#dulling it up ludicrous style
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Shopping
Style took priority in Floyd’s fashion. Anything with sleek appeal merited his attention - as long as he could cough up enough money to afford it and within reasonable quality. Thus, shopping was a fond thing he’d do in his spare time.
One day, he finds himself getting whisked away by you, an impromptu trip to the mall where you had nothing but some hard-earned money from working a few shifts from Mostro Lounge. You needed to let out some steam, shopping being one of your favorite pastimes. Floyd, unsurprisingly, didn’t refuse, tagging along with you with a lazy toothy grin on his lips.
The bustling town a welcoming sight, you make haste to join the crowd, your eyes flickering excitedly amongst the many storefronts. Bursts of color containing aesthetic touches flirt with the consumer, seeking someone to own a trend of fashion for days to come. There were times when you and Floyd would enter a random store and look around, browsing for anything that would appeal to your taste, trying on said clothes, and commenting about its appeal. You banter with Floyd, exchanging commentary about a particular piece of clothing that caught your eye.
Needless to say, shopping was often an experience for you; trying new pieces of clothing that you’d never buy, marveling at the ludicrous prices listing by the tags, and making a mental image of you wearing such attire. Store after store, Floyd watches you flit around, trying accessories, placing particles of clothes on top of the other to determine its appeal in front of a wide mirror.
“Shrimpie, I think this would best suit you.”
He takes a top from another section you browsed earlier and places it on top of your figure.
“Well?”
The splash of red compliments the rich green shade in the bottoms. Delight creases your features as soon as you saw this addition of clothing.
“Look at you, Mr. Fashionista. Do I need to take you along for my shopping trips then?”
“I just happen to know what looks good and what doesn’t; don’t flatter me too much.”
Floyd’s reflection makes a face in the mirror. A chortle stirs in your throat as you keep Floyd’s suggestion as your purchase.
At the end of the day, the both of you welded hefty bags containing an assortment of new clothes for your closets, each bag marked with a holiday motif. Compared to Floyd, you had the most bags, with Floyd carrying the remnants of his haul on his other arm.
“Huh, no wonder you always complain about having no money.”
“Shut up, Floyd.”
You heave your bags, feeling a wave of fatigue and exhilaration wash over you. Shopping was indeed retail therapy for you, a remedy after a long week of studying and work. Happiness was in the clothes you bought and the shared experience of browsing around for clothes with Floyd, the money can be dealt with later.
“Thank you for tagging along with me. I very much appreciate your company, Mr. Leech.”
“Don’t mention it. I got something out of today’s adventures.”
A toothy grin answers your gratitude, one that usually spells out mischief. You didn’t want to know what kind of scheme he was thinking about.
“Anyways, shall we head back?”
“Nah, I’m hungry-“
A pang of dread hits you hard, hours of shopping leaving you nothing but spare change remaining.
“I’m broke, Floyd.”
Your lips curl to a pitiful pout. Floyd clicks on his tongue, his fingers already flicking your forehead.
“Shrimpie spent too much money! Fine, I’ll cover you.”
”Thank you, Floyd~”
“You’ll pay me back, right?”
A piercing gaze of a dull gold and cloudy gray stops you in your tracks.
“Of course, of course, Floyd. I’ll make sure to pay you back~”
You play off the chilling dread with a lighthearted smile, patting the second year in the back. His temperament at ease, you barely scraped by with that passing comment. For now, you keep a mental note to ensure to pay your due.
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Things that happened at the 250th anniversary of the British garrison at Fort Ticonderoga
as relayed by a humble fifer for His Majesty’s army, for his own records:
As if the unit needed any more musicians, we now have a fifth. We will not be sharing any with the rest of the British Brigade but you can bask in our glory and also our obnoxious fife practicing.
Speaking of which, we accidentally kind of adopted the 13-year-old drummer from the 24th. We joked about poaching from from his unit until we actually had to talk him out of it because he's not based in our area and, being 13, cannot drive himself to events that are fully in a different state.
At some point, however, he shows up in a bright yellow 26th regiment coat, having been temporarily poached to drum their musket demonstration anyway.
For some reason the Captain decided to entrust Music with kitchen duty this weekend, which seemed like a risky move at first given that we are essentially a bunch of overgrown teenagers who simultaneously overcooked the rice and undercooked the peas, but it ended up being pretty damn good apart from that. I cannot personally take credit for much as I was in the middle of Lake Champlain for the entirety of the time supper was being cooked.
We made a frankly ludicrous amount of boiled cabbage for dinner (lunch). No one was going to eat that much cabbage. The officers instructed us to dispose of it somehow.
Of course, we couldn't just let one person do it. All six of us had to go. Our 21-year-old acting fife major took this job very seriously.
"Cabbage Detail... to the front… march!”
The cabbage was rather inelegantly dumped into a pile on the edge of the woods. We gave it a soldier's funeral (saluted it and sang Roslin Castle badly).
Helped to load the bateau onto the cart to be put into the water. Little 24th drummer showed up in full regimental regalia because no one in his unit warned him the thing was covered in pine tar (which, I realized, has a rather pleasant smell that made the whole ordeal much more bearable). His white smallclothes did not make it out entirely unscathed.
Fellow Cheshire fifer and I immediately volunteered to be part of the boat crew. I had assumed the spots would go faster but perhaps most people don't want to spend half an hour bailing lake water out of a bateau.
Some guy at the marina was either high or drunk and heckled us for a solid 10 minutes as we loaded the thing into the water. I suppose it's not every day you see a bunch of 18th century soldiers get into a glorified canoe and start bailing within two minutes but still, you'd think that if something worked with consistent success for thousands of years even a guy with no sense of history would realize that's not going to change now.
Like, we were maybe 200 feet out and he was still going. He just could not fathom that we could get around the point and to the dock within the 25 minute estimate given to him by our boatmaster. But you know, in his defense, maybe it was 30 minutes and not 25...
Supper was quite good except that, with Music doing the cooking, we almost de-soldered a kettle by cooking a bunch of dill and potatoes in it without any water. Once again I was on the lake while this happened so this was not my fault.
I managed to lose my modern thumbpick for my mandolin at home somewhere along the line and didn’t realize until I got to the event. I used a horn button instead. I would not recommend it unless you have no other choice.
Small tavern night but nothing compared to the raving tavern we had at Dey Mansion. A bunch of boy scouts sleeping over with LED headlights were running around and kind of killing the vibe.
Next morning is rainy and dull. At least one fellow sleeps through reveille but in his defense he was feeling quite awful from a migraine, in period accurate style.
Also in period accurate style, the Captain shows up with two dozen Dunkin Donuts for the 22nd lads now that a fire isn't an option. That's how you know it's Sunday morning. Little 24 manages to snag two.
In his defense, I had two as well. The 13-year-old boy in me won. I figured I'd spent enough time on the two-person saw yesterday to earn it.
For some reason yesterday I decided to volunteer for gabion duty in the morning. Now it’s raining and I don’t know why I did that.
The gabion crew spends maybe 45 minutes complaining in the mud and the rain. There’s an assembly line going: a couple guys digging, a couple guys passing the buckets up, one guy dumping them and throwing them back down, and a Bucket Boy to catch them. Allegedly.
The banter is spectacular. Our only marine is nearly decapitated by a flying bucket. Little 24 shows up (in a DIFFERENT 26th coat) to be the Bucket Boy but our Bucket Boy sucks and keeps tossing the buckets in the wrong direction. The musicians threaten several people with the cat-o-nine. None of this is OSHA approved. There’s talk of unionizing. The cabbage is still in a pile at the edge of the woods.
At some point the artillery company marches out and we all collectively decide gabion duty is done despite being on duty for another hour or something. Ironically enough this was one of the more enjoyable and memorable parts of the event by virtue of it being so miserable. It was quite authentic.
Also really enjoyed the singular marine (with his head thankfully still intact after the gabions) at this event, who, when I asked if my brand new forage cap—rather large on my apparently rather small head—was still holding up after hauling mud around for 45 minutes, observed that the front was practically over my ear and very politely commented “it’s very rakish”
We all kind of shuffle around in the grass to get the mud off our shoes. In my own words, my ‘dashes are absolutely spattered. I am still repeating this phrase because it sounds like British slang for being really drunk or something.
I return to the barracks to hold some very warm hard boiled eggs in my very cold hands. Very effective, would recommend.
Not much going on apart from a few very dedicated visitors who braved the rain to make it to the event. We march out an hour early. My fellow fifer and I get to the car and make a beeline for the local Stewart’s for shakes to ease the post-reenactment depression.
All in all, a small but memorable event that, for me, really solidified the concept that Normal People don’t drive several hours to dress up in period clothing and do physical labor. I, however, am not Normal People, and had a great time.
#I do these mostly for posterity but maybe some other people will find them funny too lol#I like having a play by play#anyway#god save the cheshire regiment#this is your captain speaking#long post#fort ticonderoga#historical reenactment
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From Runway To Streets: Blurring The Lines Between Luxury Apparel And Streetwear
Introduction:
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Conclusion:
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So I'm (slowly) rewatching Transformers: Victory...
And Zod have mercy, I'm having to power through it.
See, when I did the pictures of the Dinoforce toys for @tfwiki, I saw how their fiction sections were massively empty, and I thought to myself "self, these guys are major characters in Japanese canon who are VERY VERY LIKELY going to get new toys soon (the Legacy Core Class Dinobots are blatantly Dinoking pretools), and they pretty much always appear as a big group, you can do a lot of copy-paste once you get team leader Goryu's section done, plugging another big hole that's been on the wiki for nearly two decades." So I dug up a subtitled run of Victory and...
It's incredibly, suffocatingly dry.
It's in this kind of awful middle ground where it's too simple and repetitive to be GOOD, but that lack of ambition means it never dips into the depths of ludicrously ridiculous/poor/careless writing that would make it BAD. It's just... there. A workmanlike product, inoffensive but also largely uninteresting.
The first six episodes are all basically the same story: Decepticons (mostly Dinoforce) attack a place, extended carnage and a few scenes of Kakuryu bungling, oh no some humans are in danger, Autobots show up, extruded fight sequences which typically lead up to a combiner sequence, Star Saber shows up to basically no-sell and win the day by just being super-powerful. It's only come episode seven that the formula changes. The stories don't necessarily get more complex, but they are at least different.
The Autobots are incredibly rigid and formal and it's hard to tell what most of them have got for personalities. It's not helping that, not being familiar with Japanese accents, they all sound incredibly similar and characters' faceplates don't move when they talk, meaning sometimes I literally can't tell who's talking. The Decepticons fare slightly better, thanks mainly to Leozack and Hellbat being super-duplicitous assholes and Goryu being a big proud lug, but the rest of Dinoforce are mostly childish idiots and the rest of Breastforce (yes, yes) are as flat as any Autobot, only evil.
Things do start changing up and getting slightly more character-driven after a while but really, it's all so rote. Also, six of the thirty-eight episodes are clip shows with no framing device whatsoever. The NINTH episode is a clip show, followed by another at episode 13. Yikes.
And stock footage. So, so, so much stock footage.
Supposedly, after the weirdness that was the Masterforce anime, Takara wanted to get "back to the roots" of Transformers, which had taken Japan by storm when it first released there in 1985. But by all accounts, a hefty part of what made TF so appealing o'er there to the point where re-releases of toys that had been on the market two years prior (in Diaclone and Microchange) suddenly sold like deep-fried crack was how it was so different from other "mecha" shows. It had a real goody-dumb to downright chaotic charm a lot of the time. But Victory is incredibly straight-laced, even to the point where the comedy relief bits are super predictable.
I was talking about it with @therobotmonster and he looked up what else was on "kids" TV in Japan (1989), and... whoof. Dragon Ball Z was ramping up to the first big fight with Vegeta. SD Gundam. Ranma 1/2 was hitting its stride. Never mind what was going on in the realm of Super Sentai and Masked Rider style action shows. And apparently, while Victory toys sold well, the show basically bombed.
Can't say that's surprising.
It's just kind of impressive the dull thud it's landing with, given I very distinctly remember the early days of online TF fandom in the 90s, when people swore up and down how amazing the anime were, especially Victory. Of course, by and large, nobody saying that actually understood Japanese and subtitles were out of the question, plus simply seeing the show was an endeavor all its own. You got a 9th-generation VHS copy from someone you didn't know on super-long-running speed (aka "worst fidelity") and just guessed at what was being said.
Ah well, I'm'a keep with it. I can't say I'm having fun with it, but well, it IS the wiki's purpose to catalog all this stuff, and Victory, dry as the cartoon is, DOES have nostalgia behind it and IS pretty much "The" Japanese Transformers Show.
And really, there are so many pieces of TF media that are so underwhelming compared to the toys they exist to advertise, and honestly, most of those are harder to watch than even the worst of Victory (looking at you, Prime Wars/War For Cybertron trilogies).
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Household Magic
Having already posted it everywhere else, here is my 15,000 word three part Silvaze fanfic all in one place! It focuses on Silver attempting to return Blaze’s hospitality following an extended stay in the Sol Dimension. The contents are nothing but fluff and cuteness, I hope you enjoy!
An anticipated cacophony filled the room, loud enough to spread tired eyelids. That noise was a ringing, the sound of a hammer striking back and forth across two metal bells and bringing with it vibrations enough to shake a bedside cabinet to the point of almost tumbling. For a moment the room’s sole occupant allowed the noise to linger. She hoped it would simply fade into obscurity and her all too brief rest could continue, but that was an impossibility.
The covers were pushed back as Blaze the cat, age twenty, set up straight before turning to fiddle with the infernal awakening contraption at her side. The clock had admittedly proved useful across its now five years of service, it meant she wasn’t reliant on wake-up calls delivered by Gardon or another member of the guard as she had been as a child. On the other hand though, Marine had been the one to create the device and, as with most things the raccoon did, she’d gone more than a little overboard. Most alarm clocks of its style were only slightly larger than the princess’ palm, but this one was almost as big as her head.
It took no fewer than three attempts to fasten the latch and stop the ludicrous device, but the silence that permeated the aftermath was more than worth it. The princess’ eyes flickered across the room, presently lit dull orange by a small slit in her balcony curtains. Beyond the reach of her four-poster bed were indicators of the day’s workload. Papers she’d been reading and amending well into the evening were strewn across her desk in an atypically loose manner, her robe loosely hung from the back of her chair and a cup half filled with now ice-cold tea had taken residence between the two messes.
Yesterday had been an especially busy day, with six two-to-three-hour meetings taking up the majority of her time and delivering an excess of paperwork. Each of these conferences were important of course, their subjects ranging from agricultural laws to discussions of energy production, but their combined presence being spread so varied meant more than she’d hoped of it had drifted through her ears without imprinting on her brain. Usually sorting through paperwork could right such issues, but there had simply been too much to handle over her already shortened night.
Either way, it seemed likely it’d all be righted by the days end. Meetings were set for today too of course, it was rare for the guardian to go a day without encountering some sort of stakeholder or advisor, but her schedule wasn’t nearly as chaotic. That thought naturally led into another as she heaved a stretch; a small seed of hope hope that, by the evening, she and Silver would have some free time that they could spend toge-
A light knock at the door sprung the felines from her daydreaming. This wasn’t an abnormal occurrence, though usually such interruptions came at night or while she was with the hedgehog rather than early in the morning. She presumed this intrusion meant a shift in her schedule, likely to one of her morning meetings was set to be shifted into the evening. Assuming the worst, she immediately disregarded her half-baked daydream.
“Who’s there?” She called out, bundling the covers over herself to preemptively reinforce her modesty.
“It’s just me,” The voice of the very hedgehog she’d been thinking of rang through the door, “Can I come in?”
Immediately, her presumptive wish was back on the table, “Of course, Silver.”
The hedgehog had visited the royal bedchamber before, he'd spent the night in here more often than she’d openly admit. It wasn’t the first time he’d come to see her in the morning, he had before on occasions she’d spent the prior day cooped up in meetings… but his present state immediately raised her eyebrow. The hedgehog had taken to clothes since he’d first arrived in the Sol dimension, some six years prior, but his present outfit had only been worn on one prior occasion.
Silver the hedgehog, also age twenty, had stepped into her room in full formal dress. A black suit jacket hung unbuttoned over his shoulders, revealing a white dress shirt and teal bowtie. Cufflinks, matching his own metal cuffs, hung off his sleeves with black suit trousers and semi-smart walking boots completing the ensemble... but clothes weren’t the only surprise he was bringing. Rather than use his hands, the psychic had opted to use his powers to open the door and maintain all he was carrying. A wooden tea tray stretched between his hands, stacked with what looked and smelled to be various breakfast foods.
Despite the smartness of his outfit in theory, it was clear that the time traveller hadn’t fully grasped how to tidy himself up. From when he’d worn this outfit last, a few aspects that the princess herself had seen to fix were out of place. For one, he was plainly new to tying a bowtie and for another his bedhead quills were still spread in their usual manner rather than brushed down.
Regardless, being solely garbed in a deep purple nighty was making the feline feel overdressed.
“Good morning!” He beamed, so casually wandering toward her bedside.
“Good morning,” Blaze bit back a stutter, still taking him in.
She had acquired Silver’s present outfit almost half a year ago in preparation for a certain event, her twentieth birthday. Usually, the guardian’s birthdays were a private affair but, for every ten-year milestone, a more public event was expected. In an attempt to keep things at least somewhat enjoyable for the princess, and mitigate anticipated unfortunate interactions, the hedgehog had offered himself up as a sort of companion for the evening. They hadn’t called it a date or claimed to be romantically involved but by hanging off his arm, and dancing more than a little, they’d successfully kept wannabe suitors at bay. With his help, rather than the awkward evening she’d anticipated, it’d been an occasion she was more than happy to look back on.
The princess had reflected on the evening perhaps a little too often, especially the point when they’d escaped the stuffy castle hall and found themselves beneath the stars in the royal garden. All that reflecting was now acting as a double-edged sword as her brain repeatedly misfired. Why had he put on that outfit? Why was he bringing her breakfast in bed?
As he arrived at her side, stood parallel to Marine’s haphazard alarm clock, the hedgehog leaned over. Immediately, Blaze caught on to what he was doing and flattened her legs, letting him place the tray into her lap. Though the aroma had been strong, it fully intensified once he placed the platter directly beneath her nose.
Usually the princess ate a scant breakfast, she’d only have time for a piece of fruit plucked from a bowl and plan go hungry until lunch at the earliest. Comparatively, this gift of stacked toast, sausages, bacon, boiled eggs, roasted tomato, and a tall glass of orange juice was undeniably mouth-watering. It would surely be even mouth-watering if confusion wasn’t occupying much of her mind.
“Th-Thank you,” She cursed the confusion in her voice but quickly bit the bullet and embraced it, “Have I forgotten something, Silver?”
His face twisted adorably for a moment, she could see the cogs turning in his brain, “I don’t think so?”
“I see,” His understated response only left her with more questions, how could he stand to be so casual while dressed so formally?
“Have I forgotten something?” He interrupted before she could attempt to pry further.
“No, this all looks wonderful,” She quickly replied, not wanting to seem ungrateful, but he’d presented another opportunity, “Although, I suppose you have in one sense. You’ve not explained why you’ve brought me breakfast and why you’re dressed like that?”
“Oh, I thought it was obvious,” His confusion faded as a beaming smile returned, the hedgehog stood up straight before giving a small bow, “I’m your butler now.”
In Blaze’s own opinion, Silver was easy to read. The hedgehog bore his emotions plainly under almost every circumstance and he was the worst liar the princess knew. That all being said, ever since he’d arrived in her world and started to live a life closer to normal, the hedgehog had a tendency to act spontaneously. Some things could be predicted, like the hours he’d spend by the beach or gardening, but he'd catch her off-guard every so often. He’d surprised her with gifts more than once, his interest in cooking had also gone unanticipated, but this all seemed a step more bizarre.
Despite all that, annoying was the first to worm its way into her head, “Did Gardon arrange this? I told him to let you rest…”
“Oh, no. It was all my idea,” Finally, he seemed to notice that she was confused by all he was doing, “When you said you’d be busy yesterday I spent the day at the library, going through old fables to see how they compared to the ones from my world. There were a few about the royal family, which I guess makes sense since they were in the royal library, but they usually focused on maids and butlers who looked after them,” Blaze putting the pieces together just as quickly as the hedgehog laid them out, “It made me think about how you’ve been looking after me every time I arrive from the future, even back when we didn’t remember each other. It only makes sense that I do the same for you when you’re struggling, so I put on the right outfit for the job. Whenever I get back from the future, as soon the calamity is solved and I’m strong enough to stand, I’ll be your butler from now on.”
“You’re so naïve,” She tutted, reaching up and catching the side of his head while he was still bowed over, “Silver, while you’re here I want you to rest. You work so hard in the future. I want this to be a space you can relax and just be yourself, you don’t need to do anything for me.”
“But I am rested,” He promised, slightly nuzzling into her grasp, “Besides, I’m really good at it, watch.”
Still leaned over her, the hedgehog extended his right hand to the far side of the room. Immediately, by his psychic will, her messy papers neatened themselves back into their individual folders. Next her robe rose from the chair, fully masked in a cyan aura. All the creases from its prior use faded as the entire garb was straightened before being neatly folded. The curtains gently parted, orange daylight filled the room more properly and gave her a more thorough view of what came next. From her desk and its surroundings, she watched as pencil shavings, dust and eraser filings amassed in a singular arial point. Once the gathering was complete, the mass softly flew down to land in her discarded mug.
“When I go, I’ll take that with me,” Her eyes flickered back to his, only to be met with a warm intensity, “I’ll do whatever you need and whatever you say.”
Something about that last sentence brought heat to the princess’ cheeks. Silver was attempting to balance a ledger that didn’t require balancing, that much was clear; she wanted to help him, he’d endured such harshness fighting for what was right, but that truth went both ways. It was clear that in her absence the hedgehog had thought long and hard about this, the meal on her lap and his state of dress was proof of that alone, but could she handle this shift? Then again, could she stand to tell him no while he was so earnestly smiling, so honestly and fully trying to help her.
Blaze’s eyes dropped to the meal on her lap as her hand slipped from his muzzle, “You’ll do whatever I say?”
“Absolutely anything,” He swore, as if it was the most important thing in the world.
As she to come to terms with their current situation, looking to buy time in any way possible, his quills offered some inspiration, “Go into the bathroom, there should be a glass in there. Fill it with water and see if you can find a comb in there, bring them both out here.”
“As you wish,” He said very intensely, as if copying something he’d read, before turning and making for her en suite.
Feeling heat still flagging from her face, Blaze quickly took up the glass of orange juice and gulped it down. Immediately, by its texture and its level of sweetness, Blaze knew he had freshly squeezed it. By the time she’d reached the bottom of the glass, her state was barely any better. Claiming a roasted cherry tomato, immediately identifying the basil and spice that signified his effort only further plunged her into embarrassment. Just how early had he woken up this morning? Had he even slept?
The princess shifted the duvet from her shoulders in yet another failed attempt to escape the heat. Silver’s time was still in a state of disaster, once every month or so he’d depart her world in an attempt to set it right only to return ragged and haggard. He’d rarely return without some kind of injury, usually they were minor but that didn’t stop her from insisting on weeks spent relaxing and recovering. The idea of him working during that time just filled her with conflicting feelings.
Another aspect Blaze was struggling with was the aesthetic of it all. The idea of Silver referring to her with a royal moniker put a bizarre feeling into her gut. On one hand she frankly detested those associated terms, not only did they make her seem more important than her people but they also reminded her of her isolation from her public. Undeniably however, the conjured thought of those words slipping from Silver’s lips as he pleaded and promised in that blunt way he so often did was somehow enticing… and yet simultaneously extremely flustering.
The bathroom door swung open, revealing the hedgehog. In his right hand was a long black comb while the left held the filled glass, he looked much too determined considering how simple his given task had been. Without a word though, he stepped forward and presented the objects she had requested.
“Good,” Awkwardly, Blaze shifted the tea tray from her lap to her left side before rising fully from the covers to kneel atop her bed, “Lean down.”
As he did, Blaze claimed the comb but left him holding the glass. She dunked the comb with her left hand, wetting it, while she reached up with her right hand, pushing down his quills. She knew this process would take a minute or two, the hedgehog was much too fluffy, but she was certain that the effort would be worthwhile.
“If you’re going to wear that outfit, you should wear it properly,” She chided, now taking the comb in her right and beginning flatten his quills back, “These are always such a mess.”
It was only when she went to dunk the comb again that she caught his eyes, sighting the warmth on his cheeks and the grin on his lips, “Thank you.”
“I-I’m only humouring this for a little while,” For as serious as her tone was, Blaze knew she could see through her hard façade, “You don’t owe me any kind of debt for looking after you. Once you accept that, I’ll put a stop to this.”
He didn’t seem to have a response to that, not that Blaze would have accepted any haggling over this situation. The princess did manage to lose herself in the act of brushing his quills down, lowering her temperature just a little. As long as he didn’t overuse his psychic powers, she knew they should keep their brushed back look… but him using such power was an inevitability, especially if he was set on serving her.
When she pulled back, she found him quite changed. His ears now the only think poking up; his still separate quills were laying streamlined and neat against his head. It was unfortunate that the view rekindled the heat in her chest as again his likeness from that day became all the more undeniable. In an attempt to dissuade such thoughts, she distracted herself by buttoning up his jacket.
“There, now you look more proper,” She, rather gruffly, insisted. In immediate hindsight any other wording would have been better but her embarrassment wouldn’t allow her to say the likes of handsome, at least not this early in the morning.
He seemed to accept her claim without need of a mirror, rising back to his full height, “Is there anything else you want me to do before your meetings start?”
“No, I think you’ve done more than enough,” Her gaze flickered back to the breakfast he’d prepared. She couldn’t help but cringe as she realised it’d be getting colder by the second, “Thank you, again, Silver. I don’t usually have time for a breakfast like this.”
She didn’t have the skill to cook it either, but that was better left unsaid.
“Well there’s more of that to come, I’ve already planned out lunch,” He jubilantly responded, “Do you think you’ll have a lot of time for it this afternoon?” “I’ll probably have a little to spare,” Blaze recalled, reminding herself of the day ahead, “But don’t go too over the top Silver, I do have meetings up until the evening.” “I won’t, I won’t,” He promised, his eyes glowing even brighter, “Just come out to the gazebo whenever you want it, I’ll have it ready.”
His mentioning of that glass building, situated at the heart of the royal gardens, again brought to mind the night of her twentieth birthday and stoked blush she’d been so desperately trying to hide. The event wasn’t the torrid tryst deserving of the spot it occupied in her mind, the guardian truly knew it wasn’t, but that knowledge wasn’t enough to prevent her flustering. No one had actually been there to stop them slipping out and into the garden, wandering until the music was faded and the light of the castle was dim behind them, but in the moment it’d felt so liberating and exhilarating. It was them, laying atop a grassy knoll and stargazing, that lingered so plainly in Blaze’s mind, how picturesque everything had been. That night she’d caught his gaze slipping to her on more than one occasion, but that was surely because her eyes had kept shifting to him. It wasn’t the first time she’d seen him awash in starlight, but something had felt different.
She could picture it in her mind’s eye, them lying hand in hand and scantly talking as the stars twinkled overhead. For whatever reason, be it his outfit or nature’s lighting, she’d found herself noticing things about the hedgehog she hadn’t prior. The calluses on his hands were first identified, the way they marked not only his efforts but how age had changed him. The broadness of his shoulders and the difference in their heights so starkly contrasted the warm excitement in his eyes and the softness that encompassed him, but all those things tightly held her attention. Those observations naturally led to thoughts she was yet to dare confront regarding the status of their partnership and what it might lead to.
“If you must,” Shaking thoughts from her head, Blaze found herself wearing a forced frown, “I take it you’ve planned other things as well?”
“Nothing too big, just little jobs out there,” He seemed to have caught onto her worries, “The gazebo needs cleaned, some of the hedges need trimmed,” He reached out to her still kneeling form and so casually put his hands on her shoulders, “It’s all easy stuff. I’ll manage it, don’t worry.”
“As long as you don’t push yourself too hard,” Her gaze again broke from him, “As long as you don’t overwork, I suppose I can endure all of this,” Now she was being too lenient, "For a day so."
“I’ll only do what seems easy and whatever you tell me to, I promise,” The punctuation of those last words with him squeezing her shoulders was almost enough to make her jump, “Are you really sure there’s nothing else you want me to do? Anything Blaze, no matter how small, I’ll do it.”
“Just go do whatever you think you can manage,” She instructed, beginning to bark, “I’ll come up with something specific for you to do later, just go do what you think needs done!”
“If that’s all you want, then I’ll do my best,” His hands fell from her frame, “I hope today’s not as tough as yesterday…”
“It’ll be fine, Silver,” She insisted, trying to ignore the sweat on her brow, “I’ll see you at lunch.”
“As you wish,” Again, she could hear the smile in his voice.
Having pulled away, halfway to the door, he seemed to catch himself and freeze. He turned on his heel and gave an overly deep bow. It was another act that, like using the royal monikers he had thankfully chosen not to grasp, would have usually turned her stomach and stoked her ire. Instead, especially as he rose and grin regrew to its widest, the feline felt her heart skip a beat.
Before she could stammer out any more nonsense, to call him naïve or hurry him off, he claimed the mug he’d filled with rubbish and quickly left her room. The near silence that hung in his wake, only broken by the ticking of the clock at her bedside, gave her mind plenty of room to run rampant. In an instant, a thousand of her synapses launched into overdrive as Blaze's hands covered her face.
What had she done? In the wake of his promises her temperature had shot through the roof, she could feel her tail whipping beneath the covers. How was she supposed to focus on work knowing he’d be waiting for her, preparing things for her and set to make even more promises about serving her?! He'd already swept her off her feet those nights ago, now it felt like that could happen at any time!
After some more panicking, her gaze was finally restored; her eyes flickered to her alarm clock before falling back to the meal by her side. Her first meeting was less than an hour away. Steadying herself with a deep breath, she took up her knife and fork and claimed a rasher of bacon before skewering another tomato beneath it.
The moment the morsel slipped past her lips; his form arrived in her mind’s eye to accompany the delightful taste. This was going to be even harder than she’d thought.
---
As expected, the morning’s work had proven difficult to focus on. High noon now approaching, the guardian of the Sol Emeralds had just concluded the last of her meetings before her scheduled break for lunch. She’d organised a topographical survey of a newly discovered island to the south, decided the locations of new wildflower beds set to be planted across the capital city and set up a meeting between two hunter-gatherer groups from the isle of Blizzard Peaks.Though the work had been successfully completed, imagined forms of a certain psychic time traveller had been vying for her attention.
A folder was clutched against her chest, so she shouldered her way through the door leading to the royal gardens. In truth, the papers she was carrying weren’t in need of edits or even reread, but they would hopefully prove to be an acceptable excuse to keep her eyes off Silver. Ideally, they’d also mean that conversation would be scant, but Blaze knew that hope was, at best, foolish.
As the princess’ heels met with the stone path that cut across the garden’s grass, her eyes were cast across the greenery, in search of both him and his work. The rose bushes flanking her sides looked to have been recently trimmed, but she admittedly hadn’t been paying much attention to their state over the past weeks. Nothing looked out of place... but if he’d only done easy jobs, as she’d instructed, his work was set to be more subtle. A sigh slipped her lips as the great glass greenhouse dome came into view, still half obscured by various bushes and large ornamental plants.
It wasn’t that she didn’t want to talk with him of course, under any other circumstance she’d have happily accepted a lunchtime rendezvous, but the role he’d taken was prodding at the forefront of her mind. While she should have been rehearsing the customs of the two nomadic groups, she’d been plagued by an imagined reality wherein he’d enter to offer her and the scholars she’d gathered tea just in the hopes of seeing her. The thought of the island survey had reminded her of so many not-quite-dates they’d been on, hiking and visiting the natural wonders spread across her kingdom. Considering the flowerbeds had especially sparked her imagination, conjuring images not of him working the garden in his typical manner but presenting her flowers and offering her arm.
Blaze stopped in her tracks, balling her fists. She hadn’t even reached the hedgehog yet, but her tail was whipping wildly, and her temperature had skyrocketed. He was just trying to be helpful, simply embodying a foolish idea that had brewed in her absence. She was being just as fanciful and immature as he was; Silver’s change of dress wasn’t going to induce some shift toward the romantic. If anything, his self-claimed role should have put him in the strictly platonic position of being under her employ rather than an honoured guest. And yet, for a multitude of reasons, it made Blaze feel much the opposite.
She heaved a deep breath before resuming, hearing the resounding clicks of her heels against hard ground. It was only when she was halfway there that she noticed how the greenhouse had changed, its glass panelling was catching the sun in a way unlike it had for years. Had the metal frame that separated the panes been repainted? He hadn’t promised to go that far, but Blaze supposed that wouldn’t be too difficult of a job for Silver and his powers.
The guardian picked up the pace and quickly arrived at the dome’s entrance but opted instead to round its right side. It was as she thought, the thoroughly cracked and glaking paint was gone, and a still slightly wet looking white sheen had taken its place. Despite this change, and though she didn’t round the entire dome, the princess couldn’t see a single stray droplet of paint on any of the glass. That success suggested he’d used his powers, but she’d never seen them used quite like this. Regardless of how he’d done it though, this was an incredible feat considering the limited time he’d had. He’d been shocking accu-
Blaze’s train of thought came to a screeching halt as a movement within the gazebo caught her eye. Various ornamental plants surrounded the dome’s edge, both in pots and on tables, most of them requiring a more humid climate and protection from the elements. Through the stalks of a particularly tall flowering bamboo plant, she’d only just managed to see the hedgehog on the far side of the dome. Even though he was out here working, Silver hadn’t changed out of his fancy outfit; leading to a view that teased a wiry grin onto her lips.
His hands were raised before him, gently oscillating back and forth as he stretched his fingers. Ahead of him floated a dozen watering cans, each of them pouring into individual pots. Every so often, seemingly at his whim, one or two of the dispensers would upright and float to a different thirsty plant or rush to the flowing faucet at the back end of the half-sphere for refilling. As her gaze was pulled in that direction though, it landed upon an iron wrought table and chair that had been set up at the building’s heart. There was silver dome, surely covering a plate, directly in front of where an individual would sit.
Her vision shifted from his works to focus on the hedgehog and, again, heat blossomed on her face. He looked like a conductor, standing tall and straight before a grand orchestra. Poking out through the back of his trousers, just visible through his suit jacket, Blaze could see his tail beating back and forth. Compounding with that expression, emphasised by his brushed down quills, the hedgehog’s expressive ears were sticking straight up in excitement.
Though that view, and imaging the grin on his face, warmed her heart comfortably... it did lead to something much more embarrassing. He seemed to have realised that using his powers would force his quills to straighten. To keep his quills as she’d set them, he’d used an accessory to ponytail his quills. Specifically, he’d used one of her red bands.
It was as she noticed the hair-tie that a trio of the watering cans flipped from floating under the faucet to race in Blaze’s direction. Before she could step one way or the other, either better into hiding behind the bamboo or toward the entryway, his gaze was cast over his shoulder. Immediately, the grin she’d imagined on his face was replaced by the real thing… only for it to grow even brighter as they locked eyes.
Blaze couldn’t help but look away. Her toes and fingers curled as she, rather quickly, turned and made her way to the entryway. The princess caught herself just before she could shoulder check it, realising there was a fresh coat of paint on the entryway too. It seemed to take the hedgehog himself a second to notice this, but the moment he did the watering cans were rushed to the ground as he raced over. With a psychic tug, the door swung inwards, and Blaze was met with the rain-like sound of the pouring faucet.
As she stepped into the room, she couldn’t help but notice the worry creasing his face, “I-I’m sorry, were you waiting for me to get the door?”
Her eyes broke from his face to trail down his form, again being drawn to his suit and bowtie. Somehow, even now that she was fully dressed in her royal tailcoat and tights, he still made her feel underdressed. Silver’s scruffiness was quintessential, it wasn’t something she could verbally explain but there was a sort of balance to the hedgehog’s appearance. The soft cuteness of his fluffy appearance was contrasted by a certain inherent prettiness, both of which masked the underlying ruggedness of his lived experience. Dressed as he was now though, his softness was more misplaced while those the latter aspects was on full display.
“Not for long,” The stern tone of her voice was born of her own internal conflict, “Don’t worry about it.”
Ahead of her she saw the iron wrought chair glow cyan before being pulled out for her to sit, “Do you have a lot of time? I-I tried to make something you could eat on the go if you have to.”
She hesitated, still feeling the worry in his voice, “I have time, don’t worry Silver, but,” She held out the folders she was carrying, “I do have quite a lot of reading to do.”
“Oh, alright,” He quickly moved, making for the side of the table, “Then I’ll just present this and leave you to it.”
The absence of his smile promoted a different stirring in her chest.
“Silver, relax,” Blaze insisted, arriving at the table, “I know you want to fill this role, but try not to take it so seriously. You’re just helping me, this isn’t nearly as important as your other work,” As the princess sat she kept talking, both to keep him from ardently proclaiming anything and herself from getting cold feet, “Regardless of whether you want to say it is,” It was around then that she ran out of words, but she couldn’t help noticing his expression had softened, “Thank you for painting the gazebo, I didn’t think you’d go that far.”
“It’s no problem, it was easy,” He promised, but his eyes had drifted to the table, “A-And I know I’m overdoing it, I’m probably about to show that again, you just work so hard and…” Him smile had returned but there was something new in it, it was as if he was bursting with warmth, “I just really want to help you, in whatever ways I can now.”
With that, he raised the large metal dome, and her eyes were drawn to where it’d left. The hedgehog had prepared a spread of club sandwiches far larger than she could ever hope to eat; one row of tuna and cucumber, the next of ham and pickle, then a third of chicken and what looked to be avocado. Each row consisted of six triangular sandwiches, plainly derived from two full sandwiches each cut twice to create three smaller ones.
Immediately, Silver’s choice struck a chord with the feline. Coming from a destroyed world where it was sparse, the easy access to food her world offered had first spurred him to try everything and then take to the culinary arts himself. Through both of these pursuits, Blaze had a very clear understanding of Silver’s taste. His sweet tooth was most obvious, but the platter before her spoke volumes about the hedgehog’s intent.
First and foremost, Silver didn’t like pickles. The hedgehog didn’t like slimy food in general, that’s how he’d refer to it rather than her, but their salty-sour flavour seemed to especially put him off. That former issue however was also present with the tuna and cucumber sandwiches he’d prepared, he wasn’t a fan of wet bread especially. Coming from where he had, he was more than willing to eat these things of course... but his preference was easily read on his face.
He’d made these sandwiches specifically for her, not to share. He’d opted to give her variety, even though it went against his own taste. For anyone else such a conclusion could only be born from overthinking, but to Blaze it was as plain as day.
She was shaken from her thoughts by the sound of pouring, She’d been too distracted to notice the glass pitcher of pink lemonade set behind the spread, now being used to fill a tall glass with an almost childish yellow straw poking out of it. Within the jug, and somewhat spread to the glass, she could see lemons, cut strawberries and smatterings of raspberry floating alongside ice.
“Is there anything else you need?” Blaze’s mouth felt dry as he leaned over her. Clearly his new position’s mannerly traditions hadn’t granted him a sense of personal space.
She managed to shake her head and set an open folder down adjacent to the provided meal, “No, this is more than enough, thank you, Silver.”
“It’s really no problem, it was all fun to make,” He smiled through his voice, “I’ll try not to be too loud, I’ve only got a few more plants to water.”
“Don’t worry about it,” She insisted, mostly so that he didn’t overextend himself but also because she didn’t really need to read, “Just do what you can but don’t overwork, I can keep an eye on you now.”
“I’ll try,” He answered, a little more than half-heartedly, but he only made it two paces away, “Um, are you sure you want me to go back to work?
She turned in response, her eyes quickly dropped from his face to his waist. As had happened a few times before, through its flailing, her tail had found its way to curl around his waist. Immediately she grabbed the errant appendage, freeing the hedgehog from her accidental grapple.
“There,” She grumbled, “Sorry.”
“It seems to really like me lately,” He mused aloud, heading to physically pick up a watering can, “I wonder why…”
Blaze wasn’t about to answer that. Instead, the princess drew the glass close and put the straw to her mouth. She immediately recognised the flavour of pink lemonade, the mix of red fruits and lemon was obvious, but more than anything it was the sweetness that stood out to her. More specifically, it was how well balanced the sweetness was with flavour; it wasn’t as purely sugary as the drinks the hedgehog usually made. Silver would happily take six sugars in his tea, were it for himself the liquid would be closer to syrup than water… but it wasn’t for him. It was sweet and refreshing, neither aspect overpowered the other.
Again, Blaze felt warmth amass on her face as her thoughts ran rampant. While this was all lovely, he could have so easily prepared something closer to a neutral ground and shared all this with her. In fact, they’d done that before; sat in this very building during prior breaks between her meetings no less! Had he even eaten today? Between him getting up early to make her breakfast, preparing her lunch, painting the gazebo, tending plants and who knows what else... what time had he had left? The hedgehog might not have done anything especially difficult, but he had worked incredibly hard!
She drew up a tuna and cucumber sandwich, taking a bite as she pried her gaze from him. The freshness of the fish immediately caught her attention, but she tried not to overthink that. There was simply too much here, she stood no chance of eating it all, so immediately she spawned a plan. Of all he’d made, the chicken and avocado were likely the sandwich he’d like best so she’d aim to leave some of them behind.
Her gaze was forced to her binder’s pages as she ate, though the wall of words did little to halt her rampaging thoughts. That night, her tail had stayed coiled around his waist for much of the evening. It was only natural her subconsciousness would react to the similar circumstance, or so she told herself.
Mere minutes later, only two pages into her reading and two small sandwiches eaten, her gaze had already returned to him. Keeping to his word, rather than psychically tending the plants he’d taken hold of a single watering can and was filling it manually, turning the faucet off and on rather than letting it run. She’d made it halfway through a third sandwich, finding the avocado perfectly ripe, as he turned to water a growing dracaena tree.
Though she was uncomfortable wearing formal dresses, he’d taken to the suit without the slightest issue. Blaze supposed that made sense, he didn’t have the mental baggage associated with dressing up that she did, but did it have to suit him so well? Black clothes went well with his white fur, she’d recognised that when they’d first gone clothes shopping over six years ago, but she hadn’t anticipated the impact of tailored formal wear.
It was almost the opposite of his usual clothes, so neatly put together and buttoned up. It contrasted his usual loose-fitting jackets, t-shirts, and baggy jumpers. A wetsuit he’d once worn was the only thing that came remotely close, but (like the suit) that outfit came with its own flustering memories. The lack of exposed chest fur was especially an oddity, usually the hedgehog’s chosen garbs had a hole cut, a low neckline or simply didn’t cover his chest. Instead, the princess could make out the outline, even through his buttoned jacket, where the fabric was slightly stretched. In that formfitting way especially, the suit truly was like that wetsuit.
She drew her glass close for another sip, just in time for him to depart that plant and move to refill his watering pail. The way she’d been heartily throwing an objectifying gaze in his direction was bringing her stomach to churn. Blaze finished the sip and her current sandwich before locking her eyes on the page, trying to reabsorb details she already understood regarding changes to the local fire station.
Not three minutes later she’d already glanced up at him no fewer than four times. She gritted her teeth and curled her toes as she batted over the page, half-sighting a diagram of an expansion to the facility’s water tank and its various ports for refilling fire engines. None of this was her area of expertise, but that was what engineers and advisors were for. She’d listen intently to what they had to say and trust in their decision making, so long as there was nothing that stood out as unwarranted.
That meeting was set to be long, but it’d be followed by a short but relatively intense brainstorming session focused on treating Southern Island’s eastern shoreline for erosion. Her notes for it were already written, she was set to vehemently stress that whatever mitigation they selected should have a limited environmental impact and shouldn't disturb local businesses for an extended period... although again, it wasn’t her area of expertise. It wasn’t traditional defence, management of the otherworldly, or designating aid for her people; those were her speciality.
All in all, that meant she would be listening, asking questions and note taking but wouldn't bring a plan to the table. She knew she didn’t really have an excuse not to stare at him, she should have been talking with him in all honesty and being casual like normal, but she was certain that her blush wouldn’t allow for that. So, staring, as much as she hated to think it, was all she could truly manage. Another ham sandwich was slowly being eaten.
By now he’d moved to tend a large leafy fern, its name was lost on the guardian. His idea of what a butler did seemed to run the gambit from chef to groundskeeper to being a general servant, she’d have to ask what he’d read to prompt all this later. He’d always been good at following instructions, when she’d take the reins back in Crisis City he’d follow her commands without-
Before she could react, Silver glanced over his shoulder and they locked eyes. Blaze had no idea what had prompted him, whether he’d felt her gaze or it’d been a simple whim, but she was immediately met with his growing smile. Temperature spread across her shoulders and billowed up to heat her muzzle.
“Good job not getting any paint on yourself,” She quickly excused her staring, blankly glancing down to her open binder, “I assume you used your psychokinesis?”
“Oh, yeah!” He boisterously responded, “It was really easy; I just shaped the paint to fit the metal.”
That mental image was a little confusing. Had he shaped the paint like he could water, lined it up, and then applied it all at once? Or had he formed the paint into the shape of a paintbrush and applied the coat in a more traditional manner but from a distance?
“I see,” Was all she managed to respond, but she soon decided it wasn’t enough, “Between that and lunch, you’re really taking this butler thing seriously. You’ve perfectly fallen into the role…”
“I-I have?” His stutter magnetized her gaze back to him.
Despite the outfit, despite all he was doing, this was still Silver. He was still the naïve hedgehog he’d always been, overthinking yet underthinking and as easy to read as a fairy-tale. Praise had always been a weakness of his; regardless of his efforts, the hedgehog never expected it. That was something she could use, something she could take advantage of. He wore his emotions openly, that meant they were easy to toy with. If he was just as embarrassed as her, it would show far more clearly. If they were both in the same position, she’d get through today far more easily.
“Absolutely,” She gently hummed, attempting to play coy and subtle to gently build him up, “You said it yourself.”
“I did?” He half repeated, not catching her drift.
“You really are good at this, Silver,” She now more bluntly pressed, “From your powers to your interests, it all matches so perfectly. You’ve made wonderful food and performed impossibly well. No one else could even come close.”
His cheeks puffed pink as his smile grew more bashful still, when he tried to look away and return to his work it only served to reveal his beating tail. It was close to what she’d hoped for, but not the stumbling and stuttering mess that she’d caught glimpse of a little more than a handful of times. Pushing him to that point, from them being on equal footing to her being the more comfortable, would that make this all a different sort of enjoyable?
Blaze bit her lip, glancing back down to her papers just in time to avoid his eyes drifting to her from the chrysanthemum he’d been watering. Her thoughts were scattered and yet they all orbited a central concept. To get the most enjoyment out of his current state, she would have to fluster him more permanently.
Regardless of those thoughts though, feeling his stare was itself stoking Blaze’s own blushing. The feline flipped to the next page of her binder, but again the words were but a vacant wall before her. The presence of her own cursive handwriting however did provide some inspiration. After scanning the tabletop and patting her pockets, making sure her plan was solid, she looked across to the time traveller.
“Could you,” She hesitated for a moment but managed to steel her nerves, “Do something for me?” “Anything,” Excitement sparkled in his eyes as his gaze snapped back to her.
“There’s no need to be so dramatic,” She rolled her eyes, “I think I left my pen in the meeting room. Could you go and get it for-
“As you wish, I’ll be back with it in a moment, don’t worry,” He cut her off, not quite like any butler she’d ever read about, before psychically waving the door open and launching into flight.
Blaze couldn’t help but snort as the door slammed shut in his wake and he soon vanished from view. Any task he was given, no matter how minor, he’d put his whole heart into it. She could ask him anything short of carrying her back to the meeting room and he’d have done it enthusiastically, without even questioning it. A potential lay there, an opportunity she was still cautious about taking advantage of.
The guardian pulled a pocket watch from her robe; time had flown, she would need to return to the meeting room soon. After that though, after just two more meetings, she would be free to do as she pleased. They would be free to be together without the worry of work. Both options were foolish: to take advantage of this situation bordered on juvenile but to not would be such a waste.
She drew another ham and pickle sandwich to her lips, still thinking. Perhaps she wouldn’t feel so bad about it if she gave him a task he enjoyed? Maybe if it ended with some sort of reward for him, she could command him without hesitation or worry? They were set to have an evening all to themselves, a time which they’d usually while away in the library, the gardens, or her bedroom. But she was in charge today, she got to decide where they’d be and, more specifically, what he’d do.
A long sip of pink lemonade was claimed. Of course, she knew that this couldn’t go on forever. Not only would the hedgehog inevitably have to return to his world and continue his grander task, but also Blaze knew she couldn’t stand this becoming the norm. For a spell it might even be nice, but she valued Silver’s headlong capacity to act boldly where she would not. Having him wait after her and only do as she’d ask ran contrary to that want. If she could make the most out of this just once, if she pushed him as far as possible and thanked him, then hopefully he’d see that there was no score to settle. Ideally then, he could help her and receive her help without overthinking if he owed her something. Just what form would the big push take though? That question was proving difficult to answer.
She could make some extravagant request he could never complete, like for him to clean the entire palace, but he’d just stubbornly smash his head against the task until it broke, or he did. Neither of those outcomes were her goal. It had to be something light, something he would enjoy, but would lead him to realise that there wasn’t anything to make up for. That he just-
Blaze didn’t let the sound of the door flying open surprise her into turning. Instead, she kept her eyes fixed to her pages. She heard psychic whirring quickly rush to her side before, presented from behind, a pen found its way to land at her right side. The princess tried not to snort as she noticed he’d physically placed it, yet surely used his psychokinesis for every step beyond claiming it. She imagined he’d treated it like some sacred relic.
She looked back and up at him but only for a moment, “Thank you,” Again, he’d drawn much too close, the outline of his chest fur beneath the fancy garb almost entirely consumed her vision.
Wanting to make it look like his efforts weren’t for nought, she pointlessly underlined a section detailing how wooden struts could be used as a wave break.
“You’re more than welcome,” The impromptu butler happily responded.
He reached over, still stood behind her, and claimed the jug to start refilling her glass without so much as blinking. The hedgehog was getting good at this; suave wasn’t a term she’d use to describe him, but if this was the closest he’d ever been to it. It would be a shame when this all came to an end, but it was for the best. If she had too much fun with him, then adapting to when he was away would be impossible.
“Has today been busy like yesterday? You seem kind of distracted,” Of course he’d noticed.
“Not especially, I think I’m still just a little tired,” She half-lied, “I only have two more meetings.”
“Oh, really?” A relieved look crossed his features, “I was getting a little worried.”
“I’ll make it through,” She waved off his fussing, “You’re working much harder than me today.”
If his outfit was having such a strong effect on her, then would what she wore that night prompt a similar response from him? Though she owned a lot of formalwear, she’d kept that outfit in particular at the back of her closet; pressed and folded but as if it’d been forgotten. She couldn’t help but imagine how he’d react if she were to don it and surprise him. He’d be curious about the change, that much was certain, but would it fluster him? It’d draw the memories of her birthday night to the forefront of his mind, that much was a certainty.
As he began to walk away, heading toward his watering pail to resume his work, Blaze once again caught sight of his wagging tail. When her gaze reflectively dropped, this time to the platter of sandwiches rather than her notes, an idea jumped up at her. It met all her criteria, it wouldn’t take much work and he’d surely enjoy the work, but could she stand what she had in mind? It took her a few minutes of thought to settle, then five or six more to decide how she’d frame her ask. Surprise would likely increase the odds of her endeavour’s success.
“Remember this morning, I said I’d think up something for you to do?” She called across, opting not to look up quite yet, “Well, I’ve got something in mind,” She let those words hang in the air before, finally, meeting his eye, “Only if you feel up to it, of course.”
“I told you Blaze, I’ll help wherever I can,” He was beaming again, entirely oblivious to her machinations.
“Upon rereading my notes, I think my last meeting this evening is going to go a little longer than I anticipated,” She lied, “I wonder if, as my butler, you could provide dinner for me and a certain guest?”
“I absolutely could,” He quickly nodded, “Would it just be for you and the advisors?”
"Yes," Her toes curled, had she mentioned today’s meeting to him already? “Well, just one advisor. The others will surely depart but one is set to stay for a while longer.”
“Oh,” His inflection soaked up all her attention, did she detect disappointment? Had he himself come up with plans for tonight? “Do you have anything in mind you’d like?” With his hint of disappointment catching her off guard, Blaze struggled to think for a moment. How much did she wanted to manipulate the situation? It was important to strike a balance. He’d probably enjoy himself the most if he had free reign to cook as he pleased. Not only that but, by presenting him a choice, the hedgehog would likely spend much of his time in the kitchen and not overwork himself elsewhere. She could honestly foresee him making an afternoon of it, her leaving his options open leading him to produce something special for her and this mystery guest.
Allowing herself a small smirk, Blaze opted to give a simple response, “Surprise me.”
---
The trap had been laid; Blaze sat in wait. The royal meeting room was windowless and sparsely filled. A circular table, large enough to seat twelve, stood atop the lush mauve carpet of the room’s interior. At its centre an unlit three-pronged candelabra had been placed and stocked with fresh candles. A cork board hung on the left wall, littered with the remnants from meetings spanning several months back, but besides that feature the wall was bare. It was very fortunate that the lights had a dimmer function, the room’s lowlight state was lending to the ambiance that the feline had sought to create.
Blaze was sat with a book in hand, specifically one of the fables that had likely inspired his efforts today. It hadn’t proven difficult to find, he’d left a small pile in wake of his efforts yesterday. The phrase he’d been repeating with such seriousness, as you wish, came from a book that Blaze wasn’t certain the hedgehog had fully understood. The character who repeated the phrase was a stable hand, which she supposed wasn’t too far removed from being a butler, but the tome was plainly romantic. By the hedgehog’s own bookmark, which she had gifted him to stop his dog-earing, he hadn’t really reached the romantic highpoints that she’d skimmed to.
That book’s presence wasn’t her primary tool for teasing him however, neither was the room’s set up or the lack of mystery visitor. The princess had taken on the outfit she’d worn on her twentieth birthday. A dark red military style long coat (buttoned all the way down the left side) hid a cream shirt with ruffles at its sleeves and collar. Rather than her usual tights, mauve riding trousers and shin high black boots clothed her lower half.
To be frank Blaze hadn’t been the biggest fan of her present outfit, at least prior to her present understanding of its potential. The clothes she wore day to day, her royal robe and tights, perfectly walked the line between formal and practical. Her preference outside of them honestly bordered what the hedgehog himself typically wore, but she couldn’t be seen publicly in such garb and so she owned little herself.
Her current outfit was a little heavy, and a little too formal, but she had made peace with it for the time being. The look was intended for travel, it allowed modesty and decorum to be maintained while simultaneously not hindering her movements. It did seem though, based on the padding within the coat, it was intended for someone without her pyrokinetic capabilities. Either way, she’d accepted it rather than the elaborate dresses associated with stereotypical royalty.
The only remaining fixture of the room was an old grandfather clock, stood strong on the opposite side of the room and adjacent to the door. During the aftermath of her claim, she’d instructed him to bring the food at five thirty, knowing her meeting wouldn’t drag on past four. That time had only just arrived, Blaze knew he wouldn’t keep her and her non-existent mystery guest waiting.
A knock resounded against the door; she gave just a moment’s pause to check herself over and make sure everything was in place. Though the sound hadn’t quite caught her off-guard, her heart picked up the pace. A last-minute thought prompted her to quickly undo the top button of her jacket, hoping its looseness would somehow cool some of her flustered warmth.
“Enter,” She permitted aloud, raising the book to block her view of him.
While it would have been a delight to watch his surprised look evolve, leaving him to hang on his thoughts and break the silence was bring a slower and longer lasting enjoyment. She felt a wiry grin cross her lips as she heard some sort of cart push into the room before coming to a sudden halt, it was easy to imagine the confusion on his face. She heard him take another step, likely reaching the table, before pausing again.
“Hey, Blaze,” He greeted, his state of mind plain in his tone, “Is the guest away at the bathroom or something?”
“Guest?” She feigned confusion, “What guest?”
“The one you said would be staying late tonight,” He elaborated, questioning still in his tone.
“Oh, them. They decided to leave early,” She finally looked up from her book.
They locked eyes and, immediately, the princess could tell that her plan had worked. To say he looked flustered would be an understatement, pinkness capped his cheeks and his eyes quickly bolted for the trolly he’d brought in. Her gaze followed them and arrived at the frankly ludicrous amount he’d prepared. While she had anticipated that he’d go overboard, dishes were stacked on not one but two levels of the luggage trolly and what looked to be an ice box was accompanying them. Just how far had he gone? What all could even be in there?
“Oh, that’s a shame,” He managed to mumble, awkwardly shifting the trolly to avoid looking at her.
“It appears that they made a rather poor choice,” Blaze mused aloud, unable to keep all the surprise from her voice, “You’ve clearly done a lot of work Silver, I’m sure it’s all wonderful.”
His blush doubled its spread across his face in pursuit of his smile, in the room’s quiet she could hear his tail whacking against the back of his jacket, “Thank you.”
She could tell that he’d noticed her outfit, in the same way she was certain he’d recognised her reaction this morning. His eyes kept lingering on little things, like how her gaze had been drawn to his quills and the fabric obscuring his chest fur. The exposed frill just poking from her jacket sleeve, the open buttons along her left side and especially her hair being down were clearly holding his attention. That latter aspect was something she’d almost forgot from that night, that she’d attempted to balance the overly proper outfit with a slightly more casual hairstyle. In hindsight, it mirrored how his quills had been styled; he had been made fully formal, if such a thing was possible for Silver. She had attempted to avoid such a thing.
It was strange when considering their positions in life, but formality suited him better than it did her.
“Regardless of their absence, since you’ve gone to all this effort, I think I’ll still take dinner here,” As she made that decision verbally, she began to slip out of her jacket. The coat was only necessary to spark his memory of that day, now it would linger on in his mind, “Would you please set the table?”
He half bowed, fully returning his eyes to her, “As you wi-
He hesitated mid-sentence, eyes wide. It was clear that he’d finally noticed the book she’d been reading as she’d set it down, deciding to shift her garb.
“Is there a problem?” She coyly inquired as she slung the long coat over the back of her chair.
“No,” He plainly lied, “J-Just, um, I should probably talk you through all I’ve made. It’s a bit much for one person.”
His hands raised and cyan light overtook the weak warmth of the bulb hanging overhead. Immediately, a long white sheet billowed out from the cart before taking to the air like some sort of ghost. The candelabra, book and her binder rose from the wooden table only to return after the sheet slid between them and the wood. As she’d presumed, he had brought placemats and cutlery. Silverware, a metal placemat and a plate soon found its way before her but did not grace his side of the table.
After that however, one by one, a seven rectangular silver dishes with domed tops formed a collective near the table’s centre. It took one more wave of his hand to shift the lids from the plates, revealing a veritable smorgasbord of different foods. From right to left there was paella decorated with king prawns, crispy golden spring rolls, stir-fried noodles with beansprouts and green pepper, a cheddar and prosciutto quiche, steaming saffron risotto, clam and spinach linguini, and a pile of knotted garlic bread. A serving spoon found its way to each of the messier foods, while a knife made its way to the quiche and a set of tongs arrived beside the bread.
She’d been confident that she’d manage to avoid him to set her trap, that he’d end up spending most of his time in the kitchen, but it was now clear that he had been in the kitchen ever since she’d departed the gazebo. While it had been unclear if he’d eaten before lunch, Blaze was almost certain he wouldn’t have had time to pause while working on all of this. The thought that he’d go to this much effort for her, following what had been a relatively sudden and otherwise simple request, did prompt her heart to skip a beat. There wasn’t a ludicrous amount of food, each foodstuff was fairly portioned, but the effort he’d gone to by making so many individual dishes was clear.
“I realised I hadn’t really asked if the guest had any allergies or anything, and since you’d asked for a surprise I thought a small buffet would make sense?” He hurriedly explained, still seemingly reeling from noticing the book, “A-As in, you’d probably only expect one option but now there’s, um…”
He began to point things out, growing all the more flustered as he did, but his words fell on deaf ears. Blaze drank in the sight of him; he’d put himself together so well but now he was beginning to unravel at the seams. The pink on his cheeks was bordering on red; he looked like he might overheat any second and his, still fully buttoned, jacket certainly wasn’t helping. Silver was practically squirming as he explained, his gesticulations were even more over the top than usual and she couldn’t help drinking them all in. The hedgehog hadn’t noticed yet, but his psychic showings had caused one of his quills to slip free from their ponytail-snare to hang at the side of his muzzle. She was very tempted to demand his approach, just so that she could tuck it back into place, but the embarrassment in that effort’s aftermath would surely prove to be more than the guardian could handle.
To complete the set-up, a coaster and tall glass floated their way from the cart to land in front of her. As she came back to reality, she heard him ask, “I’ve got a few drinks too, some juices, water… wine? Do you want anything?”
“Wine? For a meeting? How scandalous,” She mock tutted and watched panic creep into his disposition, “Just water will be more than fine.”
“I just wanted to give the most options possible a-and it was one of the only things I could…” He further squirmed beneath her gaze, turning and opening the icebox to allow a large pitcher to float out, “As you wish.”
The jug floated through the air, angling itself to pour upon reaching the glass before settling near the table’s centre, “Thank you.”
“Don’t mention it,” He more gently smiled, “Is there anything I’ve forgotten? Anything else you want me to do?”
Was he really that oblivious to the current situation? Of course he wasn’t, Blaze could see it in his eyes; he was overthinking so much that he was hardly thinking at all. Of course he knew the seat opposite her was meant for him, but he still needed her command.
Blaze hesitated, faux contemplating whether there was. There was something so enjoyable about leaving him with his thoughts, hanging by the lone thread of anticipation. Everything she’d set up, from her initial order to her outfit to the state of this room hand been building to this moment. Her words and mind had been made up hours ago.
“Well, I can’t eat all that on my lonesome,” She stroked her chin, “Have you had dinner yet?”
“No,” She could see the gears spinning behind his eyes.
“And you’ll do whatever I say, won’t you?” She pushed.
“Y-Yes?” He squeaked, plainly knowing where she was going with this but not daring to bluntly act or ask as he usually would. By tonight’s end she'd hopefully have returned him to that prior state.
“Then join me,” The princess ordered her butler, gesturing the chair opposite, “I can’t leave you hungry after you went to all this effort.”
The hedgehog did hesitate, his stare dropping to the chair. She swore she could see sweat on his forehead, that his hands were shaking as he pulled the seat out and his gullet flexed as he heaved a swallow. If he hadn’t thought she’d set him up before, the psychic was plainly certain of it now and further trying to predict if she had any other traps laid out. Admittedly, she did have a few choice words in mind but nothing quite so extravagant as what was presently in place. Whether those smaller schemes would have a deeper, yet blunter, impact however was still to be seen.
“Set yourself up,” She smothered her grin, “Take whatever you’d like.”
The hedgehog reached over his shoulder, turning to psychically draw another set of dining equipment from the cart. Blaze knew fine well that he could have claimed the items without turning, but he was attempting to hide his flustered state. His tail was still beating back and forth, the crinkling of his ears stood out like a stone windmill atop a hill and there was no denying the tenseness in his shoulders.
As he arranged the space before him; Blaze reached across the table. With a simple flex of her fingers, one by one the candles between them were lit. The situation she’d orchestrated bordered on being stereotypically romantic, but it’d been the most apt parallel she could come up with that would both match the romanticism of her twentieth and keep him following her orders. So far, everything had gone exactly to plan.
Lightly, she waved her flaming fingers along the base of each dish he’d set out. A wreath of fire came to trace around the metal containers, guaranteeing they’d stay served at a warm temperature without expending too much of her power. She hadn’t exactly done that before, unlike lighting candles, but it’d been hanging in her mind since she was a child, seeing tea lights used to keep hot plates warm. That, and shows of her power tended to light a certain sparkle in his eye.
“What would you recommend starting with?” She asked, fully earnestly.
“Well, um,” He hesitated, going to tug at his chest fur (a common nervous habit of his) only to find clothes in the way, “I guess the garlic bread? The plan was to make a few main dishes, those being the pasta, paella, and quiche, with a few side options. I mostly made the garlic bread to be more of a snack, something light or to start or…” His tongue seemed to become tied for a moment, she almost thought he’d bit it, “I’m probably over explaining.”
“That outfit has made you dangerously self-aware. You’re doing wonderfully,” She joked then insisted, “Thank you for the recommendation, Silver.”
She took hold of the tongs and drew two of the knots onto her plate before passing them across to the hedgehog. Unfortunately, the gap between them was only just too wide, and so his powers were again used to extend his reach. As he claimed two pieces for himself, leaving one in the basket, the feline drew the gloves from her hands and balled them to sit atop her book. That seemed to catch the hedgehog’s eye, for whatever reason his blush seemed to further as he floated the cutlery back to her side and began to fumble with his own gloves.
“You’re looking a little hot, is something the matter?” Blaze asked, entirely aware of both her word choice and the origin of said heat.
“I think I just need a drink,” He managed to answer with a straight face, but again took the opportunity to fully turn away.
From the large icebox came another pitcher, this one filled with orange juice that looked to be freshly made, like the lemonade this morning. In the wake of its appearance, she did somewhat regret simply asking for water but there was always the opportunity to claim it later. Those thoughts didn’t hold her attention for long though as, while he took a long drink, a fresh thought flew into her mind.
“You know you can take your jacket off…” She couldn’t help but smirk as the next words fell from her lips, “I give you permission.”
In the wake of his stunned response, she drew up a piece of garlic bread and allowed her eyes to be drawn away from him. The taste was wonderful, the bread was perfectly crunchy and buttery, but it couldn’t hold her attention for long. A glance taken but a moment later revealed him to still be fumbling with his buttons. By the time she’d finished the savoury mass, he’d only just managed to remove his outerwear and reveal the white shirt beneath.
In shuffling to remove his though jacket, he seemed to have finally noticed the errant quill hanging at the side of his face and some chest fur poking through his shirt buttons. Blaze saw another opportunity, one that was slightly embarrassing but would perhaps push him just a little closer to being his usual self. That, and it should shift him closer to the midpoint between proper and casual state that she often attempted to embody.
“Make yourself comfortable, I insist,” She finished the piece bread only to catch his gaze flickering between her and his clothes, internally debating, “Whatever that takes.”
The hedgehog again hesitated at her offer, hand still on his stray quill, but quickly seemed to settle into what he wanted to do. The top buttons of his shirt were undone, allowing just a small amount of chest fur the freedom to breathe. Then he slipped loose the red ring that had been holding his ponytail in place. With a wave of his free hand, psychic energy blew his flattened fur back out and into its usual fluffy style. While seeing slight relaxation cross his muzzle did bring her joy, her eyes found themselves pulled to the red ring in his right hand.
“I’ve been meaning to ask, where did you get that?” Blaze asked, pointing to the hair-tie he’d just pulled loose.
“Oh, I was tidying up the library last night, practicing after I thought this whole butler thing up, and I found it under a couch,” He quickly explained, presenting Blaze with the humorous mental image of him tidying and practicing the anachronistic tendencies he’d been embodying on his lonesome. That was interrupted though as the hairband hovered to her side of the table, “I meant to give it back to you this morning but I kind of got caught up in the whirlwind of the whole thing and left it in the kitchen. When I went down, I had the idea to use it.”
“Well, it seems almost fated,” With a smile, she pushed the hovering object back toward him, “It suits you.”
“Thank you,” He grinned, plucking the accessory from the air, “You look really pretty today,” The hedgehog had been fast to return her compliment, but even quicker to realise what he’d said, “I-I mean, you do every day of course but that outfit just,” He continued to stammer, stuffing a piece of garlic bread into his mouth, “It’s the one from your twentieth, right? Why did you change into it?”
“Oh, I don’t know,” Even if he’d spoken with his mouth full, his unintentional flirting was just so endearing. She was stringing him along perfectly, “It just felt right.”
She let the silence that came in those words' wake linger, making short work of her second piece of garlic bread. With her plate cleared, she considered what to take next. All of it looked good of course, their combined aroma in their windowless room was truly mouth-watering, but lunch and breakfast today had already been more than she was used to. A little bit of everything seemed like it’d be too much, a blend of too many contrasting tastes and textures as well as honestly just too much food.
Ultimately, having pushed her plate toward the dishes, she opted to take his taste into account. While the hedgehog did eat meat, his preference likely lay in the spring rolls (though their exact contents were unknown) and stir-fried noodles. She opted to take a small portion of everything else: a cut of quiche, a dollop of risotto, and a larger portion of the linguini.
A forkful of the latter immediately proved her decision wise, the red sauce that coated the pasta and soft clam meat had a spicy kick to it. When he’d first taken up cooking he’d struggled to spice food, probably due to his own inability to handle the heat, but with time he’d managed to strike a balance. This pasta was perfectly embodied how far he’d come.
The saffron risotto was similar, it carried a slight kick that suited her pallet but went too far against his own. Again, this food was plainly for her rather than him, he’d plainly hoped that her guest would be able to eat some of the things he’d meant for her. Well, at least he’d made a few things close to his taste. The quiche too, though simpler in taste, was a grander feat of creation. Its pastry was perfectly right, the taste of cheese wasn’t overwhelming but didn’t hide beneath the egg and the pieces of parmesan, onion and tomato were perfectly sequestered throughout. Never too common but not too rare.
She’d made it a forkful through each aspect of her meal when he reached out to claim his own food. As she’d anticipated, he’d claimed a big pile of the noodles and most of the spring rolls but then he went on to cut a slice of the quiche. She'd known he'd claim a small mountain of food, but not all at once.
He made it a few bites in but redness still clung to his cheeks. She caught him throwing her stares before, finally, piping up again, “There never was a guest set to stay late, was there?”
She chewed and swallowed, taking the opportunity to think ahead, “What makes you think that?”
“W-Well, um,” He again went to tug at his chest fur only to meet with fabric, “Just,” He gestured to the candles, up to the light and then to the book at her side, “All this stuff?”
“What a devious theory,” She crooned, cutting a chunk from her slice of quiche, “Do you really think I’d lie to you?”
“N-No!” His nose wrinkled as she raised her brown, “Well, um, not about anything important?” His voice cracked but he doubled down, “You have before to tease me.”
“You think I’d set this all up to tease you?” She could tell by the growing redness of his face, the best he’d manage to answer was a wavering maybe. Before he could answer, she opted to cut him off, “This really is lovely. Did you really cook all this yourself?”
“Yes,” Her compliment furthered his bashfulness, she heard his tail strike the back of his chair, but he surprisingly fought on, “J-Just, you had time to change and find a candelabra. You even have that book, that means you at least had some time after they left. Right?”
She chewed and swallowed her forkful, pretending to be in deep thought, “Well, I didn’t have to look very far for this,” Blaze poked the book’s cover, “Someone had left it as part of a pile, near our usual spot. Its contents just so happens to match some of your recent activity quite closely,” The feline could feel the cunning in her smirk, “Right down to a certain phrase you’ve been using.”
“You got that far then…” He seemed a little surprised, “That means you did have a lot of time, right?”
“Well, I got further than a certain bookmark I found,” Blaze deflected, “I suppose its owner got a smidge too caught up in their own thoughts, must have slowed their reading.”
He grew even redder, his gaze collapsed to his plate, “Perhaps.”
“It is a nice book,” She moved her finger from it, returning to prime her fork with pasta, “But I think I prefer my Silver to that stable hand, if you catch my meaning,” He squirmed, but tried to obscure his emotions with a huge mouthful of spring roll, “Though, given the chastising he receives from a certain other character and your thought that I set this up as a trap, perhaps you see another parallel.”
He almost choked, so much so that he was forced to psychically reach for a napkin on his trolly, “I didn’t really think that much into it, I swear. I-I just saw how polite and helpful he was being, and with the other stuff I’d read it just sort of made sense? I just thought, you know, with my powers and the cooking and tending plants, it sort of made sense for me to fill that role. There was all just-
Blaze couldn’t help but laugh, he was speaking so fast, “You’re so naïve,” She tried hard to smother her outburst, “It’s fine Silver, but it’s like I said this morning. You don’t have to do all this.”
He smiled, albeit softly, as his overly expressive hands slipped back to his cutlery, but Blaze could see something lingering in his eyes. He was an over-thinker, he was a hammer with a thousand neurons firing behind its head but not one of them pushing it in the optimal direction to strike the nail. Silver was sweet and soft and genuine, but he hopelessly naïve.
For a while they ate in relative quiet, the ticking of the grandfather clock and her occasional thrown compliments kept the sound from fully vanishing though. Each and every morsel she ate was just so wonderful, the risotto especially kept pulling her in. There was something about the balance of it, how the smoothness of the sauce seemed to contrast yet compliment the kick of the saffron. The pasta was similar in its spice, the fishiness of the clam mingled so well with it to create a perfect duality.
She did go on to claim just one of the spring rolls, finding its filling to be entirely vegetable as she’d predicted but again the crunchiness of the casing so wonderfully matched the tender internals. Beansprouts, bamboo shoots, carrots, onions, lettuce, and mushrooms created a variable internal consistency when mixed with their sauce, but it still managed to contrast the exterior. Everything he’d prepared truly was wonderful, the thought that she could have eaten this with another and not thought of him the entire time was a fool’s dream.
But, despite all of her enjoyment, Blaze still found herself lingering on the hedgehog himself. Ever since she had reminded him that he didn’t actually have to do any of this, though he had been eating quite ravenously, his disposition had shifted. His ears weren’t quite as straight as they had been, his posture was slightly more hunched too. Despite his eating, she could tell that he was deep in thought.
Untimely, she broke the quiet, “What’s on your mind?”
“Did I mess up in doing all this?” He cautiously asked, only briefly looking up, “Was it all a stupid idea?”
“Well, everything you’ve made today has been wonderful,” She initially complimented, gauging him, “But I’d call it naïve rather than stupid, Silver. It’s been perfectly you, even if you’ve not embodied your usual self.”
“Right, but,” His right hand found his back quills, “Have you been okay with it? Did I go too far with things, did I make you uncomfortable?”
She could hear the concern in his voice, “Of course not, you mostly just surprised me. You didn’t do anything I thought was too extreme. You were just sweet, like you always are.”
For the millionth time in this sitting, a flushed look claimed his muzzle, “It just feels like I’ve overstepped, and maybe you’ve tried to show me that by doing all this,” He gestured to the lighting and the candelabra, “I was just trying to make up for all you’ve done here. Letting me stay here, the food, all the time we’ve shared, these clothes even,” The hedgehog seemed to run out of words, his gaze parted from hers, “It’s just a lot.”
She set down her fork and stood, granting the small amount of extra reach they’d need to hold hands. Almost instinctively, though he didn’t stand, the hedgehog reached out and their grasps met. The fingers of her right hand coiled around the portion of hand directly beneath his thumb and along his lower wrist. Immediately, gently, he returned that hold.
“I know it may feel like you’ve got something to make up for, but I’m telling you that you don’t. You are here as my companion, not some renter or even guest. You can do nice things, but don’t worry about some sort of non-existent balance of favours,” The princess insisted, squeezing his hand, “I don’t want a serf to order around, I just want you. I just want to be like this with you; free to be the me I’m not supposed to be otherwise. If I’m to be comfortable and free to be as I want, you should be the same,” Though he still looked bashful, he met her eyes, “As fun as it has been teasing and ordering you, I wouldn’t have things any other way.”
“So, I can do stuff like this for you,” He spoke his thoughts aloud, “Just, I shouldn’t for that reason?”
“You should do whatever you want to do,” She rolled her eyes at their shared over-seriousness, “But I won’t have you feeling like you owe me anything.”
He squeezed her hand, intensely meeting her stare, “Alright then, as you wish,” He immediately realised what he’d said, “I-I mean, I won’t do things as your butler or whatever. Just myself.”
With that, despite the trappings of the meeting room, things progressed far more normally. Even as they sat and ate, conversation scarcely left the air. They talked of the books he’d read yesterday to inspire the days antics, the pile of work that was awaiting the princess tomorrow and their friends in the other world. It wasn’t long though before the feline was full and soon after, though it took much more food, he matched her.
“Right, I’ll just take this back to the kitchen then,” He rose, beginning to psychically gather the goods and slinging his jacket over his shoulders, “I guess the leftovers will probably keep for tomorrow?”
“Silver,” Her serious tone caught him off guard, but he quickly seemed to understand, likely prompted by her punctuating his name by snuffing out the candles.
“I mean, we can take it back,” He awkwardly grinned, “Not just me.”
“That’s more like it,” The silliness of his expression prompted a matching one from her as she made her way over and took the cart by its handle.
He went for the door to open it for her, simultaneously casting his psychic power across the room and pulling her coat to fit around her shoulders. Following gentle thanks, she pushed on through, the hedgehog tailing behind her. It wasn’t long before they were walking side by side down the hallway, like a very bizarre set of parents pushing an overloaded pram.
Not long after, he used his psychic powers to push open a set of double doors. The kitchen was in a surprisingly clean state, the pots, pans, and trays he’d used were already loaded into one of the palace’s two overlarge dishwashers. With a combination of psychic will from him and manual labour from her, what food remained was packaged and the dirty dishes were being automatically cleaned.
In the aftermath of their cleaning efforts, Blaze’s eyes drifted one of the kitchen’s windows. Her first glance to the outside world in over six hours revealed it to be cast in the light of a summer sunset. As she looked away, she caught his eyes cast in that same direction. Without the red band to keep his quills together, and following his mild displays of psychic powers, his quills had truly returned to their upright, bed-headed, state. She hadn’t noticed until now, he’d gone from having the top buttons of his shirt undone to more than half of them and his bowtie had come to loosely hang at his neck.
To be honest, caught in the warm pink hue of the approaching night, he looked more like he had on the night of her twentieth than ever before. It wasn’t just the suit from that night which brought her heart to skip beats, but his expression in a tone painted by the sky and messiness born of their freedom. Gingerly, she sidled up beside him and raised herself to sit on the kitchen counter.
The noise brought his eyes racing to her, but they quickly fell to the floor. For as oblivious as he had proven himself to be, surely that much was a sign that he knew he was feeling something. That thought in itself however, did bring Blaze to look away from him.
“I-Is there anything else you want me to do, Blaze?” He asked, only to lock eyes with the incredulous stare she sent his way, “One last thing, just for today as in? Before we go back to normal.”
She hummed mockingly but genuinely considered his ask, “Is there?”
An idea did pop into her mind, one she’d had earlier that day. On one hand, it was more foolish and self-indulgent than anything else she’d asked for today. On the other, she’d thought of it specifically as a bridge he wouldn’t cross. Ideally, his stumbling here would end this foolish nonsense and they could go back to normal.
“Well, I suppose I do have one last request,” She pretended to yawn into her palm, “I am feeling rather tired after our meal. Would you mind carrying me up to my room?”
She’d meant it as a joke, a fact she was certain he’d hear in her tone, but the hedgehog sprang into action. Before she could blink, he’d stepped closer. One hand found her shoulders while the other slipped beneath her legs. In one swift movement she met cheek first with his soft yet unruly chest fur and the crumpled fabric of his shirt. In her usual outfit it would be embarrassing enough just being held in this style, but she softness of her ruffled shirt was so different from the usual thickness of her usual royal garb. If she’d been wearing her jacket properly it might have been manageable, but the strong touch of his fingers on the thin fabric was triggering all her synapses.
“S-Silver, I was joking,” She flustered, feeling her tail whip around as she looked up at him, “You don’t actually have to-
“W-Well,” He was redder now than ever, “Maybe I’m doing this because I decided I want to, not because you asked.”
The princess was stunned into silence, but the hedgehog refused to waver. Though his blush intensified in the wake of those words, and he was plainly sweating (likely due to a combination of embarrassment and the heat flagging from her) he pushed forward. She heard the whir of psychic powers, the spreading of a door, and soon it was the hallway rather than the kitchen framing his face.
It took them climbing halfway up the royal stairs, the hedgehog now refusing to use his powers and insistent on performing the act properly, for Blaze’s sense to catch up to her. Though they’d cleaned the meeting room of food and paraphernalia, the binder with all her notes for tomorrow had been abandoned alongside the book that'd inspired him. He wasn’t her butler anymore, her insisting he go down and get it would run contrary to what she’d just worked into him. That all meant she’d need to get up early and head down there to read up on the day’s work, it was lucky she’d had a little extra time to read while waiting for him.
A sigh slipped the guardian’s lips, that tiredness she’d lied about was now claiming her. Blaze allowed herself to nestle into the crook of his shoulder and shut her eyes, trying to build up energy for when they inevitably arrived at her bedroom. In her freshly drained state, her mind began to wander without being granted permission.
Today had been a strange day. From his initial arrival and gift of breakfast to him now carrying her back up to that room, the princess had experienced an endless string of high emotions from panic to embarrassment to excitement and glee. The fact of the matter was, whether he’d remained a butler or not, more of that was most certainly in her future.
#silvaze#Silver the Hedgehog#Blaze the Cat#sonic the hedgehog#Sonic Rush#Sonic 06#silverxblaze#sonic#fanfic
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love in every sip (1.9k) read on ao3 for the “coffee” square on my @tonystarkbingo flash card
Tony startled himself awake when he made a move to get into a more comfortable position on the tiny couch that was clearly not meant for sleeping on, which he certainly had a difficult time learning over the course of the years that the tiny couch had found its way to Tony’s workshop (with some help from Pepper, probably). He wasn’t sure whether he woke up in the millisecond that he was hovering in the air between the ridiculous couch and the ground or when he facepalmed into the floor, but awake he definitely was.
“Ow, shit.” He groaned, looking up vengefully at the stupid sofa. “J, as soon as you can, place an order for the biggest, comfiest couch you can find on the internet, thanks!” He gritted out through his teeth, hoping that the tiny couch felt insecure and unlovable.
“Right away, Sir.”
He looked up at the StarkPad displaying the time that he had perched on top of his coffee-table as a make-shift digital clock (whoever said he wasn’t one for interior design?). It was 9am, anyway, so he might as well be getting up now. That is if he was pretending to be a healthy functioning human being that didn’t spend the last 72 hours in his workshop and fell asleep 3 hours ago on this stupid, unlovable couch.
He made his way to the main kitchen, waving sleepily at the team that was lively bickering in the breakfast nook. Oh right, that’s what they looked like, other people. He thought it would be a good idea to brush his teeth before any silverware made contact with the inside of his mouth lest it immediately corroding.
After spending way too long sitting on the toilet because his body seemed to enjoy falling asleep in the most uncomfortable of places, he finally made his way back to the now-empty kitchen, where on the counter he found a steaming coffee in the Iron Man mug from the Avengers mugs set that Clint thought was the perfect $15 Christmas gift for the people that literally risked their lives by his side on day-by-day bases. Tony frowned, walking over to the island, unsure whether he blanked out and made coffee in the short interval of semi-wakefulness between sleeping in odd places. He spotted a napkin next to the mug, where a neat cursive looked back at him.
“Good morning, Tony. Please stop pulling all-nighters for three days straight,” it said.
Huh? Tony really only had the energy to ponder about when, by whom, and why the note was written and the coffee made for a total of ten seconds before his sleep and caffeine-deprived mind short-circuited and he gave in to the inviting aroma of the drink. And, well, whoever his barista in shining armor was unquestionably knew just how strong and sweet Tony liked his coffee (that being, real strong and real sweet).
☕.
He really didn’t expect it to become an ongoing thing. He didn’t expect that the next morning, upon walking into the kitchen (from his bedroom this time, thank fuck ) he would be met with the same Iron Man mug on the counter with another napkin neatly placed next to it, its edge tucked under the mug as if to make sure that the soft blow of air from the air conditioning wouldn’t blow it away, care written all over the scene.
“Good morning, sleepyhead. Glad you actually got some shuteye tonight, finally. Hope you have a good day.”
Tony read the note over a few times, twice in his head, and once under his breath, with a small smile that he didn’t notice was there until Steve, who was apparently in the pantry, called attention to it.
“Cheery this morning, huh?”
“Oh, uh,” Tony looked up from the napkin in his hand, trying to hold back the smile, “You tripped and fell in my dream, still laughing at it.” He lied, protectively wrapping his hands around the warm Iron Man mug.
Steve chuckled in response, putting down the box of Lucky Charms and reaching above the sink to grab himself a bowl.
“You want some cereal?” He asked, putting down a bowl in front of Tony without waiting for a response.
“So courteous of you, Cap,” Tony started filling his bowl with milk while Steve was pouring cereal into his, “And they say chivalry is dead.”
Steve made a face at him, probably about to give a schpiel about why would you pour the milk first, Tony?
“Why would you pour the milk first, Tony?” He said, handing Tony the Lucky Charms and taking the milk from his hands.
“Because I’m a certified genius, that’s why.” Tony winked, taking a sip from his coffee. Shit, so perfect again. “Hey, you wouldn’t happen to see who made this coffee, would you?” He asked tentatively, filling his bowl with cereal.
“Didn’t you make it?” Steve canted his head in confusion and brought the spoon to his lips.
“No, actually, I didn’t,” Tony took another sip of his coffee, “I wonder who did, though.” This time, as he looked down at the dyed marshmallows in his milk, he failed to notice both the involuntary smile he pressed into the rim of his Iron Man mug and the one Steve stifled around a mouthful of his cereal.
☕️.
The random coffee offerings in a particular Iron Man mug and a neat cursive turned regular from then on, and it was starting to become clear that his barista in shining armor was really more of a secret admirer expressing their affections through coffee beans.
The mugs waited for him at the counter almost every morning, the team off at a mission, the team just sitting down for breakfast, the team finishing up breakfast. The mugs were on a coaster on his desk when he fell asleep at it while working on a new design, while fixing an old design, while ignoring emails from some super important government officials. The mugs, for fucks sake, were sat on an old paperback next to the tiny couch that Tony continued to fall asleep on, even after the biggest, comfiest couch on the internet arrived.
“Good morning, hope you slept well. You look adorable with bedhead.”
“Heard you walking around late last night, I wish I could drive off all your nightmares with a broom.”
“Stop falling asleep at your desk, idiot, your neck will get stuck like that.”
“That couch looks like it’s not meant for sleeping on.”
Tony found himself growing more and more fond at every note, every word, every sip. He didn’t think that it was possible for him to look forward to his daily dose of caffeine more than he already did, but this new routine indisputably made him jittery with excitement every morning.
He started to watch the team closely, in an attempt to figure out their tells. Who saw me this morning with my bedhead? Who likes to broom? Who doesn’t like tiny uncomfortable couches?
But, alas, none of the notes had been specific enough to pinpoint someone or even narrow down the list, and Jarvis was refusing to give him any information on the grounds of some “No Stalking Protocol, Sir” bullshit.
That was, of course, until the afternoon that Nick Fury, somehow Tony’s saving grace in this mystery, called him up to his office. Tony plopped down on the chair in front of the desk, crossing his leg and taking a sip of his smoothie.
“You should really try this place from down the block someday, I hear they grow all their shit themselves.” He took another sip, the little to no remnants on the bottom of the cup loudly coming up the straw. “Ugh, to die for!”
“I’ll keep it in mind.” Nick rolled his eye, and Tony wondered whether The Nick Fury Eyeroll pre tragic eye loss accident was more or less puissant. “I need you to look over this report that Rogers submitted and discuss with the team whether or not every update that you insist on installing in their suits has really been necessary.” Nick handed him a transparent folder and Tony cringed at both the utmost ludicrous implication that advancement is not always necessary and at the prospect of paperwork. “It seems to me like on this particular mission they were more of a disruption rather than advantage.”
Tony flipped open the file and looked up at Nick through his eyelashes, taking one final loud sip of his Blueberry Mist smoothie.
“I’m sorry, did you just allude to that progress is not an essential part of human existence? My goodness, I did not know you to be such a conservative, Nick!” He clapped a hand over his heart, prompting another eyeroll. The eye patch, Tony thought, definitely made it more effective.
“Stop bullshitting me and just look over the report, Stark.” Tony chuckled and looked down at the paper, a neat cursive looking back at him.
“Uh,” He cleared his throat, flipping through the pages and staring at the way the letters braided into each other, just like on the napkins Tony read sweet nothings form every morning. He looked up at the top of the paper, where next to the printed “Name” it read in pretty, oh-so-pretty cursive, “Captain Steven Rogers.”
☕.
Steve woke up from a dull migraine that he had been nursing for the past week or so. He sighed, taking a large sip of the lukewarm water from the bottle he had discarded in his room a few days ago. Everyone was always talking about how important drinking water is nowadays, but Steve was never really a fan of health schticks anyway. As he made his way to the kitchen, he asked his own brain not for the first time this week why it wasn’t healed by the oh-so-magical properties of the oh-so-magical serum. A look at the digital clock in the elevator told him it was 7am on a Sunday, and he tried to remember what time it was last night when Tony excused himself to his bedroom from movie night, claiming that he was too exhausted for thrillers that evening.
Stepping into the kitchen, however, he was met with a sleepy Tony in an oversized gray Led Zepellin hoodie and plaid pajama pants, sitting Indian Style in the breakfast nook with an Iron Man mug in his hands, taking small sips from it and the smell of coffee traveling from the coffeemaker on the kitchen counter to Steve.
Oh. He felt the pang of disappointment in his chest at the realization that Tony woke up earlier than him. This week really didn’t like Steve much, did it?
“Good morning, sleepyhead,” Tony broke the silence and Steve felt some of the disappointment dissipating at the raspy sleep-deprived timbre of Tony’s voice, “I made coffee,” he nodded over to the island that Steve was standing in front of, “I hope you don’t mind.”
“Why would I ―” Steve cut himself off when his eyes landed on the Captain America mug from the Avengers mugs set that Clint thought was the perfect $15 Christmas gift for the people that literally risked their lives by his side on day-by-day bases. Steve felt his heart skip a beat and he held his breath as he reached out and pulled the mug towards him. Under it, of course, there was a napkin with a blocky print scribbled over it.
“You’re not as slick as you think you are, Mr. Rogers.
Busy tonight?”
#tony stark august flash bingo#tony stark bingo fill#karina writes#stony#stevetony#stony fic#stevetony fic#steve/tony#steve x tony#steve rogers#tony stark#mcu fanfiction#marvel
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More Inevitable Hot Takes- MTG Announcement Day edition
I only have myself to blame for this one. I forgot this was upcoming, and I went and blathered about dumb preview cards from most of a month ago anyway. Well, now I’ve got to spend two posts in one week talking about Magic cards. Woe is me?
Once a year, WoTC has a big day where they announce, like, everything for the next year’s releases. And with the picking up speed of set releases, there’s a lot there, and thereby I have a lot to talk about.
To be clear, I’ve deliberately avoided Magic Twitter and Magic Reddit for these announcements. Tis a silly pair of places.
Standard Sets 2022
In order:
Kamigawa Neon Dynasty is very concerning, as one of the people who’s a genuine big fan of the original Kamigawa block. The thing is, I like Kamigawa, with it’s spirits and artwork and samurai and the like. I like cyberpunk, with the aesthetic and the themes and the music. I’m not sure I’m going to like the two combined. We better see some fucking weird-ass spirits, and I’ll only be slightly annoyed if they’re cyber-ghosts or whatnot as long as they maintain that bomb-ass art design.
We have a new plane and a set to go with it, which is cool and nice. Urban Fantasy is a thing Ravnica already did, to be honest, but if I had to guess, Streets of New Capenna is going to be a much more low-fantasy, noir-y take on the genre. I think I saw something about Azra returning, which is cool. That one on the key art looks…very Ob Nixilis-y, though.
And then we’re going back to Dominaria and actually doing The Brother’s War, again? I think Urza block was about that arc, though the Dominaria United set might be like, before all that nonsense. They might have given details, I wouldn’t have seen them, I’m going based on someone’s TL;DR. I’m excited to finally have a Mishra card that isn’t the Time Spiral one, though I’m concerned about how they’re going to make an Urza and a Mishra that are both powerful enough for the iconic characters but not so powerful as to be dominant in the Standard they’ll be legal in.
So, so much Universes Beyond
I think the four Warhammer 40k precon decks is kind of exactly what I was hoping we were going to get for that particular crossover. Just enough to get fans happy and make some fun new cards, not enough that there’s a ridiculous influx of Tyranids into Magic’s annals. I’d be interested to see what regular Magic cards translate well into these decks, seeing as they’ll have to be 40k-ified.
I feel similarly about the Baldur’s gate Commander draft set. I remember fans of that particular D&D spinoff were frustrated with the lack of representation in AFR (I think Minsk was like the only thing they got), so now they have a whole set to work with. Ultimately, D&D is now already, and interminably a part of Magic’s multiverse, and more from those particular realms isn’t going to make anything super fucky. Also, Commander Legends was cool as hell, and this is going to be another one of those, so that’s a plus.
And…a Lord of the Rings set? Like, a full set? I’m assuming whatever got them 40K also got them rights to tabletop LOTR, seeing as Games Workshop has run the LOTR tabletop game for a while. Like with D&D, the medium-high fantasy of LOTR crosses over pretty well into Magic, so I’m not worried about that kind of cockup making things Feel Weird. I’m a little confused about the legality of the set, though, seeing as it’s in Arena, but not Standard legal, but it is Modern legal? What and why and what about Pioneer or Historic?
Secret Lairs
Few hits, few misses, though I remember seeing spoilers from a few that aren’t on this list. Presumably, the Art Series: Johannes Voss, Thomas M. Baxa, and Purrfection and Math is for Blockers were announced separately? Anyway.
Hits: The Kamigawa Ink cards look drop-dead gorgeous, holy shit. Add in the fact that I already play two of those cards and that the others are all cards I like? Might have to get that one. Math is for Blockers is a fun lineup though I don’t…really get the theme? Both Artist Series look incredible, though I’m not huge on the card lineups.
Misses: PURRFECTION would be great if it wasn’t apparently a convention exclusive and also if the art of cats were on cat cards. It’s cute as fuck, but eh. The old-format walkers are frustrating, but I’m not as against them as a lot of people are- like they’re ugly, but not worth throwing a fucking fit over. I weep for any new player staring one of these down, especially if they barely understand planeswalkers in the first place and/or haven’t seen one of these particular ones before. Also, the art is kinda just ugly.
And then there’s the Universes Beyond ones. Fortnite and Street Fighter, both with new cards that will eventually have regular versions (which leads me to wonder if TWD will do the same). There’s a clear attempt here to hit the zoomers and the boomers in the community, though the former probably won’t have the money to afford the Secret Lair if they’re burning all their cash on V-Bucks. It’s…not a great look? Like I’m not opposed to cartoony art styles (the Goblins Kaboom SL looked great!) but Fortnite’s in particular looks like dogshit in my eyes and I’m not looking forward to seeing it in a Magic frame. Street Fighter I’m more excited for, because I like Street Fighter, and because they confirmed Chun-Li is going to have multikicker which is kind of perfect. Obviously we’re going to have to see the cards, but in one case I’m dreading that, and in the other I’m welcoming it.
Other Cards
We have more Challenger Decks, for Pioneer this time. The decklists are already out, and they look pretty solid! The Challenger Decks have been pretty cool previously, a really solid set of lists that only needed a bit of tweaking to be FNM-viable, but they were held back by the fact that they were often released not long before rotation. With Pioneer being a non-rotating format, this is going to be great for getting people into the format.
Another Double Masters set is…egh. It’s another thing that’s not for me, I can’t afford to whale on that shit. With shipping and conversion those packs end up ludicrously expensive in Perth, and I’m pretty sure I only got to play with one the first time. Also, this one is going to have all the collectable nonsense of 2020/21 Magic, which is going to be A Lot.
And another Jumpstart. Eh. Don’t cock the shipping on this one up and it’ll probably be okay.
Commander Collection Black is here, and the list is already out. The Green one ended up way overpriced, but at least in this case the cards are all super playable. Actually, they were for Green too, I think, but hey there’s a Deluge reprint and a flip Lilli, so. I kinda miss the Signature Spellbook series already, though.
Finally, Unfinity. Another Un-Set. Unstable was a fucking incredible set, both on a comedic level and as one of the sickest draft formats in a long time, so I’m excited to see that one followed up. On the other hand, Unsanctioned kind of landed with a dull thud. Apparently though, they got some of the folks from LRR (among others) to help write names and flavour text for this set, and I love those guys to death, so I can at least guarantee the comedy element will be present for this one.
Other stuff?
Well we have a date for the Netflix series. I have a hard time believing it’s actually happening. When I first started playing was around when rumours and announcements were still happening regarding a full-on movie, and that basically didn’t go anywhere. So it’s a little surprising to have a solid, actual time frame for Magic Story Content in Video Form. I haven’t kept with the story for a fair bit at this point (since Dominaria, tbh), so I’ve got no idea if it’s been any good, and as to whether this will be any good. Considering apparently Gideon’s in the lead, my hopes aren’t huge.
The only other thing is Pins. I like Pins. I have a bunch of them on my bag. I would like to get more Magic pins. So this is good.
And that, I think, is the sum total of it. These announcements always end up with a combination of excitement, trepidation, and dread, but I think this is leading more on the positive end of that spectrum. There’s still way too many fucking sets, but I think that is largely at Hasbro’s feet. The money machine must keep churning, after all. Maybe someday Magic and WoTC as a whole will be able to unshackle themselves from that particular constraint, but I am not holding my breath.
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REVIEWING THE CHARTS: 08/05/2021 (Billie Eilish, DJ Khaled)
Whilst this is slightly busier than last week, I am genuinely surprised with how little is actually going on here on this week’s chart, a lot less than I expected or predicted. With that said, the top of the chart is where our biggest story comes from and that is “Body” by Russ Millions and Tion Wayne taking advantage of a weak chart with its star-studded remix and peaking at #1 for its first week, replacing Lil Nas X’s “MONTERO (Call Me by Your Name)”. Not only is it the biggest hit for both of these guys and their first #1s, but it’s the first #1 for the entire UK drill genre, which kind of came out of nowhere for me since I think the song’s pretty worthless but with a TikTok challenge and streaming numbers that have even placed it in the American Spotify chart, it’s gearing up to be one of the biggest British rap songs ever. Let’s hope maybe this one doesn’t stall out as badly as “Don’t Rush” outside of the UK. With all that out of the way, let’s start REVIEWING THE CHARTS.
Rundown
Our only new arrival from last week’s UK Top 75 (which is what I cover), “Come Through” by H.E.R. featuring Chris Brown, is gone on the next off of the debut. Well, at least we have more than one new song this week, as well as some interesting chart nonsense lower down, but also some notable drop-outs for “Mr. Perfectly Fine” by Taylor Swift, “Mercury” by Dave and Kamal., “Lemon Pepper Freestyle” by Drake featuring Rick Ross, “All You Ever Wanted” by Rag’n’Bone Man (which will rebound next week as that album makes its impact) as well as “Watermelon Sugar” by Harry Styles finally making what seems to be its last exit. Our only return is in the form of “Confetti” by Little Mix getting a massive surge back at #15 after its Saweetie remix and the attached music video, though Saweetie doesn’t happen to be credited here.
We do have an interesting selection of gains and losses, as with the notable fallers – dropping five spots or more down the chart – we have “Titanium” by Dave at #23, “Wellerman” by Nathan Evans and remixed by 220 KID and Billen Ted getting ACR’d down to #29 (it had a surprisingly great run), “The Business” by Tiesto having the same happen to it at #32, “We’re Good” by Dua Lipa at #40, “drivers license” by Olivia Rodrigo at #43, “Blinding Lights” by the Weeknd at #45, “Don’t Play” by Anne-Marie, KSI and Digital Farm Animals at #51, “Calling My Phone” by Lil Tjay and 6LACK hit hard to #54, the same with “Up” by Cardi B at #59, “You” by Regard, Troye Sivan and Tate McRae shaking off the gains #63, “Get Out My Head” by Shane Codd at #60, “Heat” by Paul Woolford and Amber Mark at #66, “Solid” by Young Stoner Life, Young Thug and Gunna featuring Drake at #69, “Paradise” by MERDUZA and Dermot Kennedy at #71 and, sadly, “How Does it Feel” by London Grammar at #75.
Where it gets a bit more telling about how the charts are going to adapt into the Summer is in our climbers as we have solid gains for “Another Love” by Tom Odell making another run at #60, “Sunshine (The Light)” by Fat Joe, DJ Khaled and Amorphous inexplicably at #57 and now we get into the top 40 where we have more potential future hits. “Way Too Long” by Nathan Dawe, Anne-Marie and MoStack is at #38, “Don’t You Worry About Me” brings the Bad Boy Chiller Crew their first hit at #37 (although the song is only ever worth hearing for that chorus) and “WITHOUT YOU” by the Kid LAROI returns to the top 40 at #30 thanks to a remix with Miley Cyrus who is again not credited by the Official Charts Company. Boney M. are granted their first new top 20 hit since the 1990s, even if it is just a remix of a song that went #2 in 1978, as Majestic’s remix of “Rasputin” is at #18. Our final gain is for a song first entering the top 10 thanks to the remix with Ariana Grande finally making an impact – yet once again not given the official credit by the OCC – as “Save Your Tears” by the Weeknd makes its way up to #8, becoming his tenth top 10 hit here in Britain. That’s not the only song to first enter the top 10 this week but we’ll get to that in due time with our... odd selection of new arrivals this week.
NEW ARRIVALS
#73 – “EVERY CHANCE I GET” – DJ Khaled featuring Lil Baby and Lil Durk
Produced by DJ Khaled and Tay Keith
Two of our new entries are from DJ Khaled’s most recent album Khaled Khaled, an album much like any Khaled album I found cheap and just dull. This record especially is just mixed horribly, with a budget spent exceedingly on getting big-name features instead of any worthwhile engineers to actually mix and master this 50-minute trainwreck. The album doesn’t have many highlights at all but if I had to choose some they would be the two debuting this week, the first of which is basically a Lil Baby cut, “EVERY CHANCE I GET”, with a verse from Lil Durk. Okay, so, yes, first of all, much like the rest of the record, this mix is compressed and just weak, with bizarre bass mastering and drums that sound like garbage, before we get to Lil Baby himself sounding even froggier than ever. I do think that gives the song part of its charm, though, as with a Tay Keith beat, it’s definitely going for a hardcore, old-school Memphis rap atmosphere, and with Lil Baby’s flow switches disguising paranoid lyrics about the typical gunplay and flexing, it does effectively make a pretty intimidating listen... okay, well, it would, if DJ Khaled didn’t have to pop in to convince Lil Baby to “keep going”. We also get a single verse from Lil Durk here, mixed like he recorded his vocals in his bath to the point where it’s clipping against the bass, but delivering a King Von-esque flow that sounds pretty great, and admittedly more detail than you’d expect. I also love that silly “mmm-mmm” flow he uses at the end. I do wish a song like this, clearly supposed to be menacing, did not have the ludicrous personality void that is DJ Khaled on it, and it’s not like they need Khaled to collaborate together – or with Tay Keith for that matter – so I don’t really see why the dude doesn’t just shut up and promote his albums as compilations instead. I understand it comes from his mixtape days, but if this is going to be a studio album, treat it like one and just be quiet for once.
#72 – “Oblivion” – Royal Blood
Produced by Royal Blood
Royal Blood got the #1 album this week for Typhoons and admittedly, whilst I am interested in this band, I haven’t gotten around to listening to it, so I’ll take this album cut as a preview of what to come. If I am doing that, I hope to be surprised by whatever else that album has in store as I’m not really a fan of this. That eerie choppy guitar loop being immediately crushed by this heavily distorted riff and stiff percussion just does not sound unique or interesting, especially if Mike Kerr is going to sound this soulless. The build towards the chorus feels pretty pathetic and unwarranted, and said chorus is just not catchy, before we get to content about how he knows his fate through how arrogant he’s been and he deserves what’s coming to him. I mean, sure, but there’s nothing that makes it obvious that these guys don’t care about what’s coming to them given the pained vocal delivery and monotonous instrumental. It doesn’t feel exciting, rebellious or whatever emotion this tries and fails to capture, just stiff and staggered in its execution. This does make sense for Royal Blood but seems to me like they’re resting way too heavily on ideas ran through the soil at this point. With all that said, this isn’t bad at all, just not as great as those other singles have been from the record. I think I’d be more forgiving if it didn’t come off as a Queens of the Stone Age tribute act writing “originals” that bomb at their shows.
#56 – “love race” – Machine Gun Kelly featuring Kellin Quinn
Produced by Jeff Peters, Jared Gudstadt and Travis Barker
I guess this might actually be a rock-heavy week – not that I’m complaining about more of a rock presence on the chart but God, I wish it wasn’t coming from MGK. I’ll have some choice words to say about this guy’s last attempt at a pop-rock hit by the end of the year, probably, but at least for this song he brought on someone with some kind of legitimacy. Kellin Quinn is the frontman of post-hardcore band Sleeping with Sirens, one of the most successful bands in their genre but not one unlike others that grew out of the metalcore-infused pop rock to anything more unique or experimental. With that said, Quinn is barely here and other than Travis Barker’s typical explosive drums, MGK is the biggest presence here in his raspy but borderline unlistenable vocal tone that I just can’t stand, especially if it’s going to stretch out “run” as long and as far as he did in that longing, desperate chorus. MGK barely even lets Kellin Quinn have his own verse, registering him as backing vocals throughout the entire song, dampening his vocals that sound a lot more unique and enthused, especially when he starts screaming. That bridge did give me trancecore flashbacks – not that I’m complaining if I’m fully honest – so I’ll admit the part of me that eats up emo-pop garbage did let this grow on me a bit, but, man, without a guitar solo to distract from pretty awful lyrics (not that I’d expect much more from this artist or genre) and without really letting Quinn loose on the vocals, it’s lacking a certain grit and punch I expect from post-hardcore. The song did, however, indirectly remind me of New Found Glory, for which I am thankful for.
#53 – “I DID IT” – DJ Khaled featuring Post Malone, Megan Thee Stallion, Lil Baby and DaBaby
Produced by Ben Billions, Joe Zarrillo, DJ 360, Tay Keith and DJ Khaled
You wouldn’t expect an artist line-up like this to continue this trend of rock in this week’s new arrivals, but you’d be surprised, and personally I’m pretty happy with how much rock seems to be creeping up back into the public consciousness as if there’s one thing I got back in touch with the most over lockdown, it was the rock music I was raised on and it led to me even further appreciating a genre I had kind of lost touch with over the years out of just a lack of interest. With that said, this isn’t a rock song per se, but it does heavily and lazily sample a classic like much of this Khaled album, going for “Layla” by Derek and the Dominos. I’m not going to lie, either, it sets up a pretty effective back-bone for a trap banger about being awesome, especially with those squealing riffs in the chorus. Oh, yeah, and the mixing is horrible as expected, but to be honest to me it does not dampen the boasting, anthemic nature of this track, especially with Post Malone being a perfect choice to croon that infectious chorus. Megan Thee Stallion has a pretty embarrassingly by-the-numbers verse over a switch in the beat that makes it sound oddly stunted, but she does have that swinging rock charisma that people like Lil Baby do not have. With that said, I think I’m at the point where I eat anything Lil Baby says or does, because the flow switches combined with his frog-throat delivery is just impeccable. Content-wise, I think everyone here realises they’re being squashed by the clipping beat as they just go off about complete nonsense that goes in one ear and out the other apart from Lil Baby’s misguided but still pretty funny line about how he contemplated going vegan but sees no point in it because he’s got ten karats in both of his ears. Sure. At least DJ Khaled as something to do as he... harmonises, I guess, with Posty on the chorus. DaBaby is as distant as possible from the microphone to the point where I can barely hear him, not that it matters when his verse is that basic and short. This is kind of a trainwreck in all honesty, but with four choruses and a beat this heavy, it’s hard to be annoyed by it. Overwhelming maybe but these performers are all characters by themselves and throwing them in this three-minute chaos of squealing guitars and trap skitters just fascinates me if anything. Does it count as a posse cut? I don’t know. Either way, this is hilarious.
#5 – “Your Power” – Billie Eilish
Produced by FINNEAS
Decidedly not hilarious is this new single from Billie Eilish looking to be a smash from that upcoming album which now has a track listing and release date, with this functioning as I suppose the true lead single and her seventh top 10 here in the UK. It’s a brave choice too considering the lyrical content which is a pretty scathing attack on her ex-boyfriend and their abusive relationship, making several references to the gap in age and power dynamic that played into something really distressing for the both of them but especially a young, vulnerable Billie Eilish who found herself helpless in this relationship because of that “hero” quickly revealing himself as little more than his projected insecurities. The song’s detailed enough not to detach itself from Billie’s personal struggles but also works as what I suppose is a warning, as it’s retelling a story all too familiar with many girls of her age at the time who end up in these really scary situations. It does help that the song itself is great, relying on these layered acoustic guitars to form some kind of dejected groove behind Eilish’s vocals, whispery and cooing as always but in this case way too loud in the mix for my taste to the point where it kind of takes me out of the song as a whole. With a better master that blends her vocal take a lot better into the guitars, maybe going for a fuzzier, dream-pop angle, could work a lot better but with that said, I do understand the purpose of making it feel this intimate and minimal because Billie’s honest songwriting calls for a delivery like this, even if she ends up sounding shakier or even mumbling at times as a result. This is a big debut for Billie for a song not prepared to do as well as it did given its content and sound that is not exactly radio-friendly and oftentimes requires more heavy of a listen than a pop song would otherwise. I do love that final outro as her humming careens off the gentle guitars with just enough scratch but I do question how abrupt the ending is. Hopefully when the album’s out, we’ll have a bigger picture to as where this single in particular fits in.
Conclusion
With only five new arrivals and not much in the way of anything bad, I guess Worst of the Week goes to “Oblivion” by Royal Blood but giving a Dishonourable Mention would just end up as dishonest. Therefore, Best of the Week goes to Billie Eilish for “Your Power” but – and I cannot believe I am saying this for a 3/10 album with only fluke hits – but DJ Khaled – and Lil Baby for that matter – get a tied Honourable Mention for both of their songs, “EVERY CHANCE THAT I GET” with Lil Durk and “I DID IT” with Post Malone, Megan Thee Stallion and DaBaby. Now to distract from the fact I just did that, here’s this week’s top 10:
I can’t really make any healthy predictions for next week. Maybe we’ll get some songs from Lil Tecca, Rag’n’Bone Man or Bebe Rexha? Maybe we’ll end up with some fluke Weezer smash hit, who knows? Regardless, thank you for reading and I’ll see you next week.
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ACITW AU one-shot “Downward Facing Doubts” (Rated M)
Summary: Kurt convinces Sebastian to join him, Olivia, Julian, and Cooper in a yoga class. 'Bribe' is actually the more accurate term. But whereas the endorphins released during exercise usually make people feel good, this time, they bring all sorts of doubts to the surface. (3760 words)
Notes: Takes place some time after 'Under the Fireworks' and references 'I Was Praying for You and Me'.
Part of ACITW AU extended verse
Read on AO3.
“Extend your arms out to your sides, then raise them over your head …” Yogi Cecile instructs, her soothing alto voice threading through the airy music playing over circular speakers scattered in Feng Shui formation throughout the studio. “Bend your back gently into a crescent moon …”
Sebastian breathes in sharply as he attempts the move, his shoulders quaking involuntarily as he tries to deepen the stretch. He finds his balance point, quite by surprise, then fights to hold it, difficult since his focus keeps drifting, his eyes darting to the side to check out the competition. He scowls, not thrilled at being one-upped by Julian who, infuriatingly, performs the move like an expert. But of course he would, Sebastian thinks with a bitter roll of his eyes, one that gives him a major headache with his head pulled back. Didn’t he claim that he attended some month-long yoga retreat in the High Desert for the sole purpose of fellating himself?
Even if Sebastian is a bit fuzzy on the particulars, his head swimming with a mixture of dizziness and pain that’s one more deep breath away from making him puke, that definitely sounds like the kind of thing Julian would do.
Olivia and Kurt, lined up to Sebastian’s right, switch from pose to pose without breaks, extending their arms and bending their backs as if standing on one leg and staring horizontally up at the pale pink ceiling were the normal position for, say, grabbing a coffee or looking at shoes. At least Sebastian isn’t faring the worst in their group. No, that honor goes to Cooper. Capping off their row to the far left of Julian, Cooper starts losing his balance, teetering forward dangerously towards a handful of innocent strangers unaware of the 180 pound man on the brink of bowling towards them.
“How …?” Sebastian starts, talking on the crest of an inhaled breath he’s running out of as he contorts into another ludicrous pose.
“Did you let me talk you into joining a yoga class?” Kurt finishes, sliding smoothly from a crescent moon into the next forward bend. “That’s easy. You’ll do anything for a blow---”
Olivia clears her throat loudly when she spots their instructor heading their way, eyes originally glued to Sebastian’s crooked posture but hopping to Kurt’s smug grin when the word ‘blow’ sneaks past his lips.
“Straighten your spine … lean forward … brace your hands on the mat in front of you … and extend one leg back to a half downward dog.” Cecile circles their quintet twice and Kurt thinks she’s about to scold them. They haven’t been properly engaged since the start of class. But then she hurries off to help another young lady square her hips.
“I refuse to believe that I’m that simple-minded,” Sebastian grouses, working on stabilizing his own hips before he extends his leg. He dips to the side but manages to catch himself. Cooper isn’t quite as lucky, careening forward like a downed Cessna and smacking the bridge of his nose on his cork yoga block. He drops to his knees, shaking his head to clear the stars out from behind his eyes. Julian falls out of formation to give him a hand up and helps him restore his stance.
“Well, I promised you that bj for after this class and you’re still here,” Kurt says, lips curling into the shadow of a smirk. “You draw your own conclusions.”
“You draw your own conclusions …” Sebastian mimics. He wobbles once. Then twice. He sucks in his stomach to save himself without locking his knees (since Cecile told them at the start of class that locking their knees was bad). But his foot rolls and he’s forced to put the other down to support himself. He tries again … and again … but Sebastian doesn’t successfully execute the move before they’re changing positions.
Kurt rotates up on one leg and transitions into a picture perfect tree pose. He opens an eyelid and peeks at Sebastian, taking in a deep breath through his nose and schooling his face into a mask of meditation so he doesn’t laugh out loud and disrupt the class more than Sebastian’s fumbling through the stances already has.
“Maybe it’s because … mmph … I’m so tall … grrr … that I’m not getting it,” Sebastian offers, stuttering upright in stages, ending in a slumped, unsteady tree.
Kurt turns his head left and looks at Sebastian directly beside him, meeting him eye-to-eye. He arches an eyebrow.
Sebastian pulls an undignified face.
“Sometimes …” their yoga instructor says as she makes the rounds, correcting the posture of the needier students. She has already been to help Sebastian five times during this one-hour lesson, and Cooper too many times for Kurt to count. She flashes Julian an impressed smile and a nod. He winks at her in response “… it is not the balance outside that is needed, but inside.” She puts a hand to Sebastian’s back and one to his stomach, pushing together to force him straight. “The anxiety in your life, the stress, the regrets of your past - they settle in your core.” She pats Sebastian on the stomach. Removing her hand causes his belly to stick back out a hair, and he sways dangerously in Kurt’s direction. Cecile shakes her head and sets Sebastian straight again. “Negative influences roll around and throw you out-of-whack. But yoga and meditation will set you right again.” She stands back and appraises the two men standing side by side, so similar in appearance but obviously a couple with the way they’ve been playfully bickering, and gives them a smile. Then she continues on her way.
“Doesn’t that sound familiar?” Kurt says with a fond grin.
“Yeah.” Sebastian grunts. “Why is it we’re forever getting life advice from graduates of The Learning Annex?”
Both Kurt and Olivia scoff.
“Not that there’s anything wrong with The Learning Annex, but I will have you know that Cecile is an expert in her field!” Olivia says.
“An expert in standing on one foot and stretching her arms over her head? Excuse me if I’m not all that impressed.”
“You should be,” Julian intervenes. “You can’t do it.”
“Maybe I don’t want to do it!”
“Boys, boys,” Olivia whispers when heads turn their way. “Let’s keep it down to a dull roar, please. And remember to breathe.”
“You’re absolutely right,” Kurt says, making a big show of following her lead, breathing in through his nose and then out through his mouth. “We’re here to meditate. Relax. Realign our chakras.”
“Someone’s going to have to realign poor Cooper’s spine by the time we’re done,” Olivia remarks, a giggle hidden in her voice. With Kurt’s eyelids shut and Cooper two whole people away, Kurt doesn’t see what the man is doing, but immediately after Olivia’s comment, he hears Cooper apologize profusely.
“I’m sorry, ma’am. I’m so sorry. I really … yes, sir. I’m sorry. Oh, r-really? That’s very kind of you. Slash savings, yup. I can sign that for you, if you’d like …”
Kurt bites his tongue behind his teeth. Good old Cooper, still able to get some mileage out of that FreeCreditRatingToday gig.
It’s nice to know some things never change.
“For your information, I regret nothing,” Sebastian whisper-hisses after a pause, his body cramping as he tries to maintain his corrected tree pose.
Kurt sighs.
Yup. Some things never change. And some things rise up from the grave from time to time to haunt you, like Hamlet’s father, only with swoopier bangs, wearing basketball shorts and a Tommy Hilfiger v-neck.
“Ah, you protest too much, Sebby,” Julian murmurs, remaining purposefully vague as this is definitely not the time nor place to drudge up old angst. He leaves things there, snapping back into an impeccable tree pose after helping Coop up off the floor again.
“Besides …” Sebastian side-steps his brother to finish making his point “… if that’s the case, then you should mondo-suck at this, Kurt! I mean, let’s take a look at your past, shall we? The year of tragic style choices, dating Blaine, choosing New Directions and that lame ass public school over Dalton and the Warblers … whoa!” Sebastian drops his hip and his shoulder during his rant, causing him to rock to the outside edge of his foot. He barely keeps himself from twisting an ankle and going straight down. “Your life must be chock full of regrets!”
“Uh … let’s not forget that one of those past life decisions was agreeing to date you, little brother,” Julian steps in, jumping swiftly to Kurt’s defense.
Sebastian may have retorted with something along the lines of, “That’s the only intelligent decision he made,” but Kurt doesn’t know for certain. He shuts up like a clam - locks his teeth together and blocks Sebastian and his infernal whining out. He inhales long and zeroes in on the music - the gentle plucking of strings, the tinkling of bells, the flutes holding sustained notes, giving the class an anchor with which to control their breathing. There he remains, floating in the cradle of dark behind his eyelids. A bigger man rises above petty retorts, Kurt can hear his father say, concentrating on repairing his own withering tree pose. He simply needs to be the bigger man.
If he reacts thoughtlessly, does something rash, he might regret it.
Sebastian is simply having a bad day.
They don’t have days like this very often. This is just … well, one of those days. And Kurt is willing to let it go, let it pass like the rhythmic breaths through his lips. But Sebastian broke a cardinal rule.
He mentioned Blaine, which they both swore on the threat of blue balls that neither one of them would do. Especially in anger.
Kurt can only assume Sebastian is uncomfortable here. Sebastian doesn’t like not being the best at everything from go, which is probably why he’s bearing claws and teeth right now. It reminds Kurt of their days taking dance lessons - the two of them butting heads, fighting to lead when it didn’t really need to be one or the other.
It could have been both, paving a single fluid path had they come to a consensus from the start.
But here, they stand on their own two feet - or one foot at the moment, with their hands above their heads. They sink or swim on their own. Cecile calling Sebastian out more than likely didn’t help matters any. No one likes to be the center of attention when they’re flailing. Kurt feels guilty about that, that he’s not closer to Sebastian, reaching out a hand to help him the way Julian is for Cooper.
Kurt opens an eyelid and peeks over. He sees Sebastian, the man he loves, struggling, fighting to regain balance. A balance that Kurt has in spades. A balance that Kurt would be more than willing to help him with, lend him some of.
Suddenly, Sebastian mutters something uncomplimentary under his breath, and Kurt feels less than willing.
He actually considers reaching over and giving Sebastian a push. One swat would send him toppling backward. Kurt has seen Sebastian fall on his ass plenty.
It would be hilarious.
But he can’t do it.
And not because Sebastian might take half a dozen other students with him when he goes, but because after a little quiet contemplation, Kurt realizes that Sebastian may not be lashing out because he can’t do yoga.
The thought that he wouldn’t be as good at this as he is at everything else is preposterous. He’s an exceptional athlete and a graceful dancer. Yoga shouldn’t be that great a hardship for him.
Sebastian may be lashing out because he feels backed into a corner. This has happened before - several times, as a matter of fact, and with Kurt. Sebastian starts to feel trapped, forgets himself, and comes out barrels blazing, shooting first and asking questions later. But what about? What could he possibly feel trapped about?
It comes to Kurt with a single, subtle movement - something he’s started doing recently. Something that had never been a habit of Kurt’s before.
Rolling his engagement ring on his finger.
The ring is a fairly recent accessory, given to him in fairy tale fashion underneath Fourth of July fireworks with everyone he loves present at the picturesque Smythe estate. But their journey to this point has been a bumpy one. There have been fights, misunderstandings, crossroads, a break up. But here they are, together, standing tall …
Another glance in Sebastian’s direction proves that’s not entirely true. He stumbles backward … then forward … then backward again, like he’s performing a clumsy two-step on the deck of a listing ship without a partner.
Could this ring on Kurt’s finger be the reason? Could it be one of Sebastian’s regrets? Could he be re-thinking the whole thing?
As ridiculous as that may sound, it has crossed Kurt’s mind once or twice before. Nothing bad has happened between them since that night - no devastating fights, nothing that would threaten their overall happiness. Even Julian has kept his shameless flirting to a minimum. But Kurt has abandonment issues. Severe ones.
They run deep.
To his defense, Kurt did consult an expert about his feelings.
He’d asked Olivia her opinion on the subject.
She’s privy to the grim details of his backstory, of course, so he can be as dramatic as he wants around her without sounding like a self-serving ninny. She’d waited patiently for him to finish, smiled warmly, and said, “Kurt, Sebastian loves you. More than he’s ever loved anything in his whole life. Loves you more than he’s ever loved himself.”
“How do you know?”
“How do you not know?” she’d replied with that faint roll of her eyes that the Smythe siblings seem to share. “I know my brother. And even if, for some reason, he didn’t love you as much as I know he does, we do. The whole family.”
“So you’d keep in touch if anything went south between us?” Kurt had never thought to ask. The Smythes were such a loyal family, he feared the answer would be no. But they’d already invited him into their home once before after he and Sebastian split up - that Christmas when Kurt’s father ended up in the hospital. The Smythes let him spend the holidays with them, supported him throughout that entire ordeal. Luck seemed to be on his side that year. His father came out of the hospital unscathed when Kurt feared to the depths of his soul that he wouldn’t.
How long could his good fortune hold out, especially if he were the reason they split up again?
“You’re one of us, Kurt,” she’d assured him. “Part of the clan. And we don’t ditch clan members, no matter what their transgressions. Besides …” She stirred creamer into her coffee with the biggest, twisted grin on her face “… Julian would marry you.”
Kurt choked on his mocha. “What?”
“You, him, and Cooper would become a thruple. We’ve discussed it … at length.”
“You what!?”
“Take you as a lover was the way he put it. I have to admit, that has a lovely Victorian ring to it. You’re a hopeless romantic, aren’t you?”
Kurt laughs to himself remembering the look on Olivia’s face as he spilled his drink and she snorted her coffee.
Sebastian must feel Kurt’s eyes on him because he turns his face to Kurt, red-cheeked, frustrated to the point of angry tears. Kurt feels his heart wrench, tightening into a knot of pure sorrow.
Why now though? What could have happened that Kurt didn’t see coming? And why would Sebastian bring up Blaine?
There was a time long ago when Kurt thought he couldn’t live without Blaine and a ring on his finger. That’s far from true. He can more than stand on his own. Ironically, it took dating Sebastian to remind himself of that. Probably because when you’re with someone who supports you selflessly, who only wants the best for you, it brings out the best in you.
“Kurt …” Sebastian whimpers. It’s pained - a pain Kurt feels pinging around his chest.
“Sebastian …” Kurt mouths back, voice unavailable past the ache.
Kurt could live without Sebastian. He could. But he doesn’t want to if he can help it.
Standing here, staring into Sebastian’s eyes, feels like falling in love with him all over again, even if Sebastian is planning on leaving him.
But Kurt isn’t falling.
Sebastian is, coming his way and fast.
“Kurt … help me, Kurt!”
“Sebastian!” Kurt yelps.
Unable to decide whether he should try to catch his boyfriend or get out of the way, he does neither, taking Sebastian’s weight full force in the chest. Reflexively, he wraps his arms around Sebastian instead of dodging for his own safety. He lands flat on his back with a spine-bruising crack! but that’s not where it ends. Unable to stop his momentum in time, Sebastian lands on top of Kurt, checking him in the nose with his shoulder so hard, Kurt almost blacks out.
“Kurt!” Olivia yells, racing to his side. “Sebastian, get off of him! Oh my God! Kurt!”
“Sebby!” Julian barks, yanking Sebastian to his feet, completely unconcerned with any injuries of his brother’s and staring at Kurt with wide, bugged-out eyes. “You killed Kurt!”
“I didn’t kill him!”
“Doesn’t matter! I’m calling mom!”
“Call an ambulance first, you dunderhead!”
Cooper pushes through the crowd to hand Julian his phone. “He’s bleeding!” he points out, voice thick with concern, then shaking like a leaf when he adds, “a lot. I … I don’t like …” Another heavy thud vibrates the wood floor as Cooper disappears from view.
“Jesus Christmas …” Olivia mumbles. “Men.”
“Tell me about it,” Kurt grumbles.
“Kurt!” Sebastian takes Kurt’s hands carefully in his while Cecile leans in low to examine Kurt’s face. She tsks.
“Sit tight, hun. I’m going to get you some ice.”
“Paramedics are on the way,” Julian informs them as he kneels down to tend to an unconscious Cooper. “I told them to send an ambulance built for two.”
“Are you okay?” Sebastian rushes, looking Kurt over closely, doing an examination of his own. “What hurts? Can you hear me? Speak to me!?”
“How can I?” Kurt moans, content after that to never speak again for as long as he lives. It wouldn’t be too bad. He could learn ASL. He’s always wanted to. He nearly guffaws out loud when the thought he can take a Learning Annex course springs to his brain. “You won’t shut up long enough to let me!”
“I’m sorry, Kurt. I’m … I’m sorry,” Sebastian babbles. “I didn’t mean to ...”
“You do have regrets, don’t you?” Kurt asks, sadly shaking his head. Or trying to. He budges it a centimeter. It screams at him to stop!
Sebastian’s brow furrows. “What the---? Everyone has regrets, Kurt.”
“What are yours?”
“What? I …” Sebastian’s chest shudders, closer to tears than Kurt had previously realized. “That you’re right. That you’re always right.”
Kurt frowns. “Gee. Thanks.”
“I am simple minded. I didn’t want to do this. I knew I wouldn’t be any good at it. And that’s not an opinion. It’s a fact. I went to gymnastics camp as a kid, so I know my limits.”
“You did?” Kurt says, stunned out of remembering he’s in a blistering amount of pain.
“That’s right!” Olivia gasps, pleased as punch that she has another embarrassing story to tell Kurt about his soon-to-be-husband. “How did I forget about Sebastian in that purple unitard!?”
“A story for another time,” Sebastian dismisses forcefully through clenched teeth.
“All right, all right,” Olivia says, pulling out her phone, checking to see if she has any pictures of that event uploaded to her gallery, giving Kurt and Sebastian privacy (figuratively) for the moment.
“The point is,” Sebastian continues, “I should have told you from the beginning that I couldn’t do this.”
You did, Kurt thinks with a pang of regret that eclipses the throbbing in his nose. You did, and I convinced you to come anyway. “So … what about us?”
Sebastian’s face crumbles imperceptibly, as if, with those four words, he’s expecting the worse. “Wh-what about us?”
“Do you have regrets about us?”
“What?” Moss-green eyes pop open so fast, Kurt swears he hears them, like the foley on an anime. “No! What makes you think that?”
“Well, you fell. And Cecile said …”
“Kurt! I fell because I have no balance to speak of! I can’t do yoga. At all, as it turns out. This isn’t The Fault in Our fucking Stars, babe! Sometimes a cigar is just a cigar, not a metaphor.” He leans down to kiss the knuckles of Kurt’s hand trapped between his. “I don’t have any regrets about us. I swear I don’t.”
Kurt closes his eyes, the left swelling rapidly, skin turning an alarmingly vivid shade of aubergine. A tear slips from the corner and down his cheek. It’s hot, and everything it touches stings.
Sebastian swallows hard and asks a question he’s wondered about hundreds of times, a question he keeps finding himself asking, never settling in comfortably with the answer. Which is always the same, no matter what.
“Do … do you have any regrets?”
Kurt sniffles before he answers. “Recently?”
Okay, well, maybe not the same this time.
“I guess …”
“Only one.”
“Does it have something to do with me?”
“Yes, but only a teeny bit.”
“And what’s that?” Sebastian asks, holding his breath immediately after, readying himself for whatever barb Kurt chooses to throw.
“That we’re never going to be able to come to this studio again.” Kurt smiles weakly, wincing when he scrunches his nose and pain shoots straight up the bridge to his brain. “And I think you broke my nose.”
Sebastian kisses Kurt’s hand, sputtering a half-laugh/half-cry of relief. “It matches your black eye.”
Kurt fixes his good eye on Sebastian and grimaces - the safest expression of displeasure he can make with his face on the brink of exploding.
“No worries, love,” Julian pipes in, saving Sebastian as tears finally start to fall. “The crooked nose thing isn’t quite in anymore, but I can see you bringing it back. You wear it well.”
“Fuck you both very much,” Kurt mutters.
Julian winks, stepping aside as paramedics rush in. “Promises, promises.”
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World of Warcraft Trailers RANKED
Because I’m incredibly bored and needed something to do. I played WoW briefly back during the Wrath era, and still like to keep up with what’s going on in that IP once a year or so. But I’ve always been really impressed with Blizzard’s cinematic trailers. So I have them ranked here, based on my personal preferences. Bit long under the cut, but I’ve still tried to keep things concise overall.
9. Mists of Pandaria
I almost feel like Mists of Pandaria gets a pass because in many ways it doesn’t feel like it “fits” with the others. Even the art style looks “off” to a degree. What’s with the strangely bara-looking characters? Overall it’s a pretty tight and decently crafted cinematic – Blizzard is very good at making these trailers even at their worst, as we’ll see – but it feels disconnected from the larger world. I can even overlook the whole kung fu panda concept to just say that the weirdly humorous and cartoony affect doesn’t seem to hit, even by the admittedly cartoony standards of the whole IP. Just kind of silly.
8. Shadowlands
“Icecrown.” This is where I wish I could review these in reverse, but I always like to count up rather than down in list reviews. Shadowlands is the culmination of a trend that can be seen from Legion through to the present in terms of Sylvanas Windrunner’s character progression. Right off the bat this trailer has a big setup – we’re returning to Icecrown Citadel, one of the most memorable and important locations in the entire series. While the full extent of her fall is not made clear until later, we can see that old Sylvia is clearly going the Garrosh Hellscream route of turning into a villain by popular demand. What follows is a very stupid action sequence. Is it cool looking? Of course it is, the budget on these things is ludicrous. It’s still stupid, however. Sylvanas might as well have dealt with the OG Lich King by herself, along with pretty much every other raid considering how untouchable she is in this showdown. More than that, the disrespect to Bolvar Fordragon, who I believe was never seen again after the end of Wrath, seems a bit harsh. The ending leaves more questions than it answers, and not entirely in a good way. The concept of the “Shadowlands” as given later doesn’t seem bad, but you’re telling me nobody thought to do this with the Crown beforehand? It’s a bit out of nowhere.
7. Battle for Azeroth
Battle for Azeroth’s cinematic trailer suffers from having come after the trailer for Legion. Legion’s trailer is incredibly over-the-top in a very endearing way, and BfA takes a step back from that. I get that it’s probably an homage to the early days of WoW, but considering how Legion showed how far the world had come in many ways, BfA seems kind of dull and same-y. Siege towers? Really? When you have legions of magical air-dreadnoughts? It also shows the ongoing negative trend with hero characters in the franchise. Nobody gives a damn how powerful the “main characters” are in a game about the PLAYERS going around and having adventures. And if they do, I’d still ask who on earth these stupid schmucks are who sign on to be a part of the Alliance and Horde line-infantry at the very least. Sylvanas shows off an early taste of what’s to come in terms of her decline, and Anduin is kind of a funny character to me. Look at this child they put in a set of Warhammer space marine armor. Who let him onto the battlefield? Hand over command to the werewolf and protect this poor kid!
6. Cataclysm
Cataclysm goes with a good trend you can trace back to the Burning Crusade in focusing on the villain. That’s good framing in an RPG. The problem for me at least is that Deathwing’s voice lacks something. He sounds like a bit of a dullard, and while his voice is deep it lacks resonance and sounds a bit tinny. Compared to the narrations in other trailers, it’s just not as good, even if it isn’t bad. The visuals are great, however, and the way we’re shown the world being destroyed clearly communicates a “the world will never be the same” vibe in a very direct and visceral way. Overall not a bad trailer, but just a bit basic and weaker when compared to the top performers.
5. Legion
I like this trailer the more I watch it, because to me it’s probably the purest distillation of what Warcraft actually is. Every character in this trailer looks like they could be a player, not a “protagonist” or an “NPC”. The dynamics between the big, crazy, chunky character models and the very cold and realistic lighting makes for an amazing image. I always wondered what the demand for a live-action Warcraft film was when they have cinematics that look like this. This trailer has some great action, balanced yet bombastic, and also features Infernals, which are always cool. As said before, the sheer scale of everything puts BfA to shame, yet it doesn’t feel as silly as something like Shadowlands. The biggest problem with this trailer is that Varian Wrynn’s voice just isn’t that impressive. He gives a great speech, for sure, but he still just sounds like “a guy” and doesn’t exactly have the pipes of a Menethil. The line “I’ve been slow to trust” as he sees Sylvanas come through the fog is pretty hilarious in retrospect.
4. Burning Crusade
You are not prepared! A classic, and many people’s favorite. Burning Crusade doesn’t really have a “plotline” within the actual trailer, but the visuals are all very cool nonetheless. Special mention goes to the draenei paladin, who looks amazing and whose motions seem to have so much more weight than anything else in the trailer. The rest of the clips are impressive, and there’s a bit of humor thrown in as well. Of course, the big showing is from Illidan, who gives a fantastic little speech brimming with tension and gravitas. I’d maybe consider #4 and #3 on this list tied in a lot of ways.
3. World of Warcraft
The vanilla cinematic trailer benefits from novelty and a good sense of focus. Opening narration (by who, I don’t know) provides us with everything we need to know about the state of the world and what we’re jumping into. The faux-Latin orchestral sting right afterwards makes for a stunning opening to the visuals, and we’re then treated to a very lasting impression of Warcraft’s aesthetics. All the action is good, with special mention to the Infernal summoning, and there are very few weak points in the trailer. There’s no “narrative” but one isn’t really needed, as we’re trying to sell people on exploring a world rather than investing in a plotline just yet.
2. Warlords of Draenor
Warlords of Draenor is an incredible cinematic adaptation of one of the most important bits of Warcraft backstory. The execution of this trailer is incredible, and again makes me question the necessity for an actual live-action film. We have big, baritone-voiced characters brimming with detail in a very tense and dark moment, followed by explosive action. Everything looks good. Grommash looks cool, Gul’dan looks sinister, and Mannoroth is absolutely fearsome. The dialogue is overblown and over-dramatic in the absolute best of ways, and is made better by every single character having voices that bottom-out the register. Mannoroth’s death is a little quick, but doesn’t really need to last that long, and all the musical and visual notes are beautifully synced. Even Garrosh gets a cool showing, and the trailer ends with a dramatic rise that is one of the best examples among all the trailers. The actual idea behind having an alternate-history timeline plot in Warcraft is a little wonky, but I feel like this trailer sells the idea better than the actual expansion did (from what I hear).
1.Wrath of the Lich King
The grandmaster, the pinnacle. “My son.” I am absolutely biased. Wrath of the Lich King is not just a great Warcraft trailer, its a great trailer by any standard. Intense narration that really builds up the scene coupled with a fantastic soprano opening to the trailer proper. This is another trailer that does a great one-scene bit, and is also similar to Legion in that it contrasts some very subdued visuals with some very over-the-top ones. You almost question whether or not this Dark Lord looking character is the villain, if you didn’t know the backstory of Arthas, with how soft the start of the trailer is. The consistent dynamic where his dead father will narrate some virtue, followed by the Lich King displaying the opposite is great. “Exercise restraint” with the summoning of the undead dragon Sindragosa, followed by “stirring the hearts of your people” with a shot of the undead horde is a great progression. And the trailer even manages to end with some heart-pumping intensity while still remaining very subdued. There’s a reason why, even when I’m not entertaining any feelings of nostalgia for Warcraft, I still go back and watch just this trailer. It’s a fantastic piece of art all on its own.
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Stone Cladding Yorkshire - Designer's Dream Materials
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Danganronpa Celesgiri Commission
Here is a commission I wrote for someone who wishes to remain anonymous. Thank you so much for supporting my work!
Title: (Currently Untitled) Fandom: Danganronpa Characters: Kyoko, Celestia Ships: Kyoko x Celestia Rated: T Tags: Gambling, Smoking, Romantic Tension Word Count: 2,918 Summary: Celestia invites Kyoko over for a game of poker and it quickly becomes the most intriguing game Kyoko has ever played. Trying to read Celestia was difficult enough normally, but trying to read her with the only light in the room coming from her lit cigar was near impossible. But she was the Ultimate Detective for a reason.
If you are interested in a commission here is my Commission Info!
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Kyoko wasn’t sure what to expect when Celeste invited her to her room that evening and felt her reasons for being suspicious were justified. Celeste usually didn’t take visitors—well, until recently. She’d been inviting a few people over lately, presumably for card games or other forms of gambling.
That’s what Makoto told her anyway, but it wouldn’t have been hard to guess. Kyoko was more intrigued by the other thing he mentioned yesterday when they met up for lunch.
That Celeste had been asking him questions about her.
It wasn’t that she was bothered by Celeste’s interest but she was certainly confused. Celeste must have known Makoto would tell her, so why the attempted secrecy in the first place?
Or was that her roundabout way of capturing Kyoko’s attention? Celeste never approached things simply; she always had to stay one step ahead and predominantly in an exaggerated manner.
It worked though, because Kyoko spent longer than normal searching for her cleanest suit jacket before heading over. She knew most people wouldn’t care about her appearance, she hardly cared herself, but she had a feeling Celeste would appreciate the extra effort.
The door swung open and there stood Celestia Ludenberg in all her glory. Fake hair, fake eyes, black lipstick, expensive dangling jewelry, and stunning as always. She wasn’t in her usual gothic getup today, instead clad in an extravagant red and black dress, as if this meeting was a special occasion. Crimson eyes roamed her form and suddenly Kyoko felt underdressed.
Celeste looked beautiful and Kyoko was looking forward to spending time with her, but Kyoko wanted to spend time with Taeko, too—wanted to see the hair lacking the drills, the true eye colour, hear her say more than one sentence at a time—and had to hope that Celeste would trust her enough to let her walls down one day.
Maybe today if Makoto’s luck rubbed off on her.
“You look as dashing as ever, Kyoko,” Celeste said, charm oozing off her thick accent. She stepped aside and made a sweeping motion with her arm. “Please, come in.”
The doorway may as well had been a portal to a different world, or a different time period, from how much the atmosphere shifted from the hallway; the dark colour scheme, the Victorian style furniture, the way Celestia’s spicy perfume clung to the walls. If not for the size of the room matching all the other dorms, it would be easy to forget they were still on campus property.
But Kyoko didn’t realize just how dark it was until Celeste closed the door behind them. Several tall candles adorned a table in the middle of the room—the table looked ridiculously large in the cramped dorm space—and the flames dancing at their tips provided the only source of light.
“Why have you invited me here?” Kyoko asked.
“Suspicious of me already, Kyoko?” Celeste giggled, holding her hand to her mouth, her silver fingerbone ring gleaming from the flames. “I just wanted to spend my evening with my cherished friend. It’s been far too long since you and I have chatted. Relax those shoulders for awhile and let’s play some poker. What do you say?”
Kyoko’s eyebrow rose. “In the dark?”
“It adds a layer of intrigue, wouldn’t you say? Playing the usual way has become dreadfully dull.” Celestia gestured towards the table. “Please take a seat.”
The chairs were cushioned and, now that she was closer, Kyoko noticed the heavy white tablecloth covering the table. It was too dark to see any intricate designs but the material alone was enough to prove its worth. Several unopened packs of playing cards lay on Celeste’s side of the table.
No poker chips, though.
“Are we gambling or not?” Kyoko asked, adjusting to get comfy in her seat. “I do have some money on me.”
Celestia’s eyes sparkled like rubies in a dark cave. “I thought we could just play for fun, but I adore that you came prepared. Maybe towards the end I’ll swipe that yen from you.”
Confidence dripped from her tone but Kyoko knew she had the skill to back it up so she didn’t bother defending herself. She accepted her defeat in this game against Celestia long before she accepted the invitation to actually play.
“Tea?” Celeste offered, not waiting for Kyoko’s reply before pouring them both a cup and placing them on the table. That was probably the first time Kyoko had seen her pour her own tea and that was enough of a clue for Kyoko to know something was up with Celeste.
The question was how to go about asking. Celeste hid herself and her feelings behind a mask and it was rare for anyone to catch a glimpse underneath.
Kyoko wanted to see her.
Kyoko took a sip from her cup. It was warm and delicious and... actually her favourite flavour of tea. Did Celeste prepare this blend on purpose?
“Thank you,” she decided to say instead of asking what was on her mind. Celestia smiled at her and suddenly Kyoko’s belly felt warm from more than just the tea.
Celeste took her seat on the opposite end of the table and used her finger ring to cut open a new pack of cards. “Just so you know I’m not cheating,” she clarified, shuffling them.
Kyoko shrugged as she watched her deal them each five cards. “Wouldn’t matter to me if you did. In fact, it may have been entertaining trying to figure out how you were.”
Celestia smirked behind her teacup, taking a delicate sip. “The detective hat never comes off, huh?”
“It’s a permanent addition to my wardrobe.” Kyoko matched Celestia’s look. “Couldn’t you tell?”
Celeste’s smirk softened. “You’d look cute in a detective hat.”
Kyoko’s expression fumbled and suddenly she was much more thankful for the dim lighting in the room. Of all the things she prepared herself for tonight, being flirted with was not one of them.
Celestia laughed at her but it contained no malice. “Now,” she picked up her cards, “let’s begin.”
Forcing herself to calm down, Kyoko’s expression renewed neutrality as she glanced at her hand. Even with the decent amount of candles on the table the numbers were difficult to recognize.
“I can barely see my cards,” Kyoko said, squinting until she recognized that she had a pair. She threw the other three cards onto the centre of the table.
“Tell you what,” Celeste said, exchanging two cards of her own. “Every time you win I’ll light another candle, but every time you lose I’ll snuff another out.”
The cards Kyoko received were no better than her old ones and Celestia’s face betrayed nothing concerning the state of her hand, but Kyoko assumed it was stronger than her own. “We both know I’m not going to win any rounds.”
“Have some faith in yourself, Kyoko,” Celestia purred, revealing her cards one at a time. It was cocky and excessive and it suited her. Two pair.
Kyoko sighed, laying down her pair of 5’s. “You’ve won tournaments for games you’ve never even played before. How am I supposed to beat you?”
“Precisely my point. Just because you haven’t won before today doesn’t mean today won’t be the first day you win.” Celestia licked her fingers—Kyoko stared for too long—and snuffed out a candle. “That’s what gambling is all about, my dear.”
That’s how Kyoko would lose all her savings if this were a serious match. Playing with Celeste was entertaining, but Kyoko would stay far away from actual gambling halls.
Well. Perhaps she would go if she could witness Celeste playing in a professional match. Trying to catch Celeste’s opponents in their lies would be an interesting way to test her detective skills, too.
Celestia pulled out something from her pocket but Kyoko couldn’t make out what it was until the tip ignited thanks to a candle. When Celeste leaned forward to gather their old cards the candlelight prominently illuminated her face, which now included the ludicrously large and fancy cigar that hung between her black lips. It glowed brighter than any of the candles.
Kyoko’s mind was reeling but she kept her face passive; Celestia was apparently full of surprises tonight. “I didn’t know you smoked.”
The smoke emerged from Celeste’s lungs in spirals, swirling above their heads. “A girl’s allowed some secrets, isn’t she?”
“You shouldn’t be smoking in the dorms.”
Celestia didn’t look threatened or impressed as she shuffled a new deck and dealt out their hands. “Please repeat that to Hiro if you plan on lecturing me.”
She had a point. That man’s room was a constant hotbox. But he shared with anyone who needed a hit so no one could really complain.
“What about the smoke alarms?”
“Not to worry. I unplugged them.”
Kyoko’s hands twitched, feeling a brief phantom burn, and she resisted the urge to rub them together. “Not that I don’t trust you, but you’re risking burning down the dorms.”
“Putting your trust in a liar like me?” Another string of giggles. Kyoko had made her laugh a lot tonight without even trying. She wasn’t sure if she should feel proud of that or not. “I’m flattered by the gamble.”
After an exchange of garbage cards Kyoko laid down her pair of 8’s. Better than last time but, unsurprisingly, no contest for Celestia’s pair of 10’s. The room became darker once again.
Celeste smirked and gently blew smoke in her direction that was expertly shaped like a spade. She was showing off even though she had no reason to, but it was still impressive.
“What’s with that giant cigar, anyway?” Kyoko decided to ask. She was going to stay quiet about it but there was something so ridiculous about seeing that massive cigar in Celestia’s mouth that she just had to know. She looked like a mafia boss or something. “You could have gotten a cigarette off Mondo or Leon if you needed one.”
“And talk to them willingly?” Celeste’s face scrunched up, the first chip in her mask that night. “No, thank you. I have better ways to spend my time.”
Kyoko met her gaze. “Like with me?”
Celeste giggled. “Like with you.”
It was several rounds and just as many snuffed out candles later that Kyoko realized Celestia avoided answering about the cigar, but sometimes avoidance was just as revealing as an answer itself. Maybe she wanted to feel fancy. Maybe she wanted to feel more like a gambler.
Maybe she was using it to hide something?
And on that note. “Makoto mentioned you asking about me.”
“Did he now?” Celeste didn’t seem surprised or offended. “What questions did he say I asked?”
“About my preferred tea, for one,” Kyoko said, finishing her cup and setting it aside. “It wasn’t the type of questions that bothered me, rather that you were asking them to him in the first place.”
“Oh?”
Kyoko already knew she wasn’t winning this hand but squinted at her cards anyway to buy time and consider what she wanted to say; to consider her feelings.
It wasn’t quite betrayal she felt, nor mistrust, but there was some measure of hurt pulsing in her chest.
“Why didn’t you just ask me?” Her voice was quieter than she intended.
“And lose my shroud of mystery?” Celeste gave a sly smile, using a card to slice off the elongated glowing ashes of her cigar; they disintegrated in the darkness. “I have a reputation to uphold, you know.”
“Celeste, I’m being serious.” Kyoko threw down her abysmal hand. She didn’t care about the game, not when there was something that mattered so much more. “You know you can talk to me, right? You don’t need to pretend in front of me.”
Celeste paused. It was hard to see her expression in this lighting but her smile fell away a little too swiftly. “Pretending is all I know how to do.”
It was painful hearing that for some reason and Kyoko frowned. “Is your interest in me pretend, too?”
The crack in Celestia’s mask deepened. It didn’t take a detective to notice that.
And before Kyoko could truly analyze her, Celestia pressed the tip of her cigar to the cards in her hand, setting the edges ablaze. She let them burn a second more, just long enough for Kyoko to worry, before blowing them out and dropping them on the table.
Royal flush.
With the final candle extinguished, Celestia’s cigar was now the only source of light in the room. It lit up her lips, her eyes, her jewelry, and not much else. Kyoko knew she’d have no chance of seeing her own cards. Kyoko also knew she had little chance of winning, especially considering how well these games had gone for her so far.
And yet...
“One last round,” Kyoko proposed. “If I win, you tell me honestly why you’re smoking that cigar.” She knew there was no way Celeste would be honest with her unless she used Celeste’s own game against her. Gambling was the only effective language here.
Smoke further tainted the air. “And if I win?”
“I’ll answer any question you want and it won’t leave this room.” Kyoko paused. “Or I’ll leave the room, if that’s what you’d prefer.”
Smoke blew from Celeste’s mouth in the shape of a diamond this time. “After tossing me that yen in your pocket, I presume.”
“Of course.”
Celestia, with no hesitation, broke open the umpteenth pack of cards and dealt them out.
Kyoko didn’t even look at her hand.
“A bold move,” Celestia stated, glancing at her own cards.
“I thought you’d appreciate the gamble.”
Celestia smiled. “I do.”
Celeste exchanged three of her cards and Kyoko’s eyes never left hers. Once it was clear Kyoko wasn’t planning to trade in any of her cards, leaving everything to the chance of the initial deal, Celeste laid her cards on the table.
Kyoko held her breath and flipped over her hand.
Both were high card, but her ace beat Celestia’s queen.
Kyoko’s deep exhale temporarily propelled the fog of smoke out of her face. It was possible Celeste simply let her win, but in this case there was nothing Kyoko could complain about.
If Celeste was willing to open up about her feelings then that was a win in every book.
Celeste sighed, standing from the table and walking to the other side of the room. Kyoko used the lit cigar as a guide and slowly followed. Celeste was silent for a long time, the only sounds being her inhaling and exhaling of smoke, but Kyoko was patient.
The words that eventually came were soft and vulnerable.
“I... have feelings for someone.”
Kyoko’s heart pounded in her chest. Was this related to their gambling condition? “I don’t see how that’s an issue.”
Celeste winced. “Falling in love is something that Taeko would do, not Celestia.”
So that’s why she’d been gambling so much lately. That explains this atmosphere, the secrecy, the cigar.
She was afraid of her feelings because she was afraid of being Taeko. She didn’t know how to be Taeko anymore. She didn’t think she could be both so she was forcing herself to be Celestia. She probably thought that the harder she pushed herself to be Celestia, the more extravagant she made Celestia out to be, the smaller Taeko would become until she was nothing but ash in the wind.
Kyoko wouldn’t let that happen.
“Taeko and Celestia are one in the same,” Kyoko said softly. “One would not exist without the other, and one could not fall in love without the other also doing so. It seems to me like Taeko has accepted her feelings.” Kyoko reached for her hand. “It’s Celestia’s turn.”
Celeste stared up at her for a moment as if lost for words. Did Kyoko overstep? Normally she would not be concerned with something like that, but she knew Celeste was struggling with this and she would never want to upset her.
And then, just as Kyoko began to worry, fingers laced with hers.
Celeste removed the cigar from her lips and replaced the empty space with Kyoko’s own. Kyoko sighed into her mouth, her free hand immediately going to Celeste’s waist, finally feeling the tension in her shoulders release. Her mind was blissfully silent for once as Celeste’s smoky breath mixed with her own. The sweet heat of the tea still lingered on her tongue and Kyoko was determined to absorb the remains of every drop.
They both were breathing heavily when they pulled away. Kyoko knew her cheeks were warm and wondered if Celeste’s were the same. Even when standing this close it was impossible to see anything in this darkness, and maybe that was for the best.
It made things more... intriguing, as Celeste stated earlier.
“Was I kissing Celestia or Taeko?” Kyoko asked.
Celeste pressed her cigar against Kyoko’s mouth until she succumbed and wrapped her lips around it. Then Celeste retrieved a long, fancy cigarette holder from her pocket, elegant and gothic in design, sticking a cigarette in the end and capturing it between her lips. She leaned up and used the tip of Kyoko’s burning cigar to light her own. Kyoko’s heart throbbed, her lips tightening against the black lipstick stain on her cigar.
“You’re the detective, Kyoko.” Celeste breathed out smoke shaped like a heart, grinning as it pressed against Kyoko’s lips. “Maybe you need to re-examine the evidence.”
#danganronpa#trigger happy havoc#celesgiri#celegiri#celestia ludenberg#kyoko kirigiri#fanfiction#commisions
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Higher than the Big Trees Ch. 49 Epilogue Part I: 8 Months Later
read chapter one
read on ao3
Magnus takes a few seconds to look over his lecture notes one last time. His class starts in 10 minutes and today’s lecture isn’t one of his favorites of the semester. This afternoon’s class was the standard History of Modern Europe 1815-Present and as the first class after midterms, Magnus knew his students would be preoccupied with getting their exams back, not interested in dadaism or The Silent Generation.
Everything looks in order-- after all, Magnus has been teaching this course every semester for over five years-- and his attention shifts to his phone.
He smiles as he sees a few unread texts.
Only 37 days until tour’s over and I’m back in New York, babe. I can’t wait to be home.
I can’t wait to kiss you.
I can’t wait to. . . Well. Do a lot more than that, too :)
Magnus laughs quietly in his office even as he’s struck by a pang of yearning so intense it steals his breath. It’s the middle of March and he hadn’t seen Alec in person-- hadn’t touched him, hadn’t held him close-- since Christmas.
It looks like they’re both going a little crazy from it.
Alec was in The States for the first part of the year, still touring for Feel Something. Magnus kept up with social media, watching the travelogues his Youtube Channel posted every week, liking Alec’s own posts about being on the road.
They talked every day, compensating as best they could for always changing time zones. Magnus couldn’t count the number of times he’d been woken up from a dead sleep to hear his boyfriend on the other end, voice hoarse and tired but so damn fond as they talked for a few minutes, catching each other up on their days.
It’s not perfect; but, then, Magnus knew that tour would be hard. He hadn’t quite anticipated missing Alec so damn much, though. That had taken even him by surprise.
He missed holding Alec-- he missed Alec’s icy feet and the way he wrapped around him like a damn octopus. He missed waking up to those adorable little snores that had quickly become the perfect sound to fall asleep to.
It’s been adjustment, these past months. But Magnus can’t begrudge his love his passion. He hears the vivacity in Alec’s voice when he talks about performing to a sold-out crowd. He sees the excitement in his eyes through face time whenever Alec talks about his meet and greets and how funny and genuine his fans are.
A little over a month, Magnus thinks, and then Alec will be home for the rest of the year. There are a few festivals over the summer that Alec has signed on for but those are weekends that Magnus can join him. Mostly, the rest of the year is wide open for Alec, with no tours scheduled until next spring.
A full year to have Alec all to himself. With a wry laugh, Magnus acknowledges the butterflies he feels at the promise.
With a sigh, Magnus takes a minute to respond. I miss you, darling. I can’t wait to talk to you tonight. How’s Texas this time of year? I hope it’s not too dreadfully hot.
Sliding his phone into his pocket, Magnus stands with a sigh and tries not to think about how damned cold their bed is without Alec, how empty the loft feels without his boyfriend’s presence.
Straightening his notes, Magnus places them in their folder and grabs his laptop, leaving his office with his bag. There are a few minutes until class starts and he has just enough time to swing by the cafe on the ground floor of Bowman Hall and grab a tea. It’s a chilly day for being spring. No matter that it was in the seventies yesterday, today is forty and drizzly and Magnus knows a chai tea latte is just the thing to warm him up.
Blowing across the top, Magnus takes a spare sip as he makes his way towards his classroom where fifty young minds are waiting to be shaped.
Or more likely, he thinks with a shake of his head, trying desperately not to fall asleep.
The afternoon lull is hitting him pretty hard but Magnus blames the fact that he was up until two in the morning grading and talking to Alec. Throw in the dismal, gloomy weather and all Magnus wants is a nap.
And since his thoughts just seem to be revolving around Alec today, he wishes he had the man to cuddle up to this afternoon.
Shaking his head again, this time impatiently, Magnus banishes thoughts of his boyfriend. He’s an adult, after all, a noted academic and pillar of Columbia. He’s made of stronger stuff that pining.
He swings open the door to his classroom for the next hour and fifteen minutes and he’s struck by the silence that’s permeated the space. It’s always a given that his students will take every second they can to talk, idle chitchat a dull thrum to the start of class.
Instead, it's dead quiet and Magnus is fairly sure that he’d be able to hear a pin drop. It’s unnerving to say the least.
Chalking it up to his students being hungover-- it is Friday after all-- or exhausted from midterms or just a fluke, he thinks nothing more of it.
Walking down the slope until he gets to the front of the classroom, Magnus takes a few seconds to set up the projector for his PowerPoint. While he often lectured without any extraneous material, since he was showing an art movement today, he had slides to show about some of the better known pieces of the era.
With a last drink of his tea, Magnus starts lecturing.
His students seem a little slow on the uptake and Magnus doesn’t hear the scratch of pens against paper, the tapping of laptop typing for a few seconds. A delayed response that’s as curious as it is inconsequential.
He’s made it through a few pages of his notes when he turns toward his laptop and changes the slide to a full color painting done in dull tones with melting clocks.
“Now,” he breaks in. “Looking at this painting, can anyone tell me why this style of art might have become popular after The Great War?”
It’s silent for a moment and when Magnus flicks his eyes up to scan the room, he sees no one has their hand raised, not even the few people in the first row he can always count on to know the answer.
Raising a brow, Magnus is just set to rephrase the question, maybe show another painting, when a voice sounds from the back that has him freezing, hardly daring to breathe.
They don’t raise their hand as they offer, “They’d lived through the worst carnage the world had ever seen to that point. The art became grotesque and macabre to ridicule their new reality.”
Magnus hears the amusement in the answer. Damn him, Magnus thinks, and then his gaze is snapping up to the top of the lecture hall where Alec’s sitting with a shit eating grin on his face.
No one says anything and the moment becomes charged.
Meeting Alec’s eyes, everything else falls away. It’s been almost three months since he last saw Alec in person and he swallows hard under the onslaught of feeling. Alec, for his part, doesn’t look much better as his grin shifts into something smaller, softer, more private.
Without breaking eye contact, Magnus manages to get out, “Class dismissed.”
It takes a few seconds for his students to realize that Professor Bane has just cancelled class, something he’s never done before. And while some are hesitant to leave-- they clearly want to see what’s going to happen next-- they reluctantly start packing up and leaving in a rustle of papers, the sound of zippers closing backpacks loud in the otherwise silent room.
And then it’s just the two of them. Alec’s still sitting at a damned desk and he’s too far away. Luckily, he stands and starts making his way down to Magnus, who feels rooted in his spot, like if he looks away for a second, it’ll all come crashing down and he’ll wake up to realize that Alec’s still halfway across the country and out of his reach for weeks more.
Coming to stand just inches in front of him, Alec smiles but makes no move to touch him. “Hey, babe.”
Magnus lets out a little incredulous laugh and they both ignore the way tears are evident in the undertone. “Don’t you hey, babe me, Alexander. I can’t-- how are you here? Don’t you have a concert tonight?”
Alec shrugs, leans against the desk and looks up at Magnus. “The venue cancelled the show. Something about their electricity going out. It’s been rescheduled for Sunday.”
“That means. . .” Magnus prompts, voice soft as he tries not to get his hopes up.
Finally, Alec reaches out and grins. He hauls Magnus closer, between his spread thighs, and Magnus shudders at the contact.
“It means that I’m yours for the next thirty six hours. I booked a flight as soon as we got word. I have to fly back to Houston Sunday morning but that means we have the rest of the day and all of tomorrow.”
A part of Magnus knows it’s not a lot; it’s certainly not enough to be so goddamn emotional over. But God, the idea of getting Alec for a day and a half is the best news he’s had all week and the truth is, twenty minutes would’ve been enough to send him over the edge.
“Then let’s make the most of it,” Magnus says quietly and then he’s leaning down, tilting Alec’s head up for a kiss that starts slow.
It quickly morphs, though, and becomes something hot and desperate and then Magnus is rucking Alec’s plain t-shirt up, fingers digging into warm skin, leaving bruises that make them both groan at the contact.
Alec’s hands fall to Magnus’s ass, pulling him closer and it feels so fucking good that Magnus is almost delirious on it. Which is ludicrous, he thinks a little hysterically. A simple kiss shouldn’t be enough to make him feel so much, to feel everything.
But then, Alec’s always been an exception to his ironclad control.
With his last damn brain cell, Magnus pulls back and it takes everything he has not to dive back in once he opens his eyes and sees Alec, face flushed and mouth bruised, looking at him like he’s everything he’s ever dreamed of.
“God, Alec,” Magnus groans but he holds his boyfriend back when Alec’s gaze sharpens, when he grins wolfishly and moves to pull Magnus in for another kiss.
“Not here,” Magnus says, still breathing harshly. “Anyone could walk in.”
Stepping back, Magnus runs his hands down Alec’s arms until he can intertwine their fingers. “Let’s go home, darling.”
He grabs his laptop and notes with one hand, throwing them in his briefcase and slinging it over his shoulder distractedly. He tugs Alec towards the door.
Alec follows with a smile that’s turned quiet and fond and then he’s wrapping an arm around Magnus’s shoulders, pulling him close for a kiss against his temple.
When they enter the hallway, it’s to see most of his class lingering outside of the classroom. Magnus spares them a glance, a raised brow, and says, “Don’t think this gets you out of your discussion posts this week.”
Most of them laugh and Magnus follows suit. His focus shifts to Alec again, like a magnet he supposes, and he leaves Bowman Hall without a backwards glance.
The two of them hail a cab and they’re home soon thereafter, traffic not as busy as it usually is for the time of day.
Magnus drops his briefcase in the entryway only to wrap his arms around Alec’s neck. Leaning into each other, it’s silent in their loft as they focus on their breathing, as they reconnect.
The apartment is full of shadows as they make their way to their bedroom. They take their time, unwrapping each other slowly. When they finally fall into bed, it’s to soft sighs and muffled laughter.
A few hours later, Magnus wakes up and almost immediately wants to fall back to sleep. He aches in all the right places and when he opens his eyes, his breath catches.
Alec’s a vision always, he thinks, but like this he’s perfect.
His mouth is open to let out little snuffles. He hadn’t shaved this morning and his jaw is dark with stubble, making Magnus shiver as he feels the tenderness on his own thighs from beard burn.
Wincing a little, Magnus is mostly smug as he sees the row of marks along his boyfriend’s collarbones, not subtle in the slightest but then, Magnus wasn’t really trying to be.
He’d been much more focused on other things.
Leaning close, he kisses Alec’s shoulder before climbing out of bed.
Throwing on a robe, Magnus leaves their bedroom, makes his way to the kitchen where he pours a glass of wine and takes a lingering sip, quickly finishing it before pouring a second.
Walking out into the living room, his interest is piqued as he sees an open book on the coffee table. It’s open to a page in the middle and it doesn’t take but a second for him to realize it’s Alec’s songbook.
The man must not have fallen asleep as quickly as Magnus had, he thinks with a quiet laugh. Alec always turned to writing when he couldn’t sleep.
Seeing the words scrawled over the page, Magnus can’t help but glance toward the bedroom, as though waiting for Alec to come out and snatch his book back. However, seeing that his boyfriend must still be sleeping soundly, Magnus can’t resist taking a peak.
Happily ever after How could I ask for more? A lifetime of laughter At the expense of the death of a bachelor
“Did you save some wine for me?”
Magnus gasps as his eyes fly up to land on Alec's back. He's standing in the kitchen in nothing but a pair of sweatpants that hang low on his hips, rummaging through a cupboard for a wine glass. Quickly standing, Magnus grabs his own glass as he joins Alec.
He tries not to read more into the words but they make his head spin, the potential meaning behind them something Magnus desperately wants, though he hadn’t known just how much until he’d read them in Alec’s messy mix of print and cursive.
“There should still be more than enough for you, darling,” he replies absently and when he reaches Alec, Magnus sweeps a hand down his back until it rests on his hip.
It’s quiet as Alec pours his own glass. Turning toward him, Alec stares at Magnus for a moment and it’s silent in the loft, dead quiet in the kitchen as he lets Alec look his fill.
“I love you, you know that?”
Something squeezes in Magnus’s chest and his mouth kicks up. “I had heard that, yes. Did you know I love you too? To distraction,” he murmurs and Alec laughs a little as he ducks down for a quick peck.
Leaning into Alec, Magnus suddenly looks up, meets Alec’s eyes with a raised brow. “How on earth did you manage to tamp down on what I’m sure was pandemonium when you walked into my class?”
Alec laughs, shakes his head in amusement. “I got there pretty early and told everyone I wanted to surprise you. To keep them quiet and from a riot breaking out, I took pictures and signed autographs until, like, two minutes before class started. I may have also mentioned that you might be persuaded to end class early and that got most of them to chill,” he admits sheepishly.
“College students are so predictable,” Magnus says with a wry laugh.
Humming a little, Alec drains his glass before moving closer to Magnus. He starts nosing along his jaw, kissing a line down his throat. “How lucky for us,” he drawls against warm skin and Magnus shivers, finishing his own glass before setting it down on the counter hard enought that he's surprised it doesn't shatter.
“Enough about them,” Magnus whispers. “Take me back to bed, Alexander. I only have--” he looks up, toward the clock hanging up, “-- thirty two hours left with you. I need to make the most of every minute.”
He feels the words, hushed against his chest, and urges Alec up until their eyes meet. “What do you say to breakfast in the morning?”
“Waffles,” Alec asks hopefully and Magnus chuckles.
“Waffles,” he confirms.
“Hell, yes.”
With a sharp intake of breath, Magnus manages to get out, “Something tells me we’ll have worked up quite an appetite by morning.”
Alec’s response is too low to hear but it doesn’t matter because then they’re kissing and it takes Magnus far longer than it should to realize they aren’t moving out of the kitchen. When he finds himself on the kitchen table, robe shoved off his shoulders to pool behind him, he loses every thought in his head except the clock that ticks ominously in his periphery.
He plans to make the most out of Alec’s impromptu visit.
In the back of his head, Magnus can’t help but wonder at the words he’d read in Alec’s songbook, the lyrics filling him with a well of love so deep he knows it’ll never run dry.
A couple of months later, when the two of them wander into Marv and Anna’s ice cream shop after taking a meandering walk through Central Park, Magnus doesn’t think anything of the wink Anna throws his way when he orders his own cone.
When he turns around, though, and sees Alec on one knee with a beautiful ring, Magnus’s heart stops.
He drops his ice cream cone, completely forgetting about it as he listens to Alec ramble a little in a speech he'd clearly practiced.
He’s nodding before Alec can stutter out his question and then both of them are crying, just a little, as they kiss in the empty ice cream shop where they’d had their first date so long ago-- though neither one had dared hope that it could be the beginning of so much more than simple friendship.
Anna claps her hands together, overcome, and pulls them both into a bear hug.
Magnus gets another ice cream and shares it with Alec, both of them so focused on the other that they barely manage a bite between mile-wide smiles.
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1: Legend of Zelda games
001 | Send me a fandom and I will tell you my:
Favorite character:
Going to go with an odd one and say Lady Maud from Triforce Heroes. None of these games had to give us an absurd quasi-French elderly woman obsessed with a murderous variant of haute couture, but this one did and she’s kind of awesome in how ridiculous she is. And she’s never hijacked by Ganon!
Least Favorite character:
Saying Link would be cruel just because I consider him dull without the self-insert factor and don’t find him particularly hot, so I won’t. Not Tingle either because I’m reasonable certain he’s meant to be a so bad he’s (somewhat) good character. Let’s go with Fi: flat personality with an uninteresting gimmick for a helper character, slow scrolling dialogue that mostly can’t be skipped, and she comes up for everything. A Skyward Sword remake that fixes the wonkier applications of the motion controls and made Fi less intrusive would make the game damn near perfect for a linear 3D Zelda experience, in my opinion.
5 Favorite ships (canon or non-canon):
Sidlink, Pipit/Link, Ganlink (bear/twunk hate sex, whee!), Demise/Ghirahim, that gay clown couple that runs the minigames at Lake Hylia in Twilight Princess...good for them.
Character I find most attractive:
Mostly see above: Pipit, human Ganondorf, or Sidon if I’m in the mood for two-pronged shark dick
Character I would marry:
Probably whatever king of Hyrule is currently on the throne, because he’s obviously rich and powerful and is usually a bit dense. Sidon comes with all that along with being attractive for a shark man, although I’m more into DP in theory than in actuality.
Character I would be best friends with:
Not really a friends without benefits kind of person, but that said Revali’s a delightfully snarky asshole with a low opinion of Link so that’s amusing.
a random thought:
Ocarina of Time and Majora’s Mask are great and all, but they don’t need yet more remakes. Skyward Sword Switch port please, or remake the Oracle games in the style of the Switch Link’s Awakening.
An unpopular opinion:
My indifference to Link probably qualifies.
My Canon OTP:
Not super into them, but I’m 90% sure Demise/Ghirahim is canon in an extremely kinky way.
My Non-canon OTP:
Sidlink or some version of Ganlink
Most Badass Character:
I’m pretty sure Link is the objective correct answer here.
Most Epic Villain:
Again, easy answer in Ganondorf. The whole predestined/cyclical divine pageantry that is his existence is pretty epic in the traditional sense.
Pairing I am not a fan of:
That whole harem thing they tried to pull with Ocarina of Time Link that caused a bunch of ridiculous ship wars right when I was entering fandom around 1998-2000. I do not care whether he bangs Zelda, Malon, Ruto, Nabooru, Saria, or whomever else, thank you very much.
Character I feel the writers screwed up (in one way or another):
Poor Tetra, such an original spin on the series standard heroine until she’s revealed as such, and suddenly she isn’t anymore.
Favourite Friendship:
Link and Zelda in Spirit Tracks are endearing and funny at times, and it’s a refreshing take on their relationship that lightly teases romance without pushing it too heavily because they’re still prepubescent.
Character I most identify with:
Probably the family in the Skulltula House in Ocarina of Time, ludicrously wealthy until they were cursed into a grotesque ruin that’s not completely fixed even if you kill all the spiders. Just look at their house....
Character I wish I could be:
One of the wealthy NPCs of Hyrule Castle Town in Twilight Princess you can’t interact with, because they’re rich and aren’t even required to have a stock line or two.
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Marvel Cinematic Universe: Spider-Man: Homecoming (2017)
Does it pass the Bechdel Test?
Yes, twice.
How many female characters (with names and lines) are there?
Eight (34.78% of cast).
How many male characters (with names and lines) are there?
Fifteen.
Positive Content Rating:
Three.
General Film Quality:
Neither characters nor plot are engaging enough to hold strong interest, making the film feel longer than it is, plus there’s one character in particular whose behaviour seriously rankles. It’s not a terrible movie, but it is thoroughly uninspiring.
MORE INFO (and potential spoilers) UNDER THE CUT:
Passing the Bechdel:
Liz manages a brief pass with her mother before the dance. Liz says goodbye to Betty.
Female characters:
Betty Brant.
Liz Toomes.
Michelle.
Marjory.
May Parker.
Karen.
Mrs Toomes.
Pepper Potts.
Male characters:
Adrian Toomes.
Mason.
Peter Parker.
Happy Hogan.
Tony Stark.
Jason Ionelli.
Ned.
Flash.
Abraham.
Mr Delmar.
Gary.
Steve Rogers.
Coach Wilson.
Shocker.
Aaron Davis.
OTHER NOTES:
Ah, here’s Peter’s video log from Civil War, where he has no idea why he’s even there and it’s completely irresponsible and inappropriate for Tony to have brought him in on something catastrophically dangerous with no preparation and none of the knowledge necessary to make an informed decision! I hate it. This makes me extremely hate Tony. I know I mentioned it already when I reviewed Civil War, but it’s super-true and not going to change any time soon.
See, this thing where Peter is sacrificing academic and social experiences to hang out for Tony’s promised phone call? That’s on Tony. You can’t just rope a kid into your bullshit and then kick him back out into the world with a vague false promise and no follow-up of any kind. That’s not how kids work. It’s not fair to people in general, but it is especially not how kids work.
Peter having to run because he’s in the suburbs and there are no tall buildings is probably the best gag in this movie.
The inclusion of that little detail about the Washington Monument being built by slaves. Mmmhmm.
I find the plotting of this film very dull and predictable, like ‘oh, and now we’ll have another action set piece, now some cutesy highschool stuff’, etc, and as such I feel it drags excessively and I’m just sitting here waiting for each bit to be done with so that we can get to the next, so that it can be over too, because I’m not attached enough to any one or thing that’s happening for the predictable beats to hold internal interest. That said, the Washington Monument piece is pretty good.
The ludicrous ferry accident, not so much.
Tony shows up, lot of shit-talking, blaming Peter for not magically intuiting information which Tony didn’t give him. Urgh. I deeply, deeply hate this version of Tony.
Toomes reveal is the most inspired choice of the film. Keaton kills it on Toomes’ own revelation of Peter’s identity.
This movie sure does go on.
This ‘screwed the pooch’ joke makes me want to bleach my ears. Also, this whole Avenger/press conference business is still Tony completely failing to appreciate how he’s upended this kid’s life; the right thing to do in this situation is not to lean into it and go ‘ok, but what if I upended it...more?’, just like the right way to deal with it was emphatically not to just kick the kid to the curb to figure things out for himself after that initial upending. I imagine I would have enjoyed this film sooo much more if I were not raging at Tony throughout.
Ok, let me just purge on the Tony thing before I go any further, otherwise I’m never gonna be able to focus properly on the rest of the movie. I hate what they’ve done with Tony. That’s obvious. I really, deeply disagree with it. Tony was a hard character to get to like, but the Iron Man films did really solid, intelligent work at achieving it despite the many and sundry hurdles, and the key to that was the fact that they had Tony, consistently, recognising the ways that his actions hurt others and then making the effort to fix that and fix himself, not just blowing it off, making some flashy gesture or throwing some money at the problem and then breezing on out like everything’s fine and none of it’s on him. The Avengers films - particularly Ultron - did significant work at tarnishing the character development of the Iron Man films, and then Civil War came in and - amidst the many, many sins Tony committed in that movie - handed the introduction of Spider-Man over to Tony in an act of incredibly irresponsible and reckless child endangerment, which this film proceeded to double-down on by having Tony completely fail to be a reasonable, thinking adult at any point. Frankly, I don’t feel that Tony’s initial decision to involve Peter in Civil War is forgivable, there’s no walking that back, but the least he could have done is to recognise that fact and make appropriate amends, which - as above - does not mean ignoring the kid any more than it means pandering to his hero complex. It makes me feel really, really old to be saying it, but Peter is a minor, he doesn’t have a strong perspective on the world yet, but he’s also old enough and wise enough that he can’t just have people throwing rules at him and expecting obedience; he needs to be treated with the respect of having things explained, but he also needs oversight because he isn’t mature enough to make choices without it. He needs guidance. That’s the position which Tony actively puts himself in and then fails to follow through on, and it leaves Peter feeling that he has to prove himself, that he has to further endanger himself in order to win the mentorship that Tony promised. As a character response and an emotional position for Peter, that’s great story fodder and logical follow-on from his introduction, and I can’t fault that. For Tony Stark though, who manages to both start and end this movie without actually learning anything, it makes me infuriated beyond belief.
THAT SAID, let’s segue to the natural place: to Peter. The good news is, if this film gets only one thing right, it’s that very precise balance of Peter’s age, with all its accompanying tumult; Peter is mature enough to feel like he’s in control of his life and choices and capable of taking on new, big, adult things, but not mature enough to realise the limitations that come with his age in terms of experience and worldview. He has that ‘teenagers think they know everything’ factor, but without it being conveyed as either too arrogant or too whiny to be palatable. It’s a tough ask for teen characters, generally, as the creative forces behind them are almost invariably adults (and usually have been for quite some time), and it’s hard to recapture the mentality of a teen once you’ve grown beyond that mentality yourself. When Peter declares that school doesn’t matter anymore because he’s ‘probably never coming back’, he’s gonna become an Avenger and that’s his whole life plan right now, no real details, no clarity in what exactly that means for his day-to-day life or where he gets his income or how things might go in the long term, that’s a classic teen moment for him: his future is a concept, all of its parts internally encompassed, and it’s not just that he dismisses the questions, logistics, and concerns that an adult would know to raise, it’s that these things don’t even occur to him in the first place. Peter is in this middle-position, the transition from child to adult, and he’s not as far through that transition as he thinks he is (teenagers never are). Altogether, I may not be enamoured by this film, nor am I especially compelled by Tom Holland’s take on this character (he’s not bad, he’s just...not that enthralling, either), but the particular pitch of Peter’s mentality is spot-on without being, in itself, just another tromp through dull and overwrought teen-angst cliches.
The rest of the movie, on the other hand...I feel kinda bad about spending that over-long first paragraph railing against a certain billionaire who could have done us all a favour and not been in this film (or at least, not as prominently), giving Peter more of a chance to explore his spider-self and what it means to his life on his own terms, instead of being so heavily influenced by how he fits into the wider universe, and then maybe we could have fleshed out more of Peter’s normal life in order to make all the extraneous pieces of this story more meaningful, and less, y’know, extraneous. As-is, I don’t feel like I’ve got a lot to say about it, it’s fairly generic and unremarkable, and while there are some good set-up pieces - Toomes’ whole descent-to-criminal-enterprise-due-to-economic-pressures thing has great narrative potential and scope for reflection upon capitalism in the real world - the story never explores any of those pieces enough to even half-ass a real analysis of the idea. Toomes is rendered a mostly stock villain, the same as Liz gets little to make her more than a bland Love Interest, May is an interchangeable maternal figure, and Ned - while fun and easily a highlight in a cast that’s hardly vying for the title - is also a bit of a heavy-handed stereotype sitting in the comic relief/sidekick chair (the fact that he essentially references this in-story, fourth-wall-denting style, does not make it less uninspired). And I’m not sure how we’re supposed to see Zendaya’s MJ as anything other than a gimmick at this point, kinda seems like she was literally only there so that her preferred name could be used as a weightless ‘reveal’ at the end. Like I said up in the notes, I found the movie to be excessively predictable in a bad way, bringing me out of the viewing experience to count off the minutes and story beats, and as such, even though this is not the worst film Marvel has churned out to date, it is one of my least favourites. I know there are a lot of people who loved it, who love Tom Holland’s version of Peter Parker and found this movie light and fun, and it’s not that I can’t see where they’re coming from with that...I guess it’s just that whatever parts of the story are self-contained are so recycled from so many other films of this ilk, I can’t find anything to attach to, and then the rest of the story which could have been spent making something a little more interesting from those basic, predictable bones, instead is wasted on an over-emphasis on placing this movie into the MCU’s larger framework (an ironic waste of resources since you can easily skip this film without getting confused watching the next MCU movies with Spider-Man in them, Infinity War and Endgame). Anyway. I fear I’m just gonna start repeating myself for lack of anything else to say; I don’t care for this movie, it had at least a good little piece of heart in it but it wasted too much time on things which did not enhance this story or the wider universe anyway, I hate Tony Stark now. The end.
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