of like, unresolved mental issues or something and seek to fix it instead of cutting the person off. It’s... really good for everyone around him. But well,,, not great for him, see below.

biggest weakness: bitch does nOT leave room for himself. Although he is generally a confident person and isn’t very insecure, he knows he’s giving too much of himself and simply ‘pretend i do not see it but in reality i do’. He’s never put himself first and feels more worthy when he makes someone else happy, and it’s really not that visible but it can take a pretty big toll on him. He’ll feel anger and frustration for his problems but eventually he will end up blaming himself for anything that goes wrong and will just resolve to Try Harder. (which, mood) He does problem solve well and he tries to come up with the best solutions to issues but the fact is he just does not prioritize his own happiness within those solutions. He gives too much and it’s fucking killing him.

what he likes most about himself: Although he does have issues obviously, I don’t see Hide as someone who has particularly low esteem of himself. I think he pretty much thinks he has himself figured out and therefore other people’s problems come first. He generally does, think fondly of himself, because most of the time he can fix people’s problems so he’s yknow, a good person. I think he likes his ability to enjoy life and live in the moment, and he likes his connections and friendships with other people. He values emotional connection and he likes that he can easily create and enjoy good vibes. He loves being the one who everyone just... goes to for a good time.

favorite things: I think I heard somewhere that he enjoys dumb american bands without really understanding what they’re saying which seems very on brand for him, but I’m gonna perscribe him some other stuff too. Obviously he likes bright colors and comic books, and places where he can have fun with other people. He generally likes college, even though it’s like, school, and unlike kaneki he actually had a good childhood and he enjoys the places he spent time and formed good memories, he has Nostalgia TM (see unbelievable by owl city hmmm he vibes to that he was born in 1996 or something right i can’t google things) he also just really likes to just, fix other people’s problems but we’ve covered that. 

what he’s doing right and what he’s doing wrong: Hide is doing his best. He’s no less flawed than any of the other characters in tokyo ghoul, it’s just that his strategies tend to involve 100% less murder. Ok no, let me rephrase that, Hide is flawed, but i meant like emotionally, he’s not a war criminal like everyone else. He may seem at first glance like, just, perfect? Sorry for being a simp lmao but I feel like from the outside he’s just got it all together right? He knows what he’s doing and he’s super nice and helpful and smart and humble and just doesn’t have any visible flaws? He... tends to hide any evidence that he would ever be struggling. And that’s not very sexy of him. He feels it would be a burden on others to show pain or ever say he can’t take something on (if someone asked him to do something he’d do it even if he was already mentally at capacity etc) and that’s something he needs to work on. The good thing is that if they got to a point where after Kaneki’s Character Development they got to just... like, be happy and not be separated and everything Kaneki would be good for him because he compliments that. Hide helps him because he needs a lot of like, mental counseling lmao but now that Kaneki’s gone through a lot of that his eyes have been opened more to the fact that Hide hides his problems from Kaneki so if they could just bE HAPPY this is an issue that could be resolved

insecurities: I think Hide kind of believes he’s not allowed to be sad. Cause it’s like, not his job. He’s the source of happiness for everyone else, supposed to have everything together so he can fix everyone else’s problems. he’s not allowed to be in pain or feel bad for himself even though he knows “Boys Can Cry” it’s like, yes boys can cry, not me tho haha lmao it’s not about his masculinity it’s just he’s like “yeah but kaneki’s had it worse” so like if he finds himself in a bad place, he feels inadequate and like... fundametally broken. and it’s. Like. I felt that but also like king that’s not how it works

goal in life: I think he wouldn’t really be able to answer that question. What the truth would be is that he probably wants to do something grand and important that helps a lot of people and kind of changes the world. But he might not really think of it that way, since he’s usually focused more on smaller more isolated issues and he has no idea what he wants to do as a career. He admires activists and people who put themselves at risk but it probably makes him feel inferior that someone else is Doing Something About This Big Problem and he’s just sitting there riding around on his bisexual bike and being in college. (I’d like to say he’s probably changed majors at least a few times,,, that man was like “oh yeah lmao i’m gonna be a comic book artist” but someone said something about how he’s a good therapist and he’s like “brb kinshift i am now a psychology major” lmao.) (hello i am projecting but i’m right) He sees a tumblr post about some issue somewhere and he hyperfixates on it for days until he sees another post about something worse it’s an issue. But I think what he ended up doing was what he wanted to, even if he never recieved any recognition for it the internal sense that he was doing something Right TM in the eyes of history would probably make him cry

how he was raised: I can’t really say much to this because there’s barely any canon on this and the canon that does exist I have completely ignored other than the fact that he has two dads. Bro tbh? He didn’t need any tragic emo backstory I think he had a great childhood. Honestly he’s probably a rich kid. Not super rich but he’s not struggling man. Not gonna lie to you I think the only reason he went to Kamii was because he wanted to be at the same college as Kaneki who probably got a scholarship. Hide, didn’t. (it’s not like he’s not intelligent but I don’t really think that his grades are his biggest priority, the only time he ever pays attention in class is to give kaneki the answers when he’s gone) 

What irks me about the random lore drop in the last chapter about him having a CCG dad that died or whatever- it kind of ruins the whole point for me. Personally I choose to believe he had nothing whatsoever to do with ghouls or the ccg before all that happened to Kaneki. He probably had correct opinions on them, but only like, in theory, it’s like straight people that are like “yeah ofc gay ppl valid” but they’ve never really had any personal experience with any. So when he gets involved in that- the fact is that the only reason he was... was bc of kaneki. It was never more complicated than that to me. YKNOW, SOME PEOPLE ARE JUST, NICE, OK? 

And I think for me that the fact that he could actively choose to be nice and be aware of all these problems when he’s practically got every advantage in life is a lot more important. He didn’t have to be poor or have a dead parent or have a shitty childhood for him to be really genuinely good. I don’t think he’s ever been bullied or anything, but he can still be aware that it sucks to be bullied. I think he was just... raised right. I think his dads are probably pretty fucking baller for him to be such a bro. They taught him the right shit.

General philosophy: Hide is one of the only people in the series for whom the dynamics of right and wrong are not hard to understand. He’s never been required to pick up a weapon or actually truly fight in the CCG, he’s never been really mean to anyone. Of course I can say he’s probably decked a few ppl that made fun of Kaneki in middle school, but haven’t we all. The thing is that though he’s never suffered at the hands of others, everything that’s hurt him he’s gone in fully consenting to it- he can still understand and forgive what everyone else has done. Like bro he’s the literal only one around who’s not like a literal war criminal, but he’s not going to think he’s better because of it, because he understands that if he had been in their circumstances he couldn’t say how he would have turned out. 

That’s why I think it’s so important that he never really had a bad childhood- he’s not better than them for turning out without any blood on his hands, because he was never required to. And he knows that and he goes through every day with all these people who have and is conscious of it. He can’t ever say he’s incapable of hurting other people, because he would have said that about Kaneki before all of it happened. So he’s quite politically correct compared to Kaneki and the others but he doesn’t see things that way.

relationship bullshit: i mean bro i know this is a serious post about like psychological and emotional things but i felt the need to discuss whY does everyone write hide as a bottom I mean like sure he’d bottom if his partner was a top but this is simply not the case with kaneki look at him. Hide. Service top. I rest my case. The man’s the biggest switch ever but when he’s a top he’s a nice top. I think Kaneki needs that to be perfectly honest. He really likes to take care of people. Also kind of off topic but his love language is quality time he just wants to play video games wit da homies and he might fall in love a bit

I find it genuinely funny how much i cannot get away from the tentacle porn on the god forsaken archive of our own just looking at the tags i already know it’s so out of character haitoheoihesdsdsa and don’t get me started on the vore

how kaneki sees him vs how he actually is: One of the biggest problems in kaneki and hide’s relationship is how in the beginning, Kaneki didn’t really understand at all that Hide could be hiding anything from him. Kaneki’s not good at picking up clues like that in general, but the fact that he was hiding so much himself didn’t help at all. Hide gives off the vibe of someone who has no inhibitions and shows every side of himself without hesitation, and Kaneki really does idolize that. He didn’t realize that Hide could possibly be suffering or imperfect compared to his vision. He sees Hide as practically an angel, and that’s exactly how Hide wants Kaneki to see him, because he doesn’t want to burden Kaneki with his own problems since he believes they’re not as important and they would make Kaneki sad. Kaneki knew Hide wasn’t as oblivious as he seemed, but he didn’t really understand what that meant until too late. The good thing about Kaneki’s character development though is that it then helps Kaneki understand that Hide was suffering because of him and he didn’t want Hide to hide it anymore (lmao). If they’d only executed that point well that could have been really good but well that’s what fanfic is for

how he sees kaneki vs how kaneki actually is: This one’s a lot more difficult, because well. Hide’s very good at knowing exactly how people are in their hearts, compared to Kaneki. But there are definitely some things that he’s not super up on. He wasn’t around for a lot of Kaneki’s development, so most of the time I think he still believes Kaneki doesn’t want to see his pain, which is, simply incorrect, Kaneki would obviously not be happy to hear it but it would tear him up inside to realize he’s been oblivious to it the whole time. He’s grown a lot more mature since he spent most of his time with Hide, and I really think Hide could benefit from being able to open up to Kaneki the way he is now. And well. I think his biggest misconception has to be that Kaneki enjoyed women lmao

the most him thing i’ve ever done: listening to a happy upbeat song and visibly bopping while also uncontrollably sobbing

miscellaneous headcanons: 

-he’s a morning person lmao. Motherfucker gets up at 6 AM and Kaneki is like PL EA SE NO

-what he finds attractive is like. twinks and girls with hair in colors that don’t exist and ppl who don’t know what gender is

-He likes Imagine Dragons lmao you can see by the next point

-his coping mechanisms are mostly music and other people tbh he’s like “oh i am having emotions? disgusting” *goes to a party*

-he plays dnd and he mains a warlock i don’t make the rules

-he doesn’t look like someone who would do that shit but he probably knows how to use tarot cards

-idk how but that motherfucker is so neurodivergent i can smell the hyperempathy on him look at that man he has so much adhd

-he’s fully aware that his fashion sense is terrible and continues to wear more and more ridiculous clothes to piss kaneki off

-this man has tungle dot fuck. Look at him. His url is probably something along the lines of my ao3 username lmao

-he can see the forbidden shrimp colors smh

-this bitch likes mob psycho 100 and the promised neverland, kaneki keeps telling him to watch death note and he’s just like n   o hhsdfhhfdshdfshdfs he probably kins tpn emma

-he doesn’t know how to drive lmao he bikes everywhere and he lives in tokyo

-i am once again thinking about how he was in a play with kaneki and kaneki was the main character and he was the spicy side character that’s not a headcanon just. that

songs that are, him: 

-Stand By You (Rachel Platten)

-Luck (American Authors)

-Love (Imagine Dragons)

-If I Lose Myself (One Republic)

-Stardust (New Politics)

-Secrets (also one republic)

-Flaws (Bastille)

-100 Bad Days (AJR)

-I Lived (another one republic lmao)

-Battle Scars (Paradise Fears)

-Rise Up (Imagine Dragons)

yeah he definitely listens to this shit lmao

[spiralesbian]

ALRIGHT

here’s my full Stranger Avatar Sasha Archivist timeline:

(also, thanks to @artbyblastweave for being so interested in my lil au!)

SEASON ONE

sasha james is hired as the head archivist of the magnus institute!

her assistants are jon, tim, and martin

tim takes the thematic role of martin (aka getting tormented by my worm wife jane, and stays in the archives)

sasha reads thru statements and is a skeptic! she really does not believe it’s real until jane comes along.

“tim……………………..did you die here?”

“no, but every time i come to work i die a little more inside.”

cute timsha moment in the supply closet tho.

until martin kool-aid-mans through the door and gets them out of there

jon used to work in artefact storage so he hides in there. he’ll be fine

i actually can’t remember how they all get out but they do it KKJSDGFJHD

sasha takes everyone’s statements. tim is fucked up, martin is also fucked up, jon is actually fine though he seems pretty normal about this whole situation most definitely.

sasha realizes this is a bit more than a regular archivist job.

SEASON TWO

sasha gets paranoid of course. she learns more about gertrude because she never got the chance to meet her

she takes a statement from a guy named michael shelley. weird dude. then helen shows up :)

jon is most definitely himself he is just a normal regular grumpy jon i swear :)

sasha starts to manifest her powers a little bit. she doesn’t know it, but she is an avatar of the stranger, and a prisoner of the eye.

she starts to notice more things about jon? similar to this comic but with jon

eventually she + tim + martin help get jon out of the grip of the NotJon. this is my au and i get to choose who dies (it’s no one because i miss the s1 archival assistants too much).

jon is pretty fucked up from this though and at like a season-3-tim mindset already.

fucking goddamn leitner avatar of the fucking whore shows up to trap the NotJon in one of his shitty fucking novels. fuck this guy tho

he’s like Sasha We Must Talk and shes like okay but stay 8 ft away from me at all times you bitch

she leaves the room for 10 minutes and pipe murder occurs. good riddance

wait are the cops in the season i genuinely can’t remember. if they are, their roles don’t change very much. melanie and sasha feud, battle of the bi queens

SEASON THREE:

uh oh! girlie’s be framed for murder! she crashes at her ex gf georgie’s flat. also the admiral is there don’t think i would EVER cut him out of this story

(also jon is georgie’s ex too because i think that would be fun JDHBFHS)

sasha learns abt an upcoming web ritual (mirroring the unknowing), all that shit. gets kidnapped a ton of times, as usual.

helen is like “i am going to kill you because i hate gertrude <3 i was that dumb bitch’s assistant for too long” but michael busts out of the door like Hi Guys and traps her in the hallway.

sasha also gives her statement about a leitner she found as a child that marked her. its a stranger book and we learn her edgy orphan origin story how her parents were both murked by the stranger. fucked up if true!

back at the archives jon is like so fucking tired of this shit honestly and now martin is also pretty paranoid. also jm romance subplot is still very present!

tim is just trying to protect sasha at all times and he’s pissed she keeps leaving the country and getting fucking kidnapped

(remember when jon persuades the traffic cop?) sasha starts to fill her archivist role in a different way. she can shapeshift into the subject of a statement and uses her affiliation with the eye to coerce statements or info out of people. (example: if she needed a live statement from the guy in #90 Body Builder, she could temporarily make herself look like jared hopworth to the guy and ask “what happened to me?” or “what did i do?” and the guy would be like well he built some fucken bodies i guess let me tell you all about it) while reading the statements in america that refuel her, she fully shapeshifts into the statement giver while reading out loud.

once again i truly can’t remember daisy + basira’s roles until the end of the season. also melanie get shot by the ghost at some point

anyways sasha gets kidnapped by trevor and julia and they gerry lays out all the shit for her and she’s like ah! i’m fucked

tim offhand mentions the web ritual to martin and he loses his shit cause he’s marked by the web blah blah this isn’t a web!martin thing i swear i just need someone to fill tim’s role in the ritual and a lonely ritual would be fucking boring as hell as we learned from ass man peter lukas. i hate that man

so they make the plan to stop the web ritual (which is fucking hard when the offense knows your every move) so sasha, basira, daisy, jon, and martin go.

tim stays back at the institute to burn shit and distract elias. elias does some fucked up shit as usual and it makes me sad

the ritual starts! they have a plan to blow it up and run but like. u know how it goes

instead of the unknowing-stranger-dream-sequence, we get everyone kinda mixed up in a huge spider’s web on the big stage and its still quite confusing because this ritual not only manipulates the prey, but also the prey’s perceived reality. the web is also in current control of the buried coffin cause they think that shit is kinda fun. they yeet daisy into it.

hard to describe what happens, but basira keeps her cool, jon is a bit lost in his own mind, sasha tries to use her powers to escape but fails. she manages to get through to martin through the strings and mounds of spiders and she tosses him the detonator.

[squishing spider noises]

SEASON FOUR:

martin doesn't die, i told you i can't kill the og archival assistants! he does lose most of one leg though, he took the blunt of the explosion.

sasha in da hospital in da coma. tim is mad he can’t wake her up and then my man ollie says “ur fucked up mate” and she wakes up

(and because coma jon has such wild hair controversy, i’m establishing that her head was shaved when she was in the coma. it grows back thru s4. it she keeps one side shaved cause she’s cool)

meanwhile tim is recruited by that dumbass man you know who i don’t even wanna say his stupid fucking name

sasha gets daisy out of the buried. they become avatar pals!

(there is the biggest blank in my memory where all of season four should be. at this point i should just relisten to the entire fucking show but i would literally just forget it all again)

melanie says hm. fuck this! and blinds herself. she goes to live with georgie (and that’s the moment jon and sasha realize they are both georgie’s exes FHFHDJD)

tim continues to fight the lonely pull. he thinks that since p*ter l*kas is tied to the institute, he can blind himself out cause melanie was successful. he is wrong. he is also interrupted by elias midway, and only blinds one eye, and loses most of his sight in the other. elias’s hold on him is weak, but this just drives him way farther into the lonely.

gotta be honest i remember the end of season four but like i couldn’t visualize what was happening at the end so i like don’t understand what happened JGDKFJGD but sasha intervenes (???) and peter yeets tim into the lonely (???) and sasha jumps in (??????) after him. elias is just there i guess?

instead of “look at me martin,” sasha finds tim and at this point her form is warped and hard to recognize because of stranger powers, and tim is almost 100% blind, so she says “don’t look at me, see me. see me tim, it’s me.” and finally creates a clear image of herself. “it’s...it’s you. you’re my sasha.”

they break free and go to scotland i guess KHSDDKDSF

idk what happens with jon and martin im losing continuity at this point. fuck it, they smooch <3

“ah these are the statements.”

“yes. basira said last week she’d send some up as soon as the archives weren’t a crime scene. and she wasn’t sure which ones you’ve read already, so she, she just said she’d send a bunch.”

“.........Hello Sasha.”

(alternate ending: personally i think sasha would read through each statement before speaking them aloud cause that’s what i would fucking do, so she would get this statement and be like “lmao tim come look at this elias trying to prank me dumb bitch think i’ll start the apocalypse for him. fucking little puny bitch boy. anyways what do you want for dinner?”)

SEASON FIVE:

“just. listen.”

“...i’m dead. and you have been chosen to be my replacement as head archivist. hopefully, this means you, jon, but if someone else is hearing this, and elias has made a different choice for some reason, then these words are still very much intended for you.”

sasha in full stranger avatar mode and is like 8ft tall and her faces shift a lot as they go through the realms. except the stranger is the second to last one (the panopticon is last obviously).

helen and michael actually talk shit out in the spiral hallway and now they are mlm wlw solidarity and both like tim and sasha are such bi and trans icons <3 this is so fun don’t you love the fearpocalypse <3

oh daisy n basira trapped in the hunt, and jon and martin are trapped in the stranger. wtgfs + the admiral are like in space or some shit idk but they are ok :)

not much to report other than she is my monster wife <3

i really don’t have many theories to how everything in s5 is gonna pan out, and i would like to closely mirror the actual show, so maybe as we get closer to the end i’ll build more on to this! thanks a lot for all the notes on my first sarchivist post!! also if u wanna make art this specific au DEF tag me in it i’d love to see!!