#dream: so he'll keep quiet because it's not his business

[moderndaypandora]

I love every "Death set Dream up with Hob on purpose" headcanon, and I love "actually I was planning to throw Chaucer at you but I can wing it pretty damn well and, once I heard Hob call me stupid, I knew, yeah that's going to be Dream's boyfriend". It takes a village (or an older sister) to get Dream a boyfriend.

Now, I'm picturing the entire Endless family blindsided when Dream comes to a family dinner like "I GOT MARRIED! LIKE TWO MINUTES AFTER THE LAST DINNER--" "That was a literal century ago?!"
 "-- YEAH. WE'RE DOING A VOW RENEWAL."

Not a single sibling clocked this. Not even Destiny.

Destiny, out loud: it was an unlikely path in my book, so I didn't give it much attention 
Destiny, in his head: honestly I started speed-reading/skimming through Dream's love life paragraphs because watching him crash and burn and cause massive body counts just seemed so... repetitive and predictable?

Death: knowing our brother, I was carefully managing my expectations and was just glad he was still doing the century meetups last time I'd checked. Good for him, managing to stay with somebody for a century, that outstrips his last relationship by ... like 7 decades.  Kind of offended I wasn't invited to this wedding, kind of not planning to say anything?

Desire: At this point, I stick my fingers in my ears and go "lalalalalala" whenever I hear anything about Dream and want, either him wanting or somebody wanting him, because Death said I had to stop making fun of him for how disproportionate his Yearn to Act Ratio was, and any ammunition I can't use is just ... irritating. I figured if anything really changed, my twin would tell me about his descent into misery.

Despair: He was less miserable, but I assumed it was a fluke and he'd return to his normal equilibrium eventually. And it's not like my twin let me know he'd managed to successfully want AND obtain something?

Destruction is Sir Not Appearing In This Picture.

And Delirium had more important things to think about than her brother's sad love life, like would flying fish fired out of confetti cannons be considered birds until they landed?

Meanwhile all denizens of the Dreaming are never not aware that Dream is happily married, because the weather has been perfect for years and the throne room stained glass is some variation of Hob and Dream being lovey-dovey.

Lucienne: If I see them necking in the stacks ever again I will be forced to take action, and Lord Morpheus is aware of that fact, but we haven’t had a library flood in 103 years, so overall we’re pleased.

[bbokicidal]

Along for the Ride - SKZ | Passenger Princess!Han

Warnings : car sex, men whimpering lol, tiny mention of exhibitionism at the end

Genre : Fluff & Smut

Pairing : Sub!Han Jisung x Dom!Reader

Passenger Princess!Han who loves going for longer car rides. They're worth the back ache when he gets to spend so much time sitting close to you - and annoying you with the poor GPS. Eventually he shuts the voice off and just tells you directions himself.

Passenger Princess!Han who consistently - always, every time - tells you that there's a small detour. Even though it earns a sigh from you, thinking it's because of construction, it's worth the small five minute pull off each time because it's a stop he makes that the GPS directs you to. A gift shop each time. Let him buy you a little necklace or something to remember the roadtrip!!

Passenger Princess!Han who is too shy to do it at first, but eventually learns you're okay with holding his hand while you drive. Sometimes. Usually you like to keep two hands on the wheel but if it's later and there's less cars around, he's more than welcome to hold your hand in his lap.

Passenger Princess!Han who gets to play the music he wants each time because you allow it and he's your sweet boy who always puts on absolute bops. His music taste is perfect and I accept no arguments.

Passenger Princess!Han who feeds you when you're busy driving and navigating at the same time. He'd given up on directions for twenty minutes so he could eat a burger, feeding you french fries here and there so you had a snack too.

Passenger Princess!Han who thanks you each time for driving. Because he can't.

Passenger Princess!Han who doesn't bother getting worked up in the passenger seat. He'll hype music, yell at passing cars who cut you off - but he's never anxious about the way you drive, even if it is a little scary sometimes. You're one of the only people he feels completely safe in the car with. (Other than Changbin and Seungmin.)

Passenger Princess!Han who sits patiently each road trip and never asks 'How long til we get there?' but rather, "Only twenty minutes left! Home stretch!" to cheer you up and keep you excited for the destination, even if it was a ways away.

Passenger Princess!Han who - as much as he loves getting to your destination as quickly as possible - sometimes can't wait that long. He'll wake up for the road trip and already be hard from a wet dream, or halfway through the drive he'll get squirmy in the passenger seat to catch your attention.

Passenger Princess!Han who sometimes surprises you with pitstops at rest points just so he can ask you to help him out a little. Sometimes it's a small 'Lend me a hand..?' in a shy tone with pink cheeks, his head tipping back when you jerk him off where he sits. Your hands feel so much nicer than his own. Or, it's a quiet 'Can you..' and you know already what he wants. - and it's more than a quick handy.

Passenger Princess!Han who shivers and watches as you tug down his sweats and briefs just enough to tug his pretty leaking cock out and get to it. He'll suck in a breath, eyes sticking to the spit that drips from your tongue and down onto the head of his cock, spread over the length with your hand in a quick motion to slick him up.

Passenger Princess!Han who is so whiny when you fix your skirt to drop down on him, his hips twitching upward in want. He sits still immediately after and lets his head roll to the side, plump lips bitten and pink parting just to let out soft moans.

Passenger Princess!Han who can't even get his hands on you. He's too shy when you take control like this, whimpering out as his fists clench and he lays his arms over his eyes. He can't even watch you bouncing in his lap because watching you, hearing the sounds of your slick against his cock, and feeling it all at the same time is way too much for the poor man.

Passenger Princess!Han who squirms so bad when he's close, writhing under his seatbelt and huffing out each breath. He jerks his hips upwards until he's painting your gummy walls white, eyes dropping down to watch the way it leaks out of your slit. He huffs and watches as you move back to the drivers side.

Passenger Princess!Han who realizes that day that the reason you keep so many napkins in your center console is because of him and the mess he often makes on the roadtrips you take together.

Passenger Princess!Han who has to admit, as much as he loves when you ride him so openly in the passenger seat - he really enjoys the few other options you have to do in the car together.

Passenger Princess!Han who is in shambles when you direct him to the backseat. You'll guide him to sit on the floor, tipping his head back against the seat where you kneel above him. He's obsessed with the way you ride his face like this, his hands pushing and grabbing at the center console in front of his body for some sort of grounding. He swears you'll break his neck one of these times - but he'd be happy regardless.

Passenger Princess!Han who also loves when you set up your phone in the cupholders up front to film the way he writhes in the backseat when you give him head. Switching places and kneeling on the floor, you let him twitch in your throat while he trembles and shifts in the seat. You'll have to hold his thighs down eventually to keep him from wiggling away, but he really won't stop you. He just gets so wiggly.

Bonus:

Passenger Princess!Han who slowly realizes he's fucked the moment he sets off on a roadtrip with you - and two other people; Seungmin and Minho sitting in the backseat. He spares you a glance and spots the way you smirk, already feeling his desperate gaze on you thirty minutes in to the drive.

[ghostofhyuck]

NCT Dream behind closed doors. 

Mark Lee

Mark behind closed doors is still the same. He's still that dude who's talkative, passionate, and hardworking even when he's around with you. You can still hear him talking about his career and music, but then came some things that he couldn't tell to his other members. Worries that he tend to keep for himself but now he can share it to you. He trusts you enough to listen to his worries so sometimes Mark can be vulnerable whenever it's just the two of you, and you're always there to save him. 

Huang Renjun

When it's just the two of you, Renjun is much vulnerable. He lets out the emotions that he bottles up and he just becomes more clingier when it's just the two of you. He craves more of you and that's because he wanted to comfort. He doesn't need words of assurance, he probably preferred the silence. So you two would be there, laying in his bed while you wrap him around you. He can be either sleeping peacefully or just there, breathing slowly. Time is ticking and no one moves but there's no awkwardness, just pure tranquility. 

Lee Jeno

Jeno is the total opposite to what he shows to others and to what he shows to you! He lets his guards down so when it's just the two of you, Jeno is much of a goofball. He's loud, funny, and just lets his intrusive thoughts win. At first you were a bit surprised but now, you're used to your boyfriend who's a very clumsy samoyed. He's very funny whenever it's just the two of you, and he often tell jokes where he'll be laughing before he can even tell it to you. It's a rare case to see this Jeno, so that's means he's comfortable around you!

Lee Donghyuck

Behind closed doors, Haechan's much more calmer than what he portrays on camera. You get that he's a very busy man that's why you understand that whenever it's just the two of you, his energy is very low. He tries his best to match your energy but you always tell him that it's okay if doesn't because you just want him to rest too. He's quiet but he also craves for you affection, so he tends to do it through physical touch, he has to make sure that you're near him or it can also be the small things like his thumb brushing your hands while you talk about your day. 

Na Jaemin

Just like Haechan, Jaemin is also quiet behind closed doors. He's an introvert, so I feel like he wants to be in his own space and comfort whenever things can be very overwhelming with him. So when you came into his life, he slowly lets you in his safe space. You as an understanding girlfriend, is very much contended with the silence you and Jaemin have. Especially when things can be pretty frustrating to him, you sometimes let him have his own space and waits for him to just approach you. Definitely wouldn't let you go and pouts whenever you give him space. 

Zhong Chenle

Chenle with or without camera is pretty much the same! He's talkative, loud, and is a huge ball of energy. Especially when you're around, his energy is just up to the roof! But behind close doors, he's much clingier and affectionate when it comes to you. Lots of lots of physical touch and words of affirmation that he can say without laughing or cringing internally. Perhaps because it's just the two of you that's why he thinks that the atmosphere is very serious and intimate that's why he can be more affectionate whenever you're beside him.

Park Jisung

Oh contrary to the Jisung we see on-cam, I feel like Jisung is much more hyper when it's just the two of you. :> He's like a puppy who's happy to see you so behind closed doors he's much talkative! He just yaps and yaps continuously, much talkative than his members combined. And you just listens to him because it's a rare case for Jisung to be this loud. :< He's also on the clingier side, would be more touchy to you because it's just the two of you so his co-members aren't going to tease him when they see him affectionate to his girlfriend.

[another-random-paradise]

The future awaits

bringing up the future while you're together

characters: Riddle, Leona, Azul, Kalim

Format: Headcanons

warnings: None that i can think off

Riddle

-You'd probably bring it up while drinking tea together

-He'd go quiet for a moment, deep in thought

-He is so caught up in making sure everybody follows the rules and studying, that he never really had the time to think about it

-He'd be very serious about it 

-He wants to marry you in the future, that's for sure 

-Probably wants a kid or two

-Honestly wants a very typical future, a house, a stable job, ect.

-I'm not really sure what Job he would want/have. Maybe he'd take after his mother and become a doctor, or maybe something to do with politics. I could also see him as a judge, due to his ability to memorise rules, or in this case laws, and his tendency to punish rulebreakers accordingly

-i feel like he wouldn't have preference about wether you work or not

-ALSO, If you are the one to bring up kids and marriage, especially if you start describing it in detail (Like your dream wedding, or what your kids could look like) he'd grow very flustered, very quickly

-Poor guy still isn't used to affection, even if you two have been in a relationship for quite a while already 

-all in all, he'd take the question very seriously. He wants a typical, almost stereotypical, future

Leona

-You'd probably bring it up while he uses you as a pillow cuddling

-He'd scoff 

-"Why are you worrying about that now??" or something along those lines.

- He most likely brushes you off in favor of sleeping

-or at least, that's what he'd tell you

-the question might actually keep him up a bit longer, he's seriously thinking about it

-In his dreams, of course, he'd be king and you'd be his consort, as you rule over the land together, admired by all. But that will sadly remain just a dream, and he knows it

-Instead he opts for wanting a quiet live, where the two of you can just laze around all day, everyday 

-He probably doesn't want to live too close to his brother and sister-in-law, either on the opposite side of the palace, or in some sort of estate a bit further away (idk how moving out as royalty works tbh)

-I don't think he would want kids, too much work

-all in all, a quiet life where the two of you won't be bothered

Azul

-Immediately flustered, no matter how long you have already been dating

-I don't think he'll ever get used to affection

-another one that gets really serious, but this one is really flustered while he talks 

-He'll definetly will want to continue the mostro lounge buisness, just outside of school. Maybe one day take over his mothers buisness too, so she can retire.

-He won't even realise it, but he might just start talking about your wedding, about wether you'll get married on land or in the sea, ect..

-tease him about it, and he'll put Riddle's hair to shame

-tbh he wouldn't want much to change from now, he wants to be with you, keep running a successful business, and stay close with the twins

Kalim

-Immediately gets excited 

-If you're on the magic carpet, you'd have to hold onto him so neither of you fall off-

-Immediately starts rambling about all the things he wants to do with you in the future 

-He wants a VERY big wedding, like the type that continues over multiple days, he just  really wants to spoil you and show the whole world how much he loves you

-He most likely wants a big family, the man has like 40 siblings, he wouldn't be used to anything else

-He's already planning hundreds of party's you two will could hold in the future!!

-He probably won't shut up for a good few hours. Good luck

-You'd have a very annoyed Jamil the next day, because after you brought it up, he would not shut up about wedding plans and stuff. Jamil had to force him to sleep.

-He'd be even clingier than normally after this 

First time writing and posting headcanons, kinda nervous-

Feedback is welcomed, just be nice please!! hope you enjoyed and have a nice day :)

[misc-obeyme]

I just saw the event and I hope I'm not too late but Lucifer x MC requests w/ author's choice maybe?

Hello there, my friend! You are not too late, in fact, your request was the first one I received!

Soooo since it was author's choice and we're talking about Lucifer, I went with fluff. Because soft!Luci is one of my favorite things ever. So here are some general fluff headcanons about him.

Thank you for participating!

COZY COMFORTS EVENT

GN!MC x Lucifer fluff headcanons

Warnings: none

Lucifer notices everything about you. It isn't just the way you mesh so well with his family. It's the little sparkle in your eyes when you tease him. It's the way your voice changes slightly when you say his name. It's the light touch of your hand seeking his when you're nervous.

Lucifer shows his love in quiet ways that may be missed by anyone else. He will give you things you need before you realize you need them. When you're struggling, he will show up beside you to lend a hand without you needing to ask.

Lucifer will bring you flowers, but they'll be the rarest and the most beautiful. Arranged spectacularly in a beautiful vase that you keep in your room. It's regularly refilled with new bouquets from him.

When you're at RAD, he'll stop you in the hall just to check in with you. He might ask you something about his brothers, but his true motivation is to make sure you're doing all right. He'll tell you to come to the music room when you get home because he wants to spend more time with you. You'll find him waiting with a bottle of Demonus and a soothing record (one that isn't cursed).

You're certainly the only one that Lucifer would even dream of allowing to touch his wings. It's a special moment when your fingertips brush against the soft silken feathers. You try not to react when you feel him tremble slightly beneath your touch.

He's always busy, doing paperwork, being summoned to the castle, spending his hours at RAD doing council work. And yet he always takes a moment to speak to you alone. His ruby eyes roaming over your face, like he won't ever get enough of looking at you.

You sometimes wish you could tell people who fear him what he's really like. How he'll carry you to your bed any time you fall asleep somewhere else in the house. How he reaches for your hand when he knows you're feeling uncertain or afraid. How he'll hold you all night if you've had a rough day. How he'll admit to you that all he wants is for you to be happy.

No one knows Lucifer the way that you do, but you're surprised to find that no one knows you the way that he does, either. He lets it slip occasionally, just how aware of you he is. If he's had one glass of Demonus too many, he mumbles about the color of your hair and the particular curve of your smile.

When you're alone, Lucifer will kiss you and kiss you and kiss you, needing you more than he's needed anything in his long life. He'll fall to his knees at your feet, overcome by how willing he is to do whatever you ask. He begs you to touch him, to know him, to let him know you. He needs you, MC. Don't let him falter.

You don't. You stand beside him in all things, whether you're alone with him in his room or among the rest of the student council at RAD. It's a little daunting to think that you are the stability that Lucifer leans on. That after all the years he's been working and fighting alone, he now has you to hold onto.

Lucifer will catch your eyes from across a crowded room just to give you a confident smile. It's the one that says he knows he's on your mind. It's his way of saying you're on his, too. He wants you to know he's thinking of you. He wants to make you blush slightly from his regard.

Your love is a tender thing that Lucifer holds close to his heart. He knows how quickly he could lose it, how quickly he could lose you. All the power in the Devildom might not be enough to keep you with him forever. But for now, he will worship every single part of you, every day of your life.

cozy comforts | masterlist | Thank you for reading!

[bluecollarmcandtf]

Typical Day for a Mall Cop

My name's Bill, and I've been a guard at the mall for almost a decade now. It wasn't my dream job, but life has a way of creeping up on you with kids and a mortgage. I needed something to pay the bills, and I've always had a knack for watching over people.

Like any other weekend, the mall is fairly busy, so I stay on my feet and patrol the halls for most of the day. Occasionally, I'll check in with the other mall cop, but my time is mostly filled with watching shoppers come and go. If anybody gets too rowdy, a stern look is enough to keep them in line.

A lot of the time, teenagers will loiter in stores. Some of them even try and bring their skateboards in, but it isn't too hard to make them adhere to the mall's strict policies. They might be young and clueless, but that doesn't mean I'll cut them any breaks.

Over by the fountain, I see one of the boys I admonished a week ago. I think I caught him shoplifting or something. Thieves normally get banned from the mall, but I didn't do that with this one. He said something that completely caught me off guard; he said he could hypnotize me.

I laughed in his face.

Amused inwardly by the boy's foolish claim, I walk over to check in with him. I'm sure he'll remember the security guard that almost kicked him out of the mall last weekend.

The kid is chatting with his friends, but they fall quiet when they notice me looming behind them. Like we'd discussed last week, I drop to my knees and kneel in front of the troublemaker. He explained that this is the best thing for me to do when I see him around, and I can't help but agree. I know the boy deserves my respect.

I plant a kiss on both of his sneakers, and then wait for him to speak first. It takes a minute because he and his friends are busy cracking up over some unspoken joke. Whatever it is, clearly went right over my head.

"How you doin', mall pig?" the boy laughs.

I smirk at the nickname he's given me. We've gotten in the habit of calling each other by these pseudonyms, and I don't mind it.

"Very good, sir," I answer, using the name I've come to associate him with, "How are you?"

"Fine, I guess," he shrugs, "I spent your cash on kicks for my crew."

That reminds me of last week again. The boy had made it seem like a good idea to give him all the money I had, which included the paycheck I'd earned for last pay period. On the ground, I had a close view of all the vibrant sneakers the teenagers were wearing. It was nice to know he'd put my gift to good use, even if my wife had been pissed that I'd come home without my month's salary.

"You have another check for me, fat ass?"

His friends laugh at his new nickname for me, but I shake my head and answer a solemn, "No, sir."

The teenager groans and leads his gang of friends away, already bored with me. It seems like he's just going to leave me there, kneeling in the middle of the mall, until he turns and beckons me to follow. Inwardly, I'm glad that he's not done with me yet. I've come to enjoy our interactions a lot.

I follow the boys, crawling behind them all the way into a bathroom.

"If you ain't got any cash to keep me and my crew entertained, then you're gonna have to do something to make us laugh," he explains.

"Of course, sir!" I smile, trying to express how willing I am to impress him and his friends.

"We'd find it hilarious if you dunked your head in each toilet," he adds blandly.

I light up. He's just explained how I can be of service and now all I have to do is follow through. I'm sure it'd be hilarious for them to watch a fully grown security guard giving himself a few swirlies. That's peak comedy!

"Watch this, sir!" I laugh, crawling over to the first toilet and shoving my face into the water without any hesitation.

I know the guy that's supposed to clean these bathrooms, and it's obvious he slacks off because there are skid marks all over. I try not to think about it as my cheeks and forehead brush against the bottom of the bowl. When I pull my face out of the flushing toilet, my ears pop and hear a roar of laughter behind me. The kids find it hilarious, which only fuels my desire to keep going.

With a gaping grin, I shuffle over to the next stall and repeat. There are six toilets in the men's restroom. Some are cleaner than others. The last one is a clogged mess, and the boys find it hilarious when I come up with toilet paper plastered to my face. I laugh through it all, even if the urge to puke is growing.

By the time I'm done, I'm soaked in toilet water, and the teenagers are in tears.

"Alright, toilet guy. That was disgusting," the leader of the pack chuckles, grimacing in my direction, "You have a car or something?"

"Yes, sir. I've got a minivan in the parking lot."

"A minivan?" he seems disappointed, "Hand over the keys anyway. We wanna drive around."

"You got it, sir," I say, fishing the fob out of my damp pockets.

He swipes the keys out of my hand eagerly and turns to leave the bathroom. I start to follow the boys out, but he stops me.

"Why don't you stay in here 'till you dry off," he snorts, "You can spend that time in the corner, thinking about what you can do for me next time I'm at the mall."

"Yes, sir," answer, and the boys leave.

Briefly, the thought of getting back to work crosses my mind. I really should be out there keeping an eye on the vendors and their merchandise, but that goes away. Like suggested, I stare at the dirty tile wall and begin to brainstorm what I can do for the boy the next time I see him.

My walkie goes off now and then with the voice of my coworker wondering where I am, but I ignore it.

After an hour or so, I've dripped mostly dry, but a strong stink still lingers around my head. Still, I've come up with a few different things I could have ready next week. It'll take some overtime to make extra cash for the boy. My wife won't be happy about that, but it'll give me a chance to actually have cash ready for him when he asks for it.

The only other thing I have to offer is the perks of my job. Maybe his friends and him would like a tour of the security office? I'd give them free reign of everything in the confiscated bin.

Speaking of my job, I should probably get back. My partner is probably angry at me for not answering the radio. He'll be happy when I tell him I'll take the late shift for the next few days. Hopefully he won't say anything about the smell. God, it's awful!

Just another day working as a mall cop!

[lowkeyrobin]

hello:))

been loving ur mcyt preferences, and was wondering if you would do one where reader has insomnia???

I take medication for it and i got took off it for a break UGHH. anyways luv ur writing and take ur time plz:))

ooooo okay!! ; and thank you thank you, I appreciate it 🫶🫶🫶

MCYT ; insomniac/night owl

includes ; tommyinnit, ranboo, badlinu, nihachu, & quackity

warnings ; language, sleep paralysis, jokes about OD'ing (melatonin)

masterlist

TOMMYINNIT

genuinley feels so bad bc the second he closes his eyes, he's passed the hell out

he'll try and stay awake with you though and wait for the melatonin or just sleep in general to kick in

"if you're too tired to work, then don't. go back to sleep, don't worry about it"

compares you to tubbo 24/7

will bring you cherries and some milk because natural melatonin ❗️❗️

sometimes he'll try and stay awake with you and turn a movie on and he'll just pass out on your shoulder

you'll walk into his stream after sleeping until like 5 in the evening and quietly wave with a groggy look on your face

he laughs (in a very lighthearted way dw)

"y/nnnnn I know you're tired but we gotta go before we miss it"

"I'm coming, I'm coming"

you're basically just a night owl, like his personal guard dog lmao

he'll joke about it a bit too, how you're protecting him in the dark from the monsters 😭

RANBOO

he can and will stay up all night with you

mostly plays video games with you in hopes you'll get tired that way

which works a bit

does insane amounts of research, gets you eating all sorts of natural melatonin before bed and even gets you like children's melatonin gummies 💀💀

"do you have a sleep paralysis demon? are you just scared to sleep?"

"I just cannot sleep, I just toss and turn all night, I swear to god"

one of those people to do endless amounts of research to try and help

"do you wanna go to the doctor and get a prescription or something? maybe it'll help"

tweeting/posting about dumb shit you do at night

"y/n made a whole loaf of bread overnight someone send help"

"tell me why I woke up this morning to my partner staring into my soul holy shit"

FREDDIE BADLINU

also feels rlly bad that he can't help you

also brings you cherries, bananas and milk for natural melatonin in hopes it'll help a bit

will genuinley take you to a doctor to get you a prescription or something

also tweets about the shit you do while he's asleep overnight

"guys y/n picked up crocheting overnight wth"

"love when my partner wakes me up at 5am for breakfast because it was going cold 🥰 (they started cooking at 3:30am)

he can't stay up too late most days, he's a busy man

he feels so bad if you're sleeping through the whole day, he barely ever wakes you up bc he knows you're tired

"love, go back to sleep, you were up all night, I'll call you in sick, don't worry about it"

he strays away from od jokes when you're taking melatonin gummies/pills but sometimes he just has to say it

if you have a sleep paralysis demon as well, yk damn well he'll find his way into your dreams and beat the bitch up

if you can't sleep but he can, he'll just hold you and hope that you'll sleep soon

you'll usually sit there and play with his hair and admire him til you gotta get up and do something

NIKI NIHACHU

like ranboo, she puts in endless research of just trying to find things that might help you

she feels so bad

especially when you're sleeping all through the day and feel groggy as hell 24/7

if you have a paralysis demon she always reassures you that she'll beat it up for you next time it comes around

anything to make you smile bro

she's so sweet about it, if you're sleeping she makes sure to keep it quiet because this is one of the rare chances when you're sleeping

if you go multiple days without sleep and start tweaking out, she'll comfort you to sleep, doesn't matter how long it'll take

"It's okay, honey. it's okay, just focus on the rain sounds outside"

dedicated a whole kinda calm music playlist to help you sleep/relax yourself

finds it so funny when you do shit during the night to try and entertain yourself and it's the most random shit

like you'll go out and feed stray cats, accidently steal a shopping cart, fight the air and record it, etc

sleepy on stream hugs >>>

"well good morning, sunshine. its seven pm"

ALEX QUACKITY

"bro how do you not sleep"

if you got a sleep paralysis demon.... oh it's over for that mf

tweets about the dumb exhausted shit you do

"how do I turn y/n off at bedtime? I'm tired of waking up to see them staring into my soul"

"I love waking up to breakfast (I've been woken up at 4am for the past 2 weeks help me rn)"

thinks it's funny and sad at the same time when you start tweaking after not sleeping

"bro, go to sleep, cmon, it's okay, you're fine" as he's trying not to laugh at you

literally stuffs you with melatonin around 7:30 to see if it'll help LMAO

even talks on stream about how he's gonna fight the demons and pretends whoever he's fighting w is one LMAO

loves when you walk into stream all groggy and tired because he can finally spend a little time w you

[merakiui]

*DIGS YOU OUT FROM THE MUD* MOOOOOAR!!!! HDJSJSK once azul find out the secret behind his fave milk, floyd takes him out back and forces him to breed u to keep quiet and jade omg jad has the biggest balls and loves to put them on ur face aaaaaaa

AAAAAAAA YES YES YES OTL THANK YOU FOR DIGGING ME OUT.......... allow me to describe The Vision because I had more thoughts while I was trapped under the mud.

(cw: nsfw, female hucow reader, breeding, pregnancy, bull hybrid jade, lactation, there's really no plot here; just pure horny >_< )

✧ floyd has the biggest crush on you and it's so obvious, but he's not allowed to touch you because boring farm regulations and blah blah blah. >:( it wouldn't be good if another male's scent was on you when they're trying to pair you and jade together, and floyd thinks that's a stupid rule because you're his girl!!! he definitely doesn't follow it. maybe he promises to be good and pull out each time, maybe give you a bath to wash his scent off, just to keep things safe. he's so stupidly in love with you and it shows. orz his favorite thing to do is milk you because you make the cutest little sounds. he's painfully hard the entire time and he can't stop looking at your heavy tits, admiring the feel of them in his hands, or the way you tremble, your body alight with arousal. he's down so bad. he has to cap all of the bottles and stock them in the fridge first before he's going off to deal with his erection. T_T

✧ and jade......... he's a sly bastard. he knows floyd's in love with you (anyone could tell) and he takes every possible opportunity to stir up drama just for the fun of it. floyd threatens to send him off to the slaughterhouse if he keeps acting like an ass, but that's jade's specialty. <3 he just loves pressing you against the fence and rutting into you from behind, loves to drink straight from your tits, loves to fuck you in broad daylight so that everyone on the farm knows you're getting your guts rearranged by him. and floyd hates it! it's just not fair. why did they have to bring jade in? can't they just leave the breeding up to floyd? he'd gladly knock you up. but you and jade are so compatible and jade's so possessive of you, and the last time floyd tried to enter your pen he was swiftly kicked in the stomach. ;;;;;

✧ and azul!!!! he loves, loves, loves the milk from this farm. it's just so delicious; it's made the dishes at his restaurant taste even better than before. since he's an ambitious man, he originally visits the farm with the intention of purchasing whichever dairy cow is responsible for producing such high-quality milk just so he can get it straight from the source without having to go through the hoops of shipping and whatnot. but floyd's so evasive with answering his questions and as azul's leaving in a huff he passes the barn and spies you inside and...... now he needs you!!! he'll pay any price; he's desperate. floyd's dying inside because no one's supposed to know about you, but this loud-mouthed businessman knows and..... he allows azul to milk you so he can take a few bottles home for himself in exchange for his silence, and azul is so good at rizzing you that he ends up fucking you. and jade lets it happen because it's another fun way to watch floyd shrivel up and die. T_T he's so mean,,,,,

✧ and when you're pregnant, your milk production seems to double and you have to be milked multiple times a day because your tits get so heavy and full. floyd's living the dream, even more so when you weep and beg him to just fuck you already because you're soooo sensitive and soooo horny and you desperately need to be filled with cock; and jade's busy napping, so he can't do it. floyd gladly takes his place and he's the happiest in the world because after so long he finally gets to fuck you. he cums so much, all of it stuffed inside, and he cradles your belly so sweetly and tenderly.

✧ the alternative to this idea is that azul kidnaps you from the farm and keeps you captive in his home so that he can always have your milk for himself. not only for personal enjoyment but for the mostro lounge as well, and you hate him so much because he took you away from your home and friends and he keeps you shackled and collared with a little bell so you won't run away or escape. you've spent so long with him and you're months into your first pregnancy with him and he's been nothing but sweet and soft and he fucks you so good; and he's always so eager to milk you and he praises you constantly. stockholm syndrome kicks in and suddenly he's not so bad. suddenly you don't hate him anymore. suddenly you're riding him into the sheets with reckless abandon and coming apart on his cock because it feels so good and you love him so much and this is where you've always wanted to be. this is your home.

[takochan-writes]

Don't Make a Sound - DBF!Javier Pena x f!reader

Pairing: DBF!Javier Pena x f!reader

W/C: 900

Tags/Warnings: 18+ MDNI, DBF (Dad's bestfriend), pwp, p in v, creampie

A/N: sex with fireworks view on your bedroom window? HELL YEA 'MURICA! Lmao. It's not even the 4th of July… but fuck it, right? It's STILL July after all lmao

Summary: Your family is hosting a party for the 4th of July in your family house until midnight. But, a certain someone comes into your room to have some alone time with you.

It's the 4th of July and your family decided to invite their friends and neighbors to have some barbeque in your family house. It's a big day for them, but you can't help it to wait for someone special that you know he's gonna come tonight. It's your dad's best friend, Javier Pena.

And you're not even going to lie, Javier is one of the most attractive people on this planet. You have known him since you were in middle school. When your dad invites his best friends to look at his new car, he introduces you to all of them. But, you were smitten by him, because of his broad shoulders and that handsome face of his. His tight pants and those beautiful brown eyes keep you on the edge every time he comes over to your family home.

You've been thinking about him ever since. You think that he's taken an interest in you too. You always catch him looking at you with…. hungry eyes. Like a predator trying to keep an eye on his prey before anyone or anything else can catch you before him. Every time you catch him looking at you, he'll look the other way real quick. But, you noticed him every time.

But today was different. Today, you're excited to go see the fireworks, especially him. Your parents and their friends are already on the porch, barbequing, drinking, and having some fun talking about their lives. They seem busy with what they're doing. You finally catch his eyes in the crowds of people. You both start a starring contest for a while with flirty eyes. But, you suddenly break the eye contact to wink and start walking to your bedroom upstairs. You hope he got the hint.

So here you are now, sitting on your bed in your white nightgown, waiting for Javier to show up with all your hopes and dreams riding high in the air. Finally, Javier knocked on your door and started making his way inside your room.

He walks into your room like he owns the place and closes the door. "You waitin' for me, darling?"

You just nodded and gave your best puppy dog eyes.

He chuckles lightly and pulls his shirt off. You gasp quietly, watching him take his pants off and then lay them down somewhere on the floor next to his shoes and shirt. He turns back to face you and gives you a devilish grin.

"Are we going to do things or just stare at each other?" He raises a brow and you giggle a little.

He got on top of you and your breath hitches when you feel his hand rest on your hip as you close your eyes. You open your eyes to find him smirking at you. He didn't let you wait and slowly slide his cock into your wet cunt. You groan as you feel the head stretching you.

"Shhh, baby girl, shhhh.. It won't hurt so much if you stay quiet"

You close your eyes and just enjoy the feeling of having him inside you. But the feeling of him stretching you was almost too much. You have enough experience with sex, but you didn't expect him to be this big. You start to whimper and cry a little bit because of the overwhelming feelings you experienced.

"Shhh, babygirl. Don't cry. I know it's too much for you, huh? My cock is too big for your cute little cunt? Just breathe in, honey. You're taking me so well. I'm almost all the way inside of ya, honey"

He keeps his body as still as possible to let you adjust to his bulbous head before he thrust forward and pushes his full length inside of you.

"God dammit, honey. You're squeezing me so much. I'm trying so hard not to fuck you like a fuck toy that you are. Do you like this, babygirl? Huh? You like my cock so much that you squeeze me this hard to keep me inside of you? I know you fucking like this because I can feel you dripping all over my balls, honey"

Soon enough you feel the familiar wave of pleasure washing over you and you cry out loud. You hear Javier moan loudly along with you. He finally, slowly thrusting into you.

"Oh fuuucck… that's it, babygirl. You've taken all of me inside of you. Fuck, you squeezing me so much, babygirl. You feel so good, so warm. I'm so proud of you, honey. You are my perfect little toy, huh?" he murmurs against your ear and you just whimper in response.

He starts thrusting into you fast. As he hits the spot that you need, you start screaming his name. You can hear him moaning as he pumps his cock faster. The waves of pleasure are crashing and crashing over you and your legs are shaking uncontrollably. You feel his cock twitch in your tight pussy and you feel him fill you completely. A few seconds later, you finally reach your climax and he comes deep into you. He grabs you tightly with his arms and collapses on top of you.

"I love you, babygirl. I love you so much," he mutters and pulls his head from the crook between your neck and shoulder and kisses you passionately.

[spaceorphan18]

Top 5 inappropriate places/situations Pen & Colin have sex because they just can’t keep it in their breeches.

You know. I blame you for being this unhinged.

****

Bridgerton House (Colin's old bedroom)

It's Gregory or Hyacinth's or someone's engagement party. And for the first time in ages, for nostalgic reasons, Colin ends up back in his old room. And Penelope follows him. And they have a chat that, for as long as she had known the family, she had never actually been in his room. And he ends up admitting about how he used to dream about her. And she wants to know what kind of dreams. And asks him to describe them to her. And she'll ask him if he used to touch himself thinking about her, because you know, they've been married for ten years now and she's bold like that. And then they get into what if they had figured their shit out at a younger age and end up fucking on the bed pretending to be virgins again.

****

Featherington House (Drawing Room)

Everyone else is preoccupied else where for the time being. Idk, maybe Phillipa is giving birth to her fourth child and Dankworth and Finch are babysitting outside, idk. Or... maybe this is at night and everyone is asleep? Anyway, she's sitting where she always used to sit, starring out the window, and Colin comes into the room and finds her just breathtaking. And Penelope admits she used to think about him just coming in and rescuing her from this house. She'd watch from the window, and watch him, and dream. And of course, those are the magic words because then they're making out on the couch, and Colin's doing all sorts of things with his hands. And they're not even afraid of someone finding them, but Colin insists they try to stay quiet so not to wake anyone else up. And Pen, again because she is bold, says he'll have to find ways to keep her mouth busy. And he does. And they fuck on the couch still mostly clothed. The next morning they're in giggles when Prudence drapes herself over the place they came the previous night.

****

The Library

The first public library in London opened in 1841. Yes, I looked it up. Yes, Pen and Colin would be in, like, their fifties. Yes, they fucked in it because books.

****

Somewhere in India (Anthony and Kate's House)

Pen and Colin travel a lot (and why yes, they try to make it a point to fuck in every new country they're in) but this time they're spending time at the Bridgerton-Sharma residence (as Anthony spends half his time in India now). And Colin decides to fuck Pen very loudly in the guest room because the previous night, Anthony and Kate were being obnoxiously loud themselves, and Colin can be competitive and he'll sure as hell prove he can make his wife scream louder.

****

A Carriage. Anywhere.

It's Pen's idea. Because we've already established she's bold like this. They're rich and have time and why not? And it starts out because Pen just has a thing for that pirate coat. And Colin let's slip one day that he has a thing for her LW hood. So Pen gets the idea that they should play pretend, and pretend to be strangers and he'll be in his old coat, and she'll have on her hood, and they'll be playful at whatever random event they're at and they'll end up in a carriage then fucking happens. All the fucking. In the carriage. All around London because they paid the driver to be discreet. And they don't even care who can hear them. Or if some passerby catches a glimpse. They don't care because they're too wrapped up in each other and being in love with each other to care at all. They do it to feel connection and love and safety and it's a little bit thrilling in a moving vehicle that's technically out in public in a society that would be so, so scandalized, but they don't fucking care. Because they have each other. And that's all that matters.

[didyoulookforme]

(not quite) sfw alphabet: cute & soft matty healy x fem reader

oh, hello hi! seems like many of you enjoyed the nsfw alphabet so i thought i would try and do the (mostly) sfw version to give lovely soft matty some sort of backstory.

again, in my dream world this bf matty is a shy romantic horny opinionated man who is mostly a sub.

nothing super unique, just mostly here for the soft matty vibes because we all deserve one of those. that and i've been in my fluffy feels these past few days.

warning: 18+, some smutty mentions. grammatical errors, typos. this doesn't really follow a timeline, so let's suspend reality here.

matty healy masterlist here

--------

a = affection (how affectionate are they? how do they show affection?)

towards his friends: he will give them a hug here and there, but he usually reserves those for very special occasions (eg. birthdays or record launches) or if someone is clearly upset.

towards you: he will shower you with affection whenever he can without being too overbearing in public (unless he's had too much to drink hehe. he will cling to you like a leech then.) hugs, kisses on top of your head, holding hands. he likes cute signs of affection while you're out and about. now, if you're alone, he will hold you for as long as he can. think cuddles on the couch, limbs all intertwined, your bodies melting into each other, him almost begging for you to please play with his hair because he loves the feeling of your nails against his scalp. he will listen to you ramble on about whatever happened at work, pretending like he's following along but half of the time he can't keep up because you talk 10 miles per second. he knows that your favourite flowers are tulips, so every spring he will make sure the vase on your bedside table is full of them, and if he's on tour, he'll arrange for you get a special delivery of the yellowish orange ones you love so you don't dare forget about him. not that you ever would <3

b = best friend (what would they be like as a best friend? how would the friendship start?)

lucky for you (and not in a sarcastic way), matty's been your best friend since year 9 when you became his tutor because him and numbers do not mix. you would stay with him after classes to try your best to help, but half of the time the two of you would end up getting distracted talking about random topics such as your favourite bands and gossip from school, or sneaking out to smoke (he’s the one who showed you how to do so). you found him intriguing since the beginning—you weren’t sure how someone so shy and soft spoken could be in a band and have a bunch of teenage girls lusting after him. he was quiet, sure, but very witty and funny once he got on chatting. he took an interest in you too, noticing how you’d try your best to keep the conversation going as he wasn’t an eloquent one with words. he appreciated that, your patience to actually keep him engaged and your eagerness to connect with him. even though the girls were after him and his bandmates at all times, he never really paid attention to them, thus the boys were in shock when he brought you over to practice one night. like, matthew bringing a girl to their sacred space, wtf? but handsome george did notice how matty played effortlessly and better when you were around so george would try and get you to come to practice every once in a while so they could get the best version of matthew possible.

as best friends, you were there for each other through it all (even through your arguments) because you just clicked so well. you knew everything about each other. every. single. little. thing. but as the band started to get bigger, it was difficult to find the time to hang out as he would be rather busy. you were always supportive, but you'd be lying if you didn't miss having your friend around and being able to see him whenever you pleased. it wasn't the same just seeing photos of him pop up on the internet or get texts from him whenever he could find the time. however, when we would come back, you picked up as if nothing had ever changed. and it is always hard to believe that after 15-16 years of friendship, you'd finally get over yourselves and actually try to see if you could work out romantically. which you do :)

c = cuddles (do they like to cuddle? how would they cuddle?)

"can i have a cuddle?" is probably one of the things he says the most to you. he loves loves loves to snuggle, but just with you though. he enjoys the company and the warmth of having you close to him when possible. it makes him feel safe. his favourite is when he gets to cuddle you after you wake up, just heavy limbs around each other while lazily kissing your lips. there's been times when he's been sad about something and you're not there, so george will tease him (do you need a cuddle, sweetheart?), but the good friend that he is, he will actually spend some time with him, an arm around matty's shoulders trying to cheer him up. it does the trick most of the time.

d = domestic (do they want to settle down? how are they at cooking and cleaning?)

my boy here calls in the movers (eg. george and ross) the second you accept to move in with him. matty is over the moon that he will get to wake up pressed against your naked body every morning, that he will get to see you wear his clothes when you make your daily cup of tea, that he will come home to you and mayhem cuddled on his sofa after a long day at the studio. he's been dreaming of this moment for quite a while and when it does happen, he's thankful to everything that is holy that you like him enough to deal with him on a daily basis.

which, you do have to deal with his messes because he is not the neatest person. he's not that bad but you have to pick up after him when he gets distracted because he's already probably making a slight mess elsewhere. think shirts over chairs, empty mugs on surfaces, socks by the sofa, towels on the bathroom floor, a stack of open books on the desk, etc etc. again, not bad really, just a quirk of his. however, you don't mind it at all as he's a mean cook in the kitchen. matty will treat you to a three course french gourmet dinner any evening (plus some sex as an extra dessert).

e = ending (if they had to break up with their partner, how would they do it?)

oh god... he thinks the world of you and wants you to be the happiest ever so if at some point he feels like you'd be better off without him, he'd heartbreakingly let you go, letting you know that he will always be there for you. if it were to happen, there would be endless tears and so much pain due to the loss of your relationship. but you would eventually be friends again, maybe not as close as before, but you've shared so much together to not be a part of each other's lives in some way, shape or form. ugh. too much for my heart to handle. don't make me even though i secretly love angst.

f = fiance (how do they feel about commitment? how quick would they want to get married?)

on the same vein as above, commitment often scares him but not because he's afraid of spending the rest of his life with you, but mostly because he's weary of not being enough or giving you what you deserve. he's also not really sure if he's the marriage type of guy, thinking that it's mostly a label and what would actually change if you did get married (other than having fancy rings?). but that was until that one time when you got a piece of mail and, for some reason instead of it having your surname, it had his attached to your name. this made him feel some sort of way as his heart started to race and his hands got all clammy, the name being repeated inside his head over and over again. huh. it didn't sound half bad, did it? that stayed with him for weeks on end, until one night, when you were all at a bar with friends and someone asked the both of you that annoying "do you think you'll get married?" question. you were about to answer, but were surprised when matty beat you to it, "i think i could see myself settling down." he looked at you with apprehensive eyes, knowing that he had never voiced any interest in marriage out loud and was nervous of what you'd say. but you responded with a blush on your face and a soft "yeah, maybe" while you grabbed his hand under the table and gave it a tight squeeze which he returned. <3

g = gentle (how gentle are they, both physically and emotionally?)

he's the most gentle boy you could ever imagine, you couldn't have dreamt him up even in your wildest dreams. i guess that's partly due to his shy, soft demeanour. he's always been that way as far as you can remember. well, to you at least. he can be snarky with his other close friends if deeply provoked, but it still takes a lot to get him to that point. but yes with you, he'll do everything in his power to make you feel at ease. if you're anxious or sad, he will listen to you and hold near you while you cry (and let you take out his frustrations out on him). if you're in pain, he will comfort you, wishing he could take the hurt away (and this is where period sex comes in because he knows it will make you feel better...)

h = hugs (do they like hugs? how often do they do it? what are their hugs like?)

he loves them. cannot get enough of them. each time he sees you he has to wrap his arms around you and bring you as close to him as humanly possible to breathe in your scent. BUT that's only after you started dating. prior to that, yes, he would hug you but tbh it was very hard on him as he was (very obviously) pining for you. before you were official, it would take all of his strength to not keep holding on to you but he knew that if he did it for too long, then his heart wouldn't be able to take it. this boy NEEDED YOU for him to be complete. poor matty. however, now that the both of you are an item, he hurries to wrap his arms around your waist each time he greets you, drawing soft, gentle circles on your back as he kisses the top of your head. he's a precious one.

i = i love you (how fast do they say the l-word?)

the thing is that, even before you confessed you liked each other, matty already knew he loved you so it was very difficult for him to not say it right away. you might be surprised because, well, it's shy subby matty we're talking about here, but he was actually the one who said it first a few months after you were dating. not entirely sure of the situation (as this could be a blurb on it's own because who doesn't love a fluffy 'i love you' story) but when he did say those three words, it took you a minute to realize you weren't dreaming that even sweetheart matty got very nervous and begged you to "please, say something" as he grabbed and kissed your hand. it wasn't until you finally came back to reality and the ringing in your ears stopped, that you said it back to him. and there was a lot of kissing and passionate sex after lol.

j = jealousy (how jealous do they get? what do they do when they’re jealous?)

sweet matty tries to pretend like he NEVER get jealous, but it's so darn obvious when it happens that it's actually endearing (most of the time, at least). he won't really get mad at you per se as you are not really the flirty type, but what triggers him is when other guys try to touch you in a suggestive type of way (eg. when a hand lingers on your arm for too long or someone wraps their arm around your lower back). you can tell he is jealous because his nervous tendencies become apparent, like the rapid tapping of his foot or running his hands through his hair nonstop. but if he gets really, REALLY jealous, then his small but possessive side will show, going to interrupt whatever inappropriate interaction is taking place. when this happened the first time, you were taken aback as to how suave he was when he put a hand on your ass and pulled you close to him, continuing on to interrogate the other guy who was trying to get in your pants.

an interesting time was when you (drunkenly) admitted that you once made out with ross backstage (pre-dating him). matty about went and drove to his house to give him a piece of his mind but he ended up just sitting on the couch acting all upset that one of his friends got to kiss you before him. the next day you got a text from ross "hey. is matty alright? he keeps looking at me like i just kicked a baby kitten..."

k = kisses (what are their kisses like? Where do they like to kiss you? Where do they like to be kissed?)

75% of the time they're sweet and gentle with the other 25% being needy, sloppy (in a good way), and breathtaking (literally). he's one of those that will have his sleeves over his hands as he cups your face and sweetly kisses you, cutely grinning against your lips and whispering endless i love you's. or he'll place his arms on your shoulders and wrap them around your neck, bringing you as close as possible to kiss you as if this is the last time he will ever have you, all while countless moans and whimpers spill onto your lips (<- this will usually happen when he's very very turned on).

this man loves to kiss your hands, too. he loves to kiss them as often as he can. whether it is when he firsts sees you, or when you are in a date, or when you’re holding his face.

and for him, kiss that spot under his ear where the jaw meets his neck and he will melt. every. single. time. if you do it while pulling on his hair? that's it. you will have him at your mercy to do whatever you require (not that he really needs any convincing).

l = little ones (how are they around children?)

seeing him around children is one of the most endearing yet hilarious sights ever. he treats them as if they were already adults. he'll have conversations with then about topics that no child should be discussing (eg. the film he just watched or the state of the world). but his favourite is making them listen to music he likes because he wants to be the cool uncle / friend / individual in this child's life and introduce them to good music early on.

you haven't necessarily discussed having children, but every now and then you'll catch him say "when i have a kid, they will..." or "my kid would be / do..." which makes it fairly obvious that at some point he does want to have a family of his own.

m = morning (how are mornings spent with them?)

you usually end up waking up first, but you'll be sure to cuddle with him prior to actually getting up for bed. that or having morning sex because that never hurt anyone, did it? unless you have something to get to, as then you'd for sure be late for it because, as we know, quickies aren't a thing for either of you. ANYWAY. a perfect morning for the two of you is a lazy one, really. not having much obligation nor having to think about what the day holds ahead. there are times when you'll just spend a couple of hours cuddled up watching your fav show—matthew would probably end up passing out again. or sometimes you'll be out n about doing some grocery shopping while matty tries his darnest to pick up after his messes only to end up being distracted by a song idea, his puppy, or browsing ebay for some new art to buy.

if you for some reason do have to get up super early, you better be sure there are 5 or 20 alarms set as the two of you combined can set the record for the most snooze hits in an hour.

n = night (how are nights spent with them?)

when you finally live at matty's, you get into your ritual of making sure you eat dinner together when he's around. it's filled with him cooking up the new recipe he just found, sharing a bottle of red wine, listening to some of your fav records, a cute cozy endeavour. there's an unspoken understanding that this is the time when you catch up each other on how your days went.

every now and then, you'll take a bath right before bed and he will come in and sit on the chair besides the tub, reading you a few pages of your book outloud. you may have sex, but even if that doesn't happen, you'll always kiss each other softly for a few minutes before calling it a night. he then passes out stat.

when he's away on tour and if there's nowhere to be after a show, you can expect that he'll be in his bunk or at the back of the bus texting or facetiming you depending on the time zone. if it's a very late video call, it's mostly a silent conversation while you look at each other, sometimes quietly sobbing because you miss each other so.

o = open (when would they start revealing things about themselves? do they say everything all at once or wait a while to reveal things slowly?)

this is a slow endeavour for the both of you, not because you don’t trust each other (hell, you eventually become bffs), but because you are interested in each other romantically almost from the start and don’t want to ruin your friendship by divulging too much. at the beginning, you’d talk about common interests and what not. as you grew up you'd talk about your relationships trying not to be awkward about it. which btw, when you told matty you had lost your virginity he about passed out because a. you were having sex with someone who wasn't him, b. it sounds like the dude was fucking awful at it (you didn't spare the details mentioning that he didn't make you cum), and c. you were comfortable enough talking about your sex life with him which he secretly enjoyed as he got to take mental notes of what turned you on... just in the off chance he could have an opportunity with you... he mostly listened and nodded and shook his head. on the other hand, whenever he would talk about his dating and sex life with you, you'd question him about every single detail (you have no shame or filter), sometimes making him turn scarlett red because of the questions you ask (eg. what's are your kinks or how do you like to go down on a girl?)

p = patience (how easily angered are they?)

for the most part he's one patient human being. he has a pretty chill, calm demeanour in most aspects of his life (eg. the band, his friends, his family, you). he doesn't really believe in getting stressed out too much when things are out of his control, maybe it's all the weed too, though.

q = quizzes (how much would they remember about you? do they remember every little detail you mention in passing, or do they kind of forget everything?)

when it comes to you, it's almost like he has a filing cabinet inside his head, filled with anything and everything in regards to you and your friendship / relationship with him. he's head-over-heels smitten that he remembers and notices the most random details about you: your favourite tea condiments (oat milk and honey), your favourite eye shadow colour (cobalt blue), your favourite kind of cat (orange tabby). he also remembers every single one of your exes and has noticed, funnily enough, that most of them tend to have brown curly hair…

r = remember (what is their favorite moment in your relationship?)

there have been so many memorable times spent with you, but one instance that often comes to his mind was after one of their first shows. everyone was over at his place. you all went outside behind the house to a beautiful green space leading up to a small creek, everyone sitting down by the edge of the water drinking the many beers and bottles of wine brought along. after a few hours, everyone (including yourself) was properly drunk and it was all bliss. you spent hours upon hours talking to all of them, hearing about their thoughts regarding the show they had just played, sharing their favourite bits from the set. it seemed simple, but knowing that you cared so much about him and the band meant the world to him. he remembers as everyone eventually started heading off to bed, but you didn't, you stayed behind to chat with him even though he could tell you were growing tired. and out of nowhere (probably due to the alcohol in his system) he asked you about a boy you had been seeing on and off. "how come you two aren't together?" "i guess i'm old fashioned and just want someone to myself and he doesn't. so i'm not really what he's after." "there’s nothing wrong with that. but i think he's an idiot for not being with you." you laughed it off casually, but he very clearly noticed as you slowly scooted closer to him until your legs were touching. again, it was a small gesture, but that was the first time when he felt that maybe, just maybe, there was something that could happen between the two of you. and god knows he wanted it because he had been dreaming of being with you so badly. however, it still took years to get there. all good things take time.

s = security (how protective are they? how would they protect you? how would they like to be protected?)

he's shy and soft, but he is oh so protective of you almost to a fault; he wants nothing bad to ever happen to you, physically or emotionally. he will defend you whenever someone says anything remotely bad about you. sometimes it's not even something overly malicious, but he can read into things too much when you're involved. like that one time a girl mocked you for your outfit. you honestly didn't think much of it (you agreed really, even if she was a bitch about it), but dear matty here wouldn't shut it as he was more offended than you. he means the best, though.

t = try (how much effort would they put into dates, anniversaries, gifts, everyday tasks?)

oh god, the dates and anniversaries. he wants everything to be perfect that if something goes wrong, then that's one of the times when he'll actually get stressed out and flustered. he's got the dinner making down to a science (he knows your fav recipes by heart), he knows what you like for physical gifts (he has a list on notes app of things you mention in passing), but when it comes to scheduling events or making reservations... that doesn't come so easily to him lol. he has a horrid habit of leaving it until the last minute. that's probably why at the beginning of your relationship, the dates always (well, for the most part) end up being in your flat, with him making you dinner instead, which you honestly prefer that as it makes it for personal and romantic. after a few months, it becomes an unspoken agreement that you're the one that schedules any restaurant dinners or trips (and he's oh so grateful for it). you just tell him where and what time, and he'll be there with bells on, wearing his best bf matty outfit possible. you better bet that for one of your restaurant dates he'll pull out this number and you won't even want to finish dinner because you have to get back home and shag him. and when he wears this one for your one year anniversary, well, you end up renting a room at the closest hotel because there is no way in hell you're waiting to use that bow tie to have some fun.

u = ugly (what would be some bad habits of theirs?)

he picks his nails and it drives you up the wall. you try to get him to stop but he always swats your hand away when you do so. he does it so often and doesn't even realize it. you've jokingly given him mittens every single year for his birthday as a (not so silent) plea for him to stop lol.

v = vanity (how concerned are they with their looks?)

it goes in phases with current bf matty. it mostly depends on his mood, really. there are times when he'll just choose from the pile of clothes he left on the floor throughout the week and that will suffice. but there are other days when he tries out about 7-8 different outfits until he lands on the right one for the occasion (mostly to impress you).

for some reason he has gotten into straightening his hair every now and then which made you throw a fit when you saw the photos on twitter while he was on tour. the thought of him frying up those beautiful curls of his made you tear up a bit but deep down you were like FUUUUUUUUUUCK ME UP DADDY you're gorgeous.

and don't get me started on the chain necklaces. if he wears those without a shirt on? you immediately have to excuse yourself and go scream into your arm because you cannot handle it. and he is well aware of this, which is probably why he does it in the first place. little minx.

w = whole (would they feel incomplete without you?)

nope. even if he waited years and years you're the only person who would truly make him complete. and to be fair, everyone and their mum knew this was the case before either of you fully recognized it or did anything about it. he's like a lost puppy without you, even to the point that when he hears your name mentioned, he perks up looking to see / hear what is being said about you.

x = xtra (a random headcanon for them.)

he has one of those freaking electric scooters which he likes to ride everywhere, and he can be very annoying about it. you bet he's inside the concert arenas doing laps on this thing while the stage is being set up.

he will try to get you to ride with him even though you hate it as you feel like you're just gonna fall off and break your leg. but in reality, he gets you to ride along as an excuse for you to hold on to him, because he's too afraid / nervous to show physical affection towards you in many other ways.

once you start dating and he reveals this, you bow to never go on or near that thing ever again. but that same christmas he does gift you your own as a joke (well, not really tho) so you have to resign yourself to ride around with him, but not after getting yourself a helmet because the last thing you want is for your death certificate to read "cause of death: matty healy's scooter."

y = yuck (what are some things they wouldn’t like, either in general or in a partner?)

some random things that he dislikes: sandals with socks, raw onion, cars honking, his old cranky neighbour, vaping, hann when he's trying to teach him a grownup lesson.

some things he doesn't like in a partner: when they chew loudly or when they lie. we're talking two very different ends of the spectrum here. make sure you never lie to him if you don't want to see him get truly mad...

z = zzz (what is a sleep habits of theirs?)

it's absolutely clear to every single person who knows bf matty that he LOVES his beauty sleep. he makes sure to take a short nap (almost) every day to give him some energy, cuddling up to mayhem and/or you if either are near him. during tour, everyone knows to not wake him up when he's in his bunk otherwise he'll be grumpy and a diva for the rest of the day. when he's not sleeping with you in his arms, he will lie on his stomach with his arms under the pillow and snooze away. he's also an underwear-only kind of guy when he goes to bed at night (or naked if he's just had sex with you).

--------

if you made it this far again, thank you for indulging me :)

let me know if there are any bits you'd like me to expand on. always more than happy to do so when it come to this matty (my dream boy, really).

[kitchenisking]

Sterek Fic Rec

Seventh Night of Chunnuka

I Howl When We're Apart by victurius - (Rating: Explicit, Words: 3,433, sterek)

In which Derek takes possessiveness to a whole new level...

A Window to His Soul by OKDeanna - (Rating: T, Words: 3,627, sterek)

When Stiles takes a tumble in the Preserve, it's Derek who helps pull him back up to safety, making Stiles realize just how often the other man has managed to save him. How much they've managed to save each other... while somehow avoiding the one thing they both seem to want the most.

Until now.

Timeline: Post Series - Movie? What Movie?

Where The Wild Things Are by DeadWalker - (Rating: T, Words: 30,049, sterek)

Derek finds a boy in the woods. He might not have realized it then, but that is the moment his whole life changes.

Mountain To Hide Behind by Hedwig221b - (Rating: T, Words: 3,352, sterek)

“Did you honestly think Stiles wouldn’t notice your absence? He can’t even stomach his dinner, because he knows you’re busy fucking side-chicks as he does so.”

A stunned silence filled the room.

Right then, faced with the sentence he was too scared to even think of, Stiles realized he couldn’t take it anymore. At his first mortifying quiet sniff, Derek swerved around to look at him.

He looked horrified.

Once Upon a Dream by gryvon - (Rating: T, Words: 14,043, sterek)

Stiles has been dreaming of the Hale family burning alive since he was a child. After being locked in Eichen for a year, Stiles learns to keep his visions to himself. That doesn't stop him from keeping an eye on Derek Hale while he waits for Kate Argent to make her move. Only watching Derek becomes loving Derek and stopping Derek and Kate from getting together turns into Stiles dating Derek Hale. He's in love with Derek but his visions haven't stopped, only now he has to watch Derek die with the rest of his family. He'll do anything to keep that dream from becoming reality.

A Letter From Mom by StilesIsMySpiritAnimal - (Rating: Explicit, Words: 32,906, sterek)

After waking up at the age of 11 without any memories of his past Stiles spends eight years with his father in the tiny town of Shelter Cove, California. After his father's death he receives a notice from a storage facility in some town called Beacon Hills. Stiles is confused and thinks the manager made a mistake until he finds a letter that should have been for his 18th birthday that his dad never gave him. It's from his mother, who he has no memory of. Weirdly enough, her letter mentions Beacon Hills and some woman named Talia, who he's supposed to trust. Confused and angry at his father, Stiles sets out for Beacon Hills anxious and determined to find out what his dad had been hiding from him all these years.

Gimme Shelter by SophieTrancy - (Rating: Explicit, Words: 22,910, sterek)

Things aren’t exactly going Stiles’ way. With all the bad things that have happened in BH, Stiles seeks refuge with the only person Stiles truly trusts. Derek. Stiles left everything behind, finding shelter in Derek’s home in a small town away from everyone. In a mix of bottled up feelings, lust and traumatizing pasts, they find peace in each other. 

Set after season 5A - My take on their 'Sterek' happy ending

Rumble by clairell - (Rating: Mature, Words: 1,405, sterek)

Derek and Stiles have sex during a thunderstorm.

Say My Name by Giggles96 - (Rating: Explicit, Words: 2,867, sterek)

Prompt: Can you please pretty please write something where Stiles is unable to call Derek anything other than daddy or da-da? Please oh my God, please? Prefer it to be sexual but non-sexual’s fine too.

When a witch’s curse renders Stiles unable to refer to Derek as anything other than Daddy, it never occurs to anyone that Derek may just have been granted his deepest, darkest wish.

Love You in the Dark by thedevilyousay - (Rating: Mature, Words: 3,682, sterek)

Prompt: Person B knowing they’re undoubtedly about to die within the next few seconds, likely from the gaping wound they’re bleeding out from. Instead of calling for help, they phone Person A and carry on a casual conversation as if nothing is wrong, making sure to mention how much they love them before their time runs out.

It’s the ringtone that wakes him. He’s only been asleep for an hour or two, maybe, and to his sleep deprived brain it’s the most obnoxious noise he’s ever heard. He blindly flails for the phone, knows it’s buried some where in the bed. He finally finds it mid chorus, “got my heartbeat running away” still echoing as he slides to answer.

" What?” He snarls.

“Derek! Derek. H-hey, hey, were you asleep? I figured you’d still be awake but I’m going to guess you were asleep because of your voice and I –“

[livingformintyoongi]

Cruel Summer | Hyung Line

I've been working on this for quite some time because I've been busy making the requests. Even though I still have a few more to go, I wanted to post it because it's really something I'm very excited about ^^

Taglist: @thunderg @drpepperobsessed @minjianhyung @queenv1997 @yoongtism @lizzymizzy-blogg @zent9 @superbbananananana

Jin: “It’s cool, that’s what I tell ‘em/No rules, in breakable heaven/It’s a cruel summer/With you”.

You checked your phone for the third time tonight. There were no messages or missed calls. You were starting to get anxious.

"Is everything okay, Y/N?" the soft voice of Soomin interrupted the mess that was starting to form in your head. Nothing was fine, quite the opposite. Jin had ignored all your messages and calls, you knew he was busy, but you were starting to worry, what if something bad had happened to him?

"I'm sure it's because of Seokjin" Chaeyoung said, absentmindedly eating a piece of fried chicken. She didn't look perturbed at all. You envied that about her. "Y/N, you know that what you're doing won't get you anywhere, why do you keep going?"

"It has nothing to do with that, and just so you know, we're getting along just fine" you replied quietly, taking your fruit smoothie and drinking it. "We don't need a name for our relationship, and we don't have to dedicate time to each other 24/7 either, it's like having a boyfriend, but with a lot less work", yeah, well, you didn't believe what you just said either, but neither of them need to know that.

"I thought you liked the idea of having a boyfriend" Sooah, who was at the other corner of the table, looked up from her book and studied you with that scary look she gave every time the gears in her head started turning. She seriously scared you when she made that face, "or are you just saying that to try to fool yourself just because you got used to his company and don't want to lose him anymore?".

It scared you how accurate her prediction was.

"Sooah, calm down" Yoori, one of your closest friends, rested her hand on your shoulder and gently rubbed it. A sympathetic smile appeared on her face and as soon as you saw her, you started to feel ashamed of yourself. Shit, did you look that bad for Yoori to see you that way? "Human relationships are complicated, don't be anxious about going through problems like that, it happens to everyone sometime."

"If you're so worried about him not answering, why don't you pay him a visit? Maybe he'll be glad to see you, after all he's the one who always comes looking for you."

The idea of going to his house on your own made you too nervous, especially since he had made it quite clear that he didn't like people showing up out of the blue there. He had mentioned something about how he was afraid the place would leak and some obsessed person would break into his house. That was one of the reasons he always went to your house, no one followed you to your front door.

"What if he gets upset?" you muttered with a slight frown.

"Tell him the reason you wanted to look for him" Soomin directed a smile so bright you almost smiled back, "If everything you've told us about him is true, he'll probably be very excited to see you."

You smiled helplessly. Jin was so much more than someone to hang out with and just have sex with. He was sweet, he loved to cook for you, to massage your back when you were too tense, or to kiss your face every time you saw him for a long time. He was the man of your dreams, everything you ever wanted in your life, so why did you have this feeling in your chest that there was something you still didn't see? Nothing could be completely perfect, you repeated to yourself every time you saw him, he couldn't be the exception.

"I'll walk you" Sooah stood up from her seat, taking her car keys and staring at you. Her blue eyes were such a contrast to the somber look she had.

"Thanks" you mumbled, taking your purse and dropping some money to pay your share.

The trip was too quiet. You loved Sooah, and you knew she loved you too. You've known her for as long as you can remember, so you understood that she wasn't cold, just distrustful. At some point in your friendship you ended up deciphering the kind of silences she gave. This one definitely gave you a bad feeling.

"You shouldn't write to him so much" she said in a raspy voice. It took you a while to figure out what she meant, "If he doesn't respond to the first message, indeed, if he deliberately ignores your call, why even make an effort to get him...whatever they have, to move on?"

"Why do you say he ignored my call?" You felt a tightness in your chest as you noticed how Sooah's hands squeezed the handlebars of the car until her knuckles went pale. She knew something. 

"Why don't you better find out for yourself?" she replied after a few minutes of silence. She parked the car in front of the house and turned to look at you. 

"You know something, don't you?" your lips tightened tightly as you noticed that no words were going to come out of her. You were afraid of her answer, obviously, but you didn't want to be left wondering.

A sob, too loud and high-pitched to belong to a man, pulled you out of the staring war you began to have with Sooah. You both turned to see where the noise was coming from. You immediately wished you hadn't.

You could feel Sooah's gaze on the back of your head, but she didn't say a word. You only had eyes for Jin right now, to be more specific, you only had eyes for Jin and the girl who was clinging to him as if her life depended on it.

You wanted an explanation. Now.

"I saw her out with him this morning" you heard from the driver's side, "At first I thought she was a friend, but Namjoon told me she was Jin's ex-girlfriend. From what he told me, they've known each other since high school."

You understood her point. His ex-girlfriend from a few years ago shows up in a place as private as this, right in the middle of Jin's vacation, wearing a dress too fancy to be on the beach, and crying her eyes out on Jin's chest. The same chest you fell asleep on all night.

"I trust Jin" you whispered, not sure if you were saying it to Sooah or to yourself. Yes, you two weren't an official couple, but you had sworn exclusivity to each other until whatever it was you had was over. He promised you, face to face, it was the first time you saw him so serious.

You could hear Sooah's sigh. She didn't trust his word as much as you did.

You started nibbling on your lip with each passing second. The girl didn't seem to want to pull away, but Jin didn't seem to want to push her away either. 

"Y/N" Sooah gently took your elbow. You didn't look away from the couple in front of you. "I'm just trying to show you what kept him busy enough to ignore you..."

"I don't know if he did it on purpose," you said, raising your voice and turning to look at her. You felt terrible to see Sooah's hurt look at your shout. You had never raised your voice to her before. "She's just a friend and..."

You frowned as you saw Sooah's eyes widen in surprise. She was looking behind you. It was only at that moment that you realized that irritating sobs were no longer audible.

You turned around fast enough that your neck hurt like hell itself. And then you saw it. The idiot was kissing her. He was grabbing her waist just like he did with you when he greeted you or said goodbye. 

"I..."

"Start the car, please" you mumbled, looking away from Jin and fixing your eyes on the street, it looked much more interesting now.

"Yes" she moved the key and the engine started to sound. You thought you heard Jin's voice behind you, but you preferred to think it was just your imagination.

A strong urge to get home and brush your teeth and body flooded you. You felt dirty, stupid and very, very upset. You took a long sigh, trying to get your rational side over the urge you had to hit him.

It wasn't until Sooah held out some tissues she pulled out of her trunk that you realized tears were streaming down your face.

"I'm fine" you whispered, wiping your face and keeping your expression as neutral as possible.

"I know" Sooah replied, taking your hand on the dashboard, "I just wanted to make sure you noticed too."

Yoongi: “"I love you, " ain't that the worst thing you ever heard? He looks up grinning like a devil”.

"Need help with that?" said Yoongi mockingly, pointing at your fumbling hands trying to fix the shorts you were wearing that night. It was hard to do in such a confined space.

"No thanks, I've got it under control" you grunted, pulling your feet up onto the trunk so you could give yourself a boost and pull your clothes up until they were around your waist. "And I'm sure you're much better at taking them off than putting them on." 

You tried to ignore his annoyed chuckle, looking at yourself in the rearview mirror and fixing your hair just enough so it didn't look like you'd just had the best night of sex of your life. 

"Do you need me to drop you off in your room?" Yoongi rested his palm on your thigh, caressing the soft skin with his fingertips. You had a hard time holding back the urge to laugh at the tickle he was giving you.

 "I'd love to let you come into my room and do whatever shit couples of friends with benefits would do, but unfortunately I have a tick named Jiah tonight, and I definitely don't want her to see or hear me having sex with you, so, thanks, but no" you removed his hand from your thigh and moved closer to him, kissing him deeply.

His hand stopped at your waist and caressed the exposed skin, sending shivers up and down your spine. It felt so good to be touched by Min Yoongi. You would never admit it in front of him.

"Go back carefully" you said between kisses and giggles. You wanted to go inside soon, before your lustful side won out over your rational side and you decided to leave your friend alone and sneak into Yoongi's house. You hated how he knew you well enough to know that if he kept kissing you like that you would end up giving in. 

"There, that's enough, I have to go" you whispered, grabbing Yoongi's cheeks and pulling him away just enough so that your lips didn't brush against each other. 

"Fine" he growled through his teeth, letting go of your waist and allowing you to open the door.

You gave him a kiss on the cheek before quickly stepping down and entering your colorful two-story house. You smiled as you noticed that Yoongi wasn't going to leave until you were inside the house. It took you a while trying to find your keys, decorated with too many cat key chains and desserts. When you opened the door, you turned around and blew him a kiss with laughter. You could see through the window as Yoongi's rubbery smile. God, you still didn't understand how that gorgeous man had agreed to go out with you.

You walked into the house, leaning your back against the door and sighing heavily. You were sure you had a stupid smile on your face, you hoped he hadn't seen it before you walked in.

"I see you did a lot better than me," you looked towards the kitchen, smiling as you saw Jiah walking towards you with a cup of coffee. You loved that mug, it had lots of baby kittens frolicking on top of some flower pots; between cursive letters it said 'for the best friend in the world'.

"You think?" you grabbed the mug she was offering you and took a small sip. It tasted very sweet, just the way you liked it. You couldn't help but groan in satisfaction. "Why don't you tell me about it after I take a shower? I feel too dirty, did you know riding a horse could leave you sweating so much?". You mentally crossed your fingers that I wouldn't dig into that any further.

"Don't worry, go" Jiah sent you a soft smile. Too bad it didn't reach her eyes. You wanted to kill whoever it was that had left her so down. "I'm tired anyway."

Before you could answer her, she went to the kitchen and turned on the water, starting to wash the dishes. You preferred to leave her alone, she seemed to want some time alone.

You went upstairs to your room, rummaging through your pillows for your pajamas. As you were trying to get a towel out of the bathroom cabinet, the notification sound of your cell phone alerted you, causing three towels to fall on you. You walked awkwardly to your phone, unlocking the screen and pursing your lips to keep from smiling like a maniac. 

You ran to your window, opening it as quietly as you could. You covered your mouth so the laughter that wanted to escape wouldn't come out and give you away. Your laughter is very loud.

Yoongi raised his hand and pointed his finger at his own phone. You frowned, cocking your head to the side and trying to figure out what he meant. Just as you opened your mouth to speak, your phone rang again. You saw the screen, still with Yoongi's chat on it.

The message was short and to the point ‘Tomorrow at 3 PM, reservation at Piccolino, don't be late’.

You almost dropped your cell phone as you read the message. Tomorrow was your birthday, and that restaurant was your favorite place. You didn't even remember mentioning any of those things to him.

You turned to look at him, your mouth was wide open, you had no idea what to say or do, so you opted for the first thing that popped into your head. You raised your arms above your head, forming a circle. 

You felt your cheeks blush at the sight of Yoongi's smug smile.

You lowered your arms, watching as he looked down at his phone and moved his fingers rapidly over the keypad. Seconds later, your phone rang again.

‘Rest.’

You stared at the screen, specifically the three little dots that indicated he was still typing. 

You stifled a squeak as you read the last message. You turned to look at him, catching his slightly pink cheeks and his awkward movement as he put the phone back in his pocket. He gave you one last smile, this one a little more shy, and shook his head goodbye.

It took you a while to react, but by the time you did, Yoongi was no longer in your backyard. 

You grabbed your phone and logged into Yoongi's chat, rereading his last message.

With a beaming smile, you began typing your reply.

‘I love you too.’

And you sent it.

Hoseok: “I'm drunk in the back of the car/And I cried like a baby coming home from the bar”.

You took a big breath of air, dropping your head against the back of the cab chair you had just taken. Your stomach seemed to be on fire and every breath you took made you feel immensely nauseous. You knew it was a bad idea to drink a vulgar amount of alcohol and, worse, to mix drinks, but what else could you do? You didn't feel able to talk about this with anyone. Your friends were in a rather similar situation, how could you ask them for advice? And you'd better not even think about telling your mother, she'd kill you if she found out that you had a purely sexual relationship with Hoseok. Now that you thought about it, it didn't seem like such a bad idea.

A soft vibration in your bag caught your attention. You opened your bag slowly, not because you didn't want to check your cell phone, but because you couldn't move properly due to the ridiculous amount of alcohol in your system. 

After several embarrassing attempts you managed to take out your cell phone, and the first thing that greeted you was a huge line of messages from Hoseok, most of them asking where you were, if you were well, asking if you had a problem or something like that. You pursed your lips, licking them with the tip of your tongue. 

You hated Hoseok. You hated that he was so sweet, that he was always worried about you, that he knew how you like to eat your meals, that he always lay on the left side of the bed because he knows you love to sleep on the right side, that he's always ready to run to you if you feel bad. You hated that he was so damn perfect, because that certainly didn't help the turmoil it generated in your feelings for him.

Before you knew it, a drop of salty water fell onto the lit screen of your cell phone, rolling slowly along all the messages that were reflected. You closed your eyes tightly and leaned your forehead against the edge of the pink glitter case you were holding, letting out all the tears you had been holding back since the beginning of the night.

You hated that you had noticed that you had feelings for him, and you hated yourself even more for not being able to face him and tell him how you felt, for having to resort to something as low as getting drunk to the point of no longer being able to take courage and tell him the truth. 

Take On Me by A-ha forced you to break away from your cell phone and look at the screen. By this point you didn't even feel surprised that he was the one calling you. He always did, to say goodnight, to wish you a good day, to remind you to eat all your meals, god, you weren't even sure if that was normal in a solely sexual relationship.

With your hands shaking slightly you hit the answer, bringing the phone to your ear, "Yes?" you practically whispered, burying your nails in the skin of your hands.

"Y/N?" you heard a long sigh from the other line, followed by a nervous sounding laugh, "I was so worried, I thought something had happened to you, you never leave messages on hold."

"I'm sorry" you wiped away your tears, ducking your head unconsciously. Hearing his voice calms you down a bit at first, but almost instantly you were upset again at the fact that he was calming you down. This wasn't supposed to happen.

"Don't apologize, I guess I overreacted a bit" he laughed softly again, and you were sure he was most likely scratching the back of his head. "Hey...I was thinking about, you know, this weekend."

You bit your bottom lip, closing your eyes until you saw white spots. You didn't want to talk about this.

"I know we were supposed to get together at my place, but I'm afraid I won't be able to make it, apparently my plumbing has a problem and I think it'll take them a while to fix it, but we could get together at your place!"

"No" you whispered, pressing your free arm against your stomach, the one that had decided to give you a painful pang just at this moment. "I don't want us to see each other again."

You were both silent for a few seconds, waiting to see the other's response. You honestly expected him to stop you, you waited for him to tell you not to leave, to insist on seeing you again. You wanted, no, you needed to hear those three words come out of his mouth, even if it was over the phone.

But Hoseok wasn't like that. He might be the sweetest guy in the world, but he would never say that thing you wanted to hear so badly. He would never fight for you or whatever it was you had. He wasn't brave.

"It's okay," he muttered. You listened as he took a long breath, only to then let it go in an equally long sigh, "Take care of yourself."

"I will."

And you cut.

You lifted your head, wiped away your tears and looked out the window, gazing out at the beautiful beach you thought you'd be on your entire vacation.

Namjoon: “It's new, the shape of your body/It's blue, the feeling I've got”.

"Why do you always leave so quickly?" you muttered, settling down on Namjoon's bed and directing your gaze to his nearly naked body.

"What do you mean?" he pulled his shirt over his head, ruffling his hair with his hand and picking up what appeared to be a rather worn notebook and a pencil with bites on the end.

"Whenever we're done you leave" you took his pillow between your arms, resting your chin on it, "Are you afraid of me or something?". 

Namjoon chuckled softly, looking up at you from his post next to the desk, "Why would you scare me away?"

"I don't know, maybe it's because I'm so serious" you kept your gaze fixed on him, his expressions, his body language, absolutely everything. You wanted to understand why he seemed to be so cold and warm with you at the same time, "or maybe you are intimidated by people who look you so much in the eyes, there are many reasons, I could give you quite a long list if you wanted".

"It'll be useless, you'll never find a reason why I'd freak out on you" he broke away from his desk, moving closer to the bed and sitting down next to you. You couldn't help but close your eyes as you felt his hand fall on your head.

"Why?" you whispered, taking his wrist and stroking it gently.

"Because the last thing I feel for you is fear," he said as he tangled his fingers in your hair. Rarely did you have it as messy as you did now, rarely did you look as calm as you did now. Namjoon had to endure the constant tingling he felt in his fingers.

"Then why did you seem to be running away from me? It makes me feel... strange" you sighed heavily, shifting your position. The ceiling seemed much more interesting right now.

"I'm sorry it looked like that" Namjoon bent down slightly, leaving a soft but lingering kiss on your forehead, "but I promise it's not what it looks like."

"Then what is it?"

"Do you think you could give me about... three days to answer you? Just three." 

You turned to look at Namjoon, frowning slightly. You didn't quite understand why he needed so much time, but you also didn't feel like you could deny him that when he saw you with that beautiful, mesmerizing look he had.

"Okay" you nodded slowly, feeling a tightness in your chest as you watched him get up and head back towards the exit of the room.

"I promise I won't let you down, babe," he said with a big smile before leaving. 

And, again, you were beginning to feel a deep emptiness in your chest and a sense of loneliness that gave you a sort of claustrophobic feeling. 

Just three more days, you told yourself, just that.

Masterlist

[tokyo-daaaamn-ji-gang]

random question that may or may not be self indulgent (it totally is). Who in tr do you think is the biggest cuddler?

Ok I started this one off by planning to try and put everyone in order of who likes cuddling the best to who isn't keen. However it got too difficult lmao so they're not in order but this is what I got for everyone.

Hina- The one who hugs the most in the canon material, she definitely loves cuddles! Uses them to comfort people and also likes to be comforted with them. 

Emma- She is seen so often cuddling her bear, cuddles out of pure affection. When she's feeling overly emotional she gets very cuddly. 

Mikey- Commonly cuddles his towel/blanket, he just likes snuggling up to something or someone soft and warm. Will cuddle on instinct, just can't help but snuggle up to people he trusts, will then fall asleep on you.

Pah- Very cuddly, he's so warm to cuddle with too. He may not act like it but loves a good cuddle.

South- Definitely cuddles with those plushies he has, he finds comfort from cuddling. Happy to cuddle with someone he's close too, likely to talk or maybe even sing softly when cuddling too.

Angry- He also has a lot of plushies that he probably cuddles with. He just enjoys feeling close to someone.

Mitsuya- Definitely likes cuddling to show affection, must've cuddled with his sister's a lot growing up. He's also grown used to using cuddling as a way to calm someone down. Feeling stressed? A hug from Mitsuya can definitely help.

Shinichiro- Likes how loved and needed he feels when cuddling. Like Mikey he will demand hugs at random times. You're busy cooking? Nope not anymore, Shinichiro is hugging you now, cooking can wait. 

Chifuyu- Definitely enjoys the closeness and warmth from cuddling, used to cuddling with Peke J a lot. You could go to him at any time to ask for a hug and he'd happily drop everything.

Takemichi- He needs cuddles, cannot survive the day without a hug. They're his pick me up, he needs them for motivation.

Koko- Get's a bit flustered about it the first time or so but grows to be a big enjoyer of cuddles. Will seek you out for a cuddle and pout if you say no. He just wants to feel close to you and feel you in his arms.

Kazutora- Was definitely a bit nervous about hugging at first, the whole affection thing was a bit new to him and was nervous about doing it wrong. But once he gets comfortable then he loves cuddling, gets a bit clingy and will try to cuddle you as you go about with your day.

Rindou- Someone who craves cuddles but refuses to ask for them, instead he'll just get closer and closer to you until you're nearly holding each other anyway. 

Izana- Definitely thought cuddles were stupid at first, well until he started getting them. He likes the feeling of being safe and being able to hold you. Gets a little clingy though sometimes, doesn't wanna let you go.

Yuzuha- Enjoys cuddles especially if it involves either her playing with your hair or you playing with her hair. She truly treasures the quiet moments. 

Baji- Likes cuddles best when he's feeling tired, falling asleep while cuddling with you is the best, always gives him the best sleep and dreams.

Smiley- It's not umcommon for him to get embarrassed with cuddles but he still enjoys them. Really likes to cuddle while you two talk about your days together, like a little gossip and cuddle session. 

Kakucho- Another one who was a bit hesitant to start cuddling, he actually only started cuddling with you because you wanted it. Quickly realised he likes it too though, will ask for a cuddle when he wants it now. He loves the feeling of holding you, keeping you safe in his arms.

Shion- Thinks he's the best person at cuddling and will do it often to prove it! 

Ran- Will cuddle but as long as you don't mess his hair up or try to cuddle him when he's sleeping, doesn't wanna be woken up if already sleeping. Aside from that he's perfectly happy to cuddle, likes feeling needed by you.

Benkei- Loves cuddles but gets a bit nervous about them, was worried about hurting you accidentally the first few times so used to hug you very lightly until he got more used to it.

Kisaki- He enjoys cuddling, likes the attention and affection from it but his more logical side argues that it's a waste of time. Normally because of this he needs to be coaxed into cuddles, will happily cuddle after though.

Peh- Definitely gets a bit nervous with cuddling, is happy to do so though. 

Senju- Can get a bit overexcited when it comes to cuddling sometimes, will squeeze you a lot and happily chat about her day. 

Draken- Finds cuddling to be comforting, nothing he loves more after a long day of work then having some cuddles with you.

Wakasa- Likes cudding enough but not all the time. Finds it relaxing you to cuddle with you, a good way to relax.

Hakkai- May die if his partner is a girl and hugs him at the start of the relationship. He just gets so flustered by it! Does enjoy it though, just needs to take it slow.

Hanma- Likes cuddling to see your reactions, wants to see you relaxed or flustered or anything really. Seeing you like that is his favourite thing, likes holding you too and being held.

Mochi- likes cuddles enough but rarely asks for them, usually he prefers play fighting but is likes to relax and just cuddle sometimes too.

Inui- finds it relaxing to listen to your heartbeat and breathing, it's his favourite thing about cuddling. 

Taiju- will cuddle if asked, sometimes initiates too but prefers other ways of relaxing with you. Mainly initiates when he wants reassurance from you or when he's had a difficult day.

Naoto- is usually a bit too busy for cuddles, he can get very wrapped up in his work. Also needs you to coax him into cuddles but will oblige when asked. Enjoys cuddles but sometimes forgets to slow down and just enjoy them with you.

Mucho- he actually does enjoy cuddling more then people would assume. He likes the closeness and downtime with you.

Sanzu- Cuddling with him is going to be very different depending on what timeline we're in. If you're close enough to him then he does enjoy it though, having someone he can be a bit vulnerable with. 

[a-small-batch-of-dragons]

A Much-Needed Hiatus

Hi hi! I really liked “Out of Commission” and was wondering if you’d consider writing another chapter for it! In my head it’d be very angsty at the beginning as the others have to come to terms with how their actions affect Roman (especially since Virgil and Patton don’t know yet) but ends with a fluffy cuddle pile and a promise of things getting better. Anyways, love your work and I hope you’re well! – anon

Read on Ao3 Part 1 Part 2

Warnings: self-doubt, self-esteem issues

Pairings: dlampr, can be platonic or romantic you decide

Word Count: 3704

Roman wakes up with a hand in his hair and his head pillowed in someone's lap. There's a soft voice murmuring to another soft voice and something quietly humming a few feet away. He mumbles something that's supposed to be a question and the hand stills, before moving to cup his cheek.

"Darling," he hears floating through the quiet haze, "darling, are you awake?"

Yes, he wants to mumble, but then there's another hand on his knee, toying very lightly with the seam of his pants, whispering how it's better to let him sleep, he must be so tired, and he suddenly feels a rush of fear at what being awake would mean.

If he's awake, the lap he's resting on might decide not to let him rest there anymore. If he's awake, the gentle hand on his cheek might decide to leave. If he's awake, he'll have to actually be a person and confront what the hell is going on and that—that might be the worst thing he's had to do in a long time.

Memories float back to him piece by piece. Of the meeting, of his hands aching and wanting to cut them off at the wrists, of afterwards and Logan finding him and everyone coming and being so, so, so scared and not being able to do anything other than lie there and cry, which wouldn't be good for him in any world because Logan already thinks that he's weak and pathetic and bad at being professional or at least good enough for the videos, and then having the most wonderful dream of coming back to awareness with Logan's voice all soft and sweet in his ears, with Janus sitting there too and telling him it's going to be alright, that everything would be alright, and—and—

"I think he's having a nightmare," comes the murmur of Janus's voice now, "shh, sweetie, it's okay, you're safe."

A quiet noise of concern that he only belatedly recognizes as Logan's as the hand on his cheek smooths down to cup his jaw, tilting his head to rest against his hip. "Don't fret, darling. Everything's alright."

"Is it—is it better to wake him up?"

"I'm not sure. I've never…I've never known of Roman's nightmares." Is he imagining it, or is there some genuine remorse in Logan's words? "I've half a mind to summon Remus just to ask, but…"

"I think he's still busy with Patton and Virgil." Janus's fingers smooth over his knee again. "Hush, sweetie, shh-shh-shh…nothing's so bad."

His chest is beginning to ache again. If he—if he wakes up now, what will happen? If he calls an end to this—will they leave him? Will he lose this? He can't remember the last time someone held him like this, showed him this much concern, will he…what will become of him if he lets himself ruin this?

"Roman? Roman, darling, can you hear me?"

Fuck. How is he supposed to ignore Logan when he sounds this plaintive?

"Open your eyes," Logan's coaxing now, fingertips tracing small circles near his temples, "please, little one, you're safe, take a look and see, come now."

He doesn't want to. He doesn't want to—what happens when he has to watch Logan's face slip back towards that cool neutrality? What happens when those warm hands leave him and he's left all cold and alone again? What happens when he has to keep moving even though all he wants to do is stay here, forever, in the quiet and the warmth and never, ever know what it means like to hurt again?

"Please, little one. Please, just—just open your eyes."

Roman is, at his core, a people-pleaser, and his eyes are opening before he registers what's happening. He's immediately greeted with a frowning Logan, a furrow between his brows and a tightness in his mouth that splits into a slow smile when he lets out a confused noise. Behind him, he sees Janus, lying down with Roman's legs outstretched over his lower chest, fingers still stroking absentminded patterns on his knee.

"There you are," Logan murmurs, drawing his attention back, "were you having a nightmare?"

"N-no."

"No? That's—well, that's a relief, to be sure, but then why—" he sighs— "I only mean to say you looked quite terrified, my darling. Did something scare you?"

This. This right now is scaring him. Because Logan doesn't talk to him like this. Logan doesn't look at him softly and touch him gently and worry about him being scared. Logan rolls his eyes and scoffs when Roman tries to bring up something that concerns him. Logan dismisses him and tells him he's being stupid. Logan—Logan—Logan doesn't do this, he doesn't do soft and gentle words and sweet murmurs and he's—at some point, he's going to remember that too.

"Sweetie," and no, Janus is sitting up and putting his hand more firmly on his knee— "sweetie, breathe."

Breathe? Why breathe? Roman's fine, he's breathing, his chest is doing the normal thing where it snaps around like a rubber band and his body feels like it's on fire and his hands are—oh.

"Look at me," Logan says sharply and Roman's eyes dart to him, "that's it, Roman. Focus on me. You are safe. I am not going to hurt you. Janus is not going to hurt you. If you need to be afraid, that's alright, but you do not have to be."

No. No, no, no, he can't panic around Logan, Virgil will get summoned and then everyone will come—and then—and then—

Of course, part of his brain thrills at the delicious irony of panicking over the need not to panic. The rest of him is building the storm in his chest higher and higher and higher until everything is interrupted by something terribly soft pressing against his cheek.

"Shh," Logan whispers, breath brushing delicately over his ear, "shh, little one, you're alright. You're okay. Everything is okay."

"I think you broke him," he hears Janus murmur with nothing but gentle affection, "oh, sweetie…you're still so scared, aren't you? What's terrifying you so?"

"Yes, now is a good time to ask him," Logan says wryly, "while he's still coming out of having a panic attack."

Still, when there's a gentle hand on the underside of his neck coaxing him upwards so he can sniffle into a tissue, Janus's hands are running soothingly up and down his legs like he's trying to calm a skittish horse and Logan doesn't even let him apologize for being a mess. Instead, he's shushed with another kiss to his cheek—and when the hell did that start happening regularly?—and coaxed into leaning against Logan's shoulder. Only then does he realize they're in Janus's room, curled up against the headboard with one of the thick comforters laid over them.

"Wait—how'd—I thought—weren't we in my room?"

"We were," Logan says softly, "and then you started to get cold and we couldn't get you warm, so we moved you in here."

"I was cold?"

"Yes, little one. I intended to ask you about it when you woke up, but it seems there are other things that take precedence right now. First and foremost: are you alright?"

"I'm—I'm not sure." He tries to move his hands and winces, only for Janus to take each between two of his own and begin to massage his palms. "It's—it hurts still."

"Does this hurt?"

"N-not really." Janus brushes his lips against each set of knuckles with a soft smile. "What's—how long has it been since the m-meeting?"

"A few hours. You've been drifting in and out for a while. I'm not sure how much of that you remember."

"What's the last thing you remember, sweetie?"

"B-being on the couch. You—did you pick me up?"

"Yes," Logan chuckles, "yes, I did. You look so surprised, darling, what's the matter?"

"Logan," Janus scolds when Roman's only able to splutter, "you're being mean to our poor prince. How do you expect him to answer when he's all flustered like that?"

"I don't know what it is I'm doing that's making him blush so hard."

"You're making him admit that your strength flusters him, what about that isn't blush inducing? Oh, I know, sweetie, now I'm doing it too," he murmurs, giving his hands a squeeze, "shh, shh, let's all…let's all just take a moment, okay?"

"What's going on," he whines, before he can remember that behaving anything less than perfectly in front of these two is a bad idea, "I don't—I don't understand what's happening!"

"You're here, in Janus's room, sitting on my lap with your legs in Janus's," Logan says immediately in that low, soothing voice that makes Roman want to cry all over again, "you've just come off of a panic attack in the wake of…quite a severe attack from a meeting. I am—that is, we are currently attempting to offer you comfort. I'm growing less certain that we are performing adequately in service of that goal, and as such, I'm going to switch tactics."

Before he can ask what that means, Logan's hand cups the back of his head and pulls him in close. Lips brush his forehead and his breath warms the side of his face.

"Hello, little one," Logan whispers, "it's good to see you awake. Are you still in pain?"

"Y-yeah, a little."

"Is there anything we can do?"

"Not really."

"Alright. I am more than happy to stay with you until you feel better, if that's alright with you?"

"W-why?" No sooner has he asked does the panic spike in his chest but Logan's hand cards through the hair at the base of his skull and he hates how much it settles him instantly. "S-sorry."

"You don't need to apologize, darling, it's all okay. I've recently learned that I've played a big role in making you feel unsafe, and I'm…hoping to rectify that."

"As am I." He'd almost forgotten Janus was still here. He looks over to see his concerned expression, hands still wrapped around his. "You've been alone for a long time, sweetie, and I'm sorry that I've played a part in making you feel like you had to be."

There's a lump in his throat that won't go away. There's a pit in his stomach that's growing wider and wider and wider. There's a voice in his chest whispering nothing lasts forever.

"Talk to me," Logan murmurs when he's quiet for a little too long, "what's going on?"

"I don't understand."

"Understand what, little one?"

"You…you were…you both—I—I'm—"

No, bad, shut up, wrong, be passive.

"That is more than enough out of you," Janus growls. Roman flinches and Logan opens his mouth to scold him only for Janus to reach out and pluck something invisible from the air in front of his chest. He draws it back, a scintillating, glistening line following the movement until he balls it up and flicks it into nothingness. "I've little patience for such lies in my room."

His expression softens when he notices the way Roman's staring at him.

"What is it, sweetie?"

"Y-you—how did you do that?"

"They're lies, sweetie, that's all it is. You don't need to be quiet, you're not wrong, and you definitely don't need to listen to that poisonous little monster masquerading as the voice of reason."

"No, it's not."

"What do you mean?"

"It's not a lie. It's—I have to. Because if I'm not, then you all yell at me or tell me I'm an idiot and then everything's worse," he mutters, "and my hands stop working and then I can't do anything and everything's cold—"

"Shh," Logan murmurs, adjusting the blanket almost unconsciously, "easy, my darling."

"—and it's your fault," he spits, "and I can't—you know what it does to me, you do, because you do it on purpose and I can't stop it and that's not my fault!"

He's panting by the end of it. Logan and Janus don't say a word for a long moment. Then, Logan lets out a breath that shudders across his temple and he leans down to press their foreheads together.

"You're right," he says quietly, "of course you're right, Roman. You're not to blame for something you can't control."

"Why do you hurt me? What did I do so wrong that you decided you'd just hurt me for it?"

"Because you were good at it." Both of them turn to look at Janus, who winces but doesn't take it back. "You were good at getting hurt, Roman. You would—you wouldn't snap back, you wouldn't let it show, you would…you would just take it. And that doesn't make it right—it makes it worse, I know, but that's…that's why it was easier. To hurt you."

It stings. No, it doesn't, it aches. It reaches deep into his chest and finds that part of him he tries so hard to keep buried beneath every single part of his fake princely persona. It hurts because it means that they knew at some level how much this was doing to him, and they didn't care because it was easy. Even if Janus knew more than Logan did, Logan's been really quiet ever since Janus started talking and he's—he's still not denying it, which means Logan knew enough too—

"I didn't know how badly you were hurting," Logan says, "I knew—I knew it made you upset. But I swear to you, Roman, I didn't know how bad it was."

"J-Janus?"

"He's not lying, sweetie. I'm…I will take the lion's share of the blame for using what I knew against you, but—" and here his voice grows firm once more— "I will not be held responsible for making it so you were so unaccustomed to any sort of positive attention that you leapt at the first person who offered it to you."

Logan flinches as though he's been struck. "No, that…that fault I believe lies more completely with me."

"I thought you hated me."

"I don't hate you, little one," Logan promises. "I thought—there is no point in attempting to justify myself now. I don't hate you. You don't deserve to be hurt just because I'm too careless or inconsiderate. It's not your fault."

"Why now," Roman says, making a fist but unable to do anything more than that, "why are you being like this now?"

"Because now I've seen how awful it is for you and I never want to play a part in making things get so bad for you ever again." The conviction in his voice makes Roman shudder from the rush of warmth. "I've gone far too long being nothing but your tormentor, if Remus and Janus are to be believed, and I'm not interested in doing that any longer."

"O-oh."

"He's telling the truth," Janus whispers as tears slip like razor blades down his cheeks, "oh, sweetie…"

"Come here," Logan whispers, drawing him into a proper cuddle, "that's it, let me…let me hold you for a little while."

***

"I didn't know," Patton whispers, still staring into nothingness as Remus's absolute tirade comes to an end, "I didn't know."

"Oh, fuck," Virgil's still mumbling—and it says something, doesn't it, that Patton isn't calling him out on his language— "we—we fucked up so bad."

"You did," says Remus, remorseless, "and now you're going to fix it."

"How?" Patton stares up at him with wide eyes. "How do we—if we've messed things up this badly, how—how do we ever hope to fix it?"

Some part of Remus softens the barest amount when he hears the sheer hopelessness in Patton's voice. He sits on the floor, setting his Morningstar next to him, and steeples his fingers. "Roman, for better or for worse, cares an awful lot about you. That will make it easier for him to forgive you, but then you have to actually put in the work to be better."

Patton sniffles. Virgil puts a hand briefly on his shoulder before looking at Remus again. "We don't—how do we do that?"

"You of all people don't get to ask me that, Emo. You've already done your whole little redemption arc, haven't you? To fit in with the Light Sides?" He flinches slightly at how cold Remus sounds when he says that. "Surely you can find it in you to put a little more effort into treating Roman better."

"That's not what I—I know, I know, I'm gonna, I just—I don't know where to start."

Remus's expression darkens again. "Seriously? We just spent how long talking about how much you've fucked up Roman by making him feel unsafe and now you're telling me you don't know where to start?"

"I'm gonna apologize, obviously, but I mean—I don't—"

"We'll ask him," Patton says quickly when Virgil starts to tug at the strings of his hoodie, "when he's—if he's okay with it, we'll ask him what we can do."

"And if he says no?"

"W-well, at some point, maybe he'll be okay to—"

"And what're you gonna do until then, nothing?"

"N-no, we'll—" Patton swallows— "I'm gonna try and be better about making Roman know that he can—by making it clear that I wanna hear what he has to say and that it's worth hearing. I'm not—that's really where I messed up."

Remus nods and turns his glare to Virgil. Virgil shuffles. "I'm…I'm not gonna insult him so much and try and stick up for him when there are—when things get said that are unfair."

"See? You do have some idea of how much you've fucked up and how to fix it." Remus gets to his feet, dusting himself off. "Now, if anything like this ever happens again, I'm going to run an experiment with how much Kraken strength affects the resilience of a Side, are we clear?"

Both Virgil and Patton nod frantically as Remus sinks out, presumably to go and check on his brother. It takes a few more moments of tense silence for Patton to sniffle again and Virgil to lean against his side.

"I didn't know," he whimpers, holding a hand over his mouth, "I thought—I thought Roman was—"

"Stronger?" Virgil winces at how awful it sounds to say out loud. "I know. Me too, but I guess I didn't—I didn't really think about how fucked up that is."

Patton wipes a hand under his nose. "I really didn't know that Roman could get hurt by just what we said."

"I mean it makes a lot of sense now that Remus has said it, you know? He's the Ego. He gets bruised. He needs—he needs positive stuff way more than the rest of us do."

"I never thought of it that way."

"Neither did I."

"Are we—" he sniffles again— "are we ever gonna be okay again, Virgil? Like—are we ever gonna be able to do dinners and movie nights and everything? Or is it…"

The is it all gone goes unspoken but echoes about the room anyway.

"I don't know," is what Virgil eventually settles on, "I just don't know, Pat. I think…I think that's not up to us right now. I think we gotta let Roman set the pace on how things go for a little while."

"I can do that."

"And that means if he doesn't wanna talk to anyone except Remus for a long time, then…then we just gotta deal with that."

"I know," even as he says it like he's just been told his favorite show is being canceled, "that's fair."

"And if he decides that it…" and here Virgil has to take a deep, steadying breath, "…if he decides that he doesn't want things to be better, if he decides that it's not—that it's not ever gonna be better…"

"Then we'll have to deal with that too."

More silence. The fridge buzzes. Someone outside honks their horn and drives off.

"Do you think this is how Roman feels," Virgil asks eventually, "when he's…upset?"

Patton takes a long time to reply. When he does, it's with the slow and solemn voice of someone who has just learned that everything they thought they knew was a terrible, horrible lie.

"I don't think I've known how Roman feels for quite a while now."

***

They don't make any videos for a while.

They don't have meetings. They don't really eat dinner together. There are no movie nights.

Roman stays in his room, or in the Imagination. Remus is with him more often than not. Occasionally, he'll allow Janus to come with, but he never stays for long and he never says anything about what's happening when the others ask him. Even Logan, who notoriously chases down every clue or lead he can find, stays resolutely quiet about what goes on without him.

It's a sobering reality, life without a prince.

***

Roman curls up on the couch with his head in Remus's lap. They're watching something about penguins. Patton sits on the floor near his arm, playing with his hand in his lap. Virgil perches on the back of the couch, his feet tucked securely under Roman's side. At the other end of the couch, Janus has his feet in his lap, one hand wrapped around his ankle. Logan sits on Remus's other side, his hand tangled in Roman's hair.

It's an occasion that's quite far off, still, but it is coming. Slowly, but surely, as they work towards it. Past the somewhat awkward dinners, past the difficult conversations, past the sleepless nights where all Roman wants to do is stay there forever, because it's less scary that what awaits him in the morning. It's a long and hard road, but they're all walking it together, moving steadily towards this moment here, in front of the TV, cuddled together around their prince.

Nothing lasts forever, not even the worst of times, and more good times are always around the corner.

General Taglist: @frxgprince@potereregina@gattonero17@iamhereforthegayshit@thefingergunsgirl@awkwardandanxiousfander@creative-lampd-liberties@djpurple3@winterswrandomness@sanders-sides-uncorrect-quotes@iminyourfandom@bullet-tothefeels@full-of-roman-angst-trash  @ask-elsalvador @ramdomthingsfrommymind@demoniccheese83@pattonsandershugs @el-does-photography @princeanxious@firefinch-ember@fandomssaremysoul@im-an-anxious-wreck@crazy-multifandomfangirl @punk-academian-witch@enby-ralsei@unicornssunflowersandstuff@wildhorsewolf @thetruthaboutthesun @stubbornness-and-spite @princedarkandstormv  @your-local-fookin-deadmeme @angels-and-dreams@averykedavra @a-ghostlight-for-roman @treasurechestininterweb @cricketanne @queerly-fluid-fan @compactdiscdraws@cecil-but-gayer@i-am-overly-complicated@annytheseal@alias290@tranquil-space-ninja @arxticandy @mychemically-imbalanced-romance@whyiask@crows-ace @emilythezeldafan@frida0043 @ieatspinalcords @snowyfires@cyanide-violence@oonagh2@xxpanic-at-the-everywherexx@rabbitsartcorner @percy-07734@triflingassailantofmyemotions @virgil-sanders-the-gay-emo@cerulean-watermelon@puffed-up-bees@meltheromanstan@joyrose-fandomer@insanitori@mavenmush@justablah65@10paradox10@uhhh-hi-there-i-am-nervous@cutebisexualmess@bella-bugatti-frogetti-baguetti@ultrageekygirl@raven1508

[yellowkitkieran]

To Have and to Heal (Part 15)

Masterlist

Read part 1 here

Word Count: 3.1k

Summary: Single working dad Martin Odegaard is navigating the ups and downs of parenthood all on his own, and he’s struggling. That’s not to mention football, life and... love?

Could we talk? 

When your message appears on his phone, Martin doesn't believe his eyes. At first he assumes he is dreaming; a quick pinch to his forearm and the subsequent brief burst of pain confirms he is, indeed, awake. He laughs to himself then, a giddy, overjoyed sound as he reads the message from you again and again, enough times that the words are burned into his eyelids when he closes them. 

Rearranging his schedule to pick up Atla today had been worth it. Incurring Arteta's wrath for sneaking out early? Also very, very worth the reward. Even if nothing comes of it, even if you don't have the courage or wherewithal to send him a follow up response, Martin can live with that, as long as he has some closure. 

His fingers shake as he types out a casual, cool, collected response. Of course! Now? Tomorrow? When are you thinking? 

Nailed it, honestly. Not overly eager. Simple and to the point. Leaves nothing up to interpretation. Martin is still sweating bullets regardless. 

For a few minutes, Martin simply stares at his phone until his eyes water and he is forced to blink some moisture into them. He tries not to fret when you don't immediately reply. It's late; there is a good chance you're either sleeping or prepping for your classes tomorrow. Despite his racing heart, sweating palms and pacing feet, Martin somehow convinces himself that he is perfectly calm. He's definitely not freaking out. Nope. He's fine. Toooootally fine. 

Though that fragile construct comes crashing down when Martin's phone vibrates. Whenever you have an hour or so free? After school of course. I can come to you?

Absolutely. Friday? I'll be done at six. But I'll come to you though. 

Martin immediately arranges for Kieran to take Atla overnight as a precaution. Who knows what might happen? Martin doesn't want to get his hopes up, but regardless of how things go, he knows he will be a volatile bucket of emotions and he'll need some time to process. He would rather do that on his own than have his daughter around to witness it. Good or bad, Friday will be… interesting, to say the least. 

Friday at six thirty then. That works. I'll see you then 

The expectation of hearing from you again is dashed when twenty four hours pass with nothing new. Martin's phone is far from quiet thanks to the Arsenal group chat, which thankfully keeps him busy and occupied on his day off whilst Atla is at school. Martin even arranges to pick Atla up himself, though he's disappointed to find another teacher in charge of after school care instead of you. 

Tomorrow, he tells himself. Tomorrow is my second chance. 

And Martin is completely, utterly, wholly determined to grab the opportunity with both hands and run with it. He refuses to squander his relationship with you a second time. He will say all the right things, fall over himself to make all the right promises, and follow through with each one of them. Because if Martin is being honest with himself, the last time he felt about someone like this… He married them. 

On his way into Colney the next morning, Martin passes by Atla’s favorite bookshop. It is a quaint, family owned place located on a busy corner in north London. He glances at their window displays when he is stopped at the light, as he often does. 

And Martin does a double take- the sign in the window promotes a new romance book, titled ‘Second Chances Only Come Once’, written by the author of the hit book ‘She’s the One’. 

The grin plastered on Martin’s face is indicative enough. If he had been waiting for a sign, that would be it. The sky over London is a bright, vibrant orange, streaked through with rich reds and subtle yellows. The sunrise is the exact shade of Maria’s favorite paint- Windsor Orange, a color she claimed felt like home. Each Christmas Martin would buy her a year’s supply to ensure she didn’t run out. 

“Thank you,” Martin murmurs to the sky. A light breeze ruffles his hair through the open car window, and the smile does not leave Martin’s face for the entire drive.

Kieran doesn't ask questions at training that morning- he's simply excited to spend some quality time with his goddaughter. Kieran does not question Martin’s good mood, not even when Martin convinces Arteta to go easy on the team and skip the half dozen extra drills he had scheduled and opt for an extra gym session instead. 

Martin pays very little attention whilst Kieran rattles off a long list of things he's planned to entertain Atla, including a trip to Harrods to spoil her rotten. Normally that sort of thing would irk Martin, but today the thought barely registers. 

“Uh huh, sounds great,” Martin murmurs noncommittally, “Perfect. Atla will love it.” 

“Mate, you've not heard a word I've said. You're fine with me taking her on a shopping spree? You normally yell at me for that! What happened to ‘she's got enough toys,’ eh?” Kieran makes air quotes there, referring to the dozens of times Martin has argued that point. That, at least, causes Martin to pause. 

“What? Oh- I mean sure if that's what you want to do with her I won't stop you, she'll enjoy it. Really she will-”

Kieran sets his weight down and rests his elbows on his knees. Everyone always says that blue eyes are unnerving, but Martin knows the truth- it's the unflinching, hard brown eyes that really do you in. Martin clears his throat, squirming under the pressure of Kieran's stare. “Tell me.” 

“Tell you what? There's nothing to tell.” Martin scarcely believes himself as unconvincing as his words are. Kieran simply blinks, which somehow is even more unnerving than the original stare. Martin sighs, knowing his friend will not let up until he uncovers the truth. “Alright fine- I'm talking to solskin tonight. It's not a big deal!” 

Kieran, knowing better than to pry, simply nods firmly. “Good. Maybe you'll quit moping around the grounds then. Honestly it's getting tiring, carrying this entire team on my shoulders. I cannae do it all on my own, you know.”

Martin cracks a grin, “I know mate. Hopefully after tomorrow I can take some of that pressure off you.” 

*********

Martin, Martin, Martin. For nearly forty eight full hours, the Norwegian midfielder fills every corner of your brain. You're barely able to make it through your lessons, as distracted as you are by the thought of seeing him again. In a private setting. Alone. At your house. 

Why did you agree to this again?

Friday evening, you frantically clean your already clean flat. You agonize over whether or not to leave the blanket slung over the sofa- is it too suggestive? Or is it just cosy? You wind up leaving it. You are fully aware that you are overthinking. That doesn’t stop you from rearranging the shoes in the entry three times until you’re positive they are just the right amount of messy. 

Deciding on an outfit is nearly as chaotic- with Jen's help you settle on comfort over chic, opting for your favorite pair of jeans and a loose, warm sweater. Your hair you leave in your usual style, not putting too much effort in. This is not a date, as you have to continually remind yourself. It is simply a chat, nothing more. 

Waiting is the hardest part. You sit on your sofa with a random show on for background noise, something about the history of the crown jewels. Should you have cooked? Six thirty is dinner time, ish- maybe he's expecting a meal? Oh god-

The doorbell interrupts your thoughts and you spring into action. You wipe your palms on your jeans before opening the front door, pasting a smile on your face that you pray appears genuine. Your eyes start at his feet- black and white Nike dunks, light wash jeans, and a black bomber style jacket- and end on his soft, angelic face. You quickly meet his eyes, lasting all of one second under the gentle scrutiny of his baby blues before heat floods your cheeks and you are forced to look away.

“Hey- hi Mr. Ødegaard, please come in.” 

Martin's hands slide into his pockets, thumbs hooked into his belt loops. “I'm not coming in until you drop the formality, solskin.” 

You swear your very soul responds to the nickname. It glides so easily off his tongue, as though no time has passed despite the cold shoulder you have given him. With one sentence, Martin crosses the chasm between the pair of you without a second thought, throwing you a lifeline to cling to whilst you try to wade through the sea of emotions that threatens to overwhelm your good sense. 

“Okay,” you murmur, “Okay. Please come in, Martin.” 

“Mar,” he corrects softly, tipping his head to meet your downcast eyes. “Please call me Mar.”

Only when you nod in agreement does he finally relent and enter. He bends to untie his shoes and hangs his jacket on the hook behind the door. There is a familiarity in his actions, like he has done this a hundred times instead of being able to count the number of occurrences on one hand. 

“Um, please have a seat,” you say around the bile creeping up your throat. You haven't been this nervous since your first day teaching. It feels as if one wrong move will leech away the confidence you've spent ages rebuilding; brick by brick you've had to remind yourself that you deserve this. One step at a time. 

“Thank you.” Martin makes himself comfortable on the sofa, one arm slung over the back. It strikes you then how well he fits in. Despite his undoubtedly expensive clothes, he does not seem out of place in a room filled with mostly second hand things. The cream of his shirt perfectly matches the blanket you worried over earlier. If you didn't know any better, you'd assume they were cut from the same cloth. 

You clear your throat and carefully perch on the opposite side. You smooth the wrinkles from your sweater, suddenly self conscious of your appearance. Shit, you forgot to offer him a drink! 

“Would you uh- would you like a drink? There's water, soda, uh… milk I think?” 

Martin's smile is like a physical caress, calming your nerves. Whether he realizes it or not is uncertain, “I'm alright for now, thank you solskin. You wanted to talk?”

How is he so calm right now? How are you not calm? You're the one that asked for this. You prepared, didn't you? Spent hours on the phone with Jess last night, coming up with bullet points of what needed to be said. How have you suddenly forgotten it all?

“Solskin,” Martin prompts softly. “Hey? I'm perfectly okay sitting in silence but if you have something to say, I want to make sure you're heard.”

“Stop- just stop being so charming for two minutes,” you mumble. You press two fingers to your temples and try to get your ducks in a row. You requested to speak with Martin, yes. You wanted to discuss the potential of moving forward. You wanted to tell him you still care about him. Okay. Okay. Basics first. 

You take a deep breath and straighten your spine. Cheating your body towards Martin's you begin, “I still care about you a lot. More than I should considering you're the parent of one of my students- don't do that,” you scold when Martin tips his head side to side. Martin grins, forcing you to fight to keep your mental train on the right track. “As I was saying, you're the parent to one of my students and I shouldn't even have asked to speak with you. I should've taken what happened as a sign from the universe, an easy way out but I just…”

“Can't let it end, yeah.” Martin finishes the thought on your behalf. You nod, grateful that he was able to voice it when you couldn't. 

“Right. But I also know that your daughter has to come first, and I don't want to suggest otherwise. Atla loves you and you're all she has, I know she looks up to her papa. I know she doesn't want to see you with anyone other than her mum, and maybe she's just too young to understand, which means this was all just a waste of time and ishouldn'thaveinvitedyouanyway-”

Your words rush out in one long heap, piling over each other and overlapping at the ends. Tears prick your eyes and suddenly you feel so incredibly stupid for thinking this could work in any capacity. Martin reaches for your hand but you pull it away, unable to bear the thought of him touching you, knowing you'll only crumble. 

“I want this to work Mar, I really do. But I can't ask you to choose between me and your family, it's not right. I don't want to sneak around either,” you add in haste when Martin opens his mouth. “I won't be the reason your daughter hates you. I won't tear apart your home. I just won't. I wouldn't be able to live with myself.”

Once he's positive you're finished, Martin cautiously scoots closer to you. He watches for any sign that you'll flee, and when you don't move a muscle he wraps an arm around your shoulders and pulls you to his chest. This time you allow it, because you know you'll never have this luxury again. 

Martin's hand runs over your arm whilst he silently soothes you. Your nose is buried in his shoulder, his cologne imprinting itself in your memory. It baffles you how such a simple thing can bring you so much comfort. But slowly, like molasses dripping from a spile, you feel the coils of tension stored in your muscles unknot themselves. Slowly, you feel yourself winding down, your breath coming in even intervals instead of panicked gasps. Your hands, which had fisted themselves tight in the cotton of his shirt, unfurl to rest flat on his chest. 

“That speech was quite noble solskin, but I think you've forgotten something.”

You sniffle, determined not to cry despite the battle raging within yourself. “What did I forget Mar?” 

“That you're part of my home now,” Martin says into your hair. “If you're determined not to let anything ruin my home, you need to include yourself in that.” 

Martin is terrible at articulating how he feels. You've grown used to it; you may not have dated for long but it only took a handful of dates to realize that his trauma ran deep, and that he played his cards close to his chest. So that display of warmth, of what he truly feels inside, is rarer than a diamond. You want to nestle it against your heart and keep it protected behind your ribcage. It is worth more than any precious gem. 

Without thinking, you reach up and cradle Martin's jaw. You smile sadly when he presses his cheek into your hand, your thumb soothing a line under his eye. He's so beautiful- tender and raw and open. Vulnerable. A side you never expected him to share with you. 

“I don't want you to put me before Atla,” you say softly, mindful of how fragile he is beneath your fingertips. You have to be gentle; if you're not he may never trust anyone again. 

Martin covers your hand, fingers tight around yours. “And I don't want that either. I want you both on the same level. I-” Martin stops himself, his throat bobbing under the weight of words left unsaid. “I care about you so, so much. I just want you in my life. That’s all I want.”

“Then Alta needs to understand that I'm not replacing her mum. She needs to understand that before we even think about doing anything, Mar. You can't risk hurting the relationship you have with your daughter.”

“I know. I will. I'll get it all sorted and then it'll be fine- we can try again. Right?”

You nod then, your smile brighter this time. “Once she knows all that, we can try again.”

Martin's eyes flick to your mouth and you know you've both had the same thought. You want to kiss him, to climb into his lap and melt like chocolate on his tongue. You want to pull at his stupid chicken hair until he moans into your mouth, his sounds of delight so sickeningly sweet that your stomach will ache for days afterwards. 

But you can't kiss him. So you don't. At least you have that much control. Instead you let Martin trace your parted lips with a reverence that makes your skin tingle. He moves on to your jaw, your cheeks, your nose, your brow- as if he were a blind man putting a face to a woman who until now has been no more than a voice to him. 

“I have so much to say,” Martin says finally, “and there's not enough time to say any of it.” 

“One day soon, you'll have plenty of time to tell me anything you want.” You allow yourself the luxury of his embrace, your arms winding around his solid middle whilst his fit firmly around your shoulders. 

If you're lucky, this could be your reality. You could come home to Martin, or rather he could come home to you, and have his busy days be endcapped by love and devotion. You've always said you would never consider being a housewife, that you respect yourself far too much to allow yourself to be reduced to a servant to your significant other. But for Martin? You want him to eat a home cooked meal every night. You want to massage his shoulders when he makes an off-hand comment about being sore from training too hard. You want to put Atla to bed and then draw a warm bath for you and Martin to share. 

You want to give Martin the world because he deserves it. You would wait on him hand and foot because you know with absolute certainty that he would do the exact same thing whenever he was afforded the chance. And that sort of fairytale is exactly what you've always wanted in life. You aren't about to let it slip through your fingers.