#duality chapter 12

[savage-rhi]

Duality

Chapter 12: The Other Side

Summary: Sawyer Kiddo has walked a razor's edge as a hacktivist for several years, driven by the loss of her family in the Raccoon City incident. Haunted by past choices and fueled with desire for vigilante justice, Sawyer's work takes an unexpected turn when she ventures to Spain and crosses paths with Luis Serra—a man with blood on his hands long thought to be dead. Together they unravel a web of corruption and face an impending bioterror threat, fighting not only monsters but also the darker elements of their humanity. As they delve deeper into each other's pasts and the conspiracy at large, Sawyer begins to sense something unsettling about Luis—something that might be even more dangerous than their mutual enemies.

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Blink. 

"Why can't you be more like Carmen?" 

Sawyer had heard it a dozen times growing up. Over the years, it had become her mother's catchphrase—a weapon to discipline and guilt trip easily. Every stumble, every failure was laid out for judgment, carefully measured against her cousin's successes.

It was never Carmen's fault. Sawyer had always known that. Their families had written their narratives long ago, casting each girl in roles neither had chosen, and Sawyer tried—she really tried—not to resent it. She didn't hold it against her parents, not even while they looked at her with disdain and disappointment, but tonight, it felt different. The words that once just scraped now felt like they were digging deep, rubbing salt in wounds that never had the chance to heal. She felt the weight of every time she felt short, and every time she wasn't enough.

"I'm not Carmen," Sawyer enunciated bitterly. "Unfortunately, you got stuck with me. You might as well say the quiet part out loud." 

"Sawyer, that's not—" Her dad pinched the bridge of his nose, the same look he always gave her when he didn't know what to say or was too tired to keep trying. "Soy, you need to get it together."

"I was trying to get it together!" 

"By getting arrested? You call that getting it together?!" Her mother's tone was hoarse, eyes red from earlier tears, but her gaze wouldn't soften.

"Now, hon—"

"Don't hon me!" Her eyes stared daggers straight into her husband's. "She's lucky your brother Pax knows people at the RPD because of his janitor job at Umbrella! Do you realize that? Your daughter will have this on her record for the rest of her life!"

"Community service isn't that bad," Sawyer shrugged. "It beats sitting in jail."

"Jail is where you're heading if you keep this up!" her mother countered, hands flinching as she gripped the kitchen top. "Don't act like this is nothing!"

"Hey, I'm accepting the consequences of my actions, okay? What else do you want from me?"

Her dad stepped forward. "Sawyer, you're 21 years old."

"Yes, and?" 

"Kiddo…"

Sawyer shrunk into her seat.

She swallowed her words like a five-year-old caught scribbling all over the walls of the living room. She hated how years later, as an adult, his voice could still reduce her to nothing. 

"Your mom and I don't ask for much, except you get an education and stay out of trouble. But these past couple of years? It's like you can't even manage that. You were in community college full-time, and now, barely part-time, you're always in between jobs; why aren't you taking this seriously?"

"I'm doing my—"

"Don't even start," her dad interrupted. "Carmen's been employed since you both graduated. Your uncle Pax tried to get you the same job, and you declined, and your aunt Tori? She practically handed you that receptionist position on a silver platter, and still nothing. I don't understand it, Soy. Every time you're given a handout, it's like you're too proud to take it."

Carmen again. It always came back to Carmen.

Sawyer could feel the lump rising in her throat, but she swallowed it. "My odd jobs were helping me cover—"

"You mean your smuggling jobs?" her mother interrupted. 

Sawyer scoffed. "You're not letting me finish!"

"Why should we?" her mother balked. "After everything you've done, how can we trust you?"

"We never have money!" Sawyer yelled, the words ripping out of her like they'd been trapped for too long. "We never have anything! Don't you get it? That's why I dropped to part-time. I couldn't afford the tuition anymore, and we all know you can't afford it either! That's why I did what I did. That's why I didn't want to take those jobs Pax and Tori offered; it would keep me trapped here; they don't pay jack shit! I've been scraping together every penny I can to return to full-time and get a damn career! I don't want to be stuck here like you! I'm tired of being poor!"

"Committing crimes isn't going to get you ahead, Soy." Her father's tone was gentler now, but the disappointment remained.

"I know it bit me in the ass, and I know I fucked up, but—"

"But nothing!" her mother's voice rose louder than the storm in Sawyer's chest. "Are you seriously trying to justify yourself?"

"I'm not! Please, let me explain how I can-!" 

Seconds later, Sawyer's voice was extinguished, drowned out by her parents. Accusations flew, with words twisted into daggers aimed straight at things that hurt the most. It didn't matter how far she clawed through the dirt; Sawyer knew she wouldn't get a final say.

"It's not just about the weird music, the bailouts, or any of that! She's always with strange men. It's been like this since high school! God knows what else she's doing for money!"

Sawyer clenched her jaw at the insinuation. It was always like this—they feared the worst and assumed even worse. She wasn't going to explain herself, not when they wouldn't hear her out or didn't want to know her, the real her.

"Look, we're both upset, but we can't shame her for doing what normal twenty-somethings do. They have desires just like we did once." 

"But we weren't selling ourselves for money, Daniel!" 

"Maybe you should've had Carmen for a daughter instead," Sawyer spat, shattering the tension like glass, the bitterness curling in her throat like smoke as she finished. "Or even your dead son."

Her parents turned toward her, shock on their faces like she'd hit them both in the gut. Her mother's face twisted into something ugly and wounded, a fury rising in her eyes.

"It's too late to change that."

Sawyer's breath caught in her throat.

"Hon," her father's hand jerked, but it was enough. Her mother cringed as her expression faltered, regret dimming the anger behind her eyes. 

Sawyer made a fist so tight her nails bit into her palm. Finally, they said it—the truth.

She stood abruptly, the chair scraping against the floor like nails on a chalkboard. She grabbed her pack of cigarettes from the table, stuffing them angrily into her pocket. With shaking hands, she zipped her jacket and headed for the door. 

"Soy, wait—"

"Never thought I'd say this, but fuck both of you." Sawyer gulped, betraying the tears already burning behind her eyes. She paused at the door, her back to them, shoulders tight with pain. "I love you, but—" 

She left before the tears could spill over, immediately power-walking to get as far away as possible.

"I need to wake up. I need to wake the fuck up."

Blink. 

"Thanks for taking the heat," Carmen murmured. She offered a weak smile as Sawyer handed her a beer, but her fingers hesitated around the bottle's neck, too heavy with guilt to open it. "I'm sorry—"

"You have nothing to apologize for," Sawyer said confidently, her eyes narrowing slightly as if daring Carmen to disagree. "Even if you got busted and I slipped away, they'd still blame me. I'm the bad influence, remember? The problem kid."

Carmen's shoulders drooped. "It's not fair. It's never been fair," she whispered, the frustration of years unraveling in the quiet of her voice. "Maybe I can go down to the police station and—"

"No." Sawyer shook her head as her eyes softened. "What happened, happened. No one expected an undercover cop. You need to let this go. We screwed up and paid the price in our own ways. You still want to be a teacher, right?"

"I do…"

"Well, no place is gonna let you near kids if you have a record. You're lucky. You still have a future."

"What about your future?" Carmen asked, glancing up with an almost pleading look.

Sawyer took a long, slow sip from her beer, her eyes distant. "Pardon?"

"College. What happens to you now?"

Sawyer laughed. "I'll do my community service. Then I'll find some nine-to-five gig and save up. I'm good with computers; maybe I'll get a decent tech job and work up the ranks. College, well...I'll go back eventually. Somebody's gotta give me a chance again."

"You're the smart one," Carmen sighed, almost to herself. "You shouldn't be stuck like this."

Sawyer smirked and nudged Carmen's shoulder. "Hey, I might've teased you about aunt Tori dropping you on your head, but you're every bit as smart as me. Come on, between the two of us, you have the charm."

Carmen shook her head, her lips pressed into a thin line. "Yeah, but you're the one with all the plans ."

Sawyer chuckled, watching Carmen absently pet Abner, her lab retriever, who lay half-asleep by her feet. "If I could sleep like that, I'd be in heaven."

"If you slept that deep, you'd be dead," Carmen muttered.

"You worry too much," Sawyer teased, but her voice carried a hint of weariness now, a slight tremor that Carmen caught as she swallowed hard.

"I'm scared, Sawyer. I don't want to be stuck because of our stupid mistakes like my mom and dad or your parents."

Sawyer's smile faded, but her tone remained steady. "I told you. I'm going to take care of us. I've got it covered." 

Carmen stared at her, the fear in her eyes still there, unspoken. "You always say that."

"And when have I ever let us down?"

"Never," Carmen whispered with a smile.

"Exactly. I'm gonna fix this. I'm gonna fix this my way. Just watch."

Carmen sighed. "Sawyer, you need to wake up."

Blink. 

Sawyer bit the inside of her lip, staring blankly at her email. The inbox flooded with messages from her family, Carmen included. Each unread subject line felt like a rock pressing down on her back. How are you? Are you okay? Why haven't you called? They all blurred together as the mouse hovered over each one and sent it to a private folder on the screen.

She paused momentarily, eyes darting to the calendar hanging beside her bookshelf. 

September 22nd, 1998. 

When had summer slipped away...? 

Sawyer glanced back at the emails, her heart too heavy to open them—yet the longer she waited, the more it hurt to do nothing.

She'd done her time in solitude, getting her shit together like her dad always told her to. For herself, for Carmen. 

She'd call them tomorrow. 

She'd pick up Carmen after.

They'd both would turn a new page.

It's time to stop running and wake up...

Blink. 

"We lost our insurance today," Sawyer sighed. "I think there's only five sessions left that I can afford out of pocket unless we get something from that suit with Umbrella."

Carmen's hollow stare had grown colder with each passing second. Her once bright eyes were vacant, barely acknowledging the world around her. It was day four of the hunger strike, and the untouched plate of rice on the kitchen table made Sawyer uneasy.

She took a deep breath, forcing herself to speak through the knot in her throat.

"There's a survivors' group about half an hour from here," Sawyer said tentatively. She nudged Carmen's plate, hoping for a response. "It might help, y'know? Since therapy hasn't been working, maybe being around people who understand what happened—"

Before she could finish, Carmen's hand slammed onto the table, dishes crashing to the floor. Then came the slap. It wasn't hard, but the sting of it left Sawyer reeling as she immediately grabbed Carmen's wrists, desperately trying to calm her. She watched her cousin's eyes become crazed, full of rage and something even more wrenching—despair.

Carmen snarled and writhed, attempting to throw Sawyer off. 

"Carmen, stop! Please! It's okay! Carmen, stop! Stop! Stop it! Stop!"

Then suddenly, she went still. Tears spilled down her cheeks, a broken sob tearing from her throat as she whined.

"I know, I know, hey, hey...it's okay," Sawyer whispered, pulling back as Carmen collapsed into herself.

Sawyer wanted to reach out and embrace her, but the space between them felt too vast like a chasm neither could cross. All she could do was watch Carmen's face crumple, more tears staining her cheeks.

At the very least, she offered a hand. 

"Hey, c'mon...it's okay,"

"I'm sorry...I wish I were dead," Carmen muttered, shaking her head. Then, barely audible, she whispered, "I wish you were dead. I wish it would've been you. I miss my mom. I miss uncle Dan. I miss Abner."

Sawyer was too shocked to notice Carmen getting up, muttering something about going for a walk. She didn't even hear the door click when Carmen finally fled. 

I wish you were dead.

I wish you were

I wish you

I wish

I wish you would wake up.

Blink 

The cabinet door creaked open, and there they were—bottles lined up neatly, their promises of escape whispering to her. Sawyer reached for one without thinking, the familiar burn of alcohol beckoning her to have a taste. 

Her fingers shook as she twisted off the cap.

There was no need for a glass. The bottle of whiskey was dinner, just like it would be breakfast and lunch.

As she swallowed gulp after gulp, only one thing went through her mind:

I don't want to wake up...

Blink. 

The scent of freshly ground beans wrapped around her nose, but it did little to chase away her nerves. The warm cup in her hands was a poor substitute for something to lean on to keep her grounded.

Sawyer never thought attending those stupid meetings would lead to anything other than awkward silence and a waste of two hours on a Saturday, yet here she was. For once, she had followed the counselor's advice: "Make a friend." 

Maybe it was the alcohol still buzzing in her veins, or maybe, just maybe, she was feeling something close to ease as she sat across from Samuel, the widow. He'd found her antics amusing, especially when the local pastor paid his visits to preach about "finding god" after losing loved ones to the undead.

They'd met only a week ago, but she spilled her thoughts to him like they were old friends. He was so easy to talk to, and it scared her how genuine he was. 

Samuel pulled Sawyer from her wandering thoughts. The familiar crease between his eyes told her something more was on his mind.

"I'm sorry about what you've lost, Kiddo," his voice heavy as his slumping shoulders. 

Sawyer blinked a few times, swallowing the lump in her throat. She exhaled sharply, feigning nonchalance. "It's whatever, you know? We've all lost something. Maybe the preach had a point...we're gonna carry this crap for the rest of our lives, aren't we?"

Samuel leaned back, his mouth twitching as he tried to suppress a smirk. "That bloke was full of 'horseshit,' as you so eloquently pointed out. Mid-coughing fit , no less."

"I was such a jackass that day, wasn't I?" Sawyer snorted, not able to help it. A grin tugged at her lips.

"I'd go with 'asshole,' but you got Sonny and Joyce to laugh. They haven't smiled in weeks. That's a win in my book."

They both chuckled, but Samuel's face grew serious as their laughter subsided, his eyes searching hers while humming thoughtfully. 

"Penny for your thoughts, professor ?" she teased.

"Oh please, I'm not that handsome," Samuel smirked, but his gaze softened. "I was thinking…maybe we should do this more often. Y'know, make it a weekend ritual. After the meetings, we come here and shoot the shit. Be friends, at least."

"Friends, huh?" Sawyer tilted her head and smiled amusingly. The counselor never said anything about scaring the friend off. "We could be more than just friends if you keep buying coffee for me."

The silence that followed hung heavy, and then Samuel's hearty laugh broke through the tension, catching Sawyer off guard. 

"Yeah, I'll stick with caffeine as my main squeeze."

Sawyer rolled her eyes playfully and giggled. 

"C'mon, what does she have that I don't?" she asked, gesturing toward the cup in his hand. 

Samuel grinned, his crow's feet capturing his mischief. "For one, she makes my heart race, and I know where she's been—unlike some people."

"Asshole!" Sawyer tossed a napkin at him, but she couldn't help the laughter rippling up from her chest. "I'm flirty, but I'm not a harlot!"

"Sure, act like one." Samuel snorted.

"You would've gotten along great with my parents," Sawyer muttered with a snort, leaning back into the booth and shrugged. "I'm all bark and no bite in that department, but my offer still stands for you."

Samuel's smile softened, but his gaze didn't waver. "Maybe when you're not dying."

This wasn't right. He never said that to her, no. She could've sworn he said, "Maybe when you're not a functioning alcoholic anymore." That's how it was supposed to go. 

"Ouch," Sawyer grimaced, blinking as she tried to play out the scene. "You're never gonna get a girlfriend with that attitude." 

"Well, I landed a wife once, and you're never gonna get a boyfriend with your personality either."

She forced another laugh, but her chest felt heavier now. She couldn't smell the coffee anymore. The cafe and all the people inside felt like they were somewhere else, in a fog she couldn't conceptualize.  

"All the more reason why we should be friends, right?"

Samuel leaned forward, his voice low and serious. "You need to wake up, Kiddo."

"What?"

Blink. 

She sat in a courtroom. The warmth of that moment with Sam—felt like it belonged to another life. The lights above hummed faintly, and all Sawyer could hear was the pounding of her pulse against her chest like a drum in a warzone.

Her gaze fixed on the man on the witness stand, her late uncle Pax's boss at Umbrella. His voice was mechanical as he recited the same excuses: "corporate responsibility," "miscalculations." Each empty word shredded what little remained of her patience. 

They had stolen everything from her, from Carmen. 

Sawyer's shaking hands clenched tightly at her coat pockets, fingers wrapped around the cold metal of the gun hidden within.

She could feel it anchoring her rage as the courtroom withered.

She wanted to scream and tear down the facade of a mourning niece and daughter, to make him and everyone who was under the thumb of that godforsaken company pay. 

"Wake up!"

Sawyer's head snapped up. The voices were everywhere now, loud and insistent, drowning out everything but a sharp ringing in her ears that doused the judges' screams. 

"Wake up!" 

Blink. 

Through the haze, she could make out Luis. Blood smeared his mouth, and his eyes—wild and glowing, something more than human—met hers. Fear clawed its way up to her throat as she gagged on bile. Her body refused to move away, too weak to respond. She reached out with shaky fingers, brushing his hand before darkness pulled over her eyes. 

A warmth bloomed inside her. It was foreign but strangely soothing like something deep within her clung to a final spark. When she came to, the world was coming apart around her. Luis was cradling her body in his arms, the terror in his eyes contrasting with how gentle he was being.

"I know...I know it hurts," Two Legs whispered. He lowered her onto something hard, something cold. His hands reached for her head, supporting it as he peered over her face. 

Stay awake…

"Hey...!" A broken smile stretched across his lips when her eyes fluttered open. "Hey, you..."

She had never seen anyone look so happy and relieved to see her alive. 

"Carmen…" Her cousin's name slipped out before she could stop it, no louder than a breath. It was all she had left.

Two Legs leaned closer, brow furrowed in confusion. "What?" 

He called out to her somewhere far away, a distant echo bouncing off invisible walls she couldn't see. 

"No…no, no, no!" 

Sawyer felt Luis's hands shaking in his weak grip on her. He muttered something she couldn't make out. His breaths were uneven and quick as if he was running out of time, trying to avoid death's scythe from reaping its next victim.

A hand found hers, warm and sticky with blood. 

Suddenly, pain—sharp, searing pain in her right arm. Something pierced her skin, jolting Sawyer back into awareness for a moment. She gasped. A red string went from Luis's arm to hers.

Everything went dark again. 

Realities' coldness faded, and a heat she hadn't known in years washed over her. Voices came with it, distant and muddled as if they were speaking underwater—familiar but lost.

Sawyer didn't understand any of it, but the noise calmed her. It was like hearing a lullaby one had forgotten, the memory just out of reach, but there if one had the strength to peel the layers away.  She wanted to touch those endless voices, but it wasn't needed in this place—not when she could feel every vibration like a thousand hands reaching out to greet her.

She was floating. 

A new sound appeared—faint at first. 

"The truth may be stretched thin, but it never breaks, and it always surfaces above lies, as oil floats on water."

"...For I've heard that what they call fortune is a flighty woman who drinks too much, and, what's more, she's blind, so she can't see what she's doing, and she doesn't know who she's knocking over or who she's raising up."

"I have never died all my life."

She knew that voice, knew it in her bones. 

Samuel…?

Between the lines of the text, another voice—a more profound, softer one—spoke in the spaces between. Sawyer couldn't understand words, but the tone held her, soothed her. It felt like a pull, gentle but unstoppable, tugging her away. She fought for a moment to stay—to hear the rest and hold on.

And then, just a vibration—faint, wordless, like sound without shape.

Blink. 

Blink.

Blink. 

"It's time to wake up, Kiddo." 

Sawyer's senses returned as if rising from a bottomless abyss. A blanket pressed gently against her skin, and she curled her fingers into the softness beneath her, grounding herself. Her eyes, unfocused at first, settled on her hand resting across the mattress.

Her skin looked paler than she remembered, and the glint of an IV needle buried in her vein caught Sawyer's attention. She traced the red tube upward, following it to the unmarked blood bag beside a saline solution hanging from an IV pole. She swallowed reflexively, blinking to clear her vision further.

The attic she lay in felt impossibly distant from where she'd last been. It wasn't the cramped, dusty kind—this space was open and refurbished, with sunlight pouring in from a window so bright it hurt to look. Only the tops of distant trees were visible beyond the glare.

She shifted, wincing as the needle tugged against her hand, and glanced at the ceiling. A large net hung just above the bed, hooked from one side of the room to the other and overflowing with blankets and pillows. The material nudged to one side like a forgotten cocoon—like someone had been sleeping in it.

Wooden beams crisscrossed above her, worn smooth by time but looking recently polished, string lights draped across them. Shelves lined the far wall, cluttered with mismatched knickknacks—framed photos and old books. The air had a faint, comforting scent of citrus and lavender, like someone had tried to make the space inviting despite its makeshift feel.

Her lips twitched into a weak smile. 

Heaven…? The thought slipped into her mind, playful but fleeting. 

If heaven had IV bags and hammocks, maybe…

Her gaze drifted to a book beside the nightstand. She reached for it, then paused, feeling a strange disconnection between herself and the body she was only beginning to reclaim.

"Oye, bella durmiente!" a familiar voice called out, playful and full of mischief. "You look like crap!" (1)

"I feel like it," Sawyer groaned softly, turning her head toward Two Legs as he finished climbing a flight of stairs. "Why do you have to speak in tongues?"

Two Legs grinned, leaning against the doorframe, his eyes relieved.

"My apologies for being excited to see you..." He paused, squinting while looking her over more closely. "Ehh, mostly dead?"

"I see your tact hasn't changed," she quipped, trying to sit up further. 

"Five days isn't long enough to form a new habit, I'm afraid."

"That's how long it's been?" Sawyer blinked while a dull ache sank in her chest.

"Yeah..." Two Legs trailed off, his grin faltering as his gaze drifted to the floor. "I didn't think that you'd..." He quickly cleared his throat, hiding behind humor again as he raised a coffee cup between them. "I uh—bought you a little pick-me-up."

"Liar," Sawyer teased, though her voice staggered. "You got that for yourself. I can see it on your face—you weren't expecting me to wake up. Probably came to check if I had a pulse."

Two Legs chuckled, shrugging as though he could brush off the truth. "Caught me red-handed!" 

He walked over to the bed, the teasing glint returning to his eyes. "Although between the two of us, you need it more than I do."

Sawyer smiled. "You cut your hair down and shaved the beard off."

"How nice of you to notice." Two Legs grinned. His expression was gentle, as if her noticing something so small reminded him that things were okay again.

"How come?" 

Two Legs shrugged, his smile dimming slightly. "Eh, I got tired of rolling out of bed looking like Jesus and felt nostalgic for 2004."

Sawyer snorted, wincing at the ache it caused, but the laugh still escaped. "Relevant year?"

"You have no idea," he sighed, shaking his head before handing her the cup. His fingers lingered on the edge of it for just a second longer than necessary. "Go on."

Sawyer accepted it reluctantly, taking a small gulp. She winced, the taste strange in her mouth, lips tightening into a thin line.

"Too sweet?"

"No." Her voice was quiet, almost strained. "I can taste my blood in between my teeth. Not the best combo with coffee." 

She grimaced, shutting her eyes as a wave of nausea passed through, a slow exhale escaping her. Her gaze fell to the top of the cup while a faint smile tugged at the corners of her mouth.

"All it's missing is bubbles."

Two Legs raised a brow, his grin widening. "Bubbles?"

"Yeah," Sawyer said softly as if she were seeing something far away. "When I was younger, I wouldn't drink anything unless it had bubbles in it ."

Two Legs let out a small chuckle, his gaze lingering on her face. "Why?"

"I was a weird kid?" Sawyer tried to laugh with him, but the sound came out rough and uneven, her throat scratchy. The glow in her eyes faded just as quickly as it came. "Maybe it was a sensory thing. I thought they were neat to look at."

Two Legs hesitated, unsure what to say, then made a small gesture.

"Lemme see that."

Sawyer blinked, confused, but handed over the cup. She watched as he fished a straw out of his pocket and stuck it into the coffee. Her eyes narrowed, ready to protest, but then he met her gaze, something playful and tender rising there, and he blew bubbles into the drink.

Sawyer burst out in giggles despite herself. The sound filled the room. Two Legs, grinning, exaggeratedly puffed his cheeks and did it again.

The heaviness in her heart lifted for a moment, feeling as though she could breathe again.

He handed the cup back with a dramatic flourish. "Your bubbles, madam."

Sawyer's grin widened, her cheeks flushed from the laughter. It was well worth the pain that came after the fact. "You're so cliché, you know that?"

Two Legs winked, the mischievous spark in his eyes still there. "I aim to please—and you're welcome."

Sawyer winced as she tried to sit up further. Her eyes, still heavy from exhaustion, swept around the room again. "Where are we?"

"My humble abode," Two Legs smirked. He glanced between Sawyer and a worn rocking chair nearby, finally pulling it up beside the bed so he could sit. "We're in the Costa Brava region. About eight hours from Madrid, give or take."

"All this time, I thought you lived in a van," Sawyer scoffed, though it came out weaker than intended.

"Haha, good one!" he replied, trying to keep things light.

She sighed, rubbing her temples, then finished the coffee and set the empty cup aside.

"Anyway," she muttered, swinging her legs off the bed's edge and pushing herself to her feet, wincing as her legs wobbled beneath her. "Give me an hour, and I'll be gone."

"Wait, what?" Two Legs shot up from the chair, his eyes widening with concern as he placed a gentle hand on her shoulder, trying to coax her back to bed. "The last thing you should be doing is running around. You're in no shape to leave. You need to take it easy."

"I can't," Sawyer whispered, almost pleading. Every part of her body screamed at her to lie back down, but she refused to listen. "I have 24 hours left to get on a plane or…you said I was out for five days, right?"

"That's right," Two Legs nodded, his brow furrowing as he hovered beside her, unsure what to do. His hands twitched as if ready to catch her if she fell. 

Sawyer's face paled. "Oh, shit..."

Two Legs swallowed hard, noticing the fear creeping into her expression, and stepped closer to try to calm her down. "I'm sure you can find another arrangement to get out of Spain."

Sawyer's shoulders slumped, and her eyes were distant as she murmured. "It's not that simple."

Two Legs frowned. "How so?"

"It's like I told you back at the hotel," Sawyer sighed. She couldn't help but recall that last night before everything went wrong—the night before she was shot. "Everything's fake. All my travel papers, documentation…and Kari, that fucking—" 

Sawyer paused, her vision swimming as she fought back a sudden wave of dizziness.

"Easy. Take another breath," Two Legs murmured, his concern hidden behind a gentle command. "VITA can still help you out, right? Even without all the paperwork they did for you?"

Sawyer's lips pressed together, frustration bouncing as she tried to focus.

"I don't know," she admitted quietly, her mind drifting back to that failed attempt to access the archives, a gnawing suspicion that Kari had sabotaged her. She swallowed hard, suddenly aware of how close Luis was, his breath warm, his face just inches from hers. She looked away, her pulse quickening for reasons she didn't want to investigate, before she winced and sank back onto the bed, her legs finally giving in.

"I've never been in a situation like this."

"I guess this means you're stranded," Two Legs replied, his relief tangible when she sat down, though his eyes were clouded.

"Yeah," Sawyer let out a weak laugh, but there was no humor in it. She caught onto the tension in his features, the worry that mirrored her own. "You seem upset?

Two Legs rubbed the back of his neck, furrowing his brow before leaning back in the creaky rocking chair. "Not at you. Just the situation, what happened back there, in Toledo."

Sawyer's face softened as she studied him. His shoulders held tension even though he attempted to appear relaxed, and his eyes wandered like he hadn't rested well in days. She wanted to ask about Kari and the complicated mess between him and her but now wasn't the time.

He looked like he was barely holding it together.

"How did you get away?" she asked instead, her voice a bit quieter, as if acknowledging the gravity of what he'd been through.

"I ran like hell," Two Legs chuckled, the kind of laugh that only came from someone trying to chase away something that still scared him. 

"Obviously, or we wouldn't be here," Sawyer grunted, trying to lighten the mood, but the reality crashed down on her as she glanced at her bandaged shoulder, packed with gauze. "Did you take me to a hospital?"

"Nope," Two Legs admitted, almost proudly, though his voice was softer now. "I, uh, pulled a MacGyver, as one might say. I broke into a medical supply facility and patched you up. The bullet skimmed an artery—it didn't go all the way through, but you lost a lot of blood. Guess my minor in anatomy came in handy, huh?"

"And then some," Sawyer gingerly touched her shoulder, wincing as she felt the stitches beneath the wrappings. Her brow furrowed, confusion clouding her thoughts. "Wait, how the hell did you get me here in one piece? I was eight hours away when I got shot…"

"Here comes the crazy part." Two Legs hesitated, rubbing the back of his neck, his playful tone faltering. "After I stitched you up, I…well, I hooked an IV from me to you. Then I found a motorcycle and had you sit up front and lean against me to keep the blood flowing. Rode the whole way like that."

Sawyer's eyes widened in disbelief. "How the fuck did I not drain you dry?"

"Adrenaline?" Two Legs laughed sheepishly like he was trying to hide how close he'd come to collapsing. "I made some stops along the way, gave myself a break…then kept going."

Sawyer stared at him for a long moment. Her eyes flicked up to the IV pole and the blood bag. "And that up there…that's yours too?"

Two Legs nodded, his lips quirking into a faint smile. "Made it myself."

"Oh, you're crazy…" Sawyer murmured, shaking her head as she let out a shaky breath. "How did you even know our blood was compatible?"

There was a slight pause before he answered, his eyes darting away.

"There were some tests in the facility. I took three, just to be sure."

Sawyer had a sinking feeling he was lying. A brief flash of memory surfaced—Luis's face, pale and tautened, his eyes dark and feral. Blood smeared across his lips. She shuddered, forcing herself to dismiss it as a hallucination from her blood loss, but the unease lingered.

She frowned and glanced at the empty cup before her, biting her lip. 

I almost died…

"Well," she said with a forced casualness, "give me a day to recoup, and I'll be out of your hair."

"Wait, you said you can't get home."

"I'll find a way; I always do." Sawyer insisted, her tone a little too firm. She gave a sharp nod, more to herself than to him. "We've helped each other enough."

"That may be true," Two Legs began, pausing as if carefully choosing his next words, "but we're both still in the hot seat, and I don't feel comfortable letting you go out there while you're still injured. You'll have no protection here."

"You don't think I can—" Sawyer started, her irritation rising.

"Hear me out," he cut her off, his voice softening. "I know you're strong. Hell, you took a bullet helping a man you hardly know. I'm not underestimating you. But you don't know your way around Spain like I do, and there's a good chance Alvarez is looking for us. We're better off together than separated."

Sawyer hesitated. He was right, and she knew it, but admitting that felt like admitting weakness, and that scared her more than the pain in her arm. 

"But I…"

"I want you to stay," Two Legs plead. The sincerity in his eyes made Sawyer's heart skip. "It's the least I can do for…for getting you caught up in my mess. At least until you're back on your feet, how about that?"

Sawyer's gaze dropped to the floor. The truth was, she didn't have the strength to argue anymore. The consistent pain radiating down her arm reminded her she wasn't at one hundred percent. Still, she hated feeling vulnerable and needing help. 

"Alright…" she muttered. "I'll stick around, I guess."

"Great then!" Two Legs' smile was big and warm, too warm for the grey still swirling in her head. "We'll figure this out. Trust me!"

Sawyer was silent for a long moment, staring at her hands. She felt a knot in her stomach. "Should we talk about how we will deal with Kari and what happened between you two back there?"

Two Legs' face fell slightly. 

"Let's table that for now," he said calmly. "I may look like I have it together, but these past few days have been hard for me too. I know you have a hundred questions, and I'll answer them, but…If it's all the same to you, I need time to get my head straight."

Sawyer furrowed her brows, feeling sympathy despite the questions clawing at the back of her mind. She nodded slowly.

"First things first!" Two Legs exclaimed, his voice bright with an almost contagious excitement. He disappeared downstairs momentarily, returning with a crinkling grocery bag filled to the brim, which he promptly set on the bed beside Sawyer.

"I bought you some snacks. I wasn't sure what you liked, so I got a little of everything. The pantry's stocked, fridge too—and oh! Clothes, I got you some clothes!"

Sawyer blinked, her groggy mind struggling to catch up. "Clothes?"

"Yeah!" His grin widened, a proud glint in his eyes. "Shirts, pants, underwear, socks...based on what you had on."

It took a second for her to register what he meant, and when she did, a flood of realization hit her. She wasn't wearing her original clothes—hell, she wasn't even wearing a bra.

Her heart gave a startled lurch as she glanced down, then quickly back up at him. 

"You looked at my body?"

Two Legs' face flushed deep red, his hands shooting up defensively.

"I—I had to clean you up! You were unconscious. I wasn't going to leave you lying there in...well, you know." He shifted on his feet, clearly flustered, dropping his hands. "But I swear, I didn't peek at anything. I...I respect ladies."

She stared at him, her mouth slightly open, torn between shock and something resembling gratitude. He was an awkward mess, but the sincerity in his words disarmed her.

"Oddly comforting..." she muttered.

Two Legs slapped his forehead suddenly, struck by another thought.

"Oh man, I forgot body wash, conditioner, all that…If you don't mind smelling like me, you can use my stuff for now. There are more blankets downstairs, a deck, umm...kitchen area's a bit of a mess 'cause I haven't had time to—"

"Luis," Sawyer interrupted gently. Her throat narrowed as she looked at him, at this man who had taken care of her when she was most vulnerable. "Thank you."

Two Legs expression eased, nervousness melting into something more caring—something that whispered he was just glad she was awake. He smiled faintly, feeling the heat rise in his cheeks as his mind raced ahead of him. 

"Can I ask you something?"

Sawyer shrugged. "Sure, it's not like I'm going anywhere."

"Who's Carmen?"

"What?"

"You said her name a lot when you were bleeding." His gaze searched hers. "Is she another one of your friends, like Sam?"

Sawyer's face darkened as a flood of emotions surged forward. She took a shaky breath, ignoring his eyes, pretending she hadn't heard him right.

"I need some time alone...if that's alright," she whispered.

Two Legs' eyes widened for a fraction of a second, realizing he had crossed an unspoken line.

"Yeah, yeah, sure...um," He nodded, stepping back, his usual confidence faltering. "I'll be downstairs. Just holler if you need anything. I'll check on you later, yeah?"

"Okay..."

Sawyer's mind was already shutting him out as she turned away and lay back down. 

Two Legs stood in the doorway, watching her frame disappear into the sheets. For the first time since meeting her, she looked small and lost. He didn't know what to say, so he slipped out of the room, the door closing with a soft click.

Once downstairs, he pressed his back against the wall, releasing a deep breath he didn't even realize he was holding. His arms shuddered, pulsing almost violently, his fingernails shifting from blunt to sickle and back again, between human and parasite.

"Mierda joder," he muttered under his breath. (2)

Two Legs stared at his hands for a long moment with resignation as he focused on his breaths, controlling himself.

"You can do this," he whispered to himself, jaw tightening. "You've got a plan. It'll work." 

He had already made arrangements and figured out his "meals" for the next week to keep himself from spiraling, especially now that she was awake. Then he let out a dark, humorless chuckle, rubbing his temple.

"If you were human...if you were Luis, you'd be thrilled right now. Over the damn moon. There's a woman in my bed, hell yes!"

His cheeky grin faded into a frown. "But no...there's a woman in my bed, and I can only think about how not to kill and eat her."

His conflict churned, making it even more complicated when he thought about what had happened earlier. When Sawyer stood up from the bed, her body so close to his, it sent a jolt through him, standing the hairs on his neck. How the faint scent of her lingered in the air, her skin warm...he was painfully aware of the distance between them, or lack thereof, and how easy it would have been to pull her closer.

Two Legs sighed. His body reacted before his mind could catch up, and the hunger bit at him, primal and instinctive.

"I can do this..."

He curled his hands into fists to steady himself and keep from doing something he couldn't take back.

Notes:

1. Oye, bella durmiente! = Hey, sleeping beauty! 2. Mierda joder = Shit, fuck

[phyx-m]

Beneath The Silk

True form Sukuna x Reader

You’re forced into a marriage with the King of Curses as part of a scheme to end his life. With your cursed gift, it should be an easy task. You couldn’t be more wrong.

* * * * *

Masterlist below the cut.

🔗 Originally posted on AO3 (I thought I would post on Tumblr, though I may not be as active/slow to update. Forgive me!)

Status: Ongoing/61 Chapters

* * * * *

🔗 Music playlist (if you're into that)

* * * * *

Explicit. NSFW. Minors DNI.

Tags and warnings: Cannibalism, non-con elements, forced marriage, blood and gore, violence, female reader, slow burn, smut, Sukuna has two dicks, Sukuna’s extra mouths, heavy angst, eventual romance, trauma, reader is touch starved, panic attacks, protective Sukuna, possessive Sukuna, tension, sexual tension, manipulation, touch her and die, soft Sukuna, Sukuna POVs, Sukuna starts off very cruel, enemies to lovers, slight canon divergence, reader has powers but won't use until later, Heian era, misogyny, cursed techniques aren't explained, reader has a sister, finding yourself, falling in love?, child abuse, size difference, additional warnings at beginnings of chapters, dismemberment, not beta read.

* * * * *

Masterlist

🔗 Prologue

🔗 Chapter 1: A Walk In The Forest With The Devil

🔗 Chapter 2: Rip And Tear

🔗 Chapter 3: Sanctified To The Thing With The Pink Hair

🔗 Chapter 4: The Belly Of The Beast

🔗 Chapter 5: Nightly Visits

🔗 Chapter 6: The Tip Of Your Tongue

🔗 Chapter 7: Duality Of A Different Kind

🔗 Chapter 8: The Remedy For Bad Dreams

🔗 Chapter 9: The Space Between

🔗 Chapter 10: A Snake Shedding Its Skin

🔗 Chapter 11: The Tragedy Of Want And Need

🔗 Chapter 12: Falling, Too

🔗 Chapter 13: Ruiner

🔗 Chapter 14: All The Hands Past Midnight

🔗 Chapter 15: All The Hands At Dawn

🔗 Chapter 16: Everything Unwanted

🔗 Chapter 17: The Lies We Tell Ourselves

🔗 Chapter 18: Snake Den

🔗 Chapter 19: Something's Burning

🔗 Chapter 20: Still A Monster

🔗 Chapter 21: A Warm Place

🔗 Chapter 22: Small Blade

🔗 Chapter 23: Rotting Wound And A Hole In The Wall

🔗 Chapter 24: The Devil At Your Back

🔗 Chapter 25: Something Wicked This Way Comes

🔗 Chapter 26: The Other Daughter

🔗 Chapter 27: The Great Collapse

🔗 Chapter 28: Fingertips To Flesh

🔗 Chapter 29: Shatter

🔗 Chapter 30: Sans Silk

🔗 Chapter 31: The Flower In The North

🔗 Chapter 32: One Final Breath Of Lungs To You

[ravenstargames]

✦ Lost in Limbo Masterpost (12/09/2024)

Lost in Limbo is a dark fantasy romance visual novel taking place in the mysterious realm of Limbo. Take the role of River Winchester, a human dealing with common-life problems, as you find yourself trapped in a foreign world.

✦ Lost in Limbo explores themes such as the duality of immortality, family bonds, healing from trauma, forgiveness, acceptance, letting go of guilt, and love. 

✦ The full game will be rated +17 and will include flashing lights, disturbing imagery, mild horror, mild jumpscares, body horror, suggestive sexual scenes and discussions, sensitive topics such as toxic family relationships, anxiety, depression, mentions of suicide, depictions of alcohol / drug use, etc. Each route will have individual content warnings available for the player.

✦ LOST IN LIMBO FAQ + TUMBLR ASKS

Face the nightmares of your childhood and uncover the mysteries behind your summoning to the realm of Limbo. Tie your fate to one of seven deities sworn to be your protectors and survive a world facing its demise.

Will love be the key to your freedom, or the first chapter of your downfall?

Our first demo features over 42k words (around three hours of gameplay), partial voice acting, seven CGs, over 25 different choices...and one bad ending?!

To obtain every CG, we reccommend playing the demo twice and testing different options! 

✦ PLAY OUR DEMO NOW ON:

🔮 STEAM (MAC, LINUX, WINDOWS)

🔮 ITCH.IO (MAC, LINUX, WINDOWS)

🔮 GOOGLE PLAY

When you finally quit your dead-end job and move back to your mother's house in the ever-peaceful town of Faybourne, you think things could only get better. However, the moment you set foot in your childhood home, a harrowing nightmare long forgotten appears to haunt you once more. 

A tower that crumbles in the vastness of a bleeding sky. A voice that mourns and yearns for something.

Torn away from your peaceful life and thrown into a world of danger and deceit, you are at the mercy of the Seven Sovereigns of Limbo. Navigate the Realm Between as it faces an impending cataclysm that threatens to swallow you and those you love whole.

Whether you fall in love or in disgrace... is up to you. 

 Lost in Limbo features seven love interests and a wide cast of secondary characters.

VA: Patrick 'Pat' Langner

God and creator of Limbo, Father Pride has witnessed eons of change in both his world and yours. Aware of the delicate barrier that keeps each world separate and whole, it is his duty to both protect his people and safeguard the endless knowledge his immortality has granted him. 

The Father of All is beloved by his family and worshiped as an invincible leader by the inhabitants of Limbo, but he ultimately remains removed from others; a mysterious, unreachable idol. The life of a deity of unfathomable power is solitary, and you can't help but wonder if there's any trace of humanity in him.

Can you truly trust a being whose power is beyond human comprehension, or are you just another tool for him? 

VA: Brian Vaughn

His father's promises of glory, and legends of a destiny full of wonders awaiting him, drove Amon to build Dagalis, his city, as a mirror image of himself. Flamboyant, free, and absolutely magnificent—Amon lives his immortal life to the very fullest, often ignoring the consequences.

When you fall into his care, you become the Dragon’s newest toy; he is determined to dazzle you, and the temptation to surrender to him is overwhelming. However, Amon can only look away from the ticking bombs within Dagalis for so long, and you will inevitably be dragged down with him if the worst comes to pass. 

Can you rely on each other to save yourselves, or is your love destined to burn you and Dagalis down?

VA: Silvairre Devereaux

Raeya earned her title of Praefectus, leader of Limbo’s military forces and safekeeper of the realm, after centuries of hard work and devotion. Her oath to protect the people of Limbo is an extension of herself, one she wields in the battlefield against the voidbound and against anyone who dares to defile what she believes is just.

However, the truth behind the realm's darkest times will soon put Raeya's loyalty to the test, and with it, her ability to keep you out of harm's way.

When the inevitable cruelty of the Realm Between unfolds before you, what will you be willing to sacrifice to save what you love the most?

VA: Abi Kumar

As ominous as his alias may sound, there has never been a kinder person in all of Limbo than Master Gael. However, rumors tainting the Master's image have begun to spread, and the streets murmur of a plot to overthrow him. Master Gael is facing a crisis in his mandate, and with your unexpected arrival, strategy is more important than ever.

You are met with an offer that's hard to refuse; if you play your part as Gael’s fiancée and help him secure his win in the upcoming Master elections once more, a ritual to return you to your world may be within reach. 

But with powerful individuals keeping an eye on every movement of the Master and his lover, what are the chances of obtaining a victory for you both?

VA: Aaron Moy

Stripped of their name and shunned after commiting treason, the Sovereign now known as Lord Envy resides alone in the Black Citadel, forgotten by those who fled the city and hated by the ones who refused to leave. 

It doesn't take you too long to realize you two have nothing in common besides the fact that you hate each other to death. Envy is harsh, impertinent and unmoved by your plight. However, behind that mask of hatred lies a being that has been hurt almost beyond repair, and their call for help is too painful to ignore.

Can you break the walls they have built around themselves for centuries, or will you remain a prisoner in his castle for all eternity?

VA: Zaria Weems

Ara seems ready to be your ally from the very beginning. Her desire to help you get back to your family seems genuine, and her fervent will to act as your protector impresses you. She believes you are the key to summoning her childhood hero, The Wanderer of Worlds, a mythical figure that is able to walk in every world to bring forth peace.

Ara's passionate personality is incredibly charming, but it hides an ambition that seems almost insatiable...and that may come with problems that are too big for you two. 

What will you do when you find out how far she's willing to go?

VA: Francfil Pontañeles

Seen as an ‘afterthought’ by the people of Limbo, no one has ever expected anything from Xal, not even himself. When you end up in his care, you fear you're going to spend the rest of your life watching him tinker with gadgets, but Xal swiftly proves you wrong when he discovers a ritual that could send you back home in no time.

However, a crucial mistake turns the tables, and you're not the only one to reappear in Faybourne. With no fearless gods with incredible powers around to aid you, you'll have to face the consequences your disappearance left behind...and somehow help Xal go back to his siblings.

But what if Xal doesn't want to leave—and you don't want him to go?

Lázaro and Cécile's routes are Side Routes that will be produced after the Main Love Interests'. As they were not unlocked via Kickstarter, they'll take time to become available!

VA: Callum Sanders

After your encounter in Master Lysander's occult shop, you hoped you would never see those golden eyes again. Destiny, as always, is a capricious thing.

Your rocky return to Faybourne not only brings more questions to the table; it also gives you the opportunity to cross paths with the person who started it all. However, as you confront Lázaro—as they graciously introduce themself— they pretend they don't know anything about what happened in that suffocating room that summer morning.

You refuse to let them go that easily after what they did to you, and soon enough you're dragged into Lázaro's personal hell.

When your world quickly proves to be as dangerous as the realm of Limbo, will you trust the person who started it all?

VA: TBA

When you first meet Cécile, Gael's bodyguard, you can't stop from shivering under the gaze of his bloodthirsty eyes. The Master's Dog, as everyone whispers behind his back, smells of death and despair; it is all he has known since he was born. Revenge on those who snatched his soul away from him is the only thing in his mind—only after serving his Master, who he so greatly worships.

He has no interest in you. In fact, he openly dislikes you. You can tell by the way he looks at you; if it were his choice, his hands would already be around your neck. And yet, you can't deny the attraction pulling you towards him, oblivious of how dangerous it would be if he were to worship you instead of his Master.

Can you survive the love of an obsessed killer, or will you meet your end at the raw passion of his hands?

✦ The MC is written as a young adult who is at least 21 years old. The player can headcanon their character as any age they desire, but every route is written so the MC is of an age similar to that of their chosen love interest, except for Father Pride who is older than the MC.

✦ The MC is a strong-willed individual who isn't afraid to jump into action. In the game, you'll be able to channel these characteristics in different ways. River is funny, kind and a bit too stubborn—but you choose how to manage those traits and whether to let them shine or not. The game will remember, so if you are not too athletic, maybe hitting that monster with a chair isn't a very good idea.

✦ The MC also has some default tastes, hobbies and memories. During the game, you'll be able to personalize how the Main Character feels about their interests, add new ones, or reflect about how the past affected them. The characters will remember this.

✦ The MC doesn't have an established appearance, therefore, you won't see them in game.

The beautifully deadly world of Limbo, The Realm Between. Woven in the eternal canvas that is the Great Void, it is a breathing world that lives in constant symbiosis with those who dwell therein. It rests in the custody of the Seven Sovereigns of Limbo, immortal guardians of unbelievable strength.

Few are those who venture past the Beyond; none have ever returned However, Limbo’s land is deteriorating fast. The balance that holds the threads of life are at the cusp of being consumed by the Midnight Tower, an entity beyond sense and reason that has grown dangerously close to the barrier between worlds. The voidbound, creatures made from the essence of nightmares, are stalking the cities closer to the Tower’s domain, leaving behind nothing but chaos and decay.

Explore the Seven Circles of Limbo and its seven capital cities, and get to know its people, their customs and their culture, inspired by Spanish provinces and cities such as the Valencian Community, Andalucía, Galicia and Aragón. Enjoy the unique animated backgrounds, whether you're lost in a harrowing swamp or just wandering through a boisterous main street.

✦ Seven love interests with independent routes and different kinds of romance. Live a passionate, mature and erotic experience with Amon, or a first love romance with Xal.

✦ Around 80+ hours of gameplay total. Each route will be around 15+ hours. 

✦ Customizable Main Character (full name and pronouns changeable between he/him, she/her or they/them).

✦ Approximately 6 endings per character. Escape from the claws of despair with your loved one or succumb to the pressure of a world breaking to pieces...or perhaps something in the middle.

✦ A mature, sex-positive narrative point of view. Lost in Limbo treats consensual sex as a natural, integral and fun part of the game. The game therefore includes textually and slightly explicit love scenes, and the player has the option not to engage, stop or skip these scenes anytime.*

✦ Player choices can shape the Main Character's personality, traits, likes & dislikes, etc.

✦ A wide cast of side characters to make the world feel alive, each one of them with their opinion and relationship with the Main Character.

✦ A compendium to keep track of events, important information, etc. 

*An exception of this is Amon's route, centered in the sexual tension between him and the MC. His sexual scenes with the Main Character are core to the story and therefore, happen no matter what. The player can still skip these scenes.

In Lost in Limbo, not everything is as it seems. Every route offers pieces of a much bigger puzzle ready to be solved, but small details mattter. Characters will remember how you treat them, what you tell them, and what you don't. Keeping your cards close to your chest may be wise, but in a world where you don't have the upper hand, choosing who to trust is key to survive.

✦ There will be four different choice systems that will give shape to your playthrough:

Trust Points centered around your love interest and the side characters; a low level of trust can translate into bad endings*.

Plot-driving choices that will shape the story and its possible endings, as well as the final fate of the characters.

Personality choices that will determine the nature of the Main Character's relationship with their love interest, as well as how the MC reacts to certain events, their abilities, hobbies, etc.

Flavor choices! These don't impact the game directly, but are there for the main objective of the game: having fun! Do you want ice cream, or perhaps a caramelized apple?

*In Lost in Limbo, there's not only one correct answer and one wrong answer. There's different ways of earning trust points without having to stick for the "one and only right answer", and mistakes can be redeemed...sometimes.

Please note that this may be subjected to changes in the future, but always keeping in mind player's opinions and always in favor of improving the game experience.

We'll first start working on an extended demo / prologue that will be offered for free. This will include an overhaul of sprites, several secondary characters mentioned in our first demo, etc. After that, we'll move to the character routes, and the first episode of each one of them will be offered for free to the public.

Two routes will always be worked on at the same time to make sure they complement each other well. The order in which we'll work on the routes is as follows.

✦ Amon / Gael > Ara / Xal > Envy / Raeya > Father Pride

We estimate that with our current team, development for the seven routes will take  three years. Therefore, our first release plan aims for a full release in 2027.

Please remember there's only four of us; our writer is also our programmer, our artists are in charge of all the art departments, etc.

As stated above, outsourcing would speed up this process, but we want to be cautious with our release plan. If everything goes faster than expected, all the better!

✦ OUR SOCIALS ✦

For more info about our team etc., feel free to visit our official webpage, ravenstar.games!

🔮 TWITTER / X

🔮 OFFICIAL DISCORD SERVER

🔮 TIKTOK

YOU CAN CONTACT US AT INFO@RAVENSTAR.GAMES FOR ANY INQUIRIES!

[lowkeyerror]

The Family Business Ch.1

WandaNat x Reader

Word Count: 3.2k

Ch Notes: Minor character death, Near death experience, Parental Neglect/Abuse, Graphic descriptions of violence

Summary: The passing of your older brother forever changed your relationship with your parents. After a particularly brutal incident with your mother, the Maximoffs welcome you into their home.

An: It's been a minute, but I said I was coming back with a vengeance. I've already got multiple chapters of this drafted so be ready for weekly releases. Thanks for sticking around and I hope you enjoy this series!

Series Masterlist | Masterlist

Often the word delicate is used interchangeably with fragile. The only main difference is an obvious and inherent beauty that comes with something delicate. Something fragile on the other hand is viewed as predominantly breakable. Glass is fragile while a flower is delicate. Some items have a duality to them like a vase or feelings.

You were fragile.

Not entirely frail, there was some strength to your bones. It was more so from your unwillingness to be perceived as weak than anything else that kept you semi-strong. You were aware that life could be unkind, but also knew that it took pity on no one. There would be no exceptions made for you, no matter how much your mind craved it.

You were young when you learned the cruelty of life. The memory lives in your mind as clearly as the day it happened. It was summer, the sun was high in the sky, beaming down ferociously on your hometown. It was well over 90 degrees, the perfect weather for swimming. Your parents suggested that you and your brother get in the pool to cool off.

Lucas was wearing blue trunks while you had on a black and white one piece. He was 12 and you were 8, merely children. Left unsupervised, you played in water as you always had with each other.  You couldn’t swim so you always stayed on the shallow side of the pool.

After spending the majority of the day in the pool, you wanted to get out. You hoisted yourself out of the pool by the side, instead of going to the steps. You were successful in getting out of the pool. It was walking along the side of the pool that made you slip. Your head hit the cement and you felt your body hit the water.

You couldn’t recall much from there. The rest had been recounted to you more times than you could remember. You sank 12 feet to the bottom of the pool. Lucas hadn’t noticed immediately but once he did, he sprang into action.

He could swim, but he wasn’t a strong swimmer. Regardless he swam to the bottom of the pool to retrieve you. He found you there unconscious blood surrounding the water by your head. On the darkest days you speculated about the moment he knew that he was losing air.

He was only 12, but he used his strength to get you out of the water. You had laid on the cement unconscious, while your brother passed out in the pool water. By the time your parents decided to check on you, your head was resting in a puddle of its own blood on the concrete and your brother was face down in the pool.

They called 911 and by some miracle, you had survived. Lucas didn’t make it. You could never forget the look on your parents’ face when they told you. The pity in your father’s eyes and the hatred in your mother’s.

You could recall nearly every time your mother said you killed your brother. It was her favorite thing to throw in your face. She said it so much that it was hard not to believe it.

Your father would argue with her for talking to you this way. It never led to anything other than a screaming match between the two. It only took a few months for divorce papers to be filed. With the divorce papers came a nasty custody battle. The courts decided on 50/50 as your mother became the actress of the century claiming that she couldn't stand to lose another child.

Handling her cruelty forced you to toughen up. The words she spoke to you were nothing compared to the violence she inflicted against you. The bruises were endless with her. Even when you grew taller and stronger than her, she'd taken to throwing things at you.

When you were with your father things were calmer, but he worried a lot. So, you spent a lot of time alone when you stayed with him. It was better than your mother's and you were always grateful for that even though you wished he was more present.

The only thing that helped soften your reality was your friend Pietro. You met him in high school. He knew about everything. He was your only friend, the only person who had taken a liking to your semi-stoic personality. You were by no means an open book, but Pietro showed that he could be trusted. So, you found yourself telling him about your life.

He hated the way you lived. Any time he could, he’d invite you to his place to remove you from your situation. You gladly took his house as a safe haven. His family was affluent. He lived in a home with too many rooms to count. It was a stark difference from either of your parents homes. His family was also the most caring group of people you had ever known. It was evident after the first few visits that they had taken quite a liking to you.

It took you a long time to understand just how much the Maximoff’s cared for you. There was one instance that solidified how much you meant to them.

“Y/n, come over later tonight. Mama misses you, she said she'd make your favorite,” the then 16-year-old Pietro commented as you exited school grounds.

“I’ll try, but this is my mom’s week.”

Pietro frowned, “That just means you should come over earlier.”

You gave him a sad smile, “You know I want to, it’s just- you know how she is.”

His jaw clenched, “Abusive.”

Your gaze lingered on the floor. You heard him sigh loudly before you felt his arms wrapped securely around you. His chin rested on top of your head as he hugged you like you were going to disappear. You fight the urge to say that you were sorry, he hated when you apologized for no reason.

“I’m sorry, you know I just don't want you getting hurt,” he mumbles into your hair.

“I know,” your voice was smaller than you liked it to be. Pietro always found a way to show your more vulnerable side.

He released the hug and looked at you with soft eyes, “Be safe, Y/n.”

You nodded curtly, “I will.”

The walk home was as anxiety provoking as it always was. Dread filled your body as you approached the run-down apartment complex. You tried to be quiet as you entered your mother’s apartment.

“Well, where have you been all day?” You knew that tone indicated that your mother was already drunk.

“School,” you answered shortly, attempting to continue to your room.

“Don’t walk away when I'm talking to you,” her words made you freeze in your tracks.

There was venom in her glare as she looked at you, “Lucas would've been in his second year of college this year, if you weren't so fucking careless.”

You inhaled slowly, knowing there was nothing you could respond to her with.

“Probably would've been top of his class. He would've had friends and a girlfriend, but because of you he's been rotting in the ground for 8 years because of you.”

You balled up your hands into fists, digging your nails into the skin of your palm. You needed something to ground you, to keep you from crying as your mother continued to speak.

“If he could see you now, he would regret saving your life. You’re stupid, you’re ugly, and you’re disgusting. Still dressing like a little boy at your age, like the sinner I know you are.”

You couldn’t hold your tongue, “He wouldn't even recognize you, you drunk piece of shit.”

She slapped you, “Don’t you dare speak to me like that.”

Your cheek stung and your gaze hit the floor.

“You should've died instead. You’re hardly even a girl, we could've had another daughter.”

You couldn't take it anymore. Walking away from her, you went to your room.  She followed you, but that didn't deter you from throwing all of your things into a duffle bag.

“Where do you think you're going?”

You ignored her and continued to grab the things you cared for.  She screamed more as you packed but you didn't give her an answer. Once you were done, she was stood in your doorway with a wild look in her eyes.

“Leaving,” is all you said as you roughly pushed past her.

“Did you just put your hands on me?”

Her tone was hysterical. You kept moving through the apartment calmly.  It wasn’t until she threw a glass bottle at the wall near you that you flinched. It shattered right by your head. Glass shards flew towards your face, and you felt one slice through your cheek.

You weren’t stunned by her actions. She had done this before in her drunken rage. The glass shattering was just what she needed to get within arms reach of you. Her bony fingers wrapped around your wrist tightly. You hissed at the feeling, knowing there would be bruising.

“You aren’t going anywhere,” she attempted to pull you back, but you were stronger than her.

You pried her fingers off of your wrist. The freedom didn’t last for long as she grabbed a fistful of your hair, using it to slam you backwards onto the ground. While you were on the ground, she kept one hand wrapped in your hair as she started to stomp and kick you.

The pain was immense. You struggled against her, trying to find her hand that was holding your hair. When you found it, you grabbed her arm similarly to how she had grabbed yours. You squeezed as hard as you could, and you heard her shriek. Her grip on your hair dropped and as soon as it did you pushed the woman away from you.

“No one wants you; no one cares about you. You don’t even have anywhere to go, you worthless fucking murderer,” your mother stood still where you pushed her to. She tried to bluff you and you knew it.

“Anywhere is better than here,” you rushed for the door.

She threw one more bottle near the exit and you felt a sharp pain in your side, but you kept moving. Your entire body was burning, but you didn’t stop moving.

You let your feet carry you until you realized you were standing in front of the Maximoff’s house. Usually, you'd text Pietro and he'd get the door for you, but instead you rapidly knocked on the door before ringing the bell.

You didn't wait too long before the door swung open, revealing Pietro’s older sister, Wanda. She looked happy to see you until she noticed your state.  She gasped silently before gently pulling you into the house. You could hear the light family chatter happening in the dining room.

Wanda took your bag from you and led you to the rest of the family. Fear coursed through your veins as your heart started to pick up speed. You didn’t want them to see you like this. Wanda sensed this shift in you and spoke.

“We’re going to help, I promise,” her words were few but there was a conviction in them.

You took a deep breath and let her take you into the room with the others. When they saw you, the chatter stopped. Your eyes locked on to Pietro’s. There was a fire in his eyes as he looked at you.

His voice was shaky as he spoke, “She did this to you?”

That’s all it took for you to burst into tears. You collapsed into Wanda’s arms, and she held you upright.

“Wanda, Flora, take her upstairs get her cleaned up and prep a room for her. Pietro, come with me,” Dragos softly ordered his wife and kids.

Without much effort Wanda picked you up and carried you to the upstairs bathroom, her mother trailed behind her. Wanda sat you on the bathroom counter before rummaging through a few cabinets.

“Mama, I can patch her up while you get the room ready,” Wanda said, already prepping to help you.

Flora left the room, leaving just you and Wanda. You were hardly there; your eyes were cloudy as Wanda looked into them. She could tell you were far away.

“Y/n, I need to know where you’re hurt. I see you’ve got a cut on your face and some bruising on your arm, anything else sweetheart?”

You were hesitant and Wanda saw you fiddling with the end of your shirt. Her hands were delicate as they rested on top of yours, “You’re hurt under there?”

You nodded slightly.

“Can I take a look?” Her eyes looked into yours begging for permission.

You lifted the shirt up not only to reveal a bruise forming but a shard of glass sticking out of your side. It was like seeing the glass triggered something in you as more tears began flooding down your face.

“I’m going to fix it ok, sweetheart. You can trust me. It might hurt a little, but you’ll feel loads better after.”

The most painful part was Wanda removing the glass. Your hands gripped the counter until your knuckles were turning white. The red head talked you through everything she was doing, which gave you a little comfort. She also praised you for being as still as possible as she knew how much this was hurting. Though she imagined it wasn’t worse than the wounds being inflicted.

Once she was done, you felt a lot better. You could tell that she wanted to ask you something by the way her eyes wouldn’t leave your figure.

“Y/n?”

Your eyes locked on to her eyes. They were a soft green tone; they held a certain warmth to them. It was easy to get lost in them.

You hummed in response to her.

“Can I ask, what happened?”

Your thumb tapped the pads of your fingers and you focused on them as you answered Wanda, “My mom got mad at me because I wanted to leave. “

You saw Wanda’s jaw clench and it was almost identical to Pietro’s from earlier in the day, “She’s never going to lay a finger on you again.  We’re going to protect you.”

Leaning forward slightly you rested your head on her shoulder. She smelled good and it calmed your nerves. She let you stay in that position until there was a knock on the door.

“I brought some pajamas and towels for a shower. Do you think you'll need help or can I steal this one for a moment,” Mrs.Maximoff peaks through the door.

Wanda looked at you for an answer, “I can do it myself.”

The older woman sent you a small smile, “Very good dear. Just holler if you need anything.”

Wanda paused before she exited the bathroom, “After your shower I'm going to bandage your torso, ok? Be gentle around the tender areas.”

“Thank you, Wanda,” she smiled at your words and left at that.

When you were finally alone with your thoughts, your tears began to fall again. You let the hot water of the shower cascade down your back. The stinging sensation felt good on your skin. The words your mom said were echoing through your head. You knew they wouldn't be going away any time soon.

While you showered Pietro gave his family some insight into your life. He had told them your brother died in an accident and your mother blamed you. He spoke briefly about your father’s busy working schedule but went into details about your mother’s abuse.

Even the short version of events was heartbreaking to the family.

Flora met her husband’s eyes, “She can’t go back there Dragos.”

He nodded his head in agreement, “She’s not.”

There was a dangerous look in Wanda’s gaze, “What’re we going to do about that bitch?”

Dragos looked at his daughter with a slight smile on his lips, “We’re going to take care of her. She’s not going to bother Y/n, ever again, unless she's got a death wish.”

“If she’s going to stay here, she needs to know the truth,” Pietro said looking down at the table.

“What good would that do her? She’s already had enough,” Wanda defended.

Pietro’s glare matched Wanda’s, “She’s my best friend and we all know there’s a danger that comes with being in this household. If she’s at risk to be hurt, then she deserves to know, and I will tell her.”

“We can keep her safe without her knowing,” Wanda argued back.

“I am not lying to her,” Pietro said with finality.

Wanda scoffs, “You have for all this time, what’s the difference?”

Pietro slammed his fist down on the table, “I would’ve told her from the start if it was an option. She has barred her soul to me, entrusted me with her deepest fears and secrets, you don’t know her like I do.”

“I know she came here barely able to talk, a piece of glass lodged in her side, a cut under her eye, her entire midsection is a bruise. “

“That doesn't mean she doesn’t deserve to know the truth.”

Neither of them was backing down.

“The truth about what?”

The family shifted their attention to you. Pietro crossed his arms over his chest while looking at his family expectantly. Wanda turned her attention to her father to see what he would do.

It was actually Flora who spoke, “Y/n if you’re going to be staying with us there is something we must tell you dear.”

Pietro started, “Remember when you saw my house for the first time and asked what my parents did?”

Wanda rolled her eyes at Pietro’s prolonging of the situation, “Y/n we’re a part of a crime syndicate.”

Dragos quickly corrected Wanda, “We aren’t just a part of it. I’m in charge of it. We aren't so bad either, we do a lot for the community.”

You wanted to laugh, but they looked so serious. They were waiting for your reaction, but you were still processing. This clearly wasn't a joke.

“Ok,” was all that you could muster up.

“Do you get what we’re saying dear?”

You nodded slowly. “You’re criminals,” your eyes cut over to your best friend, “All of you?”

Pietro tore his eyes away from you.

Wanda saw the hurt in her brother’s eyes and tried to take over, “Beyond criminals, Y/n we’re the same Maximoff family that you know. We care about you and your safety. We would never let any harm come to you.”

“Do I have to be involved with that stuff?” You questioned.

The family all eyed Dragos, seemingly searching for an answer of their own. His eyes met yours, “I will never make you do anything you don't want to do. However, if this is something you're interested in all you have to do is ask.”

You took in a deep breath, before exhaling, “Thank you for letting me stay.”

Flora shook her head, “You’re family Y/n.”

For once that night you held back the tears. You let Wanda redress your wounds and then went to bed. Sleep came easier than it should’ve, you believed the Maximoff's when they said you were safe. That was the first time in your life where you felt delicate and not fragile. However, things change consistently, and life moves fast, even faster when you’re entangled with the biggest crime family in New York City.

[grlsbstshot]

listen to james lucas's newly released double album, midnight & dawn

Also! Don't miss his appearance on everybody's favorite podcast, Rhythm & Tea

Chapter 12 of Neon Lights debuts this Wednesday

The cozy studio was a blend of modern and vintage aesthetics: warm wooden panels, sleek microphones, and an inviting couch that contrasted with the walls adorned with vinyl records and photos of past guests. James Lucas sat in the middle of it all, leaning back in his chair with a casual ease that belied the intensity of his thoughts.

He wore a crisp black turtleneck and dark jeans, his watch catching the light every time he gestured. Across from him sat the podcast hosts, Tasha and Lea, both vibrant and intrigued— clearly starstruck but maintaining a professional demeanor that James could respect. The interest in the room palpable as they volleyed questions back and forth.

It didn’t matter what he said, they probed for more. His charming quips bringing giggles and swooning from one of the hosts. The other just seemed to enjoy how unnerved her friend and partner was to be in front of a man they both admired.

“So, James,” Tasha began, her voice smooth and welcoming, “Midnight & Dawn has been called a masterpiece by a lot of critics already. Two disks, two distinct vibes—what made you decide to take on something so ambitious?”

Jameson smiled, a little shyly. “It wasn’t really a decision at first. It just…happened. EJ, my producer and writing partner, was working with me on an album but it didn’t feel done. So we pushed it back by a year. Everybody got on my ass about it but it felt right to push it. We took a break and then went back to it. When we started back work on it, I was an entirely different place and the music sort of split itself.”

“Can you give the people -- not us because I've already heard it and I'm obsessed with you...I mean, the album. But can you give them a little hint of what each side is about?” Lea spoke up, leaning forward in her chair.

When Jameson redirected her gaze to her and laughed, she blushed.

"How'd you hear it? It's not out until February 6th." "Don't worry about me, James Lucas. I got connections."

He laughed louder and she flipped her hair over her shoulder, proud of herself for it. “Midnight is about the darker emotions—grief, heartbreak, anger. Over time, I ran out of those emotions. So Dawn became about finding hope again. It’s a journey, you know?”

She nodded. “That makes sense. You can really feel that duality in the music. Was there a moment where you knew the project had to be a double album?”

“Yeah,” Jameson said, his gaze distant for a moment. “After we wrote ‘Simple Things’. It was incredibly different from anything that we’d done before. A little lighter. I stepped out of my personal experiences and just spoke broadly. It didn’t fit fully into what we were crafting. It was the other side of it. Originally, we were going to shelve it but EJ thought it was a shame to do that to a song we both liked so…we kept it on the track list. The more it started to expand, that’s when it came to me. Double album. I couldn’t tell the story in just one part.”

Tasha tapped her notepad, intrigued. “Speaking of storytelling, your lyrics are incredibly personal. Do you ever worry about being too vulnerable?”

Jameson chuckled softly. “No. I think that’s the point, right? Vulnerability is what makes music resonate. If I’m not honest, then what’s the point of any of it?”

"Okay, let’s get into details. It’s called Rhythm and Tea. Where’s the tea?” She teased him. “We love your new single, Burn. We have to know, James, is it about anyone in particular? Because we have our theories."

"Let me hear the theories." "One of our producers think it's about your latest break up with our girl, Imani. Is that true?" He hesitated before offering a chuckle in response, "Yes, we wrote it a year or so ago. Around the time we broke up."

Lea’s eyes went wide and she said “Ooooh.” Much to the amusement of her co-host but Jameson continued. “But I mean — it's Mani. She's a phenomenal woman. You lose someone like her, you feel it. For a long time. But I'm lucky. She and I have managed to be friends. I respect that so that's all I'll be saying."

The hosts exchanged a knowing glance, but they didn’t press further.

Tasha changed the subject. “Alright, we got enough tea. For now. Let’s talk process. Are you someone who writes every day, or do you wait for inspiration to strike?”

“I try to write every day, even if it’s just a few lines or a melody,” Jameson said. “But the best stuff usually comes when I’m not expecting it. Like, I’ll be driving or making coffee, and suddenly a lyric will hit me. I have a hundred voice memos of me humming into my phone while swerving through the streets because I got the phone to my ear trying to catch this random ass melody.”

The room erupted in laughter.

As the conversation continued, Jameson grew more animated, talking about the producers he’d worked with, the late-night recording sessions, and the risks he’d taken musically. But even as he spoke, there was a part of him that felt detached, like he was watching himself from a distance.

Tasha nodded, making a note of his answer. “Have you seen yourself transforming through your music?”

Jameson took a deep breath, considering the question carefully. “Well, when I first started out, I was just trying to make music that people would like. I was 18 when I signed my first deal. 19 when the album came out. What the hell did I know about life? But as I’ve grown and experienced more. I’m a few months from 30. My music has become much more personal and reflective of my own journey. I learned very quickly how powerful it can be. I learned how to express myself and my emotions in a way that I never could before.”

Lea jumped in excitedly. “And we can certainly hear that transformation in your new album. It’s raw and honest.”

“Thank you,” Jameson said with a smile. “I think that’s the beauty of music – it connects us all through our shared experiences.”

Tasha nodded in agreement before leaning in with another question. “Speaking of shared experiences, critics have been buzzing about one song in particular – Confessions. Can you tell us more about the meaning behind it?”

Jameson’s expression turned serious as he thought about how to articulate his thoughts on the track. “Confessions is a very personal song for me,” he began. “It’s about coming to terms with my mistakes and taking responsibility for them. Realizing you’re the villain in your own story is….hard.” He looked down at his wrist, fiddling with his watch nervously before continuing. “Whether it's infidelity or some other kind of betrayal -- to be able to face ourselves and confront our fuckups is needed to move forward. And Confessions is my way of doing just that.”

The hosts nodded understandingly, giving him a moment to gather himself, nodded appreciatively, thanking him for his time as the recording ended. As the studio lights dimmed and the crew began packing up, Jameson stayed seated for a moment, lost in thought. His mind wandered to Imani—her laugh, her stubbornness, the way she always saw through him. He wondered if she’d listen to the album. If she’d understand. With a deep sigh, he stood and shook hands with the hosts, thanking them for having him before making his way to the next promo opportunity, the weight of her absence pressed heavier on his chest each time he heard the music.

[showyourself80]

Masterlist

Come find me on AO3 https://archiveofourown.org/users/showyourself/profile

**Updated 30/6/2024**

Snarry fics

(In)gemino concubitus. Explicit. 5k words. Harry celebrates his Defence against the Dark Arts mastery with Severus with a nifty spell to turn his lover into three versions of himself at once. Unfortunately Harry is a little careless with his pronunciation and chaos ensues as he is faced with increasing shadows of his lover that keep multiplying unless he can bring the spell to a close. https://archiveofourown.org/works/51137407

2. Whiskey wedding. Mature. 1.4k words. The Control and Regulation of Allocated Partners team at the ministry has assigned Dolores Umbridge to Severus Snape. Unless he comes up with an alternative he will be married to her within the month, which is more than inconvenient considering he's gay. He goes to his friend, Harry Potter, to brainstorm solutions over a bottle of Firewhiskey. https://archiveofourown.org/works/51620209

3. Owned. Explicit. 8k words. Severus snape receives a series of blackmail notes, threatening to expose a deeply held secret. After securing an unbreakable vow from his tormentor to prevent his secret being revealed to the wrong person, he finds himself trapped in an even worse situation- a night at the hands of the blackmailer. https://archiveofourown.org/works/51814885/chapters/131000557

4. Loaded. Explicit. 1.3k words. Harry is behind on his laundry and has a hot date with Severus in a few hours. An unfortunate incident leaves him naked and stuck in the washing machine. Thankfully Severus is a perfect gentleman who is ready to assist Harry with his load. https://archiveofourown.org/works/52447531

5. Ten points to Gryffindor. Explicit. 3.5k words. Ever since Potter came on staff, Gryffindor keep winning points in the house cup- by a huge margin- and no one seems to be able to work out why. https://archiveofourown.org/works/56159128

6. Pink. Explicit. 215 words. A ministry ball, a request from one lover to another, and a pair of perfect lacy panties worn under dress robes inspires a promise. https://archiveofourown.org/works/56430313

7. Cocktail. Explicit. 1.3k words. Part 2 of Pink. Harry gets Severus home after the ministry ball and makes good on his promises. https://archiveofourown.org/works/56471641

8. Sunshower. Mature. 700 words. Was Severus teasing Harry about sunshowers? Or could such an unlikely combination really work in reality? https://archiveofourown.org/works/56762701

9. Needs. Explicit. 400 words. Severus is struggling in Azkaban, and not for the reasons Harry would have expected. Harry is willing to do whatever it takes to keep him sane long enough to see him pardoned. https://archiveofourown.org/works/56828731

10. Stuffed. Mature. 260 words. Severus has no self control. Luckily he has Harry to keep him in line. https://archiveofourown.org/works/56830573

11. Conflicted. Mature. 300 words. Harry's recent choices have unexpected consequences for his relationship with Severus. https://archiveofourown.org/works/56903080

12. Hands free dessert. Explicit. 715 words. It's Harry's birthday, and he has every intention of enjoying it with Severus. https://archiveofourown.org/works/56996473

13. Duality. Explicit. 900 words. Professor/Student, Top/Bottom https://archiveofourown.org/works/57006898

14. Ring. Gen rating. 200 words. Created for the House of Snarry discord server chain game June 2024. Prompt: Ring. https://archiveofourown.org/works/56593723

15. Snarry microfics fest- June 2024 series. 30 unrelated fics, 4.8k words. https://archiveofourown.org/series/4172749

Dramione/ Snucius

The Swap. Explicit. 44.2k words. Lucius keeps forgetting the silencing charms whenever he takes his lover in his office at Malfoy Manor. Hermione has noticed Draco spying on them, and decides to use that knowledge to tease him. Does Lucius really neglect to close the office door properly, or is something else going on https://archiveofourown.org/works/50251648/chapters/126932215

Lucarry fics

Thank you for your gift. Mature. 700 words. Part 1 of the Gift series. Harry and Lucius are working through the mountain of gifts after their wedding, and sorting their thank you notes. One present causes a bit of controversy. https://archiveofourown.org/works/51616246

2. 12 days of Christmas. Explicit. 39.5k words. Cowritten with DCMM. Part 2 of the Gift series. Harry and Lucius are enjoying their first festive period together as a married couple, when they receive an unexpected series of gifts themed around the 12 days of Christmas song. Exploring the wizarding equivalent of a sex toy advent calendar, they work together to discover the identity of the person who has sent this gift to them. Also featuring a side Snaco pairing. https://archiveofourown.org/works/52508185/chapters/132830656

3. Fever dreams. Explicit. 6.5k words. Lucius Malfoy is struck down by a new virulent strain of Dragon Pox, Voldemort's parting gift to the wizarding world. As one of the few individuals immune to the pox, Harry Potter offers his services to nurse Lucius through his illness, and the pair grow closer as a result. How will Draco respond to the saviour of the wizarding world growing close to his father when he had only just lost his mother to the disease just six months ago?https://archiveofourown.org/works/51968551/chapters/131416171

Snucissa fics

Purify. Explicit. 8.7k words. Part 1 of Purify series. Harry Potter has been captured at the Battle of Hogwarts and forcibly taken back to Malfoy Manor. His mother's blood protection prevents Voldemort killing him, leaving him to be tortured for the madman's pleasure. Voldemort tasks Snape with scouring the Hogwarts library for a means to remove the blood protection, and finds the solution in a book combining blood and sex magics for soul purification. The key ingredient is a virgin sacrifice, and luckily Draco Malfoy appears to be the ideal candidate. Can Severus work with Narcissa and Lucius to save their son https://archiveofourown.org/works/51004651/chapters/128861977

2. Afterglow. Explicit. 6.5k words. Part 2 of Purify series. We see the aftermath of the soul purification ritual featured in Purify. Snape must convince Harry to keep the Malfoys safe. https://archiveofourown.org/works/51077752/chapters/129047989

3. The Doctor will see you now. Explicit. 5.2k words. Lady Malfoy has fallen into a deep melancholy, refusing her morning constitutionals and taking to her bed for days. Her husband, deeply concerned, takes her to see Professor Snape, a fertility specialist, after they still have not conceived a year after their marriage. Will Snape's unorthodox methods resolve her case of hysteria? Will he be able to help the couple overcome their inexperience and sustain the Malfoy line? https://archiveofourown.org/works/51761617

Snucius fics

Snape's worst memory. Explicit. 2.7k words.

Snape returns to his dungeon to find Harry snooping through his private thoughts in his personal pensieve. After throwing the brat out, he checks how much of his worst memory Harry witnessed before pausing to watch the remainder himself.

June 1976

It was the worst day of Severus' life. Taunted by a gang of Gryffindors, then he wrecks everything with her. To top it all off he is taunted in the middle of his misery by his own house prefect Lucius Malfoy. Can his day get any worse?

https://archiveofourown.org/works/50934349

Snamione fics

Heavenly Hallows. Explicit. 4k words. Hermione desperately needs to relieve some tension, but her usual masseuse has closed their business to go travelling. Luna recommends a discrete practitioner on Knockturn Alley who offers a 'Heavenly Hallows' treatment with full body cloak wrap, hot stone massage and a rather novel wand therapy. Will it be what Hermione is looking for?https://archiveofourown.org/works/51163552

Lucissa fics

On Point. Teen. 300 words. Draco is sick of standing by while his Father parades his 'private sessions' with his personal trainer under his Mother's nose. Determined to expose what really goes on behind closed doors he borrows Harry's invisibility cloak to get to the bottom of matters. https://archiveofourown.org/works/51429127

WORKS/ SERIES IN PROGRESS

Lumione fics

Of Potions and Purebloods. Explicit. 6k words. ***WIP*** Hermione Granger and Lucius Malfoy are matched up by the new Marriage Law. Will Hermione even speak to Lucius, and will he pick marrying a mudblood or returning to Azkaban? Their mutual friends, newlyweds Severus and Harry, mediate between the two warring parties to try to negotiate a compromise both of them can accept. https://archiveofourown.org/works/52383196/chapters/132514348

Draco/mystery character fic

Portrait. Explicit. 3.7k words. ***WIP*** Draco inherits the Malfoy Lordship after his father dies saving him in the Battle of Hogwarts. He is left to restore the family name and fortunes, taking over malfoy enterprises. His father's study had always been a mystery to him, and with the inheritance of the Lordship ring he is now able to access all the secrets contained within. What will Draco learn about his family, and what will he learn about himself https://archiveofourown.org/works/514496539653

The Lotus series

Growing- Romione pairing. Explicit. 6.9k words. Part 1 of the Lotus series. COMPLETE

Hermione loves to kick back on a Friday night with her friends and a glass of wine. Luna notices something is wrong tonight, and does her best to help her friend through.

A tale of young love, first times, and growing up for the Golden Trio.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/49913794/chapters/126012496

2. Blossoming- multi pairing fic. Explicit. 6k words. Part 2 of the Lotus series. ***WIP***

It had been a year since Hermione and Ron split up, and while he had moved on (several times), she had been almost celibate since.

Luna offers Hermione a way to get past from her dry spell, by offering to introduce her to a select members only club with a stringent privacy policy, and a Legilimens to assist new members in finding others who match their interests, rather than the standard dating profile forms.

Hermione isn't at all interested in her love life, but the prospect of finding a powerful Legilimens in Britain for the first time since the war is too enticing to resist. Could she find someone to help her reverse the damage she inflicted on her parents' minds? Is it worth risking Obliviation herself if she decides the club is not for her?

https://archiveofourown.org/works/51176419/chapters/129308719

[osunism]

2, 3, 4, 5, 7, 9, 11, 12, 14, 16, 17, 19, 21, 32, 35, 37, 40, 41, 42, 45, 54, 55, 59, 61, 63, 66, 75 and 77 for the Fanfic Writer Asks. I know there are too many, sorry! 🥺🙏🏻

Oh wow! These are a lot but I will take great pride and joy in answering them. Thanks for giving me something to think about!

2. Do you plan each chapter ahead or write as you go?

It's a little bit of both, honestly. Lately I have been practicing being more deliberate and planning my stories more thoroughly as oppose to just writing and posting without thinking. Apparently this has had a positive effect. I get more comprehensive feedback on my writing than I ever have.

3. Describe the creative process of writing a chapter/fic.

Generally I do what I call the "bookend method." That is, I usually have the first and last chapter planned out. I know how I wanna start, and I know how I wanna end. And I recently started imposing chapter limits on myself so each chapter is basically like a scene from a play in how I plan it. That is, I know who I want to include in each chapter, the general subject being covered in the chapter, etc.

4. Where do you find inspiration for new ideas?

Music. I am a maladaptive daydreamer since I was 6 years old. Scenes have been turning in my head since I was cognizant enough to remember. Eventually the scenes spin into full stories. Of course, I read widely and often as well and get inspired to cook up my own ideas.

5. Do you like constructive criticism?

When I ask for it, yeah. I don't like when people just assume I want it because the comments tended to get a lil' disrespectful back in the day when I allowed that. Everyone's version of constructive criticism is different. To that end, if we have established a rapport, I welcome it. Everybody else: talk to me nice or not at all!

7. How do you choose which POV to write from?

It depends on how deep inside of a character [heh] I want or need to get. I used to be a die-hard first-person POV writer. But lately it's third-person limited.

9. Do you comment on stories you read?

I try to. I usually want to make my comments more than the usual flailing and emojis and memes. I want to leave substantial evidence as to why I enjoyed the fic, how it made me feel, etc. And I'm very good about it these days.

11. Link your three favorite fics right now.

I'll do my faves:

Beneath the Silk by @phyx-m - Sukuna x f!Reader; I describe it as a dark and bloody Beauty & the Beast, only you're not really sure who the beast is in this situation. It's so good and Sukuna is so darkly seductive and menacing all throughout.

Academic Affairs by ChocolateGranola - Sukuna x Gojo AU where they are academic rivals-to-lovers. I'm riveted.

Kindred Spirits by SkipGabe - A Sukuna x OC fic with super cool lore, great worldbuilding, and a very cool take on Sukuna's origins.

Monster Hospital by mushmoon12 - A Gojo x Reader-ish fic that is most assuredly enemies-to-lovers-to-enemies-to-??? and it's an emotional rollercoaster.

Like Silk by satans_onlyfans - A Sukuna x Reader-ish fic that...well. Let's just say there's more than one Vessel.

Cor Unum by @vampyrsm - Sukuna x Reader-ish fic that can only be described as a fucking masterpiece from start to finish. I would say this fic and Beneath the Silk are in conversation with one another thematically, and the exploration of Sukuna is so well-done. It does have dead dove elements so be forewarned.

The Tragedy of a Duality by @katerina-marie - a Gojo x Reader x Sukuna fic that...well it's in the title. I recommend all this author's JJK stuff but this one was an absolute standout for me.

Infidelity by @tawus - A Gojo x Reader fic where Gojo proceeds to cause the most emotional distress I have ever seen just because Reader wanted to go out to the club. I don't wanna spoil too much but oh my god. Seriously, a masterpiece.

Sweet Little Lies by mooglepaws - A Toji x Reader and Reader x adult!Megumi non-curse!AU where Reader makes the best most horrible decision. The smut in this fic is astoundingly hot. Like maybe don't read this one in public.

12. How does receiving or not receiving feedback/support impact you?

I used to let it get to me when I didn't get feedback on my fics, but I really do mean what I say when I say I write for myself. The stories I create for free are first and foremost for my enjoyment. That other people connect with and enjoy them too is now a bonus. I appreciate the feedback and support, but I will continue to write irrespective of receiving either. That being said, I won't lie and say getting feedback and support definitely helps motivate me to continue as much as my usual methods. :D

14. How do you write emotional scenes? Do you ever feel what the characters feel? Do you draw from personal experiences?

I draw from personal experience. When I want to evoke a certain emotion, I visit a memory of my own that evokes the exact shade of that emotion I want to paint on the page. I have...a lot of experience with some of the emotions that make more appearances in my fic than others.

16. How many fic ideas are you nurturing right now? Share one of them?

I've got quite a few. Let's crack open the Scrivener document.

This is currently every single fanfic project I currently have in rotation. This is levels of brainrot I haven't had since Dragon Age, and I have 60 published fics for that fandom. I have a lot of thoughts about this fucking manga/anime.

17. What do you do when writing becomes difficult? (maybe a lack of inspiration or writers block)

When I want to be inspired, I read. When I want to create, I write. Sometimes it's necessary to read and let my brain process and enjoy being a reader for a while rather than constantly thinking about writing [which my brain perceives as a problem that needs solving].

19. What is the most-used tag on your AO3?

Original Female Character, probably.

21. Would you ever collaborate with another writer for a story?

I have! While it was me commissioning the author for a story I created, we consider it a collaborative effort as we worked together every step of the way getting the story just right, and it featured my character in my continuity. I had hoped to be able to do this with more artists and writers in the future but the JJK fandom is...insular. I had plans for a little project featuring stories and art in my 'verse. There's writers whose writing styles I really enjoy and I would love to collab with them. :D

32. Name three of your favorite fanfic writers.

@phyx-m

@septembersums

@tawus

And this isn't to exclude other authors I read [I have a very exhaustive list, actually], but these are my three faves for their portrayal of my favorite canon characters, their premises, and their prose.

35. What is one essential thing to remember when writing a villain?

They don't always have to have redeeming qualities for you to relate to them. It's okay to like that piece of shit for being a piece of shit.

37. How do you choose where to end a chapter?

Usually I treat it like a thesis paper. The chapter covers a specific subject and has a specific goal. I end the chapter when those objectives are met.

40. If someone were to make fanart of your work, what fic or scene would you hope to see?

There's a scene in Daughter of Disgrace where Yuji and Sundari get caught in Sukuna's domain. Sundari covers Yuji with her body and hugs him close while she casts her version of Hollow Wicker Basket, called Lakshmi's Lotus. It functions the same way as Falling Blossom Emotion in that it reduces the lethality of the domain. The Lotus technique layers this barrier and requires a lot of cursed energy. She was able to keep Yuji and herself safe for the duration of the domain [99 seconds].

The other scene is from the same fic, when Nadja...does what she does and shocks Sukuna.

41. Do you tend to reread fics or are you a one-and-done kind of person?

I honestly used to be one and done, but lately there's been some writers who have been knocking it out of the park with crafting stories that I love coming back to again and again. It might be the prose, the premise, the smut, whatever it is...I keep it in my bookmarks for a reason.

42. What’s the last fic you read? Do you recommend it?

The last fic I read was the Daddy Duty series by @sandwitchstories.

I highly recommend it if you like Dad!Kuna headcanons and fics. I have been craving some soft and wholesome Sukuna lately [and been too lazy to write it], so I was delighted when this popped up in my personal Sukuna feed on BlueSky. :D

45. Do you want to break your readers‘ heart or make them laugh?

My hope as a writer is to be able to do both, sometimes back to back.

54. What’s your favorite part about the fanfiction writing process?

When I get to write That One Scene™️ that's been rattling around in my brain for what feels like forever.

55. Of the characters you write for, which is your favorite? Has that choice been swayed at all by your followers/readers’ reactions to certain ones?

Nadja is my all-time favorite OC I've ever created. As I've said before, I don't get a lot of feedback on my work outside of my Dragon Age fics. Nadja is my favorite OC because she's complex. She's not very likeable [she's a terrible parent and literally kills for money], she is hedonistic, and she tends to be very self-serving. Something kind of fun writing a character like that. Honorable mention to Sundari because I love writing a tough, strong girl who kicks ass and has a bad attitude.

59. Does anyone in your personal life know you write fic? if not, would you tell anyone?

Literally everyone in my life knows I write fic. Whether I allow them access to those fics is another matter. My parents used to catch me reading/writing smutty fanfic when I was in high school so...yeah. Imagine how they feel now that I'm a published writer with a proper degree and everything. Let the kids read/write their fic!

61. Why do you continue writing fics?

It's so fun! I love making my favorite characters smooch my OCs.

63. Something you hate to see in smut.

Cervix abuse. Y'all. Please. That shit is not fun in real life, I promise. A few little taps, yeah, but constant bruising? NO PLEASE NO.

That being said, I know how to hunt for the good smut.

66. How do you deal with writing pressure (ie. pressure to update, negative comments, deadlines, etc.)?

I don't feel any pressure because I get no traction on my fics like that to feel like I need to update on any kind of schedule. So I write and publish whenever I feel like it.

75. What scene in [Fanfic Name] took the longest to write? What was difficult about it?

Since you didn't specify a fic name, I will pick one! Daughter of Disgrace, you're up!

The scene that took the longest for me to write was in chapter 11. Saddest thing I have ever written in years, I literally cried several times writing it, editing it, rereading it, posting it, etc. Sukuna and Sundari and Nadja deserved better than the hand fate dealt them.

77. Do you have a favorite scene you’ve written from [Fanfic Name] story/chapter?

Favorite scene I've written from Daughter of Disgrace? There are so many! I really put my heart into that fic and I have so many favorite moments I revisit. There's the scene where Sundari and Gojo kill the higher ups together. Then there's the whole birthday party. The Shinjuku Showdown with Plot Twist was also fun as hell.

Honestly that whole fic was a good time start to finish.

𑁍 Fanfic Asks 𑁍

[elsecrytt]

Masterlist - JJK

WARNING: Some links contain explicit content. This is an 18+ blog. Interact appropriately.

Last updated - 12/15/2024

Kinktober

Virginity - Satoru/Reader

Aftercare - Satoru/Reader/Suguru

Conditioning - Suguru/Reader

Castration - Satoru/Reader

Cages - Satoru/Reader

Threesome - Satoru/Reader/Sukuna

Sensory Deprivation - Satoru/Reader

Fics

Professional (Nanami/Reader)

Kento Nanami is your OBGYN. The father... isn't present for this journey, but that's okay. Nanami always takes care of his patients.

Your Heart is Spilling Out, Babe (Satoru/Reader)

You and Satoru are friends with benefits. No feelings, that was the agreement from the start. Neither of you want anything more. Even if you did, it wouldn’t work out, anyways. Not that you care if it would.

Not wanted, only needed (Satoru/Reader)

Satoru Gojo is not wanted. Only needed. He's there to be used, not loved. But not to you. Never to you.

Touch-starved masochist Gojo (Character study)

Satoru Gojo is starved for touch, in love with pain. He is (not) okay.

Miniseries

Housekeeper

Price Spike (Satoru/Reader)

You are Satoru Gojo's housekeeper. He's such a fucking asshole, but you need this job. And your rent just went up...

Work is Getting Better (Satoru/Reader)

Satoru Gojo, your boss and probably the weirdest guy you know, is finally made to understand the value of your homemade meals <3

Thoughts/Ramblings/Ficlets

Barista!Reader vs Gojo

Duality (trimunitive?) of different JJK men doing somno (Gojo, Nanami, Geto)

Corruption Kink with Yanderes

Slut on Slut Violence (emotionally)

Asks

Professional BDSM Dominatrix reader VS Satoru and Suguru's toxic relationship

Daddy Suguru? More likely than you think

Suguru Geto's unmatched oral prowess

Is Sukuna a masochist? Come on, you know the answer to this one...

What if...

Curse Technique where you can transform into other people

Curse Technique where love conquers all <3

Curse Technique where they fall in love with you BUT...

Chapter 236 is elaborate propaganda to protect a now de-powered Satoru Gojo in this essay I will...

[inawickedlittletown]

Don't Make A Shadow Of Yourself (BuckTommy fic) - 9/12

Summary: "A man who's pure of heart...may still become a wolf when the autumn moon is bright" - Howl (F+TM)

BuckTommy Werewolf AU. Throughout most of his adult life, Tommy had dealt with what he was. The duality of being a man and also an animal…a beast. Werewolves weren’t born, they were made. 

Words: 3,850

Read on Ao3

Chapter One - Chapter Two - Chapter Three

Chapter Four - Chapter Five - Chapter Six

Chapter Seven - Chapter Eight

-

Chapter Nine

Arms wrapped around Buck’s middle over the apron he’d thrown on before he started cooking. Tommy’s chin dropped to his shoulder and Buck leaned back into the strong chest behind him. 

“I don’t know what smells better,” Tommy said, voice low.

“Hmm?” 

Tommy responded by giving Buck a sniff. Buck couldn’t help but laugh. Tommy’s hold on him tightened for a moment before he kissed Buck’s neck and let go. Buck couldn’t deny that it felt hard to get back to cooking when he knew that Tommy was within reach. But, he’d promised to cook for Tommy for their third date — Buck was counting the two of them hanging out and making out on his couch after the hang out at Hen and Karen’s as the second date — and he was not going to burn down their food. Especially not when it had taken them almost a full two weeks to find the time for this date to take place. 

“How can I help?” Tommy asked. 

“Open the wine?” 

Buck meanwhile got busy with plating up the chicken stirfry. It had seemed like one of the easiest and tastiest dishes to make, especially since Buck had finally perfected making rice. It didn’t take long for them to be seated. 

“This looks amazing,” Tommy said. “Thank you for doing all this.” 

“I enjoyed doing this for us,” Buck said. 

Tommy ducked his head. No one would ever think that a man like Tommy could be bashful or lack confidence because he didn’t come off that way. As far as Buck was concerned, it was because Tommy hid it well. He just tended to drop those walls around Buck and Buck appreciated that more than anything, he knew how hard it was to open up to be vulnerable. 

“How did it go with Maddie today?” Tommy asked. 

The wedding was drawing ever near and Buck had jumped in to help Maddie with anything she still needed help with. In a little over a week their parents were arriving and considering the full moon, Buck was going to do his best to put his distance between them. A part of him kind of hated that Maddie was still trying to have any kind of relationship with them, to expose Jee to them. He always had to remind himself that he had a very different relationship with his parents than the one that Maddie had with them. 

“She finally settled on the flowers,” Buck said. “I never knew she could be so picky about flowers.” 

“It’s a wedding, Evan. Brides get picky about everything.” 

Buck nodded slowly. “I know. I mean her last wedding wasn’t anything like this…none of us were even there. I don’t think I ever want to have a huge wedding like this.”

Tommy paused, fork halfway to his mouth. He coughed. 

Buck knew he was blushing and it wasn’t fair how easily Tommy could cause him to blush. 

“Is that a hint for the future?” Tommy asked, carefully. “I mean, we’re nowhere near marriage but—”

Buck reached over to hit his shoulder lightly. “No. Just in general…why throw such a lavish party when the thing that matters is really the start of the marriage. I think Maddie got swept up in the whole thing and I don’t blame her exactly.” 

“Big party doesn’t mean they’re not both equally if not more excited about what comes next.” 

Buck took a bite of his food. The strange part of it was that he could see him and Tommy lasting. It was far too early to think it, much less voice it, and yet it was there. Their connection. They were literally in the middle of their second date, but it felt like they had been together longer than that. It felt like they were meant to be together maybe even forever. 

“Hey,” Buck said. 

“Yeah?” 

“Do you want to be my date to the wedding?” 

Tommy stared at him, a little surprised, but Buck could tell that he was pleased by the question. 

“I know Chim invited you, but I want to sit with you and I want to dance with you and I don’t want to hide this. So, what do you say to our next date being my sister’s wedding?” 

Tommy chuckled, and he reached his hand out to Buck. “I want to say yes, but a week ago you warned me off your parents.”

And Buck still hadn’t told him about them. He hadn’t had the time or known just quite how to explain. He had fully planned to when they got to his place that other night, but they’d both been a little distracted. Buck couldn’t even remember what movie they had tried to watch, though he did remember the taste of Tommy’s lips and his neck. 

“I’m not worried about them finding out I’m dating a guy,” Buck said. “I don’t know how they’ll react about it and I don’t care.”

Tommy looked at him, took in Evan’s determination. So he nodded. “Sure. I’ll be your date.”

Evan smiled really wide. Even his eyes looked like they were shinning. 

“You really don’t care what your parents will say?” Tommy asked. 

“I don’t.”

“But it matters if they find out you’re a Werewolf,” Tommy said. 

Buck nodded. He tightened his grip on Tommy’s hand. Gulped. Then: “My parents are hunters,” Buck said. 

“Hunters as in…” Tommy trailed off. 

“As in Werewolf hunters,” Buck said. 

“That’s a real thing,” Tommy said as if Buck were talking about Santa Claus or Bigfoot. 

He watched Tommy as he processed the information. It wasn’t the easiest thing to understand. Even Buck still grappled with it. After leaving them behind, he’d never quite left behind the worry for what they might be up to. There was never concrete proof as far as he could tell and when the Werewolf Division did nothing about it, Buck had sort of figured there had to be a reason. 

Buck still remembered when he told Eddie. It was right before his parents came out to see Maddie when she was pregnant. Buck had wanted Eddie to be careful just in case and he himself had had to keep himself in check the whole time. They had made it extremely difficult, and Buck had only showed up because Maddie was begging him to. He’d almost lost it with them a few times and he was lucky they hadn’t figured him out from that alone, but he would have been justified for the things they’d kept from him. He would have been justified if he just wolfed out and proved to them the monstrous side of a Werewolf. Somehow, he’d been able to hold it in. It had gone better the second time they came — of course he’d been in a coma for a part of that and they’d been busy getting to know Jee Yun. 

“Evan, where did you go just now? You said they don’t know you are a Werewolf.”

“They don’t,” Buck said. “I just…I know what they’ve done to Werewolves. I found out when I was a kid. Eleven or so. I didn’t know until a few years ago why.”

Tommy’s hand gave his hand a reassuring squeeze. “You don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to.”

Buck shook his head. He hated thinking about it, about the way that it had messed him up and how he had wanted absolutely nothing to do with his parents afterwards. Still didn’t. Their apologies and explanations hadn’t meant much to Buck then and they hadn’t meant much when he saw them again the second time they came to visit. Maddie could keep her relationship with them — Buck wouldn’t tell her not to — but he couldn’t. He knew she was conflicted too, but for Maddie it was a bit different. After the wedding, unless Maddie asked him to, Buck didn’t think he would actually see his parents again. 

“I want to,” Buck said. 

Tommy nodded. “Alright.” 

“I had a brother,” Buck said. “His name was Daniel.” 

Tommy looked at him with a confused expression. Buck almost laughed. 

“It’s relevant,” Buck said and he reached for his wine glass to take a few sips. He focused on tasting the wine, but also on Tommy’s thumb on the back of his hand. 

“Okay. So, you had a brother.”

“I didn’t know about Daniel until a few years ago. I don’t think my parents would have ever told me about him. Maddie kept it from me as well…but it came out and the reason I never knew about him was that he died.”

“Oh, Evan,” Tommy said. 

It was strange, was the thing. Like mourning a stranger because he’d never known Daniel and he’d never known anything other than the way that he grew up with Maddie and distracted, traumatized parents who never moved past their grief and excused their actions with it. He felt something like sadness for a boy that never got to grow up, but he never knew him.

“He was diagnosed with Leukemia,” Buck continued. “My parents were desperate and so when it turned out neither them or Maddie were bone marrow matches they, uh, they—”

“They had you,” Tommy filled in. “You were a savior sibling.”

Buck nodded. He still didn’t quite know how to feel about it. He imagined that if it had worked out things would have been different. Maybe he would have been there as spare parts whenever his brother needed them — or perhaps even vice versa considering who Buck was. Instead, his parents had seen the whole thing as an effort to save Daniel that failed and maybe they had never fully seen Buck as more than that even when he wasn’t to blame. Not a replacement son, not the kid they wanted, but the failed experiment. 

“It didn’t work,” Buck said. “Well, Maddie got to look at the paperwork from the hospital so he rejected the bone marrow. It, uh, it didn’t matter in the end.” 

“Evan, I am so sorry,” Tommy said. 

Buck gulped. He looked at the remaining food on the table, but neither of them seemed to be interested in eating anything else. 

“So, Daniel died?” 

“Uh. Yeah. Yeah, he did. But not because he was sick. Daniel died from a Werewolf attack,” Buck said. 

Tommy looked exactly like someone that had just gotten punched completely out of the blue. It was the twist that Buck hadn’t seen coming when Maddie finally explained everything. Buck had been so angry with her. Because it was one thing when he knew that the older brother that he didn’t know existed had died while sick, it was another to find out that he’d been killed. Attacked. By a Werewolf no less. 

“What?” Tommy asked. 

“I don’t know how it happened. They didn’t explain and Maddie doesn’t know, but he got attacked. Mauled. According to Maddie there was so little left of him that they couldn’t even have a proper funeral for him.”

“And they became Werewolf Hunters,” Tommy said. 

“Yes,” Buck said. “I, uh, I reported them to the Werewolf Division of Pennsylvania when I left but clearly nothing happened. It’s not like the Division ever warned about hunters.”

“No they don’t,” Tommy said thoughtfully. “I didn’t know actual hunters existed.” 

—

In all his time as a Werewolf, Tommy had never known that Werewolf hunters were a thing. No Werewolf that he had ever met before had mentioned them and neither had the division. Evan’s story, the full explanation for why he was acting the way he was about his parents, it hurt. It hurt because it hurt Evan. He could tell that there was a deep scar left behind on Evan due to all of it. Because while Evan hadn’t said it, it had been there in the way he talked about them. They had never cherished him or loved him the way that he deserved. Instead, their grief had led them to hunt the very thing that Evan would become. 

If it were up to Tommy they would be kept far far away from Evan. Tommy could hardly understand how Evan had any type of contact with them and worse why Maddie would be okay with bringing them anywhere near Evan knowing what he was and what they were. 

“What?” Evan asked. 

“Your sister is okay with all this?”

“Uh, what do you mean?”

Tommy stared at him incredulously. “First I just thought you had a bad relationship with them, but now that I know it’s this I just…how is she still okay with them being a literal threat to your life?” 

Tommy didn’t know Maddie that well, but he’d always gotten the sense that she and Evan were close. Howie was clearly marrying her for a reason. She wasn’t bad people. The opposite, in fact. So this didn’t make sense to Tommy.  

Evan took a breath. “Maddie was there when Daniel died. She was there when he got sick and she was there when he died. I think she understands it differently. It’s not that she agrees with them, and she wouldn’t let them do anything to hurt me…they’re still our parents.”

There was something absolutely misguided about it. Then again, Tommy’s own family life was better left in the past. He couldn’t help his own very protective feelings about Evan, though. They had been horrible parents and as far as he was concerned horrible people too. 

“I don’t think I can understand that, not when they’re what you’re saying they are. Evan, they hurt people…they’ve done more than that.” 

Evan hung his head. “I know. I know.”

“Why are they allowed to get away with that?” 

“I don’t know,” Evan said. “The Division did nothing about them when I gave them a warning. I’m afraid to ask why they did nothing.”

Tommy frowned. “Evan, how many people have they hurt?”

“I don’t know,” Evan said. “I don’t want to know.” 

Tommy didn’t want to step on any toes, he didn’t want to force Evan to do anything he might not want to do, but that didn’t mean that any of this was okay and looking at Evan, he was sure that he would agree. 

“Have you ever told Athena?”

“Not in full,” Buck said. “Eddie knows. They all know I don’t get along with them but I’ve never…”

“Maybe you should.”

“I kept up with news from Hershey for a while,” Evan said, he looked a little far away. “Wanted to see if any suspicious deaths were ever reported. That type of thing. I think it made me feel better when I didn’t see any. Some of the missing person reports haunted me, though. Sometimes I tried to figure out if they were Werewolves or not.”

“Evan,” Tommy said. 

Evan’s eyes shot to him. 

“Evan, you aren’t to blame for what they’ve done.” 

“I could have done more to stop them.” 

Tommy shook his head. “No. They could have handled things better. They could have put all the energy they put into hunting to being yours and Maddie’s parents. And I really…I hate to question Maddie’s reasons but why is she bringing them back into your lives like this.” 

From how Tommy had understood it, both Maddie and Evan had left their parents behind. Maddie to marry the first husband that didn’t turn out to be a good guy, and Evan to wander the country until he found a place on the other side of the country to settle down in. 

“When Maddie got pregnant she felt like she needed to tell them,” Evan said. “I hated her for saying anything to them. It was covid, too, so I guess maybe that made her look at things differently. Plus, she knew them differently. Knew them before Daniel died. She’s not a Werewolf either so…”

“None of that makes it okay,” Tommy said. 

Evan finished the wine in his glass. “I guess I decided to just let her have them as long as I wasn’t involved. It’s how I even found out about Daniel in the first place. Maddie was pregnant and I didn’t want to add to her stress, but I didn’t speak to her for a week.”

Tommy could see how conflicted Evan was. It was the thing that allowed him to not push and to keep to himself how offended he felt on Evan’s behalf. 

“So that’s my parents,” Evan said. “The whole story. They tried to teach me their ways, it’s how I got so interested in Werewolves. They just never wanted to hear anything I said about them, not when it contradicted their whole belief system.” 

Evan stood up, then. Tommy reluctantly let go of his hand. 

“We should clean up,” Evan said and it felt like a way to put an end to the subject. 

Tommy didn’t mind. He liked that Evan had felt like he could share with him, that Tommy could handle the baggage of Evan’s family life. One day, Tommy would tell him all about his parents. How his dad had expected certain things from him and how his mother hadn’t really cared about anything including Tommy. But that would be a different day. 

Together they cleaned up the table and then did dishes and put away leftovers. Tommy loved every second of it. The way that they brushed past each other and how they would linger in each other’s space. The way that Evan kissed his cheek in passing or swatted his ass with a kitchen towel. 

It lifted the gloom of their earlier conversation, dropping them back into the ease of how they were with each other. The warmth and the comfort and the acceptance.  

Afterwards, they went out to the terrace, each of them holding a glass of wine. It was nice and windy out, the night dark but the light pollution from the city would never let them see more than the moon and maybe the shinier planets. Back when he was still with the 118, Tommy had often gone out to a spot outside of LA to stare at the sky. He didn’t really study astronomy enough to know the constellations really well, but he could admire the beauty nonetheless. He could also admire the moon. 

“No one knows why she affects us like she does,” Evan said as he sat down. “There was a book I read once that called it a curse, something that tied Werewolves to the moon that also made us possible. That book said a lot of things.”

“Yeah, like what?” 

Evan was blushing, he could see it even in the dim light as he moved the chair closer to Evan’s before he sat down. 

“It, uh, it talked about the usual things. Silver. The moon. Packs. Alphas. It also talked about mates.”

“Mates?” Tommy repeated. 

“It’s all story,” Evan said. “I’m sure you’ve come across it. Just that some Werewolves find strong compatibility with other Werewolves. They could form a kind of magical bond or something, a thing that linked them. The book called them mates. It also said that packs had to have an Alpha and that’s definitely not a thing. It’s not even a thing among regular wolves.” 

Tommy frowned at Evan. “It isn’t?” 

Evan shook his head. “Only when wolves are studied in captivity. Out in the wild, most packs are just a family. They’re all related wolves and if there is leadership it’s the parents of all the baby wolves — the male and female wolf of breeding age. You know, it’s kind of the reason they mate for life. In captivity, they’re not studying a pack as much as individual wolves thrown together. Why wouldn’t there be a fight to be on top. Wolves aren’t solitary and Werewolves certainly aren’t.”

“No we’re not,” Tommy agreed. “That’s interesting, though.” 

“What?” 

“Everything. Wouldn’t be the worst thing to have a mate.” 

Evan laughed, but he gave a short nod. His cheeks were still pink. If Werewolves actually did have mates, there was no doubt in Tommy’s mind that his would have been Evan. 

“There’s this book series about Werewolves,” Evan said. “Wolfsong is the first book. Each of the Werewolves meets their mate and it’s like this crazy strong connection. There’s so much that the author gets wrong and yet there’s things he gets really right too.” 

“Oh?” Tommy asked. 

“You’d probably like it, come to think of it. I only picked it up because I was consuming everything Werewolf at one point, even this Werewolf romance,” Evan said and then he laughed. 

“What?” 

“It’s just…I never thought about it but I think all the wolves in the book are queer. How did I not remember that…”

Tommy was suddenly a lot more interested. He was definitely more of a movie or tv-show kinda guy, but he picked up a book here or there when someone recommended it. Usually it was a thriller that Melton or one of the others at the 217 were obsessing over. As much as he loved a romcom, it just felt different to read romance especially when it was het and even more so when it got more graphic than was necessary. The last few years had brought more quality lgbtq books and Tommy had a small pile of books for when he had nothing left to watch or re-watch. He’d be adding this Werewolf book to his list. In fact, he pulled his phone out to look it up. 

“What are you doing?” 

“Looking for that series.” 

He found it after a quick google search and turned immediately to Evan. “This was written by TJ Klune.” 

“I guess so,” Evan said. “I didn’t remember the author.” 

“He wrote one of my favorite books,” Tommy said. “I have no idea how I didn’t know about this series.”

“I have a feeling I’m going to lose you for a little while to reading,” Evan said and when Tommy looked at him, he was pouting.  

“Not if you get busy reading The House In The Cerulean Sea,” Tommy pointed out. “But neither of us has a book in front of us now.” 

Evan hummed. “We don’t,” he said and then drained the last of his wine. 

Tommy did the same and he didn’t mind when Evan moved his chair so they were pressed together, or how he linked their hands. With his free hand, Evan caught Tommy’s face, thumb sweeping over Tommy’s lips and down his chin to his cleft before Evan leaned in, slanting his lips over Tommy’s. The angle wasn’t comfortable with the way they were sitting, but tasting Evan’s lips would be worth any aches and pains. 

Evan pulled back a moment later, but his gaze was glued to Tommy and his hand went down from Tommy’s cheek to his jaw to his neck and then to rest over Tommy’s chest where his heart was beating a bit faster than normal. They both leaned in, their lips meeting again. The kiss was sweet, it was deep, and Tommy could taste the last dredges of wine in Evan’s mouth.

[eggymf-archived]

of paper planes and wildflowers; masterlist

ft. ominis gaunt with f!reader

themes: enemies to lovers, strangers to lovers, anonymous pen pals, fluff, angst, ravenclaw!reader, reader is not mc, reader is in 5th year (loosely follows the canon plotline)

warning: nsfw, smut, non-specified ages, not spoiler-free

summary: it was the most random idea you’ve ever had: you were going to send a random letter to a random person, and you were going to let your poor owl bring it to its random person of choice. who would’ve thought your silly little random letter would end up in the hands of the boy you’ve been secretly hate fucking a month ago.

main masterlist || AO3 || wattpad

a/n: typically updated every two weeks/twice a month for now. i don’t have a solid posting schedule since i only write whenever i have spare time. please do note that the number of parts may get increased or decreased. chapter titles are also subjected to change as i deem fit. ;)

main storyline:

chapter 1 - liquid luck? or liquid fuck 🔞

chapter 2 - what a mess! 🔞

chapter 3 - the wingman with wings

chapter 4 - an adventurer’s whims

chapter 5 - did i?

chapter 6 - blurred lines 🔞

chapter 7 - denial and desires 🔞

chapter 8 - carpe diem 

chapter 9 - uncontrollably fond

chapter 10 - desiderata

chapter 11 - the duality of man

chapter 12 - the art of subtlety

chapter 13 - a hideout within a hideout 🔞

chapter 14 - in plain sight

chapter 15 - tba...

[ more chapters to come... ]

extras: 

a/n: one-shots, blurbs, writing practice, moodboards, ocs, etc.

the stars of dawn and dusk (ominis gaunt x f!reader; tudor au)

update [6/30/2023]: due to sudden changes in plot and future plans, this series will have more chapters (possibly around 25-ish?) and a possible sequel. 

[sunnydaleherald]

The Sunnydale Herald Newsletter, Sunday, November 24th

Cordelia: Why is it always virgin women who have to do the sacrificing? Wesley: For purity, I suppose. Cordelia: This has nothing to do with purity. This is all about dominance, buddy. You can bet if someone ordered a male body part for religious sacrifice the world would be atheist (snaps her fingers) like that.

~~The Shroud of Rahmon~~

[Drabbles & Short Fiction]

A New Dawn in LA by crowncitydreams (Angel & Dawn, G)

[Chaptered Fiction]

Heartless, Chapter 12 by LSquared1501 (Buffy/Angel, T)

A Reincarnation in Sunnydale, Chapter 56 by DracoRim98 (Buffy/Angel, M)

The Right Swipe, Chapter 16 by DancingAngel0013 (Giles/Buffy, E)

After Life, Chapter 13 by Alwaysandforevermylove (Buffy/Faith, E)

Thin White Duke, Chapter 23 by CorsetedPrincess (Willow/Tara, Harry Potter crossover, not rated)

Forged in shadows, Chapter 9 by CloudSeeker (Angel/Lindsey, E)

The Prophecy, Chapter 5 by bookxish (Buffy/Angel, E)

Okay Dad, Chapter 4 by Work (Giles & Scoobies, T)

Opposite Attraction, Chapter 3 by MamaBewear (Angel/Spike, T)

Smoke and Leather, Chapter 9 by EagleAlwaysFliesAlone (Spike/OC, M)

For Science, Chapter 1 by mattilamb (Buffy/Riley, E)

Falling Into Darkness, Chapter 1 by FriedaBerlinFan (Spike/OC, not rated)

I noticed I had butterflies again, but this time I realised what was causing them, Chapters 1-2 by ImALeafOnTheWind (Willow/Tara, T)

The Transfer, Chapter 8 by Blackmysteria (Buffy/Spike, R)

Guitar Villain, Chapter 7 by RavenLove12 (Buffy/Spike, NC-17)

Incarnate, Chapter 23 by Sigyn (Buffy/Spike, NC-17)

The Degradation of Duality [Series Part 2], Chapter 63 by Ragini (Buffy/Spike, NC-17)

The Great Escape from Oz, Chapter 8 by Melme1325 (Buffy/Spike, NC-17)

Be Back Before Dawn, Chapter 18 by Blissymbolics (Buffy/Spike, NC-17)

Sold Out, Chapter 8 by Melme1325 (Buffy/Spike, NC-17)

Ties to the World, Chapter 38 by The Danish Bird (Buffy/Spike, NC-17)

Let's Casually Change the Timeline, Chapter 4 by ClowniestLivEver (Buffy/Spike, PG-13)

Perfect Clarity, Chapter 30 (complete!) by VeroNyxK84 (Buffy/Spike, R)

[Images, Audio & Video]

Artwork: Anya, Buffy, Drusilla, Dawn by x66r9u (worksafe)

Photo edits: Angel and Willow by kishinuma-yoshiki (worksafe)

Cosplay: vampire Willow by lauren-delorean (worksafe)

Comic video: Buffy Season 8 Episode 23 Preview Buffy VS Simone by Game Series

Fanvid: Buffy & Spike Channel - 1Million Views by Buffy & Spike Channel

Fanvid: Buffy & Angel || Hey mama by Wanda Snow

Fanvid: Spike & Buffy | Beautiful Trauma by KcchameleonProdz

Fanvid: Harmony & Drusilla (Spike+ Buffy) | Before he cheats by Tara's_Willowverse

Fanvid: Buffy the Vampire Slayer | Dancing Queen by Tara's_Willowverse

Fanvid: Buffy e Angel {AMV} Million to one//Camila Cabello by Vanessa Machado

Fanvid: Buffy the Vampire Slayer | Shake it off by Tara's_Willowverse

Fanvid: Waka waka | Buffythe Vampire Slayer | Comedy video by Tara's_Willowverse

Fanvid: Buffy the Vampire Slayer | House of Memories by Tara's_Willowverse

Fanvid: Tara x Willow | Buffy x Angel | Señorita by Tara's_Willowverse

Fanvid: Spike - Immortals by William Pratt

Vidlet: Buffy the Vampire Slayer | Warriors | Final battle by Tara's_Willowverse

Video: Editing random Buffy the Vampire Slayer scenes! | Part one by Tara's_Willowverse

Video: Editing random scenes from Buffy the Vampire Slayer | Part two by Tara's_Willowverse

Video: Editing random scenes from Buffy the Vampire Slayer! | Part four by Tara's_Willow

Video: Buffy the Vampire Slayer Season 4 Opening Credits (Charmed Style) by Rotten Lemonade

Animation: Disney Channel Ribbon era: Buffy the Vampire Slayer next bumper #2 (FANMADE) by lovinthelawn

[Reviews & Recaps]

S5. Ep8. Shadow by becomingbuffypodcast

‘Listening to Fear’ by becomingbuffypodcast

One of the biggest faults of ‘Into the Woods’ by becomingbuffypodcast

S5. Ep11. Triangle by becomingbuffypodcast

Video: The Reckoning begins...and it took 12 years to get here by Matt Likes Comics

Video: S4E13: The I in Team by One Girl in All the World

Video: Buffy the Vampire Slayer (TV Series): Why Is It So Great? by Fangs and Folklore

Video: Dirty Girls-Slayer Sunday by Jane Talks Buffy

Video: Ted as Blue Beard - Bluebeard, Buffy, and the Beast by Fairy Tales and Fangs

Podcast: Buffy the Vampire Slayer: Season 3 Episode 8 - Lovers Walk - Audio-only by Sh*t 90s Shows Taught Me

Podcast: Episode 176: Buffy the Vampire Slayer (1997) by Queers Gone By with Caitlin Powell and Kate Butch

Podcast: Get It Done S7 E15 Buffy and the Art of Story by Lisa M. Lilly

Podcast: The Slay Lounge Podcast Buffy the Vampire Slayer Season 1, Episode 1 by PirateCorps Entertainment

Podcast: Once More, With Spoilers: 1.01 Welcome to the Hellmouth | A Buffy the Vampire Slayer Podcast by Buffering: A Rewatch Adventure

Podcast: Once More, With Spoilers: 1.02 The Harvest | A Buffy the Vampire Slayer Podcast by Buffering: A Rewatch Adventure

Podcast: Welcome To The Pilot (Buffy The Vampire Diaries, Staffel 1, Folge 1) by Buffy The Vampire Diaries (in German)

Podcast: Restless by Buffy the Vampire Straya

[Recs]

Vid rec: let go • connor & angel by Winterevanesce {Kitty} recced by Priceless

[Fandom Discussions]

why did they give connor newly out trans girl swag by all-seeing-ifer

thinking about making a pack au where they actually stick closer to hyenas than whatever the fuck they did in that episode by camellcat

i still think about dru killing kendra by drusill

buffy telling tara "i can't believe i let spike do those things to me" by lesbianmarrow and dykemarcille

i think oz had the funniest character arc on buffy the vampire slayer by gestaltthing

Five unpopular opinions about the Buffyverse by kyliafanfiction

Spike saying I don't want the world destroyed because I like what's in the world by imissthembutitwasntadisaster and magpie-trove

spike and buffy would go to gay bars with willow and tara to attend drag shows by selkiemaidenfae

So little makes sense - does S5 have the weakest written Big Bad storyline? continued by MoonLight SY-3

Any ideas on what could have been done with Doyle if Glenn Quinn wasn't fired? continued by multiple posters

The Other Hellmouth continued by vampmogs and Stoney

Season 4 of Angel by Remote_Cat_5155

Did Angel and Spike receive martial arts training? by FoxIndependent4310

Tara and Willow by Familiar_Recover8112

This Could be Incredibly Stupid but ... [Tara and Willow making The First corporeal] by Expert_Frosting_8920

Five Minutes in and Buffy’s Already Relatable (2x21) by STheUselessLesbian

Giles Murderer by RecentCash7142

Is there a scene where [Spike] says he's done being crazy? by AggressiveSea7035

Just watched Season 5 episode 10 [Into the Woods] by Specialist-Orchid-80

Buffy rewatch with a new partner by annayek3

Innocent victim of the day [fawn killed by Willow] by timmorris82

Buffy being broke by SpeedHot3049

Why Giles, and not someone else? by No_Introduction_4136

Spike Once Rudely Said by Past-Throat-6788

Bezoar? Persimmons and Buffy monsters by EnvironmentOk5610

Xander's Riley speech in "Into the woods" by dacm1980

How big is Watchers Council staff? by dacm1980

My only gripe with season 7 by Realistic-Advance472

In Family.... [cousin Beth] by wonder181016

It should’ve been Andrew by purplemmmmm

I feel like in the later seasons Xander became Buffy’s go to friend rather than Willow by mavelits

Podcast: Does Buffy have tragic taste in men? (Part 2) by A Girl, A Guy and A Buffy Podcast

Submit a link to be included in the newsletter!

Join the editor team :)

[thetinyreviews]

The Uncensored Picture of Dorian Gray Chapter 2

This is a collection of my favourite quotes and thoughts about them.

Chapter 1, Chapter 3, Chapter 4, Chapter 5, Chapter 6, Chapter 7, Chapter 8, Chapter 9, Chapter 10, Chapter 11, Chapter 12, Chapter 13

"There is no such thing as a good influence, Mr. Gray. All influence is immoral -- immoral from the scientific point of view." (…) "Because to influence a person is to give him one's own soul." Lord Henry to Dorian, page 73

I mostly never know what to think of Lord Henry's thoughts because he's so right but yet so disturbing.

"I will go out to the garden with you. It is horridly hot in the studio. Basil, let us have something iced to drink, something with strawberries in it." Lord Henry, page 76

In literature, strawberries often symbolize temptation, purity, and innocence, due to their sweet taste and bright red colour.

"Lord Henry went out the garden, and found Dorian Gray burying his face in the great cool lilac-blossoms, feverishly drinking in their perfume as if it had been wine." Page 76

Lilacs symbolize youth, innocence, and first love, especially in Western literature. Their fleeting blooms reflect themes of transience and nostalgia, often symbolizing the fleeting nature of young love (perhaps a foreshadowing of Dorian's love for Sybil Vane). They can also carry a sense of mystery, especially in Gothic literature, as their scent and beauty invoke a kind of haunting elegance.

"Time is jealous of you, and wars against your lilies and your roses." Lord Henry to Dorian Gray, page 78

Lilies frequently symbolize purity, innocence, and virtue, especially in Christian literature. They are often associated with the Virgin Mary and are emblematic of chastity and spiritual beauty. In classical literature, lilies can represent mortality and resurrection, symbolizing the soul's journey from death to rebirth. This duality makes them both a symbol of purity and a reminder of death. Roses are among the most symbolically rich flowers, representing love, passion, and beauty. Red roses, in particular, are universally associated with romantic love and desire.

"How sad it is!" murmured Dorian Gray, with his eyes still fixed upon his own portrait. "How sad it is! I shall grow old, and horrid, and dreadful. But this picture will remain always young. It will never be older than this particular day of June… If it was only the other way! If it was I who were to be always young, and the picture that were to grow old! For this-- for this-- I would give everything! Yes: there is nothing in the whole world I would not give!" Dorian Gray, page 82

Nothing much to say but good foreshadowing.

"Yes," he continued "I am less to you than your ivory Hermes, or your silver Faun. You will like them always. How long will you like me? Till I have my first wrinkle, I suppose. I know now that when one loses one's good looks, whatever they may be, one loses everything. Your picture has taught me that. Lord Henry is perfectly right. Youth is the only thing worth having. When I find that I am growing old, I will kill myself." Dorian Gray to Basil, page 82-3

Even if Basil loves Dorian, I've always believed he loves a shallow version of the boy. Does he really know who Dorian is? Does he think he's more than his good looks?

"Man is many things, but he is not rational." Lord Henry, page 84

Rationality isn't a human thing. We are too much of a victim of our emotions, and they cloud everything around us.

[proudhinduforever]

Sanatani Saints

Part 3

Shri Samartha Ramdas

We will look into the life of Shri Samartha Ramdas who was a prominent Sanatani saint, poet, and spiritual leader in Maharashtra.

Early Life and Renunciation:

Shri Ramdas or previously Narayan was born into a Marathi Deshastha Rigvedi Brahmin family to Suryajipant and Ranubai Thosar. His father was thought to have been a devotee of the Vedic deity, Surya. Ramdas had an elder brother named Gangadhar. His father died when Narayan was only seven years of age. He turned into a sadhaka after the demise of his father and would often be noticed to be engrossed in thoughts about the divine.

As per legend, Narayan fled his wedding ceremony in Asangao near Jamb, at age 12, upon hearing a pandit (Hindu priest) chant the word 'Saawadhaana!' (Beware!) during a customary Hindu wedding ritual. He is believed to have walked over 200 km along the banks of Godavari river to Panchavati, a Hindu pilgrimage town near Nashik. He later moved to Taakli near Nashik at the confluence of Godavari and Nandini river. At Taakli, he spent the next twelve years as an ascetic in complete devotion to Rama. During this period, he adhered to a rigorous daily routine and devoted most of his time to meditation, worship and exercise. As per legend, he once blessed a widow lady of a long married life, without knowing that her husband has just died. It is said that he was able to give life back to the dead body of her husband and this act of miracle made him very famous in Nashik. He is thought to have attained enlightenment at the age of 24. He adopted the name Ramdas around this period. He later had an idol of Hanuman made from cowdung installed at Taakli.

His contribution to Freedom movement and literary works:

Unlike the saints subscribing to Warkari tradition, Ramdas is not considered to embrace pacifism. His writings include strong expressions encouraging militant means to counter the barbaric Islamic invaders. He endorsed significance of physical strength and knowledge towards individual development. He expressed his admiration for warriors and highlighted their role in safeguarding the society. He was of the opinion that saints must not withdraw from society but instead actively engage towards social and moral transformation. He aimed to resuscitate the Hindu culture after its disintegration over several centuries owing to consistent foreign occupation. He also called for unity among the Marathas to preserve and promote the local culture. Samartha Ramdas Swami served an inspiration for a number of Indian thinkers, historians and social reformers such as Bal Gangadhar Tilak, Keshav Hedgewar, Vishwanath Rajwade ,Ramchandra Ranade, and Vinayak Damodar Savarkar. Tilak derived inspiration from Ramdas when devising aggressive strategies to counter the British colonial rule. Ramdas had a profound influence on Keshav Hedgewar, the founder of Hindu nationalist organization Rashtriya Swayamsevak Sangh. He is also recognized for his role as a Guru to the Maratha king Shivaji Maharaj, inspiring him with principles of governance, spirituality, and valor.

Below are some of his notable literary works:

Manache Shlok (co-written by Kalyan Swami)

Dasbodh

Shree Maruti Stotra

Aatmaaram

11-Laghu Kavita

Shadripu Nirupan

Maan Panchak

Chaturthmaan

Raamayan (Marathi-Teeka)

His Teachings:

Ramdas was an exponent of Bhakti Yoga or the path of devotion. According to him, total devotion to Rama brings about spiritual evolution. His definition of "Bhakti" was in accordance with the philosophy of Advait Vedant. In Chapter 4 of his literary work Dasbodh, he describes Nice levels of devotion / communion - starting from listening / comprehending (श्रवण) to Surrender of oneself or being One with Self (आत्मनिवेदन) - the later being the core tenet of Advait Vedant - where the sense of separate "I" dissolves into non-duality. He encouraged the participation of women in religious work and offered them positions of authority.

Ramdas Swami is a revered spiritual figure in Maharashtra and remains relevant to contemporary society in Maharashtra.

🙏🙏 jai jai Raghuveera Samartha 🙏🙏

[my-midnight-musings-xoxo]

Major spoilers for MadK!

---

We're returning to MadK, as promised. Makoto is one of my favorite manga characters, there's so much to him and I utterly adore the character writing in this story. I don't know if I've said this before but no one in MadK is a perfect victim, something I've noticed people expect, even subconsciously. Makoto is far from the perfect, even ideal victim if you view it in how people believe victims "should" appear. To refrain from a tangent, let's move on to his design!

(Laby has a great video essay on Jinx that dives into multiple topics including how Dan isn't viewed as a victim because he isn't a "real" victim, highly recommend it).

First the bolo tie. I've mentioned before how it represents J passing on his trauma. Still, in my research to find more symbolism for it I found it was appropriated by Westerners, specifically cowboys and ranchers because of course it was, leading to its worldwide fame. If you want to learn more, Palms Trading Company has an article on its history. I'm going to view the passing of it on to Makoto as an allegory, but that doesn't mean we're finished!

Kiernan's wings. In Japanese culture dragons don't fly as often as Chinese ones do hence they're depicted more serpent-like. I don't believe I'm qualified to deep dive into the symbolism through a cultural lens, so I'll analyze through a story and characters lens.

An interaction that stuck with me after I finished reading was Makoto confronting Kiernan about his..infatuation turned love (this is in Vol 3 Chapter 17 towards the end). Makoto says outright, "I belong to him, which is what makes me so attractive to you. You know you'll never make me yours. You pine. You feel safe." Kiernan partly agrees, thinking that now it's more like being with J himself. Both fail to gain what they truly want from each other, they want J through the other. Kiernan never achieves getting J, but Makoto does at the very end, becoming him only worsens this fate. Taking the wings from someone as obsessed with J as he is serves to contribute to figuratively and literally reaching J. In Vol 2 Chapter 12 after Makoto takes Kiernan's wings he flies up to J, along their wings spread out it's clear he's slowly but surely climbing up to J's position. He asserts he's not going to become a demon like he wants, despite him doing just that. Destroying himself entirely to mold himself into exactly what J wanted, what he was.

The werewolf teeth aren't talked about often, but I find them interesting. Werewolves aren't really a part of Japanese mythology, so I'll be analyzing this generally. They symbolize the duality of humanity and primality, along with repressed desires and the struggle with said desires. It's usually a curse that can be dealt with through a silver bullet. Through some skimming, apparently, that's a myth? Silver represents purity, protection, and along with other things it's associated with the moon. Werewolves turn beneath a full moon. Overall the moon is a symbol of emotion, with full moons symbolizing heightened emotions, completion, and transformation. The sun and moon are direct opposites in this position, adding to the dichotomy of werewolves.

J and Makoto reflect and oppose each other perfectly. Both are clearly victims, both destroyed by decades (even centuries) of suffering, and both reflect their inner child. Both wanted to be truly loved. In a way, they found each other. In J's case, he shed his facade, revealing a lonely child who simply wanted love, the very notion distorted from years of abuse, even from Kiernan, someone who was supposed to love him. We get little information about their relationship, and I know they're demons, but it's still tragic. Makoto lost himself the way J did, becoming nobody.

This manga is wonderful and has endless content to analyze and muse about! The day I can hold it in my hands I'll be over the moon, I just don't want to have to explain to my parents what depravity I've bought ehe.

I hope this was sufficient, or at least interesting to read. Not quite sure what I'll muse about next. I have a draft about MadK and how it'd function as a musical, unfortunately I have next to none musical theater knowledge so that probably won't be posted for a while. Maybe I'll muse over certain scenes I'd like in MadK.

Hope to post this weekend, no promises <3

[6-maranatha-scours-the-universe]

Loving the Angels of Kill Six Billion Demons

I'm just going to use examples from the earlier volumes of KSBD (from a limited area because I haven't read much). I can't help but love the angels in KSBD not just from the fact of the intense creativity of the artist (Tom Parkinson-Morgan) working on the webcomic but from the fact that it kind of embraces the duality of angel depictions that internet culture has been meming about for a little bit. You know what I'm talking about. The biblically accurate angels memes. (Also I'm largely unaware of the pronoun conventions of the angels in KSBD but I'll just use nonbinary pronouns for them all.)

As much as I enjoy these memes because they are funny, they actually create a pretty inaccurate image of what angels look like in the Bible because they just choose to over-represent angels like the Ophanim and Cherubim from the Book of Ezekiel.

Depiction of Ezekiel's Vision from the first chapter of the Book of Ezekiel (there are four angelic figures in the chapters but this one only shows two) by an unknown artist. But in the Bible, the majority of angelic figures other than these ones are just... dudes, I mean that in that they are non-cosmic horror-looking figures. While the majority of angels aren't particularly well described we can tell who are, and who aren't angels because of the Hebrew word Malakh which means "messenger." And it sort of makes sense that the majority of the time these messengers sent by God would generally be amiable-looking humanoids when interacting with humans as opposed to always looking like cosmic horrors inspiring nigh madness-like awe. I think a good example of an angel is the(or an) angel of the Lord who appears multiple times in the Bible at key points to relay messages from God to humans at multiple key points. For bringing Manoah's barren wife, then Manoah, (Judges 13:12-18, 13:21) that she's going to give birth to Samson and instructions as to what to do with Samson. This dude probably looked normal to them, or normalish in their context. Look this isn't trying to be professional because I just want to give some proper appreciation for KSBD for towing that line between cosmic horror and normalish looking human (or humanoid) in the context they live. The specific points in KSBD that I want to bring attention to are 82 White Chain (full name "82 White Chain Born in Emptiness Returns to Subdue Evil") and their form in the Void. With the more recognizably "biblically accurate" angels appearing as their true forms in the Void while they await reincarnation or release from their banishment.

Incarnate

In the Void

Some other angels in KSBD also at the very least have the appearance of "maybe they're just going to say hi and not kill me" in their incarnate forms (in the context of the multiversal world) of KSBD. Like 2 Michael.

Incarnate

Form in the Void 1 Metatron and 6 Juggernaut Star Scours the Universe are imo the angels that are universally the most alien (even in the context of the multiversal reality they inhabit). Juggernaut for being metal as fuck looking in all forms and Metatron for their size to be representative of their closeness to divinity

In the Void (Juggernaut)

Incarnate (Juggernaut)

Void (Metatron)

Idk. This isn't meant to be a professional examination of these characters in relation to biblical angels. Hell, the angels in KSBD aren't even directly relatable to biblical angels in a metaphysical sense because of the mix of Gnosticism and Dharmic religious theology influencing worldbuilding. Fuck it lol. It's good art..... also I stole some of Juggernaut's name for this Tumblr account name lol. Sources for the Art: https://knowyourmeme.com/editorials/guides/what-are-biblically-accurate-angels-and-why-are-they-a-meme https://knowyourmeme.com/memes/biblically-accurate-angels-be-not-afraid https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:Ezekiel%27s_vision.jpg https://killsixbilliondemons.com/comic/wielder-of-names-1-8/ https://killsixbilliondemons.com/comic/ksbd-1-14/ https://killsixbilliondemons.com/comic/wielder-of-names-1-5/ https://killsixbilliondemons.com/comic/wielder-of-names-3-56/ https://killsixbilliondemons.com/comic/wielder-of-names-1-10/ https://orbitaldropkick.tumblr.com/post/82091686323/the-angel-called-6-juggernaut-star-scours-the https://killsixbilliondemons.com/comic/wielder-of-names-2-24-incarnate/

[halfetirosie]

Dante is COOL, let it be known!!!

(Desert of Dusk, Chapter 12 & 13 Reactions)

Exhibit B of Dante not getting enough credit + MY NEWFOUND NEED TO SKIN "NIGHT RAT" AND HIS CRONIES ALIVE

IT'S TIME TO D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-DUEL!!!!

Even when he's up against criminals, Dante's playing by their rules, which is goddamn admirable,

--BUT HOW DARE THESE BITCHES HURT OUR BOI?!?!?!?!

I WILL FIND THEM

......

2. Exhibit C of Dante not getting enough credit

.....Dante do be skillful as hell tho, even when he's injured! Look at him go! Fuck 'em up, Dante!!!

3. The Duality of Dante: Always craving praise, but feels shy when he gets sincere compliments :) ♡

He is so cute!!!! ♡♡♡♡♡♡

4. Exhibit D of Dante not getting enough credit

Ouch, my Feels.....

I feel like all of us are so distracted by how silly and fun to tease Dante is, we forget just how much he carries on his shoulders....♡

5. Ohhhhh shit! IT'S TIME TO D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-DUEL (again)!!!!

I'm sure he'll win the duel, but I REALLY hope he successfully gets the elemental spirits of fire to bless the town!!! It'll be really awkward if it doesn't work...

7. JRNSBKSDFEAASMR!?!??!#?!@&!???!!!??!!!

Lemme tell you, I was NOT expecting the rare appearance of Smooth Dante, but it is a welcome surprise! :D

That wink tho... HOT DAMN!

I Can't wait to watch the finale later!

٩(^ᗜ^ )و ´- ♡♡♡