#dracula's castle snow globe

[hometoursandotherstuff]

Snow globe - Dracula’s Castle. 

https://www.facebook.com/TheGothShoppe

[achromatophoric]

Enid: Hey Willa, can you unlock your magic iBall? I promised to call your mom after we settled into the dorms.

Wednesday: Querida, it’s just a crystal ball, and there is no need to unlock it. By the very fact that centipedes have yet to sprout from your face signifies that you are an approved user.

Enid: Uh, Babycakes, we’re gonna have to like, come back to that centipede thing after you help me with this.

Wednesday: Enid. This is a snow globe. Of Dracula’s castle.

Enid: What!? I thought that was your mansion!

Wednesday: Certainly not. The mansion has impaling spikes along the eastern face, not the northern.

Enid: Then where’s your… oh no.

Wednesday: What is it, mi lupita?

Enid: *groans* This is Yoko’s. We must’ve switched. I guess I’ll call her in the— whoa! What’s the rush?

Wednesday: Call Yoko. Make sure she doesn’t answer the ball. I’ll drive.

- - Debatably adult humor incoming - -

— — Far away in off-campus housing — —

Yoko: Oh fuck…!! God, Divi. Can I ahh-fuck— can I call your tongue Hadoken?

Divina: ?

Yoko: Because it’s downright fierce. *manages a wink*

Divina: *sputters and comes up for air* Yoko! Not while I’m— oh bleugh! I snorted you, you bitch!

Yoko: *cackles* Sorry, I couldn’t resist! I uh… hey, do you hear something?

Morticia: *muffled* Enid dear, is that you?

After some scrambling, Yoko manages to fish the crystal ball out of a box of underwear, sex toys, and Funko dolls. She sets it on the bedside table with Morticia facing the two.

Morticia: Ah, Wednesday’s friends. How is it that you have her crystal ball?

Yoko: Shit. Sorry, Miss Addams. Some of our stuff must’ve gotten mixed up in the move.

Divina: Did you need to talk to Enid? I can call her for you.

Morticia: No need. And I should be the one to apologize. I did not mean to interrupt your… hmm. Activities.

Divina: *flushes*

Yoko: Pffft. Don’t apologize. You weren’t interrupting. In fact… you wanna watch? *waggles eyebrows*

Morticia: Absolutely, my dears.

Divina: Yoko!! You can’t just— wait. Seriously?

Yoko: Never doubt the Tanaka rizz, Babe. Miss Addams, I have been so looking forward to this.

Morticia: Please, call me Morticia. Now then, why don’t you two lovely dears come a touch closer and let’s begin? I dare say that our time might be short.

Yoko: You got it, Mo— can I call you Mommy? Yeah? Perfect. Babe, get back in here so we can give Mommy a show. God, I’m so—

Divina: Sorry, one sec. Uh. Yoko, Enid’s calling your phone. Should I—

Yoko/Morticia: Don’t pick up.

[dont-f-with-moogles]

hello! I saw your festive prompt.

could I request idea 6 or 27 with Levi x Hange, please. 💚💜

Festive Fics 27: Confessing A Crush When It’s Snowing 

The Last Two People on Earth (modern AU) Levi x Hange (mentioned: Zeke Yeager) 1835 words 

Levi was struck by hot whips of panic. His breath rasped in his lungs as he glared wildly into a haze of white. The frantic scraping of his windscreen wipers did little to relieve the snow as it pummelled down with renewed ferocity. It was quickly becoming impossible to drive in such a blizzard; the tightening of his chest warned him so. And yet his eyes were fixed upon the darkness, searching amongst the pale limbs of trees which lined the road for a lone figure. Every shape emerged as human company, only for his headlights to flash over it and extinguish all hope. Levi was terrified that he would pass them without recognition… leave them to perish out in the storm. How long had Hange been walking? They had left moments before he had run to his car. How had they managed to cover so much ground in that time?  

Then his lights caught a shape. Stalking against the wind, head bowed, arms wrapped around them, was Hange Zoe. 

Levi’s tyres crunched the ground as his vehicle slowed to a halt. He flung open his door and scrambled out.

“Oi, Hange!”

His voice tore in the snow-flecked gale. Hange stopped, arms still folded, refusing to turn around. Flakes dusted the shoulders of their coat; tangled in their hair. Levi’s shoes sank into the carpet of white. Snow littered his chest and arms. He brushed the flakes from his face with an impatient hand. Within a few short seconds the cold was already beginning to seep through his jacket. 

“Of all the places this guy had to live… what is this, Count Fucking Dracula’s Castle…?”

“Well, no one asked you to drive all the way out here!” Hange burst out tremulously.  

Their breath coiled like smoke into the wind. Suppressing a shiver, Levi wrung the snow from his arms. Then he placed a tentative touch upon their shoulder.

“Hange-” Slowly, they turned to him. Their lenses were smeared, eyes clouded with hurt and fury. The gale had whipped their cheeks raw. 

“Come on. You really think you would have gotten very far walking in all this?”

“I only left because you showed up uninvited!”

Hange’s stare blazed the ground. And yet, they did not resist as Levi drew them closer.

“We can’t stay here-” The cold air grated Levi’s tone, fraying every word until they hung hoarsely between them. “We’ll freeze.”

His arm tightened around Hange’s shoulders. The fabric of their coat was so icy it chilled his fingertips. Turning back, they struggled towards the car. Hange refused to speak another word, even once the door had slammed shut upon the cool interior of the vehicle. 

As they rolled into the night, there was just the rustle of flakes upon the windscreen and the creaking of Levi’s wipers as they battled the onslaught.  His eyes strained, exhausted, into the whirl of white. Only minutes had passed before Levi could hardly see more than a couple of inches of road curving in front of them. A sudden bend caught him unaware, forcing him to press upon the brake. The car crawled feebly, defeated by the elements which rained down upon them.

“We can’t keep on going, Levi…” Hange’s voice was heavy with tiredness.

“You mean…” Levi turned to cough into his damp sleeve. As he lifted his head, he found himself unable to finish his question. The silence settled heavily between them, as suffocating as the snow which clung to the corners of the glass

“There’s a high school less than ten minutes from here,” Hange suggested, “I remember visiting there a couple of times for inter-school competitions…”

Levi obliged by pulling over by the side of the road. He removed a torch from the glove compartment and retrieved a spare sweater from the back seat - this, he flung upon Hange’s lap.

The school building loomed into view; a hidden relic encased within the swirl of a shaken snow globe. Arms clinging to one another, bowed against the gale, Levi and Hange staggered forwards. They moved in slow motion, like aged versions of themselves cut out of time and place, left to wander in a world of white.

“Evening cleaning staff stay til late,” Hange’s jaw chattered as they nodded towards the lit windows. “I doubt they’ll be leaving anytime soon…”

Frozen footsteps left a trail of ice-water across the hardwood floors. Crossing an eerily quiet reception area, the two of them entered the first ground floor room they passed. It was a small space connected to an adjoining classroom. A faded display adorned the wall; paper turned pale by the sunlight of endless summer afternoons. Fresh chalk had recently been scrawled over a small, wall-mounted board. There was the scent of plastic, of paint and marker pens preserved in the still air.

They removed their wet shoes and placed them beneath a traditional column radiator which ran along the space opposite the window. Levi shook the water from his jacket and placed it over a classroom chair. The sudden warmth after such exposure drew the heat into his face. He ran his tongue across the roof of his dry mouth. Then he removed a tissue from his pocket to wipe at his icy nose. Hange sat with their back resting against the radiator, Levi’s thick sweater spread over their lap.

Once Levi had settled beside them, they lapsed into separate spheres of thought. The window opposite was a black square framing flakes as they drifted upon the night like feathers.

“Is it true?” Levi broke the silence at last. He appeared to address his arms, which rested upon his knees. “What you said before?”

The sleeve of Levi’s sweater slid off Hange’s lap as they shifted against the metal coils of the radiator. They retrieved it a little pedantically, smoothing the fabric out with several strokes of their hand.

“...about what?”

“That you only left because I showed up?”

“Well, how else do you explain it?” Hange turned to him fiercely. “You appeared out of nowhere. Of course Zeke assumed he was getting in the middle of something! Now I’d be surprised if I ever manage to get him on his own again.”

Levi reached out to check the dampness of his jacket. “...I see.”

“I don’t think you do.” Hange shifted so that they were kneeling next to him. The sweater lay crumpled at their side. “This is how it works with benefactors! If a department needs funding for equipment then they have to kiss a pompous ass here or there to make it happen.”

Levi’s mouth twisted at their words.

“I know it’s not the same in your job… but to us, donations are everything.” Hange glared down at their trembling fists. “Without them, we can’t continue our work. We’d be left stranded years behind in terms of research…”

“It just…” Levi lowered his head and coughed into his sleeve again. “It shouldn’t have to be that way.”

“Well… it is.” Hange sat back on their heels. In this posture there was something childlike about them. “...and you implying that there’s something seedy going on when it was just dinner and the offer of a guest room in his house… well, that really stings, Levi.”

“I never thought…”

“So why then, huh?” Hange’s voice rang in the small confines of the room. “Why did you drive all the way out here from your place?”

“I…” Levi cleared his throat again. Then he leaned his head back against the plain plaster wall behind them. “I… just think it gives the wrong idea.”

“So what… you rode out here to defend my honour?” Hange laughed derisively. “Give me a break…”

“Don’t be stupid. I mean it gives him the wrong idea.”

The corners of the windows were misted with white. The darkness beyond was speckled with wisps of magic.

“Moblit told me about the last time you both met that guy… he said there was something off about him. You all felt it. And… I didn’t like the idea of you being stuck with someone who makes you feel that uncomfortable.”

Hange wrapped their arms around their knees. They turned their face away and remained still, half-hidden by their sleeve.

“It’s not your job to rescue me… I don’t know why you think it is.”

In answer, Levi drew towards them. Wordlessly, he picked up his sweater and swept it around Hange’s shoulders so that the sleeves embraced them around the neck. His hand lingered upon the material; his eyes intent upon their face. Then he moved back against the wall.

Silence lay upon the scene once more, only broken by tiny, incidental sounds. The humming of the overhead lights. The clicking of the radiator. Rustlings of snow whispered their secrets against the glass. The quiet rasp of Levi’s breath. Within that small room surrounded by flaking plaster and old paper… the smell of chalk dust and dried paint… Hange heaved an exhausted, tearless sigh. So consumed by their anger, they had hardly noticed Levi. He was sleeping, his head resting against the faded wall. His face was drawn and pale.

Removing his sweater from around their shoulders, Hange draped it over his lap. Levi gave a small grunt in response but did not stir. Hange placed the back of their hand against his forehead, withdrawing as his skin burned them.

“You idiot,” Hange chided him, “rushing out into a storm to save me, even though you’re sick and trying to hide it… who do you think you are, a knight in shining armour?”

Hange studied his pale brow, tightened with worry, even now as he slept. They mapped out the contours of his angular cheekbones; the small, curved nose; his sharpened jawline.

“You were born in the wrong era, Levi. You ought to have lived in the time of fair maidens so you could ride in on horseback and be the hero.” They gave a sparkling peal of laughter, their tone far lighter than before. “It’s just… I’m not cut out to be a damsel in distress, I’m afraid.”

Levi’s dark fringe tickled the back of their hand as they stroked it away from his face.

“You see… you’ve got it all wrong. You don’t need to worry about me… especially when it comes to Zeke.” 

The room had grown colder and emptier without Levi’s brash interjections, but Hange would not have woken him for the world. As his breath whistled quietly down his nose, Hange marvelled at the steady rise and fall of his chest. 

“...because I can take care of myself… just how I take care of you.”

Instinctively, Hange’s fingers felt for his. They knelt beside him, Levi’s hand held gently in theirs. 

“Thanks to you we’ll be stuck here until sunrise…” 

Hange touched their own forehead lightly to his. Resting there for a moment, they savoured the warmth of his skin as it flared against their own.

“...we could be the last two people on earth. Maybe we should just stay here forever… just you and me.”

[c-schroed]

Ever since I heard of these Romanian souvenirs that basically are snow globes but with bats, I knew that I need one of these in my life. And thanks to eBay, I NOW DO OWN THIS DARLING HERE:

According to its label it's made in China (unfortunately), but designed and distributed by a Romanian design studio (yay!). And much to my pleasant surprise, the globe is made from glass! (When it comes to souvenir snow globes, I'm rather used to plastic.)

So yeah. I love my fancy new bat-clouded vampire roommate.

[antihero-writings]

Would it be possible for you to write some Dracula/Lisa pregnancy fluff?

Yes, yes it absolutely would!!!

....Though apparently not without time...

Me: I want to get better at writing shorter things faster. Like actually answering people’s prompts in decent time.

You: *Sends me this delightful prompt, when I was already contemplating writing some Draculisa pregnancy fluff*

Me: What a perfect opportunity!!

Me: *still takes absolutely forever to write it*

Needless to say, I’m so so sorry for the delay. But thank you so so much for sending me this, this prompt really was a delight!! 😘💕 I hope you like it!!

*

A bat soars above the moon kissed trees, dives down, swoops up to the sill of a castle window. Framed within it’s pane a woman with golden hair is laying on a couch, the tips of a book visible, her lips moving as she reads aloud. It would seem she’s reading to no one, but he knows better; she’s reading to the dream of a thing growing inside her belly. If one were to look in front of the couch they would see she was more than a few months pregnant.

His wife.

He half wonders if the scene is a snow globe; if he’ll have to shatter the world to touch anything within.

He still can’t quite believe this woman is his wife. That she’s carrying his child. This human woman. This mad, wonderful, beautiful human woman, who showed up at his door asking if he’d teach her how to be a doctor. He’s a king, yes, but not one women are particularly fond of courting, nor vice versa. All alone in his castle, he never had time or care for courtship. What vampire could be good enough for the king?

None indeed.

He clicks the window open, and upon entering in a puff of smoke he is a vampire; human in shape, but little else, incredibly tall and dark, and, sure, handsome to some, whose footsteps sound against the floorboards as he walks up beside her.

“Good evening, darling—or should I say morning?” Lisa twitters from the couch.

“Good evening.” Vlad steps by her head, leaning closer.

She reaches out her hand to take the edge of his cloak, looking at him upside down.

“Before you get settled, would you be a dear and get me some cheese? You know, one of those little platters?”

He stands back up to his full height, raising an eyebrow. “Let me guess, you want pickles on that platter too?”

She grins. “The baby asks for so little in life.”

He has a thought, maybe he ought to mention how he is a king, a vampire king no less, not to be ordered around to do petty things like run errands—for human food at that.

But she’s his wife. And running cheese errands is small price to pay for this scene to be more than glass.

He sighs. “Fine, I’ll get your pickle-cheese.”

“Thanks, Dearest.” She says overly sappily and blows him a kiss.

“Yeah, yeah.” He waves her off as he steps out of the room.

As Vlad leaves, Lisa’s grin fades into a satisfied smile. She runs her hand over her belly softly, thinking of the child, wondering, as she often does, just what kind of person they’ll be, what kind of life they’ll have.

“I know he looks scary, but your father’s always a sap like that.”

He comes back a few moments later—(smoke in his wake)—with a platter of cheese and crackers and pickles, all in neat little slices.

She props herself up with a pillow as he hands it to her, thanking him again.

He sits on the floor beside her head, and she lets one hand drape over his shoulder, and he reaches up to hold it.

“You should tell them a story.” Lisa says through cracker.

“Who?”

“Adrian.”

“Adrian?” He pauses, tastes the word on his tongue. “I thought we liked—”

“I like Adrian better.”

“Adrian.” He pauses again, seeing what kind of aftertaste it has. “…What kind of story?”

“Something nice. A fable maybe? Mustn’t scare the kid too early in life.”

He takes on a false voice. “Once upon a time a brave knight saved a princess trapped by an evil dragon, and they got married, the end.”

Lisa smacks him with the book. “Come on! I know you can do better than that. Has this giant library taught you nothing of how to tell a story?!”

He raises an eyebrow at her. “Over half of them are scientific journals.”

She rolls her eyes. “Fine, don’t blame me when your child thinks of you as an old codger who doesn’t know how to have fun.”

“Alright,” he concedes, pauses, pondering where to begin. “Once…there was an old king.”

“Not bad.” Lisa reasons.

“Centuries old.”

“Better.”

“He was a fearsome creature, not quite human, made of blood and twilight. Once he ruled the world with a fist of iron and tongues of fire. Everyone knew his name, and everyone feared him…and he reveled in it.”

“But…once the world was his, sitting in his huge castle, he couldn’t help but feel like it was rather small and…lonely.”

Lisa raises an eyebrow.

“One day, after years—more—of sitting alone in the castle, a woman knocked on his door. She was brave, determined…beautiful.”

Lisa scoffs.

“She said she’d heard he had secret knowledge—foreign, forbidden. The instruments of healing, the ones that had to be kept secret, for fear from those who thought all the worlds answers were in the sky.”

“She asked the king—this terrible, sad, lonely, demon—to teach her how to heal people.

“Most fearsome creatures would have laughed in her face. Most of his kind would have turned her away, turned her into a meal, or turned her into one of them. Not this king. He could tell from the moment he met her she was different. He didn’t like most humans upon meeting them—long ago he had a nasty habit of putting them on stakes. But he was instantly taken with her, and he accepted her request.

“And…though he thought happily ever after only existed in the most ludicrous of fairy tales…together they lived in his castle…and, yes,” he leans his head back to look at her, “they were happy.”

She leans down to kiss his forehead, before the baby in her stomach kicks.

“And that’s where you come in.” Lisa continues for him. “You see this king isn’t just made up. This is the story of your mom and dad. And you…you are a product of this happiness. You are born from a rare collision of worlds, and that can only mean you are destined for great things. We believe in you…” she pauses, trying to think of a name to try out.

Vlad looks at Lisa, and says with confidence: “Adrian.”

When he says the name, for the first time in centuries, Vlad thinks he can taste sunlight.

[symphonyofthewrite]

Happy in Between

Fandom: Castlevania Netflix | Castlevania Symphony of the Night

Summary: The prompt: "Would it be possible for you to write some Dracula/Lisa pregnancy fluff?" The answer? Yes. Yes it would.

Notes: I’ll put a link to the original post/ask in a reblog/the replies!! It’s on my writing blog @antihero-writings!!

As always, comments and/or reblogs are deeply appreciated!!

*

A bat soars above the moon kissed trees, dives down, swoops up to the sill of a castle window. Framed within it’s pane a woman with golden hair is laying on a couch, the tips of a book visible, her lips moving as she reads aloud. It would seem she’s reading to no one, but he knows better; she’s reading to the dream of a thing growing inside her belly. If one were to look in front of the couch they would see she was more than a few months pregnant.

His wife.

He half wonders if the scene is a snow globe; if he’ll have to shatter the world to touch anything within.

He still can’t quite believe this woman is his wife. That she’s carrying his child. This human woman. This mad, wonderful, beautiful human woman, who showed up at his door asking if he’d teach her how to be a doctor. He’s a king, yes, but not one women are particularly fond of courting, nor vice versa. All alone in his castle, he never had time or care for courtship. What vampire could be good enough for the king?

None indeed.

He clicks the window open, and upon entering in a puff of smoke he is a vampire; human in shape, but little else, incredibly tall and dark, and, sure, handsome to some, whose footsteps sound against the floorboards as he walks up beside her.

“Good evening, darling—or should I say morning?” Lisa twitters from the couch.

“Good evening.” Vlad steps by her head, leaning closer.

She reaches out her hand to take the edge of his cloak, looking at him upside down.

“Before you get settled, would you be a dear and get me some cheese? You know, one of those little platters?”

He stands back up to his full height, raising an eyebrow. “Let me guess, you want pickles on that platter too?”

She grins. “The baby asks for so little in life.”

He has a thought, maybe he ought to mention how he is a king, a vampire king no less, not to be ordered around to do petty things like run errands—for human food at that.

But she’s his wife. And running cheese errands is small price to pay for this scene to be more than glass.

He sighs. “Fine, I’ll get your pickle-cheese.”

“Thanks, Dearest.” She says overly sappily and blows him a kiss.

“Yeah, yeah.” He waves her off as he steps out of the room.

As Vlad leaves, Lisa’s grin fades into a satisfied smile. She runs her hand over her belly softly, thinking of the child, wondering, as she often does, just what kind of person they’ll be, what kind of life they’ll have.

“I know he looks scary, but your father’s always a sap like that.”

He comes back a few moments later—(smoke in his wake)—with a platter of cheese and crackers and pickles, all in neat little slices.

She props herself up with a pillow as he hands it to her, thanking him again.

He sits on the floor beside her head, and she lets one hand drape over his shoulder, and he reaches up to hold it.

“You should tell them a story.” Lisa says through cracker.

“Who?”

“Adrian.”

“Adrian?” He pauses, tastes the word on his tongue. “I thought we liked—”

“I like Adrian better.”

“Adrian.” He pauses again, seeing what kind of aftertaste it has. “…What kind of story?”

“Something nice. A fable maybe? Mustn’t scare the kid too early in life.”

He takes on a false voice. “Once upon a time a brave knight saved a princess trapped by an evil dragon, and they got married, the end.”

Lisa smacks him with the book. “Come on! I know you can do better than that. Has this giant library taught you nothing of how to tell a story?!”

He raises an eyebrow at her. “Over half of them are scientific journals.”

She rolls her eyes. “Fine, don’t blame me when your child thinks of you as an old codger who doesn’t know how to have fun.”

“Alright,” he concedes, pauses, pondering where to begin. “Once…there was an old king.”

“Not bad.” Lisa reasons.

“Centuries old.”

“Better.”

“He was a fearsome creature, not quite human, made of blood and twilight. Once he ruled the world with a fist of iron and tongues of fire. Everyone knew his name, and everyone feared him…and he reveled in it.”

“But…once the world was his, sitting in his huge castle, he couldn’t help but feel like it was rather small and…lonely.”

Lisa raises an eyebrow.

“One day, after years—more—of sitting alone in the castle, a woman knocked on his door. She was brave, determined…beautiful.”

Lisa scoffs.

“She said she’d heard he had secret knowledge—foreign, forbidden. The instruments of healing, the ones that had to be kept secret, for fear from those who thought all the worlds answers were in the sky.”

“She asked the king—this terrible, sad, lonely, demon—to teach her how to heal people.

“Most fearsome creatures would have laughed in her face. Most of his kind would have turned her away, turned her into a meal, or turned her into one of them. Not this king. He could tell from the moment he met her she was different. He didn’t like most humans upon meeting them—long ago he had a nasty habit of putting them on stakes. But he was instantly taken with her, and he accepted her request.

“And…though he thought happily ever after only existed in the most ludicrous of fairy tales…together they lived in his castle…and, yes,” he leans his head back to look at her, “they were happy.”

She leans down to kiss his forehead, before the baby in her stomach kicks.

“And that’s where you come in.” Lisa continues for him. “You see this king isn’t just made up. This is the story of your mom and dad. And you…you are a product of this happiness. You are born from a rare collision of worlds, and that can only mean you are destined for great things. We believe in you…” she pauses, trying to think of a name to try out.

Vlad looks at Lisa, and says with confidence: “Adrian.”

When he says the name, for the first time in centuries, Vlad thinks he can taste sunlight.

[margridarnauds]

...on one hand. I can be very critical of the overwhelming equation of Vlad Tepes and Bram Stoker’s character in pop culture, mainly because (1) It totally dwarfs the real historical figure, who has a...polarizing reputation (enough said on THAT) and (2) ...the Dracula in the novel doesn’t really have that much in common with him, besides a name, anyway, BUT.

But.

Also.

A bitch wants Bran Castle to make their gift shop available online so I can get all the tacky Dracula merchandise, especially that bat snow globe.

[the-insidious-dr-grey-matter]

Castle Dracula snow globe.

[dzmoot]

COUNT CLAUS

It was decades ago when I was ten And it was a time for good will towards men It was Christmas time, the cream of the crop Time for lighting contests, dressing up pine trees and grown ups to shop For the year's most popular of knick knacks and toys For their angelic little girls and mischievous little boys There was Toby the Teddy that talked and did hand stands 

A rubber action figure, Sam Stretch that stretches and expands 

There was Miss Penelope Perfect with a make up set and brush 

A giant mutant lizard monster that spit up slime and mush 

And a Baby Poops Too Much for little cousin Jane 

For dear Johnny, a noisy remote control flying saucer sure to drive mom and dad insane 

And what did I want that year, I wasn't quite certain Perhaps some dinosaur mittens or a cowboy curtain But there was one thing set in the stone I would be up all night Christmas Eve, curious and alone To get a glimpse of the big man in red With the big fuzzy cloud beard upon his huge round head I would watch him put the presents under the tree And laugh and smile with utmost glee He would eat every cookie and drink all the milk And put on his black gloves made of smooth silk And then with a finger nicely placed aside his nose He would stand upright on all ten toes And up the chimney he would fly like smoke He's in pretty good shape for an old folk

I couldn't wait, to get a glimpse of Santa Claus And all I had to do was listen closely for reindeer paws

So, as you would imagine, it was the night before Christmas when all through the house Not a creature was stirring, except for my pet mouse 

The stockings all hung by the fireplace with care There was a holiday snow globe and a festively dressed teddy bear And I on the couch with my jammies and cap Was drinking lots of coffee to make sure I wouldn't take a nap When out in the front yard, there arose such a clatter I sprang from the couch to see what was the matter Away to the front door I flew like the Flash Whipped it right open and looked past the trash The fog was hovering over the hard, frozen snow And there was no lustre of midday from the moon to show When what to my anxious eyes did appear But a weird looking sleigh and nine, fanged bats instead of reindeer With a caped, terrifying driver so UNDEAD and sick I wondered to myself, WAS THIS REALLY SAINT NICK? 

More rapid than werewolves his monsters they came And he hissed and shouted and called them by name Now Ripper Now Dripper Now Sucker and Spewer On Killer On Crippler On Stoker and Skewer To the top of the house, to the top of the wall Now flap away flap away flap away all And when the coursers landed on the roof The dreaded vampire Claus transformed into a bat with one single POOF As I shut the door and hid behind the armchair Down the chimney St. Nicholas flew, ashes flying into the air He turned back into a human with red eyes and sharp teeth And he had a candy walking cane and a large collar instead of a wreath  

His cape how it fluttered, his glare how scary He seemed to hover around which made me quite wary His sharp fangs dripped gooey blood onto his belly It looked as if he just consumed somebody’s brain jelly He was spooky and plump, a right wicked old elf And I gasped when I saw him, in spite of myself A blink of his glowing eyes and a 360 spin of his head Soon gave me a feeling of terror and tremendous dread He spoke not a word and went straight to his work And filled all the stockings, the big blood sucking jerk And laying his finger aside of his nose He turned back into a bat and up the chimney he rose

He flew to his sleigh, to his bats gave a whistle And away they all flew like a nuclear missile And I heard him exclaim as he drove out of sight Merry Christmas to all, and to All a Good Night!

And I said to myself, was I hearing that right?

How could such a terrible monster make people giddy He should be out scaring trick or treaters on Halloween, he’s ghastly and gritty He’s nothing like the Santa Claus I always dreamed In his sight, people probably hid under their beds and screamed So in those hours after Dracula Claus had gone I devised a plan well into dawn I would wait until next year, when the present delivery would start And when he comes back, I would stake Count Claus straight in the heart

Yet again, it was the night before Christmas when all through the house Not a creature was stirring, except for the pet mouse There were no stockings, no snow globe, no Christmas tree by the chair I anxiously waited until Count Claus was there And when he arrived, I flew to the fireplace And prepared to strike Count Claus square in the face He flapped down the chimney, a bat yet again And I readied my sharp, limited edition silver pen When to my surprise, Count Claus transformed into a beast And looked at me like I would be his midnight Christmas feast He had several eyes and claws like a crab And he waved his tentacles around me like he was ready to grab

I cried and I shrieked like a big, slobbering baby Until I heard a soft voice, like a small bird in a tree Count Claus was back to normal and he wasn’t as scary His fanged mouth formed a smile and he put his arm around me He said, Dear little Toddy McFaggletrodder, I mean you no harm I know I look like I would bite off your arm I know I look like I came straight from the grave But I’m actually that kindly Claus you’ve always known, the one all people rave I’m just a vampire, forced to come out at night For if I came out during the day, I would crumble to dust in the bright light That’s why I stay up high at the North Pole It’s pitch black and dark as coal To protect me until Christmas comes again So I can continue to spread good cheer among God’s great men

And with those words, I was no longer afraid Count Claus would surely be something I would no longer evade And as Claus put his presents upon the floor He asked me if I’d like to go on a little tour He would take me along on his long winter trip And I would ride on his grand bat pulled ship I couldn’t wait, it was like the Christmas specials on TV I wondered and wondered about all the fantastic things I would see And we flew away, all around the world The sleigh was like a roller coaster that looped and swirled We visited house after house, through the thick winter sauce And surprisingly, Count Claus didn’t flee at the sight of a cross He feared no garlic, no grains of rice No bibles, no holy water, no wolfsbane spice He gave the children their presents, his ultimate goal And when he was finished, he took me to the North Pole Because it was pitch black, it was hard to see But the glowing nose of Rudolph the Bat led the way for me

And we entered Count Claus’ grand toy making castle Without any hustle, bustle or hassle

And again, what did my wondering eyes should appear But thousands of strange looking elves with one single eye, so clear They still had pointy ears and tiny Christmas hats They were busy making toy soldiers and silver baseball bats And their voices, how high pitched, how squeaky, how merry Their yellow ears so flappy, their toes so hairy

Then Count Claus showed me all his machines The Great Toy Spaceship-O-Matic, a thingamajig that made tambourines A gingerbread house maker, a firetruck snapper A Susie doll head plopper, a frisbee clapper There was a gizmo that made multi colored toy snails And a conveyer belt that made toy chainsaws, hatchets and nails Last but not least was the great Wind-Up Toy constructor And an elf named Morty was the controller, the conductor There were wind up toys of elephants, kangaroos and soldiers There were even wind up cowboy boots and cup holders I saw a guy in a car, a juggling clown, an alien invader Why, there was even a wind up kung fu alligator

We met some of Claus’ comrades, Credence was first He was a critter with a Christmas ball head and drank cocoa to quench his thirst

A gingerbread giant that almost hit the ceiling

The Insectoid Candlehead, dripping hot wax and squealing 

And like a haunted house at Halloween There was even a floating present poltergeist, a bright red and green

The North Pole’s first line of defense, a battalion of nutcrackers                         

They stood prominently and were led by General McKlackors!

Outside on the white, slushy snow so delicious Was a talking snowman the elves called Aloysius 

He told me a story about the fateful Christmas Eve When the presents were stolen by a furry green fellow, I couldn’t believe He told me a skeleton kidnapped Santa one night And trapped him in a crypt where he received that fateful vampire bite As the tour continued, I bid Aloysius goodbye He had a warm heart for such a frosty guy And with a bit of magic, Santa gave life to his long walking cane He was tall with a mustache and was named Cain

Cain Charine was the Count’s most prized assistant When he checked Claus’ naughty and nice list, he was quite persistent He had a bit of an accent and kept all the elves in line He knew just what toy making duty to assign He got up and waved his long rubbery arms And tried to amuse me with his humorous charms And after awhile, Claus turned him back into his walking stick I’m sure if Count Claus ate him, he would become very sick

Then we went back outside, walked towards a forest, so bright Was the forest on fire, I feared, not quite It was a beautiful, stunning moment to cease When we saw the entire forest full of glowing Christmas trees The lights were so bright I thought I’d go blind And the reds, the blues, the greens, so defined They glimmered and glistened like burning night stars And the stars on top glowed like headlights on cars It was like a grand Christmas dream, it would never be forgotten But little did I know something would come along, something very, very rotten When we least expected it, it hit us like a knife When one of the glowing trees suddenly came to LIFE

It was an alien from a gleaming Christmas star Bringing terror and tyranny from afar He had 5 eyes, more than a spider And long, tendril arms and a prickly trunk, much wider

He was ready to pounce and devour us like cookies But we would defeat him, we were brave rookies He chased us, far up the snowy mountain Far past the fruitcake valley and down the eggnog fountain He chased us down the slope of drippy chocolate balls And into the great, sticky rock candy halls Count Claus whipped out some tinsel and a large red sack And tied the creature up, than I covered him up and pushed him on his back We drug him back to the castle and put him in the freezer He was frosty, a frozen tree, cold hearted like Ebenezer And we put him right in the middle of the hall So all the elves and critters could admire him, they could all have a ball It was an odd Christmas, like one I never had And now that I am old, I tell this story to you my lad In hopes that you will one day have a similar adventure to endure Because, right now, at this moment, Count Claus is at the door Have a good time, say hello to the elves To the magical toys upon the shelves And beware strange aliens disguised as Christmas trees For they might devour you like strings of cheese It’s Christmas time, a time for excitement, over and under And who said vampires can’t spread cheer and wonder 

MERRY CHRISTMAS FROM DERRICK ZURN’S MOON OF TOONS! 

[benito-cereno]

The Further Adventures of Santa Claus, Chapter 2: The Count at the North Pole (finale)

(Chapter 1 part 1 here, part 2 here, part 3 here. You should definitely read chapter 1 first. Chapter 2 part 1 here.)

Dracula’s fangs sunk deep into the fleshy throat of the exhausted elf he had pinned against the side of a suburban home blissfully unaware that they were to be the site of the apparent death of Santa Claus. But no sooner than the vampire had begun to drink deep of Santa’s veins, he drew back in horror and revulsion.

He pulled his hand away from his hideous jaw, and into his palm dripped a streamy of not the deep, rich red he was expecting, but rather something frothy, white, and cold.

“Milk?” he shrieked in pain and confusion. “MILK???”

But Dracula’s words fell on deaf ears. His shock at the idea that cold milk ran through Santa’s veins was quickly superseded by an entirely new shock. Santa was now standing stock-still, milk gushing out of the holes in his neck like water from a fire hydrant. His knees locked and his arms were thrust straight down at his side. His eyes glowed a bright, incandescent red.

Then an unnatural voice, as if he were yelling through a tin can, blasted from his wide-open mouth, broadcasting, “SANTA DECOY ONE COMPROMISED.”

Santa’s head jerked toward Dracula in one inhuman motion. In the light of his blazing red eyes, a layer of burnished metal showed from under his rent flesh.

“SUNLIGHT BOMB ACTIVATED.”

Dracula barely had time to murmur “what” before this unsuspecting suburban subdivision was lit up like the surface of the sun. Meanwhile:

The South Pole! A tall, candy-striped pole rises high above the snow drifts! It stands as a marker to the southernmost point of this island Earth, as well as the signpost to Santa’s War Room!

Deep inside its tension-filled gingerbread halls, surrounded by gum drop monitors and peanut brittle icicles, stands an enormous snow globe containing a model of the entire planet Earth floating inside, surrounded by a flurry of white flakes. A globe within a globe. At this moment, somewhere in North America, a light begins blinking, knocking an unsuspecting elf on monitor duty out of his sugar-plum Christmas Eve reverie.

“Guh!” the elf shouted, nearly falling out of his marshmallow chair in panic.

Another elf at a switchboard made of chocolate wafers and wooden pegs leaned back and shouted at the other elf, “Tinker! What’s the matter over there?”

With the type of drama befitting only someone who has been staring fruitlessly at a snow globe for untold years, Tinker thrust his finger at the blinking light inside the globe. “Someone’s set of Santa-Bot One!”

Soon a swarm of elves from the monitor room were scrambling and running around in a panic, holding their heads in their hands. “Oh no!” “Oh gosh!” “The decoy!” “Someone call the boss!” “Call the boss!”

Tinker ran over to a phone that sat, long forgotten, under a dusty glass bell jar. The phone’s two eyes stared out over his bulbous red nose and empty smile. The nose began to glow red when Tinker removed the jar and picked up the rounded red receiver. He quickly dialed the number two on the phone’s white rotary dial. He waited for the sound of a click, then shouted into the mouthpiece, “Boss! You’d better get in here quick!”

Scarcely a moment later, a nattily dressed figure burst into the room. He was clad head to foot in black: black three-piece suit, black shirt, black tie, well-shined black shoes, black briefcase, black Bluetooth earpiece in his ear. The only thing not black on his body was his tawny brown hair, combed back slickly between his curved goat horns.

“All right, soldiers!” barked the Krampus. “What’s the sit-rep in here?”

Tinker once again pointed to the blinking light within the globe, somewhat more abashedly this time in the presence of the corporation’s number two. “Er, the Santa-Bot One decoy has activated its self-destruct mechanism, Mr. Krampus, sir. We believe it met its target, sir.”

The Krampus stroked his hairy chin and the tip of his tongue flicked out of the edges of his mouth as he thought. “Well, well, Prince Vlad. We're soon to meet again.” The suit-clad beast strode confidently down a hallway before opening a door to a darkened inner chamber, lit by a roaring fire that cast its sole inhabitant into full silhouette. “Santa, we've found the vampire.”

The figure by the fire did not even turn around as he replied, “Very well, Krampus. Fetch my horse, if you will.” Meanwhile:

Back in the suburbs, an enormous scorch mark covered the cul-de-sac full of identically-shaped and aluminum-sided homes that were once blanketed in a soft layer of snow. Next to the house that was the clear epicenter of this massive event--itself blasted with scorch marks but otherwise unharmed--stood the sputtering, charred shell of the Santa-Bot. Next to him lay the body of Dracula, black and burnt, but somehow still undead.

With a not insignificant effort, Dracula propped himself up on a skeletal elbow and coughed out soot and ash. “Kaff! Hah!” he choked. “I kaff yet live!” Despite his obvious infirmity, he began to drag his crumbling body through the snow. “And now for those two little children…”

His journey was interrupted by yet another flash of light, though this one much smaller and at some short distance away. The loud FWAAAAAASSSSHHH sound it made as it flared up caught his attention, though he had to shield his eyes before the bright blue glow. When the light dimmed and disappeared, Dracula saw in front of him a pair of feet in polished black leather shoes and impeccably tailored black pants stood in front of his prostrate form. The lord of the vampires struggled to lift his head to see whose legs blocked his path.

“YOU?!” he spat in disgust.

“Yeah,” the owner of the legs said, deliver a swift kick to Dracula’s head with such strength that it flipped him over like a vastly overcooked egg. “Me.”

Now lying helplessly on his back, Dracula could not avoid seeing in full who stood before him. In the black suit stood the Krampus, who wiped the soot from Dracula’s burnt face off his shoe before crossing his arms across his chest. Next to him was a figure imposing enough to make the great horned beast of the woods seem slight. He was draped in heavy green robes fringed with an intricate Celtic knot design. At the top of these robes, a dark hood covered a hoary head from which a long, wiry white beard hung down in a tangle. If he turned his head just right, the light struck a small square of leather covering a hole where his right eye had once been. Stitched into this patch was the rune isaz, meaning ice. His one remaining eye pierced the darkness, the cold, pale blue of a winter morning sky. In his right hand he held a long staff of gnarled wood that curled into an uneven spiral at its top. Most terrible of all, this mighty wizard, the Santa, sat astride a fearsome gray stallion, nineteen hands high, with eight legs and snorting fire.

“Gruß vom Krampus und dem Weihnachtsmann,” sneered the Krampus through a cocky, tooth-filled grin.

The soot-covered count looked up at the sorceror upon his horse, coughing out a small cloud of ash with each breath. By now a small crowd of suburbanites unused to such riff-raff in their neighborhood had begun to gather in the cul-de-sac to see what was causing such disruption of their normally quiet subdivision. “So now what, Saint of God? Will you kill me now at last?”

The Santa turned his gaze away from the vampire. “No. Not in front of the children.” He raised his staff, from which an icy blue light like the one that marked his entrance began to issue. “But elsewhere. And very soon.”

As a now familiar FWAAAAAAASSSSH resounded throughout the cul-de-sac, the nondescript American suburb faded from sight, and in its place materialized a twisted cyclopean edifice that looked like an arthritic claw reaching toward heaven in an attempt to scratch out God’s eyes.

Dracula cackled, his legs finally having regenerated enough for him to stand up. “Hah! You bring me here, to Castle Dracula, my place of power?” Finding his second wind, he lunged at the Santa, who had just dismounted from his horse and handed the reins to the Krampus. Despite the element of surprise, the wizard managed to deftly dodge the vampire’s attack, partly because it was preceded by him yelling, “You arrogant fool!”

Now enraged, Dracula leapt again in attack at the Santa, this time from behind. Again, the mage simply stepped to the side and evaded the bat’s talons, though this time the vampire managed with his swipes to rip some snatches of fabric from the hems of Santa’s robes.

With Dracula now having rushed past him, the Santa blew a small breath of cold air across the open palm of his own hand, which then became an enormous wintry blast that knocked Dracula back into the wall, leaving him pinned to the castle wall by giant icicles through his sleeves and cape.

Dracula sneered. “So the saint decides to finally show his true power, eh?”

Santa walked patiently toward the captive beast. “There is more to see yet, prince.” He drove the point of his knotted wooden crozier hard into the mildewed stone floor of the castle. A bright flash of light sparked up from where the staff struck. The next moment, the entire top of Castle Dracula was blown off by an incalculably large explosion of light and sound.

The vampire prince was shocked to see his ancestral home destroyed. The entire roof and all the upper floors that had, a moment ago, been above him, were now simply gone. He struggled in his rage, but impotently so, as he was still powerfully affixed to the wall by the Santa’s eldritch icicles. “You—you fiend. You exploded my castle.”

The Santa turned his gaze away from Dracula. “Don't worry, prince. You won't miss it long.” He pointed to the horizon, where the first sliver of sun was beginning to peek out. “The sun is rising.”

“It is, isn't it?” Dracula began to cackle again, until he got caught in a coughing fit, hacking up ash and soot again. “AH AH AH AH AH! Even in my death, I've beaten you again! Just as in our last encounter, you've been so troubled with me, you haven't completed your annual duties! The children, saint!  Won't you think of the children?”

Santa smiled grimly. “You think me such a fool that I wouldn't learn from our last encounter? Do you think the decoy you encountered was the only robot my elves built for me? You, prince, are the fool” Meanwhile, in Japan:

Santa Kurōsu happily eats Kentucky Fried Chicken with his wife over candlelight, a hogtied namahage lying next to his table, begging for a bite of chicken. Outside his rocket-powered bison sleigh idles.

Meanwhile, in France:

Père Noël unloads some escargot and baguettes from the wicker hampers on the back of his donkey, Gui, and places them in the shoes of a gently snoring family of mimes.

Meanwhile, in England:

Father Christmas descends from his home in the Northern Lights to enjoy a spot of tea with the guard outside of Buckingham Palace, who manage to drop their professional facade for just this one moment, because it’s Christmas.

Meanwhile, in Italy:

Babbo Natale and his braying donkey Dominick careen through the winding streets of Rome on a Vespa scooter, shouting expressions of love at a crowd of young women, themselves on scooters.

Meanwhile, in Finland:

Joulupukki welcomes a crowd of children to his reindeer farm, his long, goat-like beard hanging down from an irrepressible smile.

Meanwhile, in Catalonia:

The Tió de Nadal happily defecates nougat and Nintendo Switches into the welcoming hands of children whacking him with sticks.

Meanwhile, in Transylvania:

Santa stood next to the dying Dracula, who hung limply dying on the wall. In the distance, a carol rose up from the distance.

Hail the Heaven-born Prince of Peace! Hail the Sun of Righteousness! Light and life to all He brings, Risen with healing in His wings; Mild He lays His glory by Born that man no more may die Born to raise the sons of earth Born to give them second birth

“Listen to them, Vlad,” said the Santa as the sun began to rise fully over the snowy peaks of Transylvania. “Children of the light. What music they make.”

Dracula’s eyes went wide, as the source of centuries of fear, at last, knew fear himself. Silently, dispassionately, the Santa drove the sharpened tip of his crozier through Dracula’s heart. As Dracula turned to dust, he breathed his last breath: a green, bat-shaped cloud of vampire bacteria.

THE END

....OR IS IT????

*****

The child beamed, proud of her story.

The tutor was not impressed. “What.”

“What what?”

“What was that cloud of stuff flying out of Dracula's mouth at the end?”

The child explained, glad to finally be the one speaking down to a knowledgeless fool in need of instruction for a change, “It's the Dracula virus! See, to continue on with undeath even after death, the viral vampirism that caused Dracula in the first place--”

The tutor cut his student off mid-sentence. “VAMPIRISM ISN'T A VIRUS.  That is stupid!  It is enormously stupid!” He got to his feet, dumping a stack of math papers to the floor. “And Santa-Bots! Santa at the South Pole! The Krampus in a suit! Those moderately racist Santas at the end!” He grabbed at his hair as if it was the only way to anchor his sanity. “And don’t think making your story a pseudo-sequel to mine endears it in any way! This story is NON-CANONICAL.” He stormed out of the room, seemingly forgetting his grading duties or even what planet he was on. As he walked out the front door and toward his car, shouts of “NON-CANON” could be heard with each step, and, in fact, for the first several miles of his drive away.

Anyway, that’s how the child got to see the last half of the Shelfy Elf Christmas special. Mele Kalikimaka, everybody.

[wickytwack]

via Geekologie - Gadgets, Gizmos, and Awesome

[ownerzero]

Snow Globe Features Flying Bats

Best-ever snow globe, bought in Castle Dracula (Bran Castle) in Transylvania. pic.twitter.com/c5dvout8Y6 — Christopher Fowler (@Peculiar) September 27, 2019 At Bran Castle in Romania, the gift shop sells a souvenir snow globe that has bats swirling around instead of snow! Unfortunately, the gift shop is not online. A commenter pointed out that you can make […]

The post Snow Globe Features Flying Bats appeared first on AWorkstation.com.

source https://aworkstation.com/snow-globe-features-flying-bats/

[lindyhunt]

The 12 Travel Destinations That Will Take Over Your Instagram Feeds in 2019

In our Winter issue, FASHION editors rounded up the 100 people, products and experiences we think will blow up in 2019. It’s our inaugural Hot 100 Fuse List. From the workouts you’ll be doing, to the new designers and artists you’ll see on your feed, this is your guide to being in the know this year. It’s time to go big, not home. Here are our top 12 on-the-cusp-of-greatness destinations that will be taking over your Discover feed.

Photography courtesy of tourism santa fe

52: Santa Fe, New Mexico

Visit in: Summer

Eat: For a cozy and casual vibe, check out the “good energy” and comfort food at Teahouse, tucked away from the Plaza, on Canyon Road’s gallery row. Sitting on its patio will make you feel like you’re in a tree house under the stars.

Judging from the gift shops in Albuquerque, N.M., you’d think Breaking Bad was the biggest thing to happen here—ever. But head 90 minutes northeast to Santa Fe and you’ll find wide open spaces, Georgia O’Keeffe-famous skies and deep Indigenous traditions. The town appears like a mirage in the desert, with its low-rise terracotta-coloured buildings made of adobe bricks. Coach’s Stuart Vevers referenced Santa Fe in his Spring 2019 collection. Tom Ford keeps a ranch (nearly one-and-a-half times the size of Manhattan) nearby.

Visit in August, when the city of 80,000 pulls out all the stops for the Santa Fe Indian Market, where more than 1,200 Indigenous artisans from across North America set up shop in the city’s historic Plaza. Play “spot the local,” searching for collectors clad in elaborate turquoise necklaces and rings in the Native American style. Fashion design is a growing draw at the market, with tickets to the fashion show consistently selling out. But our favourite event was the Native American Clothing Contest, which showcases bygone traditional dress from various Indigenous communities. It’s a fascinating visual reminder of the multitude of tribes that today’s Indigenous people descend from. –Jacquelyn Francis

Photography courtesy of Jackson Hole Mountain Resort

53: Jackson Hole, Wyoming

Visit in: Winter

Drink: Since 1937, The Million Dollar Cowboy Bar has been propping up the town square with its Vegas-style neon, local craft beer and big steaks.

Wyoming is fast becoming the new Colorado, as Jackson Hole Mountain Resort lures visitors with its 1,010 hectares of skiing and record-breaking powder. (Last year’s snowfall exceeded 1,270 centimetres.) Aerial tram Big Red has become an icon, able to hoist 100 people to the top of Rendezvous Mountain in just 12 minutes. –Doug Wallace

Photography via iStock

54: Munich, Germany

Visit in: Winter

Drink: Head to the legendary beer gardens at the Chinesischer Turm Restaurant & Biergarten, a must-visit spot in the massive Englischer Garten Park.

Berlin may steal the show as Europe’s edgiest city, but Munich has its own charm. There’s the famously raucous Oktoberfest, a massive annual party where revellers guzzle about 6.9 million litres of beer. Things are a little more refined in late November, when it transforms into a winter wonderland for its Christmas market (Weihnachtsmärkten). –Caitlin Agnew

Photography via iStock

55: Nagano, Japan

Visit in: Winter

Eat: When you’re done shredding the slopes, warm up with a cup of heated sake and a hearty bowl of hotpot at Sumo Nabe.

In the winter, if you take a nap on the 80-minute train ride from Tokyo to Nagano, you’ll wake up, look out the window and think you’ve travelled into a snow globe. But don’t stop here. Grab a ride 50 kilometres north to Nozawa Onsen, a sleepy Japanese ski village famous for its hot springs and premium powder. –Meghan McKenna

Photography courtesy of Silversands Grenada

56: Grenada, West Indies

Visit in: Winter

Stay: Silversands Grenada on Grand Anse beach offers unhurried luxury, lots of blond wood and, at 100 metres, the longest swimming pool in the Caribbean.

The southern Caribbean tri-island destination of Grenada, Carriacou and Petite Martinique is trending for its off-the-radar peace and quiet. Known as the “Spice Island”—nutmeg, cinnamon, cloves, ginger and turmeric can be found here—Grenada has 49 white-sand beaches and more than 30 scuba diving sites (including an underwater sculpture park) plus the best organic tree-to-bar chocolate. –Doug Wallace

Photography courtesy Kochi Biennale Foundation

57: Kochi, India

Visit in: Winter

Eat: Try the Taj Malabar Resort & Spa’s Rice Boat restaurant for your choice of Karimeen fish, crab, squid or langouste—all grilled to order.

The Kochi-Muziris Biennale, an international contemporary art exhibition held every two years in the southwestern Indian city of Kochi, attracts, on average, over 600,000 people for installations and performances by more than 80 national and international artists. Follow its map on foot or by auto rickshaw to explore this former Portuguese trading outpost. –Shalini Roy

Photography via Istock

58: Wales, United Kingdom

Visit in: Spring

Stay: The Harbourmaster Hotel in the sleepy coastal town of Aberaeron oozes comfort from every corner of its 13 seaside-chic rooms.

If a U.K. road-trip piques your interest, consider visiting Wales, where the highways are less crowded (good if you’re new to driving on the “wrong” side of the road). The window for sighting bottlenose dolphins, harbour porpoises and Atlantic grey seals in Cardigan Bay is at its best between June and October. There are also about 600 castles. –Doug Wallace

Photography courtesy of visitnorway.com

59: Tromsø, Norway

Visit in: Spring

Try: If you’re craving darkness, catch historical or contemporary flicks at Verdensteatret Cinematek, Norway’s oldest municipal cinema, while fuelling up on coffee and modern art at its funky in-house café bar.

Thanks to its location (roughly 400 kilometres north of the Arctic Circle and a short two-hour flight from Oslo) and the midnight sun, midsummer is when this cool island city shines. Twenty-four hours of sunlight means late nights don’t seem that late, which works out perfectly if you’re at Bukta, a three-day (and all-night) rock-music festival. Bang out to the best bands from Norway while sipping craft beer from Mack Microbrewery. –Emma Yardley

Photography via Instagram/@SweetandTastyTV

60: Boryeong, South Korea

Visit in: Summer

Stay: Enter recovery and rest mode at the aptly named Hotel Mudrin, where spacious rooms offer sprawling views of Daecheon Beach and respite from its muddy action.

More than 50 shades of grey are flung around at the Boryeong Mud Festival every July on Daecheon Beach in Boryeong. When it launched in 1998, it was to celebrate the health benefits of its mud, but it has transformed into one of the most outrageous bucket-list festivals in the world. Participants slide, wrestle and swim in mud while others party at performances by K-pop acts. –Tiffany Leigh

Photography courtesy of singapore tourism board

61: Singapore

Visit in: Fall

Drink: At Tippling Club, each item on the drink menu includes a picture of the gummy bear that inspired it; before ordering, you can taste-test actual gummy bears to help you make your decision.

On your way to Hong Kong, Tokyo or Sydney? Consider adding Singapore to your itinerary—even if it’s just for the cinema-tourism factor, trending thanks to Crazy Rich Asians. This island-city-state is unique for its melting-pot culture and Modern Singaporean cuisine. Bonus: Six bars made the 2017 World’s 50 Best Bars list. –Doug Wallace

Photography via Istock

62: Ucluelet, B.C.

Visit in: Fall

Stay: Wya Point Resort is a Ucluelet First Nation-owned property that offers camping, yurts or luxury lodges across 240 hectares of private beaches and old-growth rainforest.

If B.C. towns planted along the Pacific Ocean were characters from The Brady Bunch, Ucluelet might be Jan. She’s long been overlooked for sister city Tofino 35 minutes down the road, but that could be changing. Less busy but blessed with similar good looks, Ucluelet has her own surf spots nearby (Florencia Bay, Wickaninnish Beach) and picture-postcard trails. –Joy Pecknold

Photography via Istock

63: Sighișoara, Romania

Visit in: Fall

Stay: Hotel Sighișoara, which housed nobility for centuries, is now a comfortable inn where no two rooms are the same.

You’d think that the birthplace of Count Dracula (or at least Vlad the Impaler, the man he’s thought to be based on) would be full of creepy alleyways and dark corners. Instead, Sighișoara is colourful and utterly charming. Not much has changed since the 1100s, when the Saxons built Sighișoara Citadel. –Emma Yardley

[jessicakehoe]

The 12 Travel Destinations That Will Take Over Your Instagram Feeds in 2019

In our Winter issue, FASHION editors rounded up the 100 people, products and experiences we think will blow up in 2019. It’s our inaugural Hot 100 Fuse List. From the workouts you’ll be doing, to the new designers and artists you’ll see on your feed, this is your guide to being in the know this year. It’s time to go big, not home. Here are our top 12 on-the-cusp-of-greatness destinations that will be taking over your Discover feed.

Photography courtesy of tourism santa fe

52: Santa Fe, New Mexico

Visit in: Summer

Eat: For a cozy and casual vibe, check out the “good energy” and comfort food at Teahouse, tucked away from the Plaza, on Canyon Road’s gallery row. Sitting on its patio will make you feel like you’re in a tree house under the stars.

Judging from the gift shops in Albuquerque, N.M., you’d think Breaking Bad was the biggest thing to happen here—ever. But head 90 minutes northeast to Santa Fe and you’ll find wide open spaces, Georgia O’Keeffe-famous skies and deep Indigenous traditions. The town appears like a mirage in the desert, with its low-rise terracotta-coloured buildings made of adobe bricks. Coach’s Stuart Vevers referenced Santa Fe in his Spring 2019 collection. Tom Ford keeps a ranch (nearly one-and-a-half times the size of Manhattan) nearby.

Visit in August, when the city of 80,000 pulls out all the stops for the Santa Fe Indian Market, where more than 1,200 Indigenous artisans from across North America set up shop in the city’s historic Plaza. Play “spot the local,” searching for collectors clad in elaborate turquoise necklaces and rings in the Native American style. Fashion design is a growing draw at the market, with tickets to the fashion show consistently selling out. But our favourite event was the Native American Clothing Contest, which showcases bygone traditional dress from various Indigenous communities. It’s a fascinating visual reminder of the multitude of tribes that today’s Indigenous people descend from. –Jacquelyn Francis

Photography courtesy of Jackson Hole Mountain Resort

53: Jackson Hole, Wyoming

Visit in: Winter

Drink: Since 1937, The Million Dollar Cowboy Bar has been propping up the town square with its Vegas-style neon, local craft beer and big steaks.

Wyoming is fast becoming the new Colorado, as Jackson Hole Mountain Resort lures visitors with its 1,010 hectares of skiing and record-breaking powder. (Last year’s snowfall exceeded 1,270 centimetres.) Aerial tram Big Red has become an icon, able to hoist 100 people to the top of Rendezvous Mountain in just 12 minutes. –Doug Wallace

Photography via iStock

54: Munich, Germany

Visit in: Winter

Drink: Head to the legendary beer gardens at the Chinesischer Turm Restaurant & Biergarten, a must-visit spot in the massive Englischer Garten Park.

Berlin may steal the show as Europe’s edgiest city, but Munich has its own charm. There’s the famously raucous Oktoberfest, a massive annual party where revellers guzzle about 6.9 million litres of beer. Things are a little more refined in late November, when it transforms into a winter wonderland for its Christmas market (Weihnachtsmärkten). –Caitlin Agnew

Photography via iStock

55: Nagano, Japan

Visit in: Winter

Eat: When you’re done shredding the slopes, warm up with a cup of heated sake and a hearty bowl of hotpot at Sumo Nabe.

In the winter, if you take a nap on the 80-minute train ride from Tokyo to Nagano, you’ll wake up, look out the window and think you’ve travelled into a snow globe. But don’t stop here. Grab a ride 50 kilometres north to Nozawa Onsen, a sleepy Japanese ski village famous for its hot springs and premium powder. –Meghan McKenna

Photography courtesy of Silversands Grenada

56: Grenada, West Indies

Visit in: Winter

Stay: Silversands Grenada on Grand Anse beach offers unhurried luxury, lots of blond wood and, at 100 metres, the longest swimming pool in the Caribbean.

The southern Caribbean tri-island destination of Grenada, Carriacou and Petite Martinique is trending for its off-the-radar peace and quiet. Known as the “Spice Island”—nutmeg, cinnamon, cloves, ginger and turmeric can be found here—Grenada has 49 white-sand beaches and more than 30 scuba diving sites (including an underwater sculpture park) plus the best organic tree-to-bar chocolate. –Doug Wallace

Photography courtesy Kochi Biennale Foundation

57: Kochi, India

Visit in: Winter

Eat: Try the Taj Malabar Resort & Spa’s Rice Boat restaurant for your choice of Karimeen fish, crab, squid or langouste—all grilled to order.

The Kochi-Muziris Biennale, an international contemporary art exhibition held every two years in the southwestern Indian city of Kochi, attracts, on average, over 600,000 people for installations and performances by more than 80 national and international artists. Follow its map on foot or by auto rickshaw to explore this former Portuguese trading outpost. –Shalini Roy

Photography via Istock

58: Wales, United Kingdom

Visit in: Spring

Stay: The Harbourmaster Hotel in the sleepy coastal town of Aberaeron oozes comfort from every corner of its 13 seaside-chic rooms.

If a U.K. road-trip piques your interest, consider visiting Wales, where the highways are less crowded (good if you’re new to driving on the “wrong” side of the road). The window for sighting bottlenose dolphins, harbour porpoises and Atlantic grey seals in Cardigan Bay is at its best between June and October. There are also about 600 castles. –Doug Wallace

Photography courtesy of visitnorway.com

59: Tromsø, Norway

Visit in: Spring

Try: If you’re craving darkness, catch historical or contemporary flicks at Verdensteatret Cinematek, Norway’s oldest municipal cinema, while fuelling up on coffee and modern art at its funky in-house café bar.

Thanks to its location (roughly 400 kilometres north of the Arctic Circle and a short two-hour flight from Oslo) and the midnight sun, midsummer is when this cool island city shines. Twenty-four hours of sunlight means late nights don’t seem that late, which works out perfectly if you’re at Bukta, a three-day (and all-night) rock-music festival. Bang out to the best bands from Norway while sipping craft beer from Mack Microbrewery. –Emma Yardley

Photography via Instagram/@SweetandTastyTV

60: Boryeong, South Korea

Visit in: Summer

Stay: Enter recovery and rest mode at the aptly named Hotel Mudrin, where spacious rooms offer sprawling views of Daecheon Beach and respite from its muddy action.

More than 50 shades of grey are flung around at the Boryeong Mud Festival every July on Daecheon Beach in Boryeong. When it launched in 1998, it was to celebrate the health benefits of its mud, but it has transformed into one of the most outrageous bucket-list festivals in the world. Participants slide, wrestle and swim in mud while others party at performances by K-pop acts. –Tiffany Leigh

Photography courtesy of singapore tourism board

61: Singapore

Visit in: Fall

Drink: At Tippling Club, each item on the drink menu includes a picture of the gummy bear that inspired it; before ordering, you can taste-test actual gummy bears to help you make your decision.

On your way to Hong Kong, Tokyo or Sydney? Consider adding Singapore to your itinerary—even if it’s just for the cinema-tourism factor, trending thanks to Crazy Rich Asians. This island-city-state is unique for its melting-pot culture and Modern Singaporean cuisine. Bonus: Six bars made the 2017 World’s 50 Best Bars list. –Doug Wallace

Photography via Istock

62: Ucluelet, B.C.

Visit in: Fall

Stay: Wya Point Resort is a Ucluelet First Nation-owned property that offers camping, yurts or luxury lodges across 240 hectares of private beaches and old-growth rainforest.

If B.C. towns planted along the Pacific Ocean were characters from The Brady Bunch, Ucluelet might be Jan. She’s long been overlooked for sister city Tofino 35 minutes down the road, but that could be changing. Less busy but blessed with similar good looks, Ucluelet has her own surf spots nearby (Florencia Bay, Wickaninnish Beach) and picture-postcard trails. –Joy Pecknold

Photography via Istock

63: Sighișoara, Romania

Visit in: Fall

Stay: Hotel Sighișoara, which housed nobility for centuries, is now a comfortable inn where no two rooms are the same.

You’d think that the birthplace of Count Dracula (or at least Vlad the Impaler, the man he’s thought to be based on) would be full of creepy alleyways and dark corners. Instead, Sighișoara is colourful and utterly charming. Not much has changed since the 1100s, when the Saxons built Sighișoara Citadel. –Emma Yardley

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