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slothquisitor · 2 days ago

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New Discoveries

Summary: In which Lucanis makes some discoveries about himself. Just the littlest bit smutty, we love a demisexual figuring out their sexuality. Rook/Lucanis, 2k.

Also on AO3.

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It’s a quiet evening in the Lighthouse, and Lucanis is already in bed, well not quite in bed. He’s still awake, reading a romance serial Bellara recommended, and he’s thoroughly sucked in. He knows he should probably sleep soon, but the romantic tension between the characters is just too much. He’s promised himself that as soon as the hero and heroine confess their feelings to each other, he’ll call it a night and go to bed.

Only he blows right by the confessions and things are getting steamy for the characters and he still hasn’t stopped reading. Normally, the smutty bits in the romances he enjoys are nothing more than an interesting look at what other people seem to enjoy. He understands exactly none of it. He doesn’t tend to find these sections particularly titillating and sometimes he skips them altogether. But sometimes, he can see the way that smut is written to also be informational about characters or dynamics of relationships. He’s not ashamed that most of what he knows of sex he knows from reading books like this.

Only this evening, his mind has gone somewhere rather unexpected. The heroine of this particular novel bears little to no resemblance to Camina, but as he reads he starts envisioning her. It’s surprising and not exactly unpleasant, but it is somewhat unbidden. He keeps reading anyway, surprised to find his cock growing harder by the minute.

Lucanis has always felt a degree of disconnect from this aspect of his body. Erections come and go, sometimes random, sometimes not. Sometimes he’ll wake in the morning to find himself hard. It has never been particularly connected to sex for him, just another need that he can either ignore or indulge without shame. What he has never felt, is aroused by a book…but it’s not the book, is it? It’s Camina .

Oh.

He’s never really…imagined a person before. Oh sure, his mind has conjured nebulous figures in his dreams and he has awoken to find himself wanting, but for what, his contrary body can’t ever seem to decide. The physical sensation itself is fine, but certainly not worth the foolish behavior he has so often witnessed from others in search of it. But he knows that people do envision the person they care about while…well. He feels his cheeks heating.

Lucanis returns to the book, shifting a little to get more comfortable and attempting to ignore his erection. But the more he reads about kissing and touching and the two characters ripping the clothing off of each other as they confess their feelings, he finds it’s nearly impossible to ignore the way his cock aches for touch.

Sometimes, when he has taken things into his own hands, he finds that his own touch is enough to deflate the feeling, the need. His body interested in something he can’t quite give it. When he was younger, he was more bothered by the way he and his body couldn’t ever quite seem to find agreement, but as he’s gotten older, it’s become something he’s made peace with. Or found a way to ignore it at the very least.

But tonight…

He sighs and reaches into the soft cotton of his sleep pants, wrapping a tentative hand around his cock, shocked at the relief it offers. He pumps experimentally, the image of Camina appearing without his realizing he was summoning her. He imagines tucking her long dark hair behind her shoulder, revealing the pretty angle of her clavicle. He wonders what it might be like to press his lips against the skin there. He’d thought about it the other night, lying across from her in a tiny tent as he ran his fingers carefully across her cheek. He has always been careful with touch, but he hadn’t been quite able to stop himself from wanting . That same feeling surges in him now, only it’s so much clearer, so much more insistent.

Lucanis considers an alternate version of that night, one where he was brave enough to lean in and kiss her, one where their hands had been allowed to roam. He imagines pressing her into the bedroll, their bodies melding together. He’s never seen her naked before, but his mind conjures a version anyway, breathing hard, eyes blown wide with desire.

He leans his head back on the cool stone, imagining that the hand pumping his cock isn’t his own, but Camina’s instead. His orgasm catches him by surprise, pleasure bursting behind his eyes as he bites down on his lip to stay quiet. He doesn’t think anyone is in the dining room, but truthfully, he cannot hear over the rushing of his heartbeat in his ears.

His body stills and he feels a little overwrought, wrung out. Maker.

“Lucanis. All right?” Spite asks.

Mierda!

He nearly rolls off his cot in surprise. “Yes. Fine. Everything is fine,” he manages. How could he forget his little audience? There is no part of him that wants to even attempt explaining this to Spite who has only recently learned about space and still can’t quite fathom the need for skin.

He feels too awake, too aware of every part of his body. As his breathing slowly returns to normal he realizes with startling clarity that for once, his body and his mind seem to be in agreement as to what they want. Who they want.

This is…this is new .

***

Lucanis finds himself avoiding sleep again, only this time for an entirely different reason. His mind has begun running through increasingly alarming scenarios and he suddenly regrets all the romance books he’s enjoyed over the years for providing what seems to be neverending dream fodder. It’s also becoming increasingly difficult to meet Camina’s eyes over breakfast when his mind has spent the night imagining all of the many ways he wants her.

He wishes he knew how to talk about this without betraying his embarrassing lack of experience. It’s been years, but he had tried, rather unsuccessfully, to feel this way with people before…and it’s never worked. Is this…normal? Is this how everyone else feels all the time? How does anyone get anything done? So he keeps it to himself, silently suffering as he tries to figure out what it all means, as he adjusts to what he’s starting to feel is his new normal. It’s harder than he anticipated, even trudging through the wetlands around Hossberg.

The mud here has already ruined one pair of boots, and he’s not particularly interested in breaking in another pair, but when Camina had asked him to come along with her and Davrin, he wasn’t about to say no. It’s taken some time, but he and Davrin have resolved their differences and he genuinely enjoys spending time with him these days. Their small group treks through the mud and the darkspawn laughing and joking and teasing each other relentlessly.

It’s nice. It’d be nicer with fewer darkspawn.

They’ve just managed to take out a horde of darkspawn as they track the blight eruption Antoine and Evka are concerned about. Lucanis cleans off his daggers as Assan hops around in the mud beak clicking excitedly.

“Come on, boy, I’d really love not to have to bathe you before we can let you roam the Lighthouse,” Davrin says with fond exasperation. Assan continues hopping in the mud puddles as though Davrin hasn’t said a word.

“Oh, let him have his fun,” Camina replies with a grin tossed over her shoulder. She’s in the middle of fixing the bun she usually keeps her hair tied back in when they’re in the field.

“Someone sh-” Lucanis trails off mid-sentence as he catches sight of the elegant line of Camina’s neck as she lifts her hair. He’s struck by how strong the urge is to close the distance, to press his lips against the pale skin there. He wonders if he’d taste the salt of her sweat if she’d lean back into him…

Davrin steps in between them grinning with delight, his eyes filled with mirth. “You good?”

Mierda. Davrin can’t possibly read his mind, but he’s clearly followed enough of his thoughts. “I’m fine.”

“Everything alright?” Camina asks, glancing over her shoulder at them.

Lucanis can feel his face heating, and he’d like the swamp to open up and swallow him here and now. He has no such luck, of course. He gives Davrin a look he hopes conveys just how willing he is to stab him if he says anything to Camina.

Davrin’s smile widens. “Hey, Rook?”

“Yeah?”

Oh. He’s going to wind up poisoned. Or stabbed. Either probably suffice.

“You got any treats for Assan in your bag?”

The griffon perks up at hearing the word ‘treats’, and then Camina is giving the muddy griffon plenty of love and affection. Davrin shoots him a smug look over her head and he decides that maybe he won’t stab him, but punching him would probably be fine. Because he’s absolutely not going to let this drop. Ever.

Lucanis spends the rest of the mission doing his best to focus and not get distracted by Camina. It’s a victory, of a sort. But there’s still plenty of time to wonder what about this time is so different than every time before. Is it Spite? Is it that he knows his feelings are returned? Is it that the world is ending? He wishes he knew; he wishes that it didn’t fill him with quite so much hope.

After the blight eruption is gone, tendrils of blight recede, revealing clearings full of delicate blue flowers. Life and beauty persist even in this place, even after everything. He’s struck by what this place could be without the blight, without being at the mercy of gods. It seems that their team is in no rush to leave, so he takes a seat beneath the flowering tree. Assan frolics through the flowers as he and Davrin play, and Camina is chatting with Antoine and Evka. There’s hope in the air, a dash of wonder too. Only added upon when Camina comes and sits next to him.

“Can you believe these survived underneath the blight?” she asks.

He wonders what else is hidden beneath the rot. “It’s beautiful.”

“Gives me hope for Minrathous and everywhere else choking in the blight,” she says.

He knows she still feels an immense amount of guilt over Minrathous. And that every letter she receives from the Inquisitor about the spread of the blight in the South only adds to that. He carefully plucks one of the nearby flowers and holds it out to her.

She looks momentarily surprised before smiling broadly as he tucks it behind her ear. She leans in then, resting her head against his shoulder. His heart races at the contact, at the casual affection of it all. These moments with her feel fragile, as though he might accidentally shatter them with the wrong move or word. Camina is never anything but steady, and it is instead his own worries that make every second feel as though they are gifts he might never see again.

He realizes then that he could tell her everything, every worry and question and every new discovery he’s made about himself. She would listen and only tease him a little, in a way that might allow him to laugh at himself a bit too. She would be kind and funny and steady and sure. Now isn’t the moment though. Not tired as they are. Not with any sort of an audience. But he’ll find the time; he feels sure about that.

So he wraps an arm around her, drawing her closer, and simply enjoys this moment, stolen in the chaos that is their lives.

#lucanis dellamorte #rook x lucanis #lucanis x rook #rookcanis #dragon age fanfiction #dragon age: the vielguard #lucanis x camina #the watcher and the crow #slothquisitorwrites

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