#doom legacy of suffering

[m39]

Doom WADs’ Roulette (2009): Legacy of Suffering

Hey, kids. Ya wanna play some Deum 3 on Doom 2?

…

Okay, it’s not really Doom 3, but… eh… that will do.

G5: Legacy of Suffering

Main author(s): Logan MTM

Release date: November 28th, 2009 (original release)

Version(s) played: updated

Required port compatibility: GZDoom

Levels: 10 (8 regular ones, 1 post-credits and something called LOSINV01)

Now here is something weird from Brazil – Legacy of Suffering, AKA another one of those WADs that released its first part, and nothing else after promising more. In the case of this stillborn WAD series, we also have mixing original Doom games with elements of Doom 3. That, and the shotgun with four barrels (I’ll get to that in the longer moment).

This project started as a combination of two old projects, one from 2006 by Logan himself and 2007’s Dark Base by Maurício Rocks. The plot was different from what we got, there was supposed to be more artwork and even some 3D stuff; so basically, typical stuff that was changed in production.

The plot, meanwhile, happening right after Doom 3, focuses on a super soldier bloke, who got arrested because he was going insane, is now on a moon base, and that base ends up attacked by demons.

Since we will be tackling one of those ZDoom WADs that likes to use a huge chunk of the source port’s features (you know, those smelly wankers), I can only hope that it won’t annoy me as much as many others before it. Let’s take a look.

Disclaimer: Review based on two playthroughs without secret hunting.

You know how Doom 3 was around 75% walking through some dark tech base with occasional trips outside and in hell? Well, in this WAD, it’s, without counting the post-credits map along with taking place on the Moon instead of Mars, always walking through some tech base crap, except it doesn’t feel as dark as the original release of Doom 3.

That doesn’t mean the base looks bad; it looks good, and it has some nice details here and there, I especially like the sixth act with a monorail. I just wish it had more map styles.

The music is… good, I guess? I recognized tracks from Painkiller (I need to replay that game one day) and the remix of Sign of Evil at Act VIII fits like a glove; I just wish it wasn’t that loud (turn down the music volume just in case). Also, and it’s a more personal problem, I listened to so many great MIDIs from the past and future WADs that listening to the music with actual instruments in Classic Doom mods feels off. It doesn’t boil my blood as much as MIDIs.

The design of the levels doesn’t really feel that complicated. Even though the automap doesn’t show the layout (yep, it’s one of those), it was still a far cry from some of the bigger moon-logic crap I’ve played. I still recommend using IDDT on the map (at least on your second playthrough); I don’t think there is a shame in doing that in cases like this.

Our protagonist has regenerating health, so if you want to, you can wait in the corner like it’s another Gears of War or Call of Duty to come back to full health (although it’s kind of slow). I don’t really mind it.

I feel like the ZDoom cutscenes might be the least obnoxious ones I have experienced in ZDoom WADs. Sure, there are moments where it takes control out of you, but these are rather short, there is no annoying, pretentious dialogue, and most of the time, these are rather dynamic; they actually show stuff. You can even outright skip some of the longer cutscenes. It’s like the cutscenes evolved into being passable at worst, and if they are worse, then they almost evolved into this state.

As I mentioned earlier, there is a secret map that you can play after the credits roll. It’s good, I guess? It kind of reminded me of the first trip to hell in Doom 3 (maybe it inspired that map).

Despite its name, Legacy of Suffering won’t really let you suffer with its difficulty. It is challenging, don’t get me wrong (mostly because projectiles are now faster -_-), but it’s not really a ball buster.

It gets interesting since the enemies have some new moves on their sleeves. Shotgunners and Chaingunners can now dash-attack after being hurt (luckily, the latter start firing much later), Pinkies barely feel pain and have a chance to ram at you (spectres don’t get these bonuses), Revenants fire two missiles instead of one (and can fire after throwing a punch), Barons have a chance to shoot three fireballs instead of one, Arachnotrons drop cells after they completely disappear (like all of the other demons), and Lost Souls have reduced health (and new, more annoying sound effects).

The WAD also adds three new enemies to the roster. One is the regular mob – Super Shotgunner, wielding its namesake and having more health than any other zombie (from what I’ve experienced).

The other two enemies are bosses; there is a super Hoovy that has an upgraded chaingun that occasionally fires rockets as well. The other is called Shadow Guardian, which is basically a digitalized Hell Knight from Doom 3, that can be only hurt by plasma, and fires a deadly AOE attack after getting hurt.

Typically for such WADs, you also get new weapons. I mentioned a shotgun with four barrels at the beginning of the review, and that’s what the cannon shotgun is. You can fire from one barrel or from all four at once with the alt-fire; it is also the only weapon that requires manual reloading.

The second new weapon is launcher chaingun (or what the fuck is it called), which you steal from the uber Hoovy. It’s basically a chaingun on steroids with a small rocket launcher attached to it.

Like the old enemies, the old weapons get some changes. You reload the super shotgun slightly faster; there is a small delay before the regular chaingun starts firing; you punch faster but weaker (you can also kick); you can swing your chainsaw now with the alt-fire; and the plasma gun now fires a blue BFG ball with the alt.

Legacy of Suffering is an interesting specimen. Out of all of the ZDoom WADs from the 2000s that sacrifice the fun and gameplay to focus more on the source port’s features, this one feels like it could age the least poorly.

Do I still recommend it? Kind of? It’s worth taking a look at it but not for more than one or two playthroughs at once.

The next WAD on the list is an interesting case since it requires Skulltag to play. I’ll see what I can do with it. If the first map breaks down, I’ll let you know and probably cancel the review of the next WAD.

We will see.

[jazforthesoul]

EPIC PRO TIP!!

IF YOU DO NOT WATCH ANY EPISODE OF JRWI RIPTIDE YOU CANNOT BE HURT !!! DO NOT !!!

[dailyadventureprompts]

Villain: The Lauding Worm

Born of hubris and old glories gone rotten, this pallid demon of pride exists to parasite those that consider themselves great; Lurking in the walls of their ancestral estates, whispering in their ear, bloating along with their egos, inevitably driving them to cruelty and ruin as it's appetite and expectations grow ever larger.

Adventure Hooks:

The party are travelling through the wilderness when they encounter a richly attired knight exhausted and on the edge of collapse. After helping her recover, she shares that she is part of a noble family renowned for their legacy of dragonhunting, a life threatening challenge she must exceed if she is to honour her family and claim her inheritance. The expectation of this great and dangerous deed has worn heavy on her shoulders all her life, and has become all too literal now that the demon has invisibly coiled about her neck. Fresh off it's latest incarnation, the Lauding worm is small for the moment, feeding off the knight as she destroys herself for the sake of legacy and will not allow her to be dissuaded from her doomed quest. It may infulence the party to join her however, seeing the potential for gorging on greater glory should the dragon slaying succeed. It the aftermath of the battle, or perhaps some weeks later, the Lauding worm will convince the dragonslaying knight that the great do not share their glory, and that she must eliminate the party so they do not tell of her weakness in needing aid, or her shame in not striking the final blow.

Something is wrong with the king, and the whole realm suffers for it. Obsessed with building expansions to his palace he neglects the welfare of his realm and the stability of his court to empty the treasury into ever more elaborate construction. Brigands run wild, his underlings scheme and attempt to seize each other's territory, and all the while the king pours over the plans of his architects and demands they build more. The Lauding worm has gotten to him, it lives and grows in the castle walls, and the more the king builds the bigger it gets. The servants whisper of rumbling behind the walls, and though it is excused as the byproduct of the constant renovations, it's only a matter of time before the demon's growth exceeds what can be constructed and it breaks free to rampage across the land.

The Lauding Worm has a special reward for those who feed it best, realized only in the rare times it grows bored of gorging itself on the pride of others and seeks to enact its own ambitions. Taking the guise of a mortal necromancer it raises it's favoured hosts from their graves and turns their talents towards Conquest.

Artsource

[hamletthedane]

Falling deeper into obsession over the parallels between Hamlet and Juliet’s characters, and how both plays are ultimately about children playing out their parents’ revenge fantasies. Protagonists placed in the position of puppets who only exist to further the ends of others.

The revenge of their stories is not their own. They did not cause the problems that they now suffer for. And somehow they ended up as the protagonists to a story already in motion.

But that’s where it gets interesting: they actively CHOOSE to struggle against the legacies and ancient grudges of their parents. The plot is not their own, but they MAKE IT SO.

The story of Hamlet is not that of Othello or Macbeth or Henry V: he is not self-motivated in his revenge, and can only be the passive participant of the inevitable plot (as R&G Are Dead points out to great effect). The things he does don’t ultimately matter: this is his father’s story, and his father’s revenge will occur in one way or another. “The readiness is all…” But he can do something: he can choose to end the story, to accept his fate and refuse to forestall his doom any longer.

The story of Juliet is not that of Rosalind or Merchant’s Portia: her defiance and cleverness, struggling against the edicts of those who raised her to create a renaissance generation, does not result in happy marriages ever-after. She dies trying to change the course of her fate and trying to defy the inevitability of a revenge plot coming to a head. She dies at her own hand, aware that only her and Romeo’s deaths can resolve the story they’re in.

Incredibly, in the inevitably of a narrative set in motion - doomed from the start - there is still an element of choice.

We have two very different characters driven by very different goals but still bound by the contract of their narrative to play out the tragedy. They’re children doomed by their parents and characters doomed by their narrative and stories doomed by the audience’s consumption of them. But what makes Hamlet and Juliet exceptional is their struggle against it. Somehow, in all the chaos and violence of the stage, they gain a small amount of power and control - for just a brief moment, they make decisions that change their story.

(And maybe those changes only work to immediately end their story, but they work nevertheless. In the horrible time-loop of a tragedy narrative, their escape is arguably the ultimate resolution of their character arcs. They “take arms against a sea of troubles/and by opposing, end them” at last)

[captain-hawks]

Dee, I have Thoughts and no one irl to brainrot @ so pls excuse the umpteenth time I am in your notifications this weekend.

Last week I word vomited in your spicy requests about how much TraditionalGarb!Hoshina plagues my thoughts. Well, I went out for dinner and had a few cocktails, and my slightly drunk, pliant mind was churning the entire ride home. [Sober Note: I started this ask right when I got home, and now, having sobered up a bit, holy hell I am sorry for getting lost in the sauce and turning what was supposed to be drunk imagines into something ludicrous. I can't quite bring myself to delete it bc I was clearly so into it, but seriously if this is too long/annoying please just ignore me!]

I'm thinking of a historical period-era AU Hoshina clan. Not too familiar with Japanese history but maybe Edo period, idk about historical accuracy. In my imagines, reader is from a less influential, albeit wealthier clan, has 2 older brothers, and grew up around the Hoshina family from birth. Both their families are preoccupied with the eldest children and their role in continuing the family legacy/business, so their families don't hound them too closely in their childhoods. They're in a rural, countryside part of Japan with plenty of wild grass and flower fields. Soichiro holds all the weight of family expectation so he is more aloof. But Soshiro is allowed more freedom, so when he isn't obsessively training, he is spending time with reader as her closest childhood friend. Meanwhile, reader is trained in all the traditional arts and duties expected of her, but she also has a love for calligraphy (or painting but idk how accurate that is) that she is allowed to cultivate because, again, her parents aren't hounding her too closely. She's fascinated by Soshiro's swordsmanship and makes him show her all the moves he is learning, and in turn, he is enthralled by her knowledge and love of calligraphy and likes to hear her talk about it for hours even if he doesn't quite get it. Because they're in a rural area, they also play outdoors together whenever they can, climbing trees and splashing in the streams, and Soshiro is rough-and-tumble and free around her in ways he can't be at home when he's ceaselessly trying to measure up to and surpass his brother. As they grow older they are naturally forced apart due to expectations of their genders and stations. They still hold onto what they believe is a fondness for their childhood friend, until one day, as the wild wisteria blooms and they see a glimpse of each other after an absence of several months, they both realize that the innocent fondness held in their hearts had taken root long ago and finally bloomed into love.

Unfortunately, in the Edo period, warrior families started to lose their place in this era of newfound peace, and the Hoshinas are forced to worry about their place in this world for the first time. At the same time, reader's clan is struck by tragedy and her 2 older brothers are killed in an accident, leaving a vacuum for the future of the clan. The Hoshina and Reader patriarchs decide on what they believe is a mutually beneficial arrangement: Soichiro and Reader shall join their clans in marriage. Reader's clan benefits from the prestige of the Hoshina name, and the Hoshina clan benefits from the prosperous wealth of her family. As the sole remaining offspring of her clan, she should be honored to be chosen to helm the Hoshina household and bear its heirs.

Ofc Reader is devastated, but she knows that her voice is unimportant and she will forever be doomed to suffer in a life so close to her dreams, but with a cruel twist. She sees Soshiro just once after the engagement announcement, and it is with a too-cheerful mask that he congratulates her on her match, and, in a moment when no one is looking, he slips into her hands a small gift that he had picked up in the capitol on his last trip and had been meaning to give to her: some fine new ink he thought she would love for her calligraphy. He supposes it is an engagement gift now, even if the gift is only really for her.

On the eve of her wedding, she manages to sneak out and find Soshiro. Together, they go to the grassy field of wildflowers by the creek they played in as children. Even though fate is not on their side, it seems the moon has sympathy for them, because it hides behind clouds and conceals their illicit meeting. They're finally able to declare their love for one another in the place where it all began. She tells Soshiro that even though destiny was determined to keep them apart, she wants to know what it is to wholly love and be loved, just once in her life. So under the glow of a thousand fireflies, she undresses Hoshina, gently pulling his kosode apart to reveal his chest. She laughs lightly as she traces his scars-the old and familiar ones from childhood, and the newer ones he has acquired in manhood. She traces the marks she remembers: the dented scar on his shoulder from when he fell out of the cypress tree trying to grab a beetle to impress her when they were five. The patch of slightly uneven skin along his arm from three years later, when he had run after his father's horse in the road and tripped down the hill. The thin, raised slash from when Soichiro had cut him in training at age 11, to teach him a lesson on inferiority. From there, she draws lines to the unfamiliar marks: a puffy patch of new skin from a recent battle wound that has only started to heal, two pigmented gashes where he was gouged in battle last year, a mottled expanse of bruises on his ribs from where he had challenged Soichiro last month, just after the engagement announcement, and had finally shown his brother that his attempted lesson in inferiority had never sunk in.

She says that all these marks tell her a story in the same way a calligrapher's soul is left indelibly in their brushstrokes. She sees a world in his body, and it tells her favorite story. Overwhelmed, Soshiro finally crashes into her and through the flurry of kissing he has her on her back in the grass, slipping her out of her garments. He's mapping his way across her significantly less blemished skin with his lips and tongue, and laments between pants that he will never be able to partake in the story of her body, because she belongs to his brother and he cannot leave his own brushstrokes on the expanse of her skin. Breathless, reader pulls a bottle tucked into her undergarment next to her heart-a vial of the precious ink Soshiro had gifted her. Her wedding is tomorrow-she knows there is no way he can leave any lasting marks on her. But for tonight, she is his and she wants some proof of that, however temporary. So Soshiro dips his finger in the ink and swirls and dips it all over the memories he has buried in his mind: a spot on her neck where a particularly vicious bee had stung her as they chased tadpoles as six-year-olds, a whorl on her shoulder where his ten-year-old head rested as she unrolled endless scrolls to extol the virtues of some long-dead calligrapher, an almost-violent slash just under the swell of her bosom where he had caught her when she had fallen in her attempt to swing his katana at 13.

And as he finally lines up his achingly hard cock and breaches her cunt, as he makes love to her for the first and last time, he grieves for the death of the two stories written here-hers, which will be washed off her body as soon as she returns to her home, and his, which will wither and end without her to trace the patterns and give them the meaning he can never find by himself. [sober note/holy run on sentence batman]

you better believe i'm posting this ask because IT NEEDS TO BE SEEN!!!

MY FRIEND!!!!! i'm on my knees. i'm begging. i'm clawing at the air. i'm frantically waving anything of value that i have in your direction. i implore you to write this because i'm wholly obsessed. a period piece, childhood friends, the arranged marriage, THE YEARNING, THE LOVELY POETRY OF IT ALL EVEN JUST AS A SUMMARIZED VERSION!?!?!?

She says that all these marks tell her a story in the same way a calligrapher's soul is left indelibly in their brushstrokes. She sees a world in his body, and it tells her favorite story.

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

(don't even get me started on him painting on her????? oh my god i'm so unwell. i need one of those fainting couches. i want to CONSUME THISSSSS)

you're a genius. a brilliant wonderful genius.

[navarice]

horror and psychological thriller in tgcf was done so incredibly well that if the beautiful and touching love story wasn’t incorporated into the book, I would be fully convinced mxtx decided to switch to another genre.

no one really talks about her fascination with the descent to madness and the morals surrounding humanity. at least one main character of each book goes through it. for lbh, it stemmed from the fear of abandonment and the emptiness that follows when the people you care most about decide you aren’t worth being chosen. for wwx, it was the outside in. society deemed him a monster so he had no other option available to him. no way to prove them wrong, and no way to convince himself he’s not either. anything he would do, despite his most well meaning, sincere, and self sacrificing motives, will always be twisted by the world who likes to paint others the devil. for xl…it was such a defeating combination of the two that it was near impossible for him find a way out. no family nor friend to turn to, no place to hide or run away, continuously forced to confront dilemmas beyond anyone’s capacity that sawed away at his already frayed sanity. worse was him having to confront godhood doesn’t mean omnipotent, nor does ascension mean free of suffering.

the way i choose to see it as this is her commentary on human nature, in both freedom and fallibility. ascend to heaven as a human, yet those in heaven are still human. wants, desires, fears, traumas, love, hate, selfishness, self-lessness, kindness, compassion, sacrifice, loss, hubris, duty, family, friends, hierarchy, power, and, above all, free will are all things that make humans what they are. are we wwx and xl? sacrificing ourselves time and time again only to have it all thrown back at our face? never once chosen or understood unless when it’s something short of a miracle? or are we the masses? afraid of the sinister, the disease, the wars? afraid for our young and old, for the talented and lame? for our lives and legacy? what are we, if not forever doomed to be helplessly flawed and hopelessly human?

the way she sees it, we have always been, and always be, both sides. because to her, they aren’t mutually exclusive, but rather each reflections of the other. both never wrong, but never quite right either. convoluted and confusing, mundane yet a tale as old as time.

mxtx writes her beautiful loves stories seamlessly. but she displays her talent best of all by weaving tales of hope and humanity into the threads.

[imminent-danger-came]

SWK being so flawed is like one of LMK's strongest bits. I feel like a different show would just have him be infallible or have him be like a twist villain or irredeemable or something. But he's neither of those, he's just incredibly flawed. It's also interesting that even though Mei and Pigsy are critical of him, they're still shown to care about him.

All in all, hes a more complicated character than people give him credit for :/

I 100% agree!

Honestly, if Sun Wukong wasn't flawed I'd find him a bit boring. You remove his flaws and you remove the meat of his character. Even all the way back in season 1 you get the feeling he's withholding information and concealing his past ("Show me the real Sun Wukong! The old you would have leveled this whole mountain range to stop me!"), and that only becomes more and more prevalent as the show goes on.

Wukong is first introduced as a hero, as the King who defended the world from DBK. Next he's introduced as a mentor, planning to make MK his successor (which I think is pretty debatable at this point, as I've said I personally think he just needed an excuse to train MK).

Slowly we learn SWK is pretty terrible at both of those things. He's not the hero or mentor anyone thought he would be—he's not even the mentor he thought he would be:

Macaque: “Haha, you saw a story about a hero who got handed everything, who didn’t have to work for anything, and you thought you were the other guy? The second the hero got real power, he couldn’t care less about his friends.” [ - ] "You know, I meant what I said—you really are a good kid. A good kid, with a really terrible teacher." (2x07 Shadow Play)

-

Pigsy: "Back from what? Your vacation? No- what could have been SO important you'd leave MK alone to face that- that thing! You're supposed to be his mentor!" (2x10 This is the End!)

-

Sun Wukong: "I know I can never make it up to you. Honestly I- I never thought I'd live as long as I have let alone be someone's mentor—turns out I'm not very good at it. I guess what I'm trying to say is, I'm sorry MK, for all of it." (3x14 Destiny Fulfilled)

-

(he's staring sadly at a bowl of soup, never a good sign.)

s1 of Monkie Kid, as well as the Revenge of the Spider Queen special, establish a baseline. We meet Wukong as we're meant to know him—the legendary yet cheeky hero. Now that he's retired, Monkey King is training the next generation to protect the world and be the heroes in his place.

Right?

Well, just like our perception of Wukong, our perception of the role of the hero slowly degrades as well:

Lady Bone Demon: “Heroes? Please, you’re mere agents of chaos, the very thing I aspire to eradicate in this new world. No more destruction, no more disorder, I WILL HAVE PERFECTION.” (3x12 The Corrupted King)

-

Curse MK: "We’re just like Wukong. A fraud! A trickster! Destructive! Why would our legacy be any different? Actually, no no- the chaos and destruction we’ll bring upon the world will make Wukong’s past look like nothing." (4x07 Pitiful Creatures)

-

MK: "That can't be true! Monkey King's a hero he wouldn't just—" Azure Lion: "You saw it with your own eyes! His betrayal, his brutality—he took the only friends I had from me." (4x08 The Brotherhood)

-

Heroes aren't people fighting for the side of good, or even for what they think is right—they're agents of chaos. Destructive. "All doomed to play a role in tearing this world apart." Heroes are introduced as one thing, and then slowly revealed to be another.

Heroes, just like Wukong and anyone else, are flawed. They still make wrong choices. They still hurt people. Of course Wukong isn't a twist villain or irredeemable, because ultimately he IS a hero with plenty of the positive traits that come with that. But heroes are also flawed, and this is something I think is at the core of Lego Monkie Kid.

You can love someone, and that someone can do plenty of good, but that doesn't mean they're not broken, or that they aren't capable of causing suffering. This isn't something that only applies to Wukong either—pick any character and I'm sure you could apply this to them.

Now, all this to say that Wukong's two fatal flaws are his lack of communication and his self-sacrificial tendencies. Like Azure Lion says—he has a habit of keeping people at arms length, and more often than not doing that to protect them. These tendencies lead to his downfall.

So! Let's make some lists of where we see these flaws in the show.

Wukong's lack of Communication:

"Look, I'm going to come clean—um, I've been kind of watching you."

Leaving MK and lying to him during s2 (this includes lying about both going on vacation AND that LBD had returned)

Keeping his plan to stop LBD a secret during s3

"Where I got my staff!" "Got or took, right? You took it?"

Not telling the gang about the 4th ring

Other lies I'm sure have yet to be revealed (such as the truth about MK's origins, if that's the direction the plot's going)

Him and Macaque's past

Wukong's Self-sacrificial tendencies:

Leaving during s2 to find a way to stop LBD on his own

"What!? You're not going I'm going!" "Yeah so, here's the problem, you guys have this thing called mortality, so-"

Gravely injuring himself to get the samadhi fire Map

Blocking the brunt of the samadhi fire to protect MK in 3x10

Originally planning to put the Samadhi Fire in himself

Going off to fight the Lady Bone Demon alone

Protecting MK from the curse in 4x01

(and this post here that travels into theory territory)

Now, most, if not all, of these decisions lead to something bad happening. It's very in line with MK's words in 4x08:

MK: It doesn’t matter if I want to help people or not! Everything I do just- it just makes things worse!”

Wukong, even if he has a very questionable way of going about it, is truly motivated by protecting the people he cares about. However, these choices also hurt those same people. Not to reference samadhi fire Mei another time, but this is EXACTLY what she points out:

Mei: "We trusted you! All of us! How could you lead us into the fight without a real plan? Time and time again I've watched you put MK in danger leaving him to figure out EVERYTHING on his own. Don't you realize you're hurting the people who care about you the most?" (3x10 The Samadhi Fire)

But that's the point, isn't it? Even with all these flaws and after all these mistakes, Wukong still tries (he's very much like Mei in that regard):

Sun Wukong: “Point is, mistakes happen, but so long as you leave the world in better shape than you found it, then it’s all good. Right?” (4x01 Familiar Tales)

-

Sun Wukong: “We can’t change who we were yesterday or in a past life, or a hundred life times ago! We live with the choices we’ve made, for what matter is the choices we make RIGHT NOW! Only we decide who we are and what we do with the power we have.” (4x07 Pitiful Creatures)

-

This is who Wukong is. He's not a hero or a mentor, but he's someone who cares (and maybe that's what a hero is). That's the tragedy of his character, really. That's the tragedy of both him and MK. They're people doing the best with what they have, but still failing anyways.

"Nice hero speech bud, but I know better—deep in your hearts, you don't believe a word of that."

-

But people still love you anyways.

[astrology-bf]

venatposting again

Spoilers for Endwalker under the cut, along with a disclaimer these are my silly thoughts. ❤️

I don't think it's remotely controversial to say that Endwalker's story is about hope. The theme song, Footfalls, has a verse about 'the Song of Hope', the final boss is the incarnation of despair, and the narrative is dominated by the contrast between the side occupied by people like Venat and G'raha Tia - whose arcs are defined by hope in the face of hopeless circumstance - with the side occupied by people like the Ancients and their chief representative within the story, Emet-Selch, who give into despair and end up destroying themselves through recklessness, violence, and apathy. Emet-Selch being the narrator of Endwalker is doubly interesting because despite living a life defined by failing to recognize the value of hope (personified in the figure of Azem, and I would recommend reading @siderealcity 's post about the astrological meaning of Azem being 'the sun' as it relates to the Convocation being their best selves for more on that) Emet-Selch nonetheless kept himself going for more than twelve thousand years by the hope of a return to the World Unsundered. And on that note... about Elpis.

In Greek mythology, 'Elpis' is the personified spirit of hope who - in Hesiod's version at least - is only gifted to humanity after all the other evils contained within Pandora's Box have been unleashed. Evils like...

"...excruciating pain. I breathe fire and torment. I birth a world of suffering to mire and plague. In one fleeting moment, lives come and go. Ever moving towards the unknown. And in that fleeting moment, they cry for the answer to the question: Why, given life, are they meant to suffer? To die?"

By the point at which Venat adopts the mantle of Hydaelyn and sunders Etheirys, the World Unsundered is already doomed. Even if the plan involving Zodiark succeeded as intended, all that would result is Etheirys ending up on an identical course to the Nibirun as seen in the Dead Ends - the society which ended with their best and brightest raising their arms to summon a deity who would lull their planet into a painless suicide. The comparison is cinematically explicit, too:

As is the point at which the Nibirun are first referenced, and Venat realizes the Ancients are already on a suicidal course:

Another thing which tends to get overlooked is the fact that the World Unsundered, on top of being a conformist dystopia based on a disregard for the value of life, had not only suicidally failed by the point we as the Warrior of Light see it - it had failed so monumentally as to nearly be responsible for the termination of life in the known universe. The Ancients are what produced someone like Hermes and then put him in a position where he was able to create a concept like Meteion, and then further put her into a position where her instinctive response was to initiate the Final Days. None of that would have happened in a society which could give people like Hermes meaning, nor one which actually treated their creations (i.e. their children) well and would have objected to the circumstances surrounding Meteion's creation and mission.

Of course what Venat did was a massive crime in the sense of the suffering it engendered and all of the history and legacy it ended up destroying, but it's an ethical problem which the narrative firmly weights in her favor. She's a lapsarian figure in the sense of being someone who facilitates humanity's fall from paradise; but (arguably) unlike Lucifer within Paradise Los, Endwalker makes the explicit case of the necessity of the fall, for sin, for humanity to be human. Compare "sin" with "fantasy":

Endwalker isn't just a story that tells its readers to hope, but also one that uses its time to tell us why it's important to do so. More than that, it reminds us that true happiness involves cognizance of the needs of others, and of the world.

Easy paths to "paradise" like hedonism (Eulmore, Allag) or fascism (Garlemald, Alexandria) don't offer real happiness because they only externalize the costs and the suffering - much as the Ancients did to Etheirys and the universe at large through Zodiark and Meteion. True happiness, within the MSQ, is found when parties reckon with their differences and come to terms as the Eorzean city-states do with folk they call beast tribes, and even after Endwalker as we see with the lessons being reiterated in Dawntrail.

Reckoning with differences invariably involves struggle, and getting through struggle requires hope: meaningful happiness, then, is one that is earned by walking towards even if the path is sometimes rocky, and after a certain point questions about the 'why' of suffering become unproductive. What Venat offered was true paradise: not "heaven", but the realization that facing life and its difficulties is in fact worth it, even if hellish within one's own mind.

You could say she rejected Zodiark's instrumentality, lol.

[shakedowndreams]

If you have been a fan of Babish Culinary Universe/Binging with Babish/whatever you want to call it for any amount of time now and just heard about him supporting the TERF Wizard Blood Libel Simulator Hogwarts Legacy, and are, reasonably, displeased and disappointed, PLEASE DO NOT:

- Click on the video to do whatever (dislike, comment, etc) if you found out the news through outside sources. This just gives him more views.

- Preferably, if you've clicked on it as a frequent viewer of the channel, and didn't expect to see that as a sponsor, do not watch any more of the video. YouTube has statistics for the average start and end times of viewers, the team will definitely know somethings up if a large portion of viewers just. Stop watching a few seconds in. You can dislike if you want, of course this hardly does anything unless people have plugins on their browser or use Vanced, but if you're already there pressing the..largely useless button is fine.

- Please refrain from commenting, at least more than once. Don't reply to anyone. This boosts it. Also, for your own health, don't doom scroll the comments. Babish's page has become a safe haven for bigots and TERFs who like to reply to like every comment telling people shitty, nasty, transphobic things. It's not fun, and it will hurt. Just don't look.

It's a really shitty scenario, yes, but we should do what we can to avoid boosting it any further than it already will be simply because of the popular subject (The Full English breakfast) and the amount of bigots flooding in to "support" Babish. It's hard, but we just need to accept that we lost one.

Other channels to watch (from my own subscription list);

- Adam Ragusea (he's just released a podcast where he stands firmly against Rowling)

- JunsKitchen

- Nino's Home (this one and imamu room don't have any real talking in them, just subtitles, but they are cozy)

- You Suck at Cooking

- imamu room

- Life of Boris (channel currently suffering and inactive, but a sizable backlog of easy to make recipe videos.)

- Atomic Shrimp (he also Scambaits!)

- J Kenji Lopez Alt

- Cooking Haru (ty @eganov I knew I was forgetting someone)

- How to Drink (more closer to Babish humour, but only does bartending/drink vids)

- Tasting History with Max Miller

- delicious day (like imamu room, Nino's Home, and Cooking Haru)

- 효뎡 Dyeong (more of a vlog, but still plenty of cozy recipes and cooking!)

-more to be added

[accordingtolauren]

Is there beauty in the pain, or pain in the beauty?

It frightens me to think of how all of the pain I feel is my own

Isolated and harbored by a body at war with my conscience

Obsessed for control with a bloodthirsty grip

A Roman legacy on the brink of its collapse

Unaware of how its fear of otherworldly matters, shadowed and godly, has turned its Midas touch into a clouded curse emitted from marble fingertips

I desire to be at home within my own beauty

I plead to not stray from this womanhood, this malediction of fractured femininity that I was forced to swear an oath to upon bruised knees

Involuntarily, and with sobs scratching at my throat, unable to escape from my sewn lips

Oh, to find solace in the skin I have worn since leaving my deliverer bloodied and torn

We as children have caused such pain from before our first breath, an incomprehensible agony possessed only by our mothers

Especially for a daughter's mirrored image that brought forth suffering to their creator, worsening the hell induced from swollen hips

As if to damn their maker for their future, a future of drowning within a belligerent girlhood for eternity

Is this why my own mother shared such unkind words, such envy for my youth?

Given I stole hers and morphed it into my own, a borrowed charm?

I am a constant stain upon her timeline, a ceaseless reminder of that horrific beauty only innocence can offer

I desire the wrinkles that kiss the corner's of her eyes and the death of my blooming

As maturity washes away the great expectations of reddened cheeks, that adolescent glow

I wish for that simplicity depicted in pastel oil paintings:

Of curved nymphs, frolicking lonesome through greenery, rid of materialistic belongings and unashamed by their own enchantment, their own allure

Did they too have this collective affliction, so similar yet remaining unspoken?

A roaring conflict shared between a mother and daughter, the figures of a fleeting past and the damning future?

I am ashamed of my longing for pain only nursed by beauty, to be an object of lust, of an aching hunger

And yet to also be seen, truly actualized as more than a body; a tool for mankind and their preconceived notions of rough, tortuous love

If I am doomed to bring another daughter into this life

I pray that through the pain she brings she also bestows a certain peace within my own being

A piece of solace, for that with her arrival, my own salvation shall be born

A freedom from that vicious cycle: loathing your own womanly framework and appreciating the wonder and existence it can prosper

A new life devoid of presumptions, of needless worries for what other's may think

An actual life: A devotion to breathing in spring's fresh evening air, to a guiltless independence fostered from confident hands, to being more than someone's wife, mother, daughter

To being just another person sitting upon a front porch and watching that little girl frolic through the grass, the greenery

Flowers in her hair and mud upon her knees

Carefree and hungry for learning more than what may be expected, what has been etched in the margins of an outdated manuscript

We will happily share that stolen beauty, and I will wear my gracing age as an honor

For I shall revere her for carrying on the parts of me that are far more important than illustrious ornaments

As she may break that curse, those afflictions, and see that there might be a blessing in the pain

For it has brought forth a life of endless possibilities

-lauren a.p

[thesunfyre4446]

Everyone talks too much about how Rhaenyra's bloodline that survive and stayed with the throne, but little the peaple talk about how much shit her line did, they did had some good kings(I think?) But some of them were the worst. Her own grandson, Aegon IV that legitimized all of his bastards and because of this 5 Blackfyre rebellions happened.

And while I was writting this, I noticed tyhat Rhaenyra had 4 granddaughters and 2 of them are just like her, having bastards, one with the cousin who was married with his own sister (her cousin), who didn’t like the marriage and suffered because of him and she was like:"you already have a terrible marriage, I'll just make it worse and I won’t care about you at all" (Naerys deserved a lot better, Daena was a little shit doing this with her) and the other with her own aunt husband (I really wanted to know Baela's reaction of this)

haha lol yeah some of her descendances were def evil & insane & ruined westeros

mm well naerys seems to just want aegon to leave her alone so i don't think she was very uspet about her husband having an affair, and aegon prob took advantage of daena's imprisonment (i've been planning to write an aegon-naerys-aemon analysis) and i actually really like elaena! she's really cool! alyn velaryon is actually the worst and i hate him so much. baela's story is so tragic - she was doomed to live her grandmother's wife - being the "queen who never was", married to an ambitious man who cheated on her, lady of driftmark...

i think that the most important thing about rhaenyra's bloodline is viserys ii inheriting the throne over daena. rhaenyra's own son cementing the "son before daughters & uncle before daughters" precedence is very ironic and symbolic. her descendants had absolutely no interest in honoring her legacy & the reason their family died. they didn't care. they literally have another civil war 2 generations later.

[fate-motif]

i’ll finish this little detour into hell i took by making a crusher brothers fic with a retrospective.

so jack crusher jr. has all the hallmarks of a mary sue. he’s a handsome, cheeky, scrappy, english pretty boy, the children of two beloved characters for the franchise, who’s also inherited some gnarly dark side powers that reveal deep emotional wounds within. he ends up nearly dooming the franchise, causing millions of deaths, and not only does he not face consequences, we’re implicitly told his parents greased the wheels for him to move up the ladder until in one year he’s made to ensign on the federation flagship. opinion’s pretty split on him, from what i can see. it depends on whether or not you liked the season. if you didn’t, especially because you could saw it as a pretty lame attempt at glorifying the good old days, chances are you think jack fucking sucks. that’s me, actually. i think jack fucking sucks. which is interesting, because i didn’t hate him at first. but let’s leave jack aside for the moment.

wesley crusher also has all the hallmarks of a mary sue. he’s a handsome, sweet, lovable pretty boy, a child genius who gets to have unwarranted access to work on a starship for no reason except that the captain is close friends with his mother and they have it on good authority that wesley is super special and needs to be nurtured. his antics were not as catastrophic as jack’s, partly because tng was formulated more like a motw episodic scenario, but several times, wesley makes mistakes that endanger the people around him and he just gets a pass, and still gets to apply to starfleet like his mixed record on enterprise wouldn’t be a red mark against him. opinion’s pretty split on him, too, nowadays. it depends on whether or not you watched the show in real time or maybe growing up, and you had to suffer the writers get the most interesting ideas about him wrong over and over again. but i’ve seen a trend in a lot of younger fans that wesley’s not that bad. usually, propping themselves up with some of his best episodes across seven seasons and with empathy for a child character. time’s been kind to wesley.

what’s to say time isn’t going to be kind to jack? elaboration under the cut.

i can’t know that. a lot of reappraisals for fictional characters stem from social forces beyond our ability to foresee, and in wesley’s case i think it’s very relevant to talk about how commonplace gifted kid burnout has become. there’s also the infinitesimal chance that future star trek projects will include jack and portray him outside of the glowing light of nostalgia that picard s3 showered him with.

i think the difference is that wesley had a lot of opportunities to show his depth. not all of them were taken, but some of them were. like, the first duty is one of tng’s most beloved episodes. jack had one plotline, whose vision i distinctly disagree with (no, the world will not be saved by enshrining the past and idolizing the old), and whose execution threw so many other beloved characters under the bus.

i don’t want star trek legacy for many reasons, and even against my interest to see jack crusher become a more well-rounded character that took advantage of many questions that could be asked from the setup of who he is. but if jack crusher appears again, hopefully not as a main character, i won’t be against it. i’ve demonstrated that there’s potential in him to follow through with. it just requires creative writers that can be objective about the lived experiences of characters from all walks of life, and who aren’t following an agenda of trying to put the past on a pedestal. star trek is in short supply of those, but they’ve been seen. in lower decks, in prodigy. not holding my breath about it, though.

[kore-pythia-hayashi]

Luke: Kore, I cannot stand it anymore.

All the games fate plays on us, all the strings that are pulled only to hang us like puppets. I’m tired of not having a choice. I’m tired of being a dead man in everyone’s eyes, even yours, because you know better than anyone else what will happen to me. Why? Why is all of this? I feel like a little child again asking this question, but truthfully, I don’t want to be an object anymore. I want to live, and grow, and love, and suffer and continue despite the heartbreak like a normal person would, and I want all my fellow demigods to have this chance too! But no. I can’t even have that. The fates won’t allow me deviate from their wicked plan, will they?

*holding back sobs* I don’t want to die, Kore. Please…

[She kneels down and takes his face in her hands, they are smooth and too hot, like stones heated in the sun] Do you want me to tell you one little thing, Luke? The great prophecy is about the fall or preservation of Olympus and about the child of the big three, because of which Hades, Poseidon and Zeus kind of swore by the waters of the river Styx not to have children - self-fulfilling.

And you are the hero of this prophecy, not Perseus Diantheus Jackson, not Thalia Pittea Grace, Not Nicolla Dante Di Angelo namely you, Lucas Alexander Castellan, son of Hermes and the legacy of Jupiter.

You are hero's soul, cursed blade shall reap, the very blade that Annabeth Catherine Chase now owns and that my brother Hal gave you.

It will be your choice to commit suicide by stopping Kronos and saving Olympus.

It is thanks to your sacrifice and your dying words that Perseus Dianthus Jackson will restore justice to the demigods and lesser gods.

And about the desire to live and the vision of the dead... I really want to live, and I see us all, including myself, already dead.

Moirai weaves their threads and we are already born doomed.

Just because we are the ones who are needed for this prophecy.

This is the constant of demigod life, Luke, and we are absolutely powerless.

[inamindfarfaraway]

What are your thoughts on Duela Dent? Specifically her Pre-Crisis backstory—before she was retconned to not even being related to Harvey for Some Reason. I think there could be some interesting themes about generational trauma and how his own childhood severely impacted Harvey’s relationship with his own daughter.

Harvey and Gilda having a kid who becomes a superhero to try to redeem her heritage is a great concept, and like a lot of great concepts, DC dropped it down the drain. But that’s what fanon is for! There’s so much you can explore with Duela. If I were to remake her myself, I’d do away with the whole Joker’s Daughter and Harlequin identities, at least after the initial phase of her trying to get Batman’s attention by pretending to be other supervillains’ daughter; and instead have her reflect Harvey and Two-Face’s themes of duality and justice. Like, maybe her heroic identity has a Lady Justice theme with a symbol of scales, a sword for a weapon and a tied domino mask with coloured lenses to mimic a blindfold. Or maybe she defiantly avoids all things duality-related to disown her father’s evil legacy, only to later incorporate her own version of it as she accepts him as a part of her. It doesn’t feel right to have her so associated with the Joker and similar to Harley Quinn when she isn’t even related to them, especially when they’re both very popular and present in DC already (in the Joker’s case, far more than he deserves). Let’s keep her a Dent first and foremost.

Anyway, onto the relationships! I like the idea that Harvey and Gilda wanted kids and them trying before the acid attack and turning out to have succeeded after the dad is a crime lord or in Arkham Asylum is so perfectly tragic. Maybe Harvey “Definitely Not Hanging on by a Thread” Dent wants to be a dad partly, subconsciously to prove to himself that he can be the opposite of his father, to create the ultimate proof that he isn’t doomed to fail and suffer and ruin everything he touches, that he’s capable of having a healthy, happy family and can handle his C-PTSD just fucking fine. In essence, to ‘redeem’ and stick it to his own terrible childhood and paternal heritage. The cycle of generational trauma can’t have that much power over him if he breaks it, can it? No more power than Gotham’s cycle of violence and corruption will have once he, Bats and Gordon take the streets back for the people! A nice work/personal life parallel that mirrors how Bruce doesn’t stop thinking like Batman when he takes the cowl off. But then the trial happens. And then Gilda misses her period. And now Harvey, unable to find a way out of perpetuating Gotham’s vicious cycle, is an absent father with an ever-growing criminal record who perpetuates his familial one. He passes that whole toxic mindset down to his child. He loves her so much and hates that he’s failing her! It’s just that you can’t hate yourself into a better person, so the ‘Oh God, I’m becoming my father’ stress on top of everything else wrong with him actually makes him spiral lower faster.

Two-Face, I believe, loves Gilda as much as Harvey does (though she doesn’t seem to love him back). I’d imagine he loves Duela too. I bet Duela is the only thing both he and Harvey can ignore the coin for. Two-Face loves in a particularly “If anything happens to her, I will kill everyone in Gotham and then myself” way. Of course, he makes things happen to her. Growing up with your dad, or his alter or whatever, committing murder and terrorism and such on the news is not fun. She could easily be bullied because of Harvey and Two-Face. So she would really resent them, especially the more immoral Two-Face, before gaining a more objective, nuanced understanding of them and struggling to reconcile how awful her daddy issues have felt her entire life with the causes of them being sympathetic and not beyond rehabilitation. When she becomes a superhero, does she avoid Gotham to avoid them? Does she never go on patrol while Two-Face is at large? Or does she seek the system out for catharsis, or the desperate, painful need to know her father in any capacity? Do they have incredibly awkward fights? The drama writes itself, but there’s a lot of comic potential too.

Duela: Dad, for fuck’s sake, go to therapy.

Two-Face: That’s my girl! We’re so proud of you, sweetheart! I mean, the way you took out my best muscle, that was amazing.

Duela: (rolls her eyes) Therapy. Now.

Two-Face, still robbing the bank: Right, right. In a minute. And don’t stay out too late again. It’s a school night. A little bit of financial redistribution really doesn’t have to be your problem, you know. Just saying.

Henchman: I didn’t know you had a daughter, boss. Seeing you act like this is so -

Two-Face: Finish that sentence and you’ll get a closed-casket funeral.

Duela: Dad!

Two-Face: Sorry. It can be open casket.

Duela: (sighs) Put your gun down and stop stealing the public’s money, or I will start vaping to cheer myself up.

Two-Face: Alright, Jesus! I’m coming!

Does he kill innocent people, sells drugs and guns and torture the Batkids without losing any sleep over it? Yes. Is he absolutely horrified by the thought of his little girl being unhappy? Also yes. Will he stop doing the aforementioned activities that she’s unhappy about? …Later. After she’s done all her homework.

Everything about Gilda is underdeveloped in canon, but she’s usually depicted as unconditionally loving Harvey despite his crimes. Having a child to worry about complicates that. The Dent system are in no condition to coparent. They might even be dangerous, if not directly. Completely cutting your husband out of your life is hard and could hurt your daughter, but so could taking her to visit him in Arkham every weekend. Offering your heart is one thing, exposing your kid’s is another. The conspicuously on-theme name Duela sticks out to me. Did Harvey, newly fixated on duality, get to name her? Was that a concession Gilda gave him while they were arranging for him to have little to no involvement in her life? Does Gilda tell Duela stories about the good in Harvey and their past together? How comfortable is she discussing who he’s become? Is she willing to forgive, or perhaps rather put aside, every atrocity the system could possibly commit except deliberately hurting their daughter? What happens if somehow one of them crosses that line?

One thing I don’t need to question is that Duela is the ultimate mother’s girl. If a villain threatens Gilda to get to her, so help them. She might have no interest in law because look how well taht career turned out for, but be an avid artist, in Gilda’s field of sculpting and/or different mediums. Art can be very therapeutic, after all. And Duela undoubtedly needs therapy. (“I’ll go back to Arkham if you talk to the school counsellor tomorrow!” “I’m not killing people!” “That’s no excuse!”) You could have a fun contrast between her having an archetypical creative type’s disorganized, expressive, eccentric personality as a civilian and her serious vigilante persona being all about rationality, clarity and balance. Chaos and order in one. Her costume and equipment could even be black and white while her art and casual clothes are brightly coloured.

[feline-evil]

Do you ever think about the possibilities of what and who The Boss could have and would have been if she was permitted to be a flesh and blood human being in people's eyes more than a legend, if she was a real, tangible human more than a myth, a tool, a piece in a vast and complicated and everlasting sick political game using her like a hero yet discarding her like a pawn. Do you ever think about Joy. The version of Joy that never got to exist, that could never exist, who was doomed to die as The Boss and be remembered by most as The Boss; a legend, a story, a legacy to uphold instead of a lady who suffered so much and cared so much and was capable of so, so so so SO much bloodied and gory violence but also so much compassion. She's so deeply compelling to me, compelling and mysterious and vague because we really only get to hear about her legend; even when we MEET her we're not really meeting Joy, we can't because she HAS to be The Boss she HAS to play this role in the moment we meet her and we see her AS The Boss. And then she dies. And all we and everyone in that world are left with is a legend and a legacy, and so few remember her as a person outside of that, as a person who existed before that. It's like Joy the person died so long before The Boss did, she's gone by the time we meet her really. And it's all just so very sad to think about!

[sincerelyandyourstruly]

the sun, the moon, & the truth

i used to say that "every opposites attract dynamic eventually distills down to a sun/moon dynamic."

and at first, this seems to hold true for xiaoven as well! i mean, it seems kind of obvious, does it not? venti is happy and bright, a lot of fun and laughter at parties; whereas xiao is quiet and shy, shrouded in darkness and doom. the sun shines a surefire path through the gloom, for through the darkness will always come the dawn; whereas the moon waxes and wanes through the nights, uncertain and untouchable.

i've often seen it said that in a xiaoven sun/moon dynamic, xiao sees venti as his sun, something bright and beautiful and worth every ounce of adoration to be afforded. by contrast, he himself cannot live up to venti's ideals (as much as he secretly yearns to) and views himself as nothing more than a pale reflection, a cold imitation, of that light.

despite this, venti still sees the goodness in xiao, the reflection of that light, and loves it all the same (for the moon is still beautiful), and together, they make one another complete; through venti's light, xiao is (saved) (forgiven) ((set free)) loved.

it's a fairly romantic notion, is it not? for a character to realize that their quiet, reflective nature is something worth loving, and that although they may be surrounded by darkness, that does not make them any less righteous themselves.

but as you study venti's character more closely, start to see the grief and sadness and aching regret underneath his cheerful and carefree facade, it becomes more and more obvious that venti is not really so much of a sun after all. his hopes and ideals were learned from another, from whom he has even taken his entire appearance. he himself is a reflection of someone, something else— the nameless bard and mondstadt— and the light it has living up to its ideals.

and venti knows this. i really don't think he's ever seen himself as much more than a mere reflection of something he admired and wished desperately to become himself, and the other thing is, he tries so hard to embody that which he reflects. to believe venti to be a sun would be to fall for his facade.

now, i believe it was at around the time of the endless suffering trailer that i remember seeing people suddenly start to reevaluate the venti == sun equivocation, specifically because venti in that trailer had been haloed by the moon himself as he welcomed xiao's return. However, what this also meant is that people began to reframe xiao as the sun in this dynamic, which.

yes, it is cool that we are trying to subvert the sun/moon dynamic here. there's a tumblr post that's crossed my dash before that considers this very concept, that of a sun-coded character who views themselves as Too Much, damaging to stare at or be around for too long. but guys.

we can be gay about the sun/moon dynamics by having two moons.

like, party rock with me for a second here and consider it this way: venti is like the bright full moon, shining in the night whilst hiding its dark side underneath; whereas xiao is like the shadow of the moon during a lunar eclipse.

they still have that "opposites attract" kind of vibe this way; it's just that rather than making them into characters who are fundamentally dissimilar, yet ultimately perfectly complimentary, they are each at their hearts exactly the same despite what one may believe at first glance.

comparing xiao specifically to things like the new moon, or the shadow of the moon during an eclipse, highlights the way he tends to bury himself in the shadows of the legacies he carries as his life continues to revolve around his duty to liyue. venti, on the other hand, is just as i stated earlier: he shows that which he reflects very brightly, that which he loves so ardently, like the full moon hiding its secrets and sins beneath itself.

and like, this interpretation doesn't even mean that we can't have that tasty tasty character struggle in xiao where he views himself as lesser than or unworthy of venti's feelings! bc it's fun, y'know, and really easy for xiao to just assume these things abt venti, that he's better or purer or less sinful (far less sinful) than himself.

to xiao, venti is something more beautiful, more divine, more knowledgeable, and more trustworthy than himself. he likely views venti this way for a long time after they first meet and believes it to be true down to the very core of his heart.

but that's in all likelihood simply untrue about venti! as an original archon who partook in the archon war, he absolutely has to have some war crimes under his belt, committed to keep mondstadt safe. or even barring that, his "negligence" (if that's what you want to call his periods of sleeping and leaving mondstadt to its own devices) has led to the suffering of many, such as the days of the aristocracy in mondstadt and the legend of vannessa. just bc venti doesn't talk abt these things explicitly (either by choice or some higher power's force) doesn't mean he does not shoulder their burdens every moment he's alive the way xiao shoulders his karmic debts.

and i think that until he realizes that venti loves gentleness in a person more than he loves vibrancy and life, xiao would probably struggle to understand why venti would fall in love with him (monster that he is). bc venti has seen many a person come and go through the centuries, and he has seen so much bloodshed in his life that i would imagine he values a gentle spirit very highly as a result. and seeing the gentility in xiao? for venti, oh— that's easy.

and yet xiao doesn't see that in himself!! he sees his every move as compensating for his own past sins!!! Until he starts to see past venti's facade, and realizes, oh, we are not so different after all.

(and i think that something similar could happen from venti's end as well— that he sees xiao as lovely and gentle and worth every mite of grace the heavens can grant him, for not a single sin he has been forced to shoulder has been performed by his own willing hands. and i think that he would struggle to accept xiao's love for him, because he believes that what xiao loves is his facade, this idea of what the divine barbatos, not venti, is supposed to be, but once he realizes xiao sees him for himself…!)

it is through falling so deeply and irrevocably in love and then recognizing themselves in one another that xiaoven can achieve some much-needed self-love and acceptance. and that thought makes me wanna sob facedown in a rainy ditch as lightning strikes from above forever and ever and ever.