#dont worry girl IM GETTING YOU OUT OF THERE
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you get me. you GET me. you get me so much i screamed when you laid down what you got. UGHHH. literally i hope to write more fics that will interest you because UGHHHHH you just get meeeeeeee its sooo goodddd
i also i too use girl as gender neutral sLAYYY.
I'm so happy you love the cargyll twins 🥺🫶🫶
The way we always see her as *herself*, beyond her ailment, beyond her concerns of putting up an act, both as a Hightower daughter and/or a Targaryen wife. She's just herself, without being worried that she's disappointing Otto or Daemon.
this is it. this is literally how i envisioned their dynamic to be yknow. when you commented on this once before i leapedddddd for joy it LEAPED really. you get me. you get meeee.
she's just a girl when she's with them. just a girl who loves to swim and pick flowers. did you actually sob cos of the scene with erryk? 🫂🫂🫂 but also... love that for me HAHAHAH.
(I don't even want to think about the fact that the last time she experienced something like this was probably in old town w gwayne when they were children)
dw. i like to think the sibs snuck out to go for a swim for the last time before she was married to daemon. to cheer her up yknow. alicent was there too <3
I love the way you portray Otto's relationship [...]
THISSSSSSSS. THISSSS. YOU JUST GET MEEEE T_T SCREAMING CRYING THROWING UP. I literally JUST ranted about this to my friend that everyone is like 'daemon is trying' WHAT ABOUT OTTO I WROTE HIM THAT WAY TOO AND YOU JUST 😫😫😫😫😫 FUCKK YOU GETTT MEEEEEe
[...] with the reader because he's not black and white with his motives, only using his daughter to raise his House's standing. Rather, he's a complex character with layers, he's still a father - albeit a shitty one at that.
YOURE SOOOOOO ON POINT WITH EVERYTHING LITERALLYYYYYYYYYYYYY i thought it was really important to expound on this because DAEMON IS LITERALLY OTTO TO HER!!! BUT IN A WAY BETTER BECAUSE AT LEAST DAEMON IS CAPABLE OF SOME SORT OF AFFECTION. she's like 'ok my dad treats me this way, ergo my husband treating me this way is fine' !!!!!!!!!!!!!! this is so important fr fr because we accept the love we think we deserve.
He loves his daughter, in his own twisted way. How he ensures that she's not having a fit before dropping the baby bomb on her. He worries for her, knows her ticks.
💯 no notes
But it's the way he uses his love and knowledge regarding her to get his own way and to get the reaction he wants out of her that's the most twisted.
THIS!!!!!! ok im so fucking excited i just want to tell you BUT ALL WILL BE REVEALED IN THE NEXT CHAPTER IVE BEEN BUILDING THIS SHIT UP FOR SO LONG IM SO FUCKING GLAD YOU CAUGHT ON IM GOING TO FUCKING CRY.
Also, I love how we're seeing mc slowly but surely starting to stand up for herself. WE LOVE GROWTH IM SO PROUD OF HER, I COULD CRY.
<3 but also..... who's gonna tell her (not me)
Day 173822 of begging daemon to just be normal for once in his life.
ur so me fr bestie
Honestly speaking, I was one of the few that voted for reader to prioritise herself and not go after either gwayne or daemon but ohh!!! I loved loved loved this scene.
🗣🗣🗣🗣🗣💯💯💯 AS YOU SHOULD. AS YOU FUCKING SHOULD. I WAS AND AM STILL ACTUALLY VERY GAGGED THAT THAT POLL WOUND UP THAT WAY. SERIOUSLY CONSIDERING TOTALITARIANISM BECAUSE THIS DEMOCRACY AINT WORKING FOR ME CUZ WHAT DO YOU MEANNNNNN COMFORT DAD BOI DAEMON???????? YUCKKK i mean i get it but DAMNNNN?????
her whole arc with gwayne was rough. spolier? i dont plan on bringing him back at all so </3 if he comes back well 😬😬 shits about to go down
ALSO DAEMON YOU LITTLE RAT,
HAHAHHAHAHHAHAH YOU LIKE ME FR FR FR I TOO CALL HIM RAT HAHAHAHAH AND EVERYONE ELSE THAT FUCKING PISSES ME OFF
YOU HAVE NO RIGHT BEING MAD AT MY GIRL FOR NOT BEING THERE WHEN YOU DEGRADED HER THE LAST TIME AND NOT IN THE SEXY WAY!!!!
😬 yeesh fr.
Her telling him to speak what he wants and not twist his words is soooo real. YES GIRLL SET IT STRAIGHT WE DONT WANT EXTRA HEADACHES IN OUR LIVES!!
🗣🗣🗣🗣🗣🗣🗣🗣💯💯💯💯💯💯💯💯💯 AGAIN AND AGAIN YOU GET ME YOU DONT MISSSSSSSS
I just remembered that she still thinks that night was a dream and I'm heartbroken again </3
dw. she'll find out it wasnt a dream.............. eventually
Pls daemon why do you have to choose aggression and rage every fucking time. Just be cute for once ugghhh.
UR LITERALLY ME FRRR HAHAHHAHHAHA
EVEN THE LINE YOU QUOTEDDDD i feared people might overlook it BUT YOU SAW. YOU GET ME. AND THATS MORE THAN ENOUGH.
I am so honored to have gotten your lovely reblog. i will 100% tag you my love. i'm glad you like my fic and my brain and my words. i love you so much. literally if there is something you want to see in this fic, just tell me and i'll make it happen for you fr fr.
Tormented Spirit | 7
Part 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8
"Is it such a sin to stand up for yourself?" you mutter as tears blur your vision. The way he reacted was visceral, instinctive even. "You never have to stand up for yourself ever again," says Daemon, reaching a hand to you, "come."
Daemon Targaryen x Hightower!Reader | 5k+ | cw: fem!reader, reader has brown hair, wife!reader, twin!Gwayne, arranged/forced marriage, canon divergence, alternate universe, slow burn, smut (cunnilingus, piv, choking, degradation, slight sadism), DD:DNE, panic/anxiety attacks, daddy issues/child abuse/family problems, mentions/depictions of mental/physical/psychosomatic illness, ye old misogyny, angst, typos, etc.
A/N: again the high valyrian is internet translated so lol. please consider leaving comments/reblogs because they really help me with the fic. might make another poll for next chapter stay tuned. | cross posted on ao3
@arabellasleopardcoat
Taking you to the hidden stream was simultaneously the best and worst decision Erryk's ever made in his life. The look of you was holy. His intense focus on your form was to ensure your safety, but, by the gods, it felt sinful to behold your dark hair and light fabric ebbing in the water.
He had hoped a swim would lift your spirits, just as flower picking did, but he did not know it would draw such a tempest out of you. It was as though you were reborn. You plunged into the water and shed all your inhibitions. Your voice became brighter, as did your eyes. You were flooded with more than a dozen memories of you and your twin swimming in the river near your home in Oldtown, and you recounted all of them so excitedly to Erryk.
"Oh!' you exclaim, flipping in the water to get to your feet. You point to something behind your ward, making him turn around. In that split second, you hold in your laughter and grab something from the mossy rocks. Innocently, you say, "that reminds me of something."
Erryk turns back to you, brows knit in confusion. When you you make your way towards him, he clenches his jaw and averts his gaze. The shift you were swimming in was stuck flush on your body, leaving little to his imagination. He was glad to have the foresight to bring you a change of clothes and a towel, and, my, was the pattern on the said towel so very interesting.
"What is a frogs favorite game?" you ask so suddenly.
Erryk turns to you, brows furrowing, "pardon?"
"Tell me the frogs' favorite game, ser," you repeat as though it was the most obvious thing in the world.
"Frogs favored game?" he repeats slowly, realizing now that your expression was mockingly innocent. He hums, "I cannot say I-"
"HOPSCOTCH!"
A frog comes leaping into Erryk's face, nearly causing him to topple as he dodges it. He's so flabbergasted by the turn of events, he calls out your name in offence. He is doubly offended by your laughter. His eyes go wide as you hunch forward, leaning on your knees.
"Villain," your ward mutters, scoffing far too many times.
You can barely catch your breath. You fan your face, "frog-ive me."
Erryk's face only contorts further.
"I could not-" you gasp for air, "could not help it."
In truth, if it was any other who did such a childish thing, he'd have shoved them in the water. Alas, you appeared only more beauteous as you made him a fool.
"Forgive me," you repeat in more serious manner, "Gwayne used to scare me this way often. I wished only to know how it felt, and now..." you giggle, "I can't say I blame my brother for constantly pulling tricks on me."
He huffs and shakes his head, "well. I'm glad to have pleased you, my ever-so-kind princess."
You offer him a guilty smile, "apologies."
Erryk shakes his head, "no. Truly. I am glad to see you in such a state."
You fidget with your fingers as a shiver runs down your spine.
He is quick to unravel your towel. He places it on your shoulders, "perhaps we should go back. The sunset is nigh."
You nod, taking your change of clothes from him next.
He turns around offering you your privacy. It takes a while, but you manage to dress yourself. Once you had your shoes on, you dry your hair with your towel and take his arm, "would you please lace up my dress?"
He nods, avoiding your gaze as he feels his face burn. He quickly laces you up then you return to the Keep.
You both had been laughing, up until you made it past the castle gates, promptly being silenced by the loud shout, "PRINCESS!"
Arryk runs over, charging for his brother. Their steel plates collide as Arryk yanks his twin, "where in gods name did you take her?"
Erryk furrows his brows, "we visited a stream-"
"The Keep is in disarray!" Arryk grits his teeth, hissing under his breath, "everyone's looking for her. Everyone."
You watch the twins huddle close and bicker. As it escalates, you try try to come between them, "Arryk. I was the one who asked him to take me outside the keep."
Arryk does not hear you at first, dead set on arguing with his twin. When you repeat your words the second time however, he turns to you, face softening a fraction. He knits his brows turning back to this brother, whispering something that makes Erryk turn to you with wide eyes, "fuck."
"Why?" you look at them in concern, "what it is?"
Arryk opens his mouth, but Erryk grabs his arm and says, "wait."
"There's no other way to say it," Arryk snaps, ripping his arm out his grip.
"Say what?" you knit your brows.
Arryk turns back to you, then lowers his gaze, "the queen... the queen has passed."
Your jaw drops. Your eyes widen. Your hand immediately covers your mouth. The three of you do not speak for a prolonged moment.
You feel your stomach roll, "w-what happened?"
"She could not deliver the babe herself. The maesters... had to intervene."
Intervene? You could not possibly understand what that could mean, and you find that you do not want to. You shake your head, "and her babe? Is- is her babe well at least?"
Arryk clenches his jaw, "she sired a prince named Baelon... he apparently grows weaker by the hour."
You feel bile rise up your throat.
"Your father and your siblings have been looking for you since news broke."
You shake your head, and gather your skirts.
"As has the prince."
Your face twitches at the thought. You do not delay and make your way inside the Keep.
As you tread the halls, you think about what the queen told you just mere hours ago. There is a sharp twinge in your belly as simultaneously remember how Aemma told you to go cheer for Daemon at the tourney and realize you will never hear a word from her ever again. The thought washes over you like water on the beach, sobering but thankfully not overwhelming.
You hadn't realized you had your head bowed until you hear your name called. You still as you look up, the twins halt behind you.
Otto marches over, brows and jaw tight as ever, "where in gods name have you been?"
You straighten your back as he stops before you, "I-"
"Your wards are double," he turns to the kingsguards, "and doubly useless, it seems."
"Father," you step into his line of sight, "do relieve your rage on them."
Your father turns back to you, expression softening a fraction at your referral. You had not called him father since your argument in the maester's office. He looks at you— takes a good look at you and your sad eyes, your knit brows, your frowning lips. Your hair was darker than it was normally, and as he reaches out for it, he found it was, in fact, damp, "where have you been?"
"I..." you gulp and take a deep breath, "went swimming."
He releases your hair, tilting his head, "with whom? Gwayne has gone."
You pull your head back, "G-Gwayne's gone?"
"The tourney is over. The road is long. He has no reason to stay," Otto says.
Your brows tighten as you shake your head, "he... he didn't... wait for me?"
Otto watches your lips quiver. He watches your nose twitch. When your chest begins to visibly rise and fall, he shakes his head, "what did I tell you?"
You stare blankly at him.
He takes your hands, "what is it I always tell you?"
You clench your jaw and huff through your nostrils, "do not waste your tears on things you cannot change."
Otto rubs your knuckles as he shakes his head again. He gives the Cargyll brothers a look before walking off with you. They make sure to keep their distance before following after.
You turn to your father as he links your arm into his. You are certain, with how he cannot look at you, that he means to tell you something grave. You look front and mimic his demeanor— distant, cold. You are his daughter, face and temperance.
"You enjoyed your swim at least?" he starts, "you are calm?"
You gulp, mentally preparing yourself for what will surely come next. Your voice still falters though, "ye-s."
Otto nods, still not turning to you, "many has occurred since your marriage to Daemon. You admitted you did not consummate your marriage on your wedding night and I was deeply concerned you would fail your duties in producing heirs, especially if your husband was not interested in you."
Your jaw clenches.
"But with the apparent... change of heart your husband has shown, you should know I've had the maesters closely monitor your state."
You knit your brows at that, "you mean my affliction?"
He speaks your name slowly before continuing, "as of yesterday, they have confirmed to me that you are with child."
You whip your head to him and pull away.
Otto does not look at you with the same sense of urgency.
"W-what?"
He sees the fear on your features. He offers a solemn expression and takes your cheeks when your eyes water, "this is good. You should delight, not tremble."
You try to speak but nothing coherent comes out.
"The Queen is dead. Go to your husband and comfort him with this news."
Your mouth goes dry and your father wipes the tears that fall from your eyes. He your name softly. Your sad face looks the exact same it did when his wife died. My baby is having a baby. He frowns and pulls away.
You try to take his hand, but he slips away.
"See her off," the Hand instructs your wards.
Erryk is quick to go to your side, whereas Arryk stares at the back of Otto's head, his lips curling as he did.
"Princess," Erryk says, cautiously reaching your arm.
You turn to him with wide eyes before scratching your tears away, "I-"
"Perhaps you should sit down first."
You pull away from him before he can touch you. The action makes Erryk pull back, an unsavory sensation spreading in his mouth and belly.
"I want to- I—" you take a breath, "I need to find-" you shake your head and begin speeding down the hall.
You were nearly about to break into a sprint, and your wards had to jog up to your side to keep up with you. You don't really know where you're going, but you're getting there, fast.
"Princess, please, slow down," one says.
You can feel your breath and your pulse in your ears.
"Princess."
You find yourself in the halls near one of the gate of the keep. The only reason why you stop is because you hear the voice of your twin. Your breath catches as you lurch towards the window. Gwayne was laughing with one of the guards, already on his horse. Your brows furrow, he couldn't possibly be well enough to be riding on horseback.
You realize quickly this is your last opportunity to go be with your brother, to pull him into an embrace, to worry on him, to tell him your worries, to kiss him goodbye. You know you have to act now and swiftly, but you cannot seem to move.
Your mind is heavy as you think about how your brother is set to leave regardless of your desire to keep close; he said it himself, his place can never be at your side. Though he is the only person who've ever relied on, you know now— you rub your belly, that can no longer be the case. There is only one person you can rely on now... yourself.
It is painful to pull away from the window, but you do, clenching your hands into fists before walking away.
You don't really walk away however, because then, you're frozen in place at the sight of your husband standing a few paces away from you, "Daemon."
He stares at you wordlessly.
You walk towards him, careful as you drag your feet.
He tilts his head and clenches his jaw, "he's leaving any moment now."
You nod, "I know."
"Go to him," he says softly.
"I-"
"Go to him!" he snaps.
You stiffen at his expression. You were adept with anger but he did not look angry. You stop in your tracks, trying to make sense of his restless figure.
Daemon watches you fidget with your fingers.
"If it is your command, I shall obey."
He chuckles dryly, pacing around his spot. He wipes his mouth then charges over, stopping just in front of you. He scoffs when you do not flinch, in disbelief of your constitution. His nostrils flare, "you know my feelings towards your twin."
You slowly shrug, "then you'll be glad to know I came looking for you."
Daemon does not move.
"You know how I feel about my brother..." you mutter, "but..." you lower your gaze, "I'm coming to terms with the fact I can no longer rely on him... it will be better this way."
It takes a moment, but Daemon chuckles. When you look up and his smirk fades. Your beady eyes make it hard to find satisfaction. "So, you will not go to him?" he asks.
You stare.
"You do not want to go to him?"
Your lips part.
He raises his brows.
"I... I do."
Anger rises up his belly, but as if on cue, the sound of horses and carriages moving is heard. You clench your jaw and lower you gaze to prevent yourself from looking back at the window. The prince cannot seem to win, for he should be pleased you did not see your brother off, and yet your sadness leaves sour jealousy in his mouth— he was your husband.
The Cargyll twins look upon you both, appalled by the cruelty of the prince to keep you here as Gwayne leaves for good. Erryk in particular feels restless, unable to stop shifting and fidgeting with his scabbard.
"Shall... shall we go?" you mutter, slowly looking up.
Daemon watches you place a hand on his bicep. He responds only by following you after giving your wards a dismissive look.
The brothers turn to each other, each as unwilling as the other to leave you, but they do anyway.
Daemon is acutely aware of the warmth of your cheek against his arm as you tread down the halls. When, you arrive at your marriage chambers, Daemon opens the door and you notice the bandage wrapped around his hand. He struggles because of this. Once you're inside, you take his arm, eyes trained on his injury, "what happened to your hand?"
Daemon's eyes are fixed on the line between your brows.
"Did you break it?" you turn to him with furrowed eyes.
He pulls away slowly. He wants to know what you'd do next.
"Did you wrap it yourself? It's badly done."
He faintly snorts, "it's on my right hand."
"I'll do it for you," you say, walking towards the vanity.
Daemon follows, watching you procure scissors and vials and other things. You turn to him, motioning to the chair. He sits down, gaze fixed upon you as you take his arm again.
Your eyes are focused on undoing his wrap, "tell me if it hurts,"
His are fixed on your focused expression, "you should sit down."
"I'm fine."
"I want you to sit down," he uses his other hand to grab your wrist.
You stop and turn to him. You turn to the chair across the room but Daemon prevents you from doing so and simply spreads legs, pulling you between his thighs. Quickly, you are sat on his lap and tense look at him. He offers you his injured hand again as his other goes around you, clinging to your hip. He pulls you in, leaning his head against yours to say, "it's a cut, by the way."
You furrow your brows at his admission. You allow yourself a moment to relax before continuing your task. You find it is, in fact, a cut, deep and ugly, "did your lance splinter very badly?"
"No."
You furrow your brows deeper as you turn to him,
"This is glass."
"Glass?" you brow raise, "how did you hurt your hand with glass?"
Daemon licks his lips as he looks at yours. He shrugs, "I broke a bottle."
You pull your head back, "on accident?"
"On purpose," he tilts his head.
You huff and start cleaning his wound, "was the violence in the tourney insufficient?"
He chuckles through his nostrils, "I did not fucking win."
You smear balm on his wound. You do not reply.
It makes him clench his jaw, "and you..."
"..."
"You were not there."
You do not tear your gaze from his injury.
He grumbles, "did you even hear me?"
You lift your gaze then raise brow at him, "you did not want me there. Do you not recall how you cursed at me?"
Your gall makes anger rise up his throat.
You continue wrapping up his hand.
"Well, you were being a bitch," he snaps.
"Why?"
His brows furrow.
"Why was I being a bitch?"
"..."
You spare him a quick glace.
He pulls his head back, "... what?"
"Did I not do my duty?" you turn to him, face blank, "I followed you, congratulated you, inquired of your injuries. I submitted to your desires. Where did I err?" You ask in earnest, "what do you want from me?"
His face contorts. Now that he was faced with such an opportunity, he finds himself unable to speak. What did he want from you?
You wait for him to reply. You prepare yourself for preposterous requirements but you are met only his silence. In that moment, you remember he was just a man. Many a man enjoyed making women suffer. You gulp, thinking about your father.
Perhaps your father was lying. Perhaps he wants you to believe you are with child to get even. After all, Daemon never... finished in you. How then could you be with child?
You secure the binding on his hand, "it is finished."
Daemon does not bother looking at his hand.
"How do you feel?"
He feels a strong urge to shake you... to pull you close.
"My deepest sympathies for the death of your cousin."
He freezes. Right. The queen was dead. He lowers his gaze.
You frown and reach for his cheek. You second guess however and bring your palm to his shoulder instead, "I am here for you, my prince."
His eyes meet yours.
"I am here to care and comfort you."
He leans back, taken by the thought.
You drink in his demeanor, the softness in his eyes, the tension that falls of his shoulders. You release a breath, "if that is what you desire, speak plainly, and do not repel me. Do not ask me to leave if, in fact, you want me to stay."
His throat tightens. He feels like he is ensnared in a bear trap. He rips at his collar, "I... I have other injuries." He pushes you off and paces around as he undoes his top. It is a struggle for him, but he cannot stop or stay still, "cuts and bruises."
You watch as he fidgets and slowly walk over.
"I don't-"
"Daemon."
He stills.
You come in front of him and undo his top yourself. You drop it mindlessly, and once he is bare, he feels conscious under your scrutiny for some reason. You brush your fingers on his ribs, making goosebumps form on his skin. He can't say that that has ever happened to him before. You notice and rub his arms, eyes locked on his torso.
He feels himself getting hard.
"Did you tend to these yourself as well?" you brush over a cut on his hip.
Oh. You were still examining him. He only hums in response.
You frown, "did no maester come to your tent?"
"I..." he starts.
You circle around him, inspecting for other injuries.
"...wanted you to come to my tent."
You come to his side. He finds the frown on your face. You take a moment before saying, "you tended to your wounds well at least."
"I want you."
You nod, "I will tend to you—"
Daemon takes your nape, lowering his head to kiss your lips. It takes a moment for you to relax, and his belly burns at the sound you make when you do. Your hands come to his sides and your nails graze faintly into his flesh.
He pushes you back until your laid on the bed beneath him. His kisses trail down your skin as he works to get you naked. He kisses your shoulder, then your sternum. He makes sure to lick your breast and leave a mark on your rib before peppering kisses down your belly.
Your breath grows heavy when he lingers by your womb, sucking kisses on your skin. Your throat tightens think of your father's words again. It makes you tense, and Daemon feels it. Of course, he doesn't know about your conversation with Otto, and thinks your tension comes from your self-consciousness.
You lift your head, pulling a pillow beneath it, and look down at your husband. You reach for him, tangling your fingers in his silver hair, "Daemon."
He hums, nipping your flesh in response.
You try to sit up, "D-Daemon, I-"
He shushes you, pushing down on your hip bone. He looks up at you, muttering something in High Valyrian.
"Please, Daemon, wait-"
"Be still," he says, violet eyes hooded, "do I not take care of you?"
Your breath hitches as he sinks down.
"Do you not enjoy my mouth?"
"I- that's not-"
"Do you or do you not?"
"I... I do—"
You are not able to speak after he buries his face between your thighs. You are reduced to breathy cries and a twisting spine. Daemon, though he continues to hold you down, relishes every second of it and feasts more ardently. He sighs, securing your thighs on his shoulders, nudging his face deeper into you, his nose brushing against your pearl.
He relishes how quickly your wetness builds, and soon, he feels your arousal dribbling down his chin. He moans, nails biting crescent moons into your skin. Your belly rises and falls in sync with the crescendo of your mewls. At this point, both your hands are tangled into his hair, and your pulling and scratching only further inspires his tongue.
You call out his name, screwing your eyes shut as you throw your head back and arch your body. Quickly, your belly tightens and you sequentially dig your heels into his shoulder blades. He squeezes your thighs enough to make them bruise, and yet the pain is what pushes you into orgasm, garnering a lewd and loud sound from your mouth.
Daemon hums, lifting his face just enough to see yours as he brings you to peak. He moans at your expression, grinding his hips into the cushion, desperate for friction.
Your body trembles, unable to settle as his burning mouth persists on your molten mound. You begin to squeak and he catches the moment you open your eyes to look at him all teary. It drives him mad. With a deep inhale, he pulls away, wiping his chin before he undoes his breeches.
You relax and catch your breath, hands dropping to your sides.
Daemon watches you, your trembling legs glistening with the pleasure he's drawn out. He can feel himself throbbing in his pants. You watch as he hastily frees himself. Though your head was hazy and your body was tried, your belly burned at sight of the sticky liquid dripping down your husband's neck.
"Fuck, Daemon," you reach for his belly. You trace his defined muscles with your finger tips. He snatches your hands when he finally pushes his pants down.
You squeak when he pushes you to your side, one hand on your shoulder, another hiking your leg up by the knee. You whine as he folds you into the sheets just before sliding his hardened cock in your wet cunt.
He hisses, leaning down to your neck. His words are hot against your skin, but you understand nothing.
Whatever tenderness he had before was gone, now he was just fucking you like a rabid animal. Daemon could not help himself, he loved how supple and pliable you were, and twists you into a form that keeps you prone. When the bed begins to creak because of his thrusts, he holds you down where your neck and collarbone meet. He puts enough pressure to restrict your breathing, but not enough to choke out your pretty noises.
At some point, he decides your leg is getting in the way and pushes you flat on your chest. He then gathers you by the hip, hiking you up enough to fuck you nicely from behind.
His thrusts are more intense now. You scream into the cushion as you find your elbows. Before you can prop yourself up though, he's pinning you down by the shoulder, saying something in High Valyrian again.
"D-Daemon," you whine, left cheek smushed against your pillow. You could feel your next climax building quickly.
He responds by rubbing your clit, drawing tears and another scream out of you because of your sensitivity.
You feel yourself helplessly clenching and unclenching around him, absolutely boneless under his vigorous intrusion. You could feel your knees slipping but Daemon's grip on you would not see you move from your position. Your toes curl. Saliva drips out your open mouth.
"Māzigon va, riña," he snorts, "sepār mirrī angotan tolī." Come on, girl. Just a little bit more."
You do not understand, so you only whine out, "Daemon."
Daemon growls and rubs one side of your ass, "you're doing so good for me."
He spanks you, but that's not what makes your eyes open.
"Milk my cock with your tight cunny, come slut."
You begin to grit your teeth.
"I want to see my seed dripping down your thighs," he groans, mind unable to focus on anything but the hot, wet slapping of your skin.
It's unsurprising that you come first, as Daemon always assures you do to underscore his control and dominance over you. He yelps out a sharp fuck, nearly coming in your cunt because of how your body seizes up around him. Your orgasm overwhelming, yet your eyes water for more than this reason. His words make you aware your husband sees you nothing more as a vessel for pleasure, and your pleasure is regretfully cut short because of how sharply he pulls out, his load spraying on your already dripping labia and pubic hair.
He strokes himself a few times, feeling his cock twitch in his hand as he watches your mixed come trickle down your legs. He sighs, "fuck," then scoops the cream in two fingers, plunging it in and out your still spasming cunt.
You squeal when he finger fucks you, body unable to remain upright. You are grateful he loses interest rather quickly and crumble into the bed as he stands.
You watch him walk over to the drawer, where he then pours himself some wine. You gulp, remembering your dream from last night. It sobers you out your high. You clench your jaw and roll over to clean yourself up. You head to your vanity and wipe yourself down, grabbing your robe was you do.
Daemon, whose thirst was now quenched, turns back to you with a towel. He is confused to see you standing. He watches you flip your hair behind you, pulling it out of your robe, which you then secure around yourself. He knits his brows as he walks over, "what are you doing?"
You turn to him, sitting on the vanity chair, "getting ready for bed."
Daemon stares, and you take his prolonged silence as an indication to proceed with your nightly routine.
The prince squeezes the damp towel in his hand as he watches you brush your hair. You catch his stillness from the mirror and turn back to him, "oh."
You drop your brush and take the towel from him, "I'll help you clean up."
Normally, he enjoyed this, but right now, he can't. He is offended when you begin to pick up his clothes, so much that he scoffs, "the fuck are you doing?"
You halt midway picking up his trousers. You stand and turn to the closet, "ah. Did you want new clothes?"
He pulls his head back, no longer offended, but hurt, "you want me to leave?"
You are caught off guard by his question. You stare at him for a moment, unsure if he was serious. You could not identify his expression, so you did not know if you tell him the truth. You would not survive being berated after confessing you wanted to sleep with him. You dodge the answer altogether, "weren't you leaving anyway?"
Daemon's cheeks tense. He huffs, stepping forward, yanking his clothes out of your hands, "no."
You are bewildered by his actions, for to you, his actions are sudden. You are petrified in fear, which is why you instinctively begin to apologize, "f-forgive me, I-I-"
His nostrils flare and his jaw sets.
"I-" you motion with a hand, "- you always leave."
His clenches his jaw, "do you want me to leave?"
"I—" your throat tightens and soon you can no longer look at him. You want to beg him to stay, but you recall how you did that with your father, and your mother, and your brother— begging does not make people stay. You whisper, "I... I'm terrified."
When you lift your gaze, Daemon shirks and decided to dress. He gulps as he pulls his trousers up, turning back to you. He clenches his fist before reaching out for you.
Your heart races as he takes your hand.
"You've served me well. If you are terrified... I'll leave you."
You whimper when he pulls away, holding him tighter than he did before your hands part. Your lips quiver. He knits his brows. You shake your head, "I- I... I do not want you to go."
He is taken off guard by how you suddenly embrace him.
"Please," you beg, though you knew it would not serve you well, "stay."
He turned to stone. He cannot seem to move at all but your arms are determined to stay around him. You begin to weep against his skin and he can feel your breath grow ragged. Only then does he manage to return your affection.
He brushes your dark hair away from your face and cradles you against him.
"Daemon."
He leans into you, enough to be able to brush his cheek against yours, "kesan umbagon." I will stay.
You sniffle then sigh. After a while, you ask, "what does that mean?"
"I will stay."
You sigh again, pulling away to look at him. You offer him a sad smile, "thank you."
He frowns, wiping your tears.
When you go back to bed, you offer him space in case you've made him uncomfortable. He stares at you, awaiting your embrace. You are mere inches apart but it feels like yards and yards.
"Good night, husband," you say before turning over.
He chuckles dryly, staring at your dark hair. He turns to the ceiling, "good night."
#prettybiching cutie#prettybiching my beloved#tormented spirit#daemon targaryen x reader#daemon smut#you can have my heart#n my kidney
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oh i know when ellabs fight with eachother reader is stressed tfff out. its rare, but when it happens its not pretty. they have been getting on each others last fucking nerve for the past week and on the fifth day of ellie mocking abby like a child and abby making unnecessary rude comments when ellie’s in the room, the blow up finally comes.
you enter your shared living room where abby is meal prepping her post workout meals in the kitchen and ellie is sketching in her notebook on the couch, you prance over in your mini skirt and a short cardigan layered over your tiny crop top and let your girlfriends know your headed off to lunch with dina, who is introducing you to a friend of hers. she is certain the two of you will get along well and was hoping your over bearing girlfriends would be chill with it because it’s dina’s close friend.
the problem was though, you had only asked abby if you could go to this little brunch and she hesitantly agreed. she trusted dina and would have a friend of abby’s keeping a close eye on you while you were out little did you know. and with ellie and abby being petty with each other all week, abby hadent exactly gotten around to telling ellie this. so when you walk into the living room dressed as skimpy as the weather would allow and saying your goodbyes, ellie was a little more than confused.
“and where the hell do you think your going?”
you tilted your head in confusion “…out with dina and her friend? did i forget to tell you?” you were starting to worry abby had changed her mind about letting you go.
“and who told you y-“ “she asked me, is there a fucking problem williamson?” abby abruptly put down the tupperwear she had in her hands, turning to ellie and cutting her off
“your my problem anderson-“ “get a god damn grip-“ “oh please dont play the tough act with me-“ “i’m gonna fucking-“
the yelling echos through the opened floored room making you slightly flinch. being the sweetheart you are, you assumed it was your fault they were arguing and guilt filled you instantly; regretting even making plans at all. tears fell down your cheeks faster than you could register them. not wanting to cause more trouble you run into your shared bedroom away from the arguing girls. this shuts they both up as they turn with furrowed brows watching you hurry away from them with red eyes and puffy cheeks.
without another word they follow you into the room and knocking on the locked door, argument lost in their concern for you.
abby speaks first when you don’t immediately open the door “angel? it’s okay we’re done it’s done, need you open the door for us” then ellie piped up “your okay baby, wanna talk to you”
and you do. unlocking the door and sitting back on the bed you sniffle and the apologies instantly spill from your mouth.
“m’ sorry ill stay home. im sorry im so sorry. didn’t mean to make you upset els. i didn’t know. i’m sorr-“
“baby baby relax. come back yeah? you not in trouble sweet girl, what’s going on?” ellie comforts as she takes a seat next to you on the bed, guiding your head down into her neck where you sniffle and wrap your arms around her. abby follows, sitting on the other side of you and rubbing her big hands on your bare back under your top. “made you argue, i didn’t mean to js’ wanted to go see dina..”
“oh angel, you did nothing wrong, breathe baby. we’re not mad at you. just having a bad week is all. nothing to do with you perfect girl. we didn’t mean to scare you we’re so sorry.” abby speaks gently to you. she takes ellie’s hand behind your back, kissing it in silent apology, which ellie sends her a soft smile in return.
“but i-“ “shh no no no stop putting things in that head of yours. we’re not upsest anymore everything is okay. our crybaby huh? we know honey, just so sensitive yeah?“ abby continues to soothe your sniffling
“poor girl, looks like we have to show you how much we love you more, hm? i’ve got a few ideas. abs?”
“mmm i think i know just the way”
this is bootycheeks but whatever bc what better to do on my work lunch break then flood your inbox with my silly thoughts and this probably has 700 typos so just close your eyes
overstimulated and crybaby reader you are so me and lana you get it so well like….
ellie and abby’s hearts simply breaking at the sound of their girl weeping and sniffling, guilt running through them as they should know better than to even argue in front of you. when they see you teary-eyed with a pout on your face after they tell you to look at them, they know so many ways they’re gonna make it up to you.
they felt silly to even be fighting with each other to begin with because look at the consequences ): they got you crying and freaking out from them yelling at one another, and they always tried their absolute best not to. ):
ugghhh and the fact they’ll give you anything you in order for them to make it up to you… they’re such saps for their girl.
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kjoev part 7 junkook gets kidnapped by charli cxc
auther's note:: hey guys this is my first time posting another part to this fic you can read the oter ones here at this linkhttps://strxnged.tumblr.com/post/737020867456942080/lover-part-5-because-you-guys-have-neen
so basically in this fic you are jimin's girlfriend and you're there when he gets kidnapped and you have to get him back like the olivia rodrigo song. the one that goes i wanna get him back
its really important to me that you guys like this so let me know if you dont like it and i will post a better part soon i pormise
trigger warning death and blood
taglist: @bladism @milk-violet @howdyfriend @constellarus @daddyjackfrost
@short4life @rainswept @milkstore
jimin is walking down thhe street with his best frinds, gjungkook and rap mosnter. suddenly jimin feels a hand on his neck and he is uplled int oa sleek black limozine. they tie a rope around him his hands and legs. to the car.
thten suddenly the car hi a bump and fell over onto a girl lap. jimin looked up. it was her? charli cxc looked at him and said "shh be quiet we're going somewhere where nobody will find you"
"jimin shouted you can't do this i have a job i have to get back to my fans and my girlfriend"
"don't worry baby mochi there's no military where we're going. baybe"
his orbs widened into big circles on his face. he dropped his jaw. "no we can't Go there I have a friends who will find mme and kill you."
then Charlie showed him a song that went The airport. The airport. the airport. "This is mine," she told him possessively. "You know im famous."
,
"It cant be said jin
the car went one meanwhile you were in the passenger seat at the front with the driver because you saw it happen and youu broke into the car so that you could save your talented and beautiful boyfriend from being kidnapped except you werent didn't know hoat to stop the car while it was going because there was a driver in the drivers seat and he had the music really loud.
"I'm coming for you baby," you told jimin who was in the back of the limosseine. "I got you baby. Charlie can't hurt you now."
Then fangs grew out of your mouth and you sunk your teeth into the driver and then you tackled Charli xcs to the floor to so that you she couldn't move aymore. Then you sucked. Hard.
All the blood left her face as you sucked the blood from her veins and int o your own veins. She tasted good.Yso good you forgot that your boyfriend who had been kinaped was watching. "I'm i got you babym y"
The two of you ran out of the old building and set it on fire. Then jungkook picked you up and wrapped your legs all the way around his waste into a knot . and he kissed you like his life depended on it. You could feel his tongue snaking into your fanged mouth as you opened your mouth to allow him entry. Then everything went black
the end of part 6 guys please let me know if you ant to know what happens next in Love the series
#love the series#btd#btsxr eader#fanfiction#loona x jackson wang#thank you guys so much i hope you enjoyed let lme know if you want me to post part 7 i've been really excited by all your intereste get in#get in touch#thank you#goodbye
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abigail hobbs the most doomed character in the entire narrative
#im so sad about her#SHE DESERVED BETTER#dont worry girl IM GETTING YOU OUT OF THERE#talking tag#abigail hobbs#nbc abigail hobbs#hannibal#nbc hannibal#hannibal nbc#hannibal rewatch
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Quick ugly doodle of cassidy contemplating her sexuality at some dump somewhere
#fallout#fallout new vegas#fnv#rose of sharon cassidy#fallout cass#veronica santangelo#yeah sure ill tag her too#art'd#LISTEN. IF I DONT TALK ABOUT MY CASS/VERONICA IDEA I WILL EXOLODE#basically they meet thru stim and like veronicas interested but gives up the idea pretty quick cuz cass is “straight”#and cassidys like omg finally a woman around here LETS HANG OUT GIRL BEST FRIENDDD and veronica goes along with it#but after cass tries to get her to oogle at dudes with her one too many times as a bonding activity veronicas like#cass im so sorry i cant do this im gay and cass is like (brain fart) um font worry im a hashtag ALLY.#and then she mentions she also sleeps with women and veronicas like ????? that does not sound straight to me#cue cass being like pshhh whatever and then having a multi long sexuality crisis#and also becoming obsessed with veronica in a very gay way for some reason#sorry my demons took hold of me#i love dumbass bisexual cassidy you guys dont get it......or do you (eyebrow raise)
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I would love a drawing about how tiny Pete is compared to Travie, like, Travie scooping Pete up and carrying him around, doesn't have to be nsfw but I can think of sexy ideas of Pete being so tiny if you want
Hellloooooo did you know I love trete so much like so so so much like I made this a year or so ago
Anywhooooooo here ya go, I drew all of these with hearts in my eyes and I hope you can tell 💕
#tRETE MY BELOVED#slightly doxxing myself a lil whoopsie#if you know me no you dont please dont interact with my personal acct#but to be clear you can interact with my art insta no worries#anywyeas TRAVIE IS SO BEAUTIFUL AND THEY ARE ALWAYS SO HAPPY AND AFFECTIONATE AND LOVING AND CUTE AND SEXY#and i know everyone wants travie to Dom because he's tall and said that thing about girls passing out but personally i think we need to even#it out with some subby travie#like he's suuuuuuuuuuuch a sweetheart we need more content of him being a big softie#pleeeeeaaaase give me more travie him and Pete are in love and that's just real and canon#i say as someone who draws peterick every chance i get#im a dirty dirty multishipper#decaydance is just a polycule it's fine#anyways#Pete#travie#art#request#trete#preh#preh Pete#preh travie#i love requests where i can just draw a few different ones to satisfy it
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also while we're here i would like to share the two iterations of tumblr user gorespawn that have existed since i abandoned this blog back in like early 2021. Who wants me
#i grew my hair out so i could twirl my hair while giggling about bald men#and also t.o.p of bigbang#and short men i see at the grocery store who honestly make me feel light-headed with raw and unbridled Want#but that's just a joke. i am. Lesbian#''no ur not'' I AM#anyway i used to be so ripped and hunky but now i am frail and sickly#what getting a job can do to a mf#thankfully i quit my job last week YIPPIIIEEEEEEE so now i will work towards becoming an absolute hunk again#wish me luck#ALSO#if anyone is obsessed with me and remembers all my lore i used to be transgender and i still am like lowkey on the down low#but in a new exciting way#anyway i used to be a gay man and then a stone butch dyke (as seen above) but now im practicing being a girl#it is very difficult but it is also fun. ive never been a girl before so it's a lot#anyway i bought two super cool sexy dresses yesterday for the first time ever in my life#sexy dresses meaning up to my neck and down to my feet and past my elbows. kind of like a wardrobe straight out of the handmaid's tale#from (to quote my friend) ''*The* old lady store'' thanks man. well i think theyre pretty and its v exciting bc ive never been a girl befor#anyway#who wants me#i still use the name emil online btw and i honestly always will i think it's just so me and also i do still answer to he/him dw#in a man way not in a he/him lesbian way#''he's LGBTQA+'' what. all at once?#yes.#i have mastered them all i have collected all the genders and all the sexualities and ive never been ''wrong''#it just keeps switching. which is fine. well im a girl now. in a detransitioning man way. who is insanely attracted to men#but you will have to tear this lesbian label out of my cold dead hands#''you can't call urself lesbian if u have sex w men'' well first of all fuck you and second of all i am celibate so you dont need to worry#''what the hell are you talking about'' nothing. now look how hot i am#im just joking around i hope that's fine w y'all
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as we approach the start of a new semester i'm sending all the compassion and empathy in the world to students who struggle with procrastination and what I affectionately like to call the Shame Monster that goes along with it. it sucks to always be treading water and feeling like a fraud to yourself and others, especially when it's something you truly care about. if you're always thinking "why can everyone else be responsible and organized but not me," your brain is overgeneralizing. you're not the only person to experience being overwhelmed and stuck. and even IF everyone else balanced their life perfectly, that wouldn't make you a bad person for struggling. if you care about something but keep avoiding it and don't understand why, there is probably more going than you realize. if your physical and mental health are being neglected, then you're never going to be able to accomplish what you want to do because you don't have any gas in the tank. it took me crashing and failing last semester for me to finally admit to myself that i was suffering from some SERIOUS burnout. i had this whole plan for research i was going to do over the summer and all these opportunities i wanted to take advantage of that i couldn't do because i was neglecting to take care of myself. the worst thing my anxious brain told me could ever happen did happen and i'm still alive. i hope that doesn't happen to you, but know you can recover and come back better. also: it's okay to stop wanting what you thought you wanted, or to take a different path than the one you were "supposed" to. don't do things because you think other people expect you to, or because you think it's too late to change your mind. that isn't sustainable. your college experience is for YOU, not for other people. you can do this!
#these are things that have been said before and im sure other students have figured it out earlier than me#but as i go into my senior year this is the advice i would have given myself four years ago and the stuff im still trying to remember#so maybe it will help someone else :)#*me remembering how i flamed out 3 months ago* girl its FINE YOURE FINE#this was not my hot scholar summer. but it was my ''treat your depression and stop wanting to kill yourself'' summer so i consider it a win#still have makeup work to finish. i'll get there#also i hope this doesn't sound preachy#i have a significant amount of privilege as a student#i dont go to a prestigious uni but i have a full scholarship so i get to study want i want and not worry about loans (<- american)#i have professors who have been flexible with me and supportive family#i know other students have individual economic social familial etc. pressures that complicate what i said above#im finally trying to work with my brain as it is and get out of the AWFUL procrastinate->overcompensate cycle that i've been in for 3 yrs#i dont have adhd afaik but i find posts about executive function struggles EXTREMELY relatable in a way that is probably connected#to my anxious depressive brain#you can ignore my essay this is basically a therapeutic exercise lmao
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ARCANE EPISODE 7!!!!
MY GOD I WASNT READY FOR ANY OF THIS!!! WHAT WAS THAT!!!
Also ekko wallpaper I got with my fries lmao
#OH MY GOOOD!!!!!! POWDER AND EKKO!!! AND BENZOOOOOO#ITS LITERALLY WHAT COULD HAVE BEEN OMGG!!!!! POWDER LOOKS SO CUTE 😭😭😭😭 IM CRYING ALREADYYYY#VANDER WITH A BUN!! AND EVERYTHING IS SO FULL OF LIGHT!!! HER EYES!!! MYLO LOOKS SO RIDICULOUS AKDJSK THIS GIRLAAA#“where would you be without her” WELL BUDDY IF YOU KNEW HOW HE IS WITH HER!!! VI IS DEAD????? OR SHE WAS TAKEN FOR THE INCIDENT!!!#LOOK AT WHAT YOU DID JAYCE!!! MY GOD!!! THE GEMS KILLED VI SO THEY JUST COMPLETELY PROHIBITED THEM!!! JAYCE IS IN JAIL PROBABLY!!#the fact we are seeing exactly why jayce should be sorry about what he has done.... and we are seeing him suffer because of it... cinema 🚬#also mel fading into viktor.... also has he realised how she manipulated him in the beggining??? there is so much stuff...#jayce eating contaminated animals and his wound being infected with the arcane too..... is that what will push him....#omg.... ekko likes powder so much... he apologised by painting actual adult vi portraits where the fallen are in his universe 😭😭😭#“she looks so badass” if you knew... is he gonna ask her to help him make hextech.... that is so sick and twisted....#also jayce hurting his leg loke viktor and having to use a cane and brace.... damn and you know whats worse..... that ekko could be like#this with the jinx of his universe IF ISHA HADNT DIED!!! AND IT IS BEACUSE OF JAYCE!! AGAIN!!!!! THIS MAN!!!!!#the drawing with the anomaly and the two men and the inifite symbol... we get it... jayce and viktor forever intertwined by fate....#powder is sensing something is off.... omg time travel..... THE LIMIT IS FOUR SECONDS AFTER HEIMERDINGER EPXLODED ALDHAKSHSKSJSOJSOSLS#i dont want a time travel ending.... if its done for plot to an extent is okay but idk about solving it all.... it makes it feel worhtless#claggor looks so fine its not even funny..... i cant wait to see what everyone thinks. WHERE IS THE LITTLE LADY bc hes called little man 😭#and vander with arm tattoos.... why did they hipster fied him.... he looks younger somehow ajdhakj he went from taking care of 4 kids to 3!#SILCO!!!! AND HE DID TRY TO KILL HIM!! ALSJAKSKAK Ekko just laighing at it.... girl i would be pissed STROMAE??? OMG POWDER!!!!#I JUST REALIZED THE PINK IN HER HAIR IS FOR VI!! AND HER JACKET!! AND A DRESS LIKE HER MOTHER'S!! CRYING!!! FULL BODY CHILLS!!!#CAN WE JUST PRETEND LIKE ITS THE FIRST TIME!!! I GAVE UP ON YOU!!! WHAT HAPPENED BACK THEN I NEED TO KNOW!!! IM SOBBING!!! EKKO!!!!#NOOOOOOO THE ANOMALY NOOOOO!!!! HEIMERDINGER NOOOOO!!!! AND THATS JAYCE!!! IS THAT MAGE VIKTOR???? the monkeys......#the vi toy with the out love song machine.... my god i wasnt expecting any of this i need to breathe i am stil tearing up my god#what a fucking punch in the stomach christ i cant breathe right akdhsksso#the credits saying the deries has benefited from a spanish tax rebate in the canary islands??? you're welcome i guess lmao#animation production carried out there and has ben collaboration with the Spanish gov... alright another win for perro sanxe#talking tag#watching arcane#watching arcane season 2#watching this i dont think im ready for caitvi sex.... after reconciliation even like what will be of me.... now im scared#i am still scared bc idk what happened to jinx and vi and cait still... thats what worried me and boom!! ekko powder with the steel chair..
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Hate thissss I feel like I haven't been properly productive today (somehow posting two art things Doesn't register properly in my mind) so I wanna stay up to get as much as I can down, but I also need to go to sleep in case I'm called in tomorrow because fuuuuuck going to work on little sleep that shit sucks. But also, the possibility of being called in makes me wanna stay up even more, so I can finish art in case I don't have time tomorrow. So now I'm sat up at 12:30 tired as shit but unable to draw or go to bed. The never-ending cycle of hell.
#ramblings#i wish they had someone else to call in on short notice. i dont hate coming in extra but i hate getting a text at like 7:10 when kennel#hours in the morning start 7:30. i knowww i should probably set a boundary but like. fuck#and you know what i wish my parents bothered to fucking understand how frustrating it is being called in so frequently#my mom specifically. i bring stuff with work up and its like a broken record. `if you go in all the time youll be seen as reliable!`#when i was talking about getting a day off to see my brothers marching last weekend she was like#`see what did i tell you? you make yourself reliable and theyll let you take off what you need` talking like i just asked for it off#after it had already been scheduled. girl i had to ask people to cover me still. i just#i hate it. i havent told her i told them i didnt wanna work clinic hours because she'd drill me about why#its just frustrating !! and when i say my genuine feelings its like she needs to correct me. like im thinking wrong.#this is why i had to fucking snap before setting the boundary of not covering clinic hours. because its always#`do what they ask every time because youll seem reliable` from my mom no matter fucking what. and then i already have issues#setting boundaries in general because i dont want to upset others or make them mad at me#ok sorry this has turned into. a wholeass vent. im just. at my wits end can you tell?#at this rate im really just getting nothing done. im going to bed#dont worry about me ill be fine. i just need to let it out and this is kinda my only outlet rn
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when i was in highschool one o my biggest coping mechanisms was drawing all the kids i hated getting killed and eaten and killed. and well. time is a slowly ascending spiral. you will find patterns.(i work as a blackjack dealer. gamblers are FASCINATING
#cw blood#luckys original content#ITS SMALL BUT ITS ART SO IT GOES ON THE ART BLOG#also wwaooooww its meee its my lil persona!!! i dont draw myself enough....#anyway i have bigger things in the works. im slowly but surely chipping away at a pd thumbnail for that pd thumbnail project#FINALLY COLORING. BUT COLORING IS SO HARD AND I HAVNT BEEN IN THE COLORING MOOD#SO IVE JUST BEEN MAKING RLY DUMB COMICS INSTEAD... OOPS..#idk if anything finished n polished will be posted here anytime soon. BUT i post wips of everything on my twitter#and i post jrwi exclusive wips on my slucky blog. you may look at those if u have Truck Art Wishdrawls. as many do. as many do#THIS BLACKJACK JOB IS RLY AWESOME BTW DONT GET ME WRONG#i work three 12-hour days ina row. i gotta take an hourlong bus up to the depths o the mountains and then#i get to stay in this delightful lil hotel that was built in an ooold hospital. its a whole casino town. and an OLD one at that#ITS GORGEOUS HERE. last week my bus home was delayed for 2 hours#so i finally got the chance to head to other casinos and try drinkin n gambling. lost ten bucks to a pretty girl. NOT the first time#i rlly wanna try it again!!! i love interracting w ppl and i love being inebriated in public bc im just so sweet and pleasant and friendly#and pretty girls LLOOOOVEE MEEEEE i think i just need to go to gay bars more#but theres fucking NONE HERE. HELP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! im collectin comrade queers up here tho#we wanna make a Group but we just gotta come up witha name first. i need something weird and strange#yknow i remember being in highschool. and being miserable n unmedicated. my mommas ultimatum was that;#if i dont drop out of highschool; i dont need to move out. she probably wouldntve kicked me out anyway bc my mommas sweet like that but#she REALLY wanted me to graduate. and i remember dreading that i might never do that#i remember feeling like the Resident Idiot. sweet but so so fucking dumb. it took me 7 years of strife n stress before i finally graduated#i remember worrying back then that i might not ever be able to handle myself out there. that i'd be too dependant on others#AND HERE I AM. DID U KNOW I WAS LOOKIN AT HOUSES A WHILE AGO? IM AN ADULT AND IM WWINNINNNGGGGGGG#IM RUNNING OUTA ROOM BUT HERES MY ADVICE TO YOU. BC I KNOW UR FUCKING SCARED TOO. THE ONE THING THAT SAVED ME.#THAT KEPT ME FROM SINKING INTO DESPAIR IS REMEMBERING ONE THING: ITS LITERALLY JUST LIKE VIDEO GAMES#MOST PPL YOU CAN JUST WALK UP TO N ASK A QUESTION N THEYLL ANSWER. THEYRE ALL NPCS THEYRE NOT REAL#LIKE IF U WALK INTO A BANK AND ASK HOW A DEBIT CARD WORKS THEY WILL HELP YOU#AND IF YOU THINK THEY HAVE ULTERIOR MOTIVES RELATING TO MONEY. YOU CAN ASK THE CUSTOMERS TOO. ITS JUST LIKE VIDEO GAMES#ANYWAY STAY SAFE KIDS HAVE FUNNNNN. IM GOING TO GO DO DRUGS NOW. HOPE U CAN DO DRUGS SOON TOO. I LOVE YOU
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hm.
#if you find yourself worried that growing in faith will remove parts of your personality becayde you might suddenly lose interest in#what makes you you#thats something you really have to like Investigate. deep down. because in the end even if you change a bit you will be Better. l#like you will be where God wants you to be#the heart is deceitful above all things and desperately wicked etc#like i GET IT but also . growing in faith doesnt make you a Totally Different Person it doesnt take away all your interests#maybe it changes how you interact with them and the importance you place on them but like#me being more spiritually mature than i was a year ago doesn't mean that im not interested in poetry anymore or i dont like all the media#im invested in anymore#EVEN when i felt called to stop listening to secular music#i was like oh well ill just be boring now#no girl theres worlds out there of good music by christian artists you just gotta find it#anyways. this is rambly#i cant really make this concise#but really like. sometimes you gotta reconsider your priorities#God created you as you are WITH your personaliyy#sure we were born in sin etc but your personality being sanctified does not mean that you will lose it#yk#anyways#reminds me of this story abt a guy asking an older brother about if he should be listening to secular music#and the brother was like . ok well first off answer me this#if God told you to only listen to ska music for the rest of your life would you listen#and the guy was like ?? what??? no???#and the brother was like well then you still place your preferences higher than Gods#kind of silly and i do still think theres nuance in the music thing#but like. Yk. The Basic Idea
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guess who's gna hv to go to the hospital tmr and probably hv the infected wound surgically removed
#ITS ME ☝️☝️☝️☝️💥💥💥#skipping sch is so fun yall infection be damned#okay tiny rant after this yall hv been warned#THIS GIRL VERY FUNNY AH#bro ur concern means absolute jack SHIT to me if all youre gna do is be a bitch about it#yeah okay i admit i have zero clue how to treat wounds esp infected ones n i didnt even know the infection was this severe until someone#until my friends told me today#LIKE YEAH I ADMIT ID BE THE TYPE OF PERSON FIRST TO DIE IN A HORROR MOVIE#but like that doesnt give you the excuse to keep calling me dumbass/idiot/stupid#and all the other synonyms of dumb youve been calling me today????#like girl YOURE the certified first aider not me???#and like the qualifications doesnt even give u the right to call me dumb like what the hell#like ik shes concerned for me bec she was the one helping me treat my wound today b4 i saw a doctor#but like she kept making it sound like im a 5yo w absolutely zero sense of safety and shit#and like she kept making it sound like i was FORCING her to help me#NO I WASNT ??#YOU OFFERED?? THEN YOU STARTED BEING AN ASS ABOUT IT???#then like she kept. calling me stupid. like even after the joke got old#bec at first it was her and my other friends teasing me about it and it was funny at first but then she kept going on n on even after that??#then she forced me to see a doctor which i admit was smart i shldve gone to a doctor like. yesterday 😭😭#but then when we were at the clinic she deadass said smth along the lines of “i hv to work and worry sm bec of YOU today”#as if i forced her to accompany me to the doctor??? but it was HER idea ????#also she deadass called the nurse who dressed my wound unprofessional#and she called the doctor i saw on saturday useless bec the antibiotics he prescribed me last week werent working#like. bro if ur so smart then why dont YOU go med sch rn and become a doctor huh#bro ur goofy ahh 1y/o first aid cert aint shit compared to the guy who spent 12+ years studying med n working for even more years than that#like i cannot get over the fact she kept calling me dumbass the entire day#and it was so aggressively too and she threatened to slap me bec i was “being stupid”#and like she kept making my infection out to be so severe as if i wld drop dead right that second or my arm wld fall off or some shit#AAAAAAAAA THIS GOT SO LONG I HIT 30 TAGS WHOOPS HAVE A MWAMWA IF U READ THIS LONG IM SORRY IM JS PISSED BUT I TRIED NOT TO SWEAR 😭😭🙏🙏
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The most frustrating part of engaging in any of this discourse with pro-Israel people is that they claim there's just something ineffable about "seeing and understanding" how supporting Palestinian liberation is directly calling for the eradication of Jewish people (as if that type of rhetoric isn't exactly how actual antisemitism often manifests in online spaces but that's a topic for another day)
They get through people debunking the "the land belongs to the people of Israel anyway" argument and the "LGBTQ Palestinians are safe in Israel" argument and the "Genocide isn't what's happening here so you should educate yourself" argument and when all of those points are meticulously disproven over and over they still stand with "Well, myself and your Jewish friends see the hate you have in your heart for us" and it truly doesn't matter what you say at that point because even if you yourself are Jewish they will claim that refusing to support the state, government and military of Israel is inherently hateful and bigoted, as if a religious ethnostate is some inherent human right that is being taken away from them. I know many of them are blinded by the relentless propaganda that's been around their whole lives and how hard it is to break free from a belief system that is so tied to your core identity as a human being but it is so frustrating watching people being led straight to the point over and over again and just turning around and refusing to see it.
It's also so frustrating to see people using the momentum of this movement to casually tack on actual antisemitism to these discussions, as if having Jewish people in positions of power is why the US bends over backwards to excuse the actions of Israel and not, yknow, the fact that our government directly benefits from having a military stronghold in the middle east. I've talked to some well-meaning pro-Palestine friends irl who casually use antisemetic talking points because they've ALSO bought into the narrative that Israeli = Jewish and so they blame the actions of Israel and the IDF on Jewish people's "religious values" and ignore the fact that this conflict really has almost nothing to do with religion itself and everything to do with capitalism, imperialism and maintaining the US's status as a so-called "global power".
#dont get me wrong there are lots of people on the pro palestine side who are very much aware of and vigilant against antisemitic rhetoric#but i genuinely worry about some of my non-jewish leftist friends and allies falling down some super shady pipelines because of all of this#i spend a lot of my time on my public facing social media sharing articles and graphics and whatnot about antisemitism#and how careful we need to be when calling out these atrocities and our government's complicity in them#but when one side is genuinely claiming with no evidence or argument that being against colonial occupation is just antisemitism#it makes it so hard to call out actual antisemitism within these spaces bc it delegitimizes antisemitism as a concern#i just want to scream#like. im not even jewish and i vividly remember when we had a special lesson in girl scouts about how wonderful Israel is#and they had us make little mini versions of the israel flag and they told us that israel stood for the safety of the jewish people#and i came home and i told my mom about how cool israel was#and she promptly pulled me out of girl scouts#which at the time felt unfair because she didnt explain why#but also how do you explain the horrors of colonialism and imperialism to your newly zionist 10 year old#anyway the point is that if i as a non-jewish girl scout was exposed to that kind of propaganda#i can only imagine how inescapable it must be for many american jews in the US#and i truly empathize with the amount of unlearning that needs to be done#and how hard it must be to let go of some of these ideas#but that doesnt make it any less frustrating to watch these dynamics play out on such a massive scale#and i hold so much respect for people in white jewish communities re-educating themselves and standing on the right side of history#as well as for all of the people of color and especially American Palestinians standing up and using their voices as much as they do#personal
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hm
thinking of my blorbos but not in a "i love you you love me all is well" way but a "i love you hope you kill me" way lol
#cylas vents#negativity#negative#death wish#lmao#bitches be like '[potentially concerning thing]' and then add 'lol' as if it's funny or a joke lmao#like i mean technically it's not but then again it is bc it's me. like yeah don't worry don't take this seriously don't mind me ok#it doesn't really matter anyway kk. or maybe it's more like I'm the joke.#like idk the thought that like most of my f/os would probably kill me on sight should be less comforting than it is i guess#imagine casually making posts like this and still being like 'ok but maybe im not actually mentally ill maybe im faking maybe im lying to#myself maybe im making excuses maybe im imagining things maybe im just lazy' etc etc#none of the antidepressants since fluoxetine decided it's over have done shit and even my psychiatrist now is always like 'hm. so do you#want to keep trying other things' and like yeah what else can i do? therapy didnt do anything for this specific issue and the tagesklinik#lady didnt really seem to get my issue (well her suggestions for like therapy groups or whatever were more about socialising or whatever#like ??? girl that's really not the main problem here lmao but she also did have a point about how i would have to actually go there every#day etc but like#what else am i supposed to do#hi i am always tired and sometimes struggle to even get out of bed and thats why i worry about getting a job or something bc it could become#too much or whatever but like unfortunately thats kind of a requirement for everything lmao#when psychiatrist asks what i want/expect or whatever i am internally like 'a magic pill that just fixes everything and makes me a normal#functional human being' but like that's just not A Thing (tm)#so. like. what else am i supposed to do.#i don't want to be like this forever#idk how to tag lmai#using stuff like#tw suicidality#tw suicidal#tw suicidal ideation#just feels so over the top and like i dont have the right to use them lol
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Same venue. Same-ish crowd. Opposing seasons. Contrasting vibes.
#me#sometimes you have a few beers and yr feeling yrself. sometimes you feel too much like yourself and consider leaving early#for all the talk of yearning and intricate rituals let me tell you. a drunk girl sidled in right in front of me and the sense of rage i-#her and esp the guys she was with got kinda rowdy in the pit later on shoving each other also into the crowd whom did NOT want part of that#its a lot of people in a small room and at this point i was already further back and against a wall let me tell you#i think if someone had touched me i might have snapped fr#still had an ok time though once i got over feeling super embarrassed about my self and dared looking other people in the eye lol ah#one thing i do like abt the culture is the genderneutrality of it all... the most long and luscious locks in the room belong to some guy#and i can show up in sport bra and oversized shirt no typa bag no makeup wearin black laceup boots that could be m or f#my gender is uh. dont worry abt it lets just turn off the lights and vibe#got talking w someone tho who said she recognised me frm a diff event & i didnt much like that idea.. im not in the mood to be Perceived at#the venue IS p cool tho... like oo at a forgotten space on the other side of the tracks. by the water. by the skate park. yea#edit HOW could i forget. the rowdiest of drunk guys got either shamed into stepping out or str8 removed fr a lil while im not sure lol#and another guy wantedto crowdsurf but only 2 of his friends came to the stage to get him so he just kinda. crawled on top of them#and they awkwardly took a few steps carrying him round the vacated front. none of the crowd wanted shit to do w them lmao
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