#drink very deeply

[ah-b-plus]

Excellent. Took several years, but made it to the end.

Ambition: Nemesis spoilers by the way.

I should add some of own commentary on this, probably, so here we go.

I originally began playing Fallen London in I think 2021, because I saw a gif of a meme of a kid rapidly speaking on Discord with the captions "Play" on the top of the gif, and "Fallen London" on the bottom of the gif and I was like, 'hmmm, what is Fallen London?'

So I joined out of curiosity, and the rest was history.

I played Fallen London for like a year before dropping it. I did do that Whitsun, as I had hapennies when I came back, and maybe I did do a bit of Chime's Grand Clearing Out? Could be misremembering. I wasn't around for the whole Horticulture thing, which, is a shame, honestly would have wanted to be a part of that, but yeah.

Regardless, I started Ambition: Nemesis simply because it seemed more story based compared to the others. My main account wasn't really roleplaying at this point, and to this day, it really isn't. It has my general username, and even if I tried to translate it into an OC, I feel like it really wouldn't work, which, well, made the story somewhat lost on me, unfortunately.

That said, it wasn't like I had some fun. I remember being absurdly scared of Seeking, especially since I never encountered it until Christmas, because I remember looking at Eaten Sacks and just seeing the whole **do not do this** sort of thing and I just freaked out. These days, I would gladly accept a crumb, but back then, I was new, I was scared, the well was a black hole I wasn't ready to jump in yet.

My main account ain't jumping in there at all even now anyways.

Eventually, I did drop Fallen London. It kinda just faded from my memory. There wasn't a day when I went, NO MORE LONDON, it was just, yeah, shrug, forgor.

Fast forward to around last Hallowmas, after sorting my bookmarks, I saw Fallen London, and that shit hit me like some correspondent shoving everything violant down my eyes.

And so I got back into it, and even began several different alts, three dedicated to the other ambitions, two to seeking, which one is to toss themselves into the void and the other is to turn back, and one that's just a mailman.

Also, they are much more proper OCs than my main account.

As such, shenanigans ensued. My attention was sort of divided between all these ambitions and just the resource intensive seeking, so I kinda was just all over the place like someone had just tossed all of my paperwork onto the floor and said, 'fill it all out'.

It was fun though, maybe I'll go in depth for each of the accounts later but back to Ambition: Nemesis

Honestly, I was kinda just stuck on Knifegate for a while. I did some of Heart's Game and Great Game Renown grinding, selling off stuff and stolen kisses as I did. I am so thankful I lucked out and got the success on the first try, my god, a good half of those knives were from before the Rat Market update halved the price of those knives.

Either way, now at the end of the Ambition, I can say, yeah, pretty good. It's pretty character driven, which uh, helps out my other OC writing for lore, but, considering my main account wasn't made for RPing in the first place and was just there to be there... Yeah, I couldn't really enjoy it in the same way as I have been with the other ambitions, simply because I didn't really make a character to RP with here. It was just me existing.

Still, I did manage to get to the end. My first Ambition finished. A great accomplishment still, if I say so myself. Maybe I'll do it again with another account just to slip much more into character. But not right now.

If you're still here reading my ramblings, stand up, move around, raise a cup of whatever suits your fancy, and drink deeply. It's still a time of celebration.

A new true denizen of the neath joins the rest, after all, and I hope to see more of the neath in all its beauty.

[akai-anna]

Hello there, dear @itsokaytomakemosstakes!

I was your assigned gift maker for the @dcmk-exchange event!

Ever since you shared your lovely mugs with me, the thought that Ran would get them as a matching kitty set for herself and Conan, wouldn't leave me alone. So I decided to embrace the idea; for both the headcanon and the personal touch.

Originally I planned something more silly, but the soothing vibes of my first sketch were just so lovely, I went with this instead (especially since I thought you might appreciate a bit of peace).

I hope you'll like this, and I really have enjoyed chatting with you, Moss!

[waitineedaname]

can't stop thinking about butch shang qinghua.... she's the pathetic butch rep we need

[iamhereonlytobeanunstableshipper]

Ok so. I just saw a Reddit comment (idk why I get on reddit fandom cause it always ends up making me mad) saying that the Alastor and Husk scene was probably the first time Alastor was that violent towards Husk because of him talking back to Al in the first place.

Aka, Alastor isn't abusive to Husk, except for that one time. And ISTG that comment made me want to crawl into the darkest pit of hell (ha, get it?).

SO, let's explain why Alastor's treatment of Husk isn't a one time thing.

Husk and abuse: a character analysis.

First of all, let's explain Husk's personality and why he acts the way he does.

Husk's character is presented to us as a grumpy old alcoholic who only wants people to leave him the fuck alone. He doesn't care about the hotel, about any of its members, or about Alastor's plans. He doesn't want to collaborate, he doesn't want to be there, and he doesn't care enough to act as though he does.

But, reality is:

Husk cares. Way more than he wishes he did.

He doesn't show it often, but he cares. He shows it when he calls Sir Pentious, Charlie, Vaggie and Angel out at the beginning of Masquerade, and ofc, he shows it with Angel throughout this whole chapter.

(I find the heart motif on Husk's demon form to be very interesting, actually. I like to think that one of the things Husk hates the most about himself is that, as much as he wants to fake otherwise, as much as he sees it as a weakness, as much as it just complicates everything, he cares. And death taunts him with that, displaying for everyone to see the heart he so desperately wants to hide.)

Also, Husk is very good at reading people. He hates fakeness, he hates lies, he hates people being dense because they're trying to ignore a reality about themselves.

All of these things get on his nerves enough to show that he, in fact, cares.

And he sure as fuck loves (maybe a bit too much) winning an argument against someone who's pissing him off.

So, let's go to Alastor.

A while ago I saw an amazing post (that now i cant find aaaa if someone finds it pls let me know) that talked about how this isn't the expression of someone who's just been beaten at poker, but it's an expression of sadness and betrayal.

This post implied, therefore, that Husk and Alastor had built a previous relationship of trust before the betrayal, either platonic or romantic (which had been just manipulation from Alastor's side, just like he's now doing with Charlie)

If we take this into account, it makes more sense why Husk would care about Mimzy being trouble. Not only for the safety of the rest at the hotel, but also just a tiny little bit, for Alastor's own safety.

Don't get me wrong, I'm very sure that Husk hates Alastor, but there's this tiny, annoying part of him that can't help but care.

So, let's cut to the infamous scene.

Husk didn't confront Alastor because he had never been violent towards him before. Husk confronted Alastor because he cares, and because people being stupid gets on his nerves, and because he finds it hard to hold back when he knows he's right.

Also, it had been 7 years since he had seen Alastor. It's normal that he's gained more confidence to confront him.

AND, despite all of this, he was reluctant in the beggining.

In the first screenshot, Husk gets visibly angry at Alastor because of his dismissive attitude while his back is turned at him. But when Husk speaks again, you can see him visibly holding back, choosing his words carefully with that "I mean".

(Go rewatch the scene if you wanna, it's way more clear that way than via screenshots ksdldf)

Compare this to the much more accusatory way Husk was calling out Chaggie, Sir Pentious and Angel in back chapter 4. Husk is being careful with Alastor.

Despite all we know about Husk's personality that leads him to warn Alastor about Mimzy in the first place, Husk still holds all of that back.

Why? Cause he knows better than to say something that might anger him.

It's only when Alastor touches Husk and calls him his pet that Husk loses his temper.

As we know, Husk has VERY strong personal boundaries (probably some of them come from Alastor's touch itself)

Alastor trespassing his boundaries is what makes Husk stop thinking logically. He's pissed, and he hates Alastor, and he hates how he makes him feel so powerless, so insignificant, like less of a human.

And he bites back.

The comment I saw implied that Husk said the "big talk for someone who's also on a leash" because he thought it wouldn't have any major effect on Alastor, and he unknowingly touched a touchy subject.

But this is even slightly out of character for Husk. He didn't say it because he didn't think it would make Alastor mad, he said it because he knew it would make him mad.

Husk is fucking amazing at reading people. He knew it was a touchy subject. He wasn't thinking about consequences, he was thinking about pissing Alastor off, about regaining control.

(He's a gambler, cmon. Searching for control and power without minding the consequences is his thing.)

This is NOT a "what the fuck is he doing?" face. It's an "oh no, not again" face.

And immediately, he tries to take it back. The rush of making Alastor mad passes away the moment he pulls out the chain, and Husk knows what's coming.

Alastor has done that before. Judging by Husk's body language, there's NO way on earth he hasn't.

One VERY important thing to take into account is: victims have personalities.

Of course, victims tend to have unifying factors in their trauma responses due to similar experiences, but overall: a victim isn't an archetype, it's a person.

There are different types of abuse. Everyone reacts differently towards abuse.

Saying that Husk isn't being abused by Alastor just because he talks back is. Well. Kinda weird, isn't it?

(Maybe I'm exaggerating but doesn't it sound like victim blaming a bit??)

The important thing is that this is how Valentino and Alastor treat Angel and Husk:

Yes, they are different types of abuse. Yes, Angel and Husk's reactions to it are different.

But this doesn't make one kind less valid than the other. And just because Alastor isn't sexually abusive to Husk, that doesn't mean Husk's abuse is "less important" (this isn't a competition, ffs)

Husk's personality, Husk's hatred of stupidity, Husk's reactive nature, Husk's strong boundaries, don't automatically disappear when he's talking with his abuser. He's still Husk.

And yet, we can still see the signs of abuse, such as Husk holding back at the beginning because he knows what Alastor may do if he's mad, or him flinching away slightly when Alastor turns suddenly to look at him, or him trying to take back what he just said immediately because he's scared of the consequences.

And, let's be serious. Alastor is a serial killer. He enjoys watching people suffer. He enjoys knowing that people fear him.

And, since he's on a "leash", as Husk said, I'm very sure this hurts his ego a whole lot. So, it makes sense that he loves feeling that he has control over the souls he owns, that they fear him, to forget he's not completely free himself.

It's not so far fetched to assume that Alastor gets a quick and an ego boost out of seeing Husk like that, terrified and shivering on the ground. So I don't believe he hasn't done it before.

(And I mean, even if this only happened the one time we see it in the show, it would still be abusive?? It would be Alastor using his power to physically and psychologically torment Husk, which is abuse, even if it's only once ((which i highly doubt)))

In conclusion: Alastor is an abuser. There's no way around it. And Husk is a victim of abuse.

Sorry this got long SLKDS

Tbh I think everything I said here is pretty obvious?? Like to me that scene always read as a way of the show telling us Alastor's true colors once no one's watching, and the way he treats Husk. Like, it didn't even cross my mind that it might have been an isolated occurrence.

But the comment had around 50 upvotes so?? Idk I just wanted to rant about this lmao

[barbieaiden]

rememberwhen he. remember. when. when.when. he

[canisalbus]

So sorry you had a rough time getting labs drawn :( I have to get labs and ivs multiple times a month (I'm all good, it's just to monitor my med levels!), but one of my needle-coping methods may help with the stress (the pain is always there to some level though).

When the nurse is lining up the needle, I turn my head away, gently close my eyes (tightly closing them makes my body tense, so I try to stay "" "angelic" ""), take a deep almost meditative inhale thru the nose, and exhale through the mouth as the needle is inserted and oriented.

It doesn't remove the sting of the needle, but it keeps me from building up the anxiety even further. It takes some practice, but the closed eyes and deep breath at least somewhat centers my mind away. Drinking a lot of fluids before lab draws also makes the process a bit easier as your veins are fuller and easier to find. You could also try the other arm (my right has very visible veins, but no lab has managed to get a draw from them so I always offer my left instead)

Getting jabbed in the nerve must have been awful :( I wish you a better experience next time. ❤️

That sounds like good and practical advice, thank you! I'll try to keep it in mind next time.

Really I'm just extremely bitter and disappointed that drawing blood is becoming this scary thing now, after I've spent most of my life relatively unbothered by needles.

[carnivalcarriondiscarded]

ok but how funny would it be if i put a lil Shenanigan in the Lights Out au where a couple of teenagers break into the ~spooky abandoned studio~ and throw Eddie in the water. like. they just find him and toss his little 4ft body in the Lake™️for shits and gigs

[faaun]

ive talked to a lot of ppl who have taken vyvanse now and i think ik a bit more on how i need to live on it

[rabbithaver]

every so often i will see a post from a leftist on this website that is so egregiously ableist that i remember that like. oh yeah the userbase of leftists on this website is violently anti-disabled people and will jump at any chance to demonize any of us for any reason. i just forget that fact because i'm extremely dedicated to curating my space

i'm paraphrasing here but i saw a post that said, "every time i see an American [disabled person] mention being scared about the election because they're afraid of losing their benefits i have to laugh. anybody who wants blood-soaked money from the US government deserves to starve" which. like. goodness that's a lot to unpack. i think we should burn the whole suitcase instead !

[minimujina]

the stimmies and the shimmies !

hi i wrote a self-indulgent drabble about kuni (wanderer) where u do some happy stimming and he wants to know why!!

ᴄᴡ. written with a neurodivergent reader in mind, but anyone can read and relate as stimming is not at all exclusive to neurodivergency :] i do not at all wish to encourage harmful stereotypes or put this behavior on a pedestal—this is simply a silly happy drabble building from my own personal experiences and i wanted to share it for anyone to enjoy!!

ᴀ/ɴ. happy flappy happy flappy flip flop flappy pap :D also this actually turned out to be really cute and doesnt only have to do with stimming—its very fluffy and funny and i really like the dialogue!! not super proofread and im very proud of myself for not hoarding this in my drafts for months!! im really happy that it only took me an evening to write this!! WEEEE

“…why are you flapping your hands?”

you stopped moving abruptly, staring at the wanderer with a blank face, expression unreadable.

it took you a moment to get the words out (because he was staring at you expectantly with his arms crossed, and that was rather intimidating), but you managed to squeak them by after some self-encouragement.

“well… im happy.”

kunikuzushi seemed to scrutinize you for a moment, and you were afraid that this had only given him another reason to dislike you. “happy? why would you be happy? i hate happy people.”

(…that’s what you imagined he would say.)

though, you obviously didn’t know him perfectly well, because what he said next was far from the venomous reply you’d feared.

he simply hummed, gaze softening a bit. “alright then.”

alright then.

you had finished your happy flapping due to the interruption, no longer feeling the urge to happy flap, but you still felt calm and content, and maybe even more so thanks to his almost… sweet response. sweet for him, at least.

the expression on his face made you feel a bit warm all of a sudden—he wouldn’t stop looking at you. it wasn’t hard to tell that his eyes were boring into your own even if you weren’t meeting them yourself. you felt like a little pot of boiling water under his gaze. a little soup. a soup of happy and confused feelings. happy soup.

what was it that had made you so very happy, kunikuzushi wondered? he kept replaying the past couple minutes in his head, trying to remember what had occurred just before this, but the only pictures in his head were of you, all bouncy and flappy and so very pleased.

perhaps he should’ve just asked you, he mused.

perhaps he would just ask you.

“what made you so happy?” he inquired, as blunt and flat as ever. but you knew him just enough to know that he would never ask such a thing if he didn’t really care—and the tone of his voice was irrelevant. he always sounded rather uninterested with anything.

you grinned, meeting his gaze. it looked as though you were holding yourself back, buzzing with a chained excitement again.

“kuni, i was happy because of you!”

a most incredulous expression crossed the wanderer’s face.

“me?”

what could kunikuzushi have done to make anyone so happy?

he studied your smile, your hands, your eyes—and he could not figure out how he could possibly be a reason that all of those lovely features of yours contained such absolute joy.

you nodded confidently. “do you want me to explain?” you could tell from kuni’s horrified expression that, firstly, he did not really believe you. and secondly, he held a deep-seated loathing for himself, which was why he could not believe you. he could not accept that there was anything good about himself.

“knock yourself out,” he murmured, still seeming dazed.

you motioned for him to sit next to you, looking like you would start jumping up and down at any second. seriously, why were you so happy?

“i was just thinking about how far you’ve come, kuni,” you began. you already looked like you were in the middle of one of your long spiels that the wanderer was so often obliged to listen to. “and it makes me really happy.”

he had to hold himself back from scoffing—not because he thought anything bad about you, but because he thought badly about himself.

“remember when nahida first made you come work with me in the nursery?” you grinned. “you were so mad. it was hilarious.”

kunikuzushi averted his gaze to the ground with a grumble, suddenly finding his shoes very interesting.

“okay, i was not mad.”

“yes, yes you were! oh my archons, you were so grumpy, kuni! you-”

“no, you are so delusional,” he retorted. “i was just-”

“grumpy?”

“no.”

“ooohhh, yes, kuni was feeling a bit grumpy, i think. you were a little grumper.”

the wanderer opened his mouth to retaliate—but he faltered, a new hint of amusement smothering his gaze.

“…you are incredibly annoying, did you know that?”

in any other situation you would’ve taken that very literally, but the faintest of smiles itched at his lips, and you knew for certain that that was his way of conceding.

you probably should’ve stopped there, but something inside you just couldn’t continue in life without saying this one last thing.

you feigned pity with a pout, widening your eyes and clasping your hands.

“...did nahida forget to give you a juicebox that day?”

kunikuzushi thrust his hat onto your head, shoving you and your hysterical laughter aside. if you could’ve seen from under the big ass hat, his glowing cheeks and sheepish grin likely would have sent you into a fit, and the wanderer just couldn’t have that.

“i am so funny,” you cackled, very obviously pleased with yourself (but you were still trapped under his hat, so your voice was very muffled, and it was much more difficult for him to take you seriously this way).

“yeah, yeah. whatever helps you sleep at night, flappy.”

“flappy?” you knocked off the hat with one sweep, an incredulous smile dancing on your lips. “you jerk!”

“yes, i know.”

“oh, you are so mean,” you grumbled, though your expression said the exact opposite.

“i’m well aware, flappy.”

“you just make me wanna—wanna—oh, why i oughta-”

“oh, please, do tell!” kunikuzushi drawled, resting his chin in his palm.

when you couldn’t seem to say anything at all, mouth agape, he closed it for you—pushing your jaw up with his pointer finger—grinning smugly like he always did.

“as auntie nahida says,” the wanderer murmured, “if you have nothing nice to say…don’t say anything at all.”

and with that, he grabbed his hat from the floor, exiting the nearly empty nursery with a dramatic flourish that was so characteristic of him. you were left sitting there for a few minutes, aghast at what had just happened, until you came to your senses.

you did a bit of happy flapping after that.

thank you for reading :)

[twentyfivemiceinatrenchcoat]

｡ﾟ( ﾟஇ‸இﾟ)ﾟ｡

hello!!!!

just here to say to say that ur works give me the best sadness ever like nose sore, tears welling up but in such a tender n nostalgic way that i wanna sit here n read ur pieces forever. i only found u cause i wanted some good ol’ poly stsg fluff n i was saur happy when i saw the sashisu piece as well!!! im currently on the quest to binge everything so im sorry about the spam likes n reblogs but ARGH! THE FEELS!!!! the way u write all the characters so tender n soft n it goes straight to my heart 🫶🫶🫶

in conclusion, heart is warm, tummy has butterflies, eyes r lowkey swollen, n there’s a smile on my face! thank u so much!!!!

(´∀｀)♡

🥺🥺🥺 HIIIIIII ALLY !!!!!!! i was just about to thank you for your tags on the sashisu fic and then i saw this….. you’re suchhhh an angel i’m gonna WEEP

FIRST OF ALLL never apologize for spam liking or rbing !!!! it makes me so happy !!!!!! T_T knowing that anyone would binge my fics is like . genuinely the best feeling ever i appreciate you soso much.. i’m so happy they could warm your heart!! 🥺 sorry about the tears though . sending satoru and suguru to wipe them away asap !!!!! hang in there!!!!!!!!

AND AND !!!!!! if you like poly stsg fics then you’re in luck :33 cause i’m planning to write another one soon!!!! just . self-indulgent …. hurt/comfort……. because i like the idea of the jjk blorbos tending to their burnt out readers……… BUTTT i hope you’ll enjoy that one whenever i post it 🥺 just gonna leave a snippet under the cut in case you’re interested….!!!!!

silently, tenderly, suguru treats the nosebleed. you’re pliant and defeated, too tired to resist, letting him hold your jaw like it’s made out of porcelain, gently dab the cotton ball around your nose. as soon as he’s pulling away, you fall back on the mattress behind you — turning on your side so that you aren’t facing them. 

”fine,” you hiss, so low they barely hear it. ”fine.”

quietly, you cradle a pillow to your chest. hiding away. sensing their heavy gazes, digging softly into your back; the weight of their insistent worry.

the two men share a look.

satoru is the first to act. moving closer, slow and tentative, leaning over the mattress to ruffle your hair. you just barely resist the urge to swat his hand away, still frustrated and ashamed… but he’s being a lot more gentle than usual. so you let his big palm run over the expanse of your head, almost delicately, without complaint. trying not to melt at the feeling.

then he’s walking out of the room. nudging suguru’s shoulder, in passing, shooting him a glance that he interprets perfectly —

take care of them, okay?

……. i just want them to coddle me 😵‍💫

[moe-broey]

There's just like a lot of things about me that make me feel like I'm profoundly unlovable

[dragpinkman]

My girl loser moment of the day is my few friends send me posts and make fun of my problems with alcohol to the point their partners I don't know send me memes about drinking and im too Me to say that it hurts my feelings in a confrontation so I just let them make fun of my problems and don't say anything

[prolibytherium]

I think it's funny how people with little to no alcohol experience writing alcohol use/abuse without researching it first often fall into extremes of either like, characters drinking a full pint glass of whiskey and being just a LITTLE tipsy, or characters (alcoholics especially) being absolutely shitfaced blackout drunk off of like a single 750 ml bottle of white wine

[skyrem]

thinkin abt argonians (like always) and the fact i have no tes vampire OCs sooo here's Drinks-Deeply 💕

[skrunksthatwunk]

coming to the realization that the list of characters i'm unfortunately very very very enthralled by who:

are awful horrible terrible people but really wonderfully written dad/dad-flavored villains

canonically know what piss tastes like for reasons very blatantly kept from the audience

who i don't hate/dislike because of point 2 (piss drinker rights) but defo hate for point 1

has expanded to two. something something 2 nickels not a lot but it's weird that it's happened twice. banking on a third one coming my way in 2024 fingers crossed but we'll see. this post is about sagawa tsukasa and clay puppington by the way.