#dont tell me he has a fucking emotional connection to it. jesus

[cenfitto]

i miss viktor oh my god they robbed us i was nutting in my jorts when this shit came on in season 1 with the fucking framing to pose the arm over his shoulder oh my god. can you imagine up at 3am to watch this on release and here comes a direct foreshadow teaser for your fucking Boy. i am chasing that high for the rest of my life like actually. and then they DONT EVEN FOLLOW THROUGH ON IT. WHY IS HE MAGIC. FUCK. WE COULD HAVE HAD IT ALL

[coweggomelet]

i apparently enjoy putting down my thoughts on the off chance someone will read it and enjoy it so here’s rwby rewatch vol 3. i’m ready to be sad!!

(note: it’s long i’m sorry, i have many thoughts and i tried to narrow it down but oh boy do i think im funny)

- the SOUND DESIGN. AGAIN

- ruby you’re so precious. so sweet. so eager. so earnest. c’mere and i’ll protect you from all the bad shit that happens to you later

- hi cardboard cutout tai

- i keep getting an ad for a rooster teeth show called camp betrayal and the way this man says “hoo hoo hoo” will haunt me for the rest of time

- oh shit the fact that it’s called amity has such insane implications for what it’s used for later. jesus.

- “bffs!” “No.” “…/yessss/” love them

- yeet the yang

- god ruby’s admiration of emerald is so sad in retrospect like… oh boy ruby you’re in for it

- PYRRHAAAAA I LOVE YOU DONT LEAVE ME

- “even if you know how a story ends, that doesn’t make it any less fun to watch” wow cinder are you psychic

- ummmm they’re having a talk can you please respect their privacy

- thor whomst??? i only know nora valkyrie

- BROODY MAN

- hiiiii gavin

- so much mid battle banter. in the middle of a big important fight they just have to make jokes and argue. i love teenagers

- SILENCE YOU BOOB

- awww winter you’re a disaster and you’re horribly emotionally repressed because of your bitch ass dad but jesus christ you care about your little sister and you wanna know she’s doing okay and i’m emotional about it

- PENNYYYYY my love just keep being you

- jeez i forgot how early on ironwood was talking his shit about being “someone who will act”, the “only person” who will do what needs to be done, as if his course of action is what needs to be done

- every single person who underestimates emerald and mercury gets so fucked up. like so many people look at these youngerish teenagers with some funny one liners and banter and go “oh they seem capable and they’re confident and funny so i like em but i can take em” and then absolutely get the shit kicked out of them. and i think that’s why they’ve been so successful, cause nobody takes them seriously enough to consider them a threat.

- see this is why i love rwby. coco just turned her handbag into a gatling gun and cut down a field of grass with it

- god the way they hint at emerald’s semblance before fully showing what it is. *chef’s kiss*

- winter marry me

- we love an uncle who absolutely destroys his nieces at video games

- “they do and they’re called silver!” ruby i love you

- top heavy. heheh

- this dude’s weapon is a trumpet!! she’s got glowing nunchucks!! i love this show!!

- this battle music is AMAZING what the FUCK they’re fighting to JAZZ

- cinder if you keep having vague ominous dialogue people are gonna get the wrong idea

- oh yeah great idea asking a child to take on immense power which sends her into a stressed out panicky spiral and alienates her from the people she finally feels legitimately connected to and for once didn’t feel alienated from

- oh fuck. oh fuck the finals. oh god. oh no.

- she’s so happy. she’s so ready to have a good fight. i’m gonna cry

- FUCK

- and with one moment, the entire show flipped on its head

- god when i watched that the first time i fuckin freaked. i was not prepared man. i was warned. but i was not prepared for this much of a fucking tone change man. that quickly. like tone changes (in my experience) normally happen gradually, but this one happened in, what? 30 seconds?

- fuck

- god this is so bad

- and it GETS WORSE i can’t do this

- love that we can see yang’s distraught eyebrows through her bangs

- after this episode was the first time my friend asked me “how we doing buddy?” and i’ve only wanted to kill her more since then

- oh god emerald’s backstory. this poor child. she was so alone and cinder was there and said i can give you a place i can give you a purpose i can give you security and emerald latched on so hard.

- hiiiii laura bailey i wish you had more than a lil baby line and some sounds of effort

- god that little anklet

- god what a fuckin backstory episode man. backstory? evil plan explanation? idk but it was good

- great parent move. telling your kid you’ll only save them once.

- jaune you sweet good boy. what a good boy. i love him

- god this poor child. she doesn’t deserve this. FUCK i’m so sad. is that the last conversation they have?

- oooooh shit this song is so good. what the fuck i have chills it’s so fitting

- god everyone else is so happy and excited and then there’s ruby who is one of the very few people who knows how bad a fight between penny and pyrrha could be and pyrrha who’s got to decide if she wants someone else’s aura smushed with hers, which could turn her into a different person. FUCK

- peeeennyyyyy “salutations!! it’s an honor to meet you!” it huuuurts

- it makes me so sad but damn was this a good diabolical plan

- god im so sad. penny is so good. and pyrrha’s fuckin eyes. and ruby just collapsing. jesus christ. it’s all fuckin falling apart

- oh fuck here we go. those klaxons are so terrifying

- it makes me so happy that torchwick gets rescued and then like maybe a couple episodes later just gets swallowed

- the fuckin adam fight is coming up too. jesus. really piling on here

- RUBY IS USING ONE OF PENNY’S SWORDS IM GONNA CRYYY

- and she doesn’t even hesitate to save pyrrha

- the one and only time (to my memory) that ironwood is gentle is when he says no one would blame the students if they left. that might be the last time he actually remembers that they’re all teenagers and feels sympathy for these children with all this pressure on them

- oh yeah the big boy

- the first time i watched this i was LOSING MY MIND this whole time. like yang attacked mercury and from then on man. just freaking out.

- eurgh grimm juice

- c’mon blake you got this. i mean. technically you don’t. the fight goes poorly. but you fuckin try and you’re so brave about it and i love youuu

- shut the FUCK up adam you GROOMED her you ASSHOLE

- aahhhh i love velvet!!! her semblance and her whole fighting style is so goddamn cool and has such interesting implications for using weapons and powers of people who are dead

- OH SHIT SHE DOES SUMMON HERE DOESNT SHE. partly but still

- get fucked, torchwick. GET FUCKED. get fuckin chomped

- a backhanded slap feels so much more violent than any fighting with weapons

- uh oh evil katniss

- god. the fucking blood splatter turning the whole shot red. just their silhouettes. the slow motion. the arm slowly separating.

- my friend was also a big fan of “how we feeling?”

- bad. the answer is bad you fuckin sadist

- oz is… a lot of things, and one of them is a goddamn good fighter

- oh god oh noooo she’s gonna kiss & yeet AWWWW FUCK this is heartbreaking

- pyrrha i love you

- if i don’t look it’s not real

- oh pyrrha my love

- awww hey tai. what a good dad. love tai

- i’m so sad. everyone’s so sad. and then salem just has to do an ominous lil monologue where she lays out her whole plan to divide them and makes a fuckin semblance pun. she’s such a good villain

- jacque you stiff bitch

- they’re all fuckin scattered and depressed

- love team rnjr tho

- there she is. god what an ending

[plasticbattleaxe]

thoughts on the amnesty finale

! warning big spoilers !

that intro went HARD AS SHIT GRIFFIN

like the atmostphere of the amnesty theme in a minor key getting progressivly more alien? the corrupted, creepy wrongness of the voice editing? so well executed

the foreshadowing of beacon getting closer to his final purpose being able to pop the bubbles and stuff? excellent

on the subject of beacon what a little shit i love him “Wayynnnne Newwwton” what a perfect representation of the ‘little shit’ friend

travis roll over a 5 challenge

the worldbuilding!!!!! that scifi setting of a cyber punk future slowly rotting... 

griffin really has a habit of turning his “fantasy” stories scifi right at the end though huh

the organic matter pods were such a good visual, almost matrix-esque, and imagining Jane forming in one of those things and then disolving?  jesus christ dude

JUSTIN WAS ON HIS GAME!!!! HE PLAYED DUCK SO WELL IN THIS ONE

its so wild to think that griffin has just been sitting on this backstory for so long and how much stuff actually played into it like remember that line from the tree arc where Indrid says to duck “all those futures changed when you saved that goat man” like holy shit what would have happened if duck hadnt saved billy

billy???????? BILLY!!!!!!!!

 god not focus on duck but damn what a fucking badass - beacon carving his way through the room just absolutely WRECKING all of those tanks is so cool he has come so far from duck “im just a regular guy’ newton  

thacker connecting with the hive mind and essentially telling a millions of year old entity to essentially get fucked is so him excellent job clint

BILLY IS BACK!!! BILLY IS ALIVE AGAIN! THANK TRAVIS FOR TRAVIS

beacon achieving his purpose made me so irrationally bittersweet like on one hand im like “fuckin superb you funky little sword” and on the other “no sir dont take him away thats my emotional support bastard”

billy using slang and talking as though hes a modern day teenager was buckwild like has he just been chilling with jake and pidgeon while we werent looking 

griffin you also have a thing for “characters making a huge decision right at the finale” huh

THE MUSIC. GOES. HARD. AS. FUCK. AMNESTY THEME REPRISE 

thacker essentially having psychic skype session with mama is so funny imagine being mama and being woken in the middle of the night cause this asshole you have a psychic link with keeps asking you to bring him gorp

the quell personified and seeking out thacker is such a rewarding redemption arc. good for her 

aubrey willing to stay with dani no matter where she goes :’)

“hi honey-” “OH MY GOD”

aubrey running across a feild with flowers spreading behind her is some ghibli movie shit and i really cannot wait to see art of it

aubrey in cannon carrying around a hiking bags worth of shampoo to keep her hair red? thats bisexual energy

PUDDING TREE

i love the aubrey dani interactions theyre always so genuinly sweet and endearing - dani saying “im hungry” and aubrey immediately just  “ight ima make a tree i guess”

griffin hesitiating when he describes dani kissing aubrey to make it less wieird was also very good like theres an audible second of silence before he says “on the cheek”

“this is only the beginining” travis this was the third time i cried this episode 

the music!!!!!!!!!!! was so good!!!!!!!!!!! here!!!!!!!!!!

duck going to help the forrest fires in brazil was so cool cause its true to character but also true to justins values :)

“honey-” HONEY?

okay i literally did a double take here because (im guessing griffin also thought this) that Juno and Duck would end up together. I’m totally on board with minerva it was just really out of the blue 

justins monolgue here was so good it was really heart wrenching and a beautiful conclusion to ducks arc

Griffin throwing in some subtle sternclay. like. we see you dude.

amnesty lodge sunset reprise is officially my new favourite song from the entire TAZ ost INCLUDING BALANCE 

Mama finally being able to pursue her art in proper now that she has a chance to follow her own dreams instead of keeping the world safe

Barclay not being afraid of who will recognise him

Jake, keith and hollis kicking it again :)

kirby maintaining neds legacy at the crytonomica

ned :(

oh fuck ned :(

at this point i was sobbing because this was all so bittersweet like Neds legacy, the gang seeing eachother again, the gentle music. it was like you were in that moment with them

griffin WHERE IS PIDGEON 

my favourite moment in this whole season was the last visual. mama standing on the deck in the cool night air, the sun setting behind her as she walks down to meet her friends and see the future she worked so hard for - all the while the gentle strum of the guitar plays in the background? beautiful. so fuckign beautiful 

im so thankful for the mcelroys giving us this treasure of a story and im so glad i got to see it unfold 

[smallestclowninthecircus]

Season 3 notes popping off

due to my desire to not completely fail all my classes this year i made myself slow down significantly while listening to this season, and the fact that the other person i'm listening along with had to catch up. We've managed to convert several other people to start listening and its pretty great.

ep 81: what does it even mean to be chosen by one of them? And if he was chosen by the eye. we know Gertrude wasnt? Because she cut the eyes out of the magazines?

ep 82: elias lmao. I understand why people like him so much bahshdhdk i thought he was gonna snitch on Jon but he didnt so he's fine. Ok but how do we think he knew all that stuff. Idk probably just institute connections. I love the fact that the recorder just wants to record stuff randomly bjahsjdhd. Elias feels a lot like Michael in the sense that he knows more than he should and talks in a way that implies he just wants to wait and see how things play out for his own benefit. I understand him knowing the things that happened but his description of her emotions implies something paranormal. Maybe he's connected to one of the entities. Which one I cannot guess.

ep 83: did a file get delivered randomly to the place he's staying at? Probably elias lmao. He thinks the mannequin is related to the stranger. Idk I would believe it.

ep 84: worms? I know he says earth worms but idk. Again? Is she making gordon golems out of trash? Martin popping off. You can tell the statements get to him more that they get to Jon. How come martin is so mad about it? I want to assume he just doesnt want her to get stuck there but idk. Jude Perry. The calliope organ. Jon heard a circus in one of the last episodes

ep 89: he's talking to perry? Like jude Perry? He says ... God? Is that what it is? Lmao. The Desolation. Jon is tired of ppl being vague and not telling him stuff lmao. Oh God Jon is so confused. Compel her? Is she assuming he has some kind of power? Does he have powers? Hmm. im agreeing with jon here please jesus christ why does everyone have to be so cryptic. Just say what you mean. "maybe you get an itchy eye" bahasjkdfklsjdf girl what. Agnes saved her? Oh this is the girl from the cafe story? So theres the Cult of the Lightless Flame? They worship whatever entity this is? The Desolation? Why do they all seem like they sorta worship her then? Is Gretchen gonna die oh god. fuckin michael. a different michael aaah. i see. dont do it shes gonna burn you. sir. please. sir dont you dare do- WHAT DID I SAY what did you think was gonna happen hhh.

ep 90: try to make it less obvious you're trying to get fired big T. Elias that doesnt sound like the most healthy thing to do. oh dear is this gonna be triggering for me. uuuuuh. uuuuuuuuuh. doesnt seem like it ok gonna keep listening. Jared. hmmmmm. Ok we've seen Keay and hotner or whatever his name was.

ep 91: Michael Crew. Oh is this the lightning scar guy. Mister jon sir did you just die. No? God everyone is so fuckin cryptic. Say normal things please. They all just like to go on about pain and agony and j e s u s c h r i s t we get it you got hurted by whatever thing. So theyre avatars? question mark? Jude Perry is an avatar of The Desolation? hhhh fractals. thats a spiral thing innit. Yup. messing with your perceptions. God they all talk about feeding their god and feeding that which feeds them and. hh what does that meann. Leave big J. please. uh oh. is it daisy? how come he has the web lighter still? the tape recorder just turns on sometimes you know how it is. So he can compel people? not that he knows it obviously but. a bit wack. powers go brr i guess? If the eye just wants knowledge i guess he feeds it by getting the statements? b/c i doubt it wants him to murder ppl or whatever.

ep 92: elias you all knowing fuck what do you know. (i guess all given what i just said) Lukas. Heard of them before. Mordecai Lukas. Loneliness. The lonely even. Jonah Magnus. Elias ur sounding like a bit of a dickhead rn. lmao jon's just like "i dont care" elias what is ur deal. Why does he want to tie her in. ohh i see. lmao theyre all just like "elias why" The Unknowing lol seems very much like something the eye wouldnt like. lol elias is gettin all philosophical. what does it really mean to be human. this still doesnt answer why gertrude wanted to destroy the archives tho.

ep 93: bahsjdfh he seems so dead inside rip. awww admiral. i love him already. ghh breacon and hope. purple mold. doesnt sound like anything we've seen so far. I think the funniest explanation for breacon and hope is that they dont actually serve the stranger they just kinda happen to be a random neutral party that cart around random spooky entity related stuff. ooooh. when we hear the slight static of the tape recorder it's cuz he's compelling ppl.

ep 94: the end! listen man they were all just grayed up for 4/13.

ep 95: the end also? death but also savagery/ animalistic shit. aww martin. lmao becerra. she's just been chillin in the corner.

ep 96: return to sender. haha minecraft go brr. prediction: breacon and hope? yup there we go. jon why is there an echo. are you in a stairwell? is he gonna eat it- yup. how did i call it. unsure abt what theyre talking about but ok. they kidnapped someone? Sarah Baldwin. ooooh that guy.

ok im just putting this here so i have notes for when nicholas gets to this part. It seems like (from jon's conversation with jude perry) that the desolation and the eye are kinda at odds with eachother? like i guess not directly but it seems like they dont really vibe? so how could be with both. Cuz if he has the heat powers and shit then we know he's an avatar of the desolation. but then why does he have so much eye imagery. also he got burned intentionally? like jude did when she went on her monologue about the feeling of burning? but then why did he wear the eye pendant. it stops him from being burned all the way which seems like he's not fully accepting the fire or whatever.

Nooooo I lost like a bunch of my notes rip. I keep forgetting to save.

Ep 104: tim gives a coherent statement without jon even being there. Ugh. Fucking robert smirk. Dont like him. Joey. Dont recognize the name. The show must go on. Clown. The spooky circus?

ep 105: total war... shogun 2? jon is just understanding languages again. "if i understood mandarin or cantonese" are you sure you dont big man?

ep 106: havent we heard this one already? mans in space? oh no this is just another episode in space. fairchild... uuuh. cant remember. oh! this is related to that! this is one of the ppl from the other side. sounds like a Vast thing. oh he's the one that the dude saw? but that guy didnt have a face... she's sorta like jon. wanting to dismiss the statements. lmao i love the workplace gossip. ace jon for the win! oh cmon elias dont be a dick. sunny meadows or whatever. thats the place we heard about.

ep 107: oh great is it jude perry again. Third Degree. bahahsdkfj she was arrested. sorry but imagining this old british lady getting arrested is funny. she was trying to resurrect him. using the skin book. he's not feeling well. jon take a nap. i wonder if this is what happens when he uses his powers too much. He gets into The Zone when he reads statements lol. didn't we have a burning train car in anothre statement? is it julia fairchild? bahahahs "kidnapped. Again." poor jon honestly. julia... about her dad. daughter of the murder shed guy? hunting like your dad liked to hunt or normal people hunting. oh hunting vampires!

ep 108: melanie has been suffering. poor martin peter lukas why do you have to be like this. can he not just use the front door? does he have to bother the ppl doing statements?

ep 109: how come he cut her off? kinda rude tbh. its either jon's influence or there was smth he didnt want her saying. is it gerard on the table? this sounds kinda like smth from one of the university episodes. is it the closed eye on the hand? yup. he's like one of the students! if the thing listening in is elias then... he can do that without the tape recorder yknow. plus who's to say it wont just turn itself on again

110: who wants to bet its a leitner?

111: Lukas related to The Lonely. I used to not like Gerard that much but i like him more now. but i thought there were 15? ohhh thats right isnt flesh newer? gerry for the win honestly. finally telling jon things.

112: lol "again" no one ever tells any of these ppl anything. tim and basira are just out of the loop constantly. music, like the war episodes. The hunt or the slaughter? probably the hunt. so Daisy is related to the hunt right? basira likes the reading, she's doing fine at the institute. daisy's getting worried...

113: it just turned on randomly. what is it lol. explossives! oh boy. why do they always assume he turned it on intentionally. melanie youre not making me like you that much. which entity is this about i cant tell. lol he was disappointed it was just the end. The title Breathing Room made me think it was gonna be about the buried but i guess not. So many of these entities deal with death but the end is one that deals in just death. it has no need for fancy deaths, just death is enough

114: more hilltop road statements? the tree. oh boy. ok the tree has 8 arms obviously theres the spider parallels. was she taken into an alternate universe? oh no. jon tries to phrase things so he's not asking questions. thats honestly good. "sometimes i was kidnapped" oh dear. they got gertrude. daisy ur so odd lmao. who wants to bet they dont know the tape recorder's running?

115: silaca? or whatever? antique man? meat grinder... related to the meat is meat episode? oh wow. they buy antiques from him. maybe dont antagonize this creature which can kill you?

116: lol theyre all just so done with elias. music? is it like the one band that if you hear them you die or wtvr. oh its chess? i am very much confused. mmm stranger go brr. gorilla skin? oh shit the dance. woah. this is so good. this is so gender. the words are wonderful. "you can just say tim" lmao trying to fool elias never feels like a good idea.

117: except elias lmaoo. oh shit. leitner getting some use for once idk. bruuh poor melanie she has been thru so much shit. martin you can just say youre worried about jon. lol he's so accurate in his jon impression. lol who was that. was that daisy? lmaoo. oop hi tim. oh god i hope tim doesnt die. i feel like i wouldve heard about that? but im not sure. destroying the source of knowledge is gonna be hard for jon. yay jon! you did a good thing. let him rest.

118: go off martin lmao. awww poor martin. oh god the tape gets that squealy quality and its awful.

119: woah. lots of things happening. uhh. POP OFF TIM!!

120: lmao elias giving a statement about jon's dreams lol. damn jon doesnt even get his own dreams? has to stay Watching even when he's asleep? f in the chat this man goes thru so much shit. oh boy its peter. lol martin my beloved. idk i dont trust peter.

[smutty-ki113r]

ok show u an emoji? hm ...( •̀ .̫ •́ )✧ that one maybe? he has a really goofy grin <3 omg u think he was serious?? 0w0 i am known for being oblivious when ppl like me... i didn't notice that a past classmate was trying to get with me for a whole year until another classmate pointed it out-

YEAH?! u don't feel that? i am a very big smell person. i connect alot of things with certain smells. i use at least 3 different smelling things on my body at all times cuz it makes me happy. but if i have a partner i love sorrounding myself with their smell so i smell like them :>

yeah if u two don't get together imma beat bens ass. i hope u r crying happy tears （︶^︶）

i did make him a sandwhich don't worry lol. i was making sandwhiches for toby cuz jeff and toby r trying to beat bens highscore at some game. they forget to eat and drink-

i am sorry what?? wife me up?0-0 uh not sure abt that...i would rather be his personal servant than his wife-

i usually shift everyday once or twice but sometimes only every second or third day. for me it's like five minutes here are like 20 or 30 minutes there but i know it's different for a lot of ppl. i shift pretty often cuz irl only my best friend knows abt my gender. i don't feel comfy with outing myself since some family members r really against lgbt+ and whenever i try to explain it to them they don't even wanna understand. i don't want ppl to fight because of me. and when i shift all of them accept and respect me for who i am and it feels so good.

dude i actually think i stopped simping for ben because i am like friends with him now and i realized we wouldn't make a good couple. we basically just don't have any chemistry in that sense. AND you'll be his number 1!! more confidence pls >:[ my otp!

yes i do read him the fics. yes i like doing it hehe. i mean he reads me the jeff and toby ones <3 just friends being friends. no but ben thinks it's interesting what ppl think he's like in bed-

smut fanfics abt urself? man that's dope :> if i had that i'd just think i am so hot!

also; my binder arrived yesterday :> i almost cried happy tears when i unpacked it! i and today my stick and poke set arrived which is also hella dope owo

this is a lil vent; if u don't care feel free to skip: i had a driving lesson today and my driving instructor was super mean today. basically she just told me i was doing everything to slow but she was personal abt it... she said stuff like "r u this codependend in every part of life? do i need to tell u everything u have to do?" i literally cried a tiny bit while driving. she didn't even notice. i hope she isn't this mean next time. this never happened before...maybe she just had a bad day?

anyways i love u <3

-🃏

Thats such a cute emoji- I DO in fact think he was being serious.

Don’t beat ben’s ass please- happy tears YES but like 5 minutes after they’re sad.

YOURE SO NICE TO THEM!! Adorable- PERSONAL SERVANT??!!! OML-OUGYHVBJUIGYU it’s so nice that you get to be yourself in your shifting world. Well i support you <3 and I think you’re wonderful regardless. OMNG AND a stick and poke set??!!1 you need to let me know what you do! Also im so happy you got a binder!!

No, absolutely unacceptable. I don’t think you should be treated in that way ever, you are not stupid and you are not slow. Thats rude and she should be fired. Don’t invalidate yourself and then validate those who abuse you, i used to do that a lot.

(Sort of tw: my emotions ew. You dont need to read this next part but i just do wanna get it out because if i dont i might fall down and die) like literally, its not important at all. Just skip this.

Well yeah. Sad tears i guess. Like I absolutely adore the thought of me and ben being together but oh Jesus here we go again. I dont see any reason as to why anyone would like me. Im sort of the person you stay with a couple months of your life at the most, and then leave because im too much, or just disgusting i guess. I don’t really know. Its so hard for me to see anyone liking me. I mean i like me but i feel like nobody else does. Ive been put in second place so many times in my life, because of my body, or who i am, or what i am. I dont know.

I hate devaluating myself like this because I know in less than a day it’ll go back to me thinking im the best person in the world. But when im alone, or when i realize that im alone I can’t help but feel this way.

Like., why would anyone like me when im like this? When there’s so many other people out there who are probably better than me. Ill never be the best at anything.

And i hate the thought of falling deeper in love because what then? What if i do end up falling for him so hard that being alone would kill me. And when he abandons me, because everybody eventually does. What happens then.

Fuck i hate my life so bad. It’s like I can never be happy and I try to tell myself that I do deserve happiness, especially after what ive gone through but then every time i think im getting happy it stops.

I want to love him so bad. But why, why would anyone ever love me?

Anyway. I love you!!!1

[dahniwitchoflight]

Homesquared Chapter 3

So i have seen smidgens of this on tumblr but just havent had time to do anything about it

and jesus christ Callie Jade is so horrifyingly creepy, and you know the things she’s narrating the characters can also hear which is also hilarious, it just reminds me of that comic about how “yeah sure there’s a giant ominous red floating eyeball in your kitchen, constantly staring, constantly judging, but can you be sure that’s a bad thing?”

and then someone tries to talk to it, but it doesn’t answer and the person goes “fine be an asshole i dont give a fuck”

thats exactly the dynamic happening with Callie Jade right now

Grumpy DaveKat is hilarious

and Hey! we finally get to see how people look, I really dig Roxy’s look

“ROXY: dude doesnt "believe" in "substances"”

This line from Roxy makes sense, as a person wholly ensconced in the idea of their own self and always being in control of themselves and their own mind and faculties they would hate anything at all that causes that iron mental grip to slip

That’s probably why Dirk avoided sleep even when his dreamself was awake, even sleeping and dreaming was considered a form of himself losing control over himself that he couldn’t integrate the idea himself and his dreamself were the same person rather than two identical people and also I remember that the Jujupop didn’t affect him either

Later on Dirk in the narrative will say something about his own trauma, but not really go into what it is, but if I had to hazard a guess (and really it’s not much of a guess at this point)

Dirk probably has memories of a version of himself being under the mental influence of another, Lil Cal, LE, Doc Scratch etc what have you, So Narrative Dirk may actually be a version of Dirk who’s not quite yet poisoned into being a version of those 3, but his words also hinted that just because he’s aware of a certain way that he’s acting doesn’t make him more likely to stop it

Like he’s equating that you can be aware of the influence something else is having on you and in the exact ways it is influencing you without being able to stop, the exact thing he is traumatized and afraid of being most likely

So his one driving fear, is he does not want to lose control of his own soul, his own being, his own way of life and existing, to something else, something other. Even though he most likely is fully aware of the things and mannerisms of the other that have slipped into himself? Like he’s probably fully aware of the similarities between himself and those mentioned above, but maybe the thing that he’s hinging on is that instead of those guys poisoning him into being like them, instead perhaps he can convince himself that it’s his own self influencing others to act like himself instead. His influence reaching out and expanding instead of shrinking as he fears it

Anyway, Dave and Kanaya have a cute moment, I really like that

We get a nice shot of them in shadows against a backdrop of stars and Kanaya starts talking about a story Rose would once tell so that’s story is already gonna be dripping in metaphorical potential

“ A Wriggler Story About A Young Prince And The Beloved Flower He Loved And Lost”

Though that’s a story I’m actually familiar with

KANAYA: A Singular Wild Rose He Failed To Cherish When He Had Her

KANAYA: And His Journey Of Discovering What She Meant To Him All Along

KANAYA: Culminating In A New Quest To Find Her And Win Her Back

KANAYA: The Story Comments On The Nature Of Friendship

KANAYA: And Of Course In Turn Love

KANAYA: How Once They Connect There Is No Distance Or Circumstance That Can Seperate Them

KANAYA: How The Worlds In Each Ones Mind Take On Contours Shaped By Their Memories Of The Other

KANAYA: Places And Moments And Orbiting Passersby Becoming More and More Entangled In The Context Of Their Mutual Affections

KANAYA: Such As With A Garden Calling To Mind An Engagement Once Declared There

KANAYA: Or Something To That Fucking Effect

So obviously Dirk and Rose

Dirk has Rose with him, discovers an actual genuine connection with her, likely because he already viewed her as an equal, despite his manipulations of her, and chapter 4 spoilers but he genuinely wants to play a game with her when there really isn’t any reason for it, so he is actually curious to see who comes out on top of it, Him or Her, so Dirk is probably in some way desperate to have an actual equal partner in some way instead of drowning in himself all the time, not surprising. But Rose, obviously, will leave and reject him, likely when the manipulation comes around and is revealed/Kanaya and all them reach her/that part of the story

But then the story tinges onto a romantic nature and is framing Dirk trying to get her back as a romantic quest to save his partner/friend something something love and friendship, “no distance can separate them” yeah that doesn’t sound like obsession with the first person you’ve ever truly seen as an equal/a real person, 

yeah “A Garden calling to Mind an engagement once declared there” definitely sounds like the garden of eden/adam and eve paradise fantasy that Dirk has been trying  for some reason, to setup on the new planet

Really begs the question for why Dirk cares at all to do all of this? Except we now the answer is already its not the thing itself he cares about, its the value hes putting into the story as something that generates interest in the audience

He doesn’t care about actually making a society or being gods or whatever, he just knows thats what the audience wants to see and cares about so therefore he does it

and the reason he does all of THAT is because is ties into his trauma of his sense of self eroding away becoming a person he’s unfamiliar with

I wonder how he’s going to handle how much he’s going to change in order to fit the role of the story he’s writing when all is said and done

the Dirk at the end of this is going to be very different than the Dirk that started in Homestuck, despite all of his fears and intentions, and that he could not say all of it wasnt his own doing because of the iron control he made sure to have from the very beginning, I honestly think that will be kind of a shock for him if a meeting like that ever one day happened

Specifically for the fact that he seems to be aware of the romantic in nature tropes hes writing himself and Rose into and for now still seems to be avoiding them, not having gone that far, but, well

Maybe this is where we’ll start to see where Doc Scratch’s odd tendencies starting coming from

You know he was always really weird with Rose and Vriska (Maybe because he sees Light players all as extensions of Rose herself?)

Anyway yeah this is def the story metaphor I think we’re going to see in this, but Kanaya doesn’t fully get it, she thinks the story refers to herself and Rose

DAVE: that seems kind of wack for a kids story

KANAYA: Its Possible I Am Projecting Slightly In This Specific Circumstances

KANAYA: It Was Just A Metaphor

KANAYA: But In A Way I Feel As If It Is the Greater Universe Trying To Tell Me Something

KANAYA: It May Simply Stem From My Longing To See Her Again And How Much Is Indicative Of Something More Sinister

Which is cool because it makes this opposing connection between Dirk and Kanaya as opposites, which I like because it solidifies a tiny bit more the idea of Sylph being Passive Create to A Prince’s Active destroy.

Oh yeah, there was a tiny hint of Mind metaphor as well, can’t forget Terezi is with them

KANAYA: How The Worlds In Each Ones Mind Take On Contours Shaped By Their Memories Of The Other

KANAYA: Places And Moments And Orbiting Passersby Becoming More and More Entangled In The Context Of Their Mutual Affections

KANAYA: Such As With A Garden Calling To Mind An Engagement Once Declared There

Basically the idea that your experiences of a person and your memories of them shape who they become as well, the boundary between you and I is controlled by both of us, so each has an effect of the personality Heart of the other through our own decisions and Mind

like the way people tend to mimic those they like and want to be close to, or the way they actively try to distance themselves and what they are like from those they hate

But that at all seems to be more about Mind in general than referring to anything specifically Terezi

though it is exactly that understanding of Mind versus Heart and how one affects the other that could make Dirk realize that in the question of the self he’s only had half the picture the whole time, he’s only had the understanding of Heart and has thus far not been able to understand how Mind plays a role in the sustaining of the self, how what other people do to help you to be you, which is his entire philosophical conundrum

“DAVE: the dude youve spent the last 7 years convincing yourself isnt an egomaniacal anime villain

DAVE: and who isnt actually lying in wait to completely decimate your life and your emotions and shit“

oh, that makes me sad, this is def bringing up some bad trains of thought for Dave ):

“ KARKAT: KANAYA BARELY EVEN TALKS, CALLIOPE WON’T LEAVE THEIR CABIN, JADE JUST FLOATS AROUND LIKE A CREEPY BALLOON THAT’S MOSTLY MADE OF HAIR.

OH RIGHT, I forgot Calliope is actually WITH them on their journey, despite seeming to want absolutely fuck all with Jade Callie, I totally thought she was gonna stay back on Earth C but I guess not!

It’s so odd to see them so terrified of their alternate self like this when they’ve interacted mildly before. I still don’t know what to think of that much, other than they seem to be doing that weird thing that the other kids went through, like how John scribbled clowns on the walls unknown to himself for the longest time due to Gamzee’s unseen mental influence

that’s exactly the type of shit Dirk would be afraid of, so I wonder if that’s what Callie was afraid of as well? Maybe its Jade Callie that’s influencing them this way not Gamzee, to scribble strange things on the walls and not come out, but it’s the same fear of the other regardless manifesting and changing the self.

It is a very oddly non social thing for Our Calliope to do, when the point of different between the two Callie’s was how social Calliope was versus how antisocial Jade Callie is. Worries me ): but at least they’re here I guess

KARKAT: SOMETIMES IT ALMOST FEELS LIKE WHATEVER SLATHERING MONSTROSITY OF A COSMIC HELLBEAST THAT PUT ALL THIS SHIT INTO MOTION...ACTUALLY LIKES ME?

ROXY: fucked up if tru

Karkat is really popular as a character in the fandom lol

and that’s that one, time to get to Chapter 4, which has a lot more juicy exposition

With all the Garden of Eden metaphors though I can’t help but think of the Apple of the Garden of Eden when I think of “story exposition” now

The juicy tantalizing forbidden red fruit that when you bit into it you suddenly understand and know things you did not before and you’re eyes are opened, I wonder if that’s enough to just make Apples a solid Symbol of Light in Homestuck’s context? Most of it’s association with knowledge is external to Homestuck, just referenced symbolically, it’s not actually used in any cirumstances pertaining to knowledge, but more as the metaphor of it being the gate to leave the garden of eden, more like a teleporter, Rapture and Revelation in general rather than just Knowledge itself

aka my new headcanon is that one thing needed to Alchemize a Transportalizer is inexplicably going to be an Apple, if that ever comes up at all

[ryoshan]

after the fall spoilers /

when u wanna liveblog but ur the first person you know to start/finish reading: a collection of disorganised and contextless thoughts by an excitable brit

book: mentions weiss and ruby 

me: SCREAMING

fox is from vacuo!!!!!! i am VINDICATED 

ADA ADA ADA ADA 

split point of view per chapter is sososososososoososos GOOD SO GOOD DO GOOD 

nothing will beat novels for their ability to drop explicit details in a short period of time 

VELVET HAS A PHOTOGRAPHIC MEMORY 

coco adele? was that a typo? or is adele her middle name? stylistic choice? hmm 

what a fucking show off our boy fox is 

tiny criticism: pls stop knocking on about coco’s fashion sense we get it you’re doing that thing where you boil her down to one trait, hopefully this will happen less as the book goes on 

FOX CLAPPED HIS HANDS TO HIS EYES. “OH NO!” HE SAID. “WHYYYYYYY?” 

this initiation is some juicy fucking lore my guys 

y.. yatsuhashi CAN FUCK WITH MEMORIES???

dyou think when fox stutters over a word in team cfvy’s mental group chat, coco, yatsuhashi and velvet repeat his mistake back at him 

i am supremely interested to know how fox’s semblance interacts with rens

i literally fucking winded myself at the start of chapter 5 gasping so hard 

“she looked like she had a mortal wound in her side” OH HAHA VERY FUNNY I SEE WHAT YOU DID THERE 

coco mentoring ruby has given me more life than anything so far

WEISS DONT BE MEAN TO YATSUHASHI 

oh im not comfortable with weiss calling fox red that sounds very weird and not at all in character it sounds too much like torchwick and im not about making that association 

WHY WOULD HER HAND GO TO MYRTENASTER ARE YOU REALLY GONNA FIGHT FY IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HALLWAY WEISS?

i really did forget how much of an ego weiss has right in the beginning ive been writing her post development for too long 

BLAKE N VELVET BLAKE N VELVE T once again i gasped so hard my lungs hurt 

wow huh okay blake being violent is..... a surprise 

“I don’t believe in fighting prejudice with violence” jess is vindicated im so proud of my wife

COCO WAS GOING TO LIKE HER, VELVET THOUGHT you’re damn right she does

i dont like velvet and coco fighting ):

fox as the hardcore realist i am once again, VINDICATED

velvet employing the same words to gus as blake did to her..... aaa.....

yatsuhashi’s semblance makes me sad cause imagine if he made someone he thought cared about him forget him and it turned out to be really easy

UGH THE THEME IN THIS BOOK IS LEARNING LESSONS AND ITS SO APPARENT AAAAAA

fox and ruby interacted...... thank you for my life............

the inclusion of not only yatsu asking velvet to guide him so he can be better in terms of his language but also an active example of this happening is really pleasing to me 

as the player of a dnd character who always splits off from the group i can say with complete confidence fox splitting off from team cfvy in the sands of vacuo will almost certainly not go well

“she kept waiting for the others to see it” ;___;

PYRRHAAAA ;____________;

literally all it takes is her name and i am sad . 

this TEAM make my heart SURGE 

coco genuinely is the big explicit wlw i’ve been hoping for 

jesus christ coco hold urself together. 

fox vc alexa play darude: sandstorm 

OK BUT CYRANO IS MCFUCKING COOL MY DUDES I COULDNT HAVE IMAGINED SOMETHING LIKE THIS 

- as long as her remembered to charge his scroll. i knew it, boy’s gonna run out of battery . 

IF MY BOY GETS KILLED I’LL NEVER FORGIVE YOU ROOSTERTEETH

i love when things connect with canon i love it i love it 

why is coco of all people picking on velvet ): 

VELVET BITING BACK THO aaaaaa yay but also ):

uhg i love this fuck ign fami ly 

im.... emotional,,,,,

the cairn mission......... no wonder it was so hard..... im ): 

COCO FINALLY LETTIN VELVET DO SHIT YASS

I KNOW ITS JUST THE INDLUENCE OF GUS’ SEMBLANCE BUT IT MAKES ME SO SAD WHEN THEY FIGHT 

also im getting serious shadow of the colossus vibes

FOX BETTER NOT DIE BERTIE NEEDS TO GET FUCKED 

i love my son he’s so strong and smart 

theres so many death flags here i dont even know who they’re on anymore

lol jk he’s fine

i really love how sure of himself fox is and so he should be he’s fought really hard to be confident

it is REALLY cool seeing an actual scene from the show written from velvet’s perspective, im all about this 

moro is gonna be happy about glynda i know it she’s fab 

“we just need you to tell us everything” “ABSOLUTELY EVERYTHING” ozpin still putting tremendous amounts of pressure on teenagers i see

“we prefer to speak with you individually so we can separate you from your support system while tugging on your vulnerabilities” 

yatsu getting mad ):

im not too fond on how blithely ‘coco never picked up on that’ regarding the finer points of velvet’s tendencies when coco has been established already as a people watcher and observational thinker.,

CFY TO THE RESCUE 

what the FUCK these adults???? hello????? “i deserved that” NO YOU DIDNT???? what did glynda think he was gonna do, stab ozpin??? 

“haha we broguth her here alone to TEST you!!! you passed because you came to her!!!! hahahahahah!!!!!!” fuck you ozpin 

no explanation as to WHY she had to be brought alone as if her ‘keen observational skills’ couldnt have been asked about in the presence of her team or indeed pulled fro the written report she’ll be making 

this is such a formative mission for them and i like it but damn ozpin really up here ruining it all 

the death flags were yatsu’s ALL ALONG 

oh god the impact of velvet using some of these weapons has not been lost on me and it must be devastating for her 

“if this didnt qualify, what did?” me when i get to the end of a game with 3468758976495 different things hoarded and dropping them all on the final boss

why are coco and velvet having a conversation like they’re about to die noones dying NOONES DYING 

nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

FUCK RIGHT OFF WITH SHIFTING TO A FLASHBACK YOU WANKERS

thumbelina peach...? really???? but hey looks like beacon has more than 4 professors now

“noone knew what had frozen that beast there” interesting . 

its interesting to me that so far its been atlas thats been shown to be the least accepting of faunus but now its becoming clear mistral is worse, worse enough that velvet wont even consider going there

“velvet waited for someone to ask her what she wanted, but they never did” :( 

anyway i cant wait to see how coco is gonna make the blind worm her bitch

yatsu is so shy about his semblance im sad for him, 

I CANT BELIEVE I THOUGHT YOU WERE CUTE 

coco getting edward to help ;_____;

its both funny and depressing that sssn are here and sage and scarlet are still yet to have any actual fuckin lines or DESCRIPTORS for that matter 

fox tapping that @ everyone command and getting chewed out for it 

COCO YOU BITCH THAT WAS ART 

u kno whats getting me most? 

BOOK #2 WHEN???????????

[midnightmisadventures]

Pt 2

So finally as i talked myself down and started to realize i wasnt crazy, and i wasnt wrong, and......yea duh im fucking lady jesus. Like i've never been wrong.....wtf.

So like 20 minutes ago, i finally reread the messages he sent and the entire breakup correspondence and let myself feel all the emotions cause i had been avoiding them for the past couple days. But i looked at it and i was like no for sure my feelings are valid, i dont regret anything, and im glad i stood up to myself .Which is a lot better than saying "i want to kill myself, i want to slit my wrists, i wish i was dead" after EVERY single sentence and im not kidding.

So improvement.

BUT.....with that all being said, spirit is assuring me that its definitely not right now......but it is there.....eventually. Like union. Bc ive been preparing for and accepting the worst so ive been trying to convince myself for the past few days that its NEVER ever ever going to happen. Its completely closed forever, some people just dont fuck with their divine masculine.

But now spirit's like, no we're being forreal, theres really nothing different about the connection, you just cant control the timing, and you werent listening, so we had to make u LISTEN. That you have to focus on yourself like its always with or without him but you have to MEAN IT.

Regardless, theyve been really drillin it in that its not the slightest over....i was right about everything, but he knows, its just not now.

Which is, please understand, so frustrating. Like i appreciate the clarity from the universe because it feels like a response to the whole "what the fuck??? was everything a lie???" messages i kept sending out. (Like i was furious) So there being extra generous in telling me that not only were you not wrong, but we like need you to keep faith and its kinda not even a bad idea to let urself feel in love with him. Like its okay.....

JARRING. I know im being very guarded and cautious, for my own sake, cause i could care less whats best for him. But regardless i believe them.....and i was shuffling idk music, getting the most wild signs its unfair. Like playing i hear a symphony and for the longest time on shuffle 3 days after the breakup is UN FAIR. But whatever,

then they showed me steel train bullet, which was posted Feb 24th, and spirit kept telling me to look up that date. And i was pushing it off cause itd be a lot of work to do on here. So i went to my camera roll and realized Feb 24th is 2019 is the day i fell in love with lights on........so then i was like wait is that when i discovered the album, and ryan and everything. The only time i adored the album but "babe" didnt exist yet.

So im emotional that spirit told me to find that date, because it feels like thats the final hail mary in convincing me to trust in divine timing and that its not over.

Because if theres one thing i dont play about its the Boy in Jeans Album. Its my bible, its my cornerstone, its my teacher. And im not kidding, it really that means that much to me in terms of my spirituality and it felt like those songs, the emotional impact it has on me is what was able to create a strong enough bond between me and the divine, and my spirit team to make contact. Like i know that doesnt make sense but its like, when i heard lights on for the first time, and powerslide, and god in jeans. My eyes welled up with tears, it was an unbelievable indescrible experience it was biblical. So its my entire faith, and when you show a mockery of lights on, or that album. Its the biggest disrespect because I DONT PLAY ABOUT IT. I know your serious if you use ryan beatty as a weapon.

SoOOsoOOOSOSOO pt 3

[rohobi]

Serendipity 01 | (M)

pairing— jeon jungkook x reader, friendwithbenefitsAU  genre/warnings— smut, fluff, slight angst, swearing words—5,169 ↳ chapters → CHAPTER 2

chapter 1 summary: ❝The occurrence and development of events by chance in a happy or beneficial way. After forgetting to click out of his pornhub incognito tab last night, you find yourself shoulder-to-shoulder with Jungkook at 3am watching the rest of it.❞

When you agreed to have a weekly movie night with your best friend, you imagined watching Princess Mononoke with snacks and hot tea. You never imagined it would be any different from your usual movie nights because Jungkook has never been and will never be spontaneous with his time.

Jungkook likes an order to things. He’s systematic in the way that he thinks and absolutely avoids things that are irrational and non-sequential. It’s most of the reason why your engineer brother likes him, they think alike and both avoid making emotional connections with people.

But you’re fine with that because you’re too focused on your own studies to venture out into the dark social ocean to meet new people too.

Jungkook was your person and you were sure he’d remain that way for the rest of your life because you don’t think he’d try and find anyone else. He’s never tried in the 17 years of knowing him to find someone else.

Jungkook thinks that studying architecture encourages social isolation, loneliness and abstinence. And from the little friends that remain in his social circle as a result, it meant that you had to go out of your way to spend time with him. You just hoped he’d be a little bit more mutual with you and meet you halfway. It’s half of your friendship fights these days, he didn’t do enough for you and you were very vocal about that.

So, here you are. After prompting at 1 in the morning to buy him pizza, Jungkook invites you over to watch movies until the sunrises. He gets the popcorn, you set up the netflix, it was routine.  You just never expected to find a big fat dick on his computer as the remainder of the porn he forgot to click out of continues to loudly play in front of you.

“My cock looks so good pumping your pussy Ellen, fuck.”

Running from the kitchen, bags of popcorn dancing dangerously from tired hands, he yells desperately from the hallway as though anything he could say could excuse what your eyes were seeing. “I can explain-

“-jesus Jungkook,” you interrupt, holding your knees to your chest and resting your chin on them as he bursts through his bedroom door. “I didn’t know you were into this kind of stuff.”

“I’m not,” Jungkook shouts, closing the door behind him before throwing the bags of popcorn on his bed. “That wasn’t me.”

“You live alone mate.”

“Okay, shit,” he whispers and you laugh softly to his dismay. “I was lonely and that’s just what happens when boys get lonely Y/N. So shut up and stop laughing at me okay?”  

“Hey, I just didn’t expect you to be into this kind of stuff, like from the way you lust over anime characters, I always thought your porn preference would be animated...” You glance at him as he stands at the end of his bed.

He stares at the back of his macbook, seemingly staring into the oblivion of his own making. He can’t believe he forgot to click out of it, he was just too afraid he’d ejaculate all of the keyboard. He didn’t want to jeopardise his hard drive.

“Jungkook?” you ask, patting the bed space beside you. “Are you like, okay?”

Beneath his circular rimmed glasses, his cheeks dust with a fuschia kind of pink. “Of course I’m okay,” he smiles awkwardly. You watch him readjust his beanie, stuff his hands into his big black puma hoodie before graciously sitting beside you on his bed. “Are you okay?” he asks. You both ignore the pigeon type moaning coming from his computer as he looks at you.

“I’m fine,” you nod. “So, stop being weird.”

He sniffs loudly before rubbing his fist across his nostrils. “I’m a man Y/N, I have needs so don’t laugh at me about this okay, and don’t you dare go on your blog and tell your followers about it either. It’s better than sleeping around with girls who get too attached.” You stare incredulously at him before turning back to the screen. “You finished 3 minutes into the video though Jungkook ...like… she still has her clothes on, what were you getting off to? His balls?”

He scoffs beside you. “I can’t expect you to know the intricacies of a man's lust when you barely know your own.”

You shrug. “Well, I guess you just ejalucate really quickly then. You even finished before they did.”

He gasps in response and you watch the broad shouldered brunette pornstar thread his fingers into the much smaller pornstar before pulling the absolute fuck out of her hair. You wince, feeling your scalp tingle.

“What? I finished before them?” Jungkook cocks an eyebrow, unsure if you were joking or not. “God, I’m so fucking confused right now. It’s an hour long video Y/N, of course I did.”

You straighten your head, feeling the blood rush to your cheeks. “Oh ...does it not take that long for you?”

“Here we go, trying to sound like you know everything again when you clearly know nothing,” He scoffs, laughter fluttering out from his fucking annoying mouth. “What kind of man lasts that long masterbating Y/N, think about it?”

“I haven’t had sex with anyone, how would I know how long it takes?”

“I’m turning this off,” he exhales, grabbing out for the mouse in front of you. “I don’t want to taint your innocence and you’re scaring me with how into it you’re acting.”

Quickly grabbing the mouse from his reach, you shove it between your thighs. “No, I want to watch. I haven’t watched porn before and I want to know if there is a happy ending for her. She’s working so hard.”

“Lol, what are you saying?”

You slap his chest, eyes remaining on the screen. “I’m a feminist Jungkook, let me watch.”

“What does feminism have to do with this?”

“Just, let me watch G O D.”

He frowns, shaking his head. “You’re acting like you haven’t watched porn before?”

“Well duh, it’s because I haven't and better your computer than my own.”

He pauses, eyebrows levelling out. “Wait, you… actually haven’t…. How is that fucking possible? You’re literally the grossest person I know. You haven’t watched porn before? Bullshit.”  

You nod as the actors change positions, her on top this time. You sigh in envy at how soft her skin looks, as he rubs his thumb lovingly over her hip. You bet she uses coconut oil. “You look so filthy taking my dick like that Ellen, ride me bitch, ride me.”

“That’s not very nice calling her a bitch-” leaning forward, you search for the pornstars name in the video description. “-James, you should treat her like a lady when she’s sitting on your penis like a bloody throne.”

Jungkook laughs beside you. “Okay, I’m starting to believe that this is your first time.” Crossing your arms over your chest, you watch his stomach muscles flex as her moans began to ricochet off his tiled floors. The sound has a bizarre effect on your groin as you began to feel it throb.

You gulp nervously, suddenly feeling overwhelmed by the sound of her desperate moaning. “I feel weird watching this Jungkook.”

“You’re 21 how the fuck-”

“-don’t judge me. I was afraid the government would monitor my account if I watched it, you know how viruses weaken your security these days. Who knows what you’re inviting into your privacy and even your webcam.”

“You watch way too many hollywood lifestyle movies, but still Y/N, how have you not watched porn before? Have you even masterbated before?”

“That is beside the point.” you exhale, shifting uncomfortably, putting your feet flat against his bed. You weren’t ever given the opportunity and you certainly never had the courage to do it on your own.

“So you haven't?” he asks.

“Question, do all dicks look like that?” you ask, turning your head to the side. “Surely not, that looks painful. She looks like she’s in pain.”

Jungkook laughs beside you, suddenly feeling like he just opened a door to a room for you that you had no plans on leaving. “It’s a good kind of pain, I promise.”

“Surely that thing hurts though, it looks like a monster penis- a horse penis- no an elephant's trunk but pink and veiny,” you laugh, getting excited. “No wait, it looks like a cow's tongue Jungkook.”

You turn to Jungkook as he takes a deep breath. “Wait, does your penis look like that?”

He turns back to the TV, taking another deep breath. “No, mines smaller.”

You laugh, giving him the side eye as you do. “I shouldn’t have asked, since most of your cock is in your personality.”

“Very funny Y/N. My penis is an average size thank you, most girls don’t like too big anyway.”

“They do?” You heave a sigh of relief. “Lord, I don’t know why I feel relieved by that.”

“Her nipples are so small and perky,” he comments, crossing his arms over his chest again. “Do your boobs look like that?” he asks, returning his gaze back to yours.

“Ahhh,” you mutter, biting your lip, eyes never straying from the screen. “I think mine are a bit bigger. More real as well, slightly darker in tone BUT DONT YOU DARE JUDGE SOMEONE'S NIPPLES OKAY, THATS SO FUCKING RUDE.”

He raises his hands in surrender at the sudden projection of your voice. “Wasn’t gonna.”

You both settle on his bed, watching as he slowly takes his penis out and agonisingly slowly, thrusts himself into her again. It was cinematic, truly a magnificent piece of art. “I could watch this all day.” she holds his wrists tight. “ Please don’t. Please fuck me.”

And this is how you spend the rest of your witching hour.

Jungkook doesn’t say anything but every now and then he clears his throat.

You don’t say anything either and mostly becuase you’re impressed with Ellen’s flexibility but you do lean forward to minimise the sound a little. Her moans were making you feel jealous of her vocal range.  

“Can I ask a dumb question?” Jungkook asks.

“Better than anyone I know.” you respond, eyes still fixed on the red handprints on the milky white skin of her ass.

He stares at you in contempt. “Does watching this ...does it make you feel wet?”

Frowning, you turn to him. “Wet? You mean in the downstairs department or bleeding nose?”

Laughing, he elbows your ribs. “Downstairs. Please tell me it has an effect on you and that you aren’t some alien.”

Your laugh flutters pleasantly, making his heart strangely flutter. The feeling is foreign to him but not exactly unwelcomed. He liked it when you laughed.

“I like it,” you smile, rubbing your thighs together. “It’s not my cup of tea though. I’d like it more if it was just girls to be honest. I don’t know how I feel about his penis sword, kind of off putting but her moans are nice.”  

“I agree.”

“Can I ask you a question then?”

“Sure.” he says, putting a pillow on his lap.

“How do you do it?”

He blinks in confusion. “Do what?”

“Masterbate. Does it hurt more if the penis doesn’t have a hoodie like the others because I read in Cosmo that it means their less sexually mature,” you deadpan. “Like men who are left handed.”

“Hoodie?” He raises his eyebrows in confusion, pink dusts his olive cheeks once again. You were talented at throwing him completely off his axil, sometimes he thinks that’s why he keeps you around. You were his spontaneity. “How...do I…. are you asking me how I personally masterbate or are you asking me how you should masterbate?”

You shake your head. “No, I mean you. How do you masterbate? Girls put fingers inside of them, and rub their finger tips of their clit. Do you ...do you do the same with your asshole?”

“Jesus fucking christ Y/N, you’re 21 this is unacceptable,” he says. Your cheeks glow with embarrassment, he knows how hurtful bringing up your lack of experience feels and immediately regrets bringing it up when tears begin to pool in your eyes.

“Hey, don’t look at me like that,” Jungkook whispers, bringing his palm to your face. He cups your jaw, rubbing his thumb across your cheek bone. “I didn’t mean it like the way you were thinking. Waiting for the right person is good, I just don’t want you to continue to miss out on something that you could do to yourself that feels just as good you know?”

You nod, sinking your face into the warmth of his palm. “I just ...I never got the opportunity to ask my ex-boyfriends and I’m already comfortable enough to ask you because I love you and you let me poop when you’re showering. I just hate it when you make me feel like I’m a failure because I haven’t done it.”

He leans forward, pulling you into his chest. Wrapping his arms around your shoulders, you nuzzle your face into his neck. “You aren’t a failure. I’m just confused because you’re the most beautiful person I know, you could have any guy begging to sleep with you.”

You sigh against his skin. Goosebumps lick down his spine in response. “Sex isn’t a race Jungkook when you’re trying to find love. Shouldn’t finding something substantially comforting and emotionally alluring take precedence on mindless sex with strangers or horrible creatures that don’t care about your mental well being.”

He cackles, his body shaking against yours. “You don’t understand Y/N. I’m a man, we are wired to think about sex all the time and because I’m committed to my work, I’d rather sleep with girls I don’t know to avoid the commitment of getting to know one. The idea of falling in love with someone I have to get to know even stresses me out.”

“You’re an entitled jerk Jungkook, anyone ever tell you that? Look, I just want to fall in love and be a goddess at sex for my future lover but I don’t even know where to begin.” You sigh.  

“You can start with me?” Jungkook smiles before kissing your forehead. “Look, I can show you how I masterbate if you want.”

You pull back from him. “What?”

Leaning back against the headboard of his bed, he nods without looking at you. “If it means so much to you, I’ll show you. It’s not like it’s a big deal anyway.” Unbuckling his belt, he unzips his jeans beside you. You find yourself unable to speak. Unable to look. Unable to breathe.  Jungkook throws his jeans onto the floor by his bed before shoving his hand into the bag of popcorn and stuffing his face. You can’t help yourself from looking at his thighs, those beautiful things.

“Wouldn’t that be weird?” you ask. “I hate to say it but you’re like a brother to me.”

“Doon’t ffuckking ssay thhat.” he shouts, incoherently. Shaking his head at you as he swallows, you pout. “Y/N. You won't learn with porn, it's not even real. I’m real however, and prepared to do this for you 100 %. Unless you don’t want me too show you then I won't.”

“What do you mean porns not real? His real dick was entering a real person’s vagina and they were bumping uglies to an uncoordinated rhythm like baboons. What part of this is unreal?”

He stares at you strangely, an expression you identify as shock and lust? Lord knows what the fuck he’s thinking. “There is a third person present with a camera, she’s fake moaning to get him off, he pumped his penis and he’s ignoring her clit. He’s on drugs, she’s bored, the video is edited and no one is sweaty. No sweat, no effort.”

You make an “oh” sound with your mouth.

“Look Y/N, I’ll show you. I’ll talk you through it,” you watch him wipe the butter from his popcorn on his jumper before he starts palming himself over his navy briefs. “To start, I am going to start touching my erection okay? You know what an erection is?” he asks condescendingly.  

Nodding your head, you stimulate an erection by pointing your finger at him. “An erection is a type of pill you put in your ass so you can poop lava right?” you joke, rolling your eyes at him. “Of course I know what an erection is but you have an erection already? Jesus.”

Groaning, he throws his head back against the headboard of his bed. “Of course I fucking do, we’ve been watching porn together for the past half an hour. I went hard as soon as you told me that you liked the idea of having something thick and hard in your mouth.”

“I was talking about food though.”

“Are you kidding?” Throwing the pillow across the room in frustration, Jungkook angrily points to the tent in his pants. “This is thick and hard and wants to be in your mouth, you tease. How do you expect me to interpret something like that during porn as food Y/N? I am a man and all the blood is flowing to my penis, not my brain.”

“I concur that what you are saying is not a recent development and the blood has only ever flowed to your penis or your ego. But that is beside the point here, are you telling me that you want me to suck your noodle?” you blink at him, doe eyed. “Because you pee out of that and I’m going to have to at least ask that you shower four times before even thinking of putting that jabba the hutt in my mouth.”

“Jabba the hutt? Like that fat gangstar from Star Trek?”

“What the?” Your mouth drops open. You smack his chest. “He’s from Star Wars you idiot, we watched all those movies together, how do you not remember???”

Rolling his eyes, he says. “Dude, we’ve watched every single movie together. How am I supposed to remember… that … particular film… hey, why am I arguing with you over this, you called my penis jabba the hutt.”

You try hard not to laugh but it happens. “If the shoe fits baby, you gotta put it on.”

“I was turned on before but now your talent for ruining the moment prevails. Can we just get onto it, it’s almost 4 in the morning and if you keep talking, I’m going to go limp and you’ll miss out.”

“But Kooksta, my number one homeboy, why?” You rub your thighs together anyway, unable to look away from him as he runs his fingers over the very prominent erection beside you. “Why are you actually doing this for me? Isn’t it a bit ...weird?”

“Not at all. I’d do anything for you,” he says nonchalantly, and your heart suddenly begins to flutter against your ribs. “Do I take my jumper off?”

You shake your head. “You’ll get cold, leave it on.”

He nods. “Because my body doesn’t heat up to a thousand degrees when I have sex or anything.” Leaving his black puma hoodie on, he looks up at you with a silent question of “are you ready?” before slowly taking off his briefs when you nod in response.  

You watch the navy cloth fly across the room.

The satisfied sound of freedom flutters from his lips, just fucking fantastic. You can see this becoming his normal -lying beside you in the nude. He’d bloody love that.

“Hey look at me, don’t make this weird. I know you want to see me nakey nakey naked.” he sings.

Unable to respond verbally, you gulp nervously as he sits beside you completely bottomless bare. “You can look at it, it's okay.” he says, amused by the strain of your neck as you avidly ignore everything from his neck down.

“But your one eyed monster will give me nightmares. I don’t think I can do it.”

“He’s not that scary,” Jungkook laughs, sniffing his nose as he takes a firm hold of his penis. “You’re missing out down here.”

Clapping your hands together, you close your eyes. “I’ll look in a moment, I just need to pray to the holy father.”

“Whatever.” Jungkook says before spitting into his palm. Shifting beside you, Jungkook begins to pump his length to a steady rhythm. He watches you from the corner of his eye, suddenly entranced by the softness of your skin and the plump colour of your lips. Had they always looked like that?

Trailing his eyes down the expanse of your neck to the cleavage peeking out from your top, he imagines kissing your skin. Since when did you grow boobs? Jungkook moves his hand quicker as he imagines what you’d look like with no shirt on.

“Y/N, open your eyes,” he whimpers, his voice strained. “Watch me.”

The slick sounds of his hand and the little gasps and whimpers he makes, fill the room. You open your eyes but they stay cast on the blueprint of the airplane he never ended up building for you on his far wall. “I have opened them.” you whisper.

“Look at me.”

You don’t.

“Baby,” he whimpers beside you, catching your attention. He only ever calls you baby accidentally, you never respond to his pet calls because you don’t think he means to say them to you. “Just look at me, you’ll be fine. You’ll like it.”  

You can hear the shift in his breathing suddenly and only when he closes his eyes, pushing his head back against the sofa, do you look at him.

He’s taken off his beanie and his soft brown hair sits messily on top of his head. His glasses sit at a weird angle on his nose and his bottom lip remains tucked between his teeth. His eyes are clenched tight and his jaw is tense as he works himself.

Then you look down.

The veins in his arms look like they’re about to bust out of his skin as his palm holds his length, jacking his cock. “Y/N, are you looking?” he moans out and you nod, before remembering he can’t see and then saying yes.

Gazing in awe at the pace he set, you bite your lip. A bead of pre-cum dribbles down the head of his cock as he pumps it hard and fast. It’s such a strange forbidden feeling that ruptures through your body, that it almost feels wrong to watch. You’ve been friends with him for years and not once have you ever thought of having sex with him until now.

You wondered if he feels the same.

“Jungkook, I feel weird watching you masterbate.” you murmur, sinking your teeth onto your bottom lip. If you were being honest, it was single handedly the sexiest thing you had ever seen.

“What kind of weird?” he moans out.

You grind your thighs together at the sound of his moan. “My groin is throbbing and my heart is racing and I suddenly feel like I’m sweating a whole lot.”

“You must like it then,” opening his eyes, he rolls his head to face yours. His gaze is lust stricken, dark and hazy, akin to how you’d imagine a lion would look at its prey. He looks like he’s about to pounce on you. “Just finger yourself then, you’ll see how good it feels too.” he whispers.

“What?” you whisper back, watching the beads of sweat fall down his face. “You want me to finger… myself?”

“Trust me, it feels good. Just put your hands down your pants and run your fingers over your clit, come on. You know what a clit is right?”

“Of course I know what a clitoris is, I passed year 9 sexual education unlike you.”

He snort laughs before scooting closer to you. “I helped you put the condom on Y/N, you would’ve failed too had I not.”

“Touche.” you admit.

Staring down at the waistband of your pants, you throw caution to the wind. Maybe it would relieve some of the stress you’ve been feeling lately. Maybe Jungkook can help you with it. “Okay, I’ll do it but this stays between us okay.”

“Yeah yeah, of course. Who am I going to tell? I don’t know your friends.”

Pushing the computer further down the bed, you put the pillow on your lap in fear of Jungkook seeing your private parts. “Right and you don’t have any so there isn’t anyone I can tell.”

He cackles. “Shut up and get on with it before I finish before you.”

“Don’t want that happening again.”

“Aren’t you just a little shit today? God, sometimes I think about you and then I think, ‘I’d really like to fuck the wit out of you’ that’s if I could, ya know.”

“What?” you ask.

Wearily, you slip your fingers into your underwear. The coldness of your fingers feels weird against your warm core, the contrast is a strange feeling.

“Or just generally shut you up with my cock in your mouth, I bet you’d like that.” he laughs and you smack his chest with your free hand.

“I know that right now is a very intimate space for us but if you’d like to shut the fuck up and think about your own cock in your mouth for once, that would be great. P.s. I’ve got my fingers in my vagina and so far it just feels cold.”  

“Explore, gently run your fingertips over your clit, find what you like. When it feels good, you’ll know.” he says, leaning towards your neck. His hot breath flutters through your hair as he turns to watch your hand work your core. “Now move your fingers up and down. Set a pace. You could even use your other hand to play with your boobs ...unless you want me to do that.”

“I’ll leave them alone for now actually. Next time, I’ll do that.”

Jungkook tries not to scowl at that but your body, your rules. “That’s okay, focus on fingers. Be delicate. Try moving in 8’s over your clit.”

Encouraged by his voice and the quickening pace of Jungkook's hand, you rub the pads of your fingertips over your sensitive nub like how he says and the feeling is like lightning striking you down in the best kind of ways.

“Oh fuck me,” you moan out, melting into the headboard as you rub over your clit in vigorous circular motions. “Jungkook, it feels so good.”

Jungkook watches as you bite your lip. He watches as you throw your head back and moan out his name. He’s not going to lie and say that it wasn’t the sexiest thing he’d ever seen you do but he’s not about to admit that right now when all he can think about his cumming all of your face.

The sight he imagines is enough for him to cum but… he doesn’t. Not yet.

You turn to face him, cheeks slightly flushed. It feels like your throat is tightening. You whimper. You whine, you can’t help the sounds bubbling from your throat. It just feels so good.

Jungkook doesn’t say anything, he just watches. He can’t help but watch you and he wants to get off, he can feel it spark up from his toes. He works himself harder, until he feel like he can’t breathe. God, why did this feel so much better when you were there doing it with him.

And you’re right there with him touching yourself, tethering on the same threshold.  He never imagined he’d ever be in this position with you but you’re here, he loves it.

You can’t even control your moans and you hate it, you’re so sensitive, it feels too good but then you hear it, Ellen’s loud climax on the computer in front of you and it’s enough to spur quick movements on your clit. Ignoring the porn, he continues to masterbate beside you, ruthlessly watching you thrith against your fingers.

“Jungkook, I think I’m about to finish.” you choke, furrowing your brows.”

The sloshing sound gets faster as Jungkook chants his blasphemy, he’s so close he can feel it. “Ah fuck,” he whimpers, lifting his hips to meet his hand. It’s uncoordinated and desperate but it does the trick as he cums all over his hand.

You spasm against the headboard not that long after him, mouth agape, throat dry, legs twitching. Your hearts still racing in your chest, hard and heavy.

You can’t believe you just did that but it feels like relief, it feels like something has just melted off your shoulders in the best kind of way and an awkward feeling that can only be described as embarrassment and regret floods you.

He pants beside you, the shock of what just occurred blends in with the beautiful reminder of reality. How is he going to face you from now on?

“Ellen I’m gonna come. Where do you want me to co-

Jungkook lurches forward to slam the laptop closed and you both stare into the darkness for a while, regretting whatever the hell you both just did that for until the lightest cackle escapes his lips. “Think that was enough education for one night?”

You nod. “I feel thoroughly educated, thank you Jungkook.”

“The pleasure was all mine.” he bows his head, hand still covered in semen, hand still attached to his penis. Literally.

You look down at his hand before looking back up at him. “Yeah, we know.”

The silence festers between you, seconds stretch into minutes until Jungkook finally speaks up but you’re already over the embarrassment of the situation, what happened, happened and that is it. “So, did you lik-

“Jungkook, do you think her real name is Ellen?”

He stares at you with an incredulous look on his face. Grabbing the bag of popcorn by the computer, he dips his dirty fingers into the remaining buttered popcorn. “Oh for Christ's sake Y/N. Of course it’s not Ellen.”

You stare at him in disgust as you watch him eat popcorn from his semen covered finger tips. “EW, WHAT THE FUCK JUNGKOOK. THIS IS LIKE CANNIBALISM. AT LEAST WASH YOUR HANDS BEFORE YOU EAT YOU DISGUSTING PIG.”

Turning to you, he slowly eats popcorn loving the look of utter and complete disgust cross your face. “What can I say, I’m a dirty boy.”

Pointing to the door, you stammer. “Look, I know this is your house and all but kindly get the fuck out of here.”

Leaning forward, he quickly kisses your cheek before clambering off the bed. “I’m going to have a shower if you want to join me.”

You cross your arms over your chest. “Fuck off Jungkook.”

Hands up in surrender, Jungkook grins at you. “Not yet? Okay, next time then.”

You throw a pillow at him as runs toward the bathroom. “Whatever.”

[captainshyguy]

o god i fucking....i fucken watched the death cure 

god it was one of the best things i’ve ever watched but it WRECKED ME 

ok i literally only have like??? 2 cons the rest are PROS HOLY FUCK AAAAA I HAVEN’T??? FELT THIS SATISFIED WITH A FILM/FILM FRANCHISE IN A LONG TIME THANK YOU TMR

cons

that random thomas and teresa kiss near the end??? lmao what (listen it dont mind book teresa but movie teresa is uhhhhh)

thomas wrote teresa’s name and NOT newt’s on the grave thing??? i mean im glad newt’s was still there and was centre stage with teresa’s but still lol 

PROS

newt lookin completely iconic at all times pre full on crank mode??? what a fucken ICON

i honestly think they handled the story changes really well but still kept to the story to the point where i genuinely enjoyed it more than the 3rd book 

they succeeded in making ava that rly complex character which is great 

tHEY BROUGHT GALLY BACK JUST LIKE THE BOOKS HHHH

literally all of the moments thomas and newt had together?? pOETIC CINEMA (i might go over all of the ones i can remember through the emotional cloud of tears currently circling my brain)

i actually really liked that they didn’t go the whole thomas and brenda route like i know we hear it’s been months but still it would have felt too rushed??? thanks for the nice platonic relationship wes 

jorge was great and im glad they didn’t kill any of the ones who didnt die in the books like frypan tHANK YOU 

literally evetything felt rly smooth and clean i lov??? 

they put bits in that were in earlier books taat they couldn’t fit in the earlier movies!!! rose took my nose i suppose!!! we’re all bloody inspsired!!! etc etc

god when they found minho and thomas and newt were so happy and !!! it was rly fucking sweet 

paradise looks really nice and just??? so glad 

i’ve always loved how they show how much the trio (and everyone rly) cares about each other like there’s so many good connections in the books/films and they did so well with those 

how in the glade they wrote the names of the alive and then crossed them out when they died but this time they wrote the names of the DEAD AAAAA BOOKENDS 4

newt being so fucknig sweet and selfless and not waiting to get the serum but instead helping thomas bc minho is their priority aAAAAAAAA

listen they bput so much more focus ontop newt’s death and all the others saw his body and it felt so much more impactful??? i was in complete tears and with the LETTER and everything (which i’ll be discussing in the next section c; ) 

i haven’t had many films or any piece of media that really made me feel so emotional and take me on such a journey but jesus fucking christ genuinely this film got me it was abolsutely incredible 

ok so super mega ultra pros aka thomas and newt things that GOT ME

ok but their connection was so genuinely strong and amazing in this film it REALLY made up for the scorch trials film lmao 

newt being his emotional stability until he starts succumbing to the flare  and then thomas had to become NEWTS physical stability??? POETIC CINEMA i mean newt was the ONLY ONE who talked thomas out of beating the shit out of gally holy fUCK

newt knowing that thomas was gonna run off and knowing he wouldn’t be able to stop him, so instead he tags along because HE’D FOLLOW HIM ANYWHERE 

wE STARTED THIS TOGETHER WE MIGHT AS WELL END IT TOGETHER

just??? all the hugs and pats and making sure the other is okay??? gOD 

when newt showed thomas the flare veins stuff and thomas immediately is like nope we’re gonna fix you, lmao mOOD

lmao the thing that caused newt to have that flare induced anger outburst was thomas still caring abt teresa?? listen im not saying it’s a good way to react bc...it’s not but still uhhhh   🤔🤔🤔🤔

god newt calling him tommy?? fuck 

when newt gave him that lil memento got me and the please tommy please??? mMMMMMMMMMMMMM

ok thorough the scuffle i couldn’t actually tell if thomas or newt ended up....killing newt but oh god fuck newt’s last word was tommy and god thomas looked fucknig broken and it was that (and beforehand, teresa’s promise that he could save newt) that had him go to teresa AAAAAA

speaking of, teresa KNOWING that bringing up newt would be the best way of getting through to him bc thomas cares abt him so much and needs to save him and aaaaaaa (listen....thomas is Bi he loves teresa and newt and he never gOT TO REALISE WITH NEWT AAA) 

‘could i have really saved newt?’ AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA o god thomas has to live with that NO 

thomas literally dragging newt with everything in him because hr abolsutely refused to give up on him mmMMMMMMMM

o god the letter the fuKCING LETTER listen....it wasnt in the books o i DIDNT SEE IT COMING like i know there was A letter in the book but it wasnt as genuinely heartfelt and sweet and sad as that oh god i was full on sobbing and sniffling and oh god 

i cant remember the exact words bc oh god that was hard but newt talking abt not being scared of death but scared of forgetting was so sad aaaa 

the bit that was like ‘i knew i’d follow you anywhere’ and that he’d do it all again hHHHHHHHHHHHHH and him saying that thomas deserves to be happy and o god listen...newt was in love with his ass he was oh my fucking god and like...even if you dont believe that they still had the BEST dynamic in the entire gotdamn series it was genuinely beautiful i??? listen they were frodo and sam thATS WHAT THEY WERE AAAA IT WAS DONE SO WELL 

[coloristathings]

OC Questions: Credence Ridley.

Because morgan and i have no chill @misfitcrows

QUESTIONS: 1. What is your name? Credence Rae Ridley.

2. Do you know why you were named that? My dad has a unhealthy obsession with comic books. I was named after Graydon Creed, which in comic book world is Sabretooth and Mystiques kid. He initially just wanted to name me Creed but my mother would have divorced him and thus here we are.

3. Single or taken? Happily single.

4. Stop being a Mary Sue! *snorts* Jesus Christ.

5. What’s your eye color? Green.

6. How about hair color? Clearly its black.

7. Have you any family members? An older sister named Noxis and a twin brother named Zephyr… had an older brother named Ezra…

8. Oh, how about pets? A chinchilla named Skids and a pitbull named Cerberus.

9. That’s cool, I guess. Now tell me something you don’t like? People who assume i’m a cold hearted person when i just have really bad resting bitch face. *laughs*

10. Do you have any activities/hobbies that you like to do? Skateboard, dirt bike, draw, occasionally pretend i know how to sing. *shrugs*

11. Have you ever hurt anyone in any way before? Not that i know of or have been made aware of and if i have thats really shitty.

12. Ever… killed anyone before? No but there is this one bitch named Cassidy who might change that answer.

13. What kind of animal are you? A wolf. Very much a pack animal, loyalty is a big thing for me.

14. Name your worst weaknesses. Why would i willingly give up my achilles heals to you?

15. Do you look up to anyone at all? My sister. She’s raised us since we were ten after my parents and older brother passed away - had to give up alot for my brother and i. She never complains though, never once shows that it bothered her and i think thats what makes me look up to her the most, she just goes and gets things done without second thought about it.

16. Are you straight, gay or bisexual? Bisexual.

17. Do you go to school? I just graduated highschool and i plan on taking year off so no.

18. Ever want to marry and have kids one day? I havent really thought about it in all honesty.

19. Do you have fanboys/fangirls? Only when im on the track and thats usually Quinn, Davon and Emily screaming at the top of their lungs.

20. What are you most afraid of? Disappointing people or upsetting them.

21. What do you usually wear? Whatever i feel comfortable in that day, i dont really have a style so to speak, as you can tell. *gestures to clothing*

22. What’s one food that tempts you? Cupcakes.

23. Am I annoying you? Not really, which is surprising.

24. Well, it’s not over! I could tell by the way you flipped your memo pad over.

25. What class are you (low class, middle class, high class)? High Class.

26. How many friends do you have? My brother and i share friends so enough to form a small village probably if i include teammates and track friends.

27. What are your thoughts on pie? Does anyone have negative thoughts on pie?

28. Favorite drink? Cocoa cola.

29. What’s your favorite place? This old treehouse on my grandparents first owned property in Brindleton Bay. Their house burnt down when we were kids but they kept the property which is literally only a mile away from their new home and built us a treehouse on it facing the water. I cant remember how many hours we spent in that thing but it was alot.

30. Are you interested in anyone? Yes and he’s a fucking moron unfortunately.

31. That was a stupid question. I guess so.

32. Would you rather swim in a lake or the ocean? Either or, i’m a mermaid by heart.

33. What’s your type? People who are laid back, low maintenance and can make me laugh. I’m not much of a ‘look’ person, i’m more of a emotional connection kind of person so if they have great qualities and depth to them, they’ll have me swooning.

34. Any fetishes? Intelligence. *chuckles*

35. Camping or indoors? Camping. We spent alot of time camping with our grandparents growing up, i loved it.

[xloserfeelingsx]

2020 has arrived

 ok so its a new year and I truly can't believe its the end of a decade is over. In this ten year period which for me felt like millennia is, in fact, the tiniest blip in the grand scheme of things which has me reveling in the fact that i have no idea who I truly am. One can think they're one person one minute and then the next a completely different person. Seriously i get that my teenage years and my early twenties is where i truly define who i am and make some sort of progress in this first world melodrama bullshit crisis I'm having but holy fuck there's so many me’s to choose from, for example, do i want to be the girl who stays away from love after being so hurt by her ex or do i want to be the girl who will fall in love the second he tells me his favorite book. oh and another thing what is this fantasy everyone has with coming to new york finding a quaint little bookshop in manhattan and falling in love with the worker there???? like where can i find that here, i want someone who will read with me but won't me make feel stupid cause i want to read Suzanne collins cause you know Hunger games was an amazing series. Anyways back to the point, do i want to be a straight edge girl who follows the rules and does what's best for everyone or a complete badass who acts on her own accord? Honestly, who says i can't be all of them. Isn't cray how some people literally ooze confidence and those who don't are really chewed up and spit out until they either fake their own confidence or flee.

 Another thing that scares me besides not knowing how i am in my truest form and whether its actually me or the me i want it to be ya know? its love. Love scares the absolute fuck out of me, Jesus i can barely handle my own fragility how am i expected to handle someone else's, i don't want that responsibility, i don't think i can handle the bad that comes with love. past me would call present me a pussy and to man up and handle my emotions and to just let myself fall but the last time i fell i scrapped my knee so i just fill the void with meaningless encounters because the thought of connecting with someone like that again brings back the process of it all especially the landing from the fall.Im also afraid what i would do for love, Love makes people do crazy things, things that they'd never do outside of love. yes, i may have been watching YOU on Netflix lately but still, love is blind and you can't see the wickedness of peoples, true soul, when you're too busy staring at the glimmer in their eyes and the way they laugh at your jokes. Then there's the other side of me that sees the beauty in love and im so afraid that no one will ever love me the way i want to be loved,  am i not deserving of love? i really try not to look for it because in my experience you don't look for love, it comes and finds you . As corny as it sounds fate knows what its doing and maybe this just their plan, be alone for till you someone who really cherishes you and values you for the person you really are. Making this one of the most vicious cycles ive ever really encountered. How is anyone suppose to love me for me when i dont even know i am . What version sells the best? what if they love but not the others? do i just erase those parts of me to become the person of their dreams? What if i only love a version of them?  

im scared for the future but i guess thats the good part. the anticipation is setting me up for failure or gives me the choice not to settle 

i hate being this public but relating to others might give my own insecurities validations 

[hoodedlouis]

my review of harrys show

this is gonna be long & its mainly for twitter but hi this is from his radio city show

so im gonna get the ‘negative’ side out of the way first, i may review each and every song but who knows yet im just excited to do this 

THE SETLIST- should not be how it is, its just an odd mix and as much as i love ever since new york, it should not be the opening at all. I agree with only angel being the opening cause i mean cmon with that lead up & its fast paced but not too much so its fun to start, i just think that having those like not slow but not fast songs first mixed with two ghosts does not work, it should be only angel, ever since new york, carolina, ever since new york, and then the rest how it is (mainly bc i cant remember the setlist loooooollololooloolol) 

as much as i love just a little bit of your heart, it really doesnt fit, it really is kind of random and the sadness of it just doesnt really fit where it is and idk its just an odd cover to do once ur like in the setting and not just watching from videos, i think he needs another hyped up one to play, idk what he would play but i think he needs something to really get the crowd going, also story of my life should not be the second cover im sorryvfurebf but like i and maybe half the crowd blanked on the words plus stockholm IS SO GOOD CMON

NOW THE POSITIVE, lets talk about him in general because jesus fucking christ, if you dont know i was second row for this show in the pit and it was fucking insane, he’s beyond gorgeous and pics do not show his full potential, his voice is actually that good like i was shocked with all his running and jumping just how fucking good he sounded, he’s so raspy and really does his job well, he was made to be on stage its so clear to see how much he loves it and really gives his all during his shows, i could not take my eyes off him and i just swayed along during the sad ones and went insane during the fast ones while my eyes never left him, he really does trap you in and connects with the crowd, SPEAKING OF CROWD, the fucking attention he pays to the crowd is insane, yes he caters to the first two rows a lot but he makes sure to connect to the back and upper and he was itching the entire time to climb those stairs im so happy he did, he has such a presence that i really cannot describe you really can only experience it and i hope you all get the chance to be second row for him, ever since his show ive been feeling so weird like i actually ache to see him again, i miss him terribly and this show left such a lasting impression on me because it was just that good like truly mind blowing once i think back to it

KIWI GOES OFF CAN I TELL YALL THAT EVEN THOUGH YOU KNOW, i was lucky enough to hear it 2.5 times and he fucking owned every single time, that song gets the crowd going so much no matter where u sit and he makes sure to sing in your face (i would know i had the pleasure of screaming im having your baby with him while he was in my face) WOMAN IS SO SEXY LIVE LIKE WE ALL KNOW ITS SEXY BUT ITS SEXY (he did not think my dancing was sexy https://twitter.com/hoodedlouis/status/914613372087361536 see that face from the beginning to :05 yeah that was at me LMAO HE LOVES ME) what makes you beautiful is his pride and joy that man loves one direction and he loves the love we all still have for that band

NOW THE SAD ONES, two ghost really doesnt pack a punch for me live, idk why but like i zoned out for 5 seconds during it and i freaked over his note changes more than the song idk what it is but jfc was i not looking around for louis behind those curtains, SWEET CREATURE RUINED MY SOUL that is my favorite song and it really really hits you, you can feel how that man feels about whoever hes singing about (louis) and u can tell the crowd isnt focusing on who its for we just make it about him and sing back to him, i just remember sobbing along while singing and he has such a look on his face when he lets the crowd sing you bring me home to him because he gets it and he knows, FTDT > MMITH BY A LONG SHOT, before i didnt care for them much they were on the same level for me, LIVE FTDT HITS TOO FUCKING HARD, it had me crying and the tears would not stop its heartbreaking and you can hear/feel it from him, mmith is kinda just eh to me like its still a lot for him but he has a lot more emotion for ftdt, he makes this speech either before the chain or sott but it kinda bases around sott and let me tell you. hearing sott live. takes you on the worst ride, you just go back to that video of him walking before it came out and you remember being so excited and shocked and i went back to my night in my room waiting till 4am to hear it on bbc 1 and you feel your first reaction and u feel how much that meant to him, he looks around the crowd while singing we got to get away while the crowd gets louder and watching his eyes he is just really taking it all in nd cant believe he gets to do this

overall, as i sit here in public trying not to cry over it, this concert is my overall first favorite and has left such an impact on me that i will never be able to move on from, im seeing him at msg and i know it wont be the same bc this was beyond intimate this was on another level where it felt like it was just you and him, i miss him terribly i feel like i left a bit of my heart with him and you will never understand how much i feel bc i cant describe it, harry styles is a legend no matter how much u wanna take away from certain things due to other things, hes got something to him and he knows it and he thrives on the crowd and i love him so much i cant even tell you, i am so so lucky to have gone and been so close and to have had moments with him where i felt like it was just me and him in the room as old friends i hope you all get to see him and experience the heart wrenching and heart swelling experience i got  

[br3adnbutterfly]

Its been a little while since ive posted here. Alot has gone on with me, mentally emotionally .. physically lol .I am always so horrible at keeping an active diary even tho i wish i could do it .. hmmm :) Well lets start off by just saying that the month of July has been lit AF . some things have changed recently, i thought i met my soul mate. . but things went south pretty quickly unfortunaely. There is alot of questioned emotions i feel that only make sense spiritually. but ive accepeted it for what it is, time is the only factor here. But the more time goes on the more im realizing that everything defiently has a purpose. Todays quote from shakespere that meant something to me is " the past is prologue" meaning .. everything that has happened is just a step to what is meant to happen. Its all apart of the process. Everything we see and everything we feel is connected in a different plane. Ive been talking alot to a freind . spirutal healer physcic and he has told me so many interesthing things about my spirit and past lives. these past few weeks i have felt so much more enlightened and in touch wtih my spirtual self. If only i could learn to meditate! Its wild how real it all is... you almost start to lookse yourself like your body doesnt even exist really. its just a fucking machine / host . I feel like ive come such a long way these past few months with how ive been feeling about myself and life. Going to Colorodo alone was liberating . I met my friends there but i got this overhwlemoing sense of freedom that i didnt need to look after anyone i could do whatever the hell i wanted haha . We got so high haha ... i spent nearly $200 just in despensaries but thats what you gotta do your first time in Denver haha.. believe me i got it out of my system. -- .i am so in touch with how i feel it blows my mind.i know exactly what, who, where i want to be .everything we feel has purpose, im literally stoned and rambling right now .I Could sit here and tell you that im over my feelings but im not a liar. but my feelings frustrate me bc they dont make any sense other than it is a reflection of the things i am lacking.like abandonment and lonlineness... my own issues i need to deal with that is the purpose of a twin connection.'; lessons ; BLEH! enough wiht that - can we just talk about how chipotle fucking charges 3$ for a scoop of guacmole ..i caused a scene today i was fucking pissed but hayyy monday is my birthday. i better get all the free quac yo,. lst weekend we went to camp bisco- fucking so awesome. they had a waterpark inside the festival anyone could use! i saw bassnectar 4 times in one week hah i love that man so much. space jesus was my favorite set tho.-- > now next weekend is farm fest! Sunday night is like b2b2b2b2b2b2b some of my favorite djs and then we are gonna watch a set til sunrise omggg im so excited its gonna be magical :)

[ladyloveandjustice]

The Great Ace Attorney Replay, Apollo Justice Case 2 Part 1

This is also from chatting w/ my gf but she was asleep for the first part so its basically just me talking. endlessly. Again she claims she enjoys this so.

I'll play a little of the second case...oh right they're a talent agency right now. Trucy, Phoenix's adopted daughter, is a magician. She's cute. And also in charge of the business. She's the main source of income for their household at 15. u go girl

Phoenix got hit by a car and went headfirst into a telephone pole but somehow only sprained his ankle. Now we gotta go visit him in the hospital.

wow that is way more Steel samurai dvds than I remember how is Maya affording all this. Oh, it's all the different series there have been like 12 or something by now apparently.

Phoenix: a "kid" I know keeps sending them to me. 

Apollo: "Like a niece or nephew?" 

Phoenix: "...something like that". 

Apollo thinks he's talking about an actual child and is very confused.

More Steel Samurai.

 "...I didn't know you were into this stuff, Mr. Wright."

 Phoenix: "Well, what else is there to do when you're stuck in bed? They'll just keep piling up if I don't watch them. Now's the only time I get to watch and write my reports."

 Apollo: "...reports?" 

Phoenix: It's a long story. Like a lot of things.

omg is Maya making him write essays to her about the episodes she sends him and he's doing it. That's adorable I completely forgot about this.

Phoenix is basically liveblogging his reactions to the Steel Samurai for Maya just like I'm doing to you. we're so connected right now.

I showed Nick my badge and he was like "huh what is that thing" shut the fuck up Nick we know you're being a troll.

Even Apollo called bullshit on that "there's absolutely no way you don't recognize that" "gosh not really it's just been too long i guess"

This game is easy to chatblog to you bc i don’t really care about the plot or anything happening in it all that much, i just care about little things like this. Phoenix being pushed to the point of legitimately being bitter and kinda like "fuck it" is interesting and I'm probably going to mostly pay attention to that situation. Also Trucy and Ema when she shows up, they're both great.

I mean, i like Apollo, he’s good, but the game isn't really about him at all? It's sad because it's supposed to be his game but...it isn't. I mean Phoenix's games were pretty other-character focused but they are people he has strong emotional connections to and how they factor into his life, shaped who he is, and how he helps them and finds out what he can do in the process. There's nothing like that for Apollo in this game, he's just sort of swept along by events that have more to do with Phoenix.

Other games are better about that though. The sixth game that just came out was essentially his game even though Phoenix was in it a lot and gave him a storyline and character arc. So he's not a neglected character now (there are female characters in the series that are way more neglected so fandom whining about his treatment makes me roll my eyes) or anything,it's just this game. being kind of shitty.

So he's really the least interesting part of his own game, just because the game doesn't even focus on him. u don't know why he became a lawyer, what drives him, etc. Later games had to actually have to make that up and give him backstory. It's just kind of hilarious the game actually NAMED for him didn't bother.

So if my chats are more like about other characters, that's why. not just bc you'd be more familiar with them, this game in general is just...seeing how things changed in the timeskip, how people are coping etc is legit more interesting than what's actually going on.

I think Phoenix is dealing with being sad entirely by telling bad jokes constantly and having zero filter on his sarcasm. I feel that.

There is stuff all over his bed. I feel that too. He's not even putting DVDs back in their cases. When this is pointed out he's all "i was actually raised in a barn. don't let word get out, Apollo."

Luci: lool

Caitlin: "Yeah it might ruin your illustrious career of pretending to play the piano" RUDE, Apollo. He ALSO plays poker which is a lot like being in court somehow. according to him. It's a full career.

For all I know he was raised in a barn. we never find out anything about his family. he may have just sprung into existence one day.

omg, Phoenix is all like "if you don't help us Apollo we wont be able to pay our rent or for food.. There's only two people in our talent agency so if one falls the whole thing goes it's symbiotic." PROBABLY THEY'LL BOTH DIE, APOLLO, ARE YOU OKAY WITH THAT.

Luci: is apollo stuck with murder cases for his first trails also

Caitlin: Yes.

Luci: of course

Caitlin; "this isn't an appropriate conversation to be having with your fifteen year old" Oh, but if Trucy's living with Phoenix she has to know dying in poverty is a constant possibility. She's also probably the most together one here.

Phoenix is like "maybe you can find the guy who hit me" and Apollo's like "I'm a lawyer not a detective?" Okay Apollo but if you're going to be in these games you have to realize they are basically the same thing.

Luci: dont worry you dont really "investigate"

its more like breaking and entering, stealing, tampering with a crime scene

that sort of stuff

Caitlin: Now Phoenix is describing the hit and run 

"Someone just tried to run me over and then drove away, pretty creepy right?" 

"Almost as creepy as you talking about it like it's not a big deal." 

He's been through a lot, Apollo. Attempted murder is just part of life in Ace Attorney land you get used to it.

"Anyway here's where the ~tragedy~ took place" Phoenix jesus christ someone trying to kill you is not funny. The *tells uncomfortable jokes" bit for hobo Phoenix in the "tag urself which Phoenix are you meme" is even more accurate than I remembered.

oh I remember this part. FUN WITH LOCALIZATIONS. So our client is a "noodle stand" guy- and in the original Japanese of course Maya and Nick would always be hitting up the ramen stand and the implication is it was this guy's, especially since he says "he and his assistant used to come by a lot in his attorney days"

but in the localization it was always burgers so that comment just comes out of nowehere

the walls are breaking down

[tamiddyinyourcity]

In the time I left my high school ex, I:

Lost my v card

Had like three decently meaningful relationships that, although failed, still had more value than the on and off one i was trapped in for 3+ years total

Got a pixie cut

Commited a few technical crimes

Made friends

Learned more about college life, moving out, romance, trust with others, and expanded my connections in the industry that i love

Have gotten a fuckton of interesting stories

Actually learned more about myself as a person, and the things i deserve, and what i fully don't

Graduated from high school

And he:

Graduated from high school

Went to college (and isnt even making friends or doing well at it)

Thats it

No growth as a person, no new relationships since me, none of it

Was last seen sending me texts begging to eat my ass with no sexual reciprocation back, just since no other girl has liked him in the entire year or two he had been single

......See, this could have been resolved in so many ways.

A myriad of times where I gave him chances, asked for honesty. And hes still not changed.

Just for him to get all offended and start insulting my life, since I don't accept his advances.

Imagine how a relationship would have gone....

if he respected me enough to know that, yes, the girl you are dating and begging to be with you... knows the proper way to date herself.

And yes, of course her telling you upfront what she likes is a trustable source on ways to get her to enjoy your relationship...

Not your friend, whos never had a girlfriend.... or any other friend, except you, and constantly rubs lotion on his eczema in classes, and paints over the dirt on his unclean white nikes.

Natural selection.

Now we've blocked each other. Good. He should get a grip.... how is it that ive been through hell and back, but im telling THEM how to get a grip??? Thats a sign. You're obviously fucking up, dude.

The emotion im feeling is a type of swear, but I can't verbalize it right now.

But... yeah. Its like if I were the second best rank to a captain, giving advice to a captain on how to not sink a ship, but the captain is too busy setting the ship on fire and driving directly into ice bergs to pay any mind.

And then once you finally flip shit at them, they drive the ship into the ocean on purpose, slaughter all the passengers, and then go "TAKE RESPONSIBILITY FOR YOUR OWN ACTIONS, JESUS, DONT FOCUS ON WHAT I'M DOING! YOU CANT CONTROL YOUR EMOTIONS, YOU WERE YELLING AT ME."

......

There's a very good reason he hasnt been with anyone else till this fuckin day.

And its what he deserves.

This is probably a healthier outcome. Calling him an asshole is better than purposely letting him eat my ass, then leaving immediately afterwards. Since this dude disgusted me so badly, even the idea of that would just be super gross.

I could go on for AGES. That time he had his friend jab me in the ribs a bunch? That time he broke up with me since he was willingly letting his friends bully me? Him and his friends all texting me shit from different numbers at multiple times? Me buying a game for the class to enjoy, and then, isolating me from the game itself?

He used to even whisper and throw fits to teachers if he had to ask to use one of the class PCs I had been using, since there were only 3. My only request was he ask nicely for it instead of whispering swears about me to the teacher, and he couldnt even do that!

If anyone ever goes "why are you not trusting of having relationships with others", well, i tried giving a shit and this dude never even tried.

And then went out of his way to bully or harrass me if i left him for never ever respecting our relationship.

No more words are necessary for this asshole.