#dreadful reminders

[gretavanbrie]

Dreadful Reminders (J.T.K)

Summary: The brewing tension in your relationship seems to be pulling your love at the seams. What will happen when what is supposed to be happy news, only tears you apart further. Is one mindless phone call the end of it all?

Pairings: Jake Kiszka x f!reader

Warnings: ANGST, angst, andddd more angst, established relationship, asshole jake :(, Jake being mean, I can’t say much without spoiling but talks of pregnancy, swearing, doors slamming, feelings of being unwanted, hurt feelings, alcohol consumption… if I missed anything lmk!!

A/N: This idea has been circling my brain for weeks and I’ve finally decided to act on it, so here it is!! If you guys like this enough ill upload part 2, I’ve already got that one going and smut will be included ;))

It started off as hums of yes’s and no’s, dismissing waves out the door instead of proper goodbyes. The kisses no longer cherished, instead rushed. Love with Jake was once full of passion and eagerness, stolen glances from across the room much alike youthful school crushes. The lingering touches, the spontaneous arrival of perfectly bloomed floral arrangements just to say “thought of you”.

Handwritten notes every morning you awoke together almost as though they were incantations, spiraling more and more in love with each letter scribbled across dingy post-it notes. 5 and 1/2 years of irrevocable love, now slowly tearing at the seams like over-worn clothing. The innocence of it all was what preserved the love. What you failed to realize was growing up stripped that completely.

The day you found out was bittersweet. Jake left for a meeting with the boys shortly after your heated argument over god knows what, it seems as though any minor inconvenience is means for harshness and disagreements at this point. Your shaky hands hastily pick up the test after waiting for what seemed like hours.

Pregnant.

You covered your mouth not only in awe but in fear. You frantically searched for a second test in the box to solidify this outcome before sharing the news with anyone. You picked at your fingernails as you waited, a nervous habit you couldn’t seem to shake.

Is Jake even ready for this?

Did I just ruin his life?

How could we be so stupid, we’re so young.

The seemingly deafening sound of the timer shook you out of your now swarming thoughts. You hurriedly picked up the second test only to be met with the same prognosis as before. It’s not that you didn’t want the baby. Of course you both have talked about kids in the future but with how things have been between the two of you, you were sure an end to your most cherished love was nearing.

You’ve wanted a family with Jake, just not now. He is doing so well in his career, the band is skyrocketing. You almost feel selfish for wanting this. Would this set him back? You’ve both been so wrapped up in your own lives these past few weeks, him with the band and you overloading yourself with work. Things have been rocky. You feel as though you’ve become a burden to the person you love and cherish most.

No more late night whispers and giggles shared under the covers, the longing gentle touches underneath the twilight seemed to cease. Coffee together in the morning, a once cherished act of quality time.. now a mere chore. What was once intimate and passionate sex, now rushed solely to let his frustrations out. Only to be met with the saddening view of his back turned away as though you’ve become an eyesore, not worthy of being touched for longer than need be. The love that once flowed through your shared house, now stagnant. The tension almost suffocating. This is a whole new level you’re ready to take on, but is he?

You paced the bedroom wracking your brain on how to tell him for the next half hour before you hear the sound of the door slamming shut and the heavy patter of boots walking along the hardwood floors. Your heart thumps in anticipation like the mockery of a drum. The bedroom door swings open and a frustrated Jake appears throwing his keys off to the armchair.

Without making eye contact he walks past merely whispering “hey babe, bad day.” before shutting the door to the bathroom. Before you can be upset about his short greeting, your eyes widen in shock as you realize you never took the tests off the sink. Just as you were about to interfere your met with a puzzled Jake standing before you, the two tests clutched in his grasp. You two lock eyes and you swear he can hear your heartbeat from the adrenaline coursing through your veins.

“Anything you wanna tell me?”

He looks at you sternly. You almost feel like a child being scolded.

“I found out just before you got here I was trying to figure out how to tell you” You reply shakily, nervous to hear his response. You look down in shame and continue.

“I know things have been tough between us and we haven’t talked about it and that’s okay, if you’re stressed out about work stuff with the band I completely understand but I’m just as scared as you might be. We can work through this, I know we can. We’ve talked about kids before i think the plans are just a bit rushed, that’s all��� you say hopefully with a shy smile.

Jake doesn’t say anything, just stares at you and then slowly brings his gaze to the two white sticks in his hands. He feels his heart thumping, a man usually well spoken now not finding the right words to say.

He opens his mouth to say something then swiftly shuts it again before clenching his jaw. The suspense killing you, you speak up.

“My Jake… please say something” your voice almost failing you as tears well in your eyes.

Oh god, he’s gonna leave you. You think to yourself. Just as your thoughts are about to spiral out of control he breaks the silence.

“I know I’ve been distant and i want to apologize it’s not right. There’s just been… things…weighing on me, I didn’t know how to navigate them and I shut you out. I’m sorry my love. And I’m sorry again for being so unsupportive right now it’s been a stressful day” he calmly says.

“C’mere” he whispers as he pulls you in his embrace “everything is gonna be okay” he says, stroking your hair almost as though he’s trying to convince himself.

➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖

The next few days seemed a little better Jake seemed to be genuinely trying and you were nothing short of appreciative. This was all you wanted, your Jake to be back.

The two of you are still planning on how to reveal the news to everybody. Today in particular seemed off. You arose to the sun seeping into the windows, curtains blowing as you mistakenly left the window open the night before. You’re expecting to be met with the warmth of Jake’s sleeping body lying next to yours. Instead nothing but a cold pillow and his barely-there scent.

No goodbye kiss? That’s weird.

Fully awake now, you peer over to your side to check your phone for any texts from him and see a note lying there.

“Got called into a last minute group meeting, see you soon.”

All my love,

Jake.”

Prying the covers off you, you feel an overwhelming sense of nausea. Not able to suppress it you run into the bathroom and alleviate the brewing sickness. You pick yourself up from in front of the now tainted porcelain, you start the shower and begin brushing your teeth. You fix up for the day, changing into a baggy crew neck sweatshirt of Jakes and some leggings. You head downstairs and finish up some mundane tasks that need to be tackled around the house.

Feeling proud of what you’ve accomplished so far with this first trimester nausea, you decide to surprise Jake with one of his favorite recipes of yours. Although it may not have the same comfort as Karen’s cooking, you hope this alleviates him of some stress anyway.

Sliding on some shoes , grabbing your purse and keys you make your way out to round up some last minute ingredients. You make your laps around the store collecting your items for supper. On your way home you hear a buzzing sounding from inside your bag. You pick up the device and see Joshua in big letters across the screen. Bringing the phone to your ear you greet the curly headed boy.

“Hello?” You call into the phone.

“Hey y/n! Jake with you? Daniel and I just got an idea we wanna try out and he hasn’t gotten back to me” he says cheerfully

“Um no…he said he was with you guys this morning” you reply

“Oh wait! Hold on he’s calling me. Call you later! Love you!” He shouts excitedly, dismissing your previous response and hanging up.

Your stomach churns at the thought of Jake lying about where he was. He’s never done it before, why start now? You thought everything was okay now, that he was just as excited to welcome another life into your home as you are. Before the overthinking floods your mind you pull into yours and Jake’s driveway seeing his car already parked out front, a wave of relief washes over you. Maybe he wasn’t lying, maybe he just left early.

You gather the groceries and make your way inside excited to tell him what your plans for the night are. You close the door behind you making your way into the kitchen setting the bags down before heading to your shared bedroom to grab a hair tie.

As you pass his music room you hear him talking on the phone. Assuming it’s still josh you think nothing of it until you hear your name in the conversation. Stopping in your tracks you listen closely to the words being spoken. Any other day you would have respected his privacy but your gut was telling you to tune in on whatever this convo may be about. Pressing your ear against the door frame you hear

“…It’s been so shit josh, I’m torn. Theres been this weird tension that i know I’m probably the cause of because she’s been nothing but patient and understanding with me but the arguments have been multiplying and I don’t even know if i can continue on, i feel so guilty” you feel a sinking feeling in your gut as tears well in your eyes. It’s silent for a moment, assuming josh is speaking on the other end. Your interest is piqued again as Jake continues on.

“It was fun because we were young. She’s so incredibly special to me, you have no idea but we’re not even married and we weren’t planning on it anytime soon we wanted to continue traveling and experimenting with each other. I’ve loved her for so long it feels like i need to experience more, something different. I didn’t think I’d have to settle down so soon. I don’t know man. Is this even right for me anymore? Am i even cut out to be a dad? I thought i wanted this with her and only her but we’re gone for so long out of the year Josh. It’s becoming overbearing almost. I need space from her to think things through but she’s always there, a dreadful reminder of the mistake we made.” He exclaims.

“It feels like I’m only with her for the baby.” He finishes.

You hear a heavy sigh before prying your ears away, not bearing another second as it feels as though you’ve been sucker punched in the gut.

A mistake? After all the time you two have spent together and now the only thing seemingly holding you two together, is the baby? Why couldn’t he have voiced these thoughts earlier? If he wanted space to think about things you would’ve worked something out.

Now letting the tears fall freely, you start blaming yourself for not noticing the signs earlier and thinking how you could’ve prevented this. Was this a mistake? 5 almost 6 years and not once did you think your Jake would tear your heart in two like this. Especially now that you’re carrying the undeniable manifestation of your guy’s love.

The tears now flowing ten fold, you’re broken from your thoughts as the door swings open. Jakes eyes go from frightened to apologetic. His facial expression now long and sorrowful seeing your tear stained cheeks. He just stares at you for a moment, unsure of what to say.

“How long have you been here?” He says weakly

“Long enough.” You quipped. “Have all the space you desire, Jacob.” You say as you angrily wipe the tears from your face.

Turning on your heel you head into your bedroom to frantically pack your bags as what once were the walls of your home, comforting and inviting… now suffocating. Jake is hot on your heels spewing out apologies a mile a minute. Your head is everywhere but here, a million thoughts circling your brain as you focus on grounding yourself.

Choked sobs escape your mouth as you realize this sick twisted nightmare is real and the only person you longed to share a family with is rejecting that reality. How foolish of you to believe your rockstar boyfriend would want to settle down so early with you. Sure it was poor timing but you thought your love was stronger than that. Maybe he didn’t love you as much as you thought he did, at least not anymore.

“Baby please say something i didnt mean it, I don’t know what i was saying.” He tries reaching for your hand. As you pry away from his grasp, his own eyes well up.

‘You know full well what you were saying, Jacob Thomas.” You reply your voice laced with venom as you slam the bedroom door in his face, locking it. You sit on the edge of his side of the bed just letting the sobs wrack through your body, hands smoothing over the barely there bump forming. Jake sits just opposite of the door listening in hoping he could find the right words to fix this.

He knows he was being melodramatic, he loves you how every fish in the sea loves water. You were his air, consuming his lungs like an aching necessity. He loves you like dry ground loves rain, just waiting to be basked in the showers of your outpouring affection. He loves you like all the stars and the moon love the night sky, as though you were home to him… as if it was natural to love you. Like there was no other being on this earth that was made to love him how you do. You were molded for him and he was mindless to not realize the immense amount of luck he had in being able to call you his. He struck gold and paid it no mind.

Dread now filling his every muscle, his throat closing as he realizes the severity of his actions. He hears ur pained cries muffled through the door and desperately wishes he could take it all back.

“Baby please, come on.. i know there’s no excuse just let me fix this…. Please” he chokes out meekly. He steps back surprised as the door swings open, a duffel bag of your necessities slung over your shoulder. You see the hurt flash across his eyes as he makes eye contact, a silent plea to hear him out once he realizes what’s happening.

“Enough Jake. Don’t sit here and feel sorry for yourself. Enlighten me, if i hadn’t heard that conversation would you have come back out as though everything was normal. A blatant lie to my face. Were you gonna voice this to me at all? Instead I’m being labeled to ur brother as a “dreadful reminder”. If you’re only with me for the baby Jake…” you look down taking a deep breath trying to tame the aching lump in your throat before you continue on.

“I’ve made the decision for you. I need space.” you finish, swiftly pushing past him.

“No no no no no..” he starts hot on your trail

“Im not just with you for the baby, y/n. You mean so much more to me than that i- i was being stupid and selfish and i got caught up in my own personal fears it blinded me to the gift right of front of me. I swear y/n i was speaking out of my ass the arguments have been getting to me and I felt the lack of emotional intimacy i thought we were done for. When i came home the day we found out, I had been planning on talking to you about it. We lost our spark and i lost my motivation to try. And then seeing those tests i just freaked, i mean… can you blame me? This is fucking scary y/n!” You stared at him in silence taking in what he had to say, carefully calculating your response.

“I understand its scary, you forget I’m the one carrying it as well. You don’t think i feel guilty for essentially putting a pause on your career? And with these newfound hormones this is incredibly nerve-wracking especially with the lack of your emotional support! we’re supposed to be in this together! And you’ve done nothing but treat me as if we haven’t spent the last 5 long years of our life in unison Jacob! Do you know how frustrating it is to fall asleep every night next to a man who barely acknowledges your presence?! The person you fucking love completely dismissing your existence like I’m some fucking burden! You have no idea the fear that ran through my body seeing those tests in the midst of….. whatever the fuck this is!!” You exclaim waving your arms around gesturing to the now broken home. Tears now cascading endlessly down your face. You take a deep breath to collect yourself seeing how you’ve let your emotions overpower the logic needed right now.

“….that was just another level of low Jacob. You’re not you. I think we need time” you continue on teary-eyed. Voice weak from the amount of crying you’ve done tonight.

You hear him calling out for you but its all muffled by the heart-shattering sound of your world seemingly crashing down around you. Tears well in your eyes as you turn to see a heartbroken, disheveled jake standing before you pleading you not to go.

‘I love you, always will.” is the last thing you say before Jakes walls come tumbling down by the sound of the door slamming shut, tears clouding his vision.

“How selfish can you be?” he thinks to himself, rubbing his face in distress.

Cracking open a bottle of whiskey he pads into the kitchen seeing all the ingredients laid out for what would’ve been his favorite dinner. Untouched.. just lying there, a dreadful reminder of the detrimental effect of his actions. He falls asleep drunkenly on the kitchen floor that night, longing for your love and warmth to consume him again.

Fin.

[annqer]

is it really you?

[zephyrartz-owo]

Mental Health Tip! Don't skip meals lest you be fighting demons

[s0fter-sin]

i need ghoap frantically making out against a door finally taking the leap on their feelings. need ghost grinding against soap, expecting to find him just as hard as him, only to feel nothing

and in all his wisdom and experience, he concludes soap was tortured and never told him

he’s trying to think of a delicate way to say he understands, that he’s been through it and it doesn’t change anything about how he feels (and who the fuck touched him so he can hunt them down and rend them limb from limb)

meanwhile trans!soap’s just trying to find the best angle to grind his cunt on ghost’s thigh

just it never even entering ghost’s head bc he’s never known a trans person but he has met plenty of people who’ve been tortured - himself included - so of course that’s his logical leap

soap takes off his shirt and he sees his top surgery scars and ghost asks if he wants him to kill the one who did it and soap just hums like, “actually, man did pretty good, they healed real well,” and ghost’s just teary-eyes with awe at how well he’s coping, “looking on the bright side, that’s my johnny.”

imagine he thinks johnny was fully castrated but sees he’s determined to still have a sex life with him so he buys packers and straps to help him bc hell yeah healing and soap’s just like, “holy shit i’ve never had such a thoughtful partner before, such a sweet man, lt.”

[packet-of-staples]

I rlly like him… his character was written for me specifically

[jesse-pinko]

Watching Jurassic Park as a kid and the main takeaway understandably being wow!! dinosaurs :)) vs reading the book as an adult where it’s more along the lines of… John Hammond get in the submarine. The dinosaurs have literally already escaped the island and are running amok killing local infants before the main cast even gets there and presumably also nuking the local ecosystem. The raptors have killed multiple workmen and have a taste for human blood. He set up shop in Costa Rica so he could skirt around various regulations and also because he doesn’t view the locals as real people worthy of not being eaten by dinosaurs. He’s not only brought the dinosaurs back from the dead, he’s planning to immediately monetize this by exposing the public to newly zombified wild animals that the most accredited scientists have incredibly limited knowledge on. He invited his own grandchildren to an island populated by undead carnivores just so he could be like see! Would I invite my own grandchildren to skulldeath island if it was dangerous? Checkmate liberals! But that’s exactly what he did!! He refuses to breed dinosaurs that won’t eat the guests even though they could literally do that because he wants the experience to be authentic or something?! Ian Malcolm’s over here prattling on about chaos theory and it’s like I’m good man! I do not need mathematics to tell you this is going to end badly! Hammond is the most realistic depiction of a real life billionaire, utterly unconcerned with and unappreciative of the world he actually lives in because it doesn’t allow him to play toys with the basic tenants of life and death, so instead of putting his money toward bettering the real world he tries to tear it up by the roots and build one perfectly tailored to his own preferences. John Hammond kys!!

[daydreamey]

inquisitor lavellan: 🧍‍♀️is there....any chance that solas might listen to reason..?

everybody else:

[felassan]

My spoiler tag is 'dragon age the veilguard spoilers' 😊

[kat1nkulta]

Get husked idiot lol

[gretavanbrie]

Dreadful Reminders // part two (J.T.K.)

Summary: The brewing tension in your relationship seems to be pulling your love at the seams. What will happen when what is supposed to be happy news, only tears you apart further. Is one mindless phone call the end of it all?

Pairings: Jake Kiszka x f!reader

Warnings: angst (like.. hella angst), soft smut (MINORS DNI!!!), heartbreak, crying, feelings of anger, isolation, mentions of alcohol consumption, swearing, sad!Jake, excessive apologies, talks of pregnancy, arguing, soft!Jake, flashbacks that might pull at your heart strings just a smidge, heavy dialogue towards the end, oral f!receiving, light impact play like once if you really squint, nipple play, softdom!Jake, terrible singing (I feel like that deserves a warning lmao), if I missed anything please lmk!!

A/N: This is Part 2!! She is longgg and lengthy so buckle up! If you have not yet read the first part I highly recommend you do so. I want to thank those who read the first part I hope the second does the first some justice, this chapter has a lot more dialogue and context between Jake and y/n. All flashbacks are italicized!!! I do not have a tag list yet so I apologize. I also want to give an honorable mention to my best friend who helped co-write the smut. Without further ado, enjoy!!

Part 1

————————————————————

After the feud you questioned the half decade spent with Jake. Had you done something to push him away? You had a bad habit of blaming yourself for things that were never in your control, but how could he? The situation left you with nothing but guilt and questioning. How were you meant to go through this pregnancy on your own? Desperately craving guidance and clarity.

The minute the door closed behind you, you couldn’t help the overwhelming feeling of guilt wash over your body. You drug your feet down the paved road to your car slugging your bag along. You felt pathetic for silently wishing he’d come chasing after you, to feel wanted for the first time in what felt like forever. But he never did, he never came running out.

The hole in your chest now a pathetic excuse for a heart.

You opened your car door throwing your bag in the back. You let out a long sigh, throat tight on the brink of tears.. yet again. Resting your head on the steering wheel you replay the events of tonight. You felt silly for being so dramatic, I mean packing up and leaving? Because your feelings were hurt? A part of you knew not to be too hard on yourself, your emotions were at an all time high. That didn’t help the tiny daggers Jakes words metaphorically threw at you.

The question aching in your chest the most is, how are you meant to go through these next 9 months without him. You felt so alone. Where were you even meant to go in the mean time? I mean at least until you could collect yourself and contact someone. You thought back to all of the happy times with Jake. A memory in particular tugging at your heart strings, you put your car in reverse knowing exactly where you were going. The long drive seemed to have cleared your mind enough to put an end to the incessant crying.

Is it better to hurt than to feel nothing at all?

You questioned yourself as you pulled into the long dirt road leading to the old wooden cabin the boys have used for years. Putting your car in park you silently curse yourself for wanting to be away from Jake but ending up in the one place that is littered with remnants of him. The universe had a funny way of mocking you, the irony of it all almost humorous.

Stepping inside you took in everything around you. The old rugs scattered across the floor, some equipment still left behind. You ran your fingers across the mic stand recalling your fondest memory in this place. The memory that lead you here. Longing for a sliver of comfort, even if you had to milk it out of an old memory.

Feeling the lump in your throat return once again you peeled your hands off and made your way to the bedroom you’ve become unmistakably familiar with. You settled into the bed you and him used to share fighting back the tears not bothering to change out of jakes ratty old sweatshirt.

Sleep clouded your mind accompanied by a singular thought relentlessly repeating as you finally allowed your body rest.

What have I done wrong?

—————————————————

Jake awoke to the front door slamming shut, the incessant pounding of his head and foot steps approaching. Peeling his top half off the floor, his eyes squint from the harshness of the light seeping in through the windows.

“Close the blinds.” He says rather harshly, sensing its his twin.

“Well good morning to you as well, dear brother. You look awful” he says with an insufferable smirk. Jake shoots him a sarcastic smile, not in the mood for his antics.

‘You reek of booze man, what the fuck is wrong with you.. where’s y/n?”. Jake stays quiet for a moment as memories from the previous night flood his brain. His chest now tight, fighting back tears as he realizes what he thought was a nightmare is in fact real.

“She’s gone.” Is all he mutters before he stands up. Just as quickly as he got up, he sunk back down. Josh grabbing ahold of his brothers arm right in the nick of time.

“How much did you drink Jake?” Josh asks rhetorically, prying the whiskey bottle from Jakes hands.

“Whatever happened is a conversation for another time, get your shit together or we’re gonna be late. You knew we had an interview, im not letting you embarrass us.” He says sternly pointing a finger in his brothers direction.

Jake stumbles to your guy’s room not bearing the sight of some of your belongings still scattered about the space. He rakes his fingers through his hair as he breathes out a heavy sigh fighting back the new set of tears. One managed to escaped and cascaded down his face. A dreadful reminder of your absence.

Taking a quick 5 minute shower in hopes of somehow washing off his guilt. Noticeably failing at doing so, the ache in his chest only grew stronger. Splashing the water on his face to wake himself up before stepping out. Glancing towards your toothbrush as he went to grab his, he heaves a shaky breath. The best word to describe how he felt was sorrowful. He couldn’t even be mad at himself, he knows he’d have his bags packed and out the door as well had he heard the unforgivable words spoken from him.

He can’t even pin the reason behind his actions either. Conjuring excuses and dismissing them immediately, knowing this is irreversible. He finished brushing his teeth throwing on his over-worn jeans, a button up and his tattered boots. Reaching for his cologne his breath hitched in his throat. The memory of when he first started wearing it flashing before his eyes.

-

“I love this scent on you honey” you whispered peering up at him through your eyelashes, your soft breaths surely tickling his neck. The sun shining perfectly on your face.

‘god what a woman, a temptress of the earth.’ He thinks to himself.

Jake stuck a little flower he’s been holding onto in your hair as you wrapped your arms around his waist, resting your chin on his chest shining him your brightest smile. You both giggled as the wind blew your hair wistfully across your face.

“I’d wear it for you so long as I’m alive, my dear” he says cupping your face, cherishing the sweetness of your soft lips.

-

The memory now plaguing his mind, taunting him of what he so selfishly sabotaged.

“Get yourself the fuck together dude” he whispered before picking up the bottle and spraying himself. He trudged out of the bedroom.

“Let’s go Josh.” He says quickly before making his way out the door.

—————————————————

The drive to the radio station was thankfully short, ever since you left jake has hated silence. His thoughts being far too loud in the stillness of the once lively four walls. The boys were headed back to their respective homes. Jake in disassociation, quickly snapped out by daniel’s words.

“What was up with you today man? Talk about a man of few words” he jokes trying to make light of the awkward tension during the interview, painfully unaware of the distress Jake was in. Poor Danny was just trying to lighten the mood, Jake however didn’t care for it.

“I suppose I’ve got my own shit to worry about, you should try it sometime.” Jake mutters, leaving Danny dumbfounded. Guilt immediately creeping it’s way through his brain. He already lost you, the last thing Jake wants is bad blood with someone else.

“I’m sorry man that was harsh, I just have a lot on my mind. I also might’ve had one too many drinks last night… i think i let them catch up to me” he gives a small chuckle in hopes of alleviating the tension. Sam and Danny joke back. His twin’s eyes shooting daggers his direction, believing none of it.

Back at the cabin you finally stirred awake, nauseous for the second morning. Realizing you’re not at home, thoughts of last night hit you like a semi. You curl back up in the sheets wishing for this to be some sick, sick dream. Sure, some may write you off as dramatic but you’re so young, only a few years younger than Jake and you feel as though he forgets this is just as scary for you as it is him. When you dreamt of having a baby you pictured Jake by your side, in it for the long haul.

You tried fighting the unceasing waves of nausea as you rummaged for something to eat in the kitchen. Settling on some toast and lemon honey tea, you made a mental note to head to the shops in hopes of getting your mind off things.

You opened the French doors that led to the beautiful backyard deck and the land that stretched for miles and miles just enjoying the serenity of it all. Sipping your tea you ponder for a moment. You decide you’ve allowed yourself enough time to feel sorry for yourself. Now all that is left is making the best of the situation. You are a strong resilient soul, you need to energetically be the best you can be for you and this beautiful soon-to-be life the two of you have created. You decided to head into town today to pick up some baby and parenthood books, maybe an incredibly early start but it seems like you’ll be spending a lot of time here anyway.

You take a shower to wash yesterday off you, preparing for this new start. Putting on light makeup and combing through your locks you dress yourself in a white sundress you thrifted long ago slipping on some shoes and heading out.

You stop at a farmers market and recall the first summer you and Jake spent alone at the cabin, he had a break from tour and he made it a point to come and spend some one-on-one time.

He went and bought you a singular wildflower from every vender he could find until eventually you had a custom-made bouquet. Stopping and picking out fruits and cheeses together to later be shared in the garden that evening. Picking up cheap bottles of wine to share while the two of you slow danced in the back yard. He got a new cologne that day as well. A moment so tender shared between the two of you, cherished in your heart forever.

Not wanting to stay long you waltz around the closest towns local library flipping through every parenthood and childcare book you could find. Collecting a few to take home, you pay and head back.

As you were washing and cutting the fruits, ‘Til There Was You’ started playing on the old Beatles vinyl in the background. You smiled remembering the song fondly, one of jakes favorites. Little did you know it was only his favorite because of the drunken show you put on for him one night singing along terribly to the song as your friends talked and laughed around you guys. Your cheeks pink and flushed either from the liquor in your system, or embarrassment. Jake didn’t seem to care, you looked beautiful as ever to him in that moment.

You leave the record playing as you curl up in a blanket on the couch diving into one of the many books you bought today. A sliver of peace filling your body, things are starting to look up.

A few hours pass and you finally decide to plug in your phone not having bothered with it since the argument. The screen illuminates indicating battery life, you see no calls from Jake and one missed call from josh. Hurt strikes through your chest as you realize maybe he didn’t want you around after all. You hesitate before calling Josh back, a glimmer of hope in your heart.

It only took a couple rings for Josh to pick up and his voice booms through your ear.

“Y/n!! Finally you answer! Where have you been?! You never disappear this long, you and Jake are practically inseparable!” He exclaims. You grimace as you think back to the things Jake told him.

“I mean this respectfully Josh, but cut the shit. I heard everything he said to you last night on the phone. Since I’m so bothersome in my own home, I’ve taken some time away from everybody.” You say

“A-and please Josh…. Don’t tell anyone about the baby yet, i wanna get through this by myself first.” You plead, voice dripping with nervousness.

You hear the other end of the line fall silent for a moment before a heavy sigh escapes his mouth, him now getting a clue as to why he found a sweaty drunken Jake lying on the kitchen floor next to unpacked groceries. He begins to speak.

“Listen I’m sorry about my brother, I told him he needs to get his head out of his ass. There are many ways you guys can make this work but he’s stubborn. I’m confused where this is stemming from because this is all he’s ever wanted with you, I don’t know why he’s running from it now.” You can hear things being moved around and voices yelling in the back.

“Listen i have some people over right now i have to go but can you at least tell me where you are so i know you’re safe?” His voice coated in concern.

“The first summer we said i love you josh, I’m at the cabin.”

————————————————————-

Later that evening Jake finds himself at his desk sifting through old film pictures you guys took together, the two of you preferring physical proof of the intimate moments rather than digital. That isn’t to say you didn’t have any, these were just far more special to the two of you.

Jake has never felt a love like yours and he senselessly tossed it all out of the window. He knew he wanted a family with you, he just got scared of the responsibility of juggling the band and a family life. He opened a drawer full of all the wilted flowers, saved letters and notes, movies and concert tickets, hundreds of tiny nick nacks the two of you have collected over time. His eyes fall upon an old polaroid from the lake house, your cheeks sunburned, your hair kissed by the sun as you had your lips gently placed on jakes cheek. His smile shining brighter than ever, a slight pink tinge to the apples of his cheeks.

You two had just started dating. He invited you out to see his writing process, eager to have you mesh with the one thing he loves most. Jake had no idea you’d be a contiguous second. You two had spent all day in the sun reading together as the rest of the boys swam about the river. Jake caught a glimpse of his future with you, Both of you old, sat in your backyard watching your children, and eventually grandchildren, play about the land. He peered over to you and saw your rosy cheeks and nose buried in a book with ur legs up to ur chest in the lawn chair. You looked like you were exactly where you belonged. Next to him enjoying the comfortable silence. His favorite summer with you.

-

You peeled your eyes from the fascinating story nestled in your hands only to be met with your lovers, already drinking you in. you see the long-haired boy shoot you warm smile knowing he’s been caught.

“Whatcha looking at, rockstar” you smirk. Jake felt his heart flutter, your voice smooth like tupelo honey. Never has a woman had him in this much of a chokehold.

“Oh nothing… just my beautiful, beautiful girl” he says standing up from his seat beside you. He made his way to you resting his arms on each side of the chair essentially trapping you in. His torso bent over you as you look up at Jake the sun eclipsed by his head creating a beautiful halo glow around him. His skin sheen with the glistening sweat from the hot summer air. His hair tussled around from the lake water. You’ve never looked at him with so much adoration and love, and Jake could spot it from miles away. His heart began pumping faster and faster. You guys hadn’t even been together a year yet, was it too soon?

He finally speaks up “I was just admiring how natural this feels, here, with you. Wouldn’t trade it for the world…” He whispers trailing off as his eyes dart across your face, admiring the way the sun shone just right. His hands cupping your face like a missing piece of a jigsaw puzzle. Everything felt so right.

“..I love you.” he continued on, entranced by your loving gaze.

It wasn’t a grand gesture, not that you were one for those anyway. It was intimate, a moment shared between you two, and you two only. It wasn’t forced, it wasn’t used for show. It was real and it was natural. You’re immensely thankful Jake was emotionally secure enough to be so open and vulnerable with you.

A small smile tugged at your lips as your already sunburnt cheeks flushed to an even more crimson shade. Jake swore he felt his knees buckle. Though you hadn’t replied just yet, Jake knew. The love in your eyes sold it. His body still leaning over your own sat in the lawn chair, you pull him down a bit further by his necklace placing a gentle kiss to his soft lips.

“I love you more, my Jake.” you whisper as you pull away.

-

Jake replays the memory in his head. It’s been you all along. He was so blinded by his own bad habits, he shut you out. The one thing in his 27 years of life aside from his music that actually made him feel something. You were his wildest most cherished dream, left wilting from his own venom laced words. Slamming the drawer shut, Jake wasted no time grabbing his keys making his way to the car. No plan in mind.

His only purpose being to get his woman back, to make things right.

Picking his phone up he frantically dials Josh.

“Josh? Josh? hello?” Jake spews into the phone hearing josh pick up.

“What’s up?” Josh answers.

“I need you to tell me where y/n is at. I know you’ve kept in contact, she tells you everything. I don’t care what you say. I need her back. She’s the one josh i-i- i can’t lose her.” The long haired boy proclaimed choking back sobs. Josh had never heard his brother in such distress.

“Even if i make a fool of myself i need to show her I’m hers indefinitely. Ive made no efforts in proving that to her and especially now that she’s carrying my baby I can’t let that slip out of reach. Please Joshua… i need this.” He breathes. Josh is silent contemplating if he should say something. Hearing the anguish in his little brothers voice, he can’t bear to keep it from him any longer.

“Look i won’t say too much. Just think of your favorite summer, it’s evidently hers as well. I gotta go, ill talk to u later”

“Thank you thank you thank y-“ Jake is cut off by josh ending the call. He wastes no time rushing to you. Mentally preparing for this long drive ahead of him.

———————————————————————————

You sat on the living room floor mindlessly flipping through old magazines that were once neatly tucked in a corner, boredom obviously taking its course. The phone call with josh long forgotten about, since then you’ve changed into jakes old band tee you found in one of the drawers here. You hear tires on the dirt road and headlights making its way towards the house. Frightened, you pick up a kitchen knife clutching your bra less chest. You hold your breath as a car door slams and footsteps approach.

A soft knock on the cabin door and you feel the hairs on your arms raise. You peek your eye in the peep hole, after seeing who was behind the door you would’ve much rather it have been a murderer. Seeing those smooth caramel eyes you’ve missed so much only pains you, and reminds you of the hurt he caused. Every harsh word now on repeat. You sigh setting the knife down and pulling the door open.

“Hello” You greet, voice small.

‘You sound pathetic’ you think to yourself

“Y/n please…. I know its so soon and you without a doubt deserve space but I can’t bear another second without. God i was so stupid, you’ve given me nothing but undeniable support and love and I’ve taken that for granted. I should’ve talked things ou-“

“jake…” you cut him off, the softness of your voice ringing in his ears like music from angels themselves. He’s been craving the sound of your voice.

“Please just come inside and we’ll talk you haven’t even stepped foot in the door” you continue

“So.. you’ll hear me out? We can fix this right?” His eager eyes bouncing back and forth between your own, searching for some sort of non-verbal answer.

“I never said that Jacob…” you trail off allowing him to step inside.

“Can i grab you anything to drink?” You offer, Jake mesmerized by your hospitality even in the midst of a broken heart. He didn’t think he could be more enamored by you, but alas.

“I’m not some random guest y/n, i want to prove to you how sorry i am. Please..” he whispers inching closer to you. You look down a sigh escaping past your lips. You look back up at him, he sees the hurt flash in your eyes as you recall the phone call.

“Why did you say those things?” Keeping steady eye contact. It was now your turn to look for the answers in his irises.

“I don’t know honey, I don’t know.. the only logical explanation i can give you is i was scared. But that’s no excuse and i’m fully aware. Things had already been so bad between us it was eating me alive. I thought if I wasn’t even able to care and provide for you how I should’ve the last 2 months, how was i meant to provide for an entirely new human? I realized i was treating you in a way i never thought I would in a million years. I promised myself to cherish a love like yours should i ever have the privilege of being graced by your love and affection and i was blind. So fucking blind. Kids haven’t always been my thing baby you know that and i want nothing more than to have this with you now and to have a family to call our own. I’ve come to my senses. I don’t know what washed over me i let my fear get the best of me. I usually know what to say but there’s no words in the English language to describe the sorrow i feel. I’m so fucking sorry y/n.” He finishes blinking away the brewing tears. You sit almost mute if it weren’t for your shaky breathing.

“Please.. say something, anything” he pleads, a tear rolling down his cheek.

“Jake i wanna forgive you I’m just hurt, 5 years and not once have i been treated like this by you. I thought, you know, telling you the news would alleviate the tension between us. I was hoping you’d somehow realize it was all silly, and the fighting wasn’t like us. Instead you pushed me away further. Am i so terrible Jacob?” You ask dropping your gaze to your feet.

“No my love, i was just being foolish and immature. I let emotions cloud logic, I spoke what felt right at the time being and it was the worst mistake of my life. If i could take it all back i would, you have no fucking idea the lengths i’d go to undo my actions.” He says taking your face in his hand. Closing your eyes, you nestle your cheek into the warmth of his calloused palm.

Oh, how you’ve missed this. You quickly snap out of it before continuing on.

“where were you that morning, Jake? josh called asking for you but you said you were with the boys.” you say peeling your cheek away from his hand. Chest rising and falling with anticipation.

“I was with them for the first part of the morning my love, i was. But i did slip out the minute it was over instead of hanging around how they always do. I went to grab some breakfast to try and untangle the mess that was my brain at the time. I saw a dad alone with his two daughters, i think the mom might’ve been busy but the dad looked so worn out. Completely defeated, and it scared me. It’s still no excuse for the way i treated you prior to the news. I was taking my workload home with me and i pinned faults on you to try and alleviate some of the tension. I’m so sorry baby, you don’t deserve it at all. You were nothing but patient with me a- and-“ his voice cracks his head now hung in shame as his throat tightens up, tears slipping past the ducts.

“-and i failed you y/n. I ran home and called josh to try and gain some sensibility. I voiced the intrusive thoughts that were in no way the truth. I think i just let everything get to my head and i went into this existential questioning mode. I’ll regret it eternally.” he continues, lips now parted flicking his eyes between your own.

“My Jake, I’m not upset at you being scared. This is terrifying. We’re so young i don’t expect you to have this figured out. You’re doing so well with your music. I feel terrible, you have no idea. But i’m just as scared as you are. This is supposed to be a help me help you. No matter how terrifying, this was painstakingly meant for us. This was in store for us whether we like it or not and i honestly couldn’t be more grateful, Jake. I know we can make this work. If there’s anyone in the world I’d want this with its you, I need to you to be emotionally present…please jake” you say hopeful.

“I know we can honey, and I will. You won’t ever have to worry about anything. You can quit your job, I’ll provide for the three of us, you won’t have to lift a finger anymore. You can come with us on tour and i’ll be by your side every step of the way. I will make sure the traveling is as comfortable as can be for my pregnant little lady” he says pulling you in closer by the hand.

“I’m gonna need time Jake, i can’t just ask that of you. And to be frank, your words hurt. Everything is so fresh we can’t just move past it in one day. You didn’t even call me or anything Jake, radio silence. I understand if that was the space you needed but not even to check if I’m okay?” You choke.

“I know my love, I’m incredibly disappointed with myself you have no idea. I should’ve called. I just knew if I were in your shoes I wouldn’t have wanted to be around me either. I figured the least I could do was give you the space you needed. You don’t know how desperately I wanted to call you and text you and run out there, but that would’ve been selfish of me. To say hurtful things and beg you to stay? I deserved you’re absence. I should’ve reached out. I’m so fucking sorry. I have no clue what got to me it was all nonsense, I was being incredibly immature”

“It’s just disappointing, what did I do wrong Jake?” You whisper your eyes flicking between his plump lips and his caring eyes.

“Nothing baby, you did absolutely nothing wrong. I was being an asshole. You don’t deserve that in the slightest. Let me show you how sorry i am baby, let me take care of you” he whispers lips connecting with your pulse point, the light suction sending chills down your spine.

“I’m sorry, my love. I’m so sorry” gently whispering fighting the crack in his voice, punctuating each apology with a kiss to ur soft skin.

“Jake please not right no-“ you’re cut off by his lips crashing onto yours. Your lips move together like it was the first time you’d ever shared a kiss, eager and love drunk.

“let me make things right.” He whispers resting his forehead on your own.

“You’re all I’ve ever needed” moving to place a kiss behind your ear.

“Jake please” you breathe.

“I’m sorry” he repeats again but only gripping the larger fitting t-shirt of his clung around your body.

His lips meet yours again as he slowly backs you into the counter. Kneeling down in front of you, feeling your hands trace over the top of his head strumming through his long hair. Jake begins pulling at the hem of the shirt the smell of vanilla permeating his nose. The kiss ceases as you realize where this is going.

“Jake we can’t do this, we have to-“ your frantic words seem to go dormant as your shirt is quickly discarded. He strokes the back of your legs and ass pulling your lower half further into him, staring at each other with your lust-filled eyes.

“I just need to taste you, show you how much I need you.” He plants a kiss to your abdomen, finger hooking the thin fabric uncovering the sweet pool of honey.

“Is this okay baby?” he hums against your skin.

You let out a whimper, his lips quirk up in a smile knowing you wanted this just as bad.

The underwear falls as he guides your legs upward to help you step out of them, kicking it to the side using the counter to support your weight. Letting your right leg sit comfortably on his shoulder as he circles your clit with his thumb. Looking deep into your eyes and watching you cave under his touch is more than he can handle, your his greatest strength and undeniable weakness.

Wasting no time, his tongue hungrily glides through your folds, jake completely enamored by the sweetness of your aching cunt. God how you missed him. He’s desperate at this point, the impression of his fingers on your skin, the way your chest drops with every exhale, the tug of your bottom lip between your teeth as your head drops back. The way you fuck back into his face as though this insatiable hunger for one another isn’t one sided.

He pulls back emitting a whimper from you. He quickly but gently bends you over the counter. Admiring the heart shape your ass resembles, he gives a light smack. A smile dances across his lips at the absolute bliss upon your once tear-stained face. He sprinkles light kisses over the small of your back before running his hand back over your soaking wet slit.

“Spread your legs beautiful, I need to see all of you” to which you gracefully oblige.

“Atta girl” he smirks. You swear you could climax from his words alone.

He licked one long stripe starting from your taint stopping just shy of your clit before sucking slightly, his tongue then running up and down the small crevice, your arousal being lapped as though this were his last meal.

“Jesus Christ Jake…….so good” you whimper, your breathy moans like the soft song of a siren, reeling him in stronger than ever before.

“all I ever want is to make you feel good honey, I’m all yours” he says before continuing one of his favorite acts of service. He snakes a hand up to your breasts giving one a light squeeze. He slowly pinched and rolls your sensitive nipple in between his pointer and thumb eliciting a pornographic moan from you.

“You’re all mine” he says, ravenously burying his face into your dripping cunt.

You arch your back lifting your ass giving him more access to what seemed to be his own personal form of heroin, an insatiable hunger only you could satisfy. You’re close, and he knows it too. Keeping the tempo he begins to bring both knees to the hardwood kitchen floor in attempts to give you the chance to slightly sit on his face.

He drops his hold on your breasts using the same hand to circle your clit continuing his assault. The newfound feeling of synchronization between his tongue and finger becoming too much to handle.

“My god Jake, I’m so close” you groan pulling his hair for leverage. You start grinding into his mouth before allowing yourself to fully submit to the feeling.

“ I’m cum-“ you squeak out before the rush of your orgasm cuts you off.

Jake starts massaging your side as physical praise. The nectar drips from your cunt into his mouth, Jake hums in approval at your arousal. You ride out your high on his face. You look back at him with lust and admiration. He pulls back and turns you around grasping your thighs as he begins to clean you with his mouth. Repeated kisses on your legs and stomach. The maintained eye contact, trying to burn this moment into his brain. You look down at him pushing the single strand of hair out of his now glistening face. He stares up at you.

“You look so pretty when you come on my face you know?” He smirks.

You roll your eyes and smile. Searching for the now discarded t-shirt. Jake stands up collecting himself. He pulls you in by the arm before you can get dressed.

“I love you immensely y/n, i will spend every waking day of my life proving that to our little family” he says placing a gentle kiss to your forehead.

“I was so stupid my love, I had everything I’ve ever dreamed of and I took advantage. I’m not asking you to forgive me right away but just know I will fight for you until my deathbed” he continued, pulling you into his embrace.

“Please just communicate your thoughts with me Jake, we’ve been in this so long. This needs to be a help me help you. No matter how irrational you think the issue may be. I love you far too much to be apart from you” You say staring into his eyes. He places a hand over his heart before solemnly swearing to do so.

The two of you make your way into the old bedroom, his eyes sadden at your clothes spilling out of the duffel bag in the corner. It may have only been 24 hours apart but it shouldn’t even have come to that. His heart clenched at the thought of you feeling like you had to resort to isolation. Although, he knows he would’ve done the same had he been in your shoes. He grabs your hand pulling you into his chest, fingers scratching at your scalp. The way he held you was enough to relive you of any hurt or ailment in your body. The intimacy and closeness you two lacked for so long finally shining through like a streak of sunlight in a window after a terrible storm. You feel the shakiness of his breath before he begins to speak.

“I know I’ve said it many times before my love, but I truly am sorry. You shouldn’t have been alone. God, how scared you must’ve been.” He breathes looking up as if to hold back the tears fighting to escape.

“Thinking of you falling asleep by yourself last night is agonizing. I should’ve been there for you.” He whispers.

“What happened, happened Jakey. Let’s not dwell on what we can no longer change. Please… I don’t wanna think about it any longer. I want to focus on moving forward. I want to be the best version of me for our child” you say pulling away, both of you looking down to your abdomen with sad smiles.

“Did you come here because it was the first time we said i love you to eachother?” He blurts, eyes darting between your own. Scared of what you might say.

“Maybe..” you flush, shying your face away. A smile lights up his face.

“The moment was just so perfect, Jake. So intimate. Something special just for us, no interruptions. We were so happy, young, and in love. After we said it we got so drunk Jakey, you serenaded me with that mic all night. Any song I spoke of you strummed that guitar immediately. I knew i wanted you forever, right then and there.” You giggled

“I was quite the serenader, wasn’t i?” he jokes. Pulling you in by your waist he looks up smiling as he recalls the memory.

“I will play as many songs if it means I can see your pretty smile” he says leaning down giving you a peck on the lips. You two just held each other for a moment before deciding a shower was your best bet after your little reconciliation.

The shower was nothing short of intimate. Soft touches, hands raking through each others hair as the shampoo lathers. Just basking in each others presence. The two of you sat in silence, not a word uttered. You guys seemed to have an unspoken mutual agreement that you needed to make up for lost time in touches. It had been so long since Jake had been so attentive and gentle with you. You finally felt the love you two once had circle its way back. He stayed behind you washing the conditioner from your hair.

“I love you baby” Jake states, breaking the silence. He reaches around, kissing you softly.

“You’re divine, my woman. I can’t get enough of you, I’m sorry again baby.” He says pecking your shoulder. You hum in adoration letting your head rest back on his shoulder as he lathers your body.

You two wrap up the shower after having taken the time to allow yourselves to attentively care for one another again.

You sit naked on the bed with a towel in your hair, book in hand, neither of you bothering to change. Just eager to finally be in each others presence again. Jake is walking around the room, collecting your scattered clothes and packing them up.

“My Jake, just come lay down” you whine wanting nothing but to lay in bed together, to feel a long awaited sense of normalcy between the two of you. You close your book and set it beside you as you watch him circle the room.

“Soon my lady, one more thing” he says, a smirk worn proudly like he was scheming something. He waltzed into the closet finding his old straw hat. He rests it atop his head picking up his old acoustic. Still unclothed , the instrument acting as a garment for his lower half. He strums the familiar tune to ‘Til There Was You’. Your smile beams as you recall the old Beatles song.

“Thought I’d put on a long awaited show on for my special lady and our little bean” He laughs unable to take himself seriously. You giggle as well before responding.

“Take it away, my love!” you encourage as he begins singing the song purposefully off key. Fingers strumming perfectly to the tune.

“No, i never sawrrrrrr them at alllllllllll” he exaggerates.

You two break out into fits of laughter as he rids himself of his guitar and hat diving into bed with you. The room falls silent as you guys lay, you remove your the towel from your hair getting comfortable under the covers. Jake silently admiring your glow, coming to the realization its been lost for so long. Ever since he grew distant, you didn’t shine the same, even hearing your laugh tonight struck something within him. He’s pained he’s the cause of your light dimming. He finally speaks up, breaking the comfortable silence.

“Thank you for giving me the chance to prove myself to you again. You deserve to shine baby.” He whispers into your neck

“Mhm, don’t make me regret it” you squint your eyes at him playfully. You both laugh before sighing in contentment.

“You know I saw the food laying on the counter, I wish i could take it all back. I’ll thank you endlessly.” He says nuzzling his head into your neck entangling your legs together as his torso rested atop yours. Enjoying the intimacy of laying unclad together, it’s been far too long.

“I just never want you to speak of me like that behind my back again, I felt so unwanted. I trust that you’ll communicate those thoughts to me directly from now on” you say playing with strands of his hair.

“We’re too old for that kind of stuff now, Jakey.” You continue on.

“I’ll never let anything come between us again, i will stop at nothing to ensure your happiness. And 9 months from now i shall do the same for the little one” he says drawing shapes on your stomach. A newfound appreciation for one another, a tighter metaphorical knot now formed between the both of you. You two were made for each other and you know your baby will be so loved. Now its just one step at a time. You wouldn’t trade him for the world, he lays there completely and irrevocably enthralled by your love.

Fin.

[nymph1e]

Sabine being BARELY force sensitive is honestly amazing. I was going in pre-pissed because I fully expected them to hamfist Sabine being a jedi but they did it so well. She isn't force null bit from what I can tell, she wasn't as sensitive as a jedi would be. In a pre-o66 world, Sabine would NEVER have been trained as a Jedi.

Basically this fact - that Sabine isn't suddenly amazingly force sensitive - has changed this development from a mary sue waiting to happen, to a really really cool direction for her character to go in. It's now the story of someone working through a handicap. I mean how interesting is the idea of Sabine becoming a fully fledged jedi despite her lack of force sensitivity???? How creative will she have to get to get around her lack?

[softceleste]

"You didn't even falter, didn't look back once, did you? So Samson blamed Delilah, but given half the chance I would have made him weaker too."

Please do not save, repost, or edit these gifs for any reason, use the reblog button instead. Also please do not interact if you’re a celeb rp blog or if you write taboo content on your blog, thank you!

[molagboop]

After referencing numerous diagrams, avian necropsy records, and my own prior knowledge of human musculoskeletal structure, I have devised speculative anatomical structure for Chozo.

We'll start small with my first attempts to properly chart basic skeletal structure from last year (seeing as how that's what I used as a jumping off point), then move on to the research-based stuff. I wanted to walk through the process of solving problems presented by the skeletal structure.

First we have a cursory look at the ribcage. Drafted June 7, 2023. Leaning into the more humanoid appearance.

New addition, May 2024: a first shot at sussing out wing bones. These bones need to be much, much larger to accommodate the full breadth of the limb: this is just a rough outline. The skeleton also needs to bear muscles that are strong enough to carry the Chozo in flight, hence the new protrusion on the chest: a keel. Two variants of this new breast came out of this drawing session: one with a large keel that extends below the sternum and one with a normal keel.

Image credit: Wikipedia

Human ribcages have this ridge along the bottom that the last six ribs are attached to (noted in grey on the image above). We're not doing that with the Chozo ribcage.

The sternum is the structure in the middle, which the ribs are attached to. See those two bones attached to the top of each side of the sternum, stretching away from the center of the ribs and forming sort of a capital "T" silhouette? Those are the clavicles. When you're drawing any humanoid form, the clavicles are an excellent landmark (and as I've been taught, the first place you should start on anatomy after you've laid out your pose, armature, etc).

It's also part of why wings are so difficult to suss out on Chozo skeletons. In birds, a bone that consists of a fusion of the two clavicles is a crucial part of flight: the clavicle bridges the gap between the ribs and the arms, and for birds, the wings are their arms. That's problem number one: effectively consolidating two pairs of arms on one torso.

We have a few bones to add onto the human skeleton in order to make flight possible for Chozo. First, we'll assume all bones are hollow. This makes them lighter, demanding considerably less energy to lift them off the ground in the first place.

I've modified the sternum to add a keel, which the base flight muscles are going to be anchored to.

First pass at revising the skeletal structure. I made a few modifications unrelated to the wings. The pelvis is similar to that of a human, though a little wider to accommodate egg-laying. I may end up reworking the pelvis entirely to make it more bird-like, but I'm more interested in making those wings fit at the moment. Chozo have a human femur/patella, and avian lower legs.

Here's a thing I slapped together in 3 minutes in January of last year to illustrate which bones are where for the layman. Onto different matters.

Skeleton, labeled.

Generally, the wings' humerus is attached to the scapulacoracoid, a bone attached to the keel that's sort of Y-shaped. That's how a real bird's shoulders are structured. Humans posses a scapula (shoulderblade), which has two protrusions: the acromion process and the coracoid process. The acromion process is where our humerus joins the shoulder. The coracoid process in humans is not exactly big enough nor ideally shaped to anchor flight muscles to.

At first, I had three ideas:

Invent a new bone attached to the keel that serves the function of the coracoid.

Modify the scapula to fit a new bone that anchors the flight muscles (the scapulacoracoid is analogous to the human scapula, after all).

Forego the keel and invent a bone on the spine that does the same thing.

To start, I added the furcula, a Y-shaped bone on the sternum, flanking the keel. Fun fact: not all birds have a furcula (better known as the "wishbone" in some parts of the world).

Real quick muscular structure layout sans flight muscles.

First pass at the flight muscles. Not the most accurate wing muscles in the world (neglected to depict the muscles near the tip of the wing, for one).

In this model of the musculature, a good deal of the flight muscles around the breast and torso are hidden by the pectoralis major, much like several non-flying human muscles.

Flesh applied over muscle.

Feathers applied over flesh.

That was my first attempt at constructing the Chozo skeleton. You'll notice the wing bone solution is inelegant. See, wings are analogous to arms. Their metacarpals are finger bones. In order to give Chozo both arms and wings, we'll need to deviate from both avian and human skeletal structures to make the pieces fit together.

I can't make the flight muscles stretch comfortably over the clavicle: that has the potential to impede motion in the arms. My first idea in the second round of flight bone shenanigans was to invent a second bone that fit between the spine and the scapula, like shoulder-bound plate tectonics (working name "scapula trellis"). I wasn't wholly confident that I could configure flight muscles in a logical manner even with this setup.

At one point I consulted Raven Beak's model. Note the patches on the back of the torso on the powersuit: that's where the wings emerge in phase 2. It looks like they're anchored to the scapula or an adjacent structure.

Barring the fact that his wings are absolutely ridiculous, I wasn't sure I could work with this. Gorgeous structures, but the feathers don't seem big enough to handle flight.

So I was left to brainstorm, and drafted up a few sketches for a second scapula to anchor the wings' shoulder joints to. I was more confident in this than I was the previous design, but I wanted to fish for ideas from other parts of nature.

Enter dinosaurs. Specifically, the Pteranodon with its shoulder girdle.

The addition of a shoulder girdle as an anchor for the yardarm (the term I'm using for the humerus of the wing, applicable only to creatures that have both wings and arms) seemed like a better solution. Positioning it below the scapula allows me to place the wings a little lower on the back, providing minimal interference between the two sets of limbs.

Whether we're rolling with the shoulder girdle or a second scapula, the intended result is the same: the wings have moved down on the back of the torso (personally, I'm digging the girdle, but the second scapula is on the table if anyone else wants to try their hand at this).

Muscles from the back, illustrated. Note the distance between the deltoid (shoulder muscle) and the wings. The shoulder girdle is situated in the lower-middle of the back of the ribcage.

A few notes: the acromioecstasia exists because the muscle that usually connects between the body and the patagialis longus on real birds is located on the pectoralis major. If I emulated that, we'd have flesh crossing over the deltoid to reach the front of the body, which would obstruct movement of the arms. We don't want that, so I moved that section of the wing to the back. We're compensating by adding additional musculature up front.

Wing muscles from the front. All three pectoral muscles are attached to the keel. The pectoralis medius is an extension of the pectoralis major, running beneath it and several other muscles. The pectoralis minor (also known as the supracoracoideus) lies beneath both the major and the medius. The pectoralis medius and major are responsible for the downstroke, while the supracoracoideus raises the wing between flaps.

Flight is very taxing on the individual. Power suit wearers actually have an easier time flying than non-wearers because the suit passively offsets the metabolic demands of flight with its own Energy.

It's important to note that these sizes are not necessarily "to scale". Chozo wings should actually be much bigger than my canvas permitted me to show. I had to keep increasing the size of the canvas on one of my files to accommodate a reasonable wingspan, but even that's not broad enough! I had to stop expanding the canvas for the sake of my CPU. If any muscles look too dinky or the scale seems off on some bones, that's why: I just needed to swiftly illustrate where things are.

A Chozo's total wingspan should at least be twice the individual's standing height. Any smaller and there's no lift.

I still don't necessarily consider the wings "solved": if any speculative biology enthusiasts want to weigh in further on the subject, feel free!

After laying out the bulk of the skeleton (and before solving the wing problem), I decided to go a little further in my studies. Thus, we have organs.

First, the digestive system.

The esophagus is self-explanatory. Food goes in through the beak, traveling into the body through the esophagus.

The crop is used to store food: this is where digestion begins. Many parents regurgitate mushy, enzymatic food for their children from the crop. Very nutritious and promotes growth.

The proventriculus is the first half of the stomach: protein bonds begin to break down here. Gastric fluid produced here aids the gizzard in mushing things.

The gizzard is where the bulk of food-crushing occurs. Breaks larger matter down through transfer between areas within the organ.

The liver and gallbladder are crucial in digesting fats. Real bird livers have two lobes: the left is smaller than the right. Two bile ducts from the liver connect to the distal duodenum: the right duct is connected to the gallbladder. Chozo only need one.

The duodenum is the start of the small intestine, running in tandem with the pancreas. Pancreatic enzymes created by the latter assist in completing digestion, processing sugars, etc.

Digestion is finished in the other sections of the small intestine, where nutrients are absorbed.

Chozo kidneys largely resemble their human counterparts. Connected to the lower half of the gastrointestinal system. Urate is disposed of through the cloaca, transferred from point A to point B by the thin ureters bridging the kidneys to the large intestine.

Bacterial fermentation in the ceca extracts nutrients from plant material that can't be digested through enzymatic breakdown. The ceca and large intestine also reabsorb moisture, forming the solid portion of indigestible waste. The ceca are larger in tribes that eat more fruit and other plant products. Mawkin ceca are fairly small: they live quite an active lifestyle, and plant matter supplements their all-rounder diet with meat as the foremost staple.

The large intestine is the end of the line. Renal and intestinal waste is ejected here. The end of the reproductive tract forks to the distal segment to facilitate egg laying. Mammals have considerably larger large intestines than Chozo to dry out waste before expulsion.

Next we have the respiratory system. The trachea takes in air and delivers it to the lungs. Unlike mammalian lungs, Chozo lungs are inelastic: they don't expand and contract. The air sacs do all the expanding and contracting: they're connected to the lungs through a network of bronchii.

The high metabolic rate required for flight demands a ton of oxygen, and Chozo respiratory organs are designed to do just that. The mechanics are fascinating but I won't take up too much of your time explaining the finer points. Wikipedia's write-up on the circulatory system of birds is a good place to start if you want to dive deeper.

The short version is thus: air enters through the nostrils, traveling into the bronchi through the trachea and syrinx (the syrinx helps Chozo vocalize). The bronchi deliver air to the lungs. When Chozo inhale, the posterior and anterior sacs expand: the posterior sacs take in fresh air while the anterior sacs fill with air that has already passed through the lungs. Air is constantly circulating through the lungs, and it's a one-way flow.

Parabronchii are microscopic tubes that run perpendicular to the blood capillaries. Parabronchii efficiently diffuse oxygen from the air into the blood.

The next image set deals with a few extraneous vital organs. I'm not going to illustrate the nervous system nor arterial network, just as I neglected to illustrate all the bronchi in the respiratory system. That's a lot of tubes!

The circulatory system is pretty standard, but it pulls largely from Dread. Here's the thing: in the pre-boss fight cutscene for Raven Beak (aptly named 0086_comanderorbital_video_artwork_01.webm in the files), we see him contributing to Samus' biological makeup. His heart is set firmly in the center of his chest.

This is anatomically accurate to real birds! Bird hearts are placed similarly in the center of the chest, flanked by the left and right lobes of the liver (linked image is a labeled black and white illustration of a dissected pigeon, showing most of the major organs).

The brain is exactly what you think it is. No, the most interesting part of this last image set is the harus.

The harus is an accessory to the lymphatic system. You'll notice its proximity to the respiratory system. Lymphatic capillaries accompanying the parabronchi network filter more harmful atmospheric molecules into the harus, which makes use of specialized cells to recycle these molecules in a process that synthesizes ATP. In addition to this, the harus helps maintain the body's proper pH levels in hostile environments. This organ is what allows the Thoha to breathe in Zebes' toxic atmosphere.

Headcanon time: the majority of non-powersuit related genetic alteration done to Samus Aran in her youth is related to this organ: her respiratory system was altered with the proper instructions to produce specialized harus cells on their own without needing to transplant the organ. Samus can breathe on Zebes because her lungs can perform the function of the harus while she breathes.

Full-size pngs for everything are available on Ko-fi and Patreon. The canvas for this project was pretty big because I wanted to be able to capture the scale of the wings somewhat.

ADDENDUM, May 16, 2024: Chozo should have a modified pelvic bone that more closely resembles a synsacrum, not a humanoid ilium: I am a fool and completely forgot to make alterations in that department.

[todayisafridaynight]

'tumblr if you snipe the quality of another post of mine im going to break into your cellar and ruin all of your wine' translation: click for better quality

80's version

[highlifeboat]

Listen I know

I know it's just a form she takes to fool people or whatever and she's actually an old decrepid witch from Slavic Folklore. And she would kill and eat my body

But I mean that's my type

[cupcakehamster64]

What do you mean it isn't a Sun (DCA) and Moon (DCA) themed bunny.

This is the Bipolar II bunny from Plushie Dreadfuls! As soon as I saw it, I thought of Sun and Moon (and it is a sun and moon theme, just not OUR Sun and Moon DCA's) and the fact it represents Bipolar II just pulled me in further seeing as it's the type I personally have. This little lad shipped from China and was purchased by my sister (THANK YOU if you see this!)

Necklaces also from my sister. Purchased from Hot Topic for about $12 ~ $13 USD.

And here are some size comparisons in case you want to see how big it is (I assume the plush itself, minus the ears, is roughly 10 inches, give or take) and if it's worth the price tag ($45.00 USD and comes with a tote bag.)

1. A medium squishmallow.

2. A Nintendo Switch without joycons.

3. No country for old men paper back edition.

4. Pill bottle :)