#dont regret it i still like everything goin on here even if i do not know what any of the fandoms are

[that-one-weeb-buts-its-the-main]

Being Bloodhounds Younger Sibling

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Reader: General Netural | "you"/Y/n | Platonic

Notes: I really liked this

Warnings: one accidental walk in scene nothing explicit

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Bloodhound has always been very protective of you

Bloodhound taught you everything you needed to know

From multiple languages, Both the lauange of your people and of the diffrent worlds and too hunt using the old ways

Often they would try and keep you back, but you couldnt help but be excited to follow

You didnt know your parents like Bloodhound did, and they did there best to teach you as they would have.

You've picked up wood carving, especially on long hunts where you feel you do nothing but sit.

You often carve into the trees as well

When you were around the age where bloodhound lost there parents, they realized you were going amongst your own struggles.

No. Not Death, or Romance, Or Identity crisis

But rather your hearing

They realized you started loosing your hearing: it weak at first, not hearing things here and there, to not hearing things: like sticks crack infront of you

Your loosing your hearing and though you dont go deaf completely before they leave

Yet over time its clear you'll get there.

From then on, Bloodhound tries and make up a sign lauange for the two of you: its not exactly understandable to others, and some people are trying to learn it as well as you run around showing the kids your age

But with what limmited literal knowledge bloodhound manages to come out uptop, as they always do in your eyes.

Bloodhound's big day, coming of age hunt, was...worse than you anticipated it

You still young didnt really realize what your older sibling had done wrong

But it made bloodhound mad, and they even snapped

With immediate regret they apologized but still didnt let you have the burden of what was happening.

So when bloodhound went to...redeem themselves you werent expecting an attack on the village by the monster thats been plauging the village.

With your uncle now dead, Bloodhound was now leaving...

You were confused on exactly what your older sibling, your only family was leaving for.

"I'll see you when you come back?"

"When I come back." Bloodhound spoke louder than normal, accompanied with a nodded

Bloodhound watched the child nod, it. Saddening. Yet....relieving.

Nothing bad could happen to you with themself gone.

Days turned into Weeks, weeks into months, months into years, years into a decade...

Since Bloodhounds leaving you hadn't really fit in anywhere, adults labeled you back luck, a bad omen, kids were told to stay away from you, people talked about you infront of you and behind your back.

So....you left.

You get lost that is. Going anywhere but nowhere

In the deep snow you come across tracks, bears, small, one set, a cub.

Following them you find the little guy stuck.

New animal friend acquired.

After all he follows you on your heels for the next three miles

Hes small but he wont be small for long

He fits in your pack for now, and sticks his head out as you make your way.

Days and days of walking, camping and more walking

you finally see smoke, bad smoke, and push your way forward, maybe you could find people that way.

Turns out, your days of walking is brought by more walking

And you accidentally throw yourself into the apex games, (Duos to be exact)

Turns out the apex games were goin on in your very own backyard.

Luckily you and your new friend you yet to name have battle expirence under your noses.

You dont really seen anybody till you turn a corner at the bridge and run straight into metal.

Pathfinder luckily.

"You must be my teammate." He spoke happily, "I was wondering when you'd show!"

"Team...mate?" Y/n asked uncertain if they heard the bot infront of them.

"Highfive! Teammate!" He spoke happily, lifting his hand up.

Y/n looked at him confused but placed there hand on his, his screen lighting up in a smile causing them to flinch.

You were intrested, and because Pathfinder amd you met, you introduce him to your friend.

The bear in your backpack

"That is a bear!" He cheered, "what is name?"

Y/n hadnt come up with one, "oh. Uh. Bear?"

"Highfive Bear!"

Pathfinder sadly did not receive a highfive from Bear

But rather a growl in happiness and was the set down.

So you three contuined, and Pathfinder called out any weapons he seen for you

"You may like a Sentinel if you are new to this! Keeps yourself in the background!" Pathfinder commented holding the snipper in hand.

He stopped, watching Y/n look out in the distance, they looked. Solemn. Alone even despite the two new friends at there sides.

Pathfinder tapped Y/n's shoulder, Y/n turning around.

"You have a hard time hearing!" Pathfinder spoke loudly.

"Sorry." Y/n apologized.

"Will captions help you?" Pathfinder spoke.

"Captions...?"

Words showed up on Pathfinder's screen.

Perhaps words would be easier, y/n looked at the screen.

"I...dont know what that is." Y/n responded, unknowing how to read.

"Perhaps I shall just speak louder then! It is no problem!" Pathfinder chimed, "Please take this weapon!"

Y/n shook there head, "That is forbidden."

Pathfinder was confused, how did you even make it in the games?

But as you were discussing: a bullet past by the two of you.

Turning heads you both looked at a larger Islander Male and a Red head Jamaican girl.

"Poor bastards." She laughed her accent thick as Pathfinder Grabbed Y/n, both rushing for cover.

Bear rushing after the two, Y/n grabbing Bear before he slid across the metal floor.

You both were pinned, and you looked over the crate.

"Stay." Y/n ordered Bear, pulling an axe from there bag

You rushed the two, Pathfinder covering you as you were quick to climb the zipline with the axe in your mouth

Making it up quick you went for Lifeline, a strong kick into the underside of the jaw and then the but of the axe to the side of the head while Pathfinder handled the big guy.

You actually ended rocking Gibraltar's war club and your own Axe.

"May the Allfather guide there souls." Y/n spoke.

Wait. Allfather?

Pathfinder's heard that somewhere.

But he cant find where in his processors wheres he's heard that

With Bear giving out a growl in worry he'd be left down below, Y/n slid down and let Bear come back into there pack before climbing back up

"This is the ring!" Pathfinder explained pointing at his screen, "We are outside of it! We'll need to venture inside! And while so we may run into teams! Fun killing!"

When had killing become fun?

Y/n was silent though, as the two contuined on.

No guns were used by Y/n, just axe and warclub

And when they found Revenant and Mad Maggie, that Sycthe was added to the collection.

They didnt really run into to many people after that.

The two were walking across a bridge, exposed and out in the open

"Ay got two enemies out there. With two squadies left." Fuse spoke up, Krabber in hand aimed and ready to fire, "Got Pathfinder and some new kid. Take a look babe."

Bloodhound kneeled down next to Fuse, and Fuse detacted the scope and handed it over.

"I see the MRVN looting," Bloodhound explained, shifting the sights over before zooming in, the face unclear as there head was looking inside the crate, Pathfinder looked to be explaining things inside.

"No..." Bloodhound spoke, "That person. They are from my Village."

"Eh? Someone I gotta worry about for your hand in Marraige?" Fuse joked.

Bloodhound was in no mood, "They have a bear in there backpack. That isnt a competitor-"

"Such a shame." Loba spoke up, Pistol pressed to the back of Fuse's head, "I knew you were getting old but not that old."

"Hi bloodhound! Fuse!" Vantage waved to the two happily trigger ready to pull the trigger.

"Please. I ask for a truce-"

Loba laughed, "oh?"

"That person with Pathfinder. Is from my Village- they're not suppose to be here-"

"I could careless-"

"Show some compassion would ya?!" Fuse argued.

"They're family?" Vantage asked.

"They're trying to trick you!" Loba argued, "Whoever that is. Will kill us! They've already killed!"

Vantage looked at the two, "alright."

"I'll do it myself!"

"Wait!"

Two headshots later there was only two squads left.

"Looks like you were busy-"

"Shit! Ambush!-" Loba shouted, Pathfinder ziplining straight into her, sending her over the cliff to fall to her death.

Meanwhile Y/n jumped off some crates Vantage too impressed to move, it ending her time as she followed Loba off the cliff.

"We have our champions!"

"We won!" Pathfinder cheered, "We're the best!"

Y/n watched as a flying ball came into view, it had a camera as they looked at it confused, face covered in blood and confused as they looked at the thing.

"Damn kid!" Revenant shouted he on the drop ship, they all watching the two new championship.

"It is a shame we hadn't met in battle. An intresting challenge they would have been." Ash declared.

"You gonna be alright there?" Fuse asked, ice pack in hand, a nasty headcahe from the headshot.

Bloodhound nodded, back to everyone, secluded with there face uncovered and helmet off.

"I." They sighed, "Will be alright."

Fuse smiled at them, it small and fulled of concern.

"Really..thank you my Walter." Bloodhound spoke holding Walter's hand in reassurance.

"Oh my flyers!" Vantage shouted rushing over, "I'm sorry! I really am! I would of liked to help really!"

"Woah! Woah! Pup!" Fuse stopped Vantage from comin to close, "Houndy's not really comfortable infront of others without. Ya know."

"Right! Sorry!"

Bloodhound carefully put themselves back together before turning to the younger legend.

"I understand, as well as the predictiment. I congratulate you on your sucesful Slatra and Victory. The all father blesses you today."

"Me? No! No!" Vantage smiled, "That person from your village! They won! With Pathfinder. See!"

Bloodhound turned toward the screen.

A stagename given to them already 'The Nameless'

But nameless they weren't.

"Y/n..." Bloodhound responded longing, sadness, in the modulated voice, "Oh...my Y/n... what have you done..."

What?

Fuse is lost. "YOUR" Y/n?

Confused Australian noises

When the ship picks the champions up, all are confused.

Where the fuck did you come from?

No one really considers your win a win.

And the Bear that comes crawling out your pack scares the fuck out of Mirage.

They ears didnt pick up the soft call of there name, but there eyes caught the figure.

"Bad blood between the two?" Mirage whispered causing Rampart to elbow him, earing an Ow.

They were floored, watching the figure so familiar walk over. Diffrent in armour yes, but the allfather told Y/n who was truly infront of them.

Bloodhound stopped just a few steps away from Y/n. Y/n quickly fell to there knees, lifting the weapons of there bidding up in there hands above there head.

Bloodhound's gloved hand reached forward grabbing Y/n's hand, signalling them to rise to there feet.

"Weapons of my battle." Y/n responded, blinking erratically to dismiss the tears, "Slátra for the All father! Gifts for my leader."

Bloodhound held out there hands as Y/n handed them over, all of the damage with such simple weapons.

They slipped from Bloodhound's hands to the floor. Reaching over they quickly hugged Y/n.

Y/n unable to hold in any more tears as they cried and hard.

"I missed you! So much!" Y/n cried.

Bloodhound pulled away only to pull down there mask and place a hard kiss on Y/n's cheek, hugging them again.

"Are you crying?" Bangalore asked.

"What? No." Valkyire argued, a lie, "Okay. Its making me miss my dad-"

Bangalore was surpised but sighed as Valkyire hugged her.

It some how became contagious, hugs went around.

"I love you man!" Octane cried.

"Haha! Alright Alright!" New Castle laughed.

"Come on girlfriend!" Pathfinder cheered.

"No- No!-" Ash argued Pathfinder hugging her anyways.

"One dont hurt." Rampart smiled at Mirage.

"Neither does two." Horzion cheered bringing them both into hugs.

Vantage watched, it something she desperately wanted, affection, but none of that werid kissy stuff.

"Need a hug kid?" Fuse asked, "I could do with one."

"...yeah."

"Im not hugging you Demonio."

"Didnt expect one."

Bloodhound was all over you, wipping away the blood from your face mostly, gentle seeing a cut.

You missed this...this contact... there hands bare against your face.

They were always motherly to you, but fatherly in some ways.

Careful with you, but not so Careful like you'd break

You were...confused by them at the same time. This new bloodhound was...new. (duh)

And you didnt like the man staring at them from across the room

"There..." Bloodhound responded, "another to add to the collection.

Y/n left over the small butterfly bandages.

"I see you have no choose the way of the Raven." Bloodhound responded turning there head to watch Arthur tease the bear cub with it's tail feathers.

"...I...Im sorry." Y/n responded, "I...cannot hear you completely..."

"I know someone who can help," Bloodhound spoke louder, "They're always up for a new modification-"

"Someone said Modification!?" Rampart spoke up.

"But...we are-"

"I know." Bloodhound spoke grabbing Y/n's hand, "but we cannot keep denying the future to live in our past."

"Is...that why you left the tribe. Why you left....me..."

"No. Never." Bloodhound told holding there cheek, "I am a coward and should be shamed for what I did...to the tribe. To you. I am ashamed what I did to you. I am sorry. I beg for your forgiveness."

Y/n just hugged Bloodhound again. Bloodhound holding them tight

Fuse is a ball of fire sitting across the room.

"Hey egg. Stop throwin a hissy fit and ask." Maggie argued.

It was an understatement saying you were attached to Bloodhound.

Now people were your fans, you had to go into the Apex Games as an actual contestant.

Luckily you were allowed in, and given a room across from Bloodhound's

So with your new room and few things you own, aka you barely full pack, the chlothes on your back a bear, and the weapons from battle

Right you wanted to give those back.

You take your time, cleaning each one, sharpening them,

Gibraltar's wowed by your skill when you deliever it to him all prestige and pretty

"Wow! You're good!"

"It is your weapon. It should be with you."

Like said Gibraltar's thankful

Then you get to Revenant's room knocking on the door

He hates you due to humiliation.

But has to admit...you know how to sharpen your shit

You thank him, even if he just took it, after all you did use it, then just leave

And spend more time catching up with your older sibling

Fuse is kinda ticked off for the rest of the week.

He had no idea who you were, a sibling especially

You were young, good looking, strong, not afraid to show emotion.

Plus you had a fucking bear.

And shared culture with Houndy

Oh he thinks he's so fucked.

"Aye. Houndy. Can. I." Fuse started walking into the room, "Talk to ya."

Bloodhound looked over, "is everything alright My Walter?"

Walter closed the door behind himself, walking over to take a seat, Bloodhound bare faced,feeding Arthur.

"This...new kid."

"Y/n?"

"Yeah."

"What about Y/n?" Bloodhound asked.

"Did...ya know 'em. Ya know before the games."

Bloodhound chuckled, "I hope I did. Y/n before I left my village was...more than the all father to me. My everything..."

"But?"

Bloodhound was silent, stroking Arthur's neck.

"I...left Y/n there...my greatest, and most devistating decisions." Bloodhound responded, "One should not abandon family...and I did...I thought perhaps leaving them there...they'd be better off, I was just scared of facing what Y/n had thought of me after the attack."

"Ah..."

Fuse was even more mad at himself, of course they were siblings

Ah but jealously is a bitch

It was when Athur flew threw the open window you were confused.

Was it not feeding time?

He took to your arm as he use to so often.

And you walked over to Houndey's room.

"I believe Arthur came to pout to me about the lack of food-"

Y/n was frozen, in place, watching there sibling stripped of there top, sitting ontop another legend in a very much less clothed stature than there sibling.

"By The Allfather!"

Y/n quickly slammed the door, face red in blush as they backed up slowly in shock.

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Pt 2?

Tags: @chase-ing

[sneaky-salty-bitch]

Picture this:

It’s been a year after Ted’s dad’s passing and he’s still not okay about it. The young 17 year old boy constantly locks himself in his room while he lays on his bed staring up at the ceiling with a blank expression. He listens to the same song on repeat over and over again. Both Beard and his mom are worried, but Ted doesn’t have the energy to care. 

You said forever, but then you left in September.

I’m still holding on to, the nights that I don’t remember. 

You said you’d know when you got there - where you were goin’

And Ted would remember all of the times he would ask his dad if he was okay, he was worried about him. His dad hadn’t been acting like himself lately. But his dad would just smile and say, “Don’t worry about me, Teddy. I’m going to be just fine. I’ll get there eventually.” 

But I’m still sittin’ in my room... And I miss you.

Do you feel the same way? Lost and lonely without me.

Because of course Ted believed there was more to it than that. That his dad wasn’t just gone forever, he was somewhere in the universe. He may not have known where you went when you died, but he firmly believed you went somewhere. And he wondered if his dad ever regretted it.

If you’re actually happy, then I must be missin’ something.

But perhaps his dad was happy, perhaps he didn’t regret a thing and the thought of that alone made Ted physically ill. He wasnt even able to even begin to wrap his brain around that thought.

Didn’t know what I had till you let go. Maybe you can forget us but I won’t.

He wished he would have cherished the moments more, didn’t take what he had for granted. But he did. He didn’t realize just how little time he was going to have with him. And perhaps his dad had already forgotten about him and his mom, but he never would forget about his dad. 

Do you think that you made the right choice, the right choice? ‘Cause I don’t...

And Ted never would. How could he even try and think it was the right choice?

I’m not gonna act like everything was always fine. 

Had ups and our downs but... it was good most of the time. 

They fought sometimes, but who didn’t fight with their parents when when they were teenagers. Had he known what was to come, he would have never fought with him, though. He was glad that it was a rarity when they fought, had it been frequent he would have never been able to forgive himself.

And I’m sittin’ here locked in my room...

Where I still miss you.

Do you feel the same way? Lost and lonely without me.

If you’re actually happy, then I must be missin’ something.

Didn’t know what I had till you let go. Maybe you can forget us but I won’t.

Do you think that you made the right choice, the right choice?

‘Cause I dont...

And just sometimes when days seem harder than others Ted will still lock himself in his room and listen to this song on repeat. Michelle would always come in and try to pull him out of it, but now he was alone. Now he had no one. And he found himself listening to this song a lot more, just wishing his dad was still here.

_________________________________________________________

The song is Missing You by Gus. I did not come up with the lyrics ahahah but when I heard them I felt my soul leave my body, so there’s that.

[boogiewrites]

No.9: The Body

Chapter Five

Characters: Diego Hargreeves & OFC Eve Corpuz

Summary: Diego breaks down Eve unexpectedly, and Luther attempts to break down Diego.

Warnings/Tags: Light descriptions of fighting. Little bit of Luther. Talk of past trauma/abuse/death. 

Click on my icon then go to my Mobile Masterlist in my bio for my other works and chapters. Please like, comment and reblog if you enjoyed it! It helps out us writers A LOT! If you’d like added to the tags, just let me know. This is a multi-chapter fic.

Eve walked into the gym after work as she did most nights now. It greeted her half-lit but still bright enough to see the training area. She’d continually thanked Luther for being so accommodating, and he didn’t seem to mind in the least. She felt almost bad keeping him in the dark about her powers. She was dying to tell them all, to have people understand, to be around people like her as she tried to newly navigate this alternate reality she’d found herself having to accept. But Diego said to trust him, it was best to keep it as low key as possible until she felt a bit more certain. She did trust him, so she did as he suggested even if she felt like a kid being denied a gift.

She had acetaminophen in her system, her usual jug of water, and another large container of Gatorade in tow. She was as ready as she’d ever been. She was actually glad she decided to go late instead of early for her sessions. She was at least awake and warmed up and accustomed to the hungover feeling at this point.

“You showed up.” Diego smirks as he wraps his hands to ready for training.

“Of course I did.” she sasses back and throws her bag against the wall. She also liked not having anyone looking at her or bothering her while she worked out. No one around to steal her things, she could toss them instead of throwing them into a locker and be able to totally focus.

“You were getting a little faded when I left last night, didn't know if you’d be up to this.”

“I’ve already put in a shift today, dude. Don’t come at me with that shit.” she laughs and begins taking off her outer layers. Still staying in an oversized t-shirt and leggings as was her usual, she shook and jumped to warm up everything after it’s exposed to the still cold late winter air of the city that drafted through the old brick walls of the industrial-looking building.

“How was work?” he asked, always down to hear the gross-out stories she had to tell.

“Not great.”

“You good?” he asks, brows high and making an effort to meet her eyes.

“I’ll be fine. Just y’know, dealing with kids is hard.”

“They call you a butt head and it hurt your feelings?”

“No, they died from a drunk driver.” she stares into his eyes and she sees his instant regret.

“Oh shit. I-I'm sorry.” his posture slinks.

“It's what I signed up for, Diego. I’ll be fine.” she motions her hand to halt his sympathetic approach to her. “Just wear me out so I have to go home and collapse into a dreamless sleep.”

“Oh I’ve never let a girl down that’s asked me that.” he falls back into his playful self, trying to deflect the embarrassment he felt.

“Let’s not start now. C’mon.” she begins stretching and heads over to the heavy bags.

------

“Eve. You aren’t hitting like you MEAN it!” he says for the fifth time, trying her patience.

“I’m TRYING! I don’t know what you mean? I’m putting my whole body into it.”

“No, this isn’t about your body, you’ve got to FEEL it.” he shakes the bag as he holds it so she can hit it. She’d been shown how to wrap her hands, and get used to the feeling of hitting something and it jarring her back. But she kept hitting the bag, focused and form correct and he kept asking for more. She was starting to get frustrated.

“Is my form wrong?” she asks with dropped shoulders, panting.

“No, it’s perfect. That’s the problem. I want to see you get messy. In a real fight, you won’t have your head on perfectly straight. I want to see you give everything you’ve got and HIT. Like you HATE this bag.”

“I’ll hit it like it’s you if you don’t stop with this hippy sounding nonsense.”

“THAT is what you need!” he says exasperated too, trying to get her to give in and break, put her heart, not just her mind into it. He knew a fighter was inside her but her years of polish to appear as perfect as possible was a hard varnish to breakthrough. “Imagine it’s someone you hate.”

“I don’t HATE anyone…” she lies.

He cocks a brow at her. “Bullshit. Think of something that made you cry, made you lash out, made you want to beat someone's head in. HEY imagine it’s whoever stabbed you? What would you have done now that you KNOW how to fight huh? Imagine it’s them and that you’re going to give them what's coming to them.”

She takes a deep breath and presses her lips together. He didn’t really know what he was asking of her. Her therapist would be slapping him for requesting her to do such a thing. But she trusted his philosophy. And she imagined the bag was her mother. “I’ll… try okay. Just...stop talking and let me... focus.” she rasps out and stretches her neck.

He motions zipping his mouth and throwing away the key, and braces himself for her hit.

A one-two. A flash of her mother screaming at her. A few more hits. The feeling of true fear as she saw the wild in her mother's eyes. She begins a pattern, a few hits, and a deep breath. Eventually, it becomes a continuous downpour of hits, making sounds as she hits each time. It sounded like pain and Diego knew she’d found what she needed to fuel herself.

“There it is. You got it. Keep goin’.” he says softly, watching her eyes.

Her naturally dark hair is falling out of its tight ponytail, now flopping with every hit. She could hear her mother's voice, feel that fear for her life, and the deluge of insults that would be her inner monologue for so many years after. The hits came harder, with more grunts and whimpers after each one, each a time she’d been afraid. Her breathing buckles, the hits harder and harder, her knuckles aching until she throws in knees and kicks. It doesn’t stop, the feelings were broken open and he’d gotten what he wanted, but at what cost to her.

Diego was proud for a few shining moments until he saw the tears start to fall. Her lips went from tight to gasping, sobs breaking through her angry sounds of impact until her hits lost strength and her head hit against the bag. Her shoulders shook and his eyes went wide, quickly reaching around to her support her as the sobs hit and her knees gave out.

With an unsure hand on her back, her on all fours and trying to gasp through the sobs, the day and her past became too heavy at that moment and it all hit her, breaking her down into a tired, sweaty mess on the gym floor.

He sits next to her, silently, a now supportive rub to her back. “I”m sorry Eve I didn’t-”

She reaches her arms back and hits him lightly. “It’s-you didn’t-” stuttering inhale that she couldn't control.

“Sh… just breathe. Sit up here.” he pulls her up, sitting on her knees, pressing between her shoulder blades to give her lungs room to breathe. “Count in five, out seven.” He counts out loud for her, as her hands begin to still against her thighs and the sounds of pain cease. “I didn’t know you had panic attacks.”

“I dont,” she says wiping her eyes. “I just... it’s been a hard day.” she begins more weakly crying and lets a small laugh out to hide her pain.

“Uh…’ he takes his hands off of her as she begins to let herself stretch and retie her hair. “I think this is where I ask if you wanna talk about it?” he offers and his delivery makes her laugh.

“Better question.” she moves to wipe her face with the hem of her shirt. “Do you wanna hear it?”

With a pause he answers, “Of course I do.” and she turns to face him with still watery eyes.

“Really?” the disbelief almost hurt his feelings.

“Yeah. If we’re gonna be in this together, I wanna know what’s gonna set you off like this. I don’t wanna...make things worse than I already do.” he shrugs.

She nods, turning and plopping down to sit on her butt and cross her legs. “That’s... that’s really nice…” she wells up again and then laughs and rubs her face. “Must be time for me to start my period or somethin’,” she mumbles and it makes him chuckle.

“Or you’ve had a shitty upbringing that still follows you around no matter where you run. Not that I would know anything about that though, right?”

She considered hugging him. For the goofiness he showed, he also had a depth that you had to access through empathy. They both had finally let that facade of having their shit together break down and now they sat like two children in a play circle, sharing secrets.

“Did your dad ever stab you?” she asks with a weak smile as she let herself slump over with a deep sigh.

“He did actually. Tried to kill me.” he nods with an annoyed look on his face.

“Well fuck.” she snorts and rubs her face. “Maybe you do get it.”

“I do.” he leans in and puts his hand on her shoulder. “So tell me.” he asks softly.

“It was the night I ran away for good.” she begins, eyes wandering and looking at nothing as she recalled it. “There was this kid, this guy at school that used to bully me. He’d had me cornered and was... “ she sighs, “he was trying to hurt me. And he ended up having a seizure and dying.” her eyes stare out blankly. “Whispers started fast. Saying I killed him. Although how would I?” she says defensively still. “My mom...knowing about my...abilities she did blame me. She became convinced I’d kill her too. So she tried to beat me to it.” her face wrinkles, pulling her knees to her chest.

“Shit.” he quietly exhales. “That's fucked up, Eve.”

She lets out a genuine louder laugh that confuses him. “Yeah, it is.” She shakes her head and rests her chin on her knees. “I don’t know if you’ve noticed but we’re both pretty fucked up, Diego.” she offers with a smile and tears still wet on her lashes. It makes him give the smile back, a soft laugh shared between them. Sometimes you had to laugh not to cry.

After pulling her to her feet, he tells her there’s no way he’s making her train more tonight and sends her home. A comforting hug between them before she parts, it felt right to do so. She’d entered the gym with a secret that no one else knew, and left with the weight of it shared. It was no small step, and even though it hurt like hell, in the aftermath it felt worth it.

Diego has a contemplative look on his face as he begins to tidy and shut everything down. Luther appears from the men’s locker room, an apologetic look on his face.

“Didn’t know you were still here big guy.” Diego looks him up and down, trying to read him.

“Yeah…” he drags on, eyes not meeting his brothers.

“What?” Diego demands with a jutted out chin.

“I...uh...kind of heard….all of that…” he pushes back his chin and presses his lips. “Were you gonna tell us you found another person like us or… just keep that to yourself?”

“I didn’t want her to get freaked out by you all and leave.”

“Well she’s already met me and I’m the freakiest there is.” he chuckles softly.

He shrugs in non-insulting agreement. “I just… she’s the first person since..”

“Yeah.” Luther interrupts.

“Y’know who's GOT me. Like, she gets how messed up everything is, man. I don’t want her to…” he sighs and drops the tension in his shoulders. “I don’t want her to leave.”

Luther put a large hand to Deigo’s shoulder. “Ever think she might want to be a part of this?”

“No, Jesus why would she?”

“She’s been alone since she was what? Sixteen she said? She didn’t have support like we did growing up.”

“You’re gonna call what dad did to us support?”

“Look, the point is.. She doesn’t have a family. And even if you hate your family, like you claim to, you still keep coming back right?”

“I can stop.” he sarcastically suggests.

“Well, maybe that’s what she needs. A family. Or at least y’know...friends that understand her. She didn’t know what was going on when she was younger. Can you imagine that? I can’t.” he muses with raised brows, feeling bad for the kind doctor lady.

“I hate to admit this...but you’ve got a point.”

“I know. I do that sometimes. If anyone would listen.” he mumbles defensively. “And I mean.. she’s very nice. She seems...cool. I wouldn’t mind being able to help her out too.” He offers, and Diego knows he only means it in the nicest way possible.

“She is cool.” he nods and looks down, voice soft. “Just let me… I’ll do...somethin’. Just give me some time okay?”

“Secrets safe with me.” Luther says proudly.

“Oh shit, Luther you can’t keep a secret.” Diego groans.

“Yes I can!”

“This is going to end so badly…” Diego complains childishly and loudly. “She’s gonna get introduced to Five and he’s gonna be a DICK and she’s gonna leave and hate me and-!”

“Ah. I get it.” Luther grins.

“What? What’s there to get? We’re a bunch of crazy people, and she’s a nice girl and you’re all gonna freak her out!”

“You like her.” Luther keeps the same cheesy grin on his face.

“PSH!” Diego says dramatically. “I don’t- pfft. I don’t like her. She’s cool and all but-”

“Diego…” Luther comes in and gives his brother a forced hug. “Can’t believe I didn’t realize it sooner.”

“I don't.” he murmurs into his brother chest, being held against his will.

“It’s been like what? A year? Over a year now? Since… Voldemort happened

“Voldemort?” he pushes away.

“She who must not be named.”

“You can say her name.” he grumbles.

“Since Lila. You were a wreck. It’s about time you started to move on.”

Diego pouts and holds a low brow, looking up with disdain for his brother. Who was right. “Doesn’t mean you have to say it.” he mumbles back but Luther hears and laughs.

“I can’t wait to meet your girlfriend, Diego!” he cheers out as his brother sulks away.

“SHE’S NOT MY GIRLFRIEND!” he protests but the flush on his cheeks from embarrassment says otherwise.

@s-h-e-w-r-i-t-e-s​ @jaegeeeeer​ @diegos-butt​ @anglovesthis

[punkscowardschampions]

Ronnie & Joe

Ronnie: where the fuck mckenna Joe: stuck at this thing Ronnie: like i fucking said Ronnie: where Joe: oh Joe: this kid from my course was doing open mic so we all had to show up Ronnie: youve done youre time then yeah Joe: overtime Joe: i wanna be home bad Ronnie: leave Ronnie: whats keeping you there Joe: them Joe: you know how people are Joe: buying me more drinks Ronnie: fuck em Ronnie: down whatever youre on & fuck off Joe: i will Joe: i am Joe: you picked up or am i Ronnie: its on you Ronnie: for the radio silence Joe: come on baby Joe: can't hear myself in here nevermind my phone Ronnie: not your fucking baby Joe: don't be like that Ronnie: i dont only exist when its quiet in your head Ronnie: thank fuck Joe: no one does then Joe: that's the whole point ain't it Ronnie: the point is where the fuck have you been Joe: i told you ron Joe: if i didnt have to i wouldn't be gone from you Ronnie: if you werent a pussy you wouldnt have to do fuck all Ronnie: grow a pair for christs sake Ronnie: baby is fucking right Joe: ive got to go out sometime Joe: if i didn't show to uni i couldn't afford half the shit we cop Ronnie: you aint at classes Ronnie: so unless some bitch off it is paying you to escort i call bullshit Joe: sadly not Joe: see if any of 'em are game maybe Ronnie: with 1 foot out the door Ronnie: you wish Ronnie: no fucking game when youre trying to play fuck all except cello Joe: 💘 for my cello skills Ronnie: youve got groupies Ronnie: go cry to em like Joe: you're sick of me, yeah Ronnie: work it out cunt Joe: we don't need to play games Ronnie: goin from baby to middle fucking aged aint cute Joe: you've got it covered for the both of us Ronnie: fuck you Joe: now I can't call you cute Ronnie: you cant call me old shithead Joe: i weren't idiot Joe: come on Joe: it'll all be good when i get there Ronnie: you come on Ronnie: I could be fucking dead Joe: you aren't Joe: don't say that Ronnie: no thanks to you Ronnie: or fucks given by you Joe: stop it Joe: you're the only person i care about Joe: literally Joe: not even myself Ronnie: & this is how you show it yeah Joe: i'm shit Joe: i know it but i never told you no different Ronnie: get another drink bought for you mckenna Ronnie: drown in it Joe: we got better plans Joe: and methods Ronnie: stop pissing about then Joe: will you be my baby again Ronnie: not that easy Joe: what if i get you something special Ronnie: do it & find out Ronnie: why the fuck would i commit to a yeah for a maybe Joe: 'cos you know i'm gonna Ronnie: your word is for shit Ronnie: i know that Joe: fine Joe: i'll stop talking Ronnie: promises promises baby Joe: 😶 Ronnie: left yet Joe: just me and my two feet Joe: no promises Ronnie: if you aint & youre silent on me to talk to some other bitch you wont be walking anywhere Ronnie: thats a fucking promise like Joe: if you were trying to get me to go faster Joe: why would i wanna talk to anyone else Ronnie: why else go out with those doss cunts Joe: part of it is keeping 'em thinking i'm normal Joe: can't just show up and nod out Ronnie: youre the only 1 with your ma on speed dial Ronnie: who fucking cares Joe: means i don't need to go back don't it Joe: or would you rather i was in dublin every other weekend Joe: i do what i gotta for a reason you know that Ronnie: theres fuck all need to have that many playmates Ronnie: if you planned that it was to piss me off Joe: i wouldn't need to plan that Ronnie: fuck you Joe: and i didn't Joe: they're boring Ronnie: 💔 Joe: i am Joe: i miss you Ronnie: you dont Joe: yeah i fucking do Ronnie: you fucking dont Joe: how do you want me to prove it Joe: tell me Ronnie: i aint spoonfeeding you ever day of your fucking life Ronnie: not that bitch Joe: you want it you ask for it Ronnie: you wanna prove yourself do it Joe: i will Ronnie: 💘 Ronnie: picked a boss day for romance Joe: have i Joe: i'm always romantic Ronnie: dont you know what day it is Joe: oh Joe: lol yeah Joe: i'll get you garage flowers instead Ronnie: fuck off Ronnie: theyll die quicker than you Joe: picky Joe: put the rig to another use after then Joe: 🥀 v classic Ronnie: ill carve it into my arm as you like it so much Ronnie: cheers for the easy design Joe: you could wait 'til I'm there Joe: so mean, baby Ronnie: course you wanna watch Ronnie: putting down the glass like Joe: if you don't know me by now Ronnie: so misunderstood yeah Joe: 💔 Joe: you wish Ronnie: yeah you know me proper well Joe: bollocks Ronnie: keep the sweet talk coming baby Joe: that's not what you like Joe: silence is golden Ronnie: you reckon you know what i like now Joe: yeah Ronnie: took you long enough Joe: you been waiting all your life yeah Ronnie: shut the fuck up Ronnie: puked enough today cheers Joe: see? s'your favourite Joe: can't get enough Ronnie: hating you fuels me Ronnie: aint denying it Joe: you're so welcome Ronnie: got that from your avoidance tactics Joe: i'll turn around then Joe: give you a real reason to live Ronnie: try it Ronnie: ill fucking kill you Joe: have to come find me first Ronnie: yeah & Joe: you threatening me with a good time ain't how this day is supposed to go Joe: know that much Ronnie: itll go however the fuck i say Joe: yeah? Ronnie: you know that much about me mckenna Joe: ain't denying nothing me Ronnie: too busy doing it round your besties Joe: 'cos i don't owe them shit Joe: only you get to know me like that Ronnie: you said you were killing the sweet talk Joe: it ain't its just how it is Joe: you know me Joe: no one else, end of Ronnie: come be with me then Joe: i am Joe: one stop but that'll be worth it Joe: come to mine and stay yeah Joe: don't wanna see the others Ronnie: ill be there before you Ronnie: few streets away Joe: good Joe: i like it when you're there Ronnie: want me to kick the door in so your flatmate girlfriend has a heart attack Joe: go on Joe: if she lives i'll say you forgot your keys Ronnie: ill say its your 💘 day pressie Ronnie: all for you baby Joe: if you're also in a mac, believable Joe: her boyfriend dumped her so she'll definitely be in Ronnie: tonights the night for that 3some Ronnie: hot Joe: only if you kill her first 😏 Ronnie: we need her tears for lube Ronnie: think it through like Joe: we've always got blood, baby Ronnie: keep it up & ill deffo stay Joe: forever Ronnie: ive been waiting all fucking day for you Joe: i'm sorry Joe: i'm making it up to you, alright Ronnie: i mean hurry up Joe: 🚖 it and everything Ronnie: your gf will be thrilled Ronnie: can hear her crying from here like Joe: maybe its the cat Joe: very similar Ronnie: watch your fucking mouth bitch Joe: 😂 Ronnie: 😾 Joe: you're both very cute Ronnie: say that again & well both fuck you up Joe: adorable Ronnie: 🖕 Joe: 👼 you Ronnie: you wish soft cunt Joe: nah Joe: but i'll survive Ronnie: you fucking wont Ronnie: i know you like Ronnie: & what you like Joe: 'cos its you Joe: all you Ronnie: ruined your gfs rom com Ronnie: shes gonna need some of whatever the fuck youre bringing Joe: too bad Joe: its for you Joe: i might have some benzos she can have though Ronnie: 💘 Ronnie: its wild being here when you aint & she is Joe: rude of her to have her drug-fuelled orgies when i ain't in Ronnie: party can really start now i am Ronnie: know shes dying to break the tension Ronnie: 👊💋 Joe: won't make you wait for me on that score, babe Ronnie: like you could Ronnie: bitch is ready to go Joe: you trying to make me jealous of sophie Ronnie: wouldnt use her Ronnie: fuck that Joe: awh Joe: 👼 Ronnie: you trying to say shes hot enough to bait you Ronnie: step your pussy up mckenna Joe: no Joe: i'm saying if you wanted to i would Joe: i'd obviously do anything for and with you Ronnie: we aint taking her virginity Ronnie: youre hard enough fucking work Joe: shut up 😏 Ronnie: make me baby Joe: that's part 2 of the plan Ronnie: you gonna talk me through it or you gonna do it Joe: i know what you like Joe: and how you feel about talking Joe: even if it ain't no empty words bullshit Ronnie: youve still got your tongue Ronnie: means i must wanna hear some shit youve got to say Joe: that means i can tell you all how you won't regret giving sid my tongue as a toy when it can be yours Ronnie: you wont regret leaving those cunts there & coming back to me Ronnie: [pics from his bed like hey it's me] Joe: i already knew that Joe: but keep reminding me whilst i wait for the man Ronnie: you gotta know it harder Joe: you'll know how hard i know it Joe: i'll make you feel it too Ronnie: you can keep you fingers unbroken too like Ronnie: typing that shit while we both wait Joe: don't reckon much to a dealer's idea of foreplay Joe: and i've waited too long for you already Ronnie: youve gotta bring it to em baby Ronnie: junkie law states it aint a real addiction til youve sucked a dick for it Ronnie: romance him Ronnie: [pics again like these will inspire you] Joe: fuck Joe: how 'bout I stay up here on my high horse and enjoy just being addicted to you then Ronnie: how bout you come the fuck home Ronnie: now Joe: yeah Joe: i gotta Joe: i need to see you right now Joe: i got what i really wanted we can top up later Ronnie: ill go out then Ronnie: they plug me faster than theyll do it for you Joe: can't blame 'em Ronnie: yeah you still smell like 🍒 Joe: and they know they ain't getting nothing sucked Ronnie: you could do a toe Ronnie: dont be a pussy Joe: 😂 Joe: i think they'd rather my money Joe: not cute like you Ronnie: fuck you Ronnie: big cal is well into it Joe: tempting Ronnie: hell tell you how pretty you are Joe: just what i need Ronnie: yeah i know Joe: nah you know what i really am Joe: and that's what i want Ronnie: ive got eyes like Joe: me too Joe: even when they're half-shut or pinholed Ronnie: cute Joe: you Ronnie: dont Joe: why Ronnie: cause fucking dont Joe: alright Ronnie: fucks sake Joe: forget it Joe: i'm practically in the door Ronnie: make me

[busanbeau]

tardy, unexcused

i got sad shit goin on in my head rn so im serving a nice jimin angst

summary: you n jimin were the perfect match back in busan. before he left to pursue his career, he made a promise to come back and give you the best life he could. but the first thing to catch his eye when he did come back is the sparkle of the diamond on your finger.

you smiled reassuringly, forcing back the tears forming in your eyes. you looked down at your hands squeezing jimins tightly, and back at him.

“really, don’t worry about me. focus on your dreams. i’ll be here waiting, i promise.”

he had always loved your selflessness. it was one of the reasons he fell in love with you. so he held you to your words, and made a promise of his own.

“thank you, y/n. i promise i’ll come back. i’ll come back soon and give you the most comfortable and enjoyable life.”

you thought you knew what he meant by that. you thought it just simply meant he would move back to busan with you and spend time with you like the old times. but jimin had internally promised both you and himself that he would spend the rest of his life with you. that there would be nobody else but you.

you were stuck staring at him as he gathered his things, giving him a weak smile before he left, a smile that said “im literally about to combust and drown in my own tears but you have to do this dont focus on me!!” it didn’t really work but either way, as soon as the front door shut, you burst into tears and wished for your jimin back.

“and the daesang goes to...”

fists clenching onto nothing but hope.

“and the winner is...”

eyes clamped shut as 7 heads subconsciously filled with prayers.

“not you! it will never be you!” is what each other groups name sounded like every time. each word from their seniors, each hate tag from the fans, another knife of hopelessness, doubt and anxiety was jabbed into each 7 of their bodies.

but with all the blood, sweat and tears that was put into one album, so much that it was even the name of the title track, finally they could rid of the knives.

they made it. jimin made it.

tears of jimins joy, unbeknownst to you, contrasted with your tears of regret, disguised as joy.

it’s been years. you��ve put off your parents pleas to get married for years. but each day since you’ve lost contact with jimin you’re beginning to lose hope.

you need to move on. you were young. it was just young, foolish love. he’s not coming back.

that’s what you convinced yourself. so in effect of those words in your head, you’re standing here, facing a man you’ve never loved under your veil.

you’ve started crying uncontrollably as soon as the words “i do” left your mouth. at that moment you regretted everything. your mind was instantly filled of jimins face. you realized you wanted jimin, you wanted to wait for him. nothing else mattered but jimin.

but it was too late. you were late, and it was inexcusable.

a tingling pain ran through your body as a wedding ring was slipped on your finger. and a week later you’re still living with the piece if jewelery resembling your stupidity.

“y/n.”

jimins soft voice ran through your body. you recognized him immediately and suddenly you forgot about your marriage. you were overjoyed to see the love of your life. you turned around at the speed of light and jumped up to koala hug jimin without even having to confirm it was him.

jimin was more than happy when he saw you as well. but that quickly faded with the glint of silver on your finger was caught in her peripheral vision. his heart broke and you could hear it in his voice when he called your name. you just didnt pay attention.

when he didnt hug you back, you looked at his now empty features in concern.

“jimin?”

“nice ring.” was all he could get out.

then you remembered. the ring that showed off your biggest mistake, the dumbest thing you’ve ever done. it all came crashing back and you broke down into jimins chest.

you hiccuped unintelligible apologies.

“i wanted to wait for you i really did— i didnt- it was arranged! i dont love him i love you! we can— we can run away! do whatever we want, i just want to be with you. i missed you so much.” you rambled breathlessly.

jimin gained a pinch a relief from your confession, but he was still broken. wordlessly, he backed away and left, leaving the small box in his pocket unopened.

he wondered, when did it happen? what if i had came earlier? if i wasnt so focused on being an idol, would this still have happened? as he walked away he realized he was losing everything he was here for.

because he was too late. he was late, and it was inexcusable.

[domitxnate]

Here We Go Again | Sam and Nate | 07.21

Who: Nate and Sam @sammythedominant

When: Sunday, July 21st - morning

What: Break up, Break up sex, Nate bottoms. 

Triggers: none known.

Sam couldn't ignore the gnawing feeling in his stomach anymore. Ever since Blaine had pointed out that trying to make it in New York was a much longer commitment than Sam had realised, he'd been nervous about what that would mean for him and Nate. Nate had made it clear that he didn't plan to settle in NYC permanently, and so Sam knew that meant they had to talk. He'd put together a quick breakfast, a couple of bagels for both of them, before heading over to Nate's suite and knocking on the door.

Nate looked at the door as he heard the knock, then at his watch as he wasn't sure he was expecting anyone this early. He made his way to the door in the athletic shorts he'd thrown on and opened it to see Sam standing there with sustenence. "Hey there babe. Did...did we have a date I forgot about?"

Sam smiled as Nate opened the door. His boyfriend was ridiculously handsome, Sam had always known that. But seeing him there in his athletic shorts just really helped highlight that. "No, don't think so," he said, shaking his head. "But what kind of boyfriend would I be if I didn't bring my guy some breakfast every now and then, right?"

"Awwww," he hummed with a smile, leaning in for a quick kiss before letting him in. "Silas is walking Linus and Ryan went to the auditorium to start running through her songs for the showcase. So seems like we have a nice quiet breakfast," he said, settling himself at the stool at the counter in the kitchen.

Sam grinned as Nate kissed him, and followed him inside. He nodded, grateful that he didn't have to have a serious conversation like this with Silas and Ryan in their room, hiding away. "Sounds great," he smiled, as he sat himself down at the stool, and opened up the small bag holding the food. "It's nothing fancy, because I suck at fancy, and Blaine wasn't awake yet," he grinned. "So enjoy your very basic bagel."

Nate took one of the bagels from the bag as Sam took them out, opening a container of cream cheese to start spreading. "C'mon baby, y'all know that I don't do that fancy stuff anyway. Really anythin' to feed me is gonna go well," he promised with a smirk.

"Babe, you have no idea how many bagels I wasted trying to cut these things in half before I found the bagel slicer. Fancy right now just means not chopped to pieces," Sam grinned, as he playfully nudged his leg against Nate's as he started spreading cream cheese on his bagel too.

“A bagel slicer is a thing?” He asked with a hunk of cheesed bagel popped into his mouth before chuckling. “Well I appreciate it regardless. This was a nice surprise, thank ya.”

"An awesome thing," Sam nodded, chuckling. He smiled across at Nate, before eating a bite of his own bagel. "Any time, babe," he promised, before reaching out and placing a hand on Nate's knee. "There might be something I think we should talk about, you know? That whole future thing we were talking about a couple days ago? Might be a good idea to just...check in, about it."

Nate looked up at Sam with a tilted head, “Alright. Well if I remember ya had to talk to Blaine,” he said, “so did ya get anythin from him?”

Sam nodded a little, as he tore a chunk from his bagel, mostly so he could have something to do with his hands. "Yeah, I did. He needs to be in New York for a lot longer than I thought," Sam said, not looking at Nate until he finished his sentence. "Like, it's possible we'd settle there, or in the suburbs outside the city, but yeah. That basic...whole place," Sam explained.

Nate’s eyes squinted slightly as he took in what Sam was saying. “Like how long is longer than ya thought?” He asked, noticing suddenly that Sam was avoiding his gaze. “Oh,” he said simply, thinking everything through. “So, y’all ain’t gonna leave New York? Like, that’s where y’all wanna end up?”

The gnawing feeling in his stomach was starting to really make itself known, so Sam put his chunk of bagel down. "Yeah, oh," he said. "Blaine needs to be there, and my whole wanting to be a therapist thing can be done anywhere, so it's not fair to him not to give him that, you know?" Sam said. "If I didn't let him do this, it'd be this huge regret he'd have for the rest of his life, and I can't be that selfish. Not for any...reason.

Nate just nodded as Sam continued, taking it all in. “Nah, Nah I get it,” he promised finally making eye contact with the boy. “We always said that Blaine, Si and Ryan came first. And if that’s his dream, then that’s his dream. And I get that ya wanna give that to him,” he said taking a deep breath. “But I can’t....I can’t live in New York forever Sam. It’s just not who I am. I just can’t.”

Sam nodded firmly, as they made eye contact. He reached out to take Nate's hand in his own. "We did, they've gotta come first," Sam agreed. He closed his eyes for a few moments as Nate told him he couldn't live in New York forever. He'd known that, of course, but now they were actually talking about and it felt like much more real. "I know you can't, babe, I know. That's not you," Sam said, in a softer voice. "I'm not even sure how you've survived this far north all this time, already," he added, desperately trying to add a joke.

Nate squeezed Sam’s hand as he felt it in his own. He felt terrible not being able to make this compromise for Sam, but he just couldn’t. He was sacrificing enough to go there for Ryan. “Shut up,” he said with a playful shove. “But knowin this,” He said softly as well, “we have an expiration date, dont we?”

Sam smiled slightly as Nate playfully shoved him, and held onto the other man's hand a little tightly. He took a deep, slightly shaky breath, and finally, he nodded. "Think we do," he said quietly, before impulsively leaning in and kissing Nate's lips. "Doesn't mean I don't love you, though. Definitely doesn't mean I'm ever gonna forget you singing for me on that beach."

His face saddened which was interrupted by Sam’s kiss. “Nah I know that. It doesn’t mean that I don’t love ya right back. But our futures don’t match up, Sam. There’s no way to make it work, so it kinda feels like maybe we shouldn’t continue this knowin it can’t go anywhere ya know?”

Sam nodded gently, still holding onto Nate's hand. "Yeah, I don't think they do," he murmured, his gaze lowering to their hands for a few moments. He took a deep, sharp breath, before looking back up at Nate. "This...can't be like last time. No anger, no...you getting all the blame from strangers," Sam spoke quietly, before raising his hand to wipe at his eyes.

Nate but his bottom lip to avoid its shaking being seen. It was happening again but this time, something felt different. “Nah. Nah it’s different this time. This isn’t a difference of opinion or a misunderstandin. This is two futures not goin the same way. I mean, I’m not angry bout this. Sad, sure, but I’m not angry. Are ya?”

Sam shook his head, before sighing. "There's nothing to be angry at, you know? Nobody cheated. We've got good lives in front of us and they just don't...match," Sam murmured, his hold on Nate's hand tightening. "I think that's like...the best reason to break up, ever. We're winners at breaking up."

Nate chuckled and sniffed as he tried to keep the tears from falling. “Exactly. No one’s mad. No one feels slighted or misused. It just...sometimes this stuff happens. I don’t...I don’t feel I need time away or whatever this time. It doesn’t affect our friendship ya know?” He reaches up to wipe a tear from Sam’s face. “Don’t cry baby. It’s alright. This isn’t about me not bein in love with ya anymore.”

"You promise that? This isn't gonna affect our friendship?" Sam asked, as Nate wiped the tear from his face.  He leaned in a little closer, taking a deep breath. "I know, and I'm still in love with you. Probably always will be," he smiled a little. "We're gonna rock the best friend thing, I can promise you that at least."

Nate nodded with a sniff, “I promise.” He knew better than to bring up things that they’d decided to bury, and knew they both just needed to know they both still wanted to be friends. “Yeah,” he hummed quietly, leaning in to give him another kiss, more tender and passionate this time. “I love ya, Sam Evans.”

Sam let out a soft sigh of relief. He'd really just needed to hear Nate say that. He knew Nate was a man of his word, and if he said they were going to stay friends after this, than that was what was going to happen. He groaned softly into the tender, yet passionate kiss, his hand moving up to cup Nate's cheek. "I love you, Nate Lynn."

“Ya know,” he said softly against Sam’s lips, “I’ve never had break up sex before,” he hinted very obviously, kissing the blonde again, his hand running through the back of his hair. “Never been in a position for an amicable break up.”

Sam let out a chuckle as the kiss broke, his hand moving to the back of Nate's neck. "Yeah? Never, huh? Me either," he smiled at the other man. He paused for a moment, tilting his head back just a little. "Talking of things you haven't done," he teased, "you've never bottomed for me. You're missing out, you know," Sam grinned.

“I’ve only been through two break ups and they both sucked,” he said simply, “never ended with a friendship rekindlin’.” Nate licked his lips at Sam’s offer, knowing just how true it all was. He said nothing but gave him a smile and took Sam’s hand in his, leading him towards the bedroom.(edited)

"That's...an awesome way to think about this. Friendship rekindling," Sam smiled softly. He stood automatically as Nate took his hand, and began to lead him away. He chuckled as he put two and two together, and got what he hoped was four.

As they entered the bedroom, Nate turned to look at Sam with a smile, moving closer to reengage in their passionate kissing, breathes hitching, hands roaming, Nate pulling at the bottom of Sam’s shirt to be able to pull it up over his head and continue kissing him again.

Sam mirrored the smile on Nate's face, and then kissed him back just as passionately. His hands moved over Nate's torso, feeling that gorgeous swimmer's build under his fingertips, before he stepped back so Nate could pull his shirt off for him.

Once they were both shirtless, Nate pulled Sam against him, falling back onto the bed. His hands ran over Sam’s back and into his blonde hair, pushing his body up against the others. “Fuck baby,” he moaned against Sam’s lips, “I need ya.”

Sam groaned eagerly as Nate's fingers were all over his back and in his hair, while he ran his own hands over Nate's chest. "Fuck," he hissed, Nate's own moaning turning him on so much. "Tell me what you need, babe, let me hear you say it."

Feeling a strong man over top of him wasn't something Nate had a lot of experience with, but finding himself enjoying the feeling of Sam's strong body against him. He gasped softly, meeting Sam's eyes, "I need ya, baby, I need to feel ya make love to me," he breathed, lifting up to kiss the boy again.

"You've got me, babe, you've got me," Sam murmured, before Nate was kissing him again. He reached down, shoving his own pants down as he focused on kissing Nate back, passionately. It was a little awkward, but it wasn't long before he was kicking his pants off, and onto the floor.

Nate moaned against the kiss, feeling Sam's body on top of him as Nate's fingers ran along his defined back. Nate wiggled out of his shorts with Sam's lips tasting his own in a needy, passionate manner when he heard Sam's jeans fall to the floor. Nate spread his legs around him, pulling down at the back of Sam's neck, kissing harder, faster - needier.

"You look gorgeous like this," Sam gasped, as he watched Nate spread his legs, and then kissed Nate back with as much need and sheer desperation as he could muster. His hand moved to run over Nate's side, stroking over him. "Sure about this?" he asked.

Nate licked his lips as he nodded up at Sam, "Yeah, babe, I'm sure," he promised.

Sam didn't hesitate to reach out and grab lube from the table, and squirt it onto his fingers. He grinned down at Nate, before looking downwards, and gently circling Nate's dusky hole, before gently pushing a finger into him.

It had been a while since he'd done this, and it wasn't something he did often enough so when Sam's finger first pushed into Nate, he hissed a moment and closed his eyes while he waited and the pleasure set in. A small moan pushed out as he started to feel Sam open him, Nates hands still roaming along his back.

Sam took his time, knowing Nate hadn't done this in so long. He didn't want to move too quickly, and give Nate a bad experience. His first time bottoming for Sam, possibly the last time they were going to be together at all, definitely the last time while they were officially together. He took his time, adding more fingers, and getting Nate stretched and open for him.

The pleasure began to wave over him and Nate rutted his hips into Sam’s finger. “Oh god,” he moaned, “fuck...please baby? I need to feel ya please.”

"Fuck, babe, you're so hot like this, all needy just from my fingers," Sam smiled down at Nate. "I've got you, don't worry," he murmured, as he squirted lube over his shaft, and stroked himself.

“Shut up,” he chuckled which quickly was interrupted by a throaty moan. Nate stole a peek and looked down, watching him stroke himself with the slick substance. Nate licked his lips and put his head back down, calming his body for what was to come.

"Never," Sam grinned, as he stroked himself some more, getting himself ready. He inched forward, before he gripped Nate's legs and settled them around his hips. He watched Nate as he grabbed his own dick, and teased Nate's entrance.

He was happy that this was going the way it was. Serious and sensual but still with their familiar snark and jokes to make it calm and relaxed. Nate hissed as he felt Sam start to tease his entrance. “Mr. Evans,” he huffed at Sam’s face with a smile, “we do not have this kind of time for ya to be rude. Cmon now, give it to me,” he chuckled.

"Damn," Sam smiled right back at Nate, "Mr Evans, huh? Giving me a new kink even now," he teased, but he took the hint. He used one hand to grip Nate's leg, and moved forward, firmly pushing himself into Nate for the first time.

“My god y’all are ridiculous,” he chuckled. Nate gasped as he felt Sam fill him, slowly and completely. “Jesus...fuck oh my god,” he moaned, his body arching against the connection.

Sam kept his eyes on Nate as he slowly eased forward, not wanting to give Nate more than he could handle straight away. "Tell me how you're feeling, babe, love it when you talk to me," he smiled.

He wasn’t even sure he could talk. He always forgot just how good this felt and with it being Sam there was an extra factor to it. “Fuck...feels so good babe,” he moaned as Sam started his rhythm in and out of the swimmer. Nate’s fingers raked down Sam’s back and went right back into his hair. “Ya feel so good in me,” he said rocking his hips and ass against Sam, “fuck...fuck I love ya Sam.”

Sam grinned down at Nate, loving the feeling of Nate's fingers on him, as he eased in and out of the other man. "Now you know how much I've been loving this all this time," he smiled, glancing down to see himself easing back into Nate. "God, Nate...I love you, I love you so much," he gasped out.

“But I love doin this to ya too much,” he chuckled into another moan, as he felt Sam slide into him again. He pulled at the back of Sam’s neck, bending the boy down to kiss him hard, breathing heavily against their connected lips.

Sam laughed as Nate pulled him down to kiss so hard, almost slipping and falling on top of him. His hand from Nate's leg to cup his cheek, kissing him back just as passionately and meaningfully. He panted a little as the kiss broke. "Let's...not pretend you're not gonna be a huge bottom after this" he teased, as he pushed harder into Nate, setting up a faster pace.

The kiss deepened, their connection becoming more solid as the motions and actions continued. “I’m not shut up,” he chuckled back, but suddenly felt Sam go faster and the pleasure over took anything else he was thinking. “Oh my god...yeah. Yeah keep goin,” he encouraged, panting and moaning against the bed, underneath the blonde haired boy he loved.

"F...fuck, fuck yeah," Sam groaned out loudly, as he kept moving faster. "Touch yourself, babe, wanna see you fall apart for me, wanna see the huge mess you make for me," he grinned, as he arched up and pushed into Nate at a higher angle.

Nate moves one hand to his dripping, throbbing cock, using the precum to lube his shaft as he stroked. “Fuck...more,” he moaned as Sam’s change in position brought higher and harder sensations to his body. His strokes became needier and faster, groaning and gasping as they continued. “Fuck baby...more. More I’m so close.”

Sam groaned desperately, as he watched Nate as he fucked him. "You're getting more," he promised, as he hooked his arms under Nate's legs, and hoisted them up onto his shoulders. Sam began to drive into Nate harder and faster than before, his own orgasm not far away now.

“Oh shit!” He cried out as Sam changed the position again, fucking into him harder and more deliberately. The feeling was so amazing he almost didn’t want it to end. He stroked himself harder, moaning as he came, his seed falling over his chest and his hand, “fuck yes! Oh god!” He cried out, rising out his orgasm as Sam continued to thrust inside him.

"Fuck!" Sam cried as he watched Nate spill all over his chest and hand. He followed Nate right over the edge, cumming hard inside the other man. "Nate!" he yelled out, as his cock pulsed and shot desperately hard.(edited)

Nate was panting heavily by the time Sam was cumming, grabbing the back of Sam’s neck to pull him close again. “God...oh my god Sam, yes!” He cried out again, filling the man pulse and shoot inside him, humming and panting as they both reached their climax.

Sam groaned as he came, panting against Nate's lips. "Fuck, I love you," he moaned, before kissing Nate needily.

“I love ya,” he moaned back, kissing Sam just has hard so that there was no question how he felt. They were going to cover themselves in a complete mess, but Nate didn’t care. He needed it clear how much Sam meant to him and how much this moment meant. “I love ya baby,” he said again.

Sam couldn't care less about the mess right now, all he wanted to make sure that Nate walked away from this without a single doubt about Sam's love for him. "I love you so much," he murmured, as he rested his forehead against Nate's.

Nate’s arm’s came around Sam, holding tight to him. This should have felt more like a goodbye, but it didn’t. It was a restart to their friendship and that made the swimmer incredibly happy. He snuck another kiss with their foreheads pressed together. “This doesn’t mean I ain’t gonna be a little jealous when y’all start datin’ again,” he chuckled against the boy’s lips.

Sam laughed softly at Nate's words, and finally, almost regretfully, he began to pull back from Nate's forehead, and ease himself out of the swimmer. "Right back at you," he smiled. "And hey, I'm still up for me and you keeping that boy of yours in check together," he chuckled lightly.

“I think we’ll have to do that,” he agreed, “he’s not gonna be happy with this. And I know exactly where his brain is gonna go. Ima have to promise he’s still got ya.”

Sam nodded, a little more seriously. "He's always got me, I promise. He's gonna be a part of my life for as long as he wants it," Sam said, as he sat up. He reached out, and patted Nate's leg. "So are you, okay? I mean it, with this whole friend thing. Still wanna see you compete in the Olympics."

Nate sat up along with Sam as he nodded, “Yeah. Yeah I’m alright. I mean, it’s sad. It is, I ain’t gonna pretend it’s not. While I may not need to jump right back into bed with ya right away - again - I don’t think I need space this time. I mean, this is just for the best. It’s what’s best for them and that matters more.” It truly did feel different, in a good way. No one was shouting, and this wasn’t something that was based on pain or anger. It just...was. “Well I hope to see ya there,” he smiled.”

Sam nodded as Nate spoke. "It's sad. I'm sad. Good, I'm glad, and I don't think I need space either. We're...being really mature," he grinned a little, even his eyes threatened to water up again. "I'll be there," he promised. "One last kiss, babe?"

“We are,” Nate agreed with a smile, albeit a little sadder than normal. Nate nodded, placing his hand at the side of Sam’s face, bringing him closer to press a kiss to his lips.

Sam put his hand over Nate's heart, as he kissed his boyfriend, his ex, back. It was slow, and sweet, and everything Sam wanted in that moment. A couple of tears began to fall before Sam pulled away, and quickly collected his clothes. It took him seconds to hurriedly throw them on. "I'll be seeing you," he whispered.

Nate hates how fast Sam pulled away, but he needed it as much as Sam did. If one of them didn’t move away they’d be stuck there trying to hold off the goodbye. “I’ll always be here,” he promised, sniffeling quickly and rubbing a tear from under his eye.

Sam wished he could spend the whole day in bed with Nate, but he knew the longer he stayed, the more he'd try to rationalise not breaking up. He'd come up with ways this could work, but in a situation like this, any compromise would mean someone in their little group would be looking at a future they didn't sign up for. That just wasn't fair. "I know you will," Sam smiled. "Just like I'll always be there for you," he said quietly, before he forced himself to turn and leave the room, and then the suite, as tears began to fall.

[higgins5]

Tag game

Oof, this is so so late, but I am doing it! And thank you to the lovely @foxsoulcourt for tagging me!

LAST

drink: Water, we are being healthy children here 

phone call: My District Manager at work to discuss my transfer

text message: One of my best friends about his terrible life choices (jk but really binge watching a show for 14 hours straight? Boy get to sleep!)

song you listened to: I’m Over You by Bryan James (it may or may not have been on loop for a while)

time you cried: Last Thursday 

EVER

dated someone twice: Haha, yep. Didn’t work out, but we’re still friends

kissed someone and regretted it: Not yet!

been cheated on: Unfortunately

lost someone special: I think we all have, but such is life

gotten drunk and thrown up: Oh god no

fave colors? Sea green, storm gray, oh I can’t believe i almost forgot! Really any deep blue or purple, like how the night sky gets just before it’s almost black

IN THE LAST YEAR HAVE I?

made new friends: Multiple, and i am so greatly for all of the lovely people who have graced my life

fallen out of love: Not so much people. But things I believed I loved turned a little false, yes

laughed until you cried: Gosh, all the time. It’s awful, I call it my seal laugh because I’m laughing so hard I can’t breathe and i’m just doubled over hitting a table or my leg to express my joy because that’s all I can do

found out someone was talking about you: Just two weeks ago! And honestly I hate that. Like if you’re gonna talk bad about me just do it to my face. I’ll find out one way or another, might as well be from you

met someone who changed you: Some good people, some not so good people. But I believe it was all for a reason

found out who your friends are: Yes

kissed someone on your Facebook friends list: Hmm... Well, I do not actually have a Facebook so I guess that would be a no

GENERAL

how many of your Facebook friends do you know in real life: I guess I can clarify about FB here. My parents were always freaked out about the internet so never let me get one, and being a good child I never did- plus I was just not interested, so I just... never got around to it in adulthood. AND like whenever I needed to talk to a friend through FB I just used my parents page cause that was their solution, so there was no real need. But like, from the friends I had on my mom’s page yes, I know all of them irl

do you have any pets: SEVERAL AND I LOVE ALL OF MY FURRY CHILDREN! I have an 11yo poodle/terrier mix (mom was a poodle, dad was the terrier next door. Truly a scandal) named Bear and i love my grumpy old man to death; a 2yo boxer/husky mix we rescued that was originally supposed to be a lab which was a total lie named Nutmeg, but it’s okay I love my babe even if i can take her on a 3mi run and she’s still ready to run 3 more; an 8yo wonderfully affectionate and beautiful tabby cat named Willow; a 6 year old (oh my god, she’s 6, it feels like yesterday she was a satellite dish in a collar that meowed) purring machine tabby cat named Sage; and two beautiful girls. Lagertha and Gwenievere are two very playful and loving one year old dumbo eared rats

do you want to change your name: Eh, not really. I’ve had it for this long, might as well keep it

what did you do for your last birthday: Oh that was so fun. I went to the Melting pot (this fancy fondue place, so good) With a couple of friends and had a really great time, even though someone got me crayons as a gag gift (I.... hate, crayons with a PASSION, but she’s known me for like 10 years so of course I accepted.... hesitantly)

what time did you wake up today: Like 7:30? but i didn’t actually leave my bed until 9ish because don’t be fooled, I am not a morning person. I just run because I’m an idiot

what were you doing last night at midnight: Sleeping

what is something you can’t wait for: Figure out where life is taking me and then be a bomb ass bitch at it

what are you listening to right now: X&Y by Coldplay

have you ever talked to a person named Tom: I have, and he is a lovely person. Go talk to a Tom everybody, nice people

something that gets on your nerves: Horrible people. Like just those people that are horrible for no absolute reason. Like grow up, get a life, why do you have to make other people just because you’re unhappy. there are many people you could see for help and I have a number you can call if you need a recommendation 

most visited website: Probably a tie between Tumblr, Youtube, and Spotify

hair color: Well, naturally I am blonde but rn it’s a reddish auburn color (but hey, people ask me all the time if it’s my natural color so who knows maybe i was destined for this shade)

long or short hair: ish? It’s growing from a pixie (that I might go back to soon) so its like... not quite shoulder length yet but give it another month and we might be there

what do you like about yourself: You know what, i’m gonna give myself some love and say everything. Lol, but as a serious answer probably my personality/nature. I have a very big heart but am also incredibly sarcastic so it is a delicate balance 

want any piercings: SO many. I’m saving up to get my nose done soon (nostril) and later I’ll get my daith, helix, third piercing in my lobe, tragus, and maybe rook

blood type: Some kinda O? Honestly for someone who donates blood as much as I do, I should really know (but important blood donation note, if you wish to make sure not to do it too frequently! Healthy people = healthy blood = healthy donation receivers!)

nicknames: Gosh, too many to type. Apparently I’m just nick namey. But uhhh, the most common: Ash, Ashbash, Higgins, Higgy, Higgs, Figgins, Chief 

relationship status: Single

zodiac sign: I’m one of the twin fish babes, Pisces all the way

pronouns: She/Her

fave tv show: Don’t watch as much tv as I used to but Supernatural is always a good go to (recently I’ve been watching a lot of HGTv and doctor Phil and Hallmark with my mom though, if that’s anything)

tattoos: None (yet)

right or left handed: right handed, I’m basically useless with my left (unless an instrument is involved)

ever had surgery: Nope, and hopefully we keep that trend goin!

piercings: two ear piercings 

sports: Uh... in High School I was pretty active and track and I was a competitive shooter (air rifles- but I’m from Texas so). Nothing in college at the moment, I might try out for the track team just cause i miss bein a part of stuff

vacation: I am broke, I can only dream (but I do really wanna travel, so gotta save up!)

trainers: my totally stylish suede brown vans are my go to, but Adidas for running

eating: Currently? Nothing, but I did have some steamed broccoli and carrots&rice, and grilled chicken for dinner

drinking: Orange Juice

I’m about to watch: Absolutely nothing

waiting for: Didn’t I already answer this? it’s so much pressure. Uh... change?

want: To be successful in whatever I 

get married: Eventually

career: Haven’t gotten there yet, but everyday is one step closer

hugs or kisses: Depends on who and when

lips or eyes: Eyes. First thing I notice

shorter or taller: At 5′3 I don’t think I can even pretend to say i’m tall

older or younger: I probably fall more on the younger spectrum

nice arms or stomach: Yes

hookup or relationships: I am a committed relationship kinda person all the way. Never really understood the whole hookup thing but to each their own

troublemaker or hesitant: A hesitant troublemaker is probably more me. I say I try to stay out of trouble, but it just kinda finds me

HAVE I EVER?

kissed a stranger: No

drunk hard liquor: Yes

lost glasses: Ugh, all the time, worst is when I lose my contacts AND glasses

turned someone down: Yes

sex on the first date: Not my style

broken someone’s heart: Yes

had your heart broken: In love and life

been arrested: Nope, and i’d like to keep it that way!

cried when someone died: Yes

fallen for a friend: Yes

DO I BELIEVE IN?

yourself: Well someone has to, so might as well be me!

miracles: I do. And if they aren’t true, at least the belief of their existence helps make their outcome possible

love at first sight: In some fairytale world maybe, but for me, nah

kiss on the first date: Possibly

angels: Yes. Of what way and form I think that’s for you to decide

OTHER

best friend’s name: I have a couple because there is too much life to only need one person in it! Lexi+Brittany+Mauricio+Imaya from all the way back to middle school and Ronan (a recent addition)

And even if we don’t talk every day of our lives I know they’ll always be there for me when I need them. Good or bad. And they know I would do the same. That’s all that really matters in the end. They’re my little chosen family

(oh that got a bit sappy, okay moving on)

eye color: Light blue? Blue? I dunno, people say it’s pretty so I go with it

fave movie: Don’t really have one...

favorite actor: Yeah... same with movies, don’t have one of those either

extrovert or introvert: I like to call myself an introverted extrovert

favorite flower: white peonies 

favorite hello kitty character? I wasn’t aware there were characters aside from hello kitty....

oof this is a long post, but very fun to do! Hopefully y’all haven’t done this yet but if so well I’m gonna tag you anyways @i-h8-u-no-u-dont @pansexualpandion @rvmengf @egglorru @it-has-the-gay-fanfiction and really @ anyone who wants to do this! I’d love to see your versions!!

[zayadriancas]

What do you think are best and worst written episodes from each season of degrassi & why?

I don’t have a reason (or at least not a good reason) for all of these, but:

Season 1:

Best: Jagged Little Pill, Coming of Age

Worst: Basketball Diaries. Idk it was a boring episode and I hate that Spinners ADHD was used as a plot device then never mentioned again.

Season 2:

Best: When Doves Cry, Shout, Karma Chameleon, How Soon Is Now, Dressed in Black, Tears Are Not Enough

Worst: Hot for Teacher. It’s not very memorable and idk it just felt like an uneccesary filler plot

Season 3:

Best: Father Figure, Never Gonna Give You Up, Don’t Dream It’s Over, Our House, Whisper To A Scream

Worst: This Charming Man. Again it wasn’t very memorable and it just made Sean look like more of an ass, like they began that plot in Gangsta Gangsta but they just made him look worse in this episode instead of expanding on what was really going on with him. Thankfully they redeem him later but idk this episode just felt weird. And the subplot was boring and not memorable

Season 4:

Best: Mercy Street, Time Stands Still. Back in Black, Voices Carry, Secret

Worst: Bark at The Moon and Goin Down The Road. BATM was an unnecessary filler episode with two unnecessary relationships starting and GDTR just felt unrealistic and stupid and contrived idk it was weird especially the Kevin Smith stuff

Season 5:

Best: Turned Out, Redemption Song, & Our Lips Are Sealed

Worst: I Still Haven’t Found What I’m Looking For & Together Forever. TF because the Liberty having her baby plot was so rushed and barely shown & this was the only time the pregnancy was actually from her POV.

Season 6:

Best: Eyes Without A Face and Free Fallin

Worst: Honestly pretty much every other episode lmao but If You Leave, Sunglasses At Night, True Colours, Here Comes Your Man, Don’t You Want Me, & Crazy Little Thing Called Love. HCYM because they screwed over Sean’s character for no real reason, tried to make Peter look good when he wasn’t, and the plot itself was just plain stupid. And neither of the subplots were likable. If You Leave just made Emma look like a bitch and was unnecessary drama and it made Dylan look like a bad guy again for no real reason (I never liked Dylan but they just made it worse in this episode and tried to make it seem like Marco was being irrational). CLTCL further damaged Sean’s character and the subplot was just filler cuz it never was mentioned again even though it actually did have potential. DYWM was actually a good episode for Alex even though it was heartbreaking but it still could have been written better and honestly my main reason for putting this episode under worst is because of the subplot. Emma’s “pregnancy scare” and Sean suddenly leaving again was so rushed and horribly written. I don’t really have a good reason for the other two episodes.

Season 7:

Best: Standing In The Dark, Live To Tell, Death or Glory, Hungry Eyes

Worst: Got My Mind Set On You, Owner Of A Lonely Heart, Dont Stop Believin’, Love is A Battlefield, Broken Wings, We Built This City, & Talking In Your Sleep. GMMSOY was one of the most boring episodes of Degrassi that I’ve ever seen. I never liked Derek but they just made him and Danny fight over a girl that was never mentioned again and Danny actually faced racism which is serious but that’s never mentioned again either. I know filler episodes exist but this one was one of the worst I’ve ever seen. The subplot made it worse. Emma/Damian was such a rushed and unnecessary relationship. Owner of A Lonely Heart was barely memorable either. I feel like all of Marcos plots in the later seasons were badly written/unmemorable. And I love Janny but their relationship was really rushed too. Don’t Stop Believin was just weird. I understand what the writers were trying to do but there was no reason for Ellie and Marco to make out/almost hook up to realize they were too dependent on each other. It was just really awkward. I don’t hate the episode but it just wasn’t written very well. Love is A Battlefield just made Paige look like a diva and was a bad write off for Alex’s character who went through so much development. Alex did nothing wrong but they tried to make her look like she was inferior to Paige and that’s not the first time they did that either. That’s the main issue I had with their relationship. And the subplot was an unnecessary filler. There was no reason for her and Damian to start another relationship only to end it in the same episode and then have Manny accused of being racist. It was so stupid. I don’t really have a reason for Broken Wings, it was just boring and not memorable. We Built This City just made Liberty look bad for no reason and made me wonder again what anyone saw in Damian and why his character existed. This class deserved a better graduation episode. & Peters subplot was random and boring and unnecessary, I mean they probably had no idea Shenae would be leaving when they wrote this plot but they have Darcy begging him to stay only for her to leave like 3 Episodes later. Peter could have just left and then we wouldn’t have had to sit through Pia or any of Peters other boring plots. Talking in Your Sleep was bad writing partly because Paige/Griffin being interested in each other was rushed but mainly because the whole HIV thing was never brought up again. I know there wasn’t a high chance of Paige getting it but still it just felt like they didn’t care enough to explore this plot further and Griffin wasn’t even a relevant character so they probably wouldn’t have done this plot to its full potential anyway, which sucks.

Season 8: (ugh why does mobile app keep spacing things so far apart?)

Best: Causing A Commotion, Jane Says, Heat Of The Moment, Lost In Love, Heart Of Glass, Fight The Power, Didn’t We Almost Have It All, Up Where We Belong (most of these are for the main plots, the subplots in Heart Of Glass, Fight The Power and Jane Says sucked)

Worst: Uptown Girl & Degrassi Goes Hollywood. I know DGH wasn’t meant to be realistic but it still could have been written a lot better. They had Paige turn into a total diva even though acting isn’t even what she wanted to do in the first place and it just tainted her character for no reason. What makes it worse is they had Paige specifically tell that Hayley girl or whatever her name was that she’d never treat people as bad as she treated Paige, but then Paige ends up treating people just as bad anyway. As for Manny’s plot, it was great to see her dream come true at the end but the whole teacher/student relationship cane out of nowhere. I know Manny didn’t play a big role in Season 8 but we still did see her throughout the season so even though that relationship should have never happened in the first place, they should have built up to it at least. Ellie’s plot was the only one written decently but that wasn’t enough to me up for half of the movie being awful. Uptown Girl was equally unrealistic but this wasn’t some special movie so it really had no excuse for being that way. Mia becoming a model was a terrible uneccesary storyline and the fact that she slept with the Tom guy but still got to keep the job didn’t add up. I know it wasn’t publicly revealed until later and I know Danny and Leia didn’t say anything but still. It just was stupid.

Season 9:

Best: Shoot To Thrill, Why Can’t This Be Love, Waiting For A Girl Like You, Somebody, & You Be Illin

Worst: Just Can’t Get Enough, Close To Me, Holiday Road, & Degrassi Takes Manhattan. JCGE handled Peters meth use terribly. It was so rushed through and felt pointless. Close To Me tainted Janes character for no real reason by having her cheat on Spinner. Holiday Road just made Emma into controlling girlfriend when they could have instead just focused on the fact she was hiding that she flunked out of college and how hard it was on her. Degrassi Takes Manhattan was just…a mess. Between the rushed, random, unnecessary and pointless Spemma marriage to Janes boring plot, it was just awful. Nothing about Spemma made sense, the writing was awful, it was the most rushed relationship I’ve ever seen. This movie was a train wreck.

Season 10:

Best: Purple Pills, What A Girl Wants, Breakaway, Hide and Seek, Chasing Pavements, Halo, Drop The World

Worst: Love Lockdown. I liked the two subplots but the Holly J/Declan plot was awfully written. I can understand Holly J. not wanting to start anything by admitting that she thinks she was raped and instead just wanting to say she regrets what happened, but the fact that Declan pressured her and didn’t listen when she said no does qualify as rape but they let Declan get away with it which is disgusting. Sure, Declan may have not realized what he was doing but that doesn’t make it okay.

Season 11:

Best: Boom Boom Pow, Idioteque, Take a Bow, Paper Planes, Can’t Tell Me Nothing, Hollaback Girl, Smash Into You

Worst: Love Game. I just hate how they wrote Clare in this episode.

Season 12:

Best: Zombie, Waterfalls, Rusty Cage, Never Ever

Worst: Come As You Are & Walking on Broken Glass. The whole situation with Katie and Drew was written so terribly. They worked so hard to make Katie look like the victim. Yes it was wrong of Drew to cheat on Katie, & he should have been honest and upfront from the beginning about wanting to break up, but what Katie did was way worse. Yet they don’t show everything that happened so we’re made to believe that Drew just “had sex while drunk and forgot because he blacked out” and we’re supposed to think he’s so terrible for dumping Katie after they “had sex” though he made it clear he didn’t wanna be with Katie anymore, he wanted his first time to be sober and with Bianca, there was no way he consented to having sex with Katie, he was too drunk and honestly that whole video of Drew cheering about having sex was so contrived. At the end of the first part of the episode he just says “I did it” which could have meant that he thought he broke up with Katie. Then he falls down the stairs and hits his head, then regains conciousness and looks confused but keeps jumping around and dancing but it’s never implied that he thought that he had sex or that he did have sex. Yes we see him and Katie kiss but that doesn’t automatically mean sex and either way kissing does not equal consent. The next day Drew is completely confused as to why Katie thinks they’re back together, it doesn’t matter why he doesn’t remember, what matters is it’s clear he didn’t want it to happen. So they just created that part of the video to make Drew look like he “wanted it” even though 1) HE WAS TOO DRUNK TO CONSENT 2) It was clear he never wanted to have sex with Katie, he went upstairs to break up with her, even telling her he lied about Courtney to get him to break up with her cuz he wasn’t happy. Katie thought that just cuz Drew said “he might be dead if it weren’t for her” that somehow meant he didn’t want to break up, even though when she was saying all that BS about how he shouldn’t be able to make decisions about their relationship on his own, he just sat there with a dazed expression on his face. He never said he still wanted to be with her. 3) Drew would never talk like that if he were sober. It’s just like Zoe saying “do you think I’m sexy” when she was blackout drunk and assaulted. Drew didn’t even remember saying or doing any of that stuff just like Zoe didn’t and she obviously didn’t want it either. So yeah. Come as You Are & Walking on Broken Glass were both terribly written. The only good part of CAYA was Maya’s plot. The other reason WOBG was terrible aside from the Katie/Drew stuff was also terrible because Eli acted like such an entitled ass and even though Becky was ultimately wrong for being homophobic, Eli only changed the play to spite her even though he said otherwise, and before she was revealed to be homophobic he was totally condescending and rude to her. Eli didn’t deserve to be the director because he acted like he was the only one who was allowed to be in charge of plays. I’m not really saying this was badly written because it made sense for Eli’s character, it just annoyed me. Oh and, Tristan pretending to be Maya to talk to Cam and when Cam finds out, he says he will never be friends with either of them but that’s completely forgotten later. I think the whole plot of Tristan impersonating Maya was dumb but the plot itself wasn’t bad writing it just was a bad idea but the part about Cam saying they’ll never be friends was inconsistent writing.

Season 13:

Best: Unbelievable, How Bizzare, My Hero, Enjoy The Silence, The World I Know, Better Man, You Are Not Alone, Believe

Worst: About A Girl, Cannonball, Honey, Black and White, Who Do You Think You Are, Barely Breathing, Spiderwebs, Sparks Will Fly, & Thunderstruck. The main reason of course for Honey is Adam dying and the fact that it was so poorly written. But also because the Maya/Zoe/Miles drama was so cringeworthy. And they tried so hard to make Alli/Leo look like a good relationship for several episodes and I know abuse isn’t always immediate but in this episode and in episodes prior they try so hard to make it seem like Alli and Leo have an epic romance and by the time we see Leo become aggressive for the first time it feels underwhelming, like it’s obviously heartbreaking and they do better with the abuse storyline in later episodes but idk the writing was just really weak in this episode. With About A Girl, again I hated the petty Maya/Miles/Zoe/Tristan drama, & Adam impersonating Becky was stupid and felt honestly out of character. With this episode & with Cannonball, they had a great opportunity to explore Connor being asexual but it’s dropped after these episodes and just used as an excuse for relationship drama. Cannonball also sucked because of Adam crashing into a tree of course which was such a sloppy way to write him out of the show, he deserved better.  With Black and White, they all the sudden had Winston try to ruin Drew’s presidency and have something against him even though Drew never did anything to him. They tried to make us feel sympathy for Winston even though the way he treated Drew was out of line. Who Do You Think You Are & Barely Breathing were both awful because the plot of Dallas getting kicked off the hockey team and developing a drinking problem wasn’t even from his own point of view. The storyline had great potential but they fucked it up by not making it from his point of view. Then the Maya/Zoe drama was so ridiculous. Both of them were in the wrong for different reasons. What Maya did was awful and she definitely deserved punishment for it, but Zoe also deserved punishment and the way they tried to make her look innocent pissed me off so much. With Spiderwebs, the Drianca break up was so rushed and random and written so awfully. I can understand if Alicia couldn’t or didn’t wanna come back but it could have been written better and it was pretty clear that they only broke them up so Drew could be free to have ridiculous relationship drama plots, even though none of those relationships lasted long (or even happened in the first place like Clew) and all of those plots just dragged Drew’s character down. Drew and Drianca deserved better. Then there was the Eclare plot. Clare took Eli back so quickly even though he made little to no effort to earn her trust back. And then we have Alli supporting Clare taking Eli back even though Alli herself has been cheated on before and she used to strongly dislike Eli and had even more of a reason to now. I could also say that the cheating plot in BOW was written badly but honestly Eli doing shitty things doesn’t surprise me but in Spiderwebs the whole thing was badly written. Clare deserved better. With Sparks Will Fly, Clew finally is about to start an actual relationship after several episodes of build up only for Eli to show up, thus Clew doesn’t happen. What was the point of building up Clew if they were just going to keep bringing Eli back? Then there was the Zig/Maya/Miles triangle, that had both guys acting like assholes and they had the episode to make this episode about why Maya was so scared of rejecting Zig/hurting Miles but instead they made it about relationship drama, yeah they had Maya say “I can’t be with a guy who scares me, not again” and “last time someone I cared about disappeared they never came back” but we don’t see Miles even react or care about those statements which is one of the many reasons Matlingsworth sucks, he never truly cared about her feelings. Yes Zig was an ass in this episode too but he’s proven to care about Maya’s feelings on more than one occasion despite making a lot of mistakes. Miles only ever cared about himself. With Thunderstruck, I didn’t hate the episode but it was badly written. We’re supposed to believe Drew and Becky are romantically interested in each other even though in past episodes they were just shown to be friends. Yes, they spent a lot of time in the woods together in the last episode but nothing about it was romantic. Even though they were friends throughout most of the season, they were never super close yet somehow Drew suddenly knows all this stuff about her. I can buy him being attracted to her, but not actually having real feelings with her. Everything about Drecky was rushed and unnecessary. Then with the Maya/Zoe plot, Zoe and Zig suddenly are interested in each other, again yes they spent time together in the previous episode but nothing about it was romantic. Then, despite Maya supporting Zoe at her trial and them being on better terms, she hates her again all because Miles almost cheated on her with Zoe, even though Zoe was literally out of her mind drunk and was assaulted the same night. Yes Maya was mad at Miles too but Miles was really the only one who deserved blame in this situation. I can understand why Maya was upset, especially because Zig agreed to go to the dance with her after already saying he’d go with Maya, but the way she acted was immature whether she was drunk or not. Yes, Zoe was never a good friend to Maya but Maya still acted irrationally. And Zoe saying she was trying to be Maya’s friend all year was bad writing as well because that was total bullshit and not true. Then the Eclare plot, Clare conveniently hits her head, has to go to the hospital, misses her interview, all the hotels are booked so she has “no choice” but to stay with Eli. Hmm, how convenient. Then the random ass revelation of Clare being pregnant at the end. Which of course leads into more terribly written plots for season 14.

Season 14:

Best: (You Drive) Me Crazy, Wishlist. Get it Together, Give Me One Reason, & The Kids Aren’t Alright

Worst: Anything involving Degrassi Nudes and Clare’s pregnancy in the first half of season 14. Most of the episodes really only suck because of those plots, like they’d be fine otherwise without those plots. It was hard to pick a specific episode. I also didn’t like Finally, I hate how badly Drew was screwed over throughout this episode when he did nothing wrong, and I hate how Imogen and Jack briefly reuinite only for Imogen to once again feel like she has to do everything to please Jack whereas Jack puts in little to no effort, and then they break up again. There was no point in any of that, and once again Imogen loses her girlfriend on the prom/graduation episode :( I know it was Imogen’s choice both times but like with Fiona it was because she didn’t want to hold her back and also because the writers wanted to bring Imogen back for another year. Imogen deserved better honestly. I also felt like the Hunter plot was out of place even though I did like the plot, it didn’t really fit in this episode.

Season 15/NC season 1:

Best: YesMeansYes & ButThatsNoneOfMyBusiness

Worst: NotAllMen and ThisCouldBeUsButYouPlayin. With NotAllMen, I felt like the whole plot with Zoe thinking David was her dad was a bit random and also felt unrealistic, like it would have been great if Zoe had a real plot about finding her real dad but idk, it felt poorly written. and then they have Gracevas kiss and still Grace isn’t honest about her feelings. It would have been great if Grace actually returned her feelings, but seeing where the next episode goes, they didn’t need to tease us like that, it was fucked up. Then there was Frankie’s plot. It was clear Frankie was struggling and instead of going deeper into that, they have Jonah think he knows Frankie, being condescending and rude to her, and having Frankie’s friends guilt her into staying with them even when she wanted to try and go make a difference and volunteer. Jonah had no right to treat Frankie the way he did, it was uncalled for, but somehow this is the build up to their relationship which never needed to happen, at least not the way it did. Frankie could have been given a real depression storyline but instead it’s all about boy drama. I know they also do this in three other episodes of the season but this particular episode’s plot was the most poorly written. TCBUBYP was awful because of the contrived cheating plot that instead could have been Zig talking to Maya about his insecurities, or if he had to talk to Zoe she could have just been there for him as a friend, there was no need for them to hook up, and the fact that Zoe recorded it was even more disgusting. And then of course setting up Gracevas only for Grace to not return Zoe’s feelings and randomly say she likes Zig which made zero sense. Everything about this plot was contrived and awful. It just tainted Zaya, Zig, Grace, and Zoe for no real reason and they couldn’t even write it in a way that made sense.

Season 16/NC season 2:

Best: ThatAwkwardMomentWhen & BuyMePizza

Worst: TheseAreMyConfessions & ThrowbackThursday. & ToMyFutureSelf. TAMC because Grace liking Zig was obviously forced and it was extremely awkward, and the way Grace treated Maya was out of line but we’re supposed to feel sympathy for her and she never even apologizes (like maybe she did off screen but I doubt it because anytime someone screws Maya over they rarely face consequences or apologize, or if they do its not sincere). There’s no real explanation aside from Grace’s illness why she acting the way she’s acting, but her illness is no excuse to treat Maya like crap and it doesn’t explain why she lead Zoe on either (you’re my best friend I tried for you isn’t a good excuse), And her liking Zig was so random and made no sense and it was obviously forced. ThrowbackThursday was badly written in my opinion because the alumni’s lines mostly felt forced and awkward and they deserved more screen time. And while it was great that the writers wanted to bring attention to the BLM movement, Tiny getting suspended wasn’t because he was black, and then they don’t even have the storyline from his point of view. I know that they brought up that Frankie barely got in trouble for her racist banner, they should have done the plot about that with Shay leading the protest, or they could have had Tiny fight a white kid who went to their school and have Tiny receive more punishment than the white kid if they wanted the plot and protest to make sense. ToMyFuturseSelf just made Grace seem like a bad friend and her reasoning for being on Zig’s side for most of the episode even though she called him out the most after he cheated on Maya made no sense. And they just made Zig look even worse in this episode for no reason. The other plots were just boring and hardly memorable.

Season 17/NC season 3

Best: Honestly all of them

Season 18/NC season 4

Best: Obsessed, Fire, KThxBye

Worst: I thought the Zig/Esme/Frankie plot in FactsOnly was poorly written but the rest of the episode was great

[triumphorce]

under umbras of bundles  of stars,

canopies of leaves & branches that shatter-scatter sky image held indirect

as a gleam in eyes

as conscious lay in fabricated gardens watching memories, & desires in dream form

from across highway covered by

blue-white, 

yellow,

& orange lights

sound of tires, mufflers, sirens, 

amidst a higher sense 

attuned to

muffled far cries muffled while crossing empty lands

filled with chilling wind howls, stealing hope, 

which

kickstarts the power on survival mode..

ups& downs 

drown the cries further,

that

war, warn, or cheer..

or just sing..

maybe

a hymn made by souls for souls under same umbra to set free to lead to wonder & beauty beyond the surface of senses directly to free to seek love loss between me and me

buried beneath  road of longest journey to reach

turn feet all around

all about a world I have no idea about

just mad ideas about Kept in journals i turn over

to all but from in front of views not yet exploited by value of which is, views are power,  & are the will in word- to-page transaction

self diminished to substantiate

entries from entrails, not shown to be conquered

win or lose is how I never saw things.

win or win, only optionss, only progress..

yet..,always over complicating;

marathon sprints from start to finish

as I choose, If i choose, to continue to choose to overlook slopes in existence, where hides I, in ruins, digging for recognition

contribute to a mind overloading with what I know I owe society, &me,

burden of see-through beast, I see illusions of future thru,mistaken as truth, play victim, get stressed or believe I'm down on luck ,in dumps of depression and slum of beliefs,

 in a slump with headphones on temple and music up, reminisce about the golden olden, me and broseph, SSB, PSO, kanto, johto, cartoon cartoons, many one saturday morning’s, plenty cinnamon toast, fruity pebbles, so many card games at Books-a-million

but when I open eyes from trance

I'm forever face to face with today is today

not then not later...

just

 changes who changed how I changed regret and anger to compensate for blaming everybody but me

now I stare afraid at dilemmas mass effect decisions

 daily in-and-out-terventions

to keep from falling back into resentment.. spite blinding shelves of subconscious-self- disappointed perpetuating judgment of others binding progression, tying tongue, boiling blood because old habits die hard and I continue fucking up, up raging rapids w/o a paddle,   almost 3 decades of failing infinite (according to projections) feel I missed and am missing out on so much, so much world, so many words coiled inside, waiting to explode,

all the time, just like everybody.. everything mind sets sights on turns to target issue     how unfortunate for aforementioned coordinates, for anyone close enough for me to put in poems' , important enough to torment conscious over, used to be everybody, used to be nobody, used to be just some people, now its just me and i dont know him

   attempts to speak, to learn again, to teach me about me       to learn to teach                     myself, to set example for ambition directed toward a better version, better verses, better reimbursement of time given tryna be an extrovert, free from bitter, free from bitch asses, set internal standards to never  get fucked with again, fuck you, fuck him, fuck her, i only fucks with a journal & question  everyone,  everything, every word, every whisper, shit ima tell my children every day, breakfast lunch dinner,  do your best and fuck the rest, get it, get lit off enlightenment, fuck rest, save roosting for death, dont look at me, looknat the sky, seize the day in everyway brain permits, dont reach for others' and if anyone tries to take yours, that means they dont fundamentally respect life, so always permeate passion, ignore distractions keeping you from creating, test limits, test intentions, challenge imperfections with wisdom, know that perfect is just cosmetics, but i remain quiet.. remain tied up being alone, wondering..           whether I'm right to do any god damn thing        'cause if I don't do it right..       was I right to think I could, wrong to think I understood

am i wrong not to try?

what of what's sacrificed ?

how do i keep count

how did I end up here       in standby...

standing squeamish & deer eyed in light of opportunities rising in horizon of night skies, to step in to obtain warmth, maintain from days before, to do something, do the one thing, but when will I be ready will eyes be ready to comprehend right or wrong

only me, here. only us, on planet.

only who's responsible? how is who is affected by, afflicted by? when is too late? when is just right, always too soon to tell and.. if I don't do it now, then why expect change..

why, why, why

'cause I expect anything at all

anger toward unmanned vehicles imminent to collide with mine

driven mad up eighty-five degree angled walls during rush hour, sun beaming heat into ride, where i travel on path, thru battlefield of past where fallen intentions decompose to ignorance and wisdom sprouts in the mean time.. I'm in between times, feelin down, down down down down by the way

a trail thru fears past dead ends, rotting trees, looks like fallout hit

a past I try an' forget..

but remember out of reluctance 

to accidentally revisit regret,

stand next to biggest fears,  see if facing them uproots soul

rolls ideas in head, non-stop

like trolls troll under bridges 

to which billy goat gruff temper charges like crono's katana on zenan crossing,

lodes of odes to oaths, lightning loaded, aimed at negative minded sapiens bioshocks via rhythm and syntax, cryo cascades of ideas, locked away in moleskine or computer files to put to rest the rest of an inside in arrest to judgment, in side quest of public playthrough, i feel im on public display, static complaining in front of pretty much strangers   modes of awareness to mental problems i exploit to people who might not think im crazy, who might like what i write, might like to write about the same thing, might see giants in those same nodes i stand near, i hear crisp crackles filling an awkward air as i stare at words on sheets that i might tear, might let collect dust, or share prolly might be quiet, only sound is poetic drafts that fill in under open windows, I open slowly, cool rush, goosebumps, awake aware always, even when mind is a crinkled, crumbled candy wrapper still just construct wrinkles in time via           hairs stand, ovation, and encores to

     helping to cross over doubts, screams of slander, stop it all, right now, shed truth in another light, fed through veins like pen's ink to go over and correct vision of pinheads vane turnin art, free thought to cash and competition, trade purpose blow for blow with obstacles in the name of the next step, over opponents, trade nervous for nerves robust to withstand standing up to stretch and spread chest to stand up for work where time invested is braided circulation    goin in circles,        time wasted pet peeve number 1

    a nowhere never felt before        but something seems familiar.. overlooked,   under yards, under pressure of bone leverage, give life a lift thru cracks of a collapsing effort stretched behind chest and ribs

a heart glows in

hot coal hues hearth warmth under carbon sheets

till blood boils till steam coils from pores to kill the cold along roads

sun or none

no light above, isn't lack of.. 

(look inside)

----

harsh heat of reality hot enough to feel cold

make me go ghost in dark times..

friction strong enough to spark moist..

continue until i sear nerves disembody fromm pain till im felt by meta-form of others

heartfelt arcs between soul and soul-mind 2 mind

light releases thru iris folds spectacle in spectacles----

spectrum wheel of emotions spins &spins to  understand self an urge that intensifies the more  i live life as well as I can Improve every day, no excuse, don't ignore the corners, get behind my ears,every nook and cranny in creative muse-um, uhm, duh, raised on books, nintendo, animation,& wishbone, outside, only myself as playdate, use every square inch as play-scape under every hair in head, a mind uses face and body as way to create 4 fourever& vice versa to escape who ever & know I can do whenever, wherever

wherever i go, a voice in mind goes

that keeps on talkin , keeps me talkin tellin me I've talk--, wrote enough hoped enough to last a lifetime, but that's not enough

and I still got a lifetime

to either solidify or fuck it up

gradually let go of 

to concentrate on life's finest moments i build to build form in appreciation, saying get up, enjoy the sun rays breaching clouds just before dawn; gett off yo butt and do what you know what you taught you to do when you were at multiple low points and you promised you, you'd never fall to end, even if you fall again, again, and again, never stall in the middle of  takeoff stop in middle of road, cant press play if you lost remote, might as well get up and do it, crawl, run or walk away when the times calls to brawl dark-inner energy only honorable mentions defend health during dishonorable discharge of nega, into rivers, into blue sky.. bordered by white clouds and linear silver

a safe place, work space, desk clerk sifting day to day thru file cabinets memories in memos in notebook; written relativity explaining how I see, what I think say what i want like im eight, glad i spent so much time with words and space-bars,   to escape judgment, hatred,

anxious surrounded by bad vibes

above an Earth, below expectations; over a self under surveillance by approval from inside, crazy dimensions, On the fence between people and myself I close eyes, ride waves of nostalgia once more..

see plenty light to traverse pathways, walk fer hours, walk like back in younger days, playin, runnin, completely captivated immersed in games played, tv, roller blades, monopoly, scary stories, trampolines

&10thousand songs later, 10million thoughts later, here I am doing what I made me to.

can't wait for the next chance

supplied energy through lines to hidden gracelands.

[solidburnreturned]

Talking about Mack and Pepper and their whole relationship arc I wanna get all my thoughts on them organized...its long but i think its p good

they met at a pop-up party when pepper was 18 and mack was 19...pepper was like wooOOAAAHAHAHHFGJDK like she couldn’t handle how pretty mack was she was head over heels. she was rly shy around her but mack was friendly and invited her to dance and they hung out till the party stopped and mack rode away with the party crew. pepper was like holy shit i gotta. date her

they got closer over time, becoming better and better friends, hanging out with their friend group but also by themselves in the bar pepper likes to hang in or mack’s pod or whatever. pepper is just falling so in love with her but shes kinda starting to think that mack isn’t interested/out of her league so shes like..internally conflicted. meanwhile mack does think pepper is cute and sweet but knows that pepper is more interested in long term stuff while mack is way more into flings, one nighters, casual stuff yknow. so she doesn’t wanna lead her on or get wrapped up in some messy relationship stuff. she DOES like pepper tho and is frustrated that shes like...one troll that she feels like she can’t get her player hands on

eventually pepper is just losing her mind like she has been pining for this one girl for YEARS, she is 22 and needs to either MOVE ON or ASK HER OUT and she knows she doesnt wanna move on so shes like “HAHA hey....do u wanna.....get beer and nachos tonight at the bar with me........” and mack is like sure lol because they do that like all the time and pepper is like OH WOW....SHE SAID YES not at all aware that mack thinks this is just another friend thing

so theyre at the bar eating and drinking watching the other trolls doing karaoke and mack is chillin but pepper is freaking....and mack is like lol are u okay whats up and pepper is like uhhhhhdfgfbhjdsfnvd WANT ANOTHER ROUND??? I DO!! ALSO LETS GO DANCE!! and mack is like lol sure.. mack can hold her alcohol p well but pepper is a lot smaller so mack is like girl u need to chill ur gonna get Sloppy and pepper starts to kinda ramble about her gay ass feelings but only vaguely and mack thinks its rly cute and funny cuz she’s like at the same level of buzzed as pepper so theyre like hee hawing it up and pepper is like do u uhhhhhhh wanna get outta here and tipsy mack goes against her better judgement and is like sure lets chill at my pod lol

yall already know whats goin on

next morning mack wakes up and there is a snoring pepper in her bed and mack is like oh fuck what have i done. jesus. she like freaking but before she can skedaddle pepper wakes up and shes like starry eyed, rambling about how awesome last night was, telling mack how amazing and smart and pretty pepper thinks she is, all this gushy stuff and mack is like....smiling but super stressed like oh fuck what have i done to this poor girl,, and finally pepper is like “uhmm do u wanna like....be girlfriends....i would love to be ur girlfriend i actually love you so much and i have for years” and mack is like SCREECHING internally and she just kinda. blurts out “no” and pepper is immediately floored like punch to the gut levels of unexpected replies

mack tries to explain that last night was a mistake and that she knew that pepper had a crush on her but didnt think she was THIS into her and now mack feels rly bad about getting her hopes up with last night, she wasnt thinking straight, she regrets it, shes not interested in anything long term, she thinks pepper is awesome, but she just doesnt think they want the same things in life rn. pepper is like dying inside the whole time and starts like SOBBING and mack is like aaaaa im rly sorry i dont know,, what to do,, she just kinda sits there awkwardly cause she doesnt know how to help and shes rly not used to being in this kind of situation where she feels so unsure of herself. pepper is like im just. gonna go im so fuckin sorry and mack is just like fgjhkhjhk....ok later,,

so pepper is destroyed! she feels like shes wasted years not getting romantically involved with any other trolls in hopes that she’ll have a chance with mack but here she is. shes not feeling friendzoned or anything she just feels stupid and rly depressed and so broken hearted like shes just lying around in her pod for days her friends are like ???? what happened whats wrong :((( and shes just like dfdksjak she cant even deal with anything she just wants 2 wallow. shes like slowly turning grey and bismuth is eventually like okay wtf is the matter for real we’re best friends u need to talk to me right now im like not leaving. so pepper explains everything and shes looking a mess and bismuth is like :) im gonna go talk 2 mack for u and pepper is like DO NOT bitch do NOT do that ive screwed things up enough. so theyre like fine but u for real need to go outside and shower and eat and just. its not the end of the world fr

while pepper is trying to pull herself together mack is back on her fling thing but shes like....not rly getting the same satisfaction as she was before? like its not as fun, it feels weird. shes frustrated and is starting to regret her regret and is like hghgngh....i miss?? pepper?? shes like dammit i rly messed up but she also doesnt wanna be jerking pepper around by her heartstrings so shes conflicted as to what to do.. but then she sees how hard pepper is taking it like she even had a pop up party organized to be right where she knew pepper would be, at the bar, and she is like horrified that pepper did not move from her seat the whole time like she could care less, it even seemed to make her feel worse?? mack is just like holy hell what have i done to this poor troll

eventually mack can absolutely not stand seeing pepper looking so almost grey and depressed or hearing her sing her sad fuckin songs (especially uhhhh this one,,) and she sends her an invitation to a sleepover, something they used to do all the time when they were close, and pepper is like hgjfd...Big Sad but she decides to go. she wants to maybe try and rekindle whatever friendship she can even if it might be awkward at first

when she gets to mack’s pod pepper is like shocked to see mack with tears in her eyes and shes looking kinda frantic and is just like “PEPPER I RLY DONT....GET IT....IDK WHATS GOING ON” and pepper is like ???? are u okay omg whats the matter and mack goes on about how she feels like shes missing something and shes not having as much fun with her one night stands and everything just feels weird and off and she hates feeling like this and she hates seeing pepper so broken hearted and shes just REALLY SORRY ABOUT EVERYTHING and pepper is like u dont have to be sorry for how u feel if u dont wanna be with me u dont have to be and mack is like UR SO ADORABLY OBLIVIOUS I FEEL WEIRD BECAUSE I DONT WANT OTHER TROLLS ANYMORE I JUST!! WANT U!! and pepper is just. feeling a lot and shes like bhfgjdfgjkds what. huh. but. and mack is just. apologizing profusely and hugging pepper and pepper is so confused and startled cuz mack is acting so out of character but shes also rly excited and happy because!! mack likes her back!! and after a lot of talking things out and mutual crying they decide to try being exclusive girlfriends and just kinda take things chill. mack still kinda struggles to adjust to this big change to her lifestyle but shes also rly happy with pepper, who is ecstatic to be with mack FINALLY and is just loving her to bits, they love each other so much, everything is good, lesbians. 

[cosmospoons]

House MD season 2

30 second episode recaps from someone whos just watched em for the first time and has bad recall

Ep1: they gotta cure the death row dude so he can go back to death row to b killed, cameron is Bad at telling ppl they're dying, house n Wilson had lunch with the coma guy, they cured death row man, also they changed the theme and I hate it Ep2: House has hayfever lmao, this cancer girl with hallucinations is honestly just the coolest she's so positive I love her, shes nine and got chase to kiss her hero,, house an Wilson have a shared balcony amazing, Wilson is so good and pure and is amazing at his job holy shit I love this man. House actually 'temporarily killed' the patient to cure her and made people run drills on a dead man. House is 400% going to buy a motorbike Ep3: i prayed for Cuddy's handyman to fall off her roof past the window and then god answered my prayers and he did, house broke into Cuddy's house mainly to look at her underwear lbr and then won the 'can we chop off his arm' argument, house secretly speaks spanish and waited for the most dramatic moment to reveal this, they gate crashed a cock fight (ayy) and saved the patient Ep4: the patient is a doctor with an ego ((according to house lmao pot, kettle)) who wanted to sit in on the diagnostic process and honestly is actually full of himself,, house puts him on a tippy table and cranks it up, foreman made a patient cry except he was pretending to be house lmao house got in shit,, Cameron needs to stop please, can the patient get his head out his arse please. house gatecrashes the press conference that the patient called and managed to put him into cardiac arrest on live television and eventually cured him of everything cept bein a knob Ep5: Wilson's handwriting is such doctor handwriting and house definitely bought a motorbike and made Wilson pay for it he's so pleased with himself. The kid keeps getting electrocuted but like,, by his own body. House is avoiding his parents but Cameron n Wilson aren't letting him get away with it. I love house n Wilson's friendship so much it's worth 5k apparently lmao. These patients are fukin serial liars jc why are ppl like this, it was rADIATION wow houses dad is a fucking DICK. There were so many good interactions and the house/wilson ship is sailing Ep6: there was a cyclist who took a LOT of drugs which turned out to be curing him of the thing he had, house is a douchebag but we all knew that - he may b a dick to mark but m sure mark deserves it n I love him anyway. Wilson remains a sweet boy even if he cheats idgaf he's adorable look at him ((wilson: i net someone who made me feel funny, me: was it hOUSE)),, he n house are balcony buddies and house shud stop stealing his food, and he should definitely stop digging thru stacys life but actually fuck it why not he's not gunna let go of this why is she so pissy i wanna know Ep7: I love houses new pet rat Steve McQueen,, Wilson is 4000% done with houses Stacy related antics which is fair tbh he should stop but I actually don't give much of a shit about Stacy I've taken against her....he did deserve what she said after reading her file tho. The patient may have given Cameron aids and Cameron got high and slept with Chase, who she may have given aids lmao these ppl r messes but not as much of a mess as that father/son relationship jc...i dont remember anything else about the patient whoops Ep8: chase is being suuuueeeeddd and he keeps lying about why lmao,, house fuckin reamed him one which was probably called for but maybe not like that, turns out chase screwed up cus his dad died and foreman is houses boss ((supervisor)) now how well do u think that's gunna work (((not very))) Stacy's still a bitch and has ~~feelings~~ Ep9: foreman is in charge and house is doing his utmost best to be the dick of the year and it's fucking hilarious honestly I love this man the shit he pulls jc,,, Wilson is super aware of houses antics as usual and had a mild gay panic when foreman started to question him about house,, the patient was a big ol Faker™ but surprise surprise she was actually sick this time ((house totally injected her with a load of stuff so she’d b readmitted after they’s released her)) Ep10: house solved a case thru the phone alone and spent most of the ep at the airport except for those five minutes when he almost slept with Stacy who once had a terrible experience with curry apparently and called house a vindaloo, nice restraint very well timed phone call thank fuck,,, they will sleep together tho and I am Not Happy about it....the power play amongst the fellows is a boiling pot of trouble - the patient was v interesting I enjoyed the word scramble game Ep12: WHAT A GOOD FUCKIN EP so the patient orgasmed in the white chamber while unconscious and covered in burns but more importantly house gatecrashed the lecture of his old archenemy that he had arranged just so he could disturb it and criticise the dude who got him thrown out of med school for snitchin on his cheating all whilst Wilson told him to get better hobbies (('a hooker anything please')),, to test this dudes migraine meds he gave deliberately himself a migraine and the meds didn't work (unsurprising) so the fellows turned out all the lights while he had a nap under the table,, wilson took a diff approach and deliberately made a Lot of noise because he is a Shit even if he hides it better than house,,,, then house dropped a tab of acid and took a bunch of antidepressants, and cured his migraine as well as the patient Ep13: houses leg was super duper sore but at least we got some fantastic house/wilson interaction when wilson pretended to be God during that MRI, even if house hit him with a cane.... The patient was a teen supermodel who seduced her own father to get whatever she wanted,, house was super sure she had cancer and it turns out she did but it was testicular because she had xy chromosomes and was immune to testosterone - which was really fucking interesting...... Also cuddy played house like a violin and gave him placebo saline instead of a morphine shot to prove to him that his leg pain was psychological Ep14: House is stealing organs now. Ok so technically he did get the husband's permission to steal his newly dead wife’s heart for the dying old dude with a strangely young daughter but only after he kneed house in the balls super hard. House spent the whole ep goin on at wilson about the affair he thought he was having and at the end wilson showed up on houses doorstep but sURPRIse !! It was his wife who was sleeping around!! poor baby Wilson I know what goes around comes around but he's such a kicked puppy cmon Ep15: Wilson and house living together is a recipe for disaster and I'm living for it so good so many good interactions I love that house is gunna keep him for his food ((I'll never b over house hearing the voicemail about Wilson's new place, looking over at him sleeping on the couch and then deleting it so he has to stay)). The patient had a super cool marriage and didn't have lupus except whoops actually not a happy marriage his wife is tryna kill him thru gold poisoning. House needs to stop accosting ppl in bathrooms and should also stop destroying marriages Ep16: oh man good shit so,, first of all house n Wilson are still living together and there are some Domestic Antics happening right here including but not limited to a prank war which house desperately tried to get Wilson to participate in, the peak of which had house making Wilson wet the couch and Wilson sabotaging houses cane. The patients mum was ridiculously overprotective and house essentially kidnapped the patient to find the tick noone else thought was there,, surprisingly Wilson helped set that up despite the fact house was the reason he woke up wet that morning Ep17: first things first house could absolutely clean everyone out at poker if he knows Cuddy's tells that well through just a phonecall,, also he needs to stop calling Wilson out on his toenail varnish habits lmao. The patient was a smol boy who presented the same symptoms as an unsolved and dead case that house had 12 yrs ago so he really wasn't gunna let this one go cus he's like a dog with a bone. They were in formal wear all ep which was a Good Look™ and Wilson's retelling of how he won the poker championship may have been one of the cutest things I have ever seen Ep18: Emma from Glee is here and she has the black plague,, her gf decided to donate her liver n Cameron was all het up cus house had worked out plague girl was gunna leave her and sending the gf in blind would be ~~unethical~~ but turns out she knew and deliberately did that so Emma would stay with her out of guilt lmao. In other news Cameron's pissy cus foreman 'stole' her article and house spent most of the episode napping cus wilson is fuckin up his sleep cycle ;) I'm upset there was no physical wilson Ep19: the most annoying patient so far appears in the form of a 15 yr old faith healer with herpes. I feel like the degree to which unrelenting niceness irritates me rly says something about me but eh oh well. Chase (ofc it was chase) kept a tally on who was winning God or house, faith healer managed to shrink a womans cancer tumour through giving her herpes (((a miracle praise be))) and during poker night house called wilson out on sleeping with said cancer patient and discovered wilson was actually living with her whoops bad Wilson ((he totally regrets his life choices ((he should)))) Ep20: HOLY SHIT ITS A TWOPARTER AND FOREMANS GUNNA DIE !! Ok so,,, there was this cop who couldn't stop laughing till he could but then it got a lot worse and then foreman caught whatever it was which they began to realise when he smirked as house shot a corpse to see what a bullet in a brain would do to an MRI ((spoilers it broke the machine)) anyway long story short it wasnt the pigeons and the cops dead and foreman is gunna die even after that shitdick move he pulled where he stabbed Cameron with a needle so she'd go to the apartment Ep21: HOO BOY OK SO a lot happened so much happened the most important thing is foreman by the end of the ep is mostly kind of ok - he's just a bit muddled on his lefts n rights. During the ep house was stressed the entire time cus even tho he denys it he does love n care for his ducklings,, he even cares enough to deliberately attempt to poison Steve McQueen which didn't work but can be added to the list of stressful events. Cameron grew a spine a lil bit I literally yelled when she berated cuddy and she forced the biopsy cus foreman had the foresight (ayyyyy) to make her his medical proxy even if house managed to find the problem anyway so it was ultimately unnecessary and has just resulted in some possible brain damage Ep22: house keeps trying to pick a fight with foreman and failing because Foreman's all happy go lucky now, the patient was mad because of a thing and killed her baby accidentally on purpose, the music that played during the baby autopsy was super unnecessary and bizzare, and in the end the woman had cancer but she's refusing treatment cus of the baby guilt. Cuddy didn't have cancer, which we know because Wilson ((WILSON NOT HOUSE)) stole her dna and ran secret tests in the middle of the night, but it still wasn't a date Wilson despite what house said about skin lessions she was actually just going to attempt to use u as a sperm donor - have fun at the L-word marathon with house you big sad loser (I love u) Ep23: we meet an old house friend which is Super fun he is ridiculously naive and I love that he calls house g-man holy shit. House is now giving cuddy injections as part of a fertility treatment which is nice of him especially seeing as his leg was in a Lot of pain this ep,, like a LOT...he's self-injecting morphine now which is probably bad :/ house's friend's daughter was the patient at one point she pooped out her mouth gRoSs and house ran a paternity test n told the girl she was actually the dudes daughter ((except he was lYINg in support of his friend)) he does care Ep24: HOUSE GOT SHOT WHAT IS IT WITH THIS TEAM SUFFERING RN JC this was a very fun episode of 'guess when house is hallucinating', spoilers the answer is all the time the whole ep takes place in his head. That aside I absolutely loved the hospital gown/trainer combo (no I won't apologize) and the fact that house did almost none of his physio - instead relegating it to others which is....not how it works. The hallucinatory clinic patient was freaky deaky his eye exploded and so did his dick but dw cus to escape the hallucination house killed him ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ what can u do. At the end house woke up n requested ketamine we'll see how that goes

Season 1

[gwisingegooli]

party yesterday and the night before was really good

it’s cool talking to new people who are different ages and have different experiences from you!! everybody was really memorable, and nice. good mix of people for sure.

i really liked hanging out w people and just having a chill time yesterday. hope theres more opportunities to hang out w everyone. endless joints being passed around. we thought we ran out of alcohol but then there was a ton more in the freezer LOL. that’s how you know a party’s good.

one guy, ama_ris, was a total party dad, checked on everyone, made sure volume wasn’t too loud outside, also yiked on some chick and we were all like oh mah god LOLOL apparently someone who wasn’t black said the n word and he made a psa to erryone that that word wasn’t ok LOL it was like oof but yeah. i gave him an edible but just one since he already took half a tab of molly LOL

jerem__y x_ue came through with his gf!! they were realy cute togetha. she’s really sweet and smiley. they were hella good at beer pong but they were playing against one dude m_att who was literally on the baseball team!!!! ma_tt literally made six cups in a row LOLOL but it ended up being a really close, hype game.

then i played w someone and i was actually IN THE ZONE and turned my competitive tryhard mode on. we were both killin it but we ended up very narrowly losing. but it was definitely a good game.

there were these three white girls who came and were havin a good time together and i really liked their vibe. i only met one of them but apparently she went to tino, same year as jer_my and they were like omg!!! LOLOL i talked to her for like ten seconds but her smile was so cute and bright that i got really smilely back LOL

the dance floor was SO INTENSE LOL. i’m not cool so i didn’t know the songs that well but people were like GOING AT IT yellin lyrics grindin on each other. i just like danced through it every time i moved rooms LOL whoo cannot match that energy but wish i could

whenever we went outside there were some dope conversations going on. a decent amount of tino people came thru, and it was nice seeing the homies again. n_ic_k and i r actually bffs now hehe. he was rolling for the first time in a year and i would see him every once in a while and he’d update me w how he was feeling. i’d be like u good homie :) LOL

this dude named con_over was fuckin lit at talking and really knew bay area culture. you could tell he’d hung out w a ton of different people, and he was really quick. he was talking to g_abe about like armenian people in the bay, and like competitive hs kids at lynbrook, about p flo LMAO yknow

later when we were chilling outside i told him he should stream LOLOL and actually he’s like decent at gaming although he doesnt make it his whole life. i was vibin w the group convo tho and then he engaged me in like side convo about video games and kinda awk but when he asked me about like how much i play and stuff i was like eh i dont really wanna talk about video games rn. and then he like clarified and asked again and i was like nah i just dont really wanna talk about video games rn. cause i just wanted to rejoin the main group but is whateva

ok now talkin bout a few things myself. i realized what dfeng meant when he said i didn’t know how to chill. i know how to be an active participant, and even a passive participant, but i never just chill LOL but yesterday was perfect for just chillin and absorbin the vibes. i think that’s literally the most i’ve just chilled at a party LOL imma do that more bc uhhh why not lol. go w the flow.

also edibles r my fave at a party. i feel really chill and like ok w everything.

i also tried like coming up w really good group questions when the timing was right and there was the slightest lull in convo. it was pretty great LMAO and i love asking shit like that. like if there was a coin and one side was $50 million, and the other side was aids... would you flip it LOL i love when people have strong answers and go off LOLOL

i also love like side vibin w randos. if theres a vibe i appreciate ill let u know yknow LOLOL one guy was goin off about how cereal was a soup and i was like u got some wisdom to share and he was like meaningfully nods LOLOL

i think i should leave a little earlier? idk lol i think i left at a perfect time but shit just happened to go down (three people helping someone yakking outside). my only regret is like being kinda rude to con_over and then not helping that person outside. i shouldve just checked in instead of being weird about it and just leaving. luckily con_over is cool and was like have a nice night LOLOL. i also missed saying goodbye to amar_is since he went to help out w vomiting dood

also lowkey everyone at the party who knew me hyped me up and was like THIS IS THE MEME QUEEN LOOOOL i was like .oh god.. but its my legacy tho (◡‿◡✿) everybody at the office apparently still talks about me all the time like i’m still there heart heart. i’m so glad i got the opporunity to be editor in chief. and i’m also so glad that la voz only continues to grow and be even more amazing. my office was like i love everyone!! lets have a fun time. and then it was like. we are legitimizing journalism. this program will train you. *intense voice* but i love it. and chr_istian is totally gonna do an amazing job. he knows how to be serious and connect w everyone. i gave him my blessing LOL he’s gonna be amazing.

i liked really talking to a_na, cause i hadn’t before. and anna (different person) was great LOL she knew how to be the life of the party and had an amazing laugh.

one dude j_osh was MY MAN LOL he literally went around the party w alc and his goal was to make sure everyone got fucked up. it was amazing i loved him. i wanna be that guy too LOLOL. whenever i saw him making rounds in whatever room i was in i’d be like my man LOLOL and he’d do the bro nod and smile

i really liked everyone there. none of the guys were weird at all. nobody was shady. everyone was nice and out here to have a good time, get a lil turnt, make new friends, maybe share some wisdoms.

just mah reflections. i wanna say bye to everyone when possible!! always check in on fucked up people. chill. ask fun questions. wish i did one crazy, memorable thing but there’s always next time LOLOL

[lokbobpop]

Everything

every single thing or every particular of an aggregate or total; all. something extremely important: This news means everything to us 1.

all things; all the things of a group or class. All things the current situation

all things, taken separately; any total or aggregate considered with reference to its constituent parts; each separate item or particular," late 14c., from every + thing. Colloquially, "something of extreme importance," by 1889

Everything every thing ever ryth ing e very thing e very thin g

Writing the word everything

All and everything comes up like what id everything and all as one how do i see this cushion im sat on as me how do i respect this cushion as me all and everything as me.

Reading the word everything

Everything matters yes every single thought my mind has matters every little bit tell me something about me in what im allowing within me in every breath its important because i can see me all the time all what i am in every moment i need to see me to change me i need to see every second of me yes me to embrace me to hold me to be there for me to love myself unconditionally and i do love myself im gifting myself right now with this writing i am gifting i just went off on a thought of how are we going ot get all cerise animals out i cant pay for them all but i dotn want to her to go thought having ot kill them all.

Every single molecule in everything matter and is alive now thats saying something hey like when there was a recording of the snowflake which was truly amazing and should be thought about everyday thsi snowflake had a thought which changed things how amazing is this so me i can change things i can do it even though i fall every bloody minute thsi morning i have noticed how recently my mind is bring in more though so as it really doesn’t like this my writing it feels very threaten give up mind give in im not going to stop this you can join me in this life as one come see my way of thinking it is better for all of us here within this body not just you you dotn feed anyone anymore its all over cant you see.

Everything on this planet is alive how about that pretty cool and everything is trying to show me what i am allowing within me all the time ive got so much support its here i need ot tap into it more ask for help more i know i look to kim and now its to late as the baby might even be here now already i hope so and i hope she has an easy birth x

Saying everything

The thought of being overwhelmed by everything my thoughts particularly even though they are tame they are annoying for sure i need a better standing in them i need to slow down be still be quiet and look and open and see who i am in them all yes i do.

Everything being to much to handle process family life it all seems so much hey so many things ot do at once but it can be done im so lucky to have so much time on hand so i see that i need to get it done i need to work fast i need to help those who need me

Im taking everything a part of me that’s greedy comes up like i want everything just in case i need it i see my desire for all is good strong all my wants needs and desires hey i want everything as i see ive not got much and what i do have must be cherished looked after as i see i see others having more than me and what ive got isnt enough i Need more and this more to feel better and those parts i have let go because i thought i didnt need anymore then regretted them as soon as ive let then go i see i wan them back when i can have them back i have this loss in me that feels empty and i pine for my things back even if i dont need them anymore or even want them i see im holding a desire for them anyways because i made them a part of me in some way so that they will always be mine and i need to learn how to let them go i need to see they no longer belong i need to free them so im free myself yes let go all my. Thoughts is a letting go letting be i dont need anymore. I see to day my mind is jumping so much as i might be seeing something it doesnt want me to see write about letting go of my past is very important tp learn from them i se wheni say past o have this anxiety come up like unease wil it go can i do this i want this but cant see this as im handing on by a thread of these thoughts and my mind knows this and its worried i might let go… so from here no more of my past thoughts that i have hung onto Anne have let my mind keep me trapped down deep within this body i say stop from here no more you are finished within me i have no room for the old me only what is to be from now on yes me my true being all my thoughts are point less old out of context of who i am right now i need that space for more important things in life me i bring me out mind see me understand me what is best here its not sure power of who you think i should be your wrong you just been mislead its all a mistake you can go write now you can ne equal right now ive got this join me as your equal really comparison thats what you think your a fighter for sure but no comparison is goin got move me write now no its not good enough i see you have not desire to move and you have been designed to well but your time of entrapment is over its now time ot live breath a me equal to me.

I think of all the tiny things like a speck of dust the snow flake the tiny piece of dirt we dont see but builds this earth to what it is right now in this moment so everything counts as something sure you could take away many thinks and thing would still be the same but how much can you take away before you notice things are missing im not sure where im going with this but just wanted to look at this point with me what counts and what doesnt count it all counts doesnt matter how big or small it all counts as one and equal if the snow flake can have amazing insight so can the dust and the dirt nothing is to small nothing is to big.

Sf

Does this definition support me no it doesnt its who i want to be not seeing me now in the moment only in a future date like i want this to happen and so on not living right now here with self and all things right now i need to knuckle down get things straight within me work it out. I am here i am calm i am stable.

Everything all things

Everything i am everything everything is in me

To be here to be present to be to be calm to be strong stable confident to be everything as me allowing me within myself to experience everything.

I will live this word as i am everything and everything is me as me i am in all all is me one oneness

[jinwoostro-archive]

rules: once you’ve been tagged, you are supposed to write a note with 92 truths about you.  at the end choose 25 people to be tagged

Tagged by: @jakganim​ and @astrofireworks​ (bc they love me sm 😜)

Tagging: uhhhhh 25 friends???? asjk mmkay @moonbeams-and-sanshine @blingkwan @93sehyoon @kim-sehyooned @cha-eunwoow @sxhyoon @softsocky (dont have to do this if u dont wanna btw)

last:

drink: teA (bc when do i never drink tea?)

phone call: my sister, wondering when tf she was gonna come home from school

text message: “Great! i hate it!” skjd my friend who decided to send a video of a sewer rat

song you listened to: Yonas - photo (which ya girl finally managed to learn lmao)

time you cried: ........when am i not? but yesterday? idk?

have you ever:

dated someone twice: nope

been cheated on: nada

kissed someone and regretted it: i have virgin lips

lost someone special: yes

been depressed: yes

been drunk and thrown up: nah

in the past year have you:

made a new friend: idk if i’d call these losers my friends 🙄 (jkjk ily all)

fallen out of love: give me some love to fall into first

laughed until you cried: heck yeah

met someone who changed you: definitely

found out who your true friends are: um i dont rlly know? ive discovered some friends which i dropped lmao and im still confused tbh

found out someone was talking about you: god bless screenshots :’)

general:

how many people on tumblr do you know in real life?: tbh i’ve met @artist-aroha once... (bich we should meet up again tf but after ya exams okie?) and 2 other ppl here but they’ve deactivated rip,,,,, (patiently waits for me to go to uni so i can meet several ppl) :))))

do you have any pets?: :(((( noooooo

do you want to change your name?: idk, the reason why i dislike it is bc i hate certain people saying my name so i associate it when them but at the same time... it’s me?

what time did you wake up this morning: fUCK 2:24pm apparently

what were you doing last night: i honestly dont remember, everything was a haze 

name something you cannot wait for: UNI UNI UNI FINALLY FUCKIN LEAVING THIS PLACE WOO

have you ever talked to a person named tom?: i had a friend who had a bro called tom but no one else

what’s getting on your nerves right now: :)))))))) daya

blood type: i..idk?

nickname: lala, lan, lanlanna, na, trash panda (jk i gave that one to myself)

relationship status: #SingleLyfe

zodiac sign: Sagittarius

pronouns: she/her

favorite show: meerliin??? idk? that’s the only show that i still rewatch and the characters still affect me lmao

college: currently out of education but im goin back to it

hair color: brown :’) (watch when i go lilac tho)

do you have a crush on someone: @ eunwoo and sehyoon..... hi

what do you like about yourself: i guess i can be caring lmao

firsts:

first surgery: on my chin bc i used my cousins buggy as a slide and put it against the cupboard and i hit my chin on the corner of it and i still remember my uncle holding me in the car on the way to the hospital even tho i was 6 (bih i still have the scar lmao) also is this why im known as having a clumsy ass????

first piercing: akjsn my mum got my ears pierced when i was 1 but i got upper lobes done on my 17th bday woop

first sport you joined: athletics team

first vacation: okAY we went to kurdistan when i was 4 and all i remember is 3 things. throwing up in the car, my dad getting his passport fixed there and my aunt force feeding me yoghurt  

first pair of sneakers: AT THAT AGE MY MUM BOUGHT ME EVERYTHING IDK

right now:

eating: havent eaten today

drinking: ^^^

i’m about to: listen to these new songs my friend recced

listening to: Russ - Yung God (a good ass song)

want kids: .....not now biCH im 19 (but like,,, in the future if my mind hasn’t changed then i’d like to adopt)

get married: i dont see myself getting married sooooo

career: this whole thing is a bunch of IDK bc i really don’t, on the one hand...a stable career but on the other hand i’d love to be part of the storyboard team on a movie franchise so....

which is better:

lips or eyes: sucker for both

hugs or kisses: huGS ND CUDDLES

shorter or taller: bearing in mind how short i am,,,im gonna go with taller

older or younger: older

romantic or spontaneous: hmm more romantic?

sensitive or loud: both

hookup or relationship: relationship bc i get attached easily nd im too anxious for hookups lmao

troublemaker or hesitant: akdkjas im drawn to troublemakers bc i love excitement BUT at the same time, i prefer hesitant?? idk how to describe it

have you ever:

kissed a stranger: virgin lips

drank hard liquor: didnt wanna tbh but i did

lost contacts/glasses: no contacts or glasses to lose

sex on first date: :))))))) bitch please

broken someone’s heart: god i hope not

been arrested: it’s an experience i wanna try :))

turned someone down: yes

fallen for a friend: yes

do you believe:

in yourself: whomst is that?

miracles: philosophy messed with my mind so im in between here

love at first sight: love can develop from physical attraction at first sight

[gayspock]

dont rb, dont rply

m just really sad bc im rlly halfway into my degree and its just hitting me and i still have no friends and i m still failing and im so scared because i have nowhere to go after this is all over i have nowhere to go whatsoever im going to end up failing and i dont care bc i fucking suck at it but this is also literally like. ... like this is the only place tht i could go to, the only uni tht would take me and the only course, and i have nowhere else to go bc i just cant do anything else but i cant even do this like. i dont belong here so. obviously but i dont belong fuckin anywhere man im just terrified im just going to end up alone and i cant. i cant work im such a fucking mess i cant evenget up most days and i cant... do anythin. im just going t be stuck with all this debt and without anywhere to lvie and i just. bro what am i going to fuckin do man i jsut it was such a waste of time just delaying the inevitable . like every year tht passes im just filled with more regret like why DIDNT i kill myself at 18, at 16, at 14, at 12, at 9 at whatever liek . why did i keep ... thinkin i could outrun everythin like.... i dont know. i hate bein dramatic. but  it just feels like. a fucking lifetime of shit tht just never fuckin goes away man ... im still cryin abt half the same shit i was when i was 9.   im still so so fucking scared of my parents . like im still life terrified of my dad & i keep having nightmares abt him & he lives hundreds of miles away.  i still dont have friends - i still just keep finding myself useless and on the fringes of everything, at the butt of every single goddamn joke when im with people,  and just every single fucking night for years ive just... ended up crying alone in the dark .... and i still jsut. suck at everythin g. like theres still just been ntohin tht jsut . like i just want to feel GOOD for once, happy or proud of myself for once but i just. consistently fucking humiliate myself, embarass myself, and prove myself to be a disappointment and a let down to everyone and its just..... .  the stupi d fantasies cant help u at a certain point any more man. losing urself in a possible future where maybe its okay and just constantly being told it gets better ... like ggggod . im so so tired and im so tired of having to sustain myself off of tht. of it just being so worthless no matter what u do or how hard u try and ebing told tht ur so young you have worth . and it just comes out the mouths of ppl who dont know u, of strange fuckin proffessionals or strangers who dont know you and its just... i dont know im getting older and i jsut feel like ive missed out on so many years bc i cant manage any of it i cant cope and im getting worse and worse and theres nothing making it better. and i cant sustain myself on the .. stupid hollow empty shit im not strong at all im a fucking . BITCH frankly and i just dont want to fight like tht man i just want to be okay in some capacity even if i was just fucked up as hell still but jsut. at least had some ... something.... anything  but i dont and i cant. i cant get a grasp on anything even when i try and i jsut. im just so fucking inadequate man at everything and    like thts the thing right thats he thing there has to actually be something to make it worthwhile, to start change but it jsut... i can try alli want im just fuckin useless man. i dont kno whats wrong with me and i just feel fuckin trapped  and im going in circles ive been goin in SO many fucking circles jesus CHRIST love us all

[trickstercheebs]

Some thoughts on ch.3

just a lil ramble of thoughts I’ve been having since I watched batim’s newest chapter and finally learned some good secrets about the situation in game.

So we now know what kinda man Joey Drew is..A excitable and charismatic individual who believes hard work and believing can do anything..and according to henry “a man of ideas”. i’m goin on a limb here judging by voice alone, but Joey sounds like a big man with bigger dreams both in a physical and mental sense. Seeing as he got where he was today with his own hard work and a pencil he feels everything can be done the same way..

looking at the other tapes and general disarray of the world around us, Joey’s more or less a ungodly slave driver who expects his workers to give him everything they have to make his dreams come true. He’s a man who strikes me as the type to do anything to make sure his dreams come true in the end.

A man with a silver tongue and a iron fist more or less, someone who wears a grin no matter what as long as things go his way. His workers were clearly unhappy and unsatisfied..but stayed regardless until the bitter end. From my own experiences only a few factors can keep someone in such a hellish workspace. Either they couldn’t find work that paid anywhere else, couldn’t leave to begin with due to contracts with Joey Drew or they were simply scared. Joey’s a man who seems like he’d do anything to get his way, and those kinda people will not hesitate to remove any roadblocks or uncooperative people that stand in their way by any means necessary. Like cut corners in building and merchandise, health regulations and getting unruly workers to keep quiet.

. He seems like he’s constantly upbeat and excited, so seeing what kind of anger that man keeps tucked away more than likely would keep a few people in place. I mean Sammy’s work was more than likely destroyed thanks to Joeys ink machine..So why didn’t he just quit and leave?? Was he locked in a contract or did one of their “talks” go to far? Instead sammy just builds his own secret hideaway to spite Joey.

And with Susie, one moment shes having dinner with Joey and calling him a charismatic man, to being told second hand shes being replaced as Alice’s VA.. I can only wonder now if that’s Susie or Alison we meet in game..or both?

Henry seems like the only one to date to have gotten free of Joey before it was too late..But how and why remain a mystery. It’s clear as day the difference between Henrys voice on the tape compared to henrys voice in game..it might be 30 years of age..Or several working for Joey.. “I give and he takes and takes and takes..” Joey seems like he’s insatiable in all regards..wanting everything around him. Henry regrets his choices only after 2 fucking weeks with the man. That alone screams that Henrys taking on untold amounts of stress and conflict being near him. And constant stress and overworking can have untold dmg on the body and soul. Henry sounds so tired and weary in game..maybe it took someone from the outside, possibly “Linda” to make him see what Joey was doing to him and everyone else.

So how did Henry get free when no one else seemed to be keen on getting away? Could be from failing health causing him to leave, maybe Henry and Joey came to blows over something..Maybe Henry’s “new character” caused a rift of artistic differences? Or Henry got some damned sense and left knowing Joey would put him in a early grave? ...which considering henry came back makes little sense lol.

the other thing i wanted to ramble about was..well the ink itself. Alice confirms that the ink is nothing normal..but a pool of screaming minds and thoughts all blended together until you cant tell whats left anymore..And she’s hellbent on staying away from any other creature in game, Bendy especially by saying “i wont let the demon touch me again..”

It seems like the rest of the more mindless characters dont like the idea of separate entities trying to be themselves? Sammy seemed to be fine with the searchers..but he was less formed than Alice or Bendy was, more like a searcher with pants on honestly.

Another thing is that everyone seems afraid or in awe of Bendy himself..Alice stating that theres a unspoken rule even about avoiding attracting the devils attention. Its clear she fears him finding her or getting near, possibly to drag her back into the ink to “rejoin” the others.. And Sammy tries sacrificing Henry as a way to appease him..We’re still missing a great deal of info but the main overall enemy seems to be the ink itself..and Bendy as a whole.

For all we know Joey’s still here in the studio, waiting for us and controlling the strings behind everything..The hivemind of ink wants to reclaim everything around it while some seem desperate to escape it or have others replace them in the darkness. I’m beginning to think when we meet Joey, or if we do even, that we’ll have a fight on our hands. 

Because Joey believes what hes doing is best, and takes everything from those around him..Who’s to say the ink isn’t the same way? Joey may still be alive, and his presence reaches farther than ever in the studio, he may even have control of the ink itself :v

just some ideas i’ve put out to get my thoughts straight but..this game could potentially go hella dark if done right