#dua to make someone feel guilty

[perfctvelvet]

Restless

Dua/Reader Content: established relationship, fluff, somnophilia, nipple play, oral, tribbing.

Author's note: Working on a few things and revamping the patreon for yall :3 will be posting a little more frequently in March!

Dua would toss and turn for an hour before admitting to herself that she's actually not trying her best to sleep.

She often complained to Y/n about not being able to fall asleep, and not being able to stay asleep when she eventually did close her eyes. Y/n just told her that she wasn't used to having this much down time and that eventually she will be able to regulate her sleep schedule. Dua, however, was insistent that it wouldn't happen and every night she would eventually wake Y/n out of her deep sleep and ask for entertainment. The first two or three times Y/n didn't mind it, actually finding it cute to see her girlfriend bored and needy for her in the middle of the night. But it stops being cute around the fourth or fifth time.

Dua's habits were cutting into Y/n's own sleep schedule. Just because Dua was taking a break from her fast life that doesn't mean Y/n was. At one point Y/n was sneaking away to the guest room to avoid having her sleep interrupted. When she had been caught Dua had to convince her to stop sleeping in a different room. Y/n felt a little guilty after being caught, but she was still hesitant to sleep in the same bed as someone so insistent on waking her up when they can’t sleep.

"Just because you can't fall asleep doesn't mean you get to mess up my sleep schedule too!"

She understood where her girlfriend was coming from, and although she wanted to be stubborn about it, Dua decided to be good and obey. Worse than not being able to sleep is not being able to sleep and being in their bed alone. At least Y/n's presence was comforting to her.

Tonight was no different. Dua was not tired, nor could she keep herself still. She made sure not to move so much knowing that Y/n was trying to sleep. Every time her girlfriend shifted around in the bed, Dua would pause and watch her intently hoping that she hadn't woken her up. Unsurprisingly, the only way to wake Y/n up was if Dua were to annoyingly shake her awake. Dua felt guilty for past interactions where she selfishly decided to wake her, but it's lonely being up all night by herself.

Each time she looks over at Y/n she notices something different about her. She wore nothing but a pink, wireless bra and crushed velvet pink pajama shorts. She could've went without the bra because it barely contained her tits anyway. Her nipple peaked out from the corner of the fabric and Dua reached over to softly cover it back up. It didn't matter anyway considering that it's just the two of them in the room, but Dua thought it was a nice thing to do.

Touching her skin, however, felt more like a naughty thing to do. Her fingers accidentally grazed her upper stomach, making Dua inhale deeply. Y/n always looks so cute when she's sleeping, even though Y/n may disagree with that sentiment. But she always looks totally relaxed, which makes Dua both envious and lovestruck.

Y/n’s body didn't respond to Dua's accidental touch which piqued the curiosity in her girlfriend. She wondered how much touching it would take to actually wake her up. Her gentle touching isn't like the shaking she would do to wake her all those late nights ago.

Dua began to push the limits on where her touch would go. She had lightly rubbed her stomach for some time before moving south and rubbing her inner thigh. Y/n would shift just the tiniest bit and make a small noise, but still she didn't wake. Dua wondered if she could be affecting any dreams she could be having. Did Y/n feel it when Dua's hand got close to her pussy? Or did she feel it when Dua brought her hand back up to her tits and circled her nipple through her thin bra? The more she did it, the more Y/n's body seemed to react to her yet her girlfriend didn't wake up. She knows Y/n wouldn't be able to fake being asleep but she begins to wonder when she sees Y/n furrow her brow.

With a finger, she delicately moves the bra cups out of her way to expose Y/n's nipples. It didn't seem like Dua would need to do much work seeing as they were already hard. She circled the sensitive skin of each bud with her finger. Dua was feeling emboldened by her movements not waking Y/n and decided to go further and grope her tits. Y/n’s nipples pushed against the palm of her hand as she did so. Dua licks and then bites her bottom lip as she gropes her girlfriend's soft flesh. She moans as if she's the one being touched. She watches the expression on Y/n's sleeping face change and she's enamored by it. She hopes to have clouded all of Y/n's dreams with lust and sex. She wants to know if what she's doing is working so she places her hand back between her legs and pushes her shorts to the side and feels her pussy. Y/n is wet. She's not as wet as she would be if she were awake, but there is no denying she is wet.

Dua can't help but rub Y/n's clit and that elicits a small moan from her mouth. It'll be impossible for her to stay asleep any longer. Dua watches her face until her eyes eventually begin to flutter open.

"Baby?"

"Shh -- it's just me."

Y/n's raspy sleep voice and the look of confusion on her face is so hot to Dua. Once the confusion is replaced by the pleasure from Dua rubbing her clit Y/n begins to moan.

"I told you to stop waking me up in the middle of the night," she moans sleepily, closing her eyes again but this time from pleasure and not tiredness.

"I couldn't help myself. You looked so cute laid out for me. You know I always have to touch my beautiful girl when I see her."

Now that she was awake, Y/n began to moan louder. Still being half-asleep made the pleasure more intense. She arches her back, tits jiggling as she does, and stirs her hips for her girlfriend.

“Mmm, feels good,” Y/n sleepily groans. Dua rubs her clit slowly but with much pressure. Y/n is slightly annoyed she was woken up out of her sleep, but she can��t complain too much because the pleasure is building and building. A pinch to her nipple is what wakes her up fully. She groans louder than she would’ve liked, and before she could moan more, Dua covers her lips with hers. It’s a sloppy kiss between the two of them more so because of Y/n. When Dua pulls away she can’t help but laugh at the state her girlfriend is in. She always complains about being woken up in the middle of the night, but tonight she isn’t complaining at all.

“Did you think you were having a wet dream?”

“I think so,” Y/n whispers, her moans chopping up her words.

“Can you tell me what was happening?”

“You were about to fuck me. You were sucking on my neck and rubbing my stomach.”

“Something like this?”

Dua buries her face in Y/n’s neck and begins to suck on her sensitive skin. Instead of rubbing her stomach as Y/n described, she placed her other hand on her boob and groped it while she stimulated her in every way she possibly could right now.

Being annoyed was no longer an option. Waking up to nothing but pleasure is heavenly, Y/n must admit. It was all about her, her girlfriend’s way of being apologetic. Her legs spread wider as Dua’s fingers get sloppier. Y/n took the opportunity to push her fingers out of the way and rub her clit herself. Dua caught on quickly and two wet fingers inserted Y/n’s hole. Y/n began to moan as if she wanted to wake the entire neighborhood. Every touch and every movement had her on cloud nine.

She whimpers through her orgasm. Her cum coats Dua’s fingers and creates a sloppy mess. Y/n can’t quite fathom how things escalated so quickly. She feels a tiredness seeping into her body not but she doesn’t feel like she’s done.

Not a word is spoken between the two as Y/n rolls on top of her girlfriend. Their lips meet in an uncoordinated kiss. Y/n grinds against her with her clit sometimes catching the friction from Dua’s thigh. They’re both sleepy, horny messes. Yet that doesn’t stop Dua from removing all the layers hiding her pussy. She spreads her legs wide to slow off the glistening mess making Y/n cum get her worked up.

Y/n takes her shorts off, and without needing to be asked, puts her pussy on her girlfriend's; she roughly grabs her legs as she straddles her and begins to move her hips. It was easy for their clits to glide against one another due to how wet they are. Y/n can feel how much of a sticky mess is being created between her and Dua’s legs.

“It feels so good,” Y/n sighs as she throws her head back. She grabs onto Dua’s leg to use it as leverage to move her hips faster.

Dua looks down and sees the wetness between them. Her eyes can’t pick where to land between the way their clits bump together and Y/n’s tits bouncing in her face. Her mischievous behavior was paying off as she began to feel the pressure in her belly. She grabs onto Y/n’s hip and squeezes, her nails digging into her flesh causing Y/n to gasp.

“Make me cum baby, make my cum!” Dua coos as Y/n begins to move faster.

Her movement is a bit sloppy as they melt into each other. She had just come, but Y/n feels like she might come again or just come very close to it. She was sleeping not that long ago, now she is all riled up and teeming with energy.

“Are you gonna cum, princess? I want you to cum for me so bad,” she paws at her girlfriend’s chest as she turns Dua into a weeping mess. It’s ironic how the tables have turned.

Dua is a mumbling mess as she cums against Y/n’s sex. The warmth blossoms between their legs and Y/n whimpers at the feeling. A lust-drunk smile spreads on her face as she grinds harder and harder until Dua is shivering from the pleasure and everything more. It was sort of Y/n’s revenge for waking her up even if it feels so good.

She chokes out a broken, “b-babe-”, hands gripping her flesh even harder now. Y/n is still swirling her lips, looking down at how worn out she is. Dua can only last a few more seconds before she’s using her forceful grip on Y/n to slow her down. Y/n listens, and thinks to herself how this should make her girlfriend tired enough to fall asleep easier tonight.

They’re both a mess, but they’re just too lazy to move.

“Promise you’re not gonna be mad at me for waking you up?” Dua asks, her eyes pleading for forgiveness although she was forgiven the moment her fingers hit Y/n’s sweet spot.

Y/n kisses her forehead. She won’t be mad, but she’ll definitely be annoyed when the middle of her day rolls around and she’s utterly exhausted.

“I’m not mad, especially not after that, but don’t wake me up again. You know I have work in the morning.”

Y/n turns to her side, facing away from Dua and closes her eyes. She feels the bed shift and an arm drape over her. Within seconds she hears a soft hum from behind her, indicating that her girlfriend was already sleeping.

[hall0ween-twn]

LITTLE MISS STRANGE lyrics prompts

choose between corey, eddie or steve for a prompt with angst, fluff or smut. one lyric at a time please.

a/n: i'm not good at angst or fluff but i really wanted to use this as a practice. also, i just love this au and the story i've gotten to create with clemkruckinnie so much!! these songs are from my playlists and thought that fit the au a lot.

1 “your face on my ceiling, i fantasize.” 🎵 prisoner, miley cyrus feat. dua lipa

2 “i need somebody with a human touch.” 🎵 stop, spice girls

3 “but i made up my mind, i'm keeping my baby.” 🎵 papa don’t preach, madonna

4 “i'm the reason why you can't get to sleep.” 🎵 tangled up in me, skye sweetnam

5 “why do you only promise underneath the stars?” 🎵 in the dark, ava max

6 “i wish i’d never seen your face.” 🎵 change, pale waves

7 “if you really did care about me, it wouldn’t take another man to make you understand that you want me.” 🎵 same ol’ same ol’, pyt 

8 “the only thing i’m guilty of is giving you too much love.” 🎵 this is me, dream

9 “it's as if you know me better than i ever knew myself.” 🎵 pieces of me, ashlee simpson

10 “is there someone else? is there a place for me?” 🎵 summer night town (english version), coconuts musume

11 “but then i understand, the friend i’m dreaming of is far away.” 🎵 show me how, men i trust

12 “darling, if you only knew, all the things that flow through my mind.” 🎵 fantasy, mariah carey

13 “i'm more than willing to rot in hell with you.” 🎵 eternally yours, motionless in white

14 “does your mother know that you’re out?” 🎵 does your mother know, abba

15 “they’re bringing up my history but you weren’t even listening.” 🎵 lavender haze, taylor swift

16 “i fell in love with that person i see everyday.” 🎵 romantic ukare mode, miki fujimoto

17 “you take my hand, and you say you've changed.” 🎵 too little too late, jojo

18 “it’s useless crying over how i was too late to be honest with you.” 🎵 bitansan, juice=juice

19 “you're not the one i'm supposed to love.” 🎵 tell my mama, christina grimmie

20 “we were right 'til we weren't.” 🎵 flowers, miley cyrus

21 “i thought it was a one-sided love, but was i wrong?” 🎵 crazy about you, minimoni

22 “no one else has made me fall as hard as what i have for you.” 🎵 no one else, reachback

23 “baby don't be gentle, i can handle anything.” 🎵 right where you want me, jesse mccartney

24 “and i only need a little time to satisfy this craving that i'm feeling inside.” 🎵 scary, britney spears

25 “i want to treasure my smile for the person i love.” 🎵 i wish, morning musume

26 “i hate the way you still know everything about me.” 🎵 unforgettable, the best week ever

27 “i can't contain my joy 'cause i finally found the boy i've been missing.” 🎵 i can hear the bells, hairspray

28 “guess mine is not the first heart broken.” 🎵 hopelessly devoted to you, grease

29 “shut your mouth and lose them tighty-whities!” 🎵 dead girl walking, heathers

30 “possible she wants you too.” 🎵 kiss the girl, the little mermaid

[glorytovalhalla]

Potential MMFR AU/Head cannon

Tw: Mentions of Nux x Max, Max x Nux, Canon Divergence, Shipping, Don't like, Don't interact(Block the Max x Nux tag as well as the Nux x Max tag if you don't want to see this kind of stuff)

Imagine a AU where Max goes back to the wreckage to scavenge for supplies and miraculously finds Nux alive(He was thrown half-way out of the rig because no seatbelts in MMFR.) Max finds him burned badly across the left side of his body, Multiple broken ribs and a broken leg. Max decides to take him back to the citadel and have organic mechanic see to him.

Eventually, on one of Max's scavenger trips he finds a MP3 Player and decides to bring it back with him. And after explaining to Nux and the others about how it works, Max plays some music from it(The music was in pre made Playlists, made by someone who had died recently in the wasteland)

Capable, Cheedo, Toast, The Dag and Furiosa are calmed by the sound of music as it reminds them(Furiosa especially) of being sang to as a child.

However, Nux is enraptured by it; practically obsessed as every moment he gets to spend with Max is accompanied by some form of music.

Eventually, through that music is how Nux slowly starts to develop romantic feelings for Max, and obviously the poor war boy is horrified by that fact and starts avoiding Max like the plague.

Now obviously the Immortan never taught them about love, and even when he did It was about having women to breed and use only for the making of children. Joe never taught them about men, he never even taught them about love. So now Nux is falling hard and fast for a man that probably wouldn't even want someone like him anyways.

Eventually Max confronts Nux about his avoidance, and Nux lies; says that he'd just gotten so obsessed with building a new war rig that he never had the time to see Max.

A few weeks go by, and one night when Max is headed out for a supply run. Nux tags along, feeling guilty about avoiding Max for so long. It's out on the road that night, that Nux finds it impossible to force his feelings down. As usual Max plays some music in the car while they're stationary, and for some reason Nux's leg started acting up so Max offered to massage it for him, sympathizing with the boy's pain.

It was that night that Nux confessed, spilling his feelings out to the man knelt in front of him. And to his shock, Max actually felt the same

If anyone's curious Max's favorite songs are: My boy, NDA, Therefore I Am, Halley's comet(Billie Eilish), The other side of paradise(Glass Animals)

Nux's Favorite songs are: Everything I wanted, I Love you, Wish you were Gay, TV(Billie Eilish), Daddy Issues, Cry Baby, Softcore(The Nbhd), Dreamland, Mama's Gun, Poplar St, Helium(Glass Animals)

Furiosa's Favorite songs: That's my girl(Fifth Harmony), Think therefore I am(Billie Eilish), Youth(Daughter), Fever(Dua Lipa & Angèle)

I'll have to think about the Wives favorite songs later, but I think they'd be fine with any of the ones above.

Hope this wasn't too cringe, it's my first MMFR post on Tumblr so please be gentle. Hope this fandom's still kicking. 😊

[edenwest]

application :

[ ! ] — it seems that [ aria eden - west ] has entered the scene ! she looks exactly like [ dua lipa ]. this [ twenty - nine ] is the [ major stakeholder #1 ] of [ app-h inc. ]. it’s a small wonder since she is known for being [ nosey & self critical ] and [ captivating & ambitious ]. she has been involved with the company for [ four ] years. [ kenny | she + her  | twenty - three | pst ]

statistics : 

faceclaim : dua lipa name : aria catherine eden - west nickname(s): ari birthday : november eighteenth  birthplace : london , england  age : twenty - nine  gender & pronouns : cis-woman , she & her occupation : magazine editor , interviewer & duulan show host  height : five feet , eight inches  scent : dolce & gabanna light blue 

family heritage : 

aria eden west is the newest carat in her family’s gold lineage, next in line to the throne of her family’s crown jewel , weston co.  founded by catherine west , weston co. was risen from the ground up , determined to give the ‘ every day woman ‘ access to jewelry that was both stylish and durable , allowing them to pay no mind to the usual wear and tear that came with being a twentieth century housewife . j.c penney was the first to invest , lining their accessories sections with their first ( and what would soon become their most famous ) cuff bracelet , an indisputable hit during the holiday season which made penney’s rich and catherine even richer . weston co. only blossomed from there , over the next hundred years she’d break the glass ceiling of the j.c penney’s jewelry section , open her own boutiques , little by little inching closer to the edge of rodeo drive where the weston co. now resides with the rest of the world’s greatest designers . weston co. prides itself on being made for women , by women — though , now it’s certainly popular and amongst anyone who enjoys fine jewelry — so the company now rests in the hands of eleanor eden - west , and eventually , it will become aria’s too .  [ weston co. is equivalent to a brand like cartier or tiffany & co. ] 

past : 

you grow up with the world at your fingertips . everything you want is given to you before you have to so much as ask . it’s the typical life that’s afforded to a child like you , educated in the nation’s best private schools , never without the newest toys or latest book in whatever series you were obsessed with at any given time ( some even before they were released to the public ) . it’s comfortable , you’re comfortable , but why does that make you feel so guilty ?

technically the first “ true “ nepotism baby in your family considering that your mother didn’t get to reap the benefits of weston co.’s success until she was well in her 40s and your father built his entire career from the ground up . not that you’re complaining , people would kill for this life and you know that you’re lucky to live it . you don’t resent it , in fact you cherish it , but you can’t help from asking yourself one thing : what have you done to deserve this ?  a question the tabloids seem to want an answer to too . 

you want more out of life , as grateful as you are for your parent’s support you feel terrible taking it from them — is it true what everyone says ? would you really be nothing without your family name ? going to college feels like the only way to get away from it all , to silence that voice in your head that tells you the only thing you’ll ever have to show for yourself is a company you don’t even really own . you go to oxford , but not without scrutiny . impossible not to overhear the whispers of your peers that swear they have you pieced together , that are completely certain your family’s name ( or perhaps their generous donation ) is the only reason you’ve made it this far . they put a chip on your shoulder , and it’s only up to you to figure out how to get it off . 

you make two friends while you’re in college , it’s all you can really afford as someone who spends as much time in the library as you — one on occasion they quite literally had to drag you out of there kicking and screaming . you spend your first two years completely immersed in your studies , trying to prove to everyone ( read : yourself ) that there’s more to you than what your parents have given you , that you’re smart , independent , worth something on even your own .  

it’s not until your senior year that you find the thing that would eventually become your life’s purpose . céline was meant to be nothing more than your final project , a theoretical magazine complete with three articles on art , entertainment and current events that was supposed to be for your professors eyes only . but you’ve never found yourself work so hard at something in your life , not only determined to make your final project your best one yet but actually interested in the process at hand . you found yourself excited to go home to write an research , so many nights spent watching the sun rise while you fooled around indesign tweaking the smallest details until they sat just right on the page . 

you’re not quite ready to own a company yet , the thought of inheriting the one that’s had your name signed on it sign the day you were born still sometimes makes you feel sick , so you’ll have to find another way to turn this into something more sustainable for the person you are right now .

you reach out to a couple of friends who reach out to a couple of friends and before you know it you’re being asked to pitch an idea for a youtube series , one that puts a new edge on the predictable world of celebrity interviews — and thus , pub crawl is born . it’s probably not the best idea , inviting celebrities for a day of recorded and publicized drinking all while asking them questions about their lives and careers , but maybe that’s exactly the point . pub crawl becomes an instant success , rising to viral fame after tom holland came to the show and completely spoiled the upcoming avengers movie after he’d gotten tripped up by one of your tricky questions . 

it’s been a hit ever since , each season only growing bigger and bigger until you find yourself being invited to interview celebrities at the red carpet of some of entertainment’s biggest events . people love you , they find your interviewing insightful yet playful , flirtatious yet elegant , captivating in every way as is obvious by the millions of views garnered by your interviews at the grammy’s , oscars and of course , the met gala . 

you get three seasons deep into pub crawl before you realize that though hosting this show makes you happy , it doesn’t make you feel complete . sure , it’s fun picking your guests brains about their most recent projects but it doesn’t feel like enough . you want to talk about what’s really going on in the world , about art , history , fashion , design , and give voice to the people who do it best . so  , céline is pulled back out from the depths of your google drive , an dream you’re now determined to make into a reality especially now that you have all of the resources to do it on your own . for the next year , any time that isn’t spent filming pub crawl is dedicated to turning cèline into the publication it’s meant to be , gathering a team of writers , editors and designers to make certain that it lives up to the potential you’ve always known it had. 

it’s been four years since it’s official launch , and while critics initially dubbed your publication as an out of touch passion project by yet another bored nepo baby , you soon grew tired of trying to prove yourself to people , trying to make them see that your worth is in more than just who you are, but what you can do — so , you stop trying to . only then is when you really start to see the success and satisfaction you've been craving . what first only began as a few copies distributed to local news-stands has grown to become your very own empire. thanks to support from app-h, celine took off in the digital world , some say it even revived the nearly long lost art of the magazine. in what feels like no time you're competing with names like cosmopolitan, elle, and even vogue .

[scenetocause]

Idk about you but I would sure like Norris / Fewtrell / Kodric to be given the emptyhalf words.

ok i guess

"You're unbelievable," Lando's laughing but he's like - it's the thing he does when he's actually kind of serious but he's playing it down, not his real laugh and it unnerves Max a lot.

"What do you mean?" He honestly doesn't know what he's done. Something, clearly; it's not bad enough that Lando isn't curled right up against him in Max's bed, Max's fingers threading through his hair and Lando's stupid palm tree necklace digging into Max's breastbone.

"You were flirting with Martin so much, oh my god."

Oh.

Well, guilty as charged.

"If my boyfriend didn't leave me at home all the time then maybe I wouldn't have to look at hot, uhm. Hunks." He's got past the word 'boyfriend' in his list of mental blocks but it's very hard for Max to sort of think of himself as gay beyond Lando. He's not really sure he is but then, Martin is pretty hot and so tall, too. Like Jake, who's also pretty hot and ok maybe he just... has some sort of very specific type. He should try checking out Marcus next time they're in the gym to see if it's all drivers or just specifically the idiot ones.

Lando pouts, curling more round Max. "If you'd actually ask instead of, like - you know I always want you there. Anyway, I guess Martin's kinda hot."

Oh. Oh, Lando isn't complaining, he's fantasising.

Except Max's self-esteem isn't as secure as Lando's, clearly and so what he says is. "Hotter than me?" And his voice sounds pathetically small.

"No." It's not possible to actually hear someone rolling their eyes but Max thinks he can. "You're - and mine. But y'know, for someone else he kind of is."

Lando presses an unusually tender kiss under Max's ear. "You're still my big boy."

"Jesus-" Max ineffectively swats at Lando, who's already successfully limpeted onto him and just holds Max tighter, peppering him with kisses. "Fuck off. God."

Max mumbles "I love you, Bob" into the bumps of Lando's spine when they've rearranged to big and little spoon, a few minutes later.

-

Nothing happens because why would anything happen. Martin's straight and if Max and Lando sometimes work it into their dirty talk, the idea of one of them getting fucked by Martin while the other one's watching then, well. Look. They've said that about, like - Lando has a weird crush on Niall from One Direction and sometimes it comes up, it's just a fantasy, it's fine.

Until Tom opens his stupid mouth and Max is gonna edit him for Insta again, he swears to god.

"Who'd you have in a threesome, if you could have anyone?"

"Martin," Lando says, without even looking up from his phone while he's posting some jpgs.

It's at the same time as Connor says "Dua Lipa" and Jenny hits him with a cushion but someone definitely heard because several people follow it up with what?

Lando glances round the table, unfazed. "It's be Martin, we've talked about it."

Max can feel himself turning blotchy crimson. "Mate, you can't just say things like-"

"Really?" It's only fair that Martin, himself, asks.

"Yeah," Lando is totally unbothered, tucking himself back against Max's shoulder and taking a sip of his drink, the only tell that he knows what he's doing the way he's suddenly glowing with that weird, malicious energy he gives off sometimes. "It'd be hot. Y'know, you could fuck Max or-"

Collective shouting around the table manages to preserve Max's honour and stop him having to find a way to murder the man he loves the most of anyone in the world. And that's kind of the end of it because they get into fuck, marry, kill with the characters from Friends but none of them can remember what half of them are called and shots dissolve the rest of the conversation.

Until Max is wobbling to the bathroom, a little while later and wondering where Lando's gone. He probably might have noticed Martin was gone, too, except that he's been studiously trying not to make any kind of eye contact with the bloke for several hours, so it's easier not to think.

Except that Martin is suddenly right up in his space and Max nearly trips over his own feet. "Uh - hello, what Lando said, like, just, ignore him it's-"

He's shocked by Martin shushing him. Realises Martin's shirt is unbuttoned all the way down, tries not to fixate on the trail of hair down from his belly button but looking up from that means he's staring into Martin's eyes.

"I didn't mind," Martin's accent makes it soft, voice deliberately gentle. "It's kind of cute."

Max doesn't have time to squirm, before Martin's hand is on his jaw and his sweaty palms are on Martin's chest to steady himself and the main thing he registers, when Martin kisses him, is Lando's shrieky laugh of glee much too close by.

"I knew it," there's the sound of a shutter closing, a photo that better not make it to the internet. "It is really hot."

[sabrgirl]

Salam alaikum sabrgirl. I just read your substack post about your chronic illness and fasting and Fajr and it resonated so so deeply with me because I am in a very similar situation, even down to the symptoms you mentioned. Jazakillah khair for being vulnerable and sharing this because it has helped me immensely, and I'm sure others as well. Even the ayah you included which led you to conclude that it would be sinful to fast when sick...I have been feeling so guilty about not fasting and people around me have (maybe unintentionally) made me feel guilty by mentioning other sick people they know who are fasting. I also haven't been waking up for Fajr every day (I have to skip some days) due to the effects of waking up early on my health but I really want to for the rest of Ramadan and your words about how you did it and how it became easier for me gave me a lot of encouragement. May Allah reward you, and grant us both 3aafiyah and shifaa and make our illness a means of expiation and attaining the great reward for patience

wa alaikum salam wa rahmatullah! ♡

jazakallah khair for reading my post and for sending me this message !! 🥹 i honestly never knew the post would resonate with and touch so many people. it makes my heart full knowing that i can make people feel less alone with my words, and the responses also makes me feel less alone too. i grew up reading so much and having people's writing resonate with me, so it makes me so overjoyed now that my writing does the same for others :') alhamdulillah !!!

i understand about feeling guilty. at the beginning of this ramadan, when i was at uni in class or in the library, and there was a muslim nearby, i'd hide my water bottle in my bag or eat secretly, hoping that they wouldn't see and think i'm a bad muslim. it's quite silly now that i think back to it, i quickly told myself that fasting isn't for other people or for show. even if i was able to fast, it would only be for Allah سُبْحَٰنَهُۥ وَتَعَٰلَىٰ's sake. some people who are sick can tolerate fasting, other people can't. not everyone is the same. so, it's easier said than done, but don't listen to other people saying xyz. you know your condition, not them. they're not you. and Allah knows your intentions, condition and heart. and yes, the ayah does conclude that it would be a sin for someone to force themselves to fast if they are unable to, because they are being disobedient. Allah doesn't want you to punish yourself and self harm, which is a sin. if you know you can't fast, your fidya is an expiation, it's a substitute for the fast, He says. you're feeding the poor, just like how fasting is to remember the poor.

may Allah make it easier for you to wake up, Ameen! Allahumma ameen to your kind dua's. keep going, you've got this! you're doing really well. try your very best, no matter what that looks like and Allah will reward you for striving for his sake ♡ sending love.

[sam-bl-lover]

The answer was as simple as that. Mork was incapable of threatening this friendship the more they spend time together.

The more they spend time together, the more fearful he was of his feelings, knowing well one wrong move would pull Pi several steps back that he took his time taking.

Especially after knowing how hard it was for the latter to trust people. They had a rough start all because he couldn't talk in truths. He still wasn't when he told Pi he was a friend every time looking at those round eyes and soft cheeks.

He couldn't put what they had at risk for something he wasn't sure about. 

And that was the reason precisely why he pushed every thought of leaning closer when they were only inches apart. Because no matter how close he wanted to lean in, he had to step away before things get out of hand.

Sometimes it felt so pointless, as if the possibility of them getting together was a fading light at the end of a tunnel.

Some mornings he woke up thinking all about those 'What If's' he couldn't answer himself. 

Other time there was a sudden urge to shove all his secrets inside a box and lock them away for good because at this point, being friends was way better than loosing Pi in any sort of way.

When he could feel Pi's warmth and wanted nothing but wrap his arms around the latter, forming a shield to hide him away from this cruel world.

Or the way his intrusive thoughs won over his self control on his weak days as his traitrous hands would make their way to fix that one strand of hair falling over Pi's forehead just right to poke him in the eyes.

They way his figures twitched to reach out and wipe the corner of his mouth when he messily ate something.

And these little feeling would erupt every time he saw Pi doing something as trivial as taking food to his table. Or simply sitting side by side studying. Or replying to his text. Talking about his shitty day.

To the point it would travel all through his body like crackling electricity, make his fingertips tingle until he had to remove himself from close proximity of Pi.

Keep his thoughts at bay, in the dark, whenever he felt words flowing inside his brain.

Swallowing bits of the acidic feeling when he would slip up and reveal the truth.

How could he so obvious and Pi be so oblivious.

..

A bit angsty.

A bit of slow burn

We all love these little guilty pleasures.

My Book-'Levitating Towards You' on Ao3, more refined and edited.

A bit angsty tags_

#One-sided enemies to friends to lovers

#Slow building romance

#Emotional hurt

#A bit depressing

#Dark thoughts happen at some point

#Feelings denial

#Triggering subjects

#Past traumas

#Unhealthy coping mechanism

#Mild mention of bullying

But it also has_

#Humor

#Satire

#Fluff

#Sarcasm

#Happy ending

#Healthy relationship building

#Enemies to Friends to Lovers

#Stupid cheesy flirting

#Eventual stupid but iconic confessions

#Developing feelings

#Mild sexual content

#Sloppy make out

#Drunk shenanigans and confessions

#Declaration of love

#Domestic shit happens out of nowhere

#We have side couples? Maybe

#Mentions of other Bl series in between as other characters make cameos!!!

#Everyone is gay- Yuppie!

My writing isn't the greatest but I try.

Please consider reading it.

I really need the motivation.

'Do we really know the truth behind someone's lies? Is it fair to lie to someone you care about because of your own fears?'

"Do we really know how to differentiate between Romantic and Platonic Love? Should we? Could we?"

'Is it alright to want someone who looks so far, out of reach?'

So many question. So many answers....

Ao3 account-Paint_the_sky_18

[ringyouabell]

Fri22nov

(3:40pm) Today's a good day! It's Friday, Alhamdulillah. I'm sad I missed Tahajjud again, though. I hate missing it. I want to ask for so many things selfishly, but I just can't get out of bed.

My day was good, though. I woke up early for Fajr, attended lectures, and hit the gym. I worked out my biceps and triceps today. I feel like I've hit a plateau with my physical fitness and size. I need to get bigger, stronger, and better! I'm going to eat better, with more protein.

After a cold shower, I got ready for Salah and did my usual "I smell good" routine! I'm feeling extra grumpy today, but oh well, some people stay irresponsible towards me. After returning, I had dal gosht, papad, and pepper chutney - it was superb!

I'm not going to study this afternoon. I ate too much and now I'm feeling sleepy! I guess that sums up my abs condition. Although, for a certain someone, I'll be bringing them out in a month or two, Insha'Allah.

My sleep apnea is worsening, I guess. It's weird; I barely ever had these symptoms before. But it's been acting up recently. Well, you know my views about doctors. I don't think it's anything serious. Hahaha

( 7:00pm) I woke up close to Maghrib, having slept after Asr. Got a call from my friend in Dubai, saying he got the job - which made me really happy. My duas never cease to amaze me.

And most importantly, I hope this isn't the last time you're not addressing anything of mine. I know you read everything! Why would I write this blog otherwise? You'll keep waking up to this wonderful energy and love from me as long as I live and breathe, Insha'Allah.

I'm glad your health is better. The days are getting colder, so I order you to keep warm! Aren't you my good [……]? Your safai is accepted, and it's okay. Be more considerate from now on.

I was basically on rest mode today! Still, I have so much to say. Having been productive the past five days and taking this forced, unplanned day off makes me feel guilty. But I barely had time to spare today, so well, it's okay, I guess. Soon I'll leave for Isha and post this blog. Can't wait for 9 pm. I wish I'd hear you read what I wrote like I always did.

(8:00pm) After having prayed Isha, Im On my way! To my father’s place, Im invited for dinner sorta out of the blue, but okay Allhumdulillah at least I have a father. Well with respect to the kind cold evening allhumdulillah, I figured some warm frothy coffee outside before I reach for dinner would fair my wits nice. So, after drinking that amazing coffee allhumdulillah! I feel good and energised hope i wake for tahajudd tonight inshallah. And study properly as per my plans or better inshallah.

Last of all I wanna say,

You are the finest, loveliest, tenderest, and most beautiful person I have ever known, and even that is an understatement.

Hope your week has been great. More days to go and to be with and by your side. Lots of love and warmth and grumpiness sending your way ! Assalamuwalaikum warehmetullah.

[anotheraldin]

Assalamu Alaykum,

How are you doing? I you’re well insha’Allah.

I apologise for bothering you again. Your advice was very reasonable and I’d like to kindly request you to advise me again if it’s okay with you and you’re in a place to do so.

I’m the anon who asked you for advice on the guy who gave up as soon as his father ended things while we were about to get engaged.

I’ve been really struggling and I guess what makes it harder is the fact that he never reached out even for the last time. For the past whole week, I’ve been struggling with wanting to text him for the last time maybe in an attempt to have some sort of closure. But I’m also worried he might manipulate me again into believing he is somehow the victim and that might just derail whatever progress I’m trying to make. Not to mention the fact that his dad texted my uncle to tell me to not contact him or his son makes me worried that he might disrespect my family again. But I feel like this one last attempt to reach out to him will help me move on too because I guess then it would be clear to me that he knows what he’s doing and he’s okay with the decision he is making. Can you please advise?

Secondly, there were times I prayed for things to end as well because I was very anxious and terrified of marrying him. Ever since his parents met me for the first time, they’ve constantly caused issues just because of where I was from. Even back then, his behaviour had changed drastically the moment they weren’t in favour.

He went from being the guy who was reassuring me that he would handle everything even if his parents weren’t in favour just a few days ago to the guy who just constantly talked about things not working out and asking me to marry someone else. Eventually he also made up a reason to come see me without wanting to inform either of our families as this may be “the last time we were seeing each other because he didn’t know what decision his parents were going to make.”

Despite the fact that I was begging and struggling for 4-5 months to him for some sort of reassurance, communication and even clarity, he saw my pain and suffering and used to do nothing except sitting around waiting for them to make a decision. Never giving any clarity on the “efforts” he claimed to be making. It was only after constant pain and suffering and those 4-5 months that felt like a living nightmare that he eventually decided to have a serious conversation with his parents and they gave in right away.

So the fact that it was that easy and simple for him to get them to agree and yet he refused to do anything had terrified me to my core due his lack of empathy and consideration for me and when his parents agreed, he switched up and went back to being the same sweet and emotional guy and gaslighted and manipulated me again into believing why he allowed me to suffer for this long and I decided to give him a chance.

Due to this fear, although I prayed istikhara and made lots of duas for him and his family to be better for me and vice verse and things to work out, sometimes I got so scared that I used to pray for things to end. Now I constantly feel heartbroken and guilty thinking about having made this dua and the possibility that Allah might have accepted it. How do I get over this?

Jazak Allahu khayran. May Allah reward you and ease your affairs, aameen.

Wa 'Alaikum As-Salaam!

I'm hanging in there. About to have some food and insha'Allah go buy that green sweater afterwards. Your since du'a's are always appreciated.

Your question hit the feels and it was personal to you so I tried to answer it to the best of my ability. I'll try to answer this in steps.

It's normal to feel that way and before doing so, you really need to have a heart to heart with yourself if you want to do that while overlooking previous actions and what's currently going on, as a way to possibly re-establish connection to avoid processing the feelings you're experiencing currently away from this person, or because you feel it's truly worth to continue fighting for this person.

I don't necessarily know your culture so I can't say too much about the objections about the location. That could be something they publicly voiced and it could be an entirely different issue altogether, or it could be just your birthplace. It's possible the more they brought up the issue to him, the more it lessened his resolve for this.

5 months is a long time to push this issue and not get anywhere. I'd say it sounds like you really wanted this and believed in it more than he possibly did. You know your interactions with him and it's worth having an honest conversation with yourself when it comes to evaluating them to see where he stood without any possible jadedness.

Both of you sound so young so maybe this is just me over-examining through older eyes, and not letting you both experience life and mistakes that come with it as well. Maybe he just needs something to happen that'll make him commit to you, but that sounds uncomfortable to write at my age as those seem like intrinsic things when it comes to marriage. I don't know anon, it's not a simple thing to just say as this is a bond between two people that I don't want to say anything to disrupt. You really, really gotta do some serious evaluating over things during this period. Maybe discuss it with friends who've seen you go through this to see what they think as well.

I don't really have an answer about the last one to be honest with you. I'd say maybe ask one of the sisters on here who happen to be from a similar background as you to see their perspective on what you're experiencing. They might provide you with a better outlook.

[myriaaaam]

Last page from my book !

Its been over than 8 months now since our last goodbye since our last meet since the last day i saw your angelic face since the last time i heard ur voice the voice that supposed to be my fav song its been more than 8 months since i was the happiest in this world when i first started talking to you and after all what we have been living together i had no idea that there will be a life after you i was sure that there is life before you life during you but i wasn't ready for a life after you then this happened and i knew what does this exactly means i didn't knew that you are special to me to this point ive been watching me pushing my self so hard to cry so i can sleep ive been watching my self being unmotivated and lazy to do everything thinking about you , and loving you harder was my only choice to keep breathing you were the first and the last chance to me for a happy life i have cried a lot i stayed months in my bed i talked about you to everyone knowing deep inside that you don't even remember me but i kept you in my heart till today

i wasn't so sure about forgetting about you

or even about stop loving you i wasn't able to see that i worth being happy again even after you i should be happy because i do have a life too yess i loved you so much and i think ill keep loving you forever but imma move on from you moving on doesn't mean that if a commun song comes by i won't remember you moving on doesn't mean that if i saw something that reminds me of you i won't smile but im gonna move on from the things that you made me live the feelings that you made me feel im gonna move on from the fact that you still there waiting for me or you are going to show up again now i can say finally i have realized that i should not live for a heart that doesn't beat for me maybe it will takes time to accept but at least imma stop posting things about you or even wait for you to text me i won't search you between my story viewers imma stop thinking about much i have loved you and imma start thinking about how i can love myself more

and imma find someone who can love me rightly without keep reminding me of that

yess i appreciate everything that you made for me

i will always remember how much i was happy when ure arround but imma delete your words from both of my heart and mind i will always smile back to those memories we made but imma make for my self better memories but this time without you i was feeling guilty about making DUA for and about you finally i remembered how miserable you treated me too life with you wasn't only happy moments there was moments when i wasn't able to sleep because of you i wasn't reaally happy of living like that ive realized that now ALLAH gave us this life to live happy not to live for a person that moved on from us sooo quickely now im thanking ALLAH because i appreciate my self more because i have waited for you more than enough and you didn't cameback but at least i did what i should do just to not regret it later so thank you so much for not coming back now im so sure about myself and how worthy i am Goodbye !

[muslimdua]

Dua to Make Someone Realize His Mistake

Dua to Make Someone Realize His Mistake

There can be many difficult and heart-breaking situations that each and every one of us go through, and these situations can seem too much sometimes. Allah knows that our lives are made in such a way that we will not have a smooth ride but instead face a lot of problems. Islam has given us many ways to find solve our problems through the Holy Quran. If you have been wronged by someone you care…

[islamictantramantra]

Dua to Make Someone Realize His Mistake

Dua to Make Someone Realize His Mistake

Dua To Make Someone Realise His Mistake or to make someone feel guilty can be use for someone to remember you. If you have question about which dua to recite when someone upsets you? then ask to our molana. Procedure to Make Someone Realize His Mistake The burden of emotional pain is not one that can be ignored, and if the matter isn’t resolved in a civil manner, then it can blow out of…

[valthevalkyrie]

A Good Guy

Steve’s got a girlfriend and for now, they’re long distance. He visits her and comes to terms with an ugly truth.

Pairing: Steve x f!latinx!reader

Word Count: 4.3K

Warnings: talk of sick parent, infidelity, implied infidelity, cheating, brief mention of child abandonment (kinda), jealousy, implied smut

A/N: This is sooo long overdue and I’m so very sorry for that, but this was originally going to be my entry for @allaboardthereadingrailroad Marvel Diversity Challenge before life got in the way and then the fic itself got a life of it’s own. My prompt was the song Pretty Please by Dua Lipa. This fic is almost the complete opposite of what I’d had in mind when entering the challenge. This is intended to be some kind of prologue to a series (if I can manage to finish it). If you can think of any other warnings that you’d like me to add please let me know! i'm so nervous to share this

masterlist

Steve knew he was a good guy. People told him so, and he always did everything he could to do the right thing. But right now, he was the bad guy.

Oooh, he was so the bad guy. He’s been the bad guy for a while.

A good guy wouldn’t sabotage his own relationship. A good guy wouldn’t masturbate to the sounds of his roommate getting off while his girlfriend was out of state. A good guy wouldn’t try to set up his girlfriend to sleep with someone else. A good guy wouldn’t try to make his gorgeous girlfriend fuck his old friend so she feels guilty and breaks up with him because she cheated. A good guy didn’t have phone sex with his girlfriend while said roommate sucked him off.

A good guy would’ve been honest with his girlfriend when she asked how comfortable he was with a long distance relationship. He would’ve told her that he loves her loads but he’s not sure he can handle the pressure. A good guy would’ve told her that their roommate’s advances were getting bolder and harder to resist. A good guy would’ve told her the moment he was doubting the strength of their relationship. Of his strength. A good guy would’ve broken up with his girl as soon as he realized what he did. A good guy would’ve kept his old friend’s journal with him (what’s a few more years?) and let his girlfriend go take care of her mother in peace.

A good guy would’ve done a lot of things, and a good guy Steve is not.

Instead, Steve is currently in an uber on his way to his girlfriend’s house after having spent the whole night angsting over his own stupid ass decisions. Wallowing in self pity while looking at the picture his girlfriend sent him weeks ago from the bar. The one where she’s snug against some random guy, who wasn’t even the one he sent her to see. The same night she’d called drunk as hell, telling him how much she loved him. Once she got home she’d called him up again, they had phone sex and he still fucked Peggy.

It shouldn’t bother him that much. It shouldn’t bother him enough to pull the picture up on his phone to torture himself some more. That his girl is cuddled up to some handsome stranger. Who just so happens to be his friend’s friend. Of course it would be just his luck that on the one night that she decided to go out partying with her friends she runs into his friend and his group of friends. One of them being a tall, dark and handsome motherfucker with perfectly sculpted cheekbones and an endearing gap toothed smile. It shouldn’t bother him to see her eyes all squished and warm and lazy, with a smile that shows all her teeth - the one she hates because she thinks it makes her open her mouth all weird but he loves because you can tell she’s laughing for real. His arm around her shoulders, hers around his waist, chest against chest.

“Baby, you’ll never guess who I ran into!” Her words were slurring and the sound of music and people talking filtered through the phone.

He couldn’t help the small smile that appeared on his face while he opened a can of soda with one hand. It was nice to hear her have fun. “Bucky, I know. You just sent me a picture not too long ago, remember?”

“James,” she went on as though she hadn’t heard him, “your old friend!”

“Sweetheart you just sent me the picture, remember?”

“Oh shit,” she laughed. “Yeah, I did. Hey, hey, can I ask you something?”

“Of course.”

“Have I told you how much I love you? Because, its like, so much, you have no idea.”

“Yeah, you have. Speaking of friends-”

“I love you so so much, Stevie, it makes my chest hurt.”

“Yeah, you too but who’s the guy next to you in the picture?”

“Oh that’s Sam!” He wasn’t sure he liked how happy she was saying this other guy’s name. “He’s so nice, Stevie, you’ll love him.”

He doesn’t fucking think so.

It shouldn’t bother him. He sent her there. Well, not to Florida, but to that situation, that group, those muscular arms. Things are technically going to plan and he should be happy, but he’s not. Now he’s doubting himself. But everything’s been set into motion and he can’t stop it.

The closer he gets to her house the more he can feel something in him start to vibrate, like his bones were trying to phase out of his skin. He feels guilty as hell though, as he should. Excited to see her, because he does love her. She’s one of the best people he’s ever met and she’s just so full of love and always showered him with it.

Her house is in a nicer suburb than he expected, based on what she told him of her growing up. It was a cute house, one story, with a small stone porch to the right and a smallish driveway in front of the garage to the left, and plants all around. They had a tall fence separating their property from those next to them.

He could see a dark shape in the curtains, but it moves so fast he doesn’t get a chance to see what it is. As the car pulls into the driveway, the front door opens and there she is. The love of his life (the one he cheated on).

She’s got a huge smile on her face, skin glowing. Barefoot, she’s wearing some tattered denim shorts and one of his shirts; damn he forgot how good she looked in his clothes. He missed the way she filled them. Her hair’s in a loose low pony, stray curls falling around her face. He can see his name on her lips while she bounces on the tips of her toes.

As natural as he’s trying to be, like all nonchalant and shit, he knows he’s being very chalant. He can feel the tension in his shoulders while he’s moving out of the car and he knows she can see it too because her gleeful expression quickly turns to one of worry. If anything, trying to not be stiff is making him more stiff and it’s not long before he’s walking like he’s trying not to shit his pants.

“Are you ok,” she laughs. “Why are you walking like that?” She gets an understanding look on her face, “did you eat too many bananas again?”

“What, no. It’s just jet lag.”

“We’re in the same time zone, dummy.” She smiles at him, a soft look in her eyes. “Get over here, old man, you’re taking forever.”

He hadn’t noticed that he’d practically stopped walking. Once he was almost in front of her, she opened her arms and made grabby hands. He lets his bag drop to the floor and wraps his arms around her waist and buries his head in her neck. She wraps hers around his shoulders and idly scratches the nape of his neck, and he feels the tension seep out of him.

“There we go,” she hums. “You have no idea how much I missed having your arms around me.” She gives his shoulder a kiss. “You wanna tell me what’s wrong?”

“Nothing’s wrong,” he mumbled.

She flicked his neck. “Don’t lie to me, Steve Rogers. Don’t you start that shit so soon on your trip, please.”

“It’s nothing, I promise.” He gave her neck a kiss and lifted his head. “I’m just really tired with all this school stuff and I’ve been missing you a lot.”

She laid a hand on his face, thumb gently stroking his cheekbone. “Are you sure,” she murmured. At his nod, she pressed a kiss to his cheek. “I can’t do anything about the school stress, but you’re here with me now. And I’ve missed you a lot too.” She gave a kiss to his other cheek. Then one to his nose. And one to his chin. His brow. His eyes. Slowly and then quicker and louder, obnoxiously peppering his face and neck in kisses, holding his head hostage until he started laughing. Steve started pulling his head away and she tried to hold him down to reach him on her tiptoes. “Don’t go,” she giggled with her lips puckered, “I can’t show you my love if you go and take away your face.”

“Put your tongue away,” he laughed, “you can’t show love with your tongue.”

“You know that’s not true. I’ve shown you love with my tongue many times, in many places.”

He stopped for a beat and looked down at her. “Touché.”

Damn. Look at her. Smiling at him all soft and gooey. He almost forgot how much he loved her. Like, he knew he did, but it was almost like a memory of that love and to be in front of her now, in her arms, he’s ashamed that he let the feeling get away.

“Come ‘ere,” she mumbled. And this time he followed where her hands led. She kept her eyes on his as she drew him closer, noses brushing, breath mixing, and right as their lips were about to touch there was a bang at the window.

They looked over just in time to see a little girl try and fail to keep her balance, falling out of the view of the window. They crack up, kiss forgotten.

“Is that who I think it is?” Steve bent down to grab his bag.

“Yeah. Yoenid is very excited to meet you in person, in case it isn’t obvious.”

They walk into the house and Yoenid is sitting on the couch, legs crossed and hands on her knees. “Sup,” she nods at Steve.

Y/N snorts. “Steve, you’ve spoken to my niece before, Yoenid. Yoenid, this is the hunky boyfriend of mine that you’ve been thirsting over for the past, oh I don’t know, four months.”

She flips her hair, “very nice to meet you in person, Steven.” She could pass for her kid if he didn’t know any better.

“You too, kid.” She ducks her head, giggling and shifting on the couch, but seeing as she’s on the edge of the cushions, she almost falls off of it.

“Alright let’s go, Stevie. I’ll show you where you’ll be staying.” As she directs him out of the living room she lags behind. “Very smooth, Joey.”

“Shut up,” she hisses.

Y/N leads him down a hall towards the back of the house and takes him to the patio. “Um. Am I sleeping in the backyard or something?” He laughs nervously.

“Or something.”

Shit. Did she find out he cheated? Is this some discreet way of calling him out on it? She did mention lying earlier. But she almost kissed him. She said she missed him. Is this some twisted form of revenge? Did she turn into some toxic version of herself looking for drama? Will she take him to the back just to smack him around out of sight of the neighbors and then kick him out on the street? It’s not like he didn’t deserve it. Ugh, he was fucked.

They exit to the side of the house and turn left. He sees a cute little house, almost like a shed but bigger. “Is that a guest house?”

“Half of it is. This door,” she gestures to the only door in front of them, “is where Mami runs her business. This other door,” she leads him to the side of the little building, “is the guest house.” She opens the door to a decently sized room with a small kitchenette to the left, a little table with two chairs, a full bed in front of him and a small closet on the wall next to him. It was filled with her belongings, and some of his, he noted. One of his hoodies was hanging off the back of one of the chairs.

“Surprise,” she cheers. “You’ll be staying with me! Don’t worry, we’ve got air conditioning.” It was a good thing, because she liked to joke that her tropical blood made her run hot and that’s why she was so warm at night. “We also don’t have a toilet here so we have to go in the house to shower and stuff.”

He sets his bag down and tells her he thinks it's nice. She thanks him and tells him he can put his stuff away. While he does, she asks him how his trip went and how their friends back home are doing. As they talk, they fall into a familiar rhythm and he beats himself up more for letting a little bit of distance make him believe they were growing apart.

Unattended. Although he didn’t like how it made him sound like a bratty kid or something, it was the only word that seemed to fit how he’d been feeling. He knew that Y/N had a legitimate reason for not talking to him every single day. A dying mother? Yeah, that’ll do it.

It’s just that for the past two and a half years they spent most of their time together. They lunched together when they could, they lived with each other, would text each other like all day long. Now, they’d skype every couple days, some of the calls kinda short, and the texts didn’t flow like they used to. Sometimes it’d be hours between responses. And he knows he sounds bratty. Like a spoiled kid. Like someone who doesn’t understand that adults have lives and responsibilities and can’t constantly be on the phone, and it makes him feel ba-

No. You know what? A part of him stomps his foot deep in his mind. He misses his girlfriend, dammit. He has a right to miss his girlfriend, and just because he misses her doesn’t mean that he can’t rationally understand why she’s away. They can go hand in hand, it doesn’t have to be an either or situation.

He sighs.

It still doesn’t excuse the cheating.

A part of him wants her to come back to him regardless of how her mother is doing and what he’s done. She’d been dealing with it for years and is just fine, she doesn’t really need Y/N around, right?

Oh my god, no! Don’t think that you asshole. Of course she needs her. Y/N would never forgive herself if she didn’t do all she could for her mother and he would never forgive himself for taking her from her mother when she needs her the most.

He’d never forgive himself for cheating on her either.

“My mom should be back from the store by now, we should go say hi.” As soon as they walk out, they hear a car door slam. “Ooh, perfect timing,” she smiles.

The walk back to the house takes way too long, everything moving at half speed. He can feel the itch of oncoming sweat in his pits and he can’t figure out if the reason he’s sweating is the stupid Florida heat or the stress of meeting her mother. The times that they met over skype she was always very observant, sometimes being quicker than Y/N to notice something was wrong. Meeting the parents on a good day is a big enough deal, but meeting them after cheating on their kid? Of cheating on the child of someone who had a history of throwing hands at everyone and their mother? Well, that’s a whole other beast. A beast he was not ready to meet and admittedly too scared to try to slay.

His girlfriend opens the gate on the fence to meet her mother out in front of the house. By the time they get there though, there’s an empty car with a trunk full of groceries open. Y/N mentions she must already be inside and offers to go get her. He stops her and insists that he’ll take in all the groceries, its a little thing, the very least he could do when she was letting him stay at her house.

After she leaves, he tries to take a moment to collect himself. Take a few deep breaths, roll the tension out of his body. It doesn’t really work.

Luckily, Y/N’s mom didn’t have a whole lot of groceries and he was able to bring them all in at once.

He’s walking into the house and is greeted by her mother, a small, loud woman with Y/N’s smile and gestures. They sit and talk while she gets him some coffee and he can see her mother look at him some type of way, knows she can see that he’s not quite himself, that something’s wrong. She knows his usual flow of conversation, how big his smile really gets, how his real laugh sounds. She’s looking at him with a mother’s eyes, intrusive and all knowing and scary as hell, and he’s worried she’s gonna say something to Y/N.

He tried to act as naturally as possible, but it was the uber all over again. He was too chalant. Steve couldn’t help but feel like her mom could notice how stiff he was. He was so tense his shoulders and upper middle back were starting to ache, like when it's really cold outside and he’s stopped shivering and everything just locks in place to try to stop himself from getting colder.

All throughout dinner, he tried to act natural, but he couldn’t taste the food. His cheeks felt pinched, smiles fake, head hurting because of how long he tried to hold his eyebrows high in a happy, casual manner and not bunched and frowning.

Luckily for him, Y/N didn’t seem to notice how weird he was being, and he probably would be a little more relaxed if her mother wasn’t looking at him like that. It almost seemed like she could read his mind, like she knew what he did and a little more.

She always told them the Holy Spirit told her things. Supposedly that was how she was able to call out Y/N for sleeping with him before getting married because the Holy Spirit told her, helped her notice the change in Y/N’s face, which was a bit ridiculous because he wasn’t her first. Could it be happening right now? Could she see some kind of invisible, spiritual change in his face? Did it tell her he’d not only thought of cheating but did? That he was ashamed of himself? That he was too much of a coward to break it off with her daughter that he sent her into the arms of his childhood best friend, but too selfish to actually want to let her go?

He didn’t know he was holding his breath until her mom kissed them goodnight and wished them well.

They stayed up watching tv for a bit with her niece between them. When she goes to sleep they’re somehow not cuddling, not touching, although they were sitting kinda close, close enough to touch but both too scared to make the move, like they could both feel something was a little off, like there was a change coming, their time limited. Maybe he was overthinking it. They hadn’t seen each other in months, it should’ve been for them to cuddle to the point of melding together.

If anyone from the outside were to see them, they’d think he’s some first time visitor, a teenage boy wracked with nerves over being left alone with his crush.

He’s wracked with nerves all right, but not with the type he should have. He missed her, he really did, but right now all he feels is guilt. Guilt over wishing she’d leave her mom to stay with him, over looking at Peggy the way he knows he shouldn’t, over doubting the strength of their relationship, over doubting their relationship in general, over trying to play matchmaker with her and his old friend, sending her to him so she’d eventually break up with him, trying to sabotage her into cheating before she finds out he did.

He can feel her watching him, but he pretends to be paying attention to whatever the fuck is on the screen. They’re both really quiet for a while and the longer he tries to ignore her and act like nothing's wrong while pretending to pay attention to the tv the harder he can feel her watching him. Heat is creeping up his neck and the itchy feeling in his pits is coming back.

The feeling of her foot poking him startles him enough to make him jump.

“Are you sure you’re alright? You’ve been acting weird all night.” She looks at him with eyebrows furrowed and biting the inside of her cheek.

He tries to smile, tries to give her some kind of answer, but the words are stuck in his throat in the same way when you eat something too dry and don’t drink anything to wash it down.

She stops biting her cheek and stares, waiting for him to say something. He can feel the tension building, knows the flush climbing his neck is making his ears red red. He’s scared shitless. He knows he’s gotta tell her the truth, knows that he should break up with her for her own good. But he’s scared.

What if she starts crying? What if she gets mad and gets physical? Starts yelling and throwing shit around, making him feel worse than what he already does. Calls him out on all the wrong things he did in their relationship. How sometimes he worried too much about what other people would think of him and not do what he needed to do because of it. Like telling Peggy to back the fuck off because he was in a committed relationship because he didn’t want her to not like him anymore. Or like the time some classmates of his made some lewd comments about Y/N and he didn’t say anything because he didn’t want the rest of the project time to be awkward.

What if she called him out for the coward that he was? Asking why he even bothered to come here when he’d known what he did and could’ve just broken up with her over the phone or something. Said she never wanted to see him again and to rot in hell. Told him all the things she didn’t like about him.

It wasn’t until he felt her hand on his cheek that he realized he’d been hyperventilating. “Your mind is running wild. Can I help you slow it down?”

He can’t find the words so he nods instead. She gently moves him until he’s laying on the couch with his head in her lap. Once he gets comfortable she starts to run her fingers through his hair while she continues watching whatever it was she was watching.

As much as he wants it to help, her fingers running through his hair is actually making things worse. Steve can’t help but think back on all the times they did just this, decompressing after midterms or just relaxing after not seeing each other the whole day. Or when she’d be on her period and just needed some company while she was feeling down. He’d play with her hair, massage her scalp, run his finger down her nose till she fell asleep.

Why did he mess up such a good thing?

Was it because he was nervous about moving into their own place when she got back from taking care of her mother? Or was it because they wanted different things out of life? Only one of them wanted kids and marriage and it wasn’t her. He dreamed of having those thing, he wanted that apple pie life. The American dream. Did he really want to stay with someone when he knew that eventually it had to end? Did he really want to stay in a relationship that was going nowhere?

No. You know what, he’s tired of thinking about this, obsessing over things that can’t be changed.

His hand makes its way to her cheek and he silently urges her to look at him. “Kiss me,” he mumbles.

One thing leads to another and they find themselves in their shared room.

No matter how many tingles her touch sends down his spine he can’t take his mind completely off of the fact that he betrayed her.

A sick part of him can’t help but to compare her to Peggy. They’re totally different and she’s known him longer, knows what gets him going, how to make him lose his train of thought. But they’re both holding back and as good as it feels they both know something’s off. Their climaxes are as good as they can be with both parties distracted and after they’ve not seen each other for months.

The post sex cuddles are exactly what he needs though, and he feels more connected to her than he has the entire evening. Her head is on his chest, arm slung over his waist, leg draped over his own. Steve’s hand is slowly tracing circles over her arm as she falls asleep mumbling how much she loves him. He smiles. He missed her so much, he missed this so much. He missed holding her, having her with him. He missed her attention.

Not long after his girlfriend has fallen asleep, Steve can hear his phone vibrate. He gently slips out from beneath her and goes for his phone in his discarded pants.

It’s Peggy.

He answers as quietly as he can, scolding her for calling while she knows he’s with his girlfriend. They have a little back and forth and she manages to soften him up enough to admit that he misses her too.

He lays back down while talking to her and somehow ends up getting off to the sounds of her masturbating on the other end of the phone.

Yeah. He’s not a good guy.

_

A/N: I've read over this so many times and am still not completely satisfied, but please let me know what you think and if you'd be interested in any follow ups to this particular pairing. If anything sounds kinda familiar, it's because it was intended to be a Definitely, Maybe AU but it changed and isn't really that anymore

i'm not really one to do taglists but feel free to check out my blog for the fics and just the fics @valthevalkyrielibrary

[koishua]

tw. just a crap ton of ranting

when you're not good at keeping contact with anyone and don't feel close with anyone so you feel like guilty to hit them up just because you are going through some shit and don't have a single person to talk to but that would be so, so selfish of you to message them or call them just because you aren't feeling good and because you need them at the moment (not really them bc it could be anyone else since you don't feel at all close to anyone but alas you'd feel the same shitty way at the end for the same reasons as aforementioned) but you really need someone to just listen to you or else you'll resort to some old dire methods to regulate the pain, confusion, anger and fear of disappointment, which, in turn, will make you feel even more guilty bc oh god what have you done you were doing so well you're so good at fucking up no wonder you don't have anyone you sad pathetic asshole who only reaches out to someone not to catch up with them or to ask them how they're doing oh no no no you only wanted to call them to tell them that you are so close to the edge and needed someone to know.

in the end you sit back down on your sofa staring into nothing as the light from your screen abruptly turns off after having the screen open, untouched, for however long you've set the timer to turn off your screen and your only company is the feeling of endless guilt and anger at your inability to be as nice and giving as the people you are acquainted with and what makes matters even worse is that they sent you a message not even a week ago asking about your day that you ignored yet again bc you're a selfish, incapable piece of shit. you're all alone and it's all your fault and you're spiraling down that familiar pit of darkness again, refusing to do anything to crawl out of it and try to heal bc a therapist costs 50 euros an hour and you're too greedy to give that kind of money to someone who will just sit there and listen to you trying to communicate your feelings but are too hesitant to do so bc you're not used to talking about how you feel with anyone and so you feel even worse after the session ends bc you ended up wasting 50 euros that you worked hard to earn.

you could ask your mom and dad for some help and they would gladly give you that money but you don't ask for help bc any time you try to hint at your declined mental state, they make it their mission to give you an unwanted lecture about life and responsibilities and how you'll find peace when you make dua and you know that what they're saying is true and that you'll very much feel better if you got up and prayed to Allah but you don't bc you feel guilty for not being a good kul of His and you know that that's a stupid sentiment and that you shouldn't ever hesitate on asking something from Him and you can always always ask for His forgiveness and start over but that's not the point rn the point is that your parents never take your problems too seriously bc they've "gone through worse" and through the years you've slowly conditioned yourself to believe that your problems are not bad enough to ask for help and that you should be able to handle them alone and there are countless children dying out there rn due to wars and famine that's caused by said wars (or at least the aftermath of it) and you should be grateful you have a solid roof over your head and have both of your parents by you and that you are physically healthy and have opportunities your parents never even heard of when they were your age despite being brilliant people (they were poor and malnourished and you know that but every time you look at your mom's older pictures, she looks so skinny and pretty and you want that too even though you know she was very unhealthy and for years starting from when you were seven years old until even now, because that's what your dad had grown used to seeing, he's called you his "potato princess" for being a normal weight and that's also grown into a complex with you and now you think that in order for this one guy you really really admire and want the best thoughts of to like you and admire you the same, you have to be as thin (and thus as pretty) as the skinny and gorgeous girls he must see everyday around him) and now you feel bad bc you can never measure up to what they've achieved with what little they had

bc you have been moving around all your life through different countries on four different continents and you've changed 11 schools in 11 years, which explains your inability to make any real connections with anyone and your grades that declined as the years went on by (even though you know that you're pretty smart) with the constant language and environment and culture switches and you never told them that you were struggling until only last year when you started skipping classes and starting your unhealthiest habits yet and now suddenly after being the golden and perfect child, you're their problem teen and now you're trying your best to prove to them that you are capable even though you've shown them time and time again that you handle everything they throw at you more than fine by taking on more responsibilities and jobs than you should and now everything is crumbling again one by one bc you have too many things to do at once and you just want to fall asleep and never wake up again but you are afraid of not having perfected your deen yet.

so you just sit there.

saying nothing.

paralyzed.

[musicforants]

Well, it’s been quite a year. I have to admit with the pandemic + election, I spent most of the year retreating to my musical comfort zone, listening to the familiar instead of seeking out new music (with a few exceptions for long-time favorites), and with that I didn’t make a single post in 2020 until now. In recent weeks though, I’ve been playing catch up and discovered a wealth of new music that I truly love, enough that I could create this list of favorites and feel like there was still much more I wish I could include.

I hope these albums and songs can bring you joy in these difficult times as well as in the (hopefully) better days to come. Click here to listen to my full 75-track Best Songs of 2020 playlist on Spotify (or Apple Music).

Favorite Albums of 2020

01. Sufjan Stevens - The Ascension 02. SAULT - Untitled (Black Is) / Untitled (Rise) 03. Phoebe Bridgers - Punisher 04. Taylor Swift - folklore / evermore 05. Perfume Genius - Set My Heart On Fire Immediately 06. Caribou - Suddenly 07. Waxahatchee - Saint Cloud 08. Fleet Foxes - Shore 09. Run The Jewels - RTJ4 10. Destroyer - Have We Met

11. Soccer Mommy - color theory 12. Tame Impala - The Slow Rush 13. Jessie Ware - What’s Your Pleasure 14. Andy Shauf - Neon Skyline 15. Jeff Rosenstock - NO DREAM 16. Bright Eyes - Down In The Weeds, Where The World Once Was 17. Helena Deland - Someone New 18. The Flaming Lips - American Head 19. Kelly Lee Owens - Inner Song 20. Hum - Inlet

21. Bob Dylan - Rough and Rowdy Ways 22. Charli XCX - how i’m feeling now 23. The Mountain Goats - Getting Into Knives 24. Yves Tumor - Heaven To A Tortured Mind 25. Adrienne Lenker - songs 26. TOPS - I Feel Alive 27. Bartees Strange - Live Forever 28. Tennis - Swimmer 29. Lianne La Havas - Lianne La Havas 30. Nation of Language - Introduction, Presence

Favorite Songs of 2020

01. SAULT - Wildfires 02. Sufjan Stevens - The Ascension 03. Phoebe Bridgers - Kyoto 04. Perfume Genius - On The Floor 05. Bob Dylan - Murder Most Foul 06. Soccer Mommy - circle the drain 07. Jessie Ware - What’s Your Pleasure? 08. Waxahatchee - Lilacs 09. Romy - Lifetime 10. Run The Jewels - walking in the snow

11. Fleet Foxes - Sunblind 12. U.S. Girls - 4 American Dollars 13. Caribou - Home 14. Taylor Swift - the last great american dynasty 15. Yves Tumor - Gospel For A New Century 16. Kelly Lee Owens - On 17. Tame Impala - Breathe Deeper 18. beabadoobee - Care 19. Khruangbin & Leon Bridges - Texas Sun 20. Charli XCX - forever

21. Jeff Rosenstock - N O  D R E A M 22. TOPS - I Feel Alive 23. Andy Shauf - Neon Skyline 24. 070 Shake - Guilty Conscience 25. Bright Eyes - To Death’s Heart (In Three Parts) 26. Tennis - Tender as a Tomb 27. The Flaming Lips - Flowers of Neptune 6 28. Destroyer - Cue Synthesizer 29. Bartees Strange - Boomer 30. The Strokes - The Adults Are Talking

31. Fiona Apple - Shameika 32. Dua Lipa - Cool 33. Future Islands - For Sure 34. Helena Deland - Someone New 35. Caroline Rose - Feel The Way I Want 36. Matt Berninger - All For Nothing 37. Lianne La Havas - Bittersweet (Full Length) 38. Adrianne Lenker - anything 39. The Mountain Goats - Picture of My Dress 40. Jessey Lanza - Lick in Heaven

41. Nation of Language - On Division St. 42. Laura Marling - Held Down 43. The Weeknd - Blinding Lights (Chromatics Remix) 44. Hum - Step Into You 45. Thundercat - Dragonball Durag 46. Wolf Parade - Julia Take Your Man Home 47. I Break Horses - Neon Lights 48. Frances Quinlan - Your Reply 49. Dogleg - Kawasaki Backflip 50. Sylvan Esso - Ferris Wheel

Link to full 75-track playlist on Spotify / Apple Music

[costellos]

a/n: I was listening to more Dua Lipa and I thought to myself “wow Mista would like a lot of these songs” and it just. spiraled from there lmao. these are headcanons that I’ve referenced in previous works, plus some new ones. I also wanted an excuse to talk about 90′s / y2k stuff so..... here are some miscellaneous headcanons about ya fav boys!

tw: mentions of Giorno and Fugo’s backstory

❥ ┋ ❝ random bucci gang headcanons!

bruno bucciarati.

the most fashionable out of the group. he’s not afraid to try daring fabrics and clashing patterns. although he dresses like a Gucci model, Bucciarati hates luxury brand name clothes. it’s such a gross display of wealth. and as someone who grew up in a lower-middle class home, he doesn’t understand why anyone would spend more than 100 euros on a shirt.

Bucciarati doesn’t like sleeping in. he feels like he’s wasted too much of the day if he wakes up past 10 AM. as a result, he tends to wake up somewhere around 5 AM every morning. part of it is out of habit as a fisherman’s son, part of it is being a workaholic. he spends his morning completing paperwork, but if there isn’t any to do, he’ll take a walk around Naples.

he’s the biggest movie fiend behind Mista. although there are some serious films that he really likes, such as Reservoir Dogs, dumb action movies are his guilty pleasure. Water World and Judge Dredd are so fucking awful yet he can’t help but love them.

leone abbacchio.

he’s the one everyone goes to when they need a disguise. Abbacchio knows exactly how to contour your face so that you’re barely recognizable. likewise, he’s really keen on how certain people dress. he can put together an outfit perfect for a masquerade party or infiltrating a construction zone.

Abbacchio is actually quite paternal around the younger members like Narancia and Fugo. kind of like an asshole older brother. he’ll tell them not to do fuckshit, but won’t stop them if they won’t listen. likewise, he’s there to offer an ear if they need it (even if he’s not the best at comforting).

I’ve said it once and I’ll say it again!! Abbacchio is a really good cook. his nonna taught him everything he knows. she’s since passed, so he cooks as a way to feel closer to her and provide for the team. although he likes healthy dishes the most, he tends to make fatty savory foods since that’s what the team likes.

giorno giovanna.

he’s always the last to get jokes. sometimes Fugo will have to explain it to him, but most of the time Giorno will just laugh along with the group to feel included. it’s only recently that he’s been able to let his guard down (especially considering his home life). even if he doesn’t understand the joke, he’s just happy to see everyone smiling.

he’s the first to offer praise to his teammates. despite his stoic exterior, Giorno wants everyone to feel included in what they do. some take it as sarcasm due to his blunt way of speaking, yet he means everything that he says.

Giorno has a sweet tooth, especially for chocolate treats. chocolate pudding may be one of his favorite foods, but he’s fond of anything he can get his hands on. and it doesn’t matter of it’s dark (though dark is his favorite), milk, or white — he likes ‘em all. he just hates Hershey’s chocolate. the way it just disintegrates on your tongue... eugh.

guido mista.

surprisingly, Mista’s the most religious out of the group. he’s not the typical God-fearing Catholic, though he was raised in that household. he'll mumble a small prayer before a particularly dangerous mission, but he stopped going to Mass after joining Passione. he doesn’t feel like it’s his place as a mobster to go.

he’s the biggest pop culture fiend in the group. he loves celebrity gossip, reading movie trivia, and catching up on the latest buzz around the newest episode of 90210. he doesn’t really care about the genre or celebrity, he likes learning about everything. (just don’t bring up that time he bawled at Titanic’s ending. it’s a sore subject.)

on that note, Mista loves to read. he prefers tabloids, but he’ll read whatever helps to pass time between missions. he likes crime noir fiction the most, followed by thrillers. if he’s going to read a book, he wants to be enthralled by it.

narancia ghirga.

while Mista’s the champion of movie / tv and celebrity knowledge, Narancia excels at music trivia. he can go on and on about Tupac and Biggie’s rivalry if you’ll let him. he’s best at hip hop history, but he’s knowledgeable on most genres (he’s not a fan of classical or country).

because of his interest in hip hop, Narancia’s trying to get more into poetry. Fugo’s having him read Shel Silverstein as an introduction. so far Narancia thinks a lot of it is boring, but there are a few that he enjoys. the poem Masks hit him a little too hard.

despite his lack of academic knowledge, Narancia is the most socially-aware out of the group. he’s really in tune with what the others are feeling. he can tell when someone is pretending to be okay with ease. while some may say that it’s a result of growing up the streets, he’s always been like this. he’s just an empathetic guy.

pannacotta fugo.

Fugo’s way of dressing is heavily inspired by Bucciarati. Fugo respects him a lot, so he tries to emulate him whenever he can. he was actually quite self-conscious of his swiss cheese suit. yet Bucciarati told him to try one thing that scares him every day and... it just stuck. 

he goes by his last name because there are too many negative memories associated with his first. he can still remember his mother cooing “my little strawberry” at him. he’ll never forgive either of his parents, so using his last name helps him move on from his past.

Mista frequently pesters Fugo to trade books with him, though Fugo isn’t too keen on it... mostly because he thinks Mista’s taste is trash he’s not interested in whatever Mista’s reading. Fugo’s more of a classics guy. that changed when the gunslinger let him borrow Wiseguy (the inspiration for Goodfellas). Fugo trusts him a little bit more now. just a little.