#drift x ratchet x rodimus

[cozzzynook]

Ratchet believes he’s past his sparkling bearing years. Not even having a ton of sparklings sired by Drift (Rodimus gets one or two in there too lol) is enough to dissuade him from thinking he’s old. Honestly it’s become a running joke on the Lost Light, the harder Ratchet believes he’s past his prime, the more likely it is he’s having another sparkling.

You poor old milf medic, tut tut tut.

Should’ve been more careful with that fertile valve and those beautiful birthing hips

[mecha-milkers]

Attention Whore

Pt. 1

(Drift x Ratchet x Rodimus)

Art credit: @pypri 💖

Contains: Sticky interfacing, possessiveness, 3sum, overstim orgasm

With a frustrated growl, Ratchet scowled up at Drift, arching his back to get more friction out of Rodimus' throbbing spike. Fluid oozed out of Ratchet's eager sex, sending waves of pleasure through Rodimus. The speedster bit his glossa hard, it took every ounce of his spark not to thrust his entire self into Ratchet. Imagining his spike bottoming out in the medic's tight, wet valve made Rodimus vent harder.

"Please, Drift...do it for Rodimus. Kid's practically on fire..." Ratchet purred, wrapping his arms around Drift's neck, planting soft, loving kisses on the exposed cabling. The ex-con sighed softly, forgetting his bedroom persona for a moment, "You know what you have to do, Ratchet. You're the one in control here."

Rodimus rutted uselessly against Ratchet's inner thigh, his optics glazed over from the arousal consuming his processor, "Please, Ratch...I'm dying here." Feeling the friction of Rodimus's spike brushing near his hyper-sensitive cunt made Ratchet's vents shudder.

Ratchet squeezed his optics shut, his faceplate burning hot as he buckled under the pressure, "Have your way with me- I'm yours for the night..."

[violetaquadelight]

That one 'friend' in every group pictures:

[tinydefector]

Do you think cybertronians ever get a bit freaked out on how tough we are? Yes they can break us like toothpicks but humans seem to be able to take a good beating as well with adrenaline helping. Even our own body and oxygen trys kills us and yet we stick around like roaches. We're fragile in some reasonable and dumb ways and then resilient in the most dumbest ways.

Oh definitely, alot of the bots are very off put by how fragile humans are just in general and tend to avoid them.

But then there's the moments like Ratchet working a late shift and a small knock on the door alerts him someone's there, he turns around expecting it to be Rodimus or Whirl who he's about to scold but instead it's one of the humans and they look worse for wear. After fussing over them for a moment, detailed scans relay fractured ribs, a broken collar bone, and a heap of bruises and yet the humans just like. "Can I have some Panadol, Nurophen, and a glass of water?" Because they don't know what else to do its what they would get. Most of the times they ended up in the hospital. Ratchet is losing his God dawn mind as he rushes around looking for the best painkillers he can find for orgaincs in the smallest dosage he can give, hoping to primus it doesn't shut their heart down. In the end, they end up on a medication that makes them extremely drowsy, almost like the green whistle/ Weed.

Ratchet ends up doing alot of study on the human body and realises just how fucked up little monsters we are. We literally need oxygen to survive but he we have to much pure oxygen it will kill us. Water, we need a certain amount of it, if we don't have enough we will get dehydrated and die, if we have to much we will get water poisoning, intoxication, or a disruption of brain function. This happens when there's too much water in our cells, such as the brain and blood cells, causing them to swell. When the cells in the brain swell, they cause pressure in the brain, resulting in death. The issue is that it can become an addiction to drinking too much water for the effect it has on the body. Same with nearly everything we consume, it can kill us, but we need a lot of it in moderation.

Human: "I just need some basic pain killers and a nap"

Bot: "No, you need full surgery, sedations, and 3 weeks of recovery!"

Human: "nah she'll be fine!"

Bot: "Absolutely Not, bed now before I cuff you"

____________

Following that imagine a first contact AU where Cybertronians and humans are just slowly getting to know how the other works and next thing a human is kneeling over in horrific pain and it send the bots all into panic mode trying to help them, wondering what's happening and thinking they are dying. And the human after about ten minutes some pain killers still looking rather pale and unhealthy just go. "Sorry about that fuck I hate, Cramps/palpitations/ phantom pains/ and such" and the bots are just looking at them horrified like.

Bot: NOT NORMAL!!!"

Human: what you talking about?

Bot: everything that just happened you literally just short circuited!

Human: nah that's causal wait till you see the really funky shit.

______________

Human pet AU

Cybertronian's keeping humans as pets is like humans keeping hamsters. Humans are some of the most homicidal, suicidal and just deranged creatures that Cybertronian's could keep as pets. It's gotten to the point that they are a luxury/ exotic pet because if you do not feed them the right stuff, give them the right amount of light and socialising, and they will just die. There are so many Cybertronian's who take their human into clinics worried as and its just the human being a little bustard because they didn't get the treat they wanted 2 weeks ago and are still holding that grudge. Not to mention, we are prone to causing as much trouble and issue. We are like cats.

But we are also very easily sick and primus forbid a human gets sick because to a bot they think it's a death sentence for their sweet little spitfire of a human who they have had now for ages. And the human looks ready to die, and the next day, they are up and about like nothing ever happened.

Human: if you don't feed me the meals I want I'm going to pretend to die. If you do feed me what I want I might actually die because I shouldn't be eating it.

Panicked bot: "MY HUMAN HAS GOTTEN SICK. HELP!?!"

Human: totally worth it.

_________

In conclusion, the cybertronians are rather wary/ concerned about how resilient humans really are.

Let me know if you would like to be added to tag list (tagged for every fic)

Taglist

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@saturnhas82moons

@kgonbeiden

@murkyponds

@autobot79

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@chaihena

@nothanksjohnny

[runicarbiter02]

I’m sure this is a very common take, but I haven’t had any motivation to write fandom stuff lately, so I wanted to get this little bit down while I had the inspiration

—

Being the human partner of a Cybertronian, any Cybertronian really, and turning this huge, hulking, intimidating bot into a giant mechanical cat with some gentle touches, some kisses, and sweet words. Standing on your bot’s shoulder, gently stroking a hand over their cheekplate, and listening to that earthshaking rumble of their engine as they purr. Your bot gently nudging you with their cheek or nose when you stop, silently insisting the continued touch and affectionate words. Your bot mass displacing and crawling into your bed, arranging pillows on your lap before laying their head down and promptly falling into a well deserved recharge. (Let’s pretend that they wouldn’t shatter the bed frame just by putting a little weight on it, lmao-) Your bot trying to teach you chirolinguistics, not realizing that you don’t have the same kinds of sensors in your palm as they do, leaving you incredibly confused. Your bot relishing in the tiny flickers of unabashed emotion they get from your very weak organic EM field. Singing softly to your bot, only for them to croon one of their favorite Cybertronian tunes right back, and the both of you giggling over just how vastly different your music is from each other’s. Your bot trying to teach you the Cybertronian language, and you trying to teach them about human art/literature/philosophy/etc. You and your bot being soft and cute and fluffy. Send tweet 🏃‍♀️💨

—

I hope you don’t mind me tagging you, but you’re the one who motivated me to get back into writing!!! This lil drabble certainly isn’t my best work, but it’s the most I’ve done in awhile, haha @revelboo

[michaela-o]

A human cafe on Cybertron where you can order your own human with your drinks to keep you company !!

( heres some unfinished sketches ;3 )

[sparkriddledfever]

I'm normally not big on babies, however, i can't help but melt at the thought of these tough, war torn bots cooing and playing with the little uns.

Optimus is usually a busy mech, always at the ready should someone need him. Though it's tough for this soft giant to peel himself away from the cooing baby in their playpen; call it whatever you want but it makes his coding purr happily whenever the baby squeals joyfully when he comes into sight.

"Have you been good for your parent?"

Cue baby babbles.

"So I heard."

He's always got that baby to sleep easily. Nobody knows how he does it, but the parent appreciate it all the same.

Ratchet no matter how many times he tried to deny it. His day and others in the medbay brightens up when the liaison swings by with their bundle of joy. It took so much to keep himself from cooing when the liaison points at him "Who's that, huh? Is thhaaatt Ratchet? Wanna say hi hi?"

His spark clenches when the baby cries after getting their updated shots. He may be a grouchy grump, but he never liked hearing little uns cry so he may or may not have played peek a boo which made that smile come back quickly.

No, First Aid, he does not have a clue what you are talking about. If he finds out this gets out, he will skewer your lines.

Drift and Rodimus always seem to find their way to get some playtime in with the youngest crew member. Drift definitely felt himself ascend to some place cause the little gummy smile with the two teeth peeking out up at him had him dying and crying.

"They're so cute," he sobbed, "how do you do it?"

"Oh trust me, It takes a lot to keep myself from kissing their cheeks aggressively at bay."

Rodimus making funny faces or tickling them always makes his day. He definitely ranked them to the "most official cutest baby around".

No, Rodimus, you cannot throw them in the air.

Bumblebee is always so good with kids, but imagine his surprise when they start picking themselves up. He had to drop everything, lower to his knees and watched in awe as they started slowly and stumble their way over to him on their feet.

Frag it! He should have a camera! This is important! He cheers when they collapse in his servos, door wings fluttering while quickly comm'ing their parent.

Jazz is another mech who got a soothing presence. He always entertain the baby babbles, humming them to sleep, etc. He's the most relax and easy going that you could call them buddies since the baby is always wanting JUST him if Optimus is not there at the base.

He always laugh when they squeal happily at the sight of him. Taking them into his arms and going on a "lil ride" around the base.

Ironhide. Ohhhh, he was a sucker immediately. He can hide it under all that grouch like Ratchet, but the little tiny hands on his while holding their bottle made him vent. His optics are staring fondly as sleepy, dropping eyes stared back.

Don't tell him about the fact when you press your thumb against their foot their toes curl. Almost to mimic as if they're curling their hands around your finger.

"Why are you fraggers so cute?"

"What was that, Ironhide?"

"Nothing."

[megtrns]

how to take care of your human 101 : a psa brought to you by the lost light crew. first contact au. sfw! with slight mentions of nudity.

a/n : to preface this, it was seven am in the morning and i was supposed to catch a train in about an hour or so to go out of town alone for an errand. but as i was putting on my skincare, i began to feel so overwhelmed that i started crawling back under the covers mid-makeup. and for the first time in what i think is forever, i woke up at noon, disoriented with powder smudging my pillows. and there was just a different kind of misery to look down at my phone to realise that not only did i miss my train, but half the day was gone. but then my flatmate came and told me i put too much pressure on myself, and suddenly it clicked on me. it's always a reality check when someone you care about tells you to your face that you've been pushing yourself too hard. this made me wonder how the bots would intervene when it was obvious that their human needed a mental health break.

ratchet suspiciously eying the young medic drifting down the halls of the sickbay like a wayward ghost: with sunken eyes and sluggish movements, running on what he assumed was a quarter of your designated sleep cycle. the last straw was when he caught you asleep at a broom closet, waking up in a panic and apologizing as if it wasn't his fault for assigning you the same shifts as the others, all of whom were part of a non-organic species that could run on an empty tank for months if needed.

feeling guilty, the cmo offered to send you home. you were stubbornly resisting until he said something along the lines of 'paid leave.' that was enough to send you skipping into the parking lot so you could nosedive into your bed. when you returned after the weekend, with a pep in your step and a smile across your face, first aid had wondered aloud that he didn't know humans could glow.

minimus would take it upon himself to run you a bath, lowering himself into the bathtub so your back could rest against his chassis, knees bent and legs intertwined with his. the water is warm and welcoming, sloshing onto the tiled floor as he adjusts himself to hug you from behind. here, in the blissful silence, the bathroom was wet with steam; the precipitation clinging onto the glass of his optics, creating a lazy, unhurried atmosphere that lulled him to the edge of recharge. he listens to the sound of your breathing, slow and calm as you doze off. and he would smile fondly at the sight of your resting, knowing that this was much needed for the both of you.

rodimus, mass displaced and laughing, standing under the pouring water of your shower. he makes the stall feel crowded, but you don't mind, dangling both arms around his neck as the captain washes your hair — skin to metal, hip to hip. he said something about how he loves the smell of flowers in your hair, servos firm yet gentle as they cradle your head. he wiped the soap dripping down your brow, peppering kisses all over your face to keep you awake. but you were drowning in bliss, content and lazy, thankful for his help and enthusiasm during the days when you couldn't even take care of yourself.

drift cleverly working his servos across your shoulders, down the curve of your neck to the base of your spine. already you can feel the muscles loosening, the strain from sitting too long, melting away under his ministrations. you were also in awe at how much control he wielded, precise and careful, never once hurting you with too much force. it was hard to believe that these were the same set of servos that struck fear into the sparks of so many mechs. as he presses a soft kiss in the square of your back, you can only sigh in delight against the pillow — putty in his arms and already drifting to a dreamless sleep.

ambulon would blearily open his optics to the yellow glow of the bathroom light pouring into the peaceful darkness of the room, recharge interrupted by soft noises. he slowly peels the soft blankets away from his frame to creep to the sound of your movements, the sight of you dressing before the sun has barely risen, tugging at his sparkstrings. he is aware humans need at least eight to nine hours of rest, and yet with less than six, his lover is already by the bathroom mirror repeating the same, tiring routine every week. one might think that his past as a decepticon and medic working in the lost light would make him a senseless partner, but it was quite the opposite, ambulon would give you the world if you asked. but maybe the closest thing you need now is a day to yourself.

so when you come home that day to the apartment spotless, the smell of fresh linen in the air and the sound of something delicious sizzling atop the pan; you can't help but cry by the doorway, your boyfriend nearly dropping the glass of high-grade he was casually sipping to rush to hug you — "are these happy, human tears? oh, okay, that's good. that's good."

swerve discovering that your birthday is coming up but you have no plans to celebrate it, too busy and too tired from the long weekday. the minibot wasn't too happy about this, deciding that he was going to fix it before the special date rolls around. this is how you find yourself walking into a surprise party, with candles and cakes and decorations dangling from the ceiling. you had screamed in delight at the sound of the confetti going off, immediately throwing yourself in the arms of your friend, rounds of laughter echoing in the room where all your giant friends have gathered to celebrate your coming into existence.

whirl noticing how the days you spend together have grown shorter and shorter each passing day, with you either rushing off to finish a deadline or already dressed to eat dinner with your new co-workers. the ex-wrecker insists he isn't jealous, no, of course not — he just hates sitting by the couch watching the clock tick away, unable to focus on his earth shows because you were always coming home so late.

so when whirl stopped you from putting your shoes on one morning to tell you that he had called your workplace to say you needed some time to yourself, you were struck by his thoughtfulness; feeling guilty that you never considered that whirl could do something so sweet. until you switch on the tv to hear the news anchor announce that the police needed help to identify an anonymous caller who had sent a bomb threat earlier this morning to your office. he says it was obvious that he wasn't going to do it — "what? i thought you needed the day off, sweetspark? it worked didn't it?"

you didn't know whether to be flattered or to call prowl and the local precinct that the search was over.

[rizzybizzy]

Images that sound like this because cybertronians definitely purr

[yandere-wishes]

The more I study electronics the more I'm positive whoever came up with Transformers smut terms was studying something in the electronics engineering field.

[zhombiez]

*insert slut joke for rodimus*

[cozzzynook]

Dratchrod, morning mechs dratchet spoiling their late riser conjunx with lazy morning cuddles :)

I absolutely love this because roddy is a night owl who comes to bed late and masters not waking them up while doing so. In fact he regularly deep cleans the entire hab for them when their asleep and often cooks breakfast for them just before showering & slipping into berth.

Rodimus does this without waking them every time & he’s gotten really good at being silent & hiding his presence.

They are always telling roddy to stop but the mech never listens. In fact he tries to do more for them.

So they don’t wake him in the morning when they rise they let him sleep in and enjoy cuddling his warm frame.

[revelboo]

I was reading through some of your works again and found the “Just Gone” scenario again and was wondering about a second part? Maybe all the humans get flung back onto the lost light or they ended up on a nearby planet or something, but seeing their reunions could be cute

Here’s part one- a bit more angst. I know there’s more asks about this, but they’re buried in the inbox. Part two soon

MTMTE Angst Scenario- Just Gone: Aftermath Pt 1

• “Threatening me isn’t going to make this happen any quicker,” Brainstorm snarls, yanking out of Rodimus’s grip as the heat of his servos begins warping his plating. And his attention nervously slides to Megatron, the big former warlord disturbingly silent. Doesn’t think Megatron’s said anything since his human disappeared with the rest, his expression utterly empty and that’s somehow much more terrifying than Rodimus’s over the top fury. “Believe me, I want them back, too.” Servos trembling as he works, thinking of you. Are you okay? Were you blipped back to where you’d come from? Or are you lost now? Afraid and alone?

• Feels like he’s in a fog, spark hurting and unable to find any trace of you or his sparkling. Megatron keeps reaching out, searching for that bond and finding only ragged edges. Too far away or really gone? Maybe this is the punishment for his many sins. To be finally happy and just have it all ripped away. Servos pressing to his chassis over his spark, shaking slightly. Knows he deserves this, but you didn’t, his sparkling didn’t. Can hear Tailgate’s hysterics and Cyclonus’s attempts to calm him down as Perceptor and Nautica try to help Brainstorm.

• Shrugging off Drift’s hand, Ratchet joins Perceptor. Feels so numb, as he studies the thing Brainstorm’s cobbling together. A modified mini-space bridge? That despair digs in a little deeper as he tries to help, knowing that the humans were all snagged at random the first time. How are they going to pinpoint them all? Servos clenching as they start trembling, Drift is right behind him, a steady presence. “You can do this,” Drift murmurs. And he has to. Can’t fail you or Drift.

• “They’re not alone, right? Wherever they went back to?” Venting at Rewind’s soft question, Chromedome pulls him into his arms, resting his chin on top of Rewind’s head. Knowing how scared you are of being alone, being abandoned. Reassuring Rewind even though they both know it’s a lie. Know exactly where you’d come from and likely went back to.

• Lingering at the back of the lab, the noise and chaos sounds like it’s a world away. Skids unable to focus on anything, wondering where you are. If you’re okay without someone there to anchor you. Distract you from everything you’ve been through. To make sure you don’t spiral and give up completely. Dimly aware of Brainstorm yelling “power it up” and then swearing when it doesn’t work.

• “He’s still carrying that blanket around,” Crankcase growls and Krok’s denta grit behind his mask. Knows Spinister refuses to let go, to move on. And it’s hurting all of them, a constant reminder of what’s missing. Misfire had gotten angry enough to try and take your blanket away and the big medic had gone ballistic, not calming down until it was returned. They’re all on edge. All hurting. Feeling your loss and it’s so much worse not knowing if you’re okay. If you’re even still alive.

• Swearing, Swindle keeps searching. For any stories about weird, unknown species. For you. Can’t find any trace of someone sneaking onto the ship and taking you, but they must have. Humans don’t just disappear. You’re just gone and he has no idea where to start looking, spark aching. One of your fans maybe? Do they have any idea how fragile you are? Are they hurting you? Not knowing is killing him.

• “Stop sulking like a sparkling. It’s beneath you,” Nickel growls, smacking his ped and he growls a low warning. “You have a job to do. Go do it.” Knows the tiny femme is trying to distract him from his grief, trying to bully him into moving on and he appreciates it even as it hurts. Can’t feel you at all. Does that mean you’re just gone? You never should have meant so much to him. Shouldn’t have gotten attached. You’re just a little organic. But you’re his and if someone’s responsible for what happened? He’s going to enjoy taking them apart piece by piece.

• “Hey, what about-” Trailing off sharply, for a moment he’s frozen. Keeps forgetting you’re not there. That you’re not going to answer him ever again. Servos tightening on his datapad. The worst part was coming back to his habsuite to find you just gone without a trace. Not knowing what happened. And he’s smashing the datapad against the edge of his desk, head dropping into his hands.

Previous

Next

[squibsformers]

Miscommunication

Rodimus x Human Reader, Drift x Ratchet x Human Reader

Summary: After Rodimus tried looping you into something you really weren't into, you sought out your other partners to complain about his reveal of character.

Word Count: 1,128

AN: NSFW suggestive talk, no outright smut. Also hi this is my first tf writing soooo lmk what your thoughts are, i love comments. I'm already working on a reader insert series and wanted to start with a few one off bits. Enjoy! tagging valveplug just in case.

[Pt. 2]

Drift looked up when you entered the medbay, his greeting dying on his glossa as his field just PINGED with the waves of displeasure coming off you.

“Jeez… what's got you all wound up, huh?” He straightened his backstuts as he stood up more from the desk he leaned over, messing with Ratchet temporarily set aside.

You hissed a rush of words under your breath as you strutted in, something that he couldn't TELL what was said but he understood it wasn't very polite. Even the older medic bot lifted his head to address you.

“I only managed to make out Rodimus in all that. What did our oh so brilliant captain do to piss you off?”

 “I thought this whole time we were leading up to something… fun. But it turns out I misread every step. He thinks he's BETTER than me.”

“He's the captain, he is better than you.”

You whipped your head around to glare at Ratchet. “Better enough that I deserve to clean the dirt off his kibble with my tongue?? Because I feel that's pretty fucking degrading.”

Both bots stilled, and the medic's “Wait, what-” was interrupted by Drift stalling briefly and talking over him. “That doesn't sound at ALL like something Roddy would say.”

“I thought so, too.” You huffed before your attitude melted into something a bit sadder. “I mean… I've been flirting with him for so long, and he's been receptive towards it. You even told me he said he likes me. So I don't know where this came from…” 

Groaning, you put your face in your hands, and idly Ratchet patted your back while working (and half listening). 

“I didn't even think that would be a thing with you guys, making someone tongue-polish your like, plating and stuff.”

“That sounds like something Megatron would have had Starscream do back in the day,” Ratchet groused, making Drift mock gagging.

“I'm going to purge my tank, don't make me think about those two like that.” A shudder wracked the ex ‘con's frame. “Eugh. No it's not really a thing with us. Is…is it a human thing?”

“Ah…” The question made you pause to think. “Not… really? I mean, kind of. It's usually an extremely exaggerated form of punishment from someone who wants to uh… show superiority while demeaning the other. Though it's shoes or boots for us, not armor spikes. The idea is to polish the dirtiest article of clothing with their tongue - or glossa - so they feel... sub-human. Though there's always exceptions, and some people are into that kinda thing as like, a kink? But it's really not…what I'm looking for.” You wince.

….Ratchet paused his comforting as he listened, before turning to look you over. “Hold on, back up. Armor spikes… kid, what did Rodimus say to you?”

Drift leaned over the autobot's shoulder, studying you closely. The samurai looked both confused…and disbelieving.

Alright, fine then.

“He said ‘Y’know… Maybe you can put that glossa of yours to use and… clean my spikes with it.’” They let out a grumble. “I didn't peg him for the degrading type…”

The two mechs went oddly quiet and still.

“Spikes… plural?” Drift pressed.

You thought back more, mulling the memory over, of the captain of the Lost Light leering down at you with that heated smirk and his thumb on your cheek…and shook your head.

“No, sorry. Just spike.”

“PFFT-”

You looked up to see Drift looking away, one of his servos clamped over his intake as he cackled. His limbs shook and he held onto Ratchet to steady himself. The medic was looking away, face buried in his hands. His shoulders shook.

He was also laughing at you.

“What. WHAT! HEY?? HELLO!!”

“Kid…Kid, Sp..spike is another term we have for plug.” Ratchet mumbled out. Still laughing. Very much laughing at you. His words caused Drift to wheeze and bend over, his vents stuttering as he cackled.

“He was asking you to interface finally and you totally missed it..!! Oh Primus help me, what did you say? What did you say, tell me. Please, it has to be good.”

Your face got warm as you thought of the fact that you had finally gotten Rodimus interested enough he would make a bold pass. Your face was hot when you realized you had totally missed his signals. Your face was practically on fire when it clicked just how badly you fumbled the whole interaction.

“I… I said Ew, no thanks. And came here-”

“THAAAAHAHAATS THE WORST THING YOU C-COOOHOULD HAVE SAID!!! AAAHAHAGHA OH PRIMUS-”

“Frag me, kid you did not-”

There was no saving you. Both mechs were now openly laughing at your misery. Your face buried in your hands you mumbled out a weak “How was I supposed to know!” that only made Drift start losing it all over again.

After some time (Ten. Minutes.) the two much larger beings had settled, Ratchet returning to his work and chuckling on occasion while Drift…pestered you over your absolute dropping of the ball.

“I can't believe this. I'm almost scared to flirt with you now because you may not get it!”

“Driiiiift…!” You whined, the cheeky samurai squeezing your hips. “Let me go, I want to jettison myself out of the airlock.”

“Not a chance!! I mean I want to make sure if I tell you I wanna have you eat my valve from the back that you aren't going to mistake it for me, say, threatening to mug you or something.”

Your face was bright red. “Drift!!”

“Or, oh man, if I tell you I want to slot my plug between your thighs, maybe you'll think I'm wanting you to-”

“RATCHET! DRIFT IS BULLYING ME AGAIN!” Complaining loudly, you squirmed in Drift's hold while eyeing his Conjux, displeased and humiliated and hoping the medic would scold him or something.

Ratchet barely spared you a glance with his optics as he continued his inventory count. He was literally busy and not paying attention to you two.

“Between words from attractive mechs, manhandling, and something almost too big to go in, you enjoy being bullied, and all of us here are very aware of it,” drawled the grouch's response.

You stared at him, mouth dropped open in shock and WORSE embarrassment at how he called your bullshit out. All while Drift began cackling all over again.

—

You stared up at the habisuite door, staring at the imposing metal barrier of captain Rodimus Prime's personal chambers. Your stomach twisted in knots nervously, your palms somewhat sweaty as you raised a fist and knocked hard, twice. Mentally, you prepared your apology as you heard shuffling and the soft clank of pedes across a metal floor.

God, you hoped the mech thought stupid was hot.

[tinydefector]

Every single day I think about your post about bots being freaky xenophiles about humans it is my Roman empire

Heheheh I'm glad you guys like it but here's some other funny ideas I have of humans being stupid little creatures forgetting that the bots are literally Alien robots.

- getting smoochy with one of the Bots and attempting to fondle them, you slap their headlight and their horn honks, scaring not only you but the bot themself, it kinda ruins the mood but it's worth the laugh afterwards.

- specifically an Optimus Prime one. Having to tell this bot to get a power wash before he's allowed to sleep with you becuase God forbid you have to lay beside him because all you can smell is diesel and it makes your stomach churn so badly. He will grumble about it but if it means he gets to cuddle and hold you of a night you can bet your boots he is squeaky clean. (Also leads to alot of bathroom fun)

- taking any of the speedsters to a show and shine, it's like a fuckin car porn show and the bots are just stunned. Rodimus is having the time of his life literally having humans touching every inch of him as they admire his paint and engine. He loves it even more when you get the bucket of water out. It becomes something he regularly ask you to go do with him becuase he loves having you dressed up all nice and showing him off. In more than one way the praise really makes him feel worth it. He loves having you lean into his engine bay asking if he's alright, asking to just let them know when he wants to go. And this bot treats you to a nice beach side date after. (He has every local show and shine dated) other bots who love this consist of. Tracks, Jazz, Mirage, Knockout(he likes making Breakdown Jealous. Get cucked in the back row)

-rust, it is ratchets most hated thing to deal with because of how corrosive it is to their frames, and trying to find something on earth that works well enough to clear it off so he can do surgerys leads him to the humans gifting him a large thing of Coca-Cola, it works just as well as clean cutter (cybertronian rust remover), when he realises the ingredients are very similar it makes life so much easier until he catches The humans drinking it and he nearly has a spark attack trying to make them regurgitate it. It leads to him finding out that humans casually drink it when they really shouldn't.

- the bugs and insect carnage left in the bots grills, windshield and just small gaps. The horror on one of the humans face when they kiss their bot and then that taste the nastness of dead bugs. Or them enjoying laying on their bot and then a spider crawls out of a gap, scurring right towards them. It leads to the bots regularly getting washes alot more that they ever would have on cybertron, and it's time each bot loves so much. Becuase it develops into pull sized bathtubs, power washing, polished and just proper care given to them.

Here's also a collection of new things humans do that become kinks or fetishes for the bots.

- cleaning/ washing,

- panel beating and repairs

-causal car maintenance

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[kurokuroku]

mtmte characters as humans doodles

dratchet + best bros rodimus and drift spending their quality time together meditating (or at least trying to)