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hannigramslesbianhusband · 9 months ago

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So I started watching season 3 of Hannibal, and Will said this line, taken directly from the book!!

"Hannibal follows several trains of thought at once, without distraction from any one of the trains"

And it reminded me that I needed to post the continuation of this that I wrote a bit ago! So without further ado:

Clocks and Metronomes in Hannibal (2)

So… lets actually talk about this quote in relation to Hannibal. “They went in and out of phase”

Both clocks and pendulums could represent time in some way. Clocks, the current time. metronomes, the past. Hannibal is somewhat following two trains of thought- one trying to figure out the clock, and the other, remembering the things that the doctor is asking him to remember. We may not be told explicitly what he is remembering, but he does give multiple answers about it, so he is. When he stops the movement of the metronome, that is when he “closes up” and stops talking about the past. And Will’s analysing of crime scenes, imagining himself as the killer, always starts with a metronome. It’s like hes rewinding time, to live through what they lived through.

I don’t have to argue very hard for the fact that clocks represent time, but I will anyway. Twice the stopping or disappearance of a clock has coincided with the death of a person.

"the running looter pitched forward, tumbling to fall beside the clock, his face smashed and the clock’s face smashed too; his heart and the clock beat once and stopped."

"looked at his own bare wrist as though curious about the time of his death."

The ticking of the metronome and the clock going in and out of phase is probably representative of “the hemispheres of his brain acting independently”, as Dr. Rufin puts it, and his different trains of thought at the time. Perhaps he is splitting his thoughts simeultaneosly between calculations and clocks (which he enjoys, and admittedly takes a lot of mental energy from the average person), and his memories of what happened with Mischa (which he definitely does not want to remember.)

We as the readers are only provided with the memories that Hannibal also remembers- as the end of the whole lodge scenario is due to him not remembering any of it. He doesn’t know, so we dont get to know. But we are both slowly learning it.

I think the TV show may have taken inspiration from this and applied it to Will as opposed to Hannibal- considering all the lost memories he ends with, and him slowly remembering them.

Upon being pushed more about Mischa- his thoughts turn more from trying to calculate the length of the pendulums, and more trying to recall facts about different clocks he knows about. Almost desperately trying to distract himself- like the calculations are too hard for him now, his mind is too scattered. He really just wants to think about anything else. When we and he himself know he could easily figure out the length of that pendulum if he wanted to. Shortly after his thoughts turn to just recalling facts, he considers going into his mind palace, but he doesn't because “it would be a long shout for doctor Rufin”, and…. I'm not sure exactly what that means? Maybe its an error in my book and its supposed to say shot? But even if it is…. I'm still not exactly sure what that means. But regardless, there is a reason he doesn’t, maybe out of actually wanting to work with the doctor (which he seemed very ok with, even enthusiastic about), which means if he were to go to his mind palace, he would no longer be able to hear the doctor, or follow his multiple trains of thought.

But, basically, lets talk about what the sounds of the clock and the metronome, and simultaneously the lines of Hannibal's thoughts, going in and out of phase really means. Typically… clocks and metronomes would not go in and out of phase. It depends on when the metronome is started in relation to what point of oscillation the clock is. It would stay there (assuming they are both moving at the same speed). And admittedly, i'm sitting here trying to calculate how exactly these two are moving, which i can’t exactly do without the numbers. What makes it harder is I know that this all happened in under one hour ("The clock used the Roman IV on its face, rather than IIII, for symmetry with the VIII on the other side. Hannibal wondered if that meant it had Roman striking—two chimes, one meaning “five” and another meaning “one.” "). The best answer i can come up with is that one of them has to be ticking at exactly double the speed of the other, but im no physicist so don’t take that as law. Regardless- my point here was trying to figure out if them ticking in AND out of phase with eachother was even possible. If it is, awesome! Thats an amazing attention to detail. If not, then we know for sure this is just a way of communicating how Hannibal's thoughts are working. I also wanted to figure out if the clock and metronome would tick at the exact same time in perfect antiphase, like they would in phase. If I could figure it out I think that would give a little more insight into how Hannibals thoughts are working, but I don't know!

Either way- here is what waves look like in phase, and antiphase (technically out of phase, but theres more to that)

Now- it doesnt say the two waves were exactly in phase or antiphase with eachother, it says "in and out of phase". Out of phase is simply anywhere the two waves are not in phase, including antiphase (antiphase is being completely and wholly out of phase). This means, that there are points where the two pendulums were antiphase with eachother,

Anyway- the bottom line is- just imagine the ticking in and out of phase as Hannibals trains of thought. Occasionally they line up, and occasionally they are completely different, but still overlap at certain points.

When he stopped the pendulum moving, he stopped his train of thought about Mischa and the past. Now he has one train of thought! Yay.

Clocks and Metronomes in Hannibal

``Hannibal counted the beats of the metronome against those of the clock. They went in and out of phase``

?????? Clocks???! speaking of this, I found out something really cool. I was researching trying to find some kind of connection or UN-connection between clocks and metronomes and what they might mean here, and I found this very interesting journal, which references and builds off of some of Christiaan Huygens' discoveries and work.

Let's list out a couple of things:

Arguably, Hannibal's favorite book is Treatise of Light, by none other than Christiaan Huygens.

``Among Mr. Jakov’s books was a copy bound in leather of Christiaan Huyghens’ Treatise on Light, and Hannibal was fascinated with it, with following the movement of Huyghens’ mind, feeling him moving toward discovery. He associated the Treatise on Light with the glare of the snow and the rainbow distortions in the old windowpanes. The elegance of Huyghens’ thought was like the clean and simplified lines of winter, the structure under the leaves. A box opening with a click and inside, a principle that works every time. It was a dependable thrill, and he had been feeling it since he could read.``

I skimmed a bit of the book- and it does include an explanations of the calculations Hannibal used to determine the height of the towers in his castle- which he was doing before he read the book. Bro is a literal genius.

``Also in the year Hannibal was six, Count Lecter found his son determining the height of the castle towers by the length of their shadows, following instructions which he said came directly from Euclid himself. Count Lecter improved his tutors then—within six weeks arrived Mr. Jakov, a penniless scholar from Leipzig.``

The journal I previously mentioned is, in very simple terms, about how pendulums and clocks synchronize. We can very reliably assume Hannibal is a fan of Christiaan Huygens, it’s very possible he could later have read Horologium oscillatorium, where he discusses these discoveries. Unfortunately, I can not dig too deep into the original text because the only copy I could find is in Latin, and I really don’t want to translate all that. But I CAN use the information provided in the journal. It’s also reasonable to assume Hannibal would know a lot of the information presented in the journal, because although Christiaan Huygens’ books are from the 1600s, Hannibal is not, and discoveries have been made! Science has advanced! Yippee!

In the journal, It is stated that “Synchronization occurs in diverse physical, biological, and chemical systems. Examples include the synchronous flashing of fireflies, the chorusing of crickets, the rhythmic applause of concert audiences, the coordinated beating of cardiac pacemaker cells, the pathological neural synchrony associated with epileptic seizures, and the coherent voltage oscillations of superconducting Josephson junction arrays.”

It all sounds very artistic. It is beautiful and connected. Right up Hannibal's alley, for sure. But- whats that near the end?? “ the pathological neural synchrony associated with epileptic seizures”. Epileptic seizures. Let’s put that away for later.

The synchronisation of pendulums (pendulum clocks, metronomes) placed on the same (wooden) surface even if started at antiphase will eventually become in phase with eachother BUT: synchonizing in phase causes the pendulums in the clocks to slow down, so they lose time (multiple seconds an hour) but- they way they synchronize is dependent on several things(mechanisms in the clock, length and thickness of the surface they're on,etc etc.) but basically- with a SMALL amount of damping (loss of energy in an oscillating system) the clocks with synchronize in phase, with a large amount of it they will be antiphase. clocks synchronizing in antiphase has been called sympathetic motion or the sympathy of clocks (not empathy).

Synchronization in itself is a pretty artistic thing, beautiful and connected. It shows up everywhere- including something called neural synchrony. neural synchrony is basically when two people interact or communicate, their brain rythms/waves synchronize, couple, create matching patterns. You understand eachother. this is seen a lot more in romantic couples or people who are close together, child-parent relationships(especially as infants) and the such. Not usually seen in strangers. the brain to brain synchronization happens in the temporal-parietal part of the brain. The way will makes himself think like killers- to the point sometimes he feels like he becomes them- is definitely neural synchrony. Why he can do that so easily with strangers, who may have never even met? Who knows; but at least we know all kills leave behind a part of the killer, a part of their psyche, and not always just a message. Basically, Will's whole metronome thing is symbolic of him synchronizing mentally(and neurologically! Very cool) with the killers. This may have been way too much work for something that is a bit obvious, but it’s very interesting to unravel.

I’m not sure how I started with picking apart clocks and metronomes in relation to Hannibal (in the book), and ended up with a conclusion about Will (in the show), but I did! I can’t say much more on this for now as I haven’t finished the book, and Will has yet to show up.

Now, that thing we put away for later.

Neural synchrony is also associated with epileptic seizures. Neuron firing tends to become synchronous/hypersynchronous in the middle of a seizure.

I wanted to go more into Will's encephalitis and seizures related to this- but those are only a thing in the TV show, so I cant connect it quite as well. I can share the things I did find out, though, so if anyone is interested to see that please let me know! But right now, I'm too researched out to put it all together, and that's mainly why I'm not including it here now. All in all- we all know Hannibal knows all that psychiatry stuff and is crazy smart and crazy insane, so here is a bit of the science of it and how it all loosely connects to the books. And, of course as someone who values beauty and art, he would become obsessed with Will upon seeing how effortlessly he can achieve that synchronicity with others- especially those who think similarly to him. Honorable mention to Eldon Stammets.

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my-mt-heart · 2 years ago

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Long ask sorry.

Im a bit lost honestly. I watched the caryl scenes of 11.21 and im conflicted. I refuse to watch the "donnie" scenes especially since if u look at comments on youtube lots of people are like "oh my God Donnie is happening she made him giggle i wasnt dreaming and he's so worried for her"

And then u have this reviewver saying carol's openly in love with daryl now wich uh, maybe, but, actually, no? This is still too subtle for my sanity

Yes, the fact that she mentions HIM to Maggie while in tears ("i was apart from him when we arrived" not exact quote here...) and not Zeke her supposed ex husband is telling, but from his side, nothing is really telling. And when she talked to him about Connie, i can tell u that in a way it made me worried because GA seems to believe it confirms his feelings for Connie, and the way he acts doesnt help, but at the same time it reminds me of when they were looking for Beth.

He was worried and she was there for him. And he definitely wasnt in love with Beth but he cared for her deeply. The thing is that Connie is not a teen, she's a 40 something (at least the actress is) strong bad ass woman and worrying that this time might be different than with his feelings for Beth doesnt seem ridiculous. But i see the way Carol looks at him (and honestly she has been looking at him that way, i mean not subtle at all, since stradivarius for me, Zeke never really stood a chance in the long run, Henry dead or not) and i know u believe they cant go the "she loves him he doesnt" way, but for the scenes i've seen , he's still too cold with her for me. And she's like a lost puppy who dont know how to make things go back to how they were between them and who's suffering so much with the situation and i cant anymore. I hate it

And Im lost. She definitely believes she doesnt deserve him especially after the cave incident and im sick of it. Lets say he doesnt love her back, at least stop being cold to her.

An another part of me, maybe the desillusional one, is still thinking that the fact that she really seems in love with him now cant be for nothing, with 3 episodes left, and that if he's still so much at odds with her its not for nothing either. Connie is alive, the cave incident is long forgotten and forgiven by everyone else in team family, including Connie and Kelly, the fact that he's still cold is very telling: it was never about just Connie but about trust being broken ("dont bullshit me"). We know that. But she keeps pushing him towards Connie and she takes his hand and looks at him like he's the moon and the stars and he's still kind of strange towards her. Im so lost, honestly. Im not even sure we will have answers before the end, they could still let everything open to keep both shippers for the daryl spin off. But what i want is for him to warm up to her like before. And its patethic that we have, i mean i have, to beg for it. We re talking about Caryl here. His f...ing feud with Rick was awful, but all was forgotten with a simple "i'd die for you". Cant we have something like that at least for the last season with 3 ep left between Caryl? Especially since there is no caryl spin off in sight anymore? Is that too much to ask? For Caryl, really? Its been horrible between them since 10.03 give or take some nice moments... for me anyways. And its been way too long. Im so lost. Im sorry.

Don’t be sorry. Pretty sure the intention is to make us feel anxious right now, which I know is super frustrating when there’s not a lot of runway left. Even though we’ve all had enough of the subtlety, don’t be so quick to dismiss the *many* visual cues because they still matter a lot (like SF mentioned). The physical distance we often see between them suggests there’s an emotional distance too, yes, but you have to imagine it’s something that’s going to be bridged and how do you convey that visually? With a callback to the terminus reunion maybe? That’s what I’m hoping for anyway.

As far as Daryl’s “coldness” goes, POV is also something to take note of. We’re seeing things through Carol’s eyes, which is why the Daryl and Connie beats feel played up. She thinks she broke her friendship with Daryl because she let Connie get hurt and she doesn’t want that to happen again. She doesn’t want to take away Daryl’s happiness. But like you said, the issue goes much deeper than Connie. In season 10, when we saw things through Daryl’s eyes, he was heartbroken because Carol was essentially running away from him. He asked her to follow his light and take his hand, but in a metaphorical way, she didn’t (couldn't). Now we’re seeing her reciprocate hence the light/dark imagery in 20 and the hand holding in 21. I’m glad you brought up Beth. That’s a great parallel too. They want to save somebody they couldn't save before and they're working as a team to do it.

I hope this helps a little bit. Obviously I don't know for sure what's going to happen, but I think there's reason to hope. TWD loves ship baiting, but placating Donnie fans isn’t going to do much for AMC in the end. They’re a significantly smaller sector of the fanbase than Carylers, who they’ve been profiting off of for years and still can if they give us something that’ll make us happy.

#caryl #caryl positivity #darylneedscarol

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khunsimp · 3 years ago

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Hi....Can I ask (if you don't mind), what are your top 10 favorite anime (until now)? And why do you like them? Sorry if you've already answered this question before....Thank you.....

Normally, I don't keep a permanent favorite because I watch a lot of animes since i was a child. And,when I start to like one a lot, it becomes "my favorite" in the moment. But there are certain animes that, while not necessarily the best, I was obsessed for a long time. it depends a lot on the moment I started watching it, how my mind was at the time and such. I'll name a few of these, but they're not necessarily favorites, and they're not in order. They're some that I've been obsessed with for so long that I'd look at and think about their content all the time, and until I found a new anime that made me feel like that, everything else seemed dull. (Also, I forgot a lot of animes names and all. i watched literally so much animes that i tend to forget( especially if this have just one season, since normally i watch in a day, watched, i mean, now i dont have the time;-;), and remember just when someone say its name/ show a picture of it lmao).

(Also, i will not say animes that are too new(like vanitas no carte) or ones that the adaptation wasnt good/ inferior in some way for me, but i was obsessed with the manga/manhwa, like tokyo ghoul, tower of god, promised the neverland, yuukoku no moriarty and such).

-----

Naruto( one of my firsts animes, not the best, but will always have "that spot" in my heart);

Code Geass( i watched 2 times in a roll, the plot is just so good and well written. Its keep the quality until the very end. Its well rounded for real);

Mo dao zu shi(Its actually a donghua, but still... i am until now obsessed with it, tand its novel and drama. Wei wuxian is maybe one of my favorites protagonists of all time in all kind of media). I will even do 3 tattoos with 3 quotes from it and one quote that remember them;

D gray man( i watched just because I was bored, i wasnt expecting to find, maybe, the best shounen story. Its so good. Everything is on point. D gray man hallow/ kanda and alma arc will always be something that aches my soul). Soon, my tattoo of it will be done too, ( the 14th song);

Hunter x Hunter ( one of my firsts too, like naruto, will always have a spot in my soul);

Hotarubi no mori-e ( its a anime film. Its just... i have read and watched a lot of things way more sentimental and sad , but, for some reason, this really touched me. I am someone who pretty much almost never cry( already 2 years without cry), dont matter how broken i am. But, for real, I cried and felt a pain inside me with this story. I really cant explain why. And I will never know why was that story. Tattoo for that too, i hope ;-;);

Magi ( I love it. Still sad that dont have a season 3. I read all the manga already. Its gold! The best arc is just in the manga, and its something almost level chimera ants from hunter x hunter in psychological display. Is very good);

Kamisama hajimemashita ( That anime... I never laugh so fucking much with something. Its made me laugh, made me have good feelings. This is something that I will never forget);

Assassination Classroom( Ahhh, i remember that i had a lot of fun watching it);

Noragami ( still expecting season 3, like the clown I am).

Ahhh... already 10? I could keep going forever, lmaooo, I am really bad with this kind of thing.

Let me add at least more 2 ok?

Akatsuki no yona ( amazing!!!! Soo won, yona, jae ha, everyone... Its gold! How dare them not give more seasons to it? );

Your lie in april( amazing, will destroy your soul, but i recommend ).

(Ok, i will stop here, or i will add more. Like no.6,umibe no etranger, violet evergarden, Akagami no Shirayukihime, kyoukai no kanata, bunny girl senpai... ok, i stop, i stop! 🤣)

(Also, sorry. I am normally very rational with everything in my life, except the media I like. I didnt give proper and rational remarks about why I like them because they just... catch me without me knowing why). I would be lying if i say that I like something just because the plot is amazing, for example, because even when i find some with better plot in the same time, i will still prefer the one that catch me).

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seeyoumondaydevi · 3 years ago

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Now that they're official, what do you see Paxton and Devi’s relationship dynamic looking like next season? In terms of dates, PDA, studying together, physical stuff, conversations, dinner with each other’s families (Nalini PLEASE warm up to Paxton thank you), sex, fights, etc? I personally thought Paxton falling asleep on Devi at the relay was an adorable touch and I hope we see them cuddling up next season or lying on each other’s laps and things like that. It’s also pretty clear that they really really like making out with each other lol :) and I’m wondering if they’ll take that to second base or further next season. It’s interesting to think about– they’re such a fun, unique couple and I'm a sucker for teen romances with body language! I also think that regarding sex, it could definitely be hilarious to contrast Devi's total inexperience with Paxton's plentiful experience, but based on how much he genuinely likes her I think he'd be totally okay taking things slow for a change.

I'm also wondering if Devi will open up to Paxton about her therapy and how much she's been going through mentally. It'd also be neat to see her encourage Paxton to trust more people with Rebecca, and for him to talk more about how affected he was over her being bullied and how it's made him overprotective. I still think that Devi is very starstruck by Paxton and still sees him as her Superman, whereas he likes her more for who she is and how happy she makes him. I hope there's a turning point where she starts to see him as a human being rather than a celebrity figure but that's hard after so many years of obsessing over someone.

Hey anon! I reallyy like this ask alot <3

I personally don't think they will have a smooth start? I feel like they are going to be exposed to a LOT of gossip and looks especially how Paxton's friends looked at him for getting with a girl who cheated on him. But now I'm glad that doesn't stop Paxton from making Devi his public girlfriend, so that shouldn't stop him from public display of affection either. So we might see both of them in a public relationship but getting judged at the same time? But I really want them to hold hands (which I'm very sure they will) random hugs by the lockers, pecks before class but I don't know we'll see. Give me Paxton hugging Devi from the back when she's taking her books out from her locker.

I will riot if season 3 doesn't give us Daxton study dates and then Paxton just teasing her with his "bedroom eyes" them makin jokes about random facts.. physical stuff, I'm sure we are gonna see them make out more and maybe have a conversation about sex? Paxton wanting to take things slow because I believe Devi is his first actual girlfriend also I can totally picture Devi saying something weird due to lack of experience but Paxton just finding it endearing which makes it adorable AF.. and about fights.. I honestly don't know. Don't come at me okay but I think Nalini can warm up to Paxton, but I don't think she can warm up to Paxton and Devi dating, which could be a problem for them in season three. See well, I have an Indian mother who is literally Nalini but a hundred times more Nalini(if that makes sense). She lost it when I made a few guy friends. She yelled at me for talking to guys even if it was for a group project.. now she slowly warms up to my guy friends... but if I ever dated. SHE'D HAVE ME AND MY HYPOTHETICAL BOYFRIEND BURRIED. Also Devi isn't allowed to date until she's old enough to rent a car... so I don't think she'll take it well even if she's warmed up to Paxton (even though I want her too smh) ANON YES, I've replayed that way too much. Give me daxton cuddles , them lying on each others laps, falling asleep on shoulders and yes lmfao they really enjoy making out with each other, and I quote "you are very good at kissing" lol I love Devi complements him when she's breaking things off with him. Devi mostly might open up to Paxton? I feel like she would because she has in season 1 (about how she saw her dad in a coyote, her temper, culture and how people don't think she's Indian enough etc, how she thinks people are done with her) also Paxton is a VERY good listener so I can see her opening up to him. Plus he also says the right things to calm her down or cheer her up so I really want her too but if the writers decide to ruin them... I dont know.

True, we've only seen becca in the house. I wanna see her with other people. I wanna know how she reacts when Paxton tells her Devi is his girlfriend. I wanna see her and Devi roasting Paxton. I also want to see more of protective Paxton. I loved it when he opened up to her about how his sister was bullied and I do wanna see more of that.

Yeah I get what you're saying. She did think he was WAY out of her league and she's enchanted by him.. but I feel like the whole point of HER breaking things off with him was to show that she isn't anymore? I don't mean she doesn't have feelings for him.. she isn't gonna take any crap he gives her just because SHE THINKS he's a boy way out of her league. Like every time he makes a move, Devi is in SHOCK or wonderstruck (ahh I randomly remembered how 'enchanted' by Taylor suits so well with them) .

I also have a whole list of other things I want to see with Daxton in season 3. Paxton calming Devi down, helping her appreciate her culture more. Devi taking part in some Japanese event. Paxton teaching Devi two or three words in Japanese (IMAGINE IF DEVI WANTS TO SAY "I love you" first and she says it in Japanese). I want them to watch T.V shows together, have inside jokes so much more but I guess we'll have to see lol.

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mixxdpunch · 1 year ago

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There's a hurricane that's cutting off my internet BUT NOTHING WILL STOP ME !!! So i will continue this goofy tag game no matter what

Also I'm lazy and made myself but as a cat girl. Because I can. :3

I'm gonna copy and past from you cause going back and forth is hell on earth btw so hope u don't mind the length ejhehehehehs

hardcover or paperback // bookstore or library // bookmark or receipt // stand alone or series // nonfiction or fiction // thriller or fantasy // friends to lovers or enemies to lovers // read in bed or read on the couch // read at night or read in the morning // keep pristine or markup // cracked spine or dog ear (Sorry you would HATE me)

APPEARANCE

i’m over 5’5” // i wear glasses/contacts // i have blonde hair // i prefer loose clothing to tight clothing // i have one or more piercings // i have at least one tattoo // i have blue eyes // i have dyed or highlighted my hair (that was like a LONG time ago though, i hated the texture its a nightmare) // i have gotten plastic surgery // i have or had braces // i sunburn easily // i have freckles // i paint my nails // i typically wear make-up (just my eyebrows, i am akutagawa) // i don’t often smile // i am pleased with how i look // i prefer nike to adidas // i wear baseball hats backwards

HOBBIES AND TALENTS

i play a sport // i can play an instrument // i am artistic // i know more than one language (ok i can like speak technically 2 languages other than English but im like at the level of a baby. i can swear at you and ask you for milk) // i have won a trophy in some sort of competition // i can cook or bake without a recipe // i know how to swim // i enjoy writing // i can do origami // i prefer movies to tv shows // i can execute a perfect somersault (i cant even swim dawg)// i enjoy singing // i could survive in the wild on my own // i have read a new book series this year // i enjoy spending time with friends // i travel during school or work breaks // i can do a handstand

RELATIONSHIP

i am in a relationship // i have been single for over a year (almost but tbh that's a doozy) // i have a crush // i have a best friend i have known for ten years // my parents are together // i have dated my best friend // i am adopted // my crush has confessed to me //i have a long distance relationship // i am an only child // i give advice to my friends (it's really bad dont listen to it) // i have made an online friend // i met up with someone i have met online

AESTHETICS

i have heard the ocean in a conch shell // i have watched the sun rise // i enjoy rainy days // i have slept under the stars // i meditate outside // the sound of chirping calms me // i enjoy the smell of the beach // i know what snow tastes like // i listen to music to fall asleep (on the off occasion) // i enjoy thunderstorms // i enjoy cloud watching // i have attended a bonfire // i pay close attention to colors// i find mystery in the ocean // i enjoy hiking on nature paths //autumn is my favourite season

MISCELLANEOUS

i can fall asleep in a moving vehicle // i am the mom friend (i think i am but im probably more like the weird uncle who talks too much about creepy fun facts or true stories. but i never forget the sunscreen) // i live by a certain quote // i like the smell of sharpies // i am involved in extracurricular activities // i enjoy mexican food (chips and salsa my beloved) // i can drive manual (i cant drive lol) // i believe in true love // i make up scenarios to fall asleep // i sing in the shower // i wish i lived in a video game // i have a canopy above my bed // i am multiracial // i am a redhead // i own at least three dogs

FIVE RANDOM FACTS

I have a film degree that I still have yet to use. Life is hell

I am a dual national, although can I speak the language of my mothers country? not really lol. I can talk to cats tho.

I have an extensive vintage postcard collection of my city that goes from the 1980s to its founding in the 1900s. It's inherited but I do cherish it deeply <3

I am a can collector. My main brands are Arizona ice teas and monster energy drinks - there isn't a goal, I just like the different cans and having them around. They are weirdly sentimental now

I've been writing a fantasy series since I was 13 years old and I still have yet to do anything with it. one day i hope to finish it but uhhh its not looking too good over here

I'm gonna tag @sinnabunii @stellarr19 and anyone else who wants to go literally go for it this is a safe space

Sob.

Couldn't reblog the original anymore, but Tag game!! Tagged by @tecchous-thicc-buttocks

Picrew

They didn't really have the ability to make the hair fade to a different color or a lot of purple thingies, but I'm satisfied with the result! It's cute!

I'll also do all of em-

APPEARANCE

i’m over 5’5”(I am 5'5 and a bit does that count?) // i wear glasses/contacts // i have blonde hair // i prefer loose clothing to tight clothing (no real preference, it's not by a lot)// i have one or more piercings // i have at least one tattoo // i have blue eyes // i have dyed or highlighted my hair // i have gotten plastic surgery // i have or had braces // i sunburn easily // i have freckles // i paint my nails // i typically wear make-up // i don’t often smile (tis the tism) // i am pleased with how i look (smash /j nah I'm like decently happy)// i prefer nike to adidas (what even are brands, I like neither) // i wear baseball hats backwards

HOBBIES AND TALENTS

i play a sport // i can play an instrument // i am artistic // i know more than one language // i have won a trophy in some sort of competition // i can cook or bake without a recipe // i know how to swim // i enjoy writing // i can do origami (the very basic ones)// i prefer movies to tv shows (neither!)// i can execute a perfect somersault (thank you PE classes I hate you with a passion)// i enjoy singing (I do sound like a dying cat tho)// i could survive in the wild on my own // i have read a new book series this year // i enjoy spending time with friends (my very limited bubble, the rest are a chore) // i travel during school or work breaks // i can do a handstand (not without a wall tho)

RELATIONSHIP

i am in a relationship // i have been single for over a year // i have a crush // i have a best friend i have known for ten years // my parents are together // i have dated my best friend // i am adopted // my crush has confessed to me //i have a long distance relationship // i am an only child // i give advice to my friends // i have made an online friend // i met up with someone i have met online

AESTHETICS

i have heard the ocean in a conch shell // i have watched the sun rise // i enjoy rainy days // i have slept under the stars // i meditate outside // the sound of chirping calms me // i enjoy the smell of the beach // i know what snow tastes like // i listen to music to fall asleep // i enjoy thunderstorms // i enjoy cloud watching // i have attended a bonfire // i pay close attention to colours (eh?) // i find mystery in the ocean // i enjoy hiking on nature paths //autumn is my favourite season (the way none of these really apply to me, sad)

MISCELLANEOUS

i can fall asleep in a moving vehicle // i am the mom friend // i live by a certain quote // i like the smell of sharpies // i am involved in extracurricular activities // i enjoy mexican food // i can drive manual // i believe in true love // i make up scenarios to fall asleep // i sing in the shower (bath) // i wish i lived in a video game // i have a canopy above my bed // i am multiracial // i am a redhead // i own at least three dogs

FIVE RANDOM FACTS

Just going to recycle 3 I've used before-

I have broken my pinkie finger because of a towel before. It was like 35° askew it was not pretty (I did not faint, somehow, but it hurt like a bitttccch)

I have low blood pressure and am prone to fainting as a result (No physical activities for me!)

I did a year of Uni Maths (Currently in the exam period) but I plan to go into Graphic Design now

And now 2 original ones:

I won 2 graduation awards at High School Prom Night (I think that's the right one? Idk Belgian school system doesn't quite translate to freedom units) as the only person to even be nominated for 2, and they were the biggest "fuck you"s they had available. They're very much plastic, but they have custom engravings!

I was a finger artist up till a month or so ago (You can probably tell by how my style has finally stabilized)

Tag time! Well... I am anxious, so really whoever wants to can go (I am a coward) ... @mixxdpunch ?

#these r so much fun

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maggielindemanns · 3 years ago

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tag nine people to learn about their interests!

TAGGING: @ijzerengels @calumthoodshands @redrattlers @thenervousduck @arzkiya-hai @kritiquer @lesbianearn @sondergf @embeddedinmybrain @vexedtonightmares @tsjernobyl @bandsanitizer @tarcyjonsson and anyone else that wants to! idk who did this or not, sorry if you already did it but you may of course ignore me.

aaaa also thank you @ottelu for the tag! love u bestie <3

MUSIC

fave genre: r&b and pop, for sure

fave artist: ariana grande, halsey, savannah ré, normani, alina baraz, kiana ledé, chloe moriondo, troye sivan, the neighbourhood, bastille, 5SOS (& luke hemmings solo !!!!!! my baby) — basically i love music, we been knew, i have so many faves i can’t pick one

fave song: rn it’s for sure ur best friend by kiana ledé ft kehlani or girl on tv by chloe moriondo

most listened to song lately: according to last.fm, it’s wild side by normani agskdhsk i do wish she released it without cardi tho i’ll die on this hill idc its fine i just skip her part

song currently stuck in your head: you right by doja cat actually and ur best friend i couldn’t stop singing those two at work

five fave lyrics (in no particular order, there’s too many i love omg)

“i know i’ll never meet your expectations / but the picture that you paint of me looks better in your mind” — high, 5SOS

“you don’t believe in one divine / but can you tell me you believe in mine? / ‘cause you’ve been my god, my god / and when you’re gone i’m godless, i’m godless” — godless, banks

“you’re the only one, you’re the only one / i’m so wrapped up in a daze / hoping this is just a phase / but when all is said and done / i know you are still the one” — the only one, the black keys

“i get lost inside all the stars in your eyes, it’s a galaxy / you control the tide like the moon in the sky, you’re the gravity” — more than enough, alina baraz

“standing there, you look at me / understanding everything / yeah, it’s so fascinating / you patch up the blood and the cuts / but our blood got mixed up / so i guess we belong to each other” — love song, yungblud

BOOKS

fave book genre: idk i prefer like YA novels and romance i guess but idc really, i just don’t like fantasy stuff like harry potter or . historical fiction?? i guess you could call it?? (tried to read pride and prejudice for leisure ……….. boring as fuck like holy shit) or science fiction like boring boring boring idc no offense to anyone that loves it of course

fave writer: don’t have one really

fave book: aaaaaa i don’t have one of these either !! the one that always comes to mind though is giovanni’s room, but i just love that book, it was brilliant

fave series: mmmm i don’t really like series but caro’s got me into reading trc so i guess that’ll be my fave series once i’m done!

comfort book: rwrb <3

fave book to read on a rainy day: giovanni’s room sgsjdhsj i literally reread it bc it has some of my fave lines ever

fave characters: adam parrish, blue sargent, ronan lynch, gansey but he on thin ice, ari and dante, aiden navarro, alex claremont-diaz, charlie and nick (actually . everyone in heartstopper except the characters that are a plague <3), and more that i cannot think of most likely

five fave book quotes: (again no particular order i love so many)

“My dear fellow, you forget that we are in the native land of the hypocrite.” || “The world is changed because you are made of ivory and gold. The curves of your lips rewrite history.” — the picture of dorian gray, oscar wilde

“topography on the map of you, a world i’m still charting.” — red, white, and royal blue, casey mcquiston

“It is cruel to have made me want to live only to make my death more bloody.” || “I loved him. I do not think that I will ever love anyone like that again.” || “And here my baby came indeed, through all that sunlight, his face flushed and his hair flying, his eyes, unbelievably, like morning stars.” || “And there’s something awful about being at the mercy of a stranger.” — giovanni’s room, james baldwin (ik i cheated so bad w this SHUSH)

“And then I think we all realized what fools we’d been. We might get out sometime, but she was locked up forever in that body.” — girl, interrupted, susanna kaysen

“You and I, we don’t walk the lines. We just follow the echoes.” || “My mother used to say, ‘Don’t throw compliments away, so long as they’re free.’” His face was very earnest. “That one wasn’t meant to cost you anything, Blue.” — the raven boys, maggie stiefvater

TV & MOVIES

fave tv/movie genres: coming of age, romance (ehhh to some degree), i like indie movies, idk same as books i dont like science fiction, historical stuff, or fantasy im boring okay

fave movie: dont have one tbh

comfort movie: speech and debate or easy a

movie you watch every year: dont have one

fave tv show: dear white people or skam + remakes, i like other ones tho like stranger things

comfort show: skamverse <3 not exactly an answer but mhm

most rewatched tv show: skamverse or dear white people OR THE FOSTERS …. dude …….. i used to watch that all day every day then they took it off netflix …. now it’s dance moms i play for background noise and watch on occasion

five favorite characters: lionel higgins, joelle brooks, olive penderghast, lucas lallemant, eleonora sava, fallon carrington, howie (speech and debate), connor walsh, annalise keating, wes gibbins, archie coleman, ellie chu, beth harmon, lara jean covey (yes here i am overlisting again i’m so sorry)

#tag game #this was long but i enjoyed i havent done one of these in a while so yeehaw #its also been in my drafts for days rip sorry i know i got tagged eons ago

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toplinetommy · 4 years ago

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You Bring the Moon and Stars to Me (Part Five) - Tyson Jost

Synopsis: A Soulmate!AU where your soulmark only appears once you fall in love with your soulmate

Words: 7.3k

Warnings: mentions of injury

a/n: type of injury is purely speculation since the details were never released, also his injury happened at an away game but for the sake of the story let’s pretend it was a home game. im thinking there will be 3 more parts but dont quote me on that and ofc feedback is always welcome, i hope you enjoy!

Part One | Part Two | Part Three | Part Four

January 2019 - Loveland, CO

It was like the second you had Tyson back, he was gone again. The day they got back from their Eastern Canada road trip, he was on his way to Loveland to start working with the Eagles. He hadn’t been able to spend much time with you, his schedule being just as hectic as always. Especially with the additions of the extra workouts Tyson had started to partake in. You rarely saw his car in the driveway of the Rookie House when you were over at Caitlyn and Jack’s.

His hair had been extra messy the last night you saw him the day he went back down to Loveland for the first time this season. You assumed it was due to his hands continuously pulling at it from being stuck in his head about his new playing situation. Since then, the image of your best friend being down in the dumps hadn’t left your mind. Throughout the time of knowing Tyson, you only really knew him as the cheery guy with a smile on his face 24/7. He was the most strong-willed person you had ever known.

A week and a half later and he still hadn’t seen any NHL ice time, still working his ass off at the AHL level to earn his roster spot back. You’re sitting in one of the many conference rooms at your office, listening to an executive give their monthly project updates when your phone rings. You see Tyson’s face covering your screen, begging to answer his FaceTime. You hit the lock button on your phone, stopping the vibrations, and turn your phone over, turning your attention back to the presentation in front of you.

The vibration stops momentarily before it starts again, to which you ignore. The third time your phone rings, you know it must be important, so you excuse yourself as you push out of your rolling chair and leave the room.

As you slide to answer, Tyson’s face pops up onto the screen. His hair is wet and the lighting is terrible, so you assume he had just showered at the practice facility.

“What did you need? I was in a meeting.”

“Sorry, I’ll be quick. I know I was supposed to come over to your place later for my pre-game meal but I’m really tired,” He whines.

“And you couldn’t have just texted me that?” You ask a sharp bite to your tone. He knew you worked the third Saturday of every month. He had even admitted to you one time that he’d check your Snapchat location to see where you were when you weren’t answering, so you were even more confused when he called not once, but three times.

“I need a favor, I’m gonna take a nap on one of the guy’s couches. Can you bring me my game-day suit?”

“Sure, just text me the time you need it by and the address,” You agree. “I really need to go, though, so I’ll text you later.”

“Thank you, Y/n! Love you.”

You spit out a quick ‘love you’ before hanging up and shoving your phone into your dress pants pocket before walking back into the meeting and apologizing about the disruption.

You park your car in Caitlyn’s driveway before making a bee-line across the street towards the Rookie House. You lift your hand to knock on the door before you remember Tyson telling you that no one was home and you needed to find the spare key. You jog down the stairs to his bedroom in search of his game-day suit.

You look on his bed, which is a mess and un-made, causing you to roll your eyes, not seeing the suit he said he had laid out this morning when he left for practice. You move to his closet, hoping to see a suit in the front that had been previously picked out, but still no luck.

Instead of shooting him a text or calling him to ask where it is, you let your hands slowly pass over the multiple blazers he has hanging up. Your hand lands on a navy blue blazer with slightly exaggerated lapels, being unfamiliar with it you pull it out. Granted, you rarely say Tyson in suits, and even when you did you always noticed his love for different shades of grey. You smile to yourself as you pull it out and lay it over the bed smoothly before going back to his closet to find a dress-shirt to match.

A few minutes later you have a white-shirt with small polka dots on it picked out with his navy suit. Alongside that, you picked out his brown belt and grabbed his brown dress shoes, and started looking for a pair of socks. You pull open all of his drawers, finally finding the one that holds his socks and you end grabbing a pair of simple grey ones.

You set the suit and shoes in the back seat of your car once your back at Caitlyn’s before she’s walking out in a Colorado crewneck and jumping into your passenger seat.

“Can you look for a place we can get dinner after I drop this off to Tyson?” You ask of her as she buckled her seatbelt and you back out of her driveway. The two of you make banter and eventually find a wing place to eat as you drive down the highway to Loveland.

Once you arrive at the apartment Tyson had texted you the address of, you’re climbing up the stairs to the front door, suit, and shoes in hand, before rapping at the door. You kind of knew you were cutting it close with his suit delivery, so you were anxiously tapping your foot as you waited for the door to swing open.

Tyson opens the door a tired look on his face as he’s taking a bite of what you see is a home-made sandwich. “You’re a lifesaver.” He groans, stepping to the side to let you in.

“It’s not a problem,” You assure, folding over the suit over the tops of your arms. “Here’s your suit.”

“Where’s the one I had laid out?” He asked confused as he reaches for your outstretched arms to take his clothes from you. You knit your eyebrows in confusion as you think back to how you didn’t see a suit set out anywhere in his room.

“There was no suit laid out in your room, which is a mess by the way,” You point out quickly. “So I just picked one out from your closet, I hope you don’t mind.”

“Thank you,” Tyson smiles, rubbing his thumbs over the lapel of the blazer. The image of you browsing through his closet popped into his mind, a rather domestic image that caused his smile to grow wider. The thought of you doing that without being asked to caused butterflies to slight erupt in his stomach and his cheek started to heat up with the thoughts racing through his mind.

“I think you need some new socks, all of them were so boring.” Tyson laughs at your statement. “Get some striped ones or ones with polka dots, I don’t know, just not plain grey and black ones.”

He nods his heads stifling a laugh at your odd request before the owner of the apartment appears from a hallway in his suit. Tyson quickly introduces the two of you before he’s pushing you out the door so he can get dressed and head to the game. As you turn your body to head back to your car, Tyson stops you.

“I have exciting news before you go.”

“Yeah?”

“This is my last game,” He beams, his eyes squinting from how wide his smile is. “I’m playing against Vancouver after the all-star break in a few days.”

You shriek at the news your best friend is sharing with you, “Oh my God! That’s amazing!” You open your arms welcoming Tyson in a congratulatory hug. “Told you you were a superstar,” you whisper as you pull away. The two of you share a soft look before you finally let go of your friend saying you’ll see him later.

You and Caitlyn are sitting in the lower bowl of the Budweiser Event Center, enjoying your beers and each other’s company while also focusing on the two teams in front of you. The both of you had agreed how nice it was to be back at a hockey game, both of you not being able to attend any in a little over a month with how busy you were. It was especially nice seeing Tyson play, you could see the jump in his body as he floated around the ice seamlessly.

It’s late in the game when it happens. Tyson’s skating down the far half-wall about to cross the blue line to enter the zone with the puck when an opposing player plows through his lonesome figure, sending him into the wall with a very loud thud. You gasp, leaning forward in your seat and reaching out for Caitlyn’s hand. You watch him as he stands up, grateful for the fact that he’s even able to do that quickly given the harshness of the hit, but watch him as he skates away back to the bench slowly.

He immediately walks down the tunnel to the locker rooms and you lean in your seat further, bringing your free hand to your face to bite on your cuticles out of nervousness. Caitlyn squeezing your hand combined with the loud voice over the arena speakers announcing the penalties brings you back down to earth. Your fingers stay at your lips for a moment longer until the sudden urge to scratch at your elbow envelops your mind.

“Hey, he’s probably fine and just got the wind knocked out of him.” Caitlyn reasons. You both know she has no idea what she’s talking about, but the thought behind it is welcomed. The remainder of the game feels like a lifetime as you anxiously check your phone for texts from Tyson, tweets from the team, anything that may give you insight on what’s happened.

At the same time as the final buzzer sounding throughout the arena, your phone vibrates in your hand where you’re holding it tightly. A text from Tyson pops up.

Tyson: im okay

Tyson: sorry it took so long to text you i was going through concussion protocol

Y/N: so you’re fine?!

Tyson: no

Tyson: i have a concussion

You groan at the response, showing Caitlyn your conversation before typing out a response saying you’ll meet him by the locker room shortly.

Tyson emerges from the locker room, holding an ice pack to his left shoulder. Upon seeing the ice pack, your shoulders drop out of sympathy for him and you feel a pang in your chest. As he approaches you, head down to avoid the bright, white, LED lights in the hallway, you let out a low ‘Tyson’.

“Hey.”

“You said you just got a concussion,” you point to the icepack on his shoulder.

“It just hurts.” He winces, eyebrows knitting in pain. You give him a side-hug, careful to not aggravate his shoulder.

“I, uh, I’m going to need a ride back to Denver,” Tyson starts. “I can’t drive.”

You rub his good shoulder, trying to comfort him as you look back towards Caitlyn. “Can you drive my car home and I’ll drive his car home? You can just park it at your house.”

Caitlyn agrees, the three of you walking out to the parking garage making small talk before you go your separate ways. The hour-long drive is spent in quiet, Tyson leaning his head against the window with his eyes closed for the most of it. He only lifts his head when he feels the car drive over the junction between the black asphalt of the street and the concrete of his driveway.

The two of you walk into his home, him instantly making way down the stairs to his bedroom while you opt to go to the kitchen to get the both of you glasses of water. Another few moments pass before you decide to venture down to his room.

He’s in the dark, only his bathroom light illuminating his vast bedroom. He’s laying on his back in the middle of the bed, his legs dangling off the edge. He groans a little at the noise of your feet padding along the hardwood before sitting up and leaning back on his hands.

“You feeling okay?” You ask, moving to sit down next to him and hand him the other glass of water.

“I’m fine,” He mumbles and you know he’s just processing the injury and everything going on with his career so you stay quiet, letting him be the one to decide when to speak. Instead, you too lean back on your hands, resting yours right next to Tyson’s, pinkies touching. His hand flinches at the touch but he doesn’t move away.

“I just can’t catch a break it seems,” He breathes out barely above a whisper. He lays back onto the bed, falling into the fluffy comforter and rubs his face with hands.

“Tys,” you drag out. You twist your body around, tucking your legs underneath you on the bed to face him. There’s a pull in your body that wants you to reach out and move his hands from his face or even put a reassuring hand on his thigh but something in you stops you. “Things like this happen to everyone, you just have to get healthy and play just like you were when you got the call saying you were going back to the Avs.”

“But if I would’ve just been skating with my head up I could’ve avoided the hit.”

“That guy absolutely blew into you, I don’t think much would’ve stopped him from doing that. It was a dirty hit and he knows it.”

Tyson mumbles out an ‘I guess’ before sitting up abruptly with a groan. “You want ice cream? I want ice cream.” He decides, standing up and reaching out for you. You grab his hand, standing up from his couch and following him up the stairs to the kitchen.

“I didn’t think you health nuts even knew what ice cream was.” You joke, trying to lighten the mood. Throughout the whole time you knew Tyson and his roommates, the most unhealthy thing you had seen them eat were chocolate almond butter cups and those were from Whole Foods so it barely counted as junk food in your eyes. Tyson pulls out a pint of ice cream and you look to inspect it, noting the words ‘dairy-free’ on it.

You roll your eyes, “I take that back because of course you have the ice cream that’s considered healthy.”

Tyson laughs at you as he grabs two spoons from the drawer across the kitchen from you. He smiles instead of responding right away, and your face mirrors him, a large smile now playing at your lips.

He places the two spoons on the island next to the pint, going to the edge of the kitchen and turning the light off so the only light in the kitchen is the light from the entryway and the light on off the back door creeping through the large kitchen windows. Tyson takes a seat next to you on the barstool opening the ice cream and digging his spoon in.

The two of you eat the first few bites in silence before Tyson sticks his spoon into the pint one last time. “Thanks for coming tonight.”

“Of course, I do have one request though.” You start, Tyson raising his eyebrows in curiosity. “Can I help pick out your suits more often? That was fun.”

“That just means me bugging you more about my colorblindness, ya know.” He jokes. “But, I’ll take it.”

“I think you need to incorporate more prints into your closet, all of your suits are so plain.”

“I have two striped ones, what are you talking about?” He asks incredulously with a laugh.

You put your spoon in your mouth, eating the bit of soupy ice cream that’s still left. As you chew you mentally go through his closet. “Yeah, but you need some plaids and checks.”

“We’ll see about that.”

You laugh at his inability to stray away from solids, even though you’ve seen him in some crazy printed t-shirts before. You dig your spoon in the ice cream for one more bite before clasping the lid back on. Tyson moves to put it back in the freezer, but you stop him and do it yourself, also placing the two spoons in the dishwasher.

“So, what’s next?” You ask, talking about the next steps of his concussion injury and training.

Tyson leans back in his chair, running one of his hands through the hair on the back of his head. “Pretty much just rest until it goes away, then play some more in Loveland, then hopefully get the call to come back to Denver full-time.”

You watch him as he speaks from across the kitchen, focused on the softness and uncertainty in his voice. He was not only in physical pain from the hit a few hours prior, but also clearly mentally beating himself up. Tyson was one of the hardest workers you had ever met. He was someone that went to practice early and stayed late if it meant more ice-time and reps, someone that put in those extra miles on his morning runs, someone that watched and studied game-tape until his eyes were strained from the blue light of the screen. Knowing how hard he worked day in and day out only made your heart ache more at the circumstances the brunette found himself in.

You walk quietly over back to Tyson, standing next to him where he’s sitting. He turns around to gaze up at your face before you begin speaking.

“You’re the hardest worker I know, I believe in you.”

Tyson, in a moment of both vulnerability and bravery, lens his head forward and rests his head on your chest. You’re surprised by his actions and your movements are stuttered before you wrap your arms around his neck and run a hand through his curls. He lets out a hum, his eyes fluttering shut at the newfound comfort you’re giving him.

The two of you stand for a few more moments, reveling in the contact and the quietness surround you due to the late night and emptiness of the home. Your eyes glance to the clock, noting how late it’s gotten. You want to pull away to tell him you should head home soon, your breathing starting to slow due to being tired. Your early work morning combined with the whirlwind events that happened over the past two hours pushed your mind to the point of exhaustion.

However, you don’t move away, knowing this is what your best friend needs most right now. The feeling of comfort and being with someone that knew him as deeply as you did being something he desperately needed. An itch on your elbow pulls you out of your thoughts and Tyson whines when you slightly pull away to scratch at it, to which you chuckle.

“I had an itch,” You pause, leaning back away from Tyson so he has to sit up straight. “And besides, it’s starting to get late. I should head home soon.”

Tyson doesn’t whine again but slouches his shoulders and puffs out his lower lip, giving you a puppy dog look that you haven’t seen much when he’s sober. “Please stay.”

The request surprises you. Sure, the two of you are insanely close, but the two of you never really had sleepovers due to your schedules and only ever stayed over on drunken nights when it was an easy decision to make. Come to think of it, the last time you guys even slept in the same house was before you dated Aiden, when you shared a hotel room at the Landeskog wedding.

You contemplate the thought, being one that usually didn’t mind driving home at the late hours of the night. His eyes were puffy, a sure sign from how tired he’s been lately, the scrape underneath it from his visor bright red, and his overall aura was screaming please, so you give in. “I need sweatpants then.” you motion to the jeans adorning your legs and he jumps up.

“You got it.”

You follow him down the stairs back to his bedroom and watch him move around his room, cleaning up some of the mess and tossing you a pair of sweats.

Once you reemerge from the ensuite bathroom, you see Tyson laying down in bed, covers up to his armpits. He turns his head towards you then pats the emptiness beside him, gesturing for you to lay down. He’s got this dopey look on your face that melts your heart and you smile, holding your jeans to your chest tightly.

“I can sleep on the couch, it really isn’t a big deal.”

“It isn’t but why sleep on the couch when there’s a perfectly comfy spot for you in a bed?” He jokes. You can barely see his facial features now that you’ve turned the bathroom light off and you flip the flashlight on on your phone, being careful not to shine it towards his face. You smile nervously as you set your jeans down by your shoes at the foot of the bed and carefully climb into bed next to him.

“Maybe leave a little room for a girl, jeez,” You comment, trying to maneuver around Tyson’s sprawled out body. You miss the way he rolls his eyes as he dramatically pulls his body into a plank-like position. You set your phone down on the dresser next to you before getting comfortable despite the anxiety you’re starting to feel. Your stomach shouldn’t be in knots right now, should it?

“I know I said it before, but I really appreciate you coming tonight.” Tyson starts, sighing out a large breath of air. He’s twiddling his fingers in front of him, occasionally bringing them to his lips to bite on his hangnails. “It means a lot having someone by my side through all of this. It can be hard talking to Kerfy and JT sometimes.”

You turn your body to face him, still leaving a substantial amount of space between the two of you in the expanse of his king-sized bed. “That’s what best friends are for, Tys. Don’t ever hesitate to talk to me. It can be about anything, hockey, family, music, whatever you want and I’ll listen. Just know that you can talk to JT and Alexander too, they’ve been in your shoes being in the AHL and they just want to see you back with them just as much as the rest of us. Well, maybe not more than your family and me. We’re your biggest fans.”

“Biggest fans, eh?” he quirks an eyebrow up.

“Yeah, didn’t you know? We’re all in a group chat and it’s called Tyson Jost’s Fan Club. We just send pictures of you back and forth.” You joke, causing a loud, boisterous laugh to escape from Tyson’s mouth.

“You’ve never even talked to any of them besides my Grandpa, shut up.” He lets out once he’s calmed down from laughing, a loud yawn following.

“We should go to sleep, it’s been an exhausting day for both of us.”

“But I’ve missed talking to you.” He admits. And honestly, the statement has you thinking. This probably is the most time the two of you have spent alone together in months, so you give in and talk with him about anything and everything until he suddenly stops responding and you see his mouth droop open with heavy breaths of air coming out.

Sleep didn’t find you as easily, though, as you gazed at your best friend across the bed, thoughts consumed your brain. The two of you had nowhere near a physically affectionate friendship and all of the small touches and long gazes that happened throughout the day have a smile forming on your lips as you continue to look at the brunette in front of you. Yeah, the two of you laid soft touches on the other but it was usually when you had alcohol in your system or when you were especially tired. The look he gave you in the kitchen moments prior is what stuck with you as you drifted off to sleep.

The next few days for Tyson were spent just like that night. You would go over there after work and stay until you headed home later that night. As the days passed those late-night drives were spent with more and more yawns but it was worth it if it meant seeing Tyson and keeping him company.

That was until today. You had gotten behind on your project at work from being at Tyson’s so much recently so you had told him last night when you left his house that you’d see him in a few days. As your phone rang during your lunch break with Tyson’s face filling the screen, you should’ve known what he was about to say was coming.

“Please come over later, I’m going insane being by myself. The guys don’t get back from the all-star break until Friday and I can’t look at any screen or sleep because of my concussion so I need you to entertain me.” Tyson rushes out.

“Aren’t you supposed to see the team doctors today?” You ask confusedly. It was barely 1:30 in the afternoon so you thought he would be at the training facility still.

“I already did, I still have a concussion,” Tyson confirms. “I just have to go back every other day to get checked. They said it’s looking better and it’s less serious than they thought which is good.”

“Yeah, that’s good,” you nod. You really do want to see him later, getting used to seeing him every day for the past few days. Part of you knows that one day won’t hurt either of you and that you know you’ll just be at his place tomorrow, but something in your mind is telling you to go over there after work. “If I come over later, I’m bringing my laptop, I need to get some stuff done to prepare for a meeting I have on Thursday.”

“That’s fine, I’ll order us food even, as a thank you.”

You want to argue with him, not wanting him to spend his money on you but the two of you have had that conversation a hundred different times all ending with the same result. You usually said you made ‘big girl’ money and were proud of it to which he said he was proud too, but he also made ‘big boy’ money and had enough leftover to comfortably spend it on his closest friends.

“Sounds perfect,” You smile. “My lunch break is about to end, so I have to go but I’ll text you when I leave later.”

Tyson says goodbye and the rest of your workday flies by and next thing you know, you’re pulling your car into Tyson’s driveway. You see the garage open so you walk thought it, closing it as you enter the door inside. Once your dinner is consumed the two of you migrate to the living room couch where you pull your laptop on your lap to start working on your meeting notes.

“What’re you doing?” Tyson inquires, leaning towards you to get a better look at your screen.

“I have a meeting to kick-off a project later this week so I’m just making sure I have all of my notes done.” You explain, typing away at the keyboard. “It’s a bigger one, so there are a lot more steps and handoffs and stuff you might not understand.”

“No, tell me, I wanna know.” He urges, scootching his body closer to yours so your thighs touch. As he stops moving, you think of how easy it would to just fall into him and rest your head against the broadness of his chest. You focus more on the screen in front of you, dimming the brightness so it doesn’t hurt Tyson’s eyes and explain it to him. Before long, his head plops onto your shoulder, snores escaping his slightly ajar mouth. You gaze at him, noticing the cut that was once bright red on his cheekbone is now just a scratch and you reach out to run your finger over it. He stirs at the touch, and you freeze out of panic before focusing back on your laptop and continuing to work.

The stillness around you makes your eyes start to droop and you slowly start to slouch more and more on the couch before resting your head atop Tyson’s and joining him in sleep.

Your phone ringing on full-volume next to you pulls you from your sleep. You see Caitlyn’s name as you grab it and slide to answer the phone.

“Are you still at Tyson’s? I was closing my garage and saw your car across the street.” She asked in way of a greeting.

“Uh, yeah, we fell asleep.” You say, voice groggy and laced with sleep. You open your eyes more, looking to Tyson’s still sleeping figure and noticing the movement the two of you have made. His head isn’t on your shoulder anymore, as it fell in his sleep to use your chest as a cushion. His hand that’s closer to you is draped across your thigh the other outstretched along the couch. “What time is it?”

“Almost 10:30. Wait, what do you mean we? Like, you and Tyson sleeping together?” She asks, almost in a shriek-like voice. Your body jumps awake at the notification of how late it’s gotten, Tyson sliding off your body from the movement.

“I was working and he fell asleep next, well on me, and then I fell asleep. Shit, I didn’t think I’d fall asleep for this long.” You curse. Tyson stirs next to you, slowing opening his eyes and groaning at the disruption in sleep. “I gotta go though, I’ll see you tomorrow at work.”

“Who was that?”

“Caitlyn, she was confused since she saw that my car was still here.” You respond, sitting further up and moving your laptop to the coffee table in front of you. Tyson looks at his phone checking the time before letting a ‘holy shit’ seeing that it’s also pitch black outside.

“I’m gonna head out soon, I think.”

“You can stay, ya know.”

“Yeah, I know, but I don’t have any of my work stuff for tomorrow and I don’t want to have to rush around in the morning.” You explain, rubbing your hands along your thighs. You lean forward, pushing a hand through your hair to fix the mess that was caused from your nap and stand up. He sits up further on the couch before joining you in standing, a loud sigh coming from his mouth.

“I’ll still see you tomorrow though, eh?” He checks.

“Yes, I just have to make sure my work is all done since I clearly didn’t get much done here.” You laugh. He follows you to the front door of his house, unlocking and opening it for you. Once your coat is slipped on you open your arms to hug him, “Such a gentleman.”

“For you? Always” He jokes cheekily. You smile at the comment before pulling back, but Tyson doesn’t let go of you so easily. You look up at him, then back to your feet, then back up to Tyson once more.

“Okay, I really gotta go,” You yawn.

Instead of letting you go, Tyson moves one of his hands from around your shoulders to the back of your head and pulling you into him. His lips land on the curve of your forehead before he whispers out a bye. You smile and close your eyes in content at the gesture, before you walk down the sidewalk to your car, turning once to wave to your best friend. The smile didn’t leave your face the entire drive home, and you honestly probably fell asleep with the same glee-filled smile plastered onto your face thinking of the new addition of the physicality of your friendship and how you could really get used it.

February 2019 - Denver, CO

“Do you want to go get lunch together? I haven’t eaten out for lunch in so long.” Caitlyn asks, barging through your office door. You peer up at your friend, abandoning the email you’re working on in front of you.

“I actually have lunch plans with Tyson, we’re getting poke.” A slight frown playing at your lips, as you decline her offer. “What about margs sometime this week? It can be a girl’s night.”

She smiles at your suggestion nodding her head, “That sounds perfect! Do you want to go out for them or stay in?”

“Hmm,” you hum. “Let’s go out tomorrow? Taco Tuesday at Aztecas?”

“Ooo, yes! Meet there at 7?” She asks, moving further into your office and sitting in the chair on the opposite side of your desk. you nod your head in agreement, turning your focus into the computer screen in front of you again. “You’ve been spending a lot of time with him haven’t you?”

“Who?” You ask, directing your attention back to her from where you started typing at your computer again.

“Tyson.”

“Oh, yeah.” You say, quickly typing out the details of your email so you can focus on your coworker in front of you. “I guess we kinda have. When he got his concussion two weeks ago I was one of the few people that were in town with the timing of it all and stuff.”

“Every time I looked out my window, your car was in his driveway.” She notes, eyebrow quirked.

“I would just go there, like, right after work and then I’d leave when I wanted to go to bed. We would just get food and hang out, just like we used to.”

“You mean like back before you had a boyfriend?” She asks. “Like last season when you guys were always getting dinner together or like all summer when he was constantly calling you?”

As Caitlyn concludes her questions, you lean back in your office chair thinking back on the past few months. You hadn’t really paid attention to your new habits with Tyson, but you were spending way more time with him than usual, but you just thought it was the extra free time the both of you have had lately. When you were with Aiden you only saw Tyson maybe once a week and most times it was in a group setting.

“I guess, yeah.” You smile. You had thoroughly been enjoying all the time you spent with him lately, all the laughter and banter was welcomed and the two of you knew exactly what to do to annoy the other one without ever crossing a line. “Do you think we were touchy before, me and Tys?”

Caitlyn crosses one leg over the other, “I don’t think so? Like you guys were just always with one another when we were in groups. When you were drunk, though? That’s another story.”

With Caitlyn answering the question the way she did, you knew you had to address the newfound physicality and affection between you and Tyson. Before you can get into more detail on why you chose to bring that up Caitlyn asks you,

“Have you guys been more touchy lately?”

“We take naps together now, which is like, kind of a lot in a way? I don’t know,” You stop yourself, taking a deep breath as you try to gather your words to describe the feeling. “You know me, I don’t take naps but it’s like, we’ll be watching tv or something and he’ll just fall asleep and it’s not like he’s on the other side of the couch, Caitlyn. He’s right next to me and then he’s asleep with half his body weight on me and the feeling like, lulls me to sleep and we’ll wake up in the same position and not talk about it.”

Caitlyn watches you as you avoid her gaze as you talk, unsure of what she’s going to say about the new information. Especially when she was the one friend you had that really made you dig deeper as to why you felt certain things. The two of you hadn’t spent much time together outside of work lately, with her and Jack living together and you spending so much time with Tyson after his concussion.

“I also spent the night when he got hurt, like, as in I spent the night in his bed.”

“What?” She exclaims, jumping forward to the edge of her seat. “And you didn’t tell me?”

“Nothing happened,” You assure with a chuckle. “We fell asleep on opposite sides of the bed and woke up that way.” You think back to that night and how when you woke up, you would’ve assumed the two of you would’ve moved positions throughout the night, but you somehow didn’t and woke up face away from him, back inches away from his.

“How do you feel about those changes in your guys’ friendship?”

“I think I like it. Part of me kinda thinks I just like the extra attention I’m getting, but the other part just thinks that’s just how we are now, ya know?”

“I see what you mean about the just liking the extra attention part, but I think it’s just how you guys are. Even if the two of you weren’t being physically affectionate through your friendship, the two of you were still affectionate in other ways.”

What she says makes sense, as you think about all the small quirks your friendship consisted of. He was always getting you refills at parties and the bar, offering to be the one that drove, grocery shopping together, while you helped make sure he kept his room clean and urged to him to let loose with you every once in a while. He kept you young while you grounded him.

“All I know is that I haven’t even realized how much time I’ve been spending with him lately, which I’m really grateful for.” You smile softly. “He’s actually gonna be playing again in a few days I think.”

The two of you continue talking about Tyson being able to return to the team and solidify your plans for tacos and margs tomorrow before she’s bouncing out of your office.

A few days later, Tyson was thankfully cleared to play again. Spending the first few days back in Loveland before getting the call to return to Denver. A call you hoped, primarily for Tyson’s sake, that was a more-permanent decision the coaching staff had made. You hadn’t seen him much in those few days, letting him get acclimated to the pace of the NHL once again.

The three of you settle into your seats, feeling at ease from being back at the Pepsi Center for the first time since Tyson’s call-up. This time, however, you didn’t complain when Tyson offered to get the three of you tickets. You all hadn’t been able to go to any of the other games since Tyson’s call-up due to work events, Valentine’s Day, and your mom’s birthday, but as Tyson said the date didn’t matter as long as you’d come to one sooner rather than later.

It happens fast, you look from Caitlyn next to you to the ice in front of you due to an increase in cheering and you watch as Tyson catches as a pass on the edge of his blade before slapping a one-timer at the goal from the slot, goal horn sounding as the puck passes the goal line. You jump, arms thrusting in the air and loudly cheering ‘that’s my fucking best friend’ into the expanse of the crowd.

The next two periods flew by, Varlamov getting the shutout while Calvert and Agozzino added to the scoresheet. You all head out, walking towards the parking garage down the street you parked out as you send a great goal text to Tyson and telling him to call you when he gets a chance.

An hour later, when you’re back in you’re apartment getting your stuff ready for your workday tomorrow, your phone finally rings, notifying you of an incoming call from Tyson. When the facetime call connects, you see him, a wide-smile and wet curly hair all over the place.

“Hey! Great game!” You exclaim, the happiness behind your words coming though with the wide smile that’s filling your face.

“Thank you! I’m glad you guys were able to catch this game.” He smiles. His phone is shaking from him walking around his house, as you watch the background change from his kitchen to the stairwell to his bedroom before he’s plopping down onto his bed. “It was so good to score, y/n, I want to bottle that feeling.”

His eyes twinkle in the dim lighting of his room as he speaks, the sight of it making you feel more than elated for your best friend. “I’m really proud of you, I know I tell you that a lot, but you deserve feeling that way all the time, Tys.” You say softly, voice laced with sincerity.

“I just have to continue to play the way I did tonight, and then there’ll be no doubt I’m supposed to on the roster. I know my roster spot isn’t a given any night and it never will be, but I want everyone to be confident in the decision to put me in the line-up every night.” He rambles. As he speaks you’re making your way to your bathroom, ready to start your nightly routine.

You set your phone against your mirror as you put your hair into a low bun before grabbing a washcloth to wash your face. He starts talking your ears off about how happy he is to be back with the guys and the team chemistry as you finish getting ready for bed. You miss the way he looks at you as you brush your teeth since you’re too focused on the movements of your actions, but what you don’t miss is the ding on your phone with a new text message.

Once you’re done spitting out your excess toothpaste and wiping your mouth, you grab your phone and head to your bed before looking at the message. “Tyson, what did you just send me we’re literally on the phone.” You laugh before fully opening the text and seeing the picture attached. It’s a screenshot from your call taken only a few minutes ago. Tyson’s dark smiling face in the top right corner while your face fills out the screen. At first glance, it looks like an accidental screenshot but with closer examination as well as Tyson’s muffled laughs on the line, you see the toothpaste dribbling down your chin and your eyebrows are knitted with determination.

You groan loudly as you swipe back to your FaceTime call, “Tyson, I hate you.”

“No, you don’t.”

“You don’t know that, maybe I’ll just hang up and stop coming to your games” you stick your tongue out.

“No!” Tyson interrupts. “You have to at least come to my games, you’re my good luck charm now.” He pouts, mouth quivering from trying not to smile.

“Fine.” You huff, a smile cracking on your lips. The two of you talk for a little while longer, both in bed, eyes drooping and words slurred with sleep. You’re not sure when you fall asleep and you’re more unsure if you even hang up your call before you’re snoring.

You end up going to his next game two days later against Winnipeg, where he scored once again and recorded two assists. After that performance, he continued to insist that you were his lucky charm, to which you laughed and brushed off the comment.

tag list: @reavenedges-lies @oilers2997 (let me know if you wanted to be added!)

#tyson jost imagine #tyson jost #alex writes #nhl imagine #ybtmastm fic #hockey imagine #surprise!

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chasingfictions · 4 years ago

Note

6, 7 (all options listed pls) and 12 😊

Aaah here we go buds im SORRY IN ADVANCE for how long this post is, i physically Cannot Shut Up

6. What is your favorite (episode/character/season/ship)?

Just did this one in the last post :)

7. What is your least favorite (episode/character/season/ship)?

ok this is gonna be hard bc genuinely i love this whole show and so even "least favorite" is gonna be like i mean i really respect what they were doing here but, so bear with me

episode: ok this won't be a huge surprise, but i think i've only ever rewatched Seeing Red once, bc just??? it's Wrong. it's very wrong— the writers room's decision for spike shows everything that's wrong with their sexual politics, and is so OOC and triggering. And ALSO fucking hell, stop killing lesbians !!!

and also it's such a shame bc the scenes in that ep aside from those two are actually very good??? i'm just mad about it (and am currently writing a fix-it for it lmao)

character: ok this genuinely isn't a critique against him in himself, i think he's fine, but I'm gonna go with Graham for how he represents how they underutilized Forrest?

like im sorry but of the 3 initiative boys, Forrest's actor was the only one who could actually act? and then they mutilated him for Riley's pain and then Graham is the one who gets to keep showing up when the Initiative needs to appear again (even into the comics?) come on now

season: ok actually i love every season of buffy so im cheating and saying season 4 of Angel and it's entirely bc of the Character Assassination of Cordelia Chase, have i mentioned today how im going to beat up J*ss Wh*don??? he better watch out, i swear to fucking god

ship: oooh ok i've answered this already (it's Buffy/Giles ... like come on guys, he's her dad) so i'm gonna keep cheating and saying ats answers, in which case it is very much Wes/Fred (sorry!). a lot of that is due to the fandom? like, the way people ignore Gunn/Fred, which was much more wholesome and well-developed, bc they think Wesley "deserved" her? which is both racist and misogynistic. and also honestly like, (and dont get me wrong i do cry about their interactions during Fred's death and Wes's death), i feel like he never saw her as a full person? she was this objectified symbol and it got a little incel-y at points. but i mean, that's the ats writers room for you, (she said bitterly).

12. Top five (characters/seasons/episodes/ships).

1. Becoming Part II (fucking!!!! the MUSIC (the music!), the RITUAL, the EVERYTHING about spuffy in this and what it in retrospect will come to represent about spike and their arc as a couple, the COMING OUT TO JOYCE, the fucking gnadfklds "take all that away, and what's left" "ME", the utter tragedy of the ending, the!!!! this episode is a microcosm of everything brilliant about buffy i cant talk about it enough,

2. Fool for Love you guys, go rewatch this episode right now. it's so good. not just bc i love spike with everything in me (i do), but it just fucking??? it FUCKS, this episode fucks, every time i watch it im like HOLY FUCKING SHIT

3. Once More, with Feeling, ok what is actually left to say about this that hasn't been said? but it's so good my dudes. just fucking!!!!! oh my god, i cant discuss it

4. The Gift I MEAN??? I MEAN???????????????????? ..... "you're just a girl". ... "that's what i keep saying" .... "i know im a monster, but you treat me like a man" ..... "the hardest thing in this world is to live in it. be brave, dawn. live, for me." I cant even type that last quote without crying

5. Tabula Rasa literally like,,,,, like !!!!!! it's so fun and so stupid and then it HURTS SO MUCH and the entire song "goodbye to you" and the spuffy kiss and the joan of it all,!! 🥺

#sorry that i physically cant shut up u guys #ask

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elmo-is-a-forgotten-god · 4 years ago

Text

TW:// mentions of death, brief family dynamics mention, losing a friend

For context this happened late last night and I’ve been trying to get as many details as possible here.

Don’t feel obligated to read this. I know it’s long.

I recently had a friend unfriend me and I wanted to vent about that a little bit. This is really long, only read it if you really want to I just really need to talk about it somewhere else.

I am also sharing this stuff so you all understand me a bit better as a person. Because it is even more challenging for me online and I don’t want to lose any more friends, especially online friends because I can’t talk to you all in person.

——————————————————————————

They have been known to do this to other people and everyone who it has happened to has still remained on the shit list. They screamed at me for over an hour on the phone because I was “a shit friend these past couple weeks or so.” They cited specific days where I didn’t answer them until later in the day and one specific day where they were stressed with school and wanted me to be there so they could vent and I could help them.

I tried explaining to them what was going on but I just ended up crying (I don’t normally cry a lot if that give you any idea how bad it was) and I didn’t get the words out. Mainly for a reason I’ll explain later but also because they sounded just like my dad when he yells and I just sorta shut down.

——————————————————————————

Now they blocked and deleted my number and blocked me on all social media. (Our mutual friends told me.). They apparently told most of our friends what a piece of shit I am and a couple other people blocked me. They wrote a whole fucking essay about it but here’s the sparknotes:

-I go through periods of time where I am not a fun person to talk to, and they like me a lot better when I don’t have an “attitude”.

They specifically cited last year from late summer to winter, you’ll see why this is important.

-last year and this year I’ve “ghosted” people around the holiday season when I know it is rough for some people.

I try to check up on my friends when I know they are going through some shit, I try to send them useful stuff as well, everyone know that.

-I am too overly blunt and honest and not good at helping people with their issues.

I know I’m too blunt and honest , and you know what? I fuck up sometimes, but I usually don’t mean anything by it I’m just trying to help. As for helping people with their issues, if I wasn’t good at it why the fuck did they come to me in the first place.

-I have a perfect life, nothing bad ever happens to me and I’m nothing but a privileged asshole who doesn’t deserve to have a friend like them. I don’t know what it’s like to go through something difficult.

I’m not going to comment on this, I know I’m privileged, but I try to do good things with it.

-I pay way too much attention to my self and I am a “self centered piece of shit for not answering their messages that one day and for not being as fast with my responses as I normally am.”

You’ll see why this was a fucked up thing to say to me in a bit, I’m just writing this out very slowly and trying to avoid that part.

-I talk about myself too much when people come to me with advice, and people “shouldn’t come to me with advice or have to take that bullshit” because I am “undeserving of being in the loop about someone’s personal issues.”

This came up because one of our friends came to me with an issue instead of them. I know I often relate things back to me I didn’t think that was a bad thing because no one told me and that is just how I help myself understand what someone is going through, but I’ll stop doing that.

-Saying things like “I need to remove myself from this area.” Is extremely disrespectful to the rest of our friend group (I literally only go by myself it doesn’t affect them). For context my adhd is extremely severe to the point it’s considered to be a learning disability, what they are referencing is when I leave to go somewhere else because I am overwhelmed and overstimulated. They literally said and I quote “that shit is total fucking bull and you know it, I have adhd too, and I’m saying you’re fucking faking.”

First off they don’t have a formal medical diagnosis, just a suspicion, they haven’t even talked to their doctor about it. Not to mention everyone is different based off of severity and which symptoms are actually present. As part of my testing we opted for the comprehensive test to look at the severity of my adhd before moving on to being treated. In that test they observed me over the course of several hours to see how I reacted to different things. The things that were expected to be the worst symptoms for me were :

difficulty understanding and relating to others (one of my strategies I was told would help is to relate others experiences to mine)

difficulty in communication; reading directly off of my sheet and I quote “Emma was observed having a difficult time using nuance and understanding when was and was not the correct time to say something. Emma’s parents describe her as: extremely blunt to the point where it can be abrasive.”

sensory: specifically when things are too quiet, I also have an issue with overly bright lighting, and when I am very overwhelmed there is only a few people who I will let touch me when I’m “wigging out”

——————————————————————————

I know I am privileged, but I really try to use that privilege to do good things and I didn’t know that I act uptight or like a dick in that way. If I do it’s either a joke or not intentional and I apologize.

That being said, just because I am privileged doesn’t mean my life is perfect and it doesn’t mean bad things don’t happen to me, it’s beyond fucked up to think that.

(The color for things related to this)

——————————————————————————

A lot of the things they talked about are things they know I am insecure about to begin with and they know I am working on it. Most of them are literal symptoms of my adhd and things I struggle with on the fucking daily. I’m making them a different color so you can see what I’m talking about. Here’s the adhd related color.

——————————————————————————

Now. Some of the other things they listed were in direct relation to my grandma passing away. If you know me, you know my grandma and I were very close and she in a way was like a lot like a parent to me. She had cancer and dementia and her health started a major decline in August of 2019, I spent a lot of time with her during this time and I was constantly stressed and worried about her. I didn’t really talk a lot about it because it’s hard for me to think about but I know this friend knew about this for a goddamn fact.

This relates to this because the period of time when I had “attitude” and “wasn’t a fun person to be around” was when we found out she would have 3 months if she was lucky, I spent every day with her during this time. Yeah I think watching someone slowly die and forget who you are is reason enough to be a bit not talkitive or please not.

My grandma died on December 4th 2019. The main reason my friend snapped was because I wasn’t their to help them with their stress on December 4th 2020. (They had screenshots). They yelled at me for over an hour because of the reasons of above and mainly, MAINLY, because I didn’t text them back fast on the anniversary of my grandmas death. I WAS AT THE FUCKING CEMETARY ASSHOLE DONT YELL AT ME FOR NOT RESPONDING RIGHT AWAY.

(This is the color for things related to this)

——————————————————————————

I’m sorry this was really long but I’m just having a rough day. I thought I could trust this person and I thought we were ok, I just wish that someone would tell everyone this, but the people that blocked me also blocked my best friends.

If you have a problem with my behavior in any way, please talk to me before something like this happens. And please know that if I seem overly blunt or like I’m trying to steal the spotlight, just know that I don’t mean to and it doesn’t come from a place of malice. I don’t want to lose any more friends.

I know I fuck up, but there is reason behind it, but unfriending someone who you’ve been friends with for 7 years because they didn’t text you back from the cemetary is fucked up, I’m pretty sure anyone can see that much.

High school drama is fucking bullshit, I hate it here.

#vent #venting #high school drama #high school drama bullshit #toxic friends #adhd #this was really fucked up #not a shitpost #not a joke #long post sorry

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