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aconstantstateofbladerunner · 4 years

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101 Open MHA Gen Prompts

I had a very long ask game where people gave me fake titles and I came up with fic ideas to go with them. Multiple people asked to use some of them as prompts, and some of my friends have lately maligned the lack of gen prompts out there, so I decided to compile them all into a single post. Almost all of these are gen, aka not shipping, but you can do what you want I’m not your boss. Everything is free and open to use WITH CREDIT, so have fun with my word vomit.

1. In Dreams I Had the Sun - Being the number one hero isn’t all it’a cracked up to be, Toshinori realizes early on

2. The Chainlink Fence that Held the Ocean - In his new book post-retirement, All Might opens up about his regrets, struggles with mental health, and his issues with the hero system as a whole. The backlash is swift and intense.

3. Welcome to the Loud Silence - After an injury, Izuku is rendered deaf.

4. Water Since Turned Red - After a villain attack nearly kills All Might, the beach where Izuku used to go to find comfort now feels tainted.

5. all scrap left untouched is bound together - A group hero students who failed the provincial license exam for the third time, effectively ending their careers before they start, get together to take revenge on UA’s first years who beat them out.

6. You’ve saved more more times than you know - Times All Might saved people without his powers, just by being a cool, nice dude.

7. No Amount of Tragedy Can Justify Your Actions - A dying All for One tries to justify his centuries of cruelty to an uncaring Toshinori.

8. To Leave a Cage Locked - One for All is conscious and has a will of its own, one that doesn’t always line up with Izuku’s wellbeing.

9. Okay, who let in the Kraken? - Izuku is the reincarnation of an ancient eldritch horror.

10. keep us alive up above - Izuku and Shigaraki get trapped together somewhere. Izuku knows he needs the villain’s help to survive and escape, but the other would rather they both die.

11. The world will revolve around me neither less - The ebbs and flows of AFO’s influence over the years.

12. More Roulette, Not Russian - Kids get their quirks swapped.

13. Patron Saints - Toshinori teaches a class about pre-quirk superhero comic characters and their influence.

14. Don't Come Back - Touya Todoroki’s first few weeks after a severe injury resulted in his father abandoning him.

15. The Blessed and the Fool - Toshinori meets up with a few of his ua classmates after retiring.

16. Not Your Sacrifice - Some of the other kids have started adopting some of Izuku’s self sacrificing habits and the teachers are concerned.

17. Break in the Storm - Villains use a power outage as an opening to break into ua.

18. One Day Those Consequences Will Finally Catch Up - Even though the teachers don’t take her concerns seriously, Inko saves every piece of evidence regarding people hurting her son.

19. a garden in their eyes - Izuku meets a fan who got injured after trying to step into a villain fight, just like he did, and it makes him question some things.

20. what could have been, if not for you - After Inko divorces him, Hisashi’s goes to the press to say All Might stole his wife and son.

21. Promised Misery - All Might finds out the severity of Bakugou’s bullying, and warns him he’s on thin ice with him.

22. Fly Up Higher, Blossom Brighter - Izuku has to write a paper for middle school about being positive, intercut with all the bullshit he has to deal with.

23. Libre Me from Hell - One of Izuku’s new quirks is spiral related.

24. No One to Blame but Yourself - Izuku’s kindness doesn’t extend to murderers, tragic backstory or not.

25. At Its Finest - Izuku accidentally gets involved in a hero commission coverup.

26. A Rising Issue - Izuku starts developing more severe side effects of his injuries. He’s convinced he’s under the influence of a quirk, while the adults thing he’s finally gone too far hurting himself.

27. What you are in the Dark - Izuku usually keeps most of his anger to himself until he can’t.

28. nowhere to go - Inko moves into UA after their home was destroyed.

29. Something Without - My theory about the 2 OFA vestiges that are blurred out is they don’t approve of izuku as a successor. Izuku tries to figure out why.

30. Walking with a Ghost - Toshinori joins the OFA dreams while he’s in a coma. He gets to reunite with nana, and is more open to Izuku about his past and feelings. Part of his starts to wonder if it’s worth waking up, since he will die and join the others eventually.

31. Death By Crying - Izuku is affected by a quirk that will suffocate him if he expresses any emotion.

32. Justice is Subjective - The hero commission gets to Shigaraki before AFO does.

33. Undo / Underdog - Death loop fic. Izuku keeps reliving the day he met all might after being killed by the sludge villain. he has to find a way to break the loop and survive, but he gets s little weaker every time he restarts.

34. Like Wildfire - A rumor that Izuku is All Might’s bio son picks up steam, and the characters have to decide whether to deny it but risk suspicion or play along and add a new layer to the lies protecting one for all.

35. Once Upon A December - All Might and Inko actually met in the past trope.

36. Some Legends Are Told - All Might’s first interview post-retirement.

37. Will The Real Mentor Please Stand Up - Aizawa considers himself the better teacher, but a lot of the kids seem to like All Might more.

38. I don't want the cure, I want the POISON! - Inko is killed in a hit and run, and Izuku becomes desperate to find the killer.

39. I will kill my heart before I dance on stage for these bigots - Izuku is interviewed as a rising star of UA, and the interviewer brings in some of his old bullies because they claimed to be his friends from middle school. Izuku does not play along.

40. Split Ends - A quirk gives Izuku brief visions of what would have happened if he made different decisions.

41. Dreamless Sleep - A One for All dream leaves Izuku with a cryptic half-warning, and he desperately experiments to try and figure out how to trigger the visions to get the rest of it.

42. toxic flowers and pretty blades - Young Inko escapes the constricting life of her cruel wealthy family by becoming a vigilante.

43. The Suns we Orbit - Some of the other teachers believe Izuku is too codependent on Toshinori, and separate them for a time.

44. Submerged - Similar to those buried alive fics only someone’s in a box at the bottom of the ocean.

45. Deprive - Izuku also loses his stomach to an injury, and struggles to adjust to the necessary lifestyle changes.

46. The ashes fall like snow - Post Kamino cleanup.

47. Home will always be here - Inko cares for Izuku after he’s sent home due to “trouble at work study” but he refuses to clarify what that means.

48. Playing Favorites - A look at several times where Izuku was punished, while Bakugou got off scot free.

49. Elusive Dreams - Some kind of training or issue forces the kids to stay away for several consecutive day, and they start losing it.

50. Fracture - Izuku struggles through physical therapy after a severe injury that leaves his hero career in question.

51. Starlight, Starbright - Space cadet au

52. Someone in Your Corner - Gran Torino looking after Nana, Toshi, and finally Izuku through the years.

53. I cast magic missile into the darkness - Generic “the gang plays d&d” fic.

54. One Month At A Time - Izuku breaks a limb, and has to let in heal naturally over the course of several months.

55. Head Above Water - Izuku runs out of his pain meds and can’t get access to more doses for a while, so he has to endure not only the pain, but the withdrawal symptoms.

56. Are you going to leave a path to trace - All Might uses a new strategy to try and get Izuku to be less self sacrificial: what about all the young kids who are going to look up to him?

57. The View from Halfway Down - Izuku realizes that a risky move has just landed him with a potentially life threatening injury, but the fight it still going.

58. The Dust Bites Back - A villain All Might defeated early in his career is back and out for revenge.

59. The Absence of your Worth - Nighteye thinks he’s put together a rock solid case for why izuku isn’t worthy of One for All. All Might’s response is to ask if he has something against quirkless people.

60. Behind the Screens Nobody is Afraid - All Might explains some of the context of his most popular hero videos to Izuku. They are much more tragic than the media has spun them in hindsight.

61. Under the Light of the Moon - Someone gets turned into a werewolf. And I ain’t talking the wattpad piss shit. I’m talking full-on back-breaking monstrous transformations into a bloodthirsty abomination set to Bad Moon Rising.

62. some dreams were made to be broken - Bakugou crosses a line and finally gets expelled.

63. You Say You're Into Closure - Izuku finally beats Bakugou in a one on one fight fair and square, but Bakugou is a sore loser.

64. Something or Someone Missing - AU’s memories of Izuku get wiped, but those closest to him can’t help but feel an absence.

65. Too Little Too Late - Izuku’s father returns to find he’s been replaced.

66. Collecting Dust - Inko goes through the stuff Izuku didn’t take to the dorms.

67. Where the souls of wanderers go - Toshi meets up with a retired hero support group.

68. Fragility of Trust - Suspected traitor au

69. no one answered - Izuku is trapped in a cell in a building that’s collapsing in slow motion due to a quirk.

70. Eye of the Storm - One of the other kids has a panic attack for the first time between public appearances. izuku has never seen from from the outside.

71. To Whom It May Concern - The kids find a mysterious collection of letters from previous students hidden in the ceiling of the classroom. Some are ominous, some are incomprehensible. Aizawa has no answers. They enthusiastically go to try and solve the mystery within, but that excitement quickly diminishes the more they find out.

72. Of Popsicles and Ponytails - All Might gets in a discussion with the other teachers about whether the Clark Kent glasses thing would actually work. All Might bets them it does, so he goes around town with no disguise other than his hair being up, and no one bats an eye.

73. All Men are Not Born Equal - Word gets out to the public that izuku used to be quirkless. Everyone finds out just how deep anti-quirkless sentiments run when some begin to question whether a quirkless kid should be at ua, regardless of whether or not he has a quirk now.

74. Childhood is the kingdom where nobody dies - Something about encountering death in person for the first time being the dividing line between child and adult.

75. Sins of the Father - All for One has had many children over the centuries, and has made numerous attempts to groom them into the ideal heir with several different methods. None of them worked though.

76. Where The Dead Come To Rest - The kids come home after a long, grueling mission where they saw some shit, and are too tired to process what they went through. They take off their gear for plain clothes, then sit in the common room in silence long into the night, not wanting to open themselves up but also not wanting to be alone.

77. Rivalry - Nighteye tries to pit Izuku and Mirio against one another. It goes right over Mirio’s head, but Izuku becomes convinced the other boy is in on Nighteye’s plan to wear him down until he gives up One for All.

78. A Subtle Language - All Might and Nana never said out loud that they loved each other, but little things told them that they did. All Might hopes to pass a similar love down to his own successor. But Izuku is very different than himself as a kid, and he needs to learn a new subtle language of affection.

79. It’s Gone - One for All stops working one day.

80. A Sight For Sore Eyes - All Might looking after Izuku in the aftermath of the second movie.

81. Loose Lips (sink ships) - Bakugou blurts out something about One for All during a rage, so the rest of the class jump on him and Izuku for answers.

82. No Expectations - Word gets out that All Might is going to choose a successor. None of the theories or speculation online resemble Izuku in the slightest.

83. Eden was Only a Garden - Izuku gets hit with a quirk that erases some of his most traumatic memories, but in doing so loses part of who he is.

84. Run it Down - With all Izuku’s new quirks and his incredible skill, some of the other students with similar powers (Iida, Sero, Uraraka) start to feel like izuku is upstaging them. And it affects their friendship.

85. Fool's Gold - Bakugou grows even more jealous of Izuku having One for All, and his relationship with All Might. He thinks that if he could just prove himself to be more worthy, All Might would change his mind and name him his successor. But in reality, he ends up jeopardizing the relationship they already have.

86. somewhere down the road - The final deadline for Nighteye’s predictions passes, and All Might lives. He debates telling Izuku, as even though it would be a weight off the boy’s mind, he doesn’t want to jinx it. He will still die eventually after all.

87. Just For You - All Might has certain rules and boundaries for fan interactions that he completely ignores for Izuku.

88. if these walls could talk (their whispers would be maddening) - Montage of training accidents in a ‘cursed’ ua gym

89. If Only I Could... - Nighteye tells Mirio about One for All, including that he thinks he’s more deserving than Izuku and he plans to pressure him into giving it up. Mirio struggles with the knowledge that his mentor, someone he respected more than anything, only saw him as a replacement for All Might, meanwhile watching Izuku strain under the pressure of that mentor’s impossible expectations.

90. This is a Test Designed to Provoke an Emotional Response - shameless Blade Runner AU

91. Once and for All - Retelling of the Superman story “What’s So Funny About Truth, Justice, and the American Way?” with All Might. Some new heroes use much more aggressive and violent tactics against villains while also upstaging All Might. That, and there general approval from the public cause All Might to question his moral code.

92. Sitting In The Rain - Tsuyu likes to just sit out in the rain sometimes. Not do anything, just sit there. Some friends decide to join her.

93. At Sundown - Mysterious creatures start attacking ua every night. The gang works tirelessly during the day to find the cause and a solution, while defending their school and each other at night.

94. The 1000th time's the charm - Uraraka has been practicing a new move in secret but they just can’t get it right. She wants it to be perfect before showing it off. But one attempt gets her seriously hurt while training alone at night in one of the gyms, and she’s too hurt to get up to the phone to call for help.

95. Sunflower Seeds - All Might attempts to start a garden as a new hobby.

96. What It Means To Be Human - Sun god Toshi starts living among people.

97. Eyes on Me - All Might teaches Izuku some unarmed fighting moves to defend himself from bullies.

98. one remains - Izuku has developed all but one of the quirks he’s slated to, and he has no idea what it will be. Anxiety ensues.

99. Come Back Home - Izuku vanishes from campus and everyone assumes he was kidnapped, but in reality he ran away to try and clear his head after a depressive spiral. He goes by train as far away as he can until he comes to his senses and calls the others.

100. I Won - Izuku accidentally managed to kill Shigaraki during a skirmish, and while everyone around him praises his heroics, he struggles to deal with the fact that he killed someone.

101. Ivory Tower - All Might grapples with how much izuku suffered as a quirkless person, how he could have done more for quirkless rights in his time as a hero, and how now people may not care as much because he’s retired.

Reminder to credit me if you use any of these prompts, and a special thanks to everyone who submitted titles!

#mha #bnha #mha prompts #bnha prompts #mha fanfiction #bnha fanfiction #my hero academia #boku no hero academia #dad might #all might #toshinori yagi #midoriya izuku #deku #bakugou katsuki #aconstantstateoffanfiction

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wxsuthorn · 4 years

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ranking every single asian drama/series/movie that i have ever watched

(this isn’t 100% accurate cuz I’ve decided to include shows that are still airing and they may move up or down on the list once they’ve finished airing. Shows with multiple seasons/spin-offs will be counted as one unless I decided that they’re too different to be in one rank. And lastly, I don’t dislike the shows that are low on the list—unless I explicitly say so—I’ve just watched a shitload of dramas, so don’t attack me if ur fave is at 26 or smth lmao)

I did my best to keep the explanations short and avoid spoilers

1. The Gifted

Are you surprised? Do I even need to explain?

2. HIStory 3: Trapped

Again, should be pretty self-explanatory. The plot? The acting? The tropes? Utter perfection.

3. 3 Will Be Free

Haha. 3wbf... is 3rd place. It’s just amazing and so criminally underrated.

4. Until We Meet Again

I LOVE THIS SHOW SM I WATCHED IT 7 TIMES KLJFSLKJDFS I JUST LOVE IT PLUS FLUKE’S ACTING AND DEANPHARM ARE JUST SO HEALTHY AND WHOLESOME AND CARING I LOVE THEM.

5. He’s Coming To Me

a GODLY show !!! SO UNDERRATED. Ugh that rooftop scene TT.

6. The Untamed

I know it’s shocking that this isn’t higher up IM SORRY OKAY but this show was so good i cried so much lksjlfjdsfdjlkf GOD TIER.

7. Theory of Love

G O D L Y. It has the best scenes that just punch you in the gut and make you cry while you think about them at night.

8. Great Men Academy

WHY DOES NO ONE TALK ABOUT THIS SHOW. anyways i would die for tangmo.

9. Cherry Magic

MY FAVOURITE ON AIR SHOW. It’s so fucking good and it’s sooooo relatable and cute and fun and just GOOD. Ugh it’s a whole blessing. Literally the concept is also just amazing, plus the representation is actually accurate?? LIKE ITS SO RELATABLE JLSJFKJKJKD AND REAL. AND THE CHARACTERS ARE SO KLJLKFJDLKJLSKJD.

10. I Told Sunset About You

THE SETS ARE SO PRETTY. THE VISUALS. ASTOUNDING. THE ACTING KSLJFKJLDF. It exceeded my expectations holy crap and the chinese culture incorporated into it feels so nice and genuine. literally i watched some of it today before my chinese class lmao. OMG AND THE OST.

11. Mr. Heart

ugh this show stole my heart (pun intended).

12. Dark Blue Kiss

SO. GODDAMN. UNDERRATED. THE WAY IT ACCURATELY REPS LGBTQ+ YOUTH’S RELATIONSHIPS WITH THEIR PARENTS AND COMING OUT AND EXPECTATIONS G O D L Y

13. Oxygen

SOFT. HEALTHY. CUTE. H E I G H T D I F F E R E N C E.

14. 2gether

would’ve been higher if it werent for the last two episodes of the show, but still2gether redeemed it quite a bit.

15. HIStory 2: Crossing The Line

QIU ZIXUAN LKDSJFLDJLJFDKJSLJ CUTE AS FUCK.

16. Where Your Eyes Linger

tHAT OST. AND THE LAST SCENE. I MEAN SHIT SLJFSDKJFLSDJFK.

17. HIStory 2: Right or Wrong

it’s so soft and at first i was so hesitant to watch it with the age gap but it was surprisingly like really healthy? and like the mom with the fruit knife?

18. Love By Chance

IM SORRY I PUT THIS SO LOW its just that klano and tumtar were not my cup of tea and i watched it mostly for aepete only for them to be apart at the end of season 1. I like season 2 but this time i only have tincan...

19. Gameboys

okay i was going to put this way higher because ITS SO FUCKING GOOD LITERALLY but then again i felt more impressed/attached to the ones above... BUT LITERALLY PEARL AND CAIREEL ARE JUST SDLSJDFSKDFL THE BEST.

20. Sotus

If i could put multiple shows in one rank i would but ive decided not too cuz then there would only be 6 ranks with 10 shows in each one... that’s why sotus is so low TT SORRY I LOVE IT BUT I LOVE OTHER SHOWS A LITTLE MORE.

21. 2Moons2

it was enjoyable. I didn’t like the main couple much tho.

22. Red Wine In The Dark Night

omg this movie i really liked it especially the ending it was really symbolic and i really like slight-horror type things. also FLUKE !!!! a KING of acting.

23. Transit Girls

SOFT WLW.

24. My Engineer

don’t get me wrong i love this show BUT it’s yet another engineering concept and i just don’t see it going above the other dramas...

25. Why R U

the plot was messy but the chemistry between the actors saved the entire show.

26. TharnType

I KNOW ITS LOW DONT KILL ME the plot was good but i don’t like how lhong was painted as a misunderstood little boi like HE IS A CRIMINAL DONT GIVE HIM A REDEMPTION ARC AND DONT TRY TO MAKE ME PITY HIM. also the non-con was uncomfy as hell.

27. A Round Trip To Love

THE CINEMATOGRAPHY AND SYMBOLISM ON GOD ISLJFDLJD. i don’t see this movie as like... an example of a healthy relationship... but the story itself is really interesting and the way the characters change yet stay the same is cool.

28. The Shipper

i enjoyed watching it but i dont think i could rewatch it. it was good nonetheless, i don’t regret watching it at all.

29. Together With Me

it’s good. but the side plots/side couples were not it. yihwa is a queen tho.

30. Ingredients

SOOOOO CUTE LSKJFDKJJF. but the plot is kinda nonexistent but IT DOESNT MATTER CUZ ITS CUTE AND FLUFFY AND UWU AND JEFF.

31. The Effect

this show gave me depression but damn the theme was so real.

32. Guardian

everything was going great until the jin ling dude got a girlfriend and the end happened.

33. History 3: Make Our Days Count

i was spoiled for the ending and it ruined my watching experience TT

34. YYY

i love it

35. Addicted

It was my first bl drama and i really liked it but again the non-con/kidnapping thing makes me uncomfy. also IT WAS DISCONTINUED IM SO SAD SLKDJFLSKJDFKSJD IT ENDED ON A CLIFFHANGER THEN WAS CANCELLED TT

36. Make It Right

fuse took too long to break up with his gf honestly oasflsajdfaldj bUT FRAME AND BOOK.

37. My Gear And Your Gown

CUTE but its another engineering x medical student trope and it’s still airing so i dont have too much of an opinion on it.

38. Pearl Next Door

its still airing (only 2 eps are out as of the time im writing this) and istg if pearlex isnt endgame im suing.

39. Friend Zone

first season was good but season two is gripping me by the throat.

40. Because Of You 2020

CUTE

41. The Lover

i only watched the bl cuts but they were cute

42. Lovesick

season one was great but season 2 was too long i skipped so much of it lmao.

43. Puppy Honey

ngl i only watched it for offgun lmao. season one was good and i watched the hets too but season 2 was when i only watched the offgun scenes lmao

44. En Of Love

tossara was my fave cuz they cute and healthy.

45. As If You Whisper

it was so short but so nice TT.

46. I’m Tee, Me Too

still airing... kinda pointless?

47. 2 Moons

the acting... oof

48. My Dream

it started out so promising but THE FUCKING ENDING WAS LKSDJFLKS

49. Kiss + Kiss Me Again

I only watched the petekao scenes lmao.

50. History 1: Away From Me

cutee

51. History 1: Obsession

interesting?

52. HIStory 1: My Hero

fine

53. My Day

i dropped it... tell me if i should get back into it cuz i kinda just wasn’t feeling it.

54. Lily Fever

cute wlw but it made no sense?

55. Hotel Stars

sorta dry lmao

56. The Best Twins

i dropped it but thor was epic

57. Reminders

PERTH’S ACTING KSJLFDJL but like what was the point? idk it was kinda frustrating.

58. 2Wish

i honestly don’t even remember what happened lmao

59. The Moment; I Need You

i just couldn’t when the guy faked an od. other than that it was eh. second season was better than the first (idk if it counts as a season tho cuz its so short)

60. Waterboyy (series)

DISGUSTING I HATE IT SO MUCH ITS TERRIBLE FUCK THIS SHOW I DESPISE IT

#this was so hard to do #so many good shows #the gifted graduation #2gether #bl drama #theory of love #love my chance #thai drama #tharntype #uwma #he’s coming to me #pearl next door #oxygen #the gifted #tgg #the last and first rank were the easiest to decide #fuck waterboyy honestly #all my homies hate waterboyy

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zeravmeta · 4 years

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fuck it. soma cruz fgo servant profile bc i make my own content

Servant: / Servant Class: Soma Cruz / Alter Ego

Origin: / Region: Castlevania Series / Japan, 2035

Alignment: Lawful Neutral(?) “Yeah, not sure how I classify as Lawful given my past life, but whatever.”

Aliases: The Dark Lord, Dracula, Soma Cruz

Parameters: STR (B) / END (A+) / AGL (B+) / MP (EX) / LUK (A) / NP (???)

Class Skills: Authority of Beasts (Fake), Core of Chaos (A), One Who Severs Fate (A)

Character Info: “In order for God to be perfectly Good, there must always exist an embodiment of Chaos, a Dark Lord to emerge from the evil of humanity’s hearts.”

For one thousand years, the Belmont bloodline had opposed the terrible night that Count Dracula would bring with his powers. After generations of suffering, the Belmont’s latest mantle bearer, Julius Belmont, along with their generational allies, the Belnades clan and a nameless soldier, had managed to permanently defeat Dracula with the help of the Hakuba Clan’s shrine magics. Severing his connection to his power and sealing Castlevania, the embodiment of his power, within a solar eclipse, Dracula had finally faced his demise in 1999, prophesied by Nostradamus one millennium ago. Thus, the strongest Dark Lord had fallen, his throne empty and awaiting a new master.

In 2035, Soma Cruz had visited the Hakuba Shrine to meet with his childhood friend Mina, unaware of the birthright he would claim.

Skills:

Chaos Ring A: An extremely powerful construct that channels the very essence of Chaos. It can only be found by the one who can traverse and control the Chaos Realm, the Dark Lords personal right. Wearing it grants the unlimited magical power of the Chaos Realm, but actual output depends on the user. If the Demon King’s Ring is the symbol of Dracula and his reign, then the Chaos Ring could be considered the symbol of Soma and his new beginning.

Thematic narratives aside, it’s a very convenient tool for Soma.

“It’s weird, but it feels like…it was made for me. Almost like a welcome gift.”

[5->3 Turns] [Charge NP (20%->30%), Increase NP Gain (10%->25%) (3 Turns), Gain a Delayed buff 1 turn after skill use (Unremovable): [Charge NP (20->30%)]

Armament Master D: Soma is extremely proficient at using any and all forms of weaponry. Due to Dracula’s vast reach, Soma has a vast number of different modern and mythical weapons and gear at his disposal, notable weapons including Excalibur (sealed in the stone), Hrunting, Caladbolg, Mjolnir, and even a Positron Rifle, to name a few. However, one weapon unique to Soma is the Claimh Solais, an Irish sword of light mentioned in many legends and defining the archetype of “Sword of Light.” It provides a great boost to parameters and is surprisingly light weight despite its size. Another unique weapon he wields is the Valmanway, the “Blessed Wind” that is always ‘cutting’ even when still.

(The rank is D because despite his proficiency, Soma has never had any formal training.)

“I mean, it’s just a sword, right? How complex is it? You can just swing it and things die. Though…considering I have ol’ Drac’s memories…sorta, maybe I’m just remembering it?”

[8->6 Turns] [Increase Atk (10%->20%) (3 Turns), Gain Critical Stars (5->15), Increase Critical Star Absorption (3000%) (3 Turns), Increase Critical Damage (10%->20%) (3 Turns), Apply Special Attack against Sky, Star and Beast attribute enemies (20%->40%) (3 Turns)]

Power of Dominance (EX): Soma’s inheritance from Dracula, or more fittingly, the Chaos Entity opposite to God. The Power of Dominance is a unique ability that grants a complete mastery over the abilities of any and all souls Soma can acquire from the enemies he defeats. All the monsters that Dracula unleashed in his crusade against humanity are the countless souls under his domain, even that of Death itself, and their powers rightly belong to him.

Soma can differentiate between the types of Soul Arts he uses, and this reflects accordingly in his Noble Phantasm.

“I never wanted this power, but I guess I’m stuck with it. I’ll always carry the target on my back, but at least I can look awesome as hell while doing it, I suppose.”

[5->3 Turns] [Decrease Enemy Charge by 1 (20%->50%), Select own NP Command Card’s type between Quick, Arts or Buster for 3 Turns. Effect of NP changes depending on which Command Card Type is selected. This skill is immune to debuff effects (such as Skill Seal)]

Noble Phantasm:

Advent of Sorrow – He Who Severed His Fate Against Chaos and God / Anti-Divine, Anti-Self / Rank (???)

A manifestation of Soma’s power truly made his own, separate from the title of Dark Lord and Dracula. Having defeated the Chaos Entity, he managed to sever its connection to his soul, and be saved from his Fate. Even so, he carries the Power of Dominance with him always, and the countless souls and followers of Chaos always wait and offer themselves unto Soma to lead and command them. In his own imperfect way, neither holy nor demonic.

After all, he’s only human.

(Note: If used by the true Count Dracula, this would be considered an Anti-Humanity NP)

[Type: Buster] – [Deals massive damage to a single enemy (1200%->2400%), Chance to Decrease Charge by 1 (80%->100%). Overcharge: Increases own Buster Card Effectiveness (20%) (1 Turn) and NP Damage (1 Turn) (20%) (Activates First)]

[Type: Arts] – [Deals heavy damage to all enemies (400%->800%), Chance to decrease Atk (15%->25%) and Critical Chance (20%->30%). Overcharge: Inflict Curse (5 Turns).]

[Type: Quick] – [Apply Debuff Immune (1 Time), and Restore HP each turn for self (3 Turns) (1000->1500), and Increase NP Gauge each turn for self (3 Turns) (5%). Overcharge: Apply Def Up for all allies (3 Turns) (25%->50%).]

Bond Lines:

Bond 1: “Heh, thanks for having me! I’m still not too sure about how all this stuff works here, but if you need a monster taken down, I’m your guy.”

Bond 2: “So the rest of those dudes call you ‘Master’? Kind of awkward, but I guess they’re magical familiars at the end of the day. What? So am I? Sorry but, vampiric powers aside, I’m just a normal guy. I was even in University before I got dragged here. I’ll just call you [name] for now.”

Bond 3: “Do you like curry? Arikado said I shouldn’t be using these monster souls for dumb stuff, but they don’t mind. They always talk to me and really want to help me out wherever I am. Except Death, that guy sucks. He’s always breaking into my home and trying to convince me to become the next Dark Lord and to ‘accept my throne’ and stuff.”

Bond 4: “…It scares me, sometimes. Knowing not only what I am, but what I’m very capable of.”

Bond 5: “Y’know…you could always come back with me to my world, if you want to escape. I’ll take you to meet Mina, and Hammer and Yoko and Julius and Arikado and…Hm. Sorry. I know you can’t abandon this world, it’s where you grew up. There’s…a lot of people here who love you. You should always remember that and hold it close. It saved my life when I thought I couldn’t go on, and I know it will also save yours.”

Voice Lines:

(1): “I’m glad this place is a lot simpler than the castle. That place had so many hidden rooms and puzzles that I felt like I was going insane…No, as a matter of fact, DON’T tell me about all the secret workshops here.”

(2): “Hm? What’s up? I’m just relaxing here. Sorry if I’m taking up space. It’s nice to just take a moment.”

(3): “No, no, don’t worry. Even if I could, I’m not the type of guy to just go around stealing souls. I only do that to monsters, and even then, they become complacent once they return to me. I could show you some of the fun ones, like the Skeleton Gardener, if you’d like.”

Likes: “What I like? Curry! Oh, and Mina. She’s been with me for my whole life. I don’t know what I’d do without her.”

Dislikes: “This is gonna sound cliché, but garlic. It just tastes bad.”

Event: “Whoa, a party! Let’s go, I’m super bored cooped up in here.”

About The Holy Grail: “Wish granting? No thanks, I’ve read a ton of comics and things always go wrong. What? Of course, it’s a valuable source!”

Summon Quote: “Yo! My name is Soma Cruz. I’m just a regular high school student. Um…Where am I, exactly?”

Happy Birthday: “Happy Birthday, [name]! I’m so gonna throw you the coolest party ever! I’ll even invite Mina…If, uh, if that’s cool with you?”

(King Hassan): “D-Death!? Why are you…Oh. Uh, sorry about that. You reminded me of...someone. I’m sure you’re a cool guy underneath all that armor.”

(Vlad/Vlad III (EXTRA)): “Huh. So, in this world, the legend of Dracula is just that? A legend? Well, that’s a huge relief. I’m not exactly the kingly type.”

(Gilgamesh/Gilgamesh (Caster)): “Hey [name], could you give me a hand? This gold idiot keeps saying I stole his weapons, but they’re mine! …Hey! Stay back with those portal things! Someone, help!!!”

(Scathach): “Jeez, I bet Arikado will get along with that slave driver. Seriously, Arikado’s method of teaching me my powers amounted to locking me in a room with monsters and a pocketknife. Huh? She’s stomping over here!? [name], help me!”

(Marie Antionette): “I don’t know why, but…Looking at you makes me sad. I’m sorry.”

(Sessyoin Kiara): “Master, this lady is coming onto me WAY too hard. She keeps telling me to ‘embrace what I am’ and junk. I already get enough of that crap from cultists back home.”

(Sakata Kintoki/Astolfo/Romulus/Romulus-Quirinus/Ashwatthama): “Hey, you’re a pretty cool dude, huh? Finally, someone with some style!”

(Amakusa Shirou): “Ugh, you remind me of Fortner. And stop using rosaries around me, I’m not Satan, you jerk!”

(Mephistopheles): “Please, leave me alone. I’m not evil, nor will I ever be the Dark Lord. Just because I have those powers doesn’t mean I’m defined by them. Also, the alarm clock you gave me exploded, so I don’t think you’re all that trustworthy anyways.”

(Beni Enma): “Aww, you’re so cute...Wait, from the Underworld? A yokai? Guess you’re one of mine, then. If you want, I can loan you some Skeleton Waiters for your chain.”

(Any Avenger-Class Servant): “Hey, you guys are kinda like me! Everyone says you’re evil, but you’re actually really nice!”

(Arcueid Brunestud): “Master, that girl is shooting me some pretty weird looks....Huh? Reincarnating vampire? Oh, I guess I’d look pretty weird in that case. That’s not her fault, though. Maybe I’ll go say hi.”

QQABB Deck:

Buster Card: 2 Hit / -Soma raises Excalibur (still in the stone) and smashes it into the enemy-

Quick Card: 5 Hit / -Soma holds Valmanway in front of him, turns around, and multiple slashes envelop the enemy-

Art Card: 3 Hit / -Soma does two horizontal strikes, then a third overhead strike with Claimh Solais-

Extra Card: 6 Hit / -Soma punches twice, does a spin-attack with Claimh Solais, then jumps back and fires his Positron Rifle-

Level Up: “Whew…I feel so powerful.”

Ascension 1: “Whoo! Good job, [name].”

Ascension 2: “This…This is just like then…[name], maybe don’t do this anymore.”

Ascension 3: “Please…stop. I don’t know if I can pull myself back this time…”

Ascension 4: “I see. Well…as long as you’re by my side, I’ll never succumb. So please…don’t die.”

Battle Start ½: “Just how many monsters out there!? In any case, let’s do this thing!” / “I’ll carry the mantle and defeat this terrible night!”

Skill ½: “Bullet, set…Enchanted, set…Guardian, set…” / “How about some of this!”

Attack Selection ½/3: “Hmm.” / “Seriously!?” / “Nice.”

Attack ½/3: “Hraagh!” / “Take this!” / “You’re going down!”

Extra Attack: “Let’s see you handle THIS!”

Noble Phantasm Selection ½: “Are…Are you sure?” / “I’ll trust you on this.”

Noble Phantasm: “I will never be the Dark Lord…You, God, and The World will just have to deal with it!”

Noble Phantasm Damage: “I won’t…Submit...!”

Regular Damage: “Gah!”

Defeated ½: “Mina….” / “Julius…our promise…”

Battle Finish ½: “That was a close one…” / “Anyone need some healing? I have some spare spoiled milk…Oh wait, none of you have a Ghoul soul, huh?”

#fgo #fgo fanservant #soma cruz #castlevania #read this and catch my disease #fucking LOVE this funky little pimp coat lad #'but zerav this is way too op'- shut up i deserve this my cock is huge and yours can be to if you let go of such foolish notions and go ham

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doctor243 · 4 years

Text

The Girl Who Cried Wolf Chapter 6

Summary: 5 times MJ says ‘I love you’ and 1 time Peter says it back.

Characters: Michelle Jones, Peter Parker, Ned Leeds

AO3: Here

MJ knew she had a crush on Peter. Ned knew that she had a crush on Peter. In fact, the only person that seemed to be oblivious that she liked Peter, was Peter himself. But she was fine with that, because she didn’t need him to know. She was more than content to be his best friend, the girl who kept him on his toes and support him from the sidelines. Becoming an independent self-made woman wasn’t easy, and having a boyfriend would change the image that she’d worked so hard to build for herself. If only his damned smile from his damned frog-concealing mouth on his damned face weren’t so goddamned cute, she wouldn’t have a hard time holding herself back.

“What’s up, Loser?” she greeted, bumping into his shoulder affectionately on her way to her locker, and he turned around with a grin (goddammit Parker) on his face.

“MJ!” he squeaked, closing his locker and slinging his backpack over his shoulder. “How was the protest?”

“It was good,” she drawled as they walked together. “Nothing much has changed, but at least we got our voices heard.” Over the weekend, she’d participated in a protest against Big Pharma and it’s ridiculously unfair and sexist prices of everyday medicines. She hadn’t told him that she was going, but of course he knew – he was Peter frickin’ Parker.

“I wanted to go too,” he sighed. “But Mr Stark wanted me upstate to work on some stuff.” She snorted at that. Stuff.

“Why would you even go?” She asked, stopping in front of her locker and picking out her books. “Don’t you burn through normal medicines cuz of your crazy metabolism?”

“Well yeah!” He huffed, eyebrows scrunched up in frustration (goddammit Parker). “But that doesn’t make what they’re doing right, y’know?” And this. This, ladies and gentlemen, was why MJ was in love with the resident DorkTM who spent his free time parading New York in a red and blue onesie. Now she had to kill him before she kissed him.

“Guys!” The duo turned their heads.

“Ned!” Peter brightened, rushing over as the two exchanged their secret handshake while MJ silently took another guess at how long it must have taken them to perfect it.

“‘sup Nerd?” She reached over and gave him a hug.

“Oh my god,” Ned groaned. “I slept so late cuz of the freakin’ History essay.”

MJ froze. Oh no. “The History Essay?” She asked slowly. Oh no. Please don’t be due today. Please. Don’t. Be. Due. Today.

“Yeah!” Ned continued, oblivious to the colour draining from her face. “How is it fair to give us a weekend to do 6 pages?”

Fuck.

She’d been so preoccupied prepping for the protest and writing her speech (that went flawlessly, if she could say so herself) that she’d forgotten freaking homework.

“MJ?” She turned her head to see Peter looking at her with concern. “You ok there?”

“Um…” She stammered. “I… I might have forgotten to do it…”

“WHAT?!” Ned screeched, his cheeks wobbling slightly as his hands flew to his hair.

“I was busy prepping for the protest okay??” She argued. Think, MJ, she counselled herself. You could probably bribe Mr I-don’t-know-how-to-teach-History. What do you have to offer? Okay maybe murder would be better. No, no, no. Too far.

Ned was still freaking out, bless the Mother Hen. “But this is 40 per cent of our grade!”

“Gee, thanks for the reminder, Nerd!” She loved him, but God she needed to think.

“Um…” A small, forgotten voice belonging to a small Peter Parker spoke up. “You can use my outline.”

Her heart stopped as she slowly turned to look at Peter. And then it returned with a vengeance, slamming against her ribcage. Sweet, sweet Peter Parker. No one deserved him. Why did he make it so difficult for her to deny or depress her feelings for him? Stop being so goddamn perfect for crying our loud. However, the silence must have been making him self-conscious, because he started rambling.

“WELL, I mean I’ve got some extra quotes that I didn’t use, and I know that you’re a genius so you’ll be able to write it so it doesn’t come out as plagiarism. Not that you, of all people, would plagiarise, but I’ve pretty much outlined the arguments and the necessary facts and highlighted the quotes that I used so you can use the others.” His face was growing pinker by the second, and MJ was relishing in every single one. “I know you probably have a back-up plan, and don’t need my help, so I’m gonna shut up n-”

“I love you.”

She froze. She’d spat the words out before her brain had even processed what her heart had longed to say for years. This was not part of the plan. This was never going to be part of the plan. She was sure Ned was gaping like a fish in the background, but her mind was ferociously working to fix the damage done by her traitorous lips. Should she knock him out? No, Ned was a witness as well. Run? Then he would know that she meant it. Wait for him to react and plan from there. Now you’re talking.

“Wh-what?” Well, that wasn’t exactly what she’d expected. “Really?”

She looked at his wide eyes and stiffness, as though he couldn’t believe what he’d heard. As she observed his fist clenched tightly on his backpack strap, and his jaw muscles working overtime, the first conclusion that her mind came to was the one she chose – he doesn’t like me back; not like that.

“Dude, don’t get an aneurism, it was a joke.”

Immediately the hope in his eyes shattered like a glass window, and the impact nearly forced the breath out of her lungs. Hold your front, she counselled herself.

“Uh-um. Right. Haha,” he laughed awkwardly. “Of course! Ha…Ha!” The way his eyes darted around, looking at anything but her face unsettled her and she sighed inwardly. Sometimes she wished she wasn’t such a brilliant actor.

She rolled her eyes, carefully blinking away the stinging in her eyes. “Outline? You were saying?”

“Right! Right! Here you go!” Before she knew it, the outline was in her hand and she was alone, Peter having hurried off with Ned hot on his heels.

“This is bad,” she whispered to no one. “This is very bad.”

Previous Chapter: Here

Next Chapter: Here

Masterlist: Here

Tags: @you-guys--are-losers @spideychelleforever @spideychelleee @spidermaninlove @tonystarkissist @spideychellefics

#spideychelle #fanfiction #tgwcw #spider-man #homecoming #far from home #marvel #mcu #peter parker #michelle jones #mj

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leatherbookmarking · 4 years

Text

OK SO WELCOME 2 GUSU LIVEBLOGGIN because i reblogged but didn’t comment, like a little worm,

(from ch1)

1. lxc listening to (i assume) mainsteam radio warms my heart to no end

2. god!!! i’ve been sitting in the same place since i was born, essentially, but the feeling of returning to a beloved place!!! is v nicely shown here.... dreamy sigh i went to one (1) summer camp (? trip? who knows) and hated it 65% of the time but let’s blame that on me being 11 and not entirely into the concept of “rich kids in a catholic school” concept (lmao guess what junior high i went to 2 years later) BUT based on this into alone (and quarantine yearnings) i would 100% abandon everything and fuck off to gusu at any given moment

3. lan zhan is so protective of gusu hhhgggggg i am soft like tapioca pearls

4. i am soft like overcooked tapioca pearls... the way camp elders act with lwj is so ughhhh and “zhanzhan” ZHANZHAN!!! MOM I DIE

5. (through tears) WHAT HAVE YOU BEEN FEEDING HIM, XICHEN

6. (while vibrating) family dynamicsssssss

7. “Wen Qing unceremoniously shoving Huaisang over to be able to sit next to Wangji“ i love a girl

8. loving how lwj chooses not to ask re: mysterious new staff member when he’s still in the car with xichen, yknow? so he can react to it in peace and privacy, and then, as everyone’s like, oh you KNOW, considering who’s joining us this year! (lwj internally: who) oh don’t you know yet! (lwj internally: WHO. WHO!!!) wouldn’t you like to know!!!

9. wei ‘of course i am not experiencing any negative emotions, what are you talking about, i am SMILING, see? happy!” wuxian strikes BACK oh how i love this stupid boy

10. i vaguely remember you saying something something i don’t want to write serious stuff, they’re xianxia characters in a summer camp setting!, and then i was like OH HO BUT BY ALL MEANS, and then you did, and then i’m like :’’’’’’’’’’’’) it’s fine.jpeg hurt me!! hurt me with sixteen years old boys on a summer camp!!!

11. back 2 the present and xichen once again wins the mvp title. “alright, here’s the thing--”

12. ALRIGHT, HERE’S THE THING

13. baby

14. “Xichen,” he repeats, almost desperately, but everyone else clearly sees the opportunity to leave this particular situation“ SITUATIONAL COMEDY AT ITS FINEST!!!!

15. absolutely in love w/ how everyone takes one (1) look at lwj and decides ha! this sounds like a he problem! bye!!!

16. even xichen

17. ESPECIALLY XICHEN!!!

18. MIANMIAN MIANMIAN MIANMIAN being tiny!!! hugging lan zhan!!! i love you!!!

19. “you’re the one getting shorter” okay ao MAYBE my heart burst in my chest from sheer tenderness, but also maybe it DIDN’T. can you prove it? thought so!!!

20. tapioca update: it didn’t go well. however! if you ever need wallpaper glue,

21. picturing jc wrangling nhs fills me with so much joy also

22. GOD!!! wwx standing on top of the stairs!!! time stopping!!! ‘oh no he’s hot’!!!! LAN ZHAN YOU GAY DISASTER

23. lan zhan: Processes how hot wwx has gotten

wwx: STILL THE DEATH GLARE HUH :’D

Do I Have To Say Anything

24. “Wei Wuxian tries to match his death glare, a very valiant attempt for someone with a face as animated as him, and gives up about three seconds later, bursting into laughter“

CUTE!!!!!!!

25. THE EXODUS!!! AH THE DRAMATIC EXODUS!!!!! i am a BIG slut for “ugh you HAD to come back and LIGHT A FIRE IN MY CHEST AGAIN, you ASSHOLE >:/” moments, the SLUT LEVEL in me overshadows jin guangshan’s, i am QUEEN SLUT for moments like those B L E S S

in which we move onwards to ch2. will i embarrass myself further with excessive exclamation marks? let’s find out!!!!

26. “wow. you’re doing such a good job selling me this“ i was already in heart eyes over the bros but this line just!!! lol

27. IS LAN ZHAN GOING TO BE THERE

28. [DRAFT]!!!!!!!!!

29. lan xichen is having at least as much fun as i have with this situation, and i love it

30. but he does have the courtesy to look ashamed

31. from time to time :-)

32. but not always :-)

33. lan “brother i love you but you and wei wuxian should be KISSING as we speak so don’t you ‘you didn’t’ me :>” xichen

34. “do you remember how many rules he broke” you sure it’s just the RULES, my boy

35. i��m honestly, honestly really loving lxc here. like yes the two main idiots are delightful but... zewu-jun.... cute....

36. “all the other things his head is suggesting he do“ SNORT is “sit on the floor and sulk about wei wuxian daring to exist, and like this” one of them gfkhgfsk

37. “surely there’s no way in hell xichen would“ xichen, as soon as wangji went to his cabin: please. please. PLEASE

38. the part about crown shyness is tiny but so pretty. i feel severely lacking in summer camp tree trivia now

39. “And then Wangji sees him, and all rational thought promptly abandons him for dead“ wangxian summed up in one sentence (jk)

40. SO UH IS HE SINGLE i wholeheartedly enjoy wwx being Whacked

41. “when Wei Wuxian recalls the people who used to, and still should be, standing by his side, he only meets with a dismissive ‘Long story’ from his brother, and a somewhat nervous ‘I’ll tell you later’ from Nie Huaisang” oh? oh?? oh??? OH?????

42. oh yeah i forgot 2 mention before but lwj playing the guitar makes me feel... things... like yeah string instruments BUT guqin is so fancy and dignified, meanwhile guitar is... somehow... i mean of course lwj is a pro and makes everyone swoon playing the easiest chords but the THING is guitar is such a friend-shaped instrument... i need to lie down hold up

43. A NING A NING A NING A NINGGGGGGGG THE BOY IS HERE!!! making wwx almost inhale his harmonica no less! king of powerful entrances, truly

44. “what really happened to Nie Huaisang’s older brother, who was once ride-or-die for both Gusu and Lan Xichen (he got a job very far abroad, that’s all Wen Ning knows, and Wei Wuxian promises himself he’s going to pour some alcohol into Huaisang eventually to make him spill the beans)“ vibrates, at the speed of a hummingbird’s wings

45. the grass scene is wonderful 2 me for two reasons: one, WWX PLAYING A BLADE OF GRASS. i just watched a yt vid in which a dude does make it actually play, which is amazing, but my experience consists mostly of emitting one PTWEEEEET and making everyone almost jump out of their skins. good times! two, the contrast between this scene and the one in ep2... cql: wuji.mp3, slowmo, passionate gazes, wtg: wwx torturing a blade of grass, STILL making lwj (wayward) come to him. true love!!! truly true love!!!

46. yells @ wwx’s cute habit still being present

47. the following scenes are too gentle and sweet for me to formulate coherent thoughts.... i’m just sitting here, chihanding, sighing dreamily, thank you, bless

48. “Lan Zhan he once knew is still in there“ ah, sensei, sorry, i won’t be submitting my thesis this year.... i need at least six months to cope with this sentence... ご迷惑をかけて申し訳ございません

49. BABY WANGXIANS bonding over rabbits... lan zhan looking almost proud when wwx mentions his big brother...

50. “WE’RE GOING TO HAVE A GREAT SUMMER, YOU AND I” OI!!! WEI WUXIAN!!! WEI YING!!! is it legal to be so (gestures) CUTE at the tender age of nine??? hm???

#liveblogging #rolls into a ball wraps legs around neck (only a picture of my emotional state i can't do this in real life)

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dtissagirl · 5 years

Text

I fought the war but the war won

Warning: all the spoilers for Avengers: Endgame.

OF COURSE I have no doubt Natasha would sacrifice herself for the world in a heartbeat.

And between her and Clint, it's obvious her thinking is he can have a future with his ~family~, and she's obviously been insanely isolated these last five years, and filled with regret, and sacrificing herself for her found family [and saving the universe in the process] is worth it for her.

But my problem is I don't acknowledge the existence of Clint's family because that's a dumbass story idea from the worst movie ever GO AWAY LINDA CARDELLINI.

And watching Nat and Clint back together made my heart ache because those two belong together -- romantically if you prefer it so, but mainly together as in partners that work insanely well together in a fictional narrative. They have had this lived-in chemistry from the first Avengers, and I didn't realize how much I had missed it until this movie.

[Fuck Joss Whedon with a cactus forever.]

[Someone make me that Black Widow movie and show me Budapest. I DESERVE IT.]

...

And then the scene with all the dudes in the lake angry-mourning Nat looks REALLY REALLY BAD because the only thing that emotionally rings out of that scene is HOLY SHIT THEY FUCKING KILLED THE ONLY WOMAN OH MY GOD PLEASE END ALL MEN WRITING SUPERHERO STORIES BECAUSE THEY DON'T UNDERSTAND HOW HORRIBLE THE OPTICS ARE WHEN THEY FUCKING KILL THE ONLY ORIGINAL WOMAN AVENGER IN THE FIRST HALF OF THE MOVIE THAT'S SUPPOSED TO CELEBRATE THEIR LEGACY. HOLY FUCK.

...

Holy motherfucking shitballs what they did to Thor was a supreme case of extreme fatphobia. So fucking embarrassing. And they could have done the exact same depression/PTSD shit without a fat suit. Fatness is NOT a character flaw, and for this movie to think it's okay to portray it as such, and for most people in the audience to not even realize how horrible this is... well, that's the fatphobic world we live in everyday wherein thin people don't realize how fucking horrible they are about fatness ALL THE TIME. Ugh.

And hey, I think Hemsworth is a comedic genius at this point, and I'm super glad Hollywood at large has realized he can run circles of funny and comic timing around everybody else [THANKS, GHOSTBUSTERS!], but the fat suit soured it forever in this movie.

...

Look, I know at this point Goop is a hazardous danger to women's health at large, and call me a hypocrite for separating actor and character this particular time when I usually don't, but I love and adore and cherish Pepper Potts with all my heart.

SHE is the reason I'm so connected to the MCU. My hook wasn't any of the superheroes, it was Pepper in the first Iron Man movie. She's the glue that has made me engage with this universe so deeply for the last ten years. All the fanart, all the fic, all the fanworks ever I've created or consumed in the last decade, it has been all about how much I adore Pepper.

And to see her in the Rescue armor in the final battle, I just. I wasn't expecting it. I hadn't even thought it was ever gonna happen, but THIS was the true culmination of the past ten years for me. From now on, I can say it without a doubt every single time someone asks me who's my favorite Avenger. It's Pepper Potts.

[I also kept thinking about my friend S. She would have been so fucking ecstatic about this. It hit me right in the face when Pepper showed up in battle -- I so dearly wish S were here to see this.]

...

Okay, so, disclaimer: I don't have a horse in the Steve Rogers 'shipping infinity wars. I crack 'ship Steve with Maria Hill forever and ever because they would make the prettiest babies on the planet and I don't even like babies. The only part of Ultron that I acknowledge is Maria wearing Steve's jacket at the party. It's the ONLY thing that happened in that movie, NOTHING ELSE DID.

And I don't even blame Steve in any of this mess, to be honest.

The problem here is structural. The narrative went OUT OF THIS WAY to establish HOW time-travel works in this universe. They even got all gloat-y about how every movie ever made was wrong about the ~quantum physics~ of it. They even had bald Tilda Swinton MAKE A POWER POINT PRESENTATION about the rules of time travel.

They set up ONE very specific rule -- changing the past doesn't alter one's own future, it creates a separate timeline of events. O-kay. Pretty simple rule.

...And then Old!Cap who looks scarily like Joe Biden broke that one rule.

Because he did. He went back in time and put all the stones in their proper place in the timeline[1]... and *after that* he went back to the 40s to live happily ever after with Peggy[2], THUS ***CHANGING THE PAST*** and *****CREATING AN ALTERNATE TIMELINE*****.

So there's no. fucking. possible. way. he could have grown old in the original timeline.

And like. They could have fixed that by having Joe Biden Old!Cap legit come back IN THE TIME TRAVEL SUIT IN THE QUANTUM PLATFORM. THAT WOULD HAVE FIXED THIS PROBLEM. But they didn't, so they broke their own story.

And the consequence of this fuck up is... Steve a horrible person. [And even writing that makes me sad because he isn't? He wouldn't ever?] But by breaking their story and their own time-travel rules, it fucks up Steve so badly I wanna cry. So what, he lived a whole life in this same timeline, and did nothing to change anything? Did he marry the future DIRECTOR OF SHIELD and never told her about Hydra? About Bucky? Did he open a newspaper one day and read that Howard and Maria Stark died in a car accident and went, oops? Did he pretend he was sick when his wife told him she was going to the funeral of her lifelong friend?

Do you see how badly it looks? It's bad. The Steve I know and love doesn't deserve this. Please go punch the Russos in the face, Cap.

Notes:

[1] HOW did Steve even put the stones in jewel form back in their proper places in the timeline when they stole the Tesseract in cube form, the mind stone with the scepter, the whatever stone that was they got from Star Lord that was inside an orb... HOW do you even put the soul stone back, like, does Cap go to Vormir and goes, oh hey, RED SKULL MY OLD BUDDY, MY OLE TIME FELLA, here's your soul stone back? Does he get Natasha back for the stone? Isn't it a soul for a soul? Does it work in reverse too?

[2] Hey, so if Steve lived happily ever after with Peggy in this timeline did he erase her future kids? This is Barry Allen levels of fuckupdness, Steve. Gah. And also -- I would pay actual monies to watch time-traveler Steve explain to Peggy that after he went to her funeral he kissed her niece. This is why I 'ship Steve with Maria Hill, man. No complications. Only pretty.

Also: STEVE ROGERS ERASED THE ENTIRETY OF THE AGENT CARTER TV SHOW. That's pretty unforgivable, man. They even had TV show Jarvis right there in this movie driving Tony's dad around in the 70s to make THIS BETRAYAL hurt more.

...

Four hours after I watched the movie I remembered Tony died and started ugly crying again. I'm glad he had those five years of a good life, I'm so glad he had a kid -- that kid, so obviously HIS kid it hurt, I'm so glad Pepper and Rhodey and Peter were there with him in his last moments. I'm glad he got the proper hero death. It still hurts like a son of a bitch.

...

Professor Hulk is a forever delight and he and I need to become besties so we can talk about quantum physics and eat hulkish amounts of breakfast foods every day.

...

I find Thanos to be a complete bore, so every time he sat and started monologuing I stopped paying attention because I DESERVE TO NOT have to listen to giant purple incels pretending they ~know best~ about anything.

But I did appreciate that there was a difference in tone. This was 2014 Thanos, before he went full on cray cray with the monologuing, so he spoke less [bless], and he went full nihilist I AM GOING TO DESTROY THE ENTIRE UNIVERSE instead of only half of it ~for balance~ or whatever. Because Infinity Wars tried to make it like Thanos wanting to kill 50% of the universe had some sort of ~logic~ behind it, and that was way too close to ~both sides~ shit, and, no, son. Him wanting to destroy EVERYTHING put him in the right proper category of batshit crazy bananapants deranged, and that's where he should have been ALL ALONG, no ~he has a point~ arguments ever valid, he doesn't, he never did, shut the fuck up.

...

I actually really really enjoyed the pacing of this movie. Granted, I'm not stupid and I took a muscle relaxant beforehand so that I could sit still for one hundred and eighty two fucking minutes, but I honestly didn't feel it drag at all at any time [and I felt all the other Avengers movies drag at some point or another].

I appreciated it so much that the set up for the final battle took waaaaay longer than the final battle. [I know people go ga-ga for battle scenes, but eh. I prefer my superheroes as pretty people who talk really fast, and battles make them stop talking.]

My favorite sequence was the revisiting of the previous movies. I loved every single piece of it, and I know in my heart that I'm gonna rewatch those sequences over and over and over again for the rest of forever. THE CAP 2 ELEVATOR SCENE REENACTMENT BUT NOT REALLY OH MY GOD THAT WAS GLORIOUS.

Also Loki stealing the Tesseract [again!] was aces. Sure it was to set up extra time-travel shenanigans, but still. Loki and the Tesseract belong together. Please let this be the premise of the Disney+ series.

...

Even though battle sequences aren't really my thing, I would like to express my DEEP ABIDING LOVE for the part when all the women got together to help Peter move the Big Glove of Kitsch towards the van. My packed theater clapped so hard. I cried.

...

HOW DOES PETER PARKER GO BACK TO SCHOOL FIVE YEARS LATER AND HIS BUDDY IS STILL THERE DID HIS BUDDY FLUNK HIGH SCHOOL FIVE YEARS IN A ROW? WHAT?

...

Also Cap and the Hammer, the actual true love story of this movie. Thor's little "I knew it". I knew it too, buddy.

...

I'm gonna need Marvel to release the behind the scenes footage of the filming of Tony's funeral. I hope the cast had an actual party right there, all somberly dressed in black and everything.

...

After a full season of 22 episodes of television in a movie screen, this was a pretty great finale. Congrats on making the most expensive tv show of all time, Marvel. Excelsior!

#mcu #marvel cinematic universe #avengers #avengers endgame #endgame #movie #spoilers

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ncurfman · 4 years

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DJ: #47 Forty Year Old Wisdom

If you ever wonder, does life get better as you age? My answer is yes. If you chase after it. Even with some recent disappointments, I wouldn’t trade my life with anyone else. I’m grateful for the life I’ve lived, as I’ve lived it. The desire to “go back and fix” our past is useless. All we can do is embrace the movement forward. Willingly or unwillingly, life will move on.

For my small band of readers, I want to offer the little wisdom I have. And because wisdom is eternal, none of it is new or original. Still, what I have I give to you.

Jesus is real. The actual God of the Universe and beyond walked this earth, breathed our air, and burned under the same sun we do. He is our Light and our Exemplar, His love genuine and everlasting. And He is always available, ready to connect with us.

Let your meat rest after you cook it. Can’t stress this enough. Regardless of animal or cut, let your meat rest for a minimum of five minutes, ideally ten, before you cut into it. For big roasts and whole chickens, more like fifteen to twenty minutes.

Self-pity is not a virtue. With a truck-ton of experience to back me up on this, “feeling sorry for yourself” will accomplish zero in your life. I do not lack empathy for anyone, especially when life stacks up losses. The people I admire are the people who fight on and can laugh in the face of life’s bullshit.

Similar to the last: Being a victim is not a choice, staying a victim is. Rain is going to fall on you. Relationships will collapse, hopes will burn to ruin, and shame will come calling. So what? You are not your failures. Do not allow your pain to define you or drag you into shame.

Don’t let perfect defeat good. Perfect doesn’t exist. Don’t idealize jobs, institutions, leaders, people, or places. Once your stare hard enough you’ll see the cracks, and you’ll only have yourself to blame for having put the pedestal in place.

You are not alone. Depression and anxiety whisper “you’re stuck and alone.” That’s bullshit. You are a human. And whatever problems you face, others have faced. They were not special. You are not the exception. You can defeat the dragon.

Fight the dragon before it eats you. If you know you’re holding onto fear, or anger, or whatever, GO AFTER THAT SONOFABITCH! Don’t wait for your worries to run your life, because they will.

If you don’t like you, no amount of love will be enough. My search for self-affection took a long time. I set the final pieces in place this year, and it’s fantastic. Compliments mean far less than they ever did. So wild how that works.

Exercise. Everyday. A walk in nature is best. Not joking. Read this study, and this study, and this study.

Chill out. You’re gonna be ok. Start by telling yourself, “I’m gonna be ok” over and over.

The Christian walk is about way more than avoiding sin and constant self improvement. Walking with Jesus is an honor of joy. Creating room for Jesus to be Jesus ultimately leads to everything good and satisfying in life. Cut yourself some slack, and breath when the weight feels heavy.

Pray. All the time. About Everything. Yes. Jesus is one-hundred percent interested in every detail of your life- your gassy lunch, that dude at work, politics, everything. Which leads to...

Be honest in prayer. If you’re feeling disconnected, pissed-off, happy, horny, sad, tired, sleepy, jacked, overwhelmed, busy, lazy, unappreciated, overstimulated, unworthy, peaceful, thankful...etc, start there. I can’t stress enough how much the Lord needs us to be honest when we pray, mostly for us. The Father does not want to hear what we think we should say. Talk about what’s real in your life. Once or twice a week I start with, “Lord, I’m feeling sorry for myself.” Within a few minutes I am no longer mired in self-pity.

Show up everyday to something buried in your heart to do. Your heart, my heart, and your mom’s heart have something in them we want to do. A longing. We ache and sour when that thing is ignored and belittled. Let your heart breath and grow.

Drink more water.

Eat more veggies. As American’s, we don’t do veggies really well. Also, we think corn is vegetable. It is not. If you need help, look to Asia or Europe for ideas. YouTube is a great resource to learn how to cook greens or eggplant or cauliflower.

Stop watching bullshit. Stop listening to bullshit. Stop reading bullshit. Whatever we put into our soul influences how we see the world and interpret life. I love Elliott Smith’s music, but it’s depressing AF. Dude had a rough life, so I can’t listen to it.

You will always find a reason to do something...or not do that thing. This is from my dad, but it’s true. We humans will are quite amazing at finding ways to motivate or defeat ourselves.

You will always encounter resistance when it comes to anything worth doing. Start a business? Get into a new relationship? Change careers? The promise of something good eventually gives way to the path of its realization, which is difficult for every worth while venture. KEEP GOING.

Laugh. A lot. At dumb things. Our 21st century worship of the intellect is a damn travesty. It sucks the joy and wonder from the world far too often. Let yourself find joy in the silly and unexpected.

You can’t carry the world on your shoulders. I’ve tried. Many have tried. You are the rule, as we were. Let it go.

When you need to know what side the gas tank is, look at the gas gauge. Every car has an arrow on the gas gauge, and that gas gauge points to the side of the gas cap, right or left.

Butter, salt and pepper, and a touch of vinegar will make nearly anything taste better. Fat, acid, salt. I think that’s book. I’m not sure, but it’s basic Food Theory 101.

Quit trying to be an expert. True expertise requires years of dedication and intent. If you haven’t spent years intentionally engaged in something, lower your expectations. Be kind to yourself.

Talent is real, but it means nothing without dedication and persistence. Success is about endurance and grit. Ever see someone doing something and think “I could do that.” The truth is you probably could, but do you have their endurance?

Discounts are great, but not on the following items: Knives. Tattoos. Yeah....Seafood. Contractors.Mattresses.Lawyers.

Be disciplined, not controlled. Discipline is how we decided to respond to life. Control is how we try to get others to respond to life.

Challenge the narrative in your head. When we get anxious or stressed, we usually only see two choices: the ideal we want or the certain disaster. I love to ask myself “What if that’s not true? What else is possible?”

Speak life and you will have it. Listen to your thoughts and the words you speak. Are you speaking life to yourself? To others? Cynicism is the shield of the afraid and downtrodden. Pick your head up. Speak life over yourself, and don’t stop till you position your heart toward heaven.

Cultivate gratitude. Every single person has something to be grateful for. And most of us are lucky enough to have many blessings. Take time to recognize it in your life. Every, damn, day.

Judgment and comparison are thieves of life. If you find yourself in a position of constant judgment of others, or comparing your life to others...that’s your problem. It’s an act of self-protection. Take your ass on to Jesus and work through it.

Lard makes a superior buttermilk biscuit. I’ve tried shortening and butter. But lard makes a far superior biscuit.

Carbs are not evil, but too many carbs will make you fat. Enjoy your breads, potatoes, and rice noodles. Just make sure you eat your veggies and drink plenty of water.

Wild animals are...wild...animals. You should expect a wild animal to act like a wild animal no matter how cute or tame they may appear.

Procrastination is overhyped. I work better under the gun of a deadline. And I love the energy I get from knowing I’ve got to get a project finished. Besides, even if I’m not working on a project, I am thinking about it.

Trust the Lord with your life. I amaze myself how often I tried to make something work, failed, and yet I’m ok. I’m where I need to be, headed toward the place I need to be. At 40, I trust the Lord.

Love the Lord with all you heart, all your soul, and all your mind. Be patient, kind, long-suffering, forward-moving, enduring, hoping, faithing, forgiving, gracious, persistent, and honest toward the Lord. I’ve walked with the Lord for 20 years. It’s a real relationship. And loving Jesus is the best decision I’ve ever made, and continue to make.

Love your neighbors. Be patient, kind, long-suffering, forward-moving, enduring, hoping, faithing, forgiving, gracious, persistent, and honest toward your neighbors. Jesus never said it would be easy.

Love your enemies. Be patient, kind, long-suffering, forward-moving, enduring, hoping, faithing, forgiving, gracious, persistent, and honest toward your enemies. Only love can change an enemy into a friend.

Love yourself. Be patient, kind, long-suffering, forward-moving, enduring, hoping, faithing, forgiving, gracious, persistent, and honest with yourself. If you don’t love you, you will not believe anyone else can love you.

#tootiredtoedit #DJ #wisdom

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ihamtmus · 7 years

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I have an essay to write which means it’s the perfect time to answer some questions instead of doing that, right? I was tagged by my dear @hufflepuff-jedi. <3

Rules: Answer these 85 statements about yourself, then tag 20 people.

I tag @howlingdawn, @ultrawhalnar and @mailorderfictionalcharacter (not 20, I realise that)

Last;

1. Drink: tea (with milk) 2. Phone call: my sister 3. Text message: my mom 4. Song you listened to: wait for it from hamilton OH GOSH IT IS SO GOOD I WANT TO CRY 5. Time you cried: hah it was while watching videos about the original hamilton cast, i just love them so much. but i didn’t actually cry.. there were just tears in my eyes. so let’s say the last time i cried was two days ago after a stressful day at school when i called my mom to tell her about it. 6. Dated someone twice?: [insert that meme with the guy pointing at his head] you can’t date someone twice if you haven’t dated anyone once 7. Kissed someone and regretted it: bro read the previous answer carefully 8. Been cheated on: it is all connected you see, the answer is above 9. Lost someone special: my history teacher... oh and also my friend who hasn’t died but we’re not friends anymore. 10. Been depressed: like, for real? i had a really bad time like half of a year ago 11. Gotten drunk and thrown up: i don’t do this kind of stuff my guy

Fave colours;

12. bless you for giving space for three colours. that’d be dusty blue 13. brownish purple 14. green

In the last year have you

15. Made new friends: yes :’) 16. Fallen out of love: no 17. Laughed until you cried: umm sure 18. Found out someone was talking about you: i’d be disappointed if nobody mentioned me ever 19. Met someone who changed you: i think so, yes 20. Found out who your friends are: i made a new friend and she is my friend now and i found it out so you have your answer 21. Kissed someone on your facebook friends list: dude, what even

General;

22. How many of your facebook friends do you know irl: there’s only one girl i haven’t met 23. Do you have any pets: not anymore 24. Do you want to change your name: i’m too sentimental for that 25. What did you do for your last birthday: i went to the park with my friend and he bought me lemonade and flowers (!!!) and in the evening i went with my sister for a drink to a lovely place and we wore pretty dresses and it was wonderful 26. What time did you wake up today: so my alarm clock started ringing at 9:05 but it doesn’t mean i got out of bed before 9:35 27. What were you doing at midnight last night: probably listening to hamilton 28. What is something you cant wait for: i want my cousin to finish listening to hamilton and meet with her and freak out with her about how good it is and watch some animatics and sing and maybe see it on stage again oh gosh 30. What are you listening to right now: nothing but wait for it is actually still playing in my head 31. Have you ever talked to a person named Tom: i’ve talked to somebody named the Polish version of Tom, which is Tomasz 32. Something that’s getting on your nerves: when my sister wants to call her boyfriend and asks me to go to the kitchen (she cannot call him in the kitchen becase she doesn’t want out other flatmate to hear her talking to him xd) 33. Most visited website: tumblr 34. Hair colour: dark blonde 35. Long or short hair: long 36. Do you have a crush on someone: nope 37. What do you like about yourself: my smiling attitude 38. Want any piercings?: thank you, no 39. Blood type: was it ab?? or a?? 40. Nicknames: let’s not get into details, it’s gabi 41. Relationship status: still single 42. Zodiac: not sure, perhaps cancer?? maybe 43. Pronouns: she/her 44. Fave tv shows: star trek ds9 is the greatest show ever, along with star trek tos. i also liked merlin, zorro and sherlock 45. Tattoos: not even one, my dude 46. Right or left handed: *george washington’s voice* RIGHT HAND MAN 47. Ever had surgery: no 48. Piercings: wasn’t there a similar question earlier? the answer is still no 49. Sport: not really into sport. when it comes to physical activities i do like walking in the mountains, but it’s not a sport, is it. i used to LOVE playing basketball but it was so long ago. 50. Vacation: i just want to go to london and see hamilton again please 51. Trainers: whom *checks in a dictionary* oh no i don’t wear them

More general;

52. Eating: just give me food and i’ll be happy 53. Drinking: coffeeeeeeeee 54. I’m about to watch: hamilton’s america!! let me watch all the LEGAL FOOTAGE 55. Waiting for: it (ensemble *quietly*: wait for it, wait for it). no but honestly i’m kind of waiting for my essay to write itself 56. Want: my essay to write itself. and also i want to see hamilton on stage again, we’ve been here, next 57. Get married: oh sure! 58. Career: translator (or maybeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee children’s book illustrator................... maybe one day.... maybe)

Which is better;

59. Hugs or kisses: i haven’t kissed anyone i can’t answer that 60. Lips or eye: eyes 61. Shorter or taller: who are we talking about now. and shorter than who. a potential partner? i’d prefer it if he was taller than me 62. Older or younger: a little older 63. Nice arms or stomach: @questions why are you like this. i guess arms?? but i don’t think i share a popular opinion about what nice arms mean (don’t like arms that are too muscular) 64. Hookup or relationship: what’s the first one *checks in a dictionary* are you serious? relationship 65. Troublemaker or hesitant: we’re still talking about the potential partner? hesistant i think

Have you ever;

66. Kissed a stranger: bro 67. Drank hard liquor: um no 68. Lost glasses: lost and didn’t find? no 69. Turned someone down: oh yes 70. Sex on first date: BRO WILL YOU STOP, NO 71. Broken someones heart: ..maybe a little, but not my fault 72. Had your heart broken: not really 73. Been arrested: umm no 74. Cried when someone died: yes 75. Fallen for a friend: yes

Do you believe in;

76. Yourself: most of the time yes 77. Miracles: yes, God literally saved my life using them 78. Love at first sight: not really 79. Santa claus: no (there is a Saint Nicholas tho and i do think he exists, but he has little in common with santa claus) 80. Kiss on a first date: i mean, if you ask me if i “believe in” kiss on a first date then sure, i don’t doubt some people do that, but i’d rather not. 81. Angels: oh sure

Other;

82. Best friend’s name: idk!! my cousin’s name is Emilka, my sister’s name is Asia and my friend from uni’s name is Sandra and i love them all!!! 83. Eye colour: blue but sometimes green and sometimes even grey (what a mystery) 84. Fave movie: that has to be the lord of the rings 85. Fave actor: ummmmmmmm like a movie actor?? i think tom hiddleston. but at the moment i am filled with love for leslie odom jr. who is a musical actor. and also lin manuel miranda, i love him.

#thank you so much!!! what a great distraction from my essay #i think i'm going to regret not writing it #ehhh i'll be fine #me #personal #tag games #hufflepuff-jedi

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guidingthulite · 7 years

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A very, very long tag

tagged by: @deira-luv

rules: answer these 92 statements and tag people (i’m not tagging though)

THE LAST:

1. Drink: Pineapple Juice

2. Phone call: My dad I think?

3. Text: My dear dear Amaury. Or @srta-double. Can’t remember

4. Song you listened to: LOVE! LOVE! LOVE TOGETHER BABY

5. Time you cried: I can’t remember? I think it was last Friay but you’d need a bit of info to understand why.

HAVE YOU:

6. Dated someone twice: Bro. Not even once, much less twice.

7. Kissed someone and regretted it: Nope, not that either.

8. Been cheated on: No relationships, no cheating UwU

9. Lost someone special: You mean to death or that we just... Lost the bond or something?

10. Been depressed: ;v;

11. Gotten drunk and thrown up: Not really, no.

LIST 3 FAVORITE COLORS:

12-14: Blue, Red, Orange

IN THE LAST YEAR HAVE YOU:

15. Made new friends: Yes!!! And I love them!!! With my soul!!!

16. Fallen out of love: *looks out the window and that flute cover of My Heart Will Go On plays in the distance*

17. Laughed until you cried: I think?

18. Found out someone was talking about you: People do, and I know that, but I haven’t caught anyone talking about me yet.

19. Met somebody who changed you: (AH, SHUSH, YOU ARE) Definitely.

20. Found out who your friends are: Specially in this year, yeah

21. Kissed someone on your Facebook list: My Facebook is dead my dude. Doubt it was even alive.

GENERAL:

22. How many of your Facebook friends do you know in real life: As I said before...

23. Do you have any pets: My brother is half cat! That counts, right?

24. Do you to change your name: Yes ;v;

25: What did you do for your last birthday: I think I kind of died because I got too much love and I couldn’t handle it. Also I chatted with my cousin. Have I ever talked about my cousin? She’s one of the most purest and sweetest people on Earth and we do not deserve her.

26. What time did you wake up: 7 am, and it was horrible ;v;

27. What were you doing at midnight last night: Either reading fanfic or sleeping. Maybe studying? I don’t know

28. Name something you cant wait for: MARRYING MY WIFE I don’t think there’s something in specific? I guess you’ll know when I am excited XD

29. When was the last time you saw your mom: *peeks from the door* Hi, mom

30. What is one thing you wish you could change in your life: I want to meet my online friends, come on, I wanna give all of you a big hug ;_;

31: What are you listening to right now: IT’S STILL LOVE TOGETHER OOOOPS

32. Have you ever talked to a person named tom: Not as far as I remember...

33. some thing that is getting on your nerves: Me and my drama that I, might I add, INNECESSARILY put onto myself.

34:most visited website: Tumblr and YouTube, I guess

35. mole/s: I have lots of those... And I have a big one... IN MY FFFAAACEEE

36: mark/s: That weird stretch thing all over my torso. My mom’s been freaking about it but meh.

37: Childhood dream: I wanted to be a singer, or an actress, or a teacher, or a reporter, or...

38: Hair color: Do you know why I paint my hair blonde when I draw myself? Because IRL my hair color is a MESS

39: long or short hair: Short is best!

40: Do u have a crush on anyone: Bro, if I told you...

41: What do you like about yourself?: I am very spontaneous. I like weirding out people I don’t like.

42. Piercings: No? Seems like a very uncomfortable thing to be honest ;v; If you want one then go for it though!

43. Blood type: A-

44. Nickname: Lulu, Lou, Blueberry, Alma, Lula... I think I’m forgetting some.

45. Relationship status: Singler than a... Uh, what rhymes with Single... Pringle?

46. Zodiac: Gemini

47. Pronouns: She/Her

48: Favorite tv shows: Emotion-Connection-Wise it’s definitely Adventure Time, but my current obsession is VLD (Jeremy Shada is an angel though)

50. (did we skip 49?) Right or left hand: you’re Right keit

51. Surgery: No?

52. Hair dyed in a different color: Mmmmaybe

53: Sport: Rollerblading, the only thing I’m decent at. And swimming.

55. Vacation: I don’t care the place, I just want to be with my friends ;-;

56: Pair of trainers: On... My Feet?

MORE GENERAL:

57. Eating: Homework Nothing at the moment

58. Drinking: Nothing

59. I’m about to: Keep doing Homework

61: Waiting for: sleep. my bed. what a bless

62: Want: The sappiest thing you can imagine. Like, imagine sappy, then turn it sappier, then more and more and that’s not even the beginning. I’m cheesy.

63. Get married: I would really, really love to.

64. Career: Translation is where I’m headed, apparently. Which now that I think of it is kinda useless. I want to move to USA. Why do I need that.

WHICH IS BETTER:

65. Hugs or kisses: I want to be showered in both you can’t make me choose

66. Lips or eyes: EYES. THEY ARE LIKE GALAXIES AND THEY’RE ALL BEAUTIFUL. I LOVE EYES

67. Shorter or taller: I don’t mind, really

68. Older or younger: Older maybe?

70. nice arms or nice stomach: arms arms arms arms

71: sensitive or loud: Sensitive? I don’t like loud soooo

72. Hook up or relationship: Relationship!!!

73. troublemaker or hesitant: Wha?

HAVE YOU EVER:

74: Kissed a stranger: No kisses means no strangers, duh

75. Lost glasses/ contact lens: I don’t wear glasses, sooo

76. Turned someone down: Yes, and it haunts me to this day (it’s part of my lore my friends)

78. Sex on the first date: No? Unless you already were into that kind of relationship and you’re just trying out dating. But I think it kind of defeats the purpose.

79. Had your heart broken: Buddy my love life is a MESS, you could write a novel about it.

80. Broken someone’s heart: Oh gog I hope not.

81. Been arrested: I don’t think so? I mean, no, not really, no

82. Cried when someone died: I can’t. Like, I am unable to cry when someone dies. I don’t know why.

83. fallen for a friend: uUUUUUUUUUUUHHHHH... Yes. Maybe. Definitely. More than once. Yeah. Affirmative. Positive. Yes again.

DO YOU BELIEVE IN:

84. yourself: Sometimes ;v;

85. Miracles: CAUSE I STILL BELIEVE IN MIRACLES I SWEAR I’VE SEEN A FEW

86. Love at first sight: Kinda, but not really. It’s... Complicated.

87. Santa Claus: I played detectives when I was 8 and found out that he didn’t exist and it was super dumb but I am proud of it

OTHER:

90. current best friend name: Alma is not my name! I wish ;-; Alma is a super cool name I COULD have had, but no, my parents decided to name me Lourdes after my mom. And I don’t like it so maybe that’s why I like nicknames so much ;v;

Anyways I can’t choose a best friend aaa ;-; But Internet Best <> Friend <> Award goes to Deira and IRL BFF Award goes to...

I don’t really have an IRL best friend, @sweetdemon933 doesn’t count, she’s my partner in crime ;-;

91. Eye color: Brown as the bitterest coffee you can find. Like, really brown

92. favorite movie: You could never guess. Really. No one expects it. Ever.

Well that was all! Gotta keep doing Homework then ;v; See ya :D Have a pleasant day and all

#about me #tags!

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dinoalexander · 5 years

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Your Moment of Zen: The Gourmet Academy’s Semi-Quotable 2019 Quotedown Quotetacular

Ladies and gentlemen and non-binary conforming life forms across seven star systems... the Gourmet Academy’s World Famous Get Down Like a Hound Party ‘til You Puke Semi-Quotable 2019 Quotedown Quotetacular... is ON! === “Time to play everybody’s favorite game show, Fireworks or Gunshots?” -BFG

“Goddamnit. I have to be the adult, don’t I?” -Gordon

“You can copy the format, you can copy the look, but you can’t copy culture!” -UBA

“Gentlemen, I wash my hands of this craziness.” -Kimberly

“Starting a petition to have Barbara Walters do the ball drop next New Years just to hear her say, ‘I’m Barbara Walters and this is 2020.’” -Chelsea

“Hello, Antonio Brown's Shiny Helmet Emporium, how can I help you? What's your pleasure?” -Carl

“Watch me whip out my Shenehneh.” -Gordon

“I feel like I’m watching one of my movies, because this whole damn thing sucks.” -John Cena

“I giggled.” -Michael

“I’m not saying BH90210 is the worst thing in the history of all recorded media, but if somebody had the theory that Luke Perry faked his own death to avoid any and all association with it, I would be willing to entertain that theory.” -Kevin

“Any day the key card works is a win.” -Joe Ovies

“She played a fiddle in an Irish band...” -Ed Sheeran “No she didn’t.” (Click) -Chico

“CBS was callin’, I’m Black Monty Hallin’.” -Wayne Brady

“Richard Quest on CNN! He's gonna ask the rest of the 500 questions!” -Klaussie

“Work. What is this work bullshit?” -Gordon

“Verizon and Tegna, when the carriage agreement ended.” -MD

“I got my words! I got my friends! I got my words WITH my friends!” -Megan

“Thoughts and prayers to the Love Boat, who had her on so frequently her name probably appeared higher up on the call sheet than Isaac or Doc.” -Kevin

“Another fine product from Assmung.” -Carl

“Remember how I thought Adam Gase was a total piece of crap? I have been proven right. Fuck Adam Gase and the horse that rode in on him.” -Cyndi

“Walls? Where we’re going, we don’t need walls.” -Laura

“I’m a person who wants to be productive trapped inside a person who wants to sleep all day.” -Cortney

“Tommy Chong is a THC-list celebrity.” -JB

“Hey did you know that Francesa met Secretariat?” -Greg

“In a year when Black Panther told a story of a black superhero in a futuristic world struggling with real questions about how to deal with racial oppression, and BlacKkKlansman told a story of racial wounds in America that continue to this day and the need for allies to put themselves on the line, Best Picture went to Green Book, the story of a brilliant black musician as told through the white guy who drove him around. Okay.” -Kristin

“Advice: avoid sugar, Oregon Trail diseases, & women named in Mambo No. 5.” -Austin

“Sticks and stones may break my bones, but so will my poor eating habits and bad decisions.” -Sarah Pribis

“She was prepared to kill a cockroach with a baseball bat.” -me on overzealous providers

“I am the crocodonkey.” -Klauss

“Aaaaaand we just lost Quisla.” -C

“Can Scaramucci last longer than a Scaramucci?” -...I don’t know, somebody.

“I want dysentery! ... wait what?” -Kyle

“My boobs are not real.” -Gordon

“I want to stop this show and take 10% of you outside, right now!" -Chris Harrison

“OMG Parallel Universe me, stop it!” -C

“I figured out who should host the Oscars ... Colin Kaepernick! Dude still needs a job, right? Also, he’s like two or three times the size of Kevin Hart. I bet we could pay him the same amount, so it’s like getting a bargain! Of course, I’ll want a modest consulting fee from the Academy. Problem solved. You’re welcome.” -Clint

“How the hell am I supposed to put this thing together? Are there instructions or am I just supposed to wing it?” -C “Even IKEA gives me instructions in a foreign language and a tiny ass tool.” -Q

"The only place you see Success before Work is in the Dictionary: -Mauro Ranallo NXT Takeover Phoenix

“A bold statement from a guy dressed as a hippo on a talent show.” -Klauss

“If you wanted the chicken fingers that badly, you could have asked for one instead of taking the whole plate of food.” -Gordon

“Time to play “Sexy or Sleepy”?” -C

“... that means ‘Eff you, you, you, and you’.” -Jason “That’s my autobiography right there.” -Gordon

“The magic thing about home is it feels good to leave but it feels better to come back.” -Emily “Home is a bit like that.” -C

“Thoughts and prayers to Ryan Stiles, who has lost his go-to celebrity impression.” -BB

“Hey, the Lord works in mysterious ways, but you don’t have to, USE YOUR TURN SIGNAL, ASSHOLE!” -Q

“What, you think people do coke once?” -Greg

“I can read off a TelePrompTer like a motherfucker.” -Kristen Bell

“‘Thank God we will be able to see more Pat Buchanan on TV’ said no one ever. I mean, for fuck’s sake, the last thing that is needed is another show featuring a panel of bloviating pundits. I get it. It’s cheap and easy to produce. But so is p*rn.” -Kevin, on The McLaughlin Group

“After watching HQ Words you wonder why Anna Roisman hasn't hit the big time yet. After watching HQ After Dark, you can completely understand why.” -Gordon

“If I die tonight, I want two of the Woodpeckers, two of the Football Tar Heels, and two of the Panthers to serve as my pallbearers so they can all let me down one more time.” -C, on Bad Sports Week 2019

“The first time is flattery, the second time is a lie.” -Michael

“I went to the mall with my pops. I saw something driving to there that truly shocked me. Someone had an orange Ford F650 extended cab pick up truck… With duallies… A rolling coal smokestack… And hubcaps with spikes on each of the nuts. And my only thought was… “My God… It must be MICROSCOPIC!” -Brian

“Would’ve expected to see “Employees must wash hands before returning to work”, posted in the restroom, but alright NOLA, still good looking out I guess...” -Casey

“Because....um.....going from a 40 to a 33 waist apparently makes people want to bed you.” -Gordon

“Breaking news: Idiot talks to idiot on a channel watched by idiots.” -Kevin

“Screaming tree maraca!” -Dahlia

“Looks like I fell down on the job. Metaphorically, because literally would make me Oprah Rich and I'd be full of imported cheese right now.” -Laura

“In another decade or so, somebody is going to make a documentary on Ken Burns documentaries. The TRT will be 152 years.” -Kevin

“May your 2019 be filled with happiness, prosperity, great cocktails, laughter, and Waffle House when you need it most.” -Rick Wilson

“There are sober people in England... No there’s not!” -Mike the CD

“Oh... oh.... oh....” -Q “IT’S MAGIC!” -C

“And finally, some of y’all still out here begging (I’m mean, pure, unadulterated BEGGING) for attention (I’m talking ANY attention) and validation. Lord Jesus put that sadness away. Just put it away.” - Michael

“I’m thinking of a number. The number is 10. You go first.” -JD

“Also, I would take tasteful pics of me making pizza naked. I'm only 30 and I'm only gonna look like this once.” -Kimberly D

“I have ADD. You wanna ride a bike? I’m gonna drink some water. Rooooooam if you want to... This coffee’s really delicious. I’m a sucker for you.” -Q

“Matthew Judon... Body built by Taco Bell.” -Matthew Judon, professional football player

“YEAH!!!! 1943, BITCH!” -my response to Q’s retelling of the events leading up to the Battle of Midway.

“Depending upon the inflection (Bless your heart) can mean anything from “oh you poor thing” to “would you lend me your brain?, I’m building an idiot”.” -Brian

“Play stupid games, win stupid prizes.” -LiyaZee

“That is a giant banana!” -Chris Ahearn, re: a giant banana “Why thank you!” -JB

“Betty White the Happy Homehooker.” -C

“I'll only have a hamberder if I can have it with covfefe.” -The Governess

“I will never forget when you surprised my ass in Atlantic City. That was the weekend of the Press Your Luck Prime Rib.” -JB “That was my first taste of the juice.” -Chico “And you been on the corner... ever since... looking for a fix.” -JB

“Sounds like a generic dude who owns the Ford dealership in every single city in America.” -BFG’s response to “Who is Tom Steyer?”

“Time to switch to Channel 7...” -Cyndi, getting ready to launch a Dallas recap style recap

“The only difference I've noticed this year is that now I get told, "OK Boomer", when I complain about holiday creep.” -Trey

“A 21st Century Koan... If a vegan that sold essential oils begin doing CrossFit… Which would they tell you about first?” -Brian

“Sorry I shoved my hair in your face.” -Christina

“You are turning into a Burberry wearing, wine drinking, charcoal mask wearing kinda guy... AND I COULDN’T BE PROUDER!” -Q

“Instead of airing new Love Island episodes, something tells me CBS is better off rerunning “The Mentalist”. -Doug “CBS is better off running Secret Talents of thr Stars.” -Gordon

“How far along are you?” -some guy “Oh, about six burritos and about a dozen cupcakes.” -Kimberly

“Answers and bribes go into the Corona Extra bucket.” -Michael

“Dear God, Please watch over Cole Anthony’s shoes.” -C

“What’s that scent you’re wearing? Oh, a little something I call washing your ass.” -Q

“You ever just wish there was a coffee delivery service? .... I do.” -Kathleen

“I’m just another brother with a game show.” -BFG

“(Unintelligible) ... Thicke of the niiiight.” -Greg’s impersonation of Gilbert Gottfried’s impersonation of Alan Thicke

“Antonio Brown doesn’t need football - ‘They’re going to play by my rules.’ A bold statement from a guy dressed as a hippo on a talent show.” -Klaussie

“You keep your head high and your middle finger higher.” -Alex

“There has to be a more scientific name for the penis. ... Intermittent organ?” —Gordon “That sounds pretentious enough to be scientific.” -C

“Zooey is saved for awkward sexy stories. Jeff Zucker is someone I don't want associated with "sexy stories".” -Dane

“Ryan is as Canadian as it gets. I think he bleeds maple syrup.” -C

“Turns out Gillette doesn’t work well with sensitive skin after all.” -Ben Rejmer

“Are you drinking something funny there, sunshine?” -Statboy

“It's so cold out here on the east coast that Jim Dolan, the brilliant genius that he is, decided to warm the citizens of Manhattan up and turn MSG into a giant dumpster fire.” -Gordon

“Ziggy is my spirit animal.” -C

“It may sound bougie, but.. you look good, you play good. You play good... they PAY good.” -Cam Newton

“We could be flying Pan Am Clippers to Venus. But MTV stopped playing music, legalized weed, and elected Donald Trump.” -C

“I get it. Tom Brady = deflated balls. Alex Guerrero = "inflates them". Hookers like Tom Brady. Damn, Alex Guerrero is better than Viagra.” -Klaussie

“I think I found the pony under the pile of shit." -Kimberly

“Skype sucks ass.” -Gordon

“In this troubled times, I like to put my hand over the kidney in my heart, stare at the moon of Mars contemplating how the wheel is older than the wall, the great things Frederick Douglas is doing & just being thankful I have ID to buy cereal, thankful for George Washington Airport victories & I don't have Windmill cancer.” -Trent Capelli...Twitter

“Sugar isn't "worse than cocaine." You're not killing yourself by ingesting sugars either in foods or in your coffee. People who are selling you weightloss programs want to tell you that you're killing yourself but there is no scientific evidence that sugar kills humans. Thank you for attending my TEDtalk.” - Shrub

“I found a love...” -Ed Sheeran “No you didn’t.” (Click) -Chico

“Many of you are wondering about my mental state after the Vols game last night. I assure you last night I slept like a baby. Sleep two hours, wake up and cry, sleep two hours, wake up and cry...” -Brian

“If you paid $7 for a Jack & Coke, you got jacked.” -Klaussie “... and Coked.” -C

“Rich Eisen getting triggered by an f’n commercial for 9-1-1 because it featured a fictional situation in a place where his kid goes to is the most white guy thing ever.” -Greg

“And now that your reagent is all nice and mixed and all the chemicals have gotten to know each other, gently put the reagent cartridge onto the instrument. Gently... GENTLY, YOU IDIOT!” -C, to himself

“... goddamned hula shirt.” -Q

“The person who wrote the article needs to be taken in the back and have their writing license revoked. And then shot. And then never be allowed to touch a keyboard again. And then have their hands chopped off.” -Gordon

“They got Bowzer next to Barbi Benton, the lucky son of a bitch.” -C

“Here's what gets me every time I see the trailer for the Cats movie...these are all successful actors. Like...nobody in this movie actually needs to do this.” -Lana

“I made Chico donate $24 to Extra Life.” -Gordon

“You guys are compact cars like I’m a gay, wasted white girl.” -Q

“HQ is like the divorced dad with a much younger, hippy dippy, girlfriend-- and the kids don't want to visit.” -Amberlee

“Suck down your coffee like you own it!” -Hollie

“DRUM SOLO!!!” -Weird Al

“You know when you’re a podcaster you need a good vocabulary. I did always have one. When I was young I mixed up Jacuzzi and Yakuza. And for a while I was in hot water with the Japanese mafia.” -Brian

“It’s game of thrones, but I’m much less Jon Snow and much more Johnny Mudstorm.” -Gordon

“Skype is being a ho.” -Jason

“It's a less-sensitive Soul Man, in a time we need no such shit.” -Klauss

“I thought you were gonna get a room.” -Chapel Hill Phil “I thought you were gonna mind your business.” -Chico “.... that’s fair.” -CHP

“For those of you who are upset about being single on Valentines Day, remember this... 99% of my socks are single but you don’t see them crying about it!” -Connor

“They are selling CBD oil at Bed Bath and Beyond?! I’m sure that’s quality stuff. Honky, please!” -Christina

“She is twisted. If she swallowed a nail, she’d shit out a corkscrew.” -Q

“Oh Taylor Swift. Patron saint of Pride Month. Thank God for straight white girls.” -Michael

“Apollo’s Chariot: “I’m the biggest baddest hypercoaster on the eastern seaboard.” Intimidator 305: “... Bless your heart.” Fury: “Both of you can hold my sweet tea.”” -C

“I don't know you and I sure as heck don't know your sister.” -Klaussie

“Nothing makes you stronger than having no choice in the matter. You’re strong because you have to be.” -Christina’s dad

“Apparently people have mistaken my professional courtesy with genuine interest.” -Michael

“Jon Bauman, you dingleberry!” -Chico a la James May

“Bad enough it’s Scott but it’s Comic Sans, so that makes it even worse.” -Nick “Gentlemen... start your whacking!” -Cyndi “PHRASING!” -Jay, Chico, JVG

“As Robert Downey Jr. once said...” -Cindy

“Whenever I see a married couple with a joint Facebook page, I never, ever have any thought other than "I wonder which one of 'em cheated."” -Adam

“Why is Dan Orlovsky talking football and why should I take anything Safetyman says seriously?” -Cyndi

“Okay, you're a billionaire and can easily afford top-of-the-line call girls at $5,000 to $10,000 an hour and you go to a sleazy massage parlor where the women smell like lavender and shame (so I've heard).” -Steve

“My floor is occupied with eggs.” -Gordon

“Quis, your thing is making noise. Can you make it... not make noise?” -C

“I’ve been waiting at the phone for 29 years hoping someone can win this cruise!” -Klaussie

“If you wanted the chicken fingers that badly, you could have asked for one instead of taking the whole plate of food. #WelcomeBackToLeague #BowlerCityThievery #CheckingTheCamerasAfterLeague.” -Gordon

“I'm proud to say I only cried five times. Admittedly, once was during the opening credits...” -Prof. O

“Phone calls in the mor-NING!” -C, describing his job as a radio jingle

“Okay, the shirt I was wearing when Liza gave me a slimy hug...I wanted to keep wearing it but I also loved the way the slime stains looked on it, so I waited six weeks to wash it so the slime stains would be totally set in. I just did laundry and there’s not a slime stain to be found anywhere on this shirt. On the one hand, mildly disappointed, but on the other hand, holy crap, Tide just made a customer for life out of me.” -Adam

"Really, you don't go back to the crazy ex-girlfriend. You leave her in the insane asylum." -Rafael Siegel, former Cash Show host

“Don't slap Charlotte in her boobs, you're just making her ANGRY!” -Brian

“Is it bigger than a Bird Box?” -Adam Nedeff’s take on What’s My Line?/Bird Box

“That song Birthday Sex is depressing when it’s your birthday and you have no sex.” -Red

“Politics politics politics Sean Spicer politics politics politics DWTS politics politics politics shimmy shimmy shimmy politics politics politics *tea sip*” -Kimberly

“We may need to add Brie Larson to the "How big is Batista's dick?" question list.” -Dane

“Chico and I not only know that we;re going to Hell, we requested a nice suite, complete with kitchen, spa and bidet, Aaron is coming also. We should have room in the suite for more if you want to join us.” -Gordon

“If Bill Cosby is telling you to get out, get out. Else, you'll get a dinner drink with a special surprise.” -Klauss

“Hey, what’s coming out this May?” -Q “(Incoherent slurring)” -C “Really? Who’s in it?” -Q “Ryan Reynolds, I dunno.” -C

“I feel like Neville Longbottom with a remembrall.” -Amberlee

“Comically oversized shit sells. It's America, bigger is better.” -Jessica

“You’ve heard of salt in a wound or lemon juice on a paper cut... but have you heard of Oxi Clean powder on a fingernail you cut too short? Pro tip: avoid that.” -Coby

“I have an idea.” -Q “OH NO!!!! NOT AN IDEA!!!!” -C

“Truck contains political promises.” -actual septic truck

“Uhh... framing?” -C

“It’s very easy to get friends on these apps if you say you’re a hot chick.” -Gordon

“Woodstock 50 cancelled after organizers determined they can’t make it as hilarious as Fyre Fest.” -Adam

“Age and wisdom divorced decades ago. Stupid people get old too.” -Austin

“They put some extra claps in this.” -C, re: CS2019 theme

“I hope she’s dreaming the biggest, bestest dreams... and I hope she never stops.” -Kathleen, on her new little girl.

“You think it’s awkward buying condoms, try returning them!” -Q

“If Mississippi State wins the Outback Bowl, we all get free Bloomin' Onions. If Iowa wins, we all get free Coconut Shrimp. If that's not reason enough to root for Iowa, I don't know what to tell you.” -Matty

“Full hearts, full stomachs, can’t poop.” -Evil Travis

“That's it. Officially referring to my boobs as my "small turkeys".” -LiyaZee

“More phone calls in the mor-NING!” -C, describing his job as a radio jingle

“Tried watching pre-debate coverage, but the phrase "brutal Darwinian logic of winnowing" sent me back to Press Your Luck.” -Heather

“...if we hold up a painting of Hurricane Dorian, will it die?” -Amberlee

“Hey Cindy... you married that.” -C

“Literatively? Okay.” -Gordon

“I plan on going with Chef from South Park's line on that one -- "There's a time and a place for everything, and it's called college."” - Kristin, on “Break Up With Your Girlfriend (Because I’m Bored)”

“Allegiant Stadium. Much like the Raiders... A WORK IN PROGRESS.” -C

“Nobody could sing like Milli Vanilli… But let’s be fair neither could they.” -Brian

“Gar-a-giola, Gar-a-giola, STRIIIIIIKE IT RICH! Gar-a-giola, Gar-a-giola, STRIIIIIIKE IT RICH! Strike! It! Riiiiich! Strike! It! Riiiiich! Gar-a-giola, Gar-a-giola, STRIIIIIIKE IT RICH!” -Nedeff’s lyrics to the love theme from “Strike It Richl by Hal Hidey

“In God we trust, all others must provide research-based, peer-reviewed data.” -Aryn

“Go-gurt™: because fuck spoons and decency.” -Sarah Ann

“Like I said ESPN is to the Patriots what FOX News is to the Republican Party.” -Greg

“That is like walking hepatitis.” -Tim DeLaGhetto

“Will there be any trivia questions on your trivia question show?” -Erskine

“I’m a journalism major, so I don’t know what the hell you’re talking about.” -BFG

“That’s Right is the Adam Gase of trivia apps.” -Greg

“And yes, Bill Maher does in fact molest collies, and goats...and sheep...and Chicago Bears. 😜” -JVG

“In the words of my dear uncle Paul, ‘Google it, bitch! I’m not here to educate you!’” -Nikki

“You know what they call the guy who graduates last in medical school?” -Megan “A doctor!” -C

“You can never win an argument with an idiot or an asshole. Idiots don’t know they’re wrong, and assholes won’t even consider the possibility that they could be wrong. You can’t help it if you’re an idiot sometimes, but don’t be an asshole. Just something to think about going into 2019.” -Clint

“No Ganos is good Ganos with Graham Gano.” -Tim

“Enough loonies to fill up the Bank of Montreal.” -Klauss

“In the age of auto correct no less, it makes me shudder when I see the leader of the free world making fifth grade grammar mistakes.” -Q

“You look like who did it and why.” -Mary

“Ow, my check! ... I mean, ow, my neck!” -Big Rick

“This woman on Wheel of Fortune has two grandchildren named Kennedy and Nixon, and I have questions.” -Melanie

“You’re the President of the United States and getting dragged by fucking Burger King. It’s just... wonderful.” -Shannon

“Classy, Like a White House Big Mac.” -Actual team trivia name

“Sex is a mistake 9 out of 10 times.” -Michael

“Who signs the cat?” -Carl

“This feels like an SNL sketch. Where’s Bill Hader?” -Greg

“Yeah! And uh...I played HQ with one of them in a hotel room. Wait, that sounds creepy.” -BFG “More than that. (No, THAT sounds creepy.) You have played online trivia with one of them. Surely you ran into or at least saw others in Vegas.” -Klaussie

the subject: The Jeopardy! All-Stars

“Step 1: Go to McDonald's. Step 2: Order a Shamrock Shake. There, now you don't have to read the article.” -Prof. O via Evil Travis. The question: “How to order a Shamrock Shake.”

Lunch lady: “Hey Dino! Get me a grape soda! I’m thirsty!” C, after an insane amount of giggling: “You said it, not me.”

“Some bitch decided she wanted to be a bitch.” -C

AP headline on Twitter: "Tim Tebow struggling in Triple-A; still a work in progress." GSNN: "Funny -- so was 'Million Dollar Mile'."

“The Bosa brothers = MAGA Gronk. Don't @ me.” -Klauss

“... BASSOON SOLO!!!!!” -Weird Al

Greg: “Crying Game Cereal. A surprise in every box.” (Everyone dies for, like, five minutes) Chico: “... I’m going to HQ.... YOU NEED TO GO TO CHURCH!”

“Aunt Becky has some stupid kids.” -Austin Rogers

“I wanna be 21 again and ruin my life differently... I have new ideas.” -Sarah Pribis

“Mannnn listen!! It's time to just throw the whole R. Kelly away!!” -Bruce

“By the time all is said and done, I will have been awake for 24 hours.” -C “Rookie.” -G

“Instead of airing new LI episodes, something tells me CBS is better off rerunning “The Mentalist”. -Doug

“Well they went over as well as a ham sandwich at a kosher deli.” -Q

“Drop it and get out of here!” -Carl’s boss

“The call is coming from inside the wheelhouse.” -Ullsperger

“I am the Marquis de Asshole.” -Gordon

“Elizabeth Banks’ ass is America’s ass.” -C, with apologies to Paul Rudd, Elizabeth Banks, and Bill Carruthers

“Don't have an iPhone or iPad? Maybe you can beg at the boots of your betters, proletariat scum!” -Megan

“Tom Brady and Bob Kraft shaking hands and whispering into each other’s ear... ‘Hail Hydra’.” -C

Jason (discussing the Masked Singer): “The Hippo was ANTONIOOOOOOOO Brown!” Brian H: So THAT'S how the Madden Curse happened this year.

“Manish Mehta is on 92.3 The Fan right now. My first thought after hearing him for 5 seconds: He sounds like Aziz Ansari as The Bookworm on that SNL GSN show parody a few years ago.” -Klaussie

“Look at me, I’m Sandra Bullock.” -Nick

"That's Britain for you. Tea solves everything. You're a bit cold? Tea. Your boyfriend has just left you? Tea. Coordinated terrorist attack on the transport network bringing the city to a grinding halt? TEA DAMMIT!" — LiveJournal user jslayeruk

“Temporary emotions lead to permanent mistakes!” -C

“Tuesday night wasn’t just biscuits. Roy Williams went ahead and got the dirty rice to go with it.” -Adam Lucas after Carolina made State humble, 113-96

“Shaka... when the paywalls fell.” -Kevin

“Barbi Benton... ROLL TIDE!” -Greg

“I love when you ask for recommendations for establishments, services, recipes, products, etc., and people respond with, "Did you Google it?" Like, Thanks, Karen! I hadn't thought to use the easily-accessible, number one search engine in the world before! I'm totally not looking for recommendations based on actual experience from personal friends who will give me honest feedback, so I'm glad you directed me to Google!” -Cindy

SWSNBN: “Can your cover for me while I eat my sandwich?” C: “Go eat your sandwich.” SWSNBN: “I’ve got nothing going on.” C: “You’ve doomed us all. Go eat your sandwich.”

“If life gives you lemons remember: life was very honest about how many people it'd been with.” -Austin

“Two hours after lunch is still after lunch! BOOK SAY SO!” -C

“Remember, two wrongs don’t make a right, three rights make a left, and I’m Kyle Serra, quiz responsibly.” -Kyle

Q: “The answer fell into the pizza!” C: “Well now not only is it correct, it’s delicious.”

“Tom Brady just got the sixth stone. Half the NFL is about to vanish.” -Nikki

“I’m Max Essodus and I’m leaving!” -Klauss

“Chuck Todd is a bowl of Jello with a bad goatee and a shitty hair cut.” - @PhillyLocalGuy

“Leonard Frey! Leonard Frey! Anytime you call, Leonard will take care of you! Winter, Spring and Fall!” -Chico

“I THINK I’M BREAKING EVERY FCC RULE IN THE BOOK!” -Kevin Harlan calling two NFL games at the same time

“Horrible news to report, Baby Yoda has died after Myles Garrett beat the shit out of him with a helmet.” -Barry McCockiner

“The Yankees are like Roman Reigns: they’re good, everybody still hates them, and they always kick out of your finisher shm” -Mike Janela

“My nightmare is being stuck working for a guy that looks like Chris Cillizza” -@ChadShartman

“Mel Gibson/Rothschild casting is most inspired decision since Richard Spencer was chosen to write the screenplay for the new Frederick Douglas parody bio pic.” – Josh Marshall

“OOOOH! A LITTLE BIT OF THE BUBBLY!” - Chris Jericho

“Minecraft? HELL NO!” -Amberlee at RewardTheFan on Minecraft RewardTheFan

“109876543210, Happy New Year!” – Kyle @ Trivia Crack

“LYDIA CORNELL IS NOT A BIMBO!” -Mike

Tony Stark: “Hey, you said one out of fourteen million, we'd win, yeah? Tell me this is it.” Doctor Strange: “If I tell you what happens, it won't happen.”

America, let me just tell you something, do not commit crimes with checks.” –Charles Barkley

“I bet George Halas and Pop Warner are up there now coaching Angels in the Heaven Bowl.” –Cord Hosenbeck

“The director saw Green Book and was inspired to make a bigger disaster of a movie about race.” –From the IMDb Trivia Page for Loqueesha

“Drew Brees and Harry Styles fighting over a Pepsi is Peak 2010s.” -Chico

“The aging app? I didn’t know there was an app that helped Mike Maccagnan make his freaking draft picks!!!” -@DAitken90

“For all the notes and stats FOX gave out, they missed that this was the very first post-season game in history where two wife-beater closers gave up two-run home runs in the 9th.” -Ken Levine

Chico: “Man, Bowzer ruined this!” Mike: “Just like the second half of the show Bowzer ruined this!”

“Amazon Suggestion for David Pecker: Because you considered “Blackmailing the Richest Man Who Ever Lived,” we recommend you “Get an Orange Jumpsuit.” –Stephen Colbert

“When in doubt, choose Helium!” –Megan

“They should make a Mistress Pac-Man. Ghosts chasin’ her around the apartment Pac-Man rents for her, eatin’ all the strawberries and chocolates he sends and whatnot. Then the last level Ms. Pac-Man is after her ass like “Oh HELL no that’s MY round yellow man!!!” –George Wallace

“God is a woman and her name is Hailee Steinfeld” -@dakotalanthimos

“I stopped by the Statue of Liberty today, thinking about freedom, and the ability to go for it all.” –Bill Walton at the Pac-12 Tournament in Las Vegas talking about being at the NY-NY Casino

“today marks LaGuardia Airport’s first positive contribution to America.” –Jack Holmes on the end of the Late 2018-Early 2019 Government Shutdown

“BEAT THAT GHOST DICK!” -Matt Richards

Greg: “What if the Monster on The Masked Singer is Michael Cohen?” Mike: “If it is that will almost guarantee there won’t be a second season of The Masked Singer.”

“Roger Clemens tried to smash Mike Piazza’s head with a baseball bat and was still less of an asshole than Curt Schilling.” -@[email protected]

“I love all the diversity in Star Wars. There’s brown people and someone with a Boston accent” -Dani Fernandez

“I don’t care that Brock Lesnar won Money In The Bank, I want to know if Brett Somers won Money In The (BLANK)” -Mike

“Woodrow Wilson even with a stroke was sharper than Donald Trump is today.” –David Frum

“THE JABRONI OF THE JABRONI MOVIE FOR THE HOLLYWOOD BLONDE JABRONI NEED TO HAVE THE MOST EXCELLENT LEADING HEAL TO MAKE THE IRON SHEIK LOOK LIKE THE LEGEND. PROBLEM NOBODY HEAL ENOUGH TO BE THE LEGEND. THIS WAY ONLY PERSON THAT TAKE THE CHRIS HEMSWORTHLESS LOOK LIKE HE THE REAL BABYFACE IS THE LEGEND IRON SHEIK. OTHERWISE THIS MOVIE WORSE THAN THE NOTEBOOK AND WORSE THEN THE JABRONI BETTE MIDLER BEACHES” –The Iron Sheik

“As far as I’m concerned, that’s America’s ass!” - Scott Lang “That is America’s Ass.” - Steve Rogers “America’s Ass? Are you talking about Tom Villard?” - Mike

“Oh Jesus, it’s Jimmie Walker’s turn!” –Chico

“Where’s the Robert Kraft spa video? I’d rather watch a video of my own funeral.” –Gerard Mulligan

“So, does Jeff Zucker have to completely cause CNN to lose money and get devalued so badly it gets bought out by Comcast for him to replace Vince Russo as “worst Turner Broadcasting hire ever?” -Dane

“I was just researching Mark Russell as a "Whatever happened to...?" He's still alive.” –Matt Jones

“And all of ESPN and FS1’s morning shows are just the worst. People who watch them actually come away dumber for doing so. I don’t understand the appeal of watching idiots on either network yell biased opinions at each other...many of which are lacking context or facts beyond what they see on a caption of a social media post. It’s like going to a comment section and watching arguments.” -Dylan White on the Awful Annoucing Facebook comments section

“Hunter, Kiss my ass.” –Dave Bautista

“The fact that the CEO of twitter can have his account hacked is a blinding indictment of twitter’s security policies. The fact that no one could tell the difference is a blinding indictment of jack himself.” -@ChrisSmith_RSB

“I don’t know anybody who loves or even likes Trey Wingo.” -@SlicedBrett

“A Madea Star Wars” must now be a thing…” –Amberlee

“People are like "the New York Post is bad for that cover, subscribe to the Daily News instead!" as if the Daily News didn't run a screencap of a woman being murdered on it a few years back. They're both pure trash. Neither are better.” -Craig Calcaterra

“Tim Burton’s Dumbo brings out Michael Buffer TWICE to say “Let’s get rrready…for Dumbo!” and I laugh again every time I think about it.” –Ken Jennings

“Who the hell is Dr. Lee Franz?” –Jason H.

“I was in the theater and that moment was revealed and the audience was “OOOOH!” and I just was laughing so hard!” –Ron Burgundy remembering the ending of “The Crying Game”

“Ladies and Gentleman… whatever legitimacy pro wrestling has left literally crawled under the ring.” –Chico critiquing the workrate of Colin Jost

“BANODLES, ARE YOU READY TO GO SHOPPING, YOU SON OF A BITCH?” -MIKE

“Can y'all imagine if the Gremlins and Jason Vorhees both attacked at the same time that would be some difficult shit to deal with anyway talk to you later” -George Wallace

“Trump getting impeached over the Ukraine is a little like Scorsese getting the Oscar for The Departed, but hey recognition is recognition.” -John Ross Bowie

“Alex Trebek is a fixture in the American firmament and we're all behind him. What a great man, so kind to my family and so warm to all of us contestants. Send him your love.” -Austin Rogers

“Rather than bore you with my expansive knowledge of British politics, allow me to comment on more pressing matters: drunken Chris Jericho getting his belt stolen” -Mike Tunison (@xmasape)

“Only ESPN would do a feature on Robert Kraft taking former players to Jerusalem — while he awaits trial for soliciting prostitution in a sex trafficking ring.” -@willgcopeland

“Looking forward to the “In Memory of Jim Cornette’s Career” graphic that will be starting Dynamite.” - Trevor Dame

“Tom Steyer sounds like a guy who airs MLK and Columbus Day ads, where you can get a new Mustang or Fusion for up to $6,000 off MSRP” - BFG

“Eh, what’s her name? Her name Barry Lonson. She’s in da, she won Oscar for the movie “Stuck In The Basement”. Also, she’s in the movie “Kink Kong: He Got Love With Her” but how he make sex with her, she’s young, she’s small and he big. I don’t know?” -Yehya reviewing Captain Marvel

“To this day nobody knows who Ann Risley is.” -Chico

“Heartbreaking: there is apparently no video I can find of this moment, where a robot named "Mr. Scraps" delivered a ball to James Doohan (Scotty from Star Trek), who had just arrived in a dry-ice-and-laser-bathed Delorean to throw out the first pitch in "The Biodome". Please enjoy this real quote from the Mariners former VP of marketing: "We named the robot Mr. Scraps, because it looked like a garbage can on wheels. Not exactly what we were expecting, but it served its purpose." [email protected]

MC Cool Cloud: “No union better mess with my family!” Cloud 9 Employee in Training Video: “Oh, MC Cool Cloud, (pats stomach) you’re gonna be the best dad.” Garrett: “I’m sorry, did MC Cool Cloud just impregnate a human?” Mateo: “I think he did.” “I’m in shock, Gene. I just talked to my accountant and I found out this guy made 30 grand and I’m working for minimum scale.” -Marty Cohen on MG-HSH Episode #12 “It would be kind of weird for a person named Tammy to be played by Tim Dunigan.” -Mike

“Chico's brain only has so much memory. It's either the capital of Botswana, or something you rambled at 3AM while white-girl wasted. Only one of those nuggets of wisdom is a panty-dropper, and I think we all know which.” -Laura

“So, the audience for SNL seems to be comprised of easily offended Catholics, YouTube “influencers”, and Trump. But Lorne Michaels still thinks he shouldn’t retire? Because if I learned those people watched something I produced, I’d eschew all technology forever and go live in one of those Unabomber log cabins.” -Kevin

“Morning report: The "Fuck Your Feelings" crowd sure gets triggered easily.” -Rick Wilson

“ZIPPERS?!” -Klauss

“We’s considerin’ buddies.” -C

“Automan’s naked and wearing a belt? I don’t get this!” -Klaussie

“You were standing in his crotch!” -Anna

“I am utterly surprised there were no traces of Batman cereal yet Greg's dad made at least 2 appearances.” -Klaussie

“Next time, can you pick a gas station that ISN’T in the middle of nowhere?” -C

“Did Isaac ever deliver cold hard cash direct to your PayPal account? No!” -Greg

“Too many phone calls in the mor-NING!” -C, describing his job as a radio jingle

“Semi-Quotable of the 2010s--Hundreds of quips enter, Adam Nedeff wins because he's funny and he has half of Hollywood under his thumb.” -Klaussie

“You’re not you when you’re thirsty.” -Q, the Double Entendre of the Year

“Nobody ever robbed a convenience store to get sugar money.” -Brandon

“If you're mad at rich peoples kids for getting special acceptance/treatment at college and you aren't mad about all the athletes that get the same thing you're a hypocrite. Ya'll leave Aunt Becky alone.” -Stephanie

“Damn it! I used too much stick.” /Ethan

“And her tights say two cents a dance.” -Kimberly

“Go home, That’s Right. You’re clearly on meth.” -Evil Travis

“I paid $700 for THAT?!” -Klaussie

“Florida is now under a Jim Cantore watch.” -Braden

“Good Brother, but Bad Mother!” -Gordon

“Dude. Even Nike hates Duke!” -D

“For 15 points, Will Smith’s arrogant cousin Hillary appeared in an episode of NBC’s hit sitcom Blossom. Another episode of blossom featured Don Novello playing the role of Father Guido Sarducci, and Father Guido Sarducci also popped up on an episode of Married...With children. Stay with me here. David Faustino’s character Bud Bundy also popped up all the Fox network sitcom Parker Lewis Can’t Lose. In another episode of Parker Lewis Can’t Lose, Parker crosses paths with grown-up Eddie Haskell, who of course,We all remember from Leave It to Beaver. His next-door neighbors, June, Wally, and Beaver Cleaver were all characters in an episode of the Love Boat. Now there is this other episode of the Love Boat where all of Charlie’s Angels are on board. In an episode of Charlie’s Angels, Dan Tanna shows up from Vega$. But that’s not important right now. Remember when I said Parker Lewis had crossed paths with Eddie Haskell? Well Eddie also popped up on an episode of Hi Honey I’m Home. So did Gale Gordon‘s character Mr. Mooney, who you might remember from the Lucy Show. There’s an episode of the Lucy Show where Lucy crosses paths with Private Gomer Pyle, USMC, who, of course originally appeared on the Andy Griffith show, which was a spinoff of Make Room for Daddy. On an episode of Make Room for Daddy, Danny encounters Buddy Sorrell, one of Alan Brady’s writers on The Dick Van Dyke Show. Alan Brady later appeared on Mad About You, where Ursula was the twin sister of Phoebe from Friends, and Phoebe’s friend Chandler Bing showed up on Caroline and the City, where Caroline draws a popular comic strip that is read and enjoyed by Daphne Moon, the caretaker for Dr. Frasier Crane’s disabled father. Dr. Crane used to hang out at a Boston bar called Cheers, where Norm, Cliff, and Carla encounter Drs. Auschlander & Westphall, but on a landmark 1988 broadcast, we learn that Drs. Auschlander & Westphall never existed and that all of the shows I mentioned in this question are logically the figments of the imagination of Tommy Westphall, Who is the only character who demonstrably existed on what beloved medical drama?” -Adam

“Snapchat Catch Phrase!” -Will & Erinn

“#1800235DEAD!” -...damn near everybody

“Charles Stiles, Mystery Diners.” -Charles Stiles, Mystery Diners

“This tea is delicious.” -Kimberly === Here’s to 2019... Come together, just think of tomorrow.

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leegeumhyuks · 7 years

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Seventeen in Toronto Highlights (Long Post)

this is gonna be such a shit post im basically ranting bc i have a lot of seventeen feels rn (its gonna be long too)

the concert happened like 4 days ago and I’m still not over it

Okay so I live in new Brunswick so it was a 15 hour drive one way. We drove up the day before and drove home the day after.

It was tiring, but so worth it. One of the best experiences of my life(oh btw i went with a friend ^^)

(not relevant to the concert but we went to a cute Korean store called Sarah and Tom which had a MASSIVE collection of kpop albums so I bought Going Seventeen and a BTS album :) )

Alright so the concert was at a place called Massey Hall which is more like a theater than a concert stadium [lowkey looked like a place you would go to see a play or an opera or some shit]

it was a pretty small place so really no matter where you sat, you could see really well so any seat was a good seat

Me and my friend were center-balcony near the back so we had a very clear view of the stage (other than there was some tall dude in front of me so it was a bit difficult at times)

We arrived outside the venue at around 6:20 (concert started at 7) and the line to get in already went around a whole block. People were stopping to ask what was going on and apparently it made the Toronto news??

So we get in at around 6:40 and the venue is already more than half full and theyre just playing music videos and everyone was singing along

And when I say everyone was singing along i mean everyone

Honestly I only remember a few of the songs but I they played BoomBoom, Very Nice, Highlight, Healing, and Check In

I have never been happier in my entire life when every single damn person in the venue did Mingyu’s “WhhoAHHH YeaAAHHH’ part. Super. Fucking. Loud

Alright so let me tell you my dudes, It was the biggest adrenaline rush when all the lights went out and you could see the boys run out on stage in the dimness. My heart felt like it stopped.

The lights turn on and I hear Dokyum say “Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to Diamond Edge” but honestly I wasnt even paying attention bc I was just so blown away

Literally my very first thought upon seeing them was “They’re not real” bc the very first person I looked at was Jeonghan and I thought he was so damn gorgeous he must be fake

He’s literal ethereal. I could go off about how good looking he is. Honestly the true visual of Svt (i swear hes not my bias)

So the very first stage was Pretty U and honestly I dont remember much bc i was too busy freaking out over the fact that I was actually there and they were actually here. I just remember everyone dancing along to Dokyums “Neoneoneoneo” part and all of us doing the “Yeppeuda” part

(they performed Beautiful right after and i really dont remember much of it other than the dance in the chorus [i have such a shit memory its mainly why im making this post before ill forget it all])

So after that they went straight into Adore U (which is my fav svt song although it probably isnt anymore after habits but ill talk about that in a bit)

Oh man if you thought I went off about Jeonghans visuals let me tell you about this mans vocals. They’re so sweet. Sweeter than honey. Jeonghans part in the chorus is my absolute favorite part of the song and it sounds 10000x better live. He just sings it so flawlessly while doing the dance and overall I was just so impressed??

Jihoon also sounded amazing but like let me just take a minute and say every single member sounded fucking perfect and flawless like if you aren’t stanning Seventeen then what are you doing

And the dances were so on point too. I didn’t notice any slip ups or anybody trippin or nothing. Like you’d think they’d show signs of fatigue or being tired bc they did two shows the few days before but they were all so hyped and gave their all in every stage and they genuinely looked like they were enjoying themselves

Anyways back to Adore U

Everyone in the crowd did the “Akkinda” part and I could see Soonyoung smiling so big bc of that like he was really happy bc of it

After Adore U finished they all lined up to do their intros and introduced themselves as a group and then did their individual intros

Most of them just did a casual “Hi I’m ___” but then you had the extra™️ members

Soonyoung got us all to chant something (im not sure what it was exactly I think it was ‘rock the beat’) and then he did his usual “What time is it??” “10 Hour 10 Minute” which honestly made my life i was hoping for him to do that (i love soonyoung sm honestly most of my favorite moments of the concert were bc of him)

Dokyum also did a thing where he got everyone to scream for him

All of their intros were great but none of them were as memorable as Jihoons for me

I know a lot of people were saying ‘He’s not that small in person’, but to me he was so small and cute and I just wanted to go and hug him bc hes so freaking adorable

So Jihoon’s kinda quiet and shy in general, we know that from variety shows and such but I saw it a lot in the concert. Like when other members were talking he just stood quietly with his hands folded and there was this one part where they all ran towards the edge of the stage and gave hearts and Jihoon like covered his face a bit and looked embarrassed

So anyways he does like this cute little “Hi guys” and I just fucking melted right there. I made an audible “awwwww” sound that my friend was like ???

I love Jihoon so much and I will forever see him as the cute and adorable little smol (boi got a voice tho holy shit)

So they talked a bit more after that about how they walked around Toronto a bit the day before and how they were impressed with the crowd dancing along to Pretty U and Mingyu taught us a little chant where they would say “Seventeen Carat” and we would go ‘clap clap Ehhhhh’ it was weird but cute

So they went straight into Still Lonely from there and I hate my brain for not remembering most of it bc its one of my favorite songs but I just remember Minghao doing Jun’s part in the last chorus and sounding amazing honestly i want an official 13 member version of that song

So after that was Very Nice which was indeed, very nice. Dancing on point. Dino and Vernons rap were amazing and the whole audience did the “Maja” part

Also dont remember much of that stage but I definitely remember the last part bc thats the part where my son, Chan, is in the front. 10/10

Okay so I have 2 favorite performances of the night. One of which was Swimming Fool. I am such a hoe for Performance unit (considering 2 of my biases are in it) so actually every performance of theirs was my fav but Swimming Fool tho.

That song is one of my favs and I had never seen the dance before so I was basically dying the whole time. Soonyoung’s little wiggle dance and the jumping up and down dance that Chan did. The whole dance was so cute tbh Ive been re-watching that video every day since. (if youve never seen the dance pls watch this. Not my video tho)

Alright imma talk about Soonyoung for a minute. This boi. Was so hyper the entire concert. He was doing his usual yelling during songs and was giggling a whole lot, I noticed. (He also dabbed like 20 times and i was like someone pls stop him)

(There was one part where he went and dabbed right in front of Jihoon and i laughed a little harder than i should have)

And I’m honestly so glad that Soonyoung was feeling great the whole time bc apparently at the Chicago(?) show he wasn’t able to perform bc he was sick so we were extremely blessed that all 13 members were well and healthy to perform for us so like thank u jesus for keeping them all safe

(I was lowkey worried about that a lot before the concert bc of when I heard Hyungwon was missing parts of the tour with MX so I was like “Lord pls let it be all 13″)

anywho so all the members went to change outfits and they played a vcr (dont remember what of tho i have such a shit memory)

So yall they did Mansae next and started out with the class chairs and Dokyum was the teacher at the blackboard it was rlly cute!! ^^ And towards the end they repeated the “MansaeMansae” part and got everyone to do the dance it was such a great time

So while the rest of the group was preparing for the next stage(i presume), Chan and Seungcheol came out, just the two of them, with a gopro and said it was the camera for “Going Seventeen” and were filming the crowd and interacting with us a bit. And then they had a dance battle (Which Dino clearly won Seungcheol didnt stand a chance against Michael Chanson)

So then everybody came out and did BoomBoom which was incredible (every stage was amazing i feel like i shouldnt have to say it) Most of the crowd even did the shirt thing which was really fun. Chan slayed his rap (i love my son)

So after that there was another vcr and the members changed outfits again

Vocal unit came out and sang We Gonna Make It Shine and boys let me say I have never fell in love with someone vocals so much before in my life. Like I’ve always loved Jihoon’s voice bc it was unique and its got a nasally tone to it and I love it, but hearing it in person made me love it 100x more

And for a while I actually thought Jihoon wasn’t singing?? Bc he just sounded so flawless, like exactly like the recording that I thought ‘maybe hes lip singing bc his throat is bad or something’ and I’m hitting myself now for even thinking that bc really Lee Jihoon is just the most amazing vocalist I’ve ever heard Boo Seungkwan who???

So yeah Vocal unit slayed even though I’ll always like the 2014 version of that song with Soonyoung better

As soon as that song ended they went straight into Don’t Listen and omg let me talk about visuals. The stage had this whole setup with a table with some fancy ass candles on it and there was a throne that Joshua was sitting in and the lighting was really eerie and I really don’t listen to that song much but im gonna listen to it every day from now on bc damn

HipHop unit had their turn next where they did some song which I had never heard of before called “On Haeng Il Chi” and it was dope then went into Check In and once again everyone did Mingyus “ohhhhhHHh yeahH” part (glorious I tell you)

Seungcheol was serving looks the whole time bc he was wearing this black suit set and he just looked so good the whole time. Honestly Seungcheol was such a tease the whole concert and i got a look at his thighs at one point and man he thicc

Vernon was also wearing this nice green shirt and I just really liked it for some reason and I wish I had taken more pictures and videos I hate myself for not doing that

AlrIGHT Performance Unit time!!! So leadin up to the concert I thought they were gonna perform “WHO” bc it was a bonus track and I just thought they would perform it for some reason so when they were all standing there ready for the song to start, the amount of confusion on my face when OMG came on… Wasn’t disappointed tho that performance was awesome

Still would like to see a performance of WHO tho I hope they’ll do that next time

And then they did Highlight and me and my friend even switched seats so I could get a better video of it bc I love that song so much. Also leading up to the concert I knew they were going to do this song but I wasn’t sure if they were going to do 13 member version or not but I’m glad it was just the 4 of them

Oh man okay I’m gonna talk about my bias, Chan, for a second. His stage presence in every song is seriously amazing. A main reason why hes my bias is bc im a huge fan of his dancing and his dance style(and he pretty cute) and seeing him perform live was incredible. it was almost overwhelming bc I couldnt believe someone this talented existed and I was watching them in their element

Like he put his all into the dance while still executing his raps and vocals perfectly. His voice actually does sound a bit different live, like its a bit higher than I expected but he was so on point the whole night why is he such an underrated member

Okay so the members had another outfit change after this and these outfits were straight up sinful. Not to mention the first song they performed in them was equally as sinful so I’m going to on about this performance bc this was the best performance imo. I will never forget it. It’s ingrained into my brain forever

So Crazy In Love starts. Okay so I don’t listen to this song much as far as just listening to it in my free time, but I’d seen the dance before so as soon as I heard the music, I knew we were royally fucked. I wasn’t expecting this song probably bc i forgot it existed but its my new fav song guys this performance ruined me.

So the lights come on at the very first part and these mofos are wearing tight black skinny pants (which looked like they were leather but they werent) and red silk sparkly shirts that were tucked in. Every single member looked flawless

(Also didn’t mention this before but all of their hair was styled so well bless the stylists. I normally prefer a more natural color for hair on idols so I was glad the colorful dye had faded and most of them just went with black or brown)

But lord have mercy when the song started. Okay Chan is my bias but I could not stop staring at Soonyoung almost the entire time - minus for Chan’s “talking about love” part (which I remember doing the dance for and screaming while doing so)

Like you get Swimming Fool Soonyoung whos all cute and playful and going “YEEEE HAWW” during the song and then you get Crazy In Love Soonyoung whos all bedroom eyes and sexy glares and just everything about the way he moves is mesmerizing (i swear. Hes NOT my bias)

So getting through the first chorus is hard enough when BOTH my bias and bias wrecker are up in front doing that provocative shit and I was so conflicted on which one to stare at but I ended up staring at Soonyoung the whole time.

And then in the second chorus when it’s just Jeonghan doing it and both me and my friend screamed so loud ugh the outfits were so perfect for this dance i wanted to D I E

And then it gets to the Part in the song yknow the “Ooohhhhh” part where they spin around and when it was Soonyoungs part to do that by himself. I don’t even have words for how that made me feel. That image is in my mind forever. You know that meme thats like “you ever wonder whats going on in someones head?” well yeah its that for me

It’s just Soonyung doing that one dance move

okay moving on Ive talked about this enough

My I was right after and I’d never seen the dance to that either and it was really beautiful and cool like idk how to describe it. It was like a very romantic type of dance and Jun and Minghao had such great chemistry on stage together they really blew me away

OKay now imma freak out some more bc Vocal Unit performed Habits. I actually recorded this whole song so I wasn’t really paying attention to what was happening on stage bc they were all just standing there with mic stand anyways. I was enjoying the audio and their lovely vocals. (Again, Jihoon really exceeded my expectations in this song. Like for some members like Dokyum and Seungkwan I know theyre gonna sound great and its not like I didn’t for the rest but I’m just still not over how good EVERYONE sounded)

So I’m enjoying them vocals and the song ends and my friend taps on my arm and points to her face and there are actual tears. This bitch really cried. At the time I was like “during Habits of all songs??” but i was so naive now I understand(I cried 2 days later listening to that song)

Hiphop unit then did If I which I remember 0 of I think I was still too shook from Vocal Unit

I just remember their little hip thrust dance and then immediately after was a ment and Soonyoung was mimicking HH units dance and giggling like an idiot and got the whole crowd to sing and dance to If I

“Ohh Toronto. Dancing good”

Then they were all arguing over which unit’s performance suited Toronto the best but then decided that they all did

And then Soonyoung dabbed

Too many times

Everyone also dabbed with him this group is a M E S S

And then they got Jeonghan to do Aegyo so he spun around and made a heart and said “Toronto I love you!” in the cutest voice possible I swear I’m in love with Jeonghans voice

And then Wonwoo did a cute little dance to which we all chanted ‘Go Wonwoo’ for and then Soonyoung dabbed

again

(It made Jihoon cringe every time)

Then Jeonghan tried to get Seungkwan to sing something and Boo was like ‘moVING ON” but he gave in and sang a bit of Hello by adele which was really nice. Like damn the acoustics in that theater were no joke bc its a theater (i assume) made for plays and stuff and him singing without any track sounded really nice.

And then they asked my boi Chan to dance so he started singing Billie Jean by Michael Jackson and doing the hipthrust dance and Seungkwan ran over like ‘nOO”. But Chan just kept dancing and singing and having a good time and being w i l d to which Seungcheol cracked up at. He literally fell on the floor laughing

And they kept going on about how this was a totally special stage for Toronto, “only for Toronto”

So then they went on to say they were gonna perform a very “hot” song next and my clueless ass was like ‘Don’t wanna cry?’ but naw it was ROCK which I only recorded part of bc the lighting was bad and my phone sucks

But okay I can just say that Wonwoo’s voice sounds 10x deeper in person. If you thought his rap was really deep in that song, wait until you hear it live. For a long time Wonwoo was my favorite rapper in kpop and I think hes regaining that title he was very good the whole night and I really like his deep voice

and then they did Chuck which was SO AMAZING HOLY CRAP

I love that song sm in the first place but I love it even more now upon seeing and hearing it in person. I recorded a bit of that one too and love it i watch that video like 3 times a day

So then they had another short Ment where they taught us the dance to Chuck and Soonyoung doing the “brrrr” part was so adorable I wanted to die. (I feel like Im talking about Soonyoung a lot but im just so glad he was able to perform in Toronto ilysm)

So then Vernon was like “I actually have some bad new for yall” and all the members were like ‘whaaat??’ and pretending to be shocked

So Vernon goes on: “The next song is actually the last song for the night” and Soonyoung made this fake crying noise and then dabbED LIKE 5 TIMES

That was when he went over to Jihoon and dabbed right in front of him and then was like “Oh my god our last song?”

and then Vernon being the cheeky ass that he is was like “Yeah and I really dont wanna cry about it” and then him and Soonyoung went to the back of the stage to “cry” and all the other members were “crying”

Then Vernon came back and like “I wonder what our next song is tho? Hm????” and im like really bitch

So Soonyoung yelled ‘are you ready’ a few times and then they performed Don’t Wanna Cry which was INCREDIBLE

They were all in perfect sync like im seriously amazed. These boys probably have to practice day and night to get dances like that. It was amazing

So the boys left the stage for a bit and there was a another vcr which was of all the member explaining what carats were to them and it was really sweet and my friend cried again (she cried like 3 times that night) and I died at Jihoons bc there was this short clip of him and hes just so darn cute

so they came out again and performed Shining Diamond but were wearing casual jeans and half were wearing blue shirts and the other half were wearing pink shirts and Soonyoung looked so good in that outfit bc his shirt was tucked in in the front and his hair was just so great

anyways they all looked like they had fun performing that song and Soonyoung was yelling as usual and there was one part of the dance that was super satisfying bc all the colors of the shirts lined up and it was just really nice to look at.

And then they performed Healing which we had special banners to hold up during. There was one part I remember bc I couldnt see bc everyone was holding their banners above their heads, but Seungcheol jumped onto Mingyus back and koala hugged him for a good minute and a half and Mingyu kept trying to get him off and Seungcheol just smiled like an idiot and latched on. Eventually he got down and then grabbed his water bottle and dumped half of it onto the people in the front(splash zone)

So once that song ended, Toronto Carats had actually prepared something special for Seventeen. So certain seats had a red board on it that you would hold up after Healing ended but only so many seats had them so it made a message in the crowd and I think it was just 2 hearts and ‘1 7′ and the members looked really surprised like Vernon and Minghao were next to each other and were like :O

Seungcheol and Jeonghan looked really shocked too, overall none of them expected it

So then the goodbye ments came and I was ready to die as soon as they started. They all said the similar kind of thing like “we had a good time we’ll come again soon ect…”

But Minghao’s was all in english and it was the cutest damn thing i have ever heard in my life. He started out with “Today I am so happy because of our Toronto Carats energy.”

and then says the cutest shit ever: “We are like friends. We look after each other and love each other” He also kept looking over at Vernon to make sure he was saying it right

and then he said something like “we care for each other” and the fkcigingf df went “and everyone, don’t be sick. Always be happy okay?” IN LIKE THE CUTEST WAY POSSIBLE I WANTED TO SCREAM I MEAN I PROBABLY DID BUT STILL

and then I only remember Chan saying something like “We’ll be back soon, and when we are you have to promise that you’ll come to our show” and then Soonyoung and Seungcheol held out their pinkies for us to promise them and I held my pinky bc I damn promise if they come to Toronto again I will be seeing them for sure. Or I’ll try my best anyways

and they all gave us hearts and said they loved us and did a bow and then all had to leave the stage and I almost cried;;

I remember Soonyoung was the last to leave the stage bc he kept waving and saying goodbye

Also I remember a person sticking their hand out one last time and it was kind funny bc I just see this random hand pop out for like a split second. I didn’t know who it was at the time, but I later found out it was Dokyum :3

So yeah, he’s not my bias, but Soonyoung made my night

Anyways. I’m still having post-concert depression. Honestly I don’t think I’ll ever be able to listen to another seventeen song again without crying. All in all, it was one of the best nights of my life and if it wasn’t for my best friend who bought the tickets and surprised me with them and her mom who drove us up the whole long way. Highlight of my summer.

#i say honestly a lot #god this is long #took me like 3 hours to write and i had to watch fancams to remember stuff #i love seventeen so much you guys honestly u dont udneratand #i cried like 3 times the other day #bc of them #seventeen #diamond edge #toronto #2017 #svt #17 #my post #long post

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theworstbob · 7 years

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yellin’ at songs: 1997, part one

the songs that debuted on the billboard chart between 11 january and 8 march 1997

that may seem like an arbitrary cut-off, and that’s because it is, my sleep got hella fucked and i couldn’t focus on listening to these songs for more than like three at a time (bob we know sgdq was last week) LET ME BELIEVE I TRIED MY BEST, but i have a soft deadline of tuesday for these posts and DIDN’T WANT TO SHORT YOU so here are 50+ reviews and i will do my darndest to catch up with 1997 by the end of the week

1.11.1997

65) "In My Bed," by Dru Hill

oh gosh this just kicks it off right. this is the epitome of '90s cheese: an absurdly talented man singing a song about heartbreak and/or lovemaking over a thousand chimes. bravo, everyone that could have made this happen. i expect i'll get as tired of slow-jam r&b tracks a thousand chime noises as i am of dumb meathead trap songs by the time i get to week 27 of 1997, but right now, it's a treat to hear a singer who is legitimately good at singing.

85) "What They Do," by The Roots

You know, I've never actually checked out a full The Roots album. I've always understood they would be something I like, and I understand it's something of a tragedy they're relegated to a sideshow for Jimmy Fallon (of all people, Jimmy Fallon), like, I'm familiar enough with them that listening to this song was like... Like, I went to a friend's birthday party a few months back, and it was at this bar I hadn't heard of. I'm not usually the sort of person who goes to bars, and I haven't been back since, but something about that bar just instantly felt like home to me, like, maybe the tacos, or maybe the atmosphere, or maybe the fact I nearly smoked weed for the first time with the chef, but I left that bar thinking, "This is the sort of place I'd like to be a regular." That's what listening to a 20-year-old Roots song is like. It's like instantly knowing you're home.

96) "Tears," by The Isley Brothers

"God so loved the world/That he blessed us all with you/Then he gave me a heart/And now I'm giving it to you" THAT IS AN AMAZING LYRIC AND THAT SINGLE-HANDEDLY SALVAGED THIS SONG AND THIS REVIEW. Like I was struggling with how to say this song was boring, but then that line just dropped into my lap, and it... It's as if the Christian god God so loved the world that he gave this lyric to us all, and then he gave me a heart so I could give it to this song. That is quality corniness, right there.

1.18.1997

62) "It's All About U," by SWV

1997 is batting 1.000 right now. This isn't quite an absolute jam, but there's some solid harmonies, a really fun funk-influenced track, and what sounds like Jay-Z going "unh" once every few seconds. This is a good time! 1997 is so much more fun than the other years, is the snap judgement I am making twenty minutes in. 2017 is the confused goth kid who mistakes being dark with being interesting, and 2007's a chill dude with the right person but kind of a stiff sometimes, and 1997's just the life of the party.

84) "Firestarter," by The Prodigy

Pobody's nerfect, 1997. Solid start, but even the best fall down sometimes. This dude describes himself as twisted in the chorus and in one of the verses, and when someone has to insist that they're twisted, that's how you know they're crazy. Oooh, this dude loves fire, that's not a trait this dude shares with a thousand teenage boys who all think they're funnier than they are. (Speaking from experience.) Such a wondrous mind to be so tortured! Truly the Kanye of his generation!

90) "Colour of Love," by Amber

OK. OK, so, this was an unpleasant thing to listen to, but man, listening to this song while having the video on in the background was an assault on the senses. The video is pastel in all the wrong ways, and I was heretofore a believer that there is no such thing as a wrong way to use pastel, but ye gods, the awful color scheme and the aggressively cheery song (LOVE IS GOOD. YOU WILL AGREE THAT LOVE IS GOOD. THIS IS HAPPY NOISES FOR HAPPY THOUGHTS.) made this potentially the most unpleasant listening experience i've had so far for YAS. 1997 has established a high ceiling and a frighteniningly low floor.

1.25.1997

11) "Wannabe," by Spice Girls

This song has 58,236 dislikes on YouTube. Mind you, this song is 20 years old. YouTube, to the best of my knowledge, does not allow you to view a video at random, though I'll cop to not knowing the full extent of YouTube's features. But to have listened to this song on YouTube, you had to go to YouTube intending to listen to this song, which means there are nearly 58,236 people on this planet who intentionally went to the official "Wannabe" music video on YouTube dot com solely to hit the dislike button. There are, obviously, more worthless people; I doubt that the entire Republican party is on YouTube. Hitting the dislike button on this video, though, is still a demarcation of general worthlessness. Anyway, this song, it's not as good as you remember or as bad as you want it to be. It's just a bad pop song elevated by memory. Also, none of these girls could sing. Like I didn't expect SWV-level work, but man, this was disappointing to listen to. Like, I watched Space Jam once as an adult because I was awake at 1 AM and wanted to fire off some tweets, only to learn that Space Jam wasn't like an amazingly bad movie it was just a lazily-written and poorly-acted and boring-bad, and hearing this song made me feel the same disappointment I felt watching Space Jam.

32) "Can't Nobody Hold Me Down," by Puff Daddy ft./Mase

I talk a lot about The Game's 1992 because it's an amazing album, but like the entire time I was listening to this song, I couldn't stop hearing the hook for "Orange Juice." Mostly because it's easy to ignore Mase. Not a good rapper, this man! Nor is P. Diddy! It's a classic track, and I am glad someone else made a better home for it.

33) "On & On," by Erykah Badu

This seems like one of those songs that sort of defies the point of this whole enterprise, because it demands a deeper listen and more thought than I, needing to cram hundreds of pop songs into a few hours spread across a few days, an able to give. This seems like a track that'll reward multiple listens, and Erykah Badu's on the same musical to-do list as The Roots, and it does not seem like a good track to gloss over so we can get to whatever trash is next. Leah Andreone, always a good sign when you don't recognize the name.

79) "It's Alright, It's OK," by Leah Andreone

MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM. MOM WHERE DID YOU PUT MY ALANIS CDS. OH MY GOD DON'T EVEN JOKE, IF YOU REALLY THREW THEM AWAY I'LL BE SO SAD. UGH, YOU'RE RUNING MY LIFE! This song is as wonderfully bad as I wanted "Wannabe" to be. Like, some of the pained noises she makes with her voice are making me laugh out loud. My goodness. SHE WAS 24! Man, I mean, this really puts Tay Tay into perspective a little bit, y'know? Like, Tay Tay wrote a lot of bad songs, but she never wrote anything so dumb as "Her ideas need expression/Her wounds never bleed/Her beauty lives in my eyes/Too bad she can't see." Like, the same age this woman was when she made this song, Tay Tay made "Style." We take Tay Tay for granted, is what I'm trying to say. "Cloudy diamonds freebase fun house." Just say meth, dude.

87) "Setting Sun," by CHEMICAL BROTHERS

You could give me a thousand hours and I wouldn't be able to tell you how this was meaningfully different from "Firestarter."

89) "Stand Up," by Love Tribe

This is a dance track I can get behind! Not some awful thing with noises meant to evoke darkness and mosery, a song that says "Hey, dancing is fun! Get out there and do it! Don't feel bad about it!" It's still Eurotrash, but at least it's the fun Eurovisiony side of the genre, not trash trying to disguise itself as recyclable materials.

91) "Another You, Another Me," by Brady Seals

...You know, I don't like that I had to listen to a Charlie Puth song for YAS 17, because Charlie Puth is a boring dude and his songs are bad, but at least Charlie Puth has something akin to a personality. "Marvin Gaye" is a song devoid of creativity, but at least I can identify Charlie Puth as someone who enjoys Marvin Gaye. Milquetoast white dudes in the '90s were just boring fucking white dudes. They didn't have to have ANYTHING like a personality, they could have a nice haircut and sing about love and that was it! I can't believe someone out there loved this song enough to keep it with them and uploaded it to YouTube. I can't believe someone remembered this song and uploaded it to YouTube.

92) "Don't Stop Movin'," by Livin' Joy

So all the dance tracks have been boring and don't really move my needle, but at least electronic music in the '90s wasn't trying to infuse itself with sensitivity or artistic ambition. It was just trash to dance to. None of these songs are "Something Just Like This." The Livin' Joy Wikipedia page states, "Sadly Livin' Joy never managed the same level of success from their first two singles," and I am glad there is a page on Wikipedia being so neglected that some subjectivity can sneak in. That "Sadly" speaks volumes about the state of Livin' Joy's Wikipedia page.

2.1.1997

19) "Every Time I Close My Eyes," by Babyface

This was fine. It's nice to dip back into the sexy R&B slow jamz, it'd been a week, I was worried maybe the trend was over, but nope, here it is, slow and sexy as ever. Well met. ...I think I might be exaggerating the slow jamz, looks like it may be a couple weeks before we get another one, I dunno, I just couldn't come up with anything fresh to say about this song. Guy loves his girl and sings well about it. Great!

52) "Things'll Never Change/Rapper's Ball," by E-40 ft./Bo-Rock

As a longtime enjoyer of podcasts on the Maximum Fun network, I have long been aware of E-40 from all the times Jesse Thorn has upheld the virtues of San Francisco rap. This is probably not a great introduction to E-40. I would not have guessed E-40 would have made a message song based on all the descriptions of him I had heard. It's not a great message song, it's like "What It's Like" but with a weirdly bouncy beat and a weaker condemnation of the listener ("some things will never change/that's just the way it is/when will we ever learn" are we supposed to, what, accept that things don't change? what do you want from me, song. how am i supposed to help).

76) "Watch Me Do My Thing (From All That)," by Immature ft./Smooth & Ed from "Good Burger"

It's kind of amazing that All That was ever a thing. It's a show that presumes that: 1) children would want to watch sketch comedy, 2) specifically sketch comedy performed by other children which are just incredibly silly things to presume. No child should be watching sketch comedy that isn't going to grow up to be a sketch comedian. This song, made with one of All That's most beloved recurring characters, is about as good as any song made by 10-year-olds for 10-year-olds is ever going to be. Well done, congrats, oh hey Marques Houston you pop up ten years later great for you!

77) "Let Me Clear My Throat," by DJ Kool

This song is one verse and then a man shouting at people for three minutes. I thought I listened to the live version on accident, but nope, this is the actual song, this is the canonical version, one verse and then A THOUSAND EXHORTATIONS. Ah! Ah! Ah ah ah! That means I want to party like DJ Kool and his friends. Ah! Ah! Sorry, sorry, he just told me to say "Ah!" after he said "Uh." He said that when he says freeze, he wants me to stop on the dime, so I guess I have no choice to obey him! I feel involved in th

93) "Runnin'," by Tupac, Notorious B.I.G., Radio, & Dramacydal

oh whoa a song with tupac and biggie on the track, that's crazy, i wonder if anything else happens in 1997 that would bring tupac and biggie together? Technically, this song is a 1995 release that people happened to purchase in 1997 for whatever reason, so despite being rather dope, I do wish I had found a reason to disqualify it from any consideration. I wouldn't have heard this song, but I would've saved five minutes and also not had to make the decision on whether I, someone mostly ignorant of hip-hop history, should write about the Tupac/Biggie feud. ...I mean, we're not done, not by any stretch of the imagination, but one less Tupac/Biggie-centric song would've been nice.

94) "My Baby Mama," by QT

So okay. Okay. This song, okay, this song? It's amazing. Like, let's get this out of the way, this song is the awesome bad the '90s knew I would one day need, like criminy, but this song? This song. This is a song about a man telling the mother of his child that she can always count on him, but also he pretty clearly left his baby's mama at some point, so she can't actually count on him. This song is so weird! This is the most loyal disloyal man alive. He sees his baby's mama at the mall with another man. "He was touching my baby/I went crazy/I shoulda beat that." DON'T BEAT UP YOUR BABY'S MAMA'S NEW LOVER AT THE SHOPPING MALL FOR TOUCHING YOUR CHILD, JEEZY PETES. Maybe QT isn't the greatest male role model for his kid to have. Gosh, I'm glad this song got put into my life.

96) "Whateva Man," by Redman

nothing like enjoying a classic hip-hop song and then they describe the effect the marijuana they are smoking is having on them by declaring themselves "chinky eyed." that's such a delightful turn of phrase, i hope we never get rid of it, it's so comfortable to think about and consider. also, "I smoked with a lot of college students/Most of 'em wasn't graduatin' and they knew it." that's a quality line. it's no chinky-eyed! it's still pretty great.

2.8.1997

66) "Please Don't Go," by No Mercy

This is absolutely solid. It's a fun Latin twist on the standard '90s pop song, like not 100% Latin pop, just a normal pop song with enough Latin influence to make it more unique than that Amber nonsense from a thousand years ago. Just a grand old time, better than most of the things I've had to listen to so far to be sure, if maybe not great enough to justify the enterprise. We will unearth a classic, and not an ironic one like "My Baby Mama," we will find something that didn't deserve to be forgotten, and we will find it in this post!

75) "I Always Feel Like (Somebody's Watching Me)," by Tru ft./Ice Cream Man (Master P) & Mia X

If you'll permit me to grade this song based on what it isn't, this song was not a cover of the Rockwell song with a lazy rap verse attached, and I am ever grateful for that. As for the track: neat! All involved did fine work! Mia X's verse was particularly worthy of note, that young woman was out her mind, and I appreciated it. Good work! This also is not the classic I was hoping to unearth, this isn't the nugget we're hoping to find, but flakes in our pan are nothing to sneeze at.

78) "We Danced Anyway," by Deana Carter

Hey! Country! Welcome! This is pleasant. Week 5 of 1997 has just been pleasant, not great, just nice songs by nice (hopefully) people that I can accept.

95) "Fired Up!" by Funky Green Dogs

House music, you just have to ruin everything good, don't you? Quick note about YouTube comments: the YouTube comments under every other genre are "man, my preferred genre of music was way better back when music still sounded good to me," but for house, you don't see people trashing the Chainsmokers or whatever, you just see comments like, "Man, this song was playing the first time I took mushrooms. What a trip!" and it's like, good on ya, house music people. Your music is horrendous, but y'all good people.

98) "Passion," by K5

YouTube Comments Under Shitty Dance Music, Vol. I Commenter: I shuffle skate to this almost every Saturday, the high point of my week Uploader: Wish they still had skatin rinks around here man. Miss those days. Someone in this exchange is the sadder person, but I can't tell if it's the only person whose single-greatest joy is derived from a weekly trip to the roller rink or the person who can't make time in their schedule for the roller rink. We had a good thing going with this set of five songs, and now I'm just sad for these people who love roller skating too much.

2.15.1997

56) "What's on Tonight," by Montell Jordan

"I pray that you're wearing Victoria's Secrets/Oh, that blows my mind" That's acceptable! I enjoy the image of a woman wearing lingerie that this song brings to mind! I agree with this song so far. "Now what should I bring/Strawberries I'm thinkin/Or some honey for your toes" I'm out. Nope. You can't get me to sway to your foot thing. I refuse. I'm not gonna do it. How dare you even try, sir. Gosh. We had something really great going, and the -- don't talk about toes! Not on the single, man! Sir, this is NOT how we do it.

78) "I'll Be," by Foxy Brown ft./Jay-Z

BABY JAY! This song is phenomenal. I don't really think about how deep the roster of female rappers was in the '90s, but man, the woman on "I Always Feel Like" and Foxy Brown have both killed it. Like, I defy anyone to come away from this song thinking Jay-Z badly overshadowed Foxy Brown. He overshadows her, yeah, it's Jay-Z in a moment where he was getting mighty close to the peak of his powers (if he wasn't already there), but Foxy Brown more than holds her own, and the realtive equality at play makes this song a complete jam. Highlight of the year so far!

79) "It's in Your Eyes," by Phil Collins

Ugh.

87) "Take Your Time," by Tre ft./Krayzie Bone

this was cool and also it faded from memory as soon as the song ended also i'm trying to find out more information about Tre but apparently the band doesn't exist and they have a name with really poor seo. like, the wikipedia page for krayzie bone's discography doesn't even mention this song, and i find it hard to believe this was the most forgettable song krayzie bone ever featured on. the wiki lists two songs where some entity named Damizza is the lead artist, but omits tre from the complete record of krayzie bone history. this is weird, like the song is forgettable beyond the "take. your. tiiiiiiiiiime" chorus, but it deserves better than complete erasure!

88) "The Theme (It's Party Time)," by Tracey Lee

This is chill. It's as disposable as any of the rap tracks in 2007 or 2017, no one is pointing to this basic party jam when arguing the virtues of '90s hip-hop, but not every song is going to be a classic, and this song wasn't intended to sound like something more than a red Solo cup. OK work, sir. Congrats on making an accpetable song.

92) "Without Your Love," by Angelina

...look, i've been writing these posts for 27 weeks, and i'm more than a month deep into 1997. i don't claim to know every word i write, but i know i have not used this word before, because i don't believe it has critical value, but i'm listening to this song, and i can't tell if i have the right version, but i'm with this song, and, like, the beat sounds like farts. i'm sorry. but that's the most accurate descriptor available. there are fart noises on this track. people played this song on the radio! it has been seven months and i've made myself listen to multiple piles song, i am entitled to point out that a song sounds like farts when it legit sounds like farts. i'm sorry, angelina. you seem nice. your song is unpleasant.

93) "Drop Dead Gorgeous," by Republica

ye gods, it's as if they mashed everything bad about '90s music into one song. all it's missing is an allsuion to a foot fetish, and it would've checked every box on the list of things i hate about doing this to myself so far.

2.22.1997

10) "Discotheque," by U2

You can't tell me white privilege doesn't exist when we live in a world where U2 was allowed to continue making music after making this song. What the hell is this. If Apple tried to put this on our Apple-brand devices, they would have gone bankrupt. This is... How is dance music so fucking hard? You make a fun song that sounds like it'd be fun to dance to. That sounds simple. I don't get how every single band in the '90s trying to make dance music got it so wrong. Oh no he just went "ha! ha! ha! ha!" in the awful Bono falsetto. Mistakes were made.

17) "Don't Cry for Me Argentina," by Madonna

Man., at least when 2007 gave us Broadway, they gave us Jennifer Hudson's rendition of "And I Am Telling You I'm Not Going." Who asked for this. Who was buying Madonna singing Andrew Lloyd Webber. I mean, I guess that's not the craziest decision one could make with their money, but like these people probably also paid for the full soundtrack and for tickets to see the movie and likely the VHS copy, specifically to see Madonna performing Andrew Lloyd Webber, and like, I get it, but also, I don't.

37) "Hard to Say I'm Sorry," by Az Yet ft./Peter Cetera

There's a riff about halfway through the song that nearly made me get out of my chair and shout, like I don't usually feel that way about people doing things with a collection of voices outside of Pentatonix songs, but there is absolutely a moment in this song that gave me chills. I miss this! I miss when people could sing, when the most impressive vocal feat on a song wasn't someone trilling their rs when they say "skrrt."

47) "Barrel of a Gun," by Depeche Mode

DAMNIT EVEN DEPECHE MODE IS BAD. All electronic-influenced music in the '90s was bad, and they even infected Depeche Mode. Depeche Mode is an entity I always understood to be good! This is disappointing. I thought this would at least be something I could get into the Brandi Carlisle or Paramore song I could claim was #1 over far more deserving or iconic tracks, but nope, it's just pointless noise. I'm bummed.

53) "Just Another Day," by John Mellencamp

So a ton of these songs have been absolutely awful. I don't think there's a single week in 1997 so far that would win, and despite weak weeks for the 21st century, it's not looking good for 1997. But this song is a reminder that what doesn't kill me doesn't kill me, so fill me up for just another day IT ONLY HURTS WHEN I BRwrong "Just Another Day" sorry, sorry. This "Just Another Day." It's OK. Look, it's John "Cougar" Mellencamp with another rockin' jam about small town America, I'm sorry, I don't, fuck do you want me to say about this? Just, like, some days I feel like dying, when I'm really only trying to get through "Just Another Day."

57) "Say... If You Feel Alright," by Crystal Waters

Every single house song has the exact same goddamn drum line and it's the fucking drum line from "I'm So Sexy" and it makes me angry every time it starts playing. Everyone who feels nostalgia for this is wrong. There's a comment under the video that just says "The Streetboys," and it has one like, so I'm glad someone agrees with Nairda on this topic.

73) "I'm Not Feeling You," by Yvette Michele

I haven't made the Top 20 yet but I wouldn't be surprised if the entire 1997 Top 20 is just R&B. This year got one thing right, and man, it got that thing incredibly right. Even the slow jamz, they're endless, but only one of the many has been outright awful so far, and even that was tolerable until the allusion to the foot thing, which is still incredibly upsetting I know it's 2017 and I should be desensitized but maybe let's not mainstream foot things, 1997? I'm not focusing on this song, which is amazing and I love it and is '90s in all the best ways. There's a spoken outro! A SPOKEN OUTRO! An absolute classic. It's criminal this only peaked at #44 on the US charts, absolutely criminal.

80) "The Freshmen," by The Verve Pipe

Is this legit the first alternative rock song? How about that, I thought 1997 would be teeming with this sort of thing. Depending on the day, this is either the pinnacle of post-grunge or a combination of everything silly about the genre. It can be all things to all people. The guy has a pleasant growl and it's a song on a heavy subject that treats that subject with respect, and at the same time, it is exceedingly dour and there's 30 seconds of the dude just going "yeah" like in every '90s alt-rock song.

94) "Here's Your Sign (Get the Picture)," by Bill Engvall ft./Travis Tritt

Sometimes I think I'm not where I'm supposed to be in life, and then I remember that Jennifer Lawrence used to be a series regular on The Bill Engvall Show, and I remember I'm supposed to be on a journey home. Oh, this song? Well le -- oops! My fingers accidentally typed "electrolite" into the search bar, well no sense arguing with fate!

96) "Electrolite," by R.E.M.

This is slight. Like, I was worried I was judging this against the rest of R.E.M.'s ouevre? Because obviously, if I haven't heard of an R.E.M. song before, it's because it's not good, but judging any song based on whether or not it's better than "Losing My Religion" is dumb. But like this is just a nice alt-rock song that isn't packed to the brim with Meaning. It was a pleasant four minutes and I'm sure it made a fine closing track for whatever album it was on, but it wasn't really much of anything.

3.1.1997

31) "I Want You," by Savage Garden

Yo this song is kind of perfect? The "chic-a-cherry cola" in the verse is instantly memorable, I thought I hadn't heard this song before but then he said "chic-a-cherry cola" and I shouted "I TRIED TO MAKE THAT NOISE SO MANY TIMES!" which was a fun thing to do at 4:30 AM on a Tuesday, neighbors were happy. That's also a really dope bass line, maybe I just get irrationally excited every time a bass does more than exist on a song, but that bass kills. This was great. I'm trying to put into Smart Words what makes this song great, but I keep writing "something something propulsive," but I'm having trouble, which is usually when you can tell a song is great, because your brain doesn't want to think about why it's great, it just wants to accept it's great. But this song just, I dunno, it moves forward. It's up-tempo, but with these rap-like verses and that bass line, it's like the song is trying to rush through the wanting stage and actually get to the person? I need more time but I gave myself a deadline of Wednesday MOVING ON love this song

42) "Return of the Mack," by Mark Morrison

In the eighth week, 1997 delivered two absolutely perfect songs, and I am so pleased. This is one of the best "HELL YEAH, I'M SINGLE!" songs of all time, like it's up there with "Since U Been Gone," except it's a little more well-rounded. There's an actual story arc in this song -- a man who used to be a real playa found a woman he could settle with, build a life with, but then she broke the trust, and after allowing himself to be depressed, Mark Morrison has regained his confidence and is determined to show that living well is the best revenge. He is ready to return to his former self. Like "Since U Been Gone" is just "fuck you, dude," this song is "STRIKE ME DOWN AND I SHALL RISE STRONGER THAN I HAVE EVER BEEN." I honestly don't know why we've been wasting our time listening to other songs, this is it, this is The Song.

62) "Falling in Love (Is Hard on the Knees)," by Aerosmith

The true miracle of "Return of the Mack" is that it's a song that could be a novelty. Like, I had to kind of make sure I wasn't treating the song like pure '90s kitsch. It's, as far as I can tell, a debut single with the word "Return" in the title, and it's made by a dude who had top ten singles in the UK called "Moan & Groan" and "Horny." But "Return of the Mack" absolutely holds up, it's not just some '90s ridiculousness, it is a legitimate masterpiece of a pop song. Everything works well. It's just, y'know, perfect. I want to think about it forever.

76) "Cupid," by 112

Because who wants to think about love songs? The people in love songs have lives outside of the love songs. How did they get in that bed? Who is that person they brought to bed? Is it really true love? "Return of the Mack" answers those questions for any slow jamz he might've made (because he's The Mack, it doesn't matter, and probably not but he will love her truly for a night), but when I listen to 112 say that Cupid doesn't lie, it sort of sounds like Cupid was just haphazardly spraying his arrows any which way and one of them happened to land on these people and I don't know who they are but I'm certain they're finna fuck. And that's OK. But, again, I hate to belabor the point, I could have listened to "Return of the Mack."

79) "Do G's Get to Go to Heaven?" by Richie Rich

This dude looked at the VHS cover for All Dogs Go to Heaven and before his eyes the word "Dogs" separated and he saw "Do Gs Go to Heaven" and he was struck with inspiration, and now that I know the song title is a pun I am fine saying this song is awful. It's a song about how bad life in the street is, but as long as there's reason to believe the song title is a play on All Dogs Go to Heaven, there is no reason to listen to it. There are no puns in "Return of the Mack," FWIW.

81) "Talk to Me," by Wild Orchid

The bronze medal this week is nothing to be ashamed of. Hey: how come there's only one girl group of note in 2017? We have plenty of boy bands (or maybe it just feels that way because of all the many directions), but only Fifth Harmony holding the mantle for girl groups. Seems silly. 2017 could be doing a lot of things better, but specifically the girl group thing is something to be highlighted for at least one second.

90) "King Nothing," by Metallica

Metal music is impressive on a purely technical level -- I mean, have you fucking heard "Through the Fire and the Flames?" That's amazing, that people can make music that sounds like that. But this is post-"Enter Sandman" Metallica, which isn't metal music as I understand it, is just shitty slightly-darker buttrock, so I'm not even listening to a sick as hell guitar solo, I'm just getting some bullshit I could get from Candlebox or whatever else was active.

3.8.1997

21) "Big Daddy," by Heavy D

"What do people like about The Notorious B.I.G.?" "That he's arguably the best rapper of all time at this point in music history?" "Hm... Maybe... But what else?" "I dunno, he's a big dude?" "That's it! Just find me a big dude, and we'll make him a STAR!" And this is why I'm listening to a Heavy D song 20 years later.

55) "Let It Go," by Ray J

This is a six-minute song and I just, I don't understand why this would need to be six minutes? I only got, what, three and a half minutes with "Return of the Mack," and yeah I understand I could've said nuts to this project and been listening to "Return of the Mack" this whole time, but it seems unfair I would have to put in effort to listen to "Return of the Mack" for six minutes but just let this song mosey along while looking at Prime Day deals. Happy belated Prime Day, everyone.

72) "Gangstas Make the World Go Round," by Westside Connection

1997 Week 9 is all about songs that play at a pleasant clip that are extremely listenable, not outright classics, not songs to sing from the tops of mountains, just great soundtracks for the rest of your day. I say this knowing full well it's going to make me listen to Kenny G, but hey, three B+s are nothing to complain about.

83) "Call Me," by Le Click

...I guess if I have to dive into Europe's garbage, I should be thankful to find something which either possesses some value or is edible. This song is OK, and yeah it kind of sounds like "Hamsterdance" or "Axel F" or whatever early-Internet meme you prefer, but there's a solid vocal performance and it's not aggressively awful, it's subtly awful, the awful takes a backseat to things that sound like music on this one. I am glad to have found a dance track that didn't make me want to quit.

95) "Havana," by Kenny G

You know, Kenny G is something of a cultural punchline, but I gotta say, he earned his status.

Top 20 for weeks 1-9 (33% of the way there!) 20) "Call Me," by Le Click (3.8) 19) "Whateva Man," by Redman (2.1) 18) "Stand Up," by Love Tribe (1.25) 17) "Gangstas Make the World Go Round," by Westside Connection (3.8) 16) "Take Your Time," by Tre ft./Krayzie Bone (2.15) 15) "My Baby Mama," by QT (2.1) 14) "We Danced Anyway," by Deana Carter (2.8) 13) "The Freshmen," by The Verve Pipe (2.22) 12) "I Always Feel Like (Somebody's Watching Me)," by Tru ft./Master P & Mia X (2.8) 11) "Hard to Say I'm Sorry," by Az Yet ft./Peter Cetera (2.22) 10) "It's All About U," by SWV (1.18) 9) "In My Bed," by Dru Hill (1.11) 8) "Talk to Me," by Wild Orchid (3.1) 7) "Please Don't Go," by No Mercy (2.8) 6) "On and On," by Erykah Badu (1.25) 5) "I Want You," by Savage Garden (3.1) 4) "What They Do," by The Roots (1.11) 3) "I'm Not Feeling You," by Yvette Michele (2.22) 2) "I'll Be," by Foxy Brown ft./Jay-Z (2.15) 1) "Return of the Mack," by Mark Morrison (3.1) 1997 looks pretty thin, but hey remember when 2017 had two Big Sean songs in the top 20? THE BEST IS YET TO COME apart from the fact it probably has, seriously y’all “Return of the Mack” owns but then again “Hypnotize” okay scratch that i ever scratched that THE BEST IS YET TO COME because THE BEST IS YET TO COME

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talesfromthecrypts · 7 years

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92 truths

rules: once you have been tagged you are supposed to write 92 truths about yourself. at the end, choose however many people you want to tag!

Tagged by @captainskylo and I tag... my friends

LAST…

[1] drink: milk [2] phone call: my dad [3] text message: my sister [4] song you listened to: how you like me now- the heavy [5] time you cried: the power rangers movie...

HAVE YOU EVER…

[6] dated someone twice: no [7] been cheated on: no [8] kissed someone and regretted it: no [9] lost someone special: yes [10] been depressed: yes [11] gotten drunk and thrown up: no

LIST 3 FAVOURITE COLOURS: [12] sky blue [13] bright red (suspiria blood red) [14] dark purple

IN THE LAST YEAR HAVE YOU… [15] made new friends: yes [16] fallen out of love: no [17] laughed until you cried: yes [18] found out someone was talking about you: don’t think so [19] met someone who changed you: nope [20] found out who your true friends are: no... [21] kissed someone on your facebook list: no

GENERAL… [22] how many of your tumblr friends do you know in real life: 2 (hi ang and dom) [23] do you have any pets: a dog, Dahlia [24] do you want to change your name: nah [25] what did you do for your last birthday: visted my fam and friends and watched Logan [26] what time did you wake up: 6am [27] what were you doing at midnight last night: sleeping [29] when was the last time you saw your mother: 2 ish weeks ago [30] what is one thing you wish you could change about your life: the severe social anxiety eyyy [31] what are you listening to right now: the classical station at work (oh yeah i’m bored at work right now) [32] have you ever talked to a person named tom: i think so? [33] something that is getting on your nerves: my terrible no good awful coworker [35] elementary: done [36] high school: done [37] college: done and done [38] hair colour: brownish (it will get dirty blonde now that I’ll be outside since it’s getting warmer) [39] long or short hair: long, thinking of cutting [40] do you have a crush on someone: only actors [41] what do you like about yourself?: my eyes [42] piercings: just the earslobes [44] nickname: britt [45] relationship status: single [46] zodiac sign: pieces [47] pronouns: she/her. [48] fav tv show: buffy the vampire slayer [49] tattoos: no, but i want some [50] right or left handed: right

FIRST… [51] surgery: none [52] piercing: regular old earlobes [53] best friend: Chris [54] sport: football/soccor or volleyball (can’t remember which came first) [55] vacation: Disneyland [56] pair of trainers: i think they had spiderman on them

RIGHT NOW…

[57] eating: nothing [58] drinking: water [59] I’m about to: hopefully get some actual work i’m dying [60] listening to: still the classical station [61] waiting for: there is both an alien and star wars movie coming out this year so... [62] want: to not be at mork [63] get married: eventually i guess [64] career: cinematographer

WHICH IS BETTER… [65] hugs or kisses: hugs [66] lips or eyes: eyes [67] shorter or taller: taller. [68] older or younger: older [69] romantic or spontaneous: spontaneous [70] nice arms or nice stomach: arms [71] sensitive or loud: sensitive [72] hook up or relationship: relationship [73] troublemaker or hesitant: depends on the day

HAVE YOU EVER… [74] kissed a stranger? no [75] drank hard liquor? almost excuselvely [76] lost glasses/contact lenses? no

[77] turned someone down: only gross creeps

[78] sex on first date? no [79] broken someone’s heart? maybe. i never asked him [80] had your own heart broken? no [81] been arrested? no [82] cried when someone died? yes [83] fallen for a friend: yes...

DO YOU BELIEVE IN… [84] yourself? only on saturdays [85] miracles? today i sure do [86] love at first sight? maybe [87] santa claus? uh no [88] kiss on the first date? depends on the person [89] angels? carrie fisher and bill paxton have personally blessed me from the afterlife

OTHER… [90] current best friend’s name: Maddie, Dom, Sarah, Angie, Kaitlynn, Miranda (all my cool real life dudes) [91] eye colour: blue [92] favourite movie: star wars, aliens, etc forever

#it's brittany bitch #i am bored at work #and i got tagged in this days ago but nothing is happening so i thought why not

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kellynkane · 7 years

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The Story...from a Bride’s POV

So I created this blog because I wanted to share the WHOLE story from start to finish for whoever was interested. Our love story wasn’t all hearts and rainbows! There were A LOT of rain and stormclouds throughout our (almost) 8 years of being together. So please, continue on if you dare!

***When I mention song titles during the wedding portion of this, please listen...to set the mood.

I’m going to keep the background pretty minimal, considering i’m sure a lot of you already know how we got to this point. This will be MAINLY the wedding day! (We didn’t have a videographer so I wanted to share from my point of view- THE DAY) feel free to scroll down to the wedding chapter if this begins to be drawn out. Look, i’ve never blogged before so cut me some slack!

So take it back about 7 years and 8 months ago...

(One of our first pics on those old flip phones that had to be turned around and taken in a mirror so you could see...)

We met through friends. I had gone to my neighbor’s house to hang and long story short Adam was there, we hung out, and the rest is history. When they say “head over heels for eachother”, that was what we were. I can’t even begin to explain the love I felt for this kid. (I say kid because that's exactly what we were...two young kids.) We were inseparable. I knew I loved him from the moment we introduced ourselves to each other. Crazy right?

A short year later we had a baby. Mason Robert Kane. And this my friends is where things ‘got real’. You think you have your crap together? Add a baby to the mix and watch what happens...So basically the next 2 years or so were very rocky. Lots of ups and downs. This was what people would call the breaking point. But our point never ‘broke’. We certainly were pushed to our limits and maybe at times pushed OVER our limits but there was something that just never went away- our love for one another. It wasn’t having a baby guys, I know, I know...you would think this was a big part but it wasn’t JUST that. There was a much deeper connection that even to this day we question as to what exactly it is/was. It’s just something. Something that kept us hanging on, stringing us along all these years.

Between year 2-5 I would say were the hardest part of our relationship. To our friends who were around, THEY KNOW. But hey, we’re humans. We were young kids when we met. Going through your early 20′s are the years where you actually grow up. They’re the years where you question who you are and who you will be as a human. You question your relationships with not just your significant other but friends and family as well. There are A LOT of ‘what ifs’ and ‘I don't knows’ during these growing up years. BUT these are the years that make EVERYTHING worth it in the end.

So this puts us at about year 5 and a half. Just when we thought we were through the woods...After getting through some of the toughest years of my young 20 something life, we had ANOTHER baby. (Yes, we questioned our sanity as well.) He WAS an accident. Surprise, surprise. *insert crying laughing face. Or maybe just crying face* No, really Hunter Matthew Kane has added joy to our family we never thought was needed. Very difficult at times, but that’s for another blog post. Like I mentioned before: ADDING A BABY TO THE MIX DOES NOT MAKE ANYTHING EASIER. I REPEAT: “SHIT GETS TOUGHER!” but we made it work. You can’t run away from life. Choosing to have our children and continue on this journey of life together, was what we wanted to do. Did we fight? YES. Did we cry and question things? YES. But again, being able to persevere through all of that and come out on top...well, THAT’S what makes it worth it people!

So (not-intended) long story short, fast forward to:

Sunday, June 18th 2017

The day we said “I Do.”

Those hard times we went through are what made our wedding day, the best day of my life. It sounds cliche but it truly was the best day of my life. I married my best friend, guys. The man I grew up (into an adult) with. The man I cried and fought for years with. The man I shared so many laughs and joyous memories with. The man who is the other half to my two beautiful boys. I married him. And he’s now mine, mine, mine. *Immature editing there.*

If you’re still reading this, this is where I want to lay out the day for you. Because in my eyes (and hopefully others as well) it was a freakin’ AMAZING day.

Early Sunday morning I arrived at the venue with my girls. (Bless every single one of them because if it weren’t for them, we may not have actually made it to ‘I Do”.) We began setting up the venue and getting hair and makeup done.

While I’m getting ready this is what was going on with my other half:

So now, it’s time...

It’s time to put on the dress and do the damn thang.

The music begins:

***Jason Mraz- I Won’t Give Up

I’m watching from up in the bridal suite all the groomsmen take their places. Then Adam. My heart begins to pound. I watch my girls one by one begin to walk down to the pond. Then, my oldest Ring Bearer Mason and flower girl Gia begin to walk. Mason & Gia begin arguing (as usual) as SOON as it was time to walk. Mason is basically dragging Gia saying “COME ON, GIA!” while she is trying her hardest to throw petals saying “HOLD ON, MASON!” It was one of the funniest things to watch!

Then, my Grandfather (who is so extremely important to me. He helped raise me from birth. I love that man with everything in me) pulls the wagon which has my littlest ring bearer- Hunter, and littlest flower girl- Renzi. Hunter holding a sign “Here comes the bride!”

Now music changes:

***The Piano Guys- A Thousand Years

I look up at my Father- a man who I can honestly say, I have NEVER seen cry and I say “You ready?” and with that, he breaks. He begins to tear up and says “I’m sorry, i’m going to get emotional”. Well jeeze Dad, now i’m going to cry! We have to get it together! So after all the tears we begin to walk.

At this point right here ^, this is what I see:

The man that I am 20 feet away from marrying, in tears. Full fledged ugly crying- tears. And that’s what makes me lose it...Hopefully he was crying tears of happiness and not “now I’m stuck with this crazy woman for the rest of my life” tears. I’m going to go with the first one just for my own sake!

Here we stand hand in hand (which from the photo up top, I held his hands the wrong way (the manly way) and I’ve been obsessing on it since last week...but whatevs) Jason (who is actually the Godfather of our children and very close friend of the family which makes it even more sentimental to have him marry us...) begins his spiel and then it gets to the part where we exchange our vows. Let me break this down for you- I HATE BEING IN FRONT OF PEOPLE. I literally contemplated dropping out of college when I heard I HAD to take speech 101...So you already know i’ve been freaking out about this part since I got engaged. BUT I can honestly say, (without being mushy gushy) as soon as I was up there with Adam, I felt like it was just him that I was speaking to. I felt SO at ease...So we said our vows and then we get to the exchanging of rings. Good Lord, I would be the one who messes that part up. It took me two tries AND reading off of Jason’s paper to get it right.

After rings, Jason says the all too familiar saying: “You May Now Kiss The Bride!”

With that he announces us as the NEW Mr. & Mrs. Kane!

Music begins (Mind you EVERY song I mention has specific meaning to it. Our music playlist was IN DEPTH. Thanks, Scott Cash for doing a fantastic job!)

***Eddie Vedder- Hard Sun

I take Adam’s arm and Mason’s hand. And Adam picks up Hunter and we walk down the aisle together. As a WHOLE family. Not just the Bride and Groom but as a whole family unit. Because that is what we are. We aren’t JUST a husband and a wife. We are parents. And more importantly we were parents BEFORE marriage. So it was important for us to include our babies when leaving the main stage.

(Yes, Mase was crying. He’s an emotional little dude, just like his Dad. And I say little in regards to both Mase AND Adam.)

Click, Click.

Time to do what I know I do best- BE A MODEL! (I’m totally just kidding...I absolutely hate having my picture taken, I can selfie it up all day but when I have to pose without seeing myself, totally weird...)

NOW IT’S TIME TO PARTAAAY!

Music begins:

***Beyonce- Crazy In Love

Our bridal party including parents and grandparents get introduced!

And because I love sidenotes: Adam and I LEGIT got in a HUUUUUGE argument during wedding planning because I wanted Nelly- Hot in Hurr for the entrance song and he was NOT ABOUT THAT life...so that didn’t happen (even though I think it would have been fantastic) but BEYONCE DID HAPPEN! I had to put my foot down for my guuurl.

THEN:

Music CHANGES:

***Rusko Remix- Jahova

I gave the DJ STRICT orders to wait until EXACTLY 30 seconds before he announces us in. THEN at 40 seconds (when the beat drops) we walk in!!!

I know, I know...we’re lame. But like I mentioned earlier, the playlist for the evening is based around songs that represent US! Back in the day 8 years ago when we thought we were so cool going to raves, that song was THE SONG that we loved. So THAT is why we chose it...just a little FYI.

(See that up there ^, that’s Adam doing his little rave dance signiture move. Me on the other hand, i’m just waving it left and right because I have no rhythm...)

Okay if you’ve made it this far God bless you AWESOME THANK YOU! I’ve realized I have reeeeally strung this along so i’ll try and speed things up a bit!

FIRST DANCE:

***Chris Stapleton- Tennessee Whiskey

FATHER/ DAUGHTER DANCE:

***Fleetwood Mac- Landslide

Quick sidenote: My Dad had probably a little more booze than he needed before this point so long story short...he was trying to dirty dance with me during our father/daughter dance. Oh well, it makes for a good story to tell!

I mentioned earlier about my Grandfather being a very important person in my life, so I knew it was only fitting to give him a little dancing action. He said “I don’t dance” When I leaned over to him mid-dance with my Dad. So I grabbed his hand and made him stand up with me. As we danced he tells me the story of when he first met my Grandmother (who passed away a few years ago) and how he asked her to dance and she told him he danced like a chicken so he never has danced since. After that, he begins to get emotional and tells me how he wishes she was here. Then we both begin to ugly cry together. It was beautiful.

MOTHER/ SON DANCE:

***Van Morrison- Days Like This

FOOD:

Now it’s time to GRUB! Look they don’t call me Big Mama Kel for nothin’! I love me some food.To set this scene, we (as in MY DAD) had a whole roasted pig. Kind of gross...I was against it, BUT my Dad wanted it. He paid. End of story. It actually was pretty good!

Speeches:

Carley or should I say Carlaaay & Zack (Our best man and maid of honor) KILLED it on the speeches. Some of the most heartfelt words were said by both of them. They have seen Adam and I both at our best AND worst. So thank you guys. They honestly both wrote such amazing speeches, I was seriously impressed...BUT I have to say, the SURPRISE speech from MASON, was what took the show! He got up there with the mic and basically said how much he loved us and was so happy. Thanks for the added tears Mase!

*Insert mic drop*

Lots of booze and lots of dancing AND lots of trips to the photobooth

Who in the world did I think I was?...

Beyonce...ALWAYS Beyonce.

Oh and lots of cooling off in the bathroom because it was so hot...hey, I’m really as modest as they come but a brides got to do what a brides got to do. That dress was freakin’ heavy and hot!

(No booze for the kids obv. Just added for cuteness factor! Well, and because they’re my kids duh!)

But can we just pause and take a second for this:

Oh and these too:

(He spent probably the most time in that photo booth!)

Probably saying “YAAAAASSSS I’m married!” But then again, who knows. I had one too many at this point...

And last but surely not least- My Mermaid-of-honor. My best friend. Carley is the sister that I never had. So thank you for being my right hand lady through this entire wedding experience. I love you.

CAKE CAKE CAKE

***Aerosmith- Sweet Emotion

This song had no meaning. They just say “sweeeeeeet emooooooootion” so figured it went with the whole cake cutting thing...

Thanks for smashing cake all over me...but hey, that’s what you’re suppose to do right?

And a little bit of this:

Song Choice: ***Bad Company- Feel Like Making Love

Look at my Dad sitting back there...so proud to have been front row for such a wonderful experience...(This is high level sarcasm here)

Garter toss & Bouquet toss-

Song choices were:

Garter Toss: ***Jay-Z- Big Pimpin’

Bouquet Toss: ***Beyonce- Single Ladies (of course)

And with that guys, that’s pretty much it.

OH we played flip cup too, you know...keeping the wedding EXTRA classy! So with that...

THE END!

For our Sparkler Send-Off song at the end of the night:

***Led Zeppelin- Over The Hills And Far. Of course we waited until 1:28 seconds (because i’m that type of bride, if you couldn’t already tell...) to run through, what should have been a tunnel but turned out to be a circle, of sparklers!

"Hey lady--you got the love I need. Maybe more than enough.

Oh Darling... walk a while with me. You've got so much... "

ADVICE:

I know I have a TON of soon-to-be bride’s that I am friends with, so if I could give ANY advice at all through this whole process, it would be to JUST breathe! And don’t sweat the small stuff! Seriously…people aren’t going to notice how one flower arrangement isn’t set the way it should or that your ONE piece of hair isn’t laying right (and I can guarantee your significant other won’t notice either!)

Oh who am I kidding? I was sweating every small detail that was out of place and I probably would again if I had to do everything over. But if I could give ANY solid advice it would be to try and sneak away for a few minutes with the one you JUST married and look over your wedding and take EVERYTHING in. They aren't lying when they say your wedding day GOES BY FAST so try to enjoy it! Haha but other than that, just have fun and let loose with your Lovie. It’s YOUR time to shine lady!

Hopefully you enjoyed reading this as much as I enjoyed writing it. Re-living this day is amazing.

Love you all!

I would like to thank ALL vendors who were involved in making this day as special as it was. Please feel free to check them out!

Lead Photographer: Summer Mae Photography www.summermaephoto.com

Photographer: Charlie Peacher Photography

Venue & Catering: Pond View Farm www.pondviewfarm.com

Props & Floral: Vintage Prop House www.vintageprophouse.com

DJ & Photobooth: Scott Cash www.scottcashphotobooth.com

Makeup: K. Marie Styling Studio www.kmariestylingstudio.com

Hair: Kimberly Guercio

Baker: Hollie Watts

*AND*

A BIG thank you to my Dad for making my dream wedding a reality! I know we argued a lot the past year, but you did good champ Dad! I love you. Also, a BIG thank you to Adam’s parents- Suzi & Jeff for paying for flowers and the rehearsal din-din! AND I COULDN'T FORGET: a big thank you to my Mama Bear for running around entertaining the littlest of the Kane clan- Hunter during the wedding. He sure does love his Mom-Mom and Adam & I both love you too, Mom.

Now we’re off to Cabo!

Toodles,

#lovestory love brideandgroom bride groom mrandmrs wedding weddingday family myfamily mylovestory happiness justmarried

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